Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Hey, why the long face buddy?”

Cloud jumped a little as Biggs seemed to materialize at his side; snapping him abruptly from the familiar yet not-altogether-comforting realm of introspection he’d been occupying for…who knows how long.

“Well…longer than usual I guess,” Biggs continued, now that he had Cloud’s attention.

The loud drone of voices and sounds of laughter flooded back into Cloud’s sphere of awareness. The party was in full swing, but Cloud – as usual – had elected to stick to the edges; observing rather than actively participating in the general frivolity that surrounded him.

“Oh, uh…it’s nothing.” Cloud waved his hand dismissively, hoping it would be enough to shoo the somewhat inebriated man away and allow him to return to his brooding.

“Come on, don’t be like that, man! You don’t wanna upset Aerith by being a party pooper now, do you?” Biggs elbowed Cloud in the shoulder for emphasis. “It is her birthday after all,” he finished with a wink, and Cloud jerked his head away to hide the slight blush that crept up his cheeks.

Cloud was perfectly aware of the occasion at hand. In fact, he’d spent the better part of the last hour nervously fiddling with the small gift box in his pocket; thoughts racing back and forth inside his head –

Should he give it to her in front of everyone like the others or wait to do it in private? Wait…but would that be weird? Would she even like it?

Around and around his mind had flown; jumping between certainty and despair as his friends jumped between wine and spirits and the laughter that rang through the house grew steadily in volume.

He’d spoken with Aerith briefly upon arriving, but since then had kept mostly to himself; utterly paralyzed by indecision. She’d looked absolutely enchanting. Her usual pink dress and jacket had been replaced by a long, flowing gown of deep crimson – simple and elegant and so Aerith, which cascaded down her slim frame and swished around her feet as she walked; giving the distinct impression that she was floating around the room when she moved.

“Heya, Cloud,” she’d said cheerily as he entered, accompanied by her usual disarming smile and a wink that left him stunned and scrambling for how to greet her in return. She giggled at his bashfulness and motioned towards the closet. “Take a load off, ok? And make yourself at home!” She then turned and vanished into the crowd of people, leaving behind the swish of her dress and the memory of the breath that she’d stolen away from Cloud’s lungs.

Truthfully, the effect she had on him was nothing new, but today was different. Today was special –

Today was the day that he would finally “man the hell up” – as his hairstylist, Madam M. had put it – and tell Aerith how he felt about her.

He’d spent the weeks leading up to the party desperately trying to devise a plan of action, but any idea he’d come up with inevitably ended up dashed to pieces by his own anxious mind.

At least he’d finally managed to settle on the gift that now sat in his pocket and weighed him down like an anchor – a reminder of everything he had never been able to say; of how he’d loved Aerith from the very moment he’d laid eyes on her…

He’d tripped over the doorframe as he entered the flower shop; nearly knocking over a large display full of potted plants on his way in. Thankfully, he’d managed to catch himself in time, but as he’d raised his head to apologize, he’d been so captured by the girl that gazed back at him that he’d ended up knocking a pot off the shelf anyway.

Behind the counter stood the most beautiful woman Cloud had ever seen; her hand over her mouth in an attempt to stifle her giggles; emerald eyes sparkling with playfulness behind long, brown hair. “If you break it, you buy it ya know?” She’d teased.

“S-sorry!” Cloud had stammered as he made a fumbling attempt to rearrange the mess he’d made; painfully aware of how red his face had become.

“Don’t worry about it, they’re a lot tougher than they look.” She’d told him with a cheerful smile. “Now, do you need help with anything?”

“Uhh…” Cloud’s mind went blank; he hadn’t been the least bit prepared to come face to face with an angel today, and all concept of human interaction had completely abandoned him. Butterflies surged through his stomach at the smile she’d given him, and his heart began to pound deafeningly in his ears; perfectly in time with her soft laughter.

Sensing his hesitation, she crossed her arms and smirked; raising one eyebrow in mock impatience. “So, are you here for some flowers or are you just gonna stand there all day?”

Cloud gulped and cleared his throat. “R-right, yeah I’m just looking for some flowers, I guess. T-they’re for my mom.” He wasn’t sure why he’d felt compelled to add that last detail; or maybe he was sure of why…

The act of forming words into coherent sentences had suddenly become a very difficult endeavour.

“Awwww that’s so sweet!” The woman cooed; sending another rush of blood through Cloud’s already-racing heart – in that moment, he decided that he would never tire of hearing her voice and the soft, joyful cadence it carried. “Well don’t you worry mister; I’ve got just the thing for you!”

That had been almost three years ago, and they’d been good friends ever since, but never anything more. Even as they introduced each other to their friends and families; growing closer and becoming more and more a part of one another’s lives, Cloud had always been too afraid to admit his true feelings.

Aerith was beautiful; she was kind; she was sweeter than honey but feisty and stubborn when she needed to be. She lit up the room with her presence; imperviously radiating warmth and peace and compassion.

She was wonderful; she was perfect, and Cloud knew that she deserved so much better than him.

Even if he did ever pluck up the courage to tell her the truth, she would undoubtedly reject him in the gentlest way possible; all the while sweetly assuring him that she still wanted to be friends. But even so, Cloud knew that it would soon grow awkward – that they would end up drifting apart and going their separate ways, and the thought of losing her entirely was unbearable, so he’d stayed silent; trying to convince himself that just being her friend was enough…

“Okay, that’s it!” Once again, Cloud was yanked out of his daydreaming as Jessie appeared at his other side; grabbing his shoulder as she swayed slightly and stuck her finger in his face. “I’ve had enough of your doom and gloom, Strife!” Biggs nodded his agreement.

“Ugh, leave me alone.” Cloud huffed. He had enough internal turmoil to deal with without a wild party and wilder friends adding themselves to the mix.

“Nuh-uh,” Jessie shook her head emphatically. “I know just the thing for you – guaranteed to send those loner-blues packing!”

Without another word, she grabbed Cloud by the arm and dragged him into the dining room; calling out as they entered. “Hey Wedge! We got ourselves a drinking buddy!”

