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Will had known since he was child that he wanted to save lives. At six years old, he could never be found without a fanny pack filled with band-aids, alcohol wipes, and Neosporin. His first grade teacher called him the class medic and Will beamed every time he heard the nickname.
First grade was also when Will started to realize that maybe he wanted to take lives too. It was nearing the end of the school year and his class was on the playground for recess. The sun was warm on his skin and the grass itched his thighs. Instead of playing with his classmates, he sat across from the swings and watched vigilantly for any possible danger or injuries. Will stood abruptly as he watched the class bully shove Will’s best friend, Austin, to the ground. Will’s first thought was about helping Austin, but his second was about wanting to hurt that bully. That desire terrified Will, he was supposed to be the doctor, the healer, and the thoughts that filled his mind now made him cry. He burst into tears as he watched the child bully stand over his friend, sneering. His teacher wrote it off as extreme empathy, surely Will was crying because someone was hurt (not because he wanted to hurt someone instead). Will, still crying loudly, walked over to where his friend was lying on the ground. His teacher was already standing there, trying to soothe Austin, who was whimpering and clutching a scraped knee. Hot tears ran down Will's face and he hiccupped as he knelt next to his friend, unzipping his fanny pack and pulling out his supplies with shaky hands. He was taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself down so he could help.
Will held the alcohol wipe, hovering slightly over the injury, and said "This might sting."
As he gently pressed the wipe to Austin's knee, Austin winced. The sharp spike of euphoria that hit Will at his reaction made him start to sob all over again. As Will cleaned the dirt from Austin's knee and prepared a band-aid, he heard the teacher reprimand the bully. He smoothed the spiderman bandage down and stood up, reaching a hand out to Austin to help him stand as well, Will glanced over at the teacher. The bully was pouting, upset by being scolded, but he didn't look sorry, he looked satisfied. That made Will angry, furious actually. He wanted to push that kid down like he had done to Austin, he wanted to kick him and hit him.
Will went home that day confused and afraid, questioning himself more than any six year old should.
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At age twelve, Will had felt more sure in himself than ever. He was going to be a doctor and he was going to save lives. But he also had come to the conclusion that in order to save lives, to truly save lives, some preemptive action was necessary sometimes. Some people just shouldn’t be alive because the harm they caused to others was far too great. When Will grew up and was working on becoming a doctor, he would seek those people out and focus all his aggressive and hostile desires on them. By ridding the world of those who would only cause suffering, he was succeeding in his goal. He could have the best of both worlds and Will anxiously awaited the day he was old enough to do so.
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At age fourteen, all of Will’s rationale collapsed around him when his brothers died. It was a car accident, a drunk driver that had plowed right into the side of his family’s car. Their car flipped off the side of the road and Will remembers his seatbelt trapping him in place as they hung upside down. He remembers his mother screaming and he remembers watching Michael die. Lee had died almost instantly from the impact and his lifeless body dangled in the seat next to Will. But Michael had died slowly, his breathing was labored and blood was pouring from his head somewhere. Will was terrified. Will had tried to mumble reassurances to Michael, but he himself was barely conscious. He tried to reach out and help him, heal him , but he couldn’t find the source of the blood and he couldn’t unbuckle himself. He wasn’t able to save his brother so he held his hand. Will held his brother’s hand as he died.
After that, Will was at war with himself. His grief was choking him but more than that, his rage was crushing him. White, hot fury consumed his every breath, he could feel it in the tips of his fingers and lingering on his tongue. WIll was caught in an overwhelming wave of emotion and he didn’t think that he would ever escape.
Is this what death did to people? Will wondered, If this is what death brought, then I’m never going to be responsible for it.
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Then, at age fifteen, Will met Nico. Nico di Angelo understood what it was like to drown in grief and anger and he pulled Will out of the ocean they were both stuck in.
They had met in high school and they immediately became joined at the hip. It was nearly impossible to find one without the other. They had a group of other friends but when they all sat together at lunch, Will and Nico stayed huddled next to each other, whispering and trading food. They were teased mercilessly, especially by Percy Jackson and Cecil Markowitz, but the pair didn’t ever acknowledge it. Sure, they cared for their other friends but what Nico and Will had was just different. They never even really started dating, they just were together .
