Archive of Our Own ^beta

Throughout his childhood, Zenitsu's grandfather tended to let him drift off to sleep with a story or two to guide the way. Most were harmless fairy tales. Of heroes overcoming great tasks for the sake of their loved ones. Zenitsu liked those a lot. He pretended the protagonist and him were one in the same, that he'd grow to be a strong person to take care of everyone he dear to him. His Gramps, Kaigaku (even though his older brother was a bit of a butt), and...

well, Zenitsu wasn't exactly sure who else would fall into that category, but something nudged him at the back of his head telling him there were more people to protect. Many more, that meant the world to him and then some. For the life of him, he just didn't know who.

Then there were more whimsical stories. Of old folklore, tales of gods and goddesses most of which Zenitsu had never heard of before. Of course his gramps would know, with how old age had set into him. He must have collected these small tales here and there turning him into the charming storyteller the abbeded in the young boy's sleep.

The one he told the most frequently though had to deal with soulmates.

It wasn't quite a tale, more like an old myth that the old man would repeat to him in a calming voice. He'd talk of rebirth and cycles, how everything came around like a rotating sphere; in short death was never really the end, more of a waypoint to wait for your next beginning. Even though the thought of death scared Zenitsu terribly, his Gramps would always make it better with outlandish theories of what his past lives must have been like.

"I'm sure you were a dutiful samurai!"

"You think?!...mm what would I have even done as a samurai?"

"Hmmm hunt down demons?"

"Demons!? Gramps that’s too much!"

No how many lives one supposedly lived, one thing remained an unmovable constant. There was one person you were fated to meet over and over. An uncontrollable force attracted the two like magnets no matter the circumstances they'd found themselves in. That person was a soulmate; the one person you were bound to. When Gramps would say that one word, Zenitsu's eyes would light up like fireworks. He knew the moment he was told of the myth that he wanted that. He wanted to meet the one meant for him. Wondered how many lives he'd lived with that person already.

"But...Gramps if we don't know our past lives how would we know we met our soulmate!?" Zenitsu would gasp.

Though only a story, the blonde held it close to heart. He couldn't afford to get it wrong! He could hurt his soulmate if he mistook them for someone else. The very thought had his chubby cheeks puffy out and his eyes filling up with tears. All he wanted was for that special person to be happy. His Gramps would only pat his head all while smiling warmly.

"You don't know, all that is for certain is that somehow, someway you'll meet one another and they'll become a part of your life forever maybe as a lover, perhaps a friend, a mentor," Zenitsu only grew more frustrated forcing his Gramp's hand," I suppose I'll let you in on a little secret....they say there's a place where all your lives converge into one. Memories from long ago pool in one place"

"Really!? Where, I need to go there!"Jigoro chuckled at his naivety. 

His wrinkled finger poked Zenitsu in the center of his forehead.

" Here , in your dreams. Perhaps if you go to bed you'll dream of your past lives as well. Then, if you're lucky you'll see your soulmate"

After those words, Zenitsu would throw himself back against the bed and wrap himself in his checkered blanket (the pattern was one that always comforted him for one reason or another). He’d yell at the old man to leave so he could sleep while Jigoro chuckled louder sounding victorious. Nowadays Zenitsu realized he probably told him the little tale to make putting him to bed easier, however back then he was a hopeful boy chasing after sleep. 

He'd lay giddy under the covers staring up at the ceiling with his glow in the dark stickers in the shape of stars wondering if tonight would be the night he dreamed of his soul mate.Were they kind? What did they look like? He wanted so badly even a single feature to lock onto. Something as a clue that he could search whenever he met a new person. Something in the back of his mind nicked him saying it wouldn't be a physical trait that stuck out the most, but their heartbeat. Odd considering he hadn't been sure heartbeats could be heard in dreams. He'd contemplate up until blissful sleep finally took him.

But as much as he wished and hoped no dreams of past lives or beautiful soul mates met him. As he grew up the story became just that, a bedtime tale to usher him along. Then some more time passed his indifference disintegrated into a strong distaste for the story. Not because he was bitter over never meeting his imaginative soul mate; oh no he could only wish that to be the case.

No, Zenitsu hated that story because at the ripe age of seventeen, every night he drifted off to sleep the only thing that ever greeted him anymore were nightmares.

Nightmares that always ended with his death.

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Zenitsu yawned, his slouched posture and dark bags circling his eyes obvious tells of his rotten sleep.

It was the dreams, always those crazy heart pounding scary dreams.

The blonde could just not understand for the life of him why he of all people had nightmares plague him almost every night. What's worse Zenitsu had been subjected to them enough that he remembered how eerily similar their settings were. Each and every time, Zenitsu was some sort of samurai; or perhaps that was the wrong word, after all he had a sword always present on his hip but he felt as though there was a better word for his position. Either way, he always wore the same clothing, an odd black uniform covered by a horrendously bright haori covered in triangles and old tabi sandals to match. He'd feel out of place if the settings of his nightmares weren't also olden as well. Villages, wooden structures, rice fields as far as the eye could see without any modern technology to surround it. 

The absolute horrific part of it all was of course his deaths though. For some reason in the olden world his brain dreamed up, his stupid self always found himself at the mercy of monsters. Terrifying and twisted vistages that haunted his eyes right before he awoke.

Over and over again.

Once he was running through an old estate screaming as he and someone were backed into a corner by a monster with a sickly long tongue stalking towards them. As much as he pleaded for whoever was with him to go, they never left and Zenitsu would pass out assuming they were both eaten by the salivating monster. Another time, he was stuck in a tree whimpering with uncontrollable sobs that wracked his wounded body while a spider with the face of a gleefully manic man laughed at him before he fell to his death. There was also a time he was dressed in an odd garb and crazy enough to grab the arm of an entrancing woman who sounded downright poisonous. The last thing he saw was her deadly sharp face narrow before throwing him with brute strength. He wasn't certain his cause of death in that one, perhaps the woman threw him out a window because he certainly felt a pain blossom along his back.

The only recurring dream without a monster was one where he sat in a tree crying his lungs out while down below someone that sounded like his Gramps (though their figure always hazy in his dreams) called up to him. Even then he still died after a boom of thunder rained down upon him and the hot sizzle of lightning striking his skin shot him awake.

Last night had been another showing of the old estate house. Not too bad, though it had to be a sad sad fate for Zenitsu to have begun ranking his nightmares.

"Uh get a hold of yourself," Zenitsu grumbled.

He readjusted his bangs and patted his cheeks, attempting to salvage some farce of being awake. The last thing he needed were upcoming students wondering if the morals committee had a zombie in their midst. And well, Zenitsu would at least like to look somewhat presentable. Not only was he on dress code duty, but they had also been whispers of transfer students. One to the middle school branch and one to the high school. It wasn't everyday new students joined this late in the year, so the blonde was just as intrigued as the rest as to what kind of students they'd be getting.

Hopefully they were nice, Zenitsu couldn't take another trouble maker roaming his halls. With that thought, he scanned the incoming crowd both for new faces and dress code violations. Nothing in either regard, so Zenitsu twiddled around between looking at his clipboard and nodding back to students that greeted him. A rambunctious sounding heartbeat some time later had Zenitsu looking up again, frowning at the group of boys coming towards the gate. Loud, unnecessarily vulgar, with their uniforms undone-and that was certainly hair dye wasn't it?- marched forwards.

'Speaking of troublemakers' Zenitsu sighed.

He preemptively held his arm out stopping the group in their tracks. Noticing their fun was being interrupted all three turned to sneer at him. Zenitsu offered his best glare back.

"Agatsumaaa, come on let us through it's impolite to hold your 'senpais' up like this," one said.

Zenitsu crinkled his nose. As if he'd ever use the word senpai to describe these hooligans.

"I wouldn't have to hold you up if you stuck to the dress code like everyone else," Zenitsu said.

"Hah? Damn did the little morals committee grow some balls overnight?," the guy lended in much too close to Zenitsu's personal space.

 The boy's muscles tensed, his hand forming into a fist and Zenitsu knew what would come next. He backed down like a coward, stepping a few paces away to get more room in between him. It may not stop what was to come, but at least doing such a thing in broad daylight would ensure a teacher would have to punish them. Just as the guy's fist pulled back another hand came to snatch it. Lighting quick movement's pulled the boy's hand up and away from Zenitsu's direction, an embarrassing yelp of pain coming from the guy.

"Are you all some sort of dumbasses making so much trouble in the damn morning?," a familiar voice groaned.

"Mmmaannn," another voice chimed in," picking on Kai's younger bro. Not cool man, not cool at all"

Zenitsu's head almost snapped with the force he turned it to get a look at his savor. Uninterested eyes that only shone with annoyance, short black hair with side bangs a tad longer than the rest, and of course an odd necklace fixed around their neck with an orb affixed that glinted back at him. So it really was him.

"Kaigaku," he said.

Kaigaku had the troublemaker's wrist in his grasp. A hold that looked painful if his brother's tight grip were anything to go off of. Behind Kaigaku stood another student with messy black hair and a thin frame. Gyuutarou, Zenitsu knew, who had a lazy smile watching his friend while holding two school bags. One was his and the other presumably belonged to the head turning girl standing next to him who, instead of watching, seemed immensely more interested in her phone. Ah, so Ume was here too huh?

At their entrance, the trio was changing their tunes completely. The one who threatened to punch him just seconds ago, was leaning back his fist unclenched, rolling his eyes.

"What? Just having some fun, wasn't going to do anything," he said.

Kaigaku's bushy eyebrows narrowed into a glare.

"Uh huh, take your fun and shove it up your ass would you?," Kaigaku snapped.

The boy snatched his arm out of Kaigaku's grip. He glared, looking ready to stand up to Kaigaku, yet his lacky's wavered. 

"Hey man, maybe we should-"

"Shut it, urgh ," he said.

The three took their leave, skirting away with their tail between their legs much to Zenitsu's amusement. Of course they grumbled along the way, Zenitsu catching their swears made under their breath.

"Who does he think he is? Acting all high and mighty because that old geezer that runs the dojo adopted them"

"They're groaning about me aren't they?," Kaigaku said knowingly.

"Don't they always?

"Heh"

They shared a small smile interrupted by Gyuutarou and Ume walking past slowly as to wait for Kaigaku to join them.

"Hey idiot, don't go picking fights unless you’re ready to fight back okay?," he said.

"I'll try to remember that," Zenitsu said.

Kaigaku shook his head, walking off. His brother was always a bit weird like that. Well, Zenitsu used the term brother rather loosely. They'd both been adopted by Jigoro Kuwajima when they were young so that made them siblings in some sense, but a taunt feeling in his stomach always stopped him from referring to Kaigaku as such even though others (like Gyuutarou only moments ago) did so openly. 

"Oh and hey! Ume, you need to pull down your skirt that's way above regulations!," he called after the trio.

He's not surprised when she didn't respond and Kaigaku waved him off.

Ah , what a pitiful morals committee member he was huh?

