Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"YES!" I shout in excitement, pure glee written all over my face as my fingers start flying over the keyboard. I had an epiphany on how to start this particular story while writing in my diary. Looking around my room, clothing clutter everywhere, and random projects that I had started but given up on halfway through, I felt deep down that this was the start of a big change in my life. If I had known what would happen later that night I might have regretted those thoughts.

Moving my brown locks out of my eyes, I couldn't keep the giddy smile off of my face. At least something today would go right, I thought, the story I had in my mind for the past couple of months finally coming to life and by my own hands no less.

I took the time in between hashing out my character's reactions and feeling to contemplate the fact I would be finally doing something I've always wanted to do, craft my story, abet not using original characters I didn't consider myself THAT creative after all. Anything could happen in a story whether acted out on the big screen or in the form of a young girl's thoughts and emotions. It was this aspect that had always drawn me to books and movies, specifically works of fiction where one's world's impossibility was another version of normal.

Finally finished with chapter one of what I knew in my heart would be a masterpiece, I glanced down at the time in the corner of my laptop. The time 11:58 was displayed. "Aw shit, why is it so lateee, noooooo my precious sleep." Silently bemoaning my lost sleep, I pushed my laptop off to the side of my full bed making just enough room to lie down.

Settling down under my favorite blanket, I drifted off to sleep with my music blasting in my ears like every night, uncaring to the fact I would most likely have to unwrap my headphones from my neck come morning. If only I had known that would be the least of my worries, as I would be wrapped up in something far more dangerous than a pair of headphones...

Chapter Text

Drifting off to sleep is easy, something simple that happens whether I like it or not usually. Waking up is a challenge. It is a struggle to lift the veil of dreams and grogginess, to command my lead-filled limbs to move through my daily routine. Not today though, an unusual occurrence that should have warned me that something was off in the first place.

I shoot up from my bed-no not my bed- looking around and suddenly realizing that not only was I not on my bed, but these are also not my bare off white wall, this is not my chipped white door, this is not my room. As soon as my mind processes this information I am thrown into a panic, frantic to figure out what has just happened. Coinciding at the same time I can feel the needle and other instruments connected to me. Looking over to an IV and heart monitor, I begin to wonder what the hell happened as I take in more of the room.

It is very obviously a hospital room, I can see the nurses and visitors milling about. I try to get up and notice my chest and shoulders hurt, not the kind of hurt that comes from activity and exercise. Even more puzzled about what in the world could have happened, but unable to remember anything I reach for the call button.
Hearing the beep and seeing the blinking red light, I relax slightly.

A nurse suddenly appears in my line of vision, waking me out of my light nap. "Miss? How are you feeling? Any pain?"

"Just some pain in my chest and shoulders, but I reallyyyy need to go to the bathroom." I smile sheepishly.

"Let me call in the doctor to check you over so I can remove the IV and let you do that Honey."

"Ummm…before you do that can you tell me why I am here please, I don't really remember how I ended up here." As I say this the nurse starts to show concern on her face which makes me feel a sense of panic.

" Oh god, what happened, please, Oh God, Oh God, Oh goddddd please what happened to me,"

The breath starts leaving my body rapidly, I can tell I am starting to disassociate myself from this situation and I can do nothing to stop it. It still doesn't stop me from hyperventilating.

"Miss please, I need you to calm down. You are OKAY, just try to take some deep breaths."

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

It's not until I stop hyperventilating that I can register the doctor in the room, it seems like he was trying to speak to me. "..st Breath. Ms. Gilbert, can you hear me ?"

"I'm okay, just please tell me what happened. I need to know." I whisper dreading the worst, not even realizing the doctor didn't call me by my name.

" I'm sorry Ms. Gilbert, but yesterday night you and your parents were found in a car crash, having gone over Wickery bridge and been submerged underwater.

Somehow you were able to get on shore but we kept you on observation as you were found unconscious. Do you remember any of this ?"

What. the. Fuck. " I don't remember anything, the last thing I remember is falling asleep. Where are my Parents?" I ask in a meek voice, feeling I know exactly where they are based on what He had said. "They didn't make it"

I Break.

Chapter Text

Damn was that weird dream. I open my eyes and find myself still there.

Fuck.

Realizing the impossibility of this being a dream now leaves me with only one other option.

Kidnapping. Yup. As I start to recall my conversation with the doctor and what he said, I realize a lot doesn't add up. My parents aren't even together so there's no way they would be caught dead anywhere near each other.

