Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

This is not how I wanted the day to start.

Adora folds her arms and frowns at Glimmer.

She's frozen in a position of extreme concentration and yet panic, glaring at the white-pink glow in her palms as it flickers and dies, pointing at the window of their shared apartment, all at the same time, and yet somehow managing to control the teleport spell forming in her subconsciousness and holding it until Adora replies, "What?"

"A-" *poof * "-FACE- " *poof * "-AT THE-" *poof * "-WINDOW!"

Adora doesn't move. "A face. At the window. In this neighbourhood? On the fourth floor?"

Glimmer re-appears on the top of the kitchen table, balancing on the two square inches of space left over from this morning's breakfast, the remnants of the last teleport spell glowing in pink fragments around her and dispersing in the morning light. She's adorable when she's angry. 

"YES."

Adora raises her arms in submission, humouring her. It's best to let Glimmer fizzle out on matters like this, considering the fact that she's often right... in some way. Easier to let her panic for a few hours and then realise it was a window-cleaner or something than call the police. Which has happened before. Twice.

"So ...who did you see? Assuming you saw someone in the first place." She offers her a grin.

Glimmer doesn't smile back. "A girl."

Another puff of sparkles appears around her head. She's pissed. It's only Monday, and Glimmer isn't a morning person, so this is normal. For Adora, at least - Bow works a night shift, probably so he doesn't have to deal with 7-AM Paranoia.

"A hot girl?"

"Shut up. This is serious."

"Okay, okay..."

Adora takes a seat on the battered leather sofa and folds her arms. 

"I'm listening," she offers, ignoring Glimmer's tense expression. "Go on."

This was not how she was supposed to start her day. Instead of talking through her latest sighting of The Girl In Her Dreams And Sometimes Daily Life with Bow and Glimmer and maybe having a sensible conversation for once... she gets to listen to her paraonid platonic-room-mate rant about her left-over trauma from being robbed on the subway last year by a shifter (Adora knew the shifter from high school, but no-one needed to tell Glimmer that. Ever).

Glimmer takes a deep breath and teleports onto the sofa next to her, folding her arm around Adora's shoulders (and leaning heavily on her, which Adora has learned to live with by this point).

"OkaysoIwasmindingmyownbusinessbythewindowandthen-"

Adora pokes her. "Hey. Slow down, crazy."

She gives her an evil glare. "You can't expect me not to be freaked out."

"You're always freaked out, Glim. You'd think I'd be used to it..."

"That was last year. I'm over that. I didn't need that wallet anyway." Glimmer sits upright indignantly, pink-white light flaring briefly in the palms of her hands, illuminating her eyes in the fading afterglow. It's hard to remember why Adora grew out of her crush on her in the first place.

Focus. Girl at the window. The Girl In My Dream. 

Priorities first, being a useless gay later.

Sometimes those two things are the same, princess. 

"Whatever. Say it again - slowly."

Shut up, inner monologue.

Glimmer gives her another Look. "Okay. So, I was minding my own business by the window... and then there was this girl on the street below." She gestures vaguely to the kitchen window, running a hand through her hair to smooth the erratic early-morning spikes. "I didn't really... I mean, who's out jogging this early? Not even you."

Adora chooses to ignore her pointed glare.

"7:30 is a perfectly reasonable time to jog."

Glimmer rolls her eyes. "That's not the point. The point is that when I went back to the window, the girl wasn't there."

"That's normal."

"She wasn't. She had these weird eyes - one was yellow and the other was blue. And she had pupils like a cat... "

Something hits her in the skull, pain spiking behind her eyes.

It feels like realisation, like regret, like anger, like crying herself to sleep with the feeling of missing her every night, like screaming her throat raw because there's a hole in her somewhere and she can't fill it.  

Glimmer's still talking. She can't hear her. There are voices in her head, and they are pulling something loose in her mind- she doesn't want this now, she wants it to stop - those words, Glimmer's words, are on replay, and -

weird eyes

"How does it feel being the world's slowest person?"

"Hey - fu... fuck you - for being - so -... fast - werecat -"

one yellow

"Adora!"

"Good evening, beautiful. Where'd you get that suit?"

"I have my ways. Coming?"

one blue

"You look - uh, great! Great. You look great. Why do you always look that good?"

