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“What if,” Sero started. “We just, like. Did normal things. Just once. Instead of whatever the fuck this is.”
“Lame.” Kaminari said from the ceiling. He did not know how he got there. Nobody did. It was too late to question it.
“What do you take us for? Normies?” Ashido snorted. “I doubt anybody here even knows what these so-called “normal things” are.” This was a valid point, seeing as she was somehow sitting balanced on top of the T.V.
“Hold on! Watching movies is normal! And we do that, sometimes!” Kirishima exclaimed.
“Sleeping is normal. Which you guys never let me do.” complained Shinsou from his blanket/cocoon monstrosity. The common room didn’t even have that many blankets. Kaminari blew a raspberry at him, lost his grip on the ceiling, and fell on top of the pile of Shinsou. Shinsou screeched.
“I feel like, compared to the other stuff we’ve done, this is pretty tame,” Jirou mused. “Or maybe that’s just because nothing is on fire, yet.”
“Do you want me to fix that?” asked Todoroki.
“I thought I told you that you weren’t allowed to speak for the rest of the night, you Icyhot fuck.” growled Bakugou.
“It’s midnight.” The ice user pointed out. Bakugou had sent him to the corner of the room for “disturbing his goddamn peace.” The confused boy still didn’t know what he meant by that, but he didn’t want to risk losing food privileges, so he went with it. However, he now craved cuddles and needed to be among the others for that.
“What’s your goddamn point?”
“Bakubro,” chided Kirishima. “It is technically no longer night and Todobroski should be allowed to speak. He said sorry, didn’t he?”
“I did,” nodded the ice user. “But I shall repeat myself, if necessary. Katsuki, I am very sorry for saying that in another universe, instead of fingernails we have finger hairs and that-“
“OH MY GOD, SHUT UP! I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR YOUR FUCKING WEIRD-ASS THEORIES ABOUT THE KERATIN IN OUR BODIES!”
“That didn’t sound very forgiving, Kats.” smirked Shinsou. Everybody respectfully looked away from Shinsou's pile, where the remains of Kaminari could vaguely be made out.
“Do you want to try again?” Jirou called from underneath the couch. “We can wait. Take your time.”
Ashido cackled. She was now standing on the T.V. and appeared to be trying to do the cotton-eyed joe.
“I’m going to slaughter everybody in this room.” declared the explosive boy.
“Dibs on being first.” sighed Sero.
“Not if I can help it,” murmured Tokoyami. Everybody screamed (excluding Todoroki, who was thinking about human affection and how to best initiate it, and Bakugou, who screeched on the inside but maintained an excellent poker face).
“Oh, hey! You’re awake! That was terrifying!” Kaminari grinned. He had left Shinsou’s nest and was now being smothered by Jirou, who he had accidentally crushed under the sofa.
“Darkness has fallen and I am in my prime,” the bird-headed boy said. “Also, I was hungry.”
“Am I allowed to come back yet?” piped up Todoroki. Bakugou snarled as everybody else nodded. The red and white-haired boy walked over to Bakugou, the only one in a relatively normal position on the couch, and immediately enveloped him in a hug. While the explosion user attempted to reboot his brain and regain cognitive function, the rest of the squad discreetly exchanged money. Kirishima and Tokoyami looked very pleased while Kaminari grumbled from underneath Jirou about “over-confident pretty boys.”
“Wait, Kacchan, how are you even still awake? Aren’t your old man bones-“
“Finish that sentence, Sparky, and I’ll deep fry your toe nails.”
“Oh,” drawled Jirou. “Is it time for Bakugou’s increasingly disturbing threats? Those are always fun.”
“I like when he brings up the eldritch beings of the void.” nodded Tokoyami. He had acquired a loaf of bread. He and Dark Shadow were now eating it in very small bits (Why wasn’t the bread sliced? They didn’t even buy bread like that, where did he-)
“Do you guys want to watch ‘Killer Klowns from Outer Space’ next?” asked Ashido. Kirishima had managed to drag her down from the T.V. but now she was perched on one of his shoulders. They were both on the floor, though, so no substantial damage could be acquired. Probably.
"How did you say the "Klowns" alou-"
“Wait,” Todoroki said, lifting his head from Bakugou’s shoulder. “We have to watch ‘Legally Blonde’ first, because Kaminari told me it was illegal to not have watched it before.”
“I stand by what I said. Elle Woods is the representation all blondes need, am I right, Kacchan?” Kaminari, who was finally sitting in front of the couch like a civilized human, raised his hand for a fist bump. Bakugou grunted and reluctantly acquiesced. Kaminari proceeded to choke on his own saliva, like the caveman he actually was. The explosion user grimaced.
“He was joking, Todobro," clarified Kirishima. "But he’s also 100% right and we need to watch it right now,” He pushed Ashido off his shoulder, who fell onto Shinsou. Shinsou screeched, though this time he had Ashido harmonizing with a screech of her own.
"How did you say % aloud, that's a symb-"
“I actually own 'Legally Blonde' on YouTube. Let me grab my computer real quick.” said Sero. The tape user, who was so glad that the night (morning?) was finally progressing in a relatively usual way now, ran to his dorm to grab his laptop. The rest of the group got comfortable, as they prepared to watch the historic and ancient film. Kaminari burrowed into Shinsou’s blanket nest, Jirou and Tokoyami grabbed snacks and sat down in front of the sofa, Kirishima sat down next to his Bakubro, who was glowing bright red as Todoroki snuggled into him to absorb more warmth. When Sero came back down and saw his squad comfortably situated and ready for the movie, his heart warmed. He decided that “normal” was subjective anyway. For the Bakusquad, this was normal. And nothing would change that.
~~~
When the rest of Class 2A came down the next morning, they were shocked, to say the least.
Shinsou, who was covered in blankets in an Aizawa-esque manner, was taped to the wall. “Heretic” was scrawled against his forehead in red ink. Jirou sat in front of him with her eyes wide open and snored.
Ashido was curled up on the table where the T.V. usually stood. The T.V. was nowhere to be seen. When asked later, the whole group would swear that the broken window and the charred bits of T.V. underneath it were a complete coincidence.
Tokoyami was sound asleep on a one-inch layer of hot pink popcorn. Dark Shadow was awake and was steadily eating their way through the kernels.
Kirishima, who now had blonde tips (Who authorized that? Who thought that was a good idea, it's not-), was dressed in torn leopard-print yoga pants and was shirtless. He was face down on the ground and was t-posing.
Both of the couches were taped to the ceiling, a wonder in and of itself. On one of them, slept Kaminari and Sero. The lightning user was wearing crooked spectacles and a pink suit. One of his feet was wearing a stiletto. The other stiletto was situated on his head. Sero was wearing a green blazer over All Might themed pajamas. He was dangerously close to the edge of the sofa, though it was doubtful he’d fall off since he was haphazardly taped to the couch.
On the other sofa, slept Bakugou and Todoroki. The blonde’s face was covered in red lipstick. On his head sat a crown. The only other thing he had on was a pink miniskirt, though “Are we having fun yet?” was scribbled across his torso in lipstick. He was being spooned by Todoroki, whose hair was messily pushed back and looked like Pepto Bismol. The fire and ice user was also wearing a crown, though his was visibly melted in some parts.
The rest of the class stared at the scene before them. They stared at the scorch marks on the floor. The blotches of hot pink paint and bleach on the walls. The group of children in the epicenter of the whole mess. This is how Aizawa found them when he entered the dorms.
“I’m- I’m not even going to ask."
The rest of the class found themselves agreeing with this sentiment.