Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

For Wallace, his coming out wasn’t planned.

Just like his brother’s visit.

He nearly dropped his jaw when he saw his brother on the doorstep. “Benjamin? What are you doing here?”

“I was in the neighborhood for a farming competition. Thought I’d drop by.” His brother raised an eyebrow. “Unless you don’t have any time for your brother?”

“No, no, I have time. A little warning might have been nice, but me family was just settin' down for tea anyway.” He moved aside. “Please, come in. I’ll let Willard know to bring out more cheese.”

“Willard?”

“Oh, I haven't told you, have I? I have a boyfriend now.”

He didn’t know why his brother froze.

“… What?”

“You’re gay?!”

“Uh, no. Bisexual.”

“What does that mean? I thought you were straight!”

“Um, well, it means I fancy boys the same as girls.”

“So why aren’t you dating girls?”

“I have! You’ve met me ex-girlfriends!”

“Why aren’t you dating one now, then?!”

“… Because I have a boyfriend now, obviously.”

Benjamin raised an eyebrow. “I… I don’t get it…”

“What is there to get?”

Benjamin made a gesture that didn’t seem to mean anything. “I mean… how can you like both? And if you like girls, why not just stick with them? I mean… you know… it’s just…”

“Is there something wrong with me dating a man?” Wallace asked, posture turning from relaxed to defensive.

“… I mean… you are a father…” Benjamin bit his lip.

“… And?”

“Well… don’t you think it would be best for Gromit if he had… a maternal figure in ‘is life?”

Voice cold and hard, Wallace said, “ ‘E didn’t have one when I was single and you didn’t say anything then.”

“That’s different. You may have been single, but you were seeing women. I figured you’d settle down with someone and it would stop being an issue.” A pause. “And it seemed for a while I was right. Especially after you got engaged to that actress…”

“The one who tried to kill me?”

“I never said it was a bad thing that you broke up with that one.”

“Then what are you saying? Are you saying that you don’t approve of it? Well, you might want to adjust your worldview. I wouldn't be surprised if Sarah turns out to be a lesbian, and I’m not dumpin' me boyfriend because you’re worried about ‘maternal figures’.”

“Sarah,” Ben said firmly, “is just going through a phase. Sometimes little girls act like-”

“She keeps staring at other little girls.” A pause. “That sounds a bit creepy. Moving on.”

“Me daughter is a tomboy. Is that a crime? It doesn’t mean she’s a lesbian, and it doesn’t change the fact that you should be with a woman. Think of your son. It’s not normal for children to not have a mother.”

“I am thinking of me son. I’m thinking it’s best if ‘e has two parents who love and support ‘im no matter what. And if you don’t think the same thing, that’s fine. But you either suck it up and pretend you do or you get out of me house. I won’t have you judging me boyfriend before you’ve even met ‘im.”

Ben threw up his hands and huffed. “Fine. You know what, fine. I’ll be nice. Don’t you think you’re blowing this up a bit? I was only saying-”

“I will make you leave.”

Benjamin rolled his eyes. “Fine.”

Wallace couldn’t say that this had gone well… but it could have been worse.

Chapter Text

“Hey, Emile?”

“Snrf… Whuh?”

“You awake?” Remy whispered.

“I am now.” Emile rolled over and squinted in the dark at his brother in the other bed. “Nightmare?”

“No, not really. I was just kinda wondering about something.” Thirteen-year-old Remy sat up on the edge of his bed; he hadn’t even gotten under the covers yet. “Is it okay if I tell you something Dad doesn’t know? I’m kind of scared to tell him ‘cause he hates me after I tried to cook.”

“Remy, he doesn’t hate you!” Emile said, and sat up too. “He’s kinda mad you spent so much money, but he’ll get over it.”

“It’s not just that,” Remy said, twiddling his fingers. “He doesn’t get my food issues at all, he thinks I’m just being a pain in the neck for no reason even after the doctor told him about my taste thing. And now he’s shown me the accounts I kinda see why. It was a dumb thing to do. And I really don’t wanna piss him off more.”

“Okay, what is this thing you wanna tell me? I can’t help you about whether Dad will be mad or not if I don’t know what it is.”

Remy sighed heavily. “Um. Well. You know how all the kids at school make fun of me ‘cause I’m so… prissy, and they call me… well… uh… I kinda think they’re right.”

“You’re a furry?”

“What?! No! Is that a rumor?”

“Kinda.” Emile shrugged. “So what are you talking about?”

“I’m gay, not a furry! Way to ruin the mood.”

“Huh, really?”

Remy only now seemed to realize what he had just said. “Um… yeah. Is that… gonna be a… problem?”

“That’s what you think Dad’ll be mad about?”

“Yeah. I mean, I hear his friends make comments all the time, and I don’t think he ever has, but he doesn’t tell them to stop either, so, yeah, I’m worried.”

“Fair point. But maybe he’s just not saying anything because he doesn’t think he knows anyone who’s gay so he doesn’t think it matters if they do? If he knows you are, he might change his mind?” Emile crossed the gap between their beds and put an arm around Remy’s shoulders. “He’s not gonna hit you or kick you out, if that’s what you’re worried about. He’s not that kind of person.”

He was probably right, but still. Thirteen-year-olds aren’t known for their rationality.

“And… you?”

“What about me?”

“You don’t care?”

“Of course I care!”

“I meant about that.”

“Oh… well, no then. Not about that. You’re still my little brother.”

A sigh of relief then.

“That’s… good. That’s good to know.”

Chapter Text

“So, uh, sir-”

“It's Professor, please.”

“Professor, then - I know it wasn’t really the point of what you said and I swear I was listening to the lecture, but that thing about gender-related parts in brains? Is there a study on that?”

“Oh, yes, indeed, multiple ones.” Professor Ratigan grabbed a business card and a pen. “Here, look up these names.” Bakker, Kreukels, Case. “From what I recall, the neural differences don’t cause behavioural variations or skill discrepancies, they simply affect how one perceives one’s own identity. Something to do with the brain’s map of the body… It’s not my area of expertise, really, you’d have to read the studies. Gender and sexuality are just a side interest of mine.” It helped in his other line of work to understand what was going on behind the thought processes.

Riley Andersen watched him scrawl away with something like hunger in her eyes. He knew that look. Someone desperate to learn. Someone with a reason to learn.

“Do I detect a personal stake in the matter?” His kindness was genuine. It was a tricky situation for a child. But it would be a lie to say he didn't have his own reasons.

If she became he, goodness, how adorable he’d be.

“Um…” She(?) looked a little uncomfortable.

So he was right then.

“Well, you’ll make a very handsome young man, if that’s what you desire. Or a very fine young person of whatever category you prefer. Just remember to be careful. Not everyone’s so understanding!”

He(?) winced. “I… I know. I was here for the talk about that cult. If people like that are out there…” A shudder.

“People like that can be anywhere. At least here it is theoretically illegal.” A small smile. “You will do well no matter how you find you define yourself.”

Riley took the card and nodded. “Wait, you said something about ‘other categories’?”

“Why, yes! The Western binary system is quite recent in the scheme of things. Try searching for ‘third gender’.” Someone didn’t spend much time in the blogosphere. Possibly a bit too young, not to mention they(?) looked more like the type to spend time on the sports field than in the computer lab. Not his usual type, but… there was charm to be found in such naïveté.

“Um, wow.” Riley’s eyes lit up. “Sounds really interesting. You’re really cool about all this stuff, I kinda wasn’t expecting… I mean, I’m sorry, I…”

“Quite alright.” Ratigan waved Riley off, and the… child scurried out of the library, pausing only to wave and call back, “Thanks!”

Chapter Text

“Hey Bailey?”

“Hello, Hiro,” the man said, looking up from his computer. “Hello, Tadashi.”

The boys sat down across from him, and he focused on the area between their heads.

“Soooo…” Hiro began, fiddling with his hands. “It has come to our attention that you… are lacking in companionship.”

Bailey blinked, then glanced at Tadashi.

“Biggest brain in his highschool, and all he can concern himself with is-”

“Shhhh!” Hiro ordered, glaring at his brother. “Be supportive.”

Tadashi rolled his eyes, smirking.

“So… you’re family, and we love you. And we’ll love you no matter what. You know that, right?”

“Of course,” Bailey said. “Although if I were to do something unforgivable, it would be reasonable for your feelings to change.”

Hiro bit his lip uncertainly, then blurted his question. “Are you gay?”

Bailey blinked. “No.”

“Because nobody’s gonna care if you are, we all love you and we want you to be happy-”

“Hiro.”

“And Aunt Cass has her boyfriends, and you should be able to have somebody in your life-”

“Hiro.”

“And we aren’t gonna make any kind of weird deal out of it or anything-”

“Like you’re doing right this minute,” Tadashi muttered, a grin on his face.

Hiro punched Tadashi’s arm, which caused the teenager to erupt in laughter.

“I am not gay,” Bailey said calmly. “I do not have a partner because I am asexual and aromantic.”

The boy blinked for a moment. “… Which ones are those?”

“I do not feel the need to seek physical intimacy or romantic affection from a partner or partners.”

Tadashi smirked and held out a hand to his brother. “Pay up.”

Hiro shook his head angrily. “That doesn’t count! You thought he was straight-”

“I said ‘not gay’,” Tadashi corrected. “That’s not the same as straight.”

Hiro rolled his eyes and fished a handful of cash from his pocket. The teenager took it and stood. “Enjoy the feelings talk!” he said with a smile.

Bailey waved as he left, then turned his attention back to Hiro. “Do you have any questions you would like to ask me?”

Hiro shrugged, looking at his feet. After a moment, he asked, “Is it weird? Being a grown-up without a girlfriend or boyfriend or anything?”

The man shook his head. “Not particularly. A person should enter a relationship only if there is mutual care between them and their partner or partners. A union which is founded in attempts to comply with stereotypes related to the necessity of romantic relationships is not likely to be happy.”

“Does it get lonely?”

“No. I still feel affection for my family and my friends. I simply do not wish to have a romantic or sexual partner.”

“So, you’re never going to date or anything?”

“I would not say that. It is possible that I may one day meet a person with whom I would like to share relations. Sexuality can be flexible, and may change drastically based on age or circumstance. However, I believe I will continue to be perfectly happy without having a partner.”

Hiro nodded thoughtfully. “I see. I guess that makes sense. And… I guess it would make things a lot simpler. You don’t have to worry about asking tons of people till you find someone who says yes…”

“Hiro, I’m sure that when you are ready to date you will have to ask fewer than ‘tons’ of people to find someone who likes you. It’s not as intimidating as it may seem now.”

Hiro blushed.

Chapter Text

“So, what would you like to talk about today, Zim?” Dr. Dolores Abbagale said, blinking at him through her enormous glasses. Zim shifted around in his seat and didn’t answer. “How’s your dog?”

“GIR IS A HELLHOUND OF FURY!”

“… And have you been keeping up with those anger management exercises I showed you?”

A pause, a slow nod. “Hitting non-living enemies diverts my wrath slightly.”

