Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Day 1

On a Friday in May 2012, after classes end for the day, the study group troupes the couple hours up to Pierce's cabin on Lake Granby for a long weekend escape. They were nearing the end of their third year at Greendale and wanted to celebrate getting through what had been a dark couple semesters. Our story begins at their arrival.

Britta, Troy, and Abed were already waiting on the front steps when Jeff pulled up in his Lexus with Annie and Pierce. As the newcomers stepped out of the car, Britta tried, too obviously, to hide her joint. Troy giggled, having clearly partaken as well. Annie pulled a tight frown.

With a wave that doubled as both a hello to his friends and a swatter for the mosquito that had already found him, Jeff stepped around to the trunk and began to unload their luggage.

"Annie," he called. "Did you really need to bring your school books? Wait, what is this bag? Art supplies?"

She bounced to the back of the car. "Our biology final is a diorama about the local ecology of a watershed. I thought maybe I could get a head start! There are bound to be all sorts of interesting animal and plant species around this lake."

"You're insufferable."

Pierce gave a big stretch, hands up to the sky, and a loud, "Ahhhh! This is it, ladies and ladies! The old homestead."

"How long has this place been in your family?" Britta asked. "It's beautiful."

"Oh, 150 years at least," Pierce responded proudly, hands on his stomach and surveying the grounds. The house was a sprawling structure, but clearly built to maintain the traditional log cabin ambiance. It was a single story with a deep, covered front porch and freshly planted gardens all around. Surrounded by woods on three sides, the left wall faced an open field with a winding path down to the lake and a private beach. A small yacht rocked beside the pier. Mountains framed the lake, and cotton-ball clouds reflected in the unseasonably warm Spring water.

"Yep, my great-great grandfather, Cornelius Archibald Hawthorne, was one of the first settlers in Colorado," Pierce continued. "Drove the savages off these lands and right over that ridge there. It was quite the massacre!"

"Ugh!" Britta leapt up from her seat on the front steps. "Our vacation is based on the illegal slaughter of innocent first peoples?"

"Legend has it, when the surviving Indians tried to sail away across the lake, the Hawthornes shot them, sank their canoes, and used the wood to build this cabin!"

"I'm going to be sick," Britta held her hand to her mouth and ran around the side of the house.

"There's still an Indian graveyard on the property!" Pierce shouted after her.

"Lay off her, Pierce," Jeff reprimanded, as he dropped three suitcases on the porch and headed back to the car for more. "There's a zero percent chance any of that is true."

"Bloodshed. Genocide. Revenge." Abed looked excited. "Have there ever been any supernatural events here?"

"There have been plenty of super au-naturale events here, if you know what I mean..."

"Ew, Pierce!" Annie scolded.

"I don't know what you mean," Troy said. "Wait, 'ooooh natural?' So there are ghosts here!"

Abed nodded in agreement. Troy grinned. "Sweeeet." But his wistful look was replaced seconds later with wide eyes and the dawning realization that he could realistically get either possessed or dragged into the gates of hell this weekend.

"There's no such thing as ghosts, Troy." Jeff plopped the last of the bags down. "Annie, if you ever bring this much stuff again, you're no longer allowed to ride with me."

"Hey, where's my bag?" Pierce asked.

"Get it yourself, John Rolfe."

"No. Way!" Troy shouted from the hallway.

He ran into the living room. "Abed! Look what I found in the closet!" Troy held up a dusty board game box that read, "Jumanji."

"This is it," Abed whispered, gingerly tracing the edges of the box.

"I shouldn't ask this but... what's 'it'?" Jeff was already grimacing from his spot on the couch.

"The souls of those slaughtered on Land Hawthorne," Abed gestured all around him. "They're here... trapped within the game."

"I don't know if we should play that..." Annie was sitting on the other end of the couch, legs tucked up and arms crossed.

"Don't tell me you believe this nonsense." Jeff looked pointedly over at her. "It's Abed. He's trying to give our quiet, relaxing, uneventful weekend a plot."

"I don't know," Britta chimed in, swinging in the indoor hammock and popping Let's potato chips in her mouth. "I'd have a score to settle if some old white guys murdered me for no reason."

"And what if they had a reason?" he responded. "Because I can think of a few."

Britta stuck out her tongue at him.

"I don't really want to battle 200-year-old dead dudes. But I do want to play this game. And if it all goes south..." Troy held a fist up to his mouth and pretended to choke back tears. "I know you guys have got my back."

"I don't have your back," Pierce said, walking into the room. "In a haunting situation, it's either the cute girl or the black guy who gets taken out first. That's just American Cinema 101."

Britta and Annie eyed each other and both mouthed, "You?"

Troy stared at Pierce, deadpan. "Or if it all goes south, we can just give them Pierce."

"Jumanji? Jumanji? Jumanji?" Abed pointed around the room.

"Helllooooo," a warm voice trilled through the cabin as the late arrival shuffled in the front door.

"Shirley!" everyone cheered.

"Shirley, thank God," Jeff dropped his head onto the back of the couch in relief. "Tell me you brought dinner, so we don't get sucked into an Abed adventure."

"Oooh an Abed adventure, that sounds fun. What's happening?"

"Pierce's ancestors murdered a bunch of Indians to build this house and their souls are trapped in this board game," Troy said.

"It's a game that pursues you," Abed continued. "Decode rhyming card messages that could spell disaster."

"Oh that's... nice." As Andre and her boys walked through the door with bags of groceries and Chinese takeout, Shirley headed into the kitchen muttering, "This is why I don't hang out with you people on the weekends."

An hour later, Andre volunteered to clean up from dinner. Shirley went to put little Ben down for the night. And the other kids, Elijah and Jordan, snuck off to play video games in the back bedroom. The rest of the group retook their seats in the living room.

"I still don't think we should play this," Annie said hesitantly as Troy opened the board game box.

"I agree," Jeff nodded. "Though I'm sure for entirely different reasons."

"If you're worried about rolling the dice, I don't think we're at risk of creating different timelines again," Abed mused. "There are only 7 of us playing, and Jumanji has an 8-sided die."

"Maybe a ghoooost is the eighth player," Britta fluttered her fingers in Abed's direction.

"The ghosts are in the game, idiot," Pierce scoffed.

"Plus, we're already dealing with alternate dimensions here," Abed continued. "Let's not confuse dimensions with timelines. It gets too complicated for the audience."

"OK well, dimensions, timelines. Sounds like we're messing with a lot of complicated stuff," Annie egged Abed on. "It's probably a bad idea."

"Did someone surgically remove your fun center in utero?" Troy asked.

"Such a buzzkill, right?" Britta looked around. No one even acknowledged her.

"Guys, we've had an insane year," Annie said. "Jeff killed Pierce's dad. We got expelled. The dean was kidnapped, and Chang tried to murder all of us. Can't we just... do something normal?"

"She's got a point," Pierce said.

"Yeah, maybe we shouldn't actively try to call up spirits of the undead," Troy considered.

"All in favor of getting black-out drunk instead?" Jeff raised his beer.

"To being normal!" Britta cheered, and clinked Jeff's bottle, sloshing her already half-empty glass of gin everywhere.

"I don't want no normal," Shirley said, bustling into the room and scooting in between Jeff and Annie on the couch. "Kids are busy, mama's got a free night, let's smite some demons! Or whatever those two were talking about," gesturing at Troy and Abed.

"Great," Abed said eagerly. "Let's begin."

Chapter Text

"The rules of the game are simple," Abed began. "We each have a rescue die. Depending on what space the player lands on (Danger, Jungle, Rhino, Wait For 5 or 8), we all roll our rescue dice to try and save them. If we fail, we add a doomsday card to the grid. Fill up the doomsday grid, and we all lose. Be the first to reach the game board center, and yell "Jumanji!" And you win."

