Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Goro took silent sips from his cup of coffee as his eyes scanned the pages of his book. He was reading some new mystery novel that he picked up from a local store, his mind already making theories at around a quarter way in. Akira was digging through his school bag, pulling out folders and papers along with Morgana who leapt out. The rustling of papers grated his ears but there wasn’t much he could do. 

“What are you looking for? Didn’t you already do all your work?” Morgana asked.

“It’s something else,” he mumbled with his hands still digging around.

“Maybe you can get Akechi to find it, that’s what Detectives do right?”

He huffed, “I’m sure your leader is more than capable of managing his bag.”

“Got it,” Akira flicked his wrist up and out with added unnecessary flare, holding up a bundle of papers within his hand. 

“What is it?” Morgana got up on his hind legs to get a better look, “show me. I’m curious.”

Akira ignored his pleas, instead he walked to the other side of the counter. “Goro,” he slapped the pages down with a loud smack making him jump , “sign these papers.”

“W-what?” he looked down for a moment, “what is this for.”

“Goro,” he looked him dead in the eye, “as leader I’m ordering you to sign these papers.”

“You can’t do that, it’s a blatant abuse of power. Also, what makes you think I-”

“Sign it,” his voice was stern. The same tone as if they were in the midst of combat. Usually it left no room to argue, but that wouldn’t stop him.

“No,” he spat back. “What even is this? If you’re trying to forge my signature then go ahead and ask.”

Akira leaned in closer, “sign it,” he slid the papers closer. Goro could feel his intense gaze pinned on him, adding further pressure than there was before. He brought the porcelain to his lips and looked away, not wanting to speak any further.

Morgana walked over to the two and placed a paw on the page, “let me see this already.”

He pulled it away, “you can’t. You wouldn’t understand it.”

“Oh for pete sake, just let me see it already,” he shouted. Akira sighed as he relented, letting him get a proper gander at all the legal mumbo jumbo.

“So you let him read it but not the one you’re trying to get to sign it? How clever. How persuasive.”

“It doesn’t matter what it’s for,I just need you to sign it. You’re thinking too much.”

“Look, I know how to navigate the legal minefield of contracts and fine print, so excuse me for being cautious, Akira.”

He crossed his arms, “I just needed someone around my age’s signature. I can just ask-”

“Why do you have a marriage contract?”

Goro’s eyes shot open, his body froze. He brought the cup away from his lips and slowly turned around. Akira looked as casual as ever, his hands tucked in his pockets and that slight slouch to his back, as if Morgana had asked about the weather. He spun his body to face him, setting down his book and resting his lap together. He waited for Akira to look back at him, making direct eye contact he smilied as he said, “why the fuck do you want me to sign this crap? Is this some sort of sick joke?”

“I don’t want to hear this, I'll be upstairs if you need me,” Morgana announced to escape the turmoil.

“Don’t overthink it. I just needed a spouse on paper for tax benefits next year. We don’t have to take it seriously if you want.”

"What?”

“Tax benefits.”

“W-what?”

“Well you know,” he took the seat next to Goro, “for one, since you’re the one with a stable income and I don’t, our combined tax is going to be way lower. Plus, we only have to return one tax file instead of two. Think of all the money we’ll save, that’s the best way to rebel against society.”

“Without outright evading taxes?”

“You do get it,” he smiled as he leaned in closer, “ These little loopholes in the workings of society is how we’ll truly tear it down.”

“As opposed to the heart changing missions we go on daily?”

“Exactly. Think about it. Our money is the blood that keeps this joke of a system alive, the less we participate the less power it has over us.”

“Right... and you’re sure that, oh I don’t know, the literal physical embodiment of deleting distortion and corruption through the cognitive world does less than saving money?”

“This is why I love you cause that’s exactly what I’m saying,” he yoinked the paper of the desk and shoved it up to Goro’s face, “now sign it.”

“Where did you even get such an asinine idea? I can take a guess but honestly it’d be less interesting than the truth coming from you.”

“Honestly, it was from my teacher. Complained about being single and paying bills then she mentioned something about “the perks of being married” so then I got curious. One sleepless night google search later and here we are.”

Goro stayed silent as the man he was smitten with explained the rabbit hole that led them to being on the verge of matrimony. He pressed his hands flat together and brought them to his face before softly inhaling and closing his eyes. Akira could watch in real time the words he just said process in his mind as his face scrunched up, clearly baffled by what he heard. In one swift motion he swung his hands down and pointed at the leader, “what in the world gave you the bright idea that out of anyone in our little rag tag group would be ok with this? Are you stupid? Are you truly the brains of our teams because I’m struggling to find any right now.”

Akira couldn’t hold back his laughter, letting his voice bubble out into the cafe as he placed the paper down again. Goro continued to stare at him, his hands still clasped together. “Ouch, that one kind of hurt. Also I have my reasons to ask you.”

“What could that possibly be?”

“I’ll tell you,” he pulled out a pen, “after you sign it.”

“Akira, we aren’t even old enough for this to be official, let alone gain these so called  tax benefits.”

“Imagine this like a promise. A promise to one up society with me.”

“How romantic,” Goro rolled his eyes as he finished the last of his drink, “well would you look at the time. I’ll be off now. Go ask someone else to marry you, good luck.”

Goro stood up but Akira grabbed his wrists, “wait don’t go. You need to sign it first.”

“God, it’s not like I’m the only person you can ask. Doesn’t anyone else want your hand?”

“NO, you’re the only one Goro. Please, I’m begging you.”

“What do you mean? Any other thief would do the trick just fine, right? You just need someone around your age to sign so go ask Ryuji or something. This sounds right down his alley doesn’t it?”

“You don’t get it, I need someone who won’t get in a relationship anytime soon. Ryuji’s still looking for dates, Ann’s with Shiho, Yusuke is already committed to art, Makoto and Haru have a thing going on I think, Futaba is Futaba, and Kasumi’s in a nebulous void that I can’t distinguish. And I know you aren’t going out anytime soon cause you aren’t the type. So it has to be you.”

“So, I don’t care about your plight. Find someone else, they aren’t the only people in the world.” He yanked his arm away and pulled back, “besides what if I do find a relationship later down the line? Then your incredible plan all goes to shit.”

“But Goroooo,” he whined, “it's not the same if it isn’t you.” He clutched his waist to hold him in place, “please sign it. I need you.”

“The way you go from commanding to begging is quite endearing but,” he pried the boy off him, “that’s not going to work this time.”

“But-but who else will commit underhanded crimes with me. Goro, I need an accomplice.” 

“Please, find someone else,” he said through gritted teeth, “I don’t want any part of it.” He spun around and took a step towards the door but the hands that pulled on his arms told him otherwise. He sighed as he turned around, knowing full well of the familiar sight that would greet him. 

“Goroo,” he pleaded through glassy eyes and a pained expression. Goro could feel his arm tingle as Akira squeezed tighter and tighter like a snake. He looked far too similar to that crying cat photo for comfort, tugging at all the right strings to make his cold dead heart ache more than usual. He tilted his head to the side, adding to the already heartwrenching sight, “please sign it,”his voice trembled. 

The moment he registered the whole picture, he knew his fate was sealed. He could feel his body tense up, the urge to fight against the lure flowed through his body. Instead he groaned, let his body relax, and closed his eyes. “Just hand me the fucking pen already.”

