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Chapter Text

'These dumb-asses think they have the right to keep me from-'.

'I'm the dumb-ass' Bobby calls out suddenly, interrupting Buck's banter. He stops talking and snaps his head to Bobby in shock. Hurt immediately crashing into him, just like the waves on the pier. Athena silently moves her eyes between the two men. Not wanting to interrupt but also not wanting this to evolve into something both of them won't recover from. 

'Uh... what?' Buck asks, dumbfounded. He is confused. Bobby is supposed to be his friend, he's supposed to be on his side. What the hell happened to that?

'You're not ready. That's what I told them when they asked.' Bobby answered calmly. Already seeing the emotions swirling around his youngest firefighters face. 

Athena, sensing the tense mood, interrupted the two. 'Would anyone like some cornbread?' she asked. Trying to deviate from the subject to diffuse the tension a bit. 

Bobby accepts a piece, while Buck is still staring at him. 

'You're the reason they won't let me back?' he asks, hurt very much evident on his face.

'Medication is the reason' Bobby answers like that makes Buck feel any better. That not being the case at all, Buck looks away, confused, and hurt.

Athena interrupts them. 'Bobby is just worried about you, Buck, that's all' she says. 'We all are'.

Buck knew that, he really did. But finding out his captain, his  friend , kept him from doing what the loves most... it hurt.

'I thought you were on my side' Buck voiced his thoughts from earlier. 'I thought you were my friend'. His eyes started to water, but he couldn't let them fall. Not here, not anymore. 

'I am your friend' Bobby counters. 'I am also the captain of almost twenty other firefighters, whose lives and safety depend on decisions I make and I can't put them at risk. If you're not operating at 100 percent-'

'I am at 100 percent' Buck interrupts his banter, slamming his fist on the table. 'Maybe, even more, you know. I- I've never felt so good'. His voice getting softer towards the end. Like he was trying to convince himself of that as well. But he did, he never felt so good. He felt like he could get through almost anything now. he survived a bombing and a tsunami for god's sake. 

'Buck, I know that you went through a lot in that tsunami.' It was like Bobby read his thoughts. 'And maybe you can feel like you can survive anything-'.

'Anything?' Buck interrupts again. 'Like a knife in my back?'. Buck stands up, not being able to tolerate it anymore. He felt hurt, felt like he couldn't trust Bobby anymore. But worst of all, it felt like Bobby didn't trust him, which made his heartache even more. he was more than ready to go back to firefighting, back to his  family . But that was ripped from him, without even as much as a warning. He needed to leave, now. 

'Uhm... Athena, I just want to say thank you for inviting me. But I-, I gotta go.'

Both Athena and Bobby try to prevent him from leaving, but he just kept on walking. Maybe he should've stayed and listened to what Bobby had to say, but right now his emotions got the better of him and he needed to cool off somewhere else. Wherever that somewhere may be. 

Buck slammed the door behind him in anger. What the hell was wrong with Bobby? He was supposed to be his friend and now he did this. How was he supposed to have Eddie's back when he wasn't even able to return to his job?   

Deep down he knew that Bobby had a point. He was on blood thinners because of the embolism, which made doing this job more dangerous. If he got an injury, it could easily have disastrous consequences. But it still felt like a knife through his heart that he wouldn't be able to return to his family because of his captain. 

He needed to get away from here and fast. He didn't know where he would go but he still got into his car and drove away.

Before he knew it he turned onto a familiar street. He parked the car in front of Eddie's house but stayed seated in the front seat. Did Eddie know about this decision? If not, what would he say? Would he be angry at him for being such a wuss? 

He knew Eddie probably wouldn't feel anything of that sort towards Buck. But the child in him was still scared of disapproval. 

Buck checked what time it was. Eight-thirty, the clock screamed at him. Was it that late already? He felt like he left Athena and Bobby only minutes ago. But it has already been 90 minutes. 

He debated just going home and wallow in his own misery. But on the other hand, he didn't even want to be alone right now. He craved the comfort Eddie gave him sometimes, even if he didn't notice it. The soft shoulders bumps, knees touching or thighs pressing against each other after tough calls. Even Eddie calming him down after panic attacks. It made him feel loved and appreciated. 

