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Chapter Text

The sharp sound coming from his coat pocket made Yoongi wake up from his restless nap. His pager had started to beep loudly. With great effort he lifted his head from the table upon which he had slept for, well he was not sure how long he had slept. Regardless he did not feel rested at all.  When was the last time he actually got decent sleep? He could not remember. Certainly not after the last failed case. 

A quick look into his phone showed him that his nap time had lasted for a grand 15 minutes. That made him feel a little better. At least now his tiredness was justified. 

With a stiff neck and cranky mood, he got up quickly to grab his coat. As much as he wanted to rest he couldn’t. It was not something he could afford with his duty as a trauma surgeon. Quickly grabbing his now cold cup of coffee, Yoongi was ready to work on the new case. Before heading out, he saw to it that his personal diary, that he was writing before sleeping, was safely placed inside the drawer.  

“Do you know about the case?”, he asked Namjoon as soon as he saw him on the way. They had been together since their interning days. Though Yoongi was a year older than Namjoon, they were in the same class and clicked with each other perfectly. The world of medicine could not be bearable if not for his friend. Being from the same specialization they had similar schedules and shared many moments together that helped in further establishing their friendship. 

Even their private rooms, situated in a corner of the first floor, were adjacent to each other. The location was near the emergency room, making it easier for them to reach the place as quickly as they could. It took them around three-minute brisk walk to reach. On the way, their time was filled with Namjoon explaining briefly whatever he had gathered from his junior doctors. 

‘Maybe I should start having better relationships with these junior doctors’, he thought. 

“From initial assessment and from the accounts of first respondents, it seems that it is a case of road accident. Male, 22-year-old. Head injury and abdominal trauma are the major injuries as of now. We should assess further for any other complaints and complications,” Namjoon huffed as they dashed through the corridor. Yoongi just hoped that his nod of acknowledgement was seen by his friend. His mind was preoccupied with all the possible complications that could arise and how to tackle them and not with being polite with his friend.

As soon as they reached the emergency room, the ‘scene of crime’ (Yoongi was always fond of his mystery thrillers and often named his own workspace after them), his first reaction was to look at the patient. It took a moment for him to do it, with all the blood that he was covered in. He  could see the extent of damage the accident had caused. The patient had definitely lost blood which the nurses were working on through blood transfusion. The person looked young for his age. Even with a face covered with blood and dirt, it felt familiar. He could not help but see the face of his last patient on him. 

Despite his initial shock, he tried his best to appear nonchalant. “Prepare the Emergency Room for surgery, immediately”, he said looking towards the nurses who were busy carrying their respective works. “Also page Dr. Kim,” he paused to see the look of confusion on the new intern. “The other one, we need his expertise on the neurological side,” he added for clarification. 

Without wasting time, Yoongi scrubbed his hands and prepared himself for the surgery. Within moments his entire appearance changed along with his attitude. With the surgical gown and scrubs on his body, mask covering his face and other protective gear, he was unrecognizable; he looked like a different person. At Least that's what he often heard from Seokjin. 

When he entered the operation theatre, he had only one goal in mind: Save the life that was bestowed in his hand at any cost and not fail as the last time. 

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Yoongi used to love the idea of theatre. A stage where one can create anything, give life - both to ‘real’ and fictional beings - to anything. For him, it was the space of hope and future. Initially his idea was restricted to fictional characters. It was in theatre that he saw his famous stories coming to life, his poems finding the light of the day and his friend’s dream of being a dancer coming true. Slowly it evolved to real people. That was when his interest grew towards the field of medicine because the fundamental idea was the same. Even hospitals had theatres, where doctors created wonders and gave life. He had witnessed it in front of his eyes. His grandfather’s recovery was enough evidence for him. Theatre was a place of miracle for him. 

Or so he had thought. With growing years, the idea of theatre slowly started to lose its shine. 

Now, it was mixed with hues of darkness and death. Of sickness and misery. Of constant battles and lost hopes. He was not  sure if the battles were his or his patients. Maybe in a way it was everyone’s pain that had started to seep into this room that he had once associated with brightness and life? The same darkness that was hovering today. 

He had just returned to his cabin after working many hours in the operating room. Though the operation was a success, his patient’s condition was critical. He was not sure if the young man could make it through the night. Sometimes, no matter how hard he tried, how hard they fought, the result would not be in his hands.

