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Chapter Text

Wang Yibo watched Xiao Zhan from across the Day Day Up set. Xiao Zhan had arrived a few minutes earlier with the other members of X-9, and was greeting the DDU team in preparation for the show. Yibo’s vision was locked on Xiao Zhan; he was lost in space and time, captivated —

Xiao Zhan’s pink lips parting, laughing, his head and shoulders tumbling, bowing, his eyes bright, sparkling —

His eyes —

Yibo’s muscles wanted to move, to stride over, to put himself right in front of that dazzling gaze. But he remained frozen on the spot, paralysis binding him tighter and tighter with each half thought —

so warm
what would I
so beautiful

Dancing! I’m good at dancing maybe he will —

By the time the cameras were rolling, Yibo's muscles had fallen into compliance with their years of professionalism, carrying his unheeding body onto stage, pushing a few words out of his mouth, holding his face neutral — even as his head turned itself toward Xiao Zhan as though pulled by a new source of gravity.

“I’m Xiao Zhan from the boy group X-9. I’m a main vocalist in the group, and I’m also the ‘electric power generator’ of the group.”

Xiao Zhan winked, and across the stage a smile burst across Yibo’s face —

So beautiful
Shit, stop smiling, control yourself!

“Dance battle, Wang Yibo versus ......”

Relieved, Yibo began to dance, moving with intuition and strength. He finally felt in control — powerful, even. Throughout the constant changes and challenges in his life, this was what he could always return to — this is where he always knew himself, and what he could do. He channeled his energy into his freestyle, determined to show everyone else what he could do, too. When he stopped, he snuck a glance, and Xiao Zhan was indeed watching him, and Xiao Zhan was smiling.

Yibo soared on the spot, dizzy, curiously aware of the ground pressing up at his feet.

Yibo’s courage climbed so very high that after the filming ended, he asked his colleague to get Xiao Zhan’s WeChat for him. Yibo even messaged Xiao Zhan, and said Hello, and Xiao Zhan sent a friendly reply, and

Yibo could not think of a response. In an instant, he emptied, draining of words, of elations, of daring.

What do I say — Xiao Zhan, so handsome, so talented, so good —

Yibo collapsed, shyness and embarrassment flooding every corner of his mind.

He retreated, and started to follow his new idol from afar, watching Xiao Zhan’s performances, studying his Weibo posts, perking his ears to industry gossip. Yibo took selfies imitating Xiao Zhan’s photography; he imagined telling Xiao Zhan about his new skateboarding tricks; and when his costars teased him about girls, all he could imagine was Xiao Zhan standing by his side. 

Yibo finally grew impatient enough to message Xiao Zhan again, only to find that his number had changed. Yibo sprang into action, determined to track down Xiao Zhan’s new number, asking all of his costars, his UNIQ brothers, DDU crew members, his stylist, even the photographer on an ad shoot who’d worked with X-9 once. It took a couple of weeks, but eventually Yixuan got the number through a friend of a friend, and passed it back to Yibo.

Yibo waited until after an X-9 performance was broadcast, and then sent his message - your concert was great - with a Spider Man A-OK meme. Xiao Zhan responded with a polite thanks, and again, Yibo was at a loss. What could he possibly say to such an amazing person? Yibo knew what he wanted, but he had never felt so unsure of how to get there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nearly a year after Xiao Zhan’s appearance on DDU, Yibo heard a rumor that Xiao Zhan was being considered for the role of Wei Wuxian in Chen Qing Ling . It was an adaptation of a danmei webnovel  — larger celebrities wouldn’t touch it, even with a censored script. Yibo, of course, did not care, and he bugged his assistant until the script landed in his inbox.

Late in the night, Yibo stopped reading, and he stood, alone in his apartment. He drew himself tall, upright. He focused his energy inward, muscles contracting toward his spine, torso forming into a fortress around the secrets of Lan Wangji. He strode across the room, full of intent, layering suppressed passion into his movement.

Yibo was transfixed. He spun, swinging his arm out with an imaginary sword, and then leaped, landing a little heavier than he intended. The next leap was right, full of grace and urgency, and Yibo bounded around the room, launching his body again and again to land between Xiao Zhan and danger.

I could protect him.

Yibo selected his submission photos carefully, forcing Han-ge to scroll through hundreds of shots between DDU takes. Once satisfied with his photos — Yibo needed to look strong and serious — he sent his application to the CQL production team, and then he waited.

The same week that Xiao Zhan was officially announced for the role of Wei Wuxian, Yibo was rejected. He barely made it through the TTXS taping that day. Backstage Han-ge grabbed him, wrapping him in a bear hug as he cried with uncontrollable frustration. Han-ge’s comforting words could not touch the wild, rageful thoughts ripping through Yibo, how could I be so stupid, why didn’t I demand an audition, why would they ever look at me, why would Xiao Zhan look at me, I am a failure —

Mercifully, this storm was cut short two days later, with the arrival of unanticipated news: another actor had declined the role of Lan Wangji. Purpose flooded back into Yibo. He was immediately on the phone with his rep. “Tell them to look at me. Tell them to give me an audition.”

It worked.

Yibo flew out, auditioned, and was cast on the spot.

The next three weeks passed in a blur — Yibo bounced through his days giddy, not noticing the suppressed smiles playing across his colleagues’ faces. Yibo’s mind, always a loud and exciting place, had become a cataclysm, imaginings swirling of Xiao Zhan and swords and bravery and Xiao Zhan’s smile and battles and dance moves and Xiao Zhan likes Spongebob and Xiao Zhan’s laugh and Xiao Zhan’s eyes and Xiao Zhan fainting in my arms oh no touching Xiao Zhan Xiao Zhan so smart Xiao Zhan so pretty Xiao Zhan Xiao Zhan will he like me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the morning of the first script read, Yibo awoke in full throttle dread. His limbs coursed with terror as he forced himself to dress and walk out the door — food did not even cross his mind. Yibo’s driver chatted in an upbeat and friendly manner, but his tone softened when he noticed Yibo’s petrified face in the rearview mirror. “A good-looking guy like you, you’re going to do great. New projects are scary at first, but you’ll get into the rhythm of it. Today’s the first script read? Yes, all you have to do is follow along, you’ll be okay.”

“Right.” Yibo barely nodded.

In the canteen, Yibo stood to the side, frozen, staring blankly ahead, terrified of even the possibility of catching Xiao Zhan’s eye. Despite Yibo’s caution, suddenly, Xiao Zhan was directly ahead of him, walking toward him much too quickly. Yibo’s body wanted to flee, but there was nowhere to go. Yibo took a quick breath, willing his face steady.

Xiao Zhan came up to him with a slight bow of his head. He smiled, his eyes light, and he gave a nervous laugh. “Hello! Wang Yibo, right? I think we met on Day Day Up a while back? Uh, so, we’ll be working together.”

“I’m playing Lan Wangji.”

Xiao Zhan’s eyes crinkled; his laugh became more mirthful. “Yes, I know. I’m Wei Wuxian. I’m looking forward to working together. Is this your first historical drama?”

As Yibo answered, something inside of him gave. His posture remained alert, but a glow set into his body. He knew. He was safe with this man.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the first few days of pre-film training, Yibo learned a rapid lesson in the difference between the imagination of a person and the reality of them. Somehow, Xiao Zhan was so much better, and more real, and more hard-working, and more kind, and more handsome, than Yibo had been able to conceive. And Xiao Zhan was paying attention to him.

Yibo began the third day, as always, bound quiet in sheer awe. The morning training focused on fighting technique. Yibo felt his muscles jump as he watched the demonstrations; he was excited to learn new ways of moving. As soon as they began practicing, his body flew into motion, strong and in control. It was a huge relief to feel good at something. The trainer seemed pleased with Yibo’s performance.

Nearby, Xiao Zhan threw himself into the training. Yibo knew that Xiao Zhan had only started dancing a few years ago, and it was taking him more work to master the movements. But Xiao Zhan was dogged, asking the trainer for feedback, incorporating every suggestion, and attempting the moves again and again. A break was called, but Xiao Zhan kept practicing. Yibo couldn’t help but watch as Xiao Zhan jumped, spun, and thrust his arm, repeating the sequence with deep concentration until finally the trainer came over to him and said a few words, too quiet for Yibo to hear. Xiao Zhan nodded to the trainer, a smile flashing onto his face.

The room had mostly cleared by then, and Xiao Zhan glanced around. He caught sight of Yibo standing near the wall, and his face brightened even more.

“Wang Yibo!” he shouted, as he began to walk over. “You’re so good, you mastered those moves like nothing — you’re really talented!”

Yibo smiled, but his face felt unusually hot. He jumped to respond, his words rushing together, “You’re really good too, the instructor likes you, your movements were getting really good.”

Xiao Zhan laughed, momentarily flustered, but a second later he had composed himself and was shooting back, “Not nearly as much as he likes you! Wang Yibo, you’re a rare talent.”

Yibo could not stop the gleeful smile covering his face. Xiao Zhan continued, “Let’s go find a snack — I’m so hungry.”

“I don’t eat snacks,” Yibo explained, as Xiao Zhan began to walk toward the canteen. Xiao Zhan laughed loudly.

“Wang Yibo, you don’t eat snacks? How do you keep up your energy? You are too good and disciplined. Come watch me eat then.”

Yibo could have come apart on the spot. His ears were burning, his heart was racing, his muscles felt strangely uncoordinated. He pressed his lips together, afraid to say the wrong words and break the spell, and he closely followed Xiao Zhan into the canteen.

Xiao Zhan looked around until he found his water bottle and a bag of potato chips, and he sat down at a table, Yibo following behind him. The room was loud with the chatter of actors excitedly forming new relationships. For a few minutes Xiao Zhan was silent, taking in the energy of the room, opening the bag, and carefully placing chips in his mouth one by one. Yibo stared with his mouth slightly open, mesmerized by the delicate movements of Xiao Zhan’s hands and mouth.

Xiao Zhan’s attention returned to Yibo, and he squirmed, smiling. “Wang Yibo, are you hungry? Eat some of these chips.”

“Okay,” Yibo said, grabbing a handful and shoving them in his mouth.

Xiao Zhan’s eyes widened and he laughed louder. “You don’t eat snacks, I see. I should have gotten two bags.”

Yibo immediately jumped up, “I’ll get another.” He went over to the snack table, but couldn’t find any more chips. He froze in indecision. What does Xiao Zhan want?? Why don't I know what Xiao Zhan wants??  He finally took the only sensible course of action, grabbing three different snacks, and striding back to Xiao Zhan.

“I wasn’t sure which one you’d like,” he said. Xiao Zhan’s mouth fell open in surprise, and then he started giggling.

Yibo was unsure of how to respond, but his mouth seemed to be pressing itself into a nervous smile. “If you tell me which one you want, I will take back the other two.” He wrung his hands slightly as he waited for a response.

Xiao Zhan looked up at Yibo, still laughing, and he grabbed Yibo’s wrist and pulled him to sit in the chair. “These are great. I’m famished.”

Yibo’s wrist seared from Xiao Zhan’s momentary touch, shooting energy through his whole body. He beamed. He’d chosen right. He opened a new package, finding some cookies inside. Yibo noticed Xiao Zhan glance at the cookies, and he immediately shoved the package into Xiao Zhan’s free hand. “These are for you.”

Xiao Zhan glanced at Yibo and laughed. He picked up a cookie and began nibbling on it. “Have you heard what food nearby is good? I want to try stuff while we’re here.”

Yibo shook his head, but then a memory popped up. “On Day Day Up one time they brought us mei xian cai gen from Shaoxing—”

Xiao Zhan laughed. “Oh wow, what was it like?”

“—and they also had us try scorpions. They were crunchy.”

Xiao Zhan gasped. “Wow! Yibo! You ate scorpions?”

Yibo nodded, feeling a little sick at the memory.

“You’re brave Wang Yibo!”

Yibo felt his chest broaden — he was never afraid of a challenge. “You should try it.”

Xiao Zhan laughed and shook his head vigorously. “No no no. No thank you.”

Yibo was proud he impressed Xiao Zhan. He continued to hand Xiao Zhan snacks until their break time was called, and they walked together back to the training room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time their two weeks of training wrapped up, Xiao Zhan had become the center of Yibo’s existence. They weren’t always on set together - both were constantly flying in and out for various responsibilities. But on the happy days when they overlapped, Xiao Zhan was relentless in talking to Yibo, playing with him, hitting him with his prop sword - it was like the sun had decided to shine specifically on Yibo. Yibo was so thrilled it was almost overwhelming - sometimes his energy was so explosive he felt like he could jump out of his skin, though he tried not to show it. Xiao Zhan was here, and Xiao Zhan liked him, and Yibo desperately did not want to make the wrong move.

On the first day of filming, Yibo’s alarm didn't go off, and he came to consciousness with daylight filtering through his window. His mind slowly registered the sunlight, and then he flew out of bed in a panic. Yibo always handled his responsibilities - how could he start off filming like this? He ran to the makeup room (the scoldings were cut short by urgency), and then bolted to the Gusu set. As he ran toward the small crowd gathered in the filming location, he spotted Xiao Zhan talking with the director.

Xiao Zhan was stunning. With his hair pulled back from his face, the beauty of his huge eyes, striking cheekbones, and soft lips was blaring. His robes gave his tall, lanky body a flowing quality, and his animated, earnest expressions were exquisite beyond reckoning.

Yibo’s feet stumbled as he forgot to watch the ground, bringing him to an ungainly halt. The movement caught Xiao Zhan’s attention, and he glanced toward Yibo, shooting a quick smile from the corner of his eye, before returning his focus to the director.

Yibo felt a flood of heat go through his body, and completely uninvited, his dick stirred — 

Oh shit — Xiao Zhan — fuck — damn it

Not now — stop it! Look away, no, look at that building um — what did Seungyoun say — imagine our old manager — gross —

I can control myself, like Lan Wangji —

Fuck what are my lines

In his panic, Yibo pulled out his script and reread the scene twice. He forced himself to take a couple of deep breaths.

I’m in control.

Once Yibo got to the filming area and the cameras started rolling, it blessedly turned out not to be him who was making mistakes. First, the director realized he’d set their mark too far forward, and they had to start the scene over. Then, Xiao Zhan tripped when running and kneeling, and landed hard on his knees. Yibo’s arm twitched to reach out and help Xiao Zhan up, but he stopped himself.

A couple of takes later, they made it all the way until Lan Qiren flubbed his line, saying to Wei Wuxian, “....just because your mother was Lan Zhan—”

Incredibly, Xiao Zhan kept a completely straight face, delivering his next line as if nothing had happened. Yibo tried very hard to match his composure, but it was a losing battle. The moment the director cut, Yibo burst with laughter, collapsing toward Xiao Zhan.

Yibo, Wei Wuxian’s mother! Imagine!

Xiao Zhan laughed too, looking at Yibo, a gleam in his eyes.

In an instant, all the nerves of the morning were forgotten.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xiao Zhan wasn’t always this cheerful. Yibo noticed the toll their breakneck schedule took on him — sometimes Xiao Zhan was falling down in exhaustion. It worried Yibo, but oddly, Xiao Zhan seemed at least as worried about how hard Yibo worked. Yibo dismissed the concerns — he’d been working hours like this since he was a teenager; obviously he could handle it. 

Yibo started bringing snacks to set every day to try to make sure Xiao Zhan was eating — it was distressing to watch how Xiao Zhan picked at his food, especially when he was wilting in the heat, which was almost always now that the summer season was setting in.

Yibo loved figuring out what Xiao Zhan liked — the type of cookies, the brand of chips, the flavor of smoothies from a nearby vendor. It had always been annoying to Yibo to try to figure out what people wanted from him, but with Xiao Zhan, he kept getting it right.

Well, almost.

By a few days into shooting, Yibo’s hesitation was completely gone. Yibo felt gleefully free with Xiao Zhan — he didn’t have to watch himself with Xiao Zhan the way he did with other people. Xiao Zhan laughed at Yibo’s puns, and shouted with him across set, and burst into spontaneous song between takes, and actually paid attention to the details when Yibo explained motorcycles. Xiao Zhan was constantly creating games to pass the time, and soon they were embroiled in an ongoing warfare, hitting each other, pinching each other, attacking with swords and sleeves — everything was fair game. Even better were their compliment battles. Yibo’s favorite way to win was when Xiao Zhan couldn’t reply because he was giggling so hard that he looked like he was drowning. God that was satisfying.

But sometimes Xiao Zhan would turn cold, suddenly not talk to Yibo, or shake his head at Yibo’s advances. These little rejections were jarring; Yibo had no idea what he’d done wrong. He urgently wanted to fix whatever the problem was.

“Zhan-ge. Xiao Laoshi. Xiao Zhan!” he found himself saying one afternoon. Yibo sat next to Xiao Zhan, poking his arm again and again. “Zhan-ge.”

Xiao Zhan barely shook his head, his face stony, rolling his eyes for the benefit of a non-existent audience.

Xiao Zhan had been acting weird ever since lunch, and it was driving Yibo crazy.

“Ge. Zhan-ge. Stop ignoring me!”

Xiao Zhan shook his head again, but this time he lowered his head and closed his eyes. His shoulders lifted and fell in a small sigh.

“Zhan-ge,” Yibo pounced on the opening. “Why are you upset? What did I do? I’m sorry!”

Xiao Zhan’s face was inscrutable. He took another breath, and then mumbled, barely audible. “That thing you said, that I’m too skinny....”

Relief flooded Yibo’s body, oh was that all, he could fix this, “Zhan-ge, that’s not what I meant! I didn’t mean that you’re too skinny, you’re perfect, you’re beautiful, you’re always beautiful no matter what, you’re the most beautiful — I was only saying that you’re not eating enough — but Zhan-ge,” Yibo was tripping over himself in his need to make Xiao Zhan understand, “you’re perfect, you’re always perfect, I could never say anything about how you look, that’s not what I meant, because you’re so beautiful, you’ll always be the most beautiful.”

By the time Yibo finished, Xiao Zhan’s face had softened, and he was suppressing a small, secretive smile; he almost looked like he was blushing. He glanced toward Yibo with pleased eyes, and Yibo felt a wave of relief. He grinned; he’d made Xiao Zhan feel better!

The rest of the day went perfectly, Xiao Zhan laughing and smiling at Yibo at every chance. Xiao Zhan kept touching Yibo’s arm and ribbons and hair, sending shivers down Yibo’s spine. Yibo licked his lips, thrilled, trying very hard to focus and keep control of his body. It was intoxicating. The way Xiao Zhan looked at him, right there, yes, THAT look — that look was meant for Yibo. Yibo was getting more and more confident:

Zhan-ge likes me too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yibo was not a patient person. Once he had clarity, he saw no point in delaying action. And he was completely clear about Xiao Zhan.

With things going so well — Xiao Zhan touched Yibo’s shoulder FIVE TIMES while he was getting his makeup done today — Yibo was ready to confess. He just needed to find a moment when they could sneak away to be alone to talk.

Annoyingly, their schedules seemed set against Yibo’s plans. Over the next week, both Yibo and Xiao Zhan had to fly out for various responsibilities on opposite days. In the snatches of time they managed to overlap on set, the energy between them was electric, but they kept getting cut short.

Finally, they ended a long day of shooting with nowhere else to rush off to. Yibo was eager to seize the opportunity — he was tired of waiting.

They changed out of their costumes and wigs, Yibo finishing first (he always did; he’d spent so many years running between responsibilities). Yibo waited for Xiao Zhan outside the trailers, and when he emerged, Yibo grabbed his wrist and pulled him to walk toward a more secluded, tree-filled corner of the set. Xiao Zhan whined in tired protest, but he followed anyway.

Once Yibo was sure they were out of earshot of any lingering crew, he stopped walking, and faced Xiao Zhan, who had fallen quiet. In the dim light he could see Xiao Zhan’s eyes, gleaming and quizzical.

“Zhan-ge,” Yibo said. He felt a thrill of anticipation shoot through his body. The eagerness made his stomach jump. His words tumbled out in a rush, “I really like you. I want to be your boyfriend.”

Xiao Zhan’s mouth fell open. His eyes seemed to light up for a moment, but then his head began to shake. “Wang Yibo, are you crazy?”

huh?

“No! I’m serious. I want to date you.” 

Xiao Zhan was still shaking his head. “Yibo....do you even know me? We’ve only worked together a month!”

This was not what Yibo had expected. He felt an uncomfortable heat creeping up his neck. “Of course I know you! We met a year ago!”

Xiao Zhan smiled, and slapped Yibo’s arm. “We met a year ago, but we didn’t know each other. Lao Wang, it takes more than a month to learn a person!”

Yibo immediately struck back, his jaw jutting insistently. “I know you.”

Xiao Zhan winced and pouted. “There are a hundred things Lan Zhan doesn’t know about Wei Ying after 16 years, how does Wang Yibo know Xiao Zhan after a month?”

What did Lan Zhan have to do with anything?

Yibo hit him again. “I’m not Lan Zhan.”

“Ah, ah, not-Lan-Zhan is so shameless he keeps hitting his colleague,” Xiao Zhan teased.

This was maddening. “You hit me first!”

“Not-Lan-Zhan is so shameless he hits on his colleague. No respect for his gege.”

What the fuck was Xiao Zhan saying? Yibo had never respected anyone so much in his life.

“I respect you! Zhan-ge, I really want to date you.” Yibo’s whole body felt tense, sharp, a sting pricking his eyes.

Fuck. Keep it together!

“Bo-di,” Xiao Zhan whined. “You want to date me now but what about when you’re sick of me in a month?”

Impossible! Why didn’t Xiao Zhan understand? “I won’t get sick of you! I like you.”

Xiao Zhan raised his eyebrows. “How can you know? Have you ever even dated anyone?”

“Yes, of course.” Yibo drew himself taller; maybe now Xiao Zhan would listen.

Something shifted in Xiao Zhan’s face. “Who?”

“She was another Yuehua trainee.”

“How long ago?”

“Before debut.”

Xiao Zhan nearly caught Yibo unaware with another slap, but Yibo dodged at the last moment.

Xiao Zhan exclaimed, laughing, “Puppy love! Was that even dating? How long were you together?”

This teasing was too much. “Six months!”

“Six months! Yes, little Yibo knows everything about relationships.” Xiao Zhan’s taunting words were laced with giggles.

Yibo’s chest felt like it was going to explode. “Don’t make fun of me!”

Xiao Zhan’s laughter stopped, his expression freezing. He looked down and stood silently, hands worrying at the hem of his shirt, as an increasing number of seconds ticked by.

Yibo's stomach sank in the terrible silence.

“Zhan-ge?” Damn it, why was his voice cracking?

Finally, Xiao Zhan stammered, “Yibo, I'm — I'm not sure it’s a good idea. There’s our careers, and you’re a lot younger than me, and....” Xiao Zhan trailed off. His eyes glanced toward Yibo’s face, then skirted away.

Hot waves of shame crashed through Yibo — he’d been so sure. He felt unsteady, like the ground was slipping from beneath his feet.

“Zhan-ge, the age doesn’t matter." Yibo scrambled for purchase. "I had to grow up fast. I’m not too young, I’m responsible, we’re not that different.”

Xiao Zhan’s mouth was turned in a worried frown, his eyes were clouded.

Yibo pressed on, insistent. “I know lots of people in the industry who do this. It’s fine, no one will bother us.”

“Are they the leads in a boy’s love drama?” Xiao Zhan’s voice was low.

“It doesn’t matter!” Yibo felt tears about to spill from his eyes. He blinked fast to keep them at bay. “Zhan-ge, I thought you liked me too.”

The words fell into the space between them and hung in the air. Xiao Zhan’s eyebrows furrowed; his eyes glistened.

“I... I... Yibo it’s........ it’s not about.......”

Xiao Zhan blinked, and shook his head. He lifted his eyes and gazed at Yibo for several moments.

When he finally spoke, his voice was eerily steady. He spoke gently, cautiously. “Yibo, you’re important to me. I just.... I need some time to think.”

“Why ge?”

Xiao Zhan gave a small, tired smile. “Wang Laoshi is so impatient. Won’t you give an old man time to think?”

“You’re not old!” Yibo insisted, but Xiao Zhan didn’t respond.

“How much time do you need?”

Xiao Zhan shook his head. “Lao Wang, do you understand the meaning of patience? I can’t tell you the answer to a question I don’t know! Can Wang Yibo wait?” There was a hint of question in Xiao Zhan’s voice, but a moment later Xiao Zhan was punching him in the shoulder again. The sensation was familiar and reassuring, but it did little to loosen the knot in Yibo’s stomach.

“Zhan-ge,” Yibo was trying so hard. “You want me to give you time. That’s what you want?”

“Yes. You’re understanding me.”

Yibo didn’t understand at all, but he wanted to give Xiao Zhan what he needed. He could be patient, for Xiao Zhan.

Lan Zhan is patient. 

At first the thought was encouraging, but then a voice continued in Yibo’s head, Why aren’t you more patient like Lan Zhan? Maybe Xiao Zhan likes Lan Zhan, not you.

A spark of envy flashed through Yibo, bitter and sharp — how could he compare to that perfect, mature, impossibly restrained man?.

Yibo caught himself before his mind reeled, and stuffed the thoughts down with anger. Lan Zhan was not better than Yibo. Yibo would just have to show Xiao Zhan — I’m mature, I’m responsible, I can be as good a partner as Lan Zhan. He would prove it to Xiao Zhan; he would leave Xiao Zhan with no doubts that Yibo could be the man he needed.

Chapter Text

Xiao Zhan was dying in his thick black robes. The afternoon sun beat down on him, gathering heavy on the fabric, pushing through, boiling him alive. There was no escape. 

He currently hung in the air, suspended by wires and wrapped tightly by thick whips. He was resolutely ignoring the sweat gathering beneath his bindings and the ache in his back, and he wiggled slightly, testing his arms against the whips. He was truly immobilized. 

A slight shiver ran through his body.

Fuck. Focus, Xiao Zhan! Look at everyone counting on you.

He pushed all thoughts away and focused his eyes on Wen Chao, who was standing below him with a whip ready in his hand. The next second, Wen Chao lashed the whip at Lan Zhan’s legs, knocking him to the ground. Xiao Zhan filled with rage.

“Wen Chao! I am the one who called you out. Come at me if you can,” he shouted.

Who was Wen Chao to attack Lan Zhan? Who dared?

Wen Chao readily shifted his ire to Wei Wuxian, lashing his whip upwards, and Xiao Zhan flinched as he was struck by an imaginary blow to his abdomen. Before he could get his bearings, he saw the whip flying toward him again.

In a flash, Lan Zhan appeared before Wei Ying and caught the sharp whip mid-air. He stood with his hand tightly gripping the whip, balancing unevenly on his injured leg and heaving with breath, yet radiating a power and determination that sent another uninvited shiver down Xiao Zhan’s back.

Xiao Zhan dared not — Wei Ying dared not notice the feeling. Instead, he glared down at Wen Chao, emboldened by Lan Zhan’s presence. 

“Put him down,” Wen Chao ordered, sounding suddenly too at ease.

The wire released and Xiao Zhan fell to the ground, losing his bearings in one awful, gravity-less moment. He landed in a panic, his mind in a dread-filled scramble — they have the Yin Iron — what did they do to Lan Zhan — I have to stop them — what do I do??

Wei Ying crouched on the ground, barely registering a new barrage of taunting words coming from Wen Chao. He searched with panic for a strategy — a plan — something — anything — to hold onto. Something — Xiao Zhan’s awareness latched with urgency onto a single sensation — the pressure of Lan Zhan’s hand on his arm. Lan Zhan gripped so tight it hurt, so tight it seemed he never intended to let go, so tight it was as if he could stop every bad thing from happening through willpower alone. The pressure gave Wei Ying’s mind a jolt of clarity, and he snapped back into his wild bravado. He would not be cowed.

“Wen Chao, stop babbling,” Xiao Zhan cut his tormenter off mid-sentence, his voice light and careless. Wen Chao was no match for Wei Wuxian. He would be no match for Wei Wuxian.

He stood.

“Cut,” the director yelled. 

Xiao Zhan felt a split second of dizziness, like he had tripped mid-sprint and wasn’t sure where to land his feet back on the ground. He shook his head slightly, and his mind slid into a now familiar mantra — we’re filming a scene, I’m playing Wei Ying, I am Xiao Zhan — 

As he regained his bearings, he sensed Yibo’s gaze close on his face. They were waiting for the director to review the take, and they needed to stay in their exact positions so as to maintain the continuity of the shot. Yibo’s eyes were locked on him, focused, inescapable —

fuck it’s hot, I’m so hot —

Without averting his eyes for a single second, Yibo started swatting his sleeve at Xiao Zhan. Xiao Zhan sighed. He was too miserable to play, keyed up with adrenaline and edging toward heatstroke. He ignored the continual hits and tilted his head back. 

