Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

August, 2007.

Bella wasn’t sure how she kept getting herself into these situations.

Well… yes she was. It started with E and ended in Cullen, but that was beside the point. There she was, on top of a mountain. Good people were ripping each other apart at the base, while all that stood between her and her imminent death was her boyfriend and a fifteen year old boy. How was this plan supposed to work again?

Thorns poked at her arm and she grimaced, willing herself not to bleed. Crouching behind a bush was absolutely futile, as if her delectable scent and thundering heartbeat wouldn’t give her away to any vampire within half a mile. But instincts were instincts, and hers screamed at her to hide. 

Edward stood between her and Victoria anyway. They had reached a standstill, each trying to predict the other as the red headed demon tried to find a way to her human prey.

Bella was kind of sick of feeling like prey. 

The standstill brought an impossible silence; although the sound of Seth and Riley fighting to the death still rang out to her left, and there was the occasional thundering crash from the battle down the mountain still raging on. It hurt though, waiting for something horrible to happen. Bella clenched her teeth and counted her heartbeats.

One, two, three…

A crash, a snarl, a creak as a tree came crashing down in Bella’s direction. She jumped to her feet and scrambled away just in time. Riley came out of nowhere, leapt off the fallen trunk and tackled Edward from the side. They went clattering down the mountainside, telltale screeches of limbs being torn coming in their wake. Bella could only hope that it wasn’t Edward being ripped apart. 

Victoria had her eyes on her now. Deep red, demon eyes. The colour of death. Bella stared right back, trying to hide how much she struggled to keep her composure. The sweet smell of burning vampire flesh had begun to waft up to them. Hopefully that meant the fight with the newborns was over and they might get some backup.

Hopefully. 

Victoria took a step forward. One menacing step. As if she had all the time in the world. But with a heroic leap and wonderful growl, Seth appeared from the same place Riley had. Bella could almost see his jump in slow motion; posed in the air above Victoria, jaws open to rip her neck. 

Victoria didn’t even look in his direction as she jabbed his throat. He went flying back into a tree with a sickening snap that Bella quickly realised was his spine . His huge wolf body had turned human again before he even hit the ground. Gone was the killing machine, in its place was a sweet fifteen year old boy. 

That did it. 

Bella couldn’t help but scream his name and start in his direction, but Victoria was on her before her tearfilled eyes could catch the movement. Her razor sharp jaws were artery deep in Bella’s neck before she had time to scream. Through the raging heartbeat in her ears, Bella realised she was about to die. All of this was for nothing. How many people had died to save her? What was the point?

She took a breath and waited for death.

One, two, three…

Victoria gave a mammoth snarl as she was bodily ripped away, bringing a chunk of Bella’s neck with her. That’s when the pain truly kicked in. Bella cried out as loud as she could as her blood poured from her body and soaked the ground around her. She almost drowned out the screech of a vampire’s death and Edward’s heart wrenching screaming. 

“Carlisle! CARLISLE!”

Hands were on her. Touching her face, putting pressure on her neck. They were Edward’s at first, but then more. One on the inside of her wrist, one holding her hand. One touched her leg and sent a shock of adrenaline through her.

“Stay awake, Bells!”

Edward’s voice bled through the haze. “We can suck the venom out!”

“She’s bleeding out!” Carlisle replied. “There’s not enough venom in her to turn her in time! You need to bite her again!”

“I don’t know if I can! What if I can’t stop?!”

“Edward, now is not the time for second guessing!”

“But I…”

“Carlisle!” Alice gasped. “You need to bite her now or she’s dead!”

There was no hesitation. Sharp teeth clinically cut into the other side of her neck. There was too much pain everywhere for Bella to even wince at the addition. All it was was cold, pumping through her neck, up to her head and down her arm. It was numbing, almost pleasant. Until that searing cold brought a blistering heat and she couldn’t help but scream again. 

The teeth retracted. “Is that enough, Alice?”

“I think so… We’ve got you Bells. It’s going to be okay.”

The pumping adrenaline faded into a calm that barely took the edge off the burning in her veins. Their hands began to stroke her, hold her. As if they could love the pain away. They kept talking, but Bella could barely hear anymore. 

“Keep the pressure on her neck…”

“... she can’t turn here…”

“Is Seth okay?”

“Edward, where are you going?”

Bella drifted, under a heavy blanket of lethargy. She would wake up dead.

November, 2012.

It was a normal day of a normal week. The Cullens were spread about their Montana home, where they had lived since Bella’s turn five years earlier. It had been just about demolished in Bella’s first year; when everyone was too deep in grief and guilt to care. But all things come to an end. Edward came back to them after six months of running from his own depression, Esme stopped worrying about him, Alice forgave herself, Jasper stopped having to wallow in everyone else’s pain. The family returned to a new normal. 

Boredom was commonplace in a life that would last forever, so they busied themselves with the little things that made it worth living. Rosalie and Emmett were off doing unimaginable things to each other in the guest house; Carlisle, Esme and Edward were out hunting; Alice and Bella were doing business in the sitting room while Jasper read nearby. 

They were quite proud of their joint venture. Once her newborn brain had settled down, Bella directed her excess time and energy into reading every book in the Cullen house. However, she very quickly ran out of books that interested her; in the house and the world. That was when she decided she may as well write them herself. She had written several so far, under a pseudonym; and preferred to keep to adult contemporary. No paranormal in sight, much to her family’s amusement. 

Alice was preoccupied with the timing of the next release. They liked to make the themes of Bella’s books as uncannily appropriate for the times as possible. Almost like a hobby within a hobby. Alice loved doing it, using her gift to find every seemingly insignificant detail. Maybe that was why she didn’t see their visitors in time for them to run.

Jasper raised the alarm. His gift was complicated and nuanced, sometimes coming to him in waves, sometimes in colours. From this range, much further than anyone else’s senses, all he could feel were vibrations; enough to be a small crowd, about two miles away, projecting potent feelings of fear and rage that carried through the air. 

He shot from his seat by the window and ran to his wife, who remained unresponsive even as he shook her arm.

“Alice, we need you!”

Bella was quick to stand. “Jaz, what’s wrong?”

“I can feel people coming,” he said, “vampires. Edward will be able to hear them soon, I think. But there’s at least twenty, maybe more. It has to be the Volturi.”

“The Volturi?” She gasped, an icy fist of fear gripped in her chest. “Why would they come here? We haven’t done anything.”

“I don’t know…” He gathered his authority and drew himself up to Bella’s eye level. “It can’t be good, but there’s no time to run. We’d be too easy to track, especially if they have Demetri with them. But without the others we’re sitting ducks. Go get Rose and Em from the guest house, keep an ear out for Alice. I’ll run out and find the others.”

She hastily obeyed his commands, running east as he went west. Rose and Emmett were locked in an unyielding embrace when she burst into the pretty cottage Esme had specifically built for them to destroy. They quickly detached when she informed them of the situation and insistently asked her questions she didn't know the answers to as they ran back to the main house.

The others were all there when they got back. Of course, Jasper hadn’t had to wait for anyone to get dressed before leaving. Edward sat beside Alice, his eyes closed in concentration as he scanned the area for wayward thoughts coming into his range. He still opened up his arms as soon as he sensed his wife, which she gratefully climbed into.  

They waited in terse silence for any sign of information from three of their gifted members. Esme started fluttering around collecting their escape supplies, brimming with nervous energy.

Emmett was fit to bursting too. “If Jaz can already sense them, how aren’t they here yet? It’s been minutes.”

“They’re walking at human pace…” Jasper muttered.

“What? Why?”

He shrugged. “More intimidating, I suppose. But with the amount of fear and pain I’m getting... maybe they’re trying to hide some injuries?”

Edward sharply inhaled. “I’ve got it! Aro’s leading them. You’re right, there was an attack… the Romanians rebelled… and won. Volterra is in ashes. Aro’s forces are severely depleted.”

“Enough that we stand a chance?” Emmett asked.

“No, the fight would still be three to one...” Edward frowned. “I think Aro knows he’s within my range. He says they come in peace, that he needs a favour.”

Carlisle had been a statue in the centre of the room since Bella came in; he finally moved to sigh. “Any favour Aro Volturi needs from me is unlikely to be one I can easily grant. What if he-”

Alice gasped. Her eyes flew open and wide enough to see the whites, her hand clamped over her mouth to smother a cry. 

Her family surrounded her in an instant, her husband fell to his knees at her feet and grasped her hands.

“Are you okay? Did you see anything?”

She stared past him, her eyes unseeing. “No, no I didn’t see anything… everything went black…”

“You mean there’s a blind spot?” Bella asked, stroking her sister’s short inky hair back behind her ear. “Like with the wolves?”

“No…” Alice gasped, “like someone died, but as if it’s… everyone. As if the entire future is gone. All I can see is black.”

The family fell into silence, their minds blank with shock. They could hear the distant footsteps of the Volturi guard now, there was no time to run. 

“What do we do?” someone whispered.

“We show a united front,” Carlisle murmured, “and we hope for the best.”

Moving at human pace was a genius move in a way. It gave the enemy time to get really riled up from the tension. Bella was grateful that there were still trees hiding them from view, so she still had a few minutes to truly express her fear. 

Edward hadn’t stopped touching her since they reunited. She couldn’t help but be grateful for the comfort his presence gave, then bereft when Esme gently nudged her and drew her away to a position beside Alice; in the back behind Emmett where they could be more easily defended. Edward moved to the front beside Carlisle and Jasper, where he could whisper insight. 

Bella gulped. Four years before, Jasper went through his ‘safety’ phase and came up with contingencies for every apocalyptic possibility. She had hoped none of them would ever come to pass. She’d never imagined that ‘unexpected invasion by the Volturi’ was even possible.  

It felt like it took an age, but eventually the charred grey cloaks of the guard appeared between the trees. Aro walked at the helm, his most intimidating servants on either side of him. 

“Almost all his gifted members are dead,” Edward whispered, “all of them except Alec and Demetri… It looks like the invasion of Volterra was very well planned… And Marcus is dead.”

“A shame…” Carlisle sighed, “Marcus was a kind man, deep down.”

He turned to his youngest daughter. “If Alec is here it might be necessary for you to shield us, sweetheart.”

Bella nodded and enthusiastically stretched her shield over her family, thankful for the only thing she could do in these situations. 

“Can you see anything, Alice?”

The seer only shook her head and continued to stare into space.

The guard were close enough for Bella to smell them. The wind picked up the acrid smell of smoke and sweet venom from their cloaks and carried it towards the family. They looked as if they had come straight from the fight. Their clothes were torn, some entirely to pieces. Many soldiers were missing limbs, either ripped off or burned. One was missing his entire jaw. Though their normally immaculate procession was mangled, their footsteps were in time and gazes never wavered. The march carried on in perfect harmony.

With a glance on either side to his advisors, Carlisle called out, “Aro! Please accept my sincere sympathy for your losses!”

Aro shuddered to a stop twenty feet from the Cullens, signalling to his followers to wait behind him.

“Carlisle, my dear friend,” he said, “my apologies for not warning you of our visit. If you are aware of recent events, then I am sure you understand I no longer have the luxury of courtesy.”

“Yes, although I don’t know the full story-”

“A rebellion!” Aro burst out like he’d been struggling to hold the mania in. “A revolution! That’s what they called it! The damn Romanians want to corral humans in pens again!”

“Aro, I am so-”

“And there is nothing we could do to stop them!” Aro interrupted again. “ Nothing! I tried everything! I bent the laws of nature to destroy them but nothing worked! I come to you today my friend because you are my last hope!”

“Of course I will help if I can Aro, but I don’t know how.”

“Well then it is a good thing I do!” Aro cried, his eyes wide and unblinking, rabid smile stretched across his mouth. “My last hope is your coven’s newest member. Isabella.”

Aro’s demented gaze fell through the Cullen ranks to Bella’s surprised face. Carlisle stiffened, Emmett flexed and subtly stepped in front of her. 

“Why?” her sire asked. 

Aro ignored him. “My dear, do come here so I can see you properly.”

Bella hesitated. In the back she was safe, and her role was to avoid all danger so she could protect the others. But they were so outnumbered that it seemed almost suicidal to say no. She looked out at the enemy soldiers, all glaring at her like they dared her to disobey; then she turned to Jasper, who surely knew what to do. He nodded, go.

She made her way to the front, feeling the vibrations of Emmett’s suppressed growl as she brushed past him. She stopped between Carlisle and Edward, but Aro immediately swept towards her and cupped her face with reverence, cutting off her view of them. 

“My dear Bella…” he whispered, “how intriguing you are still; even as a vampire. Your mind is as closed to me as ever. And I hear that your powers have only grown since we met last - is that right?”  

Edward looked like he wanted to rip Aro’s hand off his arm, but was held in place by the smirking face and threatening thoughts of Caius and the rest of the guard. Bella nodded in Aro’s hold, unable to move otherwise.

He grinned, eyes flashing. “That is excellent my dear, truly excellent. You are such a blessing to us all.”

Bella couldn’t respond, Carlisle did it for her. “What do you want from her?”

“What if you didn’t need to give me sympathy, Carlisle?” Aro’s voice sped up, his fingers squeezed Bella’s jaw. “What if we could change it?!”

“That would be wonderful, but I don’t know how…” Carlisle cast a wary glance between the hand tight on his daughter’s face and the poised fighters behind him.

Aro laughed, he moved his grasping fingers from Bella’s face to her waist, where he gripped her close to his side and gestured to the crowd. “When we escaped, we managed to take with us our greatest asset.”

One of the guards reached behind him and pulled out a tiny looking girl, swamped in a dark grey hood far too big for her.

“Selina here,” said Aro. “Can turn back time.”

“What?!”

“We found her in 1925! I believe you know Eleazar? He just stumbled across her on the Canadian border, what luck! We have tested it, of course. Numerous times! I had a great many notes on the subject that I would allow you to peruse Carlisle, but alas! They were destroyed in the fire!”

Carlisle spluttered. “This is unbelievable!”

“You have a girl who can see the future but cannot believe that I have one who can turn back the past?” Aro laughed. “Foolish.”

“So your plan…” Carlisle ventured, “is to rewind time and prevent the rebellion? Forgive me, Aro. But I don’t see why you need my daughter for that.”

“Oh because you see...” Aro finally let Bella go and began to pace. She shot backwards to the safety of Esme’s arms. 

“Selina on her own is useless! She cannot maintain a corporeal form in the past! We tried many times. The girl has relived history from the moment of her birth in 1885 to today dozens of times, as some sort of invisible phantom so she says. However, if she touches another person at the moment time is reversed, that person will go back too!

“It is not without cost, a normal vampire can go back only a few days before his mind and body fail. But we found, through our testing, that shields can go back without ill effects - the stronger the shield, the further they can go. That is where your Isabella comes in.”

“You want to send her back several years to stop a rebellion?” Carlisle whispered, his hands clenched into fists behind his back. 

“Not just several years, Carlisle!” Aro cried, laughing at his friend’s foolishness. “We tried that! We lost our last shield trying it! You see, the Romanians have a weapon - a powerful member of their coven that we were previously unaware of. The second they recruited that man, they became too powerful for us to defeat. I plan to send Isabella back to before they found their weapon. To stop their recruiting him! Then, when the time comes, they will not stand a chance against us!”

“But why Bella?” Carlisle gasped, “There are other shields! Please, Aro. As my friend, do not put my child in such danger!”

“Darling Bella is the only shield I know of who is possibly strong enough to withstand such a journey through time, Carlisle.” Aro put on a simpering smile that was clearly intended to be comforting. “You understand, I have my own coven to think of as well. And time is relative, she will come back!”

“Hardly.” Edward finally muttered, “What he isn’t telling you is that it’s a one way trip. The only way for her to come back will be if she survives all the way to the present, and that’s from 1942.”

“1942!” Carlisle gasped, “That’s seventy years! Aro please, surely you can see how this is unreasonable! She’s still a child! I can’t allow it!”

There was a murmur amongst the guards, Dimitri inched forward. But Aro wasn’t looking at Carlisle, his eyes were directly trained on Bella, that manic glint faded to a calculated edge.

“I believe you have more agency than your father allows, my dear. So I will speak directly to you. I do not expect you to do this favour for me with nothing in return.”

“What’s the point in offering a reward if she dies in the process…” Edward grumbled. Aro waved him off.

“Bella, you will find yourself in an incredible position, seventy years in the past with full knowledge of what will come. I give you my blessing to do as you like!”

Bella thought for a moment, her brow furrowed. “Anything I like…” 

“Absolutely anything!” he cried, “think of the riches! Think of all the things you could see and the people you could meet! Have you never looked back at history and wished you were there? What an incredible opportunity!”

Aro was trying really hard to sell it, but Bella’s head was in a different space. 

“Do I have to go back to 1942?” she asked, “Or can I go further?”

That took him a little off guard. “I’m sure you can go back further if you wish, my dear. Is there something in particular that you yearn to see?”

“No, but if I can do anything then surely I can change things?” She faltered. “Unless... What if I accidentally stop my own birth and wipe myself out of existence?”

“You can’t wipe yourself out of existence.” Aro said, appearing a little more serious now that someone else had the big ideas. “Allow me to explain the way it works. Selina, in conjunction with your shield, will make you a fixed point in time. What is the past for us will simply become the future for you, there is no way you can create… what is it those silly television shows call it?”

“Time paradoxes?” Bella replied.

“Yes, those. Even if you murdered your own parents and were never born, you would still exist. You would be completely immune from time paradoxes. That is why there cannot be a return trip. When you are sent back, the present will cease to exist. It would just be a hypothetical future, just as the future is to us now.”

“So I can change things? Anything I like? How far back can I go?”

He opened his hands. “By all means, change what you like. I believe the limit is the year Selina was born, 1885.”

“Okay!” Bella nodded, a smile growing. “1885’s good!”

“Woah, Bella wait.” Edward stepped back from his position by Carlisle and touched her arm. “You’re making me nervous here. You can’t possibly be considering…”

“Think about it, Edward!” She caught hold of his hand. “If I’m going back seventy years anyway, why not go back a bit further and change some things?”

“What kind of things? What are you planning?”

“Everything! All the bad things that have happened to us! I could stop them!”

“What?” Edward shook his head as if to clear the offending idea. “No, Bella... You can’t stop every bad thing from happening. Even if it wasn’t literally impossible to do, that’s way too much to take on yourself. And besides, you’re not going. There is no way you are going.”

A growl rumbled through the guard, Jasper turned and sent Edward a warning look.

“I don’t think I have much of a choice, love.” Bella told her terrified husband. “But if I’m risking my life anyway, I might as well go back and stop Rose and Esme being attacked, or Alice being tortured, or your parents dying. What kind of person would I be if I didn’t at least try?”

Edward sighed, his face distraught. “But why 1885? Surely the earliest you would need to go is 1910! Why the extra twenty five years?”

“Well…”

“Bella, you can’t.” 

Jasper had finally taken his eyes off the Volturi guard for long enough to participate in the discussion. Bella turned from where she was still nestled against Esme’s chest to look at him properly.

“Why can’t I?”

“I…” he sighed, “I know what you’re thinking. And I appreciate it, Bella. I really do. But I can’t let you go anywhere near the Southern Wars. It was more brutal than anything you’ve ever seen and anything I could ever bear you seeing. Please, you’ll die. Leave me out of this, you can come get me when I break myself out.”

“In what? 1935?” Bella gaped. “I’m not letting you stay in a war camp for fifty years longer than you have to!”

“I doubt you would have a choice even if you tried! You’ve never seen conflict on this scale before! You’ve never even won a fight!”

“I’ll ask for help!” she insisted, “I’ll find Carlisle first, there’s nomads, maybe even the Volturi. I won’t just jump in blind, I promise.”

Jasper sighed in indignation.

“But… Bella,” Alice said, her eyes darting between her sister and increasingly distressed husband, “there would be no coming back, if you change things we won't be the same people. The family would be gone. At least if you only go to 1942 we would still all be together.”

“We will still be together!” Bella said, “You’ve told me yourself, Ali. Some things are meant to be and some people are meant to be together and that’s us. You’ll have different experiences and to a point that will make you different people, but your cores will be the same! Besides, I’m the only one who would notice any differences!”

“I don’t think it’s that simple, darling…” Esme whispered, her forehead resting on the top of Bella’s hair. 

“But at one point or another, you have all said you wished you had a choice. This is my chance to give that to you. I have to, please understand that I have to.”

Her family stood silent, she continued on.

“Just think. Every tragedy, every slip up, every human we’ve accidentally hurt or killed. I could stop it, make it so it never happened. I could even stop some of you becoming vampires if that’s what you really want.”

Nobody replied, but Esme tightened her hold around Bella’s waist and Edward raised her palm to his cheek and then turned his face into it. 

“My mind is made up.” She said, “I’m going. Either tell me what you need me to do or I’ll wing it and mess something up.”

Carlisle let out a loud sigh and turned to Aro. “Are you in a particular rush, or do we have time to prepare her?”

He waved his hand dismissively, “I don’t have anywhere to be. But don’t take too long, if you please. Our situation is somewhat… uncomfortable. I’ll give you two hours.”

“Right…” Carlisle turned to Bella. “I guess we need to form some kind of plan.”

Chapter Text

When she was human, Bella never dared hope for the relationship she would one day have with Rosalie. About six months after Victoria’s attack and Bella’s turning, Rose just “got over it” - as Emmett so eloquently put it. She had been furious: at Bella for being in this situation in the first place, at Edward for running away, perhaps a little bit at herself for not stopping it. But then, one day, she plonked down on the sofa with the others and informed Bella that they were sisters, and that was that.

It wasn’t perfect, but nothing is. They were sisters. And because of that, Bella knew when Rose was tormenting herself. On the anniversary of her turning every year, Rose would run to New York and stand in the street where it happened. She would stare at the spot where she bled out on the road until the skies got dark and Emmett would come to coax her home. When Bella spoke of changing things in their pasts, she knew she spoke directly to Rose. She could practically see her sister’s internal debate from the line between her perfect eyebrows and the way she avoided her husband’s gaze.

Once Carlisle had ushered everyone back into the house for privacy, Rose darted upstairs faster than the human eye could follow. Emmett went to go after her but was caught by Edward’s hand on his shoulder.

“Give her a minute…” he whispered.

Emmett shrugged out of his hold. “I know how to comfort my damn wife, Eddie.”

“Comfort isn’t what she needs right now.” Edward replied.

Emmett fell silent. It was not difficult to understand what was tormenting her so.

“Bella.” Carlisle drew her attention. “Are you really sure you want to do this? You could join us in 1942, we would help you with the Romanians. There would be much less risk.”

“If you weren’t so worried about my safety, would you want these things changed?” Bella asked. Carlisle glanced at the ground and bit his lip for a moment, it was all the confirmation she needed.

“I need instructions,” she said. “I can change a little or a lot, it’s up to all of you. But you’re gonna have to tell me how to do it.”

Alice sighed. “Maybe we should start at the beginning? Carlisle, where will you be in 1885?”

“New York,” he replied, “I should be easy enough to find, and potentially convince. I have always known what Aro is capable of…” He slowly made his way to his office. “I will write some letters to take with you, one as instructions for you and one for my former self. I advise everyone else to do the same.”

Emmett hummed in the silence. “That’s a good idea… though my instructions’ll be pretty simple. I’m happy. There are things I wish never happened, and people I wish had never crossed my path - and I’ll give you those details. But other than that… just let me turn the way I did originally.”

Bella managed a smile. “Sounds easy enough.”

It was a small comfort, at least, to know that she would eventually have her big brother with her. Even though at that point she would be about fifty years older than him… That was too strange a thought to dwell on.

Alice groaned a few quiet moments later. “Why the hell didn’t I see this? Why didn’t I fucking see this?”

“You can’t put that on yourself.” Bella tried to contradict her when no one else did, not even Jasper.

“I can and I do!” She snapped. “I should have kept a closer eye on Aro! I hadn’t even thought about watching the Romanians! I was so content to just sit around like life was all perfect and didn’t think about everything that could go-”

“Alice, stop.” Bella grasped her sister’s shoulders and shook them. “What’s done is done. We have to focus on what to do next. Think of the good side, is there anything you want changing?”

Alice held in a dry sob and gripped Bella’s wrists where they rested. “I don’t remember anything about my human life before I was turned. But I know my family put me in an asylum and then told everyone I was dead so I assume it wasn’t the best... I suppose I would like it if you came and got me before they gave me the electro shock therapy… or the water therapy.”

Bella nodded. “I’m sure I can manage that.”

“You can turn me immediately,” Alice continued. “I don’t mind. And… if you can’t do it it’s fine, but if you could get me before they cut all my hair off that would be great.”

“I’ll try my best.” Bella smiled beseechingly at her. “And hey, think of the hair opportunities that will open up for you!”

Alice snorted, a bitter smile on her face. “Braiding, curling, updos… Ponytails?”

“The hair world will be your oyster!” Bella grinned.

They fell back into an awkward silence. Bella searched around the room for someone who might be having an easy decision. Esme might have, but she looked too worried to think of anything productive. Edward was staring blankly into space. She could only hope that he would shake himself out of it before she had to leave. Rose was upstairs, Emmett and Alice had already told her what they wanted, that left Jasper.

He was already staring at her, looking her up and down like he was trying to memorise what she looked like.

He settled on her face. “Is there any way I can convince you not to do this?”

“You don’t want me to go back?” She asked.

“I don’t think we have the luxury of that choice.” He sighed. “Saving the others is an excellent idea. I don’t see there being any additional risk to you if you go back to 1910 as opposed to 1942. Other than the pressure I have no doubt you would put upon yourself, obviously… But going to 1885 is just an unnecessary risk.”

“I don’t think it’s unnecessary.”

“Well I do!” He groaned. “Bella, you will most likely die! And there is a very strong chance that I would be the one to kill you! Please don’t take that risk! Just leave me to be found in the fifties!”

“Jaz, if you weren’t worried about my safety, would you want me to get you out?”

“That isn’t the point! And it’s irrelevant anyway because I-”

“He would.” Edward interrupted. “His time in the wars is his biggest regret.”

Jasper glared daggers at him, “I thought you of all people would want her to stay away from there!”

“Of course I do!” He snipped back. “But you know she’ll go anyway! Help her or she won’t even stand a chance.”

“She might not stand a chance anyway!”

“I have my shield,” Bella piped up. “And I’m pretty good at hiding!”

Jasper groaned and dropped his head into his hand. “Bella, you can’t be stubborn and naive.”

“Then you’ll have to give her plenty of instructions.” Edward wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “She’ll try whether you like it or not. You know that.”

Jasper heaved a final sigh. “I’ll go draw up some instructions… and a couple of maps… maybe some diagrams.”

Jasper gave her one last dark look and trudged up the stairs to his study. Esme took hold of Bella’s hand.

“Could I talk to you, sweetheart?” She asked, and pulled her away to her bedroom. “Let’s give everyone a chance to get out of that heavy atmosphere, shall we?”

She closed the door and immediately pulled Bella into the tightest of hugs. “You are so brave,” she whispered. “I couldn’t begin to do what you’re taking on, and you’re so young still…”

“I’ll be okay.”

“Yes, I know you will.” Esme patted Bella’s back hair into place. “You may be young, but you have always been capable. You can do anything you put your mind to, remember that.”

Bella smiled up at her mother, trying not to imagine spending forty years without her. Esme led her to sit on her soft four poster bed. The gossamer curtains tickled her neck.

“You know my history.” Esme began. “I met Carlisle when I was 16, but only briefly. Back then girls were expected to marry young, or they were considered burdens on their families. I was pressured into marrying a man called Charles Evenson when I was 22, in 1917. He was a violent man and he treated me abominably…”

Esme paused, but Bella could not fill the silence. There was nothing she could say.

“... Edward killed him, you know.” Esme whispered, “He tried to hide it but confided in me eventually. Carlisle doesn’t know, he didn’t want him to.”

“Oh…” Bella tried not to think about Edward taking human lives, or that he hid this from her.

Esme squeezed her hand. “I have always regretted not courting Carlisle,” she said.

Bella stared. “You mean like, dating?”

“Yes, in a way… but courting was always a little more romantic than dating. There were so many restrictions placed on you, so much honour and courtesy involved that every little stolen kiss would make your knees flutter for days. It would last for months and every day you saw him would feel so special. Like the first magical few weeks at the beginning of a modern relationship, where everything is new and exciting. I didn’t love Charles as I ought to have, but courting was so invigorating still. I wish I could have had that experience with Carlisle.”

“Do you want me to change that?” Bella asked. “Bring him to you before you marry Evenson so you can court properly, be in a relationship as a human like me and Edward?”

“I think I would…” She sighed, “but it’s a risk, what if we don’t feel the same way with different experiences?”

“I don’t think that will be an issue,” Carlisle said softly from the doorway, somehow having managed to sneak up on two vampires. “I’m sorry for eavesdropping. But really, don’t worry. Even when you were 16 I could see your wonderful soul. Had you been of age I am sure I would have loved you from the beginning.”

Esme smiled brightly up at her husband. “Well then. My mind is made up. Perhaps if we met when I was a little older, we could…”

“Court?” A slow grin spread across Carlisle’s face, “I’ll look forward to it, Miss Platt.”

“Right!” Esme sprung up, bringing Bella with her. “I’ve taken up too much precious time. Let’s go join the others.”

It was surprising to have such a lighthearted conversation in the midst of all this pain. But if anyone knew when to cut their losses and focus on brightening the world as it was, it was Carlisle and Esme.

Downstairs was almost empty. Edward was still there, he looked up as she entered the room and followed her every move with his eyes as if she might fade away.

Once her foot touched the ground at the bottom of the stairs, Jasper’s office door opened and he jumped over the balustrade to land directly in front of her.

“Bella!” He said. “I’ve written instructions for you, I’ll probably write more in a minute... But if you have time now, I’d like to teach you how to deal with newborns? Or as much as I can in the time we have.”

Bella glanced at her husband, who gave her a weak smile. He was suffering, and she knew why. She would be just as scared if this were happening to him, just as distressed. She liked to think she might be a little more proactive - but she knew her husband was a brooder when she married him. She knew what he would end up telling her to do, but wouldn’t hold it against him if he decided differently. He had always regretted becoming a vampire. It was no secret, and she knew that his indecision was most likely between her and his humanity. She would understand if he chose to stay human… in theory. The closer Edward got to potentially deciding not to be with her, the more her chest clenched and her head spun. It was not a reality she wanted to think about.

She turned her attention back to Jasper, who was staring at her with an eyebrow cocked and his mouth tense. “Okay,” she said. “Let’s go outside.”

They faced each other in Esme’s expertly groomed garden.

“Feet hip width apart, knees slightly bent,” Jasper ordered.

Bella did as he said and he sped behind her to adjust her posture. “Right foot forward, chest low, elbows back.”

He took up a fighting stance in front of her. “I’ll do some basic hits, you dodge them.”

He aimed some punches at her head and torso which she evaded with relative ease. He picked up the pace bit by bit and started swatting at her head and swiping at her knees, she ducked out of the way each time with less and less success. Finally he ducked down and threw his upper body into her legs. She leapt back, landing with a spray of mud flaring out behind her. In a heartbeat he was in front of her. With no time to dodge she threw her arm out to catch his hit and was thrown to the side, spinning into a nearby tree.

“That was actually decent… for a starting point.” He helped her up, “don’t try to block, it relies on strength. Newborns will always be stronger than you, but they are easily enraged. Your advantage is your ability to keep a clear head. If you dodge them for long enough, they will get frustrated and distracted. That’s when you find higher ground and jump on them from above - okay?”

She nodded and rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet, adjusting her balance.

Jasper retook his place across the manicured lawn. “Okay, try again. Stay in motion, don’t wait for me to hit again.”

Bella tried again, and tried, and tried, and tried.

“How are you doing that?” She cried as he knocked her on her butt for the seventh time. “What am I doing wrong?”

“Come here and get back into the position you were in just before you went down,” he gestured.

She stood before him and got into the same stance. When she fell she had been in the middle of evading him, and doing quite well actually. But he suddenly changed direction and before she knew it she was flying into Esme’s neatly trimmed roses.

“Your arm was bent out like this.” Jasper moved her hand to where it had been curled beside her ear, her elbow sticking out in front of her. “I know your instinct is to protect your head - and it should be. But one quick shove to your elbow and you’re down.” He illustrated this by smacking into it and sending her catapulting to the side. “Simple physics.”

“Okay, fair point.” Bella dusted herself off. “So what do I do instead? You keep getting really close to hitting me no matter how much I dodge.”

“That’s because I’m a trained fighter with 150 years under my belt.” He smirked, “You’re doing fairly well, considering. Make sure you stay in motion, zip around me and break my focus. Hit me and run to confuse me.”

He dropped back into his fighting stance, then paused. He sighed and his shoulders dropped. “One more try, then we should probably stop. Aro will be getting impatient soon.”

He had forgotten why they were doing this.

Bella stiffened at the reminder. She had been so focussed on the fighting and how her family was feeling that she had almost forgotten too. She hadn’t fully processed that she would be sent to the past in about half an hour.

She couldn’t help but kick herself. Why had they never done this before? Why had she never asked Jasper to take her to a clearing and teach her defence? Why had she never gone to fashion week with Alice? She knew it would make her happy but she never did it. Why had she never asked Esme to teach her to draw? She wrote books, why had she never sat Carlisle down and written his whole story? So many missed opportunities, so many regrets.

“Come on,” Jasper drew her attention and a wave of his artificial calm washed over her. “One more go.”

Bella took a deep breath, and when Jasper came charging towards her she slipped cleanly to the side away from him. He turned to land a blow on her head, but she ducked down and jabbed his side then darted around him in the opposite direction. His fist shot towards her leg but she leapt and sailed over his head. She landed behind him and scrabbled up his back to his shoulders, reaching for his neck. But he grabbed her reaching hands, swung her whole body over his head and slammed her on the ground. Within half a second he was on top of her with his teeth grazing her neck.

“Damn it…” She muttered.

Jasper snorted as he pulled her up to her feet. “Don’t beat yourself up, if you do that against an actual newborn you’ll probably win.”

“Really?!”

“Yes. You need to keep practicing though.”

They turned back to the house, Emmett was stood leaning against the back door frame, wiping an imaginary tear. His signature grin was plastered on his face, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “My baby sister is a newborn killer! I’ve never been so proud!”

Bella rolled her eyes and smiled. “Let’s hope I don’t actually have to kill any.”

“Well yeah, not without me watching!” Emmett’s grin wavered and fell, “Rose wants to talk to you.”

“Okay,” she nodded. “I’ll go find her now.”

“No need.” Rose pushed past Emmett and grabbed her hand. “Let’s go somewhere private.”

They ran together through the forest to a clearing by the river, Emmett followed close behind them. Rose stood still for a moment, staring out at the rushing water and the babbling fish living beneath it.

“I don’t know how to start…” she mumbled.

“It’s okay,” Bella replied. “I know how hard this must be for you.”

Rose abruptly turned and grabbed Bella in a tight hug. “I love you,” she whispered. “Thank you for doing this. Thank you for risking yourself for Jaz. There is nothing we could ever do to repay you.”

Bella squeezed her sister. “What else could I do?”

“You could go back to 1942, accept our help and just settle into the coven 60 years early.” Rose pulled back and smiled at her. “But that’s not you.”

Bella just smiled as Rosalie searched for her words. “I’m happy with my life,” Rose said. “I love my family and I love Emmett. I really really do.”

“I know.” Bella took her hand. “No one could question that.”

“It’s just…” Rosalie took a shaky breath, “I was raped.”

“Yes, you were.”

“I’d like you to stop that… please.”

“Of course,” Bella frowned. “I would have done that even if you hadn’t asked me to.”

“Thank you… That attack. It took everything from me, everything I’d ever hoped for. I’ve always wished I had a chance y’know? A normal marriage, kids? So I...”

Rose stopped, choking on the words. She stared at a hole in the dark ground.

“It’s okay, Rosie.” Emmett wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pressed a kiss to her temple. “I understand, I promise.”

Rose exhaled and tightened her grip on Bella’s hand. “Keep me away from Royce King. Give me a few years and if I’m not married with children and happy by then, turn me so I can be with Emmett.”

“Are you sure?”

Rose tightened her jaw and nodded. “Let’s say, 25? Give me until I’m 25. And I mean it about the children. It doesn’t matter if I’m married to a good man, no one is better than Emmett. No one. I just… have always wished I could have had children.”

“I know,” Bella leaned her forehead against her sister’s. “I understand, I promise. I’ll go to you when you’re a teenager. Alice, Edward and Jasper should be with me by then. We’ll keep you safe and with their collection of voodoo powers we’ll know if you’re happy or not. It’ll be okay.”

“I trust you.” Rose heaved a tearless sob. “I feel like a bitch.”

“But you’re our bitch,” Emmett pulled both of them into a hug. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting this, babe. I promise I understand.”

Bella heaved a breath and took them in for a minute, her brother and sister that she could love so uncomplicatedly.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Edward came out of the forest towards them. “We don’t have much longer and I need to talk to my wife.”

“Okay,” Rose hugged Bella one last time and kissed her cheek. “See you in a little bit.”

She and Emmett passed Edward on their way out of the clearing. For a man who was no stranger to brooding, Bella had never seen him so distressed.

He wrapped her in a hug in a blink of an eye. “Are you okay?” He whispered.

“I should be asking you.” She replied, “this is all so awful.”

“Here I thought you were excited about it, making plans.”

“Just trying to make the best of a bad situation,” she tilted her head back to look at him. “I’m terrified really.”

Edward squeezed her back to his chest and rested his lips on the crown of her head. She stood there for a moment, basking in the tranquility.

“Have you decided what you want?” She asked.

“I want to be with you.”

“Already done.” She spoke into his chest. “How about something else?”

“You come find me,” he said, “you turn me, we’ll be together forever. Job done.”

“That’s it?”

“Maybe...” he started rocking her from side to side, his lips never leaving the sanctuary of her hair. “Maybe get my parents out of Chicago before the influenza? It wouldn’t guarantee they’d survive but they would have a better chance.”

“Absolutely, good idea.” Bella nestled her face further into her husband’s chest and breathed in his comforting scent. “About the me turning you and us being together forever part…”

“...What about it?”

“Edward, you’ve always regretted becoming a vampire. I can stop that happening.”

“No, love. Being with you is more important than that.”

“But you could stay human, we could still be together just you wouldn’t need to drink blood.”

“One lifetime isn’t enough for me.” Edward pulled back to look her in the eye. “I don’t care what’s going on for me as a human, you find me and you turn me. I’ll fall in love with you because how could I not? Then we’ll be together, as we should be. Okay?”

“Edward, I can’t turn you against your will…” Bella whispered, his lips came to hover over hers.

“Sweetheart, this is my will.” He punctuated each word with a kiss. “You are and always will be everything I have ever wanted. It doesn’t matter which version of me it is. I know this to be true.”

They kissed for a brief, perfect moment. Bella relished in the comfort and simplicity in the feeling of his lips on hers and his hands on her waist and back.

“It’s time…” he finally whispered.

“I don’t want to go…”

He exhaled a shaky laugh, “I don’t want you to go either but Aro is getting antsy.”

“It’s not like he has anywhere else to be.”

“Mm,” Edward moved from their embrace to leading her back to the house. “What can I say, he’s selfish.”

“Well that’s an understatement.”

They walked in silence, as slowly as they dared until the statuesque Cullen house came into view through the trees. The ominous black void of the Volturi still stood in front of it, waiting for her.

“Bella.” Carlisle met them in the yard, “I’m afraid we’re out of time. We have all written letters for you with instructions and messages… here.”

He handed her a worn leather satchel with the initials C.C. etched into the front. “To keep it all in,” he said. “And here,” he produced a heavy metal box with a keypad on the front. “I wouldn’t keep it all on you at once, but don’t trust any bank safeboxes until after the Great Depression, okay? Bury what you don’t need right away in this and it’ll be safe.”

“Okay,” Bella took the satchel, box, and letters. “Don’t trust banks, got it.”

Carlisle breathed a smile, “Esme is compiling some pictures for you, everyone else is in the living room. Come on.”

The tension in the living room was palpable, everyone stood in a clump in the middle with no idea what to say. Only Alice moved when Bella entered the circle. She reached up to hug her tight around her neck, then removed the bracelet from her own wrist and fastened it on Bella’s. The words didn’t need to be spoken, to remember her by.

Similarly, Rose took her necklace, a string of long pearls with a pendant at the end, and draped it over Bella’s head. “Love you,” she whispered.

Esme ran in holding a huge book, “I have loads of pictures for you, sweetheart. Some to convince us who you are, and some just to, you know… have.”

Bella hugged her tight. “Thank you, Esme.”

Esme squeezed her shoulders, inhaling her hair and rocking her side to side. “Know that no matter what happens, sweetheart, you are loved.”

Jasper tapped her shoulder, holding a tape recorder. “Carlisle and I recorded messages for our past selves. I packed you spare batteries, but when it dies it dies.”

The air around him was buzzing, he was struggling to keep control of his gift. Bella couldn’t help her rush of affection and reached up on her toes to wrap her arms around his neck.

“Thanks Jaz.”

He froze for a second, then exhaled and wound his arms tight around her waist. The buzzing relaxed into more of a pulse. He pressed his face into her hair and murmured almost silently into it.

“Please please be careful...”

“I’ll try,” she whispered back.

He slowly, reluctantly let her go, and she turned away to hug Emmett; but Alice stopped her.

“Hold on…” Alice frowned and pulled Carlisle over to them by the wrist. She had an old polaroid camera in hand that Bella recognised from Esme’s desk.

“We couldn’t find a picture of just you three and you’ll probably need one.” She said. “There will be quite a gap between finding Carlisle and Jaz and finding the rest of us, and you might not want to tell them everything.”

“Wait,” Emmett frowned, “why wouldn’t you tell them everything?”

“I…” Bella bit back an inappropriate grin. Trust Alice to predict her. “I hadn’t really thought about it, but I suppose I wouldn’t tell you too much about the future. It would ruin things for you to know who you were going to meet and who you were going to love. I guess I’ll keep some secrets.”

“Hence the polaroid.” Alice ushered Carlisle closer in and he wrapped his arms around his son and daughter. She snapped the shot. “I don’t need to see the future to know what’s coming.”

Bella planted a quick, affectionate kiss on the top of Alice’s head as she finally made her way to Emmett. He scooped her off her feet immediately and crushed her tight to his chest. She held on tight as his shoulders started to shake. His jolly facade was crumbling under her hands.

“I’m scared,” he finally whispered just to her, “I love you and I’m scared.”

“Me too,” she replied, “but it’ll be okay. Trust me.”

“Always.”

At least he had faith in her, because she sure didn’t. It was so plainly obvious that they were saying goodbye to her as if she were dying, and most likely she was.

Emmett put her down and she was pulled tight into Edward’s comforting side. She almost dragged him to the front door as he so desperately tried to hold on.

Aro was waiting in the front yard, the tiny time traveller swamped in her grey cloak stood next to him. His smile was slimy, on the face of a man who knew he was about to get everything he wanted.

“I thought I would join in on the letter writing, dear Bella.” He passed her a thick parchment envelope, “I have written you some instructions for dealing with our little Romanian problem. Thank you again for your… cooperation.”

The Cullens artfully ignored him, Edward wrapped his arms around her and kissed her slowly, heartfelt and passionate. “I love you.”

She didn’t tell him that she loved him too, instead she did his favourite thing and lifted her shield from her head. She didn’t have to tell him, she showed him. She showed him every second of joy he had given her, every memory that she would treasure for the rest of her life. All the laughter, all the heartache, all the love. She cycled through them over and over in her head until he gave in and gasped dry sobs into her neck.

Her shield snapped back into place and she lifted her hands to card her fingers through his hair. He held her tight enough to meld them into one. She wished such a thing could be possible.

Aro cleared his throat and she gently pulled away. Edward made a heartbreaking noise as she left the cocoon of his arms, Emmett clapped a comforting and restraining hand on his shoulder.

Carlisle sighed and stepped forwards, he secured her satchel around her shoulder and stroked her hair back. “got everything?”

She nodded and tugged him into a hug, “I’ll see you soon.”

“Yes… I suppose you will.”

Aro cleared his throat again, forcing her to pull away.

“So how do I do this thing?”

He grinned. “Just touch Selena’s hand. She’s ready for you.”

“Okay…” Bella sighed and turned to look back at her family. She took a snapshot of the moment, them all standing together on the porch, saying goodbye to her. The unshed tears in Esme’s eyes, the pain in Rosalie’s clenched hands. Emmett’s love, Jasper’s worry, Carlisle’s distress. Emmett had both hands on Edward’s shoulders, ready to hold him back. Alice held his and her husband’s hands. She looked like her world was crumbling. Edward looked like he was ready to rip his down.

But there was no putting it off anymore. No way to avoid it. No way to save herself. It was time.

She extended her hand behind her, catching Selena’s. Her eyes did not leave Edward’s, not until the world had spun away and he had been lost to the future.

The world came swimming in and out of view, and then she was standing in that same forest. Alone.

Chapter Text

November 20th, 1885.

Bella’s world came back into focus a few moments later. Her phantom heart stuttered as she desperately looked around her. Where her family and her home had once stood was thick with trees, there was nothing to show where the clearing had been, nothing to show anyone had ever lived there. Because no one had, yet.

She took a deep, steadying breath and looked at the items in the bag Carlisle had given her. In its soft leather confines were letters from all her family, photographs of them; she couldn’t risk them all being damaged. 

She pragmatically sorted through them and took the letters, the maps, the cassette player, batteries for it, and two pictures; the polaroid of her, Carlisle and Jasper; and one of the whole family together. They had gone to a wedding, one of the Denali sisters had fallen for Carlisle’s old friend, Garrett. They looked pretty as a picture, dressed in all their finery and laughing at something said off camera. Her eyes lingered on Edward’s arm wrapped around her shoulders and Alice’s hand resting on her elbow. This was love, this was home. 

And this would have to do for now. 

She placed everything else in the sturdy metal box, including the jewelry her sisters had given her. She took a second to look at them, Alice’s dainty rose quartz bracelet and Rose’s indulgent ruby pendant, and safely stowed them away. She then returned her diminished cargo back into the bag. Then she realized she had forgotten her most precious keepsake of all. Her wedding ring. 

Bella stared at it for a moment. It would be a tragedy if she lost it, and she was arguably coming up to the physically hardest part of her journey at the very beginning. What if she got in a fight and it was damaged? Or if she had to jump into water and it fell off? She would never forgive herself, it was smarter by far to take it off and bury it in the box for safe keeping. 

Yet every rational bone in Bella’s body was not strong enough against the part inside of her that was screaming. This was her last piece of Edward, the last thing she had that held his touch, his love. The ring that he had put on her finger and promised to love her forever with. She could not leave it behind, at least not at that moment. 

Bella slipped the ring off and put it in a secure pocket inside the lining of her bag instead. She could come back and bury it someday, but until then she would keep it with her.

With her organizing done, she shut the box with a click and set the pin code to 7509, her wedding date. She squeezed her eyes tight shut, unable to part with the box containing her heart for that moment, and opened up Carlisle’s letter instead. She hungrily absorbed his words and the comfort they offered, then folded the letter back up and neatly placed it back in her bag. 

She had work to do, so much work, and step one was to find Carlisle. 

She rose to her feet and looked around herself for a specific tree. She had not moved from the spot she had been sent from yet, and turned to where she knew it would be. It was 20 feet south east of her, much smaller than she remembered, but still larger than the ones surrounding it.  When she was first turned she climbed it herself, and marveled in her new found strength. When her eyes first turned golden, Emmett made her climb that tree with him and they howled at the moon like her friends of old. When she and Edward returned from their honeymoon, he carved their initials into its thick trunk. ‘So we’ll truly live forever.’ he joked. This was the house they ran to when she was turning, her first home in her new life; and it was gone. 

She finally took a step forward, away from where she had been sent back and towards the tree that held so many memories, unblemished and unknown. It was there that she buried her box, nestled in its roots, deep in the ground. Once she had found a stable residence she would come back for it, but for now it was safe.

When she was done, she rested her head against the rough bark of the tree. She was finished, she was ready. She now had to face this strange new world that she had been sent to.

She turned, but was faced with a strange and unexpected sight. Selina stood there, puffy dress and oversized cloak intact, but completely transparent. She looked back at Bella, right in the eye, with three times as much expression in her face as she had had before, which still wasn’t much. She reached her hand out, as if to touch, but disappeared again before Bella could make contact.

Bella stared at the empty space in front of her, shaken. Of all the insane things to happen to her in the past two hours, that was the icing on the cake. She shook herself, the world still appeared as it had been, she hadn’t moved back into the future. The forest stood around her, creaking in the wind with not a sound or sight of humanity for miles. 

She couldn’t dwell on this. She had to run east.

____________________________________________________________________________

Bella, 

I hope this message finds you well. This situation is so beyond anything we have ever imagined and I truly fear for you, my child. 

Bella tried to ignore her shaking hands as she silently scaled the garden wall of a nearby manor house. She had run for about five hours already, sticking only to dense woodlands, and estimated that she was somewhere near Minnesota. Soon she would need more specific directions and would no doubt struggle to ask for them while wearing jeans. 

Her hands did not shake because scaling the wall was physically difficult, even though it was ridiculously tall for a simple wall. She was a police officer’s daughter, and stealing was most definitely not something that had ever been encouraged. Still, needs must, and when she reached the top she grabbed the simplest looking garment hanging on the line. 

She didn’t want to steal someone’s corset, especially when she wasn’t sure how to put one on without ripping it to pieces. She didn’t want to steal in general, life in the 1800’s was hard enough without having someone steal your clothes from the line. She had chosen this particular house because she assumed the inhabitants could afford to spare some clothing, but still she worried. 

She listened again to make sure nobody was nearby and took off her shirt, then slipped the dark blue dress on over her head. Thankfully it was full of fabric with ties at every opening to adjust the size. It didn’t look like she was wearing someone else’s dress, although it fit very strangely in places and the back trailed on the floor in a way that didn’t look intentional.

Bella peeled her jeans off under the skirts and kicked them over to where her shirt sat. There were obviously no shoes drying out in the cold November sun, but she hoped the leather boots she was already wearing would pass, even if their soles were a chunky rubber and their laces topped with plastic.

Mindful of the cold weather, Bella stole an old looking black coat from the end of the line, so she hopefully wouldn’t attract too much attention as she walked unaccompanied across the country. She picked up her abandoned clothing, and with one last apologetic look at the manor, jumped over the steep wall. 

She clutched her clothes to her chest and took one last long breath of them. She smelled Alice’s scent from when she had presented her with the shirt that morning. ‘I think you should try purple more!’ she had said. She prayed a silent sorry to her unborn best friend and shredded the shirt and jeans to confetti, unrecognizable to any human but hopefully useful to a bird making his nest.

Bella brushed herself off of the remnants of her clothes, then checked where east was and once again began to run, mindful of her skirts this time. 

I have never enjoyed the nomadic lifestyle, until I found Edward I spent my life jumping from city to city, treating those who could not afford other doctors’ rates until my immortality drew suspicion. I spent my existence alone. Afterall I had no other choice, while I had many friends it was impossible to stay in contact without a permanent address.

Bella continued to run in an eastward direction, but the woodland was becoming more sparse and the area much more populated as she came nearer to Lake Michigan. She eventually had no choice but to walk alongside the road at a brisk human pace. Thankfully, the sun was clouded over in the cold November evening, so she didn’t have to worry about exposing her skin. Still, she tried not to make eye contact with people she passed.

“Excuse me, miss!” A passing man called from his horse, “Do you require assistance?”

Bella smiled tightly at the man, trying to figure out what the etiquette was for this. “No, thank you sir!” She called back, then reconsidered. “Actually, you don’t know exactly where we are, do you?”

“Where we are?”

“Yes! For example, how far away is…” she struggled to think of a city on her route “...Chicago?” 

The man frowned. “We are about 2 hours from Chicago by horse. Are you sure you do not need my assistance, miss? It will be night soon, you can’t walk alone.”

Bella smiled, at night she could move much more quickly without having to stick to the forest. With any luck, she would be in Pennsylvania by morning. “No, I’ll be fine! Thank you for your help!”

She walked away from the dumbstruck man, glaring at the mid evening sun and daring it to retreat faster. 

Finally night fell and she gathered her skirts up in her hands so she could run at top speed. The delicate material still ripped a little in her hands, but it was almost impossible to prevent. How female vampires could stay mobile in these clothes, she had no idea.

She ran off road and passed near very few humans; though one camp looked up startled as she ran past them at full speed, their tent fluttered violently in the air she displaced. Within minutes she approached the looming dark mass of Chicago. She quickly hunted a passing deer and then ran right through, careful to stick to alleyways and rooftops, since there were far more people out than in the countryside. 

She made better time than expected, by the time dawn broke, she was in Pennsylvania and could slip into the forest again. She couldn’t slow down now, she was almost there. 

As for your instructions: in 1885, I was in New York city, working in the tenement slums. I had rooms on Clyde Avenue, but spent the majority of my time in my office in the Lower East Side. You are most likely to find me there.

Bella had no memories of New York. She and her mom had gone to see a Broadway show and all the touristy sights when she was a child, but that memory had faded into obscurity along with the rest of her human life. Still, when she finally finished her journey and stood in the center of the busy city, it was jarring to not see what she was supposed to. There were no towers peeking out of the skyline, no cars in gridlock at every road. People were yelling constantly and yet it seemed quiet without heavy construction noise. When Bella looked out to where she knew the Statue of Liberty should be, there was only a half constructed plinth. This was not the city she knew. 

Be aware that there will be a lot of sick and wounded. I trust in your control, but we have not tested it in such a dense city, and accidents were much more common at the time. Be careful. If the blood is too much for you, go to my apartment and wait for me there. I would return home every few days to change my clothes and was somewhat accustomed to vampire acquaintances dropping in.

Logic dictated that the Lower East Side would be south east of the center of the city, so Bella headed that way. After asking some helpful and many not so helpful people for directions, she found herself walking down a street that was absolutely not fit for human habitation. It made sense that Carlisle would choose to work here, at every window and doorway there was a hungry child or a disabled parent. No one could afford a doctor here, there was no way. She could smell the disease and infection from the street.

Bella felt sure that this putrid stench of vomit and decay would stop her craving any blood she smelt, but then a laborer passed her. The dirty bandages across his palms did very little to disguise the smell of blood from his hard day’s work. It was old blood, mixed with sweat and dirt. But it was human and Bella needed it. 

Her throat erupted into flames and her vision began to cloud. She held her breath and clenched her eyes shut. She didn’t need to kill him, she could resist killing him. She purposefully turned around and looked back the way she had come. She had only walked ten feet, there was no way she could go to the middle of the slums to find Carlisle. No, she needed to find his apartment instead.

If you are waylaid, I will be in New York until 1888, after which time I relocate to Toronto. Addresses for my lodgings there, and for the next twenty years have been included in the envelope, just in case. I dearly hope you find me as quickly as possible. This is an unknown world to you, a harsh world, and I worry that I have sheltered you from those realities. 

Clyde Avenue was a quiet, modest looking street. Tall townhouses lined the road and well to do, middle class pedestrians roamed. Bella finally wasn’t so overwhelmed and could actually appreciate the sights around her. The red brick of the houses, the mustaches on the men, the canes and the hats and the bustles on the backs of the women. She got several strange looks, no doubt for her ratty dress and untamed hair. 

She found the building; 125 Clyde Avenue, apartment 3B. The porch smelt like tobacco smoke and men lingered on the stairwell. They looked at her like she was an alien as she pushed her way past them. 

When Bella knocked on the door of apartment 3B and received no answer, she realized her dilemma. Was she supposed to wait in the hallway? Carlisle said he returned every few days, she couldn’t wait for several days out here where people could see her. Plus, it seemed like only men lived in this building. The longer she stayed hanging around, the more of a spectacle she was becoming. She looked around the door for a spare key, but found nothing. Of course, when had Carlisle ever lost anything?

A whistle sounded behind her. “What’s a pretty girl doing hanging around here?”

Bella stiffened. She turned to the large, pink faced man.

“Have you seen Dr Cullen lately?”

“You’re looking for Cullen are you? He hasn’t been around here for a while. Keeps to himself. Boring man, I’m sure we can scrounge up some better company for you, sweetheart.”

Bella smiled wryly at the man. “Thanks. But I think I’ll wait for Dr Cullen.”

The man leaned against the wall behind him. “I’ll keep you company then.”

Bella really did not want to spend any more time with this weirdo than absolutely necessary. Whispering a silent apology to her sire, she neatly broke the lock on the door knob and forced it open. 

“He told me to wait in his office,” she lied, “thanks for your help.”

She shut the door on the man’s large face. 

In terms of making me believe you, you may have an easier job than you expect. In my time with the Volturi I saw the incredible amount of power they were able to collect. I doubt it would surprise me to find out that they had been able to reverse time. I also doubt it would surprise them, so you need to stay away from them at all cost. Remember that it is likely that at some point Aro will see everything you will do by reading one of our minds. Be careful not to give something away that you don’t want him to know.

Surprisingly, Bella recognised several things placed around the crowded room. It was tiny, more similar to his study at home than to an actual apartment. Full bookcases lined the walls, with further piles sat on the floor. A painting of Carlisle and the Volturi kings that she recognised from her human days sat leant on the mantelpiece, Bella took a moment to glare at Aro before moving on. The globe sat next to the desk was the one he had used to show her all the places he had been. His journals sat in a box on the ground, a smaller collection than the one she had seen before. 

In addition, I should be able to tell that I sired you. A sire leaves a distinct scent on their children, one unchanged by time. Add in the letters, photographs and recording you have been sent with, and I believe you will find me ready and willing to help you. 

When Bella took a deep breath she could smell him. It was different, a little less clean and sharp, muddied by the industrial air, but unmistakably Carlisle. She walked over to a dresser on the opposite wall and opened the wooden doors. Crisp shirts, jackets and waistcoats were hung there. She realized how strange it would be to see a Victorian Carlisle in all this costume. She was half expecting him to show up in loafers and a sweater. 

I know you aim to prevent our heartaches, and I love you for that. Just know that by finding me at all, you will improve my life immeasurably. All I ever yearned for was family, and you are my family. If this old version of me disappoints you, I am truly sorry. Just know that no matter what I am proud of you. Your burdens are my burdens, no matter what year it is. Do not hesitate to lean on me. 

Bella noticed the pin board beside the window and went to inspect the documents displayed there. Her attention was caught by a fuzzy sepia picture of what she recognised as Carlisle and Garrett, whose wedding she had celebrated only two years before. Her heart tightened at seeing her sire’s face, blurry as it was. He had a life here, as full a life as he had when she knew him. It was strange to think of him being so old, even though she knew she would most likely live to be that old herself. 

She finally decided to stop snooping and settle down to wait, she took a book off the top of the closest pile and started to read, careful of the fragile paper. If she had to wait days, at least she would learn something while she did. 

Bella, if you find yourself in a position where you are feeding on humans, whether it was a slip up, a forced situation, or by choice; know that I do not judge you. Our lifestyle is a difficult one to keep at times, and you are still so young. It would not change anything. You are still my daughter. 

According to the mantel clock it was thirteen hours later when Bella finished her eighth medical journal. It wasn’t exactly thrilling reading material, but she felt the need to know something at least a little useful for the times she had found herself in. Her head shot up as footsteps echoed in the hallway and the breeze carried the scent of Carlisle into her nose.

The knob rattled, literally, and she heard a light sigh as the door swung open with no resistance.

Stay safe my dear.

Carlisle

“Can I help you?”

Chapter Text

November 22nd, 1885. 

Even though Bella was obviously aware of how vampires worked, it was still unnerving that Carlisle looked exactly the same, if he were going to a very high class fancy dress party. The face of the man she had left behind the day before was completely unchanged, down to the length of his hair and the flecks of golden brown in his eyes. But what was strange was that his voice was different. She had not expected any differences. How many times had Edward pointed out how unchanging they all were? Yet Carlisle spoke with a lilt that Bella assumed was his English mother tongue, not the soft American twang she was expecting.

“Can I help you?” He asked again, swinging the door closed behind him and propping it shut with a waste paper basket. “It’s rare for me to get visitors I don’t know these days. Did someone send you?”

Bella shook her head numbly, somewhat unsure of where to start. She had focussed all of her time and energy on finding Carlisle, she should have put some into rehearsing what to say to him. In fact, any rational being would have it all set out in their head, maybe even some notes on paper. Did she spend the hours she waited doing something so clever? No. She distracted herself and procrastinated on the most important part of her plan. She chastised herself. Stupid Bella.

Carlisle furrowed his brow. “What’s your name?”

That was probably a safe place to start. “My name is Bella.”

“Okay, Bella. What is it you’re doing here?”

“I’m looking for you.” She replied.

Carlisle set his sturdy leather bag on the ground and sat at his desk, then gestured to the chair in front of it for her to sit in. “Well you’ve found me, what can I do for you?”

She sat across from him and he finally looked into her golden eyes. “You’re a vegetarian? Are you with the Denali sisters?”

She shook her head, “No. But I do know them.”

He said nothing, this was a difficult enough conversation without it being awkward. Bella sighed, it was so difficult to find a gentle place to start that she would have to just jump into the middle.

“You’re my sire.”

Carlisle frowned. “I have no recollection of turning you…”

For some reason, Bella was expecting a less calm response. Indigence maybe, he could even accuse her of lying. But no, just a quiet ‘I don’t think so’.

“You can tell by scent though, right?” She gestured to herself. “Smell me.”

He inhaled, and an eyebrow raised of its own accord. “Yes, you do have my scent… but how? I genuinely can’t remember turning you, I swear. I have never been the kind of man who turns people and pays no mind to the rest of their existences. I have only sired two before and that was under Volturi orders.”

Bella squeezed her eyes shut. “That’s because you haven’t yet. Turned me, that is.”

“What do you mean?”

“The Volturi have this girl working with them,” Bella said. “She’s gifted. She is able to reverse time.”

“... reverse time?”

“Yes, someone with a shield has to touch her while she reverses it and they will be sent back unchanged. I have a shield, I was touching her, I am now back in time. The Volturi organised the whole thing.”

She made her decision, right there and then, not to tell Carlisle - or anyone else- the details of what the Volturi needed her to do. She wasn’t sure what her plan was yet. She wasn’t sure how much she would comply with Aro’s wishes, so she couldn’t risk Aro looking through a family member’s memories and seeing something incriminating.

“There was a rebellion,” she said, “they lost. They sent me back to stop it before it started in 1942. In order to make it ‘worth my while’ as Aro put it, I was sent back further so that I can make changes for my family.”

Carlisle stared at her in silence, she bit her lip. Now she had put it out there, she realised what absolute word vomit it was. No one in their right mind would believe her. Carlisle was an intelligent man. A man of science. Maybe that meant he would be swayed by her evidence, maybe not. But all Bella had was hope and that was not a comfortable situation.

He finally spoke. “And I am your family?”

“You’re the head of it.”

Carlisle continued to stare at her, a wrinkle formed between his eyebrows. “What time did you come from?”

“November, 2012.”

Carlisle rubbed his hand over his forehead and eyes, a strangely human gesture. “I know the Volturi is capable of something like this, but you must understand that it is hard to believe.”

Bella nodded, “I understand.” She produced the photo of her, Carlisle and Jasper. “I have proof.”

Carlisle took the picture with a delicate touch. “It’s so clear…”

He hungrily searched the photograph, taking in every pixel and smear of the glossy coloured ink. He stroked the edge and rubbed his fingers together when it was sticky, his eyes wide as saucers.

“This is incredible…” he whispered, never taking his eyes off it. “In all my existence I have never seen such a thing, a moment perfectly preserved, as clearly as you would see it with your own eyes.”

Bella smiled at him.

He looked back up at her. “This is the future?”

“Yes,” she replied, “that’s the future.”

His eyes returned to the picture, the line between his eyebrows appeared again. “And this is me?”

“Yep, that’s you. And me. And Jasper.”

“In the future.”

“2012.”

“Amazing…” He breathed. “These things… our clothes… what is that black thing poking out of my pocket?”

“That’s a cellphone,” Bella paused. “Have phones been invented yet?”

“Telephones? A few years ago,” Carlisle finally smiled. “I saw one last year, it looked nothing like this… and this man with us is named Jasper?”

“Jasper Whitlock,” Bella replied, pointing at the blonde man stoically smiling at the camera. “He’s another member of our coven, the only other one alive right now.”

Carlisle nodded, his smile shrank. “Our coven…”

“I take it that you believe me?” Bella searched her father’s face for the answer. “I know it’s crazy and ridiculous and I probably haven’t explained it very well, but I promise you I’m not lying. I have more proof if you need it!” She held up the cassette player and letter that Carlisle had prepared for himself.

His eyes narrowed, “What is that?”

“It’s a cassette player.”

“A cassette?”

Bella decided it would be easier to just show him. She checked the tape was in correctly and pressed play, Carlisle looked on with wide eyes.

“It is the year 2012, this is Carlisle Cullen speaking. If all has gone as planned, it should be myself that I am speaking to, as well as Bella - no doubt. In case there is any trouble believing in what she says, allow me to provide further proof.

You are Carlisle Cullen, born in 1640 to an Anglican vicar. The last words your father ever said to you were: “Check the chapel wood shed, it’s going to be a cold week.” You have been living in the US for three years now and you still find it strange. I hope this is enough to convince you of Bella’s honesty, I have written more in the letter addressed to you.

I sired Bella to be part of my coven and my family. I know you don’t know them yet, but she does. She has gone back to change events, so that we might all come together again with less heartbreak on the way. She is doing us a great service. Trust her. Look after her. She is more than our progeny, she is our daughter.”

Carlisle’s scared eyes met Bella’s as the tape clicked off. “That was my voice, but different.”

“Different like you’d been living in America for 150 years?”

He sighed. “What is that thing?” He asked, gesturing to the device in her hands.

“It’s a tape player.” She grinned. “I don’t think it’ll be invented for another 90 years though, so don’t get too attached.”

Carlisle let out a laugh, quieter and more unsure than she was used to. “I’ll try my best not to. I’m sorry for having trouble with this, you must understand that it’s a lot to process at once.”

“Oh yeah, I totally get it.” Bella nodded. “I’m the one who time travelled and I still find it confusing.”

“Yes, is this not incredibly dangerous? What if you prevent your own birth?”

“Apparently, no.” She replied. “Aro said that won’t be an issue because I wasn’t sent back in time, time itself was reversed. My life in the future doesn’t exist anymore, essentially it never happened. I just sort of… exist. When I’m born in 1988 it will be a completely different person to me.” She gulped. The idea that her entire life had been erased sat heavy in her stomach. “It’s confusing and I’m not sure if I understand it, but it doesn’t really matter if I change the future. I’m more worried that if I tell you too much you won’t enjoy things as you would have done.”

“What do you mean?” He frowned lightly.

“I mean I don’t plan on telling or showing you everything, not right now. One day.” She tried to smile. “There are some things I don’t want to change. I know you literally just met me, but I have to ask you to trust me.”

He laughed again, just one quiet laugh. “I’m not sure why, it’s preposterous after all, but I think I do. I see no way that what you have presented could be faked. It is just a lot to process… my future self said that you are my daughter.”

She nodded, lip sheepishly between her teeth. “Yes. You turned me when I was 18 and you were already a father figure to me. I can’t remember my birth father very well anymore, you filled in the gap… but please don’t feel like I’m pressuring you to be something you’re not!”

“No! I mean… Don’t worry.” He smiled awkwardly. “I have always longed for family, somewhere to belong, but I never wanted to condemn someone else to this life against their will. Don’t worry about pressuring me.”

She exhaled. “Okay, cool.”

He frowned for a second, then shook his head and relaxed his tense face. 

“Well, what is your plan? Do you have a plan?”

“I have somewhat of a plan,” she said. “This has all happened very quickly. There are six members of our family, not counting us. Everyone wrote me instructions on what they want changing in their lives. I haven’t sat down and read them all yet because I wanted to find you first.”
He nodded. “So you are going to read all of your instructions and then decide what to do?”

“Yes. My next step is to find Jasper,” she tapped him on the photo. “He’s in the South right now.”

Carlisle’s face aged twenty years in a split second. “Don’t tell me he’s in the Southern Wars.”

“Yeah, he is.”

“... and you mean to infiltrate and bring him back?”

“That was the plan, yeah.”

Carlisle held her gaze for a moment. Bella was actually quite impressed that within ten minutes of becoming a father, he had already mastered the ‘why are you like this’ look. She was, of course, aware of how stupid she was to waltz into a war zone. Jasper had made that clear enough. Even though he and Edward had shielded her from the worst of what happened there, she knew it was pretty damn bad. She had three scars of her own; gifts of venom that had carried through to her vampire life. One from James, one from Victoria, and one from Carlisle. To her three, Jasper had hundreds. So many that they criss crossed over and spiraled around his skin. She could shield him from the worst of it, she could halve those scars.

“He gave me specific instructions,” she clarified. “And made it very clear that I wasn’t allowed to risk my life.”

“Just venturing south of Oklahoma risks your life.” Carlisle heaved a heavy sigh and ran his fingers through his disrupted hair. “I assume you are not planning on leaving right this second?”

“No,” Bella replied. “I have time.”

“Okay, excellent.” Carlisle finally smiled again. “I believe I need some time to process all this before we go running south.”

She grinned sheepishly, “I’m sorry I’ve burst in here - broke in here actually - and just declared myself your daughter and now you’re stuck with me and my death wish.”

Carlisle rested his hand on hers. “I assure you, I am happy to be ‘stuck with you’.”

Bella breathed with relief. When Carlisle said his past self would be willing to accept her story, she didn’t dare believe it. But now she faced her tremendous task with her father by her side, and she felt a rush of hope that she had been devoid of since Aro Volturi appeared on her doorstep.

“Well,” Carlisle said. “Since we have time, may I propose a location change? I assume life will be very different in the future, do you need help adjusting?”

“Oh my God, yes please.” Bella replied in a rush. “I have no idea what I’m doing, people kept giving me funny looks in the street and I don’t know why.”

Carlisle smiled awkwardly. “Most likely because your hair is unbound and uncovered, and your dress looks to be built to accommodate a bustle cage, which you are not wearing… or petticoats, which is completely unheard of for humans, even the poor.”

“Oh!” Bella suddenly felt self conscious, despite being covered down to her ankles. “It’s funny. I’ve read so many books from this time period and it just didn’t occur to me that I needed petticoats!”

“It doesn’t bother me.” Carlisle laughed. “Many nomads prefer to keep a similar state of undress, or worse. However, I suggest we travel north to remedy the situation. We can hardly go to a human dressmaker. You said you know the Denali sisters?”

“Yes! Or well… I used to.” Bella shifted in her seat. She dreaded having to explain her story again, but couldn’t help but be excited at the prospect of having more familiar faces around her. “In the future we called them our cousins.”

“Well to me thus far, they are simply friends.” Carlisle stood and pulled a large trunk from underneath his dresser, which he started to fill with books. “They are currently living in Quebec. I propose we travel there so they can teach you the nuances of living in this time. I believe they would be more qualified than I.”

“Sounds good to me!”

Having only been without her father for two days, Bella wasn’t expecting how relieved she was to have him by her side again. He wasn’t her biological father, she was obviously well aware of that. But even though her body and soul were raised by Charlie Swan, her maker in her new life was Carlisle Cullen. As her memories of being human faded away, Carlisle stepped proudly into the role Charlie left.

Bella sat next to him on the wagon he had procured. All his belongings sat secure in the back, for them to deliver to a house he owned on the border. They would most likely need to be flexible for the next few years, he had told her. Valuables were a hindrance they could not afford. Bella couldn’t help but agree.

They had been on the road for over two days, held back by the maximum speed of the two horses pulling them along. Thankfully, they were not confined to travel in the waking hours and would simply change horses every now and then and go on their way. Bella was aware that if they pulled the wagon themselves they most likely would have gotten there in half the time, but it would have looked incredibly strange to others on the road. They passed the time telling each other stories, of the past and the future. Carlisle was fascinated by Bella’s accounts of international wars, technological innovations, and gender and racial equality. Her clumsy description of the discovery of Penicillin filled him with a joy so potent it was visible. She handed him his letter from his future self about halfway through their journey, and he impressed her greatly as he controlled the horses over rough terrain and read the fifteen page compendium at the same time.

When Carlisle told her they were a few minutes away, Bella finally collected the courage to read Jasper’s letter to her. It was long, yet concise, and included several bullet points so she would absolutely understand. She would have taken offence at how dumbed down it was if she wasn’t so intimidated by this insanely complicated plan. There were even diagrams of fighting moves, and an intricately drawn map of the area she would find him in. It ended with another plea to not put herself in danger for his sake, which she chose to ignore.

“Jasper’s plan is for me to go find him in the beginning of January,” she told Carlisle.

“So we have a little over a month,” he replied. “Exactly how dangerous is this plan? It doesn’t place you in the middle of a newborn army, does it?”
It absolutely did. “I’ll explain the whole thing to you once I have my head around it.” She said. “It’s a very complicated plan, he thought of every single possibility. I kind of need a flowchart.”

“He sounds like quite a tactician.”

“Youngest Major in the Texas Cavalry.”

“Was he?” Carlisle smiled as he pulled the horses to a stop in front of a plain, but beautifully situated large log cabin. “I look forward to meeting him.”

He rushed around the wagon to gallantly help Bella down. It was something she would usually feel was unnecessary but she was genuinely struggling to not rip her excessive skirts.

“A ranger and his family live here to take care of the house for me.” Carlisle led her to the front door. “It’s useful to have permanent addresses for mail and storing precious things.”

The lock and handle were broken and the door swung open with the slightest touch. The smell of fresh blood assaulted Bella’s nostrils. Carlisle just tensed, but she threw her hands over her nose and mouth and stopped breathing immediately.

It was a possibility that a vampire had been here. With her breath held, Bella could not tell. She could hear seven distinct heartbeats, but tried her best not to listen to the sullen, wet thumping of ambrosia pumping through their veins.

“Get down and shut up!” a man’s croaky voice screamed from upstairs. Definitely not a vampire then.

A woman’s scream prompted them to run up the stairs to the master bedroom. Four armed men stood over a mother kneeling in front of her children. The bleeding body of a portly, kind faced man laid on the floor beside them.

He hadn’t been dead long. His blood flowed over the rough floorboards, licking at the nails and dripping through the cracks. Wasted, this was wasteful.

Bella didn’t realise she was stalking forwards until Carlisle stopped her. He pulled her to his side and replaced her hand over her mouth with his. The sudden change of scents confused her senses and gave her momentary relief from the red haze that scrambled her thoughts. 
“Who the hell are you?” The leader asked, moving his rifle to point at Carlisle.

“I am the owner of this house.” He growled. “You will put down your weapons immediately.”

The thugs definitely thought about it. Though Carlisle had angelic blonde hair and a kind face, any vampire was scary when murderously angry. Bella was sure that her face was distorted into a snarl that probably scared the children they were trying to save more than the men with guns did.

“Make me.” The leader grunted and thrust his gun in Carlisle’s face.

Carlisle exhaled slowly, calmly reached up, and clenched the barrel of the gun so hard that the metal melded together and the entire thing bent towards the ceiling.

The humans in the room stared open mouthed. Carlisle spoke to the leader. “Run.”

Three of the men dropped their weapons and ran from the room without a backwards glance. Bella heard the door slam shut and the crunch of their feet on the road outside. But one remained cowering in the corner.

His rifle shook in front of him. “What the hell are you?!” He sobbed. “You’re a demon! A demon sent from hell!”

“If I am a demon, then why are you not running?” Carlisle asked calmly.

He took a step forward and the man panicked. He squeezed his eyes shut and shot ahead of him, not caring where the bullet landed.

Unfortunately for him, it hit Bella in the shoulder.

Carlisle was on him in an instant. He wrenched the gun out of his hands and pinned him to the wall by his throat and the offending arm. The man choked and grappled for help, but could not escape the iron grip. He gasped at the snap of his arm breaking in two.

Bella had to stop this. It wasn’t her Carlisle. Her Carlisle was gentle and kind and would never hurt a human.

Her Carlisle was also used to his family facing danger. This one was not.

Bella needed to speak, but she had no air left, she needed to breathe. The ranger’s body was cooling in the corner, but still smelled like heaven on Earth. Bella dared a glance at the children sobbing on the floor. Think of the children. Think of the children.

She took a breath and her throat erupted in burning flames. She could not prevent the hiss escaping her lips and the tensing of her legs to pounce, on the poor dead soul and every teasing, delicious heartbeat in the room.

Think of the children. Think of their children. Think of what wonderful lives they will have.

“Carlisle.” She croaked through gritted teeth. “Stop. Don’t do this.”

He turned to her, his eyes were black with rage. “He tried to kill you.”

“And he failed.” She gestured to the small ashen hole in the shoulder of her dress and the crumpled bullet lying innocently on the floor. “Let him go. Don’t take a human life. This isn’t you.”

Carlisle closed his eyes and sighed. He increased the pressure of his fingers on the man’s jugular vein until he slowly fell into unconsciousness. He lowered the man onto the floor, snapped a nearby chair leg and stole a bootlace to create a makeshift splint for his shattered arm. After taking a moment to collect himself, he finally turned to the terrified mother and children on the floor.

“Are you hurt?”

Several hours, a trip to the constable’s office and a generous donation of a wagon later, they set off once again. This time on foot.

“Well that was eventful,” Bella joked.

Carlisle stayed silent.

She couldn’t bear the awkwardness. “You’re sure Mrs Mulberry won't say anything?”

“She’s a good woman,” he replied after a moment. “She recognises that we saved her and her children’s lives. She won’t tell anyone. I doubt anyone would believe her if she did.”

The tension broke and they spent the remaining run to Quebec in companionable silence. But Bella’s thoughts were racing.

She had never seen this side of Carlisle before. Yes, he was protective, and yes she knew he had killed other vampires before. But he had always been the diplomat where the others were the muscle, infinitely wise and merciful, valuing life above all else.

His own words echoed around her head. If this old version of me disappoints you, I am truly sorry. She had never truly acknowledged the possibility that the great, unmovable Carlisle might disappoint her. That he might be less of a man than she needed.

Another part of her screamed to the contrary. Of course he reacted the way he did. Despite his incredible control, he still experienced blood lust. His mercy and respect for life meant that he hated murder and evil above all else. An attempt was made on her life, and he snapped. 
All I ever yearned for was family, and you are my family.

Bella argued with herself until the forest turned to snow and her indecision carried her all the way to Quebec.

Chapter Text

November 25th, 1885.

They ran over hills and mountains, forests and streams; avoiding people wherever they could. After a day filled with joyful stories and heartfelt chats, Carlisle and Bella found themselves in a quaint riverside town, covered in November snow. Carlisle took the large pack off his back and pulled out a plain brimmed hat for himself and a scarf for Bella to wrap over her head. They followed the bricklaid road in the low evening light at human pace until they came to a plain stone house, unremarkable and unassuming.

Bella hummed, Carlisle turned to her.

“What is it?”

She shrugged. “It’s weird to see them living somewhere so small. When I knew them they lived in this huge log cabin, basically a snow mansion. Do they not have money in this time?”

“They do. We all do,” he gave a little shrug, “the side effect of living for hundreds of years. But they have to be careful how much wealth they display. Three rich young women living alone and moving around often would draw a lot of attention.”

“Living alone…” Bella frowned. Eleazar and Carmen must have joined the coven much later than she had thought.

Carlisle interrupted her thoughts and made off down their front walkway. “Shall we?”

Bella lingered behind him as he knocked on the heavy wooden door. She heard a rustling of fabric and it swung open with a loud squeal. Despite herself, she couldn’t help the smile that grew across her face at the sight of Tanya Denali; ice blonde hair pinned into an elaborate coiffere, her pouty lips lightly rouged. Her waist was cinched to a perfect V, hips shot out dramatically in clouds of silk skirts, a strip of velvet ribbon adorned her neck. The succubus oozed sexuality without showing a scrap of cleavage or leg. Bella could not help but feel self-conscious in her stolen gown that she clearly was not wearing right; and yet found comfort in the fact that her cousin was in essentials exactly how she remembered her.

“Carlisle!” she grinned. “What a surprise! We didn’t know to expect you!”

“Yes, my apologies for that,” he said, “this is quite a spontaneous visit.”

“Well do come in and tell me all about it!” She moved to the side to allow him entry but wavered when she caught sight of Bella behind him. “You brought a friend!”

“Yes,” he held out a hand to beckon Bella forwards, “this is Bella.”

“A pleasure!” Tanya inched around Carlisle and held out her hand for Bella to take. “I’m Tanya Denali.”

Bella squeezed her hand and tried not to look nervous. “Bella Cullen.”

Tanya froze, turned and raised a perfecteyebrow in Carlisle’s direction. “Well you’d better come in. I think you have some things to catch us up on.”

Bella stepped through the low doorway, having to stoop her head just a little, Carlisle ducked completely. The house was just as small and plain on the inside as you would expect from the outside, only the furniture was ornate and ancient, so clearly from another time and another world. The Denali sisters had set up their home with exactly as much luxury as they liked away from prying eyes.

Tanya led them to a sitting room to the left of the door. It was warm and cosy, the one window let very little light in. Books and sewing projects were piled on every table, evidence of how they kept themselves busy. Kate and Irina were already standing to receive them, dressed similarly to Tanya and looking unbearably beautiful.

“Well Carlisle,” Kate smirked, “we never expected you to marry.”

“No! No no, I’m not married.” He replied, smiling sheepishly. “Bella isn’t my wife, she’s my daughter.”

Tanya frowned. “Your daughter? Since when do you have a daughter? You have never mentioned one before and last time we saw you was last year - this girl is no newborn. You adopted her?”

“Well… it’s quite complicated you see.”

“I’m from the future!” Bella blurted out.

Four pairs of bewildered eyes turned to stare at her, Carlisle’s included.

“I beg your pardon?” Tanya asked.

“I’m… from the future.” Bella mumbled. “Carlisle turned me in the future.”

Irina blinked blankly in her direction. “Okay, I think we need a little bit of further explanation.”

Bella sighed, ready to begin her long story all over again.

“Right,” Tanya said, now sitting securely on one of their plush velvet sofas, “to confirm. You, Bella, were born in 1988 and Carlisle turned you in 2007.”

Bella nodded. “Yes.”

“And in 2012 the Volturi arrived at your doorstep and sent you back in time to stop a rebellion.”

“Yes.”

“You first went to Carlisle and now you have come to find us.”

“... yes.”

Tanya leaned back, a wrinkle between her eyebrows. She turned to Carlisle. “And you believe this?”

He nodded back in Bella’s direction. “She has proof.”

“I think we would appreciate some proof,” said Kate.

Bella began to rummage through her bag for her polaroid, then paused. She could show the Denali’s more than she had shown Carlisle. She could show them the family portrait of them at Kate and Garrett’s wedding, without telling them whose wedding it was, of course. She knew she shouldn’t really show anyone, the polaroid was necessary to convince people she was telling the truth. The other photo was for her, just for her. Yet she almost felt like her family was slipping away from her. She was becoming ingrained in this new old world where her family meant nothing to anyone but her. If she showed someone else exactly who her family was, what their names were and what they meant to her, it could keep them real and safe in her mind for long enough to find them in person.

“Carlisle…” she said, her mind made up, “didn’t you tell me earlier that you have a nomad friend travelling in this area? Why don’t you go see if you can find him?”

“I… but…” he frowned.

Tanya smirked at Bella. “Go on, Carlisle. Find your friend, we’ll be fine here.”

Carlisle gave Bella a long look, then disappeared out the front door.

“Right then,” Tanya said, “what is it that you don’t want him to hear?”

“There’s some things I don’t want him to see or know,” said Bella, “not yet, anyway. I don’t want to spoil future events for him.”

“But we can know?” Kate asked.

Bella nodded, reached into her bag and took out the family portrait, a large glossy photograph. She handed it to Tanya and her sisters crowded behind her to absorb it over her shoulder.

“It’s beautiful…” Tanya whispered, running light fingertips over the shiny surface. “Is this your coven? There are so many of you!”

“Yeah,” Bella stood and joined them in looking. “That’s my coven.”

“It’s so clear and colorful.” Irina breathed, eyes tracing the HD lines, “The clothes you are all wearing are so strange. Very simple and tight.”

Bella snorted. “Most clothes we wore are probably simple by your standards.”

She took out the polaroid and passed it to them to compare.

Tanya beamed. “You, Carlisle, and-” she pointed at Jasper in the larger photograph, standing by Alice and Bella with a smile on his face “-this man.”

“That’s Jasper,” said Bella, “he’s the next one I’m going to find. The rest aren’t born yet.”

“Well he is delightful…” Irina grinned, “Tell me he is unattached, Bella. He is particularly handsome.”

“Irina!” Tanya exclaimed. “He is covered in scars!”

Irina shrugged, “I like my men dangerous.”

Yeah, she sure did. Bella summoned up a fuzzy memory of Laurent trying to kill her in a field. Very dangerous indeed.

“And who is this man, Bella?” Kate pointed at Edward. Bella’s tongue became a thick lump in the back of her throat. He was so far away from her.

“He looks very close to you,” Tanya prompted, gesturing to his arm wrapped over her shoulders, and hers looped around his waist.

