Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

A/N: I embedded links for music for some scenes. Most of them will be just instrumentals since I know some people (me included) can’t concentrate on the story if there's someone singing. You can read on without the music of course, but I’d still advise to turn it on because it makes the atmosphere of the scenes way more intense, especially for the creepy ones. You’ll probably have to loop the songs since the scenes might take longer to read than just 3-4 minutes.  

🎵 Butterflies- Tony Anderson (piano sonata)

It was cold. So cold.

He felt every single muscle in his body tense up, the veins under his skin thinning out as the tips of his fingers went numb and stiff.

The water encased him from all sides, a freezing mess moving his body around like a dry leaf in a torrential river. Out here, in the depths, he was nothing but a mortal body, a marionette to be swayed by the current. He felt boneless as he was floating and just for a moment, it was almost nice to feel the absence of gravity, the weightlessness of every cell in his flesh. There were no sounds around him, everything being swallowed up by the darkness that hugged his body in a deadly, tight grip. He felt safe in the most absurd way, like nothing could harm him as he was floating, as everything seemed too far away to really mean anything anymore, to really matter. The water was gentle as the waves rocked his body in a silent lullaby, lulling him nearer to the soft sleep that was death.  

And then the panic came.

His eyes shot open and suddenly there were sounds. His heartbeat was pounding in his ears so loudly he feared his eardrums would burst and there were hands, prying hands gripping around his chest, fingers digging into his frozen skin as he was pulled upwards. There were long strands of seaweed clinging to his ankles, the water desperately trying to keep him in its company as he was ripped away from its cradling hold.

His lungs were stinging as if a thousand needles were piercing through the fragile flesh and suddenly, he realized that he was dying, his body temperature probably way too low already and he couldn’t breathe.

Fuck, he couldn’t breathe.

His hands were stiff and hurt as he curled his fingers around the strange hands gripping his jacket and he clawed at them, bubbles of his last bit of precious air escaping his blue tinted lips and joining those already on their way upwards.

He didn’t want to go, he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. They were still down there.

He screamed, his brain not comprehending anything in its oxygen deprived state. Everything was blurry and dull and his body was so stiff that every movement felt foreign like his limbs had been replaced by metal stubs. His whole chest ached, his ribcage felt like it was squeezed inside of his body, and he briefly thought that he was suffocating not because of his lungs being filled by the dirty sea water but because of the terror that was lurking under his skin, crawling in his bones.

He let out another cry, more water rushing inside of his mouth and filling up his lungs but he didn’t care at this point. He didn’t want to go back to the surface, it was good down here. Dark and freezing but gentle still. He was not alone like he would be as soon as he would breach the surface. He was floating now, drifting in and out of consciousness. Slowly but surely, the need to breathe got lesser and lesser and his eyes became droopy, wet eyelashes clinging to the skin of his cheeks as he let the water rush into his lungs, welcoming it into his body, becoming one with the sea.

Taehyung shot up with a gasp, his hand clutched over his heart where it pounded behind his rib cage. His throat hurt and his pajama shirt stuck to his skin with how much he had been sweating, dried tears melting into fresh ones that were streaming down his cheeks.

For a second, he was disoriented and terrified of the water in his lungs that wouldn’t allow any air into his lungs. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t-

His hand fumbled in the darkness until he found the light switch, the golden light of the small lamp on his nightstand illuminating the darkness of his small room. The shadows were moving, reaching for him. He gasped for breath, sitting up straighter as he stared with unfocused eyes into nothing, just waiting. Waiting for it to pass, for his heartbeat to steady itself and for the ghost of water in his lungs to fade back into the distance, into that space between dream and reality where everything was blurry and uncertain.

After what had felt like hours but had at most been five minutes, Taehyung could finally breathe properly again, his hands still shaking as he gripped his throat and felt his vein pulse under his clammy fingers. He let out a shaky breath, briefly closing his eyes but opening them again quickly when the images flashed before his inner eye over and over again.

Wiping the sweat off his forehead with the sleeve of his pajama shirt, Taehyung looked over to his clock on the nightstand, avoiding to look at the photo right beside it since he knew he couldn’t put up with looking at it now. In ten minutes, his alarm would’ve gone up anyways.

On shaky legs and clammy feet, he peeled himself out of the blanket and stumbled over to the bathroom. As he flipped the light switch on and stared at his reflection in the mirror, he let out a breath. There were dark circles under his eyes, prominent with their almost violet color. His eyelashes stuck together with dried tears and his skin was puffy from both sleep and crying. His plump lips were trembling slightly and his brown eyes stared back at him with terrifying emptiness. He wanted to peel the skin off his face.

Splashing cold water onto himself didn’t help much either since it reminded him of the way he had been floating in the icy water, freezing to death. He shuddered at the image of lifeless limbs in dirty sea water, an itch to get out of his sweaty pajamas scratching at his skin.

Taehyung stared at his naked body in the body length mirror for a whole minute, taking in the smooth skin, the bones protruding from underneath it. He had promised Jimin to eat more, yet he had failed at that again.  

The hot water of the shower washing away his sweat and the smooth feeling of the scented body lotion on his skin were a stark contrast to the coldness permanently encasing his form. It relaxed him slightly as Taehyung pulled out a baggy black hoodie and even baggier same colored pants that would not only keep him warm but would also serve to hide his body from unwanted stares. He put on the thickest socks he could find in the catacombs of his closet before rushing to throw an apple and a bottle of water into his backpack, the scarf he slung around his neck feeling soft and fuzzy.

Jimin seemed to be out already which didn’t surprise Taehyung since his best friend was way more organized than him and never too late. At least not when it came to important dates that didn’t involve his friends. Putting on his sneakers, he rushed out of the door, his mood already down when he thought about all the people he would have to meet in class today. It wasn’t even like they were rude or not likable, it was just that people in general made Taehyung feel uneasy, especially when he was cramped in one room with them for hours.

People were buzzing all over campus, rushing to their classes in sweatpants and with steaming hot coffees in their hands and Taehyung sniffled slightly, the biting air of early fall making his nose run already. He pulled his scarf tighter around his neck while casually contemplating if it would be a good idea to jump in front of the car speeding over the asphalt only meters away from him.

Staring down at his feet while walking and hoping to not make eye contact with anyone he knew, Taehyung proceeded to walk on. His mind still felt a bit fuzzy at the edges and was dragging behind him as he pushed the door to the building open carelessly and promptly planted his face in the warmth of somebody’s chest. Startled, he stumbled back slightly, wide eyes staring up at the boy he had run into.

“Oh God, sorry, I’m sorry, I-“, he scrambled to say, the other looking at him with a mildly surprised expression in his dark eyes. The intensity of his gaze immediately struck Taehyung as the kind that usually would make him feel uncomfortable. Too deep, too prying, too… aware. Yet there was a certain gentleness to it as well, a warmth that instantly seemed to melt away the awkwardness of the situation as a kind smile stretched his raspberry red lips.

“Shit happens”, the guy laughed with a shrug of his shoulders, his smile faltering as he seemed to realize how his words could be interpreted a second after they had left his mouth. “N-not that you’re shit, I mean you’re- uhm- “, he rushed to say, a nervous giggle interrupting his own sentence.

Taehyung couldn’t help but think that his smile was endearing.

“I get it, don’t worry”, Taehyung smiled, tightening his grip on his backpack before he averted his gaze again. He wasn’t good at keeping eye contact, had never been and probably would never be. The other seemed to notice and probably thought that Taehyung wanted to avoid him which technically wasn’t all that wrong. He just wanted to be left alone and not experience that one cliché scene from every coming of age movie ever produced.

“Ladies first”, the boy said jokingly, holding the door open for Taehyung who smiled at the other’s choice of words. He stepped around him and then he was through the door, the dry warm air inside of the building instantly making his muscles relax that had been tense from the cold air outside. After taking a few steps, Taehyung couldn’t help but look over his shoulder one last time, the boy still looking at him even though his eyes were slightly hidden by the long curls of his fluffy dark hair. Quickly, Taehyung turned around again, shaking his head slightly at himself and his clumsiness. Just because he had a bad day didn’t mean he could just carelessly run into other people like that.

Taehyung had barely been able to pay attention to what his professor had been talking about for the past few hours as his mind had been stuck in between reality and the blurry state of dream, more specifically the feeling of drowning that played over and over in his mind. Sometimes he had days where it went like this and Yoongi, his therapist, had told him once that they probably would never go away. He could teach him strategies, ways of getting through them, but he wouldn’t be able to erase them from Taehyung’s mind. Yoongi had told him this in their very first session and it had been those words of his that had made Taehyung realize that he liked Yoongi. He was honest and direct, didn’t like to sugarcoat things which you couldn’t say of many people.

Carrying his tray filled with all sorts of food through the cafeteria, Taehyung looked for the table where his group of friends usually sat during lunch and when he spotted them, Jimin was already waving him over enthusiastically. His best friend’s pink lips were wrapped around a sweet lollipop that was the same color as his peachy dyed hair and he pulled it out of his mouth to pluck it between Hoseok’s waiting lips. Taehyung fake-gagged at the image in staged disgust as he plumped down in the seat next to his best friend. People in love really could be disgusting.  

“Exactly”, Jin commented his action with his face pulled in a similar disgusted manner as he munched on his apple. The oldest of their group watched as Jimin grinned at them, knowing that it was all an act and that his friends were, in fact, really happy for him and Hoseok.

“You’re just jealous ‘cause you didn’t approach Namjoon-hyung yet”, Jimin lilted with a sugary voice, nearly as sweet as the lollipop between his lips.

“Excuse you? It’s not my fault that he’s so naïve to not realize that I’m attempting to flirt with him for weeks now”, Jin bickered, crossing his arms in front of his chest and letting out an overdramatic sigh. “I even sent him a pic of my fucking ass under the pretext of wanting to know if I should buy those jeans. You know what he answered? ‘I don’t like the belt’”

Everyone disrupted into laughter and Taehyung smiled slightly while his friends proceeded their wild chattering, picking up his fork to begin eating the salad on his tray. He could feel Jimin’s gaze on him but didn’t look up as he pierced a piece of cucumber with the fork, the vegetable definitely cut too thick for his liking.

“Are you okay?”, his best friend whispered as he leaned slightly towards him, his sugary perfume smelling so familiar that Taehyung felt himself relax slightly.

“Yeah”, he said, because he truly believed it despite the rather rough start into the week today. Overall, he was doing fine. He had great friends, he had his aunt supporting him, even financing his therapy sessions with Yoongi. He was studying Fine Art, fulfilling his dream of expressing himself in the most healing way. There was not much that was going wrong at the moment despite the usual struggles like fear of the uncertain future that probably all people his age had to face. It was just that sometimes, the darkness kept emerging from where he had buried it inside of himself and nearly made him suffocate as it crawled up his throat.

He felt Jimin’s small hand squeezing his thigh comfortingly as he smiled warmly at him. One look into his best friend’s brown eyes and he knew that Jimin knew what was going on and that he understood. Well, to the point he could with what Taehyung had told him about his past and his struggles with it.

“You know that when you want to talk, I’m always there”, he whispered, his voice barely audible over the loud chatter of people around them, including Jin and Hoseok that were probably further talking about Jin and Namjoon, as always.

Taehyung nodded, offering a small smile that probably looked as tight as it felt before he shoved the cucumber into his mouth, the loud crunch in his ears. Jimin’s eyes flitted to something behind his best friend and they grew slightly wide as they sparkled beautifully with joy. He lifted his small hand, waving someone over to them that Taehyung couldn’t see from how his seat was positioned. The movement made the delicate silver bracelets around his wrist jingle.

“Jeongguk, one seat’s empty!”, Jimin yelled and Taehyung smiled while rolling his eyes. His friend had always been a social butterfly and it was rather often that random people ate with them at lunch that Jimin had befriended just a day prior. When he turned his head, though, he nearly choked on the cucumber as his eyes fell on the tall handsome boy walking towards their table.

Dressed in black cargo pants and a gray sweater, his feet clad in thick black combat boots, Taehyung recognized him immediately. He had the same cute smile plastered onto his face as he plumped down on the seat next to Jin and opposite of Taehyung, his fluffy hair bouncing with his movement and getting caught in the silver chains dangling from his ears.

“Guys, this is Jeongguk, our local hot twink. Met him a week ago or so, he’s new in our dance class”, Jimin explained and Jin and Hoseok smiled at him rather unsurprised since it really wasn’t something new that Jimin had once again befriended someone. The boy, Jeongguk as Jimin had called him, gave a tiny wave at the people on their table, his brown eyes sparkling with a kind glint.

“Hi”, he said with that velvety voice and for some reason, something inside of Taehyung shifted at the sound and the sight in front of him. When Taehyung looked into the darkness of Jeongguk’s eyes, he felt himself being swept away from the suffocating depth of his mind that usually had him sinking deeper and deeper into despair whenever he was alone, sticky sweet like honey and unforgiving like quicksand. It was for the first time in months that Taehyung felt like a certain weight had been lifted from his chest like a dragonfly spreading its wings for the first time after escaping the dark confines of its cocoon, the rigid state of pupation.

It was weird because he didn’t even know Jeongguk, but yet the boy had a certain aura around himself that instantly made Taehyung relax.

Jeongguk’s eyes fell onto Taehyung and he blinked for a second, probably trying to piece together why he knew his face before recognition flitted through his gaze.

“Oh”, he exclaimed, smile deepening. “We already know each other… kind of.”

Jimin looked between them in confusion, making a questioning sound.

“I ran into him this morning”, Taehyung explained sheepishly, feeling a blush creep up on his cheeks as he averted his gaze from Jeongguk’s. God, why was he so socially awkward around people he didn’t know? “Sorry for that again, I was kinda tired.”

“Oh no, it’s okay”, Jeongguk grinned, picking up the plastic container with pieces of watermelon in it before opening the lid with a loud crackling sound. Only now did Taehyung notice the few small tattoos plastered over the back of his right hand and they seemed to wind their way up his arm as well. He couldn’t help but ask himself what they meant and what they would look like up close. Jeongguk’s dark eyes wandered over Taehyung’s features for a second longer than what was necessary and Jimin seemed to notice too as he slightly leaned back in his seat, trying hard to hold back a small grin which never worked because the boy was a walking ball of joy, just like his boyfriend.

“So you’re a dancer, Jeongguk?”, Hoseok wanted to know, clearly trying to do his job as Jimin’s boyfriend and socialize with his friends. Sometimes Taehyung wondered how gigantic Hoseok’s brain had to be that he remembered all the people Jimin dragged to their table each week.

Jeongguk picked up a piece of watermelon with his plastic fork and shoved it between his lips, chewing on it in a way that almost reminded Taehyung of a bunny, especially with the fact that the boy’s front teeth appeared to be a little larger than the rest.

“Yeah”, Jeongguk answered eventually, mouth not entirely empty yet. “As soon as I stepped a foot into the studio, Jimin was all over me”, he grinned and the table laughed in response as Jimin giggled with his lollipop between his lips again.

