Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Adam hated Nebraska. He hated his small town full of judgemental stares. He hated his school full of bullies and never enough money for the theater program. He hated that nobody ever left. All Adam wanted to do was leave and he didn’t care how. He had a list of dream jobs a mile long. Wildlife photographer, flight attendant, travel writer, actor. Adam was bored and tired of being the only brown gay kid in the entire state. Joining the military though, was not something Adam ever expected to do.

But when a recruiter from the Garrison came to his middle school, looking for fighter pilots, Adam knew he found his way out. He could leave Nebraska, do something meaningful . He lined up with the rest of his classmates to try out the simulator, unsurprisingly getting stuck at the end of the line. Most of them saw it as a cool video game, but Adam’s heart was in his throat. This was his chance.

He crashed within ten seconds.

“Please can I try again, Mr. … Holt?” Adam begged the man from the Garrison, looking at the sticky nametag the school provided to remember his name.

Mr. Holt nodded, a kind smile on his face. 

He lasted exactly twelve seconds this time. Adam could barely keep the tears from falling down his face. He turned to walk away, ducking his head to hide his glassy eyes. But a hand on his shoulder stopped him.

“You know, there are other jobs at the Garrison than just fighter pilot.”

Mr. Holt – no Lieutenant Holt, Adam learned – told him that he was a science officer. He was a microbiologist, studying ancient microscopic creatures found in ice. His wife was a botanist, studying how zero gravity affected crop yields. Adam hung on every word.

At the end of the conversation, Lieutenant Holt gave him a card with his number on it, telling him to ask him any questions about the Garrison’s application if he had any.

---------------------

Nearly a year later, Adam had all of his belongings packed into suitcases as he moved into the Garrison’s dorm. So far, Adam was excited, but not overly impressed. The squat cinder block buildings of the Garrison might as well be a Nebraska public school, and the flat desert land was not a huge improvement over the prairie. But hopefully everything else would be better. Adam hugged his parents goodbye and started unpacking his clothes. He was halfway through before his roommate got there.

His roommate was a lot bigger than Adam; over a head taller and nearly twice as broad. His light hair was buzzed and he had a hard, emotionless expression on his face. He looked like he actually belonged in the military.

“Hi! I’m Adam! Nice to meet you!” Adam stuck his hand out to shake and then cringed. Waaay to enthusiastic, Adam. And people our age don’t shake hands! What were you thinking?

The other boy just looked him up and down. “Don’t touch me, fag .”

Oh. So Arizona wasn’t better than Nebraska.

Things only went downhill from there with his roommate, whose name he learned was Brad. He blatantly ignored Adam’s requests to be quiet when he was studying, called him names, stole his food, hid or sometimes destroyed his homework. But Adam wasn’t exactly a stranger to things like that, so he put his head down and dealt with it.

On a more positive note, everything else was looking up. He really enjoyed his classes in the science track, especially chemistry. He talked to Lieutenant Holt (who had insisted Adam call him Sam. He said Adam was like family, plus his wife was also Lieutenant Holt, so that could get confusing) pretty frequently, even had dinner at his house sometimes. He became friends with Matt Holt, even though he was two years younger than Adam. Matt wanted to be a science officer like his dad, and the two bonded over Adam’s classes and Star Trek.

Outside of the Holts, Adam didn’t have too many friends at the Garrison. That wasn’t to say people weren’t friendly, they were. He would chat with people sitting next to him in his classes, and he always had a seat during meals, but Brad was scary. So people didn’t get too close to him, worried that they would be targeted by association. 

Adam was walking back from the Holt’s house one Friday night. It was his last day on campus before winter break. The only thing Adam missed from home were his parents, so he was ready to pack up his things and take the long bus ride home to see them. 

“Hey! Faggot!” It was Brad. Of course it was Brad. His roommate never called him his name, just a rotation of different slurs. It had been fairy or fruitcake recently, but it seemed like Brad was going back to the classics. Adam could at least appreciate the variety. He wondered in Brad spent his free time researching homophobic slurs. He certainly had an impressive library of them.

Adam put his head down and walked faster. Sometimes if he didn’t engage, it would be enough for Brad and his crew of thugs to just laugh at him. Apparently not tonight.

“Didn’t you hear me, faggot? Where were you tonight? Sucking that professor’s dick because he got your gay ass into the Garrison?” Brad stalked closer, his jeers growing louder. His friends walked half a step behind him, forming a wall between Adam and his dorm.

“What’s this you’ve got here?” One of them grabbed the tupperware Adam had been carrying out of his hands. Adam opened his mouth to protest; Colleen had packed him enough food to last both lunch and dinner tomorrow, so he wouldn’t half to eat crappy rest stop food. But Adam thought better of it. He weighed probably half of one of these guys and there were six of them. So he just watched as they ate his food, spilling half of it on the ground and laughing the whole time.

Adam grit his teeth as tears slid down his cheeks. He hoped Brad wouldn’t see them because it would only make it worse.

“What, are you crying ?” Brad sneered. So much for hoping . “Go home and cry to your good-for-nothing parents. Leave and never come back, you queer paki slut.”

Adam snapped. It was no different from the abuse he had suffered in the past, but he was done . Done with Brad and his stupid, racist, homophobic face. So he did something stupid. Adam punched him.

Or rather, Adam tried to punch Brad. Brad simply caught his arm and used it to throw him to the ground. Then Brad started punching. He got in two solid punches to Adam’s face and gut before Adam curled up, trying to protect himself from the onslaught. So Brad switched tactics and started kicking him. Adam tried to get up, but he was immediately pushed down again. Brad’s friends laughed at that. 

Stay down , his common sense was telling him. Stay down and they’ll get bored and leave . But Adam kept standing up, only to be shoved or punched to the ground again. He knew he had no chance, but anything was better than staying down, letting Brad win, breaking Adam’s ribs with his boots. His ears were ringing and he leaned over to spit out a mouthful of blood. But when he looked up, it wasn’t to Brad shoving him to the dirt again. In fact, the group was running away.

Adam knew he was not an intimidating sight. A scrawny fourteen year-old, arms the size of twigs, broken glasses hanging from an ear, bloody and bruised. So unless he miraculously transformed into the Incredible Hulk, they were not running from him. Adam turned and saw a boy his age, phone held out, chasing after them. When it was clear they were not coming back, the boy turned to him. Adam might not have been able to see clearly, missing his glasses and one eye swelling closed, but goddamn this guy was attractive. If Adam hadn’t known he was gay since he was approximately six, he sure would have known then.

“Are you ok? Come on, let's get you to the health center,” mystery guy said. “I’ve seen you around, Wazir, right?”

Attractive and he knew who Adam was? Even better. “Adam, yeah. And you?”

“Takashi Shirogane. But everyone just calls me Shiro.” Shiro walked slowly as Adam limped next to him, biting his lip and furrowing his eyebrows as he looked at Adam’s bleeding face. 

“Nice to meet you Shiro. And, uh, thanks I guess. For saving me back there.”

“Don’t thank me. I only did what any sane person would do. And listen, I got footage of them. You can see their faces. I can take it to the police. If you want me to.”

Adam turned to Shiro and smiled slowly. He was sure he looked deranged, blood painting his teeth red and a crazy look in his eyes. “Let’s get the bastards.”

Shiro smiled back.

Chapter Text

Adam was sitting on his dorm room floor, surrounded by a sea of notes for his physics exam. Milind was sitting across from him, working on a problem set and tapping his pencil against his textbook. Hawk was going through his own notes, occasionally picking up a sheet of Adam’s notes to compare. And Anne-Marie had given up, sprawled out with her textbook covering her face.

“If I just leave this here, do you think the formulas will just leak into my brain and I’ll magically know how to do physics?”

“Ah yes, osmosis,” Hawk chimed in. “But that probably only works for biology.”

“Nope, osmosis is only for water. You’re talking about diffusion,” Adam corrected with a shit-eating grin.

“Oh shut up, smartass,” Milind said, throwing his pencil at him. That was fair, Adam was being obnoxious. “But seriously guys, our midterm is tomorrow and I do not want to fail it.”

Adam groaned, but Milind was right. Most of the science track students wanted to be engineers, and they were the only four who didn’t. So none of them enjoyed or were particularly good at physics. They had all finally settled back into quiet studying when there was a loud groan from the corner of the room.

Adam looked over to the pile of blankets on the bed, which he knew hid his roommate. “You doing ok there, Shiro?”

“Please kill me,” came the muffled reply.

“I won’t need to if you don’t stop watching The Bachelor and start studying. Your exam tomorrow will kill you for me.”

“As long as I’m dead, I don’t really care how it happens. And this show is dumb, and I’m dumb. It’s a match made in heaven.”

Adam scoffed. He knew that Shiro would be up until four studying, he just needed to procrastinate and complain about it first. Was it the best method? Probably not. But he was top of his class so Adam knew he had no chance in fixing Shiro’s habits.

Being Shiro’s roommate was… an interesting experience, and not one he was expecting to have. Adam knew he was getting a new roommate after Brad was arrested and expelled and the rest of the group suspended due to Adam’s testimony and Shiro’s video. But Adam was shocked to find Shiro in his room when he returned in January. Apparently Shiro’s roommate had dropped out and with Brad gone the two moved in with each other. 

Plus now that Adam no longer roomed with the number one asshole at the Garrison, he started to actually have real friends. Although if Adam was being honest with himself, Shiro’s popularity might also have been a factor. He guessed that approximately half the reason Anne-Marie even came to Adam’s study group was because she heard Shiro was his roommate and wanted to meet the rising star of the pilot cadets. Adam had heard all the rumors and awed whispers surrounding his new roommate. Oh if they could only see him now, the mighty Shiro, covered in Cheeto dust and ranting that Derek totally gave the rose to the wrong girl.

---------------------

“Why did I let you talk me into this? I look so dumb!” Shiro called from the bathroom stall. 

