Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Hi my name is Raven Willow Bryar, (but my real name is Jessica but nobody ever calls me that because it’s sounds like a name for prepz so all my friends call me Raven). I’m 15 years old and I love My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, and Panic1 at the Disco. I have long jet black hair kind of like Amy Lee, but with a big red streak over my long bangs that cover my emerald green eyes (my friends tell me they’re the same color as Billie Joe Armstrong’s). Today, I was wearing a black and purple corset top with black lace sleeves and and a black leather miniskirt with ripped black fishnets and black combat boots with spikes on the toes. My friends and I were going to an MCR concert today and I wanted to look like Tracy Philips in the Helena music video, so I put on some smoky red eyeshadow with lots of black eyeliner over my white foundation so I look like a beautiful corpse ballerina.

I was in the passenger seat of my friend Tara’s car, head-banging to Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance on the radio while Tara drove to the concert hall. She was wearing a black t-shirt with the album cover of Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge on it, a plaid red miniskirt with black lace at the hem, black socks that went up to her thighs, and red leather combat boots.

“How on earth is it possible for it to be snowing and raining at the same time?” Tara complained after taking a whiff of her cigarette. Then she started swearing about how the sleet was making the road slippery.

“OMFG gurl, who cares about some freak weather? I can’t believe your cousin got us backstage front row tickets and I get to see Gerard Way up close for the first time!” I said to Tara excitedly.

“Right! Maybe we’ll even get to see some Frerard action on stage!” Tara fangirled, then she complained about the stupid snow-rain again.

I squealed excitedly in response. Frank and Gerard were so hot! I couldn’t wait to see them on stage tonight!!1 Tara squealed back and then the chorus started playing.

“I AM NOT AFRAID TO KEEP ON LIVING! I AM NOT AFRAID WALK THIS WORLD ALONE!” we sang along dramatically as we moshed in our seats.

Suddenly, there was a loud blare of a car horn followed by the sound of tires screeching. It somehow drowned out the music I was blaring from Tara’s speakers. Then, a bright light came out of the corner of my window and the whole car shook! Next thing I know, the car was flipping and Tara was screaming bloody murder and there was blood and broken glass everywhere. I was completely upside down, still strapped into my chair... and that’s when everything went black.

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I could have sworn that I died but I guess I didn’t. That morning, I woke up in a strange room that kind of looked like a log cabin but smelled like honey, booze, and dead animal. It was weird because I thought I’d wake up in a hospital bed, but this one was wooden and had weird furs instead of a mattress. Maybe I was just having a weird comma dream. Or maybe I really was dead and it was the after life?!!

It made me disappointed for some reason because I hoped that the afterlife would look like The Black Parade. I looked down at my pale corseted body and there was surprisingly no blood or bruises anywhere. I started freaking out internally. I was gonna miss the MCR concert and Tara was nowhere to be found!

“OMFG!” I shooted internally and I started hyper-ventriloquating because I was panicking a lot.

Then... some geeky DnD cosplayer walked into the room (Not that I’m into that nerdy stuff, but I tried it once with my friends and I thought it was cool because I got to play a vampire necromancer who uses dark magic). Even though he was a nerd, he was tall and muscular like those football player preps at my high school. He was wearing a weird blue and gray toga with a messenger bag slung over his shoulder. He had beautifully pale skin, a chiseled face, and hair black as night that he wore in a dorky bowl cut with one braid framing each side of his face. His eyes were a clear, icy blue like limpid tears. He looked like a muscular, male version of Amy Lee, which made me super jealous because I wanted to look like her but my stupid relatives always tell me I look like Hillary Duff like it’s a compliment.

“You’re finally awake!” The hot nerd said dorkily. His voice sounded like that one hot character from that anime movie Spirited Away that my Otaku friend (A/N: Sakura-Chan, thats you XD) once showed me. I think his name was Haiku and he was a river spirit or something like that.

“Where the F@#% am I? Who the FCUK are you?!!!” I screamed at him and the nerd jumped back.

“S-sorry...” he muttered. “My name is Onmund. We’re in the Frozen Hearth Inn, in Winterhold.” The handsome nerd repleid.

“Winterhold?! Where is that?!”

“It’s northeast of the cave where my friend and I found you.”

“Cave? What cave?” I asked as I was freaking out.

“You really don’t remember?” Onion asked.

I shook my head.

“You were passed out on some kind of altar in a cave full of necromancers when my friend J’Zhargo found you and realized you were still alive. I couldn’t just leave you, so we rescued you.” Omanyte explained.

”Altar? Necromancers? And who the FCUK is D’Jango?! Are you talking about like LARPing or something? Because this isn’t funny I almost died! I was in a car crash and I can’t find Tara and I’m gonna miss the concert!” I snooped at the cosplayer.

What a jerk! How could he bring up his stupid nerd games and play make believe when I almost died and I can’t find Tara anywhere?! Did I somehow get dragged into some geeky convention when I should at the concert right now?!!1

He looked at me all confuseldy and tilted his head to the side like a puppy dog. If he wasn’t so cute I would be really angry but his icy blue Amy Lee eyes calmed me down.

“I-I’m sorry. You must have had a rough time and I was being insensitive. I should probably let you get some rest.” Omicron stuttered as he was turning paler than he already is, which made him look hotter even tho he turned paler because he was scared that I was angry at him. Then he started to leave the room.

“Onion, wait!” I interrupted him. I was gonna be all alone and I didn’t know where I was, so it was terrifying! If Oniond and his friend Embargo really did rescue me like he said, then they would be my only friends on this weird Winterfold place. Maybe he could help me find Tara and go home.

“I’m sorry. I only shouted at you because I was scared!” I said.

“I understand. I’d be scared too if I were you...” he said sexily. “By the way, I never got your name...”

“I’m Raven Willow” I respondeded sultrily.

“What a strange name... Sounds kind of Breton. Are you from High Rock, by any chance.” He asked.

“I like to get high and listen to rock if that’s what you mean,” I winked at him but he laughed awkwardly.

“Right... Well, Raven Willow, do you have any family here in Skyrim? Anyone we could send a message to?”

“No, I don’t even know where this Skyrim is...” I started to cry depressing tears of anguish. It downed to me that I was in a strange new place probably really far from home.

“OMFFG Onion! I’m all alone here!” I started sobbing sorrowfully.

He started awkwardly patting my back as I chocked on my tears. Then I pulled him into a tight hug because I didn’t know what else to do. He was warm and cold at the same time.

“Hey... It’ll be okay. I’ll try to help you, I promise...” he said nicely but awkwardly as I used his stupid toga to wipe my bitter tears.

“But I’m not okay! I promise!” I said sadly.

Chapter Text

I was sitting at a table with Onion who decided to treat me to dinner that night since I was hungry, broke and alone in a strange place and he felt bad for me, I guess. We had some watery soup with potatoes that tasted like water and a loaf of bread as hard as a rock. The food was terrible and it made me homestuck because I missed the taste of instant ramen and cereal.

I was still wearing my black corset with my black miniskirt and fishnets but with Omund’s black fur clock over my outfit (it was really cold out and he was nice enough to let me borrow it.) I was surprised he was a gentleman but I freaked out a little because maybe it was the nerd cosplayer equivalents to wearing your boyfriend’s sweater. Except it wasn’t a black MCR hoodie from a concert but a weird DnD cosplay cape instead. I suddenly remembered my BF Damian waiting for me back home. We met at a concert last year and it was love at first sight, like he was my dark soulmate. We were supposed to meet at the MCR concert that night and he must be worried sick about me. I cried because I thought about him, and my red eyeshadow got smeared by my tears so it looked like I was crying tears of blood.

“How odd. Since when did tavern wenches start coming to Winterhold?” A man with a rough voice said from the table next to mine, interrupting my desolate sobbing.

I looked in his direction and I gasped! He had grayish brown skin, pointy ears, red eyes, and silver hair in a mohwawk. He looked like a gothic version of Legolas from Lord of the Rings, even though he was also wearing a dorky blue wizard cosplay outfit similar to Onmund’s. His costume looked so convincing that I thought he could be a real elf!

“What did you just call me!” I barked at the handsome gothic legolass. I can’t believe he called me a tavern WRENCH! That’s like Shakespearean for a cheap b!tCh! I decided I don’t like him even though he looked kind of hot.

“Hmph!” The jerk elf cosplayer ignored me, which made me angrier but Onion comforted me so I stopped and sat back down. I stuck my middle finger with blood red nail polish up at the pointy eared nerd.

“Sorry about that, Raven. Please don’t mind Enthir. He can be a bit rash sometimes.” Onmund said nervously.

“WTF, you know that jerk?!” I shooted.

“We go to school together...” he repleid. “Now please, don’t make a big deal out of this. You don’t want to get on his bad side.”

He looked at me pleadingly with his limpid blue eyes, so I gave in because he was cute and I didn’t want his classmate to bully him anymore.

“So where exactly are we? Where’s Winterhold?Where is Skyrim?” I asked Onion. He looked at me like I was a mediocre dunce.

“You really don’t know? You must not be from around here. Skyrim is the northernmost province of Tamriel.”

“Tamriel? Is that a county in Europe?” I asked, trying to remember my geography class. I wished I paid more attention to those boring lectures.

“I’ve never heard of Europe...” Onmind repleid. “Tamriel is a continent...”

“But there are only 7 continents and Tamriel isn’t one of them! Don’t tell me we’re on another planet!” I said jokingly.

“We’re still in the planet Nirn on Mundus if that’s what you’re wondering about...”

“OMFG you’re crazy!” I yelled at him. He was either demented or he’s taking his LARP cosplay way too far. I had to get out of that place, so I ran out the door!

It was dark, freezing and blizzarding outside. There was 2 feet of snow on the ground and I shivered in my revealing black outfit. It looked like I was in a weird countryside of Alaska where all the houses were tiny log cabins except for a big castle at the horizontal. I don’t think there are any castles in Alaska tho, so maybe we were in Europe! Then I looked up at the sky and saw...

TWO FCUKING MOONS!!!1

Omg this must be a weird comma dream! There’s only supposed to be 1 moon, not 2! But one moon was huge and the other was smaller and they were laughing at me from the sky behind the aurora boarials.

I pinched myself to see if I could wake up but nothing happened. It was real! Could I really be in another planet,?! On another dimension?!

Chapter Text

I was crying outside in the blizzard when Onmind found me. He rapped a warm fur blanket around my shoulders because I was covered in snow.

“You can’t just go running off like that! The weather here could kill you!” He shouted calmly and I cried. But I wasn’t mad at him for shooting at me because I know he was probably just worried.

“I’m not supposed to be here! I don’t belong in this world! I want to go home!” I shooted back at him.