Bella felt venom swell in her eyes. “Yes, he was close to me. He was my mate… is my mate. He is still my mate, right?”

The sisters looked at each other for a moment, clearly debating the right answer.

“Did he mark you?” Kate asked.

“No,” said Bella, “he said it felt too animalistic, it made him feel uncomfortable. But mates don’t have to mark each other, right? It’s just like a wedding ring.”

“Yes, just like a wedding ring,” said Kate. “But much more permanent.”

There was a moment of silence, Bella bit her lip.

“He is your mate for as long as you feel he is.” Tanya suddenly declared. “But, Bella… No one would blame you if you didn’t wait for him. I am sure he wouldn’t either.”

“I know,” said Bella. “But I don’t think I’m capable of loving someone else like that. I’m happy to wait for him.”

The sisters traded unsure looks. “But what if something goes wrong?” Kate asked, “What if, God forbid, fate does not bring you together again? Will you condemn yourself to a life as a nun?”

“Well hey, if I get to wear a wimple and sing with my sisters all day!” Bella joked pathetically. She would really rather not think about that possibility.

“Ah… wimples.” Irina sighed, “It was much easier to walk about in the sun when we had to be that covered. They had a particular charm about them too.”

Bella swallowed the dozens of questions that that statement had brought up, with any luck she would have years to learn about the sisters’ history. There was one important fact in this conversation.

“So… you believe me?”

They all traded a look again, Tanya finally smiled and held Bella’s hand.

“It would be a rather stupid and complicated lie, and I don’t see why you would make up this whole story. What would you stand to gain? Yes, dear, we believe you.”

Bella breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

“Now,” Irina stood, grabbed Bella’s other hand and pulled her up too, “we need to sort out your clothes. Please don’t take offence, but you look ridiculous.”

Bella spluttered and giggled as she let herself be dragged to their ridiculously large dressing room, grateful to have more friends on her side.

Irina put down her measuring tape and poked Bella’s waist. “Bella, are you wearing a brassière?”

“Um…” Bella wrapped her arms around herself, starting to feel self conscious. “Yes?”

“Oh!” Irina laughed and swept over to a pile of fabric she was turning into a corset. “It’s no wonder your dress didn’t fit properly, darling. A dress without a corset is like a house with no foundations!”

“Do you not wear corsets in the future then?” Kate asked from her spot on the sidelines.

“Nope,” said Bella, “I’ve never worn one before. Everyone wears bras - or… brassières.”

“Oh how wonderful.” Kate sighed. “I’m so sick of corsets, they’re always breaking.”

“Only because you aren’t careful enough.” Tanya chided. “Irina and I can make ours last several years without breaking any of the bones.”

“Yes but you don’t like hunting like I do.”

Bella smiled and pulled together her courage for a question she had been thinking of ever since she saw Tanya in the door.

“How do you get your waists like that?” She asked, gesturing to the sisters’ angular abdomens. “I know women tie their corsets really tight and restrict their lungs and things to get their waists small, but I assumed we wouldn’t be able to? We’re pretty …unsquishable?”

Kate burst out laughing, “Unsquishable?! Bella, where do you find these words?”

Tanya’s laugh was more restrained. She clasped Bella’s hands, “You’re right, we can’t tight lace, but our clothes are all illusion! We pad our hips and busts and it makes our waists look smaller by comparison. Humans don’t usually tight lace either! It’s just not practical.”

“Oh! In my time you don’t pad anything except your bra, either you have the perfect body shape or you don’t.”

“Trust us, Bella, the perfect body shape changes over the decades. No one can reach perfection all of the time.”

“Speaking of perfection!” Irina stood, brandishing a bundle of fabric and whale bone. “I have finished your new corset!”

“It’s been like five minutes!” Bella exclaimed, “How did you do it so quickly?”

“I’m a vampire, darling.” Irina swept around Bella, undoing the ties of her dress until it slipped right off her. Bella resisted the urge to squeeze her arms around her middle to protect her modesty, it didn’t seem worth it.

Kate peered at her chest. “So this is a bra?” She asked, “Can I try it on?”

“Sure,” Bella shrugged. “You can keep it. I guess I won’t be wearing one for a few decades anyway.”

Kate grinned as Bella took her bra off and handed it to her. She threw herself into a chair in the corner to inspect the garment with childlike joy. 
Before Bella had time to feel self-conscious, Irina pulled a cotton shift dress over her head and clasped the corset closed over the top of it.

She gently tightened the laces until it fit Bella’s body snugly. “You need to be careful putting it on and taking it off so you don’t break it when it’s still stiff and new. And don’t worry, I won’t give you a full bustle!” She rolled long white stockings over Bella’s knees. “There is no point in you getting used to the fashionable way of dressing when you are leaving society altogether in a few weeks. Who knows what will be in style when you come back! I will give you a bum roll.” She held up and crescent moon shaped pad attached to a ribbon and tied it just below her waist at the back. “Your dresses won’t fit correctly otherwise.”

Next, she pulled two thick petticoats over her head and buttoned them at the waist. “See the slits in the legs?” Irina gestured to the cuts where Bella’s calves poked through. “My own design, it makes it easier for you to run.”

She buttoned a soft grey blouse over Bella’s chest and tucked it into a thick wool skirt, then smoothed a silk waistcoat over the top.

“There!” Irina smiled, “Now you are a perfect lady.”

Bella smiled back; it was nice to get to know Irina without the chasm of Laurent’s death between them.

Tanya dragged over a small stool and stood on it to reach Bella’s hair, which she pinned into a bun on the crown of her head. “Your hair will never stay up when you are running around in the south,” she said, “but you will look a little strange in society with it down. Keep some pins in your bag.”

The sisters turned Bella to look in the full-length mirror in the corner. She stifled a gasp. Sure enough, her waist looked just like the sisters’, if a little wider as she was simply a bigger person. She looked like something she had only seen in pictures and films, maybe a little like Mary Poppins, and yet like herself. She did not feel constricted, despite the boned corset tight around her chest.

“Just don’t bend over too suddenly,” Kate whispered in her ear. “The boning is not made with us in mind, it can snap.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Bella studied herself for a moment, this was an image she would have to get used to for a long time to come.

Irina wrapped an arm around her. “What is it, dearest?”

Bella let out a strange noise that was part laugh and part sob. “I feel so stupid, to be sad about clothes. I just realised that I’m not going to wear jeans and a tshirt again for what? Eighty years? I won’t look like me for such a long time. Alice won’t present me with random outfits to wear for decades... I won’t see her for decades! I haven’t chosen my own clothes since I was a human! Oh God I don’t know what I’m doi-“

“Stop.” Tanya squeezed Bella’s face in her hands and looked her dead in the eye. “You are doing something incredible, Bella. You are in a world that is brand new to you, I am sure that it is terrifying and confusing. But you are doing so well. Look how quickly you found Carlisle! You can do this, but only if you keep your head. Okay?”

Bella nodded and tried to calm herself.

“Besides,” smirked Kate. “If choosing your own clothes is a problem for you, I’m sure Irina is happy to oblige!”

Irina squeezed Bella to her side. “I know you miss your family, Sweetheart. But for now, you have us.”

Bella smiled at the sisters in the mirror. While they were no Alice, Esme and Rosalie, they were a comfort and joy to her nonetheless. Exactly what she needed.

She opened her mouth to thank them for their kindness, but Carlisle sped into the room.

“I’m back!” He announced, a large grin spread on his face and his hair windswept back.

“We can see that!” Tanya laughed. “Where on Earth did you go? You said you were finding a friend?”

“Yes, he told me a few years ago that he was going to travel around here to ‘play with the polar bears’. It’s quite lucky I found him actually, he was in a fishing village about a hundred miles north of here.”

“That’s great!” Bella grinned. Any ally was a good ally. “You never told me which friend it was.”

“I brought him back with me,” Carlisle said, “I thought I might ask you which friend. If you recognise him without having met him, it may go some way to convince him of your story. He’s waiting outside.”

Bella let herself be ushered back through the house and out to the front courtyard, desperately hoping that she had in fact met this friend. 
A figure stood at the gate from the road; tall and lanky, with long dark blonde hair tied back from his face, a long brown coat and big leather boots.

“Oh,” said Bella. “Garrett!”

Garrett studied her with his strange ruby eyes. “You know me, do you?”

Bella decided to try her best to prove it. “You were turned during the American Revolution, you pride yourself on being on the right side of every American war-“

“Carlisle could have told you that,” he smirked at her.

“- And you were ‘this’ close to biting Custer.” Bella gestured with her hand, directly quoting the nomad from when she first met him.

Garrett stared at her for a moment.

She panicked, “He is dead now, right?”

“Yes, about ten years ago,” Carlisle chimed in.

Garrett stepped back. “And this is all the Volturi’s doing?”

“Yes.”

“…And Carlisle believes you?”

“I do.” Carlisle said from behind her.

Garrett’s face split into a giant grin, “Well then that’s good enough for me, little time traveller! You say you’ve met me? How many times? Are we good friends?”

December 10th, 1885.

“I hate that you’re giving up your home,” Bella lamented as the sisters packed their trunks onto a wagon. “You really don’t need to, I’ll be okay!”

“Bella,” Tanya turned. “You insist on us not joining you in the South, which we accept for the sake of your plan. But you can’t ask us to sit tight in Canada and wait to find out if you are still alive. You could be down there for years!”

“I don’t see the difference between you waiting in Canada and you waiting in Kansas.”

“The difference is two full days of travel time should something go wrong.” Tanya took Bella’s hands and squeezed them, “What if you get found out, Dearest? Are you going to let them chase you all the way to Canada? At least with us as close as we can safely be, you have a chance of getting to us for help. And with Garrett roaming around the area and reporting back to us, we may be able to somewhat keep in touch with you.”

Bella bit her lip and studied the floor, it was difficult to accept the people she loved making such huge sacrifices for her.

“Indulge us, Darling.” Tanya flashed a dazzling grin. “You know that if you don’t give us this compromise, Carlisle will find a nice tall tree outside the camp to live in for the foreseeable future. This is really the safest option for everyone.”

Carlisle absolutely would and Bella was very aware of it. No matter how much time Bella had spent practicing fighting with Kate and Garrett, he was always on the sidelines in case she got hurt. He had embraced the protective father role wholeheartedly, and as much as it made her feel warm and fuzzy inside - it made doing stupidly dangerous things a bit more difficult.

“Now,” said Tanya, sensing Bella’s resignation. “You know the plan. Irina and I will drive the wagon to the new house with all our things. You and the others will run down ahead and secure the territory. Okay?”

With a heavy heart and heavy feet, Bella nodded and let Tanya finish her task. Carlisle, Kate, and Garrett waited for her behind the house and kept in step with her as they set off. Her mind wasn’t on this trip to Kansas, not really. All she could think of was in three weeks time. On the first of January 1886, she would go to Texas; to join the Southern Wars.

Chapter Text

December 31st, 1885.

Bella sat on the damp Kansas grass and waited for the new year to dawn. Carlisle and the Denalis were celebrating in the house a few miles behind her, but she needed a minute alone. She had decided a while ago that when she departed for Oklahoma in the morning she would leave her letters with Carlisle. If she didn’t come back then at least her family’s wishes would still be carried out. 

So she sat down and reread them all, one by one, maybe for the last time.

Of course, as a vampire, Bella had a perfect memory and didn’t need to read and reread over again. But there was something soothing in each handwritten note. She traced Esme’s smooth pen strokes, Emmett’s sharp pencil lines and Rosalie’s swirly scrawl. Edward’s writing was large and slanted off the page, one pen had clearly run out of ink halfway and he had switched to another colour. He was rushing, and in a bad place. Bella wished that the last thing she had of him wasn’t from a sad, panicked moment. But still, the love behind it was real, and she needed some of that to keep going.  

She sat back for a moment and let the messages of affection and gratitude wash over her.

You are so brave.

I’m so proud of you.

For God’s sake, please be careful.

Even if you can’t do this, I still love you.

I’ll love you forever, little sister. 

Don’t try to work miracles, your life is more important.

Bella smiled as she imagined what her family would say if they could see her now, in her Victorian splendour, about to enter a war zone. Despite having come into a world where her family didn’t yet exist, she had managed to both create one and be adopted as the baby of it within a month. It was weird to think that she wouldn’t be the youngest anymore, that she would be older than Esme, her mother in all but blood.

Trying not to think about how that might affect their relationship, Bella turned to the stack of maps, diagrams, timelines and ledgers that Jasper had left her. She absolutely couldn’t bring the whole thing with her, it would be impossible to hide and disastrous if found. She was only going to bring two of the few letters she hadn’t opened, one addressed to Jasper himself, and one to Peter. 

The plan was rather intimidating. Complicated too. Bella decided to leaf through the papers one last time, just in case she missed anything. It could hardly even be considered a plan, just a neurotic list of do’s and don’ts and persistent begging for her not to go. Of course she would go, who did he think he was dealing with?

Still, Jasper had told her so much of what not to do, she wasn’t entirely sure of what she should be doing. She took out the paper packet filled with maps and looked over them again. The camp she was heading to the next day was about a 6 hour run away, but she and Garrett would take a very indirect route. She unfolded the next map, but a previously unseen piece of paper floated out and landed on the grass in front of her. Bella snatched it up and read:

For a military man, Jasper really does struggle getting ideas across when he’s upset! I keep telling him you can handle it, but he’s so very worried that he’ll end up hurting you. Promise you’ll run if you have to, okay? For his sake. I know all these plans are really daunting, but I say trust your instincts. You basically just have to get Jaz to like you and you have plenty of practice with that. You have a habit of making us vamps remember our humanity without even trying, so just act like you. 

...Perhaps a more cautious you.

Stay safe, I love you.

Alice Xx

PS. I drew you a flowchart of all the instructions, had a feeling you might want one!

Bella let out a little half laugh half sob when she turned the sheet of paper over and found a flowchart drawn in perfect calligraphy with a pink gel pen. There couldn’t be anything more Alice. 

Alice’s scent drifted up from the crisp paper and Bella couldn’t leave it behind. She added it to the two letters she was bringing with her. Might as well have a reminder of the plan, and a reminder of Alice. The two photographs would also stay with her; one was necessary to convince Jasper and she wasn’t sure she could be without the other yet. 

For all intents and purposes, Bella was ready to go. Carlisle and Tanya had poured over every inch of Jasper’s instructions and had formed a plan on how to support her. Jasper apparently hadn’t counted on her having so much help. Irina had disappeared for about a week without explanation, then returned just as everyone started to seriously worry about her, with heavy bolts of cloth in tow. She had been consulting with every master dressmaker she could find so that Bella had maximum maneuverability, while maintaining her dignity. Jasper would have been absolutely mortified that Bella had spent so much time learning to mend her own clothes when she could have been practicing taking down newborns. 

In her defence, she had practiced whenever Garrett and Kate were available, but they had both been conspicuously absent a lot of the time. Bella tried not to show the joy this gave her; that it didn’t matter what year they found each other, they were compatible nonetheless. 

Despite being ready, Bella was hesitant to go. She had already left one family behind. It hurt her heart to leave this one, perhaps forever; but hesitation or not, if she didn’t leave soon the plan wouldn’t work. There would be no second chances and she couldn’t give this one up. 
Bella took a deep, soothing breath and gathered up her big pile of letters. The much smaller pile she tucked into her bag, along with her tape player and photographs. She hadn’t come here with much, and now she would leave with even less. Even so, she swallowed her sadness, straightened her spine, and marched back to the house. 

Carlisle was waiting for her on the quaint wrap around porch. “Are you ready?” He asked. 

“Just about.” Bella handed the pile of letters to him. She tapped the top, “I wrote you instructions to find the safe box with everything else buried in it. Just in case, y’know...”

“Yes. I know.” Carlisle glanced down at the stack of paper. “It will never stop being strange, that I hold so much knowledge in my arms.”

“Well try to resist the temptation to read it all,” Bella grinned. “Unless we get to 1911 and I still haven’t come back.”

“I doubt we will allow you to stay there for that long without coming to your aid in some way.”

Bella’s smile turned grim. It had been almost impossible to convince Carlisle not to come with her. She was confident in his and the Denalis’ abilities, but they didn’t know enough about newborns. Bella had tried to explain without giving too much away; that despite having a group of seven mostly gifted vampires and a pack of wolves, they had fought a newborn army and sustained considerable injuries. Plus she had essentially died. That was with Jasper on side. She couldn’t imagine the carnage if just the six of them had to stand against Maria’s well trained army. Especially if Carlisle decided to storm the camp. No. He couldn’t.

“Promise me you won’t.” Bella gripped his sleeve. “I couldn’t handle it if you died, and the others will still need help without me. You are too important.”

“You speak as if I could bear it if I lost you,” he murmured. “You have a way about you, Bella. You draw such strong emotions from our dead souls.”

Bella grinned, “Then trust that I can use that to my advantage. I’ll be okay, I swear.”

Carlisle nodded as the others spilled from the house.

“Here,” Irina handed her a small sewing kit. “I don’t want you to have to rely on stolen clothing and be encumbered by it fitting badly. Remember, a stitch in time saves nine.”

“I’ll remember,” Bella pulled her into a hug. “Thank you for doing all this.”

“Just stay safe, Sweetheart.”

“Right,” Tanya gave Bella a quick squeeze. “Are you ready to go?”

"Just about,” Bella said. “Garrett, are you ready?”

Garrett opened his mouth to answer, but hesitated and gaped like a fish. He turned to look at Kate, who seemed incredibly conflicted. Bella’s heart jumped to her throat. Garrett looked like he was having second thoughts about coming with her. She had expected to go alone, but the idea of him coming along so she could have some support system had given her this sense of security she didn’t know she needed.

“I’m coming with you.” Kate interrupted Bella’s internal monologue. Her sisters stared at her with wide eyes.

“Kate, no!” Tanya gasped. “It’s too dangerous! Bella alone staying in that camp is so risky, both of you would seem like too much of a threat!”

“Sister, calm down.” Kate tucked Tanya against her side. “I will not join Bella in the camp. I thought it would be nice to experience being a nomad for a while and Garrett said I could come along.”

“You… and Garrett?” Irina repeated staring between the two of them. “But what if you get hurt?”

“Then I will come running.” Kate kissed her sister’s cheek. “But you know I can take care of myself. Besides, someone has to be there to save Garrett when he inevitably gets himself in trouble.”

“Speak for yourself!” Garrett laughed. The sisters grabbed Kate and held her tight, Bella knew they trusted her abilities just as she did.

She turned back to Carlisle. “See? I’ll never get hurt with Kate with me!”

He frowned at her. “She will not be with you, Bella. Only close by.”

She deflated, her smile dropped. “You know what I mean. Please, Carlisle, I have to do this.”

He put the pile of papers down and pulled her into his chest. “I know you do, my child. Please forgive an old man’s worries.”

“Always.” Bella hugged him back. “I’ll miss you.”

He kissed the top of her head. “I’ll miss you too. A month with you and my life has been irrevocably changed. Thank you.”

Bella breathed in her father’s scent one more time, then slowly pulled away. There was one more thing she needed to do before she left, one more thing to wretch away from her heart.

Bella ruffled through her bag to find the tiny pocket in the lining. “There’s something I need you to keep safe for me.”

“Anything.”

She found the pocket and gingerly presented Carlisle its contents, her wedding ring. 

“I can’t lose it.” She said. “And I don’t know what I’d do if it got damaged.”

Carlisle smiled sadly, “Then I will keep it as long as you need. It will be safe, I swear.”

“Thank you.” 

Bella had to tear away from her father to leave with Kate and Garrett. She felt his eyes on her back as she held back her sadness and left her second home.  

Bella,

It’s hard to put into words how I feel about what you are doing for us. Despite being an empath, I’m not very good at expressing my emotions. Something I have to work on I guess.

“Say, Bella,” Garrett said five hours later. “Do you know when Queen Victoria will die?”

“You mean the Queen of England?” Bella tried to remember something she had read as a human. “Maybe… 1901-ish?”

Garrett barked out a laugh. “It still astounds me that you just know these things, little time traveller.”

“Well you’ll have to get used to it eventually,” Bella laughed. 

My feelings aside, I want to thank you for everything you are doing. Alice has always struggled with not knowing her past and the years she had to wander around to find me. You are doing something wonderful for her and I will always appreciate your sacrifice. 

But, for the love of all that could possibly be considered holy, Bella. Do not risk yourself to save me. Don’t you dare.

She slowed to a walk and her companions matched it. “Where exactly are we?”

“South Texas. We’re on the edge of Johan’s territory, need to get your scent rubbed all over the place in case Maria checks your story. Go lick some trees.”

Bella’s nose wrinkled, “Do I have to? Can’t I leave some hair around?”

"Your venom is stronger," Kate laughed. "Besides, you won't be so callous with your hair when you realise it will never grow back!"

Well, she had a point. Bella tentatively reached her tongue out and licked a nearby oak tree. She grimaced at the taste and looked back to see if Garrett had changed his mind.

He snorted and gestured around him, “Go on. Get lickin’. We’ll be here when you’re done.”

Bella sighed and got lickin’ while Kate and Garrett got pathetically lost in eachothers’ eyes.

It’s hard to attach events to dates, we didn’t exactly have a calendar to hand during the wars. However, I know there’ll be an opportunity on New Years in 1886, I remember hearing the celebrations. We had just lost a battle against a War Lord named Johan, and about halved our forces. Maria sent me and Peter to scout out a new place to make camp while we attempted to lay low and regroup. I marked the locations on your map.

“Well,” said Garrett as they reached a small clearing. “I believe this is where we leave you. Far enough away from Johan that when you come from here Maria won’t think you’re spying, close enough to the new camp Jasper’s scouting that you can get here and back in twenty minutes. It’s perfect, if I do say so myself.” 

“So you’ll be staying here?” Bella asked.

“For maybe a day, just long enough for you to come running back to us if they try to kill you on sight. We’ll build a little shelter so you can leave things here for us without worrying about rain.”

“Our own little post office,” Kate grinned. “You do have your paper and pencils?”

“Yeah,” Bella patted her bag. “And I’m sure I can improvise if I have to.”

“Yes,” Kate embraced her. “I believe you have proven to us all that you are resourceful and clever enough to do anything.”

Bella returned her hug tight, “Let’s hope you’re right!”

The timing is perfect, it took several months of regrouping until we had to fight Johan again. With any luck you won’t see battle other than minor skirmishes.

“Stay safe, my friend.” Garrett clasped his large hand on her shoulder. “Keep in touch. We will do what we can to protect you from afar.”

“Thank you.” Bella stepped backwards away from the couple. “I guess this is goodbye.”

“We will see you soon.” Kate held her gaze, strong and true. “Stay strong, my Bella.”

Bella nodded and took in the sight of her friends for a final second. Then she turned and walked away from possibly the only friendly faces she would see for a long time.

Too suddenly the trees thinned and the sound of them faded. She was alone again.

This is a unique opportunity as Peter and I will not be there when you first arrive. This may sound counter intuitive, but you need to go to Maria on the morning of January 1st ‘86 while we are gone. Charm her and befriend her before we come back. Despite the horrible things she has done, Maria loves making new allies. She is like Aro in her need to entertain interesting things, so make yourself interesting. 

Bella enjoyed the sights around her as she ran towards the southern tip of Texas. The camp was an hour away if she travelled at top speed, but she chose to go more slowly. She was in no hurry to join a war. The trees became less and less common and the lush grass died into shrub land. It reminded her a little of Arizona, where her scant childhood memories took place. 

Bella almost stopped when she hit the scents of other vampires. Not one or two, but twenty or thirty. The air was sickly sweet with the smell of venom and smoke. Still smouldering bonfires laid out to the side of her. The smell was so strong that she almost didn’t pick out the one so familiar to her; wood and spice mixed with ash and regret. Jasper had been here, this must have been the site of Maria’s defeat. Bella tried to ignore the sight of the harrowing battlefield and the sense of dread it created in her. This was perfect really, now she had a trail to follow straight to the camp. 

Getting into the camp will be tricky. This is going to require more confidence than you usually have. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT try to sneak into the camp. They will assume you are a spy from Johan and kill you on sight. You need to walk in like you have every right to be there. They will be aggressive at first, but so long as no one gives an order to kill you you should be okay. 

Bella slowed to a walk as she neared the encampment. It looked almost human, large tents covered the area from her curious eyes. She had to suppress the instinct to find a high place and spy first. They would detect her immediately and all this effort would be for nothing. 

Bella took a deep breath and immediately regretted it. The camp stank of blood. What she had meant to soothe herself instead set her throat on fire. She held her breath and willed the feeling to go away, it only dimmed a little. She swallowed the venom that had welled up in her mouth. This experience would either desensitise her to blood and make her control that much better, or break it and give her a craving for life. In the midst of bloodlust she wasn’t sure what she wanted. She couldn’t imagine being in this environment for her newborn year, it was hard enough being a few years old. She knew from Jasper that they would starve the newborns to make them more vicious, add that to the stench and she could see why that would drive them insane. 

She needed to keep walking, standing motionless at the edge of a camp was a clearly aggressive gesture. She took a step forward and marched semi-confidently towards the middle of the camp. 

It was obvious when the diminished army noticed her. The newborns were preoccupied, nursing wounds and severed arms and legs that were slowly binding back to them. Their eyes were deep black, starved of nourishment. 

A broad man zipped in front of her, he looked as starved as the soldiers around him but was clearly not a newborn. Bella decided he must be one of Maria’s lieutenants Jasper had mentioned from his intact clothing. 

“Who the hell are you?” he hissed in a strong Mexican accent. 

If one of the lieutenants gives an order to kill you, run. Just run. I already taught you how last time we saw each other.  

“My name’s Bella,” she replied, trying to exude a confidence she didn’t possess. “I’m here to speak to Maria.”

A low growl rumbled towards her from the pack of newborns, the lieutenants eyes somehow darkened further. 

“And why should I let you near her?”

“Because I have something she wants.” Bella forced herself to smirk. “Something that can ensure she never faces a defeat like this again.”

The lieutenant looked unconvinced, she decided to take a risk. “If Maria decides not to let me stay, feel free to kill me.”

She could almost hear Jasper screaming at her from the far away future. 

He glared at her for a second, then unceremoniously turned and walked towards a large tent on the edge of the camp. Bella inferred that she was supposed to follow. 

As they travelled through the camp, Bella saw something she hadn’t noticed from her vantage point before. The epicentre of the stench was a large pit in the centre of the vamp. The dirt walls were spattered with smears of human blood. Straight lines streaked through it as if someone had tried to lick it all off. They must keep their human prey in the pit, she realised, to contain the carnage. 

They reached the largest tent and the man motioned for her to enter. It was full of salvaged furniture, beaten up and old fashioned. There was a round table on the far side with maps sitting on its surface, a dresser so full of clothes that the drawers wouldn’t shut. A ragged, damp smelling couch was in the centre and that’s where Maria reclined. She was a tiny woman, wearing a nicer dress than expected and with long black hair that draped over one of the arms and tickled the floor. She would look like a human lounging, except that she was completely unmoving until she turned to acknowledge the two who had just walked in.

Her stare was disinterested as she took in Bella and the lieutenant. “Who on Earth is this, Anton?” She asked unnecessarily, as she must have heard their exchange earlier. 

“Some northerner,” he grunted. “Says she has something you want, Ma’am.”

Maria straightened and peered at Bella’s face. “Such strange eyes. Best tell me who you are outsider, before my men rip you limb from limb.”

I trust in your ability to charm vampires, after all you charmed all of us. However, Maria will be feeling paranoid after her defeat. You can’t make a misstep at this initial meeting. Here what you need to say:

“My name is Bella,” She said. “I heard of your recent defeat from Johan’s coven.”

Maria’s eyes narrowed, “What of it?”

“He had a gifted newborn with him, correct? Who scrambled your army’s thoughts and made it almost impossible for them to fight. You only survived by ordering a retreat and he took large amounts of territory from you.”

Anton growled and lowered into a light crouch, Bella eyed him warily.

“How do you know this?” Maria asked, “Are you with him?”

“No, I can’t stand him.” Bella made herself smile. “I’m just travelling around. Observing. I didn’t want to get involved, but Johan disrespected me. I want to teach him a lesson and you’re my best bet to do it.”

“As much as I appreciate revenge,” Maria said. “I still have not heard a reason to let you keep your life.”

“I have a gift of my own.” Bella said. “I’m a shield, completely immune from mental powers. Including Johan’s newborn’s.”

Maria raised an eyebrow and gestured for her to continue.

“I can expand my shield over wide areas. With enough concentration I can cover specific people, even in battles,” Bella continued. “I hung around Johan’s camp long enough to hear his plans. He’s planning to attack you again in five months. Without a defence against his gifted newborn you don’t stand a chance. So use me. Let me protect your army from him.”

Maria’s ruby red eyes bore into her for a moment, then she broke into a wide smile. “If what you say is true, then I’m sure I can find a use for you. You have to prove it, of course.”

“Certainly,” Bella replied. “Do you have anyone with a mental gift?”

Maria’s lips pursed, “Just two. One isn’t here right now.”

Bella thanked her lucky stars again that Jasper wasn’t there. Despite his powers appearing mental, they were physical and not stopped by her shield. She doubted that they knew that.

“Anton here is a tracker,” Maria gestured to the man standing beside Bella. “He can track anyone’s mind right to the spot they are standing in. He will run out of earshot, and you will shield me so he can not find me. Understood?”

“Perfectly.” Bella smiled. 

Anton gave a quick bow to his queen and ran out of the tent. Bella waited until his footsteps faded into nothing and stretched her shield over the grinning warlord. She knew it worked when much faster thuds returned into earshot and a panicked tracker raced back into the tent.

“Ma’am I couldn’t sense you!” he gasped. “For a moment I thought you were dead!”

Maria laughed and clapped her hands together in glee. “Incredible!” she announced. “You truly may be our salvation, Belle!”

Bella made the decision not to correct her name. 

Anton’s eyes darted wildly about him. “So she will stay?” he asked.

“Yes, she will stay.” Maria’s smile turned dangerous, Anton cowered from the much smaller woman. “She will be one of my lieutenants and treated with the respect that role deserves. Do you understand me?”

“Yes Ma’am…”

“Good.” Maria turned to Bella and began to play with her hair. Bella tried not to flinch back. “Our strange eyed friend will be of great use to me. Come sit with me my Belle, and explain them to me. Such a beautiful gold, like the eyes of a hawk.”

Be careful with your diet, it is possible that she will enjoy the spectacle of a vegetarian vampire, but she may also feel threatened by it. If she insists you drink from a human, just do it. I know you don’t want to and it goes against everything you believe in, but if there’s a human in the camp they are already doomed. It is more important that you stay alive. Befriend Maria, stay in her good books, keep close to her and avoid the newborns until we return. She needs to convince me not to kill you when I come back that evening.

Bella smiled and let herself be led back to the couch. Maria watched her enraptured as she explained her animal diet. 

“If I decide to kill a human, I like to enjoy it.” Bella quoted Jasper’s instructions. “When I have human blood for every meal, I don’t appreciate the taste or get as much joy from watching the life drain out of their eyes. You understand that desire, I’m sure.”

Maria giggled in delight. “You are a woman after my own heart, my Belle. I must confess I am in awe of your dedication. To put so much effort into enjoying a kill. How diabolical. I am happy for you to continue your diet, so long as it does not interfere with my army, of course.”

Bella smiled back at her. “Of course, I would never dream of it.”

Maria clasped her hands. “I have a feeling we will be great friends, my Belle. The Major, my second in command, will be so pleased when he comes back. Our defeat stressed him greatly. It took so much to convince him to leave me, poor dear.”

Bella stiffened at the reminder that this was the world of someone she cared so deeply for.

Remember that I will not be the man you know now, if a strange vampire with strange eyes were to just walk into my territory I would kill them without question. I know you hate Maria, but you need her to keep you safe from me.

“He sounds like a dedicated soldier.”

“Oh he is!” She gushed. “I must confess I am quite proud of him. So dedicated to me.”

Bella glanced outside as Maria continued to tell her all about The Major and the battles they had won together. It was the first of January and the sky was darkening.

She is not the threat to you here, not really. I am. 

Two blonde men were running in from the distance. 

Chapter Text

January 1st, 1886.

Maria hadn’t yet noticed Jasper running towards the camp, so Bella savoured the second to gather her thoughts.

Jasper was a fighter, a soldier - even in her time. He was the man you went to when you needed something done, when you needed a plan drenched in logic and every possible contingency thought of. He was one of the sweetest, kindest people she knew. He dragged her through her newborn year intact when no one else could, he pulled her out of every funk, he always had time, always cared. He was funny. He was strong. He was her friend.

She missed him already.

She tried to clamp down on the warm feeling she always got in her chest when she thought of him. She could make out the vague shape of his features on the horizon, but this wasn’t her Jasper. She needed to remember that. Her Jasper was tortured by the events in this camp, by everything he had done. This Jasper, the one she was about to meet, did not regret his actions. He didn’t think twice about killing others. If he were to meet his future counterpart he would think he was weak and pathetic.

She truly didn’t know how to feel.

“Major!” Maria called, finally spotting him as he crossed the threshold into the camp. “Come here! I have someone I want you to meet!”

Bella had sparred with Jasper before, she had seen his battle face. She had seen him furious as he defended her. She even had a vague memory of him launching himself at her throat when she was human, she thought she knew his every face and expression. But not this one.

No, she had never seen Jasper so openly murderous.

He didn’t stop as he entered the tent, he swept past Maria and grabbed Bella by the throat. He moved so fast the momentum carried them further to the back of the tent, so fast that she didn’t even have time to react. He hoisted her into the air and snarled inches away from her face. She forced herself to go limp, not be a threat.

Maria giggled. “My Major, what an angry boy. What are you doing?”

“I caught her scent on the way here,” he growled. “She came from Johan’s camp. She’s a spy.”

Bella’s instincts screamed at her to struggle, wriggle away, bite his thumb that was just barely close enough if she bent in the right way. He would drop her. She could get free. She clamped down on those feelings, struggling would do nothing.

“Oh she’s no spy, my sweet!” Maria came up behind him and started running her fingers through his matted blonde hair, practically coloured brown with dirt. “I interrogated her myself. She is our new friend, and the key to defeating Johan.”

He paused and took a breath. The blackness of his eyes retracted slightly to show the red rings of his irises. He looked her up and down as she dangled in his fist, finally settling on her yellow eyes.

“Her eyes,” he grunted. “What’s wrong with them?”

“She drinks from animals!” Maria lifted herself to her tiptoes and nuzzled the crook of his neck. “Isn’t that intriguing? Devious too, she says it makes human blood all the sweeter. But you should talk to her yourself!” She reached around his back and cupped his jaw in her hand, tugged his head around to look at her. “Put her down, my love.”

Jasper hesitated, then dropped Bella unceremoniously to the ground. She stayed down and carefully looked up at him, afraid that any sudden move would lead to an attack. He kept his eyes on Maria, but she had no doubt his attention was still on her.

“Who is she?” he asked.

Maria waved him off. “First, tell me what you found on your travels. You returned earlier than expected.”

Jasper’s eyes snapped from Bella, to Maria, and back again. He finally settled on the warlord, and he suddenly changed completely. It was as if he deflated, his stiff shoulders eased down, face relaxed, fists unfurled.

“I didn’t want to leave you too long, considering the circumstances.” He sighed. “I am glad you’re still unharmed. I found a spot near-”

Bella stared at him in horror, his expression had gone from furious to love struck in seconds. She took the opportunity to scrabble off the ground while he was distracted, taking a good look at him as she went. Just like Carlisle, it was strange to see him in period appropriate dress; or at least what passed for it in this camp. His trousers were ripped at the knees and around the ankles, his shirt - that appeared to have been white once - had full chunks ripped out of it, some more clearly bite marks than others, he wore a brown vest over it that only had one button. She thought again of the Jasper she had left and tried not to imagine him wearing an outfit like this in nicer circumstances.

He stopped mid sentence and snapped around to watch her as she moved. His expression changed again, this time to one she recognised. His eyebrows pulled into the centre of his forehead and his ruby eyes widened, he looked bewildered, concerned. That was a face she knew very well.

Feeling foolishly safe to properly look at him, she allowed herself to stare for a second. She was struck by his hair, what should have been golden curls was matted and limp, dulled with mud and whatever was in the river he last washed it in. His face though, oh his face. When she looked past his burning red eyes she could see everything she had come here to save. He was barely scarred, where bite marks had once climbed up the sides of his neck and jaw were unblemished lines only interrupted by the occasional scar. A spot above his right eyebrow stuck out to her, where there had once been a particularly deep shining scar, one she could even see as a human. It was smooth, untouched.

Maybe if she did her job right, it would stay that way. She could only hope.

Jasper’s expression intensified, he took a quick step toward her.

“Major!” Maria interrupted. “You were telling me about the new location?”

He turned back to her, his previous confusion faded back into the adoration he showed before.  “Yes, my apologies Ma’am. Since we need to lay low and replenish our numbers, I scouted a place near Austin. It’s still within our territory, but Johan would never expect it, not without villages we can destroy. We can pick people off without much suspicion inside the city and on the roads, not as conspicuous.”

Maria pouted. “You wish to starve me?”

“No!” Jasper shot forward and took her hands in his. “I just want you to be safe. If we are found, Johan will come back and wipe us out. I can’t let that happen.”

“But still,” Maria’s lip wobbled in an excellent show of feigned despair. “No running out the villages? How will I entertain myself?”
Jasper smirked. “I’m sure we can find something to get your urges out.”

Bella resisted the urge to retch.

Maria smiled and sagged in his arms. “You are sure this is the only way?”

“I’m thinking in the long term,” Jasper brought her knuckle to his lips and kissed it slowly, “imagine the power you’ll gain when you take Johan’s territory, and the pleasure when you rip his head from his shoulders.”

“That does sound delicious,” Maria purred. “But I must insist on one last raid. I will miss it so. Besides, the newborns haven’t fed in such a long time, we don’t want them to go rabid in the big city - do we?”

“No, we don’t.” Jasper’s lips upturned, transfixed on the warlord’s words.

“Excellent!” She pulled away from him and turned to Jasper’s blonde companion.

Bella had been so distracted by Jasper and his strange relationship with Maria that she hadn’t even noticed Peter standing off to the side of the tent. Like Jasper he was absolutely filthy, clothed in rags, and had less scars than she last saw him with. She had only met him twice before in her time, neither time had lasted very long and they hadn’t exactly bonded. She had always liked him though, she liked the way he smiled and the way he riled Jasper up.

Maria snapped her fingers in his direction. “Go rally the troops, boy. We leave in a few minutes.”

He bowed and left the tent. It was strange to see him so compliant.

Maria gave one last laugh and swept away from Jasper and turned to the entrance of the tent, Anton followed at her heels.

“Wait,” Jasper said. “Maria, you said this girl would help us?”

“Oh yes!” Maria ran back to Bella and stroked her tiny fingers over her cheeks. “She’s a shield! She can protect others from mental powers, and has offered to help us against Johan’s little weapon! Isn’t that excellent?”

Jasper frowned. “A shield? You’re sure?”

Anton cut in. “I tested her. Are you doubting my abilities?”

“Not currently, but-”

“Now, who will guard the camp while the rest of us are gone?” Maria interrupted.

Jasper’s brow furrowed. “Peter and I will,” he said. “We fed on the way here.”

“Perfect,” Maria turned back to Bella. “Will you come with us, Belle?”

“Thank you, but no,” she replied, a false smile stretched on her lips. “I fed earlier today.”

Bella desperately searched Maria’s expression, hoping she wouldn’t question it and let her stay away from the reckless murder of an entire village. She wanted to stop it happening more than anything, but what could she do?

“Oh!” Maria patted her cheek. “Denying yourself for your next human meal? How devious. I can’t wait to see the look on your face the next time you taste human blood!”

Bella tried not to grimace, it would also be the first time she tasted human blood. She could only hope that she could get her job here done before she was forced to drink from anyone. Just thinking about it was making her throat flare into flames. She held her breath. Jasper raised an eyebrow in her direction.

“How excellent!” Maria swept to the exit once again. “You three can guard the camp and Jasper can get to know you Belle…”

Bella froze, there was something pushing against her shield, trying to get in under it. Whatever it was was heavy, suffocating. She suddenly felt cold.

Maria smiled and put a dirty palm to Bella’s cheek. “...I hope you grow to be great friends!”

The Warlord turned away out of the tent and Bella suppressed a sigh. What had been trying to get under her shield? It wasn’t Jasper, her shield had never stopped him before. She looked around herself and found Anton staring at her, a hungry look haunting his eyes.

He must have been trying to track her. Bella turned away and left the tent like she hadn’t noticed anything, hoping he wasn’t more powerful than he appeared.

He walked out behind her and zipped past to catch up with Maria at the end of the camp. A crowd of newborns milled around her. “Come!” Maria called. “I will not tolerate stragglers!”

The army trickled from the camp, leaving Jasper and Bella standing in front of the head tent and Peter near the pit below. Jasper stared at her.

“They say you’re a shield?” He demanded. His accent was thicker, she realised, than the one she remembered. It made sense, he hadn’t lived in the south for several decades when she knew him.

“Yes,” she responded, “against mental gifts.”

"Then why,” he stepped close, towering over her, “are you not blocking me?”

“No clue,” Bella realised nobody had actually told her what Jasper’s was. She tried to project confidence, even though she was panicking inside. “What’s your gift?”

“I can feel your emotions,” he grumbled as she danced back a little and regained some personal space, “and manipulate them.”
“Well, are you sure that’s mental?” she asked.

“What?” he sneered. “What else could it be?”

“Well your emotions aren’t all in your head, are they?” She was improvising, which was dangerous. “You don’t just feel them in your mind, you feel them in your body too.”

He just stared at her. She rambled. “Like maybe when you make people feel fear, you don’t make the brain think it’s afraid, you trigger an adrenaline rush that feels like your reaction to fear.”

“Adrenaline?” That damn eyebrow crept up. “The hell is that?”

Oops. Bella realised the additional problem with the situation she was in. She was completely out of practice with censoring herself, having lived with people who both knew and enjoyed the fact that she was from over 100 years in the future. This was the first time she would have to make someone actually believe she was from this time.

“Chemical that just got discovered,” she bluffed. “It’s what your body releases when you’re afraid. Don’t you get newspapers down here?” She grinned, desperately trying to project that she was teasing and hide her fear.

He didn’t appear convinced. “Don’t deflect me.”

“Well think of it this way.” Bella met his eye and tried to appear as genuine as possible. “You don’t feel fear in your head. When you’re scared you can barely think. It’s like a haze, right? You feel a clenching in your stomach, a tingle in your spine. Vision clouds over. That’s all physical.”

He paused to stare at her and then stepped in to invade her space again. “I see… Just like anger.”

“Anger?” Bella tried to ignore the strength of his scent surrounding her; the scent of books, hay and sunshine almost smothered by dirt and blood. His blood red eyes bore into her.

“Mmhm.” He nodded. “Your muscles tense, fists clench.”

She smothered a gasp as her arms locked up, her nails dug into her palms.

He leaned in and whispered in her ear, “Your chest pushes out, you can’t release your breath.”

Bella gulped, smothered by his scent. He was so close that she could bite into his neck with minimal movement. His hair touched hers.

“You can’t think of anything but what you’re focusing on.”

She couldn’t see anything but him. Her head started to ache, brows furrowed, ears tense; she couldn’t blink.

“Your ears ring, your face burns.”

Bella could barely think. She couldn’t escape this unbearable fury descending on her. She hated him, she needed to sink her teeth into his neck and rip his head from his shoulders-

As quickly as it started, it stopped.

Bella gasped and shook her head to clear it, then realised the position she and Jasper were in. They stood chest to chest, their faces inches apart. His fingers lightly rested on her forearms.

She pulled away and took a few steps back. “Don’t... do that.”

He stared to the side of her, unfocused, then turned away. “Maybe you’re right. It is physical.”

Peter finally ambled his way towards them at human pace. “You hazin’ the new kid, Major? Didn’t think it was your style.”

“Funny.” He set off down the camp.

Peter offered a smile to Bella. “Name’s Peter by the way. I prefer it over ‘boy’.”

She grinned, “Bella.”

“Really?” he asked, “Maria was calling you Belle.”

“Yeah… well…” She really wasn’t very sure what she was allowed to say about Maria. Jasper seemed so attached to her, almost fanatical.

“She’s not easy to correct, eh?” Peter smirked and winked a blood red eye. “I get it. Nice to meet you, Bella.”

“Nice to meet you too, Peter.”

He gave her a funny look. “Say, what’s a well to do Northerner doin’ all the way down here?”

She glanced at Jasper, who had turned to look at her some distance away.

Remember, I can sense when you lie. You can twist the truth, it’s pretty rare someone doesn’t in some way. But if you flat out lie, I will know.

“I’m looking for someone,” she carefully replied, “figured the best way to find him was to integrate myself into the local ‘culture’.”

“Well I guess that’s one way to do it,” he smirked and gestured to a plume of smoke in the distance. “Looks like they’re nearly done. Newborns don’t like to take their time.”

They really didn’t, it had only been a few minutes.

Peter trotted down to another part of the camp, leaving Bella alone to her thoughts. Could she really live like this? She had thought that this time in general was so alien to her, but this was a whole different world. She understood what Jasper had told her, that this wasn’t a place she belonged in. But she couldn’t find him and know him, then turn her back on him. Not now. If she didn’t belong here, she would have to adapt until she did.

Several minutes later the newborns rushed back into the camp and immediately began taking the tents down on Jasper’s orders. She stared as the moonlight bounced off him. Where his skin once cast rainbows, he only glimmered from the occasional bite.

Newborns ran behind her and started dismantling the large tent there. She wasn’t ashamed of the fact that they scared her. They wore what could only be described as rags, either stolen from their victims or perhaps kept from when they were humans themselves. They had overindulged on human blood so much that their eyes shone red in the darkness. They were rabid and stank of blood, maybe driven insane by their own smell. One snapped a pole by accident, strong, unpredictable.

His mistake did not go unpunished long. Out of nowhere, Jasper appeared and ripped the man’s arm clean off his torso. He landed screaming in the mud.

“Sloppy work,” Jasper growled. “No care taken.”

The man started sobbing. Bella could feel the waves of fear and remorse Jasper was pumping out from where she stood metres away.

“Please!” He cried. “I’m sorry!”

“Are you?” Jasper asked and popped a digit off the man’s severed arm. He howled in pain, feeling it like it was still attached to his body.
“Yes! I am! I’ll be more careful! Please!” He was so distraught, gasping in air as if he needed it.

“Good.” Jasper threw the newborn’s arm at him, but held up the finger he took. He stared at it keenly like a new trophy. “I will keep this until you prove that.”

The newborn laid still for a moment, snivelling on the ground. Then Jasper shot him a look and he dragged himself up, scrambling after the others. He cradled his disfigured arm against his chest, still not attached to his body.

Bella felt numb, there was nothing else to describe it. What she had just seen was brutal, maybe even evil. She had to remind herself, Jasper came back from this before, he could - no, he would - do it again.

“You coming?” Peter tapped her on the arm. Startled, she turned back to the rest of the camp only to find a muddy field and a large pit. Jasper stood at the head of the gaggle of newborns, they were moving out.

“Yeah.” She whispered, and followed him to join the rest of the army. 

Chapter Text

January 17th, 1886.

The new camp was disgusting, a demon filled cesspit in the middle of the forest. But Bella had her own room so she couldn’t really complain.

Well, more of a tree than a room. But it was taller than the other trees so Bella could at least pretend to have privacy, despite the lack of winter leaves.

All she really did was sit up there. Nothing really happened. The newborns trained and talked and hissed at each other. Every few days a load of humans were carried in and Bella had to climb to the very top of her tree to get away from the smell. There was nothing for her to do that wouldn’t traumatise her for life. The camp ran around her and her tree like the world’s most boring hellhole. She just stayed in her tree and tried not to invoke Jasper’s wrath.

He was so very obviously suspicious of her. He had only spoken two words to her together since they had set up in this new camp. “Evenin’ Bella.” Not exactly a conversation but it had given her some hope at first, until she responded with her own “Evening, Jasper.” and he looked at her like she was the devil incarnate. She kept out of his way after that. She kept out of everyone’s way.

She vaguely remembered a phrase she knew from her human days, half of war was waiting. Thus far, all of war was waiting. Future Jasper’s instructions rang in her mind whenever she had the urge to jump down and tell him everything.

Like a good little soldier, she was following her orders to a T.

I know you will want to grab me and get out of there as quickly as possible. Resist the urge. I will most likely be on my guard around you. Stay out of my way. If you do anything too suspicious I will be on you faster than you can run. You need to wait until I am comfortable enough with you being present to do anything that might draw attention, including talking to me.

I will most likely be comfortable once I am willing to leave you in the camp without me. But you need to use your intuition. I don’t need to tell you what will happen if I think you’re a threat. Promise me you’ll be careful, Bella. Don’t underestimate me.

She waited for 16 days, 5 hours and 17 minutes until finally there was progress. Jasper was leaving the camp along with Peter, Anton and four newborns to round up some humans for dinner. He had been refusing to go, preferring to send an older newborn in his place and ‘guard the camp’. Meaning keep an eye on her.

He hadn’t wanted to go this time, but Maria insisted. Bella heard snippets of their conversation through Maria’s tent. The newborns took too long without him, Maria was getting hungry.

Maria was always hungry, the newborns too. Bella didn’t remember being as famished as they all seemed to be when she was first turned. Then again, her life hadn’t revolved around feeding like all of theirs did. The camp was built around their feeding patterns. A huge pit was dug out in the middle, all the tents surrounded it. It was called the feeding pit. When humans were dragged in they would be pushed into it so they couldn’t escape and blood wouldn’t splatter on everything. It was smart, but gruesome. It had Jasper’s clever brain written all over it.

The dirt from digging the pit was piled and packed into a mound that towered over the rest of the camp. That was what Maria’s tent stood on, high enough to look down on everyone else there. The Queen and her kingdom.

She looked around at it as she sat on a lower branch of her tree, clearly in view. The newborns gave her a wide berth like they always did, strange and intimidating as she was. She got dodgy looks from them all the time, she guessed since she so obviously didn’t belong there and there was no way they all knew what made her so useful that she had been allowed to stay. They probably all thought she was spying. But Maria had made her a lieutenant - the title given to members of the coven that had a higher status than the rest. Messing with her meant death, so their looks had gone from aggressive and suspicious at the beginning to vaguely fearful and confused.

She didn’t like feeling their eyes on her, but she had to stay in view so Jasper could see her and hopefully calm some of his anxiety. She really needed this to work. She hadn’t had a proper meal in too long, being forced to stick to birds and rodents too stupid to avoid the camp. That was almost worse than starving. She couldn’t leave just in case he and Maria thought she’d run back to Johan. It was getting difficult to ignore the burning in her throat.

Besides that, she hadn’t contacted Carlisle yet. Her plan was to send a note to him while she was out hunting. Garrett should have built a shelter in their safe place by now, and he and Kate had said they would check it often. Carlisle had been told to be patient at first while she settled in, but there was only so much time before he would get too antsy and set off for Texas. She needed to tell him she was okay, asap.

Jasper would be gone for at least five hours, which was plenty of time to do everything she needed. They would get to Austin within half an hour, but once they rounded up all the humans they needed they had to carry them back or make them walk at human pace. The newborns hated it, it always took forever.

Bella wouldn’t take her full five hours though. She was allowed to wander off, Peter did it all the time and he had even less status than her. But this was her first excursion out and she really didn’t want to get caught sneaking off while Jasper was gone. Twenty minutes to get there and back, ten more to catch a deer or something on the way. That would have to do.

She quietly moved to a lower branch as she heard Jasper prepare to move out. She would make sure to be in exactly the same spot when he got back, catch his eye and then dart back up the tree before the bloodbath started. Totally fine, perfect plan.

Just as he was about to leave, Jasper turned and looked at her. He was much nicer to look at once he’d had a wash in the river nearby. Nicer to smell too. Maria had sat him in between her legs a few days after they had arrived and worked the tangles out of his hair with her fingers. Bella tried to block out what they did afterwards.

He didn’t look as furiously suspicious as he had before, he had definitely gotten used to her. Bella even got the feeling that at this point he might rip her limbs off as a warning if she crossed him, as opposed to just killing her outright. An improvement indeed. Still, he was looking at her very intently, and Bella started to feel concerned that he might change his mind, stay at the camp or God forbid make her come with him. She had managed to avoid actively participating in the murder of humans so far.

About ten seconds later, although it felt like a lifetime, Anton shouted his name. He made an abrupt turn and joined the troops at the front of the camp. He barked at them to follow him and they moved out. Bella almost sighed with relief, she would be free to go after all.

Once the sound of thundering footsteps faded away, Bella climbed back up to the very top of her tree. She stayed out of sight and waited until someone started making noise in the camp to drop soundlessly to the ground and run south.

Bella began to run in a straight line through the trees towards the safe space, but she soon caught a whiff of Jasper’s newborns far to her right.

She decided to circle around in the opposite direction, it would add five minutes to her journey but at least she would avoid detection.

The pleasant familiar scent of Kate and Garrett reached her soon after her little detour. Her empty chest warmed with the comfort of family nearby. The rough soil trod path to the clearing was marred with their footprints. They lead to the door of a tiny wood cabin, a shed really. At about three feet on each side, it was just big enough to stand in. The clumsy ramshackle door had been painted butterscotch yellow, the colour of her eyes. Bella tentatively creaked it open and found a single shelf before her with a single envelope lying upon it. She greedily snatched it up to read its soothing message.

Little traveller,

I hope you enjoy our little post office! It has been a while since I built something with my bare fair hands so I certainly had a wonderful time. Katie, of course; supervised.

We are currently wandering about to the north should you need us. We will tell you when we change direction, just in case you have to make a run for it. You are not to worry, we are being careful avoiding all the other covens. Your friend’s maps have come in very handy. Be sure to thank him for me!

Wishing you good luck my friend!

Garrett

P.S. Do try not to get mauled, dearest. - Kate

Okay so maybe it wasn’t quite as soothing as she wanted it to be. Still, it was good to know where her friends were and from the smell of things they had been there no more than two days before. It stung a little to know that they were having a good time while she was risking her life and sanity in a God forsaken war camp, even if it was her decision.

Bella tucked the little letter in her bag and replaced it with a note she had scribbled out in her tree.

Everyone,

I’m okay! I’m in the new camp, exactly where Jasper’s letter said it would be.

I’ve spoken to him. He’s different from the man I knew, but I think that’s just because of time. His anxiety is certainly still there, I can only get out to the post office now because he’s been watching me like a hawk for ages.

Peter is pretty great. I’ve been trying to avoid talking to people while I’m building up trust, but he’s difficult to avoid. You’ll all love him. 
You’ll love Jasper too, it just might take a while.

But anyways, I’m okay, I haven’t had to kill anyone yet, and Maria’s scary.

I love you all,

Bella

She knew it was silly to think that addressing a letter to her family like a postcard from camp would calm their nerves, but what was she supposed to do? Tell them how disgusting it was? Tell them how during feeding time she had to clamp her hands over her nose and mouth and wait hours for the smell to dissipate? Tell them how she watched the man she was trying to save rip off someone’s finger and keep it? Not going to happen, she would settle with pleasantries and hope they would do.

Begrudgingly, Bella turned to leave. By her calculations she had been gone for 17 minutes, it would take 15 more to get back to camp if she needed to take a detour again, not to mention catching something to eat. Every second counted.

On her way back she kept an ear out for some kind of animal, but there was nothing. The smell of the newborns had really done a number on the wildlife population, the area was empty and deadly silent. Bella was forced to turn and run west from the camp, hoping that the further away from the camp and Austin she got, the more wildlife she might find.

It took 20 minutes of running until she finally heard a deep wet thudding of a heartbeat. She hoped for a deer, but ended up stalking a sleeping coyote from her perch on a nearby oak. She had never tried coyote before, it almost seemed like foreign cuisine.

Bella leapt from the tree, careful not to catch any of her skirts on the branches or splash any blood on her delicate collar as her teeth slid into the predator’s soft neck. It was dead before it even had time to wake up. It had a mildly spicy flavour, nicer than elk but not as good as bobcat.

She straightened from her position hovering over her prey and lifted it gingerly away from her clothes to drop it in a hollow under a tree, hopefully to rot and feed the soil one day. She had a think and realised she had been away from the camp for half an hour longer than she intended. Immediately, she turned and sprinted back to camp. She knew she was close when the background noise of the forest faded away and dead silence overtook.

Her tree was right on the edge of camp, nice and thick and gnarly, with wide flat branches at the top for her to put things on. It was close enough to the tents that she was visible to Jasper, but far enough to not have newborns nipping at her heels. It was perfect. Needless to say, she was very attached to this tree. She had even considered chiselling her name into the trunk to lay claim, but thought it might be too conspicuous.

She reached it after 13 minutes of running, as she sprinted back through the detour and knocked two minutes off. Careful not to make any noise, she leapt to a thick branch 6 feet up and began to climb to the top.

There was a very particular branch that was the perfect size for Bella to settle on, shielded from view by branches and close enough to the top for the sun to dance on the dewdrops in the morning. It was Bella’s favourite.

And a snarky blonde vampire was lying on it.

“Oh good morning Belle,” Peter grinned. “So nice of you to join us!”

Bella panicked. Peter was supposed to have gone with Jasper. She never would have left had she known he would stay. If he turned her in they might follow her scent and find the post office, her cover would be blown and she would never get Jasper out of here. She had to negotiate this situation extremely carefully or she could lose everything and everything she had gone through so far would be for nothing and-

Peter snorted. “Well it’s clear you were up to somethin’! Your eyes are so wide I can see into your skull!”

Bella shut her eyes immediately, for no logical reason.

“Calm yourself, Bella.” Peter grinned at her as she peeked her eyes back open. “I won’t rip your head off, promise.”

“Then what are you doing in my tree?” Bella asked, hoisting herself up onto an adjacent branch.

“Oh it’s your tree is it?” He didn’t fit quite as well as Bella did, he had to have his legs bent up onto the trunk. His feet rested on a knot at the very top, the branch shook as he stretched. “I don’t see no sign or nothin’.”

“Knew I should’ve carved my name into it,” Bella smirked. She was desperately trying to project some calm. If Peter was back, that meant Jasper might be too.

“You think newborns read? Honestly, you’re better off just spitting on it.”

Bella couldn’t believe she had never heard about this vampire obsession about spitting on or licking things until she came back to the past.

“Okay,” She said. “What are you doing in this unowned tree?”

“Waiting for you!” He stretched his arms back behind his head. “Since you decided to go walkies.” He drastically lowered his volume to where Bella had to strain to hear him. Her chest relaxed, maybe this meant he would keep her transgression a secret.

“Are walkies not allowed?” she replied in the same volume.

He shrugged, “For any other lieutenant, sure. For someone who waltzed into camp a couple weeks ago and freaked out the Major? Bad idea.”
“He’s that scared of me, huh?”

“Don’t tell him I told you this, but the man is easily spooked.” Peter’s easy grin didn’t falter as he whispered. “Takes a lot to make him care, but once he does he gets protective and upsets very easy.”

“Anxious, almost.” Bella replied, thinking of her own Jasper.

“Yeah.” Peter looked at her curiously, “Where were you anyway?”

“Why? You gonna tell on me?” Bella held her breath.

“Well the Major did send me back to keep an eye on you. He got a weird read on you as we left the camp, then it took him five whole minutes to drive himself into a frenzy and make me come back.” He grimaced. “And now you’re refusing to tell me where you were? I probably should tell on you.”

“But if I do tell you, you’ll keep it a secret?” she asked.

“Sure,” Peter’s smirk reappeared. “You got a lil’ double life goin’ on kiddo?”

“Everyone has layers,” Bella smiled. Peter was way too easy to trust. “I have family up north that like to be updated. I send them letters so my father doesn’t come barging into a war camp to make sure I’m okay.”

Peter’s smile turned a little wistful. “Lucky you. Though maybe I should tell and stop you goin’. Your father marching in here and going toe to toe with Anton on how his baby girl is being treated sounds mighty entertaining to me.”

“You wouldn’t!” Bella’s breath caught. “You will keep this secret for me, right? My father isn’t the fighting type. It would be a bloodbath.”

“Yeah yeah, keep your panties on!” Peter grinned. “I’ll tell the Major you were good as gold, hopefully he’ll get used to you soon. I lost first pick of dinner ‘cause of you, that’s a big sacrifice on my part.”

“I’m sure you’ll survive.” Bella’s ears pricked at a strange sound in the distance. Like a mixture of crunching and scraping that she couldn’t attribute a cause to. “The hell is that?”

“No idea,” Peter looked confused too. He jumped down to the forest floor and Bella begrudgingly followed. “Should probably go check. Come on.”

The sound quickly grew louder and louder as they walked to meet it halfway from the camp. It took Bella a while to realise the strange sound was of wheels struggling on the uneven forest floor. She and Peter exchanged a look before venturing out from behind a particularly wide tree and coming face to face with the Major.

He smirked, “We hit the jackpot.” He gestured to the spectacle behind him.

A bedraggled stagecoach carriage stood there. It was in bad shape. Scratches marred its sides where it had been scratched up by trees, the wheels were caked in mud, twigs and leaves, and, Bella noted with amusement; it was being pulled by two newborns instead of horses. They did not look happy about it either. That must have been how they got back hours earlier than she’d expected. As Jasper lead them to the other side of the stagecoach, telling Peter all about how they had come across them on the road like a prepackaged dinner, she noticed one of the back wheels had been torn off and another newborn was crouched down there, supporting the axle with his own shoulder. He also looked furious. Despite the horrific circumstances she had to suppress a laugh.

That laugh died in her chest when she chanced a look at the carriage window, where seven terrified humans stared back at her. She assumed there were five passengers and the two drivers stuffed in there, so close they couldn’t move.

“We tried to bring you back a snack,” Anton sneered. “But the horses ran off pretty sharpish.”

Bella tried not to roll her eyes. “It’s the thought that counts.”

“It was my idea to keep the carriage you know.” He bragged.

Peter rolled his eyes in Bella’s peripheral vision; she suppressed a snort. “Really?”

Jasper slapped the back of Anton’s head, “Just get the humans into camp, the carriage won’t go any further. I’ll get Maria.”

“You better not steal the credit!” Anton called after him, receiving only a withering look for his efforts.

Anton grumbled for a moment, then turned and clicked the carriage door open. It was so full that a man fell out before the steps could come down. Bella caught him by instinct and winced as he recoiled away from her cold skin.

“Please…” he whispered. “I beg you, please spare us.”

Bella let him go like a shot and dashed back to where Peter stood. She couldn’t save him, but that didn’t stop the guilt eating her alive. She averted her eyes as the other humans were pulled from the carriage, the last one held on to the seat with her nails, kicking and screaming for mercy.

It was hopeless, of course. That last human had to join the single file procession marching into camp. Anton gave her a shove in the back for struggling. She stumbled against a tree, snivelling.

It took a second for Bella to realise what she was smelling, the sound reached her first. A sharp gasp and a rip as the skin of the victim’s palm scraped on the tree, leaving dribbles of precious blood smeared on the bark.

All Bella’s feelings of guilt and morality didn’t matter now. The savoury scent of blood filled her nose and clouded her mind. Her vision turned red. Only the deep red smears on the woman’s sleeve were important. All she could hear was that heartbeat, deep wet and panicked. She wanted it, she needed it. Ambrosia. Life force. Perfect. Beautiful. Worth killing for.

But before she could get further than a few steps, the mouthwatering smell was blocked by Peter’s applejack scent clamped over her mouth. As her mind cleared, she realised there was an arm pulled in an iron grip around her arms and torso, pulling her backwards into the forest.

Peter’s face appeared before her, frantically observing her eyes as they turned back from black to butter yellow.

“You stopped me,” She whispered as his hand peeled away from her nose and mouth. “Why did you stop me?”

He shrugged, “I dunno. I just had a feelin’ you needed me to. There’s more to your eating animals than just enjoying humans more isn’t there?”

“Yes,” She figured there was no lying to Peter. “Y’know you have pretty good intuition.”

“Sometimes I just know shit,” He smiled carefully. “C’mon. You might not partake in dinner, but the Major’ll be chompin’ at the bit to see if his little insurgent caused any trouble. Best you’re in view.”

Bella took a second to shake herself, then followed her friend back into the hellhole of a camp. She quietly suppressed this new shame, the memory of the time she almost killed a woman for scraping her hand.

Chapter Text

February 20th, 1886.

Carlisle,

I’m sorry I haven’t sent you anything in a while. Jasper’s letters were right, Johan’s scouts have been sighted in the area and the whole camp is on lockdown. I’ve only been able to get out when Peter comes with me. Don’t worry, he doesn’t know anything about the time travel, or the plan. He always hangs back away from the post office when I’m here. I wouldn’t even know how to bring it all up to him. I guess that’s future Bella’s problem.

He’s just a genuinely good friend. I’m glad to have him right now because Maria’s been going crazy trying to prepare for a fight with Johan. She’s starving all the newborns and making Jasper train them 24/7. I didn’t think the atmosphere in that camp could get any darker, but clearly I was wrong. I am staying safe though, I promise. I keep out of everyone’s way.

Jasper’s stressed, but I do think he’s warming up to me. He’s regularly leaving m e alone in the camp now, although he still hasn’t talked to me. I am still hopeful that this will all turn out okay.

Send my love to the others!

Bella xx

Bella clutched her letter as she made her way to the little post office, her belly full from the coyote she had just consumed. She had been so lucky to get through this situation the way she had, and it was all thanks to Peter. She barely had time to worry about being able to hunt with the camp in lockdown before Jasper ordered her to accompany Peter on his patrols. He had looked conflicted about it, Jasper always looked conflicted these days. She knew how all this would turn out, obviously Jasper’s letters had told her. She wished she could tell him, but she could only imagine how that would go.

Peter had definitely been the one to ask him to put her on patrols. It was a great idea, she went out with him multiple times a day and could feed whenever she needed to. The only thing that kept her from contacting her family was that they had no choice of what direction they went in. For three weeks they had been sent north, east and south; never west towards the post office. She wasn’t allowed out except to patrol.

She just hoped Carlisle wasn’t too worried.

Bella squeaked open the butter yellow door and found a note and a package for her sitting on the bench. She greedily snatched up the note and consumed its contents.

My dear girl,

It has been six weeks since I saw you last. I must confess that despite your reassurances of your continuing safety, I find myself growing ever restless.

Forgive an old man for his need to feel useful, but you mentioned having a rather large amount of spare time so I thought I might give you something to fill it that might remind you of home. Remember, we are all behind you.

Stay safe, Bella.

All my love, Carlisle.

Carefully arranged below the note was a thick stack of paper, tied into a book with a sturdy, black velvet ribbon that Bella recognised from Irina’s collection. She brushed the bow aside to see the title; ‘The Complete Works of Shakespeare, transcribed by Carlisle Cullen.’.

Bella’s breath caught as she traced Carlisle’s delicate script, exactly the same as the writing that she had been sent back to the past with; only scratchier for having to dip his pen in an inkwell. She marvelled at the love that had been poured into it, the script was tiny, too small for a human to read but fine for a vampire, every letter and punctuation mark was perfectly formed in miniature.

She flipped through it and noted her favourite lines, remembering the hours she had spent pouring over these masterpieces. Even in this dark and deadly world she had volunteered herself to, however isolated they were - these still existed. Her home and family still existed, and were out there waiting for her.

Carlisle was a genius, this was exactly what she needed.

She placed her letter on the bench, then tucked the heavy tome safely into her satchel and set off back to the camp, taking a quick detour along the way to find another coyote to tide her over. Afterall, there was trouble brewing and she needed to be her fighting best. 

Bella slowed to a more human run as her meeting place with Peter swam into view. The tall blonde was leaning against a large oak tree. Since washing his face in the stream and stealing new clothes with Jasper when they first arrived, he had paid no attention to his appearance and it was starting to show. His shirt and pants were caked in the filth that comes with sparring with newborns all day. There were huge tears down his left side from being skidded across the ground like a bowling ball during a particularly nasty fight. Bella could see the skin of his leg, arm and torso through the rips; there were more glowing scars littered there than she was happy with. His hair flicked out around his neck, rendered stiff by the gobs of mud and dried blood that were caught in it. A streak of mud on his cheek met the grin he greeted her with.

“Hey Bells! Papa dearest leave you anything?”

Bella scooped out the thick volume and held it aloft. “He wrote out Shakespeare for me!”

Peter snorted and took the thick stack of creamy paper. “Fancy handwritin’ fer a fancy man!” He said as he flipped through the first few pages.

“He thinks it will remind me of home.” They began to run the short distance back towards the camp. “Hopefully I won’t look too weird reading around here.”

“It’s hardly a usual pastime,” he snorted. “You’ve read Shakespeare, then?”

“Yeah,” said Bella, “loads of times.”

Peter scoffed. “Back where I’m from, you were lucky to know how to read, let alone read some fancy pants play from the dark ages.”
“Is this your way of telling me you don’t know how to read?”

“I can read enough to get by!”

“There’s no fun in ‘enough to get by’.”

“Imagine reading for fun!” He laughed. “You Northerners and your fancy pants books for your fancy pants lives-”

“Hey!” She laughed back, they slowed to a walk as her tree came into view. “I take offence to that! Reading for fun is not fancy, and I’m not even really Northern. I’m from Phoenix! Spent my whole childhood there.”

“Phoenix?” Peter scoffed. “Never heard of it, no need to make excuses for your Northernness to me. I’ve already judged ya.”

“It’s a city in Arizona,” Bella grinned. “But if you don’t know where Arizona is, it’s some way west-”

“I know where Arizona is!” The tree shook with Peter’s laughter as he jumped onto a low lying branch. “Y’all Northerners always lookin’ down on us.”

“Well you can’t blame us, we are further up-”

“Your whole childhood?”

Bella jumped, she hadn’t noticed Jasper standing in the trees beside them. Peter had her so distracted she didn’t even realise someone was listening.

“Yeah,” she said without thinking, “since I was one.”

He stormed forwards and invaded her space, she forced herself to look him in the eye and pretend she had nothing to hide. Peter quivered behind her, for this was not Jasper the friend. This was Jasper the Major, and he was pissed about something.

“In the city of Phoenix?” He hissed. “You are no newborn, how old did you say you are?”

His mouth was taut and his tone clipped, she searched her brain to think of how she might have offended him. Maybe he had been in some kind of battle around there, she wasn’t quite educated enough in the Civil War to know.

She absolutely was not supposed to answer his questions with anything specific. What if what she said was wrong? But even if she lied, what lie would she tell? What if the lie turned out to be worse than the truth? She didn’t know what she had said wrong.

“I didn’t.” She foolishly replied. “I was turned 5 years ago, nearly 6.”

His jaw closed with an audible click. Bella immediately regretted telling the truth, then checked herself because she knew he could feel it.

“You can’t have been younger than… 17 when you were turned.” He stated.

Bella felt her own stupidity closing in on her. How exactly was she supposed to back out of this? Lie and tell him she was younger? That wouldn’t be very believable considering she had been almost 19 when she was turned. Besides, how young would she need to be to get out of this? She made the sensible decision to stop giving him such specific information and just nodded in reply.

He stared down at her for a second. Peter remained dead silent beside her, whether he was equally as confused as Jasper or just trying to keep a low profile she didn’t know.

“The settlement of Phoenix was founded in 1867.” Jasper said. “When you were 3 years old, minimum.”

Crap.

“Was it?” Bella bluffed. “My human memories are a little fuzzy, I must have been older when I moved there.”

“And it was not incorporated into a city,” He continued. “Until five years ago, when you were a newborn living in the North.” His eyes bore a hole into her.

“I found out it had become a city after I was turned.”

That was dumb, Bella admonished herself. Twist the truth, don’t outright lie.

“Really?” Jasper had latched on to her now, she could feel his emotional influence surrounding her like a straightjacket. She had felt his powers a thousand times, but this was the first time they had truly been used against her. Not influencing her, forcing her. It hurt. She couldn’t think, she couldn’t breathe; she could only feel this swell of enhanced conflict and panic closing in on her. Jasper could feel that she was lying and was going to draw the truth out of her through the torture only he could perform. “So a newborn vampire who can barely remember her life in the South decided to stay abreast of the politics of the region? Forgive me if I-”

“Her daddy must have told her!” Peter interrupted. “Isn’t that right, Bella?”

The onslaught of emotions paused in their efforts to smother her for a moment as Jasper turned his attention to his friend. “What?”

“Her sire’s real studious like, from what she told me.” Peter continued, his eyes darted wildly from Jasper to Bella, a false confident grin on his lips. “I bet he’s been keepin’ track of what happens down here and keepin’ her informed.”

Bella thanked whatever god was listening for Peter’s quick thinking and blind trust. “Yes, that’s right,” she said. “My sire likes to tell me about the political situation down here. He thinks it’s important for me to know.”

Jasper was still staring at Peter, his eyes narrowed. Bella took the opportunity to silently scramble away from her position below his towering figure. She tried her best not to project any emotion, especially not regret for making such a stupid slip up.

Jasper opened his mouth as if to start berating his brother, but was interrupted by Anton bustling through the tree line towards them.

“Are you slackers done having a little tea party back here?” He hissed. “Maria has been waiting for you for hours!”

Jasper sighed, his trance and fury shattered into simple annoyance. “I have been away from the camp for ten minutes, Anton.”

“I don’t care!” Anton’s eyes flashed dangerously. “Your mistress needs you and you’re back here gossiping! You’re a disgrace, the lot of you. Now come on.”

Peter slipped the book into Bella’s bag as he followed Jasper back to camp. She went to climb back up her tree, but was stopped by Anton’s hand on her shoulder. “You too.”

Bella frowned. “Me?”

“You’re a lieutenant, aren’t you?! Yes. You.” Anton shoved her in the direction of the main tent.

Bella tried not to look confused as she made her way to Maria’s residence, for she felt the eyes of the starved newborns boring into her. This was the first time Maria had summoned her with the other Lieutenants since she came to the camp two months earlier. She could only hope it wouldn’t herald the beginning of her having increased responsibilities. She was perfectly happy sitting in her tree all day and pretending that none of it was going on around her, plus now she had reading material.

She felt the newborns’ eyes on her as she matched Anton’s quick pace towards the tent. She wanted to dawdle, but after her recent errors she needed to avoid drawing attention to herself.

She ducked through the tent flap. Jasper and Maria were gathered around the large table that was always in the tent, the one that held Jasper’s maps. Peter stood at attention behind them.

“Oh my Belle is here!” Maria crooned. “So nice of you to finally join us, my sweet.”

Bella forced an uncomfortable smile and stepped into Maria’s cold embrace. The older vampire tucked her arm around her waist and held her uncomfortably close as she continued talking. “Now, Major.” She said. “Have we had any more sightings of Johan’s men?”

“None.” He replied. “His entire operation has gone underground. He must be rebuilding his forces just like we are. Our edge in battle is that we actually train our soldiers, but we can’t risk them being too injured since they haven’t been fed. The attack we have been preparing for just hasn’t come. I suggest that we get some humans in immediately, turn some more and train all of them so we are more prepared in a few months.”

Maria sighed and twirled a long piece of ebony hair around her finger. “Pity... I was hoping for a fight…”

“But we could still have one!” Anton cut in, his crimson puppy dog eyes out in full force. “Maria, I have been doing scouting of my own. The Martin coven to the west tried to expand north just yesterday but suffered massive losses. They are weak and we could just waltz right in and take their territory!”

Maria gasped, “Oh my Anton, I knew you wouldn’t fail me!”

Anton practically glowed under the praise, but Jasper looked panicked. “Wait, we aren’t prepped for that at all. We can’t attack another coven just ‘cause the newborns are starving. I haven’t been able to make a plan or do reconnaissance or nothin’!”

“Excuse me?” Maria hissed.

Bella suddenly had the very strange experience of watching Jasper; strong, intelligent, intimidating Jasper, cowering under the glare of this tiny warlord. Maria was short and slight, there was no way she could ever beat Jasper in combat. Yet when she got angry, men twice her size seized in fear. There had to be something else going on, Bella thought. Something altering their perception of her.

“I…” he whispered. “I’m sorry-"

She cut him off with a gesture and tapped the hand drawn map spread out on the battered mahogany wood table. Place names and topographical notes were printed in Jasper’s meticulous handwriting.

“Make a plan, then.” She ordered. “If it’s so important to you. But I want that territory and I want it tomorrow.”

Jasper nodded frantically. “You’ll get it, I swear.”

Maria’s mouth twisted into a smirk. She stepped forward and stroked Jasper’s stubbled chin. “Don’t disappoint me, sweetheart.”

With a patronising pat on the cheek, Maria swept from the tent with a grinning Anton scurrying after her. Jasper let out a breath.

“Peter. Take Ramiro and scout any vantage points over the enemy camp. Be back by nightfall and don’t get caught. Got it?”

“Affirmative, Major.” Peter replied, clapping Jasper on the shoulder on the way out.

Jasper sighed and turned to a chest of drawers along the side wall, he rummaged through the top drawer and produced a bottle of ink and a homemade quill. Bella felt a little awkward as he started fussing over the map as if she wasn’t there. This was the first time they’d been alone together since she first joined the camp, and the first experience was hardly pleasant.

Still, this is one of the few times when she was seeing the Jasper she truly knew. The man who got hurt trying to be everywhere at once when fighting the newborns and wrote an entire dossier on the wars to prepare her for this journey. Jasper was a planner, and a stresser. And she couldn’t stand to see him suffer.

She cautiously stepped forward. “Can I help?”

Jasper’s gaze shot up to meet her like he’d forgotten she was there. He studied her for a moment, until the little wrinkle between his eyebrows smoothed out.

“The men should be at the front of the camp right now, practising. Go supervise and stop them slacking off or killing each other.” He paused.

“You gonna be able to stop them killing you?”

“Long enough for you to come pry them off me when I yell?” Bella joked.

He mustered a snort. “Sure. Go get ‘em.”

Bella pondered the morality of what she was doing as she watched the starving, enslaved soldiers rip into each other for no reason. It wasn’t like she could stop any of them hurting each other, it was kind of the point of the exercise. She drew the line at actually removing body parts,

something she had heard the other lieutenants doing when this was their job. With the newborns starved as they were, their arms and legs most likely wouldn’t fuse back on properly and then what use were they?

They all continued to watch her warily. She didn’t blame them. They got so much abuse from the lieutenants and Maria was absolutely indifferent to them. Bella had just waltzed in with her strange eyes, assumed a position of authority over them and then immediately spent all her time up in a tree. She was bound not to be a popular figure. If they did start acting out she wasn’t even sure if she could stop them.

As if by magic, there was a roar from the peripheries as a detached arm was thrown into the air and landed with a thud several miles away in the trees.

“Hey!” Bella shouted and made her way to the fight still going on.

The now one armed victim was a thin, twitchy boy that could be no older than 14. He was one of those who had forgotten his name when he was turned, and no one had bothered to give him a new one. She just called him Squeak in her head.

Squeak was cowering on the ground away from his aggressor. It was the nine fingered newborn Bella now knew as George, who she had watched be attacked on her first day there. He was advancing on Squeak’s trembling form, clearly about to strike again.

Bella got between them. “Back off!” she shouted. “I said no removing limbs. You’re sparring, not killing each other!”

Bella wasn’t sure what she was expecting. She certainly hoped that George would back down, go find Squeak’s missing arm, apologise and they’d call it a day. That didn’t happen.

George got up in her face, his nose half an inch away from hers. “Why the fuck do you care?” He growled. “You’re a liability. Just like him.”
Bella had no time to react before he shoved her up into the air and away from him. She just barely managed to arrange herself so she would land on her feet.

“Are you really trying to pick a fight with me, George?” She asked. “Do you really think that will end well for you?”

“I don’t CARE!” He screamed. “I’M SO THIRSTY!”

Bella was very aware of that. His skin had turned a flat white, his eyes were pitch black and had sunk deeper into his skull, every muscle of his was tense and every breath was a pant. And it wasn’t just him. Every newborn she was surrounded by looked desperate.

“You took us from our homes!” George continued. “Our families! You turned us into these monsters and now, WHAT? You starve us?! This is BULLSHIT. YOU ARE GOING TO GET ME SOME BLOOD OR I AM GOING TO RIP YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!”

Bella blinked and he was coming at her, charging like a bull.

“Right foot forward, chest low, elbows back.” Jasper’s instructions floated back to her from a time long gone.

“Make sure you stay in motion, zip around me and break my focus. Hit me and run to confuse me.”

She waited until he was almost within reaching distance before bending her knees and springing straight up into the air. She landed behind him and struck him from behind while he was distracted.

“Stay in motion, don’t wait for me to hit again.”

The much larger man turned and swung his heavy arms around her, trying to crush her against his body. Bella ducked under his arm and skidded between his open legs to spring up behind him. She reared up and roundhouse kicked him from behind, grateful for the slits in her skirts that freed her legs. He stumbled forwards.

“Your advantage is your ability to keep a clear head.”

George spun again, this time to hit rather than grab. Bella dodged, but his fist connected with the underside of her jaw with such force she felt cracks splintering down her neck. She was propelled into the air and landed against the trunk of a tree, which snapped and crashed to the ground where Bella once was.

“Newborns will always be stronger than you, but they are easily enraged.”

She was already up and leaping over him. She grabbed the top of his head on her way over and pulled him to the ground with her own momentum. He jumped up immediately, but she had zipped behind him again.

“Your advantage is your ability to keep a clear head. If you dodge them for long enough, they will get frustrated and distracted.”

It was almost like dancing. He would turn to attack her and she would jump out of his view over and over. They span in tandem as he tried to hit her and she dodged. Until he blinked, and she was gone.

“That’s when you find higher ground and jump on them from above.”

Bella sprang out of a nearby tree and landed on George’s shoulders, her skirt covering his eyes. She avoided his grabbing hands and sunk her teeth into his throat. She had never done this before, but followed instinct to clamp down, cock her neck and rip his head from his shoulders.
The head fell to the ground with a sickening thud that echoed in the resulting silence. Bella jumped off George’s stumbling body and watched as it crumbled to the ground.

Bella wasn’t sure of what to do next. He wasn’t dead. He had been disarmed, but would find his head and rejoin it with his body eventually. She didn’t have that dark streak that determined what to do in these situations. She wasn’t angry at all because really she agreed with him. He lived a nightmare, and she would want to drown her sorrows in blood too if she were him.

Her decision was made for her as George’s headless body turned and lunged towards her. Bella jumped and grabbed both his arms, using her momentum and all her strength to yank them off his torso. She kicked his legs out from under him and pulled one off at the knee, leaving his mangled body writhing on the ground, trying to pull itself back together.

She heard a whistle close behind her and turned to see Jasper with his arms crossed over his chest and an eyebrow raised.

She glared. “Thanks for the help. You’re a real pal.”

“I thought about stepping in, but it was fun to watch.” He stood beside her and gazed down at the body parts on the ground. “You’ve been trained, haven’t you? By someone who knows what he’s doin’.”

“You think I would walk into a warzone completely unprepared?” Bella scoffed.

“Yes. I could absolutely see you doing that.” He kicked George’s torso closer to where his head and arms laid and grabbed his head by the hair to toss it in the pile.

Jasper reached into one of his linen pockets and pulled out a tiny packet of matches. The kind you would get at a bar or hotel. He struck one and Bella couldn’t take her eyes off the flame dancing so close to his ignitable skin.

She didn’t even stop to think why he would bring fire into the equation until suddenly the match had been flicked and George’s body went up in flames with a whoosh.

Everyone stumbled back from the licking flames. Bella was horrified.

“Why would you do that?” She whispered.

Jasper frowned at her. “Bella, he was trying to kill you. What was I supposed to do? Promote him?”

“No.. but… he didn’t have to die.” Bella was looking anywhere except George’s pyre, but his burning body was all she could see. “He was still useful, surely.”

“Not really. His third year was coming up.” Jasper replied. “And we can’t let anyone think they can get away with attacking lieutenants.”

“So you killed him…” She whispered.

“Well… I helped.”

Numb horror consumed her and she could swear he winced.

“Cmon,” he murmured, “I need your help with the battle plans.” He turned to the newborns. “About your business! If I hear any trouble you’ll be fighting without limbs!”

There was a murmur of affirmatives and he stalked back to the head tent, Bella close behind him. 

Chapter Text

February 21st, 1886.

In the February of 1886, we fought with the Martin Coven to the west. I remember being so pissed off, Anton just threw it out there and I had to coordinate an attack with literally no preparation. But it was an easy fight. I took Peter and the newborns and we destroyed the coven with very few losses on our side. Don’t worry. You’ll be Maria’s ace up her sleeve, so she’s not going to put you in danger or tip her hand should someone notice you and your powers. I am confident that you won’t have to fight.

“What do you mean I have to fight?!”

Jasper frowned at her. “I’m sorry. When you voluntarily joined an army, were you expecting a peaceful experience?”

“No. But mercilessly ripping newborns apart isn’t really my thing.”

“You didn’t seem to have a problem with it just now.”

Ouch.

“That was a one off! Look…” Bella had to bluff and she had to bluff quick. “I’m here to fight Johan. That’s all I care about. The man disrespected me. If I go fight some other coven and someone realises that I have a shield, then Johan could find out and our entire strategy will go out the window!”

