Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

hangin out live with the squad!!

From ElectricRiot

73K viewers and counting

[Image ID: A teenage boy with spiky red hair sits on the ground in the middle of a room, looking up at the camera in a red tank top and black sweatpants. Next to him sits another teen boy with bright yellow hair with a black lightning bolt shape in it, wearing a black hoodie with yellow stripes and ripped black skinny jeans, as well as a black choker necklace. On the couch behind them is a teen girl with pink skin, fluffy pink hair, and yellow horns, her legs propped up on the lap of a third teen boy with shoulder-length black hair. The girl has on a neon green and yellow tank top and blue basketball shorts. The black-haired boy has a grey hoodie with a picture of a tape dispenser on it and black pants. Finally, on the opposite side of the couch is the fourth teen boy, with spiky blond hair, a black tank top, and grey sweatpants. End ID.]

Kirishima: [waves at the camera] Well hello there, dudes! It’s me, Riot!

Kaminari: [waves at the camera also] And me, Electric!

Kirishima: Today we are here with the whole gang! [all the teens smile except the blonde] We even got Bakubro to join us! [Kirishima reaches back and pokes the blonde’s leg, making him scowl] Just in case they don’t know someone you should all go around and introduce yourselves, bros!

Ashido: [grinning at camera] What’s up, people? I’m Ashido.

Sero: Sero, here!

[Image ID: All of the teens turn to look at Bakugou, who just ignores them with his eyes on his phone.]

Kirishima: [gestures back at Bakugou] This broody man here is my best bro, Bakugou!

Kaminari: [puts a hand on his chest] I thought I was your best bro! [wipes away a fake tear]

Kirishima: No! You’re all my best bros! That’s why we’re a squad!

Bakugou, grumbling: This is so stupid.

Kaminari: That means he’s having fun!

Bakugou: It does NOT.

Ashido: [laughing] Calm down, Blasty.

[Image ID: Bakugou turns to glare at Ashido, who just blinks at him innocently with a smile. Bakugou huffs and turns back to his phone.]

Kirishima: Oh! Looks like we got some questions in the chat! [squints at somewhere next to the camera] Let’s see…’what made us start the channel?’ That’s a great one! Well w-

Ashido: I dared them to post a video of them doing the stupidest shit imaginable and then they kept doing it. That was last year.

Kaminari: Hey!

Kirishima: Dude, she’s technically right. [looking back to the chat] Oh, that first video got taken down because out homeroom teacher found it. I think we were doing backflips off the monkey bars at a park near here.

Sero: [laughs] I remember that! Kaminari broke his arm!

Bakugou: Yeah, and then I had to carry his dumb ass to the hospital.

Kaminari: [grins at Bakugou and leans toward him] That’s the moment I knew you cared.

Bakugou: [scowls and pushes Kaminari’s face away] Shut the fuck up, Dunce Face.

Kirishima: [to the camera] Bakugou’s not on here a lot, but he uses insulting nicknames to show affection. So manly!

Bakugou: Shitty Hair, I swear to fuck-

Kaminari: He also swears a lot.

Bakugou: [standing up] Listen, if this was all just some shit to dunk on me for an hour then I’m fucking leaving!

Kirishima: Wait, Bakubro, don’t go! I’m sorry, we’ll leave you alone.

Bakugou: [sits back down on the couch and grumbles]

Kaminari: Anyways, next question! [looks at chat] Ooh, this one wants to know if we got any new videos planned! [Kirishima and Kaminari look at each other with smiles, then back at the camera] We sure do! But it’s a secret.

cont…

Livestream has ended after 3 hours and 28 minutes

--

After what felt for-fucking-ever, Shitty Hair finally said goodbye to all the stupid people watching and turned off the camera for the night.

“Well, that was fun!” He said, looking at Katsuki. Katsuki just made a growl noise in response. He hadn’t been paying attention the whole time, and only joined the live because Shitty Hair and Dunce Face practically begged him. For weeks. He should’ve just blown up their faces, but apparently these people were ‘friends’ and you ‘don’t do that’. At least, according to his idiot father. Katsuki had never been one for friends, at least not for the past 6 years, but for some reason this group of idiots just got under his skin. He hated it with a passion.

“Oh, come on, Blasty!” Dunce Face tittered. “You had fun! I saw you smile!”

Katsuki glared at Dunce Face and wished him to burn to a crisp before his eyes. Unfortunately, that did not happen. “I don’t fuckin’ think so.”

“You did! Remember, when Kirishima talked about the time he fell from the second story of Ground Beta back in first year!”

Katsuki had to hold back another smile at the second reminder. It wasn’t hard. He pushed himself off the couch and slipped his phone in his pocket. “Whatever. I’m going to bed. You shitheads have kept me up too late.” A chorus of goodbyes and goodnights followed Katsuki back up the dorm stairs to his room. Little did his…friends know, Katsuki never, ever fell asleep as early as he claimed to. He doesn’t think he’s fallen asleep before 12 am for 6 years. Or gotten more than 4 fitful hours a night. But it was fine. He was fine.

Totally fine!

Katsuki dropped onto his bed like a pile of rocks, the emotional exhaustion of being in a room with the shitheads for so long taking a toll on him. They just talked…so much. And bothered him. And asked him for shit. And made sure he was doing okay. Gross, annoying, unnecessary, stupid. He could take care of his-fucking-self.

He heard the Idiot Squadron chattering and laughing downstairs, and he definitely doesn’t wish he’d stayed down there longer. He definitely doesn’t think about how their presence seemed to ward off the thoughts and nightmares. He doesn’t think about how, when he has them with him, he doesn’t feel nearly as scared.

He doesn’t think any of that, because he’s Bakugou fucking Katsuki and he’s not afraid of anything. Especially not the dark, and most certainly not his own damn brain.

He could deal with nightmares on his own.

--

red

red

everything is red

redhandredhairredshirtredarmsredfloor

red

blood

blood

pools of blood

soaking

soaking

floorboards

crack

sticky red hands

shaking

no

nonononononononono

wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupWAKEUP

fearbreathcantbreathchesthurtsbloodeverywherescaryscaryscarymonsterknifeteethclawssharpshredripclawbleeddeath

YOUR FAULT

--

Katsuki woke up with a sharp inhale, tearing at his chest with his hands, and immediately puked over the side of his bed. Thankfully, this happens often, so he had a bowl there. As soon as he’s done heaving, he flopped back down on his pillows, heart still racing. His vision slowly started coming into focus along with the rest of his brain, ripping him out of the nightmare and back to his dorm room and bed.

He smelled sizzling caramel in the air and groaned. Fuck, not this again. He looked down at his tank top and sure enough, there was a hole burned in the middle, right above his heart. Sixth time this month. At this rate, he was going to be out of shirts by next quarter. And, he was starting to scar there, the skin becoming raised, red, and sensitive to the touch.

Stupid fucking weakling who can’t even get a grip on my shit enough to deal with a nightmare.

He sighed, slipping out of bed and tossing his ruined shirt in the garbage can, rummaging through his drawer for a new one. His hand hit something solid within the fabric and he froze. Slowly, he wrapped his hand around the object and brought it out of the drawer.

All Might figurine, Bronze Age, Limited Edition. It used to be His prized possession.

Katsuki wanted to throw the figurine out the window like it was a possessed demon object, but every time he found himself just tucking it back in under his clothes. He quickly grabbed a shirt and slammed the drawer shit again, putting the shirt on carefully. He grabbed his disgusting puke bowl and running shoes and made his way towards the communal bathrooms. Katsuki knew nobody would see him—he woke up too damn early. The sun wasn’t even fully risen at this time in the morning.

After flushing the remnant of his nightmare down the toilet, gagging, Katsuki went to wash his hands. By mistake, he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He looked like shit, and that was before he realized he’d forgotten to take the makeup off last night. The old hag had given him makeup way back when he first started middle school, saying he could use it to cover up breakouts and the like. Now, he used it to cover up and distract from the deep purple bags under his eyes. He was pretty sure they were permanent by now, but no one else needed to know about them. To the outside world, he was Bakugou Katsuki, the angry asshole with talent to outshine them all, and who never, ever cried himself to sleep, woke up screaming, or permanently hurt himself with his own damn quirk. And it was going to stay that way.

He quickly splashed his face with the cold water and wiped it dry with his t-shirt. He glared at himself one more time in the mirror before stomping out of the bathrooms and heading for the outside world.

It was time to run.

--

Back in Katsuki’s first year, there were a couple villain attacks that led the UA staff to decide on keeping the students in dormitories on campus. A year later, the villain groups that attacked them were mostly stomped out by heroes, but the few left floundering around meant the UA students were back at the dorms. Thankfully, though, this year they could leave the school grounds without written permission. It meant a lot less sneaking around for Katsuki.

Every morning for almost 6 years he’d done the same run to the same place at the same time, and no villain threat was going to stop him from that. He’d crush the stupid villains easily anyways. He never got the chance to run into them, though.

Katsuki took a deep breath of the cool morning air as he started running, letting it fill up his lungs. His nightmares often left him feeling like he was suffocating, and the fresh air felt like his first breath of oxygen in years.

His feet hit the pavement in a constant rhythm, sending waking jolts up his body and shaking him from his head. His red sneakers kicked up dust behind him as he picked up speed, heading for his destination and away from UA campus.

Before he knew it, he was there. That’s part of what Katsuki loved so much about running. For a moment, he was outside of his jailcell of a brain, and he could breathe. He could forget.

Katsuki looked up at the iron gates surrounding the graveyard as he ran inside.

At least, he could pretend to forget.

--

Katsuki didn’t know why he visited the grave every morning. It’s not like he did anything. He didn’t bring flowers, he didn’t write notes, he didn’t pray, and he sure as fuck didn’t talk. No, he just sat there, shoulder to granite, his head resting on the top of the hard tombstone, staring into the distance and catching his breath. He got nothing out of it, but he still did it every day. The thought of not doing it made his chest constrict in immediate panic.

Weak, weak, weak.

--

After returning to the dorm from his run, Katsuki grabbed his go-bag from his room and headed for the showers. He let the warm water rush over him, washing all the sweat away and watching it mix with dirt as it trickled down the drain. He also made sure to wash the area over his heart gently, though something in him screamed to scrub it raw and watch it bleed. He quickly crumpled the thought up and shoved it to the garbage can depths of his shithole brain.

As soon as he was done with his shower, it was to the mirror. The bags under his eyes looked somehow worse than most mornings, and he quickly covered them with the makeup. Next, he popped the cap of the eyeliner pen and drew four quick, sharp lines above and below each eye. The eyeliner was a habit started in 1st year of high school, despite his mother’s warnings. The logic was that if he put them there on purpose, no one would think the dark around his eyes was showing weakness. It only took some explosions in a couple asshole extra’s faces to shut up anyone trying to insult him about it.

Finally, he grabbed the tub of Vaseline he bought from a convenience store down the street and slowly rubbed it over the budding scar of his chest. He’d looked it up, and supposedly that helped heal them faster. It at least made it a little less irritated at every brush of his shirt against the wound

Packing all his things away, Katsuki returned to his room. He was still the only one awake.

--

Katsuki decided to make himself an American bacon and eggs breakfast, and apparently the smell had lured down some more sleepy extras. Goddammit, he was hoping for a few more minutes of peace. All he could do was glare at the classmates who started poking around the kitchen behind him, but they didn’t even seem to notice. Tch. Whatever.

Katsuki slid the eggs and bacon out of the pan and onto the plate, placing the pan in the sink to wash later before taking a seat at the table farthest away from everyone else. Not that that stopped people from coming, but he could dream.

Soon, Shitty Hair slid into the seat to his right and Soy Sauce to the left, and he was boxed in. Shitty Hair clanked his spoon around in his cereal bowl for a second before turning towards Katsuki and smiling, food still in his mouth.

“Bakubro!” He smiled. Katsuki instantly jolted backwards.

“What the fuck, Shitty Hair! Don’t talk with shit in your mouth, it’s gross!” These people have no fucking table manners. Shitty Hair’s eyes widened, and he quickly swallowed his cereal, downing it with a glass of milk. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

“Sorry, bro! I just have something I want to tell you!” Shitty Hair turned away for a second, then brought out his phone. “Look here! All our subs are talking about you!” A phone was shoved in Katsuki’s face and he could see a string of tweets with screenshots of him and stupid words like ‘edgy’ and ‘dreamy’. What the fuck. Dreamy? He wasn’t dreamy. Dreamy was a word used to describe assholes like that Half-n-Half bastard, not Katsuki.

Katsuki frowned at the phone, willing it to all go away. “Uh…why are they talking about me?”

“Everyone loves the hot broody guy with eyeliner, Blasty my boy,” Racoon Eyes said, leaning out from behind Shitty Hair and winking. Katsuki growled at her.

Shitty Hair was back to scrolling through his phone. “Ha! This one wants to know your favorite color. They’re obsessed.”

“That’s dumb,” Dunce Face said from across the table. “It’s obviously black. Look at his clothes.”

“No!” Racoon Eyes said. “It’s gotta be orange! Like on his costume!”

“Black!”

“Orange!”

“Black!”

“It’s fucking green.”

All members of the Dumbass Brigade turned to look at him as he stared down at his plate. He has no idea why he said that. He hadn’t meant to at all.

“What?” Soy Sauce asked.

Katsuki looked up and glared at him. “I said it’s fucking green.” Suddenly, he couldn’t take it anymore. He quickly stood, his chair screeching backwards loudly, and made a b-line for the kitchen, dropping his plate in the sink, food still half-eaten. Why did he repeat himself? Why did this bother him? Was he so weak he could talk about something like his favorite color without having another fucking breakdown? They all probably thought he was insane. Vulnerable. Stupid.

Weak.

Katsuki started heading straight for the stairs, hoping to get to his room and calm himself down before class started, but he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. He growled and whipped around to see Shitty Hair, staring at him, and looking – oh for fuck’s sake - concerned. Great. Now he was a baby who needed help from the big adult. He shrugged the heavy hand off his shoulder.

“Dude, are you alright?”

Katsuki wanted to set off an explosion big enough to level the entire dorm building. Maybe the whole entire campus. FUCK! Why had he told them about green? What the fuck was he thinking?

He was probably thinking that he could handle talking about colors! Colors!

That’s all green was. A color.

…

Color.

Green.

Color.

Red.

Dark red.

Blood.

Dark red on green. Sticky blood everywhere. Seeping. Soaking. Green gives way to red. Gives way to hurt. Hands are covered in red. All red. Vision red. Blurred.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!

Redgreenyellowscreamcryredmoreredhurtalonegreendarkblackgreenredredredredgonealonegreenre-

BAKUGOU!

It took a moment for Katsuki to realize the shout was not coming from inside his own head. Then it was sudden and immediate, like he was being torn of a different universe and sent into a totally different orbit. He felt his feet, heavy on the ground, and someone’s tight grip on his shoulders. They were keeping him upright because he was falling over. He had to stop falling over. He had to stand. He knew how to stand. You just push yourself up and-SHIT! The hands pulled him back again, stopping him from toppling backwards.

He felt tears pricking painfully at the corners of his eyes and quickly blinked them away. I don’t know how to stand.

“What?”

Katsuki realized with a start that he’d said that out loud, and finally looked up to meet Shitty Hair’s red eyes. Wait. Red. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK. Before he knew what he was doing, his hand was covering Shitty Hair’s face, blocking those eyes from view. He could not afford to go down that spiral again so soon. He shoved the other boy backwards a little bit for good measure. He didn’t need any fucking help.

Shitty Hair’s hands were still clamped down on his shoulders. Katsuki started seething. He could take care of himself!

“Get the fuck off of me!” He yelled, shoving Shitty Hair back further. Both boys stumbled a bit, but at least Shitty Hair didn’t still have a death grip on his shoulders. Katsuki looked around him and saw multiple classmates just standing there, staring. Shit. Shit. Not good. So not good. “What the fuck are you all staring at?” He roared, startling the extras.

He needed to get out of here, now. He barreled though the line of students, ramming the front door open and slamming it close behind him. He headed straight down the dirt path into the woods, not knowing where he was going and not caring in the slightest. He just needed to get away. He needed to think.

He heard the crunch of footsteps behind him, aimed one hand back, and set off a blast. He didn’t turn to see who it was, he could tell by the yelp. Why the hell would Dunce Face follow him?

“GET AWAY FROM ME!” He yelled back, not stopping his war march forwards.

“Bakugou, wait! Please!” Katsuki set off another blast behind him and heard another yelp. “Dude! I’m sorry! Please, I didn’t mean to freak you out and neither did Mina or-” Dunce Face was cut off by Katsuki whirling around and slamming him up against a tree.

“I don’t get freaked out,” He snarled. Kaminari’s eyes were wide, and he put his hands up, his feet dangling in the air.

“Oh, I mean, you just seem-”

Katsuki leaned closer towards Kaminari’s face, growling. “I. Don’t. Get. Freaked. Out. Ever. Got it?”

Dunce Face nodded quickly. “Got it!” He squeaked. Katsuki dropped him, and he landed on his feet with a cough. Katsuki just glared down at him. How dare he. How fucking dare he—this shit-for-brains idiot extra—imply that he was scared. He was Bakugou fucking Katsuki, and he wasn’t afraid of shit!

“You tell all those other shitty extras that if they ever bring this morning up, I will personally be blasting their ass to outer fucking space and relish in their screams as the sun boils them alive.” It wasn’t his most creative, but he was in fucking panic mode here.

Dunce Face looked shocked enough. “Oh-okay.” He still didn’t move.

“Now leave me the hell alone!” Katsuki yelled. Dunce Face finally turned and fled down the path again, letting Katsuki slump against a tree and slide to the ground, burying his head in his knees. This was really, really bad.

--

“Bakugou.”

Katsuki ignored the voice.

“Bakugou, what is going on?”

He kept ignoring. He sensed a person sit next to him. Aizawa Sensei. Great.

“Why weren’t you in class?”

“You mean none of the extras said anything?” Katsuki grumbled into his lap.

“The students told me you ran off into the woods. They didn’t tell me why.”

Katsuki almost breathed a sigh of relief. They had shut up about it, even to a teacher. This was fine, it was going to be fine. That was, until Sensei spoke again.

“Bakugou, does this have something to do with your friend?” Katsuki froze. What the fuck. What the fuck? Why would he ask that? Why would he bring that up?

“What fucking friend, I don’t have those,” He lied, still refusing to look up. He felt his hands start to crackle and pop with explosions he wasn’t in control of. He wanted to scream.

“I think you know who I’m talking about,” Aizawa Sensei responds, far too much concern in his voice.

Katsuki finally looked up, glaring at his teacher. “Shut the hell up about him. I don’t want to hear it, okay?” He pushed himself off the ground, hands still popping. “And I don’t need your concern, you old shithead, so leave me ALONE!”

Aizawa Sensei stood with him. “Bakugou, you don’t have to deal with this alo-”

“I’ve been dealing for the past SIX FUCKING YEARS, BY MYSELF. I CAN HANDLE IT!” Katsuki screamed. “And FUCK YOU for thinking that I can’t!” Fuck Sensei, fuck his dad, fuck the old hag, fuck the dumb therapists, and fuck his classmates. None of them thought he was capable of anything, did they? He didn’t need help. He didn’t need pity.

Aizawa Sensei sighed. “Bakugou, I’m sorry. I know this isn’t really my place. But as your teacher, I need to know that you are safe and not struggling.”

“I AM NOT STRUGGLING WITH SHIT, ASSHOLE.”

Aizawa Sensei was still unfazed by the screaming. “Okay. Could you please come back to school, then? All your classmates are doing quirk training at Ground Beta.”

Katsuki huffed and started back up the path back to school, brushing past Sensei on the way. “Fine.” He didn’t want to miss class and fall behind. Besides, quirk training was a good way to blow off steam. And it didn’t matter that he’d have to see all the damn extras again, because he’d be too busy blowing shit up to care.

--

Katsuki had blown the third boulder to smithereens, and he was grinning about it like a madman. See, idiots? I can take care of myself.

Cementos Sensei raised another wall of solid rock in front of Katsuki, which meant he could start throwing blasts at it. He was practicing quick, repeated explosions, trying to build up his stamina. And boy did it feel good to just let loose, blasting hole after hole into the rock and sending pebbles showering down on his classmate’s heads. Soon, the fourth boulder wall was in pieces on the ground next to all the others. He was about to call for another when he heard a sizzling sound and a yell.

Turning quickly, he found Racoon Eyes holding her arm with one hand while a stream of acid burst out of her other hand. Her eyes were wide and mouth wide open, and she looked like she was out of control. The rock wall in front of her was quickly deteriorating, the top part teetering backwards and starting to fall to the ground below. Where Dunce Face was.

…

SHIT.

Without thinking, Katsuki blasted himself off his rock pillar and shot at the slab that was hurtling towards an oblivious Kaminari. Yelling, he swung one fist around and punched and explosion into the rock, blasting it to chunks. And then he kept going, slamming Dunce Face into the ground and sending them both careening into the wall with a bang.

As soon as he heard the last bits of stone hit the ground, Katsuki opened his eyes. To his horror, his arms were wrapped around Dunce Face’s head, pressing the idiot into his chest as he curled around him protectively. He quickly shoved himself away and scrambled back on his ass, leaning away. Dunce Face was staring at him with wide yellow eyes. Katsuki could feel the eyes of his classmates on him, too, for the second fucking time today.

“You’re a fucking idiot!” He snapped. “Watch where your fucking standing!” He turned to face Pinky, who had gotten her quirk to stop and was now staring at them with a horrified look, gripping her hand to her chest. “And you! Control your stupid acid, you’re gonna hurt somebody!” He was sure she already knew that, but he yelled it anyways. He was pissed. His stupid friends were trying to kill his other stupid friends.

Tears bubbled out of Pinky’s eyes and she started running towards him and Dunce Face. She dropped to her knees and slid into Kaminari, gripping him in a tight hug and sobbing apologies. Dunce Face hugged her back and patted her fluffy pink hair.

“Hey, hey, I’m okay! You didn’t crush me, it’s all good!” He assured her.

“I am so, so sorry, Denki!” She repeated. Katsuki growled in the back of his throat. Do these assholes ever shut up? He stood up before Racoon Eyes could turn the waterworks and boa constrictor grip onto him. Cementos Sensei was quickly at his side.

“Bakugou, Kaminari, Ashido! Is everyone okay?”

“We’re fucking fine,” Katsuki answered. The two sniveling idiots on the floor nodded.

“That’s good. You three should go see Recovery Girl.”

“Hah?” Katsuki glared. “Why? I said I’m fine!”

Cementos Sensei just stared back at him. “Something like this leaves people shaken, you shoulder go make sure you’re okay and take the rest of the class off. No more quirk training for you three.”

“WHAT?” Katsuki yelled. That’s what he gets for saving the idiot? He stomped out of Ground Beta, swearing under his breath. He could feel Dunce Face and Pinky behind him. Maybe, just maybe, they could walk in silence, and he could-

“Bakugou, wait!” Of fucking course. Dunce Face jogged to catch up and fell in step beside him. “Dude, uh…thanks!”

“Shut it,” Katsuki growled.

“No really, thanks. You had like, superhuman reflexes back there! Speedy!”

“Whatever,” Katsuki sniffed. “I don’t care, I just didn’t need another dead friend.” Wait. What did he just say? Holy fuck, what was with him today? He couldn’t keep his stupid mouth shut.

“I- another what?”

Katsuki glared at the ground and clenched his jaw, speeding up to try and escape the yellow eyes following him. “Nothing. Fuck you.” Thankfully, Dunce Face didn’t try to catch up again and kept walking behind him. He knew they were whispering about him back there. He knew they’d go tell everyone else about it. But right now, he just needed to get alone. Somehow, 2 hours in the woods didn’t calm him down enough to keep his thoughts to himself. Because of course it didn’t. Because he was a weak, coward bitch.

This day needed to end.

--

Knock knock.

Katsuki side-eyed his door from his bed. “The hell do you want?”

“Hey Bakubro! Just wanted to uh…check in on you!” Shitty Hair called from outside.

He didn’t need to be checked up on! “Fuck off, Shitty Hair.”

“Can I come in?” What part of ‘fuck off’ did he not understand? Katsuki sighed.

“Why?”

“I don’t know, just to hang out? I have snacks.”

Katsuki paused as his stomach rumbled. “Fine.” His door creaked open and in came Hair-for-Brains, his hair down instead of in its usual spikes. He must have taken a shower after a workout or something. “If you bring up anything from today, I’m blasting you out the window.” He warned.

Shitty Hair nodded and smiled, the cocky bastard. “I know, I know. Wasn’t planning on it.” He tossed a bag of spicy Doritos across the room to Katsuki, who slid off his bed. Like hell was he eating crumbly chips where he sleeps. He watched Shitty Hair shove a handful of snacks down his throat. Gross. Why did he tolerate this guy? Shitty Hair swallowed his food and smiled at Katsuki again. “Oh, hey, have I told you about Kaminari and I’s new video idea?”

Katsuki just grunted in response.

“Didn’t think so! It’s going to be so fun, though! I can’t wait.”

“Since when do you plan your videos?” Katsuki asked. As far as he knew, the most planning that ever went into the stupid channel was to make sure wherever they filmed was close enough to a hospital. And usually that wasn’t even Kirishima and Kaminari’s doing, it was Katsuki’s.

“Since this one! Well, we’re not exactly planning it out, but it’s going to be a longer video, hopefully.”

Fine, he’ll bite. “About?”

Shitty Hair grinned again with his dumb shark teeth. “Ghosts!”

Katsuki froze, a chip halfway into his mouth. “What?”

Kirishima didn’t seem to notice his reaction. “Yup! We’re going to go check out this haunted house and look for the ghost that’s supposed to live there! Ghost-hunting!”

No. It wouldn’t-That house was gone, right? Why would they-no. No. No way! Katsuki levelled a harsh gaze at his friend on the ground. “What house.”

“You’ve probably seen it, it’s actually a couple blocks from where you live! That big grey one down the street from the gas station? It’s spooky.”

The chip in Katsuki’s hand was now crushed to dust. You have got to be fucking kidding me! He screamed in his head at whatever powers-that-be that decided to royally fuck up his day. What the hell had he done to deserve this shit-fest?

“And why do you think there’s a ghost in there?” He asked, trying to keep his voice level. He was not going to have three breakdowns in one day.

Kirishima was looking at him with unease. “Well…there are old rumors that people died in there a long time ago. And a rumor about the angry spirits killing a kid…”

Katsuki clenched both of his hands into tight fists, crushing the bag of chips. “Oh.” He choked out. Deep fucking breaths, Katsuki. Don’t be a baby. “Cool.” No. Not cool. Very not cool. Kirishima and Kaminari could not go in that house. They just couldn’t. He couldn’t let them.

But if he told them that, he’d have to say why, and that was never going to happen. And if he didn’t give that explanation, they would all just think he was some coward who was scared of god-damn ghosts, of all things. He wasn’t scared of ghosts, and he wasn’t scared of the dark, and he wasn’t scared of monsters, and he wasn’t scared of a house.

He. Was. Not. Scared.

He still had to protect his friends, though. For heaven’s sake, they nearly killed each other just today! How were they supposed to get out of that house? He couldn’t be responsible for that situation again. He wouldn’t allow it.

His mouth moved faster than his brain. “I’m coming with you.”

Kirishima looked up, his stream of babbling interrupted by Katsuki. “Huh?”

“To the ghost house. I’m coming with you.” Shit. No going back now.

“You are? Why? I thought you hated the channel.”

Katsuki glared at him. “It’s not fuckin’ up for debate, Shitty Hair.”

Shitty Hair just nodded and broke into a smile. “Alright then! Cool beans, man!”

That put a pause in Katsuki’s mind-fuck. “Cool…beans?”

Shitty Hair snorted a laugh. “Cool beans.” Katsuki frowned and raised and eyebrow, which only made Kirishima laugh harder, falling backwards.

“What the hell is wrong with you…” Katsuki muttered. “Who says that?” Shitty Hair was now laughing to hard barely any noise came out. “What are you laughing at, Hair-brains?” He snapped.

Kirishima was now clutching his stomach as he laughed, panting for breath. “Ha! Oh my god, ooohh man! The way you-ha-your face-oh my god!”

“Are you fucking laughing at me?”

Shitty Hair wiped his eyes, still giggled. “I’m not! I’m not! It’s just, hah, they way you said-hah, hah-that! Cool fuckin’ beans!”

Katsuki whipped a pillow at his friend’s face. “Shut the hell up.”

Chapter Text

They were going to the ‘haunted’ house during Spring Break, which meant Katsuki had exactly a week to get his shit together. His classmates and teachers weren’t making it very easy on him, with all their concerned looks and whispering, but he needed to focus. At least Kaminari hadn’t said anything about the ‘dead friend’ slip-up, as far as Katsuki could tell.

He needed to focus and chill out so he could go that stupid house, make sure his friends stayed alive, maybe burn the place to the ground while he was out, and never think about it again. Rock solid plan.

He had it all figured out. He wouldn’t do any sneaking around himself. He wouldn’t take his eyes off his friends, ever. He would force them to stick together. Anytime he started thinking things, he would divert his attention with a small explosion on his arms, or maybe a slap to his face. Or some yelling at Dunce Face, whatever he though made the most sense. They would find no ghosts, no monsters would be lurking around, it would all be a stupid waste of time, and he could get back to his life.

No distractions, no joking around, no fear. It would be fine.

Katsuki felt something hit the back of his head and whirled around to glare at Racoon Eyes, who looked down at the folded-up paper that had bounced off his head and fallen to the floor. He grabbed it off the ground and opened it.

Bakugou,

Thanks for saving Kaminari and therefore kind of also me. I’m so sorry I screwed up so bad. I’m not great hero, am I?

You’re a good friend, Bakugou.

Ashido Mina (Pinky)

Katsuki stared at the note for a second. What the hell was this for? She’d said sorry yesterday.

You’re a good friend.

If only they fucking knew.

Katsuki didn’t look back at Ashido, and instead just silently folded the note back up and slipped it in his pocket. He wanted to burn it. It was all lies. Ashido was talented and powerful, and she had the loving, excitable personality and comforting feeling that a hero was supposed to have. She was brave, pushed herself, and made others happy. The fuck did she mean ‘not a great hero’.

And of course, the obvious mistruth; ‘you’re a good friend’. Bakugou Katsuki knew he was a really shitty friend.

After the teacher had droned on for an hour and finally let the class go, Katsuki cornered Ashido in the hallway, holding up the note.

“What the fuck is this bullshit, Ashido?”

Ashido looked up at him with her weird eyes wide. “I just-wait, Ashido?”

Katsuki held the note in the palm of his hand and set it alight with a small explosion, then used his other hand to lightly flick Ashido’s forehead. “You’re a perfectly fine hero, you dumbass. You got into this damn school, didn’t you? And you saved some shitty extras in that villain attack last year. People love you. You just lost control of your fucking quirk for a second.” Katsuki thought to the pain in the scar tissue above his heart. “It happens. Just stop being stupid. Chill the fuck out and move on.” He dropped the ashes of the note onto the ground and dusted off his hands before shoving them in his pockets and leaving for his next class. He heard muttering behind him but ignored it. They could all shove it, he said what he said. Apparently, Racoon Eyes wasn’t going to figure that crap out herself.

Shit, these assholes were exhausting.

--

eating every spice we can find in the kitchen (subscriber challenges ep 7)

Posted by ElectricRiot

[Image ID: Two teenaged boys in a kitchen, behind the island counter. Kirishima is on the left, wearing a grey tank top. Kaminari is on the right, wearing a blue t-shirt and black choker. In front of them is a few bottles labelled as different spices like cinnamon, cloves, and ginger.]

Kirishima: What’s up, bros! It’s Riot!

Kaminari: And Electric!

Kirishima: It’s time for us to do another thing y’all dared us to do! Today, we are here to-

Kaminari: Fucking die.

Kirishima: [looking at Kaminari and laughing] Bro, it’s just spices!

Kaminari: I wasn’t talking about the spices. [looks around obviously, then leans towards the camera and whispers loudly] All of these spices are Blasty’s and we didn’t ask him.

Kirishima: Yeah, maybe we should’ve asked.

Kaminari: Dude, he would never say yes. [looks into camera] Listen kids, it’s better to apologize later than ask for permissi-[cut off by Kirishima’s hand over his mouth]

Kirishima: No, bro! Not manly!

Kaminari: [prying Kirishima’s hand off] Okay, then you go ask Bakugou if we can do this.

Kirishima: [doesn’t say anything]

Kaminari: That’s what I th-

Bakugou, from off-screen: Hey Dunce Face, did you-IS THAT MY FUCKING CINNAMON?

Kaminari: …Run.

[Image ID: Video cuts to black as Kaminari and Kirishima scramble to run out of the kitchen, Bakugou behind them. A scream and the sound of an explosion is cut off too. When the camera comes back on, Kirishima and Kaminari are both covered in flour, have messed up hair, and are panting, but there are now more spices on the counter.]

Kirishima: Okay! Now that that is over with, lets get to the challenge!

Kaminari: I hope ginger tastes better than flour.

Bakugou, from off-screen: That was your fault, zappy boy!

Kaminari: [nodding slowly] Yup. [looks at camera] Note to self, flour does not put out electrical fires.

Kirshima: It definitely does not.

--

Three days until Spring Break. And the fucking house.

Katsuki had been getting even worse sleep ever since the day he stopped Kaminari from getting crushed and agreed to go to the house with them. He’d gotten a new nightmare. It started like the same-old thing: Katsuki was hiding and listening. And then there was a scream. And he ran. And ran. And ran.

And ran until he burst through a door, but this time instead of finding just the pile of bloody green boy on the ground, he found all his friends. More colors.

Pink,

Black,

Yellow,

Red,

Green in the middle.

And then he realized the screaming was still going, and it was coming from him, and he would wake up with a chest covered in burns and lungs that felt like they were being torn to shreds which each breath.

It sucked ass.

After each nightmare, Katsuki would lay awake in his bed for hours before sunrise, staring at the ceiling and…letting it hurt. Because it hurt, so fucking bad. The burns on his chest made him feel like he was on fire. Boiling alive. And not just the new scars, the old ones hurt too. Did IcyHot ever feel like this with his eye? Because that shit had to be a burn scar too.

For some reason, he didn’t let himself put anything on the burns until after he’d visited the graveyard. Maybe it was some shit along the lines of atonement. Like if he had to hurt because of Katsuki, then Katsuki could hurt for him too.

What sucked even more was that the nightmares seemed to get worse with every day that passed and brought him closer to the day he had to go back into the house. Longer, darker, harsher, and he would wake up with a worse and worse pain in head.

Weak fucking coward.

--

First day of Spring Break. One more day until the house.

Kirishima and Kaminari had decided to spend the first night at his house because he lived so close, and it hadn’t taken much to convince his parents. He’d nearly exploded his phone with how many questions his dad started asking about his ‘friends’. The three of them walked over together after school.

Katsuki was starting to have regrets with all their blabbering. And he was really about to lose it when they started quoting memes back and forth. They were even walking on each side of him, trapping him in their conversation that was quickly dissolving into what sounded like a foreign language to Katsuki, who only ever knew about the memes the Shithead Alliance forced on him.

