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Chapter Text

Jim Kirk was incredibly nervous.

He’d heard so much about the Enterprise. Had wanted to be assigned there so badly. Captain Pike was widely admired across the Fleet, and that included Jim.

When he’d been advised he was going to be given either the Farragut or the Enterprise, he had to admit he’d done a little praying. Couldn’t hurt anyway.

He’d told his mother he was going to get either one, and unsurprisingly, her stupid husband, Frank, had to weigh in with a snide remark that was something like, “Whichever one you get, you’ll likely be barely noticed anyway.”

When his best friend, Leonard “Bones” McCoy got his assignment first, and it was on the Enterprise under CMO, Phillip Boyce, Jim was jealous. He began to fear that meant he was destined to get the Farragut.

“Jim, don’t be stupid. First of all, the Enterprise doesn’t just have one slot, and I filled it.”

Jim looked at him sullenly. “You sure?”

“Pretty sure. And I’m a doctor. You’re in navigation and on the command track. Two different areas. Calm down. You’ll get the Enterprise.”

“Are you sure? Because…”

“I’m sure. Doesn’t Pike like you? Wasn’t he the one who talked you into joining? And you’ve been fairly squeaky clean since.” Bones paused. “Well. Except for reprogramming the test.”

Jim winced. “I, ah, got an accommodation for original thinking.”

“Sure. But that Vulcan who programmed the test was not pleased. And I think he’s on the Enterprise. Science officer, right?”

“Yes. Oh God, you’re right, Bones. I’m doomed to be on the Farragut.”

Bones shrugged. “Could be worse. You’ll do fine on the Farragut.”

Eyes wide, Jim stared at him. “You-you really think I’ll be there?”

“Oh hell. How should I know? Come on, let’s get a drink.”

But, fortunately, Jim had been assigned the Enterprise, after all.

And now he and Bones were about to be beamed onboard for the very first time.

Jim’s palms were sweaty, his heart was racing, and he was desperately trying to ignore Frank’s voice in his head, “you are no one.”  

“You okay, Jim?”

He glanced at Bones. They were both wearing their uniforms. Lieutenant in blue for Bones and Ensign in gold for him. Bones got the higher rank because of his medical expertise. He was really damn smirky over it to Jim, too.

“Yeah. I’m okay. Just…” He licked his lips. “A little nervous.”

“Well, yeah. I can see that. We’re taking a big chance in this thing. Particles breaking up. No real guarantee we’ll come back in one piece. Hell, maybe I’ll have your arm and you’ll have my leg.”

“What?”

“Never mind. Chin up and let’s do this.” Bones looked at the officer manning the transporter. “Energize.”

Fortunately, they reappeared as themselves on the transporter pad on the Enterprise. He looked around for Captain Pike but did not see him. Instead, he saw the science officer, Spock, waiting and next to him was Pike’s first officer, known oddly as, Number One, though Jim had heard rumors her first name was Una.

“Ensign Kirk, Lieutenant McCoy,” Number One greeted them. “Welcome aboard the Enterprise.”

They stepped down and Jim didn’t know why, crazy he supposed, he went straight over to Spock. Crazy, because they’d spoken exactly four sentences to each other previously.

He clasped Spock on the shoulder. “Mr. Spock, it’s good to see…” A weird little tingle went all the way up his arm and through his body. “Whoa, whoa. What the heck was that?” He looked at Number One. “Commander, I think you’d better have a look into that transporter. There’s apparently something wrong with it. I just got a major shock.”

Spock straightened. “Negative, Ensign. The transporter is perfectly functional. What you experienced was a spontaneous bond forming between the two of us, as we are apparently T’hy’la.”

“Spock, what…?” This from Number One.

Jim just stared at him, only vaguely aware that he still had his hand on Spock.

Spock nodded. “Indeed. By Vulcan law, we are, technically, married.”

Bones sputtered. “Technically…what?”

“Correct, Doctor. Now, Ensign Kirk, welcome to the Enterprise.”

“Uh. Thanks?”

“Allow me to show you to our quarters.”

Chapter Text

“Now just a damn minute you green-blooded…”

Jim shot Bones a wide-eyed look and then gestured with a shoulder to the first officer.

“Commander,” Bones said, quickly, though with no less bite. “You can’t just make physical contact with Jim and declare yourselves married.”

“I can, in fact, do just that, Doctor, as I already have.”

Jim cleared his throat and took a step back. Two steps back. “Not that I’m not flattered—"

“Flattery has nothing to do with it,” Spock replied. “It is as much of a surprise to me as it is to you, Ensign.”

“Uh, right.” Jim sincerely doubted that. He found himself tugging at the collar of his uniform. He felt as hot as if he’d been sunburned and he suspected he was quite flushed red. “I just meant that I’m flattered you want to, uh, be married, but—”

“What I want is irrelevant,” Spock snapped. He turned toward Number One. “A Vulcan bond is a Federation recognized union.”

She exhaled. “I am aware of that, Commander. But perhaps it would be prudent to bring this to the captain’s attention for discussion.”

Spock looked stiffer than a board. He did not look at either Jim or Bones. “Very well. I will discuss it with Captain Pike.”

She nodded. “In the meantime, Ensign Kirk had already been assigned quarters, so, perhaps, for now, until this is straightened out officially, that is where Kirk should head.”

Jim nodded. “Shouldn’t I be there, though, if I’m the subject of the discussion?”

“Not at present, no. Find your quarters and the duty roster, and you will be notified if your presence is required. Doctor McCoy, once you have found your quarters, please report to sickbay and Doctor Boyce.” She paused. “Dismissed.”

Jim figured she really hadn’t needed to say that because the clear dismissal in her tone was quite sufficient, but with a last glance toward the cool, expressionless Vulcan, Jim exited the transporter room with Bones by his side.

“What the hell, Bones?” Jim said as soon as they were in the corridor heading for the nearest turbolift. “I don’t even know.”

“Don’t worry, Jim. Pike’s a good guy and reasonable. He’ll get it straightened out and get Spock the help he so obviously needs.”

Jim pursed his lips as they got in the turbolift and he chose the deck for the officer quarters. “You think he’s wrong?”

Bones snorted. “Wrong? I think he’s nuttier than a fruitcake. I know a bit about Vulcan bonds. Just a smattering mind you.”

“Smattering?”

“It’s a word,” Bones replied. The turbolift stopped and they got out. “Vulcans are bonded to other Vulcans as children.”

“Kids? That’s messed up.”

“They just get, well, kind of betrothed. Until they’re adults and blah blah.”

“I thought he was with Uhura. She seemed hung up on him anyway.” Jim frowned as he took out his PADD. “My quarters are 22045.”

“Maybe, maybe not. But it’s likely he had that betrothal bond as a child, so how he could be bonded to you?” Bones shook his head. “Complete nonsense. But the captain will be sure he gets psychologically assessed, don’t you worry.” He took out his own PADD. “22106.”

“Not even close to each other,” Jim complained. “All right, we better get settled and acclimated. I’ll talk soon, all right?”

Jim said goodbye to Bones and headed in the direction of 22045. While he walked, he looked up where Spock’s quarters were, even though honestly, he figured just like Bones. Not that Spock was losing it, just that he was mistaken. It was frankly difficult to get that haughty detestation look Spock gave him while accusing Jim of cheating on the Kobayashi Maru.

And the fact that Jim had been given a commendation ultimately, most definitely had to smart.    

Spock’s quarters were 22225 and appeared to be directly next to Pike’s, which was 22226.

Jim accessed 22045 with his palm print and discovered upon entering that his stuff had been brought there by some efficient crew member.

Once this whole thing got straightened out about being Spock’s teelah or whatever it was Spock said, Jim was pretty sure he was going to love being assigned to the Enterprise.

Or at least he hoped so.  

Chapter Text

“Are you sure this isn’t a mistake, Spock?”

Spock searched deep inside himself for that calm place that never failed to maintain his control. He recognized that Captain Pike meant well by the question. Humans were simply incapable of understanding the complexities of Vulcan bonds. But the question irked him, nonetheless.

“It is no mistake, sir. I recognized our bond upon direct physical contact with Mister Kirk.”

Pike pinched the bridge of his nose. “James Kirk. James T. Kirk?”

Spock had no idea what the point of repeating the name was to be, but he nodded. “One and the same.”

Pike sat back in his chair behind his personal terminal in his quarters. He steepled his fingers together. “What do you know of Kirk’s history?”

“I know that he uses any means, whether illegal or illicit, to gain his own advantage.”

“You speak of the Kobayashi Maru.”

Spock shrugged slightly. “It is well-known that he altered the test to pass it.”

“True.” Pike smiled. “And yet…it was ingenious.”

Spock made no comment because to him deceit was deceit, whatever the end result.

“You know what happened with George Kirk?”

“Killed aboard the Kelvin on the day of James Kirk’s birth.”

“While technically true, he saved hundreds of lives that day with his actions. It’s not easy being the son of a deceased hero.”

“Perhaps not,” Spock acknowledged. “It is my understanding you convinced Ensign Kirk to enlist in Starfleet yourself, Captain.”

“I did, yes. After finding him beaten from a bar flight in Riverside. Where he was from.”

Spock nodded. “I was advised somewhat of those circumstances from my acquaintance with Nyota Uhura.”

“He’s a brilliant man, Spock, and will, someday, make a brilliant captain.”

“That is your conjecture.”

“Sure,” Pike agreed. “Based on facts and evidence as well as intuition. The point here, Spock, is…you are a Vulcan. You very nearly completed Kolinahr. Or were at least considering it.”

“Correct.”

“I’m not sure Jim is the sort of spouse—"

“Bondmate.”

“Bondmate a Vulcan would do well with.”

“Meaning?”

“You are reserved in your emotions. You deliberately dim them, if you will. You find emotional displays—"

“Appalling.”

Pike smiled. “Yes, exactly. Jim Kirk is the opposite of that, Spock. You would find him intensely illogical.”

Spock pursed his lips. “Intense emotions or opinions of any kind are not something I experience, Captain.”

“I understand. But Jim is a highly emotional person, often leading with those very emotions you wish to dissociate yourself with.”

“While I comprehend what you are saying, sir, the bond already exists. It is not as though I am contemplating establishing a bond that is not there. This is not my choice, it is an…ancient mind connection that is rarely seen even in my own people.”

Pike sighed and once more pinched the bridge of his nose. “Do you even like Kirk?”

“It would be illogical to form an opinion regarding likeability based on our thus far limited acquaintance.”

“Right. Are you physically attracted to him?”

“Vulcans do not base bonds on physical attraction.”

“Probably not, but it will mean something to Jim. And you’re evading the question.”

Spock shrugged. “It would be illogical to deny he has aesthetic appeal.”

“And there’s one more thing, Spock. You say you have no choice here, but Humans believe that they do, the Federation believes that, also. I can’t tell Jim Kirk that he has no choice but to be your bondmate. It’s his choice.”

“Acknowledged.”

“So what will that mean for you if Jim says he has no intention of being bonded to you. Can this bond be terminated?”

He hesitated, as his head thrummed with pain at the very idea of being rejected by his T’hy’la. But Pike was correct. There was little he could do to force the issue if Kirk denied him.

“I am not certain, Captain, as I have not explored the issue, since I was unaware of my bond with Ensign Kirk until his appearance on the Enterprise. It is my understanding that breaking bonds between Vulcans can be both physically and mentally distressing though.”

“I always thought Vulcans were bonded as children. Or a preliminary one, right? Like a betrothal?”

“Normally, yes,” Spock replied. “I was to be bonded to a female Vulcan of like age to mine as a child, but her family rejected me due to my mixed heritage. She was bonded to another and I have never had one established. Given my connection to Kirk, it likely wouldn’t have been successful had it been tried.”

“All right, Spock. At this point, we need to talk to Jim about this. Find out his thoughts about it. You have three options. I can talk to Jim about it privately to spare you any discomfort, we can talk to him together, or you can explain it to him privately and gain his consent or refusal. If he consents, we can go forward with shared quarters after filing the necessary forms with Starfleet. If he does not consent, we will have to make some decisions from there.”

Spock considered this. His limited exposure to Jim Kirk had not been a particularly friendly exchange as Kirk had expressed open hostility to Spock when Spock had exposed his activities surrounding the Kobayashi Maru. In the transporter room when Spock had given the information about their bond, Kirk seemed a little less hostile.

But Spock could not be certain. Still, it would be far easier for him to make Kirk understand as he had firsthand knowledge Pike did not.

“I will speak to him, Captain.”

Pike nodded. “I’ll have Number one inform him to expect you in his quarters."

“Thank you, Captain. I will go now.”

“And, Spock, no pressure, all right?”

Spock arched a brow. “I would not.”

“Good. I’ll expect a report. Dismissed, Commander.”

Chapter Text

Standing outside Kirk’s door, Spock now felt entirely uncertain.

He had just spent several minutes explaining to Captain Pike there was no doubt in his mind, but now that he was preparing to discuss the situation with Ensign Kirk, Spock realized he was not being honest with his captain or himself.

He did doubt.

In the moment he had contact with Kirk in the transporter room there had been none, but that now seemed long ago and fleeting.

“Spock?”

He turned from his surveil of Kirk’s door to see Nyota approaching his location in the corridor. Her gaze went briefly to the door and then Spock.

“Is what I heard true, Spock?”

“What have you heard?”

“That you’re married.”

“It is not a marriage in the Terran sense,” Spock replied. “But it is a legally recognized relationship by the United Federation of Planets.”

She frowned. “Still. With…” Her words trailed off as her gaze once more went to Kirk’s quarters. “Are you sure?”

“Reasonably.”

“Spock, that’s not…what are you going to do?”

“I am going to discuss the matter with…the other party.” Spock wasn’t sure why he couldn’t say Kirk’s name out loud to Nyota. It was clear she knew, had heard, who it was with.  

Nyota pursed her lips. “Spock, you don’t have to do this. I’m sure you can get out of this. Your father—”

“I am not in communication with my father at present, Nyota. As you are aware he was dissatisfied with my choices.”

“Right, but I bet you can talk to your mother about it. Surely, the elders can get you out of this, whatever this is. It might not be what you suspect. Or, I don’t know, maybe Kirk is somehow manipulating the situation.”

“There is simply no way that he could be. He was surprised by my announcement. And other than at the hearing over the Kobayashi Maru, I have had no contact with him prior to his arrival on the Enterprise.”

“All right, but still. I don’t want you stuck in some sort of loveless arrangement with Kirk of all people.”

“A Vulcan bond has little to do with a Terran’s idea of romantic love, Nyota. I must discuss this with him.”

She sighed. “Okay. Well, if you need to talk later, I’m available. Let me know.”

“Of course.” Spock nodded at her to convey the idea that she was dismissed, and after a moment, during which she put her hand on his arm, Nyota moved off, and then down the corridor out of sight.

 Spock turned his attention back to the door of Ensign’s Kirk’s quarters. He raised his hand to indicate he wished entrance when the door abruptly opened.

Kirk himself stood there in the doorway, blue eyes nearly comically wide with surprise.

“Uh, Commander.”

“If you are about to exit your quarters as you are expected elsewhere, I can come back,” he offered.

Kirk’s tongue came out to trace his bottom lip nervously. “No, uh, it’s all right. I was just, uh, going to go for a walk. I’m not…I don’t have duty yet.” He stepped back. “Did you want to come in?”

Spock nodded and stepped inside as the door swished closed behind him. It was surprisingly warm in Kirk’s quarters. He had, as yet, not unpacked his belongings, as his luggage had been placed upon the single bed. Should Kirk agree to their bond, Spock knew this was the wise thing to do as he would be moving into Spock’s quarters.

“Would you like to sit?” Kirk asked.

Besides the single bed, there was a wardrobe, a small closet, a desk with a terminal and a chair, and a seating area with two chairs and an end table between them. It was this seating area that Kirk indicated when asking Spock to sit.

Spock anticipated this conversation taking a while, so he moved to sit, indicating Kirk should do the same.

Kirk did so, but Spock did not fail to notice he moved his chair further away from Spock.

“I do not intend to harm you,” Spock found himself saying.

Kirk simply nodded.

Spock let out a small sigh. “I am sure you have many questions.”

“Starting with…why me?”

“It was not a particular choice.”

Kirk flinched at that and Spock was not sure why.

“A bond of the type I discovered when you unknowingly touched me in the transporter room is rare and is not something a Vulcan would actively choose.”

That caused both of Kirk’s brows to rise. “Is that so?”

“Indeed. It is a spontaneous undertaking and has not been in existence for perhaps many hundreds of Vulcan years.”

“I see.”

But he said it in such a way, Spock could tell that Kirk did not see. At all.

“So, in other words, I bet you were mistaken.”

“Mistaken?”

Kirk nodded. “What happened when I touched your shoulder was just…a spark of electricity. Happens all the time when Humans touch each other. You get a bit of a shock. Depending on what—"

“No,” Spock interrupted sharply. “That is not what this was. Is.”

“Hmm. Really? Because it seems to me, you don’t really know for sure yourself.”

Kirk rose then and to Spock’s surprise came over to the chair in which Spock sat. He knelt on the floor in front of Spock and with his bare hand grabbed Spock’s bare hand in his.

If Spock had thought the tingle he felt when Kirk had grasped his shoulder felt strong, it was nothing compared to the jolt that went through their clasped hands, skin-to-skin. The jolt went up their arms and straight to their minds, creating such a bright, warm light between them, that Kirk yelped, let go of Spock’s hand and landed on his buttocks.

Spock stared down at Kirk, who stared up at him.

There was no doubt.

“What the hell was that?”

“Our bond,” Spock simply said. “You are my mate.”   

Chapter Text

Jim laughed. He knew afterward that was not the right reaction, or at least the one Commander Spock was expecting or wanting, because if looks could kill, yeah, Jim would be dead.

He moistened his lips and prepared to deflect whatever not so nice reply Spock intended to make.

“Listen, uh, it’s just that, Humans don’t…” Jim stopped for a moment, gathering his thoughts, and standing up once more. To put distance between himself and the Vulcan whose expression was getting increasingly thunderous.

Vulcans didn’t feel? Bullshit. This one was pissed.

“That’s not really the way it works with Humans,” Jim continued. “We don’t just touch someone and go ‘oh yeah, you’re the one’…er, I mean not the kind of touching you’re talking about anyway. Obviously in sexual situations…yeah, never mind that. I’m rambling.”

“You are indeed,” Spock cut in with enough frost in his tone to cause icicles to form in Jim’s quarters.  

“What I mean is Humans don’t have telepathic bonds, predestination things, like, uh, like I think you’re trying to say here.”

“You do not understand what I am saying at all.”

“Okay, well, I can’t deny that. I’m trying to say here that I don’t actually think that I’m your mate.”

“You are calling me a liar?”

“Heck, no. No. I wouldn’t. For one thing you outrank me and that would be stupid,” Jim tried to joke. It failed miserably, obviously.

Spock stood, his entire body so rigid he looked like he might break.

“Spock, I am sure you think I am this predestined mate thing. God knows you wouldn’t be in here telling me all this otherwise because you clearly hate my guts.”

“I have no deep feelings for you.”

Jim winced. He put his hand on his chest over his heart. “You wound me.”

“Ensign—"

“Sorry. I’m sorry. Just trying to lighten things up with a bit of bad humor.”

Spock straightened, looking even more on the verge of breaking. “I am not in the mood for amusement.”

Jim nodded. “I can tell. It’s not that I don’t find you, um, almost tolerable, it’s just that, in fact we don’t know each other much at all. And what we do know of each other can’t be viewed very positively from either of our viewpoint. You accused me of cheating.”

“You did cheat.”

“This is getting us nowhere,” Jim said under his breath.

“You experienced the evidence of our mental bond yourself only moments ago. Why do you choose to deny the existence?”

“Because I think you’re mistaken. I admit there was…something. I don’t know what though. And some fateful bond…it’s just…weren’t you seeing someone? Uhura?”

“Any prior relationships are of no consequence to the present one that exists between us.”

“So you can just, what, turn off feelings for someone else?”

“A Vulcan does not experience emotions in the same manner as Humans.”

Jim counted to ten in his head. “I know that. I’m not a dummy. But you do feel. And you had affection for someone else, didn’t you?”

“That is irrelevant. Affection between a Vulcan bonded pair is not required.”

Jim laughed. “I’m not a Vulcan. And this is just getting us nowhere. We’re running in circles here, Commander.”

Spock linked his hands behind his back. “Indeed. That is the first thing we can agree on. I propose a trial.”

“With judges?”

“Not that sort of trial. A trial period. You will move into my quarters as is usual for bonded pairs. What we have is a Federation recognized marriage as per Vulcan law, and Starfleet, being part of the Federation, is required to honor it. Arrangements are even now being made to move your belongings in with mine.”

Jim screwed up his lips. “Think maybe you should have asked me first?”

“I am doing so now.”

“No, you’re informing me.”

“This bickering is pointless and tedious. As stated, this will be a trial period to determine if we can become used to our bond and live in relative harmony.”

Jim crossed his arms in front of his chest. “And if we cannot?”