It was times like this when he regretted his decision to become a doctor. Everything felt wrong. The gloves on his hands, his coat, even his familiar chair felt odd and strange. Like it did not belong here, like he did not belong here. 

He truly felt out of place. He was a doctor. He had seen many deaths in his career. He had to be used to it by now. Right? But why did the thought of another life slipping through his hand bother him? Why did he care if the young man lived or died? Why was he sitting in the middle of his wrecked cabin? 

In his rage he had pulled out every book, every journal he owned. All of them were currently lying on the floor. Among them, one book stood out like a sore thumb. The book that was long forgotten. When his eyes fell on the said book, a sudden thought came to his mind. A thought so ridiculous that he could not believe it. 

He could not believe he seriously thought of using the book. The same book that his grandmother had given him with a warning. He could still vaguely remember her wheezy voice warning about the book.

‘ Use it wisely. It will grant you anything. But remember, everything has a value to be paid .’

He had no idea what she meant, both then and now. But he knew she did not lie. There was something in this book that terrified her, excited her. Just looking at it now, he was attracted towards it. Getting up he took the book in his hand. The soft glow that came as soon as he held captivated him. 

The idea of writing in the book tempted him. But he knew it was not wise. Was he ready to face the consequence of his actions? His grandmother had warned about prices. Conflict between his heart and mind, emotion and logic, was raging in him for a long time. Here he was, the great doctor, who had locked himself and losing his mind over what to do.  

Finally, his heart won the battle, like always. Despite his cold demeanor, Yoongi was not coldhearted. He was not an unbothered, cool, person who just knew how to glare at his juniors and seniors alike, as the hospital staff believed. He cared for people, he was affected if someone died, specially if he was responsible for them. Just like others he cried when he was sad and laughed when happy. The fact that he doesn't do them openly and in public was not a reason to categorise him as coldhearted. He did not mean to hide his softer, and emotional side, but if people did not make an effort to know about it, was it really his fault?

Without giving time for his head to intervene, he opened the Book and wrote his name on it. Wasn’t that what he was supposed to do? Whoever writes their name on the Book forms a deal with a demon? The logical part of his brain wanted to argue that there is no such thing. Demons are the stories invented to entertain people, and at times (or most of the times depending on the perspective) used to scare children. It was not real. Even for the sake of arguments, it was real, then the life of some stranger really worth it? He did not even know the name of the person, for god’s sake. 

But the other part, the emotional part, greatly disagreed. If demons were not true then what kept him awake on some nights. If the tears and screams of anguish that tore his dreams were not demons then what were they? His personal demons (as many people called it), were real. He did not want another addition, in the form of this patient, to his already existing demons. Surely, this demon could not be worse than his own. And who knows this may not even be true as his logical side proposed. 

After some minutes when nothing happened, Yoongi was sure, his logical side was right. With a sigh he put the book down and went to sit on the chair. He was lost with no idea as to what he could do. Just as he was about to get up and go out of his room, with an intention to check on the patient and talk with seniors, he saw something move from the corner of his eyes. A dark figure in the corner of the room, which he thought might be the black cat, Holly. Turning around, however, what he saw was not his usual companion, but an unknown figure.

Yoongi was shocked for a second. His instinct screamed him to get the hell out of his room. He could not believe his eyes as what was before him was not natural, however one looked at ‘it’. 

The tall figure with black wings was surely not something that belonged to this world, unless someone had thought of this horrible prank to annoy him. But Yoongi was sure no one in the hospital would be that vengeful. This had to be real. 

“What the hell, what did I do?,” Yoongi mumbled to himself. As much as he wanted to appear unaffected, he could not stop the words that came out of his mouth, nor his expression.  

When the figure did not answer anything, Yoongi carefully took a look at the figure from head to toe. He was stunned, to say the least. Walking slowly, the dark figure bent down and held Holly high almost like it was playing with him, while giving him a belly rub now and then. 

“Hu-ah, Why are you asking me, you should know, after all it was you who called me,” the figure answered with its deep voice, sending shivers through his spine. He had no idea the figure could hear him. 

