Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It started with the fucking headaches. And with Todoroki, because Katsuki’s life was a joke.

He was training with IcyHot when a sudden pang of intense pain attacked the left side of his head and his vision got blurry out of his left eye. It hurt so fucking bad that he wasn’t able to focus on dodging Todoroki’s next attack, so when the other boy threw a wall of ice in front of him, Katsuki unceremoniously knocked his head against it. Which fucking hurt, too.

He fell to the ground on his knees and he would’ve been throwing explosions at his opponent already if it wasn’t for the intense pain he was feeling in his head. He pressed the heel of his hand firmly against his left eye and tried to think of what the fuck was happening to him. Was he sick? Was his vision finally decaying after too many bright explosions? Did he overuse his quirk? He couldn’t pin down what the hell had caused this intense amount of pain, but it was sure making it hard to concentrate on anything but that.

“Bakugou? Are you okay?”

Katsuki almost laughed.

“Just fine,” He said through clenched teeth and screwed both eyes shut, counting to ten in his head.

“I don’t think that’s entirely true,” He heard Todoroki’s hesitant voice closer to him.

He actually laughed this time.

“You think so, asshole?”

“I think we need to go to the infirmary.”

“No, we fucking don’t,” He replied angrily, because that sounded like a fucking inconvenience, and tried to glare at the man peering down at him but he doubted it was intimidating enough since his eyes were watering.

Todoroki only frowned slightly.

“You look like you’re in pain. And you’re also bleeding.”

At this Katsuki frowned too and lifted one hand to his forehead. He immediately hissed when he touched the right side of it and when he looked back at his hand it was covered in blood.

“Shit.”

“Here, I’ll help you up,” Todoroki said, stretching a hand out to Katsuki.

He eyed it warily for a few seconds. He and Todoroki weren’t really friends, but they also weren’t enemies anymore. After three years of being in the same class, Katsuki learned that it was better to accept the boy was a damn good hero and a damn good sparring partner, too. They had developed a sort of relationship in which they would train together every once in a while, they would go all out until they were both sweating and aching all over, and that was that. They didn’t really talk about anything except to point out a good move or to give some advice in some tactic or another, and if they encountered each other in the dorms it was to agree on the time and place of their next sparring match. Overall, Todoroki was Deku’s friend, not his. He didn’t despise his guts, but he also didn’t really like him that much, so accepting help from him felt out of his comfort zone.

“Bakugou?”

Katsuki screwed his eyes shut for a few seconds and let out a shaky breath before snapping his glare back to the boy.

“Fine,” He bit out bitterly, and took his hand.

Todoroki helped him up and kept a hand on his elbow while they walked out of the gym and towards the infirmary. They were mostly silent and Katsuki was only partially glad that it was Todoroki the one that was accompanying him since the idiot knew how to mind his own business and didn’t say anything every time Katsuki’s breaths were shaky and labored due to intense pain fogging his mind and vision. He was starting to wonder if he might have a concussion, when they finally reached Recovery Girl’s office. Todoroki knocked once and Katsuki flinched just the tiniest bit at the noise. Fucking hell, what was wrong with his head? It felt as if it might split in two at any second.

He barely heard Todoroki talking to Recovery Girl and absentmindedly noticed that he was being moved to sit on a bed, but he couldn’t really focus on anything except trying not to pass out. Suddenly, his pain diminished significantly, and his vision cleared, leaving only the pain of a small and normal headache. He blinked and saw Recovery Girl leaning back on her stool from where she might’ve kissed him and wiping his forehead with a towel.

“Thanks,” He said grudgingly and grabbed the towel himself.

“Is he okay now?” Todoroki asked a little bit farther than Recovery Girl.

Katsuki narrowed his eyes at him. “What are you still doing here?”

“I wanted to make sure you wouldn’t die on me,” Todoroki said shrugging, impassive look as always.

“Fuck off,” He said wanting to throw his bloody towel to the idiot’s face.

“Language,” Admonished Recovery Girl, rolling her eyes and stepping off her stool. “He’s fine, it seems that you might’ve overused your quirk and got a headache from dehydration. Rest for today, take lots of liquids and you should be fine.”

He saw Todoroki frown behind her. “That looked like it was way worse than just overusing his quirk.”

“I imagine the concussion didn’t help the pain that much,” She grabbed a bottle out of a drawer on one of the cabinets in the room and gave it to Katsuki. “Some painkillers, in case your headache returns, but only rest will make it disappear entirely. Come back if you feel any symptoms of your concussion get worse.”

Katsuki huffed. He almost agreed with Todoroki because he knew what overusing his quirk felt like and he had never felt such an intense headache before but whatever, he just wanted to be out of the infirmary already.

“Right,” He said, hopping off the bed and leaving the towel there, taking the pills with him. “Whatever. Thanks.”

“Go with him to make sure he doesn’t fall over,” Recovery Girl added talking to IcyHot, and Katsuki narrowed his eyes because he could almost swore he saw her smirk.

“Of course,” Todoroki said and grabbed his arm, dragging him out of the room. “Good afternoon.”

“Let me go,” He murmured shrugging out of Todoroki’s grasp. The boy only eyed him curiously but said nothing while they walked back to the dorms.

After a few minutes of silence Katsuki took a deep breath before speaking.

“So… I need you to not mention this to Deku.”

The boy looked at him confused. “Why not?”

“He will just worry about it and there’s no need for it. You heard Recovery Girl, I’m fine,” He answered shrugging.

Todoroki looked away for a few seconds, frowning. “You were in a lot of pain.”

“Clearly I’m not anymore. Besides,” He rattled the bottle of pills. “I’ve got painkillers, so really there’s nothing to worry about.”

Todoroki looked unconvinced but after a moment he nodded. “Alright.”

Katsuki breathed out a sigh of relief. “Great.”

--

A couple of days later Katsuki was peacefully listening to some music while reading a book in the most comfortable couch of the living room with his knees pulled close to his chest and a warm cup of coffee on the table, when his left earbud got ripped out of his ear.

“What the fu-”

A head full of green hair with a face filled with freckles appeared next to his from the back of the couch.

“Why didn’t you tell me you went to the infirmary?” Deku asked, clearly angry about it and giving him one of his scolding looks.

Katsuki immediately winced and buried his face in the book he was reading, against his knees.

“Fucking Half and Half,” He groaned to the book, frowning. That’s what he got for trusting that asshole.

“It wasn’t Todoroki-kun.”

He lifted his head and found Deku now in front of him, his arms crossed over his chest and his face in that same reproachful look.

“Who was it, then?” He asked, puzzled.

“I went to see All Might to one of his monthly check-ups and Recovery Girl asked me if you were feeling better after your concussion.”

Katsuki winced again and repressed the urge to thump his head against his book once more. Stupid.

“Shit, I forgot about that,” He muttered avoiding Deku’s scolding eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Deku asked again, and before Katsuki could bury his head in his book once more, the nerd took it out of his hands. He huffed and crossed his arms defensively over his chest.

“Because it was nothing! Just a headache and a small concussion, nothing out of the ordinary,” He muttered.

Deku sat next to him and grabbed his face with both hands, squishing his cheeks together and pulling him closer to stare at him. Katsuki complained and squirmed but at the end gave up and just let himself be manhandled by Deku.

“I worry about you,” Deku said simply, still looking at him with concerned and reproachful green eyes.

Katsuki sighed and leaned more willingly into Deku’s hold. “I know you do, that’s why I didn’t tell you. I’m completely fine and Recovery Girl gave me some painkillers in case the headache returns,” Katsuki leaned closer and gave him a small chaste kiss on the lips. “You always worry too much.”

Deku’s gaze finally softened and he moved his hands from his face to lean his head on Katsuki’s knees, hugging them to his chest with his arms.

“I’m your boyfriend, I’d be a pretty bad one if I didn’t worry about you,” Katsuki chuckled and dropped a kiss to the top of Deku’s hair. “You promise you’re fine?”

“Yes, nerd, I promise,” He answered rolling his eyes and ignored his stupid fond smile.

“And you will tell me next time?”

“I will. Now, let me get back to my book. If you behave, I might let you watch me while I read.”

“Oh, wow! Can’t believe I’m allowed such a luxury,” Deku answered with a grin on his face and forcing his legs open to lay more comfortably on his chest. “You sure I deserve it?”

“I don’t know, fetch me a glass of wine and a pug and maybe I’ll say yes.”

Deku laughed again against his chest and Katsuki squeezed him closer to him, forgetting about his book and just enjoying spending time with his boyfriend.

--

A few days passed when it happened again. This time he was cooking dinner for him and Deku when he started to notice a dull pain forming in the left side of his head, he stopped chopping the vegetables and grabbed the counter with both hands. When the vision out of his left eye started to get blurry, he quickly turned off the stove and left the kitchen, heading straight to his bedroom.

When he finally reached his floor, he was hardly seeing out of his left eye and was having a hard time not bumping into every wall and door around him. Cursing, he hastily opened his door and closed it behind him, struggling his way to his nightstand. He pulled out the bottle of painkillers Recovery Girl had gave him and he swallowed two pills at once without even drinking water, he then laid face down on his bed and put a pillow over his head, squeezing his eyes shut for safe measure. Just what the hell was wrong with him?

After a long time, he couldn’t really tell how much, he sat up blinking away the water from his eyes and got up from the bed. His headache was only an uncomfortable pain in his left side, and he could see almost perfectly well out of both of his eyes.

When he went back to the kitchen, he found Deku engrossed in his homework sitting on the floor and working in the living room table. When the blond entered the room, Deku looked up from his notebooks and smiled at him and Katsuki felt the familiar warmth spread throughout his chest.

“Hi,” Deku said, getting up and coming to kiss Katsuki’s cheek. “Where’d you go? I thought you were cooking dinner.”

Katsuki opened his mouth and then closed it again. He looked at his smiling boyfriend and his loving smile and his big green eyes and thought that no, it made no sense to worry him about something as small as a headache.

He leaned down and quickly kissed Deku’s lips.

“Just went to the bathroom,” He replied before walking towards the kitchen.

“Need some help?” Deku asked, as he did every time Katsuki cooked.

“No, I don’t want to die today, thanks,” He answered rolling his eyes. He heard Deku’s usual complains about not letting him help.

“I’ll just put my stuff away and I’ll go with you,” Deku added. Katsuki turned around and narrowed his eyes at his boyfriend.

“No touching anything.”

“Yes, yes, I know, no touching,” Deku replied rolling his eyes.

“Last time you touched something there was an explosion,” Katsuki replied.

“Stop bringing it up!”

“Hurry up, then,” Katsuki replied smugly and walked towards the kitchen again. Yeah, everything was fine.

--

Except it wasn’t. His headaches never really went away, and instead of appearing every few days like the first times, it started to happen every other day, if not every fucking day. The painkillers helped in subsiding the pain to a tolerable level in which he could function like a normal person, but it still made him more irritable and snappier than usual. It was a good thing he was now able to recognize the second one of the headaches was about to start so he could bugger off to his room or the bathroom and deal with it until it went away. He had taken to carry the bottle of painkillers around and he started to take three pills at once every time he had one of his headaches to make them last less. They didn’t really last that long, ten or fifteen minutes tops (he had timed it), but those minutes felt like hours when he was struggling to not cry out of frustration and pain.

Katsuki was honestly surprised he had managed to keep it a secret for such a long time. About a month had went by since the first time it happened and he always had the excuse of going to the bathroom. By now he was sure Deku thought he had an intense case of diarrhea, which was embarrassing but better than worrying his boyfriend. Worrying his boyfriend was maybe at the top of his list of Things I Won’t Ever Want To Do Again along with getting kidnapped and eating shrimp. He really hated shrimp.

Deku and him had gotten together in second year after finally managing to have a functional and healthy friendship free of sometimes borderline stalkerish behavior and episodes of uncontrolled rage. And since then, Katsuki had worried Deku enough for a lifetime. Turns out, getting locked in your room for days with no food and no water by your mother as punishment was not a normal childhood event that every kid went through. Neither was getting slapped every time he said something his parents disapproved of or getting your arm broken by getting thrown against a table (that was only one time but apparently it still wasn’t something common to go through, which had been a concept that was hard to grasp at the time). When they started officially dating and Deku realized that every time Katsuki went home for the weekend he returned with a new bruise or scratch and talking less than usual, it wasn’t long before he figured out what went down in his house.

And Deku was just. Amazing. He did so much. He was the one that convinced him to talk to Aizawa, the one who took him to Recovery Girl every time his injuries were harsher than usual, the one that helped him pack up his stuff from his house when his custody was taken by the school and the one that helped him fall asleep every time he woke up from a nightmare crying and sweating. Deku had literally changed his life and he would forever be grateful to have him as a part of it. Sometimes it felt unreal that a person like him, full of issues and rage and trauma, had managed to score a boy so kind and selfless and good.

That’s why he never wanted to be the cause of Deku’s worrying again. He still remembered Deku’s concerned eyes every time he came back from his house, he remembered him crying at night when he thought Katsuki had already fallen asleep and since then he had decided to not be a burden to Deku anymore. And because of that he was not going to tell him about his little migraines that sometimes made him cry because his boyfriend did not need another thing to worry about. After a year of being together and six months out of his abusive home Deku still worried crazy about him even if it was something as small as a bruise from hero training. He understood that. He really did. If someone treated Deku like his mother had treated him he would probably do some very unhero-like stuff to the person responsible for it. It still was something Katsuki wanted to avoid and he would try his hardest to not get Deku involved in his shit again.

It would be significantly easier if his headaches weren’t so fucking frequent. Last time it had caught him at the end of a group exercise in hero training and he had been lucky enough that Jirou sent a huge sound wave that marked the winning of his team making it easier for him to leave and go suffer in the bathroom in privacy. He knew it wasn’t normal. He knew it was starting to affect his capacity as a hero and that he needed to get it checked out. But also. What if it was nothing? Katsuki knew how to handle pain. His mother had taught him well. This pain didn’t feel normal. But what if it was? And Katsuki was just being a big fucking baby about it? He couldn’t ignore that voice in his head and he decided that as long as he wasn’t actively dying it was something he didn’t have to worry about and it would probably go away on its own.

--

Of course it didn’t because Katsuki’s life was a joke. Next time it happened it was so sudden and intense that he barely had any time to disappear and cry in the privacy of a bathroom. He was in the library with his group of idiot friends helping them with their math homework when his left eye felt heavy and like it was closing on its own.

“I gotta go,” He said getting up quickly and gathering his stuff. “Text me if you have more questions,” He added stuffing some papers in his backpack without really caring about organizing them as he usually would.

“Um, you have something to do?” Asked Kaminari sounding confused.

“Yes,” He replied through clenched teeth because the pain was increasing, and he was struggling to know if his left eye was open or closed.

“Aww bro, so soon?” Kirishima asked, pouting.

“What are you doing??” Ashido asked leaning closer to him.

“Mind your own damn business,” He muttered, and he would’ve rolled his eyes if he could.

“Are you ditching us for Deku, again?” Kaminari said in a teasing voice.

Katsuki suppressed his urge to groan in pain and also annoyance. “You guys are way too possessive.”

“You’re like our parent!” Added Ashido excitedly. “You feed us and you teach us stuff and you train with us!”

Kirishima grimaced. “Does that mean Midoriya’s like our mother?”

“More like step-mother,” Said Kaminari.

Katsuki slapped a hand over his face and did groaned, feeling his headache get worse. He was a hundred percent blaming his friends for that.

“Can I text you even if I don’t have any questions?” Sero asked. Katsuki paused putting his backpack over his shoulder and stared at Sero in what he hoped was a puzzled look and not a fucking hell, am I pain look.

“Why would you text me for then?”

“I don’t know, just to chat.”

“You’re an idiot,” He replied and walked away.

“I already text you anyways!” Sero screamed.

“Wait, Bakugou!” He heard Kirishima say after him.

Katsuki turned around and shot them a bland look.

“C’mon, shitheads,” He said groaning, just wanting to leave so he could cry a little bit. “You’ll survive without me for a couple of hours,” He frowned, and after a pause in which he thought about it, he added, “Well… most likely,” He said shrugging and left.

Once he was out of the library and had walked a safe distance away from it, he allowed himself to collapse in an empty hallway. He pressed both hands to his face and took deep breaths trying to control the watering of his eyes, leaning his back against a wall and pressing his head against his knees. One would think that after going through the same pain so many times he would get used it, but really, he didn’t. Once he felt that he was more in control he took out his painkillers only to realize that he only had two pills left. Huh, that couldn’t be good, it had been barely a month since he started taking them. He swallowed his two pills anyways and waited. He left his head buried in his knees with both arms over it because complete darkness seemed to help his useless left eye.

“Are you okay?”

Katsuki startled and looked around. When he realized who was talking, he groaned and buried his head on his knees again.

“You sure know how to ask stupid questions.”

“Is it your head again?”

Katsuki groaned once more. Couldn’t he suffer in peace? The universe wasn’t even going to grant him that? He heard Todoroki’s footsteps get closer and he made a long groaning and complaining sound.

“Go awaaay,” He almost whined. Almost.

“Maybe you should see Recovery Girl.”

“Shut up.”

“Did you overuse your quirk again?”

Katsuki lifted his head and narrowed his eyes at Todoroki, that was now sitting cross legged in front of him looking as unbothered as always.

“Look,” Katsuki said trying to keep his expression somewhat normal and his breathing not so shaky. “Just because you’re friends with Deku doesn’t mean you have to be my friend too, so you can bugger off and leave me alone.”

Todoroki made that same small frown that indicated that he was feeling something other than complete indifference.

“I’m no trying to be your friend just because Deku is my friend,” Todoroki said as if it was obvious. “In fact, I’m not trying to be your friend at all if you don’t want to. But you’re clearly in pain and I want to help, it’s what heroes do.”

Katsuki stared at him for a few more seconds and then bumped his head against his knees screwing his eyes shut.

“My head hurts too much for this shit,” He muttered.

“What about the pills Recovery Girl gave you?”

“Took them all already.”

“That can’t be healthy,” Todoroki said and he could almost hear the frown in his voice.

Katsuki laughed with difficulty.

“Got one thing right, asshole.”

“Are you really not going to Recovery Girl?”

He pulled out his phone from his back pocket and looked at the time.

“It will pass in like two minutes. Maybe five.”

“How do you know?”

He returned to his previous position.

“I’ve timed them.”

Todoroki didn’t say anything after that and Katsuki stayed still waiting for his headache to become a tolerable level of pain again. He wasn’t sure how much time passed, if it was two minutes or five or ten, but when he looked up blinking away some tears, he found Todoroki in the same position, scrolling through his phone. Todoroki looked up too and put his phone away.

“Has it passed?”

“Yes,” He replied feeling completely puzzled as to why fucking Shouto Todoroki was still talking to him after he had repeatedly told him to leave.

“I feel like your headaches are not exactly normal.”

“You think so,” He said with a dumb expression on his face, feeling bewildered.

“I think you should go get checked with Recovery Girl,” Todoroki said while standing up from his place.

Katsuki got up too and felt too confused to say anything else.

“Feel better.”

He started to walk away. Before leaving the hallway completely, Todoroki turned around to give him one last unreadable look.

“I won’t tell Deku.”

And then he left.

What the fuck.

After spending a couple of minutes pondering on the bizarreness of the entire conversation he shook himself and walked back to the dorms. Todoroki was a weirdo.

Chapter Text

Next day, he, Deku and the ‘Bakusquad’, as the idiots liked to call themselves, where lounging around in the common room. Katsuki would never admit this out loud, but these were one of his favorite moments. These people were the ones that had seen him at his worst, and they still decided to stay by his side. It wasn’t that usual that Deku hanged around with them, because he usually spent time with his own group but his friends had taken to drag Deku with them sometimes because they said that Katsuki yelled less when he was around his boyfriend. Which might be true, but that was another thing he wouldn’t admit. Deku seemed to enjoy spending time with him and his friends anyways and Katsuki was happy that he could have this. People he actually liked hanging out with him.

“So, Midoriya, funny thing,” Kaminari said sitting up from where he was laying on the floor, head on Kirishima’s lap, when Deku returned from the kitchen carrying a bowl of chips. “How come you’ve never told us any embarrassing stories of Bakugou when you were kids?”

Deku squeaked and almost dropped the bowl he was holding. Katsuki rolled his eyes and got up from his place, grabbing the bowl from Deku and putting it on the table.

“Leave him alone,” He muttered glaring at the blond and grabbing Deku’s hand to drag him to the couch to sit next to him.

“No, but seriously! Nothing you wanna dish out? How come you guys have been together for over a year now and Midoriya has never given us any blackmailing material?” Ashido whined, from her place on the floor where she was already leaning over the table to grab some chips.

“I’m a good boyfriend!” Deku exclaimed indignantly, leaning his head on Katsuki’s shoulder.

“Bakugou has told us some stuff,” Said Sero.

Katsuki gasped and threw a pillow over at Sero, the boy caught it put it over his head and leant back on the couch, snickering at his expression.

“What?! Kacchaan!!” Deku screamed, pushing away and looking at him scandalized. “What did you tell them?!”

Katsuki turned to glare at Sero and showed him his middle finger. He heard the rest of them laughing and he huffed.

“Nothing,” He said pointedly, returning to look at his boyfriend. “I told them nothing!”

“Ohh, don’t lie now, Bakubro, you’ve been caught,” Kirishima said teasingly.

“I have no friends,” He said coldly, staring at the four of them with a deadly glare as they kept giggling.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Ashido said rolling her eyes. “Anyways, don’t worry Midoriya, it wasn’t anything too embarrassing, and it wasn’t really on purpose, to be honest,” She said waving a hand around dismissively.

Deku was still going back and forth staring at their faces, looking nervous. Katsuki felt bad for him because, honestly, there were a lot of embarrassing things he could’ve said about Deku from when they were kids that he had many reasons to be paranoid about.

“Kacchan, tell me what you said!”

“First of all, he was drunk, so don’t break up with him,” Kirishima said.

“I wasn’t going to-”

“And it was before you guys got together,” Ashido continued, ignoring Deku.

“Aw, that’s right! My guy was all Deku won’t ever love me, Kiri, it was cute.”

Deku turned to look at him, smiling. “Is that so?”

Katsuki felt his cheeks get warm.

“I have no friends, you all can go to hell,” He reiterated, looking away and crossing his arms over his chest. After a bit he felt Deku poke his arm a couple of times and he grudgingly held his hand out, still looking away. His boyfriend linked their fingers immediately and Katsuki felt a little bit less embarrassed, just a little.

“So, he got drunk because he was feeling miserable due to his unrequited feelings for you-”

“They were not unrequited!”

“-and he started blabbing about reasons why he shouldn’t like you,” Kaminari continued, ignoring Deku’s interruption.

“What?”

“Oh, don’t worry Midoriya, he could only come up with two,” Sero added, with an amused grin.

Katsuki sank further into the couch, wondering if he could melt with furniture. The only thing that was keeping him in this conversation was Deku holding his hand over his thigh.

“It was so sweet!” Ashido said clapping her hands. “He said that you were too nice for him and that liking you was bad for his health because you could never feel the same way about him!” Ashido finished with an endearing voice.

Katsuki, that was still glaring at everyone, felt Deku tug at his arm and he reluctantly turned his head to look at his boyfriend. Deku was looking at him with fondness and amusement and Katsuki had to stop himself from leaning over and kissing him right there in front of everyone.

“You’re cute,” Deku said smiling sweetly at him.

Katsuki pushed him off the couch.

“One day, your boyfriend will tire of getting pushed every time you feel embarrassed,” Sero said laughing.

Katsuki scoffed. “Shut up.”

“Mean,” Muttered Deku, crawling on the floor to sit cross legged in front of him, leaning his back over Katsuki’s knees. Katsuki opened his legs so Deku could fit in between them and ran one hand through messy curls.

“Anyway,” Kirishima added. “The only other reason he could come up with, was that you-” Kirishima got interrupted by his own snickering.

“W-what?!” Deku asked sounding nervous and scared, fidgeting with his hands

“That you-”

“Guys, come on, Deku doesn’t has to know-”

“That you used to lick his hands to know what his sweat tasted like,” Kaminari finished, bursting into giggles immediately, followed by the rest of the group.

Katsuki groaned and covered his face with his hands. Deku was going to be mad. At the moment he had been so drunk and the possibility of Deku ever returning his feelings had seemed so impossible that the fact that Deku might not want that piece of information shared with his friends never even crossed his mind. To be fair, that was honest to god, the only other reason he could come up with to not like Deku, and it wasn’t even that he was mad about it (not anymore, anyways) but only that it had been a little bit weird, even for Deku.

“Oh god,” He heard Deku’s mortified voice.

Katsuki moved his hands to look at Deku. His boyfriend was covering his face with his hands and was pressing his head against his knees. Katsuki couldn’t help but laugh a little. He moved his arms to wrap them around Deku’s shoulders and pressed his face in the crook of his neck.

“It’s not that embarrassing,” He murmured so only he could hear him, dropping a kiss to Deku’s neck.

“It’s not?!” Deku replied lifting his head to look at him. He was all red cheeks and flustered expression. Cute. “I was a weirdo!”

Katsuki laughed again. “Yes, but look at you now,” He kissed his cheek and squeezed him closer to him. “Only slightly weird and normal-passing.”

Deku pouted. “Mean.”

“I like you despite your weirdness, aren’t you lucky?”

Deku rolled his eyes but when he looked back at him, he was smiling.

“I guess I am.”

Katsuki couldn’t help but return the smile.

“Are you gonna push me now?”

Katsuki snorted. “Nah,” He moved away from Deku and stood up, pulling his boyfriend along with him. “We’re calling it a night,” He said to the rest of the group.

Sero made a grimace. “Are you guys leaving to have sex?”

Deku squeaked embarrassed by his side and Katsuki only rolled his eyes.

“So what if we are? Got a problem?”

“That’s- we are not- Kacchan!!”

“Don’t forget I sleep in the room next to yours,” Kirishima added.

“That’s why we’re going to Deku’s.”

“Kacchan!!”

“Poor Aoyama,” Murmured Kaminari.

“Later, idiots,” He said grabbing Deku’s hand and dragging him towards the elevator.

“Goodnight everyone!” Deku said behind him waving goodbye.

“Midoriya, you didn’t give us any Bakugou dirt!” Ashido whined as they were leaving.

Deku giggled. “Maybe next time!”

Once they were inside the elevator, Katsuki pulled Deku close to him by his hand and looped his arms around his neck kissing him like there was no tomorrow. Deku made a surprised sound but wasted no time in returning the kiss, grabbing Katsuki’s hips and pressing their bodies together. As much as he liked spending time with his friends and Deku, he liked having his boyfriend all too himself so much more.

They kissed and kissed for a while and it was nice and sweet and hot. It was only when Deku broke away for a few seconds to take a quick breath that he noticed they weren’t moving.

“Did you press the button?”

“What button?” He asked, starting to lean in to kiss Deku again.

Deku started laughing and gave him a quick peck before pulling away.

“The button so we can go to my room?” Deku asked still laughing and pressing the number two on the elevator.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, come here.”

Deku giggled and grabbed him again by the hips to continue what they were doing.

It was in this moment, that Katsuki felt his eye starting to get heavy, because as he had said before, his life was a joke. He tried to keep kissing Deku and to concentrate in his hot boyfriend, but his headache was starting to make itself known with more intensity every second.

Thankfully, the elevator opened, and they broke away to go to Deku’s room. Katsuki tried to take deep breaths and to act as if there wasn’t anything wrong but he knew that in no time he would be on his knees, and not for a good reason.

“Go ahead,” He told Deku squeezing his hand. “I just have to go to the bathroom.”

Deku gave him a sympathetic look and Katsuki almost laughed because he was sure his boyfriend was thinking about his non-existent diarrhea.

“Yeah, of course,” Deku gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll leave the door unlocked.”

“Thanks.”

Once he was sure Deku had entered his room, he turned around and headed straight to the common bathrooms, since those were closer and he knew he had little time before he couldn’t see shit out of his left eye. This time he didn’t have his pills because he had already taken them all and he knew this headache would be so much more painful and longer than the other ones.

It was a miracle he made it to the bathroom, and he couldn’t even get inside one of the stalls. He fell to the ground on his knees and held his head in his hands pressing as hard as he could, trying to do something to distract himself from the pain. God, he felt so pathetic. How was he going to be a hero if he couldn’t handle a fucking headache? How could he be so weak that something as small as a migraine was enough to take him down, making him literally useless?

He shakily took his phone out of his back pocket and set a timer. Now that he didn’t have any more pills, he would have to know how much the headaches lasted to see if he needed to came up with different excuses or places to hide.

It hurt a lot and he counted to a hundred and forty-three when he finally felt capable of removing his hands from his head without gasping in pain. He hastily wiped the tears that always seemed to fall whenever this happened and took a deep breath. It still hurt but it was much more tolerable than before, and he guessed that it would last maybe for a couple of minutes before he was able to get up and go back to Deku. He checked his phone and winced when he saw the timer. Twenty-eight minutes. Those were a lot of minutes. Practically half an hour. He would have to come up with something else or go see Recovery Girl to get more pills.

He got up with shaky legs and weak arms and leaned his back against a wall, resting his head on it, trying to put himself together.

“Bakugou?”

Katsuki jumped and opened his eyes, he hadn’t even realized he had closed them. He looked around and saw Kirishima staring at him with a concerned look. Katsuki winced because he hadn’t heard his friend come in.

“Hey,” He said nodding to him.

“I thought you were with Midoriya?” Kirishima asked walking closer to him.

“Yeah, just came to the bathroom.”

He stepped away from the wall and immediately stumbled.

“Woah! Dude, what’s wrong?” Kirishima caught him skillfully by the elbows. “You look like crap,” His friend said, examining his face.

Katsuki took a deep breath and grabbed Kirishima’s arms to support himself.

“Just had a headache, it’s all,” He mumbled.

“This looks like more than just a headache,” Kirishima replied while helping him stand on his own again.

“Uh, I have diarrhea?” He said hoping that his friend would buy it and leave it alone. He still felt a little bit disoriented and weak.

Kirishima snorted. “Okay, dude, what type of diarrhea would have you almost fainting on me?”

“The bad one?”

Kirishima shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Bakugou-”

“Wait,” He interrupted. He closed his eyes and took another deep breath, bringing a hand to press the bridge of his nose. Once he felt ready, he opened them again to look at Kirishima with a determined look. “It was a headache, but I promise I’m fine, I’ll go to Recovery Girl if it happens again, alright?”

Kirishima looked at him unconvinced.

“Are you really fine?”

“Yes! I haven’t been sleeping that great so that must be it, don’t worry about it, man,” He replied, putting one hand over Kirishima’s shoulder, and squeezing to reassure his friend.

Kirishima stared at him for a few more seconds, “Fine,” He finally muttered.

“Thanks, man,” Katsuki said before walking to leave the bathroom. He came to a halt and turned to look back at Kirishima with a sheepish look. “Uh, could you like, not tell Deku about this?”

Kirishima narrowed his eyes at him. “Why?”

“You know how he gets,” He said while waving a dismissive hand. “He just goes crazy over the smallest thing and I don’t wanna worry him,” He answered shrugging a little.

Kirishima snorted. “Yeah, tell me about it. I still haven’t forgotten the look he gave me that time I accidentally broke you finger with my quirk during training.”

Katsuki smiled with fondness at the memory.

“See? Let’s just avoid that.”

“I guess he’s had good reasons to worry about you like that,” Kirishima said, giving him one of those looks that his friends always gave him every time his past came on to the conversation. Like a mix of concern and empathy but also anger. It weirded him out when it came from anyone else but Deku.

Katsuki shifted uncomfortably on his feet and looked away for a few seconds.

“Right. So you won’t say anything?”

“Sure, dude.”

“That’s great,” He said giving Kirishima a thumbs up. “Thanks, Kiri. See you tomorrow.”

He quickly left the bathroom and headed to Deku’s bedroom. His head still hurt and even though it wasn’t as intense as before it was still an annoying and uncomfortable feeling in the left side of his head.

He knocked on Deku’s door before opening it and found his boyfriend sprawled on his bed, reading a comic. When Katsuki entered, Deku looked up at him and gave him a small smile.

“Hi,” Deku put the comic away and sat up, opening his arms. “You okay?”

Katsuki took off his shoes and went straight to his boyfriend’s arms, straddling his lap and hugging him by the waist, burying his face on the crook of his neck. Deku’s hands immediately went to caress his hair and his back and Katsuki hummed in contentment, already feeling better.

“Yeah. Just have a small headache.”

“Mm,” Deku muttered pensively. “Could it be something you ate?”

Katsuki chuckled. “Yeah, probably,” He replied a little too weak.

Deku moved so they were lying flat on the bed without disrupting their position that much and kissed his forehead a bunch of times. “Just sleep for a bit then, I have some painkillers you can take when you wake up.”

Katsuki closed his eyes and felt safe, as he always did when he was with Deku.

“Thank you.”

“It’s okay. Love you.”

Katsuki kissed Deku’s collarbone.

“Love you more.”

--

He was dying. He had to be. Or his head was exploding. Either way, he couldn’t really take it anymore.

He had checked his phone and twenty-eight minutes had come and passed. He was going on forty-five now and he wasn’t sure he was gonna be able to handle it anymore. He had thrown up once from the pain and he wasn’t about to do it again. For some reason this headache wasn’t dying down, not even a little bit, and his left eye might as well be closed because he couldn’t see shit. He grudgingly admitted to himself that he needed to see Recovery Girl or he was gonna die. At least that’s what it felt like.

It was a good thing it was that time in the month when they didn’t have that many assignments or training to do. Most of the students took advantage of this short period of free time and went to visit their families during the weekend. Katsuki was obviously not one of these people but he usually went to visit Auntie Inko along with Deku. She was practically the only decent motherly figure he had known his entire life and he liked going with Deku to spend time with her. It almost felt like a real family. Almost. He could never really shake the feeling that he was intruding in their relationship and forcing them to break their routine. That’s why every once in a while, he stayed behind to let them have some alone time so they could talk about whatever they did when Katsuki wasn’t around. Deku knew better than trying to convince him to go with him during these moments so he always left with an I’ll miss you and a Text me if anything happens.

So, for once, he was lucky enough that Deku wasn’t around to witness him in such a deplorable state. He stumbled his way out of his room and to the elevator and pressed the number one. He slid to his knees and he pondered on how much time he spent laying in random surfaces because of his fucking headaches. He had a newfound appreciation for beds now. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths. He felt his headache get the tiniest bit better and when he opened his eyes, he could kind of make out shapes out of his left eye. He wondered if he had to go see Recovery Girl, after all.

The elevator doors slid open and Katsuki had no time of standing up from his position on the floor. Who the fuck could still be in the dorms?

“Bakugou?”

Ah, of course. Todoroki was the other person that didn’t went to his house on the weekends for obvious reasons. And it was just his luck that he would catch him going through one of his headaches, fucking again.

“Hello,” He muttered weakly because he honestly couldn’t care that much about it at the moment.

Todoroki came inside the elevator and knelt next to him. He stared at him for a few seconds without really saying anything.

“How long has this one lasted?” He finally asked.

Katsuki pulled out his phone.

“Like an hour, maybe.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“Were you going to see Recovery Girl?”

Katsuki nodded.

“I think that’s smart.”

Katsuki would’ve laughed if his headache wasn’t killing him.

“I’m going with you.”

“Sure. Fucking whatever.”

Todoroki raised his eyebrows, looking a little surprised and Katsuki huffed.

“As if I could fight you on it right now.”

“Guess you’re right,” Todoroki said after staring at him. “Let me help you up.”

“Please. Be my guest,” Katsuki replied, voice dripping with sarcasm but let Todoroki practically carry him up, nonetheless. He was so tired and in so much pain that he was wondering if there was really anything he could deny in his current state.

Todoroki pressed one of the buttons and the elevator started moving again.

“Where does it hurt?”

“What?” He asked confused as to why he was asking that question.

“Where does it hurt?” Todoroki repeated louder, probably assuming Katsuki hadn’t heard him.

Katsuki snorted. “The left side of my head. Can’t really see shit out of my left eye when I get one.”

“Really?”

“Mhm.”

Todoroki looked at him with what he could only call a horrified look.

“That sounds like it sucks.”

Katsuki managed to laugh a little. “Could be worse.”

Todoroki looked at him as if he was the one being strange and that made Katsuki laugh once more. Once the elevator stopped, they both walked together out of the dorms and towards the infirmary and throughout the whole way there Katsuki kept stumbling on his feet and Todoroki had to stop to catch him every time. He was also knocking against anything that was on his left side so Todoroki had to switch sides with him so he was the only thing Katsuki could collide with. It was a long fucking walk and he was surprised that he wasn’t crying his eyes out at this point.

Recovery Girl opened the door for them with a frown and made Katsuki lay down in one of the beds immediately.

“This doesn’t look good,” She muttered, checking his temperature with the back of her hand.

“Doesn’t feel that great either,” He replied closing his eyes.

Katsuki lost track of time for a bit. He must have fallen asleep for a couple of minutes because next time he opened his eyes it was to the sound of people murmuring not that far away from him. His headache was mostly gone now, and he could see pretty well out of both eyes, Recovery Girl must’ve healed him. He just felt incredibly tired and like he needed ten more hours of rest.

He sat up and looked around, finding Todoroki and Recovery Girl talking, the latter writing something in her medical chart.

“Um, I’m up.”

The both of them turned to look at him. Todoroki looking concerned and Recovery Girl looking stern.

“First of all, young man,” The woman said walking towards him and standing on her stool to look at him in the eye. “I need you to know how irresponsible you’ve been with your health this last month.”

Katsuki frowned. “What?”

“Young Todoroki here has told me all about you crying from pain. Why didn’t you come straight to the infirmary the second something like that happened?”

Katsuki turned his gaze to Todoroki and narrowed his eyes at the boy. Todoroki just shrugged, looking not sorry at all.

“It wasn’t that bad,” He answered, returning his gaze to Recovery Girl. “I’ve had worse.”

Recovery Girl glared at him, looking like she wanted to scold him but at the same time pat his head.

“Just because you’ve had worse doesn’t mean you get to skip needed medical attention!”

Katsuki looked away. They had both gone through this conversation many times before. “Sorry,” He muttered.

Recovery Girl stared at him for a couple of seconds and then looked down at her medical chart. “So, according to Young Todoroki’s observations, you’ve been having multiple migraines that tend to be quite painful. Care to tell me since when has this been happening?”

Katsuki bit his lip before answering, getting ready to get scolded. “Since the first time Todoroki brought me here.”

Recovery Girl only pursed her lips and wrote something in her chart.

“And you took the painkillers I gave you every time they happened?”

“Yes.”

“And how often do these migraines appear?”

“It used to be every few days but now it’s more like every fucking day. Just once a day, though.”

“And how many pills you took?”

Katsuki bit his lip again. “Two. Sometimes three. Only sometimes!”

Recovery Girl muttered something under her breath, and he could make out the words irresponsible boy and dangerously unhealthy. Their conversation kept going pretty much the same. She asked him how long they lasted (she told him that timing them was a very useful thing to do), if he had experienced any more symptoms (he was tempted to say diarrhea just in Deku’s honor but he held himself back) and if the painkillers had helped (only in a half assed way). When he explained that only his left eye was affected every time he got a migraine she looked genuinely puzzled about it and wrote more furiously on her medical chart. By the end of it she was writing non-stop and scolding Katsuki at the same time. It was honestly impressive.

“Right,” She said closing the chart. “I thinks that’s all I need to know for now.”

“So what is it?” Asked Todoroki, that had been completely silent during the whole exchange.

“I won’t be able to tell exactly what’s wrong with him without more thorough examinations.”

“What?” Katsuki asked, starting to feel dread forming at the pit of his stomach.

Recovery Girl gave him a concerned look. “Your symptoms are very weird, Bakugou. My quirk should’ve been able to heal any lasting trauma caused by the concussion you got a month ago but there could always be an exception to this. I’m not really sure though, so I think you should get an MRI done.”

“What?!”

“I know it sounds a bit scary,” Recovery Girl added looking at him sympathetically. “But it’s just to rule out any dangerous possibilities. You can get it done right here in the school. Our added medical wing it’s one of the bests in the city and we have really advanced technology in medical devices. The procedure lasts thirty to forty-five minutes and it’s completely painless so really, you have nothing to worry about.”

Katsuki said nothing. This was not at all what he was expecting.

“I just wanted more painkillers,” He mumbled quietly.

“Oh! That reminds me. Here,” She said while stepping out of his stool and taking out a different bottle of painkillers. “These ones are a different type of medicine. They were made with the assistance of a lot experts with quirks that are specialized on the numbing of pain and relaxation,” She finished while handing him the smaller bottle.

“Right.”

“Bakugou,” Recovery Girl said, suddenly sounding more serious than before. “These pills are stronger than the other ones I gave you. You should not, for any reason, take more than one a day. If the pain is too high, you come here. Do you understand that?”

Katsuki slowly nodded.

“Great. You should take them as soon as the first symptom of your migraine starts to manifest. They will numb most of the pain in your head but I’m not so sure if they will help that much with your vision in your left eye. You might experience some side effects like dizziness or shakiness in your hands, but it shouldn’t be too extreme, if for some reason it gets too intense, you come here. Get it?”

“Uh, sure.”

“Keep in mind that this is only a temporary solution until we find out the exact reason for your migraines. I think that will be all, but don’t forget that if anything gets too painful, you-”

“I come here, yes, I get it,” He interrupted rolling his eyes but smiling a bit.

Recovery Girl returned his smile.

“Is next Saturday at seven alright for your MRI?”

“That’s quite soon,” Todoroki said, reminding Katsuki of the boy’s existence and the fact that he had been listening to the whole conversation.

Recovery Girl finished writing something at the end of her chart and then looked back at Katsuki.

“The sooner we get it done, the better.”

“Yeah, Saturday works,” He answered, already trying to think what the fuck he was gonna tell Deku when that day came.

“Well, you guys are dismissed,” She said while walking towards the door, opening it for them.

Katsuki and Todoroki walked out of the infirmary in complete silence, until Todoroki broke it when they were halfway through their way to the dorms.

“It’s probably nothing, right?”

Katsuki looked at him and for some reason, Todoroki’s completely impassive and unbothered expression brought some sort of calm and security to him.

“Of course it’s nothing,” He replied. Todoroki gave him a small smile and Katsuki returned it.

However, when Katsuki was laying on his bed late at night, completely incapable of falling sleep, he didn’t feel so sure about it. A continuing buzzing coming from his bedside table distracted him. He grabbed his phone and unlocked it to check the notifications.

Deku :

hi, babe

Deku :

my mom made the biggest dinner i’ve had in years

Deku :

i probably gained like twenty pounds

Deku :

will you love me even if i don’t have my hot bod anymore?

Deku :

mom asked me about you

Deku :

we played monopoly and uno and we missed you flipping the table every time you lose ):

Deku :

hey, that’s something embarrassing i could tell ashido! blackmailing material and stuff

Deku :

you’re coming next time, i’m not listening to your excuses anymore

Deku :

i miss youuuuuuuu

Deku :

i know it’s only been a day but i’ve heard that being needy is the new charm

Deku :

anyway how has your day been? exploded any villains today?

Katsuki couldn’t help the smile that formed in his face once he finished reading the bunch of texts.

Katsuki :

gosh, you really are needy

Katsuki :

you’re lucky your boyfriend’s the embodiment of patience

Katsuki :

tell your mom thanks for me, since i can hardly feed you when you’re here

Katsuki :

next time i’ll help her cook

Katsuki :

and the answer to your question is: no. the truth is that the only reason i keep you around is your sexy abs so you better start taking more care of them

Katsuki :

just kidding

Katsuki :

as long as your ass stays the same i’ll always love you

Katsuki :

also, ashido already knows i tend to get aggressive if i loose given the fact that we’ve played monopoly together. get a better story

Katsuki :

day’s been fine, exploded nothing but my endless will to study

Katsuki :

had a bit of a headache but i’m great now

Katsuki :

i miss you too

Katsuki :

a lot a lot

Deku:

another headache??!!?

Deku:

are you okay??

Deku:

did you go to recovery girl?

Deku:

maybe i should come back early tomorrow

Katsuki :

dude, come on

Katsuki :

it’s not that serious

Katsuki :

i did go to recovery girl and she gave me some painkillers again

Katsuki :

already took one and i’m feeling fine

Katsuki :

don’t worry about it

Katsuki :

you just concentrate on enjoying your weekend

Deku:

are you sure?

Deku:

i wouldn’t mind coming back early

Deku:

i already miss you

Deku:

mom would understand

Katsuki:

absolutely no

Katsuki:

i’m fine. spend time with your mom, you dumbass, you’ll see me tomorrow anyways, there’s no point in rushing it.

Deku :

promise you’re fine?

Katsuki:

promise

Deku :

alright

Deku :

love you

Katsuki:

love you more

Katsuki turned off his phone screen and laid back down on his bed, a lump growing in his throat. He was fine. He really was fine. And everything was going to be fine. He kept repeating that to himself until he fell asleep.

Chapter Text

Katsuki had made up his mind. And that was that he was fine, and everything would be completely fine. He had analyzed the situation from different angles and had concluded that he didn’t even know if there could be any bad outcome to getting that MRI done. Best case-scenario? There was nothing wrong with him and his headaches were caused because he was having trouble with his vision, which would totally make sense since his explosions were so damn bright. Worst case-scenario? There was actually something wrong with him. If that were to happen then he would just get treated for it and that was it. Anyways, worst case-scenario was unlikely to happen because Katsuki was a young, eighteen-year old boy, that was the definition of healthy (physically, at least), so really, he had nothing to worry about.

He spent the week decidedly not thinking about Saturday and instead enjoyed his newfound free time of not having to duck in an empty alcove to cry. The new painkillers really did work, but Recovery Girl was right. They didn’t help his vision at all, so every time he started to get a migraine, he had a hard time functioning like a normal human being since he couldn’t see out of one eye. And on top of that, the side effects were also fucking annoying. Not only was he not able to see properly, he felt dizzy out of fucking nowhere, and cooking and taking notes was turning out to be something way harder than it should be.

His boyfriend noticed because of course he would. But Katsuki was a very smart man and managed to blame it all on his lack of sleep and his non-existent diarrhea. Deku, being the amazing person that he was, didn’t really mentioned when he sometimes knocked against every furniture in a room or when he missed the food entirely and cut his fingers instead. He just pushed him aside when he was about to collide with a wall or put band-aids on his cuts whenever it happened. He knew he was worried about him but Katsuki liked to think that he compensated it by being confident. Which, in other words meant exercising a lot and having sex. Deku hadn’t complained about it so far so Katsuki assumed it was working as a good distraction. If not for Deku, then for him.

The only thing that made him just the tiniest bit anxious was fucking Half and Half. The guy had taken to throw him this looks. They were indecipherable and Katsuki wanted to punch him. It just made him feel like Todoroki was letting him know that he had an advantage over him because he knew his secret. At the same time, he knew that the guy wouldn’t do that. No matter how clueless he was about social cues, Todoroki had tried to help him so far and he had respected his wishes when he asked him not to say anything to Deku. Still, it irked him, and he wanted to punch him just for his own satisfaction.

It was way too soon that he found himself laying in his bed on Friday night and staring at the ceiling thinking about his appointment next morning.

“Don’t be stupid,” He muttered to himself and narrowed his eyes at the ceiling. “Everything will be fine.”

There was a knock on his door and then Deku’s freckled face poked from the side of it, a hand covering his eyes.

“Are you decent?”

Katsuki took off his shirt and threw it at Deku’s face.

“Yes.”

Deku giggled, picking the shirt off his shoulder where it had fallen and came into the room. He took off his shoes and then laid on the bed next to him, grabbing one of his hands in the process.

“How was tutoring?” Katsuki asked, turning his face to look at Deku’s.

Deku grimaced. “Good. But I don’t think Hagakure got every part of the assignment.”

“Well, you can’t be perfect all the time.”

Deku blushed. “Shut up.”

Katsuki moved to lay on his stomach, throwing a hand over Deku’s waist.

“Don’t worry, she’ll get it next time,” He murmured, closing his eyes and nuzzling Deku’s shoulder. “You’re good like that.”

He felt Deku move his arms to loop them around him.

“You’re gonna make my ego get too big.”

“Isn’t it already?”

Deku pinched his arm and Katsuki yelped.

“Be nice!”

Katsuki bit his peck. “I’m always nice.”

Deku squeaked and Katsuki kiss the place he had bitten.

“Hey,” He said after a bit of silence.

“What?”

“I’m running tomorrow.”

“You’ve been really energetic lately.”

Katsuki smirked and slid one of his hands under Deku’s shirt, caressing his abs.

“Are you complaining?”

“A-ah! No, of course not,” Deku said squirming a bit under his touch. “Just curious.”

Katsuki started to leave little kisses in Deku’s shoulder, moving up his neck.

“I’m going early,” He said, moving to straddle Deku’s body, never stopping his task of kissing every bit of skin that Deku’s shirt wasn’t covering. “So I probably won’t be here when you wake up.”

Deku gasped and moved his hands up his hips, squeezing them hard.

“Mm, that’s fine- ah, I wake up late, anyways,” Deku’s hands went down to squeeze his ass. “God, you’re like really distracting.”

Katsuki chuckled and lifted his head to kiss the tip of Deku’s nose.

“See you for breakfast then?”

Deku was working on unbuttoning his pants.

“Yeah, sure, whatever you want, babe,” His boyfriend said, clearly not paying attention to him and struggling to get his fly open.

Katsuki laughed again and helped him out. He already felt better, and it was easier to remind himself that everything was, most likely, going to be okay.

--

Next morning, he found himself walking back to the dorms with a CD case on his hands that written on it had his name, the date, and a picture of an explosion that he had drawn himself when the nurse asked him to write his name on the disc. Who would’ve thought that they gave you your results right away? Well, in his hands they were still pretty much useless since he couldn’t really understand what the fuck the pictures of his brain meant. He had talked to Recovery Girl and she told him that she’d let him know once the results got interpreted, but that it probably wouldn’t be that much of a wait.

His mind was surprisingly blank, and he wanted to keep it that way. He stuffed the disc inside his hoodie pocket and went inside the dorms, thinking about what to make for breakfast. It was once he walked into the living room that he contemplated turning around and texting Deku to meet him at a McDonald’s because fucking IcyHot was not gonna help to keep his mind off the damn subject.

It was too late anyways. Todoroki had already seen him and was staring at him over his cup of coffee from his place on the couch, still in his pajamas.

“You look like you’re not in pain.”

Katsuki froze on his way to the kitchen for a few seconds and then laughed.

“Damn, IcyHot, you have such a way with words,” He replied still laughing a bit and continued his way to the kitchen.

It wasn’t long before the guy trailed behind him.

“How did it go?”

Katsuki took out the disc and threw it at Todoroki, who caught it by reflex.

“What is this?” He asked, turning the case around in his hands.

Katsuki started to make more coffee. “The results.”

“Are they really?” Katsuki nodded. “What is it then?”

“No fucking clue,” He replied, and sighed while leaning a hip on the counter and rubbing his face with his hands. So long for not thinking about it. “Recovery Girl will tell me once they’ve been interpreted or some shit.”

Todoroki looked pensive for a while. After a few seconds of silence, he opened his mouth but got interrupted by the sound of footsteps coming towards them. Katsuki looked horrified at the disc with his name on it in Todoroki’s hands and the other guy seemed to be wearing a similar expression.

The person came into the kitchen and Katsuki’s heart stopped when he saw Deku, yawning and stretching his arms over his head. His eyes moved back and forth from Deku and Todoroki and he didn’t know what the fuck to do. He was itching to grab the disc from Todoroki since the guy had no pockets where to hide it but he also didn’t want Deku to be suspicious of him just grabbing something from Todoroki.

“Kacchan!” Deku said with a bright smile once he saw him, and then frowned slightly confused when he saw Todoroki standing in front of him. “Oh! Good morning, Todoroki-kun!”

Todoroki was standing with his back to Deku, facing Katsuki and he saw the guy’s eyes get wider, staring intently at the disc in his hands. Suddenly, in a quick and almost imperceptible movement, he stuffed the disc down his pants and turned around.

“Good morning, Midoriya,” He said with the same impassive voice as always. “You’re up early, today.”

Katsuki was too busy trying not to scream in laughter.

“Yes! I wanted to get some training before getting the day started,” His boyfriend replied animatedly.

“That’s good,” Todoroki said nodding. And then, “I’m gonna go.”

“Bye,” Said Katsuki almost letting out a burst of laughter as Todoroki started to walk away from the kitchen.

“Wait, Todoroki-kun!” Deku interjected.

Todoroki slowly turned around, still looking like there was nothing wrong.

“Yes?”

“Are we still training later today?”

“Of course,” He replied with a serious nod. “See you then,” The guy finished before finally walking away from the kitchen.

“See you!”

Katsuki couldn’t help it and started laughing the minute he saw him disappear.

“Hey!” Deku said poking him on the chest. “Don’t make fun of him!”

Katsuki laughed harder. “I’m not! I promise!”

Deku looked at him with a disbelieving look.

“He’s actually decent,” He replied still laughing a bit.

“Right,” Deku replied clearly not trusting him.

Katsuki rolled his eyes and pulled Deku closer, kissing his forehead.

“Let’s just eat,” He said turning around and opening the fridge.

A pair of arms snaked around his waist and a kiss was dropped on the back of his neck.

“Good morning,” Said his boyfriend.

Katsuki smiled, feeling the familiar fluttering in his stomach that only Deku managed to awake in him, and realized his mind was pleasantly blank again except for the thought of Deku.

Later that day, when he was walking with Kirishima to the gym, Todoroki stopped in front of them, looking as disgruntled as ever.

“Hey, dude!” Kirishima greeted him excitedly.

Todoroki instead looked at Katsuki blandly before shoving a yellow envelope on his chest. Katsuki grabbed it from him frowning, but once he felt the hard, flat object a smug smile broke into his face.

“The hell?” He heard Kirishima murmured in a confused voice by his side.

“Goodbye, Kirishima,” Replied Todoroki, eyeing Katsuki in distaste, before walking away.

“I hope you cleaned it!” He yelled smugly after the guy. Todoroki flipped him off and Katsuki burst out laughing.

“What was that all about?” His friend asked him once Todoroki had left.

Katsuki was still grinning amusedly. “Just an inside joke,” He replied.

--

Two days later, Katsuki and his friends were playing video games in the common room. He was kicking ass in Mario Kart, as always, and Kaminari looked near to bursting into frustration tears, which was always a plus.

“This game is ridiculous!” Kaminari screamed at the screen when he came in 11^th place once again.

“You just say that because you suck,” Sero replied taking the controller out of Kaminari’s hands. The blond huffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Can we play Mortal Kombat?” He muttered.

“No-uh! Not until I beat Sero’s ass again, he owes me revenge!” Kirishima exclaimed from his place on the floor, leaning his back against the couch. Katsuki stretched and looked down at his hands, noticing that they were already shaking a little.

“You go,” He said, handing the controller to Kirishima and moving to sit on the ground to free the couch. “I’m taking a break.”

“Fucking yes!” The redhead screamed and took Katsuki’s place next to Sero. “You’re going down, dude!”

“Can I play?” Ashido asked.

“No!” The four of them said at the same time.

Ashido pouted. As a rule, they didn’t allow Ashido to partake in any videogames they played because she was freakishly good at them and always won. Really fucking fast, too. It was unfair and no fun, not even Katsuki could win when he went against her.

“You guys suck,” She said as she took out a bunch of bottles of nail polish, putting them on the table. “Blasty, can I paint your nails?”

Katsuki looked down at his shaky hands.

“Sure,” He said shrugging. Better now that they weren’t so bad.

He moved to sit next to Ashido, that was sitting on the floor leaning over the table lining her preferred colors.

“What color do you want?”

“I don’t care,” He replied. “You chose.”