“Hot,” he complained.

A second later Yibo switched to waving his sleeves in Xiao Zhan’s face, creating a slight breeze with the broad fabric. Xiao Zhan let out a breath with a low moan. 

The director seemed to decide the take was satisfactory, and nodded at the crew to unhook Xiao Zhan from the rig so that they could finish filming the rest of the scene. They wrapped up in a few more takes, and the actors were granted a break while the crew set up the next shots. 

Xiao Zhan and Yibo wandered to the side, where Xiao Zhan spotted a large rock in the shade and sat, heavy with exhaustion. Immediately Yibo sat down right next to him. Xiao Zhan let his eyes close, and his overheated, tense body relaxed a tiny bit as he finally rested in the shade.

Yibo was talking to him. Why was Yibo talking to him? Didn’t he see that his eyes were closed?? 

“Zhan-ge is tired and wants to rest,” Xiao Zhan said.

His words had no effect. Yibo’s voice kept intruding on Xiao Zhan’s brain. 

What is he on about? Peppers? An ant? 

Yibo nudged Xiao Zhan’s arm to get his attention, and Xiao Zhan felt himself giving in, opening his eyes, leaning into Yibo’s shoulder as he looked where Yibo was pointing.

It felt so good, the press. A current of bright energy flowed into Xiao Zhan’s body. He tried to ignore the sensation as he peered at the ground.

It really was just ants. Ants! Yibo bothered him just for ants. Wasn’t he afraid of insects?

No, ants are okay, Yibo claimed. 

“What if I talked to you about cabbage worms?” Xiao Zhan baited. He wanted — something . 

But Yibo did not react to the new insect either — he didn’t even know what cabbage worms were. Xiao Zhan sighed and closed his eyes again.

“Are those pears or apples?” Yibo seriously had no off-button! “They’re green apples, look carefully, they’re round. Green apples.” 

Xiao Zhan could not help himself. He turned and looked.

This child!  

“It’s so obvious that those are pears!" Xiao Zhan laughed as he yelled. "Da-ge, don’t you have any general knowledge?” 

Yibo cursed at Xiao Zhan under his breath, and Xiao Zhan scolded Yibo with glee. Just like that, he was revived.

Curse Yibo and his relentless energy. Why did Xiao Zhan like him so much?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Of course, it wasn’t that Xiao Zhan didn’t like Yibo.

They were on the bus heading back to the hotel at the end of their long, long day, Xiao Zhan sitting across the aisle from Yibo, who had surprisingly been the first to fall asleep. Yibo leaned with his head tilted awkwardly against the window and legs half sprawled across the seat. He would wake up with a crick in his neck, Xiao Zhan thought, and his mind immediately filled with imaginings — offering to rub Yibo’s neck after they got back to the hotel, his fingers touching hot skin and kneading into strong muscles, Yibo reaching back to grab his hand, pulling him around, pushing him down on the bed…

fuck

It didn’t matter what desires or fantasies were filling Xiao Zhan’s head — he was not about to do something reckless. There was far too much at stake. It wasn’t like he was *actually* a teenage girl, no matter the effect Yibo had on him. He was an adult and a professional and far too mature to be swept up in the whims of a man who was barely past being a teenager himself —

After all, it wasn’t like Yibo really knew him. As much as Xiao Zhan craved Yibo’s attention, he couldn’t imagine it was… well, Xiao Zhan definitely wasn’t remarkable enough to merit… whatever was happening. And anyway, Yibo was too inexperienced to understand the inevitable illusions and disappointments of attraction. Yibo might think he was ready to jump in both feet first, but Xiao Zhan wasn’t going to let both of them put their entire careers on the line just for…

It’s not like Xiao Zhan knew what he wanted, anyway. He had no time to think anymore. He was Wei Ying or he was a rambunctious kid or he was a hastily buttoned up professional or he was completely lost to the gale force of Yibo’s adoration. He existed as a bundle of raw sensations, tangling between people and characters and scenes and tasks.

Xiao Zhan’s eyes swept again to Yibo’s figure across the aisle. He always looked so soft when he was asleep. Even in the dim light of the bus, Xiao Zhan could make out his relaxed face, the faint light of passing traffic highlighting his parted lips, his strong nose and round cheeks. Xiao Zhan’s heart tightened. 

What would happen if they got caught? What if they got Chen Qing Ling banned? What if they got blacklisted? Xiao Zhan knew he could survive in the regular world, but Yibo had never known life outside of celebrity. The thought of Yibo paying the price for Xiao Zhan’s recklessness made his stomach squeeze with nausea. 

Xiao Zhan had to get ahold of himself.

He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the vibrations of the bus, willing the sensation to clear his mind.

It’s not like I know what I want anyway, he repeated to himself, but it was a hollow comfort. His mind spun, churning restlessly with the wheels rumbling beneath him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Zhan-ge! Watch this!” Yibo grabbed Xiao Zhan’s arm and pulled him to look at a video on his phone. Xiao Zhan went readily; Yibo had just returned to set after being gone for a couple of days, and Xiao Zhan couldn’t hide his giddiness at seeing Yibo again.

“I got to practice while I was in Beijing; my coach said I might be ready to race by next year. I was riding a Yamaha R3, I’ve never ridden it before — I had to get used to the acceleration, it accelerates faster than my last bike, but breaks slower, and its center of gravity is a little forward —”

Xiao Zhan stopped breathing.

He had never been so viscerally terrified in his life. 

Each time the tiny image of Yibo laid his body next to the fucking ground as he rounded a curve, Xiao Zhan wanted to scream. He wanted to snatch Yibo off of that screen and make him never touch a motorcycle again. It was — insane, Yibo was insane.

He couldn’t stop watching.

“Yibo!!!” was all he managed. 

“Don’t I look good, ge?” 

Xiao Zhan finally wrested his eyes away from the screen to glare at Yibo —

Yibo was smirking.

Smirking!

“How shameless are you, Yibo!”

Yibo was cackling madly. “I look good, right? Wanna go on a ride with me sometime?”

Xiao Zhan hit Yibo without forethought, punching against his chest again and again. “How dangerous is that, Bo-di ? What kind of death trap is that? You’re gonna get yourself killed!” 

Yibo kept cackling until Xiao Zhan caught his eyes with a fierce glare, and then Yibo was explaining in a rush, “It’s really not that dangerous, Zhan-ge; the suits we wear have padding and airbags to protect you, and we practice a lot, I know it looks dangerous when the bike leans — “

“You’re going to lose a leg!”

“No, no, it’s very controlled, I pay attention and follow all the rules. And if you come with me, street driving isn’t like that, I’m really careful — I would be really careful ge, we wouldn’t do anything dangerous.” The glee was flickering from Yibo’s face by the time he finished.

Xiao Zhan wanted to relent, but his heart was pounding out of his chest. “Safe, safe, sure, Wang Laoshi is always in control.” 

“Zhan-ge, I’m really careful, you don’t have to worry,” Yibo insisted.

How shouldn’t I worry! 

But Xiao Zhan couldn’t say that; he couldn’t even think that, and he simply stood with his brow furrowed.

“Really, it’s safe!” Yibo’s eyes were wide. Xiao Zhan wanted to crumble into a million pieces — why was he reacting like this? 

“Bo-geeeeee,” Xiao Zhan whined miserably. He stomped his foot slightly. “How can that possibly be safe? What if your knee touches the ground!”

Yibo’s eyes brightened. “That’s what the kneepads are for, touching — it’s okay to touch! That’s why we practice, to learn when to go into the curve, to get the feel for friction and how to use the gyroscopic effect. Coach said I’m learning fast. Anyway, ge,” Yibo sounded so very eager. “Let me take you out for a ride sometime, you would love it.”

Xiao Zhan felt his head swimming; nothing Yibo said made sense; what the hell did friction have to do with anything — do I have to learn physics?? — he wanted to cry — but through all the confusion there was Yibo, pulling, wanting, and Xiao Zhan was falling, like he always did, like the alarm bells ringing from his every cell were nothing. 

“Maybe… I’ll let you take me for a ride,” Xiao Zhan heard himself say, his eyes casting down.

“Really, do you mean it?” Yibo’s voice burst with anticipation.

Xiao Zhan couldn’t help a small smile, and he nodded.

“Zhan-ge, you’re gonna like it so much!” 

Xiao Zhan looked up again and there he was, radiance bursting forth from grinning lips and round cheeks and gleeful eyes. Yibo was all the sunshine in the world.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Xiao Zhan had no idea if he actually wanted to go on a motorcycle ride. He hoped Yibo wouldn’t ask him about it again for a while.

Xiao Zhan really was losing his mind. It was 2 am and he was lying in bed, delirious with exhaustion, but his phone was on, and he was watching the motorcycle video on loop. Of course Yibo had sent it to him, and of course the message had been captioned with a single word — handsome?

Xiao Zhan had replied, handsome handsome handsome, and a tongue sticking out emoji. But lying in bed now, he couldn’t pretend to himself that he wasn't intrigued by the video.

Watching it was probably a bad idea — it was definitely a bad idea.

After ten or so replays, Xiao Zhan’s terror had started to mellow, and he was watching with a growing, forbidden thrill. Yibo drove so fast; he managed the bike with such control; he went so hard. Xiao Zhan bit his lip and felt a rush of energy down his body.

How was this friggin daredevil the same person who chased Xiao Zhan around set shouting bad puns everyday? And how was that the same person who could suddenly morph into the deep, stunning, steadfast Lan Zhan? It was too much — how could Yibo... how did he so easily embody them all? 

The speed of the camera following the racetrack was starting to lull Xiao Zhan into a trance. His eyes slid with Yibo around the curves, loop after loop, his heart pounding with each turn, his stomach dropping each time Yibo defied gravity. 

how does he go so fast  

Xiao Zhan’s mind was emptying as he kept watching, questions and worries slipping away. He was so, so tired — tired of caring, trying, thinking. He let his hand wander down to his dick — he just, he needed —

Xiao Zhan’s first light touch sent sparks through his body. He pulled the phone closer to his face, trying to better see Yibo’s figure cutting through time and space. Yibo was so, so... brilliant —

Xiao Zhan’s hand tightened on his dick, already painfully hard, and he began to slide, dragging foreskin back and forth over the head, sending sharp, warm shudders through his body. He watched Yibo get ready for a curve, shifting his weight on the bike — the way he handled the machine —

Xiao Zhan was breathing fast and moved faster, tiny whimpers escaping his lips, and he felt tension coiling deep in his gut —

Yibo was so focused, so in control, so relentless —

Xiao Zhan was spilling already, waves of intense energy lighting his body as he came hard and quick. He shivered as he curled up, panting slightly, eyes closed, waiting for his body to calm down. Finally his breathing slowed, and the buzzing of the motorcycle became strangely loud in his ear. He opened his eyes to tap at his phone and shut the video off. He tried to relax, but he felt on edge, uncomfortably aware of his beating heart.

It wasn’t enough.

He cursed his past self for failing to pack any toys for the summer, and he picked up his phone and started scrolling through photos of Yibo. Yibo had sent him hundreds over the past month and a half; he was so shameless! Xiao Zhan never knew whether to laugh or shake his head. Suddenly, Xiao Zhan’s eyes caught on a photo from an ad campaign, in which Yibo was wearing a suit, sitting with legs spread, chin lifted, staring down the camera.

Staring down Xiao Zhan. 

He felt trapped, as if Yibo had captured him in his gaze. He didn't dare move.

why does he like me  

Xiao Zhan felt small, and empty. Yibo was unbearably handsome, and talented, and hard-working, and generous, and brave. None of this made sense.

Xiao Zhan rubbed his fingers in the cum pooled on his belly, and reached forward, pausing to rub at the sensitive skin for only a moment before he pushed a finger into his hole.

Xiao Zhan reached to push a little deeper, trying to sate some kind of gnawing hunger. He imagined kneeling between those strong legs, unzipping Yibo’s pants, freeing his cock — 

He imagined how he would take it in his hands and feel the weight of it, how he would lick along the length, how he would look up at Yibo and bat his eyes when he took the head in his mouth —

He pushed another finger in and reached further, stretching until he finally hit his prostate, warmth instantly radiating up through his body. He moaned as he began to relax, and pulsed his fingers on the spot, letting his phone fall from his hand. He closed his eyes and the video of Yibo on the racetrack came back into his mind.

Xiao Zhan imagined Yibo getting off the bike, sweaty and full of adrenaline. He imagined standing shyly to the side to cheer Yibo on; he imagined Yibo spotting him and grinning, walking swiftly over, pushing him against a wall, kissing him roughly —

Xiao Zhan trembled and tried to push his fingers deeper —

He imagined Yibo’s hands palming his ass, squeezing, pulling — he imagined Yibo prying him open, Yibo pushing into him —

A frantic urgency washed through him, and he added a finger, desperate for more. 

how big is he —

Yibo bearing down, would he go slow, would he drive in without mercy, would he rip him apart —

A violent tremble set through Xiao Zhan’s body. He failed to suppress his furtive moans as he moved faster and harder, senseless to the pain, imagining Yibo on him, in him, owning him taking him breaking him —

Yibo there Yibo Bo-ge please — Bo-ge —

Xiao Zhan shook apart on his own hand, uncaring of the high cries bursting from his lips. He drowned in wave after wave of ecstasy, shuddering and unable to breathe. After a time, the waves fell, and he started to come down, drawing hungry breaths, mind gingerly falling back into place. He lay spent, drifting in and out of consciousness, sapped of every last shred of energy. 

