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Chapter Text

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𝘗𝘓𝘈𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘎: [𝘈𝘓𝘓𝘜𝘙𝘌 ] - [𝘉𝘙𝘌𝘕𝘛 𝘍𝘈𝘐𝘠𝘈𝘡]
1:35 ──────ㅇ───────── 3:47

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

The sounds of the devil's cry haunt you as you feel yourself submerge into the soft sand.

Your mother's last words taste like pure anarchy on your tongue, infecting your tainted blue veins with paralysis, crushing the organs that inhabit you as you feel yourself dissolve into the soft oranges and pinks that drape across the sky. The serene smell of salt from the ocean flows through the air. You've come here yet again, the ocean waves feel like a reminiscence of the paradise you left behind.

Tomorrow you'll start your life at Shiganshina University. Shiganshina, the place you desperately want to leave behind yet can't let go of. You always find yourself drawn to the broken roads of unwanted destinies.

You sigh and stand up, wanting to get as much sleep as possible before moving into the dorms. You take one last glance back at the scene and see a man standing in the distance.

His hands are tucked into his pockets, his chocolate-brown locks dancing with the wind. You can't see his face, yet you find yourself gazing intently at him, the man who seems completely engrossed in his thoughts. You walk away, leaving him in solitude, feeling fatigue creep through you at the thought of what might unfold tomorrow.

⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉

The demanding sound of the alarm woke you up from your slumber, still drowsy as rest was unfathomable in her presence. You sit up, and stretch your arms, a light groan slipping out. It was almost like every hour spent in the house caused your body to turn against you, your joints ached, your bones burned quietly beneath your skin, as if something inside you was scathing away the longer you stayed. If you didn't leave soon a carcass would be left behind, one so hollow that it could be seen as though the house itself was feeding on you, on the torment and torture.

The sunlight filters through the curtains, spilling warmth across your skin too warm, too bright, too soon. As the birds chirped, a lullaby breezed through the room, soothing the pit within you. You looked around the almost empty bedroom, it had been stripped down from its previous state. All was left was the bed you had resided on and a desk. The desk was lightly feathered with photos, so untouched the colour had slowly faded.

It had been a while since you've come back to Shiganshina. You'd grown used to the quiet comfort of living far away with your brother, it was fresh, filled with new air, new faces, a temporary escape. But here you are again, back where every street corner seems to hum with souvenirs you wanted to discard.

A thin ribbon of vapour encompassed the room, sinking into your lungs before permission was given, a bitter taste had already coated your tongue, unable to swallow away, unable to dissolve.

A soft knock breaks your thoughts.

"Come in," you yawn.

The door opens, revealing your mother. Her hair is messy, her face pale, eyes ringed with sleepless nights. You can feel the weight of her exhaustion before she even speaks.

Her expression was muted, no emotion was varnished onto her features.

"You're moving into the dorms today. Have you packed everything?" she asks, her voice even, too rehearsed.

You hum in response and move toward the bathroom to get ready. But her voice follows you gradually getting louder.

"I don't understand why you can't just stay here. Why do you need to go live in those dorms!?"

You halt already dreading the response that must be given. The mirror catches your reflection spent eyes, clenched jaw. "You know why I can't stay here. Why do you always start this?" you snap, meeting her gaze with the frustration you've carried for years.

Her expression twists. "Is it because I'm a bad mother?" she spits out, her tone rising sharp, irked and governed.

You feel your chest tighten. It's always the same. Every argument turns into guilt, every conversation into a test of patience. You're tired of being manipulated by her self-pity.

"Why do you always do this?" you murmur, your voice low but trembling. "I came back because you asked me to. But I can't stay here."

Despite being turned from her, the venomous pulses that she had emitted still held on to you and you could hear her voice flash with anger that old, familiar storm. "Okay leave if you want but don't come running back once everyone realises how much of an inconvenience you are. "

You refuse to hear the rest of her schpiel and reach over and tug at the door handle to slam it shut, the sound echoing like a crack in the air.

You stand in the bathroom, fists curling so tightly your nails dig into your palms. The scent of mint clings to the air, sharp and awake. You whisper to yourself, barely audible.

"Calm down, y/n. Calm down."

It's not new this feeling. The anger, the guilt, the ache that sits somewhere between your ribs and your throat. Every word from her lingers, twisting, replaying. You can't tell if you want to scream or cry, so you do neither.

"I'll go put your stuff in the car," your mother mutters from the hallway, her voice dull, fragile, the terror that had coated her senses had been eradicated as fast as it came.

You don't reply. You just stand there, feeling your pulse slow, your heartbeat syncing with the quiet drops of water leaking from the tap. Then, without a word, you turn away and head to your room to change.

Why must love be so complicated?

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

𝘗𝘓𝘈𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘎: [CYANIDE] - [DANIEL CAESEAR]
1:35 ──────ㅇ───────── 3:47
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

The car journey to the university was filled with thorny silence, just mere small talk just to know if you hadn't left anything, her grip on the steering wheel so tight, the hints of blue and green of her veins which looked like cracks bulged behind her paper like skin, too aged for someone of her age.

You turned ur gaze from her and squinted out the window to see glimpses of the university, beautiful buildings which seemed to carry a timeline of memories. The closer you got to the campus the car gradually slowed down and eventually halted in front of a large university dorm.

A breath was caught inside the back of your throat and her voice was course, she didn't even properly look at you, just a quip "we're here." before her gaze drifted out somewhere else. You started playing with your hands and slowly got out of the car.

The dorm hallways were lit with laughter and was alive, cluttered with students and their parents, it was chaotic but in a way that was warm. Your eyes drifted at the parents, some who had tears welling up in their eyes and some who just looked genuinely happening. You could feel something slowly sting between your ribs, the knowing that you will never have that experience or feeling.

Your mother didn't even help you move your things, just waved goodbye as she lit up a cigarette between her fingers, you carried your suitcases to your dorm, clattering everywhere, before you got to your floor you heard a slight shout behind you. "Hey!"

As you turned around to see who it was, you saw an auburn-haired girl with a huge toothy grin, holding a bag of snacks in one of her hands.

"Do you need any help?" She smiled, You looked down at your situation and a bit of help could be good as the amount of stuff you had was ridiculous.

"Yes please, if you can, I have way too many things." you giggled, she looked at you with bright eyes and didn't respond with words but just grabbed a suitcase and some tote bag and walked with you.

"Thank you so much." you looked at her while walking side to side.

"No problem, which block are you in? I assume you don't know where everything is." She questioned, a smile still gracing her face.

"I'm in block d, room 15." you replied, looking at all the signs to familiar yourself with the hallways.

She suddenly stopped in her tracks and her already wide smile stretched inhumanely possible. "No way that's my room!!!" She squealed slightly.

"Wait, your room? so we are room mates then" you replied, your nerves slightly easing seeing that the girl you will live with already seemed so sweet.

"Yeah I moved in earlier, it might be a mess right now, but we can organise everything together." She quipped, reaching the door to the room.

You stood at the door slightly tense, body slightly stiffened as thoughts raced through your head, of the various possibilities of what could happen in your new university, new start.

Before you could finish any of your thoughts, she opened the door and flashes of colour and boxes graced your sight, it was messy but a mess you could handle.

You both walked in together and turned towards the auburn haired girl, "Sorry I didn't properly introduce myself, i'm y/n l/n, nice to meet you!"

She looked up while kneeling down to grab her clothes and quickly stood up and used both of her hands to shake one of your hands with race of energy.

"Sasha Braus very nice to meet you" She saluted like a soldier, her introduction couldn't help but entice a chuckle out of you.

You walked towards your side of the room, the bed stripped clean and it looked sterile, lacking any sort of life, and you started opening up your suitcases and bags, setting up the artefacts that will represent your new chapter.