“Couldn’t help myself, you’re so cute”, Jimin confessed, shrugging his shoulders before gripping Hoseok’s hand on top of the table and interlacing their fingers. “I have a boyfriend, though. But some people on the table are still single if you know what I mean…”

Taehyung who was just in the process of wedging another oversized piece of cucumber between his teeth looked up as the table got silent. Jin’s, Hoseok’s and Jimin’s meaningful gazes were on him and when Jeongguk followed their eyes and looked at Taehyung too with that dark gaze of his, Taehyung felt his cheeks heat up. He quicky shoved the cucumber into his mouth, making a complaining whine in the back of his throat that was supposed to show his disapproval of his best friends’ tendency to embarrass him.

“My God, let the poor kid live in peace, Jimin”, Jin laughed and Jimin pouted in return.

“Not my fault that he’s not getting laid”, he shrugged and Taehyung let out a groan, the pink blush on his face deepening as he avoided looking at Jeongguk at all cost.

“Jimin”, he groaned, chewing on his cucumber with a frown on his face. He could feel Jeongguk’s eyes burn holes into his face and it made him even more flustered.

“Well, we could change that”, he smirked and Taehyung choked on the bits of cucumber in his mouth, coughing and nearly passing away while Jimin hit his back lightly.

“U-uhm”, Taehyung wheezed, the other’s brown eyes piercing through him with a mischievous glint. Taehyung hadn’t expected for the boy to be so forward despite them not even knowing each other and judging by the faces of the others on the table, they had neither.

“What’s your major?”, Jeongguk’s voice tore through the stunned silence and Taehyung needed a few seconds to get that Jeongguk was talking to him. Quickly gulping down his by now probably traumatized cucumber, he took another gulp of water before daring to look up.

Jeongguk’s dark eyes were focused on him attentively, long hair falling into his eyes and the silver chains around his neck shimmering in the light. He suddenly didn’t look that endearing anymore. Not unkind, just more… serious. It was kind of startling.

“Fine Arts”, Taehyung said curtly, still a little taken aback and flustered. He just wasn’t used to people being so open about being attracted to him. He observed how Jeongguk nodded with an unsurprised expression before pulling a small smile.

“Thought so with all the paint on your pants”, he grinned and Taehyung looked down on himself, realizing that he had forgotten to change out of his painting pants, the wide linen fabric littered with streaks of dried paint. Another blush painted his cheeks as he realized that Jeongguk’s words meant that he seemingly had studied Taehyung’s appearance in earnest.

“Oh… yeah”, he only replied, dragging the words out before snorting at his own mindlessness.

“So what’s your favorite painter, then?”, Jeongguk asked further, refusing to let the conversation die. It was puzzling how he seemed to care about asking questions, getting involved with someone with such genuine interest even though he didn’t even know them. Taehyung rarely saw that kind of interest in others and it was weird and nice at the same time.

“Uhm… probably Van Gogh? Monet is pretty dope, too”, he answered, smiling slightly up at Jeongguk who had abandoned his watermelons now, his brown eyes staring into Taehyung’s as if looking for something inside of them.

“Why?”, Jeongguk wanted to know and Taehyung exchanged a glance with Jimin who had resumed eating now, as well as the others but they couldn’t fool him into believing that they didn’t listen in on his and Jeongguk’s conversation. A little taken aback, Taehyung had to think about his question first because normally, people wouldn’t really bother to dig deeper into his interests, especially not when said interests weren’t necessarily shared.

“I like the way they see the world and transfer it onto the canvas”, he simply came up with after a few seconds, an insecure smile spreading over his lips. Jeongguk tilted his head to the side just the slightest bit and his intense gaze made Taehyung fidgety, his palms becoming sweaty. To avoid a sudden silence, he decided to ramble on. “I especially like the paintings of Monet’s gardens. The ponds with the waterlilies.”

At his words, Jeongguk smiled again, pulling up his eyebrows. “Oh, I love those too. The way he uses the colors, it has something dreamy about it.”

Taehyung stared into his eyes for several seconds, surprised by the fact that Jeongguk even had an opinion on a specific artist’s work, considering that he was a dancer, not a painter. He smiled at Jeongguk and noticed how the other’s eyes warmed a little at the sight as well.

“What’s your favorite thing to paint then?”, he wanted to know, looking at Taehyung expectantly.

“Uhm, water, I guess. It’s hard to draw, though. Details and stuff are harder to recreate if it’s something as random as the wash of waves”, he chuckled, one of his hands sneakily stealing a piece of carrot from Jimin’s plate.    

“Yeah, I can imagine that. It has a certain depth to it”, Jeongguk replied, smiling again. Taehyung could feel his lashes flutter just the slightest bit at the mention of depth, goosebumps running over his skin and making him numb for the fraction of a second before the eerie feeling was gone again and he was washed back to reality, the loud sounds of the cafeteria almost deafening in his ears. Jeongguk’s dark eyes were still staring at him, an unreadable expression in the chocolatey brown before they glinted with kindness again.

“Am I sitting in the oldest performance of Romeo and Juliet or why are you ranting like that?”, Jin giggled from next to Jeongguk, loudly slurping up his orange juice through his metal straw. Taehyung shook his head the slightest bit to get that weird feeling out of his mind that had set over it like a heavy haze, his brows furrowed at the strange sensation.

“Come on, let them live, it’s not all day that Taehyung gets a chance to get laid and at this point he’s desperate to…”

Jimin’s teasing words faded into the background as Taehyung’s gaze slowly wandered to Jeongguk again, the boy slightly leaned back in his seat which made the silver jewelry adorning his neck glint in the stark white light of the cafeteria lamps even more. His eyes looked darker now as he just stared at Taehyung, his raspberry lips pulling a wry smile.

Just for the fraction of a second, the slightest hint of something else flitted through his gaze. Taehyung couldn’t really decipher what it was, but it made Jeongguk’s eyes look almost inky black, impenetrable by any spark of light. But as soon as it had come, it was gone in the next blink of his eyes, leaving nothing but a joyful glimmer behind.   

How odd, Taehyung thought, but buried the queasy feeling in his gut somewhere inside, brushing it off as something he had only imagined in his wrung-out state.   

---

The leaves outside were dying, soaked in red blood as they were peacefully floating through the air in a wild dance with the wind. The sky blushed a pretty deep orange color as Taehyung walked over the concrete streets, his chin tucked into his scarf with his brown coat tightly slung around his body.

Staring at the way his slides crushed dried leaves under their soles, he couldn’t help but think. Think about the past two weeks, more specifically about how Jeongguk hadn’t missed a single lunch at their table the whole time. Every day, his eyes seemed to get more intense, more prying, more focused, his questions more specific. They were piercing through Taehyung at every opportunity and he was always left fidgety in his seat.

He wasn’t unaware of his looks and he knew that people found him attractive, but attraction would usually end up in guys making weak advances and Taehyung kindly declining their offers before they could think that he might want more or be interested too. But Jeongguk… he just looked.

Taehyung saw him often around campus. When he filled his glass with juice in the cafeteria, when he walked across campus with his books under his arm, when he sat on a bench in the nearby park with some friends. And even though Taehyung told himself it was just a coincidence, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was odd about this. He couldn’t put his finger on what exactly, he just knew that something about this boy made him paranoid to the point that he saw him in every guy that walked past him and had a similar fashion style to Jeongguk’s. It was ridiculous, really. He probably just wasn’t used to guys being respectful and keeping space between them since most would’ve approached him already instead of just… watching him and asking questions.

Maybe that just was the reason and he saw Jeongguk everywhere because he wanted to see him but, in the end, it had just been someone else and his imagination had played tricks on him. Because Jeongguk wasn’t even pushy or bothersome in any way. He was a funny and kind person from what Taehyung had observed during their times in the cafeteria and Jimin only told good things about him as well. It was rare that Jimin actually kept contact with one of his many friends for longer than a week, let alone let them sit on their table more than once. His best friend had always been good at knowing people, at categorizing them and judging whether they were a good person or not and Taehyung had never had any reason to mistrust Jimin in this particular point.

And yet… he felt like there was something in Jeongguk’s eyes. Something dark, mischievous that flitted through his gaze from time to time while they were talking about random topics. And it was unnerving because was he the only one who noticed? All his friends seemed to like Jeongguk, adored him and laughed about his jokes all the time which was why they even invited him to their group’s movie night this evening. And well, Taehyung liked him too, wanted to like him.

But his stomach was churning and he didn’t know why.

Maybe he just was intimidated by someone really showing interest in his personality. After all he was a rather distant person, heard to approach. Whatever it was, Taehyung just couldn’t get Jeongguk out of his mind because he had a very distinctive aura about himself. He didn’t really know if this aura was good or bad, though, and Taehyung didn’t like that. It annoyed him to a point where he just wanted to pluck out his brain and dump it into a blender.

Taehyung could hear the familiar melody of Namjoon’s bell through the thick wooden door his feet had carried him to by muscle memory. He was just in the process of untangling his scarf from his neck as the door swung open and-

And there was Jeongguk.

The boy looked at him with wide doe eyes for a moment before a smile stretched his red lips.

“Hi!”, he said cheerily, taking a step to the side. “Ladies first.”

“Hi”, Taehyung greeted him back with a polite smile before stepping inside of the house, eyeing Jeongguk from the side.

“Are the others here already?”, he wanted to know, trying to not sound rude.

“Hah! My favorite best friend!”, Jimin’s voice shrilled through the entire house, probably making the walls tremble and the render fall from the ceiling at the high frequency. Speaking of the devil…

“How many best friends do you have, Jimin?”, Namjoon’s passive aggressive voice chimed from the living room before Jimin appeared in the hallway, his bubblegum pink hair bouncing with his exaggerated steps as he trampled towards them, bringing a huge wave of air with him that smelled so alcoholic, Taehyung was afraid of getting drunk himself upon breathing it in.

Jimin threw himself into Taehyung’s arms, slinging his slim legs around his best friend’s hips before nuzzling into his neck like a cat.

“Who of you fuckers gave him so much to drink?”, Taehyung yelled as he helplessly had to endure his best friend clinging onto him as he tried to walk on. There were only giggles coming from the kitchen and living room, accompanied by the sound of popping popcorn and a movie being started.

“Hello Jeonggukkie!”, Jimin purred, reaching out to Jeongguk who grinned at him with this bunny smile of his, the crinkles around his eyes becoming more prominent now.

“We already saw each other but okay”, Jeongguk laughed in staged offense, followed by another fit of giggles by Jimin.

God, this boy… Taehyung had to take a few deep breaths to keep his calm. His best friend was intoxicated, and they all knew he always did dumb things when he was drunk which wasn’t exactly keeping down the dread of having a drunk Jimin trying to pair him up with Jeongguk for the whole evening.

“Glad you’re here, Taehyungie”, Jimin lilted sweetly, his fingers grabbing at Taehyung’s face and pushing his cheeks together so that he formed an involuntary pout. Helplessly, Taehyung looked up at Jeongguk who seemed to be trying really hard to not break into laughter.

“He’s drunk, I’m so sorry”, he whispered awkwardly with his squished cheeks and Jeongguk only made a dismissive gesture, giggling even more as Taehyung tried to get his shoes off with Jimin still clinging to him like a baby koala.

“Hey, let me hold him so you can get that off”, Jeongguk suggested and Taehyung sent him a grateful smile. After Taehyung had freed himself from the confines of Jimin, his coat and shoes, they somehow managed to carry his best friend into the living room where they dumped him gently onto the couch. Immediately, the drunk boy latched onto his new victim and Hoseok squeaked loudly as he was attacked by a pair of clingy arms and legs.

After greeting everyone, Taehyung went into the kitchen to help Jin with preparing the food. Carrying the bowls with chips and all the other unhealthy snacks into the living room where everyone else was already sprawled onto the huge couch and talking vividly, they placed everything onto the table. Taehyung plumped down between Jimin and Hoseok, grabbing a glass of water and a fluffy blanket.

“Noooo!”, Jimin protested with furrowed eyebrows, shoving at Taehyung before promptly climbing over his lap and worming his way between him and Hoseok, cuddling into his boyfriend so that Taehyung was forced to scoot to the side and… sit next to Jeongguk, of course. His life was a fucking cliché movie at this point. Jeongguk simply grinned and shrugged his shoulders at him before slightly leaning forward so that Taehyung could hear him better over the loud commotion in the living room (or at least Taehyung told himself that it was because of that).

“I have more popcorn anyways”, Jeongguk chuckled, his hot breath fanning over the other’s cheek, Taehyung gulping slightly and, in his stress, he just shoved his hands into the popcorn bowl resting in Jeongguk’s lap before fishing out a handful of it and catapulting it into his mouth.

“Thanks”, Taehyung said with his cheeks full of popcorn, blushing slightly as Jeongguk giggled at the sight. After that, they both tried to be silent since the movie had already started which Taehyung didn’t complain about. The close proximity to the other probably made him unable to form coherent words anyways.   

It wasn’t exaggerated when Taehyung said he didn’t know what the movie was even about when they were already halfway through it. And that had nothing to do with the fact that they watched Inception but with a particular boy next to him that- deliberately or not- had not missed a chance to very lightly graze his fingers over Taehyung’s thighs every time he stretched or shifted in his seat on the couch and at this point, Taehyung’s lips were bitten red and bloody from how many times he had had to hold himself back from letting out a gasp whenever Jeongguk’s long fingers lightly brushed over the thick fabric of his sweatpants, tickling the skin underneath.

“Can you give me the chips?”, Namjoon asked Jeongguk from where he sat next to the younger one and Jeongguk dutifully leaned over to get the bowl, leaning over Taehyung in the process which had their faces in an involuntary proximity again. The boy gulped, leaning back slightly which didn’t really change that much.

“Nearly got it!”, Jeongguk groaned with the effort of stretching his fingers to get his hands on the bowl. It was directly in front of Jimin on the table, but the unspoken truth was that nobody trusted the giggly mess that was his best friend to even transport a single potato chip safely to the other side of the couch. Well, in the end, it wouldn’t have made such a big difference because in the next moment, Jimin kicked his legs as Hoseok tickled his stomach (because why the fuck not now, of all times?) and hit Jeongguk’s arm with his foot, causing said arm to slip over the table, knock over a glass and make the contents of it spill all over Taehyung’s clothes.

Sizzling sweet soda was slowly soaking through the fabric of his sweatpants and shirt and Taehyung groaned with closed eyes.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry Taehyung, oh God, fuck!”, Jeongguk immediately yelled, his hands suddenly all over Taehyung’s clothes, trying to somehow fix the mess but only making it worse by making Taehyung flustered.

“No, it’s okay”, Taehyung said over the sudden yells and laughter in the living room as he stood up from the couch to at least not make the mess spread all over the cushions too.

“You can have something from me to change into!”, Jeongguk suggested, standing up too now and before Taehyung could protest, he was already rushing over to his bag that was somewhere in the catacombs of the mountain that made up their air mattresses, pillows and blankets. Yes, they still did sleep over parties. Why stop with the fun after high school?  

Meanwhile, Taehyung was already on his way to the bathroom, cursing as he took a look into the mirror where he could see the whole mess soaking his clothes. He just wanted to start the process of peeling himself out of his damp shirt and pants as suddenly, the wooden door to the bathroom was opened and Jeongguk came in as well.

“I’ll help you with that”, he stated, already gripping the hem of Taehyung’s sweater and attempting to pull it up over the other’s head. Taehyung stared at him wide eyed and in shock for a few seconds before snapping out of it.