Dunce Face mentioned something about barbeque sauce, and suddenly Shitty Hair was laughing so hard he practically fell onto Katsuki, who shoved him off.

“I hate you both, so much,” He growled. They were laughing to hard to respond. “Something is seriously wrong with you fuckers.”

In a very unwelcome gesture, Kirishima gave Katsuki a heavy pat on the back, still laughing about fucking barbeque sauce. “Thanks for that, Bakubro.”

Finally, they arrived in front of his house. Kirishima and Kaminari stopped walking as he turned off the road and started down the concrete path, past the outer wall. He glanced back at them. They were staring.

“The fuck are you two doing?”

“Holy shit man! This is your house?”

“Tch, of course it is. Why the hell wouldn’t it be?” He turned back around and kept towards the door, the two idiots jogging to catch up. He dug into his pockets for a key and unlocked the door. He heard a familiar shout from inside and was soon enveloped in a tight hug from his mother. He tried to pry himself free. “Gah! Get off me, you witch!” His mother let him go and swiftly smacked the back of his head. He growled at her.

“Good to see you too, Katsuki!” She grinned. Evil hag. Her eyes quickly found his friends, who looked like they were trying not to explode with laughter. Ugh. “Hello! You must be Katsuki’s friends, come on in! I’m Bakugou Mitsuki.” She ushered them inside, Katsuki still grumbling and rubbing his hair. The door shut behind them and Katsuki immediately started upstairs, but his mother’s voice stopped him.

“Ah, ah, ah, Katsuki! Don’t be a little shit. Say hi to your father and give your friends a tour!”

Katsuki let out a long, violent groan and dropped his bag on the floor, rolling his eyes. He walked over to the living room and found his father folding laundry on a chair. “Hi, dad.” His dad got up to hug him quickly.

“I’m glad your back, Katsuki! Where are your friends?”

“Right here, sir!” Shitty Hair chirped from behind Katsuki, waving. “Nice to meet you! I’m Kirishima Eijirou!”

“Kaminari Denki, sir!” Dunce Face said. Where did all the fuckin’ politeness come from?

“I’m Bakugou Masaru,” his father introduced himself, shaking each of their hands. Katsuki huffed and shoved past the three of them.

“Come on, losers, we’re starting the fucking tour.”

“Katsuki! That’s no way to talk to your friends!” He heard his mother call as he stomped up the stairs after grabbing his bag.

“Fuck you, hag! They’re my friends, I call them what I want!”

Apparently, the presence of friends in their house for the first time in 6 years was making his mom go soft, because she didn’t respond with anything more than a grumble. He led his friends straight for his room and slammed the door behind them, only for them to immediately burst out laughing.

“What the fuck is it now?” He yelled.

“Oh my god!” Shitty Hair squealed out with his laughter. “That was exactly what I imagined the Bakugou household would be!”

“The hell is that supposed to mean, asshole?” Katsuki snapped.

“You look just like your mom!” Dunce Face added, cackling against the wall. Katsuki snarled at them, which only made them laugh harder. He missed the days where these losers were intimidated by him. Hell, maybe they never were. He tossed his backpack on the floor by his desk and flopped down on his bed, listening to his former friends choke on their own laughter. Former, because how dare they compare him to the hag witch mother. Finally, the laughter subsided.

“You fucking done?” He snapped at his ceiling.

“Hey! What happened to the tour?”

Katsuki propped himself up of his elbows and glared at Dunce Face. “Tour? Here’s the fuckin’ tour. My room,” – he pointed at his bed – “the bathroom” – he pointed at the right wall – “and the hag’s lair.” – he twirled his finger around in reference to the whole house. Kaminari snickered.

“Okay, I get it!”

“Ooh!” Shitty Hair said, pushing himself off the wall. “Let’s look around Bakubro’s room!”

“Yeah!”

The two of them just stood there in the middle of the carpet for a second.

“How’s the looking around going for you?” Katsuki said dryly.

There was basically nothing in his room except for the bare basics. He had a boring black desk with a cup of pens, stack of notebooks, and a lamp, on one end of the room. In the upper right corner, he had his bed with all light grey sheets and a black bedframe. His dresser and bookshelf were black to match the desk and bed. In fact, pretty much the only thing that had color was the old ass All Might poster on his wall, which was peeling off at the corners. He always wanted to take it down, but it was covering a hole he’d put in the wall back in middle school, so he just ignored it to the best of his ability. The only other semblance of personalization or decoration was the very few books on his bookshelf that weren’t schoolbooks, and the small jewelry stand with one thing on it. The jewelry stand used to be his grandmother’s, and he’d somehow ended up with it when she died. It was shaped like a curly tree. A blue plastic tree. He kept it on his dresser.

“Dude, this is the most boring room I’ve ever seen,” Kirishima said, sounding genuinely surprised.

Katsuki didn’t have it in him to snap back and instead just dropped back onto his pillows. His room was boring because he’d moved everything interesting to his room at school or Aunty Inko’s house, or blown it up in a panic attack. After it all first happened, he’d slept over at Aunty Inko’s house a lot. It was the only way he could be close to him anymore, and he thought it’d help Inko be less lonely. He moved all his All Might stuff over there eventually. Inko had probably thrown it away by now. He hadn’t visited her in years. He was an asshole.

The one thing on the jewelry stand caught Kaminari’s eye, and he moved to look closer.

“Hey, what’s this?” Kaminari said, grabbing the bracelet of it’s hook.

Katsuki’s eyes suddenly widened and he resisted the overwhelming urge to snatch it out of Dunce Face’s hands and hide it somewhere. “What’s it look like? It’s a fucking bracelet, idiot.” He managed out with his usual snark.

Kaminari looked closer at the bracelet, Kirishima watching over his shoulder. Why were they inspecting it so much? It was a piece of woven green and orange threads. Made by a child. For children. Katsuki pushed himself off his bed and grabbed the bracelet, shoving it deep into his pants pocket.

“Sheesh, what’s so fucking interesting about a bracelet?” He snapped again, his fist clamped tightly around the rope in his pocket.

“Nothing, except for that fact that it’s the only thing in your room!” Dunce Face said, throwing his hands in the air.

“The fuck did you expect?”

“I don’t know, man! Something! Anything!”

“Sorry to disappoint, then,” Katsuki grumbled, sitting back down on his bed.

“Well, it may not be a very interesting background, but we should start filming!” Kirishima announced, pulling his camera out of his bag. Katsuki, Racoon Eyes, Soy Sauce, and Dunce Face had all pooled their money to buy him the camera for his birthday last year. He reacted like a baby with a shiny new toy.

Kaminari moved to Kirishima’s side as he set up the camera on the desk, fiddling around with settings. There was a beep of a recording button, and they were off.

“Hey there, dudes! It’s me, Riot!”

“And Electric!”

Katsuki never understood why they introduced themselves at the beginning of every video. These people should know who they are by now, right? They had 1 million followers, somehow.

“We’re currently at out bro Bakugou’s house! Say hi, Bakugou!”

Katsuki ignored them. He hated cameras.

“In this video, we’re going…” Kirishima lowered his voice to a fake whisper. “…ghost hunting!”

Katsuki pulled his headphones over his ears to block out the irritating chatter. Agreeing to this was one of the dumbest things he’d ever done, he decided. He ignored the panicky fluttering of his heart.

--

“Boys! Dinner time!”

The three boys looked up from their half-finished game of cards. Kaminari’s eyes widened in excitement.

“Ooh! Bakumom made dinner!” He said, jumping to his feet.

“The fuck did you just call her?” Katsuki asked. Kaminari just grinned stupidly and sped out the door, Shitty Hair on his heels. Katsuki slumped down the stairs after them, then plopped himself into a seat at the table. Everything he did nowadays was heavy and uncontrolled. He was just so fucking tired all the time.

The smell of his mom’s katsudon helped, though. He would never say it out loud, out of fear of the hag hearing him, but he missed being home. He missed his parents. He loved being at UA, and he maybe more than tolerated his friends, but something in his chest always ached to be back home again.

He just elected to ignore that the ache only lessened at home, it didn’t go away. The thing the rest of him was aching for…was impossible. Gone. For good.

“Katsuki, sit up straight at the table! We raised you with some manners, didn’t we?” His mother snapped, bringing him out of his daze. He straightened his back while grumbling under his breath. Kirishima and Kaminari were seated to his left, his parents in the seats across from them. His mother was glaring at him. He glared back. His father glanced nervously between the two of them.

“Thanks for the food, Mr. and Mrs. Bakugou!” Kirishima grinned, breaking the tension before someone started yelling again.

“Yes, thank you very much!” Kaminari echoed.

Katsuki’s mother’s face softened at his friends. “You’re welcome! Such sweet friends you have, Katsuki.” She gave him a side-eye glance. “You could learn a thing or two from them.”

Katsuki couldn’t fucking deal with this after the week he’s had. “You too, hag,” he mumbled, poking at his food.

He saw his mom tense up, pursing her lips, but she must have noticed the lack of conviction in his voice because, for the second time today, she let it go. She turned back to his friends instead. “So! Tell me about yourselves. How’s UA?”

Shitty Hair smiled with his stupid shark teeth again. “UA is great! It’s so great learning and challenging ourselves every day. Exhilarating!”

Katsuki snorted quietly as he took a bite of his food. Who taught Shitty Hair a word like that?

“Yeah!” Kaminari chimed in, nodding excitedly. “We learn new things every second, basically!” Yeah, like Dunce Face was learnin’ shit.

“Bakugou’s one of the top three in our class!” Kirishima said, poking him in the shoulder. Katsuki just huffed and focused on his rice. He didn’t need people bragging for him. Besides, he was only number 3. That was a shitty ranking.

“Really?” Katsuki’s mom said, looking at her son. “You never said anything!”

“’S only third place. Isn’t worth tellin’.” Katsuki said, scowling.

“Well, I’m proud of you!” His dad said, smiling. Whatever.

--

“So, where are we sleeping?”

Katsuki froze, his hand mid-scrubbing a dish in the sink, staring up at Kirishima. Shit. He hadn’t thought of that. He should’ve thought of that.

“Uh.”

His mother poked her head around him. “They can sleep on the floor in your room, right Katsuki?”

“NO!” he said, more forcefully and louder than he meant to. The dish in his hand clattered to the bottom of the sink, and he quickly snatched it back up. His mother and friends looked startled. “No,” he repeated. “Somewhere else.” If they slept in his room, they would know about the nightmares, and the burns, and the puking, all of it. No fucking way.

“Oh…kay…” his mother said, staring at him with a frown and one eyebrow quirked up. “There’s the guest room down the hall from your room, I guess. That has two twin beds.”

“Yeah, sleep in there. Beds are better than a floor anyways,” Katsuki said, scrubbing his dish roughly.

“All right!” Dunce Face grinned. “Me and Kiri, havin’ a sleepover!”

Kirishima’s smile was smaller and he looked at Katsuki strangely. “Yeah, that’ll be fun.” Shut the fuck up, Shitty Hair. I don’t need your babying.

--

“Wait, Bakubro! No good night hugs?”

Katsuki shoved Kirishima back into the wall. “Fuck you.” He slammed the door closed on their laughter.

“Good night, Bakugou!” Kaminari called after him.

--

Katsuki woke with a strangled noise as he shoved his blankets off and stumbled off his bed, gripping his head in his hands and keeling over into the wall. The screams from a nightmare he couldn’t remember echoed painfully in his brain. He dry-retched and gagged with every attempt at breathing. Fuck. It was weird that he couldn’t remember the nightmare. He always remembered his nightmares (not dreams, he never had dreams).

He stumbled his way over to his desk and checked the clock. 3 am. Right on fucking time. He grabbed his flashlight, then pulled his running shoes out of his bag and slipped them on, not bothering to change. He needed to run, now.

His window opened with a slide and clack and shut with a thunk behind him after he slipped through. He didn’t want to risk waking up his friends or parents. He jumped to the ground, landing with a quiet oof on the dew-damp grass below. He took a deep, heavy breath of the chilled morning air, letting it sooth the burn in his lungs. Two more breaths, then he took off running into the dark.

For some reason, this morning, the dark felt more oppressive then freeing. Katsuki’s heart was beating far too fast, far too soon. A rock of panic was building in his chest. He didn’t know why, but he ran faster than he had before. Faster and faster because he had to go faster or else or else or else or-

And then he must have blacked out or something because he suddenly realized he was at the graveyard gates. Without thinking, he sprinted towards the grave and slapped a hand on top of it. As soon as his palm met the cool marble surface, his heart rate dropped and he deflated, dropping to his knees in the dirt and grass. He pressed his forehead against the headstone, panting, then slowly rotated around so his back was to it. He shifted a bit so he didn’t cover up the entire name that was carved into the stone.

Katsuki titled his head back and stared up at the night sky, a solid black covering with stars scattered few and in-between, most covered by thick clouds. His chest burned with every intake of soothing air, and the contrast made it hurt all the more.

He closed his eyes to block out the stars.

--

He used small blast to hop from tree branch to tree branch, then quietly snuck back through his window and collapsed onto the ground. He didn’t stay there for long, though, because he knew if he stopped moving, he’d start thinking, and that wasn’t going to work out well for anyone. He glanced at the clock, seeing that it was 5 am. At school, he didn’t really have to worry about people hearing him shower, but home was a different story. His parents wouldn’t care – they’d given up on stopping his runs years ago – but his friends might ask questions.

The thick smell of chemicals and burnt sugar hit, making his decision for him. If he didn’t shower, he might blow up the house. He’d make it quick.

15 minutes later, he was pacing back and forth in the kitchen, rapping his fingers against his hips in an attempt to ground himself. His towel flung over his head, feet padding softly on the hardwood floor. He had his shirt off, too, trying to appreciate any time he could leave his chest uncovered and free from the scratching of fabric.

Calm the fuck down, Katsuki. It’s a house.

It’s the house.

Shut up.

You can’t do it.

I can fucking do it!

No, you-

There was a sudden, hot flash of pain in his side, making him squeak in surprise and stumble backwards into the counters. After a second, he realized that he’d been so deep in his head, his quirk had gone off against his hips without him meaning to.

God damn it, Katsuki! Control your fucking quirk!

He looked down, sighing in relief when he saw that there was no hole in his shorts. That meant no explanations needed, and no new scarring.

He was such a mess. But he was fine. He was going to go into this house and protect his friends and prove to everyone that he was completley, totally, one hundred percent fine. Better than fine. Perfect. Peachy.

He was anxiously tapping his hip again. Fucking weak.

--

After a few hours of staring at his ceiling and silently exploding a bunch of pillows into feathery dust, Katsuki finally heard people getting up. He mentally steeled himself for whatever would happen when he entered the rest of the house, and opened his door.

His mother passed him in the hall and pulled him into a hug. He grumbled about it but didn’t push her off. Shit, he was being a weak little baby. He couldn’t fucking protect his friends like that.

“Good morning, Katsuki!” His mother chirped, ruffling his hair. “How’d you sleep?”

“Fine,” he lied, slapping her hand away. “Is anyone else awake?”

“I don’t think so,” his mother answered, moving towards the stairs. “I’ll make you three some breakfast.”

Katsuki just hummed a response and went to knock loudly on his friends’ room. “Hey, losers, you up?”

There was a jumble of mumbled jibberish, so Katsuki just opened the door. Shitty Hair and Dunce Face were curled up next to each other in one bed, Kirishima in a starfish position with Kaminari latched onto his waist like a barnacle. Katsuki knew his friends were just…like that most of the time, but it still felt weird. Too touchy-feely. He’d never let someone that close. But his friends looked so comfortable doing it. Both boys had wild bedhead, and Katsuki could see strands of Kirishima’s hair stuck to his mouth as he snored. So gross.

He grabbed a pillow from the other bed and threw it at them as hard as he could, slamming it into Kaminari’s face. Dunce Face barely moved.

“Wake the fuck up,” Katsuki demanded. Kaminari grumbled and curled tighter against Kirishima, who mumbled something Katsuki couldn’t understand. He growled at them. “My mom’s making breakfast.” He tried.

Kaminari’s eyes snapped open and he pushed himself up, nearly falling off the bed backwards with a cheery, “Good mornin’, Blasty!” Seriously, that’s what worked?

Kirishima, however, was still asleep. He slept like a rock, no pun fucking intended. Katsuki elected to just jab Shitty Hair in the ribs with force. Kirishima yelped then groaned, opening his eyes. Fucking finally.

“Damn, you fuckers sleep heavy. Get up!”

Kirishima smiled and rolled off the bed, standing up next to Kaminari.

“Good morning to you too, Bakubro!” Kirishima ran a hand through his messy hair and squinted at Katsuki. “Huh, you look pretty different without the eyeliner.”

“Hah?” Katsuki growled. “Shut up!” He had only used coverup this morning, knowing that eyeliner at 7 am in his own home would be strange. He didn’t expect his friends to comment on it, though.

“You’re hot either way,” Kaminari said with a shit-eating smirk. Katsuki punched him in the shoulder.

“I’m never letting you shitheads near me again.” The assholes just snickered and ignored him. He tried changing the subject. “You realize there are two beds in here, right? You better not be fuckin’ in my house.”

Kirishima’s face went as red as his hair, and Kaminari’s eyes widened as his cheeks went slightly pink.

“I’m not-we didn’t-uh,” Shitty Hair spluttered. “’S not like that!”

Katsuki let himself have a small smile of victory, turning to leave the room. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Come on, time to eat.”

Kirishima and Kaminari kept looking at each other and then looking away, then back again, blushing. It was fucking annoying. They were barely eating their food. His tease hadn’t been worth it. His nerves were too fucked up already to deal with this.

“Oh my god, stop it!” He finally snapped. “I was teasing! You can stop acting like that!”

Kirishima was blushing again. “Like what?”

“Uuuuugh!” Katsuki groaned, throwing his hands up. “The staring and shit! I get it! You’re friends! Friends sleep in the same bed or some shit, I don’t know!”

Shitty Hair and Dunce face looked at each other, then away again. Katsuki held back a scream. They had bigger things to worry about today than the possibility of some gross ass feelings! Like the goddamn fucking anxiety-inducing death trap definitely-not-haunted house.

“Look, I just want to know if you idiots have a game plan here.”

Now the assholes looked confused. “A game plan?” Kaminari asked. “For what?”

“For the fucking house, obviously!” Shit, they were gonna die. “What the hell were you gonna do, just waltz in there and fuck around for a day?”

Kirishima blinked at him. “Uh…yes?”

“I mean, we planned to stay the night!” Kaminari added. Katsuki thought he might crush the chopstick in his hand.

“I’m sorry, we’re going to what?” He said.

Dunce Face took a bite of his food like he hadn’t just dropped that bomb. “Yeah, that’s the whole thing! Stay a night in a haunted house! Spooky~!”

“I thought you were ghost-hunting!” Katsuki said, trying to calm his internal panic. They were going to SLEEP IN THE FUCKING HOUSE. NOT FUCKING GOOD.

“That too,” Kirishima said nonchalantly.

Katsuki slammed his hands down on the table, rattling the dishes and startling his friends. He pushed out a harsh, long stream of air. His entire body was shaking like a scared child. He needed to calm down before he burned his house down. He was being a baby. Weak.

“Bakugou, are you okay?”

He was not. He should be. He should be okay. He had to be okay. He was fine! Not fucking afraid of a dark corner in a goddamn piece of shit rickety house no matter how much his body told him otherwise.

“You don’t have to come with us if you don’t want to, man.”

Katsuki whipped around to glare at Kirishima. “Yes of course I fucking have to!” You’ll get killed if I don’t. Not happening again. “Besides, why the fuck wouldn’t I? I’m not scared of that house!”

“I never said you were!” Kirishima said, putting his hands up defensively.

“Well good, because I’m not! Monsters aren’t real!” He yelled, not thinking about anything anymore.

Kaminari frowned at him. “Who said anything about monsters?”

–scary monster, kacchan

“Nobody. Shut up.” No. No, no, no. He couldn’t do this again. The voices. He couldn’t do the voices again, not after all this time.

kacchan, wait!

kacchan, please! stay

kacchan? where are you?

“Get out of my head,” Katsuki whispered through gritted teeth, leaning over the table.

“What?”

“I didn’t say anything,” he lied, standing. “I’m going to take a piss.”

kacchan, that’s mean

kacchan, don’t go!

wait for me!

you’re so brave, kacchan

i wanted to help you!

ka-kacch-chan?

Katsuki slammed the bathroom door so hard the whole house shook.

Chapter Text

Katsuki didn’t tell his mom and dad they were going to the house. He told them they were going to sleep over at Kaminari’s for the night. They were happy about it.

Meanwhile, Katsuki was trying not to faint. It had taken some screaming at Kirishima and Kaminari to convince them to stop asking if he was okay. He didn’t need their worry. Sheesh, he was the one worrying about them, not the other way around! They left to go to the house as the sun was setting.

And as they got closer to the big grey house, his heart definitely did not skip a beat, and his fists in his pockets did not get so tight he might’ve left permanent fingernail marks on his palms. And he did not hear his fucking voice again. No, he was just as calm and cool as the two idiots joking around to a camera as they walked.

“Oh, look, we’re here!”

Katsuki’s heart dropped to his feet and every muscle in his body screamed at him to run run run run FUCKING RUN! But he was frozen to the spot, staring up at the rickety house that might’ve fallen over after a particularly strong sneeze from someone outside, with cracking wooden banisters and dark ivy vines snaking throughout, wrapping around the boards crudely nailed over the windows. Every single window was cracked or shattered, and a huge section of the front porch was covered in obscene graffiti. The chain-link fence surrounding the property was rusted and titled backwards, only held up by far overgrown rose bushes. The flowers had stopped blooming years ago.

“Spooky,” said Kaminari.

“Yeah!” agreed Kirishima.

Katsuki didn’t say anything, his lips were stuck together in the same way his feet were glued to the sidewalk.

ka-kacchan! you want to go in there?

“Hey, Bakugou, you coming?”

wait, kacchan, be careful! don't go so fast!

“It’s so old!”

we’re not supposed to, kacchan! we’ll get in trouble!

“You think the door is unlocked?”

kacchan, where’d you go? come back!

“Ha! Easy!”

kacchan, please! please come out! i'm scared!

“Holy shit, this place is dusty, man!”

kacchan? is that you?

“Yo, Bakugou, are you with us?”

kac-kacchan, you-run.

bloody hands

bloody face

bloody green hair

bloody chest

screaming

whispering

choking on blood

it was a monster, kacchan

run

“Bakugou?”

The voices sounded like they were filtering through miles of water and heavy dirt. Katsuki was dying. This had to be dying.

No, no, no! He couldn’t die, then what would happen to Kirishima and Kaminari? They didn’t know. They didn’t know how much danger they were in. He had to protect them. He had to protect him he had to find him and save him he had to-oh. Wait. He was dead already.

Suddenly, his vision came crashing back, a rush of blurring black and red and yellow. He reached and grabbed Kirishima’s shoulder tightly because he knew if he didn’t then he’d have another grave to visit every morning. He still had time for them.

“Film your fucking video, asshat,” he said, sounding far more pathetic than he wanted to. He let go of Kirishima and crumpled to the ground like his legs were made of paper, then just sat there. He felt them staring. “The fuck are you wasting time for?” He snapped.

Kirishima and Kaminari didn’t move. Fuck.

Katsuki took a deep, deep breath, and then, despite the scream playing on loop in his head, he fucking smiled at his friends. “I am fine. Go do your shit.” The smile felt wrong. Unnatural. His muscles twitched under his skin at the new shape and he finally dropped back into his resting scowl. If that shit didn’t get them to leave him alone, he didn’t know what would. Fuck! Why was he being such a baby about everything.

The other boys nodded and smiled back at him, then turned around to unpack their bags. Good. Finally. Katsuki watched them like a hawk, every nerve in his body on high alert, noticing each tiny noise and movement. The screaming in the back of his mind didn’t stop, and he couldn’t stop his eyes from drifting to the stairs. He started tapping his fingers on his thigh nervously.

run

kacchan

He spent the rest of the evening shadowing his friends as they explored the bottom floor of the house, hands twitching and tapping at his sides. He didn’t say a word until they moved for the upstairs, and then he nearly screamed.

“NO!” He shouted, running over and skidding to stop in front of Kirishima and Kaminari, blocking them from the steps. Their eyes went wide. Shit, think of a lie. “You can’t go up there. The stairs might not be able to take your weight.” Yeah, okay, that would work.

“Oh. Good catch, Bakugou.” Kirishima smiled.

Kaminari leaned to the side to look at the cracked wooden stairs behind Katsuki. “Yeah, that could be bad. We’ll test them out tomorrow.”

WHAT? Katsuki nearly yelled. No! Under no circumstance are they going upstairs! He would burn them to the ground if he had to.

Kirishima yawned and stretched his arms out behind his head. “Besides! It’s already super dark, we should set up our sleeping bags!”

“And then go to sleep?” Katsuki asked hopefully. If they were asleep, he could stay up all night watching them and not worrying about them going anywhere.

“Meh, probably not. It’s only 9 pm.”

FUCK.

“We should tell ghost stories!” Dunce Face suggested happily. What a great fuckin’ idea. Katsuki groaned into his hand.

kacchan, you came back!

kacchan, stay away

monsters

run

run!

“Not while they’re still here,” he whispered back to the voice in his head, following his friends around the house as they searched for a suitable sleep-spot.

then make them leave too

Katsuki tripped on nothing, stumbling forward and barely catching himself. What the fuck. The voice doesn’t talk back. It’s never talked back. Even when he was 10 years old, it was just echoes of things already said and heard. He shook his head, trying to shake out the crazy shit. He must’ve just been…making shit up in his head. Or that was his own thought, just in a different voice. He imagined it. It was nothing.

Nothing.

--

“Man, I thought this was gonna be more interesting,” Kaminari whined, resting his chin on his knees on top of his sleeping bag and staring at the camera that was still running. “Like, it’s creepy, but there’s no ghosts or anything.”

“We’ve still got all night! We gotta wait for midnight, that’s the ghost hour,” Kirishima said from his spot between Kaminari and Katsuki.

“What makes you say that?”

“I just know.”

Kaminari laughed. “Hey, Bakugou, what do you think?”

“Huh?” Katsuki had hardly been listening to their conversation, focused more on the weird way the front door was creaking. He wanted to blast it to pieces.

“Do you think we’ll see ghosts?”

Katsuki was still focused on the door. “Who would you even see?”

“The angry spirits!” Kirishima answered.

Katsuki side-eyed him. “Hah?”

Kirishima clapped his hands and rubbed his palms together excitedly. “Ha! Ghost story time!” He put his hands out and switched to a slightly lower voice. Kaminari leaned in. “Okay, legend has it, this house has been plagued by mysterious happenings for decades, ever since the family that built it disappeared without explanation. There were rumors that the dad killed somebody, so they skipped town. That was the first weird thing. Then, the neighbors said they heard voices coming from the house at night, even though they knew nobody lived there. The voices sounded angry.”

Katsuki’s friends had wide eyes, while Katsuki biting his lip so hard he tasted blood. Good. It kept him grounded.

“And then, one night, out of nowhere, there’s this huge scream from this house, and the neighbors freak out and call the police. When the police arrive, there’s no one there, but the bathroom is stained red. With blood. There were even handprints on the walls.”

bloody room, bloody walls, bloody claws

“Holy shit,” Kaminari whispered, curling tighter around himself. “What happened?”

“Nobody knows. But after that, the voices were gone for a couple years. Everyone thought the haunting was over, but there also wasn’t anyone willing to buy the property or tear it down. They all thought it would make the spirits come back and kill them!” Kirishima leaned in closer to his friends. “But then, six years ago, it happened ag-”

CRACK.

All eyes were on Katsuki, who was staring down at his fist, buried in the cracked floorboards. He’d been pressing down so hard he’d broken through the rotting wood. He quickly pulled his hand out and brushed off the splintering wood.

Kaminari gasped. “Oh my god, cursed house.”

“Wait, I’m not done with my story!”

Please don’t finish. Katsuki wanted to say. The words caught in his throat.

“Anyways. 6 years ago. The neighbors heard another scream. And then a different scream.”

“Woah, what?” Kaminari breathed.

Please, Kirishima, please shut the fuck up.

“And that time, when the police got there, they found two kids. Like, 10-year-olds.” Kaminari and Katsuki sucked in simultaneous sharp breaths.

“Two dead kids?” Kaminari whispered, horrified.

“No, one of them was still alive. But he was freaking out, badly. He kept screaming about monsters and something about

Deku.”

Deku.

really, kacchan, you still called me deku?

What. That wasn’t something the voice should say. Was he going crazy? Hallucinating? Did he eat something bad?

“What happened to the kid?”

“The one who survived? I don’t know. People say he went insane after that, like it was too much for his brain. But that’s just a rumor.”

i guess it makes sense

i'd have said kacchan

Suddenly, Katsuki wrenched himself to his feet, panic bursting in his chest. Without his consent, his body moved for the stairs, ignoring his friends confused voices trailing behind him. He faltered at the first step, but quickly brought his foot down. When his boot hit the wood, it was a current of electricity and panic shocking through him and screaming at him to run.

And suddenly, he was that kid again, 10 years old and chasing the screams of his friend. He heard a snap and crunch behind him but didn’t turn to look. He didn’t have time. Deku didn’t have time. He hit the last step and launched himself into the hall, screeching to stop in front of that door, grabbing the rusted, bumpy handle and slamming it open.

The floor cracked when he fell to his knees, sobbing heavily. He folded in on himself, digging his nails into his shoulders, choking out a yell that came from somewhere deep in his bones, something he’d been holding back all these years. A blood-curdling, earth-shaking, painful cry.

The wood was still stained red.

He wasn’t there.

He didn’t help him.

He left him.

“I’M SORRY!”

His words were swallowed by the empty void in the middle of the room. He was shaking, violently. He felt like he’d swallowed glass and his insides were being torn to shreds.

Katsuki lifted his head, hot tears burning on his cold cheeks, and screamed.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, tears spilling over into his voice and drowning him in the mourning. He’d never mourned before. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

”It wasn’t your fault.”

“It was all my fault!” He yelled into the room, tasting blood on his lips.

”Kacchan, don’t be silly. You didn’t kill me.”

“I might as well have.” Katsuki slumped over again, unable to stop shaking.

”Not true.”

“Stop lying, you know I’m right!”

”I’d never lie to you, Kacchan. Never.”

“I couldn’t-” Katsuki cut himself off with a sharp gasp as his entire body went terribly, frigidly cold. And then, blooming from his heart, was warmth. A warmth Katsuki hadn’t felt in so, so long. The warmth of summers spent side by side on riverbanks and in deep woods, climbing up trees and laughing in a park. The warmth of the sun, and a smile, and wide green eyes and messy forest hair, and a hand held outstretched in invitation.

Katsuki regretted not taking that hand everyday of his life.

“It wasn’t your fault, Kacchan.”

Katsuki’s breath caught in his throat. He slowly looked up to meet blinding emerald eyes.

His voice was tiny and raw from screaming. “Deku?”

The green smiled at him. “Hi, Kacchan. I didn’t mean to startle you, but I’ve been waiting for so long.”

Katsuki sat up fully. Deku was in front of him. Deku. Deku, with his mop of dark green hair and his freckles that outnumbered the stars and his bright eyes that haunted Katsuki’s dreams as he watched that light drain out.

But it wasn’t Deku, not quite. There was something off. Something small, but violently wrong with him. Everything about him was greyed and dull and sallow and opaque. Everything except for his eyes. And that was before Katsuki even noticed that, despite the fact that he was kneeling in front of him, Deku was floating a few inches above the ground. And that he was obviously not 10-years-old anymore.

He had on the same blue “T-shirt” t-shirt he was wearing back then, and the same beige cargo shorts. The shirt had three long slashes diagonal down the middle, revealing scars running up and down Deku’s not-body like skid marks on a dangerous highway.

Katsuki’s hands started shaking again as he lifted one off his shoulder and reached out towards Deku. He pulled away at the last second.

Deku smiled again, but it was sad this time. “I know, I know. I don’t look great, do I?” And then Deku laughed, actually fucking laughed and Katsuki froze because the sound was so wrong. It wasn’t normal Deku laughter, which was like the sun. It was hollow and cold and totally empty of things laughter should have, like joy. Deku looked back up at him and titled his head. “I guess death does that to a person.”

Katsuki didn’t respond. He didn’t know what to say. Deku shifted out of his kneeling position and crossed his legs instead, still levitating.

“I missed you, Kacchan. You never visited.”

He never what?

“I visited you every day,” he choked out.

Deku raised his eyebrows. “You did? Where?”

Katsuki wanted to scream ‘AT YOUR FUCKING GRAVE, BECAUSE YOU ARE DEAD.’ Instead, he said, “The graveyard.”

“Oh. Every day?” Katsuki nodded, and Deku smiled softly, resting his chin in his hand. “Oh.” He said again. “That’s nice.”

Katsuki stared at him for a bit. Deku stared right back. “You’re dead,” he blurted eventually, like an idiot.

Deku snorted and laughed again, less hollow this time. “I always said you were a genius, Kacchan.”

“I-that’s not what I meant, and you know it, nerd.”

Deku sighed. “I even missed the nicknames.” He sounded almost genuine.

“Stop messing with me.”

Deku gave him a small smile, then looked pensive. “I don’t really get it either, Kacchan. And believe me, I’ve had plenty of time alone to think.” Deku started tracing circles on his leg absentmindedly. “I think it has something to do with its quirk.”

“It?”

Deku stared at the ground, bright eyes turning dark. “The monster.”

“The…monster had a quirk?”

The look on Deku’s face turned almost frightening as he moved his finger from his leg and threaded it through the tears in his shirt. “Yes.” He looked up at Katsuki again. “I don’t know how it works or anything. All I remember is after…after, I woke up and felt like I had…I don’t know how to say it, like I was totally empty. Physically and mentally. And I heard sirens and yelling and…and you, and I ran over to the window to tell everyone that I was here, and the only one who reacted to my shouting was you.”

The suppressed memory hit Katsuki like a truck. The doctors told him that the green shadow he saw in the window and voice screaming his name was just some kind of stress hallucination.

“But everyone still left. I tried to follow, but as soon as I tried to leave the house, I was suddenly back up here again and…shit, it hurt so bad. I was so scared, Kacchan.” Deku’s eyes wavered like he was going to cry. Could dead people cry? “I waited. For someone to come back. Anyone. Mostly you.” Deku looked down at the ground. “One or two people did, people looking for a scare. They never noticed me. After a couple years I realized that you weren’t coming back.”

“Well,” Katsuki said, his voice raspy, “I uh…I came back.” Every inch of his body was screaming to wrap his arms around Deku and never let go, but he knew that if his arms passed right through him, he might not recover.

Deku grinned. “You did. Rather dramatically, might I add. And with friends.”

Almost like a mention of them was a summoning spell, Katsuki heard Kirishima yelling his name.

“Bakugou!” He sounded desperate. And scared. Shit, they must have heard the screaming. “Bakugou, please!”

Deku ‘stood’ and floated out the door. “You should tell them you’re okay.”

Katsuki nodded weakly. “I’m up here!” He called back, his voice strained.

The relief in Kirishima’s voice was almost tangible. “Bakugou! Holy shit! Are you okay?”

