Archive of Our Own ^beta

Valkyrie took a deep breath and clenched her fists tightly. She had to do it. She couldn’t go on as she was, hiding herself from her friends. She had no idea why this was so difficult for her to say. She’d tried for weeks, almost every day, and every time she opened her mouth to say the words her throat would choke and she’d look like an idiot. She couldn’t keep doing that to herself.

She stood suddenly, not expecting herself to do it. Ghastly looked up from his sewing machine at her, raising an eyebrow, and then looked back at his work. Skulduggery stared at her from the wall he was leaning against casually and tilted his head at her. She opened her mouth.

No sound came out. She closed it.

“Are you okay?” Skulduggery asked for the eight or ninth day in a row. “Another cat got your tongue?”

“No,” she glared, clenching her fists tight enough to hurt before letting her breath go and closing her eyes. “I just have to tell you something.”

“Oh?” He asked. Ghastly didn’t stop working but did slow down to listen. “Go ahead.”

“I – I um… well I just realised something but I don’t know how to tell you,” she said, her voice quickly trailing to a whisper.

He stood straight, put his hat he’d been holding on the counter and sat in a stray chair. “You know you can tell us anything, Valkyrie. You’re our friend.”

“I know,” she said quickly. “I don’t know why it’s so hard to say. I keep trying and then I can’t.”

“Is it something work related?”

“No.”

“Something to do with school?”

“No.”

“Are you pregnant?” Ghastly chimed in.

Valkyrie went red. “No! Don’t be stupid!”

He chuckled at her expense. “I know, I’m just messing with you. Go ahead, tell us.”

She took a breath and looked between the two, thinking the words over and over in her head. Finally, after over thirty seconds of silence, she said it. “I think I’m gay.”

It felt like the world fell away from under her. Her body felt hot and shaky, her mind was blank and she couldn’t focus on her friends forms in front of her.

That all shattered when Ghastly snorted a laugh. “Valkyrie, I have known this since the moment I met you.”

Her mouth dropped and it took a moment to gather herself. “Wait, what?”

“You’re not very subtle.”

“But – but I just realised this a few months ago, how could you’ve known for years?!”

“It’s just very obvious from an outside perspective. I didn’t say anything because I wanted you to figure it out on your own.”

“Oh my god,” she whispered softly, staring as he looked back down at his work and went back to full speed.

“I also knew,” Skulduggery said suddenly.

“How?” She demanded.

He shrugged. “Well, just your… you-ness.”

“What the actual fu–”

.*****.

Valkyrie jumped up the stairs ahead of Skulduggery, completely unwilling to make small talk after the utter embarrassment that conversation had been. She got up to the third floor way ahead of him and knocked quickly on China’s door, knowing instantly what she needed to do. There was no way someone else knew. She was with Skulduggery every day, and she saw Ghastly at least a few times a week. Far more then she saw China. Surely she couldn’t know.

China opened the door and smiled at her and she spoke without meaning to. “I’m gay.”

“Obviously. Would you like some tea?”

Her whole body went slack. “How – what – you knew?”

“Valkyrie, it’s so obvious that people have been spreading rumours in all sorts of circles since you entered our world. I didn’t think it was something I should mention,” she said, going back into her apartment and sitting on her green chair. “So, tea?”

Valkyrie reeled back and glared at the floor before turning and leaving without saying a word. She pushed past Skulduggery and left.

.*****.

“Gordon,” she snapped when the secret door began opening.

“Oh, hello Valkyrie. I wasn’t–”

“Did you know I’m gay?”

“You? Gay? Well, I wouldn’t want to make assumptions like that–”

Valkyrie stalked closer to her Echo-Uncle. “Did you know I’m gay? I’ve been coming out to people and they all already know!”

“Oh, right! Sorry, I didn’t understand the question at first. Yes, I knew you liked girls. Don’t you remember when you were about eight? You went to a sleepover and I saw you a few days later and you told me you almost played spin-the-bottle with the other girls but they didn’t want to and you were disappointed. Straight girls don’t get disappointed like that. Even kids.”

She looked at him with wide eyes. “I – I don’t even remember that.”

“Well, it was only one example. When you were three you had a crush on another little girl at nursery.”

She stared at him for a moment longer and then heard the door downstairs open. She didn’t say a goodbye, just closed the bookcase and ran down the hallway and looked out over the bannister down to Tanith. Her hair was messier than normal, her clothes splattered with blood and grass stains. She grinned up at Valkyrie.

“Hey sister! How have you been?” Tanith said.

“You wouldn’t believe the day I’ve had,” she groused, stomping down the stairs. “Look, I have something I need to tell you and you need to be honest okay?”

“Sure, hit me with it,” she said, crossing her arms and tilting at the hip.

Valkyrie took a deep breath, held her hands steadily in front of her and spoke calmly. “I’m gay.”

Tanith nodded slowly. “Okay. Do you mean like bi or lesbian? Or something else?”