So Buck got out of the car and was about to knock when he remembered Eddie gave him a key some time ago. Another one of those small things that made him feel like he belonged here, in this small family they formed with the three of them. Eddie, Chris and him. It was them against the world. 

He put the key in the lock and turned it. Even now arguing with himself if he should just bolt away. But he didn't. He fully turned the key and opened the door as softly as possible. The familiar smell and view of Eddie's house made everything crash into him at once and he let out a small sniffle. Tears finally running down his cheeks. He walked further into the house as quietly as possible because he wasn't sure if Chris was already in bed or not. 

When the living room finally came into view he saw Eddie's head sticking out above the armrest of the couch. Eddie turned his head towards him and he saw the slight scowl that was on his face immediately turn into concern. 

'Buck?'

Eddie was at home, lying on the couch with Christopher, just watching TV. Chris was lying on his chest, arms hanging loosely on Eddie sides, head turned so he could watch the television. Soft, warm breaths going across Eddie's chest. Although he really wasn't watching the TV, instead he got lost in his thoughts.

He looked down at the small mop of curls and smiled. His son, safe and sound in his arms. Thanks to Buck and that kind lady that took care of him after they got separated. 

Eddie knew Buck still felt guilty after losing him in the tsunami. No matter how many times he tried to tell him that it was a literal natural disaster that happened and he did everything he could, it just didn't get through to him. To Buck, the worst thing that could've happened, happened. 

He knew Buck was hiding how he really felt after everything that happened in the last few months. He knew Buck didn't want to feel like a burden to anyone else, so he would hide his emotions and feelings behind that big smile that always seemed to be plastered on his face. He always wore his heart on his sleeve which is one of the reasons that makes him an incredible firefighter. Buck was incredible at emphasizing with any victim on any call. But this also meant that he felt his emotions more than other people.

So when the bombing happened, it felt like the worst day of his life. Not being able to help his friend until the threat was under control. And even after Freddie was detained, they still needed to get the truck off Buck. The image of him lying there, screaming his lungs out because he was in so much pain, would be etched into his mind for a long time to come. Even after arriving to the hospital, there still was the question if he could keep his leg and return to firefighting after he was recovered. It pained him to see his friend lying so still on a hospital bed, while normally he always would be bubbling with his happy bubbly energy. Eddie sat with him until he needed to go home to get back to Christopher. 

Then the tsunami happened and it seemed like the world was out to get Buck. Eddie still felt guilty because he forced Buck out of bed that morning and that he wasn't there with him, maybe then nothing like that would've happened. But he wasn't the only one playing the guilt game, he knew Buck still felt immensely guilty for losing Christopher in the tsunami. Even though Eddie knew he did the best he could and nothing could change the fact that a literal natural disaster happened. But he couldn't get through to Buck that it wasn't his fault. He was eternally grateful that he got them both back after that fateful day. He felt his heart sink when he spotted Buck at the VA hospital, without Chris. While they were supposed to be at the movie theatre.

And then when he finally got through all of his re-certification exams, he suffered from multiple blood clots which caused a pulmonary embolism. Seeing him coughing up blood at his own 'welcome back' surprise party was incredibly scary. Since Bobby was the closest, he caught him and lowered him onto the ground. Chim and Hen were immediately in paramedic mode, doing what they do best. Buck was then once again loaded into an ambulance, and en-route to the hospital.

But he was still grateful that Buck was still here. After all of that he still got both of his boys with him. 

Movement brought him out of his train of thoughts. He once again looked down to the mop of curls on his chest. Chris was trying to lay more comfortably on his chest. Eddie noticed his breaths evening out a bit, which meant Christopher was very close to falling asleep. Which was absolutely adorable. After everything that happened, they deserved these domestic, calm nights. And Eddie was happy with that. 

So when he heard a key turn in the lock, he scowled for a second. Whoever decided to disturb this calm night, the first in a very long time, could expect a real talking to. 

What he didn't expect was a quiet sniffle coming from the doorway. Soft footsteps closing in on Eddie and Christopher.

Eddie turned his head and the scowl immediately changed to concern.

'Buck?'  

Chapter Text

'Buck?'  

Eddie was concerned for his friend. Just showing up out of the blue is not like Buck. He always called or send at least a text message. Did something happen?

