Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Good morning, my sweet bun-bun,” Steven said, waking me up. Then getting out of our cozy bed.

“Hey Stevi, can I have a cold glass of chocolate milk?”

“Of course my love, would you like to serve you breakfast as well?” The gorgeous boy said, putting on his white bathrobe, covering the surprise down south.

“No thank you, I wanna eat breakfast at the table with you.”

He gave me a small smile, and walked to the kitchen. I’m so happy that we are together. All the pain, all the suffering, was worth the result. Just a world with Steven and me.

Steven and I were exhausted from all the fun last night. He made me feel loved, and I was only his. Just Stevi and me.

It was a magical morning, filled with wonders with the man I love. The early sunrise shining through our window.

I began to put on my red lingerie bra and panties back on. It was a New Year’s present from Steven. I never felt so loved, he kept me nice and warm, I felt safe in his embrace. The boy I yearned for is finally mine, only mine, and I’m only his.

He was nice and gentle, since it was both our first times. He was so loving to me, so kind and so adorable. Nothing made me laugh more when he got embarrassed, looking at a naked girl for the first time. But I knew he was happy, all we did was laugh, blush, and smile. While both our bodies became one. A magical and memorable night, that will be treasured in my heart.

I could hear the stove cooking our couples' pancakes. Breakfast only a couple can share. I put on Stevens’ shirt that I found beside the bed (he won’t be needing it back).

Now hungry and needy for my Stevi, I made my way to the kitchen.

“Stevi, are the pancakes ready?” I said, yawning after. He may have been gentle, but he did tire me out. I slept like an angel, while he planted a small kiss on my head.

“You must be patient, my sweets. I want these to be the best pancakes you have ever tasted.”

“Aww, okay. But I’m so hungry.” I said, starving for food and kisses.

I made my way to the table, sitting on my special chair. It was tall and it had a cushion with a bun-bun on it. It also wrote ‘Stevinel Forever’ on the bottom of the soft pillow.

“Okay bun-bun, the pancakes are ready. I’m so sorry that I kept you waiting.”

“Don’t sweat it, I bet they taste super yummy.”

Steven set the expensive plates imported from Germany, with pancakes on top, soaked with sweet Canadian maple syrup.

I wasted no time and dug into the pancakes like a hungry lion. Almost eating all of it.

“Be careful my Spinel, you don’t want to choke.”

Instead of answering him back, I just gave him a thumbs up.

I finally ate my portion of breakfast, now watching Steven eat his food. I feel kind of bad not giving him more.

“Oh, hey Steven, I have something to show you?”

“Oh really, what could it be my sweets?” He sure is saying the word sweets a lot, I wonder why.

“Look, it’s Lexi and Perri at Tokyo tower. Look how cut Perri is, wearing that Hello Kitty hat. Lexi must be thinking that hat looks ridiculous.” I said, showing him the photo from my phone.

“Well, don’t they make a cute couple. If only that actually happened.” Steven said, sounding weird all of a sudden.

‘If only’, what does he mean by that? Of course, they went to the Tokyo tower, Lexi just graduated and she wants to become a mechanic and Perri is by her side happy and they are just loving each other to bits and pieces and and and. What’s going on?

But while I was lost in my own train of thought, someone was knocking at the door.

“Who could it be here, this early in the morning?”

“I don’t know, my sweets. I’ll go check.” Steven said, getting up and making his way to the front door. “Hello-Agh!” He said, stopping mid-sentence when the blade of a katana pierced his stomach.

It went all the way through his body, blood was leaking from both ends of his stabbed abdomen. The katana pulled out from my departing lover, he fell to the ground, his blood created a puddle, it started to soak into the bathrobe. Turning the piece of clothing from white to red.

The man, standing in front of my dying sweetheart. Looking at me with his glowing pink eyes, giving me a wicked smirk. His blonde hair shined when the rays of the morning sun hit his greasy hair. The man, filled with so much hate in his black heart. Griped his blade harder than before. A man, who I wish I would never see again.

“Did you miss me?” Clive said, with a raspy and angry voice. Still giving me that wicked smile, a smile filled with schadenfreude.

That was my chance to run, but he was too fast, cutting the shins of my legs, causing me to fall to the ground. “You think you can just get rid of me?” He dropped the katana and grabbed the hold of my hands. His robot arm was gripping harder than his real one. My left wrist started to hurt, he was breaking it.

“How dare you humiliate me, you destroyed my life,” Clifford said, prying my legs apart with his. “Kira can’t save you now, that spineless bastard is dead and burning in hell!” He began to rip my shirt off. “Don’t bother to fight, it’s pointless now, just let it happen, let this happen.”

