Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There was no gasping for breath, no choking, there was no breath for anything. Yoongi couldn’t dislodge the hands encasing his throat. He knew he had minutes to act or he would be another name in the papers - Seoul Strangler Strikes Again. It was ridiculous, how’d he even get in this situation? A random dinner with Hoseok and he was now fighting against a serial killer.

He had no leverage, his attacker was pressed against him using his weight to hold Yoongi in place while he strangled him, hands pressing against his throat cutting off oxygen and blood supply to his brain. He could feel the pressure building in his head while his lungs burned. Clawing at his attacker’s hands did little, pulling at his wrists was ineffective. Yoongi was losing strength in his arms quickly, his body was aching, his vision was blurring - he was suffocating, dying.

There wasn’t a lot of room in the bathroom cubicle but all Yoongi needed to do was get back to the dining area of the restaurant, just opening the bathroom door would be enough to alert people to the situation. He had no breath to scream and he needed to get away. Instead of using strength, Yoongi tried to twist and wiggle his way free. His attacker was surprised and the pressure around his throat eased enough for him to draw breath before the hands returned. The influx of air lifted the fog that had settled in Yoongi’s brain and he realised he had moved enough to be able to knee his attacker in the side. After the second hit, the man released one hand to try and stop Yoongi’s knee from connecting again.

It was enough for Yoongi to break free and run for the bathroom door.

----

Namjoon was enjoying the mildly heated discussion Jimin and Taehyung were having regarding some special ability in a manga they were reading. He wasn’t sure of the specifics of the argument but he was enjoying how the two articulated their arguments.

His ringing phone didn’t stop their discussion.

“Hey Hobi,” answered Namjoon.

“Namjoon…”

Namjoon was immediately on high alert, Hoseok’s tone telling him something was wrong.

“What happened?” he said. His tone quietened Jimin and Taehyung.

“I’m not sure but someone attacked Yoongi-hyung,” said Hoseok.

“Is he okay?” asked Namjoon.

“I don’t know, the doctors are still busy with him but the police,” Hoseok drew a deep breath, “the police think it’s the Seoul Stranger.”

“The Seoul Stranger?”

Jimin and Taehyung’s eyes widened at Namjoon’s words. Like most people, especially those living in Seoul, the members had been following the story of the Seoul Stranger. Over the last five months eight people had been strangled to death in public spaces, alleyways and parks. There appeared to be no particular victim type, random attacks on individuals who happened to be alone in the wrong place. Hoseok and Yoongi had gone for dinner at a restaurant and knew better than to walk around aimlessly in the city so Namjoon wasn’t sure how Yoongi had been attacked.

“I’m on my way,” said Namjoon.

He hung up and looked over at Jimin and Taehyung.

“Yoongi-hyung’s been attacked. He and Hoseok are at the hospital,” he said.

“I’ll drive,” said Jimin.

----

By the time Namjoon and Jimin arrived at the hospital, Yoongi was settled in a private room with a police officer at his door. He stopped them and asked for their IDs before knocking on the door. Some seconds passed before Hoseok opened it.

As soon as he saw them, he turned to the officer,

“They can come in,” he said.

Jimin’s eyes were bouncing between Hoseok, Namjoon and the officer. Hoseok was obviously used to the officer being there while Namjoon seemed accepting, Jimin wasn’t sure what the officer was doing there. Was he protecting Yoongi?

“The police don’t want too many people talking to Yoongi before they do,” said Hoseok after he closed the door behind them. “They want to take a statement as soon as possible.”

“How is he?” asked Namjoon, somewhat hesitant to walk over to the bed. He didn’t know what to expect.

“He’s okay,” he said as he headed back to Yoongi’s side. “It looks worse than it is - I mean, it’s not good but…”

“It’s okay,” reassured Jimin.

He said the words to help Hoseok because it really didn’t look okay. Yoongi wore a soft neck brace and an oxygen mask covered his face. He seemed to be breathing easily but there was a scratchy note to his breaths, and they could see bruises peaking out above the neck brace. Jimin didn’t like the stillness in Yoongi’s sleeping. He guessed it was due to medication but it was still unsettling.

“What did the doctor say?” asked Namjoon.

“Bruising, and um, swelling in his throat and er, petechiae in his eyes from the um, strangling,” said Hoseok. “His scans were clear but they’re going to do more scans tomorrow to make sure.”

“Clear of what?” asked Jimin.

“Brain swelling and bleeding,” Hoseok paused, worry clear on his face. “But the doctor said it’s unlikely. That he got away in time.”

“What did the police say?” asked Namjoon.

“Not much, just asked me some questions, if I saw anything,” said Hoseok.

“Did you?” asked Namjoon.

Hoseok shook his head.

“He went to pee and came crashing out the bathroom into a table,” he said. “He wasn’t even gone that long - minutes.”

Hoseok dropped his head into his hand. Jimin put his arm around Hoseok and gently rubbed his shoulder.

“He wasn’t awake when the police first came but they took photographs and all his clothes.” Hoseok paused and sniffed. "They kept coming out from behind the curtain with things, putting everything into bags. It was so horrible."

Namjoon knew enough about evidence to know it had to be collected and preserved, he just never imagined evidence collection being carried out on a friend, nor the unease of having seen it.

“He woke earlier but I don’t think he knew what was going on, he seemed more confused than scared. I think it’s the painkillers,” said Hoseok releasing a shaky breath.

“Are you okay?” asked Namjoon.

“Yeah, just… Shaken, I guess,” said Hosoek. “It happened so quickly.”

“Let Jimin take you home, I’ll stay,” said Namjoon. “I’ll let you know what’s happening.”

Namjoon knew Jimin would want to stay but only he had a driver’s license and Namjoon didn’t want Hoseok to drive so shaken.

“Let’s go, get some rest, okay?” said Jimin coaxing Hoseok to his feet.

“He was gone for minutes,” mumbled Hoseok.

Namjoon watched Jimin lead Hoseok away, whispering reassurances as they went. He felt Hoseok’s bewilderment at one short event changing everything so much.

----

It’s very early in the morning when Yoongi startled awake, his hands flying to his neck brace, scratching at it, a whining noise escaped his throat. Namjoon quickly reached forward and caught his hands, calling Yoongi’s name.

“You’re safe, hyung,” he said softly. “You’re safe.”

Either Namjoon’s words got through or Yoongi didn’t have the energy to fight further but he stopped struggling and lay still, trying to take deep breaths but wincing and coughing instead.

“Hyung,” said Namjoon. “It’s okay, you’re safe now.”

Hoseok had mentioned Yoongi’s eyes but when he opened them, Namjoon winced slightly. Red splodges marbled the whites of Yoongi’s eyes. It was made worse as his eyes darted around, trying to figure out where he was.

“Hey,” said Namjoon softly.

“Na-”

“Don’t try to talk yet,” said Namjoon. He squeezed Yoongi’s hand. “Your throat is bruised.”

Yoongi tried to nod but got caught against the neck brace. He pulled one of his hands free and felt the brace.

“It’s to help your neck muscles,” said Namjoon. “To support them while they recover.”

Yoongi started crying and pulling at the brace. Concerned that he’d hurt himself, Namjoon quickly stood and removed the brace. Yoongi seemed calmer without it but he was still crying, wiping his face and trying to move his head.

“Hyung, stop it. You’re going to hurt yourself,” said Namjoon, putting his hand on Yoongi’s forehead to try stop him moving.

Namjoon figured having something around your throat after being strangled wasn’t going to be comfortable, even if it was supposed to help. Yoongi didn’t cry for long before he was asleep again. Namjoon sat back down and watched Yoongi breathing. Without the neck brace, the bruising on Yoongi’s throat was vivid, and ugly.

Namjoon couldn’t imagine the force needed to bruise so extensively, the constant pressure. He felt sick at the thought. He thought Yoongi’s sleep looked more relaxed than it had before. But it could all be in his head as he tried to find something calming in the situation.

----

Yoongi put the neck brace back on after he woke up later that morning. His neck hurt less with it on even though it was uncomfortable. It hurt to swallow and talk, the painkillers dulled most of the pain unless he made a sudden movement. Namjoon was still with him, helping interpret his vague hand gestures into words while he tried to eat but his throat hurt and he felt sick. He felt sluggish and off centre, like he hadn’t shaken off a nightmare. He had some scans scheduled for later in the morning but first was a visit from the police. The thought of talking about the experience was filling Yoongi with dread. He felt he didn’t have any control over himself and he didn’t want to think about the attack, it was confusing and scared him.

When the detective shortly after breakfast, she introduced herself as Detective Park. Namjoon had started to leave but Yoongi had protested. He didn’t want to be alone with a stranger, he didn’t want to talk about the attack, he needed Namjoon with him. Detective Park allowed Namjoon to stay in the room but he wasn’t to participate or interrupt. She explained how the interview was going to progress before setting up a camera on the overbed table to record the conversation. She started with the date and time, who she was and who was in the room, the case and case number as well as where the interview was taking place. She handed Yoongi a small whiteboard and pen.

“When you write your answer, please show it to the camera.”

Yoongi looked at the whiteboard and pen in his hands then at the camera before looking at Namjoon. The bruises stood out sharply compared to the night before, and Yoongi’s bloodshot eyes looked worse with his anxious expression. Namjoon tried to give an encouraging smile but it didn’t look like it worked as Yoongi remained tense and unsure.

“In your own time, please tell me what happened?” asked Detective Park.

=I was at a restaurant= wrote Yoongi.

“Were you alone?” asked Detective Park.

Yoongi started shaking his head but stopped with a wince.

= With Jung Hoseok=

Yoongi wiped the board and started writing.

=We had finished eating and were just talking and stuff and I went to pee. When I was washing my hands, a guy come out the end cubicle and attacked me=

Yoongi looked at Namjoon every time he showed the board to the camera. Namjoon didn’t know if he was looking for reassurance or if he wanted to make sure Namjoon was reading his answers. It was difficult to read Yoongi’s expressions - pain and fear shadowed every expression and his body was stiff with jerky movements.

“Do you remember what he was wearing?” asked Detective Park.

=Black clothes and a mask and a beanie=

“Do you remember the type of clothes?” asked Detective Park. “Jeans, t-shirt or tracksuit?”

Yoongi was quiet for a bit.

“No,” he whispered.

“Was there anything on his clothing like a brand name or slogan?” prompted Detective Park.