Buck was standing in the doorway looking over at Eddie, who was still on the couch with Chris.

'Are you okay?' 

And that simple question seemed to break Buck. Soul-wrecking sobs tearing out of his body, sinking into the chair he was standing next to. His legs finally losing all the strength he had, he used most of it to even get to Eddie's in one piece. 

Eddie moved Chris off him, slightly cringing from the slight puddle of drool he left on his chest after finally drifting of to sleep a short while ago. He smiled softly at Chris despite that, stood up and moved the soft blanket from the armrest over the small body of his son. He would bring him to bed later, right now Buck was his first priority. 

He walked over to his friend, who still was sobbing in the table chair he sank into earlier, and got down onto his knees. He took Buck's head between his hand and wiped the tears away with his thumbs. 

'Buck, talk to me please. What happened?' 

'Bobby-, he-,' Buck tried in between sobs. Eddie immediately was concerned for his captain and friend. Did something happen to him? Or Athena? He thought they were just having a homemade dinner. 

Eddie frowned as his focus snapped back to his friend before him. 'Come on, breathe with me man' Eddie said, moving Buck's hand to his chest. 'You need to calm down. Four seconds in and four seconds out, you know the drill'. Buck slightly chuckled at that and rolled his eyes whilst trying to breathe with Eddie to calm himself down. Eddie smiled at him when after a few times, Buck seemed to calm down more and more.

When Buck finally calmed down enough to talk again, Eddie let Buck's hand go. He immediately wiped some of the tears away with the sleeves of his jacket. While Buck was pulling himself together Eddie turned his head to look at Christopher. Both to give his friend some privacy and to check on his son. He somehow managed to stay asleep through all of this, which Eddie was very grateful for. Worrying for one person is enough right now.

His attention turned back to Buck just to find that his friends' eyes were glued to his son's sleeping form as well. 

'Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have come here.' Buck started. Eddie and Chris seemed to just have a calm night with the two of them. And of course he came to ruin it, like he always did. 

'No, no, no, please don't say that Buck, you did the right thing coming here.' Eddie knew how worried his friend could get about inconveniencing other people. He put his hand on Buck's shoulder and said 'I'm very grateful that you did'. It felt good that Buck came to him after something bad happened and that he trusted Eddie enough to open up to him. 

'Never knew you cared Diaz' Buck chuckled. As always, he was hiding his anxiety under a blanket of humor. he just couldn't help it, it felt like some kind of security blanket to him. It felt easier to hide his feelings than to talk about them. Seeing Buck do this made Eddie wonder how many times he did this while at the station. Buck always seemed to be in a good mood, always laughing and making others laugh as well. So were there times when was in a bad mood and he just hid it?

'I do, Buckley' Eddie smiled and rolled his eyes, interrupting his own train of thoughts. 'Of course I do' he continued softly. Rubbing his thumb in comforting circles on Buck's shoulder. He never was good at this, never knowing the words to comfort another person. He didn't have Buck's special ability to emphasize with other people, he made it seem so easy. But he still tried his best, especially with someone this close to him. 

Buck chuckled at the use of his last name. Eddie never called him that, most of the time it was Buck and on some special occasions he called him Evan. He knew it was partly a joke but it was maybe also a way to get through to him more. Since it was odd for him to use the name Buckley. 

Eddie talking snapped him out of his thoughts. 'What happened Buck, I thought you had a dinner at Bobby and Athena's?' 

'I did' Buck said, pausing to take a deep breath before speaking again. His eyes downcast on the floor in front of him, it suddenly was very interesting to look at. 'We were just having a good time, talking, laughing and just enjoying each other's company. The subject changed to the higher ups who still refused to believe I was okay to come back to the station. When just, out of the blue, Bobby admitted he was the one who held me back. Held me back from the place where I belong, which is with you all. Going out on calls, saving people'. 

He heard Eddie take in a small, shaky breath. Buck's eyes moved up to meet his Eddie's, who was frowning at him. 

'What do you mean?' he asked. He knew were Bobby was coming from. Buck felt like a son to him so he just wanted him to be safe. But on the other hand, although he wasn't part of the 118 at the time, he heard Chim was back after a month after getting a rebar stuck in his head. Then he was stabbed and he was back just as quick. Why would he treat Buck so differently? He has a whole family to look out for his safety.

