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The color of the sun isn’t yellow, it’s white. And it aggravates me to no end that we all accepted this idea and drew our crafty suns in an ugly yellow color with tacky sunglasses, to add.
If I’m being honest, I’m not angry about the color of the sun. I’m angry about the lack of sun coming my way. I’ve traded the life of sunny beaches, sun-kissed skin, and endless great weather in California to plain, uneventful weather in Salt Lake City, Utah.
My mother had met Dennis Caswell on some dating site she had me create for her. Of course, I am an advocate for my mother’s happiness. I wanted her to find someone that made her happy, however, someone within the vicinity of Santa Barbara, California would’ve been a lot more convenient!
It had always been just the two of us since I can remember. We were always that fun, witty mother-daughter duo—much to the likes of Lorelai and Rory Gilmore (Season 1-Season 3, to be more specific). We had always been rather close, and we rarely fought.
That is, until she became engaged to Dennis Caswell and we had to pack up our life in Santa Barbara to some boring house in boring Salt Lake City. It all happened so fast. One minute, it was just my mom and I, and the next I had a stepdad and even a stepsister.
The wedding had been in Santa Barbara. It was small and intimate. I was happy for my mom. I am! Dennis is a really nice, dorky guy. I knew even then that he’s the guy meant to give my mom the happiness she deserves. His daughter isn’t so bad, either. Ashlyn is really sweet, kind, and I can tell she’s excited to have a sister. I am, too. Just…not here.
Maybe I’m being a little bit of a brat over this whole move, but I’m well within my right to be! I can’t surf with my friends anymore, I can’t live purely in crop tops and ripped shorts anymore, and I can’t practically live on the beach and feel the sand beneath my feet or the smell of the salty ocean. It’s gone. That part of my life is gone.
So yeah, the color of the sun isn’t yellow, it’s white.
I can’t be an optimist about a disgustingly bright and happy color.
____________________
I groan when the door to my new bedroom creaks open and Ashlyn peeks her head in. I sink my head further into my pillow—I’d live in it, if I could. The summer weather in Salt Lake City wasn’t all that exciting. It was uneventful, much like every other day had been since I got here. I didn’t make an attempt to explore it. There wasn’t much to see, so I might as well space it out accordingly.
“Gina?” Ashlyn half-whispers, half-yells.
I let out a groan and throw the covers over my head.
“So you are listening, okay!” Ashlyn nods. “Mom and dad—mostly your mom—are not gonna let the whole becoming a recluse thing slide for you, so you gotta tag along with me today.” Ashlyn sounds a bit apologetic over it, which I appreciate.
I lift my head up and rub my eyes. “Where are you going?” I mumble.
“I’m actually going to a lake two hours away with some friends!” Ashlyn chirps in an optimistic tone. Suddenly I miss the apologetic tone from a few moments before. “I know it’s nothing compared to your Californian beaches, but it’ll be a ton of a fun. I promise!” Ashlyn smiles. “We’re leaving in an hour, okay? We’re going with EJ after he picks up two other friends.”
I sigh and nod to Ashlyn. “Okay.” I breathe out, forcing myself out of bed and getting ready for this stupid, forced outing.
I walk down to the kitchen where my mom’s on her laptop and sipping on a cup of coffee.
“If this is your way of finally trying out parenting on me, you’re about sixteen years too late.” I speak up as I open a cabinet and take out a bowl to eat cereal in.
My mom lets out a dramatic sigh and shakes her head. “Apparently I need to do that if I expect you to get anywhere in life.” My mom holds an amused smile on her face, and I can’t help but smile back.
This whole teasing thing? It’s always been our thing.
“But mom, we’re aiming for beach bum that works at a surf’s shop.” I retort easily. “It’s why you went down the whole ‘be my daughter’s best friend’ route.”
“Yeah, but you’re nowhere near a beach now, so at least I’m doing one parenting thing right and tearing away all your hopes and dreams—including beach bum.”
I hum. “Mom of the year award goes to…”
She chuckles. “In all seriousness…you do need to get out there and embrace this new adventure we got going on.”
I scrunch up my nose. “The most exciting thing I’ve seen since our move here is watching paint dry…and it wasn’t even in this house, so.”
“Give it a chance, Gina.” My mom walks over to me and plants a tender kiss on the side of my head. “Salt Lake City could surprise you.”
“Am I going to see something else dry for a change?” I ask in a fake, optimistic tone. Similar to Ashlyn’s tone minutes earlier.
“That’s proof you need to get out of this house, kid.” My mom laughs as we continue our witty banter until I hear an obnoxious amount of honks coming from outside.
E.J.