Right before sleep overtook him, a tiny part of his mind registered a sound coming from the room on the other side of his wall. If he’d been a bit more conscious, he might have recognized a grunt in a deep male voice.

~~~~~~

Yibo greeted him the next morning, as every morning, with a grin and an assortment of snacks.

“Did you eat breakfast yet?” Yibo asked. “I brought you a pastry, and the crew breakfast today is scrambled eggs, I’ll go get you some.”

Xiao Zhan found himself evading Yibo’s eyes. Whatever lie he told himself when he awoke earlier this morning, covered with his sticky mess — something about getting it out of his system — was proving to be patently untrue. Xiao Zhan’s eyes kept drifting toward Yibo’s bare arms, and he was barely resisting his instinct to bite his lip.

“I already ate,” he said.

“Really?” Yibo looked around the room until he spotted Xiao Zhan’s assistant. “Did Zhan-ge already eat breakfast?” he called loudly.

Ah, this kid won’t give me any face

His assistant shrugged, and Yibo turned back to Xiao Zhan. “Did you really eat?”

“Yes,” he repeated.

“Are you lying?” Yibo’s eyes narrowed as Xiao Zhan kept avoiding his look.

Xiao Zhan was too tired for this. He shrugged and sighed.

“I knew it. I’ll be right back.” Yibo set the pastry bag in front of Xiao Zhan and ran off to get the eggs. Xiao Zhan sighed again, and reached out to break a small piece off of the pastry. He held it in his hand and looked at it absently while his mind tried to get itself in order.

“Zhan-ge, are you all right?” Yibo’s voice interrupted his reverie.

“Ah! Yes, thank you,” Xiao Zhan quickly popped the piece of pastry into his mouth, and looked up with a sweet smile. The last thing he needed today was more attention from Yibo. He took the bowl of eggs from Yibo’s outstretched hand, and asked, “what are we shooting today?”

“We’re filming at Lotus Pier — you’re filming with the Jiangs in the morning and afternoon, and then tonight we’re doing the core reveal scene.” 

Shit, tonight they were doing the bows? And he would be fainting into Yibo’s arms?? Xiao Zhan very quietly groaned and shook his head. He truly had Wei Ying’s luck.

Yibo misinterpreted Xiao Zhan’s distress. “That’s why you need to eat, Zhan-ge, it’s gonna be a long day.”

wait —

“Wait, Yibo, you don’t have a morning call? Why didn’t you sleep in!” Xiao Zhan’s eyes widened as he asked. He would have hit Yibo if his hands hadn’t been busy with food.

Yibo shrugged and didn’t answer.

“Lao Wang, you have to rest when you can! You don’t get enough sleep,” Xiao Zhan scolded.

Yibo seemed to think for half a second, and then a glint flashed into his eye. “You have to eat, otherwise my sacrifice will have been for nothing.”

“Wang Yibo, are you even human!” Xiao Zhan shouted. Yibo was openly laughing now.

Xiao Zhan hmphed in indignation. Yibo had won. He sighed and took another bite.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xiao Zhan was relieved to be spending part of the day away from Yibo. He was eager to disappear into Wei Ying and escape from his current worries.

Wei Ying often made more sense to Xiao Zhan than his own self. He had fallen in love with Wei Ying from the first moment he encountered him: he had never met someone so courageous or selfless, someone with such boundless love. He badly wanted to do Wei Ying justice, and he poured every ounce of himself into the role. Every pain that Wei Ying felt, Xiao Zhan took deep into his own heart, and every joy that he experienced, Xiao Zhan cherished with his whole being.

The scenes for the morning and afternoon offered the joy of his siblings, and time passed quickly. Xiao Zhan felt at home when he was with Shijie and Jiang Cheng, and he was happy to slip into sibling mode and forget about everything else for a while. He was particularly enthusiastic today about play-fighting with Jiang Cheng during the breaks, and a couple of times he caught Shijie looking at him with a curious expression on her face. But then he would make a face at her and start fighting with Jiang Cheng again, and she let him be.

It was already past time for dinner by the time they wrapped up the first scenes. Xiao Zhan and Zhuocheng’s assistants pushed bowls into their hands and told them to eat quickly. Xiao Zhan’s stomach refused more than a couple of bites, and then he and Zhuocheng jogged back to the trailers for touch-ups and costume changes. Xiao Zhan entered the make-up room and immediately spotted Yibo sitting while a stylist worked on his wig. He was staring at his phone and bouncing his knee rapidly.

As Xiao Zhan headed toward his own seat, Yibo looked up and called to him.

“Zhan-ge, look at this!” 

Immediately Xiao Zhan thought of the motorcycle video and blushed, though he tried to act normal as he walked over. Thankfully Yibo was too absorbed in the new video to notice, and a moment later Xiao Zhan was watching a video of a tiny kitten playing with a Doberman.

“Isn’t it cute? So cute,” Yibo said, looking at him in anticipation.

Xiao Zhan relaxed and smiled easily. Yibo really was so adorable. 

“So cute,” he agreed. He took the phone and pulled up one of his favorite cat videos to show Yibo, before his makeup artist called him over to get his touch-ups for their evening scenes.

When he finished, Yibo was nowhere to be seen, slightly to Xiao Zhan’s annoyance. He walked quickly to the costume room to get changed, and then he stepped out into the night to make his way back to Lotus Pier. Yibo was standing just outside the door, waiting for him. Xiao Zhan’s heart skipped.

He threw himself into a cheerful banter. “How was your day? Play any games?”

“I played NBA 2K — we should play. You can’t beat me,” Yibo smirked, and Xiao Zhan swatted at him. Yibo instantly hit back, and Xiao Zhan ran ahead to escape his wrath. Yibo chased after him, and they dashed onto set yelping and sweating.

“Aiyou, Wei Ying, you’ve already ruined your makeup,” the director scolded, though in truth, there were hardly any scenes where his makeup survived the oppressive summer air. Xiao Zhan mumbled a quick apology, giggling and shooting his arm out to jab Yibo again. The director sighed and shook his head, letting them go at it for a few more minutes, until they were called into rehearsal.

Xiao Zhan pinched himself sharply and lectured himself to focus, and took a couple of deep breaths. He let the memories of the bright afternoon fade, become bittersweet, the hours since stretching into years, memories of loss thudding at his heart, remorse forming a heavy stone in his belly, weighing and anchoring him — until he stood here in the night, alone, aching for Shijie, for his family, for the home he could never grasp again. Alone... except for Lan Zhan by his side. He imperceptibly warmed.

They blocked the scene and ran lines. The director focused with Yibo, Jiang Cheng, and Wen Ning to discuss their conflict, while Xiao Zhan’s makeup artist tried to fix everything he’d sweated off. It was desperately late by the time they started filming, but Xiao Zhan’s lagging energy revived with the focus of the cameras —

and he was Wei Ying, kneeling in front of his ancestors, offering incense, Lan Zhan by his side. They bowed, three times, a deep resonance settling into Wei Ying’s bones and flesh and spirit. And then he was yanked away from this holy moment by the acid of Jiang Cheng, and he was glowering at his brother’s disrespect — how dare he insult the noble man by his side! And then his spent body was collapsing into a free fall, strong arms catching him and cradling him… he let himself drift, safe, free from all responsibility… until he was brought back to awareness by a tear dropping onto his face.

The director yelled cut, and Xiao Zhan opened his eyes. Above him Yibo’s eyes were locked on him, still leaking tears. Xiao Zhan quickly sat up. He didn’t like seeing Yibo suffer.

“Lan Zhan!” Xiao Zhan stuck his tongue out, “It’s over, I’m okay! Lan Zhan doesn’t need to worry.”

The look Yibo shot him was murderous.

“Okay, okay, keep crying if you want,” Xiao Zhan pouted playfully, and poked Yibo’s chest.

Yibo snapped. “You don’t take me seriously,” he said, his voice sharp enough to turn nearby heads, who then quickly, studiously looked away.

Xiao Zhan’s mouth fell open, and Yibo stood up angrily and walked away, stopping with his back to the set, half-hidden in the shadows. Xiao Zhan sat frozen, torn between the desire to comfort Yibo and the fear of making things worse. Suddenly Zhuocheng was kicking him in the shin.

“What are you doing? Go talk to him!”

As if propelled by the kicks, Xiao Zhan jumped up and walked over to stand in front of Yibo.

Yibo’s face was a misery, his jaw clenched tight with the effort to hold back tears. Xiao Zhan’s stomach churned.

He reached out and put his hand on Yibo’s shoulder, feeling the muscles tense beneath his touch.

“Yibo,” he said softly, “I’m sorry.”

“No you’re not. You don’t understand,” Yibo asserted. He looked directly at Xiao Zhan, his eyes glistening and sharp.

“What don’t I understand?” Xiao Zhan’s voice was quiet, and he was fighting his every instinct to run and hide away.

“You don’t take me seriously. You treat me like a kid.”

“I know you’re not a kid,” Xiao Zhan tried to affirm, but Yibo cut him off.

“No, you don’t. You think I don’t mean it. I mean it.” Yibo pointed toward the set. “Lan Zhan has his regrets — not me. I can take care of you. I can protect you.”

Xiao Zhan’s mind was a screaming scramble — he didn’t need —

A wild thought flew through his head.

Before he knew it, he felt his legs wavering, his exhaustion suddenly weighing much too heavy in his limbs. He fell forward. In an instant, Yibo had grabbed his waist, steadying him, holding tight.

“Zhan-ge?”

Xiao Zhan’s heart was pounding furiously. The hand on his waist was strong, holding tight. Xiao Zhan felt strangely giddy, electricity shooting through his body. He peered at Yibo’s face, and Yibo’s eyes were wide with concern — the same look of concern Lan Zhan had worn minutes earlier.

he can’t mean it

Xiao Zhan shook his head. “I just need to sleep.”

Yibo nodded. “You don’t sleep enough, ge.” His voice was edged with worry.

Xiao Zhan knew he should turn, walk away, go to sleep, try to regain control of himself. But he didn’t move. 

He stood, rooted to the spot, unable to look away from Yibo’s earnest, worried eyes. He reached his free hand to cup Yibo’s cheek, and rubbed his thumb to wipe away the remnant tears. The nearby set lights rippled off Yibo’s skin as it dipped with his touch, and he swept his thumb back and forth, mesmerized by the light, the softness, the warmth. 

“Zhan-ge?” The deep voice was husky, uncertain.

“Mmm?” Xiao Zhan continued to watch the slow movements of his thumb across glistening skin.

“Zhan-ge, what…” Yibo didn’t seem to know how to finish his sentence.

Xiao Zhan shook his head slightly, but kept his hand on Yibo’s face, thumb stilling. Yibo stood frozen, barely breathing, unblinking.

An eternity stretched into those seconds, Xiao Zhan standing on a precipice, watching Yibo’s chest rise and fall, his own heartbeat slowing, calming.

Fuck it.

“Okay,” he said.

Chapter Text

“Okay?” Yibo asked, staring in confusion at Xiao Zhan. The look he saw in Xiao Zhan’s eyes made his heart pound.

“Okay. We can try dating.”

“Are you serious, Zhan-ge?” Yibo’s brain was exploding. Xiao Zhan’s eyes were so bright and big and close, gazing right back at Yibo.

“Yes.” Xiao Zhan smiled radiantly.

“You really mean it?” 

“Yes,” Xiao Zhan giggled slightly.

“I can date you.”

“Yes!” An exasperated laugh.

“I can be your boyfriend.” 

“Yes Yibo oh my god.”

“I’m your boyfriend now.” The words felt wildly good coming out of Yibo’s mouth.

Xiao Zhan buried his face in his hands, and Yibo picked him up in a bear hug and swung him around. Xiao Zhan’s feet kept bumping the ground, but Yibo was too thrilled to care. He wanted to hold Xiao Zhan so tight he would never think of going anywhere else.

“Yibo, put me down! People are watching!” Xiao Zhan punched Yibo until he let him go. Yibo glanced quickly behind him, and the crew who were cleaning up all seemed absorbed in their tasks.

“No they’re not.” He grinned at Xiao Zhan. “I want to kiss you.”

Xiao Zhan blushed a deeper pink than Yibo had ever seen him turn before. Yibo grabbed his arm. He needed to touch him, feel the heat of his skin under his hands, consume his perfect lips, peel off his clothes, make him hot, make him sweat, make him —

“They could be!” Xiao Zhan exclaimed, wrenching free of Yibo’s grasp and walking rapidly away, forcing Yibo to jog to catch up to his long strides. Each time Yibo reached out to grab Xiao Zhan, he would turn away and zag in another direction. But Yibo saw he was grinning too.

When they got back to the main building, Xiao Zhan rushed into a changing room and closed and locked the door before Yibo could follow him in. Yibo hurried to change out of his costume, the makeup artists barely managing to hold him down long enough to peel off his wig, so that he was ready and waiting at the door of the dressing room by the time Xiao Zhan emerged. Xiao Zhan’s face flashed with gleeful exasperation at the sight of Yibo, and he grabbed Yibo’s arm and pulled him along to wait while the makeup artists removed his wig as well.

“Race you,” Xiao Zhan shouted as he bolted out of his chair and dashed out to the bus, Yibo following in close pursuit.

“Caught you,” Yibo proclaimed as he grabbed Xiao Zhan’s shirt while they climbed into the bus. Xiao Zhan tried to swat at Yibo behind him, and they tumbled into a seat a few rows down, earning a few eyebrow raises from the other actors who were waiting sleepily to go back to the hotel. 

Yibo pinned Xiao Zhan into the corner of the seat and started to tickle him. Xiao Zhan’s squirming shrieks pierced the late night hush of the bus.

“ Fucking A you two, cut it out, it’s late,” Wang Zhuocheng shouted grumpily.

“Sorry,” they both said in unison, and then collapsed into not-quite-suppressed giggles. Xiao Zhan managed to push Yibo away and sit upright. Yibo was mesmerized by the way Xiao Zhan’s breath heaved in his chest, the way giggles escaped from his lips, the way his arms curled around his knees, hugging them tightly against his chest. Xiao Zhan laid his head on his knees and looked up at Yibo, and smiled.

Xiao Zhan liked him!!!!!!

Yibo couldn’t help poking Xiao Zhan as the bus finally started to move forward. After a few pokes, Xiao Zhan caught his finger, and wrapped his hand — how were his hands so delicate?? — tightly around it. Yibo didn’t pull away, and Xiao Zhan didn’t let go. Yibo felt his heart pounding furiously into his finger, into his throat, into his cock. Xiao Zhan stared at their hands for a long time, and then looked up, straight into Yibo’s eyes. 

Yibo was going to have a heart attack. Or he was going to pin Xiao Zhan right then and there, on that damned bus seat. 

Yibo sat frozen, eyes locked in searing hunger on Xiao Zhan, willing his body to calm down. Xiao Zhan’s eyes flickered to Yibo’s crotch, and then he started giggling, hiding his face in his knees, still holding onto Yibo’s finger. 

Yibo’s ears were so red they were going to burn off. He was at a loss for what to do, and he sat wondering what Xiao Zhan was thinking, what his laughter meant, what was expected of a man in a moment like this. Xiao Zhan finally got ahold of himself, stifling his giggles and calming his breath, and looked up at Yibo again. With mischief dancing at the edge of his eyes, he tightened his grip on Yibo’s finger, and ever so slightly pulled .

Yibo’s head swam, like he was suddenly the race track, flying at hundreds of km per hour — except now, he didn’t feel in control at all. A millisecond later he was brought back to the present by the tight pressure of the throbbing erection caught in his pants. He reacted without thought, pulling his hand free and grabbing Xiao Zhan’s wrist tight, pressing it back against the bus seat.

Xiao Zhan frowned at the loss of the upper hand, and Yibo felt a thrill of triumph flash through him. He was back in control, on top —

Xiao Zhan tried to smack Yibo with his free hand, but Yibo caught that wrist as well, pressing it toward the bus wall, stretching over Xiao Zhan with a smirk.

Xiao Zhan caught Yibo’s armpit with a quick jab with his knee, surprising him enough that Yibo let go. Thus liberated, Xiao Zhan immediately began smacking Yibo’s shoulder, and they fell into a chaotic tussle punctuated with suppressed laughs and grunts. They wrestled all the way back to the hotel, panting with exhaustion as the bus pulled into the parking lot.

They didn’t notice the mix of sleepy glares and bemused expressions shot at them as they shuffled off the bus, nor how no one else got onto the elevator with them to ride up to their floor. Soon they were standing in the hotel hallway, lingering between the doors to their adjacent rooms, giggling and swatting at each other as the last few exhausted crew and actors shut their own doors to stumble into bed.

“I want to kiss you,” Yibo said, his voice cutting sharply across the silence of the hallway. 

“Yibo! We’re in a hallway!” Xiao Zhan whispered emphatically, eyes wide.

“Then let me into your room,” Yibo said with a smirk.

“Shameless!” Xiao Zhan cried, not quite managing to keep his voice to a whisper as he swatted Yibo’s shoulder. 

“You can come to my room,” Yibo offered.

“You — “ Xiao Zhan paused, a storm of unreadable emotions flying across his face. And then he turned with a dramatic twist to face his door. He fumbled with his keys for a moment, until the sound of the lock turning clicked into the quiet hallway, and the door fell open, and Xiao Zhan rushed inside. It took Yibo a second to realize Xiao Zhan hadn’t shut the door, and then he scrambled into the room behind him.

Yibo stopped right inside the doorframe, his heart pounding in his ears. Xiao Zhan had not bothered to turn on any lights, and his back was to Yibo while he tossed random clothes from his messy bed onto a pile on a chair. 

“Close the door,” Xiao Zhan said without looking at Yibo.

“Oh,” Yibo said, pushing the door shut behind him. The room fell dark as the light streaming in from the hallway closed off.

“Agh,” Yibo’s mind reeled as the dark closed around him, catching his breath in his chest — but before he could search for the light switch, Xiao Zhan reached over and flicked on a lamp opposite the bed. Yibo breathed a sigh of relief. Xiao Zhan stayed focused on his task until he finished clearing the bed and loosely pulled up a blanket to cover the sheets. 

He paused, then, his back still to Yibo, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. Yibo noticed the glint of sweat on the back of his neck.

“I’ll turn up the AC,” Yibo said. Yibo had listened to Xiao Zhan complain several times about how his room was too hot when he came back from shooting, because the hotel staff always turned the temperature back to the default during the day. Yibo had put in a request to the hotel last week to keep Xiao Zhan’s room cooler during the day, but he was told it was against hotel policy due to the unnecessary energy use. Thinking about it now, he realized he could get an extra key for Xiao Zhan’s room and ask his assistant to come by the hotel earlier in the evenings to turn up Xiao Zhan’s air conditioning. This way it would already be cool by the time they got back from filming.

Xiao Zhan sighed, and stared at the curtains covering the window. 

Yibo went to the panel on the nearby wall and messed with it until he heard the sound of cold air blowing through the vents. 

Xiao Zhan sagged down to sit on the edge of the bed, looking at the hem of his shirt as he continued to play with it. “You can’t stay long. We have to be up early tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Yibo said.

Xiao Zhan gnawed at his lower lip for several moments. Then, looking at the ground, he said, “Only kissing. You can’t leave any marks.” 

The sheer possibility of ever, in any iteration of existence, leaving marks on Xiao Zhan’s skin, short-circuited Yibo’s brain. His heart thundered so loudly he was sure Xiao Zhan could hear it. He forgot to say anything until he realized that Xiao Zhan was now staring at him, his eyes wide and looking a little unsure. Oh, right, “Uh huh. Yes. Okay.”

Xiao Zhan’s shoulders relaxed slightly, and he reached out his hand to smooth the blanket next to him. Yibo gazed as the lamplight highlighted the elegant lines of Xiao Zhan’s hand, the soft movement of his arm, the contours of his cheeks, the scrunch of his eyebrows. He was unbearably gorgeous.

“Zhan-ge,” Yibo uttered, heart in his throat.

Xiao Zhan smiled slightly, and then looked up directly into Yibo’s eyes, and then leaned slightly back on his hands. 

Yibo stepped toward him, pulled by gravity, every muscle in his body screaming to possess Xiao Zhan. But he was suddenly unsure of where to put himself.

Xiao Zhan cocked his head as he looked at Yibo, standing still half a meter from him. And then he barked out a laugh, sitting up straight. “Oh my god Yibo, just sit down.”

“Okay,” Yibo said with a crooked smile, and sat next to Xiao Zhan on the edge of the bed. Yibo stared at Xiao Zhan’s face, his head swirling at how beautiful he was up close. Xiao Zhan looked back at him for a moment, and then his eyes flitted away. Yibo reached out to pull him close —

“Yibo, why are you still wearing your shoes? Take them off!”

“Oh.”

In a matter of seconds Yibo kicked his shoes off and grabbed the back of Xiao Zhan’s neck, pulling him in for a kiss. Xiao Zhan tensed momentarily in surprise, but his lips were soft and giving, and Yibo pushed their mouths together, kissing eagerly. He felt Xiao Zhan’s lips part slightly and pushed his tongue into Xiao Zhan’s mouth. Yibo burned with adrenaline – he was so close to Xiao Zhan – he wanted more – and he put his other hand at the small of Xiao Zhan’s back and pulled him closer. He couldn’t believe how alive Xiao Zhan’s body felt under his hands, the movement of taut muscles and the give of the slight softness at the edges. 

Yibo swallowed Xiao Zhan’s mouth, plunging his tongue deeper, his heart racing. Everything about Xiao Zhan was exquisite, his lips, his warmth, his scent. This was incredible, Xiao Zhan was incredible – 

Suddenly Yibo felt a light shove at his chest, and Xiao Zhan turned away from his mouth. He was panting and giggling helplessly.

Yibo pulled back a bit, confused. “What?”

“Yibo,” Xiao Zhan’s laughter continued to roll through him. “Lao Wang,” he tried again, giggling and giggling, unable to stop himself. Yibo found himself half-smiling too.

Xiao Zhan took several shuddering breaths, trying to calm down. 

“What?” Yibo asked again.

Xiao Zhan’s hand fell on Yibo’s knee. Yibo’s pulse quickened.

Xiao Zhan looked at him, his eyes twinkling. “Have you ever kissed someone before?” He bit his lip as if to keep from laughing more.

Yibo nodded quickly, though his ears felt hot. “Of course.”

Xiao Zhan narrowed his eyes.

“Have you kissed anyone since you were … young?” 

“No,” Yibo answered, his face now flaming. The only person he’d kissed was Meng Meiqi when he was 15, and truth be told, it hadn’t felt like this. He was mostly trying to figure out what a boyfriend was supposed to do, which included an occasional, quick kiss. Neither of them had seemed very interested in taking things further.

But since then, he’d watched plenty of porn and read lots of doujins. He learned things fast by watching them, so by now he figured he had a pretty good idea of what to do.

Or at least, that’s what he’d thought until about ten seconds ago. 

“Should I do something different?” Yibo asked.

Xiao Zhan grinned and laughed.

“Should you…” he repeated and trailed off. Then he nodded. “Um….”

He gave a little sigh, and Yibo’s heart fluttered.

“Sit…sit back,” Xiao Zhan said, nudging Yibo to sit further onto the bed. “Just — “

And then Xiao Zhan climbed onto Yibo’s lap.

Yibo was aware of many things at once. One, his brain whited out. It stopped working entirely. Weird that he was still having thoughts anyway. Seeing as —

Two, his dick was straining so hard in his pants that he wondered if he could hurt it keeping it confined like this. He remembered reading once about a man who broke his penis. But Yibo was not weak or an idiot and surely he could make it through —

(three) the weight and warmth of Xiao Zhan’s thighs on his, the light brush of his ass against Yibo’s knees, the soft lean of his arms on Yibo’s shoulders, the delicate line of his neck —

( f o u r ) Yibo had to bite that neck, or at least suck on it, but also there was a collarbone peeking from the collar of his shirt, and further below that collarbone he could make out the pebbling of a —

“Yibo, don’t grip so tight! I’m gonna bruise,” Xiao Zhan scolded. These words caused Yibo’s hands to tighten instinctively where they were wrapped around Xiao Zhan’s waist, as he fought valiantly to survive his wave of arousal without coming on the spot. 

“Yibo!!”

“Sorry,” Yibo managed to say. He took a few deep breaths and intentionally loosened his grip. our old manager our old wrinkly manager old wrinkly man old manager old 

“Are you okay?” Xiao Zhan asked, sounding a little perplexed. Yibo realized maybe he was making a face. He tried to make his expression neutral, though when he looked up at Xiao Zhan, Xiao Zhan looked a bit worried.

“Yes,” Yibo said shortly. And suddenly Xiao Zhan was laughing again, his head curling to Yibo’s shoulder as he shook on Yibo’s lap. Yibo relaxed a tiny bit, but not too much, wary of the wild cacophony of sensations happening all throughout him.

Xiao Zhan finally stopped laughing, sighing as he stilled. “Okay,” he said. “Pay attention.”

As if Yibo could pay attention to anything else.

And then Xiao Zhan leaned his head down and kissed Yibo very softly on the side of his neck. A swift shiver surged through Yibo’s body, and he held himself stiffly. 

“Now me,” Xiao Zhan said, drawing his head up and baring his neck. “Soft. No marks!”

Yibo nodded and tried to order his body to stay calm. He kissed Xiao Zhan’s neck. An overwhelming instinct wanted him to keep going, to kiss harder, suck and devour. But in a feat of prodigious self control, he simply pressed his lips against the faintly salty skin, and then pulled away. Xiao Zhan exhaled and shifted slightly in Yibo’s lap. Yibo’s cock throbbed wildly, but he managed to keep himself steady. He pressed his lips to Xiao Zhan’s neck again, a bit closer to his Adam’s Apple, and this time he felt Xiao Zhan shiver. 

Fuck .

Before Yibo could kiss Xiao Zhan again, Xiao Zhan lightly pressed his hand against Yibo’s chest. 

“Okay,” Xiao Zhan said, slightly breathy. “Okay.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Stay still.”

Then he leaned down and touched his lips to Yibo’s, a feather light brush, and then pulled away. Yibo felt his heart ache out of his body after Xiao Zhan. Xiao Zhan looked Yibo in the eye until Yibo’s heart was pounding out of his throat — and then he closed his eyes, and leaned down, and gave a deeper, brief kiss. Then he kissed just Yibo’s lower lip, his teeth barely capturing the edge of it as he pulled away. Then another deeper kiss, lips pressing sensually into Yibo’s, lingering now before pulling away.

Yibo fought not to react to the waves of desire thundering through him. He focused on his breath, and tried to make sure not to squeeze Xiao Zhan’s waist.

“Now you try,” Xiao Zhan murmured.

Yibo nodded eagerly and brought his hand to Xiao Zhan’s neck, to pull him in again. Xiao Zhan shook his head and Yibo paused.

Xiao Zhan was laughing lightly. “You have to ….” He trailed off, seemingly lost in thought. Yibo waited, his pulse racing.

“It’s not just about force. I mean,” Xiao Zhan continued, flushing deeply, “it’s not Not about force. But….”

“But what?”

“But… you can’t just use brute force. No one wants a brute. Or. Well….” Xiao Zhan trailed off, looking a bit confused, or maybe — Yibo suddenly realized — embarrassed. Whatever it was, Yibo wanted more of it.

“You want my force,” Yibo interrupted, with a smirk.

“Yibo!” Xiao Zhan’s mouth fell open in surprise, and his skin flushed bright. “Who do you think you are!” 

“Your boyfriend,” Yibo answered. 

“Yibo!” Xiao Zhan hit Yibo’s shoulder hard enough that it stung. Yibo grinned.

“You want your boyfriend’s force,” Yibo gloated.

“Shut up!” Xiao Zhan covered his face while Yibo cackled. Xiao Zhan tried to hit him again, but Yibo was too quick for him, and blocked his blow. They wrestled until Yibo managed to grab Xiao Zhan’s arms and pin them to his sides, smirking triumphantly.

“Let me go,” Xiao Zhan ordered. He looked flushed and flustered, and he squirmed against Yibo’s grip. 

“No, you’ll cover your face and then I can’t kiss you,” Yibo explained.

“You made me cover my face!” Xiao Zhan shot back. 

“No I didn’t,” Yibo responded matter-of-factly.

“Did too! You can’t say things like that,” Xiao Zhan whined.

“Didn’t.”

“Didn’t what? You definitely said those things!”

“Didn’t.”

“Did too!”

Yibo tugged Xiao Zhan toward him and kissed him, trying to do it how Xiao Zhan showed him. Xiao Zhan squirmed a bit at first, but then he started to relax and kiss back. Yibo was figuring out how to read Xiao Zhan’s responses better, and he felt Xiao Zhan’s mouth becoming more pliant. With a thrill he felt them building a rhythm, push and pull, Xiao Zhan sinking heavier into his lap, moaning faintly when Yibo pushed his tongue into his mouth again. God . 

Yibo tried not to groan at the feeling of his tongue inside Xiao Zhan, Xiao Zhan’s tongue pushing back, hot breath and muscle, Xiao Zhan faintly undulating against him, his legs sinking heavier onto Yibo’s thighs. They kissed and kissed, time blurring against the vividness of sensation.

Yibo finally pulled away, Xiao Zhan chasing his lips for the briefest fraction of a second. Xiao Zhan let out a whimper, before he caught himself and snapped his mouth shut. 

Yibo was out of breath, but still managed to smirk. “Told you you want my force.”

Xiao Zhan blinked several times, as if regaining his bearings. And then his gaze focused, and he opened his mouth in outrage — 

“WANG YIB—“ 

Xiao Zhan’s shout was swallowed in a kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maybe it wasn’t ideal to stay up late every night for a week making out with Xiao Zhan, only grabbing a couple of hours of sleep between long days of work, but Yibo could handle it. He could handle anything. Especially now that he was dating Xiao Zhan. 

Yibo was with Xiao Zhan . Xiao Zhan!!!!

Han-ge seemed to not agree with Yibo’s assessment of the relative merits of sleep versus kissing Xiao Zhan. At least that was the gist Yibo was gathering from the lecture he was currently receiving as they relaxed for a bit after filming. He’d fallen asleep three times while waiting backstage during this week’s Day Day Up taping.

“Yibo’er”, Han-ge chided him. Yibo tapped his foot rapidly and fought not to show the tiredness already flooding back into his body now that he was off camera.

“He is very handsome,” Han-ge prompted.

“He’s incredible,” Yibo responded, lighting up. “He should come on Day Day Up again, he can sing! He’s going to be a huge star.”

“He’s very talented,” Han-ge agreed.

“The most talented! Have you seen his artwork?”

“You already showed me last week,” Han-ge scolded. “Is he kind to you?”

“Of course,” Yibo answered. What kind of question was that? “Let me show you some pictures!”

Han-ge and the other Day Day Up brothers gathered to peer at Yibo’s phone, sitting through their second session today of never-ending Xiao Zhan pictures, stories, clips, and all around adulations, until Han-ge rescued the other brothers and the tired (if delighted) crew from having to stay even later, by insisting on giving Yibo a ride home.

Yibo’s residence in Changsha was close to the studio, but as soon as they left, Han-ge took a  detour. They ended up parked in front of a pretty view of an orange grove.

“I’m happy for you, Yibo’er,” Han-ge said. Yibo nodded.

“You’re right that Xiao Zhan might become a big star. You will too. You both have what it takes.” Yibo nodded again, proud.

“You have to remember, the more popular you become, the more people will be watching you. The more they will be looking for your secrets. The more they will be hunting for your weaknesses.”

“Xiao Zhan is not a weakness,” Yibo said stubbornly. “And I don’t want him to be a secret.”

There was a long silence.

“I know you don’t, son.”

The way the word fell from Han-ge’s mouth made something in Yibo ache. He didn’t know why, but he was blinking back tears.