'Just like I said, he's holding me back from returning to the station. He admitted all of it, over a god damn dinner.' Buck felt pissed that he did it like this. At a dinner with Athena. Why didn't he just say it to him all the times they spoke privately with each other, either at the station or not. 'He let Chim back two times after major injuries and he taped over my fucking name while he insured me my place would still be there after I returned. Why would he treat me like that?'

'Okay...' Eddie started, hesitant of what he should say next. He really didn't have an answer for that. As a captain, he wasn't obligated to discuss everything with the rest of the team if it was about something other than call-related stuff. He agreed with Buck about that, it was weird. Bobby should've definitely approached this another way, not just to blurt it out over dinner. And he should've done this privately, with just Buck and him. It was a stupid move of their captain for sure. He let Chimney back very fast two times after life changing injuries and then to keep Buck away like this. It felt weird. 

'He made me feel kind of excluded after I found out he taped over my name. And now I don't know what to do. It hurts.' Buck nearly whispered, eyes glistening in the kitchen light. If Eddie wasn't listening as intensely as he was, he would've missed it. Eddie bent down again and sat on his knees in front of Buck. He reached one hand out to make Buck look at him. He knew Bobby did it because he cares, even though the way he did it was incredibly stupid. Buck was a insecure person and doing stuff like this only made it worse. Bobby went behind his back and lied to him and that hurt, a lot.

'Listen to me Buck' Buck sniffed a bit and nodded, eyes still a bit watery. 'Even though the way he did it was incredibly stupid, I absolutely agree with you on that, he did it because he cares about you. We all do and we just want you to be safe. We need you to be safe. What would Chris do without his favorite Buckley, huh?' Eddie smiled at him. He knew using his son was a low blow, but at least it would make Buck listen. He knew Buck would do anything for Christopher.

Buck's eyes were getting more watery, tears nearly streaming down his face again and he nodded. 'Athena said the same thing you know, before I walked out'. He knew it was true, deep down. But it wasn't really showing, not with the way they were treating him. 

Eddie nodded. 'It's true though. We are the family you chose Buck and we will always be there for you, no matter what'.

'I know, I know. It just isn't really showing right now. They're keeping me back from doing what I do best, which is having your back and saving people.' Buck said while anger started bubbling up.

Buck sprung out the chair, startling Eddie in the process. 'I can't do this' he hissed out. 'It feels like Bobby isn't trusting me enough'. Eddie shushed him since Chris was still lying on the couch. 

'I still have that card that lawyer gave me' Buck said. 

'What lawyer?' Eddie asked, frowning in confusion. 

'Chase Mackey or something. Remember that mandatory fire drill?' 

'Ah, yes' he finally remembered. He recalled that man giving the other man a card while he was getting loaded in the ambulance. 'The ambulance chaser.' 

Buck looked at him with a mix and frustration and confusion. 'What the hell do you mean?' 

'Those people are only in it for the money Buck' Eddie said calmly, not wanting to agitate his friend any further. 'They don't care about their clients, they only want the money and the clout. Please think about this before you make a decision.' 

'Bobby has no right keeping me from coming back to the station' Buck seethed. 

'I know he doesn't. No-one does.' Eddie said. 'But that doesn't mean he didn't have a good meaning behind the dumb approach.' Buck seemed to calm down a bit, knowing Eddie was mostly on his side.

'Well?' Buck asked.

'What?'

'Tell me why I shouldn't call that lawyer. Give me one good reason.'

Eddie's eyes shot up into his hairline. He didn't expect this to happen. But he was ready to give Buck all the reasons he needed to do this the right way, without any consequences.

'You could die.'

This time, it were Buck's eyebrows that shot up into his hairline. He certainly didn't expect that reason. 'What do you mean?' he asked Eddie.

'You're on blood thinners remember? Do you know what could happen if you got injured right now?' Eddie said. 'You could bleed out or even suffer an hemorrhagic stroke'. 

Buck hummed at that, looking at the ground before him. He didn't really want to look at Eddie right now. He knew he should take it easy until he got of the blood thinners. He didn't want nor need to have a second trial of an embolism. 