9 Rats One Bus

Friday at 10:48 pm

Be Crime Do Gay: guesswhosgettingmarriedlmao.png  

Be Crime Do Gay: this is for all the nay sayers and harlots who doubted me 

Inkling Kin: holy shit joker did it lmfao

Shark Tale: bro i thought u were joking what the heck

Shark Tale: damm guess i’m not getting those benefits huh

Be Crime Do Gay: this could have been us but you be playing Smh

Inkling Kin: i should update my sims characters then huh

Shark Tale: bro

Inkling Kin: also i could hear what went down and i can’t stop laughing

Be Crime Do Gay: i thought you were bae, turns out you’re just fam

Be Crime Do Gay: futaba plz send 

Shark Tale: stop you re killing me bro

Shark Tale: i call dibs on best man btw

Vroom Vroom : What did I come back too?

Vroom Vroom: In the few hours I was gone you went out and got hitched.

Be Crime Do Gay: ye

Vroom Vroom: With Goro no less.

Be Crime Do Gay: ye

Vroom Vroom: How did that happen?

Inkling Kin: by being a little binch

Will Peck You to Death: Akira abused his leader position and forced me to sign against my will

Will Peck You to Death: He’s become a tyrant

Inkling Kin: i won’t stand for dis

Shark Tale: what the h

Inkling Kin: VIVA LA REVOLUTION

Be Crime Do Gay: you have no power over me

Be Crime Do Gay: watch this

Be Crime Do Gay changed their nickname to Assene Lupin

Will Peck You to Death: oh boy

Assene Lupin changed Will Peck You to Death to Sherlock Gnomes

Sherlock Gnomes: Why do you want me to suffer?

Inkling Kin: ewwwwwwwwwww

Shark Tale: bro stop

Sherlock Gnomes: What have i done to deserve this?

Vroom Vroom: Though I don’t agree with Akira’s use of power.

Vroom Vroom: It’s pretty funny.

Inkling Kin: i had 2 read that with my own two poorly functional e yes

Lobster Lord: I’m confused. Though I understand the literary reference, why is everyone adverse to the name?

Shark Tale: you don t want to know dude

Inkling Kin: inari is uncultured confirmed

Sherlock Gnomes: Please change it to something else

Assene Lupin: y bby  

Assene Lupin: don’t you want to be my rival

Vroom Vroom: Why don’t you change it yourself?

Sherlock Gnomes: I don’t care what it is

Inkling Kin: i got chu hold up

Sherlock Gnomes: I just don’t want it to be this

Assene Lupin: we have to match cause we’re a couple now

Assene Lupin: *smooch*

Shark Tale: no PDA in chat bro

Assene Lupin: i do what i want

Lobster Lord: I think it’d be quite nice if your names are a pair.

Lobster Lord: Congratulations on your engagement Akira and Goro.

Sherlock Gnomes: It's not official

Assene Lupin: thx Yusuke!!!!!

Assene Lupin: my next command as your esteemed overlord is to help me plan our wedding

Grenades and Girlz: did I just read “wedding”?

Assene Lupin: yeah you did

Grenades and Girlz: may I help plan?

Assene Lupin: yes plz idk how to myself 

Grenades and Girlz: I’ve always wanted to get some practice in before I plan my own ;)

Grenades and Girlz: I can get a nice venue with an amazing view in a heartbeat too

Inkling Kin changed Sherlock Gnomes to Blink Twice for Help

Inkling Kin: plz save him from the tyrant

Blink Twice for Help: This works

Assene Lupin: wait no im going to change it

Blink Twice for Help: Go ahead

Inkling Kin: don’t u dare

Assene Lupin changed Blink Twice for Help to Unwilling Accomplice

Unwilling Accomplice: This works

Inkling Kin: this works

Lobster Lord: This works.

Assene Lupin: best of both worldz

Shark Tale: no mo name changing dudes

Cats- The Good One: you guys r blowing up my phone rn what the heck is going down

Assene Lupin: i just beat you to the punch so you better keep up the pace

Cats- The Good One: oh wait I just read what Makoto said

Cats- The Good One: I CANT BELIEVE YOU GOT MARRIED BEFORE I DID AKIRA

Assene Lupin: lololololol sorry not sorry :p

Cats- The Good One: and you don't even have a boyfriend yet >:(

Assene Lupin: oh yea

Assene Lupin: @Unwilling Accomplice

Unwilling Accomplice: no

Assene Lupin: :(

Cats- The Good One: atleast I have a boo

Assene Lupin: imma straight up cry

Shark Tale: yo ill always be here for you get over here

Assene Lupin: ty, you're the only one who understands Ryuji

Shark Tale: its whats homies r for 

Cat- The Good One: so what kind of wedding do u want?

Assene Lupin: i want it to be detective/phantom thief themed cause that’s our aesthetic

Inkling Kin: omg and they were narrative foils

Vroom Vroom: Oh my god they were Narrative foils.

Unwilling Accomplice: don’t think too hard about it

Lobster Lord: I think you two are “two sides of the same coin” so having some contrast in your venue would work wonderfully.

Assene Lupin: omg u rite

Assene Lupin: Haru n Yusuke plz work together to plan and decorate

Assene Lupin: your tyrant has spoken

Lobster Lord: I can agree with these terms as long as I have the supplies.

Vroom Vroom: This is such a violation of your leadership rights.

Grenades and Girlz: what’s your budget? I can help pitch in as well since we’re all friends

Grenades and Girlz: oh I just found a really gorgeous local hold up

Unwilling Accomplice: The budget is zero dollars

Lobster Lord: That certainly isn’t enough to get any of my ideas into the real world.

Lobster Lord: Please reconsider, it’s vital that I can afford to make our vision come true.

Assene Lupin: don’t listen to him

Assene Lupin: also thx you for the offer Haru but you don’t understand

Assene Lupin: im mc fricken loaded cuz Mementos is actually broken

Unwilling Accomplice: Oh? 

Assene Lupin: money isn’t a problem for me, i just don’t want to give it to the stinky government lololol

Cats- The Good One: thats our Akira

Shark Tale: is that y u always buy our gear n shit

Assene Lupin: the economy is a joke and i m the clown

Vroom Vroom: That’s how you always managed to afford everything even though you’ve dropped most of your part-time jobs.

Unwilling Accomplice: And I thought you picked me because I have money and a job

Assene Lupin: yeah, mysterious cognition money can’t really be taxed

Assene Lupin: the less you pay to the government the more i win overall

Unwilling Accomplice: So I’m just another pawn in your scheme

Assene Lupin: NO Goro you’re my partner in crime and holy matrimony

Assene Lupin: you’re getting all of the benefits and a free wedding

Assene Lupin: since im balling and paying for erthing 

Unwilling Accomplice: If I don’t have to monetarily contribute to this farce then do as you please

Inkling Kin: chocolate fountain or im not going

Inkling Kin: also how many people r going cause dats another factor

Assene Lupin: i imagine a small wedding with just us, boss, and Sae

Vroom Vroom: I bet my sister would have many questions with this situation.

