Archive of Our Own ^beta

Aaarrrgghh doubtfully eyed the bag slung over Blinky’s shoulder, as Blinky stood before the larger troll with all four of his palms facing up. “I promise this is a good idea,” Blinky said.

Backing up a little, Aaarrrgghh made a rumbling noise. It had been a week since the Battle of Killahead, and the former Gumm-Gumm was on edge. A lot had happened, and most of it felt too good to be true. The Dwoza trolls were wary of him, of course, and that was the only thing that was currently convincing him that the oversized bowl dropped on him hadn’t sent him into a deep dream. Otherwise, being free of Gunmar, being friends with Blinky… it was good. And Aaarrrgghh didn’t trust it when things seemed good. Too often, there was another shoe waiting to drop.

But it had been a week, and the scales hadn’t tipped for the worse.

It made him tense.

And now Blinky was proposing something that would require him to completely drop his guard, that would require vulnerability.

Aaarrrgghh shook his head.

Blinky’s lower hands clenched, before he took a deep breath to relax again. “Aaarrrgghh,” he said calmly. “Your mane is a mess. Please allow me to-”

Aaarrrgghh snorted, and Blinky squinted against the hot blast of air.

“At least tell me why you won’t,” Blinky pleaded, frustration creeping into his voice.

Aaarrrgghh ground his knuckles against the stone floor of Blinky’s dwelling. Blinky was between him and the exit, and though he could easily push the smaller troll aside, the thought of raising a hand to his new friend made him feel ill. Gunmar’s voice, ever present through his upbringing and not yet banished from his head, berated him for his weakness. “Can do it myself,” he grumbled.

“Clearly, you can’t!” Blinky snapped back, his patience running thin. He rubbed his face with his upper set of hands, while patting the air in a settling gesture with his lower set. “Apologies, my friend. I didn’t mean to take a harsh tone. But I can reach the places you cannot, and Gumm-Gumms aren’t especially known for their hygiene. No offense.”

Looking away, Aaarrrgghh hunched his shoulders. It was true, and no offense was taken. However, it just made him all the more aware of how he didn’t fit into this new setting. All the trolls here had different values, a whole different culture from him. He was already an adult—how could he ever hope to catch up with the rest of them? He might have shed his Gumm-Gumm armor, but maybe there were just some fundamental things about him that couldn’t be changed.

“Aaarrrgghh,” Blinky said softly, stepping closer. He held out a hand, but didn’t make contact. “You are safe in this place. You can be honest with me. What’s bothering you?”

Aaarrrgghh wanted to believe Blinky. He wanted to so badly. But trust and safety were antithetical to the world he’d been raised in, to every lesson he’d ever learned.

Well… almost every lesson. He was still learning, wasn’t he? Hesitantly, he moved his own hand forward so the knuckles pressed against Blinky’s palm. “Scared,” he admitted.

Blinky’s fingers folded over the hand that was so much larger than his own. “Who isn’t?” he said, his face creasing into a warm smile. “We live in a strange and frightening world. But that is what friends are for, yes? To make the world a little less so. To create our own pockets of comfort.”

Aaarrrgghh let out a shaky breath. Comfort. Slowly, he nodded. “Okay.”

“Excellent!” Blinky declared, stepping back and digging into his satchel. Aaarrrgghh felt an odd stab of disappointment at the loss of contact. “I’ll start with brushing your fur, to make it easier to wash. Then we can head to the springs, if you’re up for it, and I’ll teach you about proper grooming so you don’t have to rely on me.”

As Blinky rambled, Aaarrrgghh lowered himself to the floor, lying on his belly to give Blinky easy access. He was becoming very fond of listening to Blinky talk—which was fortunate, because the smaller troll never seemed to run out of things to say. Once Aaarrrgghh was comfortably settled, Blinky approached him with a wiry brush in one hand and scissors in another.

“If I tug too hard on a knot, or if you get overwhelmed and want to stop, just let me know, alright?” Blinky asked, waiting for an assenting nod before reaching for the back of Aaarrrgghh’s head.