Zenitsu turned back to the front mentally counting down the moments till his duties would be relieved. That had to have been enough excitement for the day right? His answer to that was the figure of an odd boy coming into view. Zenitsu tilted his head seeing slicked back red hair and earrings that hung from his earlobes. The weirdest thing was his eyes, a stark dark red, that were hazy. He walked like a man in a trance if his blanked out expression was anything to go by. As he sauntered closer, Zenitsu noticed how his nose would flare like he was smelling something.

Okay, weird .

Their eyes met, and Zenitsu instantly wanted to look away because who actually wanted to get caught looking at some weirdo?

But then, those distracted eyes lit up with brilliant life and there was no way Zenitsu could look away. The redhead's aimless walking, became a beeline towards him with strides that almost neared running speeds. It was then Zenitsu realized the boy's clothing, an academy uniform no doubt, yet Zenitsu didn't know this particular student. At least he thought not, even though something about his face sparked a worn out memory that he couldn't grasp.

When the boy closed in, Zenitsu was treated to his hands being pulled out and cupped between the redhead's own. Zenitsu shivered as he felt the rough texture of calluses rube against his own soft hands. The boy's shimmering face up close was akin to a sun with how bright it was, regarding Zenitsu with eyes filled to the brim with hope. His heartbeat, that the blonde was only now catching, was drenched in kindness but hampered by a longing tone that he could only theorize what caused it.

" I'm here !," the boy said loud and proud.

"You're....here?," Zenitsu repeated.

He had no idea why the two words had his heart accelerating in speed, but Zenitsu searched deep for a meaning behind whatever this guy was trying to say. Another overview of the boy led to no memory of him or at least Zenitsu never remembered seeing him for a uniform inspection.

'Wait...that's it, the new guy' Zenitsu realized.

"Oh it's you!," Zenitsu said.

He didn't believe the boy could get any bright, yet there he was, his heart beating louder and smile growing even wider.

"The new student right? You sure took your sweet time getting here, we can only give so much slack on your first day," Zenitsu said.

And just as blinding as that smile was, in seconds flat it had all shattered. The boy's smile dipped and his bright eyes narrowed in confusion.

"What...I-"

"If you need help finding the administration office, I can help, what's your name?," Zenitsu asked.

".... Tanjirou ," the boy said.

Tanjirou said the single name with conviction as if it would be the only thing the blonde needed. Zenitsu raised a brow with a tilt of his head. The rough hands squeezing his own had tightened around him.

"Okay...uhm I'll need your last name too," Zenitsu said.

Tanjirou's face fell further, something inside Zenitsu also flipping as if reacting to the sudden hurt the redhead had no business carrying.

"Kamado, Kamado Tanjirou," he repeated.

“Well Kamado Tanjirou, I’m Agatsuma Zenitsu second year. Like I said the office should be-wait you’re not really wearing those into school are you?,” Zenitsu sputtered, truly taking in the bulky earrings.

“Wear what?”

“Those earrings! I know it’s your first day, but rules are rules!”

“Ah,” Tanjirou fiddled with the dangling earrings before bowing politely,” I’m sorry, but these are a family heirloom from my dad, I can’t take them off!”

Tanjirou was so earnest in his explanation, Zenitsu almost found himself wavering on the subject. It was his first day afterall and if they were important…..no, no, if he started to make exceptions he opened himself to be run right over in terms of authority.

“Heirloom or not, they’re still against rules you have to take them off”

“With all due respect, I will not. Thank you for understanding”

Tanjirou kept his bowing position, eyes covered, so Zenitsu couldn’t gleam what his face might’ve been. What was this guy on exactly?

Then, like a bullet, the redhead sped off right past him and into the gates. Zenitsu had half a mind to chase after him, but decided it wasn’t worth it. And, the oddly depressive tone the boy’s heartbeat had taken did not sit well with the blonde, he might’ve upset him more than he’d meant to.

Zenitsu frowned, hoping that was just a fluke of a meeting.

That night he was prepared for his usual nightmare. Tonight, it was the shifting house again, but it didn’t start off where it normally did. Instead of running from the salivating monster immediately, he was walking with shaky knees behind someone. His quivering hand was outstretched to hold onto a cloth.He looked seeing a haori with green and a black checkered pattern. One look and all Zenitsu thought was ‘safety’ .

That didn’t matter when at the end, it was the same as always laying on the ground with legs that failed to carry him as the monster descended upon him.

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Tanjirou skyrocketed his way to popularity at a neck breaking speed in the following days. It was nothing too surprising all considering. The ever looming burn mark on his forehead did little to take away from his obvious good looks. His personality was sweet, genuine, and helpful which complimented his charming traits that could only come from being a boy raised in the countryside. All week Zenitsu heard nothing but whispers about him, normally from the girls whose fervent chats would end in loud giggles. He was a hot sun that brightened even the dimmest person's day. No one could dislike the guy.

But oh did Tanjirou dislike Zenitsu.

The redhead was too nice to outwardly say it, but Zenitsu got the message loud and clear. One moment, the boy could be his usual shining self and then Zenitsu would so much as enter his vicinity, souring everything. Tanjirou's face would squeeze up, focusing only on not making eye contact with the blonde. There were no pleasantries to be exchanged. No 'hi' or 'hello' despite the fact Tanjirou would sweetly greet everyone else from students to faculty.

During uniform checks, he was barely paid much head then either. At first, the redhead would attempt to bow his head to blend in with the rest of the crowd, never once sparring Zenitsu a thought even though those clunky earrings were still very much a violation of school policy. Now, Tanjirou avoided the gates as much as possible whether it was coming to school earlier than he or taking a supposedly back entrance that the teachers never guarded.

Zenitsu tried to not feel hurt. It's not like he really knew the guy and well, they did start off on the wrong foot. However, he didn't believe anything he'd done warranted the outright avoidance. There had to be something else besides their sour meeting. Was it his weird looks? Was he too loud? Did he smell? Tanjirou did his best to avoid pungent smells with that dog nose of his.

Wait.

Did Tanjirou have a good nose? Zenitsu had no idea where that fact came from. 

'Don't overthink it, I probably just heard it in passing ' Zenitsu decided.

Yeah, that had to be it.

Still, the thought of Tanjirou disliking him (or his brain supplied,hated), had Zenitsu's mood plummeting to a concerning degree. Rationally he knew better; the two barely knew each other, so why did it matter what the redhead thought of him? Plenty of students disliked him for more outlandish things, so why did this one person affect him so much?

His dark moodiness wasn't lost to others. Zenitsu was sitting against the living room's couch bucket of ice cream in hand rewatching old drama reruns. He could have been watching anything for all he cared as he dully stared at the tv screen. The ice cream bucket was halfway empty when Kaigaku walked in soda in hand. His older brother took a double take at his appearance.

"The fuck happened to you?," Kaigaku snorted though Zenitsu could hear the faint underline of concern.

Zenitsu pulled forward, his head resting against his knees as he stuffed another mouth full of ice cream.

"Mthing," he said, words muffled by the sweet.

"Yeah totally nothing even though you're eating my ice cream. Just got that shit yesterday, was really looking forward to it," Kaigaku said.

Zenitsu pulled the spoon from his mouth and looked down. Sure enough the icecream was bright green with dark flakes of chocolate stuffed in. Around the side was a taped note with Kaigaku's name crudely written across the top. To not have noticed that of all things had Zenitsu questioning just how foggy his head was.

"....m'sorry," he said.

"You don't even like mint," Kaigaku rolled his eyes and crossed his arms," really, the fuck is wrong with you?"

"What...do you do when someone doesn't like you?," Zenitsu asked.

His question was muffled by his hunched form. Kaigaku raised a bushy eyebrow regarding his brother with new confusion.

"I tell them to fuck off?," he tried.

Zenitsu groaned in exasperation hiding his face between his knees and pushing the ice cream to the side. Of course Kaigaku wouldn't be any help.

"What some piss baby giving you a hard time?," Kaigaku said.

"Please for my sanity don't say that word again. It's not like that anyway.....can't give me a hard time when he's ignoring me," Zenitsu said.

The couch dipped low as Kaigaku, instead of leaving him to wallow in pity, sat next to him. A troubled face stared at Zenitsu's hunched form.

"Spill," Kaigaku said simply.

"It's just the new guy. Uh Tanjirou, he uh for some reason- he doesn't like me. I guess I just don't understand. He's a good person, I can hear it and he's so sweet. Yesterday, he carried all the new work book cases for the librarians so they wouldn't have to strain themselves.....not that I was purposefully watching him! Not....not at all," Zenitsu said.

Kaigaku didn't call him out, though his amused heartbeat said he didn't believe Zenitsu in that regard whatsoever.

"So it's only you huh? Sound like a prick, want me to find out why? I'm sure me and Gyuu can get some answers from him," Kaigaku offered.

Zenitsu paled and furiously shook his head. No, absolutely not. 'Get some answers' only brought to mind the two brothers cornering poor Tanjirou in the back of the school where no one could see. That would just make things worse; Tanjirou could end up thinking him the younger brother of a wannabe gangster for crying out loud!

"No, No, No! It's fine please don't do that...besides it's probably my fault anyway. His first day, I gave him a hard time about his earrings," Zenitsu said

"Hn, suit yourself. Even if that was the case, that still some shittily flimsy reasoning there," Kaigaku said,"....I don't know, have you thought maybe he thinks you don't like him?"

"What? I could never dislike someone like him?"

"Sure but does he know that? You said you gave him a hard time about his earrings, maybe he's avoiding you because he thinks you don't like him. Have you tried talking to him since then? Or have you been doing that thing where you awkwardly flounder like a fish when you don't know what to do?"

A new silence stretched between them with Zenitsu reluctant to answer at first.

".......the second one," he said.

"Knew it," Kaigaku said with a self satisfied smirk," how about you actually try to break the ice first. Who knows, this is probably all one dumb understanding. Just be nice to the guy, show that you're not upset"

Nice , yeah Zenitsu could do that

Kaigaku's words were a new guideline to follow. Something he actually looked forward to doing. Tanjirou Kamado better be prepared because next time he saw him, he'd be served with Zenitsu's full charm. Blinded by his sudden niceness, Tanjirou would have no choice, but to see the error of his avoidance. They'd make peace, become friends, then best friends, then....

well then there wouldn't be much else to accomplish, except something in the back of Zenitsu's mind seemed to think he was missing something more.

The reality of the situation though? None of his new hopes came to fruition because right after his plan was decided on, Tanjirou practically disappeared. He was a ghost that haunted the hallways who would come and go around other students as he pleased, but when it came to Zenitsu the redhead was nowhere to be found. At first he thought the trouble came from them being in different grades, but even those in his own class had been privy to Tanjirou's whereabouts. It had been a week straight of barely seeing a wisp of the boy, even though they'd been in the same building!

Zenitsu was stuck laminating his rotten luck while cleaning the front of the school's entrance. Turned out the morals committee was just a new term for 'Faculty are too busy to do this so won't you please step in and do it for us '. Everyone else 'supposedly ' had important plans already leaving Zenitsu by himself sweeping the school gates of any debris. Anything for the academy, he supposed through gritted teeth and a tired body.

