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The first time Louis calls Harry, he regrets the decision immediately.
Sometimes, Louis would wake up in the middle of the night and dial Harry’s phone number, especially after a particularly rough night. Since One Direction had split up it had been difficult to rest at night, and he knew the reason why as much as he didn’t want to admit it to himself.
He had gotten a new phone a couple weeks ago, and it’s the only reason why he was ballsy enough to call the number he has committed to memory long ago.
Louis desperate to hear the voice that he had missed so much, no matter how painful the reminder was.
He hadn’t realized he had made a routine of it until his new roommate had pointed it out one day. They were somehow able to recognize that it had been helping Louis cope with the aftermath of One Direction breakup, and they were kind enough to keep any comments to themselves. Still, that didn’t stop some of the knowing glances that he received time to time, but he never paid to much thought to them.
The insomnia had calmed down as the weeks passed by, but it never truly went away. So, when Louis wakes up at four in the morning, sitting upright with his eyes wide open, he doesn’t hesitate to grab his phone on the night stand.
Old habits die hard, and he doesn’t properly think as he listens to phone ring against his ear. He gets out of bed and begins to pace the room, letting the feeling of the cold floor distract him as he impatiently waits for the call to run to voicemail.
He always banks on Harry ignoring numbers he doesn’t recognize, and he knows that it could easily pass as a sales call. He also knows that the man is a heavy sleeper, and he uses this to his advantage as he presses the phone closer to his ear.
Much to Louis’s shock, someone answers the line after the fourth ring, and he almost drops the phone when Harry speaks up.
“Who is this?”
Harry’s voice is slurred and groggy, and it’s clear that Louis had just woken him up from a deep sleep. He feels embarrassment flair up on his cheeks, and he tries to think of a quick answer to fix the situation.
“I must have butt dialed you- sorry about that.”
Louis hears a noncommittal hum, and he waits until he breathes a sigh of relief. If Harry were more awake, he would have seen through the lie in seconds, but it seems that he must have woken up from a REM cycle.
“Okay- goodnight Louis.”
It was clear that Harry was already falling back asleep even before the conversation had ended, yet the casualness of it all had Louis taken aback.
They hadn’t talked to each other in so long ever since One Direction made their break up official, and it makes him wonder if he and Harry didn’t have to break up themselves.
He shakes his head, suddenly angry with himself for entertaining the possibility. He doesn’t sleep for the rest of the night.
~
The second time Louis calls Harry, he isn’t as lucky.
Louis once again shoots out of bed and he doesn’t know where it comes from, but all he feels is the familiar temptation to contact Harry. Before he knows it, his hand moves to the nightstand on its own accord as if it were second nature.
He quickly dials the number and holds it to his ear, counting the rings until it hits Harry’s voicemail.
“Louis?”
Louis is horrified when Harry actually answers the phone, and he instantly scolds himself for making the same mistake twice.
“Sorry mate, I didn’t mean to call you- you can go back to sleep.”
“No, no, wait, is everything okay?”
Harry’s voice is thick with traces of sleep, though he unfortunately sounds much more aware this time around. Louis pinches at the bridge of his nose and holds back a groan.
“Yeah I’m fine, I must have butt dialed you or something.”
“In the middle of the night?”
Louis can practically see Harry’s eyebrows scrunching together, and he can’t help but smile with endearment when he hears the concern laced in his voice.
“Hey it happens, you and I both know I’m not one to have traditional sleeping patterns.” He keeps his voice lighthearted, hoping to distract Harry from the underlying issue.
“Louis, it’s three in the morning.”
Louis head snaps up and he checks the alarm clock in disbelief. Sure enough, the digital numbers read 4:12 AM. He holds back another groan as he accepts his fate.
“Look, I shouldn’t have called you, I promise it won’t happen again.”
There is a beat of silence on the other end of the line, and Louis wonders if Harry had fallen asleep during the conversation. He was about to hang up when Harry speaks again.
“Why did you call me anyway, I didn’t have your new number saved in my phone?” The words are spoken in a way that seem accusatory, but the softness in Harry’s tone makes Louis believe that he is genuinely curious.
There is no way that Louis would willingly tell Harry about the insomnia he’s been having over him. However, he tries to give an honest answer without revealing too much. He knew it would insult the man’s intelligence if he were to brush the question aside.
“Sometimes it’s nice to hear your voice, that’s all.”
Louis tries to convey all of his emotions when he says it, hoping that the unspoken admission of love is heard by Harry.
“Oh.” Judging by the uncharacteristic lack of words, the message had come across.
He is considering the best way to end the call when he hears movement and shuffling on the other end of the line.