The man in question looked up from the table where he’d been setting out a far-too-large number of shot glasses and gave a grin along with a thumbs-up. “Awesome!”

“Wait!” Cloud began as the combined strength of Biggs and Jessie nearly sent him toppling straight into Wedge, who was already waiting with a full glass in his outstretched hand.

“Aww come on bro! You won’t regret it, I promise!”

Cloud sincerely doubted the validity of that statement, but seeing the look of giddy excitement on Wedge’s face was just enough to convince him not to let the poor guy down. He glanced down at the glass – filled to the brim with an unknown brown liquid, and hesitantly accepted it.

“Alriiiiight!” Biggs yelled; clapping a hand on Cloud’s shoulder and nearly spilling the drink he’d just taken.

“I knew you couldn’t resist us!” Jessie rested her chin on Cloud’s other shoulder and winked up at him before breaking away and grabbing her own glass along with one for Biggs. “Now, on three everyone!”

She raised her glass high; Biggs and Wedge following suit with Cloud reluctantly joining in – lifting his arm to shoulder-height and no further.

“One…two…three…AVALANCHE!” They called in unison, shouting out the name of the independent, eco-focused news agency they ran together. Cloud stayed silent, but as the other three tipped their heads back and downed the alcohol, he figured he may as well humour them, so he raised the glass to his mouth and nearly choked as the liquid flowed past his lips.

It must have been some kind of whiskey…either that, or it was just gasoline; it was honestly hard to tell – only a select few people as crazy as Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie would actually choose to shoot something like this. It burned his throat and Cloud let out a little shudder at the feeling, but he somehow managed to down it all.

“Attaboy!” Biggs cried out, slapping Cloud forcefully on the back and earning himself a hard glare in return.

However, despite the initial unpleasantness, a warm, tingling sensation had begun to slowly spread through Cloud’s body; starting in his chest and then flowing into his limbs. He staggered a little when he felt the buzz rush into his head and gave a very small, very lopsided smirk.

“Oh? Is that a smile I spy?” Jessie exclaimed. “I think he likes it you guys!”

Cloud simply grunted and turned away; not wanting to give them the satisfaction of a moral victory.

“Well then, better get the man another!” Biggs yelled triumphantly, and Cloud couldn’t help the exasperated grin that flitted across his lips as Wedge eagerly reached over to pass him another dangerously full glass.

“So, Cloud,” Jessie peered at him over the rim of her drink, “seen Aerith yet tonight?” Her eyes danced and twinkled mischievously, and Cloud felt a flush return to his cheeks; entirely unrelated to the alcohol.

“Y-yeah. I have.” Cloud looked down quickly as if the tablecloth had suddenly become very interesting. It had a bright, floral pattern, just like nearly everything else Aerith owned, and Cloud smiled softly to himself.

The Flower Girl. That was the name of her shop.

“Really?” Jessie leaned obnoxiously down into his field of view. “Cause if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were tryin’ to avoid her or something.”

Cloud let out a grunt of confusion and annoyance as his eyes flicked between Biggs and Jessie; analyzing the smug looks on their faces. Wedge – to his credit – looked completely at a loss as to what was going on.

Rather than grace them with an answer, Cloud brought the glass up to his lips and drained it in one go, earning an amused smirk from Biggs.

“Well, I think that’s about the answer we were expecting,” he said with a self-satisfied grin. Jessie nodded her agreement and Cloud looked away in disgust at his friends’ nosy natures.

Still, he did feel better now – more relaxed than he had all evening; more assured of himself. Whatever was in that drink seemed to be gently nudging him into action; whispering to him that this was his chance and he’d better damn well seize it while he had the courage.

Once again, his thoughts circled back around to Aerith and to the promise he’d made to himself, but this time he met those thoughts with newfound determination.

He had to do this; he had to tell her, or he would end up torturing himself for the rest of his life, and another part of him would keep dying every time he couldn’t hold her the way he desperately wished he could.

He realized – with a surprised glance at the knowing grins on Jessie and Biggs’ faces – that this had probably been their plan all along, and honestly, he couldn’t deny that he was just a tad grateful for their nosiness.

Cloud swallowed and let out a deep, slow breath; trying in vain to calm the butterflies that had returned to his stomach. It was now or never.

His eyes swept around the room, passing over Barret and Tifa who were deep in conversation against the far wall; over Yuffie, who was proudly showing off her brand-new marble collection to a mostly uninterested Vincent. Aerith wasn’t here.

Cloud took a hesitant step – steeling himself as he made to leave the table and begin his search, but as it turns out, that one step was all he would need. Once he’d shifted enough to be able to cast his gaze through the living room and into the kitchen, his eyes landed on the girl he was looking for; the only issue being…she was not alone.

If fact, she seemed to be quite occupied at the moment – by none other than Zack Fair.

Cloud felt his stomach deflate and turn itself inside-out; butterflies now morphing into hornets that began to prick and stab at his insides.

Zack – Aerith’s highschool sweetheart; her first love; the man who Cloud wasn’t sure she had ever fully gotten over.

Tall, handsome, charming, perfect Zack.

The pair stood alone by the back door; so close together that, had they moved in another foot, they would be pressed up against one another. Aerith’s gorgeous, emerald eyes danced with happiness as she smiled up at the dark-haired man, who was evidently in the middle of a very engaging story…either that or he was just being his usual flirty self. Cloud couldn’t decide which option he disliked more.

He watched – frozen in place – as Zack’s hand came to linger on Aerith’s shoulder and he leaned in to whisper something in her ear.

Time seemed to slow – Cloud saw Aerith’s eyes go wide; he saw her toss her head back in laughter; he saw her throw her arms around Zack’s neck and leap forward to hug him - the taller man wrapping his arms around as well; returning her embrace.

Cloud’s heart dropped into his feet. He couldn’t count the number of times he’d dreamt of Aerith hugging him like that. It was like being given a front-row seat to his own desires, except it was Zack who had stolen the starring role.

He felt like throwing up.

“So,” Wedge began; oblivious as ever, “ready for round three?”

