Archive of Our Own ^beta

Merle starts coughing on his second bite of albondigas soup and Taako freezes in panic, shoulders lifted and ears flat. Magnus would have missed it if he weren’t looking at the smear of sauce on the elf’s cheek and deciding whether to tell him or not. But he’s staring and Taako is terrified. His eyes are wide, and his hands are shaking.

It’s only for a moment. After a few gross hacking noises, Merle is fine. He chuckles, wipes his mouth, and takes another bite. He nearly spits it out, though, when Taako snaps.

“What the fuck, Merle!”

“What!?”

Taako’s dark cheeks are red and he leans forward across the table to invade the cleric’s space. Magnus is reminded of a dog with its hackles raised. “Who pretends to choke on someone else’s food? What kind of sick joke is that?”

“I wasn’t pretending to choke!” Merle retorts. He’s angry in his defensive way. “It went down the wrong pipe. The Director told me it’s called aspiration.”

Taako stands up from the table, nearly knocking his chair over in the process. “Well, maybe you should aspire to be a better fucking cleric and fix it!”

“Woah, guys…” Magnus attempts to mediate, but it’s too late. Merle is flipping Taako off and the wizard is storming out of the kitchen. The dwarf picks up his spoon and continues eating, though. The soup is delicious.

Magnus isn’t sure what to do. He wants to go after the elf, but Taako’s not really a person to talk out his feelings. If he can’t deflect and change the topic completely, he’ll lash out to make the other person mad. It used to work on Magnus, but now that he’s seen through it, nothing stops the concern and care. Taako wants Magnus to be insulted by him because he’d rather fight than talk about his nightmares. Or whatever happened here.

Magnus decides to give him some space. He turns back to Merle. “When did the Director talk to you? How does something like that even come up?”

Merle finishes drinking the last of his meal from the bowl. He wipes his mouth on his handkerchief and returns it to his front pocket. “We hang out, sometimes. Sort of.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Seems to me like she’s a little lonely…and she’s lost a lot, I think.”

“Huh.” Magnus hasn’t thought of the Director like this before. He blames it on their age difference.

“Hey, what’s up with Taako?” Merle asks, gesturing to the doorway where their friend disappeared. “He’s always a bit of an ass, but that was more dick-ish than usual."

“Yeah, I dunno.” Magnus says, absentmindedly rubbing the callouses on his palms. “He seemed…scared for a second.”

“Really –” Merle doesn’t have a chance to respond because the wizard returns to the kitchen. He walks over without looking at them and grabs the Umbra Staff from the back of his chair. Magnus and Merle attempt to pretend they weren’t just talking about him. Merle makes a comment about the weather recently.

“There is no weather on the moon, dumbasses. I know you were talking about me.”

“Uh…” Merle scratches his beard awkwardly and shares a glance with Magnus.

Taako hooks the Umbra Staff over his arm and leans over, placing the tips of his long fingers on the table. He levels a steady and stern gaze at the dwarf. “I don’t do this often, so get that moss out of your ears and listen, old man.”

“Hey!”

“I’m sorry. For being…more dick-ish than usual to you.”

Merle could be a little dense sometimes when it comes to spell selection or problem solving, but he is a master of empathy and, deep down, a very good friend. Magnus is relieved when he accepts Taako’s apology with an easy smile. The elf nods stiffly and his shoulders relax a little.

They return to their banter, but it feels different. Taako is quiet, almost gloomy. And Magnus doesn’t stop thinking about it for three full days.

***     ***     ***     

It’s not right to go to the boss about this, but Magnus can’t think of any other way. Trying to get Taako to open up about his problems is like trying to pick up a puffer fish. And Magnus needs to know so that he can properly protect him. He needs to know what to look out for and how to help.

So, he knocks on the Director’s door one morning before training.

“Come in.” She’s sitting behind her large desk, a pen in each hand, writing simultaneously in two notebooks. She places both pens in front of her before the fighter can comment on it. “How can I help you, Magnus?”

“You did a pretty extensive background check on us, right? Like, you know a lot about us.”

Her dark eyes are serious but kind. “Yes, I know a lot about you. But, of course, everything in the, uh, background check is completely confidential, I assure you.”

“Yeah, um…” Magnus takes a breath and takes a risk. “Did something happen to Taako?”

The Director’s mouth parts a little and her eyebrows furrow slightly. There’s enough of a silence to answer his question before she responds with one of her own. “…What do you mean?”

Magnus shrugs. “The whole thing with him being this wizard chef but, like, never cooking. And now he does but he got really scared the other day when Merle, uh, assinated? And he won’t talk to me about it, so…”

“He won’t?” Magnus notes the emotion in her voice. She seems surprised and a little…heartbroken. He wonders why this is the part she focuses on.

“No. Have you met the guy? I tried asking him about his childhood once and he burned a spell slot just to get out of the conversation.”

The Director scrubs her face and takes a breath. “Okay. Well, I cannot disclose Taako’s personal information to you. You understand.”

“Yeah, I figured.” Magnus approaches her desk and sits down on one of the chairs in front. “Could you just…give me a clue? Like, I say something, and you nod or shake your head.”

“I – I don’t know, not really –”

“Did something bad happen to him? With cooking?”

The Director is a very composed, proud woman, but Magnus is getting better at reading her. There’s a sorrow in her eyes and her mouth is set in a hard line. “Magnus, please don’t ask me any more questions.”

“I understand.”

***     ***     ***

Taako is a prickly pear of a man. Showing him care is not an easy task. But Magnus doesn't give up.

The wizard never tells him the whole story. In fact, Magnus doesn’t get any more detail than his discussion with the Director revealed – a simple confirmation. But Taako leans over on the couch and presses his cheek to Magnus’s shoulder, and he doesn’t protest when Magnus wraps his arm around him. It’s only once, in an exhausted post-nightmare haze, but it’s a start.

Magnus would take a fantasy bullet for Taako and Merle. And later, on their endlessly repetitive loop in pursuit of the chalice, Magnus thinks that dying with these two by his side isn’t so bad. They were strangers not long ago, but there’s something almost habitual about being with them in a cycle of life and death.

How could something like that feel so familiar?