Archive of Our Own ^beta

it's gonna take a bit of work
~ a SKAM France oneshot by singmetothesun

MERCREDI 10:35-13:35

“I really don’t care, Lucas, ok? Just fuck off and leave me alone.”

Eliott regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth. He buried himself further beneath the sea of blankets, sinking further into his safe space, this nest where only he existed. Where he didn’t deserve to exist, but he did all the same.

The slamming of the bedroom door rang in his ears followed a minute later by the apartment door and he was alone, capable of nothing more but simply lying there on the mattress. He would sometimes nap but mostly he would just exist there, doing nothing but getting lost in his own head or feeling completely numb like an empty shell of himself.

He raked his hands over his head, drawing himself into a fetal position. The smaller he could make himself the more insignificant he became to everything around him and he was comfortable like that. Not that he deserved to be in any way comfortable. He’d hurt Lucas again. Tossed him aside with his careless words. Lucas, his baby, his soft hedgehog, had been so excited, rambling about joining the music program as an extra alongside his prep classes for the upcoming semester. And what had Eliott done? Snapped at him like the horrible person he was, and Lucas had fled. Eliott didn’t deserve shit.

He moved his head out of the duvet, the stark contrast of the temperature of the bedroom to beneath the blankets strangely welcoming. There was a slight breeze shifting the closed curtains and the noise of Paris below was filtering in, but it was so normalized he could tune it out. His phone on the side table was flashing, no doubts with texts from his parents, and maybe some friends, but he didn’t want to read them. He couldn’t bear to see the niceties when he deserved absolutely nothing. 

He rolled over, away from the window and away from humanity, changing position purely for something to do. There was a glass of water and a ham sandwich on this side table; Lucas’ side. He always kept to Lucas’ side when he was in this state, the sheets smelling of him providing a cocoon of love and warmth even when he wasn’t here. Lucas had also left one of his hoodies across the bed. Eliott loved to wear them when he walked around the flat to use the bathroom or to make it to the couch. The little things Lucas always did for him sent a pang of guilt and self-hatred through him again. He loved Lucas so much and Lucas loved him so much in return. Eliott hurt him and Lucas still did those little things for him.

He felt the need to use the bathroom and sluggishly shuffled from out of the covers, reaching out for the grey hoodie and bracing himself against the wall for a brief second as he was hit with a head rush. When it passed, he eased into the hoodie and headed out the room. 

His bare feet slapped against the wooden flooring, the cold feel again welcoming. He crossed his arms over his chest in an almost self-hug as he wandered down the hallway, passing little segments of them along the walls. Lucas’ bac certificate, a photo of Lucas and his mom, a photo of Eliott and his parents, a photo of all five of them together at the BBQ they’d had for Lucas’ 18th. Photos of their friends, drawings of hedgehogs and raccoons on their adventures, and the framed front page of the Lux & Obscurus script signed by all involved, including Lola and La Mif. 

The bathroom was fairly basic but it was all him and Lucas needed. A joint bath-shower, toilet, sink, and a few storage cupboards. The walls were a polished white and pale blue tile, the floor a matt sandy cream so it was less slippy when stepping out the shower. Eliott used the toilet and washed his hands, breathing in the soothing scent of the handwash as he scrubbed and rinsed, making sure to not glance at himself in the mirror above. He didn’t want to see the haunted look in his eyes, the black bruises beneath them, the greasiness of his hair.

He dried his hands and headed back to the bedroom, only to pause when something yellow on the door caught his eye. It was a note.

Out with the grew
See you later
Je t’aime❤️

Eliott grabbed it and stormed through the door, throwing himself back into bed. Lucas always left him notes when he left him alone in the apartment to say where he was going and what time he’d be back, and even today when Eliott had brutally shot his excitement down, he’d still left him one. He hadn’t said when he’d be back, but it still meant Eliott wouldn’t be sleeping alone that night.

All of a sudden, he was crying. A torrent of tears that wouldn’t stop, hot and cascading and wild. He clutched the note to his chest, burying his head into the pillow as he sobbed loudly and messily. He still had Lucas’ hoodie on, and the sleeves were getting drenched. Eliott was so fucking useless.

* * *

MERCREDI 18:14 – 21:14

The next thing he knew he was opening his eyes and feeling a bit disoriented. He also had a major headache and couldn’t help feeling grateful the curtains were closed as he blinked the sleep from his eyes. Breath caught in his throat and he coughed, grimacing at how dry his mouth felt. The air felt like molasses and his entire body ached as he moved, clumsily fumbling for the glass of water on the side table, almost knocking it off before gulping down half and spilling some down his front. His face stung from the dried tears, but it was a welcome pain and he made no effort to rectify it. The water had soothed his mouth and throat and he placed the glass back on the side table before rolling back over and getting back under the sheets.