Spock released a long breath. “Then we will find a way to sever the bond so that we may go our separate ways.”

“And why not just make arrangements now to eliminate this so-called bond?”

Because nope, Jim still wasn’t buying it. Fate sometimes sucked when it came to him, but no way would it be cruel enough to bond him to Mister Stick Up His Ass.

Would it?

Okay, maybe he wasn’t entirely sure.

“Vulcans value their bonds and aren’t easily dismissive of them. I request that you, as Humans would say, give it a try.”

Jim still wanted to fight it, but he also recognized a large part of that was plain obstinance. Spock had been mean to him at the assembly and like it or not, it still smarted.

But he wasn’t a bratty kid anymore determined to hold on to resentment for resentment’s sake.

“All right. Agreed.”

He could just imagine telling Bones.

Chapter Text

After Spock left Jim's quarters, it occurred to him that Spock hadn’t put a time limit on their “trial” period and like a dummy, he hadn’t asked. For a moment, he thought about marching over to Spock’s quarters to ask, but then…didn’t.

Their quarters? Who knew. Jim just didn’t see how this was going to work. Spock hated him and frankly Jim wasn’t too fond of Spock.

Whatever the case was, Jim was hungry and he was due to meet Bones. Which he was now sorta dreading telling his friend about the fine mess he’d gotten himself into through absolutely no fault of his own.

Bones, predictably, was already seated at a table when Jim arrived for lunch. Jim went to the replicator and chose himself a chicken sandwich and coffee.

“Hey Bones.”

Bones frowned. “Where have you been? I went to your quarters but you weren’t there.”

“Yeah. Uh. I had a meeting with Spock.”

“Good. I hope that means the whole bond nonsense is straightened out.”

Jim moistened his lips, shook his head, and picked up his sandwich. “Not exactly.”

“Pike didn’t set him straight?”

“Apparently, Pike wanted us to reach some sort of resolution on our own.” Jim bit into his sandwich, chewed and swallowed. “So I met with Commander Spock.”

“And?” Bones prompted.

“He’s having my belongings moved into his quarters.”

Bones laughed.

“I’m serious.”

“What? How can he do that?”

“We’re Vulcan married or something. Recognized by the Federation and Starfleet. Blah blah. And he wants a trial period, when I pointed out we don’t get along, so, um, I guess that’s what we’re doing.”

“For how long?”

“I don’t know. I forgot to ask.” Jim put his sandwich down. “I’m losing my appetite. How am I supposed to even do this, Bones? If looks could kill, I’d be dead in that assembly. And honestly he’s still throwing the same nasty looks my way.”

“What about the Vulcan betrothal thing I told you about?”

“He didn’t mention it so I guess it doesn’t apply? He really didn’t let me get in a word edgewise and when I did, all we did was argue. Then he proposed a trial.”

“Are we sure this thing is even real? We only have his word for it that it even exists.”

“Vulcans don’t lie. Or so I hear.” Jim leaned his chin in his hand. “Does this mean I can’t date?”

Bones sputtered. “What?”

“I just…I met this other ensign in engineering and she was really pretty. I’m supposed to meet her tonight after shift.”

“Most married people don’t date, Jim.”

“Well. But I mean, it’s not really a marriage, is it? Nothing’s even been—what’s that word—consummated between us and isn’t likely to be, right?”

“Sounds like you’ve made up your mind that it’s okay to date and that you and Spock don’t stand a chance in hell of making it work.”

Jim gave Bones a look. “Do you?”

“No. But I think maybe you should speak to the hobgoblin and ask him what the parameters are of this ‘trial’ before you assume he’s all right with you shacking up with someone else.”

Jim thought about it. Decided it was likely reasonable to ask Spock. He couldn’t imagine Spock would care. So he nodded.

“All right, I will.”

****

 “Spock!”

Spock stiffened as he heard the boisterous Human yelling behind him just as he was attempting to join Nyota in the turbolift to head to the bridge.

“I will see you there,” he told her, then turned to wait for Kirk to arrive at his location.

The turbolift door shut on Nyota’s smirk.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Only a minute, Ensign.”

“Well, see, I’m not really here to talk to Commander Spock. I’m here to talk to the guy who claims to have a bond with me. Can you ask if he’s available?” Kirk asked.

Spock narrowed his eyes. “I am on duty. I request that you make this quick.”

“How long is the trial?”

Spock blinked at him. “I beg your pardon?”

“The trial period. How long before we declare it a failure?”

“Or a victory.”

“Right. Either one.”

“I had not thought to put a time limit on it.”

“Think about it then and get back to me. I really think there should be one.”

Spock bristled. “Either we decide we are workable or we decide we are not. Setting a time of six weeks—"

“Six weeks,” Kirk interrupted. “Sounds good to me.”

“I did not say—"

“One other thing and I’ll let you go. I made a date with another ensign. Should I cancel it?”

For a long time, Spock stared at Kirk. Once again he could not believe, even though he himself had the evidence, that he was bonded to Jim Kirk.

“Four weeks,” Spock said flatly.

“Excuse me?”

“I think four weeks will be long enough for our trial,” Spock replied. “And yes, I object to your going on dates with others during those four weeks.”

Kirk let out a long breath, then nodded. “All right, four weeks. See you later, Commander.”

And he was off, moving down the corridor and away from Spock. With a shake of his head, Spock pressed for the turbolift to go to the bridge.

Chapter Text

Jim had a bad day. No doubt about that.

To his surprise, Captain Pike had chosen him for a landing party. That wasn’t the bad part. He’d been excited to have his first real planetary mission. Simulations were one thing, the real experience was something else.

But then the mission went horribly wrong. Turned out that the planet had been inhabited by these hostile giant furry white creatures with horns and one of them had ripped apart the landing party member standing right beside Jim. The man’s brains had splattered all over him just before a security guard had fired on the creature.

Jim had thrown up later in the medbay after the medical staff had checked him over. He had no injuries.

He’d made his way to his quarters only to find out that they weren’t his anymore and the reality that he was allegedly bonded to Commander Spock hit him like a punch to the gut.

Pike had let him off duty the rest of the day. He’d recognized the trauma Jim had experienced, had even put his hand on Jim’s shoulder.

“It’s going to be okay, son.”

Easy for him to say. He wasn’t bonded to a Vulcan who hated him.

Jim stood before Spock’s quarters now, wondering how he was going to do this.

With a shake of his head, he raised his palm to the scanner and the door opened to grant him access.

Jim was relieved that the rooms were unoccupied at the moment. His belongings were all located in a small alcove off the bedroom. He didn’t fail to notice there was just one bed.

At the moment, Jim couldn’t think about that, so he turned toward the bathroom, stripping off his soiled uniform as he went. After throwing it down the laundry chute, he went into the bathroom and started the shower.

He maybe cried a little. He hadn’t really known the officer who’d lost his life down there, but it was still sad and terrible. Jim guessed that on the bright side, it couldn’t get much worse than that.

“Don’t ask for trouble, Jim. Whenever you think it can’t get worse, it does.”  

He tried to shut out the memory of Sam’s derisive voice in his head, but it had been planted firmly there.

Jim realized when he got out of the shower he had forgotten to bring a change of clothes, so he wrapped the towel around his waist and stepped out of the bathroom.

Only to be confronted with Spock standing nearby, openly staring at him.

“Oh. I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Only a moment ago.”

Jim nodded and walked past him, trying not to feel as naked and vulnerable as he was. He stopped near his things.

“Uh, I guess.” He stopped. He wasn’t even sure what he was going to say. Bit his lip. “My uniform—”

“Since you have been relieved of duty until tomorrow, I suggest perhaps clothing you are comfortable in would be an ideal choice.”

Jim figured that was likely what passed for kindness for Spock, so he nodded. “Yeah. Thanks.”

Except he had no idea where any of his stuff was as he hadn’t packed it himself and he really didn’t want to bend over in just a towel in front of Spock.

Spock tilted his head. “If you will excuse me.” And then he disappeared into the bathroom.

Jim let out a long breath. He picked up one of his bags and took it deeper into the alcove and opened it. His clothes had been rather haphazardly shoved into it but he was able to find loose fitting cotton pants and a T-shirt. He dressed quickly, mindful of the Vulcan’s reappearance at any moment.

But it was another ten minutes before he did and by then Jim was sitting on the couch drinking a cup of hot tea.

“Better?” Spock surprised him by asking.

Jim swallowed. “A little.” He smiled faintly. “My grandmother’s cure for everything was a hot cup of tea.”

For a moment Spock simply stared, but then he replied, “We share that then as my grandmother on my mother’s side also considered tea a cure for all ailments.”

Spock approached the sitting area and to Jim’s further surprise sat in a chair beside the couch where Jim sat.

“I have spoken with Captain Pike and he informed me of your mission experience today.”

“I figured he might have.”

“And I learned from the medbay that you yourself suffered no physical injuries.”

“No, I…it was, um, it was killed after attacking Lieutenant Myers.”

“Yes, an…unfortunate occurrence. Our research and surveillance of the planet lacked the necessary knowledge to anticipate the existence of the creature that attacked the landing party. A failing on my part.”

Jim frowned. “Your part?”

“As science officer. It will not be repeated.”

“Well, I don’t think you have any fault, Spock. Nobody seemed to know what to expect there.”

“But that is inexcusable. We should always know what to expect,” Spock replied. “Had you been injured or killed…”

He didn’t continue and Jim wasn’t sure if he should ask Spock to elaborate. He guessed had Spock wanted to, he would have.

“No one is infallible.” Jim took a sip of tea.

“Yet you yourself have stated plainly that you do not believe in no-win scenarios.”

“I don’t,” Jim acknowledged. “But some of that is bravado, as I’m sure you’ve guessed. I will fight to the bitter end to win, though.”

“This mission is a lesson for both of us, I believe.” Spock rose. “If you will excuse me, I am to meet Nyota for dinner.”

Jim raised both brows. “So, wait. Let me get this straight. You’re allowed to date during this trial, but I’m not?”

Spock frowned slightly. “I am not dating Nyota.”

“Wasn’t she someone you were seeing?”

“We are only friends.”

He sighed. “Okay, whatever.”

Spock paused, continuing to stare at Jim, expressionless.

Then there was just the barest hitch of breath, before he said, “I assumed given your recent experience you would rather be alone.”

“See, Spock, you definitely have a lot to learn about me.”

“Meaning?”

“I just had a traumatic experience, right?”

Spock nodded.

“Why would I want to be alone to be tortured by my own thoughts rather than be in the company of my…bondmate?”

This caused Spock to blink repeatedly.

“You wished to join us?”

Jim got up from the couch. “Sure, why not? I should get to know your friends better, shouldn’t I?”

Chapter Text

Jim wasn’t the only crew member in the mess room dressed casually and out of uniform, but he still felt underdressed as he and Spock approached the table for two where Uhura waited.

She looked clearly surprised to see Jim tagging along. Her expression gave that away almost comically, but there was also the plain fact the table didn’t include a chair for Jim.

“Kirk, I wasn’t aware you were joining us for dinner.” She shot a pointed look at Spock.

“I apologize for not informing you,” Spock replied. “The decision was made at the last minute.”

“I’ll change tables,” she offered.

“No, that’s fine.” Jim looked at the table next to them and grabbed a chair. “I’ll just squeeze in.”

“I will get your meal. What do you want?” Spock asked Jim.

“Whatever. I’m not picky. Or even hungry, really.”

“And yet you chose to come.”

Jim shrugged.

Uhura pushed back from her chair. “You know what? I’m going to go and you two should have dinner.”

“Don’t leave on my account.”

She shook her head. “I’m not. This is just…please. Take my seat.” She touched Spock’s arm on the way by. “I’ll catch you later.”

Spock watched her leave and then looked back at Jim. “I will be back in a moment.”

Jim got rid of the extra chair and then sat where Uhura had been sitting.

When Spock came back he brought some sort of squash dish for himself and a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup for Jim.

“You should eat, considering your history.”

Jim’s hand froze on the soup spoon he was about to pick up. “My history? What’s that mean?”

“I am merely aware of your time as a youth on—"

“Whoa, whoa,” Jim quickly interrupted. “That’s classified information.”

“As your bondmate, I was able to access your personal history.”

“Without my permission?” Jim pinched the bridge of his nose. “You know what? You want to know something about me, just fucking ask. Don’t go snooping behind my back.”

“Ensign Kirk—”

Jim sighed. “This isn’t going to work.”

“What?”

“You can’t even call me Jim. How are we supposed to be, well whatever we’re supposed to be.”

Spock’s mouth thinned. “I apologize. I was not anticipating this evening’s interaction and am somewhat at a loss.”

“Well, I’ve had the world’s shittiest day. I had a man’s brains splattered all over me ten seconds after we had been talking. And before you launch into a lecture about how I have to expect that kind of thing with a career in Starfleet, let me save you the trouble. I know. It’s still…”

Jim felt the stinging prick of tears and he was mortified. Not in a million years would he show such a weakness to Spock. Or out here in front of other crew members.

“I’m going back to my…your quarters.” Jim stood then, ignoring Spock’s protests about his uneaten dinner.

But instead of going back to Spock’s quarters, he went instead to see Bones.

“Jim? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“Everything.”

“Come on in. Sit down.”

Jim took a seat on the small couch Bones had in the middle of his quarters.

“You aren’t suffering injuries, right? I heard you were checked out in the medbay after that mission.”

“No, I wasn’t hurt. It was horrible though and I can’t stop thinking about it or seeing it in my head over and over.”

“I’m sorry, Jim. That’s a rough way to begin your time on a starship.”

“Yeah. I mean, I’ll get over it. I know I have to. I don’t think I can get over this Spock thing though.”

Bones handed him a glass of whiskey. “Uh-oh. That bad?”

“He’s just…you know he told me I couldn’t date, right?”

His friend snorted. “Yeah, that’s normally how it works.”

“Okay. But then he has a date with Uhura.”

“A date?”

“You know they were an item before he decided I was his whatever. I thought maybe he’d stay with me tonight or something given what happened, but no.”

“Cold bastard.”

“He tells me he has a date for dinner with her.”

“He admitted he was dating her?”

Jim waved that away. “No. She’s just a friend, he claims. So I decided to come along and she’s chosen a cozy little table for two.”

“Mm.”

“She ended up leaving because she hates my guts—"

Bones frowned. “Did she say she hated your guts?”

“No, of course not. But she does. I told you about that bar fight and I’m sure she thinks I stole her boyfriend. So then it’s just me and Commander Coldass.”

“That’s a perfect name for him.”

Jim nodded and swallowed the whiskey Bones had poured for him in one gulp.

“He tells me he snooped into my personal history.”

“What’s that mean?”

“He knows I was on Tarsus, Bones.”

Bones made a face. “Well, I’m not saying he should have snooped or anything, Jim. But that might not be such a bad thing.”

“Huh?”

“Him knowing that. With your nightmares and such. Maybe someone close to you should know so they can keep an eye on you.”

“He is not close to me, Bones. I don’t even want to do this. I’m telling Pike to forget it.” He moved to rise, but Bones stopped him.

“Jim, calm down for a second. Now I’m not saying Spock’s not a jerk or anything, but you did promise you’d give this thing with him a chance. I don’t think a few hours is really giving it a fair shot.”

“But Bones—”

“Far be it from me to defend Spock, but this is all quite new and recent for him, too. He may not have handled this all very well, but he asked for a chance and you said you would. You’re not a quitter, Jim. You don’t believe in no-win scenarios.”

Jim’s ire deflated and he sank back against the cushion of the couch. “You’re right. I’m being overly dramatic, aren’t I?”

Bones smiled. “A touch. I’m used to it though.”

“I still don’t like the snooping.”

“I know. But I bet you read him the riot act over that, so I doubt he’ll make that mistake again.”

“Maybe. Maybe not.” Jim stood. “Okay. I guess I’m going back to his quarters.”

Bones nodded and walked him to the door. “Let me know how it went tomorrow.”

“Right.”

Jim left Bones’ quarters and made his way to Spock’s. When he entered, Spock was already there, standing in the middle of the room.

“There you are.”

“Uh. Yeah.”

“I was under the impression you would be returning here.”

“I know. I made a stop along the way.”

“May I ask where?”

“I went to see Bones.”

“Doctor McCoy?”

“Yeah.” Jim moved into the quarters and noticed that Spock had brought his cheese sandwich and soup and placed it on the table by the desk.

“Do you have a personal relationship with the doctor?”

“Yeah. He’s a friend. Listen, Spock, I’m sorry about my behavior. I was—”

“Emotionally compromised.”

“To say the least. I’m still not thrilled you investigated my background but—"

“I merely wished to have all necessary information about my mate.”

“Not sure that was necessary, but like I said before, it’s probably better to ask your mate in the future if you’re curious.”

“Point taken.” Spock gestured to the food. “It would please me if you were able to eat. I will be meditating for the next hour.”

“All right. Uh, you know, which-which side?”

“Side?”

“Of the bed. There’s only one. Bed. I mean.” Jim blew out a breath. “What side do you prefer to sleep on?”

Spock tilted his head, but then finally replied, “The left.”

“Thanks.”

Jim did eat some of the food, but not all of it, and then while Spock continued meditating, he got ready for bed. He got into bed on the right side, his back to Spock’s position where he still meditated, and after a bit of time trying to turn his mind off, he drifted off.    

Chapter Text

Jim woke up suddenly, his throat raw from screaming, and with tears streaking down his face. His heart hammered in his chest. His ears were ringing. He felt panic crawl up his spine as a hand reached out and touched his back. He scrambled away, pushing his hands out and running into a bare muscular arm.

“Kirk, it is me. Jim!”

He froze in place, stopping his attempt to escape before it really got started. He sucked in a breath.

Right, he was in Spock’s bed.

“Sorry,” he said. “Sorry. Did I hurt you?”

“Computer, lights twenty-five percent,” Spock called out. “You did not harm me.”

Jim nodded, his gaze flicking everywhere in the room except at the Vulcan he shared the bed with. He felt flushed with embarrassment and completely vulnerable.

“I had a nightmare.”

“A violent one it would seem.”

Spock rose from the bed and padded across the room to the replicator on the wall. Jim noted he wore pajama bottoms only. Even now when he was a bit freaked out he couldn’t fail to notice Spock’s appealing physique.

Spock retrieved a glass of water from the replicator and took it to Jim.

Jim muttered, “Thanks.” He took a large sip.

“Do you have these nightmares often?”

“Uh. Kinda. Not every night. But when…events can trigger them, I guess.”

Spock seemed to mull this over. “Such as your experience on the away mission.”

Jim swallowed heavily and took another gulp of water. “Yeah that.” He put the glass down on the side table and got out of bed himself. He wore sleep shorts and a tank himself, but somehow felt more naked than the bare-chested Vulcan.

“Would you like to discuss their nature?” Spock asked.  

He moistened his lips with his tongue and went to sit on the sofa in the sitting area. He leaned forward to almost put his head between his knees. Back when he was younger when he freaked out over something his mother would have him do that.

“Not really.”

“I see.”

Jim closed his eyes, straightened, and leaned against the sofa. “It’s nothing at all against you, Spock. It’s just…there’s something very personal in nature about them and I…”

“Understood.” Spock sat down on the sofa beside him, which somewhat surprised Jim. He had expected the Vulcan to want to keep his distance. “You do not feel you know me well enough to discuss such personal matters.”

He almost argued with that, because the truth was he wasn’t sure he wanted to discuss those nightmares with anyone, no matter how well he knew them, but it was easier to agree with Spock than to get into that.

“Yeah, maybe, that’s it,” Jim replied. “I mean neither of us really knows the other one much.”

“That is true. I only sought the information to consider a way that I may offer comfort to you after such unsettling dreams.” He paused. “Do you wish to return to bed?”

He shook his head. “I don’t think I could go back to sleep.”

“I can make us both a cup of herbal tea.”

“You don’t have to stay up with me.”

“Vulcans require less rest than Humans and I have received sufficient rest for the present. Tea?”

“Yes, thank you.”

Spock rose and went back to the replicators, returning only moments later with two steaming cups of a spiced herbal tea.

“Is this some kind of Vulcan tea?” he asked.

“Negative. Unfortunately, the replicators were not set up for Vulcan dishes and beverages. The tea you are drinking is a cinnamon and cloves blend.”

Jim frowned. “That stinks. They should have some Vulcan stuff onboard.”

“In general Starfleet seems to give little thought to the preferences of Vulcans. I am used to it.”  

“You shouldn’t have to be used to it. That’s kind of bullshit.”

Spock inclined his head. “I do appreciate your championing the cause.”

Jim smiled slightly and sipped the tea. “It’s good though.”

“Perhaps, if you do not wish to discuss the nature of all your nightmares, you could speak of what you had tonight.”

Jim stared into the cup and nodded. “Yeah, okay. Pretty much it was related to what happened to Myers on the mission. Only in the dream it wasn’t Myers it happened to.”

“You?” Spock guessed. “Or perhaps Doctor McCoy?”

“No. It was weird actually. It was…Sam.”

“Sam?”

