Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter 1
Athena

It’s the night before the push towards the Crucible.
I’ve been feeling sick the past couple of weeks, so I ask Liara to come up to my cabin.
I tell her my symptoms and she tells me to come with her to the Med Bay, where she fills in Dr Chakwas on what’s been happening, and Dr Chakwas looks distraught, and I feel like something is wrong. So badly wrong that they’re not wanting to tell me.

Dr Chakwas scans me, and the audible gasp from all three of us, leaves us speechless.

I’m pregnant. With Garrus Vakarian’s baby. It must be the Genophage Cure, there’s no other way that this could be possible – it didn’t just help out the Krogans, it helped me out too.
Maybe my cybernetic enhancements are also helping…

But I’m pregnant, and the end of the Reaper War is upon us. One final push and we’ll all be saved.
But what if I lose my life? What if I have to trade my life in order to save all life across the galaxy?

Dr Chakwas and Liara tell me to tell Garrus, and I tell them I will, but for now this must be sworn to secrecy – nobody else must know.
Dr Chakwas agrees, though Liara protests.

I go back to my cabin to think things over, when Garrus asks if he can come up. I let him in, this may be the last chance to be in each other’s arms. I just want to hold him.

A Child. I’m pregnant with his child, I don’t know how to tell him when we could be dead tomorrow.
I want to keep the child; we’ve talked about children before, back on the Citadel. We were told our biology wasn’t compatible.
Well, we were proven wrong.

I know I must win this war, to come home to Garrus. We promised ourselves to each other and I know that there is something worth fighting for. I have never loved anybody the way I love Garrus.

In walks Garrus and I feel sick again; I’m happy to see him, but considering the circumstances, I don’t know what to tell him or what to say.
He can see that I don’t look the best.

“Athena… I heard you were in the Med-Bay. What’s wrong?”

I freeze. Do I tell him? I said I’d tell him… but the words do not come.

“It’s just my body isn’t coping with all this stress, Garrus. Nothing the end of the Reaper War can’t fix.” I lie.

Well, I don’t consider it a lie. I know I’ll feel better when the War is over. We’re so, so close.
But we could lose everything to get to the end. But if I survive and make it back to Garrus… everything will have been worth it.

We spend the night in each other’s arms. I have a nightmare and Garrus comforts me.
He gets up to leave, but I ask him to stay. We spend as much time as we can together and that’s when I tell him, tears pouring down my face.

He is stunned.

“Are you.. are you sure?”

I nod and he places his hand on my stomach, looking at me.

“You can’t go out there, Athena. I need you, we all need you. Our baby needs you.” He says.

“If I don’t go out there, who will activate the Crucible?” I ask Garrus.

“You leave that up to me.” Garrus says, determination in his voice.

“Garrus, they won’t listen to you!” I exclaim, trying to get him to see reason, I’m trying not to panic and I’m also trying to think of some way we will activate the Crucible.

“They will if you give the word that I’m doing it because I volunteered.” Garrus replies

It’s clear it’s taken him seconds to come up with this crazy plan, but we don’t have long to think of something else.
This may be the only way.

“They can’t know I’m pregnant. If they see that I’m not on the battlefield, the soldiers will lose morale. I’m going to activate the Crucible, Garrus Vakarian. It’s the only way.” I say,

“We’ll find another way!” Garrus doesn’t mean to yell and apologises almost instantly.

We get interrupted by EDI telling us that somebody wishes to speak to me.
Nobody else must know about the pregnancy. The mission comes first.
The mission MUST come first.

Garrus takes my hand.

“Athena..” he whispers.

“I know Garrus, I know…”

We get our clothes on and our armour, making our way to where we need to be.

Everyone is watching us, everyone wants to know what’s going to happen. But some of them know that this is it, the final push… and some of us won’t make it.
Both Garrus and I have no idea what’s to come, but there is so much at stake. What are we going to do?

Chapter Text

Chapter 2
Athena (continued)

Everything starts off as normal. I proceed with the original plan as we push through London to get to where we need to go, all the while I’m saying goodbye to old friends and allies, thinking that this might be the last time I ever see them.
I don’t know if I’ll survive this, but everyone knows I’m tough to kill.

Garrus and I keep talking about how this is a bad idea, but we know I have to be the one to do this – it’s my job and everyone is depending on me.
I’m scared, and he is too. None of this situation is great, none of it.
We don’t know what to do or say to make us feel better, and as the moment approaches that we know we’re finally at the end, the both of us have a serious talk.

