Chapter 1: February 12th
Chapter Text
Liz sighed noticing the infinite amount of glitter spread all over the kitchen table. Not having any coffee left in the house did not help with the situation. She quickly grabbed the cereal box from the top shelf and, again, rolled her eyes for what had to be, probably, the 50th time that morning.
“Honey, did you pick up this from the grocery store?”, she showed the box to Agnes trying to understand why they now have something called “Lovey Dovey Breakfast Oats”.
“Rosa did. We couldn’t find the ones you like”, answered the little girl from across the room.
“Well... these have mostly sugar hearts in it, baby. I don’t think it’s the best choice for me or you. Nice outfit…”, Liz was trying not to judge her daughter’s obsession for pink.
“For Valentines! See, it has little hearts on it”, Agnes said proudly.
“You know Valentines is in 2 days, right?”
“It’s Valentine’s week!”
“Sadly, yes…”, Liz reply was mostly for herself. She contemplated again the mess and felt happy happy when a knock at the door to interrupted her.
Fortunately for Liz’s eyes, Scottie was wearing her usual black fit, glamorous and gorgeous attire. The elegant woman was also caring a cup of Starbucks venti latte that she immediately handed over to her former daughter-in-law. This small gesture always touched Liz. If it was morning, Scottie was bringing in coffee. If it was evening time, she always had a bottle of nice wine to offer. A small token of her gratitude, as she always said. And Liz didn’t complaint at all. Mostly because she usually run out of coffee and she loved her end-of-day glass of wine. And that was good wine, the kind she’d not afford quite often from her government employee income.
While Agnes was gathering her things for school, Liz packed the overnight bag for her making sure she has enough clothes.
“She’s quite excited for this party you’re throwing. I asked her not to push for the bed hour, especially since it’s still school night, but you can let her stay awake until 10 – at the very latest.”
“Don’t worry about it, I am sure she will be asleep by 9.30. You know you can join us! George and I are happy to have you there…”
“That’s very kind, but I am swamped at work these days. In fact, I am planning on pulling some extra hours at the office, taking advantage that Agnes is at your place. But – I do have an anniversary gift for you and George”, Liz said.
No, she really didn’t want to attend that party . Scottie’s social gathering were not her thing. Not to mention this was a wedding anniversary wrapped up as a Valentines party. Adding the fact that there were ONLY upper-class couples made her twitch. She’d rather eat tacos on the sofa, wearing her old sweatpants, and bitch with Aram about their lack of love and magic during this February 14th.
“You shouldn’t have bought us anything, Elizabeth.”
“It’s not a big deal, but it’s from me and Agnes and it comes from our hearts. Well, Agnes might have an additional surprise for you two, I will not ruin it for her”, Liz walked to the bedroom to bring a grey shopping bag covered with a huge, green ribbon. She wrapped it up herself, refusing to let the sales girl do it as they only had the Valentines special ribbons.
“It’s a picture frame dressed in burgundy leather because 3 years of marriage means… leather. And the picture is from the Cancun vacation you took with Agnes and George. The three of you looking all tan and happy! She loved being with you there, she still talks about it.” Liz really hoped she didn’t sound jealous because she was. Agnes' inherited her grandmother's for exotic vacations.
“Oh, this is very beautiful! I really appreciate it. It will go so well on our night stand!”, Scottie was looking at the photography caressing it, almost lost in the moment. “It was our first holiday, the three of us.” Her voice was trembling, so Liz felt like changing the tone of the conversation. So, she started to make fun of all the Valentines’ related things she continued to stumble upon everywhere she went.
**
“I said both… All kinds, actually. Look – are you coming or not?”
Park and Aram were debating something in the war room when Liz got out of the elevator.
“Agent Keen, you should come too!”, Alina called her over.
Definitely not enough coffee for this level of blabbing, Liz thought. At least, there weren’t any pink heart shaped balloons anywhere around the office like in the past years.
“What are you guys talking about?"
“A party with lots of drinking”, Aram said throwing a glance at her. He surely changed. In the past years, he would have been all about candies and candles.
“Valentines? No, thanks”, Liz’s reply came in a nanosecond.
She placed her bag on a chair crossing her fingers there would be any other topic that can take her mind out of this stupid holiday and of the fact that the only person she would actually want to spend some time with was nowhere to be seen.
“It’s an Anti-Valentines party, we do it every year on the 12th to give us more time to deal with the social pressure of not having a special someone on the 14th. It’s like a support group, but it’s mostly about drinking”, Park continued the discussion Liz really didn't want to be a part of.
“Well.. under the circumstances, it doesn’t sound that bad”, Aram had to agree. After all, he was not the luckiest man alive when it came of love and relationships.
“Agent Keen, you’re single! You have to come!”, the enthusiasm in Park’s voice made Liz flinch. But the cherry on top was Ressler approaching them at the exact same time as these words innocently came out of their colleague’s mouth.
Park's eyes moved to Ressler.
“He won’t come, don't even bother asking him. He has plans with that lady lawyer he has been seeing lately”, Aram said.
Liz felt her stomach rolling. Damn “Lovey Dovey Breakfast Oats”. Damn Ressler. Damn her stupid heart. Damn everything. She swallowed and took her phone out of the pocket to make herself busy.
“Cooper told me Reddington will be here shortly with a case”, were the only words Ressler spoke. His voice was detached and didn’t leave any space for comments. Without even looking directly at them, he went towards his and Liz's office. Park and Aram silently returned to their own stations.
As it happened for a while now, Liz didn’t feel like joining Ressler. She told herself she'd feel more comfortable in the War Room than facing the arctic cold in their office. Avoiding Donald was still the best way to deal with things and considering Reddington would arrive shortly, she needed any ounce of energy to deal with whatever comes her way.
“Truth is I could use a drink and Agnes is at her grandmother’s…” Liz surprised herself with the epiphany.
“Then you have to come! It’s gonna be fun, believe me!”
**
Minutes later, Reddington showed up caring some boxes of chocolates – heart shaped, of course - while Dembe’s arms were busy with a stuffed toy: a plush Labrador as big as a real dog.
“Not you too…”, Liz exasperation could not be hidden.
“Elizabeth, be serious. None of this is for you”, Reddington’s glacial tone didn’t surprise her too much. Somehow, she felt relieved.