He’s a self-absorbed idiot with good intentions. He’s okay, I guess.
“Well…adventure awaits!” I exclaim sarcastically as my mom waves Ashlyn and I off as we walk out the door.
Once we entered the car, E.J quickly lets out a loud holler. “GINARINA!” he exclaims. “Ready for some lake action?”
“Sure.” I nod as I settle in the car.
“Oh, by the way!” E.J. gestures to two gangly-looking guys whose only distinction would be their hair. One has red hair and the other I can’t tell because he’s wearing a yellow baseball cap. “These are our buds, Big Red and Howie!”
I nod to them and they nod back.
“You’re Ashlyn’s Cali stepsister!” Big Red exclaims.
I nod again. “That would be me.”
“Are the beaches as great as they say?” Big Red asked.
“Let’s just say…going to the lake sounds like your backyard being left with the hose running.” I smile smugly.
Howie snorts. I guess he was amused by my commentary.
Big Red stares at me with a confused expression on his face. “But lakes are bigger than a hose?”
Howie smiles at Big Red and pats his thigh. “You’re right, Red.”
As E.J. drives off, I curse to myself. “I forgot my sunglasses.” I mumble to myself.
“Oh! You can borrow mine!” Howie offers as he hands me a pair of yellow-framed sunglasses.
I take them and force a smile on my face despite the hideous color. “Thanks.”
“For sure!” He nods to me before focusing his attention back to Big Red.
I put on the sunglasses and stare out the window as everyone else engages in avid conversations. I’m not here to make friends. I’m not here for anything. I’m just here to pass time.
____________________
Apparently, two friends aren’t enough for E.J. and Ashlyn. They have more of them.
There’s Seb and Carlos who have been a couple since their freshman year of high school. and I can tell by the way they cling to each other. There’s Kourtney, who definitely appears to have planned out her outfit the night before. It is stunning. And Ashlyn thinks so too with the way she refuses to stop sneaking glances at her.
“Where is she?” Ashlyn speaks up after the awkward introductions.
“You know Nini. She always runs off somewhere, but she’ll come back.” Carlos shrugs.
What kind of name was Nini?
“You make her sound like she’s a dog.” Ashlyn chuckles, shaking her head. “She’s not, by the way.” Ashlyn turns to me. “She’s just—”
“Spacey. Permanently stuck in the clouds. Turned us into involuntary babysitters…” Carlos trails off as Seb smacks his arm playfully. “In a good way!” he adds in defense.
“Nini’s great, though.” Ashlyn assures. Like I gave a shit about this Nini girl.
I find myself engaging in more conversation with Carlos who seems to be the only person here with the same sardonic humor as myself, but even he winds up ditching me to spend some time splashing around with his significant other, Seb, in the lake.
Eventually, I’m alone as the group of friends splash around and play on the lake despite their constant attempts at getting me to join them. The water looks painfully boring. It doesn’t compare to the splashing waves I use to spend hours surfing in…
And the sand beneath my feet? It isn’t nearly as warm as the sand back home—well, what use to be my home? This is my life now.
It was just like the waves, or lack thereof, at the lake. Uneventful, boring, stagnant…
With a sigh, I use my finger to make a circle in the sand and then lines coming out of the sun. Ironically enough, the thing I’ve complained about most I find myself drawing.
“It needs sunglasses.” A soft voice speaks up behind me.
I jump in fright and turn around to see a wide-eyed brunette girl standing behind me in a mustard yellow corduroy jacket (which was odd, considering the summer weather) and a yellow-polka dot bikini top.
“Counterproductive.” I reply easily.
The girl tilts her head in confusion.
“It’s counterproductive for the sun to need sunglasses since it’s the one making the brightness.” I continue.
She shrugs. “Maybe it just wants to look cool.” She says. “At least give the sun a face.” She pauses. “Or is that counterproductive?”
I shrug in return. “You can make a face, I guess.”
“Mkay.” The girl settles next to me and leans forward to make a simple smiley face on the sand-made sun. Her eyebrows even furrow in concentration as she makes it—like it’s such an important task she’s been given. “I’m Nini, by the way.” She adds, adding eyebrows to the face.
Ah, so this was the infamous Nini that Carlos and Ashlyn had mentioned earlier. I can definitely sense the spacey-ness.
“Gina.” I say simply.
“Moonie’s sister?”
“Uh, yeah?”
Nini chuckles. “Sorry, Ashlyn’s sister? Her middle name is Moon, so I just call her Moonie. It fits her better.”
“Oh.”
Nini finishes adding a face to the sand-made sun and turns to me. “You don’t talk much.”
“I don’t have much to say, I guess.”
