Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“no ray, please. don’t be a dick!” you pleaded. “you’re being unreasonable! you’re literally my brother!”

“ah, no. stepbrother, idiot. and no. when i moved to the city i had to find my own place and dad barely did anything to help me! you’re the spoiled one with rent help!” he retaliated, ignoring the way you were following him around his apartment.

“ray! what the fuck! just let me stay here for a little bit don’t be stupid! your little angel sister is moving to the big bad new york city, cmon!” you pleaded again, frustration growing in your stomach.

“y/n. no! you’re lucky i even found you a roommate AND a side job at the cafe! i was thrown into the gutter here.” he continued making his coffee. “seriously, love you, but this is new york, this is the real fucking world!”

“ray don’t act like some high and mighty native new yorker! you’re a fucking poser!” you retorted, making yourself laugh. he couldn’t help but chuckle. “and im not sure i want to room with one of your friends. you’re fucking weird sometimes, and i cant imagine what your acquaintances are like.”

“hey, no no no adam is a good guy. he’s like some actor who reads books, you live for that shit.” he insisted. you sighed, everything he was saying was true, he really was giving you an advantage in your first days officially living in the city. you had a job in his anti-hipster cafe and had a seemingly okay future roommate.

“okay, fine. but i’ll fucking kill you if he’s a perv!” you cursed, only making him laugh. his lack of reassurance however made you suspicious. maybe the adam guy will at least be cute.

——

after lodging in ray’s apartment for 2 days to ensure all of your belongings arrived from the move, you were honestly quite exhausted. you didn’t do much, only sat around, did cafe training, or went out to sightsee alone, but you were excited for your new life in the city. maybe you’d even be able to meet cute guys at your new job.

interrupting your excited thoughts, ray loudly entered his apartment after his shift “hey asshole you wanna go get drunk to celebrate?” he shouted. you were even sure of the exact thing you two were celebrating but you rushed to his bathroom to get ready while he probably pregamed in his kitchen.

once you were ready in an outfit that made you feel incredibly hot, you grabbed your purse and left with your brother.

in the short walk there you asked him about his friends and what they were like. he usually didn’t care for you to meet his friends when you would visit years before, but now that you were here, what’s his was yours.

with a sigh, he began, “well, there’s adam. he’s like my best friend i think? i don’t really know. wait no actually charlie’s my best friend, you remember him. then there’s a bunch of fucking girls i met via adam who are all a fucking handful. they’re all insane, seriously.” you laughed in response, taking in all the information.

out of curiosity as well as possible interest, you asked, “so adam knows a lot of girls? is that gonna be something for me to deal with a lot?” the thought of rooming with someone who had a girl over every night made your stomach turn.

“uhhh” ray stammered, walking quickly into the bar.

you huffed, following after him then diverting straight to the bar. you definitely needed a drink if you were going to meet his friends right now. you enjoyed the flirty eyes the blonde bartender was giving you right now, your cheeks began to flush as your ego boosted just a bit. maybe New York men weren’t awful.

still, nerves persisted in the bottom of your stomach, making you down your drink much faster than you intended to. you swayed lightly to the music playing, feeling your hair flow around your head.

in the middle of your next drink, you felt much lighter. “i love your earrings” you said to the girl waiting for a drink next to you. she seemed oddly startled by this, like a jumpy chipmunk.

meanwhile, adam sackler himself could not take his eyes off of you. he completely disregarded everything ray was saying to him. he was entranced by you; he monitored your every moment and felt his stomach flip at your smile. he groaned lightly, not knowing the last time he’s felt like this.

“adam, you cunt. are you hearing me? my fucking band has a gig next week you can’t miss it like last time.” he cursed, trying to follow his friend’s line of sight.

directly to you.

“no no no, who the fuck are you looking at? it better not be that girl” ray pointed over at you. you were completely oblivious, sipping on your drink.

adam straightened his posture, towering over ray a bit. “and so fucking what if I am? you got dibs?” adam snapped back, switching between staring at you and looking down at ray.