Their relationship got to the point where the hate became manageable. Weeks back she would have killed him, but was brought to the realization that his death means no answers at all. It would even throw more confusion in her direction as many things were still kept away from her knowledge. So she decided to just leave it be and cut any personal ties with the man with hat. Cooper forced her to come back to work with the promise that he’ll personally get the truth from Red. That was a promise quite difficult to be kept, but Liz didn't feel like she had a choice. Not to mention that the agreement with the FBI and a few other complications following Katarina’s very complicated past and set of choices, didn't leave her any space for maneuvering. So, there she was...
She didn’t like the collaboration and she couldn’t stand even being in the same room as Reddington. But there was no other way. The feelings seemed mutual. Reddington would rather call Harold or even Ressler. Not her. She was demoted to simply being a member of the Task Force. One with a complicated past, tough.
Reddington offered a box of chocolates to Parkm surprising her. When Cooper joined a few moments later, he handed over to him another box.
“Godiva?”, he asked puzzled.
“Cynthia’s favorites. I can’t make it to the poker game tonight”.
“I’ll say it’s from you.”
“Uhmm.. so who gets the dog?”, Aram asked the thing everyone was wondering.
“Oh, that’s for one of our associates we will meet later.”
Ressler emerged from his office and, in his usual style, left aside the small talk:
“What do we have?”
“Donald, you look dashing. Did you change tailors?”, Red got closer to the ginger agent and started to analyze him.
Liz’s first instinct was to roll her eyes, but she agreed with Reddington. Ressler looked more handsome than usual. The grey suit was perfectly tailored for his body, his white shirt was impeccable and the colors of his tie, were very similar to the colors of his eyes. He was dressed to impress which proved to be successful. He was on everyone's radar. Liz knew it had to do with his new girlfriend, the lawyer Aram was referring to. Liz met her a couple of weeks back when they were handling a case as she was in Red's circle of associates, a flirty, tall blonde, very wealthy and resembling Amal Clooney in terms of wardrobe.
Liz felt a bit self-conscious at the memory of her; she was wearing black jeans and the only clean sweater she found in the dresser. She couldn’t even remember when she bought any of these. Was the sweater hers or Tom’s?
“Agent Keen?”, Cooper’s voice sounded as he was quite far away and under the water. Surprisingly, he was sitting next to Liz. This made her jump out of her skin.
“Sorry. Could you please repeat that?” She quickly took a sip of coffee hoping the others think she didn't sleep well. That seemed less embarassing.
However, seeing Ressler’s eyebrow raised at her from the other side of the desk made her come to the realization that Park's party might be the best plans she had in a long while
**
“Are these people even allowed to drink???”, Liz asked Aram as he welcomed her with 2 shots of tequila. He turned on one side so she can see the bottle strategically placed in his side pocket.
“Uhmm.. I hope so. Most of them are also fellow agents, Alina knows them from Quantico. Apparently, they were a crazy crew!”
Liz smiled and emptied the glass nodding to the bottle for another taste of their much liked poison.
“This is from Cooper.”
“What?!”
“He just left, he was here for like 20-30 mins. He brought two bottles of this and went to his poker game."
“You made it!!! That’s so great!!!”, Alina jumped and hugged Liz, a thing that felt very-very unusual.
“Yes, I am here and I love your house! So charming, so colorful!” In reality, what she wanted to say was that it was unlike the Park she knows from work.
After a few shots and some slices of pizza that apparently was brought by Dembe and Vante, Liz was hoping to feel more cheerful. But – damn it – she transformed herself into a sad drunk as her mind was going places. One of these places was, of course, Ressler. She was now wondering what his plans were, why was he so dressed and so handsome. Was he enjoying a date night with his lady lawyer? Maybe he was out at one of those boutique restaurants, with fine dining and very expensive champagne. He looked too good to just have a night in. No, no - that was not a thought to have. Night in usually means sex if you are anyone but a single mom, like Liz. So, no. She shook her head to get rid of the thought and emptied another shot.
“Why does love suck, Aram?”
“Tell me about it…”, Aram’s voice sounded dreadful
Liz took his hand and led him to the kitchen which seemed to be the only place they could sit around and chat. In the living room, lights were off and people were dancing on Arctic Monkeys. Liz really tried to avoid that part, especially since everyone around them seemed to be about 15 years younger.
“You’re not talking about Tom, am I right?”
Liz was surprised to hear Tom’s name out loud and the look on her face betrayed her. It’s been some years since his passing, she got used to the absence without any guilt and remorse. When it came to him, she didn’t think of a love that was lost or impossible because she fully lived it. It was a complicated one, but it was a love that took its course. Her heart learnt to accept it and she managed to properly heal since then.
“No, in general.. I am saying that…”
“No, Agent Keen.. Liz.. you’re talking about someone specific.”
“I.. don’t know what I’m talking about. You know how much of a mess my life is. A widow, a single mom – finding love has not been a priority and..”
Aram cut her off:
“No, love found you. You didn’t look for it. It just happened.”
“You know too much.” She didn't feel like arguing on this topic. He had been there all along.
“No, not when it comes of these things that have to do with love, the real love. Come on – please allow me not to recap my own messy love life and unhappy ending”, Aram took a beer from the fridge and returned to face Liz who was already regretting taking the discussion to that level.
“Ressler and you. It seems complicated."
“Tell me about it”, she smirked trying to imitate Don’s signature smile. She missed it. She missed him. Damn heart was nudging her on the inside.
“But what I don’t get is.. well, you seemed to be in a good place, what happened? Why the rupture?”
It hurt remembering something that was mainly her fault.
“I kissed him. He felt used, betrayed.”
“Huh?” Aram hesitated taking another sip. He was confused.
“It happened when my mother.. when Katarina and I took Dom from Reddington. I tried to convince him to help me, to give me more time. Kissing him then was a mistake.”
“But did you kiss him as a way to convince him to help you?”
“No.”
“Does he know that?”
“No.”
“Did you tell him?”
“No.”
“You have to speak with him.”
“What’s the point? After that, it became so complicated with everything, I avoided him. I just couldn’t bear the thought of…” Liz felt like the saddest drunk in the world.
“Liz, if it’s about that Rebecca…”
“No, it doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it does! She’s not even his type!”
Liz rasped.