Deku appeared in front of him and leaned down. “You broke all the stairs, Kacchan. They can’t get up here.”

Katsuki felt bile rise in his throat alongside panic in his chest. He scrambled to his feet on shaky legs and stumbled out to the top of the stairs. The bottom half of said stairs were reduced to broken chunks of splintery wood on the floor. Katsuki stared down at them, then up at Kirishima, who looked like he’d been crying.

“Bakugou! Bakugou, oh my god. What the hell happened? Are you okay? Did you get hurt? I heard the screaming, is there someone up there?”

Katsuki glanced over at Deku, who was hovering above the banister, staring at Kirishima with his feet up in the air. “Uh. I’m okay. Where’s Kaminari?”

“He went to go get your mom.”

He heard Deku gasp. “Aunty Mitsuki’s coming?” He even looked happy about it. This was so fucking weird.

“My mom?”

Tears bubbled in Kirishima’s eyes. “Yeah. Bakugou you were screaming so much and we thought – god, we thought you were dying or something and we just…we just freaked out and I called the police and I thought your mom might be able to get you down and-”

“Woah, Kirishima, stop.” Katsuki said, putting a hand out. He really wished he give Kirishima a hug right now. “It’s okay. I’m sorry. I am so sorry, it was my fault.”

“What?” Kirishima said. “No, it wasn’t, we were telling you all those stories and even though they freaked you out so much! I should’ve known not to, that was stupid of me.”

“Kirishima, of course you wouldn’t know I’d…you know. I’m the one who didn’t tell you.” He looked down at his feet, the over at Deku. “There’s actually…a lot I haven’t told you. Way too much.” Deku smiled at him. Way, way too much.

“Bakugou, what are you tal-”

Katsuki didn’t hear the rest of the question, because he promptly passed out.

--

He woke up to bright buzzing lights of a hospital room ceiling and the sound of his mother crying and yelling simultaneously.

“-he think that he should go into that house again? And those scars, Masaru, what the hell is that about? How did he-” the talking stopped abruptly. “Katsuki?”

His eyes fluttered open all the way. “Mom?” he croaked.

There was a shriek, and suddenly he was wrapped tight in his mother and father’s arms. His mother pulled away, holding him at arm’s length with concern and worry plastered all over her face.

“Katsuki, are you okay? Are you hurting?”

He blinked and squinted into the harsh light. “Uh…no hurting.”

His mother’s face turned angry and her grip intensified. “Good. Now, care to tell me why you thought to go back to that house without telling me?”

“Mitsuki, honey, he needs to rest,” his father said, placing a hand on his mother’s shoulders.

His mother let out and angry sigh and let him go. “Yes. We can talk about that later. I’m just…” she swallowed roughly. “I was just worried, Katsuki.”

“I’m sorry, mom.” He’d probably said those two words more times today then he’d ever said it in his life.

“Oh, Katsuki, it’s okay. As long as you’re okay, I’m okay.”

Katsuki nodded. “Where’s Kiri and Kaminari? Are they okay?”

His mother’s face darkened. “Kirishima and Kaminari are fine.” She said coldly.

“Wait, mom! Don’t be mad at them.”

His mother glared. “How could I not be! Look what they put you through!”

“Mom, I did this to myself,” he said, his voice cracking. “They didn’t know. I never told them. Or anyone.”

His mother’s firm expression shattered into something like grief. “Oh, Katsuki,” she said again, pursing her lips as she started crying, pulling him into another hug. This one was soft.

It broke him, and suddenly he was crying too and gripping the back of his mother’s shirt. “I was so-the blood was-it was still there, mom, and I was so scared that it would-it would come back and I wouldn’t-” he hiccupped and sniffled loudly. “I’m sorry, mom, I’m so sorry.”

And for the first time in his entire life, Bakugou fucking Katsuki let himself be scared out of his damn mind.

--

There was a quiet knock on the door of the hospital room where Katsuki was lying in bed, half-asleep. His mother and father had left about an hour ago for work, at his insistence on being alone. He’d fallen asleep almost immediately, and while it was a restless sleep full of nightmares, it ended with bright green eyes.

“Come in,” Katsuki mumbled. The door cracked open and let the light from outside spill through, followed by Kirishima and Kaminari. “Hey, guys.”

“Bakugou!” They both shouted, running over to his side and flopping down on top of him in what might have been a hug.

“Oof. Get off me, ya morons.”

Kirishima and Kaminari did so, smiling.

“Good to see your back to normal,” Kirishima teased.

Katsuki swallowed the rock of fear in throat. “Yeah, about that…” He needed to tell them. About everything. About Deku.

Wait. Deku.

Deku was still in the house.

I was so scared, Kacchan. Deku’s voice echoed in his head. I waited. For someone to come back. Anyone. Mostly you.

He left Deku. Again. He pushed himself off the bed in a panic but was stopped by Kirishima’s heavy hand on his chest pressing him back into the pillows.

“Woah, dude, what do you think you’re doing?”

“I need to-I have to…” he stuttered. Fuck. He had to explain, but he needed to get back to Deku right now. Screw it. He grabbed Kirishima’s hand with both of his slightly smaller ones and stared at his friends desperately. “There’s a lot I need to explain, like so much, but right now I need you to help me break out of this hospital.”

“What?” Kaminari spluttered. “Bakugou, no!”

“Please,” he begged. “Please, I need to go back to that house.”

His friends stared at him with a mix of shock and horror.

“Bakugou, what the fuck?”

“Absolutely not!”

“Not after what literally just happened! You passed out!”

“Your mother would murder us!”

Katsuki put every ounce of the desperation he was feeling into his voice, making it crack with emotion. “Please. I left something there. Something really important that I can’t leave behind again.”

His friends gave each other a look.

He tried one more time. “Please.”

He could see their resolve shatter. Kirishima sighed. “Okay, but you are not leaving our sight, even for a second.”

Katsuki just nodded wildly, shoving himself off the hospital bed. He spotted his clothes folded up in one of the chairs and, without thinking, took off the hospital gown and changed into his old shirt, right in front of his friends.

“Bakugou, what the hell?” Kaminari said, sounding strangled.

“What?” Katsuki asked. Then he realized. The scars. “Um, yeah. Like I said, I have a shit ton of explaining to do. For later.” He cracked his knuckles. “Right now, it's time to break out of a fucking hospital.”

Chapter Text

Turns out, getting out of the hospital wasn’t that hard. Despite a short run-in with a nurse where they lied and said they were there visiting a friend, Katsuki and his friends were able to get out without any trouble. As soon as Katsuki walked through the front doors and outside, he took off running. He’d been to the hospital enough times to know how to get home, and all the quick ways to do it. He took a sharp turn into and alleyway and was suddenly slammed to the ground by a heavy weight on his back.

“WHAT THE FUCK?” He screamed, blasting himself into the air and whipping around to confront his attacker. Who was Kirishima. “Oh, it’s you.”

Kirishima groaned and stood up, letting his hardening fall away. “Yeah, it’s me!”

“Why’d you jump on me?” Katsuki snapped.

Kaminari came around the corner, huffing and puffing. “Shit, Bakugou,” He panted, “We said we’re not letting you out of our sight!”

He didn’t have time for this. “Then run faster.” He turned and sprinted away before either friend could catch their breath. He heard them scrambling around on the sidewalk behind him but didn’t turn back. He was on a mission. He wasn’t leaving Deku again.

After what felt like hours but was probably 10 minutes, Katsuki sped by his house. He suddenly skidded to a stop and changed directions, running towards the tree outside his window. Using his blasts, he jumped up and slid through his window, searching around franticly. He found the bracelet on his dresser, shoved it in his pocket, and jumped back out the window. When he reached the front of his house, Kirishima and Kaminari had finally caught up.

“What are you-” Kiri panted. Katsuki didn’t wait for him to finish.

Soon, he was at the house again and taking the porch steps three at a time, bursting through the rickety front door with enough force to rip it halfway off its hinges.

“Deku!” He yelled, stopping at the bottom of where the stairs used to be, panting. “Deku, where are you?” There was no response. Shit. Shit! He looked around for a way to the second floor, knowing that his quirk would send the old house up in flames. “Deku! I came back! I’m sorry!”

He heard Kaminari and Kirishima panting in the doorway behind him.

“Deku!” He shouted again.

“Deku?” Kaminari murmured behind him. “Who’s Deku?”

“Please!” Katsuki yelled, “De-” A sudden flash of green, and Deku was in front of him, hovering halfway down the stairs.

“Kacchan?” His voice was thick with tears.

Katsuki’s eyes widened. “Deku! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to leave, I-”

“Kacchan!” Deku barreled towards him, grinning with his arms outstretched and-

And then he passed right through Katsuki and came to a stop behind him.

“Oh.” Deku said, staring down at his empty hands.

Katsuki turned to look at him. “Oh.”

Kirishima and Kaminari were staring at him with confusion and maybe a little fear.

“Bakugou…who are you talking to?” Kirishima asked gently, in a tone that grated at Katsuki’s ears.

“Uh.” Was all he could say.

“How hard did you hit your head, buddy?” Kaminari asked.

Katsuki glared at him. “I didn’t fucking-GAH! I HATE THIS!” He turned around and buried his face in his hands.

Deku appeared in front of him again. “Kacchan, calm down. It’s okay.”

“No! It’s not! I want to-shit! I don’t know!”

Deku looked at him with those calm green eyes, smiling softly. “Kacchan, you should tell them. You need to tell them.”

“But…but…” But then they’ll know how weak and helpless I really am. He didn’t say it loud, he just couldn’t.

“You’re not weak, Kacchan,” Deku said gently, almost like he was hearing Katsuki’s thoughts. “You’ve always been strong. You’re the strongest person I know. Kacchan’s amazing.”

Katsuki squeezed his eyes shut to stop stupid fucking tears and pressed his head up against the wall. Deku used to say that all the time. He was so, so wrong. Katsuki wasn’t amazing, or strong, or great. He was weak and fucked up and an asshole.

“You can’t keep holding this inside you, Kacchan. I saw you last night. I know how much it’s hurting you.” Katsuki didn’t respond. “Kacchan, please.”

kacchan, please!

Katsuki sighed heavily. He’d never been good with words, always letting his actions dictate his feeling rather than saying them out loud. But it wasn’t working out very well so far. “Okay, yeah, you’re right.”

“Never thought I’d hear you say that, Kacchan!” Deku teased. Katsuki glared at him.

“Not the time.” Deku just grinned smugly. Little shit. That he missed. So much. He turned back to his friends.

“Bakugou, seriously, what is going on with you? Please stop talking to the house.”

Katsuki growled and threw his hands up. “I’m not talking to the-ugh, never mind. Look I need to explain some shit and I might as well do it now.” He plopped himself down on the ground, Deku hovering next to him. His heart felt like hummingbird wings in his chest. And his stupid fingers wouldn’t stop twitching and shaking. Fucking pathetic.

His friends didn’t move. “Um, maybe we should go back to the hospital?” Kaminari suggested nervously.

Katsuki glared at them. “Sit the fuck down and let me say my shit, then we can go back to the hospital.”

“You were at the hospital?” Deku asked, surprised and worried. Katsuki ignored him, and instead took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to calm his hammering heart. It didn’t really work, because of course it fucking didn’t.

When he opened them, his friends were finally sitting on the ground across from him. Okay, Katsuki, tell them. Tell the-he suddenly felt a retch coming and puked a little in his mouth, jolting forward. He gagged, then spit at the ground behind him. Great start, Katsuki.

“Woah, Bakugou, are you-”

“Stop asking if I’m okay! I’m fucking fine!” Katsuki yelled on instinct. Deku frowned at him deeply. He took another long breath and pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut to his friend’s stupid faces. “Well, no, I’m not fine, that’s the…the whole point of this fucking conversation. Gah, why is this so hard?” He opened his eyes again and found Deku smiling at him encouragingly. “Okay. I’m doing this. Please no fuckin’ interruptions.” He locked eyes with his friends. “I’m serious. I have never, ever told this shit to anyone before.”

His friends nodded quickly and kept their mouths shut. Good.

“So,” Katsuki started. His heart was now a full-on percussion section in his chest. “You know that uh…the uh…fuck. The story you told last night? About this house? And the-the kids?” More nods. Deep breaths, Katsuki, you can do this. Deku’s here. “I…I was the…I was the kid who…um, the one who survived.” This time, he didn’t look up to meet his friend’s expressions. Blessedly, there was no response. He felt like he was going to puke up his insides. Pull yourself together, Katsuki! “Yeah. The uh…other kid, De-I mean Izuku. Er, I called him Deku. His name was Izuku, though. He was my best friend since…” He locked eyes with Deku, who was watching him intently. “since forever. Always. And then I…I had to…”

blood everywhere can’t stop it gushing gushing overflowing too much too much too much

Katsuki gasped slightly at the flashback, trying to shove it out of his mind. “I had to watch him die.” He finally spat out, his voice quivering. He heard his friends gasp, too. “The last thing he…he said was that a-a monster was there and he-he wanted me to run even though it was all kind of…kind of my fault, so I-”

“It wasn’t your fault, Kacchan!” Deku suddenly yelled so loud it made Katsuki flinch.

“I mean, I thought it was my fault because I…made us go into this fucking house and then I…I couldn’t save him in time…and that’s why I had to come with you guys because maybe I co-could…” Fuck, he was crying. And he couldn’t stop talking. It was like he’d popped the cork off a very shaken up bottle of shitty soda and he couldn’t stop the stream of words from coming up. “Because may-maybe then I could protect you when I couldn’t…pr-protect him, you know? But then I couldn’t even-I me-mean you started talking about…it and I heard him again and then I…” Katsuki turned his head to look up the crumbling stairs and towards the room. “He uh…back then, I found him…up there. And there was…fuck there was so much blood and-“

crumpled bloody body green is gone sticky crying kacchan monster deku please don’t go run you’re so weak run run run kacchan run

Katsuki stared at his own shaking hands, watching them turn red through his blurry tears. “And it was still there. The bloodstains. On the ground. Shit. It was…I was…I couldn’t handle it, I fucking…christ you guys don’t even-I don’t sleep. Like, at all. And if I do, it’s all nightmares, and I-I visit his grave every morning when it’s pitch fucking black ou-outside and I just fucking sit there! I don’t even like…bring fl-flowers or some shit I just sit there and then there’s the fucking color green, because his hair was green and his stupid eyes were green and I just…FUCK!” He wrapped his arms around his waist dug his fingers into his sides.

“My eyes aren’t stupid,” Deku said, pouting like that was the only thing Katsuki had said. It was almost enough to make Katsuki burst out laughing.

“Not stupid, just very green.” His vision started losing focus with all the crying. His heart was pounding against his chest with force and he was shivering violently. Maybe he’d pass out again. His mother was never letting him out of the house after this. “And then I guess the last thing would be the-the fu-fucking scars, right?”

“The scars?” Deku asked.

Katsuki pulled down the collar of his shirt until the top half of his biggest burn was revealed. Deku gasped. “Those are uh…well-I did them. On accident du-during…because of the fuc-cking nightmares and uh… I couldn’t control my o-own stupid qu-quirk…because I’m weak and I just…can’t…do shit.” He bit down on his tongue and wished he could just stop fucking shaking. “I think that’s-that’s it. The fucked up li-life of Baku-Bakugou Katsuki, complete saga.” He finally let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding in the whole time. He did it. He finally fucking said it all, out loud, and he didn’t even get pulled that deep into a flashback. Except he also fucking cried the whole time like a whiny baby. Fuck.

“You forgot about me,” Deku whispered.

“The en-entire fucking thi-thing was about you, a-asshole,” Katsuki grumbled under his breath, still stuttering through tears and hiccups. He finally lifted his eyes to meet his friends. They were crying. Shit. “Fucking say something!” He yelled, panic rising. Shit. They thought he was weak. Broken. Of course they did. He never should have said anything, he never should have listened to Deku, he never should’ve come back to this-

“Can…can we hug you?” Kirishima suddenly asked.

Katsuki paused. The panic in his chest soothed out a bit. “Fine.” In a flash of color, his friends rammed into him like a sack of rocks and pushed him into the wall behind him, gripping him tightly. He just sat there and let them do it, maybe giving in a little. Well, who was he fucking kidding, he just told them all that shit. What was the point in acting tough anymore?

Deku appeared above his friend’s heads out of nowhere, smiling his soft smile. He had dimples. Katsuki only just noticed this. He wanted to poke them. The thought made him sad.

“I’m proud of you, Kacchan.” The smiled dropped. “And I’m sorry for causing you so much pain. I had no idea.”

“Hah?” Katsuki said loudly, startling his friends. He lowered his voice to a quiet hiss. “Don’t you fucking dare talk like that, you little bastard. You didn’t cause me shit. If it wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t yours either.”

Deku looked at him, all puppy-dog warmth and teary eyes. “Thanks, Kacchan.”

“Tch.”

Finally, Kirishima and Kaminari stopped being leeches and let him out of their hug.

“Um…thank you, Bakugou,” Kirishima said. “For telling us. I’m betting that was…more than really difficult.”

Kaminari nodded. “Yeah, that was really brave of you.”

“Very…very manly.”

you’re so brave, kacchan!

Katsuki’s eyes snapped up to Deku, then away. “I uh…fuckin’ thanks, I guess…I just…yeah.” He trailed off, wiping the tears from his eyes with his shirt sleeves.

“And Bakugou? I am so sorry,” Kaminari said.

“Me too, I should’ve never-”

“Gah! Not you assholes too! Stop fucking apologizing to me!”

“But-” Kirishima started.

“No buts! My fucking problems are the faults of two people on this earth and neither of them are you guys!”

Kaminari frowned. “What two people?”

“Myself and the monster,” Katsuki responded dryly. He hadn’t thought about it until he said it, but it was true. Every problem could lead back to one of them.

“The monster?” Kaminari repeated quizzically. Katsuki stared at him for a second, them looked up at the second floor, then back at him. His yellow eyes widened. “Oh. That.”

Katsuki sniffled, his voice infused with loathing. “Yes, that.”

The three – four? – four of them sat in silence for a while. Eventually, Kirishima spoke up.

“Uh, Bakugou? I really don’t want to pry, but something is worrying me that you didn’t mention.”

Here it comes. “Fucking what?”

“What were you…who were you talking to? And why did you need to come back?”

Katsuki took another deep breath. He’d just told them his literal deepest secrets, how much worse can it really get? “You have to promise not to laugh, or think I’m crazy, or lock me up in the mental hospital or something, though. Okay?”

Kirishima and Kaminari looked worried, but they nodded anyways. For some reason, Katsuki trusted them.

“I was…I came back for Deku. That’s who I was talking to.”

Kaminari titled his head. “Deku? But isn’t he the…um, he’s, you know…”

“Dead?” Katsuki looked over at the dead boy hovering above Kirishima’s head and inspecting his spiky hair, muttering about hair spray strength. “Yeah, that’s the weird part.”

Deku stopped his muttering and looked up. “Oh, are we talking about me, now?”

“Since when did you get so self-absorbed?” Katsuki asked.

“Since I spent 6 years with no one but my beautiful self to talk to,” Deku said, raising and eyebrow and smiling and he lounged back in the air. The dimples were back on his freckled cheeks.

“You talk to yourself all the time, should’ve been easy.”

“So mean, Kacchan,” Deku said, twisting upside down with a pouty frown, hair hanging off his face.

“Bakugou, what the fuck?” Kirishima finally interrupted.

“Are you…are you talking to Deku?” Kaminari whispered, like what they were talking about was top secret or something.

Katsuki huffed. “Yeah, and he’s bein’ a little shit again.” Deku stuck his tongue out at him. He resisted the urge to do so back.

“You’re the little shit, Kacchan.”

“I hate you,” Katsuki lied.

“Then why’d you visit my grave every day?” Deku teased.

Katsuki glared up at him. “I’m never doing that again.” It wasn’t a lie. Why visit Deku’s grave when he could just visit Deku now?

“Okay, please stop! Bakugou, I love you, but it is so creepy to watch you talk to nothing!” Kirishima finally snapped.

“Yeah…” Kaminari agreed. “Do you have a way to like…prove it? Because I’m still not so sure you didn’t just hit your head really hard.”

Katsuki glared at them. “I started seeing him before I fell off the fucking stairs, assholes. And no, I don’t have a way to prove it. I don’t think.” He looked at Deku as a question, but Deku was staring at Kirishima with squinted eyes. Katsuki looked between the two of them. “Okay, I’m just going to talk to him for a second. Deku, why are you staring?”

“He said he loved you,” Deku said, slowly looking back at Katsuki.

“Yeah, he says that to all his friends, what’s the deal?”

“And then he called you creepy.”

“Well, I am being creepy. That was fair.”

Deku just hummed. “Okay, fine. Was there a question?”

“Is there a way to prove you exist?”

Deku rubbed his chin thoughtfully, and Katsuki prepared himself for the stream of mumbling.

“Well, nothing off the top my head, but let me see…a few years ago, some guy came in here with a camera and when I tried to talk to him, I accidently fell through him and he started shivering, so that might be something. Though, that did happen in the middle of winter…and Kacchan didn’t start shivering when I tried to hug him earlier, so maybe it was just that guy…I also haven’t been able to interact with any physical objects, I don’t think, so that probably won’t work. Unless…no, that’s not it because…”

Surprisingly, the nerd’s rambling didn’t make him want to explode his face like it used to. Instead, it made him want to hug him even more, and poke that stupid stray hair out of his eyes and tuck behind his ear. His chest was aching to touch him. The mumbles finally stopped.

“Okay, Kacchan. I have a couple ideas, but I don’t know if any of them will work.”

“That’s no different from every plan you’ve ever had, so fine.”

“Hey! Not true! I- okay that’s kind of true but still.”

Katsuki turned back to his wide-eyed friends. “Okay, Deku says he has a plan. He’s going to tell me it now then I’ll tell you.”

“Great,” Deku said. “So, plan A is to…basically touch them and see if I make them cold.”

“Seriously, that’s what you came up with?” Katsuki snorted.

“Just tell them!”

Katsuki relayed the information.

“And plan B?” Kirishima asked.

“Plan B is to try and open the cupboard. I did it once. At least I think it was me, not the wind.”

“You’re bad at this, Deku.”

“You try being a ghost, Kacchan!”

“Okay, okay, I got it.” He told his friends plan B. “And I think that’s all he’s got.”

“Okay…” Kaminari said. “So, is he just gonna, like, ghost-touch my shoulder or something?”

“I’d rather ghost-slap your face for doubting my existence, but sure,” Deku muttered, making Katsuki laugh. He’d gotten some backbone over the years alone, apparently.

“He says he’d rather slap you.”

Deku whipped around to face Katsuki, eyes wide. “Kacchan! I didn’t-don’t tell him that!” He sputtered.

Kaminari laughed nervously, obviously not able to tell if Katsuki was serious or not.

“C’mon, Deku, slap my friends with your cold ghosty hands.”

“Ugh, you are insufferable. Why did I miss you so much?” Deku said, floating towards his friends. The words made Katsuki’s heart flutter in his chest for some reason. “What’s the yellow-haired guy’s name again? I’m trying him first.”

“Kaminari, you’re the victim.”

“He’s not a victim!” Deku whined. “Stop making me look mean like you.”

“You are mean, though.”

“I am not!” Deku protested.

“Stop stalling, Deku.”

Deku let out a grumbling sigh and stared at Kaminari, who was super confused and frozen to the spot. Deku swiped a hand through his face. No reaction. Deku tried his shoulders, then punched through his chest. Still nothing.

“Well, that was a bust,” Katsuki said. Deku frowned back at him.

“I’m going to try the one with the cool hair too.”

“Your turn, Kirishima.” Of course Deku thought that hair was cool.

“Wait, he did it? I didn’t feel anything,” Kaminari said.

“Yeah, that’s why he’s trying again.”

Deku pressed his hand straight through Kirishima’s face. Then his stomach. Nothing happened, and Deku let out a groan of frustration.

“Plan B?” Katsuki asked.

Deku sighed. “Yeah, okay.”

“Did he…did he try me?” Kirishima asked.

“Yup, he punched you in the face.”

“Kacchan!”

“You literally fuckin’ did!”

“Yes, but it wasn’t like that!”

“I think I felt…a little chilly, maybe?” Kirishima said, shrugging.

“Enough to make you believe me?” Kirishima didn’t answer. “Thought so. Deku, it’s time to open a fucking cupboard!” Katsuki pulled himself to his feet and found his way into what may have once been a kitchen a hundred years ago. There were vines growing out of the sink faucet and a weaving through and over the counters and drawers, poking out of the cupboards. Katsuki put a hand out, gesturing to the kitchen. “You may proceed with your ghost fuckery.”

Deku huffed at him as he passed, knees bent and hovering a few feet off the ground. He approached a cupboard door, took a deep breath, and reached out. His hand passed right through. He tried again. Same result.

“Ugh!” Deku groaned. Then he twisted his face into his thinking face, with his nose all crinkled up and bottom lip sticking out. 6 years hadn’t changed that face at all, but it didn’t used to make Katsuki feel like…that. Deku’s eye’s widened like a lightbulb went off over his head. “Wait, Kacchan, come here.” He waved Katsuki over.

“Why?”

“Because…I don’t know, when you’re closer I feel more…solid, I guess. Like we’re tethered together.”

Katsuki walked over to Deku’s side. “Weird.”

Deku didn’t answer, and instead stared down the cupboard door like it was a villain. He clenched his jaw, squinted his eyes, reached out, and creaked the cupboard open. His eyes flung open wide and whooped a victory cry, flying up through the ceiling then back down.

“Yes! Kacchan, did you see that? You were watching, right?” He was grinning right in Katsuki’s face, and Katsuki suddenly felt too warm.

“Of course I saw it, nerd. I was right here.”

“Holy shit!” Kaminari said. “Was that him?”

“Yup.”

Deku was still pumping his fists in the air, like a little victory dance. Cute. Wait no. Funny. Stupid. Deku. “Wait, I want to do it again!” He gasped, diving towards the cupboard door. He squealed in excitement as his hand wrapped around the edge of the wood and he started shaking the door back and forth. His eyes were so wide and bright they could’ve been stars. “Ah! Kacchan, look! I’m moving it!”

“Deku, if you don’t stop, you’re going to-”

Snap!

Deku stared at the cupboard door he’d broken off the hinges and was now holding in his hands. “Oops.” The door slipped through his hold and crashed to the floor.

Kaminari and Kirishima were losing their minds behind Katsuki.

“Holy shit, ghosts are real!” Kaminari shouted. “Ghosts are real?”

“What the hell is going on?” Kirishima said. “First you ask us to break you out the hospital, and now you have a…a ghost friend?”

“Wait, what?” Deku said, floating up to Katsuki’s side. “You broke out of a hospital?”

“Well, yeah, I wanted to make sure you didn’t think I abandoned you again,” Katsuki confessed awkwardly.

Deku looked at him with adoration and his heart flip-flopped like a dead fish. “Thank you, Kacchan.” Adoration turned to anger. “But don’t you dare break out of a hospital again. You’re in there for a reason!”

“It was a stupid reason.”

“Kacchan! You fell from the second floor!”

“I was fine.”

“I would slap you right now if I could.” Deku glared at him like an angry puppy, then turned to his friends. “You should probably calm them down before they short-circuit.”

Katsuki laughed in the back of his throat, looking at Kaminari. “You have no idea how accurate that phrasing could actually be.”

--

After Kirishima and Kaminari had finally calmed down, they started asking him rapid-fire questions. The first was from Kaminari.

“Exactly how long have you been hanging out with a ghost, Bakugou?”

Katsuki was sitting on the floor of the house and leaning back against the wall, his arms resting over his chest, staring up Deku, who was staring down at him and his friends. Katsuki couldn’t stop looking down at the scars on his chest and the rips in his shirt.

“Uh…since last night,” he answered, watching Deku poke at the lightning bolt in Kaminari’s hair. “Deku, stop being weird.”

“I’m not being weird!” Deku protested, snatching his hand away. “I just want to know if that’s something to do with his quirk or if it’s a fashion statement or…I don’t know.” He sounded almost sheepish.

“What’s he doing?” Kaminari asked nervously.

“Hey, is that stupid lighting bolt in your hair natural?” Katsuki said, ignoring his question.

Kaminari reached up to touch the black streak. “Uh, yeah, I was born with it. I mean, it matches my quirk, so…”

“Ooh, what’s your quirk?” Deku asked excitedly, his eyes sparkling. He must have forgotten that Dunce Face can’t hear him.

“His quirk is being a phone charger, Deku.”

Kaminari gasped. “I do more than that!”

“Wait, can we go back to the whole ghost situation?” Kirishima said, putting his hands up. Deku was already off the mumbling land, and Katsuki could tell he wasn’t hearing anything. He decided not to interrupt.

“Sure, ask your fucking questions.”

Kirishima looked like he had far too many questions. “What…uh…what’s he look like? Dos he look 10? Is he 10?”

Katsuki squinted up at Deku, who seemed to be slowly rotating around in the air without meaning to. He definitely wasn’t 10 years old anymore, Katsuki could tell. For one, he was taller. And his even though he still had a baby face, he looked more mature.

“No,” Katsuki answered. “He’s 16, too, I think.”

“Okay…is he…you know, scary? Like a horror movie ghost? With like…blood and stuff?”

Katsuki stared at the scars through the slashes in Deku’s shirt. The looked like new scars, but still healing. His eyes travelled up to Deku’s face. His mouth was open and moving slightly, his tongue poking his cheek as he worried his bottom lip with one finger, strands of fluffy grey-green hair falling over his ears and forehead.

“Not scary,” he said, more wistfully than he meant to. Shit. He hardened his voice again and tore his eyes off Deku. “Not that-not that I’d be fucking scared of him anyways!”

Kirishima looked surprised, then smiled. “Obviously.” Katsuki growled at him. “So, not scary. What’s his deal then?”

“Be more specific, Shitty Hair.”

“I mean, does he look like a normal person? And why can you see him, but we can’t? And why only yesterday?”

“One at a fucking time, Kirishima!” Katsuki huffed. “Okay. Number one. Yes, he looks like a normal person. Almost. He’s kind of…” He looked up at Deku, who was still muttering. “He’s kind of washed out. Grey. See-through. And he can float around.” Kirishima and Kaminari nodded along. “Number two, why can I see him? I don’t really know.” Deku suddenly looked up at him, opened his mouth like he had something to say, the shook his head and looked away again. Weird. “And the same goes for number three. Well, there is the fact that he can’t leave this house. And I never came to this house before yesterday, for obvious reasons.”

“Do you know why he’s a ghost? Instead of just…” Kaminari didn’t finish the sentence, but Katsuki got the picture.

“He thinks it had something to do with the…the monster’s quirk.”

“The monster had a quirk?”

Katsuki glared at him, letting his friends know he was done with that line of conversation. He never wanted to talk about the monster again. Their eyes widened slightly, and Deku appeared above them. Wait. Green hair, yellow hair, red hair.

Katsuki suddenly burst out laughing for the first time in years. He slapped the floor and gripped his stomach, cackling like a madman.

“Ka-kacchan?”

“Bakugou?”

“Dude, what?”

Katsuki sucked in a breath as he laughed, and it came out a high-pitched squeal. He pushed off the wall and bent over the floor, unable to get ahold of himself. Shit, he was fucking giggling. He hadn’t laughed since he was 10 years old, and even back then he didn’t fucking giggle. The thought of it just made him laugh harder, which made him giggle, which made him laugh, which made him snort and cackle and howl all the more. It was like he’d lost control of his movement, because suddenly he was toppling to the side and curled up on the floor, literally shaking, no sound coming out anymore except the occasion high pitched intake of air.

“Oh my fucking god,” he finally gasped, rolling onto his back and flopping out like a starfish. “Holy shit. Hah!” He was breathing hard, and Deku was soon floating above him, grinning.

“Kacchan! You’re laughing!”

Katsuki panted and giggled more. “Yeah, I’m fucking-hah! Phew. Shit, that was…oh my god.”

“Oh man, Bakugou! What was that?” Kirishima said, sounding happy. “I have never heard you laugh before!”

“You giggled! And snorted! That was so cute!” Kaminari said.

“I’m not fucking…” Katsuki tried to protest, but he was too tired out. Sheesh, was laughter supposed the be this exhausting? “Haaaah. Shit, sorry, that was just…you three look like a fucking traffic light!” He said, bursting into another fit of giggles, bending his knees up to his chest and falling to his side. “Red, yellow, green! Stop, wait, go!” He chuckled, almost in a trance.

“Is…is Deku green?” Kirishima asked. Katsuki was still lost in his panting in laughing, so he just nodded.

He heard a snort above him and then a giggle and holy shit Deku was laughing again. With him. It wasn’t like the laughs from yesterday. It was real. Warm. It was Deku’s laugh, and Deku’s laugh was the sun and all the twinkling stars and it felt so fucking good to hear it again. Katsuki looked up at him, and Deku had his eyes squeezed shut, freckles dappled on his grey-pink cheeks, smiling wide.

“Ha! Kacchan, you’re right!”

Katsuki suddenly felt breathless, not from laughter. “Of course, I am…nerd,” he sighed, awestruck. He heard Kirishima and Kaminari snickering, but it felt like they were miles away. The only one he could see was Deku.

Deku.

Deku, Deku, Deku.

I missed you so much.

Chapter Text

Katsuki’s mom was probably going to kill him. But as he walked up to the front door of his house that afternoon, after promising Deku he’d come back tomorrow, he couldn’t fucking care less. He felt happier than he had in years. Shit, he hadn’t felt happy at all since that day until this morning. He was on top of the world. Nothing could-

The door swung open as soon as he knocked, and he immediately passed out into his mother’s arms.

The last thing he thought was ‘oops’.

--

dark

just dark

nothing
empty

empty

empty

falling
into
nothing

dark

no, green

alone

scared

deku?

izuku

not moving

no

not again

nonononononononono

wakeupwakeupwakeupwak-

green

breathing

blood

gone

bright

touching, can’t touch, falling

no

falling

going

nonononono come back come back!

COME BACK!

--

Katsuki’s eyes slammed open to a dark room and a strangled noise coming from his throat. He sat up quickly and curled into a ball on his bed, heaving in the stagnant air in his room. His door opened with a bang against the wall.

“Katsuki!” His mother shouted, her eyes wide and wild with worry. “Katsuki, are you okay?” She sat on the bed next to him and wrapped him in a hug.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He mumbled.

His mother gave him a look. “Honey, you were screaming at me to come back.”

His nightmare. “Oh. Sorry.”

His mom hugged him tighter. “Katsuki, what is going on with you? First you go back to that house, then you run away from the hospital, come back home, and faint right on top of me! Honey, you were…you were shaking, and you weighed…nothing! Have you been eating?”

Katsuki groaned and pressed his closed eyes against his knees. “Too loud, mom.”

“I’m sorry, Katsuki, but you are driving me and your father crazy with worry.” His mom sounded scared, like she was going to cry. His mother never sounded like that. “Please, Katsuki, just tell me what’s going on.”

He wanted to tell her, but the words caught in his throat. He’d been hiding so much from his parents for so long. And he knew they wouldn’t believe him. They’d probably think he was hallucinating or going crazy, and then they’d take him out of school or force him back into therapy, and then he definitely wouldn’t get to see Deku again. So, no, no telling the truth.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, mom. I’m just…having a really hard time right now.” He thought about Deku, laughing in the air. “But I think I’m…I think I’m gonna be okay, maybe? I haven’t ever thought that.”