"Natural selection, princess. Come on! We're gonna be ... late...uh..."

pupils like a cat

"You know what, fuck work. Never mind."

"Ha. I love you."

"Shut up, nerd. Love you, too."

It feels like a blow to the gut.

I know that girl. I know her. I know her. That's her, that's The Girl, that's - 

She can't breathe.

Hey, Adora. 

"Wh... what did you s-say?"

She isn't here, she's running along a cracked pavement, following a girl in a faded leather jacket, she's curled up around someone small and trembling with sobs, she's singing at the top of her lungs with blinding lights flicking in her vision and the throb of music vibrating on the soft breeze, she's holding someone's hand in the cool darkness, she's trying to copy the movements of the girl's hands and ignoring her bursts of laughter in response to her clumsy signs, she's clutching a mug of coffee and smiling at the girl across the table, she's dancing with someone in a sharp wine-red suit, she's sitting up in the early morning light and smiling at the dishevelled figure on the floor beside her bed.

She can't breathe.

Glimmer's eyes widen, and she has that fuzzy look that means she can sense powerful magic in her expression. She stands bolt upright and grips Adora's shoulders, pushing her back against the sofa. "Adora. Look at me. Breathe."

I can't - 

"I promise."

"I'm here, I'm not letting you go."

"I love you."

"I... I promised her something, Glim, I -"

Ha. Yeah, you did.

I can't breathe.

Shit. Shit. Hang on.

"Who?" Glimmer asks - patiently, softly. Her hands are still on Adora's shoulders, keeping her pinned in place.

Focus on that, yeah?  Uh... why won't this  fucking work -

She'd make a joke about useless bisexual magicians if she could breathe properly. Or at all.

"She... the - keep going, tell me about the girl-"

Glimmer's eyes narrow. She releases her grip on Adora's shirt and sinks to the floor, crossing her legs. "It would be easier to project it." She meets Adora's gaze evenly, suddenly calmer than before, and folds her arms into a defiant cross. "But I'm not doing anything until you explain."

Explain. It's too hard to explain. It's too hard too focus. It's too hard to do anything except relive every second of those dreams - no, memories - that rush through her head, to cling to the sound of that rough, familiar voice that she can't quite place, and the fact that the Girl is real and Adora isn't crazy - 

This is going well for a first try, don't you think?

"I'm not crazy," she gets out.

Glimmer rolls her eyes. "Okay, let's work with that. Is this about the girl I saw?"

Nodding hurts and set her head spinning, so she squeezes Glimmer's wrist in affirmation.

"Did you recognise her?"

Another squeeze.

She should probably say something, but the words won't come. it feels like all the air in the room has been sucked away, and the walls are pressing in, she needs to get out, she needs to run - 

Hey. Calm down.  

Glimmer's hands tighten over hers. "Do you know her? Do you know her name?"

There is a gentle, firm pressure on her thoughts, almost like a block, and it seems to wall off the sense of being punched with her own memories. 

See, I told you I could do it, Scorpia!

Sorry. Wasn't meant for you.

And despite everything, she can almost hear the voice laugh. Like someone on the other end of a phone call.

Coherent thought returns again.

Thank you … whoever... whoever you are.

"No," Adora whispers, and takes a deep, gasping breath. Air floods in, the walls fold back, and the feeling of being struck vanishes... and is replaced with overwhelming terror. "No, I don't, I don't know who she is, I keep on seeing her and I don't know who she is -"

Gods above, Adora, breathe. You're gonna knock me out of the connection. I'm not actively trying to terrify the shit out of you, it's just... magic is hard for beginners. I might have slipped up. I meant to send you a subtle message, not tap into your supressed memories or something. Sorry about that.  

I just want to.. to talk. That makes sense, right? I just need to talk to you, and I guess I'm going about this the wrong way, but... 

'I'll catch up with you, okay?  You gotta be ready to see me next time. Don't have a real-life panic attack on me, I'm not good at handling those, period, and- just keep breathing and I'll meet you for coffee later. 

Another deep, gasping, rattling breath that floods her lungs with air. 

And that voice- gods, that voice...

"Who are you?" 

"... Adora?"