“Who’s not his type?”, Park appear out of the sudden heading over to the fridge for a cold beer.
“Ressler’s lady friend”, Aram said without any intention of covering up the very sensitive topic. Surprisingly, Liz didn’t feel like changing the course of the discussion either. Even if Alina was not quite a friend, she has been around for long enough.
“Not his type at all, she’s so.. what’s the word for fancy?”
“Fancy?”
“She’s uptight, Harvard alumni, corporate shark lawyer working with Red's business partners – come on. I know Ressler even less than you two do”, Park stopped to take a sip from her bottle. “I’m sorry – but how could Ressler be in a relationship with a woman that only pays attention to keeping her shoes clean?”
“What?”, Aram burst into laughter.
“Yeah, she was angry the other day because it was raining and she had to wait 5 minutes for him to pick her up. Go inside the fucking restaurant… but no, the man has to open the door for her or something.”
“Are you serious? But you were on field yesterday looking for that DeMorano guy. That was not an easy mission”, Aram was surprised to find out that not the blacklister has been the headline for Ressler.
“Ressler nearly got shot and she was nagging him about her designer shoes. Lu Butin or something. I felt like slapping her and – guess what - he just left me there, asked me to uber to the post office because he needed the SUV to drive her home after dinner. Asshole!”
Liz knew saying something wouldn’t have been smart because it would have betrayed her heart. Her dumb heart that started to beat faster and faster as Park continued bitching about fancy lawyer Rebecca. Strangely enough, a few minutes later, when she was left alone with Aram, she had a huge smile on her face. Yes, Liz definitely enjoyed that outburst.
“He can be an asshole, she’s right”, Aram calmly said.
“How do you know about his type?”, her curiosity had to be fed.
“Well.. after Samar left, we went out a lot. Like a lot – a lot”, Aram said.
“How come I don’t know of this?”
“Because we are not… proud of it? There were pubs, bars, clubs – and there was always Ressler telling me about that woman and that woman, encouraging me to make a move, find someone. But yeah - most of the times we went home alone and drunk. The drinking was fun, yes”, Aram smirked at Liz. Liz smiled too as she was trying to imagine the two men drunk.
“He ended up with a few dates, but always said he doesn’t feel like it would go anywhere. Can I tell you something?”
Even if her intuition told her nopleasedontsayit, she nodded yes.
“You two became closer during that time, it was obvious even in the craziness the Post Office is. I think he was there, on the dating scene, just for my benefit. Yes, he has been an asshole lately, but I think it’s just his way of coping with something that is upsetting him badly”, Aram concluded.
“I’m the profiler, Aram. He is clearly angry with me, not with you or Park…”
A strange sound which proved to be Aram’s phone cut them off.
“Speaking of the devil…”, Aram showed the phone to Liz. Again, her heart behaved oddly.
“Why is he calling you at… 11:07 pm? Is it clubbing time?"
Aram answered his phone, as Liz was hoping her heart would calm down.
“Agent Ressler…Yes. No. I mean. No. Yes. No, no location yet when I left. Yes, I know.…”
Liz felt like an elephant was sitting on her chest. Damn heart.
“I don’t know. Let me check. Yes. She is here, party, yes.. uhmmm… Did you get that report from your contact at Mobile Psych Unit?
“Aaaa... oh, you are asking me! No, I don’t have it. It didn’t arrive when I left." Liz was completely taken by surprise. She started biting her lip, trying to decide if another glass will stabilize her pulse. She took the bottle from Aram’s pocket and poured her a glass, but didn’t feel like explaining herself.
“It didn’t arrive, she just said to me. Yes. Understood. Ok. Actually, no one here is… let’s say driving is not an option.”
Aram ended the discussion and eyed her.
“So he has a new lead and needs us at the office…”
Before she’d ask how it would be possible for them to get there considering the alcohol in their blood, Aram continued:
“He’s on his way here to drive us there…”
**
Liz and Aram were waiting outside hoping the cold air would sober them up, when Ressler arrived.
Aram’s instinct was to take the front seat and Liz felt grateful for that. She silently stood in the back looking over the side window and, from time to time, throwing curious glances at Ressler.
“Big party, huh?”, Ressler broke the silence after a few minutes of driving.
“Oh, lots of people. Fun crowd. Cooper’s tequila was very fun too!”
“Cooper is at Park’s?”
“No, he was there for just a little bit before some poker game he had to attend. He brought tequila and.. well, we enjoyed it.
“So everyone was there..”
“Basically, yes. Well, no. Mr. Reddington wasn’t, but he sent Dembe and Vante with pizza and some bottles.”
Liz smiled from the backseat seeing the surprise on Ressler's face.
“Haa! I still have it?”
“What?”
“The bottle is in my pocket! We have to finish this after we take care of whatever needs to be done”, Aram said.
Ressler smirked and now Liz couldn’t take her eyes from the rear view mirror in which, for a few seconds, Ressler's eyes were framed as in a photography.
Chapter 2: February 13th
Chapter Text
2.02 am.
What on Earth were they still doing at the Post Office? It was clear by now they couldn’t progress with anything they had and Ressler lead's proved to be a complete and annoying dead end. Liz felt frustrated with him. In the war room, Aram was doing his magic over digging into various data bases for what seemed to be a ghost or something from a parallel universe. She and Ressler were browsing through cold cases trying to find a similar scenario and identify some patterns. The report from the Mobile Psych Unit was also useless. What they needed was to go home and sleep. And eat. Why couldn’t have Aram also taken some of the pizza too?
Suddenly, she had an epiphany. She stood up from the desk, stretched her back and went to where Aram’s coat was hanging, pulled out the bottle and took a long sip.
It felt good.
Noticing Ressler and Aram were looking at her stunned, she innocently asked: “Do you want some?”
It took a few seconds for Aram to grab the bottle and follow the not so good example of drinking at work.
Ressler hesitated to do or say anything, but she didn’t care. He dragged them at work in the middle of the night for something that clearly could have been handled the next morning. She took back the bottle from Aram and took another stingy sip.
“What are you doing?”, she heard from across the table as she was letting the alcohol in.