“My mom is supportive,” Yibo said. He knew his dad would be too, eventually.

“That’s good, Yibo’er, that’s good.”

Another silence.

“Wang Yibo,” Han-ge finally spoke. “The most important part of being a man is to protect the people who need your protection.”

”Right,” Yibo agreed.

“Now that you and Xiao Zhan are dating, you have responsibilities.”

“Of course.”

“’Of course’ aiyo, this child. You’re not even letting him sleep! You need to sleep more. Xiao Zhan needs to sleep more.”

Oh. Right. 

Shit.

“Yibo,” Han-ge paused to look him in the eye. “You have to be careful. It’s not just your career that’s on the line anymore.”

“Right,” Yibo’s gut clenched, his knee bouncing rapidly. Of course he knew that – he wasn’t naive. It was just – he was dating the most incredible person he’d ever met. Xiao Zhan deserved the world, and Yibo wanted to give it to him.

“I know you want to show him off,” Han-ge looked at him pointedly. Yibo nodded, unable to lie.

A voice sprung up in Yibo’s mind, mocking, Lan Zhan wouldn’t be so reckless with Wei Ying .

Yibo’s gut clenched harder. Why did everyone think he was irresponsible? It wasn’t like Lan Zhan was perfect, anyway. Lan Zhan never even confessed.

Yibo confessed. Yibo didn’t lose Xiao Zhan. Yibo didn’t have to wait 13 years. 

Yibo could handle this.

Han-ge continued, “You have to think before you act. You understand?” 

“Yes,” Yibo said, his resolve solidifying. He wasn’t reckless. He would always put Xiao Zhan first.

“Good,” Han-ge said. Then his hand fell on Yibo’s shoulder, heavy and warm. “I’m only reminding you. I know you’re responsible. You’re growing up well.”

Yibo relaxed a little. “Thank you.”

As Han-ge started the car to take Yibo home, he spoke again. “Later on, I can have a chat with you and Xiao Zhan about how to manage things.”

“Okay,” Yibo accepted gratefully.

They rode in silence the rest of the way. When they pulled into the parking garage of Yibo’s building, Han-ge got out of the car too, and wrapped Yibo in a tight hug, before letting him go.

“My good Yibo,” Han-ge said.

Yibo nodded stiffly, his throat tight. As he turned to type his code into the keypad to let himself into the building, Han-ge yelled after him, “Go sleep!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yibo figured Han-ge’s lecture about sleep didn’t apply to his first night back on set, since he and Xiao Zhan had just had a night apart to rest. It was the second night when things got a bit more complicated.

“Lao Wang,” Xiao Zhan smiled at Yibo as he leaned against the wall.

Yibo smirked, and reached for Xiao Zhan.

Xian Zhan scooted out of reach. “Not here! In my room!”

They were standing in the hallway of their hotel floor again, late after another grueling day of filming. Yibo wanted more than (almost) anything to follow Xiao Zhan into his room, but he wouldn’t do it. They made out last night. So tonight they had to sleep.

“I can’t go in. You have to sleep,” he said. “We were up late last night. So tonight you have to sleep.”

“What are you talking about?” Xiao Zhan said with a faint pout.

“If I don’t sleep, you don’t sleep,” Yibo said.

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“Yes it does,” Yibo insisted. “If I stay up because I want to make out with you, that means I’m keeping you up too. I have to make sure you’re sleeping.”

Xiao Zhan thudded his head against the wall. “Aishhhh, Yibo, I can take care of myself! That’s not your responsibility.”

“Yes it is. I’m your boyfriend so I should take care of you.”

Xiao Zhan gawked at Yibo. “I’m an adult! You’re six years younger than me.”

Yibo frowned. “Six years doesn’t matter, I’m still your boyfriend.”

“Oh so I need a boyfriend to make decisions for me.” Something about Xiao Zhan’s voice made Yibo feel on edge.

“No, you just need to sleep more,” Yibo explained.

Xiao Zhan shoved himself away from the wall and fumbled in his pocket for his key. “Well I’m Your boyfriend, so I should take care of You ,” he retorted. 

He unlocked his door and marched into his room, and shouted behind him, “I’m going to bed, because You need to sleep more.” And then he slammed the door.

“ Oh my god ,” a muffled exclamation came from behind another door. “Both of you go to bed!”

“Sorry,” Yibo said to the empty hallway.

He hadn’t seen that one coming.

Xiao Zhan was his boyfriend too.

He turned and walked into his room, and spent a while puzzling through what it meant for both of them to be the boyfriend. He didn’t sleep much that night at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

“I’m the boyfriend boyfriend,” Yibo said the next morning while he watched to make sure Xiao Zhan ate some breakfast. “You’re the girlfriend boyfriend.” 

“Yibo,” Xiao Zhan hissed, eyes wide, “not here! Someone will hear us!” 

Yibo looked around the crowded cafeteria. Everyone seemed either engrossed in their own conversations, or half asleep. He was about to insist that no one was paying attention, when he remembered Han-ge’s warnings. Was he being careful enough? The cafeteria was kind of public, but it wasn’t public public. 

A solution sprang into his mind. 

“I’m the rooster rooster. You’re the hen rooster.”

Xiao Zhan full on groaned . 

“It’s too early for this.” He put down the spoonful of congee that was halfway to his mouth, and thudded his head on the table. “I’m goin backtasleep,” he mumbled.

Yibo considered the situation. Xiao Zhan needed to eat more, but he also needed to sleep. Yibo glanced at his phone. They had thirteen more minutes.

Yibo wolfed down his own breakfast while he kept a close eye on the time. After eight minutes passed, he reached over and gently nudged Xiao Zhan’s shoulder. “Zhan-ge, you have to wake up.”

Xiao Zhan groaned again, and then miserably blinked open his eyes. Yibo scooted his chair closer, and picked up Xiao Zhan’s spoon. He quickly ate off the cold bite of congee still on it, then stirred it into the bowl to get a fresher bite for Xiao Zhan. Xiao Zhan stared at the spoon hazily. Yibo brought the spoon to Xiao Zhan’s mouth, and after a moment he opened obediently, and swallowed the bite. 

Okay. This was working. Yibo reached for another spoonful.

“Ooooh,” a voice said behind him. Yibo looked disapprovingly in the direction of whoever had interrupted them. It was Xuan Lu. 

She walked over and bopped Xiao Zhan on the nose. “Xianxian is three,” she said. Xiao Zhan smiled up at her. 

“Xianxian needs shijie to take care of him,” Xiao Zhan whined.

Yibo frowned at Xuan Lu.

“Not when Xianxian has Lan-er-gege,” she said, nodding toward Yibo with a smile. 

Yibo frowned deeper.

“By the way, Yibo,” Xuan Lu had a twinkle in her eye. “You should read Incense Burner #2.”

“What?” Yibo asked, annoyed that this intrusion to his breakfast with Xiao Zhan was still going on.

“Just look it up,” she said, smiling sweetly.

“Wait, is that the one where —“ Xiao Zhan suddenly looked much more awake. “Shijie!” he yelled, and jumped out of his chair to hit her, while she yelped and ran away.

A second later, Yibo grabbed Xiao Zhan’s bowl of congee and chased them the rest of the way to the makeup room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yibo sat to the side of the set, already out of costume and glancing at the bright screen of his phone. It was dark, but Xiao Zhan was still filming the scene where Wei Wuxian had just been thrown by the Wens into the burial mounds. 

It had been a long day — after Xuan Lu interrupted them at breakfast, Yibo tried to get Xiao Zhan to finish his congee while they were in makeup, but Xiao Zhan refused. As the day wore on, each time Yibo tried to help Xiao Zhan with something, Xiao Zhan seemed to get more annoyed, insisting again and again that he could take care of himself. Not even an offering of 3+2 crackers worked. 

Now Yibo was sitting by the set in the dark, hoping at least he could help make Xiao Zhan’s late night slightly less miserable. The shoot was a very challenging scene for Xiao Zhan, and Yibo worried about how hard he was working. He was still holding onto the rejected 3+2 crackers and an extra bottle of green tea, just in case.

After the third take, Yibo’s eyes were starting to droop. He needed something to wake him up. Out of curiosity, he pulled up Baidu and typed in the phrase Xuan Lu had told him earlier in the morning, “Incense Burner #2.”

He got hundreds of thousands of results — incense burners for sale, images of ancient incense burners, snippets of poetry, and on and on. Soon he was reading an article about bronzeworking techniques used to create ancient incense burners, and then an article about archeological rescue projects trying to preserve artifacts unearthed by modern construction developments, and then an article about radio carbon dating. He was halfway through another article about thermoluminescence when Xiao Zhan walked up to him and nudged his leg against his knee. Yibo looked up at Xiao Zhan, who looked utterly exhausted, almost swaying as he stood.

Yibo hopped up from his chair, and pushed Xiao Zhan to sit down in his seat. Xiao Zhan followed without resistance. Yibo squatted by his bag to pull out the 3+2 crackers, opening the package and handing them to Xiao Zhan. Xiao Zhan took them silently, taking one out of the package and blinking sleepily.

“Are you done for the night?” Yibo asked. 

Xiao Zhan shook his head and sighed, and nibbled on the crackers. Yibo glanced back at the set and saw that several crew members were rapidly moving props around, probably adjusting the scenery to get a better shot. This meant Xiao Zhan might have to reshoot the whole scene.

Yibo handed Xiao Zhan his bottle of tea, and Xiao Zhan took a sip, and then handed it back. 

Xiao Zhan finally spoke, his voice weary. “You should go back and get some sleep. We might be here for a while longer.” 

He sighed again, and then pulled another cracker out of the package and began nibbling.

“No, I’ll stay,” Yibo said simply.

Xiao Zhan shook his head slightly, but he didn’t say anything else.

“Are you hungry?” Yibo asked. “I’ll order you something.”

“No,” Xiao Zhan said, finishing the cracker and closing his eyes.

Yibo was worried. “Eat another,” he prompted. 

Xiao Zhan groaned faintly. 

“Eat another, Zhan-ge,” he repeated. “You need energy.”

Xiao Zhan didn’t respond.

Yibo reached into the package and pulled out another cracker, and put it in Xiao Zhan’s hand. Xiao Zhan slowly lifted the cracker to his mouth and ate.

“Thirsty,” he mumbled, his eyes still closed. Yibo handed him back the tea.

Yibo managed to feed Xiao Zhan a whole sleeve of 3+2 crackers before he got called back to filming. Yibo gave him a hand to stand up, and for a moment, Xiao Zhan leaned against Yibo, laying his head on his shoulder.

Yibo couldn’t help himself and stroked Xiao Zhan’s hair. He spoke softly, “It’s okay baobao. You’re almost done.”

Xiao Zhan nodded faintly against his shoulder. Yibo’s chest ached.

Yet Yibo’s hopes for a swift end to the shoot proved futile. After a couple more takes Yibo pulled his phone out again, and tried the incense burner search for a second time, this time using a vpn. None of the results caught his eye. He didn’t know exactly what Xuan Lu had been referring to, but he figured these results were not it.

what’s incense burner 2 , he texted Xuan Lu.

Three minutes later, he received a pdf attachment and a winky face.

Yibo opened the pdf.

A couple of pages in, he realized it was a very bad idea to be reading this on set. He hastily locked his phone screen and put it in his pocket, cursing the shorts he’d already changed into. At least his costume robes afforded him a bit more leeway in moments like this.

He tapped his foot and looked around to find something to distract himself. But, as always, his eyes went straight to Xiao Zhan, who looked unbearably beautiful even in his wretched state, covered with makeup bruises and tattered robes, crawling forward and straining to grab the cursed sword floating in front of him. 

Fuck . This wasn’t helping the matter at hand.

Xiao Zhan’s hand closed around the hilt of the sword, and a vivid array of images crashed through Yibo’s mind, swords and hilts and holes and hands and hard objects —

Yibo wrenched his attention away, and jumped up and jogged away from the set. He needed to clear his head immediately , or this already frustrating day was about to get a whole lot more embarrassing. 

Yibo arrived in the cafeteria and spotted his skateboard leaning against a wall. He grabbed it, and went back outside to skate back and forth on the sidewalk until finally, his head started to clear. He fell into a flow of motion, night air rushing past him as he practiced a new trick over and over. 

Eventually he saw Xiao Zhan and a few other crew walking toward the building.

“Where’d you go?” Xiao Zhan asked as he approached, his voice bleary with exhaustion.

“Just here,” Yibo answered.

“Why’d you leave?” Xiao Zhan pouted.

Yibo stared at Xiao Zhan. He didn’t know how to answer the question. All the images he’d tried to clear away came tumbling right back into his mind. He swallowed hard.

Xiao Zhan’s face changed. “Were you messaging someone?” 

“No,” Yibo answered quickly. Xiao Zhan didn’t look convinced. “Really,” he said, and pulled out his phone and handed it to Xiao Zhan. “Look.”

Xiao Zhan typed in Yibo’s passcode. A moment later his eyes widened, and Yibo remembered what was last on his screen.

“You left to go read this?” Xiao Zhan asked, incredulous.

Yibo’s ears burned red. “No, I didn’t know what it was,” he tried to explain. “I just needed to, uhhh, I had to take a break.”

Xiao Zhan blinked slowly as he considered Yibo’s words, but then he frowned and mumbled, “You left me behind.”

Yibo was relieved Xiao Zhan wasn’t asking more about the incense burner chapter, but confused why he seemed displeased.

“No I didn’t, I was waiting over here,” Yibo pointed out.

Xiao Zhan stared at him hard, and then turned and walked into the building without saying another word. Yibo followed after him, but Xiao Zhan slammed the door to the changing room before he caught up.

Yibo waited at the door, chewing his thumbnail. As soon as it opened, he asked, “Why are you upset?”

Xiao Zhan brushed past him without saying a word and went to get his wig and makeup taken off. Yibo followed behind, asking him again what was wrong, and Xiao Zhan continued to ignore him. 

They sat next to each other in silence on the bus back to the hotel, and when they got back to their rooms, Yibo grabbed Xiao Zhan’s wrist before he could disappear behind a slamming door again.

“I’m sorry,” Yibo said, anxiety gnawing at his gut. “Why are you upset?”

Xiao Zhan tugged at his arm, but Yibo didn’t let go. Xiao Zhan sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping, and finally spoke, “Let me go.”

Yibo tightened his grip, feeling stubborn. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Xiao Zhan tried to jerk his arm free, but Yibo refused to let go. Halfway down the hall, he heard the elevator ding.

“Let me go,” Xiao Zhan said again. “I don’t want anyone to see us.”

Yibo didn’t let go, but instead felt around with his free hand for his key in his pocket, and unlocked his door. He pulled Xiao Zhan inside, quickly turning on the lights, and nudging the door shut with his foot.

He turned and looked at Xiao Zhan.

“What’s wrong?”

“Why won’t you leave me alone?” Xiao Zhan said miserably, stomping his foot.

“Just tell me what’s wrong,” Yibo insisted.

“Yibooooo,” Xiao Zhan whined. “You have to let me go.”

Yibo shook his head. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m tired. I have to go to bed.”

Yibo stared at him. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Xiao Zhan pouted.

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

Xiao Zhan sighed again, and looked at his feet.

“What’s wrong?” Yibo asked again.

Xiao Zhan stayed silent for several more seconds, and then he muttered, “You weren’t there.”

“I was there,” Yibo said. “I waited for you to finish.”

Xiao Zhan groaned, looking at Yibo with exasperation. “You left to read porn and skateboard.”

Yibo tried to explain again. “I didn’t know what it was, I just looked up what Xuan Lu told me.”

“You should have just left earlier when I told you to,” Xiao Zhan scolded. 

“I didn’t want to leave,” Yibo insisted. “You’ve been working too hard.”

“And how is you staying late going to help? You don’t sleep enough!”

“I’m fine,” Yibo insisted. “I wanted to look after you.”

“I don’t need you to look after me!” Xiao Zhan jerked his arm fully out of Yibo’s grasp and headed toward the door.

Yibo’s mind was racing. “But you’re upset that I wasn’t there.”

Xiao Zhan whipped around to face him again. “You admit that you weren’t there!”

“I wasn’t there, I was wrong, I wasn’t there,” Yibo said, agitated. “But I didn’t want to leave.”

“Then why did you leave!”

Yibo didn’t know what to say. “...You looked too pretty.”

“I looked horrible, what are you talking about?” 

“You could never look horrible, you are always handsome,” Yibo insisted urgently.

“What does that have to do with anything!” Xiao Zhan’s voice rose in exasperation.

“Because,” Yibo wracked his brain for how to explain, “I started reading Incense Burner 2, but then I stopped. But then you were on the ground like that, and you were so beautiful....”

Xiao Zhan blinked several times, and then spoke, his voice incredulous. “Are you telling me you got so turned on watching me that you had to go walk it off?”

“Yes,” Yibo affirmed, relieved. 

Xiao Zhan’s mouth had opened, and his eyes were wide. “Are you even human!” he sputtered.

Yibo let out a breath, and couldn’t help a smirk.

“You’re smiling!” Xiao Zhan exclaimed, hitting Yibo again.

“I’m sorry, Zhan-ge,” he said, with a choked laugh.

“You’re laughing!” Xiao Zhan yelled, and Yibo broke into a full cackle.

“You’re just too hot, Zhan-ge,” he choked out through his laughter.

“You!” Xiao Zhan began to beat him with both hands. Yibo crouched under the rain of blows, cackling uncontrollably.

Finally he was able to calm down enough to stand up straight and catch Xiao Zhan’s arms. Xiao Zhan squirmed out of his grasp and stood just out of reach, catching his breath.

Yibo grinned. “You wanted me there.”

“Shut up,” Xiao Zhan said, pouting.

“You wanted me there,” Yibo repeated, gleeful.

“I’m going to bed!” Xiao Zhan yelled, pulling the door open behind him.

“You missed me!” Yibo shouted as Xiao Zhan ran out into the hall.

Xiao Zhan turned and stuck out his tongue before darting into his own room.

Yibo stared grinning out at the hall for several moments, before closing his door, and re-opening Xuan Lu’s pdf on his phone.

Chapter Text

An alarm blared, the sound drilling into Xiao Zhan’s ears as he smashed his face into his pillow. He was too tired even to moan as he reached out, fumbling to find his phone on the nightstand. His fingers felt the hard plastic edge of the case, and he poked randomly at the screen until the offensive sound stopped.

Not two seconds later the alarm was blaring again. Clearly it hated him. Xiao Zhan grabbed his phone this time, determined to turn the alarm off properly, forcing his eyes open to look at the screen.

Awfully, he saw that the time was 4:39 am, and a moment of realization pierced through his foggy brain. He had to be in his makeup chair by 5:30 am, and it was a twenty minute drive from the hotel.

He had to get out of bed.

It’s not like Xiao Zhan didn’t know how to push through extreme exhaustion. He’d survived weeks on end sleeping only an hour or two a night during his idol competition days. Even back when he was a designer, he’d pulled countless all-nighters, finishing big projects for finicky clients, or tackling the endless tasks that it took to start his own business. Exhaustion was no match for his sheer will-power. 

And filming Chen Qing Ling wasn’t just any task he was pushing himself to do. Through every fiber of his being, he loved it. He loved the challenge, loved the focus, loved the people, loved discovering every day how to better do justice to Wei Ying.

But in this moment, his strength of will seemed to have suddenly evaporated. He desperately wanted nothing more than to stay hidden under the covers; he just needed the rest of the world to disappear.

A loud knock on his door made him jump, his heart racing furiously. He groaned into his pillow. 

He didn’t want to deal with Yibo.

He felt the drag of sleepiness pulling him under again, his mind only half-fighting to stay conscious. Really, the merits of waking up were not that convincing. 

Sharper knocks on the door pierced through his haze. He jerked more fully awake.

Actually, he hated Wang Yibo.

The knocking continued.

He turned his head toward the door and forced himself to yell out, his voice croaking, “I’m awake.”

“Okay,” Yibo’s deep tone answered through the door back to him. 

Hopefully he’d leave Xiao Zhan alone now.

Xiao Zhan slowly pushed himself up, and then with a terrible effort of will stood up from the bed. He stumbled toward the bathroom, catching himself on the door frame before he tripped.

He stared blearily at his reflection in the mirror, toothbrush moving slowly. Everything felt slow, as if time had warped. Dark bags hung under his eyes; his shoulders drooped; his skin looked a little pallid.

God, he was a fucking mess.

Memories of his argument with Yibo last night pushed in his mind, and he moaned with embarrassment.

At least Wei Ying — Wei Ying was wild, yes, but always for a good reason. He wasn’t messy just because he was too stubborn, or too needy, or couldn’t make up his mind. His reckless moments were born from his incredible spirit, outpourings of love, sacrifice, and courage.

Xiao Zhan, on other hand….

With another pang of shame, Xiao Zhan realized that he’d been so distracted by Yibo last night that he’d forgotten to study today’s lines before falling asleep.

Unprofessional. Undisciplined.

Many hazy moments later, Xiao Zhan found himself sitting in a t-shirt and underwear on the edge of his bed, trying to will his eyes to focus on the words swimming on the page in front of him.

He startled at several more loud raps on the door, fighting off a wave of irrational rage.

Yibo called, “Are you ready?”

Xiao Zhan rubbed his eyes. 

Oh. Where were his glasses.

“Zhan-ge, are you up?” Yibo’s voice was even louder.

“Yeah,” Xiao Zhan answered, too drained to put any conviction in his tone.

“Are you okay?” Yibo asked back through the door.

“Okay,” Xiao Zhan answered, still sitting on the edge of his bed, unable to will his body to move again. 

Another loud knock.

“What,” he said.

“Can I come in?” Yibo asked.

Xiao Zhan didn’t want to say yes. He really couldn’t handle Yibo right now.

“Okay.”

The next moment Yibo was unlocking the door and striding into his room, full of an ungodly amount of energy for this hour in the morning.

“Do you need any help?” Yibo asked, a slight edge of concern to his voice.

Xiao Zhan sighed. He was a grown man. He didn’t need help getting dressed in the morning.

But he heard himself saying, “Where are my glasses?”

Yibo swiftly took to rummaging through his room, and thirty seconds later handed Xiao Zhan his glasses.

Xiao Zhan put them on, and looked back down at the script in his hands. The words were clearer, but he still couldn’t make any sense of them. He scrunched his eyebrows.

“I can help you study your lines on the bus,” Yibo offered.

Xiao Zhan’s head nodded.

He tried to will his mind to take hold. He needed to stand up next. Stand up and find some shorts and put them on and walk out the door and get on the bus and study lines and — 

Yibo was kneeling next to him and lifting his foot through the leg of a pair of athletic shorts.

Xiao Zhan felt a swift flush of heat in his face. The warmth of Yibo’s hands on his bare skin seared into his delirious consciousness. He found himself wondering whether this was actually happening. Yibo’s steady hands quickly slid the fabric up Xiao Zhan’s legs.

Xiao Zhan should protest. Should swat Yibo away and take charge of getting himself the rest of the way ready.

“Um,” Yibo paused, the shorts maneuvered halfway up Xiao Zhan’s thighs.

Blushing deeper, Xiao Zhan leaned back on his hands and lifted his ass, and Yibo slid his shorts the rest of the way on.

Xiao Zhan landed with a soft thud back on the mattress, but Yibo’s hand lingered for a moment at his waist. The tips of Yibo’s ears were a distinct red, and he looked up at Xiao Zhan with a slightly unsure expression in his eyes.

Xiao Zhan felt hot. Yibo’s hand on his side was electric, overwhelming. He felt a little dizzy, magnetized, unable to put a thought together. 

“Zhan-ge?”

Xiao Zhan fought a sudden urge to lean forward, cup those soft checks in his hands, stare into those earnest eyes, press his lips —

He shook his head violently. He HAD to wake up. He. Had. To. Get. Ahold. Of. Himself!

He tried to push himself up off the bed, but Yibo’s pushed him back down, and stood swiftly.

“Wait,” he commanded.

Xiao Zhan waited, caught by a sudden ache when the sensation of Yibo’s touch left him.

Yibo rummaged around in his drawers until he came up with a clean pair of socks. He came back and knelt on one knee in front of Xiao Zhan, and pulled on the socks. Xiao Zhan was dimly aware of a shiver racing over his skin.

Yibo then grabbed his shoes and slid Xiao Zhan’s feet into them, and tied them.

This really wasn’t a dream.

Xiao Zhan felt his heart beating fast. He wanted to cover his blazing cheeks but he felt frozen to the spot. He didn’t know if he might laugh or cry. He should probably scold Yibo for being so presumptuous.

And then Yibo had packed Xiao Zhan’s script and water bottle into his backpack, and then he was grasping Xiao Zhan’s hand and pulling him up and out the door. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He definitely should have scolded Yibo.

Two minutes into breakfast it had become painfully clear that Yibo had finished reading Incense Burner #2 last night.

“Who’s the husband?” Yibo said, smirking as he slurped his noodles.

Actually, he should never have let Yibo into his room. He shouldn’t have even gotten out of bed. 

“I am,” Xiao Zhan said defiantly.

“No!” Yibo exclaimed. “No, I am.”

Xiao Zhan raised his eyebrows slightly. He crossed his arms and tilted his chair back from the table. “Me.”

Yibo swiftly pushed his chair down and Xiao Zhan’s arms flew out to keep his balance.

Yibo grabbed his wrist. “Who’s the husband,” he repeated, his voice more insistent.

Xiao Zhan resolutely ignored the flush that rushed down from his neck, as Yibo’s hand completely encircled his wrist. Surely he could win once .

“Me,” he said, staring fiercely at Yibo.

Suddenly both of his wrists were caught, held still by Yibo’s single hand.

God , Xiao Zhan’s body wanted to betray him. He fought a shudder and kicked hard at Yibo’s leg under the table.

Yibo caught Xiao Zhan’s foot between his knees, and his grip tightened on Xiao Zhan’s wrists. “Who’s the husband.”

Xiao Zhan’s head swam for a minute, but he clawed back his focus. New tactic. He sighed and pouted slightly. “I can’t eat like this.”

Yibo paused, and looked at Xiao Zhan’s immobilized hands. Then with his free hand he picked up Xiao Zhan’s bowl of noodles and held it to his lips.

“Eat,” he said.

Xiao Zhan absolutely was not going to open his lips.

Yibo stared at him. “Zhan-ge.”

Xiao Zhan stared back.

Yibo nudged the bowl at his lips. “Baobao.”

Xiao Zhan ignored the way his spine tried relax. He was not a baby who needed taking care of.

Yibo leaned in, and spoke, quieter and closer, “Laopo.”

Before Xiao Zhan could catch himself, his lips parted in surprise, and a moment later he felt warm broth and noodles sliding into his mouth. He swallowed.

Yibo guffawed with triumph and let go of Xiao Zhan’s wrists. Xiao Zhan started hitting him, but it had no effect as he cackled with glee.

“Shameless! Crazy!” Xiao Zhan accused. Yibo couldn’t stop cackling. “Laopo who’s laopo!”

Yibo got control of his laughter just long enough to stare Xiao Zhan straight in the eyes. “You.” And then he collapsed back into his cackles.

Xiao Zhan stopped hitting Yibo and gave a long, long sigh. Yibo was relentless. 

Was there no way out of this?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yibo was upbeat all day. He was as persistent as ever in trying to make Xiao Zhan eat more, and trying to get Xiao Zhan to look at him more, and trying to get Xiao Zhan to fight with him more.

Xiao Zhan was too tired to react much. Somehow he kept letting Yibo put food in his mouth, and he groaned and pitifully laughed and begged Yibo to stop every time he hit him. 

He didn’t seem to be totally in charge of his body anymore.

Yibo was just so there .

Somehow he didn’t even have the energy to hate it.

That evening, Xiao Zhan again had scenes that Lan Zhan was not a part of. And Yibo again hung around.

As he worked, Xiao Zhan’s eyes kept glancing over to see if Yibo was still there. 

And Yibo kept being there, sitting off to the side, more often than not already gazing right back at him.

The relief in Xiao Zhan’s chest terrified him.

Xiao Zhan felt strangely tentative as he walked up to Yibo a little while later, who had waited for him while he changed out of his costume.

Yibo grinned at him.

Xiao Zhan blushed. He’d ended work on the early side tonight, and his tattered sense of discipline had no barriers left to throw up. He smiled. “So do you wanna…” he faltered, and bit his lip.

Yibo’s face fell into seriousness. “I have to fly out tonight. We have an extra early shoot tomorrow.”

“To Changsha? I thought that was on Tuesdays,” he said. He tried to ignore the sudden hollowing of his stomach.

Yibo huffed. “Tomorrow is Tuesday.”

Xiao Zhan frowned. He couldn’t believe how close he felt to crying. 

“I’m sorry,” Yibo’s amusement vanished in a second. “I’ll be back Thursday.”

“Thursday?” He felt a strange jab of desperation. That was so many days from now.

“I’ll call you,” Yibo sounded eager.

“Why Thursday,” Xiao Zhan mumbled.

“After DDU, I’m filming for Produce 101, and then I have an ad shoot in Beijing.” 

Xiao Zhan felt a wild heat rising in his throat. “Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?”

“I did, I told you a couple days ago I was flying out tonight,” Yibo insisted.

Xiao Zhan was a fool, he suddenly realized. He’d let himself — he’d let his guard — he’d let himself want —

Out of his mouth came a sound so wounded and coquettish it couldn’t actually be him — “Don’t go.”

“I have to go,” Yibo said, grasping his hands tightly. Why did Yibo have to be so damn practical ? “I promise I’ll call you,” he repeated, sounding anxious. 

Xiao Zhan looked to the side, refusing to meet Yibo’s eyes. He pouted. He felt wrong-footed. Of course he knew Yibo had to go. It was just — just —

How could he make Xiao Zhan rely on him like that and then just disappear ???

“You can’t go,” Xiao Zhan found himself saying again.

“I promise I’ll be back soon. I’ll call every day,” Yibo tried to coax, his grip on Xiao Zhan’s hands tightening.

Xiao Zhan tried to wrench his hands free. “ Bo-ge , you’re hurting me,” he whimpered.

Yibo’s eyes flashed with intensity. And then he was dragging Xiao Zhan around the side of the building, pulling them into the shadows.

Xiao Zhan felt his body being pressed up against the wall. A wild, irrational satisfaction was crashing through him.

“Call me that again,” Yibo demanded.

Xiao Zhan smiled dangerously. “Tell me you won’t go.”

Yibo’s chest pressed against his, and Yibo’s leg jutted between his thighs. Shivers flew all over his skin.

“Call me Bo-ge.”

“No.”

Hot lips pressed against his mouth, forcing it open, hot tongue plunging inside, knocking his head back against the wall, huge hands pulling his arms tight against the rough bricks, he was pinned, being devoured by undulating muscle, drowning drowning drowning thank god his head swam he could finally breathe

“Call me Bo-ge,” urgent hot breath by his cheek

And he gasped a breathy “No”

And then his mouth was being furiously swallowed, hot wet muscle pushing, attacking, and he rose to meet it, his tongue plunging back, begging to be beaten, begging to be submerged, Yibo could intrude into him forever, he wanted that, he could disappear into this forever

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He was senseless to time when Yibo finally slowly, achingly pulled away. Yibo pressed their foreheads together, his voice dark and raspy. “Zhan-ge.” Several breaths. “I’ll call you.”

Xiao Zhan nodded mutely, and then Yibo was peppering kisses all over his face, his neck, his hands, “I’ll call you, I’ll come back soon, I’ll be back soon.”