It was then that he heard the distinct noise of the apartment door again and he froze. It hadn’t slammed and he wasn’t sure if he was grateful for that or not; maybe Lucas assumed he was asleep. He didn’t come into the bedroom though, Eliott heard his footsteps pass the door heading into the open kitchen and living area. He didn’t know what time it was, but he guessed he’d slept for a few hours, and Lucas appeared to have come home alone and Eliott yet again felt a shiver of guilt pass through him. It meant that Lucas hadn’t talked to his friends about their argument, he’d kept it to himself, else the boys would have accompanied him.

He could hear the distant chatter of the TV and signs Lucas was moving around the kitchen – cupboards and drawers clanging. Eliott stayed in the bed for around fifteen seconds before willing himself up, managing to knock the glass of water to the floor as he stood up and stumbled from the head rush.

He swore loudly.

“Eliott?” came Lucas’ voice and his footsteps. Eliott groaned, fully annoyed with himself. He couldn’t even manage to get out of the fucking bed without being a burden.

Lucas came into the room, a worried look on his face but Eliott could see the tension in his frame, how he was braced for any more hurtful words to come out his mouth and hurled his way. He saw what was wrong and instantly crouched to retrieve the glass from the floor and just like that Eliott wanted him out of the room.

“Leave it, I was just bringing it out.”

“It’s fine, I got it.”

Lucas didn’t stop but neither did he look at him. Eliott snapped. “I said leave it, Lucas! You don’t need to do every fucking thing for me, I’m not your mum.”

Lucas glared at him. “Well, at least my mum would be interested in my music. Go back to sleep Eliott, you clearly need it.” He snatched the glass from the floor, grabbed the sandwich plate and left the room, and Eliott instantly felt a wave of nausea and put his head between his knees. How could he be so callous? Lucas had rushed to help him and Eliott had just spat it back in his face.

Something shattered from the direction of the kitchen and Eliott took some shaky breaths, running his hands over his head. He was such a piece of shit.

It was only when he heard the muffled sobs that he leapt up from the bed, stumbling into the wall as his head rushed again, before staggering out of the room. On any given day he would have reacted a lot quicker, but everything was tinted with fog as he forced himself out the room and down the hallway into the kitchen-living area.

His heart broke when he saw Lucas, huddled on the floor against the counter with the remnants of the glass of water scattered around him. He began to make his way across the room when Lucas looked up, wiping a sleeve over his nose.

“Eliott, you’ll get glass in your feet,” Lucas croaked, sniffing, and that did it for Eliott. His sweet Lucas was even now still trying to look out for him. He crossed the space in record time and took Lucas into his arms, feeling his heart sing when Lucas didn’t push him away.

“You need me more than I need my feet,” Eliott whispered into his hair, pulling his boyfriend as close to him as possible. “I’m so sorry, Lucas, I’m sorry. I don’t deserve you. I’m horrible and yet you’re still here.”

Lucas was shaking his head as he fisted his hands in Eliott’s, well his, hoodie. “I’m horrible too. I know what this is like for you and I know you never mean the things you say and yet I was still stupid enough to shut you out and run away, and I was still mean to you, too. I’m so sorry, Eliott.”

“You don’t need to apologize, Lucas. It was me that said the shitty awful things and I’m sorry.”

“I love you so much, Eliott,” Lucas sobbed into his chest.

“I love you too,” Eliott said back, raising his head to look him in the eyes. “You always take good care of me. You do so much for me and I’m so thankful for you every minute of every day, Lucas.”

“I’m sorry I broke the glass.”

Eliott took his hands in his and brought them to his lips, kissing them gently. It was only when Lucas hissed as he rubbed his thumb over them that it struck him - he’d never checked if his boyfriend wasn’t physically hurt and his heart jolted again.

“Shit, do you have glass in your hand?” He started checking, turning his boyfriend’s hands over and inspecting them. There was a small cut on the side of his right hand though thankfully it didn’t look too deep.

Lucas shook his head, frowning. “I think it just grazed from the force of the throw. At least I didn’t punch a wall. Fuck, do you have glass in your feet?” Eliott almost yelped as Lucas moved so fast, snatching his hands from his grip and beginning to check Eliott’s feet like he’d just checked his hands. “Shit, you’re bleeding! Stay there and I’ll get the first aid kit.”