Valkyrie took a breath. “What would, like, something else be? I just knew about bi and lesbian.”

“Well there’s pan, polysexual, omni, a bunch of other obscure things. Gay is a catch-all phrase. Queer is also used a lot nowadays. Plus, you could be biromantic but only sexually attracted to one gender or sex, so I was just wondering which it is, or any other combination.”

Valkyrie looked at her as she said the words and then looked at the floor. “Um… I don’t know.”

Tanith shrugged. “That’s cool. You don’t have to know. I love you though, Val, you’re my sister. You know I’m bi, so of course I support you. Why has your day been so bad then, did you tell someone and they react bad? Because I am happy to kick their arse.”

She cracked a small smile and shrugged. “No. I guess it’s silly, it’s just… did you know I was gay? Before I told you?”

“Oh, yeah, I knew.”

Valkyrie instantly frowned angrily and crossed her arms. “You did?”

“Yeah. I’ve worked out with you since you were twelve. No girl looks at women working out like you do unless they like it.”

Valkyrie’s whole face went beet red and she struggled to breathe. “That’s not true.”

Tanith laughed. “It’s not a big deal! Don’t worry about it, there’s nothing wrong with looking.”

“This can’t be happening. This is a nightmare,” Valkyrie said to herself, opening the front door and walking out.

.*****.

Sighing uneasily, Valkyrie pulled on the sleeve of her pyjama top and tiptoed down the stairs. Her parents and Alice were in the living room watching a television show and her mum smiled at her when she came in. “Hey Steph. You’re in your ‘jama’s early.”

“Yeah, I’m super tired,” she said, smiling back and collapsing onto the sofa. Little Alice held her arms out and Valkyrie took her. “Um, I actually wondered if I could talk to you about something.”

“Of course you can, sweetie. What’s on your mind? Des, turn that off.”

“But they’re about to–”

“Pause it, Des,” her mum said again, and he did. “Go on Steph.”

“Oh, it’s not a big thing, I don’t mine,” she said, her cheeks reddening.

“No, it’s okay, if you want to talk then we’ll concentrate. Right Des?” Melissa asked.

“Sure, yeah,” he nodded.

“Okay,” Valkyrie said, nodding to herself and sitting up. “Um, well, I told most of my friends today already. I’ve known for a few months now, but I wanted to tell you that, um, I like girls. And I’m gay.”

“Aw, Stephanie,” Melissa crooned, leaning over and wrapping her in a hug. “I’m so glad you finally told us! We thought you’d never say anything.”

“What?” She said harshly, and her mum pulled back.

“Oh, I’m sorry, was it meant to be a big secret? I’m sorry honey, I just mean to say that we support you and we love you.”

“Yeah, but you knew,” she said in a broken voice.

“We did, but that’s okay, it’s still exciting that you told us! We’re so proud of you. Do you have a girlfriend then? Or a crush?” She asked with a smile.

“No, no. Dad? Did you know about this?” She asked desperately.

“Hmm? Of course I knew, you told me you liked girls when you were three or four,” he shrugged. “I don’t know what the big deal is. We know you, Steph, of course we know you’re a lesbian.”

She almost gagged. “Well, I don’t know if I’m a lesbian–”

“Don’t pressure her love,” Melissa said soothingly, putting a hand on her husbands leg. “She only just came out to us, I’m sure this was a big pressure on her mind, right hon?”

“Well, yeah, I guess. But everyone I’ve told has known. How have I been that obvious? I didn’t realise until a few months ago!”

Her mum smiled. “Well, it’s just that… well, you know honey! The clothes you wear, the way you talk, the way you played with the boys when you were young and how you had girl crushes growing up. All of your favourite characters growing up were pretty girls and you love football. You’re a bit of a… stereotype.”

“A stereotype,” she repeated softly.

“Yes. That doesn’t mean we don’t love you! We love you massively, we’ve barely thought about it!”

“I did! I can’t believe this has happened, I owe your grandma fifty euro now!” Her dad said. “I thought you’d come out years ago and you didn’t. Why’d you wait so long?”

She gasped. “You bet on when I’d come out?! Grandma knows?”

“Everyone knows,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Can I turn the telly on now?”

“Sure,” she said and he did. Her mum tutted and turned to give him a look and Valkyrie looked down at Alice. “Did you know Al? Did you know I’m gay?”

The one year old looked up at her, little mouth gaping slightly and then let out a small, “Ya.”

She held the baby out to her mum as her parents laughed hysterically at the baby’s accidental agreeance and Valkyrie went to bed sulkily.

.*****.

In a much better mood than the evening previous, Valkyrie marched on a mission into the Sanctuary with Skulduggery on her heel. Dexter was visiting and she wouldn’t believe, utterly refused to consider, that he knew she was gay. He had met her once, there was no way.

They went straight to Erskine’s office where they found Dexter lounging on Erskine’s fancy Grand Mage chair without the Grand Mage in sight.