“No, Jeongguk, it’s okay, really! Calm down, I’ll do it”, he tried to convince the other boy but the latter was determined to fix the mess he had caused himself.

“No, let me help”, he insisted and, looking up into Jeongguk’s dark eyes, Taehyung let out a long-drawn sigh of defeat. His cheeks were tinted a rosy pink as he proceeded to pull his sweater over his head, tousling his fluffy curls in the process that now stood on all ends from his head.

Jeongguk’s eyes flitted down the naked expanse of skin laid bare for him to see, not making an attempt to hide the way he was obviously staring as Taehyung looked up at him again. The latter’s breath hitched as a small smirk stretched Jeongguk’s red lips, a mischievous glimmer in his eyes.

Something in the air shifted.

Taehyung felt weirdly vulnerable standing half naked in front of the other suddenly, but Jeongguk’s expression made his blood run hot, his gaze so sinful now, a far cry from the innocent, helpful boy from before. Gone was the cute boy and he didn’t know what to make of that.

Now, he looked almost predatory and this time… this time, Taehyung was sure he saw that darkness again, swimming in the depths of Jeongguk’s irises. He wasn’t sure if it was lust or something else that was lurking deep down there, but it drew him in and terrified him at the same time, causing him to just stare up into the darkness and let out little puffs of breath. It was silent in the bathroom except for the drip of the faucet, the cold tiles under Taehyung’s naked feet an unpleasant sensation but not strong enough to rip him out of that weird haze in his mind. The tips of his fingers tingled with an electrifying feeling.

“I brought you my clothes to change into”, Jeongguk rasped, his voice sounding hoarse and it echoed slightly from the walls of the bathroom. Their gazes didn’t break, only when the boy extended his hand, a bundle of clothes lying in his palm. Taehyung looked down at it before lifting his own hand and grasping the soft fabric. Before he could take it from him, though, the fingers of Jeongguk’s other hand curled around Taehyung’s hand, the skin feeling soft and warm but ice cold at the same time.  

Irritated, Taehyung looked up again, losing himself in chestnut brown framed by thick long lashes. The artificial light of the bathroom lamp reflected in his irises, giving them an almost eerie glint.

“You should watch out”, Jeongguk said suddenly, eyes glimmering with an emotion Taehyung couldn’t really decipher. Something was writhing down there, in the depths of his eyes, squirming, clawing, trying to get out.

Taehyung’s breath hitched.

“What?”, he breathed, barely audible as a dull kind of panic started bubbling up inside of him at the other’s words; the kind of panic that one only registered when it was already too late to run. Jeongguk’s eyes simply stared back, an impenetrable mass of blackness.

Watch out for what? He wanted to ask the question, but Jeongguk had already pulled his hands away and had turned around, leaving Taehyung behind in the bathroom with nothing but a fresh pair of sweatpants in his hands and confusion in his mind.

Chapter Text

“How have you been feeling lately, Taehyung?”

The scent of coffee reached his nostrils, heavy and warm, a stark contrast to the rain splattering onto the windows reaching from the wooden floor up to the low ceiling of Min Yoongi’s office.

The man sat across from him in his black leather chair, the almost ridiculously big furniture drowning the rather small man in it. Yoongi was just a few years older than Taehyung, probably in his early thirties, but his face looked more youthful than Taehyung’s. The intelligence in his dark feline like eyes was something Taehyung rarely saw in a person’s gaze, not even in those of old wise men. It was almost as if Yoongi knew, just with one look into his eyes, what he was thinking, even in the most hidden crevices of the twisting tunnels in his mind.

It was one of the reasons why Yoongi had always felt out of reach for Taehyung, like someone he could never compare to. And yet, the man never bragged with his high intelligence and successful career as a therapist, something Taehyung acknowledged about him as much as his openness about his mildly concerning coffee addiction.

The man’s silky brown bangs were a little tousled on top of his head, the big, black framed glasses resting on top of his button nose making him look a little older. The white button up and the knitted vest he was wearing over it made him look professional, but they both knew that he was wearing his trusty comfortable slides underneath the oak desk which was littered with circular stains from coffee mugs by now.   

Yoongi’s chair creaked as he adjusted his position and leaned forward to take another sip from his large cup, his brown eyes warm and trustworthy. Taehyung let out a small breath, averting his eyes for a moment to look at the huge plants littering the room. A thin layer of dust was coating the leaves and Taehyung felt an itch in his fingers to wipe it away before his gaze strayed to the dead leaves dancing through the air outside.

“I don’t know”, he eventually said, clearing his throat before looking up at Yoongi again, who nodded, scribbling something onto the paper in front of him. Taehyung asked himself what he was writing down since his answer hadn’t exactly opened up new worlds of insight, but well.

The man patiently waited for Taehyung to continue, something the student liked about Min Yoongi as well. He seemed to have all the time in the world, never rushed anything and his voice was always smooth and soothing paired with his wise words. If you asked Taehyung, this man ended every storybook-reading grandpa’s career.

“I had a nightmare a few days ago”, Taehyung revealed, biting his lower lip as for the faction of a second, the images were flooding his inner eye again.

“About what?”, Yoongi wanted to know, his pencil hovering over his papers. The man surely would have enough money to buy a fancy ballpen, yet he still chose to write with his old scrawny wooden pencils just like he had done the first day Taehyung had been under his care, all these years ago.

“I was drowning again.”

Yoongi let his gaze wander over Taehyung’s features for a few seconds before writing something down. “Did you feel panic?”

“It was a mix of panic and…” He had to think for a moment, back to the dream and the feeling of water rushing into his lungs. “and safety.”

Yoongi looked up at his words, brushing a dark strand of hair out of his eyes as he studied Taehyung’s face with his eyebrows pulled up.

“That’s something new”, he stated, writing his thoughts down. “Were they there?”

“No”, Taehyung breathed, his eyelids flickering for a second. “I was alone.”

His therapist hummed, the sound of graphite scratching over paper only faint over the thundering rain outside.

“You said you felt safe. Can you explain that further?”

Taehyung swallowed, trying to remember the dream better. His chest felt tight.

“There was someone trying to pull me up to the surface but I… I didn’t want to. I mean, I was drowning, but I didn’t want to go up there, I wanted to stay underwater because…”

He furrowed his eyebrows, the pieces scattered all over his mind and he had to bring them together first before he could speak on.

“Because I think I didn’t want to feel alone.”

Yoongi nodded, shoving his glasses back up his nose where they had slid down slightly.

“But you said nobody else was there, underwater”, he stated, slightly tilting his head to the side as he looked at Taehyung kindly.

“I’m not sure, actually. It was dark and cold, I didn’t see much. It was more like a feeling. As if I would leave something behind as soon as I’d breach the surface”, he explained, beginning to pick at the dry skin surrounding his fingernails. He needed to use hand cream.

Yoongi hummed again, scribbling his notes down before looking up and taking another sip of his coffee.

“Last time we met, I asked you to bring some more sketches”, he said, looking at Taehyung expectantly before leaning forward slightly. “Don’t tell anyone, but you’re secretly my favorite patient. It makes my job a lot easier when I have such a talented artist who can sketch his feelings so well.”

Taehyung smiled at his words while he fished out a folder from his bag, placing it in front of Yoongi.

“Careful of the coal, it smears everywhere”, he warned as Yoongi opened the folder, taking out the first sketch. The page had been ripped carelessly out of his sketchbook and Taehyung remembered when he had drawn this right after a panic attack. He didn’t have them often, but when they occurred, they left him breathless and shivering for sometimes up to an hour.

Yoongi’s gaze wandered over the streaks of black coal, the hurried movement of Taehyung’s hand visible. The sketch showed a face with eyes all over its skin, looming over a way smaller figure that seemed to shield itself from the menacing face hovering behind it.

Taehyung usually never showed those sketches to anyone. He probably wouldn’t even have started sketching as a form of stress relief if it hadn’t been for Yoongi suggesting it as a form of outlet for anxiety and depressive episodes.

His therapist noted something down before laying the sketch aside, moving on to the next while Taehyung propped his feet up on his chair, drawing his knees to his chest. He knew that Yoongi didn’t mind it, they were rather comfortable around each other since they had known each other for a long time now and right at the beginning, Yoongi had said that the most important thing for him was that Taehyung would feel comfortable and safe.

While the older man worked through the sketches, Taehyung’s mind drifted off to random thoughts, the rain outside getting heavier by the minute.

“What about this one?”, Yoongi’s voice tore him out of his mind and Taehyung looked down at the sketch he had slid over the surface of the large desk towards him. The boy took in the hasty nature of the drawing, like almost all of his sketches were. It showed nothing but dark coal covering the whole sheet. Taehyung blinked, picking up the sketch and studying it before looking up at Yoongi.

“Darkness”, he breathed. “I’m terrified of it.”

Yoongi’s eyes wandered over the sketch again before he took another sip from his coffee and leaned back in his chair, the leather making a crunching sound at the movement. He had this look in his eyes that told Taehyung that he thought something he couldn’t or didn’t want to tell his patient.

Taehyung averted his gaze down onto the sketch again, staring into the darkness of Jeongguk’s eyes.

---

The rain was still thundering against the concrete several floors underneath the balcony of Taehyung’s and Jimin’s shared flat the next day. Taehyung had left the door leading to the balcony open because fall rain always brought a distinctive scent with it, an earthy freshness that made him feel alive whenever it filled his lungs.

The scent of oil paint was heavy in his room, sticking to every crevice and bump in the uneven walls as he dipped his brush into the light blue and mixed it with a darker shade on the crusty thin piece of plywood that he used as his color palette. It was satisfying to watch the way the pigments swirled into each other, slowly blending together to form an entire new shade of blue, just the right shade for the eyes of the portrait he was painting for class. The pale shades of pink, red and violet that formed the skin around the boy’s eyes he was painting could be a tiny bit more vibrant, he thought.

He took a step back, the palette and brush in his hands, his wide linen painting clothes covered in streaks of paint from head to toe, just like his face and hands. Taehyung didn’t even know how he ended up smearing paint all over his cheeks every time, but there hadn’t been a single painting session that hadn’t ended with him looking like he had fallen over and faceplanted into not one but three buckets of paint.

He stuck the end of his paint brush between his teeth, a bad habit of his. Gnawing at the wood while critically eyeing the painting in front of him that he had been mothering for hours now, he concluded that he had fucked up. There was no emotion in the eyes.

He might as well just say he had intended for them to look lifeless, with art you could sell anything if you came across as plausible. With a grin, Taehyung thought back to how him and Jimin once had visited a modern art museum and had wanted to test whether or not anyone would notice that the two empty cans of soda they had sneaked in and had deposited onto an empty pedestal didn’t in fact belong in here at all. They had nearly pissed themselves laughing when someone had actually started to take photos of the remnants of their lunch, thinking the two cans were part of the exhibition.

Deciding that it was time to take a break, Taehyung sprawled out onto his bed like a starfish, uncaring of the possible oil paint stains his poor sheets might be forced to soak up as he fished out his phone. Scrolling through his messages, he let out a sigh, bored out of his mind. He answered some but ignored most of them, letting out a yawn as he scrolled through the new messages in their group chat that Jimin had lovingly called “JiHope + others”. With a frown, he noticed that a number he hadn’t saved had been added. A little taken aback, he clicked onto the contact and observed the profile picture of a very familiar face. Jeongguk laughed into the camera, all crinkly eyes and bunny smile, the quality of the photo reminding Taehyung of a polaroid camera.

He stared at the photo for an unhealthy amount of time before dropping his phone onto his chest. Why was Jeongguk everywhere he was? And why on earth was he in their group chat?

Well, it kind of made sense since he had already joined their movie night last week and seemed to get along very well with the rest of the group who seemed to adore him. And if he was honest, Taehyung also hadn’t told anyone about the weird way Jeongguk had behaved that night in the bathroom, so why would the others suspect anything?

But that was the point, wasn’t it? Why was Jeongguk so nice to everyone else and then when it came to Taehyung, he acted so… odd?

“You should watch out.”

Watch out for what?

With how cute the boy’s personality was, Taehyung began to actually question his own sanity. Had he interpreted Jeongguk’s words and gaze in a wrong way? Maybe he had been too tired and Jeongguk had meant something completely different or had only been joking.

Yes, that must’ve been the reason. Taehyung was sure of it now that he thought about it.

A heavy breeze of wind rushed through the golden tinted trees outside, brown leaves dancing through the air, hand in hand with the heavy raindrops. Taehyung shivered slightly in his sweatshirt, the cold air of fall seeming to seep even through the thickest of clothes by now.

He experienced something similar to a heart attack as suddenly, his phone vibrated on top of his chest. Unlocking it, he stared unblinkingly at the message for several seconds.

Jiminie (18.26)

Move your ass over here in half an hour when practice is over.

Jiminie (18:26)

Don’t dare to show up without food

Taehyung rolled his eyes at his friend’s sassy attitude, even though they both knew it was just meant as a joke. They had been friends for so long that they rarely communicated like normal people anymore.

                                                                                                        Taehyung (18:27)

                                                                                                        On my way, your highness

Jiminie (18:28)

🌵🌵🌵

See what he meant with them being unable to communicate normally? What had the cactus emojis even to do with their conversation?

Letting out a sigh, Taehyung threw his phone somewhere on his bed before getting up, groaning like an old man who had only recently been suffering from a lumbago. Attempting to scrub the paint off his skin and failing, he decided people would just have to deal with faint pink and blue streaks on his cheeks before he quickly changed into something warm and baggy and headed outside.

On his way to campus, Taehyung stopped by a café where he got some bagels and iced coffee that had nearly frozen his hands to ice blocks when he finally opened the door to the building where the dance studio was located. Upon entering, he immediately felt his tense muscles relax, leaving the stormy wind outside behind.

The faint sound of music was resonating through the stuffy hallways and Taehyung faintly thought that someone really should let some fresh air inside of here. His sneakers left wet footprints on the linoleum floor.

He was a little late, so when he stepped into the dance studio, only a handful of students were still in the studio, talking and laughing over the music playing over the huge speakers, most of them in the process of gathering their things and heading out. Taehyung’s eyes fell on Jimin who was stuffing a towel into his bag, seeming a little stressed.

“Jiminie”, Taehyung lilted, waving the food he had brought with him in the air as he walked towards his best friend. His steps got hesitant and he nearly would’ve stopped walking at all as his gaze shifted to the boy sitting next to Jimin on the ground who turned out to be no other than Jeongguk. Of course.

He looked sweaty, his wide black tank top clinging to his chest in some places just like his long dark locks clung to his forehead. His muscular legs were clad in wide sweatpants and he was barefoot, some dust that always seemed to cover the linoleum floor of the dance studio stuck to the soles of his feet. Jeongguk’s dark eyes were already on him, following his movements attentively and Taehyung felt a blush creep on his cheeks, a confusing mixture of feeling flustered and kind of unsettled churning in his stomach.

Jeongguk’s lips pulled into a greeting smile and Taehyung smiled back. He looked… hot, Taehyung couldn’t deny that.

Deciding to avert his gaze before he would do something stupid like tripping over his own feet and pouring his poor coffee all over Jeongguk, Taehyung plumped down on the floor next to Jimin, his muscles aching slightly at the movement. That’s why he never worked out, god damn it. Wasn’t working out supposed to turn you into a hot twink and not into a grandpa with a shuffling gait and aches all over his body?