Aaarrrgghh suppressed a flinch as Blinky’s hands entered his blind spot, focusing instead on keeping his breathing steady. Blinky was silent at first as he worked the brush through the tangles and knots of Aaarrrgghh’s shaggy mane, pausing occasionally to make sure Aaarrrgghh was still okay. Then, as he fell into a rhythm, he began to hum softly. It wasn’t a familiar tune to Aaarrrgghh, but it was a soothing one—somehow putting him in mind of warm summer evenings, of a gentle breeze in the trees and a chorus of crickets in the grass. Blinky did his work well, his many hands moving deftly down Aaarrrgghh’s neck and over his shoulders. Sometimes the humming would be interrupted by a muttered curse as Blinky discovered a mat of fur he couldn’t brush through, but even that was strangely relaxing.

Eventually, Aaarrrgghh became aware of a steady rumbling sound, and was surprised to realize that he was the source of it. He shifted subtly so one of his hands was under his chest, and marveled at the vibrations coming from deep within. “What-” he began, and the rumbling stopped.

“You have a wonderful purr,” Blinky remarked as he carefully freed a tangled twig. “Though a little rusty, it seems.”

“Didn’t know I could do that,” Aaarrrgghh mumbled, fighting the childish urge to hide his face in embarrassment.

Blinky’s hands stilled for a moment before continuing their task. He didn’t speak or hum, or make any sound at all for a little while. At last, he murmured, “Thank you.”

Aaarrrgghh wanted to look at Blinky, but that would require turning his head and upsetting the amiable peace they’d formed together. “What for?”

“Letting me help you with this,” Blinky replied. “For… letting me in at all.”

At first, Aaarrrgghh wasn’t really sure how to respond. He just let Blinky’s hands run through his fur, clearing away decades of neglect. “I trust you,” he finally replied.

Blinky let out a small chuckle. “It wasn’t so long ago that you hated me.”

True. Aaarrrgghh could still remember it with crystal clarity, how all his resentment at being captured by a bunch of gravel miners had channeled directly towards the one who was tasked with keeping an eye on him. “And you were scared of me,” he said. He remembered, too, Blinky’s concerned hand on his back, so soon after being so worried for his own wellbeing. Before that touch, physical contact had always been something to dread.

“What a start, eh?” Blinky said, and then the playfulness in his voice faded to weariness. “What a pair we are.” His hands slowed, and he took a shuddering breath before speaking again. “I’m going to have to climb on your back to reach some spots. Is that okay?”

Aaarrrgghh wished he knew what Blinky was thinking about, to sound so tired. He wondered if he was allowed to ask. “Yeah,” he said.

With a small grunt of effort, Blinky hoisted himself up Aaarrrgghh’s side and onto his broad back. It wasn’t long before Blinky was humming again as he worked, a new song that was just as relaxing as the last. He was small enough that his weight didn’t make Aaarrrgghh feel pinned or trapped, and so the big troll’s eyes slowly slipped shut as he began to purr again.

Aaarrrgghh must have drifted off at some point, because it felt like mere moments later that he was roused by two hands patting his arm. He blinked his eyes open to see Blinky standing before him, smiling.

“I hate to disturb you when you look so comfortable, but I have to get your front now,” Blinky said.

Aaarrrgghh made a rumbling noise that he hoped was agreeable as he sat up, shaking off the last shreds of drowsiness. Blinky stepped forward and got back to work, and Aaarrrgghh’s attention wandered around the cramped dwelling. There were tufts of fur scattered on the floor about him, along with twigs and some leaves. He was surprised to see a few bone fragments as well—while Gumm-Gumm cleanliness standards were lower than those of other trolls, they drew the line at leaving the remains of prey in one’s fur. Blood and gore left to fester could bring disease with it, and the stench could drive game away or reveal your position to an enemy.

Perhaps it wasn’t so surprising, though. No one had ever helped Aaarrrgghh clean himself up, and as Blinky had said, there were places he couldn’t reach.

His gaze slid back to Blinky. The smaller troll was lost in his mission, brow furrowed in concentration as his four hands worked through the mass of green fur. The tip of his tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth.

Aaarrrgghh’s chest suddenly felt tight.

There must have been some telltale shift in his demeanor, because two of Blinky’s eyes looked upwards. “Are you quite alright?”

Aaarrrgghh didn’t know if those bones were animal or human. For so long, he’d never truly thought of them as two separate categories. In more recent years, he’d been noticing the differences, but hadn’t allowed himself to dwell too long on them. His throat worked a couple of times before he managed, “Still… scared of me?”

The other four eyes joined the first two, and Blinky flattened one of his palms against Aaarrrgghh’s chest. “No,” he said softly. “I’m not.”

