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Published:
2020-10-06
Updated:
2020-10-19
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1,809
Chapters:
4/?
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Alexander Hamilton is a God. No cap. [BEING REWRITTEN]

Summary:

In which Alex makes a group chat with all their friends, and it does not go to plan.
Featuring Mom Friend Herc, Concerned Burr, and literal god of chaos Alexander "No sleep" Hamilton.

Notes:

Chapter 1: In which Alex makes the chat

Chapter Text

                                                                                                        [A.ham has added 12 people to this group chat.]

(6:34pm)

  

J.laurens: Wh- The HEK is this?! WHO IS YOU?!

G.laf: Merde. i think this is the group chat Mon Petit Leon was speaking of in 6th period with me

T.jeff: oh god i'll need Mac'n'cheese after this

A.ham: Everyone, shut up. Let me speak, you peasants.

T.jeff: u speak all da time tho

A.ham: I will liquidize your kneecaps, watch yourself Thomas fucking Jefferson. I know your address. :)

G.wash: can y'all shut the FUCK up? 

G.laf: ....

[G.laf has changed their name to Oui]

[G.laf has changed T.jeff's name to Thomas the dank engine]

[G.laf has changed J.laurens's name to VSCO boi]

Oui: Alex, Mr. Washington. You guys can name yourself mon ami

Thomas the dank engine: I hate you baguette

Oui: I know

[G.wash has changed their name to God]

[G.wash has changed A.ham's name to Tiny Jesus]

Tiny Jesus: ...

God: ...

VSCO boi: I am very uncomfortable, with the energy we have created in the studio today.

Oui: Mr. Washington, mon cher, was the "Tiny" nessesary?

God: :)

Tiny Jesus: I'm telling Mom.

God: OH GOD NO-

[Tiny Jesus is offline]

[God is offline]

[P.schuyler is online]

[P.schuyler has changed their name to And Peggy]

And Peggy: owo what's dis?

Oui: A group chat, that is already chaos because our homeroom teacher is a savage.

And Peggy: Understood. Have a nice day.

[And Peggy is offline]

[H.mul is online]

H.mul: @A.burr Alexander hasn't slept in 4 days and walked into the wall 5 mins ago.

A.burr: ...

A.burr: Get the Ham4Ham squad, we have a mission.

[Tiny Jesus is online.]

Tiny Jesus: Wait no I don't need sle2esiu2dyvfb&ksdjhg4f$4bsdufbg

Thomas the dank engine: Oh my fucking god, he fucking dead

 

(9:20am)

 

A.burr: Who gave Alex coffee?! HE MIXED RED BULL IN HIS CEREAL-

Oui: Imma just...

[Oui has changed A.burr 's name to  Mom]

[Oui has changed H.mul's name to Dad]

(2:34pm)

 

Oui: video.mp4 [The video starts with Alex, taped to the ceiling with ductape. Aaron is sitting on at his desk, along with Herc, John, Thomas, and James. Aaron is trying not to laugh, while Thomas has a blank face. Mr. Washington is staring at Alex's empty desk with confusion, likely wondering why he wasn't there. Peggy looks up, and holds back her laughter. "Has anyone seen Alexander?" Aaron shakes his head, looking up at Alex, tears in his eyes. Thomas stands up with a paper and pen. "I offer this sacrifice to the almighty Alexander J. Hamilton. Please bless us with your presence." At that exact moment, Alex frees himself from the tape and falls from the ceiling, Thomas immediately catching him. Everyone aware of where Alex was suddenly shout "OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!!"  The video ends. ]

Mom:  I'm just glad that Thomas caught him 

Dad:  If Thomas didn't catch my kid, I would have broke my foot off in his ass

Thomas the dank engine: You realize that he is so short that PEGGY can carry him? Of course I would've caught him!

Chapter 2: Alex Protection Squad™

Summary:

Chaos ensures.