“Hey, this is all your girlfriend’s fault! If you guys had listened to me, we would be doing Star Wars. But noooo it was too complicated.” Adam shoved one last bobby pin into his wig. There, perfect. He fucking loved halloween. It was the one time of year he could dress in drag and nobody would give him a second glance. He was wearing a pretty simple costume – orange turtleneck, red skirt, bobbed wig with bangs, and his glasses.

“But why did it have to be Scooby Doo ?” Shiro groaned as he exited the bathroom. Adam had to stifle a laugh. Shiro could not pull off being a blond, and the orange ascot was not doing him any favors.

“Looking great there, Fred.”

“Fuck off Adam. Or should I say Velma ?”

“Say what you want, but I really rock a mini skirt. You on the other hand… need some help. At least it’s better than the disaster that was last year’s Mario Kart costumes.” Adam moved over to Shiro and started shoving bobby pins into his scalp.

I’m so close I could kiss him . Adam froze as the thought struck him. It wasn’t the first time he had thought something similar. Shiro was attractive and Adam had working eyes. But this was the first time in over a year of friendship that it felt real. Serious. Dangerous.

Adam forced himself to keep pinning Shiro’s wig to his head. Can’t be looking too weird. Shiro was his best friend. And straight. And dating this girl named Izzy that Adam didn’t really even know. While it was a gay rite of passage to get a crush on a friend, Adam wasn’t going to let himself fall for his straight best friend.

So maybe this was just some weird, previously undiscovered kink for crappy halloween costumes. It’s just a passing phase. A minor crush. It’ll pass.

---------------------

It didn’t pass.

---------------------

Sam liked Adam, and once Adam started bringing Shiro to dinner with the Holts, he liked Shiro too. So when Shiro complained about the limited time third-year cadets got in the simulator, Sam may-or-may-not-have slipped them the officers’ password.

Which is how Adam ended up stuck in the pilot’s seat, trying desperately not to crash into the asteroids flying around him. Well, originally they had snuck in to give Shiro some extra practice, but after half an hour, Shiro had the truly terrible idea of letting Adam have a turn.

Adam may have hated flying, but Shiro was so excited about teaching him that he couldn’t say no.

“Relax your grip. White-knuckling it will cause you to over-correct,” Shiro instructed softly. Adam tried his best to relax, but immediately tensed back up and swerved aggressively when giant fucking rock flew at his face. How could Shiro do this? Why did he want to?

“Maybe… try singing a song. A happy one. To try to distract yourself. I did that as a kid when I was learning how to ride a bike.”

Adam thought for a moment, trying to come up with the right song. “I, I will be king. And you, you will be queen,” Adam sang, not tensing up quite as much when the next asteroid zoomed by.

“I say sing a happy song and this is what you come up with? It’s bittersweet, at best !” Shiro laughed.

“Hey, David Bowie is iconic! And you’re interrupting me.” Adam cleared his throat dramatically. “Though nothing will drive them away! We can beat them, just for one day.”

Adam was a worse singer than a pilot, but it made Shiro laugh. He got a little too into the song and didn’t react fast enough as a virtual asteroid crashed into his right wing, ending the simulation.

Adam turned to Shiro and was met with a blinding smile. His heart stopped a little. That smile was worth all of the piloting-induced stress in the world.

“That was great! You lasted a whole two minutes that time!” Shiro clapped Adam on the shoulder, shaking him out of his daze. “But maybe you should leave the flying to me.”

Every time after that though, when they snuck into the simulator, Shiro helped Adam with his piloting skills. Adam sang Heroes every time.

Chapter Text

“You’re going to break the chair sitting like that,” Shiro scolded. “I don’t need any more reasons for the librarians to hate me after the whole Josephine situation. And you destroying a chair will not help my case.”

Adam winced. That particular break-up had been loud and unfortunately in the middle of the quiet section of the library. He reluctantly swung his legs down from where they were resting on the back of the chair and picked his head up off the floor.

“That’s homophobic. Don’t you know gays are physically incapable of sitting in chairs?”

Shiro just rolled his eyes. “Do you want me to tell you where your mistake was? You’ve got five bonds to carbon, and even I know that’s wrong.”

Adam scrambled to a fully upright position and grabbed his lab report from his roommate. “Yes! Oh my god you’re right! And I am so so dumb. I take it back, you’re the only true ally.” Adam picked up the enormous eraser he always brought with him when he was doing orgo and set about fixing his mistake.

“Should I have done something differently?” Shiro muttered. Adam wasn’t entirely sure a) what Shiro was talking about or b) if he even meant to say it out loud. “With Josephine, I mean,” he clarified.

“Well, maybe you could have broken up with her literally anywhere else. But you weren’t in the wrong there. She was way too controlling and it wasn’t healthy for either of you to stay together.”

Shiro didn’t really look comforted by Adam’s words. In fact his eyebrows furrowed more and his lips pressed into a tighter line. “But what about everyone else?”

That gave Adam a bit of a pause. Josephine had ended messy, sure. But so had Tatiana, Sydney, Xandra, and Kate. Jospehine had been Shiro’s seventh girlfriend at the Garrison, and they were only halfway through their fourth year. Shiro had started getting a bit of a reputation as a womanizer, but he was so nice that it never really took hold. And Adam was Shiro’s roommate, so he knew Shiro wasn’t just using them for sex. Girls were just all crazy about Shiro so he was basically never single. And Adam could see why. He was beautiful and smart and talented and ambitious and funny and- No! Bad gay thoughts! Go away! You’re helping Shiro with his problems right now.

“Did you love any of them?” Adam asked. Shiro opened his mouth to reply, but just shut it silently and shook his head. “I think you need to say no sometimes. You see that someone else is interested in you, and you put your own feelings aside to make them happy. The next time, just wait a little bit. Make sure you really have feelings for her before making a move.”

Shiro looked less concerned before and more… deep in thought. Which was an improvement. Adam had watched his friend suffer through too many bad relationships and rough breakups, so he hoped Shiro would actually be happy in his next one. It hurt a little bit, giving Shiro relationship advice. A solid two years of pining would do that to anybody. 

“So Mr. Cupid, with all of your romantic wisdom, how are you still single?” Shiro teased.

“Because I’m the only gay in a sea of sad, sad heterosexuals,” Adam half whispered half-sang with a dramatic flourish.

Shiro laughed so hard they were kicked out of the library anyway.

---------------------

Shiro and Adam sat on the roof, drinking beers they had smuggled in, and watching the sunset. Neither of them really liked beer, but it was cheap and after a long week of final exams, they didn’t want to be sober. Year four was rough, and tended to weed out the less committed recruits, but they had both made it through. 

They had been sitting in silence for the past couple of minutes, but Adam didn’t mind. Silences with Shiro never felt strained. Adam watched as Shiro opened a new bottle and took a long swig, which turned into a chug, and then a concerning (but impressive) emptying of the bottle. Adam turned to him and gave him a questioning look. But Shiro didn’t see him, just kept his eyes on the horizon, biting his lip. Shiro only did that when he was nervous. Well, now the silence felt tense.  

“I think I’m gay,” Shiro blurted out. 

Adam was shocked. Not that Shiro was gay, although that was (very) surprising. No, Adam was shocked because Shiro was so scared. He had to be drunk to tell Adam, and couldn’t even look at him now. They were best friends and Adam was as queer as could be. Did Shiro really think he would react badly?

“Ok.”

That got Shiro’s attention. He spun to face Adam, eyes fiery. “That’s it? Just ‘ok?’”

“I mean, yeah I’m surprised, but it’s not that big a deal.”

“It is that big a deal!” Shiro replied quickly with a sharp, but fragile edge to his voice. “Wasn’t it for you?”

Adam really wanted to laugh at that, but he knew this was really not the moment. “I never did the whole big coming out thing to anyone. Most people just looked at me and went ‘ah yes, that one’s a twink’ and that was the end of it. I was a dedicated theater kid and my halloween costumes for a solid five years were Disney princesses. I was a really flamboyant kid in a tiny midwestern town, so there wasn’t any hiding it.

“But if it’s a big deal for you, then I’ll respect that. Do… you want to talk about it?” Adam asked hesitantly. They hadn’t had any problems in the past talking about their romantic lives. Adam helped plan most of Shiro’s first dates, and Shiro was always there when Adam complained about how all the hot guys were straight. (Obviously Shiro was at the top of the list, but he wasn’t about to tell him that.) But this felt different.

Shiro groaned for a concerningly long time. “It’s just that-” Shiro buried his head in his hands and sighed for an equally long time. “What you said in the library, in November. That I put my exes’ feelings in front of my own. It got me thinking because I liked them, I really did. Or, well, I thought I did. But recently there’s been this guy and-” Shiro cut off again and huffed. Adam wanted to help him, but he could tell that his friend needed to get through this on his own. “The feelings I have for this guy are stronger than anything I’ve felt before.

“I’m just not sure what these feelings mean . Because some days I think he’s just a really cool guy and we’re just friends. Because he’s great and he makes me smile, but do I actually like him? But then other days I want to suck his dick.”

Adam nearly choked on his sip of beer. Oh man, I am not qualified to deal with this . “Well, that sounds to me like a bad case of nerves with just a touch of internalized homophobia. We’re all leaving tomorrow for summer break anyway, so my advice would be to take some time to sort out your feelings. About him and about being gay in general. It’s not as scary as they make it out to be,” Adam added with a smile.

That got a laugh out of Shiro. Well, laugh was a generous term, it fell somewhere between a sob and a cough, but he was smiling a bit. And that was all that mattered.

“Sooooo, who is the lucky guy?”

Shiro’s mouth fell open, then slammed shut just as quickly. “I’m not ready to talk about that yet,” he mumbled.

“No problem, as I said, take your time. And hey, look at me.” Adam waited until Shiro made eye contact. “This changes nothing. Not between us. Not about who you are. Not about what you can do. Sure it’s an important part of your identity. But you’re still Shiro. And I’m still Adam. And that’s what counts.”