“Are you not listening?” Jasper raised his voice, exasperated. “The only reason why anyone would know you have a shield, or know that you’re even there, is if something goes very wrong and you need to step in.

“I haven’t been able to do much reconnaissance. Peter could only tell so much from what he saw. All we know is that they got beaten up north. They could have a gifted vampire on their side and we just don’t know about it! If you go and don’t have to use your shield, then no harm done! If you don’t go and it turns out we needed you, then half the army is dead!”

“But what if I die?” she asked. “Then you’ll never kill Johan.” This was a bluff of course. Bella was totally aware of the fact that in the original timeline, Jasper did kill Johan in the July of 1886. With his own hands, in fact.

“You won’t die unless the rest of us die.” Jasper rolled his eyes and gestured to his tactical drawings. “Look, I’ll put you at the back, right next to Maria. If the rest of us are all slaughtered, I give you full permission to run like hell.”

“Newborns are faster than me, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

“They may be fast, but they’re also dumb.” Jasper said. “Quit worrying. This should be easy. I’m just being cautious.”

Bella did worry. She worried about fighting and killing other people. She worried about giving over to a darker side of herself. She worried about changing the future. She worried that she might give Maria too much power and cause the deaths of thousands of people. She worried that she might mess up and get Jasper killed somehow. Then poof, he’s gone forever.

But when she stood with him side by side, she could almost pretend that she was someplace happier. That they were just a few miles from the house and this was all a game of pretend. Even though they were in hell, and they were far from leaving it; when he spoke to her like an equal, she felt hope.

“Fine.” She said in an effort to get him to stop looking at her funny. “I’ll stay at the back.”

He nodded. “Be ready in an hour.”

She was dismissed.

The Martin coven bordered Maria’s to the west, with about a mile of no man’s land between them. The area was quiet, with only dusty roads and the occasional settlement to show that the land was actually worth taking.

It wasn’t about the use of the land though, as Peter told her when they set off.

“It’s about status. There’s no logic in power.”

Bella rolled her eyes. “It just seems so ridiculous for people to die for a useless strip of land.”

“Well that’s war for ya. Maria wants that land, so we get it for her.”

They settled back into silence, walking behind Jasper, Maria and the crew of 12 newborns. Jasper had referred to their position as ‘holding up the rear’, but she just enjoyed eyes being off her. She clutched at her satchel strap, unsure of her decision to bring it with her. She was concerned that leaving it in the camp could mean wandering eyes and hands could find it, but wearing it in a fight just felt so risky.

“Hey,” Peter whispered. “Them newborns are gonna be rabid. I’ll try my best to keep you safe out there, but they’ll be stronger than you and you’ll be distracted with shieldin’ everyone.”

“Thanks Pete,” She replied. “I appreciate the pep talk.”

“I’m just saying. If one gets past me and goes for ya, do you have a plan?”

“Run like hell?”

“They’re faster than you.”

“Jasper said they’re dumb too so it’s fine.”

He snorted. “‘Course he did. Look, y’know why we tend to do well in the wars?”

“Because you actually train your soldiers?”

“There’s that.” He nodded. “But mainly it’s because the Major isn’t afraid of a tactical retreat. No point in the whole army dyin’, y’know?”

“Sure.”

“My point is that it’s very unlikely that everyone’s gonna die out there. You’re with Maria, so you’ll be pretty damn safe. There’s no way the Major will let anything happen to her, and she’s no wallflower herself. You’ll be okay.”

“I’m not that worried about dying.” She said. “It’s more other people dying that bothers me.”

“This your first fight?” He asked.

“Kinda.”

His silence said more than enough. There was nothing that could make this better.

“Right,” He held up a clunky silver lighter and tucked it into her right pocket. “If the bastards get past me and you’re cornered, set the fuckers on fire. Okay?”

She smiled and bumped his shoulder, “Okay.”

Their company came to a halt just out of earshot of the rival camp, downwind. Bella had the uncomfortable realisation that she could smell the fact that she was in someone else’s territory. It seemed so animalistic. 

The group seemed to naturally huddle and Bella let Peter pull her in. She found herself next to this weedy looking newborn who seemed to be continuously growling and violently twitched every few minutes. She began to nickname him Steve, but then kicked herself for potentially getting attached.

Jasper barked, ever the military man. “We will storm the camp from here. You and you,” He pointed to two terrified looking newborns that had done particularly poorly in training. “Will run around and attack from the other side. Go now and be ready in ten minutes. Your attack will be our signal to charge.”

The newborns didn’t look particularly sure about this plan, it was fairly obvious that they were the distraction. But one well placed growl from the Major sent them on their way.

“Right,” Maria beamed, the charm factor turned way up to 11. “So Belle and I shall wait just over there in case you need any backup.”
Bella frowned, the place Maria was pointing to would have barely any view of the camp.

“I need to be high up.” She interrupted. “So I can shield everyone.”

Maria pouted. “You can’t just put the shield on us now?”

“That’s not how it works.” Jasper murmured. “She has to have a line of sight on the people she shields.”

“Well… not quite.” Bella corrected him. “I have to concentrate on stretching it out. One or two people I’m great at, it doesn’t take too much concentration and I don’t have to be able to see them - but fifteen of you? I need to be able to see everyone and if I get hit and my concentration breaks, the shield will go down. I need to be up and out of the way if you want this to work.”

Maria sighed. “Fine. Belle and I will stay in the trees for a bird’s eye view. Now; the rest of your plan, Major?”

Jasper nodded and dove into explaining what felt like a very complicated plan that could be summarised into; run in and murder them, don’t get caught on your own. She was happy to see that overthinking things was a trait he was clearly born with. 

She assumed that Jasper’s strategy for the fight was working, but with her brain so occupied it was honestly hard to tell.

Bella had never had to stretch her shield like this before, covering fifteen individual people all moving at different speeds in different directions, while also avoiding the people they were attacking. She was grateful for her position high up in the tree. Every time someone slipped from her vision, she had to scramble to work out where they probably were in order to keep them covered.

It took so much concentration that it was almost like she couldn’t see anymore. All she could focus on were the eighteen beings her shield had to stretch over. It was times like these when Bella felt almost human. As a vampire, she got so used to finding things easy that once were impossible, of never getting tired by anything. It was equally as invigorating as it was exhausting to do something genuinely difficult that physically wore her out.

But as pleasant as vulnerability felt, it wasn’t necessarily the right time. She didn’t notice the straggler from the Martin coven leaping for her throat until he was directly in her line of sight. His eyes were crazed, huge chunks of his flesh had been ripped out and were leaking venom. Bella froze, she was not in a defensive position, she needed to keep her shield up; she had no idea what to do.

“Bella!”

A blonde blur leapt from the right and tackled the straggler in midair. Bella’s shield flickered with surprise, but reformed itself as she listened to the man being dismantled below her.

“You okay?” Peter’s voice called from the ground.

“Yeah,” Bella breathed, back to her full concentration. “Thank you!”

Peter ran back into the fray, giving Bella a quick salute as he returned into her field of vision.  

The fight took about an hour overall, Maria’s army lost those two soldiers, but the others were completely annihilated. The warlord grinned with sickening glee as she ripped apart the rival leader and threw his remains into the fire. Bella would try to expunge that memory from her mind for decades to come.

Their soldiers scrounged as many resources as they could from the camp and set the whole thing ablaze. Peter and a few others were sent to scent and secure the territory while the rest of them trudged back home.

Anton met them halfway, sniffling and simpering and bouncing like a puppy. He latched onto Maria’s side and they excitedly discussed how many new soldiers they would turn and what village would be destroyed next.

Bella took the opportunity to tune out all the noise around her. She was a horrible combination of disgusted at what she had seen, sad for the waste of lives, relieved that no one she cared about was hurt, and tired from overusing her shield. She wasn’t ready for it when tense hands grabbed her around the upper arms, leapt up holding her, and then threw her miles into the distance.

She should have recovered from the surprise more quickly, but her mind was still sluggish and it really had come out of nowhere. Too low in her trajectory to aim her landing, she reached out and clung to branches of trees to slow herself down; eventually flying low enough to land against a particularly tall trunk and stumbling back down to the ground.

Her satchel had ended up behind her back and she scrambled to pull it to the front to check if the tape recorder was broken, it looked fine at a glance. There was another crackle of broken branches and she glanced up as Jasper landed in front of her. His honey blonde hair was a mess and his shirt ripped up from the fight. His sleeves and chin still held the residue of being soaked in venom - although gladly none of his own.

“Hey,” she said. “Did you see who threw me?”

He didn’t answer, just ran directly at her in a move clearly intended to tackle her to the ground. She tossed her satchel into some dense bushes and leapt away at the last second. She just barely escaped his clutching grip on her skirt, which tore at the hem with a rip.

“The hell?” She gasped. “Why are you attacking me?”

He took a swipe at her head which she ducked to avoid. However, she was disoriented and low enough to the ground that the harsh kick he followed it with sent her flying back into the trees. He sprinted there as her back hit bark, grabbed her by the throat and slammed her to the floor.

She rolled away the second his hand left her neck and jumped, grabbing his shoulders and she sailed over his head and threw him down as he had done her. He jumped back up and snarled, a sound she hadn’t heard since he ripped Fred’s finger off and had hoped to never hear again.

They traded blows, aiming for head and chests. Trying to swipe each other's legs out from under them and jumping to avoid. They ducked and weaved in an intimate and dangerous dance, until finally he got the upper hand. He grabbed one of her shoulders and spun her around, then tackled her from behind.

He pinned her to the ground, his legs tucked in and clamped her’s down. He twisted one arm behind her back and pinned the other to the ground beside her face. He pressed his whole body against her, leaving her completely incapable of movement even if she tried.

She couldn’t help the bubble of amusement that triggered in her chest. This was just so ridiculous. That Jasper was right; that she had come down here and risked her life to save him, only for him to be the one to kill her. She laughed into the dirt.

“Are you going to kill me, Jaz?”

His breath tickled her neck as he spoke. “I really don’t know where you learned my first name, or why you feel so able to freely use it.”

Oh she was such an idiot. Bella belatedly realised that she had never heard anyone say his name here, and that she had stupidly called him it previously. She remembered his face when she had, she had wondered why he’d reacted so strangely and here was her answer. Forcing herself to be calm, she struggled to shrug, immobilised as she was.

“I must have just heard it around somewhere. Probably from Maria.”

Jasper was silent. For a moment Bella thought he might actually let her go, but his grip on her never wavered.

“Who taught you how to fight?”

“What?”

The hand braced beside her grabbed her hair and yanked her head to the side, his elbow still pushing down on her arm. His lips brushed her ear.

“Who. Taught. You. How. To. Fight?”

Bella shivered at the contact, mixed in with a little fear. “A friend…”

“Well he’s awfully good.”

“The best.”

Somehow, Jasper sunk even lower into her. Every inch of his body pressed against hers. “How long were you spying on us?”

Bella jerked, surprised. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I’ve taught enough people to fight to know what one of my students looks like.” He growled, the vibrations ran through her neck. “The last time I trained one with the same style as you was months ago. You watched, didn’t you?”

“No.” She replied. “I was taught by a member of my coven. You didn’t invent jumping, y’know.”

He sounded oddly breathless for a minute. The hand in her hair loosened its grip, but she could still feel his nails on her scalp. “Why are you here?”

“I want revenge on Johan.”

“No you don’t. I can feel what you feel. You have no anger about Johan, you don’t give a shit about him.”

Bella really didn’t know anything to say that wasn’t an outright lie.

“Why are you really here?” Jasper reiterated.

“Like I told Peter. I’m looking for someone.”

“I don’t see how you’re finding anyone by joining this army.”

“I don’t have to tell you my methods.”

Using some impressive dexterity that Bella couldn’t see, Jasper flipped her over. He pinned both her arms up beside her head and kept his legs pressed down on hers so she couldn’t move. His face hovered above hers, his eyes pitch black.

“You need to stay away from Peter.” He whispered.

Bella frowned. “Why?”

He growled. “I don’t understand you! You’re deceptive constantly, I don’t think you’ve ever told me the truth! I’ve warned Peter and yet he still insists on developing this… attachment to you. I don’t think it’s romantic on his part, but if you plan to seduce him let me make it very clear. Relationships are not permitted here. Maria does not allow it. I won’t let you put Peter in danger for whatever your goddamn plan is!”

Maybe it was because she was mentally exhausted, maybe because she was feeling strangely giddy from having her life threatened by someone she cared so much about, or maybe it was because the suggestion was so ridiculous. Whichever way; she laughed in his face.

“You think I’m trying to seduce Peter?!” She snorted.

Jasper looked taken aback. “Is that so insane?”

“Yes!” she giggled. “I’m married! Peter is just a friend! A brotherly type friend!”

“I…” His eyebrows scrunched together. “You’re married? What the fuck are you doing down here on your own?”

“He doesn’t have to come with me for everything I do.”

Jasper paused and finally jumped off her. She followed, rubbing her wrists until the cracks faded away.

“You mean to tell me, that your husband doesn’t care at all that you are down here risking your life?”

“He cares.” She shrugged. “He trusts me.”

He looked at her like she’d grown another head, absolutely horrified. His mouth parted like he wanted to speak but nothing came out. Finally he sighed, glaring at her.

“Just… be careful with Peter. He’s better than both of us and doesn’t deserve what Maria would do to him.”

“Finally. Something we agree on.”

He stared at her for a moment more, then abruptly turned and ran back in the direction of the camp.

Bella sighed and collected her thoughts for a moment. Even though Jasper had violently attacked her, she almost couldn’t help thinking this was a good thing. He hadn’t killed her, he understood what she was saying and let her go. This wasn’t the Jasper she had been warned about anymore, the one who would have mutilated first and questioned later. This Jasper might just care.

She bent to pick up her satchel from where it had fallen on the ground. While she was away from the camp, she might as well hunt and send Carlisle a note. He knew that the fight would have been today, so she needed to let him know she was alright to stop him freaking out.

She scribbled out a quick letter and made for the post office, taking down a rabbit on the way - the only thing she could find.

She let out a sigh of relief when her tree finally loomed in the distance. She could only hope that no one would question her further absence after Jasper had come back. She realised late that being away for a further half hour was kind of suspicious.

Bella hoped that she had got lucky, that no one had noticed. But luck was not in her favour.

When she hopped up into her tree, she found it inhabited by possibly the last person she wanted there.

Anton. And he was grinning like it was Christmas morning. 

Chapter Text

“Why our Belle.” Anton smirked. “Where have you been?”

“Hunting!” Bella replied a little too fast. “It’s hard to find prey around here.”

“Really?” He dropped down in front of her. “And the Major came too?”

She shrugged. “He just wanted to discuss some things with me.”

“Like what?”

“Like where I go to hunt.”

She was bluffing like she had never bluffed before, but Anton’s smirk never faltered.

“It’s a bit strange, Belle. You understand.” He grinned, there was blood between his teeth. “You wander off on your own a lot, often with Peter, and now you’re bringing the Major with you? Maria just feels a little… neglected. Perhaps you should run your excursions by her in future, so she doesn’t worry about the things you get up to.”

The threats behind his smile were clear. Maria was officially suspicious, and Bella had better watch her step.

The longest Bella had ever gone without any blood was two weeks. The whole family were busy with something or other. There had been an outbreak of measles so Carlisle was putting in extra hours at the hospital, Esme and Alice had gone up to a new house they’d just bought to decide what changes to make with it. Emmett and Edward were on an extended hunting trip and only reachable by phone. Rosalie had just bought a job lot of antique cars that she was slowly fixing up in the driveway. In this flurry of activity Bella was left unattended; at two years turned she was too old to be their priority and too young to trust herself to hunt on her own, especially after the incident a few months before.

Chastened by dim memories of being the weak link, the soft little human who always needed looking after; she refused to ask for help. Not from her husband, not from her siblings, from her parents - nobody.

She avoided Jasper altogether. Peter and Charlotte had come to visit so he was spending all his free time out with them, he was the busiest out of all of them and the only one who would have been able to sense her dilemma. She almost prided herself on how no one knew, until the mailman skinned his knee on their driveway and she bit a hole in the carpet to keep herself from lunging through the window - then it occurred to her how stupid she was being.

Luckily Rosalie saw her, held her down until the threat had passed and then dragged her into the forest to drain ‘at least three deer’. Patted on the head and informed that she was an idiot, Bella was always a lot more careful with her blood intake from then on. Still, Rose kept her promise to never tell anyone.

Four weeks after their attack on the Martin coven, that record had been blown out of the water.

Every time Bella asked Maria if she could go hunting her request was denied. Every time she would be given some task to do instead; supervising the newborns, training them not to break things, fixing the things they did break. She would ask if she could go afterwards and be told no, it’s ‘not safe’, they ‘can’t put her at risk’.

“Surely you can put aside your preferences and just drink a human for my sake?”

Previously she had supplemented proper hunting trips with birds and rabbits and various small, nasty tasting things; but with the increase of newborns living in their ranks, not even birds flew above and all creatures of the ground kept miles away. There was nothing she could do to keep the burning thirst away.

Over the four weeks she turned into a shell of herself. Too plagued by the bloodlust and the burning, she couldn’t do anything, couldn’t muster the focus to do anything. Once she’d failed at enough tasks and snapped at enough people, they all stopped asking her to do things. She just sat in her tree, burning.

She could hear their whispers, she knew it made no sense to them that she wouldn’t just drink a human. Their prey was brought into the camp a few times as she starved, more often than usual in fact. Maria was trying to tempt her, she was watching her. She felt so many eyes on her, his included.

Jasper must have thought she didn’t notice him staring at her. His eyes were the one comfort she had. Three and a half weeks in, he brushed against her as she sat blankly on a low hanging branch.

“Just drink a human,” he said. “You’ll have to eventually. Why torture yourself now?”

But she couldn’t.

She had no idea if it was her strength of character or her stubborn impulse to prove him wrong that made her spring up the tallest tree and sink her teeth into the wood every time humans were brought into the camp, but she cursed it nonetheless.

March 24th, 1886.

Four and a half weeks into her starvation, 31 days with no blood, she felt like she had become death.

She was just so angry. Angry at her situation, angry at the burning, angry that she was a wretched vampire in the first place, angry at Maria for messing with her, angry with herself for stubbornly sticking to her guns, angry with the universe; too angry to sit still.

The tree she always sat in was at the back of the camp, to the left of Maria’s tent. It was far enough back that she didn’t have newborns always in her direct eyeline to make her feel so wretchedly guilty. From her tree she heard Jasper and Peter get their orders to go out and round up humans. With more vampires to feed, Jasper split the hunting party into two groups going in opposite directions to avoid detection. A fine tactical move, Bella thought, fitting for the youngest Major of the Texas Cavalry.

While they were gone she decided it was finally time for a walk. She would have to cope with the scent of blood hovering through the camp for the next day so this was her only opportunity to look at something that wasn’t the other tree in front of her. She hung her satchel safely higher up, got up and wondered down to the training ground at the front of the camp, ignoring the hungry gazes of the newborns surrounding her.

It felt good to move again. With her reduced thinking power she felt like she was floating, like her limbs were being controlled by someone else. Her arms swung as she strolled, free and unhindered.

She was still near the front of the camp when a carriage filled with wailing humans rattled in the distance. A few seconds later and she could hear the thump thump thudding of their poor hearts and she wanted it too much to bear. She shot up the nearest tree, not her usual one and shoved some leaves in her mouth to distract her senses and give herself something to bite down on.

The humans weren’t there yet, but every newborn in the camp ran to the front where the carriage would soon break through the trees. They were quivering with hardly suppressed hunger, vying to be the first one in the queue to eat. Quickly they started growling at each other, then shoving each other. Before too long the tree she was hiding in gave shuddering crack and crashed to the ground, taking several others with it. She sprang from the wreckage, irrationally angry at the newborn who had been thrown against her resting place.

“The fuck do you think you’re doing?” She advanced upon him, intending to make him flinch or cower with her rage and higher rank.

Instead he bared his teeth and growled. He charged towards her with the force of a monster.

“Right foot forward, chest low, elbows ba-”

His arms wrapped around her waist and threw her down to the ground. Her addled mind wasn’t ready to dodge. The impact jolted her and the rush of rage gave her the strength to pull her legs up and kick him off her. She jumped up herself, but he had recovered quickly.

He sprinted with his arm raised to hit her, but she ducked down to avoid him.

“Make sure you stay in motion, zip aroun-”

But he preempted her. He swung his arm down and grabbed her hair, using it to pull her up and throw her into a tree that came crashing to the ground.

“Your advantage is your ability to keep a clear head.”

That’s the thing. Her head wasn’t clear. The red haze of anger impaired her vision and slowed her movements. She was making mistakes, big ones. Where she should have dodged she attacked, going for foolish moves of brute strength that she didn’t possess. The only injuries she got in were sharp bites at his arms when he wrapped them around her. He thankfully let go to howl in agony when she ripped a chunk from his bicep.

“Newborns will always be stronger than you, but they are easily enra-”

She regretted her more aggressive stance when she went to dodge his answering attack and thoughtlessly raised an arm to protect her head, leaving her left elbow sticking out to the side. Unlike Jasper, who had used it to flip her to the ground all those months ago, the newborn grabbed it and kicked her body down, ripping her arm from her shoulder. 
The pain rivalled the burn of the change, she could somehow still feel her arm as it hurtled through the air and crashed into the ground a mile away. All she could see was white hot agony and all she could feel was panic. How was she supposed to beat him now? She had been struggling to fight fully able bodied, how could she rip him apart with one arm even if he wasn’t fighting back?

She had to think of something out of the box, quick. He was distracted by pride, gloating at his imminent win against an all powerful lieutenant. As if Peter wouldn’t rip him apart for it when he got back.

Her clouded gaze was drawn, as he flexed his mutilated muscles, to the venom dripping down his ragged shirt. Venom was flammable, very flammable. It was what made vampires burn up so easily without having to set a bonfire first. Perhaps if there was enough venom soaked into his clothes, it could disable him just enough for her to get his head off. Yes, there was venom dribbling down her shirt too, but if he were on the ground then it would only touch her many skirts and she would be somewhat safe.

Her hand closed around the lighter Peter had slipped into her deep right pocket a month before.

It wasn’t a perfect plan, but it was all she had.

She took off running at him as fast as she could, while simultaneously dodging to her left. She flipped the lighter open one handed and caught it on his sleeve where the venom gushed. He screamed as his arm immediately went up in flames. She landed with a roll behind him and immediately switched direction, setting his shirt ablaze in the back where her claw marks drenched the fabric. He fell to his knees, scrambling behind him to pat the fire out, only to find his hands on fire too.

“That’s when you find higher ground and jump on them from above.”

She took her brief opportunity and leapt into the air, coming down with one foot on his chest and the other on the ground beside him. She carefully avoided the flames licking at her skirt and leant down to the man she had pinned to the ground to wrench his head from his shoulders.

It took a lot of force and she had to dig her nails into his cheek for purchase with her one arm. His neck screeched as it tore and his screams grew silent when his lungs disconnected from his throat. Bella threw his head to the side and contemplated her next move.

The man’s body was still burning on the ground. She could put it out. He would be significantly injured, most likely unable to fight and would probably be put down by one of the other lieutenants when they came back. But at least she wouldn’t have killed him.

But then she looked down to his sneering face, goading her even when death was imminent. She was filled up with petty anger, that someone who was doomed to die anyway would try to kill her. She who had a whole life ahead of her. There were people waiting for her outside of here. She was quite possibly the only person in this camp - in this war - trying to do the right thing, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care to know. He would kill her anyway. 

In the future, when she looked back on that moment she would be filled with emotions even Jasper couldn’t explain. Even though her logic was flawed, even though it went against every moral she was supposed to have; she had never found it within herself to feel guilty.

Bella flicked the lighter open and burned the man’s head, destroying him once and for all.

Her arm didn’t take too much finding. She was magnetically drawn to it, like it desperately wanted to be returned to her.

Unfortunately, that was the only easy part. No matter what she did it would not reattach.

She had seen the others hold a dismembered limb up to the place it was supposed to go and have the flesh knit back together within minutes. Sure it sounded horrendously painful, but it was at least quick. She had been sitting on the ground beside where her arm had fallen for hours and there was no change. No matter how long she held her arm there, no matter how hard she pushed. She had tried licking it, she had tried drying it off, she had tried everything.

She was somewhat surprised that Jasper had never included instructions on reattaching limbs in his compendium of information, but dimly recognised that the thought of her losing limbs in this mission probably made him want to hurl.

Deep down, she knew why it wasn’t working, but it was too depressing a thought to deal with. She was too starved, her venom was too weak to do what it was supposed to. 
But there was nothing she could do about that.

She closed her eyes and took in the sounds and smells surrounding her. Nothing. All there was was the wind through the trees and the vague sweet smell of dozens of vampires a mile away. Large amounts of bloodsuckers really did scare off wildlife. Jacob would have gotten a kick out of that, once upon a time.

Sitting there, she took a moment of pity and just yearned. She yearned for Edward, her sweet husband and life partner who would do anything for her. He would rip himself apart to stop this happening and he would fix everything. She kicked herself for leaving him, she kicked herself for ever having started this. Had she just gone to 1942 she would be safe with her family by now. 
The distinctive sound of footsteps came thundering towards her and for a second she let herself hope that it was Jasper and that he’d magically turned into the man she knew. He would know exactly what to do. He would understand how she felt, or didn’t feel, about killing that man. He would fix it. She just needed someone who cared to come along to fix it.

It wasn’t Jasper.

“Oh my Belle, are you alright?” Maria drawled, hovering over her with a half convincing look of distress on her face. “I heard the commotion and got worried when you didn’t come back.”

She fussed over Bella’s arm and gasped when she looked into her no doubt black and sunken eyes.

“Anton!” she called. “Go intercept the next load of humans and bring one here before the newborns get them all! Our poor Belle is starved half to death!”

“No no…” Bella croaked, her energy depleted. “Please don’t, I’ll be fine. I just need a deer or something.”

“Now don’t be silly, Belle.” Maria’s expression twisted into something stern. “I know you like your little animal diet, but it’s too dangerous for you to go out with Johan underground and I can’t stand to see you torturing yourself!”

Bella made to answer, but was interrupted by the most wonderful thing she had ever smelled in her life. Venom flooded her mouth and embarrassingly dripped out the corner of her lips, her eyes rolled back into her head and her back arched towards her prey.

Maria beamed in victory. “There now, my Belle. Anton has got it all sorted for you. Don’t worry, I know you’re weak. Here, I’ll hold it up for you.”

Bella had just enough of herself in control to look at the human man; in his mid to late thirties, average height, decent but working class clothes, wedding ring. She had just enough of herself to notice the fear in his eyes as he was passed from Anton to Maria and presented to her like a tray of hors d'oeuvres. She wanted to hold herself back, but before she could even think Maria dug a fingernail into the man’s neck and she had no choice in the matter.

If she insists you drink from a human, just do it... if there’s a human in the camp they are already doomed.

She sank her teeth into the poor man and savoured her first ever taste of human blood. The drops that hit her tongue were pure ecstasy, the most incredible thing she had ever tasted or would ever taste again. The world was suddenly perfect, normal. It didn’t matter where she was or who she was. The end of this man’s life didn’t matter, not to her anymore. She had his blood and that was all that counted. Power flowed through her veins, power she hadn’t felt since she was first newborn. She felt her arm knit back into its socket and used it to pull her prey tighter to her.
The high only ended when the blood stopped flowing into her mouth and the magical taste faded away. Maria’s delighted giggle pulled her out of her stupor and she opened her eyes to find her mouth was on the neck of a cooling corpse. She gasped and shoved it off her.

“I knew it would be wonderful to see, Belle!” Maria laughed. “Oh you looked like you enjoyed that so much! It looked positively orgasmic! I understand why you do it now, sweetheart. Not that I could ever do it myself!” She took Anton’s arm and turned to leave, but hesitated quickly. “I’ll see you back at the camp once you have cleaned yourself up! You have some blood on your chin.”

Bella watched them go, numb to the world. She absently raised a hand and lightly touched her chin. It came away sticky with blood.

To her horror, something monstrous came over her and she couldn’t stop herself scraping every drop off her chin into her cupped hands and slathering it into her mouth. She cursed herself as she licked her hands clean.

With nothing left on her but stains on her skin and clothes, she finally looked at the man she had just murdered. That look of pain and terror was still etched on his cold pale face. His neck was half torn apart, but not a drop of blood fell from it. No, he had no blood left.

Such an undignified way to die.

Bella didn’t know what to feel. She couldn’t feel. A ringing filled her ears and her hands shook. A wretched sob ripped from her lips and then she couldn’t stop her cries. Dry heaving gasps shook her chest and made her clutch her legs to her torso in pain. She stared into the man’s eyes, unable to look away even as wheels drove up to the camp and the screams of the rest of the slaughtered humans travelled to her.

Was his wife with them? She wondered. Were his children?

She had no idea how much time passed until she ran out of energy to cry and let the numbness take control. She sat there, never moving, never blinking, never taking her eyes off the man’s empty stare. She dimly noted the sound of another batch of humans arriving, of their screams. But she couldn’t ponder on it, she couldn’t think, she couldn’t feel.

She sat there for countless hours, as the man stiffened and rigor mortis kicked in. Couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t blink, couldn’t unsee.

She didn’t notice the footsteps coming towards her until a hand gently rested on her shoulder. She turned to Peter’s concerned face.

He squatted down to her level and slowly, without breaking their eye contact, licked his thumb and wiped at the bloodstains on her chin.

“You okay Darlin’?” he whispered.

Bella realised she didn’t know how to answer, her mouth moved but couldn’t form words. She settled for shaking her head. No, she was not okay.

Peter frowned and another man squatted next to him. Her eyes flit over his face and Jasper worriedly looked right back at her. He pressed his hand to the exposed skin on the side of her neck and suddenly she was filled with an all encompassing feeling of warmth and love. Her chest felt tight and her belly tingled, her hands shook and a gasp flew from her mouth at the shock of it. 
Jasper shifted closer to her and cupped his whole hand around the back of her neck, his thumb stroked her jaw. Her eyes fluttered closed as the feeling intensified and drowned out all the cold and the grief still simmering under the surface.

He pulled her head into the crook of his neck to maintain the contact, then ran the hand on her neck down around her back and looped the other one under her knees so he could lift her up. He held her close to his chest where her forehead could press against him and her arms rest lightly over his shoulders.

“Take care of the body,” Jasper mumbled. “I’ve got her.”

She breathed in his scent as he carried her away from her crime. 

Chapter Text

She wished she could stay numb forever, let her brain shut down so she didn’t have to deal with reality. But Jasper sat sprawled in the mud in front of her, pumping this warmth into her and drawing out the emptiness. A dim memory surfaced of her dramatic human years, imagine how helpful he could have been when Edward left her. 

“Bella?”

Reality hit her like a freight train. She couldn’t escape forever.

“Oh fuck, what have I done?” Her head fell into her hands, nails digging into her scalp.

“You killed someone.”

Nothing more had to be said. 

He stayed for hours. Peter ran between them and the camp, covering for their absences until it didn’t work anymore and Jasper was called away. Thankfully she wasn’t needed. She could sit in the mud, where she belonged, and berate herself until the sun rose through the trees and brought her with it. 

It would never be okay. She knew she was changed forever, that first drop of blood had set a fire within her that could never be extinguished. She knew what she was missing now. 

March 25th, 1886.

When she found a quiet moment, Bella took to assessing the condition of her clothes after the fight of the previous day. Her soft cotton blouse had ripped cleanly at the shoulder seam where her arm had been torn from her body. Its bright white hue had dimmed to brown long ago from the mud and grime she kept finding herself thrown into. Now bloodstains were thrown into the mix. It would never be clean again, but the sleeve was at least fixable. Bella thanked her lucky stars that the delicate brass buttons at the cuff had kept the thing on her arm even as it was thrown away.

Her blouse was fixable, but the scorched fabric at the bottom of her woolen skirts was not. The medium grey was burned an angry black where flames had licked at the hem. Holes littered the area where particularly burned areas had disintegrated into soot at the slightest pressure.

She sighed as she precariously leaned forward to undo the rows of tiny buttons and pulled the shirt off over her head to assess the damage more closely.

“Irina is going to kill me…”

“Who’s Irina?”

Peter ambled up to her tree, leaning on it with one arm and a smirk in his eyes. Jasper followed, hands shoved deep into his pockets and eyes curiously cast upon her.

“Irina is…” Bella hesitated, unsure of how to put it. “A member of a coven closely connected to mine. We’ve always thought of her and her sisters as cousins, sort of. She sent me off with a mending kit.” She laughed, digging it out of her satchel. “Because she didn’t want me to have to steal clothes that didn’t fit.”

“You have a large extended coven then?” Peter asked as he leapt up to his usual branch, close beside hers.

To her surprise, Jasper quietly followed, climbing the tree until he came to a sturdy branch in front of her.

She was struck by a strange feeling of self-consciousness; sitting in front of two men in her chemise and corset. It was very strange indeed, she was still more covered up than she had been in her wedding dress in front of dozens of friends and acquaintances. She realised with a start that the time period she was in had finally started to rub off on her, despite the newborns walking around half-naked a few meters away.

She pulled her hair around to the front to cover some of her modesty and began to thread a needle with clean white thread. “Yes, there’s a few of us. My father is staying with our cousins while I’m gone.”

“... And do any of them drink human blood?” Jasper asked, looking as smug as a man who felt he’d worked something out.

Bella gave him a long look. She decided to finally tell him the truth. “Just one,” she replied, thinking of Garrett. “But I have no doubt he’ll be convinced to try animal blood soon.”

“You all abstain for moral reasons, I presume?” he asked, she nodded in reply. “I sure hope whoever you’re looking for is worth it.”

Bella wanted to tell him that he was, that he always would be, but her fear held her back. Fear that after all this, he might reject her and her family.

“Peter, ya dumb sack of shit! Get over here, boy!”

Peter’s eyebrows rose at Anton’s screaming. “Well, I s’pose I’ve been summoned.” He hoisted himself off the tree and set off back to the camp. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t!”

Bella half expected Jasper to follow him, but to her surprise he just rolled his eyes and turned back to her, his gaze assessing.

Bella squirmed. “What? Why are you staring at me?”

“It’s nothin’,” he looked straight down at his lap. “Just odd to see you with red eyes.”

She groaned. “I’m glad I can’t see them, I haven’t looked in a mirror in a very long time! My cousins must have forgotten to send me off with one.”

“I haven’t either,” he grinned. “Other than the occasional glance in a pool of water, I’ve never really seen myself. I’m not even sure I know what I look like.”

She laughed a little and then fell into silence. It was almost sad to think of; how isolating this place was that he didn’t even know his own face.

“... Was this the first human you’ve ever killed?” he asked.

She swallowed the shame that pooled in her throat, then winced as Jasper grimaced when he felt it.

“No,” she croaked out, even quieter than the way they usually spoke. “I’ve killed before.”

She didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t want to think about it. But Jasper looked at her like she had to keep going and a part of her couldn’t refuse anything he asked.

“I’d been turned about a year and a half. We went on a hunting trip in Canada. Looking for bears.” She smiled a little at the ridiculousness of something so lighthearted. “I was chasing one, but then I smelt a hiker that had gone off-trail. I didn’t even have time to think about what I was doing before I’d tackled him. His head hit the ground and he died on impact…”

She looked up at Jasper, whose face was remarkably blank. “I didn’t taste his blood though,” she said. “My brother pulled me off him before I could.”

“You have a brother?”

“Yes…” she sighed. “I have a brother. Emmett.”

Jasper frowned and was silent for a moment. “Why would he stop you drinking?” he asked. “That man died for nothing.”

“Because he knew that once you have drunk human blood it’s harder to resist.”

“But now you have.”

“Yep. Now I have,” her voice cracked, “and now I can’t imagine never having it again. And that’s so God damn scary I don’t know what to do with myself.”

They fell quiet again, neither knowing what to say. Bella hadn’t expected to have opened up so much to him. Somehow, despite their surroundings and the hostility and distrust, she felt just as close to him as she always had.

“... What’s a hiker?” he finally asked.

Bella snorted, taken off guard. “It’s someone who walks in the woods and up mountains for fun.”

“Why would someone do that?” he exclaimed, prompting a giggle out of her. “The woods are dangerous! Are all people in the North stupid? How the hell did they win the war?!”

Her giggles transformed into full-on belly laughs, only quelled when she saw the strange affectionate smile on his face.

“It’s good to see you laughing,” he said. “I was worried for a minute there that I’d never see it again.”

“Mm,” she agreed. “I never thanked you, for pulling me out of that.”

“I’m just glad it worked,” he replied. “I’ve never tried something like that before, giving positive feelings, trying to make someone feel better. There are some things…” he paused “… there are some things I never felt until you came here. You’re so strange, y’know that? Even when you’d only just met me your emotions were so warm, and you project this feeling sometimes when you look at me. I can’t describe it or really place it… but it makes me feel better so it’s what I sent back to you.”

He reached out and laid a hand on her wrist where it held the tattered sleeve. A feeling of warmth flooded through her chest, like happiness and hope and safety all rolled together. It was as if home were an emotion, as if being around people she trusted was a feeling she could describe. If she were to give it a colour it would be gold, she could feel it swimming through her veins and filling her up with light. Her chest felt like it could burst, her head loose on her shoulders.

"Do you know what it is?” he softly asked.

She wanted to tell him. She really did. But how could she explain something like that? How could she possibly justify how she felt when she saw him? The affection that came from years of shared experiences. There was no way that wouldn’t arouse huge amounts of suspicion. So she sucked it up and lied.

“No. No idea.”

His eyebrows scrunched together and he looked like he was about to say something, but Peter made a running leap into the tree; upsetting the branches and sending loose leaves flying in all directions.

“Sorry about that,” he said. “Maria said she wanted you next, Jasper.”

Jasper grunted and dropped from the tree. Bella shook herself, the feeling of intimacy with him shocked away.

“What did she want?” she asked Peter.

“To interrogate me, about how much time I spend away from the camp.” He looked worried and jumped to a branch closer to the camp. “C’mon, I want to keep an eye on things.”

Bella got up and sprang along after him to the top of a much closer tree where they had a view of the camp below. Jasper was walking remarkably slowly past the trees, his gait smooth and hands nonchalantly in his pockets, no haste whatsoever. He had looked almost relaxed, lounging in the tree with Bella, and he seemed to keep some of that energy.

Yet as he got closer to Maria’s tent, his posture changed. His back straightened and went rigid, his hands lifted from his pockets and formed fists at his sides. Maria glanced through the entrance and his speed doubled. He ran to her and clutched at her hands, practically fell at her feet. She smirked and patted his hair, before leading him backwards into the tent and out of sight.

Peter frowned. “That was weird.”

“You’ve never noticed it before?”

“No… I’ve never looked. I’m always on the ground with him. Why? Have you noticed?”

“Sometimes.” She pulled him away and out of view of the others. “Sometimes you two get the oddest looks on your faces when you get close to her. Jasper more than you. It’s strange how much she has him wrapped around her every whim.”

“Yes, come to think of it, it is…” He contemplated for a moment. “Bella, you couldn’t extend your shield over me for a moment, could ya?”

Bella did as he asked. The second he was protected, he changed. He deflated like a balloon, his eyes shot wide open and clarified like fine wine. He breathed in deeply and a snarl spread across his mouth.

“That fuckin’ bitch.”

“Who?” Bella asked, shaken at his sudden turn.

“Maria.” His lip curled. “How I’ve felt about her has always felt sort of distant from me. Detached but affectionate, y’know? But now…”

“How do you feel about her now?”

“I hate her!” he hissed. “I could rip her limb from limb! The horrors of this place! The pain and the killing! It’s all that fuckin’ bitch’s fault!”

“Shhh! Don’t let anyone hear you say that!” Bella grabbed his arm, he was whispering as they always did but that kind of talk in the camp lead to being killed instantly.

He snarled and fell back against the trunk of the tree, sitting with his arms crossed over his chest.

“It’s like… coming out of the fog,” he whispered. “Usually I feel a lot more clear when I’ve been runnin’ outside the camp, but I’d always assumed it was just the fresh air.”

Bella shrugged. “I guess it must be someone’s ability. Probably Maria’s, to make people love her.”

“How come your shield never took it off me before?”

“It won’t have protected you before if this is Maria’s doing. She’s always been under it too.” She looked more closely into Peter’s eyes. That spark of life in them that she had assumed was dimmed by their surroundings was back, just like in her time.

Peter sighed. “I’m sorry for gettin’ aggressive, doll. I’ve been here for seven years, and my thoughts ‘n feelings haven’t been my own this whole time.”

“You’d think you’d be used to that with Jasper around!” Bella tried to joke. He smiled weakly at her efforts.

“There’s gotta be something better than this,” he mumbled. “Or what’s even the point of carrying on?”

“There is,” she whispered. “Oh Peter, the rest of the world is so much better than this. Trust me.”

He looked up at her, his lively eyes coloured to dull rust.

She grabbed his hand and held it between hers. “Come with me! When I leave here, come with me. Join my coven, be my family. Help me break you and Jasper out. Please?”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “I had a feeling that whoever you were looking for was closer than we expected… Am I wrong?”

She shook her head, he absolutely was not wrong.

"Look,” he said. “I need you to promise me something. You can be pretty mysterious at times and that's fine. But if you want me on board then you have to promise not to keep anything from me. I wanna be in the loop. Okay?"

Bella bit her lip. She never wanted to hide things from Peter, and she intended to tell him the truth as soon as she could. What if she told him about the time travel and he freaked out? He didn't have the time or space to process something like that in the camp, and she didn't have enough evidence to prove it to him without Jasper. One bad reaction could be the end of her, she had to wait until they were safe to tell him.

With nothing else to say, she nodded.

“Well then,” he linked his fingers with hers. “If this ‘outside world’ of yours is as good as you say it is - I’ll follow you anywhere, sis’.”

Despite the setting and their impending doom, Bella couldn’t help smiling a beaming grin. It felt so good in this empty hellscape, to finally have family, affection, love. A lantern guiding her out of this place, a glimpse of hope for the future.

“Listen up!” Anton yelled.

Peter pulled Bella down from the tree and led her back into the camp where everyone else was gathering. Maria stepped out to address her newborns, Anton and Jasper flanking her on either side. Despite her short stature, her presence carried as much weight as either lieutenant. The newborns seemed to sigh at her presence, Bella even saw smiles touching the lips of a few of them as they gazed at her. It seemed ridiculous that she and Peter hadn’t figured out that something was up before. 

“It has been brought to our attention that there are some in this camp that feel they can come and go!” Maria announced. “Let me remind you of the rules!”

Her eyes locked on Peter and Bella. “Anyone caught missing from the camp without permission will be killed. No warning. No mercy.”

Damn, well that complicated things.

Chapter Text

April 2nd, 1886.

Human blood took a lot longer to leave your system, and thank God for that. Bella would usually be desperate for sustenance after a week of stretching her shield out over more than one person; but though the fire in her throat still burned, it wasn’t the inferno she had come to expect.

It made sense after all, if all vampires had to hunt once a week like the Cullens did then the humans would figure out that something’s up eventually.

Bella might even have been enjoying this, if the guilt of ending a poor man’s life wasn’t still plaguing her. She had never realised that there was a nagging feeling in the back of her throat, a feeling that she was missing something even when she had just fed. Something that made her restless and uncomfortable, itchy in her own skin. She never noticed before. That is, until she had human blood and the feeling went away.

For the first time in her short second life, she felt complete. And she hated herself for it.

Humans were being brought into the camp on one spring afternoon, a reward for their successful taking of territory to the south the day before. She berated herself as she waited for them, and truly considered feeding when she wasn’t even thirsty. She just wanted that taste again, the feeling of completeness. That was all, just a taste.

She was terrifying herself, but as the sound of rattling carriage wheels filled the camp her determination not to kill got weaker and weaker until eventually there was nothing left to stop her.

Jasper was by her side in an instant, his hand wrapped around her upper arm.

“Come with me,” he murmured, pulling her back into the canopy of the forest.

“Where are we going?” she asked, the taste of blood temporarily shocked from her mind.

He stopped. His eyes lingered on her face, then up to the crowd of hungry newborns forming, then back again; as if he were trying to think of an answer.

“Peter is busy gathering more humans,” he finally said. “So you’re coming on patrol with me.”

He didn’t give her time to object, not that she would have anyway.

“You’re sure Maria won’t mind this?”

“‘Course not. You’re with me.”

The ran in a comfortable silence, slowing to a walk once they made it to the territory border. Jasper spat on the ground to renew the lines.

“Y’know,” Bella said. “Before I came down to the South for all this, I had no idea that vampires did so much spitting and licking.”

To her surprise, a real belly laugh erupted out of him.

“You really were spoiled up there, weren’t you? Never had to draw out your own territory lines?”

“I didn’t realise we had any,” she admitted.

He continued to chuckle, a sound she’d been worried she’d never hear again, that it would fade into her memories of wrestling with Emmett and video game tournaments.

“Congratulations, by the way,” she said. “On your victory yesterday. I wasn’t there, but Peter told me you were a force of nature.”

Jasper grunted, his good mood faded a little. “It helps that I can slow an army down - or rile ours up. I have been practicing doing both at once but it’s evading me.”

And it always would , Bella noted. The fight the day before had scared the crap out of her. It wasn’t in Jasper’s letter, the first major event to not be in one. Part of her hoped that future Jasper had just forgotten it, but that was obviously just wishful thinking. She had altered past events already, and that was terrifying.

While she was glad to not have to see the fight, the fact that she had no guarantee that Jasper would survive meant she was extremely stressed the entire time.

They lapsed back into comfortable silence. Jasper continued to check the borders and redraw them in places, Bella kept an ear out for any animal life she could quickly take down to tide her over. She wanted to get rid of her red eyes before she was anywhere near a reflection; but there was nothing, not even a bird or a rodent. She jumped up a tree quickly to assess a wider area. The land was lifeless, just like its inhabitants.

“What are you looking for?” Jasper asked.

“Anything!” she called back. “Literally any animal with blood! There’s nothing, it’s like the Twilight Zone out here.”

“What’s the Twilight Zone?”

“… a book.”

“Oh. If there were animals around which would you want?”

She paused. “… are you asking my favourite food right now?”

“I guess.”

She dropped down to the ground and peered around the tree to look at him. “I like deer, elk, but carnivores taste best when I can get them. Wolves are good, I enjoy wolves.”

“I’d love to see you take down a wolf,” Jasper chuckled. “Or a bear, did you enjoy bears when you went on that trip with your brother?”

Somehow, when he was being so playful and so like his future self it didn’t bother her to remember that fateful trip. On the contrary, she looked at him and remembered how he had comforted her afterwards.

“I needed help taking down a bear, it’s more for the fun than the taste. Most of them just eat fish and berries.” She laughed. “Ferocious though, one wrong swipe and your clothes are completely shredded!”

He laughed along with her, trailing off into a silence that didn’t feel completely natural.

“What’s it like?” he awkwardly asked. “Animals, are they anywhere near as good?”

He wasn’t… he wasn’t thinking about it was he? Jasper considering drinking from animals unprompted, this early was more than she had ever hoped for.

“No,” she said truthfully. “They’re nowhere near as good as humans, you’re never truly satisfied when you only feed on them - but… I’ve been told it gets easier the longer you go without human blood, and the benefits outweigh the negatives.”

He scoffed. “What possible benefits could there be?”

“It allows us to stay in one place for years as a large group, we’re not fighting over human prey and we’re not drawing much suspicion other than the not ageing thing. Plus, we don’t have to kill anyone.” She glanced over at him. “Does it not hurt you? Having to feel what the human you’re killing feels?”

He frowned. “I just try not to pay attention to it, same with lots of things.”

She hummed in agreement and they fell into a more comfortable silence, wandering along the border lines at far too slow a pace.

“Since you’ve come here…” he eventually said. “I’ve stopped shutting all the feelings out. I still do from the newborns; but before, everything was so cold and negative. I relied on Peter for some happiness, I don’t know how he does it, but he finds a way to be positive despite this place. His emotions are like a beacon of light in the gloom of all the anger and bloodlust. It keeps me sane. But you! You’re like the sun! I feel I have to be near you just to stay warm!”

They had stopped walking as he talked. He turned to face her and picked up her wrist, his fingers brushed at the skin peeking out from her cuff and made her shiver.

“There’s a darkness in you now,” he murmured. “One that wasn’t there before. I know it’s because of this place, and it… hurts. I can’t explain it. I’m so glad you’re here, I’m so glad I know you - but at the same time I wish you’d never come here. You’re not supposed to know darkness, you’re made for the light.”

He showed her the golden feeling again; it filled her veins through the wrist he held, her head lifted and her dead heart sputtered.

“This doesn’t belong here,” he whispered. “You talk about your family like they’re perfect, but I don’t understand why they’d let you come here. If I were them I would never let you step foot in this camp, with no way to tell if you’re alive or dead.”

Bella swallowed hard and bit her lip. She thought for a moment and then grabbed his hand, pulling him along with her out of the territory. “Come with me.”

What she was doing was a risk. A huge risk. The fallout could be tremendous. But, she had to make progress somewhere. Yes, Jasper’s attitude towards her had improved immensely, but then all she had was a close relationship within a war camp. At some point she had to broach the topic of leaving together and quite frankly, the sooner the better. There was no getting around it. He had to know that she didn’t intend to stay, that there were people out there waiting for both of them.

Bella warred within herself until the little yellow shack came into view through the trees.

“...What is this?” Jasper whispered, his tone terse and guarded.

“It’s a post office.” She said simply and reached to unlatch the ramshackle door, never letting go of Jasper’s hand.

The door swung open and revealed a large pile of letters on the shelf. Bella realised with a sinking feeling how worried her family must have been, she hadn’t been in the post office for over a month, Carlisle must have been terrified.

She forgot her company for a moment and scooped up the letters, sifting through them to recognise the various styles of handwriting. There was at least one from every member of her coven, every person who loved her.

“So you are spying…” Jasper murmured from behind her. He stared around him with wide eyes.

“No! No, I promise I’m not!” She span around and grabbed the first letter in the pile, an unsealed note from Kate. “Read this and tell me I’m spying.”

He gave her a wary look and unfolded the paper.

“ April 11th, 1886, ” he read aloud. “ My darling Bella,

It has been over a month now since we have received word from you and I must say Carlisle is getting rather frantic. Tanya tells me he has been drafting plans to break you out for the past two weeks and it is becoming difficult to talk him out of storming the place himself. I know you are not avoiding our letters, sweet girl. But please, when you at last receive this letter, do leave an answer right away. I left some more writing equipment should you need it.

Garrett and I will be running between here and Kansas every day until we hear word from you. Then we plan to loiter around Dallas for some time, so long as you are safe.

I send you all my love, dear one.

Kate.”

Jasper refolded the note and passed it back to her, avoiding eye contact.

“Is Kate your cousin?”

“Yes,” Bella kept her eyes on him, trying to gauge his mood on his impassive face. “She and her mate have been travelling around the area.”

Jasper hummed and nodded, his eyes locked on the floor.

“Why is she loitering around here?”

Bella sucked in a breath. This was a delicate situation, and it was vital that Jasper didn’t detect a hint of deception from her. No matter what, she could not lie.

“She’s been staying nearby and keeping me updated on where she is so that I can find her when I leave. In case I get into trouble.”

He met her eyes then.

“When you leave?”

“Yes. I’ll go home eventually.”

Jasper’s brow furrowed. His gaze bore intently into her, but not with the anger she was half expecting. He looked at her with fear and pity, sadness radiated off him in waves he mustn’t have realised he was projecting.

“You really think you can leave?” he whispered. “The only way Maria is letting you out of here is as a pile of ash.”

“Then I guess I’ll be escaping.”

He sighed. “You can’t escape, it’s not possible. She needs you, you’re too valuable to her.”

“Of course it’s possible!” Bella grasped his hand, coaxing him to look her in the eye. “You could come with me you know.”

“Come with you?”

“There’s a whole other world out there, Jaz. One that’s so much better than this. This place is full of hatred and pain and bloodshed, but that’s not all the world is! You think me and Peter are light? You should see a school, a wedding... a birthday party! This place is so grey and numb, but the real world is just a few miles away and it’s full of life!”

Jasper didn’t speak, he gazed down at their joined hands with an unreadable look in his eyes.

“Even if it were possible…” he mumbled. “I can’t leave Maria.”

“Do you mean you can’t leave her or you don’t want to leave her?”

“Does it matter?” He finally let her go and turned to stare at the walls.

Bella sighed, exasperated. “Peter and I have a theory. We think Maria has an ability to make people love her.”

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “That’s ridiculous.”

“No it makes sense! It always seemed so weird that she’s basically keeping you and the newborns as slaves but no one seems to care. But then I put my shield over Peter and suddenly he hated her. It’s like it took away the hold she had over him.”

Jasper didn’t look convinced, Bella’s temper heated up..

“You have to believe me!”

“I don’t-” Jasper sighed. “I know you’re not lying Bella. I don’t think you’re lying, I just think you’re wrong. And besides, my feelings about Maria aren’t the only thing that keeps me here.”

“What else?”

“Anton. He’s a tracker.”

“So? We can deal with trackers, I put my shield over us and we jump in the ocean for a few weeks to cover our scent. Problem solved.”

“Not for this kind of tracker.” Jasper said. “Anton can bind to two people, and once he’s bound to them, he can track them forever. Not through their smell or nothing, through their minds. Right now he’s bound to Maria and he’s bound to me . No matter where I go, he will find me.”

Bella was thunderstruck, for more than one reason.

“But-”

“No, Bella.” Jasper chuckled, a dark despondent sound. “You can’t shield me forever.”

“Jasper.” She stepped into his space, grasped him by the upper arms and pulled herself up to her tiptoes to look him better in the eye. “I will find a way to get you out of here. I will do whatever it takes. You deserve better than this life..”

For a second he stood there, nose inches from hers, breathing her air. Then he sighed and pulled away.

“Good luck Bella.”

He turned and ran back towards camp, most likely to finish his patrol. Bella needed to get back as soon as possible before anyone noticed, but she had one thing to do first.

She grabbed a sheet of paper and a pencil from the pile Kate so kindly left and scratched out a quick note.

Everyone,

I’m okay, I promise. I’m sorry I scared you all. Maria has issued an order that no one is allowed to leave the camp, I won’t be able to send or receive messages for a while. I don’t know how long. Please don’t come to the camp. Seriously, don’t. I have Jasper and Peter looking out for me. I’ll be fine, I swear.

I love you all,

Bella

She folded the note in half and left it neatly on the now empty shelf. The other correspondence she shoved in her bag, to be read and then burned later. She took off towards the camp, following Jasper’s scent back to the boundary line.

Anton’s involvement in this plagued her thoughts, not just because he was a weaselly little slime ball that left metaphorical oil slicks on everything he touched, but because it was so surprising. She’d known Anton was a tracker of course, but he was bound to Jasper? This was a huge problem she had to tackle, and yet it wasn’t in the letters she had brought with her. She couldn’t get her head around it, there was no way Jasper didn’t think it was important. Did he not know?

It was stressful, and frankly terrifying - but for the first time Bella could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Jasper was onside, even if he was in denial about it. She only had two things stopping her from grabbing him and running like hell. Anton’s power, and then Maria’s. For the first time, she truly knew her enemies.

Chapter Text

April 3rd, 1886.

Carlisle growled at the papers before him, their words and images blurred into a vat of pointless, useless information. None of this was helpful, none of this was of any use to him. He was half convinced Bella had told them she needed this research as a ploy to keep them busy. His annoyingly clever girl. It was really just relentless busywork heaped onto him by Tanya to stop him running to Texas at the slightest provocation. 
The lady in question glanced sharply up at him from across their cluttered table.

“I think you will find that your papers have done very little to provoke you, Carlisle.”

He grunted and pushed them away from him. “I don’t even know what we’re doing here.”

“We are helping Bella. She needs to know the historical movements of the Romanian coven.”

“No we’re not!” he exclaimed, pushing back in his chair and pacing about the room. “And no she doesn’t! If we were helping Bella we would be seven hundred miles south right now!”

“Must I have this conversation with you every day, Carlisle?” Tanya stayed in her seat; her stern grip on the table was the only signal to her true frustration. “Bella is here for a reason! We can’t let our feelings get in the way of her work. She trusted you in letting us come down to Kanzas to wait, so in return you must trust her to keep herself safe. She is more capable than you give her credit for.”

His eyes flashed. “I know how capable she is. Even a girl with her talents and ingenuity does not stand a chance against twenty rabid newborns.”

“And neither do you.”

Tanya stared him down, not flinching from the furious eye contact until the tension drained from his spine and he fell back into his seat.

“We’ve had no word from her in a month,” he whispered. “What if we never see her again? What if I sent my only child to her death?”

She leant forwards and gripped his hand. Loose curls of her ice blond hair fell onto her shoulders; she and Irina had been less scrupulous in their appearances in recent months. Kate had given up altogether.

“There is no way you could have stopped her going.” She squeezed. “She has Kate and Garrett at least. She’s not alone, and you’ve seen her letters. She has Peter on board. He won’t let her come to harm.”

“We hardly know anything about him,” Carlisle grumbled. “She barely knew him before coming here, she told me herself. It’s Jasper that we’re supposed to trust, but apparently he’s the most dangerous of them all.”

He watched as Tanya bit her lip, she was clearly holding back another speech about trusting Bella. He sighed and looked away, his eyes falling back to the maps in front of him. He would take one more second, he told himself, one more second to drown. Then he would return to his useless work, swallow his worry and settle to sit and wait for word from the daughter he loved.

Little did he know that Kate was racing towards the house, a hastily scribbled note clenched in hand; carrying news that his child was alright.

Chapter Text

April 5th, 1886.

There were many events during Bella’s time in Maria’s camp that she would avoid thinking about for the rest of her life; but no matter how hard she tried, there would always be some things she would never be able to shake from her mind, questions that would forever go unanswered and images that would never go away.

The morning that she was called from her tree and thrown a length of rope was one of them.

Jasper’s frame was tense as he nodded for her to follow him. They walked to a clearing a small distance away from the camp. Bella could tell from her friend’s mood that they wouldn’t be having a heart to heart like last time.

Maria was already standing in the clearing; with Anton already at her side. Bella wanted to ask what was going on, but Jasper’s thunderous presence at her side kept her quiet. She avoided looking at anyone in particular and worried the unexplained rope between her fingers.

Finally, the familiar sound of a carriage rattling in the distance cut through the silence.

Maria smiled. “Ah, at last.” She turned to her companions. “Have you ever turned anyone, Belle?”

Bella shook her head, not trusting her voice.

“Not to worry!” Maria sauntered towards her and tapped condescendingly on her nose. “It’s easy. If you get too carried away, one of us will just pull you off. Now that you are off your silly animal diet I think you should have the control for it.”

Bella held her breath and willed herself not to react, feeling Jasper’s eyes on her even after Maria turned away. He could feel her horror, there was no point in trying to hide it from him. She subconsciously inched closer to him and he let their hands brush.

“I won’t let you kill, don’t worry,” he breathed, too low for the others to hear.

Bella nodded to show her thanks, but it really didn’t help that much. This was an innocent human that she was about to put through hell, damn to a horrific life that would undoubtedly end in being ripped apart and burned. Would she be responsible for this person, morally speaking? Was this really better than killing them?

She felt no better about it by the time Peter brought the carriage to a halt in front of them. Bella’s shield immediately stretched to protect him from Maria's influence. When he opened the door, five humans poured out—one for each of them.

Jasper lead her to two humans who were huddling together, trembling in fear.

He nodded at the rope in her hands. “We tie them up first, so they don’t flail too much when they’re changing.”

Bella frowned. Surely being restrained would make the experience much worse for the humans, not that flailing helped to lessen the pain. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed everyone was looking at her, waiting for her to move.

With a gulp and gentle hands, she wrapped the length of rope around the shuddering woman in front of her and tied her arms securely to her torso. She looked like she was in her early twenties at most, with dark copper hair, green eyes, and fine sharp features. A part of her was reminded of Edward, but she shook the thought away as soon as it appeared.

The woman to her right screamed. With a turn of her head Bella saw Jasper licking the excess blood off his lips, letting his victim fall to the floor and wail uncomforted. He schooled his grimace into a neutral expression and turned to her expectantly, it was her turn.

The girl in her arms was violently trembling, her breath came out in sharp bursts that rattled her frail chest. As Bella ducked her head down to the girl’s neck, part of her was impressed with her own control. She didn’t need this blood. She sure as hell wanted it, but she didn’t need it.

She paused before her teeth sunk in, just long enough to whisper an apology in the girl’s ear and hope the screaming covered it from the others. The girl's paper-thin skin parted easily under her razor-sharp teeth.

Bella’s entire being sparked to life as the first drop of blood hit her tongue. This being her second victim, she could appreciate the finer notes in her blood. This one was sweeter than her last, thinner in texture and more fragrant in aftertaste. But above all, it was delicious. Life-affirming, perfect, made everything she had gone through worth it.

Gone.

A rough hand clenched her hair and yanked her head away from the girl’s neck. Bella struggled at first. But when the girl’s fearfully sharp eyes crossed and clouded over with pain, she remembered what they were doing.

She cringed at the first scream.

“Surely they didn’t get enough venom in their systems?” She whispered to Jasper, whose hand lingered in her hair, resting on the back of her neck. “It will take them forever to change.”

“That’s the point.” He replied. “The extra blood in them will make them stronger. More violent at the beginning too. They’ll take about five days to change, rather than the usual three.”

“That’s horrible…” she breathed.

His hand tightened on her neck, fingers digging into the edge of her collarbone.

“I know…”

“Major.” Maria’s voice drew their attention. Jasper’s hand fell from Bella’s back. “I have no patience for all the noise right now. Keep an eye on them here and come back to camp when they are close to waking. I will send someone else to deal with them on their first few days.”

Jasper swept towards her and raised her hand to his lips. “As you wish, Ma’am.”

Maria drew him down for a proper kiss, which Bella turned to avoid looking at. Unfortunately, it sounded like it involved tongues. An unpleasant heavy feeling settled in her stomach, only alleviated slightly when Peter rested a heavy hand on her shoulder.

“Come on,” he whispered. “Let’s go back.”

I wasn’t quite Maria’s right-hand man at the time you are going back to. I undoubtedly was her favourite, but there was another who was just as close to her. His name was Anton. He’s tall, and he has short black hair, was Mexican before he was turned so his skin’s a little bit darker than ours. Fairly generic description, but you’ll be able to recognise him from the way he fawns around Maria. He won’t be as big a threat to you as I will be, but you should still be wary of him.

Bella and Peter sat back in their tree, watching a bedraggled Maria slink back into camp. There was a new rip in her dress, where someone had clearly been too impatient in undoing its bindings.

“So the Major will be away from camp for a few days.” Peter said.

“Yep,” said Bella. “So it’s the perfect time to deal with Anton.”

Peter turned to her, a frown on his pretty face. “I’m sorry I didn’t think of this. I knew Anton was tracking Jasper, but for some reason, it just didn’t occur to me that it would be an issue for us.”

“It’s okay,” she replied. “I didn’t think of it either.”

His gift was powerful, that’s how he rose through the ranks and became lieutenant with me. He could bind with your mind and track you from anywhere, no running or covering up your scent would save you. However, he could only bind to two and he had to physically touch them in order to do it. In 1886, he was bound to Maria and an old associate, Drina, who she wanted to keep an eye on.

If Jasper in the future was under the impression that Anton wasn’t tracking him, then they were in one of two situations. Either Jasper didn’t know that he was being tracked, or Bella had accidentally changed events in a way that made Anton change his mind.

“You said you knew? Did Jasper tell you he was being tracked?”

“Sure did,” Peter replied. “Remember the day after you drank for the first time? Maria called us both into her tent. Apparently Anton clapped him on the back and he felt him bond.”

Shit. So she had changed events.

“He said it hurts,” Peter continued. “Like getting stabbed in the back over and over. Fitting really.”

Bella snorted. “Guess I’ll look forward to that.”

Peter groaned, his head cracked back against the trunk of the tree their shared branch grew out of. “Why can’t we just kill him?”

Bella sighed and let her own head loll in annoyance. “How would that go? If we lure Anton away and attack him would we definitely win?”

“Well… not definitely.”

“So he kills us,” Bella surmised. “Or he doesn’t manage to kill us and just runs back to camp and informs Maria instead. Then what?”

“Then we’re running with a newborn army on our tails.”

“Right. Which we want to avoid at all costs.”

“Right.” Peter pursed his lips. “I still think your plan is over complicated though.”

“It’s just complicated enough.” Bella scooted further forwards on her branch of the tree, away from the camp as if it would help keep her low tone undetected from the army behind her. “I approach Anton while Jasper isn’t here, lift my shield off myself, trick him into tracking me instead of Jasper. Then, when Jasper comes back I can shield him from Maria without Anton noticing. And then when we escape I can put my shield down and he can’t find us. Simple.”

He frowned. “How much effort does it take to keep your shield off yourself? Have you kept it off for long in the past?”

“Well…” Bella had had a considerable amount of practice playing around with her shield in her first few years of vampire life. She used to sit with Edward for hours, stretching her shield over random members of the household and having him work out who it was, then lifting it off herself and watching the grin spread across his handsome face. He always treasured that, the brief stolen glimpses into her mind.

She shook off the thoughts of her lost husband again. They wouldn’t be worth dwelling on for some time and weren’t helpful at that moment.

“A few hours,” she concluded. “And I can’t really do other things while it's off, so I’ll need a lot of help.”

He raised an eyebrow. “And are we planning on leaving in a few hours?”

“I doubt it.”

“You do see why I think this is a shitty plan, right?”

“Yeah, but it’s the only one we’ve got, Petey!” She returned to her post peeking out of the spring leaves for their opportunity.

“Don’t fuckin’ call me that…”

She shushed him. “Look! Anton’s on his own! This is our chance!”

He sighed and tugged on her arm. “Are you sure about this? You’d have to keep your shield off yourself for days, maybe weeks! We have time to think of something else.”

“We’ve gotta use the opportunity of me having just fed. It’s rare that I have this much power, may as well make use of it.” She passed her soft leather satchel to him. “Keep this safe, I’ll see you later.”

He hooked it over his shoulder. “Good luck I guess…”

She cast him one last reassuring smile and dropped from the tree, landing a few paces from the edge of the camp. Anton was lounging on a fallen trunk, watching the clouds; relaxed to the untuned eye. Bella understood though, he wasn’t really chilling out. Appearing relaxed in such a stressful environment was a huge power play.

She strolled across the camp at a human pace, trying to emulate some of that relaxed energy he was throwing out and frantically going through the information Jasper had given her about the man.

Anton is easy to underestimate. Remember this is a man that is madly, obsessively in love with a beautiful woman who constantly puts him down and belittles him. He has to watch her sleep with other men and choose me over him all the time.

“Good afternoon, Anton!” She softly called to him once she was sure she had his attention.

He looked surprised. “Afternoon, Belle.”

She stopped in front of him and spoke too quietly for anyone around them to hear. Form intimacy with him, make him feel special. “I was wondering if I could sit and chat with you, while it’s quiet.”

He stared at her for a second, then gestured to the seat beside him in a universal gesture of go ahead.

That kind of abuse does things to people. It wrecked him from the inside out. It made him aggressive and desperate to prove himself.

She slipped down beside him, rearranging her skirts around her as she went, then sat and drew a blank. What kind of conversation starter was suitable for this kind of situation?

He was looking at her funny, waiting for her to speak. She giggled nervously.

“I feel like I barely know you. Would you tell me about yourself?”

He shrugged. “Not much to tell, I can’t remember much of my human life. Been here twenty years and it’s all been much of the same.” He frowned at her. “Peter is still here y’know, since when are you chompin’ at the bit to talk to me?”

He’s a considerable fighter, with many gifts and advantages. But he’s ruled by his ego. Appeal to that and he will be easily manipulated.

She bit her lip and tried to shyly glance at him under her lashes. Appeal to his ego. “Oh you know… there’s only so long I can talk to Peter before craving… a different kind of conversation.”

The man snorted. “Bored of dipshit talk, eh? I don’t blame ya.”

She went quiet to think of a new thing to say, but he beat her to it.

“You look better with red eyes, y’know.”

“I do?”

He nodded. “Going back to your natural food source must feel good. It sure as hell feels good to watch you drink from it.”

She tried to ignore the implications in that comment, and the leery gaze being levelled at her.

“‘Sides,” He continued. “That animal shit clearly doesn’t do as good a job as human blood. You always look hungry.”

“It is just as good, actually.” She lied. This was it, the first real time she had gone off-plan. Jasper, in his long compendium of advice, had never accounted for her having to part way seduce Anton and take down her one real advantage. “It’s just that I’m always shielding myself and it drains a lot of energy.”

He frowned at her, finally dropping his indifferent act and fully paying attention. “Your shield isn’t always up naturally?”

“No.” She smiled as she lied again, trying to look fondly annoyed at Carlisle. “My sire was really uncomfortable with me coming down here, so he told me I had to keep it up all the time to keep myself safe. But it’s becoming such a strain, I’m considering taking it down.”

“Safe from what?”

She shrugged. “Anyone with a mental gift? He worries about me, poor soul.”

“There’s no one here who has a power that could hurt you.”

“That’s true.” She smiled indulgently at him. “And if someone comes along that does, you’ll protect me until I can put it up, right?”

His chest puffed up and a smirk bloomed on his face. “Of course I’ll protect you. Better than the Major or his little weakling could.”

She giggled, the sound soured in her ears. “My sire had no idea I would be with someone like you when I came here. I’m sure that if he did, he wouldn’t have been nearly so worried about me!”

He grinned, one side of his mouth slyly lifting higher than the other, and shifted towards her. His arm spread out to the side and rested on the ground just behind her. “Nothin’ to worry about. You’re safe to drop the shield.”

This is it. She internally cringed as she closed her eyes and brought her shield into her consciousness. It was anchored onto her, as per usual, and stretched over to the trees where Peter was watching her. She fidgeted with the edges, pulling them this way and that until with a wrench of effort she pushed it off herself and held it above her. Her mind shuddered with the strain and she took a second to get used to the sensation.

Being without her shield always felt strange, like she was naked and exposed, but it was even stranger in a camp surrounded by many other vampires. The blanket that protected her from them was gone and she felt their presences like a cold draught. When she turned to look back at Anton, he was smiling at her like he could see her differently.

He smirked. “Does that feel better?”

She nodded, swallowing the tension in her head and neck. “It’s nice to feel normal again. Like I do at home.”

“Good.” He returned his eyes to the sky, watching the clouds pass over them. “This is your home now.”

There it was, Bella thought. Concrete evidence that Maria expected her to stay there. What kind of home would this make? She glanced back at the soldier sitting beside her. Was he really so content here that he never considered leaving?

He’s not power-hungry in the traditional sense. He’s desperate for Maria. She was like a drug to him and he would put up with anything to be near her.

“Yes,” she whispered. The pressure in her head was already getting too much to bear while also thinking of things to say. “I do miss my coven though.”

Anton grunted, clearly not interested in that topic of conversation. It didn’t matter though, he soon would be.

It’s sad really, he was ripped apart in front of her in 1904 and she was annoyed at the most.

She continued to whisper. “Sometimes I think about leaving…” His eyes shot to hers dangerously fast. “Sneaking off when everyone is busy and running home. They’re living in California right now. I love the mountains there.”

That lie right there was vital. Vital to leading Anton and the newborns in the wrong direction when they finally escaped.

“You’re thinkin’ of leavin’?” he growled.

The problem for you is how much she emasculated him. He would take a power trip anywhere else he could get it, especially on women. That will be your issue, he might try to intimidate you.

She could see him restraining himself. The muscles in his jaw tensed outwards and the ones in his arms rippled as he flexed. Bella noticed movement in the trees out of the corner of her eye. Peter was getting ready to leap to her aid.

This was a more violent reaction than she was expecting, clearly she hadn’t stroked his ego enough. But if he were thinking, he would realise he couldn’t kill her. Maria needed her. She just needed to remind him of that.

“Yes,” she tried not to shudder. “I know that it’s wrong to think about it. After all, Maria needs me to keep her safe from Johan.” She literally fluttered her eyelashes at him and reached out to touch his hand. “It’s just an errant thought... and I trust you to keep it to yourself.”

The promise of violence in his eyes faded a little. He must not have thought about Bella’s importance to Maria. She maintained eye contact, willing him to take the bait. Come on. You can’t kill me but there’s something else you can do.

His temples tensed with effort and a sharp jabbing pain assaulted her back. It reminded her of injections she’d endured as a human, only this pain wasn’t over in half a second. It latched onto her spine at the base of her neck and pulsed. Jab jab jab…

It worked, Anton had bound himself to her. He would never unbind from Maria, so Jasper must have been free.

She gave him a weak smile, exhausted already from holding her shield up and maintaining this deceitful disgusting conversation.

“I should go see what Peter’s doing.”

She felt his eyes on her all the way until she had leapt into the tree and out of view. Even then, she knew he was looking.

Overall, just stay away from him. I would much rather you just stay away from him.

She snapped her eyes closed as soon as she was settled, to shut out the extra stimuli. Peter’s hand rested on her arm.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” She whispered. “It just takes a lot of focus to keep the shield off me.”

“And that talk with Anton? I couldn’t hear you.”

She shivered. “He’s awful. I hate him.”

“Me too…” sighed Peter. “Bells, is it too much? What happens if you put your shield down now?”

“He won’t be able to sense me anymore. He’ll assume I’m trying to escape and come after me, or decide it’s more important to track Jasper after all. Neither is good.”

“... Can you really keep this up?”

She dared pull her energy away from maintaining the position of her shield for a second to look at him.

“I have to.”

Chapter Text

When Bella's five days of waiting were up, she was ravenous.

The relentless burning in her throat was almost enough to distract her from her mutinous shield. It was barely relieved by the rabbits and birds Peter had been running dangerously far to fetch her. As it was, she could hardly move without shaking that delicate concentration. If she were only holding her shield off herself it might not have been so bad. Stretching it over Peter was usually so easy it had become second nature. But the two in conjunction made it impossible to function. She just sat in her tree with her eyes closed and hoped Maria would have no tasks for her. Peter made a routine of finding jobs that would take him far enough from the camp for her to not need to shield him - but he couldn’t do that forever.

A part of her looked forward to the moment when Jasper came back. His presence meant progress. Once he was free from Maria’s influence, logically there was nothing else to stop them from escaping.

Aside from the horde of newborns, of course.

Another part of her, the one attached to a shield, was fiercely dreading Jasper’s return. Shielding him, as well as Peter, would be nigh on impossible. She was taking on way too much, but realistically, she didn’t have a choice. If she were to drop her shield from Peter when he was around Maria, she might notice the fluctuation in his attitude and realise what Bella was doing. There was no doubt that she had already worked out that Bella’s shield protected from her gift. Bella had never realised that she should have been pretending to be in love with the warlord. Jasper hadn’t known to suggest it.

“The Major’s back…” Peter murmured in her ear.

If Jasper was walking back into the camp, it must have been five days since they last saw him. The new newborns (including Bella’s progeny) must have woken up so someone else had been sent to watch them for their first week. She wasn’t sure if the time had gone painfully slowly or dangerously quickly.

She cracked her eyes open, squinting in the midday Texas sun and the glow reflected off herself and her friend. Jasper was standing in the centre of camp, hands clasped properly behind his back as he observed the soldiers. His dirty blonde hair was pushed back from his face; showing off the fine angle of his cheekbones and curling around his jaw. His eyes were a dark red, from a couple of weeks without feeding.

Bella focused her pitch-black ones on him and slowly, inch by inch, wrestled the shield over him. The effort made her dizzy, she would have pitched forward were it not for Peter’s steadying hand on her shoulder. She wanted to close her eyes again, to take away the light and the movement from the world around her, but she was glad she didn’t when she saw his reaction.

It had worked. Jasper’s head shot up from where it had been cast low towards the ground. His back tensed and shoulders pulled back. His stance widened, knees bent, and a snarl pulled at his lips. He stood like that for a moment, shock still. Only his wide eyes darted around him, looking at the world like it was his first time seeing it.

His chest heaved with a deep breath and he finally turned to the tree, where Bella and Peter peered back at him. He held their gazes for a moment, his brow furrowed; then a wave of sadness, confusion and fear reached them, making their heads spin and bellies feel weak. He ran a hand over his face and pulled back on a fistful of his hair. Then he turned on his heel and marched away into the canopy of trees.

Bella finally let her eyes slide shut to concentrate on him while he was still close enough. She grasped on to the essence of him and held her shield there, letting him pull it with him as he walked away. She couldn’t cover him for more than half a mile, but her range appeared to be much larger than Maria’s.

Peter let out a breath. “Well, that went better than I thought it would. Was half-convinced he’d attack Maria for a second there. That would’a gone bad.”

Bella couldn’t answer, but he had grown accustomed to one-sided conversations in the time that they had been waiting.

“Poor guy looks like he’s havin’ a crisis…” Peter continued. “Ya think I should go after him? Nah… He’ll have questions and probably be mad. I’d rather not have anything ripped offa me. I would say you should talk to him if it were possible. He’s nicer to you than he is to me. Maybe it’s ‘cause yer a lady. I’ve always got the feelin’ off him that under all that angry soldier business he’s a right gentleman. Think he came from gentlefolk? I wouldn’t be surprised-”

Were they one-sided conversations or just rambling monologues? Bella couldn’t decide.

Eventually, Peter left her with the promise of finding her something to eat and a task of some sort that would take him and Jasper away for her to have a break. Bella was grateful when they walked together out of the range of her shield, which snapped back to her like a rubber band. She struggled to hold it up over her with the force.

Peter had timed this well, for Bella’s purposes. She needed to do something, something that involved opening her eyes and moving. He and Jasper had volunteered to go round up more humans for the second feed, the first one was almost there.

“...if there’s a human in the camp they are already doomed. It is more important that you stay alive.”

She repeated Jasper’s words in her head over and over as she climbed down from her tree and made her way to the pit in the centre of camp.

She needed this. She could never keep up what she was doing on tiny amounts of animal blood alone. If her shield slipped then they could all be dead. This was necessary, it was justified. That was the only reason why she was walking towards the feeding ground.

She suppressed the monster inside her that was far too happy about this decision.

She pictured her family’s faces despite desperately trying not to. They would understand. They would forgive her. They had told her themselves.

Emmett… “Just do whatever it takes to survive, Bells.”

Carlisle… “...if you find yourself in a position where you are feeding on humans, whether it was a slip-up, a forced situation, or by choice; know that I do not judge you.”

Esme… “You could never disappoint me, my darling.”

Rose... "Remember, you’ll live for eternity. That’s too long to linger forever on the fickle lives of humans."

Bella had a feeling the others hadn’t thought about it. Couldn’t think about it.

A carriage rattled ever closer to the camp. Newborns started to congregate around Bella, forced to hold themselves back from leaping at their prey until they had word from a lieutenant. She supposed they thought she was in charge. She felt sick at the thought.

Anton led a procession of humans towards the pit, ten of them. Their whimpers were almost drowned out by the growls and snarls that fell from the newborns’ burning throats.

He caught sight of her and frowned. This was very unlike her, feeding from a human voluntarily. The lie that she abstained from human blood to make it taste better had slipped over the past weeks, clearly. Still, he nodded at her and held three humans back rather than the usual two for him and Maria.

He shoved the rest into the pit before them and ordered them to stand up. Bella knew from experience that she wished she didn’t have that if they were allowed to cower on the floor when the newborns descended, they would just get trampled to death and waste blood.

She really really wished she didn’t know that.

The humans stood on shaking feet and desperately stared around for mercy. Many of their eyes lingered on her, the only one there who was properly clothed and not snarling at the sight of them. She couldn’t meet their eyes, choosing instead to look at Anton. He was in charge here; it wasn’t her fault, it wasn’t her doing.

With a jerk of his hand, Anton allowed the newborns to leap into the pit. They almost carried her with them, but Bella stood firm. There were several newborns per human - that’s why they needed multiple lots. It was a brutal way to die. It was hard to ignore the screams.

Anton herded his three extra humans towards her, looking into the pit with practiced indifference.

“You’ll be partakin’ this time, I take it?”

She just nodded, taking the arm of the human he pushed towards her with a gentle hand.

“Just shove it in the pit when you’re done.”

She stared straight forwards, not able to look her quivering victim in the face.

She was a good person, she had control, she had kept her humanity. This was necessary, this was unavoidable. If she didn’t do this, she would most likely die.

“You are my heart and soul. My world begins and ends with you. Live, my love. Just stay alive for me. I’m begging you.”

She didn’t have a choice, she told herself as she bit down into her victim’s soft neck.

But deep down she knew. Of course, she did.

The drained body fell into the pit with a thump, and snarls surged as the newborns tried to scavenge any drops of blood left over. Bella was fairly certain she had left none.

She flexed the edges of her shield, more defined and infinitely more controllable. The human blood had done its job, giving her strength and drowning that monster inside of her...for the time being.

She made her way back to her perch in the tree, to close her eyes and wait until Peter and Jasper came back. Peter would most likely bring a rabbit or something, wriggling in his stone hands, expecting her to be starving still. She would keep up what she was doing before, of course, to conserve as much energy as possible. She would try not to kill anyone else. She would try her best.

“Belle?”

She huffed. Of course Anton came back, of course he did.

“Yes?”

“Maria wants to see you.”

“Okay,” She sighed and steeled her hold over her shield. “I’m coming.”

“Now.”

Bella heaved herself off the branch and trekked across the camp to Maria’s tent, avoiding the growling and scrabbling that still came from the feeding pit.

Maria turned when she lingered in the entrance. “Belle! It has been too long since we talked!”

Her words were friendly enough, but there was a hard edge to her voice now. Bella realised with a jolt that Anton must have told her what they talked about five days before. She had accepted that this would be a possibility, of course. But knowing that your survival is only based on your usefulness was an unnerving experience. Bella could feel, as she walked further into the tent, that if she didn’t have a shield - she would be dead.

But that wasn’t the only thing she felt. There was a familiar sensation on her shoulders, like a tentative push. Bella scourged her mind as to where she had felt it before, then she realised. She had felt this when she first met Maria, that first day in the camp. As she walked away she had felt something pushing against her shield and trying to get through. She had thought it was Anton, but she was wrong. It was Maria.

That familiar pushing hit her again, but it wasn't stopped by her ever-present shield. It sailed right on under it, hit her in the heart and spread all over her body.

Maria shook her raven mane out over her shoulder and placed a hand on the soft curve of her hip.

“So,” She chimed. “Dear Anton told me you partook in the feeding just now!”

Bella lowered her head in respect, but couldn’t bear to fully draw her eyes away. “Yes, Ma’am. Animal blood just wasn’t enough for me anymore.”

“Well, I respect that. But…” Maria sighed. “I am sad I didn’t get to see. You were so beautiful last time, so animalistic... So feral!”

Sadness cut Bella through the chest like a knife. She had been so thoughtless, so immature. She hadn’t thought of anyone’s needs other than her own. Selfish. How could she not have thought that Maria would have wanted to watch? Did she not owe her for taking her in?

“I...I’m so sorry, Ma’am!” Bella gasped. “I didn’t think! Please, how can I make it up to you?”

Maria’s mouth opened, but she remained silent. Her gaze flickered to Anton, then back to Bella, then back to Anton, then back to Bella again. Her ruby eyes sparkled and full lips spread over white teeth in a delighted grin.

She looked at Bella like she had never seen her before. “Oh my Belle!” She cupped Bella’s cheek in her hand, Bella leaned into the contact. “You are so darling to be so distressed. Don’t you worry, I’m sure you can make it up to me!”

“Thank you, Ma’am…”

“Here, come sit by me sweet girl.” Maria sat herself on a high back chair in the centre of the room; her throne.

Bella sat on the packed dirt floor before her. Maria lowered a hand to play with the younger vampire’s hair.

“Now, Belle.” Maria teased her hands through Bella’s knotted hair, combing it and smoothing it until the girl purred. “You and Peter spend an awful lot of time together up in the treetops. I must say I have been feeling rather neglected.”

Bella gasped and tried to stand and apologise, but Maria’s soothing hands kept her down.

“Shhhh, my girl.” She cooed. “It will all be okay. I just need to know one thing. What is it that you and Peter talk about up there? You’re always whispering about this and that, as if you are making grand plans. What are they?”

“Um…” Bella desperately wanted to tell her. She could never deny her lady anything. But would telling her upset her more? Bella didn’t know what she had been thinking, plotting to leave Maria. Obviously those plans were at an end, but if Maria were to know of them it would break her heart. Bella needed to keep them a secret and hope that Peter would understand.

“Just tell me, my darling.” Maria prompted. “I won’t be upset. I promise.”

“Well…”

“Bella!”

Bella flinched. She had been so focussed on Maria that her surroundings had faded away. She turned and saw Jasper at the entrance to the tent, his eyes wide with horror. She frowned for a moment, what right did he have to look so upset? He sat like this with Maria all the time. A surge of jealousy rose up. Was he trying to take this away from her?

Jasper made a strangled noise and something in her struggled back. She was supposed to be shielding him, wasn’t she? She wasn’t sure what for. The only thing she was fairly certain of was that it was to do with whatever she and Peter had been planning against Maria. So shielding him must be the wrong thing to do. But Jasper looked like he was suffering and something deep inside her howled at the thought.