The only time Will had felt nervous about telling Nico something was when he decided he wanted to tell him about his thoughts. They were lying next to each other on Will’s bed, their hands intertwined as they stared at his ceiling.
“Nico?” Will whispered.
“Yeah?” Nico responded.
“Can I tell you something?” he asked.
“Anything.”
“You have to promise me that you won’t, like, judge me or leave.”
Nico squeezed Will’s hand, “Never, I promise.”
“Sometimes I have these thoughts , I guess,” Will huffed, “Dark thoughts, scary thoughts. It’s like sometimes, I’m overtaken by this urge to hurt people. Well, actually, to kill people. I want to kill people, Nico.”
Nico was silent and Will could feel his heart racing. This is too far, he panicked, I shouldn’t have told him. He’s afraid of me, he’s going to leave.
Will’s mind was running rampant in the quiet and he was about to dart out of the room, run out of his own house, when Nico finally spoke, “Do you ever want to hurt me?”
Will shot up on the bed, his eyes wide, “No! Never! I have never wanted to hurt you, I swear.”
Nico sat up as well and turned to face Will, still holding his hand tightly. Nico looked at Will and brought his other hand up to Will’s face. Will squeezed his eyes shut and leaned into Nico’s touch.
“I believe you, Will,” Nico said softly.
“Do you hate me?” Will asked.
“Never. I could never hate you. And I’m not afraid of you either. Those things that you think, it’s okay,” Nico told him.
“When I was younger, before Micahel and Lee died, I used to think that maybe I actually would. Kill someone, I mean. I decided that some people deserved it, that the harm some people caused outweighed any value in their life. But then, after Michael and Lee, I decided that I couldn’t do that. Their death was the worst thing that's ever happened to me and I couldn’t do that to someone else, because it wouldn’t be the person who deserved it that was hurting,” Will whispered.
Nico squinted his eyes and sighed, stroking his thumb across Will’s cheek before he pulled his hand away. Nico looked deeply into Will’s eyes. “I don’t think-” he paused, “I don’t think that you’re entirely right about that. Losing your brothers hurt, it hurt worse than anything, but your brothers were good. I don’t think that you would have felt the same if they were bad, or cruel, or dangerous. The man who hit you, who killed Michael and Lee, I don’t think anyone would miss him in the same way.”
Confusion flashed and Will's eyes, “What are you saying?” he questioned.
Nico gulped, “If you did ever, you know, kill someone, someone who deserved it, I don’t think you would be hurting anyone in the same way. Like if you killed that drunk driver, who would miss him? I mean really, truly miss him? He may have family but he killed people, how much can his family truly care for him when he’s a murderer?”
“But if I killed people, I would be a murderer too,” Will retorted.
“Yeah but it’s different. You would be like, ridding the world of evil,” Nico said, smirking slightly.
They were silent as Will studied Nico’s face, searching for any hint of fear or disgust. Instead, all he saw was love, and maybe slight amusement. Will breathed sharply, “So you want me to kill someone?”
Nico gaped slightly but then quickly closed his mouth, and then huffed, “No, that is not what I’m saying. I mean, uh, I’m just saying it wouldn’t be a deal breaker.”
Shock was etched across Will’s face and Nico blushed brightly, embarrassed by his own response. Before he could backtrack, Will broke out into a grin and pulled Nico toward him, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy tightly.
“I love you!” Will exclaimed.
“I love you too,” Nico echoed, his face buried in WIll’s shoulder.
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Will killed someone for the first time at age twenty-one. To be fully honest, he didn’t even know the guy's name, but the day had been permanently etched in his memory. Will had been walking home one night from work when he saw a commotion in some alley on his route home. He peeked his head around the corner and saw a man shakily pointing a gun at a young woman, demanding her purse. The woman was crying and looking around desperately as she started shoving her purse in the direction of the man. Even with the purse at his feet, the robber didn’t lower the gun.
He’s going to kill her, Will realized.
Will dropped his backpack on the pavement and snuck up quietly behind the man, holding a finger to his mouth in a shushing motion so the woman wouldn’t react. As soon as he was in range, Will sprung at the burglar and wrangled his arm down, keeping the gun from being pointed at anyone. Will looked up at the woman as he wrestled the man to the ground, his eyes wild, “Run!” he commanded.
