Chapter Text

Take the Plan and Spin it Sideways

I Crave Your Mouth, Your Voice, Your Hair

They had made it into the warship a few hours before dawn. After he’d learned about Jinsung Ha’s location, Bam had been overwhelmed with a flurry of joy, suspicion, and relief. They were headed to Snake’s floating ship to coordinate with their allies. The flood of emotions exhausted him too much to put much thought into Snake’s mysterious ‘captain,’ or even process the possibility of rescuing his master. He was too drained from their long night of fighting, and for Bam, of failure.

So he focused on a singular concern: their inability to contact their allies. He waited for hours, strung as tight as a bow string. They hadn’t been in contact with anyone since they’d fled the wall. It had taken them a few hours to finally get in contact with the cage.

In the pale, pink light of the early morning, Khun relayed the news. ‘Some’ bad news as Khun had phrased it, cool and stiff as a glacier. Bam was overwhelmed by a fury so violent and raw that he just froze. After a moment, Rak asked if he was alright. Bam managed a tight nod.

“You should get some rest,” Khun said. He tucked a strand of pale blue hair behind his ear, drawing Bam’s eye to purplish smudges and delicate bags under Khun’s eyes. The light-bearer looked exhausted and shaken.

Khun caught his eye and gave him a probing look, brows soft and gaze concerned. Bam didn’t know what expression he wore, but he tried to convey that he would be alright. All he could manage was another tight nod.

Then Bam had found the nearest bedroom and shut himself inside.

He had been overwhelmed by a feral rage—rage against Jahad, against the 10 families, against the fools who followed them out of fear and sycophantic greed. The whole situation just kept escalating and he had begun to fully understand what a war would mean. There had been so many meaningless deaths. Innocent people had died because they refused to follow the destiny Jahad had assigned them. If he tried to rescue his Master he would be inadvertently start a war.

 But of course, he wasn’t really starting a war—he was just a little stone that had fallen out of place, threatening to bring an avalanche that would destabilize the entire mountain.  It was a war that would be simultaneously his fault and completely out of his control.

He had locked himself in his room for 10 hours, according to Khun’s lighthouse. 

When he emerged, Khun was sitting outside with 2 trays of food and a smile. It wasn’t one of the happy smiles he offered Bam during their reunions or the fierce baring of teeth during battle. It was a gentle curve of his small, perfectly shaped mouth. Beneath his knit brows, his cobalt eyes held a glint that Bam couldn’t quiet place—wariness or anxiety over Bam, relief to see him? Regardless, it eased the tightness in his chest to see Khun.

He’d lost track of long had he been cataloging Khun’s smiles.

“How are you feeling?” was all Khun said. He moved into Bam’s room the same way he moved in any space—like he owned it.  He brought the trays to the small table in the room, sat down, and waited for Bam to join him.

Bam did. He found a large bowl of noodles and a can of his favorite juice. Khun started to pick at his own food, patiently waiting for an answer.

“Better, I guess.” Bam said, then took a sip of juice. “I was so angry.” He wrestled with himself, still struggling to verbalize his feelings, “I still am so angry.”

“That’s okay, Bam,” Khun said gently. He jabbed at a piece of meat with his chopsticks, then glanced up at bam through thick, pale lashes. “You aren’t a god, remember?”

He wanted to say something like, “then how can I keep you--?” an instinctive mental adjustment, “all of you safe?” But that was out of his control too. He couldn’t save everyone.

Then Khun shifted his elbow on the table so that he could prop his face on his hand, knuckles against his cheek. Suddenly Khun was gazing up at him, blue eyes glittering through the icy fringe of his lashes. With every blink they cast wispy shadows against his fine cheekbones.  Bam blinked, mind going blank and then turning a sharp corner.

Khun looked so fucking good. For a moment all Bam could think about was how amazing it was to be able to look at him again. Then, idly, he hoped that Khun never grew taller than him.

Bam had made a lot of promises to himself and to Khun while the light-bearer was asleep. Looking at Khun reminded Bam of them all: all the feelings he’d resolved to confess and all the things he wanted to be to Khun.

“Bam?” Khun was looking straight at him, gaze a little concerned now.

It felt like Bam had run headfirst into a wall and that wall was called shame. How could he be thinking about confessions at a time like this. He just wanted to rescue his master. But if he couldn’t even save one canine person, then how could he save Jinsung Ha from a lair of the Ten Great Families—Hell, even if he tried, how could he keep Khun safe too? And if he acted, he would just be the spark that lit a bomb, one set and armed before he had even been born. He couldn’t get that word ‘bomb,’ out of his head. Dowon had looked at him like he was one, or a rampaging monster that had to be put down.

“I-I’m sorry, I’m fine,” Bam mumbled.

Khun voice was very blunt, “No, you aren’t.” 

That snapped Bam’s head up, forced him to meet Khun’s cool gaze. The other boy very rarely took that tone with him outside of a battle. Bam took a moment to collect his thoughts. “I’m so angry,” he confessed, “And I didn’t even loose anything. I just skipped in and assumed I could save everyone…and so many people died.” He lost his voice for a moment. His mind was sluggish and felt skewed somehow. He managed to mumble, “then to find out where Jinsung might be...”

He felt so helpless that it threatened to shut him down entirely.

“These noodles are really good,” Khun said, casually taking a bite from Bam’s bowl. He put on his haughtiest smile and gazed up at Bam with a teasing glint in his eyes. Bam immediately felt more centered, like Khun was dragging him from the haze of his own thoughts.

Bam picked up his own chopsticks and snatched a juicy looking piece of pork from Khun’s bowl. His own smile started a little strained. But when he saw Khun’s easy gaze, it brightened into a genuine one.

Now that he was sitting here, sharing a meal with Khun, he was enveloped by a sense of belonging and safety—something he’d only ever known when he was with Khun and Rak and his other companions.

“Now you feel?” Khun prompted.

“…happy…” Bam said, “Happy that I can be with you…and Rak and our friends again…” He trailed off again, trying to put the whirlwind of joy, rage, shame, and fear into words. “But I don’t deserve to feel that. This situation is a powder keg and I’m dragging you all into the blast radius.” He took a sip of juice and continued, voice dripping with misery, “It’s my fault that Deng Deng is dead, it’s my fault that all those canine people died.”

“No, it’s not. It was Gado’s decision to murder Deng Deng. It’s Lo Po Bai Yasratcha’s fault those canine people died—”

“But none of that would have happened if it hadn’t been for me! Dowon was right!” Bam shouted, surprising himself with the intensity in his voice. Then he lowered his head, embarrassed by his outburst. But he couldn’t hold back more, “If I wasn’t here, none of this would be happening. None of those people would have died. And our friends wouldn’t be in danger and neither would you! If I wasn’t such a monster—”

Khun pushed away from the table and stood before him. His face was downcast, eyes obscured by his bangs. “Shut up,” His voice was eerily calm.

“If you believe that you’d be dishonoring their memories. Everyone who choose to fight did so of their own free will and according to their own beliefs.”

Then he shoved his hands in his pockets and glanced down at Bam. He looked furious and strikingly pretty—eyes flashing, cheeks flushed, and lips curled into a disdainful sneer. “Making this all about you is disrespectful to the choices they freely made,” he snapped. His voice was cool, yet it practically crackled with frustration, “And you aren’t the only one who wants to change the tower! You aren’t a god, no one is expecting you to save them! But I expect you not to buy into that bullshit.”

“We all know that we might not survive,” Khun’s voice was rising and fierce, “but I know what I believe in is worth the gamble.”

“The tower chose you for a reason!” He was actually shouting now, voice cracking with heated conviction, “I chose—” his voice broke. Bam caught a flash of his blue eyes. They held misery like a cup and his furrowed brows gave him an almost pleading expression.

Then Khun’s gaze snapped down, closing his face off. He took a stuttering breath and turned his back on Bam. As he left the room he called back, voice utterly neutral, “you should eat.” And then Bam was alone.

Bam had never heard Khun talk to anyone like that. Khun was almost always in control. Seeing him so wrecked made Bam realized how deeply he’d disappointed Khun. He felt miserably ashamed of his words and of himself. Khun believed in him absolutely. And Khun’s faith was such a frail and tentative thing, yet he had offered it to Bam freely—that faith deserved better. How could he have been so careless with the feelings of the man he adored?

Bam was suddenly overwhelmed by frustration with himself.

He felt like he was never in control, not of himself, not of his emotions, and not even of his destiny. He understood, mostly by the reactions of his friends and team-mates, that he moved through the tower like some force of nature; He didn’t really understand how or why Shinsu seemed to flow according to his will. All he understood was that he was truly blessed by it and tried his best to be worthy of that blessing. And that as this power pushed him up the tower, more people would die along the way. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he would be responsible for it—That someday he would truly be a monster.

He couldn’t accept that the people who had chosen to follow him might die. Even if they’d made the choice freely, they didn’t deserve to have their convictions rewarded with suffering and death. Someone should save them. And that thought made him feel furious and helpless because he couldn’t.

Maybe it was that lack of understanding that would make him a real beast.

Khun was right, as always. All he could do was eat his food and try not to think—it seemed like he only came to selfish conclusions.

After he finished his lunch he decided to retreat to the ship’s lowest deck. He needed to work through everything Khun had said and it was the quietest place on the small ship. He sat in the back corner and rested his forehead against the window. As he watched the shinsu clouds stream by, he felt overwhelmed by ignorance. Khun was right, he was being terribly arrogant.

It was very late in the afternoon. The light was tinted with a golden hue. Bam knew that the sun would start setting soon. Even if they were fake, the shinsu sunsets brought him comfort. He wished there was a deck so he could feel the warmth of it.

He felt miserable in the face of The Tower’s cruelties. He knew that he was right. Everyone in the tower deserved to be free, to have the opportunity to decide what freedom meant to him or her, and to have the opportunity to find that freedom.

But the longer he traveled up the tower, the more aware he became about the reality of his early life. He had literally been raised in a cave by one girl who could (or would) only teach him simple morals based on simple stories.

 In fact, raised was too strong a word to describe their relationship. She visited him, she told him stories, she played with him—but she never revealed anything genuine about herself or about the harsher realities of the world. Sometimes when he gazed at the fake sky of Shinsu, he thought back to the stories she had told him in that dark place, wondering if Rachel had really been trying to share part of herself and he had been too naïve to understand.

Then again, the farther he went and the more time he spent dealing with her, the less he understood her—and perhaps it had nothing to do with naiveté.  Maybe he just didn’t understand other people. That was what would make him a monster.

He heard the doors of the deck slide open behind him. Bam actually sighed in relief when he felt Khun’s shinsu prickle along the back of his neck. He whirled around and said, “Khun, I’m so sorry—”

The other boy gave him a shy smile, “I actually came to apologize to you, but you’re forgiven.” That made Bam smile back at him.

“Why would you be sorry?” Bam asked, “I was being selfish.”

Khun shrugged. “You’re upset, and I understand why. But the way you’re thinking about everything is just wrong,” he said, crossing the room to him. Khun settled on the bench a foot or so away from him. He sat with both palms resting on the metal—the position struck Bam as almost skittish. “I guess I was going to apologize for being pushy.”

The sun had begun to set, some angle of the light drew a subtle glow from the metal in the ships ceiling. The ship was old, it’s floors had been bronzed by wear and by time. But they too caught the light and refracted it softly from below their feet. The play of light cast long, golden shadows along the curves of the ceiling and the scuffed floors.

“You weren’t being pushy,” Bam insisted.

Khun sighed, frowning, “I was. But you’re drawing a line in your mind, connecting things that aren’t connected. I need you to stop drawing it.”

“But—”

“Just tell me what you’re thinking so I can explain why you’re wrong.”

Bam knew processing everything couldn’t be that simple. But talking with Khun was making him feel so much better. He glanced over at the other boy.

This light suited Khun.

The saturated, golden hue of the light drew lowlights from Khun’s hair. Casting the illusion that his hair was cornflower blue, rather than its natural shade. The light refracting from the floor caught Khun’s eyes, setting the cyan rings at the edges of his irises ablaze.

Bam couldn’t believe how much better he felt just looking at Khun. He hadn’t thought it was possible to feel okay when they were in such a tense situation, but Bam was getting there. The natural state of his world sort of revolved around Khun being right anyway—so he let Khun drag him back to that safe place.

“I show up,” Bam said, trying to keep his voice neutral. They were talking facts, now. “And people die.”

“Okay,” Khun nodded, as if that was a good starting point and not a fundamental truth of Bam’s life. “I don’t think Jahad can actually see fate.”

“What?” That was so out of the blue, it knocked Bam’s thoughts off whatever rail they’d been on.

Khun just shrugged, “I think he’s bluffing.”

“But Yasratcha—”

“You’ve been courting slayers, Bam,” Khun said it like it was obvious. “First Karaka, the youngest, Baylord Yama is the second youngest. Most of the slayers aren’t active right now. Any reasonable opponent would assume you’d go to Yama next. So, obviously they’d make sure Yasratcha is near the highest floor a C-rank regular could access.”

Bam thought for a moment, processing Khun’s point of view. “But what about Khel Hellem sending Yama right to the wall where Yasratcha was?”

“Firstly, Khel Hellem is an ancient elder of Fug, he probably doesn’t even know what counter surveillance is.” The casual arrogance in Khun’s voice brought a smile to Bam’s face. “But let’s go back to the coup at the cage. FUG planned that coup planned far, far in advance. Everyone didn’t just show up because they thought you would be there. Madorako’s faction just used you to get deng deng back to the cage. They probably hoped you’d be killed in the cross hairs when they snapped the trap shut. But Yama and the cage ending up at the wall had nothing to do with you. There’s a spy deep in FUG reporting to Jahad. He knew the full plan and put Yastratcha in position to deal with Yama. But they didn’t know where you’d be.”

Khun looked like he was deep in thought for a moment, eyes fixed on the floor. When he had reached a conclusion, he glanced up at Bam, “No, no, they can only predict where you’ll go. Even if Jahad can see fate—he can’t see yours.”

“So it’s just a coincidence?”.

“No,” Khun said. That made Bam’s eyes snap to the other boy.

The light was still playing tricks with Khun’s eyes. The pale blues at the edges of Khun’s irises glowed, drowning out the cobalt ring about his pupils. The effect, coupled with the confident ease of Khun’s gaze, made it feel like someone had released a kaleidoscope of butterflies in Bam’s stomach.

“You do have a habit of hoping from one conflict zone to another,” Khun’s voice was warm and certain, “But that’s just the Path you’re walking.”

Khun had said the word ‘path’ with absolutely certainty. He usually wasn’t enthusiastic about guides and the paths they spoke of. Bam realized he’d never actually heard Khun say the word before.

He felt a little childish for responding to something so simple; But all the sudden he felt like hope was a possibility again.

Khun said gently, “You're right, to an extent, you are an irregular, you inherently bring change—and change can lead to conflict. But you only fight when you think you need to; you’ve never tried to hurt or oppress anyone with your will.” Then he dropped his gaze to the floor. “It’s been difficult to adjust…to being awake again,” he gave a choked laugh, “You certainly haven’t slowed down.”

Bam didn’t think he could possibly feel more foolish, but he was wrong—It hadn’t even occurred to him that Khun might be upset too.

All Bam could think to say was, “I’m so sorry.” He was, he had been thinking so selfishly. He hadn’t even begun to consider how Khun felt about everything that had happened.

Khun angled his face away and took a deep breath, preparing himself for something. Without meeting Bam’s eyes he said, “It scares me when you say things like that.”

Blinking, Bam scrambled to keep up—he had said so many things.

Luckily for him, Khun continued, “This isn’t your fault. This is a revolution that’s been brewing for a millennium. Everything happening now was set into motion hundreds of years before you came—"

“That’s the point!” Bam insisted, “Before me! All I am is a trigger! It might not be my fault, but I’m always there in the center of it,” He squeezed his eyes shut and snapped, “And now that I am here everything is happening! And I’m afraid that you—” his voice cracked as he stammered, “you all are going to die because of me!”

Khun’s eyes snapped to Bam and he murmured, voice thick, “if you’ve given up, then what hope do the rest of us have?” He shifted and for a moment Bam was afraid he’d leave again.

“Khun,” Bam’s voice was hushed when he reached to lay his hand on Khun’s.

 Bam noticed the way the reflected sunlight hit Khun. His skin was so pale that the amber light gave it a slight sheen.

He couldn’t let Khun walk away again. He needed to talk to Khun, needed to feel Khun’s Shinsu prickle along his own skin.  “I’m sorry,” Bam murmured, “I—you’re so calm that I forget that you’re here in this craziness too.”

For a long moment, they sat in silence. Bam kept his hand on Khun’s. That casual contact made Bam feel much steadier—reminded him that he absolutely had to keep this man alive.

The light darkened as the sun set lower, giving the shadows playing across the room a deeper amber hue.

“If you keep saying things like that, you’ll start really believing them.” Khun said, glancing at him. His face was so controlled that Bam couldn’t even guess what Khun was thinking. But his voice was deadly serious, “I need you to be strong and listen to me. Everyone here is fighting because they need to. They’re choosing how to live their lives. And you can’t take responsibility for what isn’t yours.”

Bam’s head swam for a moment and then it was like a fog cleared from his mind. He looked down at his hand atop Khun’s pale one and said in a soft, wistful voice, “I know, Khun, I know. It’s just so hard to…”

He tried to force his mind clear and actually verbalize the root of his own fears, “I feel so out of control. I can’t even control myself—sometimes it feels like the shinsu controls me.”

Khun leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together. It was such a tender and unguarded gesture that it left Bam sort of breathless.

“You are you,” Khun murmured.  All Bam could do was stare at the other boy, eyes wide as saucers.

There was a pale pink flush spreading across Khun's cheeks, it somehow softened the angles of Khun’s face. The light only enhanced the effect. The refractions of light caught Khun’s eyes from a new angle, drawing an eerie, almost phosphorescence glow from his irises.

Bam was staring at him in unabashed awe. When Khun realized that Bam was still looking at him, his breath hitched and he blushed harder.

Khun still hadn’t moved away.

“Khun,” Bam breathed, not entirely sure what he would say, just resolving to finally say something. All his roads led to the same blocked intersection—the one where Khun waited.

Maybe Khun sensed his resolve because the light-bearer finally drew back. His gaze was downcast. Knitted brows and small frown made him look worried, like he’d been caught red-handed. The light was a blessing, the way it lit up Khun’s eyes made it easier for Bam to read them.

Bam finally confessed, voice earnest and a little breathless, “All of my paths lead to you, Khun.”

The air between them practically crackled with tension. It was like gravity itself was growing heavier and tightening between them. Bam stared into Khun’s face from inches away, struck by the foreign expression on his friend’s face. Khun’s bright eyes were very wide, but he was biting his lower lip and his brows held so much tension.

"Bam," Khun's voice was hushed and breathy. He looked like he'd actually startled himself—like he hadn't meant to say that out loud.

Khun looked simultaneously thrilled and anxious as his eyes darted between Bam's eyes and his mouth.

For a moment Bam thought Khun was going to kiss him. 

Instead, Khun slipped away from him, like a skittish sea fish, and sprang to his feet. He shoved his hands deep in his pockets. His expression drained away, leaving a 60 watt smile—all the brightness of a light bulb and no hint of warmth. It was a smile he plastered on his face to hid behind. 

Khun had turned his back to the window and now the light obscured his face—making the brief moment between them seem even more dreamlike.

Khun said, “Of course, they do,” he tried to sound confident and casual, but even Bam could feel that it was forced, “I’m your…light-bearer.” Khun’s voice wavered before he said ‘light-bearer,’ as if he’d wanted to say something very different and thought better of it.

“Well, I’m glad we sorted that out,” Khun said, forcing cheer into his voice. He took a step away from the bench.

As the sun disappeared into a haze of purple clouds, the ships automatic fluorescent lights kicked on. They weren’t terribly bright, but for Bam break the ephemeral moment.

Bam had the uncanny sense that something bigger was lurching into motion. He absolutely could not leave his confession hanging like that. Something about it had created some friction in Khun that Bam couldn't entirely understand. Khun had liked being so close to Bam, he almost said he’d chosen Bam earlier, and he had definitely wanted to say something other than ‘light-bearer.’ Whenever Khun tried to slip away, it always meant he was either hiding something or avoiding a situation he couldn’t control.

For once, Bam actually thought he had an idea of what Khun was hiding. And this might be a moment that Bam needed to take control of. If he was going to continue down this path, he needed to know what Khun wanted. He knew that Khun would walk it with him. But he wanted to face it together as more than companions, and he thought that maybe Khun wanted that too.

As Khun started to walk past the wall of windows towards the doors, Bam went after him.

Before Bam blinked, he was in front of Khun—one arm against the window to gently discourage Khun from slipping away. They were close enough that the tips of their sneakers were just a few inches apart. He might not have been much taller than Khun, but he was broader. Bam watched surprise flash across the other boy’s face, followed by that same excited blush. Then a frown as he struggled to control his expression. 

“Quit joking around Bam,” he said quietly, gaze downcast.

“I’m not, Khun. I—” he frowned, “Please stay, I’m trying to figure something out.”

Khun fidgeted like a skittish animal, “Why do you need me to do that?”

“Because your name is always first,” the words seemed to tumble out of Bam’s mouth. Khun froze, but Bam couldn’t stop himself, “Whenever I think of my friends and my allies and who I miss, and who I want to protect, and who I want beside me—it’s always your name that I think first. And I’d like to know how you feel about that.”

“Get away.”

“Khun?” Bam’s voice held distress like a cup. Khun was totally shut down—eyes hidden behind his bangs and mouth pressed into a hard line.

“Get away, Bam.” Khun said, voice cold and exhausted. Khun pressed his palm against Bam’s chest and gave him the slightest push. But there wasn’t much force to the gesture, it seemed exactly that—just a gesture. 

Bam had an overwhelming feeling that he’d hit a nail on the head. Khun had basically said that he felt the same way—he’d ‘chosen’ Bam. Maybe Bam was reading too much into the ‘chosen’ thing, but if Khun wasn’t interested, he could have told Bam instead of shoving him—in fact, Khun pushing him away sort of confirmed the feeling.

He wasn’t entirely comfortable acting on that logic, but Bam decided it was worth the gamble.

Bam gathered Khun’s narrow wrist in his own hand and pressed it firmly against the window, just above Khun’s head.

“Bam!” Khun gasped. His voice was breathy and indignant, with a hot, needy undercurrent that Bam had never heard before. Then Khun fumbled with his words, mumbling, “damn it,” and trying to hide his face.

Bam’s eyes went very wide and he felt heat rise in his own face. He had only meant to keep Khun from running away. But it seemed like Khun really liked being pinned and was trying, really hard, to hide it.

Khun hadn’t tried to push him off either, in fact, he was just fidgeting and flushed. His free hand was fluttering against his own lips, as though he just wanted to smack it over his mouth.

The sight had Bam tumbling head-first over a cliff called desire.

“…is that what you really want, Khun?” He asked, surprised by the roughness of his own voice.

The other boy blinked up at him, as if the question had startled him out of his thoughts, as if they’d been interesting ones. His voice was a dazed chirp, “What?”

“Do you really want me to go away?”

 “…No.”

Khun's fingertips twitched, reaching slightly for Bam’s. Bam immediately twined their fingers together, pressing Khun’s wrist harder against the glass.

Bam decided to keep falling.

His world narrowed down to Khun, if Khun didn’t want him to stop, why was he just standing there? Why wouldn’t he touch Bam? He needed to understand every thought flying through Khun’s mind and why Khun was so nervous.

“Khun, please look at me.”

Khun hesitantly gazed up at Bam, still trying to use his bangs to hide. But Bam could see that his pupils had blown wide and his lips were parted. A pale pink blush spread across Khun’s cheeks. This is what Khun might look like if he was having sex—if he were having sex with Bam.

That thought drove Bam wild. He struggled against himself, all he wanted to do was slam Khun against that window and drag every thought out from his brilliant mind.

Bam simultaneously angled his body to press their chests together as he flexed his other hand around Khun’s waist. As Bam moved closer, he saw a flash of pleased exhilaration chase across Khun’s face. Then the other boy had tucked his chin into his chest—it looked like a stubborn attempt to keep himself hidden. Khun couldn’t choke back another helpless little sound though.

He had made Khun fucking whimper.

Khun was hiding himself and Bam needed to understand why—if he couldn’t, he might have to stop touching Khun. And he really, really did not want to stop.

And then, very suddenly, the pieces of a rather simple puzzle clicked together and Bam could finally see the scope of things.

No matter how far up the tower he went, no matter what the Shinsu molded him into, no matter how out of control and scared he felt—Khun was always there. Khun was his safe harbor, Khun was his control.

“Stop Bam,” Khun’s voice was small and deeply unhappy. Bam couldn’t see his face. 

Bam snapped back, dropping Khun's wrist and staring dumbly at him. Any traces of his exhilaration and euphoria had been totally shattered. The sudden shift in atmosphere made Bam's head spin. He took a few reluctant steps away.  Khun watched him with wide eyes, all Bam could read in them was surprise. Then Khun’s brows fell and he cast his eyes to the floor—Wait, was he disappointed?

Khun had crossed his arms, but seemed reluctant to leave.

But from this distance, Bam could see more of his face—it was the only good thing about being so far from Khun. The other boy was chewing at his bottom lip, face tense, but his eyes were bright. Khun was thinking so hard that Bam thought he might actually hear the other boy's thoughts if he just listened carefully. 

But he couldn't actually hear them, so Bam tried again to draw Khun out. 

“Khun I’m sorry, did I hurt you—”

“Of course not!” Khun snapped, jerking his eyes back to Bam. Khun froze and went scarlet. His eyes blazed with fury and something else, something needier and deeply unsatisfied. He hid his eyes again and bit into his lower lip, as if to hold some secret in his mouth.

He turned away from Bam. Bam could see the tension in his shoulders as Khun struggled against himself, like he wanted to turn back to Bam. He didn’t. Instead he started walking away.

Bam had no idea what was happening, but he was not letting Khun go. He lunged after Khun again and shouted, “Khun, please don’t go!”

This time he grabbed Khun by the waist and buried his face in the nape of Khun’s neck. Maybe Khun would find it easier to talk if they weren’t face to face—Bam certainly would. Bam’s chest was flush against Khun’s back. Bam let his hands knit together around Khun’s narrow waist, feeling every anxious, stuttered breath Khun took. “Please don’t go,” Bam repeated, his voice hoarse and soft.

He felt Khun release a slow breath, but the other boy didn’t say anything. He didn’t try to leave either.

Bam he thought he could feel the tension in Khun’s spine drain away, vertebrae by vertebrae. Bam nuzzled at Khun’s neck, hoping it would sooth the blue haired boy. It seemed to, Khun’s breathing evened out. Bam spent the moment marveling at how soft Khun’s hair was against his own cheek.

When he felt like he had deescalated the situation, Bam asked again, “I didn’t hurt you?”

He could hear the smile in Khun’s voice, “Do you seriously think I couldn’t get away from you if I wanted to?”

Bam felt very relieved and laughed, “You’re right.” But his small joy faded, leaving him back in a haze of uncertainty. “But if I didn’t hurt you then why…” He couldn’t find the words, unable to actually ask, “did that turn you on?” He was fumbling to understand what had just happened between them. “Please talk to me Khun. You know I’m hopeless at this kind of thing.”

“You really aren’t. Your friends love you, and you gather them to you like some shining thing.”

“What does that have to do with what’s happening,” Bam blushed, “Between us right now? What am I missing?”

Khun was silent for a long moment. “You know I’ll follow you to the end.”

“I know that, Khun,” voice soft and fond. He lowered his voice, mouth hovering behind Khun’s ear, “I mean…I like you, really, really like you. And I’m not sure…if you want me too, if you liked what we just did.”

The light-bearer froze. Finally, he murmured, “You’re like a comet or something, just shining in the sky as it trails past the rest of us…I don’t know if I can bear to just watch you with ‘the rest.’ I want to be with you. But I’m scared because I can’t keep up.”

“No,” Bam said with a sudden rush of fury. The thought of losing Khun was like an icy shower, washing away his heated thoughts. He began to understand why Khun had been hesitant, even afraid of Bam touching him.

An intense, possessive instinct overwhelmed Bam. In a voice so dark and raw that Bam almost didn’t recognize it as his own, he hissed, “No, no that’s unacceptable.”

“That’s the truth, Bam. It’s hopeless. Someday, I’ll have to let you go.”

“No!” Bam insisted. His mind ran in frantic circles, he had to convince Khun that wasn’t true. “No…” Bam repeated, mind still scrambling to find the right words, “I’ll make a way. That’s what you said right? Hwaryun told me the same thing: I’m walking a new path.”

He craned his neck so that he could rest his chin on Khun’s shoulder. With his lips brushing Khun’s ear, he whispered, “You make me feel like I’m in control of that path.”

The hair on the back of Bam’s neck prickled as his entire body tensed. Had he gone too far? He pulled back to rub his cheek against the nape of Khun’s neck. Then Khun said wryly, “When you say things like that, you sound like you are a god, like you want to be one.”

“I’m not, I know I’m not,” he said in a rushed breath. Suddenly he felt his mind clear and knew exactly what he needed to say:

“But if someone, anyone, says it’s wrong to hope, I’ll tell them that they’re wrong—every single time.”

“Okay Bam,” Khun finally murmured. Bam knew that tone very well, it was begrudging but filled with fondness. It was the same tone he used every time he had agreed to go along with Bam’s gentler ambitions. Then Khun’s voice dropped even lower, tone almost tentative. “Just promise me you’ll tell yourself too.”

That gave Bam’s head a good spin. He pulled Khun closer so that the slighter man’s back was absolutely flush against Bam’s chest. Khun let him and craned his own neck back to show Bam a smile.

“Good, now let’s talk about what just happened.” Bam said, tone cheery and gentle.

Khun groaned, rolling his chin into his chest.

“We can stay like this,” Bam offered, gently tracing his nose along the curve of Khun’s neck.

“We just talked,” Khun said petulantly.

“Yes, we did. And you helped me,” Bam said warmly. He gave Khun a quick squeeze and let his chin rest on the slighter boy’s shoulder. He felt more like himself again. The miasma of hopelessness and rage had faded, leaving just himself behind.

“Then there’s nothing more to talk about. Everything is fine, Bam.”

At this rate Bam would be literally clinging to Khun all night just to get any kind of answer out of him.

He knew there had to be better ways of doing this, but they were short on time. So, Bam decided to follow his instincts and handle this problem the same way he handled most: brute force.

Bam slid one of his hands up Khun’s chest.

He felt Khun still against him, Bam hoped in anticipation. As Bam’s hand traced higher, past that delicate collar bone, he angled his wrist so that his knuckles and fingernails traced a line up Khun’s neck. Khun exhaled in a sharp, stuttering breath. Then Bam threaded his fingers in the thick blue hair behind Khun’s ear and gently gathered them into a fist. He felt Khun relax against him and groan.

Bam knew that, if he grabbed a fistful of his pale hair, Khun would shiver and moan for him. The knowledge was driving Bam absolutely wild. He couldn’t help himself from acting on that impulse.

Bam tightened his grip and yanked that fistful of silky, pale hair. The motion pulled Khun’s neck taut, exposing his face. Khun gasped and there was no mistaking the sound for anything except excitement. Bam could see his face now.

Khun’s pupils were blown so wide that they almost swallowed the blue of his eyes. Against the fringe of his fluttering, icy lashes, they almost looked black—the effect was so striking that it made Bam’s breath catch.

“Please don’t move,” Bam murmured, lips pressed to Khun’s ear. He had said please, but his tone made the statement more of an order. And to his surprise, Khun obeyed.

“You like this?” Bam phrased it as a question, but now he was sure it was true.

Khun took a trembling breath, but he managed a quick nod. Bam kept his grip on Khun’s hair, making sure the other boy was aware of the firm pressure. But his other arm snaked from Khun’s waist to his hip bone. He curled his fingers around the crest of Khun’s hip. He was rewarded with a keening whine from Khun, and the sound made his hand tighten involuntarily in Khun’s hair.

“Khun,” Bam growled, surprised by the roughness of his own voice and the intensity of his own need. “This is what we need to talk about.”

“It’s hard to think when you’re doing that!” Khun gasped, but not like he particularly minded. His face softened and he dropped his head back onto Bam’s shoulder to gaze up at him. Khun blushed and smiled shyly at him.

Bam was just staring at Khun, struck dumb by how vulnerable and pretty Khun looked, “But you don’t want me to stop, do you?”

“No,” his voice was low and heated.

One word had never lit such an intense fire in Bam before. He growled wordlessly against Khun’s shoulder, struggling to find his voice. He finally rumbled, “Then talk to me, Khun, please. Why are you hiding-”

Khun tore out of Bam’s arms. He took a shaky step away and turned his back on Bam. Then Khun shouted, “Because if this doesn’t work it’ll all be over!”

Bam just froze. That was the last thing he thought would come out of Khun’s mouth—although he wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting. What would be over? “I don’t understand Khun,” and Bam knew his voice sounded wrecked. Swerving from such intense wanting to this unexpected rejection made his head spin. “I—I’m sorry, I misunderstood—”

“You didn’t misunderstand anything!” Khun snapped. He whirled around and finally let Bam see his face. Khun was still blushing, but his brows were knitted tight together and his mouth twisted. He looked afraid and Bam still couldn’t understand why. He watched the friction between what Khun wanted and whatever he was afraid of play across his face and his body.

“Then what’s wrong?” Bam’s voice sounded pathetic, even to himself. Suddenly he felt like a real monster again—it looked like Khun was going to cry. He couldn’t help himself, he rushed forward to hug Khun. One of his arms snaked around Khun’s back, the other slipping around his narrow waist. “Please, Khun, Please talk to me,” he said, voice high and pleading.

Khun stiffened for a moment. But it seemed like he couldn’t deny Bam, because he let the other boy hold him. For a moment, all the tension drained from Khun and he all but collapsed into Bam. He threw his own arms around Bam’s neck and buried his face against the hollow of his shoulder. He mumbled something into Bam’s skin.

“I’m sorry, Khun, I couldn’t hear you,” He murmured against Khun’s hair,“Trust me, Khun, let me in.”

Khun pulled away, just enough so that his voice would be audible and spoke into Bam’s throat, “I want you. I want you with me in every way.”

Hearing Kun admit his own feelings flooded Bam with euphoria, triumph, and an intense relief. He was so exhilarated. It would have taken a flood of miracles to compare to the wonder that was knowing Khun felt the same way.

And then Khun’s voice fell, “And I know right now, you want me. But you’re going to keep going higher and I can’t—I just can’t bear it.”

“Why are you so sure you can’t stay with me?” Bam asked with a soft urgency. The regret in Khun’s voice made Bam squeeze him tightly.

Khun hesitantly withdrew his arms from Bam. He clearly didn’t want to leave the comfort of Bam’s body. But he slipped his hands back into his pockets. Bam froze, not sure if he should try to pull Khun back against him.

Khun hid behind his bangs again. Finally, he murmured, voice thick and unhappy, “That’s how it’s always been. Whenever I find something that shines, I do whatever I can to keep it safe.” His voice was choked, as if he were pulling the words from deep inside himself, “Even if it means hiding it away and never seeing it again. If I stay with you, if we do this, I won’t be able to keep you safe.”

He shook his head. Then looked up at Bam with unshed tears in his blue eyes and a sneer of a smile on his face. “Think about it, at best you’ll always be distracted by me—you might let someone else die just to save me, and you’d come to regret it, and me. At worst, I’ll be killed or kept as a hostage.”

Bam could only blink, he’d never analyzed their relationship from such a cruel, pragmatic perspective. “That’s not true, Khun—”  

“It won’t work,” Khun snapped, taking another step away from Bam. He dropped his gaze and mumbled, “Anyway, it just wouldn’t work. It’s just going to hurt me. I’ve thought through every scenario and walking away right now...”

When Bam heard ‘walking away,’ his heart started beating so loudly that it seemed to drown out all other sound. He was afraid of what Khun would say next—like genuinely afraid.

Khun finally peeked his gaze from the floor to meet Bam’s. Whatever Khun saw in his face seemed to fortify him, because he repeated with an unhappy smile, “Walking away right now is the only way to minimize the damage.”

“Walking away…” Bam repeated. He must have sounded very broken because Khun instinctively reached for him. He watched the struggle pass across Khun’s face as his pale hands fluttered near Bam’s chest—as if resisting the urge to touch Bam was physically difficult.

“Not from you, Bam,” Khun’s voice was very soft, “just from this, we—I can’t take this any further.” He offered Bam a tentative smile and touched his shoulder, gave it a friendly squeeze. “I’ll see you upstairs.”

Bam’s heart dropped to his stomach when he realized that Khun was turning away from him. He was not going to let Khun go now, not when he knew that Khun felt the same way.

“Do you know what I’ve noticed about the tower?” Bam asked. The statement was such a non sequitur that Khun actually stopped and turned back to him, both hands deep in his pockets.

“It doesn’t really encourage love,” Bam continued, gazing at him. Khun’s mouth and brows twitched as he struggled to keep his face blank. “In fact,” Bam murmured, “it builds walls between people. That’s not a place I can live in anymore, I can’t because I want to be with you, Khun. When-” he steeled his courage, “When you’re with me, I feel stronger. Don’t you feel better when we’re together?”

“We can be together without—”

“I can’t accept that, Khun.” Bam said softly, reaching out to squeeze Khun’s shoulders. “If you didn’t feel the same way, that would be one thing.”

 Khun’s gaze snapped to his, blue eyes wide and soft and glazed with shock. Bam reached between them to slip his own hand inside Khun’s pocket and gently withdraw the other boy’s hand. When Khun’s arm was loose at his side, Bam traced Khun’s fingers with his own. He tried to make sure Khun had the space he needed right now, so he kept his touches light and feathery, tangling their fingers loosely between them.

“But I think you’re afraid.” Bam said gently. He shifted his weight, angling one shoulder closer to Khun, gauging the other boy’s reaction. Khun sighed, as if stealing himself for a challenge. He tried to let his body relax—slouching to bring their heads slightly closer. Khun’s gaze fluttered between their tangled fingers and Bam’s eyes.

“I am too,” Bam whispered. He leaned closer to gently rest his forehead against Khun’s. Bam could almost felt the friction in Khun, watched his body tense as he resisted the urge to lean into Bam.

“But If I lose you right now, I know that I’d regret it for the rest of my life. And I think you would too...” He trailed off, trying to squeeze everything he felt into words.

He squeezed Khun’s hand, drawing the other boy’s gaze back to Bam. He murmured, “But if you ask me not to bring this up again until we get to the top, I won’t," He was forlorn at that prospect, but he needed to say it—to make sure Khun knew how serious he was.

Bam looked down at their tangled fingers. He knew that this was his chance to open a new path. He admitted with a shy blush, "I’ll do whatever you ask me to do.” Bam blinked up at Khun with a bright smile and said, "because of how I feel about you, Khun.”

Khun tucked his chin to his chest and hid behind his bangs. The tips of their sneakers were inches apart.  But the other boy felt out of reach. Bam could have closed the gap between them in a heartbeat, but this was Khun’s choice. Then Khun glanced shyly up at him. His brows were still tight with anxiety, but his pale eyes were glowing with something akin to wonder.

“How do you feel about me?” Khun asked, voice small and tentative.

“Oh, come on, Khun.” He said, beaming at the other boy, “stop, playing, I know that I’ve got you.”

That drew a bark of laughter from Khun, “you’re in-fucking-credible.” A shy smile flickered across his face.