“you’re a disgusting idiot! that’s my fucking sister!” ray panicked a bit, he didn’t like the idea of adam liking you at all. before he could even give a thought to taking away the rooming suggestion between you two, adam cut him off.

“nooo fucking wayyyy. you did NOT tell me your little sister was that fucking... hot.” adam was in awe; how could you and ray even be related?

ray shoved adam at this comment, making adam giggle loudly at his outburst.

“no talking about my little sister like that you asshole! you know what- she’s not rooming with you anymore. fuck!”

“no! no fucking way! no takebacks!” adam whined.

“yes fucking takebacks that’s my little sister!”

as the two continued arguing, you walked over to them with a smile on your face, the alcohol gave you just the right amount of confidence to get through the night.

“hi. hello,” adam said, staring down at you- you were even prettier up close and you smelled so fucking sweet. he shifted as his dick twitched in his pants.

“hi, you must be adam. I’m y/n” you were overwhelmed at the way he towered over you and even more by the way his eyes never left yours. ray was tense next to you two, watching everything closely.

“hi,” adam repeated. his face scrunched up in embarrassment. he felt like a stupid nervous 12 year old around you. much to his surprise, ray began explaining to you that adam will be your roommate, voice wavering with nerves, while you nodded, already knowing this information. you excused yourself to the bar, wanting to grab ray some water since he was acting so strangely.

“okay man. I’m fucking trusting you here. I don’t want some pervert or serial killer being her first roommate in the city. and I’m being serious when I say that you better not fucking be weird to her or hurt her. I’m trusting you; don’t let anything bad happen to her” truthfully, adam wanted to laugh at ray’s speech; it was so amusing to see him so stern. but, he also couldn’t help but gulp with nerves. he would be living with you; he would always be near you.

“ray! do you think so lowly of me? I- oh fucker” adam cut himself off at the sight of you at the bar next to Hannah. he hoped she wasn’t talking about him. they only fucked for a couple of months before she suddenly got a boyfriend- probably to make him jealous- and he was so tired of her shit that he just called it quits. “why the fuck are they here?”

“i invited them! y/n needs some girl friends in the city” ray defended himself, although he now realized that they probably aren’t the best people to be around. he’ll just keep you at arm’s length away from them.

the 2 men heard gasps coming from your area before you were being dragged towards them by Hannah.

“hello adam,” she deadpanned, ”RAY! when you invited us here I didn’t think it was because you were bringing me a friend!” Hannah squealed while you looked mildly uncomfortable. adam’s mouth went dry at the sight of you two together. “your sister is so fucking cute! I truly don’t see how you two are related!”

you giggled at this before you were suddenly being dragged away to meet the rest of her girlfriends, one of which, Shoshanna, you had actually just met at the bar.

adam eyed you still, wanting to make sure the girls weren’t being too obnoxious- they were- but you seemed comfortable, giddy even. his stomach filled with butterflies seeing you so happy. at that moment, he vowed to himself that he would make your move to New York so insanely fun and exciting just so he could see you smile and laugh just as you are now

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“oh holy shit!” Ray exclaimed at the sight before him. you all had just arrived at adam’s- and now yours - apartment and it was surprisingly clean. ray of course hoped that he cleaned before you arrived but this was impressive- it looked actually livable.

adam widened his eyes at that remark and escorted you inside, not wanting you to question ray’s exasperation. this left ray to huff and mumble curses under his breath as he was left to bring all of your boxes from downstairs.