"Do any of us actually 'win' here?" Jeff took another swig of beer.

"And how exactly do we free the ol' redskins, Ay-bed?" Pierce asked.

"Could you be any more offensive if you tried?" Britta rolled her eyes.

"Three," Jeff said, looking at his watch.

"What? I just want to bring them some peace after all this time..." Pierce looked offended.

"Two."

"Aww," Annie and Shirley chimed.

"One."

"You know, I'm offended you think I'm racist against Native Americans just because of my family history. My fourth wife was 1/4 Navajo."

Britta looked a little ashamed.

"Of course, she was also 3/4 regular hoe..."

"There it is," Jeff relaxed back onto the couch and put his feet up.

"The person who suggests the game goes first," Abed refocused the conversation. "That's Troy."

Troy palmed the die and then looked at Abed. "You sure this is a good idea?"

"It's a great idea."

30 minutes of game play and four arguments later...

"Are you OK, Brit-ta?" Shirley trilled, as Britta rubbed her neck and looked at the window behind her for the third time that night.

"What? Yeah. I just keep getting this feeling that we're being watched."

"We aaaare," Abed mirrored Britta's flutter fingers from earlier.

"Shut up, Abed. I'm serious."

"It's your roll Annie," Troy passed her the die.

She rolled a 1 and moved her pawn.

"A blank space! Jungle dangers threaten you." Abed said, handing her a danger card from the drawpile. "Put it under the decoder, and tell us what symbol you got."

"It's an open door," Annie said.

"Guys!" Britta threw her hands up in the air. "Nobody heard that?"

"Sorry, that was me," Pierce chuckled, embarrassed. "Chinese food makes me gassy."

Troy grimaced.

"I didn't hear anything," Shirley said sweetly.

"Was it a Native American war cry?" Jeff joked.

"This feels like Abed's Halloween story from last year. It must be an escaped mental patient coming to kill us all!" Annie exclaimed dramatically. "Where's the radio?"

Troy started humming Daybreak, "Mm mm mm mm mmmm mm. Mm mm mm mm mm."

They all joined in, "Mm mm mm mm mmmm mm. Mm mm mm mmm mmmmm."

Jeff snorted into his drink. He and Annie leaned around Shirley to grin at each other. Shirley glared at both of them.

"There!" Britta shouted, and jumped up to look out the window. "You must have heard that one."

"Actually, yeah," Troy got serious fast. "I did hear that."

"I told you! There's someone out there!"

"It's happening," Abed spoke with an air of both awe and authority. "Annie, get your gun. But remember, we don't shoot first. This is the time for peace negotiations, people! We want to save their souls, not damn ourselves."

CRASH! The house shook, and everyone jumped to their feet with a shout.

Troy danced around, shaking his arms and whimpering. Abed – his grin replaced with wide-eyed shock – grabbed the game instruction manual and started speed reading.

"Ohh looord, what have we dooone?" Shirley crossed herself frantically.

"I'm too young to die!" Pierce cried out.

"That's debatable." Jeff couldn't resist the throwaway jab.

They heard scuffling around the corner of the house.

"JEFF!" Annie implored. "Do something!"

He grabbed a lamp off the side table and threw open the front door, running onto the porch with Pierce on his tail. Silence. Jeff stepped down onto the grass, pulled his phone out of his pocket, and turned on the flashlight. There looked like some kind of figure hurrying away into the trees, but he couldn't make it out.

"I'm right behind you!" Pierce called, still on the porch with no intention of moving.

Peeking around the corner, Jeff saw the trash cans uncovered and laying on their sides, one leaning against the outer wall of the house. Propping them upright again, he shined the light on the ground around the area. The dirt looked disturbed, but there weren't any paw prints or... wait. A few feet away, he knelt on the ground to get a closer look. A footprint. Shit.

Jeff flashed the light around again toward the woods, the field, and the path to the lake. All was quiet. But the hairs on the back of his neck tingled. Following the sensation, he turned around to see everyone huddled against the window, looking out at him.

He brushed off the eeriness, gave a thumbs up, and headed back into the cabin.

"Something got into the trash cans," Jeff announced, locking the door securely behind him. "It was probably just a raccoon."

"Or a mountain lion. My aunt always said there are a bunch of those up here."

"It wasn't a mountain lion, Troy. I didn't see any big paw prints." Everyone looked hesitant. "Guys, we're fine."

"That's right, whatever it was, Jeffrey and I scared it off," Pierce said confidently. Jeff scowled.

"I'll tell you what it was. It was Jesus telling me to stop acting foolish and get to bed." Shirley disappeared down the hallway.

"Yeah, I think I'm done with this game," Britta agreed.

"Wait," Abed all but begged. "If nobody yells 'Jumanji,' the game is incomplete, and we could still get sucked into the jungle while we sleep!"

"JUMANJI!" Pierce shouted.

"I don't think it works like that..." Abed flipped through the manual again.

Annie, Troy, and Britta started putting the game away and cleaning up the living room. Jeff pulled Pierce off to the side.

"Pierce, I saw a footprint by the trash cans. Are there any other cabins around here?"

"Sure, there are plenty of lake houses. Not right here," he added proudly. "We've got quite a bit of land..."

"It could have been some kids messing around then."

"What? You saw someone outside?" He hadn't noticed Annie sidle up on their conversation.

"No, no..." Jeff started. "...Maybe. There was one footprint around the side of the house."

Annie looked at the window, concerned.

"Seriously, don't worry about it. We were out there a lot today, I'm sure it's one of ours."

Abed passed by, "Or..."

"Don't be a villain, Robin Williams."

Jeff had escaped to his room to begin his extensive nighttime skin care routine, while everyone finished cleaning up from the evening.

Pushing thoughts of intruders from his mind and debating whether Annie actually knew how to use her gun, he padded back out of the en-suite bathroom. And stopped short. On the other side of the room was Annie, facing away from him. He caught a glimpse of the porcelain skin on her lower back and waist as she slipped a night shirt over her head. His stomach flipped.

"Annie," he said slowly. "What are you doing?"

She whirled around and sputtered a little. Jeff was barefoot and bare-chested, wearing just a dark pair of sweatpants. He stifled a grin.

"Sorry, I knocked, but you were in the bathroom." She quickly composed herself. "I have to sleep in here tonight, if that's OK... Shirley's kids fell asleep in Britta's and my room. Abed has the couch, and Britta and Troy took the air mattress."

"Britta's sleeping with Troy?" Jeff yanked the door open and peaked out into the living room.

"I'm sure it'll all be sorted out tomorrow. But between staying with Pierce or you, this was kind of the obvious choice."

"Right. Well, you take the bed. I'll just – I can sleep on the deck chair."

"Jeff, no way! You're not sleeping outside when there might be... something out there."

Jeff glanced sideways at the bed. "I'll sleep in my car."

"No! This is fine, really," she said, stepping forward and touching his arm with a soft smile. "Honestly, I'll feel safer if you're here."

They locked eyes for a moment.

Jeff abruptly turned and walked out the door. "I have to get some water."

He hurried into the dim kitchen. Annie could have asked Shirley to move the boys. Or she could have taken the couch instead of Abed. But she was in his room. With the small bed. And the thin pajamas. Jeff drank the water in one gulp and set the glass down on the counter a little harder than he intended to. Abed glared at him over the back of the couch.

Oops. Get a freaking grip, Winger.

By the time he headed back into the bedroom, the lights were off, and he could just make out Annie's outline under the blankets. He threw a T-shirt on and slid in too, flat on his back, as close to the edge (and as far away from Annie) as he could get. It wasn't far enough. He could still feel her legs fidgeting beside him.

