Archive of Our Own ^beta

It starts simple.

“Gou, come on! I’m gonna be late for the competiti- hey, are you okay?” a voice, previously further away but now next to him asks.

Satoshi and Pikachu are hovering somewhere to his left, he can tell, while Cinderace is on his right, rubbing warm paws on his back. While the heat is comforting, it is doing nothing to slow down his racing mind and pulse. He stares down at the grass and at the single, deep blue petal that lays stark against blades of bright green.

That wasn’t there before, was it?

“Gou?” Satoshi asks, voice uncharacteristically soft. 

Pikachu hops down from the trainer’s shoulder, in what Gou guesses is an attempt to get a better look at his face - the electric mouse’s big brown eyes now in front of his hunched body with concern in every speck of color. “Ka?”

“I. I think I’m okay now,” he says, partly for Satoshi and Pikachu’s sake, partly to convince himself. 

“What happened?”

“It was just a bad cough. It must be all the plants around here and everything. You know, allergies,” he explains, searching for a reason.

Yeah, that made sense. It was probably just allergies. He had always had them, even when he was little, and it spiked around blooms, and they were in Floaroma Town of all places - of course, it was allergies. 

Oh, and that was also how that petal got there. It must have come from one of the nearby flowers, surely. After all, this town was filled with flowers, red, pink, white, yellow, the list went on and on. There had to be a flower nearby that was blue and it just lost a petal. Yeah.

Yeah.

That was it. Had to be.

“Wow, I didn’t know allergies were that bad. I’m glad I don’t have them,” Satoshi says. Regardless of Gou’s words, however, he still remained by his side and waited for the boy to stand back up, the worry in his voice unchanging. “Do you...should we go home…?”

“Wh-No?!” Gou shouts, quickly righting himself back up to look at his friend, “No way are we going back now! You have the Spring Cup battles and I still have to catch a Combee and-”

“Okay, okay! I get it.” 

He sighs in relief at Satoshi’s fast agreement. The last thing he wanted was to be an inconvenience, especially when it was his idea in the first place to come here when Professor Sakuragi mentioned mass Combee sightings in the town. Couple that with him researching and finding out that they were holding a battle tournament with guests like Sinnoh’s champion Cynthia making an appearance,  so that the trip wasn’t just for his benefit, it would kill him knowing that he got Satoshi’s hopes up only to cancel for a little case of the coughs. 

“But you should still take it easy, okay?”

At that, Gou snaps his mouth shut. It wasn’t often Satoshi wanted someone to slow down, so if he was asking...

Gou feels a twist around his heart.

“..Kay.”

Satoshi beams at him. “Okay! Now, let’s go to the Contest Hall. Ready, Pikachu?” Back to his enthusiastic spirits, Pikachu chirps his agreement and jumps back onto his trainer, giving Gou a big smile as well. “Coming, Gou?”

“Yeah, right behind you.” 

Cinderace looks up at him, checking for his affirmation. Gou musters the best smile he can, hoping to give his pokemon reassurance. Not properly convinced but deeming the topic as dropped until a later date, the fire-type nods in understanding and gives his trainer another warm pat on the back in hopes to cheer him up. 

They continue onto the Hall, taking some front row seats that luckily were still empty, ready to send every ounce of optimism and support to their friend competing. 

As always, Satoshi steadily climbs the ranks, he and his band of battle-bonded pokemon working in sync and in tip-top shape to thwart their opponents. One by one they fall to the boy, their pokemon slightly slower or less creative than Gengar with his Double Teams or Lucario and his Aura Spheres.

And, as always, Gou steadily climbs in spirits, his grip on his seat’s armrest growing as tight as the feeling in his chest, with unabashed pride knowing that it was his friend out there, winning like no other. 

But, it is unlike always when Satoshi reaches the final round, defeating Cynthia in a close 3-2 match, that Gou feels the tightness loosen.

It is unlike always when another coughing fit takes hold of him.

And it is unlike always when he and Cinderace watch dumbfounded as another deep blue petal appears as if from nowhere.

And then, it grew.

It was an unspoken agreement between the two of them, he and Cinderace, to keep it from Satoshi. 

There was no need to worry him, the both of them realizing immediately that telling him would only make Satoshi feel guilty, knowing that his friend was sick in the bleachers while he was competing. So, they didn’t tell him, they just continued, business as usual, after Satoshi’s match, dragging him along with them to catch some pokemon, smiles on their face. They laughed and caught and cheered and celebrated and pretended everything was fine - until they could get home and admit to Professor Sakuragi that everything was not.

It didn’t take much for a diagnosis, the professor instantly recognizing the signs. After all, it wasn’t like coughing up daisies happened with the common cold.

“Based on your description, I think the flower you have is a Delphiniums.”

Okay, coughing up ‘Delphiniums’, not daisies, but still.