“What’s with the urgency, huh?”, he asked, observing with a critical eye how Jimin gathered his things in maximum speed. His best friend finally halted, looking down at him, his bubble gum pink hair brushed out of his forehead slightly.

“I’m so sorry, bub, but Hobi texted me. He needs my emotional support”, Jimin said with a sad expression in his eyes, his gaze shifting to the bagels in Taehyung’s lap longingly.

Alarmed, Taehyung stared at him with wide eyes. “Did something bad happen?”

Jimin nodded with an expression that made the other even more tense. “His cake died in the oven.”

“What?”, Taehyung asked with an irritated expression, his eyebrows pulled into a frown.

“He tried to make a cake for his mom since it’s her birthday today and it kinda burned in the oven so now I have to either try to save it or make a new one with him or else he’ll freak out”, Jimin explained, already slinging his heavy looking bag over his shoulder and heading towards the door.

Taehyung didn’t even know what to say, utterly speechless that Jimin would just head out like that and leave him here, alone with this devilish hot guy next to him that was currently trying hard not to giggle.

“Are you being serious right now?”, Taehyung yelled as Jimin was already opening the door to rush out.

“I’m sorry, Taetae, I’ll make it up to you! With loads of pizza and uh… some exquisite porn recommendations”, Jimin said hastily, already half outside the room before adding in a rush: “Maybe Ggukie wants some bagel!”

Only his hand was visible as it waved him goodbye and then the door closed with a loud clack, leaving an incredulous Taehyung and an amused Jeongguk behind. What the fuck.

Turning his head to Jeongguk, Taehyung let out a huff, shifting slightly on the dirty linoleum floor.

“And that’s who I call my best friend”, he said and Jeongguk grinned in response, his pearly white teeth showing and making him look like a bunny yet again. 

“You should consider replacing him”, the other joked and Taehyung tsked in agreement, leaning back and supporting his weight with his hands behind his body. He looked down at the bagels and coffee resting on the floor in between his spread legs. Well, thanks to Jimin it would come across as rude to ignore his suggestion of offering it to Jeongguk and Taehyung cursed him in his thoughts because now he would have to spend time with the other even though he wasn’t sure if he wanted to.  

Jeongguk was hot and hot people always made him uncomfortable. But on top of that, he was also mysterious, especially with the way his dark eyes seemed to observe his expression carefully, as if not wanting to miss a single detail. It made him nervous.

Letting out a final sigh, Taehyung turned his head to lock eyes with Jeongguk.

“You heard him”, he said, nodding to where Jimin had rushed out of the studio. “That bagel’s for you now.”

“You don’t have t- “, Jeongguk started but was interrupted by the other doing a dismissive gesture. “It’s okay”, Taehyung answered and looked into Jeongguk’s dark eyes for a few seconds. There was not a trace of something menacing or evil in them, just pure kindness. So he really had imagined the weirdness of the situation earlier this week, apparently, because the other didn’t act as if there was even a trace of awkwardness between them.

Jeongguk got up from where he had been sitting on the awfully turquoise linoleum floor, dusting his pants and smiling at Taehyung. “Are you down with going to the park nearby? It’d be kinda yucky eating in here. I know it’s cold outside but I know a beautiful place where we could go.”

Taehyung returned the smile, getting up as well and bringing the food with him. “Sure”, he answered nonchalantly while dying inside. Being alone in a park with Jeongguk? He didn’t know what to think about it, but his heart, the traitorous thing, surely did a little skip at the thought. Especially when Jeongguk’s raspberry lips curled into a little smirk.

“I’ll go wash up real quick. Are you gonna wait here for me?”, he asked and Taehyung didn’t miss the way his voice got just the tiniest bit lower at the last sentence. Staring at him, Taehyung only nodded in response and watched the other leave.

Well, the day surely had taken an unexpected turn.

---

♫ Swedish Garden- Brice Davoli

The red and yellow leaves that had fallen off the trees all over the park stuck to the muddy path Taehyung and Jeongguk were taking. The air was humid and it was quite cold, Taehyung noticed with a light shiver, pulling his coat tighter around his slim form as his breath formed clouds in the air.

It smelled like fall and the sound of their shoes on the wet ground echoed around them as they walked through the park. There weren’t many people apart from them at this time of the day since it was nearly completely dark already, the street lamps lining the path illuminating only a little bit of the way. The sky was a deep blue already, the sun nearly having set as only a few golden streaks of light were visible at the horizon. It looked so beautiful that Taehyung felt a strong urge to whip out a canvas and a brush and paint it.

Taehyung had already contemplated if he should ask Jeongguk about why he had warned him that night and especially of what, but eventually decided to not mention it. He was afraid of coming across as weird because he might have misinterpreted a joke or something.

Neither of them had said much since they had left the dance studio and with most people he didn’t know that well, Taehyung would’ve felt uncomfortable and awkward by now. But for some reason, Jeongguk was oddly pleasant company and the sound of the city in the distance as well as the raindrops hitting the ground from where they slid down the tall weeping willows around them made him feel relaxed. Words weren’t needed, they were just walking through the park and absorbing the atmosphere of fall.

From time to time, they glanced at the other, and after a few minutes, Taehyung turned his head, taking in Jeongguk’s strikingly beautiful side profile.   

“So where are you abducting me to, huh?”, he asked with a cheeky grin, Jeongguk grinning back which made his dark eyes sparkle. He zipped up his black puffer jacket before nodding his head in a certain direction ahead of them.

“Over there is a small lake. If we’re lucky, there might even be some swans around”, he answered, smiling as he looked at Taehyung and caught sight of his excited expression.

“Really?”, he squeaked, clearing his throat as he realized that he sounded like a little child eager to go to Disneyland.

“Yeah, I came here a week ago or so and there were quite some. I think I even saw a black one”, Jeongguk replied, the gravel on the path crunching under his combat boots.

It wasn’t long before the lake came into sight, the street lamps littered around the park reflecting on the surface and making it glitter prettily. There were weeping willows framing the water, their branches hanging into the water here and there and the both of them sat down on a bench right under one of them, the leaves of the tree lightly moving with the breeze.

“So, we’re just gonna sit here like an old couple?”, Taehyung teased, trying to loosen up the atmosphere as he put his feet onto the bench, pulling his knees to his chest in an attempt to keep warm. He unpacked his bagel and bit into the soft bread, humming at the taste.

“Well, I guess so. If you’re okay with pretending to be an old couple with me”, Jeongguk grinned, a mischievous sparkle in his eyes that got brighter as he caught the blush creeping on the other’s cheeks.

Taehyung averted his gaze and squinted, trying to see if there were any swans on the lake or near it at least, but it was already quite dark. To be fair, the park did have a slightly eerie feeling to it now that the sun was almost completely gone, the street lamps being the only thing that illuminated parts of the lake and the meadows around it. But simultaneously, it was relaxing to blend in with his surroundings.

Taehyung had always liked the night, contradicting to his fear of the darkness. It had a certain atmosphere to it and even though he was easily getting scared, there was always a calming effect to it as well. Darkness was what his mind made of it. Sometimes it was like a comforting caress on his cheek, sometimes it made him want to crawl into his body and hide under the blanket of his skin.

“Thank you for giving me the food, by the way”, Jeongguk said while looking out onto the lake as well, his long legs spread out in front of him. His cheeks were slightly bulging like those of a hamster while he was munching on the bagel in his hands and it looked… cute. Taehyung’s gaze flickered down to the small tattoos on his hand, once again asking himself what they meant.

“Well, you’d have to thank Jimin for that”, Taehyung laughed, shaking his head in disbelief at the fact that his best friend really had stood him up for Hoseok’s burnt cake. “It was purely coincidental for you to get that bagel”, he added with a grin, taking a sip from his coffee and shivering slightly. Maybe iced coffee hadn’t been the best choice considering the air itself was already cold enough but he had made the mistake of thinking that it was still kind of summer.

Jeongguk turned his head to him, the street lamps reflecting in his dark eyes and Taehyung felt himself drown in them for a few seconds, his lungs filling with black tint.

“Maybe it wasn’t a coincidence, though”, Jeongguk joked, his pleasant voice making the other’s skin tingle for some reason. Taehyung looked at him with a frown, the smile on his lips softening the expression as he chewed on his bagel.

“What do you mean?”, he asked as he had swallowed, observing how Jeongguk looked back at the lake, the black surface moving with the wind that was brushing over it.

“Maybe it’s a stupid thought”, he said, smiling slightly as he seemed to think about what he was about to say. “But do you ever wonder what would’ve happened if you woke up an hour earlier today?”

Taehyung’s frown deepened at his words, looking down on himself. A drop of sauce from the bagel stained his coat and he groaned eternally at the thought of having to clean it somehow.  “I’m not sure, I mean, why would I wonder about that?”, he wanted to know and Jeongguk turned his head to look at him again, a contemplative expression plastered on his attractive features.

“Sometimes the thought is just scary to me. What would’ve happened if I walked out of my apartment at 6 am instead of 7? Maybe a car ran someone over at the same exact spot I would’ve walked over at 7, but today, I was one hour earlier and just because of this tiny, coincidental, seemingly irrelevant aspect, my whole life changed completely. And I didn’t even know”, Jeongguk elaborated, his dark eyes locking with Taehyung’s, the latter chewing slower until he stopped eventually, absorbed by the thought experiment Jeongguk had just explained.

It was, indeed, a scary thought.

“I mean, everything seems to play together, you know? Every single thing you’ve ever done in your entire life has brought you to this exact spot you’re sitting right now, on this bench, with me while I’m talking shit about life as if I smoked a joint too much”, he spoke on and Taehyung giggled at his last sentence, shaking his head lightly.

“No but I actually never really thought about it this way”, Taehyung answered, taking another sip of his coffee before gazing out onto the lake stretching out in front of them. “It’s kind of terrifying to be honest.”

“Did you ever hear about the Butterfly Effect?”, Jeongguk asked, the both of them locking eyes again. Taehyung shook his head, looking at the taller one with curiosity in his gaze.

“It’s been said that a butterfly can cause a typhoon on the other end of the world just with the fluttering of its wings. “

Taehyung put his coffee down on the bench between them, feeling his hands grow too cold from the icy liquid inside. He rubbed his palms together in an attempt to make them warm up.

“How would that be possible?”, he wanted to know, the thought sounding too absurd to be true.

“Well, I’m not sure if it’s a real case scenario, to be honest, but it’s more of a metaphor anyways. For illustrating that the slightest change of an event can have a huge impact on the outcome of another”, Jeongguk said, the wind blowing a few of his long hair strands into his eyes and he blinked before brushing them out of his face.   

“An example that always stuck with me was Hitler. There was this guy, I think he was called Elser or something and he planned to kill Hitler with a bomb during a speech. If Hitler had stayed only thirty more minutes after finishing his speech, his plan would’ve succeeded, but Hitler decided to leave earlier this day and thus, the bomb never killed him. But just imagine what could’ve been prevented if that bomb blew him up that day.”

Taehyung’s eyes grew a little wider as he thought about Jeongguk’s words.

“It would’ve prevented so much suffering. Just thirty minutes”, he said, his voice sounding breathy as he looked at Jeongguk. The latter nodded, eyes turning unfocused for a second.

“The way time and events are interlaced with one another is actually such a fragile concept”, he stated and Taehyung nodded his head, resting his chin on his knees which Jeongguk observed with a smile. “Just think of all the mistakes you’ve ever made, all the things you could’ve done to prevent events from happening, it’s maddening”, he added.

Taehyung’s eyes flickered at his words, wandering to the eerie blackness of the water in front of them, the sound of the light wash of waves on the sandy shore. His gaze got unfocused as he felt coldness bleed out from his heart into his chest, his mind flooded with images of him floating in murky water that slowly filled up his lungs, the lights of a car’s headlights somewhere in the distance, floating like a ghost in the depths.

He blinked quickly a few times, ripping his eyes from the lake and forcing the uneasiness bubbling up inside of himself down. Putting on a careless smile, he looked at Jeongguk again.

“So, if Hoseok wouldn’t have burned his fucking cake, Jimin wouldn’t have left me behind and we wouldn’t be sitting on this bench and talk about butterflies causing typhoons”, he giggled, attempting to lighten the mood and Jeongguk grinned as well, placing the bagel he had only taken two bites from down next to him.

“That’s true”, he smiled, a fond expression in his eyes as he turned his head, his silver jewelry glinting in the light of the street lamps. “Is that a good or bad turn of events, though?”, he added with a grin, his eyebrows raised questioningly.

“Well, you tell me”, Taehyung laughed, shoving the rest of his bagel into his mouth and chewing on it happily.

“I’m glad that the Butterfly Effect was on my side tonight because you’ve caught my eye the moment you bumped into me all those days ago”, Jeongguk suddenly said and Taehyung choked on the half-chewed bread still inside his mouth, quickly pressing a hand over his mouth to not embarrass himself further. Jeongguk only laughed, the sound airy and beautiful, so beautiful, in fact, that Taehyung could get used to it.

“That was very direct”, Taehyung wheezed with a laugh, finally swallowing the food and he couldn’t deny the blush that was tinting his cheeks. It was definitely not only coming from the cold air.

“I like to be direct with people I take interest in”, Jeongguk smiled, the crinkles around his dark eyes melting the other one’s heart.

“Yeah, I- thanks I guess”, Taehyung chuckled a little awkwardly, not sure how to deal with that piece of information now.

“I hope I don’t make you uncomfortable when I say I’d really like to get to know you better”, Jeongguk said, his dark eyes nothing but honest and gentle as Taehyung looked into them.

“No, don’t worry, as long as you don’t say some creepy stuff like ‘you should watch out’, you’re fine I guess”, the smaller boy laughed, but his smile dimmed down as he took in Jeongguk’s confused expression and the way he cocked his head to the side in irritation.

“Huh?”, he asked, not understanding what the other meant.

“I- you don’t…?“, Taehyung laughed awkwardly, his eyes shifting as he looked into Jeongguk’s, not a shred of that darkness he had seen in them visible. “Forget what I said”, he chuckled eventually, shaking his head as he brushed a hair strand out of his face and fixed his coat.

So it was confirmed, his tired brain seemed to have played tricks on him. How peculiar.

He sensed Jeongguk’s gaze wandering over his features as if searching for something, but when he turned his head to look at the taller boy, he was looking out at the lake again.

“Look!”, he suddenly whispered, pointing into a certain direction of the lake, his eyes sparkling with excitement. Taehyung followed where his index finger was pointing at and squinted to even see anything in the nearly impenetrable darkness. Something was moving in the shadows, out there on the lake. For a second, Taehyung felt goosebumps rise on his skin despite the thick brown coat he was wearing, a shiver running down his spine. Then, the creature moving in the pitch-black darkness swam out further, the light of the lamps in the park as well as a few of the pale rays of light from the moon above catching on the silhouette of a swan.  

Taehyung’s eyes widened in disbelief.

“It’s a black one!”, he whispered as to not startle the beautiful bird gracefully floating over the glittering water, its head and neck forming the beautiful curve swans were known for and its black feathers barely stood out against the darkness of the night. “It’s so beautiful!”