“Valkyrie!” Dexter grinned, jumping up. “It’s great to see you again, I’ve missed you these last few months! Have you been keeping busy?”

She was pulled into a hug and laughed as they squeezed each other. “I’m grand! How are you? Been somewhere fun?”

“Naturally,” he said, not letting go. “Are you on a good case at the moment? Guns and hookers included? Can I come?”

She snorted a laugh and Skulduggery put a hand on Dexter’s shoulder. Dexter pulled back and then gave Skulduggery a shorter, back patting hug.

“We’re on a few cases, but they’re all boring. No guns or hookers for miles,” she smirked.

“Well that’s crap,” he said, stepping back and balancing his back end on the desk casually. His t-shirt stretched over his arms when he crossed them. “So, Valkyrie. You go to school, right? What’s the gossip?”

“My school gossip? Er, I don’t know. I don’t really pay attention. I mean, they’ll find out soon that, um… that I’m gay,” she said, trying to be casual.

His face grinned even wider. “Well, that’s exciting! Congratulations, Val, we should celebrate! Oh, I’m sure Erskine must have some whiskey in here,” he said, going around the desk and pulling open drawers.

“Erskine prefers brandy these days,” Skulduggery said. “And Valkyrie’s not drinking.”

“What?” Valkyrie and Dexter said at the same time.

Dexter continued. “But this is a big day, she just came out! She deserves a small drink. Just one shot.”

“Yeah!” Valkyrie said. “And he’s the first person that I’ve told that didn’t know before I told them. Even Alice literally said yes when I asked if she knew, and she can’t talk.”

“Oh,” Dexter said, and Valkyrie turned to him, already shaking her head. “Er, I totally didn’t know?”

“Dexter… How did you know? You’ve met me once.”

He shrugged and his smiled popped back up. “I knew the moment I saw you, looking around at all the women. Watching the dancers, checking everyone out. It was sort of obvious. I didn’t think it was a secret with how you were acting, but Ghastly said not to say anything.”

“Ghastly told you that?” She asked, horrified.

“Well, yeah! It takes a while to work out sometimes, don’t worry about it. Oh, look! You were right Skul, it is brandy. I don’t think I’ve had this shit in years.”

“Language,” Skulduggery said lowly.

“I know what swearing is,” Valkyrie said automatically, leaving the room.

She couldn’t believe that had happened. She couldn’t believe everyone knew. She put her hands in her pockets and took a walk, intending to clear her head so she could enjoy Dexter’s visit when she was calmer. It wasn’t just embarrassing anymore, it was horrifying and, in a way, infuriating that everyone had known and said nothing. That everyone had been gossiping about her!

She was so lost in her thoughts that she barely realised she ended up at the staffroom and nearly knocked straight into Erskine.

“Erskine!” She blurted out quickly. He turned to her, eyebrows raised as he took a sip of his drink. “I’m gay.”

He frowned and looked at his mug. “My coffee’s cold.”

She stood there and watched him and he took another sip of cold coffee before his eyes suddenly widened and swallowed the sip. “Oh, you were coming out to me! Sorry, I thought we were stating facts. Congrats on realising though.”

Growling, Valkyrie turned on her heel and removed herself before she could get angry at his acceptance. Everybody knew. That much was clear now. Everyone knew but her, and anyone she told was going to think she was an idiot when they realised she thought she had to tell them for them to know. She wasn’t embarrassed anymore, she was mad and irritated they had known and said nothing to her.

She was out of the Sanctuary’s grimy doors and halfway down the street when she saw Anton and jogged over to him. “Hi Anton, I didn’t know you were coming.”

“Yes, Erskine asked me to attend an important meeting. I fear it’s a ruse, however. How have you been?”

“I’m alright. I’m gay.”

“I’m aware.”

She glared and walked off, hands in her pockets.

.*****.

Later that night, Fletcher popped into the Sanctuary, a deep frown on his face. “Ghastly?” He asked, knocking on the door that was cracked open.

“Come in,” his gruff voice came. “What do you need, Fletcher?”

“I, er… I got a call from Valkyrie. She said she was gay.”

“Yes, she’s been coming out to people,” he said, not looking up.

“Oh. Did she tell you?”

“Yesterday, yes.”

“Oh.”

Ghastly finally put down his pen and looked up. “To be honest, Fletcher, I can’t have sympathy for your shock. Valkyrie Cain is the gayest, most lesbian looking young woman I’ve ever seen, let alone met. Perhaps I should have told you before you dated her, but what’s done is done, and I’m not in the business of outing people.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“It means telling someone that someone else is gay when the gay one hasn’t said themselves. Do you know anything about the LGBTQ+ community?” Ghastly asked. Fletcher shook his head and Ghastly got up to make some tea. “Right, well I guess this is happening.”

“She laughed when I said I was shocked and said I was the only one, but then hung up on me. I’m so confused.”

“Fucking Christ,” Ghastly whispered under his voice.