“Are you doing that every time you feel angry or upset?”

“Almost every time. My new guardians restrained me when I forgot and no damage was done. I have NOT directed my anger at my CANINE COMPANION. He licked my hand when I BLOODIED MY KNUCKLES UPON THE WALL, so I have HIGH HOPES for training him to SUBSIST ON THE BLOOD OF MY ENEMIES!”

“Okay… well, the wall is preferable to people, but you may find that you won’t hurt yourself if you hit softer things. Like a pillow or a stuffed animal, or a punching bag.”

“The GREAT ZIM fears no injury!”

“I see… And how are you adjusting to your new home? Are your foster dads treating you well?"

“Yes they are. They have inflicted no harm on me, so I have made them THIS!” Zim produced a card from his backpack, declaring in sloppy text “YOU ARE TOLERABLE”. Dolores was well-practiced in not giggling.

“It’s lovely, Zim, I’m sure they’ll appreciate it. Is there anything else you want to talk about?”

Zim pursed his lips in thought. “There is one thing. The DESPISED CLASSMATE who BETRAYED MY SECRETS is attending the same support group I do. Apparently seeing what he did traumatised him too.” Zim sounded doubtful. “I suspect he is there to SPY ON ME AGAIN!”

“I guess it’s possible, but maybe he really is traumatised. It wasn’t nearly as bad as what happened to you, no, but seeing something like that can still hurt someone a lot. Or maybe he wanted to see if you were okay - didn’t you say you were taken out of his class at school, so he doesn’t see you as much?”

“You… think he wishes to see ME?”

“To see how you were doing, I don’t think he wants to spy on-”

“The puny HUMAN has little INTEREST in my WELLBEING! His true intentions are to LEARN MY WEAKNESSES!” Zim’s eyes darted and he spoke hoarsely. “I suspect he is somehow INFLUENCING me!”

“What? In what way?”

“Just yesterday he told me he was HAPPY that I was ALIVE and my prior guardians had not DISPOSED OF ME! And much as I despise him, I found myself HAPPY THAT HE WAS HAPPY! I felt a PECULIAR WARM SENSATION in my THORAX! I am sure he has POISONED me!”

Dolores blinked, and said, “How on earth would he have managed that?”

“I DON’T KNOW! But I am SURE he did!”

“Zim… are you sure that this classmate of yours is out to get you? Do you really believe that?”

“OF COURSE!”

“Really? Because what it seems like to me is that he really is concerned for your wellbeing. And I think you might like that he cares.”

“WHAT are you SUGGESTING, puny HUMAN?!”

“Is it possible that you might have a little crush on your classmate?”

“LIES! YOU LIE! STOP LYING, YOU LIAR!” Zim jumped to his feet, picked up the box of tissues and hurled it at the wall. Dolores dropped her notebook in surprise. That hadn’t sounded like Zim’s usual anger. That sounded like fear.

“Zim! Zim, calm down! Okay, maybe I was wrong!”

Zim’s shoulders slumped and his breathing eased. He sat down, and muttered, “I apologise.” Didn’t sound very sincere, but it was more than she’d have got out of him a month ago; he was making good progress.

“It’s okay. But that sounded like the idea really upset you. Do you want to talk about that?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about wanting to talk about!”

“Well, you sound really uncomfortable about the thought of you liking him. Is there any reason for that?”

“HE is a WORM!”

“Is it something you don’t like about him in particular?”

“He has NO RESPECT FOR MY PRIVACY and is OBSESSED WITH ME!”

“Isn’t that how he managed to help you, though? And I don’t think it sounds like he’s obsessed. I think he’s still trying to help you.”

“IT DOESN’T MATTER ANYWAY! I’M STRAIGHT! PERFECTLY STRAIGHT! I already like someone else. A GIRL! Um… TAK! Yes! That’s her name!”

“You haven’t mentioned her before.”

“She is BEAUTIFUL! I am a FUNCTIONING member of the HeTEroSeXUaLS!”

“Zim… is this about you being seen as gay?”

“NO!”

Well, this was unexpected.

“It would seem rather strange if it was,” she said carefully. “You’re fine with your new dads, and with me, and you’ve never had anything against gay people before. In fact you seemed very defensive of them. When you said some kids at school were being bullied for it, you got very angry on their behalf.”

“INDEED. They are NOT DESERVING of the TREATMENT they receive and THEY SHALL BE AVENGED.”

“And you said you didn’t like that people were blaming gay people for… what happened to you. So if, hypothetically, you were upset about the idea of being seen as gay yourself, that would seem odd. Unless… you were worried about the consequences, maybe? Do you think something bad would happen, or things would change in a way you don’t like, if you were?”

“I am afraid of NOTHING!” Zim spat.

“Well, that’s why I said worried. Are you worried that someone would do something to you if you liked boys?”

“If they tried anything they would FACE THE WRATH OF ZIM! Besides, what could they do to me THAT HAS NOT ALREADY BEEN DONE?!”

“Then why are you so defensive about this? Is there something that makes you think you shouldn’t like boys, even if other people can?”

“BECAUSE THEN THEY WOULD BE RIGHT!” Zim snapped, and shut his mouth abruptly, turning pale.

“Who would be right?”

“… No one.”

“Zim,” she begins slowly, “did someone say something to you?”

“NO!”

She looked at him in silence.

“… my uncles,” he said begrudgingly. “If I…”

“Yes. Go on.”

“If I concede that I am indeed HOMOSEXUAL that'll prove to them that I enjoyed their TORMENT of me!”

“What? No! No, of course it wouldn’t!” Dolores felt a sting in her heart through the layer of professionalism. “Zim, you were a little kid and they made you do it, it doesn’t mean anything about you now. Did they tell you that it did?”

He said nothing for a long time.

That was a yes then…

“Did…” She tried to put it delicately. “Did your body… react to it? Is that why they said that?” A squeak from Zim. “I see. Is that why you’re worried? You think it would mean they were right?”

“HOW can I MAINTAIN MY GEMLIKE FLAME OF RAAAGE if I LIKED IT?!”

“No, I’m not suggesting you did! It was awful! You have every right to be angry. But… sometimes, a person’s body doesn’t know what their mind knows,” she said cautiously.

“… what do you mean, human?”

“Sometimes there are things that feel good on the outside, but you still don’t like them on the inside. Do you understand what that means?”

“I… um, well… perhaps.”

“It’s quite normal, I promise. A person’s body is likely to react automatically, even if their mind hates it. The same thing would probably have happened if anyone did it, whether it was a man or a woman or whether you were a boy or a girl or any other combination. There’s a theory that in girls it’s a kind of self-defence - if your body’s… ready, it makes it less likely to do really bad damage. It doesn’t quite work the same for boys but the same programming might be there.” Dolores wiped her misty glasses and smiled kindly. “They had no right to do what they did to you, and that won’t change, even if you do like boys.”

Zim looked at the floor and mumbled, “Please don’t tell anyone who might tell Dib.”

“Is that his name? Dib?”

“Yes. Short for Dilbert, I think he said.” Zim crossed his legs and twiddled his fingers, and finally said, “I admit your words have logic. After all, my tormentors made no secret of the fact that they considered ME a DISGUSTING GRUB and their actions had NOTHING to do with any particular INTEREST in me. That is why those who say it DID must SUFFER for their LIES!”

“That’s good. Not that they hurt you, I mean it’s good that you realise that.”

Zim looked back up at her. “Tak Midoriya is a real classmate of mine. Should I apologise to her for using her name in vain?”

Dolores did giggle at that. “No, I think you’re okay there.”

Chapter Text

“Hey, Elsa?”

“Mm?”

“Look over there!”

“It’s… a boy?”

“Yeah,” Anna sighed and rested her chin on her hands. The boy was about Elsa’s age, brown-complexioned and floppy-haired and with a strong jaw below his beaming grin.

Elsa shrugged and went back to her book. “Yeah, I think he’s in one of my classes.”

“Not your type? Fine, more eye candy for me.”

“No, Anna, he’s not my… type.”

“What’s with the weird inflection?”

Elsa brushed back her hair. “I’m just not interested.”

“… You’re a lesbian, aren’t you?”

“What?! I didn’t… I haven’t… what makes you say that?!”

“Will you relax? It’s really not a big deal.” Anna shrugged. “You’ve never been interested in any of the guys I’ve shown you, but you do keep staring at girls like you have crushes on them. I guess you’re not out yet?”

“No. I’m not sure how our aunt would take it.”

“Okay. Then this’ll be our little secret.”

“… You really don’t care?”

“Of course not!” Anna hugged her. “What kind of sister would I be if I did? Besides, um…” She blushed, and tilted her head in the direction of a passing blonde. “I kinda prefer guys, but I’m not ruling out at least some girls.”

Elsa followed her gaze and smirked a little. “See, we do share some tastes.”

“And you don’t care about my thing either?” Anna asked worriedly. “I’ve heard some lesbians don’t like bi girls much…”

“Well, that’s their problem,” Elsa said, and squeezed Anna’s hand. “We’re in it together, and if I said it mattered, what kind of sister would I be?”

Chapter Text

“Jack?”

“ ‘Ey up?”

“Can I talk to you for a moment?”

Jack Tweedy immediately closed the book he had been reading. Willard didn’t ask to talk very often, usually he just went for it. He patted the spot next to him. “Go for it.”

Willard hopped up and rubbed the back of his neck. “Um, I don’t really know ‘ow to say this…”

“Just say it.” Jack smiled. “Whatever it is, I won’t get mardy, I promise.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m a girl.”

Jack halted, then took a deep breath. “Oh.”

“That’s it? Just ‘oh’?”

Jack shrugged. “Can’t say I’m surprised - you’ve always acted like a girl.”

“Is it that obvious?” Willard (was that her name now?) drooped.

“If you’re lookin’ for it, yeah, but I don’t think most people are.” He squeezed his sister’s shoulder. “You do know you need to be careful, though, right? Wi’ most people this wouldn’t go down too well.”

“Of course I know that!” she said quickly. “That’s why I’ve been tryin’ to ‘ide it. I just… I thought you should know.”

“And I’m glad you told me, I jus' want you to be… safe.”

“Isn’t that what you’re ‘ere for?” A wry smile.

“Funny. I’m bein' serious.”

“I know. I’m only tellin’ you. Don’t worry. No one else needs to know.”

Jack put an arm around his sister’s shoulder. “So, what’s your name?”

“Huh?”

“I reckon you don’t want to be called Willard anymore, do you?”

“Uh, no, but…” She blushed. “I… ‘adn’t really thought about the name thing.”

Jack gave a gentle smile. “Come on. Pretty sure Mum and Dad left a baby name book ‘round ‘ere somewhere. We can start looking for one.”

“Awright.” A pause. “Jack?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

She didn’t say for what. She didn’t need to.

Chapter Text

“You are interested in the no-legged specimen, aren’t you?” Eska Pamuy asked her brother.

Desna blinked. “Repeat yourself.”