Cloud felt an unpleasant rush of blood to his head – the brown liquid that had so recently been his ally now seemed a bitter enemy, and he slammed his glass down on the table a little more forcefully than he intended.

“Hey, Cloud? You ok?” Jessie asked apprehensively; more than a little surprised by the sudden outburst from the normally stoic and unreadable man.

Without another word, Cloud spun on his heels and walked blindly away; his heart pounding and his gut tangling into knots.

He needed air. He needed to be alone.

Cloud vaguely registered shoving unceremoniously past Barret as he made his escape and shaking off Tifa’s hand when she reached out to ask him what was wrong. He didn’t think he was capable of talking to them right now, even if he wanted to – he was focused solely on the front door; on escaping the suffocating closeness that pressed in on him from all sides as his head began to spin.

The cool night air washed over him as he pushed the door open – a counter to the boiling, simmering heat that now coursed through his body. Cloud stepped outside and let the door swing closed behind him; muffling the sounds of celebration within and finally giving him a moment to think.

And in that moment, Cloud felt his heart rip itself in two.

All the hopes and anxious doubts of the past few weeks came crashing down around his head; forcing a choked, anguished gasp from his throat as his mind rapidly spun out of control in a flurry of bitter, gnawing jealousy.

Of course, she would choose Zack. Of course, she would prefer him – he was taller; more handsome. He was stronger and funnier and so much more interesting.

He was everything that Cloud wasn’t, and Cloud had never felt more foolish…thinking that such a wonderful girl would ever actually choose him over someone like Zack.

With a low groan, Cloud sank down on the bench next to the door; arms on his knees and head bent low; a brick in his chest; struggling to breathe around the newly formed hole in his heart as images of the most unwelcome kind swam into view –

Zack and Aerith were together; she was laughing and smiling up at him and he was grinning down at her.

Cloud gritted his teeth; pressing his hands to his eyes in an attempt to stem the flow of tears that now threatened to burst forth.

“Happy birthday Aerith,” Zack said with a wink. Her arms snaked their way around his neck and his around her waist as she stood up on her toes. Their lips met.

It was too much.

Cloud jerked his head up sharply and let out a shaking breath; staring up at the night sky and letting the tears roll freely down his cheeks. The stars stared unfeelingly back at him – twinkling cheerfully; mocking him.

His fists and jaw clenched as he gasped for breath in between gentle, silent sobs.

Cloud wished he’d never met her. He wished he’d never fallen in love with the most wonderful woman in the world. He’d always known he didn’t deserve her. He’d always known this might happen, but seeing the proof was more than he could take as his heart slowly splintered, then stitched itself back together, only to shatter once more as the memory played and replayed itself in his mind.

Cloud let out another ragged, broken breath and ran his fingers through his hair; trying to steady himself as he shakily got to his feet.

He had to leave…If Aerith wanted to be with Zack, Cloud wouldn’t get in the way. As much as his heart ached and screamed for her, he knew that he had to try his best to accept her decision and let her be happy; to give her the respect and decency that she deserved.

But that wasn’t enough to stop the tears from falling.

He briefly considered calling a cab to take him home, but the night air was refreshing and cool and he didn’t especially feel like talking to another person right now. He could walk, it wasn’t that far.

As he stepped off the porch, the laughter and cheers coming from within the house rose in a crescendo of celebration; matched only by the swelling, all-consuming ache in Cloud’s chest as he walked alone into the night.

Chapter Text

She looked absolutely angelic. Her long brown hair cascaded in gentle waves down her back; a thin crown of soft yellow flowers sat on her head like a halo; a simple dress of pure white hugged her figure and swished gently around her feet. She seemed to glide effortlessly through the crowd; just as she had on that night, so many years ago.

As she passed Cloud, she turned her head ever so slightly to send a gentle smile in his direction, but nothing more. On she floated towards the altar – reaching out to gracefully take her future husband’s hand in her own.

Cloud stood silently – a dull, throbbing ache in his chest as he watched the ceremony unfold.

“Do you, Zack Fair, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do,” Zack said with a wink.

“And do you, Aerith Gainsborough, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband.”

Aerith gazed lovingly up into Zack’s eyes as if he was the only person on the planet who mattered. If the rest of her world hadn’t melted away; if she’d only turned her head, she might have seen that same look in Cloud’s eyes as he stared longingly back at her.

“I do,” she whispered with a radiant smile.

“You may now kiss the bride.”

Cloud watched – numb and defeated – as Zack cupped Aerith’s cheek and leaned down to place a soft kiss on her lips; their first as a married couple.

The bells rang; the audience cheered; a cascade of flower petals rained down from the ceiling, and still, Cloud stood there silently as his last shred of hope crumbled into dust, along with all that remained of his heart.

Cloud shot awake – clutching his chest and gasping for breath; the remnants of a strangled cry still burning in his throat.

It had been nothing more than a dream; a nightmare, really. He was safe in his bed, there was no wedding and his phone was pulsing out the familiar acoustic tune he’d been using as an alarm for as long as he could remember. His heart softened automatically at the melody. It was one of Aerith’s favourite songs, and for years it had ensured that Cloud would always wake to thoughts of her filling his head; the sweetest, most comforting way imaginable to start his days.

At least it had been.

Now, it was like an ice-cold knife slowly forcing its way into his chest.

Cloud didn’t let the song reach its second verse – stretching across the bed and smacking his hand down on his phone before the knife could drive itself any deeper. He silently cursed himself for forgetting to turn it off last night, but honestly, he couldn’t remember much of what had happened after he’d left the party. It was all a blur.

It seemed that he’d managed to make it home at least – he was definitely in his own bed, the sun was streaming through all the familiar cracks in his curtains, and the birds sang cheerfully from the tree outside his window.

Out of habit more than anything, he reached for his phone – clinging to a faint, fading hope that the events of the night before had been nothing more than a dream as well. But as he switched it on and was met by a wall of messages from drunken partygoers, his heart sank.