“I’d do anything for you, Khun, please let me in.”

Khun wore a pleading expression now, as if silently asking Bam to stop.

But Bam was too far gone. He hadn’t realized how much pain Khun was in, hadn’t understood how Khun wanted him—and now that he did, he couldn’t give it up. “Please let me fall in love with you.”

The blue haired boy’s expression blurred into something Bam couldn’t read. Khun’s eyes were very wide, the rest of his face was incredibly tense. His small mouth strung into a hard line. Bam realized how afraid Khun was. Bam was too, this was uncharted territory for him. But Bam’s heart had reached a tipping point and he was too far gone to turn back.

“I know you think it’s hopeless, but you’re wrong.” Bam said, trying to keep his voice from trembling. For a moment, he wasn’t sure he believed it himself. But then he saw a glint of something in Khun’s eyes as his pale brows relaxed—it was hope.

And then Bam said with absolute certainty, “Let me fall in love with you. I need you, you’re my anchor.  Let me be your freedom, from this tower, from yourself, from everything you’re afraid of.”

Khun stared at him, breathing too fast, brows tense above his too wide eyes, chewing at his lower lip. Bam stayed still too, if he wanted to, he could have closed the gap between them with one step. But he wasn’t the one who needed to reach out. He met Khun’s skittish gaze with warm, determined eyes.

“If I say yes…” Khun ventured, “What happens next?”

Chapter Text

And then Bam said with absolute certainty, “Let me fall in love with you. I need you, you’re my anchor.  Let me be your freedom, from this tower, from yourself, from everything you’re afraid of.”

Khun stared at him, breathing too fast, brows knitted and tense above his too wide eyes, chewing at his lower lip. Bam stayed still too, if he wanted to, he could have closed the gap between them with a step. But he wasn’t the one who needed to reach out. He met Khun’s skittish gaze with warm, determined eyes.

“If I say yes…” Khun ventured, “What happens next?”

You swallowed everything, like distance. Like the sea, like time.

“I’m going to kiss you.”

That made Khun smile, “No I meant…I guess I’m getting ahead of myself, but you’re the one who brought love up. What if we have to separate again to climb the tower?”

“We’ll keep climbing, together, until we get to the top. If anyone tries to take you from me again, I’ll just make a new path.”

“And what happens when I become a target?” Khun asked, “A hostage? It’ll be like trying to fight a war with an open wound.”

“You’ve been a target since you chose me on the floor of tests,” Bam said, “You’ve done alright for yourself.”

“But—”

“As long as we stay together, you can’t be a hostage. And don’t talk about yourself like you’re dead weight—you’re my light-bearer,” Bam said with a grin.

That made Khun smile back, but it was quickly replaced by a wary frown. “It really doesn’t scare you at all?” He asked, eying Bam suspiciously.  

Bam beamed at him, Khun looked adorable. Bam shrugged, “A little, but not as much as losing you, losing this moment with you.” He watched Khun’s face go pink, all the way to the tips of his ears, and felt a rush of adoration chased by the thrill of finally being able to act on it. “And if you ever change your mind about us,” Bam said, voice earnest and hushed, “about me—"

Khun cut Bam off by lunging at him, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt, and tugging Bam closer. Bam stumbled, but found himself pressed against Khun’s warm, lithe body. Khun was glaring up at him. But Bam didn’t mind. The anxiety had drained from Khun’s pale eyes and he steadier, determined, more like himself.

“Do you really think I would change my mind after—” he gnashed his teeth together as his flush deepened “—I actually told you all that?” Khun’s voice was a fierce and bitingly sarcastic but he was smiling, glowing with triumph.

Bam blushed in return stammering, “No, I just meant—”

Then Khun’s mouth was on Bam’s. The light-bearer had stretched daintily on his toes to twine his pale arms around Bam’s neck.

Feeling Khun’s soft lips on his was such a thrill that Bam froze for a moment. Then he sprang into motion, slinging one arm around Khun’s waist while the other snaked around his shoulders. Then his hand came to rest his hand at the base of Khun’s neck. As his hand drifted closer toward Khun’s hair line, the other boy smacked it lightly. 

Bam pulled away to glance quizzically at Khun.

He was rewarded with one of Khun’s best smirks: mouth pulled into a crooked smile, brows arched, eyes glittering like he was daring Bam, “Think of something else.” Then he stretched up to bite Bam’s ear lobe very gently, it was more a resting of his teeth than a true bite. He whispered, “Use your imagination.”

That made Bam’s mouth dry and his head spin. Then a possessive urge overwhelmed him and he needed more of Khun.

He picked Khun up, swinging him bodily with just the strength of his arm about the other boy’s waist. Khun kept his arms tight around Bam’s neck while he squeaked in surprise and delight. He twirled Khun around, almost like they were dancing, and pinned Khun back against the wall of windows—using more force than was necessary. Bam used the hand at the base of Khun’s skull to brace his head. He knew nothing about this, beyond what he’d seen in movies and read in manga, but he assumed liking things rough didn’t include concussions without some serious conversation beforehand.

Khun made another needy gasp and lurched up to kiss Bam again. The motion pressed them together in an unbroken line from chest to thigh. Bam felt Khun hesitate and pull back for a moment, looking up at Bam with a hazy, almost feverish gaze. Bam was very, very hard against Khun’s hip.

“You like this?” Khun whispered, voice hushed with something akin to awe.

“You like it,” Bam pressed a delicate kiss to the nape of Khun’s neck, “Of course I like it.” He desperately tried to verbalize was how incredibly erotic it was to watch Khun lose control like this. Bam was literally watching Khun give up all his hard-won control and offer it to him. That, more than anything he had ever done, made him feel like a god.

“I fucking love it, Khun,” he whispered, lips brushing against Khun’s ear. “I love that you’re letting me see you, all of you, like this.”

Bam’s husky words stoked a matching frenzy in Khun. The light-bearer hopped up, wrapping his legs around Bam’s hips.  Bam took the weight like it was nothing, using the strength of his own chest to keep Khun pinned to the window.

Khun started to unbutton Bam’s shirt. He struggled with the small buttons and the more he fumbled with them, the more frustrated he got. He looked so cute fumbling with the little buttons that Bam didn’t offer to help.

Bam wanted to press them closer together, so he slid his arm from Khun’s waist lower to cup his ass. Khun whimpered and wriggled his hips in return, but his attention was still on those buttons. Bam grinned and nuzzled his nose against the crown of Khun’s head. He kept his other hand at the back of Khun’s neck, twirling little wisps of pale hair between his fingers.

The clatter of little buttons on the floor jerked Bam out of his reverie. The other boy had given up and just tore the top three buttons off his shirt. “Khun,” Bam pouted, “I would have helped if you asked.”

“That’s what you get for wearing it,” Khun tried to sound as snarky as possible. But Bam could see it was difficult for him to muster much dignity with his legs hitched around Bam’s waist.

Bam looked a little distressed, “What’s wrong with the shirt?”

Khun giggled, “Nothing, really, but it’s a grocery-run shirt Bam—not a ‘let’s-save-the-day-shirt.’”

“Why didn’t you say something before we left?”

“Because I wasn’t sure we’d make it out alive, Bam.” Khun sounded too serious and Bam needed to fix that.

This was one of the happiest moments in his life. He had Khun in his arms. In a hundred years, this would be the story of how they became lovers. And now his yellow flannel shirt would be part of it. Bam giggled, riding a wave of euphoria.

In a hundred years he’d tell people that Khun ripped his silly flannel shirt right off him, because he thought it was tacky. “What?” Knun whined, lips twisting into a petulant frown.

Bam laughed, leaning forward to press an affection kiss on Khun’s mouth, “I—I was just thinking what I’d tell our friends later,” He  was grinning openly at the boy in his arms, “I’m going to tell them you ripped this shirt off me because you think it’s tacky.”

“I never said tacky!” Khun insisted, it was usually the hill he chose to die on regarding Bam’s wardrobe. He would never admit that he thought Jinsung’s taste ran towards the tacky. Bam found Khun’s skittishness around the legendary Ranker endlessly endearing.

“Fuck the shirt,” Bam murmured against Khun’s ear. His hips twitched against Bam while Khun tried to stifle a whimper into his own shoulder. Heat shot down Bam’s spine. Emboldened, he traced his teeth down the shell of Khun’s white ear to sink them into his earlobe. He whispered, voice low and husky, “Do you want me to fuck you, Khun?”

 Khun’s stared at Bam like he was speaking in tongues. Then Khun he nodded, eyes smoldering up at Bam through the thick fringe of his lashes.  

Grinning, Bam shifted Khun in his arms, drawing his hand from Khun’s neck to his waist—reveling in Khun’s little whines as he did. He grabbed a handful of Khun’s perky little ass with his other hand and squeezed. Khun gasped, hitching his legs higher around Bam’s waist. Bam slid that hand lower, from Khun’s ass to the back of his thigh. He used the new leverage to keep Khun’s hips flush against his own.

As Khun wiggled, Bam could feel Khun’s cock against his stomach. Bam wanted to run his knuckles down the length of it, feel Khun’s cock straining the thin fabric of his white slacks.

Having Khun dazed and needy in his arms was so exhilarating that Bam wanted to rip Khun’s slacks off and fuck him right then. Instead he darted forward to catch Khun’s mouth with his, pulling the other boy into a deep kiss.

The light-bearer might have been limp in his arms, but his mouth was hot and fierce against Bam’s. Bam loved it, savored the hot mess of contradictions that was his Khun.

Khun pulled away from the kiss, nibbling on Bam’s lower lip and tugging it lightly. With Bam’s lip between his teeth, he glanced up a Bam—dark eyes smoldering through his silvery lashes.

Bam’s face was very hot and his dick was so hard against Khun’s inner thigh.

He realized, almost idly, that khun’s legs were spread wide enough that Bam could properly slot their hips together. He could press the full length of himself against the other boy—he could pull Khun closer and grind their cocks together.

“Khun,” Bam growled, startled by the rough bass of his voice. The raw need in it snapped the other boy’s gaze to his. When he saw Khun’s flushed face, Bam lost his voice. Khun’s eyes were heavy lidded, pupils blown wide—he looked dazed, and Bam could never recall him looking so open and vulnerable. He drank in the sight, savored it, knowing it was just for him.

That last thought spurred Bam into action. He used his grip on Khun’s thigh to spread the light-bearer’s legs wider. Then Bam insinuated himself between Khun’s thighs, groaning at the new friction between them. With the slightest cant of his hips, Bam ground their cocks together.

Khun gasped, thighs eagerly tightening around Bam’s hips.

Bam rubbed himself shamelessly against Khun. He used the pressure of his hand at Khun’s waist to snap his hips harder against Khun. His arms tightened around Bam’s shoulders; fingers fisted into Bam’s shirt. Bam watched Khun strain and wiggle against his dick. Bam ground against him, loving the needy sounds Khun made.

Khun just couldn’t seem to get enough of his dick. He hooked his ankles around Bam, desperate for more friction. Bam lifted Khun a fraction of an inch so he could snap his hips up. Khun’s cock was pressed against his stomach again, but Bam could finally own rub against the cleft of Khun’s ass.

Now that that he had Khun’s legs spread properly, Khun’s head was slightly above his. Bam realized, throat tight with anticipation, that Khun couldn’t hide his face anymore. Bam kissed Khun’s jaw, tracing his mouth to the juncture where Khun’s pale neck met his shoulder. Then he bit down hard.

“Bam, fuck!” Khun gasped, breath hitching. Bam sucked harder at his pale throat. Khun moaned, voice was hoarse and needy, “Yes—I want to feel you inside me.”

That made Bam’s thoughts dissolve into static as he just replayed those words in his mind.

“B-Bam,” Khun insisted, breath hot against Bam’s ear.

“Keep going, tell me what you want,” Bam was so exhilarated that his voice was tight and breathy “I’d do anything to for you.” He was going to fuck Khun.

Khun parted his lips, as if to speak, but whatever he was going to say was lost in another moan as Bam kept grinding against him. Bam fucking loved it.  It took more willpower than Bam cared to admit, but he stilled himself. For a long moment, he just held himself against Khun, feeling Khun’s cock twitching against his stomach. Khun let out a keening whine, rubbing himself against Bam, desperate for more of that friction.

He felt a rush of pride and joy that this brilliant man was his. Khun looked absolutely wrecked.  But Bam held still, he wanted to hear Khun tell him every filthy thing he wanted from him. For a moment he marveled at how stubborn Khun was, he was literally writhing against Bam’s dick, but he still managed to hold part of himself back.

“You’re so stubborn,” Bam murmured, voice full of fondness and a curious reverence. The sound of it made Khun’s breath hitch. Bam’s hand tightened, involuntarily, on Khun’s waist.

“W-what?” Khun looked legitimately confused, like he’d been so lost in pleasure that he’d forgotten what Bam was talking about.

“Don’t stop talking to me,” Bam said fondly.  Khun’s eyes were like clear glass now, Bam could see every thought swimming through them. He watched Khun remember, watched the other boy sink his teeth into his own full lower lip. Khun was thinking too hard again. Bam pressed his lips against Khun’s and whispered, “Don’t do that, I get to do that now.”

Khun gasped and Bam took advantage of his parted lips to kiss Khun thoroughly. He slipped his tongue inside Khun’s mouth and felt Khun respond in kind. Bam had never kissed anyone like this before; And hoped he would never experience this with anyone but Khun. When Bam pulled away, Khun made a needy, wrecked sound and stared up at him, eyes hot and pleading.

“Bam if you don’t do something I’m going to cum like this,” Khun whispered, voice low and husky

Bam looked as pleased as a cat with a canary in it’s paws and crooned, “How do you want to cum?”

“Fuck Bam,” He snapped, “Not against a wall in public!”

“Oh,” Bam mumbled. He had forgotten they were just rutting against the wall of the ship. He needed to fix that. He imagined spreading Khun out on his bed and unwinding him, like some terribly knotted ball of string. “Hold on,” He murmured in Khun’s ear.

Khun obediently tightened his arms around Bam’s neck and wriggled a little higher on Bam’s hips.

Bam pulled them away from the wall and released his shinsu.  He felt his wings flutter around them both, watching Khun shiver in reaction to the shinsu swelling around them.

Then Bam took flight. He needed to get Khun back to his room as quickly as possible. He was sure Khun would not be happy if someone caught him in such an undignified position. But Khun’s face was resting against his neck, and Bam could feel the other boy’s smiling. They zipped through the corridors of the ship. Bam was used to this speed, but Khun wasn’t.

“It feels much faster here,” Khun murmured into his chest.

“What?”

He felt Khun’s smile widden against his collar bone. “I’ve seen you move like this, but I haven’t really experienced it. You can see clearly?”

That made a savage grin spread across Bam’s face, “Yes.”

“Incredible.”

The grin fell away as Bam sensed someone else’s shinsu in the corridor. He couldn’t see them yet, but he knew someone was in the hallway near Bam’s door. He decided not to tell Khun, the other boy might fret and Bam couldn’t have that. He had gotten this far through Khun’s various barriers and he was not going to let anybody take that ground away. A moment later, Bam realized it was Rak banging on his door. Bam was relieved. But he couldn’t guess if Rak seeing them would embarrass Khun more, or less than anyone else on the ship.

“Rak is at my door,” Bam whispered in warning, “Don’t worry,” he added soothingly.

“Oh dear god—” Khun sighed

“It’s alright, he won’t tell—”

“I’m not worried about that! He’s just never going to let me live this down,” Khun whined. Bam couldn’t help grinning and kissing his cheek. In about thirty seconds he would have Khun all to himself.

In a blur, Bam moved past Rak and opened the door to his room before Rak could blink.

“Black turtle?” Rak rumbled, “Why are you running—wait, why is blue turtle—”

Bam tried to set Khun on the bed as gently as he could, then whirled around to zip back to the door where Rak was standing. He hadn’t bothered to tuck his wings away and was literally hovering in the doorway.

“Hi Rak, Khun wasn’t feeling well, so he’s just going to take a nap here. Bye Rak!”

Rak grunted and crossed his arms over his chest. His eyes narrowed, clearly not buying that excuse. He probably understood what was happening better than Bam did and was just filing it away for future notice. But he let Bam shut the door without another word.

When the door was safely closed and locked, Bam sighed in relief. He looked hopefully to the bed and found Khun was still, mostly, as he’d left him—in a haze of arousal and anticipation. Bam grinned at him, “He didn’t really buy it, but he let it go.”

Khun was still Khun, so he snorted, “Of course he didn’t,” he tsked, “taking a nap.” Somehow in the half minute Bam had been securing their privacy, Khun had settled into his bed—transforming a somewhat austere piece of furniture into something sensual and inviting.

The light bearer was propped against the headboard, one elbow resting languidly on a large, navy pillow he’d tucked against his torso. He’d twisted at the waist so that his knees faced Bam and the door, but he’d drawn them close so that they brushed the blue pillow. His other arm was against his thigh, fingers brushing his bent knees.

“Because the great Khun Augero Agnis never naps,” Bam said offering Khun a wide smile. The other boy gave him a more reserved smirk. In fact, there was something reserved about the way Khun had presented himself. With his knees pulled so close, Khun looked a little nervous, a little vulnerable. He was a master of looking relaxed and languid no matter his surroundings or his actual feelings. Knowing that Khun felt safe enough to put his usual posturing aside brought a rush of affection so strong that Bam actually flushed.

As he began to let his wings dissolve into the ambient shinsu, Khun murmured, “Hold on.”

Bam obeyed, letting the wings keep their form. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, “What’s up?” He felt a little silly just walking around with wings on his back.

Khun shrugged, “I haven’t really had a chance to look at them properly.” 

With a smile, Bam walked over to the bed, rather than flying—giving Khun a good, long look at them. 

“They suit you,” Khun murmured. 

“They’ve changed, “Bam admitted shyly—it had been a long time since he’d been able to discuss his abilities with Khun. Aside from his teachers, Khun was the only person Bam could talk to comfortably about himself. He enjoyed how analytical Khun was concerning his abilities.

 Every time he showed Khun something new, he could see gears turning in those pale eyes—Khun was more excited by the new strategies he could choreograph around Bam than by Bam himself. “On the hidden floor they were more like bird wings,” Bam said shyly, “and the blue oar was more like a separate disk beneath them. It actually seems like they changed after I touched the Black March again.”

Bam reached the bed, but he stood waiting—content to stand there as long as Khun studied his wings.

Khun gazed up at him, “Now they look like butterfly wings.” He shifted onto his knees so that he could crawl to the edge of the bed. “Can I touch them?” Khun asked, eyes filled with curiosity. He was on his knees now at the edge of the bed.

“Of course,” Bam breathed, he’d wanted to say something more dashing like, ‘you can touch me wherever you want.’ But it would’ve sounded silly without the bravado to back it up. And Bam was so overwhelmed by the sight of a relaxed, curious Khun in his bed that he didn’t have much in him except awe and arousal at the moment. 

“They feel like butterfly wings too,” Khun marveled, gently caressing the edge of one of the hindwings. “I mean, I can sense the density of Shinsu, but when I touch them, but they have their own texture.”

Bam had a sudden flash of inspiration and all he could think was how incredible it would be to fuck Khun with his wings out—Khun shuddering beneath him while Bam’s wings fluttered around them. Khun’s gaze shifted from the wings to Bam and he read something in Bam’s expression. Khun’s pupils blew wide and his mouth curled into a lazy smile. Bam was sure Khun had realized what Bam was thinking about and agreed.

The incredible tension between them was palpable. A sudden wave of anxiety and shock rushed over Bam, paralyzing him for a moment. He was beyond euphoric. But now he was thinking about how they’d gotten here and was actually startled by what he’d said and done—by how forceful he’d been.

“Bam?” Khun’s voice drew him back to the present. He was blinking up at Bam, clearly trying to keep up with his thoughts.

“Um—” Bam rubbed the back of his neck with one palm, unable to hold back a self-deprecating grin. “I just—I sort of can’t believe what I said before and what I did.” As soon as Bam heard those words, he was hit by a rush of concern. Khun might think Bam regretted what they’d done or the evolution of their relationship. “N-Not that I didn’t like it,” he stammered quickly. He let his wings dissolve into the ambient shinsu to sit on the bed beside Khun. Bam sighed, “I feel so clumsy talking about it.”

Khun was still on his knees at the edge of the bed, but he sat back on his heels and tentatively put a hand on Bam’s thigh. Relived that Khun seemed to understand, Bam put his own hand on top of Khun’s and beamed at him, “I’m so happy right now, Khun.” 

The other boy craned his neck to nuzzle at Bam’s ear and whispered, “me too.” He offered Bam a smile of innocent joy. Bam realized that Khun could have shot them back to the intense place they had been in the hallway. But Khun gave him a sweet kiss on the temple, he seemed okay with slowing things down. “I, um, I don’t think I’ve ever even heard you say, ‘damn,’ before,” Khun said, voice shy, but absolutely thrilled.

That exhilaration hung in the air between them, twining about them both like a ribbon.

Bam felt like with every touch, every glance, every breath, they were creating something brand new.

He didn’t know how to put the feeling into words, it was so intangible. Yet it was simultaneously everywhere, like the gravity between them was tightening again. He had never felt such a hot rush of emotion. “I don’t think I have,” Bam laughed.

Khun gave him a languid, heady smile that sent a rush of heat down Bam’s spine. The light bearer angled himself to press his lips to Bam’s ear and whisper, “you did that copy thing while we were kissing too.”

“What?”  

Something in Bam’s startled expression made Khun laugh, “You’ve never kissed anyone like that before, right?”

“Oh my god,” Bam said, flushing with genuine embarrassment, he actually put his elbows on his knees and his face on his hands. But Khun had veiled a compliment there too—he was becoming a better kisser. And he had an excellent opportunity to keep practicing.

Khun pouted at him, “Oh come on, you know I didn’t mean—”

Bam interrupted him with another kiss. He started it chastely enough, just a firm press of their lips. But he drew one hand to cup the back of Khun’s neck. Bam used the other to trace the curve of Khun’s cheekbone, knuckles brushing against Khun’s pale face. That made Khun sigh and arch his body closer to Bam’s. Bam smiled against Khun’s lips and used the opportunity to press deeper into Khun’s mouth. The other boy responded with a languid moan. Bam slid his hand all the way down Khun’s back to his hip bone, savoring every twitch it sent through Khun’s body.

Bam drew back so that he could catch Khun’s pretty lower lip between his teeth. Khun whined as his hips twitched and his knees parted. Khun was still sitting on his heels, making it painfully clear that he was hard again—cock pressing against the fabric of his slacks.

The thought of touching Khun, finally making him cum, drove Bam wild. He felt an intense, possessive urge to have Khun’s body pressed flush against his.

Bam drew one leg onto the bed and nudged his knee between Khun’s parted thighs, spreading the other boy’s legs around him. He pulled hard on Khun’s hip, using the leverage to yank Khun closer. Bam had the slighter boy straddling his thigh—the tip of his erection against Bam’s stomach. With a gasp, Khun grabbed onto Bam’s shoulders to keep his balance.

Using his free hand to brace himself, Bam leaned further back onto the bed, giving Khun more of his lap to sit in. The light-bearer twined his arms around Bam’s neck, pressing their chests together to shamelessly grind his dick against Bam.

Bam flexed his hand around Khun’s hip and made the other boy gasp, “Bam!” In a heated breath.

Bam nibbled lightly on Khun’s lip, drawing the other boy’s glazed blue eyes to his face. Bam gave him a wicked smile, “I love making you say my name.”

Khun’s mouth quirked into a little smile, “You didn’t make me say anything that time,” Bam watched thoughts fly through Khun’s eyes, saw as his blue eyes lit up as he decided how to tease Bam. “I thought I was going to slip off the bed,” Khun said haughtily. But his breath caught as Bam rolled his hips.

“We can’t have that,” Bam purred, matching Khun’s gentle teasing tone. He ran his eyes down Khun’s body, trying to decide what to do next—he needed to surprise Khun and take control of the other boy. Knowing that Khun wanted him to do it, was waiting for him to, absolutely thrilled Bam.

Bam snapped upright, Khun made a little squeak as he lost his balance. But Bam quickly wrapped his freed arm around Khun’s waist, steadying him against Bam’s body. For a moment he just stared into Khun’s flushed face and marveled at how eagerly the reserved light-bearer was twitching against him.

Bam tightened his grip on Khun. He realized it would be cliché, but it was their first time and he desperately wanted to feel Khun underneath him.

Bam snapped into motion, lifting Khun up and off his thigh. He swung Khun around and pressed his back firmly against the mattress, keeping his knee between Khun’s legs. He swung his other leg onto the bed, pinning one of Khun’s legs between his thigh and his knee. Once Khun was on his back, Bam slid his hand down Khun’s side, so that he could feel Khun’s narrow hips in both of his hands. Khun gasped his name again, driving Bam wild.

He loved the little breathy sound Khun made when Bam man-handled him, and Khun was so pliable that he made it easy to do so.

He finally had Khun underneath him. He couldn’t believe how good it felt watching Khun spread his legs around Bam. Bam pressed his erection against Khun’s thigh, making sure he was aware of how intensely Bam wanted him. Khun’s arms had slipped away from his neck, now both of his hands were fisted in the sheets as his hips twitched wantonly.

Bam reluctantly moved his hands from Khun’s hips to the mattress so he could lean up from waist to look down at Khun. His gaze slid between Khun’s legs and he saw the bulge of Khun’s cock pressed against his slacks. A wicked urge struck Bam and he used his knee to gently nudge Khun’s cock. He could feel Khun’s balls shifting under the pressure of his knee and could literally his cock twitch though the fabric.

Khun was pink and flustered, close to losing any semblance of control he had. Khun was whispering, “please,” over and over again, face tucked against his own shoulder.

Bam grin fiercely. He pressed harder against Khun’s erection, watching the other boy flinch and moan. He dipped low to actually swipe his own tongue across Khun’s lower lip, making Khun shudder. He brought his mouth to Khun’s ear. “Tell me you want me, Khun,” Bam was surprised by the bass rumble in his own voice.

“Bite me.”

Khun’s voice was so soft that Bam wouldn’t have heard it if he was even an inch farther from Khun’s mouth.

Bam learned over Khun to gently pressed his teeth into the soft, pale skin at the base of his neck. When Khun moaned, Bam rolled his eyes to look up at Khun, “that’s good, Khun.”

The light-bearer’s eyes went so wide that he almost looked afraid again. Bam froze, staring up at Khun and trying to read his face. Khun whimpered and pressed one hand against his forehead.

“Do you want me to stop?” Bam asked, lips against Khun’s neck.

“No!”

The corners of Bam’s lips twitched upwards, “Good, that’s good Khun, don’t stop talking to me.”

Khun went scarlet and nodded eagerly. Bam stared at him open-mouth for a moment. Then put his mouth right back on Khun’s neck. Khun liked it when Bam encouraged him, praised him. That knowledge was so hot that Bam’s mind went blank for a moment. Then Bam saw Khun’s pulse thumping under his white skin and remember what he had been doing.

Bam bit down harder, mouth working against Khun’s skin. Khun started to twitch and make helpless little noises, encouraging Bam. He couldn’t keep himself from literally sucking on Khun. He moved higher up Khun’s neck, spurred on by Khun’s whines and eager twitches. When Bam finally pulled away he noticed pale purple bruise shaped like his teeth on Khun’s skin. It was like a mark of ownership—that thought sent Bam into a spiral of desire. He wanted to put his teeth all over Khun’s body. He had a flash of his face between Khun’s legs, biting into his inner thigh.

 Khun was bucking against him, spreading his legs wider and rubbing himself shamelessly against Bam’s knee. He was making low, wonton sounds and high, breathy gasps. The icy pink flush started to spread from his cheeks down to his collar bone. Bam gasped against Khun’s neck, “You’re so fucking hot for me.”

“Hell yes,” Khun whimpered, voice breathy, “Have you seen you?” Bam blinked, shocked to hear Khun say anything so direct. It looked like Khun had shocked himself, because he groaned and tried to turn his face away from Bam.  

Khun was a mess, flushed, panting, and so needy for Bam’s touch that it made Bam’s head spin. Khun’s pale hair fanned across the sheets, strands of it clinging to his face and neck. Bam raised himself onto his knees above Khun so that his hands were free. He used one to gently tuck a stray strand of hair behind Khun’s ear. That tender motion made Khun blink up at him. Khun’s pupils had blown wide again, swallowing the pale shades of his eyes in a dark haze of lust.

 Bam used his other hand to stretch up to untangle one of Khun’s hand from the sheets. Bam twined their fingers together. He drew their hands above Khun’s head and pressed Khun’s hand firmly into the mattress.

The motion stretched Bam across Khun’s body, pressing their chests together in a tight line. The knee between Khun’s thighs slid lower down the bed to be replaced by Bam’s thigh. Khun eagerly spread his legs wider to accommodate Bam.

“You’re incredible,” Bam murmured. He squeezed Khun’s wrist hard. Khun gasped and tried to hide his face against his own shoulder. Bam drank in the sight of Khun wrecked by just his mouth and his touch.

“Khun,” Bam breathed,

Khun’s gaze drifted from Bam’s face and he asked, rather shyly, “you don’t think it’s weird?”

Once again, Khun seemed to knock Bam out of orbit, “What?”

The other boy was frowning now, teeth on his lower lip again, “Knowing…about me—you don’t think it’s weird?”

“Think what’s weird, Khun?”

Khun used his head and shoulders to gesture towards where Bam had his wrist pinned above them, “That.”

Bam was really puzzled now. He sat back on his heels, watching as Khun squirmed—not entirely in pleasure anymore. “No, Khun, of course not,” he said soothingly.  But he hadn’t caught it soon enough and the other boy was pulling away again. He could actually see Khun’s gaze sharpen as the haze of arousal cleared. Propping his hands beneath his shoulders, Khun pushed himself upright. They had ended up with Khun stretched on the bed, sort of perpendicular to the headboard. 

Now, Khun shifted so that he could lean against the headboard. He drew his knees up towards his chest. His mouth was relaxed, but knitted brows and downcast eyes suggested that Khun was thinking too hard. Bam had been incredibly aroused and this sudden switch back to normalcy was making him feel clumsy and slow.

Bam wanted sigh, not at Khun, but in fondness and devotion. He was committed to unraveling the neurotic threads that made Khun who he was. Because he absolutely adored Khun and wanted to keep doing ‘That’ with Khun.

Bam blinked, mind racing to catch up to the situation. He knew he needed to do something before Khun drifted into his own head again. He carefully crawled up the bed and sat against the headboard beside Khun, legs stretched out on the bed.

He was positive that he and Khun had been in the same headspace a minute ago. Whatever Khun was feeling now had been intense enough to drag him out of it. Khun kept his anxieties close and hidden behind the various barriers he’d fashioned around his mind and his heart. And Bam was exposing them with every touch of his fingers and press of his lips.

“You okay?” Bam asked. He reached out to take one of Khun’s pale hands and wrap it between his.

Khun nodded wordlessly. His mouth was relaxed and his gaze was soft, but his brows were knit together again.

 Bam hadn’t fully comprehended the anxiety that Khun lived with, but he was beginning to. He needed to reach Khun somehow, to let him know that he was beginning to understand how much he was asking of Khun.

If Bam was a better man and if their tomorrow were certain, he would have taken this more slowly. Khun wanted him, craved his touch, but he was almost as afraid of this as he wanted it.

Bam imagined dating Khun, wooing him slowly and deliberately. He would have taken him clothes shopping one afternoon, delighting in Khun’s enjoyment of that simple activity. Then they would have gotten ice cream, Bam insisting that they share one cone—enjoying the hell out of persuading Khun into doing something he already wanted to do. Every brush of their tongues would make Khun’s breath hitch. Khun might have taken long, deliberate licks of the cone, eyes fixed on Bam’s. Probably thinking it would serve Bam right for insisting on sharing a cone and to gauge his reaction.

Another evening, he would Khun out to dinner and marvel at how good he looked in a three-piece suit. He would have reached for Khun’s hand over the table, twining their fingers together and watching Khun blush. Khun would take bites off Bam’s fork, gaze heated under his pale lashes. Stealing hurried little kisses and caresses in darkened streets on their way home.

Instead, tonight might be the only night he could spend alone with Khun in a while. He had to make sure Khun understood exactly how he felt tonight. And, if he was being honest, he wanted to hear what kind of noises Khun would make if Bam was balls deep inside him.

Bam pressed his thigh to Khun’s. The other boy’s mouth tightened—He was thinking so hard Bam thought he could actually hear the gears of his mind grinding together. Then Khun sighed and dropped his head to rest on Bam’s shoulder.

Khun broke the easy silence with in a breathy, uneasy voice, “I’m sorry—”

 “Why?” He said, suddenly alarmed, “Khun, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing’s wrong. This is perfect,” Khun murmured, eyes closed. His pale bangs brushed Bam’s shoulder as he breathed, “I’m just nervous.” 

“That’s okay, Khun,” Bam said in a flood of relief. He tentatively wrapped his arm around Khun, fingers curling around his waist. He exhaled in relief when Khun settled against him, head slipping in the hollow of Bam’s shoulder. Khun had one hand in Bam’s lap, the other arm still brushing his knees. But Bam could feel him start to relax against his chest. “I’m so happy that I can touch you again,” Bam murmured nuzzling the top of Khun’s head with his cheek.

“I’m still getting used to it too,” Khun admitted. Bam’s mind did another sharp spin, he couldn’t believe how dense he was. Khun had been asleep in a glass coffin for the last two years, of course he was over-sensitive to touch. He was touch starved.

“I…” Bam fumbled with his words, then finally settled on, “Did I come on too strong earlier? You were so steady through everything I sort of…” he smiled and said softly, “…I guess I forgot that you had been gone so quickly because I was so happy you were back. When I saw you beside me, it felt like I was waking up from a bad dream.”

Khun angled himself to kiss Bam’s cheek—drawing his gaze. He looked up at Bam through his long, pale lashes, practically fluttering them, and murmured, “I know exactly what that feels like.” He began uncurling, legs stretching as his body relaxed against Bam’s torso.

Bam reach his other arm across their laps to take Khun’s hand and squeeze it.

Bam ventured, “Back then, you acted as if no time at all had passed—And that comforted me. But do you feel the same way?”

Khun blushed and looked down at their hands, Bam had threaded their fingers together. “Yes, but would you have—have started all this, with me, before I went into the coffin?”

“No,” Bam confessed, “But I thought about it.” Then he laughed, “What do you think I did living in a cave with Jinsung Ha for six years?”

Khun looked horrified.

“No! No,” Bam laughed, “No that’s not what I meant.” He nuzzled his head against the top of Khun’s. “I thought about you.” Khun finally let his full weight settle against Bam’s side and curled his leg against Bam’s. “And we didn’t live in that cave the whole time. I had my own room and television.” He said, flushed and thrilled to be confessing this. “I watched a hell of a lot of porn.”

“…and thought about me?” Khun said throatily, he was gazing at Bam with curious, heavy lidded eyes.

“Yeah Khun,” Bam whispered, “I thought about doing all kinds of things with you.” He grinned at how pink Khun was. “But then things kept happening and we pushed right through the Hell Train, and I was too all over the place…” He trailed off, not wanting Khun to think too hard about what had happened on the train.

“I wish I could take you on dates,” he confessed. Khun was still gazing at him, it was the longest he’d kept his eyes on Bam in a while. Bam realized that the eye contact meant Khun was relaxing. Bam continued, “do this more slowly—I feel like I’ve been—”

“I kept hoping you’d catch me every time I tried to slip away,” Khun confessed, eyes fixed on Bams, “Maybe I should have tried harder, but,” He gave Bam a brilliant smile. The light caught his eyes and they were shining with delight, “You would have gotten me eventually.” He looked down at their tangled fingers and shrugged, “I guess it was a little intense—”

“But you liked it?” Bam whispered, voice low and threaded with heat.

Khun nodded against his chest, “Yeah,” he blinked, looking straight into Bam’s eyes, “I like it rough, Bam.”

Bam’s dick twitched so hard that the sensation raced up his spin and mind went blank.

Then he was flooded with relief and a sense of victory. He had hoped Khun wanted him for years, and when Khun had flushed earlier at just at the touch of his hand—he’d known. But Khun had resisted saying it, leaving Bam feeling sort of off-kilter about how aggressive he’d been earlier.

“I wish you’d told me earlier,” Bam breathed.

“I thought it was obvious,” Khun said, rather mischievously. “But it was so,” he stumbled over his words, “I don’t know, so incredibly hot how you kept reading me, nudging me along.”

Bam already knew that Khun enjoyed the play of being persuaded into a decision he’d already made.

“Does that mean I can keep,” Bam growled, tightening his fingers around Khun’s waist, “being rough with you?”

“God yes,” Khun gasped.

Grinning into Khun’s hair, Bam untangled their hands so he could wrap his hand under Khun’s thigh. He wanted to pull Khun onto his lap, then spread Khun’s legs wide and touch him.

Bam slid his hand under Khun’s thigh, loving how Khun’s breath hitched when Bam’s fingers brushed his inner thigh. Bam used his grip on Khun’s thigh to lift him and his grip on Khun’s waist to guide the slighter boy into his lap.

Khun arched into Bam’s touch and gingerly lifted his other thigh to bring both of Khun’s legs between Bam’s.

Bam settled himself more comfortably against the headboard, letting his body slouch against the mound of pillows Khun had arranged. Then he slid both hands to Khun’s hips to settle the other boy on his lap. He rolled his hips against Khun, pressing his erection against Khun’s ass. Khun gasped and wiggled in Bam’s lap, breath hitching with every snap of Bam’s hips.

Bam pulled Khun tight against his lap and sank his teeth into the light bearer’s pale neck. Khun whimpered and went limp. Bam nudged his knees under Khun’s pliant legs. Then he spread his own legs—spreading Khun’s with him. Khun whined and arched against Bam, legs spread wide enough that he could hook his knees outside of Bam’s.

With Khun’s legs spread like this, Bam could see Khun’s erection clearly again. The length of it was trapped by his slacks, but Bam could see it twitching against the fabric. Khun moaned and that pink flush spread all the way down his neck. Bam’s tightened his grip on Khun’s hips, pressing Khun tight against him while Bam thrust into the curve of his ass. Bam held Khun still while he found a firm rhythm.

“Is this how you want to cum Khun?” Bam said, voice a rumble in Khun’s ear.

Khun’s response was a keening whimper.

“Because I’ve thought about making you cum like this, Khun.” Bam grinned at a sudden thought, his voice practically dropped an octave when he said, “Watching you fall apart in my arms while I jerk you off.”

Khun’s gaze shifted from between his own legs back to Bam’s face, looking a little concerned.

“Tell me what you want, Khun,” Bam whispered in the other boy’s ear.

Khun’s head rolled back onto Bam’s shoulder, exposing his neck and face.

Bam felt another rush of pride and heat. He could see Khun’s face clearly now—Khun was letting Bam see his face. Bam wriggled his hips to press his own erection against Khun’s ass. The other boy moaned for him. Khun’s eyes were like a translucent gem—showing Bam everything that slid through them. Bam watched, pleased to see the anxiety drain from Khun’s eyes. He still sensed some wariness in the other boy, but he could work with that.

 Bam rewarded Khun by pressing little kisses down Khun’s neck, Khun’s breath hitching with every press of Bam’s lips.

Embarrassed, Khun dropped his gaze and gasped, “I want you to do that.” The he frowned prettily, “But what about—”

“We have time,” Bam rumbled, the sheer need in Khun’s voice sent a rush of heat down Bam’s spine. “Don’t worry,” something in his voice snapped Khun’s gaze back to him. Bam licked his lips and drawled, “I just need to touch your dick. Now.”