Ashido looked at him beaming. “Can I really?!”

Katsuki snorted. “Yeah, whatever. I don’t give a fuck.”

She smiled and then turned to glare at their other three friends.

“See, you idiots, Katsuki is the most fun.”

Kaminari gasped, indignant. “What? No, he’s not. You said he’s like our parent!”

“He´s a fun parent.”

“You’re just saying that because he lets you paint his nails,” Sero said, not taking his eyes off the screen.

“Well, yeah!”

“Hey!” Kirishima intervened. “I let you paint my nails, too!”

“Yes, but only red and that’s not fun enough,” She replied grabbing a bright purple nail polish. “Gimmie,” She said making grabby hands at Katsuki.

“Well, that’s a manly color.”

“You have a weird obsession, man,” Katsuki murmured to Kirishima, giving his hands to Ashido.

“Are you okay?” She asked frowning and quietly, while looking at his trembling hands.

“Yeah, had too much coffee,” He answered quickly. “Here,” He said as he put his hands flat on the table so the shaking wouldn’t be too much of an issue.

She eyed him warily but started to paint his nails anyway.  She painted each finger a different color while Kirishima and Sero played over and over again, trying to out win each other. Meanwhile, Kaminari protested that they were supposed to play a different game after the third race, but everyone ignored him.

It was fun and relaxing until they got interrupted.

“Uh, Bakugou?”

The five of them turned their heads towards the person that had entered the living room. Poor Mashirao took a hesitant step back at the sudden staring that he was subjected to. To be fair, Katsuki never really talked to the guy so it was kind of weird for him to be addressing him out of nowhere.

“What?” Katsuki asked narrowing his eyes.

Tail Guy rubbed the back of his neck. “I saw Recovery Girl and she told me that she wanted you to come to her office.”

And just like that Katsuki’s heart dropped and all he could think about was the stupid disc buried under his mattress. He couldn’t really talk for a bit because he felt a lump form in his throat.

“Blasty?”

He finally shook himself out of his stupor and turned to look at Ashido, that was staring at him with a confused expression. Katsuki turned his eyes back to Tail Guy and grabbed the table harder.

“Was it an urgent thing or did it seemed like it doesn’t matter?” He asked, urgently. “Did she look worried or just like she usually looks like?”

“Uhhh,” Mashirao muttered, looking nervous. “Look man, she just said to come talk to her whenever you had some spare time, I’m just repeating what she told me.”

Katsuki huffed. “Right, thanks,” He looked back at Ashido. “Are you done?”

“Um, yeah, they should be dry now,” She replied, still looking at him weird.

Katsuki stood up and now found himself subjected to the staring. He rolled his eyes and almost laughed when he saw Tail Guy scramble away from them.

“Don’t look at me like that,” He scoffed, glaring at his friends.

“Just- dude, you looked kind of pale for a moment,” Kaminari said, not stopping his staring. “Are you alright?”

“Of course I’m fine,” He said feeling just a tiny bit nervous.

“Are you sure?” Kirishima asked. “What did you mean by-”

“Don’t worry about it,” He said hastily while starting to walk towards the exit. “I’m gonna go see what she wants.”

“But you’d tell us, right?” Sero chimed in, looking at him frowning. “If it was something?”

Katsuki stopped to look at them and felt his heart clench. They all looked so concerned and he knew it was because he had gone to Recovery Girl on his own a bunch of times in the past to treat injuries he told no one about. He had gone so often that now the two of them had  developed a sort of amicable relationship, given the fact that he spent quite a lot of the time convincing her that his bruises and scratches were the result of a ridiculous accident that got more and more improbable and bizarre every time he went back. They were the only ones, apart from Deku and the teachers at U.A., that knew why he, out of nowhere, had started living permanently in the dorms. He still remembers when they found out and had all their suspicions confirmed when Katsuki told them he had a shit mom and a coward dad; all of them had looked so indignant and angry on his behalf that, at the time, he didn’t know if he felt moved or offended.

He hated to think that he was once again hiding something similar from them, but he preferred doing that, that having them worrying about him all over again. Besides, it was nothing, right? There was probably nothing wrong with him.

“Yeah,” He said swallowing his guilt. “Uh, I’ll see you later, guys.”

Everything would be alright. There was no reason to worry anyone. Right?

Chapter Text

There was something about being wrong that Katsuki would never get used to. Like that one time he realized that Deku wasn’t looking down on him his entire life and he was genuinely a kind and good person. That had been weird. Or that other time, when he realized that not every child got their asses beaten by their parents every time they left a glass out of place. That had been weirder.

This time though, it felt more than weird. It was like an out of body experience. To know that he had been wrong about something that he wanted to, he needed to be right about was just unreal. He was fucking counting on being right. He wasn’t actually expecting there to be something wrong with his MRI results.

“Bakugou?”

Katsuki looked up from where he was looking at the ground. Recovery Girl was staring at him with a concerned look and glassy eyes. She was fidgeting with a handkerchief that looked suspiciously wet and Katsuki stared at it some more. It was red. He usually liked red.

“Bakugou?”

He looked up to meet her eyes.

“Are you alright?”

Was he? He wasn’t sure. It all felt very dream-like. Despite that he nodded, holding her gaze. She swallowed audibly and sat up straighter behind her desk.

“It’s okay if you need time to process or to be alone for a few minutes. I can leave the room if you think it’s necessary-”

“It’s not,” He interrupted. “Just keep going.”

She averted his eyes and seemed to be thinking about what to say next. This went on for a while, her not saying anything and Katsuki sitting pretty still, waiting for her to continue. Finally, she cleared her throat and clicked something on her computer, grabbing the mouse and scrolling while her eyes traveled all over the screen.

“So, the anomaly that was found in your MRI results is quite… peculiar,” She replied, focusing her eyes on him once more. “It explains your symptoms and frankly, we were all surprised that all you experienced were headaches and trouble with your vision.”

Katsuki stared, waiting for her to continue but she had stopped once more and was just looking at him with those same wide and concerned eyes.

He huffed and rolled his eyes. “What is it?” He asked exasperated. “What’s wrong with me?”

Recovery Girl flinched and her eyes looked even more watery. “Bakugou…”

She sighed and grabbed her tablet. She tapped some stuff on the screen and then turned it around, placing it on the desk so Katsuki could look at it. On the screen were his results, he knew because he had looked at them himself on his laptop. No matter how much he stared, all he could see were blurry images of his own brain and at the time he remembered thinking that it was quite ugly, and he didn’t care that much for it.

Recovery Girl zoomed in with her fingers on a specific part of the image.

“See this?” She asked, pointing at a sort of circular shape that looked a slightly different color than the rest of the image. He nodded. He hadn’t really seen that before.

“This is a tumor.”

Katsuki stared at it for a while. It was still ugly. He leant back on his chair, hands shaking because of the medicine or maybe because of the tumor, who knew at this point. He blinked once, then twice, and then another time and it still felt like it wasn’t happening to him.

“As your doctor, it’s my duty to inform you of the entirety of your condition,” Recovery Girl continued and Katsuki kept on staring at the image of his tumor. It didn’t look so big, maybe like the size of a golf ball. But then again, it wasn’t really supposed to be there so it might be huge, all things considered. “This type of tumor is called Glioblastoma multiforme,” She said while scrolling on her computer. “It’s one of the most common types of brain cancer between teenagers and adults.”

“Hah,” He let out drily. Common. That was a word that had never been used regarding him. New things all around, apparently. Except his tumor, of course, that was ordinary, it seemed like.

Recovery Girl looked at him frowning. “What?”

“Nothing. Keep going.”

She eyed him carefully. “Are you sure you don’t want to be with someone right now? Maybe call Midoriya or-”

“No,” He said hastily, glaring at her. “Just keep going.”

She frowned for a bit but continued. “This type of cancer is hard to diagnose because it doesn’t start manifesting symptoms until it’s quite advanced. What we usually call the stage your tumor is at the moment is Grade III,” She grabbed her handkerchief and turned it around in her hands again, in what it seemed like a nervous habit, but her face still looked pretty serious. “Bakugou, it’s important that you know how severe your condition is. It’s actually really surprising that your symptoms haven’t involved anything more than a headache so far, given the fact the tumor has been present for a long time.”

Katsuki took a deep breath in and then let it out slowly. He was starting to feel like there was something trying to break within him but he ignored and managed to keep it to himself. He nodded so Recovery Girl knew he was listening.

“It’s necessary that we start the treatment as soon as possible, but…”

She looked away from him and her hands tightened around her damp red cloth and Katsuki knew. He just knew that he was in for something bad. That he was fucked.

“I… Bakugou-kun,” Katsuki took another deep breath, somewhat shaky. “This type of cancer is really… It’s usually hard to treat. Even more when it has reached such a high grade. At this point, even if we treat it…” Her voice wavered a bit and she swallowed. “There’s not many people that survive it. Only 10% of the patients manage to get through the treatment and only 6% actually live a healthy life after it. Even so, there’s always a risk of the tumor coming back since the treatment can only remove a certain amount of cancerous cells, given the placement of it.”

Katsuki let out the breath that he was holding and looked down at his hands. They were still shaking, even more noticeable than before.

“Am I dying?” He asked weakly still looking down.

Recovery Girl said nothing and after a few moments of silence Katsuki looked up at her again. She was clutching the handkerchief to her mouth and her eyes looked watery, like they were about to spill a bunch of tears at any second. When they locked eyes, one stray tear fell and she quickly wiped it away with her handkerchief. It felt bizarre, that the woman that he had knew to be strict and formal was looking so completely sad over something that didn’t even affect her.

She let out a shaky breath and cleared her throat. “There are still options,” She finally said while leaning over her desk and grabbing some papers from the drawer. She spread them on the table and Katsuki noticed that she hadn’t really answered the question, but she might’ve as well have. “There are many ways we can treat your condition. Some of them are really effective, but the side effects tend to be quite bad, and some of them are more time consuming, but it allows you to have your normal routine for a while longer.”

Recovery Girl continued to explain all the different treatments that were appropriate for his type and stage of cancer and the pros and cons of all of them, while showing him the pamphlets. She talked and talked and Katsuki numbly listened. He was supposed to be sad or angry or at least worried. Instead he felt numb, and he once again felt like it wasn’t happening to him. Like he was watching himself go through this experience from an external point of view. Every time Recovery Girl stopped to ask him if he was okay, he always nodded and told her to continue but didn’t say much else besides that. Mostly, he wanted to leave.

She ended her extensive explanation by handing him the pamphlets and telling him to take a few days to think about what he wanted to do. She specifically told him that he was eighteen years old and that he didn’t need any permission from a legal guardian to make the choice for him, that even if his custody was still under the school until he graduated, he was a legal adult so any decisions regarding his health were his and no one else’s. He appreciated that. Even though that thought hadn’t really crossed his mind, he was glad that he had no obligations to talk to his parents about something like this. His mom would probably kick him out for being weak enough to get something as ordinary as cancer and his dad would do nothing as he always did.

It seemed as if hours and hours had passed since he had come to her office,when she had finally told him that he could leave, but she needed to know his decision as soon as possible. He was walking out of the door when Recovery Girl spoke again.

“Bakugou,” She said and sounded hesitant. He turned around to look at her. “Are you going to tell your friends and Mido-”

“Not yet,” He interrupted, and without breaking her gaze, he added, “I want to be the one that tells them.”

Recovery Girl slowly nodded. “That’s understandable.”

Katsuki nodded back. “Thanks.”

“I will have to know your decision by Thursday.”

Only two days.

“Right,” He said opening the door to leave.

“Bakugou?”

He turned around again.

“Are you sure… you’re okay?”

Katsuki felt an empty feeling in his chest.

“I’m sure,” He replied before finally closing the door behind him and walking away.

--

The walk back to the dorms felt pretty much the same. He was only aware of the weight of the pamphlets bunched up on his back pocket and not much else. He reached the dorms  without really realizing how he got there and stopped at the front door. Instead of going in, he went around the building, jumping the fence and going straight to the backyard where the trashcans and some hanged towels were. He sat down on the small steps that led to the laundry room door and stared at the grass under his feet.

He wasn’t sure how much time he spent staring at nothing in particular, his mind completely blank, until it finally started to sink in. There was a lump growing in his brain that wasn’t supposed to be there. He had cancer. His headaches were never nothing, they were cancer. Guess it made sense how fucking bad it hurt.

His breaths started to come out shorter and he knew he was about to have a panic attack. What was he supposed to do now? He was dying. Even if he somehow survived, chances were, he was never going to recover completely from it. What about his dream? What about being the number one hero? What about beating Deku?

What about Deku?

His hands were clenched into tight fists and he saw sparks coming out of them already. He needed to calm down. He knew having a panic attack would do nothing for him but fuck, was he feeling scared. He didn’t want to die. There was so much he wanted to do. He wanted to graduate, he was sure he was gonna get the first spot this year, ever since he left his parent’s house he could actually concentrate completely on school. He wanted to work in an agency and then open one of his own, he wanted to beat up villains and save people. He wanted to live together with his boyfriend, like they always talked about, he wanted to work alongside his friends.

He was only eighteen.

He quickly realized that he wasn’t breathing and that his heart was pounding. He felt like he was going to die. At the same time, knowing that he was, in fact, dying, made it all worse. His hands were shaking and sparking but he couldn’t move. He was trying his fucking hardest to take deep breaths, but his throat felt closed. He was stuck, not breathing and not moving and he was scared. He felt pathetic and stupid and weak-

There was a hand on his shoulder and he jumped and felt his heart beat even faster, but then mismatched eyes were in front of him and he knew Todoroki was talking but he only saw his mouth moving, and was unable to hear anything. Todoroki grabbed his hand and put it over his chest and Katsuki immediately drew it back because he was gonna burn him, but Todoroki insisted and he barely noticed how the guy had used his ice to cool down his hand so there weren’t any more explosions coming out of it.

Todoroki pressed the palm of his hand against his chest and Katsuki could feel the big intake of breath the boy took. He tried to imitate it, but he found it impossible and he started to panic again. Todoroki did it again and again and again, until Katsuki was focusing on that constant rhythm under the palm of his hand and he was starting to be able to take bigger breaths and not short pants.

After what felt like a long time, Katsuki was able to hear stuff around him and his breathing was mostly even. He took his hand away from Todoroki’s chest and the boy sat down crossed legged in front of him. He had looked concerned and scared when he first arrived but now he looked as normal as ever and Katsuki wanted to punch him but at the same time his never changing face brought him some sort of calm.

“I’m fine now,” He said looking away from him, starting to feel embarrassed. How fucking pathetic of him.

Todoroki said nothing and when Katsuki glanced back, the boy was staring at him as if waiting for Katsuki to say something else. He didn’t.

Finally, Todoroki broke the silence. “Is it about the results?”

Familiar dread and anger started to form inside of Katsuki and he laughed.

“Wanna guess?” He asked, bitterly.

“Bakugou-”

“Wanna fucking guess what’s wrong with me? Because, let me tell you, it was quite a surprise,” He exclaimed, no longer feeling scared but angry and frustrated.

“I don’t think-”

Katsuki abruptly stood up and ran both hands through his hair, pacing angrily around the backyard.

“Bakugou,” Todoroki said, grabbing his shoulder.

Katsuki turned around to glare at him. “Aren’t you gonna guess?”

Todoroki looked at him lost and seemed hesitant to even open his mouth.

“I have cancer,” He said, and grabbed one of the pamphlets from his pocket, the one that briefly explained what a brain tumor was. “All those headaches? Cancer. A tumor, actually. Wanna know what’s funny?” He thrusted the pamphlet at the guy’s chest. “It’s a common one.”

Todoroki seemed to have frozen. Maybe he had, with his quirk or something. He was looking down at the pamphlet in his hand with his mouth open and his eyebrows high, completely astonished.

Katsuki laughed. “Been fucking there, buddy,” He said roughly.

Todoroki looked back at him, mouth closing and opening. Katsuki took the pamphlet out of his hand and stuffed it inside his pocket again. Todoroki stared at him some more and Katsuki finally started to realize what he had done. His heart started to beat faster and he thought of Todoroki telling the whole class, of him being pulled out of the Hero curse, of Deku leaving him because he was, once again, too much to deal with, of his friends growing tired of his issues and his baggage. He was panicking again.

He didn’t know what to do or what to say to convince Todoroki to keep yet another secret for him, when the guy grabbed him and pulled him close to his chest, hugging him, and Katsuki’s mind went blank. What the fuck was going on.

“I’m sorry, Bakugou,” The guy said and sounded genuine, too.

Katsuki did nothing, arms stiff by his side, and he wanted to pull away from him, but was also too stunned to do it. Despite him feeling fucking uncomfortable he realized he was calming down again, maybe it was Todoroki’s steady breath or the fact that he was holding him in an iron grip, but a few moments later his breathing and his heart had went back to normal again. He pushed the guy away and took a step back, pulling his arms over his middle.

“Don’t do that again,” He said.

Todoroki nodded.

“I really am sorry.”

“Not your fault,” He said shortly.

Todoroki looked hesitant but spoke anyway. “How bad is it?”

“Are you asking me if I’m dying?”

Todoroki stared at him shocked for a few seconds but then nodded warily.

“I mean, you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to talk about it, it’s understandable if you want some time alone now.”

Katsuki frowned. Recovery Girl had said the same.

“I am,” He replied. “Dying, that is.”

No one said anything for a while.

“Are you sure?”

Katsuki rolled his eyes, because of course he was sure. He wouldn’t be having panic attacks left and right if he wasn’t sure that he was dying.

“Well, yeah, that was what Recovery Girl said.”

Todoroki looked awfully the same way Recovery Girl had looked back at her office and he hated it. He hated feeling like he was being pitied. Just like when his friends had found out about his parents. It was a look full of sadness and sympathy and he hated it. He wanted to punch him. Instead he pushed him hard and Todoroki moved a few steps back.

“You’re not allowed to do that,” He said harshly and eyeing Todoroki distastefully.

“Do what?” Todoroki asked looking annoyed at Katsuki and taking a step forward to probably push him back, but then he seemed to realize what he was doing and quickly schooled his features into the same concerned expression as before, going still once again.

“Fucking that!” Katsuki exclaimed in anger, pointing at his face. “Pitying me or fucking whatever it is you’re thinking! You can’t treat me differently just because I’m dying, asshole!” He said while letting out a few small sparks, this time on purpose.

Todoroki looked at him confused for a few moments and Katsuki waited for him to fight him on it. He could maybe get to punch him after so many times of being tempted to. Instead, Todoroki nodded firmly, looking straight into his eyes.

“Okay, I won’t.”

Katsuki narrowed his eyes, feeling suspicious but also a bit disappointed because he wanted to punch him. Maybe some other time.

“So. A tumor,” Todoroki said after a bit of silence, and Katsuki was glad to find that same boring expression back on his face. He nodded. “That really does suck, though.”

Katsuki said nothing and then snorted. Todoroki was funny without even realizing why, and he was getting what Deku meant when he said that Todoroki was fun.

“Yeah, it does,” He replied. He frowned when a thought came to his head. “How did you know I was here?”

“I didn’t. It was my turn to take out the trash,” The guy said pointing at a discarded black plastic bag near the steps that he hadn’t noticed before. Katsuki guessed that he was lucky that it was Todoroki the one that found him in such a state since he was the only one that knew about his whole MRI thing. And now the only one who knew about him dying.

“Todoroki.”

“What?”

“You can’t tell Deku. Or anyone.”

Todoroki looked positively angry.

“You’re gonna hide it from him. Again.”

Katsuki felt guilt form at the pit of his stomach and he swallowed. “I just don’t want anyone to know yet. I wanna be the one that tells him.”

“I agree that you should be the one that tells him. But I also think that you should tell him now.”

“Not yet.”

Todoroki’s frowned deepened.

“Bakugou-”

“He will be different,” He blurted out, sounding way more desperate than he intended to. “He won’t treat me like he always does, I know him. He’ll obsess over it, like I’m gonna break over the smallest stuff and I just-” He swallowed, trying to calm down his voice. “I just don’t want things to change. Not yet. You’ve seen him. He gets intense. And I get it, I really do, but I just- I want it to be normal. For a little more time.”

Todoroki’s frowned eased a little. “But maybe-”

“Please?”

The other guy said nothing for a while, looking stunned by the word that Katsuki had used for the first time ever with him and after a few moments, Todoroki sighed.

“Alright. But you have to tell him soon. If you don’t then I will. He deserves to know. And so do your friends.”

Katsuki swallowed audibly but nodded. He would take what he could.

“I will. I’ll tell them soon, I promise.” Katsuki looked away and clenched his hands. “Thanks,” He added grudgingly. It was always hard to be nice to IcyHot, but it was getting easier.

“You’re welcome,” He replied and once again sounded completely honest. “We should probably go inside.”

“Yeah,” He said while walking back towards the fence. “I’ll go through the front door.”

Todoroki nodded and they both parted ways.

--

Katsuki stood in front of the door for a bit, just making sure that he wasn’t at any risk of having another panic attack. When he finally felt like he was calm enough he pushed it open. He immediately heard the loud voices of his classmates snickering and talking in the living room, but he ignored them, wanting to go straight to his bedroom.

“Kacchan!”

Shit. He thought Deku was still out with his friends, it must’ve been later than he had thought. He turned around and found Deku walking excitedly towards him and Katsuki, for some reason, felt like crying for the first time that day once he saw him. As soon as the nerd was at arm’s length, he pulled him into a tight hug and buried his face on his boyfriend’s neck, just breathing his familiar scent, trying to memorize how his back felt under his arms and how his hair tickled his nose. Deku wrapped his arms around his waist and squeezed him just as hard, moving a hand to comb it through his hair. He let himself think of nothing but the warmth and comfort of his boyfriend and squeezed his eyes shut, trying his hardest to not be a fucking baby and cry about hugging Deku.

“Hey,” Deku said quietly.

“Hi,” He replied, still holding him close.

“You okay?”

Katsuki nodded if a bit stiffly.

“Where’d you go?” Deku asked pulling away a little to look at his face.

Katsuki fisted his hands on Deku’s shirt, thinking. After a bit he decided to be honest. Mostly.

“Went to Recovery Girl’s office-”

“What?!”

“She just wanted to check up on me!” He added quickly. “You know how she likes to make sure that her patients are behaving,” He added, trying to sound confident in his words.

Deku narrowed his eyes. “But why would she be worried?”

“Just… for the headache from last time. She wanted to know if the pills worked. And they did. So. That’s why.”

Deku looked at him like he still didn’t believe him completely and was about to say something else when another voice interrupted them, making them break apart from their embrace.

“Deku-kun, are you- Oh! Hi, Bakugou-kun!”

Katsuki nodded shortly to Uraraka as a greeting.

“Are you coming to movie night, Bakugou-kun?” She asked, bubbly as always.

“Hey, that’s right,” Deku said looking at him with a bright smile. “The whole class is coming!”

Katsuki winced. Being around a bunch of people wasn’t really appealing to him at the moment. Or ever, really. He mostly went when Deku asked him to but right now all he wanted was to be alone for a while. Deku noticed his expression immediately and he looked at him pouting, probably knowing that he was about to say no. Katsuki ruffled his hair aggressively.

“Sorry, nerd.”

Deku yelped and battered his hands away.

“Why not?” He asked sounding and looking disappointed. Katsuki had to make an effort to not give in to it. He didn’t want to have a panic attack in front of the whole class just because he had remembered that he was- well, he didn’t want to panic.

“I have a headache.”

Deku’s sad face changed into a concerned expression and Katsuki almost rolled his eyes at his boyfriend immediate change of mood.

“Kacchan! You’ve been having a lot of headaches lately! Maybe you do need to see Recovery Girl,” Deku grabbed his chin with one hand, forcefully dragging his face closer to peer at it carefully, and put the other one on his forehead, checking his temperature. “You might have a cold and I haven’t noticed. But you don’t really get sick because of your quirk, so that would be weird. You don’t seem to have a fever but you are warmer than the average person which means I might not be able to tell. I think I have thermometer on my room-”

“Ah! I’ll just be in the living room!” Uraraka said nervously and scattering away from them. Katsuki couldn’t really blame her, once Deku got in this mood there wasn’t much anyone could do to get him to stop behaving that way.

Katsuki looked back at his boyfriend who kept on rambling about medicines and fevers and took both hands from his face, pushing them away.

“Deku,” He said, successfully stopping the chattering coming out of his mouth. “It’s just a headache,” Cancer, his mind added unhelpfully. He swallowed. “I’ll take a painkiller and go to bed, alright?”

“I’ll go with you,” Deku said immediately after.

“No way,” He grabbed Deku’s face with both hands, squishing his cheeks together. “I’m going to sleep anyways. You should stay. I know you like hanging around with that bunch of extras,” He said smiling, not really meaning anything insulting by it, it was just a habit to call them that by this point.

Deku said something that sounded like don’t be rude but it was barely understandable because he had his mouth squeezed shut. Katsuki smiled and let go of Deku’s face, leaning down to softly kiss his lips. It was nice, familiar and comforting in a way that nothing else was and for a few seconds he wanted nothing but to grab his boyfriend and take him to his room to hug him for the rest of the night. Instead he pulled away and pinched one of his cheeks.

“I’ll text you if I need anything.”

Deku grabbed the wrist of the hand that was squeezing his cheek with both hands.

“Promise?”

“Yes, I promise.”

“Alright,” Deku finally said reluctantly, letting go of him.

Katsuki pushed him towards the living room. “Go on, then.”

“So bossy,” Deku said rolling his eyes.

“You like it.”

Deku smiled at him. “Yeah, I do.”

Katsuki returned the smile and watched him go towards the living room, watching the way Deku laughed at something Uraraka said when he sat down next to Iida, teasing the guy about something. He turned around heading to his room and let his smile drop, grabbing the pamphlets from his pocket and staring at them. He was so fucked.

--

An hour of definitely not crying his eyes out against his pillow later, he sat up on his bed decidedly. He was Katsuki fucking Bakugou, he was not about to let something as stupid as a tumor barely the size of a golf ball to end him. That was just not the way he was supposed to go. He determinedly wiped the stray tears away from his face and grabbed his laptop. He typed Glioblastoma multiforme on the search bar and started to research the fuck out of his cancer.

Thirty minutes later he was having a little panic. But just a little one. Cancer’s one really scary bitch. Once he pulled himself together for the who knows time that day, he grabbed his laptop again.

“There’s treatment,” He told himself before opening the tab. “I don’t have to die yet.”

This time he read all the information with that specific thought at the top of his mind. I’m not going to die, he repeated, that’s not an option. He grabbed a notebook that he hadn’t used so far from his desk and wrote at the top of a blank page Making Cancer My Bitch. Under that he scribbled everything that he found about his cancer. From the possible causes, to the symptoms that he might experience in the future. He had to stop three separate times to take some breaks because his breathing sometimes got too agitated, but he managed. When he read about chances of surviving and quality life after treatment, he stopped breathing at all but reminded himself that I’m not dying, for fuck’s sake, I’m not allowing it.

He then researched every treatment that Recovery Girl had mentioned in her office and wrote about the procedure, the advantages and disadvantages, and the side effects that he might experience. It was at this point that he had another not so little panic. It was just that the thought of losing his hair scared him quite a bit. How would he be able to hide it when that happened? You’re not supposed to hide it, a voice that sounded scarily like Todoroki said in his head. He pushed it away and when his tears stopped, he went back to his research. He filled almost twenty pages, front and back, full of information and by the end of it he was sure that there was no one more informed about Glioblastoma multiforme than he was. He read over what he wrote a bunch of times to make sure that he wasn’t missing anything and felt satisfied when he realized how thorough he had been, he was sure Deku would be proud of him. He felt like crying again when he thought of his boyfriend so he pushed him out of his mind for a moment.

He was sure about the treatment he wanted to get. Surgery, even though one of the most effective treatments, was out of the question. That implied being incapacitated for at least a month and he would have to get other types of treatment after that anyways. If there was one thing he was sure of, it was that he wanted to keep on living his normal life for as long as he could, so being bed ridden so soon completely turned him away from that option. With chemotherapy he would always have to have an IV connected to him and that was another thing that he couldn’t exactly pass off as normal, so he scratched that out, too. So, radiotherapy it was. No things connected to him and the side effects would come slowly as he got the treatment so he wouldn’t be rendered useless straight away.

He circled the word radiotherapy on his notebook and decided that it was enough research for today. He tapped his phone screen and realized that it was almost midnight, which was quite late for him, since he usually got up pretty early. He closed his laptop and put it away on his desk but he spent some time staring at the notebook that he had just filled with information about his tumor, thinking what to do with it. He decided to stuff it on his backpack so there was no chance of anyone finding it on his room, and any person that was dumb enough to go through his backpack would probably think it was a regular notebook.

He was so tired, and his hands were shaking, and his left eye was getting heavy. So all he did was take one of Recovery Girl’s new pills and he promptly collapsed on his bed, not even bothering to change out of his clothes and falling asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

--

Katsuki woke up to the feeling of hands fumbling with his pants. He lazily opened his eyes and looked down to find his boyfriend unbuttoning his jeans. Katsuki yawned and Deku looked up at him, giving him a bright smile.

“Hi, babe,” Deku said, still pulling at his pants. “You fell asleep in your clothes,” He said smiling teasingly at him.

Katsuki looked at the clock on his nightstand to see that it was almost two in the morning. He rubbed one of his eyes.

“Care to help me out, here?” Deku asked, poking his thigh.

“Are you trying to have sex with me?” He asked, voice a bit slurred from sleep, but he still lifted his hips so Deku could pull down his pants easier. “Because let me tell you that it’s not working, you have to seduce me first.”

Deku snorted and pinched his thigh. After he had successfully pulled his pants all the way off, Deku went ahead and tugged his shirt up his chest to take it off too. Katsuki didn’t put that much of a fight and let his boyfriend do whatever he wanted.

After Katsuki was left in only his boxers, Deku started to take off his own jeans.

“Mm, that might actually do the trick,” He said, lazily eyeing his boyfriend while hugging a pillow close to his face.

Deku threw his discarded shirt at his face and even though it was pretty dark he could still make out the blush forming on his boyfriend’s cheeks. Katsuki chuckled and threw the shirt aside.  Deku then got into bed with him, pulling the covers up so they both could slip under them. After a bit of moving around they ended snuggled up under the covers like they always did when they slept together, this time Katsuki’s head laying on the crook of his boyfriend’s neck, one of Deku’s arms wrapped around him and the other softly caressing his hair.

“What are you doing here so late?” Katsuki asked, letting out another yawn.

“Wanted to sleep with you.”

“Movie night lasted that long?”

“Yeah, we watched the Twilight movies.”

“Hmm,” He hummed against Deku’s neck. “Did you cry?”

“I did not!”

Katsuki kissed his neck. “Is that so?”

After a pause, “Maybe a little bit.”

“‘Course, you did,” He said smiling and it only grew wider when Deku huffed and hugged him closer.

“It’s not my fault I have overactive tear glands,” The boy indignantly muttered and Katsuki just hugged him tighter, closing his eyes.

When Katsuki was about to fall asleep, Deku spoke again.

“Hey, Kacchan?”

“Mm?” He replied without opening his eyes.

“Is everything alright?”

Katsuki immediately opened his eyes and felt just the tiniest bit nervous.

“Why do you ask?” He responded.

“I just- you seemed weird down at the common room and... I really worry about you, you know. I just want you to be okay.”

“I’m fine, nerd,” He said swallowing down the guilt that was plaguing his heart. “It was just a headache. I’m feeling better now, I just needed to rest.”

“You sure?” Deku asked before kissing the top of his hair and letting his lips rest there for a while. Katsuki shut his eyes tight and fought the urge to spill everything that was cluttering his mind, how he was in fact literally dying, how he only had a few months before he wouldn’t even be able to train, how his dream seemed almost unreachable now and how all he wanted to do was curl up in his bed in the hopes that time would stop for even a few seconds.

But he didn’t. Instead he lifted his head and kissed his boyfriend softly, before saying against his lips, “Yeah, nerd. I’m sure.”

Chapter Text

Next day he found himself sitting on the school gardens under a tree, waiting for Deku to come back from one of his meetings with All Might. He felt fine, kind of. Mostly he felt determined to power through it.

He was working on some homework when a shadow suddenly blocked the sun in front of him. He looked up and was not at all surprised when he found Todoroki standing in front of him. The guy sat down uninvited, as he always was when it came to approaching Katsuki, and stared at him for a few seconds.

Katsuki stared back, narrowing his eyes.

“You’re not about to wallow, are you?”

Todoroki widened his eyes in surprise. “Wallow?”

“Wallow in pity just because you know I’m dying.”

Todoroki frowned. “It wouldn’t be pity.”

Katsuki rolled his eyes. “Liar. I don’t care what it is, but you can’t do it. You have to treat me the same as always. And you can’t look at me like that. That’s the rule that comes with knowing.”

Todoroki shot him a bland, unamused look. “When did you turn it a rule?”

“Are you gonna deny something to a person with cancer?”

Todoroki’s eyes widened and he opened and closed his mouth a bunch of times, looking like a dumb fish, he ended up pursing his lips tightly, looking frustrated and childishly scolded. Katsuki smirked.

“Are you gonna use that card often to get stuff you want?” The guy asked, crossing his arms over his chest and looking at him with distaste.

Katsuki’s smirk got wider. “You bet your ass I am.”

“Fine,” Todoroki answered rolling his eyes but with a hint of a smile on his lips.

Katsuki went back to his homework and they were silent for a while until Todoroki spoke again, voice sounding more hesitant and quieter than before.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna get over it,” He replied simply, not looking up from his notes.

“...What do you mean?”

Katsuki looked up, frowning. Wasn’t it obvious?

“I meant exactly what I said, IcyHot. I’m gonna get over it. I’m gonna get the fucking treatment, I’m gonna get better and I’m gonna be in that 6% of survivors. Just watch me.”

Todoroki stared at him horrified and concerned again. “Six percent?!?”

Katsuki threw an eraser at his face. “You can’t do that!”

Todoroki scowled for a while but changed his expression back to normal successfully. “How can you be so positive of that?”

“There’s no other option. I’ve gone through too much shit to get here to let some minor inconvenience stop me from being the number one Hero.”

The guy gaped at him for a few seconds. “Well, it’s not exactly a minor inconvenience, it’s… it’s cancer. In your head.”

“It is for me,” He reiterated firmly. “I can’t afford to wallow in self-pity just because of this temporary step-back, I’ve got stuff to do. I have to move forward.”

Todoroki said nothing. He stared at him for a long a time, so long that Katsuki decided to just go back to his homework.

“You know,” Todoroki said, finally breaking the silence. “I think I get what Midoriya talks about all the time now.”

Katsuki looked up, frowning. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You really are amazing.”

He felt his cheeks get warm and he wanted to punch the guy once again. Instead, he threw another eraser at him and a pen for safe measure.

“Stupid IcyHot, stop saying embarrassing stuff!!” Todoroki dodged his attacks and didn’t look embarrassed at all.

“Hey,” The guy said once Katsuki had stopped throwing his entire pencil case at him.

“No wallowing.”

“I wasn’t going to-” Todoroki huffed. “Whatever. So what are you gonna do now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you gonna have to get some type of treatment for it?”

“Yeah, I’m meeting with Recovery Girl on Thursday to talk about that.”

“At what time?”

Katsuki narrowed his eyes. “After class, probably. Why do you wanna know?”

Todoroki shrugged. “Just curious.”

“Right,” He said still feeling suspicious.

Todoroki smirked and opened his mouth to say something else but shut it when he looked at something behind Katsuki’s back. Katsuki turned his head to look at what Todoroki was seeing and found his boyfriend walking towards them.

“Todoroki-kun?” Deku asked when he reached them, looking at both of them with a confused smile. “What are you doing here?”

Todoroki stood up. “Hi, Midoriya. Don’t worry, I was just leaving. I just came to arrange a sparring match with Bakugou,” Todoroki looked down at Katsuki. “Thursday after class, right?”

Katsuki gaped at him for a few seconds wanting to tell the guy to fuck off because no way he was allowing him to go with him to see Recovery Girl and then he realized that that was the perfect excuse to hide it from the Deku. He felt grateful but also irritated that Todoroki was still doing so many favors to him, he didn’t like feeling like owed people stuff. He schooled his expression back to normal and nodded.

“Yeah, right.”

“Great,” Todoroki said, already walking away. “Bye, guys.”

“Bye, Todoroki-kun!”

Deku sat down taking Todoroki’s spot.

“Todoroki and you seem to be getting along better now.”

“Yeah, he’s not so bad,” Katsuki replied distractedly, putting his stuff away.

“I think that’s great,” Deku said and when Katsuki looked up at him, he was smiling a little oddly.

“Right,” Katsuki said warily. “Ready to go?” He added, while standing up from the ground and stretching a hand out to Deku.

His boyfriend smiled at him, normally this time, and took it.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

--

On Thursday he found himself walking to Recovery Girl’s office after class, with Todoroki trudging along with him. No matter how much he had tried to convince the guy to fuck off to do whatever he usually did while Katsuki went to his appointment, Todoroki hadn’t budged and insisted to go with him. It was fucking annoying but then again, the guy was doing him a favor, so he decided to let it slide for now.

What he had not expected at all was to found Recovery Girl’s office already occupied by none other than Aizawa-sensei. He stared at his teacher, standing calmly next to Recovery Girl behind her desk and after a few seconds, he turned around and walked out. He hadn’t agreed to this.

However, as soon as he stepped out of the door, he found himself trapped by tight fabric and he immediately felt like childishly kicking the ground. He had been trapped by his teacher enough times to know that fighting would be useless.

“Uh…” He heard Todoroki said behind him and felt a bit better when he heard the confusion in his voice because he felt the same.

“Bakugou, sit down,” His teacher said in a tired voice.

He turned around with difficulty to glare at Recovery Girl. The woman looked back at him with a slightly guilty expression but quickly schooled back her features into an earnest look. “Bakugou, just take a sit and listen to us.”

Aizawa dropped his quirk and Katsuki fell on his ass. He glared at everyone and everything and stood up wanting to storm out of the room again. He did not sit but he also didn’t leave. Todoroki was looking from one place to the other probably trying to figure out what was going on.

“Aizawa is your teacher and the person assigned to look after your custody. He would’ve found out about your condition anyways.”

“Also, you would’ve gotten in so much trouble if you had tried to hide something like this from me,” His teacher said while giving him a reproachful look.

Bakugou huffed and crossed his arms over his chest, not saying anything.

“I see that you’ve decided to tell one person, though,” Recovery Girl added, staring at Todoroki pointedly. The guy shuffled on his feet awkwardly.

He rolled his eyes. “He was an accident,” He muttered.

“Well then,” Recovery Girl said. “Both of you, take a sit.”

Todoroki moved to sit and after a bit of sulking in his place, Katsuki followed.

“First things first,” She said while typing something on her computer. “We need to discuss your treatment. Have you decided what path you’re going to take?”

“Radiotherapy,” He answered.

Aizawa frowned. “That’s an… unusual choice.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t really feel like being useless so fucking soon.”

“You’re aware that surgery would effectively remove most of the tumor, right?” Recovery Girl added.

“Yes, and I’m also aware that I would still have to get radiotherapy after that. Getting radiotherapy first would give me some time before…” He trailed off and ended up shrugging because he still wasn’t sure what was going to happen to him after treatment.

Recovery Girl looked pensive for a bit but then she nodded, typing something else on the computer. “Alright. Using radiotherapy first will, if not shrink the tumor, then at least slow down the growth of it and make it easier to remove once you do get surgery. It might also help with your headaches, even though some other side effects might appear because of it, but we can work around that.”

After a bit more typing, Recovery Girl turned her eyes back to Katsuki. “Now that we’ve established your treatment, and before we start making appointments for it, we need to discuss what’s going to happen with your education.”

Katsuki felt something unpleasant form on his stomach and he felt his hands starting to sweat. He wasn’t expecting there to be a problem with his classes. He was going to go until he physically couldn’t, so what was there to discuss? Even after that, he could still catch up. He could read Deku’s notes, and his friends could tell him about any homework. He knew he would be a bit behind on training, but he could always get back to that once he had recovered.

“What about it?” He asked nervously. “Nothing has to happen.”

Aizawa stared at him with a tired look. “Bakugou, I don’t think you realize how tiring this process is going to be. It might not be that obvious at the beginning but once the treatment starts, it will only get more intense. Even focusing on a single thing will be a hard task by the end of it.”

“I know that,” He replied, huffing.

Aizawa pressed a hand to the bridge of his nose looking irritated. “Then what are you suggesting, trouble kid?”

“I can go to class and train until that point. And after that I can still catch up. I can read notes and still work on the assignments.”

Aizawa and Recovery Girl exchanged wary looks and Katsuki narrowed his eyes, feeling annoyed. It felt like they were letting him out of his own illness.

“Maybe Bakugou’s right,”Recovery Girl said after a bit of staring. “Treatment always works different for each person and his symptoms might not be as severe as we’re expecting them to be. It would be fine to wait until the first sessions to make a definite choice.”

Katsuki felt a wave of gratitude towards the woman and he almost let out a sigh of relief. Aizawa looked not convinced at all but ended up sighing in defeat.

“Fine. But Bakugou, if I see that you’re having any trouble completing any exercises or paying attention in class I will act on it. I won’t let you push your limits like you usually do, especially not in your condition,” His teacher reiterated with a stern look.

Katsuki frowned but agreed nonetheless.

“Alright, now that’s settled we can move on to the treatment. I would suggest arranging two sessions a week of an hour each so you could keep on going to school without that much disruption to your normal routine. You would have to confirm what hours and days work best for you. Based on your type of cancer we would keep this going for around six weeks and after that we’ll check on how your body and your tumor is handling the treatment and we’ll take a decision on how to move forward based on that.”

Katsuki nodded and felt some sort of reassurance at the knowledge that he was working on getting better. I’m not going to die yet, he inwardly repeated to himself.

“So what days would work best for you?”

“I guess the weekends? Early?” He said, thinking of Deku and running.

“Great,” She said typing more things on the computer.

The rest of the time was spent talking about things he had already researched, like how radiotherapy worked, how it would start to affect his body and his behavior and so on. It was convenient that he could get the treatment done right there on the school’s medical wing, so he could always walk to the hospital. Recovery Girl did warn him that there might come a time in which he would be too weak to even walk out of the hospital, but he decidedly pushed that to the back of his mind. They scheduled his first two sessions for this weekend and not long after that he and Todoroki, who had spent mostly quiet the whole time, were standing to leave the office.

“Bakugou,” Aizawa said before they left the room and Katsuki waited for his teacher to speak. “I’m not saying this to pressure you, but I think you should know that you can’t keep this hidden forever. Recovery Girl told me how you wanna keep this a secret, but I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Katsuki felt anxious all of a sudden. “You can’t tell them,” He blurted out, feeling his hands shake. “You can’t tell Deku, I have to be the one that tells him.”

“I won’t tell anyone, that is your decision,” Aizawa said quickly and Katsuki felt himself relax. “I’m just saying, I think you’re making a mistake. The people that love you deserve to know what’s going on with you. Especially about something so severe as… cancer.”

Katsuki stared at his teacher and felt irritation starting to spike up in his insides. Aizawa was looking at him like Recovery Girl looked at him when she told him he had a tumor and like Todoroki looked when he found out he was dying and like Deku did every time Katsuki flinched when an adult made a sudden movement near him. He hated it.

He scowled, feeling angry and clenched his fists to keep himself from letting out any explosions. “You’re not allowed to wallow,” He growled and promptly left the room.

He heard Todoroki say something to Aizawa and Recovery Girl  but he didn’t stay to hear what it was. He just kept on storming out of the building and after a moment Todoroki was finally out too, running to catch up with him.

“You know, you could’ve at least explained to them what that means,” He said, catching his breath and falling into pace with Katsuki.

“They’ll figure it out,” He replied roughly, not slowing down on his way back to the dorms.

“Why are you so against people showing any kind of empathy towards your situation?” Katsuki turned his head to look at Todoroki but his expression was thankfully as stoic as always, if only a hint of annoyance on his face. “Like yeah some might feel pity, but you literally have cancer, it’s not exactly something that can be ignored.”

Katsuki was quiet for a while, and had finally slowed his pace, Todoroki walking by his side.

“You know, you should understand this more than anyone,” He said bitterly. “You also have a shit dad.”

Todoroki faltered on his steps. “W-what?”

“I know for a fact that you must hate when people look at you like you’re fragile or a charity case.”

Todoroki gaped at him, looking affronted and like he wanted to punch Katsuki for bringing that up but also curious about what he was saying.

“Was your dad like mine?” Todoroki asked quietly, sounding hesitant to even ask the question.

Katsuki snorted. “My dad was a fucking coward. My mom liked to beat the shit out of me, though.”

Todoroki said nothing for a while and Katsuki refused to look at him. He took deep breaths before speaking again.

“Deku was the one that found out about it, he helped me get out of my crappy house and tell Aizawa about what was going on. It took months for him to not lose his shit every time I so much as scratched my knee, and months for my dumb friends to stop treating me like a fucking damsel in distress,” He said bitterly.

“I… I remember that,” Todoroki said quietly, in realization. “Midoriya would always look for you first, no matter what we were doing. Always checking on you.”

Katsuki smiled faintly at that. “Yeah, he has fucking stalker tendencies,” He said rolling his eyes if a bit fondly.

“The thing is,” He continued. “It took ages for him to treat me like I wasn’t made of glass. And we had a lot of shitty arguments because of that, but now things are finally okay, I mean, he always worries but it’s manageable. I’m so fucking tired of having everyone in my life looking at me and treating me like I’m such a poor little boy that got abused by his parents and only that. I’m more than my fucking trauma,” He said angrily and took a deep breath to calm his frustration down. “And now I have a tumor growing in my head and I know Deku is gonna go back to treat me the same way, if not worse. And I get it, you know, I really do, and once I tell him I’ll fucking deal with it. But for now, I need things to be normal. I don’t know how much I have left of this,” He finished, and hated how defeated he sounded.

Todoroki didn’t reply to him and Katsuki didn’t care that much for that. They both walked towards the dorms in silence and it wasn’t until they reached the gates that Todoroki spoke again.

“I get it,” He said softly.

Katsuki said nothing and went through the gates.

“Maybe I can help,” Todoroki said suddenly when they were about to go through the doors.

He frowned confused at the guy. “With what?”

“When you do tell people. I don’t think everyone will understand what not wallowing means,” He said amused. “I… I get what you said about people treating you as if all you are is your past, and you’re right. It doesn’t define you. And neither should the fact that you have cancer. So… I don’t know, maybe I can help you with that, making sure they aren’t focusing on the wrong parts about yourself,” Todoroki ended, shrugging and looking somewhat uncomfortable.

Katsuki stared at Todoroki. It felt weird to see the guy so openly expressive about something and it felt even weirder to know that it was because of something that had to do with him. A small smile broke into his face and he fought the urge to ruffle Todoroki’s hair affectionately.

“Alright,” He said simply, trying not to smile that much. “You do that.”

Todoroki returned his smile and they both went inside the dorms.

Chapter Text

“Hey.”

“Mmph.”

“Deku.”

“Let me sleep.”

“I’m leaving.”

Deku abruptly sat up, looking around frantically. “What?!”

Katsuki pushed him back on the bed, rolling his eyes.

“For a run, you idiot.”

Deku groaned and rubbed one of his eyes. “Don’t scare me like that,” He whined.

Katsuki snorted. “Dumbass, I’ll be back, and uh… I might go train a bit, to the gym, so I might be later than usual.”

Deku was already half asleep, hugging a pillow close to his chest. “’Kay, love you.”

Katsuki smiled fondly. “Love you more,” He said before leaving his room.

Once he left the dorms and promptly pushed aside the gigantic guilt that was weighting down his chest, he took out his earphones and put them on, walking towards the medical wing, it was bit far, all the other way across U.A. He didn’t feel nervous about getting radiotherapy since he had researched it quite exhaustively, but he was dreading when the side effects might start to manifest. He had read that it depended on the person and his previous health issues, but it was always a different case with each patient. It could be immediately after the first two sessions, but it could also be after the first two weeks, so he wasn’t exactly looking forward to that discovery.

It wasn’t a long walk, but it wasn’t that short either, despite that he still felt like it was too soon when he finally arrived at the medical wing, five minutes early than he was supposed to. He took out his earphones and headed to the same big, tall, elegant desk he had went to when he came to get his MRI scan done and an older lady greeted him with a kind smile.

“What can I help you with, sweetie?”

Katsuki grimaced. “I have an appointment for a radiotherapy session.”

“Oh,” She said, and her expression turned into a surprised one, eyeing him more curiously. He narrowed his eyes and the woman seemed to realize what she was doing, quickly looking down to look at something on her computer. “Right, the Radiation Vault is in the lowest floor of the hospital, so you have to take the elevator and press the button that says B1. Once you arrive, there should be someone ready to help you with your appointment. Can I help you with anything else?”

“…Radiation vault?” He asked nervously.

“Oh, don’t be scared, honey! That’s just what we call that section of the hospital since it’s in the basement, but it’s not as spooky as it sounds,” She replied smiling at him.

Katsuki, however, felt not reassured at all to know that he was getting his treatment on a basement.

“Do you have any more questions?”

“No, uh, thanks.”

“Anytime, sweetie.”

He grimaced again and turned around, heading to the nearest elevator. He pressed the button and tried hard to not give that much thought to what he was doing. He looked down at his now permanently shaky hands and wondered if his treatment would help with his headaches so he could finally stop taking pills. He hoped it did. Last time in hero class he was off from his target when he fired his AP shot, which was something that might be a complete disaster in a real life battle.

The elevator doors finally opened, and he stepped out, looking around him. It didn’t look like a basement at all. Instead he found himself in a large room that had a bunch of chairs lined up against one of the walls, a few people sitting on them, with a desk similar to the one he had just approached in front of them, with low ceilings. The walls were a pastel blue color, cluttered with colorful paintings and the floors a shiny white, there were also plants in almost every corner of the room. It was kind of nice. A different sight to the pure white he faced when he came to get his MRI scan done.

“Hey, can I help you with something?”

Katsuki turned around and found a guy staring at him curiously. He looked quite young to be a nurse, maybe a bit older than Katsuki, but he must’ve been one since he was wearing the usual nurse uniform. He was tall, with jet black hair that made him look paler than he already was and big brown eyes.

“I came for a radiotherapy appointment,” He replied.

The guy’s expression immediately cheered up. “Really?” He asked with an excited smile.

Katsuki stared confused at the guy. “Yeah,” He said warily.

“Dude, that’s amazing! Come with me,” The guy said while walking cheerily towards the desk. Katsuki followed him cautiously. The guy knocked on the desk and peered over it, staring down at a woman that was sitting down behind it, reading some papers.

“What now, Takumi?” She asked, not raising her head from her task.

“I found one!” The guy, apparently called Takumi, said excitedly.

“One what?”

“A patient!”

The woman frowned and finally looked up, staring at Takumi’s smiling face and then sliding her gaze over to Katsuki.

“He’s in for a radiotherapy appointment! And Amari-san said that-”

“Takumi, I can’t believe you would disturb a patient like that!” The woman said reproachfully. She turned an apologetic look to Katsuki. “I’m so sorry if he bothered you. Please, tell me, what can I help you with?”

“I already told you,” Takumi complained under her breath, but the woman’s stern glare shut him up.

“Um, a radiotherapy appointment,” He repeated, confused by everything that was happening.

“Can I get your name, please?”

“Katsuki Bakugou.”

“Hey, you’re from U.A., right?”

“Takumi,” The nurse chimed in with a warning in her tone and Takumi shut up again. It was almost funny. The woman typed something on her computer and after a bit smiled at Katsuki. “You’re right on time! The doctor’s waiting for you, so let me take you to-”

“I’ll take him!” Takumi interrupted eagerly.

“You will do no such thing, young man, you already lost your opportunity today,” The woman said sternly, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Come on! I promise I’ll behave! Please, let me, pleaaseeeee-”

“Stop it! You’re making the patient uncomfortable-”

“I don’t mind,” Katsuki interrupted, trying not to laugh. “If he wants to take me, that’s fine.”

Takumi cheered up and gave him a big smile. The woman narrowed her eyes and stared at the boy for a while.

“Fine,” She finally said, handing him a medical chart. “Remember everything we talked about-”

“Yes, yes, I promise, I’ll be good!” Takumi replied with the same excitement, taking the medical chart in his hands. He looked at Katsuki before turning around. “Come on, Bakugou, follow me.”

Takumi walked towards a corridor on the far side of the room that Katsuki hadn’t really noticed before.

“Thanks for that,” Takumi said walking by his side. “I’m an intern of this section and this is my first day helping out with real stuff, not just observing,” He explained cheerily, taking a right at the end of the corridor. “And you’re my first patient, so this is exciting!”

Katsuki smiled a little. “I bet.”

“Is this your first time?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t worry, the procedure’s not painful at all, so you don’t have anything to be nervous for.”

Katsuki just nodded because he already knew that. At the end of the corridor there were some big double glass doors and Takumi pushed one open for Katsuki to go in. Once he was inside the room, he, again, felt the big contrast between the room he got his MRI scan done and this one. It had a bed surrounded by a big machine in the center of the room. It was quite tall and it almost reached the ceiling, it had three metal parts that stuck out of it that surrounded the bed, and if his research hadn’t been mistaken those parts were supposed to rotate around him, targeting the placement of his tumor. The rest of the room had walls covered in a fancy decorative brown tile that made the place look more like a fancy room rather than a hospital one. The floors were made of dark brown wood and when he looked up at the ceiling there was a picture of the painting The Starry Night hanged up there.

“Cool, isn’t it?” Takumi said staring at his surprised expression.

“Sure,” He replied, still looking around him.

“Hi, you must be Bakugou,” A woman said, coming out of a door in one of the corners of the room. She extended her hand and he took it, shaking them. “My name’s Yui Amari and I’ll be your doctor during your treatment.”

Amari had blond curly hair that was pinned up by a messy bun at the back of her head. She was a little short but had a small frame that made her look younger than she probably was and she was wearing the usual white lab coat.

“I see you’ve met our newest addition to the team,” She said smiling at Takumi and the guy perked up at this. “He will be helping out during your treatment, too,” She added while taking the medical chart from Takumi’s hands. “I spoke to Recovery Girl and she explained your situation to us, but before we get started, and since we’re gonna be seeing each other quite often, I just wanted to let you know that our whole purpose here is help you go through your treatment as smoothly as possible, so don’t be afraid to ask any questions,” She finished, smiling kindly at him.

“Right,” He said feeling a bit uncomfortable.

“Great, then let’s get started!”

She explained to him how the machine worked and that it was basically laying down the whole time and that he was welcomed to fall asleep if he felt like it. She said that she and Takumi would have to leave the room but that he was never going to be alone since they were gonna be monitoring him through cameras and microphones in a different room, which sounded a bit creepy, in his opinion.

After some more time of explaining the procedure to him, Takumi was handing him a typical hospital blue coat for him to change into. After doing that he was instructed to lay down on the bed in a comfortable position and then Amari and Takumi spent some time adjusting the height of the bed and the position of the machine.

“Okay, I think we’re ready to start,” Amari said, looking down at him. “Remember that we can hear you at all times so if you have any questions just speak up!”

“Alright.”

“See you in a few,” She finished and walked out of the room.

Takumi then appeared by his side and gave him a black sleeping mask.

“The lights are really annoying,” He said.

“Thanks.”

Takumi gave him another big smile. “You’re welcome! See you later, Bakugou.”

Katsuki put on the sleeping mask and waited. Nothing happened for a few minutes but after a bit he heard a loud buzzing sound and the clanking sound of the machine moving. The whole hour was spent like that and he might’ve dozed off a few times but since the machine was quite loud, he always found himself waking up. Finally, the buzzing and the clanking stopped, and Katsuki removed his mask, squinting at the sudden bright lights of the room. He sat up and went to get up but the second he threw his legs over the bed he felt a bit dizzy, like he was about to fall over. There was a hand on his elbow that helped him regain his balance and when he looked up he found Takumi smiling sympathetically at him.