This is fine.

"It was probably just a raccoon, right?"

Annie's back was to him but her voice lilted through the dark, and Jeff turned his head to face her. Her hair flared out on the pillow toward him. He could smell it. Eucalyptus?

Yeah, this is fine.

"Nah, it was definitely restless Native American spirits."

"Jeff!" Her hand flew back to swat his chest, like she always did. But she could barely reach at this angle, and her fingers instead trailed lightly down his side before pulling away.

Mhmm, yep, all fine.

"You're letting the game get to you. It's just Abed being Abed. You must know that."

"I know that, intellectually. He's looking for an escape. We all are. But stranger things have happened. No one would have thought that illegally breaking into Greendale to rescue the Dean from a deranged Dictator Chang and his army of child soldiers would be real either. But that's become, like, an average Thursday for us."

"Oddly true. Well, as Troy said, if it all goes south, I've got your back. But you have to have mine, too. Sound good?"

He could somehow feel her smile.

"Good night, Jeff."

It kind of was.

Chapter Text

Day 2

Annie wrapped her cardigan tighter around her chest and her fingers tighter around her coffee mug.

She was the first one up today. Always a morning person, Annie was used to tip-toeing around the apartment while Troy and Abed slept in. She was not, however, used to waking up with a companion, nearly having a heart attack when she remembered WHO that companion was, and then sneaking stealthily out of said companion's bed.

A thick fog had rolled in overnight and with it, a quiet chill. The mountain air was damp, but fresh. Normally, her mind raced with to-do lists, worries, and come-back lines that she wished she had thought of when they were actually relevant.

But this morning, sitting on the porch chair surrounded by a cloud so dense she could barely make out the cars parked nearby, Annie felt enveloped in a peaceful, content little bubble.

The door to the cabin creaked open. Elijah and Jordan inched through it, stifling giggles and shutting it silently behind them. They jumped a little when they saw Annie.

"Good morning." She smiled broader than she normally would have, a bit ashamed that she held a grudge against a 10- and 12-year-old for stealing her bedroom last night and making her sleep with... not that she slept with... well, anyway.

"You're up early," she continued. "Where are you going?"

"We're going to the beach!" the younger one, Jordan, exclaimed.

"Yeah," Elijah piped up. "We're looking for treasure."

Annie laughed. "Aww that sounds like fun! But it's too foggy today."

"I know, right..." Elijah looked around in awe. "This is going to make it SO. MUCH. BETTER."

The boys headed down the porch steps, and Annie jumped to her feet, setting her coffee mug on the banister.

"Wait! You really shouldn't go out there. You can't see anything, it's just not safe..."

"Yeah, OK, mom." They kept walking down the steps anyway.

Well, forget the peaceful, content little bubble. Annie glanced nervously back at the cabin wall, really wishing anyone else was awake right now.

You know what? Forget that. They were kids. Just kids. And she was the adult in charge. She would put her foot down, be assertive, make eye contact, and they would just have to listen to her. Yes.

Pulling herself up to her full height (which, in all honesty, was barely more than Elijah), she said firmly: "Boys! I'll... I'll tell your mother! Yeah, that's right. We'll see what she has to say about this!"

Elijah and Jordan stopped and looked at each other.

A-ha! That's right, munchkins. Annie's out here laying down the law-

With two little "whoop!"s, the rascals turned and charged into the fog.

What? That making eye contact thing typically achieved results. Annie lunged after them quickly enough to grab Jordan's backpack. He wiggled out of it and kept running.

"Ugh!! Wait!"

Annie set off at a full sprint after the hollering kids, tossing the backpack to the ground.

By the time she caught up with them, they had slowed to a walk, following the path down to the lake.

"This is just like that movie, The Mist," Elijah said.

"What's that?" Jordan asked.

"It's a horror movie," Elijah spoke in a low, slow voice. "There are evil creatures out in the fog... big monsters with six legs and tentacles, and if you go outside, they'll EAT YOU."

"Ooook," Annie glanced around anxiously, although there wasn't really a point. She couldn't see more than five feet in front of her. "Why don't we just tone it back, huh?"

"THAT. SOUNDS. AWESOME!!" Jordan jumped up and pumped a fist in the air.

The path finally let out onto the beach, and they followed the slope of the field grasses down toward the water.

"Hey! Look at this!" Elijah pointed to a little orange light flickering through the fog.

As they got closer, the edge of a makeshift fire pit came into view. It was a simple hole in the sand, rimmed with damp driftwood, and a still smoldering ember in the center. A wispy trail of smoke danced upward to become one with the fog.

Annie froze.

"Sweet!" Elijah and Jordan jumped around excitedly. "We can totally have a bonfire!"

They had passed other houses on their drive up the mountain yesterday, but none that she could remember within at least a mile of here. And yet someone had been on this beach... recently.

"Boys, we need to go."

They ignored her, continuing to talk excitedly about what foods to roast on the fire.

Jeff had seen a footprint outside last night. And though he played it off, she was pretty sure he had actually seen a person out there, too. And what if Abed was right about the spirits?

"I'm serious... Let's go back to the cabin, please."

The fire was still smoldering. Someone could be there now, watching them, waiting, ready to... There was a reason she didn't watch horror movies.

"I SAID GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!!"

The boys stopped short at the unexpected outburst.

Seconds later, a scream pierced the sky.

The three of them whipped around and, without uttering another word, charged back toward the cabin.

Chapter Text

Troy woke with a start and sat bolt upright, wobbling on the flimsy air mattress. He had heard two little "whoop!"s and muffled voices outside.

Britta was snoring beside him. (That's annoying. Noted.) He looked over at the figure on the couch. Abed was awake too, only his eyes and fingertips visible above the blanket. He wiggled his eyebrows.

They both rose and crept toward the front door, greeted by nothing but silence and heavy mist when they stepped onto the porch. They stood shoulder to shoulder; arms crossed.

"It's an ethereal fog," Abed whispered. "Almost, otherworldly."

"And cold," Troy nodded sagely. "Almost, too cold. You don't think..."

"I do."

In unison: "We're not in Colorado anymore."

"This," Abed said, gesturing around with a pointed finger, "is Jumanji. And soon, it will begin."

He spotted Annie's steaming mug of coffee on the porch banister and picked it up curiously. The two men gave each other meaningful looks.

"The reckoning."

As if on cue, a wail came from inside the cabin.

Sharing another knowing glance, they stepped back inside.

Jeff staggered bleary-eyed out of his bedroom.

Britta tripped off the air mattress onto the living room floor. "What's going on?" she slurred.

Shirley barreled into the living room, holding Ben; Andre hot on her heels. "Have you seen my babies?"

Troy and Abed exchanged another glance.

"What was that look?" Shirley shrieked. They had never seen her so loud and flustered. "You know where they are?"

"AHHHHHHH!" Pierce surged into the room waving a fire poker over his head.

Everyone ducked and shouted: "AHHHHHHH!"

"Pierce! Put that thing away!" Jeff yanked the fire poker out of his hands.

"What's happening?" Pierce demanded. "Who screamed?"

"Tell me where my children are or so help me...!" Shirley dropped Ben in Troy's arms and got as close to Abed's face as she could.

"We haven't seen them," Abed said, as nonchalant as ever. "But you should probably look outside." He jabbed his thumb over his shoulder toward the door.

"Shirley's kids are missing?" Pierce asked. Thinking about the footprint from last night, he glanced at a very tense Jeff. "You don't think..."

"The jungle has claimed its first victims."

"Abed! Stop it!" Jeff shook the fire poker. Everyone ducked again. He threw it to the floor.

Shirley let out an extended whimper, and she and Andre ran outside.