She was ready to say a few things considering that the sad drunk from earlier on became quite a mean drunk, when he continued softly: “Pass it on, would you?…”
He smiled. She smiled. Probably, Aram was smiling too – but she didn’t want to look away from the handsome man who was waiting for his turn to experience the magic of that tequila bottle. So she went towards him and handed the bottle.
Ressler took a longer sip. He freed his neck from the tie and unbuttoned his shirt
Was she staring? Damn it. Damn it, heart. In a second, she was back in her chair hoping he didn't notice her eyes lingering.
“So, do we all agree this is a dead end and can we go to sleep now?”, Aram said.
“Yeah.. sorry, it happens. I think we do need some sleep now, maybe we will find another angle to tackle it in the morning", Ressler sounded gutted.
Liz didn’t feel like sharing her conclusions about this late work night. She really didn’t want to ruin the moment. She gathered the files in a pile and placed a post it on it to know where to continue tomorrow. She took her coat realizing her blazer was at Park’s. On her way to the office, she stalled next to Ressler, took the bottle and drank. She placed it back on the table without even looking in his direction and continued on her way out.
It was a huge effort on her behalf to keep quiet since there were so many things she wanted to say to him. The first on was that he is an absolute asshole for asking them to leave the party and assist him with pointless work. She tried not to overthink his dating night with the lady lawyer. But did he actually have a date night? It looked like he had been working the entire night.
She also wanted to tell him other kind of things. Things about her heart. It was also an absolute effort to make her heart behave. Damn heart. She made a pillow of her coat and hid her head in it to temper it..
**
“Liz…”
She was completely asleep with her head on the desk, in a very uncomfortable position. No, she would continue to stay there lop-sided, ignoring any incoming sound. But when she felt a warm hand caressing her arm, the situation changed. Damn it, she has been drooling all over. She wiped her mouth in full confusion, doing her best to return to a socially acceptable state.
“Hey... you fell asleep here", a very soft voice continued to address her.
“Ressler?”
Damn it, it was him. She immediately regretted not playing dead. She scrubbed her face with her fingers, trying to bring herself back to the real world and the reality that was her office at that unknown hour. And damn it, she was wearing some make-up which was probably all over her face by bow.
“Come on, I can drive you home…"
“What time is it?”, she asked hoping her will not pay too much attention to her zombie-like face.
He seemed not to notice anything tough. His hand was still on her arm, caressing her soft skin. Damn it.
“It’s 2.30”, he said so softly it was almost a whisper. “Come with me.”
He helped her stand, took her coat and wrapped it around her shoulders. This was the most contact they had in months. Despite the fatigue, the haziness in her head which will probably turn into one hell of a headache, she would have stopped the time right there to feel those shivers on and on and on.
Very little they’ve spoken during the drive to her place. She sensed he was also dead tired and, suddenly, started to worry about him, forgetting all the other things that bothered her not so long ago.
“I think you should have some coffee, you look too tired for another 20 minutes drive...”, she inwardly spoke.
“Yes, you are probably right. Have any?”
“I think so…”
She felt horrible once they got to the apartment and the empty coffee can laughed in her face.
“I am so sorry… I forgot, long day and tequila..”
“Don’t worry about it, Liz", his voice sounded sincere.
“I can offer you some very crappy breakfast cereals the nanny bought…”
“How horrible?”
“The brand is called <Lovey-Dovey-Oats> and they have sugar hearts in it. Pink.”
Ressler started to laugh loudly, a thing that she didn’t expect in a million years. Seeing this unusual reaction made her laugh too.
“I needed that, thanks...”, He literally threw himself on the coach to catch his breath from the laughter.
“What? The cereals or the laugh?”, but never got a reply.
“So what on Earth happened here. Did Saint Valentines throw a party while you were gone?”
Liz instantly knew he was referring to the amount of pink, glitter and heart shaped everything Agnes was playing with to craft whatever cards for her friends at school.
“I never took you as a Valentine fan, Keen…”
“That’s because I am not. Agnes, on the other hand, is the opposite. She has been doing Valentines arts & crafts up to .. well.. this level”, Liz said.
“Fun kid.”
“She is. But I could do without the glitter. By the way, pay attention to the <<crime scene>> there as you might end up sparkling more joy than you usually like.”
“Funny.”
“Well, it can also be interpreted as going to a strip club…”
“Did I say you’re funny?”
“That would definitely ruin your usual pose of the super-serious FBI Agent. Oh my god, what would people think?”, Liz teased.
“There might be some theories…”
She didn’t dare getting too close to him, so she continued to stay across the room with her back glued to the wall. Her eyes, on the other hand, were fixing him. She just couldn't look away, He was there, he was fun company and she loved the simple idea of having him around. On the other hand, she was on alert trying to notice any sign that would betray his previous temper. The simple thought of an angry, distant, cold Ressler made her flinch. Her heart was – again – racing. Damn heart. Damn everything. Damn her for ruining thing.
“God, it’s been a long week…”, he said scrubbing his eyes and making himself more comfortable on the sofa.
“It’s only Wednesday, Don”, Liz smiled. “Well, Thursday by now…”
“I was nearly shot yesterday on field”, he said after a few moments of silence. His voice sounded gutted, his eyes darkened at the memory.
“I know, I wanted to…”
“It was not a first, it will probably happen again. And it could be even worse. It was just... unexpected”, Ressler added.
“I am sorry…”
What was more oppressive than her headache, was her heart taking jumping jacks in her chest. It was far from ideal to stay in front of him without being able to allow herself feeling anything. And in that second she was feeling an immensity of things, like the strong will to run next to him on the coach, embrace him, take his hand, kiss me, asking for the forgiveness she knew she'd never get because she didn't deserve her.
“Didn’t Reddington tell you?”
“We don’t actually talk, you know… It is better this way.”
And that was the moment she was afraid of the most, diving into the past, remembering the poorest choices she has ever made. She took a heavy breath to accommodate her continuous stirring heart. T
“Well.. I guess we should actually go to sleep now…”, he broke the silence that was heavily falling down in the living room.
“You can stay here if you don’t want to drive. And, honestly, I really-really don’t want you to drive as tired as you are..”
“Thanks, Liz. I appreciate it.”
**
,
The most dreadful sound she could ever hear was the alarm announcing it’s time for her to get up. There were fewer things as difficult as opening her eyes after last night. However, the memory of Don sleeping in the living room seemed to do wonders because, minutes later, she was already in the living room, quite fresh and ready to face the day.