“Stop, please, don’t do it. Stop stop stop!”

“Stop-stop-stop!”

“Spinel, it’s okay darling. You were just having a nightmare.” Grandma woke me up, reassuring me that what was happening wasn’t real. “Spinel, this is the fourth time you screamed in your sleep this week. I’m scared Starlight, I’m worried about you.”

It was a dream, but it felt so real? I thought I had my friends back, Steven was with me and, and that animal never existed.
“He was back, he was back to get me.” I began to cry on Grandma's shoulder. “He, he, he was there.” I cried harder, all Grandma did was hug me tighter.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie. What happened at that place was terrible, I wish it never happened too. But he’s gone, he can’t do anything to you. It’s going to take time to heal, and I will be with you every step of the way. You’re all I have left Spinel, I can’t lose you.”

She let go and began to wipe my tears. She couldn’t understand how much pain I was in. I lost my friends, my parents, that monster violated me, and he tortured Steven. I just want to pretend that nothing from that night happened. That Perri was at home, studying for the next big test, and not locked up in a mental institute. I want to watch a movie with my family, and hear my mother complain about the disappearance of cats. While momma was making a delicious dinner and we could just laugh like a punch of careless idiots.

But now he’s dead, and we have to live with the consequences and scars from him.

“I’m sorry, I know what you may be thinking. That I was such a whore to let him touch me, Steven will never want to love a sick little whore like me. Does that make me disgusting?”

“What? Of course not.” She said, hugging me again. “What happened wasn't your fault, none of it was. I know you don’t believe me, but things will get better. You’re young and you have your whole life ahead of you. I’ll do everything I can to help, but you need to talk to someone, anyone. It’s not healing bottling up all this pain. Please don’t be afraid to ask for help, please.”

“Okay grandma, I’ll try,” I said, wiping my face with the sleeve of my shirt.

“Don’t forget, tonight we’re going to Kiyomizu-Dera temple for the New Year’s Day festival. The Universe boys will be coming too, if you’re not feeling well, I could just-”

“No! I’m sorry, no, I still want to go, I want to see Steven,” I said

The Kiyomizu-Dera New Year’s only happens once a year, it would be the first time Steven and I watched fireworks. I couldn’t pass this moment up.

“Okay darling, we will leave around 2:30, take the bullet train to Kyoto and we’ll be there around four o’clock. Three hours before the fireworks. Until then, please sleep in, it’s early and you need a good rest.”

“But what if-”

“Just think happy thoughts. Remember, happy thoughts-”

“Equals happy dreams.” We both said

“Okay, Grandma.”

“Please Spinel, ask me anything and I will do the best I can. Now get a good rest, darling, I love you.”

“I love you too, Grandma.”

Both of us took the bullet train and arrived at Kyoto station. We then took another train to the actual temple. I was wearing a beautiful pink kimono, it was patterned with pink forget-me-nots, and it had a red Obi across my waist. Grandma had it custom made from one of the best tailors in all of Japan. I also went to Shep to do my hair, they made my hair into two heart-shaped buns. Their girlfriend Sadie also dyed my hair pink again, looking better than before. And for the finishing top, I put a kanzashi hair ornament on my left heart-shaped bun. It had two cherry blossoms, and four strings pattern with right-side-up and up-side-down hearts. Grandma said that my moms would be so proud of me right now, if only they were here.

Grandma wore something similar to me, but instead, she didn’t have a kanzashi but had her hair done to look like a geisha. While also wearing a white kimono with a koi pattern. It looked so beautiful. I don’t deserve such a great Grandma.

We finally arrived at the entrance of the Kiyomizu-Dera temple. In the distance, we saw Steven and Greg, waving to us like dorks. Steven was wearing a grey and navy Yukata, while his dad was just wearing his usual clothes.

“Spinel!” Steven said, running towards me, hugging me tightly.

“Stevi, please don’t mess up my Kimono,” I said, but couldn’t help blushing on how touchy Steven is today.

“Sorry, it’s just good to see you. I love your kimono, it looks so adorable on you. But don’t you think a kimono is a little too fancy to wear at a festival?” Steven said, looking at me with his shiny black eyes.

“That’s what I told Grandma, but she said that I must look my best. So, yeah.”

“Well, she sure does have a great sense of style.”

“Yeah… I really like your kimono.” I said, trying to not be so awkward.

“Thank you, bun-bun. But it’s actually a yukata, remember I’m dirt poor.” He said, causing both of us to laugh.