“So…” Gou started, still trying to wrap his head around everything, “why is it growing in my chest? Did I eat one of its seeds?”

Sakuragi chuckled, adjusting his glasses. “No, it doesn’t work that way. We honestly still don’t have a definitive answer as to how the flower lives in someone’s body, nor why it germinates due to an increase of phenylethylamine.”

“Fenil-?”

“Phenylethylamine.” Sakuragi held out his tablet, highlighting the word on the screen for Gou to see. “Hm, how should I simplify it?” After a beat of contemplation, the professor lit up, excited to begin his explanation. “Ah, okay. Well, you know how we all have chemicals in our bodies, both us and pokemon alike? It is one of the chemicals in our brain, and it makes us feel excited or happy.”

Wait. “So then, the flower is growing because I’m happy?! How am I supposed to stop it then, I can’t just-”

The professor placed a calming hand on his protegee’s shoulder. “Gou, it’s okay. Calm down, please. First of all, there’s no reason to worry. In almost all cases, the flower goes away in a couple of weeks itself or sooner depending on treatment. And, in the slight chance that it doesn’t, there is always surgical removal as plan B.”

“Treatment?” Gou asked, curiously. 

So not only was there a disease where a flower grew inside your chest, but it was common enough to even have a cure? The world really was a strange place. Of course, after meeting legendary pokemon who could control the weather, speak telepathically, and even control time and space, nothing should be that impossible or surprising to him by now.

“I use the term treatment loosely,” Professor Sakuragi admitted, tapping on the tablet to go to another page of text. With a few taps here and there, he soon pulled up a paragraph for Gou to read. “Here.”

Gou squinted at the words, a lot of the diction foreign to him. Finally, he landed on a few sentences that made sense and he began to read them to himself and out loud. “Hanahaki disease occurs when phenil, um, phenylethylamine? Stimulates the brain which then releases...um.”

“Dopamine and norepinephrine,” the professor said. “Two other chemicals. It’s okay, keep reading.”

“The brain releases those things, causing the-” Gou’s breath hitched as he read the next words to himself. “Causing the euphoria a person experiences when they fall in love.”

As if the vines in his chest grew at the very mention of the cause, Gou felt the tightness again, the words close to choking his throat close as he read the final sentences. “The flower feeds on this sensation. As such, the only known treatment for the disease is reciprocated love or the removal of the plant surgically, however-” Gou took in a breath to calm his shaky voice. There, the final line hit him like a punch to the gut.

However, memories involving the object of affection will be removed along with the plant if removed surgically.

And then, it bloomed.

Gou noticed it steadily. The first few days after finding out about his, well, ”situation” were fine. Days went by just as they had before, new sights and pokemon and adventures were had every day, with just a hint more of awareness on his part. 

Where he once would find himself proud from Satoshi’s compliments, he now recognized the fluttering of Butterfree in his stomach and an obvious thrill at the praise. Seeing Satoshi battle with everything he had was no longer just to help show his support or cheer him on, but it was the genuine addiction to seeing the boy smile and laugh in the course of battle, watching him fully in his element and the coolest a person Gou could ever imagine someone being. Eating together, traveling together, just being next to Satoshi’s side could no longer be misunderstood as his content in finally having a best friend. He had noticed it now - understood it now.

And once he had, there was no going back.

“Gou?!” 

Satoshi rushed over to his side, pushing his way through the crowd of onlookers. He knelt to be at his level, placing a grounding palm on Gou’s back. 

At the touch, another clump of petals stuck in Gou’s throat, his vocal cords already sore from the previous coughing fit but sadly unable to receive a break it seemed. Gou tried to rasp out something to let Satoshi know he was fine but struggled to find the words when confronted with the sight of a whole Delphinium bloom there on the ground. 

Without even asking, Cinderace covered for him, placing a foot over the flower and shielding it from Satoshi’s eyes. Silently, Gou thanked him.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize! Why didn’t you tell me you were still having those bad allergies? I wouldn’t have dragged you here to Galar.” Satoshi knit his eyebrows together in worry. “I could have competed in something closer to home, or with less plants, or-”

“That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you, Satoshi,” Gou laughed, voice now a little stronger but most definitely clearer. “You were looking forward to this, right?”

He knew he was. Ever since Dande had called, inviting Satoshi to an open cup in Hulbury, it was all he could talk about and if there was one thing Gou had become painfully aware of in the past few days, it was that he would do anything to keep that smile on Satoshi’s face for even one more second. 

Even if seeing that smile made the flower grow even faster, it was worth it.

Satoshi was worth it.

“It’s not worth seeing you like this, though. And anyway-” Satoshi smiled wide, giving him a wink. “I have way more fun when you do too!”

Gou’s eyes widened and he felt a heat reach his cheeks. 

Then, another cough.