“Are you the one who is bound to this book by contract”, he asked cautiously, deciding to face the issue head on. Even to his ears the words sounded silly. If one of his colleagues or friends saw this scene, surely they would either laugh at him or ask if he was alright, maybe even suggest him to have better sleep. However, Yoongi was not like them. Even as he was talking to the figure, he could faintly recall the tales that his grandmother used to tell him when he was a kid. Maybe they were just fairy tales, but Yoongi had believed them to be true then. And now that he was greeted with an outwardly ethereal figure, it did not take him much to believe his childhood memories. Afterall, that brief in her was what pushed him to take this unrealistic  drastic step.

“Yes. I am Taehyung, an agent of death. Nice to meet you,” the figure, Taehyung, replied nonchalantly, voice filled with mirth. As if a child who was introduced to something novel. 

“Are you here to kill my patient?,” Yoongi asked. Though he tried his best, he could not suppress the building quiver in his voice, or the feeling of helplessness washing over him. Taehyung’s cheerful reply “Yes” did nothing to improve his state. So his hands would indeed be tainted with metaphorical blood of another life. 

“Wait, I don’t kill anyone. I just guide the soul to its destiny.” Yoongi did not hear anything past the first word. What difference did it make, at the end his patient would die that was sure.

“Now tell me why did you call me? Usually people cannot summon me, unless they have the book. Wait, is this about the contract ”, Taehyung asked after musing, sitting down on the floor with Holly playing on his lap.

“If I make the contract, you will grant me any wish right?” He did not know why he asked the question “Even saving a dying man?,” he added.

“Yes, the contract says that I have to do anything you wish for -”. Yoongi could not help but wonder the authenticity of this deal. It was too good to be true. Why would a messenger of death go against his duty for a mere human? Surely, he had to give or do something in return. His grandmother’s words about ‘value to pay’ made sense. His thought was answered immediately by the reaper. 

“-But you have to give me something what I want in return. Give and take” Taehyung continued. 

“What do you want from me?”.

“Ummm. let me think, I don’t know. I will tell you when the time comes. Till then you can take my service” Taehyung answered after thinking for a while. 

Was he ready to make the deal with the death (okay maybe not death, but he was somewhat close)? Yoongi did not know. But the only thought that was running in his head was he did not want  to increase his demons. So he decided, without thinking for any further consequences. 

“Ok how do I make this contract?”

“But, it's already done. You just have to write your wish on the book now''. Taehyung’s answer baffled him. When had he agreed to any of this before? Though he wanted to argue about the fact that he had not signed the contract consciously, Yoongi thought better of it and picked the pen from his coat. Pulling the book near, he opened a new page and wrote on it as instructed.

“I wish that my recent patient, Jeon Jungkook, should get well soon.” Once he was done, he lifted his head to ask for further instructions, and found nothing. 

The creature was gone in a blink of an eye. One second the demon was standing facing him, the next moment there was nothing. Only a trail of dark smoke occupying the space. Yoongi was not sure if he actually made the ‘deal with devil’ or if it was just his sleepless brain pulling trick. If not for the new entry in the book, he would have believed the latter. However, the hastily written words on the diary that were never present there before, was the sign that all of this was real. 

Just as he was about to close the diary, he heard a ring on his phone. Hearing the news of some development with the accident patient from the nurse, Yoongi had to move. Nothing should have happened. He had made the deal after all. Maybe there was something wrong in the whole process? Maybe the nurse mixed up patients? Or the whole contract was a lie. Whatever it was he had to go and see for himself. Throwing the book on the desk, he stormed out of the room, in haste. 

What he did not see was that in the open pages of the diary, the words “Congratulations for completing the contract  - Taehyung” appeared gradually. 

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“Yoongi, are you dating?” Seokjin's blunt questions took Yoongi off guard and made him almost choke on the beer that he was drinking. 

“What the hell hyung, what nonsense are you talking about?”, Yoongi asked while wiping his mouth. He was flustered. Sitting in between his so called friends and being laid back for a day was not meant to be like this. They had game marathons. Now was time to have their dinner peacefully. But no, someone had to bring up his personal matter. 

“You know, what hyung said makes sense”, Namjoon’s voice came from somewhere under the table. Honestly Yoongi was not surprised at all. That guy must have dropped something, as usual. He just wished that Namjoon did not accidentally bump into the table and spill the beer, once again. Before he could voice his warning, Namjoon had bumped his head. Thankfully, no damage was done.  

“Careful with the table, Joon”. This time it was Hobi - Hoseok - his friend from childhood. Though he was not a part of their hospital, Hoseok fit perfectly with his ‘colleagues’. Seokjin and Namjoon had quickly formed friendship with the dancer making him a vital part of their circle. 