Shiro gave a soft smile then leaned over to rest his head on Adam’s shoulder as the last vestiges of sunlight faded from the sky.

“Thanks, Adam.”

Chapter Text

Adam hadn’t heard from Shiro in days. Which was really weird given that for the past month, Shiro called or texted multiple times a day. Shiro was apparently working through his gay crisis by doing copious amounts of research. Ha, nerd . So whether he was ranting about how Nina Flowers totally should have won Drag Race, or asking for tips on how to come out to his parents, or planning a trip to San Francisco for the pride parade, Shiro was constantly blowing up Adam’s phone. But not recently, not for almost a week.

After a couple of “hey are you doing ok? Because I’m here if you need to talk” texts, Adam had had enough. Something was clearly up. He scrolled through his contacts until he got to Shiro’s number.

It rang twice before he got sent to voicemail. So Shiro saw that Adam was calling and hung up on him. Bastard . Three more times Adam got sent to voicemail almost immediately, but on the fourth Shiro picked up.

“What do you want?” Shiro snapped.

Adam raised his hands defensively, even though Shiro couldn’t see him. “Wow that’s a nice way to greet your best friend. No ‘Hi Adam how have you been that space documentary you told me to watch was really cool thanks!’”

“Sorry,” Shiro said sheepishly. “It was really cool.”

“I called – repeatedly I might add – because I am worried about you. You only go radio silent when you’re really upset about something. So what is it?”

“I just-” Shiro started. There was a muffled sound that might have been a dying elephant but was probably Shiro screaming into his pillow. “I found out about Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. 

“If anybody finds out I’m gay, I will be discharged. I can’t- I can’t do this, Adam! All my life I wanted to fly. To go to the stars, to explore and discover and do great things! And now they’re telling me I can’t. And-” Shiro broke off with a loud sob. Adam’s heart shattered. Shiro needed a hug and Adam was stuck in motherfucking Nebraska.

Adam curled up around his phone and cried quietly alongside Shiro. There was nothing they could do.

After they had both cried themselves out, Adam sighed deeply. “I’m very familiar with DADT, believe me. With everything that happened with Brad, I was terrified they would kick me out. Honestly, I think they were lenient on me because I’m not training for a field position. Because, let’s be honest, I’m not subtle about it. Keep the queers locked up in the lab, they can’t cause any trouble there,” Adam laughed sharply and sarcastically. “It’s not all bad though, it’s what got him expelled and then we got to be roommates. Plus, the world is changing. Things are getting better. We won’t have to hide forever,” Adam added more softly with a small smile. 

Shiro loudly blew his nose (apparently directly into the phone) which was frankly gross, but Adam didn’t really mind. “Thanks Adam. I know I should have talked to you about this earlier. You always know how to make me feel better. But I was so scared and angry that I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“Ha, thinking straight. Can’t say I’m familiar with the concept,” Adam quipped. It got a big, real laugh out of Shiro and Adam’s heart soared. 

“Anyway, did you see the new footage of Kerberos that the rover got?” How insane is that!” Shiro gushed, still sounding like he had just cried but with genuine happiness in his voice. Adam smiled; Shiro was a dorky nerd again and all was right again in the world. 

---------------------

As happy as Adam was to help Shiro through his sexuality crisis, he was dreading returning to the Garrison a little bit. Shiro hadn’t told Adam who his gay awakening was, but presumably he would find out soon enough. And while it had definitely hurt to help Shiro with his past girlfriends, Adam thought that Shiro would never be able to feel the way Adam did for him. So Adam was able to, not get over it exactly, but at least compartmentalize. But if Shiro wanted help with a guy , Adam’s poor gay heart might just break. 

Adam carried his duffel bags through the dorm hallways, balancing them precariously while he opened his and Shiro’s door. Their familiar room was a welcome sight and so was Shiro, who was already there unpacking. 

“Hi Shiro! How was the tri-“

Lips. There were lips on his lips. Oh my god Shiro was kissing him. Adam froze as his brain short circuited. It wasn’t exactly the best kiss, even if Adam didn’t have a lot to compare it to. It was rushed, their noses squished, their teeth clacked.

And then Shiro was pulling away, looking as surprised as Adam felt. “I’m so sorry Adam. I had this whole speech planned- And it was going to be sunset, like before- But I saw you and I just- I’m so so sorry Adam,” Shiro stumbled, unable to get out a complete sentence.

Was Adam the guy that Shiro talked about last spring? The guy Adam was dreading to hear about? The guy Shiro had feelings for? ( Like suck his dick feelings for? a thoroughly unhelpful voice chimed in from the dark recesses of his mind.)

What Adam should have done was ask some desperately needed clarifying questions. But instead he basically lunged at Shiro, pulling him back into a kiss. Adam’s first thought was holy shit I’m kissing Shiro, but that very quickly segued into I have no fucking clue what I’m doing. Adam had only kissed one other guy before. Scott Coleman in seventh grade. They both had braces, it was way too slobbery, and not two hours later Scott laughed in the locker room when someone made some homophobic joke. So it wasn’t exactly a great experience.

Shiro, probably sensing Adam’s floundering, took charge of the kiss, moving his lips against Adam’s in a rhythm that Adam blindly followed. One kiss turned into two, then three, then Adam started losing count. He didn’t want to stop, not after dreaming about it for two years. Eventually though, they had to pull away, breathing heavy.

“Umm, well… wow,” Adam stuttered. Not exactly the height of eloquence, but Adam was frankly impressed he could form words at all. “I like you Shiro. So much.”

Shiro laughed softly, a fond smile on his lips (the lips Adam just kissed??) “Yeah, I know. Have for a while”

The warm, happy feelings in Adam’s chest quickly froze and died. “What? How long have you known?”

“Since halfway through third year I think?”

Adam buried his head in his hands. “You’ve known basically the whole time? Two freakin years? That’s mortifying . Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I thought I was straight? And you never made me feel uncomfortable. I always knew you were my friend and the fact that you had a crush on me was irrelevant,” Shiro said matter-of-factly. 

Adam face-planted on Shiro’s bed because it had sheets on it already and there was no way he was going to lie down on his own bare, gross, dorm mattress. He thought of all of the times he stared at Shiro for just slightly too long, the way he laughed a little too loudly at his jokes, and groaned. The whole time Shiro knew how he felt. “Please let me die.”

The bed shifted as Shiro sat down by Adam’s feet. “Nope, sorry. No dying on my watch. Plus, I just kissed you, so it clearly doesn’t bother me.”

Adam pressed himself back up to sit next to Shiro, who had such a sappy look on his face that Adam’s heart skipped a beat. None of it felt real. “So, is this some kind of pity thing? Because I meant what I said last year. Just because I like you doesn’t mean you have to date me.”

Shiro sighed. “I guess that’s a valid question. Most of my relationships fell apart because they liked me more than I liked them. But that’s not what’s happening here. I only dated those girls because I thought that I should. That I was supposed to? I dunno. I just know that you make me feel like I’m flying. And I don’t want to give that feeling up.”

“I had settled for having a hopeless, unrequited crush on my best friend forever, and then you kiss me out of the blue. I feel like I’m on a prank show,” Adam said.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Shiro said sheepishly. “I really didn’t mean to do that. I was going to take you up to the roof after dinner and I was going to describe the guy I liked and then it would obviously be you. I had a whole speech planned out. It was going to be so romantic.”

Adam laughed. “Well, you ruined that plan. But this is nice too,” Adam said, leaning his head on Shiro’s shoulder. “You know, you could still give that speech.”

“You just want to hear me compliment you,” Shiro said with a cocked, accusatory eyebrow. Adam just shrugged. He wasn’t wrong.

Shiro cleared his throat dramatically. “Alright here goes. I would have steered the conversation so we were talking about how I knew I was gay and then I’d say: ‘there wasn’t a single moment, it kinda crept up on me. Remember that guy I was talking about? I just kept noticing small things about him. The way his eyes light up when he talks about things he’s passionate about. The way he makes me laugh. The way he knows me better than I know myself. The way we match. Like, we’re not two halves of the same whole or any BS like that, but we fit together perfectly. Like puzzle pieces. But mostly it’s the way he looks at me.’ And then I’d turn and make eye contact with you and you’d be like --” Shiro widens his eyes dramatically with a comic look of shock on his face “-- moi?? Then I’d grab your hand and say ‘the way his hand feels in mine’ and then I probably would have kissed you but I hadn’t thought that far ahead.”

Adam leaned up and kissed Shiro. It was soft, just a quick press of lips. He didn’t pull away, keeping his forehead resting on Shiro’s. “You total sap. I’m telling you right now, if you had said all of that, I would be dead. My heart would have stopped and you would have killed me.”

Shiro held him tightly and buried his head in the crook of Adam’s neck. “I mean every single word.”

---------------------

Being in a relationship with Shiro was … a lot. As exciting as it was terrifying. Easy as breathing but incredibly hard. The logical next step and a total surprise. 

On the face of it, things didn’t really change. They still went to classes, hung out with their friends, did their homework in the library, ate the gross cafeteria food for dinner. The biggest change was that when Shiro caught Adam staring or let his hands linger longer than could be strictly platonic, Shiro smiled and returned the gesture. That, and they made out a lot when they were alone in their room at night. Adam had wanted to push their beds together; the narrow twin beds made cuddling a little difficult. But they often had their friends over to their room, and a shared bed would be hard to explain away. Because as much as Adam hated it, they had to keep it a secret.

If Shiro wanted even a chance at getting to space and if Adam wanted to stay at the Garrison, nobody could find out about them. People were already talking; Shiro hadn’t been single for this long ever. He always gave the same answer of ‘fifth year is a lot harder, so I’m taking a break on relationships to focus on my schoolwork’ when people asked.