“Why don’t you just tell him?” Koharu asked. She sipped quietly at her juice box, giving a small giggle when Yamper rolled over on his belly to be scratched. 

“Because I could die,” Gou said, folded over the back of the lounge’s couch.

“Don’t be so dramatic.”

Gou scoffed at that, a pout permanently stamped on his face. “I’m not. If he doesn’t feel the same, I can actually die.”

“I somehow find that hard to believe,” Koharu deadpanned.

“Oh yeah? Ask your dad! He’s the one that showed me the whole article on it in the first place, you know!” He squawked. 

Like he wanted to hide it from Satoshi! If it was up to him, he would have told him the second he realized. He hated keeping things from others, and, even worse, it was hard to do it when it came to someone like Satoshi, filled with curiosity and unrelenting in finding out a mystery or secret. 

If he didn’t have to worry about the flower, he would have told him immediately. That way, it would be out in the open and Satoshi could give him an honest answer and they would go from there. If he felt the same, great! Amazing! Everything would be perfect and he could hold Satoshi’s hand without an excuse and know that maybe, possibly, Satoshi’s heart raced whenever they sat next to each other too. If he didn’t...it might hurt a little, but they could move past it and he would get over it. He was fine - no, happy - with staying just as a friend, as long as that meant he could still be by his side, and Satoshi was anything if not an accepting person. He might tease him a little, something like “aww, a crush on me?”, but he’d stay his friend no matter what. That was just the type of person he was.

But, with the disease...

“I’m afraid,” he admitted, softly.

The room became silent, only the taps of Yamper’s paw pads to be heard as well as the tick-ticking of the clock on the wall, counting the seconds as they passed.

“I know,” Koharu said. “But look at it this way. You can wait. Wait until it slowly gets worse and worse until you can’t hide it and then you have to get it removed, or-”

Gou looked away from the ceiling, landing his eyes on his childhood friend.

“Or you could tell him with the chance that he might love you back.”

It’s 2:37 on a Tuesday afternoon when Gou decides he’s coughed enough petals, watching Cinderace fashion the latest collection of the cuttings into a make-shift soccer ball to play with in their room. Satoshi had forced him to stay home this time, demanding Gou get plenty of rest to get over his allergies faster while he did some local training and battle challenges around Vermillion. 

Gou hated it. 

Sitting by his lonesome with only his pokemon for company wasn’t torture by any means - in fact, he could never call quality time with his pokemon as anything less than pure joy - but it still couldn’t compare to how he felt traveling with Satoshi, wherever that may be. He became aware of just how slow time seemed to move without Satoshi’s energy when away with Sonia, but since his disease had taken root it soon turned into something even more unbearable. Each moment without the warmth of his laugh or the buzz of his enthusiasm spurred another coughing fit, the exact opposite outcome he was sure Satoshi was trying to prevent. So it seemed no matter what Gou did, the Hanahaki was only getting worse every day. 

Koharu was right, enough was enough. He had to tell Satoshi. 

"Cinderace?"

The rabbit pokemon looked up, dropping his petal soccer ball dribble. He sounded a little chirp to let his trainer know he was listening. 

"Do you think he could? Like me back, I mean."

He wondered just how pathetic he sounded, sitting here and fretting over how someone may feel about him after he already decided to tell him anyway. He hadn't felt this way in so long - second-guessing every move he made or what someone said. 

It was kinda ironic, now that he thought about it. Satoshi had given him all this self-confidence only for it to disappear in the blink of an eye thanks to this dumb crush. 

But then, as the flower soccer ball landed gently on his stomach, Gou realized one important difference from his old self that no amount of self-doubt could ever take away: he wasn't alone. 

Cinderace smiled, giving him a flexed arm to boot. The pokemon's message was clear: "Of course he'll like you back!"

And just like that, the huge gathering of petals in his throat relaxed and were able to be squashed back down. It was amazing how just one little action could calm his nerves, but he was thankful for it all the same. 

Before the surge of courage could leave his veins, Gou grabbed his Rotor phone and clicked on Satoshi's name. He sucked in a breath of anticipation, feeling the vines in his chest turn tighter and tighter at each ring, a mini vise around his heart. 

"Gou!"

His heart stuttered at the voice on the other end of the line. 

"Are you feeling any better? I picked you up some soup just in case."

Gou swallowed a stray petal threatening to escape his lips. Even if it was just something Satoshi would probably do for any of his friends, the very thought that he had Gou on his mind - enough to pick him up food from the store - had his heart in a frenzy. 

"Thanks. And yeah, I'm feeling a little better. I -" he swallows again, "- actually have something I want to tell you. When you get home though, no rush!" He quickly added on, trying not to make it seem as big of a deal as it was. 

It must have worked since Satoshi didn't probe him for hints and hung up with a promise that he'd be home in around 15 minutes.