She flaps her hand at Glimmer, turning her focus on the voice. It's entirely separate from Adora's own thoughts now, rough and warm ,yet strangely familiar. Hollow, like the speaker has been emptied of all strength. But... she can feel the emotion behind it. Whoever this is, she - yes, she - is important, and she cares.

Me?  Who am.. who am I? 

Wow, Adora. Holy shit.

That means... that means she  really fucked with your mind, then. Scorpia was right about something, for once. Gods, she's gonna be so insufferable now.

MOVE, Emily.

In answer to your question... I'm not gonna tell you my name yet. I don't want to be trapped up with your mind in another flashback. Flashforward? I don't think half of what you saw has happened yet.

"What? What do you mean?"

She can hear the tremble in her voice. 

I mean ... okay, I may have screwed with your mind accidentally.

Sorry.

I know that doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make sense to me, either. I'm new to this whole mind-tapping stuff. But that's not important. What you should be thinking about is getting Sparkles over there to show you what I looked like earlier. That might help a little. It might trigger some more memories. Maybe you'll even get my name.

And then, a harsh clicking sound, like a door being eased shut. 

Gods above, it hurts.

The last thing Adora is aware of before blacking out is Glimmer's panicked face flickering before her eyes in shades of grey, dancing in and out of focus before vanishing altogether.

"Hey, Adora! I was wondering when you were gonna call."

"...hi."

Her fingers are trembling, palms slick with sweat as she fumbles for a proper grip on the phone jammed between her ear and shoulder. 

"How's Bright Moon? How's your new family? The.. the Danaus family, right?"

No trace of bitterness in the voice on the other end. A hint of regret, of concern, maybe - but no anger. 

She really is happy for me, then, she thinks vaguely.

"I miss you," is what comes out. "I ... I really, really miss you."

The voice on the other end of the phone catches, stutters, comes to life again. A little weaker, she thinks. "I miss you too. Like, a lot."

If the voice has a name attached to it, a face, she can't remember it. 

She can't remember what the voice sounds like. 

She doesn't remember a voice.

When Bow asks her, voice raised slightly over the hum of the rusty old television set, if she went to go see 'that girl from the care home' earlier that day, she thinks he's going mad.

"What do you mean?"

Bow's eyes widen. He studies her for a moment with wide hazel eyes, half-sprawled across the sofa with Gimmer's head in his lap. "You know... your friend? C-something? You were going to meet at Rogelio's new coffee place..."

Seeing her blank expression, he stops. Frowns. Goes back to the movie. 

Adora wonders, later, if she imagined the shadows rearing up against the wall.  

"Did it work?"

Catra swallows the rearing knot of anxiety in her throat and nods. "It worked."

Chapter Text

Catra hates mornings. 

Especially these mornings - the sun is too bright, the breeze is too sharp, sounds are too loud, colours are too... too much. Not to mention her mind feels like a fucking sponge, and the tattoo on her forearm stings like hell, and - 

She steps out into the road and nearly trips over her own shoes twice (they were too small this morning and now they're sliding off her feet), which - OW. 

Scorpia was right. Maybe she shouldn't have gone out today. Maybe she could have waited until Halloween, maybe she should have picked another day, any other day, to wake up at 6 AM in the fucking morning and jog a mile and a half and project her sight up 5 fucking stories and sprint back to her apartment in time to collapse on the sofa and scream down a fragile mental bond being overloaded with information and memories and a shit-ton of overwhelming -

Shut up and keep walking.

She kicks through a heap of leaves and crosses the street again (not tripping over this time).

And holy shit, her feet hurt. 

A car shoots by, kicking up a spray of water, and Catra barely dodges it. A sharp pain digs into the base of her spine in response. Which... she should have expected, really, it being nearly the half moon and all.

She rounds the corner. At least the walk will only last a few more minutes, and then she can sit down. Maybe. Hopefully.

From here, she can see the coffee shop on the opposite side of the street, wedged inbetween a tiny bookshop and a tattoo parlour. Lonnie is already in the window, pacing anxiously, and she feels chills creep up her spine again at the sight of her. She's here, she's here, she's here, I'm so close to- to seeing Adora again-

Adrenaline rushes to her feet and into her limbs and numbs the dull ache in her joints and she nearly flies those last few dozen metres and trips over her own feet again when she crosses the road, kicking up another strategically placed heap of leaves. Her body feels like its on fire by now (in a bad way), and Lonnie is giving her the weirdest look, and Catra nearly breaks down the door because she doesn't check her speed in time (oops), and she really shouldn't have left the apartment today -

"Catra," Lonnie snaps. "I know it's the middle of werewolf hour or whatever, but you are not getting the zoomies in my shop."