“Careful there,” The man said. “You might want to take things slow for a bit, you’ll probably feel better after a few hours.”

Katsuki nodded slowly, trying to not make his dizziness worse. He was feeling tired, like the day after he ran five laps without stopping around the campus.

“Did you come alone?”

“Yeah.”

“I think it would be a good idea if you brought someone over, just to make sure you’re okay on your way back home.”

Deku, he thought and felt his heart ache. He suddenly felt very alone and wanted nothing but to have his boyfriend waiting outside for him with his dumb bright smile and his big green eyes.

“Yeah, sure,” He said quietly, trying not to show how sad he was actually feeling.

Takumi helped him get out of the bed and Amari came out of the room to talk to him about some possible side effects. She mentioned that extreme fatigue was the most common one to experience during treatment and that many other might show up in the weeks after the treatment was finished. She also said that his sessions might get more or less frequent basing on how his body and his tumor were taking it but that surgery would always be necessary in his case, since his tumor was so advanced and it was impossible to remove it by just using radiotherapy.

After that, she told him he was free to leave and gave him an emergency number that he could call in case anything happened to him. He then went to get changed in painfully slow movements and heavy limbs. He felt like taking a nap and laying down on his bed for the rest of the day and he wondered if tomorrow would feel worse than today. That made him feel anxious about how much time he actually had left of enjoying his normal life. When got out of the bathroom where he had changed, Takumi was waiting for him leaning against the opposite wall.

The guy straightened up when he saw Katsuki. “Hi there, just checking everything’s going alright!”

Katsuki huffed, feeling irritated. “I’m fucking fine,” He grunted.

Takumi raised his hands in surrender. “Dude, I’m literally just doing my job so don’t get too mad at me.”

Katsuki said nothing but his irritation diminished a little. They both walked towards the reception.

“Hey, you lied.”

Katsuki frowned, looking at Takumi. “What?”

“There’s a guy over there waiting for you.”

Katsuki felt his heart stop and for a moment all he could think about was that Deku had somehow found out about his appointment and had come to the hospital to break up with him.

“He has funky hair.”

Katsuki relaxed and felt a wave of relief wash over him. Todoroki. Of course.

“He’s cute.”

Katsuki grimaced in disgust.

“You’re weird,” He said side eyeing the nurse with distaste.

Takumi smiled teasingly at him. “You’re cuter, though.”

Katsuki stopped walking to stare dumbly at Takumi. “Did you just-”

“Yep.”

“Is this legal?”

“You’re legal, I checked!” The guy blurted out, indignant. “Besides, I’m only 20!”

“I’m your patient,” Katsuki stated as if it was obvious because it was.

Takumi finally looked sheepish about what he had said. “Well, you can’t blame me! You’re the only cute patient I’ve seen. Everyone else here is old.”

“You’re old.”

“Hey!”

Katsuki snorted and kept on walking.

Takumi quickly came to his side again. “Sooo… do you think I’m cute?”

“Oh my god.”

“Come on! Just answer the question!”

“I’m gonna call the police.”

“I’m not that old-!”

“Bakugou?”

They both looked away at the sound of the voice that had interrupted them. Todoroki was standing in the reception room staring at the both of them with a confused expression.

Katsuki turned to look at Takumi one last time. “Bye, old man.”

Takumi gasped indignantly. “Stop that! I’m so young!”

Katsuki ignored him and grabbed Todoroki, dragging him towards the elevator.

“What was that?” Todoroki asked once they were both inside of it.

Katsuki leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. “Just a dumb nurse.”

“Is he bothering you?”

“Nah,” He replied. He opened his eyes and narrowed them, looking at Todoroki. “What are you doing here?”

“Just… came to check on you.”

“You don’t have to do that,” He replied annoyed.

“Hey, this isn’t for you. I don’t wanna feel responsible if you trip on your way to the dorms and die just because you were alone. I need to have a clean conscience if I wanna be a hero.”

Katsuki snorted. “Yeah, alright,” He said rolling his eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“Just tired.”

Todoroki said nothing for a while and after a few moments of silence in which they got out of the elevator and started to head back to the dorms; Todoroki started chattering about a bunch of stuff that Katsuki wasn’t really paying attention to. Homework, food and surprisingly, mostly cats. It made him feel better and helped to distract him a little bit from the dizziness he was feeling. When they were near the dorms Todoroki had talked so much that he reminded him of Deku and his non stopping rambling. Even though Todoroki was nice and was doing his best to help him out it wasn’t like having his boyfriend by his side. He couldn’t hold back the ache that plagued his heart once more at the thought of Deku and the fact that he was lying to him.

He wanted to tell Deku, he really did. It felt so wrong to not share something that was affecting his life so much with him. But at the same time, he didn’t want to make him worry again. He knew Deku would neglect everything else in his life to look after him, he knew his boyfriend and his obsessive need to know that he was okay, and he didn’t want to make him go through the same thing again. It just wasn’t fair to him. All he wanted was for Deku to have a normal boyfriend and somehow Katsuki always managed to mess that up.

They finally reached the dorms and before going in, Todoroki stopped him.

“Are you going to be okay? You know, I’m not wallowing or anything, but you look pretty shitty.”

Katsuki smiled amused. “Can I say that we sparred together? And that I’m tired because of that?”

Todoroki grimaced but ended up nodding. “Okay, but only if I can say that I won.”

Katsuki gaped at him. “You asshole!” He exclaimed indignant but smirked when a thought came to him. “You would do that to a person with cancer?”

Todoroki smirked back. “Yes, I would,” He said entering the dorms and leaving Katsuki behind spluttering and throwing curses at the boy.

They went inside the dorms and he found Deku sitting in the living room talking to Tsuyu and Uraraka. They all turned around at the sound of footsteps entering the dorms and Deku smiled at him, looking confused when he saw him walk in with Todoroki.

“Kacchan!” Deku said from the couch. “I thought you were training?”

“Yeah, I was sparring with Todoroki.”

“Oh…”

“I won,” Todoroki added smugly, coming to sit on one of the couches of the living room.

“Congratulations, Todoroki-kun!” Uraraka said cheerful, while clapping her hands.

Katsuki refused to look at Todoroki’s smug ugly face and instead headed to the kitchen to finally get something to eat. He wasn’t allowed to eat anything before getting radiotherapy done so he was starving. He ruffled Deku’s hair on his way, already thinking about something easy to make since all he really wanted was to go to bed.

Only a few seconds had passed when he was opening the fridge and Deku came to the kitchen.

“Hi,” He said smiling at his boyfriend. Deku smiled back but he was looking a little strange. “You don’t have to come with me, you can stay with your friends,” He added when Deku didn’t say anything else.

“No, ah- I just-” Deku started to fidget with the hem of his shirt. “You didn’t say you were training with Todoroki-kun.”

Katsuki pulled out some eggs from the fridge. “Yeah, it was sort of unplanned.” He grabbed a pan and turned on the stove.

“You’ve been hanging out a lot with him lately.”

Katsuki frowned. “I guess? I haven’t noticed,” He said distractedly, grabbing some vegetables and cheese from the fridge.

When Deku didn’t say anything else after a few moments, he turned his gaze back to his boyfriend. He was still fidgeting with his shirt and looking down at the ground. Katsuki paused his cooking and walked towards Deku, grabbing his hand to get his attention.

“Hey,” He said and dropped a kiss to Deku’s forehead. “Is everything okay?”

“I- I just…” Deku averted his eyes for a few seconds and seemed to be thinking about something, but when he looked back at him, he had a small smile on his lips. “Was wondering if you were okay? You look tired.”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I think running and then sparring might’ve been too much. Think I’m gonna lay down for a bit.”

Deku squeezed his hand and nodded.

“Let me know if you need anything?”

“Of course.”

“Alright,” Deku kissed his lips softly before leaving the kitchen but Katsuki still felt like Deku was not telling him something. He decided to keep it to himself for a bit, to let Deku tell him whenever he felt ready.

--

“So are you gonna answer my question?”

Katsuki glared grumpily at Takumi from where he was leaning against a wall, trying to brace himself to get inside the bathroom and change back to his regular clothes. Today he felt even more tired than yesterday. And he doubted that a small nap would be able to make him feel better.

“Come on, I just wanna know if-”

“I have a boyfriend.”

“Oh…” Takumi said, looking bummed out. Katsuki felt just a tiny bit bad about how blunt he had been. “Is it that cute guy with the funky hair?”

Yeah, scratch that, he didn’t feel bad anymore.

Katsuki grimaced and he even shivered a bit just thinking about Todoroki being his boyfriend.

“What the fuck. That’s gross. No.”

Takumi eyed him curiously.

“Then who is it? Why isn’t he here with you?”

“He doesn’t know I come here.”

Takumi stared at him narrowing his eyes for a while, before breaking into a knowing grin.

“Oh, I see.”

“What?” Katsuki asked scared of what the idiot might come up with.

“You’re just trying drive me away!”

“What?! That’s ridiculous-”

“You even made up an imaginary boyfriend,” Takumi said smugly, as if he had discovered Katsuki cheating on an exam. “But let me tell you, mister cutie, I do not give up that easily.”

Katsuki stared back at the guy for a few seconds, trying to see how those dots connected to each other.

“You’re an idiot,” Was all he said before pushing away from the wall. He had a hard time maintaining his balance immediately. He was thinking that maybe the side effects of the pills he took were interacting badly with the side effects of radiotherapy, making him even more prone to falling than he already was.

Takumi rushed to help him straighten up. “See, I know you’re just playing hard to get.”

Katsuki snorted. Takumi was weird and annoyingly cheerful at all times but Katsuki liked that the guy did not acknowledge the fact that he was dying at all. He treated him like a normal person even though he knew he had cancer and he also probably knew that his chances weren’t really good. It was refreshing to know that there was one person that was aware of his condition but treated him the same despite that. Even if that meant he had to endure shitty attempts at flirting from his annoying ass.

“You should flirt with IcyHot instead. I know for a fact that asshole is single.”

“He likes dudes?”

“Huh,” Katsuki said pensively, he had never really thought about that. “Dunno, you should ask him that.”

“No-uh! I said you’re cuter. Got my eyes on you.”

Katsuki scrunched up his nose, walking slowly towards the bathroom to finally change.

“Gross, grandpa, keep it in your pants.”

“Oh my god, stop calling me old!”

Katsuki closed the door on his face.

When he was walking back to the dorms with Todoroki (the guy had mysteriously appeared at the end of his appointment again) he was walking so slow that getting to the dorms took twice the amount of time it usually would. When they finally got inside, he sat down in the living room, refusing to go up the stairs. He was feeling too tired for that. Todoroki offered to stay with him until he felt better but Katsuki refused, telling him that he would probably just fall asleep so there was really no need for it. Todoroki grudgingly agreed and left to go to the study group he and his friends usually had on Sundays.

Katsuki took out his phone to check his messages and frowned when he found that Deku hadn’t answered his last text in which he told him that he was going to spar with Todoroki again today. Deku always answered him, especially if they hadn’t seen each other that day, which today was the case since Katsuki left early without waking him up. He checked that his boyfriend had read the text and he frowned even further, thinking about what the hell he could’ve done to make Deku mad. He was about to send another text when a voice interrupted him.

“Hey, bro!”

“Blasty! There you are!”

He turned his head to look at Kirishima and Ashido coming out of the elevator.

“We were just about to watch this new horror movie that came out a few days ago!” Ashido said excitedly.

“I’ve read that it’s one of the scariest movies of the year,” Kirishima added, coming to seat next him on the couch.

Katsuki laughed. “We’re not even halfway to the year.”

“Then that must mean that it’s really good, don’t you think? It’s so scary that not even future movies can top it.”

Katsuki rolled his eyes amused. “Dumbass.”

“Are you in then?” Ashido said, already connecting her laptop to the TV.

“Sure,” He replied getting comfortable on the couch.

“First one that screams buys dinner,” Kirishima said.

“Deal,” Katsuki answered.

“Oh, you’re sooo buying us pizza tonight, Kiri,” Ashido said evilly, coming to sit on Kirishima’s other side and pressing play on the movie.

Katsuki tried to pay attention to the movie. He really did. He remembers it started with a funeral and a family that had a little girl that at some point grabbed a dead bird and cut his head off with some scissors but that was pretty much it before he fell asleep. When he woke up, he had his head on Kirishima’s shoulder and now Sero and Kaminari were sitting on the floor watching the TV too, but it was a different movie.

Katsuki straightened up and rubbed one of his eyes, yawning.

“I can’t believe you fell asleep,” Kirishima said looking at him in awe.

“Why?”

“That was one of the scariest movies I’ve ever seen, I’m honestly traumatized for life,” Kirishima said looking a little pale.

Katsuki snorted. “So you’re buying us pizza?”

Kirishima groaned.

“He totally is,” Kaminari said pleased.

“I want hawaiian pizza,” Sero added.

“Gross,” Ashido grimaced. “Let’s not allow Sero to have an opinion ever again.”

“Oi, that pizza’s amazing, you guys just lack good taste,” Sero replied indignant.

“Sorry bud, but I’m with Ashido on this one,” Kirishima said with a disgusted expression too.

Katsuki stopped paying attention to his friends and took out his phone, frowning when there was once again no answer from Deku.

“Hey, Kiri, how long was I asleep?”

“Dude, like five hours, this is our second movie and it’s almost over. My arm fell asleep.”

Katsuki winced. “Sorry.”

“No problem, man.”

“Have you seen Deku?”

“Oh yeah! He came in here with Uraraka, Todoroki, Iida and Asui, you know, the usual gang. Said he was gonna let you sleep. I think they’re hanging out at Uraraka’s room now.”

“Thanks,” He replied and went back to looking at his phone.

He scrolled through his other messages and realized that he had an unread one from Todoroki.

Todoroki:

I think you and Midoriya need to have a talk about some stuff.

Katsuki frowned. Was this about him not telling Deku again?

Katsuki:

what the hell are you talking about

The answer came back shortly after that.

Todoroki:

If your boyfriend looks at me like I’m trying to steal you from him again, I think I might lose my patience and I’m a very patient guy so I would take my warning very serious if I were you.

Katsuki:

what

Katsuki :

the fuck

Todoroki:

Just talk to him, alright? Ask him what his problem is.

Katsuki stared at Todoroki’s message and read it a few more times but he still couldn’t get what the fuck the guy was talking about. He scrolled on the message app and tapped on Deku’s conversation again, sending a text that said meet me in my room when you’re free? Deku didn’t answered for a while and after almost an hour, his phone buzzed again with a short ‘kay. He huffed. The fuck had Deku so mad?

--

Katsuki had went to his room after having some pizza with his friends and was now working on some homework. He felt better but still more tired than usual, he was glad he wasn’t gonna have more sessions until next weekend so he could have a slightly normal week.

He was almost falling asleep on his desk when a knock jolted him into awareness again. He sat up on his chair and waited for Deku to come in. When instead, there was another knock on his door, Katsuki got up frowning and opened the door.

“Why didn’t you come in?”

Deku looked sheepish and averted his eyes. “Ah, I’m sorry, wasn’t sure if you wanted to.”

Katsuki rolled his eyes and grabbed Deku’s arm to push him inside his room.

“Of course I want to, stupid. Why wouldn’t I?”

Deku looked nervous and sat on his bed, still averting his eyes.

“Thought you’d be mad at me.”

“Why would I be mad at you?” Katsuki asked truly puzzled, sitting on the chair again. “I thought you were mad at me.”

“I didn’t answer your text.”

“That’s why I thought you were mad!”

Deku narrowed his eyes at him. “I’m surprised you even noticed.”

Katsuki frowned felt irritation starting to spark up inside of him.

“What?”

“Since you’ve been so busy lately.”

Instead of anger Katsuki felt nervousness. Had Deku found out? Was that what this was about? He said nothing, trying to think about how to approach the situation.

“Busy?” He finally asked, trying to mask how nervous he felt and how hard his heart was beating.

“Yeah,” Deku said with an exasperated expression. “With Todoroki.”

“Todoroki?” Katsuki asked again dumbly, trying to understand what Deku was saying.

Deku abruptly stood up and started pacing around the room.

“Yes, Kacchan, with Todoroki! Why is he suddenly asking after you when you guys used to barely tolerate each other?”

“What-”

“And why does he look at you all the time now? Is there like a reason? Is it because now you spend all your free time sparring with him?” Deku stopped his pacing to stare at him breathing heavy and with a frustrated look.

Katsuki said nothing, trying to process all that had come out of Deku’s mouth. He could tell that his boyfriend had spent quite some time thinking about this.

“You’re jealous,” He said blandly.

Deku’s cheeks colored red. “I- I’m not jealous-!”

“Deku,” Interrupted Katsuki, staring at him with an utterly confused look. “He’s your friend. He’s one of your best friends,” He said, trying to make Deku understand just how crazy he sounded. “How did you- that makes no sense. He wouldn’t- and I wouldn’t! What are you even saying?”

Deku suddenly looked embarrassed and his face turned even redder.

“I- It’s not like I believe he would… I just-” He stopped talking and plopped down on the bed, his shoulders slumped and his hands fidgety.

Katsuki stood up and moved to sat down beside him.

“I thought you wanted us to get along,” He said weakly, because he still remembers Deku’s sad little face when Todoroki and Katsuki had almost got into a fight the first times they tried to be civil with each other because of Deku.

Deku’s shoulders slumped even more.

“I- I do, I just… I don’t know.”

Katsuki carefully grabbed one of Deku’s restless and scarred hands. “You know I love you, right? I would never-”

Deku whimpered. “I know! I know, Kacchan, I’m sorry,” Deku squeezed his hand and turned his big vulnerable eyes at him. “You’ve been weird lately. I feel like you don’t talk to me anymore or like there’s something bothering you that you won’t tell me and I just… I can see that you and Todoroki are getting along better and I’m glad, I really am, but then… then I wonder why you seem to get closer to each other but you’re getting distant with me.”

Deku took a deep breath and to Katsuki’s despair his eyes filled with tears.

“I know you would never do something like that, and I know Todoroki wouldn’t either… I just care about you so much and I worry and start thinking crazy things. And I realize I’m being crazy, but I just can’t stop thinking about it,” Deku suddenly threw himself over Katsuki, looping his arms around his neck in a tight grip. “I’m sorry for implying that.”

Katsuki hugged Deku back, arms in a strong hold around his waist and he squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn’t keep doing this. No matter what he did, he was always worrying Deku. He felt angry at himself for making Deku feel like that and useless for not noticing before.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

Deku squirmed in his hold. “Didn’t want you to think I’m crazy,” He muttered.

“Idiot,” He said while caressing Deku’s hair. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I love you.”

“I love you more. I should’ve told you before.”

Katsuki squeezed him closer to him. “Yeah, but where would be the fun in that?”

Deku chuckled light against his neck.

“I know that I worry too much. But I… I just wish I could keep you in my pocket at all times to make sure nothing happened to you.”

“Like a keychain.”

“…my Kachain?”

“Oh my god.” Deku was snickering. “I’m breaking up with you, that was awful.”

“It was a little funny,” Deku said separating a little to look at him with a small smile. His expression turned sadder and vulnerable after a bit. “The world hasn’t always been fair to you; I just want you to be okay.”

Katsuki’s heart ached and he felt guilty and sad and angry and he suppressed the urge to scream wanna know how unfair it has been? Instead Katsuki moved a hand to hold Deku’s cheek and he softly caressed his cheekbone with his thumb. “I’m really sorry about worrying you, Deku.”

His boyfriend stared at him with an expectant look, as if he was waiting for him to keep going and say something else but Katsuki didn’t. He couldn’t. Not right now, not like this. Instead he leaned in and kissed Deku hard, trying to convey how much he loved him, even when he came up with stupid and impossible theories. He wanted nothing but to make him happy and he was finally coming to terms with the fact that he couldn’t. If he told him he had cancer Deku would be crushed, and if he didn’t then Deku would keep thinking and getting hurt too.

They kissed and touched and hugged until Katsuki was falling asleep with Deku’s face burrowing in his hair, and he made a decision. He had to tell Deku.

Chapter Text

“Since when do you ask Deku about me?”

Todoroki jumped from where he was making himself a cup of coffee, he spilled some on the counter and frowned, turning to look at Katsuki with an irritated look.

“What are you talking about?” He asked annoyed, while cleaning the spilled coffee with a napkin.

“Deku said that you ask him about me. And that you look at me. What the hell, IcyHot?”

Todoroki turned to look at him with a caught expression and he seemed to be weighting his options on what to say. He finally sighed and rubbed one of his eyes, looking tired.

“Listen, this was before your rule, okay? So don’t get too pissy about it,” Katsuki glared at him with distaste. “It’s just- you didn’t see yourself when you got those headaches. They looked quite serious, I actually thought you were gonna die in your sleep.”

“What?”

Todoroki looked sheepish and he rubbed a hand on the back of his neck.

“I was afraid you were going to die, and I kept thinking that if you died it would be because I promised you to say nothing and that freaked me out.”

“You’re such an idiot,” Katsuki said pressing the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “Why didn’t you just ask me?”

Todoroki looked like Katsuki had suggested one of the craziest things he had ever heard.

“Because you’re angry. All the time.”

“Then deal with it, princess! Don’t be a creepy little shit.”

Todoroki slumped his shoulders in defeat and after a bit seemed to get to a realization, turning to look at Katsuki with a distraught expression.

“Wait, is that why Midoriya was looking at me like he wanted to send me flying to another galaxy?”

“I don’t know, was it?” He snapped back, irritated.

Todoroki groaned. “Shit, now I gotta convince him that I want nothing to do with you. Ugh.”

Katsuki smirked. “Yeah, that’s what you get for talking to my boyfriend instead of me. Dumbass.”

Todoroki just glared at him and went back to his coffee. Katsuki didn’t leave, and after a few minutes of silence Todoroki returned his boring bland gaze back to Katsuki, looking irritated.

“Why are you still here?”

“I’m telling him.”

Todoroki said nothing, looking at him with a dumb unknowing expression and Katsuki wanted to punch him again.

“About my tumor, you idiot. I’m going to tell him.”

Todoroki’s eyes widened and he took a hesitant step towards Katsuki.

“Are you really?”

“Yeah,” Katsuki looked away, swallowing the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. “You were right. He deserves to know.”

When Todoroki said nothing, Katsuki returned his gaze to the guy and frowned when he found him tapping rapidly on his phone.

“What are you doing?”

“Sorry, I was just writing this moment on my notes so I won’t ever forget. Can you say that again so I can video tape it? Just the ‘you were right’ part, don’t worry.”

Katsuki took Todoroki’s cup of coffee and drained it on the sink.

“That was my coffee,” Todoroki said staring almost heartbrokenly at the sink.

Katsuki grabbed the leftover coffee from the pot and drank it all. Todoroki whimpered. Katsuki left the kitchen and flipped him off.

--

Finally deciding to tell Deku had been easy. He was starting to think about Deku’s gigantic anger towards him once he found out Katsuki had been lying to him all along that he even regretted not telling him from the start a little bit. Actually talking to him and telling him was another thing, though. And it wasn’t even because he wasn’t trying. He really was, and he was also prepared to endure his boyfriend’s wrath if it meant he would be waiting for him at the Radiation Vault at the end of his sessions.

He would’ve told him already if Deku would just stop thinking Katsuki wanted to have sex with him. To be fair, that’s what they usually did after they had an argument or had been fighting for a while. But for the first time when Katsuki asked ‘hey, can we go to my room?’ he wasn’t trying to get in Deku’s pants. Deku would not get the hint and once they were alone, he was kissing Katsuki senseless and rapidly removing his shirt.

So he tried a different approach.

“Hey,” He had asked Deku quietly when they were both watching a movie with the class. “Can we go to your room? To talk,” He added quickly to make sure he was making clear that he wasn’t thinking about sex.

It didn’t work. Deku’s dark gaze was fixed on his lips and his hand was moving up his thigh.

“Sure, let’s talk,” Deku said before dragging him away from the living room and kissing his neck on the elevator.

Next time, he tried not to bring up a room at all.

“Deku.”

“Mm?” He asked not looking up from his homework. They were sitting together on the school gardens.

“We need to talk.”

Deku’s face immediately snapped up and he looked a bit alarmed.

“What is it?”

“Um, can we talk somewhere private?” He said because he wasn’t exactly fond of the idea of getting yelled at by his boyfriend in front of other students.

Unfortunately, this had the opposite effect he intended to. Deku’s nervous face turned into a sly grin and he leaned in to whisper seductively in his ear.

“You’re a bit needy, aren’t you?”

Katsuki’s thoughts weren’t exactly clear after that and his tumor was the last thing he thought about.

At lunch, he thought. They were both eating, probably neither of them thinking about sex, he would tell Deku that he needed to talk to him about something important so his boyfriend knew that he was not implying anything other than an innocent, clothes-on-at-all-times, talk.

“Hey, Deku.”

Deku looked up from his lunch, freckles and big green eyes pinning him in place. God, he was so handsome and he was gonna be so mad.

“Uh, we… we need-” He cleared his throat. “We need to talk-”

“Kacchan, there’s this thing I wanna try.”

Katsuki’s words died in his mouth and he promptly shut up.

They had tried the thing and it had been really good, but things were quickly getting out of Katsuki’s hands and he was starting to feel frustrated about his inability to talk to Deku. He knew he could always make Deku stop, tell him he really did wanted to talk and nothing else, but his self-control was mediocre at best. In the back of his mind he knew that he didn’t stop it, he didn’t tell Deku to stop because he was afraid of everything changing and Deku suddenly thinking that Katsuki was too much to deal with.

Without even noticing the end of the week came and Katsuki still hadn’t told Deku that he was dying. He was thinking about how horrible of a boyfriend he was and about how when he finally told Deku, and he did decide to break up with him, Katsuki wouldn’t even be surprised because he would probably break up with himself too.

“You okay?”

Katsuki turned his head to look at Takumi curiously staring down at him. He hadn’t got up from the bed yet, mostly because he felt too weak for that but also because he was sulking.

“I’m great,” He grunted.

“You look like there’s something bothering you. Besides cancer.”

Katsuki snorted. “Just thinking about dying.”

“Oh, I do that a lot!”

“Do you really?”

“Yeah! With the amount of people that die down here, you start getting familiar with the idea.”

Katsuki laughed. “Do you tell that to all of your patients or am I just special?”

“Well, given the fact that you were my first patient ever, consider yourself lucky to get the special treatment. Talks about death and all that. Not everybody gets it.”

“Huh, I’m really getting the luxury treatment down here,” He replied amused, trying to sit up on the bed.

Takumi helped him to get off the bed and then helped him walk to the bathroom with a guiding hand on his back.

“You know, this could be even more romantic if you finally accept that you’re incredibly attracted to me.”

Katsuki, despite feeling like he had fought against the whole League of Villains again, managed to push Takumi away and flicked him on the forehead.

“I still have a boyfriend, idiot.”

Takumi was rubbing his forehead, frowning in pain. “Oh, that’s right, your imaginary boyfriend. Does he even have a name?”

Katsuki scoffed. “Of course he does,” He replied rolling his eyes. “Deku.”

Takumi frowned, looking affronted. “Fine, don’t tell me if you don’t want to.”

Katsuki was confused for a bit until he finally realized how it had sounded like.

“No, I mean. That’s his name. Deku.”

Takumi gave him a blank look. “Deku,” He repeated.

“Yeah.”

“Your boyfriend’s name is Deku.”

Katsuki narrowed his eyes, irritated. “I already told you it is.”

“Mmm, would you believe me if I told you that it sounds a bit made up?”

“Fuck off,” Katsuki said, before closing the door on Takumi’s face.

This time when he was walking back to the dorms, Todoroki had to hold his arm because Katsuki kept stumbling with his own feet. He hated it. He hated how weak he felt and how pathetic he must look and the fact that he needed someone else to even walk back to his room. Mostly he hated that Deku wasn’t there with him, his big hands helping him instead of Todoroki’s slender ones, his green eyes looking at him instead of mismatched colors and his messy mumbling instead of Todoroki’s calm and thought out conversations.

Deku had gone to visit his mom again, which was good because it meant not lying to him about what he was doing but also bad because he wanted Deku to know and this could’ve been the opportunity. Todoroki stayed with him in the living room and he put on a movie that Katsuki didn’t even watch the beginning to because he fell asleep.

Katsuki’s second session of the week went pretty much the same. He laid down for an hour, thought about how much of a bad boyfriend he was, got hit on by Takumi and walked home with Todoroki holding his arm. As soon as they got to the dorms, Todoroki insisted on taking him to his room because he said he looked worse than usual and Katsuki agreed because he did feel worse than usual. He fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

When he woke up, he felt a weight draped over him and when he looked down, there was a scarred hand thrown over his waist, holding him tight. Katsuki looked back carefully and saw green hair and freckles nuzzling his neck and he smiled, holding Deku’s hand and linking their fingers together.

“I’m telling you,” He whispered to no one in particular but himself and then promptly fell asleep again.

--

Things came to a halt on Monday.

He was hoping that after sleeping the majority of the weekend he would feel better when classes and training started but he didn’t. He felt tired, so damn tired and he had already taken a pill but there was still a faint pain in the left side of his head, and he felt somewhat anxious. His heart speeding up out of nowhere when he was writing notes and having a hard time concentrating on his classes.

They were doing some group exercise in training today and Katsuki was feeling pretty fucking irritated. He couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something wrong, but he didn’t exactly know what it was, and it was driving him crazy. They were all in their hero suits and Katsuki couldn’t stop fidgeting with his gloves.

His group consisted on him, Yaoyorozu, Kirishima and Shoji, and they were against Todoroki, Jirou, Hagakure and Deku. It was always fun fighting against Deku but today he couldn’t even focus on that. He had a hard time paying attention to the instructions and he barely registered Aizawa staring at him, but he tried his best to look like there was nothing wrong. By what he could catch, the heroes were supposed to protect a bank that had been infiltrated by the villains and had many people as hostages. Katsuki’s group was the heroes, which meant a lot of thinking and trying to break in the building without risking the hostages’ lives. They were thankfully the first ones to go, so Katsuki could get it over with and then maybe he could go to the bathroom to have a little panic.

While the heroes and the villains were walking towards Ground Beta to their respective entrance, Kirishima pulled him away, looking at him with a weird expression.

“What?” Katsuki asked confused.

“Dude, are you okay?”

Katsuki got more nervous. “Why do you ask?”

“Just… I don’t know, man. Are you fighting with Midoriya?”

Katsuki was utterly confused. He wasn’t fighting with Deku. Or was he? Did he made him mad without noticing again? He hadn’t talked to Todoroki that much since that conversation with Deku, but that was mostly because Todoroki had taken it to himself to prove that he would never want him like that, even if he was the last man on the face of the earth. Which was fine because that’s how Katsuki felt too. Stupid Deku, why would he think that he would ever want IcyHot over him?

“Dude?”

Katsuki blinked and focused his eyes back to Kirishima. His friend was staring at him with his brows furrowed and when he looked down, Kirishima had one hand pressing hard on his shoulder.

“I’m not fighting with Deku,” He said after he remembered what Kirishima had asked. “Where is he?”

Kirishima peered closer at him and Katsuki couldn’t stop blinking and moving his gaze all throughout his friend’s face, he felt as if he couldn't concentrate on just one thing.

“Man, why are you- Bakugou!” Katsuki snapped his gaze back to Kirishima’s eyes. “Are you like, nervous?”

Katsuki took deep breaths. “I… I think so.”

Kirishima kept frowning and looking concerned. He grabbed his hand, pulling him closer to him and started walking towards their entrance.

“Everything’s going to be fine, you have nothing to worry about. You always pull through, man. Relax.”

Katsuki nodded because he knew that. He knew he would ace the exercise because he was in the team, but he couldn’t stop the feeling that there was something wrong. Kirishima did not let go of his hand and they both walked into Ground Beta like that. His group was hiding behind a few buildings away from the bank and were waiting on the signal that indicated the beginning of the exercise.

“Okay, so we need to think of a strategy,” Yaoyoruzu said, looking at the three of them. “Anyone has any suggestions?”

All of them turned their gaze to Katsuki and he felt nervous again. A strategy. To stop villains from robbing a bank. He couldn’t come up with shit. He was having a hard time holding to a single thought.

“Bakugou? Don’t you wanna suggest something?”

Katsuki’s gaze snapped to Shoji but when he looked at him, he wasn’t sure that the guy had been the one talking in the first place. But it was a male voice. But maybe he imagined it?

“I have one!” Kirishima said suddenly by his side, squeezing the hand that was around his wrist.

Kirishima talked and talked and he focused on Yaoyoruzu and Shoji’s nodding and focused faces. They looked like they were thinking really hard, talking and discussing, and he wondered why. He felt the need to look to his side for some reason, and when he did Kirishima was staring at him with such concerned eyes that he started to feel concerned too. Were they in danger?

“Bakugou? Are you going to do it?”

“Yes,” He said immediately, because he could do anything.

Kirishima smiled at him and tugged at his arm, walking away from Yaoyoruzu and Shoji.

“Great, let’s get going.”

Kirishima led him to a different building and Katsuki suddenly remembered that there was an exercise he needed to complete.

“Kirishima,” He said seriously.

The redhead stopped walking to look at him. “What?”

“We need a plan.”

“Man,” Kirishima rolled his eyes and tugged him harder. “Honestly, you need to pay attention, what’s with you today? We’re using you as a distraction, so you need to throw one of your biggest explosions in front of the bank. The plan is to make them come out of the building while Yaoyoruzu and Shoji sneak in to save the hostages. We’ll fight them and then restrain them. Got it?”

That’s a shitty plan, he thought, but then that slipped from his mind. Explosions. He could do that.

“A big explosion?”

Kirishima smiled at him. “Yeah, man, the biggest.”

“Okay.”

He could do that.

They reached the bank, and Kirishima was peering from the side of the building that they were hiding behind. Katsuki looked down and noticed that Kirishima hadn’t let go of his wrist at all. He tried flexing his hand and realized that he couldn’t. It was like, frozen.

“Bakugou?”

Katsuki looked up and Kirishima looked concerned again.

“Man, you’re really scaring me. Do you think you can do this?”

Katsuki frowned, because whatever it was, he could do it. Explosions, he remembered.

“’Course I can,” He said, annoyed.

Kirishima looked hesitant but nodded.

“Okay, go out there when I give you the signal.”

Katsuki nodded. Explosions. He could make explosions.

“…Now! Go, go!”

Katsuki ran and ran until he reached the front of the bank and he lifted his hand. Explosions. The biggest one. He braced himself for the force of the explosion that was about to burst out of his hand but then, out of nowhere, he was thrown back by a sudden force. He could barely register what was going on before he fell hard against the ground, feeling an intense pain in his head.

And then, he felt nothing.

He couldn’t see, he couldn’t feel the world around him, and he had no idea whether he was up or down. What he could feel was the pounding of his heart against his chest. He was afraid. He didn’t know what was going on. Had he been attacked? Was it a quirk? No one had a quirk like this in class-

“Bakugou!”

Katsuki tried to move his head towards the sound but had no idea if he did it, everything sounded muffled. Like they were talking to him through a glass. He couldn’t breath correctly, it felt like there wasn’t enough air for him to take.

“Bakugou!!”

He heard it again, this time closer, and finally recognized that it was Kirishima.

“Oh my god, oh my god.”

What? He wanted to ask. What is going on? He had no idea if he was moving his mouth. He was trying to look around, but he couldn’t see anything, he had no idea if his eyes were even open.

“K-Kacchan?”

Deku. Was Deku okay? Had he been attacked too? What had attacked him?

“KACCHAN!!”

It sounded so loud. Katsuki wanted to help, wanted to say that he was fine, that he didn’t have to sound so worried, so scared.

“What happened? Is that… oh my god, is that Bakugou?!”

“Why is he- why is he blue?!”

Blue? He was blue?

“No, no, no, no. Kacchan, be okay, you’re okay, just say you’re okay, please, please, oh god, K-Kacchan-!”

Deku’s voice sounded really close but at the same time far away. I’m fine, he tried to say. Had no idea if he did it. I’m fine, I’m fine.

“Oh my god, Kacchan-”

“Shit, shit, shit. You can’t- Not now- Bakugou, he told me… h-he said- you said-!”

“Hold his head!”

Aizawa. Aizawa was here which meant the person that attacked him was gonna get arrested, right?

“What’s wrong with him?! Why can’t he talk?!”

“Someone call Recovery Girl and tell her we need paramedics. Be quick!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”

“Midoriya, away!”

“Kacchan! Oh god, Kacchan, Kacchan…”

I’m here, I’m here, I’m here, don’t worry nerd, I’m fine, I’m not in pain. His thoughts were slipping away from him and he wasn’t hearing many voices anymore.

He heard a heartbreaking sob. “KACCHAAN!!”

After that he heard nothing at all.

Chapter Text

When he opened his eyes again, he had no idea where he was. Everything felt fuzzy. He tried to look around and he felt like his vision took some time to catch up with the movement. Like it was in slow-motion. The room he was in had brown fancy tiles that reminded him of something, but he couldn’t exactly place what it was. The lights were really bright, and he couldn’t tell what time it was. He slowly moved his head to the other side of the room and found a couch and an uncomfortable looking plastic chair. There was a window behind his bed that had the curtains closed and when he focused harder, he noticed a fine transparent tube connected to a metal looking thing on the wall. He followed the tube, slowly, and realized that it was connected to him. He lifted his hand to touch it and realized there was another thing connected to him. An IV, he remembered. He followed the transparent tube with his free hand until he reached his nose and noticed that there was air coming out of it.

He heard a door open, but his mind couldn’t catch up in time with the sound, so when he finally looked up, there was a person already by his side. It was Amari.

“Hi, Bakugou,” She was smiling kindly at him and held a medical chart in her hands. “It’s good to see you awake. I need to check on some things, so for that I need to know if you can talk, or if it’s hard to talk.”

Katsuki heard her and then repeated her words in his head until they made sense. He tried opening his mouth and then move his tongue.

“Y….es,” He said with difficulty. He felt like his tongue wasn’t cooperating with him. “Ha…rd.”

“That’s fine, can you nod or shake your head fine?”

Katsuki nodded, slowly.

“Great. Before anything else, you should know that you don’t have to worry, you’re experiencing the symptoms of having had a seizure, but they should wear off in a few hours or a couple of days tops.”

A seizure? He had had seizure and he couldn’t remember?

“Sei…seiz…”

“Do you remember what happened?”

Katsuki shook his head. Amari nodded and wrote down something on her medical chart.

“You gave us quite a scare. Do you remember the group exercise?”

Katsuki nodded. Ground Beta. Explosions.

“Do you remember falling?”

Katsuki frowned, he wasn’t sure. He remembered darkness and screaming and sharp quick pain and for some reason blue?

“According to what your teacher told me, you were in the middle of a group exercise when one of your classmates threw you with a lot of force, thinking that you would dodge it or at least slow down the fall with your explosions. You hit your head quite hard against the concrete, which gave you a concussion, but that’s already taken care of. After that you experienced a seizure, until you were unconscious.”

A seizure. He couldn’t make the words click in his mind.

“Are you feeling any pain right now?”

Katsuki shook his head and she wrote something down.

“Any nausea?”

Katsuki shook his head.

“Dizziness?”

Katsuki nodded.

“Alright, I think that’s it for now. Are you thirsty?” He shook his head. “Okay, I’m gonna let you rest now. If you need anything, there is a button at the side of your bed, you just press it once and there’ll be someone on their way to help you.”

She left the room and Katsuki fell asleep.

--

Next time he woke up his mind felt a lot clearer, but he was still fighting the need to fall asleep again. The first thing he thought about was that the tiles were the same as the ones in the Radiation Vault, so he guessed that he must’ve been put in one of those rooms instead of the infirmary. The second thing that came to his mind was the fact he had a fucking seizure.

He was starting to panic. He pressed the button on his bed. Deku had been there, he had seen him. And Kirishima, too. The whole class as well if they were watching everything through the cameras. He was having trouble breathing again and he could sense a panic attack coming-

The door opened and Takumi came rushing in.

“Hey, hey. Easy, there, can you breathe?”

Katsuki choked.

“Alright, let’s count, okay? It’s important to breath. One… two... three…” Takumi kept going, taking deep breaths between each number until they reached twenty-seven and Katsuki could take big gulps of air normally. He was sitting on Katsuki’s bed and had both arms on his shoulders. “You feeling better?”

Katsuki nodded and Takumi stepped away, he started to check his nasal cannula (he could recognize it now) and his IV drip.

“Wh..y…” Katsuki frowned. He expected to be able to talk now.

Takumi looked at him.

“Why did I come? You called me,” Katsuki shook his head and Takumi frowned. Then the guy perked up and smiled down at him. “Oh, it’s like a game! I’ll guess, you say yes or no,” Katsuki tried to glare and Takumi ignored him. “Why… are you here?”

Katsuki shook his head again.

“Hm, why… why are you wearing a nasal cannula?” Katsuki stopped, he wanted to know that, but it wasn’t his question. Takumi seemed to realize that and answered anyways. “When you had your seizure, you had a hard time breathing and there wasn’t enough oxygen flowing through your body. You got all blue, it kinda suits you.”

Katsuki smiled a bit, despite himself feeling like shit.

“Let’s keep going… um, does it have to do with you being here?” Katsuki shook his head. “With your seizure?” Katsuki nodded. “Why did you have a seizure?” Katsuki nodded fervently. “Hell yeah!” Takumi said excited and then looked at him with a regretful expression. “Ah, I’m sorry Bakugou, I don’t actually know that yet, I’m just an intern, but I’ll let Amari-san know that you’re awake so she can answer your questions.”

Katsuki slumped his shoulders in defeat.

“I can tell you other stuff, though. I was here when they brought you in. Want me to tell you?”

Katsuki nodded again. Takumi smiled mischievously at him and sat down on the side of his bed.

“Well, for starters, you caused quite a scene. You were jerking and trashing all over the place. You kicked two nurses. Those two nurses being me. So what I mean to say is that you kicked me twice.”

Katsuki felt mortified and a bit scared but of that, he didn’t feel guilty about. He smirked.

“Des…erv…ed…it.”

Takumi glared at him but had a hint of a smile in his lips.

“Anyways, we had to restrain you so we could be able to inject some medicine that would help with your seizure. That was hard, let me tell you. There were four nurses and two doctors holding your arms and legs and we still couldn’t make you stay still. Oh! Actually…” Takumi stopped talking and he suddenly looked nervous and avoided his eyes. “Uh, I’m not sure if I can talk to you about this.”

Katsuki frowned. He lifted one hand to grab at Takumi’s shirt, calling his attention. “Tel’…me.” He was starting to feel tired again, like he was about to fall asleep.

Takumi bit his lip and looked like he wanted to make a run for it. “I think I made a mistake.”

Katsuki tugged at Takumi’s shirt harder and tried to keep his eyes open.

“Bakugou…” Takumi sighed. “Hey, why were you panicking about just now?”

Katsuki scoffed. “Wa…sn’t…”

“Come on, tell me, I’m your nurse. Practically your doctor. So, doctor’s orders,” Katsuki said nothing and kept scowling. “Dude, if you tell me then I might tell you what you want to know.”

Katsuki narrowed his eyes but when he thought about- about Deku and the fact that he had seen him, he started to feel his heart pounding again and his breathing get shorter and quicker. His hand dropped from Takumi’s shirt and he could tell that he was shaking.

“Bakugou, hey, Bakugou, calm down,” Takumi was saying, voice soft and calm. “You don’t have to tell me, alright? I think you need some more rest,” Takumi stood up from the bed and adjusted something on his IV drip. “Sleep, okay? You’ve been through a lot, I promise you’ll get some answers once you wake up, well and rested.”

Katsuki felt his eyes heavy and couldn’t fight unconsciousness any longer.

--

Katsuki woke up again and he was determined to stay awake for more than ten minutes. The room was still fucking bright and he couldn’t even tell how much time it had passed since he last fell asleep. He looked around him and jumped when he saw Todoroki sitting on the uncomfortable plastic chair next to his bed. The guy was tapping rapidly on his phone, his brow furrowed, and he looked concentrated on his task.

“Wh...what…”

Todoroki immediately lifted his face to look at him and stood up from the chair to go to his side in an instant. He looked nervous and concerned and like he didn’t know what to do.

“Bakugou,” He said quietly, his voice sounding relieved. “Bakugou. Thank god. You’re okay.”

“Am… I?”

“Aren’t you?” Todoroki said alarmed, eyes widening. “Are you in pain? Do you need me to call the doctor or-”

“’m...just…kid’ng…”

Todoroki stared frantically at him until he groaned and rubbed a hand through his face.

“Don’t do that,” Todoroki said weakly.

“So…rry…”

Todoroki kept his face hidden behind his hand.

“Don’t you… wanna… record it…?” Talking was getting easier.

Todoroki snorted behind his hand and when he finally looked up at Katsuki he was looking weirdly vulnerable.

“Idiot,” He muttered. “How are you feeling? The doctor said that you were too out of it to get any visits at first.”

“Fine… thirsty.”

“Crap. Should I get the nurse? I don’t know if I can give you water or-”

“Wait.”

Todoroki stopped talking.

“I… what…happened…” He asked, starting feel his heart beat faster. “… where’s…what about… Deku…” He was breathing too fast again, and he felt so incredibly frustrated by the fact that he wasn’t able to talk or even think about Deku without freaking out. What the fuck was wrong with him? He tried to calm down, to think about anything else, but his heart was racing.

Todoroki took his hand and placed it over his chest.

“Breathe,” He said and took a deep breath. Katsuki followed the movement with his eyes until he was mimicking it. “Better?” Katsuki nodded.

Todoroki sighed and sat down on the plastic chair, elbows on his knees and head on his hands. He finally took a deep breath before looking up at Katsuki again.

“Bakugou, I wanna tell you but you have to be calm, if you have another panic attack, they won’t let me stay, alright? Do you understand that? You’ve already had two while you were awake.”

Katsuki frowned. “It’s not… on purpose.”

Todoroki’s gaze softened. “I know. The doctor said that it was normal to feel anxious after having had that type of seizure. But you have to try, yes? I think you should know and I wanna help you.”

Katsuki breathed in and out until he felt calm enough. Deku’s fine, he thought, no matter his reaction, his fine, and he’s okay. He nodded.

Todoroki looked a bit hesitant but nodded back and sat straighter on the chair. “Midoriya is okay, nothing happened to him,” Katsuki nodded, letting that bit of relief wash over him. Todoroki’s face turned nervous and he looked away for a bit. “It… It was really scary, you were… at first you were so still and your eyes were so open, for a moment we all thought that you might…” Todoroki pressed both hands to his eyes and took a deep breath, after a few moments he turned his focus back to Katsuki. “But then you were looking around and you couldn’t talk, it sounded all… wrong, and you were turning blue, and again we thought that you were- that you were going to… and then your eyes rolled back and you started having like… spasms and- god, Bakugou, it was… it was really fucking scary.”

Katsuki was feeling himself starting to panic again, he tried to hide it, to take deep breaths and calm his heart but he was finding it hard. Todoroki was suddenly at his side, holding his hand against his chest again. A few moments later Katsuki was feeling a bit better and Todoroki stepped away once more.

“Okay now?” Todoroki asked and Katsuki nodded. “Are you sure? Bakugou, maybe I shouldn’t-”

“Yes…‘m fine.”

Todoroki sighed. “Alright, but if you need me to stop, then you tell me, okay?” Katsuki nodded. “Right, so, um. Midoriya,” Todoroki stopped, staring at Katsuki’s reaction intently. Katsuki felt his heart speed up a bit but he was still breathing normally. “Um. Well, you know how Aizawa knows about your cancer, right? And how he also knows that Midoriya doesn’t know?” Katsuki nodded impatiently. “Midoriya was quite…” Todoroki winced and ran a hand through his hair. “…shaken up about it. That’s probably a conversation you should have with him. Um, so, Aizawa saw Midoriya’s reaction and he decided that he wasn’t allowed to see you-”

“What.”

Todoroki looked even more nervous. “Since the doctor said that you shouldn’t be disturbed until you felt better, Aizawa thought that it was best to not let anyone visit you until you were completely yourself.”

“But…you’re here.”

“Yes. Aizawa only allowed me in because I already knew and wasn’t likely to disturb you by being mad or upset at you.”

Katsuki took some time to think about it. He guessed it made sense. If Deku came to yell at him or break up with him in his current state, he wasn’t sure he would be able to refrain himself from having a gigantic panic attack.

“How did he… took it?”

Todoroki rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, yesterday-”

“Yesterday? How… long?”

“You’ve been here two days. You were admitted on Monday and today is Tuesday.”

“Oh…”

“Right. So um, yesterday…” Todoroki looked hesitant. “Shit, Bakugou, I don’t-” He let out a frustrated sigh and sat down again. “He thought it was his fault at first. When we were doing the exercise… he was the one that punched you.”

Katsuki felt his heart drop. If Katsuki had looked as bad as Todoroki was saying, then Deku probably thought that he might’ve… fuck. Fuck. He felt like crying.

“It was after that when you looked… and he- he was really scared, to say the least. When the paramedics came, Aizawa had to use his capture weapon to get you to stay still but when we got to the hospital he had to let you go because they needed to inject something in your arm and check on some other things but you were like… trashing and kicking. No one could restrain you and it wasn’t until Midoriya used his quirk to hold your arm down long enough so they could inject the medicine that you finally calmed down-”

“Wait.”

Todoroki stopped talking and Katsuki took some time to breath. He sensed that things were about to get worse. Todoroki was hovering close to him, as if waiting for the right moment to grab Katsuki’s hand again. He took deep breaths and tried to control his speeding heart.

“’Kay, I’m good now.”

Todoroki nodded but stayed close to him, just in case.

“Right, so… um. There were like, a lot of doctors and nurses and Recovery Girl and Aizawa were there too, they were all trying to figure out what had happened with you until… uh, well the blonde doctor, the one that does your radiotherapy sessions showed up, and she said that it probably was caused by your tumor and, well, um… well, Midoriya heard that.”

His shitty lungs were having a hard time breathing again and he wanted to scream in frustration.

“W…was he mad? Did…. Did he…wanted… break…up…”

“Bakugou, this isn’t healthy, you’re two seconds away from freaking out again, I can’t-” Todoroki shook his head and quickly grabbed his hand and pressed it over his chest and Katsuki wanted to cry. It took a long time for him to be calm again and when he was finally better Todoroki didn’t continue talking, instead he stepped away and gave him a regretful look. “I’m calling a nurse, alright? I don’t think you’re completely recovered just yet.”

Todoroki left the room with a last sad look and shortly after that, a smiling girl he had never seen before came in to adjust something in his IV drip and not two seconds later he was already falling asleep.

--

When he woke up again, Amari was by his bed writing stuff down on her medical chart.

“I don’t wanna sleep,” He blurted out immediately, trying to sit up. He felt weak and tired, but he wasn’t allowing anyone to put him to sleep again. “You can’t keep making me, I wanna be awake.”

Amari looked slightly amused and helped him sit up on the bed.

“That’s fine, I actually think you’re a lot better now. Probably gonna be discharged soon.”

“What day is it?”

“Wednesday.”

“Shit,” He grunted and bumped his head against the headboard. “Another fucking day.”

“Yeah, I’m sure it must suck.”

Katsuki huffed and looked down at his hands. There was a bruise in the back of his left hand but there was no longer a needle connected to him. He raised his hands to touch his face and couldn’t feel the plastic tube around his nose. He looked up at Amari and she was holding a glass of water to him. He took it quickly, realizing how thirsty he was and drank all of it in a matter of seconds.

“Bakugou, there are some things we need to discuss about your treatment, but before that, I was thinking that you might want to get some visits,” She said excitedly. “There’s a lot of people that have been waiting to see you and I think you’ve mostly recovered from the side effects of your seizure. Would you be okay with that?”

Katsuki felt his heart speed up but he was thankfully able to breath. The feeling of constant fear and anxiety that he had felt these last four days was mostly gone. He was fucking scared, of course, but he felt capable of controlling his emotions.

“Yes. Yes, I’ll be okay.”

“Great! I’m gonna go let your teacher know. Remember you can always press the button in your bed if you’re feeling too overwhelmed or need anything, alright?”

“Right.”

Amari left and Katsuki sat on his bed restless and nervous and wanting to run away. Katsuki felt as if he was living the longest minutes of his life when finally, there was a knock on his door and then it was opening and all he could do was grab at his bedsheets to keep himself from jumping out of his fucking window.

Deku slowly entered the room and closed the door behind him, leaning his back on it. He had an unreadable expression; his eyes were puffy and red rimmed, and it was so obvious that he had been crying that Katsuki re visited the idea of jumping out of the window. Deku was clutching something on his hands and when Katsuki paid more attention to it his heart dropped. Fuck. Fucking hell. It was his Making Cancer My Bitch notebook. The one where he had written down everything about his treatment, his tumor, his symptoms.

He felt his throat dry and his heart was pounding, and he didn’t know what to do. Deku was just standing there, looking at him in some type of way that Katsuki couldn’t figure out. Deku took a step forward and Katsuki leaned a bit further on the bed.

“Kacchan…” Deku said weakly and his eyes were full of unshed tears already and Katsuki audibly swallowed trying to control his own.

“Deku.”

Suddenly he was walking the remaining steps to the bed and Katsuki jumped out of it to meet him in the middle just to immediately fall to the ground as soon as his feet hit the floor.

“Kacchan!”

Katsuki fell on his knees and the world spun for a couple of seconds before there were hands on his arms and on his shoulders and on his face and Deku was in front of him crying, face wet with tears and eyes frantically searching Katsuki’s face and body for an injury.

“Stupid, Kacchan,” He said with such a vulnerable voice, hands all over the place. “Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid-”

“Deku,” Katsuki interrupted, trying to catch his attention. “Deku, stop.”

His boyfriend froze for a few seconds, just staring at him and saying nothing, until he was stepping away so fast that he might as well had used his quirk. He had stood up, with his back turned to Katsuki and his hands were covering his face and his shoulders were shaking.

Katsuki swallowed again, trying his hardest not to cry.

“Deku…”

“Why didn’t you tell me, Kacchan?!” He suddenly asked, turning around, and staring down at him, voice tinged with hurt and sadness, but at the same time so raw and angry that Katsuki shrunk into himself. “I- I don’t understand… why wouldn’t you tell me?!”

“I’m sorry-”

“It’s been months!” Deku almost screamed. He looked furious and frustrated in a way he had never seen before. “Months! You’ve been in pain for months and you said nothing!” Deku walked towards the bed and grabbed his notebook aggressively, Katsuki hadn’t even seen when he had put it there and started to quickly flip through the pages. “Headache lasted twenty-five minutes today, still can’t see out of my left eye,” He read, voice thick with tears before dropping the notebook back into the bed. “You said it was nothing!”

“Please, Deku, just-”

“I asked you! So many times, I asked if you were okay, and you lied. You said it was nothing,” He looked hurt and incredibly betrayed and Katsuki couldn’t take it anymore. There were tears falling from his eyes too and he didn’t even know what to say, how to make it better. “Don’t you trust me? After… after everything. Why can’t you trust me?”

“I- I do!” He exclaimed, trying to get up from the floor but failing. “It wasn’t because of that-”

“Then why, Kacchan?!” Deku interrupted, breathing heavy, he roughly wiped some tears from his face and then ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t get it! I’m your boyfriend! I should be the one going with you to your appointments, not Todoroki! I should’ve…” Deku’s breathing was starting to come out quicker. “I should’ve known so I wouldn’t be stupid enough to hit you like I did!”

“No, Deku, that wasn’t-”

“Were you ever going to tell me? Was I supposed to find out until you were literally bed-ridden?” Katsuki desperately shook his head but Deku kept talking. “It’s not just…” He let out a shaky breathy. “It’s cancer,” He said, voice close to a whisper.

