Archive of Our Own ^beta

Felicity's phone buzzed again with yet another text. She knew who it was from. 

Oliver had been clingier than usual. Ever since her brush with Cooper a couple of weeks ago, and his subsequent *cough cough selfish* declaration of his feelings for her, she had been steadily moving away from him. It probably helped that she wasn't starved for attention anymore. She had taken Ray into her bed, and the whole thing had made it easier for her to move on from Oliver. 

It had been 5 days since she and Ray had sex. The morning after, they had decided to keep their relationship purely professional in the workplace, which was not easy as it seemed that Ray wanted to watch her get flushed. They'd be sitting at the conference table, and without even looking at her, he would press his hand into her knee. She would glare at him, and Ray, having a smug smile on his face that always got hear heart thumping wildly, would slowly drag his fingers farther up her thigh until they were beneath her skirt. He never tried anything else while they were sitting there, just his hand on her thigh. It was enough however, to make her wish they hadn't made the pact. There were other times as well. When they were looking at plans for the Applied Sciences Division and he would press up against her, to any other person it seemed innocent, but Felicity knew the truth. He was tempting her.

At the moment she and Ray were reading up on the new tech stations for the division since the last one had been blown up. They were sitting side by side, and Felicity could practically feel his stare as she ignored yet another text. She didn't want to hear from Oliver. It was bad enough that she had to see him almost every night, but she didn't want him to invade her day anymore than he had to. 

"Should you get that?" Ray asked from beside her. Felicity let out a deep breath.

"No. He'll eventually get the message that I don't want to talk to him." At least she hoped he would. Oliver had never been great at taking suggestions. 

"He? Do you have another boyfriend that you're not telling me about, Smoak?" Ray joked. 

Her mind was caught on boyfriend. They had never specifically talked about the nature of their relationship before, and she thought this was the closest they would get.

"Boyfriend? Is that what you are to me?" Felicity asked as she turned towards him, her hair falling over in front of her face.

Ray immediately raised his hand and tucked the errant strands behind her ear and cupped her cheek.

"I didn't know what else to call it. Friends with benefits sounds too college-y, and I thought we were more than that. I could have said lovers, but I hate that word and--" 

"Don't worry I hate it too. It's just that we've never um, talked about it before. There was no talking before we did tangoed."

Ray barked out a short laugh.

"So who's the guy texting you?" She didn't hear any trace of jealousy that she thought. Just curiousness.

"My um, well he's kind of my ex. We went on a date and then we decided that it probably wasn't the best idea to continue our relationship. He has issues with letting go of things which aren't his."

Ray's eyes widened. "Oh, that kind of guy."

"Yeah, I don't think he's gotten the message yet," Felicity muttered as she pressed ignore on a call from Oliver. 

"Do you want to hang out tonight?"

Felicity's head perked up. "What?"

Ray rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, looking nervous, and stood up in front of the desk. "Well, we haven't really had a chance to talk since that night at your place, and I think we should try and see what will happen?" 

Felicity smiled. "What does hanging out entail?" She stood up and walked until she was in front of him.  

Ray puts his arms around her waist, and smiles down at her. 

"Well, there could be dinner cooking, movies, wine, whatever sounds good to you?" 

Felicity wrapped her hands around Ray's neck. "I think dinner and wine sounds amazing."  She pressed a quick peck to his lips.

"Good. I'll be at your place at, say, 8:00?" 

Felicity stepped back from him and turned to head back to him. "Don't be late."

Felicity was nervous. 

It had been a while since she was on a real date. She didn't count the one with Barry in Central City because that was a double date and it was with Barry, so it didn't really count because Barry was in love with Iris. 

They were just having dinner in her house. She didn't have to wear anything too dressy, so she decided on a simple cream colored cashmere sweater with skinny jeans and an infinity scarf. Admittedly, she wanted to look nice for Ray. Felicity curled the ends of her hair and left her makeup simple. 

Ray said he was picking up takeout. All they had to do was put it in the oven.