But he was gone and the world, once again, seemed a dreadful and craggy place. When she found his tie on the floor and decided on the spot she’d keep it for a while.
**
Aram was typing something while sipping from a very tall green smoothie.
“Hangover cure?”, Liz asked almost laughing.
He didn’t have a chance to reply.
“What hangover? You guys left so early! We went on until 4 or 5”, Park jumped in.
Liz starred at her.
“How can you look so fresh after a night like that?”
“Well, she is still in her 20s’…”, Aram offered the most reasonable explanation possible.
They didn’t have too much time for comments as, couple of minutes later, Cooper and Ressler made an appearance with new intel on the case they were working on. Liz lost her place as Red’s person-to-go, so all the information was shared with either Cooper or Ressler. Or both. On one hand, she was glad not to deal with the monster responsible for all the deaths in her life; on the other, she felt a bit left aside. Especially, since Ressler and Reddington were always in touch and spending time together. She felt betrayed because Ressler was spending too much time with the criminal, who also had a connection to Rebecca. She was out of the loop and it felt frustrating.
Their meeting proved to be more of a brainstorming meeting than a usual briefing as no one was 100% convinced what the best tactic would be. It ended one hour later, when they were informed one of the suspects caught in one of the previous days started to unveil new things during his latest interrogatory.
So later that morning, Liz, Ressler and Park ended up at an abandoned warehouse transformed into a meeting place for the other traffickers left in the game. Nothing out of the ordinary for the Task Force, tough. In fact, for Liz it felt good to have a distraction of this magnitude. She and her peers knew what they were doing, did a good assessment and managed to step in at the right time. Mission accomplished in less than 1 hour.
**
“Can you take him to the Post Office? I need to be somewhere for lunch”, Ressler asked Liz as he was cuffing one of the villains.
Rebecca. He was probably seeing her. Liz saw her number flashing on Ressler's phone while they were driving to the warehouse. Her heart sunk in her chest.
“Yes, sure. No worries, enjoy your lunch.”
“Thanks.”
“I’ll help you with the bastard”, Park made a sudden presence and Liz didn’t quite know if the comment referred to their suspect or their colleague. On the other hand, it matched both.
**
It was not very often for Scottie and Liz not to have a fun arrangement for after school activities when the nanny was off. That day, Agnes’ ballet dance class got cancelled, so she had to be dropped at the Post Office with Liz still being caught in the interrogation and debriefing part of their case.
Agnes was not complaining as she usually got additional time to play and was heavily rewarded in the evening when they were out for dinner. So there she was, in the war room, sitting next to her mom who was busy with Park going through the last of the data points, when Ressler got back from his launch.
“Do we have a new colleague?”, he smirked at the young lady.
Agnes laughed, always enjoying his joke of her being an officer like her mom.
“Agent Agnes, any orders for us?”
“Nooooo”, she continued to laugh amusing the others, except for Park.
“Enjoyed your long launch?”, she asked bluntly. She was pissed. Very pissed. Liz knew it had to do with the fact that he bailed for the interrogation part, which proved to be even more challenging than the field mission. Even if he seemed surprised of her reaction, Ressler didn’t bother to answer. His attention was on Agnes.
“Is that card for a friend?” His attention was still on Agnes who was crafting what seemed to be a very glittery Valentines card.
“It’s for mommy. She is sad and doesn’t like Valentines, so I am making her a card”, Agnes innocently replied.
“Agnes, I am not sad”, Liz felt like offering an explanation considering there were a few people in the audience eyeing her with curiosity.
“But you hate Valentines, you told me many times. And grandma and George told me it’s because you are probably sad because you don’t have a boyfriend.”
Liz felt even more pairs of eyes on her, analyzing her many colors of red. Her damn heart was transforming into a rollercoaster.
“Hon, there are many types of love and you don’t need a boyfriend to feel it”, Ressler magically stepped in.
Liz was blocked trying to comprehend his words. Wait? What did he just say?
And with this, all the yes were now on him. Of course, he couldn’t care less and started to hand over Agnes some of the little stars she was gluing on the card.
Cooper’s voice interrupted the not so fun discussion calling back Liz and Park to the interrogation room. Once they left, Agnes looked at Ressler.
“I need to call grandma.”
“Is there anything wrong, sweetheart?”, Ressler asked.
Aram came closer to them panicking.
“No, no - she asked me to think of a present for mommy and she will buy it for me. You, know I have no money because I am a kid.”
Both men smiled at her.
“And I am not allowed to have a phone…” She put on a very dramatic face.
“Come on, let’s call her from the office in case your mom returns. What is the present you want to give her?”
“A heart medallion. This way, she will always have love with her.”
Ressler couldn’t ignore the look on Aram’s face. The man was almost in tears.
“That’s beautiful, Agnes! I have the number here, let’s call her", Ressler took her hand and walked over his and Liz's office to orchestrate the surprise.
**
“And that’s the last file. We are out of here, Agnes!”, Liz joyfully informed her daughter.
“Crazy plans?”, Aram asked from behind the screen.
“Yes, absolutely crazy. With extra pizza and cheesecake. Well, maybe some wine for and a lot of sleeping too. You? Still recovering from last night?”
“Well, I am a romantic and it’s almost Valentines. You enjoy that wine, I will definitely enjoy a beer.”
“Beer? Sounds good. I’ll join you.” Aram was as surprised as Liz to hear Ressler’s words as he was joining their little party in the War Room.
“Well, you boys have fun”, Liz said as Agnes was already running towards the yellow elevator excited to go home.
Damn heart was messing with her again as she suddenly remembered small parts of the discussion had with Aram the other day at Park's party. So the image of the two men drinking kicked in. Bars, pubs, clubs. Dating. It was definitely time for her to get out of that place and erase these thoughts from her head. So she hurried on her way out to allow her mind to clear out and her heart to tone down the beating.
“Keen, wait a minute”, Liz heard Ressler’s voice from behind her. He was getting close, she could feel his body almost next to hers.
Dumb heart was starting to do its usual thing again: behaving as an untamed beast. She didn’t know what to expect from him, so she hesitated turning to face him.
“This is for you", were the next words he said.
She bit her lip and finally turned to see something in his hand. An envelope.
“Is it about the case?”