“George Samuel. My brother. I haven’t seen him in forever, you know, yet there he was on the away mission in place of Myers.”

“Sometimes the places where our subconscious minds go is difficult to fathom,” Spock said. “I am…sorry that yours took you to a particularly troublesome scenario. The trauma of what you actually experienced was enough.”

“Yeah. I mean I get it. Those kinds of things are going to happen.” Jim blew out a long breath. “It was just a really bad day.”

Spock was silent for a moment, drinking his tea. He surprised Jim further though when he said, “I would like to know if there is some way I can offer you emotional support in times like this.”

Jim heard the question in his words and yeah, he was surprised. It was a big step for Spock, Jim figured. He still didn’t like Jim much or Jim didn’t think so. But if Spock could try a little maybe he could too.

“Well, there is something,” Jim admitted. He stood up then to dispose of the now empty cup down the dishwashing chute. He felt nervous and embarrassed again, and figured he was about to face rejection. But Spock had asked. “Sometimes I just need…growing up I hardly ever got this and I always wanted it, I guess, and I suppose it sounds childish but…”

Spock had stood up too and now faced him. “What, Jim?”

“A hug.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Sometimes what I’d really like is a hug.”

And the minute the words were out of his mouth he felt like an idiot. Asking Spock, a Vulcan, to give him a hug? To put his arms around Jim and hold him close? Considering their history? And the fact Spock had to give up his relationship when he found out Jim was his T’hy’la?

He glanced away because he wasn’t sure he was strong enough in that moment to face Spock’s rejection, but as the silence stretched between them, he chanced a glance at Spock.

Spock had his arms spread open in invitation.

Eyes wide and heart pounding, Jim moved toward the Vulcan before he had a chance to change his mind. As he stepped within the area of those open arms they closed around him, pulling him up against Spock’s chest and holding him there.

Jim’s own arms trembled as they came up and around Spock.

He wasn’t even sure how long they stood there like that in the embrace but for the first time in the many long hours of that day he felt like he wasn’t going to fall apart, that he could handle this, handle them.

Spock slowly parted them but Jim was all right with it. “Better?”

Jim smiled. “Yeah, much. I think I can maybe try to sleep again.”

“You should try. There are still a few hours before you must rise for your shift. If you have no objection, however, I will meditate and then prepare for the day. I am due on the bridge two hours before your time is to begin.”

He nodded. “No objection.” He made his way to the bed. “And…thanks.”

“You are welcome, Jim.”

Chapter Text

Spock was meeting Nyota for lunch in the mess room and she was slightly behind schedule. Normally he would wait at a table until she arrived before going to make his selection. But when she was about five minutes past the time, Spock rose and went to the replicators.

As he brought up Vegetarian dishes to make his selection he paused as he was scrolling when he spotted Balkra on the list. Balkra was a Vulcan squash casserole. Without hesitation, Spock made the selection.

He stood back to wait for it and was quite surprised when it eventually came out of the slot looking like a reasonable representation of the dish.

Now curious, he went to the tea choices and noted right away there was a selection for Vulcan Spiced Tea. He chose that, waited for its appearance, and then took the Balkra and tea to a table to wait for Nyota. She arrived only a moment later, went straight to the replicator when she spotted him at a table, and then joined him carrying a salad and sandwich.

“What’s that?” she asked, after she seated herself.

“Balkra.” Spock forked a bite. “It even tastes similar to what I recall.”

“Vulcan food? On the Enterprise? How did that happen?”

“I suspect I have Kirk to thank for it.”

She arched her brow in surprise. “Why would you think that?”

“We discussed the lack of Vulcan choices last night. And now…here they are. He clearly has some knowledge of programming and engineering. It is my understanding his mother was a biophysicist when she was on active duty. It stands to reason he would have the knowledge.”

“And we know he messes with things he has no business messing with.”

Spock shrugged slightly. “Perhaps. But in this case I cannot say I am particularly unhappy about it.”

“Okay, sure. It was a nice gesture. But he still should have gotten permission before programming the replicators,” she pointed out.

“You’re absolutely right, Lieutenant.” Jim had appeared at their table, smiling widely. He held a tray in his hand with what looked like a glass of iced tea and a plate of pasta with cream sauce on it. “Which is why I did.” He pulled up a chair to join them.

“You did?” Spock asked, unable to hide his surprise.

“Of course. I spoke to Captain Pike and he authorized it. He agreed that those options should be available. I’ll work on getting others up there in my spare time, but I had to start somewhere.”

“Hmm. I’m impressed then, Kirk. That was a very nice thing you did for Spock.”

He smiled. “I’m a nice guy.” Then he scooted back his chair. “I’m not here to interrupt your lunch. I’ll go get another table. I just wanted to explain the Vulcan options.”

“Are you meeting someone else?”

“No.”

Spock nodded. “Then there’s no reason you cannot join us.”

“Okay, if you’re sure.” Jim glanced at Nyota.

“Don’t mind me,” she said. “I’m perfectly fine with Spock’s husband joining.”

Jim’s eyes widened. “Husband?”

She laughed. “Well, what do you think it means when Spock says you are his mate? I’m sure he mentioned that it’s a Federation recognized marriage. It’s kinda the same thing, Kirk.”

“Uh.” He stabbed at his pasta. “We haven’t had a formal ceremony or anything.”

“True. But Vulcans view their bonds differently than what we as Humans do. And I’m sure as time allows you’ll eventually have a formal ceremony.”

Spock could see the conversation was making Jim uncomfortable. And he understood why considering the two of them had decided privately that their relationship was undergoing a four-week trial. There had been no reason to disclose that to Nyota. He could only imagine she’d get no little amusement out of it and he really didn’t want to cause any more issues between her and Jim. Jim already viewed her as a rival given Spock’s former relationship with her.

“There will be plenty of time to discuss the particulars later,” Spock spoke up.

“Oh sure, of course.” She smiled. “I’m going to make myself scarce now as I promised to stop by the medbay to see Christine. She’s got something for me. See you back on the bridge, Spock. Bye, Kirk.”

Jim gave her a little wave and then chewed his pasta thoughtfully. “Don’t think she likes me much.”

“I am certain she hasn’t formed a negative opinion of you.”

At this Jim laughed. “Right. I’m living with the guy who was recently her boyfriend.”

“All of that is behind each of us. To dwell on the past is illogical.”

Jim sighed. “Yeah, I know. Whatever. I’m still sorry that I butted in.”

“You did not.”

“I kinda did.” Jim smiled slightly. “And I was going to get my own table but I overheard her dissing me and I couldn’t help myself.”

“You are always welcome to join me.”

Jim snorted at this. “You didn’t feel that way just a few days ago. When I asked to join the two of you, you didn’t react very well. And I get it. Things are…pretty awkward.”

“Perhaps they are,” Spock acknowledged. “I am hoping they won’t always be. And the way to move forward from whatever animosity might have existed between us, is to not keep repeating the same actions as before. I do not wish our four-week trial to consist of bickering and unpleasant feelings." He paused. "Do you?"

“No, of course not.”

“Then, as I believe Humans would say, we need to cut each other some slack.”

Jim laughed again. A nice laugh. “Yeah okay. I can try to do that.”

Spock nodded. “Excellent. I am due on the bridge, so I will see you again after our shifts.”

“Okay.”

And just as Spock exited the mess the red alert sounded.

Chapter Text

Jim knew having a water shower was probably a terrible waste of resources.

He could almost hear the nasty tone of his Vulcan roommate when he said, “Humans are wasteful creatures. You should not use water in such an irresponsible fashion.”

Okay, Vulcan husband. He could concede that he guessed. But were they really husbands if they hadn’t slept together yet? Jim had no idea and really it wasn’t as though he wanted to sleep with Spock or anything. They barely even tolerated each other. And that four-week trial thing stayed in his mind.

Anyway, when he got back to the quarters that had been previously Spock’s alone, he went straight for the water shower. The day hadn’t been as bad as the day he’d had a shower of brains, but it had been bad enough.

The ship had been attacked by an unknown flying obelisk that had fired on them without provocation. In the end, the Enterprise had been able to destroy it, but not before decks seven through ten were badly damaged.

According to the briefing Jim received, the ship was limping back to the nearest space station for repairs.

They still didn’t know the origins of the flying obelisk or the reason for the attack. Spock had been in some lengthy meeting with Pike and Number One, as well as other bridge officers. And Bones was busy tending to the injured in the medbay.

Jim had heard that fifty people didn’t make it.

On further reflection, Jim decided that yes, this day was worse than when he had the brains splattered on him. 

He found he spent a lot of time thinking and dealing with grief in the shower. It was one of the few places he could get privacy he guessed. That was the case even when he was a kid.

His shower finally finished, Jim dressed in his pajamas, this time in the bathroom, and then went into the main living quarters. There was still no sign of Spock and Jim didn’t know when the Vulcan would return.

He got himself tea and a big dish of strawberry ice cream and took both to sit on the couch. He searched his PADD for any personal messages and replied briefly to one from his mother asking if he’d gotten settled in. He thought about telling her about his bond with Spock, but thought it was likely premature given their apparent incompatibility.

Jim had finished both the ice cream and the tea and was engrossed reading a true-crime book from the twenty-first century when the door made a slight noise before sliding open to reveal Spock.

For a moment it almost looked like Spock appeared startled to see him there.

Jim attempted a smile. “Forgot I liv…stay here now?” He’d been about to say ‘lived’ but that seemed wrong if it was temporary.

“Of course not,” Spock replied. “You are…unharmed?”

“Not a scratch on me. You?”

“None as well.” Spock seemed to hesitate but then he stepped over to the replicator and selected tea. “The tactical officer on the bridge was gravely injured and is off duty for an undetermined amount of time.”

“That’s too bad. I hope he’s able to recover.”

“As it happens, Captain Pike would like you to fill the position on the bridge beginning the next alpha shift. You will find this information on your PADD.”

“Yeah?” Jim felt a thrill of excitement he attempted to tamp down. “I’m sorry for the officer, but I do welcome the opportunity.”

“Of course.” Spock came to the sitting area and sat in a chair across from the couch. “I owe you an apology.”

“You do?”

“I was neglectful at breakfast when I realized that you had programmed the ship’s replicators to include Vulcan recipes. That was thoughtful of you and I should have specifically thanked you.”

Jim shrugged, uncomfortable with the gratitude. “It’s fine, Spock. I don’t need thanks.”

“Perhaps not, but you are due them, nonetheless. I was distracted by today’s events but I intend to speak with Nyota as well.”

Jim frowned. “About what?”

“As you said, ‘dissing’ you. She should not have jumped to the conclusion she did about your programming the replicators.”

“She can’t help where her thoughts go.”

“She should not have voiced them then. Whatever my past relationship with her was, we can only be friends now, and I require her to treat my mate with respect.”

He shook his head. “Really, Spock, it’s okay, and don’t bother. I can fight my own battles.”

“I would rather there be no battles.”

Jim smiled. “I know and maybe we’ll get there someday. You and I need to get through that trial first.”

Spock stared at him for a moment. “You do not believe it will be a successful one.”

He didn’t make it a question, but rather a statement, and Jim couldn’t even deny it.

“Isn’t that what you think, too? We’re very different. I don’t see us getting past those differences. Not easily anyway.”

Spock inclined his head. “There is another apology I seek to make.”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

“I apologize for bringing up your deceased father when you were accused of cheating on the Kobayashi Maru.”

“When you accused me.”

“Is that not what I said?”

Jim shook his head. “You said when I was accused, but in fact it was when you accused me. And I accept your apology. I’m kind of used to it.”

“Used to what?”

He shrugged. “Others finding ways to try to hurt me. Been happening all my life. The truth is I found a different way of beating your test than you expected. I got a commendation for it. That had to rankle since you hated me.”

“I did not and do not hate you, Jim. I cannot deny that you…what is it Humans say? You do push my buttons.”

Jim smiled. “I think that’s one of the most honest things you’ve ever said to me.” But then he sighed. “I’m sorry. I know this has been a stressful, terrible day. I’m not trying currently to push your buttons.”

“And yet,” Spock said with a twitch to his lips, “you are.”

“Hmm. Maybe that’s something that might be good for you.”

“Indeed?”

Jim grinned. “You look skeptical.” He impulsively rose from the couch and took the two steps over to the chair Spock occupied. “Scoot over.”

“I do not think both of us will fit.”

“We will,” Jim insisted. “Scoot over.”

And Jim was just a little surprised when Spock did. Admittedly that didn’t leave a lot of room for Jim, but it was enough.

He squeezed into the seat with Spock, his legs overlapping the Vulcan’s, their butts squished against each other.

Jim laughed. “Am I making you uncomfortable?”

“You know that you are.”

Jim nodded then and grabbed Spock’s chin with his fingers. “Then try this on for size.”

And he kissed Spock.

Chapter Text

It would be so easy to just use sex to get what he wanted. To manipulate the Vulcan block of ice he was currently cuddled up almost in the lap of.

Sex was easy.

Spock was not easy.

And it was true that Spock’s lips had softened a little to kiss him back. There was…almost desire there. A reserved sort of desire, sure, but Jim could feel the beginnings of true passion.

Jim didn’t want to be what Spock figured he would be though. He was pretty sure since Jim stepped on this ship he had acted just the way Spock had expected. He’d been tried, judged, and sentenced.

Maybe that was unfair. He thought it probably was.

He gentled the kiss enough to slowly pull back from it, to take his lips from Spock’s, and perhaps to gain some satisfaction that for a moment Spock’s lips chased after his.

“Time for bed.” Jim arched a brow. “To sleep. You on your side. Me on mine.”

“You do not wish to have sexual intimacy?”

It was a hard question to answer, of course. Because sure, of course. Spock was a hottie.

“Not at this time. I think, for now, we ought to keep taking this slow.”

Spock tilted his head, looking vaguely confused, but after a few seconds, he nodded and turned away to prepare for bed.

Which meant he disappeared into the bathroom. 

Jim had already dressed in his pajamas so after a few minutes when Spock still hadn’t come out, he got into bed. It had really been an exhausting day, so he was asleep a short time later.

****

In the morning, Jim had asked Spock to have breakfast with him in the mess room but Spock had something he needed to check on in one of the laboratories, so he’d told Jim if he could finish in time he would join him.

It hadn’t taken him nearly as long as he’d thought, so about twenty minutes later, Spock entered the mess.

Jim’s back was to him and he was seated at a table with his friend, Doctor McCoy. Spock secured himself a vegetarian banana pancake and headed for their table. He was in time to hear some of their conversation.

“How’s that going with the hobgoblin anyway?”

Jim sighed. “Not great. I’m pretty sure nothing’s going to change in the three weeks plus we still have of our trial.”

McCoy made a snorting sound. “It’s been a real trial, right?”

“You said it. I don’t think he knows much about Humans despite being half himself. I feel sorry for his mother. He must have been a pain to have as a kid.”

“Hmm. Wasn’t he dating Uhura?”

“I guess so. She seems to act like they were. But I don’t know, I tried kissing him last night just to see if there was something I could work with.”

“And?”

“Kind of like kissing a cold rock.”

Spock had certainly heard enough. His face felt hot like he was blushing which surely not as Vulcans did not blush nor feel humiliated, yet his heart was pounding hard in his side as he flung his tray down on an unoccupied table and departed the mess room.

He’d almost made it to the turbolift when he heard footsteps running behind him. And then as he closed the door, he heard Jim shouting, “Wait! Spock!”

Spock went right to his station on the bridge, dimly aware of a curious look from Captain Pike. He leaned over the screen.

The bridge turbolift door opened again and Spock knew without looking that Jim had arrived. He only hoped Jim would go to his own station and leave Spock alone.

But seconds later, he felt Jim’s presence.

“Spock, I know you heard.”

At least Jim had kept his voice low.

Spock nodded.

“I’m sorry. That was…it was just two stupid guys talking.”

Spock glanced at him and then straightened. “I am…aware that my interactions with Humans lack understanding and finesse. But I do not know that your sorrow for my mother is warranted.”

Jim winced. “Yeah. That was a jerk thing to say. I didn’t mean that.”

“I am unused to Human kissing.”

“I know…wait, you are? But—”

Spock shook his head. “This is not the place.”

“I know. It’s just, I had to tell you I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I had said.”

Pike cleared his throat. “Gentlemen, is there a problem?”

Jim turned to look at their captain. “No, sir.”

“Then please do us all a favor and keep your personal interactions off the bridge. Ensign Kirk, as this is your first day here, perhaps you’d like to go to your assigned station.”

“Yes, Captain. Sorry, sir.” Jim gave a furtive glance to Spock and then walked away.

Spock returned to studying his station.

****

Jim felt pretty crappy about what he’d said to Bones. He hadn’t really meant most of it. Okay, maybe some. Spock really didn’t know how to deal with Humans, it seemed. At least him.

But having Spock overhear him talk shit was no better than Jim hearing Uhura do the same.

He really wanted to talk to Spock more, but he was on duty and there was just no way to do it. He’d already embarrassed both of them in front of Pike as it was.

His shift ended up being uneventful as they were making their way to a planet to explore a new civilization.

They were forming the landing party and Spock was going to be on it.

And so when Pike turned to him and said, “How’d you like to be part, Jim?”

He couldn’t and didn’t want to say no.

“Yes, Captain. I’d like that.”

Chapter Text

The entire mission was a disaster from the initial beam down.

They had been led to believe the civilization on the planet was peaceful and welcoming, but they had been anything but. That would need to be examined as to why they had such incorrect information. Eventually.

Captain Pike had barely taken a step in the direction of the village before they were fired upon by a group of Klingons they hadn’t known would be waiting for them.

A security guard, Phillips, had immediately placed himself in front of the captain, as Spock had been about to do himself, when a Klingon disruptor basically took off Phillips’ head.

Spock could not afford to focus on the fact it would have been his or Pike’s head had not the security guard stepped forward to do his job.

“Pike to Enterprise. Beam up landing party right now!”

Only even as he called for it, the party had been necessarily scattered to avoid disruptor fire and only Captain Pike, Ensign Collins, and Security Guard Littleton had been beamed back immediately.

That left Spock and Jim abandoned on the planet under fire by themselves. And Jim was fresh out of the Academy with little experience other than the one mission where Jim had been splattered by the guard’s—

Yes. Their situation was precarious.

“Jim,” Spock shouted. “I am going to make my way over to your location and then contact the Enterprise.”

Jim was presently behind a boulder while Spock was behind a rather narrow tree.

“Stay where you are, Spock,” Jim ordered, and that was the only way Spock could describe his tone. Matter-of-fact and commanding. “I’m coming to you.”

“Jim—”

“No time to argue, Commander.”

And just like that Jim was moving away from his safe place behind the boulder and running toward where Spock was crouched.

Spock found himself getting ready for lecture mode when the spot where Jim had vacated exploded with a direct hit from a disruptor. He barely had time to hide his shock when Jim was there next to him.

“You—”

Jim looked past Spock at that moment, raised his phaser, and fired at a Klingon who had just approached behind Spock.

Jim smiled grimly. “You were about to be cleaved in two.”

Spock blinked and flipped open his communicator. “Spock to Enterprise. Two to beam up immediately.”

Seconds later they were back on the transporter platform.

“You two all right?” Pike demanded from where he stood by the controls.

“Yes, Captain.”

Pike nodded and went to the intercom on the wall. “Mister Sulu, get us out of here, warp 3.”

****

Spock found Jim on the observation deck hours later when Spock finally had time to locate him. He’d been called into necessary conferences prior to that and had lost track of where his mate had gone.

There had been no sign Jim had been to their quarters and so Spock had used the computer to find him. He didn’t want to be intrusive and try locating the young man through their bond. He didn’t think Jim would appreciate it.

Jim glanced at him when he came to stand next to where Jim stood looking out at the stars.

“I did not have a chance to thank you for your actions on the planet.”

Jim shrugged. “Well. I didn’t want someone else’s brains on me.”

Spock pursed his lips.

“I didn’t want yours,” Jim said softly, looking away.

“Had I gone to your location behind the boulder we would have been…” He trailed off, not sure what to say.

“Not having this conversation that’s for sure.” Jim turned to face him again. “I assessed the situation and the locations of the Klingons and made an educated guess.”

“You will make an exceptional captain one day.”

He smiled. “I’d like to think so.”

Then Spock did something he hadn’t really intended to but his gaze couldn’t really stop from going to Jim’s lips and he knew then that he wanted very much to try again.

So he was suddenly kissing Jim, pulling the man into his arms, and moving his mouth against Jim’s. Jim put his arms around Spock’s neck, scooting closer.

Jim broke the kiss to say, “That’s better. Now you’re kissing me like you mean it.”

Spock feared he might be blushing as his skin felt very warm. “As I tried to indicate earlier, my experience is rather limited.”

“What about Uhura?”

“We did not do a lot of Human kissing. Mostly brief kisses on the lips, more in greeting than anything else.” Spock shook his head. “We were not…as developed in our relationship as you might believe.”

“Wait.” Jim frowned and studied his face. “Are you saying you guys weren’t intimate?”

