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Loki was getting twitchy.
Not that the Valkyrie hadn’t been anticipating the development. For as smooth and carefully composed Loki had been on Sakaar, even he had shown signs of cracking within the first few weeks.
Those obvious enough for her to pick up on during their few passing interactions, at that.
He had been clever, starting out. Quietly charming and level-headed, even as the Grandmaster had leered and poured him copious amounts of alcohol and other various….supplements.
Not that she’d ever seen Loki with anything more than a dainty cocktail in hand, granted.
Therefore, it had come as a little bit of a surprise when, a week and a half after the prince had landed, quite literally, outside the Grandmaster’s Grand Hall on Sakaar, he was showing the first signs of discomfort.
It had started as the little things, hardly noticeable to anyone who wasn’t familiar with the Grandmaster’s “favorites” coming and going with as much frequency as they did.
No, she reasoned, there were, more likely than not, very few who would have noticed the quiet discomfort beginning to weave its way into Loki’s posture and behind his carefully calculating gaze (no matter how many drinks were in him, she had noticed almost immediately, his eyes were never any less shrewd and calculating).
Initially, he had only seemed tense and a little wired, the whites of his eyes a bit larger as he had skirted at the edge of the great hall, a barely touched drink in one hand and his shoulders hunched nearly to his ears.
He had made a show of participating, of course. Had laughed and flirted and partied with nearly flawless enthusiasm.
It was only the tension, and the way his hands had begun to twitch and fidget at his sides, periodically, that had told Val that anything at all had changed.
The Grandmaster, too, had begun to sense that something was off.
Because of course he had.
Luckily for Loki, not a day later the “Lord of Thunder” had dropped in (also quite literally), and the attention had, for the most part, been taken off of the younger Odinson, for the time being.
And, of course, the following days had been nothing short of an absolute shitshow.
It was only later, after the mess of a fight on the Rainbow Bridge, that Loki’s words had come back to the Valkyrie with startling clarity.
“I’ve run out of favor with the Grandmaster.” he’d said, and Val had to admit that she had been impressed.
Not many could have read Gast that easily, and certainly no one who had lived to tell the tale as Loki had.
(Not, she’d admit, that Loki was ever particularly willing to “tell any tales” concerning his time on Sakaar, to any inquiring parties).
And, in the subsequent whirlwind of activity and battles and grand exoduses off of exploding planets, Val had nearly forgotten about Loki’s growing discomfort on Sakaar.
Would have, had the behavior not started to crop up again about a month into their voyage on the Statesman.
In all honesty, when she had started to note the way the tension had begun to creep back into Loki’s shoulders, the longer they trip dragged on, or the way he would startle if someone got too close too quickly, the Valkyrie was a little surprised that it hadn’t happened a lot sooner.
Or, at the very least, surprised that she hadn’t seen the Precursing Warning Signs that had led up to the Current Warning Signs for what they were.
Regardless, Val determined that the only thing left for her to do now was watch and observe.
(And wait for the inevitable, impending storm. Her mind reminded her, morosely as it was).
True to predictable form, Loki had become increasingly edgy over the past week, making it near impossible to deny that a breaking point was on its way, at all.
As much as Val would have liked to.
What had started out as twitches and slight, barely there flinches had quickly grown into outward bristling and, on one memorable occasion, Loki baring his teeth when Bruce had offered a counterpoint to his statement during a council meeting.
Thor had noticed, of course, and had promptly told Loki off, as soon as most of the council had left, leaving Loki to snarl again before tromping off in a huff; no doubt to escape somewhere to lick his wounds in private.
Either way, Bruce hadn’t so much as looked at Loki since the incident, and that had been nearly a week before.
Now, the Valkyrie sat at the corner of the dining hall, one elbow on her knee and her opposite hand holding a flask just before her mouth -- close enough to smell, not quite enough to drink.
She had been attempting (key word: attempting) to limit herself, recently. Not because of any grand gesture or sudden sense of duty, but simply because the booze rations on the ship would probably only last them until their next stop if she started taking it a bit easier.
(If until then).
That, and she had become increasingly curious about what the younger Odinson was going to do next, given his increasingly open hostility toward all those who so much as glanced at him, over the past week.
It was restlessness, pure and simple. The Valkyrie had seen it a thousand times before.
And yet…
And yet, she remained curious.
Almost as if on cue, Loki strode into the dining hall, then, his shoulders held stiff and his chin jut out as if daring anyone to approach.