She really hoped it was not because she only wanted to go home and live her passionless life as a widow and single mom while eating pizza after many sleepless nights.
“Just open it…”, he smirked at her.
She took it from his hand with some hesitation.
“Coffee?”
“Subscription for coffee… Basically, every month, this start-up delivers to your door enough coffee to last you for a longer while. You know… so you won’t run out of it when you have unexpected company.”
“That’s… actually sweet.”
“And this also gets you some discounts to their coffee place uptown. You’ll like it. Very healthy food, but Agnes will love it because everything looks insanely delicious, she wouldn’t even know how good it is for her. You can take her to have breakfast there.”
“Thank you…”
No, she will not overthink this. It was nice gesture and, truth be told, she usually ran out of coffee. This would help her stay on top of things. It’s basically a beautiful present that would benefit everyone because, starting with now, she will not be late, sleepy, cranky and all the rest.
“But let’s agree this is not a Valentines present, yeah?”
“I told you I’m not a Valentines girl, Ressler…”
And with that she left.
Chapter 3: February 14th
Chapter Text
“Damn, damn, damn… DAMN IT!”
Not hearing the alarm clock and waking up in the very-very last minute was nothing more than business as usual for Liz. However, that day she had to drop off her daughter to school and, of course, face all the Valentines-related lunacy, making small talk with the other parents and teachers and then drive to the Post Office for what she expected to be a hectic day. And, of course, seeing Ressler and hearing bits and pieces of his new relationship and other things related to that, no matter how hard she’d try to avoid it. Today of all days, when Ressler would probably look dashing, as Red would say, ready to go out somewhere nice with that woman.
At least, she had 2 days off to recover afterwards. And good coffee thanks to the nonValentine present she got from him, delivered at the first hour of the morning right at her door.
In the living room, Agnes was playing music on Spotify and Liz was quite pleased that, at least, her daughter’s taste in music was far better than her obsession with pink.
“Honey, I will be ready shortly!”, she said while humming the Coldplay song played over the speakers.
Surprisingly, she was ready in time. She even picked up a nicer shirt than the usual “I-don’t-remember-where-I-got-this” sweater to go out with her forever black jeans and ankle cut boots. Then looked up for some lipstick in her top drawer. Realizing this was from her before-Agnes time, hesitated to put it on, but then decided she’d take the risk and boost up a bit her overall gloomy mood.
“I had cereals”, Agnes informed her from the sofa. “You look pretty, mommy!”
“Thank you! Since you are so excited about your Valentines celebration with your friends and are wearing that beautiful pink dress, I decided to take your example”, Liz hugged her daughter. Truth was she was feeling a bit bad about lying to her daughter about something so meaningless. Yes, she wanted to feel pretty. However, the reason had more to do with other people. Damn it. That was not the best example for woman empowering, but she needed to feed on that projection at least for a few hours.
**
About one hour later, when she entered the Post Office, she felt Reddington’s eyes fixating on her. She hesitated so say anything thinking it would be cautious for him to address her first.
“She’s here, we can start now.”
That was all he had to say and the image of an iceberg suddenly appeared in front of her. This is what Titanic must have felt like. She politely nodded to the rest listening to what the criminal had to say. New case, of course. Lately, he really kept the Task Force busy.
**
“You look nicer than usual”, was the first thing Park said after the briefing ended. “Hot sex plans?”, she whispered, but not quiet enough for the others not to hear it. Déjà vu for Liz who, one again, ended up caught in the middle of thorough scrutiny about her personal life.
Few moments later, that for Liz felt as decades, Cooper broke the silence with a short, dramatic cough and said he’d be in his office, waiting for details to be confirmed about the location and names of the first suspects. Reddington followed him, but first he grinned in Park’s direction and tapped his hat. Clearly, he appreciated her blunt curiosity about Liz’s personal life.
Liz decided not to feed the beast in front of her and walked straight to Aram’s desk to see if he has an address ready so she could drive far-far-far away from that place, at least for a couple of hours. Field duty was the best. However, Aram seemed more interested in elaborating the hot sex topic than replying to the work-related question.
“Did you pull a <<Desperation Day>>?, he asked Liz making a devilish face at her.
“What?”, Liz was stunned to hear these words coming in from his mouth. Or anyone’s mouth, for that matter.
“You know… February 13th is the last chance to get a date for Valentines, it’s from that show with the guy telling how he met the kids’ mother”, Aram explained.
“Aram – address?”, Ressler cut him off and Liz really-really tried not to face him because she felt 5000 shades of red were painted all over her face. On the other hand, she appreciated the change of topic.
“Working on it”, Aram said in his direction and quickly typed something and then looked back at Liz: “So did you?”
“No. Not quite. Why? Did you? You were out last night, right?”
“He did!”, Park joined the chat not interested at all in persuading anything else, for example the case assigned by Red moments ago. “This wild guy of us met someone at a club last night.”
“Aram – we need that address. Now.” Ressler was trying to still keep his temper, but Liz could feel his impatience. He’d burst into flames probably in a matter of seconds.
“You have to tell her!”, Park insisted, quite oblivious to Ressler’s mood.
The only thing that Aram said was the address.
“Keen, let’s go.” Liz took her coat and followed Ressler to the elevator, but not looking at him at all. She preferred to keep the eye contact with her other 2 colleagues who, for no reason, were smirking at her.
**
As usual, their car rides were quiet, awkward as one could cut off the tension with a knife in many, many thick pieces. The GSP was indicating another 10 minutes of driving until destination. So, Liz decided to check if her long past expiration day lipstick gave her a rash or something like it.
“Don’t worry, Keen. You look good.”
“Thank you?”
“Is that a question?”, he smiled.
And there was her heart madly racing. And yes, it was a question because everything coming out of Ressler’s mouth was more of a sarcastic comment than a compliment. Lately, it was just a nasty comment. Changing the topic seemed to be the safest route to avoid even more awkwardness settling in.
“So... you went out with Aram and he ended up with a date…”
“Is that a question?”, he gave her another smile, briefly taking his eyes off the road to look in her direction. “What can I say? Man’s got game.”
She smiled adding “I am happy he can have some fun.”
“Yeah, I am sure he will have more fun. He’s meeting her tonight.”
“That’s fast…”
“Mhmm… Some people just know how to put themselves out there.”