Assene Lupin: then when I hit the legal age to really tie the knot we go all out

Unwilling Accomplice: Oh so you do recognize the invalidity of this union

Cats- The Good One: omg TWO weddings?!?

Inkling Kin: shut up bird brain i want a chocolate fountain

Assene Lupin: yeeeeeaaaaa boiiiiiii

Shark Tale: bro how big do u want to go next time?

Assene Lupin: as big as my bank account will allow

Grenades and Girlz: that sounds wonderful Akira. I better plan the other one too <3

Assene Lupin: of course Haru i trust no one else

Assene Lupin: anyways we need to assign roles and jobs and stuff

Assene Lupin: Morgana is going to be the ring bearer and they will be ring pops

Vroom Vroom: Why?

Cats- The Good One: that’s so sweet

Assene Lupin: only the finest jewels for my dear sweet prince <3

Unwilling Accomplice: I will bite and break both of them

Unwilling Accomplice: Then spit them back into your face

Shark Tale: BRO

Grenades and Girlz: Goro that would ruin the moment :(

Vroom Vroom: Wouldn’t that break your teeth?

Assene Lupin: I can’t wait ;)

Inkling Kin: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Shark Tale: BRO WHAt

Cats- The Good One: Akira plz stop im begging you to stop

Lobster Lord: This is very confusing.

Unwilling Accomplice: Then I will bite you until you bleed

Vroom Vroom: I doubt you could actually follow through with your threats.

Assene Lupin: wouldn’t be the first time im ready bby

Assene Lupin: (>3o)  ~<3

Vroom Vroom: What?

Shark Tale: what?!?!?!?!

Cats- The Good One: what!

Inkling Kin- lol

Grenades and Girlz: Excuse me?

Lobster Lord: Ah now I get it

Lobster Lord: Also, what?

Unwilling Accomplice: I’m going to sleep early tonight in hopes I forget that this exchange ever happened

Unwilling Accomplice: But knowing my luck this will haunt me forever

Unwilling Accomplice: Night

Assene Lupin: I hope ill be in your dreams~

Vroom Vroom: Oh no, Goro you come back here and explain yourself immediately.

Cats- The Good One: yeah i need details boi

Shark Tale: i dont want to talk about this anymore guys can we please drop ittt

Inkling Kin: and hes offline already >:( 

Inkling Kin: what a coward

Grenades and Girlz: aw, what a cliffhanger. Now I’m curious.

Lobster Lord: I would ask you but I doubt anything you say would be credible.

Assene Lupin: i tried to pet him while he was angry then he bit me

Inkling Kin: press x 2 doubt

Assene Lupin: idk why ya’ll doubt me just ask Kasumi

Inkling Kin: @ twirly whirly

Grenades and Girlz: @ twirly whirly

Shark Tale: @ twirly whirly

Vroom Vroom: Wait, doesn’t she have a competition today?

Shark Tale: oh crap

Inkling Kin: i don’t care @ twirly whirly

Assene Lupin: hey watch this

Inkling Kin: not again

Assene Lupin: @ twirly whirly

twirly whirly: what’s up?

Cats-The Good One: bias much jkjk

twirly whirly: sorry I was training and my phone was in my bag

Grenades and Girlz: Oh don’t worry about it. We just wanted to ask you about something.

twirly whirly: before you do can anyone tell me what happend?

Assene Lupin: local clown gets engaged to sewer rat and everyone is invited

Assene Lupin: also you want to be flower girl or wut?

Cats-The Good One: love is in the air

Vroom Vroom: Akira said Goro has already bitten him once before and we’re just curious on how that played out.

twirly whirly: oh yeah that was a very interesting day

Cats- The Good One: gotta give us the deets 

Lobster Lord: I am also curious.

twirly whirly: oh idk if I should put Goro on blast just yet lol

Inkling Kin: do it 

Shark Tale: bro hes sleepin right now dont worry

Assene Lupin: as your dictator i demand you to back me up

twirly whirly: well i can’t argue with that lol

twirly whirly: let me find the video so it might take awhile

Grenades and Girlz: don’t worry take your time :D

twirly whirly: thanks ill be right back

Vroom Vroom: Why were you recording?

Assene Lupin: we were about to scare him awake and save his reaction but the boi bucking bit me

Shark Tale: rude i would never do that

Cats- The Good One: sorry to Goro but im different

Inkling Kin: im not like other sharp toothed boys

Shark Tale: man cut it out

Shark Tale: i just don’t get how Goro can be all

Shark Tale: oh ive awakened from my deep slumber time to CHOMP 

Inkling Kin: sdfsfdsfdsf 

Cats- The Good One: accurate lol

Assene Lupin: stop bullying him it's just his instincts

Lobster Lord: Goro isn’t an animal, but that might not be the same for his brain.

Inkling Kin: oof sick burn better call the wambulance

Assene Lupin: you guys cant kill my hubby before we get married :(

twirly whirly: got it! ouchiwouwchi.mp4

Inkling Kin: that sure is a file name

Assene Lupin: aw he’s so cute 

Shark Tale: christ almighty that was horrifying

Cats- The Good One: that was like watching a rabid dog maul my friend

twirly whirly: oh gosh my scream is a bit loud

twirly whirly: sorry about that. I should have gave a warning

Lobster Lord: It adds to the entertainment factor, I don’t mind.

Vroom Vroom: I should be shocked by Akira’s nonchalantness but at this point I’m used to this.

Vroom Vroom: Also how is anything in this video cute?

Grenades and Girlz: i think the the bloodlust in his eyes is precious 

Assene Lupin: thank you for your validation, Haru

Inkling Kin: fricking “oh shit im bleeding” killed me dshfsjdfks

Shark Tale: goro was fricking snarling and growling like 

Shark Tale: is that even real?

Cats- The Good One: y u start with “watch out for the pancakes”? did u have a death wish?

Grenades and Girlz: when did this even happen, Akira

Grenades and Girlz: did you atleast get that cleaned up and patched up?

Assene Lupin: uhhhhhhh Kasumi help

twirly whirly: he went to his shady doctor and was fine don’t worry

twirly whirly: she thought he was attacked by a police dog too

Lobster Lord: It's hard to deny the resemblance so I understand her assumption.

Cats- The Good One: she wouldn’t be technically wrong lolol

Vroom Vroom: Oh my god why didn’t you tell us?

Assene Lupin: i didnt want to embarrass him lol

Assene Lupin: i think i have a light scar still

Shark Tale: atleast u have an epic story to tell

Shark Tale: “haha yeah my kinda husband bit me and i didn’t get rabies”

Inkling Kin: that’s a pretty weak achievement tbh

Assene Lupin: lets start planning tomorrow since the chat got pretty off track and Kasumi wasn’t here

twirly whirly: my bad ill pay more attention next time

Grenades and Girlz: don’t worry. Nothing is set in stone. Yet

Shark Tale: now im getting kinda hype for this 

Cats- The Good One: same tbh i have to plan my outfit now

Vroom Vroom: It’ll be very interesting how things turn out so count me excited.

Lobster Lord: I too am very ecstatic for the opportunity to design a space fit for two kings.

twirly whirly: this’ll be my very first wedding let alone planning one!

Inking Kin: ditto

Grenades and Girlz: ah, i think ill be planning for the rest of the night im so excited.