“Then you can’t just go storming out in a blizzard if you want to get home in one piece” he said.

I nodded and followed him back inside the inn where we sat by the fireplace. It would be romantic but that would be so wrong because that means I’d be cheating on Damian, and I would never betray my dark soulmate for a nerd I met on another planet.

“You must be terrified. I know how it’s like to be all alone in a strange place,” Onion patted my shoulder awkwardly to comfort me.

“No sh!t Sherlock!” I growled at him. He didn’t seem to understand what I mean because he stared at me like I was a ludacris fool.

“Don’t worry. I’ll see what I can do to help you find your way home,” he stared at me with those clear blue pools and I calmed down instantaneousily.

“But what If you cant do anything? I’m from another planet, maybe even another dimension! Unless you know some magic spell that could poof me back home!” I cried.

Onmind’s ears perked up when I mentioned magic spells. What a total nerd.

“Maybe I can’t do anything, but perhaps my professors can...” he said mysteriously.

“Don’t tell me you’re a wizard and you go to Hogwarts...” I sobbed sarcastically.

“Actually, I am.” He repleid serously. “Well, I’m just an apprentice, though. And I don’t know what Hogwarts is, but my professors at the College of Winterhold are some of the best mages in Skyrim. I’m sure one of them can help.”

“OMFG! You’re a wizard for real? Prove it.” I said. Maybe magic does actually exist in this dimension, but I wanted to make sure Onion wasn’t crazy or just messing with me.

“We need to be careful since the locals here don’t really approve of magic, but I don’t see anything wrong with showing you a harmless little spell...” he repleid hesitatingly.

He closed his hand in a fist and when he opened it, a glowing orb of light floated from the palm of his hand and above his head.

“Whoa...” I said and I poked the glowing orb on top of his head to make sure it was real. My hand went through the light and it felt cold even though it was really bright. “OMFG this is amazing!”

“Hey! No magic in the dining room!!!” The bartender shouted at us from behind his countertop.

Onmund apologized but I stuck my middle finger up at the bartender. What a prep. He reminded me of my stupid math teacher who was so strict about rules. Everyone in my class hated him except for the dumb preps.

“Ok. Your a wizard. I beleive you.” I said to onion. “But how can I know I can trust you? You can’t prove that you actually rescued me.” I said suspiciously.

He paused like he didn’t know what to say. Then he said “I don’t have any proof right now, so you’ll just have to trust me. But when we get to the college, my friend J’Zhargo can tell his side of the story. He was with me. If that’s not enough, then we can talk to the Khajiit caravan who helped us transport you here if they happen to pass by again.”

“Fine.” I said. “Tha-thanks.” I muttered because I was too embaraced to admit he was my hero.

I locked at him in his beautiful Amy Lee eyes and leaned in close like I was gonna kiss him. But when or lips were only 1 inch away, he pulled back quickly and awkwardly like he was embraced. Then he cleared his throat in a distracting way. It made me sad so I looked down and my jet black bangs covered my teary red eyes.

Chapter Text

Later that day, I followed Ominid to his school. I was shocked! That big castle at the edge of the cliff was the Collage of Centerfold that he was talking about. A tall woman wearing the same outfit as that Enthrir jerk from the inn was guarding the bridge to the collage.

She had golden skin and blond hair she wore in two high pigtails like a preppy cheerleader. She also had pointy ears, and I figured she was a real elf and not a cosplayer since magic is real on this world.
“Professor Faralda, it’s me!” Onion pulled down his beige hood to reveal his handsome face to the elf woman. “Did I miss anything important from yesterday’s lecture?”

“Ah, welcome back, Onmund.” Professor Frerarda said. She had a mild British accent. “You didn’t miss much, just a very important review on mastery over the chain lightning spell. But not to worry, Urag and J’Zhargo told me everything about your little... adventure. I hope you’ll take it as a learning experience.”

“Of course, I learned a lot! Like to be more careful around Urag’s books and not to trust any of J’Zhargo’s experiments...” Onion muttered under his breath.

“I’m glad to hear it.” Said prof Frerarda. “And who might this be?” She asked him while looking at me. It made me nervous.

“This is Raven Willow. J’Zhargo and I rescued her from the cave. Did he tell you anything about it?” Onmind replayed.

“Now that you mention it, I do recall him mention how you insisted on bringing a strange girl back to Winterhold.” Frerarda said and I scowled at her, mentally giving her the middle finger.

“I was hoping I could bring her with me to the College. She’s really far from home and needs our help. She says she’s not of this world so I thought maybe Professor Gane or Archmage Aren would know of a spell to send her back.” Onion said hopefully.

“This is a curious case, indeed.” She repleid. “It is clear that the College can offer your friend the help she needs, but I’m sure you understand our strict regulations when it comes to the College’s security. We can’t just let anyone in.” Frerarda glared at me accusingly and I was shocked.

“What can we do?” Onmund asked.

“Just like you once had, she would have to pass a test to prove her magical aptitude. Once she has proven that she is worthy of entering the college as an apprentice, then she may cross the bridge.” Frerarda explained, but it was confusing to me.

“Do you think you can take my test?” She asked me.

“I don’t know any magic...” I said.

“Then I’m afraid you’ll just have to learn. Otherwise, I cannot grant you access to the college. I suggest taking lessons with the court mages in the other cities, or you could purchase a spell tome and try practicing on your own.”

“How much for the spell time?” I asked and took some cash out of my pocket and showed Frerarda. “I only have 40 bucks...”

“I’m afraid I don’t recognize this currency.” She said.

I started to cry because I didn’t know what to do. The Onion pulled me aside and said “it’ll be okay. Maybe I can teach you magic so Faralda will let you inside.”

“But there’s not magic in my world! What if I can’t?”

“Well, there’s magic in this world, so I’m sure you can tap into it. Anyone can. It might be hard at first, like it was for me. It’s tougher for us Nords to channel magicka than elves or Bretons but I was able to do it with enough practice!” He said encouragingly.

“Ok, fine.” I said because I didn’t have another choice. I hope he Onminod was a good teacher.

Chapter Text

My name is Raven Willow and I’m 15 years old. I used to be a high school student who liked going to concerts and shopping at Hot Topic with my friends, and then I got in a car accident and woke up in another planet that has 2 moons, elves, neko people, and magic.

Now, I live in the Frozen Heart Inn because I wasn’t allowed inside the Collage of Winterhold. I also work there now as a maid because Onion is a broke college student who couldn’t afford to pay my rent for me, so the bartender Draugr said he would let me stay in my room for free if I helped him cook and clean.

I also earned money from tips by performing at the inn as a bird. I didn’t know how to play the lute but I could sing well. Sometimes I sang MCR, Evanescence and Good Charlotte songs to the customers and they liked it because it was different from the usual Medevil stuff they listened to. Onmund really liked it whenever I sang him “It’s Not A Fashion Statement, It’s a F@#%ing Deathwish” by My Chemical Romance (A/N: XD itz a really g00d song OMFG look it up!) because the lyrics reminded him of how his family disowned and osterizered him for liking magic.

Speaking of Onion, I’ve been taking magic lessons with him everyday, but we only made slow progress. Sometimes he would come with his friend D’Jango who’s a neko guy (OMFG he’s the most kawaii kitty person I’ve ever seen.) apparently they call neko people here Kajeet tho. I tried to pet D’Angelo once, but he yelled at me.

Today, I was wearing an all-black medivil style dress that I bought from Brian’s Oddments, the store across the street. It had a low neckline and corset laces in the front. It was ripped at the hem which went down to my ankles because women didn’t wear miniskirts in the olden days and I guess Skyrim is the same. Brian the shopkeeper called it mourning clothes when I bought them from her and she offered her condolencences to me, but I stuck my middle finger up at her. I didn’t have my usual makeup, so I used mashed snowberries to make red eyeshadow and lipstick and charcoal for my eyeliner. I was naturally pale anyway, so it was ok that I didn’t have my usual foundation.

Onmund and D’Angelo just arrived at the inn for my magic lessons. Apparently, D’Jango and Onion were both only 16 even though they’re already in collage. I guess shcool works different in Skyrim.

“Hi guys,” I said dejectedly.

“Hey Raven,” they replayed. They were wearing matching blue togas and hoods, which I learned was the uniform they wore at the collage.

I’ve been learning Destruction magic from them because it sounded hardcore and it was D’Jango’s favorite school of magic. But even thou we’ve been learning for a whole week, I could only make a tiny flame when I snap my fingers, kind of like a match you strike to incinerate (A/N: geddit? like the lyrics to Helena by MCR).

“F@#%! I’m never gonna learn this spell!” I compliant. It wouldn’t be enough to pass Frarada’s entrance exam so it made me melancholy, but Onion was still optimism about it.

“Don’t be sad, Raven. This means you could still use magic even though you’re from another world! You’ll learn it the whole spell soon enough!” He said.

That cheered me up a little but D’Jango just laughed at me so I stuck my middle finger up at him. He stuck his middle finger/claw back at me and we both laughed. Apparently that gesture wasn’t a thing in Skyrim, but when I told to D’Jango what it meant, he thought it was so funny and would start doing it to other rude preps too.

“But I’m not learning fast enough! How can I go home at this rate?” I said anguishingly.

“J’Zhargo suspects that Destruction magic may not be Raven’s strong suit,” D’Jango commented. His voice sounded like purring and he always spoke in the third person.

“Come on, J’Zhargo. Maybe she just needs more time...and practice. Lots of it.” Onion said.

“True. But maybe that one just needs to try other schools of magic. Perhaps Raven would have more luck practicing Conjuration with Brelyna.” J”Mango suggested.

“Who’s Barleyna?” I asked.

“One of our classmates. I’m sure we’ve mentioned her before,” Onion said. “She’s the smartest apprentice from our batch. I wouldn’t have passed my last exam if it wasn’t for her!”

“But I like learning destruction with you guys...” I said. “But if she’s as smart as you say, then maybe I can learn better from her...”

“Great! I’ll let her know then. We’ll come back for your magic lessons tomorrow and hopefully Brelyna can join us.”

“Yea, sure.” I said sarcastically to Onion. Even tho I was exited to get better at magic, I was kinda jealous because of the way he spoke about Barleyna... it sounded like he liked her.

“This is going to be wonderful, J’Zhargo. All of us practicing magic together... We might get a new classmate!“ Omanyte said excitedly.

“This one agrees. Maybe Raven can help J’Zhargo with his experiments” D’Jango purred and smiled devilishly but in a cute way.

Chapter Text

D’Jango didn’t meet me outside the inn for my magic lessons today. Instead, Onmind came with Barleyna Marlon, who must be the Hermione Granger of their group because she’s supposed to be really smart. I guess that would make Onmunind the Ron of the group, which would leave D’Jango as Harry. Even though they were nothing alike.