“I have watched you stare at the Replacement from across the parking lot. You appear fixated. Does he excite you sexually?”

“Not him.” He nodded at where a much larger man sat behind the wheel of the car. “His guardian. He is quite handsome.”

“He seems eight feet tall.”

“I believe he is.”

“He excites you then?”

“Very much so.”

Wilhelmina, who happened to catch the tail end of their conversation, blinked. “Desna, I didn’t know you liked men.”

“I am only attracted to men. I am a homosexual.”

“And I am bi.”

“In fact,” Desna continued, “I am pretty sure that Jack and Rapunzel are the only ones of your ever-expanding brood that are completely straight.”

“I have my doubts for Rapunzel. She seems a touch too interested in her nude drawings for class.”

“Well, Eska is not usually wrong.”

“Right… well, I don’t mind, of course. Just do what makes you ‘appy and…” She peered at the driver of the other car. “Good Lord, he is eight feet! At least.”

“Yes, my brother has-”

“-peculiar tastes.”

“Indeed.”

Wilhelmina blinked. “Well. I can’t fault you for that, but might I suggest you not pursue middle-aged men. I’m not sure I can condone-”

“Fear not, foster mother, I assure you-”

“-I’m only looking. Nothing more.”

“Good.”

And that was that.

Chapter Text

“So…” David Q. Dawson began, smiling at his new roommate. “Thank you for helping me move my things.”

“Is that the last of it?” Basil returned, studying the over-locked door as that dog of his sniffed around.

“Yes. I think so.”

“Excellent.” The younger man began to do up his locks.

Frankly, Dawson was afraid to ask.

“Are there any… house rules I should know about?” A pause. “Anything you’d prefer I do or don’t do…?”

“My landlady is rather exasperated with me at the moment, I would prefer that you don’t dent the walls or break the furniture, but of course, it does happen.”

“…I’m sorry?”

Basil carried on as if he hadn’t heard him. “Furthermore, I know it may be a bit inconvenient, but I ask that any… sexual encounters take place elsewhere. I cannot bear the noise.”

“Alright… and what about your… sexual encounters?”

“I don’t have any.”

Dawson blinked. “Oh. You’re ace?”

“Yes. Is that a problem?”

“No. Just a bit surprised you never mentioned it.”

“… I wasn’t aware that was ever relevant information before.”

“You have a point.” A weak smile. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

“No, I have no discomfort about my sexual orientation or lack thereof.” He looked Dawson over. “Of course, so long as you’re quiet, what you get up to when you’re alone is none of my business. Just to be clear.”

“Noted.”

“There is just… one more thing I have to say.”

“And that would be…?”

“If you are ever to bring anyone home…” Basil looked away, seeming to shudder as he did so.

“Are you… alright, Mr. Baker?”

“Fine. I’m fine. Forget I said anything.”

“Are you sure…?”

“Quite. It’s… unimportant.”

Chapter Text

Thirteen-year-old Donald Duck opened his twin sister’s bedroom door and hurried in, asking, “Hey, Della, did Beakley come in to-”

Della rocketed upright, stuffing a magazine under her pillow. “Geez, Donald, knock!”

Donald’s eyes narrowed and he marched forward and reached under the pillow. “So this is where it went!” The centrefold flipped open and both of them blushed vividly; Donald dropped it and kicked it shut. “Della, really, you’re stealing my stuff? You’re stealing my stuff and you didn’t tell me you’re gay? What did I do to make you not trust me?”

“I’m not exactly gay, Donnie! I’m bi. It’s a thing!”

“Whatever! You still didn’t tell me!”

“I was going to!”

“When?”

Della bit her lip. “… I guess when I had a better idea of how Uncle Scrooge would react. I didn’t think you’d tell him, but… I wanted to sorta feel things out anyway in case he overheard or something.”

“You think he’d be mad?”

“I don’t think so,” Della said carefully, “but I’m not sure.”

“Well, I won’t make you tell him, but I’m pretty sure he’s gonna figure it out real quick if you keep stealing Playboy magazines. Not all of them are mine, you know?”

“Okay, ew, thanks for that mental image.” Della shuddered. “But… you don’t care? About the bi thing?”

“How could I be mad? I get it. Girls have boobs.”

Della picked up the magazine and hit him with it, but she was grinning.

Some days later, they happened to catch Uncle Scrooge in a good mood. Della set her jaw. Now or never. If she couldn’t face something like this, how’d she ever make it in the military? Donald squeezed her hand.

“Um, Uncle Scrooge?”

Scrooge looked up from the newspaper. “Yes, lass? What is it?”

“I… I have something to tell you.”

“What is it?”

She took in a deep breath. “I’m… I’m bisexual.”

Scrooge blinked. A look of confusion spread across his face. “Bi… sexual?”

“It means I like both boys and girls.”

“… Doesn’t everyone…?”

“You know. Sexually…?”

“… Again, doesn’t everyone?”

Della blinked. “Wait, what?”

“Yeah. It’s a normal thing. Anyone who doesn't think so has something stuck up there.” Scrooge snickered. “Probably me in me younger years. Actually, come to think of it, do me a favor, lass, and stick to girls until you’re out of high school. I don’t want to have to worry about teenage pregnancies.”

“Wait, so you’re really okay with-”

Scrooge sighed, but he was smiling. “Kids, do you think your generation was the first to think of that idea?”

“… Kinda?”

Donald snickered, and soon all three were laughing.

Chapter Text

“How’s work?”

“Uh, gettin’ there. I got a couple small parts here and there.” Timon shrugged. “Been doin’ backstage work too, just to cover the rent till I get a good break. I’m gonna audition for Leo Bloom pretty soon, hope that goes well.”

“Oh, wow, I love that play!” Ma Berkowitz let go of the steering wheel long enough to pat her son’s back. “Good luck!”

Timon sighed. “Yeah, I hope I get somethin’ soon. It’s harder than I thought to get into the industry.”

“Oh, you will, hon!” Ma said. “Keep up the good work, and before you know it you’ll be on Broadway!”

“Geez, Ma, don’t make me blush.”

“And then hopefully you’ll find a nice young man, get married, and start adopting some grandkids for me.”

Timon spluttered. “Wait, what, how did…”

“What?… Oh, gosh, honey, I’m sorry! I thought you knew I knew!”

“Not every guy in theatre is gay, Ma!”

“Well, no, but you’re working in musical theatre, you never mentioned any girls you liked, and you came home with both ears pierced? I did notice.”

“Ah, gee, Ma, it’s the left ear that gay guys get pierced.”

“So you like both?”

“… No, no, I’m gay. Very gay.”

“Oh, honey.” She patted his arm again. “Look, I’m happy for you to love whoever you want, and so’s your uncle Max. Little disappointed you felt the need to hide, though. We love you, but we aren’t really happy about having to pretend we don’t know what we really do.”

“Okay.” Timon sighed. “I’m really sorry about that. I was… nervous. Not everyone’s so cool with it. Glad to know the people who matter are. I’d hug ya, but you’re driving.”

Ma smiled, leaned over, and kissed his cheek. “So, are there any young gentlemen you need to introduce me to?”

“Uh, actually, yes! There’s a guy who’s doing some stagehand work,” he said, and blushed. “His name’s Pumbaa. It’s Swahili or somethin’, I think. Big fat guy with a mohawk and kind of an underbite. Biggest smile. Gives the best hugs ever - I mean, next to yours, haha.”

“Aw, he sounds adorable!”

“Yeah. We, um, sorta messed around a bit backstage and I didn’t think it was gonna go further but it turns out we really like each other, like, for real.”

“You better have used protection!”

“Geez, Ma! We didn’t do much… but yeah, I’m always careful, so’s he. Neither of us has been with anyone else for a while, so, like, maybe this is it. Long-term.”

“Good, that’s really good! You gotta bring him over this week. If he likes my kneidlach you can marry him.”

“Um, that, uh, reminds me. There’s one last thing… He’s not Jewish.”

Ma slammed on the brakes and cried, “WHAT?!”

Chapter Text

“Night of the Living Dead? Isn’t that kinda stereotypical?”

“Hey, you try picking a movie that starts with N sometime, see how you do!”

Isaac and Abraham continued to good-naturedly argue with each other while August helped himself to some nachos. This weekly sleepover tradition always seemed to bring out some sort of fight, whether it be about the movie or the snacks or the sleeping arrangements, and usually resulted in pillows being thrown around.

He wondered what his news would do…

He took in a deep breath. No stalling this time, August, it’s time to do this… “Hey, uh, guys?” he said, cutting through the argument. “Before we start the movie, I have something I need to tell you.”

Both brothers stopped mid sentence, and turned their full attention to August. “Yeah? What is it?” Isaac asked.

“Is there something going on?” Abraham joined in.

“Not… exactly… it’s just… I figured something out recently. And… and you two are my friends, so I wanted you to know.”

The twins immediately sat down. “Okay. Shoot.”

August bit his lip and took a deep breath. Now or never. “Okay, well, what I figured out… um… well… oh, boy, this is a lot harder than I was expecting this to be… Um, before I say anything, you two have to promise you won’t tell anyone else about this. Not even my family knows what I’m about to tell you, okay?”

“Okay. Come on, August, whatever it is, we’re not gonna freak out about it. You know that.”

“Okay… well, there’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just gonna say it… I’m gay.”

The two brothers blinked, looked at each other, and then looked back at him. “Okay,” Issac said slowly. “Well, I have a question I need answered, then.”

August’s heart pounded out of his chest. “Yeah? Go ahead.”

“Who’s hotter, me or Abraham?”

It was then that everyone in the room erupted into a fit of laughter in spite of themselves. August took in a breath. “You two? Seriously? That’s like asking which of my brothers is hotter!” He made a face.

Abraham made an overly dramatic gesture. “Oh, I knew it. I’m not fabulous enough for the gay crowd.”

“Shut up!” August pushed him and they all laughed once more.

When the laughter died down, Isaac looked more serious. “Okay, but, seriously… no girls? Like, ever?”

“I wasn’t planning on it, no.”

“How long have you known about this?” Abraham asked.

“Um… I’ve known about it… for about a year, honestly. But I was really nervous about telling you guys.”

Isaac shrugged. “I mean, I can see why, but… you’re the third twin, you know? We’re not gonna turn you away for something like this.”

“So… this isn’t gonna make the sleepovers weird or anything?”

“Please. If you were gonna try anything with us, you’d have done it a loooong time ago,” Abraham said, rolling his eyes. “We’ve been doing the sleepovers since we were, what? Five? Six?”

“Pretty sure it was kindergarten.”

“See? There you go."

Isaac pulled a face. "Okay, what kind of kindergartener would be doing that kinda stuff?"

"Just trying to make a point."

"It's a weird point. But yeah. We trust you, August, and you’re our friend no matter what. But now you’re our gay friend.”

“Yeah… hey, does that mean you’re available for fashion advice now?”

August hit him with a pillow.

Chapter Text

Beifong family dinners were usually loud-

-but they had grown quiet as of late.