Barret: Yo Spikey, where’d you run off to, the party’s just starting…                          11:46pm

Tifa: Hey, you ok?                                                                                                       12:02am

Tifa: Do you wanna talk?                                                                                            12:05am

Biggs: Hey Strife you’re late for round seven!                                                               1:04am

Jessie: Soooooo how’d things go??? ;)                                                                          1:23am

Tifa: Where are you?                                                                                                    2:12am

It hadn’t been a dream. It was real. It had really happened.

Cloud couldn’t help but note that there wasn’t a single message from Aerith or Zack, and he felt his throat constrict painfully as he imagined that they probably had better things to do than worry about him running off in the middle of the night. They probably hadn’t even noticed he’d left – lost in their own world as they’d seemed.

Cloud let out a heavy sigh and sank back into his sheets.

So, this was it. He’d had his chance, and he blew it. He’d spent so long worrying and waiting for the right moment that she’d had her heart stolen by someone else.

Cloud brought his arms up over his face as if that would stop the endless slideshow of painful images that flashed behind his eyelids.

It’s not like he could blame her – Zack was pretty much the perfect man. He was everything Cloud wished he could be and more. If anyone was worthy of Aerith’s love, it was Zack Fair.

Cloud groaned and flipped over to bury his face in his sheets. It was too early to cry properly, so he had to settle for the dry shudders that coursed through his body as he silently berated himself for being such an idiot; for ever getting his hopes up that he and Aerith might one day be together; for allowing himself to fall so deeply in love with her.

All the while, the birds continued to sing - just as they did every morning, as if all was right with their world; as if Cloud’s wasn’t falling apart before his eyes. Never before had he felt this…this bottomless, all-encompassing emptiness. A black hole lay in his heart; a gaping Aerith-sized wound where his hopes for the future had once lived…

Cloud eventually gathered the strength required to move – figuring he should probably answer Tifa’s texts so the poor girl wouldn’t worry, only for his gaze to land on the gift he had never taken the chance to give. It now sat on his bedside table; like it had been watching his fitful sleep and laughing as he suffered alone in the dark.

Cloud released a choked, painful snort and reached over to pick it up; running his thumb gently along the pink ribbon it was tied with – yet another reminder of the girl it had been meant for.

Cloud stood up in a daze. His mouth was dry as a desert and he needed water. He needed some kind of goal to focus on right now; anything at all, no matter how insignificant.

He wandered aimlessly out of his room into the kitchen and grabbed a glass from his cupboard, filled it with water, and took a long swig. After setting it down, he leaned over the counter; running his hand absently through his hair and staring down at the box that was still clutched in his hand.

Cloud felt a sudden, overwhelming urge to open it. He was desperate for any kind of connection; any thin thread that would let him feel close to her. Besides, it’s not like he would ever find the courage to actually give it to her now.

He steeled himself with a shaking breath, undid the ribbon, and popped open the lid.

Inside sat a necklace – a thin, gold chain, from which dangled a jade pendant with a rich, emerald hue. It was in the shape of a lily – her favourite flower. He’d spent weeks scouring every shop in town for something worthy of her, and the moment he’d laid eyes on the necklace, he’d known that this was it. It was perfect.

Cloud’s hand shook as he gently removed it from its box; holding it up in front of eyes and watching how it caught the light and seemed to shimmer with life, just as her eyes did when she looked at him.

He wondered if he’d ever find the strength to look into those eyes again – to face her at all. Or would the sight of her smiling with Zack by her side be too much to take? How could he continue to be a supportive, caring friend when every thought of her was nothing more than a reminder of the happiness he would now never feel…

Once more, the whirlwind of tortured thoughts tore through Cloud’s mind.

Would he force himself to stay in her life? Could he? Could he stand by and watch as the woman he loved chose someone else?

His thoughts strayed back to his dream – it had seemed so real; the pain he’d felt then was the pain he felt now. Would he be invited to their wedding? Would he even have the strength to go; to see them bind themselves to each other; to watch as they began a life, had children, grew old together…

Cloud violently let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

No. It was better if he didn’t see her. At least…not for a long time. Maybe distance and time would be enough for his love to fade. Maybe, one day, they could go back to the way they used to be.

But a part of Cloud knew that was impossible. She was everything to him; he loved her more than life itself and would go on loving her even if they never saw each other again; even as the years passed and she forgot his face and moved on. He knew he could never do the same.

At last, the tears began to fall anew, running down his cheeks and splashing onto the counter; onto the necklace in his hand, making it shine and sparkle in the sunlight.

He gently placed it on the counter; unable to look at it any longer. It was now nothing more than yet another agonizing reminder of his own shortcomings.

Cloud sank to the floor; leaning against the cupboard; tears still streaming down his face. What the hell was he supposed to do now? He’d lived for the hope of one day telling Aerith how much he loved her. Without that dream to hold on to, life was empty – hollow and bitter.

Maybe…there was still hope? Maybe if he ran to her now; ripped his heart out and lay it at her feet…

No. He couldn’t do that to her. He couldn’t guilt her; ask her to take a chance on him out of pity. She’d made her choice, and Cloud knew she’d be better off if he didn’t try to interfere.

So, Cloud simply sat there on the floor, numb, alone, and waiting for a way forward to present itself; to show him what he had left to hang on to.

Suddenly, the silence was broken by the buzz of his phone on the table, and as Cloud apprehensively stood and looked over to read who it was, his stomach flipped.

Zack.

His mind scrambled and searched for answers on what to do. Should he just ignore it? It would be pretty easy to pretend that he was simply still asleep, but at the same time, there was a part of him that wanted to hear it first-hand from the man himself. He wanted to feel his anger and sadness justified; to wallow properly in self-pity.

Cloud hastily wiped the tears from his cheeks and answered the phone on its last ring.

“Uh…hey Zack.” It took a supreme effort to force his voice to stay even and under control.

“Hey man, what’s up?” God, he always sounded so cheerful, just like Aerith. It served as a stark reminder of how similar they were; a thought that balled up in Cloud’s throat and made it difficult to answer.

“Um, you know. Not much…just woke up.” He tried to sound casual and disinterested; to retain some semblance of normality.