“It is”, Jeongguk agreed under his breath, his eyes shifting from the black swan to Taehyung, his glossy lips stretching into a smile. Taehyung turned his head to him as well, suddenly becoming shy as he noticed how the other looked at him, almost in awe. He smiled as well, tucking his chin into his scarf as he giggled quietly. A particularly cold breeze that made the leaves around the park dance in the air made Taehyung shiver, though, and Jeongguk looked at him worriedly.

Then, the taller one suddenly zipped down his jacket and peeled himself out of it, attempting to lay it over Taehyung’s shoulders, the latter staring at him in disbelief.

“No, Jeongguk!”, he protested incredulously. “It’s okay, you’ll get sick if you sit here in only a sweatshirt!” The blush on his cheeks returned at Jeongguk’s kind gesture and deepened as he wouldn’t let up and placed his jacket on his shoulders anyways.

“You’re cold”, Jeongguk said, shrugging before taking a sip of his coffee. “I’m okay, I don’t get cold easily.”

“Thank you”, Taehyung muttered, abashed. His jacket smelled of fresh laundry and Taehyung really liked the scent, unconsciously nuzzling into the warmth that the jacket brought.

Jeongguk only smiled at him, his eyes just as dark and beautiful as the black swan still swimming on the surface of the lake, dipping its slim head underwater from time to time.

Sometimes, Taehyung wished to be able to float on water so safely and carelessly as well, not having to fight the ghost of liquid filling his lungs that came haunt him sometimes in his nightmares.       

---

The dirty dishes were piling up on the kitchen counter when Taehyung came home. Well, no surprise since Jimin never did any dishes whatsoever and it always was Taehyung himself who would have to clean the many plates and glasses if he wanted to be able to even move an inch in their kitchen. But it was okay since Jimin always cooked for them.

He was too tired to clean up now, though, which was why he headed straight to his room, changed into his pajamas and brushed his teeth. His face always looked strange in the mirror at night. Not like himself, somehow.

When he was lying in bed, he thought about the evening spent with Jeongguk and couldn’t help but smile. Jeongguk had turned out to be very kind and gentle as they had talked for long hours about their dreams and visions of the future and Taehyung had also learned a lot about the other’s passion for dancing. They had laughed a lot and for some reason, Taehyung had felt so safe and… seen somehow. It had felt like Jeongguk was truly interested in getting to know him better, had listened attentively to what he had told him about painting and how he had gotten into it. They had agreed that Jeongguk would have to come over some day to look at Taehyung’s paintings since he had asked to see them but Taehyung had denied to show him photos of his works.

In his opinion, art always looked better when one looked at them unfiltered. The atmosphere of his paintings just didn’t come across that well on photos and if someone had the chance to see them in real life, Taehyung always chose that way.

His stomach fluttered and he closed his eyes for a second, feeling as if there were butterflies flying around inside of him. He smiled. The butterfly effect seemed to be true, after all.

His smile died, though, as he thought back to Jeongguk’s words.    

“Just think of all the mistakes you’ve ever made, all the things you could’ve done to prevent events from happening, it’s maddening”, his voice echoed in Taehyung’s mind.

With his lashes fluttering slightly, his gaze flickered over to the photo frame on his nightstand. It wasn’t often that he dared to look at it, even though it was placed on such a noticeable place in his bedroom. They looked so happy.

Darkness sank into his bones, seeping out of them and entering his bloodstream and he felt himself suffocating suddenly, panic and anxiety bubbling up inside of him. Taehyung closed his eyes, trying to keep his breathing steady. It happened so suddenly, sometimes. The memories just came rushing back in as if a dam had become fractured, flooding his mind with guilt and terrifying emptiness.

Had the outcome of that night been determined since the day of his birth? Had all the events leading up to it been inevitable or did his decisions form the circumstances?

If they had taken a different route, everything could’ve been prevented. It made him sick to think of it, to think of what could’ve happened or not happened.

He could’ve saved them. 

His breathing was labored, sounding loud in his ears as he stared up at the ceiling.

It took him long to fall asleep that night, the lamp on his nightstand tinting the room in a gentle warm light. He had left it on because he just couldn’t put up with the darkness.

---

♫ Gathering Darkness- Kevin MacLeod

There was a noise outside, in the hallway.

His hands felt ice cold under his blanket, clammy and uncomfortable, his skin wet from sweat as he felt himself sinking into panic like it was quicksand.

The floorboards outside of his room, on the other side of his door, were creaking. There was something outside, walking up and down so slowly that he could hear each step with several long seconds of silence in between. He had been lying here for several minutes now, listening to it and it didn’t go away.

Taehyung stared up into the darkness, his heart beating so fast in his chest that he thought it would just crack his ribcage open and spill out of his body, covering his white blanket in crimson red. It’s just Jimin, he told himself. It can’t be someone else. Or something else.

Taking a deep breath, Taehyung closed his eyes again. His mind was only playing tricks on him, he was just confused after waking up in the middle of the night with adrenaline pumping through his veins. That’s it, nothing outside his door but what his tired brain wanted to make him believe. At night, everything seemed scarier than it really was.

His ears were still strained, but there was nothing now, not even after several minutes. Taehyung relaxed slightly again as it remained silent outside and his heartbeat returned back to normal as breathing got easier.

He had just imagined it. There was nothing outside, lurking in the shadows, peeking through the keyhole with prying eyes, trying to find out whether he was awake or not. He was alone, Jimin just a wall away. He was safe.

Feeling the sweetness of sleep luring him back into its warm, gentle hug, his mind got fuzzy at the edges again as he slowly drifted away. He felt himself slipping, just a few seconds more and he would be asleep, just a lit-

The floorboards creaked.

Taehyung’s eyes flew open, his lungs suddenly locked up again as if seamed close by thin needles and his fingers gripped his blanket anxiously until his knuckles turned white. His ears were strained for any sound outside and he felt a full shudder going through his entire body as the thing in the hallway took another step, the creaking sound of feet on wood menacingly loud in the silence of the night.

It was dark inside of his room, but the moonlight streaming through the sheer curtains in front of the door leading out to his balcony illuminated the space enough so that he could see silhouettes. They seemed to move, beckoning him outside of the door.

His breathing was shallow and the anxiety bubbling up inside of him was maddening as he forced himself to not move an inch, terrified that whatever was creeping around in front of his door for what had to be at least half an hour now could hear the slightest movement he made and rush into his room. With fear clawing at his mind, Taehyung stared at the door, just waiting for it to go away and let him sleep again, but the creaking sounds never seemed to go away. They came back in random intervals, not seeming to form a pattern.

It almost sounded as if the thing was walking up and down directly in front of his door with agonizingly slow steps.

He was so terrified, so afraid, he couldn’t breathe, he-  

The door handle to his room was moving down. Slowly.

The breath he sucked in didn’t seem to reach his lungs and a whimper caught in his throat as he pulled the blanket up to his nose, utterly terrified by the fact that whatever was lurking outside in the hallways, waiting for something, was now opening his door, just as slowly as it had been walking around outside. The thought of it creeping into his room in the same way, step after maddeningly slow step while he was forced to stay in his bed and hope it wouldn’t notice him made him so anxious, he thought he would pass out.

Taehyung’s heart pulsed in his throat as he stared at how the door handle stayed pressed down for several seconds, the door not opening yet. He waited.

Nothing happened.

And that, perhaps, was ten thousand times more terrifying than when the thing would just open the door and walk inside, because now, it was just standing there, in front of his door, with its hand pressing down the handle, waiting. Not moving, just waiting.

His breath was shallow and he hoped it was muffled enough by his blanket that he was grasping anxiously.

With panic writhing around in his insides and twisting his stomach painfully, Taehyung stared at the door handle, observing how it very slowly moved upwards again. Whatever was outside seemed to release the pressure now until the handle clicked into place again, keeping the door shut completely. He let out a silent breath of relief.

The creaking sound returned, but this time it sounded like the thing was walking away from his room in direction of the kitchen.

Staring at the door and anxiously waiting for it to return, he was lying in his bed for several minutes, but it stayed dead silent. There wasn’t a single creak to be heard outside but the boy couldn’t seem to relax either way. How could he even think of sleeping when he knew the thing was still outside, creeping around their flat with its slow movements? What if he would fall asleep and it would return, open the door for real this time and crawl inside of his room, hovering over his sleeping form while he had no way of knowing it was there, standing next to his bed and watching him sleep with a grin spreading from one ear to the other? Fuck, what if that was all it wanted? Making sure he would think it was gone when really, it was just waiting for him to fall asleep?

Taehyung couldn’t think a second longer about that or else it would drive him insane. There was only one thing he could do to make sure the thing was really gone. And that was getting up and looking for it.

The tiny hairs on his body stood on end at the thought of possibly encountering it, but honestly, he would rather face it and maybe even get to kill it instead of having it return and watch- possibly kill him first- while he was sleeping obliviously.

With shaking hands, he sat up in his bed, his limbs tingling from the adrenaline rushing through his body as he peeled himself out of the warm safety of his blanket. His feet felt ice cold as they touched the fluffy carpet and for just a second, it almost felt as if the carpet gave way under him, pulling his feet into the ground but when he looked down, there was nothing. Slowly, as to not make any sound, Taehyung tip toed over to his door, his heart pounding so fast in his chest that he nearly forgot to take breaths occasionally. He felt dizzy from anxiety as he pressed one ear to the door of his room, straining to pick up any sounds.

Silence. There was only silence.

Maybe it was already gone and he would find nothing.

It took him several minutes to finally put his icy hand on the door handle and press it down, thoughts of the thing waiting just behind the door and grinning at him, its eyes filled with insanity when he would open the door flooding his mind, but he willed the panic down. He could do this.

Deciding to use the quick-and-easy-method, Taehyung yanked the door open, eyes already half closed in anticipation of a terrifying sight or certain death. He was all the more relieved when he stared out onto the dark corridor, no creature lurking somewhere in sight, even though most corners were obscured by shadows, making paranoia boil under his skin.

Okay. He could do this. Just go to the kitchen, look there and then go back to his room and try to sleep. As easy as that.

Hesitantly, Taehyung started to sneak out of his room, wincing at the way the wooden floorboards creaked just as loudly under his weight as they had done when the thing had been walking up and down on them. It was the exact same sound which led Taehyung to believe he hadn’t imagined things. He didn’t know if that was good or not.

He took slow, measured steps, watching out all the time to catch sight of possible threats lurking in the shadows, but there was nothing. Fuck, he should’ve taken some sort of weapon with him because what was he supposed to do when he found the thing?

He flinched as he turned his head and was met with a face next to him, staring at him with dark eyes, but he relaxed again as he realized it was his own reflection in the body length mirror that Jimin had leaned against the wall because it hadn’t fit into any other room of their small flat.

His face looked strange in the mirror, weirdly distorted, but he couldn’t pinpoint why or how exactly. He just knew that the gaze of his reflection seeped into every crevice of his being, wormed its way under his skin and crawled in there, seeking… something.

The longer he stared at himself in the mirror, almost hypnotized by it, the more Taehyung began to notice a sudden discomfort in his feet and his balance started to feel a little unsteady. Frowning, he nearly tripped over his own feet but could support himself in the last second with a hand on the wall of the hallway, bringing himself even closer to the mirror so that he was forced to stare at his reflection with only a few inches of space in between.  

Taehyung let out a shuddering breath, fogging the mirror for a second and as the fog disappeared slowly, his face appeared again, staring at him with eyes holding the pitch darkness of the night. They were unsettling, making his stomach churn with discomfort and he felt himself get goosebumps in the crisp air as the eyes of his reflection ever so slowly traced down his shivering body that was still supported by his hand on the rough wall. The eyes settled on his feet, blankly staring at them and Taehyung frowned in confusion before slowly looking down at himself as well to where his reflection’s gaze was leading him.

His frown deepened as he looked at his feet, trying to understand what he saw.

His feet were gone. Or… no, they were reversed?

His heel was all he could see and only when he looked behind himself could he see the rest of his feet with his toes facing behind his body instead of pointing to the front, making him stand in a weird way with his weight suddenly not distributed how it should be. Terrified, Taehyung clutched at the wall, trying to support his weight as his head snapped up to look at himself in the mirror, his legs weirdly distorted now and his reflection staring at him intently.

Shaking his head in dread, Taehyung tried to walk on, the sole of his feet dragging behind his body in a weird way as his body weight was on his heels suddenly. Walking was almost impossible like this and he felt panic rise up inside of him again, not understanding what the fuck was happening, the gaze of his reflection in the mirror lingering in his neck as he dragged himself past it.

He inched through the hallway like this with his feet twisted in this awkward position, tears of frustration and fear welling up and slowly running down his cold cheeks. He didn’t understand. What was happening to him?

Taehyung managed to drag himself to the kitchen nonetheless, just wanting for all of this to end, his mind a tangle of confusion. He wouldn’t be able to run away like this if he encountered the thing and he winced at the thought of it slowly walking up behind him while he tried to run away but couldn’t.

Reaching the kitchen where he assumed the creature had creeped into, the boy held his breath, supporting himself on the doorframe as he peeked inside the poorly lid room, shrill terror screaming in his ear.

Nothing. There was nothing. Not even under the kitchen table.

He looked behind himself, a sudden wave of anxiety washing over him, but the dark hallway was eerily silent and there was not a hint of something cowering somewhere in the darkness and watching him. Except for the dark eyes of his reflection still staring at him from where it was locked behind the mirror.

Nonetheless, he decided to drag himself further into the kitchen because he had to be absolutely sure that there was nothing hiding somewhere in their flat.

He stumbled through the kitchen, checking every single crevice and cabinet, the dread of finding the thing curled up in one of the cupboards making him shiver, but he couldn’t find anything. It was as if he had imagined everything.

Taehyung decided to go back to his room since the thing seemed to have vanished. When he looked down, his feet were still facing backwards, making it hard to walk through the kitchen and into the hallway again. He moved cautiously, but to his relief, the thing that had been lurking inside of his flat seemed to be gone once and for all.

As fast as he could with his still deformed feet, Taehyung limped back to his room with the feeling of eyes watching him in his neck, consciously avoiding to look into the mirror again. He knew his reflection was staring at him nonetheless. He could sense it.

Just as he had placed his hand on the strikingly cold metal of his door handle, anxiety simmering in his bones, he sensed something else. A presence, somewhere.

He was frozen in shock, but his mind was working so quickly that his thoughts were all over the place at the same time. There was only the clutch of panic, of soundless suffocating.

And then, the floorboards creaked. Directly behind him.

Taehyung closed his eyes. He would die, he would die right here and now with that thing’s cold breath puffing against the goosebump littered skin of his neck.

Fuck, it was so close, it was almost pressing against his body, he could feel it staring at the back of his neck, grinning widely as it ever so slowly inched closer, the floor creaking under its feet.

His blood ran cold, freezing him from the inside out as he sensed it extending a hand, seeing it attempting to grasp onto him from his peripheral vision and he was frozen, he couldn’t move, couldn’t scream, couldn’t flee he was dying-

He woke with a loud gasp that scratched at his throat, eyes wide open and staring unfocused into nothing. His heart was beating so fast in his chest as he clutched at it with his hand, his entire chest drenched in cold sweat that seeped through his pajamas. Taehyung could still feel the breath of death fanning over his neck and he coughed a few times, his stomach churning as he was utterly disturbed by what he had just dreamed.