Yoongi shrugged with a slight head shake.

“Can you describe how he attacked you?” Yoongi frowned at Detective Park’s words. “What was the first thing he did?”

Yoongi slowly wiped the whiteboard, clearing thinking about what to write, or rather how to write it.

=He came really close to me, when I tried to step away, he grabbed me by the throat=

“Did he say anything?” asked Detective Park.

Yoongi tried to shake his head.

“No,” he whispered.

“What about a smell? Maybe cigarette smoke or cologne?”

Yoongi shrugged.

“You said he was wearing a mask when he came out the cubicle,” started Detective Park, “did you see his face?”

Yoongi’s grip on the pen tightened as his frown deepened.

=I don’t remember=

“Did you see his eye colour maybe?” asked Detective Park watching Yoongi closely.

“What about the shape of his eyes?” tried Detective Park.

Yoongi tapped the whiteboard with the pen.

=I don’t remember=

“Was he taller than you?”

Yoongi cleaned the whiteboard and wrote ‘yes’.

“Do you recall his build - average or muscular?”

=Stronger than me. He pushed me around=

Detective Park paused for a second and Namjoon could see her rethinking the scenario, he was doing the same. He’d assumed that the attack happened at the wash basins but if Yoongi said he pushed him around, where did the attack take place?

“Did he try to take you somewhere?” asked Detective Park.

Yoongi frowned as he wrote.

=No, he pushed me into the cubicle=

Detective Park took some notes before looking up and making sure she had Yoongi’s attention.

“The same cubicle he came out of?” asked Detective Park.

Yoongi frowned as he cleared the white board.

=Maybe. I’m not sure=

“When he was strangling you, was he behind you or in front of you?”

=In front=

“Did he push you against the wall or on the floor?” asked Detective Park.

Namjoon saw Yoongi blinking as he wrote, his own eyes wanting to tear.

=Against the wall=

“Did he use both his hands?”

It wasn't noticeable with his hands but Namjoon could see the slight tremor in Yoongi’s writing.

=both=

“Did he try take you take you anywhere?”

Yoongi tried to take a breath but ended up coughing and roughly shook his head. Detective Park waited for Yoongi to regain his composure. Namjoon wanted to reach out and take Yoongi’s hand and reassure him but he sat on his hands instead.

“This is a difficult question,” she said. “While he was strangling you, did you feel any kind of sexual excitement?”

Namjoon and Yoongi were surprised by the question but after thinking for a bit, Yoongi wrote ‘no’ on the whiteboard and Namjoon felt relief for a thought that hadn’t even occurred to him. But the question had visibly upset Yoongi, he pressed his lips together and blinked rapidly.

“How did you get away?” she asked instead.

=I kneed him in the side and when he tried to stop me I got away=

“How many times did you knee him in the side?” asked Detective Park.

Yoongi shrugged.

“Did you hit him anywhere else?” she asked.

Yoongi put down the whiteboard and mimed clawing at his throat.

“Did you scratch him while he was strangling you?” asked Detective Park looking for clarification.

“Yes,” whispered Yoongi.

“What happened after you got free?” she asked.

=I ran out the bathroom=

“Did he follow you, try grabbing you?”

Yoongi shrugged.

=I don’t know=

“Did he say anything when you ran away?”

=I don’t remember=

“Did you notice anyone following you when you went to the restaurant?”

“No,” whispered Yoongi, wiping his eyes, then wincing and trying not to cry. He locked eyes with Namjoon, begging him.

Detective Park wasn’t blind to Yoongi’s suffering.

“I think we have enough for now,” she said.

Yoongi kept his eyes downcast while Detective Park signed off the interview and gathered her things. She was hardly out the door before Yoongi started crying and Namjoon near leapt from his seat to get to Yoongi’s side.

“Don’t remember,” whispered Yoongi.

“It’s okay, don’t try to talk,” said Namjoon

Yoongi held tightly onto Namjoon’s hand as he got his snuffles under control.

“You need anything?” asked Namjoon.

Yoongi shook his head and Namjoon felt gutted when Yoongi’s face crumbled a little in pain.

Namjoon kept hold of Yoongi’s hand till the nurse came to collect Yoongi for his last scans before he could go home. Namjoon hated the way Yoongi looked back at him as the nurse wheeled him round the corner where Namjoon wasn’t allowed to follow.

“I’ll be right here, hyung.”

But Hoseok had been right there too.

----

SUGA of BTS Survives Seoul Strangler!

The headline alliteration was nauseating. Namjoon tossed his phone next to him where he sat on the hospital bed waiting for Yoongi to finish in the bathroom. Sejin had brought some clothes for Yoongi. Now that his second round of scans had come back clear, he was free to be discharged.

The doctor had given Namjoon a list of things to look out for in case of any delayed complications and a suggested diet for soft food. He’d also suggested that Yoongi keep wearing the neck brace when awake as a precautionary measure and to help his bruised neck muscles. Namjoon knew Yoongi was reluctant to wear the neck brace in public but he also knew Yoongi was sensible when it came to injuries - years of performing made them all conscious of their limits and the need to work within them. The doctor had said Yoongi could talk if he needed to, it was up to him, what he felt comfortable with.

Namjoon looked up when Yoongi finally stepped out the bathroom. Sejin had also brought a scarf and sunglasses so Yoongi could hide the neck brace and bloodshot eyes if he wanted, and he did. Only his hands were uncovered but even as he walked out the bathroom, he pulled the hoodie sleeves over his fingers.

Namjoon pocketed his phone and the two left the room with Yoongi pulling his hoodie ties tighter around his face. Sejin and their bodyguard were waiting outside along with Detective Park.

“If you think of anything else, please call me,” she said with her business card offered.

Yoongi eyed it for a second before taking it and giving her a short bow. All communication was supposed to go through their managers but Namjoon felt like Detective Park was more interested in getting information from Yoongi and catching the Seoul Strangler than following idol management communication protocols. She followed them to the waiting car and watched them press through the media.

Once they were inside the car, the media turned to Detective Park for answers but she remained unfazed giving the generic ongoing investigation answers. Namjoon turned his attention to Yoongi once the car was free of the hospital parking. He wanted to ask how Yoongi was doing, if he wanted or needed anything but the rapper’s body language was closed and rigid. Instead of asking anything, Namjoon placed his hand on top of Yoongi’s, fingers slightly curled around Yoongi’s thumb, and looked out the window. He kept his sigh of relief to himself when Yoongi relaxed his hand and took hold of Namjoon’s fingers with his own, but he did catch Sejin’s eye in silent communication. It was a small gesture but enough for them at that moment.

----

Seokjin, Jungkook and Taehyung hadn’t gone to the hospital to see Yoongi. As much as they wanted to, Sejin and Namjoon had argued against it - it was too high profile already and Yoongi wasn’t staying for any length of time. Hoseok and Jimin had agreed with them so they were all waiting in the lounge for Yoongi and Namjoon to come home. Namjoon had messaged them when they left the hospital, he’d also mentioned that Yoongi wasn’t doing great and to be respectful when they got home. Hoseok and Jimin had an idea of Yoongi’s injuries but they were still surprised when Yoongi stepped through the door bundled up in clothing. Yoongi stopped short when he saw them standing, waiting. In unspoken agreement, members backed off and tried to create an air of normalcy.

Still Yoongi hesitated, seeming torn. He pulled his hoodie back first, followed by taking off the scarf and hanging it up. He was stalling taking off his sunglasses, he knew his eyes looked awful, he knew the darkened bruising was visible above the neck brace - he felt like he couldn’t draw breath, he felt the presence around this throat, he felt like he was choking all over again.

“Hyung.”

Yoongi blinked a few times, and released his grip on the scarf he’d just hung.

“It’s okay,” said Namjoon.

Yoongi sunk to his knees, tears falling.

“I thought I was going to die,” he whispered.

Namjoon reached out to touch Yoongi’s shoulder but pulled back when he flinched violently.

“Sorry,” mumbled Namjoon which caused Yoongi to collapse into sobs.

Namjoon wanted to cry himself. The whole ordeal with the police, the scans and leaving the hospital had him drained, he could even begin to imagine what Yoongi was going through or feeling right now. He looked up to see Hoseok was also crying, everyone was anxious, not sure what to do.

“Hyung, you’re at home now,” he said.

Yoongi nodded and wiped his face, careful to keep his sunglasses in place.

“Hyung, you can take those off,” said Namjoon. “You’re at home - no one’s going to judge you.”

“Not judging,” said Yoongi softly. “Reminder.”

Yoongi scratched at the neck brace.

“Reminder.”

Namjoon didn’t know how to tell Yoongi there would always be a reminder - something expected, something unexpected, some kind of trigger that would bring the whole ordeal back to him. That he wasn’t going to walk away from nearly being killed without any struggle.

Before he could figure out the words, Yoongi got to his feet and took off the sunglasses and neck brace. Even though he looked upset, there was a determination in his stance. Namjoon was sure he was the only one to catch Yoongi’s quick intake of breath before he turned to face the others.

Hoseok didn’t need to see it again and Yoongi’s tears hadn’t helped. The bruises were dark and yellowed at the edges, his bloodshot eyes were made overly dramatic from his tears. He knew he looked awful, battered. He knew it was upsetting for others to look at him, it was upsetting for himself. He could see the upset in all their eyes, their hesitation to come forward.

“Can I hug you?” asked Jimin suddenly.

Yoongi’s lip trembled as he realised they were hesitating because they thought they would scare him, his reaction to Namjoon’s touch hadn’t helped. He’d barely nodded before he found himself engulfed.

----

Namjoon didn’t get much sleep. His mind was in turmoil, running over the police interview over and over, Yoongi’s expressions of distress seared into his mind. Yoongi had fallen asleep with little effort, mostly due to pain medication but Namjoon was sure mental exhaustion was also at play. He’d checked on Yoongi a couple of times during the night but he slept solidly even with Taehyung appearing next to him sometime in the early hours of the morning.

Namjoon’s thoughts were also rolling round what to do regarding work. All activities were paused. Yoongi had been medically booked off for a week and the doctor had advised a further week of limited activities that would irritate his neck muscle. Not only did Yoongi need time to recover, he was now also linked to a major serial killer case as a surviving witness. Yoongi, and by association the other members and Big Hit, would be finding themselves inundated from various media sources. No longer was it going to be just the entertainment section, but crime and news journalists would be wanting to get in on the story. It worried Namjoon and made his mind restless.