“Yeah same here man, same here.” There was a small pause, and Cloud wondered if he should come up with some kind of response, but Zack beat him to it. “Kiiiiinda wondering why my best bud bailed on us so early last night though. Just when things were getting interesting too!”

Cloud’s fists clenched involuntarily. He figured he had a good idea what Zack meant by ‘things getting interesting’ and he was definitely not prepared to hear the man go into any more details.

“Well,” Cloud began darkly, “I dunno…seemed like you guys wouldn’t miss me too much.” He hadn’t meant to say it like that, but the words had spilled from his lips in bitterness and resentment before he’d had a chance to come up with a decent lie.

“Huh? What do you mean?” There was genuine, surprised concern in Zack’s tone.

Why did he have to make it so hard to hate him?

“Uhm,” Cloud paused and made an audible show of sitting down at the dining room table as he carefully considered what to say next. He knew he didn’t have the right to take out his heartbreak and self-loathing on the guy. It wasn’t Zack’s fault if Aerith had chosen to love him instead of Cloud. It was no one’s fault but his own, and he knew it.

“I…I had a bit of a headache,” he began, trying to backpedal slightly on his previous loss of temper. “And everyone seemed to be doing ok…you know…you and Jessie and Tifa and Barret and….” Cloud wasn’t sure where he was going with this. He was stalling; hoping that Zack would just lose interest and leave him be.

No such luck.

“And what about Aerith?” Zack’s tone was inscrutable.

“Wha-” Something about hearing Zack say her name sent a spark of anger through Cloud’s core. “What about her?”

Zack sighed. “Listen man…”

Cloud braced himself – Zack was about to tell him all about his and Aerith’s new ‘involvement,’ he was sure of it. He considered simply hanging up on the spot, but he knew he couldn’t without seeming suspicious, so he bit his lip, tensed his jaw, and waited for the hammer blow.

“She was really upset when you disappeared, you know that?”

Oh.

A beat passed as Cloud took a moment to process what Zack had said. That wasn’t at all what he’d been expecting, and tension coiled unpleasantly in his stomach.

“Oh,” he began – echoing his thought from a moment ago. “I, uh…sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say.

“Why are you apologizing to me?” Zack asked with a chuckle.

Cloud hated how casual the man was acting; completely unaware of how his friend’s heart was in the process of breaking for the umpteenth time with each passing second.

He couldn’t stop the anger from creeping its way back into his tone. “Well are you with her now? You can do it for me can’t you?” Cloud’s chest tightened as he was faced with the possibility that Zack and Aerith might have actually spent the night together.

“Why would I be with her now?” There it was again – the confusion in Zack’s tone threw Cloud off a bit, but he pressed on; bitterness rising in his core.

“I don’t know Zack, you two seemed pretty…you know…close last night I figured that I probably shouldn’t interrupt anything.” His jaw was clenched now; words coming out in a hiss as the flames of jealousy threatened to consume him.

Another pause.

“Oh…Cloud. Shit man, I’m sorry.” It seemed that Zack had finally caught on to just how deeply his friend was hurting, and his tone grew soft and sympathetic. “You don’t understand, it’s not…”

“I think I understand just fine, Zack,” Cloud interrupted. “It’s ok, I get it. I don’t want to get in the way of anything.” He swallowed; trying to clear the lump from his throat as he choked out his blessing. “She deserves the best.”

Then came a prolonged, palpable silence. Cloud’s words rang in his ears – he’d done it. He’d told Zack that it was ok; that he would be the one to make her happy, and now he would greatly appreciate it if the man took the hint and left him the hell alone.

“Hoo boy,” Zack broke the silence with a sharp exhale. And then he laughed. He actually laughed as he continued, even as fresh tears had already begun to trickle from Cloud’s eyes. “Jeez Cloud, you’re hopeless you know that? Seriously, I knew you were dense, but this is somethin’ else lemme tell ya.”

Cloud could practically hear Zack’s mirthful wink through the phone, and he fumbled; caught completely off guard. “Zack wait-”

“No way buddy, I promised her I wouldn’t spill the beans and I intend to stick by that. You know how scary she can be. But hey,” Zack’s voice suddenly dropped; as if letting Cloud in on a secret he wasn’t supposed to share. “Don’t mess this up any more than you already have, ok?”

And then, with a click, he hung up – leaving a bewildered Cloud alone with nothing but his thoughts and a dial tone.

Chapter Text

Cloud wasn’t sure how long he sat there staring at his phone; his friend’s words still ringing in his ears.

“She was really upset when you disappeared, you know that?”

Cloud shook his head in disbelief and incomprehension. Why would Aerith be so upset that he’d left? She’d seemed so happy with Zack by her side, and all things considered, Zack was basically just a better version of Cloud, right? Zack was better and more desirable in every way, so Cloud was sure his presence hadn’t been missed – that Zack must have been mistaken.

He let out another frustrated groan and brought his head down to rest on top of his crossed arms on the table; frantic, anxious thoughts buzzing like bees between his ears.

If Aerith had been upset, maybe it was because Zack was leaving, and the man had just misinterpreted? Clearly, they didn’t spend the night together, but maybe she’d wanted to? Cloud grimaced painfully at the idea.

At least there was one thing Zack had said that rang true – Cloud had messed this up. He’d been messing this up for three years, and now it seemed that all those years of inaction were coming back to haunt him.

Cloud briefly considered calling back and demanding answers – demanding that Zack stop playing games and just tell him the truth.

Then came the knock on his door.

Cloud jumped a little at the unexpected noise but didn’t move. He was in no mood to entertain guests at the moment – he was still in his pajamas for crying out loud. It was probably just a neighbour coming to tell him that it was early and ask him to cry a little more quietly or something.

He ignored it; hoping whoever it was would soon give up and leave him to wallow in peace.

But after a few moments of silence, there was another knock, and a voice called tentatively from outside.

“Cloud?”

He froze. He knew that voice all too well – it was the voice that spoke softly in his sweetest dreams; the voice that brought him joy and comfort that no other voice could.

And it was the last voice he could handle hearing right now.