“Hyung, seriously, did something happen recently?” Hobi asked. He could never lie to him. Hoseok would always know when Yoongi lied. Maybe that was the side effect of growing up with the boy. 

“Why are you guys attacking me?” 

Well Hobi could detect a lie but if he avoided the topic, then there would be no need to lie. Simple. 

“Well, you look happier these days,” Namjoon said, raising one finger, as if he was counting all the changes in his friend’s life. 

Who would do that?

“What do you mean happier? I am always like this,” he retorted back, just for the sake of it. He could not give them the luxury of cornering him. 

“Yoongi, please don’t make me laugh so badly. You are our residential grump. Before you start, I know okay. I know you are a sweetheart. But god you can be a really grumpy when you want - ” 

“ - and when you are surrounded by strangers” Namjoon cut Jin off. If he was not being interrogated, then Yoongi would have laughed out at the look that Seokjin was giving to Namjoon.

“Which is all the time”, Hoseok mumbled. 

“Exactly. But from the past two weeks, I have seen you with your gummy teeth more than your glares and your dark circles are practically non-existing” Jin said while finishing the last piece of rice cake from his bowl.  

“Hyung, you are saying as if me being happy is not good.” Yoongi reached out to the bottle to refill his now empty glass. If he had to tolerate their questions for the whole night, then he had to drink more. 

“Don’t get us wrong hyung. We love seeing you happy. We were literally worried about you all this time. What Seokjin hyung meant was that if there is any significant happening in your life, you don’t have to hide it from us, you can always share anything with us. Your worries, your happiness , anything.” Hoseok was now seated right next to him, making it hard for him to lie. Yoongi had to carefully pick his words or else he was busted. 

“Trust me Hobi, if I start dating you guys would be the first to know.” 

“So you are not dating?”

“No, Joon, I am not.” 

“Okay, I am just glad that you are happy and having a good time. Whatever makes you happy, I really hope that will be there with you forever.” Seokjin was not a guy who would throw just words around carelessly. 

The fact that all his friends were happy for him, without knowing the cause made him feel better. Also guilty. Maybe he can speak about Taehyung to them? Surely they won’t judge him or anything. It was now or never.

“And it seems your patients are also having good times.”

Okay maybe not. The moment was the best as it was and he can always talk about Taehyung another time. He just had to gather his courage. 

“Hyung, seriously you had to ruin the moment” Namjoon’s whines made everyone laugh. 

He liked this. Smiling with his friends, being in theatre, having real and comfortable sleep after long working hours and lastly his new found companion, the minion of death, Taehyung. 

Maybe working with death, both literally and figuratively was not so bad with Taehyung around him. 

Chapter Text

Human beings were interesting creatures.

Taehyung had seen life and death of many human beings both during his work and outside of it. Interesting was the only word that he could use to describe them. Some people kill others for the smallest reason while some others sacrifice themselves for the welfare of others. Some feared death so much that even after their death the fear lingered. There were also people who embraced death with peace and serenity. Some people cried when their loved ones departed from the world and entered the realm of death, while some people celebrated it as a form of honoring their loved ones. Extremes of reactions and everything in between for every aspect of death (and even for life) existed in humans. Human nature was truly complicated and Taehyung was always interested in them.

Creatures like him, who were created from the abyss of darkness of death were not similar to human beings. Even though they could feel emotions, their way of experiencing it and expressing it was never the same as human beings. They did not have the extremes and contrasting differences that humans had. They were unified, had similar thoughts. The differences between them were so slight making it hard to even observe from an external source.

Taehyung considered himself as being more different than his fellow beings due to his interest in human beings. Sure, the very nature of their duty consisted of assisting human beings after death. So everyone had to have some level of interest in them. However, what Taehyung was more interested was not just about their death (or even manner of death) rather he also wanted to know about their life. He could not understand certain facts and rules of human world no matter how much he observed them. Hospitals, like the one he was standing in front of right now, was the place that humans believed to be the centre where people were cured, and was the center of rejuvenating life. But this was also one of the places where the scent of death was thickest. This contrast did not decrease the number of people who entered the place.