Not only that but he called me by a completely different name. Did he mix me up with another patient? That's a huge fucking mix up if so. I can imagine people suing for less. The thing that alarmed me the most is my eyesight. I needed glasses to see and read far away for the past couple of years. At this moment I was able to read the patient board in front of me, and I'm pretty sure I was at the ten in terms of freaked out.

Okay, great eyesight. What's next, my hair's blonde?

For some reason the mere thought just threw me in a wild panic, checking myself over to see if anything else had changed. Still had ten toes and fingers, same hair color and length, all appendages and things in place, definitely still a woman. The only change I could see at the moment from where I was sitting was that my skin was a darker shade, unlike my usual never going in the sunshade. I was no longer attached to an IV and the many machines I once was, finally allowing me to go to the bathroom in peace.

As I wash my hands I look into the mirror and see, well not me. I whirled around double-checking no one else was here with me. Staring into the mirror is the fucking vampire diaries chick. I grab at my face and see her mimicking me, I realized that IS me. I am Her now.

Holy shit.

Feeling my wet hands on my face shakes me out of my daze, I turn off the faucet and dry my hands on a paper towel. Walking out of the bathroom and oh shit it's the family. The panic must have registered on my face because Aunt Jenna ? stands up from where she and the brother are sitting and approaches me. She carefully embraces me and whispers into my hair.

" I'm so sorry Elena." That's right, Her name is Elena. I am Elena now. Thinking of it brings tears to my eyes.

Tears turn into crying until I'm full-on sobbing into her shoulder as she cries with me. I hear Elena's brother start to cry too, still sitting in that cramped chair. Breaking out of Jenna's embrace, I kneel down in front of him. Gently I cradle his face in my hands and look into his eyes. He looks so much like my brothers it hurt to my very core. And yet despite the hurt, I embrace him. No matter how this happened I could not ignore someone in pain, the loss echoed through me and resonated inside me. So I held on and cried for those long gone and recently departed, for the loss of my own identity. All I could focus on was the faint scent of detergent and perfume, the feel of fabric against my skin, the heartbreak of a lost family.

After an innumerable amount of time, we were interrupted by the doctor walking through the door. Pulling away from my new brother and Jenna, who had joined us at some point, I focused my full attention on him. " I'm sorry to interrupt but I need to check you over in order to release you."

" Oh thank god, I can't wait to get into some actual clothes." I sighed in relief, anything would be better than this weird hospital gown, not even the comfy socks could make up for it. I hopped back onto the bed and let the doctor make sure everything was in order. " It seems you're in working order, I'm just going to prescribe some pain medication for your pain and you are free to go with your family after the paperwork is done processing. Be sure to come back if the pain becomes worse or anything else comes up." He then makes out my prescription and leaves, telling me I'll be able to pick it up at the pharmacy.

I hop off the bed as soon as the doctor walks out the door. Jenna starts to fumble with a bag next to my bed. " Elena I brought some clothes for you to change into, figured you would want to get out of the hospital gown as soon as possible." I thanked her and grabbed a hold of the bag, scurried to the bathroom. Looking through the plastic bag I saw just some jeans, a shirt, and some converse along with the unmentionables. Putting on the clothes, in the back of my head I contemplate if I could get some new clothes.

I walk out of the bathroom, and ask aunt Jenna, "So does this mean we can finally go home now?" The mention of home seems to bring back the bone-deep grief we all feel, although they wouldn't know mine was for a different reason. I grab Jeremy's hand, needing something to ground me, to remind me this is real. I can feel the warmth of his skin, his pulse in his wrist, and know that even if I wanted to, I can no longer ignore my situation.

Jenna and Jeremy lead me to a gray SUV, the whole time I never let go of his hand. I just watched the cars pass by and the scenery as we drove to where I now lived. I didn't even notice we had stopped until Jeremy started tugging on my hand gesturing to where Jenna was opening the door. We got out of the car and walked through the threshold. It looked exactly like the show. Jeremy walks up the stairs and I follow, still holding on.

Standing in front of his room, he turns to me hesitantly. Finally, he mutters, " Do you want to sleep with me? I don't .. um I don't want to leave you alone, Lena." He looks down as if afraid of rejection. I squeezed his hand and just nodded. We lay down next to each other and all I can do is stare at the ceiling. I don't understand what happened that brought me here, and I thank god that my terrible coping when something tragic and stressful happens is to internalize it and shove it deep inside me. If I were not like that I don't know how I could cope with what is happening right now. I still hold onto Jeremy, like he is my lifeline...