You felt a new rhythm in your ribs, not that sting but something hopeful, hopefully a new fresh page and not something previously tainted.

The energy in the room was warming, someone had turned on a speaker and waves of Daniel Caesar floated across the space, the melodies relaxing you. Chatter bloomed between the two of you.

"Yeah I never know what stuff to bring with me, moving into uni dorms always stresses me out." you stated, glancing at a figurine of Gojo you had brought with you.

"Have you lived in dorms before, I thought you were a freshman?" She asked, You sat cross legged in the middle of the room, Sasha had opened all her snacks and had was eating at an ungodly speed.

"No, I am a third year I transferred from Marley University." you replied while eating a flaming hot Cheeto.

"That's crazy I'm a third year as well, I have gone to Marley uni parties and they are so insane." She explained.

You had been out a lot, actually maybe a bit too much, in first year you had gone a bit overboard and were hungover every single day. You had mixed with the wrong crowd and even gotten yourself into situations you wished you hadn't.

In second year you tried to focus more on your work and distance yourself from those people however it had made you extremely lonely, spending most nights playing Fortnite and Arkham with your brother.

"They are so crazy, I used to go out all the time as a freshman, I remember one time someone brought a whole horse to the frat." You chuckled, reminiscing on your time there.

Sasha slightly gasped like she had unlocked something. "I went to that party as well, I am so surprised we never met."

"That is crazy, to be honest I was probably smoking up somewhere, all my friends were proper stoners." You giggled, while folding clothes.

"You are gonna love my group then, I am dragging you out everywhere now." Sasha pointed at you getting excited already.

"Yes please, I need to make friends, already scared i'm a third year in a new university." You both smiled at each other, the music was humming in the background while the two of you unpacked in tranquility, since you had moved back it had been the first time, you didn't feel the gnawing in your bones but a more lucid tenderness radiating from your skin.

The previous breath that had tangled itself in your throat had released, leaving you only with a calmness that you had hoped wouldn't eradicate but would embed itself more into your muscles.

A new hope.

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

Chapter Text

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

𝘗𝘓𝘈𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘎: [𝘔𝘠 𝘒𝘐𝘕𝘋 𝘖𝘍 𝘞𝘖𝘔𝘈𝘕] - [𝘔𝘈𝘊 𝘋𝘌𝘔𝘈𝘙𝘊𝘖]
1:35 ──────ㅇ───────── 3:47
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

"Will, you ever leave me?"

The young girl sat baffled, unable to decipher what the boy meant. He gave the girl a small grin, his eyes crinkling at the corners. Where would she go? Her soul lived wherever the light shone and wherever the oceanic orbs were. "You ask such dumb questions." The young girl grumbled.

The young children sat on the golden grains while the lacy waves played a lullaby, hypnotising the children. "It's not a dumb question, I just want to know."

The boy gazed at the eyes that he always felt so drawn to. All the girl did was let out a giggle while staring at the beautiful seashell that was in the palm of her hand.

She gently grabbed the boy's hand and placed the seashell on his hand.

"Keep this, to always remember this place."

The boy furrowed his eyebrows, confused, he would always remember this place. He would always remember where he and his companion would spend time together. He let out a soft smile and curled his fingers delicately on the shell.

"You didn't answer my question."

"Of course I won't leave you." The girl rolled her eyes.

"Pinky promise?!"

"Pinky promise."

Sometimes some promises were meant to be broken.

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

𝘗𝘓𝘈𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘎: [𝘚𝘌𝘓𝘍 𝘊𝘈𝘙𝘌]- [𝘔𝘈𝘊 𝘔𝘐𝘓𝘓𝘌𝘙]
1:35 ──────ㅇ───────── 3:47
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

The morning air was crisp, caressing your open skin as you walked towards campus. A muted gust of wind twirled around your t-shirt, goosebumps slightly growing on your arms as autumn was peaking in. The previous green blurring into bronze and brown, trees shedding their whispers of summer. Sunlight bled through the cracks of the clouds, shedding light onto the university campus. Your footsteps slow and precise, not wanting to rush.

The morning greets everyone with its own spells, some dreading the day ahead and others holding onto the hope of something fresh. You could hear students rush to classes, some worried about a new academic year and some giggling within themselves.

Your steps were synchronised with the girl beside you, her entire focus onto a dusted doughnut, her cheeks slightly powdered now. "How's breakfast?" You slightly chuckled, "so good, I have been waiting to eat this since last night." Sasha responded, words not fully forming as her cheeks were filled with the sweet treat.

"That's such a lie you ate half the packet before bed." Putting your finger on your chin.

"That was just a snack..." she responded, your eyes were taking in the scene of the buildings ahead, red brick that was slightly eroding, arched windows that had seen so many faces. History embedded into very steps you were walking on.

"How are you feeling about your first day here?" The auburn haired girl asked, snapping you out of your trance.

"I'm feeling okay I guess, my first module is equity and trusts so not excited for that." slightly pouting thinking about the amount of essays that will have to be done.

"Ew that sounds intense, I have food science now." She pointed towards a building, more modern than the rest that it resided by. You both halted, you gazed around trying to figure out where to go.

"Do you know where your class is?" She questioned, willing to lend a hand however you wanted to find it yourself so you nodded. "Okay good, have a good first day!" She smiled whilst walking away. You found it quite encouraging that your roommate wanted to build a friendship with you rather than just being strangers who lived together.

You walked around aimlessly trying to figure out where to go and in the corner of your eye you could see a tall woman slightly smirking talking to a petite blonde, her cheeks rosy. The hall was completely empty so you walked towards the pair to ask for directions. Your steps were loud enough for them to turn and look at your figure.

You were right in front of the two, slightly embarrassed as you interrupted their seemingly flirty conversation. "Hey I'm sorry I'm just trying to get to lecture 4A." You smiled, the blonde reciprocated your expression and you couldn't help but be starstruck at her features. The strands of hair were like woven gold and her eyes holding the mediterranean sea within them. The woman beside her, skin tan and hair the shade of burnt sugar, tied into a low pony with some framing her face. Her gaze was sharp and slightly intimidated you.

Surprisingly she answered your question first, her initial sharpness warming up, she looked like the type of person who was always on guard, the type of person who had to be. "Yeah it's on the other side of this building, I'm going there as well, we can go together." She pointed to the building where we were meant to be.

You huffed from annoyance that you couldn't figure it out on your own, enticing a chuckle out of the two. "Don't worry this campus is huge everyone gets lost." The blonde stated, her smile never leaving her face.

"I'm Ymir nice to meet you." She taller woman slightly smiled, "I'm Historia." The blonde added.

"I'm y/n nice to meet you both, I have been lost for like 30 minutes I'm definitely late." You sighed, hoping your professor wasn't a stickler on time.

"We have Erwin today as well, he's gonna be pissed." Ymir remarked, looking at you, a slight nervous smile gracing her lips.

"Oh god, I can't make a bad impression on the first day." You whined, putting ur hands on your face.

"You both head out quickly before he kills you." Historia pointed out, Ymir quickly snuck a kiss on Historias forehead, causing a bloom of red to encompass her profile and both you and Ymir sped walked to your first class.

You and Ymir stood in front of the giant oak doors, small panes of glass in the middle, you both peaked into the lecture theatre to see how screwed you were, the entire room was filled with students, their focus on a tall blonde man in front pointing at the large projected screen. You and Ymir both looked at each other in slight fear and pushed the double doors and tip toed to find a seat without being seen. However that plan was over to begin with.

"Excuse me you two, what time do you call this?" Professor Erwin spoke, his voice not loud but holding a firmness that halted your steps.

You were stood on the steps on the way to the spare seats in the hall, your back facing him. You both slowly turned around to face him, all the gazes from the students shifted from the board to you two.