A dark satisfaction filled him when he saw Khun whining and thrusting against the air—desperate for friction. He kissed Khun’s ear to whisper, “and later I’m going to fuck you senseless.” He was so exhilarated by the thought that he groaned and sunk his teeth into Khun’s neck—just below his ear. Khun wined, hips thrusting. Bam bit harder while his eyes were fixed on Khun’s cock.

Bam pulled one arm around Khun’s chest, holding him in place, while the other snaked between Khun’s thighs. Khun was practically panting against him. Bam stopped at the waist of Khun’s pants and Khun let out a heated moan. He realized, suddenly, that they were both still fully dressed.

That would have to change.

For now, Bam used one hand to start unbuttoning Khun’s shirt. He unfastened the buttons slowly and deliberately, reveling in Khun’s hitched breaths and wiggles against Bam’s cock. When the shirt was unbuttoned, Bam pushed it out of the way, letting the white fabric frame Khun’s chest. Bam slid his hand down Khun’s bare chest, knowing the pace was driving Khun wild with desire. Then he gripped Khun’s hip tightly, holding Khun in place.

“Bam just do it!” Khun whined.

Bam’s voice was a gravely purr in Khun’s ear, “Do what?”

Khun almost sobbed as Bam’s other hand played waist band of Kun’s slacks. He slipped a finger beneath the fabric to run it along the crest of Khun’s hip bone. Then he reached between Khun’s legs and to trace the outline of his erection through the thin fabric with his fingers—touch light and delicate. Khun writhed against him, hips thrusting desperately against that light touch. Bam couldn’t imagine what Khun would do when he had Khun’s cock in his mouth. But he filed that thought away for later. 

When Bam unbuttoned the waist band of Khun’s slacks, the other boy went very still. Khun moaned, voice high and needy, “Please Bam, please touch me, please…” he trailed off, rubbing his face against Bam’s neck.

Bam unzipped the slacks and reached inside to push Khun’s boxers down. Khun’s erection practically sprung into Bam’s waiting hand. Khun arched his back, strung as tight as a string in a bow. His fingers digging into Bam’s thighs.

 Khun’s cock was exposed, twitching against Bam’s palm.

For a long, reverent moment, Bam just stared at him. Khun’s cock was as pale and pretty as the rest of him. His skin was so soft against the calluses on Bam’s palms and fingertips. The tip of Khun was flushed an icy pink, just like the rest of him, and shiny with precum. That made Bam exhale in a heated rush, Khun would’ve cum in his slacks. He drank in the sight of Khun wanton and shivering for his touch. Bam resisted the urge to close his hand around Khun’s cock. He kept Khun’s cock in his palm, touch feather light, while he tightened his grip on Khuns hipbone—hoping he’d find little bruises later that were shaped like his fingers.

He realized, almost idly, that he hadn’t taken Khun’s slacks off. He wished that he had, but now that he had Khun literally in the palm of his hand—he couldn’t stop. He needed to make Khun cum, wanted to see it splatter on Khun’s pale chest, wanted to see what it tasted like.

He closed his hand around Khun’s cock while he thrust his hips against Khun’s ass.

“Bam!” Khun gasped, dangerously close to an actual scream. The thought of Khun actually screaming for him made Bam sink his teeth into another tender spot of Khun’s neck. He stared to suck and bite at Khun’s neck in earnest as he tugged Khun’s dick.

He swiped his thumb to gather Khun’s precum, then raised it to his mouth—eyes on Khun’s as he licked the salty fluid. Khun’s eyes stretched even wider and his mouth dropped into a small o.

Bam’s cock was twitching in his own jeans—he was so close to the edge. He needed to see Khun cum though. He touched Khun with long, sure strokes. He pulled his mouth away from Khun’s neck to his ear, “I’m going to make you cum.”

Khun was panting now. His hips twitched helplessly against Bam’s hand as he fell apart. His head lolled back against Bam’s shoulder, pink tongue tracing his own full lips. Bam couldn’t help craning his neck to press his mouth to Khun’s. He swallowed Khun’s little moans, tangling his tongue with Khun’s. When he pulled away from the kiss, he squeezed Khun’s dick tightly, making Khun cry out.

Khun’s head fell back against Bam’s shoulder, breath hitching and broken.  Strands of his blue hair were stuck to his wet lips.

“You’re so fucking hot, Khun,” Bam gasped.

Khun’s cock throbbed in his hand. Khun moaned and tried to spread his legs even wider, bucking his hips against Bam’s hands. He made a frustrated sound when Bam didn’t start stroking him again. His hands reached desperately for something to hold on to, stretching to grab fistfuls of the sheet beneath them.

Bam began stroking Khun again. “Look at me,” Bam whispered. Khun’s gaze shifted from Bam’s hand on his cock to Bam’s eyes. Bam marveled, again, at the incredible man in his arms. He had never seen Khun’s gaze so hazy and unfocused. Khun’s face softened as some final reserve drained from his eyes—leaving them dazed and almost glowing with pleasure. Bam stared at the man in his arms with growing awe.

He had driven Khun completely wild and that made Bam growl, “now look at your dick.”

Khun obeyed him, watching Bam’s hand sliding up and down his cock. That obedience made Bam groan. He squeezed Khun’s dick again, sliding his hand around the tip of him to catch slick drops of precum. He used that slickness to speed up. For a moment, all his heard was Khun panting by his ear and the soft fiction of skin on skin. Then he realized Khun was whispering in a low, hot voice, “please Bam, please, please, I want you so bad—please!”

That made Bam’s stomach clench and head spin. He growled wordlessly and tugged harder on Khun’s cock.

He could feel how close Khun was by the staccato rhythm of his breath and the tightness of his body. He simultaneously shifted his hand on Khun’s dick and breathed, “Then cum for me, Khun.”

Khun writhed, trying to find somewhere to hide his face and failing. Bam swirled his thumb against the head of Khun’s cock. Khun let his neck fall against Bam’s shoulder and gazed up at Bam. For a moment, Khun’s gaze fluttered between Bam’s face and his own dick.

Bam watched as Khun made some decision and let himself collapse into this, into Bam, into their future. Khun blinked up at him, shedding some final shroud of reluctance—offering all of himself to Bam with those smoldering eyes.

“Khun,” Bam breathed, letting Khun see the awe in his eyes.

“Oh god,” Khun whimpered. Bam watched his climax build, watched the pressure of Khun’s orgasm cloud his gaze, felt every one of Khun’s muscles tighten at once, “Oh my god, Bam!” Khun came with a chocked cry.

Bam glanced from Khun’s face to watch strands of cum splatter against Khun’s stomach, marveling at how white it was against his own hand. Khun was flushed so pink that the streaks of cum caught the light, looking like thin, white ribbons along his chest.  The sight pushed Bam over the edge and forced his own orgasm. Bam came in his jeans, clutching Khun’s hip with his other hand and groaning into his neck.

The force of his own orgasm pushed the air out of Bam’s lungs and the intensity of everything staggered him. It was the most intense orgasm Bam had ever experienced—and Khun hadn’t even touched him. He glanced back down to look Khun’s dick, softening in Bam’s loose grip.

Bam realized that Khun was looking at his hand too. Bam didn’t want to let go of Khun’s cock. He did, but only so that he could lick Khun’s come off his thumb.

Khun made a little whimper and Bam grinned. He lowered his hand and let it hover by Khun’s pink lips, imaging Khun licking each digit clean. When Khun started to do just that, Bam’s head flopped against the headboard.

He loved the feel of Khun’s clever little tongue against his fingers, mouth like some hot velvet glove. The feel and sight of Khun licking his fingers went straight to Bam’s dick, making it twitch again.  When Khun finished, Bam let his hand fall limp against the sheets. His mind was still hazy, but Bam knew he should take care of Khun. His mind started scrambling ahead of his body, making a disorganized mental list of things to do for his light-bearer.

Khun cleared his throat, drawing Bam’s attention back to the present. “Not bad,” Khun managed to sound like he hadn’t just gasped Bam’s name in a toe-curling orgasm. Bam blinked down at him, then he started to laugh. It seemed to be infectious because Khun began to giggle too. He lifted his legs off Bam’s, letting them fall onto the bed between Bam’s. Khun winced a little at the motion.

“Are you alright?” Bam said in a hurried rush.

It made Khun smile tenderly up at him, he lifted one hand to cup Bam’s cheek. “I’m fine, my hips are just stiff.”  

“Oh,” the worry dissipating as suddenly as it had seized him. Khun dropped his hand to Bam’s shoulder and languidly pulled his other hand to rest on Bam’s knee. He used the leverage to slink onto his knees and twisted in Bam’s arms. Now Khun was on his knees between Bam’s legs, gazing up at him,

Khun’s face was light by the afterglow of his orgasm. He was fantastically pretty and now he was staring at Bam. He stretched up, meaning to wrap his arms around Bam’s shoulders. But he paused half-way through the motion, eyes darting between his own chest and Bam’s clothed one—as if concerned about getting cum on Bam’s shirt. Bam finished the gesture for him, drawing his hand from Khun’s hip to the small of his back—gently encouraging Khun closer. Khun gave him a pleased smile, wrapping his arms around Bam’s neck.

 Bam was riding a wild euphoria, he couldn’t stop staring at Khun. The light-bearer buried his face in the hollow of Bam’s neck. He practically collapsed into Bam with a pleased sigh. They were cuddling—Bam was cuddling with Khun!

It was incredible. Bam wanted to etch this moment into his mind.

Bam wanted to run his free hand through Khun’s silky hair, but the cum was already drying into sticky on his hand. Instead he rubbed Khun’s back in small, soothing circles. Khun was boneless against him, warm and needy in the haze of his own orgasm. They sat like that for a while, Khun nestled against Bam’s chest. They just breathed together, both savoring the afterglow. Bam realized that Khun’s knees were going to get stiff, the other boy’s legs were still half under his torso.

“I know your knees must be getting stiff like that, but I don’t want to move,” Bam murmured.

“Me neither,” Khun admitted.

“And I want to touch your hair,” He held up the cum-streaked hand, “But I don’t think you’ll let me.”

“Not with that hand,” Khun sniffed, “I took a shower earlier.” Then something occurred to Khun, “But you didn’t, did you?” he drawled.

Bam blushed, “No, I didn’t even think too—”

“Of course not,” Khun sighed, without any genuine irritation, “I should have known better.” He grinned up at Bam. As his eyes caught the yellow flannel again, he murmured, “At least now you’ll have to change.” His voice was light and teasing.

“Was this all about getting me out of this shirt?” Bam laughed.

Khun slapped Bam’s shoulder playfully, “I could have done that in five minutes.” Then he kissed Bam’s cheek, “be grateful I let you take the long path.” Khun was blushing faintly, blinking up at Bam, as if slightly nervous what his reaction would be.

“I’m grateful for any path that you’ll give me,” Bam murmured, the sincerity of his voice was raw and earnest. As the haze of his orgasm faded, he started to come back to reality. He was suddenly worried that Khun still had one foot out the door.

“Oh Bam, “Khun breathed into his neck, “Bam…” He trailed off.

Bam felt a rush of adoration and pride swell in his chest. His mind fumbled through responses, discarding the more saccharine ones—he really wanted to just go for it and say, ‘I love you,’ but the time wasn’t quite right. He wanted to really blow Khun away with the timing of that particular bomb. He nuzzled his cheek against Khun’s. 

Khun craned his neck so he could press his lips to Bam’s. They shared a long, gentle kiss. Bam realized that he was a little nervous. He had watched Khun surrender to him, felt the intensity of their shared orgasm, but he was still afraid Khun would bolt on him.

Khun pulled away first, settling almost primly on his knees. “Let’s clean up,” he said reluctantly, sounding loathe to leave the bed and Bam’s arms.

His tone gave Bam a very cute idea. Bam slipped off the bed and grabbed Khun, pulling the slighter boy into his arms. Before Khun could react, he was in Bam’s arms. Bam was carrying him bridal style to the bathroom.

Khun grinned at him, then let his head loll against Bam’s shoulders and laughed. When he noticed that Bam hadn’t even taken his shoes off, he laughed harder.

Bam set him down on the threshold of the bathroom. Khun’s toes settled delicately on the tile. He stared up at Bam as he used Bam’s shoulder to steady himself. His touch was so light on Bam’s skin, but there was something possessive in the way his fingers pressed into Bam’s shoulders. He’d shaken off the afterglow and his gaze was clear and bright.

 It was like Khun had immediately jumped back into his confident skin, but the touches were throwing him off. Khun was touching Bam like he owned him. Bam was all in favor of that. But Khun’s touch was so solid and grounded that Bam was off guard and suddenly nervous.

Bam had sort of expected Khun to be needy and sweet, still rebuilding himself. Instead, Khun looked like he’d never felt more sure in his own skin. It was hot as hell, but Bam felt troublingly out of the loop.

Khun strode over to the granite counter, stripping off his shirt and tossing it in the hamper. He summoned a compressed light house over and reached his hand inside. After a brief moment of fumbling, he drew out a small canvas bag. The light house retreated to the bedroom while Khun unzipped the bag, opening a kit containing all sorts of fragrant grooming products.

Bam watched him, not even bothering to hide his heated, awed gaze. He dumbly noticed that his mouth slightly parted.

“What?” Khun asked, smiling wickedly he put one arm on the counter. Resting his weight on it, Khun twisted slightly cocked his hip. The playful glint in his gaze said that he knew exactly how that gesture highlighted the curves of his abdominal muscles. He glanced up through his lashes at Bam, smile widening when he saw Bam’s awed expression.

Bam said shyly, “you just seem so…you?”

“Is that a problem?”

“Of course not Khun, I—” he stammered, “You know how I feel about you. I just wasn’t expecting it after—I thought you were nervous.”

“I was,” Khun said, shrugging thoughtfully, “I don’t feel nervous now.” He set his other arm on the counter and slouched a little. “I guess I’m thinking we have the next 24 hours to ourselves. And, um, I just want to spend them with you. There’s nothing we can do about anything until we get to the floating ship.”

“Me too, Khun, I can’t wait to even just, you know, sleep together,” Bam said shyly. “It’s just—I’m scared that I’ll get in the shower and you’ll be gone.”

Khun was in his arms before he could even react. The light-bearer’s his arms around Bam’s neck again. Khun traced his nose along Bam’s cheek, “I’m yours,” he whispered. “You saw me decide,” Khun said, voice hushed and almost shy, eyes fluttered to Bams. Bam did, he remembered Khun’s face just before he came. He saw Khun remember the same moment and flush.

Bam knew that, he knew he’d caught Khun. Maybe he was just having trouble reconciling sex-Khun with his-Khun. But he was thrilled to see Khun preening with confidence and joy.

Khun laughed and murmured, “I guess it’s still so surreal, I want to be the most me.”

Bam smiled in return, “I love it,” he nipped playfully on Khun’s lip and watching a hint of dazed arousal flash through his pale eyes.

Khun pulled back, smirking at him, “Now please take a shower. I’ll let you use my conditioner.”

It was embarrassing how much the word ‘conditioner’ delighted Bam. He let Khun set various products in the shelves built into the corners of the shower. Khun gave him a playful push and went back to the sink.

Bam turned on the water and stripped while it heated up. When it was warm enough, he slipped in.

Idly he asked, “What time is it?” He adjusted the water temperature slightly higher. The shower was large enough that Khun could have fit in the stall with him. The shower head was large and the water pressure was perfect. He was surprisingly eager to use Khun’s soaps and conditioners—he had forgotten how many products caring for long hair required. He was looking forward to a luxurious shower with Khun’s company.

“8pm, did you manage to sleep at all earlier?”

Bam shook his head, then realized that Khun couldn’t see him clearly through the frosted glass. “Not really,” He called over the spray of the water. “I should have, I was just too wrapped up in my own head.”

“I don’t blame you,” Khun’s voice was gentle and full of fondness. “I didn’t really understand how you felt. You are always right in the center of everything. It’s not an easy path to walk. But you forgot that I’m with you, you aren’t alone.”

Bam was lathering shampoo through his hair while he listened. If he hadn’t been washing his hair, he would have slid the door open and kissed Khun. He tried to put that intense feeing into his voice when he said, “I know, Khun. I’m sorry I forgot.”

“Already forgave you,” Khun’s voice was just as warm.

Smoothing conditioner through his hair, Bam reveled in the warm water. He had washed himself using basil soap and a body wash that smelled like lemons and mint.

“I’m going to get changed and settle in,” Khun announced, then his voice took a teasing edge, “Will you be alright for a few minutes?”

“Yes, Khun,” Bam laughed. He heard the bathroom door slide shut. He didn’t really feel alone, though. Khun was in his bedroom ‘settling in.’

Bam didn’t know entirely what that meant to Khun, but it sent a thrill of anticipation down his spine. Khun was going to spend the night with him, they would be sharing a room. They had plenty of times in the past—mostly on the hell train. Bam had thought about talking to Khun almost every night they shared a room. But the hell train had been such a frantic rush. And the chaotic force that Rachel had become was constantly wearing him down. Every time he saw her, it felt like some massive, horrific wave breaking right on him.

He forced Rachel out of his mind. Two years ago, he had made his choice. The only blessing of the last few years had been her disappearance from his life. He didn’t know when or how they would come in contact again, but he didn’t like to think about it. Because he had become aware of how a confrontation would have to end—she had tried to kill Khun, and she would try again. No secret she might hold was worth Khun’s safety. And Rachel lied.

Threading his hands through his hair, he rinsed it under the water. He took care to rinse it all out, enjoying the herbaceous scent. He finished by washing his face with Khun’s mild, citrusy soap.

When he stepped out of the shower, he found two fluffy, white towels laid out for him. He wrapped one around his waist and one in his hair. He went to open the door, hesitating for a moment. What if Khun had bolted on him? He slid the door open and tried to slide his doubts away too.

What he saw made him feel like his heart had leapt to his throat and was choking him.

Khun was settled on the bed, propped up against a mound of pillows—had there been that many pillows before?

The sheets on the bed were a bright sapphire blue and they looked thick and luxurious. Khun had changed the sheets—of course he had. He would be loath to sleep on sheets where Bam’s shoes had been. Bam knew that Khun stored bedding in his lighthouse. On the hell train they had never been sure what exactly they’d find to sleep on.

 Khun was wearing a pair of Bam’s joggers and a loose white t-shirt. They’d shared clothes before, but seeing Khun in his clothes now—that they were dating, in a relationship? Whatever it was, the domesticity of the whole scene filled him with bliss.

And Khun was wearing a pair of dainty reading glasses. They had small, round lenses and a delicate silver frame.

Khun glanced up at him with a bright, proud grin. Khun murmured, “Come here.” Bam did, he didn’t want to sit on the clean sheets in his wet towel. But he found a pair of black sweat pants and a soft, loose sweater set out for him. He noted there was no underwear laid out, that sent a gentle thrill through him. As he got dressed, he realized how exhausted he was.

The bed looked impossible cozy because Khun was in it wearing a cute pair of reading glasses. Bam was so tired—it was as if he’d just slammed into a wall. He crawled into bed, pulling the light sheet up to his chest. He nuzzled close to Khun, pressing his face into the hollow of Khun’s neck. Khun was still on top of the sheets, light house open in front of him. But Khun leaned into him, pressing a kiss atop his head.

“You should take a nap,” Khun said matter of factly.

“I hate to waste time sleeping when I could be with you,” Bam grumbled. But Khun was right, he was exhausted.  

Khun reached down to grab his hand and place a delicate kiss on it. He glanced up at Bam and his eyes practically smoldered sex. “Don’t worry, I won’t let you sleep too long. We’ll need to go to sleep around 4am or so and sleep in—we won’t get to the floating ship till tomorrow evening.”

Bam was incredibly comfortable, so he just nodded. Khun pulled a thick book from his light house and then closed it, letting the cube float near the bed. “Hey, do you have streaming set up on your lighthouse?”

Khun gave him a deadpan stare. With a flick of his fingers, he moved the lighthouse in front of the bed and stretched it out to mimic a television screen. “Do you mind if I read?”

The domesticity of all of this overwhelmed Bam again. He didn’t know what so say, so he blurted out whatever came to his mind first, “God no, I’d love it. I love it.” Khun gave him a wide smile and settled himself against his pillows. Bam arranged his own pillow to lay just under Khun’s shoulder. He nestled into the bed, loving that he could blink up and see Khun reading beside him. Bam turned on the lighthouse and put on a low-key anime. Khun smirked at him and dimmed the room’s lights.

They sat in a delighted silence. Bam loved looking up to see Khun so casual and relaxed above him, loved watching his pale, slender fingers turn the pages of his book. Bam was incredibly sleepy. He hoped he stayed awake long enough to at least finish the episode.

After a few minutes, Khun rolled his eyes up at the screen. He blinked, looking incredibly cute in his glasses. “Is that his girlfriend?”

“No, that’s his step-sister. He’s dating his teacher.”

“…his teacher lives with him?”

“No, no—she’s his step-sister too,” Bam insisted and giving Khun a goofy grin, “it’s great.”  

Khun kissed his forehead, a smirk twitching at his lips.

“Well what’re you reading?” Bam asked, loving every new little piece of information he found out about Khun. It was almost like this was a new person, sitting in the bed beside him. It was still Khun, but every little gesture just built another version of Khun in Bam’s mind.

“Shinsu wave theory, specifically on the quantum mechanics of teleportation.”

“Don’t judge me,” Bam protested, tucking the sheet up to his chin. Thinking distantly that he must look sleepy and petulant.

“I’m watching it too,” Khun confessed, kissing Bam’s cheek. “Now sleep.”

Bam reached up to cup Khun’s face in his hand and pressed a final kiss to his light-bearer’s lips. He wanted to just lay like that forever. There was something intoxicating about the warmth of Khun beside him and the knowledge that he if he opened his eyes, Khun would be right there.

He slept lightly and fitfully. At first, it felt like he was awake and just seeing his bedroom through a thin pane of frosted glass. He could see Khun’s blurred figure beside him.

Bam didn’t usually dream, and when he did, he almost never remembered them—he considered it a blessing.

Chapter Text

Bam reached up to cup Khun’s face in his hand and pressed a final kiss to his lightbearer’s lips. He wanted to just lay like that forever. There was something intoxicating about the warmth of Khun beside him and the knowledge that he if he opened his eyes, Khun would be right there.

He slept lightly and fitfully. At first, it felt like he was awake and just seeing his bedroom through a thin pane of frosted glass. He could see Khun’s blurred figure beside him.

Bam didn’t usually dream, and when he did, he almost never remembered them—he considered it a blessing.

But my words become stained with your love. You occupy everything, you occupy everything.

He was watching Khun read. His pale fingers turned each page with a deliberate elegance that fascinated Bam. Those glasses made Khun look so much younger, reminding Bam of the brittle, determined boy he’d met a decade ago on the floor of tests.

Then he saw something oddly luminescent flowing around Khun, capering around his chest and neck. It was a striking orange shade, edged in brilliant golden shades and fringed with crimson sparks.

It was as if someone had boiled all the hues of a sunset into a distinct shape. But Bam couldn’t quite identify it. He watched it swirl around Khun in little circles, leaving a glowing trail behind. That light caught Khun’s eyes and reflected an almost phosphorescent circle of gold around Khun’s irises. The halo made the cobalt rings of Khun’s pupil seem an even more saturated, bright shade of blue.

The effect was so striking that Bam’s mouth parted, as if he meant to say something. But he found that he had no voice in this place.

He realized that it was a little fish, capering and dancing through the waves of Khun’s ambient shinsu. The golden-orange hues of the fish were very complimentary to the pale blues of Khun’s pale coloring. The awe faded quickly and Bam found something eerie about this beauty—it was something dangerous.

 The shinsu compressed in that friendly shape was immensely powerful. It felt like the flame of the Yeon family, but it was just a shadow of the true power that flame held. It wasn’t the flame of destruction, but of life and healing. Bam still felt uneasy. He had a nagging sense that it wasn’t complimentary to Khun’s shinsu.

Then Khun blazed to light. He was on fire, burning the same hues as that little fish. But there were no screams of pain or sizzling flesh. Khun was still just relaxed on the bed, reading as if nothing had changed, while that fire consumed him.

Bam tried to reach out to him, but he was paralyzed. Then he was falling, plummeting into some void. It was almost like he was falling through some plane of space and time. Khun was reading his book one handed, the other was placed on the outline of Bam’s hand under the sheet. The reflection of Bam was still in bed. He was curled beside the blaze of color that Khun had become. Even though he could see himself in bed, Bam was still falling. Khun became a dim spark at the edge of his vision.

And then he was standing at the edge of a wide, grassy field that was rimmed by tall, dark trees.  It was the middle of the night. The stars blazed in the sky above him and the moon was a full, silver disk. The moonlight threw long shadows across the meadow. He couldn’t feel shinsu here—it was like one of his senses had been completely cut. The sudden lack of it staggered him and Bam tried to scream. But there was no sound in this place.

He saw a little girl, dancing in little circles in the meadow. She looked like she was made of starlight. There was a woman watching her. Bam couldn’t make out any details of her face or clothing. All he could tell was that she had long, dark hair. The moonlight shifted to suddenly illuminate a sheer cliff face in the distance. The light revealed a symbol that looked like it had been painted on the rock by hand, with confident, messy strokes. Bam saw three, diamond shaped eyes in a triangular pattern with three red dots and then a long, straight line beneath it. The moonlight drained all the color from the scene, making the symbol look black—But Bam knew instantly that it was truly the color of old blood.

Golden light flooded his eyes, blinding him for a moment. When Bam blinked his eyes open, he saw the heavy stone doors he had seen only once before—when he had entered the tower. The doors slowly opened as the light dissipated.

Inside, Bam caught of a glimpse of a peaceful, green place. There was a garden, with a wide, calm pool in the center. A dainty wood bridge stretched over the length of the pond. In the distance, Bam saw a huge, beautiful house made of shining, dark wood with sloping triangular rooves. Then he noticed a figure sitting on the bridge, toes dipping into the water. Little koi fish capered around those pale feet.

 It was Khun, looking more relaxed than Bam had ever seen him. He was older too. It was subtle, but the angles of his face had sharpened slightly. His hair had grown. Khun had clearly given up the hair straightener and let his natural texture take over. His bangs were longer, now they brushed his cheekbones. His hair was loosely braided down his back and tied with a bit of black silk. Stray waves fanned across his shoulders where they’d slipped from the braid. His hair was so pale and thick, Bam desperately wanted to run his hands through it.

He was just wearing a pale blue silk robe, leaving his chest exposed and belted at the waist. The silk was printed with patterns of bright koi fish in yellows and oranges and greens. It looked magnificent against Khun’s hair and complimented his icy skin.

Then one of the houses many doors slid open. Bam saw himself emerging from the house—their house?  

His hair was long too, as long as he’d worn it as Jyu Viole Grace, but it fell loose around his body like a shining, chestnut cloak. He was older too. He’d gotten taller and broader. His bangs were cut straight, framing his eyes—were his eyes actually that bright? They couldn’t have been, but here his eyes looked like pieces of molten gold. And he had layered, longer bangs that brushed his chin and shoulders. A black silk robe hung open, framing his chest. Underneath he wore loose fitting black linen pants that gathered at the ankle.

Bam’s eyes widened, future Bam looked good.

And when Khun saw Him—Bam, Khun’s face brightened and broke into a brilliant, tender grin.

The door slammed shut.

Bam blinked and realized that there were tears in his eyes. He watched them fall from his eyes and scatter into the darkness as he kept to falling. He realized he was panting and he couldn’t hear himself. He couldn’t hear anything. The void swallowed all sound.

The door appeared before him again. It opened, flooding everything with golden light.

This was a battlefield. It was the end of a long battle. The air was hazy from debris thrown up from the cracked and scorched earth. Little embers still sparked in the air. But the sun was shining merrily, and the sky was a brilliant blue. There were even thick, fluffy clouds rolling across the sky.

The ground was covered in bodies. The horizon stretched far in the distance. And Bam could see nothing but bodies, some were still alive and were writhing in agony. There were piles of them, broken and bloody bodies—they looked like gruesome dolls.

Bam suddenly realized that the reason he could see so far was because he was standing atop one of those piles. His clothes were torn, he was covered in grit and blood. But he was totally unharmed. His long hair had slipped from his high ponytail, it fluttered loose in the breeze and glittered in the sunlight.  Then Bam noticed how the light caught his hair—making something in it shine candy apple red—blood. He knew it couldn’t have been his.

He looked up again at the sea of corpses before him.

Had he done this?

He realized that he wasn’t alone. There was a mass of people behind him. His friends and his team-mates, his allies and his mentors.

Bam looked down at his hands. Khun was holding one of them. Khun was beside him, standing on his lighthouse, bangs obscuring his face and blood on his torn coat. He looked shaken. shoulders hitching as he wept.

Hwaryun was standing on his other side, wearing an evening gown the color of dried blood. The gown was made of some gossamer fabric that fluttered around her in the breeze. It billowed around her, exposing her shapely, pale legs.  Bam could see blood splattered across her knees and thighs. She was barefoot and her feet were wet with blood. But she wasn’t hurt, it couldn’t have been her blood. She surveyed the carnage before them wearing an unreadable smile.

Then he heard one sound—just Hwaryun’s voice, clear as a bell, “A new slayer is born.”

Bam wrapped his arms around Khun, buried his face in Khun’s shoulder and started to scream.

This was hell.

The doors closed again.

Bam was falling, gently this time—floating like a feather in a dark space. He should have felt shaken or disturbed, but instead he felt a decisive confidence. Those visions were not his fate. In this place, this tower of light, he truly could create his own destiny. These were just paths, visions of what could be—paths that were being created as a result of his choice. He would use the knowledge to navigate the possibilities and make his own way.

He seemed to float into consciousness. He didn’t feel like he had slept, but he felt rejuvenated somehow. Bam blinked, rubbing his eyes. He felt something warm beside him. Bam sat upright and scooted against the headboard. He ended up with his shoulder brushing against Khun’s. Then he realized that Khun’s face was right next to his.

“Hi Bam,” Khun murmured. He was still wearing his reading glasses. Bam grinned at him and Khun immediately blushed. Bam darted over to place a quick kiss on Khun’s cheek.

“I should have told you earlier, but those glasses are driving me crazy.”

Bam got to watch Khun go scarlet, trying to hide his face behind his shoulder. “So, um,” he drew his knees up to his chest, setting his book down on the bed, “You seem like you slept well.”

“it was wild, Khun.”

Khun’s excitement faded into a puzzled frown, “What do you mean?”

Bam looked down at his hands, they were his own. Khun had taken a shower and he smelled like his own rosemary shampoo. This was the same bedroom, this was his Khun. That anchored him, helped him readjust to reality.

“I think the tower just showed me paths.” Bam said, voice shaken and stunned, “Like potential paths being created.”

Khun stared at him for a moment, as if he were waiting for Bam to say ‘just kidding.’ When Bam just stared back, Khun pulled off his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose and sighed, “Hold on.” He got up and pulled cans of coffee out of his light house.

Bam told Khun his dreams while they huddled together and drank their coffees. He held back the vision of the little girl dancing in the dark—he had a feeling that dream was connected to Rachel, to the outside. That was the vision that frightened him most, although he couldn’t decipher why.

When Bam finished, he waited for Khun’s opinions and was surprised to see that his light-bearer was still sitting in a stunned silence. Then Khun shook his head and grabbed another can of coffee.

“You aren’t afraid?”

“No,” Bam said, beaming with confidence, “it wasn’t pre-determined, that isn’t my future. It’s just a potential path somewhere. But in this place, I can literally create a path between those potential ones.”

“Bam,” Khun breathed, “I don’t know anything about this. Has this ever happened before?”

Bam shook his head, “I don’t think so, I usually don’t dream. The closest thing I can think of is when FUG made me a living ignition weapon. I thought I was awake during it, but maybe I wasn’t.”

That made Khun’s face darken.

“I’m sorry, Khun I didn’t—”

“Don’t apologize, Bam,” Khun sighed, “It bothers me to hear about it, but I still need to hear it. Can you think of anything else?”

“Other than the first time I entered the tower, no.” Bam shook his head, “And back then all I saw was the light and the doors opening—I didn’t see anything inside.”

“Maybe it was just a dream?” Khun suggested. “It could’ve just been a metaphor.”

“Maybe, yeah, I don’t know,” Bam sighed. Then he had an idea, “I feel like Hwaryun will come back soon. It’s just a feeling, but…maybe she’ll have an idea.”

Khun gave an unhappy grunt.

“I know she isn’t your favorite person, Khun, but she is my guide.”

“You want to get to that garden, huh?” Khun murmured, smirking at Bam. Then his eyes went very wide and his expression dissolved into a frown, “What color were the rooves?”

“What?”

“The house behind the garden, what color were the rooves?”

Bam frowned in thought, “Um, the tiles were white, but every single one was lined in red. And the slopes of the rooves were lacquered red. But the house itself was wood, but it was dark and sort of shiny—”

“—mahogany?”

“Yeah!” Bam said, voice excited—then the bizarre reality that Khun was familiar with that house hit Bam in the face like a sack of rocks, “Wait, what?”

Khun was staring very intently at the can of coffee in his hand. “The house I grew up in. It was mahogany. The rooves were laid with white tiles with red linings. And the slopes of them were lacquered red.”

“What?” Bam repeated.  

“So not just a dream then,” Khun murmured. “Well, you managed to make me look forward to seeing Hwaryun.”

Bam had to actively resist the urge to apologize.

“My mother’s favorite color was red,” Khun explained, eyes glazing over—as if he were actually looking into the past. “Eduan had that house built for her, exactly how she wanted it. Most of the wives adopted my father’s preferences to curry favor. She liked being different, thought it made us stand out from all the other branches.” A small, wistful smile flickered across his face, “She liked to dress me in reds and yellows. I had one yukata that was yellow silk patterned with red spider lilies.”

“You don’t really wear red,” Bam ventured. He wanted to tread very carefully. Khun was talking about himself, about his mother—this was very uncharted territory for Bam. It had taken his cousin literally gutting him for Khun to offer the briefest outline of his childhood.

“No,” Khun was frowning now, “Not anymore.” He didn’t look upset exactly, even though his face was soft and relaxed, there was a sadness in his gaze.

“My mother’s family didn’t have much money or prestige—they were very average. But she was extraordinary. She was a great beauty and very good with knives, there was just something peculiar about her. When Khun Eduan took her for a bride, she felt like she was living a fairytale. Her first child was a daughter, my older sister, and Eduan was so pleased that he lavished her with affection, clothes, jewels--whatever she wanted. She dressed up in silk robes and hanboks every day…she loved dressing both of us too. I remember her being so happy.”

“Were you happy there?”

“…when I was very young.”

Bam tried to read Khun’s expression but failed. Khun murmured, “My mother never really grew up, she was a woman-child until the end. She never noticed she was in danger until it was too late.” He gave Bam a sad, almost sarcastic smile, “But she was extremely interested in the politics and the intrigue, even though she didn’t realize how precarious our situation really was. She had no illusions about Eduan, but there was still something,” he frowned, searching for a word, “naïve about her. She used us as a shield in some ways—you know about my sister?”

“She was supposed to be a princess of Jahad,” Bam said, trying to keep very still and his voice very low. This moment was trance-like and Bam didn’t want to break it.

“Yes,” His eyes flickered to Bam and he grinned for a moment, “I might not be an irregular, but I did extremely well in the family fights.” He looked back down at the bed. “I understood the family politics better as a child than my mother ever did. And my sister…. my sister was overwhelmingly strong, I think she had the potential to rival Maschenny one day. So, in that way, we kept her safe. We didn’t mind, that’s just who she was. But knives are best against only one opponent and there were too many.  And after I…in the end…she was alone.”

“The knives…You got them from her?”

Khun nodded, “I didn’t want anything to do with spears afterwards.”

“I’m sorry, Khun,” Bam breathed.

“Don’t be. You’re the only person who’s ever actually thought it was worth an apology.” Then Khun twitched, “Actually, Ran did too. I always thought that was funny, he understood better than anyone what I did to the family. I’m the one who should be sorry, and instead,” Khun was smiling, but there was something bitter in the twist of his lips, “instead he just said, forget it all, just climb.” His gaze flickered back to Bam’s face, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to go into so much detail…”

Bam squeezed Khun’s hand tightly, “Please don’t apologize for sharing anything with me. I love—would love to hear anything you want to tell me.” He glanced away from Khun, wishing he had something he could share in return. But he didn’t really have a past, there was nothing except that cave.

“…Bam?” Khun asked.

“Mmm?” Bam responded, a wordless sound of encouragement.

“Would you kill all those people just to keep us, to keep me safe?” Khun looked nervous again.

Probably.

The easy, readiness of that answer scared Bam. And he realized why it frightened Khun. At some point, in the not so distant future, Bam would be able to do something like that—snuff out thousands of lives with one gesture. Just to protect the person who was most precious to him.

This was dangerous. He was beginning to fully understand why Khun had been so nervous about their relationship evolving. What if Khun was captured or injured? A dark part of Bam knew the answer, he would hunt down and kill anyone responsible, anyone who had planned it, anyone remotely involved.

He didn’t want Khun to feel responsible for those lives. But he hadn’t expected Khun to acknowledge so openly that it would upset him. It warmed Bam’s heart in an odd way, Khun liked to portray himself as a cold-blooded manipulator and strategist. And that persona was a true facet of himself, but only one of many. Khun would never sacrifice life needlessly, he certainly pretended that he would though.

“You just told me not to take responsibility for the dead,” Bam said murmured.

“That’s different,” Khun insisted, “And you shouldn’t.”

“So why would my choices be your responsibility?”

“Because I was the choice,” Khun put the empty can of coffee on the nightstand, then drew his knees to his chest. “Six years with FUG didn’t ruin you, didn’t really change the person you are. But I’m afraid that I will, I’ll turn you into a killer.”

Bam had no idea how to turn this around. Khun was right in a way, his facts lined up.  

Then, Bam’s mind twisted to accommodate a new perspective. “I don’t think it makes a difference, Khun,” He shrugged, “Not to the dead. They’re going to die either way. What does it matter if they died because I was protecting you or because I had some place I needed to go?”

“Touché,” Khun gave him a small smile. “Still—I—I feel like I’m more upset about this than you are.”

That gave Bam some guidance, “It isn’t real Khun, it wasn’t a vision of the future. I’m positive.”

Khun did not look convinced. 

“Besides, I’m technically the thorn that’ll slit Jahad’s throat, right? So eventually, I’ll be a killer, one way or another.” Then he looked right at Khun and whispered, “Does that change anything for you?”

“…not really,” Khun said, offering Bam a small smile. “I guess I’m already afraid that you’ll get lost. And if I’m involved…if something happens to me, you might lose it.”

“Shut up, Khun,” Bam said, voice soft and smiling tenderly, “When we get to the top, it’ll be because of you. I would have died before we even got to the floor of tests without you. Without you I might just be an ignition weapon now. I want to live in that garden with you, Khun. I want to spend the rest of my life with you in some peaceful place. I don’t care about stars or crowns, I just want to make a safe place for us—for you.”

That made Khun’s eyes blow wide. He was soft and vulnerable now, making his gaze easier for Bam to read. He watched thoughts fly through Khun’s eyes, as if Khun was actually catching up to him for once.

“Never a dull moment,” Khun mumbled. His body softened, and he let his head fall onto Bam’s shoulder.