“Well then, what do you want me to talk about?”
Louis blinks twice before processing what Harry was trying to do. Then, he scoffs.
“Go back to sleep Harry, I don’t need a bedtime story.”
“Nonsense, this is what I do best.”
Louis barks out a laugh. “Oh yeah, since when?”
“Fine, maybe I’m lying- but say I have a pretty majestic voice, should I sing you a song instead?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Hey, don’t be difficult now. Last offer before I hang up and leave your sorry ass to rot.”
Harry says it with a stern sound in his voice, but both of them new that he would never do it.
Later Louis would blame it on the time of night or maybe the lack of sleep he has been getting. Whatever the reason may vex he allows himself to rest against the soft pillow and keeps the phone pressed against his ear.
“Alright then, update me- I wanna hear it all.”
And so, Harry does.
~
The third time Louis calls Harry, it actually goes to voicemail.
At this point, Louis feels embarrassment as he calls the number, and it reminds him of the times he would wake him up while they were laying in bed together.
It had been one of the worst nights for his insomnia that he’s had in awhile. Still, he debates back and forth whether it would be morally acceptable to call Harry at six in the morning. In the end, he selfishly decides that he needs to hear his voice.
Despite the logical part of his brain insisting that Harry was resting, most likely drooling on his pillow back in his own apartment, he can’t help but seek the reassurance he has come to rely on since Harry had started answering his calls.
His heart feels like it breaks in half when no one answers the line, though he clings onto the sound of his voicemail just like he used to.
“You’ve reached Harry. Leave a message after the beep and I’ll get back to you whenever- thanks!”
Hearing the voice message unexpectedly causes Louis’s eyes to tear up, though he refuses to let them fall. He remembers the time when would he call Harry’s phone multiple times a day, desperate not to forget the sound of the man’s voice. He kept a picture of him in the kitchen so to keep his face on the forefront of his mind. He wears his sweatshirt at night so it feels like he’s laying in Harry’s arms.
He had done so many things in a desperate attempt to keep Harry in his life. Sometimes Louis felt like he was punishing himself when he would dial the number. It was a constant reminder of his failure to keep their relationship alive.
Still, Louis didn’t want to live in a world without Harry Styles in it. He would have done whatever it takes to make sure his love for him was never forgotten.
Today, Louis knows that he doesn’t have to rely on old voice messages and silly photographs to keep Harry in his mind. If he wanted, he could easily head over to his apartment and see him now.
They didn’t live too far away from one another, and they were on pretty good terms after spending so many nights calling each other. He knows that he’ll hear Harry’s voice soon enough, Louis would just have to wait until then.
He still has time with Harry, and that’s something that he would never take for granted.
~
The fourth time Louis calls Harry, it’s only one in the morning. Significantly early compared to the other times he has haphazardly picked up the phone.
Harry is completely lucid when he answers after the second ring, and Louis almost feels jealous as he attempts to separate himself from the looming insomnia of the night.
“Hey Louis, what’s up?”
Louis doesn’t respond for a moment. He holds the phone away from his ear so he can let out a cry.
He is mortified that he still has moments like these, but he also can’t bring himself to care as he tries to coherently talk to Harry, dignity be damned.
“Hey, I was just checking in.”
“You still can’t sleep?”
Louis holds back a laugh and quietly walks out of the bedroom, trying not to wake up his roommate.
“Yeah, but I’m feeling better already.”
“That’s good to hear.” And it sounded like Harry truly meant it.
“What are you doing up this late anyhow?”
Harry outwardly scoffs, and Louis smiles wide at the reaction.
“Are you kidding me, it’s one in the morning, I’m on my phone for another hour before I actually try and go to bed.”
“Don’t say it with so much pride- sleep is important.”
“You’re one to talk.”
Louis openly gasps with mock horror, making the sound as obnoxious as possible through the phone. “You wound me.”
The two of them had gotten much closer since they started reconnecting in the phone, and he was ecstatic to hear that Harry was comfortable enough to poke fun at him just like old times. Louis leans into the banter that they often share, and hears Harry laugh out loud. Just like that, he’s consumed by the feeling of love.
Louis will always adore the sound of Harry’s happiness.
~
The fifth time Louis calls Harry, it’s five in the morning, yet Harry sounds suspiciously awake.
“Harry, have you been sleeping at all ?”
“Yeah, yeah- of course I have.”
It has always been painfully obvious when Harry was keeping something from him, and even through the phone Louis could distinguish the blatant lie.
“Uh huh, and I’m Zayn Malik from One Direction.”