"Why should they look outside?" Britta asked. "What's out there?"

Abed wiggled his eyebrows again.

"Also, where's Annie?" Pierce asked, looking around.

Before Pierce had even finished the question, Jeff swung back around into the bedroom. Jerked awake by Shirley's wail moments before, he hadn't even thought to check for Annie before rushing out of the room. The bed was empty. So was the bathroom.

Britta narrowed her eyes. "And why would you look for her in there..."

"There was a coffee cup outside," Troy offered quietly. "It was probably hers."

Jeff paced the living room, looking a little wild.

"I'll text her." Britta got out her phone. "Nevermind, no service."

Abed stared intently at the floor, eyes darting from side to side. "She rolled the danger card last night. It was an open door. Troy," Abed shot a sharp look at his friend. "Annie is the one who opened the gateway to Jumanji."

"Enough!" Jeff rounded on Abed.

He had tried to protect the group by not telling them about the figure running into the woods last night, and now three people were missing. Annie was missing. His guilt was in overdrive. "This isn't a game anymore! Snap out of whatever fantasy world you've conjured up for yourself this time and get serious!"

"Jeff, leave him alone. He's just trying to cope."

"We're all trying to cope, Britta. But pretending some ghosts jumped out of a board game and dragged Annie and the kids to Kingdom Come isn't helping anyone!"

"Technically, they didn't jump out of the game. We got pulled into it."

Jeff looked about ready to punch Abed in the face.

"I warned you this would happen if nobody reached the game board center."

Before the two could argue further, a scream pierced the sky. The group bolted out the door just as Shirley stepped into view, holding Jordan's abandoned backpack.

Chapter Text

Not sure how to react, no one spoke as Shirley held the backpack limply out in front of her.

The sound of running feet broke the uncomfortable silence. And moments later, Elijah, Jordan, and Annie burst through the fog. Shirley let out yet another screech and pulled the boys into a bosomy hug. The weight of her relief nearly dragged them to the ground.

Britta pounced on Annie. Pierce clasped his hands in front of him with unabashed glee. Jeff grabbed the porch banister column, feeling suddenly faint.

Abed looked slightly disenchanted.

"Is everyone alright?" Annie asked, distraught, as she led Britta back up onto the porch. Shirley stayed behind, smothering her kids with both kisses and scorn.

"Other than thinking you'd been kidnapped?" Britta asked. "Where the hell were you?"

Looking around at the expectant group, Annie hoped no one could tell she was shaking. "Guys, I don't think we're alone up here."

She glanced furtively at Jeff. He stiffened again, eyes darting between the trash cans and the woods.

"I knew it." The enchantment returned to Abed's eyes.

"Someone built a fire pit on the beach," Annie continued. "And recently. It's still smoking."

"Someone or something?" Troy asked seriously, covering baby Ben's ears.

"Did the site look ritualistic? Was there enough smoke to, say, conjure up a supernatural fog?"

"Abed," Britta narrowed her eyes. "Did you sneak out in the middle of the night and stage a fire pit? Are you trying to make Jumanji happen?"

"Normally, yes. But I can't take credit here. This story writes itself."

"Jeffrey," Pierce nudged conspiratorially. "I think we should tell them."

The group turned questioningly to Jeff. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, shoulders slightly hunched.

"OK, so, it may not have been a raccoon in the trash cans last night."

"Jeff..." Britta warned.

"We saw footprints," Pierce explained.

"I saw one footprint," Jeff grumbled. "You stood on the porch and did nothing."

"What??" Britta was infuriated at being kept in the dark.

"A single footprint..." Abed mused.

"I can see Jeff keeping secrets," Troy said. "But you, Pierce? We were roommates, man." With a dramatic glance from side to side, he added under his breath, "I got Sofía deported for you."

Annie and Britta gasped.

"I didn't want to scare you," Pierce shrugged.

"You kept a nightmare troll outside my bedroom for a year."

"Well, that was just funny. Besides, don't all gang up on me. Annie knew too."

Britta, Troy, and Abed rounded on her.

"I... may... have partially overheard..."

Britta threw her hands up in the air.

"Et tu, Annie?" Troy looked betrayed.

"Who knew doesn't matter," Jeff interrupted. "It's probably just kids running around being stupid. But if you're actually worried, we'll do the obvious thing."

"Beat the game."

"Become ghostbusters."

"Set Home Alone traps."

"Hold a seance?"

"Ugh, cretins." Jeff was getting a stress headache. "Call the police."

"What would they even do? Lure the intruder out of hiding with some choice donuts?" Britta scoffed.

"Britta's right," Abed said.

"Think about what you just said," Jeff intoned dryly.

"The police are worthless here," Abed continued. Britta gestured a thank you, you see? "They only show up after the intruder has already been subdued."

"Abed, I can't believe how often I have to say this. We are not in a classic movie trope."

"Tropes follow life, Jeff. Tropes follow life. We all know the only way to end this... is to finish the game."

"End what?" Shirley asked. Calmer now, she ushered her family inside and took Ben back from Troy with a smile.

"Shirley," Britta began patronizingly. "Don't freak out."

"Telling me not to freak out freaks me out." Her smile was gone.

"There was someone outside the cabin last night."

"But Jeff said-"

"Forget what Jeff said, he's a liar and a pompous ass."

"Britta!" Annie scolded, then turned back to Shirley to take up the story. "Someone was also on the beach this morning."

"Nope. Uh-uh. That's enough for me," Shirley bustled inside. "We're going home."

"You won't be able to leave!" Abed called, following her.

"I'm sure not leaving," Pierce said. "No one can drive me off my own property – spirit or otherwise!"

"No one's leaving," Jeff said gruffly. "You're all making a big deal out of nothing."

"Says the guy who had a heart attack the second Annie went missing," Britta grumbled.

"Aww," Annie fiddled with her hair.

Abed returned to the porch, holding the open Jumanji box. "Where are the two main dice?" he asked.

"Well, Britta, no one was missing. So let's just go inside and forget about this whole thing."

"Classic Winger," Britta retorted, arms crossed.

"Excuse me?"

Troy stepped next to Abed. "I put them away," he answered, peering into the box.

"When things get serious, Jeff gets gone," Britta continued. "Ignore the thing, and it doesn't exist."

"I don't do that."

"Oh please," Annie scoffed, then looked askance that she had spoken out loud. Jeff raised an eyebrow at her.

Shirley poked her head out the door. "Does anyone know where my keys are?"

"Jeffrey Winger, the exceptional narcissist," Britta gestured wildly, really working herself up. "Why didn't you tell us when you saw someone outside, huh? You wanted to be the only one with the power? You needed us to need you?"

Jeff began to visibly bristle.

"They're by the door with ours," Annie answered Shirley, escaping awkwardly into the cabin. Jeff glanced her way as she left.

He struggled to keep his voice calm when addressing Britta. "You've really got me pegged, don't you?"

"Or was it – the answer here is 'yes,' by the way – that you just didn't want to deal with it?"

Jeff exploded. "Oh MY god, Britta. THIS is what I didn't want to deal with! This exact kind of pointless, pathetic overreaction! I'll say it louder for the people in the back – It's kids. Being. Kids. But fine, if you're going to be so uppity about it…"

"Uppity??"

"Um, Jeff?" Annie's voice trailed in from the other side of the doorway.

"…why don't I just go…"

"Jeff?" Annie called again.

"WHAT?"

"Someone stole our car keys."

Jeff whirled around.

Silence.

He stomped inside to see the empty shelf next to the front door. "That's not possible. I locked the door last night."

"Ghosts don't need a door," Troy said, eyes wide.

"Ghosts can't go through doors, stupid," Pierce said. "They're not fire."