Catra blinks. "I- I wasn't going that fast, was I?"

"You nearly mowed down Kyle's grandmother."

"Well, give her a discount next time."

She pushes past her into the shop and strides to the counter at the back, swerving around a very pissed Kyle and two customers staring at her as she walks past (oh, fuck, if she's got a tail again-). With any luck, this'll all be over in a few hours and she'll be one step closer to finding Adora. 

Lonnie follows a few feet behind her, sighing loud enough for the sound to reach her ears, and she has to resist the urge to turn around and glare at her. Her head hurts. 

"So," she begins, and Catra grits her teeth. "Why exactly did you make me open the shop an hour early?"

"I did tell you." Please don't make this awkward. Please don't make me talk through my issues or - or -

"You texted me at 4 AM."

"Well, read it again," she snaps, and grinds to a direct halt in front of the counter. Rogelio gives her a confused look, but doesn't comment, which is a small blessing considering the fact that they've seen each other exactly four times over the past 3 years.

"Can we go into the back?" she signs, tamping down on her impatience (Emotional dysregulation combined with... half moon things is the worst feeling on the planet).

He frowns at her, then glances over her shoulder to where Lonnie is stood with her arms folded. Evidently, she must've nodded, because he shrugs and sets down the cup he was drying, then turns on his heel and pushes though the door behind him. 

The thing about the coffee shop she still can't pronounce the name of is that it's tiny. Miniscule, really, so the back room is no bigger than one of those fancy closets Catra remembers her foster mother having growing up. She, Lonnie, and Rogelio all barely fit inside, and there's no room to sign properly once the door is closed, which isn't particularly helpful, so Catra tugs her phone out of her back pocket and gestures for the others to do the same.

L: so why are you freaking out

L: you've barely talked to us for years why are you here now?

ro; i would also like to know

catra  : why are we using whatsapp

L: HALFMOON

catra: jfc okay

catra: adora is probably going to come by today 

catra: i need you to tell her abt me

ro: everything? you want us to tell her about everything?

catra: just abt me. like where i am and that i'm trying to contact her

catra: or just tell whoever shows up who looks like they know her

catra: tell arrow boy if you have to just get the message to her

ro: locking us in a closet seems a little overdramatic

catra: can't risk anyone else finding out

L: no seriously are you okay catra i've never seen you this tense

L: you could have just texted this to us why bother coming here

Catra winces, avoiding her eyes. Yes, technically she's fine, but something about the combination of the half moon and the rush of the magic from the new tattoo on her shoulder is making her... skittish. Overexcited. She feels... odd - tired, almost. And, truth be told, she doesn't know why she actually came all the way to the café this early in the morning to convey something she could have covered in a single phone call.

L: catra we care abt u you know

L : you can talk to us abt anything. even adora

ro: we miss her too. we want her back too

But what if she doesn't want to come back to us? What if - what if she doesn't want to come back to me? 

catra: thanks guys

catra: :)

"I love you," Adora tells her one night, curled up in her arms under their bed, where Weaver can't reach either of them, where they can pretend they're somewhere else (anywhere else, she thinks desperately) than here. "I think I've always loved you, really."

She smiles as she presses her forehead to her shoulder. She's always been smaller than her, so lying like this, wrapped around her back, is practically impossible to maintain for very long if either of them want to be particularly comfortable. Still, Adora likes being the little spoon on nights like these, and who is she to say no? "I love you too, princess."

Adora lets out an adorably (ha) relieved sigh.

"Bet I've loved you longer than you've loved me," she teases breathlessly.

"Pfft, since you were six?"

Adora laughs. "Hang on, you'd only just met me then."

She leans over to press a kiss to her jaw, earning herself a sharp inhale, one of the hand latched onto her own tightening just barely. She wonders if either of them will remember it in the morning, or if they'll act like it. She's read enough stories to know it could be either one. "Exactly. See? I win."