Pausing for a breath, Zenitsu leaned over the flimsy broom he'd been supplied with. He watched the school gates to admire his rather impressive handiwork when a new figure skipped up to it, dainty heartbeat telling him already it was most likely a girl. He was correct about that as the figure passed through the gate revealing a girl dressed in the middle school's black sailor fuku. Her long black hair was squashed flat against her back by a large case carried behind her.

'Oh' , Zenitsu thought ,' Kamado Nezuko, Tanjirou's younger sister' .

A bubble of joy rose up in his stomach. Too much time had passed since he'd properly basked in Nezuko's cuteness. Was she lost? Zenitsu would be her dutiful tour guide if so!

"Nezuko-chann!," he yelled as he ran up to her.

It was at the same moment her face met his, seeing confusion written all over it, that Zenitsu also realized one crucial thing.

Who even was Kamado Nezuko?

They'd never met once in their life. He hadn't even known Tanjirou had a sibling, yet alone a younger one. Where had his mind produced that information? Why did his body still run towards her with happiness fluttering in his stomach? Oh no, he had to fix this quick before he came across as a resident stalker.

"Uhh I mean Kamado....chan," Zenitsu said, his steps falling to pitter patters.

"Yes? I'm sorry, do I know you?," Nezuko asked.

Why did it hurt so much that she was asking a perfectly normal question?

"No, but uh I know your brother," Zenitsu halflied," sorry, I should have started off that way"

"Oh no it's fine! If you know my brother then you're just the person I needed. Tanjirou left his kendo stick at home and needed me to bring it to him. I'm not the best with directions, would you mind showing me the way?," she asked.

On paper, that didn't sound like the best idea. If Tanjirou caught him walking around with his sister when they were on bad terms, wouldn't that make him even more irritable? Yet, this was Nezuko (something that shouldn't really matter, but did) and he found himself agreeing without a second thought.

He walked her through the halls leading to the kendo club’s room. Nezuko was head and shoulders easier to talk to than her brother. She was open, a free spirit, a type of personality that Zenitsu found easy to admire. 

“Hey can I ask you something about your brother?,” Nezuko tilted her head,” I just wanted to know if he were the type to hold grudges”

“Grudges? No, that’s not really like him, why do you ask?”

“Well to be honest, I don’t think he likes me very much. The first day of school I hounded him about his earrings probably made myself come off as unapproachable”

“I see...Tanjirou takes those earrings very seriously, they’re from our father. He passed away a few years ago”

Zenitsu hissed at the sore subject. Now he felt doubly worse for being so forceful. Tanjirou had only said they were a gift, not one from his dead father. No wonder the redhead probably hated his guts.

“I’m sorry to hear, I had no idea”

“Don’t be, it’s something we’ve dealt with for some time now. Tanjirou though, he really took it hard at first, I’d never seen him have so many nightmares”

“Nightmares?,” Zenitsu perked up.

“Ah I’m really not sure why I mentioned that. Something about you just seems so….easy I guess? I feel like I can trust you, weird isn’t it?

‘Well  I greeted you with your name even though I had no idea you existed more than an hour ago soo’ Zenitsu thought.

“But he used to have really bad nightmares. Screaming, crying, sometimes he was so inconsolable afterwards. It scared me especially when there was nothing I could do besides hold him. I’m glad we’re past that, he’s come a long way. Maybe if you can just lay off him about the earrings for now?,” Nezuko suggested.

“I will, thank you uh it should be this one right here,” Zenitsu pointed to the door that muffled the yells of students against the smack of wood.

Nezuko waved to him, running in to see her brother. Zenitsu waved back, but stood there mulling over Nezuko’s words.Tanjirou had had nightmares and while just about everyone had their fair share of them, something told Zenitsu this incident wasn’t purely coincidental.

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As he drifted off to sleep that night, a dream came to him so unlike any other settings he’d been used to. It all opened with him on the side of a road crying into a girl’s hand. Despite her obvious disgust in her heartbeat he continued to yell ‘Marry me, marry me please I could die at any minute! ’. She attempted to break from his grasp only resulting in more outrageous wails. Well, if he wasn’t dying in this dream, Zenitsu might just die of embarrassment himself.

But that’s when he came across a beautiful heartbeat that caused more tears to cascade down his cheeks. A familiar boy with red hair and eyes and odd earrings and fitted in the same uniform as he with a checkered haori. Tanjirou Kamado of all people had now infiltrated his dream and come to the rescue of both the girl and Zenitsu’s dignity. 

“How could you!? You’ve ruined my marriage!”

“Can’t you see that girl wanted nothing to do with you!?

Some slapping may had ensured from the girl he’d attempted to plead with. This ended with a hand print firmly glazed on his cheek while he huddled up to the dream Tanjirou.

“I’m terribly weak okay? I’m sure I’ll die, the next mission for sure I’ll die, but you sound strong! You have to protect me until I get married okay!?”

A back and forth went between them, too fuzzy to really make out for Zenitsu’s dreamlike state and the next thing he knew they were walking side by side along a forested trail. His stomach grumbled in hunger, but before he could cry about it an onigiri was pushed into his line of sight.

“Take it,” Tanjirou offered. He needn’t be told twice to dig in, though paused when he realized Tanjirou wasn’t eating at all.

“It’s okay, that’s my only one, you have it,” Tanjirou said.

Zenitsu’s heart fluttered looking at the rice ball. He’d been nothing but trouble for the redhead and he’d still chosen to give up his only food? That kind heartbeat of his didn’t lie after all. Without a second thought, he broke it an half offering the slightly bigger one back to the Tanjirou.

For a moment, his dream only consisted of the two of them, the bright scenery, sharing a small meal and the first show of kindness he felt his dream self had seen in quite some time.

And for Zenitsu, the first good dream he’d had in months.

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Zenitsu waited by the school gates, for once a pep in his step and a small smile on his face. Why? Well, it wasn't any day he'd had a good dream. No monsters, no death, only a soft moment between himself and Tanjirou, or at least a person who looked like him. Okay so maybe the screaming girl sort of gave him a headache, but still much preferable to the alternative.

He'd woken up that morning not by springing awake with a scream touching the tip of lips, however softly blinking open his eyes to his ceiling. He could cry and fly up to heaven for the small blessing he was granted. Behind his happiness, still stood new questions beginning to form. Like why was Tanjirou in his dream in the first place? He'd been dressed in a similar uniform, a sword by his side as well. Had he dreamt him to be like his other self? 

Too much thinking on the topic sparked his mind to a low sizzle. The best explanation he could come up with was that Tanjirou had been on his mind lately. A lot . To a degree he would never admit to another soul. So, of course he placed him in the dream in a haori that resembled Zenitsu’s checkered bed sheets no less. Yeah that made sense.

At least, he prayed it did.

Well, it didn't matter either way because Zenitsu would not allow it to distract from his refreshed mood. In fact nothing would! Not even the trio of rambunctious boys walking right towards him. Though that did heave an exasperated sigh from the blonde. As they're annoyingly loud chuckles grew near, Zenitsu squared himself up ready to face them. Like time before, he threw out his hand stopping them at the gate.

"Again Agatsuma, shit's getting old," the dyed hair one growled.

"What's getting old is you coming to school everyday disregarding the rules," Zenitsu bit back," today makes your fifth violation, that means suspension"

"The hell did you say?!"

The teen leaned in close enough that Zenitsu was subjected to their displeasing heartbeat. His lips twitched at the booming sound. 

"I said," Zenitsu ground out,"sus-pen-sion"

He was pushing it. Zenitsu knew whatever luck that was protecting him was about to expire, but he found himself not caring. Something inside was broken, wondering why he ever coward to a trio of teenagers who probably thought a fight was mindlessly swinging at someone until either one went down. They didn't even know the difference between offense and defensive stances. Neither did Zenitsu though. At least he thought. Maybe .

A hand reached out grabbing onto Zenitsu's sweater. He was pulled forward to meet the angry teen's face head on. Normally this would be enough to send Zenitsu into a crying fit, though at the moment nothing filled him besides a sense of underwhelment. Did this guy really think flaring his nostrils and grinding his teeth looked intimidating?

But then there was a hand clapping the back of the boy's shoulder fisting up his uniform and pulling him out of Zenitsu's face. Zenitsu's expression fell, thinking Kaigaku had to have gotten involved again until the person's voice spoke up.

"You shouldn't be making trouble Agatsuma-senpai like this, we're all class mates aren't we?," Tanjirou's sweet voice filled his ears.

Zenitsu thought it was a trick, except no, Tanjirou Kamado really was standing there having made his first appearance in front of him in a week. His kind demeanour was off put by the vicious grip he had on the troublemaker's uniform that kept him in place and firmly away from Zenitsu.

"Huh!? How many damn people want to get in my way? Kamado right!? We're all you're senpais here, so why do you leave our business to us and you can run along with the rest of the first years," he sneered.

If anything, Tanjirou's grip only tightened more and along his jaw the crack of tensed muscles began to appear.

"People who decide to cause troubles for others are not anything to me," Tanjirou asserted," now go"

Tanjirou released his grip with a push that sent the boy crashing into his friends and beyond the school gates. Knowing what was good for them, the trio scrambled from there, running into the school. Good riddance, if you asked Zenitsu. He marked down their violations intent on letting Giyuu know about it later. 

"Are you okay, Ze-Agatsuma-senpai?," Tanjirou asked.

Tanjirou was talking to him? Acknowledging his existence?

"Y-yes!," Zenitsu blurted out.

Why'd he have to be so loud. Zenitsu hid his embarrassed face behind his clipboard. Tanjirou's eyes roamed his body checking if Zenitsu's words held truth. They looked so thoughtful and caring, just the eyes alone had Zenitsu's stomach doing flips.

'Wait....this is it, the opening you've been waiting for!' Zenitsu realized 'Do it, knock him out with that kindness!'

With hands gripping his clipboard so hard it might break in half, Zenitsu steadied himself gathering all the inner sweetness he had to spare. 

"Thank you so much Kamado! Uh I know we got off on the wrong foot, but I think you’re very-"

Nothing, Tanjirou had walked passed him as if he hadn't said a word. Long gone were the kind eyes that had been on him seconds ago and now troubled ones looked forward not sparing him another glance. As the redhead walked further and further becoming a speck in the distance, Zenitsu's heart dropped to his stomach. Even long after Tanjirou had disappeared inside the school, Zenitsu never once looked away until a snapping sound forced his attention back to himself.

Sitting in his hands were two halves of his clipboard that had actually snapped down the middle with his fingers still tensed around the sides.

Huh.

Either the clipboard was flimsier than he expected, or Zenitsu was a lot stronger than he'd thought.

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For the second day in a row, Zenitsu found himself on sweeping duty. It had to be unfair at this point, being stuck with the extra work while everyone went home with the excuse of 'important plans ' for another day. Anyone else would object, but Zenitsu just couldn't find the heart to argue with his classmates. Next time for sure he'd channel his inner Kaigaku. He shifted his face to the sour glare his older brother normally walked around with, testing it out for himself. He probably looked ridiculous rather than intimidating, he bet.