"Oh, yeah? Tell that to our missing keys!"

"And dice," Abed added.

"Just... everybody shut up! I'm calling the police." Jeff picked up the landline phone from the sofa side table and, holding it to his ear, looked confused. He tapped the switch hook. Nothing.

Abed bent down behind the table and, slowly, rose back up. In his hand was a severed telephone cord.

"Is that...?" Pierce began.

Silence.

"Abed, if you're pulling pranks, now is the time to tell us," Shirley trilled, feigning optimism.

He shook his head.

Silence.

Even Jeff looked concerned.

"Pierce, is there any way to get into this cabin other than the locked front door?" Annie asked cautiously.

His pale and slightly clammy face indicated that was a hard no.

Abed fluttered his fingers and let out a barely audible, "Oooo."

"So, we can't go home," Annie whispered.

"We can't call for help," Troy sat numbly down on the living room chair.

"What are we going to do?" Shirley asked.

"Abed," Britta said finally. "Let's finish the game."

Chapter Text

"Great, you guys sit here and play a board game like children. As usual, I'll go be the adult," Jeff barked.

"Splitting up isn't a good idea, Jeff," Abed warned. "Traditionally, it does serve to keep the story moving, but I more favor strength in numbers right now."

"Yeah well, it beats staying here and doing nothing."

"Come on, gang," Pierce waved a heavy flashlight. "We've got a mystery to solve."

"Abed's right," Shirley cooed, concerned. "Don't go out there by yourself, Jeffrey. Who knows what may be lurking in the fog."

"Fine. Annie, you can show me the fire pit."

Annie jumped up from her place on the couch, eager for the call to action.

"How surprising," Britta rolled her eyes and then muttered an aside to Troy: "Can't have a hero fantasy without a damsel, I guess."

Troy seemed to miss the sarcasm. All he heard was "have a hero fantasy."

"I'm in!" he exclaimed. Britta, for what felt like the 50th time this weekend, threw her hands up in exasperation.

Annie led the way down to the lake with Jeff, Troy, and Pierce trudging mutely behind her.

"This fog reminds me of a woman," Pierce finally broke the silence.

Troy took the bait. "Why's that?"

"It goes on and on and on..."

"Ugh..." Jeff and Annie both groaned.

Pierce shrugged, and they all carried on quietly.

"If we are looking for a ghost," Troy spoke up again, "wouldn't it just blend right in with this fog?"

"We aren't looking for a ghost," Jeff grumbled.

"If a ghost built a physical fire pit, it would have had to take solid form," Annie called from her place in the front of the line.

Jeff stopped short. "Annie. Don't tell me you believe in ghosts now, too."

"I don't know, I'm just not so quick to rule it out after the locked-door-cut-cord-stolen-keys incident."

"OK, let's get one thing straight because frankly, I'm sick of talking about it," Jeff stressed each word with an emphatic finger point. "There. Are. No. Ghosts. This is NOT a supernatural fog. It is a regular fog. And there is a regular crazy person stalking us. OK? Feel better?"

"No," Pierce said.

Jeff muttered under his breath and resumed walking.

"Here it is." Annie wasn't sure why she was whispering. She definitely felt safer on the beach now than she did an hour ago. (It helped that Jeff seemed to never move more than three steps away.) But it still felt like something mighty spooky was going on here.

She knelt beside the fire pit and tapped a forefinger on the driftwood rim. The logs were all about the same width. Rounded on one side, but smoothed flat on the other. There weren't even any jagged edges.

"This doesn't look like typical driftwood," Jeff pondered, squatting down beside her. "It's too perfect."

"Had to have come from the water though," she responded. "The logs are still damp, even after the fire."

Troy's voice rang down from above them, "Sunken canoes…?"

Waves lapped at the shore nearby.

"Don't be silly."

"Jeff, look at this." Annie pointed to two distinct grooves in the sand leading down the beach.

"Drag marks?"

The grooves were parallel to each other, spaced about two or three feet apart. They began (or ended?) not far from the edge of the fire pit and trailed off into the fog. Annie stepped lightly in between the parallel grooves. She held both arms slightly out to her sides, as if she was dragging something in each hand, and walked off... following the grooves like a train track. The others followed.

After just a few seconds, they stopped. The grooves disappeared at the water's edge. There were no footprints. No unused driftwood. No sign of struggle. Just the gnawing indication that something had emerged from this lake.

Annie stared blankly out over the water, and then turned back to Jeff. His face was frozen.

Shirley bolted, unbolted, and rebolted the door. Couldn't be too careful.

Abed and Britta both peered out the window to watch their four friends head into the fog. Troy glanced back as he faded from view.

"What. An. Idiot," they both muttered.

After a shared sidelong glance, Abed spun back into the room. Back to business.

"Congratulations, team," he said, clapping his hands once. "You've made the right choice."

"I don't know about the right choice, but definitely the sane one." Britta reclaimed her seat on the indoor hammock. Maybe if she acted casual, she wouldn't feel so on edge. There was a chance she had guilted both Jeff and Troy into heading out on what now felt rather like a suicide mission. Best to just not think about it too much.

"Our expedition is going to need all the help it can get out there," Abed continued. "Lucky us, the ancient ghost thieves didn't know about our secret weapon: dice-rolling smartphone apps."

Shirley fidgeted with her cross necklace. The sound of video games and laughter emanated from the back bedroom. At least Andre was successfully keeping the boys busy.

"Our mission – should you choose to accept it (which you automatically did by staying here, so no take-backsies) – is simple." There was a definite glint in Abed's eye as he added, "Simple, but dangerous: Keep our friends safe, and beat Jumanji. We'll need to pick up the game exactly where we left off yesterday. I've set up the board."

He held out his phone. "Shirley, you were up next. God's speed."

"Whoever made this fire pit couldn't have stayed here long. There's no sign of life at all." Annie was busy shining her cell phone's flashlight on the sand, looking for any clues of who had been here or where they might have gone.

"Well that's telling," Pierce commented. "Maybe there are no signs of life because there was no life here. Maybe there was only after life."

"Get out of my brain," Troy nodded.

Jeff shook his head in mild frustration. "And now Pierce. They're dropping like flies."

"You know what, Jeffrey? I've had about enough of your holier-than-thou... ness. I'm going to take a leak." Pierced stomped off into the field and out of sight.

"OK... Let's everybody just try to stay rational and take a look at what we know," Annie said, putting on her forensics hat.

"First, there are no visible footprints. And we can still very clearly see the grooves from dragging the driftwood. So even if the rain overnight and the damp air from this fog erased the footprints, we know that they must have originally left less of an indentation in the sand than the driftwood did. So we can assume we're looking for someone small and light."

Jeff flashed her an appreciative grin, impressed by the quick detective work.

"Second, there's no trash. No leftover food. No flattened sand or extra leaves, branches, personal items... nothing. So we can also assume that the person didn't eat or sleep here."

"Ghosts don't need to eat or sleep," Troy said.

"They don't need a lit fire, either," Jeff shot back. "They also, incidentally, don't exist. Annie, continue."

"What made you so bitter? Who ruined you?" Troy asked indignantly.

"So," Annie interrupted before Jeff could retort, "all we need to figure out now is, where did they go?"

"I can answer that." Pierce strutted back into view, zipping up his fly triumphantly. "The sand might have quickly filled in our perp's footprints, but the mud didn't. There are footprints in the field over here. And they lead right into the woods."

Shirley, Abed, and Britta all rolled an axe on their rescue dice.

"Nice!" Abed pumped a fist. "Saved them from quicksand on the first try. And our expedition lives to fight another day!"