You were filling with embarrassment, this is what they would know you as now. "Sorry I was lost..." You muttered, voice so quiet It could be seen as a pan of breath.

"Okay that's fine, I will let you off this time there better not be excuses for next time." he murmured, fingers flicking through some papers, assuming it was the register.

He was the type to actually check the register... you took a deep breath in, already dreading this module. His gaze shifted to Ymir. "Miss Ymir I thought this habit would change this year, I guess not." Erwin shook his head in disappointment. She merely rolled her eyes and scoffed.

"I expect all my students to be in my lesson when it is lesson time, if you are not here you will not be let in and be behind on content, please don't let this happen again both." His gaze focusing back on the slides on the board, you and Ymir found two spare seats and sunk in, the lecture theatre dead silent.

"Okay please look at the case law referenced on page 15 of your textbooks please." His instruction set everyone back into their pace, papers shuffling and typing pattering.

The breath you had hold In had left your body, nervous system already feeling irregular from this one interaction. You opened up your laptop and were already stressing that you were missing content. Ymir didn't have anything but just a sheet of paper and pen. Her hands behind the back of her head not seeming to care.

"He's so intense.." You whispered to her beside you. She nodded slowly "Yeah last year I missed so many of his lectures and seminars he failed one of my modules, had to retake over summer." She explained, despite that she still didn't seem to care about this module even though it was third year.

"I just can't be asked, I'll cram when we have exams." She added, noticing your silence. "Yeah fair enough, that stresses me out so much, I go into a panic if I have to do that too many times." You started scribbling down notes trying to make catch up with Erwin while speaking to Ymir.

The lecture was dragging on, coming to a point where your head was fried with information, Ymir had been checked out, daydreaming about god knows what. You opened up your bag and took out a carton of chocolate milk and started sipping on it.

This caused Ymir to glance at you, amusement coating her features. "Chocolate milk?" She questioned. You shrugged your shoulders. "it's comforting."

"So did you transfer from somewhere else for third year, I haven't seen you around before." she asked, you thought for a second before responding. "Yeah I did, I transferred from Marley University, just wanted a change." You responded, sipping on your drink.

Ymir didn't respond but just nodded in understanding, not wanting to pry too much. "How are you finding it all so far." She asked, scribbling on her page.

"I moved in a few days ago, I'm living with a girl called Sasha she's so sweet." You explained, Ymir smiled in amusement. "No way your Sasha's roommate, i'm so sorry..."

You looked at her with a puzzled expression. "She's a part of my friendship group, so random she ended up being your roommate."

"She's so great, she said she was going to introduce me to her friends, early intro I guess." You chuckled.

"Yeah there's a bunch of us who have been friends since high school, and just ended up going to the same uni, me and Historia are going to have lunch with two of them and Sasha if you want to join us." She smiled

"That would be nice, thank you" A soft smile grew on your cheeks, this transfer thing was feeling less stressful already.

The lecture was nearing the end and while finishing your drink you accidentally squeezed the carton too much and a slight squirt of the chocolate milk went on your jeans.

You looked down in annoyance and you could hear Ymir laugh laughing next to you. "Why did this have to happen now..." you rolled your eyes trying to wipe it off with a tissue.

"It looks like I took a huge watery shit, someone's gonna think I had diarrhoea," You scowled, already seeing the stained formed.

"Who has diarrhoea on their front..." Ymir still laughing at your state.

"Me clearly.."

You didn't realise the lecture theatre was emptying out, you and Ymir slowly walked out, suddenly feeling more self conscious.

As the students were rushing past you for their next class, you had told Ymir you needed to get to the bathroom, before your next class and you would meet her at lunch.

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

𝘗𝘓𝘈𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘎: [𝘛𝘌𝘓𝘓 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙 𝘍𝘙𝘐𝘌𝘕𝘋𝘚 ]- [𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘞𝘌𝘌𝘒𝘕𝘋]
1:35 ──────ㅇ───────── 3:47
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

Mimicking the chaotic nature of the hallway you couldn't help but speed walk to the bathroom, not paying much attention to your surroundings, instead of covering the stain with the hoodie you had brought you just ran.

Being hyper focused on the stain you didn't look forward and collided with a hard wall face forward casing you to trip.

Falling straight to the floor you groaned in pain, feeling as though you had been cursed for the day you had, a domino effect rippling through

"What type of big fucking wall?!" You spat annoyed.

"Did you reverse shit your pants or something?" You heard a deep voice mumble.

You could feel yourself recoil and internally want to crawl into a hole, feeling too embarrassed to even look up.

Before you could even see who it was the figure left as soon as they came.

Leaving you in a state of embarrassment that couldn't be made up.

"That was really fucking weird."

◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇

"Holy shit." Sasha's voice bellowed, her laugh echoing the already packed canteen.

You had gone to your class before seeing Ymir and the others for lunch not paying attention to a single thing except thinking about the odd interaction you had.

Now you were sat on a huge table, food scattered across with unfamiliar faces laughing while you recollected the situation.

The canteen was roaring in velocity, all the tables filled, some hunched over their textbooks some laughing with their mouths filled with food and some falling asleep in their seats.

The air was filled with a whiff of different fried foods, the sweet aroma of baked goods contrasting with the bitterness of coffee grounds. Your senses had been overwhelmed, exhaustion already taking an effect onto your body.

You had learnt the names of the others in the group, a silver haired boy who had one of those buzz cuts which were growing out, his Jordan 4's on display and graphic t. From the mere minutes of meeting him you could see that he was a reflection of Sasha, energy surging through him, speaking faster than he could think.

Next to you was Jean, his demeanour a lot more relaxed however still as chaotic as them, he was dressed quite sleek, in a quarter zip and baggy trousers. His fawn hair messy but tidy at the same time like he had spent years perfecting his look.

You had learnt he was a business student who was doing classes in art, an interesting combination to say the least.

Historia and Ymir were sat next to each other, indulged in their own conversation whilst the other three were focused on you.

"Yeah free you y/n, getting shouted at by Erwin, spilling faeces on yourself and bumping into someone." Connie chuckled, shoving one of Sasha's fries into his mouth.

She had noticed his action and started pulling his ear, his face in distress trying to push her away however she was relentless. "Don't take my food."

"I didn't spill shit onto myself, it was chocolate milk." You tried to defend yourself and felt a vibration next to you of Jeans laughter, his pearly whites showing.

"It's okay don't worry we aren't judging you, we have all shit ourselves." Jean stated with a slight smirk staring right at Connie.

Connie's face turned slightly red and a panicked expression grew. "Who's we bitch??? I have never shat myself ever." His hands waving everywhere, far too defensive.

Sasha's hand rested onto Connie's shoulder and a sarcastic sympathetic expression was plastered onto her features. "He once was walking home and had to shit so bad he ran home and right before he got to the toilet he crapped himself, fell right out his trouser as well." She explained.

That caused even Historia and Ymir to howl, "Listen it's not my fault I had Taco Bell, you can't blame me." he rolled his eyes, crossing his arms in an extremely sassy way.

"We can blame you, you legit had 5 burritos and everyone's tacos." Ymir quipped.

"Even Sasha didn't eat that much..." Jean added, you gazed at Sasha and saw her much down on her burger, sauce dripping down her chin.

After a short while the atmosphere calmed down, you didn't have any classes for the rest of the day meaning all you could think about was having a long shower and winding down, the conversation had relaxed and you all had started talking about their experiences in university so far.

"So do you have a boyfriend or anything y/n?" Jean asked randomly, you looked at him perplexed and shook your head to indicate no.

"Yo she don't want you dawg." Connie threw a fry at his head hitting his forehead, Jean wincing from the impact.

"Im not asking for me, just in case she wants to be set up, the Trost men be weird." Jean shrugged his shoulders. You rolled your eyes before responding.