Onmund said that Barleyna could help me learn Conjugation magic. She was an elf, so she had pointy ears. She had bluish gray skin and red eyes like a vampire which made me super jealous because I had to wear contact lenses to make my eyes look red. She was wearing the same blue uniform and beige hood as Onion but her belt was cinched tighter which highlighted her sexy hourglass figure. She was pretty for an elf, which made me a bit jealous because I think Onion has a crush on her.

It was freezing outside like always in Winterhold, so I was wearing the black fur clock I adopted from Omnimund over some black mage robes with a skull print in the front that I bought from Brian’s Oddments the other day. The robes were enchanted and Onion said it could help me cast spells easier. I kept the black mage robes open, revealing my low-cut black medevil dress and black fishnets that I wore underneath. Today, I used smeared charcoal all over my eyes for a dark eyeshadow look.

“It’s nice to meet you. Onmund and J’Zhargo told me you were interested in Conjuration magic, and I thought it would be nice if we could learn about it together.” Brenana Melon said to me.

I wanted to scowl and stick my middle finger up at her because she was such a prep, but Onmind was smiling dorkily at me so I acted nice to her, because I didn’t want to make him upset.

“How about we start with something simple?” Brenana said as she lifted a spell textbook out of her bag. It was dark purple with weird symbol in the middle that reminded me of a portal.

“The Conjure Familiar spell is considered one of the easiest in the school of Conjuration...” Brelynana explained but I yawned. She rambled on but I wasn’t paying attention.

“Did you get that?” She asked.

“What’s a familiar again?” I repleid.

“Think of it like a spirit animal...” she said.

So I imagined a dark wolf with jet black fur howling in the night, because Tara said that a wolf would totally be my spirit animal. Even though I always thought pizza was my spirit animal. And then... I read the spell out loud from the Barleyna’s book. Next thing I know, I had a purple light in my hand. I chucked it into a spot on the ground like Brylana told me and then a big purple spherical portal opened!

It disappeared and in its place it was replaced by a glowing purple wolf ghost howling at the moons. I did it! I conjugated my spirit animal!

I was so exited about my success that I suddenly hugged Onion, but he awkwardly pushed me away. It made me sad, but I was still happy because maybe I could pass Frerarda’s exam!

“You learned it so fast! It looks like you have a talent for Conjuration, after all. This is great!” Brenana looked as exited as me.

Since one spell wasn’t gonna be enough to pass the entrance exam, Brenana took out more books and taught me more spells. I learned how to summon a fire Artronich and a bonded sword within the next hour. Brenana was really happy because she wanted me to be her study buddy because conjugation was her favorite subject. However... I didn’t know how to use my bonded sword even though Brenana said I could summon it well.

“Maybe I could teach you how to give it a few swings. I learned a lot about sword fighting growing up. It’s kind of a Nord thing...” Onion volunteered. OMFG. My heart butterflied at the thought of it.

“I’m sorry, Damian, my gothic prince, but I’m a whole other dimension away and Onmind has eyes like Amy Lee.” I thought inside my head.

“That’s a great idea, Onmund! I don’t know anything about sword fighting and it would be helpful if Raven could put the spell into good use.” Brenana said and I noticed Onion smile wider at her.

My heart wrenched with venom and jealousy at her, which made me feel guilty because I actually liked Brenana as a friend. I didn’t want to hate her, but my heart tells me otherwise.

Chapter Text

The next morning I was at the bridge to the Collage of Winterhold where Frarada was waiting for me to take my test.

“The other apprentices tell me that you’ve been working hard at honing your craft. Are you prepared to back up their claims?” She asked pretentiousily.

“Hell yeah!” I replayed.

“Our friend Brelyna says you have a penchant for the school of Conjuration. A flame atronach is a vital companion for any conjurer seeking to defend herself in the harsh lands of Skyrim. If you can summon a flame atronach at the sigil, then I shall grant you entry to the College.” Frerarda explained as she pointed to a circle tile on the floor with the illerminati eye on it.

“Pfff Easy,” I scoofed. Then I conjugated a fire artronarch next to her. Her eyes turned wide in shocking!

“Well done,” Frarada said. “And to think that you’ve learned such a spell in a short period of time when you’ve never even heard of magic a week ago. You’ve proven yourself a worthy addition to the College. Welcome, apprentice.” She smiled at me proudly.

I followed Frerarda across the run down bridge as she lit up some magical light things and explained some stuff about the collage that I was only half paying attention to. Then we got inside the collage where there was a big statue of a mage who’s robes were dramatically billowing in the wind.

“Raven, this is Mirabelle Ervine, our Master Wizard. She will give you a tour of the campus and you can address any inquiries you have to her.” Frarada introduced me to a short woman wearing the same wizard clothes as her. She had brown hair in a short bob-cut and a strict face, but it wasn’t as scary because we were the same height.

“Ah, so you’re the one the other apprentices have been talking about. Welcome to the College, Raven Willow. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Miracle Irwin said frowningly.

“Good things, I hope?” I said confidentially.

“Sure.” Miracle Whip repleid.

Then she took me on a tour of the collage and

showed me the Hall of Elements which is like the common room or classroom, even though it was mostly empty. There were some other mages in there casting spells against the stone walls but they were all standoffish and ignored me. Then she showed me the library which she called the Arcaneum.

Apparently the liberarian is supposed to be this grumpy orc guy so I should be careful around the books. I remember Onion and D’Jango once told me about him. He forced them to delve into the necromancer cave to retraive a rare book for him to replace the books that they accidentally destroyed when Onion spilled a drink on a book he borrowed and D’Jango accidentally set fire to a book while experimenting with his spells. Plot twist: it was the same exact cave where they found me and rescued me! OMFG!

And then Miracle Irwin showed me my dorm in the Hall of Attunement. The room was made of stones with a bed in the middle. It was already decorated with herbs and animal parts, but there were REAL SKULLS in there too which was awesome but kinda scary at the same time.

Onion walked into my room. “Hi Raven!” He greeted me dorkily. “You finally made it into the College!”

My bloody emo heart skipped a beat when I saw him. Then suddenly, he awkwardly hugged me out of exitment!

“I’m so happy for you!” He said. “We’re one step closer to finding your way back home!”

I was really happy too but my heart sank like an anchor in dark murky waters when the words he said hit me like a freight train. Even though I was homestuck and missed my friends and my goth BF, internet, running water, electricity, and instant ramen... I kinda liked Winterhold. I liked magic and I liked my new friends Barleyna and D’Jango. And I finally realized that I really liked Onion. I creid in his arms.

Chapter Text

I woke up at my dorm at the Hall of Attunetemt and it was already daytime. Miracle Irwin said it was ok if I didn’t wear the regular apprentice uniform with the blue toga so I went to Brian’s store last night and traded them for a set of plain black mage robes with a black hood and sum makeup which apparently exists in Skyrim!

I let my long Raven black hair down so it fell on my shoulders but you could still see it flowing out of the hood and I put my black leather corset over the robes and laced it tight so I looked like a dark witch. I used some purple war paint as eyeshadow and lipstick ,and I put on tons of black war paint around my eyes like eyeliner and my black combat boots.

Then I went to the Hall of Elementals with Onion to find Proof. Auriel Game who could help me go back to earth. But instead we only found an old man with long white hair and beard. He kinda looked like Dumbleedore from the Harry Potter movies, but he was taller and wearing Winterhold robes instead of Hogwarts robes and his beard wasn’t that long.

“Ah, this must be the new apprentice Faralda and Mirabelle have told me about. I am Tolfdir, the Alteration Master here.” The old man said.

“Yeah. And I’m Raven Willow and I’m a conjurator.” I introduced myself melancholically.

“Another conjurer at the College? How wonderful! I’m sure our Conjuration Master, Phinis Gestor, will look forward to working with you.” Tolkien repleid.

“Actually, Master Tolfdir, we’re looking for Professor Gane. I was hoping he could help us with something.” Onion chimed in.

“Why, haven’t you heard? I’m afraid Arniel has gone missing. Nobody has seen him over the past three days.” Tolkien responsed surprisingly.

“He what?” Onmind explained.

“The other senior wizards have been searching for him, but we couldn’t find a trace. When we checked his room to see what happened, it looked as if he just suddenly disappeared without a trace!” Tolldor said.

“You’re telling us he just vanished out of thin air?” Onion said.

“The Archmage suspects that he might have opened a passage to Oblivion or some other higher realm.” Tolkien nodded solemly. “I’m not one for rumors, but there has been talk about Arniel conducting research of a clandestine nature these past few months. There’s a chance he might have succeeded in whatever it was he wanted to achieve.”

“OMFG!” I creid. “Now I’ll never get to go home!” I started sobbing even thou I was kinda happy at the same time because it means I get to stay in Skyrim with Onminid. But still, I thought of my friends and my favorite bands and technology and all the stuff I was gonna miss.

“That’s... unfortunate.” Onion said sadly. Then he patted his hand on my shoulder awkwardly and platonically. “Don’t cry, Raven. I’m sure there’s still hope...”

Then he looked at Tolkien and said “Master Tolfdir, do you think the Archmage can help us?”

“Well, it depends. As you can imagine, the Archmage is a very busy mer. What’s so important that you’d require his attention? Is there anything I can do in the meantime?” Tolldor replayed.

“How do I explain this...” Onmind began.

Then together, we told Tolkien about how I’m from a different universe where there’s no magic and only one moon and modern technology. We told him about how I ended up in a necromancy cave after I died in a car accident on my way to the MCR concert. Then I had to explain what a car was. He didn’t seem to think we were crazy tho. He just nodded and listened while striking his long beard.

“I see. While inter-dimensional travel isn’t unheard of in Tamriel, your case seems to be a unique phenomenon. I’ll speak to the Archmage about this later when his busy schedule allows. Perhaps Phinis could help as well with his knowledge of the higher planes, so I’ll make sure have a word with him.” The old wizard said.

“Thank you so much, Master Tolfdir! This means a lot to Raven and me!” Onion said exitedly while he did a forearm handshake with Master Tolkien. I blushed when he said my name.

“In the meantime, may I suggest a visit to the Arcaneum to aid in your quest? I think Urag might have some tomes stashed away that could enlighten you on this subject.” Tolldor suggested.

Onion gulped audible at the mention of the librarian’s name like he was scared. Then he thanked Tolldor again before he grabbed my black fishnet covered wrist and pulled me along to led me to the Arcananaum for our research. I blushed.

Chapter Text

When we left the Arcananaum, Onmund looked rlly derpressed because we couldn’t find any books that could help us. We sat in the corner of the dining hall upstairs in the Hall of Attention and ate all the sweettrolls because Onion eats when he’s stress (kinda like L from Death Note, who’s a major fckuking hottie because he looks like Gerard Way.)