“uh fuck, okay,” adam felt nervous, this was his first time actually being alone with you. and here you were, looking up at him with wide, expectant, and excited eyes. he stared down at you, breathless for a moment before he began his tour of the apartment. “okay so this is the living area, and that’s the kitchen- i hope you can cook, I can’t for shit. I can make us really good snacks though and-“

you cut him off quickly, admiring his bookshelf, “you have a lot of books, adam.”

he gulped at the way you so casually said his name, like it didn’t make him want to pick you up and kiss you with his whole being. “yeah, I-I like to read. a lot. and you can borrow anything you want- what’s mine is yours now, kid”

your head turned quickly to him at that nickname. adam fought the smile that attempted to spread over his face when he noticed the blush in your cheeks. “you know I’m only a few years younger than you, kid.” you teased, enjoying the way his eyes widened a bit as he turned his lips into one another, something that looked like a nervous habit. “did you make this?” you questioned, fingers digging into the A.S. engraving on the side of the bookshelf.

“I did,” he replied immediately, baritone voice nearly echoing in the apartment.

“it’s amazing, I love it.” you were in awe, trailing your fingers along all of the edges of the shelf.

“I can make you one! I-I mean if you want. whatever you’d like- I’ll do it for you,” he stammered so quickly, almost embarrassed at himself for being so eager. but, the big smile and even deeper blush that you met him with was enough to make his chest tighten. “anyways, uhm. this is my room and yours is right next to it, and that’s the bathroom. but you can have my room if you want! it’s a bit bigger you might like it.” god! it was like he was throwing himself at you! doing anything to please you! he cringed as the words left his mouth.

still, you simply smiled at him gratefully like the fucking angel you are, even closer to him as you stood in the doorway of your empty bedroom. “thank you adam, i love it.”

he nodded down at you, eyes scanning your face, he was so overwhelmed by your beauty he could stare at you for hours.

“okay you fuckers! that’s all the boxes thanks for the help. now c’mon y/n, you can move everything in later, you have a shift at grumpy’s in like five fucking minutes.” ray announced. you quickly left adam’s side, sighing at the thought of having to rush over to the cafe.

“bye adam! thank you! see you later!” you yelled from down the hallway.

ray studied the way that adam was just standing there, absolutely dumbfounded at your entire essence. “hey! no fucking ideas! that’s my little fucking sister!”

adam’s usual collected demeanor returned, “calm the fuck down! I just think she’s pretty! she’s in good hands, ray.” adam insisted. ray sighed before rushing to follow after you.

after an hour of being at the cafe, you sighed loudly hoping it would get your step brothers attention. he only returned you attempts with annoyed looks. you continued you dramatics until, “god! what do you want?”

“ray this is so boring, the cafe is basically empty,”

“okay? that happens when you have a fucking job” he sassed back.

after a minute or two of staring each other down, the bell at the door signaled that someone had entered.

“jesus christ no please” ray muttered under his breath as Hannah walked up to your spot at the cash register with a smile on her face.

“hi ray! hi y/n! so i see that you guys are empty as always, so i was wondering if i could steal y/n for a while?” she questioned with an annoying bat of her eyes.

ray looked over at the puppy dog eyes you were giving him and sighed, “at least go sit at one of the tables outside. and don’t be annoying you, you’ll scare the fucking costumers away.”

you and Hannah smiled eagerly as you hopped over the counter and rushed outside.

——

after nearly half an hour of talking about childhood, college, and New York, Hannah asked you an especially spicy question.

“so, have any hot men caught your eye?” she asked with a smirk in her face.

“uhmmm” you started, unsure if you wanted to officially declare your interest in Sackler.

either way, she cut you off before you had the chance. “well, if i can teach you anything as my sort of new little sister- i’m an only child did I mention that already?- anyways, don’t fucking chase a guy! okay? like i’m dead serious I’m pretty sure my next essay will just be me having to give advice to all the little sisters out there.”

you huffed, she was quite the character. “and where does this advice stem from?” you asked, eager to know more about this guy.

“okay, funny story, you actually met him! ray’s friend adam? adam sackler. yeah he’s a fucking pervert.” she announced, making your stomach drop. you suddenly felt queasy.

“a p-pervert?”