“You’re the one who chose an irregular,” Bam gave him a soft, encouraging smile. Khun’s hands were wrapped loosely around his knees. Bam carefully unwound one arm and twined their fingers together.

“But I won’t let that happen, Khun.  His voice was soft and gentle. He needed to draw Khun back to the safe little bubble they’d created in the bedroom.

“See that it doesn’t,” Khun’s voice was low and thick. “I chose you, don’t let me down.”

That made Bam’s heart swell and sent a static tingle through his entire body, down to the tips of his toes.

He understood Khun’s point. But he felt inexplicably high, like he was riding some wave of power or knowledge. Now he knew exactly where he needed to go. But this was the tower, and paths opened and closed. But the vision inspired Bam, it focused his thinking.

Bam had seen paradise. It had been Khun’s face in that garden. He had never realized how much tension Khun carried in his neck, his eyes, hell even in his mouth. If it was within his power, he would make a place where Khun could smile like that—where they could live in peace.

“What time is it?” Bam asked.

That made Khun chuckle, “10:30pm.”

“Good, we have all night,” Bam nuzzled Khun’s neck, making an icy flush rise in Khun’s cheeks.

“Hey Bam? Did you leave your pocket in visible mode?” Khun asked, he nodded towards where Bam’s pocket sat on the dresser.

“Yeah, I guess, I’ll get it later,” Bam murmured, pressing little kisses along Khun’s neck.

Bam wanted to make this night so special that they both could forget, just for a few hours, the war looming before them. He wanted to lose himself in Khun.

He wanted to experience that life he’d seen a glimpse of, in the garden with the bridge over the koi pond. Even if it was just for a few hours, he wanted to share that with Khun.

Bam wrapped one arm around Khun’s shoulders and the light-bearer relaxed against him. Bam curled his fingers around Khun’s waist, slowly, letting his fingers raise little goose bumps on Khun’s skin. Khun released a slow, content breath.  

Then Bam remembered another inconvenient truth they needed to discuss—that fire fish living in Khun’s shinsu. But Khun was finally relaxing into his arms. As Khun snuggled into him, Bam weighed his options. While he needed to ask Khun about the fire-fish, he also, desperately, needed touch Khun.  

Bam exhaled in a frustrated burst, his needs would have to wait. Khun noticed his frustration. Bam’s window to choose was closing. Then he had an idea.

He traced his free hand up Khun’s chest. Khun’s breath hitched. Bam angled himself around Khun, drawing the other boy into the circle of his body. Khun let him, face resting against Bam’s shoulder. Khun exhaled, a pleased, almost feline sound. Then he unfurled his legs, letting them stretch loose on the bed.

They ended up with Bam resting against the headboard, knees drawn under him, and Khun pressed against him. Bam slid his hand from Khun’s waist up to settle at the base of Khun’s neck. Bam wrapped his other arm around Khun’s chest.  

“Khun?” Bam said, voice light and casual.

Khun glanced up at him. He looked very comfortable against Bam’s chest, and for a moment Bam felt guilty about what he was going to do. Bam gathered a fistful of Khun’s hair, twining it about his fingers. Khun gasped and arched into Bam. Then Bam very slowly started tightening his grip, making Khun’s breath hitch. As he pulled tighter, Khun went limp against him.

“Why didn’t you tell me about the fire fish?” Bam’s voice was firm and cool.

Blinking, Khun went scarlet and it reached the tips of his ears. He gasped and stammered, “How—Bam! How did you know about that it?” between hitched breaths because Bam started nipping at his neck.

“I didn’t even know til last night,” Khun’s voice was guileless and breathless. “And you were upset, and then we talked and we’ve been, you know…”

Bam felt a little bad, that made perfect sense. He loosened his grip on Khun’s hair and started to just run his fingers through it. Khun shivered against him.  “That makes sense.”  Bam admittedly, nuzzling his cheek against Khun’s. “Thank you for telling me.”

Khun just blinked up at him, flushed and breathless. He had an idea though. Some plan was growing in his blue eyes.

Bam’s voice was hoarse and hushed, “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“Please keep pulling my hair,” Khun said in an eager rush.

He did. “What else?”

Khun whined and wiggled closer to Bam. “We should probably just fuck,” Khun’s voice held that same needy undercurrent as it had earlier. But he sounded more confident, and a little seductive. “No matter what you do to me, I’m just going to end up begging you to fuck me.”

Bam’s eyes blew wide as he stared down at Khun. He felt his cheeks start heating up. He had sort of expected to have to yank and bite those words out of Khun. He had not expected Khun to just say it. Bam felt like every minute he spent with Khun, he found a new layer of his light-bearer—and it was an intoxicating feeling.

“Yeah,” Bam breathed, feeling too dumb struck to manage anything else.

The light-bearer put his hands on Bam’s shoulders and lifted himself onto Bam’s lap—straddling Bam’s thighs. It brough Khun’s face very close to his. Khun glanced down between their bodies, between Bam’s legs. Then he glanced up at Bam from under his icy lashes, and Khun knew exactly what effect that would have.  

“Is that it? You’re just going to let me have it?” Khun said, blinking innocently up at him.

Bam just said, “Oh my god.” Then a new thought took shape, one he should have considered hours ago. “Khun you’re like really good at sex aren’t you?”

“Yeah.”  

The Bam put his hands on Khun’s waist and gazed at him, looking very concerned, “So you’ve practiced a lot.”

“That’s the only way I get good at things, unlike you,” he gave Bam a daring smirk, “You’re going to be a sex god in like two hours.”

“But—”

Khun kissed Bam and gave him an almost pleading look, “I know we have a million and one things to talk about, but please just stop thinking.” He wrapped his arms around Bam’s neck, pulling himself against Bam’s chest.

Then he kissed Bam harder. Bam opened his mouth and leaned into the kiss. Khun cupped the back of his neck, twining his own fingers through Bam’s hair. Khun was getting a little rough with him, tugging on his hair, pressing his own tongue against Bam’s in a heated rush.

Bam was hard again, cock bobbing against his own stomach and rubbing against Khun’s inner thigh.

Khun gazed into Bam’s eyes and murmured, “So how do you want me?”

“Like this,” Bam the words tumbled from him in a heated rush. His face was hot with need and he kept babbling, “I want to see your face and pull your hair and make you scream,” Bam’s voice dropped into a bass rumble as he hissed in Khun’s ear, “I’m going to make you scream my name, Khun.”

“Yeah,” Khun breathed, staring at Bam like he’d never actually seen him before.

Bam slid his hands from Khun’s waist to cup his ass. He grabbed handfuls of Khun’s ass and yanked him closer, pressing their chests together in a firm line. Then he rolled his hips so that his cock was pressed against the curve of Khun’s ass. That sensation was even stronger now that he wasn’t wearing jeans. Through the thin fabric of their sweatpants, it was so close to skin on skin that it was driving Bam wild. He squeezed Khun’s ass hard and hissed, “where’s the lube?”

He couldn’t imagine how intense it would be when his dick was against Khun’s bare ass—let alone inside him.

Khun’s face was so close that he couldn’t hide his face. He looked startled, blue eyes very wide, pupils—not so much.

“What’s up?” Bam asked, gently tracing his nose against Khun’s cheek.

“Nothing, nothing,” Khun murmured, breath hot against Bam’s mouth. “I just—I’m still—”

Bam (reluctantly) lifted a hand from Khun’s ass to cup his face. He angled Khun’s face to press their foreheads together. Khun’s eyes were downcast, he looked self-conscious. Bam offered him a gentle smile and murmured, “I know. I’ll do my best, just please try to keep talking to me.” Khun’s eyes snapped up to meet his. “Okay, Khun?”

Khun nodded, chin tucked into his chest, and blushing.

Then Bam blushed, “I’ve never done this before,” His gaze flickered between his cock straining against his sweatpants and Khun’s face. “Will this angle work?”

It was incredibly endearing when Khun smiled, because Khun looked just as nervous and excited as Bam felt.

“Not really,” Khun murmured. Bam could hear a hot, needy tone rising in Khun’s voice as he said, “You’d probably have to flip me, but it’d be harder to look at me.”

“And I really need to look at you now, Khun,” Bam’s voice was getting lower and rougher.

Khun nodded. “Then you should probably get me on my back,” He blinked up at Bam, mouth quirking into a smile, “Ready?”

Bam pressed his lips to Khun’s and kissed him in a rush of sheer need. He squeezed Khun’s ass hard and rolled his hips, making Khun whine and squirm against him. Bam simultaneously cupped Khun’s face tenderly as he deepened the kiss, muffling Khun’s moans with his own mouth. Khun was daring Bam to surprise him, startle him, and more.

Having the reserved strategist writhing in his arms, daring Bam to hurt him in ways that would make Khun moan and squirm—this was beyond Bam’s wildest dreams. He still didn’t totally get it, but the way it made Khun twitch and squirm was hot as hell. And if Bam was being honest with himself, he liked it too. He really liked it.

He drew his hand from Khun’s face down to squeeze his waist. And then he lifted Khun bodily, using his grip on Khun’s ass and waist to pick him up and flip him. For a moment, Khun was totally off the mattress. And then he was flat on his back with Bam’s mouth still on his and Bam’s body pinning him.

Bam couldn’t believe he’d pulled it off—flipping Khun onto his back without breaking that kiss. He growled into Khun’s mouth and snapped his hips hard against Khun’s. Then he sucked Khun’s bottom lip into his own mouth before he broke the kiss.

Khun started grinding his hips against Bam’s and making helpless little moans. Bam’s whole body shuddered when he felt Khun’s cock against his. He could feel the shape of it through the thin layer of their sweatpants, feel it twitching against him.

Bam rolled his hips lightly against Khun’s in response. The other boy’s breath hitched as he rubbed himself shameless against Bam.

Bam finally sat up on his knees, gently withdrawing his hands from underneath Khun’s body. He was straddling Khun, arms loose at his sides as he took a moment to try to compose himself. Bam’s breath came in heavy pants, he was so hard, and he needed more. But he had to control himself—he had to make this last.

Khun whined, “Bam, Bam please,” at the loss of contact. He stared openly at Bam, eyes wide and glassy again, like his irises were just little pieces of the sky. He let Bam see the raw need in his eyes, let him see the clouds of anxiety and adoration sliding through his eyes.

Bam felt his eyes snap wide and he exhaled in a sharp, hot breath. Then his mind went blank, as if the gears of his mind had just crumbled in the face of Khun—just being himself.

Bam thought he could actually feel all the circuits of his brain re-wiring to incorporate Khun into every neuron. It lit a fire in Bam, he was going to make Khun his. And if anyone tried to take his light-bearer away—he’d hurt them.

That possessive part of him wanted to etch the feel of his body and his mouth into Khun’s mind. He wanted to look at Khun tomorrow and see perfect, purple imprints of his teeth on Khun’s inner thighs, on his neck; bruises in the shape of his fingertips on Khun’s hips and waist.

Khun twitched and kept making this helpless little noises. He’d tucked his chin against his shoulder and was biting his lower lip—hard. He’d grabbed fistfuls of the sheets with both hands and was tugging on them as he wriggled.

Then Bam realized he’d been too dazzled by Khun and the sounds he was making to remember to take Khun’s clothes off. Bam shimmied down the bed, so that he had the space he needed to pull Khun’s sweatpants off. He grabbed the waist band of the sweatpants, then glanced up at Khun.

Khun wined at the loss of bodily contact but nodded eagerly. A needy, desperate look flickered across Khun’s face—Bam was much closer to Khun’s dick now. Khun eagerly shifted his hips, helping Bam pull the pants down under his ass. Bam sat back on his heels, practically yanking them off Khun’s ankles.

Bam didn’t have much experience, but he was willing to bet that Khun had the prettiest cock in the whole tower. It bobbed up against his stomach, as pale as the rest of him. The blue curls trailing down to Khun’s dick were so pale that Bam hadn’t noticed them earlier—then again, he’d been in a rush. There was a long, thick vein along the bottom of his cock that ran to the tip. Bam wanted to run his tongue along that vein and feel Khun’s cock twitching against his lips. The tip of his cock was already flushed pink and shiny with pre-cum. His balls were drawn tight against his body, he was already close.

For a moment, Bam forgot everything and all he could think was wow.

Then Khun instinctively started to draw his legs up, and Bam sprang into action. He grabbed both Khun’s ankles and pinned them to the bed. He glanced up at Khun and something in his face made Khun gasp his name. “Do you like this, Khun?” Bam asked, not recognizing his own voice through the gravel and the bass undertone.

Khun nodded over and over. Bam gave him a feral grin and stretched his legs wider.

Now that Khun was spread before him, chin tucked against his shoulder. Bam could only see his profile, but one blue eye was fixed on him—it was like Khun’s pupil blew so wide it swallowed the color of his iris. Then Khun tilted his gaze towards Bam, tentatively. His eyes were so dark under his pale lashes, it still fascinated Bam—he knew then that Khun’s subtle gazes would always fascinate him.

Khun was already breathing in short, staccato bursts—Bam couldn’t imagine how he’d sound with Bam’s mouth on his dick.

“Tell me what you want Khun,” Bam breathed. He was sitting on his heels between Khun’s legs. His gaze flickering between Khun’s cock and his face.

“Oh, god, Bam—fuck you know what I want, just do it!” Khun groaned.

Bam crawling forward on his knees, eyes still fixed on Khun’s. Whatever expression he wore, it changed Khun’s tone pretty damn fast.

“Please suck my dick, please, Bam, please!”

That made Bam smile, a heated smirk. He settled his hands on Khun’s hips, squeezing hard, trying to press his fingers into the bone beneath flesh and muscle.

“That’s good Khun,” Bam murmured, lips brushing Khun’s thigh just above the knee. “I like knowing what you want.”

Khun whimpered and his hips twitched in response, “I’ll try Bam, just please keep going.”

Bam traced his lips up Khun’s inner thigh, settling himself more comfortably between Khun’s legs. He ended up with Khun’s dick a few inches from his face. “Try to relax for me Khun.”

Then he sunk his teeth into Khun’s inner thigh, Khun’s dick brushing his cheek.

Khun’s body arched like a boy and he cried out. Bam grinned against Khun’s skin, mouth working against his pale thigh. He could glance upwards and watch Khun’s dick twitch while Bam sucked on his skin. He was so focused on his task that he almost forgot about Khun’s state. Khun was already close, and Bam wanted Khun to come in his mouth. But the need to see his mark on his beloved was overwhelming Bam. The he realized that Khun was talking, spitting out words in rapid-fire desperation.

“Bam! Bam fuck, fuck Bam, please fuck me, please Bam.”

That drew Bam out of his own haze, made him flick his eyes up to Khun’s. The light-bearer had one hand on his face, knuckles between his teeth. He was looking at Bam like he was a supernova or some incandescent thing. It was such a tender expression that Bam drew back from Khun’s thigh and stretched along his body to kiss Khun delicately on the mouth.

As he slid back between Khun’s legs, he flashed a grin at Khun, “Good boy,” He murmured. He’d been teasing, but Khun’s breath hitched and his hips twitched. He moaned, spreading his legs wider for Bam. Apparently Khun had really liked that.

Bam looked at Khun’s dick for a moment, trying to decide where to start. They should have done this backwards. If Khun was sucking his dick and fucking him, odds were good Bam would pick up some new skills. Instead he would be fumbling at Khun’s perfect body.

He glanced up at Khun, suddenly nervous. Khun’s face was soft and vulnerable, and he was still looking at Bam like he was the entire world.

Then Bam wrapped his hand around the base of Khun’s dick and placed his tongue on that thick vein running down the bottom of Khun’s cock. Bam licked it in a long stripe from root to tip.

Khun made a chocked sound and then panted, “Oh my god, Bam.” He had tucked his chin back against his shoulder, biting on his knuckles, panting—all because of Bam.

That thought made something hot and pleased unfurl inside Bam.

Bam decided to tease Khun a little more. He rolled his eyes up to fix his gaze on Khun’s face. Then he licked at the tip of Khun’s dick like it was an ice cream cone. He tasted the little drops of pre-cum there and loved the way Khun whimpered when he did. It tasted fine, almost like salty water, but the texture was much thicker.

He watched Khun’s eyes roll back and as he shivered helplessly. Bam shifted his hand from Khun’s dick to cup his balls—roll them in his hand, squeeze them gently.  He savored every whimper and moan Khun made. He squeezed another drop of cum from the tip of Khun and licked it off.

Then he took the head of Khun’s cock in his mouth.

Khun threw his head back and practically wailed. He couldn’t decide what to do with his hands, for a moment, his grasped at Bam’s hair. Then Khun went back to clutching the bedsheets in his fists. Bam could feel him moving, every time Khun moved he was pushing his cock deeper into Bam’s mouth. Bam tightened his grip on Khun’s hip—trying to keep him from twitching too much.

Bam slid his mouth down Khun’s cock as deeply as he could comfortably. He could figure out deep-throating later. Now he just wanted to drink down Khun’s cum and draw more of those intoxicating moans from his light-bearer.

With as much cock in his mouth, he could handle, Bam started to caress Khun’s dick with his tongue. He bobbed his head as he did. Then he started trying to suck on Khun as he bobbed up and down between Khun’s legs. Khun was writhing beneath him, just gasping “Fuck!” and “Bam!”

Bam pulled back for a moment so he could look at Khun’s face. His eyes were heavy lidded and glazed, mouth wet, little strands of his hair stuck to his parted pink lips. He was staring at Bam like he was the center of Khun’s universe.

Khun looked totally wrecked.

Bam sucked on the head of Khun’s cock for a moment, squeezing his balls as he did. Then he took the rest of Khun in his mouth, as much as he could. Then he sucked and bobbed his head up and down on Khun’s dick.

One of Khun’s hands was tangled in his hair, pulling hard. Bam loved it. He sucked hard and Khun’s back arched off the bed while he moaned and gasped.

Bam pulled his mouth of Khun’s dick to rasp, “You’re so close, Khun,” he licked the tip of Khun again, eyes flickering back to Khun’s face, “Are you going to cum for me?” Then he sucked Khun’s cock down to the root.

Khun gasped and cried, “Oh my fuck—Bam! God, yes, please I wanna, please make me!”

Bam squeezed Khun’s hip even tighter and growled around Khun’s dick. Khun whined and his entire body tensed beneath Bam’s touch. He gave Khun’s balls another squeeze, a little rougher this time. Then he sucked on Khun’s dick as hard as he could while maintaining his rhythm. Khun moaned as his body tensed and relaxed to the rhythm Bam set. He could feel Khun’s orgasm like a growing wave—just about to break.

Khun fucking wailed.

He came in a hot rush and Bam swallowed it down eagerly. Khun tasted good, Bam was starting to really like the way his cum tasted—how warm it was as it spilled in his mouth and down his throat. Bam rolled his eyes up to meet Khun’s as he sucked one more time, swallowing every last drop. Khun shuddered so hard Bam could feel it. Khun’s hand relaxed against his head, twirling bits of Bam’s hair around his fingers. Bam let Khun go and pushed himself onto his knees.

He beamed down at Khun, “How was that?”

Khun looked boneless, like he’d just sink into the mattress in a haze of bliss. “Really good, so good,” Khun breathed, “I mean like, look at me.”

Bam did. Khun was actually spread like a star fish on the bed—it might have been the least graceful Khun had ever looked. But Khun smiled up at him, eyes brimming with a contented happiness that Bam had never seen before.

Khun looked more relaxed than Bam had ever seen him. He let his head loll against a pillow—as if he wasn’t up to sitting upright yet. He was flushed and panting and gorgeous.

“I made you call me God,” Bam snickered.

Khun frowned and it was petulant and cute as hell. He tried to swat at Bam’s chest, but Bam was too far away. Bam laughed.  

This—this was the most powerfully intoxicating thing Bam had ever experienced. He noticed livid bruises already forming on Khun’s hip in the shape of his fingers and saw an imprint of his teeth still on Khun’s thigh—slowly starting to fade into another purplish bruise. That sight made something blaze to life inside Bam. Khun was his.  

Bam wasn’t in a haze of afterglow though, he was still hard as hell and focused on a singular goal. It would be better to make his move while Khun was still blissed out.

Bam fell on top of Khun, bracing his body by slamming his palms into the mattress on either side of Khun’s head—drawing a little squeak from him. Khun was still in the afterglow of his own orgasm and was wonderfully plaint beneath him. Bam nuzzled Khun’s nose with his own and was delighted when Khun giggled and arched into him.

Khun looked so happy right now, it was making Bam feel giddy. He couldn’t believe that someone like him could make Khun happy.

Then a wave of need rushed over Bam and he remembered the goal. It was a cliché, but he’d been lost in Khun’s eyes—not his eyes, but his face. Khun was practically glowing with delight and it was hard to look away. It was hot as hell.

“I’m gonna fuck you now,” Bam announced.

Something about the way he said it made Khun giggle, “very romantic.”

Bam realized in a sudden rush of anxiety that he was still dressed.  He sat up on his knees again and yanked his sweater over his head. He shucked off his sweatpants almost as quickly. And suddenly he on his knees, naked, between Khun’s legs.

“I’ll do my best, Khun, but c’mon I’ve been waiting ten years for this.”

That made something sweet and tender swim across Khun’s eyes, and he smiled again, “good enough.”

Bam grinned in response. He hadn’t gotten answer about lube earlier, but he didn’t see it, so he figured it was in the lighthouse. He called the lighthouse over, when it was near his free hand he reached inside and sort of willed lube to come forward. He thanked whatever God ruled this fucked up tower that it worked. He dropped the bottle on the bed and sent the lighthouse away.  

Khun started to frown, “How’d you do that?”

Bam shrugged, “I can control lighthouses.”

“Not mine, I spent—”

“Khun for the love of God please—”

Khun surged up to kiss him, palms on Bam’s cheeks. Khun pulled away and breathed against Bam’s lips, “just a tip, if you need me to relax just pull my hair or bite me.”

Bam grinned, “No way, really?” He wrapped one hand around the base of Khun’s skull and kissed him. Khun eagerly opened his mouth to Bam, welcomed him inside with the hot press of his tongue. Bam kissed him hard, pressing Khun back into the mattress. He held his weight with one forearm, bracing himself above Khun, then fisted his other hand in Khun’s hair. He didn’t yank it, not yet, just kept a firm pressure on Khun’s skull while he practically sucked on Khun’s tongue. Khun’s arms were around his neck again. Bam nudged Khun’s thighs wider with his knees and settled properly between them.

They were pressed in a long line from shoulder to hip. Bam’s angled his dick to rub between Khun’s legs. He loved the feeling of Khun’s soft cock balls against his own hardness. Bam swallowed Khun’s moans with his kiss. Then he realized that if he didn’t stop, he’d come too soon.

Bam drew his hand from Khun’s hair and tapped the other boy’s shoulder. Khun made a puzzled sound and broke the kiss, head lolling against the mattress. Khun’s hands slid down Bam’s shoulders, fingers tracing his biceps.

“I—um,” Bam felt very self-conscious suddenly, “I haven’t—”

“I know,” Khun whispered, “I’ll tell you how to start.” Then his eyes flashed to Bam’s, “Then, you know, surprise me.”

“I can do that,” Bam breathed.

“Get on your knees,” Khun said, smirking. Bam obeyed him. He knelt between Khun’s spread legs, watching Khun hungrily. Khun wriggled a little under the scrutiny, and said, almost primly, “Now pull my thighs over yours—”

Bam wrapped his hands under Khun’s thighs and yanked him closer. He draped Khun’s thighs over his, spreading Khun open. Bam could see Khun’s cock against his stomach and his balls tight against his body. He dug his fingernails into Khun’s thighs and watched his cock twitch. Khun wriggled and gasped, “lube.”

Bam grabbed it, eagerly awaiting Khun’s next instruction—hoping he knew where Khun was headed.

Khun pulled his knees up towards his chest and let his legs fall open. Bam’s eyes blew wide. He could see the crevice between Khun’s ass and his pink asshole. He shouldn’t have been surprised that it was as pretty as the rest of him—pale and smooth. Bam wanted to surge down, press Khun’s knees to the mattress and just eat him out. But he needed to be inside Khun.  

Bam’s eyes flickered between the lube and Khun’s exposed ass.

“Just do it, Bam,” Khun pleaded. His gaze was averted, eyes heavy lidded and lashes fluttering. He fisted one hand in the sheets and rubbed his forehead with the other one. Bam was paralyzed for a moment by how incredible Khun looked spread open for him.

Then Bam opened the bottle and experimentally gathered a few drops on his fingers. He looked at Khun to gauge his response. Khun nodded, face flushed and hungry. Bam slipped the finger between Khun’s cheeks and traced his finger around Khun’s tight hole, slicking it with the lube. Khun’s back arched and his legs fell open wider

“Tell me what you want,” Bam murmured.

Khun gasped, “Open me up.”

Bam poured a few more drops of the lube against Khun’s ass. He slicked his index finger again and pressed his finger carefully against Khun’s hole. He flipped his wrist, palm up, and pressed the tip of his finger inside Khun.

Khun’s breath hitched while Bam’s breath came in sharp, heated pants. Some primal urge was clouding his mind, Bam had never experienced anything quite like it. He needed to be inside Khun, pin him to the mattress and fuck him until he screamed. He asked, voice low and thick, “Good—”

 “Yes, Bam,” Khun gasped, voice breathy and raw.

Some tone in Khun’s voice snapped something deep inside Bam. It was like a dam breaking, flooding him with that possessive, primal urge to make Khun his. He pressed deeper.

Bam’s gaze flickered from Khun’s face to his ass, watching Khun’s face as he took Bam’s finger to the first knuckle. The light-bearer’s face was a little tense, but his eyes were shining and eager. When Bam kept going, Khun’s breath hitched and Bam saw his cock twitch. It seemed like all the sudden his finger was inside Khun.

Khun still looked a little tense, but his hips were still spread wide and twitching eagerly towards him. Bam flexed his finger delicately, looking for a specific spot inside Khun. He watched Khun’s face, searching for a reaction. Then Khun’s back arched like a bow and he fucking wailed. Bam felt Khun’s body shudder around his finger, and Khun choked back a moan as his hips rocked against Bam.

Khun whined, eyes starting to glaze over with pleasure. His pupils blew wide and he fixed those dark eyes on Bam.

“Khun?”

“Fuck me.”

Hell yes.

Bam removed the finger as carefully as he could, he just wanted to yank it out and replace it with his dick.

He leaned over Khun and planted an arm just beside his shoulder. Bam held his weight on that palm while the light pressure of his chest kept Khun’s legs high and wide.  He kept his arm straight, he needed to see Khun’s face while he pressed inside.

“I’ll go slow,” Bam’s voice was hushed and raw.

“Yeah everyone says that,” Khun managed to thread a little snark into his breathy voice, “and then suddenly you’ve got a whole dick up your ass.”

Bam chocked back a laugh, grinning, but he knew it must have been a feral thing—all glinting teeth and wet lips. “After this,” his voice held feral joy of a victorious hunter, “you’ll never think of anyone else again.”

Khun went scarlet. His gaze flickered, almost shyly, from Bam’s dick to his face. “It’s scary how true that might be.”

“No it isn’t,” Bam drawled, voice a husky growl, “You get to be mine.”

Khun’s breath hitched and he just gazed up at Bam through those long, pale lashes.

Bam took his cock and just poured lube on it. Then he pressed himself against Khun’s opening and very slowly pushed the tip of his cock inside him. Khun cried out, biting down on his knuckle, eyes fixed on Bam.

Bam watched as Khun’s expression blurred, tension draining from his face, leaving it open and vulnerable. Bam could read him so easily now. He shifted his hand from the base of his dick to Khun’s hip.

Then Bam slid a little deeper inside Khun, watching for any hint of genuine pain and not just discomfort. Because Khun did look a little uncomfortable, despite how flushed and breathless he was. But Khun nodded at him and Bam kept going. Little ripples of tension fluttered across Khun’s face.

“Khun,” Bam said breathlessly, he had an idea. “Hold my hand.” Khun just blinked at him while his brain caught up. Then he gingerly untangled his hand from the sheets and drew it close, reaching for Bam’s hand.

Bam snatched Khun’s hand and pressed it to the bed, twining their fingers together. He gave Khun a smile he hoped was reassuring and said, “So I’ll know when it starts feeling good.”

The smile Khun gave him might have been the sweetest, most vulnerable expression he’d ever seen Khun wear. Bam kept pressing in, as slowly as he could, while Khun squeezed his hand tightly.

When Bam was deep inside Khun, he exhaled sharply, trying to control himself. Khun hadn’t loosened his grip. Bam was just staring intently at Khun looking for any change in his expression. If he looked down at his cock, he was a little worried the visual of himself balls deep in Khun might send him over the edge. Khun was so tight and so warm. Bam could feel every little shiver running through Khun’s body. He felt entirely overwhelmed by Khun, by his body shivering around his dick, by his scent, by the weight of Khun’s hot gaze.

 But he needed to move, he was going to lose his mind if he stayed still for another minute.

Bam very gently rolled his hips and Khun gasped.

“Good?”

Khun nodded eagerly.

While he was well studied, none of it helped him decide what to do next. He needed to find Khun’s prostate again and he wasn’t really sure how to angle his dick the way he’d angled his finger. Maybe he could use Shinsu—would that be cheating?

As he thought, furiously, Bam kept gently pressing inside Khun. He didn’t try sliding in and out yet, he just stayed buried to the hilt and tried to find that spot with gentle rolls of his hips.

Khun moaned and his grip on Bam's hand loosened as he relaxed into Bam.

Bam’s face broke into a heated grin, “Got it?”

The light-bearer nodded. Khun’s entire body shuddered, drawing Bam deeper. Bam dimly felt his cock brush something. He was so wildly overstimulated that it was hard to notice something so small. Khun felt even tighter around his cock, even warmer. And Khun was making desperate little gasps and whines—every sound Khun made was driving him closer to the edge. As Bam tried to sort through the sensations, he realized Khun was saying something.

“Please Bam, please move, I wanna feel you—”

Bam started to thrust in earnest, feeling his cock sliding in and out of Khun. He avoided that sensitive bundle of nerves for a bit, he’d build back up to that. For now, he just marveled at how amazing it felt being inside Khun.

“Anything, I’ll do anything for you Khun,” Bam rasped, “Tell me what you want.”

Khun’s pale hair was a tangled mess, bangs framing his eyes instead of hiding them. They were heavy lidded, glazed over and shining with pleasure.

That sight made Bam groan and thrust harder and deeper than he’d meant to. Khun’s entire body arched off the bed and he screamed, “Bam!”

Bam thought he’d hurt Khun and froze for a moment, watching the other man with wide eyes. Instead Khun hooked his ankles behind Bam’s back and started rocking against Bam’s cock, desperate for more of it. That felt so incredible that Bam stayed still, watching Khun fall apart on his dick.  

“Fuck, Bam, c’mon, please—” then his voice broke into another scream when Bam hit his prostate again.

Khun’s legs slipped and as they fell Bam surged forward. He leaned over Khun, bracing himself with his forearm against the bed. The motion brought his face inches above Khun’s, dark bangs brushing Khun’s pale forehead. Bam could see little droplets of sweat on his temples. Khun grabbed Bam’s shoulders and moaned, “Please, more, Bam, please don’t stop.”

Bam thrust deeply into Khun and watched his light-bearer twitch and whine and gasp. Khun’s eyes were squeezed shut as he took every thrust. This was intoxicating, he would never stop, never give this up—he hadn’t understood how deeply this was binding them. His entire body felt like one raw nerve that Khun was teasing with every sound he made, every shudder of his body.

“Look at me Khun,” Bam whispered. Khun was hard again, Bam could feel the light-bearer’s erection pressed between them.

Khun opened his eyes and his breath hitched, as if just seeing Bam above him and feeling him inside was overwhelming. He started to buck his hips against Bam, eager for more.

“Tell me what you want.”

“Harder Bam,” Khun whined, “Please—” His voice broke when Bam snapped his hips.

Bam could do harder. He pulled himself nearly out of Khun and then slid back inside, rolling his hips. Bam did it again, this time he thrust inside harder. Khun kept making eager, needy sounds for Bam when he pulled out and throaty wails when he slammed inside.

 He kept going, building a rhythm while he stared at Khun like the light-bearer was his entire universe. The sound of his balls slapping against Khun with every thrust was making Bam feel almost dizzy.

Khun whispered, lips brushing Bam’s ear, “You’re so close—” he moaned, “I can feel it, Bam.”

“God you're so fucking hot Khun—you’re gorgeous.” Bam mumbled, he couldn’t control himself, there weren’t words to describe how it felt to be inside this incredible man, the knowledge that with every thrust he was making Khun his.  

“Fuck! God, Bam, bite me?”

“Anything, baby,” Bam growled. He dipped his head to put his mouth at the base of Khun’s neck. He bit down hard, harder than he meant to, without breaking the rhythm of his hips. Khun screamed, fingernails digging into Bam’s shoulders. The sound drove Bam wild, he started to thrust harder, snapping his hips to hit the bundle of nerves that would make Khun wail.

“Bam, Bam, Bam,” Khun was gasping his name over and over—totally overwhelmed by sensation.

Bam was so far beyond overwhelmed that his mind switched off and something more primal switched on. He growled against Khun’s skin and sank his teeth into Khun’s neck. He was slamming Khun into the mattress and Khun was egging him on with whines and gasps. Bam was too far gone.

He snapped his hips against Khun while his teeth worked against Khun’s skin.

Bam came, screaming into the hollow of Khun’s throat. His hips twitched as he emptied himself in Khun. The force of his orgasm staggered him and left him limp on top of Khun.

The light-bearer was murmuring something softly against Bam’s head as his fingers ran through Bam’s hair. His hair was loose now, he had no idea where the hair tie had gone. Khun probably had a spare one. Then he remembered that he was probably crushing Khun and rolled off him.

Bam felt boneless, he rolled onto his side and Khun turned with him, so that their limbs were still tangled between them. Bam had the presence of mind to twin his fingers into Khun’s. Khun smiled at him, pleased, a little shy, and hopelessly in love.

Bam could fucking see it.

Now that he knew what he was looking for, he saw it everywhere: in the way Khun arched his body closer to Bam’s, the way his fingers trailed against Bam’s skin, the way his shining eyes were reluctant to leave Bam’s. He could feel the shinsu actually tightening between them, as if it were growing denser, creating some indelible string between them.

Bam propped himself up on one elbow and stretched towards Khun to kiss him. Khun eagerly opened his mouth, deepening the kiss, tangling their tongues together. When Khun pulled back, it was to say, “You’re incredible.”

That made Bam grin, “Good?”

“Yeah Bam, you’re amazing,” He was still smiling at Bam. Bam noticed that there was cum drying across Khun’s stomach.

“Holy shit, did I make you come again?”

Khun nodded, grinning.

“I really am a god, huh?”

The light-bearer shoved his shoulder gently, “stop it, Bam,” but he was still smiling.

Bam couldn’t stop smiling, he’d never felt such a rush of joy and pleasure. The high he was riding paled in comparison to any thrill of power or victory he’d ever felt. It was almost like his life up to this point had been a dream and he was finally awake.

Khun propped himself up against the headboard, wincing slightly.

“Are you alright?” Bam asked as soon as he noticed.

“Just sore, it’s fine,” he said, tugging on Bam’s hand, inviting him closer. Bam was still a little shaky, so he shifted on the bed to rest his head on Khun’s thigh. He stared up at Khun while the light-bearer ran his fingers through Bam’s hair.

“You really are just…incredible, Khun,” Bam murmured. Khun was still flushed pink and there was a fine sheen of sweat across his chest. Then Bam laughed, “I can’t believe that—I mean…I can’t believe you want to be mine.”

That made Khun’s lips quirk into a pleased smirk, “All yours.”

Bam resisted the urge to just say, ‘wow.’ Instead he found himself asking, a little shyly, “Was I really okay?”

Khun bent to kiss his forehead. His face softened and his voice was very tender when he murmured, “You sort of blew my mind.”

Bam’s face broke into a wide grin. He would have been happy to lay in Khun’s lap all night. The feel of Khun’s cool fingers against his scalp was incredibly soothing, it also made Bam realize how tired he was. And hungry. Idly, he asked, “Are you hungry?”

Khun laughed, “Yeah, a little.”

“How does a shower sound? Then I’ll grab us some dinner.”

The light-bearer nodded and said, “I just need a minute,” flashing Bam a bright smile.

Bam grinned back and slipped into the bathroom.

Khun’s smile faded. When he heard the water come one, his eyes flickered to Bam’s pocket.

There was a small burst of static, though no call came in. Khun’s eyes narrowed.

“…Jyu—Jyu Viole Grace?” A surprisingly embarrassed voice came through the pocket.

“I’m sorry, Lord Karaka,” Khun didn’t sound it. He started to examine his fingernails, “He’s in the shower right now—”

“I—I see, I’ll just—”

“Spit it out,” Khun drawled.

“What?”

“Drop it. I know you’ve bugged Viole’s pocket. I noticed earlier while I was checking the room for listening devices. Since you waited until Viole was in the shower, I assume you wanted to speak to me. Well? What do you want.”  

Chapter Text

“…Jyu—Jyu Viole Grace?” A surprisingly embarrassed voice came through the pocket.

“I’m sorry, Lord Karaka,” Khun didn’t sound it. He started to examine his fingernails, “He’s in the shower right now—”

“I—I see, I’ll just—”

“Spit it out,” Khun drawled.

“What?”

“Drop it. I know you’ve bugged Viole’s pocket. I noticed earlier while I was checking the room for bugs. Since you waited until Viole was in the shower, I assume you wanted to speak to me. Well? What do you want.”  

I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

Karaka made a disgruntled sound, “How did you know it was me?”

“Guess.” Khun’s voice was very sarcastic and very smug. “I wasn’t completely sure whose bug it was, but you were my first choice.”  

“…you didn’t try to remove it?” Karaka sounded positively suspicious.

Khun rolled his eyes, “I didn’t bother,” he said, “I’d rather not be electrocuted by the emergency protocols you added. And I assume there are deeper protocols that won’t show on my lighthouse.”

“I see,” Karaka muttered, gathering what dignity he could considering the circumstances. “I wanted to make sure you’re aware of the…delicacy of the situation.”

“which one?”

“Concerning Viole,” there some begrudging courtesy in his voice, “I understand emotions run high at times like these—”

Khun actually laughed, “is this you warning me not to break Viole’s heart?”

“If something were to happen to you…the situation—”  

“Don’t,” Khun said in a cool, sharp voice, “presume to understand the situation better than I do.”

They sat in silence, the sound of the shower running in the distance.

“How much were you listening to—”

“I wasn’t!”

Khun waited in silence.

“Well, I wasn’t actively listening to…everything. I just installed it out of habit—”

“How much did you hear?” Khun sounded a little less patient.

“…enough,” Karaka sounded uncomfortable, “I apologize for intruding, but I felt it was necessary.”

“…Right,” Khun didn’t sound convinced, but he did sound like he was enjoying Karaka’s discomfort. “What were you ‘actively’ listening to?”  

Karaka made a disgruntled sound then sighed, “The paths, I wasn’t really listening until I heard him talk about what he saw. I took time to research and…turned the sound off.”

“How thoughtful of you.” Khun examined his fingernails and said, voice as sharp as one of his blades, “It’s my mistake…I didn’t assume it was a live feed. Did you know Viole thinks it only monitors calls?”

“…yes.”

“So I can assume your discretion regarding anything personal you overheard. I’d like to remind you that Viole would be furious.”

“Is that a threat?”