“You were pretty quick to defend the sun, though. So maybe you do.” Nini retorts with a smile.
“Maybe.” I shrug again.
“What’s on your mind right now?” Nini asks.
I find myself blushing. “Uh…just wondering why you’re even talking to me.”
“I just wanted you to make your sun a little brighter.” Nini says simply as she stands up.
“Oh.” I raise an eyebrow. “Cool.”
Nini nods. “I’m gonna go swim for a bit.” Nini takes off her corduroy jacket and places it next to me. “Are you gonna jump in?”
“I’ll pass.”
“Mkay.” Nini smiles softly as she starts walking towards the water, but then stops and turns back around and walks back to me. “Quick question!”
I raise an eyebrow at her. “Okay?”
“Is yellow your favorite color?” Nini gives me a bright grin. I can even sense the excitement coming from her. I kind of feel bad imagining trashing the color yellow to her, so I just nod.
“You’re right.”
Nini beams. “I knew it! It’s the glasses.” She leans forward to tap the glasses. “And you drawing the sun!”
I don’t even argue that the color of the sun is white, not yellow. I just let Nini keep smiling with excitement because she discovered that we both have the same favorite color.
____________________
Nini is definitely odd. I don’t really know how else to describe her. She’s obsessed with the color yellow and finds so much weird excitement over us allegedly having the same favorite color. I don’t have the heart to tell her I didn’t have a favorite color. Not since our day at the lake.
I haven’t seen much of her since then, but Ashlyn tells me that Nini told everyone that we share the same favorite color. It’s a little amusing.
Once again, my mom forces me to come out of the house, but we reach a deal and I just sit out on the front porch of the house. I sit on the porch swing with untouched book resting on my thighs as I stare out at the disappointing view. All I see are other boring houses with the occasional boring person passing by. I let out a heavy sigh as I toss the book to the side of me. Sitting outside is getting boring, so maybe I could walk a block or two. I have nothing to lose, anyways.
I start walking a few blocks. There really isn’t anything exciting to see. I just see some familiar looking neighbors outside their yards or the occasional car passing by. It isn’t until I reach another block that I hear a soft, sweet singing voice. It’s nice. Beautiful, even. I find myself following it until I reach the house with an occupant wearing a yellow corduroy jacket and yellow rainboots.
So goodbye yellow brick road
Where the dogs of society howl, Nini sings as she plants a colorful assortment of flowers at the front of her house.
You can't plant me in your penthouse
I'm going back to my plough
Back to the howling old owl in the woods
Hunting the horny back toad
Oh I've finally decided my future lies
Beyond the yellow brick road, Nini’s voice lingers in my head for a few moments before Nini turns around and smiles when she sees it’s me.
“Gina! Hi!” Nini exclaims, getting up from her kneeled position to walk up to me. “What’re you doing here?”
“Oh, I was…just in the neighborhood.” I shrug. “I heard singing and followed it. You sing great, by the way.” I smile awkwardly.
“Thanks!” Nini blushes. “Wanna help? I just finished planting flowers out front and I’m going to the backyard to plant some more flowers.”
I barely know Nini, but I find it very difficult to say no to her.
“Sure.” I shrug. “So you have a green thumb?” I ask, trying to make small talk.
“It’s actually the color of dirt right now.” Nini answers as she picks up some gardening tools, taking a moment to look at her dirty hands.
“No, I mean…do you like gardening?” I clarify.
“Oh!” Nini chuckles. “Yeah, I do. My grandma use to live with us when I was younger and loves gardening. She’s more into growing vegetables and all, though. I cover the flower portion.” Nini tells me as we walk through a gate and into Nini’s backyard. It feels like walking into a sort of fairy garden. There’s a ton of flowers planted all over the backyard—some in flower pots and some planted on the ground, but it doesn’t look messy. It’s a weird, organized chaos with a rainbow assortment of flowers that I can’t classify. They’re pretty, and that’s all I know.
There’s also a lemon tree. I’m not entirely surprised given the obvious indication that Nini is obsessed with the color yellow.
Nini walks over to an empty space with an assortment of flowers ready to be planted beside it. “Have you ever planted a flower before?” Nini asks.
I shake my head.
Nini hums. “Everyone needs to know what it feels like to plant a flower.” She muses.
I raise an eyebrow. “Why?” They were just flowers. I couldn’t see the big deal about them other than the fact that they were pretty.
“Because…” Nini trails off in thought. “It feels like you’re giving a home to a flower. They spent all this time waiting for a place to put down roots and now they do. And it’s because of you. It’s a nice role to be in when it comes to the story of a flower.”