Quiet… but not silent.

“Where’s your… girlfriend?” Huan asked, eyeing his older brother from across the table. “I thought she was staying for the week.”

“I… we broke up…” The younger Baatar looked away, unable to meet his brother’s gaze. “Um… could someone pass me the… ketchup?”

“We’re eating dessert.”

“… I meant the chocolate sauce.”

“Sure you did.”

“So… the sauce…?”

No one moved.

“Um… Opal, can you-”

“Get it yourself.” His sister glared.

“Wing?”

Another look.

“Wei?”

More of the same.

Eventually their mother took pity and slid the syrup over to him.

“Thanks.”

Huan continued to stare at him. “So… you and Kuvira broke up, huh?”

“Um… yeahhh…”

More staring. Neither of them touched their food.

“Was it because of me?”

“Uh, kinda? I mean, you didn’t cause the breakup, you just… sorta… brought some red flags…”

“Oh, really? I drew attention to the blinking red 'danger' sign above your ex-girlfriend? What am I, Lasik?”

“Yeah, w-well, I, um, I don’t see your girlfriend anywhere!”

“Nice try. I’m gay. And single.”

“That’s what I thou- wait, what?!”

“I said,” Huan enunciated, “pretty sure I’m gay.”

Dead silence.

“Um… is this about…”

“Is this about what?”

“You know… the… the incident…?”

“No, Huan was gay before the cops,” Wei said slowly. “Did… did he not say that? I thought he said that.”

“Why would you think that?” Baatar asked.

“I mean, we all knew, right? It wasn’t just me?”

“I knew it,” Grandma Toph said.

“I knew!” Wing put in. “It was pretty obvious.”

“He took Julien Andriana to his junior prom,” Opal said flatly.

“I thought that was a joke, or like a… friend thing.”

“It kinda was, but…” Huan shrugged. “You know Julien.”

He didn’t, really. They’d never gotten along.

“But… that girl!” he burst out. “The one from the pro…tests…”

His mother glared, but Huan didn’t seem to mind what he’d said.

“Who? Esmeralda?” He blinked. “We weren’t… I wasn’t dating her!”

“Then why did you go?!”

“Um, because I wanted to take a stand for what I believed in?” A pause. “… Did you honestly think the only reason I was going was because my girlfriend was doing it?”

“What? No! No, that’s not what I meant!”

A pause.

“… You thought I was doing it to get her to notice me?”

“… Actually, I just thought she was good in the bed-”

“Baatar!”

Huan snorted. “Yeah, just because you had your principles fucked out of you doesn’t mean I had someone banging them in.”

“That’s a bit crass, don’t you think-”

“You’re the one that brought up my sex life!”

Opal burst out into a fit of giggling. The twins followed soon after.

“So you weren’t sleeping with her-”

“No!”

“Then-”

“Boys!” their mother admonished. “I think we’re done here, don’t you?”

They went back to their food. This time the eldest two managed to eat.

A few minutes passed in silence.

And then:

“… Is anyone else gay?”

Wei slowly raised his hand.

“Anyone else?”

“Are we also talking bi?” Opal asked. “Or just not straight?”

“Yeah, sure, is anyone else at this table not straight-”

Every hand save Baatar’s went sky high.

“Grandma! You too?!”

“You have no idea what I did back in my younger years,” Toph grinned.

Baatar did not want to know.

“Pretty sure it was Aunt Katara.”

“Huan!”

Chapter Text

“How was therapy?”

“Mew!”

“Oh, it went… fine, Joy-okaasan.” Masaru clinked his fork on his plate, not eating. “We ran out of time before I could bring up some concerns I’ve been having, though.”

“Concerns?” Joy furrowed her brow.

“The doctor has assured me many Cluster B and RAD sufferers can form personal attachments, despite stereotypes to the contrary. I already did know that,” he said, glancing sideways at his sister and back to his mothers with a nod, “but… I don’t feel the need to seek out any others. I wonder if people will notice.”

“Is this a romantic thing?” asked Jenny.

“Yes, Jenny-okaasan. I feel I rather stand out at school already, and no one has actually asked-” No one talks to me at school at all. “-but I have heard comments behind my back.” He twirled his fork in his fingers, stroked idly along the handle. He’d bent and broken many spoons and forks before. “And… Dr. Whooves told me that it may be possible to mitigate some of the symptoms. I don’t want him to change this one. Does that mean… is that a sign that I…?”

“Mew!” Mayu stood up and pointed to her kneesocks, causing bafflement among the family. Ordinary socks, striped in green and white and black. With her other hand she pulled out her phone and fiddled with it for a few moments. When she turned it outward, the screen showed a flag in the same colours, and a text heading.

“Aromantic…” Masaru read. He looked up at her, brow quirked. “You? Really?” Mayu nodded enthusiastically.

Now she mentioned it, it made some sense to him. Dear Mayu, so full of love for everyone she could never single any one person out for more.

“That’s… helpful to hear. Thank you,” he said, and gave the little lip-twitch which was his version of a smile. “Should I apologise for not noticing?”

Head-shake, shrug.

“Do you require any support from me?”

A shrug again, and she signed, I’ll tell you if I do. Do you want to talk about it?

“Maybe later. Are you asexual too?” She nodded. “So am I, I think.”

“Mew!” Mayu’s fingers flickered between signs. So we do have something in common!

At that, Masaru actually laughed.

Chapter Text

“Hey, Uncle Will? Mind if I ask you about something?”

Wilhelmina turned to her niece, closing the book she was reading. “Not at all. What is it?”

“You’re bi, right? So you know how to… come out and stuff?”

“It’s not really a skill to learn, Sarah.”

“Uh, okay, but you’ve done it, right?”

“Yes.” A pause. “What’s this about?”

“I… I think… I don’t think that I’m a girl. Not really.”

“… Oh.”

“Just oh?”

“I’m… just processing. So you feel like a boy, then?”

“Um… yeah. You’re not mad, are you?”

“Mad? No. No, of course not.”

“Good… because I’m pretty sure my parents are gonna be. Especially Dad.”

“Oh, I’m sure they won’t be mad. Shocked, maybe, might take some time to process, but-”

“Are we thinking about the same guy?” he interrupted. “Because I’m thinking about the guy who told us you were just Uncle Wallace’s really good friend who just so happened to live with him until we saw you guys kissing.”

That had been a debacle and a half…

“Yes, and I know that 'e loves you and that 'e will continue to love you no matter what. It may take some time, but I promise 'e’ll come to understand.” A pause. “So what name should I call you now?”

“I was thinking… Shaun?”

“That’s a good name. Any particular reason you chose it?”

“Not really. I just like how it sounds.”

“Fair enough.”

“Uncle Will?” Shaun said quietly, peering up at her through fleecy hair. “Thanks for being so cool about this.”

“Of course. I’ll always be 'ere for you, if you need me to be.”

“Great. Can I stay with you if Dad kicks me out?”

“ ‘E’s not going to kick you out.”

He looked unconvinced.

A sigh. “If it comes to that, then yes. Your uncle and I will always give you a place to stay.”

“You’re my uncle too,” Shaun said emphatically. “Blood or not.”

“… Thank you.”

“Thank you.”

Chapter Text

“Hey, Moms?”

“Yes, Lynda?”

“Would I have to come out to you as gay, or do gay parents assume their kids are gay by default and they have to come out as straight? It kinda seems fair if straight parents do the opposite.”

“Interesting thought.” Lynda’s mother furrowed her brow.

Her other mother shrugged. “Honestly, we’ve tried not to make assumptions either way. We’d appreciate knowing if you want to tell us, but we just hope you’re happy.”

“Oh, okay. Then I’m pretty sure I’m gay.”

“Okay. Thank you, and obviously we’re okay with it.”

“Love you, Moms.” Lynda hugged her. “Wish everyone could have parents this mellow about it.”

Chapter Text

“Where the hell have you been, Psycho? It’s dawn!”

“Out,” Psycho said innocently. He skipped into the apartment, bringing a waft of alcohol stink with him.

Smartass grabbed Psycho’s collar. The boy had only been with the group a year or two, and Smartass was thinking for the thousandth time that he might be more trouble than he was worth. “Not so fast! You know how dangerous it is to wander off on your own and get wasted? What if cops found you, man?… What is that on your face?”

Psycho stuck his finger in the flaky white patch on his cheek and licked it. “Well, it could be glue, but I don’t think it is.”

“… Did you fuck a guy?”

“Uh, sure. ‘A’ guy. Yeah.” Psycho caught the scowl on his boss’s face and whined, “C’mon, Smarty, I was boooored.”

“Weren’t you… didn’t you think I’d react badly?”

Psycho shook his razor out of his sleeve and flicked it open pointedly. “Were you going to?”

“Uh, no, even without the sharp objects. But you had no way of knowin’ that, and most guys in our line a’ work would.”

“Most guys in our line a’ work have arteries in the same places you do.”

Wheezy poked his head out of his bedroom door, wiping his eyes. “Whuzz goin’ on?”

“Psycho’s gay. Go back to bed.”

“I am not! I just don’t care who it is, y’know?”

“Whatever.” Smartass sighed. “Just… whatever. Fuck who you want, I don’t care, just don’t go throwin’ that stuff around. It’ll make us look bad, y’know?”

Psycho didn’t. “What d'ya mean look bad?”

“Like pussies or somethin’, people like us… they ain’t gonna be too keen on bein’ assassinated with us if they think we’re fags.”

“But I’m not even gayyyy.”

“You think they’re gonna care?”

“Care about what?” It was now Greasy’s turn to blink blearily out into the hall. “What the hell are you guys doin’?”

“Psycho’s kind of gay,” Wheezy told him. “The boss is lecturin’ him on discretion.”

This ought to be good.

“C’moooon, guys, it’s not like I’m the only one,” Psycho whined.

“What makes you think-”

“I read all your browser histories.”

“YOU WHAT?!”

Psycho rolled his eyes. “Look, if you left your diary pages in the toaster or somethin’, would you expect me not to read ‘em? It’s an accident waitin’ to happen!”

“My phone is password-locked!”

“Oh yeah, that reminds me - you need a better one.”

Chapter Text

“Ya holdin’ up okay, Scooter?”

Robbie coughed. “Bleh… this stuff is weird.”

“Feel any better? Less tense?”

“Mm… kinda. Li’l bit.” Robbie giggled and yawned.

Spike tilted his head and took another drag. “You wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“No problem.” Spike shrugged and lay back. If Robbie didn’t want to talk, it probably wasn’t important. “Juuuust sit back and enjoy.”

He did, and Robbie did, and it was quiet for a while - save for a few moments of aborted hacking when one of them inhaled too much. It didn’t last forever, though.

“Hey, dude?” Spike said. His words came slowly, but this wasn’t his usual marijuana drawl. “Can I, like… tell you somethin’?”

“You kill somebody and dump their body out behind a Krispy Kreme drive through?”

“What? No!”

“Then fire away.”

“IIIII was just kinda thinkin’… we’ve been pals a while, yeah? We get along good?”