And Xiao Zhan found himself giggling at the ministrations, tickled helpless, until he mustered the energy and shoved Yibo’s chest, pushing him fully away.

Yibo looked a little dazed for a second, and then he grinned. “I’ll see you soon, Zhan-ge.”

Xiao Zhan shook his head, smiling. “You’re gonna be late.”

Yibo nodded, and jogged away, turning his head around to grin at Xiao Zhan several times.

Once he was fully out of sight, Xiao Zhan sagged against the wall, sliding down until he sat, curled up and hugging his knees.

His mind was mercifully quiet for once, drifting lightly as the racing of his heart slowed. His body hummed with a quiet glow.

Eventually he made himself stand up and make his way to the parking lot, where a car was waiting for him — he’d missed the bus. He apologized for the trouble, easily accepting the chiding he received for disappearing. He made his way quietly back to his hotel and room, and fell asleep immediately.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first day without Yibo started fine. Xiao Zhan woke up unusually well rested. He was focused and alert as he reviewed his lines, and he quickly became absorbed into the work of the day.

Yibo called him first thing in the morning, and texted him anytime he had a break in his DDU schedule. He even ordered a couple of Xiao Zhan’s favorite foods to be delivered to the set. Xiao Zhan rolled his eyes at the excess, but couldn’t help feeling warm in his heart when he nibbled on one of his favorite pastries during a break.

But as the day wore on, the anxiety of the scenes they were filming lodged in his body. They were shooting scenes from the Wen massacre of Lotus Pier, and would continue for the whole three days Yibo was gone. The first day was focused on the initial confrontation with the Wens, Madam Yu whipping Wei Ying with Zidian and fighting Wen Zhuliu.

The fight scenes were exciting, and Xiao Zhan always had fun playing around with Shijie and Jiang Cheng on set. But he couldn’t shake the sense of imminent doom. He knew that no matter how they persuaded or fought, they would not escape what was coming for them.

Yibo called that night, of course. He was full of bright chatterings about the field trip DDU had sent him on to a nearby farm. Xiao Zhan felt his cheeks rising in a smile as he listened to Yibo’s endless curiosity and excitement.

When Yibo asked how Xiao Zhan’s day was, Xiao Zhan only talked about the light-hearted parts, like when Jiang Cheng had tripped on his robe three times in a row. He definitely wasn’t going to mention the dragging, anxious feeling at the back of his mind. He couldn’t really even explain it himself, and the last thing he needed was Yibo worrying about him more .

It took many tries to get Yibo to hang up the phone. Xiao Zhan finally resorted to scolding him for not getting enough sleep, which in turn reminded Yibo that he thought he was supposed to be making sure Xiao Zhan slept more. 

This ridiculous kid!  

But it worked.

And then Xiao Zhan was sitting in his quiet room, all alone. It felt so empty, all of a sudden.

He busied himself with a few tasks — looking over his lines for tomorrow, gathering his dirty clothes for laundry, taking a quick shower. He was back to his functional self again.

It should’ve felt like a relief.

But as he lay in bed, the quiet just felt so… quiet . The dark felt so dark . There was a vastness to the night around him.

He had strange dreams that night. 

He was standing behind a tall metal fence, watching a child run gleefully around a playground, scaling ladders and tumbling down slides. Xiao Zhan smiled as he watched, taken by the utter abandon of the child’s joy. 

The child was alone, but he didn’t seem to be bothered by it. He didn’t notice Xiao Zhan watching him.

Suddenly, heavy clouds crowded the sky.

Xiao Zhan looked back at the child, who didn’t seem to notice the disappearance of the sun. He kept running around the play structure, fighting sword battles with imaginary enemies, jumping onto a swing and pumping his legs to go as high as possible.

Xiao Zhan wondered where his caregivers were. He shouldn’t stay out any longer; it looked like it was about to storm.

Xiao Zhan heard a rumble of thunder.

A tight anxiety gripped Xiao his gut. The child needed to get to shelter. 

Xiao Zhan started looking for a gate in the fence to go in and help the child. He couldn’t find one. He tried to run around the fence to the other side, but as soon as he started running, the fence multiplied and stretched off into the horizon, so that there was no corner for him to turn. There were no gates, no breaks, just lines of unforgiving metal bars as far as he could see. 

Xiao Zhan looked over at the child, who continued playing. He still didn’t seem to notice the threatening sky or cracks of thunder. Xiao Zhan fought a rising panic in his chest.

And then the child looked up, right at Xiao Zhan. Xiao Zhan’s heart stopped. He knew that face. He knew those sharp, laser-focused eyes.

Suddenly a woman appeared next to Xiao Zhan, wearing the red and black robes of the Wen clan, leering at him with malice.

“You shot down the sun,” she accused with satisfaction. “He will pay the price.” She turned her head to stare at the child, a cruel smile curling her lip.

“No, no,” Xiao Zhan grasped her arm in panic. “Not him! I will pay the price! I will pay the price!”

She shook him off as a heavy sheet of rain descended upon them. 

The rain fell so thick that the world around him turned dark. He could no longer see the child. He ran to the fence and tried to scale it, limbs scrambling uselessly against the smooth wet metal bars.

“Wait!” He shouted. “I’m coming to help you!”

Behind him he heard the woman give a terrible, ecstatic laugh. “You can’t help him! He’s already gone!”

Xiao Zhan shook his head in terror and tried again and again to climb the fence. He shouted desperately, “I’m coming for you! I’m coming for you!” 

The rain and wind whipped his words away from him. He couldn’t find the way through.

———- 

Xiao Zhan awoke with a shout, his heart pounding furiously. A jarring musical sound rang confusingly in his ears.

He sat up in a panic, his eyes urgently searching the dark around him. Where was the child??? He was up and halfway to the door before his mind caught up with him, slowly pressing him back to reality with the realization that he was in his hotel room. There was no storm. There was no lost child. 

It was just a dream. It wasn’t real. It was just a dream.

He repeated this litany to himself, forcing himself to slow his breathing, sitting back down on the bed.

His phone was still ringing. He picked it up and looked at the screen.

Of course it was Yibo.

He couldn’t talk to him right now. He declined the call.

He looked at the time. Shit , it was already 5 am. He must have slept through his alarm.

Xiao Zhan allowed himself thirty more seconds, forcing himself to breathe slowly, shoving the horror of the dream out of his mind. And then he groaned and jumped out of bed, running through his morning routine as quickly as possible.

It was 5:13 by the time he was running out to the bus, which had mercifully waited for him.

He slumped into a seat and opened the slew of messages from Yibo —

Are you awake?

Why didn’t you answer?

Are you okay?

Did you sleep well?

Do you want a coffee?

Xiao Zhan replied, trying to sound more cheerful than he felt. I’m okay! I just woke up late. I don’t need a coffee, they have it on set!

Yibo's replies were immediate —

How did you sleep?

I already ordered you an espresso 

And a croissant 

Xiao Zhan sighed and rolled his eyes, but couldn’t keep the slightest smile from crossing his lips. 

He texted back, gouzaizai, don’t you ever stop?, and pulled out his script.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Day two without Yibo was harder. During the day they filmed their forced escape from Lotus Pier, Wei Ying and his siblings sobbing and bound by Zidian as they floated helplessly down the river. Late in the night they filmed the hasty, sneaky return to Lotus Pier, where they were confronted with the horrifying sight of massacred bodies everywhere.

Xiao Zhan couldn’t stop looking at the crumpled forms of the little shidi’s and shimei’s all over the ground. He couldn’t stop thinking of the child in his dreams. Horror gripped his heart and hollowed his guts.

He couldn’t shake out of it. After they wrapped for the night, very late, everyone seemed a little quiet. Shijie said a few soft words to him, and the director had put his hand on his shoulder comfortingly. They all seemed far away.

He stared through the window of the bus the whole way home. The alternation of electric lights and dark night slid through his vision, lulling his threadbare heart. He immediately collapsed into bed once he made it back to his room.

He was falling and falling, black robes whipping in the wind, terror rising towards him endlessly. He tried to scream but his voice was a breathless croak, snatched from him before it could even begin. Ghostly, bony hands shot toward him, grasping, tearing, pulling him ever faster down. He couldn’t breathe; the ground rushed toward him; he was going to die —

He was crawling toward the sword, surrounded by broken earth and vengeful screams. 

But he saw the light of cameras above him, and he understood he was on set, that this was just acting. He would be okay if he could just —

He looked to the side, to the seat Yibo should be sitting in. But there was no one there.

He looked back in front of him to where the cameras should be, but there were no more lights. He was surrounded by dimness, a grey-red glow that only barely let him make out the rough ground below him, the leering sword ahead. 

He caught a rush of movement by his side, and looked in fright. It was the child, dressed in white robes, running past him, past the sword, away from him.

Xiao Zhan lurched in panic, scrambling to stand, to run and catch up to the child, grab him hold him protect him – but his limbs didn’t work, his feet couldn’t hold the ground, his legs crumpled askew – he shouted at the child to stop – the screams closed in around him, multiplying, deafening, and the child disappeared into the darkness, and something pulled Xiao Zhan into the earth.

He woke gasping for breath, his throat dry as his lungs desperately pulled in air. The child where is the child — He tried to push himself up to run after him, but his hands felt the smooth cloth of his sheets, and he realized he was not in the Burial Mounds. He gripped the edges of his blanket, trying to hold onto something, to ground himself. He tried to focus his attention on the feel of the fabric, soft with a slight scratchiness. He was in bed; there was no child to save; he could breathe; he could breathe  

— it’s okay, it’s okay —

Gradually his breath slowed. He noticed that his face was wet.

Was that what it was like, A-Ying?

Xiao Zhan felt a flood of grief. Wei Ying had tried so hard to save everyone. He had been so, so alone.

Xiao Zhan hugged a pillow to his chest, letting the sorrow wash through him. Wei Ying had lost so much. He had suffered so much. 

He had tried so, so hard, and everything around him had still turned to ash.

Xiao Zhan buried his face in the pillow. He breathed in its scent, a lingering hint of detergent, the earthiness of all the nights his body had rested on it. Slowly the torrent of feelings subsided, leaving Xiao Zhan spent and still. The room was dark and quiet. His mind drifted. 

Xiao Zhan didn’t know what it would be like to see Yibo again. He was flying back tonight. It felt like he’d been gone for a month.

Xiao Zhan sighed. He tried to let himself relax back into sleep. But his mind wouldn’t rest, sharpening instead with unwelcome thoughts.

How could he handle months at a time separated from Yibo, if he fell apart like this after less than three days? They didn’t live normal lives. They would be apart a lot of the time.

They would be apart most of the time.

They wouldn’t see each other every day. They wouldn’t be able to touch each other. Xiao Zhan wouldn’t get to cook for Yibo every day. He wouldn’t get to go to sleep in Yibo’s arms. They wouldn’t settle into a cozy home together. They wouldn’t get to raise kids together.

Xiao Zhan hugged the pillow tighter against his chest. 

He thought he had given that all up. 

He’d made a choice when he auditioned for X-Fire. He had chosen his passion, his need to sing and perform. He had chosen to devote himself to creative challenge, to strive always for continual growth. He’d chosen to follow his heart and his ambition. 

And he’d accepted whatever sacrifices this path demanded. He’d made peace with setting aside other dreams, old dreams of a partner, of kids, of the sweetness of a normal life.

Or, he thought he’d made peace with letting all that go. 

This didn’t feel like peace.

He was being stripped bare.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xiao Zhan noticed lots of notifications from Yibo on his phone when his alarm went off a little later that morning, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at them. He felt completely wrung out.

Maybe he could swing by Yibo’s room later that night to say hi, if he finished filming early enough. He wouldn’t want to disturb Yibo’s rest – Yibo had been flying red-eyes and working non-stop since he’d left. His flight was supposed to get in around 5 pm, but he didn’t have any scenes to shoot til the next morning, so it would make sense for him to go back to the hotel and rest once he got in.

Xiao Zhan quickly was distracted away from thinking about the messages and Yibo once he started working. It took everything he had to bring himself fully into another day immersed in the Lotus Pier tragedy.

They spent the day filming scenes of flight from Lotus Pier. In the daytime they shot anxious scenes of hiding and searching in an unfamiliar city for food and medicine to treat Shijie’s illness. Later, nearing dusk, they shot the scenes of Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng running and collapsing in a field of waving grass. They had fought desperately, Jiang Cheng shouting every blame from his heart into Wei Ying’s broken spirit.

Wei Ying was bereft. It was his fault. He’d brought this doom on them. He had killed them all. 

A familiar, awful swooping tore through his stomach as he lay in the grass, weeping with his brother.

When the director had finally yelled cut, Jiang Cheng sat up, and wiped his face with his sleeve. He sat for a moment, staring into the dusky light settling over the landscape.

Then he shifted to look at Xiao Zhan, and offered a hand to help him sit up.

“You okay?” he asked, his eyes narrowed quizzically as he looked at Xiao Zhan’s face.

Xiao Zhan didn’t know what Jiang Cheng saw there, but he smiled slightly and nodded, hoping he looked composed enough. He would eventually be okay, at least. He didn’t need anyone else worrying about him.

Jiang Cheng looked at him for another moment, and then gave a small wry laugh. “That was….”

Xiao Zhan nodded silently. He relaxed slightly; apparently he’d been convincing enough. He smiled bigger, “You were great.”

Jiang Cheng looked genuinely pleased, muttering a slightly embarrassed, “Thank you.”

Xiao Zhan patted him on the shoulder, and stood up and made himself stretch. Maybe once he could get back to the hotel and into a cool shower, he’d feel clearer. 

Xiao Zhan walked toward where the cameras were stationed on the edge of the field, but then suddenly stopped.

In the midst of the mess of the crew busy dismantling their setup, he spotted a familiar silhouette. Slightly hunched shoulders, hands in pockets, eyes shining in the fading light, locked directly on him.

Xiao Zhan’s heart raced. Of course Yibo had come to set. He would never just do the sensible thing and go back to rest. 

Xiao Zhan resumed walking, ignoring the skittering of his heart, and strode up to Yibo. 

“Yibo, aiyo, why didn’t you go back to the hotel? You’ve been working so hard – you need to rest!” Xiao Zhan chastised.

“Zhan-ge, are you okay?” Yibo ignored his chiding; his voice was urgent with concern.

“Of course I’m okay,” Xiao Zhan smiled. “Silly, why aren’t you resting?”

Yibo’s brow knotted. “Are you really okay? Have you been eating?”

Xiao Zhan gave an exasperated sigh, and hit Yibo’s arm. “Of course I’ve been eating, I know how to take care of myself!” 

But Yibo’s face became more clouded. 

“Why did you stop answering me?”

Xiao Zhan’s heart skipped a beat. Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t answered any calls or responded to any of Yibo’s messages in almost two days. 

Two whole days.

“I — “ he faltered. He felt his face turning red.

He suddenly felt extremely aware of all the crew around them, of their nearby movements, of their glances. 

“Um.” He grabbed Yibo’s wrist, and dragged him toward a nearby copse of trees, stopping once they were covered in the deepening shadows.

He dropped Yibo’s arm, but hesitated. He didn’t know what to say.

“Why didn’t you answer?” Yibo insisted. “Are you mad at me?”

Hot guilt flooded Xiao Zhan’s belly.

“Did I do something wrong?” 

Xiao Zhan’s heart was plummeting. How could he have been so selfish ? Who cares if he was feeling a little off — it was his own fault he was a mess. He’s the one who couldn’t hold it together. How could he have thought so little about what Yibo needed? He was a terrible boyfriend.

Xiao Zhan shook his head almost in a panic. “No, no, no, Yibo,” his voice felt thin and rushed. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not mad at you. I was wrong. I was wrong.”

“Why didn’t you answer?” Yibo insisted. 

“I — “ Xiao Zhan tried to slow the spinning in his head, tried to find something to grasp onto. “I — I don’t know….”

“I don’t understand.” Yibo’s voice was full of confusion. “Didn’t you miss me?”

Xiao Zhan’s heart ached. He’d missed Yibo so much. He missed Yibo like air. He’d gone crazy with the missing.

Yibo’s eyes were staring at him, full of hurt. It was awful. It was unbearable. Xiao Zhan would do anything to make that look of hurt go away.

His reason, his caution, his self-control all flew away.

“Yibo, I… I really missed you. I really really missed you. I missed you so much.” Xiao Zhan couldn’t quite believe the words were falling so freely from his lips. 

Yibo’s eyes widened. 

Xiao Zhan grabbed his hand, trying to give Yibo comfort, trying to find the ground. 

He took a breath, trying to slow his scrambling thoughts. He spoke, his voice unsure. “I didn’t … I didn’t know how to … I couldn’t ….” 

Silence stretched between them, as Yibo looked at him expectantly. When Xiao Zhan finally spoke again, he was looking at the ground, and his voice was almost a whisper. “It scared me how much I missed you.”

“Oh,” Yibo breathed out, the softest sound. And then he swiftly moved forward and wrapped Xiao Zhan tight in his arms. He hugged Xiao Zhan’s whole body, surrounding him with warmth, and muttered in his ear, “I’m sorry, Zhan-ge. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m here”

“No, no,” Xiao Zhan shook his head vigorously. “Don’t say sorry. Stop saying sorry! I was wrong.”

Yibo stopped speaking, and rubbed his back, holding him tight and tight. He finally spoke, his deep voice quiet and thick, “You were scared.” 

Xiao Zhan’s body slumped, but Yibo just held him closer. “I was wrong,” Xiao Zhan insisted. “I’m sorry, Yibo.”

“You were scared.”

Xiao Zhan couldn’t stop himself from falling into the hug, his body relaxing, a relief he dare not understand spreading through his veins. Yibo was here. Yibo was okay. 

A car horn honked in the distance, and they eventually broke apart. 

“We have to go back,” Xiao Zhan said, biting his lip.

Yibo nodded, but didn’t move until Xiao Zhan started walking to the van that would take them back to the costume building.

They sat in the backseat of the van, just the two of them. Xiao Zhan leaned his head against Yibo, and Yibo put his arm around his shoulder.

It was so comfortable. His eyes drooped.

He was half-awake when Yibo led him to a makeup chair to get his wig removed. They were making ridiculous faces at each other and giggling by the time the hair stylist had freed his head. They raced each other to the dressing room, and Xiao Zhan managed to sprint just quickly enough to lock the door before Yibo could get in. He wiggled out of his robes and hung them up, and threw on some shorts and a tank top. They raced back to the bus, and proceeded to fight and giggle the rest of the way back.

Yibo ordered food delivery, and they sat eating in his room. They ended up making out for a while, but eventually the exhaustion of the last few days caught up with Xiao Zhan, and he was having a hard time keeping his eyes open. Yibo tried to take him back to his room to sleep, but Xiao Zhan whined in deep complaint, and scooted under the covers of Yibo’s bed.

Tentatively, Yibo climbed in behind him, and pulled him close to spoon him. It was hot, and even in his sleepy haze he was dimly aware of Yibo’s hard-on, but he didn’t care. He sighed in deep contentment, and fell asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xiao Zhan awoke in the dark of the early morning to the sound of the shower. He was alone in the bed. He patted around for his phone, finding it plugged in and charging on the floor next to his side of the bed.

4:15 am. 

He should go back to sleep, but his eye caught on all the unread notifications from the last couple of days.

Tentatively, he opened them. Reading through, he watched the rapid fall of Yibo’s mood from high cheer and playfulness into deep worry. There were many, many missed calls. 

Regret filled Xiao Zhan’s heart. He closed his eyes, and waited for Yibo to come out from the shower.

Several minutes later Yibo emerged, already dressed in shorts and a t-shirt.

Xiao Zhan sat up, and Yibo smiled brightly.

“I can go get some of your clothes, if you want to shower,” he started.

Xiao Zhan leaned forward and grabbed his hand, pulling him down to sit nearby on the bed. 

“Yibo,” he said gently. He felt Yibo pause, unsure.

“I’m so sorry,” he continued, feeling the heaviness of his guilt. “I made you worry. I’ll do better next time.”

Yibo’s shoulders relaxed, and he smiled softly, “It’s okay, Zhan-ge.”

Xiao Zhan would never cease to be astonished by the infinite sweetness of Yibo’s heart. He had to take better care of that heart. He couldn’t let Yibo think it was okay to be ignored for days on end.

He shook his head. “It’s not okay.” He paused, and smiled, biting his lip. “This one will have to make it up to Lao Wang.”

“You don’t have to make anything up to me,” Yibo insisted.

Xiao Zhan pouted. “This one’s heart won’t be at ease until he makes it up to Lao Wang.”

Suddenly Yibo grinned. “Okay.” 

Wow, Yibo agreed so quickly. Xiao Zhan’s face lost its composure for a second.

“Eat one bowl — eat two bowls of wontons today.”

Xiao Zhan’s eyes widened, and he smacked Yibo on the shoulder. “That’s not making it up to you!”

“Yes it is,” Yibo cackled. “You have to eat two bowls of wontons.”

“I really can’t eat two bowls,” Xiao Zhan whined.

“Today…Today and tomorrow. One bowl today and one bowl tomorrow.”

Xiao Zhan sighed. “Okay, okay, I’ll eat them.”

“Really?” Yibo sounded ecstatic.

“Really,” Xiao Zhan affirmed. “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it. Okay, Lao Wang?”

Yibo laughed with glee.

Xiao Zhan sighed and rolled his eyes, and got up and stalked his way to the shower. When he emerged a little while later, there was a neatly folded set of his clean clothes sitting just inside the door.

Yibo really was too good. Xiao Zhan didn’t know what to do with him.

Chapter Text

Xiao Zhan kept shooting flirty looks at Yibo all day. 

Was this what Xiao Zhan meant when he said he’d make it up to Yibo?

Yibo didn’t need anything made up to him — Xiao Zhan had already apologized. And anyway, Xiao Zhan hadn’t been feeling well. He wouldn’t admit it, but Yibo could tell.

To be honest, Yibo still didn’t really understand why Xiao Zhan had stopped replying to his messages. If Xiao Zhan missed him and felt scared, wouldn’t he feel better if they talked more?

Yibo tucked this question into the back of his mind. He would figure it out soon, and then he would figure out how to fix it. Maybe he should ask Han-ge what he thought.

Yibo and Xiao Zhan had spent the morning and afternoon apart, shooting separate scenes. Yibo missed playing around with Xiao Zhan. 

But the separation was more than made up for by the fact that Xiao Zhan really had eaten a whole bowl of wonton soup for lunch. 

He even said, “Okay, Bo-ge,” when Yibo had prompted him to finish the last couple of wontons. And he winked at Yibo when he drank down the last bit of broth. He even opened his mouth and showed Yibo his tongue to prove he’d swallowed it all down.

Yibo was glad he was wearing his thick robes today. 

Now it was evening and Yibo was done filming, and was able to come over to hang out at Xiao Zhan’s set. He hadn’t changed out of his robes yet. He wasn’t sure what provocations the evening would bring.

Xiao Zhan had spent the whole day shooting the scenes where the Jiang siblings fled to the Wens after Jiang Cheng lost his golden core.

At this moment, Wei Ying was asking Jiang Yanli if the attack on their clan really was his fault.

Obviously it wasn’t. The fault for aggression and violence always belongs to the aggressor. Yibo didn’t like the way Wei Ying always blamed himself for everything.

He even more didn’t like the way Xiao Zhan tried to blame himself for everything. 

Clearly what happened this week wasn’t just Xiao Zhan’s fault. Yibo just needed to figure out what went wrong. He needed to figure out how to take better care of Xiao Zhan. Then everything would be fine.

Wei Ying and Jiang Yanli were weeping. Yibo felt his own eyes pricking. It hurt to watch them suffer. He couldn’t imagine losing his family like that.

Yibo had watched Xiao Zhan cry in his scene last night too. He knew it was acting, but it felt real. Xiao Zhan looked devastated.

Yibo really wanted to hug him. He wondered if anyone had helped cheer Xiao Zhan up while he was gone.

They finished the scene and Xiao Zhan immediately looked over at Yibo. He gave a warm if tearful smile, and then turned his attention to the director. After a couple minutes reviewing the footage, they were granted a break while the set was adjusted for another scene.

Xiao Zhan bounded over to Yibo, smiling. His face still glistened a little.

Yibo smiled back but immediately stood up and started wiping Xiao Zhan’s cheeks with his long white sleeves.

Xiao Zhan swatted him away. “Oh my god Yibo, I’m fine. Don’t get your costume dirty.” He quickly rubbed his face with his own much tighter and rougher sleeves.

“It’s fine,” Xiao Zhan insisted, swatting Yibo away when he tried to go at it again. “Makeup will fix it.”

“Okay,” Yibo finally conceded. “You were incredible.”

Xiao Zhan smiled, biting his lip for a second. “Not as incredible as you. So handsome.”

“You didn’t see me today,” Yibo pointed out.

“Did too. I snuck over for a couple minutes. Watched you fight Wen Xu. So handsome! So fierce!”

Yibo couldn’t help but smile, extremely pleased that Xiao Zhan had come to watch him.

“Not as talented as you,” Yibo retorted. “Push a button and the tears come out.” He poked his finger into Xiao Zhan’s side.

Xiao Zhan yelped, and jumped away, and Yibo chased after him, hitting and laughing. They raced around set until Xiao Zhan was finally called over to makeup.

Yibo sat back down in his chair, where Xiao Zhan would know where to find him. Each time the director called cut, Xiao Zhan would look at Yibo, and then when their eyes locked, he would break into a soft smile.

Yibo loved it. He loved Xiao Zhan looking at him. He loved being there every time Xiao Zhan looked. He loved making Xiao Zhan feel better.

After the last scene, where Wei Ying found the core transfer scroll, Xiao Zhan skipped back over to Yibo.

He smiled warmly. “Thanks for waiting.”

Yibo smiled brightly, incredibly satisfied. “Of course.”

Xiao Zhan leaned toward Yibo, eyes twinkling. He spoke softly into Yibo’s ear. “Wanna come to my dressing room?”

Yibo’s whole body sprung to alert. “Oh —“ his voice almost cracked, and he had to clear his throat a couple times. “Okay.”

Back at the costume building, they both sat while their wigs were removed. Then Yibo grabbed Xiao Zhan’s hand and dragged him to a dressing room, Xiao Zhan giggling the whole way. Yibo pulled him inside and shut and locked the door.

Xiao Zhan was so beautiful. So so beautiful. His eyes twinkled at Yibo. And then he was backing himself up against a wall.

“Anything you want, Lao Wang.” He batted his eyes slowly, and smiled in beckon. 

Yibo strained against his ferocious need to possess Xiao Zhan.

He had to make sure, though, “This isn’t to make things up to me.”

Xiao Zhan’s eyes scrunched slightly, unbearably cute. “So what if it is?”

Yibo frowned, suddenly feeling much colder. “No.”

Xiao Zhan cocked his head. “Why not?”

“I don’t want that,” Yibo was firm. “Don’t do it to make it up to me. Don’t do it because you feel bad.” 

The thought made him a little queasy. Xiao Zhan shouldn’t even feel guilty in the first place.

“Oh, Yibo,” Xiao Zhan’s face softened, and his voice was earnest. He stepped forward. 

“I was just… I was just playing a little game. It’s not because I feel bad. I really want,” he hesitated, looking a little bashful. “I really want… to do things with you….”

Yibo’s heart was racing. He wanted to believe Xiao Zhan. 

“Promise. Not because you feel bad.” Yibo said. No, that wasn’t enough. “ Never because you feel bad. Promise. Promise on….” 

He cast his eyes about the room. Then he noticed Wei Ying’s red ribbon was wrapped loosely around Xiao Zhan’s wrist. Xiao Zhan really cared about Wei Ying.

Yibo pointed. “Promise on this.”

Xiao Zhan looked at him solemnly. He took the ribbon in his hands. “Wang Yibo, I promise never to sleep with you because I feel bad.”

Sleep with!

And then Xiao Zhan leaned forward, his eyes twinkling again. His voice was low. “Only because I want to.”

Because he wants to

Yibo seized him and pushed him against the wall, holding his shoulders tight and pressing their mouths together.

He pushed his tongue in, savoring the heat, feeling Xiao Zhan give to him, moaning. He covered Xiao Zhan’s lips with his and bit them, making them red and wet and messy, and then pushed his tongue inside again, ravenous, devouring, he wanted to possess every inch of Xiao Zhan, Xiao Zhan was letting him, Xiao Zhan wanted —

“No marks,” Xiao Zhan muttered breathily right after Yibo bit hard on his lower lip.

Yibo grunted in affirmation, and then kissed down Xiao Zhan’s glistening neck, only to be met with layers of robes. He immediately starting undoing Xiao Zhan’s tight belt, fingers fumbling as he went back to kissing Xiao Zhan. He finally got it undone and pulled it off, and then started pulling the robes off Xiao Zhan shoulders. Xiao Zhan shimmied to help shrug them off, and then the robes were in a pile on the floor, and Xiao Zhan stood before him bare-chested, wearing only his shorts.

Yibo paused to gaze at him, and Xiao Zhan suddenly looked shy.

“Don’t look,” Xiao Zhan said irrationally. How could Yibo not look. Xiao Zhan was so beautiful. His soft chest and warm brown nipples and delicate waist. There was nothing so beautiful in the world.

“How can I not look. Zhan-ge is the most beautiful person in the world.”

Xiao Zhan punched Yibo’s shoulder, and then crossed his arms over his chest, blushing furiously.

“You have to take it off too,” he said, pouting.

Easy. Yibo was out of his robes in 5 seconds flat.

He surged forward to kiss Xiao Zhan again, pressing their bodies together, their skin was touching, their chests, bodies radiating with heat, Yibo was wild with it, he grabbed Xiao Zhan’s waist, hands squeezing his soft sides, and felt Xiao Zhan’s whole body shudder and stumble against him.

Yibo grabbed Xiao Zhan’s lower back to steady him, pulling their bodies flush together. His furiously hard cock jabbed painfully against his shorts and exquisitely into Xiao Zhan’s thigh, and his head swam.

“Sorry,” he choked out. But in the same moment he heard a breathy, “Oh Bo -ge.”

Yibo fought valiantly not to come on the spot. 

When he finally managed to focus his eyes, control restored, he found Xiao Zhan staring at him with a searing, bright look.

“Bo-ge, can I?”

Yibo nodded stiffly, not sure what he was agreeing to. But he was sure he wanted it.