"I don't want to be set up Jean, and yes the Trost men were evil....never again." You muttered, your response piqued everyone's interests.

"Oooo spill what they do?" Sasha asked with interest, leaning into the table so she could hear clearer.

"I never actually dated any of them, I just talked to a few, but they all would have secret girlfriends and just be cheating." You stated, they all nodded, not surprised as university was full of this, not that surprising.

"How were the parties though?" Connie asked.

"Yeah they were good, Sasha said she came to one of the ones I went to so I assumed you all did."

"Oh damn is it the one with the horse, that's were we got the nickname horserace for Jean." Connie laughed pointing at Jean, who had an annoyed expression smeared onto his face.

"Ugh move on man." He replied.

"Nah never, he basically looked exactly like the horse was there, the same coloured hair and he stood next to it and he was basically identical." Connie explained and that triggered a memory, recalling how the horse looked, the same coloured mane as Jean's hair.

"I see it." You giggled looking at Jean who was getting more annoyed the more you all talked about it.

"WELL, speaking of parties, Floch is hosting one at his parent's beach house next week we all have to be there." Jean looked at the group, trying to divert the conversation.

It worked and they all started talking about the party, who was going to be there and how it would go as the first party of the year.

"You're gonna be there right y/n?" Historia asked, her first time in a while partaking in the conversation.

"I need to smoke especially after today." You put your hands on your face, your elbows digging into the table. The group slightly chuckled at your comment.

"Oh yeah we got the craziest loud, you're gonna love it." Connie smiled, sticking his tongue out slightly.

"Thank fuck."You sighed.

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

𝘗𝘓𝘈𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘎: [𝘙𝘜𝘕𝘕𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘖𝘕 𝘌 ]- [𝘉𝘙𝘌𝘕𝘛 𝘍𝘈𝘐𝘠𝘈𝘡]
1:35 ──────ㅇ───────── 3:47
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

After a while the group had to disperse due to different commitments and classes, you had stayed in the library for a bit, catching up on the work you had missed in Erwins lecture, Sasha sat next to you her eyes hyper focused onto the same page of a powerpoint slide, it was obvious she was half asleep, her breath shallow and light.

You were the type to worry about falling back as you knew you would just procrastinate, but being in the library on your first proper day was something new.

"Stop stressing." Sasha mumbled, her voice airy, she looked at you with sympathetic eyes and a small smile. "It's your first proper day, we should be partying." She added, moving her curser to random things on her laptop.

"I know but I don't wanna fuck up this year." You leaned back into your seat, slouching, exhaustion creeping into your senses.

"I get that but you can't put this much pressure on yourself, you will burn out just from the stress." She looked at you while her head was In her palm, elbow on the oak table.

The library was completed deserted, only a few other students wandering through the book cases, more likely looking for something to leisurely read rather than studying.

"You're so wise Sasha." you smiled softly closing down your laptop and packing away. Sasha sighed in relief and quickly packed away, her energy seeming to grow again.

Damn everybody hating the library.

You both walked out the building there were many students littering the campus, freshman holding plastic bottles which were clearly filled with alcohol, different society groups doing different initiation rituals, while walking through the route to your dorm, you could see some sport society freshman students downing huge bottles of vodka and throwing up, making you wince.

The sun had set, the light hiding behind the stars that the gods planted. The cool air was pinching your skin, you were daze. Your hand had been interlocked with the auburn haired girls her fingers interlocking with yours. You hadn't felt such blooms in while. A new bond was forming , a new friendship.

It felt different, all your previous relationships in university and high school were transactional, not genuine, you would go out with them, they would help you If you helped them. You never had any real conversations with them except lacklustre gossip and help when they need something.

You only had a few solid bonds which were uncondtiional your brother, and at a distant time there was ....................

Warmth circulated all over your body as a small smile itched its way onto your face.

"What are you smiling at" Sasha turned to you with a toothy grin.

"I don't know..." You looked back, your arms now swaying between each other like a pendulum.

You both suddenly halted as Sasha let go of your hand and sprinted into a store full of baked goods. "I'll be a few minutes wait for me!!" she bellowed. Leaving you all alone in the street full of streetlights stubbornly shining into the light.

you looked around the empty street and set your gaze on a tall figure, the streetlight reflecting onto him. He was leaning on one of the poles, His phone in hand.

He was wearing oversized black sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. Silver piercings scattered across his ears.

His body was carved by Adonis himself.

His skin was sketched by the Gods engraved with shadows that faintly smelt like the ashes that came from the premises of hell. His face was moulded by granite making his features unyielding and immortal.

The moonlight was dancing on his face, sharpening it more. He lifted his gaze to meet yours. His lips drawn into a hard line. Both of your eyes lock together across a cosmic expanse, Infinite hues illuminating by the light.

His eyes were the color of mountain lakes and deep evergreen forests, piercing straight through you, leaving traces of his fingerprints onto your soul.

His long chocolate brown hair was put into a messy back bun, little hairs flicking out of the top, the messiness seeming deliberate.

Elation and a strange, almost sacred familiarity rippled through every crevice of your body. You've seen those eyes before in a dream, a memory, a fragment of something lost but your mind could not place them.

You force your gaze elsewhere, embarrassed by the intensity of your stare. He allows your escape for a heartbeat before his eyes burn into you one last time, icy and merciless a cold glare that was tearing away the temptation that tugged at your chest to have another glance.

He then walked away, leaving you in a strange, hollow solitude. You release the breath you didn't realize you were holding, letting your thoughts spiral and twist around themselves, binding you in both confusion and wonder.

But where there is no temptation , there is no immorality.

Chapter Text

⊱ ────── {⋆⌘⋆} ────── ⊰

𝘗𝘓𝘈𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘎: [𝘞𝘏𝘐𝘛𝘌 𝘍𝘌𝘙𝘙𝘈𝘙𝘐] - [𝘍𝘙𝘈𝘕𝘒 𝘖𝘊𝘌𝘈𝘕]
1:35 ──────ㅇ───────── 3:47
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

Millions of droplets cascaded from the overpowering cloak of darkness.

The velvety drops sunk its way into your skin, feeling the coldness numb your body.

The definite lightning that woke the gods, that broke the world into seven yet you're still hollow, still empty. The cracks of your soul being infected by the poison left behind.

"Why did you leave me?" you whisper, the words barely forming, In a world full of deserted dreams and stolen fairytales.

Your knees sunk into the thick mud, dead eyes staring at the stone that was set in front of you.

Take me, you beg silently,

take me to the world of open books and promised lands,

take me to the place you once ached for so desperately.

Why must you be the cause of their downfall?

Why must you be left behind, alone with the ghosts of everything you tried to save?

Your voice grows tired worn thin from incoherent words, from screams laced with rage, grief, and desperation. And then it happens.

Silence.

A silence that pierces you like thorns pressed into raw flesh.

A silence that wraps around you like a cold, merciless embrace.

A silence that feels almost alive,

almost hungry.

A silence that feels like the next life.

⊱ ────── {⋆⌘⋆} ────── ⊰

𝘗𝘓𝘈𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘎: [CHAPTER SIX] - [KENDRICK LAMAR]
1:35 ──────ㅇ───────── 3:47
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

"She's drooling all over her book."

"STOP TAKING PICTURES OF HER SASHA!" Historia yelled at Sasha, trying to grab the phone from Sasha's tight grip.

"THERE'S MOUTH PEE ALL OVER THE TABLE ." Sasha bellowed pointing at the drool over the desk.

The three girls were crowding around you while you were in deep sleep, watching you drool all over your expensive textbooks.

"She needs a break." The petite blonde looked at her friend with a sympathetic look.

"She can have a break at the party today" Ymir stated, sitting lazily on a beanbag in the corner, watching Historia still fight Sasha for her phone.