But Namjoon’s biggest concern was how Yoongi would manage the stress of returning to work, the new attention leveled his way, the constant reminder. The news feed was already full of theories - was SUGA targeted, was it an obsessive fan working up toward his true goal, was it a random encounter like the other murders suggested, what were the police doing, were they going to do more than that a famous person had been attacked, demands for a suspect arrest or a description of the suspect.

The last one upset Namjoon the most as he knew Yoongi couldn’t remember, might not ever remember. The Seoul Strangler had been right up against Yoongi, killing him, and he couldn’t describe what he looked like, Namjoon knew it would worry Yoongi, and Namjoon was worried it would aggravate his fear of crowds and social interactions would become harder than they already were.

----

The first day at home was quiet for Yoongi, he slept most of the day. Apart from the pain, he was exhausted by the whole experience, he felt slightly disconnected - had someone really tried to kill him? Had he spoken to a detective? Why did they go to that restaurant? Was it the Seoul Strangler? A serial killer… Or an anti-fan? Why did he go pee then, he could have waited till they got back home. Was he still a witness if he couldn’t remember the most important part - what his attacker looked like. Would his attacker come back for him? It was easier to sleep than try organise his thoughts.

The second day home was worse. He felt fidgety all morning, he hadn’t gone online, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what was going on. It still hurt to eat but talking softly wasn’t a problem, and the neck brace was starting to feel suffocating, like hands around his throat and he couldn’t wear it without starting to feel slightly panicked and fearful. The doctor had recommended wearing it but Yoongi wasn’t sure he could. After a couple of attempts, he left it on his desk. He saw the members eyeing it when they came in but no one said anything for which Yoongi was grateful. His sluggish worries from the day before were now sharp and focused, occupying all his thoughts. He tried to distract himself but his thoughts always turned back to the attack, it was all he could think of - what had he even eaten at that restaurant?

It didn’t help that the members milled around the house unsure what to do, constantly checking up on Yoongi. Hoseok, in particular, hovered round, ready to assist or check if Yoongi needed anything. Their nervous energy was feeding Yoongi’s anxiety. Did they think something was going to happen? Has the police said anything? Was his attacker coming back for him? Would Yoongi recognise him if he did?

At lunch he brought up going into work the next day.

“Are you sure?” asked Seokjin. “The doctor booked you off for a week.”

“I know,” said Yoongi fiddling with the neckline of his top, “but I don’t like…”

Yoongi didn’t know how to put into words how he was feeling. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be at home, but there was little to distract him and he didn’t want to say that the members drifting around always checking on him made him anxious, like everyone was waiting for a breakdown.

He tried to come up with a simple explanation but couldn’t so gave up and pushed the soft food around his plate.

“I’m not stopping you,” said Seokjin. “I don’t want you to think you have to rush back into work.”

“I want to go in tomorrow,” said Yoongi, not looking up from his plate.

“You must do what you think is best for you,” said Namjoon.

Yoongi nodded and the conversation moved on without him. He felt like he was being treated like a child that didn’t know what he wanted. It was well meaning but he still didn’t like it. The members might have got the message as they backed off and tried less to check on him all afternoon. It didn’t make Yoongi feel any less restless but it didn’t make him feel worse. Dinner was more relaxed than lunch had been and Yoongi was grateful for that, he’d begun to think he’d disrupted their harmony with his earlier behaviour. He suspected there may have been a discussion between them about him, not in a negative way but in a way to be more supportive and understanding, less crowding his space.

“Do you want to continue with the current schedule?” asked Namjoon. “Is there anything you want to change?”

“No, it can stay as it is,” said Yoongi. He wanted life to go as usual.

“Will you be able to dance?” asked Hoseok.

Yoongi nodded.

“My neck does hurt a little, but not really when I move it - it’s more like an ache,” he said.

“It’s not like we haven’t had to work around an aching body part,” said Jimin.

There was a moment of quiet where everyone considered their previous injuries and Yoongi’s current injury.

“Okay,” said Namjoon. He didn’t want to stop Yoongi doing what he felt he needed to do, but he was also very worried that he was rushing back into work.

After dinner when Yoongi went to shower, he found himself staring at the vivid bruises around his throat, the longer he stared, the more he could feel hands squeezing. He wanted to call for help but couldn’t make a sound. He could hear the members in the apartment, just like the patrons in the restaurant.

“Help me…”

The sound barely made it to Yoongi's ears. He was trembling, he felt lightheaded, he needed to draw a proper breath or he was going to pass out, but the hands were squeezing and he couldn’t breath.

He was alone, he was dying, he felt tiles against his back. Blinking back tears, he realised he was lying on the bathroom floor. He lay for a few seconds taking deep breaths, calming this thumping heart. He crawled out the bathroom and collapsed against the passageway wall waiting for the light headedness to pass. His throat ached from his gasping breaths and he felt thirsty.

When he felt steady enough he got to his feet and headed to the kitchen.

“Hyung.”

Yoongi turned to see Namjoon.

“Are you okay?”

Yoongi nodded, but was he okay?

“You don’t look okay, you look really pale, and sweaty, and like you've been crying,” said Namjoon as he took careful note of Yoongi’s appearance.

“Oh…”

Yoongi gestured vaguely toward the bathroom.

“Did you remember something?”

Yoongi shook his head.

“Just, dunno, a flashback, I guess,” he said.

“Are you okay?” Namjoon asked again.

Yoongi started to say something but shrugged instead. Should he say that he may have passed out in the bathroom from a memory?

“How long would you wait before you looked for me?” he asked.

Namjoon carefully schooled his features. He didn’t think Yoongi was blaming Hoseok for not coming to find him in the restaurant, but he was thinking about something.

“How long do you want me to wait?” he asked.

“I think I passed out a little in the bathroom,” admitted Yoongi.

“When? Now?”

Yoongi nodded.

“I was just remembering, and it was difficult to breath, and…”

Yoongi’s chest felt tight again.

“And I tried to call, but-” He stopped to draw a shaky breath.

“Hyung, it’s okay”

Yoongi shook his head and blinked as tears started to fall, his top felt tight against his throat. He tried taking a deep breath, pulling the neckline of his top. Namjoon stepped closer and put his hand on Yoongi’s shoulder but Yoongi pushed him away and stumbled backward till he hit the counter. Namjoon could see the fear in eyes, the trembling and panicked breathing. He didn’t step closer but waited for Yoongi.

They stood in silence for a long time, Namjoon waiting and Yoongi just breathing deep breaths.

“Sorry I pushed you,” said Yoongi.

“Sorry I startled you,” said Namjoon.

Yoongi gave a weak smile.

“Do you still want to go in tomorrow?” asked Namjoon.

“Yeah,” said Yoongi. “I want to go in tomorrow.”

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow then,” said Namjoon.

“Yeah, g’night,” said Yoongi.

Only after Namjoon had left did Yoongi push himself off the counter, relieved to have the space back. But then he felt a sudden urge to follow Namjoon, he didn’t want to be alone in the kitchen. He didn’t want to be alone at all. He wanted space when Namjoon was in the kitchen and now he wanted Namjoon to come back. He felt confused by the conflict within him.

He also needed to shower but couldn’t face the idea of going back into the bathroom right then. Stepping out of the kitchen, he saw no one was in the lounge and felt a little disappointed as it would have allowed him to be with someone but also with some space. It was still early so he was sure the members would be awake but he didn’t know who he wanted to be with, he just didn’t want to be alone.

Maybe he should see what Seokjin was doing, they’d shared a room before so would be comfortable in each other’s presence. But as he started toward Seokjin’s bedroom, he realised it was more than not wanting to be alone right then, he didn’t want to sleep alone either. He changed direction and headed to Taehyung’s bedroom and tapped lightly on the door.

“Yeah?”

Yoongi opened the door and stuck his head in.

“Are you busy?” he asked.

“Just reading,” said Taehyung. He watched Yoongi hang around the doorway. “Do you want to watch some Youtube with me?”

Yoongi looked relieved as he nodded and came into the bedroom. He hadn’t known how to ask if he could sleep there but Taehyung seemed to understand. Taehyung got his laptop as Yoongi climbed into his bed. The first video wasn’t half way before Yoongi was asleep. Taehyung left the video playing and picked up his phone to message Namjoon.

=Yoongi’s sleeping in my bed. Did something happen?=

The message was read and a moment later there was a light knock on his door before Namjoon opened it. Taehyung pointed to where Yoongi was curled deep in the duvet.

“He said he was okay,” said Namjoon with a shake of his head. “He had a flashback in the bathroom. I didn’t think to think how it would affect him.”

“Did he remember anything?” asked Taehyung.

Namjoon shook his head.

“He said he didn’t, but I think it was pretty bad.”

Namjoon felt a little like he hadn’t truly realised what Yoongi had told him in the kitchen, the full extent of what Yoongi had experienced in the bathroom.

Namjoon went to bed troubled and was up earlier than usual. He sat coffee in hand, thinking about his exchange with Yoongi the night before.

“Everything okay?” asked Seokjin, joining him with his own coffee.

“I’m not sure,” said Namjoon.

“Did something happen? Yoongi’s not in his bedroom,” said Seokjin, guessing at the problem.

“He’s in Taehyung’s bedroom,” said Namjoon, swirling the dregs of his coffee round the bottom of the mug.

“What are they doing up so early?” asked Seokjin.

Namjoon shook his head.

“Yoongi-hyung slept in Taehyung’s bedroom last night.”

“Oh. What happened?”

“I’m not sure but I think he had some kind of panic attack last night. I don’t think I realised what he was saying when he told me,” said Namjoon. “Or more, I don’t think I realised the after effects of what he was saying.”

Namjoon looked up from his coffee cup.

“Yoongi-hyung didn’t seem sure, but he mentioned passing out in the bathroom last night,” said Namjoon, matching Soekjin’s sudden frown. “I don’t think I really put together what he was saying. He was so caught up in remembering, he couldn’t breathe properly.”

“What did you say?” asked Seokjin.

“I asked him if he was still okay to go to work today,” said Namjoon. “Thinking about it now, it kinda sounded like I wanted to know if he could still work instead of asking if he was okay.”

“I’m sure Yoongi didn’t take it that way,” said Seokjin.