She held on to Maria’s hand for strength and stretched her shield out over him. Every inch was slow, but eventually it covered him fully and his whole body uncoiled in relief.

Maria was getting impatient. “Major. What the hell are you doing? What do you want?”

“I’m sorry Ma’am, it’s just…” Jasper paused for a second, growls and snaps and snarls grew behind him. “Somethin’s got the newborns riled up real good and my gift isn’t cuttin’ it to calm them down. I was wonderin’ if Anton and Belle could back me up out here.”

Maria huffed. “Anton yes, but not Belle. Belle shall stay with me.”

Jasper looked pained but gave a short bow. “Yes Ma’am.”

Bella tilted her head back into Maria’s hand with a contented sigh. Then she realised someone was looking at her from the doorway. It was Peter, who she absolutely couldn’t be near if she were ever to earn Maria’s trust again. Yet still, there was this deep need inside of her to protect him from something.

She took her shield where it was still attached to Jasper and slowly spread it over Peter as well. He gave her a sharp grin and a wink when she was done.

“Now, my Belle… Where were we?” Maria combed through her hair again. “Ah yes, you were telling me all about what you and Peter get up to.”

She should really just tell her, Bella thought. The only way to truly earn Maria’s trust was to be trustworthy. She couldn’t start any kind of worthy relationship with this woman that was based on lies. She owed it to her to tell the truth, apologise for her mistakes and ask if they could start again.

Before Bella could open her mouth to speak, there was a spectacular ripping noise and a newborn flew through the side of the tent; straight into the chair Maria was sitting in. It sent her clattering to the ground with a growl.

Bella jumped up, snarl at her lips, ready to maul the bastard that had done this. But someone came up behind her, clamped her arms to her sides and pulled her backwards as Maria stormed from the tent in front of her.

Maria shouted at the angry horde but they just got louder. Bella struggled in her captor’s arms, her lady was surely in danger out there.

She was pulled backwards out of the empty tent and into the treeline, struggling all the way. Her captor let her go, only to grab her shoulders and spin her to face him. Peter, of course it was.

“Put your shield down.” He ordered.

“What?” Bella gasped. “No. Don’t we need it up for Anton or something?”

“Anton’s distracted.” He nodded to where the lieutenant was ripping newborns limb from limb and roaring like a lion. “You can put it down, just for a sec.”

“No…” Bella had no idea why she didn’t want the shield back down, but there was a voice in her head screaming that it needed to stay up.

“Bella!” Peter shook her. “Remember why you are here! You need to put your shield down to remove Maria’s influence on you! Now!”

How ridiculous. Bella's feelings were her own. Maria would never do such a thing.

“Maria isn’t influencing me!” She scoffed.

“Then it won’t hurt to put it down!” Peter responded. “Just for a moment! If nothin’ happens then no harm done.”

Bella grumbled and slid her eyes shut to get a handle on her shield. It was stretched in front of her over Peter and about a quarter of a mile to the left, over Jasper. The whole thing was suspended over her head, held up by the might of her mind. Although, holding her shield up felt distinctly easier. It was as if there were something else there, in Bella's mind. Some presence that wanted that shield up and off her, something that was taking the load off Bella herself.

With a wince, she pushed that presence aside and let go, and the thing came slamming back down over her eyes. Her ears rang and head wobbled like she had whiplash. The shield stammered, but she maintained the cover over Peter and Jasper. Then the clarity hit.

Oh… Her eyes shot to Peter’s. That’s what Maria’s gift felt like.

He looked almost as if he was scared of her. “You okay?”

“Yeah…” She massaged her temples. She was exhausted, even though she felt better than she had in a long time with her belly full of blood and shield in her own head. There was a particularly loud whine behind them. “Is there a full-on war happening behind us?”

“Jasper did a little messin’ with everyone’s emotions.” Peter grabbed her shoulder and pulled her to his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and held tight. “You have a couple’a minutes to catch your breath before he needs to cool it down and Anton won’t be so distracted anymore.”

Bella sighed and relaxed in her friend’s embrace. She would savour this moment of peace and ease, since she wasn’t sure when she would get the next one.

Only one thing was certain. She couldn’t keep this up for much longer.

Chapter Text

The only reason that Bella wasn’t dead was because she was useful. She knew it, Jasper and Peter knew it, Anton knew it; even the newborns knew, if the looks they had been giving her meant anything. 

Maria had realized that she was up to something. Their battle of wits had grown into an all out war. They were in a standoff. Bella sat to the side, slowly deconstructing the foundations of Maria’s operations. Maria stood at the head, cutting off Bella’s access to blood until she slipped and showed her hand. 

In the week since Bella’s last meal, the camp had had two feeds. Particularly generous. But, because Maria was feeling so ‘generous’ they had taken place in human settlements. Bella had managed to justify drinking human blood to herself. She could disassociate from it when the victim had been clinically brought to her, but hunting humans in their own homes? Watching the carnage and the pain and the screaming as parents were forced to watch their children be cut down in front of them? Families torn apart, homes burned down. She couldn’t do it. She also had a feeling that Maria knew that.

It was a challenge. If Bella wanted to feed, she had to do it on Maria’s terms. 

At least she still had the control to stick to the few morals she had left. 

One week of holding her shield up and extending it to Jasper and Peter meant that she burned all over. It didn’t matter how controlled she was, if a human came within hearing distance of her they would be dead in an instant. She couldn’t comprehend anymore, she couldn’t focus on anything but the burning and the vague outlines of the two beings her shield was stretched over. She was so far gone she couldn't even understand that. 

She didn’t even realise Jasper was saying her name until he shook her arm. His ruby eyes were wide, terrified; and she couldn’t work out why. What could possibly scare him so much?

“Oh fuck, Bella. What are you doin’ to yourself?”

He scooped her up off her branch, bridal style, and held her close as he ran away from the sound of the rabble. Her satchel was left behind in the tree. Bella frowned, not used to movement.

“Wait, I need to keep track of Peter…”

“He’s goin’ out to feed, don’t worry.”

Jasper carried her to a clearing a small distance away. Bella could still hear the rabble of the newborns behind them faint in the distance. He set her gently on the floor, guiding her back to rest against a wide tree trunk. 

He murmured, “Stay there.” Then he was gone. 

Bella let her eyes slide shut again, and focussed on his energy under her shield. He was darting around in circles like he had no idea what he was looking for. Eventually he left the reach of her shield and it snapped back to her. 

So she sat there alone, waiting for something. Or nothing. She almost lacked the energy to ponder what was happening; why she had been moved to a clearing and what she was waiting for, or why she was waiting for it. 

When Jasper finally came back he threw something large and heavy at her feet. Her brain wasn’t cognizant enough to understand what it was, but what she could understand was the smell of rapidly cooling blood. 

She pounced before her brain could register the movement. Although she gagged at the rancid taste and the unpleasant feeling of fur in her mouth, her body sang for finally receiving sustenance.

The blood was gone in a matter of seconds and she could finally see clearly again. She pulled back and took note of her surroundings; the animal was a coyote, they were a mile away from camp, it was just past noon and drizzling, Jasper stood in front of her; his nose was wrinkled. 

“I don’t know how that takes the place of human blood.” He said. “I tried some when I caught it and it was disgustin’.”

Bella stared at him. Sure enough his eyes were that little bit brighter, as if a hint of amber had been injected into the deep red. She was struggling to believe that he actually tried animal blood without being asked or even encouraged to. She had been so careful with her diet, never extolling the virtues of it or really mentioning it unless she had to. She had been told that nobody would appreciate being reminded of the immorality of drinking from humans and took it to heart - she never mentioned it. Other than the time that Jasper asked, of course. To think that he voluntarily did it, while catching something to help her. She looked at him and finally truly saw the Jasper she had always known.  

“It used to...” She eventually stammered out. “... take the place of human blood, I mean. But I don’t think it does anymore.”

A wave of emotion hit her from his direction, her head hurt and tears pricked at her eyes. Sadness. He understood what this meant to her, he understood that she was forever changed. 

“I know I’ve said this before… But I hope whoever you’re lookin’ for it worth it.”

She met his eyes and felt the prickle of fear he was projecting. Some part of him had worked it out, she could tell. She understood him as he understood her. He knew how important he was to her, he had a feeling he’d worked it out. 

She held his gaze and spoke clearly, and with as much conviction as she could muster.

“He is.”

He looked to the sky, gulped (actually gulped) and exhaled a shaky breath. 

“I’ll get you another one.”

She thanked his retreating form and was gifted with another, much larger coyote thirty minutes later. This one was alive, with its legs carefully broken so it couldn’t struggle so much. Although Jasper’s shirt was practically shredded from the effort. She greatly appreciated the thought and tried to project that to him as she latched onto the creature’s neck. It tasted so much better than the last one that she could almost ignore that it wasn’t what she really wanted. 

She checked her shield when she pulled back from the empty carcass. Yep, still up high above her head. Jasper stood a few feet in front of her, his lip caught between his teeth. He released it and straightened when he saw her looking at him.

“I know what you did.” He said.

“What do you mean?”

“With Anton. You made him stop trackin’ me.”

“Did Peter tell you?”

“No, I knew the second you did it.” He rubbed the back of his neck, the exact place where Bella’s throbbed. “The pain went away. I’d been feelin’ it constantly since he cornered me a couple’a months ago, accused me of bein’ too attached to you and Peter. He thought I’d lost sight of what really mattered.”

“... Maria?” Bella asked in a small voice.

He ignored her. “You didn’t do it by convincin’ him to track you did ya? Is that why you’ve got your shield up? It’s killin’ ya, Bella. You can’t keep doin’ this.”

“I have to.” She smiled a grim smile. “I’ll keep it up as long as necessary.”

“You’re puttin’ yourself in danger!” He snapped. “Maria has noticed the change in your behaviour, Bella. She’s suspicious. It’s too dangerous for you here, you need to get out while you still can.”

She’d heard that before.

“You’re right.” She said. “I do need to get out as soon as possible. But I’m not leaving without you.”

He glared at her, torment clear on his face. “I’ve been thinkin’ about it. Havin’ Maria’s influence taken off me was a shock and I will leave one day. But I don’t know what’s out there, I don’t know who I am outside of this place. I need time, Bella. Time you don’t have.”

“Then I’ll wait.” 

“Bella…”

“No.” She rose to her full height to stand with him on equal ground. “I will stay here for years. I will keep doing this until I wither away and atrophy. I don’t care. I will not leave you here.”

The anger drained out of him. They stood three feet apart, but with a step he closed the gap and slowly reached across to her. His hand hovered over her cheek, as if he yearned to touch it. She felt the shadow of his fingertips over her cheekbones and her eyes fluttered closed of their own volition.

“Bells…” He whispered. “You can’t-”

“Major!”

Maria’s voice came hurtling from the camp towards them, and Jasper stumbled back as if it hit him. 

“We’ve been away for too long…” He murmured.

“Belle!” The warlord called. “Where are you my loves?”

“C’mon.” Jasper grabbed her wrist and pulled her into a run towards the camp. “She can’t think we’re up to anythin’.”

“... Are we?” Bella asked.

He spared her a glance. “Like I told you. I just need time… For your sake, I’ll try to be quick.”

Maria stood in front of her tent, statuesque in front of a crowd of newborns staring at her in adoration. Peter was among them, but gasped and ducked away once Bella pulled her shield over him. 

That took her attention, until she felt that gentle push on her shoulder. She slammed the shield down so hard her vision flickered, Jasper jolted beside her like he felt it too.

She noticed Anton snarling in the corner of her eye, his glare trained on her. Doing that pissed him off. Maria too by the looks of things, she was frowning like she’d expected Bella to fawn over her again. 

Her attention snapped to the Major. “Where were you? I needed you.”

“I’m sorry Ma’am.” He and Bella bowed their heads in respect. “I took Bella huntin’.”

“You what? ”

The venom in her tone was biting, her eyes burned holes into the two friends. She zipped forward and appeared before Jasper with a snarl, grasped his chin between her pointed fingers and pulled it down to her level. 

“You smell disgusting.” She growled. “And your eyes are different.”

“I…”

“You drank animal blood. Didn’t you!”

Before he could respond, her hand shot from his chin to his neck and she shoved him backwards. He went flying backwards into a tree meters away and didn’t make an effort to land on his feet.

Bella opened her mouth to speak, but a warning glance from him shut her up. 

He knelt on the ground and closed his eyes, his hands open palms up on the ground and his neck tilted far to the side. Maria could kill him so easily. That was the point.

“I’m so sorry, Ma’am.” He whispered towards the ground. “I was curious. What can I do to make this up to you?”

“Get up.”

He scrambled to his feet and found his chin grasped by Maria again. She wrenched his head to the side, forcing him to look at Bella.

“She has corrupted you.” She growled. “I will not put up with it any longer. We don’t need her.”

“Ma’am?”

“You want to make it up to me?” She squeezed his face hard enough for cracks to appear on his jaw. Bella tensed at the sight, he barely winced.

“Kill her.”

“What?” He gasped.

“You heard me.” Maria smirked and shoved him to the floor. “Kill her.”

“But… but Ma’am please…” He stammered, fear projected off him in waves. “What about her shield? We can’t kill Johan without her.”

The warlord raised an eyebrow. “And that’s your answer? How disappointing.”

Bella was frozen to the spot, transfixed by Jasper’s distress on the ground. When she met Maria’s ice cold glare, it slowly transitioned into a smooth smile. 

“It’s been lovely getting to know you, Belle.” She made a gesture behind her that had Anton trotting up towards them. “But I think our time together is at an end.”

She turned to the rabble of newborns behind her. “Kill her.”

Many things happened at once. Jasper screamed and was tackled by Anton. Maria ducked to the side away from the horde moving behind her. They advanced on Bella with snarling mouths and grabbing hands.

She couldn’t fight them off. There were far too many and they were all stronger than her. She had to get some distance between her and the horde and run.

Keep a clear head, dodge, get to high ground.

The blood in her system and shield in her own head let her think so much more quickly. She turned on her heel and raced towards the tree line. 

She had an advantage, but some of the faster ones still caught up. Clawed fingers reached for her back and hair, which in a moment of foresight she grabbed and pulled around to the front.

She doubled down on her speed but was reaching her limit. Hands connected to thick arms reached around either side of her.

Don’t let them get their arms around you.

She abruptly ducked down again and plunged her elbow into the newborn’s groin. A cheap shot that worked on vampires as it did on humans. The man stumbled back into the crowd of snarling masses, some fighting each other in the haze of the battle as they fought to get to her.

She shot up and without hesitating leapt away from the swarm. As she shot herself into the air she noticed Jasper was being restrained by Anton, he stared up at her in horror. 

Some of the newborns jumped to follow her, but with her split second advantage she dove into a tree and sprang from branch to branch away from the camp. 

Just running wouldn’t work, they were too fast. Her mind was her advantage.

The newborns were confused. With the spring leaves they struggled to see her and the scents in the camp were so strong that they couldn’t locate her by scent. They absolutely could not hear her through the racket they were making. 

She focussed on running as fast as she could, not losing her footing. She got some distance from the camp before she found the tree she was leaping from was falling from under her, then the next one, then the next, then the next. Someone was felling them. 

Bella couldn’t move any faster. When the tree she had just landed on crumbled beneath her the only place to go was down. She angled herself to land on her feet and span as she did. Her legs tensed and knees bent and she sprang back into a run.

But something stopped her.

A shot of fire ran through her forearm as a set of teeth sank into it. She swallowed a scream and turned to fight off her assailant, but only served to give them leverage as they tore her lower arm off at the elbow. 

Her mind went white in pain and rage. Her vision blurred through venom and she couldn’t stop the growling cry that came out of her. The parts of her brain that weren’t blinded by sheer panic noticed that she knew the girl who had ripped her arm off. She had turned the girl who ripped her arm off. The rest of her just focussed on backhanding that girl and sending her hurtling through the trees.  

Bella made a split second decision and raced towards her arm. A one armed vampire did not survive very long, and she had a long time to go until her task was done. 

It was a stupid mistake, she realised as the growling got louder and the horde came back into view. Her arm had been thrown directly towards them.

This was it, she could either lose her arm or lose her life. 

It didn’t matter. Strong arms clenched on either side of her and though she struggled she couldn’t get out of his grip without both arms. She was pulled up to the man’s chest, braced herself for a crushing death, then sailed through the air.

What?

She opened her eyes to look at the scene disappearing behind her. It was Peter. He had picked her up and thrown her. He was rapidly disappearing through the trees, but she could hear the advancing crowd of newborns behind him.

She had to land silently. She turned in midair and aimed towards a gap in the trees. She hit the ground and rolled without knocking into any trees. The assailants she could hear were coming from the south, so she recalled her escape plan and headed west.

Her shield had fallen from Jasper and Peter as soon as she was attacked, but she could still sense Peter behind her; running with a dozen newborns on his tail.

What if they killed him? Did he just sacrifice himself for her? 

She resisted the urge to turn around and help him. There was nothing she could really do.

Venom was weeping from the wound on her arm and weakened her with every drop, but there wasn’t time to dwell on it. She ran as fast as she could, even as that got slower and slower as time went on. 

They were advancing on her again. They weren’t quite headed in the right direction, but they were definitely getting closer. She couldn’t outrun them, it was impossible. 

Use your head, use your head...

She did what she did best. She jumped into the tallest tree she could see and clambered up to the tallest branch. It wasn’t a perfect plan, anyone who knew what they were doing would easily be able to find her through scent alone. She was leaking venom everywhere. But this was all she had. She went statue still and deathly silent, waiting for the newborns to either find her or run past her. 

Peter ran towards her, the newborns still on his tail. She clenched her teeth and screwed her eyes shut. This was her worst nightmare. She didn’t dare think of what was happening to Jasper. 

To her surprise, he stopped in his tracks and the group following stopped too. 

“I smell her!” He announced. “Over there!”

They weren’t chasing him, he was leading them. 

For half a second Bella panicked. Maybe Maria had gotten to him while he was unshielded and he had turned on her. But when the newborns started running again, they ran in the wrong direction. 

Bella climbed down from her perch on the tree to meet Peter standing below it. His hair was wild and eyes black with adrenaline. In his hands he clutched her severed arm. 

“Come on.” He grabbed her hand. “We have to run.”

Chapter Text

And now I have told you everything, I am going to beg you one last time not to go.

“C’mon!” Peter’s whisper carried to her through the wind. “The river’s this way!”

Trees sped by them as they sprinted west away from the newborns nipping at their heels. Bella clutched at her mangled elbow, trying to stem the venom leaking steadily from it.

Peter led her to the bank of the Colorado river, the site of the next phase of their plan. Not that anything thus far had gone to plan. Peter was still running in top form, all guns blazing. He took a flying leap across the river and spat on a tree there. Then he rubbed his back on another and ripped some of the venom sodden sleeve off Bella’s dismembered limb, then threw it miles into the distance. All to make it seem like they had jumped over the river and were continuing to run west.

Bella, however, found that when her legs stopped moving, her brain kicked in.

Every second of pain, every drop of venom spilled from you is my fault.

They had left Jasper behind. All this had been to find him, to save him, instead all she had done was shake up his life in the camp and steal away the one person that made him feel anything positive. Maria would most likely punish him for this. She might even kill him for it. He was probably already back under her thrall, a mindless loving zombie bound to her every whim. Bella had condemned him to this, she had done worse than nothing at all.

The pain and regret she felt then compounded into panic when she realised she had left her bag behind. That bag contained evidence of the future, the last words her Jasper had to say to his past self and his brother. It had a tape recorder that wouldn’t be invented for another century, colour photographs printed on paper that would never degrade. In terms of time travel, she had committed a mortal sin.

How would she convince Jasper and Peter without this evidence? She had Carlisle, there were likely other pictures buried under the tree that she could use - but other than that, what was there? Jasper’s letters? She was a vampire, it would be easy for her to copy handwriting, she’d seen Alice do it a thousand times before. There was nothing. She was nothing. She had failed.

Unless she turned around right that second and marched back into the camp.

“Bella?”

Peter was ready to go. He watched her contemplate with a dangerous look on his face.

“Peter, I-”

“No.” He growled. “You can’t go back.”

“But we have to get Jasper! We can’t leave him here!”

“Do you really think that if you go back there, you’ll survive to leave again?” He grasped her shoulders and shook her. “We are lucky to still be alive, Bells. Dont’cha see that? We have to run while we still can.”

“But…” Bella raised her remaining hand to her forehead. This would be impossible to explain without any context. “My bag…”

“Who cares about your fuckin’ bag, Bella?” Peter snarled. “Care about us! Is savin’ the bag more important than your life? Is it more important than mine? ”

‘You should leave without me’ was on the tip of her tongue but she stopped herself from saying it. Peter would whack her if she did, he would throw her right into that river. He would rip her up, carry her in pieces, and put her back together when they were safe. It was dumb, of course he wouldn’t leave her behind.

The look in his eyes said he knew she’d thought it.

“If we’re lucky, the newborns are fifteen minutes away from us.” He growled. “We’re spendin’ too much time standin’ still. So are we goin’?”

Bella gulped and cringed in pain, both from failing so badly and being without a limb. She didn’t have the energy to spare reattaching her arm, so instead it stayed safe in Peter’s grasp. She would have quite a scar when she finally got it back.

She couldn’t leave Jasper. But she had to. This was impossible, she couldn't make herself decide. After all this, she couldn’t just let him go.

But she had to. It was run or die.

I forgive you if you choose not to do this. No matter what, I will always forgive you.

“Okay…” She whispered. Peter nodded and turned back to the river. The current headed in the opposite direction of the way they were heading, which would hopefully disguise their scent more.

“Oh no wait!” Bella gasped.

Peter snarled and zipped over to her, hands back on her shoulders. “What?! What else could possibly be more important than our survival right now?!”

“Hold on! Hold on…” She evaded Peter’s grasp. “I have to raise my shield for a second.”

“What? Are you crazy?!”

“Just to give Anton a glimpse!” She rubbed at the pulsing pain in her spine. “So he doesn’t decide it would be a better idea to track Jasper again. He thinks it’s an effort to shield myself - remember? He needs to think I might slip up.”

Peter let out a short growl, his nostrils flared. “Fine.” He said. “But make it quick.”

“So quick!” She reassured and closed her eyes. The panic of their escape was still pulsing through her still veins. It was a struggle to find the control within her to wrench that shield back off her head and up in the air. The pulse doubled in strength and speed. She waited one second, then two seconds, then dropped it like a guillotine.

“Okay. Let’s go!”

“Woman , yer gonna give me apoplexy.”

Despite the urge to leap straight into the river, they slowly and smoothly lowered themselves in to avoid tell tale splashes. They directed themselves right to the bottom of the river bed and started to swim, weaving through the various flora that lived there carefully enough not to damage it. They had to disappear without a trace, that was the only way to get out of there.

They swam about an hour north through the Colorado river, until it started to veer west again. There they pulled themselves free of the current and climbed on to the river banks. Bella’s heavy woolen skirt was so waterlogged it was warping and trying to drag itself off her body. Unwilling to deal with such an inconvenience, she ripped it off and shredded it into a thousand pieces, then deposited them back into the river. Her petticoats would dry quickly in the sun.

Peter was in a similar state of disarray to her. His blonde curls spread wildly around his head like a halo where he’d run his hands through them, sopping wet and frizzing where they dried. His shirt was completely shredded, hanging off his arms and torso to show the pale skin and bite marks underneath. Looking down at herself, Bella realised hers was much the same.

She squeezed the excess water out of her hair and with a nod they set off east, towards Dallas. They were finally out of newborn territory. This area was most likely claimed by some warlord or another, but there were no markers and no sound or smell of another vampire for miles around. Bella saw some actual wildlife for the first time in months. With Peter’s silent blessing she took down two deer and finally had enough blood in her to reattach her arm.

All limbs attached, they ran with slightly more optimism than before; although what they left behind still weighed on them.

Peter spoke in the silence for the first time since they jumped in the river.

“I believe this is the farthest north I’ve ever been.”

“Really?” Bella smiled. “I have a feeling you’ll have to get used to the North for a while.”

“Yeah…” Peter grimaced. “I’m sure as hell not comin’ back here for a while.”

Bella tried not to let her emotions show on her face. She would be back. The second Peter was safe and distracted, she would run straight back to Maria’s camp and pluck Jasper out. There would be no slow going, no quietly trying to convince him. She would go in the dead of night, grab him and run. If she died, she died.

She just couldn’t leave him there. He had buried himself deep into her soul, running away from him felt like ripping a part away.

I could not bear it if harm came to you because of me.

It was once they got about level with Dallas that they slowed down and realised the hole in their plan. They were trying to find Garrett and Kate, simple in concept. But that meant Bella was trying to sniff out two vampires that Peter wouldn’t recognise. Two vampires that were being fairly cautious with their tracks so that they wouldn’t have issues with the warlords. Everyone was expecting Bella to have thought this out more. They were expecting her to have a date and a time to run so that they could meet her and support her. This was all a giant mess and now she and Peter were wandering in the wilderness around Dallas trying to sniff out a needle in a giant haystack.

Peter finally responded to her rising panic. “Keep it together, Bells.”

“Oh God, but I can’t find them! What if I can’t find them?”

“Then we’ll just head to Kansas without them.” Peter frowned and stroked her hair away from her face, dried but disgusting from the river bed. “It’s okay, Bells. This is the negotiable part of the plan.”

“Yeah, but it isn’t…” Bella groaned. “Or I guess it is… I just… I really feel like I need backup right now. Y’know? It feels vulnerable with just the two of us and I’m worried about leading anyone straight to Carlisle and it’s just stressful and I need someone who knows what they’re doing!”

Peter just stared bemused at her as she continued to rant.

“... not that you don’t know what you’re doing! Although you don’t really know any more than me. The leading the newborns away thing was a really smart move though. But I don’t feel like I have any clue and I know I’m twenty three but I'm also sort of five and I feel like I need someone way older to just take this shitstack of a situation out of my hands and fix it. I just need someone to fix it!”

“Okay!” Peter interjected. “Okay, Bells… it’s alright. It’s all gonna be alright.” He pulled her into a hug and stroked soothing lines into her back. “This is a stressful situation, you’re right. But we’re gonna think it through, we’re gonna make a plan, and we’re not gonna freak out. Okay?”

“Okay…” She whined into his shoulder.

So please, dear Bella. Please don’t go.

“Now.” Peter pulled her back to look at her properly. “They say they’re in Dallas. Maybe they’re in the city proper? Let’s look there.”

“Peter we’re in rags.” Bella smiled sadly. “It looks like we’ve been attacked, the sheriff would pick us up. And besides.” She pointed up to the midday sun beating down on them, sending beams of light shooting off her skin. “We’re kinda conspicuous.”

“True…” Peter chuckled. “I’m not used to havin’ to play human. Okay… so we wait ‘til nightfall? No.. we can’t stay in one place that long… Err, how about…”

Bella had stopped paying attention. She was focussed on a strange sight behind him, one she wasn’t expecting to see, hadn’t expected to see ever again.

A girl, swamped in a large cloak and puffy dress. Her large uninterested eyes peeked out from the oversized hood, her hands grasping at nothing, her feet floating a foot from the floor. She was transparent enough for Bella to see the trees through her.

Selina. The girl who had brought her here.

Bella poked Peter in the shoulder, interrupting him mid ramble, and pointed towards the tiny time traveller. “Do you see that?”

He frowned. “See what?”

“That girl, over there.”

Peter whirled around like he was expecting an attacker, but slowed and raised an eyebrow.

“No Bells, I don’t see anyone. What do you see?”

“Err… I’m not sure…” She would explain later, when she could use context.

Bella crept closer to the spectre. The last time she saw her was back in Montana, when she had first arrived. She hadn’t stayed visible for long enough to communicate, but seemed to be lingering this time.

Selina watched her come closer, her expression never wavering. Then, after a moment, she closed her eyes and pointed to their left.

“What?” Bella whispered. “Where are you pointing?”

Selina rolled her eyes (the first expression of emotion Bella had ever seen from her) and pointed again. Over there.

“Is that…” Bella turned to the direction she was being pointed to and then back to the girl. “Is that where I need to go? Is that where Kate and Garrett are?”

Selina stared at her like she wouldn’t care if she dropped dead. Then rolled her eyes again and gave one stiff nod. Bella beamed, but before she could try to thank her the girl disappeared without a trace.

She turned back to Peter, who was looking at her like she’d grown a third head.

“I know where to go.” She grinned.

“You do…?”

“Yes!” She couldn’t stop her elation, or the relieved grin on her face. “It’s this way!”

Just stay safe and wait for me.

They never would have found Kate and Garrett on their own. Selina’s directions involved them doubling back on themselves and going directly south of Dallas, a direction they hadn’t thought to go in. Peter grumbled, wanting an explanation he wouldn’t get. But even he shut up when after twenty minutes of running in a straight line, they finally came across the scent of two vampires.

Peter came to a halt and breathed deeply. “That them, Bells?”

“Yeah!” She gasped. “Yeah yeah yeah! That’s them!”

The scent was fairly fresh, perhaps an hour old, so they hunted around until they found the couple’s trail and followed it.

The forest thinned out to a tiny wood cabin, falling apart to the point where it would hardly give shelter from the rain. They could hear murmuring from within, there were two people in there.

Just wait for me.

- Jasper

Bella was too excited to hold back. “Kate!”

There was a thud and a pause. “... Bella?”

The cabin door swung open and a head of brilliant blonde hair peaked out. Kate gleamed in the sunshine and set out in a run, sprinting before her cousin and clasping her cheeks in her palms.

“Oh thank the Lord you’re alright!” She gasped.

She turned Bella’s head this way and that, assessing the damage. Then she moved to her shoulders and arms, right the way down to her legs, barely covered by the slits in her petticoats. Her quiet eyes took note of every scar, every injury, every rip, every mark. Her frown deepened and she looked like she was about to say something; but a grinning Garrett came running up behind her and swept them both into a hug.

“Little traveller! You’re intact!” He laughed. “And I see you brought company.”

He nodded to Peter, who lingered far behind them. Bella held out a hand, gesturing him to come closer.

“Peter.” She said. “This is Kate and Garrett, my cousins. You two, this is Peter.”

“Charmed.” Garrett smirked. “We have heard much about you.”

“And I you.” Peter murmured, not quite comfortable in this whole social interaction thing.

Kate gave him a passing smile, but had a bigger question on her mind. “Where’s Jasper?”

Everyone looked at Bella, who began to stammer under the pressure.

“Um… I…”

“We…” Peter thankfully stepped in for her. “Had to run quite unexpectedly. We were chased out and had to leave him behind.”

Kate gasped. “He’s not… he’s not dead is he?”

“No!” Bella tugged a hand through her knotted hair and only succeeded in getting it stuck. Now she had the relief of being with familiar people, the reality of the situation was hitting her. “Oh God I hope not. Oh shit he could be. Oh fucking shitting hell what the F-”

“Woah Bells!” Peter grasped the hand stuck in her mane and carefully extracted it from the knots. “You’re spiraling. He’s the Major. There’s no way he’s dead.”

“You really think Anton wouldn’t kill him?” She whispered.

He shrugged. “I don’t think he’d succeed.”

Bella bit her lip. Now that her trail was covered and the evening light was dwindling, the urge to turn straight around was stronger than ever.

“Bells.” Peter growled. “For the last time. You are not goin’ back.”

“How did you know-”

“I just had a feelin’ you were thinking about somethin’ stupid.”

“Bella, no! You absolutely can not go back.” Kate grasped Bella’s hands and pulled them to her chest. “No, darling please no. You’ve been ripped apart and put back together enough as it is. You can’t go back. Please don’t do that to us.”

“You don’t understand…” Bella whispered.

“I know you want to get Jasper back…” Kate replied. “I understand, darling. I do. But I am sure you have done enough for him to get himself out. I’m certain you have given him the will to escape.”

“There’s no way. You haven’t felt Maria’s gift. It’s impossible to resist.”

“Maria has a gift?”

“It makes you feel as if you’re in love with her.” Peter said. “You can’t even tell when she puts it on ya, feels so natural. It can make you forget what you were doin’, what you were thinkin’, who you really care for.”

“See!” Bella gasped. “He’ll never get out on his own! And that’s not all! I… I let my bag behind…”

Kate and Garrett both gasped, their eyes wide.

“With everything in it?!”

Bella nodded, Peter grumbled.

“What the hell is it with you folks and this damn bag?”

The couple ignored him.

“Sweet girl, it’s quite a loss. But nothing compared to your life.”

“Aren’t I doing the universe a disservice or something by leaving it? What if someone goes through it?”

“Well the universe will just have to cope, darling.”

Peter groaned. “What the hell is happenin’?”

Garrett darkly chuckled and reached around the girls to clap him on the back. “I find it’s easier to just let them talk when they get like this, friend. Now, exactly how far behind you do you think this army is?”

With Peter led away and distracted, Kate brought her tone back down to a whisper. “How much does he know?”

“Barely anything,” Bella breathed back. “The camp was too much, I couldn’t risk him reacting badly and drawing attention.”

“Understandable, darling.” Kate bit her lip. “I would want to go back too, if it were Garrett or one of my sisters… or you, in fact. But you can’t. They will be on guard and if he cares for you I doubt he will be let out of that witch’s sight.”

Bella screwed her eyes shut and huffed out a breath. This was exactly what she was scared of. Now that she was surrounded by family, she would be ushered up North and wrapped in cotton wool. She would soften back into the little girl she usually was and then she’d be absolutely useless when she did manage to convince them to let her go back. If she ever did.

“Please, Kate. I can’t leave him.”

“I know, sweetheart.” Kate drew her into a tight hug. “I know…”

Bella let herself snuggle into her embrace for a moment, breathing in that smell of home. It was the scent that clung to all the letters lovingly left for her in the post office. Floral and cotton fresh. Kate had been that one little hint of home in the camp. That one essence of who she was supposed to be outside of it. She never expected to be finally reunited with her and yet still be tied to that God forsaken place.

“Well it looks like we’ve got ourselves a plan!” Garrett announced, leading Peter back to them with a jovial arm swung around his shoulders. It appeared that despite Peter’s discomfort, Garrett had managed to win him over. “We run west to Colorado, climb Pike’s Peak, then jump off it and run south to Kansas.”

Kate raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Do you know how confusing someone tracking us would find that? By the time they even figure out what direction we’re headed in, we’ll be halfway to Canada.”

She opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by a twig breaking behind them. The group swung around and ducked into defensive crouches. Kate tried to pull Bella behind her, but she stood firm. She was just as strong as them.

The broken twig turned into footsteps, slowly but steadily coming towards them. A rumble began to form in Bella’s chest.

She struggled to stay still, as a tall man slowly came into view between the trees. His clothes were even more ripped than they had been before, his dirty blond hair blown back and windswept, his eyes bright red from feeding.

Jasper awkwardly stared back at the group and gingerly placed what he was holding on the ground. Bella’s satchel.

“You… left this.” He stupidly murmured.

They were silent for a moment, processing. Then Bella’s thoughts caught up with her and before she could reconsider she threw herself into his arms.

After a split second of hesitation, Jasper’s arms came up and wrapped around her torso, lifting her off the ground. One squeezed at her waist and the other held her head to his neck. He gently nuzzled into her hair and inhaled deeply at her jaw.

“I was worried.” He whispered. “I was so worried they’d kill you before I could find you.”

“We thought the same about you…” She replied, her words muffled by his shoulder.

Peter snorted behind her. “She wanted to turn back.”

Jasper grunted into her hair but didn’t move or let her go. “Idiot.”

Bella was content to just stay there in her newfound happy place. If she thought Kate smelled like home, Jasper was a whole different story. Being nestled in his chest felt like being back in the future, where his scent clung to everything, more complex and mixed than his now - but still him nonetheless. But it was more than that, he was every shared experience, every low moment he had dragged her out of. She was in his arms, so she was home.

He eventually relaxed his hold on her to lower her to the ground; releasing his left arm to quickly embrace Peter. The right still rested on the small of Bella’s back.

“Glad you’re alive, brother.” Peter laughed.

Jasper smirked. “Likewise.”

“We’re certainly happy about it!” Garrett drawled from behind the trio.

Bella snorted and turned Jasper to face the pair, their eyebrows were raised in a twin expression of disbelief. “Kate, Garret; this is Jasper. Jasper; Kate and Garrett.”

Jasper awkwardly cleared his throat. “From the letters.”

“Yes!” Kate said. “You read the letters?”

“Just one. That is actually how I knew where to find you, you mentioned Dallas in the one I read.”

“We had some real trouble,” said Peter. “I’m not even sure how we ended up in the right direction in the end. Bella did somethin’ strange.”

“That is hardly unheard of!” Garrett joked, but Kate frowned at her cousin.

Bella shook her head. “Don’t worry. I’ll talk to Carlisle about it.” She turned to Jasper, towering beside her. “So how did you find us in this spot specifically? Is anyone chasing you?”

He raised an eyebrow. “You think I would be standin’ here chattin’ if someone were followin’ me? No. In the confusion I took a group of newborns and declared I was checkin’ north. Then I headed up the safest route to Dallas from the camp, since I figured it would be the one your cousin takes; caught her scent and followed it here. I killed the newborns about twenty miles back.”

“So we’re okay?” Bella tentatively grinned. “We escaped?”

“So long as we keep movin’, I s’pose so,” He smirked. “So where next?”

“Pike’s Peak!” Garrett declared. “On our way to Kansas!”

“Ah! Scale the peak, jump off it and run east? Clever.”

Kate stared incredulously at both tacticians as if they were speaking Latin. “Well then! Since we are full of excellent ideas,” she wrapped an arm around Bella. “Let’s go home!”

Chapter Text

The trees whipped past the group of friends as they raced to Pike’s Peak. They had made good time thus far, running non stop under the cover of the forest. But now the forest was thinning and the sun was still high on the horizon. Garrett slowed in the front with his arm raised in warning.

“We should wait here!” He announced. “There are humans between us and the woodlands surrounding the mountain, we can’t risk exposure. Nightfall is only a few hours away.”

“That’s fine with me.” Kate linked her arm with Bella’s as they slowed to a walk. “It might be nice to have a moment of peace before all the hurry we will have in Kansas. Carlisle and Tanya have been preparing for a hasty exodus ever since you left, darling.”

Bella sighed. “I hate how much I’ve made you all suffer.”

“Don’t think of that.” The blonde tightened her arm. “Think only of the relief your father will feel when you are back in his arms again. Moments like that are worth a century of pain.”

Peter and Jasper had stopped too. Peter had settled to talk genially with Garrett, his earlier standoffishness forgotten. Jasper’s eyes were darting around him, his tense anxiety exuding out of him for everyone to feel.

“Is something wrong?” Garrett called to him.

“I don’t think I can relax until we’re out of the South.” He mumbled in reply. “But shouldn’t we be waitin’ for someone else? Aren’t you and Kate staying?”

Garrett frowned. “Why would we do that?”

“Well there’s someone else, isn’t there? The person Bella was lookin’ for in the first place.”

Bella froze. She thought Jasper had worked it out. Surely he must have known somewhere within himself, but looking at him she could see the doubt in his stance. He lacked confidence in his own convictions.

She opened her mouth to respond with something vague and placating, so she could tell him properly when they were home with Carlisle and he had time and space to react. But Garrett beat her to it.

"Who exactly did you think she was looking for, friend?" He responded to Jasper’s panicked glance with a raised eyebrow. “Our quest is over. You are the prize.”

Jasper tensed so hard his muscles practically creaked as he turned to stare at Bella. His mouth was ajar with questions, and Bella panicked.

“I’m kind of hungry!” She slipped her arm from Kate’s and took some cowardly steps backwards. “I’ll run around and see if there’s something to hunt.”

She took off before anyone had the chance to reply. A call of “don’t go too far!” followed her into the thicket.

There was very little wildlife that would tempt her. The human settlement nearby had scared off predators, so the majority of fauna that flourished around her were small mammals like rabbits and squirrels. Nothing particularly satisfying. Eventually she settled into just sitting still and watching them move around her.

Telling Peter and Jasper everything was terrifying. In a way she was more anxious about it than she had been about entering the camp in the first place. She had so much more to lose now. There was no abstract concept of a Jasper and Peter that she needed to rescue; she had them, they were hers. What if they didn’t believe her? What if she lost them?

“Bella?”

She flinched, so lost in thought that she hadn’t heard the footsteps behind her. Jasper was hovering between the trees again, looking like he didn’t know if he could take a step forward.

“Y’know what I’m looking forward to?” Bella blurted out. “Not having to spend all our time in forests anymore.”

Jasper looked at her like she’d grown another head, then snorted. “I gotta say I never thought about it.”

Bella grinned. “Well think about it now. Houses, clothes, bathing! I haven’t felt clean for months.”

He finally moved and sat beside her. “Months? Try years. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt clean.”

“But you will soon.” She bumped his shoulder with hers. “You can wash your hair, wear boots that are watertight, clothes that fit and have all the buttons. You can look at your reflection and see what you really look like. I’m excited about it for you.”

“I almost prefer not to know.” He smirked. “What if I’m not happy with what I see?”

She eyed his handsome profile and couldn’t help but speak. “I think you will be.”

He smiled but didn’t say anything, his gaze locked on his hands. “So you were lookin’ for me, huh?”

Ah, so she hadn’t managed to distract him from it. “Yeah. You and Peter.”

She wasn’t sure how he would react, but certainly wasn’t ready for it. He took a deep shuddering breath and his head fell into his hands, his shoulders shook as he steadied himself.

“You hopped from army to army, putting your life in insane danger… Searchin’ for us?”

Oh...

“Um, no. No, I didn’t.” She reassured him. “That was just a story, I already knew where you were.”

“...How? Why?” He lifted his head and scrunched his nose. “Have you even met Johan?”

She couldn’t help but laugh at the completely left field question. “No. Did you really think I was the revenge type?”

He grimaced. “Well not really, no.”

Bella let them lapse back into silence, trying to figure out what she could tell him that wouldn’t mess everything up. He would find out eventually, in the next day most likely, but this was impossible to justify without explaining the time travel.

He turned, his eyes bore into her. “Why? Why would you risk everythin’ to save me? You didn’t even know me.”

She swallowed the nervous venom in her throat and didn’t answer. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes.” He answered too quickly. “I shouldn’t, but… I s’pose I can’t help it.”

“Then can you wait for me to answer that? I will tell you, I swear. I just need Carlisle. Can you wait a day or two?”

He held her gaze a moment more. Part of his reaction was just freaking her out. She was ready for anger, or disbelief. She was ready for him to completely reject her and run off if she didn’t tell him everything. She had a feeling Peter might still do that. But Jasper was sad . He wasn’t angry, he was distressed. It was strange and it was disarming.

“Of course.” He finally whispered. “Just one more promise?”

“Mm?”

“Don’t do it again.” He gulped. “If you’re the type to rush off and risk your life for total strangers, at least take me with you. Don’t… don’t kill yourself without letting me try to save you.”

There was that distress again. His hands were shaking, his eyes shining. She couldn’t help but reach over and cover his clasping fingers with hers, squeeze them until they stopped trembling.

“Of course.” She echoed. “I don’t plan on leaving you any time soon. Or ever, if you want.”

He nodded and returned the squeeze of their hands. “I want.”

The heavy anxious feeling in her stomach let up and was replaced by a warm calm that stretched around her shoulders and tickled her cheeks. Jasper had his eyes closed and was breathing deeply.

“This is always a hard one to summon up.” He whispered.

She smiled and shuffled closer to him. “It’ll get easier. I promise.”

They stayed until the sun dipped and painted the sky in reds and oranges, then picked themselves up and returned to their friends; ready to go home.

Pike’s Peak towered high above the other hills, its view over them was filled with lush grass and dense woodland.

“It’s very green isn’t it.” Said Peter.

“Appears that way.” Jasper replied.

“Okay!” Garrett peered over the crest of the mountain towards the West. “We should all jump in slightly different directions and meet in the middle a few miles out.”

Kate sighed from her spot beside Bella. “I feel you are just overcomplicating at this point, love.”

“There might be an army chasing us and I’d rather you not learn what it feels like to lose a limb, dearest.” He replied without looking back. His mate huffed and rolled her eyes.

“Fine!” She called. “Why don’t you boys jump down first? Bella and I will follow in a few minutes.”

Garrett turned to give her a suspicious look, as did Bella. A few minutes delay would do literally nothing to disguise their scents.

The nomad eventually shrugged and gestured for Jasper and Peter to follow him. They leapt off the cliff at varying angles and landed on the ground far below.

Bella glared at her cousin. “Kate... Why are you being weird?”

She simply smiled. “He’s very handsome, isn’t he?”

“Who?”

“Jasper!”

Bella let out an awkward laugh. “We’re vampires, aren’t we all handsome?”

“You might be surprised.” Kate grinned. “Different things are attractive in different times and some men end up looking very unfortunate for it. Your Jasper is lucky he has that timeless handsome face. And there was a time when tall men were not appreciated, you know.”

“He’s not my Jasper!” Bella protested, pulling away and making her way towards the cliff.

“Whether he is or not…” Kate smiled gently. “You must admit he is very handsome, surely.”

“Sure.” Bella sighed and nodded. “I admit that he is handsome. As is Peter, and Garrett, and you . Can we go now?”

Kate nodded. “Gather your skirts in your hand so you don’t find yourself exposed on the way down.”

Bella snorted at the image of their skirts ballooning under them like parachutes and did as she was told. They jumped, and hurtled through the air towards the boys. They landed facing west, and ran to Kansas.

Bella’s dead heart wanted to thrum in her chest when she started to see trees and landmarks she recognised. They had run through the night and the early morning mist was settled over the ground. The world was obscured in a hazy grey and Bella almost felt as if she was dreaming. She was almost home, so close to home.

Minute after agonising minute, she counted, until the mist cleared and a quaint, wooden house with a wrap around porch swam into view. The sight of the house where Bella had felt so safe made her chest swell and her eyes well up in joy, but what brought her the most happiness was the sight of a willowy blonde man peering out back at her.

“Bella?” He called.

“Carlisle!” She shouted back and sprang into a sprint.

His face stretched into a grin and he leapt out to meet her half way. She was well aware of the loud crash when their bodies collided but it didn’t matter because she was in her father’s arms again. She was warm and she was loved and she was safe.

“Oh thank the Lord.” He murmured into her filthy hair. “Thank heavens you’re alive.”

She couldn’t have moved even if she wanted to. He held her tight as if she would fly away if not for his grip on her shoulders.

“I’m sorry I scared you…” She whispered into his chest. “I’m sorry this has been so hard.”

“You never ever need to apologise to me.” He replied and finally pulled back.

He cast his assessing eye over her, completely ignoring everyone else. There was only so much he could see through her clothing, but the arm that had been severed at the elbow had lost its sleeve. Though she was whole again; there was a thick jagged scar where her arm had split, along with a bite mark underneath. Carlisle traced his fingers over it, his face contorted in pain. He looked as if he might sob, but Bella clutched at his upper arms and shook him slightly.

“There’s people for you to meet!” She whispered, and turned to guide him towards the men she had risked herself to find.

Carlisle’s eyes turned intense, his hand tightened on Bella’s. The boys looked unsure, Jasper especially; he must have been getting an awful cocktail of emotions from her sire. He exchanged a look with Peter, who stepped forward with a grim look on his face.

“I’m sorry, sir.” He said, surprising everyone. “I understand it was us that Bella did this for. I am sorry she got hurt in the process.”

Carlisle’s grip loosened. Perhaps he needed to hear that.

“I suppose there was no stopping it.” He murmured. “Peter, correct?”

Peter nodded and stepped forward to offer a hand to shake. Carlisle, as the proper English gentleman he was, accepted it with grace. Peter, with his superior intuition, just seemed to know how to handle him.

“It is good to finally meet you, son.” Carlisle said. “Your friendship with my daughter gave me considerable comfort. I have heard a lot about you.”

“And we you.” Peter’s signature smirk finally came out. “Bells never stops talkin’ about her coven. We had to see what all the fuss was about.”

“Well I hope we live up to expectations.” Carlisle turned to Jasper, who was hanging back behind Peter, avoiding looking at everyone. “And you succeeded in bringing Jasper with you too. I understand you were the difficult one.”

Jasper lifted shy eyes from the ground. “My apologies.”

Bella dug her elbow into her father’s side, silently insisting he stop hazing the poor man.

Carlisle rested a placating hand between her shoulder blades and extended his right one towards the soldier. “No need. It is good to have you with us.”

Bella grinned and soaked in the scene she had daydreamed of for so long as Jasper gratefully accepted the offered handshake. Everyone she loved was finally in one place.

“Bella!”

Soft hands spun her around and she fell into Tanya’s embrace.

“Look at you!” She squealed. “You’re alive! You’re intact! You escaped with your boys! You…” Her face dropped. “You smell different.”

“I’m filthy!” Bella laughed.

“No, not like that.” Tanya searched Bella; unafraid of looking under her clothing, fingering around the rips and stains in her shirt to find her various scars and injuries. “You were bitten. They marked you.”

Bella sighed. “It’s okay, Tanya.”

“No it isn’t Bella! This is permanent!”

Bella gripped the panicking woman’s hands. “It was unavoidable.”

“But it will never go away!” Tanya gasped out. “That horrible place will follow you until someone else marks you very thoroughly, and I assume that since your mate never did before he was not willing!”

That was a good point. Marking was an animalistic, instinctive action. It appealed to their baser nature as monsters and Edward shied away from it like the plague. Rose and Emmett had marked each other, Carlisle had marked Esme; but they just didn’t. It wasn’t a big deal, Jasper and Alice never marked each other either: although Jasper had certainly already been marked.

He had always smelled complicated to her, not that she ever thought too hard about it. In her innocence, she never fully grasped the idea that his scent was layered with the countless vampires that had ripped at his flesh, every bite had altered him at the molecular level. He held a piece of every fight he had ever fought. And now, thanks to the wars, she did too.

“I should never have let you go!” Tanya pulled Bella down into another hug, holding her like she would protect her from the world, despite being a few inches shorter than her.

Carlisle eventually caught their attention. “We have to go. The house in Canada is already prepared - Tanya, are you packed?”

She pulled away and heaved a sigh. “Yes. Allow me to gather our research and we can be off.”

“Canada, huh?” Peter smirked.

“Looks like you’re going as far north as possible.” Bella grinned at him, then turned back to her frazzled father.

“Can we go through Montana?” She asked. “There’s something I need to do.”

Chapter Text

It was strange to be back here, at the spot her home used to be. Or will be. Or never will be again. It was here that they took her after they fought off the newborn army, where they won the battle but not the war. Victoria was dead but she still got her revenge. Bella was torn from her family before her time and whisked away to turn far away in the Montana forest.

Always forests. She was sick of forests.

It was easy to find the tree, she had an awful habit of getting emotionally attached to trees. The ground beneath it was still soft, grass was just beginning to cover the spot she had uncovered. Nature was trying to take it over in the summer sun.

She dropped to her knees and opened up the hole she had dug all those months before. There she unearthed a heavy metal box, with a thick lid locked with a keypad. It felt strange to hold something so openly from the future, so square, precise and impersonal. She tapped in the code and the mechanism unlocked with a click. There inside were her memories, memories of things still to come.

She hovered over the keepsakes and quickly checked them for any damage. It was fine, the thick box had held tight. She started to search through the box for the book she was looking for then and there, but then paused. She really didn't want to rebury the box. She was safe now, she wanted the memories with her; she wanted to feel like herself again. But the box was too big to carry in her satchel, and it was too conspicuous to carry by the boys without being questioned. After a moment’s thought she decided to take the risk.

She replaced everything neatly and safely and slid the lid shut. The book would be safer in there, she would get it out when they got to the house. Then she ripped a large strip off the hem of her already ragged petticoat and wrapped it around the box; just disguising it enough that the telltale keypad was completely hidden. Nothing could disguise the distinct smell of heavy metal though.

Peter caught on to the deception as soon as she caught back up to them at the Canadian border. “What’s that?”

“I’ll tell you later.”

He rose an eyebrow. She had roused his suspicion by insisting they leave her behind. He clearly wasn’t planning on letting it go anymore.

“You’d better.”

The new house was a few miles outside of Winnipeg, close enough that the sisters could sample the society they had been missing for so long, but far enough that if Carlisle decided not to stay they wouldn’t garner too much suspicion. On the run up there, Tanya had been trying to convince Garrett and Kate to stay with them, at least for a little while. The two looked conflicted.

Irina still wasn’t with them, something that scared Bella shitless. But she was told over and over not to worry, that Irina could handle herself and knew exactly where to go when she came home to an empty house. Yet she couldn’t help but stress.

However, a decent chunk of that melted away when they arrived at a handsome stone house, with large windows and clearly enough space for the whole expanded coven. Bella heaved a sigh of relief as she stepped through the heavy front door, in the haste of leaving the last house, she never walked inside. She hadn’t been indoors since December, five months ago.

It was still bright indoors. Light bounced around the white walls up the tall ceilings. The entryway featured a large staircase to the floors above, while the reception rooms to the left and right had wide stone fireplaces. A passage led down a little set of stairs to a kitchen in the back. The house was barely furnished, there was a sofa here and there and a table and chairs in the dining room. But other than that, everything was in boxes.

Tanya wasted no time setting large vats of water to heat on the stove and all the fireplaces.

“I think some vigorous baths are in order.” She smiled, eyeing Bella and the new additions.

“Oh God, yes please!” Bella laughed, self consciously picking at the dried mud in her matted hair.

Jasper joined in and assented that yes, it would be nice to be clean again. Peter was not so enthused.

“I’ll wait,” he muttered. His eyes were on the ornate ceiling, darting each way and that as if an assailant could be hiding in the crown moulding. “I would rather find out what y’all know that I don’t, first.”

Bella winced. “Can I please bathe first? I’ve felt disgusting for months.”

He snorted. “Sure. I’ll set territory lines while you preen.”

The sisters eyed each other as Garrett offered to help, territory lines had never been something they bothered with.

The baths were quickly filled. Jasper insisted on helping haul water despite it obviously being unnecessary, but he’d been totally confused by the stove.

Bella was hustled into an airy dressing room and saw herself in the mirror for the first time in months. The first thing she noticed was the orange eyes, almost glowing in their strangeness, so different from her usual butterscotch. No one had mentioned them, and Kate tactfully avoided looking at them in the mirror. One day soon they would fade, she reassured herself.

The scars were a different story, every family member had grasped her and catalogued all the ones they could see. She stripped off the remains of her mangled blouse and took stock in her chemise. There were two at her neck, but they had always been there. One ragged and violent from Victoria, intended to kill. One clinical and careful from Carlisle, intended to turn. That scar was barely visible, practice allowed him to pump the venom in without digging too deep.

The one from James was still there, on her left wrist, but now it was joined by half a dozen others. Four on her forearm, one on the top of her shoulder, one on the underside of her upper arm. A thick, jagged scar looped around her elbow; from the loss and delayed replacement of her forearm the day before. Another one, thinner but still visible, looped at the socket of her shoulder; from the day she first tasted human blood.

There were only two bites marring her right arm, so the left was officially the bad one. There was one scar peaking through the broken bones in her corset, and one on her shin. They would be there forever, but it could have been much worse.

That clearly didn’t comfort the sisters, their jaws clenched and eyes watered every time they looked over to her. Bella decided not to let it hamper her joy as she sat in the hot bath and used an inordinate amount of soap to strip the grime off her skin. She scrubbed the algae from her thick hair and picked the dried mud and venom out from under her nails. Tanya helped in the end, when Bella’s thick hair was waterlogged and it became difficult to differentiate the dirt from her dark brown locks.

Finally clean and out of the bath, Bella dried herself and dressed in a new chemise, corset and a simple navy dress; all soft, fresh, and perfectly her size. Irina’s scent drifted up from them and Bella’s heart swelled at the care. Tanya lovingly wove her damp hair into a french braid and clutched her to her side as they descended the stairs together.

Carlisle was leaning against the mantle in the sparse dining room, he beamed when he saw her.

“There’s my girl. Do you feel like yourself again?”

She grinned back. As strange and almost vain as it seemed, she did feel like herself again. The blood, venom and filth that had clung to her like a second skin were a constant reminder of the atrocities of the camp. A part of her felt like they went down the drain along with the dirty water.

There was a bang from upstairs.

"Jasper. If you keep resisting, I will be forced to hold you down!”

Carlisle smirked. “He came downstairs with his hair unscrubbed and shirt incorrectly buttoned. Kate insisted he do it properly or not at all.”

“He hasn’t had a proper bath since the 1860s,” said Bella, “he might not know how.”

Carlisle’s smirk faded into a look of sympathy. “Well he will now... and I believe being manhandled by Kate is initiation enough for this family.”

“And you’re okay with that?” Bella asked. “Him being in the family? I never really asked you.”

“I don’t know him,” said Carlisle, “but I know who he will be, and I like that man well enough. Besides, you have love for him, and he clearly does for you. That is more than enough for me. The same goes for Peter too, of course.”

“I’m so excited for you to get to know them.” She sighed, relieved.

“Me too." He smiled. “Now, have you thought about how we will tell them?”

Bella groaned and turned to fetch her safebox and satchel from where they sat beside the front door; the box still wrapped in her ragged petticoat. Carlisle’s eyes bugged out of his head when he saw the keypad, then grinned in amazement at the inhuman beeps as she tapped in the keycode. It never occurred to her that he had probably never heard that noise before.

Tanya got a peak at the photos inside and shooed the man away.

“You don’t want to ruin a lifetime of surprises!” She insisted. “... But surely I can look, darling?”

Bella shrugged and let her. It was nice to have someone to share these things with, although she had a feeling Jasper and Peter weren’t going to let her hide much from them when they found out.

Tanya ooh’d and ahhh’d at the glimpses she got at pictures as Bella rummaged through them. She was looking for a thin leather bound book, one that usually lived on the bookcase in Alice and Jasper's room. Alice had shown it to her just before she met Peter and Charlotte for the first time. It held pictures of all their times together, from the 1940s onwards.

She found the book and flipped through it until she spotted the photograph she was looking for. It was black and white, a little ragged and faded with age. It showed Peter and Jasper smiling in the back of a bar. The lighting was low and a pool table visible behind them where they stood; there was a dainty cream elbow resting on it that must have been Charlotte’s. They wore white shirts, tucked casually into dark slacks and suspenders that should have been covered by jackets stretched over their strong shoulders.

When she flipped it over, she smiled too. ‘Alice tests her new camera, 1948’ was written on the back in Jasper's handwriting. Of course he felt the need to label it. She wasn't surprised that Alice knew she would need this photo. Her sister didn't need to see the future to know what was going to happen.

“Oh…” Tanya softly traced Peter’s smiling, much more heavily scarred face. “Darling, look what you saved him from.”

It was difficult to see in the photograph, but Tanya was right. Peter was scarred even up his jaw and cheeks, much worse than Jasper ever was. Jasper directed troops, he was second in command. Peter never stopped being a dogsbody; he was in the line of fire until the day he escaped. Yes, Bella realised, she had saved him from a lot. She just hoped he would keep that in mind when she revealed how much she’d kept from him.

She slid the remaining pictures back in the box and went to seal the lid shut; but before she did, sunlight glinted off the bracelet Alice had given her and she couldn’t help but fish it out, along with Rose’s necklace. They most likely had some metal or jewel that was impossible to get in the 1800’s, or some method of making them that was only possible after some machine was invented. It didn’t stop her hooking them around her wrist and neck. None of that mattered, she needed her sisters with her.

Carlisle had the papers she had left behind organised on the dining table. All the letters from her family were on one side, Jasper’s pile of instructions on the other. The edges were dogeared from being thumbed through so often. He grinned when she passed him the photograph and greedily scanned every inch of it.

“1948…” He murmured. “How odd to think of… a time so far in the future, yet still so long before you will be born.”

Bella laughed humorlessly, the century between her and her birth was somewhat stressing her out.

He smiled like he sensed that. “Do you know what convinced me that you were telling the truth?”

“The recording?”

“Yes, obviously the recording and the letter were extremely compelling. But the evidence that had me truly convinced was your satchel.”

She snorted, but he looked completely sincere. She looked at the large brown bag on the floor. It was battered and well loved, but completely ordinary. “What about it?”

He turned and opened one of the large storage trunks behind him, out of it he pulled an almost identical bag. The leather was thick and rigid, not buttery soft like hers; the strap had clearly never been ripped and stitched back together; the gold lettering on the front was a brighter and crisper CC. It was the same satchel, just a century younger.

“I bought it a week before you found me.” He turned the bag and pointed to a blemish on the side. “It has an imperfection, and so does yours. It was such a small and specific detail, and you never mentioned it. I realised it couldn’t have been a deception.”

“If only I had something like that to convince them.”

He rested a hand on her despondent shoulder. “My point is that you most likely do. You are telling the truth, they will have noticed things you didn’t even think of yourself. Don’t be so nervous, sweet girl.”

Bella felt a gush of affection for her sire. “Thank you, for always being there for me.”

“Of course sweetheart,” He cupped her cheek. “Even if you weren’t everything I have always wanted, my venom runs through your veins - and that means something.”

Bella froze, images of a terrified green eyed girl flashed through her mind.

“Better now?”

Jasper was standing in the doorway. Carlisle and Tanya were commenting on his appearance, but she couldn't focus on it. Thoughts of copper hair and the taste of blood were washed away, because Jasper looked like himself again.

His skin had been scrubbed of all the dirt and grime that had been there so long it had probably sunk into his pores. She could see all his scars, she could count the ones she’d saved him from - well and truly saved him from. A grin spread across her lips as she realised that was nearly three quarters of them. His face was completely free of scars, soft and unblemished. The one over his eyebrow was nowhere to be seen.

Once she tore her eyes from his face, she could appreciate the rest. Kate had clearly tried to style his honey blonde hair the way Alice had in the wedding photo; but without industrial strength hair gel, it refused to comply. Drying golden locks were starting to wave around his ears and fall forward on his forehead. He wore a simple white shirt, a green satin tie and a crisp grey waistcoat with matching trousers and shiny boots. They fit him wonderfully, clearly not made for Carlisle’s slimmer frame. Irina must have made them specially.

When her eyes travelled back up to his face, he was grinning at her. She couldn’t help but beam back. For a second she was back in the Cullen house, he was mocking her for losing to Edward at chess again. ‘C’mon Bells, he can’t even read your mind!’ Edward was laughing as she played indignant, then Alice flitted in from behind him and plopped down on the couch beside her. Her head dropped onto Bella’s shoulder and tickled her ear. They would be proud of her, she realised.

“Happy?” Jasper asked.

She shook herself back to the present. “Very.”

She tried her best at sitting.

Carlisle had them all set out, sitting appropriately at the dining room table. He and Bella faced Jasper and a still filthy Peter with papers between them, like a job interview. A terrifying job interview.

Bella had only been able to stand it for a few minutes, she jumped from her chair and started to pace the room. That was better, she couldn’t feel their eyes on her so much.

“So you have somethin’ to tell us.” Peter finally broke the tense silence. “And I’m starting to get the feelin’ it’s pretty bad.”

“No, it’s not bad!” Bella interjected. “It’s not bad, it’s just kind of big. But just know that I never meant any harm, I never had any ulterior motives!”

Carlisle winced. Okay, that might have made it sound worse than it was.

Jasper stared at her like she grew another head. “The fuck did you do?”

Carlisle winced again.

“It’s not that I did anything…” She wrinkled her nose at the half truth. “Okay I did do stuff. But it was good stuff! Every dumb thing I ever did was for you!”

“Bella, it might be better to just tell them.” Carlisle interjected.

“Okay…” Bella took a deep, calming breath. "My name is Isabella Cullen, formerly Isabella Swan. I was born in Forks, Washington, and I did grow up in Phoenix, Arizona."

"... Okay?"

"It's just that... I wasn't born when I said I was."

Peter was frowning. "Okay... when were you born then?"

She tried to get the words out but it was like she couldn’t find the air. "God damn it, this is hard..."

"Bella, if you're older than you say then I don't see how that's a problem?" Jasper said.

"It's not that I'm older. I'm younger... sort of..."

“Bella…” Carlisle reached over to her and gently clasped her hand in this. “It will be alright.”

She swallowed down the monster inside her that was screaming to keep lying.

"I was born on September 13th, 1988. I was turned on July 10th, 2007. I'm from the future."

Silence. They didn’t say anything, just stared at her. She couldn’t read anything in their expressions but surprise and disbelief.

Peter was the first to speak again. “Apologies, but - what?”

“Have you heard of the Volturi?” She asked. They shook their heads no.

“The closest we have to a government,” Carlisle explained, “they maintain the secrecy and collect power to keep every other coven in line.”

“They got someone who can turn back time.” Said Bella. “It’s just a gift, like my shield or your empathy. There was a rebellion that they wanted stopped and because of my shield I was the only one they could send back.”

“So… you’re here to stop a rebellion?” Peter asked. “That’s why you broke me and Jasper out?”

“Wait - you believe me?”

“I didn’t say that. I’m just tryin’ to figure out what you’re trying to tell us. ‘Cause you told me a lot about how peaceful it is out here and the fact that you were actually recruitin’ me to another war-”

“No no no!” Bella exclaimed. “It’s not that! I went to get you because I know you!”

“You know me?”

“Jasper’s part of my coven in the future.”

Jasper had been staring into space in front of him, his eyes focused on nothing, but at that his head shot up to look directly at her.

“I am?”

“Perhaps show him the photograph, Bella?” Carlisle interjected.

Oh yeah, Bella had almost forgotten about the evidence.

She slid the polaroid of her, Carlisle, and Jasper towards him. He hovered his fingertips over it.

“The colour…” He whispered.

Peter glared at it. “Could be a painting.”

“Is it like any painting you’ve ever seen?” Jasper replied. Bella decided to take his sarcasm as a good sign.

She slid the other photo, of them in the 40’s, towards them. “I wasn’t born for this one.”

Peter raised an eyebrow. “That’s a lotta scars.”

“Yeah, I got you out of there a bit earlier than last time.”

“You did, huh?”

They lapsed back into an awkward silence. Bella’s mind felt wiped, she was so scared she couldn’t even think clearly. Jasper wasn’t calming her down for some reason.

Carlisle held the tape player out to her as a suggestion. She took it thankfully.

“What is that?” Peter asked as she fiddled turning the tape over to the B side.

“It’s a cassette tape player,” Carlisle explained, “you can record your voice on it and play it back later. My future self used it to send me a message - and yours did too, Jasper.”

“You’re not from the future?”

“No. Only Bella is.”

Bella pushed in the chunky play button and Jasper’s unmistakable southern drawl crackled through the speakers. Although it was softer than the one she had now gotten used to.

“My name’s Jasper Whitlock, although I also go by Jasper Hale. I’m recording this to provide evidence for Bella’s claims.

“This is an impossible thing to convince you of. I don’t envy Bella, although I wish desperately I could go in her place. It’s not just me, everyone wishes they could go instead. She is the baby, afterall.”

Bella clenched her teeth and tried not to think about not being the baby anymore.

“I’ll try to back up what she’s likely already told you. She’s Isabella Cullen, born of Charles and Renee Swan in Washington state. She was turned when she was eighteen by Carlisle Cullen, which in the year 2012 was five years ago.

“Now I s’pose I should tell you somethin’ only I would know. Hopefully it is my past self listening to this. It’s difficult to think of somethin’, a lot of things could have been found out. In 1886, which is hopefully the year you’re in, my family is still alive. Bella could’a just asked them.”

Jasper’s wide eyes shot up to hers, she tried to give him an encouraging little nod. Yes, his family was still alive.

The recording breathed a little awkward laugh, like he couldn’t believe he was saying this. “I lost my virginity the night before I left for the war - to Jane Able, the cobbler’s daughter. I felt so guilty I considered proposing on the spot. She would’a said no anyway, that girl could take her pick. I was terrified I would get a letter tellin’ me I was a father for a year afterwards. Didn’t calm down until I saw her again.

“Now I know you’ve never told anyone that, not even Maria. I’ve only ever told one person in a century and a half, and that was Alice.

“Mainly though, Jasper, if you are listenin’ to this - you know this girl ain’t lyin’. For one, she’s a terrible liar-” Peter snorted “-and second, you can feel her; she’s so genuine it’s like a breath of fresh air. Peter was your light in that camp, tell me Bella wasn’t too.

“I don’t have much time. I need to teach our girl to slaughter some newborns. If I did my job right, you recognised your own moves. I hope she doesn’t have to kill too many, I hope you protected her.”

His tone turned hard. “You’d better have protected her.

“That girl risked everythin’ for you. You owe her your life, so you better act like it. Peter too, if he’s listenin’, bastard better be good to her. Neither of you deserve her, and you never will.

“... And Peter better not be givin’ any trouble about this, I tried to call him for some evidence, but the fucker never answers his phone.

“...I gotta end the recordin’. You idiots better believe her. Goodbye, and stay safe Bells.”

The tape clicked off and left the room in silence.

After a few minutes in thought, Jasper spoke up; softly, as if to himself.

“That was me.”

“Seems that way,” said Peter.

Bella couldn’t take the tension, she was waiting for two people she loved to decide if she was telling the truth after all. She found herself shuffling again.

Jasper kept zoning out, lost in thought. But at her movement, his unfocused gaze snapped back to her again, and finally that heavy haze of fear was stripped away and an artificial warm calm took its place.

She sighed in relief, he gave her a tight smile in return.

Pete slapped his knees under the table. “Okay, let’s go into this. Let’s say you are tellin’ the truth, how well did you know me?”

“Not very, I only met you once.”

“But you knew Jasper?”

“Yeah,” she said, “Jasper was part of my coven. I knew him when I was still human, he helped with my newborn years, I lived with him for five years. We were family.”

She could have sworn Jasper winced a little, but it was gone before she could really see.

“Okay, Jas. Ask her some questions.”

Jasper finally spoke again. “Just because she lived with me doesn’t make her an expert on me.”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Sure...”

Jasper shook his head and sighed. “She’s tellin’ the truth. You know it, Pete.”

He exhaled, deep. “Fine. So this is what you were hidin’ from us, Bells.”

“Yeah.” Bella bit her lip. “You understand though, right?”

He ignored her question. “So you knew where we were because Jasper told you?”

She nodded. “He wrote me instructions.”

“Can we see them?”

“Um…” She glanced over at the tall stack of paper to Carlisle’s right. There was a lot of future knowledge in there and she wasn’t sure how much they could know. But she did have something else.

She rummaged through her satchel and brought out a battered and well loved sheet of paper, drawn on with pink gel pen. The flowchart Alice had made for her. “Here.”

Jasper frowned at the calligraphy. “I wrote this?”

“No. You remember my sister?”

“Yes, you mentioned one.”

“She read your instructions and turned them into a chart. You basically wrote a book.”

He flipped the chart and read the note on the other side, it had a signature Bella had reread over and over.

“Stay safe, I love you.
Alice Xx”

“Is this the same girl I mention in the cassette… thing?” He asked.

“Yes, she’s the same girl.”

“Does she exist right now?”

“Not for a while, no…”

The tension was echoing off Peter in waves. He was glaring at the flowchart in Jasper’s hands.

“So this is everythin’? Every single lie?”

“I mean…” Bella frowned. “I wasn’t trying to lie. I couldn’t tell you in the camp.”

“Bella.” He growled. "You sat there and promised you weren't hiding anything from me. You sat there and lied to my face after I promised to give up my whole life for you!"

Her eyes widened, part of her couldn’t believe she was actually getting the reaction she was scared of. Carlisle slowly rose out of his chair as if to defend her, even Jasper looked surprised.

Her voice rose to defend herself. "I had no way of knowing how you'd react! I didn't know if I had enough evidence to properly convince you back there. What if I didn't? You wouldn't have left with me and I couldn't risk that!"

"You should have fuckin' trusted me!"

He snarled and kicked his chair across the room, where it hit the wall and shattered. He turned and ran out of the house, the front door slammed so hard behind him that the stone walls rattled.

Bella started to go after him, but Carlisle stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.

“Let him calm down.” He murmured. “He will understand eventually.”

He turned his cool gaze down to Jasper, who was still sitting at the table. “Will you be joining him?”

The blond slowly looked up at him. “No. I understand why she didn’t tell us.”

Bella finally found it in her to smile. “You do?”

“Yeah.” He smirked a little at her. “I always knew you were lyin’ to me, remember? I finally know the whole story. Unless there’s somethin’ else?”

She frantically shook her head. “No! There’s nothing else!”

He nodded. “Good. I have more questions, but… could we go outside? I’m not used to…”

“...Walls?”

“Yeah, walls.”

They left Carlisle in the house and went out to find somewhere to talk out of earshot of the others. Eventually they came across a decent sized hill that gave a good view of the sun sinking below the trees. They stood still, staring at it for a moment.

“Carlisle seems to be a good man.” He said. “You’re lucky to have a sire who cares so deeply.”

She swallowed, those flashes of copper hair, papery skin and glazed green eyes plagued her again. “Do you know what her name was?”

He frowned at her. “Whose name?”

“The girl I turned.”

He gave her a look that was half amused and half sympathy. “Harriet. But you know you’re not obliged to be a good sire to a girl you were forced to turn.”

“Neither’s Carlisle…” Bella sighed. “But I won’t go back to get her, don’t worry.”

He chuckled. “I’m not worried. You wouldn’t dare, not when I have promises to my future self to keep.”

She breathed a laugh and let him think. He had a look in his eyes that said he was brimming with questions.

“When would I have escaped?” He asked. “Had you not come and rescued me?”

“1938.”

His eyebrows rose. “1938… I would have stayed there for another fifty years?”

He looked distraught, but she couldn’t lie to him again. “Yes.”

His nostrils flared and he stumbled backwards, disgust clear on his face. His head dropped to his hands. “I have never thought of myself a weak man before, but to think I would put up with that torment for fifty more years. I must be the weakest man alive.”

“Hey!” She took hold of his wrist and tugged it down. “You didn’t have my shield to take Maria’s influence off you, it must have taken so much strength to leave without it.”

“What let me escape in the end?”

“I’m not 100% sure.” She said. “You thought you knew the whole story in the future, but you didn’t know about Maria’s gift so you couldn’t have. You said she was sending you further out to manage far away territory, maybe her gift stopped working so well on you? Then Peter fell in love with one of the newborns and escaped; and three years later he came back and dragged you away with him.”

He snorted, some of his reservations dissipated. “Peter in love, what a notion. Are you gonna go break his girl out too?”

“I don’t intend on letting Maria take her in the first place.”

“You’ll kill Maria?”

“No…” She bit her lip, he could react negatively to this one. “I know how the wars will end this way. If we kill Maria, we don’t know who will rise up to take her place. It could be worse.”

“So we can never kill her?” He frowned. “She will never see justice?”

“Trust me, I want her dead too.” Bella did some math in her head. “Let’s say 1990. In 1990, we’ll pack up and kill her. Set her own newborns on her or something.”

“Did I never do it in your time?”

“You were in the wars for so long; I think you just craved peace.”

“Huh…” He stared down at his shoes. “I s’pose he’s a better man than me then.”

“Not better, just older.”

He smiled down at the ground, his hands hidden in his pockets. The sun was almost out of view, but the sky itself glowed with reds and oranges; they made him glow too.

He finally noticed her staring at him. “What is it? “

She felt the urge to flush at being caught, he smirked.

“I just…” She took a tentative step towards him and brushed some lint off his sharp collar. “I've been so scared for so long, but we did it. You're safe and you know everything, and you're here. You're where you're meant to be!”

He gazed into her eyes for a moment, then took her hand, bowed over it, and slowly kissed her knuckles. He lingered there, whispering over her wrist. “I'm meant to be with you.”

Her breath caught. They were still separated by a foot, but the cool breeze of his breath sent shivers up her arm all the way to her squeezing chest.

He straightened and lifted her palm to cradle it against his unbeating heart.

“I was wonderin’...” he whispered, “if we could pretend, for a moment, that I don’t know yet. Pretend that it’s not complicated yet…” His thumb stroked the back of her hand and he inched a little closer. “... If that’s okay?”

Bella bit her lip. There was a look in his eyes that said this was a situation she absolutely shouldn’t be in. But also, if she really thought about it; was totally inevitable.

She nodded.

“There is just somethin’ that I had been wantin’ to do, before I found out about all this.” He said, his other hand drawing up to cup her shoulder.

“What is it?”

He took a deep breath and closed the distance between them, the hand on her shoulder crept up to cup her jaw and tilt her head up towards his. He leant down and softly brushed his lips against hers, in a cautious, fleeting kiss.

He whispered against her lips. “Please tell me if I’m takin’ liberties…”

He was, but in that second she didn’t care. All conscious thought went out the window. She grasped the back of his neck and pulled his mouth back to hers. He let go of the hand held against his chest and she drew it up to hold on to his shoulder instead. He wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her closer, until every curve of her body pressed against his. The hand on her jaw moved back to tangle through her hair and pull it lightly in his palm.

She gasped as tingles raced down her scalp and he pulled back just a little.

“Thank you…” He murmured, his lips an inch away from hers. “I’ve been wantin’ to do that for weeks and just… needed to before I find out somethin’ that means I can’t anymore.”

Bella screwed her eyes shut to say what part of her really wished she didn’t have to. “I’m not lying about being married.”

He touched his forehead to hers. “God, but I wish you were.”

They stayed there for a little while; breathing each other's air, as close as they could be. But Jasper pulled back when it was time to return to reality.

“Okay.” He groaned, retreating to a safe distance. “Go on. Tell me I’m your brother or somethin’”

“Ew. No. You’re my…” Best friend’s husband. Bella realised with a start that she hadn’t thought about Jasper like that in a long time. “... you’re my husband’s adoptive brother. And my friend.”

“Your husband’s brother?” He frowned, his eyes unfocused. “Do I know him?”

“Not yet.” She gave a fake feeling smile. “He won't be around for a few years.”

“Is he born?”

She bit her lip and didn’t say anything.

“Bella…”

“He waited a hundred years for me…” She looked at him imploringly, begging him to understand. “I have to wait for him.”

“You must truly love him if you’re willing to do that.” He laughed darkly and raised a hand to clench at his hair. “And what kind of man would I be if I ruined that for you?”

"Please don't think you're ruining anything!” She gasped. “Please don't go!"

His brows pulled together at her distress; he heaved a breath and drew her back to him, tucking her head under his chin and squeezing her into his chest.

"Relax, Bella. How could I ever leave you?” He pressed his lips to her hair. “I knew you were married, I’m sorry for puttin' this on you.”

She laughed into his chest. “Don’t be.”

He laughed too, his face still resting in her hair. “I don’t have to act like your husband’s brother, do I?”

Truthfully, he didn’t. Somewhere along the line she had stopped wanting him to. The man holding her wasn't the same as the one she left in the future, her relationship with him wasn't the same. They couldn't be together romantically; he wasn't meant for her and she wasn't meant for him. But perhaps they could still enjoy this closeness. For now, at least, she was content to hold and be held by someone she loved. They could soak up that combined affection even if it couldn’t be romantic. She would stay close to him until she could bear to tear herself away.

And if that is the day she leaves to fetch Edward, so be it.

Peter came back three weeks later, his clothes ripped to shreds and eyes bright with blood. He kissed Bella’s knuckles and embraced her quickly, muttering, “I get it. I’m mad about it. But I get it.”. He then clapped Jasper on the back, shook Carlisle’s hand and finally accepted the bath that had been offered all that time before.

He was grumpy for a while. But they had plenty of time for forgiveness.

Chapter Text

1886. Peter.

Peter,

It is hard to know what to say to you, brother. I am so used to you predicting me that it’s strange to know something you don’t. 

I don’t know what circumstances you will be reading this letter in. Maybe you just escaped from the camp and the Cullens found you. Maybe you found them - I know better than to underestimate you. Perhaps B ella did the impossible, infiltrated the camp and broke you out. I did try to stop her, brother. She’s stubborn, you might already know that. 

It would be impossible for her to do that. I don’t dare hope for it. I hope you don’t blame her if she failed, or even if she didn’t try. It’s a huge thing to ask of her, as I’m sure you know. She has the world on her shoulders and I certainly don’t envy her. 

Please forgive her if she failed. Please forgive her for anything she has done. 

Care for her as I do. Protect her as I wish I could. We don’t deserve her, brother. We never will.

Stay safe with my eternal good wishes,
Jasper. 

Peter scoffed at his friend’s future self. The boy was right, of course. But did he really need to be so dramatic about it?

He tucked the letter safely into a chest with his other meagre belongings, deciding he would pester Bella about the postscript sometime later.  

ps. 10/18/1933 9pm - Billy’s Bar, Austen

1887. Jasper.

Jasper sat on the Winnipeg house roof, waiting for Bella and Peter to come back.

It was safe there, he knew this. They were the largest coven around for hundreds of miles, both of them could take care of themselves; they were only going to town for God’s sake! There was no point in worrying, no point in anxiously coming up with every single possibility that could end their outing with their deaths. 

Yet he couldn’t stop himself sitting on the roof and freaking out about the likelihood of their never coming home, and how it would be his fault for not protecting them.

Every negative emotion he sensed outside of the controlled environment of this house whipped him up into a frenzy. That’s why when they asked him if he wanted to go book shopping with them, he smiled and declined, they couldn’t know how badly it affected him. In town, he would feel every hint of aggression towards them, every drop of lust towards them. Bella could accidentally step on someone’s foot and he’d cause a massacre. 

He couldn’t help it, he was so used to the cold and the darkness being the norm that now he was surrounded by light all the time he found even the slightest bit of negativity impossible to take. He was simultaneously terrified that something would happen to the people he loved and also completely unable to control himself enough to protect them.

This was why he avoided love in the camp, this was why it was better not to grow attached to people. 

But it was worth it, for her. 

Lord did he love her. That girl who glowed gold every time she looked his way. 

They weren’t together, in a romantic sense; and they never could be, so she kept telling him. He had decided long ago not to think about the day that she would end whatever this was between them and go to another man. So he would savour everything he could take from her now and worry about the rest of his bleak life when the time came. 

He took what he could, but she was a good wife and he respected her limits. He was so in tune with her colours that he would know the second he overstepped. He did on occasion, at first, when his lips lingered over her knuckles a moment too long and the yellow flush of guilt clenched in her chest. He learned her limits like a pianist learns scales, with dedicated practice and beautiful results. Over the past year he’d practiced it into a dance, the perfect mixture of teasing and sincerity. 

She could pretend that she didn’t love him; could hide the smiles and the lingering glances, the touches of their hands, the way she gravitated towards him when she was sad or weary. But she couldn’t hide the gold, not from him.

She once told him that that golden feeling was for her sister, that he reminded her of family. But she lied. She talked about Alice now; she wore her jewelry, she showed him pictures. Alice coloured her in pinks and silvers; they fluttered around her heart and her shoulders, lifting her up and giving her courage. She didn’t feel golden.

When she looked at Carlisle she felt warm and secure, when she looked at Peter her heart lifted and she felt joy. They didn't make her feel golden. 

It wasn't just romantic love either. Garrett and Kate burned red when they thought of each other. They found exhilaration, they felt excited. On the rare occasion that Bella let herself think of Edward she yearned, she felt cold and empty; she faded to a lonesome grey. 

No, the gold was just for him. And it wasn’t just love; it was adoration, it was magnificent, and it was unique. He knew in his soul that she adored him as much as he adored her. 

He could have been upset, maybe angry with her; for refusing to be with him and glowing for him in the same breath. But he couldn’t.

Because he glowed too. 

1888. Bella.

“There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you about.” 

Jasper turned to her, a smirk on his sun dappled face. “Oh?”

“You know how you fought in the Civil War?”

He grinned and leant against a tree. “Yes Ma’am, youngest Major in the Texas Cavalry.” 

When he smiled like that, his dimples showed. His shirt was ripped by the wayward claws of a bear and his hair a mess from the wind. With the blush of fresh gold in his amber eyes and the exhilarated grin on his lips, Bella couldn’t help a huge rush of affection.

He cocked his head. “What is it?”

“Nothing.” She smirked. “You’re just cute.”

He wrinkled his nose at her and made her giggle. “You sap. What d’you want to know about my time in the war?”

“Well…” She joined his side as they wandered back home. “The Confederacy has a bit of a reputation in my time.”

“What kind of reputation?”

“That it’s pro slavery and against equal rights. The confederate flag is a massive racist symbol, but you’ve never seemed like the kind of person to be okay with that. So it’s confused me.” She winced, hoping he wouldn’t confirm that he in fact was a massive racist.

He frowned. “When they went ‘round all the towns recruitin’ for the war, they didn’t say a thing about slavery. It sounds bad, but we didn’t really care either way, none of us had slaves. It just wasn't somethin' we thought about. I fought to protect my family from Northern invaders, nothin’ else.”

“Oh phew!” She sighed. “That’s the problem with going back to the past, there’s every chance that all the people you care about would be awful by modern standards.”

“... That’s the only problem with goin’ to the past?”

“Shut up.”

He grinned and kept walking.

“Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to go back and talk to him.”

“Talk to who?”

“You. But the you I used to know…” She smiled almost apologetically. “Everyone wrote me a letter, but he basically wrote a book. Pages and pages about the camp and the wars and he planned for almost every contingency… yet it still went wrong. If he still exists in some universe somewhere, the curiosity is probably killing him. I wonder how he would react.”