His mother cupped his cheek in her hand and brushed away and stray tear. “Oh, Katsuki. I love you, you know that?” She brushed his hair back off his forehead and kissed him there lightly.

“I know, mom.”

His mother’s hand moved to his shoulder. “And you also know that I am so angry at you right now, but I’m going to let you rest, fist.” Her harsh red eyes met his. “You are not to leave this room, Katsuki, you understand?”

He nodded weakly. “Okay.” As soon as she closed the door to his room, he flopped back on his bed, sinking into his pillows. He stared at the empty darkness of his ceiling, listening to his quiet breaths and steady heartbeat. He felt something in his pocket.

Oh. The bracelet. Carefully, he took the braided cord out of his pocket held it above his face, fiddling with it in the dim light. Back when he and Deku were maybe 4 years old, before all the shit with his quirk – or Deku’s lack thereof – happened, he and Deku had spent a week at a summer camp. They called the bracelets their ‘promise charms’. The promise being that they would always be together. Katsuki was the orange, Deku was the green, and they would always be woven tightly like the threads of the bracelet.

Yeah, well, ropes can fray. Katsuki had taken his off in 1st grade, but inexplicably kept it on dresser. Deku never took it off. Katsuki was pretty sure he died wearing it.

Katsuki had taken his bracelet to the house with the intent of showing it to Deku, but then everything kind of went off track. He’d show him tomorrow. He sighed and got off his bed, knowing he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep. At least, not for long.

Placing the bracelet carefully next to his pen cup, Katsuki slumped down in his desk chair and pulled out his break homework. He really wanted it to be tomorrow already.

--

Katsuki was on house arrest, and he wanted to fucking scream.

“WHAT?” He yelled when his mom dropped the bomb.

She was unfazed and just stared him down, despite being the same height as him. “You heard me, Katsuki. I can’t trust you anymore.”

“I can take care of myself!” He shouted back, hands smoking.

“Katsuki, turn off that quirk right fucking now,” his mother ordered. Katsuki closed his fists. “And no, you very obviously cannot take care of yourself! You’re grounded, and that’s final.”

Katsuki let out an exasperated yell. “Mom-you can’t just fucking-”

“No, Katsuki, I’m not changing my mind here! It’s for your own good,” His mother said, literally stomping her foot. “Now get your brat ass back into your room if you’re going to keep acting like this!”

“FUCK YOU!” Katsuki screamed. He stomped up to his room as loudly as he could and slammed to door closed, then pressed his back up against it and slid to the ground. Fuck. He had to get out of here. He needed to get back to Deku. He couldn’t break another fucking promise. He didn’t care if his mom grounded him for the rest of life on earth, he had to get back to the house.

He scrambled to his feet and went to open his window, but it wouldn’t budge. His parents had apparently installed a lock on it when he was asleep. Whatever, like a shitty piece of metal could hold him back. He backed up from the window a bit and started rubbing his palms together to make them hot and generate enough sweat. Then, he wiped all the sweat on his palms onto the tip of his pointer finger, and focused all his energy on that one spot, aiming his finger at the window lock.

There was a sizzle, then a pop and a tiny, high-pitched whizz as the molten sparks flew off his hand and landed on the metal with a small explosion. The lock clanked down on the windowsill then bounced onto his floor. He grinned wide and suppressed a whoop of success. He’d have to show that off to his teachers later. He’d never gotten that precise.

As quietly as he could, Katsuki slid the window open and slipped through, balancing precariously with one foot barely on a tree branch and the other pressed against the wall of the house. Usually, he’d just drop down, but he couldn’t risk his parents walking by the window below and seeing him. When they were asleep, that wasn’t an issue, but he had to be more careful during the day. He quickly shut the window behind him. Then, he bent the leg that was propped against the house and leaned as far away from the tree as he could.

Three, two, one!

He shoved against the house with all his might, sending himself flying backwards into the tree. He tried to swivel around and find a foothold, but there was nothing there and he continued his trajectory down. Fuck!

There was a unexpected blur of colors and noises and he felt branches and twigs scrape against his arms and legs as he flailed about wildly in the air. Suddenly, something hard hit him right in the stomach and all the oxygen was forcefully expelled from his lungs much too fast.

He stayed there, gasping for breath as his surroundings came into focus once more. The things that hit him in the stomach and stopped his fall was a particularly thick branch of the tree, one which he was now handing over like limp towel. With a long, loud groan, he lifted his arms and wrapped his hands around the tree, pushed himself up, and slowly lowered himself down until he was hanging just a foot above the ground. Apparently, all that working out over the years was paying off. He dropped the grass and ducked under the window quickly. There was no yelling, which he took to mean he was in the clear, and so he started running.

It didn’t take long to reach the grey house, and he quickly jogged up the steps and through the empty front doorway. The door he’d ripped off the hinges yesterday was lying on the floor beside the doorway. He nudged it with his foot, then turned his attention to the second floor.

“Deku?”

In an instant, the flash of green boy appeared in the air. “Kacchan! You came back!”

Katsuki was still breathing heavily from his assault-by-tree branch. “Of course I did, you damn nerd. I said I would, didn’t I?”

Deku smiled. “I know, but it’s still good to see you again.” He frowned, floating closer to Katsuki. “Are you okay, Kacchan?”

“Hah? Yes, I’m fucking okay! The hell kind of question is that?” Katsuki instinctively hid his arms behind his back.

Deku was unfazed by the yelling, per usual. “Kacchan, show me your arms.”

“Don’t fucking tell me what to do!” Katsuki snapped.

Deku just gave him a look, then disappeared. Before Katsuki could react, he heard a mutter behind him. “Gah!” He jumped forward and turned around to glare at Deku, who frowned back at him.

“Kacchan, your arms are all scratched up! What did you do?”

Katsuki held his arms on top of his chest and growled. “Nothing! Stop worrying about me, I’m not a baby!”

Deku inhaled deeply, furrowing his eyebrows. “It’s been 6 years, Kacchan. You haven’t gotten over that kind of thinking?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Katsuki snapped.

Another look, then a sigh. “Worrying about you means I care about you, Kacchan. That’s a good thing.” He titled his head and gave Katsuki a small smile and floated down to his eye level. “See? I don’t look down on you. Never have.”

Katsuki had never told Deku that thought before. “Wha-I don’t…how did you-”

“I spent of lot of time watching the neighbor’s TV through the windows. They watched a lot of therapy talk shows.” Katsuki just stared at him and didn’t respond or move. Deku looked down at his arms again, then met his eyes. “So, what exactly did you do to your arms?” He asked calmly.

It was like the emerald eyes were putting some kind of charm on him, because Katsuki actually answered. “I fell into a tree. And then back out of it.”

Deku laughed. “What?”

“Never mind,” Katsuki snapped. “It’s fine, they don’t hurt or anything.” He silently wondered how much time he had before the hag or his father would come up to check on him. Maybe he could get back before they noticed his absence.

“That’s good,” Deku said, smiling again. Every time he smiled, Katsuki’s heart ached for something he couldn’t name. It was driving him crazy. “So, want to…uh…” Deku rubbed the back of his neck nervously and broke eye contact. “Talk, or something?”

Katsuki swallowed the awkward lump in his throat. “Sure…sounds good.”

Both boys stewed in clumsy silence for a minute. Katsuki started drumming his fingers on his leg in and effort to calm his heart’s nervous fluttering. Come on! This is Deku here! Just fucking say something! He cleared his throat, startling Deku a little. His wide eyes made Katsuki’s heart flutter even more. Gross! Stop it!

“What have you been…uh…up to?” Katsuki asked stupidly.

Deku laughed again and raised an eyebrow. “Oh, so much. Great stuff. Seeing the world, taking in the sights, eating things and talking to people, all the fun things human beings do.”

Katsuki growled. “Since when did you get so sarcastic?”

Deku seemed to relax, his legs floating up as he leaned back. “Like I said, my only source of the outside world was reality TV.” Deku frowned. “The neighbors don’t watch the UA channel though, which sucks. I wanted to see all the cool hero stuff at the sports festivals.”

“I’m at UA!” Katsuki blurted. “And I won. The uh…festival. Both years so far.”

Deku’s eyes went wide again and he suddenly blinked to right in front of Katsuki, pressing his face in close. “Really! Oh my gosh, Kacchan, I’m so happy for you! You did it!”

Katsuki stumbled backwards away from Deku’s way too close face. “Ye-yup! I mean, it was a given that I’d be the best, so…”

“Of course, Kacchan! I never doubted you,” Deku said, grinning his stupid blinding grin with his stupid little dimples. He clapped his hands together. “You have to tell me all about it! What’s it like? Did you make friends? Wait, of course you made friends, you brought uh…Kirishima and Kaminari! Yeah! Are they your friends? What are their quirks? Who did you fight in the sports festivals? How did they work for your classes? Was it points based or tournament gauntlet situation? Did you-” Deku cut himself off with a huge, high-pitched gasp. “Do you have a hero costume?” He was practically vibrating with excitement as more and more questions spilled out.

Katsuki couldn’t stop the corners of his mouth from twitching up into an almost-smile. At least Deku didn’t notice.

“Kacchan! Answer my questions, you’re killing me here!”

“You’re already dead,” Katsuki said without thought. He gasped and slapped a hand over his mouth. “Shit, I mean-uh…”

But it was okay, because Deku was laughing. “Sure, sure, but I still want my answers!”

“You’re talking too fast for me to get a word in, nerd!”

“Fine! I’ll shut up! Just tell me about hero stuff!” Deku was practically begging at this point.

“Wait a fucking second! I’ll find pictures.” Katsuki grabbed his phone from his pocket only to find a large crack running down the middle. “Shit.” Deku floated above him frowning.

“Oh no, Kacchan! Does it work?”

Katsuki clicked the power button and sighed in relief when the phone screen lit up, showing the blurry photo of a tree he had as his lockscreen. Racoon Eyes had changed it to herself and the rest of his friends a bunch of times as a joke, but he always put the tree back. It was more calming that way. He swiped up and typed in his passcode, then noticed Deku staring at him. “What?”

Deku face broke into a smile. “Your password.”

“What about it?” Katsuki asked, knowing what Deku was going to say but hoping he might not have noticed.

“It’s All Might’s birthday!”

“Yeah, and?” Katsuki grumbled.

“I don’t know, I just like knowing that you still like him. Just like when we were kids!”

Katsuki grinned. “Well, All Might’s actually a teacher at UA now, so I’ve met him.”

“WHAT?” Deku practically screamed. “You met him? NO WAY!”

Katsuki turned back to his phone and went to his favorites tab in the photo app. He clicked on the only picture there, a picture of himself standing next to All Might, the rest of his classmates cropped out because he’d been too embarrassed to ask for a picture just the two of them. He showed Deku the photo. Deku’s eyes went wide as saucers.

“Oh, my, GOD, KACCHAN! TELL ME EVERYTHING!” Deku shrieked.

Katsuki winced but couldn’t make himself annoyed at Deku’s excitement, that same caliber as when they were children. “Like what?”

“I don’t know! Everything! What’s he like as a teacher? Is he ever cooler up close?” Deku shoved his face close to Katsuki’s again. “Did you get his autograph?” He squealed.

“He’s a pretty good teacher, I guess. And then definitely yes, and…kind of yes?”

“Kind of yes?” Deku repeated.

Katsuki stared at the floor. “I mean…he’s signed my permission slips before.”

Deku started cackling.

“Shut up! You would’ve been too awkward to do it too!” Katsuki snapped.

“Yeah, I would’ve.” Deku smiled. “Anyways, show me the sports festival! And your classmates!”

Katsuki decided to take a seat against the wall, Deku floating with his legs crossed next to him as he pulled up a Youtube clip of the sports festival from his 1st year and let it play. Most of the time, he just watched Deku watching the video.

--

After maybe an hour of watching and re-watching clips from the festival and letting Deku fanboy over his classmates and quirks, Katsuki got a text from his mother. He turned away from Deku’s excited muttering and glared at his phone, tapping the notification.

The Hag: Katsuki, I know you don’t want to talk so I’m giving you space, but you should at least respond when I knock on your door. I hope you’re asleep, and I’m letting you know that you have to be downstairs for dinner in 3 hours or else

Katsuki huffed and closed his texts. So, she didn’t open his door, good. That meant she still thought he was home.

“Who’s ‘The Hag’?” Deku asked quizzically, having stopped his mumbling.

“My mom.”

“Kacchan! That’s not a nice thing to say about your mother!” Deku whined.

“Whatever.” Katsuki was still pissed at her for not letting him out of the house.

“You should appreciate your mother more, Kacchan.” Katsuki turned at the sound of Deku’s voice. He didn’t sound like he was nagging. He wasn’t even looking at Katsuki, just staring off in the distance with a sad look on his face. Oh.

“Deku…” Katsuki didn’t know what to tell him.

“Is she okay, Kacchan?” Deku asked, still not looking at him.

Katsuki swallowed the rough feeling in his throat. He didn’t know how to answer that, either. He hadn’t visited Deku’s mother, Inko, since his first year of middle school, five years ago. He’d only seen her a couple times since then, mostly run-ins at the grocery store. He never said anything and always avoided eye contact. He was such an asshole.

“I…yeah, I think so.”

“I think about her all the time, Kacchan. We were all the family each other had. Us against the world.” Deku turned to look at him with a sad smile. “Except you and your parents, of course.” The words were like knives through Katsuki’s heart. Deku didn’t know. How could he know?

“I really hope she knows how sorry I am. I’m glad you were still here with her, Kacchan.” Deku gave him a look. Katsuki was frozen to his spot, eyes wide like a deer in the headlights. “Right?”

Shit, he’d fucked up so bad.

“Kacchan, you visit her, right? Please don’t tell me you make her do it alone.” Deku was pleading with him now.

“I visited her…at first.” Katsuki admitted, heart racing.

Deku slowly closed his mouth, clenching his jaw and staring at Katsuki with such a solid look of anger Katsuki felt like he was in a villain attack. “At first?”

“I-it was…it was too much for me, so I…” Katsuki trailed off, unable to come up with an excuse suitable enough anymore.

Deku drew in a sharp breath and tensed his shoulders. “You what, Katsuki? You left her? Alone?” Katsuki’s mouth opened and shut like a floundering fish. Deku never used his real name. “I can’t fucking believe you, Katsuki.” And in a blink, Deku was gone.

Shit.

Shit, Deku left. Izuku left him. Katsuki searched around the room but only found empty space.

“Deku? Deku, please!”

No, no, no! Not again, he couldn’t lose him again! He had to…he had to do something.

He had to visit Inko. Not just for her son, though. Because he’d left her alone, and that was a really shitty thing to do.

--

Katsuki stared up at the apartment concrete apartment building, trying to remember which was the Midoriya’s. The middle one? Yeah, that seemed right. Then it was on the…third floor, five doors down from the elevators. Katsuki nodded, confident in his memory, and made his way up.

His fist stopped halfway to knocking on the door. He forced it to keep going, rapping on the wood twice. He heard some shuffling around from inside.

“Who is it?” A familiar voice called through the door. It was Inko, but she sounded…weaker.

“I…um…is this Midoriya Inko’s apartment still?” He asked, just to be sure.

He heard Inko gasp, then heard locks sliding open behind the wall. The door swung open, revealing a tiny woman in a black housedress, her once-green hair now almost totally grey. There were deep wrinkles under her eyes, and they were devoid of almost any light, so unlike her son’s. She looked worn and very, very tired.

What had Katsuki done?

“Katsuki?” Inko said tentatively.

“Uh…Hi, Aunty Inko. I…-”

He was suddenly enveloped in a hug as the woman buried her face in his chest and squeezed him tight. He patted her back awkwardly, having never been good with the Midoriya family’s love for physical affection. When she pulled back, she was crying. Another Midoriya family trait.

“Katsuki, you have no idea how good it is to see you again!” She sniffled, reaching up to squeeze his shoulders.

“Ye-yeah. You too.”

Inko smiled at him and it was a smile full of tears, all wobbly and wet. It reminded him too much of Deku. “Please, come in!” She said, beckoning him inside and closing the door behind him. He stood nervously in the entryway, surveying the apartment. His eyes landed on the door to Deku’s room. The All Might sign was gone. Inko led him into a second room down the hall, sitting down on the couch and patting the seat next to her.

He sat next to her awkwardly. “Um, Inko…I’m…I just needed to tell you…”

“Oh, Katsuki,” Inko said, the same way his mother did. “It’s okay. I know. I’m just so glad you came back.”

Katsuki felt his heart shatter and then put back together, and he dove across the couch to hug Inko again, burying his face in her shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he finally whispered. “I left you.” I leave everybody. Not like Deku. Deku always stays.

Inko hugged him back with a kind of warmth he hadn’t felt in years. He hadn’t let himself feel it. “Katsuki, it’s okay. I forgive you. You were just a kid, and you still are.”

Katsuki kept hugging her, unable to meet her eyes. “I still should’ve stayed. I didn’t-he would’ve wanted me to.” He heard Inko sniffle again and felt tears drop on to his hair. They sat like that for a few minutes, just holding each other. Maybe it was something about their shared loss. Maybe it because of his childhood with the Midoriyas. Maybe it was something else altogether, but Katsuki had never felt safer or more sorrowful than in that moment.

After what felt like forever, Katsuki finally pulled out of the hug. Inko was smiling her sad, watery smile again. He wondered if she even had a happy one anymore. She slowly stood off the couch.

“Come with me, Katsuki, I have something to give you.” She started out of the living room and down the hall, leading him toward Deku’s door. She pushed it open. Katsuki choked on a gasp.

It was exactly the same as he left it. Even the bed, with its quilted sky-blue sheets, was made messily, like somebody slept in it last night and made it in a hurry. All Might posters covered the walls and colorful books lined the shelf above his desk, which still had a stack of old notebooks. The blue rolling chair wasn’t quite tucked all the way into the desk, and even the All Might figurines on the wall shelf were all in the same order. Tucked in the back corner of the bed were the three plushies Katsuki had left here. Two were All Might, one was a brown dog. Lying in the middle of the desk was a crumpled-up piece of notebook paper covered in angry red and orange scribbles, also Katsuki’s.

His knees felt wobbly all of a sudden and he stumbled into the middle of the room, towards the bed where he’d had so many of his first nightmares. The same bed he, once upon a time, had shared with Izuku.

Inko just looked around her son’s room with the same sad, pensive expression, then moved towards the closet. She reached inside and pulled out a folded piece of blue and yellow clothing. She held it out to Katsuki.

“I’d think he’d want you to have this, Katsuki. I wanted to give it to you years ago, but I just...I couldn’t.”

Katsuki took the clothes gingerly in his hands, feeling the soft fabric. He unfolded it, revealing and old All Might hoodie that was probably too big, even for him.

“Was this…was this his?” He asked softly, yet incredulously.

Inko let out a weak, short laugh. “I ordered it online for him, and they must have mistaken extra small for extra large. When he got it, he refused to let me send it back for a smaller size, so here we are.” She swallowed and tears started spilling out of her eyes again. “I always said he’d…he’d grow into it.”

Katsuki knew he should hug her again, it’s what her son would have done, so he did. Her tears were wet against his shirt.

“He…I loved him so much, Katsuki,” she whispered.

I loved him, too.

--

Katsuki wanted to go back to the house after visiting Inko, but he felt like Deku wouldn’t want to see him, and he needed to get home before his parents found out he was gone. He’d stayed at Inko’s apartment for almost two hours, just talking about their lives. It felt…he didn’t want to say good, because he’d been racked with guilt the whole time, but it felt like it could be. Katsuki had plans to visit her that weekend. Maybe he could make it a weekly thing.

He snuck back into his room without much trouble, taking precautions to avoid getting the hoodie dirty. He hadn’t put it on yet. It just didn’t feel right, especially when he knew Deku was still pissed at him. He even had to stop himself from fucking smelling it to see if it smelled like Deku, because he definitely didn’t clearly remember how Deku always smelled like mint and pine needles. He just folded it nicely, put it down on top of his dresser, and left it.

There was a sharp knock on his door and he started, quickly kicking his shoes off and shoving them to the side with his foot as the door opened and light beamed in from the hallway. His mother was glaring at him.

“Good, you’re still here.”

Fuck, he had so just barely made it.

His mother’s eyes drifted to his dresser. Where the hoodie was. Shit, he should’ve hidden it.

She frowned. “What’s that?”

“It’s a fucking hoodie, mom,” Katsuki snapped defensively. She glared at him and walked over to the dresser, grabbing the hoodie and letting it unfold. Katsuki dug his nails into his palms to avoid ripping it out her hands.

“All Might? When did you get this?” She eyed him suspiciously.

“I’ve had for-fucking-ever, I just didn’t wear it,” he lied quickly.

“Why not?”

Katsuki couldn’t think of another lie, so he just swallowed thickly and avoided his mother’s red stare. She tilted her head, then her mouth opened slightly in surprise, like she’d realized something.

“Oh,” was all she said, folding the hoodie back up and putting in down. She looked solemn all of a sudden. Why-oh. Katsuki realized right after his mother. She thought it was because of Izuku and his All Might obsession, like it was a triggering sight or something.

Well, she wasn’t totally wrong.

He couldn’t handle the awkward silence that followed, so he reverted back to his natural tactic: yelling insults. “What the fuck did you even want, hag?”

His mother’s glare was back on as she stomped up to smack the back of his head. “Watch your fucking language, Katsuki.” He growled at her, glad for something normal. “It’s dinner time, brat, get your ass downstairs.”

“And I’m supposed to watch my language?” Katsuki muttered under his breath when his mother turned her back.

“What was that, brat?” His mother said, still heading out the door.

Katsuki moved to follow her, wanting to yell at her again, but was suddenly hit by the image of Inko and Deku. What was it Deku had said? You should appreciate your mother more, Kacchan. So, he kept his mouth shut and just grumbled quietly all the way to the dinner table.

--

When he broke out of his room the next day and went to visit the house, Deku didn’t appear. He called for him and called for him until his voice was raw and shaking, and then just sat on the floor for hours, waiting, staring at the bracelet in his hands and blinking away panicked tears.

Izuku didn’t come.

Chapter Text

Katsuki was torn between anger, worry, and all-consuming panic for the entire rest of the day and onto the next. He didn’t sleep at all, knowing he would just be plagued by worse nightmares than before. Because Deku was gone. He hadn’t shown up to the house yesterday even when Katsuki was literally screaming his name. The neighbors probably thought he was insane, but Katsuki didn’t care.

But it wasn’t like he fucking needed stupid Deku around. No, that wasn’t it at all. He was worried because Deku needed him. So he had to stay and get him back. The unwelcome thought that maybe he was gone for good had crossed Katsuki’s mind a couple times, but he staunchly refused to acknowledge it even as his hands started shaking. Because Deku doesn’t leave. He doesn’t just do that. He’s not like Katsuki. He stays and he forgives. There was no reason this would be any different.

Right?

When the sun finally started creeping through his window, Katsuki realized with a start that he hadn’t gone on his morning runs the past few days. He hadn’t felt the need to, because those runs were always to Deku’s grave and now Deku was somewhere else. But he also knew that he was freaking out right now and runs always seemed to help calm him down. It was the least destructive option, at least.

He didn’t have the energy to sneak out the window again, so instead, he sucked it up and went to knock on his parent’s bedroom door.

His father answered, looking frazzled as he put on his glasses and squinted at his son.

“Katsuki?” His dad asked, tilting his head.

“I want to go on a run.”

His dad looked him up and down. Katsuki was still in the same clothes he was wearing yesterday, covered in dirt stains from the house.

“Katsuki, buddy, did you sleep last night?” He asked.

“Yes,” Katsuki lied. “I want to go on a run,” he repeated.

“Are you…asking if you can?”

Katsuki grumbled and huffed. “Well, yeah, since the hag put me on fuckin’ house arrest.”

“Don’t talk about your mother that way, Katsuki. She did what we both thought was best,” his dad said, sighing wearily.

Katsuki just huffed again. “Sure, whatever, can I go on the fucking run or not?” He was starting to get antsy, tapping his fingers together and flexing his feet.

His father seemed to notice. “Okay, Katsuki, just bring your phone and be back in an hour.” Katsuki didn’t respond, already jogging back to his room to grab his sneakers and get out.

--

He started his run without a destination in mind, which was different and very weird. It felt…wrong to go to the graveyard again. Deku wasn’t there anymore. He was at the house. The stupid fucking house that, even though it was the one thing Katsuki was trying to avoid this morning, he still stumbled upon. Like his body had been on autopilot to come here.

He slowed in front of the house, his body refusing to keep moving. He stood there on the rocky sidewalk, glaring at the house. The house that he hated so, so much, yet gave him his only access to something he needed.

Wait, fuck, no. Not needed. Not fucking needed. He was fine without Deku and Deku was obviously fine without him, so fuck that. He didn’t need anybody, they all needed him.

Katsuki turned on his heel and was about to break into a sprint when he suddenly heard the second most terrifying scream he’d ever heard in his life. It sounded like someone was dying. And it was coming from the house.

Katsuki froze.

He was fucking weak. Heroes don’t freeze, they jump into action. He had to move. He needed to fucking move! But his muscles wouldn’t listen to him. His heart was slamming on his chest and his breathing became short and shallow. Fuck, fuck, FUCK.

And then he heard the scream again. And he recognized it.

Suddenly, he was bolting into the old house and yelling out for Deku, panic overwhelming his senses. It was happening again. It was all happening all over again. Deku was screaming, and Katsuki wasn’t there to help.

He heard the scream again, less excruciating this time but still painful and frightening. It was coming from upstairs. Without thinking, Katsuki let loose small blast out of his hands and propelled himself up to the second floor, collapsing on the ground then scrambling up and following the cries. Just like back then. He felt like he was living two realities at once, one the past and one the present.

He saw his past self run towards the door at the same time as he did. He saw them burst into the room, eyes searching around feverishly. And then they hit the middle of the room, and there were two Deku’s curled up on the ground, screaming and choking out in pain. Both Katsuki’s dropped to their knees. Both franticly reached out to grab Deku. One of their hands passed right through.

The realities finally separated and Katsuki was brought fully back to the present with a strangled scream of his own. The Deku of the present was curled up into himself, gripping his arms and staring at the ground, floating only a bit above it. He’d stopped screaming and now looked like frozen, eyes wide in what Katsuki could only describe as terror. He looked far greyer and more transparent than he did last time. With a start, Katsuki realized his terrified eyes were no longer a sparkling green. They were dull. And that scared Katsuki more than he’d like to admit.

“Deku…” he finally managed. Deku didn’t react. “Deku, look at me.” Still no reaction. Deku’s dull eyes stayed locked on the floor. Katsuki wasn’t sure if he was even hearing him. Katsuki tried to make his voice as firm and steady as he could get it with the panic he was feeling. “Izuku.”

Finally, Deku moved, his head tilting slightly towards Katsuki. His expression didn’t change. And he wasn’t breathing, at least as far as Katsuki could tell. His chest wasn’t moving at all.

The panic in Katsuki’s heart went wild. “Izuku, can you breathe?”

Deku didn’t respond, but his bottom lip started quivering like he was trying to speak, or maybe was about to cry.

“Izuku, please, answer me,” Katsuki begged. “Take a breath or do something.”

Deku blinked at him, then, moving painfully slow, unlatched his hands from his arms and held one out towards Katsuki, palm forward, like he was asking for a high-five. Katsuki held his hand out the same way, hoping for a reaction, mostly for Deku to breath again. Deku reached out towards his hand further, fingers bent towards Katsuki and shaking slightly, and pushed his hand straight through.

Katsuki felt his heart shatter again, and the terrified expression on Deku’s face melted into despair.

This was all the fucking worst.

“Izuku,” Katsuki started to say.

“I…I prefer Deku, from you,” Deku finally said. Katsuki tensed and relaxed at the same time. “And dead people don’t breathe, Kacchan.”

Katsuki blinked at his friend for a second. Deku just started back at him, still curled up ‘on’ the ground. Katsuki burst out into a prolonged groan, falling forward and pressing his forehead into the ground.

“What the FUCK, Deku?” He said to the floor. “You scared the shit outta me! Fuck you!” He was mad. Mad and scared and relieved and happy and confused and all of it bundled together was freaking him the fuck out.

“No, fuck you,” Deku said, his voice level. He was no longer folded over himself. Katsuki blinked in surprise. Had Deku ever sworn before? He doesn’t think so. “I’m still mad at you,” Deku continues.

Katsuki deflates and looks up at Deku. “I…I know. I deserve it. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me, apologize to my mother,” Deku snapped.

“I did.”

Now Deku looked surprised. “Huh?”

“After you…left,” Katsuki said, “I went to your apartment and apologized. We…talked for a while.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. She…uh…she gave me something.”

Deku frowned. “What?”

Katsuki swallowed nervously. Why was he fucking nervous? “Your old All Might hoodie.” When Deku still looked confused, he realized he should elaborate. Deku probably had ten different All Might hoodies. “The one that shipped as the wrong size that you wouldn’t let her send back.”

Deku’s eyes widened. “Oh. She gave that to you?”

“She said…” Katsuki cleared his throat. “She said you would want me to…to have it, but if you don’t, that’s fine, I can give it b-”

“No, she was right.” Deku was smiling at him again, much softer than he deserved.

“O-oh, okay,” Katsuki choked out.

Deku’s stare went slightly off, and Katsuki knew he was thinking about his mom. “Is she…okay?”

Katsuki decided to answer truthfully. It’s what Deku deserved. “I don’t know. I hope so. I’m visiting her again on Sunday.”

Deku smiled a little at that, and Katsuki noticed the color seeping back into his eyes. He even looked more solid again, or at least as solid as he was a couple days ago.

“Thank you, Kacchan.”

Don’t say that. I don’t deserve it. He wanted to say. “Yeah,” was all that came out. “Um…Deku?” He despised how uncertain he seemed to feel around Deku, always pausing and doubting what he was saying. He needed to pull himself together.

“Yes, Kacchan?” Deku said, looking at him innocently.

“Why were you…you know, freaking the fuck out and screaming?” Katsuki said as gently as he could, still managing to come off blunt.

Deku pursed his lips. “I tried to leave again. A couple times, actually. Which was so stupid of me.”

But as soon as I tried to leave the house, I was suddenly back up here again and…shit, it hurt so bad. Katsuki remembered Deku saying that first night. Fuck, ‘bad’ was an understatement if it made Deku act like that.

“Why try to leave if it’s just going to hurt you?”

“After you told me about not visiting my mom, I…freaked out, I guess. I was so mad at you. And then you left, and it was like I had this sudden…need to get out of this place. I wanted to go see her again. I wanted to make sure she was okay. Like really, really badly.” Deku had a thousand-yard stare now. “I tried five times. And it…hurt like hell every time, but I just kept doing it! And then on the fifth time, I felt the pain and I blacked out but instead of waking up in here, I just…didn’t.”

“Didn’t what?”

“Didn’t wake up.” Deku’s eyes were locked onto a wall behind Katsuki. “Or, I was awake, but not really. Everything was…it was like a color darker than black, if that makes sense. And I couldn’t feel my body? Well, I can never feel my body, but it was…different. It was…shit, it was scary, and painful, and…really bad. And then all of a sudden I was back in here and I couldn’t stop screaming.”

Katsuki had no idea what to say to that. It sounded awful, worse than any of his nightmares. At least his nightmares didn’t make him feel physical pain. Well, not that much, and not usually.

“I was…I mean it was like my brain shut down or something. I barely had any idea of what was going on. But then you showed up and brought me back to reality, I guess.” Deku shrugged.

“You tried to hold my hand,” Katsuki blurted. He doesn’t know why.

Deku looked at him, and Katsuki can’t read his expression. “You tried to hold it back.”

Katsuki thinks he notices Deku become ever so slightly more colorful, ever so slightly more solid, but he waves it off. He’s just imagining things. Probably. No, definitely.

--

Today was Sunday, which meant he had to return to the UA dorms. Spring Break wasn’t officially over until Monday, but the UA teachers didn’t want to let them get too far away from the school for too long and make them come back after a week. It was usually fine, but now this meant Katsuki would be further away from Deku.

Not that he fucking cared. Or wanted to be closer. Nope. Gross.

Every morning since the one he’d found Deku screaming, Katsuki had told his parents he was going for a run and gone to visit him. Sometimes they would talk, sometimes just sit in silence. One time, Deku watched him exercise, which wasn’t weird at all. Nothing too dark or deep had come up again. They hadn’t brought up the hand holding thing, either. Katsuki was grateful, but it was always at the back of his mind. It was annoying as fuck.

So, yeah, he and Deku would just hang out until Katsuki’s mom texted at him demanding that he be home soon or else. Katsuki kept trying to push it, but she never let him out for more than an hour. He fucking hated it. Today, though, after he’d come back from his ‘run’, he’d sat her down at the table and asked her if he could go to Inko’s house. He didn’t really care about her answer, he was going either way, but he knew Inko wouldn’t like him coming to visit without his parents knowing. Thankfully, his mother had agreed, giving him a strange look mixed with a weird smile.

He’d worn the All Might hoodie to Aunty Inko’s and she started crying when she saw it. He hadn’t taken it off after that. Too comfortable, so screw fashion sense. Katsuki had never really cared about that anyways.

Though, he was having some regrets when, upon approaching the dorms, he heard an excited shriek from behind him. Soon, Racoon Eyes fell into step beside him, grinning.

“Blasty, look at you! Finally stopped hiding who you really are!”

Katsuki shoved his hands deeper into the soft pocket of the hoodie and growled at her. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” He snapped.

“It means we all know how much of a hero fanboy you are! This is finally proof!” Racoon Eyes threw her hands up into the air, laughing.

“I’m not a fucking fanboy!” Katsuki yelled.

“Then why are you wearing that?” Pinky asked smugly.

“It belongs to a fucking friend!” It wasn’t technically a lie.

Pinky’s smug smile didn’t drop. “One, I thought Bakugou Katsuki didn’t do friends! And two, you’re still wearing the hoodie!”

“I was fucking cold!”

“In April?”

Katsuki glared at her. “Fuck off!” he shouted, speeding his walk towards the dorms with her giggling following him. He just remembered how he hated his classmates with a passion, can’t believe he forgot that.

When he walked into the dorms, it somehow got worse. Every classmate in the common area was slowly turned away from whatever they were doing to gawk at him. What’s worse, Kirishima and Kaminari were nowhere to be seen.

Not that I fucking need them! Katsuki thought, even as he brought his shoulders up to his ears and dipped his chin and mouth into the hoodie, growling at all the shitty extras to get them to leave him the fuck alone. He really should just take the hoodie off, but it feels like a safety blanket. From what, exactly, Katsuki doesn’t know. Fuck, he really is such a weak baby. Everyone obviously fucking knew it.

He tried his best to ignore the looks instead of lashing out, stomping towards the stairs. When he finally reaches the safety and privacy of his room, he flops down on the bed face-first, groaning into his pillows. He’d been back with the extras for less than five fucking minutes and it was already the worst. Well, fuck that, they’d see what happened when you try to make fun of him. Or whatever they were doing with all the staring. It felt a whole lot like mocking.