“well, I mean like not literally. he was just so shitty to me! like it was pathetic! we sort of had a lot of sex when we first met. like a lot. and he only, like, sometimes made me come. and he’d made me roleplay really weird shit- like he was supposed to be my basketball coach or some shit! but like i started getting so sick of his like literal abuse an-“

“abuse?!” you gasped, you could puke right now.

“no! not literally, not really. he did like grab my stomach though one time and talked about my fat- like we fucking get it you’re skinny and built like a Greek god. anyways yeah he was so shitty and super possessive and a sex addict so i got with another guy to make him jealous. he went psycho killer crazy and like broke a vase that used to be Marnie’s and then never spoke to me again.”

you were in awe. you couldn’t believe it- the sweet, cute boy who you just spoke to hours ago was a possessive sex addict? you really hoped there was some dramatization on her part because you couldn’t stomach the thought of living with someone like that. your mouth was dry as you stared back at Hannah, not knowing what to say.

“anyways, who was your first kiss? or like worst hookup? I once got with a guy who was a literal hoarder” Hannah continued for another 25 minutes while you pretended to listen, you weren’t sure you could ever look at adam the same and you never really knew him in the first place!

——

you were once again at the bar with ray, waiting for charlie to come so that they could play a couple songs. you were leaned against the counter, trying not to laugh at the way ray was failing to woo the girl next to him. as you sipped on your drink, you nearly choked on it whenever you turned to your left and saw adam making his way towards you, adorable ears peeking out from under his shaggy hair. it made sense that ray invited him, but you were still upset although he also didn’t know anything about the conversation you had with Hannah and your new apprehensions about moving in with adam- it was much too late now, all your belongings were there.

you hurriedly turned the other way and rushed to the opposite side of the bar to hide in the bathroom.

meanwhile, adam’s heart sunk at the clear way you were trying to avoid him. he cleared his throat and ordered a water before pulling ray away from a disinterested girl. ray’s complaints distracted him from the twinge in his heart- why were you avoiding him? did he do something wrong- scare you away? fuck.

ray’s whining soon stopped when charlie walked through the door along with Marnie, Hannah, Shoshanna, and Jessa following behind. he cursed charlie in his mind for bringing them.

after a few minutes of awkward greetings, ray and charlie began setting up on stage and grabbing everyone’s attention. adam spotted you quickly, you were on the right side of the stage, smiling proudly up at ray who was mid testing. he quickly made his way over to you.

“hi” his deep voice echoed in your ear, startling you for a moment.

“oh, hi.” you replied plainly, feeling slightly uncomfortable. adam frowned.

“uh, have you ever seen them play? they’re actually not bad” adam tried his best to make conversation with you.

“no, actually. ray did use to sing a lot when we were younger” you chuckled a bit at the memory.

“yeah? his singing actually isn’t shit- he’s way better at it than the fucking tambourine” adam replied, making you laugh loudly. a twinge of defeat went through you when you realized that you were supposed to be avoiding him. but looking up at him and his goofy smile made you swoon. fuck.

adam continued making you laugh up until ray and charlie began playing. you both nodded your heads and swayed to the beats, enjoying the odd but nice music. you blushed at how close adam was to you now, your arms occasionally grazing each other’s.

their second song was a much more upbeat one that had the crowd jumping and dancing. you’ve completely forgotten about your grudge and when you looked over to see adam offering one of his large hands to you, you eagerly accepted.

you two smiled as he spun you and twirled you around. the strange dances he did as he grabbed your arms to force you to do the same made you both laugh loudly, enjoying each other’s company so much. it felt like it was just you two when he picked you up over his shoulder and spun wildly, your shrieks and his laughter almost overpowering the music. he put you down and stared down at you- you were both breathless and beaming as the song came to a close.

“you’re a great fucking dancer- so pretty” adam blurted out, making you blush.

suddenly, he was being pulled around by his arm.

Hannah.

“adam, I-I really fucking miss you.” she basically moaned.

he recoiled in disgust.

“no. no fucking way Hannah. fuck off” he cursed.

and in a moment, it all happened so quickly, but he was stepping towards you and pulling you up to meet him in a kiss.