I hum. Interesting. I hadn’t thought of that analogy before.
“So you want me to help a flower put down roots?” I ask.
“Only if you want to.” Nini looks over at me with a smile. I take advantage of the moment and take in how Nini looks. She’s pretty, even when she has smudges of dirt on her cheeks. “It’s a big role to have.”
“I’ll try my best.”
Nini takes the time to explain how to plant the flowers with a gleam in her eye. I can tell she’s excited to teach me, and I’m trying my best to soak it all in despite how fast she’s talking. Once she’s done explaining, Nini hands me something called a garden trowel, a flowerpot, and some yellow flowers called marigolds.
“I figured you’d like planting yellow flowers.” Nini shrugs with a soft smile.
“You guessed correctly.” I nod. Right. I like the color yellow. Thinking about it now, maybe it’s not such a bad color.
I listen to Nini’s instructions as I dig a small hole for the marigolds and carefully place it into its spot before covering it with dirt once again. Nini smiles at me.
“You made a home!” Nini exclaims and I raise an eyebrow at her before chuckling at how excited Nini is. “Can you go get the watering can over there? They need some water.” Nini instructs and I nod as I get up and walk over to get the—shocker—yellow watering can.
While I’m making my way back, a pot catches my eye. And it’s not because it has flowers in it, the opposite really. It has no flowers. It has several long, white strings with a paper label attached to it. I can’t really tell what’s planted.
Nini must’ve noticed me curiously looking at the pot because she walks over to me. “Oh, that.” She laughs awkwardly. “It’s kind of dumb…” she trails off.
I shake my head. “I’ve seen dumber things—like watching E.J.’s Instagram stories.” I joke playfully.
Nini giggles. “My Lola and I plant used tea bags on this pot.” Nini looks at me and sees the confused look on my face. “It was a silly game between us when I was little. One time I got sick with a cold and she made me a tea to drink, but I refused to drink it. She told me that if I drank my tea, I could plant the tea bag and maybe a tree filled with teacups would grow from it.” Nini scrunches up her nose and giggles. “I keep doing it just for the sake of being nostalgic. But it’s also nice to have hope for something.”
“You hope for a tree with teacups?” I tilt my head.
Nini shrugs. “It’s nice to dream of impossible things.”
____________________
I guess there are places in Salt Lake City that are exciting. I’ve been going over to Nini’s house nearly every day for the past few weeks and all we’ve done is help keep up Nini’s garden and talk about anything and everything. I tell her about my how my life was like in California and the beaches and the surfing and how much I miss it. Nini always listens while she’s watering her flowers or planting a new tea bag in that flowerpot of hers. It’s nice to have made a friend.
I can feel myself turning…I don’t even know how to describe it. But I feel brighter. Maybe I’m turning into the color Nini loves so much? Maybe my insides are turning yellow, but in a good way. My mood feels brighter, especially around Nini. And the big move has felt easier to cope with.
Maybe trading the smell of the ocean for the smell of flowers isn’t so bad…
And my cheeks are always hurting now. It’s either from laughing with Nini or from how much I can’t stop smiling at her antics.
It’s small things like Nini feeling the need to talk to her flowers because she says it’ll help them grow. Or how she sings while she’s gardening and it’s the sweetest sound in the world. Or how we’ll talk and suddenly she’ll stop, gasp, and point out the thing she notices (most of the time it’s a butterfly or a bumblebee).
But I think my favorite thing about Nini is how everything she says sounds so simple. I can’t help but feel a weird sense of tranquility. Like when I asked her why she wears that yellow jacket so much and she responded that it was because she liked it. That’s it. And it’s so weird because someone so simple makes everything around her seem so…extraordinary. I guess that’s what happens when you’re bright like the color yellow.
I get home and quickly change out of my clothes that are a messy and dirt-stained from gardening earlier and walk downstairs.
“We spent so long trying to get Gina out of the house, now we can’t even get them to come in.” my stepfather teases. Ashlyn and my mom laugh.
“Did you three make plans to ambush me with relentless teasing once I got home?” I ask, feigning annoyance as I grab an apple and take a bite.
“You’re getting awful close to Nini, don’t you think?” Ashlyn asks next with a smirk. “I mean, whenever she’s not hanging out with you all she can do is talk about you.”
I feel my face blush at the thought of Nini talking about me. I hope she says good things.
“Nini? So that’s her name…” my mother trails off. “I would’ve never guessed since Gina doesn’t tell me anything.” My mom gives me a playful, pointed look.
“You haven’t asked.” I retort.
