Work Text:
Mika’s POV
Was I actually doing this? I couldn‘t help it, I think that right at this second no one could have stopped me anymore if they had tried. I couldn’t wait any longer. I desperately desired to stare into those shy brown eyes and to trace my fingers all over that ripped and beautiful chest filled with tattoos. All I longed for were his lust clouded and husky eyes to look up into mine, and to recognise in them the same desire for my body which I reciprocated for his. It had been such a long time ago and I heard that nostalgia is no good emotion. It drives you mad; as if I wasn’t mad enough already. I could safely say that I had no self control, I had already decided what I wanted, and I was gonna be damned if I weren’t to get it now.
I was walking fast, and once I got to the stairs I strode the steps up to his suite in a matter of seconds.
I knocked on the door, and a few seconds later Fedez opened the door with that goddamn chihuahua in his arms. He had an expression of utter shock on his face as soon as his eyes met mine. He was wearing a pink satin nightgown, which I presume wasn’t his, it nicely framed his bare chest. He held that puppy so close to him as if it held the power to protect him from evil, the evil which in this context had to be me. What a dramatic bitch this man was.
“Hi... May I come in?“ I said.
“No!“ he spat outraged. Then he lowered his voice.
“I have a girlfriend now, you know that and I thought you didn’t want to lose your boyfriend either“
“I’m not going to lose anyone“
I stepped closer, well aware that I was compromising his personal space and stepped through the threshold into his lounge without permission. In this relationship I was the dominant component, and I could work with that.
“You know you miss getting it from behind. Don’t you?“
I whispered with a rough voice that I just couldn’t help, it came naturally to me. My lips were dry and aching for friction, just a few inches from his, just almost… touching, leaving him defenceless and trapped right where he was. It really was too easy with him, he always gave in like I thought he would. The crazy part was, I loved him. I actually loved him, and I know he loved me too. But some things just weren’t meant to be, we weren’t meant to be. But to be honest on some days I even asked myself if Andy and I were meant to be.
While Fedez was entertaining a girlfriend I was still getting it from behind by Andy. It’s not that I wasn’t conflicted by the situation. I was, but some things are stronger than we’d like them to be.
My love for Fedez didn’t compromise my love for Andy, whom I loved very much all the same, it did however compromise my fidelity to the latter. But what he didn’t know couldn’t hurt him.
This affair was senseless but it would have happened in any other set of circumstances. There was no future for us together and the only thing it did was ruin what we had in our lives, but that’s okay cause it couldn’t have kept me any less from getting to him. The attraction was too strong and undeniable, it overpowered everything else. Too strong for common sense to reason with it. Love had its role to play, but it wouldn’t have mattered either way, because I kept getting dragged towards him. God had paired us up in this impossible way, and still destined us to happen.
And I was just leaning back and watching it all happen as if I were watching the growth of a lilac field in our garden in Kent. Watching feelings flourishing and blooming brighter than any blossom I’ve ever seen before. The events unfolding naturally. And hooking it’s roots into my life.
Chiara’s soft voice down the hallway interrupted my train of thoughts, making my breath hitch. And forcing us apart. I had to pull myself together to even out my laboured breathing and to stop myself from sighing out of disappointment. Fedez closed his mouth, which up until then had been inhaling my breath, his lips pink and plush from anticipation.
That’s when I finally registered the meaning of the words that were spoken.
“Fedez?“
I turned around to see a long legged blonde approaching us from down the hallway in an unmistakably matching pink satin nightgown; the owner I presume. She had a sceptical look on her face. And legs for days; he certainly had a type, huh.
I didn’t hesitate to introduce myself.
“Hi! I‘m Mika. I was just in the neighborhood and decided to drop by and greet Fedez“
Fedez just stood there, looking as innocent as ever. Seemingly uncomfortable with the whole situation. He kept on stroking the dog and looked down at his feet. He always looked like a child in the middle of some trouble he didn’t want to be a part of.
It was time for me to leave then, evidently. Nothing left for me to do there. I glanced over at Fedez one last time; he seemed ashamed, probably because he knew perfectly well that we would have fucked if it hadn‘t been for the interruption, and that in fact we would have fucked on any other occasion as well, but there was also a glimpse of relief in his expression. Probably happy to have his big and strong girlfriend Chiara protect him and save him from his own desires.
“You must be Chiara right? Very nice to meet you.”
We shook hands.
“You too, it’s a pleasure.”
“I’m sorry but I must dash again, you two have a nice evening...“
Barely a few seconds later I was stepping out into the crowdy streets of Bologna again.
Fedez' POV
Mika left, like he always does. Chickened out, never risking anything. I wondered for a moment where he’d go now fuelled by all of that desire. Mika was so unforeseeable, so mysterious in the ways that he moved. I liked that about him and it was what had drawn me to him in the first place. I really wanted to know what I was to him. How did the clockwork of his mind operate? What had made him come to me, and made him drop it at the first minor inconvenience? It didn’t add up, it made no sense. And yet there I was standing with a half hard-on, hiding it from Chiara’s view by shifting my legs and trying to get some clarity. I kept stroking Chiara‘s chihuahua in a nervous manner until she broke the uncomfortable silence.
“He was going to kiss you“ She said adamantly.
“Please.... he certainly wasn't" I scoffed, trying to mock her, which I’m aware of didn’t sound half as convincing as it should have.
"I saw it" Of course she did.
I probably should have felt exposed by her careful observation and scared of the implications. But really I wasn’t. Surely from her perspective it was all just Mika; the gay British weirdo who didn’t understand personal space.
Mika was the first man I had been with, and he had opened my eyes in infinite ways.