Assene Lupin: hey i found the picture of my bitten bleeding hand lol

Assene Lupin: wanna see

Inkling Kin: cancelled

Cats- The Good One: im begging you not to

Shark Tale: BRo stOp

twirly whirly: no thanks

twirly whirly: i don’t need to see it again

Vroom Vroom: Akira

Grenades and Girlz: Akira please

Lobster Lord: Sure

Vroom Vroom: Yusuke.

Chapter Text

9 Rats One Bus

Saturday at 8:27 am

Assene Lupin changed the chat name to 9 Rats One Wedding

Assene Lupin: ok at first all this wedding talk was a joke but now i cant stop thinking bout it

Inkling Kin: my expectations r real high so it better be not trash

Grenades and Girlz: oh my I’ve been thinking the same thing Akira

Grenades and Girlz: my planner is on the verge of exploding. It’s about as heavy as my axe head.

Assene Lupin: oh my dat boi be thicc

Inkling Kin: carrying that around give +3 strength while equipped

Grenades and Girlz: I’ll able carry Makoto by the end of the the week 

Assene Lupin: carry me too plz

Inkling Kin: me 2 plz

Grenades and Girlz: give me about two weeks

Unwilling Accomplice: That could make for a great bludgeoning weapon

Assene Lupin: Haru im begging u plz don’t bring it to our ceremony

Grenades and Girlz: Goro if you ruin all my planing I will use this book on you

Unwilling Accomplice: Understandable, I will try to restrain myself on said day

Inkling Kin: haru has tamed da beast

Assene Lupin: hurrah thanky you plant mom ily

Grenades and Girlz: i love you too my child

Unwilling Accomplice: I’m surprised that you all are taking any of this seriously

Assene Lupin: y

Unwilling Accomplice: It seems like a waste of time to me

Grenades and Girlz: celebrating love is never a waste, Goro >:(

Inkling Kin: u failed haru s vibe check

Cats-The Good One: oh i just got the bad vibes too

Unwilling Accomplice: I mean Akira already has my signature so he can evade taxes so

Assene Lupin: it's the principle of the matter

Cats-The Good One: just shutup and accept the wedding!!!!

Unwilling Accomplice: I just feel guilty

Unwilling Accomplice: That's all

Inkling Kin: wut bout Akira he printed the paper and erthing

Unwilling Accomplice: He can party on his own can’t he?

Assene Lupin: no i cant

Cats-The Good One: u don’t celebrate often do you

Unwilling Accomplice: I’ve never had anything to celebrate

Assene Lupin: D: we better change that soon

Inkling Kin: oof

Cats-The Good One: but now u do boi 

Grenades and Girlz: you will celebrate your wedding 

Grendes and Girlz: you will have a good time

twirly whirly: hey im online without someone calling me in lol

twirly whirly: Also you better promise me you won’t be a runaway bride

Cats- The Good One: omg if you do ill never forgive you 

Assene Lupin: i need you Goro

Assene Lupin: blease dont run away from my love

Unwilling Accomplice: Your affection is sickening

Unwilling Accomplice: Still I will take your offer and attend

Assene Lupin: oh thank christ it wouldn’t be the same w/out you

Grenades and Girlz: of course you would. I would have made it so.<3

Unwilling Accomplice:I don’t doubt you, Haru

twirly whirly: yay I hope we have lots of fun

Unwilling Accomplice: I guess I better iron out the suit

Assene Lupin: you have a suit?

Cats-The Good One: ohhhhh mr.fancy

twirly whirly: what color?

Inkling Kin: of course he had one

Unwilling Accomplice: Its white

Assene Lupin: AWOOOGA

Inkling Kin: pfffftttt of course it white

Unwilling Accomplice: You know me so well

Inkling Kin: predictable *scoff* pathetic

Unwilling Accomplice: Like I said you know me so so well

twirly whirly: it's just your style I approve

twirly whirly: :thumbsup:

Cats-The Good One: most things will look good on u tbh

Cats-The Good One: your looks r pretty flexible

twirly whirly: its that detective prince charm ™

Assene Lupin: i think most things look good off you

Inkling Kin: akira is h-word

twirly whirly: h-word?

Inkling Kin: ur 2 pure 2 taint

Cats-The Good One: omg wut Akira gonna wear?????

Assene Lupin: a black wedding dress duh

Cats-The Good One: yes yes yes

twirly whirly: ohhhhh i can see that

Grenades and Girlz: that would fit wonderfully for the theme!

Unwilling Accomplice: That sounds lovely

Cats-The Good One: wait do u even have one?

Assene Lupin: not yet but we can go get one

Cats-The Good One: hold up dresses take like months in advance to tailor

Assene Lupin: oop

twirly whirly: thats not good 

Grenades and Girlz: don’t worry. I can get you a personal tailor after you pick out a dress

Unwilling Accomplice: Congrats, your lack of foresight hasn’t ruined everything yet

Assene Lupin: yet

Inkling Kin: yeet

Cats-The Good One: lets go find you a dress later today

Assene Lupin: im down to clown

Inkling Kin: imma pass

twirly whirly: id love to go shopping too, if you don’t mind

Assene Lupin: you have to, you have no choice in the matter

Cats-The Good One: of course we wouldn’t mind, we need you too

Assene Lupin: bridesmaid outfits guys

Cats-The Good One: agfdahdj omg yeah!!!!!

twirly whirly: ah i can’t wait

Grenades and Girlz: i’m required to come as well 

Grenades and Girlz: to coordinate outfits and such

Grenades and Girlz: @ Unwilling Accomplice please send me a photo of your suit immediately

Unwilling Accomplice: Yes ma’am

Inkling Kin: im gonna wear my pjs and a tie and be da best bridesmaid

Cats-The Good One: oh boy

Assene Lupin: wut color?

Inkling Kin: all of them

Assene Lupin: proceed

Inkling Kin: don’t tell me wut 2 do

Assene Lupin: i am ur tyrant bend to my will

Unwilling Accomplice: *blink blink*

Grenades and Girlz: oh no

twirly whirly: oh no

Goro tossed his phone back onto his plush bed and let out a weak chuckle. There was only so much chao he could handle in the morning, let alone seconds after waking up. After peeling himself out of his warm blankets, he stumbled towards his closet with one mission in mind. Flinging the door open, his eyes scanned through the plethora of gray and brown coats, past the sizable collection of Featherman shirts, and focused on the forgotten few in the back. What ancient relics lie beneath the sea of neutral tones had been long forgotten, a mystery for the great detective to unravel.  Shoving aside his usual attire, his eyes landed on the strange bundle of colors tucked all the way in the furthest corner.

His natural curiosity got the better of him, his hand already pulling each article of clothing one by one. He tossed them on his bed and laid them out flat, watching the array of colors turn his sheets from red to anything but. As he pulled the forgotten memories out from storage and into the limelight his hand grazed one of the softest fabrics he didn’t know he had. As the tacky gold foil stars came into view, the memories hit him right in the forehead. In one glorious moment of clarity, the mysterious origins of all the forgotten outfits came to light. His cheeks burned as he dropped the red hoodie to the floor, feeling second hand embarrassment from his own past self. 