'It would break Bobby, hell, it would break everyone if we lost you. Whether it would be on the job or not. You need to understand that you matter to us Buck, you really do. To Maddie, Bobby, Athena, Hen, Karen, Chim and the kids. To me and Chris.' 

At that last sentence Buck's eyes shot up and met Eddie's gaze. To see if he could find any doubt, lies or hesitation in there. But he found nothing else than determination, love and understanding.

'What are you thinking Buck?' Eddie asked.

'I just wanted to get back to you and to the rest of the 118. The job is the only thing I have.' Buck breathed out.

'You really think that?' Eddie asked, frowning in confusion. 

'It is. You have Chris, Chim has Maddie, Hen has Karen and Denny and Bobby has Athena, May and Harry. Who do I have? I go back to an empty apartment shift after shift, while you all go back to your families.' 

Eddie closed the distance between them again. Putting one hand on Buck's shoulder and the other on the side of his face. 'You do have a family Buck. We're right here, me and Chris. Why do you think we always invite you over to hang out of our off-days, because we hate you?'

Buck let out something that sounded somewhere in between a sob and a laugh and he rolled his eyes. 

'We don't hate you, Buck. We love you, very much. It us against the world isn't it? It has been that way ever since you got over that stupid hateful mood when I just joined the 118.' Eddie chuckled while Buck smiled slightly. He squeezed Buck's shoulder in comfort and felt him lean into the touch a bit.

'Sometimes I just feel lonely.' Buck let out very softly. 

Eddie frowned in shock. He thought he did a very good job at showing Buck he was, in fact, very welcome in the Diaz family. Well, apparently not. He was determined to change that in the future, to show Buck they cared about him whenever they could. 

'You do have us Buck. Please know that. We care about you and your health. Which is exactly the reason why Bobby couldn't let you back just yet.' Eddie said softly. 'Chris and I want to continue the tradition with a Buck who is safe and healthy thank you very much'. He vaguely pointed to Chris on the couch and then to himself. 'We love you Buck'. 

'Thank you.' Buck said. 'It just felt like a betrayal to me that Bobby, of all people, was the one preventing me from coming back. It felt like a stab in the back.'

'Normal people don't say thank you when people tell them they love them.' Eddie chuckled. 

Buck stuck out his tongue but smiled nonetheless. 'I love you two too'. 

'However, I do agree that Bobby should've talked to you beforehand and not just dropped that bomb like that. He could've definitely taken a better approach to this.'

Buck nodded and sighed. It was the hurt that he felt that made him lash out at Bobby earlier at dinner. It just felt so incredibly sudden. 'I need to talk to him soon.'

Eddie hummed. 'You could, but don't do it when you're still feeling like this. It could make you say things you regret saying later.'

'I know. I won't right now.' Buck said and Eddie smiled.

'I'm really proud of you, you know' Eddie said after a small moment of silence. Buck looked at him in confusion, silently asking him why. 

'I'm proud that you came to me and talked about this. It must've not been very easy.' 

Buck kind of teared up while he said 'You don't know how much that means to me.'

Eddie smiled at him. Closing the distance between them and pulled him into a hug, rubbing Buck's back in comfort while Buck leaned into the touch a bit. 

'Thank you' Buck whispered.

They were still in the kitchen while a small whisper scared them out of their thoughts.

'Bucky?' came from the couch. 'What are you doing here?'

'Hey, superman' Buck stood up and walked over to Chris. He took him in his arms and put his nose in the small mop of curls. Breathing in the calming scent of the Diaz' shampoo. 'I was feeling a little bit sad buddy, and your dad helped me feel better' he looked over Chris' head at Eddie and smiled. Eddie smiled right back at him, while leaning against the wall with crossed arms.

'Did he give you a hug?' Chris innocently asked. 'They always make me feel better.' he said while leaning against Buck's chest.

Buck chuckled. 'He did'. 

'And are you feeling any better?' 

'I do, buddy, thank you.' Buck answered while he felt Chris' arms closing around him in a hug as well and he smiled. He really felt like he belonged somewhere now. 

'Do you want to put him to bed?' Eddie asked. Buck smiled and nodded. He put his arms more securely around Chris and stood up, Chris sleepily protesting. He didn't want to leave Buck's comforting chest just yet. 