“I’m sorry, Raven.” He told me dejectingly as he stuffed another sweatroll into his face. “I tried my best, but it looks like we just have to wait for the Archmage or Master Gestor to get back to us about it.”

“It’s ok, Onion. It’s not ur fault.” I said. I didn’t wanna see him cry, even tho he was handsome when he cried.

“What’s the matter, Onmund?” Someone said condescending. I looked up and it was...

ENTHRIR! THAT FRUKING PREP FROM THE INN WHO CALLED ME A TAVERN WRENCH!

”What do you want, Enthir?” Onminid looked even sadder when he saw him and he looked amgery at the same time.

“Don’t tell me you’re still upset about that amulet of yours. I already told you, all sales are final!” The basterd elf spat at Onion.

“F@CK OFF, ENTHRIR! You fckucking PREP!” I yelled at him as I stuck up my middle finger at him.

“Hey, aren’t you that bar wench from The Frozen Hearth?” He asked and it made me really angry, so I summoned a fire artronarch between us. My artronarch looked like a sexy demon lady made of floating coals, black as ebony, and enveloped in red hot flames of rage. It had long black claws that were covered in fire.

“Raven, don’t—“ Onmund shooted.

“Don’t mess with me Enterir!” I threatened. “Arthronarch, use fire bolt!!!1” I shooted.

My flame artronarch chucked a flaming ball of fire in his direction but it missed and hit the stone wall instead. It landed inches away from a short woman’s face.

“What in Oblivion is going on here?” A stern voice yelled at us. It was... Miracle Irwin!!!

“Oh sh1t!” I crused.

xXx666xXx

Miracle Irwin made me, Onmund, and Enthrir follow her to her office. She was glaring at us like we were a bunch of ludacris fools. She stared at me first.

“What were you thinking, Raven?” She said sternly. “The College allows its students freedom to experiment with magic within its grounds, but I thought I’ve made it clear that using magic to deliberately harm another student is strictly forbidden here!”

“It was Enthrir’s fault! He made me do it!” I said defensively.

“Yeah, right. You’re the one who cast the first spell.” Enthrir said venomously and I stuck my middle finger up at him again.

“Silence, both of you!” Miracle shooted. “Enthir, is this true?”

“You saw it, didn’t you? I never lifted a finger to cast a spell against her. I was just talking and she lost her temper, then she summoned her atronach against me.” The basterd elf said angelically.

Miracle didn’t say anything but she nodded and asked Onmind for his side of the story. I looked at Onmund hopefully and put my hand on his hand, but he pulled it away.

“I... It’s true.” Onion said. “Raven cast the first spell, but it was only because Enthir said something that made her upset.”

OMFG he was defending me! I blushed, but Enthrir was glaring and Onmund, who shrank down into his seat.

“Raven, what do you have to say about this?” Miracle glared at me again.

“Enthrir deserved it. He was being a fckucking prep and he was bullying Onion!” I said.

Miracle sighed and massaged her head. “Very well. Onmund, Enthir, you may return to your rooms.” She said.

Onmund and Enthrir left, but Onmund looked at me worriedly before going. I was gonna get up but Miracle said something.

“Raven,” she said. “I understand you had... noble intentions, but the College does not condone deliberate violence and harm against your fellow mages. Do you understand?”

I crossed my arms at her.

“You still cast a spell with the intention of hurting Enthir, so I’m afraid you’ll have to be suspended from the College until further notice.” She explained strixly.

“Suspended?!!” I gasped! “OMFG this can’t be happeneing!!”

“Well, if you wish to clear your name and maintain good standing with the College, there is another way,” Miracle mentioned mysteriously.

“I’m listening...” I said interestingly and I noticed Onion peek into the door.

Miracle took some paprerwork and a quill out from her desk and she started scribbling as she spoken.

“Go to the Arcaneum and speak with the loremaster, Urag gro-Shub. He’ll give you a task to complete. You’ll likely need to assist him on his latest project on Shalidor’s works.” She handed me the paperwork magically.

“Once you’ve successfully completed your task and Urag has signed off on this document, I can clear your name and you can continue your studies at the College. Do I make myself clear?” Miracle lectured.

“Yes ma’am.” I grumbled as I slouched into my chair rebelliously.

Chapter Text

I back to the Arcananam with Onmind as soon as I could. He was nervous because the libarian scares him and I was scared because I was gonna be suspended if I fail my task.

There was an old orc man sitting behind a big desk in the center of the room. He had dark green skin and a long white beard. He was wearing orangey brown mage robes and he had fangz that came out of his jaw. I started at him for a long time becauE I still wasn’t used to seeing Orcs. It was Urgog Go-Scrub the liberarian, or the lure-master as the other mages call him.

“You two again? Back so soon, eh.“ Urgog said grumpily.
“Master Irwin said I need to show you this,” I said to him as I handed him the paperwork that Miracle gave me.

“Let me see that,” Urgog grumbled impatiently and opened Mriacle’s letter. “Another troublemaker, just as I thought.” He said to himself.

Onmund scratched his neck shyly in repose.

“So what do I need to do?” I whined.

“Have you ever heard of Shalidor?” He asked.

I shook my head no.

“Immensely powerful mage, back in the First Era. Had an understanding of magic few have ever matched. He holed himself up in Labyrinthian, and devoted all of his time to research and study. Wrote more than you would imagine possible.” Urgog rambled.

Onmind’s eyes widened in interest and he listened but I yawned. What a nerd.

“Since then, his writing have been scattered all over Skyrim, but are little use to anyone who can't translate them. I'm one of the few who can. I've heard whispers of more of his work having turned up. If you can track it down, it may prove useful to all of us." Urgog continued.

“Where do I find them?” I said impertinently.

“My leads tell me some mages holed up in the ruins of Ansilvund got their hands on it a while back. It’s an ancient Nord tomb in the Rift, way southeast of here. It should be halfway between Windhelm and Riften, if I’m not mistaken. ” The orc explained.

Onion frowned when he said it was a tomb.

“You’ll need to be careful though. Rumor has it that some necromancers took over the place. Dangerous, no doubt.” Urgog warned and Onion looked horrified. “I’ll sign off on Mirabelle’s document once you’ve returned with the artifacts.” Urgog said.

“Ok” I said. And then me and onion walked out of the arcananaum.

“Of course it’s another ancient Nord tomb! Infested with necromancers, too. It’s scum like them that give us mages a bad name in Skyrim.” Onion complained.

“Where’s the Rift?” I asked him.

Onmind took out a map of Skyrim from his pocket and pointed at a mark in the corner.

“This city here is Riften, capital of the Rift. I think Ansilvund should be around here.” He pointed at another spot higher up.

“You’re not planning on going alone, are you? Urag says it’s dangerous. J’Zhargo and I dealt with necromancers before and they’re no joke. Plus, the way to the Rift is dangerous itself. I’ve heard that bears would wander in the roads this time of year.” Onmind said worriedly. I was touched.

“Are you coming with me?” I asked him and looked into his limpid blue eyes as I took his hand.

He pulled it away quickly.

“I’m sorry, but I’ve had my fair share of adventure. I was going to suggest we ask J’Zhargo to come with you. He’s better at this kind of thing. Maybe even stop by Windhelm to hire a sellsword for backup.” He said.

Tears were welling in my eyes. “Oh.”

“I’ll make sure to help you prepare for the trip. You want to make sure you have enough food while traveling. Winterhold is awful cold this time of year...” he said awkwardly.

“Ok.” I said sadly and I followed him outside into the courtyard.

Suddenly, there was a load roaring noise from the sky and a dargon swooped down over the courtyard! Everyone screamed!

“By Ysmir, the rumors were true!” Onmund exclaimed as he turned pale.

“OMFFG! DARGONS EXIST IN THIS WORLD!!!” I shooted.

Chapter Text

OMFG. Dragons exist in Skyrim! Who knew? I was hyper-ventriloquating because the big gray dargon just landed in the courtyard and perched on the wall like an eagle. It breathed fire so I was hiding behind a pillar with Onmind.

“DARGONS EXIST IN SKYRIM??!!” I freaked out.

“Oh, trust me. It’s as much as a shocker for all of us as it is for you,” Onion said breathing heavily.

“What do you mean?” I shouted at him because the dargon was roaring loudly in the background.

“The dragons supposedly died off ages ago! I’ve heard rumors coming all the way from Whiterun about their return... I wasn’t expecting any of it to be true” he replayed.

“YOL TOR SHUUL!” THe dargon shooted and flames came out of his mouth.

Some senior wizards came out to the courtyard and stared shooting fire and litening at the dragon. The Archimagus Savor Armin was there too! I saw Frarada was shooting fire at it and a couple other elves doing the same. The dragon screamed in pain.

“This one thinks we should help too!“ D’Jango came with Brenana and dragged me and Onmind away from our hiding spot.

The dragon looked in our direction.

“OMFG!” I shouted and the dragon shouted back at me “YOL TOR SHUUL!” And it breathed fire!

Luckily, Tolkien came and he put up a force field spell in front of me. “Stand back! Get ready to defend yourselves!” He warned.

I wasn’t good at Distraction spells, so I summoned my Fire Artronarch. Brenana summoned her Ice Artronarch, which looked like a giant walking icicle but bigger and bulkier, and she hid behind a pillar after.

Barleyna’s Artronarch started punching the dragon in the face while D’Jango and Onion were shooting small lighting bolts at the dragon’s wings. My artronarch threw flaming balls of Fire at it. Before Brenana’s artronarch can punch it again, it flew to the air.

But then, Frarada, Archimagus Armin, some other senpai, and one of another Proffesor’s Strom Artronarch shot lightening at it all at the same time! Then the dargon roared in pain and fell out of the sky. It fell into the big ravine below the Collage and landed with a giant thud so it was probably dead.

“So the rumors were true. The dragons really have returned...” Tolldor said quietly.

“That means Farengar wasn’t crazy when he wrote us those letters,” Miracle grumbled and started pacing around. “Great, I bet the Jarl is going to find some way to blame the college on its sudden appearance. Like they didn’t hate us enough as it is.”

“What matters right now is that the dragon is dead and nobody got hurt... or at least nobody got killed,” Frarada told her.

“Gods, as if I didn’t have enough to deal with.” Miracle compliant in respond. “Colette, go see if anyone got injured and tend to their wounds. Faralda and I will investigate and make sure that beast stays dead.” Miracle said to one of the other professors with the annoying voice.

And then she tuned to me and the other apprentices. “Everyone, you should head back inside. And good work today.”