At 8 o'clock sharp, the doorbell rang, and she opened it to find Ray standing there with a big bag of takeout from the small Italian bistro down a couple of blocks. Ray was dressed in a black dress shirt and dark jeans. When he saw her, a smile lit up his features. 

"Hi beautiful," Ray said as she ushered him into her apartment. He pressed a chaste kiss to her cheek.

"Hi yourself." 

"What do you mean they didn't understand?" Felicity wheezed out as she laughed. 

"Turns out, not everyone in the world knows about Quantum physics and nuclear fission. They thought I was talking about Star Trek." Ray's eyes were shining with mirth. 

Felicity took another bite of her Sausage Tortellini and couldn't stop smiling.

"So, Ms. Smoak. Tell me about yourself." Ray puts down his fork and leans back in his chair to stare at her. 

"Born and raised in Las Vegas,and the second I could, I ran out of town as fast as I could. I graduated from MIT with a Masters in Computer Science and Cyber Security when I was 21, and after---"

Ray leaned forward and grabbed her hand. "No, I mean, your story. 'Who is Felicity Smoak?'" 

Felicity wiped her mouth on her napkin and looked at her date. She wasn't used to people asking personal questions about herself. She looked down at her food and picked around it. 

"When I walk into a room, I immediately look for an open space, because I know that no one is going to look at me as if I'm anything other than a geek. I've always had problems with being socially awkward, and sometimes I think people can sense that when they meet me. I'm insecure, and I wish I wasn't, but all of my faults make me who I am." Felicity paused and grimaced. "When I was younger, my mother thought I had a disorder because I was so quiet. After my dad left my mother and me, um, I stopped talking for a long time. My mother took me to psychiatrist classes, and to therapy, but nothing helped. I just shut myself up because I was afraid that if I said anything, more people would leave me. Eventually, I just decided to pretend so that she wouldn't worry about me. I said everything that came to mind, and I guess that stuck, because now I don't even have a brain to mouth filter. When I was in college, my boyfriend and I walked the line of right and wrong, and he got arrested for something that I did. My senior year, I found out that he had hung himself before he could get sentenced. My boyfriend killed himself because he took the fall for me." She didn't mention that

Felicity looked up from her plate and saw that Ray was staring at her with something like understanding. She shook off her sad thoughts, and asked him the same.

"Who is Ray Palmer?"

"I'm an only child of a political marriage. My parents, they married because they needed to, and while friendship came from their union, there was never love. I grew up having everything handed to me, but I was isolated. I took all of the opportunities handed to me, and left Coast City to go to college."

"And your family?"

A pained look crosses Ray's face.

"When I was 16, I got home from school one day and I found my mom hanging from her bathroom ceiling. She had left a note that said how she was sorry and that she loved me, but she couldn't take being in a loveless marriage anymore. I don't know how long I sat there, before the butler found me. I hated my father after that." 

Felicity put her napkin on her table and walked around it until she was in front of Ray. She knelt down and took his face into her hands.

"That is terrible. I am so sorry, Ray," she pulled Ray into her arms, and rubbed his back. 

He pulled back.

"We've both gone through really bad things, Felicity. " 

Felicity smiled and nodded her head. 

Ray's eyes flicked between hers and her lips, and he leaned forward to kiss her softly. 

'This was nice," Felicity thought as her mouth moved against his. 

Ray lowered his hands to rest on her waist and picked her up until she was between him and the table. She wrapped herself around him and kissed him harder. 

Ray pulled back and cradled her face with his hands.

"I should go."

Felicity's stomach dropped. "Why?" 

Ray pressed a quick kiss to her lips. "Because if I don't, I will do something I will probably regret later."

Felicity frowned. "It's not like we haven't done this before."

Ray carded his fingers through her hair. "I know, and it was amazing, but I want to take our time with this. I don't want to rush things with you."

Felicity smiled. 

"And who says there aren't good guys in the world anymore?"