As much as Adam really, really didn’t want to, he asked Shiro if he wanted to get a beard. For Adam, seeing someone touch Shiro in public -- when he couldn’t -- would be soul sucking. But if it would protect them, Adam would make the sacrifice. Thankfully, Shiro firmly vetoed that option. He had faked relationships subconsciously for too long, so he wasn’t going to do it on purpose.

It was the Friday before Thanksgiving break and Adam, Shiro, and a few of their friends were hanging out in their room. It was Matt (who was probably Adam’s best friend other than Shiro), Shiro’s comms director Hailey and engineer Claire, Adam’s lab partner Jack, and Milind who Adam had been friends with since first year. 

They had nothing to do but pack and ignore the looming stress of winter exams, so they were playing Mario Kart and eating a frankly obscene amount of M&Ms, popcorn, and chips. Adam really enjoyed these nights because as skilled as Shiro was a pilot, he was absolutely terrible at Mario Kart. Seeing his boyfriend reduced to a petulant toddler because he lost a silly game was adorable, and if Adam snuck a few quick kisses to comfort him, none of their friends had to know.

Adam wasn’t exactly great at the game either, especially when playing against Matt. His little sister was a video game fiend, so Matt got a lot of practice in. Adam and Shiro had played with the two of them once when they were over at the Holts’ for dinner. It hurt Shiro’s ego so badly to be utterly destroyed by an eight year-old that they never played again.

Eventually it was late, and Claire and Jack had early flights, so people started heading back to their rooms. Matt herded their friends out the door, but instead of leaving himself, shut and locked the door. 

He spun to face Adam and Shiro. “Alright you two, spill,” he said with an accusatory finger pointed in their direction. The two exchanged a nervous glance but didn’t say anything.

“You guys are the least subtle people I have ever met. I saw you guys kiss like five times tonight. You’re lucky I was distracting the other guys.” 

A pit of fear sunk into Adam’s stomach, but he decided to try and play it off. “What are you talking about?”

Clearly Shiro didn’t get the memo, because at the same time he said, “Matt please, you can’t tell anyone.” Adam glared at him.

Matt looked offended that Shiro would even suggest that. “You guys are my best friends. I would never betray you like that. Plus, I could tell you guys were going to get together, like, a year ago.”

“What?” Shiro exclaimed. “How on earth could you have known that? I didn’t even know I was gay until like last spring!”

Matt just shrugged. “Seeing you with your exes and then seeing you with Adam, it was clear who you were actually in to. Also when we watched Star Wars together you didn’t shut up about how cool Harrison Ford was but you checked your phone during the Leia bikini scene.”

Seeing Shiro and Adam’s worried faces, Matt quickly added, “I don’t think anybody else would be able to tell. I just know you guys so well.”

With that, Matt ran at the bed and jumped between Shiro and Adam. He bounced on the landing, a flailing elbow hit Shiro’s chest and Adam narrowly missed being kicked in the face. Thanks Matt . 

“Ok so, what’s your plan. Because I know that you know that people are talking. As I said, y’all ain’t subtle.”

Shiro bit his lip nervously. “We don’t really have a plan? I don’t want to get a fake girlfriend, but beyond that I’m not sure.”

Matt considered that thoughtfully for a minute or two. “Hmm, ok tricky. Do either of you know Veronica? Veronica McClain?” Both Adam and Shiro shook their heads. “She’s on the analyst track in your year. We’ve hung out a few times, she’s nice. Anyway I’m 97% sure that she isn’t into guys, or at least not into Shiro. So, I can start a rumor that Shiro is hopelessly pining after some mystery girl, but occasionally drop hints that it’s her. That way Shiro becomes a hopeless romantic rather than possibly gay. Sounds good?”

Adam shrugged. “If you think it’ll work, I say let’s go for it. It can’t hurt as long as Victoria doesn’t actually fall for Shiro.”

“Veronica,” Shiro corrected. “But I agree. People are only going to believe the lie I’ve been telling for so long.”

“Excellent. Operation Trick People Into Thinking That You Guys Aren’t A Couple Even Though It’s Obvious is a go!” Matt cheered. “Now I’m going to leave so you two can be all gross and coupley. Goodnight!”

With that, Matt left and Shiro collapsed against Adam. 

“That was much scarier than it should have been. It’s Matt, he’s our friend and wouldn’t hurt a fly. Why am I shaking?” Shiro said into Adam’s chest. 

“It’s scary to show your true self. I get it. But someone found out and the world didn’t end. We’ll get there.” Adam ran his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair and hugged him close. As nerve wracking as it was, Matt knowing would help. At least, hopefully. Because otherwise they were probably screwed. 

And shockingly, it worked. For months, Adam had girls sidling up to him, asking if he had any details on the mystery girl Shiro was apparently in love with, hoping it could be them. Part of Adam seethed with frustration, that girls, some of whom Shiro didn’t even know , thought they could be the objects of his affection. But the other more rational part breathed a sigh of relief. They were safe, even if for just a little bit longer.

Chapter Text

Adam was relatively sure he was part lizard. He loved the dry heat of Arizona, and it was particularly nice out that night. So instead of waiting in their room to meet Shiro to walk over to the Holts’, he took the time to walk to the gym where Shiro had his last class of the day. He tilted his face up to catch that last rays of sun before it disappeared over the horizon and sighed contentedly. 

Things were good.

“Hey Shiro!” Adam could hear the slightly muffled conversation of Shiro’s classmates through the open window as he leaned against the wall of the gym. “Great flying today!”

“Thanks man! You did pretty well too!”

“Eh, it wasn’t too bad. Did you see me shoot down those enemy fighters? I fucking killed their gay asses!”

Adam knew the sound of Shiro’s laugh. Shiro’s snigger at a sarcastic comment, his full-belly laugh when Adam was being ridiculous, his quiet chuckle when they lay curled in each other’s arms.

So Adam couldn’t help but notice Shiro’s laugh. I fucking killed their gay asses! And Shiro laughed .

Tears welled in Adam’s eyes as he ran. Shiro wasn’t any different. Not from Brad and his cronies, from his bullies as a kid in Nebraska, from the nameless people on the internet, from every crush Adam had had who turned out to be homophobic assholes. How could he? How could he? How could he laugh at something like that?

“Hey Adam! Wait up!” Adam could hear Shiro running to catch up with him, so he quickened his pace. Of course Shiro, being Shiro, eventually caught up and stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“I thought we were going to go to the Holts’ together? Where are you off to?”

So Shiro was just going to pretend everything was ok? Like he didn’t just laugh at his friend saying he killed some gays? Adam turned and shrugged off Shiro’s touch. “Go home, Shiro,” he snapped.

Shiro looked confused. “Did the Holts cancel? Are you sick or something?”

“Fuck off, Shiro!” Adam snarled. “And go home! ”

Adam didn’t wait to see Shiro’s response, just turned back in the direction of the Holts’. He didn’t run though, any more than a brisk walk and Adam thought he might vomit.

Sam and Colleen were surprised when Adam turned up without Shiro, but seemed to accept the quick “he was busy” explanation he gave. He was quiet throughout dinner, too busy dealing with his own whirlwind thoughts to contribute much to the conversation. But if any of the Holts realized, they didn’t press him. At least until after dinner, sitting with Matt watching something mindless on tv.

“Hey, is everything ok?” Matt asked gently.

“Yes. I’m fine.”

“Umm, are you sure? Because Shiro would kill to not have to eat cafeteria food. I meant, is everything ok between you two?”

“That’s none of your fucking business. Leave me alone. I have a big exam Monday. I have to go study.” Adam abruptly stood up to leave, pretending he hadn’t seen the hurt look on Matt’s face. Adam knew he was being irrational. That Matt had done nothing wrong and was just trying to help. But he was just so angry he couldn’t control it. He ran out the door, muttering a quick goodbye to Sam and Colleen.

He didn’t stop running until he got to the roof of his dorm. Normally the quiet space was calming, but he almost never went up there without Shiro. His presence tainted the space and Adam couldn’t escape it. So he curled up against the wall and cried until he was exhausted. A small part of him knew he was over-reacting. That Shiro didn’t mean anything by laughing. But when Shiro laughed all he could hear was the laughs of his classmates in elementary school when he came to class with barrettes in his hair one time. He heard the cruel words his older cousins spat at him at family gatherings, before he even knew what being gay was. He heard the sneers and slurs of every Bible-thumping homophobe in his town. And that cacophony of hatred drowned out any rational thought he had.

Adam didn’t say more than a handful of words to Shiro for the next three days. Shiro’s laugh kept playing in a loop through his head and he couldn’t let it go. By Tuesday morning, Shiro was returning the glares Adam sent in his direction. And that hurt . But Shiro was the one in the wrong. Adam wasn’t going to cave, no matter how much he missed his boyfriend, his best friend. No matter how much those glares tore at his heart.

He dropped his bag onto his desk with a long sigh. He had about an hour until Shiro got back to their room, and Adam wanted to be gone by then. So he had time for a quick nap and then a shower before going to the library to hide until dinner.

Adam had just laid down when Shiro burst into the room, slamming the door behind him.

“Shiro! I thought you had sim practice,” Adam said, startled into speaking.

“Skipped it,” Shiro replied brusquely. “You are going to tell me what the fuck is going on.”

Adam’s anger returned in full force and he turned to face the wall, nose turned in the air.

“Adam, please . Just talk to me. I can’t help you unless I know what the problem is,” Shiro begged.

“I heard you. Friday. With your friends. Just laughing it up with your buddies,” Adam snarled.

Shiro thought for a few seconds, trying to remember. And then he scoffed. “ That’s what this is about? Some stupid comment Jared made? You don’t speak to me for days, treat me like I’ve killed your mom or something horrible because of some stupid fucking joke ?” Shiro yelled, the venom in his voice matching Adam’s.

“It’s about more than just a joke, Shiro.”

“No it isn’t. You’re blowing everything out of proportion. All this just because I laughed at some stupid comment! And it’s not like I actually thought it was funny! It was super offensive, obviously! But I have to hide, Adam! And I can’t do that if I’m beating up every guy who makes a gay joke!”