"LET'S WAKE HER UP!" Sasha shouted while taking pictures of you, getting closer so she could get all the angles.

"That's not a very good id-" Historia got cut off by you, waking up with pure rage plastered across your face.

"SASHA WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!" You shouted, getting up and trying to grab the phone off her.

"Nothing hehe." Sasha stood there with fear struck onto her features, while letting out a nervous laugh seeing your angry expression.

"If you put that on your close friends I swear I'll-"

"Will what?" The auburn girl's arms crossed and a smirk started growing on her face.

"You bitch." you got ready to chase her and Sasha started to sprint to the other side of the room.

You stood in front of her as she hid in the corner of her bed, ready to snatch the phone out of her hands.

"Please don't kill me, I'm too young to die." She nervously murmured.

Ymir was laughing at the sight, a grin setting on her face whilst Historia was sighing in annoyance, wanting to get ready and have a drink...

Her phone was in arms reach and you snatched it quickly ready to delete the pictures. Once you deleted them, you saw a person on her chats who looked familiar.

"Mikasa?" you whispered with confusion and familiarity wrapped around you.

"Did you delete them yet, I need to text Connie." Sasha yawned.

"Yeah yeah I did." you gave the phone back, your mind still trying to piece back the puzzle.

"You good?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," you stated blankly going to pick out different outfits for the function.

"If you say so." The auburn-haired girl hummed while getting up to get ready.

Historia started to unpack her duffle back she had brought as you all decided to get ready together whilst Ymir started opening up the bottle of vodka.

"Been waiting for this" Historia grabbed the shot glass that Ymir poured for her and downed it as fast as she could.

"Damn girl not too fast." Ymir chuckled, pouring her another drink.

"I need to let loose, gonna have to deal with Connie and Jean." She giggled starting her makeup.

The joint room had a few mirrors, one huge one on your side that you had brought and Sasha had her own, you were sat cross legged in front of yours with Historia sat beside.

Sasha sat by her mirror, snacks already prepared. Ymir sat on the beanbag pouring drinks for all of you, vodka and tropical juice, it was going to be a long night....

You were doing your skincare in a daze, still confused at the girl who you saw on Sasha's phone.

"You alright?" Historia looked at you whilst blending in her foundation, concern flashing slightly in her ocean eyes.

"I'm alright, I think Im just nervous, I haven't been out in a while." You answered, pushing away the unsettling feeling you had bubbling up in your stomach.

"Yeah I get it, don't worry too much the rest of the group are really great as well." She reassured you.

"I'm gonna get so fucked tonight!" Sasha yelled startling you, she was now stood behind you and Historia, her reflection grinning wildly in the mirror. She held two shot glasses and dropped them into your palms like they were gifts from hell.

"Why are you giving her two?" Ymir snorted, already sliding another shot toward Historia.

"Because," Sasha said, grinning, "she needs to chill out and loosen up. She's basically a nun."

"I am not a nun," you grumbled, but you were already giggling as you took the first shot. The vodka burned through your throat like liquid wildfire. Warmth spread through your chest, pooling in your stomach.

"That was so ass why are we doing this.." You hissed from the burn in your mouth, you backed the second one, feeling worse the second time.

"Because we need to be smashed to enjoy the party," Historia answered, raising her own glass before knocking it back with zero hesitation. She slammed it on the floor like a victor that returned from battle "Gimme another one" she smiled at Ymir who was already pouring another shot.

"Someone's excited," you teased.

Ymir leaned over Historia's shoulder, pressing a lazy kiss to the blonde's cheek. "She's showing off for her wife."

"Shut up..." She blushed, her cheeks dusted with rose as she lightly shoved her away, Ymir smirked and poked her cheek.

"So how and when did you guys get together? I wanna know everything" You asked, feeling the slight buzz trickling through your veins.

The two of them looked at each other with gently, Ymir moved her head to the side a smirk growing on her lips.

"Yeah, princess, go on, tell her the part where you pretended you didn't like me for, what six months?"

"Shut up," Historia hissed, rolling her eyes

You giggled, already invested. "Start from the beginning."

Historia tucked a strand of her golden locks behind her ear, cheeks growing warmer.

"As you know we all went to high school together and we were all friends, and were both pretty close, she was just always there but nothing ever happened in high school she just stuck by my side."

"That's not true you were always glued to me" Ymir corrected.

"No you were always following me around," Historia shot back. But she couldn't hold the glare for long as her lips softened. "Anyway Sasha invited us over for a game night at the old dorms in first year"

"Oh yeah," Sasha chimed in, mouth full of pretzels. "The night you two were giving the fuck me eyes at each other."

"We were not..." Historia started.

"You were," Sasha insisted. "You absolutely were."

Ymir grinned, eyes half-lidded with amusement. "She kept watching me roll the dice like I was stripping."

"I WAS NOT!" Historia's voice cracked with embarrassment, which only made you laugh more.

"Continue," you urged, smiling.

Historia hid her face which was now the same shade as a tomato in her hands for a moment before speaking again.

"So... everyone else went to the kitchen to get snacks and it was just us, it was quiet in that stupid little living room and then Ymir said something"

Ymir raised her hand interjecting before Historia could finish. "I said, 'If you keep staring at me like that, I'm gonna assume you want me"

Sasha snorted so loudly she nearly choked.

Historia glared at her before turning back to you. "And I told her, 'You wish.'"

"And then," Ymir said proudly, "she kissed me."

Historia scoffed. "You kissed me." throwing a straw at her.

"Baby you literally climbed into my lap."

"I WAS TRYING TO GET THE DICE FROM YOUR SIDE OF THE COUCH"

"You were trying to get to my lips." her smirked deepened

You covered your mouth, laughing in shock. "Wait so what happened after?"

"Nothing," Historia said quickly trying to stop the embarrassment she was being laced with.

"Don't lie babe" Ymir corrected. "We made out for fifteen minutes and pretended nothing happened the next day."

Historia's face was soft, flustered, glowing. "I think we were kinda scared to ruin the friendship."

"But you still kept making out every time you saw each other" Sasha stated, raising a brow.

Historia threw a pillow at her. "Not the point."

Sasha grinned knowingly. "I knew since day one. You guys were so obvious. Like, painfully."

You looked between Ymir and Historia and smiled at the way they looked at each other, full of knowing and pure tenderness.

Their love wasn't loud it was quiet, accidental, built from friendship and wilful glances and one game night kiss that set everything up.

"You guys are disgustingly cute" you chuckled, grabbing the bottle from the carpet and pouring a shot for everyone.

Historia groaned again and looked away, starting to blend her eyeshadow, her smile had betrayed her face as the two of them looked at each other in the reflection of the mirror as Ymir was sat behind, devotion pooling around them.

You all clinked your shot glasses together the rim of glass tapping like it was a promise of the unknown of tonight.

The burn that had previously coated your throat had become a lot more muted and the knots that had been tightening in your chest were slowly loosening.

The music was prancing through the room, SZA was playing soft but steady, you were all slightly swaying, lyrics humming between you all, you were rummaging through the outfits you had picked out, feeling conflicted.

Sasha had already changed, she looked gorgeous, her auburn hair straightened with a dark red mini dress wrapped around her.

You were the only one not dressed, the others stood with you trying to make a decision, Sasha was laying down outfits on the bed, Historia joined in, humming along to the music while picking through fabrics, occasionally putting the tops against your chest then shaking her head when it wasn't right.

At the end the two of them decided on a burgundy laced top and a black mini skirt, the sleeves long however the neckline was low. They all nodded with an impressed look, even Ymir who was silently observing commented.

"Damn you gonna get some dick tonight." She stated nonchalantly, you rolled your eyes with a slight grin.

"Nah I'm not...." You were brushing off the imaginary dust off your clothes, slightly on edge.

"Yeah you look sexy spread them legs babe." Sasha teased, her tongue slightly poking out her mouth.