He groaned into his pillow again. Since when did he get so fucking unsure all the time? Stupid Deku was rubbing off on him with all his nervous rambling and cute awkward moments. Katsuki sighed, rolling over on the bed and wait what the fuck did he just think? He did not just think of Deku as cute. The thought made him retch in his mouth a little. No. No way.

Besides, he’s fucking dead.

The thought hits Katsuki like a brick wall, sending his mind careening into oblivion. Deku was dead. Just because he could see him and talk to him now doesn’t change that. Does it? He hadn’t really…thought about that. Obviously, he’d been dealing with the fact that Deku was dead for the past 6 years, but that was a different kind of dead. That was…final. Black and white. No confusing grey blur. Deku was dead, and Katsuki would never see him again, and that wasn’t going to change. Until it did, and now Katsuki’s entire world axis was spun wildly out of whack, like when kids spun around the plastic globes so much that they snapped in half.

Whatever he had going on with Deku right now, whatever he wanted to call it, it couldn’t last, right? Deku was a ghost. He couldn’t touch things, or people. He couldn’t leave that shitty house. He couldn’t talk to anyone but Katsuki. Just thinking about it all made Katsuki’s chest burn with sadness and rage, but at what, he couldn’t place.

He wasn’t mad at Deku, he knew that much. He’d made that mistake before, thinking all the angry things he felt about Deku were the other boy’s fault, not Katsuki’s. That had led to their friendship falling apart and Katsuki starting to bully Deku, which had led to him forcing Deku into the grey house to scare him, which had led to Deku’s death and the worst events in Katsuki’s life. No matter what Deku said about whose fault it was or wasn’t, Katsuki wasn’t sure he’d ever quite believe him.

So, no, he wasn’t mad at Deku. But he was mad at something, and not knowing was pissing him off even more. And then he realized he was also feeling sad for some reason, which just fueled his anger even further, and soon he was seething in his bed, literally smoking with rage. The last rational part of his brain still sticking around yelled at him to get off the bed or calm down before he burns the sheets, so of course he flips his hands over and sets the blanket alight on purpose. He snuffs out the flames quickly with his hands, but the damage has certainly been done. There are two smoking holes singed into his comforter. And now his hands hurt from the fire.

FUCK.

The rage only builds and builds and builds inside him because he’s just so fucking pissed and he doesn’t know why and he should calm down but he doesn’t fucking want to calm down and why is he so fucking angry and why the fuck is he feeling all these things and his brain won’t shut up and WHY THE FUCK SHOULD IZUKU HAVE TO BE PUNISHED FOR MISTAKES I MADE WHEN I STILL GET TO BE ALIVE I DON’T DESERVE TO BE ALIVE INSTEAD OF HIM.

Suddenly, Katsuki is wrenched back to reality by a loud crunch and a sharp pain in right hand. He stares at his fist, forearm buried halfway into drywall, and he realizes he punched a hole in the wall. Somehow, he stood up from his bed without noticing, and proceeded to punch a fucking hole in the wall. He’s breathing heavy, ragged breaths, and his legs are shaking pathetically, and he can’t tell if he’s about to laugh or cry.

Aizawa Sensei is going to murder him.

He punched a fucking hole in the fucking wall!

It’s not the first time he’s done it, but last time it was his room in his own home. This was school property, at his school. He was fucked. But it was fine, because he’d just remembered the thoughts he was having, and he had different shit to worry about.

Fuck.

When he hears a knock on the door, he can’t tell if it’s been minutes or hours. He still has his arm in the wall for some reason, so he doesn’t turn around to look at the clock above his bed. He just stares blankly at the floor, frozen in place.

There’s another knock.

“Bakugou, you in there?” He hears Kirishima call. “I heard a loud noise and wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Oh, right. Kirishima was in the room next door, so he would have heard something if he were in there.

“Bakugou?” Kirishima asks again. Katsuki’s tongue feels heavy and his mouth won’t open, so he doesn’t respond. “Okay, dude, you’re scaring me, and I’m worried you’re hurt in there, so, sorry about privacy but I’m coming in,” Kirishima warns. The door swings open.

Katsuki doesn’t even look up. His vision has lost all focus. His head feels light but heavy all at the same time. His palms still hurt from the fire, and his right hand is aching from the wall. It’s still in the wall. The jagged edges of the hole dig into his skin. He’s not sure how his legs are supporting him anymore, they feel like tissue paper. Wait, is Kirishima saying something? Yes? Yes, he was. What did he say? Katsuki had heard it but now he couldn’t remember. It was all muffled. Did he respond? His mouth was full of sludge. His brain is too foggy. He still couldn’t move. His eyelids felt so heavy, and suddenly he’s dizzied. Things are going dark, fast.

I don’t deserve to be alive.

--

deku

hand

take his hand

cold

wet

bloody

hand

its not dekus hand

not dekus dying

calmscareddekucryinwetbloodtearspleadingcryingpleasestopcryingjustgoimfineimokayimdyingimokay

blackredwhitehotpainpainpainpainpaintoomuchoverwhelmedpainpainhurtcryingscreamingimscreamingimhurtingitsokayhesokaybutithurtsithurtsithurts

nothing

--

For the first time he can remember, Katsuki doesn’t wake up crying or screaming or suffocating. He just…wakes up. Eyes opening slowly, adjusting to a lowlight above him and the sun peeking through the blinds beside him. Awareness coming slowly, not too much all at once. His head is tucked comfortably in a pillow, and he feels…peaceful?

No, something isn’t right. Something is very wrong, he can feel it, but he pushed the feeling aside and lets a tiny smile spread across his face. He notices Kirishima slumped in a chair by the bed, head resting on Kaminari’s head, whose head is resting on Kirishima’s shoulder. He stares at them for a second, enjoying their calm but wanting them to wake up. He wants to tell someone about his peace. He knows it has something to do with the dream he had. Was that what it was? Is that what dreams were? He didn’t remember it, but he woke up…happy. Right? He needs to ask them.

Slowly, he sits up, reaches out, and pokes Kirishima’s arm. He instantly jolts awake. He must have been sleeping lightly. Katsuki is still smiling calmly, ignoring the strange feeling in his gut. Kirishima is staring at him with wide eyes before nudging Kaminari awake and off his shoulder.

“Hey, Bakugou,” Kirishima says gently, “How do you feel?”

“I had the nicest dream,” Katsuki says breathily, staring at Kirishima, then Kaminari, and then the air around them, unable to keep focused on one thing for long.

“Oh?” Kirishima said, sounding…cautious, maybe? “What was it about?”

“I died.”

All three boys freeze. Katsuki hadn’t known what he was going to say until the words came out. He hadn’t even remembered the dream until then. He’d said those two words so easily and almost in a happy trance. But now, he was back to the nightmare experience, with reality and memories crashing down on him, this time like a tsunami that had pulled back to prepare before fucking him over. His eyes grow wide and he slaps a hand over his mouth to try and stop himself from puking all over the bed. He searches around wildly for a trashcan that Kaminari finally provides and he sticks his head down over it, gasping and retching and coughing until he can finally breath again. He takes his head out of the trashcan in a daze. His friends look so worried and scared for him he almost pukes again. He wants to say something, but he’s suddenly so tired, and he lays his head back into the soft pillows.

After that, he’s drifting in and out of consciousness and nightmares. He catches a few snippets of conversation, but nothing he retains. He’s too exhausted to remember. At one point there might have been some yelling, but that was just his mother. He thought he heard Kirishima and Kaminari yelling too, but that had to be imagined because those two didn’t yell like that.

When he woke up all the way, this time not in the weird trance, he immediately felt sick and dry-heaved over the side of the bed. At least that meant he was back to normal.

“Woah, dude, are you okay?” He heard Kirishima ask from behind him. He turned around to meet his and Kaminari’s worried faces. Why were they still here?

Katsuki swallowed thickly. He wanted to tell them he was perfectly fine, but the words didn’t come out. “Water,” he croaked instead.

Kaminari jumped up immediately. “Got it, I’ll be right back.” He and Kirishima gave each other a look before he left…the hospital room? Where exactly were they?

He must have been squinting around, because Kirishima answered his unspoken questions. “We’re in Recovery Girl’s office.” Katsuki looked at him and nodded, then back to his blankets. He couldn’t remember what happened, which he hated, because whenever he forgot something in a situation like this meant it would all come back at once to slam in the gut and make him feel like shit. He could recall the dream nightmare situation that had happened just before, but none of the events that led up to it. Last thing he remembered was jumping into his bed in his dorm room, pissed at his classmates.

He brought his hands from his sides to his lap, staring at them thoughtfully, flipping them over then back again to examine both sides. They were both wrapped in white bandages. His left hand had only the palm covered, but his entire right hand was bandaged, even his fingers. They didn’t hurt, though. He flet like they should hurt. Why? What did he do?

“Recovery Girl healed your bigger injuries, but the smaller stuff is your uh…punishment or something,” Kirishima said. Ah, so his hands did get hurt somehow. He glanced up at Kirishima, then back down at his hands, letting them fall to his lap palm-up. His brain lost focus of the environment and he started zoning out into nothing thoughts. He liked the nothing thoughts. His brain was always far too loud.

“Bakugou?” Katsuki started out of his void when he heard his name and looked up to see Kaminari holding out an open bottle of water.

He took the bottle and downed it in one go, mumbling a ragged “thank you” as he did. When he finished, he instinctively crushed the bottle with his fist. He stared at the crumpled plastic in his hand, mildly surprised that he’d done that. It was pointless thing to do. “Oops,” he mumbled.

Suddenly, and hand was put near his, palm up. Katsuki stared at it.

“Here, let me take that, man,” Kirishima said, and Katsuki realized the hand was his. He took a second to figure our what he meant, but eventually handed over the crushed water bottle. He didn’t see what Kirishima did with it. Katsuki hated this feeling. He wanted to know what the hell was going on, and he knew how to fine out, however painfully.

“Trash can?” he croaked out again. Kaminari handed it to him, looking nervous. Katsuki took a deep breath through his nose and let it out through his mouth like he’d seen Aizawa Sensei do before when he got pissed at his students or colleagues or was just stressed out in general. He positioned the trashcan in between his legs and held it tightly, ready to lean over it. “Okay,” he said, voice still ragged. “Now tell me what happened.”

“You don’t remember?” Kaminari asked.

Katsuki shook his head, patience thinning. Kirishima and Kaminari gave each other another look and he nearly screamed at them. They knew what the fuck was happening, and he didn’t, and he hated it.

“Okay,” Kirishima said, “I don’t really…know what was happening at your end, but when I found you yesterday” – yesterday? He’d been in here a whole day? Shit. – “you had…uh…punched a hole in the wall. And you-”

Katsuki’s eyes widened at the words and he felt his stomach churn and brain scream out. Here it fucking comes.

angryangryangryangryyellingscreamingcantbreathtoomadfuckfuckangryangryangrydoideservetobealivepunchcrackhandbloodknuckleshurtfrozencanttalkblackdarkdeadnothing

He’s heaving into the trashcan for the third time, head spinning as everything finally comes back to him. Kirishima and Kaminari looked like they’re going to be sick soon, too. They should just go. Why were they even here? he found himself thinking again. Before he can ask, his body collapses back onto the pillows without him meaning to. He feels like he’d been hit with a quirk that sapped every ounce of energy out of his system, even when he spots his friend’s stupid worried faces. He was glad they weren’t asking questions, but after a minute of silent, concerned looks he couldn’t fucking deal anymore.

“What?” He snapped, sounding terrible. “Stop fucking staring at me.”

“Did you just get us to tell you what happened even though you knew it would make you do that?” Kaminari finally asked.

Katsuki glared at him. “Yeah, and?”

“That’s not very healthy, Bakugou,” Kirishima said in his stupid gentle voice.

Katsuki growled at him. “It would’ve fucking happened anyway, why delay?”

Kaminari frowned at him. “It would have?”

“That’s how it works, idiot,” Katsuki said, no bite in his words. He was too fucking tired.

“It…is?” Kaminari said slowly.

Katsuki groaned and slammed his head back into the pillow. “Yes.” He really didn’t want to be explaining shit again.

“Does that happen to you a lot?” Kirishima asked.

Katsuki growled and shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. Oh, he was still wearing the All Might hoodie. The realization made him relax a bit, which made him feel pathetic, but for some reason the hoodie made him not care that much. He still didn’t respond to Kirishima, though. The suffocating silence returned. Again, Katsuki couldn’t stand it.

“Why the fuck are you guys even here?” He said, a lot quieter than he meant to.

“What?” Kaminari asked. Katsuki refused to repeat himself.

Kirishima put a hand on the bed by Katsuki’s leg. “Bakugou, we’re here because we care about you.”

“THE LAST PERSON WHO CARED ABOUT ME IS DEAD AND IT WAS MY FAULT, DO YOU FUCKING WANT THAT TOO?”

Katsuki had sat up in the bed and molded his hands into angry fists, and the words had just come out again without him meaning to say them. His friends looked shocked and possibly hurt. Good. Get them away from him. All they were doing by sticking around was getting hurt, because that’s what Katsuki did best: hurt people. He’d be better off alone.

“Bakugou, no.” Kirishima said it with such conviction and force that Katsuki started out of his head. “It wasn’t your fault, and you’re not better off alone.” Shit, had he said that out loud?

“Of course you’d fucking say that,” Katsuki snapped. “You don’t know shit about me.”

“But we do know you, Bakugou,” Kaminari said, sounding almost like he was pleading.

“You don’t,” Katsuki repeated.

“Yes, we do-”

“THEN WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?” There were angry tears in his eyes now, and he aggressively wiped them off his face with the hoodie sleeves. “IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME, YOU WOULD STAY THE FUCK AWAY.”

“You’re a good person, Bakugou,” Kaminari said. Katsuki knew he was lying because Katsuki was the worst person on earth. “I mean, you’ve saved my life more than once! And Kirishima’s, and Mina’s, and so many other people’s I’ve lost count.”

“You didn’t kill him.” Kirishima’s voice was cracking with tears. “Someone or something else did that. You were just a kid, what were you supposed to do?”

“I was supposed to be better!” Katsuki cried. “I was supposed to be his friend, I’d promised I’d be his friend and I wasn’t. And then I went and got him killed and I couldn’t do anything about it BECAUSE I CAN’T DO ANYTHING.” Every emotion was roiling in his chest and banging on the inside of his skull. It was too loud in his head, and too hot in this room, and everyone was too close and he couldn’t think straight and he- “IT SHOULD’VE BEEN ME INSTEAD OF HIM.”

His friends look like they were slapped in the face. “Wh-what?” Kirishima said, quiet and shocked.

The tears were out in full now. “I DON’T FUCKING DESERVE ANY OF THIS!” He dropped his fists onto his lap, lowering his voice to sad, ragged, tone. “I don’t deserve to be here. He does. It’s my fault that he’s not.”

Chapter Text

Kirishima and Kaminari were watching him, he could feel it, even with his eyes locked on his shaking hands on his lap. He sniffled as more tears streamed down his face. He was too weak to even try and wipe them away.

“Bakugou,” Kirishima said softly, making him flinch. “Why would you say that?”

“Because it’s fucking true,” Katsuki mumbled.

“No, it’s not, Bakugou,” Kaminari told him desperately, “You deserve to be here.”

“I don’t,” Katsuki spat. “I was cruel, and I was evil, and I was a horrible person, and he’s the one who had to deal with it. He’s the one that got killed because of me. He’s stuck in that house, alone, because of me.” The tears are falling down his face silently now, but still constant.

“You’re not any of those things, Bakugou!” Kirishima protests.

Katsuki slowly turned the head to look up at his friends, sniffling more tears away but trying to keep his stoic face. “Deku was quirkless, you know.” His friends look confused, not understanding where he was going with this. “He was, so I called him useless. I called him Deku. I turned on him after promising we’d be together forever, and I tore that promise to shreds. I shoved him down. I told him to stop chasing me around. I yelled at him and screamed at him and set off my quirk in his face. And yet he never fucking went away.” Katsuki stared at his hand, imagining young Deku reaching out to him in the river. “He tried to help me, every damn time. He told me I was amazing. He was kind, and I was cruel, and he was still kind. And it made me so damn mad that I hurt him even more.” He was shaking now. “He’s the one who deserved to keep going. If it had just been me, not him, then everything would be okay. He’d actually be happy, and I wouldn’t be around to keep fucking everything up.”

The silence that followed was deafening. Katsuki was drowning in it. This was something that he’d been believing for years, but he’d never put it into words before. But now, he didn’t know what to do about it. He would literally give his life to Deku if he could, but he wasn’t sure if that was even possible.

“Is that really what he would want?” Katsuki snapped up to look at Kirishima.

“What?”

“Do you really think he’d be happy without you?”

Katsuki wiped tears from his eyes. It was a useless thing to do. “I-he would…he would get over it.”

“Just like you did?” Kaminari said, more sarcasm dripping in his voice than Katsuki had ever heard before. He couldn’t even find it in himself to be angry, just shocked. His mouth opened and closed like a gasping fish, and he sniffled loudly.

Kirishima looked equally surprised. “Kaminari, I don’t think…”

Kaminari huffed, standing from his chair. He held out a hand to Katsuki. “Come on.”

Katsuki stared at him. “What?”

“Come on,” Kaminari repeated. “We’re going to see Izuku.”

Katsuki frowned, wiping away more tears, “Why the fuck would I-”

“Now.” Kaminari levelled him a harsh look that emulated both Katsuki’s and his mother’s. He didn’t know Kaminari was capable of a look like that.

“No!” Katsuki said. Suddenly, Kaminari grabbed his arm and started yanking him out of the bed. He tried resisting but was weakened from all the puking and nightmares. “Get the fuck off me!” He screeched, tears and snot running down his face.

“Bakugou, if you don’t stop moving and screaming, I am going to electrocute you.” Kaminari’s voice was so harsh Katsuki didn’t want to risk seeing if he was bluffing, so he stopped. “Thank you. Now, we are going to see Izuku, and you’re going to tell him how you wish you were dead, and we’ll just see how that works out.”

“Kaminari, what in the world are you doing?” Kirishima said, looking horrified at his friends.

“I’m doing what he fucking needs somebody to do,” Kaminari snapped, pulling Katsuki out of the bed and to his feet, steadying him as Katsuki leaned to the side, still feeling woozy. “Are you going to help or am I zapping you?” Kirishima stood still for a second, eyes darting between his two friends. Slowly, he moved to Katsuki’s other side and swung the other boy’s arm over his own shoulders, letting Katsuki use him for support. Kaminari let out a sigh of what seemed like relief, and the three boys headed for the door.

They walked through the halls of the school and out of the building without seeing any teachers or students, which was weird until Katsuki remembered it was already Monday. Everyone would be in class.

As he took in his few first breaths of fresh air, he started to feel a bit better, not leaning on his friends so much. Neither of them lets go of him, though, like they were afraid he’d run away. He kind of wanted to. He wanted to see Deku, but also really, really didn’t. He didn’t know if he could handle that. His feet started to drag as the approached the house, but Kaminari and Kirishima pushed him forward, practically dragging him up the stairs and through the doorway.

“Izuku!” Kaminari called. “Uh…I brought Bakugou! He needs to talk to you.”

Deku appeared in the empty stairway spot, looking happy but confused. “Kacchan! I’m glad you’re here, I was worried when you didn’t come this-are you okay?”

Katsuki was slowly shuffling backwards out the doorway, but his friends caught him and pulled him back in.

Kaminari glared at him, then looked back at the house. “Izuku? Are you here?”

“Why are they calling for me?” Deku asked, looking puzzled and floating down towards them.

Katsuki didn’t answer, and instead said, “Welp! Looks like he’s not home, so we can fucking go now!”

“Kacchan, what is going on?” Deku was right in Katsuki’s face now and he was desperately trying to pretend he wasn’t.

“I’m going to take a guess and say that he’s here already,” Kirishima said, staring down at Katsuki.

Deku looked him up and down, eyes widening in recognition and smiling. “Oh! You’re wearing the-”

“Bakugou thinks he’s better off dead,” Kaminari suddenly says, blunt as Katsuki himself. Deku froze. “Please tell him that’s not true.”

Deku’s wide green eyes met Katsuki’s. “You think what?” He squeaked, sounding very choked and very broken up.

Katsuki swallowed thickly. “I…didn’t say that.” Kaminari looked like he was going to protest, but Kirishima stopped him with a hand on the shoulder, shaking his head and looking pointedly at Katsuki, who was staring at Deku.

“Then…then what did you say?” Deku asked.

Katsuki felt the panic and tears rise again. Shit, he was so fucking pathetic. He should just say it. Deku would probably agree. How could he not? Katsuki had bullied him almost their whole lives. Katsuki got him killed. Deku told him it wasn’t his fault, but they both know it was.

“It would be better for everyone if I died instead of you,” Katsuki finally said, more like it was all one word than a full sentence. Deku looked like he’d been punched in the stomach.

“You…Kacchan, you…what? You really believe that?” Deku sounded like he was going to cry. Katsuki was already crying. It was a situation that had never happened before. Deku was always the crybaby. Maybe ghosts really can’t cry?

Katsuki threw his hand up. “You know it’s fucking true!” He dropped his hands back down and looked at Deku, then down at himself, then back up at Deku. “You-I don’t deserve…this. You do. I hurt you. You didn’t hurt people.”

Deku’s hands are twitching at his sides, like he wants to reach up and touch Katsuki but knows he can’t. “Kacchan, that is the dumbest fucking thing I have heard in my entire life and death combined. You’re Kacchan. Why would I ever be happier without you?” Deku’s voice is so raw and emotional and Katsuki wants so desperately to believe him. Deku isn’t done, though. “Kacchan, you’ve made mistakes, I know that. Everyone makes mistakes. What’s important is that you realize that you were wrong. You know you were wrong, right?” Katsuki nods. Of course, he knows. That’s why he knew that he should be the dead one. Deku floated even closer to him, holding one hand out, but not far enough to touch Katsuki. “Kacchan, I spent 6 years without you. It was hell. If you were dead instead of me, I would have very little to live for.”

Katsuki swallowed back more tears. Every muscle in his body was aching to hug Deku, squeeze him tight, and never, ever let go. “Same fucking here,” he finally said. Deku smiled again, but it was a smile full of sorrow. They stood there for a minute, just staring at each other and wishing things were different.

Kaminari finally broke the silence. “So…did you talk?”

Both Deku and Katsuki turned to look at him. “Yeah,” Katsuki answered.

“And?” Kaminari prompted, fidgeting with his hands nervously.

Katsuki sighed. “We had our fucking conversation or whatever.”

Deku smiled, more real this time. “A heart-to-heart!”

“Don’t call it that.”

“A bonding moment!”

“No.”

“It was a bonding moment, Kacchan, admit it.”

“Never.”

“Come on! It was!”

“You called me stupid!”

“Well, you were being stupid,” Deku, Kirishima, and Kaminari all say at the same time.

“Great, now the traffic light trio is ganging up on me,” Katsuki grumbled, wiping away the last of his tears and shoving his hands in the hoodie pocket, settling into the warmth he felt when Deku started laughing.

And again, Katsuki has got to be imagining the more vibrant shade of green he sees in Deku’s hair or in his ugly red sneakers.

--

After his talk with Deku, Katsuki’s friends had all forced him to return to school to get some rest. Katsuki protested and nearly came to blows with them when they told him he couldn’t go to the rest of school today, but he finally relented when Deku stepped in. He just really hated the idea of being behind his classmates, even though he knew he was plenty far ahead in his schoolwork to take one day off.

Though the other part of him didn’t want to do it because it was boring as fuck.

“You’re a workaholic, Bakugou,” said Kirishima, who was sitting at Katsuki’s desk chair as Katsuki lay back on his bed, Kaminari lounging around on the floor.

“I am not!” Katsuki protested, throwing a pillow at his friend’s face. Kirishima just batted the flying pillow away and laughed. “I’d just rather be busy than do nothing.”

“Then go to sleep, dude,” Kaminari suggested.

Katsuki’s face fell expressionless. “No.” He was worried about what would happen if he fell asleep again. He might have another nightmare, which always fucking sucked, but he also might have another…death dream. He never wanted to feel like that again, all out of his head and floaty and shit.

“Izuku wanted you to rest, right?”

Katsuki sat up and glared at Kirishima. “Deku doesn’t tell me what to fucking do.”

Kirishima smiled and raised his eyebrows. “Well, he told you to rest, and here you are, resting…AH!” Kirishima yelped as another pillow was flung at his face, this one with the force of a small explosion behind it. He and Kaminari were laughing, which Katsuki growling at them from his bed.

“Shouldn’t you two fuckfaces be in class right now?” He snapped.

Kaminari and Kirishima gave each other a look. “We asked for the day off.”

Katsuki frowned. “Why? You idiots are going to fall behind more than you are already!”

Kaminari shrugged. “You’re just gonna have to tutor us a little more so we can catch up, then!”

“And why would I do that?”

Kaminari smiled and shrugged again, this time with his hands out to his sides. “Out of the kindness of your heart?”

“Don’t fucking have one,” Katsuki said dryly. His friends cackled.

“You have one when it comes to Izuku!” Katsuki reached for another pillow to throw as his face turned warm, but came up empty, so he elected to just tackle Kirishima to the ground instead.

“You fucking take that back,” he growled as he wrestled Kirishima on the floor, Kaminari scrambling to get out of their way.

“Nope!” Kirishima said, grinning. “You’re a big ol’ softy, Bakubro.”

Katsuki’s indignant yelling could probably be heard all the way back in the classrooms.

--

When the school day ended and all his classmates returned to the dorms, Kirishima and Katsuki practically dragged him downstairs to interact. He was immediately assaulted upon entering the common room, mainly by Ashido and Sero.

“Blasty! You’re back! What happened to you?” Racoon Eyes asked, poking up at his face.

Katsuki hid his bandaged hands in the pocket of the hoodie and leaned away from Ashido (it had been very awkward to go back to Recovery Girl and ask for more bandages after he’d burned one off with his explosions). “Nothing happened, fuck off.”

“Well, at least that’s normal!” Soy Sauce said, grinning. Katsuki wanted to shove him in the face but didn’t want them to see the bandages, so he kicked him in the shins instead. “Ow! Yup, all normal Bakugou here,” Sero said, hopping around on one leg while holding his kicked shin.

“Bakugou!” called Iida from behind. “I am very glad to see you back and in good health, but you should not physically assault your classmates!”

“Shut it, Four Eyes,” Katsuki growled.

Four Eye’s started doing his weird robot-arm chopping motion. “For the hundredth time, my name is Iida Tenya!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Katsuki huffed, moving for the kitchen. Maybe cooking something would get these extras away from him. Everyone knows you don’t mess around with the Bakugou Katsuki that’s holding a cast-iron pan and possibly a knife. Of course, he doesn’t even get to the kitchen without some fuckers blocking his path. This time, it’s Round Cheeks Uraraka, dragging along that IcyHot bastard, Todoroki fucking Shoto. Somehow, Half-n-Half had been pulled into Uraraka’s little friend group slowly over the past two years, despite his claims about ‘not being here to make friends’. Katsuki realized with a start the Deku would probably be one of their friends, too, if he ever went to UA. He;d take the 'no friends' thing as a personal challenge.

“Bakugou!” Round Cheeks said, far too cheery. “Hi! I’m glad your back, how was your break?”

Why did everyone fucking care so much about the shit he did now? He missed one day of school, and, sure, he’d never missed so much as a class until that time the other week, but still! One fuckin’ day. Ashido’s missed like, 25 this year alone, no one bothered her about it like this.

“It was whatever, what’s it to you?” He snapped, trying to push past her. She kept close on his heels. “Stop following me! The fuck do you want?”

“I like your hoodie,” Someone who was not Round Cheeks said. Katsuki stopped suddenly and turned to see Todoroki fucking Shoto staring at him. Without thinking, Katsuki took his hands out of the hoodie pocket and flipped him off with both middle fingers. IcyHot’s eyes widened ever so slightly, and Uraraka gasped quietly.

“Bakugou, your hands!” Round Cheeks said, staring down at the bandages with a concerned frown. His hoodie sleeves had even slipped down to reveal a few pink and purple bandaids on his right wrist and forearm that Katsuki suspects Recovery Girl used just to mess with him. She’d refused to heal anything except his broken knuckles because his injuries came from him, you know, punching a fucking hole in school property. From her end, he did it for no reason. So yeah, he’s got white bandages all over his hands and little girl bandaids on his arms. Also, there was smiley face on the back on his left hand’s bandages that Kaminari had somehow added without him noticing until too late.

“Yeah, what about my fucking hands?” He snapped, putting his hands down.

“Why are they all bandaged?” Uraraka asked, staring up at him with her huge, shiny brown eyes.

“None of your shitty business, Hamster Face,” Katsuki huffed, turning back to stomp into the kitchen. Kirishima and Kaminari appeared at his side, seemingly out of nowhere.

“Dude, you’re not gonna tell them?” Kirishima whispered.

“That I punched a hole in the wall? No fucking thanks,” Katsuki hissed back.

“Okay, but are you really not going to tell anyone else…anything?” Kaminari whispered on his other side. Why were they flanking him like bodyguards or some shit?

“No, of course I’m not going to do that!” Katsuki whisper-yelled. “It was hard enough to do it with you fuckers, let alone a bunch of shitty extras!”

His friends’ eyes widened and they both smiled. Uh oh. “Did you…” Kaminari said quietly, grinning wider. “Did you just imply that we aren’t extras?”

Katsuki stopped whispering and brought out his hand, flexing his fingers and wishing he could set off some explosions. “No I fucking didn’t!” He growled. His friends were still grinning like idiots. “I hate you both, shut up!” He finally made it to the kitchen and slammed a cupboard open, not sure what he was looking for. He grabbed the first thing he saw – a cup – and turned to find that Kirishima and Kaminari were no longer smiling, which was more worrying than when they were.

Kirishima cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Actually, Bakugou, we have something to…admit? Or warn you about, at least.”

“What the hell are you-” Katsuki was cut off by the sound of the main entrance opening and some of his classmates chirping hellos to…oh, fuck.

Kirishima and Kaminari startled and turned around. “Aizawa Sensei, hello sir!” Kaminari said. Aizawa Sensei was stalking towards Katsuki with his dark, angry look, his harsh eyes the only thing that could be seen between his black hair and white scarf. It made Katsuki unconsciously shift into a defensive fighting stance. Not that he thought Aizawa Sensei would attack him, he could just never be too sure when he got that face.

“Bakugou,” Aizawa Sensei said flatly when he reached the kitchen.

“Old man,” Katsuki responded with defensive sass.

“How about you step outside with me for a moment,” Aizawa Sensei said. “I need to have a talk with you.”

Shit.

He felt his classmates’ eyes on him as he followed his Sensei out of the dorms and onto the front porch, hearing their murmuring and whispering. He flipped them all off as he left, making sure to use the hand without the dumb smiley face. Unfortunately, that meant he used the pink bandaid arm. Whatever.

“That is inappropriate behavior for a school environment, Bakugou,” Aizawa Sensei said, not turning around. Katsuki didn’t know how he even saw it.

“I don’t care, they should mind their own business,” he snapped. Aizawa Sensei came to a stop half-way down the porch, and Katsuki stopped a few feet in front of him. Aizawa looked relaxed, with his hands halfway in his pockets, leaning back slightly, and Katsuki had ben his student long enough to know he was fuming mad, yet holding back for some reason.

“Bakugou, do you know why I wanted to talk to you today?” Aizawa asked calmly.

“To tell me how much you love having me as your top student,” Katsuki deadpanned. Aizawa didn’t react. Katsuki’s shoulders sagged a bit, his hands heavy in the hood pocket as he fiddled with his fingers. “Because I punched a fuckin’ hole in the wall.” Aizawa still didn’t do anything. “What, am I being expelled or something?”

Another long pause.

“No, you’re not being expelled,” Sensei said finally. Katsuki breathed out a tiny sigh of relief. Of course, they wouldn’t kick him out of the school, he was the best up-and-comer in his grade, and arguably the whole school.

“Okay, then what’s my punishment so I can move on with this shit?” Katsuki said impatiently.

Aizawa Sensei let out a weary sigh. “No punishment, Bakugou.”

“What?” Katsuki asked in disbelief. “Why the fuck not?”

“Because I think your punishing yourself worse than I ever could,” Aizawa said, his expression inscrutable and still hidden behind a curtain of dark hair.

“Hah? What the hell are you talking about, old man?” Katsuki huffed defensively. “Why would I punish myself?”

“You tell me, kid.”

“I said I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!” Katsuki said truthfully.

Aizawa sighed again. “Kirishima told me what you said before you passed out.”

Katsuki frowned, furrowing his brow, and thinking back to that day. All he could remember was feeling frozen and almost like his brain wasn’t in his voice. He didn’t remember saying anything, his mouth was stuck shut. “What do you mea-” Suddenly, he heard the thought again. The thought he’d had right before he blacked out.

I don’t deserve to be alive. Did he say it without noticing? It was very likely that he had. Shit, everything was suddenly making more sense: why Kirishima and Kaminari were always there whenever he woke up in Recovery Girl’s office, why they were yelling at someone, why they took today off. They were scared…for him. Of him wanting to…to hurt himself, or something. All the anger and annoyance was drained from his body immediately, replaced by…something else. Kind of like when he spent time with Deku, but different. He didn’t know what to call it. He also didn’t know if he liked it or not.

“Oh.” He choked out. His legs started wobbling, which he now recognized as one of the first things that came before he passed out, so he quickly plopped down on the concrete porch. At least that way, Aizawa Sensei wouldn’t have to try and catch him if he did faint. Because he was so fucking weak his own consciousness kept trying to fuck off to god knows where.

“Bakugou?” He saw Aizawa Sensei’s shadow approach him on the floor, so he put up his left bandaged hand, turned back towards Sensei to show him the smiley face.

“I’m okay,” he added, in case the smiley wasn’t clear enough.

Aizawa knelt down to look him in the eye. He hated it. “Are you?”

“Yeah, my legs just got shaky which could mean I’ll black out soon, so I was hoping sitting down would prevent that,” he explained. “Or at least prevent me from cracking my head open and making a mess for you to deal with.”

Aizawa didn’t looked pleased with that answer. “Okay, that worries me, but it also wasn’t really what I was asking.”

“Then what were you asking?” Katsuki said, despite thinking he might already know.

“You keep saying your okay, Bakugou, but you obviously aren’t.”

Katsuki squinted at his teacher. “How much did Kiri and Kaminari tell you?” He didn’t want to divulge more info than he had to.

“I already knew about the events of your past from your parents. All the teachers do.” Katsuki nodded, he already knew that. “Kirishima and Kaminari only told me about what you said about not…deserving to be alive. They seemed to know more but were very stubborn and wouldn’t tell me anything else. They also demanded that they be let out of school today to keep an eye on you.”

Katsuki should be angry at his friends. He should go back inside and scream at them about not needing their help or babying, but for some reason he just doesn’t want to. He even feels a small smile creep across his face. “Oh, good.”

“Bakugou, can you tell me why you said that?”

“Said what?”

“That you don’t deserve to be alive.”