“I tried to-”

 “I can’t…” Deku covered his face with his hands. “I can’t do this.”

Katsuki’s heart stopped.

“…what?”

“I can’t- I… I need to leave.”

His hands started shaking and he couldn’t breathe.

“Leave?”

Deku still had his face burrowed on his hands not looking at him, he was taking deep breaths. This was it. He thought he wouldn’t be surprised but god, did it feel like a punch to the stomach. Like his heart was being ripped away from him.

Deku turned around and left the room and Katsuki’s world fell apart. He couldn’t breathe, and his heart was pounding, and his chest hurt. There were sparks coming out of his hands and he couldn’t control them. He was ugly crying and he couldn’t stop and his throat was tight. Deku left him. He couldn’t deal with him anymore. It was honestly surprising that he had stayed so long.

He sat back and pulled his knees close to his chest, burying his face in between them and grabbing his hair.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered. “I love you.”

He tried to calm down because despite everything he didn’t want to have another panic attack, he was supposed to be in control now, but he couldn’t. All he was aware of was the beating of his heart and the sound of his pained sobs and the feeling of explosions coming out of his hands. What was he supposed to do now? Deku was gone and it was his fault. For not being honest, for being a crappy boyfriend, for being weak, for having too much baggage. He was dying and Deku was gone and he couldn’t breath and he was dying-

“K-Kacchan?”

Katsuki looked up and found Deku on the door staring down at him with wide green eyes. Katsuki tried to stand up but he couldn’t, feeling dizzy as soon as he tried to lift himself.

“D-Deku, I’m sorry,” He tried to get up again. “Don’t leave, please, Deku, I’m so sorry, I love you-”

He tried standing up once again but he fell, and Deku was in front of him in an instant, trying to hold his arms to help him get up but Katsuki ignored him and instead grabbed his shirt in his fists because he needed to make Deku stay.

“Don’t leave me,” He said desperately, tears falling from his eyes. “I don’t know…” He couldn’t breathe. “I don’t know what I would do if you- please, I’m sorry, don’t leave-”

“I didn’t mean- I was just going to-” Deku grabbed his face in between his hands and pressed their foreheads together. “Kacchan- Kacchan! Listen to me, y-you need to breathe-”

“I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I love you, don’t leave-”

There were tears falling out of Deku’s eyes again.

“K-Kacchan, please, calm down, I’m not leaving, I’m here, I would never leave you, you hear me? I just needed to cool down for a bit, I didn’t mean that I was leaving you. I love you so much. I’m sorry for scaring you.”

“I- I can’t...” I can’t breathe, he wanted to say. He felt like he was dying.

Deku was frantically looking at his face and at their surroundings as if looking for something. “I don’t know-!” He looked frustrated and concerned and he was crying too. “I love you, I love you, I’m not leaving you, I promise, Kacchan.”

Katsuki heard Deku but he couldn’t make the words click in his mind and his hands were leaving scorch marks on Deku’s shirt.

“C-come here,” Deku grabbed his shoulders and brought him close to him, pressing Katsuki’s head to his chest and rubbing his back with his hands.

“Hey, Kacchan.”

Katsuki was panting. “W-what?”

“Your group’s plan sucked, you know.”

“…w-what?”

“I mean, throwing explosions in front of a bank filled with hostages, that’s not very smart.”

Katsuki faltered. What was he talking about?

“I-I don’t…”

“Who came up with that, anyways? I know it wasn’t you.”

“I- I think- Kirishima?”

“Really? And Yaoyoruzu was okay with that?”

“I… I think so, y-yes.”

“Wow, she’s normally so calculating, guess it was her day off,” Deku combed his fingers through his hair. “And what did Shoji say?”

“I… I don’t remember.”

“That’s okay. What did you think of the plan?”

“It… it was shitty.”

Deku chuckled wetly against his head. “Yeah, it could’ve been better. What would you’ve done?”

“F-find a way in.”

“Me too, to see how many hostages there were?” Katsuki nodded. “Right, and then take out the boss.”

Katsuki shook his head. “Hear their plan first.”

“Smart,” Deku kissed the top of his hair. “Our plan was to lure you in so we could take you guys out, so you see how when you arrived with your explosions, it made it pretty easy for us.”

“Wasn’t my plan.”

“I know. We still won, though.”

“…not fair. It doesn’t count.”

 “It totally does,” He retorted, voice suddenly quieter than it was before. “So you have to get better to beat me at the next exercise we go against. You know, to prove me wrong, like you always do.”

“I’ll win.”

Deku chuckled again but it sounded sadder. “I wanna see you try, Kacchan.”

Katsuki said nothing and just closed his eyes, letting himself feel Deku’s steady heartbeat against his cheek. They were both quiet for a while, the only sounds in the room were their breathings and sometimes Katsuki’s shaky intakes of breath. Deku kept touching his hair, his back, his arms, and Katsuki kept on holding on to Deku’s shirt for dear life. After some time, they both calmed down and Katsuki was finally breathing normally, his crying had stopped and the feeling that he was dying had diminished considerably. Well, most of it, because he was always dying.

“Do you feel better?”

Katsuki moved away from Deku and what had happened finally started to sink in.

“Yeah,” He said averting Deku’s eyes.

He felt his cheeks get warm and he inwardly cursed. Fuck, he was so pathetic. He thought he wouldn’t have another panic attack after recovering from his seizure. He felt embarrassed and ashamed and weak and Deku had to deal with his pathetic ass, again. Deku allowed him to move away a bit but kept his arms around him.

Deku raised his hands to cup his face firmly. “I’m not leaving, Kacchan. I’m mad at you, I’m so mad at you. But I’m not ever leaving you, you understand that? You’re not getting rid of me.”

“I’m sorry,” Katsuki moved his hands to hold on to Deku’s wrist, trying to convey with his voice how genuinely bad he felt. “I’m sorry for lying, and for hiding things from you. It felt wrong and I wanted to tell you, I wanted you to be there but I-” Katsuki averted Deku’s eyes, feeling nervous. “I was afraid. That you would feel like I was too much to deal with. You’ve already done so much for me with… with the whole shit with my parents and I didn’t want you to have to deal with even more of my problems. And I… well, I didn’t want for things to change. And I was gonna tell you. I tried, but… things got out of my hands pretty quickly.”

When Katsuki looked back at Deku, his boyfriend was staring at him with wide perplexed eyes and was shaking his head like he couldn’t believe what Katsuki was saying.

“That makes no sense,” Deku removed his hands from Katsuki’s face and rubbed them over his face with Katsuki’s hands still holding on to his wrists. “I can’t believe you would think that,” He dropped his hands to his lap and was still looking at him in disbelief. “You’re not too much to deal with, you’re my boyfriend, I like dealing with you. It’s not even- it’s not called dealing with you, it’s called being your boyfriend! God, Kacchan, this is- and when did even you try to tell me?!”

“I… like a lot of times! You always thought that I wanted to have sex!”

Deku looked nonplussed. “That’s what you wanted to talk about?”

“Well, yeah.”

“I- I thought you were trying to seduce me!”

“Why would talking to you be seductive?!”

“You wanted to be alone!”

“Yes, because I wanted to tell you that I had cancer, not because I wanted to have sex!”

“Oh, so now you didn’t want to have sex!”

“Of course, I wanted to have sex, dumbass, but it wasn’t my main priority!”

Deku pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose, with Katsuki’s hand still attached to his wrist. For some reason he couldn’t make himself let go of them.

Deku sighed and his shoulders slumped a bit. “I… I mean, I kind of guessed that you wanted to talk about something but since you didn’t stop me, I figured that it wasn’t that important, and, well…” He averted his eyes. “You’ve been weird, and I thought that maybe you wanted to… I don’t know…” He trailed off and shrugged, looking a bit sheepish.

Katsuki said nothing for a bit, just thinking. They were really such a mess.

He sighed, moving his hands down to hold on to Deku’s hands instead. “Do you see the pattern here?”

Deku sighed too and looked down at their linked hands. “I… yeah, I kinda do.”

“I think we need to work on our communication.”

Deku chuckled lightly. “You think so?”

Katsuki squeezed his hands. “I’m sorry.”

“I know. I’m still mad, though.”

Katsuki nodded. “I get it.”

No one said anything for a while, and Katsuki busied himself carefully tracing the scars on Deku’s knuckles and fingers. It wasn’t until he heard a sniff that he looked up and realized that Deku was crying again.

“Deku?”

“I can’t believe that-” Deku’s voice broke. “When I heard the doctor, I thought that- that it was a mistake, I just- I can’t believe-”

Katsuki felt his heart clench and he squeezed Deku’s hands again. “Deku…”

“Is it true?”

“What?”

“E-everything in your notebook, is it…true?

“I… ” He thought about the side effects of his treatment, the need for surgery at some point, the probabilities of surviving and his heart started to beat a bit faster. “Yeah,” He finally replied, deciding to be honest.

Deku shook his head. “T-this isn’t fair.”

Katsuki took a deep breath, trying to control his own emotions.

“Deku-”

“This isn’t fair!” Deku repeated, sounding so hurt and sad. It was breaking Katsuki’s heart. “We’re supposed to graduate, you have so much things to do yet, we were going to live together-”

“Hey-”

“This can’t be happening you’re not supposed to die-!”

“Deku, you can’t wallow,” He interrupted loudly and with conviction. Deku stopped talking to look at him with wide confused eyes.

“W-wallow?”

“I’m not goona die, alright? I still have to beat your ass in being the number one hero and just because I have cancer and I’m gonna be a bit behind now, it doesn’t mean that I’m not gonna do it.”

Deku just stared at him, panting, and crying and after a few seconds he threw himself at Katsuki, hugging him tight. “P-promise me you’re n-never gonna hide something like t-this from m-me again, Kacchan.”

“I promise,” Katsuki said, hugging him back and squeezing his eyes shut. “I promise, I’m really sorry, Deku.”

“I love you so much. I can’t believe this is happening. It’s not fair, it’s not fair, I love you.”

Katsuki separated himself from Deku and firmly grabbed his shoulders. He needed to make himself clear.

“Deku, listen to me,” Deku kept crying and he looked miserable, but he was listening to him. “I love you more, okay? But… you can’t wallow. I mean it. I can’t- you can’t treat me like I’m about to keel over at any second, because I’m not going to, do you get it?”

Deku stared at him looking devastated. He said nothing for a while just looking at him with eyes full of emotion, but after a while he nodded, leaning down to kiss Katsuki’s forehead, resting his lips there.

“I’m gonna hold you to that,” He whispered.

“Yeah, you do that, nerd,” He whispered back, squeezing his eyes close and hoping that what he was saying was true.

Chapter Text

“Um, what is going on?”

They both separated quickly and turned around to look at the door and saw Takumi, that seemed as if he had just entered, holding a tray with a water bottle and what looked like jelly on it.

“Hey, you’re not supposed to be out of bed yet!” Takumi said accusingly. “Amari-san said that you might be feeling dizzy if you tried to go too fast,” He added.

“I’m fucking fine,” He replied rolling his eyes.

“Kacchan! Don’t be rude,” Deku whispered scoldingly at him, looking scandalized. “I’m so sorry!”  He added, looking apologetically at the nurse.

“…Kacchan?” Takumi asked, staring at Katsuki like he was trying  hard not to laugh.

“You call me that and you’re dead,” He said glaring at the nurse.

Takumi snorted and walked the remaining steps to the bed, leaving the tray on the bedside table.

“Need some help?”

“I can do it alone,” He replied grumpily, but the second he tried to get up he fell onto Deku’s arms again, feeling dizzy and weak. “What the fuck,” He muttered, looking down at his useless legs, trying to make the world stop spinning.

“Here, Kacchan, hold on to my arms,” Deku said while grabbing his waist.

Deku practically lifted him up and helped him get on the bed again.

“Kacchan, huh?” Takumi said teasingly, offering the water bottle to him from the other side of the bed and Katsuki hastily grabbed.

“Stop it,” He said as he glared at him before taking a sip.

“Um, do you know each other?” Deku asked, looking confused at their interaction.

“Of course, he’s my favorite patient,” Takumi said excitedly. “We’ve actually met, already,” He added looking at Deku.

Deku widened his eyes, confused. “I don’t think so?”

“I was the one holding down Bakugou’s legs while you were holding his arm,” Takumi explained.

“O-oh! I’m sorry, I- I don’t remember-”

“That’s fine!” Takumi interrupted, waving a hand dismissively. “You were having quite a crisis over this guy.”

Deku’s cheeks reddened and he avoided looking at Katsuki. “A-ah, well-”

“Hey, it’s that what you couldn’t talk to me about?” Katsuki asked when he remembered Takumi suddenly deciding to shut up a few days ago.

“Yeah, dude, I was dying to tell you that I met your boyfriend but I’m sure you would’ve just had another panic attack at the mere mention of his name.”

Deku turned his green eyes back to him, looking moved and sad, and grabbed one of his hands. “Kacchan…”

It was Katsuki’s time to feel his cheeks get warm and he looked away, feeling embarrassed.

“Shut up,” He said defensively. “I’ll push you if I could.”

His boyfriend looked at him fondly and amused and just squeezed his hand.

“So you must be Deku,” The nurse interrupted, curiously looking down at their linked hands.

Katsuki felt a bit bad about being so openly affectionate with Deku since the guy had a dumb crush and all that, but it wasn’t really his fault since he had told him he had a boyfriend since the beginning. Still, it felt weird to be holding hands in front of the guy that had called him cute since the day they met.

“Uh, yes? My name’s actually Izuku,” He replied, looking surprised at Takumi’s sudden interaction.

“Dude, I’m sorry but I totally thought you were fake.”

Deku squeaked, surprised. “What?!”

“I told you he was real!” Katsuki interjected, with an indignant voice. “You’re just an idiot.”

“Excuse me for not believing that your boyfriend’s pet name is an insult,” Takumi replied rolling his eyes.

“You’re so dumb, it’s not a pet name-”

“How do you know each other?” Deku interrupted looking from Katsuki to Takumi.

“Oh, I’m Bakugou’s nurse! I help with his radiotherapy sessions.”

“Oh, right…” Deku looked down and his shoulders slumped a bit and Katsuki felt like straight up trash, but before he could say anything, Deku frowned and turned his eyes back to Takumi. “Um, why did you think I was fake?”

Takumi grinned and clasped his hands behind his back, taking a step closer to the bed and Katsuki felt nervous because he could tell the guy was about to do something stupid.

“Well, you see-”

“Takumi-”

“I’ve been flirting with your boyfriend for the last couple of weeks now.”

“What,” Katsuki heard Deku’s incredulous voice and all he could do was gape at Takumi in disbelief.

“But he’s been insisting that he has boyfriend and I thought that he was just trying to get rid of me, but I guess he wasn’t lying,” Takumi finished, shrugging.

Takumi looked as if he had just announced the time of the day, not a care in the world, and when he looked back at Deku, he was gaping at the nurse, looking like he was struggling to comprehend what he had just heard. Katsuki tried not to laugh, because it had been just a little bit funny, and turned his gaze back to Takumi.

“What the actual fuck, Takumi?”

Takumi smiled down at him and shrugged again, as if it had been nothing out of the ordinary.

“I told you, it’s not my fault you’re the only cute patient in the Radiation Vault. Everyone else is so old. Yesterday I had to help an old dude put on his pants,” He finished, seeming to shiver in disgust at the memory.

Katsuki snorted. “You’re a nurse. That’s literally your job, I think you might’ve chosen the wrong profession.”

“What.”

Takumi and Katsuki turned their gazes back to Deku, who was still staring at the both of them utterly confused. Takumi just smiled as if everything was okay.

“Don’t worry, though, now that I know you’re real I won’t keep doing it,” Takumi said, walking towards the door. “Much,” He added after a bit, shrugging dismissively. “Amari-san will be over in a bit,” The guy said quickly before fleeing the room.

Fifteen minutes later, Deku was pacing around his room while Katsuki ate his jelly.

“-just so rude! He’s supposed to be a professional, he shouldn’t be flirting with you. Why would you even lie about my existence, anyways? He should’ve just listened when you told him to bugger off,” Deku stopped his pacing to stare at him. “You did tell him, right?”

“’Course.”

Deku kept on pacing.

“And what did he mean by ‘much’?! That he’s gonna keep doing it? In his dreams you’re gonna keep going alone to those appointments. I’m your boyfriend! I just wanna- ugh!” Deku’s hands turned into fists and he angrily stumped at the ground. “I can’t believe he’s been flirting with you for two weeks and I had no idea. And to call you cute in my face-!”

“I’m not cute, then?” Katsuki asked distractedly, noticing that he had finished his jelly.

Deku turned around and pointed at him. “You’re so cute! But he can’t say it!”

Katsuki snorted and shook his head. “Deku, come on, he was just messing with you. He’s usually like that, just ignore him. That’s what I do.”

“How can you say that?! His practically harassing you-”

“Come oooonn,” Katsuki whined, and patted the bed. “Just come here. It’s not like I was going to do anything with him.”

Deku looked at him narrowing his eyes and Katsuki invitingly patted the bed again and Deku sighed, resignedly.

“Fine,” He replied, still looking agitated but went to the bed, nonetheless.

Deku sat down by his side, and Katsuki immediately grabbed his arm, liking their hands together and leaning his head against his shoulder. Deku rested his head on top of Katsuki’s and he closed his eyes, letting the tiredness that was constantly following him nowadays wash over him.

“Hey, Kacchan.”

“Mm?”

“How did Takumi flirt with you?”

“Deku, stop it.”

“Just tell me so I can be prepared-”

“Deku, come on,” He said and pinched Deku’s arm. His boyfriend yelped and pinched him back. “It doesn’t matter, you’re still my boyfriend no matter how much he flirts with me,” Deku grunted but said nothing back and Katsuki closed his eyes again, thinking about sleeping for a few minutes.

“Kacchan.”

“If you talk about Takumi again, I will push you off the bed.”

“No- I- well, it’s just that… um, your friends wanna see you.”

Katsuki straightened up to look at Deku, who was looking at him nervously.

“They heard. The doctor, I mean. Well, Kirishima heard and I think he might’ve told Kaminari, Ashido and Sero. I don’t think the rest of the class knows, though, but um, they probably most definitely know-”

Katsuki’s heart was racing. “Were they mad?”

Deku squeezed his hand. “A bit, yeah. Um, they’re mostly worried. They’ve been asking Todoroki about you like crazy since I... well,” Deku looked away, a hint of hurt in his eyes, but he kept going anyways. “They wanna see you, so I thought I’ll let you know, to see if that’s okay with you.”

Katsuki said nothing, just thinking. He was a bit scared, because, just like with Deku, to think that he was once again involving them in his shitty problems and baggage made him feel guilty and like they would get tired of his shit. But also, he knew that he owed it to them to at least explain his reasons.

“Alright.”

Deku gave him a soft smile. “Okay, I’ll let them know.”

Katsuki nodded and Deku leaned down to kiss his cheek.

“I think it’s good that you’re seeing them. They’ve been really concerned.”

Katsuki slumped on the bed, feeling more guilty than ever. Before he could reply with something else, there was someone opening the door.

“I’m sorry I’m late, I was- oh,” Amari faltered on her steps when she noticed Deku sitting on the bed next to Katsuki. She gave them both a kind smile before talking again. “I see that you’re still with your visit.”

Deku’s cheeks reddened and he got off the bed, murmuring a shy sorry on the way.

“Oh, no, that’s okay,” She said quickly. “I don’t mind. But I’m actually going to discuss some personal things about Bakugou’s treatment, so I think-”

“Can I stay?” Deku immediately asked, interrupting Amari. Deku’s cheeks got even redder and he looked embarrassed, but he didn’t take back his question.

“Well, we don’t usually allow anyone but close family members to overhear personal information but since, Bakugou, you’re practically a legal adult now I guess you could decide if it’s okay,” She answered looking at Katsuki with a questioning stare.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” He replied immediately.

Deku looked at him as if he was about to start crying and Katsuki rolled his eyes fondly at him, grabbing his hand.

“Alright,” Amari said, staring at their interaction with slight amusement. “Then let’s get started,” She said, her expression turning more serious while she flipped through some pages held on her medical chart. “We believe that the treatment you’re currently under is not enough to battle your tumor. Since it’s quite advanced, we think that increasing the number of sessions is necessary to achieve a more effective result.”

“How much?” Katsuki asked nervous.

“We estimate that four sessions a week would be better.”

Katsuki nodded, looking away. Four fucking days. Sounded like hell. If with only two sessions a week he felt like complete shit, he couldn’t even imagine what he would feel having to go to four sessions a week.

“For how long?”

Katsuki turned his head to stare at Deku, who had asked the question with wide eyes and a shaky voice and Katsuki became aware of the strong hold that Deku had in his hand. Katsuki squeezed his hand, trying to make his worried frown ease.

“Originally, we had planned for the treatment to last six weeks but given the current circumstances we decided to add a couple more weeks, so it would be eight weeks in total.”

“Right,” Replied Katsuki, taking a deep breath, trying to ignore the sudden urge to scream in frustration. Whatever, he would do it. If it meant he would get rid of his dumb tumor then he would do it.

“We’re also giving you medicine to prevent another seizure from happening again, you might experience some side effects from it, but they shouldn’t be too troubling.”

Katsuki shifted his face in despair.

“More side effects?” He asked, and he knew he sounded pathetic, but he was so fucking tired of dealing with so many shitty symptoms.

Amari winced apologetically. “I know you must be sick of it, but it’s really for the best to prevent another seizure from happening.”

Katsuki slumped his shoulders resignedly. “Fine.”

“Bakugou,” She said, her voice sounding a bit gentler and her gaze a bit softer, making Katsuki feel nervous. “I know this is probably not what you want to hear right now but I think it’s important to tell you that things aren’t exactly going to get easier from now on. Treatment is hard and it is gonna take a toll on your body and your normal life. I’m sorry if this sounds a bit crude but I believe you’re the type of person that appreciates honesty, so with that in mind I tell you that there’s not much time left for you to keep going on with your current routine. School and training might come to a halt soon because what’s most important right now is to look after your health. Do you understand where I’m coming from?”

Katsuki listened to Amari, the words going through his ears but not really computing what they meant until they clicked. This was it. He finally had a deadline. He knew it might be coming soon, he always knew that there would be a time in which he could no longer keep going on as usual but to finally hear it was still fucking hard. Amari was right, though. He did appreciate her honesty and he was glad to at least know that he didn’t exactly had that much time left.

He nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat, and trying his hardest to not freak out over the news.

“I understand. Um. Thanks.”

Amari smiled kindly at him and closed her medical chart, finally moving away from the bed and towards the door.

“I think that will be all. I’m sorry we have to keep you in here for another night but it’s better that we’re able to check on you until you’ve recovered completely. I’ll come back later to see which days work best for your sessions, yeah?” She said still smiling and Katsuki nodded, watching her leave the room and close the door behind her.

Katsuki stared down at the door and gave himself five seconds to think about how crappy his situation was and how unfair it was to be dying. After that he took a deep breath and decided to move on.

“Hey Deku, have I missed too much in class?” He asked, still looking at the door distractedly. “Deku?” He asked again after a few moments had passed and Deku hadn’t answered him, turning his head to look at him.

When he finally saw Deku’s face he realized that his boyfriend looked close to bursting into tears, staring at some spot on the wall and taking deep breaths, looking as if he was trying to control himself. Katsuki felt his heart clench and he wanted to hug Deku but also yell at him because damn it, was the nerd making it hard for him to keep going on as normal.

Katsuki cupped Deku’s face and gently turned it to look at him. “Deku…”

Deku said nothing and a tear escaped his eyes. Katsuki gently wiped it away and took a deep breath. “Deku, remember what we talked about?” Deku weakly nodded, and he looked so sad and heartbroken that he felt incapable of telling him off completely. He sighed and brought Deku close to him hugging him hard. “You have one minute to wallow,” He whispered. “Use it wisely,” His boyfriend immediately started crying and Katsuki closed his eyes, trying to detach himself from the situation.

“K-Kacchan…” Deku said in between sobs and hugged him back hard. “I-I’m sorry!”

“It’s okay,” He replied, stroking Deku’s hair. “You can wallow, just for now.”

“I love you, this can’t be real, I love you so much.”

Katsuki said nothing and let Deku cry his eyes out against his neck. Deku cried and cried and whispered that he loved him and that he couldn’t be dying over and over and Katsuki let him do it for two minutes straight because he was feeling generous and soft for his boyfriend.

“Time’s up,” He said, blinking hard trying to stop his own tears from falling and finally separating himself from Deku.

“K-Kacchan-”

Katsuki wiped away some of the tears on Deku’s face. “So. Classes. What did I miss?”

Deku stared at him for a few seconds, not saying anything and still breathing erratically due to the crying, but after some moments he seemed to calm himself down. Katsuki was really grateful for that, because he didn’t think he could watch Deku keep crying without having another panic attack himself.

“N-not much. You can look at my notes, I knew you would be worried about that.”

Katsuki smiled at his boyfriend and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

“Thanks, nerd.”

He just needed to get through the treatment, and everything would be okay.

--

Katsuki shifted in his place and scratched his nose, looking at the four persons standing in front of his bed, staring at him with suspiciously red eyes. Nobody had said anything yet and Katsuki was starting to feel nervous, until Kirishima suddenly launched forward and wrapped Katsuki in a messy tight hug, squeezing his face against his chest.

“The fuck are you doing-”

“I’m sorry!” Kirishima wailed.

Katsuki tried to separate himself a bit from Kirishima but it was useless.

“Why are you sorry?” He asked puzzled, going limp in his best friend’s arms because he couldn’t get away and returned the hug resignedly.

“I should’ve realized sooner, I knew there was something wrong, but I thought that you were just nervous. If I had said something maybe this wouldn’t have happened-”

“Don’t be dumb,” Katsuki interrupted, voice muffled by Kirishima’s shirt. “That would’ve happened no matter what. It’s not your fault, idiot.”

“Kiri, I think you’re asphyxiating him,” Katsuki heard Ashido’s tentative voice.

“I’m fine,” Katsuki said, patting Kirishima’s back. “Not for long, though.”

“No, shut up. You lied to us!” Kirishima retorted, squeezing him harder and Katsuki felt guilty again.

“Kirishima, come on,” Sero said weakly. “Let him go.”

“No!”

“At least let him breathe,” Kaminari added.

Kirishima weakened his embrace and Katsuki’s face emerged from over his shoulder. He saw Ashido, Sero and Kaminari standing by his bed staring at him with awfully serious looks in their faces.

“I’m guessing you didn’t come to hang out?”

“Blasty,” Ashido said, looking at him with sorrowful eyes. “Why didn’t you say something?”

Katsuki swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

“Yes, but why, Bakugou?” Sero asked, looking at him with a hint of frustration. “You know we would’ve helped you, right?”

“I know,” He said sheepish. “Just… didn’t wanna worry you.”

“That’s so dumb,” Kaminari said, staring incredulously at him. “We’ve been worried anyways!”

“Why?” Katsuki asked frowning in confusion, trying to look better at Kaminari over Kirishima’s still tight grip.

“Bakugou…” Said Ashido softly. “Do you really think we haven’t noticed that you’ve been acting differently? You were distracted and quiet, which you never are, you looked nervous. It was just like before, when… with your parents,” Ashido averted his eyes, looking nervous. “Like, of course it wasn’t that, but we knew there was something going on.”

“Ah,” He replied weakly, looking away.

He felt dumb and pathetic and like a failure. All he wanted to do was keep the people he cared about from worrying over him again, and it seemed like he still did it anyways. He took a deep breath and tried to break away from Kirishima’s embrace again.

“Dude, come on, I wanna say something,” He said, pushing the redhead away.

“Don’t wanna,” His friend replied not budging from his hold.

Katsuki sighed and moved his hands down to Kirishima’s sides. “You’re leaving me no choice,” He said before starting to tickle him.

Kirishima yelped and immediately separated himself from Katsuki, falling off the bed and knocking down the lamp from the bedside table in the process. Katsuki ignored him and sat up straighter on the bed, looking at his friends and feeling a bit nervous and uncomfortable.

“I- I’m sorry. About worrying you. I guess I just felt like I could do it on my own and didn’t feel the need to bother you guys with my shit. Again. So, um. I’m sorry. Forgive me?” He finished, a bit awkwardly. It was one thing to say sorry to his boyfriend but another to say it to the people he insulted on the daily.

“You know you don’t have to go through this on your own, right?” Kaminari ask, after a bit of silence, his voice a bit wobbly.

“Yeah, I… I know that now.”

“Good,” Ashido said before launching herself forwards to hug him. “Because we’re your friends and we’ll help you no matter what,” She said, sniffing. Katsuki patted her in the back awkwardly.

“But also don’t lie to us,” Sero added.

“I won’t,” He said chuckling a bit. “Thanks.”

“Group hug!” Kirishima suddenly yelled, and there was a weight over him, and then another and another and one more, ending in Katsuki pinned on the bed by four heavy bodies. It was uncomfortable and his legs were bent in a weird position, but he was laughing and he felt so fucking relieved that his friends were so forgiving and kind that he didn’t even mind about the bruises that were probably going to appear next morning on the place someone’s knees and elbows were digging into his sides.

“Um, should we be doing this after what happened?” He heard Sero’s cautious voice somewhere above him.

“Oh my god, we’re gonna kill him,” Kirishima yelped.

Everyone scrambled away quickly and suddenly there were hands helping him up and all of them were looking at him as if he might die, constantly asking him if he was okay. He frowned and angrily pushed Kaminari’s hand on his forehead away, apparently checking his temperature and flicked Kirishima in the ear when the guy tried to give him another hug.

“Fucking stop it,” He growled. “Just because I have cancer doesn’t mean I’m gonna die. Idiots,” He said huffing and crossing his arms over his chest, glaring at all of them. “You’re not allowed to wallow.”

“Ah, right. Todoroki said something about that,” Sero said sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck.

“Then what the fuck? I’m not some weakling that’s gonna let this step-back affect me. I’m just a bit behind now, but I’ll catch up, alright? So you can all stop staring at me as if every little thing is gonna make me kick the bucket.”

The four of them stared at him as if he had said the craziest thing they’ve ever heard.

“Step-back?” Ashido whispered.

“So, get on with the program,” He replied irritably.

“Oookay,” Kaminari said after some silence. “In the spirit of not wallowing I want to say that Kirishima ate your left-over food.”

“Kaminari, what the fuck?!”

“Fucking Shitty Hair, I’ve told you to ask first if you’re gonna grab something!”

“You were like in a coma, how was I supposed to ask?!”

“It wasn’t a coma, dumbass” Sero added, snickering. “It was a seizure.”

“Yes, but he was in a coma after that.”

Ashido slapped Kirishima’s head. “Stupid. It wasn’t a coma, that’s a different thing.”

“How?”

“Uh, not sure,” She said, scratching her hair, thinking.

“A coma is when you’re like a broccoli,” Added Kaminari.

Sero burst into laughter and Katsuki shook his head, trying to repress his own laughter because he was supposed to be mad, but a small smile escaped him anyways.

It felt good have all the people he cared about know.

--

Being back at the dorms was weird. Deku had told him that mostly everyone had seen him have a seizure but only Kirishima, Todoroki and Deku, who were the ones that went to the hospital with Aizawa, knew about his cancer. They hadn’t told anyone else, thankfully, but it was still quite clear that there was something wrong with him and the rest of the class knew that. As soon as he came back everyone had given him wary looks and concerned stares. Jirou had been way too polite when they talked, Yaoyoruzu even asked him how he was feeling, and Iida hadn’t scolded him for wearing the school uniform incorrectly in the two days he had been back. Everyone was acting like they had to be careful around him and he hated it. Until he was literally forced to stop going to school and train, he was gonna do it and there was no reason for people to act so weird about it.

He had spent most of his time trying to catch up on his homework, which was a fucking lot, and it was taking twice the time because the shaking of his hands was getting more annoying by the day. The seizure medication was really making itself known by messing even more with his vision, his balance, and his coordination. He now didn’t know if he was feeling nauseous due to the headache pills, his cancer, the seizure pills, or his radiotherapy treatment. But he powered through it. He refused to spend time complaining or letting dumb side effects mess with what little he had of his normal life left any further. If he felt dizzy then he sat down and did homework, if his hands were too shaky then he would read and wait until they were better and if he felt nauseous then he would throw up and then keep going.

Now that everything was out in the open, Deku had taken to spend every free moment he had with Katsuki. He was, thankfully, behaving pretty much normally and wasn’t wallowing anymore, but he was still obviously affected by it and he could tell in the way Deku would sometimes reach out and hold his hand out of nowhere, or how he sometimes would just look at him without saying anything for some time with such big vulnerable green eyes, or how he needed to be touching Katsuki if they were ever remotely close. It was something he could deal with so Katsuki didn’t say anything when it happened. His friends had taken to spend more time with him too, which was nice, but they had a harder time grasping the concept of Not Wallowing, so he often found himself shooting small explosions at their faces to make them stop staring at him like he was on his death bed. It worked, so he kept doing it.

Today he was in the library, working on more homework because he was still really behind, and he probably wouldn’t be able to concentrate once he had his session tomorrow. He didn’t notice that there was someone sitting in front of him until the person cleared its throat. He looked up and was surprised when he found Todoroki, staring at him with that dumb expression he always had, looking if a bit nervous to be there.

“Hey,” He greeted amicably. “What’s up? Haven’t talked in a while.”

Todoroki frowned for a second, looking preoccupied about something but he quickly schooled his expression back to normal, leaving Katsuki confused at the sudden shift of mood.

“I was studying with Momo and I saw you here. Thought I’d come to check on you.”

Katsuki huffed. “I don’t need you checking on me. I’m still fine.”

“Yeah, well,” Todoroki shrugged. “I still remember you almost fainting on me after your last radiotherapy session so I’m just trying to make sure. Also, last time I saw you, you could barely talk,” He added a bit teasingly.

Katsuki felt a bit embarrassed remembering how many times he had panicked when he was talking to Todoroki in the hospital, but at this point the guy had seen him during practically his worst panic attack, so it didn’t even bother him that much.

“Ugh, shut up, that was awful.”

Todoroki smiled mockingly at him. “How are your sessions going? Have you gone this week?”

Katsuki’s expression turned into one of despair, remembering his current schedule for his treatment. He thumped his head against the desk miserably.

“I don’t even wanna talk about those,” He replied, voice muffled by the table.

“Why?”

He thumped his head once more before looking up at him in hopelessness.

“I need to get four fucking sessions a week now.”

Todoroki winced sympathetically. “Really?”

“Apparently, my tumor’s one tough motherfucker and it won’t die,” He said bitterly, slumping his shoulders.

“Huh, kinda like you.”

Katsuki laughed. “Idiot. I’m not common, though.”

“Yes, but you won’t die, right?”

Katsuki smiled feeling a bit of affection towards Todoroki, he was really living up to the No Wallowing rule.

“Of course I won’t. Who do you think I am?”

“Obviously not your tumor,” Todoroki replied smiling.

Katsuki laughed again and opened his mouth to answer him but a voice interrupted them.

“Hey, Kacchan! Sorry for taking-” Deku’s voice faltered when he seemed to notice Todoroki sitting in front of Katsuki. “…so long,” He finished, sounding hesitant.

“Hi,” He said staring puzzled at his boyfriend’s sudden change of behavior.

“Ah, um. I think I’m gonna go,” Todoroki said quickly, grabbing his bag from the floor and moving to stand up from the chair.

Deku looked at Todoroki with wide nervous eyes and Katsuki frowned, staring at their interaction.

“Um, see you around,” Todoroki said at him, and then sent a fleeting nervous gaze towards Deku. “Bye Midoriya.”

“Wait.”

Todoroki paused in his walk and stood stiff, very obviously avoiding Deku’s eyes. He looked like he couldn’t wait to run away from the situation. Katsuki turned his head to stare at Deku, and his boyfriend was also awfully stiff and was fidgeting with his hoodie string, looking uncomfortable and also like he wanted to run away.

“Wait,” He repeated, narrowing his eyes at the both of them. “Are you guys like, in a fight?”

“Of course no-”

“Maybe-”

They both shut their mouths at the same time and Katsuki refrained himself from thumping his head against the table again.

“What the fuck? What’s going on with you two?”

Todoroki shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “Listen, I’ll just go and you guys can talk about it-”

“No,” Katsuki interrupted, turning his eyes to Deku. “Why are you fighting?”

Deku frowned, looking as if he didn’t know exactly what to say.

“We’re not fighting, we just, uh, had a disagreement over some stuff.”

“Seriously, Bakugou, I can just leave-”

“Shut it,” Katsuki felt his heart drop in guilt. “Was it because of me?”

“Of course not, Kacchan!” Deku hurried to say.

“Don’t lie, nerd. It was, wasn’t it?” He asked, looking at Todoroki.

The guy didn’t say anything but the way his eyes traveled nervously over the room told him the answer anyways.

Katsuki did thumped his head against the table this time, groaning. He felt like all he did was mess up things even when he was trying his hardest to not do it. He raised his head after a few seconds and found Todoroki staring at him somewhat amused and Deku looking at him concerned.

“Is it because he didn’t tell you about my tumor?” He asked Deku.

“I- that’s not- it wasn’t because of you-”

“Deku,” He interrupted again. “Please, I know you. It was that, right?”

Deku slumped his shoulders resignedly. “I wouldn’t say it was because of you. It’s between us.”

Katsuki snorted. “Yeah, right,” He sighed and looked at his boyfriend straight in the eye. “Deku, if you’re gonna be mad at someone, be mad at me-”

“I am mad at you.”

“Well, then take it out on me. It’s not IcyHot’s fault that I practically forced him to keep it a secret.”

Deku frowned. “Even if you did force him, Kacchan, he should’ve told me. I’m your boyfriend, I could’ve helped more-”

“Um,” Todoroki softly interrupted. “It was not my secret to tell.”

Deku frowned even harder, turning to glare at Todoroki. “Todoroki-kun, you’re one of my best friends. How would you feel if I hid a secret like this from you? Especially if it has to do with the well-being of someone important to you?”

“I get it, and I’m sorry,” Todoroki replied, still calm, but he was starting to look more agitated. “But it didn’t feel fair to betray someone’s trust on something as big as that.”

“That’s exactly the reason why you break someone’s trust! To make sure they’re okay!”

“But I was making sure he was okay! I just respected what he asked of me-”

“Not letting me know was making sure he was okay? That makes no sense-”

“Stop it, oh my god,” Katsuki said, frustrated. He turned his head to look at Todoroki. “Okay, maybe you should leave.”

“Bye.”

Todoroki didn’t have to be told twice and he promptly turned around.

“Come on, sit down,” He told his boyfriend, who was still looking irritated by the whole thing.

“We’re not fighting,” He said defensively while plopping down on the chair next to him.

“Looked like a fight to me.”

“It’s just a disagreement.”

“Deku,” He said patiently. “Wanna know what I think?”

Deku narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “What?”

“I think you’re mad at me.”

“I am.”

“Yes, but you’re not really showing it, are you?”

Deku averted his eyes. “I- I can’t, not while you-”

“You can. You’re allowed to be mad. I messed up. Real bad.”

Deku huffed. “Yeah.”

Katsuki grabbed Deku’s hand. “I’m sorry, I really am,” He said softly, feeling the truth of those words drip into his voice. “But I also know that it’s not healthy for you to ignore your feelings just because I’m sick. Besides, it’s not Todoroki’s fault he didn’t tell you. He wanted me to tell you, he even said that he would tell you himself if I didn’t do it soon. He was just being a good friend, keeping my secret.”

Deku said nothing for a while, he seemed to be thinking about Katsuki’s words.

“He really said that?”

“Yeah. That asshole,” He added teasingly. “I think you should both talk.”

“I… yeah, maybe.”

Katsuki squeezed Deku’s hand. “Next time take it out on me. I’m the one that messed up.”

“You don’t get it, Kacchan. I’m… I’m so mad. You should’ve told me since the beginning, I deserved to know. And when I think about it I just- I get so angry at you and at the world, for causing this situation in the first place. But I also wanna be with you all the time, to make sure you’re okay because I’m mad but I still love you so much that I just- I don’t know what to do or how to feel,” Deku finished, sounding frustrated and angry but mostly sad.

Katsuki swallowed his urge to cry and just kept on holding Deku’s hand in a firm grip.

“You know,” He said after a bit of silence. “You can yell at me if you want. I won’t judge you. In fact, I encourage it. Whenever you feel like you’re angry at me you can tell me and we can fight about it. You know how much I love a good fight.”

“I can’t fight you.”

“Of course you can. I’m giving you permission-”

“Hey, I don’t need permission-”

“So if you’re mad, tell me, and we’ll fight about it. And then we’ll kiss.”

Deku snorted. “Kiss?”

“Yes, because even though you’re angry at me you still love me, so we won’t be in a fight after that. And maybe you can like, release some of your frustrations that way. We can always try angry sex if it doesn’t work.”

Deku laughed properly this time. “You always say that when we’re fighting.”

Katsuki kissed his cheek. “What can I say, it always works,” Deku rolled his eyes and Katsuki smiled widely at him. “You will talk to Todoroki?”

Deku sighed. “Fine.”

“Good,” He said, before thinking about returning to his homework.

“So,” Deku added when he was about to get to it. “Todoroki’s your friend now?”

Katsuki felt his cheeks get warm. “What?”

“He totally is, you even said it.”

“I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did, Kacchan. I’m a witness.”

“Shut up. He’s not.”

“He so is.”

“Stop it.”

“No. You have a new friend now.”

Katsuki pushed Deku off the chair.

Chapter Text

“How long have you been together?”

Katsuki frowned at the unexpected question but answered anyways.

“Like a year and a bit, I think.”

“That’s like. A lot.”

“I guess,” He replied closing his eyes, he wasn’t looking forward to getting off the bed.

“So you met at U.A.?”

“Nah. I’ve known him since we were little kids.”

“Then how come you only got together so recently?”

Katsuki opened his eyes again, sighing. He was so fucking tired, and his head hurt, but not in like a holy-shit-I’m-dying way, and more in like a I-spent-the-whole-night-studying way. He also felt like throwing up.

“We didn’t really talk until we came to U.A.,” He answered resignedly, struggling to sit up.

Takumi rushed to help him, holding his arms to help him up.

“Really? Why’s that?”

“We had some issues.”

“What issues?”

Katsuki glared at Takumi and leaped off the bed, stumbling on his feet.

“Can you, like, mind your own business?”

“I’m distracting you!” Takumi complained, grabbing his arms again to steady him. “Things get crappier around the third week of treatment.”

“By asking me about my boyfriend?”

“I’m just curious. Besides I thought he was fake this whole time!”

Katsuki ignored him and walked towards the bathroom in very slow movements, Takumi hovering by his side in case he needed help.

“Is he good to you?”

“…yeah.”

“And he’s hot.”

Katsuki pushed him away half-heartedly since he had barely any energy to do it properly.

“Stay away from him.”

“Relax. It’s you I’m hitting on, remember?”

Katsuki shook his head, feeling more amused than annoyed and then proceeded to close the bathroom door on his face. When he got out, Takumi was waiting for him with a water bottle on his hands.

“You look pretty crappy today,” He said, offering him the water bottle.

“Thanks,” Katsuki said rolling his eyes and taking a sip. His throat hurt.

“Your boyfriend’s here.”

Katsuki narrowed his eyes. “Did you bother him?”

“Of course not!” He said offended.

“Good,” He answered while walking towards the reception a bit slowly. All of his limbs felt heavy and he had to stop every few steps to control his urge to throw up, Takumi waiting patiently by his side every time.

“He really doesn’t like me, does he?” Takumi asked wincing.

“Well, would you like someone that flirts with your boyfriend?”

“But that’s our thing!” He whined, pouting.

Katsuki raised his eyebrows. “Our thing, is it?”

“Yeah. I flirt, you insult me. It’s the highlight of my day.”

Katsuki snorted. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”

“Ah, there it is,” Takumi said, sighing pleased. “Just what I like.”

Katsuki laughed and rolled his eyes at the nurse, he was about to call him a weirdo when he got interrupted.

“Kacchan!”

Deku was by his side immediately, darting his eyes all over him as if to check he was still in one piece. This was his first time accompanying Katsuki to one of his sessions and he was clearly all over the place because of that. The night before, Katsuki had found him writing in a notebook that looked similar to Katsuki’s Making Cancer My Bitch notebook and when he peeked over Deku’s shoulder he saw him writing down even more information about his treatment and his tumor, even though Katsuki was pretty sure that he had already researched everything important at the time.

“Guess I missed some information,” He had commented a little disconcerted, watching as Deku filled a page titled The side effects of radiotherapy.

“I need to talk to your doctor,” Deku had said urgently, looking up from his notes at Katsuki with a paranoid expression on his face.

“Why?”

“I read that treating your tumor with radiotherapy can give you a second tumor,” He answered sounding distraught and moving his eyes all over his notes, frantically adding some stuff here and there.

Katsuki frowned. “That can’t be right.”

Deku proceeded to show him the many, many sites that indicated that that was, in fact, correct.

“Huh,” He had said. “Well, shit.”

Next day, first thing that Deku had done when they got to the Radiation Vault was talk to Amari about the possibility of getting a second tumor. Amari proved to be very patient and answered the gigantic amount of questions that Deku had written down on his notebook, assuring him that the probability of actually developing a second tumor was very low and only happened in very rare cases. Deku had looked a bit calmer after that but he was still pretty nervous when Katsuki left to get his treatment done, looking like he wanted nothing but to go inside with Katsuki.

“Hi,” Katsuki said to Deku, hugging him. He leaned on Deku more than usual and hugged him as tight as his weak body allowed him to.

Deku hugged him back just as tight and even lifted him up a bit, so Katsuki wasn’t supporting his whole weight on his own.

“Hi,” He repeated, kissing the top of his head. “How are you feeling?”

“Couldn’t be better, really,” He replied, not making any effort on standing on his own.

Deku chuckled. “Of course. You sure look it,” He said softly, hugging him closer.

“You guys are so cute. It’s disgusting.”

As soon as Takumi stopped talking, Deku turned around to look at him, leaving Katsuki unable to look at the nurse and he winced. Fucking Takumi.

“Listen here, Takumi, there’s some things I wanna make clear-”

“Deku-”

“Let me talk, Kacchan-”

Katsuki pushed away from Deku’s embrace, trying to distract him.

“Deku, come on-”

“You can’t flirt with my boyfriend!” Deku interjected agitated, ignoring him. “That’s- that’s so unprofessional! What kind of nurse flirts with a patient-?!”

“Okay, sorry, sorry, I’m gonna leave!” Takumi said quickly, raising his arms in surrender. “See you tomorrow, Bakugou,” He said with a weird grin on his face, and then fucking winked at him before fleeing the room. Again.

Katsuki slapped a hand over his face and sighed. Couldn’t really expect something else from Takumi. Deku looked like he was battling between going after Takumi and kicking him in the shins or staying with Katsuki.

“What’s his problem?!” He asked after a bit, looking outraged.

“Let’s just go,” Katsuki said grabbing Deku’s hand and dragging him towards the elevator. “I don’t wanna throw up in here.”

That got Deku sufficiently distracted and they both went to the elevator. Katsuki had to lean on Deku for most of the time because he was struggling on keeping his eyes open with how fucking exhausted he felt. He had to convince Deku to not carry him back to the dorms and his boyfriend reluctantly agreed, insisting on holding his waist the whole way there. Deku held him carefully and firmly and ranted about stupid Takumi, who does he think he is and did you know that people used to call cancer crab? Well, something like that, I don’t remember that well, it was because of some Greek word thing, hah, imagine if people still called it that, they would say hey, I’ve got crabs- wait.

Having Deku with him felt like home and he was so fucking glad to have that constant worrying and guilt that used to loom over him before finally disappear. Even if that meant having to listen to his boyfriend rant about STD’s for the whole walk back to the dorms, because if it was with Deku he would hear it all over again.

When they got back to the dorms, there was thankfully not a lot of people in the living room, so they were able to sneak to Deku’s room without anyone wondering why he looked like he had just gotten his ass beaten. As soon as he was in bed, Katsuki closed his eyes and fell asleep with the feeling of Deku’s fingers threading through his hair.

--

Having cancer sucks, he thought a week later, as he threw up for the fifth time that week. Not only it sucked because it was a fucking inconvenience, but it also sucked because he had all this side effects to deal with that affected his other side effects. It was fucking annoying. For example, his throat hurt because of his radiotherapy sessions, which in consequence made his throwing up a lot more hard and painful than it should be. And he was always tired but actually getting to sleep was hard because his seizure pills made him have heart palpitations out of nowhere. It was an overall shitty experience and he could tell that he had very little left of his normal life. He had to skip two days of classes already because he was just too tired to go to them and pay attention after his treatment and working on homework was also a whole fucking deal when he was struggling to keep his eyes open and his vision was mediocre at best.

He straightened up and got up from the toilet, flushing it before leaving the stall. He rinsed his mouth and splashed his face with cold water, feeling like shit. He had left in the middle of a lesson as soon as he had felt his stomach churning and Aizawa didn’t even said anything to him when he quickly left the classroom, since he already knew of his side effects. When he got out of the bathroom, Deku was waiting outside, holding a water bottle and some mints.

“You don’t have to leave class every time I do,” Said Katsuki rolling his eyes but grabbing the stuff from Deku anyways.

Deku reached out and gently combed a hand through his hair. “I do! What if you get lost?”

“Idiot,” Katsuki said frowning. “You’re gonna miss class.”

Deku shrugged. “That’s fine, I can afford to miss a little bit of class, I’m in fourth place.”

“And I’m in second.”

“See? We’re smart, there’s nothing to worry about.”

Katsuki shook his head, fond.

“Idiot,” He said again, smiling.

Deku smiled back at him and grabbed his hand, walking back to the classroom. They entered the room after Aizawa gave them permission and took their seats, receiving some questioning looks from some of their classmates. Katsuki knew they were starting to get suspicious about his sudden absents to class but no one had actually said anything yet, which was good. Aizawa had stopped his lesson a little bit after they had come back, saying that he had an announcement to make.

“It’s finally time to discuss a topic that I’m sure will excite many of you,” Aizawa said in his most bored voice, stepping on the podium looking like he wanted to be anywhere but there. “You’re all in your last year of school, which means you’re practically pros at this point. As your teacher it’s in my top priority to make sure you graduate with all the necessary experience in the field, which means that it’s time for you to get involved more in the type of situations that a real pro hero would experience. So, with that, I inform you that your first internships of the year will be starting next month.”

An excited chatter and whooping broke into the class immediately after Aizawa’s words. Everyone was cheering or talking excitedly about the thrill of starting an internship in their last year, since they would now be able to do things that real pro hero would do in a villain attack without the same type of supervision. It took a long time for Aizawa to get everyone calm again before he could continue speaking, discussing the procedure to choose an agency. Katsuki didn’t really listen after that, too busy dealing with the strong feeling of hopelessness settle on his chest. He hadn’t really thought about internships so far, but it was pretty obvious he was not going to take part in them. At least not now, with the rest of his classmates. Not when he could barely focus, not when his hands shook like crazy, and not when he felt dizzy and fucking exhausted every time he used his quirk for more than half an hour.

Having cancer really fucking sucks, he thought again, looking as his classmates wrote down everything Aizawa was saying and looked attentively to their teacher. He swallowed his bitterness and tried to convince himself that just because he was going to be behind, it didn’t mean that he was not gonna do it.

It did little to reassure him, but it would have to do.

--

Later that week, they were in hero training and Katsuki was feeling pretty good. On his last session, Amari had told him that he could try not taking a pill for his headaches because the treatment was meant to ease his cancer symptoms at least a little. Katsuki had eagerly tried it and it turned out that he no longer got an excruciating headache once a day. Sure, he still sometimes felt his head heavy and his left eye a bit small, but it wasn’t near as bad as it was before. His side effects from all of his other shit were still thriving though, but some days he just felt right and pretty much normal if he ignored the constant tiredness that followed him around all the time. Today was one of those days. They were doing something simple and Aizawa hadn’t forbid him on taking part on the exercise so far, which was a bit surprising given the fact that most of the time Katsuki was slower than usual and missed his target a few times, but he was grateful nonetheless.

The exercise consisted in retrieving flags from the other team, and the team that captured the most flags was the winner, it was focused mainly on speed and strategy and it didn’t involve that much of a physical strain. Pretty easy if Katsuki said so himself. He was already discussing strategies with Jirou, who had been paired with him along with Aoyama and Tsuyu, that could be effective against their opponent team when Deku suddenly approached him, looking nervous.

“What?” Katsuki asked confused.

Deku grabbed his hand and pulled him away from everyone in a corner of the room.

“Kacchan…” Deku stopped to bite his lip and he looked away fidgeting with his gloves.

“What?” Asked Katsuki again, frowning. “What’s wrong?”

“I- well, I just- I was thinking and- I feel like- that is, I think that, it would be best if you… um, didn’t do the exercise?” Deku finished quickly, looking uncomfortable.

Katsuki blinked at his boyfriend.

“What?”

“I know! I know that you said you were feeling fine but what if something goes wrong? What if someone hits you too hard or what if you get dizzy and fall while you’re in the air? I just- there are so many things that could go wrong, it’s too dangerous.”

Katsuki couldn’t say anything for a bit, feeling too baffled to answer.

“I’m actually fine today,” Katsuki answered, confused. “I’m taking meds so I won’t have another seizure and I no longer get random headaches that could affect my performance during the exercise. Like yeah, my aim’s a bit shit at the moment but I can still fucking fight,” He finished, trying to calmly explain to Deku his reasoning.

“Kacchan, that doesn’t matter, your illness is very unpredictable, something could go wrong at any moment, I just don’t think it’s safe for you to do it-”

“Aizawa hasn’t even said anything. And he knows about my cancer, too.”

“Yes, but I don’t think he’s considering how dangerous this situation could be!”

Katsuki took a deep breath and put both hands over Deku’s shoulders, squeezing them.

“Deku, I get that last time I was in training things were kind of shitty, but I’m taking meds now, so something like that won’t happen again. Besides, it’s not even that hard of an exercise, it’s just about speed and defense and you know how good I am at kicking ass. And finally, after what feels like a long fucking time, I don’t feel like throwing up my intestines at the moment, so I actually think that I can-”

“I’m not letting you!” Deku suddenly interrupted, talking loudly over Katsuki.

Katsuki dropped his hands from Deku’s shoulders and frowned.

“You’re not letting me?” He asked flatly, Deku immediately blushed and looked away for a few seconds.

“I…no, I’m not letting you,” He said softly, but not backing off from his ridiculous statement.

“What are you gonna do? Fight me? Fucking tie me up so I won’t go out in the field?” Katsuki asked hastily, starting to feel the anger form at the pit of his stomach.

“I-I… well, it would be easier if you just accepted it-”

“You’re ridiculous,” He said, trying his hardest no to scream. “You can’t force me to do anything! I told you that I’m fine today. I can do this.”

“You don’t get it! What if you hit your head? What if you get another concussion? We don’t know what would happen then!”

“I can fucking fight, Deku. Last time I was having a fucking seizure so I couldn’t exactly focus completely on the exercise, that’s not gonna happen today. You know I can do this,” He said fiercely.

“We don’t know that! It’s too dangerous! I can’t- I can’t let you do this!”

Katsuki took a deep breath and then hastily grabbed Deku’s arm, Deku yelped at the sudden movement but Katsuki ignored him, walking towards Aizawa. His teacher eyed them both warily when they were in front of him and he dropped Deku’s arm.

“Am I allowed to do this exercise?”

Aizawa frowned. “What?”

“Can I do this exercise?” He asked again, impatiently. “You said that if you felt that I couldn’t complete any exercises that you would pull me out of training. So, can I do this?”

Aizawa moved his eyes from Deku to Katsuki and then seemed to understand what was happening.