"Don't play with me I will." You teased back, pointing at her.

"Who said i'm playing..." Sasha gasped dramatically and clutched her chest.

Ymir and Historia were already watching you and Sasha with wide grins, and the moment Sasha stuck her tongue out at you, they burst into laughter. "You both are unhinged." Historia giggled.

Ymir lifted up her shot glass in the air "To y/n getting some dick tonight." She chanted, you shook your head however laughter was bubbling out of you.

"Hopefully, cuz she needs it......"

⊱ ────── {⋆⌘⋆} ────── ⊰

𝘗𝘓𝘈𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘎: [𝘈𝘚𝘛𝘙𝘖𝘛𝘏𝘜𝘕𝘋𝘌𝘙] - [𝘛𝘙𝘈𝘝𝘐𝘚 𝘚𝘊𝘖𝘛𝘛]
1:35 ──────ㅇ───────── 3:47
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

The night unwrapped itself like a forbidden scripture, pages inked in twilight, the sky still bruised with the last breath of the sun as it drowned beneath the horizon's edge. The beach house pulsed with a rhythm older than hyroglifix itself, bass trembling through the wooden bones of the floorboards, a heartbeat coaxed from the earth's core. Outside, the waves were crashing with the hunger of gods long starved, their parched mouths devouring the carnal desire that was bleeding from the sinful ghosts, then spitting it back out in foamed confessions.

The house was overflowing with bodies, limbs tangled and swaying, skin glowing with sweat under the bruised neon lights. The air thick with the perfume of sin that was threading between the lonesome souls and clinging to walls that encompassed them, stark and hollow. You felt as though your body was floating through a veil of fog as the hazy burn of weed and the sharpness of the alcohol overtook your senses.

The music was escaping from every door and window like screams of complete ruination. Your palms had started to become slick from sweat, nerves prickling along your spine as the crowd pressed in around you leading to anxiety blooming slowly in your chest.

The four of you entered together, however the three had dispersed quite quickly as they found people to catch up with, Sasha had held your hand and said she was going to be quick however it had been over twenty minutes and there was no sight of her.

You were walking through the building steadily, trying to capture the different scenes you were witnessing, frat boys shouting and dapping each other up while playing different drinking games, solo cups scattered across the wooden floors.

You walked into a room far quieter than the chaos you'd just broke off from, the bass thinning into a low hum of Travis Scott, that palpitated gently. The air felt cooler in there, calmer, as if the room had been inhaling the desires of the residents inside. It was almost a reddish amber colour, not too dark however there was red light-emitting that created a somber effect.

Giant glass doors stretched across on the other side, the outside laid out like a living painting. A long rectangular pool glimmered beneath the night, lights blooming from the water's depths, glowing softly almost dreamlike. There were various people dispersed around, some submerged within the warm ripples, only in their underwear and some stood around, cups in hand.

You looked around to see various sofas habited with guests and clouds of greyish white dancing along with the bass, You squinted to see a familiar silhouette sprawled across one of the sofas. You slowly strolled towards the sofa, looking down to see Jean laid down across with a half smoked joint between his fingers.

You huffed a small laugh which made him glance up at you, his eyes dazed and slightly red and a ghost smile plastered across his lips once he recognised you.

"Hi y/n, he hummed, now sitting up and putting his hand down to the space next to him, indicating you to sit. You plopped yourself next to him and looked at his features, he was in bliss.

"How are you Jean?" you asked, looking around the room.

"I'm chilling, everyone's outside right now..." he pointed towards the pool, you now noticed Sasha and Connie outside, who were doing shots in the pool.

The doors were fully opened, letting the cool breeze hover through the space, goosebumps rising on your skin.

A sigh left your lips, you needed to smoke. "Who even is Floch?" you questioned, realising you didn't even know the man hosting.

"Oh, Floch's some rich guy who always hosts these parties," Jean mumbled laying down on the couch again and letting his legs sit on top of your lap.

"There isn't much to him, he's kinda just there you know." he added, letting his head rest onto the armrest.

"Yeah, I get what you mean." You replied watching the wisps of silver, grey smoke dance out of his mouth into the hazy air. The atmosphere feeling more stuffy. He closed his eyes as a long sigh escaped him.

"Wanna hit?" He breathed out, holding the joint out to you.

"Yeah sure."

He handed you the joint and you took one long hit, a river of elation hitting your lungs.

Everything seemed a little more tranquil now.

You felt piercing needles burying its way into the back of your head as you sat in silence, your eyes feeling more heavy. You turned around to see if you were being stared at you noticed that it was the mysterious boy who you were entranced by.

He stood leaning on a wall, solo cup in his hand, as he blatantly ignored the girl who was trying to converse with him. Instead, he shot you another harsh glare, crashing all your systems down.

His hair in a low messy bun and his chest covered in a black t-shirt, with baggy black jeans, his hands covered in rings.

This time his eyes weren't as clear and glossy as before. They were dark and cloudy, rings of red around his teal hues. Why was he staring at you? you had never talked to him before.

He was a glossy-eyed illusion built for the Gods that carved him, for the world that held him imprisoned.

He slowly drank out the cup but his icy glare never left. You felt yourself sink into the couch as the world around became a mere spectator to the disillusion that prevailed itself in you.

The boy gave you one last glare followed up by an eye roll and left. Leaving you alone again with this pent up bewilderment sprouting inside.

Chapter Text

✧༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ ❋ ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝✧

𝘗𝘓𝘈𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘎: [NEW DROP] - [DON TOLIVER]
1:35 ──────ㅇ───────── 3:47      
↻      ◁ II ▷     ↺

The moss coloured poison seeped through your bloodstream, curling through every artery until your own blood felt foreign, poisoned, yet deliciously so. Your body slackened into a bliss you couldn't have assembled sober, every inhale dissolving the edges of the room.

Time had slipped past, eyelids heavy as your tongue unraveled a language you couldn't compute, voice splintering into incoherent pieces. 

"Bro that's insane." Jean breathed out, his hand in a bag of snacks you couldn't name, the joint that had previously tainted your fingers had been long gone but the effects still present.

"Yeah I know, I'm still traumatised." You replied, looking around the expanse of the room and it felt a lot more crammed with bodies than before...

How much time had passed?

"What are you guys talking about?" Ymir walked over to you and Jean with her eyebrows raised at current position you were both in. 

You hadn't even heard her approach the two of you, her voice cut through the conversation that felt like a mere jumble of words. You were both still laying on the couch but on opposite ends as your feet were touching together pretending to be a bicycle. Her stance was completely towering over you, her arms crossed.

"I was telling Jean the story about how my cousin killed my frog."

"He will be missed." He replied, putting his hand to his heart quite dramatically.

Ymir stared at the two of you with complete bewilderment, as she let out a long sigh. Somehow she was still sober despite the overwhelming atmosphere.

"You guys have been sitting there for two hours, go do something else." She shook her head and grabbed both of your wrists forcing you both to stand up.

Your legs felt like jelly due to the mix of the haze you were in and your body being in a uncomfortable position.

"Ok mother." Jean rolled his eye with annoyance.

You turned to Jean and nudged his arm, making him look at you.

"I bet you she likes being called mommy in bed." you giggled.

"PFFT."

Ymir overheard the obscure conversation and her cheeks became flaming hot red, eyes widening.

Letting out a huff of annoyance she dragged you two out of the room and making you go outside.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

The bitter taste of chlorine coated your tongue, carried by the damp night air drifting off the pool as you stared at the chaos in front of you.

People were making out in the glowing water, bodies moving like blurred watercolours beneath the turquoise light. The music's sweet vibrations throbbed through the patio, your senses slowly overwhelming with the change of atmosphere.