“Oh yes,” Khun said casually, “If I find that you’ve shared anything about me or Bam, I will wreck you. It might not be tomorrow or the next day, but I will come for you. And I will never stop hunting you.” Khun’s voice brimmed with malice, even as he mimicked a thoughtful tone, “I can’t imagine what Viole will be able to do in another ten years, can you?”

“...no,” Karaka admitted.

“I’ve noticed that ring you wear. Did you know it has a twin?”

“You are the most insolent regular—”

“I get that a lot,” Khun said, wearing a wide smirk. “I might be a discarded son, but I do have contacts in the Khun family. I can’t imagine you’d want that ring to garner any more attention.”

“I understand,” Karaka ground out between what sounded like clenched teeth. “You’re lucky we’re having this conversation at a distance.”

“Yes, I am, but it does level the playing field a bit,” Khun’s said lightly, his voice dropped and he practically snarled, “Now what was so fucking important that you needed to invade our privacy?”

Karaka waited a moment, as if gathering his thoughts.

“Do you think he saw the future?” Karaka’s tone shifted. It was a little softer now, blatantly curious, and he sounded genuinely sincere.

Khun groaned, as if that were the least interesting thing Karaka could have possibly said. He muttered in a tight, furious voice, “You sound like you hope he did.”

“If Viole could—”

“Kill thousands in one shot?” Khun scowled, “That’s what you hope?”

“It would be a silver lining to the current situation. I had hoped that you would sleep for a little longer. Viole was going to act on his feelings regardless, but I hoped it would be during a safer time—when he would be powerful enough to protect you…when we weren’t about to start a war.”

“I did try to talk him out of it,” Khun shrugged, his voice was more relaxed now, as if he were a little relieved by Karaka’s babbling about Viole’s feelings.

“I know, that’s why we’re having this conversation. If you’re…hurt, Viole might become…unstable. So, your life becomes my burden too.”

“My, that’s thoughtful of you.” Khun breathed, “You really are fond of Viole.”

“It just means that I’m concerned about what he might do if something threatened you.”

Khun laughed, but it was a choked, hard sound. “Concerned? I’m afraid of what he might be capable of. You are too. But now, you’re curious.” He sighed, “You’re curious what love will draw out of him.”

“My master put his faith in Viole. And Viole has always lived up to that faith…” Karaka coughed, then said in a quiet rush, “Yes, I am curious. Curious enough to—”

“Give me your blessing?” Khun scoffed. “Love should be something wonderful. Instead it’ll make him a monster.”

“He isn’t bound by the tower’s paths like the rest of us.” Karaka said, voice oddly soft, “He’ll become whatever he wants to be.”

“I hope you understand why I don’t find that comforting.” Khun sighed and took in a deep breath. “But I appreciate the assistance you’ve given him,” he murmured, voice unhappy, but genuine. “Have you heard of anyone seeing paths like that?”

“I’ve never heard anything like that,” then embarrassment flooded his voice, “The paths, I mean. I’ve never heard anyone except a guide talk about paths the way he did.”  

“There’s a living ignition weapon in the tower, the workshop created it…it creates artificial paths, confuses guides. It’s called Emily, it’s dangerous. That might be connected, maybe the tower is trying to correct some imbalance. Or maybe it’s just something irregulars experience. I’d appreciate any information you can find.”

“I will…It’s the least I can do after…intruding.” Karaka’s voice sounded very distant, like he was deep in thought, “I…I’ve spent my entire life being hunted. There hasn’t been room for hope…”

“…So you were listening to us earlier too,” Khun voice dripped with sarcasm.  

“I was listening to him. He’s…very compelling…” Karaka sounded embarrassed again. He coughed, clearing his throat, then said in a much cooler voice, “and he is the only advantage we have.”

Khun smirked, “No one has ever seen a regular like him.”

“Precisely.”

Khun’s voice shifted, tone all business, “My lighthouse can’t really pick up the recording protocols, so I can’t break them. But now I can tell that there’s something receiving transmissions. I just set up a binary switch. Going forward I’ll be notified if you’re actively listening.”

“Could you...not share this conversation with Viole?” Karaka said, sounding legitimately concerned.

“I didn’t intend to.”

“Then I’ll leave you. I’m sure my master would wish you both well, and he’d be pleased that Viole has found some…happiness.”

“…thanks, I guess.” Khun’s voice was inscrutable, but small and somewhat concerned. He got up from the bed, leaving the pocket on the nightstand.

When he slid open the door to the bathroom, Bam called, “Khun, what took you so long?”

“Oh, just a message from Ran.”

“Get in here! I’ve been waiting to wash your hair, and you can’t say no, I’ve been wanting to do it for like six years!”

Khun’s face broke into a tender grin and he said, voice brimming with fondness, “I’m starting to think I can’t actually say no to you.”

It felt very early in the morning when something woke them up.

“Turtles!” Rak shouted, banging on the door with what sounded like his fist. “Wake up! You made me eat dinner with that snake turtle and the robot turtle and they are weird and I did not like it!”

Khun groaned and buried his face deeper into his pillow, “Bam,” Khun whined, drawing out his name. “Will you please tell him to?”

Bam rubbed his eyes, “Yeah, go back to sleep Khun.” Khun flashed him a sleepy grin and the mischievous joy in his eyes made Bam smile back. He slipped out of bed, throwing on Khun’s t-shirt to cover his bare chest. He pressed a swift kiss to the crown of his light-bearer’s head and padded towards the door.

“Hi Rak,” Bam grumbled.

“Black turtle—!”

“Shush,” Bam hissed. He glanced back at Khun. He didn’t trust Rak to keep his voice down. So, he slid the door closed and stepped into the hallway, “Why are you up so early?”

“What—why are you asleep?”

“We aren’t getting to the floating ship until this evening, we agreed to sleep in—Khun said he messaged you last night.”

Rak made a very disgruntled sound, “He did not. Sneaky turtle. And why are you sleeping together without me? I’m the leader here!”

Bam sighed and rubbed his temple with the palm of his hand. He so did not want to have this conversation with Rak, especially not after so little sleep. “I know, Rak-sama,” that got a grin out of the alligator (or whatever he was, Bam had no idea what species Rak actually belonged to, but he’d moved past it). “Um, I guess Khun’s message didn’t go through. We’ll have lunch in a few hours and go over everything.”

“You dodged my question, Black turtle.”

“Uh…so you know about dating right—human dating?”

Rak’s eyes widened and he boomed, “Did you finally confess to blue turtle?!”

“Wait, what?”

“Rak reads Clamp,” the gator admitted, “The Blue turtle never does anything unless he knows what the outcome will be,” Rak said in a hurry, steering the conversation away from himself. Then Rak’s eyes lit up, “Wolf-turtle owes me 200 points.”

“Goddamn it, you knew he liked me? And you had a bet going!?”

Rak was just laughing now, “Go back to sleep, Black Turtle—I’m sure you had a long night.”

Bam quirked an eyebrow, looking distinctly unamused.

The gator actually pointed at him, “You already look like Blue Turtle!”

“Good night Rak,” Bam said in a deadpan, sliding the door to his room open.

Rak surprised him by hugging him tightly and whispering, “Are you happy Black Turtle?”

“Very,” Bam said, leaning down to hug Rak in return. He couldn’t keep himself from grinning, “I feel like my heart is going to burst,” He confessed. When Rak pulled back, Bam told him, “I must be the luckiest man in the tower, to have a leader like you.”

The gator looked a little flustered, but proud, “I’ll see you turtles later.”

Bam nodded and closed the door, still grinning. He headed straight back to bed. Khun had stolen on of his pillows and was curled (very cutely) around it. Bam quietly slipped back under the covers and curled his body around Khun’s—tugging him close.

Khun woke up a little, blinked sleepily at him, “How’d that go?”

Bam couldn’t help grinning, “Rak reads Clamp.” And that made Khun giggle too.

When they woke up, it was 2pm and Bam felt fan-fucking-tastic. This was his first morning waking up to Khun. Well, waking up as more than friends—was Khun his boyfriend? That sounded so immature, but he wasn’t really sold on the title of ‘lover.’ And he wasn’t aware of anything else except husband. He was extremely thankful he didn’t have anything resembling a ring on hand or else he might have done something embarrassing. Khun was just so cute in the mornings.

After the alarm had gone off, he’d yanked the covers over his head and practically growled. It usually took Khun a solid hour to wake up, and he seemed to loathe every second of it. It was one of the reasons he would just stay up all night or nap instead of getting a full eight hours. Bam cheerfully got a can of coffee from the lighthouse and set it on the nightstand beside Khun—wishing he could either procure hot coffee or turn a light house into a mini-fridge. Then he had an idea.

“Khun!” He gasped, “Khun I have an idea!”

“Good god,” Khun grumbled, he peered out from under the blankets and growled something that sounded like, “What?”

“Freeze me! Just try the ice shinsu on me.”

Another adorable thing about morning-Khun is that he didn’t think anything through, he just reacted. Once Rak had gotten his signature on a piece of paper that turned out to be a notarized declaration that Rak was the team leader. Apparently Paracule was also a notary.

Khun stretched one arm out from his cocoon of blankets and grabbed Bam’s forearm. It was mild, Khun didn’t freeze him solid, Bam just noticed frost creep up his arm. The arm was withdrawn with a wordless grunt. Bam hoped it would work with that small touch of Khun’s Shinsu.

He touched the can with one finger and focused on how Khun’s Shinsu felt in contrast to his own; what differentiated it from the ambient Shinsu around them. He felt it, like a new circuit inside his body had been ignited—and he knew exactly how to create that Shinsu. Bam let frost flow from his fingertip to snake around the can. He popped the tab open and heard Khun rustle in the blankets, like a curious woodland creature. Bam took a sip and beamed, it was perfectly cold.

“Khuuuun,” he crooned, “There’s iced coffee for you on the nightstand. As many cans as you want.”

He peeked through his blankets and blinked owlishly up at Bam, “Iced?” His hair looked like a bird nest, a shining, blue bird nest.

Bam grinned and kissed Khun on the forehead. “Stick with me baby and all your drinks will be iced.”

“You have like no game,” Khun mumbled, voice thick with sleep and looking sort of dazed. But his entire head had emerged from the nest he’d made of their blankets so he could gaze adoringly up at Bam, “except being …really good at sex. And you’re pretty. And this is so cool.” He reached out to grab the can and took a delighted sip. “You’re so incredible,” Khun murmured, “So much game.”

That made Bam laugh and kiss Khun on the forehead. He froze another can of coffee and left it on the nightstand for Khun, then went to take a quick shower. He needed another one and he was enjoying the hell out of a decently sized shower. When he returned Khun was working on his light house, sipping on a third can of coffee.

“Did you freeze it?” Bam asked, voice bright with excitement.

Khun gave him a sheepish smile, “Yeah, I don’t know how I didn’t think of that.”

Bam shrugged, “Daddy issues.” Khun threw an empty can of coffee at him. Bam settled into bed beside Khun, just wearing a towel. “Go brush your teeth so I give you a real kiss.”

That made Khun smile at him, gaze lingering along his chest and shoulders. “Fine, but just one kiss,” Khun didn’t look particularly happy about that as he said it, “We need to make sure we have some kind of plan before we talk to Su-Oh. We’ll need a guide to get into the nest.”

Bam took a deep breath and asked, “We’re really doing this?”

Khun grinned at him, “Think about it, if we make a real stand against Jahad’s Army—They’ll come in expecting an easy sweep. But if we can rescue Jinsung, if we pull it off, we have everything to gain.” As he disappeared into the bathroom, he called over his shoulder, “and you’re the ace up my sleeve.”

“Terrible pick up line,” Bam murmured fondly. He heard the shower turn on, figures, if he couldn’t resist a perfect shower than Khun definitely wouldn’t. He figured he might as well get dressed, it seemed like they were firmly back in reality. That thought seemed to drain some of the giddy joy from his mind. Maybe it was for the best, they probably shouldn’t be walking around holding hands and staring blissfully at each other. He hadn’t admitted it to Khun yesterday, but of course he’d been right—if it got out that Jyu Viole Grace had a boyfriend…Khun would absolutely be a target.

He relaxed against the headboard, grabbed a can of coffee, and browsed the net from Khun’s lighthouse. Photos of the wall of peaceful coexistence being blown to pieces were everywhere. There were even pictures of him—thank god Khun wasn’t identifiable in any of them, all the focus was on him. He rubbed a hand against his temple, this was a disaster. Or maybe it was inevitable. He wished he’d told Khun sooner, now they’d end up being a cliché—falling in love right before a war.

Khun emerged from the bathroom, a towel riding low on his hips while he ran a comb through his hair. “You look like you saw it,” he commented.

“The whole tower is talking about what happened,” Bam said, then glanced up at Khun. And he couldn’t pull his gaze away. He realized he was staring unabashedly at Khun’s pale body.

His eyes went wide when he saw a line of livid bruises blossoming up Khun’s neck and scattered across his shoulders. Then he noticed the bruises lower on Khun’s body—Bam could only see the crest of his hip bones above the towel. But there were pale purple marks shaped like his fingers on Khun’s hips. His gaze flickered to Khun’s wrists and he saw the same bruises circling them.

Bam wasn’t sure whether he should be turned on or apologize. Maybe both? “Khun,” He breathed, eyes roaming over Khun’s body—then he remembered how he’d bit Khun’s thighs, there would be more bite marks and bruises. “I’m sorry, I—did I hurt you?”

He had crossed the room to Khun without realizing it. He took the comb from Khun’s hand and let it fall to the floor so he could hold both of Khun’s hands.

“What?” Khun blinked at him, “What are you talking about?”

Bam’s eyes widened, “The bruises, Khun, I didn’t mean to…” Well, in the moment he had certainly meant to.

“Oh,” the light-bearer shrugged, “We had sex, that’s what happens. I’ve got concealer for them.”

“What, uh, what do you mean? Do you always have them, after you, you know, have sex…with people?” Bam stammered. He had fallen headfirst over a cliff he hadn’t meant to even get near.

He knew that Khun had been with other people before him. Maybe he was a little jealous, although he wasn’t sure why, it was perfectly normal. But it got him thinking and he worried that maybe he didn’t measure up. Maybe he hadn’t done enough?

Khun gazed at him, looking a little puzzled. Something on Bam’s face made Khun’s expression soften and his eyes lit up, as if he understood what Bam was trying to say. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up…old things. I just meant it’s fine—I asked you to bite me, remember?”

Bam would never forget. “Yeah, I just…did I do enough?”

The light-bearer’s face broken into a gentle grin, “Yes—you,” He stumbled over his words, “I never want anything but you again.”

“Me neither,” Bam murmured, kissing Khun gently.

“I thought you were dead,” Khun whispered. “And I tried to cope. If I knew you were—”

Bam wrapped his arms around Khun and pulled him close, nuzzling the hollow of his throat. “Khun,” he breathed, “I’m so sorry it took me so long to get back to you.”

“You found a way back,” Khun said, voice sure and confident. That tone made Bam feel much easier, much more secure. “That’s all that matters.”

“It won’t happen again,” Bam murmured.

“No, it won’t,” Khun murmured, gazing up at him though his pale lashes. His face softened into a sheepish, tender smile.

“So, I really like seeing those bruises,” Bam confessed, he felt a little embarrassed by it, “Is that okay?”

Khun’s pupils blew wide and he nodded, “Yeah.”

“It makes me feel like you’re mine,” He was surprised by the heat in his own voice. But it made Khun’s breath hitch.

Then, Khun cocked a hip, and said with a smirk, “You look nice, I like that shirt,” eyeing Bam like a cat eyes a canary.

“You’re just into the little ties on it,” Bam teased him with an answering smile.

And Khun went scarlet. Bam blinked and before he could take another breath all he could imagine was Khun, arms stretched above his head, wrists bound, and legs spread.

Bam cradled Khun’s head and kissed him. Khun made an eager sound and grabbed Bam’s shoulders, fingers lingering over the muscles of his biceps. Bam smirked and pulled away for a moment. He gathered Khun’s hands and pinned them high against the wall in a heartbeat. Khun moaned and the hot, needy tone only spurred Bam on. He pressed Khun against the wall with his body, snapping his hips against Khun’s to make him gasp.

“Bam,” Khun whined, voice high and breathless.  He wiggled between Bam and the wall, cock hard and pressed against Bam’s stomach.  

“Why didn’t you tell me you like being tied up?” Bam murmured, voice low and husky.

Khun still managed to look petulant while his cock twitched against Bam’s stomach. “What, was I supposed to disclose all my weird sex shit immediately?” Then he sighed, “Oh my god—I did already didn’t I?”

“There’s nothing weird about it, Khun,” Bam frowned and he felt like he’d poked something that he shouldn’t have and didn’t fully understand why. His grip on Khun’s hands loosened and he asked, “Why would you think that?”  

The light-bearer shrugged, “It’s just…I don’t know,” he murmured, eyes downcast, “I didn’t have anyone to…talk to about it when I was younger. And then…” Khun met Bam’s eyes and said very boldly, “I’ve never been in a relationship before,” then he blushed and admitted, “I just, uh, sort of…fucked around.”

There was something sort of hot about the way Khun said that. But Bam couldn’t help the little spark of jealousy flaring in his gut. Then again, Khun could have had anyone in the tower, and he wanted Bam. And hearing Khun say the word ‘relationship’ out loud made everything feel more real. This could be his forever. His grinned and said, voice low with a teasing edge, “So we’re in a relationship?”

That made Khun smile shyly and wriggled free from Bam’s grasp so he could drape his arms around Bam’s neck. Khun laughed, “That should be obvious.” He hugged Bam tightly, “I’m sorry,” Khun whispered into his neck.

“You don’t ever need to apologize to me, Khun, not about yourself. And you have nothing to feel guilty about,” Bam murmured, “Nothing,” He had one arm wrapped around Khun’s waist and the other around his shoulders. He threaded his fingers through Khun’s hair and ran his fingernails lightly down Khun’s scalp. “I want to know everything about you,” he laughed, “I’ve known you for ten years and now it’s like doing it all over again.”

Khun pulled away so he could blink up at Bam, “I know,” he said sheepishly. “I feel the same way, it’s…god, it’s fun...a little scary. You make me feel...safe, I guess. It makes it easier to talk,” he admitted, face was soft and open. He practically glowed at Bam.

“Hey,” Bam’s tone shifted, voice gentle and sweet. Khun gazed at him, eyes wide and cheeks pink, “after we get Jinsung, we’re going on a vacation. I think we deserve it.”

The light-bearer’s eyes lit up and he gave Bam a fierce grin, “Yes.”

That smile made Bam feel like he could take on Jahad’s armies all by himself.

He pressed his forehead to Khun’s and whispered, “I can’t wait to be safe with our friends. Hopefully we’ll have tonight though.”

Khun hummed in agreement, eyes closed and mouth twitching into a smile. Bam was in awe—He was not used to an emotionally open Khun. He really hoped this was permanent. Then his mind caught up and he leaned forward again to press a gentle kiss on Khun’s forehead. “You’re perfect Khun,” Then he blushed and rubbed the back of his neck, “Sorry, it’s just…well, you really do drive me crazy.”

Khun’s gaze flickered to meet his. He smirked and cocked his head so that he could look up at Bam through a fringe of pale lashes. Khun bit his lower lip, hard, chewing on it while he wore that mischievous smirk. Then he said, voice teasing and tender at the same time, “I know the feeling.”

Then he slipped back into the bathroom and Bam heard the hair dryer turn on.

“God damn,” Bam breathed. He might have been the luckiest man in the tower. He absolutely had to get into the nest and get Jinsung out. He needed that vacation—He needed at least two weeks of Khun, just Khun. It was like he was getting to know a different facet of Khun every moment they spent together. And every new moment just made him adore Khun more, understand him on a deeper level. It was intense and intoxicating.

His heart felt too big for his chest, it was almost as if it lived outside his body now. “Oh shit,” he muttered. He had to get it together.  

To say their meeting with Su-Oh did not go well was a gross understatement.

 After the little guide finished her tirade, the room went very silent and deathly still. The tension was way past palpable—he was a little worried Khun would pull a knife from god knows where and launch himself at the guide.

Bam felt White’s eyes slide to him, it was a curious, measuring gaze. Bam ignored it. He did not feel like playing chicken with another slayer. He didn’t feel like doing anything except leaving this room right now. He felt…wounded.

“Ignore her Bam,” Khun snapped, “Rak will you escort Bam out.”

Rak shot So-Oh a look so scathing that the guide actually twitched a little. Then he grabbed Bam’s arm and started to pull him out of the room. Bam let him, he felt a little sick and a little shocked. So-Oh had basically verbalized his own fears and spat them back into his face. He tried to push her words out of his skull, but it was difficult—the little guide had struck a nerve.

Khun whirled to face the little redhead.

“If you ever speak to Bam like that again, I’ll slam you down so fast your head will spin.” Khun’s voice was low and dangerous. When Bam was out of earshot he hissed, “You lost your chance to kill him,” then he smiled, a fierce baring of teeth, “Besides, I’m not even sure you can anymore. So, you’d better play nice and show your God some respect.”

His gaze snapped to White, “And you stop smirking!”

Then he swept out of the room like a tidy storm to follow Bam and Rak.

“Khun that was mean,” Bam said, voice a little distant. He was trying very hard to ignore what she’d said. “What did you whisper to her?”

“Basically to fuck off.”

Bam just nodded in agreement. “Do you think she’s going to try to kill me?”

“No. She’s just bitching because FUG lost control of you,” Khun’s voice was gentle and reassuring, but his face was just a mask of tension. “Anyway, now that we know where to go, once things are taken care of with the cage…We’ll find a way to get to the nest.”

Bam knew that Khun was trying to reassure him, to draw his attention from the guide’s words. And Bam was trying, he understood that the oldest factions of FUG were not happy about his actions, especially now that he had drawn so much attention to them. She had been trying to hurt him and had succeeded. “…Okay,” Bam murmured.

“A base like that doesn’t even show up on my lighthouse,” Khun’s voice slipped into a calmer tone—Bam knew that tone well and hearing it was a comfort. Khun was just thinking out loud at this point.

Khun reached between them to take Bam’s hand and twine their fingers together. The gesture made Bam smile at him. Bam knew it wasn’t a great smile, he probably looked shaky and anxious.

“I hate to admit it,” the light-bearer murmured, “but at times like this we could really use her help…Hwaryun, I mean…”

Bam felt ridiculous for saying it, but it was true, “I need to sit down.” He couldn’t help but keep his eyes downcast, he felt weak.  And he was embarrassed by that weakness.

“Of course,” Khun said, “Let’s go to our room for now.”

There was a piece of paper on the nightstand that hadn’t been there when they’d left. Bam crossed the room to it, expecting some terrible news to be written on it.

Instead someone had sketched out a bouquet of flowers in a vase. It was a simple drawing, drawn with black ink and shaded with pencil. There were at least four different types of flowers in the simple vase—the artist’s attention had been on the flowers—chrysanthemums, sunflowers, tulips, irises, little flowers that remind him of lace. He knew Hockney had drawn it for them.

There was a note on the bottom of the page that read: I’m sorry we couldn’t get you the real thing, but congratulations. It was Shibisu’s handwriting.

And below that was another line, in different handwriting: You deserve to be happy too, Viole. That was Elaine’s.

The sweetness of that gesture startled him out of his thoughts. He really did have good friends. He’d expected a note saying, ‘fuck you for leading us to our deaths,’ or something. And instead he got something like this. His eyes were watering and he had to hold back actual tears. They wouldn’t want him to cry.

He felt Khun behind him “What is it?” Khun glanced over Bam’s shoulder and scanned the page. “Oh,” Khun sounded a little taken aback. Then he muttered, voice a little hoarse, “What’re we engaged or something?”

That attempt at levity made Bam smile. “Sort of sounds like you wouldn’t mind?” He placed the piece of paper gently back on the nightstand and watched Khun sit on the edge of the bed—noticed that his blue eyes widened.

Khun spoke volumes through subtext. Bam had known that for years, but he was gaining a whole new understanding of it. He almost felt like he was learning a new language. He smiled at Khun, and Khun blushed a little and smiled back.

“Oi!” Rak shouted, “Turtles stop smiling at each other, Rak doesn’t get it!”

Bam actually laughed, “Sorry Rak, it’s just…couple stuff?” He glanced at Khun who nodded, intently, as if it were an important question to answer correctly and not just…Rak being Rak.

The gator looked thoughtful for a moment. Bam quirked an eyebrow at Khun. Khun just stared at Rak. Finally, the gator said, “Fine, fine, but no inside jokes!”

“Me? Never,” Khun said with a smirk and a playful glint in his eyes. Bam sighed, Khun had just discovered a very fun new way to rile Rak up.

“Stop playing around Blue Turtle! You have to think of a way to get that little guide turtle!” Rak snapped.

Bam’s face fell. For a moment he’d forgotten about her. His eyes flickered to Khun and he saw the light-bearer’s expression shift as the humor drained from his eyes.

“Well?” Rak demanded, “What’s the plan?”

Khun looked away, not meeting either of their eyes. He looked a little shaken now and a little lost, “I—” his voice was a low murmur, “I don’t know.” He looked up at Bam and he shook his head, “I don’t know.”

Rak had tried to change the mood back to something lighter and more playful, but none of his attempts seemed to take.

Khun had just been putting on a brave front for him. He’d said, ‘We’ll find a way to get to the nest,’ so confidently and so coolly that Bam had let himself believe it, just for a few minutes. But they were still only regulars. Hell, even if they’d been rankers, they had no hope of getting close to the nest without a guide.

He was so sick of being ‘special,’ and still being utterly powerless.

Ultimately, Khun had made a less than convincing excuse about looking for floor plans and retreated behind his lighthouse. But he’d suggested Rak and Bam watch some tv and try to relax. Bam found it a little odd that he didn’t try to shoo Rak off, and Rak definitely wanted to stay. Wait were they actually worried about Su-Oh?

So they stayed together long past sunset. Around eleven Rak started to yawn and reached for another can of coffee.

“Have you been up since this morning?” Bam asked.

Rak nodded.

Bam sighed, “Go sleep, Rak—”

“No! The leader can’t abandon—”

“Rak!” Bam was starting to realize that he was furious about this entire situation and he let it show in his voice, “Enough! You need to rest, you’re tired, and god knows what will happen tomorrow. If Su-Oh tries something, I’ll handle her.” He was surprised by how angry he sounded. And he realized that he was serious, he wanted to hurt her.

“...Black turtle?”

His anger seemed to just evaporate in the face of Rak’s concern. Bam sighed, “I—I’m sorry Rak, I’m not angry at you, I’m just…frustrated.” He looked down at his own hand, wishing he had even one hundredth of Jinsung’s strength. Jinsung had worked hard to keep him as isolated from the elders of FUG as he could. But Bam had always lived with the fear that if he wasn’t…satisfactory they would kill Khun and the rest of his friends.

Now he’d seen one of the elders, and Khel Hellam and Su-Oh had been utterly disappointing. All they understood were predetermined paths that ended in death—because they didn’t have the power to create anything new. It was like there had been a sudden change in the light and now he could see everything a little more clearly—like the lens through which he viewed the world had sharpened. He had that power.

He glanced over his shoulder at Khun, who was leaning against the headboard and wearing an inscrutable expression. Khun shrugged at the gator and said, “Agreed, we slept in. You won’t be useful if you’re exhausted.” He slipped off the bed and stretched his arms above his head, cracking his back, “I wanted to check in with Isu anyway, make sure he has observers set up.”

“Go together,” Bam said, when Khun opened his mouth to protest, Bam spoke over him, “No, Khun, I’ll be able to hold my own long enough for help to come.” Then he smiled at Khun, “The last time I left you on your own you got stabbed…besides…”

He felt something darker creeping into his own voice, “Before we got to the cage, I hadn’t used the thorn in two years…” He saw Khun’s eyes get a little wider, “I blew off Gado’s leg without even trying. If she even puts a toe out of line—I’ll try.” Bam realized he was smiling, and it was not a pleasant one.

“Rak,” Khun snapped, “Go stand in the hallway for a minute.”

“What?!” The gator roared.

Khun rolled his eyes, “Fine, stay, I don’t care. We’re doing couple stuff.” He pushed his lighthouse aside and practically stomped over to Bam. “I don’t like being ordered around,” Khun growled at him, but he wrapped his arms around Bam’s neck and kissed him.

That made Bam smile and whisper in Khun’s ear, “Nah, I think you sort of liked it.”

Rak slipped into the hallway without another word.

Khun actually grinned and Bam laughed, gently pressing his forehead to Khun’s.

“What’s up?” Khun asked gentle.

“I didn’t mean to snap,” Bam breathed, “It’s just frustrating …She’s part of what kept me from you. There might not have been a better way to keep me alive, but I—I’m angry about it right now. And I’m not sure if it’s because I finally met one of the elders or because I know what I’ve been missing all this time. She and Khel Hellem were…”

“Anti-climactic?” Khun asked.

Bam nodded, “Yes. And stubborn. And ancient. And useless. God, I thought the slayers were difficult. I’m sick of it, I should have handled her myself back there.” He sighed, “I can’t let the elders think they can push me around anymore.”

“You aren’t ready to tear up the elders yet,” the light-bearer said, “You’ve been playing well with FUG, don’t let that goodwill go to waste.”

Bam felt like he was being stretched in too many different directions. Some part of him really, really wanted Su-Oh to try something. Because that part wanted to hurt her. But he needed to keep that part of himself in check, because if he wasn’t careful, he’d be slipping down the same slope Jahad and the ten families had fallen down. And apparently Khun thought it was kind of sexy when he got scary.

“Bam, I can see you thinking,” The light-bearer murmured, “talk to me.”

He felt his mouth twitch into a faint smile, “I just feel out of control again. Like I’m just…an echo of a dead woman’s vendetta—a busted puppet of FUG. And I’m—I am afraid of,” he swallowed hard and took a deep breath, “How much I want to hurt her. She upset you.”

Khun’s eyes went very wide, “Bam,” he breathed, “A lot of people upset me…”

“They kept me from you for six years,” Bam hissed, “I can’t just…rationalize that away anymore. I could have spent six years with you."

“Oh…” The light-bearer murmured, “Bam—”

Bam interrupted him with a kiss. Then he muttered, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to start just slaughtering people. Please be careful, just in case. Talk to Isu together and make sure he has an observer follow you back here. And call me if there’s any trouble—Karaka bugged my pocket so it monitors calls. It’ll buy you some time if she knows Karaka is listening.”

Khun rolled his eyes, “I know.”

That made Bam blink, “What?”

“I know it’ll buy me some time.”

Bam narrowed his eyes, “…really…”  

Khun sighed, “We’ll talk about it later—I used to be a good liar.” He withdrew, somewhat reluctantly, from Bam.

 He headed for the door and called, “I’ll be right back—”

Bam ran after him and interrupted him by wrapping his arms tightly around Khun’s shoulders.

“You’re so damn fast,” the light-bearer muttered.

“And you love it,” Bam whispered, lips brushing Khun’s ear. Bam felt the shudder that shot down Khun’s spine and heard the light-bearer’s breath catch. “Come back soon,” He whispered. He let Khun go, and Khun spun around to give him a quick kiss before leaving.

Fifteen minutes later, Bam caved. He was curled up on the bed, arms around his knees, thinking about Su-Oh. He couldn’t get her words out of his head. Whenever it was quiet, his mind drifted back to her words. His mind felt like a broken recorder. He kept trying to think past her words, but he just fell back into the echo chamber of his own uglier thoughts. She was part of what had kept him from Khun. And she was absolutely useless—it disgusted him, that people like her had tried to control him or kill him. But he’d let it happen, he hadn’t had the power to keep himself and Khun safe.

“You look like you’ve got a lot on your mind…you shouldn’t frown so much, you’ll get wrinkles.”

That familiar voice jerked Bam upright and snapped his gaze to the familiar figure in his doorway.

“Hwaryun!” He called, unable to hold back his wonder and relief. Her presence shocked him out of his thoughts. Her confident gaze was like a live wire, jolting his mind back to the present.

She didn’t exactly have good news—but hard news, things he needed to hear. But the longer Bam spoke to her, the better he felt. There was a way to rescue Jinsung, there was hope—Hwaryun wouldn’t be here now if there wasn’t a path.

That thought made him feel a little silly about letting Su-Oh’s words bother him so deeply. Especially after he’d spent most of yesterday convincing Khun that there was hope for them. But he was still struggling to shake her off.

“Well?” Hwaryun asked him, reaching out to him with one hand, “At a time like this, don’t you think it’s important to get their attention?”

Bam struggled to verbalize his thoughts. He was still processing everything Hwaryun had told him.

“Su-Oh said she should have killed me,” Bam confessed. “I…It was like she said everything I’ve been thinking out loud.” That wasn’t quite right, there was something else that disturbed him about the guide. He really hoped she and Hwaryun weren’t close.

“Actually, I…part of me wanted her to try something. She’s part of what kept me from Khun for six years—and she and Khel Hellam...they were so disappointing. They can’t win against Jahad because they’re incapable of change, they just follow the same paths over and over—they can’t break free of them.” He was surprised again to hear the anger rise in his voice.

He’d never felt so resentful about that lost time. He’d gained so much strength from that training. And he’d kept Khun safe. But he never should have had to. It may have been the best way to keep him hidden from Jahad, but he couldn’t ignore what it had cost him anymore.

“I’ve never cared for either of them,” Hwaryun admitted, smirking at him, “You’re starting to sound more like a god, Viole. I wouldn’t blow the elders off just yet though—they aren’t all fossils like Hellam.”

He took a deep breath and tried to push that anger away, this wasn’t the place for it.  “At the cage,” He said, voice cool and controlled, “I blew off a ranker’s leg without even meaning to…I almost want to see what’ll happen if I try,” he sighed, eyes downcast, “that scares me.”

“I understand, Viole…you made a choice that’s changed your life. But I think you made the right choice.”

He glanced over at her, “How did you know?”

Her lips quirked into a smirk, “Guide, remember? You chose a path.”

Bam decided not to open that particular can of worms, he sighed, “The Elders won’t be happy about an amateur slayer candidate causing so much trouble, they’re probably thinking the same thing as Su-Oh.”

“I’m not,” Hwaryun murmured.

“I know. And I know you wouldn’t be here unless there was a path.” He gave her a shaky smile, “Khun said she was just bitching because FUG lost control of me.”

“He’s right,” she said, voice relaxed and easy.

That made Bam’s smile a little more secure, “It’s sort of comforting how often you too are on the same wavelength. I’m sorry to be so…”

“You should give yourself more credit, Jyu Viole Grace. You’ve managed to turn your old enemies into allies. Karaka was entirely opposed to you, but you’ve managed to win him over. White is notoriously unstable and you’ve made him an ally too. I’m sure you impressed Yama yesterday.” Then her gaze softened, “I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but Lord Luslec has a tremendous amount of faith in you. He wouldn’t bother asking the elders if he didn’t.”

“White is just waiting for me to fatten up so he can try to eat me,” Bam snorted, “But you’re right, Hwaryun.” Bam sighed, “I just…I hope I can live up to that faith.”

Her gaze turned teasing and she wore a smug smile, “If you think it’s hopeless, you’re wrong.” Bam’s eyes widened. He felt his anger drain away in the face of his wonder and curiosity—how had she known?

“…what are you doing here?” Khun’s distinctly unhappy voice cut through the room.

“Khun!” Bam said, voice bright and genuinely happy. Every time he saw Khun, it felt like his heart beat a little harder. The light-bearer hadn’t been gone long, but just seeing him sent a rush of warmth up his spine and put a smile on his face. He crossed the room to meet Khun in the middle of it.

Khun practically beamed at him. It thrilled Bam to see that smile, it was as if his own smile had drawn one from Khun. The light-bearer looked relieved to see Bam’s easy smile. Khun raised his eyebrows and Bam nodded, he felt much more like himself already.  Bam resisted the urge to apologize for worrying him.

He practically felt Hwaryun’s eyes flicker between them. There was a weight to her gaze. Bam could practically feel her thinking, analyzing, weighing possibilities.

Bam took both of Khun’s hands in his, tangling their fingers together. Khun leaned a little closer to him, looking at their twined fingers with a soft, tender smile. For a moment, Bam wondered if Khun had forgotten Hwaryun was in the room. That made him realize that Hwayrun was still leaning over the dresser.

“Oh,” Bam’s gaze flickered back to Hwaryun, “I’m sorry—please have a seat.”

Hwaryun nodded at him and sat down at the foot of the bed.

“Hwaryun has an idea,” Bam told Khun, voice hushed and a little excited. “But I, um, I’m not sure the best way to do it.”

Khun’s gaze slid to Hwaryun, “What’s the idea?”  

Bam said, “We need to get one of the elders to help us. Luslec is going to ask them tomorrow about participating in the war.” While Hwaryun kept that cool, measuring gaze on the two of them.

“It’s going to be a war then?” Khun asked, addressing Hwaryun. She nodded. Khun sighed. He withdrew from Bam to sit on the bed, half-leaning against the headboard. “I knew we couldn’t really keep you a secret anymore but….” He sighed.  He glanced up at Hwaryun, “One of the elders is interested?”

She nodded and added, “A conservative one.”

“And if Bam wins them over…if we rescue Jinsung Ha, more will follow?” Khun asked.

“Like dominos,” Hwaryun said, voice easy and certain. “So, what do you think? You’re Bam’s strategist. Is there any way to make the hard-liners elders and conservative rankers change their minds right away?”

That made Khun sigh and cross his arms over his chest. “We don’t have much time, and we can’t even talk to them…the best strategy would probably be to influence public opinion. Khun sighed again, sounding burdened and unhappy, “I really don’t want to do it…But there is one thing. An issue that’s to guaranteed to get their attention, hopefully it’ll get them to act.”

Hwaryun quirked an eyebrow.

Khun frowned, then asked in a small voice, “Bam, have you eaten dinner?”

Bam shook his head.

Khun rubbed his forehead with one hand and murmured, “Me neither…my blood sugar feels kind of low—”

Bam wasn’t totally sure what that meant. Khun had never used the phrase before—at least not around him. But he tried for a reasonable level of concern, “Are you all right, Khun? What can I do? Should I get you anything?” And felt immediately embarrassed by his inability to play anything cool.

But it made Khun smile at him, a genuine, guileless one that made Bam’s heart skip a beat. “Just hungry,” Khun mumbled, “it’s not urgent, so don’t panic. I just didn’t eat enough earlier—do you mind getting us dinner?”

“No, of course not,” Bam said, “Hwaryun, do you want something?”

“…Sure…but I stopped eating meat, so make sure it’s vegetarian. And I’m allergic to leafy greens.”

Bam felt a little puzzled by that, he didn’t remember Hwaryun being such a picky eater. Then again, they really couldn’t afford to be picky on the hell train. He gave Khun’s hand a quick squeeze, then glanced back at Hwaryun to say, “Okay, I’ll find something.”

As soon as Bam was outside the door, Khun sneered, “Leafy greens?”

The redhead shrugged, “That’ll give him the fewest options, he’ll probably end up picking them out by hand.”

Khun made a disgruntled sound.

“How does it feel to be beloved by a God?” Hwaryun asked, tone polite and conversational.

“What color are your panties today?” He snapped. Then he fluttered his hands, mimicking an apologetic tone in a frosty voice, “Oh—sorry, I thought we were asking each other invasive questions.”

“Well, without his virtue, Jyu Viole Grace is just like the rest of us now.”

Khun froze and the color drained from his face, leaving it so pale that his skin looked like chalk, “What?”

“Just kidding,” her face broke into a teasing grin. “You’ve read too much manga.”