Only a fool would have taken the gamble, though Val could not stop herself from leaning forward to get a better view at the approach even if she had tried.
Loki’s face was set into a scowl, his chest heaving and, as he got closer to the end of the hall, the Valkyrie could just make out the faint flush on his face.
As well as the way both his hands were tensed into tight fists at his sides.
Unlike most of the others in the hall, he carried no tray or platter of rations. This, and the fact that he was wearing his armor, rather than the casual tunic and leathers he’d taken to, over the past couple of weeks, told her all that she needed to know.
Loki, whether he wanted to acknowledge it or not, was actively seeking out a fight.
Whether it was to be with Thor, Bruce, herself, or a random, poor and unsuspecting citizen…
Well, that remained to be seen, and Val intended to do just that.
As it turned out, she didn’t have to wait much longer.
Almost as soon as Loki was within twenty feet of where the Valkyrie was still sat, a civilian stood from his perch at the table, a smile on his face as he conversed with what was no doubt his wife and children who sat still crowded around the small table, and turned--
Only to run practically face first into where Loki was approaching, neither of them having even perceived each other’s presence before colliding.
There was a beat of silence, before Loki’s face flushed further, a dangerous glint behind his eyes as his hand twitched visibly.
And, to her surprise, the Valkyrie recognized the gesture--recognized that, were it anyone else, it would have been a hand inching toward a weapon at their belt.
For Loki, however, it was more of a prodding at the air, and Val watched as his palmed turned slowly upward, fingers already curling up in anticipation of a dagger falling into his hold--
Before she could do much more than stand swiftly, someone else was rushing in from the sidelines, and the Valkyrie had only a moment to register Loki’s immediately furious expression, before Thor’s large hands were surging forward to grip at his brother’s elbows.
“What are you doing?” she saw, more than heard Thor grit out, his hands not loosening on Loki’s shoulders even as the prince began to struggle weakly against the hold.
His eyes blazing, Loki muttered an unintelligible answer, though he relaxed minutely a moment later, his chest still heaving with the force of his breaths and his gaze pointedly averted.
Thor, however, did not release his hold (smart, the Valkyrie thought distantly) for another long moment, and instead leaned in further to study Loki’s now almost entirely downturned face closely past the curtain of his dark hair between them.
“Are you alright?” The words were too quiet to hear, now, though the Valkyrie could have easily guessed what they were even if she hadn’t been able to read Thor’s lips.
Loki, however, simply glowered, his face darkening slightly as Thor shook him gently.
For a moment, the Valkyrie was convinced that he was going to lash out; whether at Thor or the family who had recently vacated the table and were beginning to scurry out of the hall, she wasn’t sure.
Instead, Loki deflated further, and offered a meek nod.
It came as something of a surprise, right up until Thor released his hold on Loki’s elbows, seemingly satisfied (if not a little pleased), and Loki shot him a small sneer before disappearing in a glimmer of green light.
Val nearly burst out laughing at the sight, because of course. Of course Loki would have been the kind of sorcerer (or mage, or wizard, or whatever) who used magic to slip out of conversations he didn’t want to have.
And she would have, were it not for the crestfallen expression that overtook Thor’s face, the second Loki disappeared.
Almost as if he’d been expecting it.
Damn, the Valkyrie thought, and took another long swig from her flask, if for nothing than to make up for those she’d missed while watching the truly over-dramatic display.
This was going to be more complicated than she’d initially anticipated.
Not that she planned on getting involved, she reminded herself firmly, and took another sip from the flask to seal the deal.
Definitely not.
---
As it turned out, Val hardly had to wait a week before her previous declaration was proved horribly, ridiculously wrong.
And, unsurprisingly, she hardly had to wait a week before Loki’s irritation and increasing restlessness reached a boiling point.
Unfortunately for her, the two events just happened to occur simultaneously.
She hadn’t intended it, really. In fact, the Valkyrie had been making a point of going out of her way to avoid the chambers she shared with the Royals and Bruce, if at all possible, beyond crawling back in to pass out for a couple of hours at the end of the day, and only after she’d ensured that everyone had fallen asleep.
Therefore, it was only as she was striding back into the room in the middle of the afternoon, hoping to catch a quick nap before anyone noticed her missing, that Val found herself face to face with Loki for the first time since the “almost stabbing” incident, three days prior.
“Lackey.” she greeted, for lack of anything better to say, and crossed her arms casually in an attempt to avoid tensing automatically, as if in preparation for a fight.
