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When, after much insistence on Ian's part, Trevor agreed to resume the relationship, Ian thought his life was on track again. After all, his medications were up to date, with no bouts of insomnia, hypersexuality, hallucinations, or episodes of depression and / or obsession. He had his family by his side, as much as they could be being the way they all are, but he was used to it, anyway.
Even Monica's death didn't hurt so much anymore, his mother was like a hurricane that appeared sporadically and fucked with the lives of himself and his siblings but she was still his mother, above all the shit - and pain- that she ever caused. And Fiona would never accept, but Monica was the only one who understood him, in her one ways.
He had a stable and healthy relationship, of course, as much as a bipolar boy from the south side of Chicago who almost runed out of the country with his recently out of jail ex boyfriend with five complicated siblings and a transsexual who takes care of a LGBTQ youth support home can be stable together. And maybe Ian didn't love Trevor, but he liked the boy, for sure. He could learn to love him
It was just a matter of time; of waiting.
He just needed to get over Mickey. And he would. One day. But he wouldn't talk about it with Trevor. Mickey is a forbidden name, obviously. Ian doesn't blame Trevor for hating Mickey, even though he doesn't like it.
Ian is the one who had lied and betrayed, Mickey was not to blame. It is not Mickey who owes Trevor his fidelity and trust, Ian is the boyfriend who cheated. Mickey is just the guy who tried to regain an old love, he didn't force Ian to go after him, Mickey just gave the location. Ian went there willingly (even tho he was kind off kidnaped at first).
Mickey, even after Ian no longer visited him in jail (where he was for a crime he committed to avenge Ian), told him where he was hiding. Ian could have just handed Mickey over to the police, but he didn't. Mickey knew he wouldn't.
They had history, above all.
They had been together since Ian was fifteen, after all. Mickey had already been shot twice because of Ian! They've been through too much together for Ian get over him so soon.
Ian knew that if he told Mandy that he let Mickey go alone she would hit him, call him an idiot and tell him to create balls and accuse Trevor of being more of a man than he was. Which would be kind of prejudiced and ignorant, but, hey, in comparison with the rest of the people in his neighborhood and take into account the factor that she was (unfortunately) raised by Terry Milkovich, she was not even that much prejudiced. A fish cannot be expected to fly, after all.
Ian felt stupid for leaving Mickey at times. Whenever he closes his eyes he remembers the pain in his blue eyes when Mickey realized that Ian was not going with him. Ian can't explain the pain he felt when Mickey pulled away from his touch. Ian didn't lie when he said those three words to him. Ian has always loved and will always love Mikhailo Aleksandr Milkovich. From the first time, when they just had sex and Mickey refused to kiss. Since the time when Mickey was just a piece of shit on the south side that locked himself in the closet for fear of his homophobic and abusive father. Since when Mickey broke into Kash's shop shouting for Ian Gallagher to teach the boy not to mess with a Milkovich.
Ian might have not think so at the time, but today he thanks Mandy for making up that Ian messed with her. He would never have gotten involved with Mickey if it weren't for that.
God, he misses Mickey so much.
And when he wakes up that night with the feeling of sand on his body, the smell of the sea, the taste of cigarettes and the memory of blue eyes he feels sad when he realizes that he is in his room, in his bed, hugging the wrong boy; he really wants to cry.
And when he gets up in the middle of the night with the thought that he wants to see Yevgeny again and proceeds to the Milkovich home as if to find Mickey and Svetlana taking care of his son there, he thinks for a few seconds that it might be time to see the doctor again. But he doesn't care. He doesn't care about his medications that are probably out of order, Mickey isn't here to make him look after himself, so he won't.
Ian would never again take Fiona's advice.