“Since you stopped telling me to piss on people’s lawns, yeah.”

“Gimme a break, I didn’t say I’d get ya good attention,” Spike chuckled. “So we trust each other, right?”

“Not doin’ a good job of selling the idea that you didn’t kill anyone.”

“I didn’t kill anyone.” Robbie smacked his arm, sluggishly, and Spike held up his hands disarmingly. “Promise. I just… I like you, man.”

“I like you too.”

“Yeah, but would you still…” He closed his eyes. “I think I’m, like… diet gay.”

“Huh?”

“You know, like, what’s the word again? Head’s fuzzy. Bisssexual?” He groaned. “Fuck, what is this stuff?”

“Whoa, back up. So you’re basically sayin’… what? You like tits and dicks?”

“Pretty much. Is that… iss that okay?”

“Uh… yeah. Yeah, y’re not the only guy I know who’s… yeah. ‘S all cool, man.” Robbie giggled. “Eeeverything’s cool.”

“Not the only…? Huh.” Spike smirked. “Good. That’s good. Anyone I know?”

“Oh, yeah… I prob’ly said too much.”

“Nah, nah, man, you’re good,” Spike said, and drew circles on the ground with one finger while he thought. “Sssomeone not too far away, maybe?”

“Nah… I mean, yeah… Not far or whatever… this is hard.”

“That’s what she said! Wait… he said?”

“Both?”

“I knew it!”

“What? C’mon, I was joking.”

“Oh… so you’re-”

“Nah,” Robbie ran his hands over the tree bark. “I’m just messin’ with you. And yeah… maybe. Fuck, I’m so high.”

Spike’s smirk deepened, and, in a hoarse throaty voice which he hoped was attractive, he said, “Betcha I can get ya higher.”

“Huh?”

Spike took a deep huff on his joint, filling up his lungs, and leaned in.

Robbie pushed back. Hard.

“Whoa! Man, what the f-” Spike stopped dead when he saw his friend’s expression. “Shit… are you okay…?”

Obviously not. Roughly, Robbie shook his head, mouth forming the shape of a scream.

“But I thought… But you said… I…”

Robbie regained his voice, and said, “I was talking about Dave!”

“Dave? Huh.” Spike crawled back a few paces. “Sorry, I-I kinda got vibes, was I wrong?”

Robbie was silent for a long time, and when he began to speak… he didn’t really say anything. “I… It’s… not…”

“… You mad?”

“Surprised.” Robbie shook himself. “Not mad at you. Just surprised. And, um… you’re… you’re not wrong, but that, uh, that was a bit much right off the bat.”

“That didn’t look like just surprise. You sure you’re okay?”

“I, uh… Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?” His laugh sounded forced and strained. “I’m fine. Just not good with… surprises.”

“ ‘Surprises’,” Spike echoed. “Yeah… I guess I can understand that. Sorry… I shouldn’t have just gone for it like that. Sorry.”

“It’s okay, man, really.” Robbie took hold of Spike’s hand and pulled him closer. “I’m not sayin’ no, just not right now, ‘kay? I… I wanna be sober for it.”

Spike’s eyebrows rose. “Really? Heh. Bada-bing.”

“Yeah. Just don’t…”

“What?”

“Don’t pee on my lawn.”

Chapter Text

“Oh, COME ON!” Bugs angrily shook the tabloid newspaper. “A guy can’t yell at someone in the supermarket without them dating?!” The cashier shrank away.

Daffy jogged up. “Hey, what’s going on? Usually I’m the one that gets us kicked out.” It looked like he was on the way to doing so anyway, with a knocked-over stand a couple of aisles away and not-yet-purchased gum already in his mouth.

“Some reporter,” the former celebrity pointed at the magazine stand, “is saying that-”

Daffy’s eyes scanned the shelves. He burst out laughing.

“Lover’s quarrel?”

His roommate puffed indignantly. “It’s not funny!”

“Ah, no. It’s hilarious.”

“Maybe to you. You know I’m gonna get asked about this by everyone? The joke’s gonna pall after a while.”

“Why would that mean it isn’t funny now?”

Bugs groaned. “What am I gonna tell Lola? You just know she’ll take this stuff seriously.”

Daffy shrugged. “Not my problem.”

“What are you gonna tell Tina?”

“Uh, actually…” Daffy’s giggling stopped. “I have reason to believe she won’t mind.”

“Huh?”

“You, uh, are sorta my type. And she’s noticed.”

Bugs thought of the snarky New Yorker Daffy was dating and things clicked into place. “Huh.”

“Are you mad? Please don’t be mad.”

“No! I’m not mad. I’m… surprised you’re being mature about this of all things.” Bugs pointedly looked at the torn gum wrapper in Daffy’s pocket and said, “Reminds me, give that here so I can pay for it.”

“Yes, Mother.” Of course he’d torn the packet right through the bar code.

Bugs groaned. “Great. This is just great.”

“Hey, it’s just some gum and a tabloid article. It’s not such a big deal. Could be worse, you know…”

Bugs rolled his eyes at that.

In the parking lot, Daffy asked again, “You sure you’re not mad? My mom would have been mad… I think.”

“Hey, really, it’s cool.” Once both of them were in the car and the doors were closed, Bugs added, “Didn’t wanna say it in public, but Billy Joe Cobra got my V-card.”

“Huh, really…? Can I tell Tina?”

“I’d rather you didn’t. And, uh, she knows about-?”

“She knew before I did.”

Bugs snickered. “Sounds like her.”

Chapter Text

“So what are you in for?”

“Um…” Cam paused for a long time. “Kinda hard to explain.”

Lee smiled amicably. “Try me.”

“Well… Look, homes, promise not to get weird or nothin’?”

“Things are already weird.”

“I’m gay.” Silence. Slowly, Lee’s eyes began to widen. Cam started to back track. “U-uh, I mean-”

“That’s why you’re here? Dude… I’m so sorry.”

“… Qué?”

“I mean, did your parents send you here to get rid of you or-?”

“Oh - no! No, it’s not like that, ese, mi mama’s cool, it’s… You’re not from Calisota, are you?”

“Nope. Canada.”

Cam whistled. “Long journey.”

“I think my parents had some business connections over here, and Mom said the Canadian schools would go soft on me.” Lee chuckled nervously. “She’s like every Dragon Lady stereotype as a math teacher.”

“Sheesh. Well, anyway, you know this town is tough, right, hombre? Um, well, this year they caught these guys, muy malos - you heard of God’s Will First?”

“Uh, no. No, wait, I think the girls were passing around a newspaper and said something about them, but I didn’t catch any real details. I can sorta guess though. Hate crime group?”

“Si, si,” Cam said, nodding rapidly. “Real bad shit, ese.”

“But they caught them?”

Cam raised one index finger. “Caught most of ‘em, man. But there were like fifty of these guys all across town, so they knew like everyone between ‘em, and their boss guy, he was a judge. Got access to the county records, right, and the cops found this fuckoff-huge binder of basically everyone in town they’d whack if they got the chance. Los pajaros, single moms, anyone who’s not their special flavour of Christian crazy… And I guess…” He gulped. “… hittin’ on girls all the time wasn’t enough to fool ‘em. I don’t even know who found me out. Coulda been a kid at my old school or one of my teachers or neighbours or… anybody, man. And these guys weren’t messin’ around, the first kid they killed was eleven. They weren’t gonna go easy on me.”

Lee gaped. “Okay, Jesus fuck, that’s actually even worse.”

“Y-yeah. So Mama freaks out, yeah? And she looks for the most secure school in the county, and…” Cam gestured widely at the dorm room. “Picked the reform school. Principal Robot-Guy said there’d be no trouble if I stayed outta trouble, and so far, well, he’s kinda right, but…”

“Yeah,” Lee said, uncomfortable. “Just seeing, uh, ‘trouble’ sucks nearly as much.” They were silent for a while, and then he added, “I won’t tell anyone.”

“Cool. Uh, so, am I hopin’ too much if I ask…?”

“Um… no, I’ve been thinking about it and I… might be bi? But I kinda like someone else already.”

“Tina? Aw.” Cam shrugged. “Didn’t hurt to ask, right? Still bros?”

“Definitely still bros.”

~

“You okay, Cam? You’ve been kinda grumpy all day.”

Cam and Lee stood at the sinks in the boys’ restroom, washing their hands with the gritty green soap which had probably been designed for cleaning floors more than flesh. Cam was scrubbing hard enough to leave marks on his palms..

“Ugh, yeah, just… you remember you said you were ‘thinkin’ about’ liking dudes? No, this ain’t about you, it’s me,” he added hastily when Lee opened his mouth. “Just… you knew you liked girls before, is it weird for that to happen from, like, the other direction?”

Lee cocked an eyebrow. “Huh?”

“I don’t know, what’s that word? Demi? Can you be that for just one gender and like, standard issue interested for another?”

“I… don’t know, but I don’t see why not. Why?”

Cam mumbled something. Lee caught the name “Brandy” in it.

“You like Brandy?”

“Hey, keep it down!”

“Sorry. But… Brandy?!”

“What’s wrong with… Okay, so maybe there are a few things… Wait! Don’t talk about mi chiquita like that!”

“Cam… she’s crazy in the head.”

“We’re all going crazy, homes.” Cam sighed. “She let me borrow her underwear.”

“Huh?”

“You know, Grayson’s… yeah. She’s a mucho badass lady once you get down to it. And I think she likes me, I just…” He cringes. “I’ve never felt this way about a girl before.”

“Well, I guess it’s no different from how a bunch of people say they’re straight except for about one or two guys, is it?”

“I guess not, but, well, social baggage, yeah? I feel like I’m lettin’ the side down, man.”

“Hey, you’re speakin’ to a bi dude here. You didn’t stop liking guys, right? Still counts. You’re a little more over to the B versus the G than you thought you were but you’re still in the alphabet soup.”

Cam winced. “Don’t mention soup. I still got blisters on my lap.”

“Sorry. But you see what I mean.”

“Yeah.” Cam shrugged and sighed. “Dunno if anything’ll come of it either way though. I might be wrong about her liking me, she kinda seems like she likes Kimmie…”

“That’s… Uh, I’m sorry, man.”

“It’s cool, it’s cool, ese. It’s just, like, whatever… y-y’know?” He laughed weakly. “But why’d it have to be Señorita Psycho-Bitch?”

“Don’t let Biffy hear you say that,” Lee whispered. “Look, whatever happens - me and Holg? We’re here for you.”

“Thanks, homes.”

Chapter Text

“Tung Lashor’s House of Hotwings, this is Kasher Kettle speaking.”

“… Dad?”

The voice on the end sounded very small and lost, and a little higher-pitched than he’d been expecting it to be by now.

“Lucien? Is that you?”

A hesitant, affirmative-sounding noise.

“Lucien! It’s been forever! How are you?” Technically he shouldn’t be taking personal calls at work, but screw it, he owned the place.

“Oh, I’m quite alright. Just wanted to ask something…”

“How much?”