All these thoughts were just thoughts. Currently he had a job to do and thinking about human nature did not help him in doing that. He entered the hospital brushing these thoughts away for the moment. Just as he was roaming around the corridors of the hospital in search of his target, his attention was drawn by a fluffy black cat. The sight of this four legged creature made Taehyung momentarily forget his duty and rush towards it. To get close and play with it. Additionally it was not like he sensed (more like smelled) any urgent case of the soul leaving the body or about to do so.

Following the cat, he did not realize when he entered the room scattered with books and other equipment. He also failed to notice the weird sense of attraction, a compulsion to move towards the same room. His mind was filled with the cat and any attraction he might have sensed was attributed to his love towards the four legged black ball of fluff that he saw a minute ago.

The cat that was running away from him was successfully in his arms within a few minutes. He was enchanted by it (and playing with it) to such a degree that he failed to notice the presence of a person in the room, or even the messy state of the room. It was only when the person stood up and turned around that he realised that there was another being, a human being to be specific, in the room. What astonished Taehyung was the look on the person. It was as if the person could see him when he should be invisible to all human beings. Only people who were too close to death, where their time in this world was just a few minutes could see him or others like him. A quick sniff at the person ruled out this possibility. Even though the person was doused with the scent of death, Taehyung could clearly see that it was not his own. It came from spending most of his time with people who were always close or even in the embrace of death.

Taehyung was puzzled by this person who could see him. His confusion lasted only for a moment until his eyes fell on the book on the table. It was the contract book. To be specific his contract book that was personally given by the god of death themselves. He couldn't even remember why he received such a great reward. All he could recall was the moment of thrill that he felt as he received the contract book and later Jimin’s cold embrace as he congratulated him and shared his happiness and thrill. Once the initial rush of getting the reward vanished, he had given the book to the first human being he encountered and completely forgot about it as the human being (or their successors) did not form a bond with him. This was the first time in century that someone had bonded with him, his first human contract.

Just as he was submerged in his own thoughts, his focus came back to the very thing that was the root cause of the current situation. The quiet question that was low enough that no one apart from the person who spoke could hear, still managed to pierce Taehyung to the core: “What the hell What did I do?” Looking up, he now took a proper look at the human being and saw a man in surgical gown gloves covering his hands. He was oddly as pale as himself, a creature from another world who dealt with death all his time. It did not take more than a single glance for him to know the person standing was a doctor. Taehyung had seen many during his work. He promptly answered the doctor’s question, “Hu-ah, Why are you asking me, you should know, after all it was you who called me”.

It seemed like the doctor was as shocked, if not more, as him, though for different reasons. From the looks of the man, he did not expect Taehyung to be even real, forget about answering to his mutterings. Taehyung, on the other hand, was shocked to see that the man was not filled with fear. No, the expression on the man was not fear, rather it was something that resembled a mixture of fear, helplessness, awe and something that he could not recognize, an odd combination that Taehyung had rarely seen before.

Instantly he wanted to get to know this man better. His interest in human beings, that was always present, intensified while speaking with this man. After all, he was the first living person that ever spoke with him for so long. Taehyung promptly answered all the questions that the man had about the contract. Even when he questioned about saving the dying man, Taehyung agreed without any hitch. But he could not think of anything in return for his favor, even though the deal had to be a two way process. He simply said “I will tell you when the time comes'' and left it to that.

During the entire time, he was holding the black cat in his arms. As soon as the man wrote his wish, Taehyung gently placed the cat down and vanished. Quickly he took a look at the man whose name was mentioned in the book. Suddenly Taehyung wanted to pity the doctor. The man that he wanted to ‘save from death’, so much so that he even made the contract with him was actually as healthy as he could be. No matter how much he tried, he could not even detect any faint scent of death on him. Within a day or two he could get out of the bed.

Since the deal was already made, Taehyung did not want to back out. The doctor looked sincere in his work and Taehyung wanted to help him. With a flick of his hand, he helped to increase the speed of the healing process. Just as he was about to get out of the room, after all he had come to this hospital to guide a soul and he could faintly feel that the time had come, he saw the doctor, the one who he made a deal with, running towards the room. Quickly he wrote on the contract book and went to do his duty.

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Entering into his realm was always refreshing. As much as he was fascinated by the human world, it was an ‘alien land’, not his place. The coldness that came from his feet, the sight of Jimin sitting on one of the entry points, looking at his files and books was the welcome that he always admired and eager to witness.