Xiao Zhan smiled seductively. He put his hand on Yibo’s chest and slowly and firmly pushed him until his back bumped into the opposite wall. 

Then he sank elegantly to his knees, landing with his face right in front of the tent of Yibo’s shorts.

Yibo’s ears were ringing, his skin was on fire. Was he really going to —

Yibo could not pull his eyes away as Xiao Zhan lightly swept his fingers over the taut fabric trapping his cock. Yibo shivered at the fairy touch. He reminded himself in a rush to breathe.

Xiao Zhan touched it again, murmuring to himself, “I knew it was big, but…”

Yibo felt himself grow bigger.

“Oh,” Xiao Zhan’s eyes went wide, and then laughed lightly. He looked up at Yibo. His face was so, so warm, so welcoming. Yibo’s heart was bursting. Xiao Zhan was really going to, did he really want —

“Okay?” Xiao Zhan asked.

“Yes,” Yibo managed to say.

“You can… you can do anything you want.” Xiao Zhan sounded a little shy. His whole face was a blazing pink. “Don’t… don’t worry. Don’t hold back.”

“Okay.”

Then Xiao Zhan looked back down at Yibo’s crotch. He took hold of the waistbands of Yibo’s shorts and boxers, and pulled them down to his ankles.

Yibo’s cock sprung free, dark and red and proud.

Xiao Zhan stared at it, seemingly mesmerized.

He scooted forward on his knees, and stuck his tongue out, and licked the head.

It was the most revelatory sensation of Yibo’s life. Warm and wet and intoxicating. Yibo’s hands were gripped in fists, pushing back against the wall. He was transfixed.

Xiao Zhan gazed up at him, blinking slowly. Yibo held his eyes, staring with burning heat.

Xiao Zhan flushed redder, and looked back down at his cock.

He scooted even closer, tilting his head to the side, and slowly, gloriously, devastatingly, licked up the length of Yibo’s cock.

Yibo let out a deep groan. The pleasure rocked through him, thunderous. 

Xiao Zhan did it again.

Yibo focused on letting the pleasure roll through him, fighting to hold onto his mind, onto his control.

Xiao Zhan shifted to the other side, and licked again. The new sensation was overwhelming all over again, but Yibo held on. 

Something locked deep in his gut. He had to make this good for Xiao Zhan.

Xiao Zhan moved back to center, and licked the head of his cock again. Then he took it into his mouth.

Yibo closed his eyes for a brief moment as his consciousness soared, the blessed, indescribable warmth flowing around and through him. He heard himself groan again.

Yibo opened his eyes, and Xiao Zhan was looking up at him, his pupils dark, his mouth already looking very full. Then, without breaking eye contact, he slowly leaned forward and swallowed Yibo’s cock deeper and deeper in.

Yibo felt wild. Every millimeter was a new surge of heat, of comfort, of searing pleasure. 

Three quarters of the way down, Xiao Zhan paused. Yibo could see his chest move as he took several deep, even breaths through his nose. Then he pressed forward, and Yibo felt his cock squeezing into a tighter, deeper place, the pressure on the head indescribable. His nerves were exploding; he was overcome by a heady, delirious pleasure. Xiao Zhan continued to squeeze him deeper and deeper in, until he came to rest with his nose at the base of Yibo’s pelvis.

Yibo was all the way inside Xiao Zhan. All the way. He’d never even thought —

Xiao Zhan’s eyes were filling with tears, and his skin was turning redder and redder. With a sudden rush of panic, Yibo realized Xiao Zhan wasn’t breathing.

He reached down fast, and gently gripped Xiao Zhan’s head to pull him away. He was barely aware of the loss of the tight heat, once his cock was out of Xiao Zhan’s mouth and Yibo was watching him lightly gasp for air.

“What…” Yibo asked insensibly.

“Bo-ge, please,” Xiao Zhan’s voice was a raspy plea.

“You don’t have to,” Yibo insisted, worry gripping his heart. “It’s already good, it’s incredible. You don’t have to do it… all the way.”

Xiao Zhan sounded almost desperate. “Please, Bo-ge. Let me. I want it.”

Yibo shook his head lightly, but Xiao Zhan was pushing stubbornly against the grip Yibo had on his head, leaning forward and already beginning to swallow him down again.

The wet warmth was as overwhelming as the first time — was it better even?! — as Xiao Zhan took him in entirely, pushing him more insistently into his tight depth. Xiao Zhan looked up at him again, his eyes streaming and urgent.

Mesmerized, Yibo threaded his fingers through Xiao Zhan’s hair.

Xiao Zhan hummed, the vibrations singing through his cock.

Yibo held his hair a little tighter, and felt Xiao Zhan give a tight, frantic nod.

Xiao Zhan really wanted this.

Yibo became decisive.

He stepped away from the wall and nudged Xiao Zhan slightly back. He tightened his grip in Xiao Zhan’s hair and held his head steady, as he slowly pulled his cock out of his mouth, the drag and suction of Xiao Zhan’s tongue hanging on until his cock finally freed with a pop.

Fascinated, Yibo then began to push slowly and carefully back in, watching as the begging desperation in Xiao Zhan’s eyes transformed into eagerness. He pushed forward until he felt himself brush the back of Xiao Zhan’s throat. He hesitated for only half a second before he pushed decisively the rest of the way in, feeling the moment his girth cut off Xiao Zhan’s airway with a punched out gasp. 

Yibo dared not wait too long before he partially pulled out again, leaving the head of his cock inside Xiao Zhan’s mouth. He made sure he saw Xiao Zhan take several big breaths through his nose before he pushed again, this time seamlessly pressing himself all the way in in one smooth motion. It felt a little easier this time, like Xiao Zhan’s throat was opening to accommodate him.

Xiao Zhan was still gazing up at him, his eyes turning glassy.

Experimenting, Yibo swirled his hips in a tiny circle. He felt Xiao Zhan’s throat spasm around him, and then begin to choke as Xiao Zhan involuntarily tried to cough.

Yibo pulled rapidly out, leaning down to pat Ziao Zhan on the back as he coughed for a few moments, and slowly regained control of himself.

“Sorry, sorry,” Yibo rushed to say.

“It’s okay,” Xiao Zhan’s voice was terribly scratchy. His eyes had sharpened back into clearer consciousness. He laughed briefly. “I just didn’t expect it.” 

Xiao Zhan paused, biting his lip. “You can try it again.” He smiled up at Yibo.

Yibo nodded mutely, mesmerized.

He stood up and threaded his fingers back into Xiao Zhan’s hair. Xiao Zhan gazed at him with shining eyes, and then leaned forward to take his cock in his mouth again.

Yibo fell into a slow rhythm of pushing in and out of Ziao Zhan’s mouth, not wanting to push it too far yet. He felt him and Xiao Zhan falling into sync, Xiao Zhan moaning lightly around his cock, Yibo grunting low each time he pressed into that deepest tightest place.

Finally he paused to rest with his cock all the way in, watching as the tears flowed from Xiao Zhan’s eyes and his color flushed darker. Maintaining tight eye contact, Yibo very slowly rolled his hips.

Xiao Zhan’s entire body shuddered, but he didn’t choke. Yibo rested for a second more before he pulled back, watching Xiao Zhan breath.

He paused when he was only halfway out. Then he pulled sharply on Xiao Zhan’s hair, and was rewarded by a muffled gasp.

He felt the suction around his cock tighten. Xiao Zhan looked desperate again.

Yibo understood now.

He began fuck quickly in and out of the back of Xiao Zhan’s throat, pushing in and in and in as Xiao Zhan’s eyes glazed over. Every several pumps he would pause to let Xiao Zhan catch his breath, but sometimes he also paused deep inside, giving Xiao Zhan what he wanted most, drinking in the sight of Xiao Zhan’s breathless body, his streaming tears and red, straining face, watching the insensible shivers coursing through him.

Xiao Zhan was letting him, letting him give Xiao Zhan what he needed. Letting him take over.

It was beyond anything he ever could have imagined.

Finally he couldn’t hold back anymore, barely letting Xiao Zhan catch his breath one last time before he fucked furiously, unstoppably, feeling the desire in his pelvis rising, cresting,

“Zhan-ge, I’m gonna — “ he started to pull out but he felt Xiao Zhan’s mouth suck tight to hold him in, and he stayed inside as his hot seed shot out of him, pulsing and pulsing into the welcome of Xiao Zhan’s mouth.

The wave of blinding pleasure crashed through him, and then subsided, and he felt his cock softening, and pulled all the way out. 

He quickly knelt by Xiao Xhan and stuck his hand out. “You can spit it.”

Xiao Zhan’s slowly shook his head, and Yibo saw the movement of his throat swallowing. He opened his mouth wide and stuck out his tongue, showing it was clean. Then he smiled serenely.

“Mine.”

Yibo’s heart thundered. 

“Yours.”

____________

Yibo managed to get them dressed and presentable enough for the trip back to the hotel. The only hiccup was when he discovered that Xiao Zhan had come too, a sticky mess peeking out from the top of his shorts. Yibo found some tissues and reached to help him clean up, but Xiao Zhan yelped and pushed him away, demanding that Yibo turn around and close his eyes until he was done.

Once they were ready, they ran out to the bus, rushing on right before it departed. If anyone noticed how flushed they were, they were polite enough to ignore it.

All in all, they’d only been in the dressing room for about twenty minutes.

It was the most momentous twenty minutes of Yibo’s life. He was a different man now.

Yibo ordered a dinner delivery during the bus ride, which arrived for them shortly after they got back to the hotel. 

He spoon fed Xiao Zhan every bite, and made him drink several cups of hot water. Xiao Zhan was unusually pliant, leaning against Yibo at the table, sleepy and obedient as Yibo fed him.

It was perfect. Yibo was coming up with several new strategies for how to keep Xiao Zhan well fed and healthy.

Yibo wanted to bathe Xiao Zhan, but he wasn’t sure Xiao Zhan would want that. So once Xiao Zhan was done eating, he simply pulled him into his bed, tucking him in under a light blanket. Yibo ran over to Xiao Zhan’s room and gathered everything he might need for the next day. He also scheduled a delivery order for first thing in the morning for several different throat lozenges and soothing herbal teas.

Yibo got into bed and curled around Xiao Zhan. He felt Xiao Zhan relax into him, and pulled him closer. He breathed in the scent at the nape of Xiao Zhan’s neck. And he fell into a deep, contented sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everything in Yibo’s life was incredible. He had the kindest most thoughtful most beautiful most stunning most talented most amazing boyfriend in the world. He had a steady job in the industry. He was acting the role of his dreams across from the most talented actor he’d ever met. He got to keep practicing motorcycles and skateboarding and dance.

Every risk he’d taken had paid off.

The only problem was — Xiao Zhan was acting distant again. And Yibo couldn’t figure out why.

The day after the most incredible and important twenty minutes of Yibo’s life, Xiao Zhan had been very sweet, looking at Yibo and touching him and keeping him close. He ate the promised second bowl of dumplings for dinner. He kissed Yibo goodnight in the empty hallway before he ran off to go sleep. Yibo was deliriously happy. 

But the next morning, when Yibo knocked on his door, Xiao Zhan didn’t answer. After several more attempts, Yibo’s phone pinged with a short message — I’m awake I’ll meet you downstairs

Yibo stood in front of the bus, tapping his foot and biting his nails. They were supposed to have left five minutes ago. Xiao Zhan was nowhere to be seen.

He looked at his phone again, at his string of unanswered messages. Maybe he should go back up to check on Xiao Zhan.

Right as Yibo was about to run inside, Xiao Zhan came walking quickly out of the entrance, long strides and cloudy face. 

He barely smiled at Yibo and quickly climbed onto the bus, and Yibo hurried on after him. Xiao Zhan walked quickly back, apologizing quietly to everyone as he passed them. Yibo followed him silently nodding along in apology.

Xiao Zhan sat down in the back seat, and set his bag down right next to him on the seat. Yibo stood awkwardly for a second before sitting across the aisle.

Xiao Zhan looked away from Yibo, towards the window. Quietly he mumbled, “Sorry. Just tired.” And then he leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes, leaving Yibo alone with his clamoring thoughts and worries.

When they got off the bus, Yibo tried to grab his hand and ask what was wrong. But Xiao Zhan pulled his hand free and said he was fine, and strode off to the makeup room.

They were shooting on separate sets again that day. The hours apart felt endless. Yibo tried to push down the anxiety gnawing in his gut as he tried to focus on his performance. It turned out to be pretty easy to get in the mood of Lan Zhan discussing what to do about the problem of Wei Ying with his brother and uncle. Yibo understood how worried Lan Zhan felt.

Yibo finally finished later in the afternoon, and immediately went to find Xiao Zhan. He was shooting the last of the scenes at Lotus Pier, from earlier in the narrative before the massacre. Yibo saw Xiao Zhan leaning casually on Zhuocheng’s shoulder and laughing brightly at something Xuan Lu had just said.

Yibo flashed with sudden anger. Why would Xiao Zhan talk to them but not him?

He walked towards them, but stopped a couple meters away, his hands curled tight. He wasn’t sure what to do.

Xiao Zhan looked up and saw him, and seemed to freeze for a second. Then Xiao Zhan stood up away from Zhuocheng, and walked over to Yibo.

“Hey,” Xiao Zhan said. He smiled slightly, but his eyes didn’t quite meet Yibo’s. “How’d your filming go?”

This felt strange. Xiao Zhan was right here in front of Yibo, talking to him. But it didn’t feel like he was actually here .

“It was fine,” Yibo answered, not caring about that right now. “Why wouldn’t you talk to me this morning?”

Xiao Zhan’s expression closed off. “I was just tired, don’t worry about it.”

“Are you angry at me? Did I do something wrong?” Yibo asked, trying to figure out what was going on.

“No,” Xiao Zhan said, his voice a little sharp. “Nothing’s wrong. I was just tired.”

“But you’re acting strange,” Yibo insisted.

“I said nothing’s wrong!” Xiao Zhan’s voice rose enough to catch a few glances from people nearby. And then he turned around and stomped back over to Xuan Lu and Zhuocheng, leaving Yibo alone, standing by the side.

Yibo stayed for a while, watching as filming resumed. But after several breaks of Xiao Zhan refusing to even look at him, he finally left, and took a car back to the hotel.

Yibo waited until he saw the bus come back later that night. After a few minutes, he went out into the hall to check if Xiao Zhan was back. He saw a light on under the edge of Xiao Zhan’s door, and knocked. There was no response.

Finally he went back in his room. On his phone there was a message, I’m just tired, don’t worry. You should sleep .

Yibo got ready for bed and laid down, but he didn’t fall asleep for a long, long time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xiao Zhan seemed in a slightly better mood the next day. He talked a little to Yibo on the bus ride in the morning about the scenes they’d be shooting – post-Sunshot campaign scenes at Nightless City. And he smiled a little when Yibo brought him breakfast. But all day he still seemed distracted, and he still wouldn’t quite meet Yibo’s eyes.

Even when the camera was rolling, Xiao Zhan wouldn’t meet his eyes. Yibo supposed that made sense for their characters, since Wei Ying was hiding the loss of his core, but it didn’t make it feel any better.

It was so strange, to be working next to Xiao Zhan all day, to be talking to him and breathing the same air, but to feel as if they were worlds apart. 

Yibo hated it.

When yet another day rolled around of Xiao Zhan acting strange, Yibo snapped. He was going to figure out what was going on and fix it no matter what.

Yibo called Han-ge for advice the first break he had that morning.

“He won’t look at me. Did I do something wrong? Does he not like me anymore?”

“Yibo'er,” Han-ge said comfortingly. “He still likes you.”

“How do you know?”

“He’s like my wife. They’re the type that need a little patience.”

Yibo pondered what that could mean. He’d already given Xiao Zhan time and patience, back when he had asked for time to think about whether he wanted to date. 

But then Xiao Zhan agreed to be Yibo’s boyfriend. What else did he need patience for?

He asked Han-ge about this.

“He might feel overwhelmed,” Han-ge said. “But you should talk to him about it. Good communication is the foundation of a strong relationship.”

Yibo didn’t understand why Xiao Zhan would be overwhelmed. Overwhelmed was what you felt when you were homesick, or when a family member died.

But Yibo really thought he’d figured out how to make Xiao Zhan feel good. At least he thought that up until a couple of days ago.

Was he making Xiao Zhan feel bad?

Yibo pulled Xiao Zhan to an empty corner the next chance he got. Xiao Zhan seemed reluctant, but he still followed.

“Zhan-ge, I don’t know what’s wrong. Are you feeling overwhelmed?” Yibo asked directly. 

Xiao Zhan’s eyes flashed wide for a second, as if he was startled. But then his face smoothed out.

“Yibo I’m fine,” his voice was neutral. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Am I making you feel bad?”

“No! Oh my god Yibo, I told you you haven’t done anything wrong!”

“Then why won’t you look at me?” Yibo demanded.

Xiao Zhan closed his eyes for a moment. He spoke, smaller and softer, “I’m just tired.”

Yibo knew it wasn’t the truth. But he also seemed to be making Xiao Zhan feel worse, so he stopped asking. He needed to try another approach.

A little later, Yibo spotted Xuan Lu alone in the cafeteria, and decided to talk to her. She seemed to have a way of knowing what was going on. 

He slid in to sit next to her at the table. And then he hesitated, clearing his throat. “Um…”

She raised her eyebrows quizzically.

Yibo darted a quick look around to make sure the room was empty. He cleared his throat again.

“Can I ask you a question?” Yibo asked, staring down at the table.

“Mmhmm,” Xuan Lu assented.

“Why would a person say they like you but then … act strange. Not want to talk to you.” He felt his ears turn hot.

“Ah,” she said, the tiniest smile pulling at the edges of her lips. She paused in thought. “Maybe… that person is confused. Or scared.”

Xiao Zhan had said he was scared, but that was while Yibo was traveling. Yibo was back now. What was Xiao Zhan scared about?

“Why would he be scared?” 

“I think that’s a question you would have to ask that person,” she said.

“Oh,” Yibo said. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to ask. He just didn’t think Xiao Zhan would answer.

“Yibo,” Xuan Lu said, her eyes gentle. “He really likes you. Don’t worry. You’ll figure it out.”

“Oh,” Yibo said again, and then got up again. “Thank you,” he gave a quick bow with his head, and then strode out of the cafeteria.

Several times throughout the afternoon, Yibo again tried to ask Xiao Zhan what was wrong. But the more he asked, the moodier and more silent Xiao Zhan got. And they kept getting interrupted by work. Yibo was getting nowhere.

By the evening, Yibo was feeling very impatient. It was Monday, and Yibo had to fly out again early tomorrow morning to DDU; he’d be gone for a couple of days. And then Xiao Zhan was going to be gone for a couple more days after that.

Time was running out. Yibo wasn’t going to leave to spend four days apart without figuring this out.

He was going to make Xiao Zhan talk. 

That night, as soon as they stepped off the elevator onto their hotel floor, Yibo grabbed Xiao Zhan’s wrist and pulled him down the hall. He wasn’t going to risk the chance of Xiao Zhan disappearing behind a closed door again, as he had the last several nights.

Xiao Zhan complained as he stumbled down the hallway, but Yibo simply ignored him. Yibo pulled Xiao Zhan into his room, and shut the door. He stood in front of the door, almost as if he was afraid Xiao Zhan would bolt.

Xiao Zhan looked at him with surprise and confusion. “Yibo — what —“

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Yibo demanded.

Xiao Zhan shook his head slightly, and then smiled lightly. “Lao Wang,” he whined, “how many times do I have to tell you there’s nothing wrong?”

Yibo felt angry. “That’s not true. Something is wrong.”

“Yibo, I’m fine,” Xiao Zhan sounded a little annoyed.

“You’re pretending,” Yibo stated.

“I’m not pretending!”

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong!” Xiao Zhan yelled.

Yibo clenched his fists. “You’re not telling me the truth.”

It was obvious something had been wrong for days. Yibo wasn’t stupid.

Xiao Zhan turned his head away, and crossed his arms. He glared at the wall and didn’t speak.

“Why won’t you talk to me?” Yibo demanded.

Xiao Zhan kept staring at the wall. 

“Why won’t you talk to me?”

Xiao Zhan continued to ignore him.

Yibo began to feel desperate. “Zhan-ge, why won’t you talk to me?”

Xiao Zhan drew in a quick shaky breath, and clenched his jaw.

“Zhan-ge,” Yibo found himself voicing a fear that had been gnawing at his heart. “Did I do something wrong? In — in the dressing room. Did I hurt you?”

Xiao Zhan suddenly exhaled and looked at Yibo, his eyes sharp and angry.

“No!” he yelled. “Why would you think —” 

Xiao Zhan cut himself off. His eyes suddenly looked wet. “No! Yibo! Why would you think that?”

Yibo didn’t know what to say. He really couldn’t figure out what had gone wrong. 

Xiao Zhan was blinking back tears furiously. “Yibo, you’re the….” His voice was imploring. “That was the b— ….” He stomped his foot in frustration. “Don’t you understand!?”

Yibo shook his head in utter bewilderment.

“How am I supposed to leave at the end of the summer!” Xiao Zhan burst out. “When you — when you make me feel like that! How am I supposed to walk away?”

“Don’t walk away, why walk away?” 

Why would Xiao Zhan talk about walking away? Didn’t he say he wanted to be Yibo’s boyfriend?

“No,” Xiao Zhan groaned in frustration. “Not walk away like breaking up, I don’t mean break up.” His eyelashes were thick with unruly tears. “How do I leave, all this?” Xiao Zhan gestured vaguely around the room. 

He sighed very sadly. “Yibo, aren’t you scared?”

Yibo’s mind was racing, trying to keep up with the words spilling out of Xiao Zhan’s mouth. Leave all of what? Scared of what? Make him feel like what?

“Not breaking up?” Yibo had to confirm.

Xiao Zhan gave a half-sobbing laugh. “What are you thinking, little fool? Of course not breaking up. Don’t you know how much I like you?”

Yibo was so confused, and so happy, and so frustrated. He felt like he was in the middle of a wild storm. 

“But you’ve been avoiding me. You won’t look at me.”

Xiao Zhan was shaking his head, looking sad. “I tried to show you — I didn’t ignore you. I was trying to show you you didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“But you’ve been upset,” Yibo insisted.

Xiao Zhan sighed a deep, deep sigh. All the fight seemed to sag out of his body.

“Not at you.” Xiao Zhan stepped forward and laid his head against Yibo’s shoulder. Yibo automatically put his arms around him. “Please don’t think it was at you.”

Xiao Zhan was finally back in Yibo’s arms. Warm, close, where he fit. Where he belonged. Yibo exhaled, and the world quietly slotted itself back into place. 

“Zhanzhan,” Yibo rubbed Xiao Zhan’s back. “What are you scared of?”

Xiao Zhan let Yibo’s hands press him closer, leaning into him. Yibo placed a kiss on the top of his head. Xiao Zhan nuzzled against his neck.

“Everything,” he mumbled.

Chapter Text

Xiao Zhan lay in Yibo’s bed, Yibo stroking his hair as they kissed sleepily. Yibo had mercifully stopped trying to make him explain things he couldn’t explain.

At least, Xiao Zhan didn’t know how to explain them to Yibo. Didn’t Yibo have any fears about their future? Did he really never worry about what would happen once they finished filming? Was Xiao Zhan really just so emotional and weak?

Xiao Zhan wanted to stay awake with Yibo until he left for the airport in a couple hours. Xiao Zhan had already wasted so many days, and now they were here, close, with soft touches and mingled breath. He wanted to soak in every moment. He was so comfortable….

Xiao Zhan woke to a blaring alarm, in a dark room. The pillow next to him was empty.

He felt suddenly bereft. Why didn’t Yibo wake him up to say goodbye?

He stared at the dark ceiling. How many rooms would he wake up in alone like this? How was Yibo so okay just — just leaving ??

Xiao Zhan didn’t want to face another day with Yibo gone. The summer was getting so, so hot — it was so uncomfortable — it was so much worse when Yibo wasn’t there to distract him. And he had yet more tragic scenes to film over the next couple of days.

Why did Wei Ying’s life always fall apart when Lan Zhan wasn’t there??

After his alarm went off a couple more times, Xiao Zhan trudged grumpily to the bathroom.

Sitting on the edge of the counter, in a neat stack, were a clean towel, a set of his clothes, several chocolates, and a note.

Xiao Zhan fought the flicker of warmth in his chest — a note and some chocolates didn’t make up for Yibo leaving without saying goodbye!

But after glaring at it for a minute, he couldn’t stop himself from picking up the note and reading.

Good morning Zhanzhan!

I hope you slept well. You look so cozy and cute right now. Cute little bunny. I hope you wake up well-rested.

Eat well today. Eat the chocolates. Eat all your meals. 

Work hard and have fun. Smooth filming. You are super super super stunning talented the best. Jiayou!

— Yibo

Xiao Zhan was fighting a smile by the time he finished. Yibo was so annoying ! He was so sweet ! He couldn’t even let Xiao Zhan have a grumpy morning in peace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xiao Zhan sat in the back corner of the bus, hugging his knees against his chest.

He typed out a message —

You left without saying goodbye 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

And sent it with a photo of a white rabbit with a long, sad-looking face.

Yibo’s response was lightning fast — 

Zhan-ge was too cute. Snoring bunny needs his sleep.

Xiao Zhan frowned. 

He angled his phone to capture a pouting, wounded selfie.

Left Zhanzhan all on his lonesome

No morning kiss

Yibo wrote back immediately again —

Kiss kiss 

Kiss your nose kiss your cheeks kiss your mouth 

Kiss you all up eat you up

And then an image came through, a close up of Yibo’s nose and mouth, his tongue licking his lips.

Xiao Zhan fought the urge to fling his phone across the bus. Yibo was shameless!!!

No kiss!!!!! No goodbye!!!!! 😡🐰😡🐰😡

I was wrong I was wrong 

Wake you up next time 

Kiss goodbye I was wrong 

It’s good if you know

Let me say goodbye next time 

Xiao Zhan exhaled, his lips parting with the tiniest relief and satisfaction. He switched his screen off and watched the beginning of dawn through the window.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was wrong I was wrong 

Did you get the chocolates?

I’ll wake you up next time

Have you had breakfast?

Xiao Zhan had finally snuck a glance at his phone under the breakfast table, half-listening to a story Wen Ning was telling.

Okay okay okay 

I ate 

Don’t worry! Go focus on work!

And then Xiao Zhan snapped his attention back up to the table, laughing with everyone else at the story.

They were out in the sun all day, filming in Qiongqi Path. It could not have been more miserable — the sweltering heat — staging and restaging and shooting and reshooting the fight scene — dust thick in the air — watching the small precious gift box for baby Jin Rulan explode in Jin Zixun’s hand — watching Jin Zixuan fall lifeless to the ground.

Wei Ying was caught in a loop of horror, suffocating, inescapable, watching as he destroyed Shijie’s future, as he doomed the Wens, take after take. The ground fell out from under him again and again. How could it all be gone like that; how could everything just disappear??? 

He’d ruined everything.

When the filming was finally over, Xiao Zhan stumbled, suddenly feeling faint. Jin Zixuan caught his arm before he fell. Then someone was pulling him into the shade and fanning him, putting a bottle of water in his hands and telling him to drink. His eyes screwed closed as he tried to breath through the pounding in his head.

“Zhanzhan, I’m taking your robes off,” a woman’s voice said and he gingerly nodded, barely registering relief as he traded the heat of the thick robes for the heat of the heavy humid air against his skin. He fought a wave of nausea. Then he felt some cool mist spray over his arms and face, and he shivered and sighed.

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” he reassured, hoping they would stop fussing over him. But they kept fanning him and spraying him and reminding him to sip his water, until he managed to open his eyes and exchange a few coherent words with Yang Xia, who was squatting in front of him.

Vaguely he registered that she was scolding him for not saying he was getting too hot. 

“Don’t push yourself so hard,” she chastised. “Heat stroke is dangerous! You can die! We can always take a break. Don’t risk your safety like that!”

Xiao Zhan agreed obediently. But in honesty, he hadn’t even noticed how hot he was until he was already about to faint. What was a little discomfort in comparison to the agony Wei Ying was exploding with.

They didn’t let him walk back to the main buildings with everyone else, but made him ride in a cart. He was too exhausted to resist.

He barely picked at the green beans dish someone handed him for dinner, and slept on the bus ride back.

He was sprawled across his bed, lying on his stomach, still wearing his clothes, when he was startled by a knock on his door.

There were a few more knocks before he woke up enough to realize that it couldn’t be Yibo — Yibo was in Chengdian, or maybe on a plane to the next city now – Xiao Zhan didn’t know what time it was. The knocking continued, and Xiao Zhan realized he should answer to not be rude.

He opened the door to a very apologetic-looking hotel clerk. Xiao Zhan recognized her — she was a middle-aged woman, short and round with a cheerful face.

“I’m sorry to disturb you, Mr. Xiao,” she said with a polite smile.

Xiao Zhan waved reassuringly, muttering that it was no bother.

“We received a call from Mr. Wang, who was concerned about your well-being, and asked us to come check on you.”

Xiao Zhan flushed deeply in embarrassment. He shook his head rapidly, “Thank you Auntie, no need, I’m okay, no need.”

“May I come in and check your air conditioning?” She asked.

Xiao Zhan nodded dumb-founded, and watched as she walked quickly inside, and turned the dial all the way up to full blast.

She walked quickly back out, apologized again, and left.

Xiao Zhan’s mind raced — had someone told Yibo about —

He looked around his room until he spotted his phone, peeking out from under his bag. When he picked it up, the battery was fully dead.

He sat on his bed and plugged it in, waiting with eyes half-closed for a couple minutes before turning it on.

There were over 50 messages and missed calls. He closed his eyes and took a slow, deep breath. He really, truly had not meant to ignore Yibo again. He was just so exhausted that he hadn’t even thought to look.

He swiped away all the notifications, and called Yibo.

“Zhan-ge, are you okay? Zhan-ge, I heard you almost fainted. Are you back at the hotel? Are you cool enough? Do you need to go to the hospital?”

Xiao Zhan’s heart squeezed at the sharp worry in Yibo’s voice.

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” he said soothingly. “I’m back, my room is cool, I’m comfortable.”

In any other circumstance he would have scolded Yibo for sending someone to check on him. But Yibo sounded so worried that he couldn’t bear to criticize him.

“Zhan-ge,” Yibo’s voice still rushed with concern. “You promise you’re okay? Are you drinking water? Have you eaten? Your room is really cold enough?”

Xiao Zhan lay back on the bed and let his eyes droop. “It’s really cold enough, it’s very comfortable, I ate, lots of water, I’m fine.”

The part about eating was not entirely true. But he really couldn’t bring himself to eat right now, nor did he have the energy to take a round of Yibo pestering him about it right now. So this was just easier to say. And he was fine, Yibo really didn’t need to worry.