'You need to go to sleep buddy, it's late' Buck whispered. He looked at the time and it was already 9.30. Way later than Chris normally went to bed. He walked the stairs to Chris' room and gently laid him down onto the bed. Pulling the covers over his little body. Chris smiled sleepily up at him which suddenly turned into a frown. Which made Buck a bit worried.

'Are you going to leave Bucky?' 

And to say Buck was shocked was an understatement. 'No, bud. What makes you say that?' he asked. Chris yawned, but still answered. 

'Mommy got sad and she left. I don't want you to leave Buck'. 

'I won't buddy, I promise' Buck answered and pressed a kiss down onto his curls. 'I love you buddy'.

'I love you too' Chris whispered. After a few more minutes Chris drifted off to sleep. 

'Told you' came from the doorway. Buck's head snapped to the door and looked at Eddie. Who was smiling softly at the two of them. 'Jesus Christ Eddie, can you like, not scare me next time?' Buck moved one of his hands to his heart, mocking Eddie. He stuck out his tongue to him and Eddie laughed. 

'Sometimes I wonder just how old you are' Eddie said, laughing. 

'Ouch...' Buck responded, hand back over his heart. He dissolved into laughter a second later.

'Come on, let's go get a beer' Eddie said. 

They walked downstairs into the living room again. Eddie walking to the fridge to get the beers while Buck moved the blanket Chris was laying under a few moments ago. Buck sat down as Eddie sat down next to him, thighs touching. 

After a few moments of silence Eddie spoke up. 'Are you still going to call the lawyer?' he asked. 

'No' Buck answered. 'You gave me a lot of reasons why I shouldn't and I got two of them right here'. They both smiled at that. 'I still want to talk to Bobby though.'

Eddie hummed and nodded. 'I know I said this already, but I'm really glad you came here. Thank you for trusting me enough to talk to me'. 

Buck smiled and bumped his shoulder against Eddie's. 

'Thank you for listening.'

Chapter Text

Buck woke up with a start. For a moment not realizing where he was. He looked around and recognized it was not his own room, but Eddie's. What the hell? 

He turned around and there he was. The man himself, lying on his back with his eyes clothed. His breathing still seemed deep enough so he probably still was very much asleep. Buck laid down on his back, drifting away in his thoughts. 

Why was he asleep in Eddie's bed? Did Eddie mind? What happened yesterday? So many questions and zero answers. He contemplated waking Eddie up for a second. But he looked so peaceful he didn't want to disturb him. 

After a moment of silence, life made the choice for him though. Eddie started waking up. It looked quite adorable really. First, a small frown appeared on his face, then he slowly opened his eyes and looked around. Finally, his eyes landed on Buck and he smiled. 'Good morning'. 

'Good morning to you too' Buck smiled right back at him. 'But why am I in your bed?' 

Eddie rolled his eyes and chuckled. 'Well, you were exhausted yesterday after everything that happened. I wasn't about to leave you alone with your thoughts. And besides, you pretty much passed out after we put Chris to bed.' 

'Oh.' Buck looked away in contemplation. 'But you could've just let me sleep on the couch though.' he said while looking back at Eddie.

'And have your 6 foot 2 ass whining about a sore back the next morning, god no.' Eddie said. 

Buck answered with a pillow to his face. 

'Ouch.' 

Buck chuckled at Eddie's antics and flopped back down onto his back. He noticed Eddie pulling the pillow off his face and laying it down next to him.

After a moment of silence, Buck whispered a small thank you. So small Eddie nearly missed it. 

'No problem Buck, I mean it. I'm glad you came to me.' 

Buck smiled softly in response. It felt nice having someone there for him, no matter what. Maybe he wasn't as alone as he thought. 

They both laid on the bed in a moment of silence. Both kind of lost in their thoughts. Eddie broke the silence first. 'What are you thinking about?' he asked. 

It was met with one more moment of silence though. Eventually, Buck answered. 'I want to talk to Bobby' he said. 

'I know you do. But you don't have to today if you're not ready for it though.' 

Buck hummed in response. 'I know, but I want to get this behind us as fast as possible.' 

Eddie nodded. 'Do you want me there with you?' 

Buck looked at Eddie and smiled. 'As much as I would want that, I know I need to do it alone.'

Eddie smiled as well. 

'I'll be waiting for you at home then.'