He hummed and faced back forwards, eyes on the wildlife. “Do you miss him?”

“Sometimes.” She bumped his dejected shoulder. “But I think I would miss you more.”

1889. Bella.

Bella glared down at the metres of silk she had been buttoned into. “Really?”

Irina sighed. “Humour me, darling. You say I won’t be able to play with the bustles much longer, so I’m making the most of it while I still can!”

Bella grumbled. “I really can’t wait.”

"Bustles are wonderful and I will miss them forever!" Irina laughed. "When will anything so ridiculous be in fashion again? Do I have much to look forward to?"

"Not much that's this ridiculous, but you’ll enjoy the 60s and 70s." Bella fiddled with the off shoulder straps of her dress and all the adornments attached to it. “Is this really necessary? I feel like I’m going to break the bustle cage every time I sit down.”

Irina shrugged. “If you still can’t work it out despite years of instruction, then just don’t sit down. You’re a vampire, darling. You will manage. And besides!” She tweaked Bella’s hair. “I have a beautiful cousin and want to show her off at an assembly. Is that so wrong?”

Bella rolled her eyes at her cousin’s pleading look. “No…”

“Good!” Irina patted the stray hair into place and nodded at her work. “I hereby declare you perfect. Go join our boys while I finish.”

Bella rustled down the stairs to the drawing room, carefully holding her skirts up with her index finger and thumb - terrified that she’d rip them.

Jasper and Peter were waiting for her there, in identical dress suits and identical amused smirks. Jasper bowed theatrically, took her gloved hand in his and lifted it to his lips. It would have been awfully romantic if he weren’t obviously trying not to laugh.

She glared. “Stop it!”

He snorted. “What? You look wonderful.”

She couldn’t help a laugh bubbling up too. “Seriously, stop. I had no control over this!”

“I have to compliment you if I’m to reserve the first dance! You will be the most sought after lady in the room after all!”

“If you think I can’t kick your ass in a bustle cage, you are sorely mistaken.”

1890. Tanya.

Tanya cared a lot for her little cousin. Bella had been a surprise to them all, but a welcome one. A ray of sunshine into their sometimes uneventful lives. But the past four years with her had built up some concerns.

It was obvious that there was something between Bella and Jasper. He looked at her like she was his moon and stars, and she looked like she was racked with guilt whenever she was alone with her thoughts. 

Bella was a sweet girl, a moral one with strength in her convictions. But she was hurting herself by clinging to this idea that her past mate could be the only love she ever had. One day, when Jasper had gone on an extended hunting trip with his brother and Bella had begun overthinking the second he was too far away to stop her; Tanya sat her down to reattempt to teach her fumbling fingers to embroider and try to talk some sense into her.

“I’m just trying to say, sweet girl, that soulmates are a fairytale. I know you love your husband, but perhaps there might be others who you could love even more?”

Bella kept her eyes stubbornly trained on the mess of thread she was making. “I know we aren’t destined to be together or anything, I’m not a child. But…” She bit her lip. “You don’t understand, the only thing he wanted was for us to be together. That is literally the only instruction he gave me. I had to make a plan for how to get him out of Chicago just with information I already had!”

Tanya frowned. “It being their last wishes is not a good reason to marry someone.”

“I love him, Tanya.” Bella finally looked up, her brow furrowed. “And he waited a century for me. I can wait thirty years for him.”

“Okay, that’s fair!” Tanya tried to casually return to her embroidery, as if she wasn’t trying to alleviate her cousin’s great pain. “But thirty years is a long time, and torturing yourself for perhaps having feelings for someone else is no way to spend them. It may lack foresight, but I suggest you live your life in the moment and worry about your quest later.”

Bella stayed silent, so Tanya didn’t push further; not wanting to pester. But some time later, Bella piped up in a small sullen voice.

“You might have a point…”

1891. Jasper.

They had a good life with the Denali sisters. Jasper had never known such safety and companionship before. Bella was right all those years ago, the joy and love they were always feeling were like a drug to him. He was so at peace he could barely stand it.

But that didn’t detract from Bella’s position in his heart; the way that when he was away from her there was something cold inside him that yearned to go home.

It was because of that, that when a french human drinker stumbled across their coven and asked to stay, his hackles were raised. Bella never said anything, but he knew when she was hiding something. The false edge to her smile and the flashes of fear whenever she looked into Irina’s new mate’s eyes was enough for him to suggest they travel alone for a while. 

She jumped at the opportunity to get away, and Peter had been itching to explore for years. So with that; Jasper, Bella, and Peter left the safety of the Denali home and set off on their own. To see the world and all its glories.

1892. Jasper.

A few miles out of Houston was a small farm. The family who worked that land were hardly well off, they made just enough selling their crops to get by; but their children never knew hunger and their clothes were always clean and well mended. The Civil War had taken much from them, but they survived. The Whitlocks always survived.

It was just barely cloudy enough for Jasper to be there, but in the end he was grateful for the sun. Any more overcast and it might have ruined the day. 

A girl that Jasper didn’t recognise, but looked uncannily like his mother, was getting ready in the house he was born in. At first he tried his best not to look through the windows. That was rude after all, and his momma didn’t raise a boy without manners. But when he saw her he couldn’t help it. His baby sister, Ellie. She was in her 40s, just like he would be if he were still human, but still undeniably her. The girl was getting married, and judging by the tears in his sister’s eyes it was her daughter. 

The family was gathered in the garden. His mother was painfully nowhere absent, but his father was sat in a tall chair, blanket tucked dignified around his thighs to protect against the spring breeze. Jasper stayed in the cover of the trees, Bella and Peter hovering behind him. 

It was a small affair, orchestrated by a preacher Jasper dimly recognised as a cousin. He almost felt sorry for intruding, until Bella softly rested her hand on his shoulder and whispered how happy they would be if they knew he was there

It was her words that spurred him on, after all the festivities were over and everyone settled down to sleep, to sneak silently into the house the way he had done as a teenager. He first made his way to his father’s room. The man had always been a deep sleeper, but Jasper never realised just how deep when even a jolt of energy barely roused him. He knew it was risky, but his father had always believed in angels. 

Father’s eyes cracked open and saw him. A sleepy smile stretched across his face and he clasped his boy’s arm, whispered “It’s good to see you, son.” and immediately fell back to sleep. Jasper smiled, put a large amount of money in the stash he knew was kept in his father’s bedside cabinet, and crept out of the room.

Next was his sister. He gathered from talk at the wedding that she had been recently widowed, and lived with his father so they might take care of each other. 

She was not nearly such a deep sleeper as their father. Her eyes peaked open almost as soon as he made his way to her bedside.

“Am I dreamin’?” She whispered.

Jasper swallowed the painful lump in his throat. “Yes.” He lied.

He knelt by his sister’s side, stroked her graying hair from her face and told her all about the world. He told her about Canada, and all the places he’d seen. He told her about the future - or what little he knew of it. He told her how proud he was of her. 

In return she told him everything he wanted to know, and everything he didn’t. What happened after he disappeared, how their parents reacted, how his older brother didn’t come back either, but his younger did. Who they married, how old all their children are. Everything he’d missed.

When it got too close to the dawn and he had to lull her back to sleep, she gripped his hand in hers and remarked on how cold it was.

He smiled sadly. 

“That’s because I’m dead.”

1893. Bella.

One might say that being nomadic was bad for them. They jumped from place to place, sampling the local culture; and quickly the local ‘cuisine’ in Peter’s case. He had never fully committed to the vegetarian diet, choosing to flip back and forth whenever he felt like it. It was fair, without Bella’s attachment to human life and the benefits Jasper felt from staying away from negative emotions, there was no real reason for him to settle for second best - even though Carlisle insisted he hunts several cities away when he feels the need. Bella understood both of their reasonings, she always had. 

She felt the urge more and more, without the company of Carlisle and being around humans she didn’t know. In Winnipeg, at least she knew the name of the shopkeeper and the butcher and the old lady who hung around the back of the bar. She understood them, she would mourn them if they were gone, let alone if she killed them. But with these humans that she saw for a week and then never encountered again, there was no such attachment, and their blood smelled sweeter with every stop they made. 

They never stayed long, and they never brought anything with them. Jasper carried a satchel, a different one; filled with nothing but money, a mending kit, and one or two sentimental items. Nothing that was too much, nothing that would hurt too much to lose. They would take a room at the local inn, wander around, maybe buy some new clothes or go to an assembly. Bella took to playing historical bingo, where she took a famous figure she knew would be around and try to find them. Thus far she was unsuccessful, but still enjoyed trying. 

They were in Washington DC, watching Grover Cleveland get inaugurated, when they bumped into another of their kind. He was a human drinker named Michael and was absolutely delighted to find some folk he could actually have a proper conversation with. He commented on their scars and they told him the whole sordid tale of the Southern Wars and their escape (minus the time travel, of course). 

“What a good thing it must be,” he remarked, “to be out of there. You must feel so relieved all the time!”

Bella joined in on the good natured agreements, but didn’t quite believe what she was saying.

Because she still felt that jab jab jabbing at her spine. No matter how far from the wars she got, Anton was still looking for her.

1894. Bella.

It was only a matter of time before she fell from grace. 

She and Jasper were at a bar in Ohio, pretending to sip whiskey and listening to the drama going on around them. A man had been harassing a waitress there for hours. Donald, he said his name was while relentlessly asking for hers. He eventually excused himself and left the bar, but both vampires could hear him linger in the alley outside. When the waitress finally left at the end of her shift, Bella quietly followed to make sure she got home okay. Jasper stayed behind, lest he scare her more.

But when Bella was barely out the door, a hand shot out of the alley and grabbed her by the arm. Surprised, she let herself be dragged backwards and found herself face to face with the lecherous, red faced man. 

“Hmph.” He snorted. “Not the one I was going for, but you’re much more beautiful.”

With a hand on her chest he pushed her back against the wall. Bella wasn’t quite sure what she should be doing. Obviously she wasn’t going to let him have his way with her, but she couldn’t exactly show her strength. She could call for Jasper and Peter, but they would likely be so incensed that the man would have a very slow and painful death. 

Did she care? Was it more important that the man lived or was it just that she didn’t want to be the one to kill him?

All pondering went out the window when he shoved his face into her neck, took a deep inhale and licked at her collarbone. Instinct kicked in and she shoved him away, cracking a rib and sending him flying back into the wall.

He wasn’t dead, she had enough control for that, but he was bleeding where his skull had hit the sharp stone and where his wrist had snapped. 

But so close to her instincts and so bereft of human blood, she couldn’t help but want . This man was scum, scum of the Earth and she was so so angry. He didn’t deserve to live. He didn’t deserve to live and perhaps she deserved the right to kill him. Maybe this was her sign, her gift. Maybe she could finally drink human blood again. 

Her desperate reasoning drew her slowly forward to the trembling man. He made a low whining sound as her sharp teeth slid into his skin and she joined him as the first drop of blood hit her tongue. God, she had missed this. Warm and musky and almost as sweet as the brandy he had been drinking. It was perfect, she thought as she drew his lifeblood in, delicious, life giving, she finally felt complete.

What are you doing?

Her thirst quenched, she came back to herself and threw herself away from him. She hit the wall at the back of the alley and stared at her still twitching victim. She’d killed, she’d killed again. 

She grabbed at her pinned hair and pulled to keep herself on the ground. She hadn’t quite killed, the man was still alive, but she needed to fix that soon. Else she hadn’t killed a rapist, she’d just given him superpowers. She let out a whimper as the man gurgled through the blood filling his mouth. She was sitting there having a crisis and yet she still wanted it. How would she kill him? Would she drink the rest? That seemed like the worst possible option, although really there was no reason why it would be.

A voice interrupted her panic, although she wasn’t within herself enough to understand what it said. 

Jasper stood at the mouth of the alley, staring at the scene before him. He took one strong look at her and stepped to her victim, whipped him up to his level and sunk his teeth right in the spot where hers had been. He drank what little the man had left and shot to her side before their victim hit the ground. His hands whispered over her cheeks and neck, pulling the bedragged strands of her hair out of her clawed fingers and soothing them down.

“It’s okay, it’s okay…” He murmured to her. “You didn’t kill him. I did.”

She stared into his amber orange eyes and crushed her lips to his before she had time to think about it. He responded immediately, winding the hand resting on her jaw to the back of her neck and holding on to the hair he loved so much. He pulled it from its pins and let it fall across her back so he could get a better grip to tilt her head back and kiss at her throat.

She clenched her hands in his lapels, pulling him as close to her as she could without them melding together as one. She acknowledged for a moment that that was what she really wanted. To forget who she was and become one with him; this dark man who would follow her anywhere. 

He pulled her to his lap and she let him. His arm wound around her waist to keep her close and she moved her hands to cup his cheeks, moving his face to the exact angle she wanted it. He pushed her forwards against the wall, so she was pressed against every inch of his body. His hands were everywhere, on her face, her neck, her thighs. She responded in kind, tracing the muscles on his arms and the planes of his chest and the bites on the back of his neck. They stayed there until the sun rose, tasting blood on each other's tongues and dreading the morning.

In the dawn, they disentangled, disposed of the body; and never mentioned it again. 

1895. Carlisle.

Carlisle very much loved living with the Denali sisters; but when Peter told him quite bluntly that Bella and Jasper would never be comfortable visiting for long periods of time while he lived with Laurent, he moved out as soon as he could. He took up a house near Seattle, hoping that being so close to her home might tempt Bella to come see him. 

He didn’t need to take such measures, she was on his doorstep the day after Kate and Garrett found her wandering Chicago and told her of his whereabouts. She sent him postcards every time they came by a new settlement, but other than through Kate and Garrett, he had little way of replying. 

They all looked well, not as primped, perfect and clean as they were in Canada, but nowhere near as bad as they were when she returned to him from the wars. Her eyes were bright gold with hints of something darker running through them, almost as if she had glutted herself on animal blood to hide the red. Jasper similarly had orange eyes, although clearly less effort had gone into hiding them. Peter’s were unapologetically red, although he had never bothered to hide his lack of care for the vegetarian lifestyle before.

He didn’t blame her, of course he couldn’t. Bella was all he’d ever wanted, and whatever life she wanted he would do his best to give. He took Peter aside a few days into that first visit, as he could always trust him not to obsess over his good opinion, and asked what exactly their feeding habits were. 

The man raised an eyebrow and informed him that it was a rapist and murderer only diet, and Bella only ever seemed ashamed of it when she thought of him. Carlisle nodded, it made sense. He only hoped that her worry didn’t cause her too much pain and made an effort to be extra accommodating for Peter’s needs in front of her, so she knew he didn’t judge.

He wasn’t fully successful, but at least his plan to move away from the Denali’s worked. After years of his daughter barely visiting, he was seeing her every few months. She and the boys would pop in sometimes for weeks and trade books and stories with him. He continued working as a doctor and got to keep his family. He would take the compromises, since everyone seemed so happy.

1896. Peter.

Arizona was a hot, red wasteland and Peter found it so strange how Bella seemed to fit there.

It’s not that she blended in, hell no. It was so bright all the time that they couldn’t go out during the day and at night their snow white skin got them stared at wherever they went. But there was just something so comfortable about her. She walked with a confidence that said ‘I am home’ and it suited her.

Phoenix was even better, as she excitedly pointed out all the buildings she faintly remembered from her childhood. They stopped and explored the empty patch of land that would one day be her childhood home, and a half constructed ballet studio; where Bella laughingly told the story of how she tried and failed to fight off a vampire. She was so swept up in her past that she made a rule that they didn’t kill in Phoenix, just in case one of her childhood friends had an unsavoury ancestor.

That was fair enough. So they fed in Tucson.

1897. Jasper.

It wasn’t that Jasper was lonely. How could he be? He travelled with his brother and the love of his life. But that separation that Bella enforced between them sapped his strength, it only seemed to waver when she didn’t have any more strength to stay away. He savoured every embrace, every time her cool lips touched his - but couldn’t stand that it was always after something bad happened. He felt so guilty for enjoying it, and was so starved of the touch that he wanted from her that he decided to try getting it elsewhere.

So he started sleeping around. It wasn’t a big deal, Peter did it too. But he couldn’t help the empty feeling inside when he was done, scrubbing himself of the evidence and returning to the girl he really wanted.

Of course he loved her. Of course he was settling for second best. For God’s sake, he would picture her the entire time no matter how beautiful his partner was. But he didn’t have this wonderful future to look forward to like she did. No matter how many times she told him that in the future he will be just as happy as she is, he couldn’t see a world where he would be content loving her from afar.

So he had his little affairs. Sometimes he would take a woman as he drank from her, the ecstasy occasionally drowned out the fear if he did it quick enough. Sometimes he would sleep with a woman and then leave her alone, if he didn’t deem her deserving of death. It was almost like a test of his control that he picked up surprisingly well. 

It wasn’t like Bella was absolutely innocent. She would often let her more lecherous victims kiss her, give them a taste of heaven before she sent them to hell. A sick part of him liked watching, so he could pretend it was him. He liked to imagine her sauntering up to him after her victim’s body thumped to the floor, climbing into his lap and letting him taste the remnants of her meal on her lips.

But dreams were dreams, and reality was bitter cold disappointment. So when they came across a female nomad who projected lust like a lightning bolt when she saw him, he took the bait and took her against a tree. 

They weren’t in a settlement, they were just wandering around farmland, looking for large game and drawing crop circles. There weren’t bathing facilities within easy reach so he just went straight back to his coven.

It was the first time he had ever seen her so soon afterwards, when his lady love’s scent still clung to his skin. Her control was impeccable, the smooth smile on her face didn’t even flicker. But he felt the flash of envy, rage, and possession before she had time to smother it. He should have been angry. She had chosen this, she chose to wait for her husband instead of being with him. They could be happy if she would let them. But instead he let himself grin with vindication. People could say a lot about their relationship, but no one could say she did not feel the same way for him as he did for her. 

He broke into someone’s house to bathe and changed his clothes, and when she stayed close to his side for the next few days he decided that for now, this would do.

1898. Bella.

When it was hard to find mass murderers and serial rapists, the trio occasionally lowered their standards.

They would happen upon a town and stay there for a few weeks. With their gentle manners and fine clothing they would be quickly accepted as potential members of society and invited to all manner of balls and plays. That was the idea. 

Feeding on some poor folk who had turned to drink to deal with life and would never be missed just hit Bella the wrong way - so they went for an opposite tact. They would attend one of these fine gatherings they had been invited to, and find the worst person there. There was almost always one, although when they came across a group of people who were all genuinely decent they would go hungry. 

Jasper would greet all the folk wanting to dance with his ‘younger brother and sister’ and taste their emotional palettes, then move on to the parents and relatives to find that one person with malice in their heart. Then whichever one of the three was more able to seduce that person would draw them out of the party for them all to share. It was enough to tide them over until they found someone more deserving of the terrible fate.

This was the situation they found themselves in when they stuck to smaller settlements for a while. They were a nice change from the bustle of large cities, but there weren’t enough dark corners to find easy prey in. 

So they bought some fine clothes and waited to be invited to whatever party was coming. They were such a handsome group that some rich mother who wanted a daughter married off threw one just for them. They could have just run to New York or somewhere similarly seedy, but there was something about the hunt and the challenge that made them stay exactly where they were. 

It was almost enough to make Bella comfortable in silks, although not quite. Bustles were out, thank goodness, but she still had to avoid direct light so her scars didn’t show through the declitage baring neckline of her gown. 

Peter was dancing with a young lady who practically shoved their other admirers away and greeted Bella with a fierce scowl, a possible contender. Bella had just been escorted from the dance floor by a partner with particularly grabby hands, another possibility. Staring around the decorated hall, she couldn't help but think how much easier this would be when night clubs were invented. But she shucked that thought as quickly as it grew. She couldn't think of the future. To think of the future was to think of who she was failing.

Jasper had chosen someone already. He slipped an arm around her waist and quietly pointed out a man hanging around in the back of the room who felt surges of lust when he looked at people of the wrong age, if she knew what he meant. She grimaced and they went to greet the monster. She danced with him twice and eventually led him outside for fresh air.

They killed him in the rose garden, slashed through the bite marks and threw his body in the fountain. They were gone by dawn.

1899. Jasper.

Jasper couldn’t kill on his own, not anymore. He needed one of his two favourite people with him, his angels - although he could never let slip to Peter that he thought of him like that. The light they gave carried him through the terror and pain of his victims. With Bella biting into the other side of the poor dying sod’s neck, he could focus on her. She kept him afloat.

But that light inside her was flickering. Every life she took, every drop of blood that passed her lips dimmed her light. He could suddenly feel it one day, clear as anything. She hated herself. Truly hated herself. 

They were in Chicago to ring in the new year, and while Peter revelled in the parties and found several other monsters to prey on, she stood on the sidelines and did nothing. She felt nothing too, there was a void where her light usually lived.

Jasper took a hold of her hand and relished in the gold that still blossomed through the black whenever she saw him. He murmured for her to follow him and lead her to the roof of the tallest building. Away from all the humans she seemed much brighter, but that darkness still lingered.

He kissed her hands. “What is it that’s botherin’ you?”

“I just…” She sighed. “I was standing in a crowd of people and realised that I was a predator. I’m not one of them anymore… I’m not human anymore…”

“And that’s a bad thing?” He asked, but her face crumpled and her colours turned cold and empty. She turned away from him and leaned on the railing lining the roof to look out to the street below.

“I think about them all the time…” She eventually whispered. “My family in the future. They would be so disappointed in me.”

“That can’t be true. You said they told you they would understand.”

“They would understand a slip!” She gasped. “They would understand a short phase of killing, but it’s been five years and I don’t know if I can stop! I can’t feel my humanity anymore! They wouldn’t love me anymore!”

“Hush!” He hastened his way towards her and took her in his arms. “Of course they would still love you, how could they not?” He pressed his lips to her silken hair. “You are still our Bella, no matter your diet.”

She let out a sob against his chest, so he pulled away and stroked her hair back from her face. She tried to stare at the ground, but he lifted her chin to gaze into her ruby eyes. 

"What can I do to make this better?" He asked.

She took a shuddering breath. "I think I want to feel human again."

He nodded and held her close to him. If being human was what she wanted then that was what they would do. He would take her back to Carlisle, return to the animal diet, even abandon Peter if that was what it took. The girl in his arms was his heart and soul, and there was nothing he would not do if she asked it of him. 

She roused from his embrace only to watch the new century roll in and the next morning they ran home to her father.

Chapter Text

1900. Bella

“Do you know how many people I have had intercourse with?”

Bella’s ears pricked, she looked up from the book she was reading and turned to Kate with a raised eyebrow.

“I imagine the number is either shockingly low or shockingly high.” 

“Quite.” The succubus smirked. “15,498. I’m very old, you see. And I’m two off a nice round number, it’s awfully vexing.”

“Huh.” Bella said.

Kate casually returned her eyes to her book, as if this conversation was par for the course. But Bella knew that trick, Tanya had used it enough times. They liked to pretend they were talking about nothing of consequence when they were actually trying to impart some sort of life lesson. Life lessons that were often annoyingly profound. She returned her own eyes to her book and waited for Kate to come out with the punchline.

Twenty minutes later, Kate snapped her book closed with an agitated sigh. “And how many of those dear men and women do you think I killed?”

“...And women?” Bella asked, ignoring the question.

“Oh yes.” Kate’s smirk returned. “Go on, sweet girl. How many died at my hand?”

“Half?”

“All but two hundred.” Kate returned to her book, clearly happy at the level of participation she was getting. “And how do you think I feel about that?”

Bella sighed. “I don’t know... You don’t feel guilt because it’s in our nature to kill humans? Because every animal has a food chain and it’s not our fault we’re at the top? Because humans are weak and we are strong? Because we’re eternal beings and their lives are nothing in comparison? I assure you, there aren’t many reasons that I haven’t already heard from Peter.”

“All of those reasons have their place,” said Kate, “but I don’t feel guilt because I decided not to. If I were to destroy myself for every atrocity I have ever committed, I would be doomed to angst forever. There are people around me who love me and I would hate to put them through that.”

Bella scowled. “So I should suck it up and get over it because I’m bothering everyone?”

“No…” Kate snapped her unread book closed again. “Tell me darling, did you ever enjoy it? Was there ever a truly detestable human that you had a lovely time killing?”

“Well yeah, of course…”

“What a wonderful anecdote that would make!” Kate beamed. “You should tell me about it.”

Bella sighed and told her cousin the story of the child predator she let wander naked through the desert until he begged for death. Kate laughed in all the right places and asked all the right questions; and Bella started to realise that maybe, her being a monster wasn’t the point of the story.

1901.

When it came time to finally rejoin society, the little family had a job to think of a feasible cover story. What circumstances could possibly bring together an English doctor, two southern gentlemen and a teenage girl? Clearly, some of them needed a disguise of sorts.

“Little lucky Luke likes lakes, lucky little Luke likes licking lakes.”

“Lil’ lucky Luke likes lakes, lucky lil’ Luke likes lickin’ lakes.”

“Peter!” Bella groaned. “Are you even trying?!”

“Okay okay! Lemme try again…” Peter closed his eyes and shook himself in a dramatic show of effort. “LiT-le luck-y LuKe l-iy-keS lakeS, luck-y liT-le LuKe l-iy-keS lickING lakeS.”

He beamed at her blank expression. “How was that?”

“How are we ever going to fit in with the northerners when you’re talking like you’ve swallowed a brick?”

“Well I don’t see why I should have to change my accent!” Peter whined. “And why is lil’ Luke lickin’ lakes anyway?”

“C’mon let’s try another one. Repeat after me - Grey geese in a green field grazing.”

“I just don’t think it’s gonna work, Bells. I’m me and there’s no changin’ it.”

“So what’s the alternative? You’re our weird southern cousin?”

“... Can you do a southern accent?”

1902. Bella.

“Can I help you miss?”

Bella adjusted her pretty straw hat, flexed her brightest smile and put on her most Texan accent. “Thank you, sir. I’m just waitin’ for my brother, he’s the new partner here.”

“Ah!” The secretary smiled. “You mean Mr Cullen? I believe he’s in a meeting, but he will be done in just a few minutes. Feel free to sit and wait.”

“Thank you, sir!” Bella perched on a nearby plush chair and surveyed the dark panelled waiting room. Carlisle Cullen, attorney at law, had been working here for two weeks now; under the tutelage of the formidable Mr. Andrews. It was quite a career change to what her sire was used to, but it was all for a good cause. He would soon inherit the account of one Anthony Mason, a certain someone’s grandfather. This was the first step in the plan to bring Bella back to her husband, and she was just as excited as she was terrified. 

After a few minutes of ignoring the secretary’s eager eyes on her, Carlisle exited his office with a grieving widow in tow. He guided her out the door and turned to Bella with sparkling eyes.

“Your sister is here to see you, sir!” The secretary so helpfully pointed out.

“Yes. Thank you Jeffrey.” Carlisle smiled at him. “Isabella and I will be in my office, do you mind lettin’ me know if my ten o’clock comes in early?”

“Yes sir!”

Carlisle guided Bella to his office with a secret smile. The southern drawl sounded odd in his mouth, but he enjoyed it far too much to tone it down. 

His office was small, befitting a new junior partner, but many of his books had made their way to the shelves and his globe stood proudly in the corner. He sat in the large chair behind his desk and gestured her towards one of the ones facing it.

“It is odd, saying you're my sister.” He said.

She snorted. “You think it’s strange for you? Do you know how many mothers have asked me if it’s true that all three of my brothers are bachelors? They’re circling like vultures.”

“In which case I’m just glad you are pretending to be so young. How is school going, anyway?”

“It’s fine!” She lolled in her chair in a remarkably unladylike manner. “Kind of fun actually. We’re learning things they didn’t teach in high school when I was human. Now I can write cursive!”

Carlisle smiled indulgently. “I’m proud of you, sweetheart.”

1903. Peter.

Peter couldn’t help his delighted grin as he and Jasper waited by the school gates. They got out of work early and were dutiful big brothers, that was all. He was wearing the shirt that was just a little tight around his upper arms and missing the top button because the others were in the wash, no other reason. And his hair might be a little more tousled and sexier that day, but he couldn’t help if it was windy. He got nothing out of this whatsoever.

A girl gasped as she saw them and started whispering to her friend. “Do you see those men?”

“Oh my, they’re so handsome!”

“Doesn’t one work at the papers?”

“He must be so clever!”

Peter sent the girls a wink and glanced over to his brother. Jasper was obviously trying not to enjoy it, but he was. A little stroking of the ego was healthy here and there, and his odd relationship with Bella can’t be good for his self esteem. Yes. Peter was just being a good brother, not getting anything out of this. 

Bella didn’t seem to think so as she helped herd the younger kids out of the school room. She raised an eyebrow in a way that showed she knew exactly what he was up to.

“Isabella!” A girl of similar age grasped at her arm. “Do you know who those men are? Aren’t they dreamy?”

Bella snorted and sent Peter a maniacal grin. “They’re my brothers. But trust me, you wouldn’t think them dreamy if you heard their snorin’, and swearin’, and saw them pickin’ their toenails in the sittin’ room!”

The girl gasped.

“There’s only so much a pretty face can excuse, don’t ya think?”

Peter, meanwhile, was incensed with this slander . Jasper had transitioned into trying not to laugh, which he most certainly didn’t appreciate. He opened his mouth to yell something embarrassing back at her but received an elbow in the gut before he could even try, he rubbed his belly and glared at his brother. 

“What’re you doin’ here, oh darlin’ brothers o’mine?” Bella swept up to them with her friend still on her arm, looking as angelic and innocent as she clearly wasn’t. 

Peter narrowed his eyes at her. “We got outta work early and thought we’d walk ya home, sister dearest .”

Jasper politely reached around the staring match they were having to introduce himself to the poor girl awkwardly hanging off Bella’s arm. She shook his hand and said her name was Emma. 

Peter broke his aggressive eye contact with Bella and reached out to press the girl’s hand. “Why Bella never told us she had such beautiful friends."

The girl’s eyes darted down to the ground and a blush bloomed over her cheeks. Bella smacked him round the back of the head. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” She asked the girl, who nodded and scurried away. 

Bella turned back to Peter, unimpressed, and didn’t even look away as she took the arm Jasper offered to her. They walked in a tense silence for a while, until Bella deigned to break it.

“Peter, are you not gettin’ enough attention?”

Jasper erupted. The laughter he had been holding in burst out of him and left him gasping in the middle of the street. Even when he had calmed enough to retake Bella’s arm he couldn’t help the chuckles coming out his mouth every now and then. 

“I mean it, Peter. Do you need reassurance?”

Jasper snorted. “Do you not feel pretty enough?”

“We could compliment you more.”

“We really don’t mind.”

“We just want you to be happy, sweet boy.”

“Okay!” Peter exclaimed as they got to the house and he let them in the front door. “Is it so wrong to perhaps enjoy a pretty lady’s gaze? Just because you two are so besotted with each other doesn’t stop me gettin’ bored!”

He froze. They both stared at him in shocked silence, for mentioning the thing they don’t mention. In a flash, Bella’s sharp fingers shot out and dug into his side.

Peter yowled. “Carlisle! Your progeny is pinchin’ again!”

1904. Jasper.

She’d been saying it for years. 

“Anton is going to die in 1904.” “Anton is sure gonna know pain in 1904!” “I can’t wait for Anton to get what’s coming to him in 1904!” 

Then 1904 finally came, and she waited all year with bated breath for that jabbing at her spine to go away. It took until late December for the distress to truly set in.

Even Jasper couldn’t calm her, not with his words or his affection or his gift. No one could stop her crying.

“He’s supposed to be dead! This was supposed to go away!”

Christmas was supposed to be a joyous time, but every day they drifted closer to the new year darkened Bella’s heart. They all still had a dwindling hope that perhaps, 2012 Jasper had meant this horrific death took place on New Years Eve; or perhaps he somehow had his dates wrong. But they all knew that wasn’t true. 

Bella had changed too much, Anton would live.

On Christmas eve, Bella hit her breaking point and Jasper just scooped her up and ran with her until she found the will to complain.

“There has to be something,” he said, “that would make you feel better. Something that might make you feel secure again. Let’s go find it.”

He hadn’t expected for her to have a place in mind, but she took his hand and pulled him away. He also hadn’t expected to arrive 16 hours later in Mississippi, dangerously close to newborn activity, but Bella didn’t seem to care. In fact, that might have been why she dragged him there at all.

It was early morning, the sun just weak enough that they could walk hand in hand down the street without care. She was looking for something, he let himself be dragged along. 

They came upon the church just as morning mass let out. A young, kind faced woman stood in the yard, speaking to a group of other young mothers. A child of about three was hanging off her hand; wearing a puffy white dress with her long, black hair braided neatly down her back. The little girl turned and looked at them like she was expecting them to be there. 

Bella froze, then bloomed into pink and silver. They fluttered through her and lifted the oppressive fear that sat on her shoulders. She breathed a sigh of relief, and Jasper felt the raging anxiety within her cool just a little, under that infant’s knowing gaze. 

They stayed until the crowd cleared and the girl was pulled away from them by her loving mother.

“Come along, Alice.”

1905. Bella.

The Cullens were getting to the point where they would soon have to leave the town they were living in, although Carlisle had to stay on as Anthony Mason’s attorney. The man had recently bought an estate in the country, surprising to all his family due to his old age, and no one quite knew where he got all that money from.

Bella was nervous, but the heavy sun coverage and abundance of large mammals always made the dense forests of the North the perfect vampire playground; and those who loved her were happy to drag her through them as a distraction. 

They were searching for bears through the tall evergreen trees. Bella split from the pack, her nose leading her deeper into the forest towards the stream. She looked up as she ran, breathing the cool fresh air and shutting her eyes against the sparkling sunlight. 

It was then that she saw a flash of white, streaking across the nearest tree. It was a trick of the light, just an illusion, but then it jumped from branch to branch, tree to tree and all she could see was Emmett. 

Her mind travelled back to Montana. Edward ran from her after she turned, his guilt too much to bear, so Emmett taught her to hunt. She looked to her side and saw his massive frame leaping around and calling for her to follow. 

She broke into a sprint towards the phantom of her mind. He whooped and hollered from the tree tops, shouting and taunting until she kept up. He swung from a branch and sailed through the air, grinning and waving his arms as if he were teaching her to fly.

But then a cloud passed by and that light trickled away. His phantom disappeared into the trees and she was hit by this empty pang of dark loneliness.

Jasper was by her side in an instant. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to his chest; his hand stroked her hair away from her face as he took her cheek.

“What is it?”

She tried to smile. “I miss my brother.”

1906. Jasper. 

Bella was breathtaking that day, although Jasper had dearly wished she wouldn’t be. 

White suited her, and she wore plenty of it. It enhanced that appearance of innocence that he knew that in part he took from her. She had laughed that morning, as she adorned the lacy white dress that only just reached her ankles and wrapped a thick red sash about her waist. She said something about Mary Poppins and pinned a wide brimmed straw hat to her hair to protect against stray sun rays. He, Peter and Carlisle wore similar cream suits, with red ties and beige hats.

Jasper didn’t know why they put so much effort in, Irina had even come down to help. They were dressed too lightly for the cloudy day, too nicely for just sitting on a bench in Chicago; but they took entertainment wherever they could get it, and it felt like an occasion. 

An occasion he had desperately not wanted to attend. Why would he want to see Bella’s husband? Why would he do that to himself? But Peter was relentless, and insisted that if left to his own devices he would make it all so much worse in his head. 

So he sat sullen on a bench, thigh pressed to the girl of his dreams’. She couldn’t stop shuffling, fidgeting as Carlisle knocked on the tall door of a middle class town house and gaining admittance. She was the only vampire Jasper knew who felt the need to move when she was nervous. 

They listened in as Carlisle explained to a Mr Edward Masen that according to his late father’s will, he had inherited a large estate in the country with its own income. The only stipulation being that the family must move there. It was, after all, his father’s last wishes that his little grandson, Edward Jr, grow up in the fresh air. 

Thinking about it, they were lucky that Anthony Masen was so willing to adhere to their plan. 

Edward Sr was less compliant, but Carlisle got to work convincing him, and was willing to use every dazzling quality he had to manage it. 

Jasper was distracted by his listening and didn’t realise they had company until Bella stilled beside him. He followed her gaze across the street, where an elegantly dressed woman was leading a small child down the street. The boy looked about five - although Jasper knew he was five. He wore shorts and a little jacket, his knobbly knees were reddened by the summer sun. He looked up at his mother and laughed, a sweet sound that made Bella gasp. 

Damn.

Jasper braced himself and waited for the girl he adored to glow golden, to look at the boy who would grow into her husband and love more than he had ever felt from her before. But she didn’t. She was filled with something; it was certainly love, and he had certainly never felt it from her before. But it was peculiar. 

She glowed, but she didn’t burn. There was no passion mixed into the soft blue that flooded through her. Perhaps it was because he was just a child, with copper ringlets and freckles spattered over his cherubic cheeks. Perhaps it was because it mixed with her usual Edward grey. He felt her breath catch, her eyes welled up. She loved that boy, but not in the way that she loved him.  

He shuffled by her side. Maybe it was some sort of itch it was impossible for him to have, maybe it was to distract her from the boy she would one day leave him for. He didn’t want to admit something so selfish to himself. Whether it was conscious or not, it worked. She tore her eyes away from the babe and turned to him.

There was that gold again, blooming from within the blue and burning through it like veins through marble. She smiled at him; soft, unassuming, happy.

“Isn’t he beautiful?” She whispered. 

1907. Peter.

Peter had always been of the opinion that Bella looked strange among humans. Not in the way that they all did, with their ice pale skin and inhuman good looks; but she was self conscious and awkward in a way that told him she had always been like this. She didn't fit in with humans even when she was one.

That's what made it so surprising when he was wandering Seattle on an overcast day and found her sitting in the window of a quaint little tea room. A hat covered the brown curls piled on top of her head, understated but fashionably vintage. She wore cream, with a short cape covering her front and shoulders. She loved that cape.

She looked beautiful, but he could tell from the set of her shoulders that she hated the admiring eyes trained on her. So the resounding question was why she was sitting there putting up with it.

A bell tinkled as he entered the shop and took the chair opposite her. 

"Fancy seein' you here." He grinned, "Gettin' some refreshments?"

She nodded and took a deceptive sip of her beverage. "Coffee. It doesn't taste too bad on the way back up."

"Huh." He turned to smile at the waitress who had come to greet him. "May I have one of those lil' lemon cakes I see on the counter please, Ma'am?"

She tittered and nodded, hurrying back to the front of the shop. Bella's eyes followed her the whole way.

"So," He drew her attention. "As nice as this is, what exactly are we doin' here?"

She didn't answer. "How is a cake better than coffee?"

"Easier to hide." He waggled his eyebrows at her smirk. "Hey, answer the question-"

She shushed him. The waitress approached their table again; this time with a perfect lemon cake perched on a plate in her hands, icing sugar lovingly dusted on top.

"Here you are, sir."

"Why thank you, Ma'am." Peter had a feeling about this girl, Bella looked like she was about to vibrate out of her chair and needed the opportunity to pull herself together. He ramped up the southern charm to keep the sweet little waitress talking. "My compliments to the chef."

The girl giggled. "Oh, I make these!"

"You do? Well then please accept my compliments for yourself!"

He glanced back at Bella, who was chomping on her lip. C'mon Bells, he thought. There's only so long I can keep this up without it gettin' creepy.

"I love your earrings!" Bella finally blurted out.

The girl startled. "Oh, thank you!" A blush spread over her cheeks. "They were a birthday gift from my sweetheart."

Bella smiled slowly back. "Well they're beautiful. You are beautiful."

The girl turned scarlet up to the tips of her ears, gave a quick curtsey and scurried back to the front. Once again, Bella's eyes followed her.

Peter ripped a piece off his cake and stashed it in his inside jacket pocket. "Y'know..." He whispered. "If you're not careful, she'll think you have some intentions."

His sister wrinkled her nose at him. "Don't be silly." She turned her attention back to the blushing brunette behind the counter. "Her name is Marie Peterson, soon to be Marie Swan. She's my great grandmother..."

He grinned wide. "Well then, I reckon we should stay a while."

They stayed for hours, until the evening sun hung low in the sky and the proprietor gave them impatient looks. Bella left a tip large enough to make a rich man cringe and they walked away with linked arms and thoughts of futures not their own.

1908. Jasper.

Bella was so good, when she put her mind to it. She genuinely saw her diet as the right thing to do, saw human life as worth saving. She didn’t want to hurt people, the light within her went deep into her core.

Peter didn’t really care. He didn’t see humanity to be synonymous with goodness. Even when they lived happily in human settlements, he would indulge on occasion. He saw no problem with it, after all with the type of people he feasted on, the community was safer for it. 

Jasper wasn’t sure why he kept to this diet; he supposed there were many reasons. The first was Bella, his first reason for anything was always Bella. When he slipped, she slipped. When he succeeded, she glowed. 

The second was the emotions. He didn’t enjoy being a monster any more than Bella did, but when you can feel the fear of the man you are about to kill it is hard not to believe yourself as one. 

The third was the challenge. He liked to be good at things, he liked to achieve what he set out to. He hated failure.

But he would still fail. He would always fail. He was so grateful for this girl, who could walk into a room bathed in the blood he had just spilled and know exactly what to do. 

He was huddled in the corner, furious with himself. He didn’t even savour it, he just lost his temper at this bastard of a man and ripped him limb from limb. She didn’t even blink, didn’t linger on the dead man and went straight to him. She hiked up her skirts from the puddles of blood and climbed over his legs to sit in his lap. She swept his blood slicked hair off his forehead and pressed her lips there, then travelled down to lightly brush them against his. 

“We get up, and we try again.” She whispered.

He nodded and pulled his angel closer, holding her gently so as to not corrupt her goodness

Carlisle approached his coven one day, confusion painted upon his face.

“It’s very strange. The White Star Line has been on the up for years and shows no sign of slowing down. But in the advice given by my future self he says I should sell my shares now. Do you have an opinion, Bella?” 

Her nose crinkled. “The White Star Line sounds familiar…” 

“It is a shipping company. They are building a line of ocean cruisers that are unsinkable, ushering in a new age of safety in sea travel. That's why I am so confused.” 

“...Is one of the ships called the Titanic?” 

“Yes, I believe so.” 

She laughed. “Yeah sell your shares. But, there is a film that will come out in 1997 that I’m sure you’ll really enjoy."

1910. Bella

“I just want to be sure I have this right, Bella. I am to work as a 21 year old newly qualified doctor in Columbus?”

“Yes.”

“But I am to leave after six months.”

“Yes.”

“And you cannot come with me.”

“Exactly.”

“And this is not a part of your overall plans?”

“I can neither confirm, nor deny, that this is part of my plans.”

Chapter Text

1911.

Carlisle had thought that his capacity for boredom was all but gone. He had the capability to fully recall any book he had ever read, he could learn a language within a day, he could entertain himself with complex mathematics for hours without writing a single thing down. But after decades spent in such pleasant company, he didn’t do so well in solitude. Those centuries spent on his own spread out in his memory as a time he couldn’t believe he’d survived. How did he ever cope before he had a family?

What’s worse was that he didn’t even know why he was alone. Bella sent him on a six month mission to Columbus, to claim that he’s twenty one years of age and work as a brand new doctor. She told him nothing else, just what to say when he arrived and what to say when he left; and not to use the Texan accent he had been putting on for the last few years.

He had thought that perhaps he would discover the reasoning behind Bella’s odd requests as time went on, but nothing of note happened at all. He worked, he hunted, he read, he wrote to his family; then he repeated.

At least it would be over soon. He was due to return to his family in three weeks, just three weeks more. Just three weeks more.

“How old are you, young man?”

Carlisle smiled politely as he pulled his stethoscope from his ears and gestured for the middle aged lady to button her blouse back up.

“I’m twenty one, ma’am.”

She looked surprised, or at least she tried to look surprised. Carlisle would be a fool not to notice the odd number of mothers, grandmothers and aunts suddenly needing checkups in the week he had covered this practice for. How excellent that they were all perfectly healthy, and how coincidental that they all had lovely young ladies so closely related to them. The dangers of small town gossip, he supposed.

“And you live alone in the city?”

He busied himself making notes on her chart. “Yes, ma’am.”

“What about your parents?”

“Long dead, I’m afraid.”

At least he didn’t have to lie.

She hummed as if this were new information to her. “Well I think it is remarkable that you manage so well all by yourself.”

He smiled, attempting to make it look genuine. She was trying to be nice, after all. “Thank you, that’s very kind.”

He finished her notes and dropped the file back on his desk with a flourish. “Well Mrs Dimble, I give you a clean bill of health!”

“Oh good!” She said as she let him help her off the exam table. “You know, I have a niece you should meet. Remarkable girl, very good at crochet!”

He barked a laugh as he steadied her on her feet. “Thank you, ma’am. But I’m afraid I won’t be staying in the area much longer. I have siblings who need me.”

“Siblings…” She pondered. “Where will you be going? Because I have a cousin who-”

There was a crash in the waiting room that cut her off.

“Help! Dr Harrison!”

Carlisle ran out the exam room without a second glance. A girl stood in the centre of the waiting room, batting away the hands of the startled receptionist who tried to calm her down. She looked to be about fifteen years old, her white blonde hair was falling out of the braid it had once been in and her light eyes bright and frenzied from running.

“What’s wrong?”

She jumped. “Where’s Dr Harrison?”

“He’s fallen ill,” Carlisle raised his hands in a calming motion, “I’m taking care of the practice. My name is Dr Cullen. Are you alright? Is someone injured?”

“Yes!” She gasped. “It’s my friend! It’s all my fault- She fell out of a tree and hit her head!”

Carlisle ducked into his makeshift office to grab his bag as quickly as humanly possible. Head injuries could be a tricky business, and were a great deal more interesting than his 4 o’clock appointment with Mrs West. He threw a jacket on and ran back out to the door.

“Can you lead me to her?”

The girl nodded and raced out the door onto the sidewalk. “This way!”

He kept pace with her as she raced towards the orchards at the end of town. She expertly navigated the long rows of apple trees to a gate at the back where it opened out to wide green fields. The smell of blood assaulted his nose, although not enough to be truly alarming. A girl in a white dress was huddled under a large oak tree, grasping her leg to her chest. Carlisle rushed towards her.

“Esme! I got the doctor!” Her friend called.

Esme looked dazed, but found it in herself to smile at her friend.

“I told you I’m fine!” She said, her voice quiet and subdued. “Just a tumble.”

Carlisle knelt down beside her. “I believe I will be the judge of that; if you have no objections, miss.”

She turned her soft smile towards him. “I suppose…”

With gentle fingers, he felt the back of the girl’s head. Her golden brown hair had been pulled from its bun on one side, there were some remnants of bark clinging to the strands. He carefully extracted them as he felt for bumps. She whimpered when he found a tender spot.

“Can you tell me your name?” He asked.

“Esme Platt…”

“Right, and the date today?”

“Um… May 5th?”

“Good. Your age?”

“Sixteen…”

“Your mother’s name?”

“Ariana.”

Excellent, her memory and speech were fine; and his investigation of the back of her head hadn’t yielded any troubling injuries.

“No bleeding there,” he told her as he extracted his hand. “Look at me?”

He softly rested his fingers on her jaw and moved her head around in the light, keeping his butterscotch eyes trained on her chocolate brown ones. Her pupils expanded and contracted in the way they should and he sighed in relief.

“I believe your head is quite alright, Miss Platt.”

She turned to her friend, her smile turned playful. “I did tell you, Claire.”

Claire spluttered. “You fell ever such a long way!”

Carlisle chuckled. “Surely you can forgive your friend for worrying, that appears to be a nasty bump. Now, do you have any other injuries? Do you think you can stand?”

It was somewhat of a redundant question. He could sense the tension she was holding in her thigh and shoulders, she was suppressing something very painful.

The girl bit her full bottom lip and glanced down at the leg still clutched in her pale hands. Under Carlisle’s sympathetic gaze, she hiked her skirts up to her knee to show where blood stained her white cotton stockings. The swelling on her shin was visible even through the coverings.

He grimaced at the poor girl’s pain. It was clearly broken, but he’d need to inspect it closer to know how badly.

“Do you mind if I take a look?” He asked.

Esme blushed and nodded. He respectfully averted his eyes as she reached up her skirts and unclipped her stocking from the suspenders, but when she bent to pull it down herself, she winced and he took over; careful not to touch her skin as he peeled the cotton off her calf. He took her shoe off too, as the swelling appeared to stretch down to her ankle and she whimpered as the pressure released.

“I need to feel the area to ascertain what kind of break it is.” He gently told her. “I warn you, it will most likely hurt a great deal… and I have very cold hands.”

She laughed, although pained tears pricked at her eyes. “Duly noted.”

He felt at the break with the lightest touch possible, but she still stifled a gasp and clenched her hands into fists. Claire dropped down to her friend's side and fussed over her, whispering words of comfort and encouragement.

Completing his assessment as quickly as possible, Carlisle gave the girl a reassuring smile and turned to fetch some bandages from his bag. “I’d say you are very lucky, Miss Platt. It is a clean break and your ankle is only sprained. You will need a splint, and to keep your weight off it for several weeks; but it should heal quite easily.” He grinned. “No climbing trees for a while.”

“Oh thank God…” Claire sighed.

“I will bandage it now,” he said, “then once we get you back to the surgery I can set it properly.”

“Should I run back to town and fetch some men to help move her?” Claire asked.

It would be much easier that way, Carlisle wouldn’t have to hide his strength. But Esme blushed even darker and seemed to curl in on herself. He couldn’t add anymore to her mortification.

“I don’t believe that’s necessary.” He said. “I can carry you. Of course… only if you are comfortable with it, Miss Platt.”

Her shoulders relaxed a little and she smiled gratefully up at him. “Yes, that’s fine Doctor.”

He returned her smile and carefully helped pull her skirts back down to maintain her modesty. He encouraged her to loop an arm around his shoulders then slipped his around her back and under her knees. He tried to make it look like he lifted with his knees, slowly, and with a slight grunt as if she were heavy to him. She wasn’t heavy at all, but he knew he looked quite lean and it would be suspicious to show too much strength. He arranged her in his arms so no pressure was on her injured leg and turned back to her friend.

“Could you please carry my bag for me… I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”

“Claire!” The girl chirped as she heaved his heavy leather bag with both arms.

Esme laughed as they began to slowly make their way back to town. “Your last name!”

“Oh!” She snorted. “Stevens.”

Carlisle grinned at the girl, although he felt a little guilty for not being able to help as she struggled with the bag. “Thank you for your help, Miss Stevens.”

“Oh it’s no bother!” She swung the bag to the side and stumbled with the momentum. “Thank you for saving Esme!”

“Just doing my job.”

At first Esme joined in their jovial conversation, but over time her face became more and more pinched with pain and Carlisle couldn’t help but speed his pace a little. Claire hurried to keep up and glared away any stares that could embarrass her friend.

When they finally reached the practice and carefully deposited Esme on the examining bed, Claire dropped the bag on the floor with a relieved sigh.

“Should I fetch your mother, Esme?”

Esme winced but nodded. “Yes please…”

Claire left, and Carlisle smiled reassuringly as he began to rifle through drawers. “You sound apprehensive.”

“She will be awfully cross with me.”

“For climbing trees?”

“Apparently I am too old for such childish things.”

Carlisle turned from his search to cast an appraising eye over the girl. Now he knew she wasn’t in any danger, he could appreciate that she was really very pretty. Her face was perfectly heart shaped, with soft full cheeks and pointy chin; her eyes were large and almond shaped and an expressive brown. She would be a gorgeous woman one day. But what was truly beautiful about her was the messiness of her light brown hair, the grass stains on her dress and her palms, the mud caked on her low heeled boots, that wild sparkle of youth in her eyes.

The day she becomes too old for such things would be a dark one indeed.

“You get in trouble often, I take it?”

She laughed. “More and more recently. But it is the first warm day of the year and it will get so humid soon. I had no choice!”

He chuckled too, bending down to search the cabinets. “Clearly.”

“What are you looking for?”

“A splint for your leg.” He sighed, straightening up. “I am yet to understand Dr Harrison’s system for organising his office.”

“I think he keeps them in that box…” She pointed at a case on the side, which sure enough held the needed splints.

Carlisle raised an eyebrow at the girl, who tried to hide her grin.

“I might have broken my arm two years ago.”

“Climbing trees?”

“Jumping the canal, actually.” She smirked and her cheeks flushed. “I almost got across.”

“Impressive.” Carlisle perched on the bed beside her and began to unwrap the bandages around her leg, he smiled sympathetically at her hiss of pain.

“Dr Harrison didn’t seem to think so,” she laughed, “is he alright? I forgot to ask.”

“Yes, he should be fine.” He taped the splint to the front of her leg, making sure the break was aligned. “He’ll be back within a week, then I’ll go back to Columbus.”

“Do you like it there?”

Her voice was tense with pain, but she was making a valiant effort to cover it.

“It’s pleasant enough,” he said, “but my family is in Oregon and I plan to join them there in a few weeks.”

“That’s so far away. You must miss them a great deal.”

He glanced up at her, “I do.”

She looked like she expected him to elaborate, tell her more about his wonderful family who were so far away, but something stopped him. He could have told her all about them; Bella, Jasper and Peter. He could have described how funny they were, how strongly they loved each other, how the sound of their laughter made every hardship he had ever faced livable. But he would have to call them his siblings, and they weren’t. For some strange reason he hated the idea of lying to her, this sweet girl who cared for others even when in horrible pain.

Thank God Bella told him to use his natural voice.

He stuck down the end of the bandage with a flourish. “You will need these changed in a week. In the meantime, no walking!”

She giggled. “Excellent. My mother will be thrilled!”

The lady in question bustled into the room as he was cleaning her daughter’s bleeding palms.

“Esme! Oh what have you done, you silly girl!”

Carlisle hovered out of the way as Esme was thoroughly chastised for her foolishness. Eventually, Mrs Platt realised he wasn’t her usual doctor and he had to awkwardly explain his situation, then bashfully accept thank yous and a handshake when Mr Platt arrived to carry his daughter home.

Esme sent him one last peaceful smile on her way out the door. “Thank you again, Dr Cullen.”

“You’re welcome.” He grinned. “Now go rest that leg. Careful you don’t break your neck next time!”

“I’ll try!” She called out as she was carried away.

Finally left alone in his office, he sighed. Over the years, he had met thousands of people, most of them completely normal, some wonderful, some terrible. But sometimes, very rarely, he met someone who was truly beautiful, inside and out. Someone who made the world better just by existing, made your life better just by knowing them.

These had been an awfully boring and lonely six months, but at least he had gained one positive. Meeting Esme had made his long life just that little bit brighter.

Chapter Text

Bella stood at the sideboard in their lesser used drawing room. The various unassuming drawers held her most treasured possessions; the words and photographs of the family she left behind. The Cullen boys knew what they could and couldn’t look at, Carlisle made a point of installing locks and giving Bella the only key. 

Although, there was only so much she could keep in for so long. Jasper and Peter knew everything, except of course for Alice and Charlotte - of them they knew very little. Alice was simply her sister, Charlotte was just a passing comment she accidentally made twenty years ago and immediately brushed off. 

This letter in particular had always been a favourite of hers. She couldn’t imagine any possible reality where her mother’s words wouldn’t make her feel loved. Lord, she missed her. She missed gardening with her, and listening to her stories, and her hugs, and her kindness, and everything. She missed everything. 

She would have her back soon. But for now, she would stand by the sideboard and quietly read her words again.

My dear darling girl,

I can’t imagine the hardships you must be facing, it is terrifying to think of. You are so brave, although of course I have always known that. I have always known of your kindness too. You didn’t have to do all this, but you did anyway. Never forget, that no matter what happens, that soul inside of you is kind and beautiful. You are good, Bella. Good to your core. 

Before I get carried away with how proud I am of my youngest daughter, I will give you the information you need.

I come from a small town in Ohio, called Fairview. It was a quiet little place, fairly self sufficient and out of the way of travellers. I spent my childhood running and playing in the fields and orchards, much to my mother’s annoyance! My father owned a construction company, it had been in the family for generations. He liked to say we built the whole town, and he wasn’t wholly exaggerating. He was a good provider, we were quite comfortable.

As you know, I met Carlisle when I fell from a tree and broke my leg. He was working in Columbus, but covered for Dr Harrison when the poor man fell ill. He died four years later, it was awfully sad. The day I fell from the tree was May 5th, 1911. I have always treasured my memory of Carlisle as a human - it was a large part of why I took to becoming a vampire so easily, I already knew he was a good man. 

I tell you this because it is my first request. I know you will have changed many things, which makes it incredibly unlikely that Carlisle will be exactly where he was originally, but perhaps it could be somewhat engineered? I know it is a lot to ask. Please know, even if you can’t do this, I still love you. Never ever doubt that.

I’m afraid I don’t have much guidance for the rest. I always wanted to be a school teacher, but in such a small town there weren’t many job opportunities; plus, my parents took it as a matter of pride that their daughters would never need to work. It disappointed them a great deal that I had to settle for Dr Evenson, no man ever caught my eye. In a way that was Carlisle’s fault. I was just sixteen when we first met. I knew nothing of love. But he was so kind and gentle and handsome, I couldn’t help but decide that one day I would marry a man just like him. I might have considered it a miracle if he came back, and I have no doubt that if my mother knew a young handsome doctor was in town I would be dressed up and paraded in front of him at every opportunity. Perhaps you could use that to your advantage? My mother was always very predictable. 

I often think of how much she would have loved you. She enjoyed sweet, clever girls. Girls who could sit and have an interesting conversation for hours, not needing to jump up and do things at all times, and not causing trouble and arguments all the time that need mediating. In short, I have a feeling that of all my children, she would like you and Jasper best. I must confess I’m quite excited at the thought of you two meeting her.

That is, of course, if you do manage to break Jasper out of the wars. That is incredibly worrying by the way, sweetheart. Please be careful, I can’t bear the thought of-

So absorbed in her letter, she didn’t notice the man standing behind her until strong arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her into his lap on the nearby sofa. 

Jasper laughed at her squeal and pinched at her sides until she laughed too.

“You came over all melancholy! You really must stop readin’ such sad things.”

“It’s not just sad!” She protested, weaving the letter away from his prying fingers. “It’s a happy kind of sad.”

“Esme’s letter again?” He exclaimed as he got a peak at the handwriting. “My days, Bells. The amount of times ya read that thing, she must be some master novelist.”

“No.” She slumped against him and enjoyed the warmth in his cold embrace. “I just can’t wait to see her again. And I’m so excited for you to meet her.”

He laughed and languorously ran his hand up through her wild hair. “Do you think she’ll like me?”

She grinned into the curve of his neck. “I think she’ll love you.”

Afterall, I do. 

Chapter Text

September 12th, 1915. Jasper.

      Remember when we walked to the North Pole? You had been recently turned and Edward hadn’t made his way back to us yet, after his self inflicted break down. It wasn’t just him though, everyone blamed themselves for Victoria getting to you. I did too. I was so focused on protecting the others that I didn’t listen out for you - the most fragile of us all.

      So there we were, you and I both miserable because everyone else was miserable. There was nowhere to take you to get away from it all because you couldn’t be near humans and we couldn’t go near the wolves because the smell just pissed you off so much. So what did we do? We grabbed Emmett and Alice and went on a hike - to the North Pole. Just because we could. It was by far one of the most whimsical and spontaneous things I have ever done in my long life, and I enjoyed every second of it.

      I’m sorry if I never made it clear how much I enjoyed spending time with you in those early days. I have spent countless years around newborns and always associated it with hatred, violence and pain. You showed me it didn’t have to be that way. I will always be grateful to you for that, and for so many other things.

Jasper turned the worn paper in his hands for the thousandth time. He had read it more times than he could count. The soft words of a version of himself that he will never become, written to comfort the slip of a girl he had met thirty years before. He envied that man for knowing her sooner, but he knew her longer, deeper. He knew her inside and out.

It was the only page allowed to him from the ridiculously large letter his future self wrote for Bella, and even that took months of pestering. He still wondered what else he said to her. He thought about what their relationship had been all the time. It was impossible for him to imagine ever thinking of her as his sister - even though that was the part she played in public. But she insisted on keeping her secrets, and he insisted on not thinking too deeply into how she was hiding something from him in the same way she hid Esme from Carlisle.

Esme wouldn’t be hidden much longer though. He hadn’t seen Bella so excited in decades, perhaps ever. They had been in their new house for less than a day. All their belongings were still in boxes. Yet she insisted that he, Carlisle and Peter put something nice on because she ‘had plans’.

He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was being tricked into something.

Still, he straightened his light grey waistcoat and threw the matching jacket on over the top. The Denali sisters kept them all supplied with clothes that suited the times, since apparently they couldn’t be trusted to do it. She was still messing around in her bedchamber, so he made his way across the hall to question her about these ‘plans’. At the door he hesitated, and with a devious smile he undid his tie and his top three buttons. She was beautiful when she was vaguely annoyed.

He rapped twice on the door as he opened it, not that she didn’t know he was there. She’d told him there would be more privacy in the future, when “soundproofing” had been invented. He yearned for the day that conversations didn’t have to be conducted in whispers and baths didn’t disturb the whole house.

Bella stood facing away from him, still grappling with her hair. It was an aspect of her life that vampire grace had sadly not helped with, doing it for her was a skill he’d learned quickly. With a chuckle, he came close behind her and pulled her hair away from her struggling hands. He smoothed out the tangles she had created and twisted it into a knot at the back of her head. She sighed and indignantly passed him the hair pins.

He patted the bun to show he was done and she whirled to mock glare at him. He tried not to laugh at the twist of her mouth, then failed in his efforts when she noticed his open collar. She rolled her eyes and set about fixing his buttons with a sigh.

She was lucky, her clothes had gotten much easier to deal with in recent years. Her blouses weren’t so tight, her skirts not so large. They rose half up her shins now and it was no problem at all, even in polite society. It almost made him sad, that he wouldn’t get to hear her swear when her train caught on things anymore. Maybe something in the fashions of the future will piss her off. He could only hope.

She tied his tie with practised ease, as if it hadn’t taken her weeks of struggling to get it right. She didn’t even look at it, instead glaring directly into his eyes. She was just showing off.

“So,” he smirked, “where are we goin’?”

She patted her finished knot and whirled away. “Church!”

He froze as he caught her bright smile in the mirror. Peter’s agonised groan and Carlisle’s corresponding laugh sounded from downstairs.

He cleared his throat. “You’ve never wanted to go to church before.”

“I’ve actually never been,” she smiled shyly, “I had to find a book on how to act.”

He snorted. “They make books on how to act?”

“Yeah!” She pulled a light straw hat out of one of the boxes on the floor. “I had to read so many etiquette guides when I first came back here!”

‘When I first came back here’. She liked to refer to her travels through time as if she had simply lived out of the country for a while.

He smirked and moved close behind her to flick her sensible hat off centre. “I haven’t gone to church since I was a boy. Why exactly are we going now?”

Bella rolled her eyes in the mirror and secured it with a hatpin. “Because we are fine, upstandin’ members of the community. The respectable family of the good Doctor Cullen.”

She slipped into her Texan accent like a soft pair of shoes; easy, comfortable and suiting her perfectly. Indistinguishable from his and Peter’s by even a native.

“Bella…” Jasper ducked down to whisper in her ear. “I once watched you make a man strip naked and dance before you killed him.”

Bella pouted. “You know I only copied what he would do to his victims.”

“And I also know how much you enjoyed it.”

She turned to face him, their faces barely two inches apart. Her mouth twisted into a wry smile as she whispered. “What exactly are you sayin’, Whitlock?”

He grinned. “Only that lyin’ is a sin, dear sister.”

She snorted and ducked under his arm to grab her coat. “That would be rather hard to avoid, don’tcha think? Now, we’re goin’ to be late for church… brother.”

Peter was sulking downstairs. He protested, loudly, that he could surely be the rebel brother that the whole family was ashamed of; but quietened quickly with a look from her. Both of them had learned not to question Bella’s plans - especially now. ‘Operation Esme’ would be a delicate business as it was, she didn’t need him and Peter making themselves difficult.

But it was more than that, he thought as they strolled to the church. He knew more than anyone how much Bella missed her family. Today she might see Esme again. Her mother.

But Esme wouldn’t be her mother yet, and he wasn’t sure how ready she was to deal with that.

She had prepared in some ways, she was posing as much younger than she usually did - 16. So at least Esme, at 20, would still be her elder. As per her instructions, Peter was 18 and he 21 to Carlisle’s 25. Bella said he needed to be of age to drink, so he could accompany Carlisle to ‘men’s only’ functions. She was lucky he loved her enough to sit through the thick boredom that always surrounded such things.

They entered through the gates to a quaint redbrick church. A few people chatted in the yard, but Carlisle led them straight up to the priest standing at the doors.

“Dr Cullen!” The priest smiled. “So good to see you again, oh and your family too!”

“Father Thomas,” Carlisle greeted and grasped Peter’s sulking shoulder, “please meet my siblings. Jasper, Peter, and Isabella.”

“God bless you, my children.” The kind man gestured inside. “You are most welcome. There is a pew at the back that is usually empty, on the right. Just until you get your bearings.”

Carlisle nodded his thanks and herded them through the doors, nudging Jasper and Peter to remove their hats. He looked right at home, although his father had been an Anglican priest not a Catholic one. Esme’s family was Catholic, so Bella decided they were Catholic. Carlisle didn’t mind, despite her lack of an explanation. ‘Jesus is Jesus’ after all.

They sank into their pew as the other parishioners started to file in. Bella was nervously bouncing in her seat between him and Peter, but all of a sudden went perfectly still.

A family of four had just walked in: a well dressed, middle aged couple, who were confidently making their way to a pew right at the front; followed by a teenage boy and a young woman. It was the woman who caught Jasper’s attention, Bella’s too. After all, she matched descriptions he had heard so often. She had a heart shaped face, large brown eyes and soft, light brown waves that matched her mother’s, pinned back under a simple hat.

Bella’s breath caught and her eyes went wide. Jasper was hit with waves of familial love, a warm feeling similar to what she felt for Carlisle. It mixed with a concoction of hope and loss and safety and yearning. He slipped his fingers between hers and squeezed her palm, making sure to hide their hands in the folds of her skirt.

She squeezed back but didn’t look at him. She kept her eyes on the back of her young mother’s head, until Peter nudged her and said people could see her being weird. Even then throughout the service, as they said their prayers, sang their hymns and narrowly avoided taking communion; her storming emotions never calmed and that fierce yearning never faded.

“Go in peace.” 

The congregation rose and poured out the church doors, only to congregate again in the church yard. Of course, the whole town was gathered in one spot, it was prime socialising time.

As newcomers, the Cullens were getting many curious looks; but without a proper introduction, no one approached. Jasper, Bella, and Peter kept to a corner, waiting for Carlisle.

He had been grabbed as soon as they left the church by some sweaty, pudgy handed man who kept calling him ‘Cullen’. The man then started going on and on about the house they had taken up and the problems they will surely have with it, and the less than savoury neighbours who apparently lived on their street. Carlisle smiled politely, but his family could clearly see the mask start to crack.

“Carlisle looks like he needs rescuing.” Peter murmured.

“Who’s he talking to?” said Bella.

Jasper thought back to the last time he saw the man. “The other doctor at the practice, I think?”

Carlisle responded to their whispers with a quick, pleading look.

Peter snorted. “I’ll go.”

He trudged up the church yard to where Carlisle was conversing with the unpleasant man. Carlisle turned to him as he got close.

“Ah Peter!” He smiled and gestured to the man beside him. “This is the other doctor at my practice, Charles Evenson. Dr Evenson, this is my brother Peter Cullen.”

The man raised a hand for Peter to shake. “How do you do, Mr Cullen.”

Jasper would listen to Peter being uncharacteristically pleasant and his no doubt imaginative excuse for Carlisle to slip away, but Bella had gone rigid beside him. He turned and was hit with waves of red rage the likes of which he had never felt from her. It was even worse than what she felt for Maria or Anton. More intense than her guilt or her loneliness or her fear.

She was staring hard at Dr Evenson, with a fury in her eyes that could be easily noticed by the people around them. She began to vibrate from holding herself back, a growl started rumbling from the bottom of her stomach. He wasn’t supposed to touch her too intimately in public, but he had to press a hand to the small of her back just to remind her where she was.

Her gaze snapped to his, too quickly for where they were.

“He’s a dead man,” she whispered, too quiet for any human to hear.

He nodded. “Noted. Think you can hold back until we’re done here?”

She growled. “I suppose I have to.”

Dr Evenson eventually tipped his hat and departed, convinced by whatever platitudes Peter had told him. Jasper didn’t notice or care, he was too focused on the girl beside him. Peter led Carlisle back to them, frowning as he noticed Bella’s rigid posture.

“Everything okay?”

“Yes,” Jasper rubbed Bella’s arm in an effort to comfort her when his gift couldn’t. “Maybe we should-”

Footsteps and a cleared throat caught their attention. Father Thomas was leading the well dressed, middle aged couple from earlier right towards them, their eyes on Carlisle.

Esme’s parents.

Bella whimpered. She had been waiting for this for so long, but right now it was too much; far too much. Her colours were swirling and clouding and nothing he did could calm them, she was overwhelmed.

“I need to get out of here,” she whispered, the rest of her body unmoving.

Carlisle was confused, and concerned - his normal combination when Bella did something he didn’t understand. “Why? What’s wrong?”

They were giving too much away, but there was no time to give him an excuse. They couldn’t risk being rude to Esme’s parents, their plan depended on their friendship. Jasper cut in, “Peter, go with her?”

Peter nodded solemnly and linked his arm through Bella’s. Together they walked out of the churchyard, avoiding meeting anyones’ prying eyes. Jasper watched as he whispered comfort to her down the street.

He turned back to Carlisle, who had his worry painted all over his face, and the priest who was very close by. Without time to talk, Jasper sent Carlisle a wave of reassurance and acceptance, hoping that it wouldn’t make him more suspicious.

“Dr Cullen!” Father Thomas called. “Please allow me to introduce two of my parishioners to your family; Mr and Mrs Platt.”

Carlisle smiled genially, Jasper’s mood control doing wonders. “Of course!”

Mrs Platt cut off his introduction, her enthusiasm too great. “I thought I recognised you, Dr Cullen! We have met before, you helped dear Esme when she injured herself.”

“Oh yes!” said Carlisle. “How is Miss Platt? I hope her leg healed well.”

“Absolutely perfectly.” The lady said,“Dr Harrison, God rest his soul, declared her good as new. He was very complimentary of your work.”

Carlisle ducked his head. “That was very kind of him. I’m glad Miss Platt saw no lasting damage.”

The lady smiled and fell silent, like her vaguely disinterested husband. Carlisle stood in awkwardness until he realised his blunder.

“Oh, my apologies!” he gestured to his side. “Might I introduce my younger brother, Jasper?”

Jasper grinned, removed his hat and bowed subtly. “A pleasure, Mr and Mrs Platt.”

“Likewise, Mr Cullen.” Mrs Platt said politely.

“I’m sorry our brother and sister aren’t here to meet you.” Jasper replaced his hat. “He felt faint and needed to go home.”

“Oh not to worry, I am sure we’ll meet them sometime,” she said. “Is your brother often ill?”

“Unfortunately yes.” Jasper said with a solemn look, trying not to laugh.

The church yard was emptying; Father Thomas had long since scurried off, and Mr Platt was looking around with impatience. Esme and her brother were nowhere to be seen.

“Perhaps it is time to be off, my dear,” he muttered.

His wife smiled happily, but the annoyance she cast and the elbow in his ribs told a different story.

The man cleared his throat. “Oh yes, of course. Since we are neighbours I was wondering if you two would like to join me for a drink and some cards? Would tomorrow night do?”

Carlisle opened his mouth to say no, but Jasper cut in first.

“We would be delighted, sir.”

“Excellent.” Mr Platt held out an arm for his wife to take. “I’ll send a card to your house with the details. Good day, gentlemen.”

Jasper and Carlisle waited for them to go and then followed at a safe distance.

“Why on earth did you say yes?” Carlisle whispered, annoyed.

“You’re the one who keeps saying we need to talk to humans more!”

“Talk to them, yes. Spend our evenings playing cards with them? No.” Carlisle sighed. “And now we will have to drink. It’s impossible to just pretend to drink alcohol, the smell is too strong.”

“It’s alcohol! It’ll evaporate eventually!”

“Yes.” Carlisle glared. “Eventually.”

“It’ll be fine!” Jasper grinned, after a few decades of living with someone you knew their weaknesses. “Besides, he’s a well to do man. He might have cigars.”

Carlisle paused and pursed his lips. “I do enjoy cigars...”

Jasper patted him on the back. “That’s my boy!”

Bella had recovered by the next day, although her feelings of apprehension and rage still hadn’t fully lifted. Jasper had to confess that once she told him who exactly Dr Charles Evenson was and what he had done to Esme, he struggled to hold himself back too. One day they would kill him, when it wouldn’t interfere with their plans. And they would do it slowly, carefully; with as much pain as possible.

With that soothing thought stored in the back of his mind, he smiled indulgently at Bella; who was excitedly sorting through tie options.

She held one up to his neck. “Did you know that wearing a combination of black, red, and white makes people statistically more likely to trust you?”

“Really?”

She paused. “Yeah, I must have read it when I was human… I guess I have to wait for that research to be done again to find out if I'm remembering right, don’t I?”

“I guess you do!” he laughed as she settled on a light blue tie.

“There,” she popped up his collar and started to tie it, “it makes your hair look more golden.”

“Is it really that important that I look good for this?” he whispered, softly holding his hand over hers to still her fidgeting fingers.

“No, I guess not…” she whispered back. “I just need to take control where I can, I suppose.”

He sighed and drew her tight into his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I know it’s hard. But trust me, okay? I’ll charm the asses off these people until they can’t wait to marry their daughter into our family. I’ll get Carlisle the girl.”

She wrapped her arms around his waist and nuzzled into his chest. “I know you will. I trust you.”

Carlisle was downright sullen on their way to the Platt house. He was emitting waves of confusion and frustration, a strange tone of electric purple. The man really hated being out of the loop.

“C’mon Carlisle,” Jasper drawled. “You don’t know this guy! He could be really interesting!”

“Jaz, there is literally a plaque on the front of our house saying ‘built by Platt & sons’. I know exactly what kind of man this is.”

“Nothing wrong with the construction industry! We’d be nowhere without it!” Jasper announced, then avoided Carlisle’s eye for the rest of the walk. Peter was much better at this deception shit than him.

Carlisle might have had a point with the plaque. The Platt house was incredibly ostentatious; with excess windows, dormers, and trims; a fountain in the drive and heavy double doors in the front. Jasper couldn’t help but snort a little at the gilded lion head knocker, but knocked anyway. He glanced at Carlisle, who was still swirling with suspicion but kept his face blank. He just had to hope that Mr Platt was a decent enough man to win over Carlisle’s better nature.

Sure enough, Mr Platt was a good man; maybe a little detached and disinterested. It was obvious to all parties (except perhaps Carlisle) why Mrs Platt had insisted they be invited here. But at least Mr Platt was an interesting conversationalist - so long as you're interested in buildings.

Finally, after a few rounds of cards and whisky in his wood panelled billiard room, the conversation moved from the benefits of timber frames to the people present.

“Can’t help but notice,” Mr Platt grunted, “that you have different accents.”

Carlisle laughed awkwardly, he’d never enjoyed lying. “I was sent to boarding school on the east coast for most of my teenage years, while the others stayed in Texas with our grandmother. The accent stuck, I suppose.”

Mr Platt raised an eyebrow. “Just the one of you?”

“I didn’t want to go.” Jasper explained. “Our younger brother Peter has always been very sickly. I couldn’t leave him, our sister, and our grandmother without protection.”

“Poor Peter…” Carlisle sighed. “He’s always had a weak chest. He’ll never work, I’m afraid.”

“He makes an excellent companion for Isabella though.”

“Yes, he’s a good lad like that. Just such a shame that he’s so ill all the time.”

They both smirked into their whisky glasses, remembering the indignant look on Peter’s face the last time they told everyone he was sickly.

The man shrugged at this display and nodded.

“Besides!” Jasper continued. “Carlisle has always been the clever one!”

“Ah yes,” Mr Platt smirked. “The famous doctor who saved our Esme.”

“I only set her broken leg.” Carlisle smiled.

“If you listen to my wife, you’d think you brought her back from the brink of death!” The man sighed. “Honestly, it’s a good thing you’re a decent fellow-”

A knock sounded at the heavy wooden door, he barked for them to enter.

To no one’s surprise if you know Mrs Platt, Esme poked her head around the door.

“Father, Mother says she needs-” She noticed his company and gasped.

Jasper and Carlisle stood immediately in respect, but bless her soul; she clearly had no idea that they would be in there. She wasn’t dressed for any company, let alone gentlemen callers. Her gown looked casual and comfortable, her hair unbound and curling around her shoulders.

“I’m so sorry! She didn’t say you had visitors!”

“It’s no matter, dear.” He crooked a finger as an invitation to enter. “I have a feeling there’s a reason she didn’t tell you. Do you remember Dr Cullen?”

She turned her bright smile towards them. “Of course. A pleasure to see you again, Dr Cullen.”

Carlisle inclined his head towards her. “And you, Miss Platt. I’m delighted to hear that your leg healed without complications.”

She laughed. “Yes, I was back to climbing trees after a few months. Much to my mother’s dismay.”

Carlisle laughed back, then turned and introduced her to Jasper; who politely acknowledged her.

“They have a sister a few years younger than you, Esme.” Her father said. “I’m sure your mother would enjoy your being friends.”

“Oh yes, I’m sure Isabella would be delighted to make your acquaintance.” Jasper smiled. “She spends far too much time with her boring brothers, she yearns for female companionship.”

Esme returned his smile politely. “That would be nice!”

“What was it your mother wanted, my dear?”

She turned to smirk at her father. “The key to the silver cabinet.”

He rolled his eyes. “It is in the second drawer in my desk - where it has always been.”

“Well you can’t deny that that was a lot more pleasant than you expected.” Jasper announced as they reached the lane.

“I suppose.” Carlisle chuckled. “Mr Platt was nice enough, and there were cigars.”

“I’ll never understand why you don’t just buy cigars, since you love them so much.”

“They’re an extravagance.”

“And your point is? We don’t eat! Put the food money we don’t use into your cigar habit.”

“The food money goes into moving house every five years,” Carlisle laughed.

Jasper joined in and let them fall into a companionable silence.

“Miss Platt is very pretty,” he ventured.

“She is.” Carlisle agreed. “Careful, or I’ll start to think you have designs on a woman who isn’t my daughter.”

“Isn’t that what everyone wants?” Jasper scoffed.

“No, it’s what Bella wants.” Carlisle sighed. “I don’t know this Edward boy from Adam. Besides, even if she does prefer him, I would still be offended on her behalf if you strayed.”

“Doting father that you are,” Jasper joked.

Carlisle grinned. “Indeed.”

“So… you treated Miss Platt for an injury last time you were here? You never mentioned it.”

“Why would I mention it?” Carlisle frowned. “Yes, she fell from a tree, snapped her tibia bone clean in half. She was brave, a very charming girl.”

“And it appears she’s grown into a charming young woman.”

“Mm,” Carlisle agreed. “So it would seem.”

They walked home side by side, dreading having to cough up the alcohol they had consumed. But Jasper kept a spring in his step. He had done his job.

Step one: complete. 

Chapter Text

September 19th, 1915. Bella. 

A week after moving, Bella prepared for another morning spent in church. She had been getting away with just changing her broaches, blouses and shawls for the last few days to make it appear that she changed clothes; but then she and Peter went hunting and one misplaced wrestling move snapped all the bones in one half of her corset. Good thing Irina had made her so many spares. 

So Sunday morning she finally bathed; picked a couple of stray twigs from her hair where her bun had hidden them, scrubbed the dried blood off her arms and face, and sat in front of the rarely lit fire to impatiently wait for her hair to dry. Not for the first time, she yearned for showers and blow dryers. 

With a fresh chemise on (she ripped the last one without noticing) she carefully wrapped a new corset around her torso. The bones were still rigid and unused to the curves of her body, if she pulled too hard she could damage it. One thing going back to the past had changed for her was her opinion on clothes. When you only had a few dresses, you had to take amazing care of them and you definitely had to like them. Back during her jeans and tshirt days, she never had as much affection for her garments as she did now. 

It being unworn, the laces were loose in strange places and she fumbled to pull them tight without snapping them. She had her back to the mirror but had never quite mastered looking behind her and doing something fiddly at the same time. 

There was a quiet knock at the door, she sighed. 

“Come in Jasper.” 

He had a sheepish grin on his face, as he always did when he sensed her frustration and offered to help without being asked. He just couldn’t stop himself. 

She glared halfheartedly at him, then turned her back to him and pulled her hair away. 

“Please?” 

He came close behind her and started at the bottom, pulling the laces just tight enough that the garment moulded to her body, since her body could never mould to it. He gently tightened each section, working up to the middle of her waist where the laces were left long for tying - then he moved up to the top. 

Here was a little more intimate, as he pulled it just tight enough over her breast, knowing the exact contours of her body. He worked down, his fingers lingering over her shoulder blades and the lines of her back, caressing to the small of her waist where he finally tied the laces in a simple knot. Then he slowly pulled them around to tie properly in the front, where he secured them just below her waist. 

He was done, but he stayed exactly where he was. His hands resting on her stomach, body so close behind her she could feel his breath stirring her hair. This was hardly the first time they had been in this position, not nearly, and Bella had two choices. She could politely thank him and move away, he would smile as if it didn’t sadden him and they would chat about some inane thing while she finished dressing. Or, she could stay. He wouldn’t do anything, he never would; not if she didn’t start it. But she could stay and enjoy it, just for a second. 

She wavered, but gave in to the easy option and rested her hand over his, lent her back against his chest and smiled at the lips pressed softly to her shoulder. What little they had would have to end soon, but for now she would cling on. 

The church yard was, as ever, a pleasant place to chat and people watch on a late Sunday morning. They still got curious looks, as the newcomers, but Jasper and Carlisle had established themselves at their jobs (legal clerk and doctor, respectively) and so they weren’t quite so strange and interesting as they might have been. In fact, they were finding themselves quite popular. Jasper and Carlisle had been pulled away to talk to the families of coworkers, leaving Bella and Peter to entertain themselves. 

“Miss Cullen!” 

Bella turned from Peter’s enthusiastic commentary on Father Thomas’s secret late night indiscretions with a farmhand to the lady bustling through the churchyard towards her. 

“Mrs Platt!” She greeted in return. “How are you this mornin’?” 

“Quite well, my dear. Quite well.” She smiled genially at Peter as he tipped his hat to her. “I wondered if you might like to take visit me and Esme this afternoon?” 

“Oh!” Bella tensed for a second, drawing strength from Peter’s prompting hand on her back. “That would be lovely!” 

“Excellent,” the lady turned to return to her impatiently waiting husband, “we will see you at three!” 

Bella took a deep calming breath and smoothed down the front of her most sensible day dress. It came down to just above her ankles, made of a light blue gingham to highlight her youth, with a loose matching jacket tucked into a sash at her waist. Her long mahogany hair was pulled back into the loosest bun she could manage, with loose tendrils pulled out around her face. She looked damn adorable. 

She stood at the Platts’ heavy front door and intimidating brass knocker. It was staring at her, its blank eyes mocking. 

This was ridiculous. She was a vampire, an eternal being, fifty-four! She shouldn’t be so freaked out at the thought of spending time with a twenty year old girl. But it wasn’t just a girl, this was Esme - her mother. But this Esme wasn’t her mother yet, and might never be. 

She shook herself. Esme would definitely never be her mother if she just stayed on the doorstep like a weirdo. A rush of confidence suddenly filled her, almost familiar enough to have been her own. Of course, it wasn’t. Jasper was loitering nearby. 

She sighed, and finally knocked loudly and clearly on the door. 

It opened almost immediately, by a maid who gave her a look that said she knew exactly how long she had lingered on the doorstep. Bella gulped down her mortification, put on a smile and asked for Mrs Platt. 

She was shown into a bright drawing room, pleasant enough but unnecessarily ornate in strange places. Mrs Platt and Esme sat on the plush velvet sofas; Esme sketching and Mrs Platt embroidering. They looked up and beamed at her entrance. 

“Miss Cullen! How lovely to see you my dear. Please sit.” Mrs Platt ushered her to the sofa beside Esme. “Mary? Tea, coffee and some of the scones if you please.” 

Mrs Platt settled back into her seat and smiled at her guest. “I’m so glad we finally have a chance to chat, Miss Cullen. My husband has spent time with your brothers, but he somehow doesn’t seem to know a thing about you!” 

Bella laughed. “Thank you very much for invitin’ me; Mrs Platt, Miss Platt.” 

“Oh,” Esme lightly touched Bella’s arm, “do call me Esme!” 

Bella tried to cover how hyper focused on her arm she was and smiled back. “Then please call me Isabella.” 

How she longed for the day that it would be acceptable for non family to call her by a nickname. 

“So, Isabella.” Mrs Platt said as the drinks was brought in. “My husband tells me you are an orphan.” 

