Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Congratulation

Philip Hamilton is furious.

His fingers shake when he closes the buttons of his white shirt, not breaking the eyecontact with his own reflection in the mirror and training how to ban the anger from his eyes. The freckles stand out against his unhealthy white skin. Philip wonders why his head hasn't been red since weeks.

He takes a deep breath and strokes the blonde curls behind his ears, straightens up and then rips his face away from the reflection. He walks in his typical wide steps to his desk and grabs the small book from it that reads “Reynolds Pamphlet” on the cover.

He hesitates a moment, and then stuffs it into his bag. Just in the right moment, because his aunt opens in the next moment and looks at him. Angelica nods pleased at his look and expression.

She raises a brow, as if to ask if he is alright. Philip just takes his jacket from the stool and doesn't answer it. He obviously isn’t, how could he?

“Pip junior isn’t feeling well. Can you bring Will to school?” She asks. The teen hesitates and then clears his throat. “Yet?”

“No, next year on the fifth of November.” She answers sarcastically. “Yes today! Can you?” She adds. Philip looks over at the Clock, feeling his own stomach twist.

He is nervous, since days. The start of school, after two months in which the media ripped his family apart, he has finally to leave the house again. He only went to the garden, once or twice. The rest of the time he tried to somehow make his siblings shut up, to not annoy his depressed mother and overwhelmed aunt any more. 

“Yes” he says, before he can think about it again. It's only the schoolway, right? And with luck nobody recognizes them. He passes Angelica, who still watches her nephew. She never saw him this quiet until two months ago. When his father destroyed his damn life.

Philip only walks down the stairs. All his siblings stand on the end, everyone having another emotion in their face. Angie gives her oldest brother an encouraging smile, when he stops in front of them and looks at the children. Angelica, James, John and William stand there. He clenches his fists and then looks at them.

He feels sick.

“If anyone talks to you, you keep walking.” He says and looks at John. “If anyone insults you, you keep walking. If anyone tries to hurt you-”

“Run to the next restaurant or shop, go inside and ask for a telephone. We call aunt Angelica. Mommy already gave us that speech.” John says in his childish spite. He is still angry that they couldn’t spend the rest of the summer at Grandpa Schuylers house but have to return to school and into this house, that is unusual silent since several weeks. 

Philip nods bitter and looks at William. “And you-” He begins. William just reaches barely to his hip with his head. He is small, only five years old and doesn't really understand what happened. He starts school today for the first time, fresh out of the kindergarten.

Angie somehow tried to explain it, but that didn’t quite work out. “I bring you inside and you don’t leave without getting picked up. You wait for me and I will bring you home again.”

William nods his head fast and looks a bit scared at his older siblings.

James is the first one that rips the door open and walks outside.There aren’t many reporters anymore, since Angelica called the police and they made them go away. They still go through the backyard into a small gutter.

Angie lays a hand onto Philips shoulder. “Are you alright?” She whispers, so the other boys can’t hear it.

Philip huffs. “What do you think?” He whispers back and then changes the subject. “How is mom doing?”

“A badass battling depression. Have you heard anything of dad?” She asks. Philip feels something warm on his hand, as they step back onto a more crowded street. William has grabbed for his finds and looks unsure at the staring people.

The others have unmoved faces. Philip still feels the anger bubble in his guts, like a volcano that is about to explode, but he closes his hand gentle around Williams.

“You think he would call me ? Don’t take it personal, I don’t think he cares about any one of us, at this point. And he hasn’t been on twitter, and did not give any speeches, nor wrote any papers.” Philip says and feels the heart beat loud in his chest. John takes a turn and disappears with James on the grounds of their middle school.

“I know you are disappointed. But he likes you. He loves us all equal, but he likes you the most. Just tell me if he calls you. Or go to his office. But do something, and don’t just suffocate in your own anger.” Angie claims.

Philip opens his mouth to say something, when Angie squeaks and turns around. She turns her head, trying to look at her back. There is a huge stain on the back of her dress and an empty bottle lays on the ground. Someone walks past them, laughing and Philip could swear he heard something that sounds like “Whore kids.”

He clenches his jaw and closes his eyes, just counting. It's like he is really about to suffocate, but then there is Williams small hand again and he opens his eyes again and fights for air.

Philip slides out of his jacket and hands it to Angie, who looks worried at him. He clears his throat. “Go inside. I come later.” He mutters and Angelica gets slowly into the jacket of jeans.

“Okay. But don’t do anything stupid.” She says and then goes into their highschool. Philip looks down at William, who babbles something about the mean man that just passed them.