“Maybe, but he was upset enough to not sleep alone,” said Namjoon.

Seokjin didn’t have a response.

“I just feel like I missed something important, like Yoongi-hyung was asking for help and I walked away,” admitted Namjoon.

“Ask him,” said Seokjin. “Yoongi might not know either, it’s not like any of us have any experience in dealing with nearly being killed. I’m not trying to be funny right now, I’m serious. Yoongi almost died, he was almost murdered, someone we care and love was almost murdered - I don’t know what to think half the time. I feel sick everytime I see the bruising, knowing how it got there.

“And the media always speculating doesn’t help. Was Yoongi targeted, what did he tell the police, why hasn’t the Seoul Strangler been arrested - it’s all endless and Yoongi can’t remember. He survived an attack and still gets negative comments.”

Seokjin paused, drawing a breath to immediately breathe it out.

“Yoongi might also not be aware of the extent of the after effects. It’s been two days, one of which he slept away under medication.”

Only two days… Maybe Seokjin was right about Yoongi not knowing what he was experiencing. The rest of the members had a couple of days of adjustments while Yoongi was grappling with the reality of the situation clear headed for the first time since it happened, actually seeing the mottled bruising around his throat, registering the situation now that shock and medication had worn off. He thought about when Yoongi first got home and spoke about reminders and Namjoon hadn’t known how to tell him there were going to always be reminders and triggers. But maybe it wasn’t only triggers for Yoongi.

----

Big Hit was always surrounded by some media, usually gossip rags, and fans. The crowd today was so much larger. Yoongi unconsciously sunk lower in his seat even though he wasn’t looking out the window. Camera flashes and voices made it into the car - famous idol and infamous serial killer linked together.

Namjoon followed Yoongi to his studio, not really to make sure he got there but because he wanted to talk to him.

“What did you want to talk about?” asked Yoongi as he closed the door. He seemed genuinely confused.

“About what I said last night,” said Namjoon, causing Yoongi to look more confused.

“Last night?”

“When I found you in the kitchen,” said Namjoon. “When I asked if you were okay to come in today.”

“Oh.” Yoongi got a guarded look. The lunchtime conversation rolling round his head. “Shouldn’t I be here?”

“No, no. You should,” assured Namjoon. “If you want to be here, then be here.”

“Okay.” Though he didn’t look convinced.

“I didn’t want - I don’t want you to think I was just concerned about you being able to work, that your only value was as a work colleague. I thought maybe what I said could be misunderstood,” said Namjoon.

“I didn’t think that,” said Yoongi.

“I know you didn’t, but I just…” Namjoon wasn’t entirely sure himself. “I just couldn’t let go of the idea that what I said could have been misunderstood.”

“Are you okay?” asked Yoongi.

Namjoon just looked at Yoongi looking at him with bloodshot eyes and purple bruising around his throat. Why was Yoongi concerned about him at this time?

“Of course I’m okay,” said Namjoon.

“But you really aren’t,” said Yoongi. “You’re fixating on a possible misunderstanding that you admitted, right now, that you know I wouldn’t have misunderstood - are you okay?”

They stared at each other for a couple of seconds before Namjoon’s shoulders slumped.

“Maybe not,” he said.

Yoongi waited for Namjoon to continue.

“I dunno - I feel a bit lost really,” he said. “Like I don’t know how to help you.”

“Help me?”

“Yeah, last night you slept in Taehyung’s bedroom - why didn’t you say anything to me?” asked Namjoon.

“Oh, um,” Yoongi frowned. “I didn’t… It wasn’t… Only after you left the kitchen did I feel, um, I dunno - I suddenly didn’t want to be alone.”

“You could’ve come to me,” said Namjoon.

“Taehyung likes sharing his bed,” said Yoongi softly.

“True, but I would have let you sleep with me if you asked,” said Namjoon.

“I didn’t really think about it, I just did it,” said Yoongi. He was beginning to feel like Namjoon was questioning him and he didn’t have answers. Like he didn’t have answers for Detective Park.

But Namjoon seemed to sense it.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to question what you were thinking,” he said. “I wanted you to know that I’m here for you, but it came out wrong.”

“I know you are,” sighed Yoongi. “All of you are.”

Yoongi took a deep breath as he looked around his studio but not seeing what he was looking at.

“I don’t know what I’m feeling,” he said. “It’s all confusing at the time.”

Namjoon hesitantly started to pull Yoongi into a hug when his eyes started watering. Yoongi dropped his head against Namjoon’s chest.

“I feel like crying all the time, I want to sleep all the time, I don’t want to be alone and I don’t want people in my space,” sniffed Yoongi.

“Do you want me to stay while you work?” asked Namjoon.

Yoongi stepped back and shook his head.

“Are you sure, hyung?” pressed Namjoon.

Yoongi hesitated and Namjoon looked worried.

“Sometimes the concern feels… um…”

“Too much?” suggested Namjoon. They both knew Yoongi didn't want to say suffocating.

“I’ll see you later at dance practice, okay?” said Namjoon.

Yoongi nodded.

“See you later.”

“My phone is right next to me and my door is open,” added Namjoon.

Yoongi gave a small smile.

“I will,” he promised.

----

Everyone was poised, waiting for the music to start. The first beat hit as Yoongi caught Jungkook’s reflection in the mirror and stopped. He’d seen Jungkook in the black tracksuit that morning but something about looking at it reflected in the mirror made him stop. He knew it was Jungkook but he was fixated on the black hoodie and track pants that Jungkook was wearing. Had his attacker been wearing a tracksuit? He remembered Detective Park asking him what he wore, at the time he could remember but he thought now that maybe he had been wearing a tracksuit.

“Hyung?” It was Namjoon.

“Huh?”

The studio was quiet. He looked over to the music centre wondering when the music had stopped.

“Are you okay? Do you want to stop?”

“Tracksuit,” said Yoongi. “He was wearing a tracksuit.”

Namjoon didn’t need to know who ‘he’ was.

“Do you want to stop?” he asked.

Yoongi shook his head.

“You sure?” asked Hoseok.

Yoongi nodded.

“Can we start from the beginning?” he asked.

Everyone got back into position and the music started again. Yoongi didn’t stop this time but he was clearly distracted by Jungkook’s tracksuit. He spent more time looking at it than at what he was doing and where he was going. He was off beat and the others had to side step or he would bump into them. No one was sure what to do as Yoongi didn’t seem scared or even nervous, if anything, his expression could be described as curious. After they’d run through the choreography for the song, Jungkook took off his hoodie and took a long swing of his water bottle as if he was getting hot. Yoongi eyed the bundled hoodie for a bit before giving himself a shake and turning his attention to dance practice.

Namjoon quickly tapped out a message to Sejin to let Detective Park know that the Seoul Strangler had been wearing a tracksuit when he attacked Yoongi, also letting Sejin know that Yoongi didn’t seem upset and hadn’t mentioned anything else.

The next couple of run throughs were eventless but Yoongi was distracted at times - he didn’t look distressed but he was thinking about the attack. The members could tell by the way fidgeted with the neckline of his top. It was an upsetting habit.

They took a break when the backup dancers started to arrive, and again Yoongi started staring at their black tracksuits.

“Bathroom break,” said Yoongi as the dancers started getting ready to practice. He left the room before anyone could say anything.

Now that Yoongi remembered his attacker wore a black tracksuit, it was all he could think it of. First Jungkook’s tracksuit and then the backup dancers’ tracksuits. He knew he was distracted and putting off the rhythm of the afternoon’s practice but couldn’t shake his thoughts. He hoped stepping out for a bit would change that and he could get back into practice.

But a bathroom break hadn’t been a good choice. It wasn’t a public bathroom, but it had the look of a public bathroom. A row of cubicles and a row of basins. Yoongi had stopped, door still in hand, when he noticed the similarity. His gaze focused on the last cubicle, a glance in the mirror showed him the door was closed enough for someone to be hiding. But that was a ridiculous thought. Only staff could get into the building but still Yoongi couldn’t cross into the bathroom with the door to the cubicle half closed.

He could feel fear building while he stared at the last cubicle. It wasn’t as bad as the night before, but his heart was beating fast, his breathing felt shaky and hands were ghosting over his throat.

A shadow came up beside causing him to stumble back and swat away the hand reaching for him. Only after registering that one of the backup dancers, did Yoongi realise the dancer had called his name.

“Sorry,” he said.

“I called but-”

“It’s okay - I didn’t hear you at first,” said Yoongi.

Yoongi noticed the dancer’s eyes kept dropping to his throat. Of course everyone knew about the attack, even if it hadn’t been on the news, Big Hit staff would have been informed, but it must still be shocking to see. Yoongi wished he had a scarf or had worn a poloneck. But then they’d be staring at his eyes.

“Sorry,” said the backup dancer, but before Yoongi could say anything he continued, gesturing toward the bathroom, “are you…?”

“Ah, yeah,” nodded Yoongi and forced himself to step into the bathroom, very aware of the backup dancer behind him in a black tracksuit.

In an effort to hide, Yoongi ducked into the first cubicle and accidently closed the door with a little more force than needed. But being in the cubicle made the situation worse, he felt trapped again. He didn’t feel like he couldn’t breath but he was sweating and his stomach was twisting. He felt saliva pooling under his tongue and had enough presence of mind to step forward and throw up in the toilet instead of all over the floor.

The backup dancer must have let someone in the studio know what was going on because as Yoongi was gagging and coughing over the toilet, he heard the others calling his name, asking him to unlock the door. He wanted to answer but his voice got stuck in his throat, he wanted to get up but he couldn’t move. He was getting dizzy and the more he tried to draw breath, the harder it became. He could feel hands grabbing him and tried to fight them off but it was difficult, they were stronger than him and he couldn’t get away.

Yoongi suddenly found himself in the passage outside the bathroom. He was on the ground, his breathing was harsh in his ears, his throat and chest hurt from throwing up. It took a moment before he realised the people kneeling around him were the members.

“Yoongi?”

Seokjin was almost on the floor with Yoongi so he could look Yoongi in the eye.

“Hyung…”

Seokjin took it as a sign Yoongi was with them and got himself and Yoongi into an upright position.

“How are you feeling?” asked Namjoon as he took position next to Seokjin.

Yoongi shrugged. He wasn’t sure how he felt - drained and confused but also aware of what was going on.