“Father dear, I’m hurt. What exactly do you take me for?” Then his kid laughed. “No, I don’t want any money… this time.”

“Oh, then-”

“What are your thoughts on Judy Garland?”

Kasher rolled his eyes, glad the boy couldn’t see him, and sigh-laughed. “If you’re tryin’ to come outta the closet, your mom and I both kinda had an inkling since you were, like, five. We didn’t know, but we figured you’d tell us when you were okay to, if you were.”

“Oh?” Lucien sounded surprised.

“Yeah, c’mon, you’re my son. I hear from you little enough, I won’t push you away over that.”

“Er, about the ‘son’ part…”

“Oh… oh, you’re a chick now?”

“Not quite. Think somewhere in the middle.”

“Uh… okay?” He scratched his head. “ ‘S there a word for that?”

“Not sure. I’m working on it.”

“Okay,” Kasher said again.

“Are you okay with it?”

“Sure, I mean… Fuck, kiddo, it’s a little weird but not as weird as the time you told everyone-”

“Duly noted. Err, thanks. I’m grateful.”

“If you really mean that then call more often.”

Chapter Text

“Uncle Julien!” Julien the Thirteenth, thirteen years old and fresh off the plane, flung his arms wide for a hug which Julien the Twelfth did not reciprocate. “Mahafinaritra ny mahita anao!” In Malagasy, his grammar was far better than in English.

“Yeah, hey there, kid,” his uncle said, grabbing one of his hands to shake and ruffling his hair. “C’mon, let’s get home. I’ll show you around.”

Julien the younger chattered away throughout the walk to the parking lot, jumping between Malagasy and French and English at random, practically bouncing with glee at every new thing he saw, until…

“Oww… Uncle, I need to stop at the store,” he said, rubbing his stomach.

“Can’t it wait?”

“Uh, no. I need tampons.”

A pause. “Why?”

A much longer pause.

“… You forgot”?!”

“Hey, last time I saw you the relevant parts were diapered!”

“That’s the whole reason I came to the States!”

“You know how your mom is.” He made a chatting motion with his hand. “To be honest, I tuned most of it out.”

“Oh.”

“So-”

“I still need tampons.” Little Julien grabbed at his hair and fiddled with it. “It’s like… you know those girls with… male parts, yes? Think that, only in reverse…”

“Huh.” The older man shrugged. “Whatever, kid, it’s your life.”

“You aren’t going to kick me out?”

“Your mama would have my head if I did. Look, stay if you need to… just keep your head down.” The senior Julien glanced around the parking lot and spoke quietly. “Lot of weirdos in this town.”

Chapter Text

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk on stage, Webby?”

“What? You don’t believe me that nothing happened to me? Isn’t it usually the other way around?” Webby laughed nervously.

Donald shook his head and said, “No, I believe you, but it’s not necessarily about things happening to you. Hearing all this must be pretty scary.”

Webby chuckled again. “Hehe. Yeah, I’m… worried about Lena, now. She’s not exactly subtle and someone might pick up on it. Well, either thing.”

Donald remembered the pink-striped badge, the Pride pamphlets, Lena and Webby taking over the kitchen to mix up potions and get-well charms for Panchito, Webby dragging Lena in a dance around the mansion, singing: “With the hand of my best friend, we bring about the danger’s end!” Webby, at eleven, was still young enough to halfway think Wicca worked like Azura. Donald and his various friends had vowed to keep a closer eye on her in case she got overconfident from that and ended up at higher risk.

“And, um…” Webby shuffled her feet and continued. “She has bruises, sometimes. One time it looked like someone grabbed her wrist really hard.”

Donald thought of the brief meetings they’d had with “Aunt Magica”. “Well, tell her she always has a safe base with us.” He’d made one or two calls to CPS, but nothing had come of it yet.

“And… so do I, right?”

“What? Of course! You’re family!”

Webby squeezed her fists and squared her shoulders. “Then… then I do have something to tell you, Uncle Donald! And you guys, and Tío Panchito and Tío José…” She took a deep breath, and said all in a rush, “… well you probably already know I have a crush on Lena but now I’m okay with telling you!”

The family burst out snickering, and Dewey thumped Webby on the back companionably.

“We did suspect,” Donald said, “but you’re right, we wanted to wait before we assumed.”

“Si, patita, we didn’t want to push,” said Panchito, smiling and ruffling her hair. “It’s something you’ve gotta figure out on your own time, yeah?”

“So are you gay or bi or what?” Dewey asked.

Webby shrugged. “I don’t know. I just like Lena. I haven’t like-liked any guys yet, but I dunno how to tell if it’ll never happen? I don’t think it matters right now.”

“It’s all cool,” Louie said. He hugged her, and Huey and Dewey joined in. “So long as you still single-like us, we all still single-like you.”

Webby looped her arms around all three of them. “I single-like all three of you forever.”

Chapter Text

“Hey, um… Mitchell? Can I talk to you for a sec?”

Thirteen-year-old Mitchell Conrad looked up to see his fourteen-year-old cousin in the doorway, holding their uncle’s old laptop in both hands. “Aw, crap, you didn’t break it-”

“No! That’s not- heyyy,” Zigmund pouted. “That’s not fair.”

“So, what do you want?” Silently, Zigmund turned the screen to face him. “Q Christian Fellowship”, and a big rainbow logo on the screen. “Huh?”

“There’s some, ah, ‘stuff’ I’ve been thinking about… just don’t tell anyone else, okay?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “It isn’t sodomy if you don’t actually do anything, is it? Just being… like that doesn’t count.”

“Just being like-”

“You… you know, like that.”

“Is this you trying to come out of the closet?” Immediately Zigmund tensed. “It’s okay, it’s okay… Actually, I kinda guessed already.”

“What?! No, but I… It’s fine. Is it just you?

“… Sure?”

“Okay. I can… nobody can know, alright? I don’t want anybody to-”

“What’s with the computer?”

He brightened immediately. “Oh! It’s this site I found, it’s great… it’s… I think it’s okay if I don’t act on it, there are a lot of people saying that…”

“And you… agree with them?”

“Don’t you?” He paused. “Well, I guess there are those ‘Side A’ people, but… I don’t know, seems awful convenient.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“It’s part of the website,” Zigmund whined. “Side A thinks it’s sort of okay to date… other guys and stuff.”

“What about Side B?”

“They know it’s not… It has to stay a secret. It doesn’t have to be a sin.”

“And you’re… okay with that?”

Zigmund glanced up at the ceiling and whatever was above it. “It’s not up to me.”

Chapter Text

“And then I was like- hey, watch it!” Coraline stood up from her chair, whirling around to face Pacifica, milk dripping from her hair. Riley and Wybie, on each side of her, slid their chairs back out of the way.

“Chill, Jonesie, it was an accident-” Wybie started to say.

“No it wasn’t! She did that on purpose!”

For her part, the other girl looked unfazed. “Duh.”

“It’s okay, Coraline, it’s okay. I’ll get some paper towels.” Riley started to get up now, but their friend pulled them back.

“No! She can get them, or better yet, she can tell me what her problem i-”

“Everybody knows that you’re a lesbian.”

“W-what?”

“Come on, seriously? It was all over the news!” Pacifica sighed dramatically.

“Wait… this is about Ms. Beldam?! That’s not fair!”

“My uncle said you licked her pussy. Is that true? Or did you just let her do yours?”

“Shut up!” Wybie snapped, glaring at Pacifica. “What the heck is wrong with you?!”

“I’m not the one sitting at the dyke table,” Pacifica said, eyeing both Coraline and Riley.

“Wait, isn’t your uncle gay? Mabel said that he-”

“Why are you talking to Mabel?” Pacifica groaned and rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Yeah, so? It’s different with girls.”

Coraline rolled her own eyes and said, “Well, I hate to break it to you but nothing happened.”

“Well, I hate to break it to you but nothing happened,” Pacifica mocked.

Wybie growled. “She’s not gay, what else do you-”

“Shut it, Wyborn. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I… Oh. Wait, really?”

Coraline shrugged. “I mean, it’s got nothing to do with her, but yeah. Big deal.”

“Oh. Sorry, I didn’t know. How’d you figure it out, if it’s okay…?”

“The actresses in the other apartment were really pretty when they were younger and they have pictures. Wanna come over and see?”

Pacifica cackled and started to say, “See, I told you-”

“What?” Coraline snapped, grabbing her friends by their arms. “Like they’re gonna care.”

“Most people will.”

“Oh yeah, wanna bet?” Coraline got up on her chair. “HEY, EVERYBODY! GUESS WHAT?!”

Riley kept their eyes on their friend and blushed.

Chapter Text

“Hey, Ruby. Been a while.”

Max sat on the grass and played with his shoe’s Velcro. The place was quiet. No one to interrupt them.

“So, uh, didn’t tell ya before, but… I kinda met a guy. Like, in the romantic way.”

Ruby’s gravestone was paid for by donations. A lot of donations. Pretty little white girl. Horrible death. They’d been able to afford a nice one - the nicest child grave in the world. Pink-granite, shaped like a sleeping rabbit. In loving memory- as if that weren’t the most generic thing in the world.

“I guess there’s no way either of us coulda known back then. I hope you’re okay with… Ya probably are, right? S’ not like our parents had time to fill our heads with shit.” He nicked his lip on one sharpened tooth. “Did we even know that was a thing that could happen back then? Well, it is and it did.”

Silence, like always. A breeze rustled the flowers. He’d picked some wildflowers, which probably technically counted as theft or environmental damage or something but it wasn’t like that was the worst he’d done. Orange yarrow, like the little orange flowers on Ruby’s favourite yellow dress from way back then.

“He’s… nice. Name’s Sam. He’s a private detective. We kid about bein’ ‘freelance police’.”

Ruby had never had the cooties stage. There was no mental image of a little girl with a grimace and an “Eww, Max, don’t talk about things like that.” Maybe she was happy. She probably was. She’d always wanted what was best for him.

“I, um… I don’t know whether or not you’ve been watchin’ over me or what… but that’s the gist, I guess? I think I’m gay. I hope you’re not, like, mad about it or whatever.” He laughed. “Think of it this way - as far as girls go, you’ll always be my number one.” He paused, as if listening. “How we met? Well, I was out, uh, ‘partying’. Ran into him, he got me coffee and told me not to stick the stirrer inside my arm again. I didn’t tell him much about ya yet. Don’t wanna spread around the gory details. He figured out I was havin’ kind of a tough time and now I work with him. He’s tryin’a help out.” Max sighed. “Dunno how much I can be helped, not now. But maybe all the good luck I’m due is showin’ up.”

Max had never grown very tall, but he was still bigger than Ruby had ever been. He still imagined her hugging him the way she had done when she was alive, leaning over and enveloping him in her arms, rather than only reaching his waist.

“So yeah. He’s cool. Kinda takes care of me. Not like you did, but he made sure I didn’t die. I think you’da liked him. Sooooo…”

He leaned closer to the little gravestone.