"There's only one entity with the power to directly influence the direction of our lives, Abed," Britta lectured. "And it's not a Jumanji board game."

Shirley looked incredulously hopeful. "God?"

"Ourselves."

"Oh, well, that's still very nice."

"And marijuana." Britta leaned over to dig around in her purse.

"Hmmph. I had high hopes for you for a minute there."

"Oh, Shirley," Britta smiled. "Don't forget, 'Jesus loves marijuana!'"

"Mm-hmm."

"It's your turn, Britta," Abed plopped the dice-rolling app in front of Britta. She kept rummaging through her purse. "I'll just roll for you," he said. "Danger card! Monsoon..."

He paused and flicked his eyes over to Britta. "A-ha!" she exclaimed, brandishing a rolling paper.

CRACK!

A flash of light and boom of thunder rent the air. And within moments, torrential rain began to pummel the windows.

"Well," Abed sighed. "You really Britta'd that one."

"What? What did I do?"

"Pierce, what a good find!" Annie squealed.

The four explorers followed the muddy prints right up to the edge of the forest. The fog was less prevalent beneath the canopy of trees, but so was the light. Jeff and Annie flicked on their cell phone flashlights, crossing beams in an X as they shone them about.

The footprints were a little more muted on the forest floor than in the field, but their path was still clear – depressions in the mud easily visible between the fallen leaves and moss. They trekked on.

"Hey, check it out," Annie tugged on Jeff's sleeve and shone her flashlight on some sliced-up branches beside them. "These look like axe marks."

They paused to study the branch stubs. Troy and Pierce kept walking, following the footprints.

"The driftwood may have come from the water, but it looks like we've found the source of the firewood," Annie murmured. "What do you think?"

She turned to Jeff. His face was dim in the glow of the flashlight, but his eyes were bright. And a tight smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

"I think you're really, really good at this, Annie."

She grinned and shrugged.

"You know, you should take forensics next year. Maybe you can work for the FBI one day."

"Really? You think?"

"Well, in the Denver office, obviously. You find the bad guys. I try the cases. We'll be unstoppable."

CRACK!

A flash of light and boom of thunder rent the air. Troy shouted somewhere ahead of them. Jeff instinctively pulled Annie closer. Within moments, torrential rain began to pummel them.

"You OK?" he shouted, gripping both of her shoulders and squinting down at her.

Annie laughed hysterically, blinking rain drops out of her eyes. "This mountain really has it out for us!"

The entire situation was so ridiculous and her glee was so infectious, Jeff couldn't resist. Joining in the laughter, he brushed thick strands of drenched hair out of Annie's face and left a lingering hand on her cheek. Those baby blues gazing up at him through wet lashes seemed even wider than usual.

"Heyo!" a voice rang out and two flashlight beams bounced closer.

Stiffening and remembering where he was, Jeff let go of Annie and whirled around. He sensed her inch slightly farther away and struggled to shake off how empty that little bit of extra distance made him feel.

"Troy? You guys OK?"

"Yeah," Troy was breathless. "But all this rain is erasing the footprints! The trail's gone cold."

"It's OK," Pierce trotted up, too. "I think I know where they were headed."

"Oh look," Shirley raised her eyebrows as the rain pounded on the sides of the cabin. "Britta whips out the devil's pipe, and we get struck with fire and brimstone."

"Ugh, marijuana comes from the Earth, Shirley. God created it. It's as natural as... homosexuality or... socialism."

Shirley just stared blankly at her.

Abed raised a finger. "I can't really tell, but I'm just going to assume, that this would be a good point in the conversation to change the subject and roll some rescue die." He deftly removed the rolling paper from Britta's hand and placed it back in her purse.

"OK, now let's all roll a raft symbol and stop this monsoon."

The downpour ceased as quickly as it began. And like magic, the trees parted.

Pierce, Troy, Annie, and Jeff stepped into a clearing. The fog thickened again now that they were out in the open, tendrils of clouds dancing across the ground in a misty haze. In the middle of the clearing stood a tall stone obelisk. Radiating out from it were expanding ring walls about two feet high, all made of stone as well. And within each ring, nestled in the moss that covered the earth, lay small grave markers.

"What in the Chamber of Secrets is this?" Troy asked, wandering off among the grave markers.

"It's the Indian burial ground I told you about yesterday," Pierce answered.

"Surprisingly tasteful," Annie commented.

"We maintain it. I'm not a terrible person, you know," Pierce responded. "Even I know respect for the dead is a thing."

"Guys, look at this!" Troy called from across the cemetery. As the three others approached, they realized he was bending over an open grave.

"Um, Pierce," Jeff began. "Is this still an active burial site?"

"No, not that I know of."

Annie knelt to the ground and ran her hands along the edges of the shallow plot. The moss was stamped down, and the edges were uneven, as if the earth there had been scratched and pulled. Piles of lose dirt lay scattered around.

"There's something in here," she said, reaching down into the gaping hole. Grimacing, she pulled up two Jumanji dice and... "Our car keys."

It was Britta's turn again. She landed on the rhino.

Abed's eyes lit up. "Don't be fooled. It isn't thunder. Staying put would be a blunder."

"What's that?" Shirley asked.

"It's from the movie. OK Britta, now take the rhino pawn and put it in front of any player on the board."

Britta placed the rhino in front of Annie's playing piece.

"Did you hear that?" Annie asked.

Jeff, Troy, and Pierce looked around cautiously. Leaves rustled behind them. The muffled sound of footsteps and scratching. They squinted to make out movement at the tree line.

"Being in a state of constant terror today is making me hungry," Troy whispered.

"I brought some snacks," Pierce whispered back, reaching into his pocket.

Jeff held up a warning hand. "Scooby, Shaggy, now is really not the time..."

The figure of a man stepped into the clearing. There was a sharp gasp, the shriek of a wild animal, and then the figure barreled back into the trees.

"Run!" Jeff yelled, and the group charged after him.

They stampeded through the forest, following the thunderous sounds of crashing and cursing somewhere ahead of them.

It was Abed's turn to roll.

"A jungle space... All players are trapped in the jungle unless we can all roll the symbol on the danger card before the timer runs out," Abed moved his playing piece forward and placed a danger card in the decoder.

"This will not be an easy mission; Monkeys slow the expedition," he read. Then he paused, closing his eyes in delight. "So awesome."

Sand trickled through the timer, and they picked up their rescue die.

"Come on, people," Abed encouraged. "If we win this, we'll be just one more step to the game board center."

Shirley and Britta eyed each other. "And if we don't win?"

"Stay together!" Jeff called, able to hear but not see the group as they plowed through the forest.

"He's too fast! We need Abed!" Troy was already out of breath.

"Follow me!" Pierce shouted. "I know these woods like the back of my... oof!"

"Pierce! Are you OK?" Annie stopped running and whirled around in a circle.

Troy tripped over Pierce, who was lying flat on the ground, felled by a prone tree trunk.

The air quieted around them.

The sand hourglass was almost empty. Abed, Britta, and Shirley continued to roll the rescue die.

"Great!" Jeff kicked the tree trunk in frustration. "Where'd he go?"

"Shhh..." Annie held her finger to her lips. The back of her neck tingled. "He's still here."

More wild shrieks echoed off to the right.

"What is that?" Troy ducked.

The ensuing cacophony of crunching leaves and snapping twigs sounded like it was coming from all around them. Jeff and Annie spotted it at the same time – a flash of color and shaking branches.

"This way!" they shouted, shoving each other through the foliage.

Just ahead, two figures, one human and one... not... leapt head-first into a thicket of bushes.

Jeff fell to his knees and crawled through as well. The thicket formed a long, cave-like crawl space. He saw feet disappear around a bend, and he shuffled quickly forward, the others scurrying in behind him.