“Fucking, Akira,” he mumbled as he looked at his bed. As he connected the dots together his mind filled in the blanks of their story. “I better return these soon.” His hands returned to rummaging through the forest of fabrics in search of his trusty formal suit. He’d worn it to high class parties from time to time back when he had to manage his public image. Though black was the defalt most fell into, he was never the type to rest in the status quo. White had always been his preference for as long as he could remember, from the heros on tv to simple color choices. There would always be those who tease his “tacky” decisions but honestly he didn’t care much. In fact he was finding it hard to care at all. 

Every time he’d let himself get even a little excited at the idea of having a mock wedding, his head would chant ‘this means nothing, get over yourself’ without hesitation. It really damperd his mood as he went back to look for his party outfit. Trying to find the will to keep up the search got harder and harder as his inner monologue took over, how nice. “Where the fuck is it?” he muttered as he grabbed some of the hangers and pulled them off the rack with a bit more force than he needed. He tossed the coats to the floor and grumbled, “why do I even give a shit.” He stepped back from his closet and fell right back onto his bed, tempted to give up right then and there. He glanced at his phone, a reminder of the fate that awaited him if he didn’t bow to Haru’s demands, and sighed. He knew the long and ardous search ahead of him was unavoidable, all for a stupid party he struggled to find any reason to take seriously. Still he wanted to have a little fun and play pretend with their love charade. 

9 Rats One Wedding

Saturday at 1:48 pm

Shark Tale: oh shit I just woke up wut did i miss?

Assene Lupin: u wanna come shop for a dress w/ us

Shark Tale: bro duh don’t even ask

Shark Tale: ur gonna need a dudes insight too

Shark Tale: when tho?

Assene Lupin: uh idk 3 or something

Assene Lupin: we’ll met up a LeBlanc then we’ll go out

Shark Tale: sweet ill be there

Shark Tale: in the meantime wats up wit the bad vibes from earlier

Grendes and Girlz: Goro had second thoughts about celebrating because he feels like he doesn’t deserve it

Shark Tale: >:l

Grenades and Girlz: my thoughts exactly

Shark Tale: man i swear to god im going to go to his apartment rn and make him feel appreciated if he keeps this up

Assene Lupin: you have my blessing

Shark Tale: thx

Grenades and Girlz: I may have to come along as well 

Shark Tale: yeah if its both of us then he ll have to accept our love

Shark Tale: thats just what homies do

Vroom Vroom: Are you threatening to give Goro affection?

Shark Tale: duh

Vroom Vroom: I just wanted to make sure I understood.

Grenades and Girlz: its the only way we know how

Vroom Vroom: I know. 

Vroom Vroom: He’s very stubborn when it comes to things like this.

Shark Tale: I know rite!

Shark Tale: makes me so effin angry when hes like dat

Grenades and Girlz: don’t worry. We’ll break him eventually

Assene Lupin: aggressive affection

Vroom Vroom: If that’s what it comes to then I guess I’ll have to help.

Grenades and Girlz: with our powers combined we can do anything!

Shark Tale: alright!

Shark Tale: next time Goro goes all

Shark Tale: “ohhhh i don’t deserve love wah wah” we will beat it into him

Grenades and Girlz: I promise to be there when you call

Vroom Vroom: I promise to tag along too.

Assene Lupin: idk if i should be concerned w/ the threats on my future husband’s life

Assene Lupin: but i love ya’ll so i trust you won’t demolish him

Grenades and Girlz: I will try to hold back >:3c

Shark Tale: depends on the shit he says 

Assene Lupin: oh i just remembered

Assene Lupin: Makoto do u wanna to dress hunting later?

Assene Lupin: also u invite ur sister yet?

Vroom Vroom: I’m busy today so I won’t be able to join you. Sorry.

Assene Lupin: aw, tis fine tho

Vroom Vroom: I haven’t asked her yet but I will when she comes back from work.

Assene Lupin: epic

Shark Tale: not to be rude but y do you want her to come?

Assene Lupin: 1. She’s very nice and kool

Assene Lupin: 2. She’s Makoto’s sister so yeah

Assene Lupin: 3. She’s Goro’s work mom 

Shark Tale: u rite

Shark Tale: dang Makoto, y do u get two siblings??

Vroom Vroom: I’m the so-called “Phantom Mom” so I think I've earned the right.

Assene Lupin: and Haru is “plant Mom” so we’re one big gay family

Shark Tale: hell yeah

Vroom Vroom: Haru and I are here to make sure the team doesn’t fall apart.

Grenades and Girlz: that’s what makes us a great team!

Vroom Vroom: <3

Grenades and Girlz: <3

Assene Lupin: :eyes:

Shark Tale: :eyes:

Lobster Lord: What are we looking at?

Assene Lupin: the girls are smoochin again

Vroom Vroom: So?

Grenades and Girlz: we’re gay, keep scrolling please

Shark Tale: you heard the ladies, let's get going

Assene Lupin: eye eye captain 

Lobster Lord: Such a shame, but I will be off.

Assene Lupin: gonna rob a bank to get ready to dress shop

Vroom Vroom: Akira.

Assene Lupin: my bank account

Vroom Vroom: Thin Ice.

Assene Lupin: wait Yusuke, want to go dress shopping?

Lobster Lord: Although that sounds lovely, I’ve just been struck with inspiration for the ceremony and I must illustrate my ideas before they escape me. Thank you for your offer.

Assene Lupin: dats ok, can’t wait to see your stuff

Lobster Lord: Indeed.

Vroom Vroom: Are they gone?

Vroom Vroom: Finally, some privacy.

Grenades and Girlz: :D 

Vroom Vroom: *smooch*

9 Rats One Wedding

Saturday at 4:52 pm

twirly whirly: jokerhadtodoittoem.png

twirly whirly: @Unwilling Accomplice are your ready?

Lobster Lord: You look exquisite, Akira.

Vroom Vroom: Wow, I don’t know what I expected but this is on the dot.

Inkling Kin: no tiddies goth husband

Unwilling Accomplice: Oh

Unwilling Accomplice: Oh my~

Chapter Text

Goro looked at his clock for the fifth time in the past three hours, his closet bare and his arms completely exhausted. His room looked as if a tornado had ravaged his clothes and nothing else, cloth replaced whatever his floor used to look like. In its place, a cacophony of fabrics and color from the hive of coats to ancient featherman tee-shirts decorated the ground. Despite the entire expanse of his wardrobe out on display, his old suit was nowhere in sight and his diligent search was all for nothing. As he stared at the sad state his room was in, he sighed and tossed himself on his bed which also housed his winter coats. He could feel the plastic buttons jab at his body but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He clenched his fist and pounded it against his mattress, letting out a grunt which was muffled by his pillow. 

He could already imagine the faux simile hiding the fire in Haru’s eye as she waited for the photo he promised her, a signature sign of disappointment that he’d seen far too often. He’d learned many times before that she was not someone he could piss off and get away scott free which ,rightfully so, sparked some fear within him. As he ran his fingers through his bangs he hissed, “I don’t have the fucking time for this bullshit.” The urge to kick the nearest object was cut short by the timer on his phone going off, the familiar six note tune sending him into panic. After spitting out a slew of curses, Goro darted out of his apartment and hopped onto his bike with adrenaline running through his veins and fire in his eyes. 