He still refused to budge, but she didn’t give up; she never did. That was Aerith and god he loved her so much for it. A fresh ache rose in Cloud’s chest.

“Hellooooo… Aerith to Cloud? I know you’re in there.” Though her voice was muffled, there was no mistaking the gentle insistence it carried.

He sighed. Despite everything; despite his own aching heart, Cloud knew that he couldn’t just ignore her. He had bailed on her birthday party after all, and at the very least he owed her a face to face apology, however painful it would prove to be.

Cloud took a deep breath and slowly rose from his seat, trying to make as little noise as possible and hide the fact that he’d been sitting there ignoring her for a good three minutes. He couldn’t bring himself to knowingly hurt her feelings, even after she had unknowingly hurt his own.

He shuffled haltingly over to the door – each step a concerted, focused effort to force his feet to keep moving, before flicking the lock and turning the handle. The door swung open slowly; teasingly; taunting him, like the curtain as it rose on a Shakespearean tragedy.

And there she was. Aerith was standing outside his door with a soft smile on her lips and a look of deep concern in her eyes.

Cloud’s heart thudded uncontrollably at the sight of her – the familiar, lovesick nervousness now mixed with a sour, throbbing pain that lapped at his heart like boiling water. He stood there silently; unsure of what to do as his insides squirmed; somehow aching to be both as close to and as far away from her as possible.

“Mind if I come in?” She asked softly, her gentle prodding bringing his thoughts back into focus.

Yes. Yes, I do mind actually. Cloud couldn’t help but notice how her hair was a little disheveled; her shirt was a little wrinkled. It looked like she’d woken up and left immediately; throwing on an old pair of sweatpants and a pink t-shirt instead of her usual dress and jacket.

Cloud swallowed. She was absolutely perfect – stunning in her simple, effortless beauty.

All the while, he still hadn’t answered her question, and Aerith crossed her arms and cocked an eyebrow at him in the way she always did when she feigned annoyance; never failing to send a spark down his spine. He nodded.

“Right. Sure.” Cloud stepped aside and allowed her to pass; just now taking note of the general disarray of his apartment and hoping she wouldn’t mind. Although, as he closed the door, he realized glumly that it no longer mattered what she thought of his place. He knew first-hand that Zack’s was nicer anyway, and another sour pang shot through him at the thought.

He turned from the closed door to face her and found that she had rounded on him and once again adopted her ‘Annoyed Aerith’ persona. Cloud froze like a deer in headlights, and she pressed her advantage.

“So, mister. Mind explaining what happened last night? I looked everywhere for you.” Underneath her outward show of vexation, Cloud could clearly detect the note of genuine worry in her voice, and how similar it was to the tone Zack had adopted just minutes before.

He broke eye contact and looked to the side. “Oh…yeah sorry,” he began slowly; vowing not to let his emotions get the better of him as he had with Zack. “I just had…a headache,” he mumbled unconvincingly. It was so damn hard to lie to her.

Aerith sighed. “Come on Cloud, I know you better than that.” Cloud hated how kind her tone was; hated how easy it was to love everything about her. “If there’s something wrong you can tell me,” she said kindly.

He didn’t answer. Though they only stood a few feet apart, it felt like a chasm had opened up between them that had never been there before.

Aerith let out another small sigh as she turned away to fiddle absently with the saltshaker on his kitchen counter, almost as if she were nervously fidgeting. But why would she be nervous?

“You’re gonna tell me what’s wrong eventually, you know, whether you like it or-” Aerith’s voice died in her throat as her eyes landed on the necklace; still sitting there on the counter for all the world to see.

Cloud’s brain imploded. How could he have been so stupid as to leave that out? There was no way in hell he was capable of explaining that – up until now – he had planned on using it to finally confess his hopeless, undying love for her.

“Cloud…is that for…” She turned back to him as comprehension dawned on her face; eyebrows knit in concern. “Cloud…tell me what’s going on. Please.”

Something about the gentleness of her tone gave rise to a huge swell of bitter emotion within him. How could she be so kind and worried about him after unintentionally ripping his heart out mere hours ago…

He couldn’t help it. The words spilled from his lips of their own accord. He’d never had any self-control when it came to her anyway.

“I saw you and Zack last night.” His voice was monotone; numb and resigned.

Aerith’s eyes went wide when the words reached her ears and then narrowed in sympathy as she cocked her head to the side. “Oh Cloud, I’m so sorry. I know how that must have looked but you don’t understand, it’s not what you…” She trailed off and looked at the floor; cheeks growing red in embarrassment.

“You know, you’re the second person who’s said that to me today,” Cloud said humourlessly. “What exactly don’t I understand, Aerith? It seems pretty clear to me that you two-”

“We were talking about you.” She spoke quickly; as if afraid the words would burn her if they lingered too long in her mouth.

Once again…not at all what he was expecting.

“What do you mean?” He asked softly. Why on earth would they be talking about him? And they’d been so close together; so intimate… “And when you hugged him?” Cloud hadn’t meant to pry, but he did anyway – he couldn’t help it.

She looked at him – a combination of panic and desperation and sympathy played across her face.

“Cloud…” she whispered.

He loved it when she said his name.

Aerith took a deep breath; suddenly evasive; refusing to meet his eyes. He’d never seen her like this before.

“He told me…that you love me.” She spoke to the floor.

Cloud flailed in confusion as heartbreak and panic fought each other for what little space there was left in his brain. Why would Zack tell her that? Had he been making fun of him – laughing at Cloud’s hopeless infatuation?

He was indignant – sure that he was being played for a fool; that this must be some cruel joke. “Well,” he began, perhaps a little more harshly than he’d intended, “I don’t see why he would bother-”

Now it was his turn to have his voice die in his throat as Aerith looked up to meet his gaze, and finally, it clicked into place what now shimmered in her beautiful, green eyes. It smacked him across the face like a slap. It was hope.

“Cloud,” her voice had gone slightly hoarse. “Do you love me?”

He couldn’t lie now. He couldn’t pretend; not when she was standing in front of him – so vulnerable and gentle and sincere. Even if this meant that he would never see her again – that she would vanish from his life like smoke and leave him hollow for the rest of his days, he owed it to her to tell her the truth.