“I’ve been talking with Recovery Girl and your doctor and they seem to think that as long as you’re not feeling too tired and you’re not experiencing any incapacitating symptoms, you should be able to do small physical exercises, such as the one today.”

“Great,” He said coldly, and promptly turned around and walked away.

He didn’t get very far since Deku rushed towards him and grabbed his arm.

“Kacchan.”

“You fucking heard him,” Katsuki said, angrily.

“Kacchan, I just don’t think it’s a good idea, what if- what if you-”

“What if I what, Deku? What are you trying to say?”

“You’re too impulsive!” Deku said loudly, sounding angry too. “You’re hot-headed and you’re too competitive! What if you suddenly decide to throw a big explosion and you hurt yourself? Or what if you’re suddenly too angry and decide to do it all on your own and then you get hurt?! It’s too dangerous!”

Katsuki said nothing for a few seconds, feeling his heart beating loudly against his chest, he saw as Deku seemed to realize what he had just said, and his expression shifted to a guilty one.

“Do you think I’m still like that?” He asked quietly, after a while and Deku looked at him with a regretful expression. “You really think I haven’t changed in the last two fucking years? I’ve worked hard on my flaws and I know how to fucking work with a team. I thought you knew that, I’m not the same-” He interrupted himself and took a deep angry breath, shaking Deku’s hold on his arm. “I’m doing this, whether you like it or not. Sorry.”

He turned around and walked towards Jirou and Tsuyu, that were both looking at him warily, he ignored Deku calling out to him and threw an I’ll-kill-you-if-you-say-anything look at them, they had to move towards the observation room soon so the first teams could start the exercise, and Aizawa was already calling everyone to get into place. He was grateful that Deku was one of the first teams because it meant that he would leave him alone for a bit.

“Let’s just go, already, where the fuck is Aoyama?” He grunted.

“Uh, he went to the bathroom,” Answered Jirou a bit hesitant. “Is everything alright?”

“Fucking great,” He replied angrily and refused to look back, where Deku was walking towards his spot.

--

Katsuki was fucking right, of course. They had won the exercise in less than the fifteen minutes that Aizawa had assigned to each team and he had barely even fought anyone. It was a fucking piece of cake and they would’ve won sooner if it weren’t for his shitty aim. Still, once he was done he was left feeling mostly frustrated at Deku because he didn’t seem to trust Katsuki to handle his own illness. He fucking knew when he couldn’t do something, like the damn internships, for example. He got that he was worried but Deku couldn’t seem to get that these were his last chances to even feel as a part of hero class.

He was in the locker room, changing out of his hero costume, and trying his hardest to not go looking for Deku. He knew he was acting a bit childish, but he had fucking cancer and he decided to cut himself a little slack because of that. He hadn’t talked to Deku since he went to do the exercise and after that Deku hadn’t tried to talk to him again, even when Katsuki left with his team and glanced shortly at Deku, who was giving him a concerned, but at the same time, annoyed look. Katsuki had ignored him and he went with his team anyway.

“Everything okay, dude?”

Katsuki paused in his process of taking of his gloves and turned his head to look at Kaminari, who was staring warily at him.

“I heard you got in a fight with Midoriya.”

Katsuki huffed and continued to take off his gloves.

“I’m fine,” He said, not sounding fine at all.

“Alright,” Kaminari said clearly not believing him. “So none of you are sulking because you guys aren’t talking.”

“That’s right,” Katsuki said flatly as he removed his costume shirt.

“Ookay, bro, whatever you say,” Kaminari said shrugging. “Just so you know, he’s looking quite sad about your fight.”

“Then he should apologize.”

Kaminari sighed. “Fine, be like that, I just hope you guys make up soon, your coffee sucks when you’re angry.”

Katsuki threw his discarded shirt at Kaminari and the blond yelped.

“Okay, okay, I’m shutting up now!” Kaminari said defensively, moving to remove his own hero costume.

That night Katsuki had gone to bed alone and he missed his boyfriend desperately, but he was feeling too mad to be the first one to apologize and the words you’re too hot-headed, you’re too impulsive, you’re too angry kept circling on his head and he refused to go to Deku’s room first. He was gonna show Deku what hot-headed and too angry really meant.

Twenty minutes later he was getting up the bed and walking out of his room. He pressed the button to the elevator and covered his face with his hands while he waited, pondering on how pathetic he was for missing his boyfriend so much even if it was for one night. When he heard the doors sliding open, he removed his hands from his face and found himself staring at Deku standing in front of him on his pajamas. He couldn’t help the smile that took over his face and Deku sheepishly returned it and scratched the back of his neck. They were really such a mess.

“Huh, what a coincidence, seeing you here. Did you perhaps come to talk to Kirishima? Or Shouji? I was just going down to see if that purple ball wanted to hang out.”

Deku laughed and stepped out of the elevator, standing very close to Katsuki. Katsuki instinctively reached out and fisted one hand on Deku’s shirt and then Deku was moving and they were both hugging, holding each other tightly.

“I’m sorry,” Said Deku, with a wobbly voice.

“Me too,” Katsuki answered, holding him tighter. “I know you worry; I should’ve been more understanding.”

“I shouldn’t’ve called you all those things. I know you’ve changed, and you’ve come such a long way and I’m so proud of you. I’m the hot-headed one!”

“You’re not,” Katsuki said chuckling a bit. “I kind of am all of those things.”

“You’re not!”

“Just a little bit.”

“I don’t want anything bad to happen to you,” Deku said against his neck. “And bad things keep happening and I just wish I could control it!”

“I know,” Katsuki said softly. “I won’t be going to an internship.”

“What?” Deku pulled away to look at him, confused. “Why not?”

Katsuki laughed. “Do you really think I can go when I’m such a mess?”

“B-but-”

“That would not only put my life at risk, but also anyone that I try to help.”

Deku was looking at him in dismay, like he didn’t know what to do or say.

“What I mean is,” Katsuki said as he hugged Deku again, bringing them close. “I know my limits, and I really do get that you’re worried. If I was you, I would be losing my shit. But I’m aware of what I can and can’t do. Do you get it?”

Deku slowly nodded. “I get it.”

Katsuki squeezed him harder. “Good.” He pulled away and grabbed Deku’s hand. “Sleep with me?”

Deku smiled brightly at him and kissed his forehead. “Of course.”

--

Later, Katsuki realized that his normal life was pretty much over.

He started to notice when he was hanging out with his friends. They were having lunch together as they usually did, when Sero had asked them if someone wanted anything from the cafeteria, since he was going over there.

“Yes, I want-” Katsuki’s words died in his mouth.

“Yes?” Asked Sero, impatiently.

“I want-” Katsuki frowned. “I want… It’s white?”

Kaminari snorted. “You mean salt?”

“Shit, yeah. That’s what I mean,” Katsuki answered, shaking his head. He must’ve been distracted or something.

“Sure thing, bud,” Sero had said before walking away.

Next time it happened he was with Deku on his room. He was quizzing him on their next Laws and Heroism test. He was laying down on Deku’s bed and his boyfriend had his legs up on the bed, but his upper body was resting on the ground. Katsuki kept a hand around Deku’s ankle just because he could.

“What are the regulations for using your quirk when you’re not a hero and are faced against a dangerous situation?”

“You already asked that,” Deku answered amused.

Katsuki frowned. “Shit, sorry,” He had said and continued to ask Deku a different question.

A few moments later, Katsuki had asked Deku another question and when Deku didn’t immediately answer him, Katsuki lifted himself in his elbows to look down at Deku, mockingly.

“Hah, you owe me dinner. Please, don’t actually cook me dinner because I think you would explode the entire dorm, but metaphorically speaking, you owe me dinner. The quirk regulations are-”

“Kacchan, you already asked me that question,” Deku said, looking at him, with a confused expression.

Katsuki frowned feeling confused, he didn’t exactly remember doing that, but he must’ve done it if Deku said so. He shook his head and sat up on the bed.

“I think I’m too tired for this.”

Deku immediately got up and told him they could watch a movie instead. Katsuki agreed but he was still feeling a bit odd. He shrugged it off and focused on the movie.

Unfortunately, small things like that kept happening after that. He kept forgetting the name of simple things like brush or glass. And his friends or Deku sometimes told him that he had said the same thing twice, even though he couldn’t recall doing it. He was guessing that it was the mix of his meds, his cancer and his treatment that had him so distracted.

It wasn’t until he spoke to Todoroki that he realized how bad it actually was. He had been working on his homework when Todoroki had come to sit next to him to talk for a bit. Everything was fine and he was having one of his Good Days when Todoroki looked down at the table, frowning in confusion when he seemed to notice what Katsuki was working on.

“What?” Asked Katsuki, puzzled.

“Why are you doing that? You turned in that assignment early last week.”

Katsuki felt his mouth dry.

“What?” He asked weakly.

“Yeah, you gave it to me so I could turn it in while you were in one of your sessions,” Todoroki replied.

Katsuki let out a shaky breath.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” Todoroki said frowning. “Did you forget or something?”

“Shit,” He said, swallowing down the knot in his throat.

He couldn’t remember. He had no recollection of ever doing that assignment. It was a long one. He had spent at least an hour now, working on it. And he could not remember, for the life of him when he had supposedly done it. He knew memory loss was one of the symptoms of his cancer but for some reason he never actually considered that he might experience it himself. Which was fucking stupid. Why wouldn’t he have a common symptom associated with his brain tumor? He stared down at his homework for a bit, pondering on what that meant for his life, for his education. It was over. His time was up.

“Um, Bakugou? Are you okay?”

Katsuki looked up to see Todoroki staring at him looking concerned.

“Yeah,” He said, feeling hollow. “I’m okay.”

Chapter Text

Things got harder after that. When he told Deku that he thought he was experiencing memory loss due to his cancer, Deku had very obviously tried his best to not cry his eyes out in front of him and had just hugged him really hard telling him that they were going to figure it out together, and Katsuki pretended not to hear Deku’s quiet sobs at night when they were supposed to be sleeping, even though it broke his heart.

Classes were pretty much useless when he constantly forgot how to write a simple fucking word like consequences and he spent half the lesson racking his brains out to figure out how. Deku had started to pay attention when Katsuki suddenly forgot a word and was quick to say it to him, which was kind on his part but most of the time it made him feel quite useless.

It wasn’t really a surprise that, when he finally told Amari about his shitty memory, she gave him a long and painful explanation about not going to school anymore and definitely no more training either. Katsuki had said nothing, trying to assimilate the fact he was no longer studying or working out or going to class or having a normal life, for that matter. It made him want to wallow more than anything so far, but he pushed that feeling deep into the corners of his mind and tried to think of it as just a small step-back. Again.

He was quiet the whole walk back to the dorms, not only because now his throat and his mouth hurt whenever he talked but also because he was trying his best to not punch the fuck out of anything in his way out of pure frustration. Deku looked worried, as he always did when he thought Katsuki wasn’t looking, but he thankfully said nothing, probably sensing that Katsuki didn’t feel like talking at the moment.

They laid down on the bed, and all of his limbs were achy, he wanted to throw up and his hands hadn’t stop shaking for two days. He was so tired. So fucking tired. He looked around his room, noticing the posts-it that Deku had put all over his walls and possessions that had written on them the names of the things he usually forgot.

“Are you okay?” Deku asked gently, grabbing one of his hands and kissing his knuckles, effectively keeping it still against his mouth.

Katsuki closed his eyes and his mind felt fuzzy.

“I don’t know what’s the point, anymore,” He said with difficulty before falling asleep.

--

Katsuki was sitting grumpily on a bench, watching class 3-A and 3-B train together. He was in one of his last hero training classes but Aizawa had refused vehemently to let him join, having apparently talked his doctor about his new side effect. It fucking sucked, and the only reason he had stayed was because this was probably his last chance to partake in training. He was quickly regretting his decision because all he wanted to do was to be there kicking ass with the rest of his classmates but instead, he was stuck with shaky hands and a constant urge to throw up. Both classes were eyeing him weird when he hadn’t joined them but Aizawa immediately gave them a scolding look and told them to get to work when they tried to ask Katsuki why.

Ashido pinned the green haired girl to the ground with the help of Jirou and Sero, and they all high-fived happily in success, quickly moving to fight another group. Katsuki felt something twist in his stomach at the sight of them and he decided that fuck it, he would rather stay in his room and stare at the ceiling than feel like a fucking outsider instead of a hero. He bit the inside of his cheek and got up from the bench, walking towards the locker rooms to change.

“Leaving already?” A voice interrupted him.

Katsuki gritted his teeth and kept on walking.

“Stay the fuck away from me,” He grunted.

Monoma jumped in front of him, blocking his way. He was disgusting and sweaty because of the training and he had that ugly arrogant glint in his eyes that he always got when he felt like annoying the fuck out of Katsuki.

“Are you too good to be training with us then? Is that it? That’s some cocky behavior,” Monoma said mockingly and fucking loud.

Katsuki clenched his hands into tight fists and tried to keep himself from beating the fuck out of the guy.

“Mind your own fucking business, you piece of shit,” He said lowly and shouldered past him.

“Oh, I see,” Said Monoma with a disgusting tone of realization. Katsuki didn’t stop walking and counted to ten in his head. “You’re afraid!”

Katsuki took a deep, calming breath and flipped Monoma off without turning around.

“Don’t think the whole school hasn’t noticed your shitty performances, lately.”

Katsuki did stop at this and quickly turned around, his heart speeding up.

“Oh, you didn’t know?” Monoma asked in a fake surprised tone, apparently noticing his reaction. “You didn’t know that everyone’s seen how weak you’re now? That the entire school knows how shit of a hero you’ve become? There’s news going around about you not even being able to go the gym anymore. I thought you were supposed to be the best,” Monoma said with an arrogant laugh, taking a step closer.

Katsuki didn’t know what to say. He would usually be already kicking the shit out of the quirk stealing fucker but right now all he could think about was everyone thinking that he wasn’t strong enough to be a hero. Because he wasn’t. He couldn’t even train.

Monoma shot him an ugly smug smile. “So I’m right, then.”

“Shut the fuck up,” He said hoarsely. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t I?” He asked patronizingly. “Then how come you look like shit?”

“Shut up,” He grunted, his voice getting louder.

“How come you’re not training with us?” Monoma kept going, taking another step closer.

“Fucking stop it-”

“Is it because you can’t be a hero anymore? You finally fell under your boyfriend’s shadow-”

“It’s because I have cancer, you annoying fuck, piss off already, god!” He interrupted loudly, before pushing the asshole away and walking away without turning around.

It wasn’t until he reached his room that he realized how loud he had been.

--

He was lying face down on his bed regretting his whole existence when there was a knock on his door. He didn’t even reply because he already knew it was his boyfriend. The door opened and then the bed dipped on the side.

“Hey,” Said Deku.

Katsuki made a noncommittal sound in response.

“How are you feeling?”

“Everyone heard?” He asked, voice muffled by the pillows in which his face was buried.

Deku moved a gentle hand up and down his back.

“If it makes you feel better, Monoma looked like he might faint the instant you stopped talking.”

Katsuki snorted. “Yeah, that does it a bit.”

“Uh,” Deku said after a bit of silence. “I kind of... punched him?”

Katsuki immediately sat up, getting dizzy from the sudden movement but he ignored it in favor of gaping at his boyfriend.

“You did what?!”

“Ah, please don’t get mad!” Deku added quickly. “I was just so angry, and I’ve always wanted to punch that idiot so when you left, I just couldn’t help myself-”

“Are you insane? Of course I’m not mad!”

Deku looked puzzled. “Really?”

“Really,” He said firmly with an amused smile on his face. “You should punch people more often. I wish I had punched that asshole myself.”

“I shouldn’t! It’s not heroic,” Deku said looking a bit sheepish. “He did deserve it, though. What an idiot,” He added, his eyes turning a bit dark with anger.

“Fuck that heroic shit. You should’ve punched me when I used to be a little shit to you.”

“Kacchan!” Deku said alarmed.  “I wouldn’t- that was different.”

“You know I deserved it,” Katsuki said rolling his eyes.

“Ah, I used to be pretty intense,” He replied, scratching the back of his neck looking embarrassed. “It wasn’t exactly uncalled for.”

“Used to?” He added teasingly.

“Shut up! You know I’m not like that anymore,” Deku said defensively, his cheeks turning red immediately.

“But you even have a little stalker notebook.”

“Stop calling it that!”

“Stop writing stalkerish stuff on it,” Katsuki retorted, amused.

“It’s about health!”

“Staring at me while I sleep is about health?”

“I’m not staring-”

“I’ve literally seen you-”

“I’m just checking how many hours of rest you’re getting!” Deku said defensively, his cheeks getting even more flustered.

Katsuki rolled his eyes fondly and laid back down on the bed, feeling the anxiety start to nag at his chest again.

“Um, so everyone knows?”

Deku laid down next to him and took one of his hands. “Not everyone. Tokoyami’s Dark Shadow was distracted, I think,” Deku replied lightly but he could tell his boyfriend was trying to not be too obvious about his concern.

“Fuck,” He said, feeling miserable.

Deku squeezed his hand. “I actually think it’s a good thing. I mean, not Monoma messing with you, he’s an imbecile and he got detention for it, but I think it’s good that the class knows. They all care about you, you know.”

Katsuki huffed. “It’s none of their business.”

“Maybe,” Deku said. “But they still worry.”

Katsuki said nothing and turned on the bed to bury his face on his pillows again.

“This fucking sucks,” He muttered glumly.

Later that day, when he went downstairs with Deku, what looked like the whole class was gathered around in the living room. They were all staring at him with wide and concerned eyes that made Katsuki feel uncomfortable.

Iida stood up and took a step forward towards Katsuki.

“Bakugou-kun! We wanted-”

“No wallowing,” He interrupted loud and firm, and promptly left the room and went to the kitchen.

“What does ‘wallowing’ mean?” He heard Yaoyorozu’s hushed question behind him.

“Let me explain,” Todoroki added calmly and Katsuki repressed the urge to smile at that, feeling grateful, nonetheless.

--

Nothing really changed after that, he still had some classes to go to before his last week of school was over and everyone in class had mostly kept to themselves, it seemed like Todoroki’s explanation about Not Wallowing had worked pretty good, but he still caught some weird glances from some of his classmates and some of them even approached him to tell him that he could count on them if he ever needed help with anything. It was fucking weird and it made him feel uncomfortable, but he managed to be decently polite to everyone.

Today was a Bad Day. He was in the bathroom after his third session of the week and walking was proving to be a very difficult task. Everything was spinning around him and he was starting to think that it had probably been a bad idea to lock the door when he went inside. Deku had a meeting with All Might about his internship so Katsuki was pretty much alone at the moment. Something Amari had very pointedly advised him not to be, which now made sense, because he wasn’t sure he was gonna be able to walk back to his room on his own without stumbling with everything on his way.

His heart was speeding up out of nowhere and he was leaning against a wall with his eyes screwed shut and his hands pressing hard against his temple. He was waiting to feel a little bit less light-headed so he could leave the bathroom, but it seemed like the rest of his body wasn’t really cooperating with him. He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, just breathing deeply and trying to put himself together, but when he finally opened his eyes and looked around and he felt like he was in a dream, he somehow realized that he was gonna have a seizure.

“F-fuck,” He said, with difficulty. Had he taken his meds today?

There was a loud knock on the door and Katsuki jumped, his heart skipping a beat at the sudden sound.

“Bakugou? Please say you’re here or Midoriya is going to have my head on a platter,” A distressed voice came through the door and Katsuki couldn’t quite place it. The knock came again, louder. “Bakugou?”

“I- I’m…here,” He said, trying to speak loudly so the person could hear him.

“Thank god,” Came the relieved voice. “Why is the door locked? Are you okay?”

“I… I don’t think… so,” He replied, weakly. He felt sick to his stomach, but in a different way than when he wanted to throw up.

“What?! Why?! Can you open the door for me?” The frantic voice came again and Katsuki was suddenly able to place it.

“Todoroki?” He asked hesitant.

“Yes, yes, it’s me, can you please open the door?”

“I don’t… think I can,” He replied weakly. He was blinking a lot, he felt like he couldn’t focus on his surroundings. “I think… I think it’s happening again,” He added, but wasn’t sure if Todoroki heard him.

“Oh god, Bakugou, please, just unlock the door and I’ll take you to Recovery Girl, alright? Can you try to do that?”

Katsuki didn’t answer, all he could think about was the fact that he was having a seizure again. Had he taken his meds today? He couldn’t remember. He couldn’t remember anything lately.

“Bakugou, please say something!”

“Todoroki?” He asked, unsure of himself. His body felt stiff and like he couldn’t move it on his own. He was starting to panic, and his breathing was coming out in quick short pants.

“God, fuck! Okay, I’m breaking down the door, just- Bakugou, stay back!”

He heard a really loud sound and then the door was banging open and Todoroki was rushing to his side. That was the las thing he saw before everything went dark.

--

When Katsuki opened his eyes, he was in a similar room to the one he had woken up the last time he had a seizure but this one didn’t have a window. The lights were still too fucking bright, though, and when he looked around the room, he found Takumi staring down at him with a weird grin on his face.

“Welcome back!” The nurse said cheerily.

“Wh-what… th-the… fu..uck…”

He mentally cursed. Not being able to speak was so fucking annoying.

“Before you ask: yes, you did have another seizure, you’ve only been out for like a few couple of hours, your boyfriend and the cute guy with funky hair are waiting outside for you, and this time,” Takumi added smugly, weird grin getting wider. “I can tell you why you had a seizure.”

Katsuki looked away, trying to process everything Takumi was saying and when he finally did, he closed his eyes and groaned in frustration.

“A-another… one…” He complained weakly, he could recall being in the bathroom and feeling like shit and then Todoroki breaking down the door but that was it.

“Yeah, yeah,” Takumi said dismissively. “The reason you had another seizure was because you forgot to take your meds,” He finished with a satisfied smirk.

Katsuki stared blandly at Takumi for a while until the nurse started to fidget under his gaze.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that! That truly is the reason!” The nurse added defensively.

“Use…less…”

“Don’t be mean,” Takumi chastised him. “This one wasn’t as bad as the last one, so you got lucky you only forgot to take your medication for two days.”

Katsuki frowned and he felt his heart drop.

“T-two… days?”

Takumi’s gaze turned softer. “Yeah, that was quite dangerous, Bakugou. I really am glad you’re okay.”

Katsuki frowned even further, feeling weirded out by Takumi’s lack of teasing and flirtatious tone.

“S-stop it…”

Takumi looked at him confused. “Stop what?”

“Being… wei…rd…”

Takumi snorted and rolled his eyes looking amused. “Fine.”

“Are you bothering our patient again, Takumi?” Amari said while walking inside of the room, staring disapprovingly at the nurse.

“I’m not!” He replied indignant.

“He…is,” Katsuki said with a teasing smile.

“I can’t believe you betrayed me,” Takumi said narrowing his eyes at Katsuki.

Amari rolled her eyes at the both of them looking amused before fixing her gaze on Katsuki, her expression turning more serious as she did so.

“How are you feeling, kid?” She asked softly.

“Fine… thirs…ty.”

Takumi went away and returned with a water bottle for him. He seemed to always have one when Katsuki needed it the most. Takumi helped him sit up on the bed and he took a sip of the bottle slowly. He still felt like shit.

“Any pain? Dizziness? Confusion?”

“No… more… than… u-usual.”

“That’s good. We’re glad this seizure wasn’t as serious as the last one,” Amari and Takumi shared a quick look that Katsuki found suspicious and she cleared her throat before continuing talking. “Bakugou, I’m going to suggest something, but I need you to please keep in mind that I’m always putting your health as my top priority, alright?”

Katsuki slowly nodded, feeling nervous at the sudden change of tone.

“Great. Well, I guess you can clearly tell how dangerous it is for you to be left alone in your current state. Just the fact that you forgot to take your medication for two days is enough proof of that, but you were also in great danger when you had a seizure in a place where no one could’ve found you if something were to happen to you. With these types of cancer, we usually recommend the patient to stay home with a family member to look after them, but we can see how this would be quite difficult in your case,” She said wincing a little. “So, what I’m suggesting is for you to stay here, in U.A.’s medical wing. We have a place specifically designed for these types of cases and the building is very well equipped to have you as a temporary permanent resident-”

“W-what… what… does that… mean?”

“It means that you’d be staying here full time but just until your health is good enough for you to be able to be on your own again,” Amari looked at him with big sorrowful eyes. “I know that this isn’t probably what you wanted to hear but we truly believe this would be the best decision for your health.”

Katsuki said nothing, trying to concentrate on his breathing and not having a panic attack. It was fucking hard.

“Why don’t you think about it?” Amari said after a bit of silence. “Your boyfriend and your friends could still visit you as long as you’re okay with it, and that way we could make sure that what happened today doesn’t repeat itself again,” Amari smiled gently at him and reached out to squeeze his shoulder. “This is still your choice, but please keep your health in mind,” She finished with a last compassionate look before walking towards the door.

Takumi, that had stayed quiet throughout the whole conversation, reached out to squeeze his hand.

“The place is actually really cool,” He said quickly. “I help out there pretty often and the rooms have these massive TVs with Netflix included,” He added with a small smile. “Just… really think about it,” He finished with a concerned look that made Katsuki feel weirded out again but he just nodded in response, still feeling too overwhelmed to really try to talk.

“Are you okay with seeing anyone right now, or would you rather to be alone?” Takumi asked before leaving the room.

Katsuki took another deep breath. “I’m… fine.”

“Alright, I’ll let your boyfriend know. And don’t worry, I won’t antagonize him,” Takumi added with a cheeky grin that made Katsuki smile a little and then he closed the door, leaving Katsuki alone with the soul-crushing realization that he couldn’t be farther away from his dream.

A few moments later the door was opening and all Katsuki saw was a green blur before he felt a heavy weight over him and hands looping tight around his neck. Katsuki immediately moved his arms to hug Deku as tight as his weak shitty body allowed him to, and closed his eyes breathing in his boyfriend’s familiar and comforting smell.

“You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay…” Deku was quietly saying over and over again.

When he opened his eyes and looked up, Todoroki was standing a bit further away from the bed staring him with very wide eyes and looking very pale.

“Dude, you can’t keep doing this,” Todoroki said weakly. “I feel like I’ve aged more in these last few months than in the last eighteen years of my life.”

Katsuki chuckled, not letting go of Deku.

“You… you should’ve… minded… your own… business,” He replied clumsily, but still amused.

Todoroki’s face finally looked more relax and he rolled his eyes at him, flipping him off and Katsuki flipped him right back.

“I don’t ever want to let you out of my sight,” Deku murmured against his neck, his voice breaking a bit.

Todoroki winced and took a step back.

“Uh, it’s good that you’re good, man. Really. So. I’m gonna leave you guys… to it,” He said awkwardly and quickly left the room, closing the door behind him.

Katsuki rolled his eyes and hugged Deku closer.

“I was away for only an hour,” Deku talked again weakly. “Todoroki was supposed to be there with you while I was gone, and it only took ten minutes of being late for something to go wrong.”

Katsuki grimaced. “I-it was… an unf… unfortunate… timing.”

Deku sniffed and laid down completely on the bed, pulling Katsuki as close as their bodies and the tiny hospital bed allowed them to.

“Don’t talk,” Deku said quietly. “You’re tired, go to sleep.”

“Don’t- don’t... tell me… what to do,” He replied rolling his eyes, but he still moved into a more comfortable position, resting his head on Deku’s chest, and closing his eyes.

“Love you,” Deku said, running his fingers through Katsuki’s hair.

“Lo… love you more,” Katsuki said before falling asleep.

--

“What happened to your meeting with All Might?” Katsuki asked a few hours later after he had woken up, his speech better and feeling a little bit less shitty than before.

Deku smiled at him a bit weirdly.

“I cancelled it,” He answered, smile a bit strained.

Katsuki frowned. “Have I already asked you that?”

Deku winced but nodded. Katsuki huffed.

“You should tell me when that happens,” He said feeling a bit annoyed.

“I don’t mind,” Deku replied quickly. “I’m happy to answer you as many times as you need.”

“Right,” Katsuki said, ignoring the ache in his chest. “I, well, I kind of wanna talk to you about something, before I actually forget,” Katsuki said straightening up and trying to keep the importance of this talk at the top of his mind.  Deku sat up on the bed too, looking nervous.

“Okay,” Deku said carefully. “You just woke up, don’t you think it can wait-”

“No,” Katsuki interrupted firmly. “I might actually forget,” He reminded his boyfriend.

Deku swallowed hard and nodded. “Alright,” He said weakly.

Katsuki took a deep breath and looked at Deku straight in the eyes. He made his choice pretty much as soon as Amari had suggested it. It wasn’t like he could choose anything different, not really. What was he supposed to do on his own stuck in the dorms? Think about all the stuff he was not going to be able to do until who the fuck knows when? Deciding had been easy but as he thought about Deku’s reaction his heart sped up and he was starting to dread telling him about it.

“It’s… it’s time,” He said firmly, if a bit hesitant. He found he didn’t really have to explain more because he knew Deku knew what he meant. The moment the words left his mouth, his boyfriend’s face turned paler and he looked like he was holding his breath. Katsuki’s heart hurt and he wanted to take it back immediately to make Deku stop looking like that, like he was physically hurting, but he couldn’t, obviously.

“Well,” Deku said after a long pause, visibly holding back his tears and swallowing hard. “Well, what happens now?”

Katsuki gently ran his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair, letting his hand linger on the back of Deku’s neck.

“I’m not sure,” He replied softly. “Amari said that I can’t keep training or going to school anymore.”

Deku swallowed again and then abruptly stood up. Katsuki watched him walk towards the wall opposite the bed, arms held tight around himself.

“Is it because of your memory loss?” He asked weakly, still not facing him.

“Yeah,” He replied, slowly. “Can’t really study if I’m gonna forget everything I’m learning anyways. Um,” Katsuki fidgeted with a loose string on the bedding and took some time before talking again. “She… she kind of suggested something.”

Deku didn’t reply but Katsuki could tell he was listening.

“Amari said that I should be permanently temporarily hospitalized.”

Deku immediately turned around with an utterly confused and scared expression.

“What the hell does that mean?!” He asked a little hysterically.

Katsuki winced and his heart sped up even more, he knew Deku wasn’t gonna take it well.

“Just listen to me,” He said quickly. “She said it could be dangerous for me to be alone. You’ve seen how… well, you saw what happened today. And it’s only gonna get worse, apparently, so maybe it’s for the best. Takumi said-”

“Takumi?!”

“-he said that they have these really cool rooms for people like me, that have to be hospitalized for a long period of time, and it actually doesn’t sound so bad. It would only be until my treatment’s over.”

Deku’s face was frozen in an expression of mingled horror and shock.

“B-but- your room is in the dorms.”

Katsuki stood up from the bed (slowly, because he was dizzy, like fucking always and his leges were weak) and took Deku’s hands, squeezing them hard.

“Deku,” He said gently. “I know this is unexpected, but even I can see that I’m not exactly getting better.”

“But why can’t you stay in the dorms?” Deku asked weakly, taking quick breaths.

“It’s not safe-”

“I could look after you. I’ve done it before, when…. When- your mom- and you could stay. With me-”

“Deku, you can’t,” Katsuki interrupted. “You have school. You have homework. Soon you’ll have internships. You can’t spend all your time with me.”

Deku’s eyes were darting around the room anxiously.

“Then… then maybe I could-”

“Don’t.”

“What?”

“Don’t even finish that sentence.”

“Why not?! I’m in the top spots in class, it’s not like my grades would be that affected if I missed a little school-”

“Deku, don’t,” Katsuki said firmly. “You’re not missing school because of me. That’s- it’s not even an option.”

Deku frowned.

“It’s my choice,” Deku replied a bit more defensively.

“No. This isn’t. I get to choose where I stay when I’m sick and who looks after me,” He said leveling Deku’s tone.

Deku shook his head and shrugged away from his hold. “I’m your boyfriend. I should be the one looking after you.”

“You already are!” Katsuki said irritated. “I’m just taking some weight off you by staying here. I wouldn’t be alone. I wouldn’t fucking forget to take my meds. You’re just being stubborn!”

“Well, forgive me for not wanting to be away from you when you’re-! When you-!” Deku ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “Why are you trying to push me away?!”

Katsuki gaped at his boyfriend for a bit.

“I’m not ‘pushing you away’, you idiot! I’m just making things easier. This is safer-”

“Then stay with me!” Deku said loudly over him.

“You can’t look after me all the time!” He snapped back.

“I could if I just took a break-”

“Stop it, you’re not doing that,” He interrupted shaking his head, and crossing his arms over his chest.

“Don’t tell me what to do!”

“Then stop suggesting crazy shit!”

Deku was quiet for a bit, shaking his head at him with shiny eyes and a hurt expression.

“This is my choice, too,” He said a bit calmer but sounding just as agitated.

“You can’t put your whole education into a halt just because I’m sick,” Katsuki replied with a firm voice.

“That’s my choice to make.”

“And it’s also my choice where I stay. And I already made it. I’m staying here. Whether you like it or not. That’s the end of it.”

Deku looked at him for a while with an incredibly hurt expression that made Katsuki want to apologize for all that he had just said but he didn’t, because he knew he was right. Deku couldn’t put his whole life on pause just because Katsuki was dying.

Deku shook his head again and a single tear escaped his eyes. He quickly wiped it away and took a step back, towards the door.

“This isn’t fair,” He said before opening the door quickly.

Deku stopped in his tracks when he found himself facing Takumi at the other side, holding a tray with a glass of water and what looked like a pudding on it.

“Um, hi?” Takumi said, looking sheepish and his cheeks were turning red.

Deku huffed and shouldered past him, without looking back. Katsuki watched him walk away and plopped himself on the bed feeling defeated and like he wanted to cry.

Takumi stepped into the room and left the tray on the bedside table.

“Trouble in paradise?” Takumi asked lightly with a sympathetic smile on his face.

Katsuki slumped on the bed and grabbed the pudding from the tray, opening it a bit more aggressively than was probably necessary.

“Shut up.”

Chapter Text

Next day, Katsuki was in the middle of putting on his jeans when his door busted open.

“What the fuck-” He shrieked, trying to hide the fact that he was only in his boxers.

“I'm sorry!”

Katsuki paused, his eyes going from Deku to the open door, where a bunch of nurses and patients were walking outside in the hallway.

“Alright,” He said quickly, covering his crotch with his jeans. “Could you close the-”

“I just want to be with you in case you need me,” Deku continued, ignoring him and looking like he was about to start crying. “I wanna make sure you’re okay!”

“Sure, I get it, but the door is still-”

“I'll go to school if that's what you want!”

Katsuki shifted in his place, blushing when two nurses did a double take when they passed in front of his room.

“I'm in my underwear-” Katsuki tried to say.

“I just want to be with you,” Deku interrupted again, with teary eyes and Katsuki gave up because his boyfriend looked so sad and miserable that it was breaking his heart. He sighed and dropped his pants, walking towards him. “I love you, Kacchan. I thought about it and I get what you mean, I- I won’t stop going to school. I just- I freaked out, I guess, I’m sorry,” He finished with a sad sniff.

He held Deku’s face between his hands, caressing his thumb across his cheek, still shirtless and pantless, but wanting more than anything to make Deku stop looking like that.

“I love you more,” He said softly. “It really is for the best. And you can still visit whenever you want, so, you don’t have worry too much.”

“I'll always worry about you, no matter what,” Deku replied weakly and hugged him tight, looping his arms around his waist.

Katsuki hugged him back and ran one of his hands through his hair.

“You nerd,” He murmured. “You’re such a sap.”

Deku chuckled lightly but stopped after a few seconds and seemed to freeze in their embrace.

“Why are you naked?!” Deku asked in a high voice, sounding distressed, and pulling away to stare at Katsuki’s naked torso. “The door is open!”

Katsuki gaped at him before flicking Deku on the forehead.

“I was in the middle of changing when you came in!”

Deku was rubbing a hand where Katsuki had flicked him, looking indignant.

“You should’ve said so!”

Katsuki flicked him again, harder, and Deku yelped.

“I did, you idiot! But you wouldn’t shut up!”

“I was apologizing,” He defended himself. “Put some clothes on, everyone’s looking!”

Katsuki rolled his eyes and flicked Deku again.

“Ow, Kacchan! Stop it!”

Katsuki bent down to pick up his jeans and because his life was a joke, that was the exact moment Takumi decided to return to the room.

“Hey, are you done- holy shit.”

Katsuki straighten up quickly and covered himself again, feeling his cheeks get warm. Deku wasted no time in stepping in front of him trying to shield him from Takumi’s eyes.

“Does no one ever fucking knocks?!” He grunted feeling embarrassed and annoyed.

“Don’t look at him!” His boyfriend shrieked and Katsuki couldn’t help but laugh a little at Deku’s defensive tone.

“Oh my god,” Takumi said, pretty obviously still staring at Katsuki behind Deku. “They really make you train at that school, huh?”

“I’m gonna call the police,” Katsuki said shaking his head and finally pulling on his pants.

“I thought we were done with the calling me old thing,” Takumi replied glumly.

Deku was still trying to cover Katsuki from Takumi’s vision.

“Go away,” His boyfriend said.

Takumi raised his arms in a surrender manner. “Hey, he was naked when I came in here and the door was open, that’s hardly my fault,” He said shrugging. “Anyway, I just came to tell that you’re free to go. You can come back tomorrow with your stuff so I can show you to your new room,” Takumi added cheerily.

“Yeah, yeah, see you tomorrow,” Katsuki said before walking towards Takumi pushing him out of the room, closing the door in his face in a very familiar way, before Deku had a chance to try to yell at the nurse again.

“I hate him,” Deku said, clenching his fists.

Katsuki rolled his eyes and grabbed Deku’s hands trying to make him relax a bit.

“Oh, shut up, you don’t hate him. You’d probably like him if it weren’t for me.”

“I wouldn’t,” Deku said stubbornly.

Katsuki kissed Deku’s cheek.

“Let’s just go,” He said moving to put on his shirt but Deku didn’t let go of his hand and kept him in place for a bit longer. “What?” He asked puzzled.

Deku moved closer and kissed him gently on the lips, Katsuki quickly followed and they just kissed, slowly and perfect like they always did for a long time.

“I love you,” Deku said when they broke apart. “Just… wanted to say it.”

Katsuki gave Deku a small, if a little bit confused, smile.

“I love you more.”

--

Katsuki’s room was nice. His walls were a dark blue and they didn’t look as fancy as the ones that were in his previous rooms. His bed still looked like a hospital bed, but the sheets were way nicer, and they matched his walls. Takumi was right and he did, in fact, had a big TV mounted on the wall in front of his bed, and he also had a tiny desk and a tiny closet to put his stuff on. There were two chairs that looked decently comfortable and behind his bed was a big window that faced U.A.’s gardens. His favorite part was actually the fact that he now had his very own private bathroom, which meant that he could finally throw up in peace.

His friends had come to drop some of his things and Mina and Kirishima had only teared up a little when they said goodbye, not before they all hugged, promising him they would be back as soon as they could. School and training were getting harder because exams were fast approaching so everyone was busier than usual. That did not stop Deku from spending almost all of his free time in his room. He had only been staying at the hospital for a week but so far Deku had visited him every morning before class, during his lunch time, and spent the rest of his day there, catching up on homework, watching a movie with him or just hanging out. It was nice. Especially because Katsuki’s days were starting to get shorter. He often slept until late in the morning, only waking up when Deku kissed his forehead to greet him, and falling asleep as soon as Deku left the hospital, which was usually pretty late but still quite early considering the time he usually woke up at.

He mostly spent his time watching trashy TV because trying to read was too fucking frustrating when he forgot what some words meant half of the time and he was too proud to ask Deku more than two times in a row to read him back things. He got a notebook in which he wrote important things to remember, like the date, when he took his meds, things he talked about with Deku or his friends, and things they told him, it usually worked but he still sometimes saw that weird expression on people’s faces when he asked a question or made a simple comment that told him when he had asked or said the same thing more than once.

Todoroki visited pretty often too, usually coming with Deku during lunch time, sometimes accompanied by Uraraka and Tsuyu but more often than not, just the two of them. It was always weird when someone other than his friends or Deku acknowledged the fact that he had cancer, but he was getting used to it. Overall, staying at the hospital wasn’t that bad, except for the fact that he was clearly getting worse by the minute, but he always managed to push that thought to the back of his head.

He was getting his last session of the week and he was staring at the painting of The Starry Night that was hanged on the ceiling. It was a nice painting. This was usually the moment where he felt his worse.

“Have you eaten anything since yesterday?” Takumi asked.

Katsuki shook his head. Talking hurt.

“You have to eat,” He added.

“Everything tastes weird,” He said, his voice sounding scratchy and hoarse.

Takumi winced. “I know. You still have to eat, though.”

Katsuki glared at Takumi. Takumi shrugged.

“You ready to get up?”

“No,” He said, his voice sounding just as awful as before, but still lifted himself on his elbows to get out of the bed. Takumi helped him, and then led him to a wheelchair that he had started to bring some sessions ago. That was another new fucking thing that he hated but he could hardly argue about using it when the slightest movement made him want to be sick.

Takumi wheeled him straight to his room. He didn’t have to change anymore because he mostly spent his time on his pajamas anyways. This was the first time that Deku couldn’t come with him to one of his sessions and it was because the whole class was having a training exercise that was supposed to prepare them for their upcoming exams. Katsuki missed him more than was probably appropriate given the fact that they already spent almost every day together, but he refused to show it because he was the one that told his boyfriend to keep going to school.

Takumi helped him get on his bed, and then brought him three chocolate puddings, saying that he was not gonna get fired just because Katsuki was a picky eater that might starve himself to his death. He ate the pudding reluctantly while he watched another episode of America’s Next Top Model but wasn’t even halfway done when he was already feeling like throwing up. He waited a few seconds and then he was rushing out of his bed and to the bathroom to throw up.

He got up after a few minutes, flushing the toilet and rinsed his mouth. When he looked up, he splashed his face with cold water and then spent some time staring at his own reflection. He looked sick, there was no other way to describe his appearance. There was a time when his mother had refused to cook for him. Katsuki would’ve been fine if he hadn’t been seven fucking years old and if he knew even a little bit about cooking, but the fact was that he didn’t. During the first days his dad snuck some food to his room at night but when she found out about that, she dragged him to their room, and they stayed there for long time. Katsuki has no idea what she told him but after that his dad stopped giving him food, and whenever she came home, he stopped talking to him too. He mostly survived on some snacks and cereal, which was all he could really do at the age of seven and he got so thin and weak that one day he even fainted at school. After that he decided to read the many cookbooks that his mom kept around the house, and he taught himself how to cook simple meals so he wouldn’t embarrass himself in front of his whole class again. He never really forgot how weak he felt during those weeks and how truly sick he had looked.

And now, looking at himself in the mirror, all he could think about was that he looked like that.  Sick, and skinny and sad. It fucking sucked. He sighed and ran a frustrated hand through his hair, trying to make himself snap out of his shitty mood and make himself remember that this was just temporary. He lifted his hand to turn off the lights before leaving the bathroom but frowned, noticing that there was something in it. He stared at it for a while and then it clicked, and he felt his heart drop.

His hand was full of blond hair. He looked back at his reflection and he stared intently at his head. Was it finally happening? It didn’t look as if he was actually losing hair. He threw the clump of hair in the sink and slowly ran another hand through his hair. When he looked at it again it was the same as before, his fingers tangled in a big clump of hair.

He felt numb and he all he could do was stare at his hand full of his hair like he was in a trance, only being able to concentrate on the fact that he was losing his hair. It was finally happening. His door busted open and Katsuki jumped, turning to look at Deku’s frantic eyes on the other side of it.

“Kacchan! I’ve calling you for like ten minutes, are you okay?!” Deku asked urgently and grabbed him by the shoulders, looking at his face with a worried expression.

Katsuki didn’t answer and turned his gaze back to his hand.

“What-” Deku began but cut himself off when he seemed to notice what Katsuki was holding.

Deku said nothing for a while, probably in the same state he himself had been a few seconds ago and when he looked up, he found Deku’s eyes welling up in tears. Katsuki swallowed audibly and then Deku was taking a deep breath, taking the hair from Katsuki’s hand and throwing it in the sink before dragging him out of the bathroom.

“You should sleep,” He said with a soft and calm voice that did not match his expression at all. “You look tired,” He added, pushing Katsuki on the bed and turning off the TV that he had let on when he went to the bathroom. Katsuki laid down, still feeling numb, and let Deku crawl behind him under the covers, letting himself be moved so Deku could hold him by the waist, tangling their legs together and dropping small kisses on the back of his neck. “Just go to sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Katsuki closed his eyes and ignored the fact that there were several tears coming out of his eyes.

--

When Katsuki woke up he was alone in bed. Somehow, he felt worse than before and all he wanted to do was to keep sleeping. He looked around and found Deku at his desk, writing something on a notebook.

“Are you writing about me in your stalker notebook?” Katsuki asked, his voice sounding scratchy and tired.

Deku squeaked and closed his notebook, turning around to look at Katsuki.

“Don’t call it that,” He said defensively, and moved to sit in the chair that was pulled to the side of his bed. Katsuki rolled on his side to stare at Deku and held out his hand. Deku took it immediately with both hands and lightly kissed his knuckles. “How are you feeling?” He asked.

“Pretty good,” He replied. “Talking hurts.”

Deku said nothing and just stared at him for a while, Katsuki was almost falling asleep again when Deku spoke.

“I hate seeing you like this,” He said, sounding sad and looking at him with glassy eyes.

“But I’m so much fun,” Katsuki answered.

Deku leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and then pressed Katsuki’s knuckles to his forehead, screwing his eyes shut.

“I wish I could do something,” He said quietly. “I wish I had the power to make your pain disappear. You deserve to be happy, after everything that’s happened, this isn’t fair-”

“Deku-”

“I know!” He interrupted roughly, looking up at him. “God, I know, Kacchan, no wallowing, but I just- I can’t- this is hard, seeing you like this.”

Katsuki said nothing for a bit and moved his other hand to trace Deku’s cheekbones lightly.

“I was just gonna say that I love you,” He said after a while, tucking a strand of hair behind Deku’s ear.

“I love you more. I love you so much more, Kacchan.”

Katsuki swallowed. “Even though my hair is falling off?” He asked, his voice shaking just a bit.

Deku grabbed his other hand and pressed his lips to them, holding them tightly.

“You would look just as handsome. But in like a bad boy kind of way.”

Katsuki snorted and it hurt.

“Haven’t I always been like a bad boy?”

“That’s just a facade. Your insides are sweet, that’s why you smell like candy.”

Katsuki rolled his eyes with an amused smiled.

“Idiot. You know that’s my quirk.”

“No-uh. It’s your sweet personality wanting to be revealed.”

Katsuki poked him lightly on the nose and his eyes fluttered close.

“You liar,” He said quietly before falling asleep again.

--

Next day, he found himself surrounded by his friends, including Todoroki. Deku was sitting next to him on the bed, anxiously holding his hand. They were all looking at him with the same worried expression and he was starting to feel like he might’ve forgot about something really important, if his faces were anything to go by.

“So,” Sero said nervously. “There’s something you should know.”

“What?” He asked, his eyes darting to everyone in the room. “Have you told me this before?”

“No, uh, this is quite new,” Kaminari added.

“What is it?” He asked again, shifting nervously on his bed. “What happened?”

“Well,” Deku started. “Um, remember when you told Monoma you had cancer a few weeks ago?”

Katsuki warily nodded.

“You see, the news kind of… spread around,” Kirishima added, scratching his head. “And like, the school sort of found out about it?”

Katsuki felt his heart sped up.

“Am I on the news again?”

Deku squeezed his hand and everyone nodded. Fucking hell, this was probably the only thing he did not enjoyed about being a hero. His private life was basically not private at all.

“The good news is that this time no one’s kidnapped you,” Todoroki said calmly out of nowhere, immediately earning a bunch of reproachful Todoroki!’s on everyone else’s part.

Katsuki laughed. “That’s very true,” He said, feeling a little bit less stressed.

“Todoroki, don’t be insensitive!” Ashido scolded.

Todoroki looked at her confused.

“But it’s true,” He replied blandly.

“How are you?” Deku asked quietly and ignoring everyone else’s bickering, leaning closer to him.

“I wish people would mind their own business,” Katsuki replied, slumping on the bed, and leaning his head on Deku’s shoulder. “I think I might forget this,” He added after a few seconds. “Can you write it on my notebook?”

Deku moved his arm to drape it over Katsuki’s shoulders and kissed the top of his head.

“Of course,” Deku said.

“So what happens now?” He asked to his friends.

“Aizawa’s already working on improving security around U.A. and the hospital in case anything happens,” Kirishima said.

“What the fuck could happen?” He asked, frowning.

“You did get kidnapped two years ago,” Sero said.

“It’s just to be safe,” Deku added.

“Having cancer sucks,” He said grumpily. “Guess it could be worse, right?” He added lightly.

Everyone looked at him with uncomfortable sorrowful eyes and he slumped further on the bed, feeling annoyed that no one was willing to indulge him.

“You could get kidnapped,” Added Todoroki after a bit and Katsuki smiled at him.

“It’s very convenient that I’m not, right?” He replied, cheerily.

--

Time passed and so did Katsuki’s optimism. He slept all the time, even when he didn’t mean to, Kaminari told him that last time they all visited Katsuki fell asleep in the middle of a conversation, which was fucking frustrating because he was trying so hard to have a little bit of normalcy but it was clearly out of his hands at this point. And the time he didn’t spend sleeping he felt nauseous and tired and wanted to sleep. So far, the fact that his hair was falling off wasn’t glaringly obvious and he was thankful to have inherited his mom good genes when it came to hair, but he was constantly worried about when it might start to show up. But still, he was dealing with it. Mostly. He tried his best to not to talk too much about his discomfort and pain because he didn’t want to be a downer, and his cancer was such a downer.

Katsuki was throwing up in a bucket Takumi had gotten him after the third time he didn’t make it in time to the bathroom. He leant his head against the wall behind his bed and closed his eyes, feeling the ache in his abs he always got after throwing up too much. It was probably the closer to a workout he would get in who knows when. Deku brushed his hair out of his face and handed him a glass of water. Kirishima, that had the unfortunate luck of visiting him when he was throwing up, looked at him with sympathetic eyes. Out of the five of his friends, he was the worst at Not Wallowing.

“Are you okay?” He asked warily.

“Just perf.”

“Do you feel better?” Deku asked gently, which Katsuki knew it meant are you done?

He nodded, rolling his eyes, and Deku immediately scrambled to grab a notebook from his backpack, writing quickly on it. Katsuki didn’t even reacted to him at this point and just got up from his bed to rinse his mouth and throw away the contents of his disgusting sick bucket. When he got out of the bathroom, Kirishima was looking at Deku, still writing stuff on his notebook.

“What is he doing?” Whispered the red head staring at Deku warily.

“It’s his stalker notebook,” He replied rolling his eyes and climbing up his bed again.

“What?!” Deku interrupted, turning to look at them. “Kacchan, stop telling people that!”

“But it is,” he replied blandly.

“Is it really?” Kirishima asked curiously.

“It’s not,” Deku said firmly. “I like to be informed about Kacchan’s symptoms so I can see how the treatment is working.”

“Well, I guess that makes sense-”

“He wrote how many times I’ve peed in a day,” Katsuki interrupted flatly.

Kirishima stared at Deku for a while.

“What?” He asked, sounding confused.

“Radiotherapy might affect your bladder!” Deku said trying to defend himself.

Kirishima was quiet again, before warily asking, “... how many times today?”

“...two. I don’t think Kacchan’s been drinking enough liquids.”

Kirishima turned his gaze back to Katsuki.

“Huh, it really is a stalker notebook,” He replied nodding.

“It’s an I Care About My Boyfriend notebook!”

“What did you write just now?” Katsuki asked.

Deku closed his notebook, looking guilty. “...nothing.”

“Did you write how many times I’ve threw up today?”

No one said anything for a few moments.

“You threw up two times less than last week,” Deku said after a bit. “That’s gotta be an improvement!”

“Oh my god, Midoriya, you’re totally a stalker,” Kirishima said staring at Deku with an amused smile.

Todoroki came into the room carrying a bag of take out food for Kirishima, Deku and the rest of his friends that were coming by later. He stared at three of them and then seemed to notice Deku holding his notebook to his chest and he nodded like he understood something.

“Are you guys talking about Midoriya’s stalker notebook?”

“Todoroki-kun!”

--

Katsuki was having a Good Day, which was not really a good day anymore, but more of a I Haven’t Throw Up Today And I Can Stay Awake For More Than An Hour Day. He was giving Deku’s notes a try and he mostly understood what he was reading but he had to stop every few sentences to look up a word and see what the fuck it meant or mark it so he could ask Takumi or Deku to tell him what the fuck it said. But it was fine because his memory wasn’t so shitty that he had forgotten about all of the things he had learned in school so far.

He was writing down a word on his notebook that he had no idea what it meant, and it was taking him quite some time to write it down because writing was also hard, when his door opened. He didn’t even look up because it was either Deku, that had a group project today so probably not him, or Takumi, who had no manners and walked into his room like Katsuki wasn’t even there.

“What do you want?” He asked grumpily, without looking up.

When Takumi didn’t respond after a few seconds Katsuki looked up only to find that Takumi was not the person that had come into his room.

“You haven’t changed at all, have you?”

His mother was staring down at him from the doorway, with that same familiar cold gaze that was permanently on her face whenever she looked at Katsuki.

Chapter Text

Katsuki thought that, after six months, he would have forgotten about the suffocating fear and dread that would plague his chest in the span of two seconds. He didn’t though, not really. It was familiar now, when he saw his mother again after so long, like going back to an old habit. She was leaning against the threshold, looking careless and even a little annoyed as she glanced around his room.

“Always so rude,” Mitsuki said, finally staring down at him.

Katsuki clenched his fist around his pencil and tried to ignore the pounding of his heart.

“How-”

“Oh, save it,” She said rolling her eyes and taking a step into the room. He snapped his mouth shut almost in automatic. “I saw it in the news, you know. Looks like your school loves to talk about your personal life, huh?”

Katsuki couldn’t stop looking at her. He felt like maybe if he had seen her when he was better, not sick and without a shitty tumor on his head, he would probably be acting different. He remembers thinking about it a lot, what he would do if he ever saw her again, if he ever had the chance to say some last words to her. Right now, though, all he could really focus on was the fact that she once closed a door on his hands because his explosions were too loud for her liking.

“What? Cat got your tongue?” She asked taking another step closer, and Katsuki, without even noticing, leant back on his bed, dropping his notebooks and his pencil. “Or is it your, what, tumor, is it?” She continued lightly.

Katsuki swallowed and his eyes darted around the room, noticing that she closed the door behind her.

“How- how did you got in here?” He asked, trying to disguise the nervousness in his voice.

His mom crossed her arms across her chest. “What? You think they’re not gonna let me see my own son?” She said plainly, like she couldn’t believe that Katsuki was that stupid.

“I have a restraining order,” He said sounding a bit hesitant because he did, right? Or didn’t he? Was his memory shitting with him again? He used to be sure but now he didn’t know.

She smirked in a way that was too familiar to Katsuki and made him suppress a shudder.

“You see, this is the problem with your school. They decide to let everyone know that you have cancer, but they don’t let them know that you’re no longer in your parent’s custody,” She said with an amused tone. “We do share the same name, you know.”

Katsuki’s breaths were starting to come out shorter and he was trying hard to not have a panic attack. What would she do if she saw how weak he had become? How pathetic?

“Why would you-” Katsuki swallowed. “I... I don’t get it, what do you want?” He asked quietly, wrenching his pajama pants between his fists.

“Wanted to see it for myself,” She shrugged. “Wanted to see if you were just looking for attention like you’ve always loved to.”

Katsuki frowned, feeling anger spark in between all his fear.