“Look I don’t know why you’re accusing me, you’re the one who called.”
Louis takes a deep breath and tries not to snap at Harry. Defensiveness means that he is definitely hiding something, and fighting won’t help either of them.
“You know you can tell me anything, right?”
There is obvious hesitation on the other end of the line, but Louis welcomes the uncomfortable silence. He has learned throughout the years that when it comes to getting Harry to talk, you cannot force it. While he always eventually confides with Louis, it never happens automatically.
“I’m okay.”
Louis sighs.
“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”
“I’m fine .”
Louis can sense Harry’s growing aggravation, and he can tell that he won’t get anywhere with him in the moment. He decides to drop it at least for tonight.
Louis had originally called to listen to Harry talk, a routine that the two of them were much too familiar with at this point. However, after hearing the slightest of wavers in Harry’s own voice tonight, he decides to handle the rambling, saying whatever thought comes to his mind and keeping his voice in a soft timbre with the hopes that Harry can relax to it.
He continues to talk until he hears Harry’s breaths even out, and once he is certain that he is finally sound asleep, he whispers a goodnight and attempts to doze off himself.
~
Louis is startled awake to his phone ringing in the middle of the night.
In all honesty, he shouldn’t be as surprised as he is when he picks up the phone and sees Harry’s name in bold letters.
Automatically, Louis thinks the worst and assumes that Harry is dying. He doesn’t know why he believes this, yet despite how irrational it is he fully leans into the terror.
He is out of bed and running to the door once the realization strikes. Then, he answers the call.
“ Are you dead? ”
There is silence on Harry’s end and it only confirms his suspicions. Dread fills Louis’s veins and he suddenly feels ice cold.
“Okay, okay, I’m on my way- can you tell me where you are?”
Finally, that jolts a reaction out of Harry.
“ Wait don’t come, why would I even be dying?”
Louis pauses in his tracks, faltering despite his instincts telling him to go find Harry.
“I’m not dead, I swear.”
Now, Louis simply felt ridiculous.
“Then why are you calling?” He doesn’t mean for the words to come out as harsh, but he can’t help it as he takes a moment to catch his breath.
There's an awkward silence, and Louis counts seven seconds before Harry responds. When he does his voice is so quiet, as if he were confessing a big secret.
“Sometimes it’s nice to hear your voice...”
The realization hits Louis instantly, and he hates that he hasn’t connected the dots sooner. Of course Harry would have a messed up sleep schedule of his of his own. It’s impossible to sleep when you have someone talking your ear off for most of the night.
He hadn’t realized that Harry would come to rely on it as well.
Louis had been ridiculously selfish from all the times he had called Harry in the middle of the night yet had never stopped to consider why or how he was so overly-willing to make conversation.
“You wanna talk about it?” Louis tries to keep his voice as gentle as possible, attempting to persuade Harry to actually share.
And for once, it works.
“It’s just... I miss you so much and I thought I was moving on from the breakup, but then we started talking again and I don’t know, I guess it made me realize that I don’t ever want to move on from you.”
Harry’s confession was a jumbled mess, and it was obvious that he was crying now. Maybe he had been crying for a while.
“Well it’s a good thing I’m right here to bother you, huh.”
Much to Louis’s horror, Harry offers a laugh that quickly turns into a sob.
“Can you come over?”
Harry asks the question as if he were afraid to, and Louis wishes he had acted upon this sooner, or at least before Harry had reached his breaking point. Another regret he’ll carry.
Louis was already in the car and on his way to the apartment, and he presses on the brakes as he ignores several traffic laws.
When Louis finally knocks on the door, it’s immediately swung open and then he’s engulfed by an armful of Harry.
It’s only when they have their bodies pressed against each other when he figures out why he has had so much trouble sleeping. He can’t do it without Harry by his side.
He repositions himself so he can hug Harry just a little tighter, and his breath hitches at the cries he lets out as he tucks his head into his shoulder.
Louis hates himself for not noticing the signs earlier, but he would do whatever it takes to fix the problem.
He had spent so much time pushing Harry away after the breakup, pretending that he didn’t care for him as much as he did. Those actions must have been what made Harry reluctant in calling Louis himself, and he can’t believe he ever thought about ending this.
He promises himself that he’s going to give more than just phone calls this time around.
So, when Harry tells him that his still loves him, Louis softly brushes the tears with the pad of his thumb and ensures that they are both okay. He ensures that he loves Harry more than life itself, and that he can always call if he needs too (a statement that he assumed was obvious).
The next night, when Harry calls at three in the morning, Louis is actually grateful for the interruption of sleep.
He picks up after the first ring.