Philip keeps walking again. “Act like you don’t notice them. They will be gone in a while.” Philip says and William blinks up at him. He is maybe small, but not stupid. And his brother never gave him a tip that was any like this.

“But… what if they are really mean and I need to stand up against them?” He asks with a small voice. Philip swears in his head. “Then you will still not stand up. You stay down until they are gone. Do it for mom, yeah?” Philip asks.

“But dad said to never back down and-” William is cut off by Philip, who stops abruptly and looks at his younger brother.

“And daddy also cheated on his wife. I think we can come to the conclusion that not everything he did or said is good and you shouldn’t get into fights with five years!” Philip says nearly furious and William nods fast, not being used to Philip being loud in an angry way. Normally he only makes jokes, or yells about someone else. He isn’t the type to raise his voice against his favourite brother. 

Philip sighs and walks again. “Come on, you don’t want to be late on your first day right?” He asks, telling himself to be patient with him. “You have to tell me everything about it, when you come home.” 

William nods again. He always does it when he wants to say yes. He throws his head from the back of his neck forward, until the chin touches his chest. They walk into the elementary school and Philip stops at the entrance.

“And now… go and have a good day. I'll pick you later up.” 

He beams. “Okay Pip! I love you!” He says and then rushes fast inside. 

Philip looks around, feeling vulnerable now that he stands alone here. He feels like he ended up in a zoo, on the wrong side of the glass. He buries the hands in his jeans and turns around. He walks back onto the street, but then he turns into the opposite direction of his school and instead just goes down the sidewalk, until he crashes onto some bench.

He still has Angies words in his head. 

“He loves us all equal, but he likes you the most”

Loves him. His son. The same way he loved his mother and just ripped it all apart? Why doesn’t he care a single bit about him? Why isn’t he calling, checking in on him?

Alone, those questions could make Philip explode. Why did he say he is proud of him, all those years? Now they feel like a house of lies.

He grabs the phone from his pocket, but there isn’t a single call. He gets up, and is about to throw the phone just away, but then he stops himself. If he throws it at anyone, it shouldn’t be the poor lawns of the park.

Philip feels the anger burn again and walks away again, but this time with a destination.

His fathers office.

Chapter Text

Chapter 2

Philip pushes the doors open. James gives him a short nod, as he walks past. He has been the security guard since Philip walked into this building the first time. He remembers how his father forgot some papers and he walked with his mother past the bulky man to see where his father spent most of his day.

Now he pushes this thought away from him, making his way to the stairs. Everything is polished and hasn’t changed in probably a hundred years. When the doors fall shut behind him, the voices of the reporters that colonize the building, die down.
Philip walks up the stairs, the eyes focused on the thick door at the end of the first corridor.

The teen keeps a confident masc and rips the door nearly open. He is met with an empty office, tidy papers on the desk and a can of coffee on next to them. Philip goes to the desk, his brain trying to figure out where he is.
Maybe with his affair. Who knows?

He falls into the chair and takes the time-shedule from the stack of papers. Some appointments are marked, but they aren’t close enough to be really stressful. Not for his father, at least.
He puts the shedul away and glances up. His own face grins at him, much younger and from a framed photograph. He huffs in disbelief, grabs it and shoves it into a drawer, so hard the glas crunches lightly.

He gets up again and leaves the door open. He walks to the room his father has marked on his schedule and opens the door.
The people instantly fall silent and look at him. Around a table sit several politicals. President Jefferson (Which makes sense, since it is his office) Mister Madison, John Adams and some people Philip never bothered to learn the names off. And now those men all stare at him.

Alexander opens his mouth a bit. Philip slams the door shut behind him, grabs the chair from the window and sits down there. He closes his eyes and leans back, anger still bubbling in his guts like lava.
“Philip?” Alexander asks, unsure of what else to say. Philips eyes snap open.
“Oh, you remember my name? What a honor.”

Thomas Jefferson snorts and looks at the Secretary of Treasury. Philip doesn't move and Alexander twists his face. “Son… what are you doing here?”

Alexander did not think Philip would just show up here. He wanted to give him some time before coming home again, especially since Eliza told him to stay away from her home.
And nobody wants an angry Philip, that’s one of the things he knows. Philip was never angry at him in any way, not even disappointed. And seeing him like this, nearly burning with anger, is more than uncomfortable.

“I am here to gratulate you.” Philip says. Aaron taps his foot on the floor, waiting that they can finally continue their talk about the newest Bill.
“No really, congratulations. You fucked not only your marriage up, but also the life of six kids, mom and you invented a new kind of stupid. You know, a open all the cages in the zoo kind of stupid. Only by taking the schoolyard taunts and saying they are more important than anyone else in your family.
You really redefined your legacy. Great job.”