"Awe what's wrong Agatsuma? You looked like you sucked a lemon," an irritating voice questioned feigning concern.

The pile of neat leaves he swept up were suddenly kicked, each one spilling back out to his clean gates. Zenitsu pulled the broom close to his chest as the familiar trio of boys walked to the gate.

"Or are you just upset there's no one around to take care of you now?," the main leader said.

This guy was growing to be a thorn in his side wasn't he?

"What do you want?," Zenitsu’s fatigue dripped into his question.

"Shit I don't know, maybe for stupid moral committee officers to keep their mouths shut? I can't believe you actually blabbed to a teacher, they really did give me suspension you little shit!," he hissed.

"That's really not my problem. Why do you care? It's not like you really cared about learning anything in the first place," Zenitsu said.

The words coming from his mouth? Immensely satisfying. The humiliated embarrassment of the guy's face? Priceless. The fist suddenly swinging at him? Now that was a problem. 

Zenitsu would be the first to swear he wasn't a good fighter. He'd rather run away than have a fist flying in his face. Even the demos in the dojo seemed all too harsh for his body to bare. However at the moment, Zenitsu saw the punch coming and could honestly care less. His body must have turned on autopilot because he was diving out of harm's way at the last minute. It left the poor guy following through with his punch only to fall forward to the ground.

"What the fuck-," he hissed.

Zenitsu himself wasn't sure what it was, but before he could question he heard the steps of another behind him closing in fast. Had to be another of the trio, but their movements were so predictable. Zenitsu could already hear their off centered form from the way their feet haphazardly hit the ground. Sucking in a breath, Zenitsu's grip on the broom tightened. He flipped it around and on instinct, twirled his body around to face his would be attacker. The guy didn't know what hit him, literally, when like a sharp blade Zenitsu whacked him across the face with the broom's hilt.

He went flying to the ground knocked unconscious in seconds flat. Zenitsu blinked, staring at his now knocked out body in surprise. Had he just done that? How hard was he hitting to knock him out? He wasn't even sure that was a thing that could happen . Zenitsu's face snapped to the last of the trio who was frozen on spot. When Zenitsu's attention fell to him, he simply put his hands up in surrender.

"H-hey now I don't want any-"

"Get away from him!," a new voice cut through with a furious yell.

The last boy had no chance to run as strong hands gripped him by the shoulders and a downright furious Tanjirou Kamado bashed his head into theirs. Anyone would be concerned for the safety of both with how the sound rattled throughout the empty school grounds. Zenitsu just reflexively knew Tanjirou was okay though. His unwitting opponent on the other hand? Knocked out cold. 

By the time Zenitsu had enough sense to check on the first one to swing at him, all he saw was a dust cloud and a body running away like the coward Zenitsu always imagined him to be. He huffed and turned back only to have Tanjirou up in his face now, hands on his shoulders too. Unfounded fear coursed through his veins believing himself to be the next victim of the redhead’s deadly forehead until he spoke up.

“Zen, are you okay!? Did they hurt you?,” Tanjirou growled the last part out.

Zenitsu was so completely whiplashed by the sheer emotion he was getting from Tanjirou that he almost couldn’t form an answer. That only furthered Tanjirou’s worry.

“Let me check you, please,” he pushed.

“No! I mean I’m fine, they really didn’t land a hand on me,” he said.

Huh, he’d really said just the truth hadn’t he? None of the bullies ever did land a single punch. A wave of accomplishment washed over him, though was pushed away by embarrassment as the pads of rough hands gently probed and poked his body to make sure he was telling the truth. When Tanjirou had his fill, the redhead then took him into his arms. Never before had Zenitsu felt more safe than wrapped in Tanjirou’s arms, no matter the confusion clouding the moment.

“Thank goodness, I came as soon as I saw, if they had hurt you….,” Tanjirou mumbled.

“You ran all the way here?,” Zenitsu was in awe.

Regretfully, Tanjirou pulled back from their hug keeping Zenitsu at arms length, but his eyes were hard speaking for his determination.

“I never, ever, let you get hurt. Not aga-,” Tanjirou cut himself off.

With a troubled look clouding his face, Tanjirou’s hands fell from Zenitsu’s shoulders.

“I mean, it’s not right to leave someone in need. I-I’ll be going then someone has to get the nurse for these guys, please be careful Agatsuma-senpai,” Tanjirou said.

“I-,” and once again Tanjirou walked away from him without sparing any more time of day and as if he hadn’t just panicked all over Zenitsu.

“Did he….did he just call me me Zen?,” he asked no one.

That night, his dream was thankfully another filled with warmth. One where he laid on a strong surface that held him in the air. He was surrounded by three kids, one of which he knew from the nightmare with the shifting house. They were outside though? Did that mean they hadn’t died, or was this just a precursor to that?

His question was somewhat answered when the person nice enough to carry him waved goodbye to the children and started off on another path. It would have been nice and quiet if not for a boar headed thing walking besides him. His dutiful carrier did the best to interact with the boar, but all Zenitsu could tell was that they were arguing incessantly.

“My name’s Kamado Tanjirou!”

“Kamaboko Gonpachirou!”

Tanjirou? Like magic, the figure carrying him appeared in focus and yes there was that same checkered haori and red hair. Zenitsu snuggled deeper into the hold even telling off that boar headed kid when he became too loud to properly relax into this once and a lifetime scenario.

Thankfully, things did die down from there. Tanjirou was able to pull ahead carrying Zenitsu still even though the blonde could hear how tired the redhead was as well.

‘Ahhh ’ he sighed a dreamy tone to himself.

Tanjirou was amazing. He was strong and resilient. Zenitsu bet even if he was scared he’d never show it, if only to make those around him feel a little bit of hope. He was kind to boot, with the heartbeat of an angel. Even good looks favored him.

“Hey Tanjirou,” he said.

“Hm? What is it, we’re almost to an inn if that helps,” Tanjirou said.

“No, not about that, I was just thinking,” Zenitsu said, ” about how I said you had to protect me until I got married”

“That ahah a sort of tough order don’t you think?”

“Well I want to change it! Instead of protecting me, do you think that….Tanjirou would you marry me!?”

“Eh?”

“Please do me the honor of being my husband!”

“I-”

And that’s when the boar headed boy interrupted again screaming something or another about food and Zenitsu was flown from his dream and awakened in his world staring up at the ceiling with a cherry red face.

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That one dream. That single moment. It was like a damn that broke rushing over Zenitsu with dream after dream. No longer was he plagued with any horrendous heart thumping nightmare. No, quite the opposite. Now everytime Zenitsu closed his eyes, he was met with sweet dreams. Stolen moments from the olden world that were so much brighter in contrast to the bleakness of the monsters.

In his new dreams, Zenitsu found himself surrounded by the warmth of hazy people. Some were more than focused on others like a boy toting around a boars head (the same from the shifting house). He tended to be rambunctious, an uncontrollable fury and when Zenitsu had been treated to the boy's real face, holding the features of an angel. Inosuke, the name came to mind like it was all so obvious. Nezuko showed up quite a bit as well, though something was off about her. She never talked always muffled by a bamboo stick held in place between her lips. Somehow that wasn't the most alarming part as Zenitsu had also taken note of her unnaturally slitted eyes and sharp nails. 

Of course, more than anyone else Tanjirou was a repeat visitor in his dreams. Without fail, the redhead would be there with all smiles and gentle heart whether he was a figure just on the horizon of his vision or front in center commanding his whole attention.

He dreamt of their small group always together and he knew his dream self wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes it was snippets of dinner spent in various inns with wisteria trees in bloom just outside. Inosuke would be swiping food left and right while Tanjirou sweetly offered Zenitsu some of his food as compensation. Nezuko would sit in the corner sometimes as her usual self, sometimes looking much younger. 

Other times they would walk along beaten paths to new destinations. During those times Zenitsu took the time to really admire the forested scenery devoid of large buildings and noisy cars. Inosuke would throw out ideas for small competitions they could compete in along the way. Zenitsu would snap at his brutish ways, yet Tanjirou would go along with anything if they had the time. He was too sweet like that.

In Zenitsu's opinion, the best dreams were the ones where he found himself closer to Tanjirou. Maybe they would hang in the back allowing Inosuke to take the reins and their hands would brush. At first he thought it was a coincidence, but then his dream self would boldly wrap his hand around Tanjirou's. The redhead's hand was so unexpectedly rough! And unspeakably warm. Exactly like the real Tanjirou’s hands. Moreover, he wondered when he'd become so close. His dreams were always so fragmented, it was hard to keep a timeline of his imaginative events.

As if an answer to his new question, his next dream showed him just that.

Zenitsu was bundled up in a cot. While he felt fine, something was different. His limbs, more like his arms, didn't have the same reach as he would expect. Were they shorter? How was that possible? He looked to the side seeing the cot next to him was also occupied. Under the few rays of moonlight it was hard to make out until he noticed the red scar adorning the other's forehead.

Tanjirou, he was there again. Zenitsu felt himself relax in spite of the confusion.

"Tanji, are you asleep?," he voice said on autopilot.

As always, he never really had control of himself in his dreams. Always acting out of instinct or some programmed script he couldn't change.

"No, is everything okay?," Tanjirou said.

One red eye opened enough to enthrall Zenitsu. He pulled the covers over his small form, a task proved more difficult than he'd like to admit by his shrunken limbs.

"Mhm...I just wanted to say I'm glad you're okay. I was really worried, you know you jerk!," he said. 

Tanjirou smiled gently. Why couldn't the real Tanjirou smile at him like that?

"Well I was worried about you too, if I had known you came up the mountain I would have come for you immediately. I thought you were going to stay at the base," Tanjirou said.

"I was going to...," Zenitsu frowned, " I was really scared okay! But then...but then...I didn't want you to be alone. You could've been hurt! I have to do everything I can to protect you don't I!? You're my fiance"

His lips wobbled at the word 'fiance '. A blush warmed his cheeks though his breath halted in expectation. Waiting for whether or not Tanjirou would accept the word. When Tanjirou's lips bent downward, Zenitsu's heart plummeted at the same time.

"About that..," Tanjirou began.

"No!," Zenitsu hissed before the redhead could turn him down, " at least let me say one thing. I really-I really want to marry you Tanjirou. You're kind and strong, it's a little unfair honestly. Your heartbeat makes me want to cry, but then if it ever went away I think it'd just make me break down more"

"Zenitsu"

"And if it's about me being a coward I can change! Demons scare me and I'm not very strong, but I want to be able to keep you safe too. I want to be someone you can rely on you thick headed idiot. T-that's what being married is about...so please, at least think about it. You can smell that I'm serious right?"

His hopeful plea cracked his throat. Desperate that Tanjirou would understand, he turned to his side so he could stare into his eyes.