Chapter Text

Darkness is what I wake up to. Jeremy is snoring next to me still so it must be pretty early in the morning. I try to slowly detach myself from him so I can empty my bladder. As soon as I am free I realized I have no idea where the bathroom is or just about anything. Bathroom first, everything else second. I fumble my way through the dark and almost tripped more times than I would like to admit until my eyes adjusted. I finally make it out of Jermey's death trap of a room and attach myself to the wall. Sliding forward, one hand on the wall and the other in front of me I can see the faint outline of what is hopefully the bathroom door. Instead, I opened the door to another bedroom.

From the doorway, I can see what looks like the outline of a lamp. Finally able to turn on the light I can see who's room I'm in. Elena's. All I can see are pictures and mementos of a girl who's life is now mine. Elena with her parents, her friends, her family. So many little mementos that make up the experiences of her life. All that's left of her and I'm the only one who knows.

Having enough of taking a stroll through a dead girl room, I leave. The conjoined bathroom between their rooms should have been obvious, but I didn't really remember the layout from a show I watched so long ago. Hell, I could barely remember what I ate a day ago sometimes. And sometimes I could recall things with unusual clarity. Just overall pretty unpredictable what I would remember.

After I was done with my business. I figured I should go back into Elena's room, snoop around a bit, even if it feels unreal. It never felt like I was fully in reality anyway. Too much daydreaming and reading and imaging. Too many things going on all at once and then at the same time nothing. This is not going to go well, especially with the way I think.

I find her diary in the most obvious place ever, under her pillow. I skim through the pages, it's just gossip and little spats and such. Nothing really meaningful, just regular teen things. That was to be expected though as really she was just a regular teen. There were no crazy vampires and witches and creatures better left in storybooks.

I wish this was all some elaborate dream, but I am definitely awake now. I've had some pretty elaborate dreams but time also passes differently. There is never such detail and can never remember them. All I can do is speculate about what happened and that wouldn't help anyone.

A diary would be helpful to record things in and also help keep the facade of being Elena. I wouldn't be able to be anything like she was past or future her. But I could probably get away with it from grief. Not that it wouldn't be real. I can't let myself dwell on that now, maybe when I know my life won't constantly be at risk now.
There were just too many unknowns and what-ifs that not even taking into account that I found a laptop on her desk. I haven't tried to break the password as the date had rattled me enough. May 25, 2018. I know for a fact that the Vampire Diaries was supposed to start in like 2009 so what the fuck. That was just so weird, I didn't even know where to start. Everything was just so overwhelming, I tried to figure out one problem and five more pop up.

And now my stomach is begging for food, great. I guess that's my signal to start exploring the house. Good thing the sun is starting to come up, so I don't need to rely on my shitty eyesight to maneuver in the dark. I leave the light on in the room, figuring that I am going to come back to it anyway.

The dim amount of light allows me to see the hallway, and turning left shows me the stair and the rest of the rooms in the house. The layout is a lot different here than I thought it would be but I guess I don't remember enough of the show to recall if they ever showed the upstairs really. The placement of the stairs seems kinda odd but I guess this is just where I live now. Good old Virginia. Probably way different then the Sunny California I'm used to. Then again even this body is kinda different then what I'm used to. Gotta focus on food before I end up having a breakdown, yayyyyy.

I slowly walk down the stairs and to my left is a dining room. I feel slightly more confident knowing that the kitchen is literally straight when you walk into the house. I don't look closely at the Two, fucking two living rooms what the hell. I aim straight for the cabinets, trying to see if they have any type of snacks or granola bars or anything I don't need to cook.

I find the wonderful granola bar, thank the heavens, and everything else cause I have definitely not eaten in a while. Now that most of my brain isn't solely focused on food I can think a little clearer now. First of all as much as I don't want to run headlong into danger I need to at least try and check if some things from the show check out or not. But before even that I need to get into Elena's laptop. Since we're in the golden age of technology and now all the way back in 2009 it'll be a lot easier to search through history and such. And to also look up myself.

I need to know If I even exist here and the people around me are okay. Which will definitely be weird if I'm alive but probably even weirder if I'm dead or something. It not like things aren't strange with the dates anyway considering I from fucking 2020, its now 2018, and this whole show is supposed to be in 2009. So really everything is just fucked. At least pop tarts are still a thing.

I notice the sunlight starting to fill the room and hear noise from above. "Elena?"

Oh crap and now I have to figure out what's going to happen with Jeremy and Jenna. Grieve with them. That's probably the least I can do right now since I'm stuck here and I know how difficult this is going to be for them. Three family members gone..

Chapter Text

After that first night things seem to pass in a gray blur with little moments of calm and almost peace. The funeral was very unpleasant, so many people tried to talk to us and offer things. In fact if anything this whole summer I have been fending off people who just want to take advantage of us in different ways. I didn't realize that Founding family also means old money to go along with it.