Pool chairs were scattered with bodies some slouched and laughing. Some couples grinding against each other in slow rhythms not noticing the havoc around them. Shot glasses clinked and travelled from hand to hand like secret offerings to the deities observing the sins. A group was shouting over a half-collapsed beer pong table, balls flying across as drinks were messily drunk.

Jean looked like he was taken in by the waves of tranquillity as his eyes were glossed and dazed with a new emotion.

You followed his gaze onto a girl sitting on one of the pool chairs. She was breathtaking, her lips stained with a wine red, her tresses were tied back into a ponytail and her neck was littered in silver necklaces and chokers. She was dressed in a black corset top, fishnets covering her legs and a pleated skirt.. She was insanely beautiful. You felt your jaw drop as you looked at her in awe.

She looked familiar, who was she?

"Who's that Jeanyboy?" you whispered, leaning into his frame.

He did not react to your question, realising that your words were probably dimmed due to the music.

"Jean!" you spoke louder, trying to get his attention.

"Jean!"

You gave up on shouting and instead stepped on his foot and he let out a loud yelp.

"The fuck was that for?!" he hissed from the pain.

"Who's that girl?" you pointed at the girl he was staring at.

He became flustered at your question as his cheeks bloomed in a slight burnt red and the tips of his ears became a soft pink.

"Uhh, that's Mikasa." He gave you a soft smile while your pupils dilated at the name which you had previously heard.

Mikasa....

"Mikasa, Mikasa." you softly mumbled trying to remember how you knew her, recognising the name off Sasha's phone.

"Hey, are you go-" He was cut off by a large boom of noise coming near the two of you.

"Hey bitches!" Connie shouted while putting his arms on both of your shoulders. You and Jean grimaced at the sudden physical contact.

"I thought you guys were fucking cuz you were taking so long in that room." Connie wiggled his eyebrows, looking between the two of you.

"EWWW never." you  fake vomited, exaggerating your disgust at the remark.

"What do you mean ew y/n i'm a work of art." he moved away from connie to flex his biceps and grinned.

You rolled your eyes and let out a sigh, feeling your body release the high that had entrapped you.

You felt a tap on your back and you turned to see your friend that had disappeared, two shot glasses ,filled with a brownish coloured drink in her hand and she pushed one of the glasses between your fingers. "Have this right now." She commanded, you softly smiled and shook your head and you slipped the glass between your glossy lips and downed the drink.

Strong and gross...

You watched her slam her shot, wincing from the strong taste, "Doesn't get any easier.." She muttered. You chuckled and felt a hand on your shoulder, Connie now standing next to you with a hurt expression.

"You didn't get one for me and horserace?" He croaked, moving his gaze to Jean who pretended to wipe away a tear.

"Do I look like a bottle girl to you, get your own drinks." She rolled her eyes and grabbed your hand, "I only do this for my wifey." She added, pressing a kiss onto the back of your hand.

You looked at her with a teasing smile, pressing a kiss onto her cheek. "Love you Sash." 

Connie moved closer to Jean and moved his fingers onto his arm, teasingly moving his fingers onto his skin. "Jean....please get me a drink..." he puckered his lips about to kiss him on the cheek as well.

Jean quickly shoved him away and huffed, "Get the fuck off me you freak" He grumbled.

You and Sasha broke out into laughter witnessing their interaction, "Jean come on get Connie a drink.." You lightly taunted. 

"Yeah Jean..come on." Sasha giggled, Jean just sighed and dragged a hand across his face.

"He can get his own shit." He stated, Connie who was now pouting, "Why can't you be like how Sasha is with y/n with me?" He questioned.

"Cuz you stink." he answered, turning around to leave the conversation. Once he had walked away the three of you burst out into laughter, watching him join another group of guys who were playing beer pong.

You all decided to follow him and ended up watching a game between Jean and another auburn haired boy, Jean shouting and winning against him. While you stood watching you felt a heavy presence next to you, soft skin brushed up against your arm.

You looked up to see a familiar face, a tall slender man with short golden locks, the second you had locked eyes, realisation hit between the two of you.

"Colt?!"

"Y/n?!"

"Yo what you doing here??" Colt questioned, grabbing your shoulders without thinking, you looked at him with wide eyes, hesitation filling you.

"I go to Shiganshina now.." You replied, his brows crinkled from your response.

You weren't particularly close to anyone at your previous university, you had gone out, made friends, gone out with those friends however there was not much out of that. So telling anyone you were transferring felt redundant.

"That's crazy I thought you were just starting late or something..." He commented, scratching his scalp, "Why didn't you tell us that you transferred?" he added.

You paused, feeling your mouth open and close not knowing how to respond, there wasn't much to it just the fact that you just didn't feel the need to say, you weren't in contact in summer or any other time if there wasn't a party.

"Uhhh..." 

"Yo y/n you wanna play?" luckily your conversation had been interrupted by the silver haired boy.

"Yeah sure." you replied, walking towards the table which was breaking apart and you felt a presence behind you.

"I'll play as well." Colt hummed, "like old times huh." 

You smiled and both went to each sides of your table, and were fiddling with the ball between your fingers.

"Are you still ass at this?" he asked, a grin growing on his lips

You grimaced at his statement, feeling offended. "I'm ass? are we forgetting when you hit that old lady with a ball." You chuckled which lead him to laugh with you.

As you were about to play you felt holes burning into the back of your head, turning around to get a better look, you saw the same teal eyed boy. This time his head was tilted and he radiated a quiet menace. He was sitting on the ledge of the pool and his feet were sunk into the water, while two girls sat beside him giggling for whatever reason. You felt your knees go weak as his gaze intensified.

You quickly snapped your head back to the game noticing a ball floating in one of the cups closest to you.

"Drink y/n!" Connie shouted, you quickly drank from the cup, your stomach starting to feel strange from the random mix of liquids you were having.

"You better pay attention or you're gonna lose." Colt smirked, "Don't worry about that, you're cooked." You responded, throwing a ball into one of his cups.

You heard Sasha cheer next to you, feeling confidence grow you grinned at Colt, who in turned huffed in a joking manner.

"Maybe your not that bad then.." 

You both carried on playing until you reached a tie, one cup on each side, surprised you had made it that far, you looked at Sasha with a shocked expression.

At this point there was a huge group of people around you watching the game, a slight tension lurched throughout the patio.

"Let's make a bet." Colt declared, looking straight at you.

"hmm what do you wanna bet on?" You replied, looking straight back at him.

"If I win, you owe me a dance." He quipped, his teeth slightly flashing from a smile.

"And If I win?" 

"I owe you a dance." He replied, a cocky tone drifting to you.

you looked at him, arms crossed, head slightly to one side, "Nah you gotta twerk for everyone here." You asserted.

You could feel eyes on you once the words left on your lips, Sasha laughing and Colt chuckled at your response.

"Bet."

Colt held the porcelain ball between his fingers, extreme focus within his hues, it as though the world had silenced for him. He flicked his wrist slightly, the ball leaving his fingers and flying through the air.

It had hit the rim of the cup, not inside and bouncing off the table onto the floor.

"Fuck" he cursed, putting his hands on his head, you cheered "TWERK MOTHERFUCKER"

He looked up, the crowd around were cheering at you, one person coming up to you with a drink.

You looked through the crowd and could see the boy's gaze still attached to you, perplexed you shook it off and looked back at Colt.

"Come on then...." You urged

He rolled his eyes and someone had played sexxyred, he started to move around, awkward and not right, you all just laughed.

Connie had joined in, no one had asked him too but he just loved sexxyred you guessed??

After the song ended, the group dispersed, leaving only you and the core group and Colt, whose cheeks were slightly pink from embarrassment.

You all stood in a circle, drinks in hand. "Well done y/n didn't think you would win to be honest." He stated, tipping his cup towards you.