It was just a dream. Just a dream, he told himself as he was desperately trying to come down from the adrenaline pumping through him, his hands shivering uncontrollably. Just to be sure, he took a peek under his blanket, but his feet looked all normal.

“Fuck”, he muttered, letting out a long breath in an attempt to soothe his labored breathing as he wiped over his face with his palm. The terror was still in there, cracking open inside of him, crawling through his flesh and staying there.

He noticed that it was dark inside of his room and he quickly leaned over to turn on the lamp standing on his nightstand. Hadn’t he left it on when he had fallen asleep?

God, this anxiety made him paranoid beyond sanity.   

Taehyung was sitting in his bed, leaning against the headboard for several long minutes, attempting to calm himself down from the panic still bubbling up inside of him when he thought of what he had just dreamed.

Why would his subconscious torture him like this, make him dream such unnerving things? Sure, he sometimes had nightmares, but they were nothing compared to the level of anxiety this one had caused him to feel. It had also felt way more real, like it really had happened.

He could still feel the way the thing had moved behind him, so agonizingly slowly, the panic burying in his airways. Just to be sure, Taehyung scanned his room for anything, but now that it was illuminated, it looked so normal and unthreatening.

He forced himself to breathe in and out deeply a few times.

Surely he would have to tell Yoongi about this. But now, he somehow needed to calm down and fall asleep again, because one look at his clock told him it was only 2:47.

Taehyung let out a breath, pulling the drenched pajamas from his body and wiping the excess sweat from his chest before grabbing his phone from his nightstand and lying down again with his blanket shielding him from any possible threat. He turned on a random ASMR video to calm down. Normally, he would find those videos creepy, but when he was anxious, they helped him relax and fall asleep.

The consistent sounds made him indeed relax and soon, he felt his mind get fuzzy at the edges as he was lulled into a dreamless sleep. Finally, he felt safe, his chest moving up and down in a slow rhythm, finding rest in the clutches of unconsciousness.   

Outside, the floorboards creaked.

Chapter Text

Taehyung’s mind was hazy when he woke up, nonsensical images clinging to him like a thick layer of oil to the metal surface of a spoon.

The kitchen was eerily quiet in the early morning hours, every move he made echoing almost menacingly through the whole flat as he grabbed a cutting board to cut up some fruits for his oatmeal. It was still dark outside, the sun taking longer to light up the sky in soft pink and orange streaks these days.

He shuddered as he thought of the nightmare he had had last night, of the thing breathing down his neck, cold fingers grasping his own in his sleep. It was still unclear to him why he had such unsettling dreams all of a sudden and such realistic ones especially. It had almost felt as if the thing walking up and down directly outside of his room had been real. But it hadn’t been There was no way that it could’ve been real… right?

“Morning”, a voice tore him out of his thoughts and Taehyung flinched slightly, the spoon he had taken out of the drawer landing with a loud clatter on the cold tiles of the kitchen. Jimin looked at him in surprise, a little confusion mixed into his gaze as well before his puffy face settled on an apologetic expression.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you”, he yawned, tapping over on naked feet to the cupboards to fish out some bread and jam which he placed on the kitchen table with little gentleness.

“No, it’s okay, I’m just… I don’t know, had a rough night”, Taehyung replied as he sat down opposite from his best friend with a sigh before taking a sip of juice. The cool liquid felt strange sliding down his esophagus and settling in his terribly empty stomach. 

Jimin looked up at him, a frown plastered on his features as he studied his friend’s face for a second.

“Nightmare?”, he asked, his eyes shining with sympathy. Taehyung averted his gaze. He didn’t like the look of pity even though he knew it was only out of good intentions from his best friend’s side. He nodded slowly, not really motivated to elaborate further which Jimin respected.

“So… you and Jeongguk, huh?”, Jimin then drawled, his sharply defined eyebrows wiggling suggestively as he looked at Taehyung with a pervert expression. Taehyung rolled his eyes which probably didn’t have the effect he had wished for it to have since he couldn’t hold back the little smile on his lips and the blush from spreading over his cheeks.

“Stop it”, he groaned, already feeling the storm coming. Jimin always liked to pair him up with people when he did as much as ask them for the right way so it wasn’t left to the imagination what would happen if the pink haired bundle of energy found out that Jeongguk even had stated that he liked Taehyung. Liked liked Taehyung.

He still didn’t know what to make of that.

“Ooooh”, Jimin screeched with excitement and triumph in his voice, clapping his small hands together in victory. “I knew it!”

“Minnie-“, Taehyung tried again but was interrupted by his best friend reaching over the table and squishing his cheeks with his hands.

“You’re gonna be a perfect fairy tale pair. I’ll wear red to your wedding”, Jimin said dreamily, Taehyung only staring at him with an unimpressed expression.

“Wow”, he answered dryly, the sound muffled by the fingers squishing his face. “You really planned that far, huh?”

“I always come prepared”, Jimin winked, finally pulling his hand away and Taehyung was able to massage his assaulted cheeks. He stopped in his movement, though, when his phone was vibrating where he had placed it on the kitchen counter, only a few meters away from them.

Jimin, who had taken a bite from his jam sandwich, stopped chewing as well, his cheeks stuffed full and making him look like a cute hamster. Then, Jimin’s eyes wandered over to Taehyung’s phone and back to his best friend whose eyes very much told him who had most likely texted him.

In the next second, both of them leapt forward, hands extended to fetch the phone from the counter and when Jimin succeeded with grabbing it first, Taehyung made a frustrated sound, trying to get his phone back but Jimin held it away from his body where the other couldn’t reach.

“That’s unfair, give it back!”, Taehyung yelled, most likely disturbing their grumpy neighbors but he didn’t care.

“Nope”, Jimin said smugly, a complacent grin on his lips as he sat down on his chair again and observed how Taehyung fell into his seat with a huff as well, supporting his chin in his palm as he looked at his friend with a grumpy expression.

“Now what do we have here?”, Jimin drawled as he typed in Taehyung’s code and opened the message he had received.

“Wait, why do you know my password?”, the dark-haired boy asked with a frown and Jimin only smiled at him innocently.

“We’re best friends, Taehyungie. We know everything from each other”, he lilted.

“I don’t know yours”, Taehyung huffed, crossing his arms in front of his chest with a pout on his lips.

 “A certain Jeongguk texted you”, Jimin grinned triumphantly. “And he says he wants to meet up with you soon to see your paintings.” The last part was emphasized by Jimin making quotes in the air, his eyebrow raised with a shit eating grin plastered onto his full lips.

“Don’t give me that look, we really just want to-“, Taehyung tried to defend himself, but Jimin only giggled loudly, handing him his phone back.  To the both of them, it wasn’t more than a little joke since Jimin did respect his privacy and if Taehyung seriously hadn’t wanted him to look at his phone, he would’ve handed it back immediately.

“Sure”, Jimin grinned as he looked at Taehyung with his brown eyes sparkling mischievously. “Have fun”, he added with another wink and Taehyung huffed. It would only be a waste of time to try to explain to Jimin that he wasn’t planning to start anything with Jeongguk just yet, especially since he didn’t really know the other that well yet. And because of that… certain twisting sensation in his guts whenever he looked a little too long into Jeongguk’s dark eys.

“By the way”, Taehyung said as they had resumed eating for a few minutes and he tried to keep his voice as nonchalant as possible. “Did you… I mean, did you ever get some weird vibes from Jeongguk?”

Jimin looked up at that, his gaze uncertain and brows pulled in a frown with a little bit of jam smeared in the corner of his mouth. “Weird?”, he asked and Taehyung cleared his throat, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. Maybe he should stop thinking and obsessing about the way Jeongguk had threatened or warned him or whatever he had meant to do that day. Clearly, Taehyung had just imagined it and judging by Jimin’s expression, he was also the only one feeling this way about Jeongguk. It was unfair of him to be suspicious of Jeongguk since the boy had been nothing but nice up to now.

“Well, just… doesn’t he seem… kinda weird sometimes?”, Taehyung drawled, fidgeting in his seat under Jimin’s gaze who seemed to contemplate his words.

“Hm, no, I never found him acting weird”, the other answered, brushing a pale pink hair strand out of his face as he sipped on his tea. “But if you don’t feel comfortable around him, then don’t meet up with him.”

Taehyung stared into his best friend’s honest and supportive eyes for a few seconds before he cleared his throat and sat up straighter in his chair, picking up his spoon and digging around in his oatmeal that had become way too thick in its consistency by now.

“No, it’s okay, I- I don’t feel uncomfortable. He was very sweet, actually, but I don’t know I just-“ He desperately looked for words for a moment but when he couldn’t find them, he just shook his head and waved his hand in dismissal. “Doesn’t matter, nevermind.”             

Jimin’s worried eyes wandered over his best friend’s features as he tried to make sense of the other’s words before he leaned forward slightly, his brows furrowed. “Tae, if he does anything to you that you don’t want, tell me, okay? I swear if he-“

“Okay, okay”, Taehyung interrupted, laughing awkwardly but also in endearment at Jimin’s protective attitude. “You’d probably not stand a chance, though. Not with your tiny ass fists”, he giggled, succeeding in lightening the mood as Jimin giggled in return, holding up his small fists threateningly with his nose scrunched up adorably.

“Don’t say anything, those babies will save your life one day!”, he said, making Taehyung laugh as he added some more milk to his breakfast.

Jimin had been his last concern. If he would have had doubts or any suspicious feelings concerning Jeongguk, Taehyung would have maybe considered for his gut feeling to be more reasonable than he had initially thought. But now that his best friend whom he trusted with his life had no concerns at all, he was sure that he had just made all of this up, somehow and that there was nothing weird about Jeongguk. A big part of himself also wanted to not be suspicious since Jeongguk was his ideal type. Tall, handsome, athletic, sweet, caring, bold…

With a probably rather stupid smile on his lips, Taehyung opened the text message from Jeongguk, staring at it for a few seconds before typing his response.

Jeongguk (7:23)

Hi pretty boy :]

Still up for showing me around your personal art gallery this week?

Please, he even had used the :] smiley. How could he be more innocent?

Taehyung (7:35)

Sure :)

R u free this Sunday?

Jeongguk (7:41)

For you, of course <3

---

Taehyung had been buzzing with a mix of anxiety and excitement the whole week leading up to Sunday. He wasn’t only nervous, he was anxious and he didn’t even know why.

When their group met up for lunch in their break, Taehyung caught Jeongguk looking at him from time to time even though he was sure the other’s eyes were on him more often than he thought and it made him a fidgety, blushing mess for the rest of the break.

But now that he was actually waiting for Jeongguk to knock on his door every second, it got worse. The insides of his palms were sweaty, his leg bounced up and down where he was seated on the couch in the living room and Jimin had found his toothpaste in the fridge this morning where Taehyung had placed it, completely out of his mind.

It wasn’t even that he thought Jeongguk would do anything he wasn’t comfortable with or that he wouldn’t be safe with him. It was just that Taehyung rarely met up with guys because well… most guys didn’t interest him. But Jeongguk was one of the few he actually found himself being attracted to. He made something inside of Taehyung excited, thrilled, maybe even a little desperate. It had been way too long since he had allowed himself to even consider starting something with another person and suddenly, he felt himself catapulted back into his early teenage years when he had been just as excited when he had had his first kiss.

“Pull it together, Kim. You’re not 12 anymore”, he muttered to himself, firmly gripping his glass of orange juice. “You got this!”

A loud ringing of the doorbell had Taehyung flinching so hard that the juice in his cup sloshed over the rim of the glass and dribbled down onto the carpet. Well, fuck. So much for pulling it together. At least it was only a small stain, Jeongguk would probably not even notice.   

Scrambling up from his seat on the couch, Taehyung quickly made his way over to the front door, checking himself one last time in the mirror in the entry way before he opened the door.

Jeongguk’s eyes brightened up as he spotted him, two dark jewels that were blindingly beautiful as he smiled at Taehyung.

“Hi”, he said and Taehyung smiled back, adjusting his brown cardigan where it had slipped down his shoulder slightly, exposing his collar bone. Jeongguk’s eyes followed the movement.

“Hey”, Taehyung greeted back and was promptly pulled into a hug by the taller boy, his strong arms enveloping him briefly and the scent of fresh laundry reached his nose.

“Come inside”, he offered, holding the door wide open for Jeongguk to step inside which the other did before politely taking off his combat boots and his jacket that reminded Taehyung of their little meet up at the lake last week where Jeongguk had given it to him all gentleman-like.

“Do you want something to eat or drink?”, Taehyung asked as he led Jeongguk through the hallway and into the living room, gesturing for him to take a seat on the couch. He cringed as Jeongguk’s socked feet stepped directly into the small stain on the carpet but the other didn’t seem to be fazed by it as he plunged himself onto the soft cushions, smiling brightly at Taehyung.

“Well, what do you have?”, he asked and Taehyung giggled lightly.

“Not that much, we’re broke. We have water and uhm… orange juice”, he said, his eyes falling onto the glass on the coffee table, the spilled over juice that had run down the glass probably leaving a stain behind.

“Water is totally fine”, Jeongguk answered with a kind grin that exposed his bunny teeth and oh god, Taehyung was weak.

“Be right back”, he said as he made his way over to the kitchen to fill a new glass with the cold juice from the fridge, careful to not spill something again. When he returned back to the small living room, Jeongguk was standing in front of their rather maltreated looking shelf next to the glass wall leading out onto the small balcony. He was leaning forward, studying the framed photos that were leaned against the several books and movies that were only looking so organized with the way they were placed in a neat row because Jimin liked to keep everything tidy.

Something was odd about the way Jeongguk was standing, though. Too close. Too focused on the photos for someone who just wanted to take a curious look. His face was nearly touching the photo where Taehyung could be seen as a kid building a sand castle on the beach with how close he was leaning.

Taehyung could feel a shiver running down his spine and he gripped the glass in his hands a little tighter before he decided to just ignore it since Jeongguk didn’t seem to have noticed him yet with how concentrated he seemed to be.

“I brought you some water”, Taehyung stated, expecting Jeongguk to flinch and maybe rub his neck sheepishly as he turned around. But all the other did was turn his face to Taehyung, very slowly. So slowly that Taehyung froze in his movement of placing the glass on the coffee table. Jeongguk stared. Then, his lips turned up in a smile and the way his face lit up just as slowly so that Taehyung could observe every small detail of his face shifting into happiness as if in slow motion made something akin to terror stir in Taehyung’s chest. It was just… odd.

“Thank you”, Jeongguk simply said before straightening up so quickly that Taehyung blinked a few times in confusion. Had he- had he just imagined this? Again? Was he only making up weird scenarios in his brain? He hadn’t slept that well the past few days after that terrible nightmare, maybe that was the reason why he imagined things or that his senses made him feel a strange atmosphere where there was none. 

Deciding to just dismiss it, Taehyung smiled at Jeongguk, a little stiff now, as the other walked over and plumped down on the couch again, picking up the glass of water Taehyung had placed on the table for him.

“You looked so cute as a child”, he told him with a kind bunny smile on his lips, taking a sip and licking his lips where a little bit of liquid had wetted them.

“Thanks”, Taehyung smiled, shyly averting his gaze. “Do you want to see the paintings now or later?”, he asked, just to have anything to say. He hated sitting in silence with people he didn’t know well and the way Jeongguk acted wasn’t helping at all to ease the awkwardness he was feeling, even if it wasn’t intentional from the other.