Gou fell back down onto his bed, exhaling a long sigh accompanied by a few,  now commonplace, blue petals. He closed his eyes, each possible scenario playing out on the backside of his lids like a projector - every one of them becoming more and more outlandish as he went. Before he could even realize, his daydreams were interrupted by the sound of the front doors to the lab opening and closing. Satoshi was back. 

He clutched white knuckles around his phone, asking all the legendary pokemon in the world to send him strength. Then, as the door to their bedroom flew open, he steeled himself - all traces of doubt tucked away deep alongside the blossoms within him - and sat up. 

"We're home!" Satoshi sang, Pikachu voicing his hello as well. "Soup now or later?"

"Later. How'd training go?"

"Oh!" He bounced over to Gou, goofy grin all over his face, and proudly showed off his standing on his Rotor phone. "I went up 14 places!"

Gou and Cinderace congratulated them, their words of encouragement and praise coming easily. The momentary high was gone in a flash, however, when Satoshi changed the subject - as if he had just remembered something important.  

"Oh yeah, what did you want to talk about? Pikachu and I were guessing about it the whole walk back home - since you called, we figured it was big news. Did Sakuragi hear about a new type of pokemon?!"

Gou felt his heart plummet. 

Ah. Of course, Satoshi figured it'd be something like that. Usually people called when it was an emergency or to share something exciting, which,  to them, dealt with pokemon. Hopefully Satoshi wouldn't be too disappointed that it had less to do with new species and more to do with new feelings. 

"No. Nothing like that. It's more… personal," he started, trying to find the right words. 

As if sensing the conversation was about to take a turn towards serious, Satoshi's sparkly eyes and wide grin settled into something more subdued. He leaned back from Gou, putting away his phone and turning to give the boy 100% of his attention. Catching onto the air in the room, Pikachu looked to Cinderace and they nodded in sync, moving to the door. Just before the two left, Gou caught a glimpse of Cinderace giving him one last flex of encouragement. 

His partner was right. He could do this. 

"Is something wrong?" Satoshi asked. His usually bright and cheerful eyes were tangled with an emotion Gou couldn't quite place. 

Gou clutched at the bedsheets under him, hoping the fabric could somehow keep him upright and not fall over to begin screaming into his pillow like his brain was telling him to. Despite going through all the different ways this conversation could play out, he still didn't know how to start. 

So, he decided to just wing it and start from the beginning. 

"I don't have allergies."

Then, before Satoshi could ask what that meant, Gou braced himself and pulled out a whole bloom of the culprits behind the coughs plaguing him this last month. 

"Delphinium. I looked them up and they grow near here, apparently-"

"I've seen them before," Satoshi says, voice nostalgic. His eyes grow softer at the sight, silently asking if he could take one from Gou and happily twirling the stem of one between his fingers when he did. "There were a lot of them in that field Lugia dropped us off in when we first."

"You remember," Gou breathed. 

Satoshi raised a teasing eyebrow, like the idea he would have forgotten was the funniest thing in the world to him. "Yeah, of course. They're really pretty."

Gou hummed in agreement, feeling a boost of confidence knowing Satoshi remembered that day as clear as he. "Did you know that flowers have different meanings?"

Satoshi cocked his head. "Like what?"

"Well, like red roses usually mean love but yellow ones mean friendship. And Lavender means purity and calm. And Delphinium…”

Brown eyes still trained on him, Gou breathes again. Steady now.

“Delphinium symbolizes strive and dedication to completing a dream or goal…” A heartbeat. Then, he whispers just loud enough for Satoshi to hear. 

“And they also mean new starts and new feelings.”

He stares at the flowers, unable to meet Satoshi’s gaze. Was he even making any sense? Why was this the way he chose to bring it up - he was basically giving a flower class instead of a confession. 

“That’s pretty cool,” Satoshi said, smiling at the flower. “So, you wanted to tell me that you found that out...?”

Well...he might as well get to the point, enough definitions and beating around the bush. He opened his mouth-

Cough .

Gou grimaced as petals flew from his lips only to fall gracefully into the space between his and Satoshi’s laps. He plucked one up, finally ready to confront his disease, and looked his friend, the source of all his troubles and solutions, in the eye.

“I wanted to tell you that you remind me of Delphinium. I wanted to tell you that I like you. And I wanted to tell you that-”

His face warmed.

His eyes closed.

“I had Hanahaki disease.”

Satoshi’s arms curled around him and Gou sighed into the embrace with relief. For the first time in a month, his chest was light. 

And then, a thought hit him, tempting him to sigh again but in disappointment. He kept it to himself, not wanting to ruin the moment, but couldn’t help but look longingly at the blue balled up petals on his bed. If he wasn’t going to be coughing up petals anymore, he knew exactly what that meant.

He was going to have to buy Cinderace a real soccer ball now.