“Nyota wanted to be, but I…my sexual attraction…”

“Was?” Jim prompted.

Spock sighed, though he tried not to for sighing was illogical. “Related to males. Therefore, I was not entirely surprised when upon our physical contact I realized our…connection.”

“So you’re…gay.”

Spock raised a brow.

Jim laughed a little. “I mean, yeah, I figured you were bisexual considering you were with her and seemed at least a little bit interested in me.”

“That makes sense. Though I have affection for Nyota, it is not of that nature. We were only just discovering our differences regarding the state of our relationship when you arrived on the Enterprise. You are bisexual yourself?”

“Well. If I have to label it I guess I’m more pan. Anyway, Spock, I wish, I mean it would have maybe helped a little if we actually talked about some of this before.”

“Vulcans are not very communicative.”

Jim made a snorting sound. “No kidding.”

Spock swallowed. “Under the circumstances, I have asked that your belongings be moved back to your own personal quarters.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I realize my initial behavior was troublesome. You did not react well to my attempts at control.”

“Who would?”

“Well.” Spock shrugged slightly. “Given that I forced you into making changes to your life you were not prepared for I thought it best that you are given back your own quarters.”

Jim stepped away and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He did not look pleased at what Spock said, but rather annoyed.

“First of all, I wasn’t forced. I was given a choice whether to try with you. And second of all, you just decided all this without actually consulting with me?”

“I thought that you would find this an amicable solution.”

“Really? If we’re supposed to get to know each other how is getting rid of me supposed to make that happen?”

“I am not getting rid of you. I am trying to set things right.”

“Yeah? Well, you really suck at this, Spock.” And Jim brushed past Spock to leave.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to stop them from moving my stuff out of our quarters.”

And then Jim was gone.

Spock turned to stare out at the stars.

He really did not understand Humans.

Chapter Text

When Spock was off duty and had looked up the roster to see that Jim was scheduled on, he went to his…their…quarters and contacted Vulcan.

He felt some illogical relief when it was his mother who answered.

“Spock! What a welcome surprise. I didn’t expect to hear from you this soon.” Her warm smile slipped. “Is everything all right? Has something happened to the Enterprise?”

“No, the Enterprise is sound and on its expected course. This is…personal. I need advice.”

“Ah.” She nodded. “Let me get your father.”

“Wait,” Spock rushed to say before she could slip out of her seat in front of the terminal. “The advice I seek is not advice Father could supply.”

“Oh.” She settled back fully in her chair, smoothed out her scarf and leaned back. “What sort of advice then?”

“Relat—Human advice,” he corrected.

“I’m listening.”

“I am...” He stopped and took a deep breath. “I have discovered through accidental means that I am bonded.”

“Accidental.”

“Direct skin contact. I was…surprised. Because of my own inability to process this surprise information I blurted out the nature of our connection.” Spock pursed his lips.

“And he is Human,” Mother said.

It did not surprise Spock in the least that his mother had come to the conclusion Spock’s mate was male. She had always been quite astute.

“Yes. He did not react well.” Spock hastened to add, “I did not either.”

“Was he a stranger?”

“Not exactly. My experience with his character prior to his arrival onboard the Enterprise was, however, not positive. He cheated on the Kobayashi Maru command test that I personally programmed. Our interaction because of it was adversarial.”

Mother nodded. “Go on.”

“When I touched Jim—”

“That’s his name?”

“Yes. Jim Kirk.”

“George Kirk’s son?”

“Affirmative. Mother, may I continue?”

She smiled. “Yes, do go on.”

“I realized that we had the beginnings of a T’hy’la bond. I am sure you understand the significance.”

“I do,” Mother agreed. “And you are certain?”

“I do not believe there could be a mistake. It has not been fully established. Under the current circumstances I am not sure it ever will be.”

“Explain.”

“I went to Captain Pike and explained that I was bonded to Jim. The captain contacted Jim so that he could advise what I had told him and also to tell him that with Jim being Human and not Vulcan his participation in the bond was strictly voluntary.”

“I see. So you told Pike all this first before discussing with Jim?”

“After my initial outburst, yes.” Spock inwardly winced. “I did explain that we were basically married and that he should be staying in my quarters.”

“Spock.”

“My speaking with the captain was to backtrack on that and offer Jim the choice. He…bristled.”

Mother’s lips twitched. “Humans are such illogical creatures.”

“Indeed.”

“We generally prefer to choose our own mates. We’re funny that way.”

“Mother—”

She held up her hand. “Believe it or not, I am trying to help you, not hinder you. I’m sure Jim was quite surprised by your declaration. I would imagine most Humans find Vulcan bonds rather perplexing and definitely wouldn’t know about spontaneous ones like Telsu. Imagine yourself in the reverse for a moment, sweetheart. You come on to a strange starship for the first time and a Human walks up, greets you, and declares you are his husband. You have to admit you’d be at the very least…startled.”

“Yes,” Spock conceded.

“Did he not agree to try after speaking with your captain?”

“He did. But we agreed to a trial period. It has not gone well. We do not seem to be compatible. And he does not like my friendship with Nyota.”

“Who is that?”

“A female Human I met in the Academy. It was initially romantic in nature, though always platonic, but I ended the romantic aspects when I discovered my preliminary bond with Jim. She has a negative attitude toward him and is unkind when he is around. I did not put a stop to that when I should have.” Spock shook his head. “I am not…I find I am at a loss how to deal with the situation. I thought returning him to his own quarters rather than sharing with me would be welcome but—”

“Wait. You kicked him out?”

“No. It was not like that. But I thought considering we were not getting along and he seemed to openly dislike the situation it would be for the best.”

She sighed. “The first time I met your father he made me cry.”

Spock frowned and stared at her. “How?”

“We’d barely been introduced when someone knocked into me when I was holding a glass of red wine. It spilled all over me. I was wearing a brand-new dress and it was ruined. I was very upset. Your father thought I was being ridiculous and said so. I ran away from him crying, vowing to never see him again.” She laughed. “Obviously I did.”

“Mother, while I appreciate the anecdote, I fail to see how this relates to my situation.”

“You and Jim have not started out well but that does not mean your relationship will not change and improve. What do you think and feel about Jim?”

“Other than cheating on the test, he has proven to be a satisfactory and capable Starfleet officer.”

She arched a brow in a way that would have been the envy of many Vulcans. “How nice. But I didn’t ask you for your assessment of his career. I asked you what you think and feel about him. Do you like him?”

“I…” Spock closed his mouth. “I do not dislike him.”

“Hardly the same. Does he like you?”

“Were I to hazard a guess I would say…unlikely.”

“Perhaps because you have given him no reason to,” she said gently. “How much do you even know about him except for who his father is, what his grades at the Academy were, that he cheated on your test, and is a good officer? What was his family like? His hometown? What are his dreams and aspirations?”

“I do not know.”

“Because you haven’t tried, have you? Spock, Humans like their mates to show an interest in them. To be wooed. Or most of us anyway. Instead of telling Jim what he is to you, try showing him what you want him to be for you. Or better yet, what you want to be for him.”

Spock was quiet for a while, but then he nodded. “What you have said has merit.”

She smiled. “That’s a lovely compliment coming from you, Spock. Now, I must get ready to dine with your father. He’s making me dinner.”

“Sarek?”

Mother laughed. “The courting doesn’t have to stop with marriage, Spock. And yes, your father is making me dinner. Good luck with Jim, my son. I think you’ll need it.”

Chapter Text

His quarters smelled like chicken.

Cooked chicken. Live pooping chickens was something else and he really didn’t want to smell that.

Still, cooked chicken was unexpected. And there was another scent mingling with it.

Lemons.

Jim frowned and leaned against the now closed door of his quarters. Their quarters. All his stuff was back in Spock’s quarters and that was where he now stood.

Across from where he stood a very harried looking Vulcan stood next to a table and chairs. Spock still wore his unform but the blue shirt was oddly askew and his neat bowl cut…well, it was not neat at all.

“Spock?”

“You are several minutes sooner than I anticipated.”

Jim licked his lips and nodded. “I see. What’s this?”

“I made you dinner.”

“From the replicator?”

“Negative. Not directly. I did replicate many of the ingredients, as we do not have actual chickens on the Enterprise, but I created the meal myself using cooking apparatus.”

Spock was speaking very rapidly, almost manic, and it would have been downright funny if he didn’t look vaguely wrecked.

He moved away from the door and approached the table to look down at the plate Spock sat in front of a chair Jim figured was for him.

It was a mess. It appeared to be a chicken breast, lightly breaded, with a yellowy sauce and capers. But it was clear Spock had trouble getting it together. It looked…mangled.

“Chicken Piccata?”  Jim asked, keeping his tone as neutral as he could manage.

“Yes.”

“How’d you know it’s one of my favorite dishes?”

“I made inquiries.”

Jim smiled. “Well. Uh. Thank you. That’s…nice.”

And it was. As far as Jim knew, the replicator generally didn’t make that particular dish and truth be told he hadn’t had it in some time. It seemed clear that someone had given Spock advice.

“Will you sit down and try it?” Spock asked. He tried to look that the outcome was no big deal. Jim could tell that. But it was a very big deal. Jim could tell that too.

“Sure. Can I get rid of these boots first? They are killing my feet.”

“Of course. In fact, I will remove them for you. Sit on the bed.”

Jim did so, surprised Spock intended to put himself out to do such a menial task. But Spock knelt before him and carefully removed Jim’s uniform boots. He set them aside and reached to remove Jim’s socks.

Jim laughed and moved his legs away. “Nah, that’s okay. I’ll take care of that. You definitely don’t want to take my sweaty socks off.”

When they were removed, Jim got up and discarded them in the laundry chute. He turned to the table.

“What are you eating? I don’t see a plate for you and I know you aren’t eating chicken.”

“I am not. But at the moment I am not hungry.”

“Too anxious?” Jim teased.

“Certainly not.”

But it wasn’t terribly convincing.

Jim sat at the table and tried not to wince at the food’s appearance. Spock was making an effort and so would he.

Spock took the seat across from him and watched as Jim cut off a bite and put it in his mouth. He began to wring his hands, realized he was doing so, and set them flat on the table.

“Well?”

Jim chewed and swallowed. “Vulcans value honesty, don’t they?”

Spock hesitated, but then agreed. “Yes. Vulcans do not lie.”

“Okay.” Jim smiled and cut off another bite. He put it in his mouth, chewed and swallowed. “To be completely honest, Spock, this isn’t a looker.”

“I…”

“That being said, it might not look good, but it tastes pretty decent.”

Spock exhaled. “It does?”

“It does, so you can unclench now. You did a good job making this even if it looks…strange.”

“Thank you.”

Jim laughed. “No, thank you. I haven’t had Chicken Piccata in years. And it’s good. Who told you?”

He guessed probably Bones, though he wasn’t entirely sure Bones knew of his fondness for the dish, and also he wasn’t entirely certain Bones would willingly assist Spock due to no little acrimony there. But he couldn’t think of who else Spock would ask.

“I managed to make contact with your mother.”

Jim put his fork down. “Mom?”

Spock nodded. “Yes. I do apologize if I overstepped. I desired to make it a surprise. I was reluctant to engage Doctor McCoy in a conversation regarding your preferences and I discovered your mother recently retired after she was an active member of Starfleet for a number of years and stationed on Space Station 6.”

“You told her about us?”

“Not to the extent you likely surmise,” Spock replied. “I mentioned that I was attempting to court you and—”

“Court me?” Jim repeated. He shook his head with a smile. “That’s kind of old-fashioned.”

“Perhaps. But after a recent conversation with my mother, I realized that such an attempt would be appropriate under the circumstances.”

“You talked to your mom about me?”

“Yes.”

“So you obtained advice from both of our moms.”

Spock frowned slightly. “I believe that is accurate. Was that not acceptable?”

“It’s very acceptable, Spock. And unexpectedly sweet.” He waved his fork around to gesture to the Piccata. “And surprisingly tasty.”

“I researched recipes.”

“Yeah? Cool. Are you okay to eat now or are you still nervous?”

Spock straightened. “I was not…nervous.”

“Hmm. Don’t Vulcans value honesty?”

“I was perhaps very slightly anxious to please you.”

“Well you did. So eat.”

“Very well.” Spock rose from his seat and went to the replicator. He returned a moment later with a plate of steamed vegetables and grain. Jim tried not to wrinkle his nose.

“I’m surprised you made chicken for me.”

“Since it is replicated chicken and no actual chicken was harmed, I considered it acceptable.”

“It’s biologically the same though.”

“Indeed. But it was never a chicken walking around.”

Jim laughed. “Okay. Yeah. And I appreciate you making it. I know it probably was strange and uncomfortable for you.”

Spock did not respond at first, but then his gaze rose and held Jim’s. “Creating something to please you and impress you does not make me uncomfortable.”

“No? Well good.”

“The troubled beginnings of our association does.”

“You can call it a relationship, Spock. We’re not in business together.”

“I—”

“It’s okay. I’m teasing you. Trying to lighten it up a bit. I agree. I don’t like the way it all started either. I don’t expect to be told I belong to someone, you know?”

“I apologize. It was…is…unfamiliar territory for me as well.”

“Apology accepted. And I apologize too for saying some not so nice things about you and your mom. I think we can both do better.”

Spock nodded.

“So…how about, we start as friends.”

“Friends?” Spock looked startled.

“Yep,” Jim said, cheerfully. “No kissing, no cuddling, no pressure to have sex.”

“I thought—"

“That I’d want to have sex?” At Spock’s nod, Jim grinned. “I absolutely do. And if this was just going to be a casual thing, I’d be dragging you to that bed right now. But for now, I think, we need to find out how to be friends, before we’re lovers, before we’re mates. Deal?”

Spock let out a very long breath. But he nodded. “Deal.”

Chapter Text

Jim was making plans with Bones to play cards with a couple of other crew members when his communicator chirped indicating he had a message.

When he didn’t immediately check it, Bones frowned. “Don’t you want to check that?”

They were standing in the corridor outside sickbay. Bones was about to go in while Jim was headed for the bridge after they worked out their plans.

“Nah, I’ll look in a moment. So what time then?”

Bones shrugged. “Shift’s over at 1900. So, thirty minutes later in the rec room?”

Jim nodded. “It’s almost 1800 now, so I’ll see you then. I’m due back on the bridge twenty minutes ago.” He added a laugh and turned to run down to the turbolift.

As soon as he got inside, he pulled out his communicator.

You are needed on observation deck 5, room 3. Please report.

He hesitated a moment because he had been expected on the bridge, but it was also true that no one was comming him to demand he appear and there was no ship wide call for him to report to the bridge.

Shrugging he changed his destination to deck 5.  

At first Jim thought the observation area was deserted. Truth be told he didn’t really come there much himself. Getting used to a new ship, a new assignment and a new…well whatever Spock was…didn’t really afford him much time for ship-wide exploration.

But the message said room 3, so after checking out the first two rooms on his right, he headed for the third on the left.

He was a little puzzled as to why he’d been summoned here. Some kind of newbie exercise? A test of some kind?

Jim waved his hand across the palm scanner and the door to room 3 slid open.

He was surprised to see the flicker of candlelight as he walked inside. His confusion grew.

“Welcome, Jim.”

Jim didn’t jump, exactly, but he was startled by the sound of Spock’s voice to the side of him. He turned to see Spock standing nearby, hands clenched behind his back.

Then his gaze went to the rest of the room and he spotted a table for two laid out with a tablecloth, fine dining plates, flowers in a pot in the middle and two candlesticks with lit candles. His jaw dropped open.

“Spock, what is this?”

“I believe the correct term is a date.”

Jim realized then that he could smell food. The scent of baked bread, corn, and cheese. Weird.

“Uh.”

“If you will join me, I have arranged for a corn souffle. There is also warm bread, green beans, and rice.”

“Spock, I’m still on duty.”

Spock shook his head. “I have arranged with your superior officer to allow you to end your shift early so that we can dine together.”

Jim stared at him. “Oh. I…I wish you’d let me know. I’ve made plans with Bones and a couple other guys.”

Spock deflated before Jim’s eyes but he tried valiantly to recover from the brief display and went back to looking blank. “I see. It was meant to be a surprise. I apologize for miscalculating.”

And even though he didn’t say it, Jim heard “again”.

“You know what? It’s just a card game. It’s no big deal. I can do it another day. Just let me step outside for a moment to let Bones know.”

“It is not necessary for you to cancel plans,” Spock began to protest.

“Yeah it is. And don’t worry about it. It really is no big deal. Hang on.”

He exited the room not really wanting to have this conversation in front of Spock.

“Jim? What the hell?” Bones complained when Jim reached him. “I’m in the middle of—”

“I know, sorry,” Jim said quickly. “Listen, I don’t want to take up too much time for either of us. I have to cancel that card game.”

“What? Why?”

Jim glanced back at room 3. “Something came up.”

“Work related?”

“Not really. Just, um, you know, a date.”

Bones snorted. “I should have known you were canceling so you can get with some piece of—”

“No! Jeez. Not like that. No.”

“Well, what then?”

“It’s Spock. I have a date with him.”

“Oh.” Silence.

There was something about that old saying. “Silence was deafening”. That seemed to apply here.   

“I told him I’d give it a try, Bones.”

“Is that really what you want, Jim?”

“I’m not really going to know until I give it that try, am I? And he’s trying, you know. He made me chicken the other day.“

“Still not sure I like this. But I guess if that’s what you want, then I support you.”

Jim laughed. “You sound like maybe you’re choking on those words.”

Bones huffed. “Maybe I am. I saw the affect he had on you when he accused you of cheating and brought up your pa and I can’t say he’s my favorite person, but okay.”

“I know. Cards tomorrow?”

“All right, I’ll let the others know.”

“Thanks, Bones. Gotta go.”

When Jim reentered the room Spock stood next to the table now putting several covered dishes there between the two plates.

“Smells good. You cooked again?”

Spock shook his head. “I am afraid not. This time everything is replicated. I have never made a souffle. My mother has, but I do not possess the knowledge or skills she has.”

Jim nodded and sat at the table. “Are you able to eat cheese?”

“I am a vegetarian not a vegan,” Spock replied, as he took the seat across from Jim. “However, this is made with nondairy cheese, per my instructions to the replicator.”

Jim tried not to make a face. “Okay, sounds great.”

“I have also poured you some sparkling wine.”

“Trying to get me drunk?” Jim joked as he reached for the flute in front of him.

“I am not.”

Jim chuckled. “It takes more than one glass anyway. This is nice, Spock.”

“I apologize for trying to make it a surprise thus making you cancel your prearranged plans. It did not occur to me you might be otherwise engaged.”

“It’s nothing. But I have changed them to tomorrow, so if you want another date, it’s going to have to be after that.”

“Acknowledged.”

Jim sipped the wine. “Pretty good. So. Your mom. What’s she like?”

“She is wonderful. Warm, kind, and highly intelligent.”

“Because she was smart enough to choose your dad?” Jim smiled to let Spock know he was teasing again.

“He selected her, I believe.”

“Yeah? Didn’t he want some logical wife?”

“My father had a prior relationship with a Vulcan female.”

“Really?”

“Indeed. A child was born, my brother, Sybok.”

Jim took a second sip and shook his head. “I didn’t know you had a brother. I have one too. Well, I had one. He took off.”

“Sybok too.”

Jim put his glass down. “Yeah?”

Spock nodded. “He is estranged from us. His mother, my father’s first wife, died in a laboratory explosion several years before he met my mother. He met Mother at an event on Earth where he had just begun his ambassadorial duties. He became instantly enamored by her wit and beauty.”

“And her humanity?”

“Actually, yes. I believe she challenged him in ways no one else ever had,” Spock mused. “As you do me. And your family? Your brother left?”

“Yep. When I was just a kid. Haven’t seen him since. It’s just Mom and me now. I like it that way.  As you found out, Mom’s just retired from Starfleet and is now living in a little house in Riverside, Iowa.”

“And you are close?”

He shrugged. “We aren’t unclose.”

“I would say that about my father and me.”

“See, we have more in common then we knew.”

“Seems so.” Spock lifted the lid off the corn souffle and placed a spoonful on each of their plates.

Jim forked a bite, chewed. “Uh, where’s the bread?”

The corners of Spock’s mouth turned upward. “Is it the cheese?”

“I think so. Try it for yourself.”

Spock did and then put his fork down. “It needs work. I will have to work with the programmers for more desirable vegetarian and vegan options as I am not the only crew member desiring them.”

“In the meantime, we can eat the other stuff.”

“Yes. I apologize for  the souffle.”

Jim laughed. “Nah, it’s okay. What’s for desert?”

“Berries.”

“With real cream?” He laughed again. “You know what? Never mind. Just the company is good.”

And for the first time since Jim arrived in room 3, Spock seemed to relax.    

Chapter Text

Spock was looking for Jim when he entered the medbay. The computer had informed him of Jim’s location when he had made the query. Yet he saw no sign of the ensign.

He’d been alarmed at first, for he feared Jim had somehow been injured and they’d neglected to inform Spock.