I didn’t realise it them, but something was off about Garrus. He didn’t really seem like he was… Garrus, if that makes any sense? His mind was somewhere else and I knew he was struggling with everything we’d talked about on the Normandy, but I knew he knew how to clear his head in time for battle.
I knew he knew how to focus. I know him better than anyone else.

Garrus does not fight me, as we get ready to make the final push towards the Crucible.
We’re almost there, and the nightmare is almost over.
Tali is behind us, when we hear a human soldier scream.

“Watch out!!!”

A Mako is sent flying by the Reaper’s beam, which sends me and Tali flying. Everything goes black for a couple of seconds and the pain is unbearable. There is mud and blood everywhere, but my armour has protected me for the most part.
I cannot stand up, without help. I try to stand up and scream out in pain.

Garrus runs over to me, calling Joker on his Omni Tool.

“Commander Shepard is hurt, we need an evac immediately!” Garrus looks me in the eyes and helps me to Tali, who is fine.

“Who the hell is going to the Crucible then?” We hear an Alliance member snap back at us through our Omni Tools.

“I’ll do it, just send the Normandy!” Garrus yells.

Nobody dares argue. The Normandy comes into sight and Liara comes rushing down to help me back onto the ship, reaching for Tali.
I turn my head back to Garrus, desperate to say something.

“Garrus Vakarian, I am your Commander. You cannot do my job for me!” I’m crying because I know what’s about to happen

“Yes I can! The people need you to survive. I need you to survive, and you’re hurt. I couldn’t live with myself if I let you die here.” Garrus speaks strong, but his eyes say otherwise.

I reach out for him, and he pulls me closer for a second.

“You live your life, Commander. You’ve done your job, and done it well. Let me handle the Crucible.”

“Garrus...I…”

“Athena, know that I love you. I always have and I will scream it to the universe if I have to. I don’t care what happens to the others, you have to let me do this. For you. For us.”

“I love you, Garrus Vakarian. You better come back to me.” I sob.

He kisses me, and pulls away,

“I...love you too. Don’t forget that, okay?” He whispers, and that shatters my heart into a thousand pieces.

He doesn’t look back when he turns and I can only watch as he starts running towards the beam of light.
Will this even work for him? I do not know.

“I have to go back. I have to go after him.” I say, once he’s out of earshot.

“Shepard, you can’t.” Tali tells me, helping Liara take me towards the Med Bay as my whole body feels like it’s on fire.

I get checked over, me and the baby are fine but Tali finds out and I wish I could see her face under that mask – I know she must be thinking the worse of me… she has to be.
I’m such a fool.

We’re forced to move away and fly out of range of the Reaper and I know that this is it, we can’t go back until the job is done.
I ask to be left alone as I go back to my cabin – telling EDI to answer to the Alliance on my behalf. I know she’ll make the right decisions, she knows how I feel and how Garrus feels. I give her a run-down on what to say anyway.

I look around the room I share with Garrus – there are photos from the party on the Citadel on my desk, and one of us together, pictured by the paparazzi at a club.
I pick it up, looking at it.

“Oh Garrus, you just couldn’t listen to me, could you?” I whisper “My Garrus…”

I cry until I can cry no more and let my emotions get the better of me. I almost lost him when he took the missile to the face. I don’t want to lose him now, or ever, really.
I don’t care what the others think about us, I don’t care about anything else in the world any more; except for everything Garrus and I had planned and promised each other that we would do.

He’s my best friend, and there is no Shepard without Vakarian.

Chapter Text

Chapter 3
Garrus

Athena had done so much for the galaxy, I couldn’t let her die again.
I can’t lose her again.
If knowing that she lives, whilst I may die… it breaks my heart, but I accept that this may be the only way to save everything we’ve ever worked for.
I don’t know what came over me, when I decided it was time for me to activate the Crucible. Maybe it was just my mind telling me that this is the way to make up for any wrongdoings I’ve ever done, everyone I’ve ever made an enemy out of and all those people that have died under my watch… maybe this is my time to repent.

I’ve always wanted to settle down and retire, with Athena. Somewhere where we’ll be wanted, somewhere we can find peace and get married and… have our kids.
When she told me she is pregnant, I was shocked. I didn’t think it was possible, but then again, this is Commander Shepard we’re talking about and anything is possible.

“Vakarian has approached the Crucible!” I hear over my Omni Tool, and it’s EDI talking to Admiral Hackett.

I know my Father is out there, fighting for us, for Palaven and we are going to win this.
If I survive this, I’m gonna get one hell of a talk from him.
I’m going to be Garrus Vakarian: The Turian Hero. The one that disobeyed Commander Shepard.