Will looked back at the perpetrator, and saw the woman grab her purse and scramble away out of the corner of his eye. Will had been taking anatomy classes for years so he knew exactly where to apply pressure to force the man to release the gun. As he heard the metal hit the concrete, Will shifted so he was hovering over the burglar, his hands wrapped around his throat.
Later that night, when Will walked into his and Nico’s apartment, he was still buzzing with adrenaline. Nico rushed up to him and started freaking out, seeing the bruises and scratches across Will’s skin.
“Will! Oh my god! What happened? Are you okay?” Nico shouted as he desperately grabbed at Will, checking his face and arms for any other injuries.
“I did it,” Will said, his voice scarily still.
Nico paused his worrying and looked at Will cautiously, “Did what?”
“Killed someone” he stated, his eyes flicking down to see Nico’s reaction.
Many emotions flashed across the smaller boy’s face before he asked, “Why?”
“He was going to kill a woman, he had a gun pointed at her and he tried to take her purse. She gave it to him, but he didn’t move. I promise, Neeks, he was going to kill her,” Will told him.
Nico grabbed the sides of Will’s face and pulled him down, crashing their lips together. Will responded immediately, frantically moving his mouth against Nico’s and biting down lightly. Nico moaned lewdly and moved his hands to grip the blond’s hair. Will couldn’t get enough of the kiss, enough of Nico, and bit down on Nico’s lips again. The shorter man gasped slightly and leaned even more into his boyfriend. Will moved his hands from Nico's waist to the back of his thighs, gripping tightly. Nico moved his mouth down and started pressing kisses to Will's jaw and throat. Just as Will moved his neck to give Nico easier access, the brunette broke away suddenly, panting. The blonde whined at the loss but was cut off by Nico’s words, “I’m so proud of you, Tesoro .”
The absolute exhilaration that ran through Will at Nico’s words, at Nico’s touch and reaction, was shocking. Will felt high. This is addicting he thought, This has to happen again.
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The first time that Will killed someone for Nico, Nico hadn’t asked him to do it. The night he did it, Nico had come home from work in tears, crying about a supervisor at work that was harassing him. The rage that filled Will as he watched Nico cry was debilitating. He was struggling between wanting to comfort Nico and to rush out the door and fucking castrate the person making Nico feel this way. He decided, for the moment, Nico was more important. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and held him as his body shook with sobs. Will rubbed his back, whispering soothing words.
Eventually, when Nico had calmed down, Will lifted his boyfriend’s head up to look at him with a finger hooked beneath his chin. “What can I do, baby?” Will asked.
Nico sighed, squeezing his eyes closed, “I don’t know. I just need to get used to it, I guess. I don’t really have any other options.”
Will hated that but he wasn’t going to say that to Nico right now, so instead he offered to go and get them food from Nico’s favorite Chinese restaurant. Nico nodded aggressively and smiled softly, moving off of Will and making himself as small as possible on the couch. The brunette pulled a blanket up to his chin and watched his boyfriend with wide, watery eyes as Will grabbed his wallet and keys. On his way out, he pressed a kiss to the top of Nico’s head and assured him that when he got home, they could cuddle and watch a movie.
When Will did get home, he had a bag of Chinese food and an ID badge clutched in his hands. He set both of them down in front of Nico and Nico stared at them for a moment. He read the name on the badge, Minos Crete , Nico’s supervisor. For a moment, his face was neutral, but then he looked up at Will, beaming. Will grinned as well and sat next to Nico, who immediately moved onto his lap and straddled him.
“I love you so fucking much,” Nico muttered just before he kissed Will.
Will smiled into the kiss, grabbing Nico’s thighs and pulling him closer. It started soft, mostly Nico trying to show how grateful he was, but it quickly became far deeper and more intense. The adrenaline Will felt after killing someone demanded release and Nico was more than willing to help. Nico buried his fingers in his boyfriend's hair and sighed, letting Will take control of the kiss. Will bit Nico’s lips to get him to open his mouth and as soon as he did, he pushed his tongue in. The smaller boy moaned, becoming putty in Will’s hands. The blonde craved this, the trust and adoration that Nico poured into his kisses.
He’s my soulmate, Will thought, I’ll do anything for him.
And Will had never meant anything more.