We all headed back inside the hall of Attunetemt. J”Mango was still exited from the battle and Brenana looked like she was meditating to calm herself down. I went into my bedroom alone and sulked in the wall. OMFG, I can’t believe dragons were real. I was so shook! I started creying because I was so shocked. Onion must have heard my desolate sobbing because he knocked at my door and peeked into my room.

“Raven, are you okay?” He asked.

“No! IM NOT O-Fchucking-KAY!” (Geddit, like the MCR song) I yelled at him. “You never told me DARGONS are real!!”

“I know this must be a lot for you to handle right now...” he tried to comfort me by awkwardly doing the platonic back patting and it kinda worked.

“No SH1t it’s a lot! I got used to the magic and the two moons and the lack of electricity and internet and running water! But dragons?!” I was yelling at him at the top of my lungs. I was so angry that my heart was racing and my face was red instead of white.

I wasn’t angry at him tho. I was angry at the world! I thought my world was messed up, but Tamriel was a much more messed up place! That was when I realized that The World is Ugly (A/N geddit? it’s another MCR song.)

I started pounding my fists at his chest weakly because I was so upset, but then he grabbed one of my rists and said “Raven...” calmly.

I locked into his icy blue eyes and I wanted to punch him in the face like Brenana’s artronarch did to the dragon. But my heart was still pounding with the ardrenalen rush from fighting earlier. He opened his lips to speak but before he could...

I kissed him!

Chapter Text

I was so shocked! I suddenly kissed Onmind because of my ardrenalen rush from fighting the dragon earlier and almost died. But this time, he didn’t push me away or pull back. He didn’t say sorry or awkwardly and platonically pat me in the back like we were just friends. He actually kissed me back! OMFFG!

I put my arms around his neck and kissed him passionately against the wall in my room. He put his hands around my waste, but I helped him put them against the corset lace things on my back so he could loosen them. Then we started making out even tho he was really bad and awkward at it, but I didn’t care. He ran his fingers down my long raven black hair passionately and I robbed my body against him. I wanted him to put his thing into my you know what so we could do it for the first time. But then he let me go and pulled away fro a second to breathe. But then he looked terrified.

“By Dibella, what have I done?” He asked himself. His blue eyes were full of fear and regret.

“What’s wrong?” I said.

“I... I’m so sorry, Raven. I shouldn’t have done that. What in Oblivion was I thinking?” He facepalmed himself and gently pushed me an armslength away.

F@#%! I was so amgery!!! There was the usual Onion I know! Always apologizing, always saying sorry and patting me in the back awkwardly like I’m just a friend! I thot I got out off the frendzon but I was wrong! I started to cry and my eyeliner ran down my cheeks like shadowy black rivers of despair.

“WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU, ONMIND?!” I shooted at him. “You think you can just play with my felings like that, you basterd! You fcking prep!!!”

“Raven, wait. That’s not what I wanted to—“ he pleaded and put his hand on my shoulder like a friend.

“FCUK OFF!!!1” I yelled really loudly at him. And then I stomped out of my room while crying bitter tears of anguish.

I saw Enthrir and Nirna staring at me along with some other preppy high elfs, so I stuck my middle finger up at them. And then I continued crying and ran up the spiral stairs and into the rooftop crying.

I sat in a corner in the rooftop and sobbed. It was freezing up there but I didn’t care. My heart was already cold anyway because of what stupid Onion did. And then I heard footsteps. I locked up and it was Barleyna.

“Raven...” she spoke concernedly. “Are you alright? What happened?”

“OMFG BARLEYNA! I just wanna be alone!” I shooted emotionally. But Brenana just sat next to me and gave me her handkerchief which I used to wipe my black stained tears.

“Onmund didn’t mean to hurt you, you know. He can be a bit dense sometimes... especially around women.” She said. I scoofed at it.

“He’s such a stupid basterd, Barleyna. I don’t know what I ever saw in him,” I cried.

Brenana put her arm around my shoulder and comforted me.

“Come on, we shouldn’t be up here. We’ll freeze to death!” She said gently. “Would you rather talk about it inside?”

I nodded in between my sobbing and followed her back into the hall of Attunetemt where we hung out in her room. I just really wanted to eat a tub of ice cream and listen to some sad songs like MCR or evansence but ipods and ice cream didn’t exist in Tamriel. Instead of ice cream, Barleyna brought some sweetrolls from the dining hall, but it made sadder because those were Onmind’s favorite. I ate them anyway as I complained to Brenana all night.

Chapter Text

Instead of asking Onmind or D’Jango to come with me to my trip to Anslevnund, I asked Barleyna instead. She was a good friend to me and fcking Onion broke my heart, so I didn’t want to see his stupid preppy face. Plus D’Jango was busy with his exparaments, but he give me some fire scrolls to test on sum zombies before I left. I thanked D’Jango, packed my bags, and left with Barleyna without saying goodbye to Onmind after.

Me and Brenana spent a lot of time studying conjugation during the trip and she thought me how to summon a frost artronarch like hers! I also know how to raise zombies now because I red a book about it with Barleyna’s help. But I never summoned a zombie before. Barleyna said I should be careful tho because people in Skyrim are sacred of narcromances. Even tho it was technically legal in the Collage of Winterhold. They think it’s dark magic or something.

We had to camp out during the night which was horrible because it was freezing, but Brenana let me borrow one of her enchanted rings of resist frost which made the whether more toleratable. I was only wearing one fur clock (made of black wolf pelts, which is also my spirit animal) over my black mage robes with the skull print so the cold was unbarable without Barleyna’s magic julery. It was a sliver amethyst ring, which was purple. I wasn’t wearing my black corset this time. Instead, I used sum black leader strips as a belt to make my mage robes more form fitting like a modern style dress. I also used a thinner black leader strips as a chocker around my neck.

After two day’s worth of travel on foot, Barleyna and I arrived outside of Windhelm. We were gunna stay there for a night to find an inn and get sum food. It took us a long time because there were no carriages in Winterhold when we left, which was really annoying but that’s ok. I got to spend the road trip bonding with Barleyna, my gf (not in that way!)

We entered the gates and some smelly middle aged men were staring at us. It was creepy and Barleyna looked uncomfortably. They locked at us judgemantally. It was cold and windy inside the city.

“By Talos, not another one of those damn gray-skins...” one of the smelly old men commented racistly while staring at Brenana.

“And a mage too, I don’t like the looks of that one.” One of the others replayed.

“That little Breton she’s with seems off, too. Those garments... you think she might be a necromancer?” Said another drunken creep. I think he was talking about me because I was dressed all gothic, so I stuck my middle finger up at him.

Barleyna scowled at them quietly but didn’t say anything and she just backed away and headed towards a small passage.

“What’s a gray skin?” I whispered to her.

“It’s an insult that some of these narrow minded Nords call us Dunmer. I guess I haven’t really told you, but my kind aren’t exactly welcome here in Windhelm.” Barleyna answered quietly and bergrudgingly. I can tell she’s upset. It made me mad too because she’s my friend.

“WTF did you just call her?!” I shooted at the smelly old drunks.

“A filthy gray-skin. What about it, little girl?” He said rudely to me.

“Raven, don’t. It’s not worth it. Let’s just go to the Gray Quarter before—“ Brenana tugged on my robes gently while trying to steer me away from the old guys.

“You @ssh0les! FCUK YOU!!!” I yelled and stuck my middle finger up at them.

But then, one of the creeps grabbed me by the wrists violently and I screamed! I was so scared. I just realized he was bigger and stronger than me and that yelling at scary men might have been a bad idea. I wanted Onmind to come save me like he did when I was at the narcromancer cave, but I left him at Winterhold. I regretted it and started to cri

“Raven!” Brenana called out to me. She tried to call one of the guards, but they ignored her. Maybe because she was a Dark elf. She lifted her hands to cast a spell but hesitated because a guard was staring at her terrifyingly. I remembered Onmind saying that most Nords hated magic and was terrified of it!

I started kicking violently when the men tried to grapple me but one of them got me in a forearm lock. And then I saw one of the other men try to grab Barleyna! She shrieked and didn’t hesitate to cast litening spell at him.

The man got socked because he was electrocuted and Barleyna ducked and got away from his grasp! Then she shocked the man who was grabbing me and I sneaked out of his grasp too! Then we each summoned our frost artronarchs, which scared them off. But then the guards came running after us instead of the creeps!

We ran away from the guards and the big hulking frost artronarchs followed us, shaking the ground with their giant steps.

“Stop right there!” One of the guards shooted.

He was catching up to us but my forst Artronarch punched the ground with it’s giant icicle fist and the guard stagereded. And then me and Barleyna were able to reach the city gates. The artronarchs distracted the guards and was fighting them, so Brenana and I were able to slip past the gates. And then we ran into the woods in the mountains and away from the city. We were both so scared that I couldn’t stop shaking and had an ardrenalen rush. And then I realized...

“OMFG Barleyna!” I said. “I think we’re lost!”

Chapter Text

Barleyna and I spent another night in the wliderness, so it was cold again. Luckily, we didn’t stay lost for a long time because Barleyna knew the clearvoyance spell, and she used it to find the nearest road. We followed Barleyna’s glowing trail the next morning and found... the ruins of Arnselvnund! OMFG finally.

The rift wasn’t as scary as Onmind said. Barleyna and I were lucky and didn’t bump into any bears or DARGONS on the way there. Also it wasn’t as cold as Winterhelm because it’s

autumn all the time for some reason.

Barleyna and I went inside the ruins and found an excavation site with rocks everywhere and a campfire. Then I was shocked! There were dead bodies everywhere! Some were mummified and some were still fresh and covered in blood. They were scattered everywhere and the smell made me literally throw up. Barleyna comforted me. And then I noticed a lot of the dead bodies were dressed like me.

“By Azura, it looks like someone already got here before we did. Be careful, Raven. We don’t know what we’re dealing with.” She said.

We each summoned our flame artronarchs before going deeper into the ruins. We were careful not to set off any tarps because Barleyna said the ruins could be full of them. Going down the passageways, I saw dead zombies everywhere. They smelled terrible. Luckily, nothing tried to attack us.

When we reached a dead end, I heard voices and Barleyna hushed me. We hid behind a rock and kept our artronarchs behind us.

“Have you tried snake, whale, hawk, snake?” It was the voice of a young man. He sounded exited and full of energy and it reminded me of Onion’s voice, which made me melancholy.

“For the last time, Erik, We can’t just try random combinations to see if it works! I was bedridden for three whole days last time I got hit by a poison arrow from one of those traps!” Another young male voice exasperatedly repleid. “There has to be a hint somewhere in this room... there always is.”

“Why don’t you try looking in this book we found? It worked last time with Yngol Barrow” the one named Erik suggested.