But it’s going to be worth it in the end.

Everything goes bright and I find myself at a hub, with a little AI that takes the shape of a boy.
Up the slope, I see a console which holds the final act of the war – ending it all.

“A Turian?” I didn’t know an AI could sound surprised at all. “We were expecting a human, where is Shepard?”

“I’ve taken her place. Tell me what I need to do.” I reply, walking up the slope.

The AI introduces itself as The Catalyst and explains what needs to be done.

“You can control the Reapers, make them do your bidding… but you will die and ascend to a higher being. You will become one with the Reapers, but they will answer to your command.”

I would rather die than control the Reapers. Whilst this may be a good idea, to control the Reapers, it would mean that they would still exist – and these fuckers need to be wiped from existence.

“Any other options?” I ask.

“You could destroy the Reapers completely.” The AI boy says, Which sounds like the best option “Or, you could merge the synthetic and the organic. Or, just simply refuse, and let the Reapers win.”

Let the Reapers win? Fuck that. That’s out of the question. We’ve come so far and this choice is up to me, If I refuse, I’m throwing away what the past couple of months have lead to
We’ve lost and gained so much at the same time.

I see something to the right of me, that needs shooting. The entire structure needs shooting, and I walk down the path.

I’ve made my choice. I can only hope to survive what is about to happen – because I know this explosion will be big, but it will end everything.
I hesitate – this will truly be the end of everything. My Commander will live, and so will the rest of them… but EDI. It means we’ll have to lose EDI. And all other life like her.

My Omni Tool isn’t working, so I cannot say that I am sorry for what I’m about to do.
It’s the best choice, the best thing I can do.

Athena, everything I’ve ever done since I met you, has been for you and the good of the galaxy. You’ve inspired me so much and I want to make it up to you.
Time and time again I’ve proven that I would lay down my life for you, and now is the time I get to choose our fate – the galaxy is depending on me to make the right choice.
Athena, you’re not just my lover, you’re my best friend and there is no Vakarian without Shepard.

I don’t plan on dying today. But if that’s the price to pay for the galaxy to be at peace, then maybe that’s what I have to do.

I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory, is this where it gets me, on my feet, several feet ahead of me? I see it coming, do I run or fire my gun or let it be?
I know that if I die here, this is how they’ll remember me – a hero. Not as Archangel, not as the Turian boyfriend of the best Commander in the galaxy.

I’ll be a hero.

We’re gonna raise a glass to freedom, and I plan to live to see Athena again. I know she’ll come back for me.

I aim my pistol at what is in front of me, and fire a few rounds. Everything explodes, and I am thrown backwards.
Everything goes black.

Chapter Text

Chapter 4
Athena

EDI dies the moment the Crucible activated. We get word that Garrus has succeeded, but we are forced to use the relay to get away from the blast and the relays around the galaxy break, so we cannot go back.

I personally see to it that over the next few months, the relays get rebuilt. They are vital to travelling around the galaxy.
We check for signs of Garrus, wherever we go. No reports of our missing hero.
The Alliance want to honour him and make him a Spectre, though they know Garrus abandoned that idea many times.

The Council agrees that more should be done to honour Garrus Vakarian, the Turian hero, and so when they have enough money and resources, they build two statues – one to go on Palaven, and one that resides not far from our apartment on the Citadel.

He will get the rank of Commander when we find him alive. Not if, but when we find him alive.
Every day that passes, I can’t help but think about those two years where I’d died and how alone he must have felt… how desperate he must have been to have some form of stability in his life.

I’m not giving up on him, I made him a promise, and he made me a promise. We would love each other until the end of time. There was no-one else for us.
Nobody came even close in regards of feelings, except maybe Liara and Tali but they’re my best friends.
They’ve both been there for me and Garrus since the very beginning. They’re my best friends

I’m about five months pregnant now, so a couple of months have passed at this point, where we cannot locate one bastard Turian who was last seen on Earth, in London, the UK.

Where could he be? I know he’s not dead. They would have found a body by now.
I don’t know what to do. I think about calling the Alliance to get Ashley to help me search London again, but I don’t make the call.

A call comes in a few days later, asking to be connected straight to the Normandy. It’s super distorted, but there is live video footage as well, and Joker tells me that I should take the call.

“It’s probably the Alliance…” I mutter under my breath.

I’m alone in my private cabin on the Normandy, one I usually share with Garrus – nothing else in here but my fish.
Joker patches the call through… and I see him.