Katsuki bit down on his bottom lip and picked at his bandages, then tucked his nose into the hoodie to breath in its old closet scent, all in an attempt to keep calm. “I don’t really want to tell you. I already talked about it today and I hated every fucking second of it, but you don’t need to worry about it.” He looked up and met Aizawa Sensei’s dry, doubtful eyes. “I swear. I…figured it out this morning.”

“Alone? Because Bakugou, you can’t handle something like this-”

“Not alone. I had…some friends. Mostly, one really important friend.” Again, Katsuki’s mind wandered back to bright green eyes and warm smiles. He smirked at his teacher, a little confidence returning as he hoisted himself to his feet, holding a hand out to help Aizawa Sensei up after him. “Trust me, Sensei, I’m not fuckin’ dying until I’ve wrung everything I can out of this shithole world, and that ain’t gonna be for a long ass time.” And until I’ve righted a whole lot of wrongs.

Aizawa Sensei, now on his feet, let go of Katsuki’s hand and stared at his student. An expression crossed his face that might have been the Aizawa version of a smile. “That’s good to hear, Bakugou. Though it does make me think maybe a punishment is an order for the whole wall incident.”

Katsuki sighed. “Hit me.”

“You have to fix the hole.”

Katsuki stood up straighter, relieved. “Really? Hell yeah, that’s easy! Thanks, old fart.” Katsuki smirked again before heading back into the dorms, Aizawa’s weary sigh following him. When he returned to the dorm, all his classmates were watching him with concern. They probably were watching the whole thing from the windows, fuckin’ stalkers. He ignored them, instead heading straight for the very nervous looking Kirishima and Kaminari in the kitchen. Before they could say anything, he grabbed them by the wrists and dragged them into the empty hallway, away from prying eyes and ears. He let go of their arms and just stood there, staring at them, and trying to collect his thoughts.

“Bakugou, we’re sor-” Kirishima started.

“Shut the fuck up and let me think,” Katsuki interrupted. He took a long breath. “I want to be pissed at you for telling Sensei, but I’m not,” He admitted. “And I guess I should I say…fucking…thank you. For, you know, sticking around today. But you guys don’t need to worry, I’m not gonna…do anything. Promise.”

“Are you sure?” Kaminari asked tentatively.

Katsuki groaned. “Yes, I’m fucking sure. If this shitty universe wants me gone it’s gonna have to do a whole lot worse than some intrusive thoughts.”

Kaminari gave him a small smile. “Like a villain or something?”

“Like any villain could ever fucking defeat me, you dunce!” Katsuki yelled. His friends smiled wider. There was that feeling again.

--

“Hey, Kacchan?”

Katsuki looked up from the sketchbook he had on his lap to find Deku floating above him, looking nervous. Every day for the past few days, Katsuki would finish his homework as quickly as he could after school, pack a small bag of stuff, and run over to the house. He and Deku would hang out, sometimes talking, sometimes not. They’d been trying to see if Deku could hold anything like he’d held the cupboard. He’d gotten a pencil once, but it didn’t last long. Right now, Katsuki was sketching absentmindedly as Deku watched the neighbor’s TV through the hole in the wall where a window used to be.

“What, nerd?” He asked, tilting his sketchbook down so Deku couldn’t see his unfinished drawings.

“Well, I was thinking…you go to school every day, right?”

“Of course I fucking do?”

“Yeah. And it just made me realize…I don’t go to school.”

“And what about it?”

“That means I haven’t learned anything for 6 years! I saw one of your math sheets the other day and I had no idea what was going on.”

Katsuki closed his sketchbook and set it to the side. “Okay…?”

Deku fidgeted with his own hands nervously. “I was just wondering if you could…maybe teach me? Not the stuff your learning, obviously, but the things you learned after I…died!”

Katsuki grumbled under his breath. He already had enough on his plate tutoring a third of his class with Four Eyes and Ponytail, he didn’t really need the extra work, especially with stuff he learned years ago. But something about Deku’s nervous fidgeting and bright eyes made it harder to say no. Katsuki huffed.

“Fine, nerd, I can teach you some shit.”

“Really!” Deku perked up. “Thank you, Kacchan! You’re the best!”

Katsuki grabbed his sketchbook again, looking down to hide his burning cheeks. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.” He’d have to do a lot of research when he got back to his dorm. Why did he fucking agree to this? Stupid Deku.

Chapter Text

“Okay, Kacchan, I’m done now!” Deku announced, floating horizontally above the packet Katsuki had given him over four hours ago. It was some old copies of a bunch of 5th grade final exams that Katsuki had pulled from the internet to see how much Deku remembered from his schooling 6 years ago. Katsuki had shortened each test significantly, taking out anything he thought was useless information, but the combined time of taking a final test for four different subjects and the fact that the pencil kept falling through Deku’s hand made it take for-fucking-ever.

“Finally!” Katsuki said, closing the cover of his sketchbook and hiding away pages of drawings that were not of stupid Deku.

“I think I did okay…” Deku mumbled. “History was probably the worst, though. I couldn’t remember any of the dates!”

“That’s whatever, history is fuckin’ useless,” Katsuki assured him, collecting the packet off the floor and putting it on his lap. He sighed heavily. “Now I gotta grade this shit or something.”

“I don’t want to give you any trouble, Kacchan,” Deku started, but Katsuki waved his hand at him.

“No fucking trouble, Deku, I can handle teaching you shit. Who the fuck do you think I am?”

“You’re Kacchan, and you’re a genius, I remember.” Deku smiled.

Katsuki immediately turned away as his cheeks went warm. What the hell was up with that? “You better believe I fucking am.” He dragged his backpack over towards him and shoved his stuff inside. “I have to go before people start looking for me or some shit.”

“Oh, okay,” Deku sounded disappointed. “See you tomorrow?”

“Obviously,” Katsuki said, standing and slinging his bag over one shoulder.

Deku smiled, making Katsuki heart flutter. Maybe he was dying.

“Obviously,” Deku repeated. “Bye, Kacchan!”

“Bye, nerd.”

--

When Katsuki got back to his dorm, it was already dark. Most of his classmates were chilling out the common room, and a bunch of people were very loudly chattering in the lounge area. They looked like they were playing a game. Katsuki sniffed at them. They should all be fucking studying right now.

“Yo, Bakugou!” Tape Arms called from the group of slackers. “You’re back late! Where were you?”

“None of your business, asshat!” Katsuki snapped back, heading for the stairs.

“Maybe he has a girlfriend!” He heard someone fake swoon. Probably Invisible Girl. He heard more people giggling at the suggestion, so he reached back to flip them off with a still-bandaged hand before disappearing into the hallway. Where would they even get the idea of a girlfriend? Since when had he ever felt like that about a –

Katsuki cut off his own train of thought. Nope. Not doing that tonight. He had a test to grade, a lesson to prepare, and more of his own fucking homework to do. Good thing he didn’t really sleep. He plopped down at his desk, ignoring the taped over hole in the wall he still had yet to fix, and pulled the packet of paper out of his bag.

He couldn’t suppress a tiny laugh when he saw the first page. At the very top where it asked for his name, Deku had written Midoriya Izuku/Deku/nerd in what was very obviously a 10-year-old’s handwriting. Possibly worse than your average 10-year-old, if Katsuki was being honest. It made sense, Deku had always had shit handwriting and 6 years of not writing would make it worse. It was still funny, especially when Deku had written both of Katsuki’s nicknames for him next to his given name.

The packet was full of shaky handwriting and scribbled out or restarted sentences and numbers, probably from Deku not being able to keep a grip on the pencil for more than 5 minutes at a time. It was kind of surreal when Katsuki realized he was reading the work of a ghost, but he moved past the feeling quickly. He went through the tests pretty fast with the keys pulled up on his laptop and his own knowledge of the problems. All in all, Deku didn’t do too bad. Like Deku had admitted, the history portion was kind of shit, but everything else was fine. A few missing negative signs and some incorrect fractions was all the fuck ups in math. Some funky grammar in literacy. A couple wrong answers here and there for science. But that was it. Katsuki was almost impressed, but he’d never admit it.

He also felt a little sad. Deku wanted to learn this shit, but why? He couldn’t exactly use it for anything. Katsuki sighed, telling himself it was fine, at least it would keep Deku busy. He knew if he was locked up in a house with only shitty reality TV to watch and no mental stimulation, he might go insane. Helping Deku out with this was the least he could do.

He sighed a put the packet off to the side, making note of the things he needed to teach Deku tomorrow, and pulled up a search tab on his laptop. He looked up a 6th grade school curriculum, but it was so boring that his mind started wandering immediately. For the thousandth fucking time, it went back to Deku. Emerald eyes, messy forest hair, starry freckles, soft smile. That look of concentration he had on his face as he went through the test, the one Katsuki had filled up a whole sketchbook page trying to get just right. The way his eyes widened and corners of his lips quirked up into a proud smile when he figured out a particularly puzzling problem. The way he giggled when Katsuki repeated a stupid joke Kaminari had told that day. They way he got so excited when he finally picked up a pencil that he immediately dropped it. The way he was always so close to Katsuki, saying it was so he could hold things better.

Katsuki started out of his head, realizing he’d read through a whole paragraph without absorbing any of the information. Shit, what was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he stop thinking about stupid, shitty, ghost Deku? He groaned and slammed his head on the desk once, twice, three times, then looked back to his computer.

Okay, he could do this, he just needed to focus and not – knock knock!

Katsuki grumbled, whacked his forehead on the table again, and left it there. “What?” He snapped.

“Hey, bro!” Kirishima called through the door. “You were out late, all good?”

Kirishima had been coming by to check up on Katsuki everyday since the whole dying situation. Katsuki had mixed feelings about it. He felt like he should be livid like he used to be, but he also felt…cared for? It was so fucking weird coming from someone other than his parents or even Deku. Scratch that, it still felt weird from Deku.

“I’m fine,” he answered.

“Really? Then why does it sound like you’re banging your head against the wall or something?”

“Fuck off,” Katsuki said to his door without much venom. Kirishima came inside anyways. Katsuki turned his head to his cheek was resting on the table. “I said fuck off.”

“Yeah, well I say no thanks,” Kirishima responded with a toothy grin. “Why do you have your head on the table?”

“Brain won’t shut up,” Katsuki mumbled.

“Ah, I know the feeling,” Kirishima said, leaning against the wall.

“Didn’t know you had a brain.”

Kirishima laughed. “What won’t your brain shut up about?”

Deku, Katsuki’s stupid brain supplied. “Stuff,” he said out loud.

“Okay, we don’t have to talk about that, dude.”

Katsuki sighed and sat up in his chair, turning towards his friend. “Why’d you come in my room?” he asked.

“Just to talk?” Kirishima shrugged. “Where were you out so late?”

“The house.”

Kirishima raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Oh?”

“What the fuck kinda look is that, Shitty Hair?” Katsuki snarled, crossing his arms over his chest. His cheeks felt warm. Fuck.

“Nothing, you were just hanging out with Izuku for…” Kirishima checked the clock above Katsuki’s bed. “Four hours? Long time.”

“Yeah? The hell is it to you?” Katsuki growled.

“You two must get along,” Kirishima said, the stupid smile still on his face.

“I hate you.”

“Love you too, Bakubro.” Katsuki growled at him again. “Hey, want to come downstairs?”

“Why the fuck would I want to do that?”

Kirishima shrugged. “I don’t know, it’s Friday night! We’re all just hanging out and playing games and stuff, we’d love it if you joined us.”

“Sounds like a fucking nightmare.” It also sounded better than Katsuki’s real nightmares or sitting in his room alone all night, thinking about stupid Deku. “Who’s gonna be there?”

“Well, the whole class pretty much, but I was just with Kaminari, Ashido, Sero, and Jirou.”

Katsuki thought about for a second, then stood up. He’d probably regret this. “Fine.”

Kirishima gave him a bright, sharktooth grin. “Awesome, dude! Let’s go!” Before they left, Katsuki grabbed his phone, sketchbook, and pencil, and threw on his All Might hoodie. It really was becoming an anxiety safety blanket lately, and he definitely needed that if he was going to hang out with the Idiots. At least Jirou was chill most of the time. She had great music taste, too.

Entering the common area behind Kirishima, Katsuki was greeted with a chorus of ‘Hey, Bakubro/Blasty/man!’ He just huffed in response and took a one-person seat the furthest away from everyone, but still in the vicinity.

Sero grinned at him from his seat on the floor between Kaminari’s legs. Kaminari had a determined look on his face as he attempted to braid Soy Sauce’s hair. Ashido was sitting next to him, poking at him and providing tips. Jirou was on the other couch, watching their antics, and Kirishima took a seat on the floor near Katsuki.

Katsuki brought his feet up onto the seat and leaned into the cushion behind him, taking in the chaos of the people who claimed him as their friend. Jirou caught his eye and gave him a curt nod, which he returned.

“Are you sure you know how to do this?” Ashido asked Kaminari, frowning.

“I’m figuring it out!” Kaminari responded, not looking away from the mess he was slowly creating in Tape Boy’s hair. “This is harder than it looks.”

“I know that, that’s why I’m trying to help you! Stop that!” Ashido said, slapping Kaminari’s hand away. She pushed him out of the way and took his spot, jostling Sero around a bit. “You have lost your chance. You suck at this.”

Kaminari just grumbled and settled off to the side. He looked over at Katsuki. “I wasn’t that bad, right, Bakugou?”

Katsuki glanced at the mess Ashido was trying to undo in Soy Sauce’s hair. “Pinky’s right, you sucked ass at that.”

“Aw, man!” Kaminari whined as the rest of the group laughed.

“So, what have you been up to, Blasty?” Ashido asked him with a smile. Dammit, why did Kaminari have to draw attention to him?

“Nothing,” He grumbled.

“Nothing?” Ashido repeated incredulously. “Come on, Blasty! You’ve been gone for hours after school every day this week! You have to have been doing something!”

Katsuki glared at her, but Kirishima cut in before he could start yelling. “He said it was nothing, let’s just leave that be, dudes,” he said, smiling. Ashido gave him a look but stopped the questions. Thanks, Kirishima.

His relief didn’t last long, though, because Sero piped up and said, “Hey! You’re wearing that new hoodie again! You must like it, huh?”

Katsuki glared daggers at him and didn’t respond.

“Where’d you get it?” Tape Arms asked. Again, Katsuki didn’t answer.

“He said it belonged to a friend,” Racoon Eyes supplied. “Didn’t say who, though. Could be a special friend.” She said in a weird voice, waggling her eyebrows. Sero snickered. Katsuki glared at her, too, moving to grab his sketchbook and get back to his room. It was a fucking mistake to come here, he knew it.

“Hey!” Kaminari suddenly said much too loudly, sitting up. “Let’s, uh, play a game!”

“Yeah, good idea!” Kirishima agreed, also too loud.

“How about Uno?” Jirou suggested dryly, giving Katsuki a look then away. Katsuki looked at the three of them, then sat back in his chair and brought out his sketchbook. They knew he wasn’t going to play, and thankfully nobody asked. Katsuki doodled away to the consistent sounds of his friend’s stupid laughing and yelling, and it was a whole lot easier to stay awake that night.

--

“Ugh, Kacchan, I think I’m done for the day.”

Katsuki looked up from the homework that he was working on to find Deku staring sadly at the assignment he’d been given. “What? C’mon, nerd, you’re the one who I asked for this!”

“I knoooowww,” Deku groaned. “But I didn’t think there was so much stuff to learn!” He floated towards Katsuki with a smiled. “Can’t we just hang out for the rest of today?”

Katsuki willed the blush off his face and put his work down. “Sure, whatever, nerd.” Deku grinned and his cheeks went even hotter. He must have died and gone to hell. What the fuck was going on with him?

“So!” Deku said, pulling himself into a criss-crossed position in the air. “What cool hero stuff did you do at school today? Did you fight someone? Did you win?”

“Of course I fucking won! Who’d you think your talking to, nerd?” Katsuki snapped.

“Ah! Of course you did! Who’d you fight?”

“Everyone!”

“Really, Kacchan? Everyone? Like at once?”

“Shut up. Sarcasm doesn’t suit you.”

“I beg to differ, Kacchan.”

Hours later, Katsuki realized he’d lost track of time in the natural push and pull of his conversation with Deku, which had since dissolved into relatively harmless bickering about the necessity of the media when it came to heroes.

“Reporters are fuckin’ stupid, Deku!” Katsuki said, standing and grabbing his stuff. “Interviews and shit are a waste of precious hero time.”

“Look, Kacchan,” Deku said, floating along beside him. “I’m not saying that your totally wrong, but media interviews and stuff are what show the public a more personal side of heroes! You wouldn’t trust someone if you only saw them blowing up buildings and stuff, right?”

“I would if they were good at their fucking job!”

Deku threw his hands up. “But the media makes the heroes seem like normal everyday folk because that’s what they are! People like that!”

“What exactly about being on a talk show makes you seem normal and relatable and shit, Deku?”

“It’s the stuff you say! If a hero is good at media stuff, then more people like them and feel safe with them, the better hero they are!”

“Are you saying I have to be good at fucking around for a camera if I-” Katsuki cut himself off at the sound of his foot crunching on the gravel path. The gravel path that led to the sidewalk. The gravel path that was outside of the house, that he and Deku were now walking on. “Holy shit,” he whispered.

“Uh, Kacchan, are you…” Deku trailed off as he looked around himself with wide eyes. “Wait. Are we…?”

Katsuki stared at him, equally shocked. “Yeah.” Deku was outside of the house. Outside of the house, and he wasn’t being teleported back or screaming in pain.

“Oh my god,” Deku said softly, looking at the outside world with wonderment. “Oh. My. God! Kacchan, I’m outside! I’m outside!” He sounded like a child with the world’s biggest lollipop. His wide, sparkling eyes and dimpled cheeks were mesmerizing. He spun around happily. “Outside! Actually outside!”

“Yeah…” Katsuki breathed. “Outside.”

Deku started flapping his hands around, grinning wildly. He quickly floated towards the sidewalk, away from the house. “Kacchan!” He squealed. “Kacchan! This is – oh my god!” And suddenly, it was like the thin rubber band holding the whole of his excitement inside snapped, and Deku squealed louder and took off down the sidewalk. Katsuki started and scrambled to catch up with him, grinning stupidly himself, but nearly tripped and fell on his face when he heard another scream.

He skidded to a stop and turned to his side to see Deku, floating in the air and doubled over in pain. Shit. “Deku?”

Deku put out a thumbs up, slowly unfolding himself. “Okay. Okay. I think I get it now.”

“Get it? Get what?”

“Let me just…pull myself together and then I’ll…explain,” Deku said, wincing. Katsuki waited impatiently. Finally, Deku put his hand down. “Alright. How to put this into words?” He rubbed at his chin for a second, making his cute – no, nerdy and stupid thinking face. “It’s like there are…ropes? Yeah, ropes.”

Katsuki frowned. “Ropes?”

“Yeah, that’s what I said.” Before Katsuki could snap back, Deku kept going. “So, the ropes. There are two of them, and they’ve been there since I died. They aren’t real ropes, I just…feel them? I know they’re there. They always have been.”

“Are they connected to something?”

“Yup. One roped is connected to the house, the other is connected to…” Deku glanced over at him with a strange expression. “To you, Kacchan.”

“Me?”

“Yes! But the ropes are different. They each tether me to something, but they have different thicknesses, and therefore stronger or weaker pulls. Does that make sense?” Katsuki nodded. “Good. The thing is, the thickness and pull changes. At the very, very beginning, yours was the strongest, by a little. But then I watched you leave from the window, and yours got a bit weaker and the house was the main tether. I didn’t know what it was back then, but I knew I couldn’t leave the house. Then, you came back, and your tether got way stronger. Maybe stronger than the house. I still didn’t know what that meant, though.” Deku frowned at him. “When you told me about…abandoning my mom” – Katsuki flinched at that – “Your tether got a lot weaker. And then you came back again, and it slowly got stronger and stronger. Now, I think you’ve got a way stronger hold than the house.”

Katsuki stood quietly, taking in the information. “Okay. I got it. You’re saying that now you’re…attached to me instead of the house.”

Deku grinned. “Yeah, exactly! Unfortunately, I apparently still don’t have total freedom. The rope is only so long, which is why I got forced back here when I went too far away.”

“What, you saying you don’t like being attached to me?” Katsuki snapped. “Trying to run away or something?”

“Never, Kacchan! I’d never run from you.”

Deku’s voice was suddenly so genuine and soft that Katsuki’s cheeks and ears immediately flared red and his eyes went wide.

“Yeah, you better not even try, nerd!” He blurted on impulse. “Gonna fucking hurt yourself.”

“Aw, don’t worry, Kacchan. I’ll just have to stay right here with you,” Deku said, leaning in close and smiling. Katsuki’s face was going to melt off. He hated this so much. Deku’s eyes widened with a realization and he gasped loudly. “I can go to UA with you! Hero school!”

Katsuki just nodded and kept his mouth shut. How the fuck was he going to pay attention with Deku there the whole time?

Deku was out of his face and doing a silly happy dance in the air, floating up and then back down. “This is gonna be so COOL! AAH! Let’s go right now!” Deku stopped flying around and came to stop in front of Katsuki, looking serious but still happy. “I am never coming back to this house again.”

Katsuki smirked. “Fuck this house.”

Deku nodded solemnly. “Fuck this house,” he echoed.

“I should just blow it up.”

“Kacchan, no! That’s illegal, we’ll go to jail!”

“Tch, fine.”

--

Deku had not shut up the entire walk back to UA, and while at first Katsuki had found it almost endearing (almost), he was now about to rip his hair out in annoyance. “Shut up, nerd!” He yelled.

Deku snapped his mouth shut. “Sorry! I’m just so excited!”

Katsuki sighed. “Yeah, I fucking got that. But if you start rambling and shit during my classes, I’m going to go insane.”

“Okay, I will keep it in my head.” Katsuki gave him a disbelieving look, and Deku put his hands out. “I promise! No mumbling in classes!”

Katsuki huffed and turned away as they approached the dorms. “You also know I won’t really be able to talk to you around other people, right?”

“Oh, yeah, that makes sense.” A smile appeared on Deku’s face that made Katsuki feel uneasy but also made his heart flutter in his chest. What the fuck. “Guess that means I’ll just get to bother you as much as I want, and you can’t do anything!”

“Deku!” Katsuki shouted, but Deku just laughed and disappeared, re-appearing further down the path.

“Hurry up, Kacchan, you’re too slow!”

“You little shit!” Katsuki yelled, chasing after him. Just as he caught up, Deku was gone again, now in front of the doors to the dorms.

“I thought you were faster than me!”

“You’re fucking cheating!” Katsuki snapped, finally reaching the front doors. “You asshole little-”

“Kacchan, ssshhh, they’ll hear you!” Deku said with a shit-eating grin, pointing inside where Katsuki’s classmates were. Katsuki just silently fumed at him, then ripped the door open and stomped inside.

“Blasty, you’re back!” Raccon Eyes called, jumping up from her seat at a table by Invisible Girl. “Can you come help me out with the math homework?”

“Blasty?” Deku said, smiling. Katsuki shot him a glare he hoped wasn’t too obvious, then turned back to Pinky with a huff.

“Not even gonna let me put my shit away?” He grumbled, sitting down in the seat next to Ashido’s and grabbing her paper. “What’s your fucking problem?” She slid back into her seat and leaned over towards him, making him lean away.

“Number 5,” she said, pointing to the problem. “I know Ectoplasm Sensei explained it, but I just don’t get it! My notes aren’t very good.”

Katsuki read over the problem and figured out the steps in his head. “It’s just trigonometry, Raccoon Eyes. 30-60-90 ratios, remember?”

Ashido poked her fingers together and smiled at him. “No?”

Katsuki groaned, then grabbed a spare sheet of paper out of his bag and wrote out the ratio and other notes on it, then shoved it towards Ashido. “There, should make sense. If you have questions, ask Four Eyes or Ponytail, I’m busy.”

“Busy doing what?” Invisible Girl asked with a weird coo in her voice as she leaned across the table towards him.

“Busy doing my own shit,” Katsuki snapped.

“Kacchan, don’t be mean!” Katsuki growled, ignoring Deku.

“Were you doing it with someone else?” Hakagure said, moving her shoulder from side to side. “Like a girl~?”

Katsuki curled his upper lip and glared at her. “The fuck are you trying to say?”

Ashido giggled and put a hand on Hakagure’s shoulder. “Toru, stop teasing him.”

“Wait, is that girl invisible?” Deku said excitedly, appearing over Hakagure’s head. “Oh my gosh! That is so cool! Does light just pass right through her?” Katsuki moved his glare up from the girls to Deku. Deku’s eyes went wide. “Oh, right! Sorry.”

“What?” Hakagure said, unaware of the ghost freakout happening above her. “I’m just asking!”

Katsuki growled at them again, grabbing his stuff and stomping off to his room. He slammed the door before Deku could make it in, but Deku just passed right through.

“Rude, Kacchan.”

Katsuki grumbled and fell face-first onto his bed. “Fuck you.”

“You swear a lot more nowadays,” Deku noticed. Katsuki groaned into his pillow as response. “Kacchan, are you okay?” Katsuki rolled over and stared at his ceiling.

“I hate my stupid classmates.”

Deku appeared above him with a cheeky smile and his dumb dimples. “Why, ‘cause they think I’m your girlfriend?”

Katsuki grabbed a pillow and whipped it up at him, but it just passed right through, hit the ceiling, and fell back onto to Katsuki’s stomach. Deku laughed.

“Oh, come on, Kacchan! They seem nice.” Deku floated closer to his face and Katsuki practically tried to push himself into the mattress to get away, his cheeks burning. And then Deku smiled with one eyebrow raised. Fuck. “I can tell you actually like them.”

“I don’t-I don’t fucking like them,” Katsuki answered, not at all talking about his classmates.

“Sure, you do! You helped that girl with her homework!” Deku said, hovering even further down. Katsuki’s brain was short-circuiting. For the billionth time, what the fuck was going on? “See? I knew you-” Deku cut himself off, looking up in surprise. He finally disappeared and blinked in front of Katsuki’s wall, and Katsuki could breathe again. “Kacchan, what happened?” Deku said, pointing at the hole in the wall that was blocked off with tape.

“Oh…I, uh, got a little angry.”

Deku looked at him with wide eyes. “You did this? Was this why your hands were bandaged?”

“Yeah.”

“Kacchan!” Deku scolded. “You should be more careful!”

“I did it when I blacked out, okay?” Katsuki snapped. “Not my fault!”

Deku frowned at him. “You blacked out?”

“Bad day,” Katsuki offered as an explanation. Deku didn’t push it.

“Hey, what was that girl’s quirk, anyways? The pink one?”

Katsuki felt that he’d regret telling him but said it anyways. “Her name’s Ashido and she creates acid from her body.”

Deku’s eyes went wide and Katsuki sat up to watch as three, two, one- “That is so COOL! There are so many ways she could use it! Does it change corrosiveness? Can she control the direction? What if she made it slippery and slid around, like she was ice-skating? I bet she could go really fast! What if-”

Katsuki tuned out what Deku was actually saying and just watched him say it. His freckled cheeks with their stupid dimples when he smiled, the way his eyes seemed to literally glow with excitement, how he shook his fists up and down in front of him, so energetic and unable to control himself. The way he gesticulated wildly as he talked, miming motions and adding sound effects sometimes. Or the way he would suddenly stop moving altogether and make his little thinking face, nose all scrunched up, then break out into the grins and movement again when he figured it out. It was all so much like it was when they were kids, but the feeling in Katsuki’s chest was new. Not totally new, but new enough. It was stronger, for one, a lot more noticeable and not as tamped down by rage. It made it a lot harder to just ignore.

He still wanted to ignore it, though, so he pulled out his history textbook, opened it to a random page, and started reading.

--

“Kacchan, it’s nearly 12 am, are you going to sleep?”

Katsuki didn’t look up from his sketchbook. “No.”

Deku floated over to his side, ‘sitting’ next to him on the bed. “Why not?”

“The less sleep the better,” Katsuki mumbled.

“That’s not healthy, Kacchan.”

“I wouldn’t be able to sleep long, anyways.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Nightmares.”

Deku frowned at him. “Oh. That doesn’t sound good.”

“It fucking sucks.”

Deku leaned back into a pillow. “I forget what sleep is like, you know. The closest I get is the void.”

Katsuki turned, looking at Deku’s profile, the ghostly figure outlined by a slight tinge of green. He hadn’t noticed that before. It looked…pretty.

“What do you mean, 'the void'?” Katsuki asked.

Deku didn’t turn, allowing Katsuki to keep staring at him. “I don’t know how to describe it. It’s this…I guess you could say dark. Really, it’s just nothing. Kind of like where I went when I tried to leave the house 5 times, but without the pain.” Deku put his hands up, then dropped them back on his lap. “Complete nothing. No feeling, or sound, or anything to see. I can go there for short times, but not for long.”

“How’d you figure out you could do it?” Katsuki asked, only half-listening. He’d started counting the freckles on Deku’s cheek without thinking. There were a lot.

“One time I was hanging around, super bored, and I just wished I could be anywhere else. And then I was in the void, only for a second. When I came back out, I was in a different room. I think it’s how I blink around and stuff.” Deku turned to the side, meeting Katsuki’s eyes with his shimmering green ones. He smiled softly, dimples barley there. “You know, now that I think about it, there has always been one thing in the void.”

“What?” Katsuki asked, almost a whisper. He felt entranced and far too warm.

“You.”

Katsuki’s heart skipped and fluttered against his scarred chest. “Huh?”

Deku was still smiling at him. “If I look really closely, I can find your rope. Not the house’s, though. Just you.” Deku turned back to the wall and looked utterly serene and beautiful, green outline glowing brighter. “Like a safety line, leading me home if I get lost.”

Home.

He called Katsuki ‘home’.

Suddenly, Deku closed his eyes and disappeared. Katsuki startled, but he was back as soon as he’d left. Deku gave him that same soft, calm, gentle smile.

“Yup, still there. Couldn’t lose you if I tried, Kacchan. We’ll just have to stick together, I guess.”

Katsuki didn’t answer, because he had just come to an earth-shattering, heart-breaking, life-fucking realization as he watched Deku’s smile in the lowlight of the lamp. Two realizations, actually.

Here’s the second one:

You can’t be in love with a ghost, Katsuki. It’ll break you.

Chapter Text

Everything has fallen away. All Katsuki can see is a boy outlined in green. And all he can feel is oncoming disaster.

He is running full speed on a road that will come to a sharp, unyielding, and painful end, and yet he can’t stop running. Even as he sees the cliff ahead, he doesn’t stop running, and soon the ground starts to angle downwards under his feet until he is no longer running but falling towards the drop. He can’t stop his fall. He can’t stop the end to this that is surely coming.

He has to stop it and he can’t.

He is going to hit the ground below, and he is going to shatter.

And there isn’t a single thing he can do about it because he is entirely sure it is impossible fall out of love with Midoriya Izuku.

“Kacchan? Kacchan, are you okay?”

Izuku is watching him with concern, his brows furrowed and eyes sincere. Katsuki was still reeling from his initial shock and then of course he thought I want to kiss him and his heart broke all over again. He wanted with every fiber of his being to reach out and touch Izuku, to hold him, to run his hand through the forest of green hair and kiss every starry freckled on his dimpled cheeks. His heart ached for it and hurt because of it because he knew he couldn’t. He knew if he reached out, his hands would pass right through like he didn’t even exist.

He also knew that telling Izuku any of this could only make it a billion times worse, so he tried to rearrange his features to show indifference and keep his voice flat and calm as he said, “’m fine. Just need a second alone?”

Izuku frowned and nodded. “Okay…I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to go in the hall.” Katsuki nodded, and with one last troubled look, Izuku floated through the door and disappeared.

Katsuki buried his face in a pillow and sobbed. He choked on tears as he stopped the cries from escaping his throat as his entire body shook with effort. He cried and he cried because he loved Izuku and he couldn’t. He loved Izuku and it would never work. He loved Izuku and he couldn’t tell him and Izuku would never love him back. Why would he?

So Katsuki sobbed until his pillow was soaked and he had run out of tears to cry. It wasn’t enough. It could never be enough, but what the hell was he supposed to do now? Izuku had said it himself, they were literally attached. And as much as Katsuki wanted to push his problems away and re-attach Izuku to the house, he couldn’t bring himself to be that cruel. Not again.

He fumbled his hand over his nightstand, sliding it down to grip the drawer handle and pulling it open. He searched around blindly until his hand hit the familiar feeling of braided thread, and he wrapped his hand around the old bracelet. He brought it out of the drawer, holding it carefully in his open palm. The ends were still frayed. It was coming undone. But still together because of how tightly Izuku weaved it when they were kids. Katsuki shoved the bracelet in his pocket, unable to keep looking at it.

He’d just have to fucking deal with it. Deal with Izuku being forced to be at his side for the rest of his life. Dealing with the knowledge that he loved him and couldn’t have him. He’d surely die of heartbreak, but maybe then Izuku could finally be free. Without him.

Kacchan, I spent 6 years without you. It was hell. If you were dead instead of me, I would have very little to live for.

Katsuki shoved the echoing voice out of his head. Izuku would get over it. Or he’d be gone too, and wouldn’t even have to think about it.

He rubbed his face with shaking hands, desperately trying to wipe off any evidence of his breakdown. He had to pull himself together for Izuku, because if that nerd knew anything about this, he would try to comfort Katsuki and that would make it all so much harder and so much worse.

He took a deep, trembling breath, then shoved his tear-stained pillow under the bed. “Alright, nerd, you can come back in,” he called through the door, trying not to be so loud as to wake Kirishima. Though, based on what he saw the night Kirishima slept over at his house, he could set off explosions in his room and Kirishima would still be fast asleep.

Izuku appeared in the room immediately, staring at him intently. “Is everything okay, Kacchan?”

Katsuki didn’t meet his eyes, instead staring at the wall and settling back into his pillow. No, everything was very much not okay. The world was fucking ending. “I said I’m fine.”

“Okay,” Izuku said, hovering over the bed.

The sat in silence for the rest of the night until Katsuki couldn’t hold back sleep anymore and drifted off.

--

green hair

green eyes

bright smile

red shoes

always there

behind him

behind him

behind him

push him, shove him, yell at him,

hurt him

still there

still chasing

i am chasing

chasing

run

run

run!

have to get there have to catch him have to save him save him save him

gone

gone

disappeared

can’t find him have to find him have to grab him before before before

it’s too late

too fucking late

--

Katsuki wakes up crying. That in itself isn’t new, but usually the crying is accompanied by screaming or yelling or puking or…something. And there usually isn’t the main character of his nightmares staring at him desperately.

“Kacchan!” Izuku practically shouts. “Kacchan, are you okay?”

No, Katsuki wants to scream. I have never been less okay in my life. I have never been okay at all. Instead, he wiped the thick tears from his face with the heels of his hands and sets his face in stone.

“I’m fine. Just another fucking nightmare.”

Izuku frowns at him and his eyes are full of so much caring Katsuki wants to throw up and kiss him at the same time. This was hell and heaven all in one fucked up whirlwind of stupid emotions.

“I’m sorry, Kacchan, they must be terrible.”

Katsuki mumbles something incoherent and turns to look at his clock. For once, he’d slept past 3 am, but it was still 4:30, too early for anyone to be awake. But he couldn’t stand being in such a small space with Izuku for much longer, so he forced himself off the bed and padded out the door.

