Work Text:
There was a picture of a man on her phone.
Facebook: On this day 3 years ago...
Mon-El was smiling, his face beardless, unlike the last time she’d seen him. He had his arm around her and her head was pushed right beside his. She was smiling, too.
Arms encircled her waist. Kara startled, fumbling with her phone. Facebook disappeared into the multitude of app icons on her home screen.
“Sorry,” William said with a laugh. “I meant to give you a pleasant surprise, not scare the living daylights out of you.”
Kara smiled tightly. “It’s fine,” she told him quickly, turning in his arms and giving him a quick peck on the lips. “I guess I just didn’t hear you come in.”
The smile stayed on his face, but William’s eyebrows quirked. “Couldn’t help but catch that picture,” he mentioned casually, nodding down at her phone. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without bangs before.”
“Huh.” Kara thought about that for a moment. “Yeah, I guess I got my hair cut before you came to National City.” She gave him a playful shove, just barely catching herself to make sure it wasn’t too hard and didn’t accidentally send him through a wall. “Come on, you didn’t Facebook stalk me even once?”
William grinned. “Why Facebook stalk you when I could real life stalk you?” he joked.
“Very funny,” Kara huffed, shaking her head at him. She put her phone in her pocket, made a big show of glancing at the clock on the wall. Usually she loved sharing a research space with William, but now she just wanted to beeline to her desk and be alone for a little bit. “Alright, I should-”
“Was that Mon-El?”
His question made Kara draw abruptly short. She kept facing away from William, swallowing repeatedly to try and get her throat a little less dry. “Umm...”
“Brainy mentioned his name once,” William explained quickly. “And I asked who he was.”
Ever since Brainy had stopped working with Lex Luthor, he and William had been hanging out more. For William, it was the sort of guy-to-guy relationship he hadn’t had since Russel. For Brainy... well, apparently he just had a thing for Kara’s suitors (AKA Winn) and boyfriends (AKA Mon-El and, now, William).
“Kara?” William said after a long moment had passed and Kara still hadn’t moved, breathed, or spoken.
“Yeah,” she replied in a rush. “Yeah, that was Mon-El.” Then she power-walked out of the room.
W / T \ Y
That picture had been the catalyst for all of Kara’s memories. They swarmed her while she was sleeping, working, day dreaming, training. Everything, everywhere, suddenly reminded her of Mon-El. The room at the DEO where he had taught her cape tricks. The desk at CatCo when she’d tried to teach him how to have a normal job. Her dining table, where he’d tried to shove an entire stack of pancakes in his mouth at once. Her couch, where they’d ended up that night after their first official kiss.
It was terrible. Kara felt like she was cheating on William and she hated it but, for whatever reason, she couldn’t seem to get it to stop.
William had to have noticed something was off. She turned him down for a movie night the day after the picture escapade, and she was acting strained and distant. She was acting as if she were reluctant to be with him.
In truth... she was. Kara was terrified that if she spent time with William while her brain was still so all-consumed with Mon-El, she would start comparing them. Lining up their traits, their lines, their expressions of romance. The way they made her feel.
She was terrified that William wouldn’t measure up. He was an amazing guy, sure, one of the best she’d ever known. But she had thought Mon-El was it. She had thought they were made for each other. How could someone come after that?
And why was she only doubting this now?
After turning down another date offer from William, he finally confronted her about it. “Kara... if I’ve done something, I-”
“You haven’t,” Kara cut in, already trying to turn away. It had been almost three full days now and all she wanted were for things to go back to the way they had been before she’d seen that stupid picture. “I promise, William, you haven’t done a single thing.”
“Are you-” His voice cracked, and Kara froze halfway through pulling away from him. She turned and saw him staring at the ceiling, breathing slowly through his nose. “I realize I may sound like a child to ask this, Kara, but.. are you breaking up with me? If you are it’s- it’s alright, I just... I just want you to be happy, Kara, no matter what that means for us.”
“No,” Kara gasped, and he looked down at her again, his eyes bright. “Rao, no, William, I-”
One of their coworkers slid past them, and Kara suddenly remembered that they were standing right outside of the elevators, in view of half of CatCo. “Why don’t you come over tonight?” she suggested after a second of consideration. “I... have some things I want to talk to you about.”
“Of course,” William agreed immediately. “Is 6:30 alright?”
Kara nodded, trying for a reassuring smile as he turned and headed away from her.
But whether it was William or her who needed that reassurance, Kara didn’t know.
W / T \ Y
Kara found herself wishing that she had gotten William to come earlier. She got home from CatCo at 5:15 and wasn’t able to sit still for the next hour and quarter, moving from one room of her house to another, unable to settle on a book or a tv show or any other distraction. She considered going flying but didn’t want to lose track of time or get pulled away by some minor robbery that the police would be able to handle.
Besides, William knew she fought crime when she was anxious, and she didn’t want him to know that she was anxious.
Finally, 6:30 rolled around. Kara super-sped to the door and pulled it open.
“I brought potstickers,” William said, smiling weakly as he held up the takeout bag. “I figure that, if you are planning on breaking up with me tonight, maybe I can bribe you into changing your mind.”