There isn’t a scratch on the stubborn bastard. He looks like nothing has happened to him. He’s not on Earth, I don’t know where he is.

“Garrus…” I breathe in, steadying myself.

“My, don’t you look divine?”

I thank whatever God is up there, that this isn’t being broadcasted across the Normandy. I can’t help but blush.

“We’ve been searching so long for you.” I emphasise every word, slowly and painfully like I was opening a fresh wound. “Where are you?”

“With the Human refugees on Horizon. I only just arrived, Am I allowed to come home?”

I nod, laughing a little. How the hell had he ended up on Horizon?

“We’re gonna be right there. Don’t go anywhere, Garrus Vakarian. We have a lot to catch up on.”

“Athena?” Garrus asks me.

“Yes, Garrus?” I reply.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Garrus Vakarian, my hero.” I say proudly, telling Joker to head for Horizon.

I give my own boyfriend a salute, and end the call.

It isn’t long before we land on Horizon. I can’t run fast any more , but Garrus sweeps me off my feet.
I ask him to explain where he’s been and why we couldn’t find him and Garrus tells us that some local medics found him and took him to the local hospital In London, seeing as he was mostly fine, Garrus went from ship to ship full of refugees from Earth, wanting to find us. His Omni Tool had only just been fixed.

Nobody really recognised his face, despite the fact that he was all over the news all across the Galaxy about what he’d done and that’s why he went under the radar for months. All the focus was really on helping Humanity and other races, rebuild what had been lost.

I tell Garrus that the Alliance wants to make him a Commander, but Garrus rejects the idea.

“The only worthy Commander in my heart, is you.” he says.

He holds me close, asking me how I’ve been and I tell him the truth I tell him that we’re having a baby girl, and the baby seems more Turian than Human. I throw a few name suggestions, Castana – a combination of Solana and Castis, which Garrus likes the sound of.
Garrus throws in some other names – like Octatina, Siginia, Talia or Menae, after Palaven’s moon.
We have time to think about names.

Garrus tells me what he can remember on the Crucible and the choice he had to make.

I tell him he did the right thing. And now he’s back, and we can retire and live a life we’ve always wanted to live… if he still wanted to.
Of course he wants to.

“You’re my hero, you know that right?” I ask Garrus with a small smile. “All those that know you, think you’re a hero.”

“How long do you think it’ll be before they put us on trial for war crimes?” Garrus playfully jokes and I try to punch him playfully, only to instantly regret it

I get the Normandy cook to whip Garrus up a meal, because he looks like he hasn’t had a decent meal in weeks.
After that, we go back to the Citadel, and I ask him to marry me. I know that Turians have a different way of showing their love, but its pretty similar to Humans in some aspects.

“You know I’ll always and forever be yours.” Garrus replies

We get married above the Presidium, in the same spot he asked me if I was ready to be a ‘One-Turian kind of woman’. Liara officiates the wedding, the only other person in attendance is Tali as we wanted it to be a small event, but somehow the paparazzi still manage to plaster the photos everywhere and we are swarmed with questions

We spend the next few months dealing with helping refugees, whilst attending to the needs of the Alliance and the Council – we can’t retire yet, not when so many people need us.
People always following us, wanting interviews about what the Reaper War was like from our point of view, what happened in the Crucible etc, but Liara sends in a few friends to make sure they leave us all alone.

Apparently, threatening them with her abilities that she can do with her mind, works a treat

Liara and Tali move to the Citadel permanently to help us out, and because there is no place they would rather be. Tali becomes an assistant to Garrus in his work in C-Sec and Liara works with Dr Chakwas at the hospital whilst still working as The Shadow Broker.

With Aria’s help, Garrus turns Omega into a respectable place and it’s amazing what he did.

I’m doing paperwork in our apartment on the Citadel as I’m grounded from doing any physical work, whilst Garrus is dealing with calls not far from our apartment when I feel like a balloon has popped and I realise what is going on. The pain keeps getting worse.
My waters have broken.

“Garrus?” I call him over my Omni-Tool "I think we’re gonna need to call Liara and Dr Chakwas. My waters have broke.”

I’ve only ever seen him run once before, and it was a sight to behold. We get to the hospital in plenty of time and I give birth to a healthy Turian-Human hybrid who looks Turian, but has five digits on her hands and feet,

We name our beautiful daughter Avina Menae.

“This is the greatest gift of all.” Garrus and I say simultaneously, looking at each other and laughing, before taking in everything that had happened the past nine months.

I really wouldn’t change a thing. Okay maybe I should have activated the Crucible, but this? This was worth it