And that came out so easily.  Home.  It felt so nice though. Buck finally felt he belonged somewhere. He felt good when he was with Eddie and Chris, it felt like home. More than it did at his own apartment.  

'Okay, that would be nice.' he answered. Eddie smiled at him softly, one which was normally only reserved for Chris. It felt nice that it was aimed at him for once. 'Thanks again.'

'Anytime Buck.' 

Buck was nervous, more than he felt in a long time. He was sitting in his car in the driveway of Athena's house. He knew it was Bobby's day off, so he would be home for sure. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel trying to calm his nerves. After a while, he finally gathered enough courage and got out of the car.

The walk to the door seemed way longer than normal, probably thanks to the nerves. He still felt shaky while reaching for the doorbell, but he pressed it anyway. He needed to do this, preferably today thank you very much. He took a step back and waited, putting his hands in his pockets to stop the shaking.

The door swung open and there he was, Bobby himself. Looking as shocked and nervous as Buck felt. 

'Buck-' Bobby started. 

'No, can we please do this inside.' 

Bobby nodded and moved away for him to go inside. 

Buck looked around, yesterday's dinner coming back to him with a bang. A feeling of hurt settled in his chest again. He moved to the couch and he sat down slowly. Taking his hands out his pockets he started fidgeting with his fingers. Gaze focusing on the table in front of him.

He felt Bobby sit down next to him. Far enough to give him the space he needed, but also close enough to give him comfort. He heard Bobby sigh as he started talking.

'Buck, I'm sorry.' he said. 

He felt Bobby's gaze on him while he sighed as well. 'It hurt, Bobby' he said. 

'I know' Bobby answered softly. 

'Then why?' Buck's gaze snapped to Bobby. 'Why were you holding me back from coming back to you? Coming back to my family? Of all people, I never expected you to be the one holding me back' he probably spat that out harder than he should've but right now he didn't care. He was angry and he had every right to be. 

Bobby seemed to shrink into himself. He knew what he did was bad, but he still felt like he did the right thing. 

'I needed you safe Buck' he said. 

Buck seemed shocked at that. 'What do you mean? I felt good, better than I did before. But still, I couldn't return, because of you.' he said. Not as angry as the moment before, but still so very hurt. 

'I know you did. But you were, are, on blood thinners. You survived a bombing, your leg was crushed. You needed to heal up first. And at your welcome back party, you collapsed on this very porch. You can't expect me to feel nothing about that.' Bobby answered. 'When you first collapsed, I thought you were dying Buck. You were choking on your own blood. Luckily you were surrounded by medical professionals, but mainly Chim, Hen, and Eddie.' he chuckled at his weak attempt of a joke.

'I panicked, I didn't know what to do at first.' Bobby confessed and he looked down at his hands. His eyes looked suspiciously watery. 'I don't know what I would've done if we lost you that night.' he continued incredibly softly. It felt like he was talking more to himself than to Buck. 

Buck though, looked at Bobby with his mouth agape. He didn't expect this. He knew Bobby cared, but he never knew to which extent. His eyes were just as watery as Bobby's.

'And then that tsunami happened. We all thought you were safe together with Christopher. After a whole day of tagging bodies and helping injured people, we ended up at the VA hospital. And there you were, covered in scratches, bruises, and blood.' Bobby continued, not noticing Buck's expression. 'You looked like you were ready to collapse. Your leg wasn't even healed completely yet. And yet you survived a goddamn tsunami after everything else that happened.'

Bobby closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He slowly turned his head to look at Buck, hoping he could see the sincere emotions on his face. 

'I watched you go through so much, I couldn't bring myself to do it again. We nearly lost you, three times, in only a couple of months. We can't lose you, Buck. I don't know what we would do if that happened. I wanted you safe.' 

Buck took in a shaky, watery breath. 'Then why would you tape over my name?' he asked. 

'I wanted to make Bosko feel at home.' 

'Everyone keeps telling me that. But don't you understand it made me feel like I was already replaced? Even though you kept assuring me I could come back. She was only with us temporarily, temps normally get spare lockers. But you taped over my name.' Buck said, he felt anger bubbling up again. Even after Bobby's emotional confession. 

Bobby nodded. 'I'm sorry I made you feel that way. That was never my intention.'