Esme turned to her mother with wide eyes at an incredibly uncouth thing to just come out and say, but Bella couldn’t help but be amused at the lack of tact. Mrs Platt was just as straightforward as she had been described. 

“Yes,” she said. “My parents died when I was a baby, my grandmother raised me and my brothers.” 

“But you do not live with her now?” 

“No.” Bella took the cup of coffee Esme had gracefully poured for her. “She passed away four years ago.” 

“Oh I am sorry. Is that the reason that Dr Cullen left here before?” 

Bella nodded into her cup. “Yes, he didn’t want us to be alone. Jasper was still young.” 

“So then you were raised by a governess?” 

“Um, no. No governess.” 

“No governess?” Mrs Platt raised an eyebrow. “My dear, you were raised from age twelve just by your brothers? Do you have any other family?” 

“We have some cousins living in Canada, but other than them,” Bella shrugged, “it’s just us.” 

“So you have had no female influence whatsoever?” Mrs Platt gasped. “How on Earth have you managed? Men are perfectly fine, but there are some things they just can’t do.” 

Esme cut in. “It must be lonely.” 

“A little,” Bella smiled. “But I am close with my brothers. Peter and I spend most of our time together, and Carlisle has always taken such good care of all of us.” 

“How wonderful.” Mrs Platt said. “Mr Platt did tell me your youngest brother was sickly, I do hope it’s nothing serious.” 

Bella covered her snort with a sip of coffee. 

“It’s not serious,” she said, “he’s just always had a weak chest and can’t exert himself too much.” 

“Good. Now, will you be starting school next week? I assume you will enjoy the chance of making new friends.” 

“Yes, I am.” 

“Oh!” Esme grinned. “I volunteer at the school on Wednesdays to help the little ones with reading. I hope I will see you there!” 

“I hope so too!” 

“And even if you don’t,” Mrs Platt sternly handed her a scone despite her trying to refuse it, “I hope to make these Sunday visits a regular occurrence, Isabella. I can’t have you spending such tender years only in the company of men.” 

“Thank you, Mrs Platt.” 

After an afternoon of pleasant conversation and wishing Mrs Platt goodbye, Esme kindly escorted Bella to the door. 

“I’m afraid I must already apologise for my mother,” she shrugged softly and handed Bella her shawl. “She does love taking girls under her wing, but she means well. I assure you.” 

“Oh, I don’t mind.” Bella replied. “It’s nice that she cares, despite barely knowing me.” 

“Well, we both do.” Esme reached out and pressed her hand, an encouraging smile on her face. “I hope we will be very good friends, Isabella. In fact, with the same woman mothering the both of us, we are almost sisters!” 

Bella laughed along, although a part of her started screaming. She made her excuses and rushed out the door, waving halfheartedly back to Esme as she left the drive and entered the street. One word kept echoing through her mind. 

…sister sister sister sister sister sister… 

She was so preoccupied as she walked home that the scent of an unknown vampire took her by surprise. She had glared so hard at the sidewalk that she didn’t notice the man staring at her from the middle of the street. 

But then the wind changed, her head shot up and she met his blood red gaze. 

He tilted his head to one side in question and smirked. 

“I wondered why a group of our kind seemed so settled among humans,” his voice was too deep to be pleasant, “but it appears you are practically humans yourselves.” 

Bella tried to smile in a way that didn’t betray how much she wanted to rip him to pieces. How could she allow a human drinker near Esme when she was still so fragile? 

She sensed movement from inside the house. The others had heard them. 

Carlisle appeared at the door. “We didn’t realise there was any of our kind here,” he said. “Won’t you come in away from prying eyes?” 

The man shrugged, and Bella followed him into the house. Jasper and Peter were on their feet in the sitting room, already on alert. 

The man eyed them, and their scars. “My apologies for infringing on your territory, I used to spend time here before I went to Europe. I just came back and thought I’d look in.” 

“No harm done.” Carlisle smiled and gave the others a look. At ease. “However, I must insist that you do not hunt here.” 

Roger nodded. “Fine. But, why would you choose to live among humans like this? How can you stand it?” 

Carlisle gestured to his home. “Would you stay for an evening? I can explain all, and I’m sure coming from Europe you have some interesting stories of the war. We also have bathing facilities should you want them.” 

Roger still looked on edge. He couldn’t seem to look away from the two scarred men staring at him for too long, but gratefully accepted Carlisle’s offer all the same. 

Roger joined them in the sitting room once he was washed and dressed in some of Peter’s old clothes. They chatted and traded stories all night. He was rather grizzly, a bit aggressive and prone to taking offence at small transgressions; but he delighted at the trio’s stories of their time as nomads, and his descriptions of what he had seen in Europe captivated them all. They could not begrudge his company. 

When the sun was beginning to peak over the horizon, he finally stood to leave - lest he be stuck in their house all day. Carlisle called Jasper and Peter upstairs to fill an unused bag with clothes they wouldn’t miss, leaving Bella alone to entertain the nomad. 

“You know…” He crept close and murmured to her. “It sounds a great deal like the nomadic life suited you.” 

“I suppose,” she said, “but I much prefer living among humans, not hunting them.” 

“Well…” He stepped a little closer, a little too close to be comfortable. “If you ever decide to go back to that life, I keep a permanent correspondence address in New York.” He rattled off a sequence of numbers and letters. “Feel free to contact me, you’ll find I can be a very… agreeable companion.” 

Bella could be a little clueless in these matters, but she was fairly sure she was being hit on. Sure enough, so was Jasper. A growl rumbled from the doorway where he stood, murder in his eyes. 

Roger’s eye’s shot up from where they had been cemented on Bella’s neck and he took a respectful step back. Jasper filled the gap, shooting to her side and pushing her a little behind him. 

Bella had seen him angrier, but for some reason he seemed almost afraid. He lost control of his gift. He projected thick waves of rage into the room, strong enough to affect even the calmest man. Bella shook it off, recognising it as an emotion not her own - but Roger clearly didn’t. His growls grew to match Jasper’s. 

“Jas…” she whispered, squeezing his shoulder. “It’s fine. You need to calm down. Deep breaths.” 

Jasper snapped out of it and swallowed his growl. The waves dissipated away, leaving the nomad distressed and confused. 

Roger shook himself and stared warily at the empath. “My apologies,” he said, “I couldn’t detect any strong marks, so I assumed she was unmated.” 

“An assumption…” Jasper growled, snaking an arm back to pull Bella closer. “You should leave.” 

Roger raised his eyebrows and glared daggers at Jasper’s aggression. “It was a simple mistake, I meant no harm.” 

“I don’t care. Get out .” 

Jasper glared at the man until he ran out the back door without a word of goodbye to anyone; then he finally turned and pulled Bella tightly into his arms, burrowing his face in her neck and inhaling deeply. Bella mechanically wrapped her arms around him, patted his back and stroked his hair. Peter and Carlisle crept in, walking on eggshells around Jasper as if he were a ticking bomb. 

Essentially he was. He was acting like a vampire who’s had his mate threatened. It was fair enough, a natural reaction governed by instincts. But they weren’t mated. 

Everyone was acting like they were. The nomad took one look at Jasper’s reaction and thought they were mated, and Jasper didn’t correct him. Peter and Carlisle seemed totally understanding, no confusion at all. Because they knew this reaction, this was normal for mated vampires. But they weren’t mated. 

Bella pulled back as soon as Jasper loosened his grip, and rushed upstairs as soon as she could with the excuse of getting ready for school. Thankfully, Carlisle would escort her as her guardian, not Jasper. 

She hadn’t fully thought this part of her plan through. It wasn’t something anyone had predicted. But now she was faced with having to break up this relationship that never officially started. She had to go get Edward in 1919, four years time. What had been a vague event on the horizon suddenly became a looming deadline that she wasn’t sure she had time to meet. She needed to distance herself, turn their relationship into what it always should have been. Maybe they could never be brother and sister, but they had to be platonic. Was four years enough time to cool their relationship into an innocent friendship? 

It would have to be. 

Two weeks later. Jasper. 

“Well wasn’t that a pleasant outing?” Jasper stretched in his chair like a cat. “Mr Platt sure is good company.” 

“I suppose…” Carlisle eyed him warily. “Honestly, as much as I appreciate Mr Platt’s friendship, I’m not sure why you seem to like him so much. I have never seen you show so much interest in a human before.” 

Carlisle was a little too suspicious. Jasper had had to cut in again to stop him rejecting Mr Platt’s invitation to drinks and had been overly friendly the entire time they were there. But at least he had backup, now they were home and debriefing Peter in the sitting room. He only wished Bella was there, but she had apparently gone hunting. 

Jasper shrugged. “He’s a nice man, so’s his family. I like straightforwardly good people. They’re rare sometimes.” Carlisle still looked unconvinced, Jasper elaborated. “But mainly I like being in his house. His daughter, Miss Esme, has such pure emotions and they radiate through the whole building. It’s like a hug.” 

It wasn’t even a lie. Esme’s emotions were remarkably pure, sweet and warm. Even though he had only spoken to her a few times, Jasper could see why Bella loved her so much. He had struggled to believe that in the future he considered a woman seventy years younger than him as a mother figure, but once he met her he understood it. 

Carlisle grunted and stared at the crackling fire in the hearth. “Miss Platt is a very sweet girl.” 

“Woman.” Peter corrected, lounging on the couch. “She’s twenty Carlisle, don’t wanna be disrespectful.” 

“Err.. quite.” Carlisle muttered, confused. It was a strange thing for Peter to say, since Carlisle’s own daughter was in her fifties and still just a girl in his eyes. 

“I get the feelin’ she fits with you quite well,” Peter continued, “and her mother clearly wants a relationship between the two of you. You ever considered it?” 

Carlisle’s eyebrows rose. “A romantic relationship with a human? No. I haven’t considered romantic relationships with anyone in a very long time.” 

“No reason why you couldn’t, with control like yours.” 

“I suppose, but…” Carlisle shook his head. “It would just be strange. She’s hundreds of years younger than me.”

“Bella was involved with an older vampire when she was human.”

“Yes, but he was much younger than I am.”

Peter scoffed. “What’s the difference between 100 years and 300 years really?”

“About 200 years I believe.” Carlisle sighed. “Even if I got past the age gap in general, Miss Platt is younger than Bella. Even if I did develop feelings for her, that would be too strange to get past.” 

A wave of panic drew Jasper’s attention outside. It was most definitely Bella. He quickly excused himself and darted outside, where she stood silently freaking out in the yard. 

“It’s alright, Bells,” he whispered. “It’s just a setback. He’ll come around.” 

Bella accepted his embrace when he offered it, but she stood rigid in his arms. Her emotions were drawn in, like she was holding them in. He looked for the gold, but when he found it it was dull and cloudy. She was hiding something from him. 

He almost said something, but then they heard Carlisle brush off Peter’s insinuations again and he could only hold her tighter. 

He would keep working at Carlisle forever, to make her happy. He would get her her mother, no matter what it took. 

Chapter Text

October 15th, 1915. Bella. 

In her previous schools, Bella had always managed to make friends. With her… unique perspective on current events, she found herself more fascinated with other people than she ever had been before. She never really stopped feeling like a tourist. 

But this time she couldn’t help but struggle. She was so stressed about dealing with Carlisle, and Jasper, and her unexpectedly complicated feelings about Esme, it was hard to keep up the normal act long enough to make a friend.

School was so much more boring when you had to go on your own.

She was pretending to eat in the back of the lunchroom, where hopefully no one would look too closely. Mid morning, the weather had suddenly gotten oddly sunny for the time of year, so all the other girls’ attention was on the fun they would have after school. Bella just hoped she wouldn’t have to hide until it got cloudy again. She pulled out a book and began to read, alone.

Until, of course, she wasn’t alone anymore. 

She felt a familiar breeze tickle at her neck, groaned, and turned to her new companion.

Selena looked the same as she had every time before: transparent, floating, swamped in clothes too big for her, and bored out of her mind. 

Bella sighed. “Oh look, it’s you again. Do you think you could stop popping up at inopportune moments?”

The phantom rolled her eyes as if it were completely reasonable to just appear at random times and demand attention. The last time had been seven years earlier, while Bella was mid conversation. She didn’t say anything, as per usual. She just raised her hand and pointed east.

“No no no.” Bella hissed. “We’re not doing that again. It was helpful the first time, but I’m not spending days just running in the direction you point again. Next time you show up, do it in a room with a map so you can actually show me where you want me to go.”

Selena just glared at her and disappeared, leaving Bella with a rather rattled feeling that carried through until the end of school.

It was still sunny when the last bell rang, so Bella gallantly offered to tidy the classroom before she left. The teacher was overjoyed and ran out with barely a goodbye.

Bella was cursing the stubborn sun and ordering the pencils by length and colour, when there was a knock on the door and a delighted cry.

“Isabella! What are you still doing here?”

Esme looked beautiful, as always. Her warm caramel hair was pulled in a bun at the nape of her neck and curling around her ears in the front, her dress was baby blue and flowy. Her smile lit up the room. 

She was followed in by another girl who looked about the same age, very tall and with white blonde hair.

“Er,” Bella stammered into her fake accent. “I was just tidyin’ up the classroom before I went home.”

“How very dutiful of you!” Esme laughed. “We were just here to work with the little ones. Oh! This is my friend Claire Stevens. Claire, Isabella Cullen.”

Bella pasted on a confident smile and shook the girl’s outstretched hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Miss Stevens.”

“Please, call me Claire.”

“Right!” Esme exclaimed once the awkward introductions were over. “This room is spotless, Isabella. I think your task is done! Come, we’ll walk you home.”

“Oh!” Bella glanced out the window, the sun was behind a cloud but still dangerously bright. “That’s not-”

“I insist!” Esme tucked Bella’s arm in hers and pulled her to the door. “It’s almost dinner time, your brothers will worry!”

Bella let out a nervous laugh and snatched her wide brimmed hat from her peg by the door. She angled it carefully so it would cast shadows over her face and thanked her lucky stars that she had a pair of gloves in her pocket.

“I burn easily in the sun,” she said at Claire’s quizzical look.

“I see,” she laughed, “I did wonder. I met your brother a few years ago and remember thinking he was remarkably pale. Is your family Irish?”

“English.” Well, Carlisle was at least. 

“How interesting!” Claire said as they passed through the front doors into the dangerous sunshine. Bella lagged behind a little on Esme’s arm in an attempt to keep any stray sparkles out of her eye line, but then Claire linked with her other arm as they walked down the lane. Bella crossed her fingers and hoped she could blame her accidental shining on jewellery. 

“Dr Cullen treated Esme’s broken leg when he was here last, you know.” Claire continued, giving Bella a look that very much showed she was fishing for information.

“Yes, he told me!” Bella grinned over at Esme. “He said he was impressed by your intrepid nature.”

Esme blushed. “Well at least someone was!”

“He seems like quite a kind man,” Claire ventured.

“Yes, he’s always been very kind. I think that’s why he wanted to be a doctor. He likes helping people.” Bella kept an eye on Esme’s reaction, or lack of one. Of course, Esme knew he was kind. “But he’s funny too! He often joins in when Jasper and I prank Peter, our other brother. He’s no stiff.”

“It must be nice to have such brothers,” Esme smiled.

“No sisters though!” Claire smirked. “I suspect you must yearn for one of those.”

Bella knew what Claire was hinting at. It wasn’t so much of a hint as a neon flashing sign, but it was that word again. Sister. Pretending that Carlisle was her brother was one thing, because in private he very much wasn’t. But if Esme joined the family thinking they were sisters… Bella wasn’t sure she could bear it.

She attempted a tense smile and nodded. The other girls traded a look and carried on conversing without her input.

They were eventually met on the lane by Jasper, as they neared the Cullen house. He must have been trapped in his office like Bella was at school. 

“Ladies!” he called and jovially tipped his hat with a little bow. “Good afternoon!”

Esme kindly greeted him, introduced Claire and engaged him in lively, pleasant conversation. He clearly noted Bella’s pinched expression and gently brought the meeting to a close, thanking the girls for ensuring his sister did not get lost or kidnapped on her way home.

Esme laughed. “It’s our pleasure, sir. We’ll see you soon, Isabella?”

At Bella’s nod, she linked arms with Claire and walked away. 

Jasper immediately went to wrap his arm around her, but Bella rushed into the house before he could. She couldn’t deal with feeling conflicted and guilty about two things at once. 

The house was empty, Carlisle and Peter were still out. Jasper’s whisper stood out in the silent hall.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m trying to be,” Bella gasped from a safe distance away. “I don’t like being a similar age to her. I really don’t like being older than her, I really really don’t… It was so much easier with you and Carlisle!”

“Hey, it’s alright.” He took a step towards her with his arms outstretched, but she darted backwards out of reach. He frowned. “Have I done something?”

“No…”

“Well then what is it? There’s clearly something else botherin’ you.”

“I…” Bella sighed, there was no getting around it. “It’s 1915.”

“Correct.”

“So, in four years…”

He gulped, his eyes went wide and his nostrils flared. “In four years you will leave and marry Edward. And what? You’ve decided to get the leaving process started early?”

“It’s so we can still be around each other afterwards!” Bella couldn’t keep eye contact when he looked this betrayed. “So maybe we can tone down whatever our relationship is now to just friends!”

“Just friends?” Jasper growled. “Bella, I know we never defined anything but you really think you can just snap your fingers and change it? You think we can forget the last 30 years?”

“No! I…” A part of her had hoped they could. “It sucks, okay? But it’s what has to happen!”

“Because you want him more?” 

Hidden under all that anger was a hint of insecurity that broke Bella’s heart. She couldn’t lie.

“No, I don’t want him more.”

“Then why?” he gasped. “Why are you trading our happiness for the wishes of a man who doesn’t exist anymore? I don’t understand!”

“You don’t know all the facts yet!”

“Then tell me all the facts!”

“I can’t!”

“Why the fuck not? What fucking secret is worth this?”  

He was shouting now, Bella cringed away. This was hell, this awful position she had landed herself in. 

It wasn’t just about her, it hadn’t been for a long time. It wasn’t about Edward either. It was about Jasper and Alice. Even if Bella did leave her husband and agree to an official romantic relationship with Jasper, she would still need to go get Alice. There’s no way she could leave her sister behind. So when Alice turns, her first vision will be of Jasper’s face, they’ll fall violently in love the moment they see each other - just like last time, and then Bella will have ruined everything. 

Jasper was too loyal to just change his mind and leave her. Once he committed, he was in for life. So he would be forced to love Alice from afar, and Bella would know. Even if she left him, she would be an awkward hanger on, baggage. He could never marry Alice in those circumstances. She would have to leave so they could be happy. 

And then what? Both Edward and Jasper would be lost to her, she would have disregarded the wishes of everyone she loved, and she would have to spend the rest of her days alone. 

Perhaps it was a bit of a dramatic conclusion to come to, but it was a thought that she couldn’t shake. No, the only way to guarantee that any of them could be truly happy was to make sure any semblance of romance with Jasper was gone way ahead of time.

She just shook her head and refused to answer. Jasper snarled and turned away.

“I would never try to ruin anythin’ for you,” he muttered. “But I will fight you on this until the day you show up on another man’s arm. Understand?” 

She nodded, just wanting to be done with this conversation. He sighed and straightened.

“I’m gonna go hunt. Don’t wait up.”

Once his footsteps faded into the distance, she finally let out the dry sobs collecting in her chest and clattered to the floor. Crying for the relationship she never should have had.

Carlisle. 

Carlisle had to walk down main street to get home from work, so he decided to be extra careful and waited until evening to avoid the bright sunshine. 

It had been a decent day, aside from the turn in the weather. His patient load was low, no one was dying, someone had even sent thank you flowers for his work a few days before. It had been awkward at lunch, when Mr Platt’s son had arrived with an invitation for dinner that night. He had had to come up with some excuse and felt terrible about it, but he drew the line of friendliness at having to force himself to eat.

When he got home it was just Bella there, staring out the window. She quietly told him that Jasper was hunting. She seemed upset, but before he had a chance to ask Peter bounded in with blood red eyes.

Carlisle sighed. “Please tell me nowhere near here.” 

“Don’t worry, old man.” Peter grinned. “I went to the other side of Columbus. And I’ll go suck down a bunch’a animal blood so it’s less red.”

“Stay indoors for a few days too,” Carlisle said. “We’re not moving again just because someone thinks you’re a demon.”

“Jeez, I forgot once!” he groaned, then perked up and glared in Carlisle’s direction. “Oh yeah, I’m pissed at you!”

“Oh? Why’s that?”

“This morning some lady at the market patted my arm and said it was good to see me ‘out and about’ . Did ya’ll tell people I’m sick again?” 

He couldn’t help but burst out laughing, even Bella who had stayed sullenly silent was giggling in her seat by the window. Peter spluttered out some objections about how he was a killing machine and of course he had to turn to slaughtering humans if they kept destroying his ego like this, but they could barely hear him.

“Oh yes…” Carlisle wheezed. “If anyone asks, it’s your birthday today.”

“Well many happy returns to me,” Peter drawled. “Why’s it my birthday?”

“I needed an excuse to get out of dinner with the Platts.”

“You what?” Bella finally spoke up, her expression unreadable.

“The Platt boy - do you know his name?”

“Alexander.”

“Ah, Alexander. He came to my office to invite me to dinner, obviously I said no-”

“Why?” 

“I…” Carlisle frowned. “What do you mean ‘why’? I’d really rather not have to eat. And besides, it’s Jasper who wants such a close friendship with these people. The invitation didn’t even include him, so why should I go?”

She was angry. His daughter hid her emotions far under the surface but he knew her well enough to see that. But it didn’t make any sense, why should she be angry that he didn’t want to go to dinner with a bunch of humans?

“Bella, what is it?” he asked.

“I just…” She groaned and buried her head in her arms. “ Shit. I just can’t today!”

“Bells…” Peter murmured, in a tone that almost sounded like a warning. 

That ball of frustration in Carlisle’s chest grew and grew. It wasn’t just Bella hiding something from him, it was everyone. 

“I don’t understand!” he snapped. Peter and Bella stared at him like he’d grown another head. “I adhere to your instructions because you know better, but this doesn’t make any sense! Why am I using my real voice when that makes our backstory complicated and unrealistic? Why did you send me here on my own four years ago and then have us come back? Why are you all insisting on this connection with the Platts?”

Bella shot to her feet and shouted. “Can’t you just trust me?!” 

He stared at her. Her eyes were black, her chest heaving. He had never seen her be so aggressive towards him before. But as he watched, that anger drained away into such exposed despair that all he wanted to do was wrap her in his arms and make everything okay.

“Of course I trust you,” he whispered, holding out a hand to see if she would take it. “I just…”

She flinched away like his words could cut. Peter put his arm around her instead.

“Maybe you should take a walk…” he murmured. “Just for a couple hours. I’ve got her.”

“I…” Carlisle sighed as his daughter’s shoulders started to shake in her adoptive brother’s arms. “Alright. I’ll come back in the morning.”

The air was brisk when he found his way outside, but he was too lost in his thoughts to concern himself about not wearing a jacket and keeping up appearances. He had always known that Bella was hiding things from him, she admitted as much when they first met. The letter from his future self said that he felt it was a good idea, so they would still enjoy the little surprises in life. He supposed that made sense. 

He sighed. He trusted Bella more than anyone. She travelled sixty years further back in time than she needed to to make their lives better, he had to trust her. Didn’t make it easier though. 

He rounded a corner and thought it through. What strange things was Bella insisting on? Him using his real voice? Well there was no explanation that he could really think of for that, other than that it meant he wasn’t lying all the time. He had been grateful for it when he first met Miss Platt.

The Platts felt like a large part of this conspiracy. Jasper had never particularly liked interacting with humans before, but he was insistent on meeting with them. Bella was more social than him, but even she didn’t visit humans voluntarily. Peter kept going on at him about Miss Platt the week before, and they all often looked at each other when she was mentioned. As if they knew something he didn’t. 

They had heavily hinted that he should start a romantic relationship with her. Heavily. Maybe that was what he didn’t know? Maybe they were trying to engineer events to be similar to what happened originally?

Was that why he was sent here four years earlier? To meet her?

What would have been his original circumstances? If Bella hadn’t entered his life, he was fairly sure that in 1915 he would be alone, no children to worry about. Edward was originally turned in 1918, Bella had told him that when they decided to push it forward a year. Besides that, Bella’s task was to prevent horrible things from happening to her family. If Esme Platt was part of her family in the future, maybe turning her was originally necessary to save her life?

He shook his head to clear it, this was all far too complicated. The only person who knew the full truth was Bella, and she wouldn’t tell him anything. There was little point in trying to predict it. So what did he think? He hadn’t contemplated his own feelings about women in a long time.

Esme was lovely, and he truly meant that. He often struggled to remember his human days, but he knew full well that if he had known her then he would have tried to court her. It was strange to even consider entering into anything with a human, especially since he had a fifty year old daughter. But Esme was beautiful, kind, and funny. He enjoyed her company when he had it. She lit up any room she was in. He just didn’t know her very well. 

As if summoned by his thoughts, the lady in question appeared around a corner; looking rather harried with her arms stacked full of packages.

“Miss Platt,” he greeted.

Her head shot up to look at him, but she stumbled in the process. One of her packages fell from the pile in her arms.

Carlisle had run forward and caught it before he could really think it through. She blinked as if confused, as he’d crossed the lane in the time it took the package to hit the floor, but she said nothing about it.

“Dr Cullen,” she replied with a smile, “how good to see you.”

“And you, although isn’t it late to be collecting the mail?”

Esme sighed. “My mother’s society group is having a raffle tomorrow and I completely forgot to pick up the prizes. I had to run before the store closed!”

“Well then please let me help,” Carlisle steadied the rickety pile, “and perhaps escort you home?”

“Thank you.” She beamed behind her pile of parcels and let him take the majority of them. 

He walked her home; one part of his mind lingering on the things his daughter was hiding from him, the other admiring the way the setting sun glinted off Esme’s hair. 

Perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad to get to know her. 

Chapter Text

October 18th, 1915. Carlisle.

“Miss Platt! Good morning!” 

Carlisle beamed and tipped his hat to the lady in question, crossing the road and leaving Peter to stare incredulously at his back. 

She smiled sweetly. “Doctor Cullen! How are you this morning?” 

He informed her that he was very well. "How are you? I have been meaning to ask how the raffle went!” 

She snorted into an unladylike laugh. “Oh I’m sure it’s been eating you up inside!” 

“It has! I could barely sleep!”  

Peter finally shook himself out of his stupor and crossed to join them, looking at Carlisle like he was speaking in tongues the entire time.  

“Good morning Miss Platt,” he said, “my brother and I were just running some errands.” 

“Oh, me too!” she smiled. “My mother bought what must be half a catalogue and tasked me with picking it up. I may as well take up a job as a mailman! But I’ve learned from last time, and I’ll take several trips instead of risking it all with one.” 

“Well then please let us help!” Carlisle offered before Peter could.  

She demurely agreed and walked to the post office at his side, leaving Peter to trail behind them wondering what he had missed.  

Once Esme and her numerous packages had been deposited at her home, Carlisle did an about turn back into town. 

Peter jogged at human pace to keep up. “You wanna explain what just happened? And where are we goin’?” 

“Mr Platt’s office.” 

“Why?” 

“To apologise for missing his dinner a few days ago and invite him to our house for drinks.” 

“Wait, what? ” Peter exclaimed. “Who are you and what have you done with Carlisle? Since when do you care about the Platts?” 

“I have thought it through and had a change of heart,” Carlisle said without looking back, “Miss Platt is a good person and I realised that discounting the possibility of any romantic relationship with a human or someone younger than Bella was foolish.” 

“Seriously?” 

“I’m not saying I’ll marry her, but I would like to get to know her.” 

“Bella’s gonna have a heart attack…” 

“This is a good thing, right?” Carlisle stopped and turned. “I’m doing the right thing? She’s been struggling with something.” 

“You’re not just doing this because you think Bella wants you to, are you?” 

“Well that’s one part of it…” said Carlisle. “I trust her judgement, and she has far more insight than me. Clearly, Esme Platt is something in our future, and you obviously know about it. None of you are good at being subtle. That’s what made me consider the possibility. But the more I think about it, the better it sounds. She really is very nice.” 

“Very nice!” Peter scoffed, “Damn, Carlisle! Anyone would think you’re thinkin’ with your dick!” 

Carlisle spluttered, caught between a laugh and righteous indignation. He started walking again, trying to pretend Peter never said dick in the middle of the street. 

Mr Platt’s secretary was a kind, but scatterbrained lady. She greeted the two men, started up a loud conversation with them about taxes, and completely forgot that she hadn’t informed her employer that they were there. He ended up coming out himself, hearing voices from his office.  

He beckoned them in, interrupting his secretary’s rant about the state of the roads. She followed them and grasped Peter’s sleeve. 

“Oh my, I forgot Mr Cullen! Do you need anything? A glass of water? A place to sit down? I do think it’s so brave to be out with your condition!” 

Peter’s eyes dropped closed and he heaved a heavy sigh, he turned to give Carlisle the darkest of looks. 

“No,” he said, not taking his eyes off the man he wanted to mangle, “thank you.” 

Carlisle bit his lip to stop himself from laughing.  

Mr Platt was, once again, blandly pleasant to talk to. He happily accepted their offer of drinks that weekend, and insisted that his wife would throttle him if he didn’t invite them to dinner in the meantime. Peter managed to back out with a vaguely believable excuse, Carlisle decided to just suffer through it. Perhaps it wasn’t necessary, but it would most likely make Bella happy.  

Bella was, indeed, ecstatic. She chose his tie for him, a lilac one he had never seen before. She set about tying it, even though he had been doing it himself for literal centuries, grinning to herself like a child at Christmas.  

Carlisle’s heart swelled at her barely concealed glee. “Shall I tell Miss Platt you said hello?” 

Her wide eyes flit up to his face, she bit her lip and nodded. He hugged her extra tight on his way out the door.  

The Platts were as warm and welcoming as he imagined, the mother obviously overjoyed that he’d finally agreed to join them for a meal. He heard her whispering about it with the cook in the next room, how this was a good sign that Esme had turned his head.

Unsurprisingly, Esme was forcefully steered to sit next to him at the table. Her mother insisted that it was in case he needed anything. Esme blushed and smiled apologetically at him. He realised he didn’t mind. 

Mrs Platt beamed at the assembled table. 

“That is a very nice tie Dr Cullen.” 

“Oh, thank you. My sister surprised me with it just today.” 

“It’s a very interesting colour,” the lady stared imploringly at her daughter, “wouldn’t you say, Esme?” 

Esme’s blush deepened, she smiled sheepishly at Carlisle. 

“Lilac is my favourite colour.” 

“Is it?” he grinned, suspicions about Bella’s true knowledge verified. “Then Isabella made a good choice.” 

Dinner would have been a lovely affair if it wasn’t physically painful for him. Clearly a lot of additional effort had gone into it: the food, the decorations on the table, and Esme who looked particularly lovely. It was a little awkward at first, but after some prodding from her mother Esme told him about the books she liked and her newfound interest in botany. Being a doctor, Carlisle had many opinions on the subject and they found themselves discussing plants until the rest of the table moved on without them.  

The food was a struggle. Carlisle truly felt bad that so much effort had gone into it. He moved it around, denied second helpings by blaming a large lunch, and hid some in a handkerchief when no one was looking. The bits he did eat he managed not to choke on. He was quite proud of his poker face. 

After dessert, he had a quick drink with Mr Platt which thankfully covered the rancid taste of chicken, then joined the rest of the family in the sitting room. Esme had dug up a book on African flower types that he had not yet read, and they spent an hour looking over it together.  

Later than was strictly proper, he finally took his leave. He shook Mr Platt’s hand, thanked Mrs Platt for her splendid hospitality, clapped young Alexander on the shoulder and told him to come see him at the surgery one day; and couldn’t help but press Esme’s hand for a little too long, and drag his eyes off her as he turned to leave. 

He walked home thinking of a pair of sparkling eyes, a soft smile, and a quick mind. 

Then he threw up in a bush. 

Chapter Text

October 27th, 1915. Carlisle. 

“Are you sure about this?”  

Jasper stiffened. “Yes.” 

Carlisle sighed and side stepped a child barrelling out of the school gates. He had gotten out of work early and decided he might as well walk Bella home from school. The fact that he knew Esme would be there had nothing to do with it. Of course. 

He had to hand it to Bella, or perhaps his future self; he was far more compatible with Esme than he had ever imagined he could be. He had dined with the Platts three times in the past two weeks and every time found her to be interesting and funny and quick witted. She was inherently kind and gentle in a way that made her instantly endearing to everyone she met. But when he looked deeper, he found this devilishly intelligent woman who was full of entertaining observations and secret smiles. He had no doubt that she could hold her own with Jasper and Peter, even when they weren’t being perfect gentlemen.  

So what had started out as an effort to appease his daughter had turned into a budding friendship that deeply added to his happiness.  

Or perhaps more than a friendship…  

He hadn’t expected this. He hadn’t expected to truly develop feelings for this woman. He didn’t want to raise any expectations - especially considering that something could happen and he’d have to move the family with a second’s notice. Could he really have a relationship with a human? Could he marry a human? He pondered and pondered but was still unsure.  

But it wouldn’t be of any note to anyone that she happened to be there while he accompanied his ‘sister’ home. 

Jasper was an unexpected addition though. He apparently had the same idea, although for different reasons. They had met at the gate.  

“Look…” Jasper murmured, “Bella has been avoiding me for nearly two weeks. She won’t even look at me, let alone talk to me. She’s being an idiot. So I figured if I show up while she’s with Esme, she won’t be able to shake me off without lookin’ weird.” 

“And then when we get home? She’ll just avoid you more.” 

“No, she’s only doing it because she’s scared I’ll jump her or that I’m pissed at her or whatever. It’s all fear. So we’ll have a pleasant walk home where I show her that there’s nothing to be scared of. Then she’ll talk to me again.” 

Carlisle sighed. “Jaz, I feel like you’re ignoring the root cause of all this…” 

“Well what am I supposed to do?” his voice lowered into a gravelly whisper. “How else am I supposed to… I never thought that she would actually…” 

Leave him... 

Carlisle could only swallow the grief he felt for his adoptive son and friend, and squeeze his shoulder, very aware of the prying eyes of children around them.  

It didn’t last long. Bella and Esme emerged arm in arm from the main school building and Jasper’s vulnerable expression morphed into a too forced smile.  

Esme squeezed her arm. “It looks like you have two chaperones this afternoon.” 

Bella sighed. “You’d think I can’t find my own way home.” 

“I think it’s nice that your brothers care so much for you!” Esme grinned and bumped her friend with her shoulder. “Mine certainly doesn’t!” 

“Well your brother’s a fool.” 

They finally moved close enough to Carlisle that he didn’t have to pretend he couldn’t hear them. He cheerily greeted both ladies, inquired after Bella’s day at school and Esme’s work with the little ones. Esme answered happily, but Bella grew sullen and quiet, her eyes darting back and forth between Jasper and the ground.  

The empath sighed and held out an arm for her to take.  

“C’mon Bells,” he said, then added in a whisper so low Carlisle almost couldn’t hear it, “let’s leave the lovebirds to it, shall we?” 

Bella’s head darted up so quickly it was almost comical (if a bit inhuman). A grin stretched over her face as if she hadn’t noticed exactly what was happening in front of her. Carlisle couldn’t help but feel his chest lift at her joy. Jasper shared a similar expression, his loving eyes fixed on her face and the curve of her cheeks. 

She turned and took Jasper’s arm, leaving Carlisle to offer his to Esme. At first she appeared somewhat stiff at Jasper’s side, she barely spoke despite his attempts to engage her in conversation. But slowly, very slowly, she relaxed on his arm and they started whispering in earnest about topics Carlisle didn’t know of and in tones he could barely hear. He got so lost in his children in front of him, he almost neglected the woman beside him. Almost.  

She paused in her description of her experiments in how different light conditions were affecting her flowerbeds and grinned at the two they were following. 

“What do you think they’re whispering about?” She quietly asked.  

Carlisle snorted, this was one of the few times where he didn’t actually know. They were speaking so quietly he could barely hear at all.  

“They’re plotting something, most likely.” 

“Oh?” Esme smirked. “I can only guess what that might mean.” 

“They enjoy the odd practical joke,” Carlisle said, “particularly ones they play on Peter.” 

“And do you enjoy them too?” 

He glanced down at the playful look about her mouth, he grinned back. “I can’t lie. Peter’s reactions make all the fallout worth it.”  

She laughed. “How nice it must be to have a close group of siblings. I’m not close with my brother, it has never bothered me. But I look at Jasper and Bella and wonder what I’m missing.” 

“They are very close…” Carlisle said, careful to skate the line between their cover story and the truth of exactly how close those two were. 

“I’m not sure close covers it! You can tell how devoted they are to each other. When they talk it’s like listening to two people speaking as one, they are so perfectly in tune. Every time one of them enters the room the other aligns themselves with them, I’m sure they don’t realise they do it but I’ve noticed. I can only dream of caring for someone that much, and they were just born into it.” 

Bella’s shoulders had stiffened, but she kept walking; perhaps even a little closer to Jasper’s side, just as jovial as before. Surely even she couldn’t deny just how true Esme’s words were. Nobody who saw them together could ever think them indifferent to each other. He didn’t know what Bella was thinking. As if she could hide a love like that. 

Who knows, maybe one day he might know love like that. It was something he had never dared hope for, but he looked down at the lovely woman on his arm and... 

No. He was thinking too far ahead of himself. His indecision smacked him in the head like a tidal wave. She was a human, a young human woman with her whole life ahead of her. She didn’t know what he was, she didn’t know what she was getting herself into.  

Not noticing his discomfort, Esme resumed her chatter about her adventures with plants and he let himself be drawn back into it. She was truly remarkable. It was all he could do to not look lost as he observed the low lying sun glinting off her butterscotch hair, the pink blush of her cold nipped cheeks, the glint in her eye and the dimple beside her mouth.  

Maybe he was kidding himself just as much as Bella was. 

They finally, reluctantly, reached Esme’s lane and she left his arm, waved happily to Jasper and Bella and walked up her driveway. When Carlisle turned from her, perhaps a little slowly, he found two wry looks directed back at him. 

Jasper grinned. “You’re smitten.” 

Carlisle sighed. “I like her, I’ll give you that.” 

“Please, Carlisle. I can feel your emotions. You’re smitten, go get her!” 

He sighed. “I can’t. Not now.” 

Bella frowned. “Why not?” 

“Because I’m a vampire!” Carlisle sighed and gestured for them to keep walking.  

His children traded looks he knew too well before rushing to keep up with him. 

“Wait, you're a vampire?” 

“When were you gonna tell us?” 

“Stop it,” he grumbled. They gently laughed behind him. 

“But seriously, Carlisle. Why’s that a problem?” 

He sighed and slowed down so they could keep pace with him without looking suspicious. “Because she’s a human. Because being with her would put her in untold danger. Because what life can I give her? One where she has to leave everyone she knows to hide the fact that her husband doesn’t age? Or where she has to turn to be with me? I can’t ask her to make that decision, she’s too young.” 

Bella frowned and took his hand in hers. “I made that decision when I was 17. I knew that staying with you guys meant I risked being attacked and turned. I decided it was worth it. I chose to leave my family and friends behind and turn into a vampire to be with you and although it was hard sometimes, I never regretted it. Not once.” 

Carlisle looked down at his sweet daughter, the best thing to ever happen to him. He extracted his hand from hers and instead pulled her to his side and pressed a kiss to her head. Who cared what the neighbours thought. 

“You’re remarkable,” he murmured. 

Bella shrugged. “So’s Esme. She might make the same decision, but you’ll never know if you don’t give her a chance. 

A week later, a cloudy Saturday afternoon prompted Bella and Carlisle to take a pleasant stroll around the park before they made their appearance at the market. They had garnered a reputation around town for generously donating so much food to the poor. Why, it was almost as if they didn’t eat with how much they gave away! 

They went to market every week to keep up their human disguise, but this Saturday Bella insisted they go to the park and people watch for a while. Carlisle acquiesced, because who was he to deny her anything? Besides, people watching was rather fun.  

They walked at a gentle pace, her arm looped around his, listening to the idle chatter and raging arguments of the people around them. Carlisle made the odd comment about the occasional interesting piece of gossip, but Bella seemed distracted. She kept checking her watch, and then when they passed by a particularly interesting looking tree she slowed down dramatically, pulling him to almost a stop too. 

“Bella?” he asked. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing!” she rushed out, just as a very familiar voice came floating in from the distance. 

“Oh!” Bella gasped, an odd smile on her face. “Is that Esme? We should wait here and say hi!” 

He raised an eyebrow but said nothing. His daughter was truly the worst liar he had ever come across, it was a wonder she’d managed to get through the southern wars without them seeing right through her.  

Esme had a similar look on her face as she and her friend Claire rounded a corner and ‘happened’ upon them. 

“Oh look!” Claire grinned. “Dr Cullen, Isabella! How lovely to see you!” 

“And you Miss Stevens, Miss Platt.” Carlisle murmured and tipped his hat. 

“What a surprise!” Bella beamed. “Claire, I had been meanin’ to discuss that book with you!” 

“Oh yes, the book!” Claire replied and grasped Bella’s arm. “You don’t mind us joining your walk, do you?” 

“Oh we would be delighted!” Bella linked arms with Claire and they set off down the path. “It was a long book, we have a lot to talk about.” 

Carlisle was left standing next to Esme, who was clearly trying her best not to laugh. Her shoulders shook, her chest heaved and her lips clamped together until she couldn’t keep it in anymore. 

“My God!” she gasped. “That was the worst acting I’ve ever seen!” 

Her giggles were infectious and Carlisle couldn’t help but join in. “They were awful weren’t they!” 

“Terrible!” she quipped as her breathing calmed down. “Look at them,” she nodded up the lane where the two girls had slowed down and were glancing over their shoulders. “They’re worried their plan didn’t work, bless their souls.” 

“Well…” Carlisle smiled and put out his arm. “Shall we give the people what they want?” 

She smirked, a light blush still staining her cheeks, and threaded her arm through his. “I suppose we’d better have.” 

They chatted as they strolled, about this and that and everything. Bella and Claire kept a careful distance in front of them, close enough to chaperone but far enough to give privacy. It was so obviously planned between the two that he wouldn’t have been surprised if Esme’s mother was in on it too. 

Esme said about the same, and Carlisle took great pleasure in teasing her relentlessly about her parents being somewhere around the park with binoculars. She burst out laughing and turned the image to them hiding in the bushes with a periscope, and he couldn’t help but feel his heart flutter as she giggled. She was everything he had ever wanted, although he hadn’t let himself want in a very long time.  

Maybe, maybe it was alright for him to want something for himself. Maybe it would be alright to try. 

They finally reached the end of the lane and the end of their walk. Esme grew shy as they drew close to her friend and his ‘sister’. She walked considerably slower and ducked her head to hide a blush.  

“Perhaps…” she whispered, “perhaps it might be nice to do this again sometime?”  

Carlisle beamed, he would have blushed too had he had the ability. He considered for half a second, then he let his heart take over his head - for once. 

He released his grip on her arm and held her hand instead, he lifted it to his lips and slowly kissed the smooth skin of the backs of her fingers. He lingered longer than was strictly appropriate and glanced back up at her. 

She was scarlet. Carlisle realised he hadn’t even answered. 

“I would like that,” he smiled.

And so followed four months of loosely chaperoned walks, a shared pew at church and pleasant parlor visits. The Cullens joined the Platts for Christmas and the Platts joined the Cullens for New Years. The entire undead family got very good at pretending to eat and Carlisle and Esme just got closer and closer - to everyone’s joy. 

Expectations were most certainly raised, the town had been gossiping about just when Dr Cullen was going to propose to Miss Platt for months. But Carlisle still held back. Esme didn’t seem to be in a particular rush, so he just let himself enjoy it. He enjoyed her. He pulled himself out of his own head and his heart fell for her in its stead. 

February 8th, 1916. Bella. 

With the last of the snow and ice melted, Esme and Bella finally felt safe walking home without one of the Cullen boys to escort them and protect them from slipping over. Bella would never get over being a vampire that could still trip over her own feet. 

They walked arm in arm, shoulders rubbing together as they huddled for warmth. (Although Bella had a feeling that Esme actually got colder being this close to her.) 

She loved this friendship. She loved Esme, both the one she had in the future and this one in the present. But she still couldn’t help but feel the wrongness of it all. This was sisterhood, and Esme had never been her sister. She tried to get past it, but thus far hadn’t managed to.  

They came up to the turning into Esme’s house, but continued on the lane. Esme was coming to the Cullen house to return a book she had borrowed from Carlisle. She couldn’t have just given it to Bella to give back to him, of course not. That would be rude. She had to thank him in person, that was just politeness. Obviously.  

Nothing suspicious about it at all. 

Bella was distracted by her friend, by her conversation, and her scent pressed so close to her. She didn’t smell him or sense him until it was too late. 

Roger was back, exactly where she had met him last time - in front of the house. But this was different. His clothes were ragged, matted in blood. His eyes were bright and recently fed. His smile was manic.  

Roger was here for a fight. 

“Bella,” he greeted, “how lovely to see you.” 

Bella swallowed. She wasn’t sure if she should hold Esme tighter or push her away. 

“Roger,” she replied. “What brings you here?” 

His eyes glinted at her discomfort, they flitted towards Esme and his smile grew. 

“Is this your friend, Little Miss Bella?” he drawled, “Such a pretty little human.” 

Esme flinched, cringing away as all humans did when a vampire did something to illustrate how other they were. Bella stepped a little in front of her and softly touched her arm, careful enough to placate but placed well enough to push her away.  

She spoke softly, and forced every ounce of vampire thrall she had into her voice. 

“Esme, go home.” 

She had never been very good at dazzling people, and without eye contact Esme resisted completely. 

“But… Bella.” 

Bella dared to take her eyes off the red eyed man to glance back. She smiled in a way she hoped was comforting. 

“I know him. I’ll be fine, my brothers are just inside. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” 

Esme gaped at her for a moment more, but Bella couldn’t keep her eyes off Roger for too long. She waited until Esme’s quiet ‘okay’ and footsteps faded away to move. Her heartbeat lingered around the corner, but at least she wouldn’t see.  

“What are you doing?” Bella growled below the human register. 

Roger leered at her. “What am I doing? What are you doing? That little human stinks of you. Getting too close to the food are we?” 

“She is under our protection. You were told not to hunt in our territory.” 

“It’s not hunting if it’s justified.” He dashed closer to her and grinned, there was blood between his teeth. “The Volturi would be very interested to know about this questionable company you keep. Perhaps I’ll go sort out the problem for you. Neutralise the threat.” 

He took a step in Esme’s direction, still hidden behind a bend in the road. Bella’s hand shot up and hovered over his throat before his foot hit the floor. A threat. 

“Perhaps we should discuss this somewhere more private,” she murmured, “there’s access to the forest behind the house.” 

He smirked at her and shrugged. He turned and made his way to the side gate of the house with an arrogance that would get him killed sometime soon. He, of course, knew that she had lied to Esme and there was no one inside. He, of course, assumed that Bella was an easy target.  

She followed just behind him as they walked through the back yard and into the thicket beyond a hole in the fence. She kept walking until they reached a point where humans couldn’t hear the inevitable fight, then stopped. He turned to face her, grinning like he’d already won. 

She focused on her alarm and rage. That overwhelming feeling that thudded in her ears as she processed just how much danger Esme was in. She gathered it and projected it, willing it to be a beacon to draw Jasper to her.  

“You seemed so nice when we first met,” she whispered. 

“That was before your mate disrespected me,” he sneered. “I’m not inclined to forgive when someone pisses me off.” 

He’s not my mate lingered on her lips, but there was no point in insisting on it now.  

“So… what?” she wanted to feign nonchalance, but had to stay rigid still, muscles ready to spring. “You’re going to punish us by killing a human we care for?” 

“To start with.” 

She took a breath, then sensed what she had been feeling out for. There was a ripple in her emotions, a jolt of warmth that weaved through the blanket she was pushing out. Jasper had felt her. He was on his way. 

She returned her attention to the red eyed monster. 

“You know I can’t let you do that.” 

He huffed out a laugh. “Fine. First I’ll kill his mate. Then I’ll kill his pets.” 

Bella smirked. “Try me.” 

He was truly a fool, an arrogant fool. He charged towards her, arms outstretched as if she’d let him crush her. She stood still until the last second, then ducked and skidded to the side. She grabbed his arm as she spun towards his back and kicked him right between the shoulder blades. He went flying forwards. Her grip on his arm wasn’t strong enough to rip it fully from its socket, but it let out a satisfying creak as it cracked along the joint. It hung on a thread. Useless.  

He jumped to his feet and spun to face her. He roared, venomous spittle flew in every direction.  

He ran towards her, one knee bent. He anticipated her going low again, so she went high. She ducked a little so he would lunge to the floor and instead leaped over his head. She span in the air, landing in a crouch and swinging her leg out to sweep his feet from under him.  

He kicked her in the ribs on his way down. She went skidding backwards, pushing her weight to the balls of her feet so she wouldn’t fall. Still it gave him time to jump up.  

He was an idiot, and he was bad at fighting. But Bella could feel cracks forming where he’d gotten a blow in on her. She trained often, but it had been a long time since she was in a real fight. 

The sound of soft footfalls drifted towards her. Her coven was nearly there. She just had to stall a little more.  

She needed a good move. A finisher.  

He had ducked into a crouch, searching for her weaknesses. This time she came to him. She took a running leap, as high as she could go. Her instinct was to tuck her legs up but she ignored it and stretched out. To her relief, her aim was true. She crossed her ankles, hooked the heels of her boots over each of his shoulders, then sharply uncrossed as he fell to the ground.  

He flipped onto his front. She straddled his back. Dug her feet into the ground. Hooked her arm under his chin and pulled up. She wasn’t quite strong enough to contain him and use her teeth. 

He snarled and tried to buck her off, so she slammed the small of his back with the palm of her hand. His spine snapped and he howled. He had no use of his legs, for maybe 30 seconds. Internal injuries were so quick to heal. 

The running got louder louder louder. She had to contain him for only a moment more before her boys came charging from the cover of the trees.  

No words were said as they raced to her side. This was a practised dance.  

Each slammed a knee to his shoulders, wrenched his arms off and pinned him down. Bella was safe to sink her teeth into his neck and rip his head off. It landed several feet away.

He blinked and snarled even as a disembodied head. Howled soundlessly as Peter and Jasper used Bella as leverage to pull his legs off. 

They scattered the pieces far apart from each other, so he had no chance to reform while they waited for Carlisle. Jasper searched her quickly for damage, only stepping away when he was satisfied with what he saw.  

Carlisle shot through the trees, not as fast as the others but clearly going at his top speed.  

He spared a glance at the corpse surrounding them then raced towards his coven.  

“What happened?” he barked, fully in the coven leader persona he so rarely let shine through. 

“He wanted revenge for the way he was treated last time he was here,” said Bella, “threatened Esme and then me.” 

“Damn.” Carlisle cursed. “Are you okay? Is she?” 

“We’re both fine. I think he killed recently, it might be a good idea to find out who.” 

“Okay.” He paced, eyes intense, rage evident.  

Peter slapped his thighs. “Shall we burn him?” 

Force of habit and built in deference caused them to look to their leader for guidance. Carlisle hesitated for half a second, then nodded. 

“Do it. Take him out of the forest so the fire doesn’t spread. I’ll listen in at the precinct for word of any killings.” 

He ran back in the direction of town while his children gathered the body parts and made for the plains. It was better to do this under the cover of night, when less would notice a bonfire with sweet smelling smoke. But there wasn’t time for caution.  

The flames jumped high as they hit his flammable venom. The three jumped back so it wouldn’t catch their soaked clothes.  

Carlisle was home when they arrived, still clearly agitated.  

“Did you find out who he killed?” 

“Farmer,” he grunted, “police think it was an animal. I checked at the Platt house, Esme is home safe.” 

“Good…” Bella sighed, “are you okay?” 

“No.” He growled. “Her life was endangered because of us. Our protection can only go so far.” 

His indecision was evident, but Peter still felt the need to put it into words.  

“So you have two choices. The only other vamp who could pose a threat is now gone. We could leave. Our scent would fade and she’d just look like a regular human. Or you marry her so we can protect her completely.” 

Carlisle stayed still and silent, as if he had not heard. Bella cringed, internally begging him not to make them leave. Jasper absently grasped her wrist and took the edge off her panic. 

“So, what’ll it be?” 

He sighed and turned to look at his family.  

“She deserves to have a choice in this. We need to tell her the truth.” 

I desperately wanted to call this 'Rogered 2: The Rogering' but was too much of a coward to follow through.

Chapter Text

‘…but we are meant to be, Bella. I have always believed that this family is meant to be.’ - Alice.

February 10th, 1916

Carlisle.

Although the winds were growing warmer and spring loomed in the distance, by the time 5 o’clock came around the sun was settling into the clouds and turning the sky winter shades of red and pink. Esme was wrapped up warm in a lovely blue coat that suited her complexion beautifully. Her hair reflected the pinks in the sky and turned rosy as she walked up the lane. She looked wonderful.

Carlisle was distracting himself.

He paced around his sparse bedroom, taking the occasional desperate glance out of the window and then darting away. He didn’t want to be spotted staring out at the poor girl.

And poor girl she was, since she was about to get the shock of her life.

Who was he to be doing this, really? What right did he have to lay claim to this angel’s life? How dare he ask her to bind herself to him, an unchanging shadow of a person, and give up everything that made her human. What kind of man was he to-

Someone backhanded him across the back of the head and sent him sprawling into the bed, which creaked dangerously and clattered to the ground. He glared up at his so called ‘son’.

“Quit it.” Jasper hissed. “You’re never gonna be able to tell her the truth properly when you’re drivin’ yourself crazy like this. If you freak out, she’ll freak out. Now are you gonna calm yourself down or do I have to do it for you?”

“I can do it...” He sighed, jumping up from the rubble that once was his bed and brushing the dust off his sleeves. “There are just so many unknowns and I suppose I’m…”

“Scared?” Jasper supplied.

Well of course he would know.

“Yes,” Carlisle sighed. “Scared…”

They fell silent at the tapping of the door knocker. Downstairs, Bella moved at a human pace to open it. Carlisle listened to their cheerful greetings, the pleasant pitch of Esme’s quiet voice, their soft footsteps towards the sitting room and the chink of cups as coffee was poured.

Jasper nudged him.

Carlisle sighed and made his way down the stairs, careful to put enough force behind his steps that Esme could hear him coming.

She still looked surprised to see him. She put down her cup, expertly hiding her racing pulse from two people who could hear it as clearly as her voice.

“Carlisle!” She smiled. “I thought you would be at the surgery, isn’t it your turn to do the late shift?”

“Dr Evenson is covering it tonight.” He replied. Esme looked at him like she expected him to say more, Bella similarly looked like she would throttle him if he didn’t stop awkwardly standing there.

Bella loudly cleared her throat.

“If it’s alright,” she said, “Carlisle needs to speak with you.”

“Oh!” Esme smiled, warm blush spread over her cheeks and nose. “Okay.”

Damn it all to hell, she thought he was going to propose.

And he was, most likely. But he had to potentially break her heart first and Lord did he hate disappointing her. He hated disappointing her and he hated scaring her and he hated the idea that she might run away from this house screaming and he would never see her again and-

The familiar feeling of Jasper’s fake calm settled on his shoulders and smothered the panic burning inside him. He sighed and didn’t fight it.

“I’ll just be in the kitchen,” Bella stood up, “yell if you need me.”

She squeezed Carlisle’s hand as she passed him on her way out the door and he barely had the presence of mind to squeeze back. Esme looked at him expectantly and he realised he had yet to actually enter the room. He started to walk too quickly towards the couch across from her and then overcompensated and went too slowly. He kicked himself as Esme furrowed her brows.

He took a seat across from her, crossed his legs, changed his mind and crossed the other leg, changed his mind again and stood up, started to pace, realised he was acting like a mad man and stopped moving at all. Esme stared at him.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes.” He gulped, then forced himself to smile. “I’m alright, of course I’m alright.”

“Are you sure? You seem a little… agitated.”

He laughed. “You have a keen eye, have I ever told you that?”

“Most likely,” she smirked, “I am a very perceptive person, you know.”

“Oh you are are you?” His smile relaxed into something a little more genuine. “Go on. Amaze me.”

“You’re worried about something.”

He nodded. “You could say that, yes.”

She stared at him a little too closely and he started pacing again just so he had an excuse not to look back at her.

“You’re worried about how I’ll react to it.”

“Right again.”

“Well…” She tilted her head so she could meet his eyes and didn’t speak until he stopped moving. “You won’t find out unless you tell me, but I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think.”

By God’s name, she was perfect. Perfect and beautiful and clever and she could have this wonderful life ahead of her and here he was trying to-

The calm blanket grew even heavier and weighed his panicking mind down.

“I’m a vampire.”

Esme blinked. “You’re a… I’m sorry, you’re a what?”

“A vampire.”

“I…” she stared at him a moment, then her mouth twisted into an amused smile. “A vampire, you’re a vampire.”

She didn’t believe him.

He sighed. “Have you ever noticed there’s something odd about me and my family? Anything ever felt strange?”

“Well, yes… you’re quite strange people, Carlisle.” She grinned. “I’ve always just assumed it was because you were from Texas.”

He ignored the joke and started to pace again. “We avoid the sunlight, we never get sick or tired, we barely eat, we disappear for days at a time and when we return our eyes are a different color. Tell me you have never noticed these things, Esme.”

“Of… of course I have. But I never thought of anything like-”

“Vampires?” He sighed and met her wide eyes again. “I know it’s the stuff of novels and it’s strange to think it might be real but-”

She erupted into nervous giggles.

“I... “ He faltered. “I recognise that it must be difficult to understand.”

“Understand?” She let out one loud laugh. “Of course it is, it’s preposterous! Vampires don’t exist! And even if they did then you…” She trailed off, her eyes nervously darted up to his. “Vampires don’t exist.”

“I’m afraid we do.” Carlisle nervously cleared his throat and backed a safe distance away from her.

He gestured to a book lying on the sideboard on the far side of the room, she turned to look at it then back at him. At top speed he dashed to the book and then a few feet away from her. She jumped and pressed a quivering hand to her chest. He could hear her heart race. He crouched down to her eye level and presented the book to her.

She just stared at him.

Damn, he’d messed it up already.

“We are fast.” He said redundantly, cringed and moved on. “And we’re strong.”

He reached behind him and lifted the sofa with one finger, just high enough to show that he could. He didn’t want to intimidate her.

Still she looked terrified, or maybe dismayed. Carlisle had never been incredible at reading emotions. She gulped, eyes wide and glistening, her bottom lip wobbled. He couldn’t help himself and shuffled over to her from his position on the floor. He knelt at her feet.

“We’re undead,” he whispered, “that means we can’t get sick or hurt, we can’t age, and we can’t die - except at the hand of others of our kind.”

She finally started moving to clumsily yank the lace glove off her hand and press her fingertips to Carlisle’s cheekbone. He resisted the urge to purr at the feeling of her warm skin on his when he was this tense.

“You’re so cold…” she whispered before taking her hand away. “Bella is too. I always thought it was just the weather, or… I don’t know what I thought.”

“It’s okay,” he whispered back, “people think of ways to justify how different we are. No one really thinks that we could be-”

“Vampires.”

“Yes, vampires.”

She gulped. Her eyes glistened but she set her jaw and straightened her shoulders. She met his gaze head on.

“Why are you telling me this now?”

Here it was, the punchline. “Because I would dearly love to marry you, but cannot ask in good conscience without you knowing the full truth.”

Her breath hitched. She reached out and grasped his hand, squeezing as if to test how it felt. Carlisle knew full well that it was hard as rock. She moved to his cheek and tried to pinch at it. Ineffectual, his skin didn’t move under her fingers. Then she tried his hair, she tugged on a section but his scalp didn’t move at all. She hesitated, then took a handful and yanked with what he had no doubt was all of her strength. He didn’t even flinch, although his lip quirked up in the shadow of a smile.

She exhaled and her hand loosened, although it stayed resting on his bent head.

“You want to marry me, do you?”

His head darted up and he stared at her in disbelief. She wasn’t actually considering it after this, was she?

“I’m so confused,” she whispered, “this is all so much… that you are… and oh God your siblings too?”

“My family is like me, yes. But I must tell you that they are not my siblings.”

She frowned. “Then who are they?”

“I am quite a bit older than them.” He huffed a laugh. “I am… hundreds of years old. They are only decades. Children is a more appropriate term, I think of them as my children.”

She was staring blankly at him again. He’d overloaded her.

“They’re your children,” she finally replied.

“In a way.”

“So they weren’t born from you, then? Are they born?” She crinkled her nose. “Or turned like Dracula?”

“Turned,” he said. “We all started out as humans. I turned Bella, then she went out and found Jasper and Peter and brought them into the family. They have a very interesting and complicated story of their own that they should really tell you themselves. I’m sorry I’m doing a terrible job of explaining all this, it’s just that I’ve never done this before and I-”

She shushed him. “You’ve never done this before?”

“In all my years, I have never had to explain what I am to a human.” He frowned. “None of us have. I really have no idea what I’m doing.”

“Right…” She sighed and lowered herself out of the chair and to the floor, where she knelt with him. She took his hands. “You say you’re hundreds of years old? You must have an interesting and complicated story of your own and I would like to hear it. Tell me who you really are.”

He stayed silent for a moment, looked into the unwavering gentleness of her clever eyes, and told her everything. He told her about England in the 1600s, about being the son of the pastor. He told her about being turned, about the pain, about struggling not to harm humans and discovering that he could drink from animals. Before long he was rambling about everything; the Volturi, the War of Independence, moving to the US. He almost started talking about Bella finding him before he checked himself.

“Bella should tell you the rest,” he said. “You are very important to her, and she would want to tell you her story herself.”

45 minutes into the strangest tale she must have ever heard and Esme almost seemed relaxed.

“Okay,” she sighed and smiled in that soothing way only she could pull off. “Where is she?”

Bella appeared in the doorway faster than the human eye could track. “I’m here!”

Esme jumped, startled. Carlisle cringed.

“We also have amazing hearing.”

“I can see that!” Esme laughed uncomfortably and clambered to her feet, waving off his hand as he tried to help her. “Right Carlisle, I’m going to talk to your children while you go calm down.”

“I’m calm!”

Her laugh was genuine this time. “No, you’re not. I understand how nerve racking this must be, go for a walk or something. Take in some fresh air.”

Why did they all always send him on walks? He would have grumbled, but then he realized that Esme still felt comfortable enough to order him around. She was smiling at Bella the way she always had. She fit in here, she fit in with this family. He had been so distracted by his fear that she would run screaming that he hadn’t noticed his yearning to have her say yes. To be a part of his family. To be his wife.

He followed her instructions, grabbed his coat and hat, and tried to trust that his children would convince her they were safe enough to build a life with.

Esme.

Some people fear change. They fear things they don’t understand, they fear being left behind by a world not interested in taking them with it. They hide away from the realities of life and deride anything new so they aren’t forced to accept that they aren't part of it. People make fools of themselves trying to keep their view of the world the same.

But Esme Platt was no fool. The Cullens were strange, that she had always known. Their faces were near perfect, their eyes a strange butter yellow, their skin whiter than white. They always held themselves differently, like they were forcing themselves to slow down. It seemed as if a ball of energy lived within each of them and was bursting to come out. They spoke strangely, they ate strangely, they looked at her like they had known her for decades. The Cullens were strange, but Esme had never been able to put her finger on why.

Well, now she knew.

Vampires weren’t real. They were works of fiction; all myth and legend and Bram Stoker. They were impossible, too dangerous for this world. Terrifying. Yet she couldn’t deny that it made sense.

She observed Isabella Cullen as she followed her to a small sunroom in the back of the house. There was something about the way she walked, something inherently graceful and poised that never quite seemed to fit in with her personality. Sometimes it almost seemed like Bella was possessed, not of this world.

Jasper and Peter were already sitting in the sunroom, reclined on the various sofas and cushions piled about the place. There were plants everywhere and gossamer curtains filtering the rising moon. Books were piled everywhere, along with letter writing supplies and sewing projects. Loose papers were stacked carefully on top of the coffee table. This was a comfortable place, an intimate place. She felt warm just walking in there.

Bella guided her to a comfortable chair, then sat down herself on a sofa next to Peter. She looked nervous, which was just fine as Esme was too. Jasper looked tense too, although as always his attention was fixed on his sister.

Was she even really his sister?

She cleared her throat, unsure of where to start.

“So… apparently you’re vampires?”

Peter snorted, looking completely at ease. “Yes, that’s right.”

“...I have questions.”

“We have answers,” Peter grinned, “most likely.”

“Okay…” Where do you start in situations like this?

“Do you kill humans?”

“No-” Jasper started to say but Bella interrupted.

“We used to. I mean… we have.” She bit her lip and looked to the ceiling. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to lie to you. It was just us three, not Carlisle. Other than Peter, Jasper and I haven’t killed humans on purpose in decades.”

“On purpose?”

Peter shrugged. “Accidents happen. We’re very well controlled though. I just choose to drink the occaisional murderer. Do my civic duty.”

“Oh... so other than that you all drink animals instead?” She recalled from Carlisle’s story.

“Yes.” Bella nervously giggled. “Just like you! In a way…”

Esme managed a smile at the joke and continued. “How old are you?”

Bella smiled like her heart was breaking.

“18.”

“And how long have you been 18?”

Bella outright laughed, her eyes fixed keenly on the floor and then darted up at the evening stars through the glass ceiling.

“A while.”

“36 years to be exact!” Peter cut in. “And I’ve been 18 for 37.”

Bella rolled her eyes at her brother and jabbed her elbow into his side, he started to poke her in return. Esme turned to Jasper.

“And you?”

He smirked. “19 for 53, ‘though this feels like a strange way to tell our ages.”

She laughed. “Especially when these two are play-fighting like children.”

The two that now looked like they were genuinely hurting each other at least had the decency to look chastened.

Bella looked calmer at least, like attacking Peter had given her something else to focus on. Jasper was laid back, one leg tucked over the other like he was perfectly relaxed. She realised none of them were moving the way they usually would. Peter and Bella only moved to jab at each other. Jasper barely moved at all, no shuffling or fidgeting, not even blinking. They weren’t bothering to pretend to be human, they were actually at ease in front of her.

She felt a rush of warmth in her chest at the thought of them trusting her so much.

Jasper smiled.

“Wait…” Esme realized something. “Bella, you’re speaking differently.”

“Oh!” Bella jumped. “Err…”

“Bella’s Texan accent isn’t real.” Jasper interjected. “She’s from Washington. She puts it on to blend in with us because Peter can’t do a Northern one.”

Esme blinked. “A 55 year old vampire with perfect hearing and recall can’t put on an accent?”

“We struggle with strange things sometimes,” Peter pouted, “Bella can’t do her own hair!”

“Hey! Says you!”

“We are frozen as we were when we were turned.” Jasper said over the bickering. “It means sometimes we struggle to do things we never did as humans. Our attitudes and personalities are frozen too. Bella and Peter were still young and relatively carefree when they were turned, and so they will be forever.”

“But you weren’t?”

“No Ma’am, I was a Major in the Confederate army - and I was in way over my head! It appears I will be too serious and have a compulsive need to overplan for the rest of my days.”

“The Confederate army…” Esme breathed and did some fast math. “19 and 53… so you were turned in… 1864?”

“‘63,” he corrected. “I was turned by a woman called Maria. At the time, and somewhat still today, there was a war going on in the south. Dozens of warlords were all fighting amongst themselves for territory to hunt in. Maria was one of these warlords and turned me to fight in her army.”

“Territory to hunt what?” Dread filled Esme’s stomach. “People?”

He nodded. “It is the shame I will carry all my life, Miss Platt. I’ve killed thousands.”

“Esme.” She absently corrected him. “So, how did you get out?”

“Well, I was Maria’s right hand man for 16 years. I have a gift for knowing what people are feeling and I can manipulate those feelings at will. It was useful for controlling an army.”

“It’s easier to explain if he shows you.” Bella said. “Can he?”

Esme nodded and seconds later was filled with the desperate need to laugh. Her head buzzed and her cheeks flushed and she couldn’t help but find all this just so funny. She started to giggle, then to guffaw, until she was laughing hysterically.

Then all at once it was gone.

“Oh,” she whispered as she righted herself. “Well that was strange.”

Bella laughed. “We’re used to it now. But I thought I was going insane the first time he used it on me.”

“I’m sure.” Esme said. “So, what happened next?”

“Peter was turned,” Jasper continued. “By me. Maria would have me sire hundreds of newborns. The war camps were bleak, horrible places. But somehow Peter always seemed bright and happy. He’s always been delusional I suppose.”

“Hah.” Peter deadpanned.

“It drew me to him,” Jasper said, “he was a light in my darkness and he brought me a little bit back to reality. Then Bella showed up and dragged me the rest of the way.”

“What year was this?”

“1886,” said Bella, “I was looking for them. I wanted to break them out of the camp so I pretended to be a deserter from a rival army and joined up. It turned out that Maria could hold them to her with a gift of their own, I convinced them to leave with me and we joined Carlisle in the North. We have been together ever since.”

“There’s slightly more to it than that,” Peter said.

“Yes, but it’s a very long story and I don’t want to overload Esme too much in one evening.”

“Why were you looking for them?” Esme asked anyway.

Bella bit her lip. “That’s an even longer story-”

“But one she needs to hear.” Peter interjected. “Bella’s from the future.”

“I… Excuse me?”

This all officially became too much. Vampires were one thing. Well no, vampires were still preposterous and Esme couldn’t quite believe all this was happening. But people coming to the past from the future? Truly unbelievable.

Bella sighed and began to sift through the pile of papers on the coffee table.

“Jasper isn’t the only vampire with a gift.” She said as she rummaged. “I have known mind readers, someone who could control the elements, people who could control who you love; my sister could see the future. I have one myself, I can shield myself and others from any gift that affects the mind.”

“Okay…”

"The Volturi - Carlisle told you about them - collected vampires with gifts and found a girl named Selina who could turn back time. I would survive the journey because of my shield so the Volturi sent me back to stop something happening.”

“To stop what?”

“Some rebellion,” Peter grumbled, “she won’t tell us the details.”

“For your own good.” Bella finally pulled a few pieces of thick paper out of the pile. “This probably isn’t as convincing as it was in the 1800’s, but I hope it will do it.”

Bella held out a photograph, showing her, Carlisle and Jasper. The paper was glossy and almost sticky to the touch, and as crystal clear as her own eyesight. The clearest picture she had ever seen. They were wearing strange clothes, Jasper’s hair looked shorter, but other than that they were exactly the same. It was bright, and technicolor, and futuristic; and yet thin and soft as if it were decades old.

Bella handed her a different one, this one of Esme herself. The photograph looked like it was from this time. Esme stood with her parents in front of a church, wearing a wedding dress she could imagine herself choosing. A man who was clearly her brother stood to her side, but he was taller than her and she couldn’t quite believe it was Alexander. She flipped the picture over. On the back was written May 8th, 1917.

“My God…” Esme whispered, tracing the faded lines of her own face.

“I was born in 1988,” Bella said. “When I was seventeen I met the Cullen family and fell in love with one of the sons, Edward. You and Carlisle were the leaders of the family. After a lot of drama that I won’t go into, I was attacked and Carlisle turned me to save my life.”

“That’s why you see him as a father.”

Bella nodded, then handed her a final picture. It showed Carlisle and Bella, but unlike Esme had ever seen them before. Carlisle looked exactly the same, but Bella was so different. She looked smaller somehow, her skin was darker and pink like she was blushing, her hair was shorter and a darker shade, as were her eyes. They were deep brown, so different from the butterscotch yellow she currently had. She wore a blue robe and a mortarboard hat and looked extremely embarrassed to be there.

“My high school graduation.” Bella whispered. “2007. You and Carlisle insisted on a picture with just you two.”

Esme’s startled eyes settled on the third person in the picture. She had skipped over them as someone she didn’t know, but then it dawned on her. It was her. It was her with her arm wrapped tight around Bella’s human shoulders, and a proud look on her face. But her arm was pure white. Her hair looked shiny as metal, her eyes that familiar bright butterscotch, and her face eerily perfect. This was her as a vampire holding Bella as a human.

“How… very strange.” Esme choked out a laugh because what else can you do in that situation?

Bella smiled back. “I turned two weeks later. The Volturi sent me back in 2012. They wanted to send me to 1942 but I chose to go further so I could rescue Jasper from the war camp. I found Carlisle first, then I found him.”

“At great personal risk.” Jasper added in, grumbling as if he were still mad about it.

Bella tried to wave him off, but he was busy unbuttoning his shirt cuffs and rolling the sleeve up to show Esme his forearm. In the moonlight she could just barely see tiny lines criss crossing up and down his skin. He stood up, walked towards where she sat and guided her to run her fingers over them. They were ridges, rounded; bite marks, she realized.

“Don’t let Bella downplay the danger of what she did, because she’ll try to.” He said. “The wars were brutal, we all have scars like this. Bella risked her life to get us out, and still risks it every day. There is a man who can track her every move if she lets her shield down, and if she ever does she’s dead. This is a dangerous life, Esme.”

He returned to his seat. Esme fell silent, transfixed by the scars and the thought of the kind and gentle Cullens in a war zone, enslaved soldiers.

Bella cleared her throat and continued, less upbeat.

“You were in my family in the future, but originally you were turned by Carlisle to save your life after something horrible happened. I wanted to protect you from it so we came to find you now. I hope you don’t feel betrayed, we haven’t done anything to manipulate you I swear. Carlisle doesn’t even know what you are to me.”

“Although full disclosure,” Peter said, “if he hasn’t worked it out he’s an idiot. Bella’s not great at being subtle.”

Esme bit her lip. “But didn’t you just say Jasper can influence people's feelings?”

“Not to this extent,” Jasper said, “and not when I’m not around. Anything you feel when I’m not there is 100% you, and I try my best not to influence people when it isn’t necessary.”

“Anything you feel for Carlisle and for us is all you.” Said Peter.

“Well…” Esme sighed after a moment of silence. “You have given me an awful lot to think about.”

“I’m sure we have...” Bella glanced out the window. “Oh shoot, Jaz what’s the time?”

He checked his watch. “Gettin’ onto eight. We should get Miss Esme home.”

“I’ll walk you.” Bella said, jumping up. “I mean… if you want me to.”

Esme smiled, stood, and squeezed Bella’s rock hard elbow. “Of course I do.”

As if walking in a dream, Esme accepted Peter’s help putting on her coat and wrapped her scarf around her neck. She watched Bella button up her own thick wool jacket and realized just how much it was for show. This was all so surreal, so hard to wrap her head around.

The Cullens were wonderful people. Strange, but wonderful. They had been so intimidating at first; this mysterious set of siblings with no parents, no history and strange differing accents. It almost seemed like they were made of something else, something delicate and strange that caused them to act almost other.

The thought that she could become one of them, not just a member of their family but like them, was so odd . Cold and inhuman yet so warm and bright inside. It was so strange, so overwhelming.

Yet at the heart of it all, it made sense. The Cullens had paid her special attention from the beginning, when she entered a room she would immediately feel their eyes on her. When they saw each other in the street they would always stop to talk, these people that were known to keep to themselves by every other family in town. They always seemed so happy to see her. Excited, almost.

She believed Bella, Carlisle hadn’t known who she was at the beginning. Of all the Cullens, he was the one who showed her the least regard at first. Her mother had thought to aim for Jasper after a while of detached politeness from Dr Cullen; but anyone with sense could see that Jasper was far too devoted to his sister to marry before she did. Peter was a lovely man with a wicked sense of humor, but his illness meant that Mother didn’t consider him as an option. No, it was always Carlisle.

He was good. A good man.

Before today there was no question that she would say yes to him. Not just because it was what her parents wanted. When she was 16 and first met Carlisle, he didn’t save her life - that was her mother being over dramatic. But he did keep her calm, treated her with respect, took care that she was comfortable and was unbelievably kind even when he didn’t have to be. He set the bar too high for any other man to jump over.

Did this change things?

She waved goodbye to Jasper and Peter and held the door open for Bella on the way out. The younger girl - no, not younger - paused on the porch.

“Oh, I forgot.” She rucked her coat up to stick her hand in her dress pocket. She pulled out an envelope, yellowed with time. She held it out, Esme was written on the front in perfect cursive.

“It’s for you,” Bella said. “From you in the future. Everyone wrote one for their past selves, to explain things better than I can. Take it.”

Esme hesitated, then took the envelope. She wouldn’t read it straight away, she decided. Her decisions and opinions in this needed to be all hers. She tucked it into her coat pocket to be carefully stored in a drawer later.

Bella smiled, her fingers lingered on the paper as if it were hard for her to let go. They linked arms and set off down the path, but as they turned towards the lane they caught sight of Carlisle wandering in the distance.

He turned to look at them, and upon seeing his face Esme had a moment of sudden clarity.

“Bella,” she said, “could you give us a moment?”

“Of course.” Bella looked around herself, and upon seeing that they were totally alone she just disappeared, leaving only a breeze in her wake.

Carlisle moved towards her at a more reasonable pace, one that she now knew he was putting on for everyone else’s benefit. He didn’t have to, not for her. It was strangely comforting to see them use their powers openly, to be trusted.

Carlisle stopped a few feet in front of her, his hand twitched like it was itching to take hers.

She took a step forward.

“You said something about wanting to marry me?” She murmured.

His eyes shot to hers, wide and almost alarmed.

“Are you serious?” He asked.

“Completely serious.”

He stared at her a moment, then took the other step forward. He lightly, tentatively touched her still ungloved hand.

“I would,” he said, “I would desperately love to marry you. If you would have me.”

“Yes. I think I will.”

Chapter Text

February 13th, 1916. Carlisle.

“Are you enjoying the roast, Dr Cullen?”

“Mm, yes.” Carlisle choked. “It’s… lovely.”

“Mother,” said Esme from her spot beside him, “have you shown Dr Cullen your new spoons yet?”

“Oh!” Mrs Platt jumped up from the table and jostled her husband's glass of wine. “No, I’ll go get them now!”

Disgruntled and uninterested, Mr Platt and young Alexander returned to their food and paid the young couple no mind. Esme hastily scooped up some of Carlisle’s dinner and put it on her plate, a trick she had been pulling over and over all night. Carlisle grinned at her as he pretended to sip his wine and she smirked back.

“Here it is, Dr Cullen do have a look!”

As Carlisle feigned interest in the spoons Mrs Platt turned an appraising eye over her daughter. 

“Are you feeling quite alright, dear?” she asked. “Your plate is still full, you must have barely eaten.”

“I’m alright, just still full from lunch.” Esme smiled like butter wouldn’t melt, her mother allowed it, only faintly complaining about why she even bothers and her daughter getting too skinny.

When dinner was finally over and Carlisle could stop counting the seconds, he was invited into Mr Platt’s study for their customary brandy. He prepared himself, this was it - the moment he had come here for.

“Mr Platt,” he said as the man settled into his favoured armchair, “I was wondering sir if I could ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage.”

Mr Platt had just taken a sip of brandy and had to recover from a light coughing fit before he could grin and heartily shake Carlisle’s hand, offering his complete and absolute support. He responded to Carlisle’s assurances of giving Esme a good life in a good house by waving them off and saying “yes yes I know” and ushered him into an empty drawing room that Esme was soon pushed into too. 

She grinned. “I suppose he says yes then?”

He only smiled and took her hand to softly kiss her wrist. They stayed in there just long enough for the family to think he was proposing for the first time and then joined the ecstatic celebrations when they told them the happy news.

April 8th, 1916. Bella.

Bella’s bridesmaid dress was made of lilac tulle; beautiful, floaty, and delicate - and she had already accidentally ripped it twice. Irina was practically following her around with a sewing kit, begging her to be careful and cringing every time she made a sudden move. Bella decided it wasn’t her own fault, she was so used to the specialised reinforced wardrobe Irina usually sent to their house that she didn’t know how to cope in human clothes. She’d never worn tulle before, it was far too delicate for her tendencies to pick at hems and walk with big steps. She only wished Esme had known that before choosing dresses. 

The whole house could hear Carlisle pacing upstairs. It was 8am and he had been ready since 3, too nervous to stay still or find anything else to do. The entire family was in town, nine vampires all in one place. That wasn’t a common occurrence, and with the amount of very precious humans nearby everyone was nervous. Bella knew she was biased, according to the sisters he hadn’t slipped up in 20 years, but she couldn’t stop keeping track of Laurent. She couldn’t trust him so close to Esme. 

She was headed to Esme’s house herself soon. She had elected to get ready at home in case she needed help not ripping the dress (at least she was self aware) but needed to accompany the bride to the church. It was almost time to go, but she had something she had to do first. 

She fetched something from her room and made her way down to Carlisle’s. She could hear his foot tapping so quickly it was just a vibration and wondered how deep the groove in the floorboards would be. She knocked and entered, he turned to give her a quick smile.

“Hi,” she said. “How’re you doing?”

“Oh, brilliantly.”

“Really?”

He sighed. “Am I that obvious?”

“Carlisle, I’m surprised the floor hasn’t fallen in yet.”

He let out a weak laugh. “Are you headed to Esme’s?”

“In a second, there’s something I need to give you first.”

She held out a plain white envelope with ‘Carlisle’ written on the front in her clumsy calligraphy. 

“What is this?”

“A wedding present,” she smirked. “It’s not much, but it’s something I know you’ve been wanting.”

Carlisle smiled, took it and turned it over. It was unsealed, he popped it open and slid out the contents. A single photograph fell into his hand, he gasped ever so slightly and absorbed it with hungry eyes.

Bella knew it well, she had been waiting decades to give it to him. A wedding photo, blurred enough with time that you couldn’t quite make out the individual features of the bride and groom - but if you knew them well enough it was clear who they were. Carlisle’s expression changed from second to second as his analytical brain dissected every piece of information he could glean from the picture. Bella wondered what he had figured out. It was just them in the picture, with a simple courthouse in the background. Carlisle and Esme’s first wedding was a much quieter affair, afterall. There was no party, no bridal shower, no family to celebrate their union aside from Edward and the Denalis. Maybe Carlisle was pondering who took the picture, she thought. It was quite obviously Edward, obvious to her at least. Despite being a virtuoso at the piano, all other artistic pursuits had always evaded him and every photo he had ever taken was off centre and blurry like this one. 

She was grateful for it now. It allowed her to give Carlisle this moment without spoiling the first time he would see Esme as a vampire. The blur and the huge 1920s veil obscured her face just enough, but there was no denying that her hands were paler than even his as they were clasped by their sides. 

He finally looked up as if he had forgotten she was in the room. He smiled at her, no, beamed at her with his eyes bright with unshedable tears.

“My birth parents didn’t love each other,” she said before he could thank her. “Not really, anyway. And even though I loved Edward when I first met him, I was silly and seventeen and didn’t really know what love meant.” She swallowed and took a shaky breath, venom tears clouding her own vision. “It was you and Esme who taught me what it means. You two showed me that love lives in the little things, that true love grows whenever it finds places to grow into. I don’t believe in soulmates or true mates or any of that, but some people are so unbelievably perfect for each other that nothing could ever come between them and you two are that, I know you are…”

Carlisle grabbed her and held her to his chest before she could ramble further. 

“Thank you,” he whispered.

She shook her head. “No, thank you. Thank you for letting me be your daughter.”

She left him to go to Esme’s house at half past 8. The door was already open and she could hear the commotion of the entire extended Platt family from two streets away. She knocked on the doorframe as she let herself in and was immediately directed up to the bride’s room.

“It’s going to be okay, Esme!” Bella heard Claire say through the door. “It’s fine! No one will notice!”

“But you don’t understand! They will!”

Confused and vaguely alarmed, Bella pushed the door open to find Esme two inches from the mirror poking at her face. 

“Hey!” she tried to sound soothing. “Good morning bride to be!”

Esme just whimpered, barely sparing her a glance. Claire sighed.

“She’s got a pimple.”

Oh. Bella had almost forgotten about that unfortunate side of being a human. 

“I’m sure it’s not that bad!” she said.

Esme turned, a sad look in her eyes. There was a glaring red mark on her right cheek, clearly all the worse for her having picked at it. 

She sighed. “It’s really bad, isn’t it?”

“No!” Bella exclaimed. “If we put some ice on it and put more rouge on the other cheek to match I bet no-one will notice… Claire, could you find some ice?”

Claire gratefully took the opportunity to leave the room and get away from the freaking out bride. Bella moved close to Esme and pressed her thumb over the angry pimple, letting her natural coldness work as an ice pack.

“Oh that feels so much better!” Esme gasped.

Bella laughed. “Are you okay? This is kind of a big reaction to a pimple.”

“I’m fine…” Esme took a deep breath and blew it out. “I guess I’m just so self conscious around your family anyway and this pushed me over the edge.”

“Self conscious?” Bella frowned.

“Seriously, Bella? You’re the most beautiful people alive, you could make a painter cry. Especially your cousins.”

“Oh yeah, the Denali sisters are truly something else,” Bella laughed. “But you don’t need to worry about that, Esme. We’re so used to what vampires look like we don’t see any real beauty in it. Character, scent, a lack of disfiguring scars - that’s what we find attractive. But you’ll know that soon enough.”