“Are you sure?” Yibo asked again. “You promise you ate.”

Xiao Zhan sighed and paused. “Some green beans…” he finally mumbled.

“I’m ordering you food. You have to eat.” The anxiety was gone from Yibo’s voice as he assumed command.

“I’m so tired,” Xiao Zhan whined. “I really can’t eat.”

“It’s okay. You can sleep. But turn your phone ringer on.”

Xiao Zhan whimpered.

“Turn your ringer on.”

Groggily, Xiao Zhan fumbled around and flipped the switch. “It’s on.”

“Good Zhanzhan.” Xiao Zhan’s breath caught slightly, before the tiredness took back over, and soon he was out.

A little while later he heard his phone ring, but he sleepily declined the call.

A few minutes later, a knock on his door forced him more awake. He shuffled blearily over, opening the door to the same hotel clerk. 

She was smiling more brightly this time, as she handed him a bag of takeout. “Mr. Wang really takes good care of you, eh? He’s a handsome boy.”

Xiao Zhan blushed furiously, mumbling thanks and closing the door as quickly as he could.

As soon as he sat cross-legged on his bed, his phone was ringing again, this time a video call. He answered.

“Zhan-ge,” Yibo’s voice was still serious. “Set the phone on the table so I can see you.”

Xiao Zhan complied, leaning the phone against the base of the lamp on his bedside table, and scooting around a little to face Yibo.

“Eat some noodles. And some baozi.” Xiao Zhan just sat, staring at him with heavy eyelids. He was so, so tired.

“Zhanzhan,” Yibo’s voice was softer. “Just eat a little, then you can go to sleep.”

Xiao Zhan nodded mutely, but he still didn’t move.

“Open the bag,” Yibo said, his voice steady. “Take out the noodles and the chopsticks.”

Xiao Zhan slowly obeyed step by step. He unwrapped the chopsticks and pried the lid off the noodles. He smelled a light fragrance of cold sour noodles with scallions.

“Pick up the noodles and eat.” Xiao Zhan’s muscles followed, and he found himself sucking a noodle into his mouth. The bright sour flavor was refreshing. Maybe he could eat a little after all.

He let Yibo prompt him to take several more bites, until he felt the pang of a stomach cramp, and paused, frowning.

“Zhan-ge, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Xiao Zhan said. But his stomach squeezed again and he winced.

“Zhan-ge are you okay? Does it hurt?”

Finally he sighed and mumbled, “Hurts a little.”

“Lie down,” Yibo was in charge again. Xiao Zhan set the noodles on the bedside table and laid down, curling into a ball. 

“There’s sour plum drink in the bag,” Yibo said. Xiao Zhan reached in and found a few different bottles. His fingers fumbled and then closed around the familiar sour plum glass bottle. He untwisted the cap and took a few sips.

Yibo sat watching him as he drank. The stomach pangs eventually subsided, and the tight curl of his body loosened.

“Good, baobao.”

Xiao Zhan murmured wordlessly.

“Can you eat a little more?”

Xiao Zhan shook his head.

“Your body needs replenishment. You need to eat to feel better,” Yibo coaxed. “Please, can you eat a little more?”

Xiao Zhan lay quietly, and glanced up at Yibo’s eyes.

“Zhanzhan, reach into the bag, there are some baozi.”

Xiao Zhan found his muscles obeying, again.

His hand grasped a soft, slightly warm bun. He brought it to his mouth and nibbled. He sighed in contentment as the taste of sweet egg custard touched his tongue.

“Good, Zhanzhan, so good,” Yibo muttered. “Eat it up, so good.”

Xiao Zhan kept nibbling away as Yibo nudged and encouraged, and was slightly amazed when he found himself finishing the last bite.

He looked up at the phone and Yibo was beaming softly at him. Xiao Zhan smiled a deep, sleepy smile back.

His belly felt full and a little tight, but it didn’t hurt. His body felt calm.

In the distance he could hear Yibo saying he could sleep now, and then he was out.

A small, white bunny curled and nuzzled against something soft and warm. It was so, so comfortable, breathing softly and drifting off to sleep. 

It was startled awake by something pouncing on it, big paws hitting its chest and sharp teeth loosely gnawing against its neck.

It froze, eyes wide and surprised, staring into the distance as it felt a hot breath against its ear.

It heard a whine, and there were no longer teeth on its neck. A wet nose pressed against its chest. It did not dare move.

There was another whine, as its body continued to be prodded at.

It still did not move. 

Eventually, the pouncing creature seemed to lose interest, and the bunny was left alone. 

Its instincts kicked into high gear, and it darted forward and away, until it buried itself in a pile of big white fluffy baozi, that smelled fragrant and felt warm. It began to nibble, quickly forgetting the shock of moments ago. It nibbled and nibbled, filling its belly with something warm and soft and sweet. It began to get sleepy again.

A set of jaws locked around its rump, and tugged it out of the delicious pile! It was so angry it didn’t freeze this time, and tilted its head to glare at the offending creature.

A large, chocolate-brown puppy was sniffing all over its belly and caging it with big, awkward paws.

The bunny tried to squirm loose, and got halfway buried into the pile before it was pulled out again. It squirmed loose again and began to dart around the pile, sensing the puppy chasing close behind it.

It leapt high, and landed on the top of the pile of baozi, glaring down at the annoying puppy. The puppy began to try to climb the pile, sinking with every step into the soft dough, whining as it slid back down and failed to reach the bunny.

The bunny watched for a little while, and then began to nibble again at the sweet food it was perched upon. The puppy’s cries grew more pitiful.

After a while, the bunny wasn’t hungry anymore. The puppy continued to cry. The bunny began to hop down the pile. It landed on a baozi just above the whining puppy.

The puppy’s eyes lit up and it barked and wagged its tail.

The bunny leapt.

Xiao Zhan awoke with a smile on his lips.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xiao Zhan kept his phone near him all day. They filmed in the Burial Mounds cave, in the moment when Wen Qing and Wen Ning chose to sacrifice themselves to try to save Wei Ying.

Wei Ying’s heart was sliced apart, cut after cut as he lay immobilized on the stone bed. He would rather rip out his core a thousand more times than let them die. Than let anyone else die.

And then —

The director would call cut.

And Xiao Zhan would be lying, scratchy straw under his head, heart racing, face blurry and wet.

And then he’d make himself stand up, and walk to the side of the set, and sip some tea, and pick up his phone —

Zhan-ge! See the dance I learned yesterday!

Accompanied by a video of Yibo enthusiastically and quickly learning a folk dance on the DDU stage —

Handsome, right?

What did you eat for lunch?

I looked at the schedule you’re not in the sun today, right?

Tell someone if you get hot 

Promise to tell 

Look at this rabbit!

And then there was another video of Yibo at DDU, holding a gigantic rabbit that was spilling out his arms, which even in this ridiculous position looked very calm.

Xiao Zhan understood. Who wouldn’t want to be in those arms? He bit his lip and smiled.

Did you replace me? 🐰🐇

And then he would be called back to set. The sweet breeze of Yibo swept out his heart over and over, and each time allowed him to dive more fearlessly into Wei Ying’s grief. He felt like he gave a good performance that day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That evening, Xiao Zhan rested his head by the window of the plane, gazing out at the dark, moonless landscape.

He had been looking forward to this trip — two days in Beijing for an ad shoot and a meeting with a new possible endorsement company, a menswear company called Trendiano. The trip offered a change of scenery, a break from the heat, and a chance to clear his head.

But now, as his eyes searched the dark landscape for glimmers of light, all he could think of was the rapidly growing number of kilometers separating him from the place Yibo was about to return.

Xiao Zhan suddenly didn’t want any space at all. He wanted to go back and keep being Wei Ying with Lan Zhan — he wanted Yibo’s cackles and hits and puns and never-ending snacks — he wanted the hot air and the singing insects and the sweet scent of summer grass — he wanted his friends and the directors and the crew and the makeup artists — he wanted it all, he didn’t want to miss a single minute of it.

He nibbled on his knuckle as he continued to gaze out the window, trying to pull his mind out of the sharpness of his sudden longing. 

Then with a sigh, he closed the shade and pulled out his laptop to prepare for his upcoming meeting with Trendiano. His management company, WJJW, never helped him on things like making endorsement deals, so he’d had to develop all of his own materials. Thankfully his background in design was helpful. He spent the rest of the flight editing and re-editing his proposal, making sure every last detail was perfect.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Click click click click click

Xiao Zhan felt hot under the bright lights illuminating the ad set. He hoped he wasn’t sweating off his makeup already. 

He tried to move his body into cool and compelling poses. It didn’t come naturally to him. He felt so presumptuous, trying to show off for a camera. It still boggled his mind that anyone would want to use his image to try to sell something.

Yibo, on the other hand, was an absolute natural. His aura flooded every photo; he had no bad angles. In the ridiculous hundreds of photos he’d sent Xiao Zhan, it was obvious that he didn’t even have to try. He could command a space just by breathing —

“Xiao Zhan. Xiao Zhan!” Oh my god, he’d totally lost focus. “Turn your head to the right, look over here.”

Fighting a wave of embarrassment, Xiao Zhan refocused and tried to do his best.

He didn’t finish until fairly late in the day — the shoot involved several outfit and set changes. He hoped it wasn’t taking so long just because he wasn’t giving them good enough shots.

In the Didi back to his hotel, he finally opened his phone after a long day of not looking at it. There were of course cascades of messages from Yibo. He smiled as he read, letting the familiar warmth fill him up after a long day with strangers.

After several messages from Yibo about a tree conservation project he’d read an article about, Yibo had sent a series of photos. It was a mix of selfies and photos from around the CQL set, Yibo and the other actors waving Hi, bits of ornate old buildings and sky. Xiao Zhan’s heart throbbed with an ache. He was missing it — he was wasting his time here on some ad shoot — he wasn’t there — the summer was passing by so fast.

Xiao Zhan pouted. The end of the summer was rushing at him like the cataclysms of Wei Ying’s life. Unwanted. Inescapable.

He sent Yibo a couple of quick replies, and begged off that he couldn’t call tonight because he needed to prepare for the meeting tomorrow. But when he got back to the hotel, he went straight to bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xiao Zhan resolutely forced himself to focus his thoughts purely on the upcoming meeting with Trendiano all day. It didn’t matter what kind of mood he was in; he would not under any circumstance ever let himself appear unprofessional or unprepared. He spent the morning carefully ironing his suit and going over his proposal again and again.

The meeting was set for the early afternoon. Xiao Zhan arrived thirty minutes early, not wanting to risk any transportation mishaps. He was led into a conference room, and greeted with a round of polite smiles. For the first thirty minutes, he thought it was going well.

Then, as he was answering a question about how he could support the brand’s philosophy, one of the executives, who had been silent so far, interrupted him.

“Why are you here alone today? Shouldn’t you have a representative of WJJW with you?” she asked in an unfriendly tone.

Xiao Zhan blinked for a second in surprise, and then shook his head and smiled. He had prepared for this moment, too. “I apologize for the inconvenience. WJJW manages a great many people with incredible talents. I am just one small part of their company, but I promise that if you sign a contract with me, I will work hard and do everything I can to give you a strong return on your investment.”

“Mn,” she said. This was not a person with kind eyes. Xiao Zhan’s spine stiffened to bring him to sit a little straighter. “We would, of course, be signing a contract with WJJW, not with you.”

“Yes,” Xiao Zhan calmly affirmed. “They have signed every contract I’ve brought back to them.” 

To be fair, that was only two endorsement contracts so far, and he suspected it was only because he had been lucky enough to catch Long Danni in moments where her greed happened to be stronger than her spite. But it was still a true statement.

“You are quite old for an idol,” the executive observed. 

Xiao Zhan bowed his head slightly, and let his expression become more demure. “I cherish the opportunities I have been given, even though I do not deserve them. I cannot offer you what a younger idol would bring, and I apologize for my short-comings. What I can offer is my experience. I worked in the professional world before becoming an idol, and I strive to hold myself to very high standards of discipline and professionalism. I would humbly seek to make use of this experience to support your brand, if you choose to hire me.”

Xiao Zhan was not flustered; he was not blushing. He had learned to deal with this type of bully long ago. A steely anger flowed in his core, but on his surface all he showed was grace.

He saw several heads nodding around the table at his words.

But the executive continued. “Long Danni reached out to me personally not long ago, expressing her sincere wish that our campaign be a success. She had several suggestions for idols better suited for the youthful look of our brand.”

A few heads nodded along with her words as well.

Xiao Zhan bowed his head, still holding a soft smile. “I can only wish you the greatest success in your campaign. Long Danni is an experienced advisor and can spot many fruitful opportunities.”

“Thank you for your time,” she said, and with that, he was dismissed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All Xiao Zhan could think about through the hours of travel back to Hengdian was how badly he wanted to run straight into Yibo’s arms. How he wanted Yibo to hold him, kiss him, tell him he’s beautiful, tell him everything was going to be okay.

But, it was just a thought. He would never burden Yibo with something like this. WJJW and Long Danni were Xiao Zhan’s problem to solve.

Xiao Zhan landed late, arriving back at the hotel after 11 pm. He saw the CQL bus sitting empty in the parking lot, so at least he knew Yibo was probably back by now too.

He found himself standing in front of Yibo’s door, hand raised to knock. 

Maybe he should just let Yibo sleep and see him in the morning.

It would give Xiao Zhan a little time to pull himself together too.

Slowly he lowered his hand, telling himself to just go walk into his own room. But he couldn’t get himself to move.

Suddenly, the door in front of him swung open.

“Zhan-ge!” Yibo’s face was as bright as a summer afternoon. Yibo immediately pulled him into his room and hugged him tight tight tight.

Xiao Zhan let himself be crushed by the hug, held so so tight, surrounded, welcomed, relief aching through him. He blinked back tears. Home , the word dropped into his belly. This felt like home.

“Zhan-ge you’re back!” Yibo spoke excitedly. “How was the shoot? How did your meeting go?”

Yibo kissed Xiao Zhan before he could even answer, and Xiao Zhan welcomed his lips, his heat, all of his beautiful presence. 

Home. Oh it was so good to be home .

Yibo’s nose brushed his cheek and he paused, pulling back to look Xiao Zhan in the face. “You’re crying.”

Xiao Zhan shook his head, smiling and desperately telling the tears to stop. “I’m just glad to be back.”

“I’m so glad you’re back,” Yibo agreed, pressing him in another deep kiss. “How was your trip?” He finally asked after pulling away again.

Xiao Zhan laughed. “I don’t know how you’re so good at photo shoots, Wang Laoshi, I never know what I’m doing! You capture the camera without even trying!”

Yibo pinned him in a very serious stare. “You’re incredible at photo shoots. You look so beautiful. Every photo of you is so beautiful. You’re the most handsome man in the world.”

Xiao Zhan blushed and laughed and shook his head, and awfully, felt another brim of tears threatening to spill from his eyes. This was ridiculous! He wasn’t a cryer. Only on stage, or reading a good book, or watching a good drama.

But not like this .

“Zhan-ge,” Yibo’s warm voice wrapped around his heart. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong!” He laughed again, even as his eyes continued to betray him. “It’s just really, really good to be back.”

Yibo narrowed his eyes. “How was the meeting?”

Xiao Zhan made himself keep his smile. “Good, I think several people on their team liked my presentation.”

“Mn,” Yibo nodded, but his face looked a little uncertain. “Did they give you the contract?”

Xiao Zhan’s eyes evaded his. “I think they just want to talk to a few more people before they make their decision.”

Xiao Zhan could feel Yibo frown without even looking at him. “Why would they want to look at anyone else. You’re the best.”

“Lao Wang,” Xiao Zhan sighed, looking back at him. “Not everyone has to like me! It’s okay.”

“Who wouldn’t like you?” Yibo sounded deeply offended.

“No one! They just want to consider some options for the best fit for their brand.”

“But you’re the best fit.” Yibo sounded indignant.

Xiao Zhan swatted at him. “Do you even know what brand it is?”

“Of course,” Yibo said. “Trendiano. I read your presentation. You would look incredible in their clothes. You’re the best choice.”

Xiao Zhan rolled his eyes, “Now you’re just believing my own marketing!”

“But it’s correct. You’re the most talented, professional, handsome person they could possibly find.”

Xiao Zhan bit back a smile. Obviously Yibo was just smitten, but it was still making him feel better. “Okay okay okay, Lao Wang, I give up. They should have chosen me.”

It felt a little weird to say those words out loud. He didn’t disagree with Yibo that Trendiano should have given him more of a fair chance, but that didn’t mean he was automatically the best option either. 

He was only angry because Long Danni had come in and destroyed even the chance for him, after he’d done all the leg-work himself of finding the opportunity, submitting his materials, and arranging the meeting. All those phone calls and emails and hours of preparation down the drain. And a whole extra day lost from being here, in this incredible place, with this incredible person.

He pushed these thoughts out of his mind before they could show on his face. Yibo didn’t have to know about any of that. 

Xiao Zhan scooted back to the bed and pulled Yibo on top of him, hoping to distract them both from any more unpleasant thoughts. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next couple of days were spent filming big city crowd scenes.

The first day was from early in their story, when Lan Zhan and Wei Ying were searching for the Yin Iron. It was so fun showing Lan Zhan around a bright city, playing with him and teasing him. 

In a moment of utter beauty, a cascade of flower petals fell around Lan Zhan; Wei Ying couldn’t take his eyes off him. Yibo’s performance was stunning, the way his face became so subtly soft. Xiao Zhan’s heart felt so, so full watching him.

The second day they were in Yiling, on the day that Lan Zhan came to visit Wei Ying. It was the day Lan Zhan met A-Yuan.

Watching Lan Zhan interact with A-Yuan was doing huge wild sweet confusing don’t-think-about-it things to Wei Ying’s heart.

Watching Yibo interact with A-Yuan…. 

Xiao Zhan couldn’t not think about it.

Yibo’s intuitive gentleness, the way A-Yuan trusted him utterly and immediately. The ease with which Yibo picked him up and held him. The soft smile on Yibo’s face as A-Yuan giggled in his arms.

Xiao Zhan’s heart was swooping with it. His mind flooded with images of Yibo caring for their kids, bandaids and skateboard lessons and evenings all cuddled up on the couch.

But it was impossible. Xiao Zhan couldn’t give Yibo children.

Yibo could have kids — he’d have to wait until he was a little older with a better established career — but he could eventually marry a woman in private and start a family.

Xiao Zhan’s mind rushed with thoughts of how desperately selfish and wrong it was of him to even think about taking away Yibo’s chance to have children.

Xiao Zhan could see with blinding clarity how happy being a father would make Yibo. How deeply he would love his kids. The way his face would light up every day seeing them. How gently and steadily he would care for them. How ferociously he would protect them.

Xiao Zhan’s stomach clenched. Had he really forgotten so quickly everything at stake? Had he really let a couple days of pleasure wipe all responsibility from his mind?

Yibo didn’t seem to notice Xiao Zhan’s quiet mood for a bit, until after A-Yuan left for the day.

When Xiao Zhan noticed Yibo pinning him with an inquisitive look, Xiao Zhan braced himself for the barrage of questions about what was wrong. But Yibo just looked at him silently. He also was unusually quiet throughout dinner.

Somehow this was worse than the questions.

Xiao Zhan was the one who finally broke, sitting cross-legged on Yibo’s bed later that night.

“Yibo, why are you so quiet?”

Yibo looked at him for a long time. “Zhan-ge, do you want kids?”

The question took Xiao Zhan by surprise. Without meaning to, he nodded his head.

Yibo frowned slightly. “Would you rather date a woman, who you could have kids with?”

Xiao Zhan was gobsmacked. He hadn’t considered dating a woman in…. years. The thought of impregnating a woman was, was — not the worst thing he could imagine theoretically , women were great and brilliant and beautiful — but practically speaking —

He blanched. “I thought… I thought it was pretty obvious….”

Yibo’s face fell, but he had a strange air of determination. “Oh.... Zhan-ge, I want you to be happy. It’s okay if you want to find someone you can have kids with.”

What was happening .

“What are you talking about, Yibo??? I don’t want — I don’t want to go find a woman to have kids with!!!!”

Yibo stared at him, seeming still confused but a bit more hopeful. 

This little fool !!!!

“I meant — I meant I thought it was pretty obvious, I’m not the type who would … yknow … get someone pregnant???”

Yibo’s face lightened considerably, and then he started cackling. He laughed and laughed and laughed.

“What!” Xiao Zhan demanded.

“You — you — you’re not the type — “

Oh my goddddddddd . Xiao Zhan grabbed a pillow and leapt up and beat him with it, hitting him again and again. Yibo wouldn’t stop laughing.

“Ugh!!!!” Xiao Zhan groaned. He sat back down on the edge of the bed and crossed his arms, and ignored Yibo, who took several more minutes to get himself under control.

Finally Yibo calmed down, and his face became more serious again. “But you want kids.”

Xiao Zhan sighed, keeping his arms crossed and not looking Yibo in the eye. “I used to — I used to think, maybe if I found someone, we could adopt. Well, one of us could adopt, and it would be fine, we could still make a family. But,” he finally looked at Yibo. “I gave all that up a while ago. I knew once I was an idol, I couldn’t do things like that.”

He tried to sound steady and composed. It didn’t matter what — what he might be realizing he still felt. He’d already made his decision.

“But we could.” Yibo looked at him earnestly. “We could adopt.”

“Yibo,” Xiao Zhan stared at him in true consternation. “You can’t be serious. The risks — “

Yibo interrupted him. “We can figure it out.” 

“Da-ge,” Xiao Zhan said in exasperation. “Not everything can be figured out!”

“Can.” Yibo insisted.

“That’s not how the world works! How would we hide a kid! Who would take them to school? Who would take them to the park? Could we go out to dinner together? Could we take them on vacation?”

“I don’t know,” Yibo said simply. “But we can figure it out.”

Xiao Zhan would not be lured by his unshakeable confidence. No matter how enticing it felt. No matter how much Xiao Zhan desperately wanted the possibility to be real.

He felt a welling of grief. Yibo really did believe anything was possible. It was going to cost him, someday — he at least needed to be aware of the choices he was making! Before they caught him bitterly, before it was too late.

“Yibo, you have to be realistic! You have to be real about our situation! You — YOU could have children! You, you really could find somebody … somebody who could have a baby. You shouldn’t give that up. You shouldn’t — you can’t — you don’t have to give up that dream, Yibo. Not for me, please don’t give it up for me.”

Xiao Zhan implored Yibo to understand. Before it was too late. He needed Yibo to understand that choosing him came at a cost . 

“But you’re my dream,” Yibo said, simply, his voice clear and devastatingly earnest. “You’re what I want.”

“Yibo,” Xiao Zhan was at his wit’s end. “You can’t — I can’t be — you can’t mean that! There’s so much out there for you!”

“Of course I mean it. Don’t tell me I don’t mean it!” Yibo sounded frustrated.

“But — “

“No but! Don’t tell me but!”

Xiao Zhan froze. 

“I want you.” Yibo sounded so certain. 

Xiao Zhan stamped his foot. “You’re not listening!”

“Of course I’m listening,” Yibo stated. 

“You think everything’s going to be okay!”

“No I don’t. I can’t predict the future.” 

Xiao Zhan was going to lose his mind. “You just said we can figure out how to have children! There’s no way you can know that!”

“You can’t know that it won’t work either,” Yibo argued, with maddening logic.

“Yes I do!” Xiao Zhan didn’t care if he was being unreasonable. None of this was the point . “You’re acting like everything is going to be okay!”

“No I’m not,” Yibo was frustrated. “Okay, not okay, it doesn’t matter! You have to follow your instinct. Do what you want.”

Xiao Zhan suddenly found himself thinking about the hard things Yibo had lived through because of doing what he wanted. Leaving home so young, dealing with anti-fan harassment, having to leave Korea right after UNIQ’s debut because of the Hallyu ban. 

Yibo knew things didn’t always work out how you planned. But — 

“But it’s not worth it,” Xiao Zhan insisted. “If we get caught it could destroy your career!”

“You’re worth it.” Yibo sounded even angrier.

No — he wasn’t! Xiao Zhan wasn’t! Nothing could be worth that!

“I can’t be the reason your life is ruined! I can’t be the thing that holds you back!”

Yibo surged forward and grabbed his wrist so tightly it hurt. Xiao Zhan glared at him.

“You. Are. Worth. It.” Yibo growled.

“I’m not!” 

The words leapt from Xiao Zhan’s mouth, rebounding around the room.

Yibo froze, looking at him with huge, bewildered eyes. “Zhan-ge, how can you say that?”

Xiao Zhan’s breath caught in his throat. 

“I don’t — it’s not — it’s not about me! Nothing is worth that!”

Yibo was staring searchingly at him, ignoring his explanations. “How could you say something like that about yourself?”

“I — I — “ Xiao Zhan didn’t know what to say. He felt caught, even though he didn’t know quite what he was caught for. He just suddenly didn’t want to be having this conversation anymore. He needed to disappear.

He tried to jerk his arm free from Yibo’s grip, but Yibo rolled with the movement of his arm and hung on. 

Why was he so tenacious???

Xiao Zhan stood staring at Yibo. Horrifyingly, he felt tears start to well up in his eyes. 

“Zhan-ge,” Yibo’s grip loosened. 

Xiao Zhan finally pulled his arm free.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, and fled from the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He started the next day withdrawn and quiet. Yibo, too, seemed quieter than normal, and he kept shooting worried glances at Xiao Zhan.

But today of all days, Xiao Zhan couldn’t handle the increased scrutiny. 

So he began to act playful, teasing and poking Yibo until he had Yibo chatting and laughing and hitting him like normal. Soon he felt pretty close to normal too.

By the time they were running down the stairs of Golden Carp Tower together, they were giggling helplessly. It was so silly to run down these million tiny stairs! How were they supposed to look dignified! He and Yibo struggled to regain control of themselves, and finally they got a successful take. They got a short break while the next part of the scene was set up.

They chatted while they waited, standing near each other on the middle landing of the stairs. And then, Yibo full on made a kissing face at Xiao Zhan, right in front of everyone!

Did he have no sense??? Did he really not give a fuck about any of the risks they were taking??

Xiao Zhan looked away from him in exasperation.

But Xiao Zhan just couldn’t help it, and bit the side of his lip flirtily back. He didn’t look at Yibo, but could have felt his grin from lightyears away.

Little fool!!!!!

Soon they were shooting again, standing on the stair landing, surrounded by a full circle of pointing, accusing swords. 

“Hanguang-Jun was also fooled by you!” Jin Guangyao shouted from the crowd.

“You’re right,” Wei Ying affirmed, immediately grateful for the excuse to save Lan Zhan from being associated with him.

“Not right.” Lan Zhan’s refusal was swift and coldly furious. 

What was Lan Zhan doing? Wei Ying spoke quietly, trying to persuade him — he could walk away from this unscathed! He didn’t have to bring Wei Ying’s hardships upon himself.

Lan Zhan gazed at him softly. “The feeling of walking on the single plank bridge til it’s dark isn’t so bad.”

It took a moment for the words to filter in. The single plank bridge….

Someone wanted to walk the lonely path with him. 

And then he realized that Lan Zhan had already been walking the path with him. Wei Ying wasn’t alone in the dark anymore. There was a bright, beautiful being by his side, warming him along the way.

A sweet smile bloomed across Wei Ying’s face as he gazed back at Lan Zhan.

————

Xiao Zhan felt thoughtful the rest of the evening. He thought about what it meant for Wei Ying not to have to face the wide world alone anymore. He thought about the love in Lan Zhan’s eyes. He thought about the desire to hold another person’s burdens alongside them.

Xiao Zhan slept in his own room that night, but only after he bid Yibo goodnight and safe travels in the morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yibo was gone just for a day this time, since he had finished filming for Produce 101 the previous week. 

Xiao Zhan was glad Yibo was only gone for a day.

He floated through the day smiling at the people around him, but his thoughts were deep inside himself. 

He called Yibo on an afternoon break, but Yibo didn’t answer, so he left a voice message.

“Hey Lan Zhan,” he said with a sticky voice. “Why do you want to walk the single plank bridge with Wei Ying?”

When he checked his phone a couple hours later, there was a voice message in response.

“Not Lan Zhan.” Yibo sounded angry. “Not Wei Ying. Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan. Why don’t you ask, why does Wang Yibo want to accompany Xiao Zhan?”

Xiao Zhan didn’t reply, and put his phone away, and tried to only think about work for the rest of the evening.

Yibo’s flight didn’t get in until 11 pm, and he wouldn’t get back to the hotel until midnight at the earliest. He’d sent Xiao Zhan several messages telling him to go to bed early, to rest and not wait up for him.

But it was almost midnight, and Xiao Zhan was not sleepy at all. He pulled a chair over to sit right next to his hotel room door, and propped the door open. He sat with his knees curled up to his chin, holding his script. But he didn’t open it. He just waited, listening and peeking through the crack in his doorway.

Finally, the elevator dinged, and the doors slid open. Xiao Zhan leapt up and rushed into the hallway. He paused for just a moment, and then kept running forward until he stopped just in front of Yibo.

Yibo was looking at him with wide, surprised eyes.

“Welcome back,” Xiao Zhan said, suddenly feeling shy. He looked down and smiled. 

He was surprised by Yibo’s lips pressing against his in a warm, hungry kiss.