For some reason, panic flooded through Aaarrrgghh at this answer. He knew it already, of course—Blinky wouldn’t be this close, wouldn’t be so relaxed if he was afraid. But, but- “You should be.”

“Why is that?” Blinky asked, corner of his mouth quirking up. “Are you going to hurt me?”

Aaarrrgghh’s nostrils flared. “I could.” It would be so easy. Blinky was full of openings and weak points, and he almost certainly hadn’t ever been in a proper fight before Killahead. He could barely hold off a few goblins. So why wasn’t he afraid of Aaarrrgghh?

Blinky sighed. “I know that,” he said. “But are you going to?”

Aaarrrgghh had never had a choice before. His purpose was to hurt others, and he was as much Gunmar’s weapon as the Decimaar Blade. But Gunmar was gone, and even before that, Aaarrrgghh had defected. He wasn’t a Gumm-Gumm anymore—he was just a troll taking up too much space in a home that hadn’t been designed for someone his size. He was a friend. “No,” he said.

Blinky smiled, warm enough to burn. “I know,” he said. “I trust you, too.”

Aaarrrgghh averted his gaze; looking in Blinky in the face right then felt akin to staring at the sun. He wanted to say, A week isn’t enough to know you can trust someone. A week is nothing. Trust is too precious to be given so easily. But would that make him a hypocrite? After all, he was the one who had admitted to trusting Blinky first.

That was different, though. Blinky couldn’t hurt him.

Well… not alone. But all it would take was one word from Blinky to turn the rest of Dwoza into a mob against Aaarrrgghh. His residence here was fragile, and Blinky was all that stood between Aaarrrgghh and life as a complete outcast. It was a terrifying thought. Here he was, living in a den of former enemies, and his sole guard was an undersized bookworm who brought a broom to a swordfight.

Worst of all, Aaarrrgghh didn’t think there was anyone better for the job. He trusted Blinky with his life—not just because he had no other choice, but because he knew Blinky would defend him. He’d already gotten proof of that, when Blinky had wasted precious time before an impending battle to free Aaarrrgghh from prison. Aaarrrgghh still didn’t really understand why, but no one had ever done anything like that for him before. Gunmar wouldn’t have even considered going out of his way to help, for all the centuries of loyalty Aaarrrgghh had provided him with.

“Thank you,” Aaarrrgghh said, his ears flattening in discomfort.

“Of course,” Blinky replied easily. He tugged the brush through Aaarrrgghh’s fur a few more times, then stepped back. “Well, we’re done this part. Would you like to move on?”

Right. Blinky had said something about springs. Aaarrrgghh nodded, and Blinky grinned. “Follow me, then!”

Aaarrrgghh trailed after Blinky as the smaller troll led him through the heart of Dwoza. The other trolls gave the pair a wide berth, and mutters dogged their heels through the caverns. Blinky’s expression remained pleasant and friendly as he rambled about the structures they passed—the history, the materials, the building techniques—but his ears occasionally twitched in the direction of the whispers. As they went deeper into the caves, the number of trolls dwindled.

“Does it bother you?” Aaarrrgghh asked when there was finally no one else around.

Blinky paused in the middle of explaining how this particular tunnel below Dwoza had been discovered. “Does what bother me?”

“What others say,” Aaarrrgghh said.

“Ah,” Blinky said, then let out a brief chuckle. “No. To be frank, I’ve never been especially popular here. They all think I’m… a bit odd, to put it mildly.”

Aaarrrgghh frowned.

“Not that I mind,” Blinky added with a shrug. “I am odd. And why should I care if they think ill of me for it? I’ve always had Dictatious. I-” He stopped walking so abruptly that he skidded on the gravel underfoot, and Aaarrrgghh grabbed him by the shoulders before he could fall.

This was the first time Blinky had said his brother’s name since the immediate aftermath of Killahead, seeming to do his best to avoid the subject of Dictatious entirely. Blinky looked shaken by the slip, both literal and metaphorical. “I never needed anyone else,” he finished vacantly.

Aaarrrgghh wanted to say something about how Blinky had him now, but the words caught in his throat. It wasn’t the same. They’d only known each other for a couple of weeks, and for half that time they’d been on opposite sides. He couldn’t replace a beloved brother, and he didn’t want to. He just… wanted Blinky to feel better.