So whenever I could interfere I did. Jenna and Jeremy really didn't deserve to go through that at all. I also figured since there's probably no way to reverse what happened that my priory would be their health and safety. Which also reminds me , I was dead apparently.

I had been able to break into Elena's laptop, her password was Matt's birthday , definitely not surprising. I looked myself up and found that I had died on the same day Elena and her parents had. The news said it was a tragic accident, a fun outing at the beach that led to me missing. Lost at sea I guess. It's not something I really think about since I found out because she wasn't the real me, just this world's version of me. Just so strange to think about.

Anyway I had decided to follow the diary writing ways , so I started trying to document days and people and things that come up I would need to remember. Which also reminds me I need a planner to write down basic school things. After all, even if everyday is uncertain I still want to graduate. I feel like there's so many things I need to do, so that means a list. Oh god I am no good when overwhelmed I just lay around cause everything is too much.

Okay so mini freak out over. I really did need to prioritize things as in a list. And since we live in the age of technology, what better way to document things then in a hardcover diary. No one really does that anymore except for prepubescent girls. The only time I even attempted to do that was also when I was on the edge of teenhood , and then again when I was finally able to seek help.

So I know that Jer was supposed to become reliant on some sort of drug and Vicki Donovan. I had absolutely prevented that by being clingy as hell. Wherever he went so did I , and wherever I went I dragged Jer along with me. It also came with the added benefit of grieving together. I had even started opening up to him, telling him things I never thought I would be able to tell someone else. I had even confided in him that I would do anything to protect him , that he and Jenna were all that I had left now. I was more surprised than I should have been when Jeremy told me he would do the same too, protect me.

I just laughed it off even if he was so serious at the time. " You're my little brother Jer, that's not your job. Just do you best with what you have, and we will make mom and dad proud" I remember that conversation so clearly , the determination in his eyes. In fact after that Jer had asked to be signed up for defense classes. Ever since it seems like he's really growing up. He found new friends from those classes , and it was really good for him.

Meanwhile Jenna had been stressing and grieving on what to do now. She was in charge of two teens and lost her sister and brother in law. We were all grieving, But thankfully they had heath outlets. I really don't, but hey at least I'm writing out some things. That's semi healthy.

My phone's vibrations pull me out of my recollections quickly. I look and see it from too many people I don't know. The only names I even recognize are Bonnie, Caroline, and Matt. I quickly send a text to Bonnie and Caroline to reassure them that no, I don't need them to come over I just need time to myself still. Lets see how long that holds up. I read what Matt had sent me and grimaced.

If there was one thing I have always been completely clueless about it was how to interact and navigate relationships. Which is to say I have no idea what I'm doing when I'm attempting to fend off all Elena's friends. Sure they are respecting my wants right now but soon I think I'm going to be getting visitors who actually get past the front door. Which is also why I am grateful that most of them have summer commitments, so I still have time to figure things out.

Matt was still someone I needed to confront. It was obvious from his text that Elena hadn't broken up with him that night. Even if I wanted to try a relationship with him it was wrong. I am not the girl he thinks he's dating. The life Elena lived means anyone close to her is in danger. I can't put more people in danger than I already have.

I spend most of my summer plotting. If this was some ideal world where I was quick witted then I would have easily solved the human interaction problem. I could have very well faked long term amnesia even if it would have been depressing for everyone to go through. Trauma is a very easy excuse for just about any change in personality though.

In reality I realize this is kinda like the loading point of a video game. The filler before the main event. The part people skip over to get to the good part. And really I use to do the same thing, so what can I say without being a hypocrite. I can say the filler is a lot different when you're living it. All you will ever see is drama and adventure , exciting times that we live in. The show never showed the bone-deep grief, the funerals, the moments where you just exist with another person and live through the day. It has been my job to get Jeremy and Jenna through each day. Put one foot in front of the other, make them eat, exercise, try to breathe some life back into the detached.

Ding-Dong

Oh what the fuck. I guess I had less time than I thought before confronting someone from Elena's contact list. Taking a deep breath I stand up from the couch, and immediately fall back down. My leg fucking fell asleep.

So while I'm viciously beating up my leg, Jeremy comes down stairs because the doorbell was ringing continuously after the first couple of seconds it rang. I swear vengeance against whoever ripped me from my slow path to insanity as I regain feeling in my leg. Just in time to witnes Matt fucking Donavon walk into my peace in quiet. I want to say so many swear words but my brain can't really do that and think of something not rude to say at the same time.

"Matt?" I'm really confused as to why he is here right now, didn't he just text me not too long ago?