“Yeah, whatever I get it. Nothing is more important to you than getting to space. Especially not a faggot like me.”

“Don’t put words in my mouth! You know how important this is to me! You can just go back to Nebraska and do science or whatever there. I have to stay at the Garrison! I don’t have that option. And it was just one fucking joke!”

“It’s not just a joke, Shiro! It’s my whole life! Ever since I was a kid, it’s been nothing but jokes and snide comments and outright insults. You can hide, a masculine guy like you, people assume you’re straight. I can’t do that! Do you remember how we met? Brad sure liked to laugh at jokes too.”

Shiro opened his mouth, but no words came out. After a moment, he whispered, “I didn’t think about it like that. I’m- I’m sorry Adam.”

“Just go.”

“No. I’m staying right here. You don’t have to talk to me, but you can’t avoid me forever.” Shiro sat at his desk, pulled out his tablet, and started on his work. Adam sat silently on his bed. Dinner came and passed, but neither moved. By midnight Shiro had finished, so he went to the bathroom to shower and get ready for bed. Adam sat silently on his bed. Shiro came back, turned off the lights, and got into bed. Adam sat silently on his bed.

They lay in silence for about an hour. Adam wanted to dig in his heels and refuse to forgive Shiro. But as angry as Adam was, Shiro made some fair points. And it was exhausting being angry all the time. Adam would think of something Shiro would like and turn to tell him, before remembering that they were fighting and he couldn’t do that. Or he would automatically reach for Shiro’s hand under the cafeteria table at lunch. And he tossed and turned all night, the small dorm beds somehow feeling too big without someone else in it. It all sucked . So Adam put his obstinate pride aside, got out of his bed, and wormed his way into Shiro’s.

“I’m sorry too,” he said in a barely audible whisper. “What you did was shitty, but I know why you did it. It wasn’t fair of me to ask you to risk your dreams. And I know you’re not Brad, or anything like him. I overreacted. So I’m sorry for shutting you out.”

They lay in Shiro’s bed for a while. Adam would have thought that Shiro had fallen asleep except for the fingers gently running through his hair. 

“Can you call me Takashi?” Shiro whispered. Adam turned to face Shiro, making a vague noise of confusion. 

“My first name, Takashi,” Shiro continued. “Only my family calls me that. And you’re my family, Adam. I want to be in your life for as long as you’ll have me. You matter so much to me. If something I do bothers you, just tell me, so we don’t have to go through this again.”

Adam chuckled. “I’ll try. You matter so much to me too, Takashi.”

Adam could feel Shiro – no Takashi – smile against the back of his neck and he fell asleep in his boyfriend’s arms.

Chapter Text

Every morning for almost five years they had known each other, Adam got to the cafeteria in the morning before Takashi did. Adam wasn’t exactly a morning person, but he was better than Takashi. That man could sleep through a herd of elephants stampeding through their room. It was usually a miracle if Takashi woke up with enough time to grab a quick cup of coffee before running to his first class. And on more than one occasion Adam had to throw something at Takashi to get him out of bed.

Not today though. They had both been awake for hours, too full of nervous and excited energy to sleep. Adam and Takashi wanted the cafeteria to be as full as possible when they arrived, so they waited until the last minute to head over for breakfast. A pit of nerves settled in Adam’s stomach, but Takashi grabbed his hand and his resolve hardened.

They marched to the center of the room, Takashi grabbed his face and they kissed. Hard. Probably too hard for a public space. Adam curled his fingers into Takashi’s hair as he slipped his tongue into his mouth. He could hear shocked gasps and muttering. But Adam couldn’t care less.

“Don’t Ask, Don't Tell'' is repealed! And Shiro is my boyfriend!” Adam yelled as he broke the kiss.

Takashi gave Adam a side-eye. “That wasn’t what we had planned to say,” he muttered. “But yeah, we’re gay. See everybody later,” Takashi added louder so the veritable crowd surrounding them could hear. With that the two walked back out of the cafeteria, hand-in-hand and heads held high.

The moment they were out of eyesight though, they sprinted to the nearest bathroom and locked the door. Takashi wrapped Adam in the tightest hug possible, tears leaking out of his eyes.

“Oh my god, that was terrifying. I’m literally shaking. Are you shaking? I can’t even tell.”

Adam just nodded in agreement, not able to speak. He felt like he had the wind knocked out of him. “That was the scariest thing I have done in my whole life. I love you so much,” he whispered into Takashi’s neck. It wasn’t the first time they had said those words, dating secretly for just over a year now, but somehow this time it felt more real. It wasn’t a secret anymore. “There’s going to be a shit storm out there after this. You ready?”

Takashi kissed him gently. “I get to have you by my side forever now. I can handle anything. But if we don’t hurry we’re going to miss first period.”

Adam looked at his watch, and with a “ oh shit ” he gave Takashi a quick peck and ran to his thermo class.

Clearly news of their stunt had spread like a wildfire and reactions were pretty mixed. Mostly people had lots of questions.

“How long have you guys been together?”

“What’s that Don’t Ask thing you were talking about?”

“Did you like, turn Shiro gay?”

“Wait, what about that mystery girl?”

“So, who is the guy , if you know what I’m saying?”

It was overwhelming.

Adam answered the questions as honestly as he could. (Except for the last one. Not only was Adam himself not sure of the answer, but gross . Why would anybody want to know the answer to that?) He was thrilled to finally be able to flaunt Takashi, to have their relationship be public. And their way of announcing their relationship was dramatic to say the least. So of course people would be talking.

Unfortunately, it was the only day of the week that his and Takashi’s schedules didn’t line up, so Adam didn’t see his boyfriend until dinner. He knew he had the sappiest smile on his face as he held Takashi’s hand (above the table!) and their friends were totally right to tease him. Adam couldn’t care less. Takashi was his boyfriend and everyone knew it.

They pushed their beds together that night, just because they finally could. It still wasn’t huge, but at least it wasn’t horribly cramped anymore. They lay together, Adam using Takashi’s chest as a pillow and Takashi running his fingers softly up and down Adam’s arm.

“So, what was the weirdest question you got today?” Adam asked.

“Hmm well, there were a bunch. I had one girl ask me why I decided to be gay because ‘it is such a waste,’” Takashi said, adopting an exaggerated valley accent.

“Ooh that’s rough.”

“Yeah, but the weirdest was the guy who asked me who topped and who bottomed.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Well, not those words, but yeah. It was uncomfortable.”

“I got asked the same question! The guy who asked me literally said ‘who’s the guy?’ Which is so dumb. Like clearly, both of us. That’s what makes it gay,” Adam laughed.

Takashi didn’t though. He looked vaguely nauseous.

“So, who does top?” Takashi asked, hesitantly. “Not that I want to pressure you or anything! I was just wondering. Because we haven’t really talked about stuff like that.”

Adam fidgeted nervously. They had been avoiding this conversation. And that’s not to say stuff hadn’t happened. They were both teenage boys afterall. There had been multiple nights that their making out grew a little too heated and ended in awkward waddling to the bathroom. But it had never even gone past dry humping. Part of that was due to the paper thin walls of the Garrison dorms. If things got too heated their neighbors were sure to find out as sex noises were pretty hard to explain away. But just good old fashioned nerves were also a factor. 

Adam didn’t answer Takashi’s question. Not because he didn’t know his answer. But he wasn’t sure if it was the right one. Today had been so wonderful, and Adam didn’t want to mess it up. The silence stretched out between them, growing more tense.

“I think I’d like you to fuck me,” Takashi said, breaking the silence.

“Wait seriously?” said Adam, shocked. And definitely not turned on by that sentence. Not even a little bit.

“I never, with any of my exes, I never wanted- And part of it was that they were girls, but I think also I didn’t want to, ya know,” Takshi said, stumblingly.

“ Never? Not even with Sydney? You were over in her room a lot. I just assumed.”

“Nope not even with her. I think she wanted me to and it was probably why we broke up. It just never felt right.”

“Can we circle back for a sec? I just want to confirm that you, Takashi Shirogane, Mr. Manly Man Pilot, who the entire Garrison is shocked to find out is gay, wants to bottom? Not that bottoming makes you less of a man, I mean I just thought you were more of a top. You just seem like more of a top, I guess,” Adam rambled.

Takashi shrugged uncomfortably. “Well, yeah. Is that ok? Because if you want me to I can-”

Adam didn’t let him finish, hushing him with a kiss. 

“It’s more than ok,” Adam said between kisses. He pressed his body closer to Takashi’s and wait is that- “Are you hard right now? I’ve kissed you like twice!”

“We were talking about having sex!” Takashi exclaimed defensively. “So yeah, I am a little turned on.”

“Do… you want me to do something about it?”

Takashi blushed and bit his lip, but didn’t respond. So with confidence Adam definitely didn’t feel, he whispered in Takashi’s ear, “Tell me what you want me to do to you.”

Takashi’s resulting soft moan went straight south and Adam’s fake confidence became a little more real. “Please, just touch me Adam.”

And who was Adam to deny that request? He climbed on top of Takashi and kissed him deeply. It was feverish and desperate with an intensity they’d never had before. Takashi’s hips jerked up and Adam rolled his in response. But as great as that felt, Adam was determined to take it further this time. Nerves and neighbors be damned. 

Adam wasn’t exactly sure how to get their clothes off in their current position. The logistics involved in getting Takashi’s shirt off were too much to process given that said boyfriend was rutting up against Adam and blocking most coherent thoughts. So he pulled Takashi off the bed to his feet, stumbling a bit but not separating. 

The moment Adam started fumbling with Takashi’s shirt, his boyfriend flew to do the same. Adam had seen Takashi shirtless before, of course. They had been roommates for years. But he still took the time to admire the sloping line of his hips, the subtle definition of his pecs.