“I’m not like that anymore,” He said roughly.

Mitsuki’s eyes flashed dangerously.

“Aren’t you?” She said coldly. “Don’t forget that I’m your mom, kid. I know you better than anyone else. I fucking raised you.”

Katsuki shook his head because that wasn’t true. He wasn’t the same arrogant little shit he had once been that told Deku to kill himself. He had changed, he had grown. He was better and he had tried so hard. Deku told him- he said-

But then again, his mother always seemed to know him pretty well. Like that time he got kidnapped. It had been his fault, for being weak enough to allow himself to get into that situation. She was the only one that told him the truth, the only one that was honest enough to let him know that he had fucked up.

“Always so entitled,” She continued. “I wouldn’t put it past you to fake a whole fucking illness to get your way. What is it you want to get now? Compassion?” She laughed. “Oh, Katsuki, how can anyone feel compassion towards you when you’ve been such a bad person?”

Katsuki’s breath hitched and he felt like he was frozen, staring at his mom as she took another step closer to him. She eyed the room again and then shook her head in disbelief. Katsuki couldn’t help but stare at her hands like he always used to do whenever she got angry.

“You have everyone fooled it seems like. Even your teachers. Don’t you feel bad?”

“I-I’m not lying,” He said weakly, because he was sure of that. He saw his tumor, it wasn’t fake, he didn’t make it up. Why would he?

“Are you sure?” She added quietly, standing very close to his bed. He hadn’t seen her in such a long time it almost felt unreal. “Are you sure that you didn’t plan this whole thing just for attention? You’re really getting in character, too. You look like shit. Is this some excuse to get out of your responsibilities?”

“No-!” He started but closed his mouth when Mitsuki’s hand moved and he flinched, remembering how quickly a simple movement could turn into Katsuki’s head getting banged against a wall.

His mother laughed. “Such a coward, too. Heroes are not supposed to get sick, you know?”

Katsuki wanted to scream, to tell her she was fucking wrong, that he wasn’t lying. Why would he lie when all he wanted to do was go back to his normal life? He never asked for this, he never wanted to get a fucking tumor that made him weak and useless. But he couldn’t say anything, he was scared, and he was panicking and he didn’t want to get hit.

“Heroes are supposed to be good,” She continued gently, and he flinched when her hand moved again, this time landing on his thin strands of hair caressing them lightly. He swallowed and kept his hands by his sides trying hard not to move. “And Katsuki, you’re no good. What type of person would go this far to get their way?” He added, looking at him with sad eyes.

For a moment, Katsuki had no idea what to say. He wasn’t lying, he knew that. But his mother’s words had always managed to make him doubt himself, and no matter how hard he was trying he couldn’t remember if he had even been diagnosed. It was just a headache, right? That was all it was at the beginning. And it wasn’t even that bad. Had he really lied to all of his friends and the doctors? But- the seizure. That was real, right? How could he had faked something he couldn’t remember? No, but- but he had a tumor, right? Or didn’t he? What even made him so sure of that-

“See,” She added after a while, noticing Katsuki’s inner turmoil. “Even you can see that you’ve taken this joke too far. Without me here there really is no one to remind you to stay in line, isn’t that right?” She touched his hair again and Katsuki fought his urge to move away because that would make her angrier. “You even lied to that poor Midoriya kid. He probably fell all over it.”

Katsuki’s heart sped up. Deku. He lied to him. He’d been so angry, he said that he was gonna leave. Katsuki started to feel like breathing was getting harder and he couldn’t really focus on a single thought.

“Poor boy, thinking that you have cancer when in reality all you have is the need to manipulate everyone,” She continued, taking her hand away but staring down at him with eyes full of disappointment.

Katsuki shook his head again, weakly. He never wanted any of this, she couldn’t be right. Unless… maybe he did want it? Why else would he be in the hospital? Why didn’t he suck it up like he always did?

“It’s no surprise either, that kid has always been so fucking naïve.”

That made Katsuki snap out of his head for a few seconds and he narrowed his eyes. Of course she noticed and she smirked defiantly at him.

“What? He would have to be naïve to be dating someone that used to treat him like you did. Either that or he’s just fucking dumb-”

“Shut up,” Katsuki interrupted suddenly on a whim, his anger coming back to him and clearing his head for a moment.

Mitsuki looked at him with a momentarily stunned expression.

“What did you just say?” She asked coldly.

Katsuki’s anger was starting to fade away again.

“Don’t talk about him like that,” He said harshly but he was forgetting what had made him so angry in the first place.

“Look at you,” She said, her expression a mix of anger and disappointment. “So fucking disrespectful. This school hasn’t taught you anything, after all.”

He said nothing and Katsuki’s eyes were fixed on her hands and for the life of him he couldn’t fight the paralyzing fear he felt. She raised her arm and he was sure he was gonna get slapped again. He closed his eyes and braced himself for the familiar pain to come but it never did. Instead, there was a knock on his door and they both jumped, startled. Mitsuki turned her narrowed eyes towards the door and when she looked back at him, she was wearing a fierce expression.

“Keep your mouth shut,” She demanded harshly and Katsuki shrank further on the bed.

“See, Bakugou, I can knock. I just choose not to,” Takumi said as he entered the room but stopped when he saw his mom next to him, his eyes moved to stare at Katsuki and he must’ve had some type of look on his face because he frowned and took a step into the room. “Um, who are you?” He asked hesitant to his mother, but still managing to sound polite.

Mitsuki schooled her features into ones of shocked offense.

“Her mother, obviously,” She said defiantly.

Takumi frowned further, looking confused. His eyes were moving from Katsuki to his mom indecisively.

“His mom?” He said sounding utterly puzzled. “But I thought-”

“Am I not allowed to see my own son when he’s in the hospital?” She interrupted crossing her arms across her chest, looking entitled.

Takumi looked at them nervously.

“Of course you can! I’m Katsuki’s nurse so I’m a little confused as to why I haven’t seen you before,” He said quickly, but politely. “I thought you were unavailable at the moment?” He asked hesitant.

Mitsuki huffed and narrowed her eyes. “Sorry, I don’t think it’s any of your business why I can or can’t see my own son,” She grunted. “Can you leave us alone now? We were in the middle of something important.”

Takumi didn’t leave, and stood there, his gaze darting from Katsuki to his mom nervously and Katsuki wanted to tell him not to leave, to please stay because he was starting to have a panic attack and he wasn’t sure what was real and what not. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but the moment he did, his mom’s hand found his shoulder and pressed hard and he shut it immediately. Takumi kept staring at them and Katsuki felt completely useless.

“Am I gonna have to call your supervisor? Honestly, it’s not like I’m asking for much,” She said rudely.

Takumi’s eyes widened and he jumped, shaking his head quickly.

“No, no! That won’t be necessary, I’ll, um, leave you alone, excuse me,” Takumi said walking towards the door and Katsuki felt like he might cry.

The door closed behind him and he slumped on the bed, trying not to show how hopeless and afraid and pathetic he was feeling.

“What an annoying kid,” She said huffing, before turning back to regard Katsuki.

He kept his gaze down, trying to control his breathing. His fucked up brain couldn’t come up with any solution and focusing on anything but the dread of getting hit again was hard. He couldn’t have a panic attack, she would- Katsuki suppressed a shudder. The last time he had a panic attack, right after he had been kidnapped and she had grabbed him by the collar of his shirt towards his bedroom causing him to have a little freak out, she had been so mad. She kicked the shit out of him and then locked him in his room for days. What would she do now? Now that he was so fucking weak-

Mitsuki suddenly grabbed his hair and roughly pulled his head up, forcing him to look at her.

“Fucking pay attention to me when I’m talking,” She spitted out in anger.

Katsuki bit his cheek to keep himself from saying something that might make her angrier.

“You might have everyone fooled with your whole act of being sick, but I know better. I know you better than anyone, even that little boyfriend of yours, so don’t think I’m gonna let you keep it up for longer, got it?”

Katsuki’s hands were shaking. “I’m not lying,” He snapped back, trying to not sound as doubtuful as he actually felt.

She pulled harder at his hair and Katsuki winced.

“You can’t-” She suddenly stopped talking and she moved her hand away, her brow furrowed in what looked like confusion. Katsuki moved farther away from her, trying to calm his speeding heart and his shaky breaths but he kept his gaze fixed on her hands in case she decided to do anything else. That’s how he noticed what she was looking at. It was his hair. She had pulled it out when she grabbed him. She kept staring at it as if she couldn’t comprehend what she was looking at and Katsuki felt, weirdly, like he was watching himself when he realized he was losing his hair. “What the fuck-” She began to murmur but got interrupted by the abrupt opening of the door, making her drop the clump of hair.

It was Deku. Covered in green lightning and looking probably the angriest Katsuki had ever seen him.

“Stay away from him,” He said roughly.

His mother’s face shifted into a pleased expression and she smiled falsely at him.

“Oh, Izuku! I haven’t seen you in so long,” Mitsuki said sounding perfectly kind. “Came to visit this troublemaker?” Her hand found his shoulder again and Katsuki flinched a little, but before he had the chance to do anything else, Deku was by his side immediately surrounded by green lighting and standing between him and his mom, effectively pushing her aside.

Katsuki felt a mix of relief and panic. What would she do? Would she hurt Deku? What if she told Deku he was lying about his cancer and he believed her, and he left him again?

“Don’t touch him,” Deku said lowly, his voice sounding dangerously angry.

Mitsuki stared at the both of them, her eyes going from Katsuki to Deku in a curious manner.

“Oh!” She exclaimed after a bit with an evil smile. “Oh, don’t tell me you actually fell for his lie!” She said.

Katsuki’s heart might’ve stopped and he shook his head desperately, but his mother’s smile only got wider and all he felt was despair and a difficulty to breath.

“Lie?” Deku asked after a few silent seconds and Katsuki couldn’t tell what his bland tone meant but the lighting around him went down for a bit.

“Yes, of course,” His mother continued nonchalantly. “Katsuki’s always been like this, you must know-”

“Shut the fuck up,” Deku interrupted bluntly.

For a moment, Katsuki thought he heard wrong and his panic paused for a few seconds, but when he saw his perplexed mother’s expression, he realized he hadn’t imagined anything.

“Excuse me-”

“I said shut the fuck up,” Deku said again, louder, and angrier. “You don’t know a thing about Kacchan! You have no right to be here, acting as if you’ve been anything but awful to him during his entire life. If you’ve done anything to him-!” Deku stopped talking and Katsuki saw him clench his fists as his quirk came alive once again. “I swear, I’ll see to it that you spend the rest of your miserable fucking life in prison. You’re a villain,” He finished with an unwaveringly cold tone.

Mitsuki said nothing for a while, her face frozen in a furious expression that had Katsuki feeling extremely nervous. She took a step towards Deku and Katsuki instinctively reached out and grabbed him by his shirt, making Deku trip and fall into the bed.

“What-” Deku yelped, confused, but he refused to let go of his shirt and all Katsuki could focus on was his mother’s posture and hands and expression, because he needed to make sure that she wouldn’t try anything on Deku.

“You disrespectful little shit,” His mother said, looking livid.

She took another step forward and Katsuki dragged Deku closer to him, keeping his eyes fixed on her hands.

“Kacchan-”

“It’s her.”

Katsuki jumped at the sudden new voice and when he turned his head towards the door, he found Takumi, surrounded by four security guards and he was pointing at his mother.

“I’m sorry ma’am, you’re gonna have to come with us,” One of the guards said, as he approached his mother.

“What?” She asked rudely. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

“You have a restraining order and you can’t be here,” The guard continued.

“I’m his mother,” Mitsuki snapped back, louder. “I can see my son whenever the fuck I want!”

“Ma’am,” Said the guard looking very exasperated. “Either leave voluntarily or we will have to resort to more forceful behavior.”

“Oh, I wanna see you try-!” His mother started loudly.

Katsuki saw his mother yell and make a scene because she refused to leave the hospital, until two guards dragged her roughly towards the door. The thing was, it all felt like he was watching it as an outsider. It wasn’t until he looked down and noticed that his hand was still closed tightly around Deku’s shirt, that he snapped back to reality.

It was suddenly hard to breath, way harder than before. She told Deku he was lying. What if he left? What if he really was manipulative and all Katsuki wanted was attention since the beginning? His mother did know him. And now Deku knew, too. He had put up with too much already and now he was gonna leave.

“Kacchan.”

Katsuki looked up and finally noticed Deku holding his shoulders tightly, looking at him with glassy eyes.

“I didn’t lie,” He said desperately. “I- I do have cancer, I- that’s what Recovery Girl said, I wasn’t lying!” His breaths were short and quick. “At least, not on purpose I… I wouldn’t do that! I don’t want to have a tumor-”

“Kacchan!” Exclaimed Deku, shaking his shoulders a little and a tear escaped his eyes. He quickly wiped it away and moved closer so he could pull Katsuki into his chest, hugging him tightly. Katsuki immediately hugged back and closed his eyes, trying to not have a huge panic attack but it was kind of already happening. “I know,” Deku said softly and quieter, pressing his cheek against Katsuki’s hair.

“I- I’ve changed. I wouldn’t lie about something like this, Deku, I promise-”

“I know you wouldn’t,” Deku interrupted. “You’re good and honest and you would never try to gain attention from this. I know you, Kacchan, not her. She has never known you and everything she said to you was just her trying to hurt you because she’s a terrible person,” He said roughly and hugged him tighter. “I love you so much. I’m so sorry you had to see her again, I…” Deku’s voice wavered a little. “I should’ve been here. I’m sorry. I love you.”

“You believe me?” He asked weakly.

“Of course,” Deku kissed the top of his head. “You won’t have to see her ever again. I’m making sure of that.”

Katsuki was still panicking but hearing that calmed him a bit. That would be nice, not seeing her. They were both quiet for a while, Katsuki trying to calm down and Deku rubbing his back and leaving little kisses in whatever part of Katsuki he could reach.

“Kacchan?” Deku asked after some time, when Katsuki was finally breathing normally. Katsuki made a noncommitted sound in response, not really wanting to talk at the moment. “Did she-” He felt Deku swallow. “Did she hurt you?”

Katsuki thought for a bit. She hadn’t really. Pulling at his hair was nothing compared to some of the other things she had done before.

“Not really,” He answered.

“Please tell me,” Deku said, and he sounded so vulnerable and sad that Katsuki knew he wouldn’t be able to lie to him about it.

“She just… grabbed my hair, and then you came in.”

Deku was silent for a few seconds but his quirk activated, and green lighting was surrounding the both of them. Deku separated from their embrace, probably thinking he was gonna hurt him or something like that.

“Sorry,” He said. “It’s just- that fucking bitch.”

Katsuki couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him.

“I’m telling your mom you swore. Three times.”

Deku’s quirk suddenly stopped.

“You can’t!” He said defensively. “It- it was an accident.”

Katsuki snorted. “Yeah, right,” He said rolling his eyes.

Deku looked at him with such gentle eyes and cupped his face, pressing their foreheads together.

“You good?” He asked in almost a whisper.

“Yeah,” He said, and leant forward to press their lips together. It felt like the thing he was missing and he finally allowed himself to relax on the fact that his mother was gone and she didn’t hit him.

They kissed for a while, the both of them just enjoying the gentle touch of their lips and the familiarity of it until Deku broke away, stroking one of his cheeks.

“How did you know?” Katsuki asked.

Deku looked away, looking slightly annoyed.

“Takumi called me.”

“Did he really?” He asked surprised.

“Yeah. He said he saw you talking to a woman that was claiming to be your mom but that something felt wrong about it, so he called me to check. I-” Deku took a deep breath. “I was so angry, I just told him to call the cops and I ran here,” Deku squeezed one of his hands. “I’m just glad she didn’t do anything worse.”

“I’m fine,” Katsuki said, a bit uncomfortable. He mostly just wanted to forget how much his mother still affected him, even after such a long time. He probably would, and for once he didn’t feel that annoyed about it. “I didn’t know Takumi had your number,” He added, trying to change the subject.

Deku’s cheeks reddened at this.

“I- well, uh, I kind of gave it to him a few weeks ago,” Deku said, scratching the back of his neck.

“What?”

“I just- I was scared something might happen to you and I wouldn’t know about it because I wasn’t here,” Deku said quickly, his blush moving down his neck.

Katsuki nothing for a few seconds and then started laughing.

“You’re such a stalker,” He said shaking his head.

“Stop it, I’m not!”

“Sure, sure,” Katsuki said smiling, patting Deku’s head.

Deku swatted his hand away looking embarrassed.

“I’m sorry,” Said Deku after Katsuki had finished teasing him, with a remorseful expression. “I need to go. I wanna make sure she really was charged for breaking the restraining order.”

Katsuki nodded but leant forward to kiss Deku again. His boyfriend smiled into the kiss and they kept going for a bit longer but then Deku moved away and got off the bed and Katsuki definitely did not pout at his boyfriend.

“I’ll be back soon,” Deku said as he bent down to kiss his forehead. “I love you.”

“Love you more,” He said. Deku squeezed one of his hands tightly before finally leaving the room and Katsuki laid down on his bed and fell asleep, thinking that Deku had stayed.

Chapter Text

“I’m sorry,” Takumi was saying to him a few days later, a remorseful expression on his face.

“Stop it,” He muttered looking away, feeling uncomfortable.

“I didn’t know she was crazy!”

Katsuki snorted. “Cut it out.”

“She looks so much like you.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Fine,” Takumi said slumping in the chair next to his bed. “But I’m really sorry.”

Katsuki rolled his eyes. “Can’t you go back to inappropriately flirt with me? That was better than this thing you’re doing.”

Takumi perked up and sent him a sly smile. “Oh, so you want me to tell you how hot your new haircut makes you look?”

Katsuki covered his face with his hands. “God, I take it back,” He ignored Takumi’s triumphant look and narrowed his eyes at the nurse. “Shouldn’t you be somewhere else, maybe helping someone on the verge of dying?”

Takumi waved a hand dismissively and rested his feet on top of his bed. “Eh, they can wait. I’m hanging out with my favorite patient, at the moment.”

Katsuki made a little explosion near Takumi’s feet that made the guy jump and almost fall of his chair, he felt dizzy almost immediately, but it was worth it to see Takumi struggle to put the fire down on his pants.

“Dude!” Takumi yelped, patting rapidly at his burned clothing. “That’s so not cool! I only have two pairs of these!”

“But you wear those every day.”

“Yeah, so?”

Katsuki grimaced. “You’re disgusting.”

Takumi stood up and poked his ribs. “Rude.”

“Fuck off,” Katsuki said slapping his hands away.

“Fine, I’m leaving,” Takumi said, walking towards the door. “Don’t miss me too much.”

Katsuki showed him his middle finger.

“Charming,” Said Takumi before leaving the room.

Once the door closed behind the guy, Katsuki got off his bed and went to the bathroom. He stared at his reflection for quite some time and it still felt like he wasn’t looking at himself. The haircut had been Ashido’s idea. She had come to his room, along with the whole squad, with a pair of scissors, electric hair clippers and a five-minute-long YouTube tutorial, so he didn’t really have any choice on the matter. She said it was to disguise the fact that his hair was falling off for a bit longer. It was short on the sides, kind of like a buzzcut, but still long on the top, where his hair hadn’t really come off so far. It did a great job, actually, but it left Katsuki feeling out of sorts and like he wasn’t himself.

He ran a hand through the top part of his hair, wondering what Deku would think about it. He had left for his internship a few days ago and he already missed him terribly, especially the times he woke up with no memory of Deku leaving and only found out until he decided to go through his notebook. He left the bathroom and went back to his bed grabbing his phone before lying down.

Katsuki:

send nudes

The answer came after a few short minutes.

Deku:

kacchan! I’m in public, don’t be a perv

Deku:

give me like fifteen min until my shift it’s over

Katsuki:

how’s it going?

Deku:

it’s so exciting. i’m patrolling the city and i stopped a small robbery !!!

Katsuki:

!!!

Katsuki:

did you fight them? put them in jail? kissed a baby yet?

Deku:

quite. chased the guy down the street until he tripped on a produce stand. but i got to handcuff him myself!

Katsuki:

number one hero spot for sure. definitely more exciting than our first year at UA

Deku:

ofc

Deku:

boring year, actually

Katsuki:

totally

Deku:

hey, kacchan?

Katsuki:

what?

Deku:

my mom kind of wants to see you

Katsuki:

what

Deku:

well, she’s wanted to for a while. since it came out on the news. but i told her to wait bc you didn’t really look like you wanted any visits, but maybe now would be a good time?

Deku:

i’ll be back tomorrow so she can come with me to the hospital this weekend. she’s been really worried and is quite mad at us for not telling her. scary mad, kacchan

Deku:

are you up for it? i get it if you don’t want to but mom really wants to see you, so

Katsuki bit his lip. Auntie Inko was gonna wallow for sure, but he didn’t have the heart to tell her not to come and Katsuki could imagine how mad she probably was.

Katsuki :

yeah, it’s fine.

Deku:

you sure?

Katsuki:

yes, sure

Katsuki:

you’re coming tomorrow then?

Deku:

yesss!! get to see you for three whole days

Katsuki:

such a luxury!

Deku didn’t answer for a while, and Katsuki was starting to nod off when his phone vibrated again.

Deku:

i hate being so far away from you. we were supposed to intern together. i miss you all the time.

Katsuki swallowed and blinked away the sudden wetness on his eyes.

Katsuki:

it’s only four days a week

Deku:

too long

Katsuki:

i miss you too

Deku:

ah i got to go

Deku:

crime is calling

Deku:

call you tonight?

Katsuki:

ofc

Katsuki:

good luck and punch someone for me if you can, Hero Deku

Katsuki pushed his phone under his pillow and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ignore the ugly feeling of envy and longing that plagued his chest.

Next time Katsuki opened his eyes, it was because he felt like his head was splitting in half. He couldn’t breathe, his vision was blurry and all he was aware of was the pounding headache on the left side of his head. It was just like the ones he had gotten months ago but worse, so much worse. All he could do was gasp and try to breathe because doing anything else felt impossible. He tried to move his arm to the side of his bed, trying to feel for the button that would call a nurse and it took such an excruciatingly long amount of time that he was about to give up, when his fingers finally touched the surface of it and he pressed it quickly and after a few seconds that felt like hours, there were two nurses barging into his room.  

He felt a sharp pain somewhere in his arm and he could hear someone talking but he couldn’t make out the words, and then Amari was standing by his bed giving him an awfully worried look. That was the las thing he saw before everything went black.

--

“Shut up! You’re gonna wake him up!”

“He’s been asleep for hours, we need him to wake up.”

“He needs the rest, idiot, he has a tumor-”

“Shhhh! Guys, I think you might’ve actually woken him up.”

“Shit. I told you!”

Katsuki tiredly opened his eyes. He felt weird, like his mind was struggling to catch up with him being awake.

“Hey, man. You okay?”

Katsuki moved his head towards the sound and found four pairs of eyes staring down at him. He narrowed his eyes and focused on the ones closer to him.

“Kiri?”

His friend smiled. “Yes! How are you feeling?”

“Weird,” He replied after a few seconds. “Deku?”

 “On his way here,” Ashido said next Kirishima. “Don’t worry, Blasty.”

Katsuki smiled tiredly and closed his eyes. “Good,” He murmured.

“Bakugou?”

He felt like some time had passed when he opened his eyes again and for some reason, it was if he was even more tired than before. He looked around and instead of seeing his friends he found Todoroki leaning over him.

“IcyHot,” He said laughing a bit. “Déjà vu.”

Todoroki smiled amusedly at him.

“You’re really drugged, aren’t you?”

Katsuki frowned. “Am I?” He looked down at himself and noticed that there was a needle stuck to the inside of his arm. He reached out to touch it but there was a hand stopping him from doing it. Katsuki narrowed his eyes at Todoroki.

“Don’t touch that.”

“Mean,” He replied pouting, and slumping on the bed. “Where’s Deku?”

“Should be here any minute now,” Todoroki said, looking a bit worried. “You gave us quite a scare.”

Katsuki frowned. “Why?”

Todoroki bit his lip and glanced towards the door.

“Nothing,” He said quickly. “How are you feeling?”

Katsuki took some time to think about it. He felt weird, dizzy and fucking tired, like he could sleep for hours and hours and still feel exhausted after it. He looked back at Todoroki.

“I feel funny,” He said. “How do you feel?”

Todoroki looked surprised for a few seconds before smiling.

“I’m fine, thanks. Are you like… in pain?”

“No,” He said confused. “Should I be?”

“No! Not at all,” He added immediately. “Just making sure.”

Katsuki nodded in understanding but he wasn’t sure what Todoroki was talking about.

“Of course,” He looked down at his arm one more time before closing his eyes. “’m tired.”

“Yeah, I bet,” He heard Todoroki said. “Go to sleep, I’m sure Midoriya will be here when you wake up.”

--

It felt like a long time had passed next time he opened his eyes, and he could tell it was really late because he could see the night sky out of his window. This time he didn’t feel as groggy and confused as last time but there was a dull pain in the back of his head. He still felt fucking tired, though. He glanced down at his arm and found that the needle was still there, but it wasn’t connected to anything anymore. When he looked to the side, he found Deku asleep in a chair in an awkward position, his head leaning to the side and his arms crossed tightly over his chest.

“Deku,” He said, and his voice sounded scratchy.

Deku let out a soft snore.

“Deku,” He said a bit louder, but his boyfriend was dead asleep.

Katsuki glanced to the bedside table and found a marker, he tiredly grabbed it and threw it at him. His boyfriend jumped and he looked around with an alarmed expression.

“Kacchan?!”

“Deku,” He repeated, feeling exhausted.

Deku’s eyes finally landed on him and his gaze softened. He stood up and sat on the side of his bed, taking Katsuki’s hand in his.

“Hi, babe,” He said lightly, but the redness of his eyes and the rawness of his voice betrayed him. “How are you feeling?”

“Head hurts a bit,” He muttered, squeezing Deku’s hand. “Where were you?”

Deku gave him a pained look. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here. I should’ve, I’m sorry.”

Katsuki frowned. He wasn’t upset, just confused.

“It’s fine,” He said, reaching to grab the hem of Deku’s shirt with his other hand. “Were you busy?”

Deku stared for a few seconds. “I was at my internship.”

“Internship?”

Deku swallowed and looked away for a bit. “Yeah, I was gone for four days. I came back today but you were already asleep.”

“Right,” Katsuki answered after a while. He kind of remembered, but it was fuzzy. “Why did you come back?”

“You don’t remember what happened?” Deku asked looking worried.

“What do you mean?”

Deku sighed and shifted in his place.

“I’m not sure of it myself because I wasn’t here, but Takumi told me that you got a really bad headache. They had to put you on some painkillers for the pain to go down. I think they were pretty intense, judging by what Todoroki-kun told me.”

Katsuki frowned again, feeling a little bit distraught. What would that mean for him? Wasn’t he supposed to not get any headaches anymore? That was the whole point of the fucking treatment.

“Hey,” Deku said, interrupting his thoughts. “I like your new haircut. You look hot.”

Katsuki was momentarily distracted.

“Haircut?” He asked, confused.

Deku smiled at him.

“Yeah, wait here.”

Deku stood up from the bed and went to grab something from his bag. When he came back, he laid down next to Katsuki, pulling his phone in front of them. He opened the front camera and gave it to Katsuki. Katsuki grabbed the phone and his eyes widened when he finally looked at himself. After a few minutes of looking at his picture in the phone he finally remembered Ashido and his friends coming to his room to cut his hair.

“You like it?” He asked, turning his head to look at Deku. His boyfriend smiled down at him and leant his cheek over Katsuki’s head.

“Of course. You look very handsome,” Deku took the phone away from Katsuki’s hand and snapped a picture of them. Katsuki rolled his eyes with a fond smile and moved closer to Deku, resting his head on his chest. Deku wrapped his arms around him and kissed his hairline. “You tired?”

“I’m always tired,” He said bitterly.

Deku hugged him harder.

“Sleep. I love you.”

Katsuki sighed, feeling sad and exhausted.

“Love you more.”

--

“It’s not looking great, Bakugou.”

Katsuki shifted in his place and looked around the room for a bit. They were in the room where he got his radiotherapy sessions done almost every day and for some reason it felt bigger than it used to.

“Okay,” He said slowly, and Takumi shot him a sorrowful look from Amari’s side that he tried to ignore.

“This headache that you experienced might indicate that something with the treatment is not working as we expected.”

Katsuki swallowed and nodded.

“All we can do for now is keep going with it until it’s done and then focus on surgery. We can target the side effects in the meantime with medication but it’s quite strong, so it might leave you feeling a bit out of sorts.”

Amari kept going for a while, about what he might experience now or things he could do to make his symptoms or pain more bearable, but he barely paid attention to her. These days it was hard to concentrate on anything. He was finally allowed to leave and Katsuki was being wheeled away by Takumi to his room when there was some loud announcement over the hospital speakers that Katsuki didn’t really listen to, but the nurse clearly did.

“Crap,” He heard Takumi mutter behind him before he was being moved near some chairs where people were waiting for their own appointments. “I think I need to answer the call, I’ll just be a few, alright? Wait here.”

“Sure,” Katsuki said. Takumi nodded and left quickly through a hallway along with some other nurses.

He waited until he was sure that Takumi was not coming back, and he grabbed on to the wheels of his chair, testing if he could take himself to the elevator.

“Hey.”

Katsuki froze and turned his head towards the voice. There was a guy sitting near him, he was leaning his head on the wall and looked at him with a hint of curiosity. He had one of those oxygen tubes around his nose and was wearing a beanie that had a cat with his middle finger out, clearly hiding the fact that he had no hair. He looked quite young.

“Um, hey,” Katsuki said confused. “Bye,” He added before trying to wheel himself. It was hard but he could do it, he just had to make his way to the elevator.

“Where are you going?” The guy asked again, interrupting Katsuki’s escape.

“None of your business,” He said struggling with the chair. He was already a little bit out of breath and that, ironically, made him want to try harder.

“The nurse is gonna get worried.”

“Tough for him,” He managed to move forward a few inches until he had to stop to catch his breath. “Fuck,” He said breathlessly and frustrated.

“It seems like you need help,” The guy muttered again sounding like he was having fun with Katsuki’s attempts at escaping.

Katsuki snapped his gaze back to the guy, narrowing his eyes.

“Who even are you?” He asked angrily.

“My name’s Daizo Kimura,” The guy said smirking in a satisfied sort of way. “And you’re Katsuki Bakugou.”

Katsuki glared harder at him. “Fuck off,” He said before going back to wheeling himself away.

“I could help if you want.”

“I don’t need your help,” He snapped back, panting but moving closer to the elevator, if a bit slowly.

“I heard it’s not healthy to overwork yourself when you have cancer.”

Kimura was now walking next to him, and when Katsuki moved his head to glare at the guy he noticed that he was wheeling an oxygen tank.

“Yeah, you’re one to talk about health,” He said, stopping in the middle of the hallway to breathe.

“Oh, I’ve experienced it firsthand, don’t worry,” Kimura said flatly and Katsuki felt a bit shit for making that specific remark.

“Look,” He said less hostile and pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes. He had a headache, and he was sure he was gonna get put on pain meds again, but he didn’t want to feel fucking drugged so soon after last time. “I’m just trying to get out of this hospital for a couple of minutes, could you please just leave me alone?”

“I told you I can help you,” Kimura reiterated.

“And I told you-”

“Listen man, either you can keep bickering with me and struggle your way to the elevator or you can let me help you before the nurse comes back and takes you to your room. What’s it gonna be?”

Katsuki glared at the guy for a while until he huffed.

“Fine,” He said grudgingly.

Kimura smiled triumphantly and grabbed his oxygen tank from the floor.

“Hold this for me,” He said, before dropping it on Katsuki’s lap. “Where do you wanna go?”

Katsuki held the tank close to his chest, trying not to drop it. “I don’t know, isn’t there like a garden in here or something like that? I just wanna be out of my fucking room for a bit.”

“I know just the place,” Kimura said, wheeling him towards the elevator. Once they were inside the guy pressed a button and stood next to him in silence.

“Didn’t you have a session to go to?” Katsuki asked after a bit.

“Felt like ditching,” Kimura replied, shrugging.

Katsuki said nothing because he also felt like ditching from his sessions most of the time. He wouldn’t do that, though, because he really wanted to get that stupid tumor out of his head, even though it seemed like that possibility was moving farther and farther away from him as time went on.

“How old are you?” He asked instead, watching as the numbers on the elevator went higher.

“Fifteen,” Kimura said, and Katsuki was momentarily distracted by the fact that he was quite young but looked as if he had gone through a lot. “You’re eighteen, right?”

Katsuki narrowed his eyes at the guy. “Are you like a stalker or something?”

Kimura snorted. “Nah, I just saw you on the news. Shit was everywhere a few weeks ago, don’t you remember?”

No, Katsuki did not, in fact, remember that, but he guessed it kind of made sense.

He huffed. “Fucking press.”

“You’re from U.A.,” Kimura continued. “I always wanted to go to U.A.,” He muttered quietly after a bit.

The elevator stopped and the doors opened, and Kimura wheeled him into a small dark hallway that led into a door that had one of those locks that could only be opened from the inside. Kimura opened the door and dragged a brick to keep the door from sliding close and then wheeled him through it and Katsuki was faced with such bright lighting that he had to squint for a few seconds for his eyes to get used to it. They were in what looked like the rooftop of the hospital, there wasn’t really anything except for a big empty space but they were so high up that they could see the entirety of U.A.’s building and the forest that surrounded it, but the thing that struck Katsuki the most was the view. The sun was setting, and it made everything look quite orange and yellow, but it was beautiful. It reminded him of when he would sometimes go hiking and he would make it to the top at the right time and getting to see the sunset made all the struggle to get there worth it.

“It’s quite nice, right?” Kimura said by his side.

“Yeah,” He said, staring at the sky almost like he was in a trance.

“So are you staying here, like, permanently?”

“Something like that,” He said, not looking away from the view. “Aren’t you?”

“Nah, not this time,” Kimura said in a sort of resigned kind of way. “Might the next one, though.”

Katsuki finally looked away to stare at Kimura.

“What does that mean?”

Kimura looked at him with a confused expression. “You know, when I relapse again.”

“Relapse?”

“Yeah,” The guy answered like it was obvious. “It always comes back. At least it does for me,” He added, looking away.

“How many times has it come back?” He asked, feeling a bit shocked by the simplicity in which Kimura talked about his cancer.

 “Let’s see,” Kimura said holding a finger up as if he was counting. “I was first diagnosed when I was four, beat it when I was six, just to get it again when I turned eight. Somehow survived three surgeries and managed to have a normal life by nine, but it only lasted a few years because by eleven I was already almost dying again. Came out alive by some miracle and managed to live four years without any reoccurrence until now.”

Katsuki said nothing for a while, trying to take it all in. At the end he mostly just shifted on his chair, hugging Kimura’s oxygen tank closer to his chest, feeling uncomfortable and awkward.

“That fucking sucks,” He said truly meaning it. “What type of cancer do you have?”

“It’s in my lungs,” Kimura replied, sounding bitter. “Can’t fucking breath, which is ironic.”

“Why is it ironic?” He asked, curious.

“Because,” Kimura said laughing. “My quirk is to breathe fire.”

Katsuki turned his wide eyes towards Kimura, feeling very much like Deku.

“Is it really? That’s sounds fucking awesome!”

Kimura looked at him amused. “It would be, if it weren’t the whole cause of my cancer.”

Katsuki deflated in his chair, realizing that he had been very stupid for not connecting the dots sooner.

“Oh, sorry,” He said awkwardly.

“Yeah,” Kimura replied. “It was fucking awesome, though, when I could use it. Could’ve been an awesome hero, too.”

Katsuki smiled out of the corner of his mouth.

“For sure,” He said, feeling something close to sympathy and understanding towards Kimura.

“I’m taking your cancer isn’t a relapse, then?”

“Nah,” Said Katsuki, lightly. “This tumor’s brand new.”

Kimura grimaced. “Heard those are very painful.”

“Yep. Fucks with my memory, too.”

“Shit, that sucks.”

Katsuki hummed in agreement and no one said anything for a while, both of them looking out of the rooftop towards the trees, watching as the sun went down.

“Think it’s gonna be like this? When it ends?” Kimura suddenly interrupted the silence, in a sort of curious voice. “I always thought that it would look something like when the sun is setting, and everything turns black. Bet that shit’s painful, though.”

“When what ends?” Katsuki asked confused, turning his eyes towards Kimura.

“You know. Life,” Kimura said as if the answer was obvious. “You haven’t thought about that?”

“Uh, not like that, no,” He said with unease.

“Crap, yeah,” Kimura said wincing. “It’s your first time. Sorry, man.”

“Do you think about it a lot?” Katsuki asked instead.

“I think about it all the time,” The guy said, almost in a dreamy sort of voice. “I know it’s gonna happen soon, too.”

“What?” Katsuki asked, a bit alarmed.

“I know I’m not gonna have a long life, probably not gonna live past my twenties, lucky if I even make it that far, to be honest.”

Katsuki didn’t know what to say, it seemed like a that’s though, buddy was too insensitive, and he could hardly tell Kimura that he could try to be a bit more optimistic when that clearly hadn’t worked in his favor in the past.

“You sound surprisingly calm about it,” He ended up saying.

“I’ve kind of accepted it. I already tried to live in denial, and I’ve realized there’s really not a lot I can do to stop it, so I might as well come to terms with it.”

There was something about what Kimura said that made Katsuki want to have a little panic. Dying was something he had thought about a lot, but not in the sense of actually dying but more in like a how can I avoid it sort of way. He hadn’t even thought that he was gonna die that time he got kidnapped, but now? He was somehow forced to think about that possibility. Was he in denial too? He used to be so sure that he was gonna get over it, that it was just a small inconvenience that he had to go through and then life would keep going on as normal, that he could keep working on his dream to be a hero. But right now he was sitting in a wheelchair, not even being able to move himself, with a shitty memory and almost no hair in his head. He had to wonder, would he really ever get through it? And even if he did, why would his body not relapse, just like Kimura’s? He felt stupid now, for not even considering that as a serious possibility and assuming that getting through his treatment was all he needed to do for things to be okay again.

“Hey, Bakugou, uh, it might not be the same for you,” He heard Kimura’s quick words. “Everyone’s body reacts differently, I didn’t mean that you-”

“Shut up,” He said taking a deep breath, trying to calm himself. “You’re weirdly philosophical for a fifteen-year-old.”

Kimura snorted. “Yeah, maybe.”

“Did you really ditch on your radiotherapy session?” Katsuki asked, trying to distract himself.

Kimura shrugged. “They’re still gonna make me get it. They always do, no matter how many times I escape. They suck, though.”

“They really do,” He replied smiling. He opened his mouth to say something else, but he got interrupted but the ringing of his phone. He struggled to grab it from his back pocket because he was still holding the oxygen tank but managed it. He winced when he saw Deku’s picture on the screen and answered quickly.

“Hi?” He said nervous.

“Kacchan, where the hell are you?!” Deku shrieked in his ear and Katsuki separated from the phone a bit, wincing.

“Sorry-”

“Takumi says he lost you! How can he lose a whole person?!”

Kimura snorted by his side, probably listening to Deku’s shrieks and Katsuki narrowed his eyes at the boy.

“I’m fine, sorry-”

“Where did you go?!”

“Uh, I’m in the rooftop,” He said sheepish.

“The rooftop-?!”

“I just didn’t want to go back to my room.”

Deku was silent for a while and Katsuki was afraid that Deku was getting really mad at him but then his boyfriend sighed, sounding resigned.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you tell Takumi that you wanted to go somewhere else? I mean, I hate the guy, but he probably would’ve taken you.”

“I don’t know,” He said, feeling a bit guilty. “It was kind of impulsive.”

Deku sighed again. “Well, you better go back because my mom and I are coming over in like five minutes.”

“Wait, really?!” Katsuki asked, feeling nervous.

“Check your notebook, babe. Also, I’m telling Takumi where you are.”

“Wait, that’s not-”

“Sorry, Kacchan, but the poor guy thought he might get fired, so I think he deserves it.”

“I thought you hated him,” Katsuki said grumpily.

“I do,” Deku said lightly. “See you soon.”

“Bye,” Katsuki muttered before hanging up.

“Got to go?” Kimura asked with an amused smile.

“Yeah,” He said grudgingly. He wished he could stay a little bit longer, just until the sun had completely set.

“Let’s go,” Said Kimura, before moving to grab Katsuki’s chair again and wheel him towards the door.

“You know,” Katsuki said, as they were going down the elevator. “I think it’s really mature that you you’re so calm about dying. I still freak out about it and I’m older than you.”

“Yeah, well, you get used to it,” The guy said sounding tired. “I hope you don’t have to, though. You’d make a good hero.”

Katsuki smiled. “I think you would too, your quirk’s badass,” Kimura returned the smile and the elevator stopped. Before the doors slid open, Katsuki rushed to say something. “I really really hope you don’t die before you’re twenty,” He blurted out.

Kimura looked startled for a few seconds before smiling again, looking amused.

“Right back at you,” He said and Katsuki laughed.

And then the doors opened.

“Katsuki Bakugou, I’m gonna murder you.”

Katsuki grimaced and turned to look at Takumi, who just outside the elevator, his arms crossed over his chest and looking furious.

“Right, that’s my signal to leave,” Kimura said, leaning down to take his oxygen tank from Katsuki’s hands. “Bye, Bakugou.”

“Bye,” He replied weakly, not being able to look away from Takumi’s incredibly mad expression.

“You’re so dead,” The nurse said coldly, before getting inside the elevator with him and all Katsuki could do was accept his fate.

--

When they finally reached his room, Katsuki was made of aware of the hundreds of things that could’ve happened to him when he escaped, some of these being: falling down some stairs, having another seizure, forgetting where he was, suddenly having a heart attack, getting kidnapped and many more, which all of them resulted on Takumi getting fired and being blamed for his death. He was desperate and ashamed because Takumi had not held back on volume and when he got to his door he even stood up from his chair, wobbling his way into the room.

“Kacchan, you’re not supposed to do that!” Deku was saying, coming to stand in front of him immediately. Katsuki walked the remaining steps to Deku and hugged him hard.

“Please get him away from me,” He told Deku a bit desperately.

“Oh, you know he deserves it this time,” He heard Takumi say behind him, still sounding angry.

Deku patted his back. “I hate to say it but he’s right.”

“Aw, come on,” Katsuki whined. “Nothing happened. I’m sorry, alright? I’m not doing it again!”

“You better not,” Takumi snapped back. “I’m leaving. Jesus, this job wasn’t supposed to be this stressful,” He muttered and shortly after that Katsuki heard the door closing.

“You good?” Deku asked after a bit.

Katsuki separated from Deku. “Yes,” He said as he looked around his room. “Where’s your mom?”

“Oh, she’s coming, she just went to the bathroom-”

“Katsuki Bakugou!”

He winced at the sudden voice and Deku only looked at him in sympathy. The amount of times he had gotten called by his full name today was a record. He turned around slowly, dreading to find the anger in the face of Inko Midoriya but he did it anyways. The woman was staring up at him with angry eyes that were also quickly filling with tears and that made Katsuki feel like trash.

“Um, hi?” He said hesitant.

The woman walked quickly towards Katsuki and enveloped him into a tight hug. He felt a little bit taken aback but he hurried to return it, patting his Auntie in the back.

“There, there,” He said, awkwardly.

“I can’t believe you didn’t say anything!” She said, sniffing against his chest. “I had to find out from the news!”

Katsuki winced. “I’m sorry-”

“And then Izuku says that I can’t see you! And then he tells me about seizures and headaches and- I can’t believe you would hide this from me!” She said roughly and separating from Katsuki to give him a betrayed look that reminded Katsuki awfully of the one that Deku gave him when he found out.

“Auntie Inko, I’m so sorry-”

“You better be sorry, Katsuki. Do you know how worried I’ve been?!”

“Mom,” Deku softly interrupted. “Maybe you shouldn’t-”

“Oh, I’m not done with you, young man,” She said narrowing her eyes at Deku and his boyfriend immediately snapped his mouth shut. She took a deep breath and stared back at Katsuki. “Now, go lay down. We have a lot to discuss.”

“Um,” He shot a confused look towards Deku, who only shrugged back, looking as puzzled as him.  “Okay,” He said going to lay down on his bed.

She grabbed the chair near his bed and pushed it closer, sitting down and crossing her arms over her chest. Deku went to sit on the bed next to Katsuki but his mom stopped him.

“No,” She said narrowing her eyes. “You sit next to me.”

Deku’s cheeks went completely red and Katsuki repressed a smirk.

“B-but mom-”

“No buts Izuku, just sit down, I wanna talk to Katsuki right now.”

Deku grabbed another chair and sat next to his mom pouting all the way and Katsuki smiled just a little.

“Now, I wanna know everything,” She said, wiping the smile off Katsuki’s face immediately. “Start from the beginning.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon like that, Katsuki recalling what he could about the tumor thing, and Deku chiming in every time Katsuki couldn’t remember any part of this story. This sometimes involved both Inko and Katsuki surprised at what they were hearing but thankfully he was able to recall most of everything. To no one’s surprise, he got lectured for quite some time for the second time that day and he ended with more extra blankets and pillows that were really necessary for his small bed.

It wasn’t until it was quite late that Inko was leaving, hugging Katsuki tightly and promising that she was gonna come back as soon as she could and that she would bring tons of food because she knew that hospital food sucked. Katsuki hugged her back and thanked her even though eating wasn’t something that he was enjoying at the moment, but he would die before saying no to her cooking. When she stepped away, Deku took her place, sitting on the side of the bed and leaning to whisper something in Katsuki’s ear.

“So, I talked to Takumi and I kind of got permission to stay here for the night.”

Katsuki’s eyes widened, and he turned his head to stare at his boyfriend.

“Really?” He asked quietly. Deku nodded smiling and his cheeks were a starting get a faint blush. “You think maybe we can-”

“Shh!” Deku said, glancing quickly towards his mom. “Yes. I’m just going with her to the train station and then I’ll be back, so wait for me.”

Katsuki nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, whatever you want,” He said quickly.

Deku smirked at him and leant down to give him quick kiss in the corner of his mouth.

“I’ll be quick,” He whispered, before leaving with his mom with a last sly glance.

Katsuki laid down on his bed, feeling excited after what felt like a long fucking time. It had been ages since he and Deku had done anything because he was stuck in the fucking hospital. He turned on the TV and tried to distract himself while he waited for Deku to come back, repressing his urge to smile like an idiot the entire time.

There were hands stroking his hair and it took a while for Katsuki to realize that he wasn’t dreaming. He opened his eyes tiredly and he looked to his side, finding Deku laying down next to him and staring at him with a small smile on his face.

“Shh, go back to sleep,” His boyfriend murmured.

Katsuki was suddenly completely awake. He sat up on the bed quickly and looked around, noticing the lights were off and he was covered with a blanket.

“I fell asleep?” He asked, voice slurred due to his tiredness. “Fuck,” He said covering his face with his hands. “I’m sorry, Deku, I- I didn’t even notice-”

“Hey,” Deku interrupted, sitting up too and putting a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay, I don’t mind. You can go back to sleep.”

“I mind!” He said frustrated, but he was struggling to keep his eyes open. “We can-” He pushed Deku on to the bed. “We can still do something-”

“Kacchan,” Deku said laughing a bit and grabbing the hands that were trying to take his shirt off. “You’re tired. Just go to sleep, we can try tomorrow.”

Katsuki felt a bit like he couldn’t control anything in his life anymore and he laid down on the bed, hugging Deku very hard.

“I’m sorry,” He said, sounding miserable.

Deku kissed his forehead. “I know. It’s okay. I love you.”

“I love you,” Repeated Katsuki and closed his eyes, trying hard to not let any tears slip.

He fell asleep with Deku’s hands on his hair, and oddly enough, he dreamed of sunsets and then complete darkness.

Chapter Text

In Katsuki’s Bad Days, when he couldn’t remember much of anything but the pain in his head, he would get put on medication. It always made him feel fuzzy and stupid, but at least that way he’s pain-free for a relatively decent amount of time.

“Hey Deku, have you tried the Italian pasta called penne?” He had asked one time that he was almost crying from pain and Takumi had to put him on a pretty high dose of pain medication.

“Sure,” Deku answered. He was laying his head on Katsuki’s chest, hugging him tight.

“Did you know that penne means dick in Spanish?”

Deku looked up at him, an amused smile on his face.

“Does it really?”

“Yes,” Katsuki answered, nodding seriously. “Imagine going to a restaurant and asking for dick pasta. That’s hilarious.”

Deku giggled. “It’s a bit funny.”

“Penis pasta,” Katsuki said. “Cock pasta, prick pasta, wiener pasta, bone-”

“Okay!” Deku interrupted loudly. “I think that’s enough,” He said laughing.

That was another thing he had noticed. Deku was in the hospital pretty often, like he used to. Sometimes he would remember that his boyfriend was supposed to be in his internship but most of the time he was too tired, too drugged, or just in too much pain to really notice it enough to talk to Deku about it. When he did realize, he made a big deal about it, but as time went on it was harder to gather the energy to fight his boyfriend on it and he was mostly just glad to have him close. His friends started to visit him more often too, which was nice. It gave him some sort of normalcy to hang out with them when he was having one of his Good Days, even if those involved throwing up in a bucket all day, but at least it wasn’t as painful as his Bad Days.

One time, there was a knock on his door while he was throwing up for the third time that day and he suppressed the urge to scream that he was fucking busy. The person came in anyways and Katsuki lifted his head from where he had just thrown up in a bucket and looked up at Kaminari’s slightly disgusted and concerned stare.

“You know, Kaminari,” he said weakly, while scrunching his face in thought. “I think I might be a bit sick.”

Kaminari looked at him horrified and confused. “You think you might-?!”

Deku laughed, coming out of the bathroom, and sat on the bed next to Katsuki, moving his sweaty bangs out of his forehead.

“Um, I think he’s right, Kaminari,” Deku said, mimicking his thoughtful expression. “Doesn’t he look a little bit under the weather to you?” Deku grabbed Katsuki’s face and angled it towards Kaminari.

Kaminari stared at the both of them looking completely lost. Katsuki couldn’t take it anymore and laughed, leaning half of his body on his boyfriend. Deku was laughing too but was obviously trying not to be so blatant about it.

“God, you’re easy, Sparky,” Katsuki said his voice sounding painfully hoarse.

“You’re both mean,” Said Kaminari pouting and taking a seat in the chair next to bed.  

Unfortunately, Katsuki mostly had Bad Days now. There wasn’t that much time left in his treatment, according to Takumi and Amari, so that meant surgery was rapidly approaching, which was something he was dreading because he wasn’t even sure what the chances were of it even working at this point.

On a particular Bad Day, in which his head was killing him, and he couldn’t get put on more medication because according to Takumi he might die of an overdose, he was trying to distract himself from the insufferable pain that now lived in his head. Todoroki was sitting by his side, keeping him company until Deku came back from wherever he was off to.

“Could be worse,” He muttered quietly to himself.

“What?” Todoroki asked confused and leaning forward to hear him better.

“It could be worse,” He repeated, turning his gaze to Todoroki. “I could be kidnapped.”

Todoroki was staring at him with a dumb lost look but Katsuki paid no mind to him and continued.

“I could be fighting to save my life from murderous assholes,” He said, almost laughing at the prospect.

Todoroki was silent for a few more seconds, but then he talked, sounding a bit hesitant.

“... you could be failing English.”

“That’s right!” He said, excited that his friend was indulging him. “I could be living at my parent’s house,” He added.

“You could be living at my parents’ house,” Todoroki said back, equally excited.

“Fuck, that’s a good one,” He said laughing. “I could be eating shrimp.”

“... what are you guys doing?”

The both of them turned their eyes towards the door, where Deku was standing, wearing the school uniform and his bag on his shoulder, staring at them as if they both had went insane.

“Hey, babe!” Katsuki said cheerily. “Come on, sit down. We’re playing What Could Be Worse.”

“Could be worse than what?” Deku said, dropping his bag on the desk and grabbing a chair to sit next to Todoroki.

“Than having cancer, of course,” Katsuki replied.

Deku’s reproachful stare immediately went to Todoroki and the guy seemed to slump in his chair.

“I- he- he started it!” Todoroki spluttered, shifting uncomfortable in his chair.

“Don’t indulge him, Todoroki-kun!” Deku said sternly.

“But he wanted-”

“Dekuuuuu, come on,” Interrupted Katsuki tiredly, rolling his eyes. “It’s just a game. Keep up. I could have diarrhea.”

No one said anything for a bit and Katsuki stared pointedly at Todoroki, narrowing his eyes.

“...um, you could get shot?” Todoroki added, avoiding looking at Deku and Katsuki smiled triumphantly.

“Todoroki-kun!” Scolded Deku again.

“I could have an ugly boyfriend,” Katsuki immediately continued.

Deku’s cheeks turned a bright red. “Kacchan...” He said more gently.

“You could have no boyfriend!” Todoroki said excited and Katsuki agreed cheerily with him.

The both of them stared at Deku for some time, prodding him to say something himself.

“I… I guess, you could get hit by a car?” He said sounding hesitant.

“Shit, you’re right,” Katsuki said grimacing. “I do not want to get hit by a car.”

“I don’t want you to get hit by a car either! I don’t like this game!” Deku said in distraught.

“You could be waiting in line for ages to get a coffee and then once they take your order, they mess up your name, so you spend a whole half an hour wondering who the fuck is Pomodoki and when you finally realize it’s you and you get your order, you take a sip just to find out they messed up your coffee too. So basically, you wasted your money and almost an hour of your life on a thing that you didn’t even enjoyed.”

Katsuki and Deku stared a Todoroki without saying anything for a few seconds.

“You’re really passionate about this, right?” Katsuki said, suppressing a snort.

Todoroki crossed his arms over his chest, pouting. “It was a really crappy coffee.”

--

“I’m sorry I’m boring now,” Katsuki said, laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling. He was slightly high.

“Oh, Blasty, you’re not boring!” Ashido said, resting her chin on his stomach.

“I am,” He said stubbornly. “I’m probably gonna fall asleep in the middle of this conversation.”

“That’s kind of exciting,” Kirishima said, poking his ribs and earning a weak smack in the arm by Katsuki. “We’re always at the edge of our seats, wondering whether it’s gonna happen minutes after we come or if it’s gonna be by the end of the conversation-”

Katsuki turned his head towards Kirishima and narrowed his eyes at him.

“Are you guys making bets?”

Kirishima snapped his mouth shut and looked away.

“No.”

“You fucking are,” He said accusingly and Kirishima squirmed in his seat.

“He’s what?” Sero asked, entering the room with Kaminari, and holding a heavy looking plastic bag.

Katsuki tried to glare at the four of them from his place in the bed.

“You’re all making bets about when I’m gonna fall asleep whenever you visit.”

Everyone avoided looking directly at him until Ashido cleared her throat.

“Anyways, guys,” She said, staring pointedly at Sero and Kaminari. “Didn’t you bring something for Bakugou?”

“Yes, that’s right!” Kaminari said quickly, going to sit at the end of the bed, Sero coming behind him and doing the same. “Whip it out, man,” He said to Sero.

Sero pulled out a square box and placed it in the bed, pushing it towards Katsuki.

“We wanted to cheer you up, so we thought you might like this,” Kirishima said gently.

Katsuki stared at everyone a bit confused but sat up on his bed with the help of Kirishima and grabbed the box anyways. It was a bit heavy, so he carefully put it on his lap and removed the top. Inside there was a big round cake covered in white icing and colorful sprinkles all over with the word CANCER written on it in capital letters and next to them the drawing of a heart in red icing right in the middle of it.

“Uh,” He said, staring at it without really knowing what to say.