Though Loki had been, more or less, completely docile and almost friendly toward her, since their voyage had begun, Val had not forgotten their first one-on-one interaction, and did not plan to.
Loki, it seemed, had not expected the sudden invasion of his privacy any more than she, and Val almost huffed a laugh at the thought.
Clearly they were both in need of some quiet time.
Rather than react outright, however, Loki’s features smoothed into a mask of cool indifference, and he offered her a small and shallow nod, before turning to continue gathering up an armful of items from the desk behind him.
“142.” he greeted, a little dully. “I’m terribly sorry to be in your way.”
It was only then that Val noticed the tension practically rippling through his shoulders, and the way his hands fairly shook around the items precariously balanced within his hold.
“‘S’fine.” she dismissed with a quick shake of her head. “Do--”
“I’d best be going.” Loki interrupted, and squared his shoulders before making to skirt around Val with a cool glare shot in her direction.
Val would have let him go, she considered. Would have potentially made a mental note of the behavior and, if she thought it still pertinent when she awoke from her nap, would have tipped Thor off about it.
Instead, as it turned out, none of this ended up happening.
For, when Loki was nearly to the door, he fumbled.
It was a rare enough sight in itself, so much so that the Valkyrie felt her eyes widen as she turned to watch as Loki faltered, once--
Before the large, glass bottle that had been cradled in the crook of his elbow tumbled out of his grip, and the both of them watched, mouths gaping, as it fell, before it hit the floor below and shattered spectacularly.
Immediately, the contents of the previously full bottle flooded the floor, soaking the bottom of Loki’s boots as he remained motionless, eyes trained on the mess as if distantly fascinated by it, and Val had just enough presence of mind to recognize the liquid as water before a sharp, shallow inhale interrupted her thought process.
Before she could stop the motion, Val’s gaze snapped back up to Loki’s face.
Loki’s face, which had drained of almost all its color, his eyes still wide as they tracked the movement of the water spreading slowly across the floor as if it were a snake poised to strike at his ankles.
He blinked blearily, and, when he wavered slightly in place, Val decided that it was probably time to step in.
“Lackey,” she muttered, and took a tentative step closer, one hand already outstretched in what she hoped was a semi-calming gesture.
Loki, as it were, did ot seem to hear her at all.
And, to her horror, his breaths began to speed up into short, shallow wheezes, his eyes going wider still as his chest began to heave visibly.
“Highness!” the Valkyrie called again, her tone a little sharper than she had originally intended.
Which, of course, turned out to be the wrong thing to do, entirely.
Almost as soon as the cry had left her mouth, Loki flinched as if struck, and all the color that remained in his face quickly drained as he turned to face where Val was still stood, her arm uselessly outstretched, with a somewhat manic expression.
“Wha--” Loki swallowed, his throat working visibly, and raised one arm in a tight movement to shield his face as he took another skittering step backward. “What--”
Whatever else he had meant to say was drowned out by another, strangled inhale. And, before Val could so much as blink in response, Loki released something like a gagging sound, and fell back to collapse against the far wall.
“N-no.” he whispered, his breaths leaving him in low, shallow whistles, now, as one hand rose up to claw at the collar of his tunic as if it were constricting him. “Please--”
Val watched, and felt her heart sinking as Loki’s gaze began to skitter frantically around the room, almost as if not quite taking in his surroundings.
It was then that the reality of the situation hit her all at once, though she desperately wished that it had not.
She had, however, seen too many scenes similar to the one that she was witnessing now, to allow herself to willfully believe otherwise.
It was with this thought firmly in mind, therefore, that the Valkyrie felt herself sink slowly to a crouch, one arm still outstretched as she watched Loki shy back against the far wall like an animal caught in a snare.
“Hey,” she began, ignoring the water soaking into the fabric at her knees and fighting to keep her tone much lower than it had been, even a moment before. “Lackey--”
“Stop.” Loki interrupted her with a fierce whisper, his shoulders hunching upward as he brought both his trembling hands up to cradle them against his chest in a protective gesture. “Get--Stay away.”
“Alright.” the Valkyrie agreed, and raised both her hands in a placating gesture. “I’m away. You can relax.”
“I--I--” Loki shook his head uncomprehendingly, and began to scratch at the palm of his left hand with the thumbnail of his right.
And, his movements jerky and uncoordinated as they were, he still managed to scrape a few deep welts into the palm before Val could stop him.