Adam could stand and enjoy the view for hours, but he had a mission. He wasn’t exactly sure about the mechanics of giving a hickey, but it couldn’t be too hard, right? And god did he want to give one to Takashi. To show to everyone that Takashi couldn’t belong to them. He latched his lips against Takashi’s neck and sucked hard. He broke away to examine his handiwork and was a little disappointed. The area was red, but not really a distinctive hickey. So he tried again, and again. Until Takashi was writhing against him, desperate for more.

He placed his hands on the button on Takashi’s pants. “Is this ok?” he asked.

“More than,” Takashi replied. Adam preened a little at the breathy hitch in his voice. “Can I?”

Adam nodded hastily and then they were both standing in the middle of their room in just their boxers. Adam gasped as Takashi palmed him through the thin cotton barrier. 

“I’ve wanted to do this for a while,” Takashi said, dropping to his knees. Adam’s arousal and nerves both skyrocketed. Oh my goooood . 

Takashi pulled down his boxers and then Adam was standing there buck ass naked in front of his boyfriend. It was more than a little anxiety inducing. 

“Is this ok?” Takashi asked. Adam nodded emphatically and Takashi took his head in his mouth. And Adam moaned. Loudly. Like so loud that the whole hall probably knew what they were doing. He clapped a hand over his mouth. 

“Oh no that’s embarrassing. I sound like a pornstar whose rent is due. Sorry Sam and Kyle!” Adam called, hoping that their neighbors couldn’t actually hear them.

Takashi chuckled as much as he could with a mouthful of dick and Adam had to bite his hand to keep from moaning again as he felt the vibrations. Takashi bobbed his head, slowly taking more of Adam into his mouth. Adam’s head fell backwards as he let himself be overwhelmed by the sensations. He reached blindly for the wall behind him for some support. His knees were definitely buckling a bit and Adam didn’t want to collapse.

Adam’s hips jerked uncontrollably as Takashi did something earth-shattering with his tongue.  Takashi gagged as Adam thrust too deeply, and he pulled off and coughed. But before Adam could apologize, he was back, licking a stripe up the side of Adam’s dick. With a deep breath of preparation, Takashi took more of Adam into his mouth, stopping right before he started to gag. He slowly moved back and forth, sucking hard on the head on each pass. 

Takashi suddenly sped up, taking Adam into his mouth rapidly. The change in tempo pushed Adam over the edge with no warning. His body went rigid and he buried his hand in Takashi’s hair as he came.

Takashi pulled off with a cough, wiping at his mouth. “A little warning would have been nice.”

Adam started to apologize, but Takashi stopped him with a kiss. Adam could taste himself on his boyfriend’s lips, but found he didn’t mind as Takashi pressed him up against the wall. They kissed hungrily and Adam clung onto his boyfriend, still a little shaky from his orgasm.

When he had regained his bearings a little bit, his thoughts turned to Takashi, who was very clearly still hard. “Do you want me to, um, return the favor?” Good job Adam, way to phrase that in the least sexy way possible.

Takashi shook his head. “I meant what I said earlier.” Adam gave him a confused look and he continued, “I want you to fuck me.”

“Oh, right. Yes. Ok. I can do that.”

“Only if you want to! If you’d rather do a blowjob or something that’s cool too. Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

“No! I’m totally comfortable. Well, maybe a little nervous. But do you have stuff? Like lube and things? Because I don’t.”

Takashi turned bright red at that. He broke away from Adam and went to his closet, pulling a box from the back corner. He opened the box for Adam to see and he laughed in surprise.

“Takashi! How much sex were you planning on having? There’s enough condoms and lube in here for an army! Plus two unopened dildos! And a vibrator!”

Takashi buried his head in his hands. “This is all from my cousin Yumi. She went a little overboard when I came out to her. My aunt was kinda homophobic so I think Yumi took a bunch of money from her mom and got me all of this. So yeah, I’ve got stuff.”

Adam took a small bottle of lube and a condom from the box and set them on the bedside table as Takashi put the box back in the closet. Adam smiled as Takashi half-ran back to their bed, climbing on top of him and kissing him deeply. It wasn’t long before Adam was hard again, what with his hot boyfriend on top of him.

With a deep breath to try to settle some of his nerves, Adam pushed Takashi down and climbed on top. But he wasn’t there for long, kissing his way down his boyfriend’s body. Adam took his time, stopping to focus on Takashi’s nipples and lick a stripe up his stomach. That made Takashi jerk and burst out laughing.

“Oh my god that tickles!”

“Okay, okay, no licking tummies,” Adam said, planting another kiss on Takashi’s hipbone in apology. He continued his path downward, and rather than focus on the obvious, he peppered kisses and small nips on Takashi’s inner thighs. He listened as Takashi’s breath hitched in anticipation every time he moved, but Adam never gave him the satisfaction.

“Will you stop teasing! Just fuck me already!” Takashi eventually yelled.

Adam smiled wide, enjoying just a little too much winding Takashi up. “Wow, you trying to alert the whole hall to our private affairs? Want to put up some posters? They can read ‘Star pilot Takashi Shirogane, cannot wait to have his boyfriend’s dick up his ass.’” 

Takashi rolled his eyes, then reached over to throw the lube at Adam’s head. Even sexually frustrated, Takashi was still a stupid jock and nailed Adam directly on the temple. “Stop being a brat.”

“Never, that’s why you love me.” With Takashi’s answering chuckle, Adam squirted some lube on his fingers. He knew the mechanics of fingering somebody open, even did it on himself a few times before deciding it wasn’t really his thing. But this was somebody else. And not just anybody else, this was Takashi , and Adam really, really wanted to do well.

“Will you tell me if anything feels weird or hurts or anything?” Adam asked.

Takashi nodded. “Of course. And if you ever want to stop, just tell me.”

Adam lifted Takashi’s legs over his shoulders and pressed the first finger in. Takashi tensed slightly, but relaxed as he took a deep, shuddering breath.

“Is this ok?”

“Yeah, I’ve never done this before. So just, go slow.”

“Wait, you’ve never fingered yourself before?”

“No. I was too nervous. Or maybe embarrassed. I dunno. It was always just easier to jerk off.”

“Takashi,” Adam said carefully, removing his finger and looking his boyfriend in the eyes. “Are you absolutely sure you want to bottom? Because we do not have to. Or we can do this later if you’re uncomfortable.”

Takashi shook his head quickly. “No, I want to! I’ve actually had a-” and then he broke off into unintelligible mumbles. 

“What was that?” Adam asked. Takashi only mumbled in response.

“Takashi. Tell. Me. What. You. Actually. Have. Had.” Adam punctuated each word with a kiss as he made his way back up to his boyfriend’s face. Takashi was blushing beet red and wide eyed at that point, and rather than answering, buried his head in the pillow and groaned.

With a (slightly evil) grin, Adam decided to switch tactics. With a finger, he moved Takashi’s face from the pillow and kissed him. Deep. Dirty. He bit Takashi’s lip and then broke the kiss. 

“Tell me.” Takashi only stammered in response, so Adam continued. He grabbed Takashi’s butt and kneaded it in his hand. Takashi groaned and pressed up against him.

“Tell me.” Takashi still said nothing, so Adam rolled his hips, grinding down. If Adam was unbearably turned on, Takashi must be so much worse. 

“Tell me.”

“The first night we slept in the same bed I had a sex dream about you fucking me!” Takashi finally burst out.

Adam couldn’t help but laugh. “What? Really?? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it’s mortifying! We had just gotten together that would have been way too fast!”

“That was over a year ago! Why didn’t you say anything since?” Adam asked with a laugh.

“Because I was planning on taking it with me to the grave! Well, not exactly I did tell Matt-”

“You told Matt that dream me fucked dream you and you didn’t tell me?”

“Oh I did not give him details, but you know him. He thrives on gossip and he weaseled it out of me.”

“You are ridiculous. I hope you know that.” Takashi shrugged in response and smiled into Adam’s kiss. “Now that that’s settled, do you want me to continue?”

Takashi nodded emphatically and Adam squired some more lube and pressed back in. He moved finger in a slow, steady motion until Takashi felt loose enough for a second finger. Takashi clamped down a little, but slowly relaxed as Adam kept up his slow movements. He scissored his fingers a bit, wanting to get a bit more stretch.

Takashi sighed, “I think- Umm, maybe try a different angle? It just doesn’t feel like how I thought it would?”

Fuck Adam. You’re a terrible top. Takashi gave you a great blow job and you can’t even make him feel good . Adam tried to maintain a cool exterior and moved his fingers at different angles, pressing in different spots. 

“Maybe I’m actually not a bott-” Takashi broke off with a gasp and his whole body jerked as Adam apparently found his prostate. “ Right there right there please Adam don’t stop .”

Adam focused all his attention on that one spot, Takashi writhing under him. He then abruptly pulled out. Takashi breathed shakily as Adam applied more lube and then pressed three fingers in. Adam alternated between stretching and focusing on his prostate until Takashi felt ready. 

He clumsily rolled on the condom (hoping he put it on correctly) and before he could even ask Takashi if he was ready, Takashi pulled him into a kiss. “Please Adam. Please ,” he whispered, barely audible.

Adam was more than willing to comply. He pressed in slowly, watching Takashi’s face for any signs of discomfort. When he exhaled breathily, Adam moved another inch. When his brows furrowed, Adam froze, giving his boyfriend time to adjust. It took an enormous amount of willpower to not simply thrust in, but Adam couldn’t do that, not to Takashi.

Once Adam bottomed out, Takashi leaned up to kiss Adam. “You can move now,” he whispered. Adam nodded and not breaking the kiss, started thrusting slowly. He pulled almost all the way out before pressing back in. Takashi’s gasps and exhales were fuel to Adam’s arousal and he could only maintain this slow pace for so long. He gradually picked up the tempo and his soft grunts of exertion, the slap of skin against skin, and the thud of the bed against the wall began to fill the room. A small corner of mind was embarrassed that their neighbors were almost certainly aware of what was going on. But the rest of his brain was just full of thoughts of his boyfriend, arching underneath him, eyes closed, mouth half-open. 