"I just think right now's a little hard to say. There's things I need to do. Nezuko needs her big brother right now, she's counting on me to turn her back. The missions, the corps, I can't afford to stray from that right now. I think you're a wonderful person and there's no doubt in my mind that you're sincere. I'm flattered that you want to spend your life with me...but please accept my apology that I can't return those feelings right now," Tanjirou said.

He spoke so sweetly to him, Zenitsu's chest felt alight with a new warmth despite the disapproval of his proposal. At least this was the most gentle anyone had let him down. A much preferable method to the woman that would laugh cruelty in his face. Or worse, string him along with the promise of marriage only to run off leaving him straddled in their debt and problems. 

He decided right then, even if Tanjirou rejected him, his feelings wouldn't waver. He'd still do his best to support the redhead in whatever he needed Zenitsu to be. He'd get stronger so Tanjirou wouldn't shoulder the burden of battle all on his own.

"So, even if it's selfish of me to ask, would you wait for me?," Tanjirou's voice cut through him like a knife.

Zenitsu froze, replaying the short question in his head to make sure he'd heard that right. When it all clicked, Zenitsu sprung up from his bed, hair sticking in every direction and a puff of red bursting from his face.

"W-wait for you!?," Zenitsu cried hopefully.

"Mhm...if we were to do so, I'd want to do it properly. I'm the first born son, it's only right I'd get the chance to properly court you if that's what you want and that's what you deserve"

The words of courting had his face running hotter. Tanjirou wanted to pursue him as well? What would that be like, he wondered. All the relationships he'd formed before had been him running himself ragged to prove himself to the woman who would turn around to taunt him. Would someone attempting to prove themself to him be better? Zenitsu's heart boomed at the thought of being swept off his feet in lieu of being the foolish pursuer. Not that Tanjirou would have to try very hard, he'd already shown himself more than capable of being a wonderful husband whether he knew it or not.

"I know it's not the answer you want, but this might be the best option. We don't have to rush into anything, I could get to know you, you can get to know me and if after all this that's still what you want, I'll gladly accept," he said.

"Of course I'll still want you! I'll wait as long as it takes, we'll turn Nezuko back to a human together and then we'll get married! It's a promise...actually it's nice to think there's something waiting for us after all this. I'm sure I can slay any demon and get really strong if that's my motivation," Zenitsu said.

"It is now that I think about it....," Tanjirou said, " I-uh-never really thought about marriage. I just wanted to take care of my family but I think I'd like to live a peaceful life after all this. Go back to my home, sometimes I think it'd be hard to stay there with all the memories, but another part of me would never want to leave that part of my life behind"

"Then don't!," Zenitsu insisted, " you lived in the countryside right? I mostly lived in the city, but if it makes you feel better, let's live out there. Nezuko too of course! You deserve to have your family close"

"You'd do that for me?," Tanjirou asked.

"Without a second thought," he nodded.

Zenitsu wiggled around in his bed the stirrings of an intense giddiness ripping through him. This was really happening, Tanjirou had somewhat accepted him! He'd been rejected so many times, yet someone as wonderful as Tanjirou was open to him. Zenitsu could explode, dying happy right then.

"Ah it wouldn't be so bad anyways. Gramps lived in the mountainside, I missed a lot of the more modern things, but that's alright. If it's for our family I'll be more than happy to help hunt, or I can chop wood really good! And I'll make the walk to town when we need supplies....it'll be great. How would you want the ceremony? Ah.....that's a bit too forward, I'm sorry"

"N-no, it's fine it might be nice, you know to think about," Tanjirou said the lightest hint of a blush on his cheeks, " I never gave much thought to a type of ceremony though..."

"That's okay, like you said we have more than enough time to plan. Gramps is super traditional, I think he'd love for it to be more in line with that. He's the one who trained me by the way, ah you'll have to meet him, I'm sure he'd approve of you in a heartbeat"

"I'd make the best impression I could. He's the one who trained you? I wonder...would Urokodaki-san want to come as well?"

"Oh that's one of the old Water pillars right? He trained you? I'm sure he'd want to come and of course we'd save him a spot!...Hey Tanjirou?"

"Hm?"

"I always think a wedding should be decided by both parties and I'd want to make it the best day of your life, but could I make just one selfish request?"

Tanjirou nodded most likely ready to agree to nearly anything Zenitsu wished.

"For a venue, could it be under wisteria trees?," he asked.

"If that's what you want...but is there a reason?," Tanjirou questioned back.

"It probably sounds stupid, but ever since we passed the final selection I always felt safe in the wisteria. No demon can bother us as long as they're around and I just thought maybe it'd bring our union good luck. Ahh I'm sounding silly aren't I? Please don't think I'm weird, all I want is to make everything perfect"

"You aren't weird, I understand, " Tanjirou said a soft smile growing along his lips, " under the wisteria trees it is then"

They talked for hours planning their imaginary wedding like a beacon of hope to get through the dreary times ahead. Even as the dream began to fade out Zenitsu held out wanting to hear just one more suggestion fall from Tanjirou's lips.

When Zenitsu did awake, tears of longing were already dripping from his eyes.

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That last dream had been the straw that broke the camel's back. Zenitsu couldn't do it anymore, he just couldn't.

It was the moment he had to concede that these dreams weren't as imaginative as he'd led himself to believe. He'd dreamt up people who felt so real that when he saw them his heart squeezed with longing. The unwavering feeling of 'home' that followed him as he explored the dream world with those same people was much stronger than any attachment he felt in the real world. And as far as he was concerned, dream Tanjirou was the real Tanjirou. The right one, he should say. 

That Tanjirou didn't despise him, he loved him. They loved each other, Zenitsu had begged him to marry him if only to offer them both a goal to work towards in their crazy monster infested world. Something about it felt so right, and everytime he thought of the Tanjirou in the real world it seemed little more than a flimsy mask. One that had come off only once when he'd protected Zenitsu that one afternoon.

The redhead had held him close, checked for wounds with gentle warm hands. He'd called him Zen. Like a snap, it was gone and the days went by like normal with Tanjirou putting as much distance as possible which widened by the days.

Between Zenitsu's crazed musing, one theory stuck in the back of his mind. The old myth Gramps would tell him as a child. Of reincarnation, soul mates....

dreaming of your past life.

Because no matter how Zenitsu looked at it, that was the only one that fit. Why would his dreams always take place in the same era, the same clothes, the same people. He was forced to rethink his nightmares. If this was really a past life, did that mean he'd stupidly died over and over reliving the same life. Or maybe...

Or maybe, he had never really died in those dreams either.

After all he'd lived through the shifting house right? He assumed he and the child with him perished after darkness had overtaken him, yet he'd dreamed of afterwards crying against the child's leg while Tanjirou had to pry him off before carrying him. Both still breathing, both alive. 

If he were going on that logic, were he and Tanjirou-was it possible- they were soul mates? If everything went like his dream suggested, they would have ended up together in their past life wouldn't they? Zenitsu’s chest constricted thinking about the moment their past selves would've been victorious over the demons and they could finally, finally relish in their feelings. And if that was true then, their meeting in this life must mean they were still connected by something.

It had to be fate. One that Zenitsu was tired letting slip through his hands.

That day it was decided. Tanjirou could evade him all he wanted, but Zenitsu was going to find him. Which is how he found himself marching up the stairs of the school rooftops bento in hand.

He heard talk from the girls that Tanjirou had taken to having his lunches up there. Made sense why before even when he walked by the boy's classroom, the redhead was nowhere to be spotted during lunch. He opened the door to the roof, suddenly being bathed in the sun's bright rays. Enough to make his eyes squint, but as he walked forward a single figure could be made out leaning against the fencing. It was Tanjirou of course, exuding a certain laxness he'd never witnessed with himself or when the redhead was around other students

He almost didn't want to interrupt, though eventually he had to clear his throat to make his presence known. At first Tanjirou didn't react, maybe too lost in his mind. Then Zenitsu noticed the crinkle of his nose as he sniffed the air and then frantically turned around with wide eyes landing on the blonde. 

'That sort of reaction...don't tell me I really do smell?' Zenitsu wondered.

He brought the arm of his sleeve up to sniff while Tanjirou masked his surprise with his usual indifference.

"I didn't know you ate up here," Tanjirou said eyes on the bento," sorry, I'll be going then"

Oh no, Zenitsu smirked to himself. He wasn't having any of that today. His frame stood squarely against the door with his back pressed against it. The only door back to the school, Zenitsu had noted before he came up. Tanjirou wasn't getting out of this one even if he had to turn into an immovable statue.

"No need, I don't mind eating together," Zenitsu said.

Tanjirou sighed. He could already tell Zenitsu wasn't going to let him through without a fight. He turned back to the overlooking fence. When he deemed it safe, Zenitsu joined Tanjirou instead of guarding the door like a barrier. Zenitsu had to admit, the overlook from the rooftop was plenty beautiful. You could nearly make out the whole town from it's many shops, to office buildings and even small parks and roads. Tanjirou, however, wasn't looking at the whole scenery, as his red eyes were pointed in only one place.

"Something caught your eye?," Zenitsu asked.

"....The wisteria trees," he said honestly.

Of course it was honest, Tanjirou couldn't lie. Or at least that's what his brain decided to spew out today.

"Wisteria trees?," Zenitsu repeated.

"They're very beautiful this time around," Tanjirou said," I didn't know there was a park for them until I started having my lunches up here"

"Woahh I really can see the park from here. You have good taste, I love wisteria trees too!"

"Oh?"

"They make me feel safe, you know comforting in a way"

Tanjirou always had a bad time masking his emotions, maybe that's why his face bulged with unbridled surprise at his words. The redhead didn't say anything else, his tongue poking out to lap sooth against his bottom lip.

"I...should really be going, have a good lunch senpai," Tanjirou said.

He never got a chance to make it more than a few feet before Zenitsu clasped his hand and held tightly to make sure he couldn't get away.

"Why are you in such a rush to leave?," Zenitsu asked.

"I don't want to be late to class," Tanjirou's face puckered in a painful manner. Zenitsu wasn't even sure why the redhead even attempted such a blatant lie.

"First years still have fifteen minutes," he said.

"Then haven't you realized I just don't want to be around you?!"

Zenitsu faltered at the yell, an opening for Tanjirou to rip his hand away from his grasp. The way he'd said it was easier than his last assertion leading Zenitsu to believe it wasn't a complete lie, yet there were still glimmers of attempted deception. Still, the words stung and stuck in Zenitsu's mind like a bad recording. The redhead turned to march off again.

"Y-you had nightmares right!?," he yelled after stopping the Tanjirou in his tracks.

"How did you know about that?," the question lingered in the air.

"Nezuko told me....I just need to know what they were about b-because I-I have them too!," Zenitsu squeezed out through his choked voice.

Tanjirou was back on him in an instant. The height difference was only a few meer centimeters, yet in that moment it felt as though Tanjirou were a towering giant with how his eyes took him in. Zenitsu shuddered under the weight of it all.

"You have what? Nightmares?," Tanjirou questioned, to which Zenitsu nodded weakly.

"Almost every night, it's all the same. I'm a hunter of some kind, I carry a sword no matter how much the thought of using it makes my legs shake and night after night I fight monsters," he said.