Remembering how it had seemed to work before, Aaarrrgghh moved one of his hands and gently patted Blinky on the head. It was a clumsy and awkward gesture, speaking to centuries of inexperience in dealing with the more fragile emotions, but the tension drained from Blinky’s frame. His expression softened, and he put his hand over the one Aaarrrgghh had left on his shoulder. “Ah, forgive me,” Blinky said, giving Aaarrrgghh a rueful look. “I’m supposed to be assisting you today.”

“We help each other,” Aaarrrgghh replied. “Alone together.”

Blinky scrubbed at his face, then smiled weakly. “Quite right,” he said. “Though I find myself feeling less and less alone, the more we spend time with each other.”

“Me too.” Reluctantly, Aaarrrgghh let his hand slide off Blinky’s shoulder.

The loss of contact seemed to snap Blinky out of his thoughts, and he cleared his throat. “It’s not much further now,” he said, beginning to walk again. “Should be just around this corner.”

Aaarrrgghh trundled after Blinky as he followed the curve of the tunnel. Sure enough, after the bend, the tunnel opened up into a wide cavern. The floor was dotted with milky pools, many of which fed into each other. Steam rose from them, either venting through a few shafts in the ceiling or condensing against the vaulted rock, dripping back down along stalactites mirrored by stalagmites. It was a stunning view.

“Wow,” Aaarrrgghh said, at a loss for any other words.

“The springs!” Blinky announced grandly, spreading his arms out in presentation. “Fed by a water system much further below us and heated by magma, they’re full of minerals that are quite healthy for our living stone. And, due to the influence of our local Heartstone, they have some minor healing properties as well! Mainly, though, they make for an exceedingly relaxing soak.” He gestured towards the pools. “Take your pick.”

Aaarrrgghh hesitated, then wandered over to one of the larger pools. Blinky stood beside him as he dipped a finger in to test the temperature. If he weren’t made of stone it would be scalding, but the heat felt good. Something in the water fizzled pleasantly against his skin, and he could feel the faint, familiar thrum of Heartstone energy.

“Ah, before you get in… it will probably take that paint off, or at least fade it,” Blinky said, twisting the fingers of his top set of hands together. “I assume you don’t mind, but… just in case?”

Aaarrrgghh traced his thumb down the side of his chin, where he knew a stripe of white paint was. “Want it gone,” he said. It was warrior’s paint, and he wasn’t a warrior anymore. He eased into the water, careful not to splash too much liquid over the edge. Sinking until he was sitting at the bottom, he leaned back against the side of the spring. The waterline reached halfway up his chest, and he watched the cloudy-white surface ripple hypnotically around him.

Blinky picked up a bucket lying on its side beside a nearby stalagmite and passed it through the spring to fill it. He stepped behind Aaarrrgghh. “I am going to douse you now,” he said, so seriously that Aaarrrgghh couldn’t help a huff of laughter. “I just didn’t want to take you by surprise,” Blinky added, a touch defensively but still in good humor, and upended the bucket over Aaarrrgghh’s head.

Aaarrrgghh snorted to keep the water out of his nose, then pushed his fur back from his forehead. Movement caught the corner of his eye, and he saw one of Blinky’s hands beside his face, offering a lump of something that looked like thick mud. “It’s clay,” Blinky explained. “I’m using it to wash your fur. If you could get your front while I get your back…?”

“Clay,” Aaarrrgghh echoed, accepting the handful.

“It’s a mixture of minerals, many of which are found in these very waters,” Blinky said, and Aaarrrgghh felt him begin to work some of the substance into his fur, starting at the top of Aaarrrgghh’s head. “Make sure you work it in to the roots. That’ll get your mane clean all the way through, and it’s good for your skin as well.” He began to ramble about the ingredients and their various benefits.

Aaarrrgghh only half-listened. He didn’t understand all the words Blinky used, but he got the gist of it. After a moment of contemplation, he smeared the clay across the fur on his chest and began to do as Blinky instructed. The clay had a grainy texture that was surprisingly nice, like it was scratching an itch he hadn’t even known was there. Since his own hands were much bigger and he had less area to cover, he finished claying up the front part of his mane before Blinky was past his shoulders.

By then, Blinky had run out of things to say about clay and moved on to explaining how the spring system worked, which involved even more words Aaarrrgghh didn’t know. It seemed more interesting than the clay—at least, Blinky certainly got more excited while talking about it. Aaarrrgghh was kind of disappointed he couldn’t understand it better, but he didn’t want to annoy Blinky by asking questions. Still, one eventually slipped out. “Aquifer?”