“What?” Asked Ashido urgently, leaning to look at the cake. “We know you like chocolate, so what’s the-” She stopped talking and stared at it for a few seconds, a blank expression on her face. She then stood up and walked towards Sero and Kaminari, smacking both in the back of the head and glaring at them angrily. “Guys, what the fuck?”

“Ow! What? What’s the problem?” Sero asked frowning and rubbing the place Ashido had hit.

“What do you mean what’s the problem?! This was your only job, idiots! How did you mess it up?!” She said, smacking them again.

“Stop it!” Yelped, Kaminari. “What do you mean?”

Kirishima slapped a hand over his face, looking defeated.

“All you had to do was buy a cake,” He said, sounding pained.

“Shit,” Said Kaminari, that had come near Katsuki to stare into the box. “You think that’s what they meant when they said their store wouldn’t write any offensive things on their products?”

Ashido smacked Kaminari once again. “If they said that then why did you buy it?!”

“I thought the message was ‘beat cancer’!” Kaminari replied, trying to get out of the way of Ashido’s hands.

“It’s always been ‘fuck cancer’!” Kirishima said, rolling his eyes irritated.

“I didn’t know that! Sero gave them the message.”

Sero managed to duck from Ashido’s smack.

“Kaminari didn’t tell me they said that!” He said defensively, grabbing Ashido’s hands. “Sorry,” He added, sending an apologetic look towards Katsuki.

“Blasty, we’re so sorry,” Ashido said, still trying to hit Sero.

“We really are,” Added Kirishima, and he looked at him with eyes that were too sad. “This was supposed to cheer you up.”

“It’s our bad, man,” Kaminari said worriedly.

Katsuki looked at them without saying anything for a couple of seconds and then he couldn’t stop himself from bursting into laughter. His friends stared at him with puzzled looks and then Kaminari started to laugh too, quickly infecting everyone else with it.

“You guys got me a cancer cake,” Katsuki said, still laughing.

“We really are sorry,” Ashido said, wiping some tears from her eyes. “It was meant to be inspiring!”

“What’s more inspiring than cancer, really,” Katsuki said smiling tiredly and staring at his cake with fondness. “Thanks,” He said, feeling really sad out of nowhere, and blinking tears out of his eyes. He was so grateful for his friends, even if they did mess up every once in a while. He wouldn’t have them any other way. Later that day, when he was throwing up the three bites of cake he had ate, he still felt the same.

--

Katsuki hadn’t stopped thinking about Kimura ever since he met him. More specifically, he couldn’t stop thinking about sunsets and darkness. At first, he tried to keep his mind off it, to keep being optimistic as he always had been and to convince himself that it was just a small step-back. But as the headaches became more intense, and as it was harder and harder to stay awake for more than a couple of hours, he realized that it wasn’t such a crazy possibility. The thought usually came to him out of nowhere too, sometimes he would be talking to Deku and then thoughts of never seeing him again would flood his mind, making him quietly freak out for quite some time until he managed to distract himself from them. Other times, they would come during the excruciating headaches, making him think that this was it, this was the thing that was gonna end him.

It didn’t truly hit him until he was in one of his sessions, staring at the painting of The Starry Night hanged on the ceiling, and he realized that he was probably not going to survive. For some reason, he didn’t panic. He kept staring at the colors in the frame, and he tried to imagine if dying would look like this for him, a sky full of stars instead of a colorful sunset. He thought about Deku, his friends, his dream to become a hero, and he felt overwhelmingly sad.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Takumi said suddenly next to his bed. Katsuki hadn’t even realized his session was over.

Katsuki stared at him for a bit, swallowing the lump in his throat.

“Takumi,” He said quietly.

“Yes?”

“I think I’m gonna die.”

Saying it out loud made it much more real and he was struggling to not burst into tears. Takumi was staring at him with wide eyes and for the first time since Katsuki had known him, he looked like he didn’t know what to say. He opened and closed his mouth a few times and when he finally talked, he said something Katsuki wasn’t expecting.

“Want to see my quirk?”

Katsuki frowned.

“I didn’t-”

“Just,” Takumi interrupted, his voice sounding panicky and rushed. “Don’t you wanna know my quirk? You’ve never asked before.”

“Fine,” He said confused but curious.

“Great,” Takumi answered, smile a bit strained.

He walked away from the bed and went towards a corner of the room staring up the ceiling, when he was under one of the lights, Takumi jumped and since the ceiling was quite low, he managed to touch the lightbulb without much effort. At first, Katsuki thought he had broken the light, but when he leaned forward to look at it better, he realized that the bulb was still intact, and that Takumi’s hand had turned into a fist with a faint light coming out of it.

“What the hell-”

“I’m not done yet,” Interrupted Takumi, and then proceeded to tap at every lightbulb in the ceiling until the only light in the room was coming through the glass doors from the ones in the hallway.

Takumi then stood in the middle of the room, and by this point Katsuki was sitting up, watching attentively to what he would do next. He had his hands close together, as if he was holding something between them and the light coming out of them was more intense now. He started to move them, changing the intensity of the light emitting from his hands, and then he did something, placing his hands in a position Katsuki couldn’t quite see. And suddenly, the room was illuminated by what looked like hundreds of rays of light that were coming out of Takumi’s hands. It almost looked like they were surrounded by a million stars in the darkness of the room and Katsuki found himself staring at them completely amazed.

“You like?” Takumi asked after a few moments of silence.

“It’s amazing,” He said still looking around with wide eyes and a smile. “Who knew you could do something actually cool.”

“Hey, I’m very cool, mind you.”

“Yeah, right,” He said laughing. “So, did you just ruined the electricity of this room or can you put them back?” He asked curiously.

Takumi opened his hands, and the lights quickly went back to their lightbulbs as if they were drawn to them, making the room bright again.

“Cool,” He said again, staring at Takumi’s hands. They were a bit irritated, as if they had been splashed by hot water. “Are you okay?” He asked.

“Yeah,” Takumi said looking down at his hands and shrugging. “Happens when the lights are too hot. It’s fine, I’m used to it.”

“Is it like an electricity thing?” He asked, wondering if it was similar to Kaminari’s quirk.

“No,” Takumi answered. “I’ve tried before, but I can only do it with things that have light in them.”

“Oh, then I guess it isn’t that impressive,” Katsuki said shrugging dismissively.

Takumi laughed while rolling his eyes and helped Katsuki out of the bed and on to his wheelchair. He didn’t mention what Katsuki had said and Katsuki didn’t want to make Takumi feel uncomfortable again, so he didn’t say anything either. But when they finally were in his room and Takumi had helped him into his bed, the nurse was wearing a weird look on his face.

“What?” Katsuki asked warily.

“I…” Takumi swallowed audibly. “You know I’m here for you, right? Whatever you need, just… say the word.”

Katsuki didn’t say anything for a bit, feeling stupidly emotional.

“Yes, I know,” He said rolling his eyes, but blinking a little too much. “No wallowing,” He added almost out of habit.

“Ugh, you weirdo,” Takumi said smiling at him amusedly.

Takumi finally left and Katsuki was left alone to deal with the fact that he was going to die and if he cried about it until he fell asleep then no one had to know.

--

A few days later, he was lying on his bed with Deku. They were side by side and he was holding his boyfriend’s hand, staring at it in deep thought instead of looking at the movie they had put on.

“Hey, Deku,” He said, turning his head to the side to stare at him.

“Mm?” Asked Deku, looking away from the movie to look at him, eyebrows raised in curiosity.

Katsuki took a deep breath before speaking, feeling his heart thump rapidly in his chest.

“Can I wallow for just a bit?” He asked carefully.

Deku’s eyes widened immediately, and he looked as if someone had dropped a bucket of freezing water on him. He looked away for a few seconds, blinking rapidly. Katsuki felt a bit bad about it but he had already asked the question so there was no turning back now.

Deku swallowed and then nodded, staring at him with vulnerable eyes.

“Of course,” He murmured, reaching out a hand to comb it through Katsuki’s thin strands of hair.

Katsuki reached out and pulled Deku closer, grabbing his shirt in his fists as some sort of support and then squeezed his eyes shut.

“I just want you to know that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” He said quietly, almost whispering. “You’ve done so much for me. Even when I was a little shit to you, you still decided to be my boyfriend for some bizarre reason and I will forever be grateful to you for that,” He swallowed, trying not to cry like he had been doing the last few nights every time he thought about Deku and about the possibility of not seeing him again. “I love you so much and even… even if this whole tumor thing hadn’t happened, you would be it for me. You are it for me, Izuku Midoriya. You’ve made my life so much better just by being in it. And- and I’m happy. With you. Just... remember that. No matter what.”

When he opened his eyes again, Deku had tears falling from his eyes, and he looked on the verge of straight up sobbing and the sight of it hurt Katsuki’s heart so bad that he rapidly separated himself from Deku.

“Wallowing time is over,” He said quickly and then pushed Deku off the bed.

“What the- Kacchan!!”

Katsuki covered himself head to toe with the sheets and squeezed his eyes shut because he was dying, and he was gonna allow himself at least one moment of cowardice and not wanting to face Deku’s heartbroken expression was it. He heard the sound of Deku’s body hitting the floor and he winced a bit but stayed in his place, waiting for Deku to call him mean or rude but instead everything was silent. It was quiet for quite some time that Katsuki even started to wonder if Deku was okay but shortly after that, he felt the bed dip on one side and then there were arms wrapping around him over the covers and Katsuki shifted his position so Deku could hold him easier. They probably looked ridiculous, with Deku hugging a lump under the sheets, but it didn’t matter because it was Deku, and he wouldn’t do it with anyone else.

“I love you so much,” Deku said, his voice breaking. “You’re my favorite person.”

Katsuki sniffed.

“But you’ve met All Might,” He said weakly.

“I know.”

“Then I’m not your favorite person.”

“You’ve surpassed All Might in my favorite person ranking,” Deku said squeezing him hard. “Welcome to first place, babe.”

“Mm,” He murmured while trying to wrap a hand around Deku’s waist without getting out of the covers. “At least I can say I’ve surpassed him in something,” He added pensively.

Deku said nothing for a while, and it wasn’t until he felt Deku’s chest shaking under his cheek that Katsuki realized he was crying pretty intensely. He was about to get out of the sheets to properly hug Deku when his boyfriend sniffed and pulled him closer to him.

“It should be illegal how much I love you,” He said sounding so hurt that Katsuki felt some tears slip from his eyes too.

“Be careful or I’m gonna have to call the pros on you,” He said, ignoring the wobble of his voice. “Wait, but you’re already here,” He added and poked Deku’s ribs. “Can you arrest yourself?”

Deku let out a laugh, that sounded more like a sob, and pressed his mouth to Katsuki’s head.

“I love you, Katsuki Bakugou,” He whispered. “More than you could ever imagine.”

Katsuki took a deep breath, and then another one, and this time his tears did not held back.

“No-uh,” He said. “I love you more.”

Chapter Text

“Kacchaaan.”

“Kacchan, wake up.”

“Wake uuuup.”

Katsuki’s eyes finally fluttered open, and he found himself staring at his smiling boyfriend.

“What,” He asked grumpily, glaring at him.

“Hi,” Deku said cheerily, his face very close to Katsuki’s and his chin resting on top of his forearms, where they were resting over the bed. He leant down to kiss Katsuki’s nose and then proceeded to push his way on to the bed, effectively moving Katsuki aside and ending with Deku under the covers while Katsuki was still struggling to know if he was dreaming or not.

“What the fuck,” He said weakly, trying to grab some of the covers back.

“You sleep way too much,” Deku said simply, still staring at him with that joyful smile.

“Well, I’ve got cancer,” He said, still grumpy and tiredly rubbing his eyes. “I think I’ve earned a right to sleep as long as I want.”

“Nope,” Deku said reaching out a hand to squeeze one of his cheeks. “We’ve got a big day today, which means you finally have to shower.”

“I shower!” Katsuki said offended and trying to slap Deku’s hand away.

“You stink, baby,” Deku said leaning down to messily kiss his lips. “You’re lucky you have me. Also, we’re changing your sheets today.”

Katsuki sat up with Deku’s help and he frowned at his boyfriend.

“I don’t stink,” He said stubbornly, but subtly tried to sniff himself. “Yeah, I don’t stink,” He said more sure of himself while he glared at his boyfriend, who was currently trying to tidy up his room. “Why is it a big day, anyways?”

“Not telling,” Deku said smiling, and pulled at the sheet Katsuki was still sitting on. “Go on, Kacchan, you have to shower, it’s time. You might have cancer, but I won’t have a dirty boyfriend.”

“I do shower!” Katsuki said annoyed and struggled a bit to get up from the bed. “I showered yesterday.”

“Mm, did you, now?” Deku asked, clearly not believing him.

“I did!” He almost yelled, fighting the childish urge to stomp his feet on the floor.

Deku folded another blanket and didn’t look up at him.

“Yeah, alright,” He said. “Last time I checked, your memory wasn’t so great, babe.”

“Oh my god,” Katsuki said giving up and already heading towards the bedroom, but before entering a thought came to his mind. “Hey,” He said in a more serious tone, and Deku finally stopped his task to look at him. “Why don’t you help me?” He asked, trying his best to indicate through his voice what he really meant and hoping that Deku would get that this time he was actually trying to be seductive.

Apparently, it worked, because Deku dropped the laundry basket on the floor and gave him a sly smile, before walking towards him and sliding his arms over Katsuki’s shoulders over to the back of his neck. Katsuki smiled too, feeling triumphant and grabbed Deku’s waist, pulling him closer.

“Kacchan,” Deku said quietly, their lips very close together. “No,” Deku said in such a sweet voice that Katsuki almost didn’t notice what he had said.

“What?” He asked, taken aback.

“I said no,” Deku said, quickly kissing his lips before breaking away and continuing his task of, apparently, cleaning the entire room. “I told you, today’s a big day and I’ve got stuff to do.”

“But you’re here,” Katsuki said confused and trying not to pout.

“Yes, but I’ve got secret stuff to do while you’re in the shower.”

“But…” He began, his dumb brain struggling to grasp the fact that he was no longer sleeping or getting laid. “Well, what if I die in there and you don’t notice?”

Deku stilled from where he was dusting the bed, his smile dropping from his face and Katsuki regretted his words immediately. He was already opening his mouth to apologize for being such an idiot but Deku beat him to it.

“You won’t,” He said, in a very serious tone that would’ve made Katsuki think that he was angry at him, if it weren’t for the fact that he kept talking. “So, make sure you scrub behind your ears and all that, I’ll be here. Busy.”

“I’m sorry,” He said anyways because he really was.

“It’s okay,” Deku said smiling, but it looked strained. “Stop stalling and go shower, Kacchan, don’t make me come over there.”

“Fine,” He said and finally went to take shower. He tried to be very careful just so he wouldn’t actually slip and die and make Deku’s life way harder than he already was.

--

When he got out of the shower, Deku had cleaned the entire room, changed his sheets and reorganized his desk. He also had laid down some clothes that he clearly wanted Katsuki to wear, and he eyed them curiously, noticing that instead of his usual convo of sweatpants and hoodies, Deku wanted him to wear jeans and a not so informal long-sleeved black shirt. When he looked for Deku, he finally noticed that he was in the middle of a phone call.

“Hey,” He said, sitting down on his bed. Showering had left him quite exhausted.

“Hi,” Deku answered quickly, smiling at Katsuki. “Yes, just have it ready, please. Okay, bye,” He said to the phone before hanging up.

“What do you need to have ready?” He asked, even though he knew Deku was probably not going to tell him.

“That’s none of your business,” Deku said, coming to kiss Katsuki on the lips. “Let’s get you ready.”

“Why am I so dressed up?”

“Because it’s a big day!”

Katsuki rolled his eyes but let Deku help him get dressed. By the end of it, Katsuki was feeling so tired that his eyes were drooping a bit and he was breathing heavy.

“This isn’t gonna work,” He said, starting to feel frustrated. He was sitting down on his bed, but he knew he was two seconds away from falling asleep. “I’m too fucking ill for whatever you had planned,” He said miserably. “I’m sorry,” He added quietly, trying to not pathetically burst into tears.

“Hey,” Deku said, pushing him gently on the bed and covering him with a blanket. “It’s okay,” He stroked Katsuki’s cheek, giving him a loving smile. “I had this scenario planned, you can take a nap. Just for a bit, I’ll wake you when it’s time.”

“Did you really?” Katsuki asked, his eyes already closing.

“Of course, babe,” He felt the pressure of warm lips against his own and then he fell asleep.

--

“I don’t know why waking him up it’s so hard now. He used to be such a light sleeper. Come on, Kacchan, it’s time!”

“… yeah, that usually happens when-”

“Please stop talking.”

“Sorry.”

“Up, Kacchan, or you’re gonna miss your big day. Kacchaaaan-”

“I’m up,” He said opening his eyes slowly and facing Deku. “You’re annoying today,” He murmured, voice slurred due to his tiredness.

“Yes, I’m the worst. Now stop complaining and get up,” Deku said, grabbing his hands to pull him up.

Katsuki let Deku help him out of bed and then directed him towards his wheelchair. It was then that he noticed that Takumi was the other person in the room that he had heard before.

“Wait, you guys are together,” He said confused.

“Yes, well, not by choice,” Deku said huffing and pushing him towards the door.

“You clean up nice,” Takumi said grinning.

“Watch it,” Deku said grumpily.

Katsuki looked down at himself and noticed that he was wearing much less trashy clothes than he usually did.

“What-”

“Big day today, remember?” Deku said suddenly in front of him, holding his face in both hands.

Katsuki slowly nodded. “Yes, I remember,” He said, and he actually did. He was even surprised about how quickly the memory came to him, unlike some other times when it didn’t come at all.

“Good,” Deku said smiling and kissed his nose. “Here,” He said, and slid something over his head. “So you don’t get cold.”

Katsuki’s hands went to his head and he noticed that the thing Deku had slid on his head was a beanie.

“Why would I get cold?”

“You’ll see,” Takumi said next to them. “Let’s go, it’s getting late, and I don’t want to get fired.”

“Don’t be dramatic,” Deku said rolling his eyes before standing up to grab Katsuki’s chair.

“Where are we going?” Katsuki asked.

“Stop asking questions, just wait,” Deku said and Katsuki could almost picture his cheeky smile.

They continued their way down the hall and then headed towards the elevator and Katsuki was still completely lost as to what they were doing. It wasn’t until they had gone inside the elevator and they started going up that something jolted his memory.

“Wait,” He said. “This is familiar.”

“Is it?” Takumi asked and he sounded annoyed for some reason.

“You’re about to find out,” Deku said when they finally stopped, and the doors slid open. It was a dark narrow hallway and then Katsuki’s brain finally connected the dots and he realized that they were at the rooftop Kimura had brought them some time ago.

“How did you-”

“I’ll explain later,” Deku said quickly.

Takumi had walked in front of them, and he opened the door. Deku pushed him through it, immediately feeling the cold wind and confirming that they were in fact on the rooftop, but he couldn’t really see anything because everything was dark.

“What is-”

The lights were suddenly on and what looked like at least thirty people were all over the rooftop, first thing he noticed was that everyone was wearing party hats and pulling party poppers.

“SURPRISE!!” They all shouted, and confetti fell all over them. He was rendered speechless for a few seconds and he noticed that there was even music coming out from somewhere.

“What the fuck?” He asked weakly, trying to not freak out.

“It’s a party!” Said Deku, slipping a party hat on his head over his beanie. “Happy half birthday!” Deku said excited.

“Half birthday?” He asked baffled, looking up to find Deku staring down at him with a huge smile on his face.

“Yes! Today you’re officially eighteen and a half, so we’re celebrating!”

Katsuki said nothing, feeling way too stunned yet, and looked around, noticing that there were strings of lights hanged all over the rooftop, illuminating the place with a soft yellow light. Tied to the two poles by the edge of the rooftop was a sign that read Happy half birthday!!, with the word half clearly written by someone else with a glittery silver marker. There were tables and chairs scattered around the place occupied by different groups of people that Katsuki’s tumor-infested brain struggled to even recognize.

“How did you-”

“Blasty! Happy half birthday!”

Katsuki looked towards the sound and found Ashido walking quickly towards him, immediately leaning down to hug him once she was close.

“Are you surprised?” She asked, smiling.

“Very,” He said still startled.

“Can I steal him for a bit? Thanks, hun!” She said quickly without waiting for Deku to respond and then proceeded to grab his chair to take him somewhere else. Katsuki looked back at Deku, panicking just a bit, but when he found his boyfriend smiling at him with both thumbs up, he let himself relax a bit and smiled back. “There’s so many people dying to talk to you, so the Bakusquad wants to be the first ones to get you.”

“Idiots,” He said trying to hide his fond smile. “Has this been planned for long?” He asked curiously.

“Oh, yes! Midoriya has been working on it like crazy, making sure everything was perfect for tonight. I think he might’ve aged a little with how detailed he’s been.”

Katsuki felt his heart go soft.

“Did he really?” He asked touched.

“Please wipe that smitten look from your face,” Ashido said playfully. “It’s bro time.”

“Bro time?” He asked amused, looking up at his friend.

“Shush,” She said as they reached the table where his friends were.

“Hey, half birthday boy!” Kirishima said smiling and moving some chairs so Katsuki would be able to fit in the table without getting off his wheelchair. “The man of the hour!”

“Shut up,” Katsuki said feeling a bit self-conscious, but he was smiling too. “This is insane,” He muttered, taking another look around and this time he noticed a table near the door that was filled with water bottles and what looked like a way too big amount of packages of chocolate pudding. “What is that?” He asked warily.

“Oh, that’s the food tonight, everyone’s having chocolate pudding and water since that’s the only thing you eat. It’s called the Bakugou Special!” Kaminari answered while holding up his own chocolate pudding.

“Oh my god,” He said, not knowing if he wanted to laugh or burst into tears. “That’s ridiculously thoughtful.”

“Well, you have a very thoughtful boyfriend,” Ashido said smiling, and leaning to squeeze his hand.

“I know,” He said warmly, staring at where Deku was currently chatting with a very excited Aoyama and feeling his heart skip a beat.

“God, it’s almost like he has hearts in his eyes,” He heard Sero mutter teasingly and Katsuki turned his eyes to glare at him.

“I think it’s sweet,” Jiroh interrupted while she took a seat next to Katsuki. “Happy half birthday. How are you, Bakugou?” She asked, and he realized that she was one of the few people that had managed to ask that question without it sounding like she was wallowing.

“Pretty good,” He answered, like he always did. “You know, living my best life. Just me, myself and my tumor.”

Jiroh snorted. “Sounds awesome.”

He continued talking with his friends, all of them catching him up to their experiences during their internships, their results in their exams and the incredible amount of homework plus training that they were being subjected to these last few months Katsuki had been off school. He found that he was enjoying himself and even though some part of him was bitter and angry that he couldn’t be experiencing all those things himself he realized that he mostly felt glad for his friends. At peace with that fact. Was this what Kimura meant when he said he had accepted he was gonna die? Katsuki didn’t exactly think so but he thought he was maybe getting there.

After some time had passed, in which Kirishima and Kaminari finished four puddings each, Deku came to their table.

“Here,” He said as he handed Katsuki the hoodie he was previously wearing. “You’re cold.”

“My stalker boyfriend,” He said, struggling a bit to put it on. It was huge on him, not only because Deku was ridiculously ripped but also because Katsuki was now very thin. “How did you know I was cold?”

“A good stalker never reveals his secrets.”

“That’s a magician.”

“Same thing,” Deku said as he squeezed one of Katsuki’s shoulders. “I’m taking him back,” He announced to the table.

“I’m not a package,” Katsuki protested, slightly offended.

“Oh, please, take him,” Kirishima said. “He’s been pining for you this whole time anyways.”

Katsuki flipped him off. Deku laughed.

“Thanks guys,” Deku said as he grabbed his chair and moved him away. “More people want to talk to you, you’re very popular tonight,” Deku was saying as he directed them towards a different table.

The first person he noticed was Todoroki.

“Ugh, you again, I’m sick of your face,” He told Todoroki once he was close enough.

“We haven’t seen each other in two days,” Todoroki answered, looking genuinely confused.

“He’s just teasing you, Todoroki-kun. Kacchan, don’t be mean,” Deku said, placing Katsuki in the table and taking the seat next him.

“Bakugou-kun!” A booming voice interrupted that made everyone in the table jump. “I must wish you a very happy half birthday! We’re all really glad that you could attend this unusual gathering,” Iida said gesticulating wildly.

“Thanks,” Katsuki said a bit overwhelmed.

“How are you holding up, Bakugou-kun?” Uraraka said carefully, staring at him with wide eyes.

Katsuki saw Deku shake his head quickly because that sounded very much like wallowing but since he was in a good mood, he decided to let it slide.

“My tumor and I are okay, thanks,” He answered simply.

“How’s been living at a hospital?” Tsuyu asked.

“Weird. I think I miss cooking.”

“We all miss your cooking,” Deku added.

“Without you the only other person that cooks is Sato but he only cooks desserts, which is nice, but not the same at all,” Uraraka said sadly.

Katsuki snorted. “Sounds like you should learn.”

“It’s not the same!” Uraraka complained dissapointed.

The rest of the evening was spent like that, Deku taking him to different tables and spending some time there, hanging out with his classmates. It was a bit weird because clearly everyone was trying hard to interact with him normally, not knowing how to address his cancer. Despite that it was nice, he was never a party type of person, but this was nice. Almost like everything was normal again.

He was engaged in a conversation with Tokoyami and Kirishima a bit farther away from the crowd when someone cleared their throat behind them.

“Excuse me,” A deep voice interrupted. “Could I talk to Bakugou alone for a bit?”

Katsuki felt himself froze and his heart started to beat faster in his chest.

“Yes, of course!” Kirishima said with very wide eyes before grabbing Tokoyami and dragging him away leaving Katsuki to try to compose himself before All Might realized how fucking nervous he actually was.

The man walked in front of Katsuki, and he looked just as nervous as he felt, which made him freak out even more. He had never really known how to act with All Might ever since he got kidnapped and he usually avoided him if he could help it, or only talked to him if Deku was with him. It had worked all right the last three years, so the fact that his teacher wanted to talk to him alone was making him pretty fucking nervous.

“How are you, Bakugou?” All Might asked, looking at him with eyes that were definitely too sympathetic to be looking at him and a voice that sounded sad and out of character.

“Good,” Katsuki replied a little too quickly. “Could do without the tumor, I guess. But pretty fine besides that,” He blurted out, trying to be calm but clearly failing.

All Might winced and scratched the back of his neck.

“Ah, I’m sorry, that was a dumb question.”

Katsuki shook his head so fast he even got a bit dizzy.

“It wasn’t. It was a normal question. I expected it, everyone asks that since, you know, I got cancer but. It’s fine. I don’t mind it.”

Katsuki snapped his mouth shut and felt incredibly dumb and wished he could die on the spot just so he would stop embarrassing himself in front of his childhood hero. All Might smiled, looking a bit more relaxed and Katsuki sat on his hands to stop himself from doing anything stupid like wheel himself away in the middle of the conversation.

“Bakugou, I wanted to apologize,” He said in a very serious tone. “I can’t help but feel that I could’ve done more to support you during such a hard time.”

“Why would you do that?” Katsuki asked, genuinely confused.

“Because you’re my student,” All Might replied with an earnest look. “As your teacher it’s my duty to let you know that I’m here to help you with whatever you need and I haven’t done that, or at least, not in the way that I wish I had,” He sighed. “I didn’t really know how to approach you and I wasn’t sure if there was anything that I could’ve done or said to make things easier but that’s not an excuse. I should’ve tried harder.”

“But-” Katsuki started, looking around confused and feeling his heart beat intensely against his chest. “But why would you want to help me?” He asked. He felt awful and he wanted to flee the room.

All Might looked completely taken aback.

“Bakugou, what do you mean?”

“All Might!” Someone interrupted suddenly and when Katsuki turned his head to look he saw Deku approaching them quickly with a worried look on his face. “All Might, I don’t think it’s the right time to talk with Kacchan, maybe-”

“Wait just a minute, Midoriya,” All Might said, still staring at Katsuki with a baffled look on his face. “What did you mean? Why would you think I don’t want to help you?”

“All Might, please, it’s not-”

“Because,” Katsuki said a bit hysterically. “I’ve never- all I’ve ever done is- it was my fault that you- you lost your power because of me and now- and I never-” Katsuki stopped talking to try to breath.

“Kacchan,” Deku said suddenly in front of him holding his hands and squeezing them hard. “We’ve talked about this,” He said quietly, just for him. “It wasn’t your fault, remember? Getting kidnapped was not your fault-”

“Midoriya,” Interrupted All Might roughly. “Let me talk to him.”

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea-”

“Midoriya, please.”

“I…” Deku’s eyes were darting anxiously all over his face as if he was looking for something. He sighed and brought Katsuki’s hands to his lips, pressing his lips against them before moving away. “Alright.”

Katsuki was too busy trying to breath to really pay attention to whatever they were discussing, until All Might was crouching in front of him, staring at his face with very serious eyes.

“Sorry,” Katsuki said breathlessly.

“Bakugou,” He said, voice raw and unwavering. “What happened to me was inevitable. I was always going to end up like this, no matter what. Losing my power in that fight was my choice, and it was worth it because you’re safe. I don’t regret it and I would do it again if it means that I get to save you, do you understand?” All Might raised a hand to squeeze his shoulder. “Bakugou, I want to help you, I will always want you to be safe.”

Katsuki felt too stunned to say anything. He just stared at All Might’s sincere eyes for a while, trying to make his slow brain process everything faster. Once it did, he nodded slowly, feeling his heart relax a bit and his breathing slow down.

“Good,” All Might said. “Now that’s been cleared up, I want you to know that I’m available for anything you need, alright? I’ve had my own experiences with illnesses so maybe I could help you out in one thing or two,” He added giving him a sheepish smile. “I’ll stop hogging your time now. Happy half birthday, Bakugou,” All Might said with a kind smile before walking away and leaving Katsuki feeling completely out of sorts.

“Are you okay?” Deku asked immediately after All Might had left, kneeling in front of him with his hands over Katsuki’s knees.

“I’m fine.”

“You always say that,” Deku said frowning. “Do you want to leave? No one would mind if you preferred to be alone-”

“I don’t wanna leave,” He said taking a last deep breath. “I’m okay now. Um, sorry I freaked out.”

“Don’t be dumb,” Deku said squeezing one of his knees. “You don’t have to apologize. I’m sorry, I probably should’ve talked to him before-”

“Don’t be dumb,” Repeated Katsuki mockingly and Deku rolled his eyes, amused. “Let’s go, I want a pudding.”

Deku kissed his cheek before standing up.

“Of course, what the half birthday boy wants, the half birthday boy gets.”

After that Deku didn’t leave his side whenever people approached Katsuki and every few minutes he would reach out to squeeze his shoulder or to grab his hand, he even did it when Aizawa and Recovery Girl came to talk to him for a few minutes.

Some time had passed when Katsuki was starting to feel exhausted again, but he was trying to hide it from his boyfriend because he knew Deku would take him to his room immediately. He was in the middle of disguising his urge to yawn when someone cleared their throat loudly, making everyone turn their heads towards the sound.

“Um, hi,” Todoroki was saying, looking a bit awkward where he was standing in the middle of the place, holding a chocolate pudding. “I wanted to make a toast,” Katsuki was staring at Todoroki with wide surprised eyes. He couldn’t quite believe he was doing that. “I haven’t always liked Bakugou,” He started, and he heard Sero scream ‘Hear, hear!’ not far away from him. “I thought he was quite rude when I first met him, actually, because he was, I’m sure you guys all remember that,” There was laughter around the crowd. “But what I’ve always noticed is his strength and his incredible determination to be the best. I never got a chance to witness it first-hand until recently, when I got to know him better and I realized what’s behind all that strength,” Katsuki felt a lump in his throat, and he swallowed. “I’ve been with Bakugou since the beginning of his tumor because I’m a nosey bastard, as he would say so himself,” Katsuki laughed weakly along with everyone.

“I’ve watched him through it all and I can honestly say it’s his fault there are now white hairs in the left side of my head,” More laughter. “Getting to know Bakugou has been a challenge, but it’s been one that I’ve thoroughly enjoyed. He’s one of the strongest people I know, and I’m not talking about physical strength. I still remember when he told me that he wasn’t gonna let a small inconvenience like cancer stop him from achieving his dream. And if any other person had said that to me, I wouldn’t have believed it, but it was Bakugou so, naturally, I was pretty much convinced as soon as he said it. So,” Todoroki raised his chocolate pudding, everyone else mimicking him. “This is for you, Katsuki Bakugou, because if anyone can beat this inconvenience, it’s you, man, happy half birthday. To Katsuki Bakugou and his tumor.”

“To Katsuki Bakugou and his tumor!” Everyone chanted after Todoroki before cheering and clapping.

Katsuki felt faint and like there were too many emotions going through his head. He felt incredibly moved and he had the weird urge to hug Todoroki and apologize, because he wasn’t gonna beat that inconvenience, he was gonna die, but he had been too arrogant to see that back then. He could feel himself starting to freak out but he managed to keep it at bay, taking deep breaths.

“You okay?” Deku whispered, looking at him worried.

Katsuki nodded quickly, trying to distract himself.

“Hey,” Todoroki said, taking a seat next to Katsuki.

Katsuki stared at him for a few seconds before weakly punching him in the arm.

“Ow,” Todoroki said frowning and rubbing at his arm.

“That was embarrassing,” Katsuki said, not meaning it at all and he could tell by Todoroki’s smile that he hadn’t believed it, either. “But thank you, it was also… really nice. I appreciate it. A lot,” He added quietly looking away and ignoring the warmth in his cheeks.

When he looked back at Todoroki, he was typing something on his phone.

“You fucker,” He said narrowing his eyes. “You’re writing it down!”

“’Course,” Todoroki said grinning and Katsuki punched him again, harder, and Todoroki yelped. “Stop it!”

The rest of the evening was a blur of conversations with everyone, and it wasn’t until Katsuki’s eyes were falling close in the middle of a chat with Yaoyoruzu that Deku decided it was time to go back to his room. He said goodbye to everyone, receiving long pats in the shower by Aizawa and All Might and, surprisingly, a hug from Recovery Girl before leaving.

“Did you have fun?” Deku asked when they were in his room and Katsuki was struggling his way out of his clothes and into his pajamas.

Katsuki smiled and laid down on his bed, patting the empty space next to him so Deku could join him. Deku quickly obeyed and Katsuki brought him close to him, hugging him as hard as he could, tucking his head in his neck and pressing his lips to his hair.

“You’re perfect,” He whispered. “I loved it. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed hanging out with everyone until tonight. I don’t even know how to thank you.”

Deku pressed himself closer to Katsuki.

“I’m glad,” Deku sighed, sounding relieved. “I was afraid you might hate it.”

“Don’t be dumb,” Katsuki said running his hands through Deku’s curls. “How did you manage to organize it all?”

“Sweat and tears.”

“That must’ve been a lot of tears.”

Deku pinched his arm. “Mean.”

“How did you- fuck.”

Deku straightened up to look at Katsuki.

“What? What is it?”

“Nothing, it’s just- shit- my head hurts. Fuck,” Katsuki said pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes and taking a deep breath.

“What- what do I do? Kacchan-”

“A nurse,” He said clenching his jaw, trying not to scream from pain.

“I pressed the button,” Deku said urgently beside Katsuki. “I- I don’t know what to do- I don’t know how to help you!” He said sounding incredibly distraught and scared.

Katsuki wanted to tell Deku that all he needed was medication, so he could stop panicking, but his headache was starting to get so intense that even opening his mouth to talk seemed like an impossible task and all he managed was a pained groan.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Deku was saying over and over again.

He heard the sound of the door opening but he was barely aware of anything but the pain in his head. Someone grabbed his arm and shortly after that the familiar fuzziness of the medication overcame him, making him fall asleep almost immediately.

Chapter Text

His half birthday party was the last Good Day he experienced. A week had passed since then and he was barely able to get up from his bed for anything but go to the bathroom or go to his radiotherapy sessions. He felt tired all the time and his headache medicine made him feel fuzzy for hours and hours after taking it. He could tell everyone around him noticed the change too, in the way their eyes would sometimes go shiny whenever he would wake up after a pretty long nap, feeling confused and awful and in pain; or in how Deku would now leave the room pretty often for short periods of time, always coming back with puffy eyes and a hoarse voice.

Somehow, Katsuki felt calm in a bittersweet type of way. There was something reassuring about knowing that he was gonna die and there was probably not much he himself could do about it. What sucked was watching everyone he loved suffer because of him.

He was waking up in one of those short moments of clarity and he looked around, expecting to see Deku writing stuff down on his notebook, asleep in a chair or just somewhere around, like he often was. Instead, he found someone else sitting by his side.

“Hello.”

Katsuki’s slow brain took a few moments to realize it was Todoroki.

“Hi,” He replied, his throat hurting.

“Midoriya had to step out for a bit, but he’s coming back soon,” Todoroki said while giving him a reassuring smile.

Katsuki looked away, feeling useless.

“He’s been doing that a lot, lately,” He muttered, and Todoroki winced.

“It’s just…” He sighed. “He’s been having a hard time. I don’t think he wants you to see it.”

“Sure,” He said resigned.

He looked back at Todoroki and felt something weird and uncomfortable tug at his heart strings that had been bothering him ever since his half birthday party and he just knew that if he didn’t say anything now, he would never get to do it.

“I’m sorry,” He blurted out clumsily.

Todoroki frowned. “What? Why?”

“I was naïve, I- I didn’t mean to lie,” He continued, feeling his chest tight.

“What are you talking about?” Todoroki asked, confused.

“There was a time where I really thought I could do it, I… I mean it’s fucking cancer it’s not just... anything,” He finished, swallowing a lump in his throat. “I’m sorry for dragging you into it and making you lie-”

“Shut up,” Todoroki interrupted abruptly and Katsuki frowned, offended.

“Hey-”

“Bakugou, just shut up!” Todoroki yelled, abruptly standing up from his chair and breathing heavy. “You were the one that told me that you weren’t gonna let a small thing like a tumor stop you from achieving your dreams and now you’re saying this shit? I don’t accept it. Either you survive or you survive, there’s no other option!”

Katsuki felt confused for a few seconds, not saying anything and letting the words compute in his head. He felt incredibly touched and he couldn’t help the small smile that took over his face. It was weird, in a way, that Todoroki didn’t want to him to die. Not only like a hero wouldn’t want a victim to die but like a friend wouldn’t want another friend to die. It was hard to believe, but Katsuki felt glad anyway. If anything, he had won a friend in the process, and he was incredibly grateful for that.

“I’m sorry, Todoroki,” He repeated, quietly. “You’ve been a really good friend. I wouldn’t have expected you to, but there you go. Thank you for everything, I really am grateful,” He continued, and if his voice was a little wobbly, no one said anything. “Also, sorry for making you shove a disc down your pants that one time, that was my bad, even though it was pretty funny.”

“Fucking- cut it out, Bakugou!” Todoroki said, looking at him with frantic wide eyes, showing emotion in a way Katsuki had never seen before. “Stop talking like- like you’re giving up!”

Katsuki didn’t say anything for a bit, feeling the weight of those words hit him. He wasn’t exactly giving up, but really, what could he even do? If he could take out that damn lump out of his head himself, he would’ve done it in heartbeat. The reality was that he couldn’t, and it felt better to accept it than to keep convincing himself things would get better only for him to get proven wrong, like he had so far. He thought about Kimura, and finally understood what he had meant by living in denial.

“I’m not giving up,” He replied, and he was only partially lying. “Its… just in case,” He murmured.

Todoroki shook his head and swallowed, taking his seat again. Nobody said anything for a bit and the boy kept on staring at him as if he was incredibly mad but also like he wanted to cry.

“I’ll never forgive you for the disc thing,” He said crossly after a while, crossing his arms over his chest.

Katsuki chuckled. “I can live with that.”

--

“How are you doing, champ?”

Katsuki stared at Takumi, narrowing his eyes, until the nursed winced and scratched the back of his head.

“Felt like a champ moment,” He mumbled sheepishly and Katsuki snorted. “How’s the headache?”

“Five point seventy-nine,” Katsuki replied.

“God, you’re so weird,” Takumi murmured while he adjusted his medicine. “Why can’t you just say five or six?”

“Because it’s not a five or a six. it’s a five point seventy-nine,” He said, enjoying Takumi’s frustrated expression.

“Alright,” Takumi said, giving one last look to his IV drip. “You should have about five minutes before you start feeling high again.”

“Great,” Katsuki huffed bitterly and moved to a more comfortable position on his bed for when he eventually passed out. “Hey, Takumi,” He said, staring up at the nurse while he wrote down some stuff on a chart.

“Yes?”

“Would you be sad if I die?”

Takumi turned his wide eyes towards him looking completely panicked until he noticed Katsuki’s playful smirk. His shoulders relaxed a bit, and a small smile broke into his face while he looked down at his chart again, shrugging.

“Eh, it depends on what type of day I’m having. Say, I saw another cute guy that day, probably not, but if I haven’t there’s a fifty/fifty chance.”

Katsuki snorted and closed his eyes, starting to feel the effects of his medication.

“That’s superficial,” He murmured in amusement.

When Katsuki didn’t hear an answer from Takumi and neither the sound of the door closing, he opened his eyes again and raised one of his eyebrows at the nurse, noticing how fidgety he looked.

“What?” He asked warily.

“Um,” Takumi shifted in his place. “You know your surgery is gonna be next week, right?”

“Yes,” He replied. Deku told him pretty often so he wouldn’t forget it, even though he usually did. “Why?”

“I just-” Takumi swallowed. “I just wanted to make sure you’re feeling okay about it. Like, if you have any questions about the procedure you can ask me or Amari-san anything, in fact, I can call her right now, if you want-”

“Takumi,” He said, his voice a bit slurred already. “I don’t have any questions, it’s fine.”

“But,” Takumi continued, confused. “But you’re so controlling.”

Katsuki huffed, only slightly offended.

“Well, it’s not like I can control how the surgery goes, can I?” He said, trying to disguise the bitterness in his tone. “Besides,” He added shrugging. “It’s not like my chances are that great so. Better just let things be.”

Takumi looked at him with such a Wallowing look that Katsuki felt the need to roll his eyes.

“We don’t know that,” He said stubbornly. “There’s been cases where surgery has worked perfectly fine, and the technology on this hospital is amazing so I would say your chances are-”

“Fifty/fifty?” Katsuki interrupted and Takumi looked at him with a guilty look that just made Katsuki huff. “More like eighty-five/fifteen,” He said rolling his eyes again. “Look, Takumi, I know things aren’t great. I’m not-” He took a break to breathe because even though he had accepted his fate by now it sometimes caught him by surprise still. “I know I’m probably not going to-” His breath caught in his throat again and he decided to just skip over it. “Whatever. It’s fine. I’ve accepted it. Mostly. So you can stop trying to make me feel more optimistic or whatever you’re trying to do,” He finished and his eyes were almost closing on his own at this point.

Takumi swallowed audibly and he wrapped his arms around himself, suddenly looking very unlike himself, his face empty of the playful smirk he always had on.

“Bakugou…” He said in a quiet voice. “Just- um, you’re a great patient,” He said clumsily.

Katsuki let out a laugh that turned into coughing.

“Am I?” He asked, voice hoarse.

“Yes,” He replied. “You’re also a good friend and I-” Takumi looked at the ground. “I would much rather if you were healthy, you know?” He said, scoffing. “It’s very inconvenient for you and I don’t care for it.”

Katsuki laughed again. “I’m incredibly touched.”

Takumi sighed and blinked rapidly before speaking again. “Please tell me if you need anything, alright?”

Katsuki didn’t say anything, having one specific thing in mind.

“Can you like-” He swallowed. “Make sure Deku’s alright? If my chances turn out to not be fifty/fifty?” He asked quietly.

Takumi smiled in a painful way and reached out to squeeze his shoulder.

“Sure, champ.”

Katsuki rolled his eyes, murmuring a thanks, dumbass and finally allowed himself drift into slumber.

--

Everyone had come to visit him during the last week, including some of his teachers like All Might, Aizawa and even Present Mic. Recovery Girl had come too, along with a bunch of his classmates and his friends. Auntie Inko was visiting almost every other day to fill Katsuki with food he didn’t really eat and more pillows than he could ever need, even if he did survive his tumor. They all looked at him with that same concerned and full with pity look that always made Katsuki feel useless and even though he could tell they were all trying not to Wallow it was still pretty obvious they were feeling some type of sadness due to Katsuki’s condition. It sucked, but most of the time he was too drugged on meds to really ponder about it.

On his third day before his surgery, he woke up due the sound of a door closing. He slowly opened his eyes and looked around, finally noticing he was alone. He figured it must’ve been Deku leaving his room while he slept. He sighed, wishing Deku would just talk to him about how he was feeling but knew he was coping in his own way. He sat up and felt surprisingly okay, and found that he was even able to get up on his own to go to the bathroom.

Once he got out, feeling a bit dizzy due to the effort it took him, he heard a voice coming from outside of his room. It wasn’t long before he recognized Deku’s voice, but it was still hard to decipher what he was actually saying, but it was clearly a phone call because there was silence evert few seconds, probably to listen to the other person. He was about to go back to his bed, deciding that Deku was probably talking to his mom or one of his friends, but at the last second he managed to hear the word Kacchan being said. He stood still for a bit, wondering if he was really the type to eavesdrop a conversation he had probably nothing to do with, since Deku could be talking about anything and just so happened to mention that he was with Katsuki or something like that. But when he heard it again, he thought fuck it, and decided that since he was dying, he was that type of person.

He walked towards the door, supporting himself with the wall and pressed his ear against the surface feeling a bit guilty but also curious, wanting to know what Deku whenever he left his room.

“…and I just- I feel so selfish-” Deku cut himself off, listening to the other person. “No, Uraraka, you don’t get it,” Deku said hotly and Katsuki finally realized that his boyfriend was crying. “I keep thinking- I keep thinking about me!” Deku said roughly, voice raw and Katsuki’s stomach turned over in dread. “Like, of course I’m fucking worried and all I wish is for him to be better, to stop being in so much pain, but I-” Deku swallowed. “But what about me?” He said quietly and sounding so incredibly heartbroken that Katsuki felt his own eyes fill with tears. “Who am I supposed to talk to if he’s not here anymore? And I know it’s not about me! But… I don’t know what I’m gonna do! I just- he’s my best friend, he- what am I supposed to do if Kacchan- if he-” Deku stopped talking and Katsuki heard his rapid intakes of air while he listened to Uraraka on the other line.

Katsuki moved away and went back to his bed, lying down on his back and staring at his ceiling. He suddenly wished for the painting of The Starry Night to be hanged on his room too, and he also wished he hadn’t eavesdropped on Deku’s conversation. His heart hurt and he was very aware of the tears coming out of his eyes. He wiped them away roughly and he had never wished to not be dying as much as he was now, if only to make his boyfriend not sound so brokenhearted.

He didn’t know how long he spent looking at his blank ceiling, not really thinking about anything and letting himself feel miserable, when his door opened again. Katsuki looked up and found Deku entering the room, carefully closing the door as if he was trying hard to not make a sound. When he turned around, he startled when he found Katsuki staring at him.

“Kacchan!” Deku said smiling and if Katsuki didn’t know him so well, he probably wouldn’t have noticed the way the smile didn’t reach his eyes and how his expression was a bit forced at the edges. “You’re awake!”

“Yeah,” Katsuki said, swallowing and moved to make room on the bed so Deku could lie down next to him. Deku quickly took off his shoes and walked to the bed, lying on his side so he could stare at him and reaching out to grab one of his hands. “Where were you?”

Deku winced. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have left you alone,” He said with an apologetic voice. “I just... needed some fresh air.”

Katsuki nodded, knowing that Deku was lying to him, but not even thinking about confronting him about it. He didn’t say anything for a bit, and just stared at his boyfriend, noticing the dark circles under his eyes and the way he looked so tired but at the same time restless. He stared at his red-rimmed eyes and his worn-out smile, and he felt painfully guilty. All he wanted was for him to be happy. To be at peace. It hurt to know that even if he died and finally stopped holding Deku back, his boyfriend was still not going to be okay.

He stared at him, trying to memorize every part of him, every freckle, every scar, every smile. He loved him so much it hurt.

“Hey, Deku,” He said quietly, knowing his voice was betraying how he was feeling.

Deku’s eyes immediately narrowed, and he let go of Katsuki’s hand.

“Don’t,” Deku grunted, his voice suddenly sounding angry.

Katsuki frowned, confused.

“What-”

“I know what you’re doing,” Deku said looking away, his jaw clenched. “I don’t wanna hear it.”

“What am I doing?” Katsuki said baffled.

Deku abruptly sat up.

“We’ve been through this, Kacchan,” Deku said sounding frustrated. “We’ve already had this conversation.”

Katsuki blinked, feeling a bit hurt because Deku had to know that he couldn’t possibly remember what he was talking about.

“Right, well, I haven’t, so can I just-”

“Stop trying to say goodbye!” Deku suddenly said, almost yelling but his eyes were already pooling with tears. “You’re not dying! You can’t do this to me, alright?!”

Katsuki was shocked into silence for a few seconds, and he found that instead of feeling annoyed about his boyfriend snapping at him out of nowhere, he just felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness and longing.

“I’m not saying goodbye,” Katsuki said weakly, his voice a little too vulnerable. “If I was saying goodbye, I would tell you-” He swallowed. “I would tell you how much I love you and-”

“Shut up, Kacchan,” Deku said looking at him with a fierce gaze that almost made Katsuki stop talking. Instead, he just took a deep breath and continued.

“And how much it hurts that you’re suffering for my fault. Again. I would tell you how I will always be sorry about what I did to you, and even though you forgave me I will never forgive myself, because I don’t deserve it. I would tell you how there wasn’t a day in my life since our friendship started where I wasn’t grateful for you, where I wasn’t feeling the luckiest person in the world for having you in my life,” Katsuki reached out a hand so Deku would come closer. His boyfriend did, still looking angry and frustrated, but let Katsuki carefully wipe the tears that were falling from his eyes. He kept staring at Deku, looking at him as if he was the most perfect thing in the world, because he was to Katsuki. He was the love of his life, there was never going to be someone else for him. “I’d tell you how proud you make me,” He continued, almost whispering, pressing their foreheads together, staring into green wide eyes that looked so hurt and broken. “How I wish I could spend the rest of my life fighting alongside with you and watching you become the amazing hero you’re gonna be-”

“Kacchan,” Deku interrupted with a heartbreaking sob, all of the anger leaving his face and giving place to sadness, scrunching Katsuki’s shirt so hard he was sure it was tearing a bit. “Kacchan,” He repeated, seeming to be the only thing able to come out of his mouth.

“I’d tell you how, above everything else, all I want for you is to be happy, even-” His voice broke and a few tears escaped his eyes, but he continued anyways. “Even if it’s without me.”

“I won’t!” Deku exclaimed, struggling to speak in between his sobs. “Don’t you get it? I- I can’t! I need you! I can’t be happy if you’re not with me!”

“Then-” Katsuki swallowed. “Then it’s a good thing I’m not saying goodbye,” He said and brought Deku closer, tucking his head under his chin and ignoring his own tears. He wrapped his arms around him, squeezing him as tight as he could, letting Deku cry as much as he wanted and caressing every part of him he could reach.

A long time passed until Deku managed to calm down and when Katsuki looked down at his boyfriend’s still form he noticed he had fallen asleep. He sighed and pressed his lips against Deku’s hairline, letting them rest there.

“You will be,” Katsuki whispered, moving Deku’s bangs out of his eyes. “You’ll be happy again. You have to,” He added, and spent the rest of his time staring at his boyfriend.

--

There was a knock on his door and Katsuki quickly looked down, checking on Deku. He was still asleep, thankfully, softly snoring against his chest. He must’ve really been exhausted. When he looked up again, he saw Kirishima poking his head through the door.

“Sorry,” His friend whispered, wincing. “Should I come back later?”

“Nah, just be quiet,” He answered quietly.

Kirishima walked into the room and sat on the chair next to the bed.

“Aw,” He said, pulling out his phone and snapping a picture.

Katsuki narrowed his eyes. “Fuck off,” And after a bit, “Send it to me.”

“Already did, man,” Kirishima said smiling teasingly and pressing some buttons on his phone before locking it. “So how are you holding up? With surgery day coming soon and all that.”

“I just want it to be over with,” He grunted, feeling resigned.

Kirishima looked at him with soft eyes for a bit before clearing his throat.

“Did you know that naked mole rats are immune to cancer?”

“What,” Katsuki asked.

“Yeah, it’s something about a substance in their bodies, it stops cancer from growing,” Kirishima continued. “Isn’t that cool?”

“I guess,” Katsuki said amused.

“Maybe you should’ve been a mole rat.”

“Eh, those are kind of ugly,” Katsuki said with disdain. “I’ll take cancer.”

Kirishima snorted. “Idiot.”

“Hey, guys!” Ashido said loudly and entering the room.

“Shh!” Katsuki said quickly and looking down at his boyfriend but he was still asleep, thankfully.

“Sorry,” Ashido said whispering and dragging a chair next to Kirishima. “What are we talking about?”

“Naked mole-rats,” Kirishima answered.

Ashido grimaced. “Those are ugly.”

“That’s what I said!” Katsuki said.

“What did you say?” Kaminari intervened, entering the room.

“Shh!” The three of them scolded Kaminari who winced and closed the door carefully behind him before settling on another chair next to the bed.

“We were saying naked mole-rats are ugly,” Ashido said.

Kaminari grimaced, similarly to how Ashido had. “They are ugly, why are you talking about them?”

“They are immune to cancer,” Kirishima said.

“Really? That’s so cool!” Kaminari said excited before turning his eyes towards Katsuki. “Your quirk should’ve been half human half naked mole-rat.”

Katsuki scrunched his nose in disdain. “Sounds ugly.”

“What sounds ugly?”

“Shh!!” The four of them hissed when another voice interrupted them, making Sero, who was opening the door, shrunk into himself.

“Geez, sorry,” He said whispering and closing the door. “What’s ugly?” He asked again while sitting on the floor because there were no more chairs.

“Having a quirk that makes you half human half naked mole-rat.”

“Why would you want that?” He asked frowning.

“Apparently, they are immune to cancer,” Kaminari answered.

“I don’t know if it’s worth it, though,” Sero said, thinking. “Would you be wrinkly all over? And bald?”

“See?” Katsuki told Kirishima.

“But aren’t you going to be bald, anyways? Because of cancer and all?” Kaminari answered.

Ashido smacked him on the head. “Kaminari, for fuck’s sake!”

“Ah, sorry-”

Katsuki just laughed. “Fuck you, I still got hair.”

“Yes, but for how long?” Sero added and Katsuki rolled his eyes, showing them his middle finger.

Deku stirred a bit in his sleep, and everyone snapped their mouths shut, making sure to not make a sound. His boyfriend only pulled Katsuki closer and let out a little sigh before he continued sleeping. Katsuki let out a breath in relief and pushed some hair out of Deku’s face.

“You guys are so cute,” Ashido whispered with a teasing smile on her face.

“Shut up,” Katsuki said, ignoring the way his cheeks felt warm.

“Sure,” Ashido said with a last amused smile before changing the topic.

The rest of the evening was spent like that, just hanging out with his friends, and discussing ridiculous topics together while Deku slept on Katsuki’s chest. He was quiet most of the time, only chiming in when he felt it was necessary, but he was mostly enjoying the comfort of being around his friends. It felt so familiar in a way that made his heart hurt because he was gonna miss this so much. He couldn’t help the way he stared at Kirishima’s snorts every time Kaminari said something dumb that would make everyone else groan, or at how Ashido would elbow or smack someone whenever they pissed her off, or at Sero sharing a look of amusement with him whenever they all started bickering. It truly sucked that he probably wasn’t gonna get more of these peaceful moments with the people he loved, and he suddenly felt like he wanted to cry.