“Great, more riddles.” His friend grumbled.

I peeked from behind the rock to look at their faces and OMFG. They were both handsom. Erik was tall and had long red hair that flowed down to his shoulders with a little braid on one side and wore heavy steal armor with swirly patterns and brown fur short sleeves on it. He had matching steal boots and gauntlets too. He had bright brown eyes that you can get lost in and a short beard which made him look like a manly Viking. He carried a big sword in his back.

Erik’s friend was shorter than him, probably almost as short as me. He reminded me of Enthrir, but a little taller and less preppy. It was like he was a sexy gothic version of Enthrir. He had light caramel brown skin and small pointy ears. He had big eyes like an elf but they were hazel green like a deep forest. He had long wavy chesnut brown hair that fell below his shoulders and he had a braid on each side of his face kinda like Onmind did. He was wearing all black matching armor, the color of Enoby. It was shiny even tho it had specks of blood on it in some places. And he had a black enoby bow strapped to his back with a shiver full of black enoby arrows. He was wearing a black fur clock made of wolf fur kinda like mine.

“OMFG!” I swooned.

“Raven—“ Branana shushed me.

“Who’s there?” the Enoby clad hottie called out and aimed his enoby bow in our direction. Then my artronarch noticed and chucked at flaming all of fire at him! I was terrified! But he dodged. And then Erik unsheathed his big, long, steal greatsword. Then he stared at me!

“I think it’s another necromancer, Errenir! We might have missed one of them!” Erik shooted at his friend.

“Ugh, seriously?” Erik’s friend, who’s name was Error grumbled. “I got this..” he sighed annoyedly.

And then he looked at me and shouted “YOL TOR SHUUL!” Like a dragon and OMFG he breathed fire!!!

Chapter Text

“OMFG WTF IS RONG WITH YOU!!! IM NOT A NARCROMANCRE!!!” I shooted at Error who just breathed fire at me like a dragon.

But thankfully, me and Brenana’s artronarchs blocked the way and absorbed most of the damage, and we used our ward spells that Tolldor taught is to protect ourselves. Also apparently Brenana is immune to fire because she’s a Dunmer.

“Look, it’s an honest mistake. In my defense, you’re dressed exactly like every other necromancer I’ve come across in Skyrim! How am I supposed to know the difference?” The enoby clad hottie said defensively.

“Unapologetic basterd!!!” I yelled at him and I stuck my middle finger up at him. My flame atronach stuck her flaming middle finger up at him too.

“By Dibella’s left tit, if I only we were outside right now, I’d shout her off a cliff...” he muttered to himeslf.

“I heard that!” I shooted.

“Wait a second. ‘Nir, is that you?” Brenana came out from behind the rock we were hiding in and walked up to Error.

“Brelle? By Shor, I never thought I’d bump into you in here, of all places!” Error said and they hugged. I was shocked!

“What brings you here with...her?” He looked at me judgementally.

“Oh, this is my friend Raven. She’s one of the new apprentices at the college.” Brenana introduced me happily “We were told that some of Shalidor’s writings could be found in here somewhere. You didn’t happen to come across anything, did you?”

“I think Erik mentioned that he found some scrolls earlier. We were planning to sell them, but if that’s what you’re looking for, I guess you can have them.” Error said causally as he grinned rougeishly and I swooned. He was still a hottie even tho he was an asshat who looked like Enthrir but hotter.

“Thanks, ‘Nir. You’re a great help!” Brenana smiled at him excitedly.

“No problem, Brelle.” He said softly to Brenana who I’m suspecting is his gf (yes in that way!)

“WTF Brenana you know this jerk?!” I asked her angrily.

“Oh, right. I forgot you weren’t at the College before he left. Raven, this is my friend Errenir. He was the newest apprentice at Winterhold before you came along.”

“Pleasure.” Error smirked rougeishly and sarcastically at me while rolling his mystical hazel eyes and I blushed.

I scoofed at him in response tho. “This doesn’t mean I forgive you for the fire breath. WTF was that anyway? Are you half dragon or something?”

“Not exactly. Half-Nord, half-elf. But full soul of a dragon, as far as I know.” He responsed so causally and smugly that he was filing his nails with his enoby dagger in front of me.

“What?” I said

“It means I’m Dragonborn.” Error sighed exasperately in annoyance.

“What?” I said.

“Ugh. I’m basically half dragon. Whatever, I have another puzzle gate to figure out.” He grumbled at me. What a smug asshat. “Please, excuse me, Brelle. I’ve got an evil necromancer to defeat and an ancient ghost love story to resolve. I’ll get those scrolls to you in a bit.”

Just then Erik pulled a lever and the gate opened.

“It worked!” Erik exclaimed triumphantly and I stared at his big toned muscles as he raised his fists in the air in success.

Error’s jaw dropped. “How?” He stared at Erik in awe.

“The answers were behind the overgrown shrubs,” Erik responsed.

“Of course they were.” Error the Dargonbron said with a blank face. He looked so done.

Chapter Text

Barleyna and me followed Erroror and Erik the Slayer into the deeps of the ruens of Ansilvund. We were still yet to find the works of Shalidoor that Urgag Grow-Shrub sent us to go look for, and Error figured that some extra help wouldn’t hurt since they have to fight a powerful narcromancer later.

Erik told me they found a book that tells the adorable love story of these Nord hero’s named Fjori and Holgeir, but there’s this evil narcromance named Lu’ah wanna bring them to life (lol geddit, like Evanescence) and brainwash them to fight for her because she’s derprrssed about her dead hisband. I kinda felt bad for Lu’ah and her story touched my bleeding heart, but Error was determined to defeat her because he think she’s evil and hes supposed to be the hero of Skyrim of or something.

Suddenly some zombies came out! They call them Draugr here in Skyrim, which is weird because that’s the Innkeeper’s name in Winterheld. One tried to bite me in the face, but Erik took out his huge, long, hard, thicc, steal greatsword and stabbed it before it could get to me.

“OMFG you saved me!” I said to Erik while blushing.

Erik smiled at me before turning around and slicing another dagur’s head off. He was so hot when he was fighting. I watched the way his muscular arms contacted while he swang his big sword.

“Less talking more fighting!” Error shouted at me as he headshotted a dragur with his enoby bow.

I stuck my black-nail-polished middle finger up at him for being a douche and ruining my romantic moment. And then I tried summoning my flame atriarch but nothing came out!

Apparently, I had low magicka! I gasped! And then I remembered D’Jango’s scrolls!!! He said it’s supposed to cover me with a flame clock to protect myself from the zombehs.

I cast the spell using J”Mango’s exparimental scrolls to cover myself with a flame clock, but the scroll exploded! It burned the zombie that was just about to bite my face but it hit me too! I used a healing spell that I learned from that one professor with an annoying voice to heal myself. Since the scroll didn’t work like I thought it would, so I tried using another one. D’Jango gave me 10 scrolls to make sure i had enough.

BOOM!! The second scroll exploded too and it hit Error who was standing behind me. He didn’t suffer too much damage because of his enoby armor was enchanted with fire resistance.

“Watch where you’re casting those spells, damn it!” He yelled at me angrily.

“Whatever! You weren’t even hurted that bad!!!” I shooted back. And then I took a third scroll and tried again.

BOOM! It exploded again. I got hurted again, but luckily the last scroll took out the rest of the dragur in the chamber. That was when Barleyna told me that maybe all of D’Jango’s scrolls were defective so I stopped using them. She’s so smart. I wouldn’t have figured that out myself!

Error was nice enough to give us all healing portions and after everyone healed themselves, we moved on to the next part of the ruens. OMFG! There were so many traps! There were swinging axes and poison arrows and stuff. Brenana punted out the pressure plates on the ground to me.

“Everyone, stay here. I’ll try to disarm the traps.” Error told us.

“Alright. Be careful, ‘Nir.” Brenana said worriedly.

“OMFG just because your the chosen one doesn’t mean you have to do everything,” I said.

“Gods, I’m trying to help. Why do you always have to complain about something?” Error pulled his long luscious hair in furstation. He called me an insufferable wrench under his breath and it was really offensive.

“Why do you have to be so angry at me all the time?!1” I shooted back at him but his friend Erik pulled me aside.

Erik said sorry about his friend and explained that Errornir is only an ass because he’s Dragonborn and that means the faith of the world lays souly on his shoulders. I couldn’t imagine how hard it must be for him, and i thought his dark side made him more attractive. It made my heart ache for him and I suddenly don’t not like him anymore. Erik also apologyed for thinking I was a narcromancer.

I watched Error swiftly and nimbley dodge the tarps. He was so graceful and roguish as he was dancing around the sharp blades in his pitch black enoby armor that it made me so hott for him. It’s too bad he was dating Brenana.

After Errornir pulled a chain, the blades stopped moving and we safely crossed the tarps. We eventually reached the last room in the ruins after fighting more dragur, but I still couldn’t find Shalidoor’s ritings.

When we all crossed the gate, there were more dragur waiting for us with scary glowing blue eyes. They were wearing skimpy armor made of a black ancient metal and had ornamentally carved swords that were antique. The zombies were being led by a mysterious lady. It was... Alo’ha the Narcromancer!

Chapter Text

“Who dares disturb my work?” The narcromancer said as she raised two powerful dargur that tried to attack us.

One was gonna smash my head with an axe but I summoned my bounded sword and blocked it (like how Onion taught me how to do. I missed him) but it was so strong I fell to the ground. And then

“FUS RO DAH!” Error shouted at the dargur! And it flew off and away from me before it could chop my head off! Omfg he saved me! I got up and stabbed the dragur with my sword and it died again.

Brenana and Erik were fighting off the other dragur while Errornir was in a one on one face off with the narcromancer. But the Dragonborn was so overpowered that he one-shooted her with his enoby bow and enoby arrow. He aimed at her knee and shooted, and then she died. And then all the dragur died too. It all happened so fast that I was freaking out and had an ardrenalen rush.

And then this cute ghost couple showed up and thanked Errornir for saving them from the narcromancer’s evil spell. They even gave him a ghostly sword as a present. when the ghost couple flew off into sovnegrade, it was so cute.

Me and Erik looked at each other and felt the ghosts’s love for each other. It was so cute that me and Erik fell in love at first sight (ok technically it’s not first sight but you know what I mean) And then Error checked the narcomacer’s pockets and found Shaldoor’s writings that I was looking for and handed it to Barleyna. Finally, I can come back to the Collage!

Apparently Errornir and Erik were on their way to the Collage too because Errornir was looking for an Elderly Scroll to learn a shoot to save the world. He said that Urgog probably had it. His explanation was complicated so I didn’t geddit. But what matters was that Errornir and Erik both had horses and offered me and Barleyna a ride back to the collage.