'But you still did it anyway.' Buck said. 

'I know, and it was a very stupid thing. I should've approached that differently.'

Buck nodded at that. He certainly agreed with that. 'Why didn't you just talk to me about this? Instead of doing all of this behind my back.' 

Bobby didn't have an answer to that. The higher-ups kept bothering him about Buck, so it was kind of a forced decision. And after taking everything into account that Buck went through, he took the decision so Buck could have more time to heal up. He never expected it to bite him in the ass like this. 

'They kept asking me about you, and I wanted to give you more time to heal up. So I took the decision of not letting you back, without knowing it would break your trust in me. It was dumb and I definitely should've talked to you about this.'

Buck scoffed at that. 'Yeah, you should've.' 

'I'm sorry, Buck. I wanted you safe but in the process, I hurt you myself.' Bobby said, looking Buck in the eyes. Hoping he could see he really meant it. 

'I hope you can forgive me and you won't hate me.'

'I will.' Buck said sincerely. 'But please don't do it again. 

'I won't. I promise.' Bobby answered.  

Buck stood up to draw Bobby into a hug. 'It hurt, so I was angry. But I could never hate you.'

Tears sprung to the eyes of both men. And they both relished in the hug a bit longer. Both drawing comfort from each other. 

'I'm so sorry, Buck.' 

'Thank you, Bobby.' 

They broke apart a moment later. 

'Do you want anything to drink?' Bobby asked Buck. 

'No, thanks. I need to get home anyway' he answered. And damn didn't that feel good, calling Eddie's  home . 

'I'll see you at work soon, okay son?' Bobby said. That made Buck smile. 'I'll keep you up-to-date.' Bobby continued. 

'Alright, pops' Buck said. Both smiling at the use of nicknames. 'Bye Bobby.'

'Bye Buck.'

'So, how'd it go? Eddie asked as soon as Buck set foot in the house. 

'Geez, give a man a moment to take of his jacket will you?' Buck said as he rolled his eyes. 

Eddie was standing in the kitchen, beer in his hand. One on the counter waiting for Buck. Christopher was watching some kind of movie in the living room. Too engrossed in the story to even notice Buck's arrival. 

'It went well.' Buck said. Leaving out the details. He knew Eddie would respect his privacy and wouldn't pry any further. He walked over to Eddie while he handed Buck his beer.

Eddie smiled. 'That's good.' he said. 'Do you know when you're returning to work?' 

'Not yet. But Bobby said he'll keep me up to date about it.'

Eddie nodded. 'I can't wait to have you watching my back again. The station feels empty without you.' 

Buck smiled at that. 'Awh, does poor mister Diaz miss me?' 

And if that didn't earn Buck a punch to the shoulders, he didn't know what would. 'You're an asshole.' Eddie said, smiling anyway. 'It is dull without you though, for real. I know anyone at the station would agree with me on this.' 

Buck's heart swelled a bit at Eddie's declaration. 'I can't wait to come back either. I hope it's sooner rather than later.'

Eddie hummed in response. Sipping his beer. Buck doing the same next to him. They were both eyeing Chris in the living room and as if the kid felt the eyes boring into him, he turned his head to look at them. Chris' eyes widened as they landed on Buck.

'Bucky' he nearly screamed. Buck chuckled as he walked over to Christopher. Eddie following closely behind. 

'Hey superman' he said while engulfing Chris in a big hug. Chris returned the hug just as fiercely. Burying his face in Buck's big chest. 

After a while, they both let go. 'What are we watching?' Buck asked, looking down at Chris. 

'Moana' Chris answered with enthusiasm. 

'It's his new favorite' Eddie's voice suddenly came from next to him. Buck looked at Eddie and he was watching the two with a fond smile. 

'Aha.' 

'Have you watched it Bucky?' Chris asked. 

'Not yet buddy.' he answered. 

'Well, stay and watch it with us.' Chris said definitively, although still looking at his dad for approval. 

Eddie chuckled at that. 'If Buck wants that, that's okay with me.'

'Nothing better than spending time with my two favorite boys' Buck said, settling into the couch. Christopher immediately snuggled into his side. Buck's heart swelled again at that. Eddie settled into the couch next to Buck as well. 

There's really nothing better than spending time at the Diaz home.