" Demons ," Tanjirou corrected.

Demon. The word fit so well, overwriting his previous title of 'monster' like that was always how it was meant to be.

"How did you-"

"Zen, tell me," Tanjirou's voice spoke low and gently to him," all those monsters you dream about. Have I shown up as one of them yet?"

"What? What are you talking about?," Zenitsu said.

Half lidded eyes and apologetic smile awaited him as Tanjirou pulled away, his confused reaction the only answer he needed. 

"No, wait-don't leave," Zenitsu plunged his hand out to catch onto anything.

Tanjirou only swatted his hand away.

"There's no choice, I have to go," Tanjirou said.

And with that, the redhead left him on the roof standing dumbly against the fencing. No matter what he cried out to Tanjirou's retreating form, he never once looked back. And that hurt more than any death had ever.

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Tanjirou's rejection burned like a scalding fire that couldn't be put out no matter how much it hurt Zenitsu. Confused, dazed, most times alone, if Zenitsu wasn't at school he was curled up in his bed hovering on the axis and sleep and reality. At this point he didn't know which one he wanted. What he really wanted was for the dream world's Tanjirou to appear. That Tanjirou would never hurt him, make him feel so wretched. That Tanjirou would hold him in his arms, let Zenitsu nuzzle up to him and plant kisses on his forehead if he were lucky.

That Tanjirou would love him.

Zenitsu muffled a low scream pressing his face against a pillow. He despised his dreams. How dare they give him hope only to crush it into crystalline pieces before his eyes. Why did Gramps ever tell him that stupid story!? He desperately wanted to scrub his mind of everyone of them.

"I hate him, I h-hi-hate him," Zenitsu hiccuped against the dampening pillow.

The worst part of it all was that it had been a lie.

Because the only thing Zenitsu hated was the fact no matter what Tanjirou still made his heart beat in rejoice and his cheeks blush a cherry hue. 

 To top it off the nightmares came back, but they were new, different. Zenitsu wasn't sure if that made them worse or better. 

In the dream where he was struck by lighting all went as usual. He’d cry then as Jigoro yelled something to him, the bright flash would rain upon him and then nothing, darkness. However, instead of waking up his eyes opened to the dream world again with the dream Jigoro looking down at him. His body hurt all over as he stared blankly at the sky now littered with clouds and the tree he'd fallen from now a burnt husk without leaves. 

'I'm alive' he thought ' I'm really alive'

The night he had to face the monstrous spider was much the same. Falling from the tree which he assumed to be his death, until again he woke up to the light of the moon shining upon him his body beaten and bruised as he laid limply against a wooden house. He had to focus any extra energy on breathing for the poison running through his veins. That's right, he'd been poisoned by the monster- no demon .

With the woman too, he'd be thrown to the wayside, but then wake up to an indescribable pain in his legs that made it impossible to move. Had he broken them!? That frightening thought was diluted when he was reunited with his friends with the news that they'd won their battle against the demon. Upper moon sixth his mind provided despite the fact Zenitsu wasn't sure what that really meant. Stiil, they cried and cheered their broken bodies leaning against one another for support. Tanjirou let him cry into his chest.

Then, as he'd adjusted to the new scenarios, a new nightmare came.

It felt so removed from anything he'd dreamt before as he stalked through the halls of an odd estate- castle -something of the sort. He had no idea where he was going, but his dream self was on a mission each step leaving behind a forceful boom in it's wake. He stopped in one room as a heartbeat filled his ears. One that sounded familiar, yet not at the same time.

“Come out, I know you’re there,” he said.

A sharped nailed hand finger by finger curved around one of the sliding doors, a tight fear gripped Zenitsu’s heart as the slide of the door opening filled his ears with a sound akin to dread.

From the darkness stepped a new monster, but one with the face of someone he knew too well.

“Long time no see, Zenitsu”

Kaigaku’s skin was a muted gray with strange markings that adorned his cheeks. His ears pointed upwards, eyes dyed black with strangely fluorescent blue eyes that held the kanji for six within them.

Zenitsu would have been sick if not for a force holding him in place.

Please , don’t let him dream through a world where he died at Kaigaku’s hands. His heart would shatter, his mind too fragile.

The room sped up scenes and conversation popping in and out.

“Gramps killed himself because of you!”

Zenitsu wanted to lock himself in a ball and scream. No, no, not Gramps. He was the only one who ever died in these dreams, why was then Gramps brought into this? The kind man who was the only family he ever knew, please someone wake him up.

What’s worse, Kaigaku didn’t care. He’d laughed at his dream self’s screams. He happily swung his blade around aiming to kill him where he stood. Black crackles of electricity seared Zenitsu’s skin, breaking it open in a cascade of branching marks. He thought it’d be thankfully over when Kaigaku pushed him out into an empty space with no end in sight.

He was content to die there, ready for this true nightmare to end. The him of his dreams however found new conviction in the throws of Kaigaku’s sniding remarks.

He pushed himself against a spare wall, gathering all the energy in his breath to surge back up. All he felt for seconds was the rush of air against his face as Kaigaku’s twisted form came closer into view. In the last seconds, Zenitsu realized too late what would happen. 

Kaigaku wouldn’t kill him here, he would kill Kaigaku .

The twisted form in front of him was obviously a monster, there was no mistaking that, yet Zenitsu still clawed and screamed inside his head for Kaigaku to run away, live. Don’t take his brother from him!

Those choked prayers fell on deaf ears as he easily ripped through Kaigaku’s head and together they fell, Zenitsu watching tearfully as the last remnants of his brother withered away.

‘I’m sorry Aniki’ he thought, still falling through the endless maze.

He wondered perhaps this would be his true death, in this messed up world as his eyes shut.

He woke up in bed, sheets soaked with sweat and tears and his heart beating a mile a minute. He threw his covers off and raced down the halls like his life depended on it, out of breath by the time he reached his destination. Which happened to be Kaigaku’s room whose door loomed over him as if daring to take a peek inside.

He’d never been so thankful that Kaigaku was liberal with locking his door, as it opened without a fuss. Each step he took inside was carefully curated as to not wake the beast with the loud creaky planks. A sense of relief filled him when he’d reached the bed, looking down at Kaigaku’s snoring form.

His brother was there.

His brother was human.

His brother was alive.

Tears muddled his vision as he whined to stave off a break down right then and there. The small commotion did not make it past his light weight of a brother however.

 “The hell you doing?,” Kaigaku mumbled one eye poking open.

“I-I-I,” Zenitsu mumbled like a stuttering record.

“Nightmare again?,” Kaigaku said.

Zenitsu pathetically nodded his head. Kaigaku only sighed, closing both his eyes once again.

“You can’t just run into my room like a kid you know? You’re not eight anymore,” he said, referring to the time when they shared a bed when Zenitsu got too scared to sleep on his own.

“I know,” Zenitsu said.

Despite what either had said, Kaigaku still moved over and twisted his form so his back was to Zenitsu while the blonde quickly took the room provided for him, turning his back to his brother as well.

“Want to talk about it?,” his brother asked after some time of silence.

“Mm mm,” Zenitsu shook remembering that horrid face,”....but can I ask you something?”

Kaigaku’s silence came as an approval.

“That story Gramps told us when we were little, about soulmates and dreaming about your past life, what do you think, about it I mean,” Zenitsu asked.

“That it’s a load of horseshit,” Kaigaku answered right after.

Zenitsu’s spark dimmed, wanting to take back the question until Kaigaku spoke again.

“I mean that part about soulmates, who the fuck came up with the idea that only two people were allowed to meet again. If past lives are true, don’t you think there’d be more people you’d rather meet than just some stupid fated person? What happens when there’s people you need to make amends with huh?”

“You thought through this a lot?....if they were real, past lives I mean, what do you think you were like”

“One word, asshole . Probably one that could never be happy no matter how many good things came his way. Doing all this shit to stay alive thinking he’d get the last laugh when all he did do was get himself killed quicker”

At a certain point, Zenitsu knew this stopped being a hypothetical as Kaigaku droned on with too much detail. Way too much detail for someone who didn’t make a habit of believing in fairytales.

“Why do you think your past self would be that way?,” Zenitsu pulled the covers up to hide the lower half of his face.

“I don’t know….maybe he had a box of with a hole, no matter what happiness went in it all dribbled out,” Zenitsu’s breath hitched, but he didn’t know why.

“At least I fixed that shit, no hole anymore, fuck being a coward”

By all means, Kaigaku’s words made little sense to him, but it was something inside him that reacted. A happy warmth spread from his heart to his head and toes as he scrunched up savoring the new warmth.

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Naivety seemed to have become a new constant that refused to allow Zenitsu to leave it's grasp. He thought, no pleaded, that the last dream would be the worst. Nothing could top the sheer horror of watching as his body sped at godly speeds to lob Kaigaku's deformed head off it's shoulders. Seeing his dream brother's enraged face chip away piece by piece would haunt him for years to come.

But he was wrong, so tearfully wrong.

The next night's nightmare had to have picked up where the last left off. Somehow he hadn't died from the fall, now trudging along with a barely functioning body. His muscles screamed, every breath was a labored wheeze, tremors of shockwaves still passed him over making his body quiver. His bright haori was torn to tatters it's usual yellow dyed in a concerning red. He needed to stop, there was nothing left for his body to give. Yet, he continued on with embers of resilience the only thing keeping him standing.

Why, he wanted to cry, what could've possibly kept him going in the wrecked state he was in.

Then the dream became hazy, shifting forward, turning Zenitsu's head in a spinning mess. He was running now. Towards something, away from something? He had no clue, but he was yelling to someone.

'Tanjirou! Stay alive, you can't die, you just can't'

Tanjirou? He was yelling to him? No, Tanjirou shouldn't be in such a dangerous situation. Is that what he'd been running to with the last of his strength? It's out of the corner of his eye he saw it, fuzzy figures that slowly come into view. One was Tanjirou, the usual one of his dreams, worse for wear, a growth of grotesque cells on his face. If the barely beating heart wasn't picked up by his ears, Zenitsu really would have thought the boy dead. A thought that made his blood run cold. Then, looming over head a thing. Monster wasn't quite enough to describe it and even demon downplayed it's daunting appearance. Gnarled jagged teeth enveloping a body that dipped into deformed black legs and hair a pallor white that sagged around its body.

Muzan Kibutsuji, his dream self knew the name well.

That’s right. The one who caused all this terror and destruction. The one everyone had pledged their life to stop.

Then nothing, the dream shifted again right before Zenitsu's eyes. He was no longer running, his beaten body now pressed against the dirty ground. If he felt tired before, he was exhausted now. He could barely feel his legs and something told him if he did it would be nothing but searing pain. Actually, he could barely feel anything at all, his head a fuzzy mess that could barely string one thought along to the next. Bright red liquid passed his gaze, it took a moment to register as his blood that was flowing from him. How could he have gotten so injured? Was it that Muzan thing?

Someone please at least tell him that thing was dead.