Xiao Zhan yelped, and his eyes went wide.

“Not here!” He whispered urgently.

Yibo cackled much too loud for the hallway at midnight, and chased him, suitcase dragging noisily behind him, all the way back into Xiao Zhan’s room.

Yibo threw the door shut behind them. He immediately pounced on Xiao Zhan, kissing him breathless until Xiao Zhan pushed him off, huffing in exasperation. 

“Can’t you wait a second?”

“Don’t want to,” and he tried to kiss Xiao Zhan again, but Xiao Zhan ferociously swatted him away.

“Why wait,” Yibo insisted.

Xiao Zhan sighed and flopped back on the bed. “You didn’t even say hi,” he complained.

“Hi,” Yibo said with a smirk.

Xiao Zhan sat up and smacked his arm. “You have to say more than that! What kind of greeting is that!”

“Did you miss me?”

Xiao Zhan gritted his teeth at Yibo and hit him again. And then he sighed, his mouth falling into a pout.

“Lan Zhan is neglecting Wei Ying,” he whined.

Yibo was not smiling anymore. “Not Lan Zhan. Not Wei Ying. I already told you.”

“What did you tell me?” Xiao Zhan’s heart was in his throat.

“Not Lan Zhan and Wei Ying.” Yibo sounded deadly serious. He grabbed Xiao Zhan’s hand and yanked him up to standing, but Xiao Zhan immediately sat back down on the edge of the bed, not bothering to let go of Yibo’s hand.

Yibo immediately sat next to him, and grabbed his face, turning it so they were eye to eye.

“Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan,” he enunciated word by word. “Why don’t you ask, why does Wang Yibo want to accompany Xiao Zhan?”

Xiao Zhan’s heart raced. He didn’t say anything, but he looked at Yibo expectantly.

Yibo glared at him. “Ask it.”

Xiao Zhan blinked at him, half in a panic.

Was Yibo really going to make him ask? Why wouldn’t Yibo just say ….

But deep down, Xiao Zhan knew Yibo was right. He had to say it.

Yibo couldn’t cross this threshold alone. 

Xiao Zhan’s heart pounded. He had run up to the edge of this cliff, and now, trembling to his bones, he had to step off of it.

“Why,” his mouth was so dry he could hardly speak. “Why do you want to accompany me?”

“Because I love you,” Yibo said, his words rushing out of his mouth, eager and urgent. “I’ll do anything for you. I want to spend my life with you.”

The words swept through Xiao Zhan, bright and burning as the sun. It was a thunderstrike and a breeze, a rising storm and the air after the rain.

“I — “ he could not bear the brightness of this soul before him. He was not worthy to hold this extraordinary heart. 

But it had been placed in his hands. 

And he wanted to hold it. Oh, how he wanted to.

Xiao Zhan’s spirit crashed into his body. He felt aware of every atom, every breath, the hum of the air vents, the softness of his shirt, the sweat on Yibo’s palms, every line of the eyelashes framing Yibo’s intense eyes. 

“I love you too, Wang Yibo,” he said with a gasp, eyes suddenly filling with tears. “I want to spend my life with you too. I’ll do anything for you too.”

Yibo surged forward, cupping his cheeks, drawing him in a deep, desperate, radiant kiss. Xiao Zhan pressed back, fervent and bursting with need.

Yibo pushed him back on the bed, leaning on top of him.

“Zhan-ge, Zhan-ge,” Yibo muttered, kissing all over Xiao Zhan’s face and neck, and as much of Xiao Zhan’s chest as he could reach with his shirt in the way. Xiao Zhan hurriedly reached down to grab his shirt and in a breath Yibo pulled it off for him, not pausing a second as his kissed his collarbone, kissed down his chest, kissed his nipples, kissed his sternum and down his belly, down to the line of his underwear, where he lingered, pressing his lips tenderly, and then surged up to capture Xiao Zhan’s mouth again.

Xiao Zhan was enveloped, yearning up toward Yibo, letting all the light and dark wash through him.

“Zhan-ge,” Yibo sounded urgent, and then he moved down and licked a broad stripe over Xiao Zhan’s nipple. Xiao Zhan moaned and arched his chest into the warm pressure.

“Zhan-ge — “ 

Xiao Zhan’s heart quickened as he caught Yibo’s gruff need, the want pouring from Yibo’s mouth into his skin, his muscles, his blood.

“Let me.” Yibo’s eyes burned dark up at Xiao Zhan. His voice was low and compelling. “Let me take care of you.”

Xiao Zhan could not say no — he could not stop himself from giving Yibo what he wanted. Deep, deep in his heart he also wanted —

“Okay,” he whispered, “you can.” 

Yibo’s mouth latched around his nipple, sucking hard, sending a delicious ache through his chest, down to his groin. Xiao Zhan moaned with the rise and fall of it, warm lapping and sucking pushing through him again and again. And then everything sharpened, Yibo’s teeth nibbling and pulling, low grunts thrusting from his mouth as Xiao Zhan’s sounds became more breathless, frantic wisps of sound as he sucked in air. 

Slivers of electric pain shot through him each time Yibo bit, and then Yibo reached up with his hand and grabbed the other nipple and twisted , and Xiao Zhan could not stop the cry that jumped from his mouth. He felt the rumble of Yibo’s grunt against his chest, and Yibo continued, shooting sharp, exquisite pains through him, and another and another and another, he was full of the cacophony of it, threads of thought splintering —

And then Yibo’s other hand slid down Xiao Zhan’s torso, squeezing his soft flesh, a shivering ache pouring between the sharp bites and pinches, and Xiao Zhan squirmed with a long, low cry. Yibo growled into his chest and pinched the side of Xiao Zhan’s stomach hard and Xiao Zhan let out a shocked shout. In the next moment Yibo’s hand pushed under the edge of Xiao Zhan’s underwear. 

Xiao Zhan’s breath caught as Yibo paused for a second, his cells frozen in anticipation, and then suddenly his cock was fully enveloped in Yibo’s big hand.

Xiao Zhan gasped, overwhelmed by the sensation of being in Yibo’s powerful grip, in his control, Xiao Zhan felt so small, Yibo felt so big, the pleasure was so deafening — 

There was a swift, confident tug —

Delirious pleasure rushed from Xiao Zhan’s cock to the top of his scalp, warming and tingling –

“Ahh! Ahh!”

Three swift tugs of tight, warm, unbearably delicious pressure –

He couldn’t –

Xiao Zhan flooded with an overflowing, overwhelming brightness, his mind flying from his body for a brief, soaring moment. And then with a flash of hot shame, he realized that he’d come already, his white sticky stuff spraying onto his stomach and chest. He was really that easy; he really couldn’t handle even three seconds of Yibo’s touch.

His eyes opened and he looked in a panic at Yibo, only to realize that Yibo was bent over his stomach, enthusiastically lapping up his come. A moment later the sensation flooded back into him, and the muscle of that tongue was so lewd on his skin, hot and ticklish, and then he was laughing helplessly, but tears were squeezing out of the corners of his eyes.

“Don’t,” he whispered, “don’t.”

Without looking, Yibo reached up and clamped a hand over his mouth, and kept licking.

“Eat you,” Yibo muttered. “Want to eat you.”

Xiao Zhan was being devoured, hot and frozen under the insistent mouth, tickled to breathlessness against the hand clamping his mouth. He had no control; he was dying. 

Yibo finished lapping up the come and looked up at Xiao Zhan with a smirk. But the second he saw the overwhelmed look on Xiao Zhan’s face, his expression changed.

“Zhan-ge?”

Xiao Zhan flushed, he wanted to cover his face. “I — “ he stuttered, “I didn’t mean to — “

Yibo leaned up and seized his mouth in a kiss, heavy heat surrounding Xiao Zhan and pouring into him, Yibo’s tongue plowing into him, claiming him.

“So good,” Yibo said, low and intense, “taste so good, so beautiful.”

Xiao Zhan whimpered. He could taste himself in the kiss, and he felt dirty and astonished and unbearably accepted.

“So good, Zhanzhan,” Yibo repeated. His intrusions continued, insisting their way past the barriers of Xiao Zhan’s mind, bidding his body to relax and receive.

Xiao Zhan’s muscles began to let go, and Yibo rapidly pulled off the rest of their clothes. He climbed in between Xiao Zhan’s legs, and kissed him, leaning heavily into him.

Xiao Zhan could feel Yibo’s hugeness hanging hard between them, as it brushed and poked against his belly and thigh. He began to shiver.

Yibo pulled Xiao Zhan toward him, hugging him tightly in his arms, kissing deeply, needfully.

Xiao Zhan continued to tremble and Yibo paused, breathing hard. “Are you okay? Are you cold?”

Yibo’s concern wrapped around him like a warm blanket, sinking deep into his belly.

It was okay. He didn’t have to fight, here. He didn’t have to keep control.

Xiao Zhan arched up into Yibo’s arms, heedless of his trembling, rubbing himself against Yibo’s cock. He couldn’t believe he was going to take this huge thing. Even the thought of it made him feel delirious.

“Okay. Not cold.”

Yibo’s grip on him tightened with the new friction. He was breathing heavily. But he stared into Xiao Zhan’s eyes, searching for confirmation.

Xiao Zhan leaned forward and kissed him again, and then Yibo responded fiercely, as if lit by fire, pouring heat into his body.

Xiao Zhan moved with his touch, chasing Yibo’s presses and pushes, aching to be engulfed by the inferno burning on top of him.

Yibo squeezed the back of his neck and Xiao Zhan’s head lolled automatically, as Yibo pushed into him with his tongue. Yibo’s other hand came back to his side, squeezing again, and Xiao Zhan groaned frantically into his mouth as Yibo’s hands kneaded him apart.

Yibo ate his mouth, insatiable, Xiao Zhan falling more and more helplessly into his grip. Yibo licked down his chin and neck, and then dragged his tongue over his Adam’s apple, pressing into the sensitive bulge as Xiao Zhan choked out a cry in shivery overwhelm. Yibo’s hand continued to relentlessly squeeze his side, leaving Xiao Zhan weaker and weaker, the overwhelming play of pressure and delirium sapping his body of coherence. 

Suddenly Yibo’s mouth was on Xiao Zhan’s pec and he bit hard, and Xiao Zhan shouted, and then Yibo’s mouth was latched on his side, sucking a feverish bruise as Xiao Zhan squirmed and shivered and whimpered uncontrollably.

Yibo grunted, and then his hands were digging into the flesh of Xiao Zhan’s ass, grabbing and massaging his cheeks forcefully —

A flash of irrational panic shot through Xiao Zhan as Yibo moved downwards, and his thighs clenched around Yibo, who just squeezed his cheeks harder, and continued with his mouth, sucking a path of bruises from his side down his hip and thigh. He was relentless. There was no escape.

And then, oh god , Yibo’s head was between Xiao Zhan’s legs, and Yibo was pulling his cheeks apart, it was so embarrassing, he could see everything —

“Wow,” Yibo’s voice rumbled from down low —

Xiao Zhan’s hands shot up to cover his face —

and suddenly Yibo’s tongue was there, hot and wet and unstoppable, licking and tasting his skin and sweat, from the crease of his thigh to his balls to his taint to his ass, and then it was on his hole, lascivious, insatiable, sending cascades of shivers through his body.

Xiao Zhan moaned as Yibo’s tongue and breath fell hot on his exposed flesh, he couldn’t believe someone was licking him there, no one had ever —

Yibo’s tongue became heavy and insistent against his hole, focused, a growing pressure —

Xiao Zhan gasped as Yibo’s tongue pushed into him. He tensed in shock, tightening with a small jolt of pain against the unexpected entrance. 

“What — are you —“ he gasped, but he interrupted his own thought with a wanton moan, his mind blanking out as the pressure intensified and Yibo pushed in further.

It was — it was —

How could Yibo want —

His other partners had never —

“Ahh, ahh,” he called mindlessly, the embarrassment and pain and pleasure scrambling him, his hole tensing and releasing in confusion around the slippery muscle. Yibo grunted into him.

Yibo’s fingers dug harder into his ass, stretching the cheeks further apart, his tongue pushing more forcefully and urgently, his nose jutting into Xiao Zhan’s sensitive skin — it was a wild embrace, Yibo’s ravenous satisfaction humming up through Xiao Zhan’s insides.

Xiao Zhan’s thighs clenched unconsciously around Yibo’s head, as if they could control the wet muscle pressing eagerly into him. But there was no controlling it, no stopping it, no stopping the force that was Yibo. 

Yibo slurped and licked and pushed, insatiable, and Xiao Zhan squirmed against the insistent tongue, humming desperately as his skin flashed hot and cold at the unrelenting shock of the sensations flooding up through him.

“Bo- … Bo- … Bo-ge!” He finally managed to gasp out. He was going to lose his mind. 

“Mn,” Yibo groaned into him, his grip tightening impossibly harder.

“P-please!” Xiao Zhan gasped, not even knowing what he was begging for, he just couldn’t —

Yibo went even crazier, and the pressure of his tongue stretching Xiao Zhan’s hole surged, a jolt of sharp pain shot through him — 

Xiao Zhan’s legs flailed and kicked Yibo’s back as he cried out.

Suddenly Yibo’s tongue was gone, and the swoop of relief Xiao Zhan felt was immediately followed by an awful emptiness.  

He kicked Yibo again in frustration. Yibo looked up at him. His lips and chin and nose were shiny, and his eyes were dark with confusion.

Xiao Zhan panted rapidly, and he realized his legs were trembling. 

“Zhan-ge?”

Xiao Zhan shook his head absently. “How can you…. Where did you… why would… how can you do that???” he finally managed to spit out.

“I like it,” Yibo answered, his voice hoarse and earnest. “Don’t you like it?”

Xiao Zhan’s head moved in a confused loop, unable to shake or nod. Did he like it? He couldn’t think….

Suddenly Yibo was on top of him, pressing his body down into the bed with his own slim, muscular weight. Xiao Zhan felt his chest pressing up into Yibo’s as it expanded with air. He wrapped his arms desperately around Yibo’s back.

Yibo hugged him tight and spoke into his neck, his voice gruff. “You promised. Don’t do it if you don’t want it.”

“I… I want it, I want it,” Xiao Zhan’s words broke through in a rush. “I want you.”

Yibo squeezed him so tight it hurt. Xiao Zhan reached up and stroked his hair, heart pounding.

Yibo insisted, “But did you like that.”

“I…” Xiao Zhan tried desperately to think thoughts as his mind flooded with the sensations of a moment ago, the heat, the pressure, the inescapable, flexible, intruding muscle. He flushed hot hot hot. “I…”

Yibo was gazing at him, his eyes penetrating.

“Ge,” Xiao Zhan blurted out helplessly, his eyes searching Yibo’s face, as if Yibo could somehow give him the answer.

“You — you can say if you don’t like it,” Yibo said, his voice cracking slightly. He cleared his throat.

“I…” With a flash of sudden realization, Xiao Zhan’s skin burned so hot that it could have evaporated right off of him. His voice fell to a barely audible whisper. “Like it.”

Yibo grinned, looking overjoyed, then surged forward to kiss Xiao Zhan deeply.

Xiao Zhan sank under the pressure and comfort of his lips, losing his mind for several moments, until he humphed and lightly shoved Yibo away.  “What are you so thrilled about?”

“You like it,” Yibo answered nonsensically.

He leaned forward and kissed Xiao Zhan again, hot breath and penetrating tongue — oh my god his tongue — that tongue had —  

And then Yibo’s tongue was on his Adam’s apple again, and Xiao Zhan sank into the pressure on his throat, not breathing, sinking —

And then Yibo’s head was moving downward again —

But Xiao Zhan really couldn’t take anymore! Not right now, not — not —

Xiao Zhan’s hand shot out and grabbed Yibo’s hair, pulling it sharply.

Yibo looked up at him again, his eyes surprised.

“Just — just — “ Xiao Zhan stammered.

Yibo looked at him expectantly.

“Just — ” 

Then Xiao Zhan leaned up and reached between their bodies, stretching until his fingertips brushed against the thick head of Yibo’s cock. He swallowed, and reached further down, and wrapped his hand around the thick cock. He felt it swell in his touch. 

He still couldn’t believe how big it was.

“Just… “

Suddenly he couldn’t meet Yibo’s eyes.

He could feel Yibo breathing heavily on top of him.

And then Yibo grabbed his hand and moved it swiftly aside, and jumped off the bed.

Xiao Zhan let out a cry of surprise. But he watched as Yibo ran over to his suitcase and dug through it furiously. A moment later, Yibo pulled out a box of condoms and a bottle of lube, and turned around.

Xiao Zhan’s breath caught at the sight of his body, his slim, powerful frame, the beautiful lines of his muscles, his huge, gorgeous cock. 

Xiao Zhan couldn’t look away as Yibo walked towards him. But then Yibo froze, standing at the edge of the bed.

Xiao Zhan squinted in confusion. 

“Do you — “ Yibo cleared his throat. “Are you sure?”

Xiao Zhan’s eyes almost popped out of his head. How could he make it any clearer! He’d practically begged Yibo for his cock just now!

He stared at Yibo in bewilderment.

“It… it might hurt,” Yibo said quietly, looking down at the ground.

And then Xiao Zhan remembered — how could he have forgotten — how was Yibo already so ming-bogglingly good at this??? — that this was Yibo’s first time. 

Xiao Zhan scrambled to sit up, moving a little stiffly.

Yibo swiftly sat by his side, putting his hand on Xiao Zhan’s lower back to support him, while his other hand still held the condoms and lube. 

He was gazing at Xiao Zhan with wide eyes. 

Xiao Zhan reached forward and stroked Yibo’s cheek. 

“Bo-ge,” he uttered, speaking tenderly. “It’s okay, if it…. It’s okay, because it’s you, I want to feel…feel yo—“

His voice faded to an inaudible whisper as his nerve began to fail him.

He bit his lip. His eyes drifted to the box of condoms.

“Um.” Xiao Zhan tried to gather his thoughts, and landed on a simpler target. “If you… don’t want, you don’t have to use those. I’ve been tested.”

A complicated mix of emotions tumbled across Yibo’s face.

“If you want to though,” Xiao Zhan rushed to add, “it’s okay.”

Yibo stared into his eyes. “I don’t want to.”

Heat smoldered in Xiao Zhan’s gut.

Yibo cleared his throat. “I haven’t been tested.”

Xiao Zhan bit back a smile, affection filling him and soothing his frayed nerves. “I know.” 

Yibo’s cheeks burned, and Xiao Zhan quickly drew him into a kiss. He felt Yibo lean into him.

“Bo-ge,” he uttered again, his heart pounding. He’d never had to speak his heart so plainly before, much less having to keep speaking it over and over. It felt like he was peeling off his own skin, layer by layer. 

“None of the others… no one…,” he could feel Yibo tense against him. He was messing this up. He tried with all his might to find better words — 

“No one has ever made me feel like this. Nothing like this. You… you, you have….” He suddenly took the supplies out of Yibo’s hand and threw them on the bed, and then pressed Yibo’s hand against his chest. “You have….”

He pressed Yibo's hand harder against his heart, staring at Yibo. He needed Yibo to understand this was as big a deal to him as it was to Yibo. That none of his past experiences could hold even the tiniest candle to the roaring, radiant flame here now. That the earth was shattering beneath both of their feet, together.

Yibo gazed at his hand pressed against Xiao Zhan’s chest. Then he leaned forward and kissed Xiao Zhan with an indescribable warmth.

Xiao Zhan slowly calmed. He tilted his head and kissed Yibo’s neck, and then his jaw, and then his cheek. The tenderness in Xiao Zhan’s heart was so thick he could barely breathe.

He looked Yibo in the eyes. “I’m yours.”

Yibo’s eyes bore into him, dark, penetrating, drowning with love.

And then Yibo leaned into him, over him, powerful muscle pressing him into the bed, powerful tongue shoving into his mouth, powerful hands gripping deep bruises into his sides, powerful thighs spreading his legs apart.

Xiao Zhan’s heart began to pound furiously. Yibo bit his shoulder hard and Xiao Zhan looked with wide-eyed surprise at Yibo, only to be met with a stare so ferocious that suddenly Xiao Zhan couldn’t breathe. 

He found himself wildly wondering whether he’d laid down not in front of a puppy, but a panther.

His heart rabbited faster and faster, and then he heard the click of the lid snapping closed on the bottle of lube, and then he shivered with the sensation of the cold substance rubbing over his hole, and then he felt Yibo’s huge thing brushing against his entrance —

The pressure was so good at first, yearning, pushing deliciously into the looseness opened by Yibo’s tongue —

And then it grew. It sharpened. 

“Ah!” A sound of pinched pain escaped Xiao Zhan’s lips before he could stop it.

Yibo froze for a second. But then he growled low and continued to push in, glacially slow but steady.

Sweat poured off of Xiao Zhan’s body as the pressure grew. 

Oh

Oh

It burned.

He clenched his jaw, forgetting to breathe as his consciousness narrowed to the singular sensation of the growing pressure, of the big hard thing shoving mercilessly against his tender, stretching skin.

And then with the slightest release, the head of Yibo’s cock popped in.

Xiao Zhan gasped; his head was spinning; his hole spasmed and clenched, waves of pain radiating into him. 

That was only the head???

He had no time to gather his thoughts as Yibo kept pushing.

Bright pain burst through him as Yibo’s long, thick girth kept shoving past his rim, splitting him, filling him. He clenched his jaw and squeezed his eyes tight, bracing himself. It kept going, and going. 

It began to feel like infinity, like time had ceased. All there was was this searing steel cleaving into him forever, and his desperate determination to take it, to bear it, to not cry out.

And then, suddenly, the motion stopped. Past the sharp, burning pain, he became dimly aware of Yibo’s hip bones jutting against his thighs. He focused on this sensation, desperate for a distraction. He became aware that Yibo’s thighs were trembling lightly. He felt drips of Yibo’s sweat land on his belly. 

He focused and tried to breathe, begging his muscles to unclench, breathe through it, just another wave, just another, just another.

“Zhan-ge,” Yibo’s voice was husky and strained.

Xiao Zhan tried to gather himself, grasping for threads through the fire, willing himself into coherence. 

“I’m okay, baobei,” he whispered, amazed at how steady his voice came out even as his body screamed at him.

“Zhanzhan,” Yibo muttered and leaned forward.

“Ah!” Xiao Zhan cried sharply as Yibo’s cock pushed even deeper inside. It had just caught him by surprise.

Yibo froze again.

Xiao Zhan reached up and wrapped his arms around Yibo’s neck and pulled him toward him.

“Ohhhhh,” he moaned gutterally, but this time there was the faintest taste of pleasure within it.

Yibo leaned forward, holding his weight on his arms, pushing Xiao Zhan’s legs impossibly further back. He was breathing heavily, and kissed the corners of Xiao Zhan’s eyes. Only then did Xiao Zhan realize that he was crying, tears streaming from his screwed-shut eyelids.

Yibo kissed the path of the tears down his face. “Zhanzhan,” he uttered, his voice sounding broken. “Zhanzhan I love you.”

“Bo-ge,” Xiao Zhan whispered. He let Yibo kiss his face, breathing deeper as his muscles finally, mercifully began to relax. The sharp pain began to dull, turning into a throb. He ached unbelievably.

He came to notice how FULL he felt. He felt like Yibo had pushed all the way up into his throat. Yibo was everywhere .

“Bo-ge,” he breathed. He looked up into Yibo’s eyes, and then deep down from inside his heart, a smile bloomed onto his face. “Does it feel good?”

Yibo caught his mouth in a fierce kiss. “So good, Zhanzhan, you feel so good.”

He kissed Xiao Zhan again and this time shoved his tongue in —

The feeling of Yibo pushing into him in multiple places at once made Xiao Zhan delirious, it was incredible, Yibo was claiming him everywhere —

“Mmmm, Bo-ge,” Xiao Zhan gasped into his mouth, “There’s so much — so much of you, I feel you, I feel you everywhere.”

Yibo growled, and grew so hard within Xiao Zhan that he throbbed again with pain for several moments, moaning at the aching surprise of it.

Yibo bucked into him, and his moan was cut off with a sharp cry. Everything inside of him was so sensitive , every micro-movement was overwhelming, aching, delicious.

“Sorry,” Yibo rushed, “sorry.”

Xiao Zhan realized Yibo hadn’t done it on purpose, and he laughed weakly, and then a second later hissed with the sharp consequences of his own movement.

“Zhanzhan,” Yibo was murmuring and kissing his face all over again. “Zhanzhan you’re so beautiful, so good, you’re doing so good.”

So good

A pitiful sound fell from Xiao Zhan’s lips.

“So good, Zhanzhan.” 

Xiao Zhan whimpered, suddenly aware of how low Yibo’s voice rumbled. 

“So good for me, Zhanzhan.”

Xiao Zhan did not understand the sounds coming out of his mouth. A full body shiver shook him around Yibo’s cock. They both groaned.

Yibo kissed him again, and very carefully and slowly, pulled out a few centimeters, and then pushed back in.

Xiao Zhan moaned lasciviously, it was so much, Yibo was so much . He squeezed around Yibo, the ache so deep it no longer mattered whether it was pain or desire. He just wanted to feel Yibo all the way to his toes.

Yibo groaned when Xiao Zhan squeezed. He pulled out and pushed in again, grunting as Xiao Zhan moaned with the slow, deep movement.

Yibo slowly pushed himself back up to kneeling upright.

Yibo pulled further out this time, the drag of his cock inside of Xiao Zhan spine-tingling, and then the head of his cock pressed against Xiao Zhan’s most sensitive spot.

Xiao Zhan let out a high, shivery cry.

Yibo grunted and paused, and then pushed a centimeter forward again, hitting the spot dead on.

“Ahhhhh!” Xiao Zhan cried out, his toes curling.

Yibo did it several more times, leaving Xiao Zhan senseless and gasping, his voice spinning higher and higher.

Then Yibo pushed all the way back in, expertly hitting the spot along the way, landing fully back inside Xiao Zhan with a thump, giving Xiao Zhan a punched out groan.

Yibo did it again, and again, making Xiao Zhan cry out as the forceful movements burst through him with brutal pleasure. Yibo fell into a steady rhythm of push and pull, unrelenting strokes that mercilessly rubbed Xiao Zhan’s spot both on the way in and out.

Xiao Zhan was melting around Yibo’s cock. Waves of desire radiated through him, the ache of the stretch so submerged by overwhelming pleasure that the pain was becoming a distant memory. He mindlessly squeezed around Yibo, wanting more.

Yibo groaned and sped up furiously, moving with ferocious force, landing into him hard . A long, continuous moan was rising from Xiao Zhan’s throat as Yibo began to pound into him. Xiao Zhan was jostled by the powerful thrusts, his muscles falling loose, falling apart, coming apart amongst the pounding waves.

Yibo grunted as he thrusted, and then he pulled all the way out of Xiao Zhan before slamming violently back into him.

Xiao Zhan let out a sharp cry at the sudden jab of pain before he was submerged in another powerful shove of pleasure.

Yibo did not let up, and did it again, hitting into Xiao Zhan even harder, letting out a sharp grunt of pleasure at Xiao Zhan’s cry. He continued, and Xiao Zhan’s body quickly and eagerly submitted to this new rhythm, his sounds becoming wanton cries, the moments of pain chased with thundering waves of wanting.

And then his rim didn’t hurt anymore either, releasing fully to accommodate Yibo, receiving everything he had to give, he was all the way open, he was made for this, he was made for Yibo to inhabit him, to claim him —

and the pleasure built and built, and began to pulse through him in towering waves of radiant desire, shuddering moans shaking from him as the waves crested and crashed ceaselessly, sweeping through every cell, every atom of him a singing ecstasy of desire — 

Yibo hammered into him, rubbing him so fast that he soared into the sky, kept afloat as his body spasmed on a bright, unending sea –

Suddenly a hot, sweaty hand seized his cock. 

“Ahhhh!!”

Yibo growled violently, and Yibo’s cock stuck furiously into him, and then something was shooting powerfully deep, deep inside, and there was an unbelievable pressure on his sensitive cock and he screamed and something inside of him cracked wide open, something thunderous and bright rushing out and seizing and filling and drowning him — all the world was pleasure — he no longer had a body, no longer breathed, he was only light, all light —

Gradually, Xiao Zhan began to float down. He drifted on the wind, until he noticed that he was trembling, and then he noticed that there was a hot presence heaving breath against his chest, and then he noticed that his back was wrapped by tight arms, and that he was being rocked, and that he was unbelievably full, and that he was drenched, and that a voice near him was calling softly, in a prayerful litany –

“Zhanzhan, Zhanzhan.”

“Ahhh,” he breathed, full of him, surrounded by him, taken to the very depths of his being by him.

His soul slowly, sweetly, began to gather again.

“Zhanzhan,” Yibo murmured, and began to pull out.

In a moment of sheer, desperate instinct, Xiao Zhan hooked his leg around Yibo’s back, holding him in place.

“Don’t go,” he moaned, filled with a nameless panic. “Don’t go.”

Yibo stayed inside him and hugged him so tight it was hard to breathe. “I’m not going,” he chanted. “I’m not going.”

“Don’t go, don’t go —“

Yibo hugged him tight and tight, and kissed him, and murmured, “I’m not going, I’m here, I’m not going.”

“Don’t go…”

Yibo murmured in his ear, squeezing him, holding him, and slowly Xiao Zhan relaxed again, soothed by the presence of Yibo’s body still inside him, soothed by his deep voice, his heat, his scent. 

Yibo had him, Yibo was here, he was okay….

He drifted…..

After a while, he noticed a dull pain. He was uncomfortable, aching.

“Hurts,” he murmured.

“Zhanzhan,” Yibo spoke right into his ear, and then Xiao Zhan realized there was still a person on him, and in him.

“Zhanzhan, I’m going to pull out.”

Xiao Zhan frowned. Then he felt a very strange sensation of something big and heavy tugging out of his body.

He gasped lightly, feeling suddenly empty. 

Yibo immediately hugged him back to him.

“I’m here,” Yibo repeated over and over, hugging him and rubbing his back. “I’m here, I’m here.”

Xiao Zhan realized he was crying, tears slipping silently from the corners of his eyes. 

Yibo was kissing him softly. “It’s okay, Zhanzhan. It’s okay.”

There was nothing left in Xiao Zhan to be embarrassed.

Yibo had already seen him without his skin.

They lay for a long while, Yibo holding him, comforting him.

A little while later, Xiao Zhan woke up to Yibo wrapping Xiao Zhan’s arms around his chest, as he squatted in front of him by the bed. Yibo carefully stood up, pulling Xiao Zhan off the bed, and carried Xiao Zhan the few steps into the bathroom.

He sat Xiao Zhan on the toilet and turned on the shower, then helped him stand up and step into it, following right behind.

Yibo guided Xiao Zhan to lean against him while he lathered and rinsed Xiao Zhan’s hair.

Then Yibo gently rubbed his body with a soapy cloth. Yibo reached down and very, very tenderly washed Xiao Zhan’s privates. Then he turned Xiao Zhan around to lean face first against the wall. Yibo knelt down and gently pressed Xiao Zhan’s cheeks apart. Xiao Zhan moaned when the soap hit his hole, it stung so, so bad.

“Sorry,” Yibo said. “Sorry — “ and he kept cleaning Xiao Zhan, as Xiao Zhan leaned his head against the shower wall and hissed through it.

Then it was over and Yibo was hugging Xiao Zhan to him, “It’s all done, you did so good Zhanzhan, you did so good.”

Xiao Zhan sighed into him, Yibo’s words echoing through him, Yibo said he was good. He wanted to be good.

Yibo helped him out of the shower and wrapped him in a fluffy towel, then hopped back in and cleaned himself off.

Yibo dried them both, and led Xiao Zhan back into the room. He quickly dressed Xiao Zhan and then himself, and sat Xiao Zhan in the chair, draping a blanket over him.

“I’ll be right back.”

Yibo left the room, and re-appeared a few minutes later with an armful of clean bedding. He stripped the bed and remade it.

Xiao Zhan sleepily admired Yibo’s efficiency. He absently wondered what kinds of housework Yibo was used to doing.

Then Yibo brought him into the bed, set an alarm, and wrapped Xiao Zhan into his arms.

“I love you,” Yibo whispered fervently.

“Love you, Bo-ge,” Xiao Zhan murmured, and fell fast asleep.