Cloud took a deep, slow, shuddering breath in and out. “Yes,” he breathed. “I do.” He broke eye contact and jerked his head to the floor – terrified of the pity that had surely filled her expression.

This left him completely unprepared when – in the blink of an eye – Aerith had leapt towards him, thrown her arms around his middle, and buried her face in his chest with a shaking laugh. “Oh Cloud, thank god,” she whispered into the fabric of his shirt; her breath warm on his skin, and her body pressed against his.

Cloud must have felt like a statue – paralyzed in shock at what had just happened, but Aerith didn’t seem to mind as she pulled back slightly to look up at him with a quivering smile. “The truth is, Cloud…I’ve been so scared. I was scared that you didn’t feel the same and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.”

Cloud’s brain was in overdrive; there were too many things to process; too many emotions fighting each other inside his head, so he just stood there dumbly and let her continue. “And Zack…god he’s such an ass,” she let out a choked giggle. “He said he’d been watching us dance around each other for so long and he was sick of it, but he knew you would never be the one to make the first move…”

Cloud couldn’t believe what he was hearing – his brain was simply incapable of accepting it. After all the pain of the last few hours; after how certain he’d been that Aerith was lost to him and never coming back…now she was telling him that it was Cloud she’d had feelings for?

No way, there must have been a misunderstanding somewhere in there, and Cloud opened his mouth to refute her. “But…Zack…”

Aerith cut him off. “What about Zack?” She sounded almost annoyed with the fact that Cloud kept bringing him up.

Cloud shook his head and forced himself to speak. “I thought you always…had feelings for him.” The words stung as they escaped his throat. “And after seeing you two together, I thought…” He couldn’t continue; it hurt too much.

But Aerith was smiling now, so sweetly that the wounded creature in Cloud’s heart couldn’t help but raise its head and sniff the air hopefully. “Really Cloud?” She grinned in amusement. “That guy is such a ladies-man I don’t think I could trust him even if I did want to try being with him again.”

Gears turned furiously in Cloud’s brain; putting up an almighty struggle in an effort to understand what exactly it was she was telling him. But he just couldn’t let himself believe it; not now. She must just feel sorry for him or…

“But why me? I mean…you’re…” Cloud broke off; searching for the words to properly express what he so badly needed to; to air the insecurities he’d held on to for so long. He looked wistfully down into her eyes; she was still clinging to his shoulders and gazing affectionately up at him. “You…deserve everything,” he began haltingly and gestured around at his messy apartment; at himself. “More than…this.”

“Cloud.” Her grin was gone; replaced by a look so tender and kind that Cloud swore he felt his heart melt into his feet. She broke away and reached for his hand; pulling him towards the counter and silently directing him to lean next to her. She stroked the back of his hand with her thumb; her eyes now locked together with his. “Remember that time when my landlord threatened to have my shop shut down if I didn’t agree to an extra rent increase that year?”

Cloud did remember, and it still made him angry to think of someone trying to take advantage of her like that.

Her hand began to stroke soothingly up and down his arm, sending shivers through his body as she continued. “Remember how I was too busy to fight it, but you stayed up for days researching and made sure that I got a fair deal?” She smiled sweetly at him. “Remember when my mom got sick, and you spent your days off working as a florist for me so I could go visit her in the hospital?”

Cloud grimaced at the memory of his, admittedly, very poor attempt at masquerading as a flower merchant. But he’d done it gladly; anything for her.

He opened his mouth to speak, but she wasn’t done. “All the times I’ve been too sick to get out of bed and you took care of me? When I’ve been sad, and you’ve brought me chocolates and gone out of your way to bring me all sorts of new flowers to cheer me up?”

She raised her hand to gently cup his cheek and force him to hold her gaze. He could see tears shimmering in her eyes as she looked at him with an expression of pure, genuine love.

“Don’t you see, Cloud? It’s you. It’s always been you.” He couldn’t help it – there were tears in his eyes too now; her words were finally sinking in, and he understood what it was she was telling him.

“Cloud…” she whispered. “You are my everything.” She raised her other hand to cradle his face. “I love you.”  

Cloud sucked in a sharp breath as those words escaped her lips…those three, beautiful words that he’d been afraid he would never hear her say. His eyes went wide as the realization finally dawned on him. His tortured, shattered heart began to lift and stitch itself back together in his chest as he gazed into her eyes – so full of love and warmth and happiness that Cloud was sure he would drown in them.

She loved him. Aerith loved him.

She giggled at the poleaxed expression on his face. “So,” she teased, “can I kiss you now, or what?”

YES! Cloud’s mind screamed out in longing, but there must have been a communication error between his brain and his mouth, and he found himself incapable of answering.

So, he simply nodded and watched in amazement as Aerith smiled sweetly up at him before pulling his face down towards hers. Cloud’s eyes fluttered closed as their lips met.

The world melted away, along with all the pain and heartache that had been welling up inside since the night before. It was all replaced by her, and Cloud breathed her in. He savoured the moment – the feeling of Aerith’s soft lips against his own; of her hands on his cheeks and her body pressed against him. She was everything – she had already claimed all five senses and Cloud resented that he didn’t have more to give her; he would have done so gladly as they stayed locked together in their embrace and he slipped his arms around her waist as she kissed him.

They broke apart far too soon, but before Aerith could say anything, Cloud had surged forward and wrapped his arms around her; burying his face in her neck as relief and love and joy swept through him.

“Aerith…” he whispered, no longer able to hold back the tears; but finding he didn’t mind so much anymore. “I thought…” He didn’t know what he thought anymore; it was all a mess of shock and happiness in his heart, and he clung desperately to her; grabbing handfuls of her shirt and reveling in finally being allowed to hold her as he’d so often dreamed. With his face pressed against her shoulder, he whispered the only words he could.

“I love you, too,” he choked and squeezed her tighter.

She laughed – a joyous, bell-like sound that rained down on Cloud and soothed his aching soul – and hugged him back; wrapping her arms around his shoulders and gently twining her fingers through his hair.