9 Rats One Wedding

Saturday at 7:28 pm

Assene Lupin: dress shopping took way longer than i thought

Assene Lupin: but dayum i look good

Cats- The Good One: u really do

Assene Lupin: im coming for ur job and ur wig 

Cats- The Good One: hey stay in ur lane 

Assene Lupin: the runway isnt big enough for da both of us

Cats- The Good One: then get off the stage <3

Inkling Kin: ew go stroke ur ego in private stinky

Assene Lupin: i dont get privacy w/ morgana around

Inkling Kin: is dat excuses i hear? 

Assene Lupin: look at that picture and tell me i dont look absolutely bonkin

Inkling Kin: u look like that gurl in the coffin in that MCR music video

Assene Lupin: so “beautiful mysterious and every girl’s emo dream”? 

Inkling Kin:...

Assene Lupin: your silence is telling

Assene Lupin: i knew we could agree

Inkling Kin: :/

Inkling Kin: no comment

Assene Lupin: i rest my case

Cats- The Good One: its ok Futaba, we all hate to admit the truth

Cats- The Good One: but……………..

Assene Lupin: on that note

Assene Lupin changed their name to No Tiddies Goth Husband

No Tiddies Goth Husband: thanks gremlin i love it

Inkling Kin: i'm gonna need royalties

No Tiddies Goth Husband: im your dicktator i do wut i want

Inkling Kin: guys plz help overthrow the gov

Inkling Kin: kira is the gov

No Tiddies Goth Husband: don’t you dare

Cats- The Good One: i got chu Futaba

No Tiddies Goth Husband: *gasps*

Inking Kin: thx, ily but not in a cuck kinda way

Inkling Kin: i respect shiho 2 much

Cats- The Good One: *smooch*

Lobster Lord: Isn’t overthrowing corrupt governments what Phantom Thieves do?

No Tiddies Goth Husband: yes but not this one

No Tiddes Goth Husband: im special

Inkling Kin: x to doubt

Cats- The Good One: will chu join us, Yusuke

No Tiddies Goth Husband: dont

Lobster Lord: How ominous, I’m afraid of enduring our Dicktator's wrath.

Lobster Lord: I’ll pass for now.

Inkling Kin: you disappoint me bootlicker

Cats- The Good One: hold up wrath Wdym

Lobster Lord: I can feel the rage within his text. He’s planning something, no doubt. 

Inkling Kin: pppft wut’s the worse he could do

Cats- The Good One: ill protecc u

No Tiddies Goth Husband changed Inkling Kin to Gremlin Traitor

No Tiddies Goth Husband changed Cats- The Good One to Furry Fugitive

No Tiddies Goth Husband changed Lobster Lord to Lobster Loyalist

 No Tiddies Goth Husband: thx yusuke for your allegiance

Furry Fugitive: WHAT im not a FURRY!!!!

Gremlin Traitor: u culd have done worse

No Tiddies Goth Husband: privilege check

Furry Fugitive: AKIRAAAAAA, plz i hate this

Gremlin Traitor: wait wait wait wait wiat

Gremlin Traitor: MY MOD POWERS

Furry Fugitive: i know youll just change it back if i do it

Gremlin Traitor: noooooooooooooooooo

No Tiddies Goth Husband: hitting where it hurts bby

Lobster Loyalist: I don’t see why I was punished too. :(

No Tiddies Goth Husband: just a sign of your obedience

Lobster Loyalist: I don’t like it as much as my old name.

Gremlin Traitor: i can’t even change it for youuuu

Lobster Loyalist: Can I change it back?

Gremlin Traitor: ye

No Tiddies Goth Husband: naw

Lobster Loyalist: This doesn’t help me in the slightest.

Furry Fugitive: liking the cats musical doesn’t make me a furry. its not like im into any other furry stuff or anything. Disney don’t count cuz everybody likes them and their stuff is cute. And my metaverse outfit wasn’t my choice OK!

No Tiddies Goth Husband: furry

Furry Fugitive: STOPPPPPPP

Gremlin Traitor: furry

Furry Fugitive: I thought we were on the same team!?

Gremlin Traitor: kek

Lobster Loyalist: Can someone change my nickname for me? I’m afraid I can’t quite figure it out.

Shark Tale: furry

Furry Fugitive: RYUJI UR SO MEAN!!!!

Shark Tale: bro you see your icon in the corner? tap dat shit and u can change it

Gremlin Traitor: ur no fun

Shark Tale: gotta help my bro bro

No Tiddies Goth Husband: Are you opposing my reign, Ryuji Sakamoto?

Shark Tale: oh shit oh fuck

Shark Tale: joker just brought out full names and commas

Gremlin Traitor: uh oh stinky

Shark Tale: look i aint gonna step on ur toes man

Shark Tale: just helping out another bro

No Tiddies Goth Husband: where do ur loyalties lie?

Gremling Traitor: ...

Lobster Loyalist: I feel a great sense of dread emitting from this conversation.

Furry Fugitive: ...

Lobster Loyalist: Also, it seems that I am unable to find the option u mentioned.

Shark Tale: u can’t bait me into taking sides again

Shark Tale: look at the option third from the top

No Tiddies Goth Husband: where do ur loyalties lie?

Furry Fugitive: gah it's even scarier the second time

Shark Tale: back offf dude

Gremling Traitor: we need an adult

Lobster Loyalist: @Vroom Vroom

No Tiddies Goth Husband: where do ur loyalties lie?

Shark Tale: …

Vroom Vroom: Why am I considered an adult? I’m the same age as Haru and Goro.

Vroom Vroom: And why is everyone’s names different?

Gremlin Traitor: *blink blink*

Furry Traitor: *blink blink*

Shark Tale: *blink blink*

Lobster Loyalist: Akira is, once again, abusing his powers and oppressing those who mock him. Ryuji is being threatened, I have tried to remain neutral, we require assistance.

Vroom Vroom: Thank you. 

No Tiddies Goth Husband: Makoto.

Vroom Vroom: Akira.

No Tiddies Goth Husband: there r perks to being a loyalist…

Vroom Vroom: Like a lap dog? Insulting. What do you take me for?

No Tiddes Goth Husband: i take you for a strong powerful ally

Vroom Vroom: Flattery? Where do you expect to take this conversation? 

No Tiddies Goth Husband: support my cause and I can guarantee a 69% chaos reduction

Vroom Vroom: I’ve been against your power surge since the beginning and freedom is one of my main values. As a phantom thief I am disappointed in your desire for a police state over your own team. What makes you think I’ll toss my conviction aside for this?

No Tiddes Goth Husband: and immunity from nickname changes

Vroom Vroom: Sold.

Shark Tale: WHAAATTT

Gremlin Traitor: very OOC for queen

Gremlin Traitor: seems susp

Shark Tale: we re doomed we re fucked 

Furry Fugitive: i can’t believe we ve been betrayed by our leader AND second in command

Lobster Loyalist: Despair fills my entire being. I fear the worst for this chat.

Lobster Loyalist changed to Lobster Lord

Lobster Lord: In other news, I figured it out. Thank you, Ryuji.

Shark Tale: good job

Vroom Vroom: Look guys, I have other things to do other than taking Akira off his iron throne. 

Vroom Vroom: I don’t want to get involved, good luck.