Alexander clenches his jaw, while John Adams tries to cover up his laugh with a yawn. Jefferson watches the drama unfold, nearly a bit proud of the boy under the window.
“Can we talk about this outside?” Alexander asks pissed. He knows that Philip has every reason to be like this, but he is damned when he discusses his private life with his son, in front of his enemies.

“No.” Philip says stubbornly and Aaron gets up. He rolsl his eyes.
“Alright. I get a coffee, until you figured this…” he makes a motion around. “out.”

He goes, followed by Madison.
“I stay exactly where I am. I will not move the slightest until you go home and talk to mom and beg her to take you back. Because I will not let my life be ruined by you!” Philip says and meets eyes with his caretaker.
“Philip Hamilton!” Alexander snaps and gets up. Philip stays in the chair and Jefferson gives the boy a long glance. There is no way he lets Hamilton stay in his office, no matter how insufferable his father is.

“I am your father and you will watch your tone with me!”
“Oh, know you remember you have children? I thought you forgot, after not even calling for three damn months after going and telling the whole world you cheated on my mother!” Philip yells and jumps up. Tears prick in his eyes and he tries to blinks them away before they have a chance to roll over his cheeks.

Alexander groans. “It’s none of your business! It’s mine and your mothers. And now get up, I drive you home.”
The Secretary grabs Philips arm, but doesn't have a chance to yank him to his feet. Philip already opens his mouth and screams. His arm doesn’t hurt, but he screeches like Alexander just broke it by touching him.
He lets instantly go of Philip and he closes his mouth again. They stare at each other.

“I will call the security guards. Just leave the office, we talk in mine.” Alexander says with a dimmed voice. Philip shakes his head.
“No, you don’t. You go to mom and apologize. And make it a good one. A really good one. Before that I will not leave.”

Alexander stops a groan. Normally he would be impressed by his way of fighting, even if it’s dirty. But not when it is against himself!
“I mean it. Philip, be reasonable. We can talk about this, but now get up and let's leave Jefferson's office.” Alexander says, but Philip shakes his head. He presses his lips lightly together, when his father goes to the phone on the desk.

“I give you a last chance. Go out of Jeffersons office.” He says daring and starts threatening to type the number of the security service into the phone. Philip stares at him, silently. Alexander stares back.

“Reporters line the lawn outside. You want me to be in the papers, being kicked out of here?” Philip finally asks. There is another beat of silence and Alexander slams the phone back into the station.

“For dams sake Philip!” He breaks and yells. “Not everything is as easy as you think it is! I can’t just go to your mother! First, she doesn't want to talk with me. Second, I did the only right thing by publishing the pampleth and third-”
“I don’t care.” Philip cuts him off. Alexander makes an offened face. Philip never cuts anyone off. Especially not his own father.

“You have been blessed with the best wife, and should be thankful I am here to make you save your own marriage. I will not be quiet while you rip it all apart because you are so proud! Talk with her and make her forgive you!” At this point the tears roll down his face.
They are hot, taste salty on his dry lips. He hasn’t cried in a really long time, but now it all breaks out. He sobs and looks up at Alexander, who stands right in front of him. His masc cracks.

“Or I will never talk with you again!” He spits out, and he means it. Alexander stares helplessly down at his oldest, slowly getting onto his knees.
Philip isn’t a cryer. He hardly cried as a child, stopped it totally when he was about twelve. If he cried over anything, he was either with friends or his siblings. Not with his parents. Eliza sometimes says she thinks its unhealthy, if he is okay or needs help with something.
He mostly just shrugged it off.

“Hey Buddy…” Alexander says with a small voice and lays a hand onto Philips shoulder. He shakes heavily.

Great, he thinks, I have a total breakdown in the oval office. Jefferson got up as well and finally leaves them alone, dragging John Adams along.
“It’s okay… I go and talk with her. Alright? I talk with her, like you want.” Alexander says and feels his own voice shake.

How could he fuck up so badly? He knows its his fault, that Philip sits here and cries his eyes out, and he can’t even imagine how the others feel about it.
Philip shifts closer to get better into the hug, buries his face on his fathers shoulder. He smells the expensive suit and for a moment a thought crosses his mind.
The poor suit… He thinks, feeling the wet tears and snort on it. He sniffles.

“Make her forgive you… and give her the best life. She deserves it pops… she deserves it.” He mutters lightly and Alexander keeps stroking his curls, nodding his head softly.
“Okay… I will. I promise Philip.” He says comforting and closes his eyes a bit, not wanting to cry himself.

He really needed someone to kick his ass about this.