Eliott didn’t have enough energy to get up and follow so just did as he was told, starting to gather up some of the scattered glass into a pile. When Lucas returned it was also with a brush which he haphazardly shoved most of the glass away to one side before dropping to the floor in front of Eliott, prompting him to stretch out his legs into his lap. He watched his boyfriend fondly as he made quick work of identifying where the bleeding was coming from and gently set about cleaning it. He gasped as the antiseptic grazed over the wound on his left foot up near his toes. Lucas caught his eye and he smiled in answer to his silent question. He was feeling better than earlier, that was for sure.

Once Lucas secured the plaster over his foot, Eliott immediately switched up the roles. He gently grabbed Lucas’ hand along with the antiseptic and set about doing the same to his hand. Upon finishing he brought the hand up to his lips and kissed the smooth skin next to the plaster, pleased to see Lucas looking at him like he wanted to eat him.

“Do-” Lucas swallowed, “Do you want something to eat? I was making us hot chocolate before…”

Eliott shook his head. “Hot chocolate sounds good. I’m not really up for a movie on the sofa but hot chocolate in bed sounds amazing.”

Lucas nodded, standing up before offering Eliott a hand up which he took and stood out of the way as Lucas finished clearing up the glass and set about making their drinks. Eliott could only stand like a lemon watching for so long before he yearned to feel Lucas in his arms. He stepped up behind Lucas and encircled his arms around his waist, resting his chin on his shoulder; with Lucas’ smaller height he was quite the good armrest. Lucas immediately relaxed back into him and Eliott placed a kiss on his cheek, then his neck, and then his shoulder. He didn’t miss Lucas’ breathing falter.

They stayed there even when their drinks were done, both enjoying the moment and neither wanting to move. Eliott did though, relinquishing his hold and grabbing a mug, moving to flick the TV off before heading back to the bedroom. He didn’t check Lucas was following, instead placing his drink on the table his side of the bed and picking up his phone. He fired off a few words to his parents and sent some love hearts into the group chats before placing it back down and turning back to the door as Lucas came in, armed with a can of squirty cream.

“You don’t have to, but I want some,” Lucas said gleefully and Eliott laughed softly.

“What’s hot chocolate without cream?! We’re just missing marshmallows!”

Lucas slapped his forehead. “Oh, Putain! The ones we had I gave to Manon for her baking.”

“Lucas, it’s fine,” he said, straightening out the duvet that had become all tangled up from earlier.

He didn’t notice Lucas move and so jumped a foot in the air when his boyfriend was suddenly at his side, looping his arms around his neck. Eliott immediately reciprocated his own arms surrounding Lucas as he was pulled close into the embrace. He felt the tension leave Lucas’ shoulders as they both soaked up the warmth and comfort of each other, and breathed in deeply, inhaling his scent and feeling some more of the fog in his head clear.

“Can I please kiss you?” Lucas whispered as he pulled back to look Eliott in the eyes. His eyes were pleading and searching, a warm ocean lapping at his grey soul, and Eliott knew he was safe.

“Yes,” Eliott replied and Lucas immediately sought out his lips. It wasn’t hungry or heated, instead, it was delicate and trusting, gently wrapping Eliott up in love and security. Lucas’ hand was stroking his cheek and Eliott slipped his hands under his t-shirt to feel the smooth skin beneath. It helped to ground him as he felt his heartbeat race and he sighed against Lucas’ mouth, at the pleasant feeling coursing through him.

They stopped for breath, Lucas resting his forehead against Eliott’s, the latter very, very sure his boyfriend could feel just how every part of him was tingling and he swayed a little on the spot.

“Whoa, Eliott, are you okay?” Lucas asked, steadying him before gently making him sit down on the bed. Eliott nodded, taking some deep breaths through his nose and out of his mouth, Lucas rubbing soothing circles on his back.

“Maybe I should eat something.”

“Will you be okay here? There are some overnight oats in the fridge I made yesterday, with raspberries and almonds.”

“Thank you,” he mumbled, and Lucas placed a kiss on his forehead before heading out of the room. Eliott suddenly found himself feelings flushed and overheated, and he dragged Lucas’ hoodie over his head and threw it over at the clothes hamper. He would have walked to the window to feel some fresh air on his face but he was pretty sure he didn’t have the strength, so instead he shuffled backwards on the bed until he was sat against the headboard, shoving his legs under the covers and bringing his knees to his chest.