Even though both of them were associated with death, Jimin was not like Taehyung. His job was not delivering the news of death and guiding the soul after its death. He had to watch over the life of people and keep a track of their life line. It was his duty to inform messengers like him about the general area where the new souls would emerge from. They worked with each other as pairs. Along with them, many others who did similar tasks also shared such bonds with others in order to carry their duty with ease.

The enthusiasm on Jimin’s face was a direct reflection of his own. In seconds, he approached him and started to recount the events of the day with animated moves. Jimin listened to each word with patience and gave proper reactions. By the time they reached their rest place, Taehyung was finished with his story.

“This is what humans call scam. You did not save him from death at all. No one can do that without repercussion” was the first thing that came out of Jimin’s mouth.

“You think I don’t know that?” Taehyung retorted “I mentioned that to him. And it's not like I am scamming him. I have not taken anything in return”. He wanted to defend himself. It was not like he wanted to deceive the doctor. He was not like those humans who tricked others. Well, maybe a little, but he never harmed anyone with his tricks and they were never played on humans, only on Jimin.

“Then what do you want to ask in return? You did help in healing the ‘dying man’”. No matter how much he tried to hide it, Jimin’s curiosity was clearly visible. He also wanted to make sure that Taehyung was not on the other end of this human ‘scam’.

“I don’t know. Something trivial, like time to play with the black cat”, Taehyung replied after thinking for a while. Now that he said it, it seemed like a fair and good deal. No one would suffer loss.

“That is good. I wish even I could play with the cats.” If anyone loved animals more than him, it had to be Jimin. The expression of yearning on Jimin’s face made him want to somehow bring a living cat to this place, which was impossible. He was determined to find a solution to this as soon as possible.

“Tae, tell me, if your human asks you to save someone who is really going to die, or bring back someone, would you do it?”

Jimin’s question was lighthearted. It was a question that he had been thinking of the entire time. His duty was to guide the soul. He did not have any power over deciding the fate of anyone. Even if he did intervene and saved a life by all means possible, a life had to be exchanged. Balance of the world was not something that he could break due to anything, not even the contract. Although the contract made him obliged to do certain things, he could still refuse if the other end of the deal, his payment, was not provided.

“I am thinking. Don’t worry I will figure out a way out. If it comes to the worst situation, I will simply break the contract”.

Breaking the contract was an easy task. He would have to willingly go against the rules and not fulfill the wish even after receiving his ‘payment’. Punishment for this was working for a decade or more in the outer hall of judgement. This was the place where people had to bear the fruit of their deeds. The place was not something that Taehyung wanted to even stay even for a moment.

“I hope not,” Jimin said with a frown on his face.

“I am sure that won’t happen. Forget about this. Help me find the doctor” Taehyung replied to ease the situation. Also he truly needed Jimin’s help to find the identity of the doctor. In his haste he forgot to take a look or even ask the doctor himself. All he could do now was rely on Jimin.

“Seriously, you remembered to write your name on the book, but forgot to know his identity”, It took pleading, and cajoling from Taehyung to get “Fine, I will look at it later” from Jimin.

True to his word, Jimin did look at it and gave him all the information he needed. From the doctor's name, Yoongi, that really fit him, to his entire history. With this knowledge he felt as if he personally knew and understood Yoongi. After a few visits to the hospital cabin and notes on the contract book, his impression of Yoongi deepened with each encounter. To his surprise, the other had warmed up to him quickly which he could never imagine. His sight no longer lingered on Taehyung’s wings and the look of slight fear mixed with uncertainty was replaced by warmth and understanding.

Gradually, he started to visit the doctor even with the absence of the note. Time spent with the black cat, Holly, was no longer just a result of their dealing, rather something that was done whenever he wanted to. He was thinking of ways to introduce Jimin to this fluff. Everything was going well. Well, apart from one thing that was slowly starting to bother him.

“What do you mean your human is not using the contract. You practically run off to him as soon as you find time, regardless of time and place.” Jimin looked like he was just short of chasing him. Even as he replied to Taehyung’s concern he had not stopped looking at his files even for a moment.

“I do go to him, but it is not because of the contract”. As he was saying this, he could feel the warmth that crept to the tips of his ears slowly turning them red.

“I have no idea then. You know these humans. Who knows what goes on in their mind”. It was evident that Jimin was too busy to pay any attention to Taehyung’s problem at the moment. Moreover, it was not even a problem in his eyes.