“You don’t give me the chance to since you’re running off with this Nini girl.” My mom smiles. “So…are you developing a little crush?” she smirks. I respond by taking a large bite from my apple to prevent myself from talking. My mom catches on to my tricks and laughs. “Well maybe you won’t talk to me about it—ouch—but maybe you should talk to Nini about it.”
I shake my head. No way.
“Come on, Gi!” Ashlyn exclaims next. “Nini clearly likes you, too! I say you surf your way into Nini’s heart—as if you’re not already there.”
I snort and shake my head. “Surf my way? Really?”
Ashlyn shrugs.
“I thought it was clever!” my stepdad exclaims, high fiving Ashlyn.
I roll my eyes playfully. “How do I even tell her?”
“Words, preferably.” My mom teases. “But maybe tell her or show her in a way she’ll understand. Something personal.”
I nod and then turn to my stepdad. “Did you do that?” I ask with a teasing grin.
“No, I just sent your mom a gif of a minion saying ‘I Like You’ and it sent the message loud and clear.” My stepdad shares with a proud smile as my mom places her hands on her face and laughs.
“Well…she fell for it so.” Ashlyn shrugs, turning to me. “I guess what they’re trying to say is that…even the impossible is possible.” She chuckles. “And I really think you should go for it.”
I hum with a nod. I started thinking about what Nini had told me before.
It’s nice to dream impossible things.
Maybe I was done dreaming.
Maybe I wanted to help something grow.
____________________
I looked all over Salt Lake City. Every nook and cranny of it. All this for some teacups. A blue teacup. A pink teacup. A red teacup. An orange teacup. A green teacup. A purple teacup. A yellow teacup. All with flower designs on them. All because I want to fulfill an impossible dream for the dreamiest girl I have ever met.
I have a plan. And it involves a lemon tree, teacups, and yellow ribbon.
Ashlyn’s distracting Nini while I go over to Nini’s house and hang up the teacups I bought on the lemon tree in Nini’s garden using yellow ribbon. I’m fulfilling Nini’s impossible dream of having a tree of teacups after having spent so long planting teabags. Well, I hope I am.
Once I finish hanging the teacups, I text Ashlyn to have Nini walk back to her house. I wait for her at the front steps of her house, my leg bouncing nervously. I want this to go well. I don’t want to make an absolute fool of myself.
“Gina?”
I look up and see Nini in that same yellow corduroy jacket and beaming smile. I can’t help but smile myself.
“Hi.” I blush.
“Were you waiting long?” Nini’s smile turns to a concerned frown. “I was hanging out with Ashlyn.”
I gulp and shake my head. “I was doing something. In the backyard. I…I grew something.”
Nini tilts her head. “You did? I haven’t seen anything…”
I stand up and nod again. “Let me show you. It’s in your lemon tree.”
Nini follows me to the backyard and we walk over to her lemon tree that’s decorated with teacups. I rub my hands together nervously as I gauge Nini’s reaction. She stares at it. For a long while. Enough to make me notice how fast my heart’s beating. The only time my heart would beat this fast was when I would be surfing. But it was adrenaline. This was a different kind of rush.
“Teacups on a tree.” Nini finally spoke up with a smile as she walks closer to the tree and places a hand on one of the teacups hanging—unsurprisingly, it’s the yellow one. She looks over at me and I gulp again.
I nod as I walk over to Nini. “I wanted to make an impossible dream come true for you.” I tell her. “You know, I thought after leaving California that my life was over. That I wouldn’t ever care for anything or anyone ever again because I was so upset. But then I met you.” I smile softly. “And you make things so bright. So extraordinary. To the point where I think…I think I’m putting down roots here now. And it’s because of you.” I pause. “I like you, Nini. I like you a lot.”
Nini tilts her head, her smile still intact. “You like me?”
I nod. “You have no idea.” I breathe out.
“You made my teacup tree grow.” Nini beams. “You let me draw sunglasses on your sun. And you like the color yellow.” Nini shakes her head. “How can I not like you too?”
There she goes again. Making simple words sound so damn magical.
I grin. “You do?”
“I do.” Nini smiles. A smile beaming like the sun.
Nini stares at me for a few moments in contemplation and then leans forward to press her soft lips against mine.
It feels yellow. It tastes yellow. Yellow. Yellow. Yellow.
I could drown in it. I could live in it, even. I never want to stop feeling this bright and colorful feeling.
I think of all the things that exist in this world that are yellow. Taxi cabs. Sunflowers. Ducks. Lemonade. Marigolds. Howie’s yellow sunglasses and baseball cap. The yellow brick road. The color of Nini’s corduroy jacket.
Another impossible thing happened. I believe the color of the sun is yellow, not white.
So the sun. The sun is yellow.