Chapter Text

you instantly recoil and shriek in shock, pushing at his broad chest as hard as you could. you looked up at him with pure anger in your eyes- you were truly offended. you were not some sort of toy for him to use to get out of an uncomfortable situations.

“what the fuck?!” you basically screeched at him, pushing on his chest one more time before rushing out of the crowd.

adam was stunned, he didn’t know what compelled him to do that. he barely knew you and decided to do that shit?! he was sick to his stomach. he turned around to see Hannah’s shocked yet pleased face then rushed to go after you.

luckily, ray was completely oblivious to what just happened- his eyes were closed and lips pursed as he shook the tambourine and nodded his head to the beat.

once he was outside of the bar, adam was able to spot you about a block away, speed walking as fast as you could. he sighed, he knew you needed space. he basically jumped you in public but so badly wanted to explain himself and apologize. you probably didn’t want to see him.

he let out a string of curse words before turning the opposite way from your direction and finding another bar. he prided himself on his sobriety, but holy fuck he needed a drink. he almost didn’t think twice as the drink he ordered was set in front of him. but no, he didn’t deserve to get drunk or buzzed or anything- he knew he should sit with what happened and bask in his mistake.

meanwhile, you were still walking, heart beating insanely fast. you soon realized the key in your pocket wasn’t for where you wished to find solace- ray’s apartment. it was to your very brand new apartment. fuck.

angry tears were streaming down your face by the time you reached the apartment. it looked the same as how you left it earlier, but there were now a stack of books outside your closed bedroom door. your brows furrowed, adam definitely didn’t get here before you did right now...

you tried to fight the fluttering feeling you had in your stomach at the thought of adam, only a couple hours ago, handpicking about 7 books just for you. probably nervous or excited for your reaction to them as he sets them down in front of your door and leaves for the bar.

still, you opened your bedroom door and stepped over the pile, not sparing a second glance when the sound of them toppling over echoed.

you sighed at the sight before you, all of your belongings in boxes or suitcases stacked and thrown around your bedroom. you couldn’t even find comfort here. your bed didn’t even have sheets!

your resorted to digging through a suitcase for your bulky bright purple headphones to blast music and clean as a stimulating distraction.

despite your efforts, adam, Hannah’s rumors, and both of their actions plagued your mind. you suddenly felt extremely lonely. your first officially shitty day in New York. you’ve only been here a few days and homesickness spills through your veins. you hadn’t realized you paused your actions until your playlist ended and you were left in complete silence.

minutes passed ,maybe even half an hour of you taking in everything, when the sound of the apartment door opening and closed made your throat tighten.

adam stood still. he stared at your closed door, wondering, hoping that you were in there. that you would talk to him. but a few feet down, the pile of fallen books answered his questioned and brought involuntary tears to his eyes. he hadn’t cried in a while. before this, he thought his life was actually quite nice. he was booking acting gigs left and right and couldn’t find an ounce of himself that missed Hannah.

fucking Hannah. he was enraged at the thought of her. she ruined an incredibly exciting thing in his life. he barely knew you but was infatuated by you. he was giddy- fucking giddy!- around you. he never felt that way around Hannah, even when real feelings began to spark.

he wiped his eyes, now feeling more frustrated than sad. he just needed to talk to you. he breathed heavily, gaining confidence as he picked the books up and brought the stack over to the kitchen counter instead.

he knocked twice on your door, then a third time. he hoped so deeply that you weren’t ignoring him. he opened the door anyways, even though you never shouted out. you were looking at him as soon as he opened the door. his heart picked up.

he waved hello at you, wondering if you were playing music. you weren’t and you didn’t wave back.

you just sat there on the floor in front of a suitcase, waiting for him to speak first and wondering if he could notice the redness in your eyes. you bit the inside of your cheek when you noticed the redness in his and the apprehensive quivering of his bottom lip.

