Work Text:
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▪ background: audience noises, sun has set, changing room, an hour before the show
[character’s voice is somewhat nervous as it always is before performing, voice cracks galore]
▪ sfx: muffled noises from the audience, fellow actors going over their lines
[inhales] [exhales] [vocal exercises] [try singing some musical songs - take your pick, hit em chords]
Okay, you got this. It’s just a fundraiser. It’s not like your whole life is depending on this. You’re just performing for a bunch of people who want to have a good time. That’s all.
[knocking] [door opens - it’s your co-star]
Oh, hey you. What’s up?
Yeah, I’m ready. How ‘bout you?
Yeah? That’s good. Obviously none of us wants to mess up, even if it’s just a little fun thing we’re doing here. We gotta give them what they came here for, right?
Exactly. Gotta show them what we got.
[pause] [character’s voice is uneasy bc of concern, worry] Hey, are you alright?
Yeah?
Are you sure? You look really pale right now. And I don’t know if it’s the costume or the makeup or . . .
You don’t look so good. I mean, you look beautiful obviously but . . .
[she starts freaking out]
Okay, okay. Calm down. Come in, sit down. Walk me through it.
[she comes in, sits down on the couch, you do the same] Okay, what’s going on in that busy brain of yours?
[take a couple of pauses to show that you’re listening, acknowledge it from time to time - feel free to improv this, imagine that you’re actually trying to calm someone down]
Is it wrong to feel that way? God, no. It’s your first time performing, it’s natural.
[bragging tone] Not to mention, you get the main lead with me. You must’ve done something amazing in your life to achieve that.
[laughs] See? All that tension is getting to you. You need to loosen up, girl.
But then again, freaking out now is better than freaking out onstage.
Advice?
Um, okay let’s see. You can-
Does imagining everyone naked really work? [laughs] I mean, speaking from experience not really...?
Why not? Well...let’s just say I have a really great imagination and if I do imagine everyone naked, that’ll be really problematic. [whispers] Not to mention I might even go to jail.
[clears throat] But if it's something that'll work for you, I guess it won't hurt to try.
Me? Oh, I just give myself a pep-talk, you know, to hype myself up.
That doesn’t work for you? Well [pause] how about...I do it for you?
How? Hmm...let’s see. Stand up. Yes, stand up.
We have about an hour until the show starts so we have plenty of time. [chuckles] Don’t look so nervous. We’re just gonna do some exercises. So bear with me.
Okay, first up. Let’s do breathing exercises. Let’s take that tension, put it in an imaginary jar, and throw it in the ocean.
Yes. As the kids say nowadays, *yeet* it out.
Hey, don’t give me that look. I am *trying* to help you here.
Alright you know what, if we’re gonna do this properly, I need you to *not* judge me. So...close your eyes.
Yep, close ‘em right up. No peeking. Nada.
Okay, good. I’m still here, I’m not gonna leave you.
Here’s what we’re gonna do. When I tell you to breathe in, I want you to inhale and hold it in for 5 seconds. And when I tell you to breath out, I want you to exhale and hold it for 5 seconds. And we’re just gonna repeat that, okay?
So on my cue...breathe in [inhale, wait for 5 seconds] breathe out [exhale, wait for 5 seconds] [repeat for how long you want]
[character’s voice is now calm, collected, relaxed, ASMR-ish if you will - meditation-esque will now commence, remember to keep breathing, inhale, exhale]
I want you to imagine yourself by the beach, the wind brushing through your hair, the waves coming by and withdrawing back.
Feel the warm sand underneath your feet.
I want you to take in the sight. If the sun is going down, if the sun is going up. Look around, let your eyes wander. Are there other people around? Are you alone?
That tension sitting on your shoulders...I want you to grab it. Hold on to the sneaky piece of shit and put it in the jar.
Yes, the same imaginary jar I was talking about.
[hold yourself back from laughing] Mhmm, have you placed that sneaky shit inside?
Good. Close the lid tightly.
[pause] Now, walk towards the water. One step at a time, let the water soak your feet.
Good, that’s it. Now, that jar you’re holding? Yes.
I want you to throw it. Throw it to the ocean. On my count, one...two...three...and YEET.
Watch as the jar floats away into the ocean, riding the waves. Let the ocean take away your worry, your nervousness, that stupid tension.
[continue breathing exercises for a bit and stop]
And relax...
Was that good? Yeah? It helped?
That’s good. Did you enjoy yeeting those worries away? [chuckle]
[sigh] [pause]
Do you want to run your lines with me? Sing a few of the songs? No?
You don’t want to ruin your current head space as it is. Right. Gotcha.
[there’s awkward silence hanging in the air so you break it off bc you can’t take it]
I mean if we’re not so dressed up already, we could’ve done another exercise that will surely *melt* your stress away.
What is it? Well…
It’s gonna sound weird but...do you know those weird laughing exercises that went viral some time ago?
No? Oh, man.
[uneasy tone] Uh...how do I explain this to you.
Okay, so. What it is, is basically just doing some ‘ol regular exercises. For example, a lunge [lunge noises - i don’t know how to explain that but just do it] and then while you’re doing the lunge, you just [laugh - i mean it, laugh. your most sarcastic insensitive over the top laugh, the more ridiculous it is, the better].
And then, you do the other leg. So, lunge [lunge noises] and then [laugh]
(feel free to do this again until you get the groove, add in a squat or two if you’d like)
Yeah, that’s basically it.
[you notice that she starts laughing too]
See? [laughs pathetically at yourself bc you just did that in front of her]
Now, the tension is real gone. All I had to do was embarrass myself. [weakly] Yaay.
[knocking - stage director tells you how much time you have left before curtains are up]
Thank you! We’ll be there.
Are you okay now?
Yeah? Good.
No, yeah. It’s okay. It’s no problem AT ALL. It’s your first performance ever. It’s normal to be all nervous and jittery and freaked out.
Trust me, my first performance was all over the place too. My voice was cracking everywhere. I messed up a lot. [improv~ just a ‘lil sumthin for the listeners, maybe share the first time you’ve performed, how nervous you got etc.] It wasn’t pretty.
But you wanna know a cool thing though? After the show, people were actually congratulating me, telling me how much they loved my voice. They were really supportive.
Yeah, it really surprised me. So chances are, if you think you’re doing a *really* bad job, it’s probably just in your head.
They’re gonna love you, trust me.
[she starts telling you again how it’s her first time performing]
Darling, listen to me. The people out there? They do *not* know that it’s your first performance. They’re not sitting there, waiting to embarrass you. They’re there because they want to see you and hear you and watch you AS YOU ARE.
They’re probably thinking how confident you are, performing in front of so many people that you don’t even know.
So trust me, they’re not gonna throw tomatoes at you and boo you on stage, okay? There’s no one selling tomatoes for $1 on a cart outside.
Of course I checked!
[laughs] [she says thank you]
No problem. Just give it your all. Own the stage. Perform as if it’s as your last. And enjoy.
[sigh]
[she tells you she’s gonna go back to her changing room, maybe give some pep-talk for herself before the show starts]
Okay, go ahead. And just remember, breathe.
[she walks to the door and opens it]
Oh, another advice by the way. If you *do* mess up, that’s totally fine. Just don’t let the audience know that.