“Hey!” she cried again, watching in horror as blood began to seep up from the wounds, and only realized that the call had been too harsh when Loki flinched again.
“Hey,” she repeated, quieter now, and allowed herself to edge slightly closer when Loki only blinked blearily at her in response, his chest still rising and falling a little too quickly for comfort.
“Lackey,” she began, and screwed her face up into a grimace before attempting again, “Loki. Highness--”
“Enough.” Loki hissed, his lip curling into a sneer, and pressed back impossibly further even as Val slowed her movements. “Stop. Stop!”
“Okay!” Val kept both her hands raised at eye level, now, and fought not to startle back as Loki’s tone continued to rise in pitch. “I’m stopping.”
“Stop.” Loki repeated, as if entirely unhearing, and curled forward to rest his head in his hands as he continued to suck in sharp and desperate breaths. “Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop--”
His hands tightened in his hair then, the knuckles on each going pale with the force of it, and he tensed briefly before giving one, sharp tug.
“Loki!” Val snapped, and willed herself not to tense in preparation for a fight even as Loki’s gaze flew to hers at the cry.
“You need to breathe.” she continued, when Loki only continued to eye her warily. “Can you do that?”
“I--” Loki’s gaze skittered away, and he made something like another gagging sound as he curled further into himself. “I--I can’t--”
“You can.” Val insisted, firmly enough that it seemed to catch Loki’s attention.
Deciding to take her chances, then, she scooted forward to cross the last few feet between them, until they were crouched side by side, Loki’s eyes wide and slightly wild at the proximity, his breaths leaving him quicker than she would have liked.
“You can.” Val repeated. And, before Loki could react, she reached a hand out to press it against his still madly stuttering chest.
“With me, alright?” she offered a small smile, and inhaled as deep a breath as she could, even as Loki continued to wheeze.
“Like this.” a slow exhale.
Loki’s breath stuttered again, and something in his expression twisting was the only warning the Valkyrie was given before one, fat tear streaked down his sharp cheekbone.
No, Val thought, something within her fluttering in a mad panic at the sight. Absolutely not.
Panic, she could deal with. Rage and hate and violence, he could handle.
Crying, however? That was well beyond her pay grade.
“Breathe in.” she instructed, briskly. “Come on, Lackey. I know you can do it.”
And, after another terrifying beat of silence, Loki did.
His inhales were unsteady, at first, his gaze still a bit unfocussed even as he followed the Valkyrie’s inhales and exhales in almost perfect synchrony.
Still, he remained collapsed against the far wall, shoulders hunched and trembling slightly as he fought for control, and Val could not help but consider that it was the most vulnerable she had ever seen him.
Or ever cared to see him again, in all honesty.
Eventually, Loki’s breaths had all but evened out, and Val blew out a weary exhale before allowing herself to shoot Loki a small, relieved smile.
“Alright, Highness?”
Whether it was the nature of the words or the friendly tone, Val didn’t know. However, not a moment later, Loki was tensing again, and drawing himself up so that both his knees were tucked carefully against his chest, his gaze falling to study the floor beneath as he all but hid behind the mat of dark curls that had fallen into his face.
He trembled visibly, once, and Val opened her mouth to speak again, only to be interrupted by Loki’s small huff of breath.
“You may leave now, if you wish.” he muttered, after another moment. “I don’t wish to keep you and--” he inhaled a sharp, almost hiccuping breath, and pursed his lips tightly before releasing a slow, nearly steady exhale.
“And I don’t intend to be any danger to anyone.” he continued, finally, the words low and painfully self-deprecating. “If that’s what you’re worried about.”
“I’m not.” the Valkyrie dismissed immediately, though she could not help herself from glancing down, briefly, to the blood slowly pooling in Loki’s left palm.
Immediately, Loki huffed again, and his mouth curled into something like a horrible, hollow mockery of a smile as he glanced up to meet her gaze.
“A bold choice.” he hissed, “To lie to the God of Deceptions.”
He bit fiercely at his lip, then, before turning to look away, again.
“I assure you.” Loki continued, after a moment. “That I am well under control, now.”
“Maybe.” Val shrugged casually, before shifting so that she was sat cross legged not two feet from where the prince was still crouched. “Didn’t look like it a minute ago, though.”
“A minute ago,” Loki parroted with a sneer, wide and ugly enough to show the very top of his gums. “Is not now.”
“Yet you’re still shaking.” the Valkyrie pointed out with a raised brow, and allowed herself a small smirk when Loki glanced down at his hands in something like surprise.