And here was the K.O. punch she was afraid off. Park was right, Ressler has been more of an asshole lately and throwing out things like that felt beneath him. Of course she was to blame and be left unforgiven for other things, more complicated and more heavy to live with. But this just felt mean. It felt cold, bristly. Like a knife. Because it was true: she didn’t put herself out there. She create an illusion of being there, after which she ran and hide like a rabbit in a hole, avoiding any form of communication with him.
She swallowed her words knowing it is best to leave him be and felt grateful, seconds later, for an incoming call. One of the mom’s at Agnes school called her in to quickly ask for Liz to allow a last-minute playdate.
“Yes, I’d love too. 6.30 would be just fine. Don’t worry about it, we have all night.”
These were the last words said in that car during the entire trip.
**
She kept her distance from Ressler as much as she could. They returned to the Post Office after they spoke with a few people linked to the case and, just like usual, Liz found herself busy in the War Room leaving their shared office only to him and his temper.
When Cooper called her in his office for a last minute update, she didn’t even look at Ressler who was also in the room seated comfortable in one of the chairs. She shared her latest insights, got new orders and was about to leave when Reddington called Cooper. The AD waved towards her, inviting her to have a seat leaving her no choice.
“Yes, sir..”, she whispered and went to the other available chair, next to her partner noticing his scrutiny with the corner of her eye.
“Shall we begin?”, Red started the briefing. “One of my associates informed me our blacklister, Mrs. Wells, is planning to make an appearance this afternoon. She’ll be visiting her lawyer to make some arrangements that most probably have to with paying her messengers – if you know what I mean.”
“If you get to her, we find out the next target”, Cooper concluded.
“Exactly, Harold. My source told me her lawyers found an excellent way to cover these transfers, so you might need a warrant to get their files…”
“We’ll do that, no worries.”
“We need to caught her on act, this would pressure also some of the lawyers to talk. We can offer them immunity.”
“Immunity?”, Liz surprised herself talking. “They’re as guilty as she is for covering her, she couldn’t have funded those acts of terrorism without having support and I bet if they work with her to laundry these money, there might be other interesting customers.”
“Elizabeth”, Reddington took a short breath before continuing to address her. “This firm is not of interest for us, we just need Ella Wells.”
“Why? Are you also their customer?”
Liz realized two things on the spot: 1) if he wasn’t a client, he certainly was interested in their services. 2) this was probably Rebecca’s law firm if both Red and Ressler were so adamant about immunity.
“Let’s first see if we get Wells on spot, then we will see what we can do..”
“I’ll take Park and go there”, Liz said and raised up from the chair.
“What do you mean you take Park and go there?”, Ressler rasped.
“I mean exactly what I said. I think you are too involved on a personal level to go there”, she snapped.
Cooper cleared his throat, ready to reinstate the order in his office. However, Reddington spoke first of the three men:
“I believe Elizabeth is referring to your thing with Rebecca, Donald. Well, Elizabeth should also know you are an excellent professional and probably the best field Agent FBI has. Although she was right to make the connection to our dear Rebecca, she is absolutely wrong to assume you will not be objective.”
Liz felt her blood boiling.
She couldn’t even raise her eyes from the floor. Ressler was surprisingly quiet given the situation. Cooper decided it’s time to switch gears so he cut the conversation short, telling Red he’d call back with more information once they have it.
“I’m sorry, sir, but I disagree. Park and I should go, not Ressler”, Liz felt the need to once again make her point.
“Agent Keen, Reddington is right. Agent Ressler is an impartial enough to take this operation.”
“I’ll work whatever details you need with Aram”, she said before leaving the office and avoiding any eye contact. For a second, she was afraid she would end up there with Ressler and that was the last thing she wanted.
**
Back at the War Room she told Park to go Cooper as she has a mission waiting and briefed Aram on what details her colleagues would need, preparing the back-up and the communication protocol.
“So… Aram felt like changing the topic as they were waiting for their colleagues… “You do have a date tonight…”
“Huh?” Liz’s confusion wasn’t taken it for granted.
“Come on, tell me who it is you are seeing tonight!”
“Aram, I should be asking you that. What happened last night? Ressler seemed impressed with your <<game>>”.
“Oh, yeah. Her name is Daria and she is quite pretty. She’s an art director, so quite creative and was fun to chat with. She was sitting next to us at the bar”, Aram said.
“Glad you boys had fun”, Liz said. However, she was a bit disappointed of Ressler having that much fun.
“Yeah, well…”.
It was obvious to Liz that Aram was trying to avoid going into more details so she cut him off:
“I don’t have a date, Aram. I am babysitting. Apparently, everyone knows I have no life whatsoever. Agnes’ friends will be joining us, so I will be spending tonight with 3 kids building forts.”
“Forts?”
“Yes, I am sick of glitter, glue and heart-shaped shit. A fort will keep them busy, they can play in it.”
Aram laughed.
“But, wait... This doesn’t make any sense..”
“It’s a fort Aram, it’s not supposed to make sense…”
“No, I mean… Why was Ressler so sure you have a date?”
She was left agape. Dumb heart was again fighting to break her chest, so she took a deep breath and decided to end the conversation. What Ressler thought, felt, wanted, should not matter to her at all.
“I don’t know, Aram. And I don’t think I want to know what he thinks because that might just ruin my mood.”
She left him in the War Room and, for the first time in a while decided to work from her actual office. That because Ressler was nowhere to be seen.
**
“What the hell was that?”, the door opened showing an angry Ressler barking at her.
“Excuse me?”
“I am not objective enough? What the hell, Keen?”
“I…”
No, she didn’t have an answer. His gaze was on her, he was furious.
“Do you actually have such a low opinion of me? Because if that’s the case…”
“No, Ressler. It’s not that. You know it will never be something like that.”
“Then what the hell was it? Help me understand.”
With his hands were in his hair, he started pacing around their small office waiting for an explanation that made any sense. Liz was not sure that anything she’d say would satisfy him.
“Ressler, I didn’t think you’d want to chase your girlfriend on Valentines.”
“What?”
“You’ve finally found someone and… Yes, she is an associate of Reddington’s, which already makes it complicated. But to go to her firm to get a blacklister and flash a warrant to get their intel… And on Valentines…”
She felt like crying, but did her best not to melt away as he was looking like her with such rage and disappointment.