Perhaps he was wrong to think he should have been made aware of injuries to his bondmate. After all Jim had agreed to no permanence and he might have asked the medical staff not to advise Spock. They were on better terms, surely, but not perfect terms or even desirable terms. Their recent dinner date notwithstanding.

Jim was not among the two occupants of nearby biobeds being examined by staff. He was relieved.

Nurse Chapel glanced his way. “Can I help you, Commander?”

“I was looking for Ensign Kirk. I understood he is here.”

“Kirk? No, I haven’t seen him. Doctor Boyce is in the next room but the ensign isn’t there either. I think Leonard McCoy is down that hall in one of those offices. Maybe he’s there with him?”

Spock nodded. “Likely.”

He turned and made his way down the short hallway to the office door that read Leonard H McCoy.  He lifted his hand to knock.

“Oh yeah, right there. Oh God yes.”

Spock backed away immediately at the moaned words he heard from Doctor McCoy. His face flamed hot and he hurried back out of the corridor.

“Commander, was Kirk there?” Chapel called after him, but Spock did not stop and fled out the doors of the medbay.

With a hard thud he ran into someone coming by.

Staggering back slightly, Spock gaped. “Jim!”

Jim smiled in puzzlement. “Hey, you all right?”

Spock suddenly felt ridiculously giddy and he reached out unthinkingly and seized Jim’s arm, drawing him a little away from the medbay’s doors. 

“Yes, I am quite well now.”

“You weren’t a few minutes ago?”

“I went looking for you at the medbay.”

“Okay?”

Spock let out a breath. “I was informed you were there.”

“Huh? No.”

Spock almost smiled. “Obviously. I am unsure why the computer gave that as your location.”

“It did? Weird. What you want me for?”’

“I was going to ask if you would like to play chess with me in the rec room.”

“Chess? Well, sure. I’m not very good at it though.”

“I can certainly give you lessons to improve if that is your desire.”

Jim nodded and glanced toward the medbay. “Why did you look a little weird and panicked when you flew out of there?”

Spock had hoped he wouldn’t have to explain. “When I did not immediately see you, I was advised you might be visiting Leonard McCoy.”

“Right. I wasn’t though.”

“For which I am grateful,” Spock could not help saying.

“Hmm?”

“I went to see if that was where you were and Doctor McCoy—”

“Did he say something mean? Because if he did, I’ll talk to him.” Jim made to move around Spock to head to the medbay but Spock stopped.

“I did not speak with him.”

“Okay, but then—”

“He was engaged in an intimate activity,” Spock said quickly.

Jim stared at him. “What?”

“Please do not make me repeat that.”

Jim moistened his lips. “With who?”

“I did not stay to find out.”

Jim raised both brows. “Did you think it was me?”

“Only for a very short time. I hoped I was wrong.”

Jim grimaced. “I told you before we aren’t involved like that.”

“I understand and I will not make that mistake again, but it was only for a fleeting instant. I was pleased to run into you.”

“Did you say the computer told you I was there?”

“Indeed.”

“Well, that’s even stranger then.”

“Meaning?”

“I don’t know. Just…maybe someone wanted you to think I was doing something with Bones. Not sure.”

“Someone would have to deliberately program the computer to give false information.”

“True.” Jim smiled. “But may I remind you that it actually did?”

Spock thought about it. “I will investigate.”

“You do that. In the meantime, maybe we should hang around here and wait to find out who he was doing it with.”

“Jim, I am fairly certain that is not something I need to know. As it is I cannot unhear his…”

“His?”

“Words. He spoke some gibberish.”

“I see. Okay, yeah, let’s skip the reveal. Rec room?”

“Yes.”

“I believe you mislead me.”

Jim smiled as he took Spock’s queen. “How so?”

“While your methods are…peculiar…you are obviously quite good at chess.”

“You only say that because I’m about to say…check mate.”

Spock stared at the board. “I am unsure how you did it.”

“I could give you lessons.”

“You are mocking me.”   

Jim chuckled. It was a very good look on him, Spock decided. A laughing, amused Jim was unbelievably attractive.

“Just a tiny bit, yeah. All in good fun, of course.”

“Of course. Another game?”

“Want to lose again?”

“Not a chance. I am aware of your skill now.”

Jim laughed again. “Bring it on, fly boy.”

“I am not a pilot.”

“Okay, okay, whatever, science nerd. Just bring it on.”

“What’s the name of this planet again?”

Spock glanced up from his tricorder. It was the next day after Jim ended up trouncing him through four games of chess. It was astounding.

Captain Pike had chosen both Spock and Jim for this landing party. Jim had been quite excited. They weren’t expecting any trouble. The planet showed only measurable plant life.

“As of yet it does not have a name. It is a Class L planet.”

“Boring.”

“I thought you were eager to explore when you were given the mission.”

Jim nodded. “I was. But there’s like only a few weird bushes. Let’s go look over there.”

Spock observed that Captain Pike and the security officer with him were standing aside speaking quietly. He guessed Pike might be considering taking himself back to the Enterprise. He really wasn’t needed.

“Captain, Ensign Kirk and I are going to go explore over there.”

“Okay, Spock. Looks like you can handle things here. I’m going to beam back to the Enterprise. I’ll leave Gregory here just to be safe.”

“I will provide my report to you later, Captain.”

A moment later, Pike said, “Energize.”

Spock turned back to where Jim had already moved to and Spock held out his tricorder.

“See anything interesting?”

“No.” Jim frowned.

Spock glanced at him. “What is it then?”

“I don’t know. I thought I saw something.”

“What?”

“A shimmer.”

“Where?”

Jim gestured to the plants and trees before them. “Everywhere. A shimmer. Like a wave. A fluctuation. I don’t know. Maybe I was hallucinating.”

Spock scanned the plants and trees. “There is nothing unusual in my scans.”

“Then I was hallucinating.”

Spock watched him. “That doesn’t seem likely. You are not given to hallucinations normally, are you?”

“No, but…there. It did it again.”

Spock studied the area but saw nothing unusual. He stepped forward toward a leaf of a plant.

“Wait. Spock, I’m not sure we should touch anything.”

“I am the science officer and I—”

Just as he touched the leaf, Jim grabbed his wrist.

Suddenly the whole area warbled like a wave, as Jim said, and Spock felt completely disoriented.

“Spock—”

“Hold on.”

Then it felt as though a shard of glass pierced straight through his stomach. Spock gasped in pain and he felt Jim jerk as he continued to try to hold onto Spock’s wrist.

Everything stopped and they stood on solid ground facing a barren wasteland. There was nothing but dirt and sand as far as the eye could see. At least the air seemed breathable.

Jim stared at him wide-eyed. “What was that? Where are we?”

“I do not know. Are you all right?”

“I think so. But man that hurt.”

“Yes.”

Jim crouched down and stared at the soil they stood in. He shook his head. “Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”

Chapter Text

“Spock to Enterprise. Spock to Enterprise.”

Silence. Not even static.

Not that Jim had expected static.

Spock repeated his attempts several more times, but at last put his communicator away.

“I will try again shortly.”

Jim gave a curt nod.

Spock now had his tricorder out and was scanning the area where they had appeared in this desolate place.

“My tricorder appears to work.”

“Mm hmm.”

Jim felt his glance but he didn’t look in Spock’s direction. The truth was he was pretty irritated at the moment and figured he needed to get his temper under control before he became insubordinate.

He lifted his hand up to his eyes to shield them from the blazing sun as he surveyed the area. One thing was clear. They wouldn’t last in this heat for long. At least Jim wouldn’t. Spock was likely more used to this sort of thing being from Vulcan.

“I don’t find any sentient life signs other than our own,” Spock said. “There is some evidence of organic plant life.”

“I sure don’t see any.”

“Indeed.” He put his tricorder away. “As senior officer I take responsibility for this.”

“As senior officer,” Jim mumbled.

“Jim?”

He sighed. “It’s just that the actual blame does fall to you. I told you not to touch it but you just couldn’t resist.”

“You were unclear as to whether what you were experiencing was real or hallucinations,” Spock pointed out coldly.

“I still said not to…” Jim stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Okay, okay. Sorry. Playing the blame game doesn’t help our situation. We’re going to have to find some kind of shelter, Spock.”

“Believe it or not, I am well aware of that, Ensign. I have Starfleet training.”

All right, thought Jim. Spock was getting pissy because Jim blamed him.

“Yes, sir.”

Spock’s spine was ramrod straight as he glanced around. “I cannot detect any possible shelter in the immediate vicinity. We have no choice but to explore our surroundings.”

Jim stuck his hand behind him, feeling around.

“What are you doing?”

“Just checking to see if this was a false wall or something and we really haven’t gone anywhere at all.”

“Not a bad guess, but I assume your experiment is a failure.”

Jim sighed again. “Yeah. I didn’t think it was likely given how much it hurt for us to get here. Well, Commander, which direction?”

“East I think. The sun appears to be heading to the West at this time, so it will be hotter in that direction.” Spock looked at Jim. “You are already turning red. This place will be difficult for you.”

He grimaced. “Yeah, it will.”

“I do have a sun block wand in the emergency kit I carry if it is working.” Spock reached into his tricorder bag and withdrew a handheld silver stick. He pressed the end and held it up to Jim’s heated face.

Jim immediately felt some relief, so he nodded his thanks.

“There is not much here,” Spock admitted. “But it will have to do for now.”

“Let’s go.”

****

It felt as though they had been walking for hours, Jim decided, though it probably hadn't been. He couldn’t see any sign of the plant life Spock’s tricorder had found.

Periodically, Spock stopped and made an attempt to contact the Enterprise, and each time was unsuccessful.

“This will give us quite the opportunity to get to know each other,” Jim commented. He was trying not to show Spock how much his strength was deteriorating. But it was getting more difficult to continue moving through the hot, blistering sand that seemed to be the ground composition of this nightmare planet they found themselves on.

“Not the way I would have preferred it,” Spock responded.

He sounded cool as a cucumber, which was a stupid phrase, Jim thought, somewhat deliriously, and he was envious of Spock’s desert background.

“Me either. Getting closer to you just before we die isn’t my idea of a good time.”

“Jim, we are not going to die.”

“At least I’m back to Jim instead of Ensign.”

“We aren't going to die,” Spock insisted. “We will find shelter and we will be rescued.”

“Okay.”

“Even now Captain Pike is no doubt attempting to locate our position.”

Jim nodded. “I hope you do get rescued. And you are right, I am sure they are trying to find us.”

Spock frowned and stopped, reaching out to put his hands on Jim’s forearms.

“You speak as though you believe I am the only one who will be rescued.”

“Well…yeah.”

“I will not permit you to die. Not on my watch.”

Jim attempted a smile. It faltered. He was faltering. “I’m not sure I need permission. But listen, I’m already in bad shape here, Spock. We have no water. Or shelter. Unless you can pull either of those out of your emergency kit. My feet are killing me. I think I have blisters between my toes. I can hardly walk anymore. My breathing is labored. I think I’m getting delirious. I’m not going to last.”

Spock pursed his lips. “I will carry you.”

“What? You can’t do that,” Jim protested.

“I certainly can. I will carry you until I find us shelter out of the sun. You will not die.”

“Spock—”

But Jim was suddenly lifted off the ground and hoisted up over Spock’s shoulder. And he really was delirious because the fact he just picked Jim up like he was a rag doll or something was a super turn on.

“Spock, you can’t—”

“Save your strength. I do not know how much farther I will have to go.”

Chapter Text

Spock went back to his unconscious Human mate to check on him for the tenth time in the last fifteen minutes. There had been no significant change in that time and yet Spock obsessively checked to make certain Jim did not get worse.

Miraculously, a strange thought considering his lack of belief in miracles, Spock had managed to locate shelter in a cave. He had secured Jim’s comfort, as much as he could, before setting up a suitable camp for their duration while awaiting rescue.

There had been no sign of animal life, but at least in this hidden cave Spock had located there was a small stream of water coming from somewhere deeper within the cave. After testing it to make certain it was not poison or otherwise unusable, Spock had given some to Jim by prying open his mouth. His color was no longer beet red, but he remained unconscious.

Jim moaned though, which probably meant two things. One, he was close to waking, and two, he was in pain.

Spock could do something about the second one. He could meld with Jim and take on at least some of his suffering for his own, so that Jim would recover more quickly, but given their history, Spock wished to obtain Jim’s permission before proceeding.   

He sat on the ground beside Jim and made another attempt to summon the Enterprise first.

“Spock to Enterprise. Spock to Enterprise.”

Dead silence. As though the Enterprise did not exist. Or perhaps it was the two of them who no longer existed. Maudlin and illogical.

He returned his full attention to Jim.

“Jim?”

His answer was a soft groan.

“I request permission to meld with you so that I may relieve your discomfort. May I have it?”

Nothing.

“Jim?”

This time another groan. Which was not good enough.

“I require either a yes or a no.”

But Jim did not respond and Spock grew more concerned. He scooted closer to Jim, lifting Jim’s head to cradle it in his lap.

“Jim, T’hy’la. Please. Yes or no.”

Spock preferred yes, of course, but he would not manipulate Jim’s answer in this manner. It had to be his free will.

Jim’s eyelids moved, as though in an attempt to open, but they did not. But then he heard a softly murmured, “’Kay.”

And that was good enough. He was filled with an overwhelming sense of relief as his fingers moved to the meld points of Jim’s still too warm face.

It was a simple meld, nothing too intrusive. He didn’t have to get any of Jim’s thoughts or feelings in order to relieve his ailments. But yes, some of them came to him, he felt the exhaustion, the nausea, the weakness as he took them on and away from Jim.

Now Jim’s eyelids did lift up and the blue eyes gazed up at him.

“Spock?”

Jim lifted his hand to Spock’s wrist, curling his fingers around Spock there. “It’s okay. That’s enough.”

Spock’s hand dropped away from Jim’s face and he fell back just a little when Jim sat up.

“Are you okay?”

“Affirmative. It just takes a moment to adjust to the disorientation.”

Jim frowned. “What did you do exactly?”

Spock shook his head. “It is a simple Vulcan method for assuming some level of your illness or injuries onto my person.”

“Doesn’t seem that simple. You’re very pale.”

“It will pass in a moment,” Spock said with more certainty than he felt. In truth he had never attempted it before, but given Jim’s state, he felt as though he had no other choice. “Your condition was worse than I anticipated.”

“I do feel much better, but if it gets to be too difficult for you—”

“As your commanding officer—”

“Really?”

Spock exhaled. “As your bondmate, it is my duty to see that you are well.”

“I really don’t want you doing things for me out a sense of duty,” Jim insisted. He looked around the cave. “Where are we?”

“In a cave I was able to locate to shelter in. There are more signs of life in this location than in the area where we first materialized, however, I have been unable to determine any life signs of animal or edible plants for sustenance. I located water here and it is drinkable, though not abundant.”

“Okay.”

“I have in my emergency pack two nutritional bars, but they will not be enough should we find ourselves without rescue for an extended period.”

Jim nodded. “Got it. Okay, I’m going to try to stand, and then, if I can travel, maybe we can explore our surroundings to see just what our situation is.”

“I have made several attempts to contact the Enterprise without success.”

“I figured.”

Spock rose to his knees himself. He was already adjusting to the heat exhaustion Jim had been feeling. He was fairly certain he would be reasonably normal himself soon.

He made it to his feet next and reached down to assist Jim to stand.

“Thanks. But you don’t have to do so much for me,” Jim muttered.

Spock didn’t bother to mention it was his duty again, figuring he’d just get an argument from the Human. They’d done enough of that. He preferred them working together to find a solution.

“Perhaps we ought to eat some of the nutritional bar before any extended exploration,” Spock suggested.

“Yeah, that makes sense.”

Spock reached into his emergency pack and withdrew one of the bars. After unwrapping it, he tore off some for both of them.

Jim chewed and made a face. “Tastes like sawdust mixed with strawberries.”

He arched a brow. “You have tasted sawdust?”

“You’d be surprised.” Jim smirked. He put his hand on Spock’s arm. “Okay, ready to venture out?”

“Are you? You are only just recovering.”

“We won’t go far,” Jim promised.

“Very well. But may I remind you our instruments are not entirely operational and our phasers—”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go.”

Spock put himself in front of Jim and headed for the narrow exit of the cave back to the elements outside.

“Wow, what—”

Spock stopped and stared. They were no longer looking at a desert landscape. Now they seemed to be standing in a lush, tropical jungle.

Chapter Text

“Hallucination?”

Jim put his hand on Spock’s arm to stop his forward movement.

Moisture dripped from the leaves of the trees surrounding the cave. Nearby there were flowering plants with blossoms as large as Jim’s head. He could hear the chirp and buzz of birds and insects, though at present he could spot neither.

Spock pursed his lips. “It is possible. But it would have to be for both of us.”

He nodded. “There are incidences of mass hysteria.”

“True. I do not feel hysterical.” Spock eyed him. “Do you?”

“No. But when we first stepped through that…portal or whatever it was…we were in a vast desert with nothing to see but sand and nothing to feel but oppressive heat.”

“Correct.”

“When you found this cave, was this here?”

“Negative. It was, as you described. However, I do recall feeling surprise at locating a cave under those circumstances. It was as though it appeared out of nowhere just as I was wishing I would locate somewhere where we could rest.”

Jim removed his hand from Spock’s sleeve and stepped around him to fully exit the cave.

“This seems somehow familiar.”

“You have seen it?”

“Maybe. But I don’t think so. Read about it maybe? Saw a report? I don’t know. But it’s strange.”

“We have to be cautious.” Spock had his tricorder out. “I now detect significant life forms where there were none.”

“So it’s working?”

“At present it appears to be.” Spock lifted his communicator to his mouth. “Spock to Enterprise.”

Silence.

Jim exhaled slowly.

“So, still no Enterprise. Or maybe we’re on the Enterprise.”

“Jim?”

He shrugged. “Maybe when we touched that plant we were thrown backward and injured instead of going through that portal we thought we saw and we’re now delirious in sickbay.”

Spock gave him a look, but it was more consideration than dismissal.

“It is possible, I suppose. But for now we must conclude we are on a hostile planet we need to survive on until we are rescued.”

“Right, Commander. You have my agreement on that.”

He took another step further but Spock stopped him by grabbing his forearm.

“As the senior officer I should proceed first,” Spock told him. “Not to mention you are still recovering from recent heat sickness.”

Jim smirked. “Okay, senior officer, after you.”

Their boots squished in the mud under their feet as they mad their way deeper into the jungle.

The buzz got louder the further they got from the cave and Jim also heard the rush of water, like from a stream.

“Was that your source of water?” Jim asked.

“Negative. There was some in the cave. Perhaps connected to the larger one we can hear.”

Jim nodded and followed closely behind Spock. He had his phaser raised, even though it had not previously worked. The tricorder sorta worked so maybe that would be the case with the phaser.

And for some reason the hair on the back of Jim’s neck bristled.

A low growl stopped him in his tracks.

“Spock,” he whispered.

It was not up ahead but rather above them.

Spock had stopped walking also and had grabbed onto Jim, pulling him. Where he would take him, Jim didn’t know, because the threat was definitely above them.

Jim raised his phaser, gaze lifting to the tops of the trees, searching for the creature making the low growl.

He didn’t feel like being anyone’s lunch.

A panther like creature was crouched low in the branches of a tree, fangs bared, and ready to pounce on its prey.

And the prey it seemed focused on was Spock.

Jim pushed Spock out of the way and fired the phaser.

Nothing.

Damn it.

With Spock out of the way, the panther now glared down at Jim, letting out a roar that hurt his ears and caused his heartbeat to skip erratically in his chest.

A long tongue came out to lick its chops and it leaped down to land on Jim, knocking him backwards on the ground. The back of his head barely missed hitting a rock.

 Its large paws landed on Jim’s chest, knocking the wind out of him. He could hear Spock yelling, but it sounded so distant.

Then the creature’s claws pierced his flesh and Jim screamed.

Chapter Text

Spock had just finished bandaging Jim’s chest wound when Jim shot upright, eyes wide with fright, and panting.

“Easy, Jim. I have you. You are all right.”

Spock put his hands on Jim’s arms and held him still, but gently so as not to cause further damage to his mate.

Jim’s haunted eyes took a moment to focus and then his gaze went to Spock’s face. “That creature—”

“He is no more,” Spock admitted. “I find no joy in taking the life of a living unknown animal but given the circumstances of his attack upon you, I cannot wholly regret my actions that resulted in it letting you loose.”

Jim moved his hands until he was clutching at Spock’s middle but if it offered Jim comfort, he did not mind.

“Was…that…an illusion?”

“If so it is one we both suffered from. And considering you have claw marks across your chest, it seems real. Fortunately they were not as deep as I feared.”

Jim was silent for a moment then shook his head. “I barely feel it. Just a little sting.” He narrowed his eyes. “Are you absorbing the pain again?”

“It is quite manageable I assure you.”

“Spock.” Jim blew out a long breath, then winced. “Are we back in the cave?”

“Yes, I felt it necessary to return to shelter.”

“Still a jungle or has it changed again?”

“I was about to explore when you woke.”