With a wordless, frustrated groan, Khun settled himself more comfortably in the bed. He leaned back against the headboard, eyeing Hwaryun suspiciously.

“Khun Augero Agnis—”

Khun interrupted her with a disgruntled huff, “You aren’t even the first person to ask me that today.”

“Karaka?”

The light-bearer glared at her and nodded.

“You’re being nastier than usual so I’m assuming you’re nervous.” The light, teasing tone dropped from her voice, leaving something softer and almost soothing, “Why did you want to talk to me without Viole?”

“Something happened,” Khun said, voice cold and defensive.

When he didn’t elaborate, Hwaryun frowned and asked, “Why are you so concerned about your relationship with Viole? I was just going to say congratulations and to take care of him. He’s very precious to—”

“Yes, I know he’s your ‘god’, but I…I feel like he dragged my heart outside of my body and just pinned it to his chest.” Khun snapped.

“And you hold his in return. Love makes us vulnerable.”

“It should be something wonderful and,” he rubbed his forehead with one hand, “I’m going to draw something horrible out of him, he’ll do things he’ll regret to keep me safe. He told me he almost wanted Su-Oh to try something, so that he could hurt her.”

“Viole is not a killer.”

Khun sighed again, insisting, “He will be!” His voice dropped and he muttered, “if anything happens to me, he will be.”

“Why does that bother you?”

“Six years of being manipulated by you people didn’t change him, and I’m guessing in 6 months someone else will try to stab me again or plant a bomb in my heart! He gets stronger so quickly, God in 6 months he might be able to just kill a regular with a look or something.”

“You are nervous,” Hwaryun sounded genuinely surprised.  “And I thought you were the stone-cold killer.”

“Right, I am! Because it doesn’t bother me, but it bothers him! What if he has to hurt someone to protect me and just ends up hating me.” Khun drew his knees closer to his chest to rest his elbows on them.

“He would never regret protecting you.”

Khun sighed heavily and buried his face in his hands. After a moment he murmured, “I hope so.”

“I’m sorry,” the guide said, “That there wasn’t a better way…this was the only path that would keep him alive.”

They sat in silence for a long moment.

“I guess I’m glad you’re here,” Khun sighed.  

Hwaryun actually did look a little surprised, “Really?”

“He saw something,” Khun murmured, “He had a vision or something and it…scared me.”

“A vision?”

After Khun explained the visions, Hwaryun actually looked a little spooked.  

“I understand a little better,” She admitted, “How you feel, I mean. May I ask how you feel about Viole?”

“I’d follow him to hell and back.”

“I know that, I meant…do you love him?”

“I feel like he ripped me open at the seams and put me back together, like I’m bursting with…him… And I don’t mind…” He shook his head and dropped his gaze to the bed. Khun murmured, “of course I love him.”

“Love is sort of foreign in the tower,” She mused, “It’s actively punished by Jahad, and there’s no room for love in the ten families. But you know that better than I do,” she admitted, voice dropping to a hushed murmur, “I think his capacity to love and be loved—that’s what truly makes him shine…You’re what makes him shine.”

“No pressure,” Khun muttered.

“Hwaryun, I’m sorry they only had vegetarian Bibimbap, but I picked out all the spinach…” Bam’s bright voice cut through the tension hanging in the air like a bell.

He stood in the doorway blinking as his gaze flickered between Khun’s tense face and the cryptic smile on Hwaryun’s.

That couldn’t have been good.  

Chapter Text

“How you feel, I mean. May I ask how you feel about Viole?”

“I’d follow him to hell and back.”

“I know that, I meant…do you love him?”

“I feel like he ripped me open at the seams and put me back together, like I’m bursting with…him… And I don’t mind…” He shook his head and dropped his gaze to the bed. Khun murmured, “of course I love him.”

“Love is sort of foreign in the tower,” She mused, “It’s actively punished by Jahad, and there’s no room for love in the ten families. But you know that better than I do,” she admitted, voice dropping to a hushed murmur, “I think his capacity to love and be loved—that’s what truly makes him shine…You’re what makes him shine.”

Khun swallowed hard and slowly raised his head to meet her gaze. “No pressure,” he muttered, "That’s just riduc—

The click of the door opening hushed him. Khun had tucked his chin to his chest, so that he glared at her through his pale bangs.

Bam’s bright voice cut through the air like a bell, “Hwaryun, I’m sorry they only had vegetarian Bibimbap, but I picked out all the spinach…” 

He stood in the doorway blinking as his gaze flickered between Khun’s tense face and the cryptic smile on Hwaryun’s. That couldn’t have been good.  

If suddenly you forget me do not look for me, for I shall already have forgotten you.

Khun was curled up against the headboard, knees drawn into his chest and arms wrapped around them. He’d propped his chin on his knee and his face was downcast. Despite his brittle posture, his eyes flashed with fury. His mouth was drawn in a light line, jaw clenched so tight that Bam could practically hear his molars grinding together. For a heartbeat, Bam saw the faint glow of the fire fish pulse around Khun’s head. The paler, cerulean ring of his iris caught the light and blazed through the fringe of his pale bangs.

What had Hwaryun said? What could they possibly have discussed in fifteen minutes that would leave Khun looking so spooked. The light-bearer looked almost feral.

Then, Khun glanced up at Bam and his face softened to Bam’s relief. Bam watched some of that anger drain from his eyes, leaving them warmer with relief and affection. He still looked unhappy, but Bam would soothe that away too. He couldn’t help beaming at the light-bearer.

Bam knew that he’d missed something important. He set the trays of food down on the dresser. “What happened?” He asked, going to Khun. He sat at the edge of bed and reached out to Khun, turning his back to Hwaryun momentarily. “Are you alright?”

Khun nodded at him, but his posture didn’t relax. Khun was flexible, but his hips were going to get stiff if he stayed huddled like that. Hell, Khun didn’t huddle—at least not in front of company.

Bam slipped onto the bed, sitting against the headboard beside Khun. He stretched his legs out, made sure his posture was deliberately relaxed. Bam was hoping that Khun would notice, maybe on some subconscious level, and mirror Bam's posture. He left a few inches between himself and Khun. Then Bam laid his hand, palm up, on the bed between them. It was an open invitation for Khun to take the hand if he wanted to, but Bam didn’t want to put any pressure on him—especially in front of someone Khun didn’t exactly consider a friend.

Hwaryun’s dark eyes flickered between them and then she smiled, as if she’d just had some important hypothesis confirmed.

“I told her about the visions you had,” Khun said, voice as brittle as he looked.

“Oh,” Bam said, feeling a little dumbstruck as he studied Khun’s face, “I didn’t think they were that important. I know it bothered you, but I didn’t realize it upset you so much.”

The light-bearer just shrugged, “It—I…” his gaze flickered to Hwaryun.

“I’m sorry,” Bam murmured, hand twitching as he resisted the urge to reach for Khun, “We can talk about it later.”

Khun shrugged, eyes finally flickering to meet Bam’s, “It’s alright,” he said, “She knows and she’s the only guide I halfway trust.”

“I wish I could be more helpful,” Hwaryun admitted, “I’ve never heard of anyone other than Guides seeing paths. But Bam creates new paths and his existence here actively disrupts paths.” She cocked her head as she studied Bam, “that’s why it’s so difficult for Guides to find you, because you create multiple futures.” She asked, “You saw the Doors?”

Bam nodded, “I’m positive that they were the same doors I saw when I came here. I don’t know why, but as I woke up, I knew those dreams weren’t part of some pre-determined future.”

“And the house,” she looked at Khun now, “You’re sure that was the house you grew up in?”

“As sure as I can be,” Khun shrugged.

“It isn’t the physical place you want to return to,” She said, voice eerily certain, “But the feeling of it.”

Khun nodded, he didn’t look happy about it, but he agreed with her.

She sighed, “That’s what convinces me that Bam didn’t see the future, exactly. You never wanted to see that house again.”

Bam sighed, he knew this was the time to tell Hwaryun about the other scene he’d witnessed. He knew Khun wouldn’t be happy that Bam had held it back, but he hoped Khun would understand why. “I saw something else,” Bam admitted, then he looked over at Khun. He stammered in a hurried rush, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you last night, but I think it was the outside and that has to do with Rachel.”

Khun looked a little hurt at first, but when he said Rachel’s name, Bam actually saw the light drain from his eyes—leaving them as hard and pale as a piece of ice.  

“Khun, I just saw your eyes go all sharky,” Bam said, voice thick with worry, “Please tell me you—”

“I understand, Bam,” Khun sighed. His eyes flickered between the guide and the man beside him. Khun gingerly dropped one arm from around his knees and brushed his fingers against Bam’s open palm, “But after this, I never want to hear her name in bed again, any bed, if we’re in a bed—no talking about that bitch.”

Bam felt his heart skip a beat at the ‘we’ part of that sentiment. It made him wonder how many different beds they’d end up in as they climbed, made him wonder about that house again and what having their own, permanent bed would feel like. It made him squeeze Khun’s hand tightly and he couldn’t keep a smile off his face.

“Anything, Khun,” he whispered.

Hwaryun cleared her throat, snapping Bam’s attention from Khun to the guide. Bam blushed and mumbled, “Right, visions.”

He sighed, rubbing his face with his free hand, then started to talk, “I saw the outside—and I know it was the outside because there was no Shinsu in that place. I saw a girl dancing in a field, and a woman watching her. And in the distance, I saw a cliff with the symbol of Jahad on it. And I’ve seen that symbol before. It was in the cave. And…in that life, I guess, once while Rachel was visiting me, she told me about a huge cliff with the symbol on it. I didn’t know back then that it was Jahad’s symbol.”

Khun looked unabashedly startled and even Hwaryun looked surprised.

“Could you see the woman or the girl?” She asked.

Bam shook his head, “No. The woman had long dark hair, but that’s all I could make out. And that isn’t exactly a unique trait.”

“Who would have put Jahad’s symbol on that cliff?” Khun asked, then he looked stricken and said, “What about inside the cave? Could Rachel have—”

“No, it’s always been there,” Bam murmured, gaze downcast. He felt lost and a little guilty.

 Maybe he should have kept it to himself. Neither Khun nor Hwaryun had been outside the tower, they wouldn’t have any idea what to tell him. All he had done was raise disturbing questions that none of them could answer. And that knowledge made him feel a little sick.

“And the one on the cliff was very high,” Bam kept talking, kept sharing, “Rachel can barely use Shinsu here—there’s no way she could have drawn the symbol. She must have lived in a village or a town. She couldn’t have survived alone. But I don’t know, she didn’t tell me anything...real, or if she did, I just didn’t understand it. All I remember are little stories. But she knew about the tower. Before the doors opened, that was the last thing she said, ‘I’m going to The Tower.’”

They sat in silence for a while. Bam squeezed Khun’s hand, anxious and eager to make sure his light-bearer was alright. Khun gave him a shaky smile but his fingers tightened around Bam’s.

“It could have been Arlene,” Hwaryun murmured, “I don’t know of anyone else who made it back outside.”

“Maybe it was someone who lived outside, maybe they thought that cliff was the exterior of the tower. There must have been stories about the tower, Rachel told me some…fairy tales, I guess, I don’t know what else to call them.” Bam sighed and finally asked the question he’d been dreading, “Maybe they were just folk stories her people shared…or maybe Arlene told her?”

“You’re sure she knows Arlene?” Khun said, voice slipping into a colder, analytic tone.

“Yes.” Bam said decisively. He frowned, struggling to explain his encounter with Rachel on the floor of death. His voice sounded distant—even to his own ears, “On the floor of death, when we spoke…She didn’t say her name, but she knew it. When I said, ‘Arlene Grace,’ her face changed,” he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Rachel knew Arlene. She was a competent liar, but not a great one. “I—I knew she recognized that name.” Bam felt Khun go stiff as a board beside him.

Bam sighed, he wished he hadn’t brought any of this up. He knew how much it upset Khun, and it bothered him too. He didn’t like to think about his life before he’d come to the tower. It physically pained him to think about Rachel sometimes. But after she’d told him that he was a ‘monster’ who would ‘devour’ the tower, the symbol of Jahad in that cave had started to haunt him. Maybe it had been a seal on his prison.

She’d been so kind to him in that cave. Had that girl just been a lie? Had the tower changed her so much? In a moment of clarity, so sharp and sudden that his head ached, he knew that was just an excuse. Rachel had always been Rachel, and he had never really known her. She had been so desperate to climb. And so desperate to keep him out of the tower.

But he knew there was the smallest chance that Hwaryun would be able to help. And maybe more importantly, sharing everything would shut Rachel out. Maybe she assumed that he was alone, like she was, and holding everything inside himself. But he wasn’t alone.

“And she knew about the thorn?” Hwaryun asked.

Bam nodded, “before we got to the spirit room, she kept telling me to stop. That this world had nothing to do with me, and that it should have been hers—the thorn fragment, I guess.  And that she’s wanted it for ages.”

“I’m not aware of any other cases of two irregulars entering the tower—functionally together. And climbing the tower as regulars.” Hwaryun said, sounding as perplexed as Bam felt. “I’m sorry, Viole, but I don’t really have any idea. I know she’s afraid of you…of what you’ll become here. She knew you would shine so brightly here, that you’d swallow everything else…even the stars she wants so desperately to see.”

“Very poetic,” Khun scoffed.

“Khun,” Bam said, voice hushed and tone chiding while he nudged Khun gently with his shoulder. Khun made a disgruntled sound that Bam interpreted to mean he’d try to control himself.

Hwaryun smiled and said, “I can ask Lord Luslec about Arlene…I’m not sure what he’ll be comfortable sharing though. I’m still not sure what faction of FUG has been pushing Rachel along though.”

“I understand. Please don’t bother Luslec about it...he’s doing so much for me,” Bam murmured, feeling incredibly bad about bringing this mess up.

But he’d already come this far, he figured it couldn’t hurt to share more—this was certainly the time. Rachel was a liar and she thrived on manipulation. The best way to deal with someone like that was to shine a light into the shadows they dealt in. If he held anything back, he might be doing Rachel a favor.

“What else?” Khun asked. Bam could hear the effort Khun was making to temper his voice. “I can tell, Bam.”  

He took a deep breath and started, “She said…” He took another sharp breath and murmured, “On the hell train, after we got back from the hidden floor, she told me that Arlene called me a monster—something that would destroy the tower.”

Khun’s grip tightened painfully on his hand. “She can go fuck herself,” Khun spat. His voice was so raw that it sounded like he was chewing bits of broken glass, “both of them can for all I care.” His brows were so tight that Bam could see a vein pulsing on his forehead. His mouth was a hard, thin line and Bam could hear him grinding his back molars now. His eyes went even paler, reminding Bam of ice frosting over a pool of water. Khun hissed, “Once I get my hands on her, I’ll make her tell me.”

“I don’t really care what she has to say anymore,” Bam admitted. “She said that now I had to keep following her, even if I didn’t want to. Because she has the answers.” He tugged lightly on Khun’s hand, drawing the light-bearer’s eyes to him. “But I don’t care,” he said, realizing it was the absolute truth. Saying it aloud made him suddenly feel freer, lighter somehow, as if he were releasing some great burden and letting it float away.

Khun still looked furious, but he’d stopped grinding his teeth. Bam ran his thumb across Khun’s delicate knuckles and felt the light-bearer relax a little beside him. Bam glanced at Hwaryun, silently asking for help and hoping his gaze conveyed how much he needed it.

“What do you mean?” Hwaryun asked. She gave Bam a small smile and a subtle nod. Her voice seemed to startle Khun a little, like the light-bearer had been so deep in his own thoughts that he was somewhere else entirely.

“She lies. She might have been lying about what Arlene told her.” Bam’s voice dropped to a whisper, “I don’t care what she has to say.” His gaze was downcast, and he felt terribly vulnerable. He didn’t like his “past.” The more he learned about it, the less he felt like an actual human being—like he was just an echo of someone else’s vendetta.  He just kept smoothing his thumb along Khun’s knuckles, over and over again.

“But she’s the only person who might know why you were in that cave,” Khun murmured. Bam glanced up at him. Khun’s anger had faded, leaving his face soft and open. Looking at Khun chased away his doubts, grounded him. Bam knew he had a future with Khun. He had seen it, there was a path in this tower that would lead him to that future. And knowing that he had a real future as just himself, as Bam, made him feel real.

Suddenly, Bam wondered if Rak had even told Khun what had happened after they’d confronted Rachel after the hidden floor. Khun himself might not even realize that Bam had made his choice two years ago on the hell train.

“Khun,” Bam said quietly, he let his head tilt back against the headboard. When he knew that he had Khun’s attention he said, “After the hidden floor, when we were back on the train, I went to talk to her. Well, to fight her—for the thorns,” Bam rolled his eyes at the idea that what had happened between them was a ‘fight.’ Rachel was too weak, and maybe purposefully stayed weak, so that there could never be a fair fight between them. It was just another thing to hold over his head, another way for her to victimize herself, “It wasn’t really a fight, you know what she’s like, but I told her that the next time something like this happens, I’d kill her.”

Khun stared at him with wide eyes, his mouth had even dropped into a small o.

Actually, he’d said, ‘I may have to kill you.’

But one thing had changed, maybe it a small thing depending on how you thought about relationships. Was the jump from friend to lover really so great? Bam didn’t know, but he was learning. And if the fury swelling inside him at just thinking back to that confrontation, to seeing Khun grasping at his fucking heart on the hidden floor, was any indication—then yes, it changed nothing and everything.

He shook his head, trying to clear that memory from his mind, like shaking off cobwebs. Khun was still staring at him, looking almost dumfounded. Bam couldn’t believe Khun was surprised, had Khun actually worried that Bam would forgive Rachal again—did Khun still worry that Bam might love Rachel?

To his surprise, Khun finally snickered, it was a wry, brittle sound, but it was better than Bam had been expecting, “‘Something like this,’” Khun said wryly, making little air quotes, “Meaning try to kill me again?”

“Yeah,” Bam scoffed, “That. And it needs to be happening way less frequently, Khun.”

Khun laughed, it was more a choked bark of sound, “I’ll do my best.” After a moment, Khun glanced over at him, met Bam’s golden eyes with his own. The light-bearer didn’t look angry anymore, but there was almost tentative about the tension in his brows and his mouth. “…Do you really mean that Bam? About…about not caring?”

Bam nodded. He didn’t know exactly how he felt, angry, frustrated, and tired—so tired of Rachel, talking about her, thinking about her and her poisoned tongue. He let that conviction fill his eyes. He was surprised by the venom in his own voice when he said, “Nothing she could possibly tell me will be worth what it’ll cost.”

They both knew what Bam feared the cost might be.

“I don’t want to go through that ever again,” he met Khun’s gaze, thinking back to seeing Khun inside that glass coffin. It had been such an eerie sight. Bam wished desperately he’d never seen it, because now he knew exactly how Khun would look if he died, if Bam let him die.

“But, Bam, without her we…we might never find out about your past,” Khun said, voice carefully neutral.

“Maybe, but we can’t trust anything she says. Even if she gave us an answer, we couldn’t trust it.” Bam reached over to wrap both of his hands around Khun’s. “Hwaryun?” He asked, glancing over at her.

“I don’t know,” Hwaryun said, sounding genuinely unsure. She glanced at Bam, “You’re right—she does lie. But she knows things about the tower…and I can’t figure out how. It might be that device, Emily.”

“Emily’s knowledge is only based on people’s input—it has no capacity for independent thought,” Khun argued.

“Its primary function is to create artificial paths,” Hwaryun mused, “Maybe someone higher up is using Emily to feed her information.”

“I think there’s a more important question,” Khun said, voice cold and stiff, “Why does she feel entitled to the thorns?”

“Yes,” Hwaryun agreed easily, “Yes, that is the question. She knows about the child of prophecy.”

“She must think she’s that child,” Bam said, voice utterly empty as he spoke. It was something he’d been thinking for a long time now and had never had the courage to say. If he wasn’t even the special child of Arlene Grace, then who was he? And what had he done to be banished to that cave for so long?

“What are you saying?” Hwaryun asked him.

He could feel the weight of her gaze and resisted the urge to squirm. He was going deep into his own neuroses. And he did not want to say it. But they’d come this far so he said, “Maybe Rachel is that child. And not me.”

Khun clutched his hand tightly, “Why would you think that? Of all things, Bam. Whoever she is, you’re the one climbing the tower through your own power. The thorns accepted you. You were able to…fold them into yourself. You carry the power of those souls because you’re worthy of it. You ignited the Black March.”

Even Bam had to admit, it was a compelling list.

Hwaryun nodded, “I agree, Viole. Whoever Rachel was to Arlene, she is not the one the tower chose. So please don’t let her delusions cloud your decisions.”

That made Bam glance at Hwayrun, she looked genuinely concerned. That was a rare sight, and he wasn’t sure what to make of it. “I won’t,” He said carefully, “the decisions…the decisions I can make right now are already made. I have things I need to protect.” And something in his gaze convinced Hwaryun, made her nod in agreement. “I’m just thinking out loud, Hwaryun.”

“On the hidden floor, Jahad recognized you,” Hwaryun said, “He recognized you as Arlene’s child.”

“Her dead child,” Bam muttered. “But Rachel’s eyes are almost the same color as mine—” Khun made a strangled, wordless sound. Something about it made Bam smile faintly, “Mine are prettier, but the colors are similar. He might have made a mistake.”

Khun rolled his eyes, “if he did, then that old bastard certainly can’t see fate.” The light-bearer sighed, looking drained by the whole conversation, “What does it matter now, anyway?” Sometimes Bam forgot that his light-bearer had spent years with Rachel, Rachel pretending to be crippled, Rachel pretending to be—

“It doesn’t,” Bam murmured, “That’s why I don’t care about it anymore. It doesn’t matter and it’s already too…it’s too much. I’m just trying to understand Rachel.”

Khun made a sound like he’d choked on a chicken bone. Bam squeezed his hand tightly, although he was pretty sure Khun was just being dramatic, “I understand why Jahad wants me dead. I understand why Su-Oh wants me dead. But I don’t understand Rachel…and that gives her an advantage,” He glanced back at Hwaryun, “And she’s hidden from you, as a guide.”

She nodded, “I understand, she is, all we can do is try to predict her actions. And you’re the only source of information we have—”

“And I don’t have much.” Bam sighed.

Khun muttered, “I hate conversations like this, all we have are more question marks.”

“We know for certain that Rachel feels entitled to be the child of prophecy. And she rejects the destinies of the tower—”

“She still doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong,” Bam said, a fine thread of rage overwhelmed him and slipped into his voice. “She can rationalize anything into being just part of the competition.” His mouth twitched into a faint smile, “And there are so many people here who would agree with her. That’s what’s wrong with this place. Maybe she’s right and I was never meant to be here. But I am. And I have a future here. So, I’ll protect it.”

“And Rachel does not. Viole,” something in her tone drew his gaze from Khun and back to her, “That will be your greatest strength—that hope.”

That made him smile and he knew it wasn’t a happy one, more a baring of teeth, “That’s all I can do,” Bam said, eyes on Khun’s pale hand, on the contrast between his pinker skin and Khun’s, “Everyone here is so beaten down by the tower and it’s laws and it’s paths. I’ve met so many wonderful people here and they deserve better. The Tower….it just forces them to eat each other to pass tests.” He said that word with so much disdain. His tone shifted, voice hard and confident, as he met Hwaryun’s measuring gaze, “They deserve to hope for a better future.”

“For what it’s worth, Viole,” Hwaryun said with a pleased smile, “You’ve made a believer out of me.”

Khun twined their fingers together, gazing at their hands. His eyes flickered to Bam’s face, letting Bam see his blue eyes, brimming with hope like a cup about to overflow. His expression should have been soft with eyes like that, instead his brows were furrowed, and he was wearing an almost predatory smile. Then he said, voice hushed and decisive, “Go to the ranking bureau and beat a ranker. Officially, the only regular who has ever beaten a ranker was Adori Jahad. And she was an A-class regular.” His expression shifted into a smirk. Bam was incredibly relieved to see a familiar glint of confidence in his blue eyes, “But Bam, you’ve already beaten rankers before.”   

That made Hwaryun’s eyes light up and her face broke into a sly grin, “Imagine a little C-Rank regular amateur slayer candidate beating a ranker even sooner than Princess Adori Jahad. Perfect.”

“He certainly isn’t an amateur,” Khun huffed. Then his gaze shifted to Hwaryun, “Thanks for the help, I appreciate it. Now get out and take your dinner with you—Bam picked out all the leafy greens by hand,” he smirked as he said it.

Hwaryun arched one eyebrow, but she didn’t correct the minor lie about food allergies.

“I’ve got a propriety interest in making sure Viole sleeps well.” As soon as he’d said it, Khun looked a little stricken, like he had to actively resist smacking his forehead with his palm—their friends did not need more ammo.  

The redhead gracefully got to her feet and didn’t bother to hide a smile, “You might consider getting him tattooed or something, to display your ‘proprietary interest,’ he’s got at least two princesses of Jahad who think he’s adorable.”

Khun grumbled wordlessly.

“Thank you Hwaryun,” Bam said sincerely, hoping it was alright that he spoke for them both. He did genuinely appreciate any assistance on the Rachel problem, but dear god, he wished he hadn’t told either of them about the vision of the girl and the sheer cliff face. He didn’t want to spend his last full night with Khun talking about Rachel. This is probably what he deserves for spending a few years chasing a girl up a tower, no wonder everyone thinks he still wants to talk about her.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Viole, I’ll go with you to the ranking bureau.”

Khun glowered at the wall, distinctly avoiding Hwaryun’s gaze.

She left them alone together with the soft click of the door closing. About a heartbeat after the door closed, Bam sped over to the door, locked it, and was back in bed before Khun could even blink at him.

Khun gave him a puzzled look and Bam realized what Khun was probably thinking. No, he was not going to jump the light-bearer as soon as they were alone. Khun so did not look like he was in the mood. In fact, in the heartbeat that Bam hadn’t been beside him, Khun had sort of slumped, or maybe wilted was a better word. Now that they were alone, he must have felt safe enough to let some walls down and the conversation had taken a toll on Khun.

“I just don’t want anyone else visiting,” Bam explained, carefully sitting at the edge of the bed. His boyfriend was still curled against the headboard. As soon as Bam dropped Khun’s hand to get the door, Khun had it wrapped around his knee again—pulling himself into an even tighter ball. Bam thought he understood why—just spent nearly an hour talking about one of his lease favorite people, couldn’t go to the ranking bureau with his boyfriend, said boyfriend about to start a war. Then again, maybe Khun hadn’t known that Bam had chosen him, maybe Khun was recontextualizing things.

He knew it was a lame start, but Bam asked, “Are you alright, Khun?”

“…Are you?”

Bam had been sitting back against the headboard, one leg on the ground, the other folded beneath him. He realized it might be a little…cowardly to be treating his boyfriend like a skittish animal. But Khun could just shut down entirely if he felt too much—too many emotions, conflicting emotions, new emotions. Khun was really not good at sorting through feelings. But that was fine, because Bam was. He was good at teasing them out of Khun, one by one. So, he was taking things slowly.

Bam tugged gently on Khun’s hand. His blue eyes flickered to Bam’s behind the whisps of his pale hair. “Can I come closer?” Bam asked.

Khun bit his lower lip, staring at Bam like he’d asked the light bearer a much more complicated question. Now Bam was sure that something had happened inside Khun’s head and that Bam had missed it. Finally, Khun nodded and Bam pulled his other leg back onto the bed.

Bam smiled at the light-bearer, gently reached out to unwrap that hand from around Khun’s knee. He took Khun’s pale hand between both of his and just savored the feeling of the other boy’s soft skin, the callus’ on his palms, the ridge of his knuckles against Bam’s fingertips.

“Raw,” Bam admitted after a few minutes, “I feel raw.”

Khun unfurled himself just enough to prop his chin on his knees so that Bam could see his face. The light-bearer was smiling, but it was a small, fragile thing, “How do you know exactly what to say?”

“Because I wasn’t raised by lizard people,” Bam tried for teasing, “I use this thing called empathy.”

“You grew up in a cave,” Khun scoffed, “You shouldn’t be this good at feelings.”

“...Are you worried about the plan for tomorrow?”

The light-bearer shot him an unhappy frown that was close to a pout, “Of course not. You shouldn’t have any trouble against the rankers they keep at the bureau.”  

So that left Bam, once again, with the topic of Rachel. And he was just too tired to keep dealing with her ghost, with the Rachel that lived in his mind and Khun’s. Bam decided to go for a more round-a-bout approach.

“Hey, Khun?”

A wordless grumble of acknowledgement. Bam scooted closer to Khun so that he was only a few inches from the other boys’ thigh.

“So, what’s your favorite flower?”

“…Bam you’re literally about to start a war with Jahad. No one is getting flowers anytime soon, expect from Dowon. And those’ll fucking kill you.”

Bam squeezed Khun’s hand, practically felt some of the hostility drain from the blue-haired boy.

“…I like spider lilies, red ones,” Khun grumbled. Of course, Khun liked those creepy little flowers that symbolized goodbyes, Bam sighed internally. “And sunflowers,” Khun added quickly, as if he were somehow embarrassed by liking them. He looked so cute, chin tucked against his knee, trying to hide himself from Bam and totally failing. “…they remind me of you,” the light-bearer admitted shyly.

He took a sharp, thrilled breath—he couldn’t believe Khun liked something just because it reminded him of Bam. Behind his fringe of icy hair, Khun tried to hide a giggle. Khun must have noticed exactly how excited that made Bam. Whatever, he was fine with being a dork if it made Khun smile.

“I like hydrangeas, blue ones especially, I’ve seen some that are the same color as your hair,” Bam said, smiling like someone had just injected him with pure dopamine. “And those pink ones, the cherry blossoms—you would look so great against a cherry blossom tree.”

“When are we going to get a chance to see cherry blossom trees blooming?” Khun’s voice was soft, but there was something like resigned misery in it.

“After we rescue Jinsung,” Bam said matter-of-factly, “We’re going on a vacation,” he announced. His voice was so confident that he could see it startle Khun.  

Khun smiled, but the light-bearer was still hiding behind his bangs, “You know that guy used to kill people from the ten families on sight?”

Bam sighed, “Everyone says that, but he’s really mellowed out—he’s a good guy. It’ll be fun! I can finally take you shopping, you can make fun of Jinsung for buying me tacky shirts, we can get ice cream—I swear, I could just watch you lick ice cream cones for hours—”

“I’ll get fat if all I do is eat ice cream to get you off,” Khun said a little tartly, “I thought I had the weird fetishes here.”

Bam poked Khun gently in the ribs, “Oi, your kinks aren’t weird. And we won’t just eat ice cream. I’m going to take you out to dinner, remember?”

Khun cocked his head so that he was looking up at Bam, cheek brushing his knee. The angle made Khun’s hair slide to his left, silky bangs falling nearly behind his left ear and finally exposing his eyes. They were just so blue, such a richly pigmented cobalt with such a fantastically reflective property. They took light so well that sometimes all Bam wanted to do was stare into Khun's and marvel at them. Khun’s voice was very soft and had an almost sweet undertone that Bam hadn’t heard before, “What’s your favorite gemstone?”

“I like the blue ones—sapphires, a lot,” he blushed for obvious reasons, “But I think opals are really cool, especially the pale ones.”

“…I like diamonds,” Khun said, voice still tender.

“Mmhmm,” Bam said, voice taking on a teasing edge, “You would want the most expensive one.”

A bright smile broke across Khun’s face and he elbowed Bam lightly, “Come over here,” Khun murmured, half into his knees, already blushing.

Bam slung an arm over Khun’s shoulders to pull him closer. He slid closer to Khun until they were finally pressed together in a long line from chest to hip. The light-bearer nuzzled his face into the hollow of Bam’s throat, sending a rush of heat down Bam’s spine. “Was that all it took to cheer you up?” Bam asked in the same light, airy voice, “Offering to get you a diamond?”

“Shut up, Bam,” Khun grumbled into his chest.

The darker haired boy pressed a kiss to the crown of Khun’s head, “Can’t help it, you’re too cute.”

“Baaam, stop it!”

Bam sighed. He raised his free hand and gently cupped Khun’s chin, tilting his face up so that Bam could study it. “How do you feel?” Bam asked again.

Khun started to scowl, then Bam saw a fleeting realization cross his face—he shouldn’t be scowling, Bam was just trying to help and it was okay to talk about your feelings with your partner. Then Khun’s face pulled into an almost pleading frown, “I don’t know,” Khun finally said, “Raw—that was a good word, I guess. I feel…bad, I mean, happy because you’re here, but…worried.” Khun looked like he was thinking hard about something, it took him a long minute to share it, “Do you really think you aren’t special?”

That was so not the question Bam had been expecting.

“I—I don’t know, Khun. It’s just…she believes that I took something from her, I don’t know, maybe it was something she really was entitled to? I don’t understand her, I never did. I’m really just thinking out loud, Khun. She said she knew Arlene, maybe she knows what Arlene really wanted and it has nothing to do with me.”

“That—that wasn’t what I meant, Bam,” Khun raised just his eyes to look, almost pleadingly at Bam, “Do you think you aren’t special? This FUG prophecy, or whatever, do think that’s the only reason you’re special?”

Bam blinked at him, so startled that he just blurted out, “It is.” His hand dropped from Khun’s face to fall limply on the bed.  

“Bam…” Khun said softly, suddenly looking sad.

“Wait, is that what you’re upset about?”

Khun sighed, “It was one of the things, yeah.”

“Mind enlightening me?”

“I hate talking about her,” the light-bearer said, tone close to petulant, “It’s exhausting.” Then his voice softened, some secret fear had crept into it, “I didn’t want to talk about the visions—it freaked me out that Hwaryun understood about the house.”

Bam could understand that, it was hard to be vulnerable—it was hard enough for Khun to relax just around him. He rubbed Khun’s shoulder as though he were trying to warm Khun up, “It’s alright, Khun, honestly, she really does creep me out too sometimes.”

The light-bearer nuzzled his nose beneath Bam’s chin and laughed.

“Anything else?” Bam asked.

“…one last thing,” Khun murmured into Bam’s throat. “…I didn’t know that you talked to her, after the hidden floor.”

Bam sighed. He felt Khun stiffen against him and said quickly, “It’s okay, Khun, I don’t mind talking about it. I—I don’t know why I didn’t think to tell you, except that it…hurt.”

“What do you mean?”

“…After we got back, I slept for a while, just recovering. When I woke up,” Bam swallowed hard, “You were already in that glass box. Beta was in your lighthouse as an item on the hidden floor, but when we got back to the train he was able to take human form again. He told me Rak went to kill Rachel. Then he showed me…I saw the clip of when you collapsed, when she tried to blow your heart up.” His voice was suddenly thick with emotion, “I was asleep while you were—I didn’t even know where you were when I woke up on the train. And I wasn’t even there with you when it—I had to see a recording—”

“Bam,” Khun breathed, he tried to pull himself upright, as if he wanted to see Bam’s face. But Bam tightened his arm around Khun’s shoulder and pressed the slighter man closer to his chest. He rested his face at the crown of Khun’s head. Bam nuzzled at Khun’s hair with his nose, taking comfort in the familiar scent of his conditioner.

“Hold on, it’s, it’s hard for me,” Bam murmured. He took a deep breath, “I went to stop Rak. She had Yura and White with her, and I wasn’t going to let her hurt anyone else. I got there in time to stop Rak from barging in by himself. Androssi and Beta distracted White for me. Rachel just said that she hadn’t done anything wrong, she was just climbing the tower like everyone else. She said, I’ll never feel as desperate as she does—and that’s why I can ‘act’ like I have friends,” Bam scoffed. “She said that I ‘stole’ everything from her, that it wasn’t ‘fair,’ for the rules to apply to her, because she’s weak.”

“…how did you feel?” Khun whispered.

“Angry,” Bam hissed between clenched teeth, “Numb, devastated—I didn’t know if there was anyway to wake you up. I—I cried and I’m sure Rachel thought it was because of her, because of what she’d pushed me to,” he sneered, “But if I—If I hadn’t given her a chance to follow us to the hidden floor—if I hadn’t tried to play ‘fair’ with her about the thorns, she might not have hurt you.” He kissed the top of Khun’s head fiercely, “I knew who she was, and I still gave her a chance. If I hadn’t been so naive, you wouldn’t have been hurt. So, I told her to stay away from me, because if she hurts anyone of mine again, I may have to kill her.”

“…Before, Bam, when we were talking to Hwaryun, you said that you would kill her, not that you ‘might.’”

“Because now, I will.” Bam whispered, “I love you. I did then too, but I wasn’t sure how you felt and I didn’t realize—didn’t understand, how good it feels to love you, to have you in my arms, just smiling at you feels like…It’s like I don’t just belong to myself anymore, I belong to you too—if you’ll have me, and it changes everything, like the world shifted just a little bit and everything is just at a different angle now.”

Khun twisted in his arms to kiss him. It startled Bam at first. But suddenly he had a lapful of Khun, the light-bearer’s pale hands were on his shoulders—fisted in Bam’s shirt. Khun was holding him so tightly, as if he were afraid Bam would just float away.

His light-bearer pulled back for a moment, lips brushing Bam’s. Khun breathed, “I love you too,” against his mouth.

Oh.

Bam surged forward, kissing Khun fiercely in return. He bit Khun’s lower lip gently, making Khun open his mouth to make a small, eager sound. Bam took advantage of that opening and deepened the kiss, tongue sliding against Khun’s. Bam fisted one hand in Khun’s pale hair and wrapped his other arm low on Khun’s waist so that he could press his hand to the small of Khun’s back and urge him closer. The light-bearer didn’t need the encouragement, he was straddling Bam’s thighs and had practically plastered himself to Bam’s chest.

As Bam worked his mouth against Khun’s, savoring the taste of him, the heat of his mouth, the little hitches of his breath as Bam kissed him. His own dick was half hard already, and he could feel Khun’s erection pressing lightly against his stomach.

“Shower, let’s take a shower,” Khun gasped as he broke the kiss. He was already flushed an icy pink and with his mused hair, he looked like he’d been in the middle of being thoroughly fucked. The thought made Bam want to grab Khun by the hair and drag him back for another kiss.

Instead, he blinked up at the blue-haired boy, mind snapping back from sex to reality, “What?” was the best he could manage.

‘I want to suck your dick and I’m picky about giving blowjobs, so consider yourself lucky.”

Bam already thought he was the most blessed being in the tower, so he didn’t know how he could be any luckier. He let Khun tug him off the bed and pull him towards the bathroom. He looked at his hand in Khun’s, at the way Khun had tangled their fingers together and felt a dopey grin break across his own face.

Suddenly, Khun stopped short. He wasn’t looking at Bam, his face was downcast, and he looked unsure. “Bam? Are you…Are you sure about…letting her go?”

He sighed happily, “Yes, Khun. I’m—” he laughed, “I’m the most sure about it. Besides, she’ll end up chasing me anyway,”

“What? Why?” Khun asked.

Bam slung an arm over Khun’s shoulder, tugged him close. The movement left Khun off balance and he stumbled slightly, ending up leaning back against Bam’s broader chest. Lips brushed the shell of Khun’s ear and for a moment, Bam just drank up the way Khun shuddered under his mouth—even somewhere so benign as his ear. Bam took a hitched little breath and drawled, “Because I’m a star, baby.”

That got a bright, startled burst of laughter from Khun.

Chapter Text

It occurred to Bam, that’d he been spending a lot of time in the shower lately. It was a good place to be though, especially when he was sharing it with a certain light-bearer. Khun had turned the water on high, stripped languidly as clouds of steam started to roll through the air.