“i” he started, shutting his mouth abruptly when he realized he didn’t know exactly what to say.

you raised your eyebrows, waiting for him to continue. you looked annoyed and the situation just got immensely more intimidating for him.

“how did you get in? I-I still have your copy of the key.” he stuttered.

you couldn’t help but roll your eyes in response. that’s it? that’s all he had to say right now. your mouth felt suddenly dry when you realized your overall opinion on him was beginning to change. certainly, your first impressions were- well,- impressed. he was... beautiful. literally beautiful. you’d never seen anyone like him. from his sculpted jawline and cheek bones to his soft lips and goofy smile. he was nearly indescribable. and his essence- his personality, it left you with even less words. he was so intimidating and sexy yet extremely fun and playful. it was hard to stop staring every time your eyes fell on him.

and now, you were still staring as he basically trembled under your gaze. “s-sorry. i remember now that ray made you one.”

you only nodded your head and continued fumbling with your belongings, not even paying attention to the fact that you were repeatedly wrapping your hair straightener in its own cord when you were previously trying to untangle it.

you hadn’t even said a word but he felt like he was shaking. a grown man- an experienced man who was confident and almost always sure of himself- shaking in your presence.

“i-i came to talk to you.” he began. he fiddled with his fingers as his stomach turned and his palms began to sweat. nearly a minute passed of you just staring at him, watching him cower under your gaze.

you honestly felt bad for him at this moment- the once confident, brooding man was diminished to a shy boy. he even looked kind of cute like this. fuck, you cursed your thoughts. it’s good that he’s ashamed, but couldn’t he have thought about his consequences. he’s probably just another sleazy man who think women fall to their knees when a man uses them as a diversion the way he did. but no, you’re more than that and you will not be used. suddenly, every bad thing that ray and hannah have said about adam clouded your thoughts.

you didn’t even realize you were speaking- snapping back at him before it was too late. “are you gonna fucking stand there acting sorry or say something?”

his eyes snapped up to yours and his brow furrowed at this. you looked... angry...annoyed. he knew you had the right to be.

but still, the attitude. suddenly his skin was heating up with anger as well. his short temper was getting the best of him at this moment. he felt too defensive too quickly.

“acting sorry? who the fuck said i’m fucking sorry?” he argued, neck veins popping out with exertion.

you were shocked at his reaction, you didn’t expect this at all. but you tried your best not to show it. instead, you quipped back. “oh yeah? then why are you shaking like a fucking dog in front of me?”

his fists clenched. he couldn’t believe you right now. he couldn’t believe himself either. he was supposed to be apologizing and winning you back but now he was just furious.

“oh fuck you! you fucking wish you had power over me like that!” lie, fucking lie, he thought in his head. if he wasn’t so worked up, he would have been on his knees for you by now.

“oh you’re so right, adam. please, oh please apologize to me,adam. fucking bow down to me, adam.” you fake-begged.

“oh what a fucking slut!”

your eyebrows shot up immediately. you see, this is what you don’t tolerate. you can take a curse word or two... but slut shaming, name calling.... fuck no. you inhaled, ready to scream at him before he cut you off.

“you know what! a lot of fucking girls would have loved that shit! to be kissed like that! they would have loved that fucking movie moment shit but you’re a prude! yeah, that’s what you are -a fucking prude- fucking bitch.” he screamed, lowering to yell down at you.

you threw a medium-sized shampoo bottler at him, overwhelmed with emotion. this was not at all what you were expected from him today. but maybe hannah was right- maybe he was psycho.

he growled as the bottle hit him square in the chest. he quickly looked around for something to smash. his eyes landed on a tiny wooden jewelry box on the top of your dresser.

“n-“ you tried to protest but it was too late, he had already thrown it across the room, the wood breaking and splintering against the wall.

he chest heaved, he was blinded by his anger. he hadn’t been like this since- well, hannah. but hannah was so much worse. you were so different. why was this happening? he felt like he could fucking puke.