"Time's up," Abed said.

The last of the sand trickled to the bottom of the timer. He placed the monkey danger card on the Doomsday Grid.

Jeff abruptly stopped crawling.

"Shhhh," he hissed, as Annie slammed into him. "Be quiet!"

The shuffling in the thicket ahead had stilled and a new whirring sound reverberated in the small space.

"This feels really familiar..." Jeff whispered.

At once, a thick plume of white smoke billowed through the crawl space.

"GET OUT!" Jeff yelled, the four of them a frantic tangle of arms and legs. "GET OUT GET OUT GET---"

Chapter Text

There was only one more space available on the Doomsday Grid.

"Abed," Britta asked. "What happens if we get another danger card?"

"We all lose."

A growing sense of unease had hovered over the room the past few game plays. And the three were beginning to feel not only useless but also ashamed that they hadn't followed their friends into potential danger... or at least stopped them from going in the first place.

"I need to check on the kids," Shirley disappeared down the hallway.

Britta was feeling especially anxious. She waited until Shirley was out of sight and then dumped her purse out on the side table, quickly rolling a joint. Taking a deep drag, Britta sighed, shimmied off the stress, and peeled back the curtains on the front window.

The fog was beginning to clear, but it still left a thin cloud hovering over the property. The expedition had been gone for too long. Something was wrong. She could sense it.

As if on cue, four figures chose that moment to emerge from the fog.

"They're back!"

Abed and Shirley ran to join Britta at the window.

Jeff stumbled slowly across the yard, arms hanging heavily at his sides and head low. Troy twirled in tight circles as he advanced forward, repeatedly falling off-balance to the ground. Annie was twitching like a zombie. Pierce skipped lightly alongside them.

All four were covered in some kind of pink and white foam.

Britta eyed the joint between her fingers suspiciously, then looked back out the window. "You see this too, right?"

Opening the front door, she and Shirley cautiously stepped onto the porch. "Guys...? Are you OK...?"

As one, the advancing four stopped still in their tracks. They stared the two women down. And in unison – as if out of a horror film – they cocked their heads robotically to the right.

Shirley pulled Britta's arm. "Brit-ta, they're not right… Let's go back inside..."

But before they could move, a stranger sprang from the fog. He wore a loin cloth, necklaces, body paint, and a feather warbonnet. In one leap, he was on Troy's back. Troy cried out and swung violently around. The three others scattered.

"EE EE EEEEE!!"

Out of nowhere, a monkey (wearing its own tiny feathered warbonnet) swung from the porch ceiling into Britta's and Shirley's faces. Its little teeth were barred. Its eyes were bugging out of its head.

THWACK!

On pure instinct, Abed smacked the monkey out of the air.

"Oh Abed, nooo," Shirley squealed.

Abed pulled the women back inside, slamming and locking the door.

"OK we're at Defcon 4, people," he reported briskly. "If that's the highest Defcon and if high ones are better than low ones."

Britta frantically waved her arms at the ceiling. "Hear me, oh spectre Athena who art in Jumanji..."

"What are you doing?" Shirley arched a judgmental eyebrow.

"I'm praying! Ugh, I don't know," Britta raised her eyes to the ceiling again. "Look, if anybody's listening, I swear that if you just let us live, I'll make a very sizable dona-... I'll make a donation to the Women Empowering Women for Indigenous Nations Fund the second we get back to Wi-Fi!"

Shirley and Abed stared blankly at her.

"What? That's a real organization. Look it up."

Annie smashed into the window on the side of the cabin. She clawed at the glass, eyes red and bloodshot, hair a matted mess.

Jeff pounded on the front door.

BANG BANG BANG.

Britta and Shirley clung to each other's arms.

"We aren't opening this door, Jeff," Abed called through the wood.

"Do you SEE what's happening out here??" he shouted back and banged again. "Open the door!"

"If either of you so much as TOUCH that door..." Shirley warned.

"OPEN THE GOD DAMN DOOR!"

POP! POP!

Abed, Britta, and Shirley spun around as an air vent flew out of the wall and across the room. The monkey burst through, screeching. Pierce appeared right behind it, "YAHHHHH!" Foam flew off him as he struggled to heave himself through the small vent.

Outside, Troy managed to throw the attacker to the ground and then run frantically off to the side of the house. Bouncing back to his feet as if nothing had happened, the attacker spotted Jeff and ran straight for him with a deafening war cry. Jeff grabbed Annie's abandoned coffee mug from the banister and chucked it at his head as he approached the steps.

THWACK!

Target acquired. The mug shattered, and the man collapsed.

Back in the cabin, Pierce ran wildly about, chasing the monkey through the main room. Annie managed to crack the window open and stick her fingers underneath it, prying it wider. Troy appeared at the window on the other side, making similar progress.

Abed, Britta, and Shirley huddled back to back in the middle of the room, brandishing ladles, lampshades, and the fire poker. The ceiling above them creaked.

Troy and Annie clambered through the windows at almost the same time. Instantly, the monkey leapt into Annie's foamy hair, clawing at her. Shrieking, she stumbled around bumping into things.

"They're possessed!" Shirley grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen counter and rushed back into the fray.

"The power of Christ compels you!" she shouted. "The power of Chr-!"

Just then, Jeff and a pile of rubble fell through the ceiling from the attic above, landing with a crash between the advancing Shirley and the flailing Annie.

"-ist compels you!" Shirley splashed the glass of water toward Annie, but it blasted Jeff in the face instead. He coughed and sputtered.

With a loud bang, the front door burst open. The attacker was framed in the doorway, wielding an axe. Bright sun broke through the mist behind him, surrounding his impressive profile in an eerie glow.

"Who wants to play a gaaaaame nooooow? HA HA HA HA HAAAAAA!"

"AHHHHHHH!" Everyone shouted at once.

"Wait," Britta said, squinting. "CHANG?"

Pause.

"No!" he bellowed. "You are mistaken! I'm..."

"That's totally Chang!" Pierce exclaimed.

The monkey hopped off Annie and onto Chang's shoulder.

"Hey, is that my monkey?" Troy asked.

Chang dropped his hands to his sides and looked exasperated. "Guys, I'm doing a thing. Why can't you just...? Ugh. Like, be scared or something..." He raised his axe, as if to begin again.

"YAAAGGGHHH!!" A crazed look in her eye, Shirley surged full speed toward Chang and whipped him across the stomach with the fire poker. He doubled over onto the floor with a screech.

The monkey leapt into Troy's arms as Chang fell. Troy stroked him lovingly. "It's OK little guy!"

"HOW DARE YOU bring your crazy HERE! Where my children SLEEP!" Shirley whacked the fire poker across Chang's back as he tried to rise from the floor.

"YOU EVIL!"

Thwack

"EVIL!"

Thwack

"PATHETIC!"

Thwack

"EXCUSE FOR A MAN!"

Annie and Britta dragged Shirley away before she could whip the whimpering pile again.

"Oh, go ahead and let her finish him off," Jeff growled.

Chang writhed on the floor in pain – scurrying away as Troy and Abed backed him into a corner. He looked like a wild animal pinned down.

"Come on, guys!" he begged. "We're family, no?"

"Family?" Jeff strode forward, furious. "You are not a member of our family and you never will be."

"Don't say that, man..."

"You've stalked us. You've tortured us. And you've, quite literally, tried to kill us. On multiple occasions."

"Pshh family drama... ammirite?" Chang chuckled, brushing off the accusations.

"Playing dress up, sleeping in a grave, throwing axes? What was even your goal in coming up here?"

Chang's eyes turned dark, his voice low and menacing. "Revenge, my pretty. Sweet, sweet revenge. That's right, I had it alll! I ate the sun and drank the skyyy! And you. Had. Nothing."