The wind was knocked from his chest as strong hands pushed down against a tender spot on his body. His bleary eyes craned his neck up seeing a person dressed in a garb that covered their face. Of course he couldn't make out any mouth movements, but an incessant buzzing in his ear told him the person was speaking to him. Zenitsu hunkered down trying to make out the words.

"Get a hold of yourself! Stay with us, everything's over!," the person said.

Over? So they must have defeated that thing. Good, things could be quiet now right? He didn't have to fight anymore. They could rest. He could rest. Zenitsu's eyes were growing heavier by the second, the news of their victory making it oh so tempting to finally close them. If only Tanjirou was here, then everything would be perfect. Where was the redhead anyway? He couldn't make out any heartbeats between the person’s-the kakushi his mind whispered- yells and his own blood rushing in his ears.

"Tanjirou...," he choked out hoarsely.

"Huh?," the kakushi said.

"Someone please tell my husband Tanjirou that I love him," he said.

"Uhh I don't think he's your husband...."

"And that I was true to him till the very end," he continued on.

"Can you stop talking!? Conserve your energy," the kakushi said.

The Kakushi pulled tight on the wrappings he'd been working on though the pain was only a dull ache to Zenitsu's foggy brain. The guy seemed so sure he would pull through, but Zenitsu knew better. After so many flashes of what he thought were death, he knew something different had settled in his bones. A chilling exhaustion that he was barely fighting off as he worked for each breath in and out. 

Then a ruckus started up. Shouts cut through Zenitsu's muffled hearing and the first thought on his mind was who could possibly be making such a fuss when he was attempting to be at peace here!? And then a scream. One that held the most chilling words he'd never thought he'd have the despair of hearing.

"Tanjirou has turned into a demon! Keep him under the sun and burn him to death!"

No, Zenitsu thought, his dream self and his real self sharing that one singular word. No, not Tanjirou. That had to be a lie. Please let it be a lie. Zenitsu was pleading to the Gods. With a strength he didn't think possible to have left, Zenitsu heaved himself up even though the man helping him was screaming at him to get down. Hands were gripping him back, but Zenitsu could not be stopped as he stumbled on shaking legs to the clearing where he'd heard the shout.

And there it was. The truly worst monster his dream had conjured up yet.

Hunched over on the ground with one sleeve torn off, a thing wearing Tanjirou's face appeared. Beautifully kind ruby eyes he loved so much were distorted to a blood red the called for violence in his slitted pupils. Lips that should always have been smiling were pressed in snarl that showed off their new found fangs. A heartbeat so kind it made him cry was now a twisted entanglement of messy thumps that instead left Zenitsu frozen with fear.

"This can't be real...," he whispered to himself, "....Tanjirou"

Then the monster was leaping towards something. Someone-Inosuke his mind realized much to his horror. The boar headed boy stood poised to slice through Tanjirou, yet he was frozen even as Giyuu screamed to stop the demon. If he didn't react soon, Tanjirou would kill him. No, Tanjirou would never lay a hand on their heads, it was the demon that took his form, Zenitsu reminded himself.

Rather than stand in fear and watch as two of the closest people to him were injured, Zenitsu's body lurched forward on it's own. He pushed himself from the Kakushi still feebly holding on to him and sprinted over on numb legs that protested with each bounce of heel against ground. 

"Tanjirou!," he screamed as a final push threw him into the foray.

Before Tanjirou could get any closer to Inosuke, he threw his arms around him and pulled the demon in close. The raging heartbeat was overpowering and it scared Zenitsu that up close he could hear the bloodlust and rage pooling just beneath the surface. The demon leaned in closer in an attempt to break free of Zenitsu hold before giving in and biting down on the blonde instead. Zenitsu kept his face strong even when Tanjirou's new fangs clamped down against his shoulder. The pain was only minimal, though that was more frightening than the hurt because if Zenitsu's feelings were fading like this how long did he really have to last? 

'Please anyone listening, let me hang on long enough to help Tanji, then you can do whatever you want, just please for him' he pleaded.

Another person came behind, grasping onto Tanjirou's back while Zenitsu failed to keep purchase of the front. It's soft beating heart was Nezuko who cried Tanjirou's name and pleaded for him to stop as well. Zenitsu's heart pounded in worry for the girl despite being in the same position as she. Then Inosuke came in, hitting Tanjirou over the head in an attempt to bring him back to himself.

For a moment the redhead stilled and Zenitsu found a glimmer of hope that they somehow might have calmed him down. Then the demon roared a shockwave ripping through that pushed everyone except Zenitsu off him tumbling to the ground with a cold thud.

‘ Nezuko! Inosuke!’ his mind screamed to his fallen friends.

He panicked, uncertain of what to do besides keep holding onto Tanjirou as much as possible. Tendrils had burst from the demons back withering around them ready to strike anyone who dared to get too close.

“That’s enough! Tanjirou stop!,” he screamed holding his hand up to the demon’s face.

A wrong move on his part as Tanjirou released another wave that sent a scalding burn to engulf the arm. It withered away just as quickly as it came, but it left his skin red burned nearly raw and so hot Zenitsu could only feel prickles of cold ice.

That’s when his vision started to fade, Zenitsu was losing himself and he knew it. No, not yet. He continued to push through with his last bits of strength for a miracle.

Everyone was down, there was no one realistically who could go toe to toe with Tanjirou like this. And yet, from behind he could hear footsteps approaching. A heartbeat as light as the flap of a butterfly’s wings. Kanao. Zenitsu didn’t know what she was planning, but her pace was picking up, barreling right towards them. Zenitsu prayed whatever she planned would be the saving grace they all needed.

With his good arm, Zenitsu reached up to Tanjirou’s face to gingerly cup his cheek beneath his hand.

“Tanji please come back to us. There’s so much you have to do, Nezuko’s waiting for you. Remember you said you’d go home with her to the countryside? A nice peaceful life like you deserve. Please don’t throw that away,” he whimpered.

Tanjirou only snarled and growled though his threats meant nothing, when Zenitsu was so close to a brink that no one could come back from. He brought his face in close to the demon’s never heeding that sharp fangs as he honed into that vicious heartbeat. Still savage and wild, but underneath he could still hear the sweet sound that made Tanjirou, Tanjirou.

“Tell me you’re here Tanji, tell me you’re with me,” he said.

His voice was no better than a whisper that threatened to expire too soon from it’s breathy quality. Kanao’s footsteps pounded close to them now and Zenitsu took the only chance he could think of. Holding onto Tanjirou’s face, he brought their lips together, his soft ones hitting against the chapped one whose edges of fangs threatened to cut. It wasn’t what he’d ever wanted out of a kiss from Tanjirou, this was rough and messy with his own blood coating Tanjirou’s stained teeth, but it was enough to make the demon stir and still. 

In that moment, Kanao leapt over them weaving against the sharp tendrils. Zenitsu heard the pop of something stabbing into Tanjirou and the running of liquid. 

‘An antidote, thank you thank you’ 

He pulled away from Tanjirou, allowing his exhausted body to go limp. His arm dropped down from it’s hold as well leaving Zenitsu to sag uselessly against the ground. Ah, the black spots were dancing across his vision now. It was useless to fight, however he was relieved to see Tanjirou’s dangerous eyes clearing up to the beautiful red ones he loved so much. 

When his vision finally went, all he had left were his ears. He leaned on them to listen to the precious heartbeats of the ones he cared about the most. Kanao was fine, despite her labored breathing insinuating she hadn’t come out completely unscathed. Inosuke and Nezuko’s hearts were still beating in sync as they recovered from their falls. 

And Tanjirou. The poisonous sound of the demon was receding and for one last time, he drowned in the kindest heartbeat he’d ever heard. He relaxed letting it fill his ears like cotton as he felt his body go numb bit by bit. 

Unlike the other dreams, he knew this was it for him. He was dying. Succumbing to the numerous injuries he’d sustained.

And unlike the other dreams where nothing, but fear plagued him, Zenitsu felt at peace. He waited for the last embers to blow out as his hearing also dimmed. Soon the sounds he’d held onto were just a distant echo that Zenitsu had long strayed away from.

‘I love you Tanjirou, please take care of Inosuke and Nezuko, please live a happy life for me. Don’t worry about me when you wake up, I won’t be alone there’s people waiting for me across that bridge. You’ll get there one day too, when you’re an old man retiring from that peaceful life and I’ll be happy to meet you again’

As gentle as his true death was, Zenitsu awoke in his bed equally as quiet and somber. He sat up from the mattress with two sets of truths.

The first, his name was Zenitsu Agatsuma second year at Kimetsu Academy adopted by a dojo master named Jigoro Kuwajima

The second, his name was Zenitsu Agatsuma, demon slayer and the last disciple of Jigoro Kuwajima, a Breath of Thunder user who’d sworn his life to defeat demons.

Yet now both those truths were one with just one goal in mind.

Find Kamado Tanjirou and whack some sense right into that thick skull of his.

💮 🌸 💮 🌸 💮 🌸 💮 🌸 💮  

“Kaigaku! Kai!,” Zenitsu ran around the house like a complete madman. 

He was throwing on clothes left and right for something decent to wear when Kaigaku came out of the kitchen coffee in hand and scowl on his face.

“We both know it is way too fucking early for you to put your voice to work that hard,” he groaned.

“I need you to drive me somewhere!,” Zenitsu said.

“Urgh can’t it wait? Like till after the crack of dawn”

“No!”

“Think again, I’m not going anywhere”

Kaigaku drank down his coffee while it was Zenitsu’s turn to groan in frustration. Readying himself, he prepared to say a name he hadn't had since long before into their past life, one he retired after Kaigaku had become a demon.

“This is important please…. Aniki! ,” he yelled.

Kaigaku’s mouth dropped open and the coffee cup in his hand threatened to drop entirely. He had to have gotten the point at least.

“ Fuck ...you really..”

“Not now, it’s important I need to be somewhere”

No one could say Kaigaku didn’t put his ass into gear when it came to time sensitive issues. In minutes flat he’d ushered them into his beaten down car (himself still dressed in pajamas with not a care in the world to be seen). On the way, he’d sort of explained the situation. Mostly that he was in desperate need to find Tanjirou at the moment.

“Okay but, do you even know where this kid is?,” Kaigaku asked, pulling out of their driveway.

“No? It’s not like I know where he lives...but I don’t think he’s at home anyway,” Zenitsu said.

“Well someone has to start giving directions, we can’t be driving in circles,” Kaigaku urged.

Zenitsu laid his head against the cool window, thunking it against the cool glass to  jog something, anything.

‘Where would he go if he wanted to be alone, somewhere peaceful? Has to be safe….’

Zenitsu snapped his head up with an abrupt realization.

“The wisteria tree park, that’s where he is,” Zenitsu said.

He knew it, a boiling beneath his blood that wanted nothing more than to be with Tanjirou told him so.

For once, Kaigaku’s recklessly fast driving wasn’t a bad thing. Zenitsu even welcomed it as they raced through the rather empty streets and slammed through risky yellow lights. It was all worth it when Kaigaku stopped in front of the purple wisteria trees, their beautiful petals all cascading against one another to make a thin curtain of  privacy for the park’s inner circle.