“What are you feeling?” amended Namjoon.

“Dunno - confused… Tired…” Yoongi trailed off. “Not tired, I- I don’t.”

Yoongi didn’t know what he was feeling, it was all jumbled and he couldn’t put it into words.

“Do you want to go home?” asked Seokjin.

“No,” said Yoongi a little forcefully. He definitely didn’t want to be alone.

“You won’t be alone,” said Seokjin, easily reading Yoongi. “Someone will be with you.”

Did he want to go home? Was it better? It might be worse at Big Hit with all the backup dancers moving around and the “public” bathrooms. Yoongi wasn’t sure. He’d felt anxious and restless at home yesterday but it wasn’t as if today was any better. He didn’t feel as restless but he was still anxious and maybe distracted somewhat - he wasn’t sure. No matter where he was he didn’t feel like himself. He didn’t know what he wanted to do, he didn’t know how he was feeling, he only felt sick.

And scared.

He was scared.

Instead of giving an answer, Yoongi felt himself start crying. Again.

Seokjin pulled him into a hug and let him cry softly into his shoulder.

They were all so out of their depth.

“I’m taking you home. Let’s take the week off like the doctor said, okay?” said Seokjin, meeting Namjoon’s eye over Yoongi’s head. Namjoon nodded in agreement.

“I’ll get your things,” said Jungkook taking off back to the dance studio.

Seokjin helped Yoongi to his feet headed toward the garage with slow steps so Jungkook could catch up to them with the gear.

The drive home was quiet. Yoongi didn’t want to talk and Seokjin didn’t know what to say. Seokjin watched Yoongi trail over to the sofa and sit down, his expression blank. He took a seat next to him. Much like the other members, Seokjin had no idea what to do, or if he needed to do anything, so he sat there just to be there.

Seokjin didn’t keep track of the time they spent sitting on the sofa. He wasn’t going to pretend he understood what Yoongi was going through, but he couldn’t ignore what he was going through. As he had said to Namjoon just that morning, he felt sick whenever he saw the bruises on Yoongi’s throat.

Worry and anger swirled around inside sitting on the sofa. The scene in the bathroom replayed in his head - Yoongi not responding to their calls and Jimin’s desperate scrabble into the cubicle to unlock it. The worst was how Yoongi had fought them, scared and confused with no idea they were trying to help him. And now Seokjin sat on the sofa with no idea how to help him.

He worried about Yoongi and he was angry at the Seoul Stranger and didn’t know what to do about any of it.

“Hyung.”

“Yeah,” said Seokjin, turning to face Yoongi.

“Are you hungry?” he asked.

“Yeah, are you hungry?”

Yoongi nodded.

“Want to help me cook something?” he asked.

“Let’s go,” said Seokjin.

He got to his feet and waited for Yoongi to join him before heading to the kitchen. Seokjin didn’t know what to do about the situation they were in but he knew he could cook with Yoongi right then.

----

Yoongi drew a bath instead of showering that evening. He wanted to relax his muscles and find a bit of peace. There was a ridiculous amount of food in the fridge. Cooking had been somewhat distracting and Seokjin had kept making meal suggestions so they kept cooking all afternoon. Not that it would go to waste, the members tucked in as soon as they got home and Yoongi was feeling better than he had since he got home from the hospital. But the day has worn him out emotionally. He was somewhat glad Seokjin had made him come home and had enforced the doctor’s recommendation of staying at home for the week. Feeling as he was, it was better if he stayed at home out of the eyes of the media and the well-meaning but anxiety inducing concerns of the Big Hit staff.

After his bath he watched Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook play some games in the lounge, occasionally throwing in comments or encouragements. He was starting to get tired and like the night before, he suddenly didn’t want to be alone. The three in front of him were still in full swing and didn’t show any signs of wanting to wrap up and head to bed. Namjoon had said his door was open but Yoongi didn’t want to cause him worry and Seokjin had spent the entire afternoon with him. Yoongi felt bad for not wanting to ask Hoseok, he hated that he felt like Hoseok was constantly checking up on him. He hated the guilt in Hoseok’s eyes when he looked at him. Yoongi justified not wanting to ask Hoseok with him also preferring to sleep alone, but Yoongi knew none of them would object if he asked.

He could also stay in the lounge, sleep where he was. It was fairly comfortable, he wasn’t alone and it wasn’t the strangest place he’d ever slept. Even as the thought crossed his mind, his body grabbed it and he drifted off but woke when he hit the floor entangled in a blanket late into the night. It was dark and quiet, and he was alone. He struggled to free himself from the blanket and the remnants of his nightmare. His neck hurt and he could feel tears in his eyes. He felt scared and trapped. He scrambled free of the blanket and stood in the middle of the lounge taking deep breaths. It was a nightmare, he was at home, there was no dark figure looming over him, hurting him, killing him.

Feeling some sense of control again, Yoongi picked up the blanket and headed for his bedroom. He snapped on his bedside light and sat for a bit. He’d been expecting nightmares so he couldn’t say he was surprised but he still felt unsettled even as the dregs of the nightmare faded leaving him with the reality of his memories.

Feeling all over the place, Yoongi went over to his desk and pulled out his notepad. He drummed an aimless beat with his pen while staring at the seemingly massive expanse of paper with no idea where to start.

He was still staring when the sun rose and the members started to wake. By then the page seemed to be taunting him, his want to write being crushed by the lack of words to describe what was going on in his head.

----

The following morning, Namjoon found Yoongi in the same position - at his desk with a blank page and a restless night echoing in his head.

“The police have made an arrest and want you to identify the Seoul Stranger.”

Yoongi gave a soft ‘oh’ before lapsing into silence.

“When?” he asked after a bit.

“As soon as you can,” said Namjoon.

“Today?”

Namjoon worried at Yoongi’s panicked expression. He knew the police were pressed for time but he also didn’t want to force Yoongi to do something he didn’t want to, or wasn’t ready to do.

“If you can,” he said.

Yoongi stared at the blank pages for a while.

“Okay,” he finally said. “Now, I’ll go now.”

He had to go now. He couldn’t remember what his attacker looked like but he also wanted to know he’d been arrested. Because once his attacker was arrested and in jail, he would be okay again. He had to be okay again.

Chapter Text

A/N I’ve created the legal aspects of this story purely for dramatic effect and they are not based on any actual legal procedure.

Detective Park was waiting for him when he arrived with Sejin and took them to a small room first where she explained the process, told him that the suspects couldn’t see him and that it was okay if he didn’t recognise anyone. It was all pretty straight forward but Yoongi was nervous to go in alone but Sejin assured him he’d be right outside - standing right where was now. Yoongi felt his stomach twist when walked into the room and saw two other police officers that he didn’t recognise. Park introduced them, other detectives working with her, then asked Yoongi if he was ready.

Yoongi nodded but he wasn’t. He wanted to get it over with. He’d felt braver at home when Namjoon told him about coming in to identify his attacker, like he could do it because he needed to. He didn’t feel brave now - he felt scared and alone. He glanced again at the door, to where Sejin waited, before turning to the blank window before him. The light came on and he could see six men.

“Take you time and look at each one,” said Detective Park.

Yoongi looked at the first man. There was nothing about the man that stuck out to Yoongi - just a guy like any other. It was the same with the second and third man but when Yoongi’s eyes fell on the fourth man, he felt his chest tighten. And even though he knew the man couldn’t see him, it felt like he was staring straight at Yoongi, locking him in place with the memory of trying to breath, scratching futility at the hands around his throat. He felt like he was choking again, he felt lightheaded and disorientated.

“Min Yoongi.”

A sharp voice broke through.

“Can you see the man that attacked you?” asked Detective Park.

Yoongi stood unable to move, unable to break free, he was going to die this time.

“None of the suspects can see you,” added Detective Park.

Yoongi knew that to be true, but it didn’t matter because his attacker knew him. If he didn’t before, the media surrounding Yoongi’s attack would have alerted him. Yoongi found himself staring at suspect number four, frantic thoughts racing through his head. If he identified his attacker, the man would know it’s him because Yoongi has survived and the man knew who Yoongi was. If he didn’t identify his attacker, the man would think Yoogni didn’t remember him and leave him alone. But then the man would continue attacking - no, killing people. But the police had just arrested him on suspicion of being the Seoul Strangler so they wouldn’t just let him loose to continue unobserved. Would they? But if Yoongi did identify his attacker, would it matter if he came after Yoongi? He, and the other members, had top security, did he need to fear the man? But then, the man had wrapped his hands around his throat and tried to kill him while Yoongi had top security.

His throat was tight and painful, he could feel himself trembling. He wanted to leave, he couldn’t breathe in the small dark room. He turned suddenly and almost crashed into Detective Park as she had taken a step closer.

“Can you see the man that attacked you?” she asked again.

Yoongi shook his head violently and brushed past Detective Park to the door. In his panic, he didn’t turn the handle enough and almost sobbed when he got the door open. He stumbled out into the passage looking for Sejin and realised that there was only a door between him in the passage and his attacker in the lineup room. His attacker who knew he was there.

Yoongi didn’t register hitting the ground.

----

“Lost the ability to speak?”

Sejin nodded.

“His doctor suspects it’s psychological stress due to seeing his attacker at the police station,” said Sejin.

“But he was fine when he left this morning,” said Jimin.

When the members heard that Yoongi was going to the police station, they’d all decided to stay at home and wait for him. They hadn’t expected Sejin to come back alone with news that Yoongi was in hospital.

“His doctor did a check up and some scans, there is no swelling in his throat, no additional or extended bruising - physically, Yoongi’s recovery is good and he has no negative after effects,” said Sejin.

“But he can’t talk,” said Jimin.

Sejin nodded.

“What happened at the police station?” asked Namjoon.

“I wasn’t in the room but Detective Park said that when Yoongi saw his attacker he had some kind of panic reaction and fled the room,” said Sejin.

“Did he identify his attacker?” asked Namjoon.

“Not verbally,” said Sejin. “The police strongly suspect they have the Seoul Strangler based off Yoongi’s reaction-”

Sejin paused, not wanting to say it,

“But Yoongi denied seeing his attacker.”

Sejin could see the confusion on their faces.

“Why would he do that?”

“Maybe he got scared?” said Hoseok. He would never forget how Yoongi came crashing out the restaurant bathroom. “A flashback of the attack?”