Lucas came back in with a bowl and spoon which he leant across to give to Eliott with a kiss on the cheek before he started pulling his own layers off.

“Aren’t you eating?” Eliott asked.

Lucas shook his head, grinning. “Arthur and Alexia couldn’t decide between that new buffet place and Mika’s bar, once we all voted the buffet won.”

“Ah.” Eliott took a spoonful of the oats and let himself enjoy it. The texture was a bit weird, but it tasted divine and raspberries were his favourite. The almonds had been freshly sprinkled on the top and Eliott smiled to himself knowing Lucas had added them purely for the extra protein.

Lucas got into the bed beside him, his laptop in his hands (a present from Eliott’s family for his 18^th), and as Eliott ate he watched his boy busy himself with flicking through Netflix. Eliott, however, was in the mood for something a lot cheesier.

“Can we watch a Disney film?”

Lucas grinned knowingly at him. “Big Hero 6?”

“Big Hero 6! Hiro has your hair.”

Lucas lightly elbowed him. “Umm no, Hiro has your hair.”

"But it’s clearly just like a hedgehog like yours!” Lucas just laughed at him, conceding the point. Eliott finished his food and kissed Lucas in thanks before moving to a more comfortable position, lying down with his head against Lucas’ chest as the film started. Lucas placed the empty bowl on his side table before stroking a hand through Eliott’s hair.

“You know, Fred is totally Baz,” Lucas said after a while and Eliott snorted loudly and giggling. It was a pretty good comparison.

“So who’s Wasabi? Arthur or Yann?”

“Probably Arthur with those lasers. Yann is Baymax.”

Eliott sat up. “But surely I’m Baymax?”

“Hiro isn’t in love with Baymax though,” Lucas pouted. “It makes more sense for him to be Yann. You don’t exist in the film yet.”

“Fair. What about the girls? Go Go could totally be Emma.”

Lucas considered for a moment. “Maybe, but also Imane. Honey Lemon is Alexia or Daphné.”

“So Manon is Aunt Cass?”

“I mean they’re all Cass, I guess, but seeing as I lived with Manon that’s probably the most accurate. Which means Mika is Tadashi, ha whoops.”

Eliott all but wheezed and Lucas wasn’t far behind him, both of them laughing heartily and Lucas buried his face in his hands. It was so endearing Eliott propped himself up on one elbow to kiss the hands hiding his beautiful face and when Lucas moved them out of the way in surprise, Eliott grabbed his head with both hands and crashed their lips together.

Lucas responded instantly, cupping his face and kissing back just as hungrily. The laptop tumbled off his legs as he moved to his knees, allowing Eliott to sit against the headboard before straddling his lap. It would be nothing more than a heated make-out session, but Eliott was feeling electrified. He loved the way Lucas made him feel so alive, bringing the spring back to his eternal winter, the colours back to his sepia world. Lucas moved for his neck and Eliott gasped, smacking his head back against the headboard, but when Lucas made to apologise Eliott all but growled out for him not to stop. Lucas obeyed and kept kissing his neck before resurfacing and searching out his mouth again, whispering sweet nothings in between.

Eliott was buzzing and breathless when he signalled for Lucas to stop by gently squeezing his arms. Lucas was panting as he sat back a little on his legs, looking up at him with such love and meaning, Eliott almost wanted to take it further. But they both knew he didn’t have the energy and Eliott could already feel the exhaustion catching up with him. He leaned forward to capture Lucas’ lips in one more chaste kiss which Lucas took as he cue to move. They’d done this so many times before they didn’t need words.

Lucas took out their hot chocolate mugs and Eliott’s bowl, returning with a small glass of water for Eliott’s meds. They both shuffled to the bathroom, alternating between using the toilet and brushing their teeth before Lucas took his hand and led him back to the bedroom. As Eliott tugged off his sweatpants and t-shirt and took his meds, Lucas switched off his laptop and stripped to his boxers before they both settled under the covers. Eliott went lie on his chest but Lucas gently nudged him back the other way before squishing himself up against Eliott’s back with his arms securely around him.

“I’ve got you, Eliott. I’m here. Je t’aime,” Lucas whispered into his shoulder, kissing it sweetly.

“Merci. Moi aussi.”

Eliott surrendered to sleep almost immediately, lulled into the state of rest by the knowledge he was safe and warm and loved. And if Lucas had to be up with him at 4 am as he lay sobbing because he'd forgotten to ask about the music programme, he didn’t say anything come the following morning.