Furry Fugitive: no wait, Queen plz!!!!!!

Vroom Vroom: Can you guys wrap this up by tomorrow? Thanks. Bye.

Gremlin Traitor: we’re down a unit

Shark Tale: bros im scared 

Lobster Lord: This newfound unbridled power is worrying. I fear the worst.

No Tiddies Goth Husband: as you should be

Furry Fugitive: i miss the old Akira

No Tiddes Goth Husband: improve your aim then

Shark Tale: ughhhhh, dat ain’t even funny

Lobster Lord: It's a shame our leader has lost his morals and his sense of humor.

Gremlin Traitor: thats terrible i hate it here

No Tiddies Goth Husband: and it’s about to get alot worse 

Furry Fugitive: ughhhhh

Shark Tale: oh shit

Gremlin Traitor: this is why we should overthrow the gov

Gremlin Traitor: thx 4 coming 3 my tedtalk

Lobster Lord: Should I assume the worse? 

Gremlin Traitor: yes Inari

Lobster Lord: I already have

No Tiddies Goth Husband:  :)

Akira giggled as he stared at his screen, a world of possibilities in the palm of his hand that he’d drag his friends down into. His single functional brain cell kicked into overdrive as the deep library of memes reintroduced themselves to his active vocabulary. Finally, his vast knowledge that he’d built up over his mortal lifespan had found it’s time to shine in this one moment. Morgana jumped onto his workbench by the couch he was on, squinting at the tiny text on the screen. “What are you laughing about? It better not be about me”

“Nope.”

“Is it one of those funny videos that repeats?”

“No cigar.”

“Hmmph, then what’s so funny?”

Akira stopped typing and looked up into Morgana’s sky blue eyes and blurted, “Pantom Party Possy.”

“What?”

@LaMperatrice

Saturday at 7:42 pm

LaJustice: I know this is late but

LaJustice: I regret to inform you that I lied about the suit

LaJustice: Granted it wasn’t intentional

LaJustice: So cut me some slack

LaMperatrice: what’s the next time you’re available?

LaJustice: Trying to find the time to put me down?

LaMperatrice: don’t be dramatic

LaMperatrice: you still have a wedding to attend

LaJustice: You don’t have to hide your rage

LaJustice: I’m painfully aware of my fate the next time we meet

LaMperatrice: i’m not mad

LaJustice: Don’t finish that

LaMperatrice: just a bit disappointed

LaJustice: Hhhggg

LaMperatrice: ?

LaJustice: Fuck

LaJustice: That hurt more than anything that’s happened in the past year

LaMperatrice: even getting shot by your double?

LaJustice: Much much worse

LaMperatrice: don’t fret

LaMperatrice: we can go shopping for the perfect outfit as soon as you’re available

LaMperatrice: then you can rectify your mistake

LaJustice: You drive a hard bargain

LaJustice: By which i mean i don’t have a choice do I

LaMperatrice: nope :)

LaJustice: Never with you at least

LaJustice: How does Monday night at 5 sound?

LaMperatrice: perfect, works for me

LaMperatrice: where shall we meet?

LaJustice: By the station closest to your place

LaJustice: We can start our search from there

LaMperatrice: oh we should invite the others too

LaJustice: That's unnecessary

LaJustice: We’re just trying out clothes which is quite frankly extremely mundane

LaMperatrice: wouldn’t it be more fun with friends?

LaJustice: It's a shame i have none

LaMperatrice: >:(

LaJustice: Just a joke

LaMperatrice: don’t say such sad things

LaJustice: Am I not allowed to humor myself?

LaMperatrice: they say that the more you say something the more you believe it

LaMperatrice: and you, Goro Akechi, have said it far too often

LaJustice: So?

LaMperatrice: ...

LaMperatrice: oh goodness you poor poor fool

LaJustice: Did you just call me a fool?

LaMperatrice: go invite YOUR friends to come shopping with us later

LaMperatrice: its more fun that way

LaJustice: I can tell you’re in no mood to argue so I’ll comply

LaJustice: See you then, your majesty

LaMperatrice: the same to you, prince

Phantom Party Possy

Saturday at 7:50 pm

Unwilling Accomplice: I

No Tiddies Goth Husband: hey honey

Furry Fugitive: HELP PLZ!!!!!!!!

Lobster Lord: The new name doesn't even have proper alliteration!

Lobster Lord: How uncouth.

Gremlin Traitor: shut up Inari

No Tiddies Goth Husband: hey r u a prep or a goth?

Unwilling Accomplice: What?

Shark Tale: escape while u can bro

Furry Fugitive: actually that's a good question Akira

Gremlin Traitor: omg Crow has mod powers

Shark Tale: for real?!?!

Lobster Lord: Our savior in the dark

Unwilling Accomplice: Everybody shut up for a minute

Unwilling Accomplice: Why is everything different?

Shark Tale: Akira

Unwilling Accomplice: Why do I have moderator abilities and Futaba doesn’t?

Gremlin Traitor: Akira

Unwilling Accomplice: And the the fuck is Akira talking about?

Furry Fugitive: Akira

No Tiddies Goth Husband: u were a total prep when we first met but definitely goth at heart

No Tiddies Goth Husband: but i can’t deny the facts laid in front of me

Unwilling Accomplice: Explain yourself

No Tiddies Goth Husband: if we go with the narrative foils theme then I guess this works

No Tiddies Goth Husband changed Unwilling Accomplice to All Ass Prep Husband

No Tiddies Goth Husband: see its symbolic too

All Ass Prep Husband: Fuck this fuck you fuck all this tom fuckery

Shark Tale: broooooooo the thirst is showing

Gremlin Traitor: hkvrwodopjwsojd

Furry Fugitive: omgeeeeeee

Lobster Lord: Although I understand the naming convention, does it have to be so crass?

All Ass Prep Husband changed to Aspiring Widow

No Tiddies Goth Husband: oof

No Tiddies Goth Husband: dis wouldn’t be the first time u wanted me dead

Aspiring Widow: and it won’t be the last

No Tiddies Goth Husband: and it won’t be the last

Gremlin Traitor: oh shit same time text

No Tiddes Goth Husband: that shows dat we’re soulmates

Aspiring Widow: Im going to strangle you

No Tiddes Goth Husband: rude

Aspiring Widow: Slowly

No Tiddies Goth Husband: ruder

Furry Fugitive: we stan go crow boy go

No Tiddies Goth Husband: rudiest

Gremlin Traitor: ill record it

No Tiddies Goth Husband: ya’ll chill

Gremlin Traitor: :unoreversecard:

Gremlin Traitor: gimme my mod powers back

No Tiddies Goth Husband: no

Gremlin Traitor: >:(

Shark Tale: y dont u just use ur hacking powers?

Gremlin Traitor: 2 much work

Shark Tale: wat!!!!!

Gremlin Traitor: hacking means i gotta put down my switch

Gremlin Traitor: m in the middle of a game 

Lobster Lord: Now we know where your loyalties lie.

Furry Traitor: Goroooooooo plz help!!!!!

Aspiring Widow: How did you let this happen?

Gremlin Traitor: it all started when Joker got on his high horse

Aspiring Widow: I thought this chat couldn’t disappoint me any further

Aspiring Widow: And yet here we are

No Tiddies Goth Husband: who me?