“C’mon, Bam,” Khun said eagerly, he slid open the glass door to the shower and glanced over his shoulder, eyes smoldering, to call, “Do you need help with the little ties on the shirt?”

Bam’s lips twitched into a smile, Khun must really like this shirt. He’d have to buy more of them.

But he stripped the shirt off, then Bam thought of something—something profound he’d never really gathered the courage to ask Khun. “Khun,” He said, voice tentative, “What…what happened to you after I died? I know you split from Shibisu at some point, but—”

Khun just stared at him.

Bam literally watched the teasing sparkle in Khun’s blue eyes drain away. He looked a little peevish as he asked, “Why do you always have to bring up reality right before we start having sex?”

“I don’t always,” Bam said gently, “We’ve only done that once, really, or once-ish.”

“You’re avoiding the question.”

Bam rubbed the back of his neck, was Khun right? He wasn’t doing it on purpose. But…maybe he did. Maybe he was still trying to integrate Khun’s reality with his—they’d never really talked about how Khun had lived while Bam was ‘dead.’ When they were finally reunited, the light-bearer had totally discarded the last six years, brushing them off as something akin to a bad dream. It had comforted Bam at the time, given him the strength to keep climbing. But the truth was, he had missed so much.

Maybe he was finally coming to terms with that. He wondered if Khun would have a similar moment of disorientation, when it finally hit him that he’d missed two years of Bam’s life. Now all he had to do was try to compress that complex thought into a few words.

“When I came back to you, you acted like we hadn’t skipped a beat. And it made me feel…like I belonged,” Bam sighed, feeling way out of his own psychological depth, “I don’t know why it’s just hitting me now—maybe it’s because you’re finally awake. I missed so much of your life,” his gaze flickered to Khun and he realized the light-bearer had been watching him the whole time. “I’m not trying to be difficult,” he admitted, “But I guess I kind of am, complicating things.”

The bathroom was getting even steamier. Bam stripped out of his pants unselfconsciously. He wanted to reassure Khun that nothing could keep him from sharing a shower with his lover.

“I don’t like talking about it,” Khun sighed. He slipped into the shower and Bam followed a moment later. He watched Khun adjust the water temperature, then slip under the stream of water with a sigh. Khun basked in the water, wetting his hair, throwing coy glances over his shoulder to make sure Bam was watching him.

He was watching. But he wasn’t going to let Khun wriggle out of the conversation, “I know, but I love you. The fact that I missed six years of your life bothers me,” Bam admitted. Then he had a better idea, “Turn around, let me wash your hair.”

Khun gave him a suspicious look, “You’re just trying to play with my hair to get me to relax.”

Bam grinned fondly at his boyfriend, “You say that like I’m trying to get Khun family secrets out of you.” He took a step forward and looped his arms around Khun’s shoulders. “I’m just trying to talk to my boyfriend.”

Still frowning, Khun let Bam spin him around, let Bam pressing the slighter man against his chest.

Bam reached for the rosemary scented shampoo and squirted a generous amount into one hand. He began to massage it through Khun’s hair, carding his fingers through those fine, silken strands.

Khun sighed, but he started to talk. “I didn’t stay with Shibisu and the rest of our team long. I told him what I suspected, and I urged him to keep climbing without me. I didn’t want her around our friends, I didn’t want anyone else hurt because of…anyway, we split up. Rak went off with Paracule and formed his own team.”

Bam felt Khun exhale and started to feel the light-bearer relax, slowly, against him. It was almost like Khun’s spine loosened one vertebra at a time—as if it cost him something just to let go of the tension and wariness he kept balled inside.

“Without you,” Khun mumbled, “he and I just bickered—we just don’t work without you. So, I let him go…if we stayed together, we would have just picked each other raw. And besides, he couldn’t have kept up the ruse with Rachel.”

Bam craned his neck to plant a kiss on Khun’s throat, the light-bearer made a small, pleased sound and Bam kept trailing kisses up his neck while his hands worked through Khun’s hair.

“I left with Rachel and met up with Ran and Novick first. I told Ran my plan and my suspicions. He understood. We started to build up a new team. I recruited Apple, she suggested Michael,” Khun rolled his eyes, “I can’t wait to kill those fuckers.”

“When we find them, they’re all yours,” Bam said soothingly. Khun’s hair was so thick with lather that Bam was just massaging his scalp at this point.

“That’s pretty much it, Bam. Dan was the last person I recruited and,” he shrugged, “Rachel made her move, and that was it for the team.”

“Did you do anything else?” Bam asked, “That must have been so lonely, Khun.”

He felt Khun tense a little against him. “Of course, it was…everything was lonely without you. All I did was try to plan around her. Revenge was the only thing that kept me going, I guess. It really was just like a long, bad dream. I still read, I guess, but I can’t remember finding any new books that really stuck with me. I watched tv, but I can’t even remember what shows,” Khun’s voice had dropped to a low murmur. “It felt like this…this part of me, a new, better part of me, died when you did. All I wanted was to feel something, any sensation to remind me that I was still alive so I didn’t just slip away into the nightmare.”

“Khun…” Bam breathed, “I’m so sorry,” he wrapped his arms around Khun’s shoulders and held him close. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Khun arched his neck back to nuzzle his cheek against Bam’s, “I put you through the same thing.”

“It’s not the same,” Bam said, voice hushed and earnest. “Later, if you want, I’ll tell you everything I did while you were asleep.”

Khun grinned at him, “I’m going to guess…a lot of crying and furtive masturbation.”

Bam laughed, “And fighting, I’d just keep going until I collapsed. I did anything to keep myself from having to just be alone and thinking about you.”

“Me too,” Khun whispered, “But, um,” his face flushed, and it wasn’t just the heat, “I focused on other types, of, you know, physical activity…I had a thing going with Novick,” Khun said sullenly, “It was just a friends with benefits type arrangement. He tied me up and, um, sometimes we’d do it and sometimes he just tied me up and left me there.”

“But isn’t that dangerous, Khun? What if you’d gotten hurt?” Bam knew it was a silly thing to say, he knew Khun could take care of himself (mostly) and that when Khun did get hurt, it was usually because he’d followed Bam somewhere dangerous.

“I can take care of myself,” The light-bearer said, sounding very pleased with himself. Bam had a feeling he was not going to like how Khun followed that statement up. “How do you think Chang lost that eye?” Khun drawled, voice husky and eyes sparkling with feral cheer.

“Ah,” Bam blinked, “What now?”

The blue haired boy shrugged, he tried to slip around Bam to get directly under the shower head. But Bam held Khun tightly, savoring the feel of Khun’s slick skin against his. “No way, I get to rinse your hair,” Bam said, lips brushing Khun’s ear. He craned his neck to trace his mouth lower down Khun’s ear until he could bite down on the light-bearer’s earlobe. Khun’s breath hitched as he gasped Bam’s name in a breathless rush.

Bam angled them so that Khun was beneath the stream of hot water. He ran his fingers through Khun’s hair, rinsing the shampoo from his locks. The way the rosemary scent of his shampoo mingled with the hot steam made the whole bathroom feel like some kind of hidden oasis, rather than just a room on an airship.

A hot, possessive instinct seized Bam and he tugged on Khun’s hair as he watched the iridescent bubbles of shampoo trickle down the other boy’s back. “Now tell me how you managed to maim someone during sex?” Bam’s voice was low, but Khun tensed a little under his fingers, so he knew Khun heard him over the rush of hot water.

“Ah,” Khun gave a choked laugh, “Well, he did something we didn’t negotiate for, he crossed a boundary, and I stabbed him.” He wiped water from his eyes and blinked innocently over his shoulder at Bam, “I wasn’t going for the eye.”

“What did he do?”

Khun fidgeted, clearly a little uncomfortable. Bam kissed the crown of his head and reached for the conditioner. He poured some into his hands, taking a deep breath of the herbaceous, basil scented product, before he started to run it through Khun’s hair. As Bam’s fingers trailed through the light-bearer’s hair, Bam felt Khun relax against him again.

“Mmm, Bam, let me do your hair,” Khun whined, rolling his head back onto Bam’s shoulder to smile at him, “And you know you don’t need to use that much conditioner right?”

Bam grinned back, “Yeah, but it smells so good, and I love touching your hair.” He felt the shiver than ran down Khun’s spine and it just fed the desire growing inside him to absolutely wreck Khun. He wanted to map every shudder, every shiver, every hitch of Khun’s breath to a particular part of his light-bearer’s body, so that he could play Khun like an instrument—draw whatever sound he wanted from Khun whenever he wanted to hear it.

They switched positions so that Khun could wash Bam’s hair. Khun was only a few centimeters shorter than Bam, so he had no trouble wetting Bam’s hair under the rush of hot water. Bam loved feeling Khun’s arms draped around his broader shoulders, gasped when Khun ran his teeth down the sensitive skin at the back of his neck.

As Khun washed Bam’s hair with the same sweet-scented shampoo, he said, “You know I like rougher stuff…”

“Yeah,” Bam sighed happily, “But did we do anything that rough last night? I know I marked you up, but does that count as rough?”

“It does for me,” Khun practically purred in Bam’s ear. He carded his fingers through Bam’s hair. “But sometimes I like things a little kinkier, I guess. I, um, I like knife-play—”

“You mean with knives, like sex with knives?” Bam said dumbly, it had just spilled out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

Khun giggled and Bam felt like a dork again. Khun massaged the shampoo into Bam’s scalp, practically feeding on the dark-haired man’s contented sighs. “Yeah, with knives, it’s just about the threat of the knife, you don’t really use it much,” Khun said, voice light and easy, as if he were discussing what he wanted to pick up at the grocery store. “So, I was doing that with Chang and the bastard blindfolded me and flipped me onto my stomach.

“Jesus, Khun!” Bam growled, a little surprised by how gravely his voice was and how furious he sounded. “I’m going to kill that bastard—”

“Bam!” Khun interrupted him, laughing and obviously a little pleased by how jealous Bam sounded, “It’s fine, he already lost an eye over it.”

That settled Bam down a little, in that moment he’d been so outraged on Khun’s behalf that he’d forgotten the opening of the little story.

“I said no fucking blindfolds, but you give that guy an inch and he takes a mile,” Bam was pretty sure he could feel Khun rolling his eyes. Then Khun admitted, “I keep a knife in my hair, and I was pissed so I just grabbed it and stabbed in his general direction.” Khun dropped the matter-of-fact tone and actually sounded a little sheepish, “I didn’t mean to stab him in the eye though.”

“Wait, you keep a knife in your hair?”

When Khun was satisfied with the state of Bam’s hair, he reached for the conditioner and started to massage it into Bam’s scalp. “Yeah, that blue bandana? It’s made of a unique cloth that’ll turn stiff and sharp if you know how to manipulate it.”

Bam felt a sudden rush of pride. His light-bearer was extremely dangerous, not just from a distance, but Khun could protect himself in close quarters too. But that rush was followed by worry and a hint of panic, “Is that—is sex always that…violent for you? Or—”

“No,” Khun mumbled against Bam’s neck, “Just sometimes, I like some things… I was pretty reckless after you ‘died,’ though. Ah, in hindsight, I’m lucky I didn’t get myself hurt.”

He turned in Khun’s arms so that he could pull Khun close to his chest and kiss his forehead. He thought back to the floor of tests for a moment, if he had known that it would cost him his own ‘life,’ would he had insisted on Rachel joining them for the last test? If he had known what it would do to Khun? The thought made him want to sigh, he knew better than to chase hypotheticals. And the question itself was a false equivalency, he had been a child, he hadn’t understood the cruelty of the world, of the tower.  

The only thing he could have done to help Rachel was keep her out of the tower entirely. And maybe even that thought was just arrogance.

Whatever had happened, it was over, just water under the bridge.

Just like whatever Khun had up to while Bam had been ‘dead.’ He hadn’t even been dating Khun for seventy-two hours, he had no right to be jealous at all about Khun’s actual sexual history (compared to Bam’s years of furtive masturbation and crying).  But logic didn’t really help temper the flood of possessiveness and jealousy that overcame him. He hated the idea of Khun mourning for him alone, spending his nights alone or with questionable company for years. For a moment he had a sudden, terrible urge to ask how many of Bam’s friends, acquaintances, and enemies Khun had actually slept with. But that would just make Khun defensive, and Bam…didn’t really need to know. It was Khun’s business, he’d share if he wanted to. He wasn’t willing to upset Khun over something so petty. And besides, Khun absolutely his now.

“Did you like it?”

“Stabbing him in the eye?”

That made Bam laugh, “No, I mean, did you at least enjoy some of the sex you had…before me.”

Khun cocked his head and just looked at him for a moment. When it was wet, Khun’s hair looked much darker, nearly the same rich cobalt as his eyes. And without his bangs to distract the eye, his eyes seem even bigger and bluer. Even his eyelashes were a little darker. Against all those rich blues, his skin seemed even paler, tinted pink all over from the steam of the shower. “I guess,” Khun finally admitted, “Some of it felt good. But…” his eyes grew distant.

“Did you love anyone of them?” Bam asked, and he felt silly for not asking it sooner. It was really the only question that mattered.

“No,” Khun said it immediately, and his tone said plainly that it had been a silly question. He met Bam’s eyes, and a smile broke across the blue haired boy’s face. It was a rare smile, sweet and guileless. It made Bam wonder who Khun might have been if he hadn’t been born into such demanding circumstances—who Khun might have been in a softer world.

He loved Khun exactly the way he was—cold, calculating, dangerous, and cruel when the occasion called for it. But the more Bam saw of this sweeter, softer Khun, the more he wanted him. This was the Khun who wore reading glasses in bed beside him, who hogged the covers at night, who had smiled like Bam had plucked the moon from the sky when all Bam had done was offer him a cold can of coffee in the morning. Bam realized suddenly that he had just been staring at Khun, staring for long enough that Khun was blinking at him, looking a little puzzled now.

“I love you,” Bam said swiftly, grinning because he fucking loved saying it.

Khun kissed him chastely, just a quick press of lips, and whispered, “I love you too, but it’s kind of hot that you’d be jealous over me.”

How could he not be? Had Khun seen himself? Bam knew that Khun was aware of exactly how gorgeous he was, but apparently, even someone as beautiful as Khun could feel insecure. It made Bam resolve to beat Khun’s father senseless after Khun was finished wiping the 111^th floor with Khun Eduan’s face. 

Suddenly he was directly beneath the spray of the shower head again. Khun spun them around, startling him and leaving him sputtering, “Khun!”

The light-bearer laughed, “You started looking all serious again.”

“Says you,” Bam scoffed good naturedly. He took the opportunity to rinse the conditioner out of his hair. Stretching his arms over his head and making a real show of enjoying the hot water. He glanced at Khun from the corner of his eye and saw the blue haired boy tracing Bam’s abdominal muscles with his blue eyes. When his hair was thoroughly rinsed, he grabbed the soap and gave Khun a predatory smile, “Now turn around.”

“Hold on, your switching genres!” Khun accused, but he let Bam spin him around, press the light-bearer’s back against his chest.

Bam leaned over Khun’s shoulder to kiss his temple, “You read too many prison AUs.”

Khun started to grumble, but Bam started to wash his back, the scent of sage and pine soap filling the air, complimenting the herbaceous scents that had already permeated the bathroom. Khun’s grumble peeled into a contended sigh as Bam lathered the soap across his back, gently kneading his thumbs into the tense muscles around Khun’s neck. When Bam hit a tender spot, Khun’s breath hitched as his exhale dissolved into a soft moan.

Then Bam dragged the soap across Khun’s chest. He worked up a good lather and started properly washing Khun’s chest and his arms. The light-bearer was soft and plaint in his arms.

Bam made sure his hands were slick and sudsy when he slipped one hand down to cup Khun’s ass, keeping the other looped around Khun’s shoulders.

When his fingers slipped between Khun’s ass cheeks, Khun yelped, “Bam?”

“Hush,” Bam murmured, a smile playing on his lips, “I’m not going to fuck you yet…I just wanted to make sure you’re squeaky clean for me…this is how to do that, right?”

Khun gasped when Bam’s finger found the tight hole between his cheeks. Bam gently massaged the soap around the tender area. “Y-Yeah,” Khun stammered, “The soap’s super mild, so you can, um, keep doing what you’re doing.”

Bam sighed, a pleased rumble that vibrated through his chest. He glanced down the line of Khun’s body, noticed his cock twitching and already half-hard. He rinsed off the bar of soap before dragging it across Khun’s ass, leaving a trail of suds. He put the soap on the shelf and then returned to Khun’s incredible backside. He slid a soapy finger between Khun’s cheeks again, swirling it around his puckered hole.

“You can,” Khun gasped, “You can put just the tip of your finger in.”

He leaned over and clamped his teeth on the muscle between Khun’s neck and his shoulder, biting hard. Bam was curious how Khun would react—if it was too much pain with too little foreplay. Khun whined, head rolling back against Bam’s shoulder to expose his face. His blue eyes were suddenly unfocused, hazy and his mouth had dropped into a small o. Bam grinned, kissed Khun’s cheek, “I love the way you react to me, Khun,” he whispered, “You’re so good for me.”

A shiver ran down Khun’s spine and Bam felt it, dick twitching to life.

Bam used the arm that had been holding Khun in place to reach for the soap. He started washing Khun’s chest while he traced lazy circles around Khun’s asshole. As he got lower and lower on Khun’s torso, Khun couldn’t hold back an eager sound.

“Mmm, Khuuuuun,” Bam teased, “You’re so eager for me.”

The light-bearer snapped, “Don’t—don’t get ahead of yourself! I have a plan and we are sticking to it.”

“What’s the plan?” Bam whispered against Khun’s cheek.

“I’m going to give you the best blowjob of your life and then…Well then I’ll—”

“You want my cock in your mouth that badly?” Bam purred. He slowly pressed the tip of his index finger into the tight ring of Khun’s asshole, drawing a sharp, startled sound from his light-bearer. With his other hand, he put the soap back on the shelf and then reached for Khun’s cock. As soon as his fingers wrapped around Khun, the blue haired boy gasped his name. Khun arched against him as Bam started to stroke him in earnest. Bam stared down the line of Khun’s body, watching his cock swell and harden in Bam’s hand. He loved looking at Khun from this angle. There was something wildly erotic about seeing his own hand wrapped around Khun’s pale, pretty cock while Khun buried his face against Bam’s neck and made helpless, needy sounds for him.

“Yes,” Khun finally murmured, “I really wanna know what your cum tastes like.”

That sent a spike of heat down Bam’s spine and just like that, his cock was hard. It throbbed against the cleft of Khun’s ass, just above his fingers playing against Khun’s asshole.

“Hold on, hold on,” Khun whined, “let’s just finish washing off, please? I don’t want to fuck in the shower.”

Bam immediately drew his finger from inside Khun and dragged his other hand off Khun’s cock and back to his stomach, “Whatever you say, Khun,” Bam said sincerely, kissing Khun’s cheek, his forehead, his neck.

“Just get washed up,” Khun said, voice still husky, “Quickly.”

Bam felt a little disappointed, but the thought of an impending blowjob blew that brief feeling away. He washed himself off with the soap and rinsed himself off. Khun practically pushed him out of the shower to finish cleaning himself. Bam didn’t mind waiting for his boyfriend. He grabbed a towel for himself and wrapped his hair in it. Then he set two towels for Khun just outside the shower door.

When Bam’s hair was damp, rather than just plain wet, he used some of Khun’s mouse to make sure it dried smoothly, and hopefully with the same shiny bounce Khun’s hair had to it. Then he pulled it into a ponytail at the crown of his head.

Khun emerged from the shower and reached for his towels, wrapping one around his hair and one around his waist. Bam went to him. The urge to touch Khun felt like its own kind of gravitational pull. Khun giggled and let Bam press chaste little kisses down from his temple to his collar bone. Khun usually blow dried his hair, but tonight, he didn’t bother. As soon as his hair wasn’t dripping wet, he dropped the towel on the floor, grabbed Bam’s hand, and led the other man back into the bedroom.

“Sit on the edge of the bed,” Khun ordered.

Bam did. He wasn’t going to argue with Khun about who was doming who when a blowjob was imminent. He sat, feeling suddenly self-conscious about his nudity—even though Khun was naked too and sex was impending. He’d just felt a little more confident earlier, when Khun had been like putty in his hands.

The light-bearer didn’t leave him much time to think. Khun put a hand on both of Bam’s knees and leaned over him to glance down into his face.

“You alright?” Khun asked, head cocked and eyes suddenly very wide and very honest. The way Khun could shift between sweet, nail bitingly sexy, and adorable was always too fast for Bam to follow and always left his head spinning in the most fantastic way.

He grinned dopily up at Khun and nodded. Khun smiled back, some dark knowledge started trickling into his eyes.

Khun slid down to sit on his knees between Bam’s legs.

For a long moment, Bam just stared at Khun sitting, almost primly, on his knees between Bam’s spread legs, “Won’t that hurt your knees?” Bam asked, “I can lie down or—”

“That’s the point,” Khun said, voice low with a thread of heated excitement running through it. He slid his hands up Bam’s calves, his touch like something electric against Bam’s skin—or maybe Bam was just too hard already to even think straight. When Khun’s hands wrapped around Bam’s knees, he jerked them apart—roughly spreading Bam’s legs wider, making him gasp.

“Besides,” the light-bearer murmured, almost demurely, “You’ll have a better view this way.”

In spite of his careful voice, there was something predatory in the way Khun’s gaze swept across him. Blue eyes roving up his body, starting from between his legs and ending at Bam’s flushed face. Bam propped his hands on the bed behind him, stretching his torso out and letting him spread his legs wider—giving Khun more room to work.

Khun drawled, “Don’t look so nervous,” he licked a long stripe up Bam’s hipbone, sending a shiver down Bam’s spine that made his cock twitch. Khun noticed, licking his lips before he blinked back up at Bam, “I won’t bite.”

Bam gave a choked laugh, “You absolutely will bite.”

Big, blue eyes flickered to his. Khun looked at him from beneath a fringe of still dark, damp lashes. His mouth was still on Bam’s hipbone. Bam was watching the light-bearer like he was some miracle of nature and science. Khun smirked and said, hamming it up, “only if I feel trapped.”

He laughed, then made a strangled sound between a giggle and a yelp when Khun scraped his teeth against the crest of his hipbone. “S-Stop making me laugh,” Bam stammered, “I might get my ass kicked by a ranker tomorrow, this is supposed to be passionate, goodbye sex.” He was only half-joking.

Khun’s eyes flickered between Bam’s face and his dick, “You know, sex can be fun too.”

“Well, yeah but—”

“Just let me guide the train this time,” Khun teased, “If I need help being a cute sad-boy jerking it in a cave for six years, I’ll ask you.”

Bam couldn’t exactly argue, but he did raise an eyebrow and say, “You’re going to asking me for a lot in like twenty minutes.” His voice was a little higher and breathier than he’d wanted it to be.

“Future Khun’s problem,” Khun said lazily, switching to lick and nibble at his other hipbone.

He pressed his cheek against Bam’s hip, gaze fixed on Bam’s cock. His mouth was so close that Bam could feel Khun’s breath on his dick. It made Bam gasp, spread his legs as wide as he could, hips twitching eagerly. Khun rolled his eyes up to gaze at Bam. The blue haired man was looking at him with a pleased smirk, blinking innocently at him from beneath his pale lashes.

The light-bearer maintained eye contact while he deliberately brushed the shaft of Bam’s dick with his lips and exhaled slowly.

Khun Augero Agnis was going to be the death of him.

Bam wanted to look away for a moment, regain some composure. But Khun’s eyes had gone dark—his pupils blown wide so that there was only a thin, brilliant ring of blue around them. Bam found himself sort of hypnotized, he couldn’t bring himself to break their gaze. Khun liked whatever he saw in his Bam’s face, though. Bam watched something primal and pleased spark in his blue eyes. Bam inhaled sharply, breath stuttering as he looked at Khun.

Khun licked his own lips, making a show of dragging his pink tongue across his full lower lip.

“Mmmm,” he murmured, “Your voice is so pretty, Bam.” His voice was low and husky, it was hot as hell to hear him sounding so…in control. Bam had heard Khun’s voice hit this register when he had wonderful, awful ideas for their enemies, when he’d issue certain commands that would end in Khun winning the game.

“Jesus, Khun, please?” Bam whined again.

Khun made a show of licking up the shaft of Bam’s dick like it was popsicle.

Bam couldn’t stop himself from throwing his head back and making a full-throated sound, something between a groan and a whimper. Khun dug his fingers into Bam’s knees, drawing Bam’s gaze back to him.

The light-bearer finally took Bam in his hand and leaned a little closer so that he could swipe his tongue across the head of Bam’s cock. Khun swirled his tongue around the head, tracing the underside of it in a long stroke. Then his tongue drifted back to the tip of Bam’s cock. Khun licked it like it was his favorite flavor of ice-cream. He dragged his tongue along the slit, coaxing little pearls of salty pre-cum from Bam. 

“God, Khun, just suck it,” Bam groaned. He fisted his hands in the sheets, suddenly remembering how it felt to card his fingers through Khun’s silky hair and pull hard. He’d wait a little before he did that—he liked knowing that he had a trump card, something that was guaranteed to make Khun’s eyes roll back in his head. Besides, Khun’s hair was still damp and slicked back from his face. It gave Bam a perfect view of his pretty little mouth.

Khun smirked at him, he maintained eye contact while he licked Bam’s dick from root to tip again. He pulled back to rest one of his elbows on Bam’s knee and lick his lips again while he blinked up at Bam, “You don’t like this?”

Bam groaned and bucked his hips gently, “God, Khun, watching you is driving me crazy.”

A wide, predatory grin broke across Khun’s face, teeth flashing as they caught the light. “Good.” He slid back down between Bam’s knees, keeping both hands on them this time. He arched his back and leaned closer to Bam. He took just the head of Bam’s cock into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks to suck on it. While Khun sucked, he managed to keep his tongue swirling across him, caressing the slit at the tip and then sliding down to lavish attention on that spot where the thick veins of his shaft met the head.

Bam couldn’t help flinging his head back, gritting his teeth to keep from wailing. Khun didn’t stop, didn’t show him any mercy. He just alternated between sucking and licking.

Khun pulled back with a wet popping sound that was positively obscene. Bam glanced down at Khun and wished he hadn’t, there was a wet string of saliva between Khun’s lips and Bam’s dick. Then Khun’s eyes fluttered up to meet his. Something almost competitive and determined flashed in Khun’s eyes.

His fingers dug into the soft flesh just above Bam’s knees. Then he lowered his head to take Bam again. His lips closed around the head of Bam’s cock. And this time, Khun’s lips just kept sliding lower, taking more and more of Bam into his mouth.

“Oh my god,” Bam gasped. He stared at Khun, watching the light-bearer take Bam one inch at a time—until Khun’s cheeks were hollowed and his eyes squeezed shut, tears gathering in the corners of them from the effort of taking all of him. Bam’s hips hitched involuntarily and Khun moaned around his dick. Bam’s eyes flew open, that felt incredible—making Khun whine around his cock. The vibration of Khun’s voice sent a hot spike of pleasure down Bam’s spine. That pleasure seemed to surge through his entire body, setting every nerve on fire, suddenly it was all too much, and he needed more.

Bam finally felt his cock hit the back of Khun’s throat. He felt Khun start to gag and hold himself still by what seemed like sheer will power. He watched Khun’s face while the light-bearer gagged, experimentally twitched his hips and was rewarded by getting to watch sheer bliss transform Khun’s face, almost like seeing him through a veil of sex and pure sensation.

Khun started to suck, but Bam stopped him, sliding two fingers beneath Khun’s chin and urging the other man to look up at him. Khun obeyed the gesture, eyes flicking up to meet Bam’s. The light-bearer’s eyes were squeezed tight, just blue slits and fluttering lashes, and watering just from the effort of keeping all of Bam’s dick in his mouth. Khun’s hands on Bam’s knees had gone limp. Bam was looking for something, and he found it in the haze that had clouded Khun’s eyes, the tears sparkling at the corners of them, the hitched breath Khun took as their eyes met.

“Khun,” Bam’s voice had slipped into a low rumble, “Do you like this?”

The blue haired boy nodded as much as he could with a mouthful of Bam’s dick.

“Hn…” Bam kept his hips perfectly still as he shifted his weight onto one of his arms and reached for Khun’s head with the other one. He gently stroked Khun’s head, fingers sliding through his pale hair. It was drying, starting to fall around Khun’s pretty face, “Then suck.”

Khun’s eyes widened and all Bam could see in them was desire, need, and bliss. He obeyed, taking a moment to shift his weight so that all of it rested on his knees, his hands splayed limply on Bam’s thighs. Khun struggled a moment, fighting against his gag reflex, before he made a low, contented hum and started to suck in earnest.

Bam’s eyes rolled back in his head. He hadn’t meant to, but his fingers tightened in Khun’s hair—drawing a moan from him that Bam could actually feel. He knew he should wait a little longer, give Khun time to adjust but…he wanted to grab two fistfuls of Khun’s hair and fuck his mouth.

He held himself back, instead sliding his hand from Khun’s hair to cup his cheek, “You’re so good for me, Khun,” Bam murmured, not recognizing the bass rumble in his voice.

Blue eyes flickered eagerly to his. Khun’s eyes were totally clouded over with desire—the predatory gleam had drained away, leaving Khun eager and needy between his legs. Bam grinned, feeling it spread across his face and felt something greedy and just as eager bloom in his chest. Whatever Khun saw in his face, he liked it, hands flexing on Bam’s thighs while he gasped around Bam’s dick. “Now drop it,” Bam whispered.

Khun pulled off Bam’s cock, looking up at him with dazed, confused eyes. He didn’t say anything, just stared up at Bam with his mouth parted and those eager eyes.

“Tell me what you want,” Bam murmured, drawing his thumb down Khun’s cheekbone while he squeezed the blue-haired boy’s jaw tenderly.

“Your cock,” Khun whispered, “Please let me suck it again.”

“You wanna gag on it?”

Khun squirmed and the eagerness was written on his face. He was staring imploringly up at Bam, desperate for a cue to keep sucking, like he could barely wait to have Bam in his mouth again. “It feels good,” Khun’s voice was so raw and needy, “I can barely breath and all I feel is you.”

Oh.

Bam drew his hand from Khun’s cheek and wrapped his fingers around his own dick. Khun’s eyes blew wide. Bam traced Khun’s lips with the head of his cock, like his dick was a tube of lipstick, leaving them wet with saliva and sticky with precum. Then Bam tugged on Khun’s lower lip with his thumb, stretching it and scraping his nail on the inside of Khun’s lip. The light-bearer watched Bam the way a very masochistic bird might watch a snake, a little wary, but entirely enthralled.

“You’re so good for me, Khun,” Bam drawled.

He shifted his weight, freeing his other hand. Bam grabbed two fistfuls of Khun’s hair and gently thrust into his mouth. Khun made an eager sound, craning his neck to take more. Bam held him back by the hair, watched as Khun struggled against him, trying to suck him deeper. He controlled Khun by the hair, using his grip to slowly slide his cock into Khun’s mouth, ignoring Khun’s eager moans for more. Bam held himself back, sensing that they could stumble into a something new and hot and raw if he waited just a little longer.

When he hit the back of Khun’s throat again, he fought against the shudder than ran down his own spine. Khun squirmed between his legs as he adjusted to the sensation of being so full. Bam’s hips twitched and Khun gasped, cloudy eyes on Bam—as if he wouldn’t move or suck until Bam told him to.

That knowledge wrecked Bam, brought some primal urge to the forefront of his mind. He needed to feel Khun whine on his cock, wanted to watch Khun gag on it, feel Khun swallow him down.

He tightened his grip on Khun’s hair and experimentally pulled his dick out a little bit and then thrust into the light-bearer's mouth. He watched Khun gag a little, saliva gathering at the corners of his mouth, but he wriggled and moaned—urging Bam on with his eager little sounds and pleading eyes. Bam waited a moment before he thrust again, savoring Khun’s wrecked, needy expression, such an intense contrast to his usual frosty countenance. 

“You’re perfect, Khun,” Bam gasped, “So good for me.” He thrust hard and without warning.

Khun shuddered and gagged.

“I’m going to fuck your mouth, Khun.”

The light-bearer rolled his eyes up to Bam and nodded eagerly.

Bam exhaled slowly, he was so close to the edge already. He readjusted his grip in Khun’s hair, grabbing more of it too spread out the pressure—make sure he didn’t hurt Khun too much.

Then he started thrusting in earnest. Khun moaned around his cock and swirled his tongue around the head. Bam groaned and kept moving, fucking Khun’s mouth the same way he’d fucked his ass last night, with slow, sharp snaps of his hips.

He was so close. “Khun,” he gasped between ragged breaths, “I’m close…can you be good for me?”

Khun’s eyes, eager and needy, lashes damp with tears, rolled up to meet Bam’.

Bam sighed and jerked his hips again, watching the way Khun’s eyes rolled back in his head, the way Khun’s fingers went limp against his thighs, the way Khun moaned. He reveled in the wet heat of Khun’s mouth, every sound Khun made vibrated against his dick and pushed him closer to the edge.

He dragged his thumb down Khun’s cheek, loosening his grip on that silky hair for a moment, “Then swallow all of it…”

Bam started thrusting again, losing his rhythm as Khun kept making those needy fucking noises for him. His hips stuttered and he pulled Khun’s hair hard, burying himself deep in Khun’s mouth as he came. He felt Khun swallow convulsively over and over again as he drank Bam down. Bam’s entire body shuddered, the orgasm blazing through him, setting every nerve alight, making his toes curl as he groaned, spilling himself down Khun’s throat. For a moment, all Bam saw was light bursting behind his closed lids. When he opened his eyes, Khun was staring languidly up at him.

The light-bearer tapped on Bam’s thigh and Bam loosened his grip on Khun’s hair—letting Khun pull back off his cock.

Khun came away gasping. He hadn’t managed to swallow all of it, a thin string of cum smeared across his lips. His head dropped against Bam’s thigh as he kept taking short, shallow breaths. Bam reached down, cupping Khun’s face in both his hands and stretched Khun up onto his knees to kiss him thoroughly. He tasted his own salty cum in Khun’s warm mouth and licked the last, sticky drops off Khun’s lips. Bam broke the kiss to ask, “Good?”

“I love you, Bam,” Khun breathed, eyes still unfocused and dazed. His hair was a mess, he already looked like he’d been thoroughly fucked and Bam hadn’t even gotten started.

“You okay?” he stroked Khun’s hair gently, glanced down and saw Khun’s pretty cock, hard and pressed up against his own stomach.

“Mmhmm,” the blue haired boy hummed.

“Shoulda guessed you had a thing for chocking,” Bam said, half teasing and half watching to see how Khun reacted to the word ‘chocking.’

Khun’s eyes lit up and for a moment he looked like he was deep in his own thoughts, caught up in some fantasy. Then he blinked at Bam and a lazy, almost feline smile played along his wet, shining lips, “Yeah, you probably should have.”

“Come here, let me take care of you,” Bam murmured. He wrapped one arm under Khun’s ass and the other around his waist so that he could lift Khun off his knees. He could only imagine how stiff Khun’s legs would be after all that time on his knees. Bam took Khun’s weight like it was nothing. He shifted the slender man in his arms to carry Khun bridal style again, much to his light-bearer’s (barely disguised) delight.

He laid Khun gently down on the side of the bed, then crawled up the middle of the bed to lay beside him.

Khun rolled onto his side to face Bam. He nuzzled his nose against Bam’s, face flushed and adorable shade of icy pink, lips still shining and wet, eyes bright and utterly earnest.

Bam giggled, loving this gentle side of Khun and how unbelievably cute he could be. He was used to Khun being sexy as hell, but this cute side, this only seemed to come out when they were alone, only for Bam. He was hopelessly addicted to it.

The light-bearer was propped up on one elbow, his long, pale legs artfully stretched along the bed. His cock was partially hidden between his thighs, but Bam could see the tip of it glistening just slightly with precum. Khun noticed his gaze and a lazy smirk played across his lips. Bam felt Khun’s gaze like a warm weight as his own eyes flickered between Khun’s cock, his shiny lips, and his eyes.

Right, Khun was still waiting for him.

Bam scrambled to the other side of the bed and beckoned Khun’s lighthouse over started fishing around in it. He pulled out lube, hand sanitizer, wet wipes, a hand towel, and a bottle of water. He arranged everything on his own nightstand. Logically, Bam knew it’d be better to have everything on hand when he needed it later, but boy, nothing killed the momentum like laying it all out. Maybe he’d just run with it and set a granola bar on the nightstand in case he needed a mid-coital snack.

When Bam was satisfied that he had everything he’d need, his attention shifted back to Khun.

Khun was watching him from the bed like a bemused prince. He’d rolled into the middle of the bed, stretched on his back with his head pillowed on his own crossed arms. His cock was half-hard now, resting against one thigh, haloed by a thin patch of pale blue curls. His cock looked so pink against that ice blue hair, like something carved from soft, shining shell.

He hesitated, suddenly not sure where to position Khun. His favorite place to have Khun, so far, was just in his lap, Khun’s back snug against his chest. He figured he should probably experiment with new positions, he didn’t want to seem like a total rube (even though he was, and Khun knew it, and loved it).

Fuck it.

Bam crawled into the middle of the bed, leaning over Khun to kiss him thoroughly. He started gently, nibbling on Khun’s mouth, urging Khun to part his lips. When the blue haired boy eagerly opened them, Bam dove in, working his mouth against Khun’s. The other man made a low, needy sound against his mouth, catching Bam’s bottom lip between his teeth and tugging gently at it.

He pulled away to lean against the headboard and spread his legs, hopefully invitingly. “C’mere,” Bam said, gesturing to his lap, voice hushed and urgent.

The other man smirked at him, “Why should I?”

Bam’s eyes flickered between Khun’s eyes, pupils already blow wide, definitely ‘fuck me’ eyes and his cock, twitching eagerly against his thigh. A dozen answers of with various levels of sarcasm flew through his mind.

Khun spread his thighs a little, arching his back and exhaled an almost forlorn breath. Motherfucking tease.

It took Bam’s brain a moment to reset, shift from just wanting Khun, to wanting to carve his name into Khun’s body with his teeth, fingers, his cock.

He leaned over Khun, ran a hand gently through his pale hair, “Because I asked you nicely?” Bam murmured.

Khun hummed thoughtfully.

Bam craned his neck lower, brushing his lips against Khun’s ear. He breathed, “I can ask you not so nicely…” He felt a little shiver run down Khun’s neck, watched his lips drop into a small o. Khun was extremely good at playing games, but Bam thought he was pretty skilled at seeing through them by this point. “Don’t you want to be good for me?” Bam drawled, knowing what kind of reaction that’d get from Khun. He wasn’t disappointed, Khun’s breath caught, but he bit his lower lip, trying to hide it. He looked perfect and petulant.

Khun liked being ordered around, sometimes, by certain specific people, but he had a natural inclination to make everything as difficult as possible. And he wasn’t in the headspace yet to just hop on Bam’s dick. But Bam could work with that.

“Make me,” Khun whispered, breath ghosting against Bam’s cheek.

He did two things at once. He fisted his fingers in Khun’s hair and bit Khun’s earlobe—hard. Khun gasped, arching his back. He used the grip on Khun’s hair to pull him upright, yanking until Khun had to slide his arms beneath his shoulders to take some of his weight because it actually hurt. Bam could see the pain in Khun’s blue eyes, saw little tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. And he saw how much more Khun wanted.