“… can I start missing you less now?”

Chapter Text

“Namdongsaeng?!”

Choe didn’t usually call him that. Usually only when he was about to get angry. He was medicated, had been for years, but a childhood of broken toys and drywall holes made Ma-gang cautious in approaching regardless. “Yes, hyeong?”

“I need your help. I can’t find my leg.”

“Um…” Gang tapped his fingers. Come on. Now or never. “I… should be able to help with that, but… do you mind if I talk with you about something? Something… important?”

“I swear to- Did you break it?!”

“What?! No! I… Wait, how the fuck could I break it?! It’s solid metal and-”

“And silicon. And I don’t know, but if you broke it I’m going to beat you with the pieces.”

“… Again, how? Are you going to hop around until you catch me?”

“I’ll throw them really hard.”

“You do realize your aim isn’t all that great?”

“Just tell me what you want to talk about so I can figure out if I need to hit you.”

“Um… w-well…” Gang rubbed the back of his head. “I know this may come as… a bit of a surprise. But I’ve had a lot of time to think about it, and… I… I think it’s time you knew that… I’m gay.”

“I know.”

Gang blinked. “Sorry, what?”

“I’ve known since middle school. You had K-pop idol posters all over your room. Male idols. You’re even into that fucking Canadian boy-band… what is it… 5 Towns?”

“4*town.”

“See? Also you constantly stared at Park in gym, you somehow know how to contour, and all your friends are gay. So yeah. I already knew.”

“All my friends are gay?!”

“Gang.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I don’t care? I have other problems, like where my fucking leg is- oh. Have you had it this whole time?”

“Pretty much. Yeah.”

“Fuck you!”

“I wasn’t sure how this conversation would go!”

“So, what? You thought I was going to chase you down and beat you with it?”

“You might!”

“You’re right. I might. Especially since, I don’t know if you realized, but I haven’t had my fucking medication yet. You know, the medication for my intermittent explosive disorder? The thing that makes me more prone to outbursts? The medication that I can’t reach if I don’t have my fucking leg?”

Gang thought a moment. “Um… I’ll give it back. Just one other thing.”

“Gang, I swear on Appa’s grave-”

“I have two boyfriends.”

“Okay? And? Gimme!”

“Hyeong-”

“Look, if you want to have a big emotional moment, maybe don’t steal my body parts!”

“You don’t care? Not even a little bit?”

“I’m dating a drug addict with a sister complex.”

“… They’re brothers.” He fidgeted. “One of them is a little older. One of them’s my age…”

“That sounds like a twin fetish with extra steps.”

“They don’t look that alike. You’ll like them.”

“I’ll like them better if I can have my fucking leg back.”

Gang stepped out of the room and returned holding the metal limb.

“Thank you.” Choe attached it to its anchor. “Was that so fucking hard?”

“No, but… you really don’t care?”

“I wouldn’t care even if they were dating each other.” Choe paused, then looked up, looking worried for the first time. “It’s not Shagg and Yu, is it?”

“You mean the guys who wrote that suspiciously familiar comic relief into their show after I told them to keep the noise down? No.”

“Oh, thank God. Crisis averted. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go take my medication before I do something I regret.” He walked out of the room.

“… The Gos aren’t dating each other. For the record.”

That made Choe halt. “Did you say Go?”

“Um, yeah… but it’s a pretty common last name.”

“Right…” He nodded. “I… That’s right. It doesn’t mean anything.”

Chapter Text

“Oh, hyeong!” Gang waved him over to a vendor booth. Choe nodded, following him. “Booth 247, this is us!”

“Great. So, it’s us and Yu manning this?”

“Yeah, you can just hand the food out,” Gang said. “You’re good at that. Oh, and one more thing.” Gang handed him two pins. “For you.”

Choe looked at them. One was a pronoun pin, “he/him”. This he put on. The other was a black and white background with a rainbow chevron, and this he pocketed, switching it out for a pin he brought on his own. Gang blinked at this, then inspected it closer. Black triangle, white top, grey bottom, and purple stripe down the middle…

“I don’t think I know that flag,” Gang said after a moment.

“Oh, uh…” Choe rubbed the back of his neck. “Demisexual.”

“Demi…?”

“Means I’m not… I dunno… instantly attracted to someone? I have to know them first.” He shrugged. “It’s a thing.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“… ‘Cause I just figured it out? I was talking to Yeon a few weeks ago and she said something about sex. I dunno, it just got me thinking. One internet rabbit hole later, and here we are.”

“So, you just figured it out, but you already had a pin ready to go?”

“Heh, uh, that was on Younghwa. She had a bunch of pins printed out for the bakery and she said I could have one.”

“Hm.” Gang shrugged. “You still could have told me sooner.”

Choe motioned around them, at the many waving rainbow flags. “Hey, what better place to come out? Besides…” he motioned at the three pins his brother wore. “It’s easier to explain than your thing.”

“My thing is not that hard to explain.”

“Sure it’s not. Come on, we have a sign to put up.”

“Right.”

They put up the sign for Ma-Jo’s together. When they walked back down, Gang stared at it. Stared for a long, long time.

“Something wrong?”

“I just realized… I’m not straight. Turns out you’re not exactly straight. And Jo might not have been straight either. He might have been, but… we don’t know. And now we never will.” Gang kicked a rock away. “It’s… not really fair.”

Choe stared at the sign for a moment, then pulled out the unworn pin. “Well, if he was straight,” he finally said, giving Gang a small smile, “let’s just say this is his pin.”

Chapter Text

“Hey, Will! Got back from that festival sooner than we expected, Gromit won first-” Wallace halted in the doorway of his living room, Gromit only slightly behind him. “Will?”

His supposed boyfriend was standing before the looking glass dressed in… well, a dress. “He” wore a wig and lipstick on top of that, and a string of pearls. “Willard” Tweedy froze and turned to “his” boyfriend and adopted son with the look of a deer in the headlights.

“Wallace! Gromit! I-I didn’t think you’d be ‘ome so soon!”

“Neither… neither did we,” Wallace said slowly.

Papa? little Gromit typed. Why are you in a dress?

“Willard” blurted out the first thing “he” could think of. “I’m… I’m goin’ to… to be in a play! It’s old-fashioned Shakespeare… V-very t-traditional!”

“Will-”

“I’m… I’m not… I’m just… I… I… Please don’t be-”

“You look beautiful.”

“W-what?!”

“You look beautiful,” Wallace said again.

“You… you aren’t angry?”

“I don’t see… Why should I be angry? It’s none of me business what you wear.”

Wilhelmina froze. “You aren’t angry…” She doubled over. “Oh… oh thank God!”

Now Wallace looked confused. “Why…?” He trailed off and shook his head. “Are you okay? Did you really think I’d be mad about this?”

“I… Maybe…?”

“Will, I love you. I’m not going to be angry about something like this.”

“You…” She trailed off.

“Why did you think I’d be?”

“Um…”

“Will.”

“I… I’m… I’m not Will,” she told him.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not a crossdresser.”

She waited for him to get her meaning.

And then he did.

“You… you’re-”

“Wally, I’m not really a man. I’m sorry if I-”

“What?! Why are you sorry?”

“For… for lying to you…” she said. “For not telling you the truth.”

“You… I… I’m the one who should be sorry!”

“What for?”

“For makin’ you feel like you couldn’t tell me about this! I should've-”

“It’s nothing you did! I… didn’t want anyone to know.”

“Why not?”

“People ‘ave been… less than acceptin’ in the past,” she said quietly. “I was scared of… of anyone finding out.”

“What do you mean, ‘less than accepting’? Who-”

“It’s nothing,” she said quickly. “You… you’re really not upset?”

He shook his head. “Of course not.” He paused. “You said you didn’t want me to call you… that you’re not… Will. Is there sommat else you want me to call you?”

She looked at him with watery brown eyes. “Wilhelmina,” she told him. “Call me that. Call me Wilhelmina.”

“Wilhelmina, then,” he said aloud. “Wilhelmina. Beautiful name for a beautiful lady.”

She kissed him on the mouth.

Chapter Text

“Look, you can tell me.”

“I can't!”

“Oh, come on, what is it?”

“I'm… pwegnant!”

Awkward silence, until Samuel broke it with, “No… no, you’re Haul. Runner.”

Blank stare from the man in question.

“The male.”

More silence. This time Haul spoke first, thoroughly confused. “Yeah, and…?”

“Guys can’t get pregnant.”

“Yeah, tell that to the this pwegnancy test I took,” Haul said, holding up one of his prosthetic arms. A pregnancy test with two lines lay in the palm.

“Oh God, you got prostate cancer?!”

Haul stared. “Samuel, I’m twans.”

“What?”

“Twans. You know, like Mawzi.”

“I could have sworn you weren’t.”

“Well, thanks for the compliment.” In spite of himself, Haul gave a beaming smile. “But yup. Twans.”

“So… who’s the-”

“Mawzipan. We use condoms, but in hindsight, I pwobably shouldn’t have gotten them fwom that Champagne Chawiot vending machine.”

“Are you keeping it?”

“Yes.”

Awkward silence before Samuel spoke up again.

“Yeah, uh… I think I'd like my money back now.”

Haul rolled his eyes as he went to get the money. And people called him dense.

Chapter Text

“Excuse me, can I help? I’m an OB-GYN,” asked the stranger.

The kids looked up from where their teacher lay in pain on the museum floor. Milo stopped dialling 911. “That’s a baby delivery doctor, right? I don’t think Mr. Baldwin-”

Mr. Baldwin clutched frantically at the bald man. “YOU’VE GOTTA HELP! I’m carrying octuplets! I can’t have them HERE!”

“Wait, what?” Oscar blinked.

Mr. Baldwin groaned. “I thought you kids had noticed!”

“We thought you were just fat!”

“You thought I was-” Another contraction. He screamed. “Fuck!”

“Mr. Baldwin’s pregnant and he can swear!”

“Milo, this is not… the… time…”

“Alright, Milo, was it?” the bald man said quickly. “Are you still on the line to 911? Good. Tell them what’s happening while I take care of Mister… Baldwin? Yes, good. Would you prefer I use your first name? Pronouns he/him or something else?”

“N-no, it’s ‘he’, that’s fine, and it’s… Gil.”

“Oh, was your old name Jill?”

“Oscar!” Bea gasped and shoved him. “It’s really rude to ask that!”

It had been Pearl, actually, but Bea was right; and besides, Mr. Baldwin had other things on his mind.

“Sorry.” Oscar peered over the doctor’s shoulder. “I didn’t know guys who… y’know… could still have kids.”

“Depends on a lot of things,” Mr. Baldwin said through gritted teeth, “which I will be happy to explain after we make sure I don’t die!”

“Don’t worry,” the stranger said, rolling up his jacket for a makeshift pillow. “I’m not gonna let that happen, okay? The ambulance will be here in no time and I’ll keep you as safe as I can till then.”

“And the babies? They’re more delicate than I am.”

“Don’t worry, I’m going to do everything I can to make sure we don’t lose a single one. Okay?”