He walks closer to me , hesitation written all over his face. "Elena", he just barely breathes out continuing to slowly approach me.

"Matt what are you doing here ?" I try not to look scared but the way he's approaching me unnerves me, it makes me want to run.

"Elena I just couldn't stay away any longer. I'm so sorry about what happened to your mom and dad but why are you pushing me away? I've been trying to give you the space you need , but baby I can help you. Why won't you just understand that ?"

At first Matt sounds so sweet but as his little speech goes on he continues to sound more aggressive and frustrated. I realize at this moment I don't really know the true character of these people.

On edge, I bolt up from my place on the couch and walk towards the kitchen. Trying to brush off what he just said, I reply plainly. "I needed time for myself Matt, I still need time. And I've decided that also means we need to break-up." I let out a deep sigh , pained to be doing this. Unfortunately for me, Matt erases my guilt with his next actions.

"Come on baby, don't be like that. You and me can still have some fun." He grins weirdly and starts trying to grab me. I avoid his touch, backing up, and feel pissed. It's obvious at this point what his intentions have been.

"Get the fuck out Matt. Right now." I tell him coldly. Seeing as I won't budge on the matter he attempts to forcefully start making out with me. Backing me into the corner of the kitchen there's nowhere to go. Naturally the moment his lips touch mine I reach for something on the counter and break it over his head.

After that everything had obviously devolved into chaos. The police had been called and now I had a restraining order against Donovan.

Now I was finally fleshing out my plans, and blocking out all of today's events.

In essence my plans looked like this: ride out the awkward interactions and put school second. Obviously Jenna and Jeremy are number one priority. School plans are to use my slight leg up to actually try this time around in my classes. If needed, change to advanced classes for usable excuses. Wait till Damon comes around to steal moonstone and amulet. I am not leaving that shit anywhere, if I get taken it's coming with me. Although I will try to smash it with a hammer, that would be kinda cathartic not gonna lie. And best of all, ignore my mounting trauma.

I kinda feel like I am forgetting something. Oh that's right , school…

Chapter Text

I had meant to get a nice 8 hour sleep in preparation for hell. Instead my body decided it wanted to rise with the damn sun. At least it gave me more time to prepare. Or more like convince myself I’ll get ready soon until it's too late and now I only have 5 mins to get ready. Fuck my life. At least I had reminded Jenna about her thesis appointment.

“Jeremy come on, we're going to be late.”

“ Oh yeah and who’s fault is that , Elena.” Jeremy shouts from upstairs.

I hear him run down the stairs as I frantically butter my toast. I stuff it in my mouth and almost choke. The coffeemaker started pouring into Jer’s hydro, and I nearly tripped over my feet trying to grab it. I see him walk towards the kitchen and I throw the keys at him.

“ Just get in the car and start it , I’ll be there in a few.”

He just nods and rushes outside. I screw the lid on the hydro and grab the lunch I made Jer. Right before I close the door I spray a disinfectant on it. One that has vervain. It really isn’t hard to find that plant. I mean it's not like it's commonly sold in this world , but I’m literally in the hometown of the Original vampires. If there is one place their weakness would grow it would be here. I just went on a short hike with Jenna and Jer in the summer, figuring that we should all get outside for a little and basically got a two for one deal out of it. I would say it’s main character luck but considering where I am it just makes sense.

I lock the door from inside and sprint pathetically to the driver side of the car. Just because I actually went outside doesn’t mean I build up any kind of physical endurance. Unfortunately. Over the summer I had figured out how to drive around town, all the popular spots I don’t want to hang out at but may be doomed to see often. I threw Jeremy his food and put the car in drive. Thankfully the car drive was a lot more peaceful then Elena’s in the pilot. No mysterious animals trying to commit suicide via my car. I pull into the school parking lot and take a deep breath.

“All right Jer, remember, I love you, try to do well in class, and don’t get into any fights without me little brother.” I tell him playfully, only partially serious about that last bit.

“ Yes Elena, I’ll see you later, You’re going to be soo late for class. Sucker.”

Jeremy sprints away from my car with that last comment, I half heartedly yell after him.

“ You little jerk!”
I watch him retreat with fondness, thinking of how much better Jeremy is doing. He was changed for sure from the death of our-his- parents, but it makes me hopeful for the future that I have been able to change him for the better. My train of thought is interrupted by the warning bell. I finally leave my car, halfway grateful for being late. It meant I wouldn’t be stared at as much by everyone. Considering how popular I had become in these past couple of months it was no surprise that as soon as I stepped onto campus people noticed.