“You’re not dirt poor Steven. You own the most valuable and precious thing in the world. It’s worth more than anything.”

“Oh yeah, and what’s that?”

I tried so desperately to try to kiss him on the cheek, but I’m a midget compared to him. He started to laugh when he saw me hopping up and down, trying to reach his face.

“Steven, can you crotch down please?”

“(chuckling) Whatever you say, shorty.” He said, bending his knees a little. I finally reached his cheek and planted a small kiss.

“My heart,” I said, giving him my answer.

“I can’t deny that, and I’m honored that I have it,” Steven said, softly patting my head.

“Stevi, don’t mess up my hair!”

“Sorry.”

“Well schtu-ball, I’ll let you crazy kids have fun. I’m going to find the stand that sells mochi.” Greg said, running off in a hurry. All for a ball of frozen milk.

“And I’m going to pay my respects, while also supervising Gregory. I suggest you do the same, darling.”

“Of course, Grandma, see you soon.”

“And Steven, you take care of my Granddaughter young man.”

“Of course, Ms. Valentine. I won’t let anything happen to her.” He said, taking an oath to protect his most precious.

“Please, you can call me Whitney. Ms. Valentine was my mother.” Grandma said, leaving the two of us behind.

“Come on Bun-bun, let's get something to eat. The fireworks don't start for another couple of hours.” He said, grabbing me by the hand, dragging me to the nearest food stand.

Steven and I did all sorts of cool stuff. We ate delicious food, played carnival games (Steven won a game of Shateki, winning me a Gudetama kendama). After the game, we did some more eating and exploring, while also seeing a Kabuki performance. We are now on our way to the best part of the temple, the otowa waterfall.

“Are you ready to drink the sacred otowa water, Steven?”

“You bet your adorable dimples I am. I’m going to drink from the stream of longevity. Which one are you going to drink?”

“The fortunate love life, of course.”

“Why am I not surprised, I think we will have a very fortunate love life.”

“But you do realize you don’t just drink out of it? You first have to wash your hands and then drink it from your right hand. Not out of the ladle.”

“Well, I didn’t know that, I thought you just drank it from the giant spoon.”

It’s precious to see Steven learn new things, even though these sacred traditions are taught from birth.

“I’m surprised that there isn’t a huge line.” Steven said

“Maybe everyone is trying to find the best spot to watch the fireworks.”

“That could be it.”

We waited in the line for five minutes, Steven messed up the first time (the buddist monk got mad at Steven, but he let him have one more try. He succeeded, now he is granted a long life), once it was my turn, I did the thing and I was done. Steven was shocked that I knew what I was doing.

After the waterfall, we went inside the temple. Both of us lit some incense, prayed to Kannon, gave an offering to the deity, and left.

Since there wasn’t any left to do, we just hung around until the firework show started. But Steven, we want to take me to a secret part of the temple. A level that was being renovated. I told him that we will get in so much trouble. But he said ‘all the workers are getting drunk, and the monks are trying to control the drunk workers.’ It didn’t feel right to trustpass, but no matter how insane he is, I trusted him with all my heart. I know he would never intentionally hurt me.

“What did I tell you Spinel, look at the amazing view. We could see the entire show from up here.” He said, laying his hand on my head (it started to get a little annoying, but I liked that Steven was so touchy with me.)

“It is really nice, I’m having so much fun with you.”

“Me too, bun-bun.”

The firework show doesn’t start for another half an hour. The both of us just stood there in silence, looking at the beautiful view of Kyoto.

“Spinel, can I ask you something?”

“Of course, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, it’s just. Are you okay, since the Winterfell dance, I have been very worried about you?”

“Why wouldn’t I be okay, I’m having so much fun tonight.”

“No… I didn’t mean tonight what I was trying to say is. Are you okay, being around someone like me?”

What’s that supposed to mean, ‘someone like me’?

“Someone like you, you make it sound like a bad thing? Steven, you are not bad, I hate it when you act like this, always with the self-hatred, it’s getting old.”

He did respond, just looking at the view. Another awkward silence, but this one only lasted for five minutes. The silence broke when Steven made the sound of a dying monkey.

“I can’t take this, I can’t do this anymore.”

“Steven, are you-”

“Okay! No Spinel, I am not okay, and neither are you.”

I didn’t know how to respond, it’s not easy to calmly react when Steven starts acting like this.

“Steven, let’s just take a deep breath. Whatever it is, we can work this out.” I tried to calm him down, but failed miserably.

“Don’t act like you don’t know, you know exactly what’s wrong. Something that happened only less than a week ago. I’m still surprised that you can even look at me in the eyes, hold my hand and tell me you love me. Why don’t you hate me, for everything I've done?!?”