Apparently Error owned both the horses tho. Me and Erik rode in Shadowmare, a black horse with glowing red eyes like a vampire. Error and Barleyna rode together on his horse Aarvark, who was a black skeleton horse with purple flames as a mane and tail. Both of Error’s horses were so beautiful. I petted shadowmere’s main as I sat in front of Erik and he made sure I didn’t fall off the horse by holding me tightly in his arms. Meanwhile Error and Barleyna were riding in front of us while being sickeningly romantic.

“So I was thinking, maybe we can pay a visit to your hometown in Solstheim and have a traditional Dunmer ceremony,” I overheard Error say smoothly into Barleyna’s pointy ear.

“I thought we agreed that the temple in Riften would be okay? You know how much I hate visiting home...” Barleyna said in response as she cuddled him from on top of their horse.

“Wtf are they talking about?” I asked Erik.

“Brelyna hasn’t told you? She and Errenir have been engaged for weeks and they still haven’t decided on where to have the wedding.” Erik replayed.

“OMFG Barleyna’s engaged?!”

“Yup.” Erik said

“Ok.” I said

And then we all got off the horses and camped out for the night. I was staring at Erik from behind the campfire. And then he spoke up

“I saw what you did back there in the ruins. You, uh... you fight good.” He said

“Fangz.” I repleid. “You too. Omfg you saved my life! You were so hardcore with your sword. I’m not that good maybe you can teach me?”

“I’m still a bit green myself, but I can show you a thing or two,” Erik said.

I summoned my bounded sword. It was purple and ghostly. Erik stand up behind me and put his arms around me. He held my hands so he could show me the proper way to hold a sword and swing it. We practiced all night and then we started making out against a tree while Brenana and Error were sleeping in their tent. I was ready to forget all about Onmind because me and Erik were in love. I was ready to stay with him forever.

“Raven, I have to tell you something.” Erik said in between our kisses.

“What is it?” I said.

“I really enjoyed spending time with you and I wish it could last, but I’m an adventurer...”

“Oh.” I started crying.

“Errenir and I will probably hit the road again after visiting Winterhold for a day. That’s how it’s always been.”

“Ok...”

“We should make the most of our time together while it lasts, don’t you agree?” He said and it broke my already shattered heart.

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

“Let me get this straight,” I said to Proof. Dervis Neloron as we sat in the middle of the Hall of Continents. Some altmer preps dressed in pink slutty mage robes were staring at us from across the room but I ignored them this time because I was doing something importabt.

“Illusion magic is used to influence the minds of people around us?” I asked my instruction.

“That’s right.” Drevis Neoprene said. He was one of the senior wizards at the Collage and I asked him to help me with one of my exparaments with illusionist magic. I was gonna invent a new spell to bring modern conveniences I missed to Tamriel.

“Ok I’m gonna cast the spell now.” I said and I looked down at the bowl of ice cream that I made.

My next quest was to make it taste like chocolate, but that doesn’t exist in Tamriel so I thought I could use illusion magic to change it’s flavor. So I put my hands up and they started glowing green. And then I shooted the green lights at the bowl of plain ice cream but nothing happened. Prooffesor Neoprene observed me intentionally with his blood red eyes.

“OMFG it’s not working!” I excleamed.

“Your intention was to alter how one would perceive its taste, wasn’t it? Why don’t you give it a try?” He said and he handed me a Dwemer spoon, which looked like a modern spoon except it was made by Dwarfs.

I tried a spoonful of the ice cream and it tasted bitter and sweet just like covfefe.

“The taste changed but it’s not what I wanted...” I said. “It tastes like coffee but I wanted it to be chocolate.”

“Interesting. I’ve never heard of such things. Can I have a try?” Darvis Nelolen said so I gave the spoon to him and he had a taste.

When he put the spoon in his mouth his blood red eyes widened in delight and his spiky white hair spiked higher.

“This is amazing!” He said. “I’d consider it a success.”

And then he had another spoonful, and then another.

“Stop it! I made this for Brenana!” I said and then he stopped.

“Sorry, it’s just that I’ve never tried anything quite like it. It has a curious taste. And it seems that your spell gave it properties that influence the mind in other ways.” He said.

“Like what?”

“For one, I suddenly feel more awake and alert after consuming this...strange delicacy you’ve concocted. I can’t help but crave some more.” He repleid.

“OMFG just like real coffee,” I said.

“So this is the ‘coffee’ that you speak of” Darvis said curiously. “You must teach me this new spell! This is an amazing discovery!”

So I teached him the spell and he cast it on a bottle of wine that was sitting on the table. I opened the crok and smelled the inside and it smelled just like real coffee! I took a sip.

“I think it worked.” I said.

“Let me see,” Darvis Neoprene replied and took a swing of the transfigurated coffee. “This is perfect!” He said and chugged some more.

“Umm the spell?” I reminded him.

“Oh, right.” He said. I noticed he was getting jittery by the time he was halfway thru the bottle. “Try focusing on the subtle nuances of the taste you might have missed. And think about the feelings and emotions that come with the perceived taste you’re trying to achieve.”

I closed my eyes and focused. And then I cast another spell on the bowl of ice cream, thinking about the sheer bliss that comes with eating chocolate and how it washes all your troubles away. A green light flashed again. And then I tried another spoonful of the ice cream and I was success!!!1

“OMFG I DID IT!” I exlamated. “I’m gonna show this to Brenana now. Thanks for helping Proof Neoprene!!!1”

Darvis nodded at me as a ”yuor welcome” and he went back to drinking his magic coffee while writing notes about the new spell we made up.

“The Archmage is going to love this...” he muttered to himself and then he cast the coffee spell on every other bottle of drinks he found in the room.

xXx666xXx

I went to visit Barleyna in her room and she was reading a book quietly. She had black eyeliner smeared by her tears running down her bluish gray cheeks like two black rivers of sorrow and anguish. There were black stained teardrops in the page of her spell book that she was reading. Ever since she dumped Errornir for cheating on her with me, she has been distracting herself with homework and books the whole time. So she locked herself in her room studying magic all day.

When I told Brenana about what happened at the midden with the Dargonbron, she didn’t belief me at first and she was angry at me for stealing her man. But then I showed her the letter and proved that it was Error’s idea and I only went because I thought Erik wrote it. And then she forgave me and thanked me for telling her.

“Hey Brenana” I said.

“Oh. Hi, Raven,” she said depressingly.

“I got you something.”

“Oh?” Brenana looked at me confusedly and I put my transfigureated chocolate ice cream on her desk.

“What’s this?” She asked and eyed the desert carefully. “It smells so alien, yet so appetizing.”

“It’s chocolate ice cream. It’s a food from my world that girls eat after a break up,” I explaineded. “I made it for you using illusionist magic with help from Neloron.”

“Wow. I’ve never heard of illusion magic being used to recreate a food before, but I suppose I could use a break from all the studying” Barleyna shrugged.

And then we ate ice cream and cried and complained about our lives together while we drank through 6 whole bottles of Sujamma just shared between us. She complained about Error being a jerk and I complained about Erik and Onion being stupid. I whined about my life back on earth and she complained about her strict dad back in Soulshtime and how her family always pressured her to be an overachiever because she was in House Tortellini. I didn’t know Brenana and I had so much on common!

“I honestly can’t believe I expected better out of ‘Nir. When we first met, he seemed so genuine... To think that he could deceive me and betray me like that...” Brenana sighed. “I suppose that’s l what I get for trusting an illusion mage.”

“Error is just an asshat, forget him!”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s had other women all those times he was on the road without me,” she started sobbing.

“OMFG Barleyna! All men are such jerks! The only thing they’re good for is braking our hearts!” I complained as I took another bottle of Barleyna’s secret Sujamma stash. “Who needs them?!” I started creing too and my black eyeliner flowed down my pale white cheeks.

And then Barleyna and I looked at each other in deep understanding. I got lost in her blood red eyes that sparkled in the mage light in her room. We leaned in closer to each other and then I kissed her for the first time.

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

So I follow Onmind to the Hall of the Vigilants and we met withToldfir.

“You’re very fortunate to have an inquisitive friend in this lad, dear Raven” tolfdir said while gesturing at Onmund. “If it wasn’t for his help in this research, we would have found this new lead.”

Onmund was blushing and scratching his head depressively in a goffik way. Omfg what a show off.

“Is it true? I can finally go home in the future,?!1” I said anguisingly.

“That’s not for certain yet, but we may be on the right track” said the old wizard. “We have reason to believe that your sudden appearance in this world may be Daedric in nature.”

“Dardaric?” I said confused in a dark tone. I heard of the Deadra Princess before, the master mages taught about them in class like Molag Balls and Azumarill, from what names I can remember. They seem like Demons on earth which is badass, and I wanted to meet one.

“You might want to see this book I’ve found,” onion said. He pointed on a page with weird scribbles that I don’t understand.

“After narrowing down the possibilities, it seems that Sheogorath’s influence is the most likely cause for your transcendence across the realms.” Tolkien explained pendanticaly.

“Who” I asked

“The Daedric Prince of Madness” onion said

“WTF” I said again

“The Daedric prince may have summoned you here for a reason, Raven. In past occurrences, the otherworlder summoned usually gets a chance to return from which they came after they fulfill that said purpose for the higher being they champion.” Tolkien said

“So wtf am I supposed to do to go home”

“ Your purpose here is yet unknown to us, especially given the … unpredictable nature of Sheogorath’s workings, but if we contact one of his champions, that would be a good place to start”

“And where am I supposed to find that?” I cried in a sprrowful and goffik way. My black eyeliner was running down my cheeks and stained my black dress but you couldn’t see the stains because the dress was black anyway.

“Well…” onion started to say.

“We suspect that he may be here at the college, or at least he was at some point…”

“Omfg Onmind stop being so cryptid and tell me!!” I shooted

“This…” he pointed at a picture of a weird wooden staff on the book . It looked like a screaming guy with 4 faces. “The wabbajack, an artifact of significance to the followers of Sheogorath… I may have seen it in Erenir’s room.”

I scream in angush because I don’t wanna deal with that stupid Dargonbron. Then I stuck my middle fingers up at the old man and onion and I ran away

Chapter Text

Bo0M!!1?1!

Z,Jhargo used his destruction magic to blow up the lock Errenir’s dorm room because we have non lockpiks left and nobody wanna give us the key. d’jango’s fur was black with red stripes and a neon green streak and he had glowing red eyes like a vampire. His catlike fangz were covered in blood and he had a tattoo of a pentagon on his arm. He was wearing black leather mage robes that were ripped at the sleeves with fishnet gloves. And his claws had black nail polish, he was wearing doc martens with 19 belts straps on it and spikes at the tips.