“Do you really think I could handle my curiosity any longer?”, Jeongguk giggled, his nose scrunching up endearingly with his smile and Taehyung smiled back, clearing his throat before he got up from the couch.

“Well, then if you’d follow me, mister”, he joked in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere even though Jeongguk didn’t seem to sense any awkwardness between them with the carefree way he was smiling, talking and trailing behind Taehyung like a duckling waddling after its mother.

“We have this little spare room”, Taehyung told him as they walked through the narrow hallways. “It’s too small for Jimin or me to live in and we didn’t really know what to do with it, so now I have a room where I can store most of my paintings.”

“You’re lucky then”, Jeongguk answered and Taehyung nodded as they came to a halt in front of the narrow door leading into his little storage room. The sun was already dying outside this far into winter, so the hallways where no natural light could reach were making Taehyung feel claustrophobic in the darkness.  

Opening the door, he could feel Jeongguk’s presence behind him, not pushy, not too close, just… there.

As the door opened with a low creak, Taehyung switched on the light, the naked light bulb hanging from the ceiling illuminating the small room.

“I think it once served the purpose of a large storage room or something”, Taehyung explained, stepping inside the room where maybe a small bed, a bedside table and a lamp would fit in if one wanted a few centimeters to spare to be able to walk at all. Right now, however, the space was filled from bottom to top with paintings, some tall ones leaned against the naked wall, some placed in shelves and some still unfinished, resting on Taehyung’s easel.

“Woah”, Jeongguk said behind him as he laid eyes on the inside of the room. “That’s a lot of paintings.” In awe, the boy stepped into the room as well, looking around with wide doe eyes like a child in a candy shop. The scent of oil paint clung to the walls and Taehyung felt himself get a little dizzy but comforted as well.

“Well, I have a lot of time and I’m an art student, as you know”, he answered, leaning against a small piece of wall that was still unoccupied space, a rarity in this room, with his arms crossed in front of his chest as he observed Jeongguk taking in the paintings.

“You can ask whatever comes to mind”, Taehyung told him, smiling at the way Jeongguk was totally absorbed by looking at the various artworks, some drawn with bright pastel colors, some very dark, some portraits, others landscapes or still life and some showing indistinguishable shapes of abstract art.

Jeongguk was a still observer. He was just taking in, walking through the small room and looking at every single work with wide eyes, the emotions he was feeling while looking at the paintings shown openly on his face. It amazed Taehyung how this boy let himself get sucked into the world and atmosphere of his works, how he was so open for diving into them and letting himself feel the emotions Taehyung was trying to portray with them.

“They’re so beautiful”, Jeongguk whispered, his head turned into Taehyung’s direction but his dark eyes still focused on the painting in front of him.

“Thank you”, Taehyung whispered back, lowering his gaze shyly where he was met with a painting he didn’t like. The proportions were messed up and the message had gone lost in too much trying and not succeeding.

“What’s under here?”, Jeongguk suddenly asked, tearing Taehyung out of his thoughts as his head snapped up. The other was standing in the far corner, leaning over something obscured by a large piece of linen fabric that looked a little dusty and had oil paint stains all over.

“O-oh those are- don’t look at them, they’re kinda…”, Taehyung told him, clearing his throat and Jeongguk looked up at him, his dark eyes sparkling with curiosity.

“I- I never really show them to people I don’t know that well, you know. But you can look at them, if you want to. They’re just kinda disturbing, maybe.”  

“I wouldn’t mind, I’m sure they’re just as amazing as the others. Only if you’d let me, of course”, Jeongguk said, his gaze trailing over Taehyung’s features who was tensing up a little, unsure of what to do now.

“I mean, if you really want to look at them, go ahead”, he eventually settled on and Jeongguk gazed at him for a few more seconds before he shifted his attention onto the linen fabric that he lightly grasped and then pulled at. Slowly, the fabric slid away to reveal a pile of paintings, a mess that contrasted starkly with the neat way the rest of Taehyung’s paintings were arranged in the room.

“They’re my night paintings. The ones I use as an outlet for anger or fear or- just to deal with things.”

Jeongguk only nodded in answer, already absorbed into the world that was opening up in front of his eyes. Taehyung watched him silently, his heart racing a little at baring such an intimate part of himself for the other to see and probe around in with his dark eyes.

“You’re afraid of water”, Jeongguk stated, crouching down in front of a rather bigger painting that was showing the silhouette of a person barely lit as they floated in deep depths of a void ocean, the streaks of cold light from the surface not reaching down to them as they were swallowed rather fast by the darkness of the water. It looked peaceful but menacing all the same, the way the figure was lifelessly floating making Taehyung feel goosebumps every time.

“Yeah”, was all he said, observing how Jeongguk studied the painting and then moved on to other paintings and sketches. Faces distorted until they didn’t even look like faces anymore, blank, emotionless eyes, dark, moody colors, tall buildings, lifeless bodies, rotting memories and dreams that he had tried to capture with messy strokes of paint in the darkness and isolation of his room. The only ones who knew of those paintings were Jimin and Yoongi. Not only because Taehyung felt vulnerable showing them to anyone else, but also because no one usually showed particular interest in them and asked him to show them.

Jeongguk, however, seemed to be drawn to them way more than he had been with Taehyung’s other, “normal” paintings as he studied them.

“This is amazing”, Jeongguk whispered as he dug through the pile of canvasses with gentle fingers, analyzing the paintings with awe in his eyes.

“Well, amazing isn’t the first thing most people would come up with, but I’ll take it”, Taehyung said with a light chuckle.

“You just draw these out of imagination?”, Jeongguk wanted to know.

“Well… most of them have been dreams, actually. Nightmares. They don’t leave my mind until I paint them, until I can leave them behind me and move on”, Taehyung answered, leaning against the wall again as Jeongguk proceeded to rummage through the pile with great carefulness as if he was afraid to damage something. Then, holding a smaller sketch in his hands, he became quiet.

Taehyung watched him for a minute as he quietly studied the sketch before curiosity got the better of him and he walked over to the boy kneeling on the dusty ground of the room. He looked down on what had Jeongguk so captured in his fascination.

“This one…”, Jeongguk said, looking up at Taehyung for a second before lowering his gaze again.

“I had this terrible nightmare a few days ago”, Taehyung told him, studying the messy sketch of the scary reflection in the hallway mirror as well as the madly smiling figure standing next to his bed that he had seen in his dream. Or well, how he had imagined the thing to look like since he hadn’t actually seen it. “It was horrible. Probably the scariest I had in a long while.”

Jeongguk didn’t answer for a few more minutes, only staring down at the sketch before he slowly put it down and straightened up again, dusting his pants and then pulling the fabric over the pile of paintings again. His movements were gentle and not far away from how a parent would lovingly tuck their kids into bed at night. It struck Taehyung as odd but he couldn’t really pinpoint why exactly.

“You’re really talented. Your works are awesome”, Jeongguk told him as he looked into Taehyung’s eyes, the shadows the single light bulb created making his eyes look so much deeper and… creepier for some reason. Taehyung had to suppress a shiver.

“T-thanks”, he said, taking a step back. “Do you wanna watch a movie or something? It’s evening already.”

“Sure”, Jeongguk answered, smiling slowly. Taehyung turned around with a frown and reached the entrance to the door with only a few steps. As he turned back around to let Jeongguk exit the room as well, his eyes fell on the other, still standing where he had stood seconds before, his eyes weirdly dull as they stared down at the pile of paintings, his limbs stiff, his whole body unmoving. In that moment, he looked more like a wax figure that could melt any second under the harsh lighting instead of an actual human.

“Are you- are you coming?”, Taehyung asked with his voice sounding very uncertain because at this point, he really was weirded out. Still, he didn’t know if Jeongguk really was acting odd or if it was only his own imagination and tired brain tricking him. He needed to talk to Yoongi soon.

Jeongguk seemed to be torn out from whatever thoughts or state he had been in, looking up at Taehyung before smiling his bunny smile again, no trace of anything in his brown eyes as he quickly made his way over to the other and exited the room.    

---

Whatever weird atmosphere Taehyung had imagined earlier, it was gone for the rest of the evening.

He and Jeongguk had ordered some pizza, had made some popcorn and were currently seated on Taehyung’s bed, their backs supported by tons of pillows as well as the headrest as they watched a movie on Taehyung’s laptop. The both of them had been joking around and laughing all evening, not a trace of the awkwardness from before between them which was why Taehyung was a lot more relaxed and comfortable with being in Jeongguk’s presence now.  

“Those teen romance movies are always the same. Why is she even falling for the bad guy after he pulled so much shit? He literally apologized once and then everything is okay again and she picks up their relationship even though the other guy is so much nicer, more competent and also better looking?”, Jeongguk laughed in disbelief, both of them giggling at the silly plot of the movie as they sipped on their milkshakes.

“It’s ridiculous. But hey, we fell for it too”, Taehyung reminded him, biting into the last piece of his pizza as the end credits rolled over the screen.

“Yeah, but only because we knew it’d be so bad that it’s gonna be funny”, Jeongguk giggled and Taehyung turned his head with a smile to look at him. He had tied his long hair up into a loose bun and Taehyung tried not to drool over the way he looked so effortlessly hot. It was honestly unfair.

It was silent for a few seconds as they looked at each other, the darkness of Jeongguk eyes feeling like yawning abysses that Taehyung was falling into, spiraling down in endless circles like Alice down the rabbit hole. He was getting a little tired now, letting out a quiet yawn. Then, Jeongguk’s gaze shifted for just a moment, focusing on something behind Taehyung.

“You know… I mean, you don’t have to tell me or anything. I was just wondering who those people are on the photo there. Are they your family?”, he then asked and Taehyung stared back at him, into those slightly uncanny eyes, before he looked over his shoulder. The photo that was placed on his bedside table showed a woman and a man tightly hugging each other in front of a seemingly endless forest, the firs coated with thick layers of snow that almost looked unreal, like icing on a gingerbread house. The woman held a small baby tightly tucked in thick blankets, and a small boy was standing in front of the man, leaning against him slightly with the man’s hand tangled in his dark hair lovingly. All of them were laughing happily, carefree. It was a peaceful photo, one of the kinds that captured the rarity that was real happiness in a small fraction of life that could be felt even years later when looking at the picture. As if a small spark of emotion was embedded in the photo and connected with one’s memories when their eyes fell on it.  

Sometimes, the photo stared back at him, in the darkness, when Taehyung lay under his covers and tried to fall asleep. The first time the darkness had grown eyes had been terrible but as he had grown older, he had become used to their ghosts wavering through his subconsciousness in the haze and uncertainty of night.

“Yeah”, Taehyung whispered, his heart suddenly clamping shut painfully. “They are- they’ve been my family.” And then, after a few seconds, he added: “Always will be.”

Jeongguk eyed him from the side, seeming to be confused about the sudden shift in the atmosphere, but he didn’t ask anything else, just looked.

“You don’t have to- you know, tell me anything else if you don’t want to”, he whispered, lifting a hand to caress Taehyung’s bony shoulder with his slim fingers in a comforting manner. Taehyung’s eyes shifted over to his again. He could see the photo watching him from his peripheral vision.

“They died in a car accident”, he told Jeongguk, his voice sounding strange. Something between husky, close to tears, and void of any emotion at the same time. With time, the tears had died down and he rarely cried over what had happened anymore. Instead, there was this constant void inside of him, the call of emptiness that beckoned him into its company.

“It was a stormy winter day and it had snowed heavily when we were on the way to a cabin in the mountains to spend the holidays at. The streets were covered in thin layers of ice and we were driving over a bridge because my dad had wanted to take the quickest route possible because I- I had been complaining about wanting to reach our cabin quicker. I was 7 at the time so I don’t remember much. I just know that suddenly, there was a car on the wrong side of the street and my dad tried to evade it and then our car just slithered and- and it hit another car and then our car tumbled over and everything just went black. The next thing I can remember is that I was underwater and everything was black and I couldn’t breathe and it was so, so cold.”

Jeongguk stared at him, his fingers rubbing the skin of his shoulder in a monotone pattern as he listened to Taehyung with empathy bleeding out of his eyes.

“I don’t remember but they told me after inspecting the car that it must’ve crashed into a rock underwater since the body of water was pretty shallow. I was lucky because the impact caused me to be set free from the confines of the car and I was floating through the water. The officers told my aunt that my parents and my- my baby brother had been dead at that point already, crushed by the impact since they sat in the front. Someone had jumped into the water to rescue us but he only managed to grab me. It was pretty dangerous because the surface had been frozen shut, of course, but he managed to get me and himself out in time.”

It was silent for a few long minutes as Jeongguk seemed to have to grasp the situation first and process what Taehyung had just told him. Eventually, he shifted around, his arm slowly snaking around Taehyung’s smaller frame to gently pull him closer to himself so that Taehyung’s head could rest on his chest.

“I’m so sorry, Tae”, he whispered into his hair, pressing a light kiss to Taehyung’s hair as he squeezed him comfortingly.

“It’s okay”, Taehyung whispered back, nuzzling slightly into Jeongguk’s chest, the scent of fresh laundry coming from his black hoodie and he closed his eyes briefly, inhaling the scent lightly. “I mean… I go to therapy since quite some time and I’ve been living with my aunt until I turned 18. It could’ve turned out way worse.”

“I hope you’re doing okay… in the circumstances”, Jeongguk said after a beat of silence, his warm breath fanning over the side of Taehyung’s face. He was so close.

“Yeah I- I’m managing”, he breathed out, swallowing. He could tell Jeongguk more about the pain, the guilt, the panic attacks, the nightmares. But he didn’t want to freak him out and scare him off, at worst. It had been too long since someone had shown genuine interest for him and he didn’t want to lose the chance of getting comforted, of feeling loved on a deeper basis than friendship could provide.

“You’re so strong. A survivor”, Jeongguk told him and by the sound of his voice, Taehyung knew that he meant it. He didn’t say anything in return, just leaned a little closer to Jeongguk. When he was slowly looking up at the other, Jeongguk was already looking at him, his dark eyes warm and his rosy lips looking soft in the fairy lights that they had switched on. When their gazes connected, Taehyung felt goosebumps rise on his clammy skin and the feeling of anxiety-the good kind- intensified when Jeongguk slowly leaned down.

Their lips touched for a few seconds, a very slow and soft kiss that made Taehyung’s fingertips tingle before Jeongguk pulled away again.

“I’m sorry I-“, he rushed to apologize, but Taehyung shook his head, cutting off his words that way.

“No”, he whispered, staring up at Jeongguk, almost feeling hypnotized by the darkness in his eyes. “Don’t be.”

Jeongguk’s lips stretched into a wry smile and Taehyung was melting away, his limbs feeling like they didn’t even belong to his body, as if they were completely disconnected from him. He leaned upwards again, connecting their lips a second time, this time longer and with more purpose. Their soft lips moved in a gentle rhythm against each other, Jeongguk’s arms holding him tightly but not too tight, one of his hands coming up to cup Taehyung’s cheek gently.