Adam could feel himself getting close, and he was certainly not about to come twice before Takashi came at all. So he shifted positions so he could prop himself up with only one arm. The other hand he wrapped around Takashi’s dick. It was a little complicated, jerking Takashi off while fucking him, and his rhythym faltered a little bit. Takashi didn’t seem to mind however, his stomach muscles spasming and his legs twitching behind Adam’s back. With a soft groan Takashi finished, head thrown back and muscles clenching. Adam fucked his boyfriend through his climax, and with the increased pressure around his dick, it didn’t take long before he came as well.

Adam pulled out and threw out the condom before flopping down next to Takashi. The two lay boneless on the bed for a minute or two. Takashi moved his head onto Adam’s shoulder, who interlocked their hands and absent-mindedly rubbed his thumb against Takashi’s.

“We just had sex. Holy shit . I just had sex with my boyfriend.” Takashi’s voice was still a little breathless and he had a soft smile on his face.

Adam chuckled at that. “Yep. That you did. But I’m going to have to start going to the gym, my abs are so fucking tired. Now I get why tops are stereotypically buff. I'm going to have to step up my game.”

“I don’t know, I clearly thought your game was pretty good.”

“You sap,” Adam rolled his eyes. “Now let me up so I can get us cleaned up.” Adam grabbed a towel and threw on boxers and a t-shirt to go to the bathroom. Thankfully nobody was there because it was glaringly obvious what he had just been doing. He dampened the towel and returned to their room. With a kiss, he cleaned the various fluids off of Takashi before wiping himself off.

“Throw that in the hamper and come here. I want cuddles.” Takashi said with open arms.

And who was Adam to say no.

---------------------

It never got old, waking up next to Takashi. Adam looked at his boyfriend’s sleeping face with a smile, gently moving a strand of hair from his face. Then Adam’s gaze went lower. Oh no. Oh nooooo.

“Takashi! Takashi wake up!”

“What time is it? Why did you wake me up so early?” Takashi grumbled, annoyed at being woken up so aggressively.

Adam didn’t answer, just handed him his phone from the bedside table, front-facing camera turned on. And then hid under the covers.

“What the FUCK did you do to my neck?” Adam didn’t answer, just buried further under the blankets. “It looks like you tried to strangle me!”

“They weren’t showing up! So … I just kept making more.”

“How on earth am I going to hide all of this?”

The neckline of the garrison uniforms were high, but not high enough. “Claire!” Adam exclaimed, popping up from under the comforter.  “She has basically the same skin tone as you, right? I’ll run over and ask if I can borrow some makeup.”

Adam dressed hurriedly and ran over to Claire’s dorm room. Thankfully Claire a) was awake, b) had concealer he could steal and c) only spent five minutes laughing at him. He ran back and helped Takashi cover up the bruises that showed above his collar, smearing the liquid haphazardly along his neck.

“Wait,” Takashi said, grabbing Adam’s hand. “Leave one.”

Adam smiled and kissed him, then finished covering up the rest of the hickies. It wasn’t perfect by any means and wouldn’t hold up to close scrutiny, but at least it didn’t look like Takashi had been mauled by a wild animal.

Takashi went to the mirror, turning his head to admire the hickey Adam left exposed. Dark and right underneath Takashi’s jaw. Impossible to ignore.

“Thanks, love.”

Adam wasn’t sure if he was talking about the makeup or the hickey. He didn’t really mind either way.

Chapter Text

Takashi had always been a bit of a celebrity at the Garrison. He was the kindest person Adam had ever met, completely brilliant, mind-blowingly attractive, and insanely talented. (Adam might be a bit biased, but that doesn’t mean he’s wrong.) There was also the whole gay thing, with opinions ranging from supportive curiosity to seething bigotry. And so as a result, there were always some whispers floating around about him, a solid spoke on the gossip wheel.

Over six years at the Garrison had nothing on this. Nobody could talk about anything else. Takashi had been selected as the pilot for the Mars Investigation. It was the first time the Garrison had selected a pilot who had only graduated two months ago to lead such an important mission. And if everything went well, he would be the youngest pilot ever to lead a long-term mission like this.

Adam had total faith in his boyfriend. He had seen him fly in the simulator enough times to know that Takashi’s skills in the cockpit were unrivaled. But this wasn’t a simulator. This was real life, and so many things could go wrong. Anxiety wrapped around Adam like a vice. Creeping under his skin, squeezing his organs, seeping into his brain. Ever since Takashi had excitedly told him the news, Adam had had nightmares of his boyfriend dying in space.

Adam was curled around Takashi as he did last minute reviews of spaceship-y things. Adam was a chemist, so he wasn’t to blame if he didn’t understand any of the diagrams. Stupid physics. Stupid space. Stupid boyfriend for being so stupid good at going to stupid space. Adam sighed deeply, grumpiness very evident in both tone and duration. Takashi gave him a look.

“This is my job , Adam. What I’ve been working for my whole life. I have to go!”

“Of course you do! You have to go out in the stars and live your dream! Doesn’t mean I’m not going to miss you and worry about you while you’re gone.” Adam knew he was pouting but he didn’t really care. His boyfriend was going to be on a different planet for four months plus the time it would take to get there and back. He was allowed to be upset about it. Thankfully Takashi seemed to find his toddler-esque petulance endearing, if the soft hand running through his hair and the small quirk of a smile meant anything.

“You know I’ll miss you too. But it’ll only be for a couple of months. And I’ll even bring you back some space rocks to do science on.”

“I’m not a geologist ,” Adam scoffed, disdainful. “But I would like a space rock.”

Takashi chuckled and kissed Adam on the forehead. He leaned over to turn off the bedside lamp and cuddled up behind Adam, wrapping him tightly in his arms. Normally Adam loved being the little spoon. With Takashi’s warmth surrounding him and his quiet breath in Adam’s hair, Takashi’s magical ability to fall asleep within minutes was usually contagious and Adam was asleep. But not tonight. If Adam fell asleep then it would be morning and then Takashi would leave.

Once Takashi’s even breathing told Adam he was asleep, Adam wormed his way out from his boyfriend’s embrace. He repositioned them so that Adam was sitting up against the headboard and Takashi’s head was in his lap. Adam stroked Takashi’s face as he slept, trying to commit every inch of him to memory.

At some point he must have nodded off because he was jarred awake by Takashi’s god-awful blaring alarm clock. It was just barely morning, the sun turning the pre-dawn desert sky a beautiful array of colors. But Adam was in no mood to enjoy it.

For once, Takashi was bright and energized the moment he woke up.

“Adam, I’m going to space today,” Takashi said, a blinding smile on his face. Adam smiled in return, hoping that his fear and sadness wasn’t apparent on his face. He had to remember that Takashi was excited about this. That this was his lifelong dream. And Adam was going to be supportive, goddammit. At least on the outside, anyway.

The morning passed in a blur, with Takashi’s preparations leaving no time for their normal breakfast together. Adam didn’t leave his side until the last moment, and then watched on the edge of the launch pad with some support technicians until the spaceship vanished from sight.

As the rest of the crew cheered as the rocket took off, silent tears streamed down Adam’s face.

Please come back. Please, please, please.

---------------------

Takashi was all bright eyes and wide smiles and hair floating aimlessly in the absence of gravity. If Adam was being completely honest, he had no idea what his boyfriend was talking about. Something about robots, probably? Adam was just drinking in Takashi’s face, reveling in the proof that he was alive. Well, obviously he was alive; the Garrison would have told Adam if there were any issues with the mission. But seeing Takashi after almost two months of nothing was overwhelming.

Adam was proud that he managed to keep his smile on his face until Takashi hit the ‘end call’ button. But the moment the screen turned black he bursted into heaving sobs. Adam wasn’t even entirely sure why he was crying. Relief that Takashi is alive and happy? Sadness that his boyfriend is literally on another planet? Fear for the next five months? Probably a mixture of all three.

He’s not sure when it happens, but Adam finds himself curled on his hands and knees on the floor. His violent sobs trickled into silent tears that streamed continuously down his face. The sun had long since set and the streetlights outside of Takashi and his apartment casted harsh shadows. His home that used to be filled with bright joy and soft smiles felt cold and inhospitable.

Another indeterminate amount of time passed until Adam was able to collect himself. He picked himself off of the floor and pressed his swirling emotions deep inside. He silently made himself some dinner, just something frozen that required no effort. Adam couldn’t have told you what exactly it was as he ate it without tasting a bite.

Once he was done he grabbed his work bag and pulled out the homework that needed grading. Distantly, he pitied his class this semester, vaguely aware that he was grading much harsher than normal. But only the bare minimum of his brain was occupied with the plummeting GPAs of his Organometallics II class. The rest was out in space, reaching desperately for Takashi.

---------------------

“ God , I fucking missed you.” Adam was typically the dominant one in the bedroom, but this was… perhaps a bit excessive. Adam fucked into Takashi aggressively, his rhythm fast and hard. With one arm, Adam pinned Takashi’s hands above his head so he couldn’t move much. With the other he held Takashi’s head in a gesture that would have seemed tender if not for the desperate look in Adam’s eyes. When they weren’t kissing, Adam was leaving marks on Takashi’s neck, to match the bite marks and bruises already scattered on his skin. 

In Adam’s defense he had months of sex to make up for, and it wasn’t like Takashi could sext from Mars. He was just a bit pent up. 

Takashi moaned softly whenever Adam hit his prostate, but he was a little glassy-eyed, overstimulated from having orgasmed twice already from Adam’s hands and mouth.

Adam was as patient as he could have been as the crew disembarked and did all of their post-mission protocol. And of course he missed Takashi for more than just sex, but after months of being on different goddamn planets , Adam was feeling possessive. He was filled with the urge to claim , to remind Takashi just what he had been missing out in space. The moment Takashi was done with all his physicals and debriefs and astronaut nonsense, Adam had basically dragged him to their apartment, a more-than-willing Takashi almost jogging alongside him. 