I grabbed a crumpled paper out of my back pocket and scanned it. Looking at my schedule reminds me of what was supposed to happen today. What my future may hold. I will admit that after the incident with Matt I was wary of running into any of Elena’s friends. It had been a hassle fending them off but thank god for Aunt Jenna. She had refused them every time, even asking me at one point if I wanted to be homeschooled. I figured that I would brave the high school, even if I didn’t want to. It was safer for me there, even if I was the only one who knew that.

I’m admittedly surprised to see so many AP’s on my list. Since it’s such a small school I figured there wouldn’t be many or even any advanced courses. All I can say that for someone so smart I’m surprised she acted so dumb in the show at time. Ap in every damn subject , including French. Maybe my first stop would be to the office, before Ap history. It’s not like I’ll have to follow Jeremy to the bathroom this time. Could I actually make it the entire day without encountering any of the main characters?

I rush to the Main office, seeing as I still have time till class and no idea where said class was at. I say hi to the lady in the Main Office, asking if I can speak to a counselor about my schedule quickly. She gestures to an open office door, speaking on the phone with someone. In a matter of a couple of mins I am able to rearrange my entire schedule, adding Ap biology and getting rid of French.

Before I leave the office the bell rings. I am late. Of course. I backtrack a bit into the counselor's room and ask for a pass, sheepish. Now finally on my way to class I feel strangely nervous. I’ve always felt comfortable among large crowds but for some reason at school I have always felt more than a little uncomfortable. Considering all that I don’t know about the people around me, I feel I can be justified in being nervous.

Not quite looking in front of me, as I see the classroom door I trip. Before I can smash in my face I feel someone catch me. Having been returned to the ground so suddenly I tried to steady myself and accidentally grabbed onto whoever had saved me. The instance I do I feel as though I can’t breathe and I see the night Elena died dance across my eyelids. The night I Died. I could feel the impact of the car, as it went off the bridge. I can taste my fear, the moment of free falling as the car plummets into the water. I can feel everything. I’m stuck in that moment for a lifetime. Just when I hope it’s over, I realize how wrong I was. All of my memories flash before my eyes.

All of them. I see myself having play dates and meeting Jeremy for the first time, his body so tiny and fragile. I remember going to middle school and then high school, the warm California weather. I see myself with my first love and then the scene is switched out with Matt. I can see my parents, all of them. I can feel the water on my skin, but then it’s in my throat and I can’t breath. I pass out. First day’s … are

Chapter Text

Fuck hospitals . Seriously I thought being a part of  the supernatural meant I wouldn't be visiting this place so often. I know I used to want to be a doctor eventually because that's what my dad, what Grayson, did. I won't deny that whatever happened to me had my mind a little muddled right now. I literally had 17 years worth of memories shoved into my brain in what felt like an instant. Which is exactly what happened and why I passed out, but does explain how it even happened. 

I stop staring at the ceiling while contemplating what happened. What the fuck happened?

Maybe it had something to do with the doppelgangers? It really could be anything considering nothing of this nature had been covered in the series. As frustrating as not knowing is it would have to be put on the backburner. 

“Elena?”

Before he had even finished saying my name I was staring into his eyes. They sucked me into memories of being alone, but never lonely. Of belonging and floating for what seemed like forever. Of wonderful, calming moments in the water. I looked away before I could be dragged into the darker parts that are lurking there, hidden. 

Sitting up, I manage to stutter out,” Um, Hi?” 

“ Hi, i’m sorry I’ve just been waiting for you to wake up since you basically fainted in my arms. I’m Stefan.” When he mentions how I passed out, I grimace. What a way to start my first day. When my single brain cell finally understands what he told me, I look around. 

“Oh thank god I’m not in the hospital! Aunt Jenna and Jer wouldn’t let me go to school again if I ended up in the hospital on the first day!” I tousle my hair and look at my lap, avoiding Stefan’s gaze. 

“ Thank you so much for preventing me from further brain damage, my two brain cells can barely cope as it is.” I smile at him, deciding since I’m already fucked there's no harm with being myself. Hell maybe if I just act like I usually do Stefan may leave me alone.

Unfortunately for me he seems to like funny, chuckling at my jokes. Well I’m fairly positive unless I act like Katherine or murder someone Stefan will still be my stalker. Oh shit he's talking to me and I have no idea what he said.

“Um sorry, I spaced out for a bit there, what was that ?”

He laughed again, something that would normally irritate me but seeing his smile makes me want to do something to see it again. Stefan Is already an attractive guy but knowing his story and seeing him in person makes me feel like I’ve been gifted with something rare at this moment.

“I asked if you’re feeling better now?”