Esme cleared her throat and pulled away, smiling awkwardly as she inspected the much calmer pimple in the mirror. 

“I think that helped!”

“Good!”

Claire came back in with ice a few minutes later and together they helped Esme finish with her dress, hair and makeup before they had to go to the church. 

Bella was at the point in her life where she had been to more weddings in the past than in the future. She’d been to Garrett and Kate’s (for the second time), the occasional one of a human friend, and had gatecrashed many random weddings during her nomadic years. They were all much of a muchness if she was honest. It wasn’t until the later half of the 20th century that weddings became very interesting. 

Esme’s white wedding dress was beautiful, mainly because she was the one wearing it. They married at the local church with the whole congregation watching. Bella stood as a bridesmaid while Jasper and Peter were groomsmen. Peter tried to pull faces at her over Carlisle’s shoulder but she barely noticed, she was too busy looking at his smile. That was something she recognised; even with everything she may have changed, the smile Carlisle had when he looked at his wife was the same.

The party was held at the local hall, full of food and drinks all paid for by the illustrious and proud Mr Platt. Every vampire in the room was on edge, the food that must have been delicious to all the humans stunk of sewage to them and the constant threat of someone hurting themselves had them all keeping an eye on each other in case anyone needed to be escorted out. Garrett and Laurent positioned themselves outside, far away from temptation even though both had taken to the diet quite well. 

Bella stayed near Claire, her role as a teenage girl meant she didn’t have a part to play in many of the conversations surrounding her, and her family were all stuck talking to people they knew from work. The Denali sisters had been pulled into constant conversations since they walked in, every girl wanted to know their beauty secrets. 

The room was vibrating with a constant hum of conversation, even drowning out the soft violin music played by a quartet on the stage. Bella’s vampire brain picked up on every word, logging it away somewhere in her infinite memory without her consent. She couldn’t help but note Dr Charles Evenson standing by the bar, a martini in his hand and gesturing with the other as he told some boring story to another boring man. She struggled to look away from him, some primal urge trying to force her to keep an eye on the threat. 

Dinner was served, a buffet so the vampires in the room might be able to more subtly get away with not eating. Claire dragged Bella along to the food where she picked up a plateful, and Bella found something dry she could easily hide in a pocket later. They found a table in the corner and sat, that’s when Esme found them.

“Hello!” she gasped, cheeks pink with excitement. “Are you two enjoying the party?”

“Of course,” Claire grinned. “Are you enjoying yourself, Mrs Cullen?”

Esme giggled and sat down beside them, taking both of their hands and squeezing them with all her might.  

“It’s so strange, isn’t it? I’m married! My life has completely changed in one day!”

“Oh don’t make me jealous!” said Claire. “You two are going to the lovely Cullen house tonight where you can do whatever you want whenever you want! I’m still trapped with my mother until she convinces some man to whisk me off my feet.”

“Someone will come along!” Esme insisted.

“Maybe,” Claire hummed. “I think she has her eye on Dr Evenson, so a younger man needs to come around soon.”

“What?” Bella frowned. “You and Dr Evenson?”

“Oh everyone knows he’s wanted a new wife since his last one died,” said Claire. “He’s got a well paid, respectable job. My mother doesn’t care about trivial things like age gaps and personality.”

Bella’s treacherous ears tuned into Evenson’s conversation across the room. He wasn’t talking about anything of note, but the nasally tone of his voice made her skin crawl and the idea of subjecting anyone else to a life with him made her chest hurt. She needed to do something about him. Soon.

“Claire, I can’t get my brooch to sit right. Can you help?” Esme asked, ignorant of Bella’s plotting.

Claire pulled off her glove and went to help her with the pin. Bella saw it as if in slow motion, as she fumbled and the pin pierced the skin of her thumb. Blood welled up beneath the surface of the skin, turning it a deeper red until eventually it bubbled up to the surface. Just a drop, it was only a drop.

Claire hissed and put her thumb in her mouth but it was too late. Bella was so on edge about everything else she hadn’t been bracing herself for the scent of blood. She couldn’t stop staring. She wanted it. Just a drop, only a drop. A drop couldn’t hurt. One girl couldn’t hurt. She had been so good, she hadn’t had human blood in years. One girl wouldn’t be so bad. 

“Bella?”

It was Esme. Bella forced herself back to the present. She was frowning at her in concern, probably noticing how still she had gotten, how she’d stopped breathing, how the handkerchief she had been holding and the palms of her gloves had disintegrated into dust in her clenched fist. Only a second, maybe two, had passed but Jasper was already halfway across the hall towards her.

Claire was still bleeding, Bella could smell it.

She had to get out of there.

“Sorry,” she said with what little breath she already had in her lungs. “I think I need some air.”

“I’ll come with you!” Esme offered.

“No! No, you should stay.” Bella forced a smile, she didn’t have enough air to say anything else so she just gave a firm nod, got up, and walked at a forced human pace to the entrance. 

“Good afternoon little traveller!” Garrett greeted her with a smile. “Enjoying the party?”

She nodded before taking a careful breath of clean outside air. It was untainted so she took another deeper one, imagining it could calm the relentless burning in her throat.

Laurent winced. “Someone bleeding?”

“Just a pinprick,” she whispered, stripping off her ruined gloves and tossing them into the bushes. “I’ll be fine.”

With a few more deep clean breaths she came back to herself. Garrett and Laurent watched her in concern, God how embarrassing.

She sighed. “I haven’t had to do that for a while.”

“You’re very good at it,” Garrett smiled. “Don’t be too disheartened, Bella. I’m always so impressed with your control. We go to gatherings like this all the time, don’t mistake me, but to see humans every day? Without having fed first? It’s incredible you haven’t slipped, and to think you’re going to be living with one?”

“I would never hurt Esme,” Bella said. “Even if she were bleeding in front of me I could pull myself back. Besides, she won’t be human for long.”

“She’s finally decided to turn, has she?”

“What do you mean finally?” Bella frowned. “Of course she’s turning, she has to turn.”

Laurent shrugged. “Not necessarily. Carlisle said she’s still making her decision, she may choose to stay human.”

“But… she can’t marry a vampire and stay human. That’s ridiculous!”

“I don’t know,” Garrett gave her a little half smile that was probably intended to be comforting. “She’d be fairly safe, with Peter’s hybrid diet the only ones she’d be in any danger from is you and Jasper. As you said, you’d never hurt her and I’m sure Jasper would be willing to supplement with human for sixty years or so.”

Bella’s mind flashed back to a vague image that had stuck from her human days, when she’d cut her finger and Jasper had lunged for her throat. How strange, to think of a time when he didn’t love her yet. 

“Besides,” Garrett continued. “Carlisle has the control of a Franciscan monk. If your Edward had the control not to kill you in the marital act I’m sure he will have no trouble.”

“I…” Bella’s ears started ringing. “What?”

“You were in a romantic relationship with a vampire when you were human, weren’t you?” Laurent asked. “Irina said that’s how the circumstances of your change came about, and that morals in your time were very different.”

“I mean, yeah… but no, we didn’t… when I was human… I…” Bella took another deep breath and tried to think clearly, focusing on the surrealness of Laurent asking her about this helped. “I’d rather not think about Carlisle doing… that. It doesn’t matter anyway, if Esme doesn’t turn she’ll die.”

“We’ll all die someday, Bella.” Garrett grinned. “No matter how long lived we are, there’s an angry nomad or a crowd of humans with pitchforks and torches waiting for us some day.”

“Or the Volturi!” Laurent joked.

“Or werewolves…” Bella couldn’t help but mutter.

“Werewolves!” Garrett laughed. “Imagine! What a way to go! If I have a choice, give me that.”

With that, the conversation turned into what the best way to die is and Bella quietly excused herself to go back to the party. It had all continued to go smoothly in her absence, she couldn’t hear any mutterings about the groom’s sister doing anything inhuman. 

Peter smoothly disengaged himself from the women he was chatting with and came to her.

“Are you alright?”

Bella nodded. “Just got taken by surprise. Esme and Claire weren’t scared were they?”

“No,” he smiled. “Claire didn’t notice anything, and Esme was remarkably calm about it. She’ll need to get used to that kind of thing after all.”

Bella hummed noncommittally, the conversation from outside still echoing in her head. 

“Still, I should apologise to her.”

He told her she didn’t need to, but she wasn’t listening and set straight off to where Esme stood beside Carlisle and the Denalis. 

She took her hand and lead her to a quiet corner. “I’m so sorry about what happened before.”

“Oh no, don’t worry at all!” Esme squeezed her hand back. “Are you okay? I told Claire you were scared of blood when she asked where you went.”

“I’m fine,” Bella said. “It just happens sometimes.”

She then noticed Esme’s expression, the tightness of her smile and the slight redness in her eyes.

“Are you okay? You look sad.”

Esme laughed, “I can never get away with anything around you lot. I’m alright, just Tanya invited us to stay with them for a while after we move away from here and I remembered that eventually we’ll have to move far away and never come back. I realised that I’ll miss my mother, I suppose. As silly and meddling as she is.”

Bella smiled in a way she hoped was reassuring, but she really didn’t know what to say. She knew something about missing mothers, but it was not the time to express that to Esme. 

Esme kept speaking but Bella didn’t actively listen, too busy trying to school her facial expression into something calm and happy. The kind of face a sister should have when her brother marries her closest friend. She heard Jasper’s footsteps coming up behind her and for the first time in months she could think of no person she’d rather be near. 

He touched her wrist and immediately filled her with calm and warmth. He smiled at Esme.

“Your mother’s looking for you, something about the cake.”

“Oh!” Esme grinned and immediately set off across the room. 

Jasper squeezed Bella’s arm. “Come dance so it doesn’t look strange for me to touch you.”

She nodded and let herself be lead to the dance floor, where everyone was doing the polka. He held her hand tight and rubbed his thumb soothingly over hers.

“I wont ask you if you’re okay,” he murmured as they started moving to the music. “You’ve already been asked three times and lied every time.”

“I’ll be fine,” she said, willing it not to be a lie. “Everything will fall into place eventually.”

His eyes were intense on her face, but she forced herself not to meet them. She selfishly enjoyed his closeness, the feeling of his hand in hers and on her waist, his familiar comforting scent. She let him calm her the way he had for the last thirty years and for a moment made herself forget that she had to throw it all away. She danced with Jasper until the party ended, and began to mourn again the second his hands left hers. 

Chapter Text

August 12th, 1916.

Esme just couldn’t get comfortable. No matter what she did, she shuffled and huffed and sighed but at the end of the day it was far too hot and since no one in this blasted house ever opened any windows it was far too stuffy.

She spied Jasper watching her out of the corner of her eye. He smirked. “Are you okay?”

“No!” she exclaimed, falling back onto the sofa with a groan. “It’s hot and I’m bored and this couch gets sticky when it’s humid.”

“Does it?”

“Does hot weather even bother you?”

“I honestly never notice it except for keeping up appearances.”

“Oh,” Esme sighed again. 

Jasper took pity on her. “It’s cloudy out. How about you go get your parasol and we’ll walk around the park? You can use my arm as an ice pack.”

Esme perked up at the idea of fresh air and exercise, she grinned and jumped up. “Good idea!”

Jasper laughed. “Bella?” he called out to the only other person in the house, loudly for Esme’s benefit. “You coming?”

“No!” she shouted back loudly enough for Esme to hear. “I’m busy!”

Esme paused, how can someone with literally all the time in the world be too busy for a twenty minute walk? She took her parasol from the rack by the front door and peeked her head into the sunroom. Bella sat on the floor, surrounded by papers and scribbling words too small for Esme to read, totally unaffected by the sweltering humidity in the unventilated room.

Esme cleared her throat. “Would you ever let me read the book you’re writing?”

“Sure.” Bella replied, not looking up. “I’ll transcribe it into a bigger font sometime.”

“Great!” Esme smiled, Bella still didn’t look up. “What’s it about?”

“The future.”

“The future? You mean the actual future that you come from?”

“Yes.”

“Umm,” Esme couldn’t help but feel awkward as the girl just wouldn’t respond properly. “What’s it like?” 

Bella paused for a second, frowned, then started scribbling with even more focus than before. “It was... different.”

Esme opened her mouth to try to formulate some response to that, but Jasper touched her elbow from behind and shook his head. Don’t bother right now.

She pressed her lips together and followed him out the front door. Bella had been getting more and more distant since Esme and Carlisle got married, in the last few weeks she had barely spoken at all. 

The sun was thoroughly covered in clouds, but it didn’t reduce the ridiculous humidity. Esme put her parasol up and held it high enough that it might shield Jasper from a rogue ray. He smiled gratefully and offered his arm for her to take, his skin was cool under his thin jacket and it soothed her just enough when she focused on it.

“... is Bella alright?” she asked once they reached the park and were definitely out of her hearing range.

“As far as I know. Why do you ask?”

She sighed. “Because lately it seems like she hates me.”

He shook his head and patted her hand. “She doesn’t hate you, I promise.”

“Then what’s going on?”

His mouth twisted in thought. “Bella has some abandonment issues. Something happened when she was human that ripped her apart. I don’t know exactly what, she won’t tell me.”

“Okay…”

“So she distances herself from people to protect herself, leaves them before they can leave her.”

Esme paused in thought. Did Bella think she was going to leave her? Why would Esme leave when she was married to Carlisle? He would certainly never abandon Bella.

Jasper interrupted her musings. “Have you noticed she’s been doing a similar thing to me? It’s just what she does, don’t take it too personally.”

“But… why would she think I would leave her? And you’re her favourite brother, why would you leave her?”

He winced. “Bella and I aren’t really brother and sister, you know.”

“Well yes, I know you’re not really related.”

“No, I mean-” he huffed “-Bella and Peter are like brother and sister, Bella and Carlisle are like father and daughter. Bella and I are not like relations in any way.”

Esme frowned. How could that be when they always appeared so close?

He sighed. “Bella and I are complicated. I love her more than anything in the world, but… not in a brotherly way, if you understand my meaning.”

“Oh! Oh…” Esme suddenly saw their relationship in a whole different light. How closely they stood together, how well tuned to each other they were, how their eyes shot to each other the second one stepped into the room. “And she doesn’t feel the same way?”

“It’s not that,” he sighed, “like I said, it’s complicated. If I talk about it it sounds like I’m whining, so you should really ask her.”

“Only if she’ll talk to me…” she grumbled “…and don’t think I didn’t notice you changing the subject. Why does Bella think you or I would leave her?”

He didn’t answer. “What do you think about Bella?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you know her very well by now.” He shrugged. “Looking after her wellbeing can be a full time job sometimes, I was wondering if you had noticed anything about her.”

“I…” Esme stopped and thought. “I haven’t known her nearly as long as you so maybe it's normal, but sometimes Bella looks as if…”

“As if?”

“As if she’s pretending to be happy. Sometimes when she’s alone she acts differently, quieter - it’s like she’s tired of putting on the act.”

Jasper smiled and looked to the ground. “You’re very perceptive, you know, Mrs Cullen.”

“Why yes, I’ve been told.”

He huffed a laugh. “You’re right, Bella does put on an act these days.”

“Why?”

“You know we say Carlisle is our father, it’s more of a title for me and Peter. He took us in when we were fresh out of a war camp, kept us safe and made decisions when we had no idea what we were doing. He’s the voice of reason in our dumb little family and I respect the hell outta him. If anyone’s gonna be my father I want it to be him - but Bella? He’s her actual father. She barely remembers a time before she knew him. He essentially raised her, she turned when she was still a teenager and he was there for her every moment.. and in the future, so were you.”

“You mean…”

“I mean that to Bella, Esme Cullen was as much her mother as Carlisle Cullen was her father.”

Esme’s breath caught, she frowned and stared at a particularly large dandelion in the otherwise perfect grass. “I hadn’t thought of that.”

“That’s fair. It’s an odd thing to wrap your head around.”

They walked together in silence for a while. Puzzle pieces were beginning to slot together in her head. Bella was distancing herself to avoid abandonment, but it wasn’t Esme she was scared of losing. At least not this Esme.

She stopped and turned to him. “Am I like her? Future Esme, I mean.”

“I‘ve never met future Esme,” he replied. “She wrote a letter to Bella and I have had the honour of reading it. She was a loving woman, incredibly maternal. She cared deeply for Bella and all her children - including me apparently,” he laughed. “She was also clever and strong and funny. In that sense she’s just like you.”

Esme had always thought she would be a good mother, but since she had decided to marry Carlisle she had thrown the idea of children out the window. Even if they adopted, how do you teach your human children not to tell their school friends about how their family doesn’t eat or sleep? She hadn’t thought about it in a long time.

She sighed and started to walk again, Jasper still tentatively at her side. She didn’t look straight at him, he always seemed like he knew too much. 

“But Bella’s 30 years older than me,” she eventually said.

Jasper nodded. “Yes, Bella’s Esme was over 80 years older than her and had been turned when she was older than you are now. It’s a different situation.”

“You keep referring to her as ‘was’,” Esme frowned. “Like she’s dead.”

Jasper slowed and tightened his grip on her arm. “Isn’t she?”

Bella was still sitting in the little sunroom when they returned through the back door, scribbling something at a speed Esme could barely keep track of. Bella looked up to acknowledge them then returned to her project, the tip of her tongue slipped out in concentration. 

Esme peaked over at the pages strewn around the floor. Bella’s writing was so small it only looked like a blurry line to her human eyes, but it all slanted off center and ran off the page at an angle. 

She couldn’t help the rush of affection at this 54 year old woman who still didn’t bother to write in a straight line. Strange in concept, but it felt right.

Bella didn’t feel 30 years older than her, it didn’t even feel like Bella was 18 most of the time. She was so carefree and easily distracted, stubborn as a child and dependent on authority. It was as Jasper said a few months ago, she realised. Vampires don’t change after they turn; not in the obvious sense, since they still learn and grow as people - but in outlook they would never change.

Bella seemed like a teenager because she was a teenager. When she was turned she was just a girl who was in way over her head, constantly being looked after and loved. She may have lived 35 years since then, but she could live another 100 and never truly age. Bella would always be a teenager in every sense of the word, Peter too in his way.

So then what would Esme be? If she were to turn then what would she be forever? A 21 year old doctor’s wife who teaches children every day, truly grown up and independent. 

But even if she was ready to be a mother, was she ready to be a mother to a girl with 50 years worth of trauma? She wasn’t sure, but no matter what her role turned out to be - she couldn’t let Bella isolate herself like this out of fear.

“Bella?” she said, the girl stopped her scribbling and looked up. “I think I might go out and do some gardening after lunch. Would you like to join me?”

Perhaps she was imagining the way the girl’s eyes darted away as if she was reliving some memory, or the way her smile rang differently when she finally focused back on her.

“Okay,” she said. “That sounds nice.”

Carlisle and the others hadn’t taken particularly good care of the garden until Esme came along. The hedges were overgrown, flower beds overrun with weeds, and there were suspicious groove marks in the browning grass that told her some overly aggressive play fighting might have taken place there. She had been slowly working her way through it over summer break. The others had offered to help, but this was her project and she took joy in every part of her very slow progress.

However, there were some jobs she’d rather not do, one of them being reaching into a thorny rose bush to deal with the root of an ivy infestation. She felt a little bad that that was the first thing she asked Bella to do, but the girl dived in there head first, thorns bouncing off her impervious skin. 

Once Bella’s face wasn’t in her direct line of view Esme finally found the courage to speak up.

“So Jasper and I were talking when we were out in the park.”

Bella froze, head still in the bush. “Uhuh…”

“He said that your, that is, yours and his, relationship is complicated.” Bella abruptly extracted herself from the bush with the treacherous clump of ivy in hand, thorns tangled in her hair. Esme continued. “But he said that if he talks about it it sounds like he’s whining so I should ask you.”

Bella hesitated, snorted, then spluttered, then the laughter erupted out of her like she couldn’t hold it in any more.

“For goodness sake!” she cried out when the giggles subsided. “How is our life so ridiculous?”

“I…” Esme couldn’t help but laugh herself out of confusion. “That bad, then?”

“Oh you have no idea,” Bella grinned sarcastically. “Do you really want to hear it? It’s a saga.”

“Go on,” said Esme, intrigued.

“I’m married.”

“Married?” Esme rose an eyebrow. “To who?”

“No one, yet.” Bella sighed. “I was married in the future, my husband was a part of the family. Remember I told you I fell for one of the Cullen sons? That was Edward, we were together when I was human and got married after I turned.”

Bella undid her top button and reached into the neck of her blouse, pulling out a chain with a ring threaded onto it. She pulled it over her head and handed it to Esme to look. It was a beautiful ring, silver with clusters of diamonds. 

“But…” Esme frowned and handed it back. “He’s not born yet?”

“He is now, but he wasn’t when I first came back in 1885.” Bella put the necklace back on and tucked it safely into her blouse. “When I broke Jaz out of the warcamp, we really bonded and we ended up getting too romantic. I shouldn’t have let that happen, but it did and now I have to go get Edward soon, so we need to just be friends again.”

“But Jasper doesn’t want to just be friends?”

“He would never ask me to give up Edward. He’ll struggle every step of the way, but he’d never try to stop me. He’s upset that I’ve tried to push him away years in advance, I think it’s come on too suddenly for him. I just can’t have it be awkward, I can’t lose him.”

Esme thought for a moment, choosing her words carefully. “Do you love Jasper?”

Bella bit her lip. “I can’t let myself think like that. I did once, and it was a mistake. I should have kept my distance because now I have to lose him and it feels like no one understands. No one is on my side anymore, no one wants me to follow the letters anymore.”

Esme touched her hand. “I’m on your side. If you think going to get Edward is the right thing to do, then I support you all the way.”

Bella smiled a little. “Thank you, Esme.”

“You’re welcome.” Esme dug in the ground a little and came to a conclusion. “By that matter, I think we should set a date. If you don’t want to do it you can put it off forever. We should set the day when you will go to Edward. What year were you thinking of?”

“1919,” Bella said, “one year after he was originally turned, to give him some more time.”

Esme nodded, “Good idea. How about some time in the spring? So the days aren’t too long, but you don’t have to spend all your time inside.”

Bella nodded but didn’t say anything.

“May 1st?” Esme suggested.

Bella nodded again. “May 1st, 1919. That’s when I’ll go find Edward.”

“Good. It’ll be much easier to stick with if we have a concrete date.”

Esme directed Bella over to some seedlings that needed to be planted in the beds. Bella set about her task, small smile on her face.

“I really do appreciate it, Esme. It’s nice to be secure that I’m supported in this. I’m glad you’re in our family.”

Esme’s chest ached and her lip wobbled, she reached over and squeezed Bella’s hand. “Thank you, I’m glad I’m here too. Thank you for letting me in, I know it can’t be easy to live with a human.”

“You’re worth it,” Bella smiled, then abruptly studied the seedlings. “Have you… considered? Y’know…”

“Becoming like you?” Esme supplied.

Bella nodded, eyes trained on anything but Esme. 

Esme sighed. “I’m just… I’m not sure. I don’t have to, do I?”

Bella frowned. “No, of course you don’t have to.”

“But you want me to?”

“Well… yes.” Bella sighed and turned back to face her, seedlings forgotten by her side. “If you stay human you’ll die someday and I don’t want that to happen.”

“Vampires can still die.”

Bella smiled absently. “Yes, but I’m much better at fighting other vampires than I am at fighting diseases.”

Esme fell silent, Bella continued.

“I’m sorry if it seems like I’m pushing you,” she sighed and turned back to the plants. “I don’t mean to. I know this life isn’t for everyone, and I’ll accept any decision you make - truly. I just… don’t want to lose you. Ever.”

Esme swallowed. “Because I’m your mother? In the future?”

Bella froze, arm outstretched towards a trowel.

“Jasper told me about your… relationship with my future self.” Said Esme.

Bella moved only to look at her, eyebrows furrowed and worried. She must have seen something that soothed her; as her limbs unlocked, she took a breath and forced a shy smile.

“Of course he did,” she said. “I shouldn’t have expected any less, he’s a dreadful meddler you know.”

Esme laughed and Bella took her hand.

“I don’t remember much about my human mom,” she said. “All I've got is that she was tan, she had smile lines and always smelled like coconut oil. She loved me but I had to look after her all the time. I made sacrifices so she could follow her dreams when it should really be the other way ‘round - although I only know that from what people have told me…

“Esme was my real mom, in a way. She’s the only one I remember. She said she loved me the second she saw me, and that it was the same for all her children. Love at first sight…” She laughed sadly. “I miss her. I’ve missed her for 30 years and it’s never gotten any easier. She’s been this comfort blanket to me, because yeah I also miss Alice, Rose, Em and Edward - but at least I’ll have my mom back soon.”

Esme’s heart broke a little bit. “Oh Bella…”

She shook her head and looked intently at the ground. “You’re not her. I’ve tried to convince myself that you are, but you’re not. You’re different people with different experiences and I was stupid to think that you at 21 would be the same as her at 106.”

“I’m sorry.”

Bella’s head shot up and she frowned into her eyes. “Don’t be sorry. It’s not your problem, it’s mine. Carlisle and Jasper essentially treated me the same as they always had when I found them so I didn’t think to expect anything different. It’s my fault for giving myself the wrong expectations. Besides… I care about you, even love you. Not because you’re her, or you could be her - because you’re you. You’re funny and clever and you care so deeply for others without anything in return. For God’s sake,” she smiled and shook her head, “you called me your sister within a couple hours of meeting me.”

Esme tucked a loose strand of hair behind Bella’s ear. “I cared for you the moment I saw you.”

Bella’s eyebrows shot up, she bit her lip and her eyes started to glisten. Esme couldn’t help herself, she pulled Bella towards her and propelled herself forwards when it didn’t work. She hugged her rock hard body with all her might. Bella’s hands rested gently on her back and she sighed into her shoulder.

“I’ll miss her forever,” she whispered, “but I’m looking forward to spending my life with you. I can’t wait to see what you’ll become, even though it won’t be her.”

Esme held her tighter, this poor girl who had been orphaned twice over. She might never be Bella’s Esme. She would never grow into an exact copy of the woman Bella knew in the future. But she would love and care for her all the same. If not as her mother, just as family.

Later, in the relative privacy of her bedroom, Esme went to her little writing desk and opened the drawer. In it was a letter, soft and old, but pristine and unopened. A message from Bella’s Esme to her.

She was finally going to open it.

She settled into her window seat and slipped her finger under the seal. The flap popped open with no damage to the paper at all, the adhesive had degraded with age. 

She was faced with writing just like hers, only it seemed smoother somehow, bolder and larger. 

Esme,

How strange to be writing a letter to myself. I’m trying to imagine what I would be doing in your position but it’s all so insane I’m struggling. I don’t blame you if you’re having trouble, I know I would too. 

I’m not entirely sure what to say. I could dazzle you with information only I could know, but Bella has gone back to before you were born and I don’t know if you have had all the same experiences. I don’t know her full plan, I don’t even think she does. 

That’s my girl though, she runs in first and thinks later. It gets awfully funny sometimes, especially watching her and Jasper run rings around each other. Jasper stresses over everything, safety in particular - while Bella is like a wrecking ball sometimes, breaking through his walls, jumping into danger and pulling him along with her. I know he’s always happy to spend time with her though. They’re a good pair, I think. They fill each other's shortcomings. 

You should have met Jasper by now - provided Bella has succeeded in liberating him from Maria’s camp. I can’t lie, I am so worried about them. I hope beyond hope that you know them and they’re both unharmed. I’m terrified that it might be too much to ask for. 

Bella might not have told you much about the future, but there are a few people I would like you to know about. My children.

I lost my first child, my son that I carried as a human. Bella might have told you about him, or she might have tried to protect you from my pain - ask her if you want, she knows the whole story. Edward was my second son, my second chance at motherhood. You might have met him and Alice already, they were turned at around the same time as me and I’m not sure of Bella’s plans for them yet. They’re wonderful, although I might just be saying that as their mother. Edward is sensitive and caring, he would move mountains for those he loves. Alice is clever and so thoughtful. Her gift is to see the future, millions of them all at once, and she will still sift through them to tell you what the traffic will be like tomorrow.

You are unlikely to have met Rosalie and Emmett at the time you’re reading this. They’re my darlings, they really are. They love each other so fiercely and have from the moment they laid eyes on each other. 

Rosalie has had a difficult life with many disappointments, and she appears cold because of it - but that’s only a front she puts up. Who knows? Maybe Bella will save her from her troubles and she might feel able to be the sweet girl she hides from the rest of us. It might take a miracle, but who knows what’s possible?

Emmett though, he doesn’t hide a thing. He’s a sweetheart through and through, impossible not to love. Not all of them particularly feel like siblings to each other, we are a complicated family after all! Emmett, however, has always been Bella’s big brother. They are so naturally comfortable together. I’m sure Bella misses him. Well, I’m sure she misses all of them, but Emmett is so far away from her and she loves him so uncomplicatedly. I feel for her. My heart breaks for her. 

I hope they’re happy, that’s all I could ever dream to hope for. 

I hope you’re happy too. I hope you have the experiences that have made my life so wonderful. I hope you get the chance to love the people I love. 

I wish you luck and joy.

Sincerely,

Esme Cullen.

Esme bit her lip, then greedily read the letter again. She absorbed her future self’s words like they were a lifeline. It was her but in a time where she knew better, where horrible things had happened to her and she was wiser for it. A version of her who was a mother, who knew this family better than they knew themselves.

If she stayed human she would die in 60 years. How much would she miss out on? Who would she miss out on? 

Maybe living forever wouldn’t be so bad.

She sighed and spoke, knowing all her family could hear her.

“I will turn. I’ll be like you.”

Chapter Text

T/W - Graphic assault and injury, skip from * to ** if you want to skip it

She put it off at first. First she wanted to stay in Ohio until her brother finished school, then it was Claire’s wedding, then her mom got sick. She put it off and off over and over, but it didn’t matter because everyone knew she would eventually. She was Esme Cullen, and when she decided to do something she would goddamn do it. 

Autumn turned to winter and spring came close on the horizon. They were forced to start planning for the possibility that they might have three newborns at once; Esme, Edward and Alice. Jasper looked ill at the prospect. But then one day, after a lovely meal eaten alone and resting by the fire before falling asleep in a house full of people who can't, Esme sighed and said “I suppose I’m ready now. How exactly do we go about this?”

Jasper had been planning for years, decades really. Carlisle quickly 'received a job offer in Canada’, in an area Bella didn’t think would be too affected by World War 2 so Esme’s family wouldn’t worry in 20 years time. They wouldn’t actually move there, of course. Their family wouldn’t be fit to be around humans for at least five years, not until Edward and Alice were fully controlled. The most logical course of action would be to fake their deaths, but by moving away Esme could still write at least. The new address that they gave everyone was actually a post office box they planned to check every couple of weeks. It was too far for Mrs Platt to visit, not so far that they’d be in a country threatened by the Nazis and their mail wouldn’t be able to get across the Atlantic.

Mrs Platt wasn’t happy about the job offer. She had been hinting about grandchildren for months and now was in the position that if she had them she might not be able to see them. Her daughter living in a remote region of Canada? Insane, ridiculous. But it was happening. 

March 25th, 1917. Jasper.

The house was closed up, bags all packed, the Platts and the rest of Columbus Ohio tearfully waved off and the Cullens were off to Canada. Carlisle and Esme rode up front in their state of the art truck, while the three ‘younger’ ones were slumming it in the back with the luggage. 

Bella quickly started getting restless sitting still, her chest a swirling ball of stress and anxiety. Jasper understood the feeling, even if he did feel it was a bit extreme at this point in the journey.

“I might jump out and run instead,” Bella finally said. “There’s tree cover, I’ll just stay by the road.”

She jumped out of the wagon before anyone could offer to come with her and disappeared into the trees. Jasper decided to just leave her to it, it wasn’t like she couldn’t find her way back to them if she wandered off somewhere.  

They stopped at an inn a few hours later so Esme could stretch her legs and eat a hot meal. Jasper jumped down and scanned the trees for Bella, but found nothing. He reached out with his gift, but her vibrations that he was usually so attuned to were nowhere to be found. He scented the air, but as expected came up with nothing. She had run off somewhere else. 

He liked to think he understood her, even if he didn’t always agree with her; but he didn’t understand what could possibly be upsetting her this time. There had to be something else, something might be seriously wrong. 

He called out to Carlisle, “Bella and I are just going hunting! Back later!”

He ran off before Carlisle could respond, running back the way they came through the tree cover she’d claimed to stick to. Despite not having her scent yet, he just knew she was back in Columbus. He couldn’t describe why, just a feeling that she had some unfinished business in that place. Then sure enough, after about 60 miles he caught on to her scent and followed it right back to the woods outside town. 

It was just far enough away from the houses that no one would hear any screaming, and Bella was taking full advantage of that fact. 

*A man that could barely be recognised as Dr Charles Evenson was writhing on the floor, skin ripped across his arms, teeth gritted and falling out, bruises blossoming all over his flesh. His leg pointed out at the wrong angle, one of his eyes was swollen; when Jasper looked closely he noticed the man’s shoulder joint was poking out of his skin. 

Bella stood above it all, calm, happy. 

Jasper rarely saw her truly at peace, especially recently. Ever since her very intimidating task had reared its ugly head she had been stressed and guilty every moment of every day. It was exhausting just for him to feel it, let alone her. But there, stood above her prey, she was perfectly at peace. Of course, Evenson was the man Bella wanted to kill when they first moved there. The man who abused Esme the first time all this happened. He truly deserved the hell she was giving him.

He watched enraptured as she slowly bent down to her victim, stroked his face like a lover, pinched his ear like she was teasing and ripped it off like an animal. She threw it into the trees to the side of them, where two large wolves she had managed to chain up ripped it apart. Evenson’s screams almost drowned out the sounds of his ear being eaten and the wolves whining for more. 

Bella wasn’t phased. She crouched down, stroked his injured shoulder, smirked at his whimper. She tossed her head to the side and inspected the hole where his ear once was. She shivered, a black ripple of bloodlust shone through her colours and she licked the stream of blood flowing down the man’s neck. 

Evenson started to cry, Jasper started to grin. 

Bella drew a nail down Evenson’s sternum and then licked up the blood that welled there. The black bloodlust in her colours grew, she shut her eyes and held it back but it wasn’t enough. She sat crouched beside him, unmoving, just long enough for hope to start dripping into Evenson’s fear. Then she pounced.

Teeth in neck, traditional. She had the presence of mind to go slow, Evenson had enough time to know what was happening. And then Jasper’s girl, his clever clever girl, sat up and took her teeth off the man. She gave him just enough to see her, blooded mouth and eyes, and just enough time for her venom to kick in. 

Evenson started screaming in a new kind of agony. His good arm came up to scratch at his sides as if he could get the venom out. Bella watched him, a satisfied smirk on her lips. Then she licked up the trail of blood she had left, picked up the man, and gave him to the wolves.

He had enough life left in him to cry as the animals ripped him to shreds.

**Bella stood there, posture relaxed but body tense, her chest heaving with unnecessary breaths. The bloodlust within her still raged, but was overcome with a distinct flavour of satisfaction. She turned around so Jasper could see her face. Her eyes shone like rubies, hands and clothes covered in blood. Her arms trembled but she was too controlled to lick them clean like she once might have done. Her hair had been pulled out of its pins and was gloriously wild, stray drops of blood matted at the ends. 

She was the girl he had always feared, yet always wanted. The first time he saw her he had imagined this sweet sunny eyed girl covered in the blood of her victims and gleaming with satisfaction. He had wanted to see her innocence wrecked, then couldn’t help but be heartbroken when it was. But still sometimes, just sometimes, her darkness was the most beautiful thing about her. This girl was his. She was created through their time together, she became like this because of him. Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing was unimportant - what was important is that it was him. Not Carlisle, or Edward, or Esme, or Alice, or even his own future self. This aspect of her wasn’t caused by some future family so completely unconnected to him. It was forged with him and him alone. 

He took an involuntary burning inhale and her eyes snapped to him. They stood facing each other for a few moments, neither sure of how the other would react - until Jasper saw the bloom of lust within her and couldn’t keep it in anymore.

“Fuck, you’re so perfect.”

He barely finished his gasped out statement before she was on him, fingers wrenched through hair and legs wrapped around waist. Their mouths pressed together in a flurry of lust, teeth and blood. He gripped her ass and pulled it in, gained some composure and slammed her into the sturdiest tree so he could lean into her. Her lips tasted like copper and heaven. He thrusted up and she growled, the rumbles passing through her chest and into his. He bit her bottom lip and his fingers couldn’t help but scrabble up her ripped stockings. He reached her garters and her legs squeezed him in closer.

He gasped into her mouth. This was the farthest they had ever gone in 31 years; 31 years of stolen kisses and passionate comfort, of yearning and taking what they could but never what they wanted. He had dreamed of this, wondered if it would never happen. He had worried that he would never feel her against him again.

He was a fool.

He stopped and pulled back, just enough to look into her eyes. She gazed back up at him, blood smeared across her face, chest heaving. Her colours swirled in black, red and gold, then heavy, dark guilt permeated from within. Her eyes widened and she slid from his hold, running away and leaving him half slumped against a tree, listening to wolves rip a man apart.

She left him cold. 

Peter.

Esme was allowed to choose her own house and the joy it gave her was goddamn delightful. She practically squealed as Carlisle slowed to a stop and let her slide off his back. It was a cute house, sure enough. A little wooden thing that used to be a hunters’ lodge, set back far enough into the frozen wilderness that no humans worth living would wander into the vicinity. They couldn’t get a single horse up here, let alone a wagon or a motorcar; the last ten miles had to be done on foot.

They’d had to reign Mrs Cullen in on decorating though. She’d been cataloguing all their furniture - which was mainly antiques through sheer laziness - trying to figure out what should go where and how to have the rooms ‘flow’ right. Carlisle had stopped her, she’d destroy anything she created. Their Michigan residence was full to bursting with stored furniture, just waiting for her to have enough control for interior design. 

She was still happy though, still excited. She was one of those people that Peter just wanted to see happy, nothing else. Rare in this world. Rare and special. 

The house was small and barren, but he and Jaz had run up there the day before the slower truck would arrive to dust and bring in some rudimentary furniture: some chairs to sit on, a table to eat at, a mirror and dresser for those unwilling to store their clothes on the floor, dozens of curtains and blankets to keep her human self warm, plus a large soft bed for the Mrs Cullen to turn on. That was tricky as hell to get through the trees. All worth it though to just shake his brother from the weird funk he’d shown up in. No one had dared ask about it, just like how no-one mentioned that Bella’s eyes were orange instead of yellow.

There was some tension in the air when they all walked in and Esme saw the place for the first time. As cozy as it was, the difference between it and their previous colonial house was stark and it was obvious why. 

Esme wandered about, straightening fabrics and opening drapes to let the sunlight in. She seemed so happy, but that tension was still there. Jasper looked damn constipated trying to either fix it or just deal with it. Peter sighed.

“It sure is cold, I’ll light a fire,” he said, and made his way to the hearth, grabbing a set of matches from the bags. 

This seemed to shake the others from their awkwardness and they sprang into action, unpacking the things that still needed doing and ushering Esme to sit down as if she had walked through the wilderness herself. 

Esme remarked on it being cold and was steered into a chair by the fire, a blanket wrapped around her and a hastily warmed up bowl of soup placed into her hands before she could say another word. Her mouth twisted in humour before she tucked in. The rest of them settled around her, Jasper, Peter and Carlisle claimed the other chairs while Bella curled up on the floor by her knees.

“So…” she said after the family had finally calmed. “How do we do this?”

No one answered. Peter guessed none of them had really thought about it. 

“Well you’re pretty lucky actually,” he said when no one else spoke. “You have a choice that not many people have, you get to pick who turns you. Could have one of the Denalis or anything. World’s your oyster!”

“Oh… You know I’m not sure.” She looked down at Bella. “Who turned me originally?”

“Carlisle,” Bella rested her head back. “You were nearly dead, same as the rest of us.”

Esme frowned thoughtfully and had another spoonful of soup. “So it’s not necessarily a parental relationship? Being a sire?”

Bella snorted. “That would make Jas and Peter’s relationship pretty damn weird!”

Peter held in a cackle as his sire groaned at the old joke. “Don’t give him an excuse to call me Papa again.”

Peter wiggled his eyebrows. “Too late, Daddy.”

“Oh my God!” Bella wheezed. “That’s so much worse!”

Jasper obnoxiously interrupted their fun. “What do you think, Carlisle?”

“Oh yeah!” Peter gasped through his giggling. “This is all moot. You’re not gonna be willing to let someone else put their scent on your mate, surely! It’s like letting someone else mark her!”

“…Mark me?” Esme interjected. “What’s that?”

“It’s like a vampire wedding ring,” Peter responded.

“Not quite like a vampire wedding ring,” Carlisle sighed. “When we bite each other we leave a bit of our scent. We can tell who turned who because we can smell it, Peter has Jasper’s scent ingrained in his and Bella has mine. Bites received in fights leave scent too, but not as much. When we mark someone we feed from them for a long time, it permanently puts our scent on them so whenever they come across another vampire it’s clear who is aligned with who. Some coven leaders used to insist on marking all of their members, but most just use it to mark the person they love romantically.”

“So like a vampire wedding ring,” Peter repeated. “Which is why I’m surprised that Carlisle would be comfortable with someone else turning you.”

“Well…” Carlisle paused and frowned in thought. “I really don’t think I mind. My experience of being a sire has always been as a father, and I must confess I’ve been dreading putting someone I love in pain.”

“Well then you don’t have to turn me!” Esme said. “Perhaps… Jasper or Peter would be willing to do it?”

Jasper startled. “Wait, really?” At her nod, he frowned. “You realise that every other vamp you meet would be able to smell that one of us sired you - for the rest of your life.”

She shrugged. “What’s wrong with that? You’re my family. I love you.”

“I…” Jasper stopped and shook his head. His fingers moved over his sleeves in a way that only Peter would recognise. He sometimes traced his own scars when he thought about the good people willing to call damaged monsters like them kin. 

“Okay…” he finally said. “I s’pose I can’t argue with that.”

It wasn’t really much of a question after that. Peter wasn’t the siring type, not one for eternal responsibility or anything like that. Jasper though, he was the responsible one. He would never let harm come to Esme, not for anything.

He showed up the next morning with red eyes and no-one mentioned a thing. In fact, for the first time ever Carlisle seemed grateful to him for killing. Esme was more important than any other human, that was something they could all agree on. 

Esme certainly noticed the red eyes, but everyone was so tense and nervous that she probably worried about saying something. Bella was weirdly the only one not freaking out in some way, she calmly talked Esme through how the scarring works and showed her the difference in ones done in different ways. Esme decided on one bite, right on the join of her elbow where the scar would be easily obscured. Usually you’d would bite more than once to make the transition quicker, but staying in one place for longer was just as effective - if more difficult. 

Bella didn’t seem to give that a second thought, but there was no way it was because she didn’t think of it. She just had that much faith in Jasper’s control. It was impressive. The world’s biggest compliment that he would probably get really smug about if he wasn’t having a crisis.

Carlisle wanted to be in the room, but his distress was obvious and in the end Esme made him leave. “I have enough people to comfort me! You can come back when it’s over!”  Bella took position holding her hand; while Peter stood guard by Jasper’s head, just in case he lost control. 

He didn’t, his control was perfect. Bella was, as always, totally correct in her trust in him. 

Esme hissed in pain as his teeth slid through her skin, but stayed valiantly still to keep the scar as small as possible. He fed slowly for a full 30 seconds, pumping as much venom in as possible so the turn wouldn’t take so long. Peter was impressed, that shit was really difficult and he wouldn’t have been surprised if Jaz had gone out and practiced on his prey before killing them.

He could tell when the venom kicked in, when Esme’s attempts to stay still stopped working and her arms and legs started to thrash around the covers. Jasper released and backed off as Esme started to whimper, lip clenched between her teeth so hard it began to bleed.

“It’s okay,” Bella soothed, holding her cold hand on the bite mark that was surely burning like hell. “You’re safe, we’re with you. I know it hurts, it’s okay to scream. Don’t hurt yourself more trying not to make noise. This will pass, I promise. We won’t leave you alone. We love you.”

Esme gave a great heaving gasp as Bella gave her permission to, poor thing must have been trying not to show how bad it hurt. They all knew exactly what it felt like. 

Her gasps quickly turned to screams and Carlisle rushed in, practically shoulder barging Peter and Jasper out the way to kneel at her bedside and stroke her hair out of her face. 

This was going to be a long three days.

Esme. 

Words could not describe the feeling of fire burning through your veins. Esme blanked it out and focused only on the voices around her.

Her family never left her alone, not even once. She kept her awareness solely on the cold hands on hers, the soft voices telling her stories, the rustles and dips in her side when someone sat on the bed next to her. Carlisle laid by her for a while, she couldn’t acknowledge him (screaming and crying as she was) but she could feel his strong presence beside her and his cold body soothing the side of her burning one.

Every so often, someone would tell her how long was to go and how far she’d come. She was grateful for that, it kept her centred in the real world. She was still real, she was still her. This would end, she would get through this and wake up as something different. 

When someone told her she was on her last day, she realised it wasn’t just them she was hearing. 

She had been listening to a conversation between Peter and Bella, about what animals were available around here. They were planning her first hunting trips and she had assumed they were in the room with her, but they weren’t. She could hear from other rooms, her ears were getting as good as the others. 

Encouraged by her newfound skill, and a reminder of what exactly she was suffering for, she listened hard to the rest of the house. She listened out for every sound, every word muttered, snooped on every conversation, just to keep her sanity.

A while later she realised the sheets under her fingers felt different. What had felt silky before was rougher, she could feel every strand of fibre within them, count the lines of thread. She did this over and over until she realised that her fingertips didn’t burn anymore, neither did her toes. She paid attention to the burning she had been trying so hard to shut out as it retracted from her feet and hands, the cool numbness it left in it’s wake travelled up her legs and arms, soothing her belly and head until they met in the middle of her chest. Her heart screamed in burning pain and she must have screamed along with it. 

“This is it!”

“Carlisle you need to step back! Peter, roll your sleeves down!”

“Esme you’re almost there!”

She gritted her teeth through her heart’s last beats of agony, then all at once it stopped. The burning, the pain, her heartbeat. She slowly opened her eyes, and saw the world anew. 

Chapter Text

April 30th, 1919. Esme.

The first two years of Esme’s new life went about as smoothly as could be expected. She’d been terrified of Jasper, Peter and Bella at first, seeing glimpses of scars on their arms and necks that meant they could only be out to kill her. Carlisle took care of her the first few days; he took her out to the woods where she could hunt for her dinner and play in the snow without fear of getting cold. They stayed out there for ages as she learned how to exist in this new form, then when they returned she was far happier to see the rest of her adopted family. 

After two years of this life she had learned to temper her strength, to walk and talk the human way, her eyes had calmed to a buttercup yellow and she was nearly comfortable enough with her control to rejoin some sort of society. Her family had brought her to parks and the beach when it was cold and few were out and she had done excellently, or so Carlisle told her. Jasper theorised that turning by choice helped you have better control in the first few years, Carlisle said it was just her good nature showing through. 

With every day that she made progress she saw some tension leave the others’ shoulders. Of course, if she hadn’t taken so well to this life they would have had to deal with three newborns at once: Alice, Edward, and herself. Now there would only be two uncontrollable newborns, as everyone expected that Edward would choose to turn right away. Bella wasn’t so sure, but she never seemed sure anymore. From the second Esme had woken up it was like there was a wall erected between Jasper and Bella. They barely spoke except for polite nothings, barely looked in each other’s direction except when the other’s attention was elsewhere. 

Everyone felt their pain, everyone knew why they were suffering so; from Carlisle and Peter to the Denalis when they visited. Every day ticked down to the day Bella would go get Edward.

So, on April 30th, 1919, the day before; Esme watched Bella as she walked like a spectre through the cabin. The poor girl had been standing and staring out the window for hours, ever since Jasper had announced he was going hunting and his footsteps had faded into the background. She was staring at his footprints in the snow, eyes wide and totally unmoving. She had 12 hours before she had to leave for the Masen farm in Michigan, about a four hour run away, but Esme knew full well that her bags upstairs were empty and her precious documents still locked in Carlisle’s desk. 

If Jasper never came back she wasn’t sure the poor girl would ever move again. 

Peter and Carlisle had noticed her desperate state too, of course, and were debating it upstairs in hushed tones Esme could just about hear. They were talking about going and bringing Jasper back, putting off this trip until later on, maybe trying to convince her to give up on it altogether. 

Surely they couldn’t believe that would ever work. 

Bella had told Esme that while this wasn’t what she wanted, it was the way it had to be. Esme had to trust that, and support her loved ones as best she could.

Which meant not letting her sweet girl mourn a set of footprints all day.

She approached the statue at the window. “…Bells? Why don’t you come away and tell me one of your stories? You never finished telling me about the one where Edward saved you from a moving car.”

Bella flinched, the voices upstairs halted. Esme cringed, her gamble might have backfired and made everything worse.

“It was called a van actually,” Bella eventually said. “A boy I went to school with was trying to drive home but his van skidded on a patch of ice and nearly hit me. Edward jumped in front of me and pushed it away.”

Esme smiled. “How heroic.”

“It’s not like he could’ve been hurt by it,” she whispered and continued to stare out the window.

They all lapsed back into silence, it looked like Esme’s gamble hadn’t backfired but hadn’t exactly helped either.

But then Bella smiled. “Jasper was furious. He thought I would tell everyone what I’d seen and tried to convince Edward and Alice to let him kill me.”

“… Oh?” 

“He wasn’t used to trusting humans, but he came around. Saved my life a few times too. My Jasper…” the smile grew tight, her eyes began to shine, “…my Jasper was a good man. He made good decisions. He deserved only the best things, he deserved happiness.”

Esme’s mouth hung agape. Was it possible that in all of this, Bella was mourning the Jasper she had left behind? 

She took a breath to reply, but Bella turned and cut her off.

“I need to go pack.”

Esme watched her retreating back as she ran upstairs to her room, the door slamming behind her. Carlisle and Peter sneaked downstairs soon after to question what the hell had happened, Esme couldn’t explain it to them. She had no idea what was going through the girl’s head any more than they did.

Jasper.

He had to go back eventually, once he’d drained so many wolves his stomach hurt and the hands on his watch drifted ever closer to the time she would depart. He had no intention of letting her go without saying goodbye. 

She was waiting for him on the back porch, sitting on the railing with her feet dangling off the ground, her colours dark, murky and hard to put together. She didn’t look up, although he knew she heard him. He came to a halt a few feet in front of her, and said nothing.

Minutes later, she finally spoke. 

“Nice hunt?”

He grunted, he hadn’t been expecting anything more eloquent than that really.

“Lots of wolves about.”

“Oh good, I’ll have to catch one… later…”

Jasper dimly heard the sound of the front door and running footsteps as the rest of the family evacuated the house. 

“You’re still going then?”

She finally looked up, but could only meet his eye for a second before staring at the scenery behind his ear instead.

“I have to.”

He was filled with this wave of indignation, of the need to argue something he knew would never change.

“No you don’t. You don’t have to.”

“Jas…”

“I just can’t believe you’re doing this,” he gasped.

She sighed. “What do you want me to do? Leave my husband?”

“You can’t leave him when you’re not with him, Bella!” he tried to meet her eye and grew agitated when she wouldn’t. “You can’t hurt him! But you can sure as hell hurt me!”

“I know…” She looked at the sky, eyes shining. “I know this is hurting you.”

“Oh you don’t know the half of it, Bells. You’re not just leavin’ me. You’re goin’ off and erasing our life and I’m supposed to just step back and watch?”

Shock jolted through her. She finally looked at him, eyebrows drawn together. “What?”

“This life that we’ve built together! The last 30 years! It hasn’t been perfect, but it’s been us, together. It shaped us and now you want to pretend it never happened!”

Her colours turned to grey horror. “Jas, I don’t-”

“You wanna pretend that we never happened!” his voice cracked. “That I’m nothing! You’re gonna go away and marry someone else and let him believe that I’m your brother, and I will stand there and watch and burn because to be apart from you would be to rip myself in two!”

The grey engulfed her, blackness bloomed in her chest, shooting through her like a knife. Her chest heaved in silent sobs. “I’m sorry…” 

He stared at her for a moment, already regretting his harsh words as the woman he loved broke down before him. But he couldn’t just apologise and take it back because it was true. It was true and it killed him. There was nothing he could say, there was nothing she could say.

“I know this is an impossible situation for you,” he whispered. “I wish… I wish I could be angry with you for it. I wish you’d admit that this will make you happier, so I can hate you and get over it.”

“It’s not that simple…”

“So you’ve said.”

“I’m sorry that I’ve not dealt with this well. I made it harder for you than it had to be. I’m just… I thought I would be ready,” she let out a bitter little laugh. “It all sounded so simple at the beginning. Edward and I were supposed to have eternity together and this was just a little thirty year blip. He was mainly worried about me dying. I don’t think me falling for someone else even crossed his mind.”

“Do you think he’d be angry?”

She shook her head, dashing his hopes that he’d cracked the mystery. “No, if he could see me now he would tell me to forget about him and go be happy with you - but this isn’t just about us, and it’s not as simple as it seems. Please try to understand that.”

“I wish you would just tell me everything so I can even start to understand it,” he hissed. “I don’t see how our future selves can have so much impact on you now. Especially if they would tell us to be happy together.”

“I only said Edward wouldn’t be angry…”

“Then who would be?”

“You.”

“… me?”

She finally met his eye, he could see her heart breaking. “I love you,” she whispered. “I love you more than anything in the world…”

His breath caught, words he’d never dared hope for still lingering on her lips.

“… but I loved your future self too. He gave so much for me, for all of us. He was the best of men, and if I were to give in and stay with you then I would be betraying him. I can’t do that.”

Jasper stared in bemusement, trying to rationalise a version of him that cared enough for Bella to move mountains for her but not enough to consent for him to be with her.

“But he’s gone,” he finally whispered. “He’s gone and I’m here. Why do his wishes matter more than mine?”

“Because once you have had the same experiences as him you will feel the same. You will want what he wanted and if I stay here with you I will be in the way. I’ll lose you and you’ll resent me and I can’t bear the thought…”

“Where the fuck are you getting this from? You can’t see the future!”

“I can see this clear enough!” she snapped. “You think I want this? It’s killing me! I wish I could stay with you! But I can’t and I need you to accept that so we can all move on!”

He said nothing, she continued on.

“You are going to be happy! Happier than me! Please believe me when I say that if I don’t go get Edward we will all be miserable - especially me. If you won’t accept that I’m trying to protect you at least let me try to protect myself.”

She fell silent when he once again made no reply. He just stood there, soaking in her turbulent colours and the tenuous joy of just being able to look at her. All he wanted was for her to be close to him and happy, he was sick of the tension, sick of the pain. He wanted his girl back.

“We have had this fight what feels like a thousand times,” he finally murmured. “I can’t stop you going, and I won’t try. You’ve made your decision, I won’t try to fight it again. You can go marry him. I won’t leave you, unless you tell me to, and I won’t do anything to ruin it. But just… don’t make me pretend I have nothing to mourn. Let me keep my memories… please.”

She looked up at him with shining eyes and nodded, lip clenched between her teeth. He turned and wandered back into the woods, her whisper followed him.

“I’m sorry…”

“…I know.”

He was planning on staying in the woods until he was sure she had gone; so he didn’t have to see her leave, soft brown satchel full of secrets secure at her side, just the way she was when she ran off to get him once upon a time. 

The last of the light faded through the trees, she found him. 

Her face was pinched and her feelings clouded, but gold was finally starting to creep back through the gloom. At least he would always have that, the constant reminder that she loved him. She had done even longer than he had loved her, she glowed golden for him the first second she saw him. 

She came to a stop towards him and for a second they just stared at each other. She was dressed fashionably for the times, her hair pinned back ready for her hat. His breath caught at the reminder, she would be seen by society in just a few hours.

They had stared at each other just long enough for it to be awkward before she finally moved towards him. She lifted his hands to her lips and kissed them gently, her eyes never leaving his. They drifted closer as if by gravity, his hands were compelled to her waist, hers to his jaw. 

“Listen to me,” she whispered. “The past 30 years have been the most stressful, most heartbreaking, most wonderful of my life. Nothing either of us do will ever change that. I mean it, Jas. You made me who I am. No matter what, you’re a part of me.”

She let go of his face with one hand and pulled at the buttons holding her collar together.

“I want you to mark me.”

“What?” he finally gasped. “What about Edward?”

“Like I said, Jas. You’re a part of me.” She bared her collarbone expectantly. “I can’t pretend our time together never happened and I don’t intend to. If he wants me, he has to accept you.”

He stood there silently, staring at the gossamer collar in her hand and the unblemished neck it exposed. 

“Bite me,” she repeated. “Mark me.”

Jasper inspected her throat. Two scars, one on each side, one angry from Victoria and one gentle from Carlisle. When he pulled back to look into her eyes she looked almost desperate, begging him for this, she needed this.

He needed it too. 

With gentle fingers he opened her blouse a little more and pushed it and the cotton strap of her chemise to the side, revealing her delicate collarbone and the curve of her shoulder. There was a line there, the scar from when her full arm was ripped off in her quest to save him. He ran his thumb over the ridge and remembered her pain, she had needed to taste her first human to make it reattach. He had been the one to help her recover, to bring her back to herself. He remembered her innocence, the way she had needed him and the way that made him feel. Her love for him had been so sweet, so trusting. She had always trusted him. 

He lightly touched her cheek with his other hand, checking that she was sure.

“You are a part of me,” she whispered. “I want everyone to know that, no matter what happens tomorrow.”

“But… Edward.”

“Marking isn’t something he’s interested in, and he’ll understand. He’ll have to.”

Finally convinced, he let his forehead rest against hers for a second, breathing in her air and her scent. With her blessing he gratefully sank down and bit into her shoulder over her collar bone, next to the scar. The strange sweet taste of her venom met his tongue, wrong yet right. She let out a sigh and pulled him closer, their whole bodies lined up. 

Marking was supposed to be a primal thing, aggressive and sexual. But this was somehow spiritual. She held him to her far longer than normal, he took her venom in and replaced it with his own until their scents were well and truly combined. He was part of her. For the rest of her life, Bella would carry his scent. He wouldn’t be satisfied until he carried hers too. 

He finally disengaged his teeth from her flesh and licked the neat wound closed. Her fingers had found the short hair at the back of his neck and tightened their grip as if to keep him there. He pressed a light kiss over the bite, trying not to overly agitate the sore area.

“Now I’ll carry you with me everywhere,” she whispered. “Whether you like it or not.”

He ran his nose languidly up her neck and kissed her temple.

“I will always want to be with you,” he said. “No matter what happens.”

He locked eyes with her and unbuttoned his shirt, pulling it open.

“I want to carry you with me too.”

Her soft hands smoothed over his scarred shoulders and chest as she settled over the exact spot he had marked on her. She kissed the blank piece of skin before gently biting into it. He relished in the sting, it only reminded him that it was real.

Bella was timid in things like this. Jasper could feel the guilt and pain that marred that golden love that surrounded them. He had no doubt that she would pull away, not wanting to influence any future he might one day want. But it was his life, his body, he would take her mark and allow it to mask all that came before or after it. The future didn’t matter. He would always be hers. 

He ran a hand up into her chestnut hair and held her to him, silently begging her to stay there. He needed it to be unquestionable, that even if they weren’t together they were inextricably linked. She fed at the wound for what could have been minutes or hours, he had no idea anymore. 

Eventually, when her venom had taken over and overrun every newborn who ever snapped at him and every instance of Maria touching him, she pulled away and softly nuzzled the wound closed. She rested her head under his jaw, he pulled her closer so he could feel the faint sweetness of her breath on his Adam’s apple.

“I love you,” he whispered.

She let out a broken sob. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay… we’re okay.”

He took the love they felt and wrapped it around them like a blanket. They stayed locked in its golden embrace until the dawn. 

Chapter Text

May 1st, 1919. Bella. 

Bella, 

I am terrified. I have never been so afraid in my stupidly long life. I’ve almost lost you before, but never like this. It’s like when you were bitten all over again, I’m useless, I can’t do anything. All I can do is write this stupid letter and hope that it somehow helps you while you’re alone in the past. I hate thinking of you being alone, I hope you find Carlisle quickly. 

The fields leading up to the Masen farm were soaked in dew and Bella was soaked running through them. It was unseasonably hot for the time of year, every farmhouse she had passed had their windows flung open, their soft sleeping breaths drifting down the lanes towards her. 

This world was one they had chosen for Edward. They had conspired to give his family a home in the country, somewhere away from the Spanish Flu, away from all the danger of Chicago. It had worked for the most part, they had received word that Edward Masen Sr died of another illness a few years before. That had shaken Bella, the fact that her meddling had caused Edward to lose his father earlier than he otherwise would have. But he still had his mother, and they were safe. 

And she was finally going to go find him. 

I need you to listen to Jasper, Bella. I need you to find Carlisle and rethink your plan to break Jasper out of the war camp. He is telling you not to, he’s so worried and scared of you getting hurt, almost as scared as me. Listen to him. He knows what dangers there are there. He thinks he will be the most likely one to kill you. Don’t put that on him, Bella. Don’t go to the warcamp.

Despite the last 30 years of her life and the incredible man she had spent them with, a part of her (a very conflicted part of her) wanted this. This was the neatest way, the best way. She loved Edward, something the passage of time couldn't change. He was distantly in the background of her every thought, every decision. Her journey was always supposed to lead her back to him. She loved her husband and she couldn't wait to see him again. 

Whatever her feelings for Jasper, he wasn’t hers and trying to force history to make him hers could have disastrous consequences. If she wanted them to have any future together, she had to do this. She pictured them all in two years time, Edward and Alice freshly turned. Jasper and Alice would fall in love the second they saw each other as they did before, and Jasper would finally understand why she had fought so hard to keep him distant. She would have Edward, Jasper would have Alice, and they would all be able to spend the rest of their lives together. Her family, back together again.

The image helped. It didn’t stop it hurting, but maybe nothing could.

Who am I kidding? Of course you’ll go. I can’t love you for your stubbornness and then expect you to just put it aside. Fine, but if you must go you must be careful. Follow Jasper’s instructions, he knows better than you in this case. Be careful, please please be careful. You have to survive, do you understand? You are my heart and soul. My world begins and ends with you. Live, my love. Just stay alive for me. I’m begging you.

She fiddled with the bracelet on her left wrist, Alice’s. She let the fine silver chain run through her fingers and touched the teardrop rose stones one by one. Alice, she was one step closer to Alice. She wished she was there now, however complicated that might make everything. She wished she was facing this with her sister at her side. Alice would know what to do and how to handle it, she always did. Bella was awkward, something time, age and vampirism never truly managed to smooth away. Alice was always the talker. Alice would charm the pants off Mrs Masen and explain everything to Edward no problem. 

How the hell was Bella going to explain everything to Edward? 

She shook her head, that was something she would deal with later, once she’d spoken to him and gotten to know him again. She had learned from her experience with Esme, this Edward was going to be different from the one she knew. If she went in with too clear expectations and too specific a plan, she would only be frustrated and disappointed.

No, she was going to meet him, shake his hand, and let herself fall in love with him the way she did the first time. 

It’s such a long time to wait, but in 30 years we will be together again. You will be in my arms again, I’ll be able to protect you again. 

The sun had risen past dawn and people began to stir in their beds. Bella was only a few hours walk away from Edward’s house. She stuck to the lane and ambled at human pace, grateful that despite the heat clouds still covered the sun. 

She had a lunch meeting with Edward’s mother, Mrs Elizabeth Masen. Technically, Carlisle was still the family’s lawyer, although according to their correspondence he was his own son. She was coming here on his behalf, as a surveyor. It gave her an excuse to stay in the town for as long as she needed, and a reason to come to the farm and see Edward as much as she wanted. 

The perfect plan.

She skirted around the edges of the town, her plan was to check in at the inn after meeting Edward. She came up to the farmhouse at twenty past eleven, just ten minutes before her arranged meeting with Mrs Masen. It was a proud, brick building; tall, large and comfortable. It sat on 150 acres of farmland, including cows, chickens, crops, the lot. The front door was painted a light blue and Bella could hear two people inside the house. Two women, based on their voices.

So Edward wasn’t home.

Her watch ticked over to eleven thirty. She took her wedding ring, which hung on a chain around her neck, and tucked it into her dress. Wouldn’t do for Mrs Masen to see it and wonder where she got it. She drew up her courage and knocked on the front door, and pasted a smile on her face when the housekeeper opened it.

“Can I help you miss?”

“Yes, I’m Isabella Cullen? I have an appointment with Mrs Masen?”

“Ah of course!”

The lady let her in and instructed her to leave her bags by the door. She was lead into a comfortable looking parlour just off the front hall, where a smiling, kind faced woman sat.

“Isabella! It’s so lovely to meet you at last! Please, sit down!”

Bella took a quick glance around the room. The walls and furnishings were a soft blue, the colour she had always somewhat associated with him. The mantle above the fireplace was full of photographs, showing Edward and other family members crowded together through the years. On the side of the room was a well loved piano, the base scuffed like it had been accidentally kicked too many times, the keys faded and lightly scratched, and sheet music piled on the top. 

It smelled like Edward too, in a way Bella couldn’t describe. It smelled clean, and like flowers, with a certain sense of something that she could only describe as smelling like home. She could almost feel her husband’s arms around her again, feel the security of his love for her in her soul.

“Coffee?”

Bella shot back to the present, where she hadn’t sat down yet and Mrs Masen was smiling up at her from the sofa. “Yes, please. No milk or sugar.”

“Ah, that’s how Edward has his!” Mrs Masen grinned as she poured the coffee into the cup, Bella sat down in an armchair to receive it. “I never understand it, how can anyone prefer to drink something bitter?”

Bella laughed along with her, accepting the cup and taking a fake sip. “I’m not sure, it’s the only way I can drink it.”

So followed a pleasant conversation consisting of small talk and then transitioning into a discussion of the farm. Bella was no lawyer, but was able to memorise enough terms to sound like one and seemed to have Mrs Masen fooled. She stayed alert to anyone moving outside the house, the dog outside had her convinced someone was coming at one point. At another point she thought the housekeeper was talking to someone, but actually she had just started humming. She was on the edge of her seat, practically vibrating with tension. She just wanted to see him.

Finally, her ears pricked at footsteps dashing up the front gravel path. Worn heels clipclopped up the wooden steps and a boy ducked in through the front door. 

He was tanned, that’s what struck her first. His nose was tinged red from countless sunburns, freckles scattered over his cheekbones, all the way down his neck and into his soft green shirt. The shirt was dark but didn’t quite hide the grass stains all up the back. His hair was pure copper, just as vivid as it had been when he was a child, but it was wild and windswept, as bright as his eyes as he came in from the summer air.

Even as a human, Edward loved to run fast.

“Edward!” his mother hissed. “Where have you been? I told you we have a guest!”

Edward laughed. “I’m sorry Mother, the chickens got out and we lost track of the time.”

Mrs Masen peered around him at the door. “Where’s Dorothy?”

“She’s just catching up,” he said and finally turned his grin towards Bella. “Hello,” he held his hand out, “My name’s Edward. Edward Masen.”

Bella stood, hesitated, then slowly reached out a quivering hand to shake his. “Isabella Cullen.”

She wasn’t sure what she was expecting. Fireworks? An electric current zipping from his palm to hers? His eyes widening in realisation that he had met the woman he was supposed to be with? None of that happened. She shook his hand, he smiled and let go after a respectful amount of time and he looked away. His heart didn’t skip a beat, the world did not stop turning, he was an ordinary man who just had an ordinary handshake.

Bella’s dead heart began to ache. 

“I can’t believe you ran on ahead of her,” Mrs Masen tutted. 

“She said she would rather have a cup of coffee as soon as possible than have me escort her to the door, would you rather I disregard her wishes?” Edward grinned and swanned into the kitchen. Bella’s eyes followed him through the door until he disappeared.

“My daughter in law should be here soon,” Mrs Masen sighed. “She’s moving a little slower than she used to, if you understand my meaning.”

Bella’s head whipped round. “Daughter in law?”

Mrs Masen nodded and sipped her coffee. “Yes, Edward and Dorothy got married… about two months ago now. I was planning on giving them my ring, since my husband passed I haven’t exactly had much use for it. But I lost the thing and it’s a crying shame. The ring she has now is lovely but still, it’s just not the same.”

Bella fell back into her seat, her ears were ringing. She heard Mrs Masen ramble as if through water. She zoned in on the sound of Edward’s footsteps, the clinking of cups and boiling of water as he made his wife a cup of coffee. She tried to remember times when he had made her coffee. He must have done at some point, but trying to find her human memories was like wading through mud and all she could find were the clear ones from when she was a young vampire. Their reunion when he came back after she turned, running through the forest, playing games with their siblings, their wedding. Their life together that she had assumed she could simply get back.

She has been so concerned about herself falling in love with someone else that it never occurred to her that he might do it too.

Footsteps dashed up the front steps again and a very out of breath girl tumbled in. She had dark blonde hair tied up in a messy bun with the occasional piece of hay stuck in it; her light blue dress had grass stains up and down it, not as easily hidden as they were on Edward’s shirt. She was far more than two months pregnant. Bella could hear the baby’s heartbeat, could hear it moving around and sucking on its fist. Her dress disguised the bump but she could estimate that the girl was about 7 months gone.

Edward ‘wait until marriage even though it’s 2007' Cullen got a girl pregnant before marrying her.

Masen. Edward Masen. Bella reminded herself as her world spun dangerously out of control. 

Mrs Masen sighed furiously. “Dorothy dear, what have I told you about running around? It’s dangerous in your condition!”

Dorothy laughed. “Don’t worry so much, Elizabeth! I only ran on the grass where it’s a soft landing!”

“And where there’s mole hills to trip you!” Mrs Masen called out as Dorothy made her way out to the kitchen.

Mrs Masen turned back to Bella and tutted again, shaking her head. “They say they’re adults, but I could swear they’re still children. Although saying that to you! You’re about their age, are you not?”

Bella was in a daze and had to take a moment to answer.

“I think I might be a fair bit older,” she murmured. 

“Really?” Mrs Masen smiled. “You must tell me how you look so young then! Perhaps over lunch, I’ll check with the housekeeper to see when it will be finished!”

“Actually!” Bella got up so quickly her armchair skidded backwards. “My apologies, Mrs Masen but I think I must be going. I just remembered I have a prior commitment.”

“Oh!” Mrs Masen put her cup down and stood up too. “Well alright, it was lovely to meet you dear. Oh, I’ll call Edward and Dorothy to say goodbye!”

“Oh no, there’s no need!” Bella quickly made her way to the door and grabbed her bag and hat. “It was lovely meeting you too, Mrs Masen. Thank you for your hospitality!”

“No problem dear, have a good day! I’ll see you soon!”

Bella had already left, closed the door securely behind her. She could hear Edward and his wife laughing in the kitchen. 

A glimmer of something she couldn’t place welled up inside her and she just had to look at him again. She walked around the house to the back, where she could breathe in the air coming through the open kitchen window. Their housekeeper was making lunch, a pie of some sort, the smell almost blocked out Edward’s. Bella inhaled, she had expected him to be her singer at the very least. She had expected him to be something, for there to be some evidence of the cosmic forces that pulled them together. Some part of her had expected him to be pale, strong, and golden eyed. She didn’t know what to do with the man who looked, smelled and felt like an ordinary human. 

She inched to the side so she could see in. He was washing up a cup, humming to himself. He still looked like her Edward on the outside, if she could look past the darker skin and the lighter hair and the vivid green eyes. Arms wrapped around him from behind as she contemplated. His wife giggled and suddenly pinched his sides, he jumped and nearly dropped the mug. He laughed, full bodied straight from the belly laughed. Louder and more unrestrained than Bella had ever heard him before. 

I know the others are making requests, but I don’t have any - except one. All I want is to be with you. All I have ever wanted and all I ever will want is you. 

Bella had to leave. 

She ducked away and scurried down the yard to the road. The midday sun was high in the cloudy sky so she had to keep to human pace straight down until she found a side path that would take her in the opposite direction of the Masen farm. 

She walked for hours with no specific direction, just away. She thought of nothing, forced her mind to be blank until the sun finally started to dip below the horizon and Edward invaded her thoughts again. She felt the coffee his mother had kindly poured for her sit alien in her stomach and wretched it up in a nearby bush. It tasted like acid and venom.

We are meant to be together, Bella. It’s only 30 years, and then we can be together again.

She knelt, head still in the damn bush along with her sense of pride. She had lost the will to move. One thought she had been suppressing rose to the surface; one thought that was painfully obvious but crashed down decades and lifetimes of debate and worry. She could not turn this boy.

He was just a boy. A married one, soon to be a father, but a boy nonetheless. How would it even work? Would she seduce him away from his wife and tell him to forget his child? Would she just kidnap him and hope he forgot what he was losing? 

She had always thought that Edward would have been a good father. He was a good man, after all. 

This Edward was good too. His eyes were alight with happiness and youth and life. To turn him would be to take that away, to take the soul that burned within him. She scoffed at the irony. Wasn't this something he had trouble with? Once upon a time when her heart beat and human blood burned in her cheeks? When all she knew of death came from pets and grandparents and it was never even a consideration that she might dish it out herself. The Bella who met Edward was a different girl. The Bella who left Edward was a different girl too. 

Yes, she was different. But she still needed her husband. She needed her husband and her mother and her brother and sisters. She needed the family she had been yearning for that seemed to be rapidly slipping through her fingers. She needed Alice to tell her what to do, Emmett to make her laugh, she needed Rose to slap her on the back of the head and call her an idiot. She needed her mother’s unconditional love, her Esme’s love. 

She needed Edward to love her. She needed to see him every day and hear his voice and his jokes and his piano. She needed him to hold her and make her feel like the most special girl in the world. She needed her husband, but he didn’t need her. 

This Edward was already happy.

He was never going to grow up into his future self and be mad at her for not following his last wishes. Her Edward was dead. Just like her Esme was dead. They were gone. Worse, they had never existed. Bella going back had killed them. Bella had killed them.

Her Alice, Rose and Emmett were most likely all dead too. She swallowed that thought to scream over another day. 

Were Jasper and Carlisle dead? Were they just so similar to their future selves that she didn’t notice the differences?

Be strong, you are the strongest person I know. If anyone can get through this, you can.

She sucked down the grief blooming inside her and stumbled to her feet. She turned and ran back the way she came, towards Edward’s house. It was the middle of the night at this point, although she couldn’t pinpoint the exact time. She woodenly dug her watch out of her pocket. It was 2am, there was no way she would see Edward. Maybe she could look in his room, like he used to do with her.

She reached the house and heard the deep breathing of sleeping humans through the walls. She pinpointed two humans in the same room at the top of the house and hesitated. No, she wouldn’t look in his room - because he wasn’t the only one in there. 

She clamped down on the dark feelings and made her way to the kitchen window, ajar in the sickly humidity. She silently pushed it open and reached for the necklace disappearing into her shirt. She snapped it, having no patience for the fiddly clasp and pulled its pendant out. Her engagement ring. Edward’s mother’s ring.

She would give her blessing in the only way she could.

She carefully placed the ring on the windowsill, peeking out from behind a plantpot so it might be possible that it had been there all this time. Whoever next did the dishes would notice it, they would celebrate for finding it and Edward’s wife would have the ring she was always supposed to have.

She slid the window shut and turned away without another thought. She didn’t think, as she ran miles away from the house and threw herself towards a large cluster of trees. She found a spot within them where hopefully no one would find her and lowered herself to the ground there.

I love you. I have always loved you and I will always love you. I’m so proud of you.

At least he would be happy, she told herself. Edward would have a happy life. She wrapped her arms around herself, closed her eyes, and let herself feel again.

A distantly familiar void inside of her ripped open once more.

Forever and always.

Edward.

Chapter Text

Isabella Marie Swan died on the 10th of July 2007, a tragic animal attack on a celebratory camping trip. Her fiancé and his family did not attend the funeral, claiming they were too distraught to even stay in the area. Bella Cullen woke up five days later in a house in the wilderness of Montana, her whole second family gathered worriedly around her. All of them, except Edward. 

"He'll come back,” Bella insisted. "We're soulmates, or true mates, or whatever. Now I’m a vampire he has to come back."

Alice bit her lip. "Bells, that's not how it works. There’s no such thing as-"

Jasper touched her shoulder, stopping her mid sentence. He reached out and took Bella's hand; tentatively, like he wasn't sure if he could. He squeezed, but it didn't hurt, their skin was the same temperature.

"He'll come back," he smiled but it was strained, "or I’ll drag him back."

Bella smiled, it wouldn't come to that. She didn't understand this new life yet, didn't understand herself yet, didn't understand the look Alice was giving Jasper either; but there was one thing she did understand clear as day. Some loves were forever, eternal, meant to happen. Some people were meant to be together. And that was her and Edward.

Forever.

May 1st, 1919. Jasper.

Bella was a fool if she thought he would stay away. He couldn't bear the idea of losing everything he loved while on the other side of the country - but he wasn't sure what he stood to gain. He wouldn't go close enough to interfere. He had meant what he said, he would not ruin this for her. Unfortunately, close enough to sense her was close enough to interfere. He was just standing there, miles away from the Masen property, unable to do anything as Bella reunited with her husband.

At least she would be happy. He could console himself with that. She had worked so hard and for so long to have Edward back, he wanted her to have what she wanted. He wanted her to have the world.

She had left him at midnight and he waited until dawn to follow. Bella had a lunch meeting with Mrs Masen, she would meet Edward then. Jasper stopped outside of the property and kept his eyes on his pocket watch. 12 ticked by and surely she had met him by now. He imagined them introducing themselves, sitting down to eat together. Edward would make a joke and she would laugh. He would fall in love with her the way that Jasper had, quicker than Jasper had, maybe even deeper than Jasper had. He couldn't imagine such a thing, but then again he had never truly loved another.

At 2pm they must have finished their meal, perhaps Edward would entertain them on the piano, perhaps they would take a long walk around the property and he would show her his work.

At 5pm maybe they would sit down for another meal, Bella having stayed all day. Maybe Bella had left and was sitting in her room at the inn, thinking about her once and future husband. Edward was most likely thinking about her, the goddess who had just come to meet him. The porcelain skinned, brunette beauty that no man was worthy to clap eyes upon.

Maybe they agreed to meet up again in secret, maybe Bella was going to meet him at his window like Romeo did Juliet.

She probably remembered why she married him now. She probably felt silly about how she’d gotten carried away with Jasper, how she’d fooled herself into thinking she loved him when obviously she loved Edward. Why would she want someone rough and damaged and violent, when she could have someone gentle, polished and unburdened?

Every rational part of him screamed to get out of there, staying there could only hurt. He was straining with his gift to sense a glimpse of her, of the gold for him or the blue that she always felt when she thought of Edward.

It was long past midnight when he finally sensed anything, but it wasn’t gold or blue.

A black hole opened up in the woods a few miles north of him. He couldn’t call it a colour, it wasn’t black, it was darkness. A deep void, nothingness.

It had to be her.

He ran straight in her direction, full speed; not minding that someone might see him whipping past their windows in the night. All he could think of was her, and the pulsing void that got bigger and bigger the closer he got to it.

She was half hidden in the bushes, curled up into a ball with her eyes closed, fists gripping her calves so hard her stockings were ripped and cracks had formed over her legs. Jasper gasped her name and fell to his knees, reached out to pull her into his arms and found her hard and unyielding - still as stone.

“Bella…” he said, rubbing her upper arms as if he could warm them up. “Bella, can you hear me? What happened?”

She didn’t respond. He tried to sense her, but her void swallowed his gift and left him useless. He held her close, let his breath float across her face and willed her to come back to him.

“Bella I’m here, I’m with you. You’re not alone. Talk to me, please.”

With still no response he decided to keep trying, whispering nonsensical platitudes in her ear until perhaps she might wake up. His mind drifted to what might have happened. Bella felt deeply, as deeply as anyone he had ever known. Her emotions became her and she had always struggled to control them. He could see this sadness in her, she had always had the potential. But what could bring it out?

Edward must be dead, he realised. That was the only possible reason they wouldn’t be together, that Bella had done so much to protect him but by waiting until he was 18 she had condemned him to death. She had wanted to give him an extra year of human life, a bit more time to mature.

That kindness must have killed him.

He could see that destroying her, he could imagine her reacting this way if the same thing had happened to Esme.

“I’m so sorry Bella,” he whispered in her ear. “I’m so so sorry…”

Judging by the movement of the sun, he stayed there for two days. His vampire patience held up, he could have held her forever. On the 13th hour of the second day, she finally moved.

Her fingers flexed on his chest, slowly wrapped around his shoulder and lifted herself up to hug him back. He held her tighter, exhaling deeply in relief.

“Are you okay?” he sighed.

“… I don’t know.”

That was it for another couple of hours. They held each other close, he stroked her hair until it was loose, perfectly straight and tangle free.

Eventually, familiar footsteps came in from the east. The family must have gotten concerned when Jasper never came back.

“They’re here!” Peter called out.

Jasper felt a strong hand on his shoulder, barely moving his focus away from the girl in his arms.

“Hey Bells,” Peter whispered, twirling a chunk of her hair around his finger. “Wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

She didn’t respond, more footsteps followed in from where Peter had come.

“Bella!” Esme gasped and dropped down beside them. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“Jaz?” said Carlisle, stepping into Jasper’s eyeline.

“I’m not sure,” Jasper replied. “She’s been like this for days. I think… well he must be…”

“Dead?” Peter supplied.

“What else?”

“Oh Bells I’m so sorry,” Esme whispered, stroking Bella’s cheek.

Bella finally sighed and leaned back so everyone could see her face, although her eyes stayed glued to the centre of Jasper’s chest and she didn’t move from his lap.

“He’s not dead,” she said. “He’s fine.”

“What? Then, what happened?”

“He’s married.”

Jasper frowned. “Pardon?”

“He’s married, with a baby on the way. So I left him there. He’ll have a good life without me.”

Bella looked practically soulless, the void still so strong around them Jasper wouldn’t be surprised if the others could feel it.

“So what?” Jasper gasped. “That’s no reason to give him up, the second he realises he could have you he’ll drop whatever girl he married.”

She finally glanced up to his eyes. “You would have me force him away from his wife and child?”

“You wouldn’t need to force him, believe me.”

Bella shook her head, mouth tight in a bitter smile. “Even if I were willing to do that, his heart rate didn’t even go up when he saw me. There was nothing, no connection, no sign. Nothing that was there the first time. He’s just an ordinary human, and he’s happy without me. The only reason my Edward wanted to be turned again was to be with me, why would this one ever forgive me for it?”

“I…” Jasper couldn’t fathom this. He’d been wondering what might have happened for days and never seriously considered the possibility that Edward might not want her. Who wouldn’t want her? She was so kind, and clever, and stubborn, and brave. So perfect.

He just wanted her to be happy.

“He’ll change his mind,” Jasper insisted. “You should go back, stay in the inn and let him get to know you. He’ll want to be with you once he’s had a proper conversation with you.”

Bella shook her head again. “He’s a different person,” she whispered. “I said he’s not dead but that wasn’t right. Edward Masen is alive. My Edward is dead. He’s gone and buried, and there’s nothing I can do to bring him back.”

That was the last she said for some time. Jasper ended up scooping her up and running back home with the others. 

She didn’t even look like she noticed.

Bella.

She flattered herself that she recovered more quickly than the first time she lost Edward. She couldn’t express it, none of the others knew that their future counterparts abandoned her on her 18th birthday. What good would it have done to tell them, after all?

The numbness lasted a few weeks, basically nothing in vampire time. Jasper never left her, not for a second. She hated herself for needing him, it had taken so much to prepare them both for the inevitable separation and she felt all that progress slipping away. It took until she could hold a conversation on her own before he would let himself be convinced to go hunt. Esme sat with her instead, holding her hand between hers and stroking the scar at her wrist over and over.

“I hope it isn’t still too soon to ask this,” Esme murmured. “But what’s your plan from here? Can you and Jasper be together now?”

Bella sighed, she knew it had only been a matter of time before someone brought it up.

“No,” she whispered. “My plan hasn’t changed, Edward’s just not in it anymore.”

“Oh…” Esme frowned and ducked her head. “I had thought that… I didn’t realise that you would still want to be loyal to him.”

Bella stared up at her in bewilderment, at her acceptance of something so preposterous. Why would she insist on being loyal to a husband she would now never have? Jasper must have been having the same thoughts, there was no way he wouldn’t. But there was no real way to tell him why she still spurned his advances, no good way of making him understand that soon enough it won’t be her rejecting him, it will be him rejecting her.

And she loved him too much to make that any harder for him.

Two months ticked by, she slowly found herself again. She was stronger than she had been as an 18 year old human, she knew she had been a person before Edward and she would be one after. It still hurt, a little part of her was gone and that would always sting; but she had a job to do, and it was time to do it.

Her plan was to find Alice, take her somewhere safe and explain everything to her. Then, when Alice was ready she’d take her to the Denali’s house in West Virginia for them to change her. Once she was settled and it was time for her to meet Jasper, Bella would make up some Aro related task so it could happen when she wasn’t there. Then she’d wait for the happy news she’d been expecting for 35 years to reach her, and mourn in peace.