Maniacal laughter.

"But Pelton's Pets couldn't handle it, could you? Oh no, you deserve the world. The school revolves around you and your incessant bickering..."

Britta and Jeff fidgeted uncomfortably.

"... your arrogance and pride... "

Shirley and Pierce glanced at each other, ashamed.

"... your obnoxious flirting..."

Jeff and Annie gave each other a dramatic look.

"... your constant buffoonery."

Troy and Abed exchanged a satisfied secret handshake.

"The perfect Greendale 7, never thinking about anyone but yourselves," Chang's voice dripped with disdain. "Well, you know what? You're toxic. You destroy everyone and everything around you. I'm just the only one who won't stand for it anymore.

"So yeah, I eavesdropped on your stupid little Jumanji game, got Amazon one-day delivery on this dope costume, sent the monkey to steal your keys and cut your phone line, and then sprayed you guys with monkey gas. So sue me."

The eight of them stood silent and self-reflective in the living room.

Pierce was the first to speak up. "He's not wrong."

"Yeah," Britta reluctantly agreed. "We are kind of self-righteous at times."

"Aw Chang, we're sorry," Shirley subdued.

"No!" Annie stepped through the crowd. The monkey purposefully smacked her in the face with his tail as she passed. "Ack!"

Troy shook his head. "Betrayed by her own boobs. Not cool."

"Can we PLEASE rename that thing??"

Annie turned back to Chang. There was pity in her eyes but her voice was cold. "I felt for you, Chang. I tried to help you... with your music, with Shirley's baby, with joining our study group. But you are beyond help. Beyond redemption."

Chang's confidence was fading, but he lashed out one more time, rolling his eyes. "No one's beyond redemption, surely the drugged-up high school dropout should know that."

Jeff stepped forward menacingly. His glare spewed fire.

Chang threw his arms in front of his face, "Ah! What are you going to do to me??"

Annie raised her hand, halting Jeff's advance. "Nothing," she said. "Get out of here, Chang."

"What??" Britta whirled around.

"You've got to be kidding me. He took advantage of Annie's Boobs!" Troy shouted.

"And of us," Abed pointed out.

"Yeah!"

"Yeah, sorry, Annie." Jeff said. "Chang's psychotic. He needs to be locked up. We're not letting him go."

"We all deserve to be locked up, Jeff," she responded. The group stared at her. "Have any of us not had a mental breakdown in the past three years?"

"I haven't," Pierce said.

Troy counted down on his fingers, "Addicted to pain killers, stole flu shots from the day care center, destroyed a Kentucky Fried Chicken winnebago..."

"I get it. Thanks."

"It's not just you, Pierce," Annie comforted. "Jeff had a full meltdown because he isn't good at pottery or... wow Jeff, come to think of it, you've had a lot of meltdowns. Shirley's an alcoholic – OK sorry, sorry. Shirley used to have a little problem. I may, or may not, have overreacted about losing a pen."

"I still don't know if those wiener dogs are born that way or if they start off normal and then get wiener." Troy bemoaned missing the puppy parade for Annie's antics.

"Abed thought we were all stop-motion animated for a day. Britta even proposed to Jeff."

"Ha, yeah," Britta laughed, shaking her head. "What woman in her right mind would do that?"

"Hey!"

"Anyway," Annie fidgeted. "We're all a little broken. That's why we're drawn to each other. And to protect ourselves from that reality, we've become this co-dependent, dysfunctional unit that has to put other people down to feel good about ourselves.

"You like to say we're a family, Jeff. But that's not what a family does. Not a healthy one, anyway. It's time we all grow up and accept that... we're flawed. And maybe then we'll have a little more understanding when other people are, too."

After a moment of silence, Pierce beckoned: "Aw, bring it in losers." And they molded into a familiar group hug. Breaking apart, they turned back toward Chang.

The room was empty.

"Where'd he go?" Troy rushed to the open door, the group hot on his heels.

The afternoon sun had broken through the fog, and the mist was finally lifting. Chang and the monkey were gone.

The faint sound of police sirens drifted through the trees.

"Told you," Abed said. Then at their questioning looks added, "Cell service came back a while ago, so I called the cops. Figured we'd need a classic resolution."

Chapter Text

The sun sank low over Lake Granby.

Once Troy, Annie, Jeff, and Pierce had all showered the monkey gas and saw dust off, the study group finished cleaning up the wreckage in the cabin. They worked silently for nearly an hour, each privately mulling over the events of the day.

Andre suggested putting that brand-new fire pit on the beach to good use and having a bonfire. He lit up the grill.

Britta led Troy down to the beach, promising to show him how to light a fire. (She had lived in New York. Dumpster fires were common in her anarchist circles.) Shirley cuddled her children on the porch swing.

Alone in the living room, Abed found the Jumanji board still set up where they left it on the coffee table. Miraculously, it had survived the melee unharmed. His playing piece was just 5 spaces from the gameboard center.

Fondling the die, Abed looked around to make sure no one was watching. And he rolled. Five. Tapping his playing piece five times to the gameboard center, he whispered, "Jumanji!" And with a satisfied smile, tucked the game into his suitcase.

Annie grabbed her biology notebook and a collection box and headed out into the field. She foraged a bit for contributions to their final diorama of the year, wandering through the grasses and down to the water's edge. But then – drained and letting exhaustion wash over her – she sat down on the shore, hugging her knees and watching the sunset.

"Hey."

Startled out of her reverie, Annie looked up to see Jeff walking over. He handed her a pre-filled shot glass and sat down beside her. "Cheers."

Smiling, they clinked glasses and threw back the shot. "Blechh." She made a face and laughed as the Scotch burned her throat.

Jeff chuckled, too. "I'm going to stop wasting my Macallan on you."

They sat silently for a few moments, listening to the splashing water and watching Britta and Troy laugh around the (still unlit) fire pit.

"That was a good speech today," Jeff finally spoke.

"My little 'Winger Speech'?" Annie bumped his shoulder playfully with hers.

"Ha, yeah." He paused again. "How do you see the world so positively?"

She turned to him, questioningly. His voice was quiet, and he gazed steadfastly out over the water as he spoke. "It's not like life has been good to you. Parents who didn't care, a dad who left, an Adderall addiction... Greendale. I just mean, the universe has dealt us both some pretty crappy cards. But I turned out jaded and cynical. You turned out... not."

"I don't know," Annie considered. "I guess I don't see any of those things as all that bad."

"How?"

"Well, for better or worse, they led me here."

"For better or worse."

"Life dealt us crappy cards, but we can make of them what we will. Sure, I wish I didn't just get one letter from my dad on my birthday every year. I wish my mom didn't disown me for choosing to go to rehab. But I understand."

Jeff finally looked up at her.

"Everyone is a little broken, Jeff. Even our parents. They did the best they could. That's all we can do, too. Sooo we use our past to make ourselves stronger and kinder and we just... try to be happy."

"Are you happy, Annie?"

They contemplated each other a little too long, the lake reflecting in their ocean eyes. And a wave of contentment washed over them both.

A cheer went up from across the beach. Turning, Annie saw flames licking up into the sky. Troy and Britta hugged and danced happily. Pierce was setting up lawn chairs. The Bennett boys ran screaming down the path from the house as Abed pelted them with water guns. He tossed a second one to Troy, who quickly leapt into the action. Andre and Shirley followed behind carrying heaping plates of food.

"I am," she said, grinning at the antics of her chosen family. "I think after everything, I kind of ended up lucking out."

She turned back around to face Jeff. He was still looking at her, his expression serious but also warm and comforting.

And finally, he smiled. "Me, too."