“I couldn’t care less, Liz. About whatever day is today, about Reddington’s associates – whoever those are, I just couldn’t care less.”
“About me.”
“Excuse me?
“I know you are angry, you have every reason to be.”
“I have?! What the hell, Liz? You used me. You tried to manipulate me. Then everything went to hell and you disappeared, shut me down. What was I supposed to believe?”
Liz was not sure about how and why the course of their discussion drastically changed.
However, her mind and her mouth seemed to have lost connection as she was now also talking about the same things as Don with no reference to what happened in Cooper’s office.
“I am not sorry I kissed you, Don. I am not sorry at all because I had.. I have feelings for you. It was unfortunate it happened like that. I just got lost in the moment. But I want you to be happy and I thought it would be best not to destroy your…”
He didn’t let her finish:
“Liz, why do you think I was angry?”
“You think I manipulated you.”
“You’re wrong. I was angry because of that. Now I am angry because I.. because we…”
“We?”
As usual, their colleague Aram had very bad timing and interrupted them as Cooper was looking for Ressler.
He held her eyes before leaving. She could tell he was still angry at her. Therefore – once again – she did what she already mastered: avoided any other confrontation by leaving home while he was caught in the debriefing.
**
Liz’s very secret wish of not seeing any more glitter seemed to be fulfilled. Agnes had 3 guests that night and she was over the moon. Apparently, some single parents still know how to have fun. But Liz decided she’d enjoy the little ones’ company. They had games to play, topics to debate, a list of movies to watch and pizza was on its way. Liz also had some wine. And there was also a fort they have been trying to build for a while now.
“Mom, there’s someone at the door!”, Liz heard as she was trying to find more blankets.
She abandoned the task heading to the door.
“What are you doing here?” She couldn’t hide the surprise of seeing Ressler in front of her. This was definitely not the time and the place to continue their conversation.
“Aram told me you might be outnumbered tonight”, he replied smiling over her shoulder to what was now a party of 5 kids staring at him.
The awkward silence lasted a few moments, but Agnes who was absolutely excited to see him ran in his arms welcoming to her little party.
“So... do you know anything about building a fort?”, Liz thinking this is a safe path to lead their conversation.
“In theory, yes… So, who do we have here?”
“My friends from school: Leah, Mike, Anne and Timothy. Did you know Anne and Timmy are twins?”
It took very little for Ressler to be dragged in the middle of whatever game they had. Liz suddenly felt better, her heart was at ease.
**
“So this is how it feels to have a house full of kids…”, he said a few hours later after they managed to send to sleep the small army of munchkins: the boys in Agnes’ room and the girls in Liz’s room. Liz and Ressler were left with the fort and the sofa and ton of awkwardness still. At least, she could now open a bottle of wine.
“I think the word you are looking for is <exhausting>”.
“It was fun, actually. Agnes is a great kid.”
Liz’s heart warmed up hearing these words.
“So… what are you doing here?”, she decided not to postpone whatever this was. She also needed an excuse for that glass of wine.
“I heard you’re having a kick-ass party and wanted to see what’s all about.”
“Just like that?”
“Nobody invites me to any parties lately, so I have to find a way to have some fun…”
Liz raised her brow not quite understanding what he meant.
“No, Park didn’t invite me to her drinking party. She and Aram just assumed I wouldn’t show up.”
“Oh, I think they assumed you had plans with…”
“Well, they should have asked and not assume anything.”
“Probably.”
A moment of silence filled the air between them. Liz got off the sofa to bring the bottle of wine and two glasses.
“Reddington invited me and Cooper to a cocktail party that evening.”
“Hmm?”
“I went. I played my usual part: the crooked cop, Red’s associate.” He took the bottle from her hands.
“Is that why you ended up with a new lead and dragged us back to the Post Office?”
“Kinda…”
He smiled before adding: “I was also a bit pissed you were having fun without me.”
She laughed, taking a glass from him.
“Next time, I will ensure you are added to the list.”
“I count on you.”
“So, you and Reddington seem to be hitting off…”
What she wanted was to find a way to open the Rebecca topic.
“Liz, I know how you feel about him and there is no excuse for his acts towards Katarina. I don’t want to spend time with him more than I have to, will you trust me on this?”
“I trust you always”, she said.
“Good. Because the last months have not been easy on me. When I was not in the office working my butt off, I was literally dragged to all sort of things continuing to work my butt off. I am just tired, and I’d like some understanding. From you, especially…”
She felt a hug would be too much, but she leaned on him touching his shoulder.
“And you a night in with bunch of kids would help your weariness?”
He laughed.
“It helped being here”, his head was not resting on hers.
For a couple of minutes, they’d enjoyed the silence, sipping the very good wine Liz had from Scottie.
“Don, why are you here instead of…?”, she stopped before saying her name. She realized she never wanted to ever say it.
“If you want to ask me about Rebecca, just do it.”
“It’s your personal life, I can’t barge in like that…”
He started laughing so loud he had to change positions.
“Do you know how many times did you barge in my personal life or ended up at my door? Was not personal?”
Liz would have felt offended, but she knew he was not complaining.
“Liz, Reddington has Rebecca and her partners on his payroll. She asked me out, I said yes because we needed to get her trust.”
Her heart was again becoming louder and louder, stopping her from saying anything lucid. She continued to drink, but didn’t look in his direction.
“You were so jealous…”
“I wasn’t! I was happy for you.”, she snapped.
“I would rather have had this conversation months ago…”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”, she asked finally looking him in the eyes.
Ressler put his arm around her and pulled her close. She nearly spilled the last of her wine.
“It was difficult to say anything, considering you were running from me. You’ve avoided me for months. I wanted to give you space. A few days ago, when I almost got killed in that shooting, I realized how stupid we were.”
“We were, right?”
“Very. I missed you, Keen.”
Liz brushed his lips with a short, soft kiss, taking him by surprise. He kissed back, grabbing her waist with one hand and pulling her closer to him. When they quickly realized there are 5 kids in the house and no privacy of any sort, both of them started to laugh hysterically.
“Well, I give it to you: this is an interesting Valentines”, Don said cuddling her on the sofa.
“I told you, Don, I’m not a Valentines' girl.”