“Where are we going?”

“I don’t fucking know. A walk?” Katsuki grumbled, making up the answer on the spot. The outdoors always calmed him down. Katsuki quickly descended the stairs and made his way towards the front door of the dorms.

“Kacchan, you’re not wearing shoes,” Izuku said, hovering slightly behind him at his side.

Katsuki didn’t stop. “Whatever.” He was also still in the old skull t-shirt and grey sweatpants he’d slept in last night, but he just didn’t have it in him to care anymore. When he finally pushed through the door, he waited for the cool night air to sooth his senses and make his heart stop racing, but it didn’t.

The cold of the stone path seeped through his socks and into his feet as he walked through the darkness of the morning. The sun wouldn’t rise for hours, but the city seemed to settle in darkness, tiny lights blinking in distant windows. The dark also allowed for Izuku’s glow to become more prominent, casting a soft green illumination across Katsuki and the ground below. When Katsuki shot him a sideways glance, he was struck by how utterly ethereal and peaceful he looked. He must have gone through far more trauma and terror than Katsuki could even begin to fathom yet seemed the same Izuku he had always been. Kind, caring, and forgiving. Far too forgiving. He should hate Katsuki. Izuku should utterly despise him. Katsuki deserved it. He didn’t deserve Izuku’s trust or friendship, let alone his love.

He didn’t deserve anything about Izuku.

Suddenly, Izuku turned to meet his eyes with his glowing green ones, and Katsuki noticed that there seemed to be streaks of green drifting out of the emerald irises. All of Izuku looked like it was slowly dissolving into the night.

“Kacchan, is something wrong with me? You’re staring,” Izuku said, making Katsuki start.

“No, nothing’s wrong with you,” Katsuki mumbled, turning back to the empty night ahead.

“I’m pretty bright at night, aren’t I?”

“You’re still a pretty shitty flashlight,” Katsuki said, trying to muster up any feeling in his words. They fell flat. He was sure Izuku noticed the tone, but he didn’t say anything for the rest of the walk. Eventually, Katsuki looked up and realized he had unknowingly made his way to the cemetery gates. He stopped, then glanced over at Izuku. He looked hesitant.

“Is this…,” Izuku started to ask, but trailed off. He almost looked scared.

Katsuki immediately turned around and started walking back to the dorms. “C’mon, let’s go back.”

--

“Good mornin’, Bakubro!”

Katsuki looked up from his phone to see Kirishima waving at him from the kitchen. He didn’t react, and instead turned back to Izuku, who was floating over the table reading a history textbook. Kirishima suddenly jumped onto the couch seat beside Katsuki, smiling at him.

“What are you doing out here so early?”

“It’s 7 am, Kirishima, I’ve been awake for three hours,” Katsuki said, watching Izuku glare at the book and turn a page. Once again, a wave of love and sadness washed over him as he took in the way Izuku’s hair fell over his eyes when he looked down, or the way one eyebrow quirked up when he was confused.

“Three-wait, did that page just turn or am I seeing things?”

Katsuki sighed. “Deku’s trying to learn history.”

“There’s so many, dates, Kacchan!” Izuku said, frowning at him helplessly. The nickname made Katsuki’s heart twinge.

“Uh…Deku? As in Izuku from the house?”

“Not from the house anymore. He’s right there.” Katsuki nodded towards the table in front of the couch and Izuku smiled.

“Tell Kirishima I say hello!”

Katsuki grumbled. “He says hi.”

“Hi Izuku! Wait, I thought he was stuck in the house or something. He can leave now?”

“It’s com-”

“Who’s Izuku?” A voice suddenly asked from behind. Both Katsuki and Kirishima startled and turned around to find Ears staring at them quizzically.

“Uh, nobody!” Kirishima said quickly.

Jirou frowned. “Then what were you talking about?”

“None of your fucking business!” Katsuki snapped before Kirishima could attempt a more diplomatic answer. He turned away from Ears and sunk down into the couch. “Why does everyone in this shitty dorm have to be so fucking nosy?” He growled quietly.

“Why do you have so much to hide?” Katsuki whipped around to glare at Jirou, who just stared back at him with a straight face.

“The fuck did you say?”

Jirou crossed her arms. “You heard me, Bakugou. What is going on with you? I always knew you hid stuff, but lately it’s been crazy.”

Katsuki stood from the couch and moved around it to loom over Jirou. “Excuse you, fuckface?”

Kirishima held his hands out. “Guys, maybe we should chill out a bit.”

“Kacchan, calm down!”

“I’m not hiding shit,” Katsuki growled, ignoring the pleas.

“Then where the hell do you go off to everyday after school? Or during those runs in the middle of the night?” Katsuki froze. How did she know about the runs? Jirou kept going. “Yeah, I know about those.”

“My shit has nothing to do with you!” He yelled. “So leave me the fuck alone!”

“Bakugou-”

“Stop it!” Katsuki shouted louder. “Stop whatever the fuck you’re doing! You’re not gonna unlock my tragic fucking backstory or some shit and fix me!”

Kirishima put a hand on his shoulder. “Bakugou, I don’t think she was-”

“You should fucking know, Kirishima!” Katsuki snapped, turning towards his friend and shoving the hand off his shoulder. “You’ve got a look into the shitshow, so just tell her it’s not fucking worth it! You can’t help me!”

“Kacchan, stop yelling at them, they’re just trying to be friends,” Izuku said, floating in between Kirishima and Katsuki. His green eyes were full of concern and it made Katsuki hurt.

“I didn’t realize friends fucking spied on you in the middle of the night!” Katsuki said without thinking. He heard Jirou’s confused remarks behind him but didn’t turn.

“They care about you, Kacchan, just like I do.” Another twist of the knife in his heart.

“You should stop, then.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop caring about me. Maybe then your stupid rope will break, and you’ll be free.”

Izuku looked like he’d been slapped. “Are you-are you saying you want me to leave?”

Katsuki wanted to say yes and he wanted to say no so he just didn’t say anything. He knew his classmates were talking to him, but he couldn’t see or hear anything but Izuku.

“I’m not going to leave you, Kacchan, even if I could.”

Katsuki felt tears coming, and he looked down at the floor. “You should. I don’t deserve you staying.”

Izuku sunk down below him to meet his eyes. “You don’t get to decide that, Kacchan. I do.” He floated up closer and put a hand next to Katsuki’s cheek, almost holding it.

“And I say I want to stay.”

Katuki swallowed back thick tears on his throat and brought one shaky hand to hover outside of Izuku’s. He suddenly knew, without a question, that he could not live in a world where Midoriya Izuku didn’t know how much he loved him. He also knew what he had to do, though not what to do after that. Katsuki never made decisions without forethought, but when it came to Izuku, he couldn’t help it.

He straightened up, meeting Kirishima’s worried red eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but had too much to say, so nothing came out. Izuku appeared to the side of Kirishima, and Katsuki turned to him instead.

“Deku, follow me.” Katsuki turned on his heel, mind racing as he headed towards a hall where none of his classmates would see. Thankfully, no one but Izuku followed him. He stopped in the quiet hall, turning slowly to find Izuku watching him. He took a deep breath. “I have…something for you.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out the untied bracelet. Izuku gasped.

“You still have it?”

“Of course, I do. I’ve had it since you gave it to me.”

Izuku floated closer to Katsuki’s outstretched palm, hands wavering as he reached out towards the bracelet. He then turned over his hand and looked at his empty, scarred wrist. Katsuki could hardly see through the freckled grey-pink skin anymore.

“I don’t know where mine went. The rest of my clothes stayed, but that was gone.” Izuku’s eyes were full of sorrow. “It was like the universe couldn’t even let me have that one comfort.”

Katsuki grabbed one end of the bracelet and strung it between his hands. “Maybe I could…I could give you mine?”

Izuku’s eyes went slightly wider and shook like he was going to cry. “You would do that?”

Katsuki tried not to cry himself. “I think I owe it to you.”

Izuku wrapped one hand around his own wrist, holding his hands to his chest. “Do you think it would even stay on?”

Katsuki held out the bracelet towards him. “Only one way to find out, nerd.”

Izuku gave him a small, nervous, sad smile and held out his arm. Katsuki took a deep breath, slipping the bracelet under Izuku’s wrist, gathering up the frayed mess of green and orange above, and tied the braided threads tightly, letting no part of the bracelet touch Izuku at all. Then, he let go.

The bracelet stayed.

Izuku moved his wrist up to his face, and the bracelet still didn’t fall off. Izuku grinned, his face lighting up with joy and dimples appearing on the starry freckled cheeks. He looked up at Katsuki, then down at the bracelet, then up at Katsuki, green eyes glowing.

Katsuki felt his heart overflow.

“Izuku, I love y-”

And then Izuku screamed, clutching his chest and squeezing his eyes shut, and collapsed on top of Katsuki.

--

It took Katsuki a moment to realize that he had hit the ground. Hard.

There was weight on his chest. When he slowly raised his head, he was met with a messy mop of green.

Green.

His breathe caught in his throat. Tentatively, he reached one shaky hand up and brought it down on top of the green hair. It was coarse and thick. And his hand didn’t go through straight through it. He sunk his fingers into the green hair, brushing through it softly. It was greasy and dirty and matted, and it was real.

Suddenly, he heard quick footsteps and Jirou, Kaminari, and Kirishima all came running around the corner into the hall.

“Holy shit, Bakugou, are you okay?” Kaminari yelped before screeching to halt, eyes wide.

“We heard screaming-who’s that?” Jirou said, breathing heavily. She moved towards him.

“STAY THE FUCK AWAY,” Katsuki yelled. His three friends froze, backing up a little. Katsuki brought his hand out of the mess of forest green and wrapped it around the body’s back, supporting it as he slowly sat up. He maneuvered the body until it was horizontal in his lap, his arm cradling the head.

He let out a strangle, muted cry.

Izuku was in his arms.

He was real, and solid, and Katsuki was holding him. He felt a pain in his chest, a stab of longing and heartache and pure, real love.

Again, he was that kid, collapsed on the floor with his best friend unconscious in front of him.

But this time, he reached out and he held Izuku and he didn’t let him go. He would never let him go again. He quickly pulled Izuku up into a hug, gripping him tightly. And then Katsuki started to sob.

He moved one hand to the back of Izuku’s head, making a fist in his tangled hair, drawing him closer, and placing his other hand on the center of Izuku’s chest.

There was a heartbeat.

He was alive.

he’s alive

he's alive

he’s alive he’s alive he’s alive he’s-

“Kacchan?” The voice was tiny and rough and it was Izuku’s. Katsuki slowly brought Izuku down so he could meet his eyes. His real, shining green eyes that were full of real, shining tears again.

Katsuki cupped Izuku’s warm, freckled cheek in his shaking calloused hand, barely touching his skin out of fear he would still pass through. Izuku opened his mouth to say something, but suddenly his eyes went wide, rolled back, and he screamed out the same agonizing cry. He spasmed and rolled out of Katsuki’s arms, curling up in fetal position on the cold hallways floors as he choked out another scream.

“Izuku!” Katsuki yelped, scrambling to his knees and grabbing the other boy and he shook. Panic squeezed his heart.

“Kacchan-” Izuku cut himself off with another shriek of pain. “It-it hurts.”

Katsuki gathered Izuku’s shivering, convulsing body in his arms and lifted him up, heart racing and fear jolting through his body with every scream. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.” Izuku was hyperventilating between small screams now, still shaking. “You’ll be okay,” Katsuki told him, trying to keep his fear and tears out of his voice. He gripped Izuku tightly, shoving past his friends and heading straight for the elevator. He repeated the words again and again, all the way up to his room and inside of it. He gently laid Izuku down on his bed as he whimpered and cried out weakly.

Katsuki went to grab his desk chair, but a scarred hand wrapped around his wrist and yanked him down into the bed. Izuku latched onto his sides, burying his head in Katsuki’s burned chest as he shook. Katsuki hugged him back.

“Don’t go, Kacchan.”

Katsuki leaned down into the forest of green hair. “I’m not going anywhere.”

--

Katsuki had nearly drifted off to sleep when Izuku jolted on the bed, gasping and digging his fingers into Katsuki’s sides. Katsuki wrapped his arms around him and hugged him close.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” he assured him. “I’m right here.”

“Kacchan?” Izuku whispered into his shirt.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

Izuku slowly raised his head, green eyes meeting red ones. His hand moved from Katsuki’s side up to his face, fingertips grazing his cheek. Then he moved his hand away, holding it between them and turning it over, staring. The bracelet was still tied around his wrist.

“I feel so – am I…?” Izuku hesitantly moved his hand to his own chest, pressing down on his heart. “Holy shit,” he breathed.

“Yeah.” Katsuki reached out to wipe a tear from Izuku’s cheek.

In a flash, Izuku’s arms were around his neck and he latched onto Katsuki with such force Katsuki fell off his bed backwards, Izuku heavy on top of him. Neither of them let go. Katsuki felt Izuku’s back start shaking in the way it did when he was crying, and when he finally pulled away, there were tears streaming down his face.

Izuku sniffed and wiped his eyes. “I-I forgot what crying felt like.” He laughed a little. “It’s really weird.”

“Get used to it, because you cry all the time, nerd,” Katsuki said, smiling up at him.

Izuku smiled back, taking a deep breath. “Breathing is strange, too. It’s all strange. I feel so heavy.”

Katsuki meshed his fingers together behind Izuku’s back. “You’re alive.”

Izuku put his hands out and cupped Katsuki’s cheeks in his rough, scarred palms. “I’m alive.”

Katsuki slowly moved his own hands from behind Izuku to the hands on his cheeks, covering them. Still slowly, he peeled Izuku’s hands off his face and pressed their palms flat together. He brushed his thumb over the scars gently, then gradually interlaced his fingers with Izuku’s.

Izuku held his hand back. And Izuku leaned down towards him. And Katsuki leaned up. At some point in the middle their lips finally met, and suddenly Izuku was kissing Katsuki and Katsuki was kissing Izuku and they were still holding hands, and this had to be a dream, heaven, both, or something altogether new and transcendent and perfect.

After what could have been seconds or years, Izuku pulled away, hovering almost nose-to-nose with Katsuki. There were tears in his eyes and his freckled cheeks were dusted in a pink blush.

“I love you too, Kacchan.”

A blush slammed into Katsuki’s face. “You heard that?”

Izuku kissed the tip of his nose, making him blush harder. “Yup. You’re such a romantic, Kacchan.”

Katsuki growled under his breath and weaseled his hands out of Izuku’s, wrapping them instead around his neck and pulling him down into another kiss. And then another, and another, and another.

“Y’know,” Izuku whispered into his lips. “I didn’t hear the whole thing.”

Katsuki huffed, staring into Izuku’s twinkling green eyes. “I love you,” he mumbled quickly.

Izuku’s smile was blinding. “I think I’m dreaming.”

“Me too.”

“Let’s not wake up, then.”

Katsuki pulled him in for another short kiss. “M’kay.” He knew they needed to talk. He knew there were a lot of things he still needed to say. He knew that this would all be hard. But right now, right here, all he cared about was that he had Izuku in his arms and a full heart in his scarred chest.

Just as he was going in for the millionth kiss, there was a knock on the door. Both boys froze.

Katsuki expected Kirishima to call through the door, asking if he was alright. What he did not expect was Aizawa Sensei’s voice saying, “Bakugou?”

Izuku’s eyes widened. “Who’s that?” He whispered.

Katsuki pulled himself off the ground and out from under Izuku. “That’s my fucking teacher,” he whispered back.

“Oh,” Izuku said, grabbing onto the bed and trying to stand. His legs wobbled and buckled, and Katsuki rushed to catch him before he hit the ground. “Oops. I forget how standing works, I think.”

“That’s okay, just hold onto me,” Katsuki said, letting Izuku wrap an arm around his shoulders and lean on him. He held onto Izuku’s waist to steady him, making him look up and blush, which made Katsuki blush.

“Bakugou, are you in there?” Aizawa Sensei called again.

Katsuki startled himself away from the emerald eyes. “Yeah, just a second.” He helped Izuku into his desk chair, then opened the door just enough to show his face. “What.”

Aizawa Sensei stared at him with an unreadable expression. “Bakugou, your classmates told me what happened earlier. Care to explain?”

“Not really.”

Aizawa Sensei put a hand on his door before he could close it. “Wasn’t a request. Why did you have a screaming boy?”

“I’m okay now,” Izuku said from behind Katsuki.

Katsuki sighed and opened the door all the way to show Izuku sitting at his desk, smiling.

“Hello, Mr. Kacchan’s Sensei!” He chirped. “Sorry if I scared anyone! I’m not used to having a body anymore. It kinda hurt at first.” Katsuki gave him a look. The cute nerd was too honest for his own good.

Aizawa looked Izuku up and down with slightly wider eyes. “I-what?”

Izuku laughed and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Oh, that sounded weird, didn’t it?”

“You think, nerd?”

“Well, you’re not going to lie to your Sensei, right, Kacchan?”

Katsuki groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. “No, but I might explain it better than ‘I’m not used to a physical form’.”

“Okay, I’ll let you do it then. I’d just ramble.”

Katsuki let out a small laugh. “Yeah, you would.”

“Bakugou, random child, can we back up a second here?” Aizawa said, looking between the two of them. “I honestly don’t even know what to ask first.”

Katsuki took a deep breath. “Well, I’m about to give you a whole lot more questions, old man. Please let me explain. Because I would first like to formally introduce you to” – Katsuki held out one hand towards Izuku – “Midoriya Izuku.”

Aizawa Sensei frowned, squinting at Katsuki. “Midoriya…Izuku? Is that supposed to mean…something…oh.” Aizawa’s eyebrows quirked up in realization. “Wait, Midoriya from your…childhood?”

“Yes, Midoriya from my childhood. The one who is…uh…dead.”

“’m not dead anymore,” Izuku said casually, fiddling with one of Katsuki’s pens.

“You were dead up until less than and hour ago, Zuku.”

Izuku looked over at him with a lopsided, questioning smile. “’Zuku’?”

“Shut up, I was trying something,” Katsuki snapped, blushing.

“You two need to stop going off on tangential conversations,” Aizawa interrupted. “What exactly do you mean, he ‘was dead’?”

“I mean he was dead!” Katsuki said, throwing his hands up. “It’s fuckin’ hard to explain!”

“I was a ghost,” Izuku cut in. “And now I’m not because of the ropes.”

“The ropes?” Katsuki and Aizawa asked at the same time.

“Yeah, you know, the roped. Tethers. I told you about them, Kacchan.”

“You didn’t tell me about this part.”

“Oh, yeah, I guess we were-” Izuku suddenly blushed. “Uh. Busy with other topics.” Katsuki felt his cheeks heat up. “I can just tell you now. So, we’ve established the tethers. Oh, wait, I guess Mr. Kacchan’s teacher-”

“Aizawa.”

“-Right, Aizawa Sensei wouldn’t know. Basically, as a ghost, I had two different ropes tying to me to this one stupid house, and to Kacchan. There was lots of complicated stuff on that front, but eventually the Kacchan tether got much stronger than the house and I could finally leave! Which was great, because I’d much rather spend time with Kacchan than in the house where I was murdered.”

“Gee, thanks,” Katsuki said flatly.

Izuku sent him a cheeky smile. “Anyways, as time went on, the Kacchan rope got very strong. I could even see it super clearly in the void, didn’t even have to look! And then, Kacchan gave me this” – Izuku held up the wrist with the green and orange bracelet – “and suddenly it was like the rope was yanking me…out? Hard to explain, but everything hurt all at once and then when I woke up, I was…not dead anymore! Still can’t really walk though. I haven’t done anything but float in like 6 years. Which is interesting because it makes me wonder if I have any muscle mass anymore. When people are in comas for a long time, they get super weak from not moving, maybe that’s what’s happening to me. Though I could kind of move earlier-”

“Nerd, you’re mumbling again.”

Izuku jumped slightly in his chair and looked up. “Oh! Sorry!”

“Whatever.” Katsuki turned back to Aizawa Sensei, who looked totally lost. “Any fucking questions, sir?”

“So many.” Katsuki slumped his shoulders and sat down on his bed. Aizawa sighed. “Though the ones at the front of my mind would be why are there rips in your shirt, and are you okay all around, kid?” He said, looking at Izuku.

Izuku looked down at the diagonal rips in his blue t-shirt that revealed the mess of scars of his chest, threading a nervous finger through the shredded fabric. “The rips…um…I think ghosts…stay in the clothes they died in, so…that’s that.” Izuku’s stare went vacant. “It was not a clean or neat end, sir.” His voice started to shake, and Katsuki pushed himself off the bed and went to put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing once. Katsuki also glared up at Aizawa for good measure. He felt Izuku’s hand land softly on top of his and looked down to meet the green eyes. Thankfully, they weren’t empty anymore. He was sure they were both trying to push similar images out of their heads, memories of bloody walls and floors.

“You okay?” Katsuki asked quietly. Izuku gave him a small, uncertain nod. Katsuki glared at his teacher again. “I think that’s enough questions, old man.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“No one ever fucking means to,” Katsuki snapped, sounding weary. Suddenly, he felt Izuku shoulder shaking under his hand, and looked down to find him staring at the wall with wide, fearful eyes, breathing fast. “Shit.” Katsuki quickly came around in front of Izuku, kneeling down to meet his eyes and cupping his face in his hands. “Hey, Izuku, it’s okay. You’re not in the house anymore.”

Izuku grabbed Katsuki’s wrist, his green eyes full of panic, but he seemed to at least notice that Katsuki was there. He started hyperventilating through his nose, mouth opening slightly like he was trying to talk.

“There’s no monster here,” Katsuki said firmly. “There’s no monster, you’re okay. I promise.” Katsuki brushed his thumbs back and forth on Izuku’s cheeks as his breathing finally slowed.

“No monster,” he breathed, half a question, half a statement.

“No monster,” Katsuki affirmed.

Izuku nodded. “No monster. No house.”

“Yeah. You’re at UA, with me and my asshole of a teacher.”

Izuku finally let go of his wrist and dropped his hands to his lap. “Asshole teacher. Kacchan. Safe. Okay.”

Katsuki moved his hands up from his cheeks to run his fingers through his dirty hair. “Yes. Safe.”

Izuku reached out and pulled Katsuki into a hug, which Katsuki returned, breathing in the nerd’s smell. He smelled musty, but at least he didn’t smell dead. And besides, Katsuki was a bit too focused on keep his rage in check than smelling Izuku. When Izuku loosened his grip and pulled back into the chair, Katsuki slowly turned to Aizawa, anger boiling in his chest.

“Maybe,” he growled with a glare, tightening his hands into fists at his sides. “You should just fucking leave instead of triggering another kid’s trauma, you insensitive little-”

“Kacchan, don’t talk like that to a teacher!”

Katsuki glanced back at Izuku. “He gave you a fucking panic attack, Zuku!”

“And I am so, so sorry for that,” Aizawa Sensei said, holding out his hands towards Izuku. Katsuki growled at him defensively. “I was only trying to make sure you were okay. It’s my job.”

“I understand.” Izuku took a deep breath. “Man, breathing is so weird.” He mumbled. Katsuki was about to yell again when the nerd got the cute light-bulb moment look on his face, and he blushed when it morphed into something slightly mischievous. “You know, Aizawa, sir, if you really want to make it up to me…” – Izuku swayed his head back and forth like he was thinking about something, hands back, leaning forwards in the chair excitedly – “you could…let me come to Kacchan’s classes with him. Just for the day.”

“What?” Both Katsuki and Aizawa said.

“Nerd, no. You can’t even…” Katsuki trailed off when Izuku gave him a puppy-dog look. “Fuck you. Stop that.” Izuku smiled at him, knowing he’d won.

“Kid, I’m sorry, but I can’t do that.”

Izuku turned his attention to Aizawa Sensei, smile dropping. He looked down at the ground. “You know, I’ve never had a panic attack before. Pretty scary.” Katsuki couldn’t believe this. The nerd was such a devious little bastard now. Katsuki liked it.

“Kid…”

“I could see myself dying all over again.” Izuku lifted his face to lock eyes with Aizawa. “Do you know what it’s like to die?” Holy shit, he was going all in.

Aizawa Sensei froze, then opened his mouth, then closed it again, then pursed his lips and sighed. “I am going to get in so much trouble for this…” he mumbled. “Fine, you can shadow Bakugou for the day. But I expect you two to stick together, got it?”

Izuku grinned and jumped out of his seat, then immediately started to fall. Katsuki dashed over to catch him, and Izuku smiled up at him. “My hero~.”

Katsuki blushed. “I will drop you.”

“You wouldn’t.”

Aizawa let out another weary sigh, drawing their attention to him. “No causing trouble, please. Class starts soon, get moving.”

Izuku saluted him as he left. “Yes Mr. Aizawa Sensei sir!”

Katsuki gently pushed Izuku to his feet, holding his shoulders to stop him from falling again. “You’re such a dork.”

Izuku leaned in close, looking up at him. “Yup. And you said you loved me.”

Katsuki blushed furiously and leaned in to kiss Izuku quickly. “I regret that already.”

Izuku smiled his blinding, dimpled smile. “No ya’ don’t.”

“No, I don’t.”

Chapter Text

They burned the ripped-up t-shirt. Before going to school, Katsuki set it on fire with an explosion and shoved it into a garbage can. Now, Izuku was wearing one of Katsuki’s only colored shirts – an orange one –, grey sweatpants, and the All Might hoodie. They’d argued about who it belonged to, and eventually compromised on just sharing it. It also made them decide to go see Inko after school, and hopefully after coming up with a concise explanation that wouldn’t send her into cardiac arrest.

Now, there was only two problems. One being that Izuku was still struggling to keep on his feet, but that just meant Katsuki would be carrying him or holding his hand the whole time, which he was maybe a little more than fine with. The other problem was his classmates.

As soon as he walked into class 2-A, holding hands with a stranger, the entire class fell silent. Every pair of eyes in the room turned to stare at them. Katsuki just glared back, and Izuku smiled and waved.

“Hello!” He sang. “Wow, it’s so cool to see you all in person! Not, you know, on YouTube and stuff.”

“Bakugou…” Ashido said, raising an eyebrow. “Who’s this cutie?”

Katsuki growled. “None of your business, Raccoon Eyes.”

Izuku frowned at him. “Kacchan, it is their business if I’m gonna hang around today. Don’t be so stuffy.” He poked Katsuki in the shoulder, then turned back to Ashido. “You’re Ashido, right? I’m Midoriya Izuku! Nice to meet you!”

Ashido grinned. “Hello, Midoriya! How do you know my name?”

“Kacchan told me!” Izuku said, leaning into Katsuki’s side. Katsuki just grunted and averted his eyes.

“Kacchan?” Ashido said, like she was holding back a laugh.

“Oh! I mean…Ka-Katsuki.”

Katsuki quirked one eyebrow up. “Did you just forget my fucking name?”

Izuku blushed and shrugged. “It’s been a while!” Izuku looked back at Katsuki’s classmates, eyes widening as he gasped. “Kirishima! Kaminari! Hello!”

Kirishima and Kaminari smiled at him. “So this is what you look like, man!” Kirishima said, walking across the room with Kaminari. “Good to meet you formally, I guess!”

“Bakubro was right, we are the traffic light trio,” Kaminari said with a grin.

Izuku started giggling. “Yeah, we-woah!” Izuku had tried to take a step forward and his foot landed sideways, making his knees buckle inwards. Katsuki immediately hoisted him into the air and set him back down gently. “Thanks, Kacchan. I don’t think legs are supposed to do that.”

“No, they’re not,” Katsuki agreed, grasping his hand again.

“Wait, what do you-” One kid started to ask but was cut off when Aizawa Sensei slumped into the room behind Katsuki and Izuku. All the students except the two boys swiftly took their seats.

“Hello, class,” Aizawa said, taking his place at the front podium. “As you can see, we have a guest today. Midoriya Izuku. He’s Bakugou’s friend, please don’t bother him too much. Bakugou, you can take your seat now.”

Katsuki frowned down at Izuku, who was still struggling to stand, then huffed. “I’m just gonna pick you up now,” he warned before sweeping Izuku off with wobbly feet into a bridal carry. Izuku made a cute little ‘eep’ noise in reaction, eyes wide. Katsuki smirked and grabbed a chair from the empty seat behind his and placed it by his desk, plopping Izuku down into it and taking his own seat. He realized the entire class was watching him the whole time, even Aizawa Sensei. He glared up at his teacher.

“Proceed, old man.”

Aizawa narrowed his eyes at Katsuki but eventually turned back to the class and begun his lesson for the day. Izuku brought out a notebook and a pen.

“Where did you even get those?” Katsuki hissed.

Izuku smiled at him and shrugged. “I stole them from your room.”

Katsuki grumbled at him but turned back to Aizawa. “No muttering.”

“No promises.”

--

After homeroom had ended and the students were given a 15-minute break, the students of 2-A swarmed around Katsuki’s desk like a hive of annoying-ass bees to a pollen-rich flower, buzzing excitedly. Katsuki instinctively shifted to get as in front of Izuku as he could, trying to protect him from the over stimulation of his stupid classmates.

“Hey, he’s wearing the hoodie!” Someone pointed out.

“Is he the friend?”

“Why’d you fall over?”

“Are you going to go to UA now?”

“Why do you call him Kacchan?

“What was your name again?”

“What’s your-”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Katsuki finally screamed, slamming his fists on the desk and silencing the extras. “Christ, you fuckfaces are gonna freak him out!”

“It’s okay, Kacchan,” Izuku said, poking his head around Katsuki’s shoulder. “I can handle them.”

“You have no fucking idea how annoying these assholes can get.”

“Well, I know you like them, so they can’t be that bad.”

“Who said I fucking liked them?”

Izuku smiled at him. “I know you well enough to tell, Kacchan.”

“Aw, Blasty likes us?” Ashido said, holding a hand to her chest and making a kissy face.

“He doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” Katsuki snapped.

“Rude, Kacchan. I always know what I’m talking about.”

Katsuki looked back at him. “You don’t know shit about history.”

Izuku pouted at him. “That is an outlier subject of hell.”

“No, you just use your nerd memory for useless things.”

Izuku leaned in towards him. “Useless? Let’s see…” he tapped a finger on his chin thoughtfully “I seem to vividly remember that time in 1st grade-”

“Don’t you fucking dare, Zuku.”

“-where you were so sure that you could walk on top of the monkey bars-”

“Zuku, I swear-”

“-but you didn’t realize how slippery or far apart they were, and you slipped, and your friend tried to catch you-”

“SHUT UP!”

“-and only was able to grab you shorts, and then you tried to break your fall with a blast and-mmphf!” Izuku was cut off by Katsuki’s hand over his face pushing him back. Suddenly, Katsuki’s hand felt wet and he jerked it back to find that Izuku had fucking licked his hand.

“You gross little shit! Are you a toddler?” Katsuki yelled.

“And then the dust cleared, and you were sitting there in the hole you blasted in the ground, wearing your limited edition All Might underwear with your face covered in ash!” Izuku finished, cackling along with the rest of 2-A. Katsuki shrieked and stood from his chair, glaring down at Izuku.

“I hate you,” he growled.

Izuku reached up and patted his cheek, making him blush. “We both know that’s a big ol lie, Kacchan.” Katsuki blushed harder and slumped back into his seat, defeated and betrayed.

“Oh-hah! Oh my gosh, Blasty, I love him,” Ashido choked out between bouts of laughter.

Izuku grinned a dumb, cute, proud smile. “I have more stories where that came from. Like the dog food incident.”

“NO!” Katsuki shouted. “You swore on All Might that you would take that secret to your grave.”

Izuku raised his eyebrows and gave him a secret smile. “Well…”

“That doesn’t count!”

Izuku giggled and waved his hand. “Okay, fine, no dog food incident.” Katsuki huffed a sigh of relief, the turned back to his classmates. He caught the eyes of Jirou, who was watching Izuku intently with a thoughtful look. Oh, right, she’d seen him in the hall. Whatever, she could deal with not knowing.

“Wait, were you guys, like, childhood friends or something?” Hagakure asked.

Izuku nodded. “Yep! Since forever! Our moms were friends before we were even born, so we grew up together.”

“So why hasn’t Bakugou ever mentioned you?”

Katsuki and Izuku gave each other a look. “Uh.”

“Didn’t come up,” Katsuki covered.

“What are you doing here today, Midoriya?” Round Cheeks asked.

“Oh…I was visiting my mom…and thought I could visit Kacchan, too,” Izuku lied slowly.

“Visiting from where?”

Izuku opened his mouth but didn’t have an answer.

“He goes to a boarding school in Tokyo,” Katsuki made up. Izuku nodded.

“Yeah, from Tokyo.”

“That’s cool!” Sero said. “But how’d you get Aizawa Sensei to let you hang around? He’s pretty strict about guests and stuff.”

Izuku grinned mischievously and Katsuki’s heart skipped a beat. “I have my ways.”

“Ooh, does the cutie have a dark side?” Ashido teased.

Izuku’s eyes went wide. “W-what?” he spluttered. “No, no dark side! I promise didn’t do anything bad to your teacher!”

“You’re a ball of fucking sunshine, Zuku, we got it,” Katsuki grumbled, hoping his cheeks weren’t pink.

Izuku smiled, leaned his head on Katsuki shoulder, and patted his spiky blonde hair affectionately. “Aw, thanks Kacchan.” Now, Katsuki really hoped he wasn’t blushing.

“Stop that,” he said, despite not making any moves to push Izuku off.

“Your hair is softer than I thought it would be,” Izuku mumbled.

“Yeah, and your hair is fucking gross,” Katsuki mumbled back.

“Not my fault!” Izuku protested quietly. “No shampoo in…Tokyo.”

“Oh my gosh,” Hagakure squealed, interrupting their conversation. “Soft Bakugou is so cute!”

Katsuki glared at her and growled. “What the fuck did you call me? I’m not fucking soft or cute!”

Izuku took his head off Katsuki’s shoulder. “Hell yeah, Kacchan’s all badass, all the time. Since birth. The second she held him his mom was like ‘this is one powerful, badass baby’.”

Katsuki turned his glare onto Izuku, who laughed. “You are such a sarcastic little fucker, you know that?”

Izuku beamed at him, making his heart flutter. “Of course, Super Awesome King Lord Explosion Murder God Dynamite Ultra Explosion Man,” he said, reciting the entire name Katsuki had written out in one of their hero journals as kids. “Did you really have to put explosion in there twice?”

“Shut up!”

“See, I remember things.”

“Why would you remember that?”

His classmates were cackling around them.

“Wait,” Kaminari panted, holding up a hand as he laughed, “You’re telling me that Bakugou’s first attempt at a hero name was a shorter version?”

“Are you telling me he actually tried to use that?” Izuku laughed. “Kacchan!”

“It’s a cool name!” Katsuki yelled. He lowered his voice to a murmur. “And it reminded me of you, ‘cause we wrote it together ‘n stuff.”

Izuku stopped laughing. “Oh. Kacchan, that’s so sweet.”

“Whatever.”

“Oh boy, I have so many questions about little Blasty,” Ashido said, chuckling.

“I bet I have so many answers!” Izuku responded excitedly.

Katsuki dropped his forehead onto the desk with a bang. “I fucking hate this. I never should have brought you along.”