“I’m not sure I’m up to wandering around,” Jim admitted.

“There is no need. I intend to explore alone.”

“There might be others like the one who attacked me.”

Spock acknowledged this. “But we will be in need of food soon so I must take the chance. I will stay close.”

“I don’t like the idea.”

“Same. But it must be done. You need to rest for the time being. I believe that even now the Enterprise is looking for us and is attempting a rescue, but until that time, as your superior officer I must see to your safety.”

Jim smirked. “Yeah. Right. Superior officer. Okay. I can’t say it’s worth arguing over.”

“For once anyway,” Spock replied with some amusement of his own. “Yell out if you need me. I promise to return shortly.”

“Okay,” Jim agreed. “But don’t be out there on your own for long.”

Having just promised he wouldn’t be, Spock didn’t reply to that.

Instead he eased Jim down into a prone position, told him to rest, and then exited the cave once more.

Nothing had changed outside the cave as far as Spock could see. They were still surrounded by jungle foliage and he could still hear the buzz and clicks of various insects in the trees around them.

The carcass of the catlike creature who had attempted to ravage Jim still lay under a cluster of trees. He was vaguely surprised not to see other creatures already feeding on it. Spock was well aware how the animal world worked. But thus far nothing had approached the body.

Spock went passed the creature, electing not to use its flesh as their food unless there were no other options. He had excellent Vulcan hearing and did not detect any growls or grumbles nearby.

Eventually he came upon a tree with low lying fruit, so he picked one, cut it open and assessed it. His tricorder, while not working optimally, seemed to indicate it was not poisonous to humanoids. The scent was sweet and reminded him of a cross between a Terran peach and a Romulan apple. The flesh of the fruit was more consistent with a berry, soft and red.  He placed a small slice into his mouth and tried it.

“Fascinating,” Spock murmured.

He picked several, put them in his collection bag, and turned to go back to the cave. He’d been out long enough and it seemed that whatever sun this planet had once descending and night would be upon them soon.  

Once he had ducked down and reentered the cave, he found Jim was sitting up, back against the cave wall, looking a bit pale, but reasonably well.

“Glad you’re back. I was about to try to get up to go looking for you.”

“I did not think I was gone long.”

“Time sort of stands still in this place,” Jim said. “I really don’t know how long you were gone.”

Spock approached and lowered himself down beside Jim. He took out a fruit, cut it, and offered it to Jim.

“Smells kinda good.” Jim took a tentative bite. Chewed. “Tastes a bit like watermelon. Hope it isn’t poisonous.” He laughed.  

“I tested it and tasted it myself before returning with it. I would not take the chance it would harm you,” Spock assured him.

“Well. But if it had poisoned and killed you, I’d be stranded by myself,” Jim pointed out.” He took several more bites of the fruit as did Spock.

“True, however, I have every confidence you would do well yourself until Captain Pike arrived for the rescue.”

Jim just smiled and shook his head.

“This is an interesting way to become better acquainted,” Spock said after several moments of silence.

“I’ll say. Forced to survive together under dire circumstances. Sounds like the plot of a romance novel.”

Spock’s lips twitched. “Indeed. Although I don’t believe I qualify as someone’s idea of a romance novel hero.”

Jim smiled faintly. “I don’t know. You brought me food, hauled me through the desert, and fought off a vicious cat who wanted to lunch on me. Seems like you’re hero material to me.”

Though Spock knew Jim was teasing, he found himself blushing and looking away.

He was under no such delusions. If Spock hadn’t announced they were mates, Jim would never have given him a second look. It was only through Jim’s sense of fairness he had agreed to give Spock a chance at all and kept agreeing. Spock was well aware when their trial period was over, Jim would likely seek the ending of their bond. He would have to prepare himself for that.

“Hey.” Jim reached for Spock’s hand and grabbed on to it. “You’re thinking way too much.”

“I am a Vulcan.”

Jim laughed softly. “Boy, do I know that.” He patted the spot next to him as he made to lower himself to lie down once more. “We should both get some sleep. Come on.”

Spock agreed it was likely a good idea. And after securing their area as best he could, Spock took his place beside Jim.    

Chapter Text

Growing up, Jim woke to loud arguing voices often enough that he became a pretty light sleeper. Then later, during the food supply raids on Tarsus IV, well, he had many sleepless nights.

When he opened his eyes in the cave to Spock lying beside him, apparently sleeping quite deeply, Jim made the decision to try to get up and survey their circumstances, allowing Spock to rest a bit longer for a change.

It wasn’t as easy as he had hoped however, given the injuries he’d received from the cat-thing. Spock had bandaged him up pretty good and had done a lot to manage Jim’s pain, but by the time he got to his feet, he was winded and leaning against the rock wall.

Made even more difficult by his efforts not to disturb Spock while rising. For a moment he leaned there against that wall and observed Spock to make sure the commander hadn’t awakened.

Spock had used a light from his emergency kit to allow visibility in the cave and Jim was grateful for it. The last thing he needed to do was stumble around in the dark.

He had to pee, of course, after sleeping, so he hoped to make it to the entrance and outside before he had to relieve himself.  But he found that he was so weakened he had to continue to hold on to the cave wall as he maneuvered forward.

Jim reminded himself he’d been through worse, though admittedly it was hard to think anything was worse at the present time. Perhaps because he had Spock with him, it wasn’t so bad.

Not that he was under any illusions that he and Spock had a romance for the ages or anything. Jim had little doubt Spock was appalled to learn Jim’s significance to him and had merely decided over time to try and make the best of it, considering severing the bond they had could prove quite difficult.

He was no one’s first choice when it came to life partners. He had learned to accept that. Everyone viewed him as all glitz and no substance.

He did give Spock credit for trying in their ‘trial period’. At least lately. Jim wasn’t entirely blameless for the rocky start, he guessed. Just mostly.

After all, he didn’t have a girlfriend—former or not—who didn’t want to give Spock the time of day. Nope, that was all Spock and Uhura. And if things ended between him and Spock, he had no doubt she’d get her claws in the Vulcan once more.

And he thought about all this to distract him as he made his way to the entrance. Or exit as was the case. He felt enormous relief when his fingers finally curved over the opening.

By now his head was pounding and his chest wounds had begun to sting. No doubt from his exertion as well as his pain management being asleep.

He was going to be a goner should anything or anyone confront him outside.

Jim pulled himself through the opening and out into the darkness of whatever nightmarish planet they found themselves on. Though his bladder continued to remind him he really had to go, he took a moment to make sure nothing was around.

Getting slaughtered with his dick out would be pretty damn humiliating. Not that he’d be alive to know about it. But the mere thought of it was enough to give him a lot of pause.

When he could hear nothing but the sounds of crickets and other nocturnal insects, he finally undid his uniform zipper, pulled himself out, and peed.

By the time he had finished and got everything situated again, he was giddy with relief, and sweaty from the effort.

Despite Spock’s assurances, Jim wasn’t convinced they would be rescued by the Enterprise or anyone else. As he’d said, time seemed to stand still, but it felt to Jim like they’d already been there for a few days and there was no evidence anyone was looking for them.

There was nothing but the odd jungle outside their cave as far as Jim could see. And any sign of the desert they’d first encountered had vanished. It could still be a delirious vision given to him as he lay dying in sickbay, but the wounds on his chest felt very real.

He turned and felt his way back inside the cave, stumbling over a rock as he did so, but managing to stay upright.

It took him another ten minutes easily to make his way back to where their makeshift bed was and to Jim’s somewhat surprise, Spock seemed to be pretty out of it still.

And that began to worry him.

He had deliberately tried to be quiet before, but he couldn’t have been that quiet. Vulcans were light sleepers too, weren’t they?    

“Spock?” he called out loudly. “Spock!”

The Vulcan didn’t stir. And there was no awareness of him in Jim’s head, even a light awareness as there usually seemed to be.

Jim made his way to where Spock rested on the cave floor, dropping carefully to his knees beside his superior officer.

He put his hand on Spock’s arm and shook.

“Spock, wake up.”

Spock didn’t even stir.

“Oh God. Don’t be dead.”

Chapter Text

“Oh God. Don’t be dead.”

His words echoed loudly in the cave making his heart stammer in his chest.

What was he going to do if Spock had died? Probably follow him shortly after.

He leaned over Spock, grabbed his shoulders, and shook the Vulcan as violently as he could. Nothing happened. He tried to watch for breaths moving his chest. Vulcans lungs were in the same place as Humans, right? Jim didn’t even know!

And if Spock didn’t react to that shaking, well, he had to be gone, right?

Tears stung his eyes, both for the loss of Spock, who he was only just getting to know and have some genuine affection for, and himself for being stranded on this godforsaken planet by himself.

Jim put his fingers to Spock’s face, like a meld, he thought, and quickly noted that Spock didn’t feel ice cold anyway. But Jim was no telepath and nothing clicked between them to allow him to enter Spock’s mind.

Frustrated, Jim slapped Spock hard.

“Wake up!”

Instantly he felt shame for striking Spock and he backed up and got to his feet, turning around, beginning to sob.

“Jim?”

Jim turned around quickly, so stunned he nearly dropped to his knees.

Spock’s eyes were blinking open.

“Spock! You-you’re alive.”

Spock struggled to sit slightly upright but he still looked quite dazed and Jim noted the handprint across the Vulcan’s face.

Jim hurried forward, wincing at his own injuries, and dropped next to Spock once more.

“Are you all right? What happened? I couldn’t wake you up.”

“I must have been in a healing trance,” Spock spoke very slowly, as though testing the words.

“A healing trance?”

“A Vulcan method for ensuring recovery from injuries and mental stress. Normally it is a voluntary state. I do not recall choosing to do so while we were both vulnerable in this cave. But I had taken on some of the pain from your injuries.”

Jim nodded. “So your body and mind did it for you.” He blew out a long breath. “I really need to educate myself on Vulcans.”

“I apologize for your believing I had passed.”

“Well, seems like you didn’t choose it.” He looked at Spock’s face. “I’m afraid I struck you.”

“Likely why I came out of the trance. A deep healing trance can require rather significant methods to end it.”

Jim’s lips twitched. “Yeah.”

“What is our status?”

“Same. I went out to take a leak earlier and nothing seemed different. No sign of rescue or anything out there but plants and insects. At least when I went out. I didn’t venture far.”

Spock pulled himself into a more upright position. “You didn’t reinjure yourself?”

 “No. A bit sore and stingy but manageable. No need to keep taking on anything from me. Especially if it causes that result.”

“And our instruments?”

“Not tried them. I didn’t want to be judged insane.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Some stupid old Earth thing. The definition of insanity is continuing to do the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.”

Spock gave him a look but fished out his communicator. “Spock to Enterprise. Enterprise, do you read?”

“It’s no use, Commander. Not here anyway. We need to get out into the open. This cave is likely blocking anything the Enterprise can scan. Maybe this whole jungle. If we want to have a chance at rescue, I think we have to venture out.”

“Your injuries—”

“I’m willing if you are. Think you can make it?”

“Affirmative.”

“Then let’s do it.” Then Jim smiled. “Er, since you’re in charge, I guess I should let you make that decision.”

Spock arched an eyebrow. “Yes, Ensign Kirk.  But, unfortunately, I am forced to agree. Staying here is getting us nowhere. Time to explore.”

****

 They broke camp and stepped out of the cave. But if they expected to be once more in some tropical jungle, they’d have been wrong.

“Holy fuck,” Jim exclaimed. “Spock, we’re not dressed for this.”

“No.”

Heavy snow fell at an angle, making it difficult to see in front of them. Jim could see no trees, hear no creatures.

Spock put his hand on Jim’s arm.

They both made to turn to go back into the cave, regrouping their intentions on their minds.

The cave was gone.

Chapter Text

“Yep. Not Kansas.”

“What?”

Jim sighed. “Nothing. Fuck, Spock. This is another fine mess we’ve gotten ourselves into. We aren’t going to last even an hour in weather like this.”

Spock was silent a moment, staring intently at the tricorder that only sort of worked. Already his dark hair was covered with snow. His eyelashes dotted with flakes. If they weren’t about to die, Jim would think he actually looked pretty adorable.

But they were. And so Jim ignored the adorableness.

“Yes, I have surmised the unlikely outcome of our survival,” Spock murmured. “Which I take complete responsibility for. As the senior officer and your mate—”

“Nobody’s looking for the blame here, Commander. We’ve got to find shelter and fast. It’s getting heavier by the minute and I can’t see beyond a few feet in front of me. Shit. You got some sort of light in that Dudley Do Right kit of yours?”

Spock frowned. “Dudley—”

“Never mind. Light? We can maybe use it as a beacon or something. At least some way to cut through this snow. I haven’t been in a blizzard for years but this has all the makings of it.” His teeth had started to chatter. Not good.

Spock produced a light. Not very bright but it was the best they had.

And even though Jim was only an Ensign, he found himself taking the light from Spock and leading the way. He did want to be a captain one day. Well, had wanted. If they didn’t make it off this haunted rock, that was never going to happen.

It was slow going. Too slow. It was almost impossible to navigate the landscape even with the light. He was stumbling and so was Spock. And the more exposed they were, the slower they went. He could hear how  shallow Spock’s breaths were becoming and it was not good.

He turned to look back and Spock had fallen to his knees in a snow drift.

“We’re not going to make it, are we?”

Jim moved to assist Spock. The Vulcan was very pale and the tips of his ears had begun to show discoloration.

“I do not believe so. I am sorry, Jim.”

He sank down next to the Vulcan. It was so hard to take even one more step.

“Listen, I’m sorry we didn’t get to finish our trial run. Between us.”

Spock barely nodded. “If…I had it to do over…illogical to think that way…”

Spock was fading fast and Jim started to freak out. If Spock died first, Jim would be left here on his own. Probably not for long but—

“Spock.” Jim put his frozen, painful hands on Spock’s frigid face. “Don’t go. Stick with me. We can do this. Right? Come on, Spock.”

A tear burned his left eye and he started to get angry.

“Damn it! This is bullshit! Why are you doing this? Why—”

He heard the low whine of a transporter and he grabbed on to Spock.

“Yes!”

****

He was very warm. Swaddled by a heavy weighted blanket.

“That’s it. Open your eyes, Jim.”

The voice was familiar. Beloved.

“Jim, open your eyes.”

“Bones?”

“That’s right. Open up those baby blues.”

It kind of hurt to do so, but Jim forced his eyelids up. Only to groan when Bones shined a light into them.

“Good, good. They’re reactionary. How do you feel?”

“Kinda hot.”

“You’re going to stay that way for just a little longer. We’ve pumped you full of nutritional supplements too.”

“Spock?”

“In another part of medbay with Dr. Boyce. He’s okay.”

“How long were we down there?”

“Several days. It took some time to cut through whatever forcefield they had on that planet.  I’m sure Captain Pike will debrief you when you’re feeling better.  What the hell happened to your chest?”

“Oh. Yeah. Well. I was attacked by this sabretooth tiger thing.”

Bones rolled his eyes. “Only you, Jim.”

“Hey, it’s not like I asked for it.”    

His friend didn’t look like he believed him. “Okay, I’m going to run a few more tests and then we’ll see about getting you some real food.”

Jim nodded. Or he thought so. The blankets were pulled tight up around his neck. “Or you sure Spock’s okay?”

“Yes. Had a bit of frostbite but Boyce was able to heal him. I guess the worst part was on the tips of his ears. They’d begun to turn black.”

Jim sucked in a breath. “He didn’t lose the tips did he?”

Bones snorted. “No, he’s still got pointy ears. You got a fetish or something?”

“No. I don’t want him to lose anything that’s part of who he is. Duh, Bones.”

“Mm. Well, when you two lovebirds are well enough, I’ll see about whether a visit between you two is appropriate.”

Something occurred to Jim then. What Spock had heard before this whole disastrous landing party.

“Hey, Bones, who were you…”

“Who was I?”

Then he felt himself blushing. “You know what? Never mind. Nothing.”

Bones gave him a funny look. “I’ll be right back for those tests. You rest in the meantime.”

Jim allowed himself to feel a sense of relief. They’d been rescued. They were safe on the Enterprise. And anything else could be dealt with later.

Like what the hell was up with that planet. Why had they been basically torturing Jim and Spock?

And including who set up Spock to believe Jim was with McCoy that afternoon before the mission. Someone who wanted to end things between them by throwing shade at Jim. He could think of only one person who’d want to put such a wedge between him and Spock. He hoped he was wrong.      

Chapter Text

The woman gazing at him from the screen of a borrowed PADD was very familiar to him. He had been told he had Human eyes and if he did, he had her to thank for it.

“Mother.”

She smiled warmly as she smoothed out her headscarf. “Spock, then it’s true. You are in one piece.”

Spock shifted the pillow behind his head as he raised the biobed so he was more fully sitting up. He was ready to be released as far as he was concerned but Doctor Boyce had other ideas.

“I apologize that you were bothered. Since I am making a full recovery there was no need to inform you and cause you concern.”

“You’re my son, of course I should be informed. Doctor Boyce is a kind man. And certainly Sarek is pleased to hear of your recovery.”

Spock arched a brow. “Is he?”

“He’s still your father, Spock, whatever your differences.”

And those differences were many but Spock knew there was no need to go through any of that. His mother knew well enough.

“I see your ears have bandages. Do they hurt overmuch?”

“They do not.  I was provided a pain analgesic to mitigate any discomfort.”

“Doctor Boyce mentioned you didn’t lose any tissue. Such a strange story, Spock. And nothing is known about the planet you and Jim were stranded on?”

“Not much,” Spock agreed. “Captain Pike is set to brief us later about any findings, but according to the medical staff much is still shrouded in mystery.”

“And Jim? He is also recovering?”

“I have been told he is. They have not allowed me to see him yet.”

Mother frowned. “Was he severely injured?”

“Yes and no. He was initially attacked by a creature on the planet and I believed he might not survive the injuries but then those injuries seemed to heal quickly and he appeared to be doing better in the elements than I myself was. But Doctor McCoy is being cautious.”

Mother was silent as she considered this information, and then she smiled slightly as she lifted a teacup to her mouth for a sip.

“And you and Jim? You’re getting along better?”

“I believe we are.”

“Good.” Her smile widened.

“I am sorry to have concerned you,” Spock said, again. “I suppose had I accepted my enrollment in the Vulcan Science Academy I would not be placed in questionable circumstances.”

“Probably. But had you gone with your father’s preference you would not have met the love of your life.”

The term caused immediate discomfort. Vulcans did not recognize such illogical notions and Spock did not in particular.

Mother laughed. “Oh I see that face. You may not realize it now but I think it applies here. And if it does not you cannot deny that you yourself said he was your T’hy’la.”

“That is hardly the same distinction, Mother.  The term you have used is entirely illogical and inaccurate.”

“Okay, fine. Have it your way. Jim’s just your warrior friend and brother.”

“Did I hear my name?”

And Spock actually jumped an inch in the biobed as Jim, still dressed in hospital attire, appeared by Spock’s bedside. His hair was a tangled mess and his blue eyes bloodshot, but he was a welcome sight, nevertheless. His expression was one of quizzical curiosity.

“Mother and I were discussing your recovery,” Spock explained.

Jim moved around the bed until he was sitting on it, next to where Spock sat, so he could see the PADD with Spock’s mother on it.

“Oh, hi there.”

“Hi there, yourself! Hello Jim, I’m Spock’s mother. You can call me Amanda.”

“It’s great to meet you, Amanda. I wish it were in better circumstances.”

“Me too. How are you feeling?”

“A little tired but good. Bones let me come in and see Spock.”

She looked amused. “Bones?”

Jim grinned. “Doctor McCoy. Anyway, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I would have waited if I’d known Spock was talking to his mommy.”

Spock stiffened. “Hardly—”

Mother laughed again. “I assure you that he’s never called me that. Spock, I’ll let you go for now so that you and Jim can talk. I’m glad you’re okay and I love you.”

Spock nodded. He felt strange responding in kind in front of Jim, so he simply said, “I will contact you again when I am released. Goodbye, Mother.”

He set aside the PADD and turned back to Jim who had now risen from the biobed and was standing nearby.

“I really am sorry to have butt in.”

“You did not and I am very glad to see you are up and able to walk around.”

Jim gave him a sweet smile. “I wanted to see you. You’re okay? Really?”

“Hey!”

Jim winced as they both heard the yell from the other part of sickbay.

“Shoot.”

Doctor McCoy came around the corner, his face red. “Jim, damn it, get back to that bed immediately!”

Spock was surprised by McCoy’s ire.

“Jim said you allowed him to visit.”

“Did he?” McCoy looked thunderous.

“I…I might have exaggerated that a bit,” Jim said with an unrepentant grin. “I guess I’d better go.”

Spock shook his head.

Jim scurried away with McCoy following after him giving him a lecture the entire time.

Spock’s lips curved slightly and he lowered his bed, he was a bit tired himself.   

Chapter Text

“I really don’t want to be here.”

“I don’t know anyone who says, ‘you know I’d love to be laid up in the hospital’.” Bone shook his head. 