Still a little dazed, I reply, "OH, yeah I think I can finally manage to go to class.”  I paused, mulling over the decision I came upon as soon as I saw his smile. “ Hey Stefan, you’re new here right? I mean I’ve never seen you around before and it’s not a big town.” Looking up at him , I start studying the plains of his face as he responds. 

“Yeah I am, I was born in Mystic Falls but it's been a while since I have been in town.”

“Oh, well if you need any help I have a friend who i’m sure would be really eager to help you out, she’s apart of the welcoming committee. "I smile and hope he would take he offer, but from the shy grin on his face I have a feeling that not what's going to happen right now.

“Actually, I was hoping you would be able to help me around school. Maybe even around town?” He looked down at me and dear god do I understand how easy it was for just about everyone to fall for him. If I keep getting lost when he looks at me this is going to be a big problem.

“Oh umm,” Say no damn it, “Yeah sure, if that's what you're comfortable with.” You damn simp.

“Great ! Well we should probably get to class. I have history right now.” He checks over the schedule in his hand to confirm that, and looks towards me, waiting for me to tell him my next class. I finally hop off of the tiny bed and realize how tall he is compared to me. Trying not to do something stupid I take out my schedule from my back pockets and tear it in half. I silently curse life in my head and read the paper. 

“Um , I also have History, with Tanner. So I guess we're going the same way!”

Stefan picks up my bag.  When I look up to ask for it back , he starts speaking again.

“We actually have the same class, it'll be nice to have a friend in the class.” He smiles at me again and I'm a goner. Have I changed things so drastically already or was Stefan usually like this with Elena and the audience just never got to see it?

We walk down the hallway leading to Tanners class. It’s strange that I know exactly where it is without having to look at a map. What's more important to me is that I can see how much of a creep Tanner is to his students. I have a feeling the encounter with Matt wasn’t going to be only one where I encounter something from the darker sides of humanity. 

Elena being a bit naive wouldn’t have recognized his gazes and looks for what they really were, other than understanding it was making her kind of uncomfortable. Remembering some rumors Elena had heard the previous year made so much more sense now. I felt like with every supernatural problem I was thinking about, I needed to be more worried about humans in this town at the moment. 

I had expected most of what I knew to stay the same but I should have known better. The plot points and events stayed somewhat similar, but as I have to keep reminding myself, this is real. This three-dimensional , physical world I was breathing and thinking in. Even without all the mythical beings lurking around, how could I forget the real monsters … are sometimes human.

Chapter Text

My tendency to space out might get me killed one day as the day just passed me by. I couldn't focus in any of my class, not that it mattered as we did not go over anything important. I wouldn't have called myself stupid, but the amount of Aps Elena had taken alone had me feeling a little out of my depth when it came to these classes. The idea that everyone could graduate while barely going to class seemed way more plausible when actually looking at my diary and past work. Maybe in a different life Elena would have become a writer instead of a doctor.

So far the only thing I have written down in my planner is stick figures and ideas of what I should do next. A good majority of my plans didn't really include the Salvatores so that needed to be resolved. Sure, I had them in mind when writing a lot of what may happen, but none of my plans actually seemed to have anything if they interfered, which was a large oversight. To be fair I wasn't even sure if they were real.

I have no idea how I managed to avoid Caroline and Bonnie for the entire day but I had, even at lunch. But that was mostly because during lunch I was with Jer outside with his friend. Maybe that sounds really lame but none of them seemed to mind. It was nice to see them mess around, it almost put me at peace. These are the moments I wanted to cherish for as long as I could, the small moments I was soon going to be fighting for.

"Lena, why is that guy staring at you?" Jer quirked an eyebrow at me, motioning over to Stefan who quickly looked away.

I blushed, and then shook away any gushy thoughts about Stefan.

"He's just a new student, I showed him to his first couple of classes and offered to help if he needed anything. His name is Stefan."

Jeremy wiggled his eyebrows at me. "Oooo So Stefan huh. He will have to get through me first to court my, " I glare at him, my eyes promising pain." my very lovely and scary sister." Jer says as he backs away into the car. I roll my eyes at his antics and get into the car, but not before I get a last look at where Stefan was. He was gone. Pff, dramatic?

After a couple of hours of mindlessly surfing the web, I decided to make a battle plan. I feel like that's all I've been doing since I woke up here, processing, planning, getting new information, more planning. At this point I do have a general idea of what I wanted to do. And to do it I finally need to confront my friends. So, I muster up the courage to call Caroline and brace for impact.

The first thing I hear is a loud squeal and Caroline starts babbling off excitedly.