“Does he have to identify him? Isn’t there other evidence?” asked Namjoon.

“Trace amounts of DNA were found on Yoongi’s clothing but if there was any DNA from the Seoul Strangler, it would have been contaminated by the other DNA transfer from the struggle in the bathroom,” said Sejin.

“So Yoongi’s identification is the only evidence?” asked Namjoon.

“It’s the only conclusive evidence, everything else is very circumstantial such as being on CCTV on the street outside the restaurant,” said Sejin. “Nothing puts him in the restaurant with Yoongi.”

“Except Yoongi saying so,”

Sejin nodded.

“Yoongi-hyung’s a rapper,” said Taehyung suddenly.

A dejected silence fell across the table.

“Can we see him?” asked Seokjin. “Now, I want to go now. I’m going now.”

Seokjin didn’t wait for an answer before getting up from the table and going to get his phone and car keys.

“Should someone go with? Should Jin-hyung go alone first?” asked Jimin.

There was a brief quiet as everyone tried to think what was best, tried to imagine how Yoongi must be feeling.

“Maybe one at a time, so he doesn’t feel overwhelmed,” said Namjoon.

“He can concentrate on one conversation,” said Jimin.

Hoseok suddenly stood and left the room. At first they thought he was going to go with Seokjin, but Seokjin left the apartment and Hoseok stayed wherever he’d gone. Namjoon suspected his bedroom.

The sudden silence was broken by Sejin’s phone. He excused himself after seeing the caller ID.

“Is the witness ID that important?” asked Jungkook.

“The police need it to try get a confession,” said Namjoon.

“What if he doesn’t confess?” asked Jungkook

“Then it goes to trial,” said Namjoon.

“But if the evidence…” Jimin trailed off. His mind reeling at the implications. “But the evidence isn’t conclusive, that’s why they needed Yoongi-hyung to identify him.”

“Wait, wait. Going to trial - that means he could get off?” asked Jungkook.

Namjoon drew in a deep breath before answering,

“There is a chance,” he admitted. “There’s no DNA evidence, no footage of him in the restaurant at the same time as Yoongi-hyung and Hobi.”

“Didn’t Yoongi-hyung scratch him,” said Jimin suddenly.

“They couldn’t build a complete profile from the nail scraping. There wasn’t enough viable material - his nails are too short and he’d been eating,” said Namjoon.

“You said complete profile,” said Jungkook. “Does that mean there was a part profile?”

“A part profile won’t help, isn’t that the point of having DNA evidence,” said Jimin.

“But if it goes to trial, will Yoongi-hyung even be able to testify though - he can’t talk,” said Jungkook.

“Don’t say that - it sounds horrid,” said Jimin, as upset as Jungkook. “And he can talk. Just… not… right now.”

“Sorry, I know - I’m just angry. Going to trial will be awful,” said Jungkook.

Namjoon didn’t even want to think about it. He couldn’t imagine sitting in the same room as someone who tried to kill you and telling strangers how he had tried to do it. He was also worried about Hoseok’s sudden leaving and Taehyung’s silence. The attack was not only having an understandably negative effect on Yoongi but on the other members as well. He wasn’t sure how they were going to move forward if Yoongi couldn’t speak. As Taehyung had said Yoongi was a rapper, what if he couldn’t rap again? Would he stay in music with a major part of it missing?

As much as they were worried about Yoongi, there was also the worry for themselves - what was their future?

----

Jimin’s statement about Yoongi only needing to concentrate on one conversation implied there was going to be a conversation and Seokjin discovered that was not the case. Yoongi’s private room had a window which was where Seokjin found him standing, staring sightlessly out at the outside world. He hadn’t even looked in Seokjin’s direction when he'd approached him and didn’t answer any of Seokjin’s questions. Seokjin felt a flash of irritation at Sejin for leaving Yoongi at the hospital by himself, but almost immediately felt bad - Sejin was juggling the members’ well-being as well as could, and had opted to inform and console the group in person rather than on the phone.

Even during their toughest struggles, Seokjin had never seen Yoongi so closed off. He was clearly aware of Seokjin and his environment but not interested in engaging. It made Seokjin wonder if Yoongi even knew Sejin had left. Seokjin was desperate to get something from Yoongi but felt his usual antics would be inappropriate. At a loss, Seokjin pulled Yoongi into a gentle hug, and while Yoongi didn’t hug back, he did rest his head against Seokjin’s shoulder as the two stood staring out the window.

Seokjin didn’t hug Yoongi for too long before holding him at arm’s length and asking if he wanted to go home. Seokjin had no idea if Yoongi could go home or if he had to stay but he did know that he couldn’t leave the dejected rapper in the sterile hospital environment. He knew he’d said the right thing when Yoongi gave a teary nod.

“Okay,” said Seokjin. “I’m going to get that sorted and then we’ll go home okay?”

Again Yoongi nodded but more eagerly.

Seokjin had gone to the hospital administration to fight Yoongi’s case but had been told Yoongi was free to leave whenever he wanted. Without delay, Seokjin had Yoongi discharged and gave Sejin and Namjoon a call as he headed back to Yoongi’s room. Both had initially been hesitant about Yoongi leaving the hospital as he hadn’t actually been diagnosed, but they agreed when Seokjin told them that Yoongi wanted to come home.

Yoongi was dressed and waiting when Seokjin returned. Yoongi didn’t say anything but Seokjin could tell by his body language that he was in a better state of mind than when Seokjin had first arrived.

The members, except Hoseok, and Sejin were still around the table when Seokjin returned with Yoongi. They all stood but didn’t leave their places. Yoongi didn’t look up as he took off his shoes.

“Yoongi.”

Yoongi glanced at Sejin and saw he had a hand toward one of the chairs around the table. Yoongi didn’t want to sit down, he wanted to hide in his bedroom. He felt foolish and weak and guilty, but he didn’t ignore Sejin and sat down.

“I don’t want to rush you or force you,” he started and Yoongi felt his stomach twisting in anticipation for the ‘but’. “Detective Park called.”

Yoongi jerked back in his chair, shaking his head. Seokjin drew breath to speak but Sejin held up his hand.

“You’re not going anywhere, Yoongi,” he said.

Yoongi relaxed slightly in this chair, still apprehavise for what was coming.

“Detective Parks asks if you would be able to identify the Seoul Strangler from a photo lineup.”

Yoongi looked at Sejin with utter horror before shaking his head violently.

“Yoongi.”

Sejin tried to get Yoongi’s attention to tell him he didn’t have to do anything, but the rapper clamped his hands against his ears and shut his eyes. Sejin tried again but Yoongi slunk back, dropping his head.

Seokjin had never seen Sejin so upset and troubled. Everyone at the table was upset. Yoongi stood and started for his bedroom but stopped short as he came face to face with Hoseok coming to see if Seokjin and Yoongi had returned. They stared at each other for a couple of seconds, hurt across both their faces. Hoseok didn’t know why Yoongi was covering his ears, eyes teary, and didn’t get a chance to ask as Yoongi side stepped him and continued to his bedroom.

Hoseok took one look at the dejected faces round the table and, having seen Yoongi and Seokjin were back, turned on his heel and left.

“If Yoongi-hyung can’t identify the Seoul Stangular?” asked Jimin seemingly on repeat, as if the answer would change if he asked a different person.

“The case goes to trial,” said Sejin.

Jimin stood and followed Yoongi with Namjoon going after Hoseok.

----

Namjoon found Hosek sitting on his bed staring into space.

“Hey,” he called from the doorway, “can I come in?”

Hoseok nodded but his gaze was distance.

“You okay?” asked Namjoon coming to sit next to him.

Hoseok shrugged.

“I dunno, I'm worried about Yoongi-hyung,” he said.

“Yoongi-hyung’s going to be okay,” said Namjoon, desperately hoping he wasn’t lying.

“Is he,” mused Hoseok bitterly. “‘Coz he’s not talking right now.”

“It’s not your fault,” said Namjoon.

It looked like Hoseok was going to brush off Namjoon’s comment.

“Hobi, it’s not your fault,” repeated Namjoon.

“I know,” mumbled the dancer.

Namjoon grabbed his sleeve.

“Do you?”

Hoseok’s face crumpled but he still nodded.

“I do but… I still feel guilty,” he said. “I keep thinking about him lying on the restaurant floor struggling to breath, and then the paramedics and the police. Everytime I look at him, all I see is that horrible bruising. And now he can’t speak.”

Hoseok wiped away his tears.

“It happened so quick,” he mumbled. “Nothing was strange till he ran out the bathroom. I feel like I should have noticed something, but there was nothing to notice. No one followed Yoongi-hyung into the bathroom, he was already there - how long had he been waiting in the bathroom? Why was he even there?”

Hoseok shook his head.

“It’s all so messed up in my head,” he said.

Namjoon wrapped his arms around Hoseok and patted his shoulder as the dancer sagged against him.

“It’s all messed up,” agreed Namjoon.

“I keep thinking about what would have happened if Yoongi-hyung hadn’t got away,” said Hoseok, his voice muffled against Namjoon’s clothes. “It’s useless because he did, I dunno why I keep thinking about him dying.”

“Maybe because he really did come close to dying,” said Namjoon.

Hoseok pulled back.

“Maybe, I dunno,” he said.

“Have you spoken to Yoongi-hyung?” asked Namjoon.

Hoseok frowned.

“Yeah.”

“I mean have you spoken to him about the attack specifically,” clarified Namjoon.

“No, wait - is he upset with me?”

“No, not at all but maybe you need to hear him say it,” said Namjoon.

Hoseok deflated further against Namjoon, a slow breath escaping his body.

“I don’t like the way he looks at everything,” said Hoseok after a while. “Even at home, he’s not comfortable, he flinches at every sound and there’s fear before recognition when he sees someone. I hate it.”

“I hate it as well,” said Namjoon.

“Go talk to Yoongi-huyng,” added Namjoon.

Hoseok nodded.

“We’ll get through this together,” added Namjoon.

Hoseok nodded again, but he wasn’t feeling Namjoon’s sentiment.

----

Jimin found Yoongi curled in a ball on his bed facing the wall. He had his eyes closed but Jimin knew he was awake. He sat on the edge of Yoongi’s bed and typed out a message on his phone. Leaning over the rapper, Jimin held the phone in front of Yoongi’s face till he opened his eyes and read it.