A burst of quiet laughter. Warmth explodes in her chest.

You weren't supposed to see that, she thinks desperately down the bond. You weren't supposed to see that. I'm sorry.

If Adora hears her, she doesn't answer. She's probably still knocked out, another thing Catra curses herself for as she waits for Lonnie and Rogelio to finish their heated text-debate.

It takes another few minutes before Lonnie sighs and pushes the door open, gesturing for the other two occupants of the room to leave. Catra goes happily. That box was horrific, anyway.

"Okay," she signs finally, grimacing. "You're insane, but I'll help you out. I can text Bow; he works at the other café and he lives with Adora. He'll get her down here sooner or later."

"You will?" Catra breathes before she can stop herself, hands so numb with exhaustion she can barely sign along. Or maybe she's just overwhelmed (???) and needs to eat something, which would explain the concerned look Rogelio is giving her over his shoulder from the counter.

Lonnie sighs, looking more exhausted than Catra feels. "Yes. Or I'll never hear the end of it from you two." She jabs an accusing finger at Rogelio, and he snorts a laugh. "Right, what do you want me to say?"

She blinks. 

Another sigh. "I'm going to message Bow, since out of Adora's friends he comes here the most often. He works at the shop at the other end of the road, so if he doesn't reply I can just go and see him and leave the guys to run the shop," she repeats in careful, clear signs. "But, if I'm honest, I have no idea what your plan is, and if I just go out on a limb and ask him to turn up there's a chance we'll scare Adora off. You know Adora best - what should I ask him to tell her?"

Catra sighs as well, screwing up her face. "I saw the first bit, I know. Thank you for your help. Just - tell him Adora's childhood friend wants to see her. The one who tried to contact her earlier. Tell him she'll get some answers."

Lonnie studies her for a moment, frowning, then pulls her phone out of her back pocket and unlocks it, signing with her free hand. "Alright. I'll text him now."

Rogelio presses a coffee cup into her hand - white, ridiculously sugary, ew - and sits her down in the corner, despite her protests, whilst Lonnie talks with Bow. At some point she gives up trying to pay attention to what she's doing and slumps back in her seat, letting her eyes flicker closed, the cup in her hand sending warmth seeping through her skin. Something distant tells her to get home before midday, to be careful in public in case she shifts, but she ignores it.

Stars, I'm tired.

"Okay," Lonnie says suddenly, slamming her phone down on the table as she sinks into the seat next to Catra and jolting her out of the doze she was falling into, "I've spoken to Bow; he says he'll let Adora know when she wakes up and message me back with her answer."

Catra sits upright, combing a hand through her hair. "Alright. That - thank you for helping me. I owe you one."

"Yeah," Lonnie grins, and then her eyes soften. "Seriously, though, I'm glad I could help. We all miss her, you know."

She nods, staring down at her hands, and smiles. "If she wants me around -"

"_ of course she will," Lonnie scoffs -

" - I - I'd like to spend more time with you guys. All of you." She raises her voice meaningfully, and over at the counter Kyle raises his head, eyes widening. "I miss it."

Lonnie's hand settles on Catra's. She offers her a small, knowing smile, setting off a burst of warmth in Catra's chest, and says softly, "We all miss you too. You and Adora. You should come over here more. It's good to see familiar faces around.."

Catra smiles back, properly. "I will. Thanks, Lon."

"D'you feel like staying for a little while longer, or do you need to get back?" she asks quietly. "It's almost half moon, isn't it?"

She pauses. "I - could I text you about, like, catching up or something?"

Lonnie grins at her. "Bring Adora?"

Catra regrets ever losing contact with her. She isn't used to people having confidence like this in her, not after Adora... left, and it's starting to feel -  nice. She grins back, shifting in her seat to face her properly. "Seriously, I owe you/"

"Forget about it. Just promise me you won't go off the grid for two whole years again, yeah?"

She rolls her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Promise."

lonnie coffee shop: hey bow, this is lonnie from rogelio's coffee shop

lonnie coffee shop: a friend of adora's from when they were kids stopped by today, she asked me to tell you that she wants to meet her

lonnie coffee shop: her name is catra, she's the one who tried to contact her earlier. she says to tell her that she has answers for her