Name key:
Alexander Hamilton >> Tiny Jesus
John Laurens >> VSCO boi
Gilbert de Lafayette >> Oui
George Washington >> God
Aaron Burr >> Mom
Hercules Mulligan >> Dad
Thomas Jefferson >> Thomas the Dank engine
Peggy Schuyler >> And Peggy
Eliza Schuyler >> Lizard
Angelica Schuyler >> Satisfied
Maria Reynolds >> SayNo
Samuel Seabury >> HearYee
James Madison >> CoughDrop

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

[M.rey  is online]

(6:59AM)

 

M.rey: Aight, so Lee just told Alex that he's a Creole bastard, and now me and Eliza can't get him out of the bathroom.

 

[Everyone is online]

Mom: Where is my baby?!

Thomas the Dank engine: ham4ham squad, assemble it is time to shank someone

Oui:  D'accord, il est temps de commettre incendie criminel chez Lee. Oui?

Thomas the Dank engine: Oui :)

Mom: I don't speak French, but I'm in.

[M.rey has changed their name to SayNo]

 

SayNo: So, Seabury realized that Creole bastard is an insult, and socked Lee in the face. He is now comforting Alex. Can I add him to the group chat?

Oui: Anyone that helps Mon petit leon is welcome here.

[SayNo  has added HearYee to the chat]

HearYee: s c r e a m i n g  i n s i d e -

J.mads: Ditto.

[J.mads  has changed their name to CoughDrop]

CoughDrop: All lurkers, say here.

Lizard: Here

Satisfied: Here 

VCSO boi: Here

God: Here

Dad: Here

[Tiny Jesus has changed their name to Bromosexual]

Bromosexual: :)

Oui: ...

Oui: Hah.

[Bromosexual  is offline]

(7:37AM)

 

Oui: Who has the damn braincells? Alex needs them back. He is SO fucking tired, that he thought Thomas was me, so he WALTZED over them, sat on him, and then asked why he has his hair down, AND YOU KNOW WHAT T.J. DID?! HE PUT HIS HAIR UP AND APOLOGIZED IN FRENCH. AND ALEX BOUGHT IT, SO NOW T.J. IS STUCK UNDER A TIRED HAMMY BB!

Mom: Aaron Burr >> Braincells >> George Washington

God: wh- wait. That's illegal. 

God: George Washington >> Braincells >> Gilbert de Lafayette 

Oui: Merde, this is gonna be a LONG ASS day.

CoughDrop: It's better than giving them to T.J. Or John for that matter. Just don't give them to the tall people. Except Herc. Laf give them to Herc. 

Oui: Gilbert de Lafayette >> Braincells >> Hercules Mulligan

Dad: That's fair.

God: YoU gUyS aRe lAtE tO mY cLaSs i WiLl bEaT yOuR aSs :)

CoughDrop: SCATTER!!

[Everyone   is offline]

Notes:

Translation:
*D'accord, il est temps de commettre un incendie criminel chez Lee.
Alright, it's time to commit arson at Lee's house. (I think, I'm still learning. I tried my best :)

Chapter 3: Hammy, no.

Summary:

Wow- I'm on my phone, so I added this lil chapter to show how they are in rela life (outside of the chat)

Notes:

Ill get the chta thing back ssoonnn

Chapter Text

          Alexander inhaled raggedly as he stood up from his desk. His fa- Foster Father said that today, some of his friends will be coming over for dinner, which Alex didn't mind, might he add! It's just that Lin's friends are sort of... out of sorts? Don't get him wrong, he loves Daveed with all of his being, and he knows Daveed it somewhat fond of him, it's just that .. Daveed and Anthony always shower him with gifts and praise, (which totally didn't make him cry the first time). Oh whom is he kidding, his heart melts around Daveed. His uncle was just, the BEST. His rapping is amazing, and he was just so nice to Alex when they first met. As Alexander was walking home, promptly ignoring the debate happening in his group chat, his phone rang. He takes it out of his pocket and reads the Caller ID. 'Uncle Daveed ' it reads, so the tired boy answers the phone. "Yes, Uncle Daveed?" answered the boy, taking a right turn on Mercer Lane. There was shuffling on the other side, then came his uncle's recognizable voice. "Hey Lexi. How was your day kid?" Daveed asked his nephew, lounging on a chair in Lin's living room as Anthony and Leslie openly bantered. A giggle escaped Alex's throat as he hears his godfather fighting with his other uncle. "What did Uncle Anthony say this time? Something about cheese, I presume?" Alex lightly asked, and all but snorts  when he hears his fath- Lin shouting for everyone to 'Shut the McFuck up, I'm eating a McFlurry!' He heard Oak's shout of 'Watch your Language Lin!' Alex sighs heavily, and this caught Daveed's attention. "What's up kid? You don't sound to happy right now." Happy? Was Alexander upset? He doesn't feel upset. How is he even feeling after what Charles said to him today? He recalls the event languidly. 'Y'know creole, you should just give up while you can. Maybe take a swan dive off the roof of the West Win-' He remembers that Aaron had beat the shit out of Lee today, but he also remembers walking to the West Wing only to stare over the ledge for over an hour, missing his Mathematics class and 15 minutes of his Language Arts Honors class. Alex didn't realize he was still on the phone, or that he was crying until a sharp inhale broke his lips. Daveed's concerned voice rang through the line. "Alexander, what's wrong kiddo?" That was the ice breaker, because at that moment, Alex began to spill everything from Charles Lee's bullying, to how he was on the roof, to his self-harming tendencies, to his life on the system, all the way back to his childhood in Nevis. What Alexander didn't know, was that his uncle had him on speaker now, and everyone was listening intently. While some were just plain concerned, some were livid to the point of red edging their vision. (*cough cough* Lin and Daveed *cough cough*) Alex finished his venting with a "I really am broken!" before hanging up, bursting through the front door in tears. Oak and Leslie stood up immediately, Alexander barreling into Oak's arms, sobbing his eyes out. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry-" He stammered before Lin walked to him. "Mijo, my light, none of that it true tresoro. You are so much more than that, and you know it! Kid, you're 16 and you're going to college next year! That is so, SO much better than what Lee can do baby. Trust me, okay mijo?" Lin reassured his son, rubbing up his back soothingly. Daveed and Leslie nodded, Oak deciding to add, "You are so smart kid. When I tried to get into Columbia, I failed like, 3 times. Lex, you passed with full credits the first time! You know we love you." Anthony stood, smiling. "I think, that it's time for your surprise. Me and Jazzy have been panning this for a while, and i think now is a great time to bring it up." Anthony nodded at Lin and Daveed, and Daveed snickers. "Now I'm worried." kidded Alexander. Leslie grbas Alexander by the waist and carries him on his back to the backyard, where there were tables set up with native fruits from the Caribbean such as Breadfruit, Guinep,  Kwachimelon, and Noni. On another table, there are Oakcakes. Cranachan, Blackcakes, Golden Fruit pies, and Johnny cakes. Alex turns to another table, there is Bay Leaf tea, Horchata, and Caribbean style Lemonade. The decorations were beautiful too, while bright, festive colors such as Turquoise, Green, Yellow, Orange, and Pink. Indo-Caribbean music playing proudly, Alex recognizes the music immediately. "Y-You.." Leslie places Alexander down gently, watching as he tackles Anthony into a hug. "THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!" Alex began dragging Lin and Daveed to different tables, pointing different fruits and desserts. Oak walked up beside Leslie, who was watching with happy tears in his eyes. "You okay Les?" Oak asked concerned. "H-He's never been so happy!" Leslie happily exclaimed, watching and Alex teaches Lin, Daveed, and Anthony how to Calypso. (A dance similar to the Salsa and the Mamba.) "God.. I love this kid so much. So, fucking, much." 

Chapter 4: Charles Lee gets redeemed. I promise. :)

Summary:

:p

Chapter Text

I'll be making an A.B.O fanfiction, but with a twist ;) Tell me some ships, and I'll except all rarepairs. I will not write Abusive Jamilton/Jamilmads because fuck that, and I will not write Lams. Too overrated for my liking.

Notes: Everyone in this fic are like family, moreover, they are a pack.