=Are you okay?=

Yoongi shook his head.

Jimin typed another message.

=Can I stay?=

Yoongi nodded.

Jimin lay down next to Yoongi, hands clasped on his chest. He could feel the tension radiating from Yoongi’s body. He wanted to help him but wasn’t sure how, wasn’t sure if his cuddles would help or scare Yoongi. Yoongi has said he could stay but that didn’t mean he wanted Jimin around. He could hear Yoongi’s breathing even out and some of the tension leaving his body, escaping into sleep. Jimin felt like he wanted to sleep and wake up from the nightmare they were in.

Hoseok stuck his head round the door pulling Jimin out of his depressing thoughts.

“Sleeping?” he asked quietly.

Jimin nodded and sat up swinging his feet to the floor.

“I don’t really think he’s tired though,” said Jimin.

Hoseok came in and joined on the edge of Yoongi’s bed.

“Why was he upset earlier?”

“The detective wanted to know if Yoongi-hyung would ID the Seoul Stranger from a photo, he wouldn’t even consider it, ignored Sejin and left,” explained Jimin.

Hoseok made a face - he didn’t want to imagine how that conversation went.

“You want to stay?” asked Jimin.

Hoseok nodded and went to join him on the edge of Yoongi’s bed.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Not really,” said Jimin. “Everything seems so out of control.”

Hoseok didn’t know what to say, he felt the same but didn’t want to say it out loud. Jimin got to his feet saying he was going to hang with Taehyung. Hoseok gave him a reassuring smile but it fell as soon as Jimin left the room.

Yoongi didn’t sleep long. As Jimin had said, he wasn’t actually tired, he was looking for an escape. Hunger woke him a little before lunch. He had been too nervous to eat before going to the police station.

He could feel someone sitting on this bed, he expected Jimin when he rolled over but it was Hoseok. He was absorbed in whatever was on his phone allowing Yoongi to study him a little. He looked worn out - there was a tenseness to his jaw, a sad tug to his eyes. He was also struggling, he’d been there.

Yoongi tapped the duvet to get Hoseok’s attention and matched his small smile.

“Feeling better?” asked Hoseok.

Yoongi shrugged. He didn’t know, he felt like he constantly didn’t know what he was feeling.

“Hungry?”

Yoongi nodded.

“Let’s go eat.”

Neither of them moved as the last exchange echoed their conversation before going to the restaurant.

“I’m so sorry,” said Hoseok.

Yoongi shook his head, feeling tears gather. He picked up his phone.

=It’s not your fault.=

“I know but I’m still sorry. I still feel like I should have done something though.”

=I know=

=I’m sorry as well=

“Why?

=Why did we go to that restaurant?=

Hoseok frowned, but Yoongi wasn’t done.

=Why did I go pee? I could have held it till we got home.=

“Hyung…”

Yoongi sniffed as he continued typing.

=Now we’re in a mess.=

“We’re together in a mess,” said Hoseok. He was trying to be reassuring but it made Yoongi more upset.

=Exactly! Why?! Why!?=

Hoseok pulled Yoongi’s phone out of his hands and tossed it on the bed. He ignored Yoongi’s attempt to get it as he pulled the rapper into a hug. Yoongi made to push back but Hoseok only held him tighter.

“It’s not your fault,” he said.

Yoongi stopped struggling but he was breathing heavily through his nose. Hoseok wasn’t sure of the emotion behind but he kept telling Yoongi it wasn’t his fault till the rapper suddenly let out a sob.

“Nothing is your fault,” said Hoseok.

Hoseok held Yoongi for a bit, gently patting his shoulder in a steady rhythm as he cried.

“Let’s not pretend we’re okay and go get lunch,” said Hoseok.

Yoongi nodded and sat up wiping his face with his sleeve.

They found Jungkook and Taehyung in the kitchen. Taehyung staring into the cupboard that held ramyeon and Jungkook at the fridge with a pack of sausages.

“Ramyeon with sausage?”

Yoongi nodded.

“Make for everybody, I think,” added Hoseok, knowing the other three would join as soon as they smelt food.

He wasn’t wrong.

It wasn’t an enjoyable lunch, but even though the mood was low with little conversation, it wasn’t uncomfortable or awkward. Yoongi followed Hoseok’s words, he wasn’t pretending or schooling his features. He was upset, but he noticed everyone else at the table wore similar expressions of sadness and listlessness. After eating Yoongi made his way to the sofa and flopped back, phone in hand, staring at nothing.

Yoongi wasn’t stupid, he knew time was tight for the police, they would only hold their suspect for so long and without anything concrete from him, they would have to let the his attacker go. Everytime he thought about it, the overwhelming emotion was fear. He felt irritated that he couldn’t think rationally, his mind either going back to the restaurant bathroom or to possible futures where his attacker was waiting for him.

Yoongi hadn’t been online since the attack. He’d only answered messages and some calls but had relied on the member and Sejin for news of what was happening outside. He unlocked his phone but ended up staring at the apps. There was a notification on his message app, he couldn’t see who it was from, but he started thinking about how he was going to communicate if he couldn’t speak. The doctor had said it was psychological but the tightness in his throat, the difficulty in moving his tongue and jaw were real. He felt panicked at the thought of talking and worried at the thought of not talking again.

And in every corner of his mind, lurked his attacker’s face - clear and terrifying.

----

The following morning Seokjin was surprised to find Yoongi’s bed empty when he went to check. At first, he’d assumed Yoongi was in the bathroom but it was empty. The kitchen was the next logical step but Seokjin’s heart lurched when he found Yoongi standing on the balcony staring at the ground below.

Seokjin cleared his throat as he stepped on to the balcony in an effort to not startle Yoongi.

“Morning,” he said.

Yoongi looked up and nodded but made no move away from the edge.

“What you doing out here?” asked Seokjin.

Yoongi shrugged.

“It’s a little chilly out here, don’t you think,” said Seokjin. “Let’s go inside.”

Yoongi nodded as he blew out a deep breath. Seokjin saw that he also appeared to take note of where he was and actually register the conversation he was having with Seokjin. He quickly stepped away from the edge and toward Seokjin, grabbing his sleeve when he got close enough, shaking his head and trying to say something.

“I know,” said Seokjin, and he did. He didn’t think Yoongi would have jumped but he wasn’t going to lie and say he didn’t get a fright when he saw Yoongi out there, he would have got a fright to see any member out there so early in the morning, so close to the edge. “I know.”

Yoongi relaxed at Seokjn’s words and the two went back inside.

“I’m going to make some coffee,” said Seokjin, heading for the kitchen while Yoongi headed to the lounge.

Yoongi was staring at his phone when Seokjin joined him on the sofa. He looked apprehensive so Seokjin sat and waited. He was half way through his coffee when Yoongi finally showed Seokjin what he had been staring at. It was a message in his notes app.

=I will see Detective Park=

Seokjin could see the hesitation in Yoongi.

“At Big Hit?”

Seokjin was asking but in reality, he would argue against Yoongi going to the police station and while he wasn’t keen to have the detective in their home, if Yoongi asked, he would say yes. But Yoongi shook his head and started to type something on his phone. Seokjin couldn’t see the exact words from where he sat but he could see Yoongi typing and deleting and retyping, his frown deepening as he struggled with what he wanted to say. After a long pause, he deleted the entire message and started again only to delete again and toss his phone behind him.

Seokjin sat nursing the last of his coffee, waiting for Yoongi. He could see Yoongi swallowing and clenching his jaw. He suddenly grabbed Seokjin sleeve and ground out,

“Station.”

Seokjin was conflicted, Yoongi had said something and it was the last place he wanted him to go.

“The police station?” he asked to double check.

Yoongi nodded.

Seokjin didn’t want to dissuade Yoongi after all his effort to actually say something but he also didn’t want him to go to the cause of his trauma. Sensing something along those lines, Yoongi picked up his phone and tapped out a quick message.

=I don’t want him where I am=

Seokjin couldn’t argue with that.

“Okay, I’ll sort it out,” he said. “But I’m coming with you.”

Yoongi nodded with a smile that almost reached his eyes.

----

The visit to the police station went better than Seokjin was expecting. Yoongi didn’t say anything the entire time, he hadn’t said anything since ‘station’ that morning. There was a point after Detective Park had slid across the photo line up where Seokjin thought Yoongi was going to bolt. He’d spent a good five minutes looking everywhere but at the photo on the table in front of him, staring at the door, the light fixture and the ground. When he did grab the pen to sign below the mug shot, he’d been so pale and shaky, Seokjin thought he was going to throw up on the photo.

It was only when they got back to the apartment that Yoongi lost all composure, bursting into tears as soon as Seokjin pulled into their parking bay.

“It’s over, you don’t have to go back,” said Seokjin trying to calm Yoongi.

Yoongi shook his head and pulled his phone free. It took a moment for him to calm down enough to type a message.

=He’ll kill me now=

“Why do you think that?” asked Seokjin. “The police are going to arrest him.”

=He knows now=

Seokjin blinked a couple of times.

“What does he know?”

=That I identified him. He knows now=

Seokjin didn’t know what to say.

“Security won’t let him near you.”

It didn’t help, it seemed to upset Yoongi further.

=Had security=

Seokjin was struggling to put Yoongi’s logic together.

“Had?”

Yoongi took a couple deep breaths again, making an effort to force himself to type clearly.

=The night he attacked me, I had security. But he still tried to kill me. He knows who I am and I’m the only survivor so he knows who identified him=

Seokjin finally had an idea of what Yoongi was struggling with.

“Was security with you when you went to the restaurant with Hobi?” he asked first.

Yoongi blinked at him for a moment. His breathing calmed as he thought back. Slowly he shook his head. Security hadn’t been with them, it wasn’t a public event so they didn’t have security with them, it had been just the two of them. Just like him and Seokjin right now.

Seokjin saw the distress leave Yoongi’s eyes as he thought about what Seokjin had said, but then it came back as Yoongi looked at him then around the parking garage.

Not knowing what was causing Yoongi’s distress, Seokjin made to get out the car so they could get inside the apartment and figure it out. Only as he reached for the door handle, Yoongi grabbed him and shook his head violently.

“Okay,” said Seokjin. “I’ll stay.”