He buried his face on Deku’s green curls and let the voice of his friends lull him to sleep.

--

When Katsuki woke up, it took him a few seconds to figure out why. And then he felt it. His head hurt and there was a loud sound coming from somewhere. It hurt so bad that it took him longer to realize there were tears falling from his eyes and the loud sound was his own screaming. He tried to raise his arms to cover his eyes or do something, anything, but he couldn’t. He was too weak to even raise his right arm to his face and he couldn’t feel his left arm at all. There was someone above him trying to catch his attention but Katsuki couldn’t even tell who it was because his vision was blurry. He felt so scared, in a way he had never felt during his whole illness. He had never experienced this type of pain and he had never felt so vulnerable and useless in his entire life.

He felt someone grabbing at his right hand, the one he could feel, and he weakly turned his head towards the pressure, trying to see who it was. When his vision, miraculously, focused on the person by his side he recognized it immediately. Seeing Deku’s face pushed his fear aside for a few seconds and he felt calm, in a way only Deku could make him feel. He was beautiful. So beautiful. Katsuki tried to squeeze Deku’s hand back and he didn’t know if he actually managed it, but he saw his boyfriend’s face contort into something painful that made him want to reach out and tell him everything was going to be okay. He tried to say it but wasn’t able to formulate a single word. Deku kept talking and talking, tears spilling out of his eyes too, but no matter how hard Katsuki tried, he couldn’t understand a word he was saying.

His eyes drifted to the ceiling and he wasn’t able to concentrate on anything but the pain anymore. He was gasping for air and his vision was getting worse every second it passed, so he just squeezed his eyes shut. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt, and it felt like it was gonna last forever.

There was a pressure on his cheek, and he opened his eyes again, finding Deku pressing his forehead to Katsuki’s temple, green eyes looking at him with such intensity that he felt his heart skip a beat at the sight. He was beautiful. He loved him so much. I love you, Izuku, I love you, he wanted to say, but couldn’t. He tried to raise his hand to touch him, but he was so weak he couldn’t even lift it an inch from the bed. Deku noticed his attempt and took it, pressing it against his cheek and he was still talking but Katsuki couldn’t understand.

He looked at Deku and tried to convey through his eyes all he wanted to tell him, hoped that his boyfriend was able to understand him.

I love you, I love you, I love you, he thought. Please be okay, promise you’ll be okay, I love you.

His head hurt. It hurt so bad. Everything went black, like a dark sky.

Chapter Text

He woke up. Which was pretty unexpected.

Everything hurt and he was so fucking tired. Nothing made sense. The fact that he was awake made no sense and the fact that his head hurt still also made no sense at all.

“…Bakugou.”

Katsuki blinked once, then twice, and was finally able to focus on the voice by his side, he tried to move his head but he immediately felt a pang of pain run through the left side of it, so he just kept staring at the ceiling, incredibly confused and in pain.

“You’re awake?” The person asked, leaning over Katsuki. His brain vaguely recognized him as Takumi.

He didn’t answer, instead he stared at the nurse, trying to understand what was going on while he felt like shit.

“You are,” Takumi said with a relieved breath. He was smiling a lot in a way he hadn’t seen before and it weirded him out a bit. “Well, this is a bit anti climatic,” He added, big unwavering smile still in his face and eyes looking shiny. “We spent all those weeks preparing for your death and now you dare to survive? How selfish of you.”

“Wha-” Katsuki started, and his throat hurt a lot, making his voice sound painfully scratchy.

“Shh, don’t talk,” Takumi said quickly. “Just rest, alright? You probably won’t feel better when you wake up, but there’s always next time,” He said, and his eyes were softer. He reached out and grabbed his hand, squeezing it hard. “You’re alive, Bakugou,” He said, with a warm smile.

Well, fuck, he thought before falling asleep again.

--

Next time he opened his eyes, he wondered if maybe being dead was better, because he felt incredibly awful. He felt as if a sledgehammer had hit his head and his body was heavy and stiff, and when he tried to lift his arms, he found that he couldn’t. He struggled to look down at himself, but when he managed, he noticed there were several cables coming out of him and he started to feel a bit freaked out. How was he even alive? Why couldn’t he move? Why was his head hurting so bad? Nothing made sense, he should be dead, he had made his peace with it, why-

“Bakugou.”

His eyes snapped towards the voice, and he found Amari staring down at him with a small smile. He didn’t answer but he felt a bit reassured by her calm demeanor.

“I’m glad to see you awake,” She continued. “You’ve been asleep for a while. Can you speak?”

“Yes,” He said, his voice rough and hoarse.

“It’s okay, don’t strain yourself,” She hurried to add. “I don’t really want to overwhelm you with a bunch of information when you’ve just woken up, but I wanted to let you know that you’re safe,” She said with a kind smile that made Katsuki want to scream because he had no idea what that meant.

Katsuki took a breath, thinking very hard.

“But-” He began. “How?”

“We believe that your quirk had to do something with it,” Katsuki stared at her blankly, not understanding at all. “You see, there are many investigations studying if nitroglycerin could help with the treatment of cancerous tumors, but due to its side effects it hasn’t actually been tested. But you,” She said staring at him with a wide smile. “You already have nitroglycerin in your system. And we believe it made the removal of your tumor such a successful operation. We managed to extract all of it.”

Katsuki breathed in and out. And then again. And once more. His mind was a complete mess.

“This is weird,” He ended up saying. Having that tumor had turned into such a constant part of his life in the last few months that knowing he no longer had it was making him feel out of sorts and quite hard to accept.

“I’m sure,” Amari said with a gentle smile. “I’m not gonna lie to you, recovery is not going to be easy, and it will take time. But you can rest assured that right now, you’re out of the danger zone,” She finished, eyes too soft.

He didn’t know what to say. It felt surreal. Unbelievable.

“Keep resting,” Amari said. “Maybe I’ll allow you to have some visits when you wake up, they’ve been waiting for quite a while.” He nodded, too tired to try to speak again and trying to digest everything he had just heard.

Amari left the room and Katsuki was left alone, feeling like he was living in an impossible dream.

--

When he woke up, he felt much better, although still like shit. He could actually move and be in an upright position on his bed. His headache was still there but Takumi said that it was normal since his head had been cracked open.

Apparently, his tumor had ruptured, causing that awful headache. He still shivered at the memory of that. It was one of the worst types of pain he had ever experienced, and he was glad he vaguely recalled the whole thing. Takumi explained how they had to rush his surgery so they could extract the tumor before it caused any damage to his brain. After that, he had been asleep for two days to help with his recovery since he was already so weak.

It still felt like it was fake, and it hadn’t completely registered, but he was powering through it.

“Fucking- there. I’m done,” He said quickly, looking at Takumi impatiently. The nurse rolled his eyes.

“Geez, you just got out of brain surgery, shouldn’t you be too weak to be annoying?” Takumi said, moving to take the glass of water from Katsuki’s hand. “You barely ate,” He said reproachfully, staring at Katsuki’s half full plate.

“Fuck off,” Katsuki said, struggling to move the tray away from his lap with only his right hand and he resisted the urge to throw it in the ground instead out of frustration.

Ever since he woke up, he noticed that his left arm wasn’t completely recovered. It was stiff and moving it took quite an effort on him. He couldn’t make a fist with that hand, let alone holding a fucking fork. It had made him quite anxious and scared when he first noticed (how was he gonna fight, was it gonna affect his quirk, would it change his fighting techniques, would he have to come up with different ones), but he was trying not to think too much about it at the moment, instead concentrating on the fact that he was alive and not actively dying anymore.

“I ate, can I get visits now?” He asked quickly. His voice was still hoarse, but it no longer hurt that bad to speak.

“Fine,” Takumi said as he took the tray of food from his lap, rolling his eyes. “But you have to be careful and cannot break the rules. No getting out of bed. No yelling. No physical activity, and that involves making out-”

“Don’t be stupid,” He said rolling his eyes and definitely not feeling disappointed at all.

“You break one of these rules and your boyfriend is out, no matter how intimidating he looks,” The nurse said with a stern look.

Katsuki stared at Takumi with an amused smile. “You think Deku’s intimidating?”

“What? No, shut up,” Takumi said looking away, flustered. “Be nice, I’m in charge of your visits. I could take them away.”

“Just hurry up,” He said fidgeting with the sheets with his good hand.

“I’m going,” Takumi said walking towards the door. Before leaving the room, he looked at Katsuki with a softer expression. “I mean it, Bakugou. Be careful, yeah?”

“Yes, mom,” He said, trying to hide the fond smile on his face and Takumi rolled his eyes one last time before leaving the room.

Katsuki wondered what he looked like. He felt like shit so he probably looked just like that but for some reason he couldn’t help but feel a bit self-conscious about it. He had touched his head the second he had been able to move and all he felt was bandages covering almost completely the left side of his head. He knew they had shaved what little hair he still had, and he was scared to find out what it actually looked like. Probably awful. He glanced down at himself again, noticing the thin hospital gown and the way even that looked too big on him. I used to be strong, he thought, staring down at his bony wrists and feeling a tinge of sadness and frustration fill his chest.

“Kacchan?”

Katsuki’s eyes immediately snapped up. Deku was standing by the door, looking at him with wide panicked eyes that looked entirely too tired and worn-out. Katsuki felt his heartbeat speed up at the sight and he wanted nothing but to get up and go hug him.

“Surprise?” He blurted out after a bit of silence, struggling to know what to do when you made your boyfriend think you were gonna die.

Deku’s eyes immediately filled with tears and Katsuki winced, figuring that that was probably not the right thing to say after almost dying. Deku walked the remaining distance to the bed but came to a halt a few steps away from it, eyes fixed directly on his bandaged head only moving to look at the bunch of tubes and cables connected to him. Deku made a sort of choked sound and a hand covered his mouth, tears falling from his eyes and his chest heaving rapidly. Katsuki grimaced and grabbed at his sheets, trying not to think too hard about how awful he looked.

“Hey,” He said when Deku still hadn’t said anything, just looking at him and crying. “Deku? Are you okay?” His boyfriend said nothing, and Katsuki was starting to get worried. “I’m alive, see? No more tumor, apparently. Hopefully now I’ll be able to say defi- befri- defibra- ah, fuck, I guess that stuck. Whatever, that doesn’t matter. Not that much, anyways. Amari said it was because of my quirk which I think it’s insane but apparently true, so, I guess that’s great,” Katsuki continued, knowing that he was rambling but too nervous and worried to stop. “Hey? Deku? You get it? I’m no longer dying. At least for the foreseeable future. Maybe later I’ll relapse but I guess we now know about my quirk thing so it could be helpful if that ever happens. But I’m safe now. I think. Deku? I’m getting worried here, please say something,” Katsuki said wishing his boyfriend was closer so he could at least try to hold his hand or something.

Deku covered his face with his hands and his shoulders shook.

“Kacchan,” He let out quietly and broken, clearly trying to calm himself down but without succeeding and Katsuki felt his own eyes fill with tears at the sight of his boyfriend looking so devastated. “Sorry, I- I just- you could’ve died and-” He wiped some tears, uselessly because there were more falling from his eyes immediately.

“Deku,” Katsuki said, desperately trying to think of something to calm him down. “Don’t cry, hey, I’m fine now, it’s okay, please don’t cry-”

Deku finally walked closer to him and Katsuki nervously shut his mouth, watching his boyfriend carefully. He sat down on the side of the bed slowly, shoulders shaking with the force of his sobs, and he reached out to gently grab Katsuki’s cheek, moving closer to press a soft kiss on his forehead, avoiding the side that was covered with bandages and letting them rest there even when he spoke.

“I’m so happy,” He whispered, taking a shaky breath. “I was so scared, Kacchan.”

Katsuki moved his right hand to hold the hand on his cheek and closed his eyes, trying to control his own tears.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered back, not knowing what else to say. “I’m okay.”

Deku separated a bit just so he could press their foreheads together and shook his head lightly.

“You absolute idiot, I was so damn scared,” Deku choked. “I really thought… for a moment- they said you might not make it and I… I was so close to losing you, Kacchan, you have no idea what- I wouldn’t even know what I would’ve done if you-” He got interrupted by his own sobs and he took a deep breath, closing his eyes tightly and swallowing, trying to calm himself. Katsuki squeezed his hand, trying to comfort him in some way.

“It’s fine,” He said quietly. “We’ll be okay.”

“Yes,” Deku said still crying, but giving him a smile that made Katsuki’s stomach flutter at the sight. “Yes, we will,” Deku grabbed his other hand and brought his knuckles to his lips, kissing them repeatedly. “I’m so relieved. I love you, Kacchan. I thought I would never get to tell you that again. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Katsuki laughed, sounding more like a sob and now tears were falling from his eyes too because he remembers. He remembers how it felt as if he would never be able to hug Deku again, to have him this close to him and to just look at him. It had been so hard, and it immediately made him want to panic because he had been so close. So close to not seeing this amazing person again. But he did, by some fucking miracle. And it was surreal and wonderful, and he really couldn’t be more relieved about surviving because he got to have this boy that he loved so much caring for him, despite everything he had put him through.

“I love you more,” He said with a wobbly but happy smile all over his face. “You’re stuck with me, nerd.”

“I am,” Deku replied softly, while he kissed his cheeks, his forehead, his nose. “And I’m so happy.”

Katsuki moved his hand to touch Deku’s cheek. His boyfriend kept on talking, probably still blabbing about how worried he had been but Katsuki wasn’t really listening anymore. He couldn’t help the way he was staring at him. God, he loved him so much. He was so lucky to even be alive, but to be alive and have Deku with him was almost unbelievable. He might not be sure of what was gonna happen to him next or what he was gonna do with his life, but right now, he had all he needed right in front of him.

“How are you feeling?” Deku asked a few minutes later. He had pulled out a chair to sit next to him, since laying down next to Katsuki was hard due to the amount of cables coming out of him. He had his head propped over their intertwined hands and was grabbing his thigh with the other, seeming to be unable to not be touching him at all times.

“Like absolute shit,” Katsuki replied lightly. He looked down at his left hand and tried to stretch his fingers, but it was like a rubber band was holding them in their place and all he managed was a small twitch. He sighed, trying to not think too hard about it.

Deku was frowning, staring at his hand with a worried expression. “What-”

“Dunno,” Katsuki replied quickly, trying to avoid Deku’s worried rant. “Don’t really wanna talk about it,” He added quietly.

Deku kept staring with that same concerned look but nodded, resting his chin on their hands again.

“Later,” He said, kissing Katsuki’s knuckles.

“Thanks,” Katsuki replied grateful. “Hey.”

“What?”

“Give me a kiss.”

Deku chuckled but shook his head. “Takumi said no kisses.”

Katsuki snorted. “Since when do you listen to Takumi?”

“Since he told me that he would kick me out of your room if I kissed you.”

“Oh, please,” He said rolling his eyes. “He wasn’t serious about that.”

Deku raised an eyebrow. “How do you know?”

“Well… because… come on! Just one,” He said, tugging at Deku’s hand. “I almost died I deserve it.”

Deku frowned disapprovingly at him. “Don’t joke about that, Kacchan.”

Katsuki winced. “Sorry,” He said sheepishly.

“Maybe…” Deku added after a bit. “Maybe just one,” He said, his cheeks red and Katsuki gave him a triumphant smile.

“Come on, then,” He said smiling. “Kiss me.”

Deku seemed to ponder about it for a few more seconds, biting his lip.

“Fine,” He said nervously, as he stood up to get closer to Katsuki’s face. “Just one,” He repeated quietly against his lips and Katsuki just nodded, wishing that Deku would hurry up and kiss him already.

Their lips brushed together for a few more seconds and Katsuki couldn’t take it anymore. He grabbed Deku’s shirt, pulling him closer and finally closed the gap between their mouths. He felt his heart flip in his chest, and he slid his hand to Deku’s neck, pulling him impossibly closer, their lips sliding together in a very gentle and soft movement. It felt like coming home and it made him feel alive in a way he thought he would never get to feel again. To think that he almost got deprived of ever getting to experience this made him grab at Deku’s hair almost desperately, earning a soft groan from Deku and making the kiss the complete opposite of innocent.

“Kacchan,” Deku breathed out, breaking away briefly. “We can’t-”

“Shut up, Deku,” He murmured back, pulling Deku into the kiss again and ignoring his boyfriend’s protests. 

“What the hell are you two doing?!” Deku jumped and bit Katsuki’s lip in the process, quickly breaking away from the kiss and turning a panicked look towards the door.

“Ow,” Katsuki murmured, sucking the blood from his lower lip, and feeling disappointed at the interruption.

“Ah! I’m sorry! Kacchan made me do it!” Deku hurried to say. Katsuki looked to the door and found Takumi staring at the both of them with a stern look, arms crossed across his chest.

“Sure, blame the one with the head injury, like I’m mentally stable to make you do anything,” Katsuki mumbled rolling his eyes.

Deku turned narrowed eyes towards him, and Katsuki shrugged.

“That’s it,” Takumi said, walking towards Deku and grabbing his arm. “You. Out.”

“Wait, wait, wait!” Deku said frantically, refusing to move. “It won’t happen again, I promise!”

“Yeah, well, your boyfriend promised he wasn’t gonna kiss you and here we are,” Takumi said rolling his eyes. “I should’ve known better.”

Deku looked back at Katsuki. “Kacchan!” He said, reproachfully.

Katsuki shrugged again. “I wanted to kiss you,” He looked at Takumi, trying to sound convincing. “I almost died, don’t I get to have my boyfriend here?”

“That’s not gonna work.”

“Come on,” He insisted. “It really won’t happen again.”

“Nope,” Takumi said, not budging. “You have to rest anyway, I need to adjust your dose already.”

“If he’s gonna sleep then we can’t break any rules,” Deku hurried to say. “I just- please, just let me stay? I’ll even sit far away in that chair until he’s asleep if you want to!”

Takumi narrowed his eyes and stared at Deku, seeming to be considering the situation.

“Fine,” The nurse answered, huffing. “Far away in that corner.”

Deku nodded quickly and grabbed the chair, pulling it to the corner that was farther away from the bed.

“That’s ridiculous,” Katsuki said, scowling at the nurse. He turned to look at Deku. “You look ridiculous,” He stated.

Deku shushed him, sitting in his chair far away from him and Katsuki fought the urge to pout.

“Stop sulking, god, it’s not like he isn’t gonna be here when you wake up,” Takumi muttered while he touched and adjusted some of the many things connected to him. “He’s been here every day, did you know? Probably hasn’t showered in like three days.”

“Has he?” He asked smiling a bit. He turned his head to stare at his boyfriend, that was looking at them with concerned eyes and looking like he was fighting the urge to get up to check on him. Katsuki loved him so much.

“Ugh, stop looking so in love, it’s corny,” Takumi said before moving away from him and writing something down in a chart.

“Shut up,” He said absentmindedly still staring at Deku but starting to feel the effects of his medication. “I thought this feeling would be over if I survived,” He mumbled, already struggling to keep his eyes all the way open.

Takumi gave him a sympathetic smile. “Not long until it’s over, dude.”

Katsuki let his eyes close, and for the first time in what felt like forever, he allowed a tiny bit hope to spark inside him.

--

It turned out that surviving was quite underwhelming. He was still in pain, still pretty much unable to do anything but sit on his bed, and still very fucking tired. Except now, he also had a faulty hand, a scar and a bad haircut, which were things he didn’t really anticipated nor liked. Amari said that physical therapy was probably going to be a must in the next weeks and getting out of the hospital was still out of the question, much to Deku’s despair. Overall, not much had changed except for this new, almost unfamiliar feeling of calm. He wasn’t completely naïve as to believe that this was it and he was never gonna have a relapse, but he had been so close, so fucking close, that now even this small window of tranquility felt like a victory to him.

The next few weeks after his surgery were a blur of people and medication. He had seen all of his friends cry at least twice, especially Kirishima, who couldn’t even look at him without tearing up a bit and wanting to hug him every chance he got. But it was nice. He couldn’t even find in himself the urge to be irritated by all the affection everyone was showing towards him because he had to admit that after thinking he was gonna die, it was like taking a big fucking breath of fresh air. Even when Todoroki came to his room and looked at him close to tears just to exhale in a relieved breath a fuck, Bakugou, you’re alive, he felt nothing but fondness towards the guy, and to which he had replied with a well, it’s not like you gave me any other choice.

His classmates came to visit too, which was fucking weird but not entirely unwelcomed. The day Aizawa and Recovery Girl visited was one that would be forever engraved in his brain because he saw his teacher made an expression that was different than complete boredom and it looked a little bit like relief. Recovery Girl had cried again which made him a little bit uncomfortable, but it felt almost like coming full circle because this time there wasn’t an unwanted lump growing on his brain. Auntie Inko visited everyday and told him how incredibly glad she was that he was okay and for a little bit he wondered what his mom would think of him surviving. Would she be glad, too? Or maybe she wouldn’t care about it at all? And did his dad ever found out about him having cancer? Either way, it was a thought that was quickly pushed away from his mind every time Auntie Inko would tell him that he was welcome to stay at her house as soon as he was discharged from the hospital.

And Deku.

If Katsuki hadn’t traumatized him for life he would be surprised. The way his boyfriend would fuss over him could be considered obsessive even though Deku himself would call it just being an attentive boyfriend. There wasn’t a single thing that Katsuki could do without him asking if he needed help, and then providing it even if the answer was no. Since his arm was quite shitty there were actually a lot of thing that were hard for him, like writing text messages or even fucking eating like a normal person, and Deku took it as his personal job to aid Katsuki in every little thing he had trouble with. And maybe if his boyfriend were behaving like that at any other point of his life, he probably would’ve made the biggest fight out of it because he wasn’t fucking useless. But now, though, he found himself letting it happen, because every time they hugged, Deku held on for a bit longer, and whenever he was remotely close to him there would be a hand on his shoulder, his hair, his arm, his hand, his leg or just anywhere, and sometimes Deku would just look at him and his eyes would fill with tears and it would always break his fucking heart. Katsuki could tell how much the whole thing had affected him and he hated that once again, this wonderful person was getting dragged along with his baggage. Katsuki was well aware that if it was him in Deku’s place he’d be a complete fucking mess, so the least he could do was allow his boyfriend to fuss over him all he wanted, even if it sometimes was unnecessary.

He even started going to physical therapy sessions to help with the mobility of his hand, because apparently, even though his tumor was gone, it wasn’t done fucking with him. He went three times a week and Takumi accompanied him every time, almost like he was going with him to one of his radiotherapy sessions. He was still staying at the hospital because it was overall easier for Amari to check on his progress and his recovery, and no matter how much Katsuki promised that he wasn’t gonna strain himself training or anything like that, they wouldn’t allow him to leave, yet. Deku was with him almost every day, except when he was working on catching up with quite a lot of assignments he hadn’t done in order to be with Katsuki when he was very ill. That had been their first fight after his tumor was gone and it was pretty short because Deku spent half of the time crying and Katsuki was too soft for his boyfriend to really push it.

One afternoon, after one particularly frustrating session, he was sitting on the rooftop feeling sulky because god damn it, he thought that after having his tumor removed his life could go back to normal, but it was taking so fucking long to even gain the strength he used to have when he was healthy that half of the time he spent doing those dumb exercises for his hand he wanted to scream and punch something, but oh, that’s right, he couldn’t fucking do it. He still couldn’t make a fist with his left hand and all his progress consisted in the ability to flex his fingers a bit more than when he had first started.

He was leaning on the banister, feeling the wind hit his face and staring down at the school grounds, wishing he could speed up the time to already be back in school, catching up with everything he had missed when the sound of the door opening distracted him.

“Hey,” He heard from behind him. Katsuki grunted in response, not bothering to even look behind him. “Takumi’s gonna kill you, you know.”

He shrugged. “Apparently that’s quite hard to do when it comes to me.”

He could walk now, even though he still got tired pretty quickly, but at least he was able to walk short distances without feeling like he might faint at any minute.

“No joking about dying, Kacchan,” Deku scolded like he always did whenever Katsuki said something like that, coming to stand beside him and their shoulders pressing together. “I mean, you told me where you were going, you could’ve at least warned him in the process.”

“What’s the fun in that, Deku?”

He didn’t need to look at his boyfriend to know he was rolling his eyes. Deku moved his arm and wrapped it around his shoulders, pulling him close. He let himself be moved and rested his head on Deku’s chest.

“You okay?” Deku asked quietly.

“Sure,” He replied, closing his eyes. “Perfect, actually. Can’t even grab a fucking spoon with my left hand, let alone activate my damn quirk, which I’m sure you know it’s quite an inconvenience since the whole point of going to these shitty sessions is to get my mobility back, and they’re turning out to be fucking useless,” He ranted, fighting the urge to stomp the ground childishly. “And my hair looks stupid.”

Deku let out a surprised laugh.

“Your hair doesn’t look stupid,” He said as he kissed the top of Katsuki’s head, over the beanie that he now permanently wore since he shaved his whole head after the surgery. “It’s just at an awkward length.”

“It’s stupid.”

“It’s not, Kacchan, don’t be so stubborn. Besides, it’ll grow back.”

“I want it to grow back now,” He said, moving his head to glare at Deku.

“Well, that’s not how it works-”

“I don’t care! I want my hair to grow back now. And I want to be able to fucking punch someone in the face with both hands and I want to get out of this shitty hospital and I want to be with you in a room where we don’t get interrupted every two hours because someone needs to check on my fucking medicine or some shit,” He said heated, not even realizing how quickly the words were spilling out of his mouth. “I’m so tired of this crap, Deku. I thought that if- if I got over the tumor thing, things would be back to normal, but they are not, and I’m tired and sick of it and I want- I want a bed that’s actually comfortable and food that I cook and not some dumbass chef with a bad salary-”

“Kacchan.”

“What?” He said irritated, still glaring at his boyfriend.

Deku lifted a hand to touch Katsuki’s cheek. “I love you so much.”

“What,” He said confused at the sudden change and feeling his frustration start to die a little.

“Do you know how relieved I am that you’re okay?” Deku asked, eyes soft and fixed on him with an intensity that made him feel nervous.

“Um,” He said very eloquently, not knowing what to answer.

“I’d do anything if it meant that you’d be safe, no matter what it is,” Deku continued, speaking quietly and gently, making Katsuki’s heart thump rapidly against his chest. “I’m so lucky to have you in my life.”

“What are you doing?” He asked, feeling his cheeks get warm.

Deku pressed their foreheads together. “And your hair is not stupid. I think the buzzcut suits you.”

“Shut up,” He said distracted by the closeness of their lips.

“I’m so glad I got to keep you, Kacchan,” Deku said, their lips brushing together.

“I’m gonna push you if you don’t shut up,” Katsuki said before moving the remaining distance and kissing him hard. God, he loved him so much.

They kissed gently and slowly and after a long time, Deku broke apart, staring at him with a small smile.

“It worked,” He said amused.

“What worked?” Katsuki asked confused and still a bit dazed from their kiss.

“Nothing,” Deku replied, enveloping both arms around Katsuki and bringing him close to hug him. “I’m sorry things are sucking right now, but that’s just temporary. We’ll get through it and we’ll figure it out together.”

Katsuki moved his arms and wrapped them around Deku’s waist, closing his eyes.

“Yes,” He replied calmly. “Together.”

Chapter Text

Waiting has never been Izuku’s forte. The whole sitting still and doing nothing for long periods of time wasn’t something he was very fond of ever since he was a kid. He liked it even less now that he was older, since he had spent quite a lot of times waiting to find out if he was gonna get horrifying news. Despite that, he was forced to do exactly that, again. Sit still and pretty much do nothing while he waited. He noticed that he was, once again, bouncing his leg up and down and he forced himself to stay still, reaching into his bag for his notebook and a pen, deciding to think about something else for a few minutes and trying to concentrate on reviewing his notes from his last patrol at his agency.

He managed to write two sentences before he threw his notebook back in his bag and stood up, pacing back and forth on the big hallway and biting at his nails, struggling to resist the urge to write down yet another text that Kacchan wasn’t gonna be able to read, asking him how he was doing. The last one he had sent had been about fifteen minutes ago and he was trying very hard to stop his reputation of being a stalker from spreading (even though that was pretty much a useless task).

It wasn’t like he was actually worried about Kacchan (that was a lie, he totally was, he couldn’t help it), because he knew his boyfriend was gonna do amazing, like he always did. It’s just that it was still so soon. Six months had gone by since Kacchan go his surgery done and he had been admitted out of the hospital only four months ago, and his physical therapy was still not done, even though Kacchan’s arm was almost as good as new, except for a few stiffness every now and then, but his boyfriend was nothing if not a perfectionist.

It had been almost unreal when Amari-san had told them Kacchan was finally free to leave. Izuku couldn’t believe it and he spent about two hours crying and bowing at her, because for a moment it felt like Kacchan might never leave that place. He shuddered and shook his head. Thinking about that still made his heart clench in fear and his hands to shake. It was easily one of the worse moments of his life and it still followed him around, even when he could see that Kacchan was perfectly healthy now. His worry wasn’t really something he could get rid off that easily. He had gotten better, though, and he didn’t call his boyfriend every fifteen minutes to check if he was okay whenever he went out on his own anymore. Izuku winced. No wonder people called him a stalker. But could he really be blamed for it when his boyfriend had tended to collapse every time Izuku was away?

It had been specially hard when Kacchan started to go to school again, to retake the classes that he hadn’t been able to finish and Izuku was forced to stay home, unable to accompany Kacchan since he had graduated from U.A. already. Izuku still remembers how bittersweet that moment had been, it felt awful to look around and not see Kacchan sitting next to him, ready to receive his diploma with the rest of the class, even though he knew his boyfriend was there with his mom, watching the ceremony from a few chairs away. He had felt devastated when Aizawa had told them that Kacchan had missed too much of the school year to be able to learn it in such a short period of time and that he was still too weak to even complete the physical exams. He cried again (no surprise there) but Kacchan didn’t. He had hugged him hard and told him to stop Wallowing since he wasn’t dying anymore and all he had to do was catch up, it’s not a big deal, nerd, I’ll still go see the ceremony and then you can come to mine, please stop fucking crying, oh my god. It had made him feel better, but he was still extremely sad that they wouldn’t be able to share such an important moment of their lives together at the same time. It was so unfair.

Izuku sighed and sat down again, grabbing his phone from his pocket and unlocking it. He stared at his screen wallpaper for a few seconds and relaxed a bit. It was a picture Kirishima had took a few months ago. Kacchan was still staying at the hospital at the time, but he looked way better. His hair was longer, but still short compared to how it used to look in the past, but then again, Kacchan managed to make every single hairstyle look amazing. They were both sitting on the floor with their backs leaning against Kacchan’s hospital bed. Izuku had one arm around the blonde’s shoulders, pulling him against his chest and he was smiling so big his eyes had crinkles on them, making him look unflatteringly happy. Kacchan was looking up at him with a small smile on his lips, leaning his body on Izuku’s chest. He looked so peaceful. When Kirishima had showed him the picture his eyes had teared up because he realized he hadn’t seen Kacchan looked that at peace in a very long time. It made him want to take his boyfriend and keep him from the world so nothing could ever disturb that expression from his face ever again.

He scrolled on his phone, deciding that his reputation was ruined anyways, and started to write another text to Kacchan. He was in the middle of the first paragraph when the sound of a door opening made him jump, snapping his eyes immediately towards the sound. When his boyfriend came out of it, he immediately sat up and couldn’t help the jittery feeling that invaded his stomach. Kacchan was just so handsome. His hair was long again but not quite the same as it used to be, he had kept the hairstyle from before, with the sides a little bit shorter, leaving long curls at the top. It was hot as hell and it also made him look way more grown up. It was gonna take some time for Kacchan to gain back his physical form, but he had worked very hard during the last three months and it showed. He wasn’t quite as muscular as he used to be, he still had a long way to go, but he was very toned and defined and he looked healthy, which was all Izuku cared about. He still sometimes couldn’t believe his luck, that after everything they had both went through, they were still together.

“Hey, nerd,” Kacchan said with an amused smile that made Izuku snap out of his boyfriend-trance. It happened quite often. Izuku immediately hurried to his side and nervously stared at him, resisting the urge to check his boyfriend’s every inch to make sure he was okay. “I’m fine,” He said rolling his eyes, which meant Izuku hadn’t been as subtle as he had thought.

“Promise?” He blurted out, eyes darting all over his boyfriend’s frame, letting his concern show. “How did it go? I mean, I know it went great because it’s Kacchan but how great did it went? Did you have any trouble? What did they made you do? Was it like my final exam? And- and how is your arm?!” He exclaimed, grabbing Kacchan’s left hand, holding it close to his face to examine it frantically. “Is it okay? Did it act up? I know it sometimes does that when you least expect it. Does it hurt? Can you move-”

“Deku.”

Izuku snapped his mouth shut, staring nervously at his boyfriend. Kacchan lifted the hand Izuku wasn’t holding and showed him a piece of paper with a 99 written on it with big red letters. He gaped at the paper for a bit, his eyes wide and his heart thumping rapidly against his chest.

“That’s right, nerd, I beat you,” Kacchan said with his trademark smirk, but there was no hiding the happiness in his face. He was flushed and his breathing was still a bit quick due to the big physical strain it took to ace your final practical exam, but he looked radiant. Izuku was so in love. “Guess who’s graduating with fucking honors? Hah, me, bitch, fucking tumor can bite my ass- wait, no Deku, stop crying, oh god, not again.”

He couldn’t help it, he was sobbing. He was just so happy and so proud of Kacchan. He lounged himself at his boyfriend without any warning and they ended up tumbling down to the floor, a mess of tangled limbs and tears because Izuku could not, for the life of him, stop crying.

“Deku, come on, we’ve been over this, you don’t drink enough water to cry this much,” Kacchan was saying while he hugged him, his face aggressively pressed against Izuku’s chest and his voice muffled by Izuku’s shirt.

“I-I’m so proud!” He cried out, tears streaming down his face. “You did so good!”

“My fucking arm decided to fuck with my aim at one exercise,” He grunted out. “Lost a shitty point because of that,” He explained grumpily.

“But y-you still did s-so good, Kacchan! I’m just so h-happy and p-proud! Kacchan’s amazing!” Izuku said shakily burying his face on Kacchan’s hair.

“Deku,” Kacchan said trying to get out of Izuku’s tight grip but to no avail and he just sighed, letting his boyfriend squeeze the life out of him. “Thanks, nerd,” He murmured quietly.

“F-for what?” He asked confused, finally letting the blonde go.

Kacchan sat up straighter and took Izuku’s face in his hands.

“I wouldn’t have done it without you, Deku, just-” Kacchan looked away for a few seconds, his cheeks going pink, but when he looked back at Izuku he was wearing a very intense expression. “You know that, right? I- I’m just grateful for you, you’ve always been there for me, I love you a lot.”

Izuku said nothing for a bit, and it was no surprise that his eyes filled with even more tears.

“I love you more, Kacchan,” Izuku said in between sobs.

Kacchan’s cheeks got redder, and he pushed Izuku away half-heartedly, standing up from the ground and holding out a hand for him.

“Come on, nerd, let’s stop being embarrassing and go, I’ve been in this fucking school way too long already.”

Izuku chuckled and grabbed Kacchan’s hand, lifting himself up and wiping his tears. Over the past year Izuku had gain some height but Kacchan had stayed the same. It was still so weird whenever he had to look down to stare at his boyfriend, but he also loved it. He quickly leant down and kissed the top of Kacchan’s hair, making the blonde scowl at him, since he didn’t quite appreciated whenever Izuku reminded him of their height difference but he ignored it, giving him a big smile.

 “Yes, let’s go! I have a surprise for you,” He said excitedly moving to take his bag and then grabbing his boyfriend’s hand to start walking.

Kacchan narrowed his eyes at him. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t be nosy, Kacchan,” Izuku said pulling at Kacchan harder. “Let me see your test.”

Kacchan handed it to him and Izuku read all the observations left by the teachers that evaluated him. He felt extremely proud when he saw that Kacchan barely got any bad comments except for one that said he was maybe too aggressive when it came to reassuring the victims but that it had been surprisingly effective at the end.

“You only beat me by three points,” He said pouting and handing Kacchan his test back. “Not fair.”

“A win is a win, babe,” Kacchan said bumping their shoulders together playfully. “What’s the surprise, anyways?”

“Not telling, babe,” Izuku answered amused. “You’ll have to wait and see.”

“But I was going to-”

“Visit the hospital, yes,” Izuku said if a little grumpy. “I know that, don’t worry, we have time.”

“You have to get over this jealousy, Deku,” Kacchan said, but he sounded more amused than anything else. “It’s getting old.”

Izuku huffed. “I just- I get it when you have to see him during your physical therapy sessions, but do you have to visit him on your free time, too? That’s just too much,” He exclaimed, trying his hardest to not sound overdramatic.

“I’m not exactly visiting him,” Kacchan explained, as he did every time Izuku made a fuss about it. “I go to check on Kimura. You know, the kid with lung cancer.”

Izuku felt his cheeks get warm and he looked down sheepishly.

“I mean, I know that, but Takumi’s there too! Does he have to be there?”

“Deku.”

Izuku’s shoulders slumped, and he sighed. “I’m being unreasonable again.”

“First step is acceptance,” Kacchan said sounding amused and pecked his cheek quickly.

“Whatever,” He said, deciding that he was over it for now. “Let’s be quick, your surprise is waiting,” He said as he walked faster towards U.A.’s hospital wing.

“Bossy,” Kacchan said squeezing his hand and giving him a fond smile that made him forget all about his jealousy.

--

“You’re still alive?”

“Kacchan!” Izuku scolded, like he always did whenever Kacchan talked to the younger boy, he didn’t quite get the relationship they shared, even though Kacchan had explained how they met.

“Yep,” Kimura replied, smiling amusedly at them.

He had recently gotten hospitalized again and Kacchan had made it part of his routine to come visit him every week. They had managed to stay in contact through Takumi and when the nurse informed Kacchan of his situation he made time to talk to him whenever he could and visit him at the hospital religiously. Izuku thought it was very sweet but it also kind of creeped him out because they often talked to each other about dying, which was something that made Izuku extremely nervous.

“Don’t worry, there’s still tomorrow,” Kimura added and Izuku squeaked.

“Kimura-kun! Don’t say things like that-”

“It’s a joke, Deku,” Kacchan interrupted him, pinching one of his cheeks. “Unless I die first, then I lost a bet,” He added, making Kimura laugh and Izuku frown.

“No joking about dying, Kacchan,” Izuku said and Kacchan smiled, kissing his cheek.

“Sorry,” He said, grabbing a chair to sit next to Kimura’s bed and Izuku quickly followed. “Guess who had their final exam today?” Kacchan said, dangling his test in front of Kimura.

Kimura’s eyes widened and he snatched the sheet out of Kacchan’s hands examining it frantically. Apparently, Kimura was really obsessed with heroes, just like they both used to be when they were younger (or in Izuku’s case, like he still was), and he loved hearing about U.A. from them. Whenever Izuku accompanied Kacchan to one of his visits they often ended up discussing quirks and fight techniques with him, it always made Izuku incredibly sad because he knew Kimura would be an amazing hero if he ever got the chance to. Life was really unfair like that.

Kacchan and Kimura spent quite some time discussing Kacchan’s final test and what it was about and Izuku was just happy to watch them talk, not feeling the need to interrupt their conversation. By some miracle, Takumi didn’t come to the room like Izuku knew he sometimes did. It wasn’t like he really hated the nurse, since he was very aware of how much he had helped Kacchan through his cancer, but he didn’t quite like him either since the damn guy managed to get on Izuku’s nerves by flirting with his boyfriend whenever he could.

After about an hour, Kacchan was saying goodbye to Kimura and it seemed to be more of serious chat so Izuku said his goodbyes too and left the room to give them some privacy. Kacchan came out a few minutes later with an earnest expression on his face.

“Everything alright?” He asked carefully, moving to take Kacchan’s hand.

“Yeah, it’s just… he doesn’t seem to be getting better,” Kacchan answered, sounding frustrated. Izuku felt his heart clench and he swallowed, once again resenting how life could be so cruel to people that did not deserve it.

“I’m sorry,” He murmured quietly, wishing there was something else he could do to make his boyfriend feel better. “Is it bad?”

“Not really but- I think- I don’t know, I just can’t stop myself from worrying, I guess,” He replied shrugging and god, could Izuku understand.

“I know,” Izuku said, squeezing his hand. “We just have to hope for the best, I think,” He replied, knowing that there was probably nothing he could actually say to make things better.

Kacchan nodded and sighed, squeezing his hand back and smiling.

“Let’s go, I wanna see the surprise.”

“Be ready to be so surprised, Kacchan,” He said excited and starting to walk towards the exit.

“Aw, leaving so soon?”

Izuku’s smile dropped from his face immediately and his eyes narrowed at the voice, easily recognizing it.

“Hey,” Kacchan said cheerily, turning to look at the nurse and Izuku grudgingly did the same. “You didn’t come today, were you busy helping some old guy put on his pants?”

Takumi pouted. Izuku wanted to leave. “I shouldn’t have told you about.”

“But you did,” Kacchan said smirking.

“You’re leaving early,” Takumi said, changing the subject.

“Yeah, this dork says he has a surprise for me since I passed my final exam,” Kacchan said smiling up at him and Izuku felt his cheeks get warm.

“Did you really?” Takumi asked excited. “That’s great! Congratulations! I’d hug you but I’d like to stay alive.”

“It’s good that you know,” Izuku said.

Kacchan rolled his eyes at him.

“Anyways,” He said. “I’ll see you next week for my therapy session,” Unfortunately, Izuku just refrained from saying.

“Sure,” Takumi replied smiling. “See you next week, bye Bakugou, bye Bakugou’s boyfriend!”

“My name’s Izuku-” He started to say annoyed.

“Bye, Takumi,” Kacchan interrupted quickly and dragging Izuku away.

“Ugh, I hate him,” He said as they were leaving the hospital.

“Yeah, yeah, what’s my surprise?” Kacchan asked, impatient.

“Not telling you,” Izuku said once again. “But we need to take the bus.”

“It’s at the house, then?” He asked, curiously.

“Nope,” He replied, stopping to grab something from his bag. “You’ll need this,” He said, pulling out a blindfold for Kacchan.

His boyfriend stared at it for a few seconds.

“No,” He said quickly.

“What?”

“What if we get attacked and I can’t see who we’re fighting? What if someone tries to hurt you or me and I’m blindfolded? How am I supposed to fight?”

“Then you just take it off! Come on, I won’t be blindfolded! I’ll make sure there’s no one attacking us, just put it on, Kacchan!”

Kacchan sighed and rolled his eyes, grabbing the blindfold and holding it to his eyes before turning around for Izuku to secure it.

“I swear to god, Deku, if I die because of this and I lose the bet-”

“Stop it,” He said. “Don’t be so dramatic, Kacchan, you’re not gonna get attacked, it’s not very far, anyways,” Izuku said as he finished tying Kacchan’s blindfold. He then grabbed his shoulders and started to guide him towards the bus stop. “Just relax and enjoy the suspense, dummy.”

Kacchan huffed but let himself be moved anyways. “Dumbass,” He muttered.

--

Izuku couldn’t hold himself from all the excitement. He had worked so damn hard for the surprise that it was almost unbelievable that it was actually happening. What made it better was the fact that he was sure Kacchan had no idea of what it was and there was no way he could suspect even a little bit about it.

“Almost there,” He said to his boyfriend sitting next to him on the bus.

“You and your surprises,” Kacchan complained, arms crossed over his chest, the very image of someone forced to be there.

“You love them!”

“I’m not loving this one so far,” He muttered.

“You’ll do when you see it,” He said just a little bit unsure of it and patted Kacchan’s leg. The bus stopped and Izuku jumped up, very excited. “We’re here come on, give me your hands!”

“This is embarrassing,” Kacchan said but did it anyways, letting Izuku help him out of the bus.

“So close, Kacchan, just be patient,” He said as he guided his boyfriend through a building, immediately heading towards the elevators.

“Where the fuck are we?” Kacchan asked, sounding nervous.

“Shh, you’ll see!” Izuku said, pressing the button on the elevator and holding Kacchan’s hand.

They finally made it to their floor and Izuku guided Kacchan through a long spacious hallway, reaching their destination at last.

“Okay, you can take off your blindfold now,” Izuku said.

“Oh, can I,” Kacchan said dryly, and proceeded to untie it.

Izuku watched nervously as his boyfriend took it off and watched the process of him adjusting at the light and then narrowing his eyes when he finally noticed their surroundings.

“Where the fuck are we?” He asked again, sounding incredibly confused. “Are you kidnapping me?”

“Shut up. Here,” Izuku said, starting to feel a bit nervous. He dug into his pocket and held out a key. “Open the door.”

“Are we breaking in?” Kacchan asked suspiciously. “Deku, I need to know if we’re condoning in any illegal activities so I can make sure that shit’s off my record for when I apply to an agency-”

“Oh my god, Kacchan, just take it,” He said shoving the key into Kacchan’s hands. “It’s not breaking in if you have the key.”

Kacchan still looked incredibly suspicious but took the key anyways, moving to open the door. Izuku bit his nails and tried to resist the need to cancel the whole plan and take Kacchan back to his house again. The lock finally clicked and Kacchan pulled the door open and Izuku stared nervously as the blonde looked around, clearly trying to make sense of what he was seeing.

“Deku, what is this?” He asked, sounding more serious than before.

“Um, your surprise?” He replied nervously.

“This is an apartment,” Kacchan said, walking into the room and starting to look around. Izuku followed him and watched as he went to the kitchen and then the living room and then back to the door. “Who’s is it and why do you have the key?”

“It’s yours,” He replied quickly. “And mine, I guess. It’s ours, actually. We’re supposed to live here. Unless, of course, you don’t want to, which I understand but I just- I thought that you might enjoy not living with my mother anymore because I sure would. Not that I don’t like my mom! I love her, it’s just that it’s hard to live your boyfriend and your mom at the same time. I really miss doing things with you- I mean, not like- like normal things like watching movies alone or stuff like that, even though I do miss that, but I actually meant like, dirty stuff with you, since, you know, my mom is there quite a lot of the time so it’s hard to do anything dirty when she’s around. Also, I miss sharing a bed with you and sneaking around at night is not so fun anymore-”

“What do you mean by ours?” Kacchan interrupted, looking at him as if he had gone insane.

“Um, that it belongs to you and me?” He replied, shifting in his place nervously.

Kacchan shook his head before blinking a lot of times. It looked as if he was having a hard time comprehending everything.

“That’s not true.”

“Yes, it is,” He said, taken aback. “I signed the contract with both of our names.”

Kacchan said nothing for a bit, his eyes darting all over the apartment before fixing his eyes on Izuku again.

“Deku, what the fuck.”

“Er, I mean, if you don’t like it-”

“’If I don’t like it’? Deku, how did you even pay for this? This is insane,” Kacchan exclaimed frowning while he started to look around again.

Izuku tried to see the place with Kacchan’s eyes. It wasn’t huge by all means, but it also wasn’t small. The main room consisted of a small but cozy living room that had big windows that brought natural light into the room, they were on one of the highest floors, so they had an amazing view of the city. Across the living room was the dining room that could accommodate at least six people which Izuku thought was a good number and right in front of it, separated by a high island, was the kitchen, which was quite small, Izuku could admit that, but he also had thought that since Kacchan did all the cooking it wouldn’t be such a problem. There was a long hallway in the back of the room that led to two dormitories and a bathroom that were quite spacious. Izuku had thought it was perfect for them, at least just for right now that they both were about to travel quite a lot due to their jobs at their agencies. But Kacchan’s frantic eyes made him doubt if maybe it wasn’t such a good idea.

“Well, I’ve been saving up, you know,” He explained nervously. “My mom helped out a bit, too. And before you start to yell! I know you have money too,” He added quickly. He knew Kacchan had been saving up money for a long time, trying to get out of his parents’ house as soon as possible. “But I kind of wanted to give this as a gift,” He said avoiding looking at Kacchan. He was afraid of how his boyfriend might take it. “It’s just that- with everything that has happened, I felt like you deserved to have some things be easy, you know?” He swallowed and looked back at his boyfriend’s disconcerted face, feeling his heart thump rapidly against his chest. “You said something back then, when you were sick… and we all thought that you...” Izuku’s eyes got teary and he tried his best to keep going without crying, again. “Well, I thought that I would never get to say it back and that just made me so devastated because I’ve never been more sure of anything than how I feel about you. You are it for me too, Kacchan. No matter what happens in the future, there’ll never be someone else. And I guess this is my way to show it?” He said, scratching the back of his neck. “By getting you an apartment, hah, I- I mean, you don’t have to live here if you don’t like it, we can find another place. It would be hard though, since I’ve kind of already signed the lease, but I guess we could figure it out and- Kacchan? Are… are you okay?”

Kacchan had his hands covering his face and he was awfully still. Izuku hurried to his side, concerned.

“Are you in pain? Do you have a headache? Oh god, Kacchan, do you need to lay down? Here, let me help you-”

Kacchan shook his head and uncovered his face, looking at Izuku with watery eyes that made him feel alarmed.

“Kacchan…”

“Deku, you sappy little shit,” Kacchan said voice wobbly, moving to wrap tight arms around Izuku’s waist. “I can’t believe you.”

Izuku hugged him back, a little confused, but still enjoying the affection.

“So do you like it?” He asked after a few seconds.

Kacchan broke apart to stare up at him with wide eyes.

“’Do I like it?’ This- this is-” He turned around to dart his eyes around the place once again. “You got me an apartment,” He said quietly, like he couldn’t quite believe it, and it made Izuku’s heart skip a beat. “I love it.”

“Yeah?” He said, finally allowing himself to relax a bit and smiling at his boyfriend. “You haven’t seen the bedrooms yet!”

Kacchan turned around, one eyebrow raised.

“Bedrooms?” He said, taking a step closer to Izuku. “I thought you wanted to do dirty stuff with me.”

Izuku felt his cheeks go red and he squeaked. “Kacchan!”

Kacchan wrapped his around Izuku’s neck. “It has really been too long since we’ve done anything dirty.”

Izuku felt his flush spread down to his neck but he still grabbed Kacchan’s waist, pulling him closer.

“Yes,” He said, pressing his forehead against Kacchan’s. “We can’t, though.”

“What.”

“We have a housewarming party, plus, a congratulations party!” Izuku said excited, pulling out a bag full of decorations out of his backpack.

Kacchan stared at the bag with a blank face for a few seconds.

“Deku-”

“I’ve already invited everyone!” He continued, moving to empty the bag over the dining table. It was full of balloons and strings to hang around and a big sign that read Congratulations!

“A party?” Kacchan asked weakly, and when Izuku looked back at him, he hadn’t moved from his place and was staring at the bag, pouting and looking like he was sulking and Izuku couldn’t help feeling his heart clench at how adorable his boyfriend looked.

He walked back to Kacchan and grabbed his face, kissing him slowly and sweetly, before pulling away, lightly tracing his jaw.

“We can do dirty stuff after, yeah? It’s not like we don’t have lots of time,” He said, smiling at his boyfriend.

Kacchan pouted again but nodded. “Fine, nerd. Let’s just get this over with.”

“You’re gonna love it!” Izuku said, going back to the task of decorating their new apartment.

--

There was a very loud knock on their door as they were finishing the final touches.

“I got it,” Kacchan said, while heading for the door.

Izuku finished tying some balloons to the ceiling fan just because he could and then stepped down of the ladder putting it away and heading towards the door too. When Kacchan opened it, he was immediately tackled to the ground by a red blur, followed then by a yellow blur.

“What the fuck?” He heard Kacchan’s muffled voice under the weight of Kirishima and Kaminari, it made Izuku giggle.

“Dude! We’re so proud!” Kirishima said, voice sounding shaky and hugging Kacchan’s head. Izuku could relate.

“Yes, bro! Congratulations!” Kaminari added, hugging Kacchan’s chest.

“Get the fuck off me,” Kacchan grunted.

“Good afternoon, Midoriya.”

Izuku looked towards the door and found Todoroki on the doorway, holding a potted plant.

“Hi, Todoroki-kun!” He greeted. Todoroki stepped over the crying mess on the ground and held out the plant for Izuku.

“I brought you a housewarming gift.”

“Aw, thank you so much, that’s so nice of you!” Izuku said taking the plant and putting it on the dining table.

“Where’s Bakugou? I heard he almost got a hundred on his test but didn’t,” Todoroki said.

“Somewhere under Kaminari and Kirishima,” Izuku replied amused.

“Fuck off, IcyHot,” Kacchan snapped back over the sound of Kirishima and Kaminari’s blabbering and Izuku giggled again.

“Where’s our boy?” A voice said from the doorway. It was Ashido, accompanied by Sero.

“I think that’s him, under Kaminari’s butt,” Sero said.

“I swear to god if you guys-”

“Blasty!” Said Ashido, ignoring Kacchan, as she threw herself over the mess of limbs. “I’m so happy, congratulations!”

“I’m not getting in there, but congratulations, man,” Sero said giving a thumbs up towards Kacchan’s general direction. “We’re very proud of you!”

“This is ridiculous, get away from me!”

No one listened to Kacchan, unsurprisingly.

People kept coming and soon almost the whole class was squeezed into their apartment. There was food and drinks and music and it seemed like everyone was having a good time and he sighed in contentment. He was sitting on one of the stools at the kitchen island, observing as his friends talked and laughed in his home. His own home. Kacchan and Izuku’s home. He felt a jittery feeling all over his chest at the thought and he hid his smile on his drink. He really couldn’t believe his luck. His eyes searched for Kacchan and found him at the living room in what looked like an intense conversation with Jirou. God, Izuku loved him so much.

“What you doing?”

Izuku jumped and looked around to find Uraraka taking a seat next to him with an amused smile on her lips.

“Nothing,” He replied quickly, averting probably lovesick eyes from Kacchan. “What are you doing?”

“Came to get a drink,” She replied still smiling. “You look happy,” She said, eyes softer. “Are you happy, Deku-kun?”

Izuku looked back at his boyfriend, who was now standing up and gesticulating wildly to a Jirou that was shaking her head in disagreement.

“Yeah,” He said, smiling. “I really am.”

It was quite late when the last person left their apartment, Izuku was busy picking up some trash that had been left behind and trying to make the place a bit tidier.

“Deku,” Kacchan said, and it sounded a bit strained.

Izuku quickly dropped the trash bag in the kitchen, and he winced when he noticed where Kacchan was. He walked quickly towards his boyfriend.

“Um, yeah, about that-”

“There’s no bed, Deku.”

Izuku came to stand next to Kacchan staring at their big empty room.

“Yes, so, I kind of forgot, but the apartment didn’t include the beds,” He explained sheepishly.

“Yeah, no shit, Deku,” Kacchan said rubbing a hand over his face. “Where are we going to sleep?”

“I brought an inflatable mattress!”

“That tiny one from your mom’s house?”

“Um, yes?”

Kacchan stared at him for a few seconds before starting to laugh.

“Oh my god, this is ridiculous, I can’t believe we have an apartment,” Kacchan said in between laughs.

“I’m sorryyyy,” Izuku said. “I can sleep on the floor, I know you’re tired because of your final exam so it’s fine by me-”

“Don’t be dumb,” Kacchan said, rolling his eyes and dragging him into the room. “Come on, I wanna sleep.”

A few minutes later, they had slipped out of their clothes, cramped together into the tiny air mattress and covered with a warm blanket.

“I promise we’ll get a bed tomorrow,” He said, pulling Kacchan closer.

“It’s okay,” Kacchan said, resting his head on Izuku’s chest and hugging him tight. “I kind of like it.”

“Yeah?” He asked, feeling his cheeks get warm.

“Yes,” Kacchan replied, voice soft and gentle. “It’s perfect.”

Izuku couldn’t hide the big smile that overtook his face. He was so happy. He pulled Kacchan as close as he could and dropped a kiss on his forehead.

“I love you, Kacchan.”

“I love you more, nerd.”