Jim snorted as his friend fussed around his biobed. “The point is I feel ready to be released.”

“Luckily you don’t have a medical degree.”

“Can I at least go and see Spock again? Nothing happened when I did.”

Bones punched at his PADD. “Spock’s been released.”

Jim frowned. “What? You released Spock and not me?”

Bones looked up and smirked. “Phil was Spock’s doctor not me. He felt Spock could be released to his quarters. I feel like you need to stay.”

“Since when is medicine done by how you feel?”

“Stop being a baby. You were attacked by a saber tooth tiger.”

“I was not. Well, I mean, I don’t know what it was, exactly. But it wasn’t a saber tooth,” Jim insisted. He eyed his so-called friend as he came at him with a hypo. “What’s that for?”

“It’s an antibiotic just in case that thing’s claws were poisoned. There was no sign of anything in your bloodstream but there’s all kinds of things out there in the universe we don’t know about so better safe than sorry. This won’t hurt a bit.”

“Ouch!” Jim yelled after Bones stuck him. “I thought you said it wouldn’t hurt.”

“Well, it didn’t hurt me.”

Jim rubbed his arm. “Seriously. When do I get out?”

“Probably tomorrow.”

“Probably?”

“All right, for sure tomorrow,” Bones relented. “Gotta be extra careful with you, you know. I promised your ma I’d take care of her baby boy.”

Jim snorted. “Nobody’s ever called her ma but you. I’m just going crazy in here. Listen, um, I wanted to ask you before, and I definitely know it’s not my business, but are you involved with someone?”

Bones lowered his PADD and put it in a slot in the wall. “Define involved.”

“It’s kind of an awkward story, but I guess when Spock went looking for me the computer told him I was here in sickbay when I wasn’t,” Jim explained.

“Computer glitch?”

Jim shrugged. “Maybe. But coincidentally, when Spock came here, you were, uh, engaged in something he overheard. Or he thought it was you. Vulcan hearing and all. And the two of us thought maybe someone sent him here deliberately so that he could think it was me who you were with.”

To his credit, Bones’ expression gave little away. He didn’t seem particularly embarrassed. Or even that angry.

“That would be hard to pull off I would think. Knowing that I’m engaged in something the exact moment Spock would want to look for you. How would anyone know specifically that was when Spock wanted to know your whereabouts. That would have to be a lot of knowledge to program a ship wide computer to give out that incorrect information at the exact right moment.”

Jim grimaced. “Well, when you put it that way…since when have you become so logical?”

“The Vulcan’s rubbing off me. As for who actually was rubbing off on me,” Bones cracked, “you’re right that’s none of your business. I’m not ready to disclose that information at this time.” Bones stood up straighter. “Captain Pike’s here.”

“Sir!”

Pike smiled as he approached Jim’s bed. “Just relax, Jim. Don’t want you reinjuring anything.”

“I’m fine, sir. I was just talking to Doctor McCoy about when I can be released.”

“Take the time that’s needed to recover,” Pike said. “I have news though. You can stay, Doctor.”

Bones had started to turn away.

“I’ve been to see Spock already. We still aren’t sure exactly what you went through down on that planet surface. One minute you two were there and then you were not. We worked tirelessly to find away to get you back.”

“I never doubted that you would.”

“Unfortunately we may never know exactly what happened down there.”

“Meaning?”

Pike smiled a little. “Starfleet and the Federation have decided to deal with it by not dealing with it. We were ordered to immediately vacate this sector. That planet is off limits to all future exploration.” He paused. “It wouldn’t be the first time they’ve taken that stance, believe me. And part of me agrees. No sense risking our guys on a potentially hostile planet.”

“But sir—”

“Forget it, Lieutenant. That’s an order.”

Jim frowned. “Captain, it’s ensign—"

Pike chuckled. “I know what rank you are, Jim. I put in for a promotion for you immediately after your rescue. It just came through. Congratulations, Jim.”

Jim felt a little elated and a little lightheaded at the same time. “Thank you, sir.”

Pike patted Jim’s forearm. “Follow McCoy’s orders.”

Bones looked smug after Pike had left. “Now you have to listen to me.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Bones crossed his arms. “I’ll have an orderly bring your dinner in shortly.”

“What’s on the menu?”

“Beef tips in gravy with mashed potatoes. Speaking of what we were talking about earlier, how are things between you and pointy-eared?”

“Better I think. A little strange. We haven’t really gotten into, um, too many intimacies. If you know what I mean.”

“Unfortunately.”

Jim laughed. “We kissed. It was weird at first but better later, I mean when we tried again.”

“I think this is way more than I wanted to know.”

“The point is, before all this, I thought we were making progress. And even while we were on that planet we seemed a bit closer.”

Bones frowned. “But not now?”

“I’m confused,” Jim admitted. “I overheard Spock and his mom talking and I was referred to as his friend.”

“Well okay but that’s not so bad.”

“And brother.”

Bones grimaced. “Er.”

“Yeah, so, I really have no clue what to think. I’m going to have to have a talk with him, I guess. I hate to talk.”

Bones arched his brows.

Jim tossed a wadded tissue at him. “About important things. You know emotions and shit.”

“Time to grow up, Peter Pan.”

Jim sighed. “At least since I’m here for another night I can put if off one more day.”

“You’re welcome. I do have other patients. See you in a bit.”

“Wait. Can I have a PADD?”

Bones shook his head but then walked away and returned a few seconds later with a PADD. “What do you want that for?”

“Some research on Vulcan bonds.” And as Bones left him alone, Jim got started.

Chapter Text

Spock was released before Jim.

He speculated there were a few reasons for that. Mostly because as science officer, Captain Pike required his services sooner. But he also speculated Jim’s friend, Leonard McCoy, had influence in keeping Jim in the medbay for a longer period.

He did not resent this as he liked the fact that McCoy was being extra cautious with Jim and Spock was also getting restless staying there himself.

Spock had gone to see Jim when he was released and he was surprised when Jim had been a little…not cold exactly, but definitely more reserved than he had been when they were trapped on the planet together and when he’d come to see Spock while Spock had been speaking with his mother.

He was unable to explain the change and it bothered him.

Unfortunately, Spock had no one he felt he could discuss it with. His current friendship with Nyota was strained. Prior to realizing Jim was his T’hy’la, they’d been developing a romantic relationship, but naturally that had to end when Jim began to serve on the Enterprise. She was not happy about his new found relationship with Jim and their growing closeness and Spock knew Jim had issues with Nyota too.

Spock had casual other friends, but none close enough to discuss personal matters, so he was going to have to figure out what had changed with Jim himself.

But it would have to wait, for now he would concentrate on doing his duty for the Enterprise.

****

Jim was released to his quarters two days later, so when Spock’s duty requirements ended for the day, he made his way to Jim’s quarters.

Logically the best way to understand what their current dynamic was would be to question Jim himself. Though it made him anxious to have this sort of conversation, Spock thought he had no choice.

“Come.”

The door slid open to allow Spock entrance.

Jim was dressed casually, in clothes to sleep in. While he still appeared to be paler in color than was normal for him, Jim looked well.

“Hey Spock.”

“Jim, I have come to talk about us.”

Jim smiled slightly. “Probably a good idea. I have some questions of my own. Sit, Spock. You want something to drink?’

“No, thank you.” Spock took a seat across from Jim.

“Let’s start with what your expectations regarding us.”

Spock frowned. “Expectations? You are my T’hy’la.”

“Which means what? We’re bros?”

“Yes but…”

Jim sighed. “I don’t want to see you as a brother, Spock. That’s—”

“It also means friend.”

“Spock…”

“And lover,” Spock finished softly.

“Ahh.” Jim gave him a brilliant smile. “Don’t you think it’s time we get to that part?”

Chapter Text

Jim could see Spock was flummoxed by what he’d just said. Which on Spock it was a good look.

“I…”

“Look, there’s an old saying on Earth, Spock, and it’s let’s cut to the chase. We’ve been dancing around this since I first got on the Enterprise and you announced to all who would listen that I was your mate.”

“T’hy’la,” Spock murmured.

“Yeah that. And the truth was because of the Uhura thing and us barely knowing each other, and not having positive views of each other at that, I thought we should probably wait to get to know each other before the physical stuff.”

Spock nodded. “It was logical.”

Jim smiled. “See, that’s where this whole thing hit a snag. I’m not logical and never have been, I should have started off with the sexual part. If we weren’t going to be compatible, we’d know it from that.”

“There is more to a relationship than compatibility over intercourse.”

He laughed. “I know. But that’s a good place to start. I’ve done some research on this T’hy’la business and I happen to know there’s some claiming involved.”

Spock blushed. “During my-my time. Should I experience it.”

That gave Jim pause. He frowned. “You might not?”

“I am half-Human so it is not entirely certain.”

“Okay, well, it doesn’t really matter because we aren’t going to wait for that. It’s time to claim me right here, right now.”

Spock blinked. Shifted. “Jim.”

And suddenly his cockiness, so carefully built up in the last few minutes disappeared. Jim bit his lip.

“Unless you don’t want me.”

Spock lowered his gaze and for one heartbreaking moment Jim thought he had his answer. But then Spock’s dark gaze rose and the heat there was startling.

“That is not an issue.”

Jim moistened his lips. “No?”

Spock approached him then, almost like a predator stalking prey, but perhaps that should alarm Jim, but it didn’t. He knew Spock wouldn’t truly hurt him.

Spock’s long fingers hooked into his tank top. “Are these garments important to you?”

Jim’s mind went blank. “Uh.”

Spock didn’t wait for an answer then, and actually tore Jim’s shirt from him. “If you wish to spare the bottoms speak now.” And even as he said it, he scooped Jim up into his arms as though he weighed nothing and carried him to the bed.

“Screw it, I’ll get new pajamas,” Jim declared breathlessly.

He bounced a little on the mattress as Spock tossed him there and then reached for the waistband of his pajama pants to rip them off.

Almost ridiculously turned on, Jim nearly panted as he watched Spock disrobe. His cock jutted out heard between his legs as he knelt on the bed.

“Lubricant?”

Jim couldn’t find words to form so he pointed to a drawer beside his bed and as Spock moved over him to reach the drawer, Jim tackled him until Spock lay on his back beneath Jim.

“Jim—”

“In a minute,” Jim promised. “First I just have to taste this.” He scooted down Spock and drew Spock’s cock into his mouth, sucking it deep within his mouth.

Spock arched up, almost off the bed, but Jim placed a soothing hand on Spock’s thigh to move him back into place as he worked the Vulcan’s cock in and out of his mouth.

“I am not prepared to last,” Spock warned.

“It’s all right. We’ve got plenty of time for other stuff. Right now I want this.”

He continued pleasuring Spock, deep-throating him, until now the only sounds from Spock were guttural moans. Jim brushed his thumb just under Spock’s ball sac and that sent him over the edge, coming into Jim’s mouth.

When Spock desperately tried to pull away, Jim let him go and crawled up to lie beside him.

He smiled. “Good?”

Spock arched an eyebrow, his face flushed. “If it were any better I might not have survived.”

Jim chuckled.

Spock closed his eyes. “When I have recovered, I will…”

Jim leaned into kiss him. “I know. I can’t wait.”

“You will have to.”

He laughed again. “I know. I’m patient.” He moved his hand down to stroke himself. “Well, sorta.”

Spock grabbed the bottle of lube and tossed it at him.

He grinned. “Yep. I will definitely get myself ready.” He squirted some onto his fingers and began to prepare.

Chapter Text

“Wait!”

Spock, who had been watching Jim thrust his own fingers into the hole between his buttocks, was startled by Jim’s sudden exclamation. So startled in fact, he found he could not speak. He merely stared with his mouth open.

That led him to remembering his mother once saying years ago that he would catch flies. He closed his mouth.

Jim bit his lip and withdrew his fingers. “We should probably talk.”

Spock somehow found his voice. “I thought we were preparing to have coitus.”

“We were…are…er not sure I’d use that word, but whatever. About the trial thing.”

Spock knew his mouth hung open again. “What?”

“I know. I just…I don’t want any misunderstandings between us. Having sex is a big step for us. Isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Spock agreed.

Jim nodded. “I sort of read some things, you know I said I researched it.”

“Yes,” Spock said again, drawing out the word.

“And one of those things was that if we have, um, coitus as you called it, we could, er, cause that bond we have to become full active, right?”

He simply nodded this time.

“And if that happened, there would be no going back, so to speak. Or not without a lot of trouble and possible harm.” Jim looked pensive. “And I’m all right with a little pain, you know, if it gets you what you want, which is to end things, if you wanted to—”

“You are rambling,” Spock said quietly.

“Sorry. But I think if the bond fully formed and then afterward one of us decided not to go forward with…” Jim stopped. “It would cause you a lot of pain to have a broken bond.”

Spock suddenly knew what it meant to have one’s stomach in knots. But he tried to remain calm. It was logical to do so.

“I wasn’t aware you were continuing to be uncertain as to our permanent future. Admittedly, I had assumed over the last several days that the matter of our trial run had been settled.”

“Well I…I mean.” Jim sighed.

“You remain uncertain if you would like to make a life with me,” Spock surmised. ”Considering that, you are right to be reluctant to continue coitus between us. I cannot guarantee that the bond would not attempt to fully form our connection.”

“That’s not…” Jim suddenly sat on the edge of the bed, legs dangling. “I’m trying to say I don’t want the trial anymore.”

“You are not doing a very good job of it then.”

“I know. I’m just nervous. Just afraid.”

“Jim, I would not hurt you.”

Jim shook his head. “But that’s just it. You would. I don’t mean physically. If you decided what the hell were you thinking when you thought I was your t’hy’la and you regretted the whole thing, you’d be stuck and miserable. And that would make both of us miserable.” He held up his hand. “And don’t say regrets are illogical.”

“I would not.” Spock gathered his thoughts. “If you recall, when you initially proposed a trial period I was against it.”

“Yeah.”

“It was only after I observed the obvious signs of your reluctance that I agreed.”

“What if I’m not cut out to be a Vulcan’s t’hy’la?”

Spock reached for Jim’s hand and was glad when Jim allowed him to take it. “All of your life you have experienced various degrees of abandonment and the beginnings of our acquaintance hardly reassured you. Likewise, I was coming off a romantic relationship with Nyota where she didn’t understand why I would so abruptly change my attentions to you instead of her and this likely also caused you concern.”

“Yes,” Jim whispered. 

“We barely knew each other when you arrived on the Enterprise and what each of us knew we were not impressed with.”

Jim eyed him. “You seem to be making my point.”

“If you have a point, t’hy’la, I do not know yet what it is,” Spock admitted. “In the many months we have now known each other, through missions, being stranded together, and just general interactions, my affection for you has grown tenfold. Is it not the same for you?”

For the first time in a few minutes, Jim smiled. “I love you. I’m in love with you.”

The knots in Spock’s stomach disappeared and he squeezed Jim’s hand. “I love you as well. You are my brother, friend, and lover, my t’hy’la, my chosen one, yes. But I also have come to love you for who you are. If the bond completes itself because of our joining, rather than having regrets, I will feel joy.”

Jim’s breath shuddered as he moved closer to Spock. Lips almost touching. “You don’t have any doubts?”

“Not even one.”

Jim moved to lie on his back and drew Spock down with him. “Kiss me like you mean it.”

Spock covered Jim’s lips with his, kissing him over and over again until it was as though they breathed as one. He held Jim’s hands up over his head, rubbing their bodies together until Jim moaned helplessly.

“Please, Spock. I want you.”

“Are you…”

‘Yessss.”

Spock sucked in a breath as he lifted Jim’s legs up and around Spock’s waist, tilting his pelvis, and as he pushed in, he let the breath go.

It didn’t take long for either of them to get into a frenzied rhythm, frantic to find release together.

And though Spock wondered if it was the right thing to do, he released one of Jim’s wrists to move his hand to his t’hy’la’s face.

“Jim, may I…”

Jim, whose eyes were closed, opened them and met Spock’s gaze. “Yes, do it.”

With his hand on Jim’s psi points, he melded them and was hit with the powerful rush of both of their releases.

Jim cried out and Spock’s world went dark.  

Chapter Text

Jim came awake suddenly, eyes instantly opening wide. He lay on his back staring up at the ceiling of his quarters. Just for a moment his heart raced, unsure where he was, what was happening. But then slowly, his pulse calmed, warmth filled his mind, and he recognized the warm body lying beside him, still zonked out.

He breathed in deeply, then slowly exhaled. He did it a few more times, using a method he had learned earlier in his life.

The bond he had with Spock felt different, somehow. Where before he could barely feel it was there, now even with Spock out beside him, Jim felt the electric buzz of Spock’s incredible brain. He was guessing with the sex they’d had maybe this was the result.

Unfortunately he had to pee like crazy, so he slipped from the bed, trying not to disturb Spock and went and did his business.

Afterward, he studied his reflection in the mirror. He looked a mess and in need of a shower, with his hair standing straight on end, bite marks and sticky fluid residue on his skin. He winced. Yeah, he could imagine what Captain Pike would say if he went on duty looking like he did. He looked into the bedroom to see Spock was still out, but he wasn’t concerned because he could still feel their bond, so he decided to hit the shower next.

He was just about to get out when the bathroom door opened.

“Jim?”

“Hey. Just getting out, can you hand me that towel?” He opened the shower door and Spock handed him the towel. He gave the Vulcan a quizzical look. “Everything okay?”

“I can feel you,” Spock replied, with wonder in his voice.

Jim smiled. “Same. That’s not a problem, is it?”

“Negative. I am just…surprised by the strength of our connection.”

“Isn’t that normal for bonded pairs?”

Spock shrugged slightly. “I do not know what is normal as you are the only one I have ever been bonded with and you being my T’hy’la is also unusual. I do not believe any current Vulcan has experience with that sort of bond.”

“Gotcha.” Jim wrapped the towel around his waist after drying off. “That…well the sex…it was incredible.”

“Mind blowing you might say,” Spock agreed.

He laughed. “I think we passed out.”

“Yes.” Spock smiled slightly. “I contacted the captain and Doctor McCoy. We have been allowed another twenty-four hours of duty free recovery time.”

“That’s excellent. We can continue the honeymoon.”

Spock quirked a brow. “Vulcans do not do honeymoons but I understand the reference. I would like to shower, and then perhaps we can go to the mess and have breakfast. You must be hungry.”

“I’m starved actually. And that sounds great. Shower's all yours.”

He gave Spock a quick kiss and then left the bathroom to get dressed.

****

  “You know what I’d like to know?” Jim asked his…well…technically his husband he guessed…but that was still really weird so his…Spock. He waved his spoon as he spoke and then stabbed it into his oatmeal. “Who is our enemy?”

Spock paused over his bowl of cut-up oddly colored fruit. “Enemy?”

“Right before we got stuck on that planet from hell. You remember? You were trying to locate me and the computer told you I was in the medbay right while Bones was…” Jim paused and winced. “Bumping uglies with someone.”

Spock blinked at him. “Bumping…never mind. I do recall. It did seem as though someone wished for me to believe that it was you with Doctor McCoy.”

“Exactly. And then getting stranded on that planet and injured, we sort of forgot all about it. But I’ve been thinking about it all morning.”

“If it was done deliberately, it would have to be someone with the knowledge to program the computer.”

“Oh it was deliberate,” Jim assured him. “Knowledge of the ship’s communication computer anyway.” He gave Spock a pointed look.

Spock leaned back in his chair. “You are accusing Nyota of the action?”

“Accusing is a stronger term than I’d go for. But she could do it and she has the motive.”

“What motive?”

Jim rolled his eyes and took a few more bites of his oatmeal. Then he washed that down with a sip of coffee. “You, Spock. You’re the motive.”

“I do not understand.”

“Prior to your discovering I’m the love of your life—” Jim paused to wink – “you were in a relationship with her where I’m pretty sure she expected it to be long-lasting and serious.”

Spock nodded. “I do not dispute that, however, before the two of us decided to fully accept our T’hy’la bond, Nyota had accepted that it was you I was going to be with. I don’t see how she would have a motive given that.”

“But she did know that we were on a trial basis, right? So maybe she thought if you thought I was doing Bones on the side, you would decide the trial wasn’t working and end things between us.”

“That is mere speculation of a motive that I am unsure she would have.”

“Yeah, I agree. It is. And I’m not saying she’s guilty. I’m just failing to see what reason anyone else would have to mess with us, you know?”

Spock seemed to contemplate that. “I can think of no one at the moment either, but I also do not believe Nyota would do something like that. I am willing to speak with her about it though.”

“How will you do that? ‘Hey, Ny, did you try to make me think Jim was getting it on with McCoy in the medbay?’”

“I believe a direct approach is best,” Spock replied.

Jim sighed. “I’ll leave your girlfriend to you then.”

“She is not…”

“I know. And it's better for you to talk to her anyway. Either way she isn’t going to take kindly to me bursting in accusing her. I have to talk to Bones about it, too. I don’t know why he’d be doing that in the medbay, that’s kid of gross, but I’m going to have to man up and see what he was doing and with whom.”