When they separated again, Taehyung felt sleepy, drained from the day and with a small pout, he slid down Jeongguk’s body, his head resting on his chest. Jeongguk’s fingers carded through his hair as Taehyung nuzzled into him, the other’s scent wafting around him as his eyes slowly fell shut.

“Sorry, ‘m sleepy”, he whispered, almost unintelligible and Jeongguk chuckled lightly, brushing a hair strand out of the sleepy boy’s face gently. Everything became fuzzy and sleep was quickly enveloping Taehyung from all sides like cotton wool.

“Don’t worry, you can just sleep”, Jeongguk rasped back, his voice already sounding so far away even though he could distinctly feel the boy’s lips brush against the shell of his ear as he was leaning far down to whisper to him. Somewhere in the distance, the faint sound of fluttering butterfly wings reached Taehyung’s ears.  

“I’ll watch you.”

---

🎵 In Antarctic Night- Ugasanie

The darkness behind Taehyung’s eyelids was mildly terrifying as he slowly gained consciousness again.

There were shadows dancing in front of his eyes, the darkness becoming blurry and crawling under his skin until his eyes were burning and he pried them open, just to be greeted with even more endless blackness.

“Jeongguk?”, he whispered. His skin was cold, shivers dancing down his spine as his clammy hand slid over empty, cold blankets and pillows with no trace of the boy he had fallen asleep with. Instantly, he felt himself missing the warmth and scent of Jeongguk and in his sleep-hazy mind, he didn’t understand where the other was and why he had left him here, alone in the darkness.

Taehyung fumbled for the light switch of the little lamp on his bedside table, mild panic bubbling up inside of himself. Jeongguk must have switched off the fairy lights without knowing that Taehyung didn’t like to sleep in darkness.

A certain panic was beginning to bloom inside of his chest as suddenly, a rustling sound reached his ears. Halting in his movements, Taehyung listened to the sound, trying to locate it, but it seemed to come from everywhere until it suddenly just stopped.

A cruel sense of déjà-vu crawled down his spine as he held his breath and strained his ears to catch any sound in his room, but there was none. Maybe Jeongguk had somehow wandered to the end of the bed in his sleep and was just sleeping out of Taehyung’s reach? There was no other explanation for it, Taehyung knew that it had to be that way.

Ghosts didn’t exist. Demons didn’t exist. Supernatural beings and creatures didn’t exist. The darkness didn’t have eyes.

With newfound confidence, Taehyung reached for the light switch again, his fingers scurrying over the smooth wood of his bedside table, fumbling for the lamp. And then, his fingers touched something. Something cold. Fingers. A hand.

The darkness had hands. The darkness had cold, motionless hands.

Terrified, Taehyung pulled away his own hand and hid his body under the covers in lightspeed, his heart racing in his throat as he lay in complete darkness, his eyes tightly shut. He was preparing to die, he would die- fuck he would-

There was something. There was something in his room, standing next to his bed and it was watching him. Taehyung was sure.

He lay under the covers for endless minutes, his breath heavy as he tried to conceal it as best as he could. He was sure he would lie here for long, torturing hours until he would awake from this nightmare like he had the last time.

Then, the door creaked open.

Taehyung bit his lip so hard that the metallic taste of blood was in his mouth, refusing to open his eyes to look at what lurked in the hallway until he realized that nothing would come in. No, something went out. Something scurried out of his room, quick like a rat as it fled down the hallway.

The barest hint of light could be seen from the hallway when Taehyung slowly opened his eyes and gazed into the void darkness. He didn’t know how to think, only knew naked panic from the knowledge that he had slept peacefully with something watching him the whole time, breathing down his neck.  But whatever it was, it was out of his room now, right?

Rationally, Taehyung knew that it could return any moment, that it could creep through the hallway back to his room and look through the gap of the nearly shut door. It was so dark in the hallway that Taehyung wouldn’t even be able to notice. He would just sleep on obliviously while it stared through the darkness, watching him sleep.

Fuck. He had to- he had to close the door.

Taehyung shook his head frantically at his own thoughts, not wanting for the life of him stand up and leave the warm safety of his covers. But he had to, he had to so that he could sleep peacefully and escape this literal nightmare.

He needed at least five minutes to calm himself down enough and tell himself that it was just a dream anyways, that this wasn’t real and that he wouldn’t really die if he died in here. Whatever would happen, it wasn’t real.

“It’s not real”, Taehyung whispered to himself, his words muffled by the covers he had pulled up to under his nose.

His clammy feet brushed over the carpet as he stood on shaky knees, half stumbling over to the door of his room with terror burning in his throat that nearly drove him to insanity. Half of the way he had behind himself already, just a few more meters to his door. His fingers were extended to grasp the handle, cold metal sending chills down his neck. Only a few centimeters, only a push and then the door would close, shut out whatever was lurking in the hallways. Just a few millimeters now, just-

He froze.

There was a sound.

There was something.

There was something calling him.

“Taehyung”

His name. There was something calling his name.

Taehyung let out a shaky breath, his hand grasping the door handle so tightly that his knuckles were protruding in pale white from under his skin as if they wanted to escape his flesh.

“Taehyung”

This voice. He knew this voice.

Jimin. Jimin was calling him. From somewhere. From outside of his room. From where the thing was hiding.

“Taehyung”

Jimin sounded desperate, frustrated, scared.

Jimin- Jimin needed him, he needed his help, fuck what if it hurt him, what if he-

Before Taehyung could think any further, he had already opened the door, staring out into the dark hallway. The light he had seen earlier came faintly from the living room, blurry like underwater. Hypnotized, Taehyung stared outside, his eyes blank and unfocused from the fear gripping his heart. It wasn’t only Jimin calling him now, from the living room.  

The void was calling him too. The darkness was extending its hands for him to grasp, was calling out for him.

Other than in his previous dream, the hallway lay silent as he walked through it slowly. No weird reflection in the mirror, no creaking footsteps apart from his own. Just eerie silence and the uncanniness of dark corners and crevices that could hide whatever didn’t want to be seen.

“Taehyung”

He reached the living room and with shaky fingers, he gripped the doorframe to ground himself for the sight that would greet him if he looked inside.

The light came from the TV that had been turned on, the screen frizzling with black and white dots, sending dancing shadows into the empty darkness of the room. Taehyung scanned what he could see from the room, but there was nothing.

Jimin wasn’t here. Jimin wasn’t here.

But what had called him then.

A cold shudder gripped Taehyung’s body, his breath uneven and labored by now from the terrifying, paralyzing fear and panic.

Then, a rustling sound reached his ears, similar to what he had heard back in his room, from the thing that had watched him sleep. He strained his ears for the sound, but it was silent again. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t-

The silence stretched on for a few minutes in which Taehyung was on the brink of dying, standing stock still in the doorway, not daring to step further into the room but too afraid to turn around and walk back to his room. What if something was standing behind him? What if something was crouching at the end of the hallway? What if something had crawled into his room behind his back while he had been standing here?    

Taehyung could feel his lungs draw tight, not letting in enough air as he strained his ears to pick up the sound again, too afraid to do anything at all. Then he heard it again. Very faint but definitely there.

Slowly, Taehyung opened his eyes that he hadn’t even realized he had closed, the movement of his heavy lids scrapy over his eyeballs. He could feel his heart pound loudly in his throat, blood rushing through his ears as the rustling sound returned. And this time, he was able to locate it. There was something blocked from his view, sitting behind the couch in front of the TV.

Fuck. Fuck, he would die. He was sure of it this time.

Nonetheless, he took a step forward. If he was going to die, he at least wanted to know what would kill him. The soles of his feet hurt as they dragged over the soft carpet, his hands quivering with fear as he stepped closer.

Taehyung’s eyes fell onto a hunched figure sitting on the floor in the middle of the room where it previously had been obscured by the couch. He could feel the blood freeze in his veins as he stared at the figure, unmoving, unbreathing, unblinking. It just sat there, stone silent with its back to Taehyung. The dancing light of the glitching TV caught on the bones of its spine protruding from leathery skin.

Very slowly, Taehyung stepped forward just the slightest bit as he didn’t let his eyes stray from the weird figure crouching on the floor, the limbs weirdly distorted. He knew it was stupid, he knew it was unreasonable but the figure hunched there was like a black hole, a cave calling for someone to explore it so that it could nourish from their decaying bodies after they got stuck in the many crevices and holes with no way to reach the surface of daylight anymore.  

Goosebumps spread all over his clammy skin and he winced at the thought of the sound of his hairs lifting from his skin resonating in the ears of the creature. He let out a silent breath, the figure still not moving an inch.

Taehyung stayed in this position for at least five minutes, but neither him nor the creature moved, though he was sure it could feel his presence, his eyes on its back. Did it- did it even have eyes? What if this wasn’t even its back but it’s front and it stared back at him through eyes he couldn’t see, black and void but sinister still.

Even though everything inside of himself screamed at him not to do this, Taehyung very slowly neared the thing. He stared at it, but it stayed unmoving as if formed out of stone.

Taehyung took in a deep breath. He could do this. It probably was just a dream. It was like in all those cliché horror movies. As soon as he would touch it, it would jump on him, he would get a heart attack and then he would wake up. He would be traumatized for the rest of his life but at least he wouldn’t have to stay in this nightmare any longer.

So he scraped all his bravery together and slowly began to walk towards the inhumanely skinny creature crouching on the ground, half obscured by the darkness of the night. The carpet sounded loud under the naked soles of his feet and he winced, moving faster before the creature would turn around first. The closer he got, the faster his heart pounded in his ribcage and he was sure he would die of a heart attack here and now, his fingers trembling as much as his breath. 

The creature’s protruding bones stretching its thin skin taut were even more noticeable up close, but the fact that it really didn’t seem to breathe was even more terrifying. It had no hairs on its wrinkly skin and Taehyung could feel his stomach churn at the thought of touching it.

Tentatively, the boy lifted one hand as he was so close that he could see every wrinkle in the creature’s skin, his index finger extended as he slowly reached for its shoulder, his breath caught in his chest. Its skin felt cold under the tip of his finger and Taehyung stared at it with wide eyes, waiting for it to pounce onto him, but instead… Instead, it stayed perfectly still.

His finger was still touching it, but it felt more like a doll than an actual living being. Quickly, he withdrew his hand, terror gripping him as he realized with dread that this thing… wasn’t alive. At least it didn’t look like it was. He didn’t want to check its face to be sure, though, too terrified of what he would see.

He was just about to turn around and just leave this thing here to return to his room, already halfway turned around as he heard the rustling sound again. He froze.

In his peripheral vision, he could see the creature move, just an inch, creating the rustling sound. It was in this moment that Taehyung wanted to scream because it was turning. It was turning around.

Terrified, he began to tremble even more, still frozen in the movement to turn around which was why he could see the thing only in the very far corner of his eye. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck-

Ever so slowly, Taehyung turned his head. The vertebras in his neck ached with the straining movement as the boy tried to get a better look at the thing without alerting it of his presence.

The creature itself turned around too, just a lot slower than Taehyung and the rustling sound its skin made with its movement rang in his ears. His pajama shirt clung to his chest from the excessive sweat his body was producing in his fear.

The creature’s neck appeared in Taehyung’s vision, long and bony, then the side of its face. It was so slow, fuck, it moved so slow- His breath shuddered. It was almost completely turned towards him now.

And then it looked at him.   

Taehyung felt whatever sanity had been left inside of him slip from his hands like sand through fingers as he realized. It had no face. It had no fucking face.

It just stared at him with blank, naked flesh where normally features like the eyes and the nose would be located. Nothing.

Terrified, Taehyung stared back at it, at the void, which was so much more terrifying than anything he would have expected. His heart pumped so fast he felt himself get dizzy and he couldn’t move, fuck, he couldn’t-

Suddenly, the creature tilted its head to the side, just the slightest bit and Taehyung forgot how to breathe. His eyes were drawn to a movement on the lower half of its featureless face, a very small slit beginning to form there as if someone was carving it into the thing’s flesh. He was hypnotized by it, couldn’t look away.

It opened its newly formed mouth.

“Taehyung”

He froze. The voice, he knew- he knew this voice, he-

It sounded coarse, as if it had swallowed nails that had shredded its vocal cords into pieces. An ugly gurgling sound accompanied the otherworldly voice and Taehyung- Taehyung could only stare in complete and utter terror as the creature’s thin lips moved and formed his name over and over again while the voice of his drowning mother came from somewhere deep inside its throat.

“Taehyung”

Taehyung shook his head, completely in shock, his wide eyes watering as he was staring at the thing yelling his name with this horribly familiar, gurgling, drowning voice and it penetrated his ear drums so deeply that he felt like he would go insane from it.

“Taehyung”, the creature screamed desperately again, water gurgling up from its throat and spilling over the thin slit of its mouth, behind its face nothing but darkness. He could feel the cold water splash onto his face from where the thing choked on it while simultaneously imitating his mother’s last cries over and over and over again.

Hot tears slid down his cheeks as Taehyung shook his head, desperately crawling away from the thing screaming at him where he had stumbled and fallen, the water spilling out of its mouth forming a puddle under its bony hands that supported its weight on the floor. Then, it began to crawl after him, invisible eyes staring at him.

He let out another scream as the creature reached for his ankle and clawed at his skin, desperate gurgling sobs in his mother’s voice coming from its throat.

“Taehyung”

Its face moved, began to crawl like a thousand ants as horrible bloated features sculpted themselves from its naked flesh, a swollen eye, the other only half opened, the lopsided iris of his mother’s eye shifting around and staring into nothing before focusing on him.

Taehyung was terrified, so afraid, he couldn’t-

The decayed, bloated face of the drowned corpse of his mother appeared in front of him, dirty, soaked shreds of the blanket where his baby brother had been tucked into in her arms hanging from the bony fingers that were grasping at him desperately. And the gurgling, the terrible, horrible gurgling sound of her drowning screams. It tore his mind apart.

“Taehyung”

“Taehyung”

“Taehyung”

He woke.

He felt like dying, his heart hammering in his chest, his mouth and lips feeling dry from his heavy panting as he clasped at his throat and chest, hair strands clinging to his forehead.

Even though he was terrified of touching the cold hand of the thing again, Taehyung reached for the light switch of his bedside table lamp and switched it on.

As warm light flooded the room and he realized that there was nothing but furniture illuminated by it, he relaxed slightly, though his mind was still hazy with the adrenaline rushing through his system.

“Fuck”, he whispered, tangling his hands in his sweaty hair before his eyes shifted to Jeongguk’s figure lying in bed next to him, oblivious to the terror of Taehyung’s nightmare. His chest rose and fell evenly, little puffs of breath leaving his lips.

“Jeongguk?”, Taehyung whispered anxiously but got no answer. With his mind still all over the place, he leaned over Jeongguk’s sleeping form, observing his relaxed face. He was asleep.

Taehyung tugged his shirt off his sweaty chest and wiped himself down with it before throwing it onto the floor. He was physically exhausted from the high level of stress and the ebbing scream of a drowning voice in his consciousness. In an attempt to calm himself down, the boy scooted over to Jeongguk and wrapped himself around him like a koala, his shaking fingers interlacing with Jeongguk’s lax ones.

After a few hours that felt like eternity, he began to get sleepy, his mind shoving away the terror of the night to get some rest. Just as he was about to fall asleep, already on the brink of drifting away, he felt Jeongguk’s fingers squeeze his own. And then he passed out.