Immediately, he winced. He’d interrupted Blinky mid-sentence. Under Gunmar’s command, that alone would have been enough to send the warlord into a rage, never mind the unnecessary questioning.

But he’d braced himself for a punishment that wasn’t coming.

Blinky immediately lit up and dove into an explanation about how water moved underground, and Aaarrrgghh started to understand. Not just about the springs and such, but about Blinky and about this new life.

There were no scales to tip, no other shoe to drop. Blinky wasn’t Gunmar, wasn’t constantly searching for new and creative ways to flex his power over others. Things were good, without condition, and they could stay good.

A weight he hadn’t even realized he’d been carrying fell away from his shoulders, like an echo of the armor he’d left behind.

“Alright!” Blinky declared, patting Aaarrrgghh’s back. “Now, you can simply rinse off by submerging yourself in the water.”

Aaarrrgghh slid down until the water was at his chin, and he tilted his head back to look at Blinky.

The smaller troll was standing with his arms akimbo, the corner of his mouth quirked fondly upwards. “Enjoying yourself?” Blinky asked.

Humming an affirmative, Aaarrrgghh slid the rest of the way into the water. He swished around until the gritty, mucky feeling of the clay was gone, then resurfaced. Shaking his head free of excess water, he looked around and saw Blinky holding a rag and a brush that looked like the end of a broom. He gave Blinky a curious look.

“The paint,” Blinky said. “You said you wanted it gone?”

Aaarrrgghh nodded, so Blinky held out the rag to him. “Use this on your face. I’ll get your back.”

The cloth’s texture was coarse, just shy of true abrasiveness. Aaarrrgghh dipped it in the water and passed it over his face a few times, as Blinky scrubbed at his back. There were a couple of stripes on his chest as well, and he scoured them until only the faintest hint of white remained. It took Blinky considerably longer to finish Aaarrrgghh’s back, as that was where the majority of the paint was, but eventually he stepped back with a harrumph. “That should do it,” he said, cricking his neck.

Aaarrrgghh looked at him, and Blinky sighed.

“Here,” Blinky said, holding out his hand. “You missed some spots.”

“Sorry,” Aaarrrgghh replied, handing over the rag.

Blinky huffed. “No need to apologize,” he said. He gently took Aaarrrgghh’s face in his lower set of hands, guiding it towards him as he rubbed away the remaining paint.

Aaarrrgghh’s eyes closed. He really could get used to this. For a moment, it was a frightening thought—he was vulnerable, he was being weak—but then Blinky’s thumb brushed across his cheek. The gesture served no obvious purpose, but the soft scrape of Blinky’s stone against Aaarrrgghh’s was so deeply soothing that Aaarrrgghh couldn’t keep a content grumble from escaping his chest.

“There we go,” Blinky murmured, pulling the rag back but leaving his hands where they were. “Why, you look like a brand-new troll.”

“Good?” Aaarrrgghh asked.

Blinky patted the sides of Aaarrrgghh’s face. “Very good,” he said before withdrawing.

Feeling boneless, Aaarrrgghh sank back into the spring, letting out a long, low hum.

“I take it you’d like to soak a little longer,” Blinky said, and Aaarrrgghh could hear the smile in his voice. Aaarrrgghh just grunted an affirmative. “Mind if I join you?”

In lieu of a verbal response, Aaarrrgghh shifted his position so there would be room for both of them. Blinky undid his suspenders and stepped out of his trousers, taking a moment to fold them neatly by the spring before sliding into the water. He settled opposite Aaarrrgghh, rolling his shoulders with a sigh of satisfaction.

Aaarrrgghh wasn’t sure how he’d gotten so lucky, wasn’t even entirely sure he deserved it. Still, he wasn’t going to question it. Because for the first time in his life, he began to feel like he could truly believe in a happy future. It was a tentative spark of hope, one he wasn’t really familiar with—and so he tested it.

“Blinky?” he rumbled.

“Yes, Aaarrrgghh?”

“We’re going to be okay.”

Blinky lifted his head from where he’d been resting it against the edge of the spring, giving Aaarrrgghh a soft, searching look. “Yes,” he said after a moment, and Aaarrrgghh could see the same spark in his eyes. “We are.”