“He is liable to tell you it is none of your business.”

“It’s not,” Jim agreed. “But I’ll talk to him anyway. After our honeymoon, of course. When we’re done with breakfast, we’re getting back to it.”

“On that, we are agreed.”

Chapter Text

Eventually duty called and both Spock and Jim found it was time to return to duty.

Jim was more reluctant about it then Spock. He kept finding reasons to linger in their quarter even though, logically, he knew they must report.

“All right, I guess I can’t put off letting you go any longer,” Jim said with a crooked grin as his fingers slipped into the collar of Spock’s tunic a though it needed straightening. It did not of course.

“You will see me once our shifts are over and I have had a chance to speak with Nyota.”

Jim nodded. “I know.”

“When do you plan to speak with McCoy?”

He sighed and stepped back. “I don’t know. I won’t say I’m dreading it but…well, yeah, I’m dreading it.”

“He is your closest friend, Jim. I do not imagine he will be offended by the query.”

“I might be though,” Jim joked. “Anyway, listen, before you go.”

“Jim.”

“I know, I know. I really will be brief this time. I just wanted to say I’m really happy we’re in a good place now. That we’re together and want to be and that we agree not to let anyone interfere with that.”

Spock nodded. “Indeed.”

“And whatever that-that Wizard of Oz planet was that we got stranded on together, I think, maybe, it did us a lot of favors. It brought us to where we are, I think.”

“Perhaps,” Spock allowed. “But given I had to witness you being attacked by a vicious creature there I will refrain from agreeing it was a positive experience.”

Jim laughed. “Yeah, okay. I just really wanted to say that I love you again.”

Spock’s lips twitched. “And my feelings have not changed since I told you in the shower this morning.”

“Good.” Jim kissed him. “Okay. Commander Sweetheart. Have a good day.”

“Lieutenant Kirk.”

And Spock finally departed their quarters to report for duty.

****

If Spock had expected an ordinary day of exploration on the Enterprise, he’d been sadly mistaken. It had been anything but ordinary.

A few hours into his shift they’d been attacked by a Romulan Bird of Prey, and while, ultimately, the Enterprise had successfully repelled it with only minor damage done to one nacelle and two decks, there had been injuries and even one casualty.

The doors to Sickbay slid open as Spock approached and he stepped inside. The first member of the medical staff he encountered was the CMO, Phillip Boyce.

“Doctor—”

Boyce jerked his thumb to the right. “That way. Bed three.”

Jim was sitting up in the biobed, a bandage across his forehead. He had a small bowl of what looked like custard cradled in his hands and he was smiling at a pretty brunette nurse.

“Spock!”

The nurse turned to Spock. “Commander. I was told you were on your way. Lieutenant Kirk’s going to be just fine. He has a slight concussion and a small cut on his forehead. When things calm down in here, we’ll regenerate the skin there.”

“They’re super busy,” Jim explained.

“I would imagine so.”

She turned back to Jim. “You eat that and then rest after the commander leaves.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

After her departure, Spock moved closer to Jim’s bed.

“Apparently I cannot leave you alone.”

“It was just a minor thing.”

“I was told you were thrown into the bulkhead.”

“Mm. With hardly any momentum. And I have a hard head.”

Spock gave him a severe look. “You barely got out of Sickbay and now you are back.”

“I won’t make a habit of it, I promise.” Jim smiled and reached for his hand. “Glad to see you’re all right.”

“Okay, Jim, we’re…” McCoy stopped and looked at their entwined hands. “Oh.”

“My husband’s here,” Jim told him with a grin.

McCoy rolled his eyes. “I’m here to fix your head. Well, the cut. I don’t think I can actually fix that head of yours.”

“Lots have tried, all failed,” Jim cracked.

“No surprise there.” He shot Spock a look. “With the concussion we’re keeping him overnight. He’ll be released tomorrow morning.”

“Overnight?” Jim exclaimed. “Wasn’t it a slight concussion?”

“We want to observe you. You hit that wall pretty hard.”

Spock arched a brow at Jim, who slouched down and blushed.

“Very well, Doctor. I will return in the morning to retrieve him.”

“Good. See you.” And Doctor McCoy waved his fingers at Spock to leave.

“Goodnight, Jim.”

Spock left Sickbay and made his way to Nyota’s quarters. He had requested to see her after he went to Sickbay and she had agreed to receive him.

“Enter,” she called when he reached her quarters. “Hey, Spock.” She smiled. “You want tea?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“Sit down.” Nyota gestured to her sitting area sofa. “How’s Kirk?”

“Minor concussion. He will be released in the morning.”

She nodded and brought over a teapot with two cups. She poured them each one and then took her seat beside him.

“So?”

“Nyota, I view you with the utmost respect and affection.”

“Cut the crap. What’s going on?”

“It is not, in fact, crap,” Spock replied. “I speak the truth.”

“I know. I care about you, too, Spock. Despite everything that’s happened.” She set down her teacup on the nearest table and shook her head. “But I won’t lie. It hurt. I thought we were building something, Spock. Something important. And then you were throwing me aside for someone you barely tolerated.”

“I recognize how it was from your point of view. When we embarked on a romantic relationship, I intended to be engaged to the fullest extent.”

“Then what changed?”

“Jim.”

Nyota sighed, then grimaced. “He touched you in the transporter room and you recognized your T’hy’la bond.”

“Yes.”

“And you couldn’t just ignore it.”

“No.”

“Or have it severed.”

Spock exhaled. “I did not want to. That sort of connection is rare even for Vulcans. And if I could make it work with Jim, then I had to try.”

She picked her tea up once more and took a sip. “And you made it work.”

“Yes.”

“And if you hadn’t?”

“I would have explored the possibility of severing the bond. I do not know what the consequences of a severing would have done though. It has never been done to my knowledge.”

“But now you don’t have to even think about it. Do you…he loves you?”

“Yes. And I return his affection,” Spock said gently.

“Okay.”

Now came the really hard part, Spock thought.

“Prior to our being stranded together an attempt was made to…sow discord in our developing relationship.”

Nyota frowned. “What sort of discord?”

He hesitated. “Someone altered the computer to falsify Jim’s location when I asked for it. I was informed he was in Sickbay and when I arrived I overheard what was plainly an intimate situation between a member of the medical staff and an unknown party,” Spock said, carefully.

“And you think that someone set you up to believe this unknown party was Kirk.”

“Yes.”

She seemed contemplative for a moment but then her eyes widened. “Wait. You’re bringing this up because you think I did it?”

“I do not.”

Her lips thinned. “But Kirk thinks so.”

“He raised the possibility,” Spock acknowledged. “I advised I would speak to you about it.”

“Well, it damn well was not me,” Nyota insisted, angrily. “I am sure as hell not that pathetic that I would resort to some underhanded trickery just to keep a man. Even you, Spock.”

He opened his mouth.

“I don’t know who did it or why, but I can assure you it wasn’t me and you two can go fuck yourselves.”

“Nyota.”

“Well, really. I can’t believe you’d think that of me.”

“I did not. Not really. But we have to explore all possibilities. The truth is I have no idea what happened or why. But it didn’t work.”

“Hm. Though you don’t really deserve my help, I can try to figure out who reprogrammed the computer that day. I can get Monty to help me.”

“Monty? You mean Mr. Scott?”

She smirked. “Yes, that’s who I mean.” She shook her head. “Want something to eat? Are you hungry? I’ll replicate dinner and you can tell me what you know.”

“Very well,” Spock agreed. He gave her his food order and they settled down to consider the possibilities.

Chapter Text

“That was a good workout, Bones,” Jim told his friend as they approached McCoy’s quarters. They’d spent a good hour in the ship’s gym. “Thanks for that.”

Jim had decided to shower in the quarters he now shared with Spock, so he still wore a sweat towel wrapped around his neck as he stopped beside his friend’s rooms.

“You got a minute, Bones?”

Bones frowned slightly but opened his door. “Come on in.”

Jim followed his friend inside and took a seat in the small sitting room. Bones handed him a glass of water.

“What’s on your mind?”

“This thing with Spock.”

“There’s a thing? I thought you two were getting along now and all lovey-dovey.”

“I don’t think lovey-dovey will ever describe Spock but we are getting along fine. This is about…the incident. Or almost incident.” He looked pointedly at his friend, hoping McCoy would get it without him having to spell it out.

Sure enough Bones stared blankly at him. Deliberately obtuse then.

He sighed. “When Spock was led to believe by the computer that I was in sickbay at the same time you were, uh, you know.”

“Oh.” Bones reddened. “Now see here, Jim, that’s none of your business.”

“Believe me I don’t want to know. I mean, yeah, sorta, but I’m mostly happy to let you keep your, er, indiscretions to yourself.”

“Okay.”

“But really, in the middle of sickbay?”

His friend glared. “None of that was planned. We got carried away.”

“But how did someone know you’d be getting carried away anyway?”

“I really don’t want to discuss this,” Bones insisted.

“I know, but it’s important. I don’t need to know the particulars.”

McCoy sighed. “It wasn’t the first time we got carried away. Listen, I know it’s not exactly smart, but it might have happened two or three times, and I guess it’s possible someone found out.”

Jim nodded. “Okay. So let’s go with that. Someone other than you and your partner found out and decided to use that against me and Spock. So they reprogrammed the computer that day to tell Spock I was there. Spock arrives, hears the damaging evidence, is supposed to assume the worst, and then…I throw a wrench in it by walking up to Spock outside sickbay.”

“Were you supposed to be somewhere in particular at that time?” Bones asked. “Because one would assume the perp thought you would be somewhere else so you wouldn’t come along to ruin their plan.”

“True,” Jim said, excitedly. He leaned forward. “I was supposed to have a meeting with Captain Pike about the planet we were about to go to but something came up and he canceled that meeting.”

“So it had to be someone who knew you were supposed to meet with Pike,” Bones pointed out. “What’s the point of doing all this anyway?”

Jim shrugged. “To end our relationship, I think. That would be something unforgiveable to Spock. He checked with Uhura and it wasn’t her. Spock believes her.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah, I do. She’s going to get Scotty’s help to see if they can figure out who would have programmed the computer to give false information. And you know for a while I thought it might be someone who didn’t want me to be with Spock.”

“But that isn’t it?” Bones asked, surprised.

“It’s someone who doesn’t want Spock to be with me.”

“And the difference would be?”

“This is related to Spock, Bones. I feel it. Whoever is behind all that doesn’t care at all who I’m with as long as it isn’t Spock.”

“So if it isn’t Uhura who is it then?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s a Vulcan thing. They don’t want him to be with a stupid Human.”

“Well, all right, but then why didn’t they try that sort of thing when he was with Uhura?”

Jim sighed. “I don’t know. They were never really serious. Maybe they realized she wasn’t ever going to be important enough to Spock to be his mate or something.”

“Ouch.”

Jim gave him an exasperated look. “But with me, because we have that special bond, I’m not as easily dismissed. Bones, are there any other Vulcans on board?”

“Not that I know of. Boyce has the full passenger list, but I’m pretty sure I’d know, probably you would too.”

“Unless they were disguised.”

Bones snorted. “A disguised Vulcan?”

“Look, my mom told me she was on a ship where there was a Klingon masquerading as a Human. He was a spy. He had been altered to look fully Human. Even his boss, who he’d worked with for quite a while, had no idea that he wasn’t exactly who he said he was.  The only reason they finally found him out was that a tribble outed him.”

Bones coughed. “A what? He was outed by a tribble?”

“Apparently they aren’t fond of Klingons and vice versa. The point here, Bones, is it’s possible. Just because we don’t know any other Vulcans on board doesn’t mean one isn’t hiding in plain sight.”

His friend shook his head. “Sounds far-fetched.”

“Maybe.”

“And why would they care about Spock being with a Human? He’s half himself.”

“I don’t know. It’s just a theory. Something is…Bones, do you smell that?” Jim sniffed.

“Smell what?”

The smell, sickening sweet suddenly became a lot stronger. Jim stood.

“That! You smell that?”

“I sure do.”

They both looked around and then Jim spotted a fog or mist coming from a vent in Bones’ quarters.

“Bones!”

Bones rushed to open the door. “Jim, it’s stuck. Computer, McCoy Code 14349, Open this door.”

“The door cannot be opened at this time,” the Computer announced.

“Computer, Override Code 86457.”

“Code is not recognized.”

“Shit.” Jim started coughing as looked around for something to block the vent. He took out his communicator. “Kirk to Spock. Kirk to Spock.”

There was no answer.

“Fuck.” He coughed harder.

Bones was on the floor trying to push furniture in front or the vent but it wasn’t stopping it.

“Kirk to Captain Pike. Captain, McCoy’s quarters. Emergency. Emergency.”

Jim sank to his knees as Bones reached out for him.    

Chapter Text

It hurt to breathe. To open his eyes. His body…wracked with pain. He shot up to sit up.

“No. Lie down. Do not fight.”

Jim recognized the voice, but he drifted back under, unconscious once more.

When next he opened his eyes he couldn’t turn his head. He stared up at a plain ceiling with a single light. He blinked.

He was restrained.

“I couldn’t let you hurt yourself so I had to restrain you.”

“Doctor Boyce?”

“That’s right. Good.” Boyce, an older man white-haired man appear over him. “I’m going to remove the neck brace.”

Jim waited as Boyce’s hands came at his neck and then a moment later the neck restraint was removed and set aside. Jim was able to turn his head. His head hurt though.

“Bones?”

“McCoy is here too. In another bed in sickbay. He’s going to be fine. Just like you are.”

“What…” Jim croaked, swallowed.

“Hold on. Here.” A wet swap was stroked across his lips. Boyce had him open his mouth and then the inside of his mouth was swabbed too.

“What happened?”

“Somebody poisoned you and Leonard,” Boyce replied. “Piped it into the ventilation system. Fortunately you were able to contact Captain Pike and security was alerted. Only just in time. Weird stuff too. Made you both combative.”

Jim frowned. “Combative?”

“You fought security who came to rescue you and them medical staff here.” Boyce smiled slightly. “Me included.” He pointed to a bruise by his jaw.

“Did I do that?”

“No, that was Leonard. While we worked on you we found it necessary to put on the restraints. Commander Spock managed to calm you down enough to get you to lie down so we could put on the restraints and treat you.”

“Spock,” Jim whispered. “He was here before.”

“Yep. Anyway, we’ve stabilized you both, you aren’t in immediate danger anymore but we are monitoring you. You’re getting fluids, but no food until we known exactly what we’re dealing with.”

“So it’s still in my system?”

Boyce shrugged. “Don’t think so. But we’re being cautious. Never seen anything like this before. Now, I am going to notify the captain and Commander Spock you’re awake and coherent. Then I’ll be back to remove your other restraints.”

Jim nodded. “Okay, thanks.”

A few minutes later a nurse with dark hair appeared. Jim couldn’t remember her name but he’d seen her a time or two. He couldn’t help but wonder if she was Bones’ partner.

She smiled at him. “I’ve come to undo your restraints.”

“How’s Bones…Leonard?”

“He’s doing fine. Grumbling, of course.” She laughed as she reached to undo the restraints on his wrists and then his ankles. “I’m sure you’ll have visitors in just a few minutes. Need anything?”

Jim shook his head and she moved away.

He must have drifted off or something because the next time he opened his eyes, Number One, Pike’s first officer, stood over him, peering down at him.

“Oh. Hi. Um. Commander.”

“How are you feeling, Lieutenant?”

“All right, I guess. Under the circumstances.”

“Indeed. You are lucky to be alive.”

Jim smiled slightly. “That’s what Doctor Boyce told me. So the captain knows I’m awake?”

“Of course. Unfortunately, he is otherwise occupied and he sent me in his stead. Is there anything you can tell me about the attack?”

“Not really. Bones and I, er, Doctor McCoy, had gone into his quarters to discuss something after we’d worked out at the gym. We’d been talking for a few minutes when I smelled something sweet, which must have been the gas as it first came into his quarters. I tried contacting Spock.”

“And why did you contact Commander Spock before Captain Pike or Security?”

“Well.” Jim frowned. “Because we’re in a relationship. He was the first one I thought of.”

“I see. Continue.”

“Spock didn’t respond, so then, as I was weakening, I contacted Captain Pike.”

“And you have no idea who it was or why you were targeted?” she asked.

“No.”

“Very well, I will make my report.”

“You spoke with Bones, I mean McCoy?”

“Of course. No helpful information was provided.”

“Is Spock coming to see me?”

Number One stared at him. She looked very severe and cold in that moment. It sent a shiver up his spine.

“No, Mister Kirk. He is not.”

“Why?”

“Because you will be coming with me.”

“Coming with—”

She raised her hand to his shoulder and he saw some kind of device in her hand.

“Wait! What—”

She injected it into his arm.

Chapter Text

While it was certainly a relief to know that Jim was awake and talking and likely to make a recover, per the notification from Doctor Boyce, Spock still couldn’t entirely tamp down the anxiety that continued to plague him.

Someone had tried to kill Jim.

They had escalated from trying to end the relationship between Spock and Jim to homicide. Attempted though it might be, the intention was quite clear.

Unfortunately, so far Nyota had not been able to determine any information.

“Whoever they are,” she had informed Spock, “they are very good. They covered their tracks exceptionally well. You two have made a powerful enemy.”

“Enemy?” Spock had questioned.

Nyota had shrugged. “What else would you call them?”

This had all been before Spock learned what happened to Jim and McCoy in McCoy’s quarters. Now Spock knew Nyota had been quite correct.

“Relax, Spock,” Captain Pike spoke from beside him as they walked to sickbay to see Jim. “Everything will be all right.”

Spock glanced his way. “I wish I had your certainty.”

On the other side of him, Number One said, “We already have our best security officers looking into this, Commander. Whoever it is, and they are on this ship, they will not get away. They will come to justice.”

Spock made no reply as he knew sometimes obtaining justice was a failure.

The doors of the sickbay swished open and they entered.

A dark-haired nurse greeted them with a smile.

“Back already, Commander?”

For a moment, Spock thought she meant him and he opened his mouth on a reply, but he quickly noted her gaze was fixated on the first officer.

“I have not been here for some hours, since McCoy and Kirk were first brought in,” she said, coolly.

The nurse frowned. “That’s not true, Commander. You were just in to see Lieutenant Kirk less than ten minutes ago.”

Number One looked taken aback. “You are mistaken.”

“But—”

Boyce came out from the left side of the entryway, wiping his hands on a cloth. “Captain, Commanders. Here to see my patients, I assume. They are both doing well under the circumstances. I’ll bring you to Mister Kirk.”

The nurse continued to give them all a strange look but didn’t argue further as they passed her by and entered further into the sickbay.

“Mister Kirk is just over…here.” Boyce stopped at an empty biobed. “Jenkins!”

The dark-haired nurse walked over. “Doctor?”

“Where is Kirk? Did you send him for tests?”

“Well, he’s right…” She stopped, frowned. “He was here only a moment ago.”

Spock’s heart began to rest and he felt lightheaded. “Captain—”

Pike held up his hand. “Just a moment, Spock. Phil, what’s going on here? Where is Jim?”

“I don’t know,” Boyce admitted. “Jenkins check the rest of the sickbay immediately.”

“Captain, I recommend notifying security immediately,” Number One said.

Pike nodded. “Do it.”

Jenkins and Boyce moved away. So did Number One.

Spock felt dizzy.

“You have a mental link with Jim, don’t you? Sense anything?” Pike asked.

Spock tried to do just that. Reach out to his mate to learn…anything. But it was silent. Jim was silent. It was an unnerving silence. When Jim had been unconscious after the poisoning, Spock could still sense him along their link, He could not now.

“No.”

Boyce came rushing back in, followed quickly by McCoy, still wearing a hospital gown.

“Jim’s nowhere in sickbay,” Bones told them. “There’s no sign of him.”

“Nurse Jenkins insists that Number One was here only moments ago to see him,” Boyce told Pike.

Pike shook his head. “That’s impossible, Phil. Una was with me on the bridge until we came here to see Jim. She never left my sight.”

“I can confirm what the Captain says,” Spock said quietly. “I was on the bridge too and she did not leave until the three of us came here together.”

Boyce frowned. “What does it mean?”

Number One walked in. “Security has been alerted, Captain.” She hesitated, looking at Spock. “So far there is no sign of Lieutenant Kirk. “

“No sign?” McCoy demanded.

“No life signs of him on the Enterprise.” She turned back to Pike. “If what Nurse Jenkins says is true, sir, then an imposter was onboard. Likely one that abducted Lieutenant Kirk.”

“Hell,” Pike muttered.

“Furthermore, it is likely someone has been onboard the ship for a significant period of time that can shapeshift to appear to be whoever they need to be at that time.”

“A Changeling? Here?” Pike wondered.

Number One shrugged. “It could explain what Jenkins saw.”

“I want this ship locked down, red alert. Every crew member’s mission is to find Jim Kirk.”

“Aye, sir.”

“If Jim’s still on this ship, Spock, we’ll find him,” Pike assured Spock.

“And if he is not and has been taken somewhere?”

“We will find him and there will be hell to pay.”