Mr Baldwin squeezed the doctor’s offered hand in one of his and Oscar’s in the other. “Okay.”

“Great. Now breathe…”

Chapter Text

It was a pretty rare occasion for the entire Ryoshi family to be sitting together at one table, considering they were split between two (previously three) countries and even the youngest members were currently adults with their own lives and responsibilities. The last time it had happened was just before Gyeong left for medical school, and it had been a few years since then. So when A-hu cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention it was because, quite simply, he didn’t think he’d get another chance for a while. Best to get it out in one go.

“What is it?” Kit was the first to give her cousin a curious look.

“Um, well, I just… There’s something important I need to get off my chest.”

That caught the attention of the rest. Mother, uncles, and brother now all had their eyes on him. The invitation to continue speaking went unspoken.

“I just… wanted you all to know I’m gay. Thought I’d say it while everyone was here.”

A-hu was expecting a calm reaction to the news. Maybe some reassurances they still loved him or Kit offering to set him up with someone. What he was not expecting was for almost everyone to groan, pull out a 5000 yen bill, and hand them to his smug-looking mother; but he recognized the behavior when he saw it.

“Wait, were all of you betting on whether or not I was gay?!”

“Oh, no,” Junji-ojisan spoke up. “We knew you were gay, the bet was on when you were finally going to tell us.”

“What?!”

“Baby,” Okaasan said, “even Gyeong’s had a few girlfriends by now.”

“I thought maybe you weren’t interested, but…” Itachi-ojichan shrugged. “Then I met your friends.”

“I could just tell,” Kit said with a shrug.

“I also just sort of knew,” Gyeong confessed.

“Besides, it’s not as though we haven’t been through this before.” Junji pointed to Kit and Itachi.

“I’m not gay.”

“You’re trans, close enough.”

“So… all of you knew I was gay… but none of you asked me about it?”

Itachi’s husband spoke up. Kit translated. “Wasn’t our place.”

“But it was your place to bet on it?”

“Why not? Your mother and I bet on when Itachi would finally admit it, and we,” Junji motioned between himself, Itachi, and Lowell, “all bet on what Kit was going to turn out to be.”

Okaasan looked at Junji-ojisan curiously. “Who won that?”

“Well… we hadn’t considered trans, so technically-”

“I stumped all of them and got to keep the money.”

“… Good for you?”

She smirked.

“What about with Itachi-ojichan?”

“That’s not important-”

Okaasan snorted. “He’s just saying that because he lost.”

“Wow, so Uncle’s zero for three,” Kit said, laughing herself. “You’re not very good.”

A-hu sighed. “Well, then. Glad I could continue the family tradition. I guess.”

“Chin up.” Kit patted him. “You can join the betting pool when I have kids.”

“Speaking of, why aren't you married yet?”

“I told you, finding someone is complicated.”

“What about Eun? He likes you.”

“How old do you think I am?!”

Chapter Text

“Are you okay?”

Beck and Junichi were in the loft now. Junichi had released Hansel-kun from the harness and proceeded to flop face down on the couch. “No. Not really.”

“What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” He sat up. “You want the full list of what exactly is wrong? Alright! Let’s have a list!” He started counting things off. “Thing number one, I kidnapped a girl. Thing number two, I sold her - thing number three - to a sex trafficking ring. Thing number four, I took a job as a sex trafficker. Thing number five, I did this in an effort to protect my little siblings, who, by the way, all got fucked! Literally! Thing number six, I raped some poor man along with a row of other men just so my little sister didn’t end up the same way! And again, that failed! Thing number seven, I have starved, beaten, filmed, and tortured children! Thing number eight, I tried to keep them from leaving that hell! Thing number nine, that backfired! Thing number ten, I now hate dogs! Thing number eleven, the only reason I’m not rotting in prison is because I’m telling on these people, and even then I don’t feel like I’m much help! Thing number twelve, I’m now blind! Oh, and thing number thirteen? The kicker to all this? I don’t even like sex! I don’t get why anyone would! It’s disgusting! So, I am a fuckup who doesn’t even want to fuck! Have I left anything out?!”

“All the cannibalism, maybe.” Beck sat down beside him. “Sorry, too soon?”

“Leave the humor to your brother.”

“Tough crowd… Erm, is there anything I can do?”

“Shoot me and scatter my ashes.”

“No can do, soldier. I have this thing called freedom and I’d like to keep it, if it’s all the same to you.”

“Don’t rub it in.”

“… You know… for the record, I don’t really see a rapist when I look at you. Or the fuckup you think you are.”

Junichi turned his head in her direction. “You know you’re talking to one.”

“I also know you probably had a gun trained on you at the time.” She shrugged. “Besides, you’re… well, I think you’re… a…” Her face twisted and she went quiet.

“Beck-sama? Are you okay?”

“I’m just… It’s hard to say… You’re a… a f-fr-friend.”

“… Really?”

“Don’t make fun of me!”

“I’m not, I just… You don’t strike me as the kind to get attached.”

“I’m not,” she said. “Take it as an ego boost.”

~

Gretel would never forget walking in to see Junichi seated at the computer with a shocked expression in the middle of the sentence. “… you even call?! I thought Beck-sama had to arrange everything!”

“I saved the contact.”

“Aren’t you in prison?!”

“Oh, I got out early. Good behavior.”

“Is now a bad time to tell you I’ve been learning Japanese?” Gretel asked as she walked over. “How’d your brother call anyway? This is a secure line.”

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out! Is this illegal? It feels illegal!”

Gretel shrugged. “Just this once, I saw nothing. But to be safe I’ll stay to supervise.”

Junichi sighed. “Well, you may as well tell me why you’re calling. Something wrong?”

Ryuki fidgeted slightly. “No? Yes? I just… I wanted to talk to you about something. It probably could have waited, but… I couldn’t talk about it with Makiko or Sachio on the line, so…”

“Are you pregnant?” He blinked. “Wait, nevermind.”

“Junichi…”

“It’s been a long day, alright?!”

His brother laughed. “Fair enough. Um… remember that guy I told you about? Ayshe’s father?”

“Abdul? What about him? Is he pregnant? No… no, wait…”

“I hope not,” Ryuki said. “No, it’s just that… I liked him, I guess. I don’t know how to explain it.”

“So, what, you’re gay?”

“No! That’s not it,” Ryuki said. “That’s kind of the problem. We weren’t… exactly… together when he died. But we also WERE together? Kinda? We… um, we’d talked about… moving in, living together. Having a life together. Raising Ayshe and Makiko and Sachio together. Like a married couple. But not romantically? It’s just…” A sigh. “I miss him. I miss him a lot. And… he was my friend, but… I don’t know. He wasn’t JUST my friend. It feels weird and… I just wanted to talk it out with you. You always seem to know how to deal with weird feelings.”

“Um, I think I know what you’re talking about.” Junichi wracked his brain. “The English word is queerphobi-… no, queerplatonic relationship? I think? It’s dating, but only with… some of the feelings there. Not spouses. Not friends.”

Ryuki blinked. “There’s a word for that?”

“In English, yeah.”

“… That… that actually helps. If there’s a word for it, then I’m not the only one who’s ever felt that way.” He wrung his hands. “Well, he felt that way, too, but…”

“… Are you… okay?”

“Not really. I keep… thinking about him. About what would have been. If… if things had been just a little different.” Ryuki sighed. “I miss him. I just… I wish you could have met him. My… What is it called when you’re in that kind of relationship?”

“I think most people use ‘partner’.”

“My partner. I wish you could have met my partner.”

“Me too. I’m sorry.”

Gretel actually sniffled. Just a little bit.

Chapter Text

“Mark, if you put your creepy fetishes in this game one more time I am going to punch you.”

“What? What did I do?!”

It was the usual G&G game, held in the same place as usual. Fewer snacks. The kid who usually ran the trading operation hadn’t been around for a while. When they thought about her, the Elders hoped she was okay, but right now, they were focused on the game.

“We could handle the catgirls-”

“Who doesn’t like catgirls?”

“-and the bondage shit-”

“Kind of comes with the territory with spider elves.”

“-but this is a bit much.”

“What? Seriously, what’s the problem?”

“Everything we’ve fought this month tried to swallow us whole or sprayed acid and your description of the gelatinous cubes is getting a bit… unsettling.”

“Hey, hey, did I complain when you guys wanted to fuck the werewolf?”

There was a long silence.

“… Shit, you actually did?” Mark buried his face in his hands. “Oh my God I am so sorry for joking about that.”

“Mark?”

“Hey, I can be a jerk but I don’t wanna be a homophobe! You guys are my friends, I don’t wanna seriously hurt your feelings.”

Barry laughed and patted his back. “Hey, man, chill. It’s not like we don’t make fun of you for your Shovel Princess shrine.”

“Or the catgirls!”

“Or the catgirls. You didn’t even say anything homophobic.”

“I didn’t?”

“Not really.”

“Oh. Whew.” Mark sighed. “I don’t wanna be that much of a… So wait, you guys are, like… gay or bi or whatever?”

“Uh, yeah,” Barry said, and took David’s hand. “Both gay. I kinda thought you knew.”

David grinned. “I bet he didn’t. Pay up.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Five dollars. They were out of snacks to bet, and they were all quiet for a moment again.

“When you say both,” Mark said, looking from one of his friends to the other and back, “do you mean, like, separately, or are you… a thing?”

David went pink and nodded. “Kind of. It’s recent and, uh, we were trying to be subtle because we didn’t wanna make you feel left out. We don’t wanna kiss you but we do wanna still be a team, y’know?”

“Oh, geez, you didn’t make me feel left out! It’s all good.” Mark raised an imaginary sword. “Never split the party!”

“Never split the party!” the others recited, and they almost heard the clash of swords.

They settled back into the game quickly, and Mark shuffled through his notes. “Okay, at the crossroads you encounter a spider elf, silver-haired and clad in silver armour. Her- uh, wait…” He crossed something out. “His surpassing beauty makes you hesitant to raise your weapons…”

Barry groaned. “Is he an acid dragon in disguise again?”

Mark crossed something else out. “… No?”

Chapter Text

“We… are the Crystal Gems… we’ll always save the day…”

“That’s great, you’re coming along nicely!” Greg DeMayo tapped along with his child’s clumsy guitar strumming.

“An’ if you think we can’t… um, we’ll…?” Long pause, some more strumming.

Garnet thought for a moment. “ ‘Always find a way’?”

“Yeah! We’ll always find a way… That’s why the people of this world believe in… Garnet, Amy-thyst-” Pause for giggles. “And Pearl, and Steven!”

Pearl blinked. “Who’s Steven?”

Nora DeMayo kicked her feet and shrugged. “That was what Dad said Mom was gonna call me if I was a boy, and ‘Nora’ doesn’t rhyme.”

Everyone laughed and forgot about it until about six years later, when a few weeks after Nora’s Bat Mitzvah he cut off his hair and said “Uh, hey, guess what…?” And everyone agreed it was the perfect name.