That seemed to calm Yoongi but it further worried Seokjin. He pulled his phone free and tapped out a message to Namjoon asking him to help get Yoongi out the car and into the apartment. He didn’t feel like he was losing his patience with Yoongi, he felt like he’d lost his tentative understanding of what was worrying Yoongi and why he suddenly didn’t want to get out the car.

It didn’t take long before Namjoon and Jungkook were making their way to the car.

“Ah, here comes Namjoon and JK,” said Seokjin in what he hoped was a casual way.

Yoongi stared at them slack jawed before looking at Seokjin with a confused face.

“Let’s head inside, okay?” said Seokjin, but only opened his door when the other two were at the car. Jungkook waved at Yoongi while Namjoon opened the passenger car door.

Yoongi still looked a little confused as he got out the car, he looked like he wanted to say something to Namjoon but shook his head and waited while Seokjin locked the car. Namjoon glanced over at Seokjin as they started toward their apartment but he shrugged having no idea what was wrong. In a low tone, he told Namjoon that Yoongi had identified the Seoul Stranger and how Yoongi thought he was going to be killed if he identified him.

Namjoon pressed his lips together. He wanted to tell Yoongi the Seoul Stranger wasn’t going to kill him, that the police were watching him, that there was nothing to worry about, but for Yoongi there was everything to worry about. The Seoul Stranger had tried to kill him, he lived, and would live, with that. It wasn’t a memory that was going to be forgotten over time, fading away along with the bruises. Namjoon also knew that Yoongi knew as well but words weren’t going to change his fears, it wasn’t so easy.

“Hyung,” he called when they got into the apartment.

Yoongi stopped heading toward his bedroom and turned back to face Namjoon. He looked so worn out but Namjoon had to say what he needed to say.

“I’m not going to tell you it’s not the end of the world if you never talk again,” said Namjoon. “It will be the end of something and it will be upsetting and we will have to figure out something new, but none of us will judge you or pressure you.”

Yoongi nodded.

“Min Yoongi-hyung.”

Namjoon’s use of his full name made Yoongi refocus on him.

“Everything changed that night - none of us the same-”

Yoongi started to interrupt but stopped. Taking a deep breath, he tried again but this time Namjoon stopped him.

“Don’t force yourself,” he said.

Namjoon took out his phone and opened the notes app. He offered the phone to Yoongi who stared at it till it went blank and still Namjoon held it out. It was a strange standoff - Namjoon trying to get Yoongi to understand this was what he had to do for now and Yoongi struggling to accept a possible reality.

Yoongi felt his eyes tearing. He felt frustrated and scared and guilty. He met Namjoon’s eye, wanting to ask why - why did they go to the restaurant, why did he go to the bathroom, why was the Seoul Strangler killing people, why was he a witness, why was he so scared all the time, why couldn’t he speak?

He was so upset, he didn’t realise he’d whispered ‘why’ till Namjoon’s sharp intake. They looked at each other surprised but when Yoongi tried to say something, Namjoon stopped him again

“Don’t force it - if something comes, it comes,” he said.

Yoongi nodded and held out his hand for Namjoon’s offered phone. Namjoon unlocked it and handed it over.

=I don’t want to be like this=

“Of course not, we know that,” said Namjoon. “No one’s upset with you.”

Yoongi hung his head, trying to believe Namjoon and logically knowing he was telling the truth, but the negative thoughts kept creeping in.

“Hyung, you’re allowed to be scared,” added Namjoon.

Seokjin and Jungkook were waiting quietly by the front door. Jungkook was looking at the shoes gathered on the floor but Seokjin noticed the other members had come out from wherever they had been and were listening.

They’d all used the expression ‘a rough week’ at some point before but those times had been simple compared to the last few days. Everyone was worried and it showed in dark circles round their eyes, listlessness and troubled sleep.

“Doing your best doesn’t mean getting perfect results, it means doing your best in that moment, with that task. You’re doing your best, I know you are. You went back to the police station when only yesterday you remembered what the Seoul Stranger looked like; saw him again. That’s doing your best.” Namjoon noticed the other members hovering. “We’re all doing our best, that’s all we can do. We’ll get through this, it won’t be easier, it might not be quick, but we’ll get through this.

“I’m not going to say don’t worry about what happens now,” continued Namjoon. “Will the Seoul Stranger confess, we don’t know; will this go to trial, we don’t know. All we can do now is wait and make decisions when we know what’s happening. We can only make decisions with the information we have at the time.”

“We are doing our best, and that’s all we can do,” finished Namjoon.

A murmur of agreement rippled through the group. Yoongi nodded his understanding and continued on to his bedroom. He’d been up early and being at the police station had shaken him. He wanted a moment of quiet to regroup himself. He lay on his bed staring at the ceiling, his attacker’s face staring back at him through the one-way glass, from the photo line up - would Yoongi have to look at him across a courtroom?

Yoongi felt his breath becoming quivery, his lip tremble slightly. Namjoon had said he was brave but Yoongi felt anything but brave, he felt sick and anxious. Suddenly afraid of being alone, he got up and left his bedroom in a rush. He heard voices in the lounge and found some of the members trying to decide what to watch. Hoseok and Namjoon weren’t with them. An irrational fear surged through Yoongi and the ridiculous thought that his attacker had somehow got into their apartment and hurt.

“Yoongi, what’s wrong?” asked Seokjin. He recognised the expression spread across Yoongi’s face, it was the fear from earlier in the parking garage.

Yoongi wanted to answer but he felt his throat tighten as his eyes bounced around the room.

“Namjoon-hyung and Hobi-hyung are in their rooms,” said Taehyung,

A small ‘ah’ escaped Yoongi’s throat as he digested Taehyung’s words.

“Do you want me to get them?” asked Jungkook standing.

Yoongi shook his head, he wasn’t lying. Just knowing where they were calmed him down a lot.

“Come watch a movie with us,” said Seokjin patting the sofa next to him.

Yoongi didn’t feel like watching anything but still felt unsettled at the thought of being alone so he went and sat on the sofa, pulling at the neckline of his top. They were still deciding on titles when Hoseok came through saying he couldn’t concentrate and wanted to join them. Namjoon followed seconds later with the same excuse, almost verbatim and it made Seokjin look over at Jimin who had been on his phone the whole time. He caught Seokjin’s eye and gave a short nod to which Seokjin returned a smile. Yoongi didn’t seem to notice, he was too busy making sure everyone was settled in the room, that he could see all of them.

----

Namjoon had been counting the hours till the police would be forced to release the Seoul Stanger. When he’d spoken to Yoongi, and the group, at the front door he’d been fully behind his words - he still was but knowing that something was coming, waiting for information to make their decision, didn’t help his feelings of uncertainty and worry.

As the leader, Namjoon felt he held all their futures in his hands and the balance was being dragged down by one member through no fault of his own. Nothing about the situation was Yoongi’s fault, he was a victim, and yet everything hinged on him.

Namjoon didn’t know the exact time that the police arrested the Seoul Stranger but he guessed an hour or so before Yoongi went to identify him and by that estimate, time was running out, or maybe it had already run out. Had the Seoul Strangler confessed, would he confess or would he want a trail?

He swallowed thickly when his phone buzzed and he saw it was from Sejin - he knew what it was about.

Namjoon found Yoongi in Seokjin’s bedroom. According to Jimin, he and Seokjin were working on some song lyrics with Yoongi’s help, though it was obvious Yoongi wasn’t doing anything other than being in the same room as them. He was lying on his side on Seokjin’s bed, awake but zoned out.

“Hyung.”

Yoongi blinked a couple of times before focusing on Namjoon.

“Sejin just messaged me,” he said. “Detective Park wants to talk to you.”

They all saw Yoongi tense at the detective’s name. Yoongi sat up slowly, looking apprehensive, mouthing ‘why’.

“She didn’t tell Sejin, only said that she has something to tell you.”

Yoongi closed his eyes, breathing out. Has his attacker confessed? Or were they going to trial? He felt shaky when he opened his eyes but he nodded.

“Do you want to go to the station?” asked Namjoon.

Yoongi shook his head quickly. He didn’t want to hear they were going to trial at the station. He was feeling lightheaded at the thought and feared he might pass out again if he heard bad news.

Namjoon messaged Sejin and they arranged for him and Detective Park to come to the apartment. Yoongi couldn’t settle while they waited for Detective Park to arrive. The members were also drifting, hovering round Yoongi or sitting restlessly.

Yoongi was sitting on the sofa when they heard the door chime open, he shot to his feet when Sejin and Detective Park walked in. The detective didn’t look terribly upset, in fact, she looked calm. Yoongi’s mind raced through his past encounter’s with her trying to link her behavour to any situation, but all he came up with was that Detective Park was mostly calm, the only change had been when she tried to press him for an answer when he went to identify his attacker at the police station the first time. Her calm demeanor meant nothing, she could still deliver bad news.

They exchanged greetings and Sejin offered her a seat on the sofa but had to push Yoongi to sit. He was tense and only vaguely aware of the members being gathered into the dining area so he and the detective could talk.

“We have a signed confession from the suspect,” she said.

She waited while Yoongi registered what she was saying.

Yoongi looked between Sejin and Detective Park and made a negative action with his arms.

“No trial?” asked Sejin

“No trial that you’ll have to attend as a witness,” confirmed Detective Park.

Yoongi felt his shoulders sag in relief.

“There are still other formalities such as sentencing, but you do not have to be present for these,” said Detective Park with a slight smile.

Yoongi bowed so low when Detective Park but felt like it was insufficient compared to the relief her news had brought. Yoongi sat on the sofa surrounded by his happy members feeling a small measure of peace for the first time in what felt like a lifetime of a week.

----

Epilogue

Namjoon watched the banter between the members while they waited for their turn in the photoshoot. If someone walked in now, they wouldn’t know that a few months ago Yoongi couldn’t get a word out and the future of BST was uncertain and bleak. Though there were tells that the members could pick up on, a specific quiet Yoongi got when he was feeling fearful, the fidgeting with the neckline of his clothing, the sudden want to know where everyone was. Little reminders that would always follow in their footsteps. And some obstacles still to overcome such as going to a restaurant and using the bathroom by the dance studio. But those things didn’t worry Namjoon, it didn’t matter to him if Yoongi never went to another restaurant if he didn’t want to, all he cared about was that Yoongi was okay right now. He slept without constant nightmares, chatted and bantered, and rapped with speed. They were still together making music, bringing smiles to people’s faces and that’s all he focused on.