Kara breathed a laugh and took the food. “Thank you,” she told him, even though her stomach was in way too many knots to consider putting anything in it. “I’m not breaking up with you, though, I promise. There’s just some things that we- that I, really- need to talk through, and I think that it’d be easier with you by my side.”
William nodded seriously, taking off his shoes and coat and following her into her loft.
They settled on the couch with the potstickers, neither of them moving to eat anything. “So, um...” Kara shifted a little and swallowed. Her throat was getting all dry again. Maybe she should have thought to grab some glasses of wine?
It was too late now. She plunged on.
“So, as you may have guessed, this has to do with that, um... with that picture you saw a couple days ago,” she began. “Of... of Mon-El.”
William’s eyebrows furrowed a little. “Alright,” he replied uncertainly.
“I- I don’t know how much Brainy told you,” Kara went on. “About Mon-El, I mean. I’m sure he mentioned that he was- is- a Legionnaire in the 31st Century but, before he was that... he was a member of the Superfriends. One of the earliest, actually. I met him in my second year of heroing, after his pod crashed on Earth.”
“His... pod?” William repeated, eyebrows raising.
“Yeah.” Kara laughed a little, realizing how that would sound to an outsider. “He crashed here in a pod like I did, but he was from Daxam, a neighboring planet to Krypton. We, um... we didn’t totally get off on the right foot but, eventually...”
“You fell in love,” William finished. He nodded, his gaze falling downwards.
“Yeah,” Kara repeated. She wasn’t sure whether this was supposed to feel touching or awkward, but couldn’t quite scrounge up enough energy for either of them. “We fell in love. But things... happened, and he had to leave Earth. He ended up in the 31st Century, where he met Brainy. And... Irma.”
“Irma?” William looked up again, confused. “Who’s Irma?”
“His...” Kara’s throat closed around the next word. “His wife.”
William’s eyes widened.
“He didn’t think he could ever get back to me,” Kara explained. “So he moved on. He married Irma, and years passed for him. And then... he made it back here, unexpectedly. It was only a few months for me but it had been a long time for him. I was still heartbroken and he was, well... married.”
Kara paused, trying to figure out how much to say. “Things got pretty complicated in the end,” she landed on finally. “We tried to regain what we’d had but... he ended up going back to the future, and... that was it for us. And it was... it was okay, you know? I’d finally gotten closure for losing him so suddenly. I could finally move on. And it took awhile but I... I did move on.”
She reached out and laid a hand on top of his. William gazed at her, his expression unreadable. “But now you’re thinking that you didn’t move on?”
“At first... yes,” Kara told him candidly. “You have to understand: he meant so much to me. And he taught me a lot about being in love. Or... I thought he had. Until I met you.”
“Me?” William repeated, eyebrows raising.
“Yeah.” Kara smiled at him, gave his hand a squeeze. “Mon-El and I... we loved each other, but we hurt each other.” She cut off his reactionary mouth-open and quickly elaborated. “Not physically, unless we were, like, training or something. We never- no. No. But we hurt each other emotionally. Every couple fights and doesn’t see eye-to-eye, but... we hurt each others hearts, whether intentionally or not. And for the longest time, I thought that that was what love was: the euphoric and heartbreaking cycle of hurt and healing, over and over.
‘But now that I have... this,” she gestured between their chests, “I know that that’s not what love is supposed to be. Because I.... love you, William Dey, and you’ve showed me that I can experience that love without the hurt. The truth is... I don’t deserve you. I mean, you do a Google Search for “perfect boyfriend material” and go to images, and it’s all pictures of you.”
William laughed. “Well, I don’t know about that...”
“I do,” Kara said firmly. “Which is why I- I realize now that I was never worried that you wouldn’t measure up to Mon-El. I was worried that I would find I don’t deserve you.”
“Kara, no...” William replied, his eyebrows pulling together so tight it looked painful. He lifted up one of her hands and pressed it to his lips. “You deserve the world and the stars and the sun and the moon and a whole lot more than that. You deserve the perfect boyfriend, and whether that’s me or not I- I don’t know. But I meant what I said this morning: I just want you to be happy. I want you to be filled with real love that won’t ever try to hurt you. And, yes, I want it to be me who can give all that to you, but I guess I’m just a selfish person like that.”
“You’re not selfish,” Kara murmured. She leaned in, feeling like there was some magnetic force drawing him to her, and kissed him slowly. William raised his hands to her head, gently tugging out the scrunchie keeping her ponytail in place and then running his fingers through her hair as it fell down her back.
“Kara,” he whispered, pulling back just enough to get the words out. “Kara. I love you.”
Kara wound her arms around his neck, kissing him again. “I love you,” she echoed, sealing it with another kiss.
This was good. This was better than good. This was the kind of moment that wiped any memories of that first real kiss with Mon-El straight out of her head. This was the kind of moment that reminded her that love should make you feel warm and comforted, not like your heart was being brutally cut out of your chest, vein by vein.
This was love without hurt. This was what Kara wanted.
William was what Kara wanted.