Me and my Kajeet friend dug around but couldn’t find the jabberwocky staff anywhere. We look through his closet and under his bed, but there was nothing.

“Omfg it’s not here!” I said.

“Hmm… perhaps Errenir has taken the staff with him before he left.” He said depressingly in a demented way

“What are you two doing?” Onion shooted from behind us and looked at us like were ludacris fools.

“J’Zhargo is simply assisting our friend here with a search. You mentioned something about a staff in the Dragonborn’s room, yes?” He said to Omniond.

“I didn’t think you two were going to break into his room and sneak around? You know we could have just wrote to him and asked.” Onion sed 

Fuck off omnind. I said.

“Khajiit wasn’t ‘sneaking around.’” Jzargon said “J’Zhargo has nothing to hide.”

“That explains that explosions,” onion replayed.

“Omfg what are we gonna do now.?” I asked despairingly.

“Like I said, we could just write to Errenir and ask nicely? The courier just stopped by earlier. I’m sure he’s still in town.” Onion said,

Like wtf onion why are you like this?

“W8 we can asks barlena “ I remembered. Brelyna and errorNor are exes and she knows where he lives.

“Is that really appropriate?” Onion asked.

“Who cares?” I said.

I went to find B’relyna Marron. She was wearing black leather mini skirt with a good charlotte T shirt and black eyeliner all over her volcano red eyes that had purple streaks at the tips. 

Speaking of preps, nirya walked by and I stuck my middle finger up at her rebelliously and she stuck her preppy altmer nose at me. I stuck my middle finger up at enthir too because I don like him

“Do you know where error keeps his stuff? I said

“His staff? Which one. He’s collected quite a few in his travels.” Brelynana said

“The wabbajack. An artifact belonging to the Prince of Madness,” onion replied showing her the picture in his book about the Deadric princess.

“I’ve seen this before. Errenir likes to take this with him on his travels. I once saw him use it to turn a Sabre cat into a sweet roll…” she said with bloody tears

“See? There’s no way we can get our hands on it, unless we ask him first. I’ll go write him a letter” onion said

“Omfg no onion we need ti go find him”

“Then, what do you suggest?” Draco Onion sed

“Were mages. Duh” I said and then I raised my hand to casting a spell

A glowing trail of light happened between my hands and the floor and it pointed to the door. Normally the light is supposed to be fainting white,but my Version is dark red with black stripes thhat had tiny skull particles floating around like fog becaus i customized it . Now it’s goffik Hehehehe

“Clairvoyance? Brilliant!” Brenlyna redacted.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Onion said and I told him to shut up. And then I followed the trale of magic. Out the door….

“Wait, where are you going?” Brelyna asked Onmund as he followed Raven into the freezing courtyard.

“Wherever she’s going, I’m not letting her go alone. She’s going to get herself killed!” He replied, slinging his hunting bow and quiver over his shoulder as he grabbed his travel pack off a hook near his bedroom door.

“Would either of you care join me?” He asked his fellow apprentices hesitantly.

“This one will pass,” J’Zhargo replied, dusting off his standard college mage robes with his unmanicured, ungloved hands. He pulled his hood over his light gray fur as his perfectly normal Khajiit eyes peered through its shadow.

“Khajiit has promised Faralda to meet this afternoon to go over revisions for my scrolls,” he flashed a perfectly clean and bloodless smile at his friend.

“Brelyna?” Onmund turned to the Dark Elf.

“Sorry. I’m afraid I can’t either. I promised one of the new apprentices I’d help them with their alchemy lessons today,” she replied, sheepishly looking up from her spell tome.

“Alright then. I guess I’ll see you two around,” Onmund sighed. 

“Be careful, Onmund,” Brelyna saw him off, gently placing a hand over his shoulder in concern, looking up at him with her clear, red eyes. She slightly tugged at her linen cloak over her standard, blue-green mage robes as the wind from outside blew past the doorframe.

“And may your road lead you to warm sands,” J’Zhargo followed, waving at the Nord.

“I will. And thank you. Take care, now,” he said.

As he closed the door behind him, Onmund rested his forehead against his palm in exasperation.

“What in Oblivion has gotten into me?” He whined to himself in disbelief.

Chapter Text

OMFG why is it always so cold in Winterfell? I shivered in my raven black mage robes with the skull in the middle while the snow slapped me in the face. My black leather boots with the 3 inch platforms and fishnets truged to the snow. I kept following my clearvoyanze spell but all a sudden I felt a cold hand behind me. It was… Onion!

“If you’re really going to chase after the Dragonborn…” he panted tiredly “At least go prepared” he said handsomely and he handed me a bag full of stuff

“Fangz” I said flirtatiously

“I’m coming with you. Gods forbid something happens along the way.”

“Omfg onion, I’ll be fine I’m a conjururjr” I said as I summon a frosty atrona ch by my sideways. It was like a walking iceberg but instead of the usual white and frost blue, it was ebony black that reflected dark red light like fresh blud.

“Even so. Skyrim is as wild and hostile as it is beautiful. Better save your magicka when there’s a need for a fight. I don’t really have any potions on me, so we need to be extra careful. Maybe we should stop by the store along the way to stock up on essentials.”

“ok” I said. So we went inside the store and Brinan sold us stuff. She looked at me judgementally.

And then we left again in the freeexing cold. It was raining and snowing at the same time. It was so cold that me and onmon d had to hide inside a cave or we were gunna freeze to death.

“Aren’t u cold?” I shivered 

“Won’t lie. The weather outside is harsher than usual, even for us Nords. You think you can summon that flame atronach to keep us warm?” He suggestions.

I cast the spell and my flame astronaut showed up. Brelynana said that u can conjure creatures from Oblivious into any shape u want if your skilled enough as a conjurator. That’s is how the “bounded sword” spell works (your like literally smashing a Daedra into the shape of a blade to use it, omfg that’s so metal). I summon my atronach to look like a bonfire.  It looked like spikes poking out of the ground with a fire in the middle and I warm myself around it. 

Onion sat by the fire and rub his hands together and he smiled at me omfg he was actually kind of cute.

Then I heard a weird noise in the background and some pale goblin creature with no eyes showed up. It was…

“Falmer! Look out!” Onion yelled

He drawed his bow and arrow and shot a magical flaming arrow at it. It hit but the monster didn’t go down. It got nocked back and distracted tho. I was gonna summon my other atronach for defense but I ran out of magica. Shit.

Onion shot 3 arrows from his bow but they stayed in midair like the game was lagging. Then he released a spell and they all released at once at the flamers and the goblin thing finally died. There was another one tho, so I hid behind onion and he used his arrows again. He was a better stealth archer than Errorir 

Omfffg u saved me Onionm!

We started making out keenly against the cave and then he put his arrow in my quiver and we did it for the 1st time

And then …

“What the hell are you doing you motherfuckers?!”

It was… Archmage Savos Aren!

Xxx666xxX

After me and onmund followed the spell for days we ended up in the City of Solitaire. Onion says it’s the capitol of Skyrim and there were a lot of preps there. I flipped of the two altmer preps who ran the clothing store because they insalted my cloths.

We went to the blue place and Error was there talking to the queen of Skyrim, Folk Fire-Brand. They were talking about a haunted cave or something . He was with his vampire gf Serena. She had pale skin because she was a vampire and short raven black hair and a gothic vampire dress that looked like bat wings. She buys all her clothes from hot topic and likes MCR too.

“OMFG ERROR THERE U ARE,” I shouted at him

“By Shor, it’s you again,” the wood elf groaned. “What do you want, this time?”

“The wabbajackass” I said

“What makes you think I’m just going to hand it over? Its a rare artifact!” dragon-borne said.

“Please, Errenir.” Onion pleaded. “If we could have a moment to talk, I’ll explain everything.”

Onion and 3rrenir went to the corner at talked quietly.

“Follow me,” Errornr said, so we followed him into the Darth Plagius the Wise Wing of the Blue Place. It was dark and abandoned like a vampires layer. There was spider webs everywhere.

“Why did you take us here?” Onion asked him

“This is where I’ve last met the Prince of Madness. Only he can help you now,” Error said. And he gave me a cheese wheel? Wtf? Onion went wtf too.

“A tribute. You might need it,” he said. On mend looked  at him confuzzledly. “Now, both of you stand still,” error or said. And then …

He shooted me and onion with the wabbajack!

Chapter Text

When the light of the Wabbajack’s spell disappeared in a flash, Onmund found himself alone in a dark vale surrounded in thick, red mist beneath a pitch black sky. An endless forest of weeping willows spanned the dark hills rolling over the foggy riverside, with a narrow clearing leading up to a dirt path. As he walked deeper into the woods, he heard a strange, otherworldly music fade in. It was like nothing he had heard before. The singing sounded more like screaming and wailing, accompanied by what almost sounded like the lute, but more…electric, for lack of a better word. 

Could it be? Was he in the Shivering Isles? Onmund tensed in apprehension. He drew his bow, charging it with a spell, not knowing what kind of Daedra were lurking about. He probably wouldn’t stand a chance against the Daedra alone, but having a weapon in his hand felt better than being unarmed.

At the end of the path was a stone dais at the edge of a river bend. On top of it stood a throne with its back facing the young apprentice sorcerer. The contorted face in the likeness of the Wabbajack adorned the back of the seat. As he approached the dais, the throne spun around in a flash, revealing an older man seated at its center. He wore a suit of mismatched colors and had glowing, yellow eyes that smiled maniacally.

“Onmund, my friend. Don’t be shy! I see you’ve brought a tribute!” The old man spoke, beckoning the young mage to come closer as he stroked the cheese wheel sitting on his lap like a cat. It was the same cheese wheel Errenir had given his friend.

“You’re…” Onmund began, barely able to speak as he was taken aback.

“Sheogorath. Daedric Prince of Madness,” the Daedric lord declared. 

“So, it’s true,” Onmund spoke. “Could you help us, like Errenir said?”

He looked around. “And where’s Raven?”

The Daedric Prince let out a hearty and maniacal laugh.

“Look around, boy,” he said. “She’s all around you.”

Onmund did as he was told. Looking up into the pitch black sky, he saw many unfamiliar faces plastered against the firmament. The pale faces of strange men with their eyelids smeared in black paint like the warriors of old all stared down at him form the heavens.

“If you don’t know who that is, get the fuck out of here!” He heard Raven’s disembodied voice echoing through the forest.

“Welcome to the broken mind of Raven Willow Bryar,” Sheogorath said, flamboyantly gesturing his arms out to show off his surroundings.

Onmund dropped his bow in shock, in awe of the Daedric Prince, and in utter confusion of the current state he was in.

“And it’s up to you to fix it.”