“get the fuck out”

“wh-“ he began, his mind racing over the moments that just passed. fuck, fuck, fuck. he was supposed to make things better.

“GET THE FUCK OUT ADAM!” you yelled, making him flinch in response.

he cursed under his breath before, turning and slamming the door. he huffed and huffed on the other side.

meanwhile, your eyes stung with tears. you were filled with anger, hurt, and frustration. not to mention the pit in your stomach as you pictured your broken jewelry box, shattered on the other side of the room. you were miserable. you’ve barely moved in and you can’t stand him.

adam’s head began to spin as he leaned against the door still, thinking about every thing that just happened. his body tensed up at the sound of your quiet sobs.

his throat tightened up as tears threatened to fall as well.

he was so overcome with guilt and pain.

he rushed to the bathroom to try to slow his breathing, eyeing the mug on the bathroom sink that had never been there before.

it held his toothbrush and it was fucking corny, he knew you had to have put it there. it had a picture of a piece of wood holding a hammer, talking to another piece of wood holding a chainsaw. the text bubble above the first piece of wood said “wood you cut it out?”

he puked in the toilet then, tears falling down his face.

Chapter Text

hi guys are u still there?
the holidays always make me want to write again so if anyones out there I might want to update (;

Chapter Text

An obnoxious vibration buzzed next to Adam’s head, waking him up. He groaned but this only made him realize how much his head throbbed. He raised his face from his pillow, realizing it was sticky with his dried tears.

“Hello?” he grumbled into his phone, his voice deeper than usual.

“Yeah what the fuck did you do to my little sister huh? You fucking piece of shit I know it was something you did!” Ray’s voice screamed over the line.

Adam’s stomach twisted - he now remembered why his head throbbed and why his face was sticky. Fuck.

“How did you know?” He asked, feeling ashamed.

“So it was you! You fucking prick!” Ray cursed. Adam could imagine how he looked right now, veins bulging and face red, he could almost laugh if he didn’t feel like an absolute asshole.

Adam simply groaned over the phone, not really knowing what to say.

“She came to my fucking apartment this morning. With a bag and everything. She wants out of there.” Ray said. Adam’s stomach dropped immediately. His mouth went dry as his mind tried to process what the fuck was happening.

He really fucked up.

“I - I “ Adam stuttered.

“I - I, fuck you Adam!” Ray mocked him, hanging up the phone.

Adam stayed in bed for hours after that. It was Sunday, he usually went out and ran a couple miles on Sundays. He couldn’t bother to, he felt awful.

—
You continued to avoid Ray’s questions. He hasn’t stopped since you arrived an hour ago. All the information you gave him was that you were moving into his apartment now.

“Why are you here? What did Adam do? Why the fuck are you here?”

He didn’t stop until you laid face down on his couch.

“Y/n, what did Adam do?” He asked, much more calmly.

You looked up at him and shrugged.

“Cmon, tell me. I’ll fucking kill him if you tell me to. I’ve been needing an excuse to do it for a while.”

You laughed at this, finally budging.

So, you told him everything. All of it.

You studied Ray’s reactions the whole time, body heating up as the anger reignited within you.

Once you were done, Ray was pacing back and forth. “That fucking asshole! Disgusting prick! And Hannah, she’s so fucking weird. He didn’t have to do that to you!”

“I know” was all you said before falling asleep on the couch after not sleeping much last night.

Ray just sighed, leaving you be. He realized that this is a lot you were going through right now. New city, stranger roommate, stranger roommate kisses you in front of his ex. Stranger roommate screams at you and smashes your belongings. He was pissed, he made it for you whenever his dad married your mom. You were so young and confused, and sure, his dad made him do it, but whenever he saw the look on your 4 year old little face, he was excited to have a little sister.

He sighed, feeling so protective of you. He always has been, just not so openly. But Adam really crossed a line and he was in charge of you.

He looked over at you sleeping and sighed before quietly leaving to work at the cafe.