“Good,” she whispered playfully. “Now, mister,” the teasing undertone she so often adopted with him had returned to her voice. “I believe you still owe me a birthday present.”

Cloud pulled back and gave her a watery smile before nodding and once more picking the necklace up from where it lay on the counter.

Aerith smiled at him and bunched her hair up in her hands, allowing Cloud to reach around her neck and fasten the jewellery into place.

It matched her eyes perfectly, just as he’d hoped; three bright, shining emeralds staring back at him and sparkling in the sunlight.

God she was beautiful; she was perfect; she was here, and she loved him.

“Oh Cloud, I love it.” Aerith’s fingers ghosted over his cheek as he stared in absolute wonder at her. “Although,” her eyes flashed with mischief as she leaned towards him once again. “I think I like this present a little more.” And with that, she kissed him again fiercely.

Cloud gathered her up in his arms and held her tight as he kissed her back. “Yeah…me too.”

She giggled into his lips and draped her arms around his neck, pulling her body flush against his. “Happy birthday to me.”

Epilogue

“Hey Cloud! Buddy! Why the long face!”

Zack’s voice rang out and cut through the din of celebration as he sauntered towards where Cloud leaned against the wall on the edge of the party.

“Oh, hey Zack…I’m just…” His voice trailed off as he nervously fiddled with the small box in his pocket. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Cloud,” Zack wrapped an arm bracingly around Cloud’s shoulders in a brotherly show of affection. “You love her, right?”

Cloud glanced indignantly up at the taller man. “Of course, I do.” Was it even a question?

Zack just rolled his eyes. “And she loves you, right?”

Cloud’s words caught in his throat. Of course, Aerith loved him, but did she love him enough? That was the question that had been playing on Cloud’s mind for weeks as he’d carefully devised his plan of action.

He cast his gaze across the room to where Aerith stood, chatting merrily with Tifa and Barret. She was wearing that same red dress that never failed to take Cloud’s breath away; her face was lit up by a radiant smile as she laughed at something Tifa must have said.

As if sensing his gaze, Aerith turned her head to lock eyes with him across the room and gave him an affectionate wave together with a wink. Cloud smiled back nervously; hoping he’d come across as relatively normal hadn’t let her on to what was playing through his mind.

He and Aerith had been together for almost exactly four years, and once again, her house was filled with the sounds of laughter and frivolity as they celebrated yet another birthday.

Well…in reality it was now their house, as Cloud had moved in with Aerith about a year ago.

Zack shook him a little to break him out of his trance. “She does.” Cloud glanced up at the devilish smile that played across Zack’s lips. “Now,” the older man continued, “you know what to do. Just get in place, and I’ll send her out.”

When Cloud showed no signs of movement Zack gave him a shove. “Get going, Romeo! You got this man; I believe in you.”

Cloud shot an annoyed look back at his friend but continued to stumble towards the door that led to the backyard.

The cool night air washed over his face as he stepped outside into the quiet tranquility of the yard. It was a beautiful night – the sky was clear, and the crescent moon shone down, bathing the space in a soft glow that illuminated the countless flower beds and planters strewn about.

Cloud smiled to himself. He figured he could probably name every type of flower out here by heart at this point – he’d taken to watching Aerith as she worked outside; gently tending to the plants, turning the soil, planning out which flowers would go where. He loved watching her – he could do it for hours and never tire of seeing how her face lit up with delight as she ensured that her babies were doing well.

“Heya.” A soft voice rang out behind him, and Cloud’s heart jumped into his throat as he turned to see Aerith standing at the door with her hands clasped behind her back. “Zack said you wanted to talk to me?” Her expression was unreadable, and Cloud fumbled over his words like a lovesick teenager.

“Uh…yeah, I do.” It was becoming very hard to form proper sentences; his heart was pounding in his chest as he stared at her. She was simply angelic in the moonlight, and for the millionth time, Cloud wondered how on earth he had gotten so lucky.

Aerith giggled at his stunned silence. “Sooooo? What is it?” Her eyes sparkled in the darkness as she looked at him affectionately.

“I uhhh,” Cloud swallowed. He knew he couldn’t screw this up. He’d spent too long planning it to back out now, and he wanted this. He wanted this so badly. “I just…wanted to ask you something.” His hand found the box in his pocket and he dropped his gaze to the ground in embarrassment as he fiddled with it anxiously.

“Yes.”

Cloud’s head shot back up in surprise to find that the sparkle in Aerith’s eyes had become a shimmer, and a knowing smile played across her lips.

“B-but,” Cloud stammered, caught completely off guard. “You didn’t even let me finish!”

But it was too late – Aerith had already leapt across the grass and thrown herself into Cloud’s arms, laughing joyfully.

“Oh Cloud,” she cried. “Of course I’ll marry you, silly!”

A torrent of happiness flooded Cloud’s body and he lifted her off the ground; a silly, lopsided grin pasted across his face as he spun her around in his arms.

When at last he put her down, they simply stood there; gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes; Aerith’s hand lifting to cup his cheek as tears glistened in her eyes. “I love you, Cloud.”

He grinned down at her and finally produced the small box from his pocket before sinking to his knee in front of her; ever the traditionalist.

Inside sat a thin band of silver encrusted with a line of diamonds, and highlighted by a single, sparkling emerald. He removed the ring and extended his hand; which Aerith gracefully took and let him slide the ring onto her finger.

“Cloud…” she whispered – her voice nearly breaking with overflowing emotion. “It’s perfect.”

Before he could answer, she’d launched herself forward again – throwing her arms over his shoulders and bending down to kiss him.

“I love you too, Aerith,” Cloud murmured into her lips.

As he stood up again – lips still locked together with hers, a cheer erupted from inside the house, and the couple turned to see Tifa, Barret, Jessie, Biggs, Wedge, and Zack standing with their noses pressed against the glass.  

Cloud smirked, “so much for being private and romantic,” he said sheepishly.

“Oh, let them stare, they’re just jealous.” Aerith grinned up at him before pulling him down into another kiss.

FIN