“You couldn’t have stopped me, Kacchan, my determination to hang out with you cool friends is too strong,” Izuku announced, patting his head.

“He thinks we’re cool!” Kaminari said happily.

“Not cooler than me,” Katsuki grumbled to the floor, not one to give up his pride.

“Never cooler than Kacchan, but still cool.”

--

The afternoon was quirk training, and Izuku was practically vibrating with excitement as Katsuki let him off his back in front of Gym Gamma.

“Nerd, you are crushing my hand,” Katsuki grumbled.

Izuku looked up at him, surprised, and loosened the death grip on Katsuki’s hand. “Ah! Sorry, Kacchan! I’m just so excited!”

“Keep your head, Zuku, I don’t want you to get fucking hurt in here ‘cause someone was being stupid.”

Izuku bumped their shoulders together. “Such a sweetheart.”

“Take that back,” Katsuki growled. Izuku just smiled and poked him in the cheek.

“Hey there, cutie!” Ahisdo called as the entered the gym, waving at them.

Izuku waved back. “Hello, Ashido!”

“Are you gonna train with us?”

Izuku shook his head. “Oh, uh, no. I can still barely walk even with Kacchan’s help, so I’m just coming to observe.”

“You can’t walk?” Ashido frowned. “Is that why you’re always holding Blasty’s hand?”

“Mostly!”

Katsuki’s cheeks went warm. “Shut it, nerd.” Izuku stuck his tongue out at him and Ashido laughed.

“Good afternoon, students! I am here!”

Izuku froze, still staring up at Katsuki. His mouth opened slightly. Katsuki smirked at him, then turned to his teacher.

“Afternoon, All Might Sensei.”

All Might stood large in the doorway, framed by the backlighting. The gigantic man lumbered towards Katsuki and Izuku, and Izuku slowly turned to face him. His grip on Katsuki’s hand was back to crushing.

“Hello there, Young Bakugou! Aizawa told me you brought a friend today!” All Might stuck out a hand to Izuku. “What’s your name, kid?”

Izuku was shell-shocked, staring up at his hero with wide eyes, gaping like a koi fish. After a moment, Katsuki jabbed him in the side with his elbow.

“HELLO!” Izuku shouted. His face went red. “I mean, hello, Mr. All Might Sensei sir. Hi.”

“He asked you name, nerd.”

“Midoriya Izuku, sir!” Izuku squeaked. “I am very honored to meet you.”

All Might reached out to ruffle his hair. “Thank you, Young Midoriya. I like your hoodie.”

There were stars glittering in Izuku’s huge emerald eyes as he looked down at his All Might hoodie, then back up at real All Might, grinning with his mouth open. Katsuki felt his heart flutter. “Okay, nerd, you can fanboy later. This is still school.”

He pulled Izuku to a bench on the side of the gym, the pushed him into the seat. He was still starry eyed. Katsuki wanted to kiss him so bad. “Zuku, chill.”

“Chill?” Izuku squeaked. “That was All Might!”

“Yes, it was. I have to go to class now, stay there and just fucking watch me.”

Izuku’s starry eyes morphed to a playful smirk. “You better be interesting to watch, then, Kacchan.”

Katsuki flicked Izuku’s forehead. “Is that a challenge?”

“Yes,” Izuku said, then blew him a kiss and fucking winked at him. “Good luck.”

Katsuki drew his shoulders up to his ear, flustered and blushing furiously. Seriously, this flirty little nerd is what got to him? “I fucking hate you.” He turned away from Izuku’s giggling and stalked back to his classmates. Izuku wanted him to be interesting to watch? He would blow that cute green-haired bastard’s mind.

“Go Kacchan!” Izuku called from behind, making Katsuki cover his face with one hand, heart fluttering. Shit, he was in deep.

--

After quirk training was over, all of class 2-A was sweaty and tired. Katsuki especially, which would probably not end well.

“Nice job, Bakubro!” Kirishima said, piking his side with his elbow. “You were crazy today.”

“Tch.” Katsuki wiped his palms on the pants of his gym uniform.

“Almost like you had someone to impress.”

Katsuki turned and glared at Kirishima’s stupid grin. “Shut the fuck up.”

“Go get your mans, Bakugou.”

Katsuki punched him in the chest, making him stumble backwards a bit, laughing.

“Kacchan!” Izuku called from his bench. “Don’t hit your friends!”

Katsuki made his way to the bench. “He fuckin’ deserved it.”

“Stop being moody and help me stand up,” Izuku said, holding his arms up like a toddler. Katsuki grabbed his hands and yanked him up, but Izuku didn’t stop himself and instead fell straight onto Katsuki’s chest and wrapped his arms around Katsuki’s ribs. He looked up and rested his chin on Katsuki’s collarbone.

“Hi,” he said with a soft smile.

Katsuki stared down at him, eyes wide and heart bursting out of his chest. His eyes travelled down from emerald eyes to Izuku’s lips. “What are you doing?” He asked slowly.

Izuku took a deep breath, then made a face. “You’re all sweaty.”

“I was fucking working out.”

“I know. You were amazing, Kacchan. Besides, you smell like burnt sugar when you’re sweaty. I like it.”

“Get off me before I kiss you,” Katsuki grumbled.

Izuku blushed and smirked. “Is that a threat or a promise?”

Katsuki growled and finally moved his arms to push Izuku off him. Izuku fake pouted about it, then grabbed his hand again. When they reached the front door of the gym, all his classmates were watching them with a mix of amusement and bewilderment.

“The fuck are you staring at?” Katsuki snapped.

Ashido giggled. “Nothin’.”

Katsuki growled at her.

“Come on, everyone!” Iida announced suddenly. “Let’s hit the showers and get back to work! No time wasted!”

Izuku reached one hand up to rake through his greasy, tangled hair. “Maybe I should take shower, too.”

“Sure, nerd.”

The class headed out of the gym, and suddenly Katsuki was yanked backwards as Izuku stopped abruptly.

“Ah! Crap!”

Katsuki jolted and turned to see Izuku standing in front of the wall off to the side of the door, rubbing his forehead with his free hand.

“What the fuck did you do?” Katsuki asked, obviously meaning Holy shit are you okay?

Izuku groaned and looked up at him sheepishly. “I tried to walk through the wall. Forgot I can’t anymore.”

Katsuki snorted a laugh and pulled Izuku towards him gently. “Dumbass. Use the fucking door like the rest of us.”

“Okay, Kacchan.”

--

Katsuki grabbed his towel that he hung over the stall wall and dried himself off before throwing on the shirt he’d also brought in with him. Katsuki stopped taking his shirt off around other people when he first scarred himself, not wanting to deal with questions or, god forbid, the pity. He exited the shower stall and got dressed the rest of the way, then knocked on the door to Izuku’s stall next to his.

“You good in there?”

There was a squeak of surprised and the water shut off. “Yup, I’m all done and still standing. Can you please hand me a towel?” Katsuki grabbed a towel and dropped it over the door. “Thanks.” There was the click of a lock unlatching, then Izuku came out of the shower stall with the towel wrapped around his waist. But not his chest. Meaning the scars were totally visible, a mess of angry, mangled stripes, pale on his freckled body. The scars spread to his arms and all seemed to stem from a larger, thicker, nastier slash in the center, starting above his heart and ending halfway down his stomach. It was a sight shocking to even Katsuki, who’d seen them before, but only through the rips in his shirt. Seeing them in full was much, much different.

Everyone in the locker room turned to stare.

Izuku reached up to shake his wet green hair, making droplets of water fly out in every direction. “See? All clean now!”

“Dude,” Sero said, quiet and horrified.

Izuku looked over at him, confused. “Hm?” Then, slowly, he followed Katsuki’s classmate’s stares down to his chest. He paused for a second, and Katsuki watched his eyes go empty. “Oh.”

Without thinking, Katsuki pulled his own shirt off over his head and shoved it onto Izuku, trying to block the scars from view to prevent another panic attack. Izuku didn’t move to put his arms through the sleeves, but the green seeped back into his eyes a bit. Katsuki wrapped his arms arm him and lifted him up, quickly carrying him into and empty part of the room, behind a wall of lockers, and set him down on a bench. He dropped to his knees to meet Izuku’s eyeline, holding his shoulders.

“Hey, are you with me?”

Izuku’s eyes were slightly unfocused, wavering between the sides of Katsuki’s head.

“Zuku, can you hear me?” Katsuki asked, keeping his voice low and calm.

Izuku nodded shakily.

“Good. Do you know where you are still?”

Izuku paused, looking around the room. Another nod.

“Can you talk?”

“Yes,” Izuku answered quietly, reaching up to hold Katsuki’s face between his hands, making Katsuki’s shirt ride up to his neck. Katsuki turned his face into Izuku’s hand and kissed his scarred palm, almost as an impulse. Izuku’s cheeks went pink and he smiled. “Kacchan!” He squeaked quietly. Katsuki smiled and kissed the other palm softly, then peeled Izuku’s hands off his face to stand.

“I’m going to go get your clothes, okay? Be right back.” When he came around the wall of lockers, his classmates were all whispering and muttering to each other as Kirishima and Kaminari tried to calm them down. He glared daggers at them as they looked up, no doubt now staring at the burn scars on Katsuki’s chest. These fuckers have no sense of boundaries. He gave a curt nod to Kaminari and Kirishima, then snatched Izuku’s clothes from a bench and disappeared behind the wall again.

He lifted his shirt off of Izuku slowly, meeting his eyes so Izuku didn’t look down. “Here,” he said, slipping the orange shirt over green hair. Izuku shifted his arms through the sleeves and exhaled in relief as soon as the shirt was on. “You good?”

Izuku smiled softly and nodded. “Thanks, Kacchan.” Then, he slowly leaned in and kissed Katsuki. Katsuki leaned back towards him, sighing into the touch of his soft lips. Izuku’s hands found the back of his neck and caressed the baby hairs there, sending shivers and pops down Katsuki’s spine. Katsuki ran his fingers through Izuku’s now-soft forest hair, pulling him closer.

When he finally pulled away to take a breath, Izuku was looking at him with such softness and adoration that he forgot how to breathe anyways.

“This is a really long dream,” Izuku whispered.

“Mmm,” Katsuki hummed in agreement as he kissed the freckles on the tip of Izuku’s nose. “Now, I’m gonna go blow Tape Boy’s face off.”

“Please don’t,” Izuku murmured into another short kiss.

“You can’t stop me.” Katsuki got to his feet despite his body screaming for another kiss and grabbed his shirt from the ground. He put it back on, then held out a hand to Izuku. “Come on, Kiri and Kami will be worried.”

Izuku smiled and took his hand, allowing Katsuki to pull him to his shaky feet and lead him out from behind the locker wall.

Kirishima smiled when he saw them. “Midoriya, buddy! Are you okay?”

“Yes, thank you Kirishima.”

Sero poked his head out from around Kaminari and Katsuki glared at him. “Hey, I’m sorry for freaking you out, Midoriya.”

Izuku waved his free hand. “It’s okay, you didn’t mean to.”

“A word of advice for all of you!” Kirishima suddenly announced, turning back to the room full of boys. “Don’t ask people about their scars.”

“Because it’s none of your fucking business, shitheads,” Katsuki finished, pulling Izuku closer to him. “Now get your asses moving before Four Eyes pops a blood vessel outside.”

--

The rest of the day was normal and boring except for the blaring alarm going off in Katsuki’s brain during every class because Izuku insisted on linking their pinkies under every table. It was driving him insane and making it so hard to focus. He’d nearly blown up their lunch table because it made his palms sweat so much. One teacher had asked him if he had a fever and needed to go see Recovery Girl. Kirishima wondered if his food was too spicy. And the entire time, Izuku was sitting next to him, smiling, and acting completely innocent about it.

The second Ectoplasm Sensei dismissed the class for the end of the day, Katsuki stood from his chair and practically dragged Izuku out of the room.

“Wo-woah, Kacchan, too fast-”

Katsuki whirled around and hoisted Izuku into a bridal carry, making him yelp in surprise and throw his arms around Katsuki’s shoulders.

“Kacchan, what are you doing?”

Katsuki just huffed and didn’t say anything the whole way through the halls, out of the school, back to the dorms, and up to his room. He opened the door and kicked it shut behind him, then dropped Izuku on the bed.

“Kacch-”

Katsuki rolled on top of him on the bed and caught Izuku’s gasp with his mouth, kissing him like he’d been wanting to for hours. Izuku let out a tiny, surprised squeak, then wrapped his arms around Katsuki’s neck and pulled him in. Katsuki scooped him up in response with arms around his back, lifting him closer. Closer, closer, closer.

He had left Izuku alone for 6 years, and he was going to make up for every second of it.

Izuku pulled away, and to his horror, in his mind-fuddled state, Katsuki whined quietly at the break of contact. His eyes widened as the sound escaped his throat and his face was quickly painted red. And then he caught Izuku’s emerald eyes and saw him staring up at Katsuki with his soft smile, dimples barely appearing on his freckled cheeks.

Izuku ran his hands up and down the back of Katsuki’s neck, ruffling his hair and sending shocks of electricity down his spine.

“What was that for?” Izuku asked quietly.

Katsuki held up his pinky finger. “For messing with me all day.”

Izuku stuck out his bottom lip and feigned confusion. “I don’t know what you mean, Kacchan.”

“Sure you don’t, nerd,” Katsuki said into another kiss. “And I missed you.”

Izuku hugged Katsuki tightly, pulling him down on top of him. “I missed you too,” he whispered into Katsuki’s neck. Katsuki closed his eyes and hugged him back, rolling over so they were both laying on their side, facing each other. Katsuki grabbed his dimpled cheeks and kissed him again, trying to infuse everything he was thinking and feeling into the one touch.

I love you.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

I have loved you since always and I will love you forever.

After a few minutes, Izuku pulled away again and pressed their foreheads together.

“Hey, Kacchan?”

“Mm?”

“What are we going to tell my mom?”

Katsuki opened his eyes to find Izuku looking thoughtful, almost sad. “The truth, probably.”

“Do you think she can handle it?”

“Your mom is the second strongest person I know, Zuku. She’ll just be happy to have you back,” Katsuki murmured, kissing Izuku’s nose. Inko had gone through so much in her life, but she was still going, even by herself. Even though Katsuki had tried to seclude himself, he still always had someone watching out for him. He was supposed to be the one watching out for Inko, but he failed, so she had to deal alone. That was a kind of strength Katsuki couldn’t fathom.

“Who’s the first?”

Katsuki patted his cheek twice, smirking. “You, duh.”

Suddenly, Izuku was crying and pulling Katsuki into yet another hug. “Kacchan! That’s so nice!”

Katsuki flushed pink and poked the top of Izuku’s head. “Don’t get used to it, nerd, it’s just because I missed you.”

“I know,” Izuku purred into his chest. “You’re always gonna be the strongest ever, Kacchan.”

Katsuki scoffed sadly. “Yeah, no.”

Izuku looked up at him, brows furrowed, frowning. “Yes, you are.”

Katsuki averted his eyes. “You didn’t see me for the past 6 years, Zuku. I was…” weak, fragile, broken “a mess.”

“I may not have seen you, but I do know that you are still here, and you are still Kacchan.” Izuku was watching him with earnest, determined green. “And because of that, you’re still my hero.” Katsuki’s breathe hitched in his throat. “The world has put you through a lot. But you’re still here.”

“You went through worse.”

“That’s not your place to decide. Nor is it mine. It isn’t right to compare things like that.”

A small smile spread over Katsuki’s face, a warm feeling bubbling in his chest. “I guess we can share first place, then.”

A hint of mischief and sarcasm creeped into Izuku’s genuine voice. “Wow, what happened to you?”

Katsuki scowled at him, then kissed the top of his head. “You did,” he murmured. “Little shit.”

“Mm hm,” Izuku hummed, sending shivers through his body. “I love you.”

“I guess I love you too,” Katsuki said, feeling serene for the first time in probably his whole life.

--

Izuku slowly slid down the wall to the left of the door to his mother’s apartment, shaking and taking deep breaths. Katsuki stood in front of the door, feelings a whirlwind in his stomach. They had a plan, to make sure Inko understood the situation fully and got all the information in a way that wouldn’t hurt her. It would all be good.

Katsuki knocked on the door. There was a muffled jumble of noises from inside, then the sounds of locks sliding, and the door creaked open to reveal Inko. She smiled up at him.

“Katsuki, hello!” she said in the happiest voice Katsuki had heard on her yet. Next to the door, hidden from her view, Izuku’s eyes widened, brimming with tears as he covered his mouth with his hands and choked on gasp at the sound of his mother. “Didn’t expect you today, is everything okay?” Inko asked, unaware of her son.

“Everything’s fine, Aunty Inko. I just have something really important to talk to you about. Can I come in?” Katsuki asked, his hands twitching at his sides.

“Of course, honey.” Inko moved to the side to clear Katsuki’s path into the apartment. The door closed with a quiet clack behind him, and Katsuki shoved down the panic at being separated from Izuku. It wouldn’t last long, he assured himself.

“Maybe we should go sit down,” Katsuki suggested, making his way into the living room. Inko followed and they both took a seat on the couch, Inko looking at him with confusion and slight worry. “This is good news, I promise,” Katsuki said, trying to sooth her worry. “It’s just…complicated.”

Inko quirked and eyebrow up and smiled. “Alright, take your time.”

“Okay. I guess I should start with quirks.” Inko tilted her head quizzically. “There are lots of different quirks, right? Infinite, probably.” Inko nodded. “Well, within all these billions of quirks, what if there was one that…uh, tore a spirit from it’s body?”

Inko’s eyes widened a little. “That sounds terrible.”

Katsuki pursed his lips. “Yes, it does, but what if there was a way to…bring the spirit back to Earth?”

“I don’t understand,” Inko said. “Why all these what-ifs?”

“Because…and I need you to try and stay calm here, okay?” Inko nodded slowly, confused. “Because I think the monster that killed Izuku had a quirk. Specifically, something like the quirk I was talking about.”

Inko gasped. “Katsuki…”

“Aunty, I found his spirit.” Inko was staring at him with wide, teary eyes now. “And I brought it back.” Inko didn’t respond, looking like she was frozen in shock. “He wants to see you again.”

There was a glint of green in Inko’s dead eyes. “My…my son…my baby, is…alive?” She sounded like she didn’t believe a single word she was saying.

“He is, Aunty, I promise.” Katsuki stood from the couch. “I’ll be right back, just stay here.” He walked through the halls and opened the front door to find a teary Izuku staring at him on shaky feet. “You ready?” He asked softly, taking Izuku’s hand. Izuku nodded, so Katsuki slowly led him into the living room.

Inko shrieked, pressing her hand over her chest.

Izuku began to cry. “Hi, mom,” he said quietly, moving towards her like he was unsure. Katsuki let go of hands, feeling like he wasn’t part of this. This was something for family, but he’d still be here to support them.

Inko was just staring up at him from the couch, not saying anything. Izuku cautiously sat on the couch next to her, turning to face his mother. “It’s…uh, it’s Izuku. Can I hug you?”

Inko drew back, tears brimming in her eyes. “You’re-” she choked out. “You’re not real, are you?”

Izuku looked devastated. “No, mom, I’m real.” He held out a hand towards her, scarred palm upturned. “See?”

Slowly, hesitantly, Inko reached her shaking hand out and met her son’s palm.

The apartment echoed with her screaming sob. She grabbed Izuku and yanked him towards her, hugging him tightly as they both cried.

After almost ten minutes, Inko finally spoke.

“My baby. My Izuku. My baby boy, how is this real?” she said, voice trembling. “How did this happen?”

“Kacchan brought me back, mom,” Izuku whispered into his mother’s grey hair. Katsuki heart skittered at the way Izuku said his name, feeling tears well up from his chest. This was all real. It had to be real. Izuku was home, and he was alive, and Katsuki was never going to leave his side again.

But for now, Katsuki stood off to the side, watching the mother and son hold each other for the first time in years, and let the world tilt back onto its axis. Inko pulled away from her son slightly, brushing the hair off his face and touching his tear-stained cheeks as he smiled.

“Izuku,” was all she said, like a prayer.

“Mom.”

“You promise I’m not dreaming?”

Katsuki realized with a start that Inko had turned from her son and was now addressing him with wet, hopeful voice. Katsuki smiled at her, then looked to Izuku. An Izuku feeling Katsuki had slowly begun to recognize as unadulterated love flooded in his chest.

“I promise, Aunty. He’s plenty real.”

--

Katsuki didn’t go back to school for the next week, instead spending all his time with the Midoriyas. Neither he nor Inko wanted to be separated from Izuku, nor he them, so they stayed together.

When Katsuki finally had to return to school, he and Izuku texted nearly every second, just to make sure the other was okay. He rarely slept at the dorms. His classmates questioned it, but finally let up after he’d blown a pan into shreds after the hundredth tease. He slowly grew accustomed to the rhythm of it, and the panic about Izuku retreated into a less obnoxious part of his brain.

That is, until about 3 months after Izuku was brought back to life, when he was out with his mother and came across a villain attack. Some kid who looked like Katsuki was being suffocated by a sludge villain, and Izuku freaked out, thinking it was the real Katsuki, and ran straight into the fight. He’d nearly died again, and only survived because All Might stepped in at the last second.

When Katsuki heard that Izuku was in the hospital, he lost it. He was in the middle of a school day when Recovery Girl pulled him out to tell him. The hole in the wall and scorch marks on the ceiling were the gossip of the school for the next few months.

Thank the divine powers and All Might, Izuku was fine. Physically at least. After the sludge villain day, you couldn’t have separated Katsuki and Izuku with anything less than the threat of the other’s life.

It was also the day when All Might finally decided on a successor. He’d been hoping for someone younger, someone who could spend all three years at UA, but he also knew that he wouldn’t be getting a more perfect candidate that Midoriya Izuku again. Katsuki had to agree.

The new quirk both soothed Katsuki’s fears – Izuku could protect himself now – and scared the shit out of him – Izuku could protect others now, with his signature disregard for his personal safety. But it made Izuku happy, so Katsuki was happy. Izuku joined class 3-A at UA the start of the next school year, the first ever student to do so. The class was elated.

Aizawa Sensei quickly dubbed him the second problem child, next to Katsuki. The two of them became relatively close friends with Recovery Girl. All Might got scolded a lot by Recovery Girl because of their frequent visits. And Izuku had still not stopped being amazed by Lunch Rush’s food, having forgotten what food tasted like over 6 years of nothing. He also still walked into walls sometimes, and got scared when he felt his stomach rumble or felt his own pulse. But he was adjusting.

Their classmates, however, were constantly confused by his behavior, and while they had long since given up asking about his time in ‘Tokyo boarding school’, both of them knew there was gossip and rumors, both in Class 3-A and the whole of UA. As the end of 3rd year neared, Izuku and Katsuki decided to set a few things straight.

“Hey, guys?” Izuku said, trying to get the rowdy group’s attention. They were all in the common room after a hard day of quirk training and a dinner Izuku coerced Katsuki into making as a mini celebration for their upcoming graduation. No one heard Izuku over the loud laughing and conversations. “Guys?”

Katsuki came up behind him, scowling. In the past year and a half, Izuku had somehow gotten and inch taller than him. He hated it. Mostly he hated it because he actually kind of like it, and that drove him crazy. Right now, he looked past his boyfriend’s shoulder at all their boisterous friends.

“HEY, FUCKERS, LISTEN UP!” He shouted, loud as he could. The class quieted and turned towards them.

Izuku gave Katsuki a grateful look. “Thank you, Kacchan.” He looked at their classmates and took a deep breath. “Okay, um, I-this is hard to say.” Izuku scratched his hair nervously, and Katsuki lightly nudged him in the side with his elbow as a show of support. Izuku smiled a bit. “Yeah, okay, I kind of have something to tell you all. You’re all my friends now, so I feel bad lying any longer. And I feel bad making some of you lie along with me.” Izuku gave a look to Kirishima and Kaminari, who gave him thumbs-up.

Izuku took another nervous breath and straightened up, readying himself to explain. “I-”

“Am dating Bakugou?” Hagakure suddenly cut in.

Katsuki jolted up and Izuku spluttered and blushed. “W-what?”

“Toru!” Uraraka chided, but she was smiling.

“What?” Hagakure said innocently. “We all know it!”

“N-no, I’m not-” Izuku sputtered, face red. “Well, I mean, yes-but that wasn’t what I was going to say!”

Katsuki groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. Of course, his idiot classmates could somehow run this off the fucking rails.

“Wait, YES?” Uraraka yelped, eyes wide. “And you didn’t tell me?” She and Izuku had grown to be close friends over the past year, so apparently, she was offended at the lack of knowledge about his love life.

“I didn’t-I mean I didn’t exactly lie to you! You never asked!”

The class erupted into rapid-fire questions and shouts of ‘I knew it!’ The only person who seemed surprised was Todoroki, because of course he wouldn’t have picked up on it. Izuku’s eyes darted from person to person, unable to get a full sentence out as he was bombarded. He started bringing his hands towards his chest and backing up, closing in on himself like he did when he got overwhelmed. Katsuki instinctively put and arm around his shoulder and squeezed to ground him, then turned to glare at their classmates.

“HEY! SHUT THE FUCK UP.” He titled his head to the side to show them all Izuku’s oncoming panic, and they quickly stopped talking and backed away. Katsuki growled at them. “Yes, shitfaces, Zuku and I are dating. Big fuckin’ surprise, I guess. Now let him fucking speak, because what he was gonna tell you was actually fucking important and a really big thing!” He took his arm off Izuku’s shoulder and held his hand instead, rubbing his thumb over Izuku’s scarred wrist.

Izuku slowly unwound, coming away from his fear and back to the present. “Yes, um, thank you Kacchan. Yes. The important thing. Um. So…” Katsuki squeezed Izuku’s hand three times, a code they had made up for I love you. It made Izuku’s smile return a bit and the squeezed back the same amount. “Um, yes, about…Tokyo. I never-I’ve never been to Tokyo.”

Uraraka frowned. “But what about boarding school?” Katsuki glared at her.

“That was a lie. I’m sorry. Kacchan and I made that up because the truth is…very complicated. I’m…I’m done lying so I’m gonna explain, but please let me get through it before you ask questions. It’s a lot.” Izuku took steady breath with his eyes closed, then opened them again. His free hand ghosted over his chest like it did when he thought about the scars, so Katsuki placed a gentle hand on his and pushed it down. Izuku started, probably not realizing what he’d been doing, then nodded once.

“When I was 10 years old, I was murdered,” Izuku finally said. “I don’t-details aren’t important, but Kacchan was there when it happened. He…found me. It’s hard to remember clearly. The…uh…the thing that…” Izuku’s eyes started going vacant, so Katsuki squeezed his hand again to bring him back. “The thing that killed me, it had a quirk, I think. I was-my spirit was separated from my body. I was ghost. For 6 years.” Izuku shifted closer to Katsuki, tears welling in his eyes. “Um…then Kacchan, Kirishima, and Kaminari came back to the…the house, and found me. Kacchan could see me, and eventually brought me back. But that’s why Kacchan never mentioned me before. I was, you know…dead.”

Katsuki searched the faces of his friends for any reaction, and his eyes found Jirou, who’s eyes were wide with understanding. Maybe she finally got what she saw back then, Izuku passed out on top of Katsuki in the middle of the dorm halls, screaming. He caught her eye and nodded at her, then looked to the rest of the students.

Finally, Todoroki spoke. “Is this a joke I do not understand?”

Katsuki glared at him. “It’s not a fucking joke you asshole.”

“You’re not kidding?” Shouji asked, sounding shocked. Katsuki felt Izuku let go of his hand.

“They’re being serious, trust me,” Kirishima piped up.

Kaminari nodded beside him, “Yeah, we-”

“Does this look like a joke?” Izuku suddenly said, and Katsuki looked to see him standing with his green shirt on the ground beside him, scars in full view, arms out. The pale, jagged mess of skin stretched across his whole torso, more scars having been added since the beginning of hero training. There were tears on his cheeks. His voice was shaking, but a firmness carried through. “I’m not fucking joking about my own murder.”

Katsuki moved towards him slowly. “Woah, Zuku, maybe you should-”

“I’m done being so scared of my own body, Kacchan!” Izuku snapped, voice trembling. He dropped his arms to his sides and turned to Katsuki, slumped over slightly. “I can’t-they’re not going away anytime soon. I can’t forget.” Katsuki quickly pulled him into a hug before he toppled over, letting Izuku grab onto the back of his shirt and bury his face in Katsuki’s shoulder. Katsuki struggled to keep holding him upright, glaring daggers at their classmates. This was all a terrible idea to begin with.

“Zuku,” he muttered into his boyfriend’s hair. “Do you want me to take you somewhere else?”

Izuku quickly shook his head and pulled himself up. “No-no, I want to-I can do this.” Katsuki put his hand’s on Izuku’s waist to steady him.

“I know you can, but you don’t have to, okay?”

“I want to.” Izuku gave Katsuki a sincere look. “I promise. I’m okay, sorry for worrying you.”

“Don’t be fucking sorry, it’s the assholes’ faults.” Katsuki ran a thumb across a pale red scar on Izuku’s waist. “How about you put your shirt back on?”

Izuku nodded slowly. “Yeah, it was weird to take that off.” Izuku pulled out of Katsuki hold and ducked down to grab his shirt, slipping it over his freckled body and blocking the scars from view again. He stood up straight and leaned into Katsuki, facing their frozen classmates. “Um, I’m sorry for-I know nobody wants to see something like that-”

“Hey,” Katsuki said, poking his boyfriend’s cheek. “No apologizing for this shit, remember.”

“Ah, yes, sor-I mean yeah. But…no, I’m not lying. Or joking, or whatever. Look up police records probably. It was in that fake haunted house a couple blocks from Kacchan’s house.” Izuku paused, rubbing his chin. “Wait, maybe it actually was a real haunted house because I was haunting it…”

Katsuki couldn’t hold back a tiny laugh at that. “Oh my god, Zuku.”

“I mean, does it count as haunting if I can only haunt one person?” Izuku wondered, tilting his head and making his thinking face.

“You could move shit.”

“Yeah, but only with you around. I don’t think it counts as haunting.”

“Okay, you didn’t haunt the house, you haunted me. Annoying little shit.”

Izuku smiled and laughed a bit. “Do Kirishima and Kaminari count?”

“I felt sufficiently haunted,” Kaminari said, raising his hand. Izuku giggled.

“I felt like a third wheel,” Kirishima said, grinning with raised eyebrows. Izuku laughed harder and Katsuki shot him an unmalicious glare.

“By the way, Kirishima, Kaminari,” Izuku said, “I’m sorry for making you keep this all a secret from your friends and stuff.”

Kirishima waved a hand. “Aw, man, it was no problem. It wasn’t our place to tell.”

“Just glad we could help you two,” Kaminari added, smiling. Izuku grinned and slipped a hand around Katsuki’s waist, to which Katsuki blushed lightly and leaned into him slightly.

The four of them suddenly noticed that their classmates hadn’t said anything. Katsuki huffed and pulled his phone out of his pocket, pulling up google and navigating through news sites and the Buzzfeed Unsolved videos that were apparently made about him and Izuku. He finally found a suitable article and pulled out of Izuku’s hold to plug his phone into the TV and project the article. Up came a news article with the headline YOUNG BOY FOUND DEAD IN NEIGHBORHOOD HOUSE, INVESTAGATION ONGOING. Under the headline was a photo of the old grey house, surrounded by caution tape. Katsuki took in a sharp breath seeing it so big and glanced back at Izuku, who looked sobered but stable.

Katsuki scrolled down the article on his phone to see the first paragraph.

“A young boy by the first name of Izuku – last name redacted for privacy – was found dead last night in Mustafa’s famed haunted house,” Katsuki read out loud. “Izuku was 10 years old and was found with one of his friends, another 10-year-old boy. The other boy’s condition is unknown at present time, though neighbors reported-” Katsuki stuttered into the silence as he read the rest of the sentence, flashback flooding through his head. He took a deep breath and shoved them back. “-though neighbors reported seeing him being dragged out of the house by police officers, kicking and screaming. The neighbors also said he looked–he looked bloodied and seemed to be screaming about…monsters.”

Katsuki stopped, unable to read more, and looked over to see how Izuku was doing. He was staring at the TV blankly, but there was still light behind his eyes, so he turned back to his phone and scrolled through the article, looking for anything else important. But the rest of it was about the shady history of the house. He put his phone down and looked back at his classmates.

“You fucking believe us yet,” he said, not really a question. Suddenly, Izuku pushed through the group of classmates and wrapped his arms around Katsuki, engulfing him in a familiar embrace. Katsuki stiffened at the sudden touch, then melted into it, breathing in the warm, minty smell of Izuku and hugging him back.

He leaned back from Izuku’s chest and looked him in the eyes. “It wasn’t your fault,” he said, knowing it’s what Izuku was thinking.

“I-” Izuku sighed. “I know that…but I just…I still wish it could’ve been different.”

Katsuki reached up to kiss the tip of his nose, something he never would’ve done in front of their friends in any other circumstances. “I think it all worked out okay in the end, nerd.”

“Yeah, okay.” Izuku pressed their foreheads together.

“Hey, dudes,” Kirishima’s voice said quietly from behind Katsuki. “Can the rest of the class come over? They want to talk.”

Katsuki growled and Izuku smiled at him. “C’mon, they won’t be that bad.”

Katsuki let Izuku out of his grip. “If they give you a panic attack again, I’m going to blast them out of the fucking dorms.”

“I know, and they know, so they won’t,” Izuku said, turning him around. The rest of their class had gathered in front of the TV. Uraraka stepped forward.

“Izuku, Bakugou, we wanted to say that we’re sorry for not believing you. And we’re sorry for being rude.”

“Especially me. I wan unaware of the impact of my words,” Todoroki said, bowing. “I’m sorry, Midoriya and Bakugou.”

Izuku looked down at his friend, almost nervously. “It’s okay, please don’t do that. I know it’s not exactly believable.”

Uraraka bowed. “No, you are our friend, we shouldn’t have doubted. Especially about something so important and personal.” She straightened up, tears in her eyes. “Izuku, can I hug you now?”

Izuku smiled, crying too, and put his arms out. “Group hug, please?”

Katsuki jolted to attention. “Wait-” but he was too late and was soon crushed into his boyfriend by their 18 classmates embracing them in a huge hug. Izuku was held mainly by Uraraka, Iida, Tsuyu, Shinso, and Todoroki, while Kirishima, Kaminari, Ashido, and Sero latched on to Katsuki from all sides. He was trapped. “Gah! No, I didn’t agree to this shit!”

“Aw, only the boyfriend gets hugging privileges?” Mina said, still holding onto Katsuki’s shoulders.

“Yes, now fuck off.”

“Nope,” Kaminari said, “The boyfriend lent us the hugging privileges.”

Katsuki growled but his arms were pinned to his sides by the grips of way too many people. He finally gave up and just stood in place as everyone around him got their stupid feelings over with. When he glanced over at Izuku, he was crying and smiling, encircled by his friends. Katsuki felt his heart melt at the sight, and then Izuku looked up and met his eyes. He was once again struck by the vibrant emerald green.

“I love you,” Izuku mouthed silently.

Katsuki rolled his eyes and smiled, his own version of a silent ‘I love you’.

I love you.