—
It was your third day over at Ray’s apartment, and frankly, he was getting sick of it. You made yourself comfortable, playing music loudly in the shower and putting on stupid chick flicks. Sharing a room with you for nearly half of his life was enough for him. But he couldn’t kick you out, he felt too bad.

So whenever you looked over at him in the middle of a movie and mentioned that you needed to get some ‘feminine products’ from your apartment with a grimace on your face, he was a bit relieved.

He was also nervous. He showed up at Adam’s door twice a day for the last 3 days, knocking loudly and cursing Adam out. He still never answered the door and Ray only left each time because Adam’s neighbor got pissed.

“Let’s go right now, I’ll walk you.” Ray said a bit too excitedly.

“No, I can go on my own, I’m a big girl, Ray”

He could almost scoff at this as if you hadn’t been living freely under his roof like a child.

He just nodded his head in response and said a quick “let me know if I need to beat him up for you” as you walked out the door.

—
You were nervous on the whole walk to the apartment, but the nerves really set in whenever you were just outside the door.

He was just on the other side. The man who called you a prude and a bitch and smashed your jewelry box. The man who sort of crushed your dreams and ruined your first week in New York.

You knocked, realizing you left your key in your room in your rush to leave that morning.

A groan was heard from the other side of the door with a “Ray, get the fuck away from me, I’m tired of your knocking and-“

The door swung open and Adam fell silent. You were there, looking up at him with your doe eyes. His breathing felt staggered.

“I need my things” you simply said, trying not to look down at his very shirtless body.

He didn’t budge, he was still looking down at you in shock. You rolled your eyes, pushing the door and walking past him.

He rushed after you, getting in your way before you could enter your room door. His chest was heaving. So was yours.

The apartment felt so cold yet warm. And extremely silent.

“Are you moving out?” He murmured down at you, hoping you couldn’t tell how nervous he was. But nervous was an understatement. He spent the last 3 days going absolutely crazy at the thought of you moving out. He wanted so much more time with you. He needed so much more time with you. It wasn’t supposed to be this way and he needed to reconcile things with you.

“No” you say quietly after a moment, it was almost a whisper.

“Why not?” He said, breathless. His chest was heaving even more now, he felt like he was on eggshells.

You sighed, pushing past him and repeating yourself. “I need my things.”

He watched you go into your room and stuff random things into a bag.

“Are you moving out?” He repeated, he felt like a stupid puppy, hanging onto any word you gave him.

You huffed, looking up at him before continuing you pack your things.

He stood there silently, racking his brain on what to say. He knew what to say, he knew how to apologize. He just couldn’t do it. God, he was so fucking stubborn. He just wasn’t used to it. All he’s known was toxic. Toxic relationships, toxic friendships. Fights always ended with him losing the person or them both pretending it never happened. He couldn’t do that to you.

You walked past him again, going towards the door now.

In a panic, he blurted out “I - I’m sorry!”

You stopped in your tracks, turning around to observe his frazzled state.

His eyes were wide and desperate, his hands bunched in fists as he stood up straight, almost leaning forwards, towards you.

He felt like he was fucking on fire. You were looking at him like you were expecting something - you were expecting something and he knew it. Why couldn’t he give it to you?

He just hated that look. All his past girlfriends gave him that look when they knew he was in the wrong. It felt so incriminating. He rarely feels little, but that look makes him want to cry.

“I - I… Uhm” he stood there, mouth dry.

You were disappointed. All you wanted was an apology. Anything. You hoped - knew - that he didn’t mean the harsh words he said to you, you just needed to hear it. You needed to know he respected you. That he regretted it. That he felt bad. Something.

He walked closer to you, stopping just a foot away.

“I… Did you forget anything else?” He questioned, gesturing to your bag.

You sighed, heart breaking a little as you turned and left.

He heard it all in his head as he watched you go. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. I don’t know why I did it. You are not a toy. A prude. A bitch. I’m so fucking sorry.

But he said none of it.