“It is better this way. You don’t have to compensate for any life, nor would you have to break any rules,” Jimin reasoned and replied after sometime. “It’s not like your human even knows the truth of these so called dealings. Let it end now. That’s better.” His reply was filled with both conviction and happiness.

For some reason, Taehyung was not able to feel the same. The more he thought about it, Jimin’s words made sense. However, he was worried and, to his surprise, sad. Regardless, he had to accept this outcome. The only thought that remained in his mind in midst of all these emotions were: “I will tell him the truth one day, till then let me enjoy the time.”

Chapter Text

March 25, 20XX  

Am I worthy?

Am I a good doctor? Lately I have been thinking if I am fit to be in this profession. I feel trapped in this place. It feels I am the only one to be burdened with these thoughts. Everyone is moving forward in life while I am the only one stuck in life. What am I doing here? Am I saving life or pushing more people to their deaths? I feel lost with all the casualties occurring around me. Was this the path that I wanted to walk on? Was this the dream of my 15 year old self? Not sure anymore. Finding my way back to the passion of my younger self seems hard. Whom can I speak my mind other than on these pieces of paper? 

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July 4, 20XX

I am a failure

no I am a killer

a life was lost by my hands

Junsu is no more in this word because of my negligence, my failure, and my inability to perform better

should I continue being a doctor when I caused someone to lose their life? Do I deserve the words of comfort and reassurance from others? 

➢➢➢➢

July 12, 20XX 

It’s been a week. I can still see Junsu’s shadow on his hospital bed. Hear the cries of his mother shouting and pleading with me to bring her only son back to this world. Feel the trace of his blood on my hands. Will my hand ever be clean from this sin? 

➢➢➢➢

July 18, 20XX

It seems like every power in this universe wants to punish me. The number of nightmares has increased. More time I spend in hospital, the more my personal demons grow. Tears and screams seem to blend together with the sight of a human figure (I can’t even recognize Junsu anymore). 

It feels like I am slowly going to lose my functionality and sanity. I don’t know what to do to maintain myself and rise from this deep depth of hell. 

➢➢➢➢

July 29, 20XX

Am I awake or am I dreaming? 

The day was like an illusion created due to my lack of sleep. As crazy as it sounds, it seems like I finally found a solution to move away from the dredge of hell through a being of hell. Literally. 

I met with a person (is he a person?) with black wings who described himself as an agent of death. I opened the book that grandma gave me before passing away, the same book she warned me to use with care and made a contract with death (I guess?). And it worked. The kid who I thought would not live to see another morning was saved. He is fine and may even get discharged within a week or two. I don’t know what price I have to pay for this outcome. I don’t care. I have not felt so relieved in months. 

I am relieved.

➢➢➢➢

August 5, 20XX

Finally found the price for the contract. The creature, Taehyung (it sounds right to call him this and the name fits him perfectly) is nothing like Grandma's description. I guess Grandma was right about a few things but her opinion was wrong. In exchange for my wish to save the boy, he wanted to spend an hour with Holly. It is too simple and even a bit silly. Maybe it's a trick. Maybe he is trying to lower my guard. I am not sure if the payment as he called it is genuine or something he does not even care for. After all what can he, as a godly being cannot have that I have.

Whatever might be his goal, the one hour of him playing with holly (I was monitoring it, after all I can’t leave holly alone with someone who is literally the personification of death) was refreshing and made me feel light. Maybe I have to spend more time with  Holly from now on. 

➢➢➢➢

September 20, 20XX

Conflicted, confused and exhausted.

Yesterday there was a big road accident on the nearby highway. More than 30 people were admitted and I was busy to the core. Even a 10 minutes break was hard to get. (So no daily rant) Now I am exhausted. Other than that there was a peculiar occurrence. I thought Taehyung could grant any wish for a price. And the price would be innocent, simple or silly. I was proved wrong. When I asked to trade the life of one of the boys (why am I still seeing glimpse of Junsu in other?), Taehyung did not say anything immediately. After a while he agreed but with one condition. He wanted me to give the payment before fulfilling his end of the contract. This had never happened before. What was more peculiar was his request. He wanted me to give him the biggest diamond that is placed in the Seoul Museum. How can I get that and why did he go from playing with Holly and asking to play on my phone to forcing me to rob a museum. Was all the previous actions just to lower my guard? Or does it have some other meaning? I am not sure of anything and do not have energy to think about this right now. 