Normally their foreplay was slow and gentle. Soft kisses that grew more heated as hands and mouths wandered. Not today. Adam had pushed Takashi against their front door as soon as it swung shut, dropped to his knees, and swallowed him down without any warning. Adam preened at the deep groan Takashi let out as he firmed up in Adam’s mouth.

Takashi’s hips jerked and his hands flew to Adam’s head, holding him close. But this was not a time Adam was willing to let Takashi take control. He pulled off and smiled sweetly at his boyfriend, which harshly contrasted the hunger in both of their eyes as they looked at each other.

“Hands off.” Takashi’s hands moved to the wall as if magnetized.

Adam resumed his task, but didn’t break eye contact. He watched with pride as Takashi’s eyes got progressively hazier and he struggled to keep his hips still as Adam buried his nose in the soft curls above his dick.

Takashi finished with a strangled cry, and his hands fluttered in a way that Adam knew he needed to be held. He got up and wrapped Takashi in a tight hug as he rode out the waves of his orgasm.

“You have no idea how much I missed you,” Takashi whispered softly.

“I have a pretty good idea,” Adam said into the crook of his neck.

At this Takashi laughed, “oh I can absolutely tell.” He pressed his thigh against Adam’s hard on. Adam jolted as electricity raced through his body. He had honestly forgotten about his own erection, too focused on taking care of Takashi.

They moved slowly to the bedroom, progress hindered as one of them ended up pressed to the wall, the kitchen counter, the sofa, as they kissed hungrily. They stayed wrapped together, arms and legs coiled around each other. Adam took both of them in hand and they kissed in a way that was less of a kiss and more a sharing of breath. They finished within moments of each other, but stayed locked together, craving the closeness they had missed over the last several months.

Now Adam could feel his stamina starting to flag, and Takashi was making soft sounds of overstimulation. He took Takashi’s earlobe into his mouth and bit at it softly. “Next time you leave, I want you to spend the whole time thinking about this. About me, waiting back for you on Earth. Ready to fuck you senseless.” Takashi moaned in response, too far gone to form full words.

Takashi shuddered as he orgasmed the third time, limbs twitching as he rode out his high. Wordlessly, he reached out to Adam, who quickly tore off the condom and positioned himself inside of his boyfriend’s waiting arms. Adam listened to Takashi’s heartbeat as it settled from its racing rate to a calmer rhythm, matching the low, contented sighs coming from Takashi’s mouth.

Takashi was back in his arms and all was right with the world.

Chapter Text

“I did something bad today!” Takashi called as he got home. He had been gone for a few days on a recruitment trip, the Garrison capitalizing on his popularity with posters, interviews, and attempts to get new recruits. 

“I’m in the kitchen. And if this ‘bad thing’ is a puppy, you’re in huge trouble! You know it’s against Garrison policy and I don’t want to be homeless because you fell in love with a dog.”

“That implies that you would rather be homeless than make me give up a dog. Which is the only correct answer. And no, I didn’t adopt a dog. But… I may have accidentally adopted a kid?”

“You what? ”

“Adam, you should have seen him! I’ve never seen someone who can fly like he can, just instinctual! But the way his teacher talked about him? It was like he was dirt. And yeah he did steal my car-“

“He what? ”

“He has no one, Adam! No one came to juvie to bail him out. No one even cared! I told him to apply and with my recommendation he’s basically a shoo-in. Also I asked him to meet me tomorrow morning. So he might be around more often. If that’s ok with you?” For the first time since he got home, Takashi looked uncertain. 

Adam sighed. Everything about this whole situation just screamed red flags. But he trusted Takashi and his instincts, and anyway couldn’t say no to his puppy dog eyes. “If he could not steal anything else, I’d appreciate it. Dinner’s in twenty, could you set the table?”

Takashi swooped in for a kiss with a huge smile. “Thanks, love. I promise he’s a good kid. He just needs a second chance.”

Adam didn’t end up meeting Keith that weekend. According to Takashi, Keith was slow to trust and Takashi didn’t want to rush things and scare the kid off. Adam trusted Takashi with his life, but he really wasn’t sure about the boy. Clearly Takashi cared for him, but every story he told Adam just seemed like another bad sign. They painted a picture of an aggressive delinquent with some skill as a pilot.

The first time the two met was several months later on the boy’s first night at the Garrison. The rest of his class would move in later that week, but Takashi got permission for him to move in early. The group home where Keith lived was overcrowded and they jumped at the chance to get rid of him. Yet another red flag. 

His first impression was that Keith was angry. He was small, but the hostile energy radiating off of him made him seem much bigger. His eyebrows were furrowed and his arms crossed tightly across his chest. Everything about him screamed Leave me alone .

“Adam, this is Keith. Keith, this is my boyfriend Adam.”

That cracked Keith’s stoney expression and he turned to Takashi, shocked. “You can do that?”

Oh, great. Takashi adopted a little homophobe. “Do you have a problem with that?” Adam asked coldly. 

He could practically hear Takashi yelling at him. ‘ He’s thirteen and from Texas, Adam. He doesn’t know any better. ’ Yeah, well Brad was thirteen when Adam got the shit beaten out of him so- 

“No! I just didn’t know it was allowed,” Keith responded gruffly. “When I was younger I said I wanted to marry Mothman, but Corey and the other guys said that wasn’t allowed because I’m a boy. Also they said Mothman isn’t real which is just stupid.” he added more quietly. 

It took all of Adam’s strength of will to not immediately burst out laughing. But he couldn’t hide the quick quirk of a smile from Takashi. 

Fine, I’ll give it to you. He’s a good kid. 

After that, Keith came over on a weekly basis. Adam realized, horrified, that they were Keith’s version of the Holts. Adam was old . Gross. 

Keith didn’t always talk a lot and it was clear that he didn’t quite trust Adam. So Adam took to going to the living room after dinner, leaving Keith and Takashi to do the dishes. He was better talking one-on-one, opening up slowly to Takashi. 

Over the course of several months, they learned that he had been through a number of foster homes and then group homes. That he flat out refused to talk about his family. That he didn’t talk to his classmates unless he had to and was a little too easy to bait into a fight. But they also learned that he had an incorrigible sweet tooth, was obsessed with cryptids, and only slightly better at video games than Takashi. Which is to say still pretty bad.

By the beginning of the second semester, Keith was constantly over at their apartment. The three of them spent most nights eating dinner together and doing work. Keith would do his homework, Takashi studied his mission briefings, and Adam graded his students’ tests or worked on his own research (synthesizing fuel additives, which according to Keith and Takashi was the most boring topic on earth, but they were dumb jocks so what did they know). It was nice, domestic. Adam rarely got back to Nebraska to see his family there, so he loved the little family that was shaping up here. Even if it was clear that Keith wasn’t as close with Adam as he was with Takashi.

---------------------

Saturday mornings were Adam’s alone time. He got up early, made himself coffee, and read a novel. Takashi teased him about being a grandpa several decades too early, but he liked being awake before anyone else and the quiet helped him decompress after a long and busy week.

Adam grabbed his mug and went to the couch, but it was already occupied. Keith was curled up asleep. Adam was sure he had locked the door when he went to bed, so Keith broke in or Takashi gave him a key. Both of which were equally plausible scenarios.

“Hey Keith, what are you doing here?” Adam asked, gently shaking the boy awake. Keith didn’t look great; he was even paler than normal and he was shivering despite the fact that Adam hadn’t yet turned on the air conditioning.

Keith blearily blinked awake, his eyes not fully focusing. “Shiro?”

Shit, he was really out of it. Adam placed a hand against his clammy forehead and grimaced when the heat under his hand confirmed his suspicions. Putting his coffee down, he ran around the house, gathering supplies. Thermometer from the medicine cabinet, towel for a cold compress from the bathroom, blanket pulled from Takashi’s sleeping arms, and a glass of water from the kitchen.

Adam spent the morning fussing over Keith, checking his temperature, encouraging him to drink and eat some bland crackers when he was at least mostly conscious, and watching him as he slept. When Takashi eventually woke up, he briefly checked on Keith, but once he was sure Adam had the situation under control, he ran out the door. Some higher up commander called him in for an emergency of some sort. Adam wasn’t entirely sure what pilots did all day but clearly important and time sensitive things.

Keith’s fever broke in the late afternoon and he started sleeping more soundly. When he opened his eyes after Adam had finished cleaning up the dinner dishes, they weren’t clouded like they had been all day.

“Adam? But where’s Shiro?” Keith asked sleepily.

“He’s been out all day -- got called in at work.”

“But he was taking care of me, wasn’t he? I remember him getting me water earlier.”

“That was me, Keith,” Adam said gently.

Keith furrowed his eyebrows, as if that information didn’t compute in his brain. “But… why?”

Why? Adam was shaken. He knew Keith didn’t trust him like he trusted Takashi, but did he seriously think that Adam would leave anybody who had passed out on his couch? Let alone Keith? Adam knew next to nothing about Keith’s history, but he was suddenly filled with seething anger at everyone who had left Keith feeling so abandoned. Who made him shocked by bare minimum kindness.

“Keith, you're like a little brother to me. Of course I’m going to take care of you when you’re sick.”

Keith didn’t respond for a while, making Adam concerned he had said the wrong thing and frightened him off. But eventually he just said “oh,” in the smallest voice. 

That was the last straw for Adam’s breaking heart and he swept Keith up in a tight hug. Keith tensed up like a feral cat preparing to bolt. But then he collapsed, burying his head in the crook of Adam’s neck and cried, his sobs violent as if they were escaping Keith’s body against his best efforts.

In between Keith’s heaving sobs, Adam stroked his back and told him that he was safe and cared for here, with Shiro and with him. That he wasn’t alone anymore.