"I'm so glad you finally reached out to us Elena, you know Bonnie said to give you as much time as you need but you were for sure missed and dearly needed at Cheer camp this summer, if Bonnie didn't stop me, I would have come to drag you out of the house so many times over the summer but Now it doesn't matter because you called!"

The longer Caroline went on the more relaxed I became; I had really missed my best friends.

"Hi Care, sorry it's been so long. I just needed time with my family, but I should have let you and Bonnie in too during the summer. Do you forgive me?" By the end of my sentence my voice had cracked a little, my vision getting a little blurry as I tried to not get choked up.

"Of course we forgive you Elena, now what do you think, wanna meet us at the Grill like old times?" I could hear the grin in Bonnie's voice as she replied, tears slowly rolling down my cheeks as I nod rapidly, then realizing they can't see me, respond.

"I'll see you guys there right now, promise."

After hanging up I wipe my face, then change into some actual clothes for the outside since I wasn't dressed for the colder winds at the moment, almost forgetting to bring an extra jacket just in case.

It's amazing the number of memories and little things I am unconsciously remembering as I drive to the Grill. The park where I played as a child, the sidewalk where I knocked out my tooth, so many small things. As I pull in I belatedly remember something pretty fucking important. Does Donaven work here? I feel frozen as the thought brings to the forefront so many memories of hanging at the Grill after school. All of them seem to kind of meld together and with it brings the knowledge that Matt wasn't always such a piece of shit.

I tuck away that piece of information in the back of my mind as I see Bonnie and Caroline approaching my car. Turning off the car I try to smoothly hop out da whip, and almost fall on my face on the way out. It seems my knight in shining armor is not immune to the Plot.

He chuckles a little as he helps me steady myself, staring intensely at my face as I try to avoid his eyes.

"We have to stop meeting like this."

Stefan lets me go and as I finally meet his eyes I'm tackled by my friends and inevitably we all tumble into the grass. Laughing as I pull grass out of my hair, I admire my best friends. The image I had of them in my head and how we used to look over the years blur for a second until it all sort of clicks into place.

"Fuck my head" I murmured as I clench my eyes closed, the flashing images and memories overwhelming me. I can vaguely register the fact Bonnie and Caroline are hovering over me, Stefan kneeling in front of me trying to get a response from me. The vague memories almost slot into place and fade, causing me to release my tight grip on my hair and open my eyes. Looking into those green eyes, I wonder if the blue in his eyes was always there.

"Are you okay?" Feeling all eyes on me I just nod and stand, slightly embarrassed to have another episode in front of Stefan.

"You're right, we do need to stop meeting like this."

This gets a small smile out of him before the questions begin.

" Sooo, how do you guys know each other, especially since we've only just met," Caroline starts getting into her interrogation mode. I can already tell I'm going to be grilled for all Information about Stefan, but slightly grateful we all decided to ignore what happened. Bonnie gives me an apologetic look as I start to open my mouth to reply.

"I accidentally ran into her today while trying to find my classes, Elena ended up helping me find my way around the school." I silently thank him in my head for not telling them I passed out.

"Why don't we all go inside and hang, it's starting to get darker out here."

I feel a sense of deja vu walking through the doors of the Grill. I have all these little association and memories but also the feeling of having seen this place for the first time. Ever since this morning it feels like everything just brings up memories that are foreign to me but I'm slowly starting to feel like they are mine.

Caroline jumps at the opportunity to sit next to Stefan, while I was both relieved and some other weird mix of emotions I am absolutely refusing to identify. Trying to brush off this weird development, I focus on the conversation going on around me, registering Bonnie's voice.

"So why Mystic Falls?" My eyes darted to Stefan, realizing the interrogation had already started when I spaced out. It was already getting me into trouble.

"I was born here. I missed it and felt the need to go back to my roots." We make eye contact and I realize sitting across from Stefan is probably just as distracting as sitting next to him. I think everyone at the table can feel the energy sparking between us, as Caroline interjects with another question.

"Parents?" "They died when I was younger."

The table goes quiet, and the previous fun energy is sucked away with that sentence. Yikes, say something people.

"I'm really sorry, that's terrible." The words come out of my mouth unbiddenly. The stares me and Stefan share this time are ones of grief, and deep sadness. I want to say something more, something better, but Caroline bulldozes her way back into the conversation.

"What about other family? Siblings?"

Stefan has a sort of unconscious grimace on his face before he responds. "None that I talk to, I live with my great-uncle right now."

Caroline clearly wants to continue her interrogation, but the loud bang of the front doors swinging open draws all eyes towards the front. It seems as though the villain of the hour has arrived.