Bam slid his hand from Khun’s hair down his neck, tracing Khun’s pale skin with his nails—leaving little red lines behind. He stopped at Khun’s shoulder, grabbing it roughly and hissing in Khun’s ear, “safe word?”

Khun cocked his head, stared at Bam for a moment, letting him see the sudden confusion in his eyes—as if he was already half-gone and he couldn’t quite parse what Bam had said. He grabbed Khun’s hip with his other hand and tugged Khun hard, dragging the blue haired boy forcibly into his lap as Khun breathlessly yelped his name—urging Bam on.

He hooked his knees under Khun’s pale legs and spread his own—spreading Khun wide with the motion. He wrapped one arm around Khun’s shoulders, pressing the slighter boy’s body tight against his own. His cock was still soft, but it fit perfectly in the cleft of Khun’s ass. His other hand settled at the back of Khun’s neck, gripping it firmly and making Khun’s breath hitch. He could feel every breath Khun took, feel Khun’s breathing start to get faster, more eager. Bam shifted slightly, pulling himself to rest more comfortably against the headboard. He wanted to be able to murmur filthy things in Khun’s ear without straining his own neck.

Bam pressed a swift kiss to Khun’s temple and squeezed the back of his neck, “Safe word, Khun?” He repeated, then he grinned against Khun’s cheek, “I don’t want to get stabbed, after all.”

Khun started to laugh but the sound twisted into a breathy moan when Bam used his grip on Khun’s neck to force Khun to roll his head back, stretching his neck into a long, pale line. Bam bit down on the tender flesh just below Khun’s jaw.

When Bam pulled back, kissing the spot he’d just bitten, Khun murmured, “It’s daddy.”

Bam glanced over at Khun to make sure he was serious. And when Khun flushed, Bam grinned, “God, Khun, you’re such a—”

“Don’t even,” the light-bearer said, managing to sound petulant even while he was spread open in Bam’s lap, “try to tease me. It’s totally practical, it’s the one thing I’d never say during sex.”

Bam kissed a line down Khun’s throat, eyes flicking between Khun’s legs, watched Khun’s cock hard and twitching, begging to be touched. “Sorry, Khun,” Bam murmured against Khun’s cheek as he nuzzled against Khun’s face, “I should have asked that earlier.”

“S’okay,” Khun breathed, “Woulda told you to stop if I didn’t like it…I like it when you, um, manhandle me.”

“You don’t say,” Bam drawled. He released Khun’s neck and trailed his hand down Khun’s chest, pinching a nipple and twisting it just to hear Khun whine for more. He kept moving lower, lazily brushing Khun’s cock with the back of his hand. He slid the hand between Khun’s legs, past Khun’s balls, high and tight against the base of his cock. It would be so easy to just wrap his hand around Khun’s dick and bring him with a few quick strokes. But he had a longer game in mind.

His fingers slipped lower, further between the light-bearer’s legs to find Khun’s puckered asshole. He traced a finger around the tight ring of muscle, feeling Khun’s stuttered breaths against his chest. He wanted to be sure that he had space to work Khun open with his fingers from this angle. It might have been easier if he’d kept Khun on his back. From this angle, he wouldn’t be able to see Khun take his fingers, see them pump in and out of Khun.

But he’d be able to feel every moan, every hitched breath Khun took, every time he shivered for more. He’d be able to sink his teeth into Khun’s neck while his fingers presser deeper inside Khun. He’d be able to whisper into Khun’s ear and watch him writhe.

“Khun?” Bam asked, voice as polite as if he were asking Khun to pass the salt, “Be good for me and hand me the lube,” he gently pressed his teeth into Khun’s cheek, “I can’t bear to take my hands off you.”

Khun’s breath came out as a sharp, stuttered exhale. He stretched one hand towards the nightstand, shoulders tight and back arched. He reached for it like he was reaching for the top of the damn tower. He finally grabbed it, relaxing back against Bam’s chest and offering him the bottle with a bright grin.

“I love you, Khun,” Bam murmured against Khun’s neck. “Now I want you to pour some on your dick—a lot, pour a lot. You have more sheets, right?”

“One more set,” Khun gasped as he opened the cap and carefully let the clear liquid drip onto his cock. The sensation made Khun take a sharp breath as the cool liquid touched his flesh. Bam watched, utterly hypnotized by the sight of that thick fluid dribbling down Khun’s pale cock, between his legs and onto Bam’s fingers. Khun kept pouring it until Bam told him, “Enough.” Khun screwed the cap back onto the bottle with shaking fingers and dropped it on the bed beside them.

Bam coated his fingers in the lube, he lifted his hand from between Khun’s legs, let Khun see the lube glistening on his fingers. “Is it enough, Khun?” He asked, voice deep and hot with the intensity of his need.

Khun’s eyes went very wide as he watched Bam’s slick fingers, he nodded eagerly as his hips twitched towards Bam’s fingers.

The light-bearer spread his hips wider, cock bobbing against his stomach, exposing himself for Bam. He felt a heated, pleased smile spread across his face. Bam breathed into Khun’s ear, “I love seeing you like this…I can’t wait to break you down even more, make you beg for me to finally take you.”

He felt Khun shudder in anticipation as Bam’s fingers slipped between his legs again, brushing his tight opening. Bam glanced over at the lube, making sure it hadn’t rolled too far for him to reach—in case he needed more. But so much of it had dripped down the cleft of Khun’s ass, he had more than enough to work with.

Bam ran his index finger across the tight ring of muscle, feeling Khun instinctively tense against him. He didn’t try to slip inside yet—he would wait for Khun to beg for it. Instead, he just kept swirling his finger around Khun’s entrance while he practically devoured Khun’s neck, sucking and biting the pale, smooth skin. He still smelled like the sage soap. Bam thought he could taste it as he licked down Khun’s neck. The light-bearer started to make small, helpless noises as he relaxed against Bam’s chest.

 It didn’t take long for Khun to start squirming against him, trying to cant his hips and slide onto Bam’s finger. It made Bam chuckle darkly, “Is this all it takes to make you beg for it, Khun?” He leaned over Khun to nip at his collar bone and got a strangled yelp from the slighter man.

“I—” Khun gasped as Bam’s finger pressed gently at his entrance, “Mmm, Bam, please?”

Bam tightened his arm around Khun’s shoulders, pressing him even tighter against Bam’s body. He whispered, “Stay still for me.”

He pressed a little harder at Khun’s slick entrance and the tip of his finger slid inside Khun. The light-bearer gasped, tried to hold back from squirming. Bam could tell it wasn’t entirely pleasurable yet, he made gentle, shushing noises and rubbed his cheek against Khun’s. He slowly pushed deeper inside, until Khun took him to the second knuckle.

The light-bearer made a low keening sound and let his head loll back against Bam’s shoulder so that he could look up at the other man. Bam licked his lips, unable to help himself. Khun’s mouth was open, cheeks so flushed that he looked feverish, eyes squeezed nearly shut and tears glistening on his pale lashes.

“You’re so gorgeous, Khun,” Bam whispered, craning his neck to kiss Khun. He slipped his tongue into Khun’s mouth while his finger slid deeper inside Khun. The light-bearer practically melted against him, moaning into the kiss while he gasped and squirmed around Bam’s finger. Bam felt Khun tense suddenly, and realized that despite how easily he’d taken Bam, the sensation wasn’t still entirely pleasurable. He broke the kiss to mouth against Khun’s shoulder, biting down hard while he crooked his finger, looking for that little bundle of nerves that make would Khun—

“Bam!” Khun wailed, spine arching like a strung bow. Bam held him still and made wordless, soothing sounds while he ran his finger over that spot over and over again. “Please, Bam, you’re gonna make me cum if you don’t—”

“Do you want me to stop?” Bam growled, voice low and gravely. He went totally still against Khun. The light-bearer whined against him,

“N-no! No, please don’t stop, don’t stop,” he gasped, then his face went even redder as he tried to hide in the crook of Bam’s neck.

“Khun,” Bam drawled, “I can’t make you feel good if you don’t tell me what you want.”

“Want to cum while you’re in me,” he whimpered against Bam’s neck.

“But Khun,” He said, in the same slow, reasonable voice, “That’s not what I want.”

“Nng?” Khun made a questioning sound and turned to look at Bam, red face and with huge, guileless eyes. It was like a more primitive part of Khun’s brain had completely taken over. He was so plaint and eager in Bam’s hands.

Watching Khun expose this part of himself to Bam, so guilelessly and so eagerly, made something heated and desperate run down Bam’s spine to pool in his stomach. It was like some kind of accelerant, kindling something deeper, an almost a primeval possessiveness inside him. He wanted Khun to be his, only his, for as long as he lived. He would do anything to keep this perfect side of Khun all to himself, this part of Khun that needed him, that screamed his name, that begged him for more… the way Khun was looking at him, it was something close to reverent. This, this was what Gods must feel like. 

“I want,” Bam growled, “I want you to cum in my hands while I stretch you open to take my cock,” his voice dropped and he licked the shell of Khun’s ear, “I’m going to watch you lick your cum off my hand,” that made Khun whimper outright, “Then,” he kissed Khun’s temple, “I’m going to fuck you.”

Khun blinked at him, pupils blown so wide that Bam could barely see the blue rings of his iris, his gaze was so heavy, like his entire world had narrowed down to his lover and the sensation.

“’kay,” Khun murmured, arching his neck and pursing his lips, asking wordlessly for a kiss. Bam couldn’t resist the gesture, it was too cute. He kissed Khun tenderly.

While Bam’s finger worked inside Khun, he snaked his other arm down Khun’s chest. The light-bearer’s chest stuttered with each breath he took, as if he were holding all those delicious little sounds inside. Khun’s cock was bobbed against his stomach, flushed a darker pink, precum leaking from the tip of him. Bam reached down to take Khun’s weeping cock into the palm of his hand. For a moment, Bam just stared down the line of Khun’s body amd watched Khun’s dick twitch against his hand.

He rubbed his thumb along the head of Khun’s dick and brought his thumb to his lips. As he flicked his tongue across his own thumb, licking up that bead of Khun’s cum, his eyes slid down to meet Khun’s. He felt the light-bearer’s breath catch and watched Khun’s eyes go even wider, pupils fixed on Bam’s tongue.

“Khun?”

The light-bearer hummed in acknowledgement eyes still fixed on Bam’s pink tongue.

“Ready for another finger?”

Khun smiled lazily at him, head lolling against Bam’s shoulder, draped over Bam’s body like some unbelievably soft velvet and said sweetly, “Yes, please.”

Bam blinked at his light-bearer, he’d been so…just a complete brat a few minutes ago. And now he was limp and plaint and asking politely for Bam to fingerfuck him. He swooped down to press a light kiss to Khun’s temple, whispered, “relax for me, baby.”

Khun’s hole was still slick with lube, Bam smeared his middle finger in it and started to trace lazy circles around Khun’s entrance. He kept his index finger still inside Khun, not quite on his prostate, but close. Close enough for Khun to feel Bam’s fingertip brush against that perfect spot with every shudder of his hips.

When Bam’s middle finger started to push into that tight ring of muscle, Khun whined. He practically writhed in Bam’s lap, desperate for more stimulation.

Bam finally closed his fingers around Khun’s cock. When he did, Khun’s breath caught and he squeezed his eyes shut, head going limp on Bam’s shoulder. Bam stared at Khun’s throat as he swallowed convulsively, trying to swallow down those needy little sounds that threatened to spill from his lips.

“Khun,” Bam growled, “let me see you.”

The blue haired boy swallowed hard again, but he opened his eyes, lashes damp with tears of ecstasy. When he met Bam’s eyes, his breath caught. As if there were something in Bam’s eyes that pushed him even closer to the edge. He pushed deeper inside Khun, savoring the feel of Khun’s body twitching around him. He felt Khun flinch, saw a hint of discomfort start to bleed through the pleasure that filled his eyes.

Bam’s fingers tightened around Khun’s cock. The light-bearer shuddered as his hips twitched helplessly, trying to stretch his legs even wider—as if his body didn’t realize that his hips were already at their limit. Bam stroked Khun’s dick slowly as he pushed deeper inside.

When Khun had taken the finger down to the second knuckle, Bam purred, “You’re so good for me, Khun,” he pressed his index finger against Khun’s prostate, made Khun wail for more.

Slowly, Bam started to slid his fingers in and out of Khun. The light-bearer’s breaths came as strangled gasps, somewhere between pleasure and pain. His spine tensed and his shoulders were tight against Bam’s chest. He stroked Khun more firmly, tightening his fingers around Khun’s shaft as Khun gasped, “Please, Bam, that feels so good, please make me feel good, make it stop—”

Bam sunk his teeth into Khun’s neck while his fingers slid inside Khun, deep enough to brush his prostate again. He found a slow, agonizing rhythm between his fingers in Khun’s ass, his hand on Khun’s cock, and his teeth in Khun’s skin.

He waited until he felt the tension drain from Khun’s body, watching Khun’s face carefully for any hint of discomfort. He drank up all of Khun’s needy little sounds, drank up the dazed, ecstasy in Khun’s eyes, the feel of Khun’s sweat-slicked skin against Bam’s. There was something unbelievably intimate about being so close to Khun’s face, being able to watch his reactions to Bam’s fingers moving inside him. His slicked digits sliding in and out of that wet, tight heat. He could see every nuance of the pleasure flicker across Khun’s face. He started to gently scissor his fingers inside Khun, spreading his lover wider. The change in motion made Khun whimper while his hips hitched, moving in time with Bam’s hand on his cock.

Bam felt it when Khun’s spine started to tense, almost one vertebra at a time. Bam glanced down the line of his pale legs to see his toes curling.

“Close?” Bam whispered.

The blue haired boy nodded eagerly, flashing Bam a pair of hazy, heavy-lidded eyes.

Bam moved lower on Khun’s neck and sunk his teeth into the white flesh, burying a growl into Khun’s flesh. He was driving himself crazy, what had he been thinking? He’d been desperate to be inside Khun five minutes ago. There was just something so…intoxicating about having Khun this plaint and eager in his arms.

He kept stroking Khun, long, firm stokes with one hand while his fingers worked inside Khun.

Khun came with a gasp that spiraled into a wail as Bam pressed gently against his prostate and hissed, “Cum for me, Khun.”

Bam stroked Khun gently through the orgasm. Khun was trembling against him, moaning his name shamelessly. Bam’s lips fluttered on Khun’s throat, pressing delicate kisses on the tender, bruised flesh. But his eyes were on Khun’s cock, on the cum that spilled into Bam’s cupped hand. It was so hot in his hand, so pale as it glistened against his skin. he stared at Khun’s cum in his hand, feeling his own cock filling with blood and growing hard against Khun’s back.

He kissed Khun’s cheek and held his hand in front of Khun’s face, “Khun? Clean my hand off so I can fuck you properly?”

Khun was still basking in the afterglow, dazed and overstimulated and clearly loving every second of it. He didn’t even try to get mouthy, he just opened his mouth and started licking Bam’s hand clean. He started licking the cum off Bam’s hand with long, sure strokes of his pink tongue.

Bam’s eyes went wide as he watched. Khun moaned a little as he licked his own cum, cheeks flushed and eyes glassy.

When his palm was cleanish, Khun moved to Bam’s fingers, licking them clean. Bam just watched in absolute awe. It was like there was a new nerve running straight from his fingers to his dick.

It took Bam a moment to realize that his hand was mostly clean, Khun was just lingering over Bam’s fingers. He kissed Khun hard. The other man opened his mouth and let Bam inside, letting Bam taste Khun’s cum on the light-bearer’s own tongue. When Bam just licked Khun’s tongue with his own, the blue-haired boy gasped into his mouth.

Bam reached for the lube and poured a generous amount straight onto his dick. He carefully withdrew his fingers from Khun. The light-bearer made a high, keening whine at the loss and something about that sound, the needy thread in Khun’s voice echoed in his mind. That sound belonged to Bam.

Bam lined himself up with Khun’s entrance and slowly pushed inside. He leaned further back against the headboard, trying to give himself a better view. But Khun was slick and ready for him, the head of Bam’s cock was inside Khun faster than he’d anticipated. He felt Khun’s body tighten at the intrusion while Khun’s mouth was urging him on to go harder, faster.

Bam had to force himself to push slowly inside, opting to listen to the tension in Khun’s body rather than his mouth.

Khun was so tight and wet and hot. And it was like his body was desperate to be full. But Bam carefully pulled his hips away from Khun’s—resisting the temptation to thrust himself inside in one, fluid motion. He didn’t want to hurt Khun anymore than Khun wanted to be hurt.

So, he kept up that agonizing pace, sliding into Khun one inch at a time.

He exhaled slowly as he let another inch of himself sink into Khun. He tried to ignore Khun’s stammered litany of ‘please, more, please.’ He tried to block out the pleading whine in his light-bearer’s voice as he gasped Bam’s name.

“Hold on, Khun,” He murmured against Khun’s temple, “Just a little more, baby, you’re almost there.”

When he bottomed out, Khun wailed and shuddered against him, trying to rub that sensitive spot inside him on Bam’s cock.

Bam hushed Khun gently while he reached for the hand sanitizer, urging Khun to sit still on his dick. He grabbed the bottle, squirting the odd smelling liquid into his skin and rubbed it into his hands until it dried.  When he was satisfied, he tossed it away and eagerly put his hands back on Khun. He looped one arm around Khun’s shoulders again, pulling the light-bearer close and nipping on the shell of his ear. He fisted the other hand in Khun’s hair.

Khun was twitching and making small, delicious sounds, urging him on.

Bam started with shallow thrusts, just enough to brush Khun’s prostate. He kissed a line up the column of Khun’s throat, noticing the line of bite marks that were already reddening and would bloom into purple and blue bruises tomorrow. He felt the tension in Khun’s spine drain away, sensed the change in Khun as the discomfort faded and he adjusted to Bam’s full length.

“Bam?” Khun whispered, sounding like his brain had just reset from his orgasm.

“What’s up?”

Khun’s breath hitched as Bam thrust inside him, he let his head roll back onto Bam’s shoulder again so Bam could see his face. Khun blinked up at him beneath fluttering lashes, Bam wondered what Khun was going to ask him for.

“Can we switch—” he gasped, “—positions? I wanna be on my hands and knees.”

That distracted Bam from the tight heat around his cock long enough for him to wonder if he could manage that without having to leave the warmth of Khun’s body. It should be as simple as leaning forward and keeping Khun’s hips pinned against his.

“Yeah, baby, yeah,” Bam rasped. He tried to puzzle through the mechanics for a moment. “Stay still,” he whispered against Khun’s cheek.

Bam changed his grip on Khun, used one arm to pin the light bearer to his chest and looped the other around his hips. He slowly pushed himself off the headboard. He used the strength of his abdominal muscles to hold them steady as he rolled forward, resting his weight on his knees, while he kept Khun pinned tightly against his chest. For a moment, Bam held Khun flush against him and looked down the line of Khun’s body, seeing that Khun’s cock was already half-hard and twitching against his pale thigh.

With an almost feral grin, Bam curled forward, he dropped the arm from around Khun’s chest and pushed his fist into the mattress. He used that one arm to hold his weight as Khun settled onto all fours beneath him, weight on his knees and elbows. Bam ended up on his knees, folded over Khun.

He leaned back onto his knees and the first thing he realized was that, from this position, he could see his cock buried to the hilt inside Khun. He shifted his hands so that he gripped Khun’s hips. Experimentally Bam rolled his hips, watch part of his dick slide out of Khun and with the next thrust watched Khun take it all. He did it again, transfixed by how easily Khun took him. Bam realized, somewhat absently, that his hair had slipped from the ponytail he’d pulled it into earlier.

“Bam,” Khun whined, drawing his attention from Khun’s ass. Khun was staring over his shoulder up at Bam, eyes dark with lust and need. He bucked his hips, asking silently for more. But there was something so needy in the way he looked at Bam.

He folded himself over Khun so that he could press a quick kiss to Khun’s flushed cheek, “Good?”

“Mmmhmm,” Khun hummed, nuzzling his face against Bam’s. “Can you do something else for me?”

Anything, “What?” His voice rumbled through his chest.

“Choke me a little? Just put your forearm around my neck—you won’t be able to fuck me as hard, but—please? I want it so bad, I want you to—”

“Totally control you?” Bam growled.

Khun breathed, “Yeah.”

“What if I—?”

“I’ll tap you twice if I want you to stop,” Khun rasped, tapping twice on Bam’s forearm, “Just like that.”

Bam slowly rearranged himself so that one arm took most of his weight, he raised the other arm, placed his elbow experimentally on Khun’s shoulder and laid his forearm against Khun’s throat. Then he shifted his arm closer so that the back of Khun’s head was pressed against his bicep and he could feel Khun swallowing convulsively beneath his forearm—the light-bearer was already excited before Bam had even applied any pressure. He could feel Khun’s silky hair, nearly dry now, brushing against the skin of his arm.

Draped over Khun like this, the best he could manage were shallow thrusts, snapping his hips with each one. He spread his own legs a little wider, trying to get more leverage to thrust. But…that wasn’t really what this was about for Khun.

 It was about control, about perfect control becoming perfect freedom.

In the back of his mind, Bam felt that primal need building, he needed to fuck Khun harder, fuck him deeper, fill him with Bam’s cum. But for now, his focus was entirely on Khun. In this position, his face was buried in Khun’s hair. Beyond the sweet smell of his lover’s blue hair, the scent of sex—lube, cum, sweat slicked bodies sliding together.

He drew his cock as far out of Khun as he could, and as he thrust forward, he tightened his arm against Khun’s throat. The light-bearer made a small, eager whimper as his hips twitched needily against Bam’s. Bam shoved himself as deeply as he could and carefully increased the pressure against Khun’s neck.  

Khun moaned, spine arching against Bam’s chest as he started to lose himself to the sensation.

“Khun, baby,” Bam whispered, “I can’t see your face like this,” his voice broke as Khun clamped tightly around his cock from the inside, “Is this good?”

“…You can go tighter,” Khun gasped, “If you want to.”

Bam growled, thrust inside Khun again, shifting his hips until he felt the tip of his cock brush the tender bundle of nerves inside Khun. The light-bearer screamed, arched his spine, and tried to throw his head back—but he just ended up staring up at Bam, rolling his blue eyes back to look at his lover. Bam tightened his forearm carefully against Khun’s throat. He felt Khun relax deeply against him, nearly limp with pleasure as Bam stayed buried deep inside him.

Bam flexed his hips, brushing that spot inside Khun again while the light-bearer chased his own high. He gritted his teeth and tried to set a rhythm, brushing Khun’s prostate with every flex of hips and holding Khun in place by the throat.

“You want it even harder?” Bam snarled, his need had become something hot and insistent. These slow, shallow thrusts were incredible, but he wanted to fuck Khun harder, faster, watch his slick cock sliding in and out of his light-bearer.

“Please,” Khun rasped.

“Just a little more,” Bam snarled, “I wanna fuck you Khun—harder.”

Khun nodded eagerly against his arm.

He manhandled Khun a little, pushing him awkwardly away so that Bam could draw more of his cock out of Khun. Then he slammed himself inside. Khun started to wail again, but Bam tightened his arm against the light-bearer’s throat and the sound cut off abruptly. Instead, he felt Khun hum in ecstasy while he writhed on Bam’s cock. Bam just kept tightening his grip around Khun’s throat, feeling Khun arch his spine against his chest. He kept the pressure stable for a moment and reached forward to nip at Khun’s lower ear.

Khun’s blue eyes slid over to meet Bam’s. Bam wasn’t sure what he was expecting to see, but Khun in the throes of intense pleasure wasn’t it. Khun’s lips were parted and wet, his face flushed, pupils blown so wide that they almost swallowed the blue of his iris. He nuzzled lovingly against the arm around his throat. He made a low, contented sound and whispered, “I love you, Bam.”

Bam’s eyes widened as he watched Khun, he didn’t get it at all. But he loved Khun, loved making him flush with pleasure, loved this secret, masochistic streak, loved that he trusted Bam with it. He kissed Khun on the mouth, gently, chastely, then gasped, “love you so much, I’m gonna fuck you til you scream.”

The light-bearer smiled, hazy and unfocused, “Yes please,” he breathed.

Bam dropped his arm from Khun’s neck and pulled himself upright, weight on his knees. He grabbed Khun’s hips and started to fuck him in earnest, fascinated by the way Khun took every inch of him, no matter how far out Bam slid. Khun’s breathing got shorter and faster with every thrust, until it sounded like he was just whimpering and gasping instead of breathing.

He ran his nose along Khun’s neck, inhaling the sweet scent of his soap and conditioner, so delicate and refined against the heady smell of cum and sweat that rode the air. Then he pounded into Khun, hips flexing in a careful rhythm. He was so close to the edge. Between the slap of his balls against Khun’s skin, Khun’s insistent, pleading moans, he struggled to hear anything past his own heartbeat thrumming through his ears.

“Harder,” Khun gasped, voice urgent and raw and wrecked, “Please, Bam, harder!”

He hesitated, the tender flesh of Khun’s neck between his teeth. He wasn’t sure if he should bite harder, he was perilously close to drawing blood. But Khun did something, squeezed his cock from the inside, and it made Bam’s breath catch. Bam rolled his head back against his own shoulder, trying to hold himself together.

Khun whined and writhed against him, desperate for Bam to move. He started babbling, voice shaking and rising higher and higher with sheer need, “Please, Bam, please, please, I wanna be yours, I want to feel your teeth while you fuck me, I want you to fill me up with your teeth in my neck.”

“Jesus christ,” Bam gasped, unable to keep his hips from thrusting up into Khun. It wasn’t nearly as hard as Khun wanted, hell, needed. Khun made it sound like such a good idea.

Bam let the last vestiges of his own self-control flutter away. He felt that primal urge flare to life with a sudden vengeance. He snarled wordlessly and started to pound mercilessly into Khun. While Khun wailed and screamed his name, Bam felt heat pool in his stomach, felt his balls tighten. He was so close. The world seemed to fade away and narrow at the same time, until all he could focus on was the sight of his cock sliding in and out of Khun, on the intensity of that tight, wet heat.

He pulled himself out, until just the tip of him was inside Khun and took a sharp breath. He felt Khun tremble beneath him, watched his fingers fist into the sheets in anticipation of the thrust to come. Bam rolled his hips, pushing inside hard, snapping his hips as he bottomed out, felt the tip of his dick brush that tender spot inside Khun.

Khun threw his head back and screamed, “Bam!”

His entire world faded into that raw scream. He kept fucking Khun, pounding mercilessly into him. He gripped Khun’s hips tight enough to bruise as he kept chasing his orgasm. He was so close. He heard Khun wailing his name. The sound felt distant and yet it choked him, wrapped around him and urged him on. He had to cum, he had to try to make Khun again—give Khun exactly what he wanted.

He leaned over Khun, sunk his teeth into the muscle of Khun’s shoulder and bit hard while his hips stuttered against Khun’s—he lost the rhythm and was just trying to fuck Khun as hard as he could. His orgasm hit him hard, white light blazed behind his eyelids as he came with a guttural scream, partially muffled by Khun’s shoulder.

He panted over Khun for a moment, watched sweat drip from his brow onto Khun’s pale shoulder. Then he realized that his mouth was still in Khun’s shoulder. He drew back, realizing there was a red imprint of his teeth on Khun’s shoulder, saw it filling with blood and realized he could taste a little bit of Khun’s blood in his mouth.

He would have apologized, but Khun had twisted beneath him so that he could look up at Bam. Khun was breathing hard, flushed, and there was cum on his stomach.

Bam’s eyes widened, “Did I make you--?”

“Yeah,” Khun said huskily, voice still raw from screaming.

Bam sighed and collapsed on the bed beside Khun. He definitely needed to brush his teeth, but he was too fucked out to move yet. Apparently Khun was too. He cuddled against Bam, burrowing his face in Bam’s shoulder and sighing contentedly.

After a moment, Bam breathed, “have you ever done that before?”

“Fucked you?”

Bam shoved Khun’s shoulder lightly, “No I mean, the choking thing.”

“Ah…no,” Khun drawled, a playful smile lighting up his face, “I don’t trust anyone with my lilywhite throat.”

Bam smiled, ran his hand through Khun’s hair and just savored his smile.

When he felt sure his legs wouldn’t wobble when he stood up, Bam started to slip off the bed. Khun reached for him, face suddenly concerned, “Where’re you going?”

Bam smiled, hoping all the tenderness he felt filled his eyes, “I’m just going to brush my teeth, I think I bit you so hard it bled.”

Khun couldn’t shut down an eager, almost excited look as he glanced at his shoulder, “holy shit.”

“You didn’t notice that?” Bam gaped at the light-bearer.

The blue haired boy looked a little embarrassed and shrugged, “I-uh, I noticed that you were biting me, but I didn’t realize how hard it was.”

“Says you,” Bam scoffed affectionately, “You were all about harder, harder, harder.”

“Just brush your teeth and get back here,” Khun laughed.

Bam hurried, he wanted to cuddle more. When he was finished, he helped Khun change the bed sheets. They cleaned off hurriedly with wet wipes and changed into soft pajamas before they settled back into bed. They sat huddled together against the headboard, Bam guzzling an bottle of water while Khun set up his light house to stream something relaxing to watch before bed.

It hit Bam, very suddenly, that tomorrow was going to be the most important day of his life as Jyu Viole Grace. He was going to fight a ranker. And when he won, everything would be set into motion. “I wish we could just stop,” Bam whispered, suddenly feeling hopeless and wistful.

Reality sort of crashed back into him, hard enough to make his head spin. He had been expecting Khun to need aftercare, sweet nothings, cold coffee, and cuddling until they fell asleep in each other’s arms. Instead, he felt suddenly sick, a little nauseous—would he ever be able to huddle up next to Khun again? Watch silly shows before they fell asleep together? He was going to start a war soon. It felt…almost childish to wonder when he’d be able to watch anime with his boyfriend again. But the thought of never feeling Khun’s warm body beside his made his stomach roll violently and his head spin. For a moment he actually felt dizzy.

“Stop what?” Khun’s voice held a note of puzzlement and he glanced away from his lighthouse at Bam. He took a sharp inhale and pushed the lighthouse away, “What’s wrong?”

Bam slumped onto Khun’s shoulder.

“Everything,” Bam said despondently, “Stop everything, stop climbing, stop fighting,” his voice wavered. He felt a little bit like crying and that floored him. “Just find some quiet place and….and just be together.”

Khun scooted a little further away from Bam. He glanced miserably up at Khun, wondering why he wasn’t pulling Bam closer to comfort him. But Khun was stretching his legs out on the bed, and patting one thigh, inviting Bam to lay down.

He took the invitation, slumping down to rest his head on Khun’s lap.

The world should have felt a little safer with his head pillowed on the light-bearer’s cool thighs.

He blinked up at Khun. His eyes were heavy-lidded, the blues of his eyes still hazy with the afterglow of the intensity of his orgasms. His mouth was parted, relaxed, all the tension he usually held in his mouth and between his brows had melted away. With his mused hair and cheeks still flushed, Khun looked younger and softer than he usually did, and quite simply happy.

That should have made Bam feel happy too, instead it was like his stomach had tensed into one hard knot and he suddenly couldn’t get enough air.

“I know,” Khun murmured, leaning down to kiss Bam’s forehead tenderly.

But suddenly, he couldn’t bear to gaze up into his lover’s calm face. Knowing that Khun was relaxed, comfortable with the intensity of their lovemaking, should have comforted Bam. Instead, it made him feel like he’d fallen into cold water, and instead of bursting to the surface, he was just staring up at it while he sank deeper and deeper.

Khun didn’t know, couldn’t possibly understand the weight dragging Bam down. It was going to be like the Floor of Tests all over again, except this time, Bam wouldn’t just be losing his friend, but his lover, hell, the love of his life. The loneliness had been so much more difficult to bear after he’d known what it was to have friends, to belong somewhere, to belong with those people. What would it be like when he belonged to someone now—knew now, what it was to love, and be loved in return? The thought made him shudder.

He curled around Khun, collapsing in on himself in the process. He turned to bury his face into the plane of Khun’s hip bone, facing Khun’s stomach and drawing his legs up as close to Khun’s side as he could.

He wanted to vanish into Khun.

“I just—I can’t bear finding you, having you, and losing you now,” he mumbled into Khun’s hip.

His light-bearer’s voice was hushed and gentle and everything Bam needed, “You’ll never lose me.” His long, delicate fingers found their way inside Bam’s T-shirt and started to trace aimless patterns across the Bam’s spine with his fingertips.

Khun was trying to sooth him. It was working but—

Bam twisted his neck to meet Khun’s gaze, before he could help himself, snapped, “I can’t—!”

“You’re wrong,” Khun murmured. He smoothed Bam’s hair back from his face. There was something in his voice that caught Bam’s attention, a thread of some empathy, some understanding that made Bam gaze up at his lover like he was a light breaking over dark waters.

“I know it’s a burden, Bam, to hold us, all of us, on your shoulders,” Khun’s voice had taken on a low, almost hypnotic quality and Bam found that he couldn’t look away. “And maybe it’s hard to say it to yourself, but you’re wrong. No matter how many times you say that you can’t, I’ll tell you, ‘you’re wrong’ every time.”

“That’s not fair Khun,” Bam huffed.

He gazed up at Khun. Now his light-bearer wore an expression that Bam had never seen before. Khun’s eyes were so calm, so sure, so confident that they crackled with the strength of that conviction. He was smiling. Khun’s expression was so serene and self-assured that it made Bam’s throat tight. Khun asked, voice cool and airy, “remember what you said the other day? When you said you’d do whatever I asked you too?”

Bam nodded.

Khun’s face broke into a bright grin, “Then be my god, just mine. You always have been anyway.”

Bam knew this smile well—this smile meant that Khun was only a few moves away from the final goal, that their victory as assured. Bam didn’t feel nearly as confident, but, in that moment, Khun burned so brightly that Bam found himself gravitating towards that light. He tried to leave his doubts in that cold water as he shook himself back into the present.

A small smile quirked at Bam’s lips, he remembered what Khun had told him at the Name Hunt station—that he wasn’t actually a god, that it was alright to be selfish, to use his power to take care of his friends. “I thought I wasn’t a god,” Bam said, voice an echo of his usual, sunny tone, “I thought it was okay for me to just be a person, to screw up, to care about what’s mine.”

Khun shrugged, “No reason why you can’t be both, but when I said told you that, I was talking in generalities, you aren’t a god. But you are mine.”

That got a real smile from Bam, he rolled onto his back so that he could reach up to cup Khun’s cheek, “Until my last breath, Khun.”

“Yes,” Khun murmured, “Until your last breath, a millennium from now when we’re old and grey-haired, napping in that garden.”

A week later, Khun watched the battle from the safety of a floating ship, while Bam stood out there, in open defiance of Jahad and his armies. All he could do was watch Bam while he gathered the souls of the dead and fed them into White, one by one. He’d pretty much given up on being disappointed in himself after his own actions may or may not have driven his older sister to suicide. He tried to busy himself scanning the battlefield for any opening to help.

“Is this your first War?” White asked.

And goddamn, maybe Bam had just fucked out his common sense, because he had not pegged White as a talker.

“Obviously,” Khun ground out between gritted teeth. Kallavan was out there now, and they were running out of time. “And I’m stuck hiding in a ship with you,” Khun said bitterly, before he could hold his tongue.

“You have a very keen mind, it’s an honor for Rankers to recognize it. Your body simply hasn’t caught up—there’s no shame in that.”

He didn’t know what to say to the compliment, so he stayed silent.

“I’ve seen many wars,” the slayer murmured, voice low and almost hypnotic, “I’ve caused them, fought in them—fought for myself and others. All the lives I’ve taken, they blaze around that boy, cling to his sweet soul…The same way you do.”

Khun turned away from the battlefield to glare at the slayer, “Shut up.”

“I’ve been watching,” White continued, ignoring Khun, “I’ve lived so many lives in the middle tower, had countless lovers. But only the slightest taste of love.”

What world was he living in—how was White such a damn romantic.

“From eating souls?” Khun scoffed.

“I lived as a man once, not as a God of FUG. I knew love, briefly. The love I inhale from the dead is just a shadow, a pale imitation…always tainted by pain and regret. The sweetest souls are the few who sacrifice themselves for love, to save their beloved. But it is still a bitter thing to swallow.”

Khun couldn’t stop his eyes from widening and his slipped one hand in his pocket to caress the handle of a blade he’d tucked away. Touching his knives always brought him some modicum of comfort.

“I know it when I see it. Those souls, they hover around him, hoping that he will be their salvation. Hope and love, those are the feelings that truly bind humans. Fear will do, but love…love is what makes people shine.”

He felt the ambient Shinsu around them shift, and both he and White looked back to the battlefield.

Khun watched as Bam blazed to light, brighter than anything Khun had ever seen. His wings shifted from the black and blue swirls that mimicked a butterfly’s wing into something larger and brighter—until a pair of giant wings the color of starlight graced Bam’s back. Khun’s mouth dropped slightly, he couldn’t help it. Bam looked like some kind of angel of battle, face bloodied and bruised, the thorn glinting with a light of its own between his glowing wings.

“See? He shines like nothing I’ve ever seen,” White murmured, “And you, amongst us all, you alone are the honored one.”

Kallavan pressed closer.

“He needs help,” Khun growled, pointedly ignoring White’s gaze.

“I need more souls, maybe a branch commander—something tastier.”

 Khun shot to the intercom, he had an idea. It worked. Adrenaline pounded through him, made his voice rough with delight, “It’s fun having such powerful pieces to maneuver.”

And then, so quickly that it startled him, he felt White’s presence grow until it loomed over his shoulder like a hundred-pound weight. He’d almost forgotten that one of his most powerful new toys was standing behind him.

Khun took a deep breath and turned to meet the Slayer’s gaze.

“I will keep Kallavan back and help Jyu Viole Grace reach the wall.”

He turned to see White ablaze with power, the red marks streaking down his eyes made Khun’s stomach roll.

“Thank you,” Khun said carefully.

“Stay on the ship and be mindful of yourself. Jyu Viole Grace is too young to know the loss of a lover. I have no desire to taste such a bitter thing. It would kill that part of him, the part that shines.” He opened the landing dock and stood at the end of the ramp.

“The part you intend to eat.”

White grinned at him and it made his stomach drop to the floor and he tasted something sour at the back of his throat.

“I look forward to the ways you will try to stop me. I expect great things from you, boy. Love and hope,” he repeated, eyeing the battlefield. He turned to give Khun another feral smile, “I have only one, but you have both,” the Slayer nodded towards Bam, “now, watch him shine.”

White slipped out of the ship to blaze to his fully glory before Kallavan.

He hated to do it, but Khun pulled the ship away, careful to blend in with friendly airships and avoid drawing attention to himself. He watched, kept his intercom open and listened.

Khun’s breath caught as Bam materialized a bow from the ambient Shinsu, white Shinsu that blazed like the moon on a clear night. He watched as Bam drew the bowstring back, creating an arrow of pure light as he did.

One arrow—one chance to save their friends and allies, one chance to salvage their plan, one chance to show Jahad’s army what a deadly mistake they’d made in underestimating the irregular.

He fired. As that arrow burned across the sky. Khun knew that everyone—their friends and allies, watched that arrow fly with the same feeling that was bursting in Khun’s chest—hope.  

What had Bam told him on the flying ship? Before he’d thoroughly swept Khun off his feet?

“But if someone, anyone, says it’s wrong to hope, I’ll tell them that they’re wrong—every single time.”

He watched Bam blaze in the sky like some shining thing and could only smile.