He leapt out of the door, not bothering to slam it shut while he raced into the thin wisteria vines. He ran out of the otherside into the middle where many benches sat for the best views. One of which was occupied by no other than Tanjirou, a serene look on the otherwise young face while he stared off in the distance.

“Tanji!,” he called out to him.

Tanjirou’s shoulders tensed, peeking behind him to meet Zenitsu. He couldn’t bring himself to keep eye contact for more than a few seconds before his face leaned down to watch the individual petals of wisteria that mingled along the ground.

An anger deep within the blonde raised it’s hackles at this.

"What's the point of being my fiance, if you won't even look at me!," Zenitsu screamed.

Tanjirou's red eyes blew wide, before the expression soured. His gaze lowered more and his body mechanically shifted so he faced away from Zenitsu. Only his back greeted the blonde now with the ends of his hair gently stirring in the wind.

"If you remember, then you really have no reason to be here," Tanjirou said softly.

That soft tone that usually made Zenitsu's heart race, only served to piss him off now. Teeth ground against one another as Zenitsu felt his muscles twitch and tense up. If Tanjirou really thought his blase attitude would send him off like a leaf in the wind, the hard headed idiot had another thing coming.

He sucked in a breath, not realizing he, on reflex, internalized the new oxygen flowing through his body guiding it to his legs. The muscles in his legs flared, as his exhale exuded a low hiss. Forcing all the power to his legs, he pushed off the ground leaving a bout of dust in his wake. It was just like in his dreams, his body flying through the air aimed right for his target. Of course instead of slicing through an enemy, he's throwing himself into Tanjirou's back wrapping his arms around them as they both go tumbling to the ground.

They rolled on the hard ground landing with Zenitsu hovering over the top of Tanjirou. The redhead looked so young staring up at him with wide surprised eyes and mouth circled in a thin 'o' shape. It was just enough to distract Zenitsu from the new ache stirring in his legs.

'Good' Zenitsu thought 'keep those eyes on me you stupid forehead'

"Don't...," Zenitsu hissed," no reason to be here!? You're crazy, you've lost it, do you really have all your memories!?"

Tanjirou's face contorted, offense a lone scream from his heart.

"Of course I do!," he bit back.

"Obviously not, if you’re toting around that sort of shitty reasoning!," Zenitsu yelled," why would I ever stay away from you-"

"Because of me you died!," Tanjirou's own yell cut him off.

It was more like a scream laced with an awful agony that had fresh tears welling up in Zenitsu's eyes. Tanjirou's heartbeat surronded him, though it wasn't comforting or warm, only a broken tune. A hollow shell of it's usual beat. Tanjirou threw his arm over his face, hiding it from Zenitsu, from the world. For a moment all that was exchanged between them were deep breaths and spotty sniffles.

"I killed you," Tanjirou's choked voice said.

Zenitsu's heart crumbled away like dust to wind. Tanjirou was the first son, the one to bear the Kamado name on his shoulders as he always said. His talk was always backed up through his sincere actions and stupidly brave face that made him seem so much more mature than Zenitsu ever hoped to be.

But right now?

Right now, all Zenitsu saw was a scared boy wanting so desperately to repent for something he'd been holding squarely on his shoulders for decades. Gently, Zenitsu used one hand to pry Tanjirou's arm away from his face. Honey eyes met tired red ones with striking tears that were already cascading down Tanjirou's cheeks. 

This wasn't right, Zenitsu frowned. This wasn't right at all. 

"Is that..what this is all about? That's what you really think happened?," Zenitsu said.

"I don't think Zen, I know. Don't try to make me feel better. When I was that thing, I couldn't control myself, but a bit of the human me was still there. It was only here and there like I was sleeping in a patch, though I could tell what was going on. I know I needed to stop myself, but I couldn't. And then you-you threw yourself at me," more tears fell from Tanjirou's eyes.

"You couldn't hear me, but I was screaming at you to go. I wanted you to be safe, so why didn't you leave me, why!?"

Tanjirou's last yell was sent echoing through the empty park. The redhead recoiled slumping further against the ground when wet plops hit his face. Zenitsu saw them, tiny see through pearls that dropped from his eyes onto Tanjirou's surprised face. 

Tears, he was crying. Some things just didn't change, no matter how many lives you lived didn't they?

He didn't bother wiping them away, allowing them to fester and fall to their heart's content while his hands moved from the ground to cup Tanjirou's face between them. 

"Why? Because you're my friend, one of the most important people to me. Out of everyone you deserved a chance at a good life after the hell we went through, I couldn't let anything happen to you. I said I'd get stronger to protect you didn't I? Because you're the person I love the most," he said.

Tanjirou's face only broke down further. His lips trembled and his eyes shut as if attempting to hold back the flood of tears that no doubt were forming. Zenitsu's hands were gentle, yet firm, keeping the redhead in place no matter how much he twisted and turned to hide his face.

"Don't hold it in Tanji, I'm here now. Let it out," Zenitsu said.

"You don't understand how hard it was! Y-you don't-everything got dark. I woke up with everyone surrounding me. Nezuko, Inosuke, Giyuu a-and the first question I had was where you were. And no one said a thing! Not even Inosuke! Then I turned my head and there-there you were lying on the ground," Tanjirou's voice shook with each passing word," and I called to you! I called your name over and over and you never responded. You just ke-kept your eyes closed but you weren't sleeping, even when the Kakushi were putting a sheet over your body, Zen why. I never wanted to lose another person close to me ever again. B-but with you, I did that . You say you love me, How could I do that to you"

Wobbly lips looked like they'd continue on while Zenitsu did take the initiative to flick him right in right in his stupidly strong forehead.

"Don't ever talk like that again. You didn't do anything to me, that demon's the one who hurt me and that was more so my own fault," he said.

" I was the demon! I already told you I was still there, faintly but there," Tanjirou said.

"I know you were in there, I could hear it and you know what, you did make a difference Tanji," Tanjirou shook his head in disagreement," think it through would you? You were a newly turned demon, you were so hungry and barely hanging on, you bit my shoulder"

Zenitsu's words sent Tanjirou into another flurry of heartache, his dissonant heartbeat getting worse while the blame he put himself through was likely also growing at alarming rates.

"And all through that you never took the chance to kill me right then and there," Zenitsu said.

Tanjirou's shaking body paused, wide eyes puffy from crying looking to him in confusion.

"I was holding onto you, bleeding. You'd already tasted my blood and yet...and yet you never harmed me again. You could've dropped me to the ground, but you didn't. When my arm got hurt that was me putting myself in harm's way. I was easy prey that it could’ve slaughtered at any second. So don't you dare sit there and tell me you let anything happen to me," he said ending in a soft tone.

"To be honest Tanjirou, I didn't have much left. I'd already lost so much blood. I felt myself going, but when I saw what had happened to you there was no way I could rest in peace! I pleaded so I could stay as long as I could. My body was so pushed past it's limits. Please believe me," Zenitsu said.

Tanjirou slowly shook his head from side to side his jawline trembling to keep himself together. Zenitsu wondered if that tidbit of information made things worse or better. How did it make Tanjirou feel knowing no matter what he did or didn't do Zenitsu would have most likely still perished? That his fate was another one of those losses he couldn't change?

Strong arms encircled Zenitsu's waste, as Tanjirou's upper buddy surged forward. Before the blonde knew it, he was enveloped in Tanjirou's arms that refused to let him so much as move. He melted into the embrace, gently wrapping his arms around Tanjirou as well. There was no heed given the dampening spot on his shoulders where Tanjirou's eyes laid.

"Then I should have been stronger! That way you wouldn't have had to push yourself so much!," Tanjirou cried.

"....You can't protect everyone Tanjirou," Zenitsu said.

"Why!? Why couldn’t I just keep everyone I love safe!?"

"Why is it you always protecting people, why not let us protect you instead?"

Tanjirou sniffled against his shoulder. Zenitsu allowed him to take all the time he needed before the redhead eventually eased away. Tanjirou rested against his face instead, their tears mingling against their cheeks.

"When I saw you again, I was s-so happy Zen. Outside my family, I'd hadn't met anyone from our past. Out of everyone, I didn't expect you to be there at the gate. I thought I was imagining it at first, that peach scent you have," he said.

"So I don't smell bad?," Zenitsu innocently asked with a small blush.

" You , smell bad? No never, you smell wonderful, like fresh peaches," Tanjirou said," I didn't want to get my hopes up from smell alone, but then I saw your hair and I couldn't breathe"

"....And then when you found out I didn't have my memories yet"

"It...hurt, you were so close after so long but so far away. And then I thought...maybe, maybe it'd be better if you didn't have memories"

"So you stayed away from me?"

"I thought it would be possible you'd remember more if you were around me. I wanted to be there for you, once I saw you I never wanted to leave your side, but I didn't know what to do. If you did get your memories back you'd be in pain, you shouldn't have to carry that burden....and then if you remembered how you died...I couldn't....I would never be able to bring myself to see you hate me when you found out, look at me differently, even though I deserve it," Tanjirou said.

“I would never, ever, hate you Tanji. Never tell me you deserve me to either. We were given another chance don’t you see? No demons, no fighting, we can live life the way we always wanted. I don’t want to waste that”

“Are you sure? You really still want to spend your life with me?,” Tanjirou asked.

Zenitsu smiled leaving Tanjirou’s face to hold hands instead. He brought those same hard working hands to his face, kissing the top.

“Remember after the mission on Natagumo? When I asked you to marry me, what did you say?”

“After we turned Nezuko back, we could think about it”

“Ahem, I think you’re exact words were when all was said and done and I decided I still wanted you, you’d gladly accept”

“Zen,” Tanjirou’s eyes shone like rubies thanks to the rays of sun peeking in between the wisteria.

“Well then, Kamado Tanjirou, it took a lot longer than I expected and I’m not really prepared. There’s no ring-but I promise to make it up to you later! But for right now, would you accept this? Please marry me, I promise to make you happy in this life, our next life, and the life after that if you’ll allow it,” Zenitsu said.

Zenitsu held Tanjirou’s hands, rubbing over the rough calluses as he waited for an answer. Tanjirou shook doing everything he could to piece himself back together enough for a coherent thought.

“Yes,” Tanjirou said in his hoarse breath.

“Yes?,” Zenitsu’s smile grew.

“Yes! That life we talked about, in the countryside having quiet days with each other. That’s what I want with you!”

“I want that too, let’s finally make it a reality you and I”

The wind picked up throwing the wisteria petals into an elegant dance around the air landing like lithe snowflakes around the two. For a moment, the world seemed to shift once more for Zenitsu where the smiling Tanjirou before him was bathed in a bright light wearing a checkered haori that fluttered with the wind. Then he blinked and that Tanjirou disappeared leaving an equally as stunning one in its place.

Zenitsu thought in a way Gramp’s story was right, because no matter who they were in the past or what they’d be in the future Zenitsu would never stray far without Tanjirou following after hands intertwined forever.