Gremlin Traitor: proly

Aspiring Widow: All of you 

No Tiddies Goth Husband: D: y me tho?

Aspiring Widow: You’ve become a corrupt leader

No Tiddies Goth Husband: proof?

Aspiring Widow: Have you seen the state of this chatroom?

No Tiddies Goth Husband: yeah its great

Gremlin Traitor: x

Furry Traitor: :eyeroll:

Shark Tale: bro u know dat aint tru

Lobster Lord: I second that notion.

No Tiddes Goth Husband: guys come on its not that bad

Aspiring Widow: Don’t lie to yourself

No Tiddes Goth Husband: .....

Aspiring Widow: Akira, you’ve become what you’ve hated

Aspiring Widow: A corrupt government

No Tiddes Goth Husband: oh fuck

Gremlin Traitor: iid say im shocked but im not

Gremlin Traitor: i knew dis all along but Joker’s selectively deaf

Furry Fugitive: but now his future husband is saying it so its starting to hit him

Shark Tale: so his best bro begging him to stop does nothin

Shark Tale: but his rival does?

Lobster Lord: Yes.

Shark Tale: bruh

Gremlin Traitor: bruh moment

No Tiddes Goth Husband: tbh this whole dicktator thing was a joke at first

No Tiddes Goth Husband: but now that my hubby connected the dots

Aspiring Widow: not married

Furry Fugitive: yet

Gremlin Traitor: yeet

No Tiddes Goth Husband: ive had an on-brand Change of Heart™

Lobster Lord: Finally, what a relief. I had my doubts that our leader would ever come to his senses.

Gremlin Traitor: when we snatching dat treasure bois?

Shark Tale: when we send the callin card 

No Tiddes Goth Husband: no need fellow youth i relinquish the throne

No Tiddes Goth Husband: goro do the honors

Aspiring Widow: With pleasure

Aspiring Widow: “Case closed, this is where your justice ends.”

No Tiddes Goth Husband: sayonara, dicktatorship

Aspiring Widow: -Phoenix Ranger Featherman R Season 7, Episode 24

Gremlin Traitor: wait

Shark Tale: bro im i reading that correctly? 

Aspiring Widow: Futaba, enjoy your privileges again

Aspiring Widow: Akira, go into time out

No Tiddes Goth Husband: yes honey

Gremlin Traitor: shaddup for a minute nerd

Furry Traitor: bad dicktators go into the corner of shame

Lobster Lord: This implies the existence of good dicktators which I highly doubt.

Aspiring Widow: Ryuji, are you illiterate? I wouldn’t be surprised

Shark Tale: shaddup

Gremlin Traitor: did Goro Akechi, second coming of the detective prince, correctly quote and cite featherman off the top of his head?

Aspiring Widow: Apparently illiteracy runs rampant in this chat

Aspiring Widow: Also yes

Gremlin Traitor: boi

Gremlin Traitor: u me randevu akihabara asap

Aspiring Widow: Actually I was going to offer a joint shopping trip to the group chat this Monday

Furry Fugitive: oh sounds fun

Aspiring Widow: On Haru’s behalf of course

Furry Fugitive: but i gotta a shoot to attend

Gremlin Traitor: im down to clown

Gremlin Traitor: but we still need to visit akihabara at some point closet fanboy

Aspiring Widow: Very well

Aspiring Widow: The offer still stands for the others

Lobster Lord: Since I missed out last time it seems only fitting that I join this one.

Gremlin Traitor: good inari

Shark Tale: man i cant

Shark Tale: promised my mom id help her get groceries n shit

Shark Tale: my b

Aspiring Widow: Respectable, you are pardoned.

Shark Tale: bro dont go actin all high n mighty n shit

Furry Fugitive: wait does Goro still have mod privileges?

Lobster Lord: This doesn’t sit well.

No Tiddes Goth Husband: dicktator part 2

Gremlin Traitor: get back into the corner

No Tiddes Goth Husband: u cant control me

Aspiring Widow: Silence fool

Gremlin Traitor: mute hammer

Furry Fugitive: oof

Shark Tale: if you pull another dick move i swear to god

Lobster Lord: Correction: “dicktator”

Furry Fugitive: h

Aspiring Widow: If it makes you feel better then take away my powers

Aspiring Widow: Trust me I have no intention on usurping this chat

Gremlin Traitor: i wouldnt let u anyways

Gremlin Traitor: imma start setting up troubleshoots to prevent an akira part 2

Shark Tale: but how do we kno u wont pull a move like that?!?

Lobster Lord: That is a good point. How can we trust you?

Gremlin Traitor: trust me and my trustable face

Lobster Lord: X.

Lobster Lord: Did I do that right?

Shark Tale: ur doin great sweetie

Gremlin Lord: hes evolving as we speak

Furry Fugitive: never thought id see the day that id see ryuji say “sweetie”

Shark Tale: man i just want to be supportive n shit back off

Lobster Lord: I appreciate it very much. Thank you.

Furry Fugitive: sorry i didnt mean to tease

Shark Lord: :thumbsup:

Furry Fugitive: its actually pretty cute 

Aspiring Widow: I’ll let the exiled speak again and see what happens

Shark Tale: ok Furry

No Tiddes Goth Husband: bro u never call me sweetie

Furry Fugitive: i take back everything i said i hate u

Shark Tale: didnt see an opening 

Shark Tale: plus now ur a married man and i dont want to cross lines

Aspiring Widow: We aren’t married so go ahead

No Tiddes Goth Husband: yet

Furry Fugitive changed to Shiho’s Biggest Fan

Shiho’s Biggest Fan: reminder that i love my girlfriend

Gremlin Traitor: message received

No Tiddes Goth Husband: i assumed that she’s gonna be ur plus one but i wanna make sure

Shiho’s Biggest Fan: how dare u assume otherwise

No Tiddes Goth Husband: just checking

Shiho’s Biggest Fan: i looooove her 

Shiho’s Biggest Fan: im gonna snatch that bouquet out of ur hands

No Tiddes Goth Husband: bold of u to assume im tossing em

Aspiring Widow: Should have told me this beforehand

No Tiddes Goth Husband: we’re still in planning stages

Shark Tale: ann aint even considering ME and my SICK ups

Lobster Lord: The competition is fierce it seems.

Shiho’s Biggest Fan: noooooooo

Shiho’s Biggest Fan: i cant wait for u to get a date to get married

Shiho’s Biggest Fan: that’ll take FOREVER

Shark Tale: BRO WHAT R U SAYING

Aspiring Widow: I can’t wait to cause some chaos

Aspiring Widow: In fact i guess i can start practicing right now

Aspiring Widow: forakira.png

No Tiddes Goth Husband: awww thx babe ur so thoughtful

Gremlin Traitor: asdfghjkl;

Shark Tale: UHHHH did u read the caption

Shark Tale: thats a no from me dawg

Shiho’s Biggest Fan: i cant tell if this is romantic or scarey

Lobster Lord: Why not both? Flowers can have many meanings.

Aspiring Widow: Only yusuke understands my deep artistic intentions

Aspiring Widow: Which i hope the few of you who can read can pick up

No Tiddes Goth Husband: illy too!

Aspiring Widow: This makes the illiterate count to three