“Steven… I never hated you, not one little bit. I don’t know why you would think something like that.”

“You’re really going to make me say it, are you?”

“Say what-”

“Stop pretending!” He yelled, causing me to step back away from him.

“Stop pretending that nothing has happened, stop pretending that I attempted to rape you in an alleyway.”

“Steven I knew that you would never do something like that. You weren’t in control, that notebook poisoned your mind-”

“Poisoned my mind? It wouldn’t matter if it poisoned my entire body. What would have happened, if you didn’t fight back? The thought of it makes me ashamed of myself. Would you still think it was the death notes fault if I violated you?”

“Well… What’s your answer?” Steven added, getting angrier.

“Speak.”

“Speak for the love of God!”

“Steven, you’re frightening me.”

“Stop avoiding the question, just say it. Say you hate me, that’s all I want. Clive would have never been in your life if it wasn’t for me. Everyone around me gets hurt, I’m just a coward talking a big game. How could you still love me, for all the pain I caused you? And you’re right, I had no control whatsoever. But it scares me to death, of what could have happened. I could never forgive myself.

“But what terrified me the most, was what happened in hell. What could have happened that night. The present that Clive was giving me was you, he wanted me to have sex with your unconsciece body. I passed out when I saw you, and thought of the outcome if I did what he said.

“He had a gun to my head, he said that if I don’t do it. Everyone of his imps would have done it. So what I tried to do was beg Ryuk to kill us both. I knew in my heart if I died, Clifford would have done something to you, and I didn’t want you to suffer. It sounds selfish, but it felt like my only option. But, Yami stopped him, convincing him to tortue me instead. And you know what happens after.

“I deserved all the pain and suffering that night. So I didn’t fight back, that is until Yami got you involved.” He said, wiping his tears. But it was no use, there were so many that he couldn't wipe them all away. I started to cry as well, I hate seeing Steven in so much pain, feeling so much shame.

“My mother was right, I should have never been born. I’m nothing but a cancer, a parayst feasting off the ones I care about. You were right all along Spinel. I am a monster, I’m not savior, no hero, nothing. Nothing, but a cold-blooded monster.

“I don’t deserve you, someone as pure and innocent. Someone like you, doesn’t deserve to be with someone like me.”

All the pain, from day one of his life. Is being poured out, all that bottled up negative feelings, all being released. A boy, who could make the saddest girls’ life a dream come true, is more broken than the girl, than me. He hated himself before Clive, he was taught to think of himself as an accident.

There was only one thing I could do, and that is come clean.

“Steven, I am not pure and innocent. All that is just to disguise myself from the person I really am.”

“I find that hard to believe, you’re just trying to make me feel better.”

“No I’m not. Someone who is innocent and pure…”

“Someone who is innocent… Wouldn’t cut a girl's eye out, put a nail in another girl's food, and butcher the face of another one with a tomahawk.”

Well, I just did it. I confessed the crimes I did in the name of love.

But all Steven could do was give me a confused look. A look that is telling someone that they are insane.

“Spinel, what the fuck are you trying to say?” Steven said, looking so confused.

“I’m saying that I was the one that killed those two girls a few months ago. When I was killing the last one, Clive caught me and said that I had to listen to him or he will give the tape to the police. I’m not a good person, Steven. I killed those girls because I was jealous. Jealous that they have bigger butts and boobs than me, while I’m as flat as an ironing board.

“I was scared that I would lose you because I wasn’t good enough. That I wasn’t better for someone as handsome and kind as you. So in a way, we are both terrible people. We all have done terrible things that we don’t regret. No matter what you did, I never stopped loving you, I loved you from the very beginning.

“So please, let’s not heal on our own. I want to be by your side. All I want is the Steven I knew back, not this devil.”

Before Steven could even answer, the fireworks had just started. We both just stared at them, like we were in some kind of trance. We walked closer together and he held my hand. Not taking his eye off the beautiful show.

“I won’t be that man anymore, I will work hard, to make things better for us. No matter the obstacle, we will face it head on. Because we are in this together, us against the world. I’m going to retire from being Kira. The world already has a more stable Kira. I will only use the death note for emergencies only, and I will not let my ego get in the way of keeping you safe. I will go stronger, for you and myself. We will also be our own people, achieving what we want most. And then, we will have time for us to grow and be better people. The us in the past are dead, now we have to be the best 2021 selfs we can be. This is a new year, a year for change and healing. I will live up to my word, Spinel, I will not let you down.”

“I never doubted you for a second, my love.”

To be continued