One day I will get down to this. 

➢➢➢➢

October 10, 20XX

I suspect Taehyung can’t grant all  wishes. Even after that incident, he did not ask for outrageous items / payments when I asked for simpler wishes. His hesitation is only restricted to the life and death situation. But that does not make sense. More than once I have asked for such outrageous wishes and he obliged. Heck that was the reason for this contract to even exist. I have a hypothesis. Should I ask him and confirm? Or should I just leave things as it is? I am happy with how things are going right now. 

➢➢➢➢

November 1, 20XX

Brought a small gift to Taehyung. I don’t know if he will like it or if this is even worth his attention. But I strongly believe the Taehyung that I have grown to know would enjoy it. Maybe I have to trust my belief for now. I wanted to find a perfect time to give it to him. It looks like there is no perfect time. I will give it to him today. All the best, myself.  

➢➢➢➢

November 2,

Hello,

This is my first entry. 

I don’t know what to write.

Yoongi hyung got me this diary and a phone today.

(I like calling him hyung even though I am decades or even centuries older than him).

I love the gift.

I showed it to Jimin and he was envious.

➤➤➤➤

November 30,

I don’t know why but hyung has not asked for any wish for more than a month now. 

Did I do anything wrong?

Was he not happy about any of my requests? 

Last time his wish was just talking to me.

Why should I ask anything back to that? He was doing me favors instead.

Maybe I have to give him a gift? 

But I don’t know what I can give him.

And where I can buy (can I even buy when normal people cannot see me?)

➤➤➤➤

December 7,

I asked hyung about buying.

He said he will buy and give me whatever I want. 

I just have to ask him.

Why does that make me happy?

And how can I ask hyung to buy his own gift?

I have to find a way.

➤➤➤➤

December 18, 

I figured a way to get a gift using the phone.

I don’t have to show myself in front of humans this way.

But I have to use hyung’s money sadly :( .

What should I get him?

Jimin thinks humans love gifts. 

Maybe this way hyung will ask more wishes after this.

But first I have to give him something amazing.

➤➤➤➤

December 24, 

Hyung invited me to his home.

We decorated the home and baked cookies.

His house looks really pretty.

The cookies look tasty.

Wish I could eat them even if it's just one time.

But looking at hyung eats it makes me happy :)

➤➤➤➤

January 18,

Went to a picnic with hyung.

The beauty of earth has no bound.

From the stabbing blades of grass to the sweet fragrance of newly budding flowers,

from the deep allure of the river to the bright lights of fireflies that surrounded us,

everything looked magical and astonishing.

I was soooo happy to be with hyung and see this scene.

I want to come here everyday and sit with hyung in between these flowers and birds.

Next time I wish we can spend more time here.

I wish Jimin could also see this.

➤➤➤➤

February 14,

Today seems to be a big day.

Once again hyung showed me one of the beautiful images of this world. 

Today we went to different places.

But the overall mood of the place was the same.

I felt the same feeling: happy and content.

➤➤➤➤

March 24,

Hyung asked for a wish after a long time.

To be clear he said he will ask but still has not asked the wish.

I thought he had forgotten about the contract all together.

I don’t know if i am happy or sad.

Happy that at last he did remember the contract.

Sad that maybe all this time together will stop from now on.

We will have to go back to how we were before he stopped asking wishes.

I have to wait and see.

➤➤➤➤

March 25,

I didn’t have to wait for long.

Hyung’s request was weird.

He wanted to ask me what happens to those who die.

I know humans don't know about this.

But I explained the entire process to hyung without describing it in depth.

For he should not know certain things.

That’s the secret of our realm that I reveal to anyone; not even hyung.

➤➤➤➤

July 4,

Hyung looks so sad and lost today.

I don’t know what happened.

But all I know is I want to be by his side today so that he won’t be too sad.

But I guess humans can feel sad sometimes and it's okay.

Even if he is sad today, I think he will be happy tomorrow or day after tomorrow or sometime after that.

Because his smile is the best in the world and he will never lose that.

That’s what I believe.

➤➤➤➤

August 9,

I wish I could preserve this moment.

Now I understand how those humans felt on the brink of their death.

I don’t want to let go of these feelings, these memories and these experiences.

Take a picture of this moment and preserve it forever.

And have hyung by my side in all these moments.