“Listen,” she began, when it seemed that Loki was not going to reply. “It--”
“If you’re about to feed me a mouthful of shit about it being ‘alright’,” Loki growled, a bit of color returning to his cheeks as he shot her a sharp look. “I’d suggest that you refrain.”
Immediately, Val felt her temper boil within her chest, and forced herself to take a deep and steadying breath through her nose before she could formulate a response.
“More like a reminder that it’s pointless to pretend that it didn’t happen.” she snapped, the words coming out a bit harsher than she intended.
Especially if the shuttered look that came over Loki’s features was anything to go by.
Val winced slightly, and exhaled softly, allowing her gaze to follow Loki’s to the floor even as she carefully prepared her next words.
“Listen,” she attempted again. “I get it. I really do.”
“Do you?” Loki snapped, though the attempt was painfully weak, even to Val’s ears.
“I do.” she repeated without hesitation, though she did not turn to meet the gaze she could feel lingering on her now, just yet.
“I--I know how it is.” she continued, after a beat. “Feeling...penned in. Restless and like there’s nowhere to go.”
Even without turning, Val could sense Loki tensing beside her, and determined that she had better continue quickly, in order to avoid another unnecessary bout of panic.
“The difference is.” she continued, and turned to meet Loki’s tentative gaze, now. “I had nobody. For the longest time, when I felt that way, I--”
She inhaled sharply through her nose.
“I had nobody.”
Loki did not reply, nor did his expression shift beyond the one of vague confusion he wore now, though Val still felt as if she had gotten through to him, somehow.
“Difference?” Loki echoed, then, and shook his head slightly as if bewildered by the words.
Ah. So maybe she’d made less progress than she’d initially thought.
“Look,” she sighed, and leaned forward (ignoring Loki’s slightly trepidatious expression) so that their faces were barely a foot apart.
“You have people here who care about you.” she muttered, lowly enough that it might have been mistaken for a threat, under any other circumstances. “Your brother would probably trip over himself to help, if you wanted to--to talk. About anything.”
At the words, Loki bristled immediately, though he seemed either too unaffected or too exhausted to tense fully.
“My brother,” he repeated, words dripping with a mingled cocktail of malice and disdain. “Would also not be caught dead snivelling in a corner like some--some pitiful youth.”
“Whatever.” Val shrugged again. “We all deal with our weaknesses differently.”
“Thor does not have weaknesses.” Loki replied, tone clipped and neutral.
Unable to help herself, the Valkyrie snorted.
“You sure about that?” she raised a pointed brow.
However, when Loki simply hunched his shoulders closer to his ears and glanced down at his knees, again, Val felt all traces of humor drop from her face.
“Look, I get it.” she replied, when it did not seem that the prince was going to reply. “I get how things are on Asgard. The whole...Masculinity thing. Warriors who think tears and communication are a weakness, and so forth and so on.”
At the words, Loki stilled slightly, though did not react further.
Val sighed. “All I’m saying is…” she faltered for a moment. “You have people. People who care about you. You do!” she cried, when Loki huffed disbelievingly. “Your brother--Thor...He would fetch the stars for you, Loki.”
Loki huffed again, though his jaw trembled visibly, and his eyes were suspiciously bright.
Best to wrap things up sooner rather than later, then.
“He loves you.” the Valkyrie continued, and risked extending a hand to rest it gently on Loki’s still trembling elbow.
“More than I’ve seen anyone love anybody.”
The words had an effect, alright, though Val was still on the fence about whether or not it was the desired one.
Almost immediately, Loki’s expression crumpled, and he raised a hand to scrub it roughly over his face as he inhaled deep, unsteady breaths in what was no doubt an effort to calm himself.
Val glanced politely away, and fought to keep the small, warm smile that wanted to worm itself onto her face at bay.
Even as her hand remained firmly on Loki’s elbow until he calmed.
---
And if, not a day later, the Valkyrie caught sight of Loki and Thor hunched closely together at the far end of the mostly deserted “throne room”, their faces mere inches apart as they discussed something in low, unheard tones…
If she saw Thor’s expression soften, before he leaned forward to draw Loki into a visibly gentle embrace…
And if Loki remained rigid for all of a flicker of a moment, before he hid his crumpling expression behind Thor’s shoulders and burrowed closer, his hands tightening in the fabric of Thor’s cape at the shoulders…
Well, she wasn’t involved.