Maybe once this was all over with she’d finally be able to move on.

She held no hopes for romance in her future, what or who could ever compare? She couldn’t imagine any man who could match, let alone be better, than the men she had already loved. Maybe it would never happen. Maybe everyone was only allowed so many great loves and she had already had her two.

It didn’t matter, this was her lot and she had to accept it. Perhaps if she had turned Edward he might have forgiven her one day, perhaps he would have forgotten enough of his human life to not miss it, perhaps if she had stayed close to him he would have fallen for her eventually… or perhaps, if she turned him she will have stolen his life, and he would never get over it. She had done the right thing, her eternal loneliness was the consequence.

She still had her family at least, even though once she saved Charlotte they would all be paired up. She might have to spend more time with the Denalis, maybe Tanya could teach her the art of hooking up with humans. An eternity alone was one thing, an eternity without sex just felt unnecessary, especially when she’d been waiting for 35 years.

There, at least she had a 5 year plan.

She got to the 8th of July before she accepted it was time to go get Alice. She couldn’t deny that it was scary, her plans had gone so wrong for both Esme and Edward - what if they went wrong again?

She hadn’t told anyone the exact timing yet, everyone had been walking on tiptoes around her and she didn’t need their loving, judgemental input on a flawed and complicated plan. If Alice was going to be as much of a disaster as Edward had been, she didn’t want eyes on her as she came to terms with it. For God’s sake, even the Denalis had popped down to check on her. She felt seen, pitied, exposed.

If she was going to suffer this time, she wanted to do it alone.

She waited until everyone had gone hunting, staying home and insisting they go without her. She threw some things into a suitcase, glad that her 1919 wardrobe included less layers than decades past so she could pile more in. She gathered some photographs from the safebox, plus future Alice’s letter to herself; which was chunkier than all the others and in a larger envelope. Bella was curious, but still didn’t open it. She put them all in her bag, plus a huge wad of cash just in case she needed it.

She was just putting the final things in her case when footsteps came up the back steps, the others were home early.

She sighed, it was one thing to slip out while they were all gone and another thing to lie directly to their faces. She recognised Jasper’s boots coming up the stairs and cringed as he ducked his head around her bedroom door.

He frowned. “You’re packing?”

“Yeah,” she murmured, keeping her eyes on the case.

“Where are you going?”

She cringed and shut her suitcase with a resolute click. “I’m going to get Alice. Her father will put her in the asylum on July 10th and I’m going to intercept the transport before it gets there.”

“Okay,” he turned back to the hallway, “I’ll go pack.”

“No, Jaz. I’m going on my own.”

“What?” he exclaimed. “Bells don’t be stupid. Think of what happened with Edward, and how hard finding Esme was on you. There’s no reason to go through it alone.”

That was exactly why she wanted to go on her own, but knowing him she didn’t think he’d accept it. Even if she did allow someone to come with her, it couldn’t be him. He couldn’t be there when Alice woke up because then she would have to watch as they met and fell in love, she didn’t think she could handle that.

Esme poked her head around Jasper. “What if I go with you? I’ve not had a chance to do any time travel manipulation yet, it’ll be fun!”

Bella sighed, this was the best offer she was going to get.

“Okay Esme, you can come with me.”

Jasper looked like he was going to argue, but she cut him off.

“We need to leave soon though.”

Esme smiled brightly, “I’ll pack a bag now!”

An hour later, they set off in the direction of Mississippi, the whole family confusedly waving them off.

Bella didn’t know what she would face, she had to have faith that this would all be worth it, that Alice was meant to be.

She had no idea that it would only be a few days until she would hear the words that after all this she never dared hope for.

"Look, it's my swan! My beautiful swan!"

Chapter Text

Bella,

You’re incredible, you know that? We are all freaking out and you are so calm. I can’t see anything right now, which is hell to be honest with you. But I don’t need to see the future to know what’s going to happen and I can tell you with absolute 100% certainty that Edward nearly jumped on Aro and Carlisle had to stop him, that Rose is going to ask you to keep her human, and that Jasper is going to write approximately 15 pages of instructions for you (with diagrams). 

I wish I could see your future, in our pasts. I wish I knew what you would be facing, other than the obvious. I wish I knew what parts of the past you would struggle with, so I could prepare you for them. I really really wish I could come with you. If I could I would without a second thought. I would probably have to fight Edward and Jasper for the privilege though. Do you think I’d win that fight? I think they would get so distracted with each other that I could slip on through.  

But that’s all hypotheticals and wishes, let’s focus on what I do know. You.

July 11th, 1919. Bella.

The Sackville Sanatorium was a tall box of a building. It may have once been redbrick but it had faded to grey, everything about the place was grey. Bella hadn’t expected to have to come here; Alice was supposed to be institutionalised on July 10th 1919 but when Bella got there she had already been there for months. Her plan had been to leave it long enough for Alice to experience as much of her natural life as possible and then steal her away on the way to the sanatorium, before the trauma could happen. Alas it was not to be. 

When she and Esme had turned up in Biloxi on the 9th, they found a smarmy father; who shamelessly stared at their chests and pretended to mourn as soon as Alice’s name was mentioned. She was supposed to still be there at that point, but she was nowhere to be seen. A stormy glare and a few well placed threats had the man confessing that Alice had been babbling about birds and angels her entire life. Once her mother ‘sadly passed’, she just about lost the plot almost immediately and it was really in her best interest to send her away for treatment.

He nodded as he spoke, convinced of his own words. 

Bella had to break his wrist for him to tell her where his daughter was. It was absolutely necessary. Any joy derived from it was purely coincidental. 

It helped to blame him for Alice going into the sanatorium months earlier than she should have done. It stopped Bella obsessing quite so much on how her own existence in this time must have changed something that made Alice have visions more rapidly.

I know you, you can twist anything around to give yourself something to stress over, so I will make my instructions very very clear. I have to be put in the sanatorium, my mother has to die, do not try to save her. Is that clear enough for you? I’ll be very angry if you find a way to blame yourself for my mother’s death. If she never dies my father will never remarry, he will have a son with his second wife who will be a very good man, a doctor actually. I want him to exist, okay? Good, glad we got that out of the way. 

It’s very tricky to judge what will or will not change the future, isn’t it? Now you know how I feel!

And so they made their way to Sackville, on foot as if the days they could save would make much difference in the long run. It was a dreary town, overcast by the shadow of a brick box on the hill, filled with tortured souls who deserved so much better. 

It wasn’t just the fact that Alice was here that bothered Bella. It’s that is was this sanatorium.  It was a different institution than the one Alice was sent to originally, only about a mile away but different enough that Bella had no way of knowing what was going to happen. Originally there had been a kind vampire orderly that kept Alice safe, in this new timeline he and Alice would never meet. 

They walked up the courtyard to the imposing gun metal door. Bella halted to a stop, unable to move forward. Her sister was in there, her sister that she had already failed. If she hadn’t been so preoccupied over Edward, if she had gone and checked on Alice more then maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Alice would be home already, somewhere warm where she was loved. Not here, in this sick house of horrors so rank with stale blood and bleach that it made her sick just being near it. 

Esme tensed up and held her breath, still a little too new to this to find any scent of blood unappealing. Bella trusted her though, she had no doubt that when she saw the suffering of all these poor people their blood would be the last thing on her mind. Esme had never indulged, not like Bella and the boys had. She had never experienced that freedom and had to give it up. 

Esme took her hand and squeezed it, a silent gesture. There was nothing to be gained by not moving forward. Bella squeezed back and let go. She swung open the heavy door, ignoring the pointed knocker, and strode into the dim reception room. 

It was tiny, crowded and cluttered, yet empty. Stark wooden benches lined the walls, fingernail marks scratched the edges where nervous inmates had clawed at them. The walls were off white, with dark smudges at hand height. To one side there was a step and then a thick metal door, heavy locks lined the edge. A woman sat behind a desk at the far side, her eyes barely raised from her novel to look at them, then dipped back down.

“Can I help you?” she grunted, still not looking. 

“I’m looking for Mary Alice Brandon.” Bella replied. “Her father told me she was here.”

The woman grunted again and rummaged through the piles of paper on her desk until she found a dusty file. She slapped it on the desk, and opened it, skimmed through the first page and then gave Bella a withering look as she licked a finger and turned a page - as if it were her fault she had to go through the effort. 

“Brandon, room 108,” she mumbled, then rolled her eyes and let out a groan. “Dr Madeley?” she yelled. “There’s a visitor here!”

There was a shuffle, a door to the side of the room swung open and a cloud of smoke seeped out. A slimy, sickly looking man poked his head out, eyes widening as he took in the two women stood in his lobby. 

“Yes, thank you Carol.” He smiled, one side of his uneven moustache twitching. “How can I help you ladies?”

“We’re here to see Mary Alice Brandon,” said Bella. “I’m her sister.”

The doctor looked her up and down, his breath catching lightly like he was trying to think of what to say. She and Alice looked nothing alike, Bella remembered, especially when one was a vampire and the other wasn’t.

“Half sister,” she amended with an enchanting smile. “Different mothers.”

He seemed to accept that. In this still heavily misogynistic world, she would have more pull if she came from the father’s side of the family. 

“Well, visiting hours are almost over but I’m sure there’s time for you to say hello. Let me just find the room number.”

“Brandon, room 108.” Carol interrupted. 

“Yes, thank you Carol.” He said, and turned to the metal door. He extracted a ring of keys from his belt and set about opening it. It took an annoyingly long time, but finally the door slowly creaked open and Bella could relax the urge to rip it off its hinges. 

“This way!” he called, and started up a set of steep stone steps. 

Bella and Esme followed him up a floor and found themselves in a white tiled corridor. *Nurses were scurrying about, rummaging in carts and not speaking a word. The only sound Bella could focus on was the crying, oh so much crying. It flooded her mind, screams and cries as peoples’ dignities were stripped from them, scratches of nails on skin and thuds of heads on walls, speaking and muttering in ways that couldn’t hope to bring comfort. 

Bella had never believed in hell before. She did then. She was there. 

**Dr Madeley led them through the corridor, past countless soulless doors, up another staircase, then another. Finally he stopped at another plain door, its only distinguishing feature was the number 108 embossed above a covered window slot and the name ‘Brandon’ scrawled on a blackboard below it. The doctor rummaged through the ring to find a skeleton key and unlocked the door with a thud.

There were almost no sounds beyond it, just a quiet gentle breathing that came into focus as Bella entered.

The room wasn’t empty, on the grey stone walls there were hundreds of scribbled chalk drawings. Scribbled eyes watched over them as they walked in. There were angels everywhere, clumsy, but recognisable. There was a flower, and a bear, a string of pearls, and a dozen birds.

Bella’s eyes skimmed over the drawings to the threadbare bed in the middle of the room, and the tiny girl sat upon it. She had matted black hair down to her waist, wore thin starched pyjamas, discoloured from too many washes, her eyes were too large in her too gaunt pale face. Her smile was too bright for a place like this. 

“Look,” she breathed. “It’s my swan! My beautiful swan! I knew you’d come for me.”

Bella swallowed a sob. Alice knew her. Alice had seen her. She already had her sister, she was already there. She darted over to her a little too quickly and took her bony hands to kiss them. She stroked her dirty hair away from her cheeks and tried to ignore how similar their body temperatures already were. 

“You know me?” she asked. “You’ve seen me?”

“I’ve seen you, and I’ve felt you,” said Alice. “You’re the sister no-one else could see. I told them you were there but they never believed me! I knew you were real!”

Bella exhaled a shaky breathe, so her fears that her presence had landed Alice here early were true. That wave of pain barely touched the surface of the elation of having her sister’s hands in hers. 

“I’m so sorry it took me so long to get you. We’re getting you out of here. Pack your things.”

“Um, actually,” Dr Madeley said, having followed in behind her. “I’m afraid only family can discharge her and we have heard nothing from the father.”

A growl rumbled from Bella’s throat. “She’s my sister.”

“Nevertheless…”

“Wait,” Alice grasped Bella’s arm as she turned to put the doctor in his place. “Don’t take me yet.”

“What?” Bella frowned, rage left behind. “Why?”

“You’re not ready.”

“Ready for what?”

“To trust yourself again.” Alice smiled, serene as if all this made sense. “You need a minute, I think. To realise that everything’s not so bad. If you take me now you’ll blame yourself for everything that ever happens to me ever again and I can’t have that. Stay, but give yourself a couple of weeks.”

“Alice, I can’t…”

Alice squeezed her hand. “It will be alright, I swear.”

After promises of visiting tomorrow were given, hugs were traded and cheeks were kissed, Bella followed the doctor back out to the hallway, where Esme was waiting - not having been able to fit in the tiny room. 

“I’m sure you understand our policy,” the doctor started to ramble. “After all, we can’t just let anyone discharge the patients, it would be awfully irresponsible of us and…”

Bella ignored him. She rummaged through her satchel and found the stack of cash she’d stashed there. She picked out most of it and thrust it into the man’s hands in fistfuls. His eyes bugged out at the dozens of hundred dollar bills. Enough to buy a nice house wherever he would have run to hide from her. 

“Listen to me carefully,” she hissed. “That is my sister in there. She is to be treated with respect. There will be no shock therapy, no water therapy, no so called ‘treatments’ of any kind, and you will not cut her hair. If I hear that any of these things have taken place, I will have this place shut down and you thrown in prison. Do you understand me?”

“Well, I…” 

“Do you understand me, or do I need to repeat myself?” She crowded his space, towering over his cowering frame. 

“I understand!” he yelped. “I understand! No therapies, treated with respect! I’ll make sure of it!”

“Good.” She stepped back. “Make sure everyone knows.”

She walked out, Esme by her side. The doctor started counting his money behind her.

As you know, I don’t remember anything about my first life. It’s strange to imagine a version of myself who does. Would she be any different? To be honest I doubt it, don’t worry yourself too much. From what I do know, there wasn’t much worth remembering. 

The unfortunate thing about my not knowing my own past is that there’s very little I can tell you to help. You know everything I know!

Bella threw a glass vase at the hotel room wall and it exploded into a million pieces.

“God fucking damn it!” she screamed, Esme winced. “How do these places exist? What kind of person is evil enough to let places like this exist?!”

Esme sighed. “Bella, sweetheart…”

“I’m shutting it down,” Bella ranted, “I’m getting all the patients out and burning that hellhole to the ground. I’ll lock that damn doctor in a closet at the very top first so he dies the slowest.”

“Bella!” Esme zipped up to look directly into her eyes, flexing that ‘you need to calm down’ look she’d been practicing. “If the Sackville Sanitorium shuts down, the patients would just be sent to similar places - maybe even worse ones. I know you’re angry. You have every right to be. But this isn’t the answer.”

Bella took several calming breaths. “In my time all these ‘treatments’ are illegal. We didn’t torture people into being ‘normal’, we gave them medication and therapy and a goddamn safe place to recover! I can’t believe we have to wait another 50 years for people to get treated like humans! Y’know what? I don’t care if it messes up history, I’m opening some fucking hospitals.”

Esme smiled. “I think that’s a brilliant idea, one that your sister can help you with once all this is over.”

Yes, Bella thought, once all this is over.

Everyone is so worried, quite rightly considering how much we love you. Right now I’m listening to Jasper pacing in his office, he’s already crumpled up three sheets of paper and started again. Whatever he sends you off with is going to be insanely long and detailed, I might have to write a summary if he lets me read it. 

It’s hard to know what to say. These are kind of like our last words, aren’t they?

They knocked on the Sanitorium door the second Esme’s watch clicked over to visiting hours. The receptionist actually looked slightly shaken this time, when the sunlight filtering through the dirty windows illuminated them as being other and Bella demanded to see her sister.

“Alice Brandon, room 108.”

They both fit in the room this time, with the doctor pushed into the corridor and the door shut behind them. Alice was sat in her bed again, rocking to comfort herself until they walked in the room. She beamed.

“Alice,” Bella said. “I’d like you to meet someone, this is Esme.”

Alice gasped. “Our tree climber!”

Esme grinned. “Tree climber?”

“Yes! We were waiting for you to fall out of the tree for years and years! The third branch broke!”

Esme looked back at Bella in amazement. Bella smiled.

“The day you met Carlisle, we planned it years in advance. You saw all that, Alice?”

“I’ve been seeing you all my life, only in little pieces. One day I want to see everything.”

“One day you will.”

You know how my visions work, I’ve trained my gift enough over the years to just about master it - but there’s another aspect that usually gets forgotten, since it's less useful. I sometimes just get feelings, call it perception - Jaz says Peter gets something similar. 

Ever since the late 80’s, I had this feeling that I was missing something, like there was something out there waiting for me. That feeling went away the day I met you.

A few days later I had my first vision of us together, and from then on I knew that we were meant to be in each other's lives. Some people are just meant to be, Bells. We’re meant to be. 

“Ladies,” the smarmy doctor said as visiting hours ended and they were ejected from Alice’s room. “I would ask you not to encourage Miss Brandon’s delusions. You will make her condition worse, especially if you are not allowing her to have any treatment.”

“I think you will find that I can talk to my sister any way I wish and that trying to stop me would end very badly for you.” Bella hissed.

Dr Madeley inhaled sharply and took a hasty step back. His hands clenched into fists. A hangnail on his right hand that Bella was vaguely aware of (as she was vaguely aware of almost everything around her) dug into his palm and ripped the skin. A bead of blood escaped, just a bead.

When Bella was focused, her bloodlust was quickly tamed. Memories of crunching bones and fearful faces pulled her back from instincts she had long been suppressing. She was there for her sister, only her sister. 

Esme had had no such experiences.

Bella felt the energy vibrating off her as she tried to keep it in, an incredible feat for one so young. She took a step forward towards the trembling man, but Bella grabbed her arm just in time. They moved too fast to look normal, but it would have to do. 

“Hold your breath.” Bella whispered, too quiet for the man to hear. “Look at me or the floor, not him. We’ll hunt when we get out. Okay?”

Esme nodded, Bella took her by the hand and led her out of there, leaving the lucky doctor scrambling in their wake. 

Everyone is so focused on the possibility you might fail, they’re worried that you’ll blame yourself if you can’t make everything perfect. I know you’ll blame yourself no matter what we or anyone else says. I choose to focus on another possibility - what if you succeed?

Esme didn’t come the next day, choosing instead to get rid of her excess energy in the wilderness to be more controlled tomorrow. The doctor met Bella in the reception.

“Excuse me, I don’t actually have your name.”

Bella looked him up and down, as intimidating as she could get.

“Isabelle Brandon.” She lied. 

“Okay, Miss Brandon. I’m afraid to say that we have detected a lice outbreak here and our policy is to shave everyone’s heads to stop it spreading.”

“What did I tell you two days ago?” Bella hissed, the man flinched away from her. “No one will shave her hair. No one.”

“I understand, Miss Brandon. But you have to understand that the health of my patients must be my first priority-”

“If you truly cared then you would help them bathe.” Bella growled. “Have you shaved her head yet?”

“No, that’s our agenda for today.”

“Right. Cancel it. When I come in tomorrow, I will bring a comb and do your job for you. You will not touch a hair on her head. Do you understand me?”

She was inches away from his face and knew full well that her eyes had turned black and her lip was curling away from her canines. The man wet himself. 

“Yes, ma’am.”

You won’t manage to do everything perfectly, I believe in you but you’re not a god. But what if you manage it? What if you break Jasper and Peter out of a goddamn war camp? What if you save Esme from an awful marriage? What if you protect Edward and his parents from the influenza, rescue me from the asylum, save Charlotte, stop Rosalie being attacked and give Emmett exactly what he’s always wanted? 

Is it really so impossible?

“I’m surprised they let you draw on the walls.” Bella said, softly tracing a swan’s long neck.

“Oh they don’t,” Alice smiled slyly, “I’m just very good at hiding the chalk.”

Bella laughed. “Soon enough you will have all the paper and pencils you could ever dream of, I promise.”

“I believe you,” she grinned. “You know your plan tomorrow is going to take a very long time, even though you’re angels.”

Bella gave her a look, exactly how much did she know?

“We’re no angels, Alice.”

The girl shrugged. “I don’t know exactly what you are, but I have always known you were my avenging angel. My loving sister ready to bring me home to my family. I’ve seen them all, or at least I think I have.”

Bella slumped down on the rickety bed close to her. “When you see us, what’s it like?”

Alice bit her lip in thought. “It’s like ghosts. I turn around and see you dancing, or having conversations, or just sitting reading. Once I looked over your shoulder and you were looking at a picture of me. I looked at a tree and saw Esme falling out of it. It took a while for me to realise other people don’t see everything I do.”

“Who have you seen? Just me and Esme?”

“No,” she said. “I’ve seen your three boys, with their matching blonde hair, and three blonde women, all of them as pale and beautiful as you. I’ve seen a bear, and a black haired boy trying to fight it. I’ve seen Esme in her wedding dress, teaching children, turning from human to angel…”

“Why do you think we’re angels exactly?” Bella murmured. 

Alice shrugged. “I know you’re fast and strong and beautiful and never age. That’s an angel, right?”

Bella chucked. “I wish.”

I remember when you had only been turned for a little while and we started exposing you to humans. It was after that incident with the hiker and you were terrified it would happen again, but on that very first outing a kid skinned his knee and you held your breath long enough for Jaz to pull you away. You did exactly what you thought was impossible.

I believe in you, Bella. You’re capable of so much more than you think.

The next day, Bella and Esme came armed with combs, basins and clean cloths. Bella glared at one of the nurses until she was given a burner to warm the water with and set up washing Alice’s thick matted hair and combing it out. Esme left to convince the nurses to let her do the same for the rest of the ward. Her eyes were bright butterscotch with blood and she was convinced that she would have no problems with her control so long as she didn’t get angry. Bella kept her ears and Alice’s door open, just in case. 

Bella took a soft cloth and gently cleaned Alice’s smudged face, then saturated her hair in water and soap. She separated the tangles with her fingers, starting at the ends and working her way up to the top. Then she started combing, with her enhanced vision and speed she made quick work of every insect on her head, but she still took her time. Alice would feel no pain, ever again if she could help it. 

Aside from the pain of the turn, but Bella would deal with that later.

The Alice of the future would have been overjoyed with the hair she had been born with. Once properly combed it came all the way past her waist and was a deep rich black. Beautiful. 

It was soothing, Alice almost fell asleep under her hands. The rest of the ward seemed to find it soothing too, once Esme got her way. The poor people finally fell quiet, once subjected to gentle words and soft fingers. 

Bella laughed. “I can almost relax here when it’s like this.”

“But you can’t relax,” Alice murmured. “You can’t ever relax.”

“What do you mean?”

“You can’t relax, Bella. You can’t let your guard down. He’s waiting for you.”

“What?” Bella gasped. Alice was still half asleep, murmuring to herself with her eyes closed. “Who’s waiting for me?”

“I don’t know his name…” she whispered. 

Bella did, or at least she had a very dreadful feeling. She swallowed down the horror welling up in her throat and focused on her task. There was no use worrying about the inevitable, she thought as she itched the back of her neck. 

I think Jasper finally got into the zone for his letter, it doesn’t sound like he’s broken any more pens. You know those fancy fountain pens he likes, refillable ones that explode everywhere if you snap them. I had a moment just now, when I was thinking about how hard it’s going to be to clean up - but that doesn’t matter, does it? When you disappear, we will too.

The sun shone too brightly on the 5th day. Esme noticed the clouds parting as they played cards in Alice’s room. 

“Bells, we have to go.” She tugged on her sleeve. “We don’t want to get stuck here.”

“But…”

“Oh go on,” Alice laughed. “You’ll see me tomorrow. I can’t wait until I shine in the sun too.”

I kind of hope we do, I can’t imagine the fallout if we don’t. I don’t want to imagine it, I can’t shake the image of Jasper sobbing. I’ve only seen him do it once before, plus a few times in visions I managed to stop. He’ll sob, if you just fade away and then nothing else happens. He’ll fall to the floor and forget everything else and I can’t stop seeing it. 

Everyone else would be devastated too, of course - but Jasper’s one of those people it kills you to watch break down.

“No visitors on Sundays.”

“Excuse me?” Bella glared up at the soon to be deceased doctor blocking the door. “I will see my sister and you can’t stop me.”

He resolutely shook his head. “I’m sorry ma’am, but if you want to maintain your visits during the week you must obey our rules.”

Bella moved to push the man aside, but Esme grabbed her arm. 

“Leave it, Bella. We’ll come back tomorrow.”

Bella growled but acquiesced, not interested in a fight that day. As they turned to walk back down the drive they heard a window squeak open and turned to see Alice peeking out of it. They checked side to side to make sure no one was watching them and ran close enough that Alice might be able to hear them.

“I told you you’d see me today!” Alice smiled. “The windows only open an inch though.”

“At least it’s something!” Esme called. “We will see you properly tomorrow!”

Alice turned as someone told her to come away from the window. Bella looked around, they were in a part of the grounds tucked away from the courtyard, out of view from the road. It was mostly overgrown, but there was a definite area that had been trodden flat under the bedroom windows, including Alice’s. 

Bella’s senses prickled, something was wrong. She crept further to the back of the building, where the flat area continued as only a faint trail in the ground. Someone had been walking this way, often. 

She turned a corner into the woods and found a new scent to greet her. It was a pair of old boots abandoned near a bush. The laces were torn and soles worn right through, the kind of damage you only saw on shoes owned by vampires. She came closer and inhaled deeply. The scent was of another vampire, of that she was certain, but she wasn’t sure if she recognised it or not. It smelled like something familiar, she couldn’t put her finger on it. The sire of someone she knew, perhaps?

“Bella?” Esme called behind her.

“Can you smell that?” Bella asked, nodding at the boots.

“I’m trying not to breathe too deeply.”

“Inhale. It’s okay, there’s no blood.”

Esme let some more air in and started to growl lowly. She zipped to Bella’s side, inspecting the boots like they were a live bomb.

“Do you know them?” she whispered.

“I don’t know.”

A gust of wind hit them, bringing the scent even further their way. It blew Bella’s hair into her face and she raised her left hand to brush it aside.

Her answer came on her left wrist. 

A bite mark. Her own scent mixed with that of a man long since dead, ripped apart by Jasper himself. But that was a different time, a different reality. 

James was alive, and he was here. 

“We need to get Alice out of here.” Bella gasped. 

“Why?” Esme growled. “Are they after her? How do you know?”

“Do you know what a singer is?” Bella asked, Esme shook her head.

“It’s a human whose blood calls to you more than anyone else’s,” Bella explained. “It’s indescribable, you can go hundreds of years without ever finding one. I’ve never met one of my own, but Peter has. He said it was impossible to resist killing him, he was fang deep before the thought had even crossed his mind. I was Edward’s…” She laughed bitterly. “He almost slaughtered a whole classroom full of teenagers just to get to me. The fact that he resisted for so long is just… impressive.”

“Okay…” Esme murmured. “So-”

“This vampire is a killing machine and Alice is his singer,” Bella said. “He was the reason she was turned the first time.”

“But isn’t she in a different asylum than the one she was in the first time?”

“It’s only a mile away, he probably ran past just the same and caught her scent. Then he got hooked.”

“So he won't leave her alone until he’s got her.”

“He likes to play with his prey. That’s probably the only reason she’s still alive.” Bella sighed and raised her left hand to Esme’s nose. Esme inhaled at her wrist and her nostrils flared. “He attacked and bit me when I was still human, it was like a game to him - to kill me while you all were trying to stop him. We’re still a few months away from when she was turned the first time, he must have been playing with her for all that time.”

“You told me about him,” Esme said. “Wasn’t it his mate that caused you to be turned in the end?”

Bella touched the jagged scar on the side of her neck, Esme’s eyes followed her fingers. “There was more of Carlisle’s venom in me than hers in the end, thank God. I’m not looking forward to facing her again.”

“But you will.”

Bella nodded. “I have to. To keep my family safe, I can’t kill James without killing Victoria.”

“We need to attack them?”

“Not yet.” Bella swallowed the nervous venom welling in her throat. “We have to hide Alice first, and get some backup. I have a feeling they’ll come to us.”

“When do we take her?”

Bella glanced at the sky. “What I wouldn’t give for a weather forecast. You’ve been reading about meteorology. Do you think it will be sunny tomorrow?”

“I think it’s likely.”

“Okay…” Bella bit her lip. “Here’s the plan. I need you to go back to the hotel and call the Denali’s, tell them to meet us in their West Virginia house. Then take all the money we have with us and go buy a car, one with a roof; as quickly as you can. We can take her tomorrow morning and drive her away during the day, it will be too bright for them to follow us on foot. By the time night falls we will have enough of a headstart to be able to run and find the others before they catch up. Can you do that?”

Esme nodded. “What will you do?”

“I’ll stay here and keep watch.” Bella glanced at Alice’s empty window. “No one’s touching her.”

Esme.

It was relatively fast for Esme to call the Denalis and buy a motorcar. What took all night was driving it back to Biloxi. She could jog faster than this machine could move. Still, she marvelled at the technology and felt rather smug for her clever decision to carry extra canisters of gas.  

She arrived outside the hotel she and Bella had been staying in, parked and took a quick detour to hunt. She didn’t really need to, but she couldn’t risk Alice bleeding and causing her to do something she would regret. Besides, what Bella had told her about singers had distressed her. That there existed people who could make her lose all her carefully attained control within a second, that someone as content and in control of himself as Peter could kill before he’d had a chance to try to resist scared her greatly. She would have to talk to Carlisle about it, she decided. He would have some insight, hopefully some comforting insight. 

She took down a couple of white tailed deer, feeling mildly guilty as she watched the life leave their eyes; then she returned to the hotel to change and check out, then drove to the Sanitorium at about 7am. 

She scented the air and followed Bella’s trail, it was faint like she’d tried to cover it up. Esme was impressed, she wouldn’t have noticed it if she hadn’t known to look. The girl was up a tree, surveying the land. Esme was reminded of old stories of Bella and the boys trapped in a war camp, when she spent most of her time holed up in a tall tree to hide from Jasper and Maria.

“Good work.” Bella nodded towards the motorcar. “James showed up at around midnight, stalked around a bit and ran west.”

“He was here? Are you okay?”

Bella scoffed. “Please. I hid. I’m no match for him on my own, I’m not taking him on unless I have to.”

“Was it strange to see him again?”

Bella paused. “Kinda.”

They fell silent until the wake up bell sounded from within the sanatorium. 

“Reception opens in 30 minutes.”

“So we wait…”

They entered the building the second the clock clicked over to 8am, not bothering to knock. Bella thumped her hand on the front desk and startled the half asleep receptionist.

“I’m withdrawing my sister from your institution.”

“I… but…” The receptionist stammered.

Bella rolled her eyes and rummaged through her bag, pulling out a huge handful of cash and slamming it on the desk. 

“This will cover her fees for the rest of the year. I’m taking her. Now.” 

The disgusting wreck of a doctor peaked his head around the staffroom door, bringing a puff of smoke out after him.

“See now, Miss Brandon. I’ve told you before that only the father can-”

“She’s paid for the rest of the year's fees.” The receptionist whispered, interrupting him. 

The man’s eyes drifted to the pile of cash and stayed there, going wide with greed.

“You can tell father she died,” Bella said. “I don’t care, I won’t correct it. One less mouth for you to feed, one more empty room you can fill, and you get paid anyway. Sounds like a win win situation.”

“But…” The doctor wobbled. “The Hippocratic Oath…”

“I think we both know you don’t care about the Hippocratic Oath.” Bella responded, her voice smooth like silk - vampire thrall thick in her eyes. 

Esme marvelled at it. While it hadn’t worked on her as a human, it was incredible to watch as the man became enraptured under Bella’s intense gaze. 

“My sister has very sadly passed away,” Bella murmured. “What papers do I have to sign?”

“Carol,” the man breathed. “Get the papers.”

Alice had very little to bring with her, no real belongings of her own except the clothes she had entered the sanatorium in. Esme carefully helped her to put them on while Bella abused the doctor outside, taking the opportunity to tell him exactly what she thought of his “methods”. They had truly offended her, even though she must surely be aware that they were common practice. 

The sweet lace dress she was buttoning Alice into swamped her tiny frame. The pale pink clashed with her sallow skin and the belt at the waist didn’t go tight enough to hold it there. Esme plucked a pin from her hair and easily pushed it through the belt to make a new hole.

“So strong…” Alice murmured. “Will I be that strong too?”

“One day.” Esme gently buckled the belt, still loose enough to be comfortable.

“I hope it’s soon,” Alice said, “I’m tired of being weak.”

Esme hummed and brushed Alice’s hair back. “Can you see yourself when you’re strong?”

“Sometimes I don’t know what I can see.”

Esme understood her future self’s words even more than ever. She was only a few years older than this girl, yet she couldn’t shake the overwhelming maternal affection welling up inside of her. Alice was damaged, and she would put her back together.

“You will,” she assured her, “everything is going to be okay.”

Alice smiled and took her hand to squeeze it. “I trust you.”

“Are you ready?” Bella poked her head around the door.

Alice nodded and let herself be hurried out the building. The heavy front door slammed closed behind her, and she lifted her head to the weak early morning sun with a gentle smile. Esme’s heart swelled, this sweet girl would spend every day in the sunshine for the rest of her life.

Bella guided Alice towards the motorcar, helped her into the backseat and shut the door behind her. “Can you drive?” she asked Esme.

“Me?” Esme frowned as Bella got into the passenger side and slid herself into the driving seat. “But you’ve been driving so much longer than I have.”

“Yeah, but I keep breaking these cars…” Bella muttered. “Muscle memory and all that, the last cars I drove could go over 150mph and these can barely do 30.”

“Ah.” Esme exhaled and turned over the ignition. “It’s just that this is so important and I don’t want to mess it up.”

“You won’t,” Alice piped up from the back seat, Esme sighed and set the car into motion, driving away from the sanatorium and towards the road.

Bella smiled and rummaged through her satchel that Esme had stashed under her seat. 

“Here,” she produced a sketchbook and case of pencils and passed them to Alice. “We’re going to be driving for a long time, let me know if you get hungry or need the bathroom - okay?”

“Thank you!” Alice replied. “Do… do you have any photographs? The ones from your old life? Can I see them?”

Bella hesitated and stared into space for a moment, then reached underneath her and pulled the whole bag out to pass to the back seat. 

“Knock yourself out, look at whatever you want.”

“... Even this envelope with my name on it?”

“Sure, it’s got your name on it.”

“You haven’t opened it.”

“Of course not,” Bella’s lip quirked up and she started to gaze out the window. “It’s not for me, it’s for you.”

Esme glanced in the rearview mirror and watched Alice carefully open the large fragile envelope, most of the glue holding the flap down was gone anyway. She took out a folded piece of paper, then frowned and took out a second, smaller envelope. She took one look at the front, snorted quietly and tucked it back in. Esme couldn’t see what it said, or what the letter Alice was so eagerly consuming said, but she could only assume it was as enlightening as her own had been. She glanced at Bella, who to the untrained eye appeared relaxed, but her eyes were sharp as daggers, looking for dangers. 

Esme tightened her grip on the steering wheel and headed north.

Why am I talking about such sad things, though? This letter is supposed to be uplifting, I’ll do better!

I’m excited that we’ll be together in the 20s! We can go out partying in our flapper dresses and live out the Great Gatsby, it was definitely my era fashion wise.

Bella.

It was frustrating to move so little distance in so much time, but they made relatively good progress during the daylight hours. As the sun started to set, Bella let out a great sigh and whispered too low for Alice to hear.

“James will probably check on the sanatorium in a few hours.”

“Do you think he’ll notice she’s gone?” Esme replied at the same volume.

“Instantly…” She checked over her shoulder at Alice scribbling away on her sketch pad. “He’s an incredible tracker, he’ll set off tonight and know exactly what direction to go in. He’ll most likely be on our tail until she’s turned and her scent changes.”

“When do you want to turn her then?”

“Well it’s up to her…” Bella bit her lip. “I don’t want her turning so close to leaving that place, when the trauma is still so fresh in her mind. In my future, everything she went through there caused her to lose all her memories.”

“You don’t know that it will happen that way this time,” Esme replied, “she has you now.”

“Us. She has us…” She glanced at the backseat and switched to a human volume. “The car portion of our journey is ending soon, Alice. Once it’s dark we’re going to abandon the car and I’ll carry you to safety. It’s quicker than driving. You gonna be okay?”

“You should turn me now.”

Bella’s eyes widened and she fully turned to look back at her sister. “What?”

“The blonde man is going to come after us,” Alice said, “I want to help.”

Bella shook her head. “You don’t need to turn just because he’s after us, Alice. We’re headed towards friends who can help. You can wait.”

“But I don’t want to wait! I don’t want to be like this! I’m cold and I’m tired and my head always hurts. I want to be like you! You’re beautiful and you shine and you’re strong. I want to be an angel like you!”

“I’ve told you Alice, I’m no angel.”

“Yes you are! You’ve always been my angel! I’ve seen you everywhere for as long as I can remember!” Alice’s voice hitched. “I don’t care what it makes me, I just want to be with you.”

Bella swallowed, her voice came out strangled. “You don’t have to become anything to be with me. I would rather you not have to turn in the back of a car while we run for our lives. Besides, the car is too slow. He’ll catch up.”

“Won’t biting her change her scent?” Esme interjected. “You said James can track her until she turns, won't you biting her stop him?”

“Kind of, but he’ll still be able to track us.”

“So we lay a fake trail.” Esme said. “I’ll pull over and you bite her. I’ll take some of her clothes and a few strands of her hair and make it look like we carried her elsewhere. You drive away and meet up with me later, to him it would smell like it was just you in the car.” Esme glanced at Bella who was staring unblinkingly back at her. “Would that work?”

Bella was silent for a moment, then let out a despondent laugh.

“What?”

“It’s just…” She shook her head. “When he came after me when I was a human we had essentially the same plan. I ended up turning in a car too…”

“On a separate occasion,” Esme clarified. “It did work, didn’t it?”

Bella shook her head. “For a little while, but he worked it out.”

“A little while is all we need.”

Bella sighed and turned back to her sister behind her. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

Alice nodded resolutely. “Absolutely positive.”

“Okay then…” Bella nodded to the road ahead. “There’s a layby over there, let’s get this over with.”

The 60s will be fun too. Imagine it, Bells! You, me and Jaz can live through the most fun periods of history, experiencing everything together. We’re going to have an amazing life; together, just the way we’re supposed to be. 

There was a pack of wolves a few miles away from the road where they stopped and Bella took down four before racing back to the others where they stood beside the car, waiting for her. 

She had always known Alice would end up turning because she knew Alice; but she had always assumed it would be someone else that did it. Not her. Memories of the only other human she had ever turned flashed through her mind. Terrified green eyes turned red and angry, a woman doomed to carry her scent forever - even though she most likely died decades ago, being a newborn in the Southern Wars. 

I love you, and I believe in you. I can’t wait to spend my second life with you.

Esme held Alice’s lace collar and her petticoat, plus a few strands of hair that Alice had plucked out of her own head. Alice was swamped in Bella’s thick coat to protect her from the chilly night air. It would disguise her scent too.

She wasn’t supposed to turn this way. It was supposed to be calm and safe like Esme’s was. Not rushed in the back of a car like Bella’s had been. Once Carlisle had pumped enough venom into her to be sure she wouldn’t die, Alice and Jasper threw her turning body in their car and raced to the Montana house with her screaming in the back. It was sudden and unplanned, and they had to fake their deaths real fast. She woke up surrounded by family, with Edward nowhere to be seen. How would Alice wake up? Who would be there with her?

Bella shook herself, there was no point dwelling on things that didn’t matter. Alice had to be turned then and there, that was the plan. That was the way it had to be.

She sighed and guided Alice to sit on the car bonnet. 

“I have to warn you that this is going to hurt,” she said, “a lot.”

Alice smiled. “Esme already told me, Bella. I'll be okay, I promise.”

Bella nodded. No point stalling any longer with James on their tails.

“Put your hand in my hair,” she murmured to Esme, “pull me up if I don’t stop in 30 seconds.”

Esme slid her hand into the bun on Bella’s head, but quietly reminded her. “You’ll stop. You can do this.”

Bella kind of wished they didn’t believe in her so truly. The last time she tasted human blood was to murder that bastard Charles Evenson, and the only control she had had then was the discipline to make him suffer as much as possible. She had never bitten for a positive reason, she had never made good things happen with her venom. Blood, to her, was violence and desperation and pleasure.

Nothing you do could ever disappoint me. Nothing.

Bella exhaled and checked Alice one more time. “You ready?”

“Yes.”

She closed her eyes and counted down.

3, 2, 1.

She bit down into Alice’s left wrist, as had been decided. The second her teeth sliced through skin, before a drop of blood even hit her tongue, the ecstasy started. Her body prepared itself for the high and rejoiced in the rich ambrosial nectar that flowed down her throat. 

But Bella checked herself. This was Alice, her sister, the most pure and precious thing she had. Alice had to survive, because what kind of world would there be without Alice in it? Alice had to survive, for the family, for Jasper.

Yes, Jasper. Alice had to survive for Jasper.

Believe me, please.

She focused on producing as much venom as possible. She fed at the wound for 20 seconds and lifted her head of her own accord, Esme’s hand fell uselessly away.

Alice stared into her eyes for a second, not reacting. Then the venom hit and her eyes went round like dinner plates, tears streamed down her cheeks, her mouth fell open, jaw tense, hands clawed. The first screams cut through Bella like a knife.

“Oh God I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” Bella grabbed a blanket from the car and wrapped it around her sister as if it would help, she held her rigid form close in an embrace. “I’m so so sorry, Ali…”

Alice screamed into her neck.

“Bella…” Esme touched her shoulder. “We have to move. I’ll meet you at the Crossing Inn ten miles north.”

Bella nodded and watched her only support run away from them. She sighed, counted to five, kissed Alice’s hair and carried her into the car. She laid her on the back seat and sped away as fast as the car could go.

All my love, forever and always,

Alice xx

Chapter Text

Esme. 

Esme caught up with the car about an hour later. She had run to a nearby inn, broken into one of the empty rooms and left Alice’s belongings there. Should their plan work, it should lead James directly to that bed and away from the road, giving them the precious time they needed to get to family. 

She then ran towards the road, bypassing the town Bella had driven through altogether. She took the long way through the wilderness and eventually found Bella thirty miles north.  She followed the screams, even a human would have been able to hear them from some distance away. Bella was distraught. She barely slowed down to let Esme get in the car. Her face was totally blank, but hands tense on the steering wheel, small divots were beginning to form under the strength of her fingertips. Alice laid in the back, wrapped in a blanket and thrashing around.

The car hit a bump and Alice let out a sharp yelp. Bella’s left eye twitched.

“It’s okay,” Esme murmured, “she’s going to be okay.” 

She wanted to touch Bella’s hand, stroke her shoulder or her hair and offer some comfort - but knew it could startle her and make it all worse. She settled for whispering, telling her hopeful things, giving her nice things to think about. Eventually Bella responded, eyes still trained on the road.

“What if she forgets?”

“She won’t.”

“She did before.”

“She didn’t have you before,” Esme whispered, “she could never forget you.”

Bella huffed. “She’s known me a week. We don’t know how deep that connection really goes.”

“She’s been seeing you for her entire life,” Esme insisted. “She loves you deeply. There is no way that she could ever forget you.”

Bella clenched her jaw and didn’t respond

They drove for another 20 hours, their trickery had kept James off their tails for the rest of that night and the sun shone brightly throughout the next day. When the sun once again began to set, they were at the point where the only roads would bring them through a major city and made the decision to get out and run the rest of the way to the Denalis’ West Virginia house. 

It was a struggle to carry Alice at such high speed. People went rigid during the change, Esme had been told, but Alice had been flinching away from any kind of touch and screaming like it made the burning worse. She writhed and thrashed in Bella’s arms, slowing them down considerably and making it very hard to be stealthy. 

The Denalis’ West Virginia house was on the outskirts of a small town, thankfully far enough away from humans that they weren’t putting anyone at risk. It was a large brick building, painted white. Hopefully it was strong enough to withstand a confused newborn, but there was never a way to predict these things. At least, not yet. 

Kate and Garrett met them a few miles out, drawn straight to them by Alice’s screaming. Esme paused to explain what had happened but Bella just kept running, forcing them to follow her to the house. They were still under tree cover and it was far too easy to be ambushed, especially as Alice drowned out all the other noise of the forest.

They could only hope that the walls would dampen some of the noise. Bella carried her straight inside through the back door, through the kitchen and into the central hallway.  Esme, Kate and Garrett followed just behind.

“Where should I put her?” Bella murmured, the first words she’d said in some time. 

“The sitting room would be the easiest one to defend,” Kate replied. “Garrett, could you remove any breakables please?”

Garrett hastened to the living room, Kate wrapped a supportive arm around Bella’s waist and raised her hand to stroke Alice’s matted hair from her sweating forehead. The girl flinched away from her touch, pausing in her constant scream to let out a plaintive cry. 

“She’s hypersensitive to touch.” Bella said.

“Best put her down then and see if it helps,” Kate ushered them into the sitting room, now free of any antiques or valuables as Garrett moved them away from the rapidly changing newborn. 

At first Bella laid Alice onto the soft velvet couch, but the cushions seemed to trigger her hypersensitivity even worse than being held had and they ended up pulling up the rug and laying her on the hard wooden floor. Then, finally, her screams faded to quiet whimpers. 

Bella sat down on the floor beside her, whispering platitudes and reassurances. None of them seemed to get through, it quickly became clear that Alice couldn’t hear anything. Bella kept going, but Esme could sense her losing control of herself. Her words came out faster, blurring together into a jumbled mess no human would be able to decipher.

Kate pulled Esme into the hallway a few hours later. Garrett was standing by the stairs, having just done a sweep of the perimeter. Esme assumed he’d not found anything, considering his relaxed, if tense, stance. 

“This is far too much for her to bear,” she whispered, too low for Bella to hear. “We need to get Jasper.”

Esme shook her head. “She’s said she doesn’t want him here.”

“Well that’s too bad, he’s the only one who could possibly get her through this.”

“What about Peter?”

“Peter would just call us idiots and go get Jasper himself.”

“Okay… well what about Carlisle?” Esme crossed her fingers, secretly hopeful that they would agree and she could have some comfort.

Kate frowned and looked at Garrett, officially bypassing Esme’s opinion. “Let’s not make her pain too public, she was so embarrassed after Edward. Need to know only, go get Jasper.”

“Will you be alright?” Garrett murmured.

Kate smirked sadly. “I can protect us, don’t worry.”

He returned her smile, kissed her on the cheek and set off north at top speed.

“How long will he be?”

“About three hours, I’d estimate.” Kate said. “Jasper’s never too far away. We can only hope he’s back before James catches up. We weren’t expecting Bella to enact her plan now, my sisters are in Canada and we haven’t been able to contact them. I don’t know how Bella was expecting to fight him off.”

“She wasn’t expecting him to be there,” Esme replied. “She seemed so shaken, he attacked her when she was human.”

Kate stiffened. “I’ll take great joy in his death then, no matter how hard he is to kill. Let’s see how Bella’s doing.”

Bella hadn’t moved when they stepped back into view; sitting on the floor, knees tight against her chest, eyes trained on Alice but vacant. 

“Do you think, if Edward were here…” Esme whispered carefully.

Kate shook her head. “I think if Edward were here we would have far more problems than just Alice’s turn.”

Alice let out a particularly harsh screech, her back arched up off the floor. Bella flinched. 

Kate winced. “Is Alice as sweet as Bella always says she is?”

Esme nodded. “Sweeter.”

“This will all be worth it then.” Kate nodded resolutely. She touched Esme affectionately on the shoulder and went outside to keep watch from the roof. Esme sat beside Bella on the floor, not touching but close enough to know she was there; hoping her presence would be enough of a comfort until the one man who could fix this arrived.

Jasper came hurtling through the front door two hours and ten minutes later. He didn’t pause or acknowledge anyone, just ran at top speed to Bella’s frozen form on the floor. Esme backed away but couldn’t stop watching. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and pulled her into his lap, tight to his chest. He nuzzled her neck and whispered with his lips close beside her ear.

“I’ve got you, sweetheart. It’s going to be okay. I’ve got you.”

At first Bella stayed totally still, but as he chanted over and over she slowly moved in his arms, allowed herself to mold into his body. Esme flinched at the first sob.

“I bit her!”

“You did,” he replied, “I can see it. It’s clean and you left her with the right amount of blood. You did such a good job!”

“I hurt her!” her voice shook. “She’s in pain because of me.”

“I know. It’s horrible to hurt someone you love, but she’ll still love you back.” He rubbed comforting circles on her arm. “Esme still loved me after I turned her. Hell, you think none of Peter’s scars came from me?”

She held onto his arms, so hard that cracks started appearing. He just held her tighter. Her orange eyes stayed glued to Alice.

“What if she forgets?” Bella whispered. “What if she’s not my sister anymore? I can’t lose another one, Jaz!”

“Shhhhh.” He touched his lips to her neck, started rocking her from side to side. “You listen to me. People lose their memories when they turn because they refuse to remember. Alice is remembering everyone she loves right now. I can feel her. She is lying there loving you. She can hear your voice, Bells. She’s reacting to it.”

“She can hear my voice? I thought she couldn’t hear anything.”

“Yes, she’s worried about you.”

“Well no change there.”

He laughed lightly and pressed a kiss into her hair. He slowly rearranged her so she sat sideways on his lap, forehead resting under his chin. His arm supported her back as he held her and softly stroked her hip. She let herself be moved, almost limp in his arms.

“Come on,” he whispered, “let’s be calm and wait for her together.”

Bella nodded, and the air around them immediately warmed up. Esme felt the tension in her shoulders fall away as Jasper pumped a cloud of thick calm into the air. He still didn’t acknowledge anyone, singularly focused on the girl in his arms. 

Kate laid a light hand on Esme’s shoulder and pulled her away. Garrett waited for them on the front porch.

“Phew,” he whispered, too low to disturb the couple. “That boy can run fast. I barely got out ‘Bella needs you’ before he was on his feet and out the door. He wouldn’t even stop for directions.”

“He’s so dedicated to her.” A line appeared between Kate’s brows, her eyes sad. “Now Edward is out of the picture, I just don’t see what’s keeping them apart.”

“It’s more complicated than that,” said Esme. “That’s what Bella says.”

Kate sighed. “He loves her and she loves him. I don’t see anything more simple.”

It took another day for Alice’s turning to finish. Jasper didn’t leave Bella’s side once. 

Esme, Kate and Garrett took turns keeping watch while Jasper and Bella kept their eyes constantly on the poor girl writhing on the floor. It was the first time Esme had seen someone turn from the outside and it was morbidly intriguing to see the changes take place. She watched as Alice’s sun starved skin grew even paler, but healthier, she couldn’t see her veins anymore. Her malnourished body filled out, her legs grew a couple of inches, her limp hair gained some volume and shine, lips plumped, eyes grew bigger. She changed from a beautiful girl to a goddess right in front of Esme’s eyes. 

Bella.

Everyone jerked when Alice’s heart sped up.

She had grown still a while ago, to the untrained eye she looked truly dead. It was the last phase of the change, for some it would become even more violet, for others it would bring a final hopeful numbness. Bella could only hope Alice had felt some relief. 

As the venom finished its route around her body and redirected to her heart, Alice’s eyes opened sightless. Her back arched up off the ground, breathing became erratic, her growling cries became loud and desperate. 

Bella jumped up, Jasper slowly after her. He directed everyone to stand back and took hold of her elbow to pull her back a few paces. She barely noticed him, eyes and ears trained on the pulse in her sister’s neck as it sped and sped…

And stopped.

Alice’s ruby eyes shot open and she jumped to her feet in one quick movement. She fell into a crouch, desperately glaring at the collection of people in front of her. They all stayed silent.

Jasper squeezed Bella’s arm.

“Alice,” she whispered.

Alice’s attention shot to her, eyes caught the scars on her arms and a growl formed in her throat. It softened into a whimper when she reached her face.

“Do you remember who you are, Alice?” Bella whispered, leaning forward against Jasper’s restraining hold.

Alice paused. “My name is Mary Alice Brandon. Your name is Bella Cullen. You’re a time traveller, and my sister.”

“Yes,” Bella breathed, a smile growing across her face, “that’s right!”

Alice’s expression relaxed a little. She took another look around herself and smiled. “Esme, and-” she turned to Jasper “-you’re one of their boys.”

He chuckled quietly, face gentle and body perfectly still. “The name’s Jasper Cullen, ma’am.”

Bella tried to ignore the clench in her chest as Alice smiled back at him. Jasper looked at her and squeezed her arm, having felt it.

“This is Kate, and Garrett.” Bella said, resolutely not giving Jasper any reaction. “They’re family.”

Alice turned to nod at them, her smile turning a little unsure.

“Do you remember anything else, Alice?” Esme asked, voice low.

“I…” Alice frowned. “I was in that hospital, you came to save me. Then we had to run because someone was coming after us.”

“That’s right.”

“Is he still after us?” she asked, tone becoming a little desperate.

“We got away,” Bella replied carefully. “You’re safe. We don’t need to worry about him right now.”

Alice exhaled a deep breath, frowned and touched her throat. Bella bit her lip, remembering the first time she had realised she didn’t need air. Alice looked confused, staring walls surrounding her, before bursting into the widest smile Bella had ever seen on her.

Her eyes shot back to her, grinning madly. 

“Bells!” she breathed. “My head doesn’t hurt!”

Bella felt her own smile spread across her face, she let out a laugh. “Of course it doesn’t! It never will again!”

Alice laughed back, touching her temples. “I’ve never felt so clear! I had a vision before I fully woke up, it was an actual image! In colour!”

Bella froze, smile dimmed. Alice had had a vision when she woke up the first time. It was of her mate, her true love. 

She really didn’t want to hear this.

“What was it?” Esme asked unhelpfully.

Alice turned and looked back in their direction, Jasper’s direction.

“You must be thirsty!” Bella interrupted, shamelessly using the one thing she knew would distract any newborn. Blood. “I’ll show you how to hunt!”

It was wrong of her to do that. She tried to hide her guilt as Alice’s expression changed, fingers light on her temple became harsh on her throat. Bella launched into a long explanation of hunting, how they would drink animals instead of humans, the basics of how to do it; all while ignoring Jasper’s probing gaze on the back of her head.

This was what she had been afraid of. This was what she had been trying to avoid. She had wanted to be away for their first meeting, far away. She had wanted to be told in privacy how they had hit it off, how they had fallen in love. She had wanted to mourn away from them, in privacy. 

Too bad. 

She swallowed her feelings as Jasper suggested they show Alice how to hunt together. She clamped down on them, forced him out. He tensed behind her. She didn’t react. 

“Come on,” she smiled at Alice and tried to force it to meet her eyes, “it’s the kind of thing you learn by doing.”

She led them into the forest, letting them fall in behind her. She listened to them chatting to one another and tried not to let it show as her world crumbled around her.

Once Alice had taken down a few deer and completely covered herself in blood they headed back to the house. 

When they rejoined the others Esme and Kate were up on the roof to keep an eye on their surroundings, Garrett prowled the trees in the direction they had come from. They were keeping watch for James, Bella had been so absorbed in Alice that she had somehow forgotten why they were running. 

“How did it go?” Esme asked as she jumped to the ground.

“It was great!” Alice exclaimed, blood stains still on her fingers. “I didn’t know I’d be able to run so fast!”

Jasper chuckled. “She sure outran me and Bella. She also took down two deer all on her own.”

Esme squeezed Alice in a one armed hug. “I knew you’d be a natural talent!”

“We found bear tracks but Jasper said I’m not ready yet,” Alice pouted good-naturedly.

“You’re small enough that one fair swipe would send you flying,” he grinned. “I’ve not taught you how to land yet, there’s a method.”

“I want to learn the method!” Her eyes sparkled, her smile so wide. “I want to learn everything and do everything!”

He touched her arm, smile warm. “We have plenty of time for that.”

Bella felt cold. 

She was so tense from staying neutral, so tired of fake smiling. She was glad to see Alice so happy, she truly was, but every little thing Jasper said to her, every look, every touch made Bella want to scream. She knew she was being suspicious and he was very obviously noticing, she needed some time away to calm down - just a couple of hours.

Garrett and Kate had just rejoined the group and everyone was happily discussing Alice’s hunting abilities. Bella wanted to join them, she so desperately wanted to be happy, she wanted to enjoy this. She finally had her sister back, this was what she’d been waiting for for years.

But all she could think of was what she had just lost. 

“I’m gonna go keep watch,” she said, probably interrupting someone mid-sentence. Five sets of eyes swung to look at her, she smiled in a way she hoped was reassuring. “I’m sure you all have dozens of stories Alice will want to hear.”

She walked away without waiting for a response. The others stayed silent for a moment, but then Garrett launched into a story about the invasion of Quebec and took their attention away from her odd behaviour. She smiled to herself, they could manage without her.

Everyone had been keeping watch on the roof, but that wasn’t far enough for her. There was a particularly tall tree in the direction James would likely be coming from and she decided to settle in that, though the branches were dense and she couldn’t see the ground directly below her. 

She watched the surrounding forest for movement; looking without truly seeing as her immortal eyes catalogued every wind rustled branch and dashing animal; ears taking in every footstep, rustle and the faint laughter of her family behind her. 

Some footsteps broke away from the group and made their way towards her. They were soft, either Esme or Kate’s, Bella figured as she waited for them to get there.

Sure enough, Kate swung herself up to the branch Bella was sitting on a few seconds later.

“Go on then,” she said quietly enough the family wouldn’t hear. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Bella winced. “Sorry, I know I’m doing a bad job of hiding it.”

“Is it Jasper?” Kate guessed.

“Yeah…” Bella sighed.

“You only get mopey upset when it’s about Jasper or something vague about the future,” Kate smirked. “I prefer it when you get violent, much more entertaining.”

“Haha.” Bella smiled sadly. “He wasn’t supposed to be here for this. I had hoped to have a better grip on myself before seeing him again. I’m just feeling so raw after watching Alice be in so much pain and I can’t control my feelings the way I usually would.”

Kate frowned. “I don’t understand. Why couldn’t he be here for this? Is it to do with Alice?”

Bella bit her lip.

Kate took her hand. “You know you can tell me. Share your burdens, dearest.”

Bella sighed and shook her head at herself. She had kept this secret for over 30 years, and for what? It was obvious to the people around her that something was wrong, and worse no-one knew she had a good reason for the way she was behaving. One thing she had gained from travelling back in time was her relationship with the Denali sisters, a relationship she had that was separate to her family. Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to finally let it out.

She hesitated a moment, after decades of holding this in it felt impossible to put into words. 

“I… was not the only one who was married in the future.”

Kate stared at her for a moment, then her mouth dropped open in realisation and she yanked Bella into a tight embrace.

“Alice and Jasper?” she gasped. “Oh Bells! You’ve had this on your shoulders all this time?”

Bella nodded into her shoulder. “I’ve been so excited to see Alice, but at the same time I don’t want to watch them fall in love. I can’t…”

“They don’t have to!” Kate pulled back and shook her a little. “If you were to take Jasper as your mate he would never look at her twice!”

“You didn’t know them in the future…” Bella whispered. “Alice used to say it all the time, some people are meant to be together. When she was first turned, the first thing she saw was a vision of Jasper’s face. She felt that they were meant to be together. And he loved her so much… when he met her he fell in love instantly, they were so devoted to each other… and you heard her before, she had the vision of him this time too!”

Venomous tears welled in her eyes, Kate rubbed her arm. 

“If I took him as my mate then I would be taking that love away from him,” Bella’s lip wobbled against her will. “Even though they don’t know anything about it, all I can think of is their future selves - what they would think. Alice would have forgiven me for anything but Jasper… Future Jasper…” she gasped “... I love him so much… both versions of him and I can’t- I can’t bear the idea of doing something unforgivable to him… I couldn’t live with myself if I thought he would hate me if he knew…”

Kate pulled Bella into another tight hug and rubbed her back as she dry sobbed into her shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, sweet girl…” she whispered.

“You understand?”

She nodded. “I understand. I won’t push you anymore, I promise.”

“Thank you…”

Kate held her for a while, rocking her gently as she got her emotions out, until they heard the telltale sound of Jasper’s footsteps coming towards them.

Kate pulled back. “I’ll drag him away. Will you be okay here?”

“Yes,” Bella tried to smile, “I just need some time.”

Kate stroked her cheek affectionately and jumped down from the tree. Bella settled back in to watch the surrounding vegetation, but something had changed. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but something had moved between the trees. Branches had been trampled, animals had scarpered. There was something in the woods.

She jumped down herself, ready to run back to her group. A faint scent caught the air as it changed directions, growing stronger and stronger as she turned towards it. She landed and raced back towards the house.

She was close enough to hear their whispers. A branch broke to the side of her and she couldn’t help but look. She skidded to a stop, not wanting to be chased. Peering at her through the dense woodland was a pair of ruby eyes that she had never wanted to see again.

Instinct forced her to growl at him, lips pulling back from her teeth. Jasper immediately flew through the woods to her side, mirroring her aggression as he stopped beside her.

James stepped out into the open, his hands thrown up in mock surrender, a sly smile on his face.

Bella swallowed her fight or flight reflex and lightly held Jasper’s wrist. He couldn’t attack just yet, not until she knew where his mate was. Leaving Victoria alive was not a mistake she intended to make again. 

“Can I help you?” she asked, loudly enough to draw the others towards her.

James took a deep inhale and grinned menacingly, eyes manic. 

“I believe you stole some prey from me.”

Bella cocked her head innocently. “I did?”

“Yes. You did.”

Light footsteps came from behind him. Bella peered past his shoulder and caught sight of one of the last faces she ever saw as a human. Victoria looked wild and menacing whatever time she was in. Just desperate enough to destroy the world should she so wish. She sure destroyed Bella’s the first time. 

Victoria took her place at James’ side, along with a third vampire Bella didn’t recognise on the other side. They were clearly here for a fight, trying to look menacing. They clearly didn’t know about the four others gathering upwind, just out of view. The tension she could feel from Jasper’s body behind her shifted. Victoria’s scent clung to Bella’s neck, as it always would. He knew who the greater threat was.

James smirked, arrogant. “I think-”

Bella let go of Jasper’s wrist. 

He flew towards Victoria’s throat, arms outstretched and teeth bared. Bella went for James. 

He wasn’t expecting it, wasn’t in any kind of defensive stance. She was close to him already and took him down to the ground before he had a chance to realise what was happening. She dug her teeth into the side of his neck and smashed her hand into his cheek to pry his head off.

He struggled, tried to buck her off, spin them so she would be under him. Two more sets of arms came to hold him down, Esme and Alice. 

He lashed out and managed to smack Alice away from him. She screeched and leapt straight back, used her whole body to hold his arm down and clamped her teeth into his upper arm for good measure. 

They didn’t know how to kill a man, but that was okay. Bella did. She slid forwards on his torso so he couldn’t buck her off. With Alice and Esme holding him down he couldn’t stand even with full use of his legs. 

She anchored her teeth into his jugular, used her right arm to crush his head into the dirt and punched his jaw with her left fist. It gave her enough force and leverage to rip his head from his neck. 

She shoved it away so it couldn’t bite anything and jumped up to her feet. She stamped on his crotch and used the leverage to rip his legs from his torso. Alice and Esme pulled his arms off without her having to tell them. 

She pulled a clunky, very old lighter out of her pocket and set fire to his head first. Kill the brain, kill the body. She kicked his body parts into two separate piles and set fire to them too. 

Another arm was thrown onto the pile, she looked up and met Garrett’s excited face. 

He grinned. “We got her.”

She zipped back to where she had tackled James and found another pyre. Jasper and Kate stood to the side of it, looking at the third vampire. He knelt with his back against a tree, hands palm up, neck stretched to the side. Surrendering. 

Bella turned her appraising gaze to Jasper and Kate. Kate was ruffled, clothes ripped but unharmed. Jasper’s hair was a mess, his tie ripped clean from his collar, there was a scratch going up his face that made Bella clench her fists so hard they crunched. But it wasn’t a bite, so it would heal. It was already healing.

She felt warmth as he reached out with his gift, but he didn’t look her way. He wouldn’t take his eyes off a prisoner until he was sure it was safe. She responded by summoning up the warmest feeling of safety she could and sent it back to him. She turned to the pyre and caught sight of Victoria’s burning face, twisted into an eternal snarl. A little part of her felt some vindication. She never got to see Victoria face justice for what she did to her. She was the reason why she had to be turned early, why she never got to say goodbye to her parents. Yes, she heard Edward kill her, but it wasn’t the same without seeing it with her own eyes. Now she had seen the woman who forced her to turn early suffer, Victoria had suffered as Bella had suffered. 

She was shaken from her introspection by a small growl to her left. She turned, Alice had followed her and caught sight of the third member of James’ party. He had surrendered, they had no intention of killing him if they didn’t have to. Things like that didn’t matter to newborn reflexes. Alice snarled and leapt at his throat.

“ALICE NO!” Jasper jumped out and caught her in midair, he slammed her to the ground and pinned her the way Bella had seen him do to newborns dozens of times. He even did it to her once upon a time.

“He’s not a threat, darlin’,” he murmured into Alice’s ear. “Look at the way he’s standing. He’s surrendered and isn’t going to hurt anyone. Understand?”

Alice growled and tried to buck him off. He just flexed and held her down tighter. Bella looked away. 

Jasper was pumping so much calm into Alice that she would have been unconscious if she were still human. She struggled once more, gave up and huffed.

“You’re sure?”

Jasper laughed. “Positive. Even if he does try to hurt us, I can take him. I promise.”

“Okay…”

He jumped to his feet and held out a hand to help her up. Her raggedy dress was just plain rags at this point. He took off his grey tweed jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. It dwarfed her tiny frame.

“Well I think we’ve made it clear you can trust us!” Kate said abruptly and loudly, effectively drawing all attention towards her and away from the breakdown Bella was about to have. 

The man smiled meekly. “I see that. I must apologise for the company I was keeping, I have only been travelling with them a few months. I was lonely, you see.”

“We can understand that.” Jasper gestured for the man to stand, he must have seen something in his emotions that he liked. “What’s your name?”

“Frederick,” he smoothly got to his feet, “but I prefer Fred. I assume James offended you somehow?”

Jasper’s lip curled. “We have history with him. He just wasn’t aware of it.”

Fred nodded at the vague answer, his eyebrows raised. He sensibly didn’t ask for more information.

“And… I can’t help but wonder…” He looked all around at the assembled group. “You all have yellow eyes?”

Garrett burst out laughing behind Bella and came forwards to clap the man on the shoulder. “Come, new friend. Let’s chat someplace more pleasant.”

With the threat of imminent attack gone, the group made their way back to the clearing. Fred was somewhat new to this life, they found out. Abandoned by his sire, James was the first vampire he had stumbled upon and had stayed with him out of fear of being alone. He was intrigued about their diet and was quickly invited back to the Cullen house to learn how it worked. Everyone liked him well enough, after all. 

Once everything was settled, they packed up and set off running to the house the rest of the family was in - now Bella didn’t have to avoid Jasper, it made far more sense for Alice to spend her early days there. Bella stayed close to Kate’s side as they ran for a day straight. She left keeping an eye on Alice to Jasper, if it needed doing then he would do it - she knew that.

It was for the best that he looked after her anyway. This was the beginning Alice’s second life always should have had. 

Chapter Text

At the bottom of a locked drawer, laid a burdensome note written on thick cream paper. Bella tried her best to ignore it, but its implications followed her everywhere. It detailed her true task here. The thing she had been sent back to achieve. Her instructions from the king of the Volturi.

Dearest Isabella,

I would like to thank you again for this favour. Your kindness and bravery know no bounds.

We are so blessedly lucky to have you, and of course our dear Selena. She is quite remarkable, a lucky find from your friend Eleazar in 1925. Before him, even she didn’t know what she was capable of. She is truly incredible! She tells me she has been sent back many times to try to stop the rebellion, and every time has been forced to live through to the present as a phantom - unable to change anything. You mark the end of her suffering.

While I trust you and your abilities absolutely, my dear; I must remind you not to get distracted from the task I have sent you back for. It is absolutely imperative that you stop the Romanian rebellion. I assure you, no matter how much you might disagree with my coven’s decisions or way of operating - the Romanians would be far worse. Vladimir and Stefan have no respect for human life and do not believe in the secrecy of our kind. If given absolute power, the whole world would be thrown into chaos. I believe I know you well enough to presume that you would not want this reality. 

Preventing our defeat at the hand of the rebels will be surprisingly easy, dear girl. As you have the ability to deal with the problem many years ahead of time, I have every confidence in your success. The result of the rebellion hinged on just one man. 

His name is Georgios Botasis; born in August, 1928. You need to go find him in January, 1942. I do not know where exactly he will be, only that it is somewhere in Western Macedonia. The timing in this matter is incredibly important, you must find him after he was bitten but before he awakens. This will be between March and November, 1942 - the last sighting of him as a human and the first as a vampire. 

As I’m sure you can tell, we have known he would be a problem for some time and did as much research as we could. We had hoped to tempt him to our side, but found our efforts were in vain. This is the only way.

I need you to capture Botasis while he is changing, and take him to me before the Romanians find him. I have enclosed a second letter to give to me, which I must ask you not to read. You understand, I’m sure. I will deal with the threat, thwart the Romanians and keep our kind safe. I’m sure you agree with me that this is our priority.

Thank you again for your service, sweet Isabella.

Aro.

There were many things Bella never told her family. Some were to preserve their future happiness, the existence of family members and joyful events that she wanted them to experience organically. Some were to avoid hurting them. She never told Carlisle and Jasper that they left her on her 18th birthday; alone, depressed and abandoned. She especially never told Jasper that it was because he tried to kill her. 

Another, she had tried to conceal every detail she could from as many people as she could. 

The events of the Romanian Rebellion. 

She had never quite decided how to deal with the task she had been sent back to complete. Aro wasn’t wrong; she was extremely distracted by her own goals, but that wasn’t all of it. She didn’t want the Romanians to have absolute power, she had enough sense to know that the Volturi were the lesser of two evils, but if she obeyed Aro’s wishes, he would have both time travel and the man Bella suspected was a weapon of catastrophic proportions. 

She couldn’t allow that either, not without a fight. 

He was right, she had advantages from coming at the problem before it formed. She could put changes in place to reduce his power, plot against him. But none of her family could know. She was the only one protected from Aro’s mind reading powers, so she had to be the only one to know about her betrayal. 

The others knew the rebellion happened. They knew Bella needed to change events in 1942, and that to do it she needed to know where the Romanians were. They knew nothing else, by design. 

Huge concepts like ‘stop the Romanian Rebellion’ and ‘stop Aro getting hold of time travel’ were so difficult and unwieldy. It had been decades and she still had no concrete plans. But at least she had one ally in this; just one unwilling, sarcastic ally. 

Selena would appear every now and then, as she always had. She would point in a direction, maybe make a face at something in particular, then almost always roll her eyes and disappear again. Sometimes she was helpful, sometimes she was just annoying, but Bella had been dealing with her long enough to know when she should shut up and listen.

February 5th, 1920. Bella. 

It was six months after Alice turned, and her visions were improving in almost every way. She was getting them more often, they were clearer, they had colour, they were lasting longer; everyone was really excited… except for Alice. She could force herself to get one, she just couldn’t control what that vision would be of. She was extremely frustrated and begged anyone available to help her practice at every possible moment. Bella was always happy to oblige. 

They were practising in Carlisle’s study, the calmest room in the house. Truth be told, the Cullen residence was packed to the brim and Bella was happy for the privacy. There was the main family, Fred was still staying as their guest, and all the Denali’s had descended upon them, including Garrett and Laurent. That was 12 vampires all in one house, and half of them were worried about Bella.

The Denali sisters knew that Alice would be Jasper’s wife, therefore they knew Bella was going through a hard time, therefore they would not leave her alone. While she appreciated the care, it did not help the fact that Esme, Peter and Jasper all had a feeling something was up too. When they saw the sisters fussing, they fussed too. Not only that, they prodded and poked, tried to figure out what was wrong. 

Bella couldn’t tell them, not for many many years. Not until everyone was happy and settled and her telling people could have no negative effects.

So, never. 

In that, and in every way, she was alone. The gaping darkness of her own future had unfurled before her. Where once there were plans, now there was pain. She had thought after leaving Edward that she would be able to get through losing Jasper without him. She was wrong, this was torture.

For the past six months she had felt constantly uncomfortable and exposed, from the second they brought Alice home. Beyond being constantly observed and the growing loneliness, something just felt off. She felt horrible, constantly thirsty, easily irritated - even that old jabbing pulsing feeling in the top of her spine felt worse. It reminded her of being in the camps, constantly watched, constantly under attack.

It threatened to bury her, pull her in and drag her under. Bella took a deep breath and forced herself to focus on the present.

Alice was sitting on Carlisle’s desk, eyes squeezed shut and face screwed up in concentration. Her long, dark hair was pulled into a bun on the top of her head, clothes lovingly created by Irina were sturdy enough for a newborn. Her skirt may have been a bit more flared than the fashion to allow her legs to move unhindered, but her wide collar was trimmed with fine lace, which was enough to make Alice happy for now.

Alice’s eyes shot open and she heaved a heavy sigh. “It’s going to rain.”

“Oh!” Bella grinned. “That’s great! Very clear! When’s it going to rain?”

“How should I know!” Alice whined. “I don’t understand how I’m supposed to do this!”

“It’s okay! You’ll get there!” Bella hushed her and took her hands. “Here, focus on my future. I’m going to make a drastic decision and try to see how it turns out.”

“Okay…” Alice’s eyes slid shut.

Bella focused as hard as she could on consciously deciding to get her hair cut next week. She had been thinking about it for decades after all, it was coming up to the 20s when short hair would be in, and she was getting so sick of dealing with long hair all the time. She wanted low maintenance god damnit. So she would get it cut. Yes, she would go next week and get it cut. Short. Chin length. That sounded like an excellent idea.

She could tell it wasn’t working because Alice hadn’t screamed yet. 

Her hands tightened on hers in a vision and Bella held her breath, but then Alice let her go with a whine.

She sighed, rolled her eyes and fell backwards onto the table. “A little blonde girl is getting a pearl bracelet for her birthday.” She grimaced. “...or Christmas.” 

“That’s good,” said Bella. “The images are getting stronger.” 

“Yes but they’re of completely random things!” Alice whined.

Bella took pity and wrapped her arms around her. “Did she look like she liked it?”

“Not really…”

A sudden change in the light caught Bella’s attention over Alice’s shoulder. Selena appeared in the corner of the room, half transparent as per usual - but she looked frantic. She ran through the air towards the large map of North America Carlisle had open on his desk and  jabbed at one particular spot. 

Bella knew when to shut up and listen. She quickly, but gently, disentangled herself from Alice and ran to the map to where Selena was pointing. She met the phantom’s eyes and nodded.

“Alice, we’ve got to go.”

Selena jumped up and down, waved her arms in the air shaking her head no.

“I mean…” Bella stammered. “Actually no, don’t follow me. And er…” Selena started comically covering her eyes. “...try not to watch?”

Alice huffed and rolled her eyes. “Try not to watch…”

Bella smiled indulgently back at her as she left the room and dodged half a dozen family members to make it out the door. The spot Selena had pointed to was about 150 miles straight north east and Bella ran directly towards it. Selena stayed with her, mainly invisible but would become visible enough to direct her when she was going the wrong way.

This had happened before, Selena pointing to a spot on the map and having Bella run towards it as fast as possible. It had never come to anything, but Bella couldn’t help but shake the feeling that those were test runs, that Selena had a master plan all along.

Even if this was just a test run, she was happy to get out of the house. Before she was even 5 miles away that wrong feeling seemed to ebb and she just felt so much better, warmer even.

She enjoyed the feeling, and the run, for about 90 minutes until Selena appeared and brought them to a sudden stop. They were in the mountains, hidden within the cliffs, and there were two people in the clearing below.

Bella crept to the edge and peaked down. It was a male and a female, both vampires. Something about them was familiar, she could detect some of their scent from where she stood. She inched forwards until the woman turned and she got a decent look at her profile.

A smile bloomed over her face and she turned to Selena in amazement. It was Eleazar and Carmen, a full 15 years before they would join the Denalis. Selena rolled her eyes at her joy and shooed her towards them. She made a noise as she stood, to ensure that they could see her coming. 

They turned as they heard her stand, instantly slipping into defensive stances. Vampires were, as a rule, big fans of personal space. Eleazar subtly slid in front of Carmen, so she made sure to look calm and unthreatening, her hands loose at her sides and a gentle smile on her face. 

“Hello!” she greeted, still standing on the cliff.

Carmen nodded at her and returned the greeting. Eleazar’s eyes were all over her, scanning her in the same way he did when he met her the first time in the future. Bella relaxed and let him. 

“My name’s Bella,” she said, “what’s yours?”

“My name is Carmen,” the lady smiled, “this is Eleazar.”

Eleazar’s brown furrowed and he nodded politely. “A pleasure…”

“What brings you down this way?” Bella asked. She desperately hoped she wouldn’t have to make small talk until she found a way to get them to come home with her.

Apparently it was the wrong question. Eleazar’s posture locked up, he grumbled a single word.

“Business.”

Oh yeah, she realised, he was probably here for the Volturi. He did still work for them after all. The full extent of Selena’s plan blossomed in her mind and she couldn’t help her smile getting larger. Eleazar’s brow tensed even more. Of course, no matter how unthreatening she tried to appear, Bella was still standing on a cliff above them. Clear tactical advantage, but if she stepped down it could be seen as an advance.

“... and you?” Carmen politely added in when no one said anything.

Bella took the risk and stepped off the cliff, landing on the ground about 50 feet away from them. 

“My coven lives in the area,” she said, gesturing vaguely behind her.

She felt Eleazar’s sharp gaze on her again, but differently this time. He was staring directly at her strange eyes.

“You drink from animals,” he said, interrupting Carmen mid sentence. 

Bella smiled. “That’s right!”

“That’s possible?” Carmen whispered, turning towards him.

“It is,” he replied. “I knew a man, centuries ago, who only fed on animals and had very similar eyes. We lost touch over the years, I don’t know if he still keeps to it.”

“He does,” Bella said. “So long as you’re talking about Carlisle Cullen, of course.”

Eleazar’s icy expression finally warmed slightly. “You know of him?”

“He’s my sire,” Bella grinned. “He’s 150 miles south-west with the rest of the coven.”

“But you are not with him now?”

“I fancied a run,” Bella shrugged. “I’m heading back soon, if you’d like to come with me and see him.”

Eleazar hesitated, clearly aware of the risk he’d be taking by following a stranger.

Carmen spoke before he could answer. “Would you tell us more about the way you feed? How you resist taking human life?”

“Of course,” Bella said. “My coven keeps to the same diet, we all have different methods. I’m happy to tell you everything I know.”

Carmen turned to Eleazar, silently asking him to take the risk. He acquiesced, finally smiling back at his mate.

“Very well,” he said. “I would be happy to see Carlisle again, he has always been a good man and a good friend.”

“Well he hasn’t changed much then,” Bella turned her back on them first. “It’s this way.”

She set off back the way she had come and they quickly fell in step beside her.

“How long has your coven been living here?” Carmen asked. “Are you nomadic?”

“No, we tend to stay in one place for a few years. We’d been in our current home for six months.”

“How large is your coven?” Carmen asked. “It’s strange to think of one managing to stay in one place if it’s not the Volturi.”

“Usually my family is made of two groups that live separately, but we’re all together right now to celebrate a new member, plus a guest who’s learning how to feed the way we do. There’s 12 of us currently.”

“12?” Carmen gasped, Eleazar’s eyes snapped to her.

Bella understood the shock, a stable coven of 12 vampires would be one of the largest in the world - other than the Volturi. If they all consumed humans they would have to compete for food, and they would have to move around all the time. There would be no way to stay together full time. 

“And you all consume animals?” he asked.

“Yes, all of us.” As impossible as it seemed, even Laurent consumed majority animals, and Fred had adapted to the diet very easily. Peter only had a human as an occasional treat.

“I see…”

They ran in step as Bella led them to her family home, the large hunting lodge half hidden between the hills and trees. It didn’t quite have enough room for everyone, but their all being together was a temporary arrangement. Besides, it wasn’t like they all needed bedrooms.

The lodge was beautiful though, the land surrounding it was lovingly landscaped to blend in with the forest while also being lush and perfect. Every room was filled with furniture hand crafted from the forest trees, woven decorations, embroidered curtains. It was difficult to get large supplies this far away from society and Esme had flourished through the challenge. 

Carmen’s breath hitched when the house came into view and Bella swelled with pride for Esme.

“Carlisle!” she called once she was fairly sure he could hear her. “Come out! I’ve found someone you’ll want to see!”

Carlisle appeared in the front doorway a couple of seconds later, looking questioningly at her. She gestured to Eleazar behind her and his face morphed into a big smile.

“Eleazar! How are you?”

“Very well, my friend.” Eleazar walked past Bella and shook his hand. “We stumbled on your progeny in the mountains and when she said she was yours we had to come see you.”

“And I’m very glad you did,” Carlisle nodded towards Carmen. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, my name is Carlisle Cullen.”

She smiled serenely. “Carmen.”

“You are very welcome, Carmen. Would you like to come in? I would dearly love to introduce you to my family, Eleazar.”

“Absolutely.” 

Carlisle lead Eleazar into the house while Bella hooked arms with Carmen and walked with her to the front door. Carmen grinned like a little girl at the contact, Bella had a feeling she knew why they joined with the Denalis the first time. Carmen needed friends. 

Bella knew the basics of Eleazar and Carmen’s story. He worked for the Volturi scouting out ‘talent’, with his gift to see the gifts of others. He met Carmen on his travels and fell in love with her. They tried to make it work with him in the Volturi but eventually he left and they ended up with the Denalis somehow. Bella cursed herself for not asking enough questions back when she could.

Eleazar was certainly already in love with her, if the way he kept glancing back at her meant anything. He very politely exchanged greetings with the family, who had all gathered in the front room to say hello. Bella let Carmen go so she could meet Tanya and Irina and caught sight of Selena floating in the corner. She gave her a pointed look, like Bella was supposed to be doing something. 

Bella sighed quietly and made her way over to Jasper.

He looked shocked when she appeared by his side, she had been resolutely ignoring him for months after all.

She smiled like it wasn’t strange at all and whispered, “Where’s Garrett, Fred and Laurent?”

“Out hunting,” he replied. “They said they were going far out to find bears.”

Bella nodded awkwardly. “Fun…”

She waited until absolutely no one was paying them any attention, gently took Jasper’s wrist and pulled him away. He followed her touch without question, although an eyebrow rose once they were out of sight of the others.

“I need you to trust me,” she spoke low enough that the others couldn’t hear. “I’m going to ask you to do something you won’t want to do and can absolutely not tell you why.”

He took a long look at her serious expression and simply nodded. 

“Thank you,” she sighed and moved to her tiptoes to whisper at the lowest possible volume. It was absolutely vital that no one heard her. “I need you to make Eleazar and Carmen more receptive to suggestion.”

Both eyebrows rose in shock and he opened his mouth to undoubtedly tell her absolutely not, he would never take someone’s free will away from them. She whispered before he could.

“I wouldn’t ask you to do something like this unless it was life or death. You know that.”

He frowned. “This is life or death?”

“Yes, 100%.”

“But you can’t explain.”

“Absolutely not.”

He gulped once, and nodded. She squeezed his hand in thanks and led him back to the others. 

Bella stayed by his side for the rest of the day, only talking to Carmen or Eleazar when he was there to use his gift on them. Despite the silence and the awkwardness, it was nice, almost like old times. Alice was there, but Bella had a project to focus on so it wasn’t nearly as bad. 

She popped in with the occasional comment. Carmen mentioned how she hated taking human life and Bella suggested she try animals. Eleazar said he’d always preferred cold and snow to the heat in Volterra, Bella suggested that he visit Alaska sometime. Carmen said it was hard to avoid drinking from humans in Volterra where everyone else was doing it, Bella suggested she stay with the Denalis to learn how to control the urge. Carmen mentioned not wanting to be away from Eleazar, Bella suggested he come too. The sisters didn’t need Jasper’s help to enthusiastically agree with this arrangement.

Eleazar mentioned Aro not being happy with their taking extended vacations and finding animal drinkers threatening, Bella suggested that he didn’t owe Aro anything. Jasper got the idea of what she was trying to do at that point and flooded everyone there with enough happiness and contentment to last a lifetime. Bella didn’t have to suggest anything else for Carmen to declare that she never wanted to leave and for Eleazar to start to discuss what the best way to leave the Volturi would be with Carlisle. 

Bella smiled and squeezed Jasper’s wrist again as a thank you. He looked at her with a mixture of confusion and affection that she supposed she’d earned. She caught sight of a familiar spectre hovering behind him and quietly excused herself to stand beside her. 

She waited until no one was looking and whispered, “It’s because of Eleazar that Aro got access to time travel. But now he’s leaving early, Aro never will.” 

Selena looked at her like she was saying something stupidly obvious, but Bella chose to see some affection in there too. She stayed with her until she faded away, then rejoined her family as they celebrated their new members.