You jokingly glared from the rim of your cup, looking a Sasha who also looked at him in slight disgust. "That's rude I'm so talented." Sasha nodded in agreement.

"Yo so who wants more shots?" Connie side eyed all of you,

"Obviously.."

He had poured you all one and you all clinked your glasses together, the music had turned louder, the smooth melody that had been caressing you had turned into something more apparent, your bodies drifting to the room inside, hips swaying and mind slightly dazed. You were dancing in a room full of sins and intoxicated breaths.

Your body had been dragged into tangerine flames that had taken you into its embrace. Your vision was blurred and your blood had been replaced with liquid energy, the adrenaline coursing through you.

✧༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ ❋ ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝✧

𝘗𝘓𝘈𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘎: [𝘍𝘜𝘊𝘒 𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘞𝘖𝘙𝘓𝘋] - [𝘉𝘙𝘌𝘕𝘛 𝘍𝘈𝘐𝘠𝘈𝘡]
1:35 ──────ㅇ───────── 3:47 
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

The sickening atmosphere finally drove you outside, the cool bite of the sea air rushing your lungs clean. The sharp salt clung to your tongue, grounding you in a way nothing inside could.

You kept walking, away from the pounding music and the sweaty bodies and the chaos that didn't know how to adjourn. The beach had always been a refuge for you. A quiet religion beneath the stars.

You felt yourself walk onto the warm, golden sand, you slipped your heels off and your feet sank into the velvet gleam, feeling a serene intensity wash over you. The waves were serenading you with its rhythmic movements. The darkness always hid the whirlwind of desire and despair, something which you thought was a curse for the human mind.

You were looking down at the sand covering your skin and finally looked up. To your left you saw him again.

The boy whose stare had lingered on you all night.

This time, his teal eyes were fixed on the tide, watching waves collide and collapse into foam. His hair was down now, chocolate strands playing with the wind, softer than he had allowed them to be before. He almost looked gentle, too far to grasp but too close to comprehend.

Confidence bloomed in your chest, foreign but intoxicating and your legs moved without permission, carrying you to stand beside him.

He didn't look up. Didn't shift. Didn't acknowledge you.

"Why are you here?"

His voice startled you, it was the first time you heard his voice, it was everything which you had expected. It was deep with a hint of hoarseness and it completely lacked emotion.

"I don't know, honestly."

He let out a sigh, finally turning his head toward you, disgust prevalent on his face.

Your nose twitched from annoyance at his expression.

"What's your problem?" You asserted, your eyebrows slightly furrowed.

"I don't have one." He replied, his tone cold and uninterested. It was detached enough to ignite something sharp under your skin.

"You fucking do," you insisted. "You kept staring at me the entire night."

A humorless laugh slipped from his mouth. It didn't match the peace settling in your bones. It didn't match the way this moment felt suspended outside of reality.

He looked like vindication, I wonder if all the other fallen angels sounded the way he did.

"You're assuming," he drawled. "How do you even know I was looking at you?" His features holding no emotion.

Your narrowed your eyes at him, disbelief sinking into your tongue.

"Don't even lie I know you were." You rolled your eyes slightly.

He tilted his head to the side and his pink lips twitched into a smug infuriating smirk.

"Listen you're the one who's been stalking me, so I don't know what you mean by staring." He stated nonchalantly, his hand going through his hair.

Your body jerked in offence from his comment, looking at him in shock.

"Stalker?!"

"You ran into me with your shitty pants," he said flatly, "and then stared at me in the street, sounds stalkerish." The boy kept his gaze on you as embarrassment filled every crevice of your nervous system, Your jaw dropped and eyes widened.

"It wasn't, I didn't.." Your mouth suddenly felt dry, the words trapped within your throat, caged.

His gaze pinned you, and suddenly you were back in that moment, the panic still prevalent.

"It wasn't shit!," you sputtered. "It was chocolate milk that spilled on me in class. And I wasn't staring at you, I was looking at a sign." you coughed, trying to regulate yourself as you still felt uneasy.

"A sign yeah?" he echoed, one brow lifting.

"Yeah...." you replied, tone hesitant.

A silence bloomed slightly between the two of you, your gazes still on one another.

"You're lying," he concluded, shaking his head.

"I'm not...."

He tucked his hands into his pockets, now moving his body to face you instead of the ocean, squinting his eyes slightly.

"Who the fuck drinks chocolate milk in class?" He shot, his face held amusement but his eyes contradicted that, looking empty and hollow.

He looked like a melancholic enigma, his orbs deceived any emotion he held on his face.

Where did he hide his desires? Did he hide them in his eyelids? so every time he opened them they would dissolve into the clutches of time. Did he hide them from the devil? frightened that he would be exiled again.

"I do, and what" you muttered, crossing your arms.

A small chuckle came from the man, a piece of metal in his mouth reflected onto the moonlight.

"You seem very strange."

"I didn't even do anything, you don't even know me." You replied, playing with the ends of your top.

His laughter came to a close and his stoic expression came back, his eyes gazing back at the ocean as though nothing had happened.

You hugged your arms around yourself, suddenly feeling the chill from the late night.

"Why are you here, shouldn't you be at the party?" you questioned, feeling goosebumps grow on your skin.

"You shouldn't ask such invasive questions." He stated, eyes still set onto the sea.

You frowned at him. "Fine, can you at least tell me your name? or is that invasive too?"

His head turned slowly, meeting your eyes with unsettling steadiness.

"Eren Yeager."

Your heartbeat startled inside your chest, familiarity blooming.

"Eren."

Chapter Text

𝘗𝘓𝘈𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘎: [𝘝𝘐𝘚𝘐𝘖𝘕𝘚 𝘖𝘍 𝘎𝘐𝘋𝘌𝘖𝘕 ] - [𝘚𝘜𝘍𝘑𝘈𝘕 𝘚𝘛𝘌𝘝𝘌𝘕𝘚]

1:35 ──────ㅇ───────── 3:47    
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

"What do you think about love?"

"I think it's scary."

The young girl who was laying on the grails made from the heavens ears perked. Scary? How can something built which was built with so much sanctity be scary? She had always thought the mere thought of the desire of feeling such immense feelings was beautiful.

She had always wished that one day her withered flower of a heart could bloom into something so intense and filling.

"What's so scary about love?" The girl asked whilst the icecream in her hand dribbled to the ground.

"Careful, you're going to make a mess." The boy quickly cleaned up the mess she had made.

She gave him a small smile while he only had a stoic look. Her smile widened and he let out a little giggle.

"You still haven't answered my question yet."

He glanced back at the sea, his mind drowning in whirlpools.

He had always wondered what that emotion was. His heart and mind lacked the understanding to process it all.

To him, the sunset which the gods painted had lost its color and the grey tones reminded him of the churned up feeling in his stomach.

To him, the blood in human veins was replaced with dusty embers.

To him, the feeling of his heart lighting on fire broke him apart. He would rather burn into a crisp than give himself away.

The young boy gave a warm smile to the girl and laughed.

"I guess we will never know."

𝘗𝘓𝘈𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘎: [𝘗𝘙𝘐𝘝𝘐𝘓𝘌𝘎𝘌 ] - [𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘞𝘌𝘌𝘒𝘕𝘋]
1:35 ──────ㅇ───────── 3:47 
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

The call of the angels dragged you out of whatever abyss you'd fallen into. Light pierced straight through your eyelids, slicing your dreams open. You flinched, turning your face away, but the glow still leaked through the blinds, holding you captive.

Your throat felt like sandpaper, your head pulsed with a slow, sticky ache, mind hazy as you felt a dull ache sear into the back of your ribs.

Hungover.. you were definitely hungover

You blinked a few times, trying to glue the fragments of the night together.

You were in your dorm, on your bed and still wearing the same clothes from last night, your skirt was pulled up and top hanging off your shoulders slightly.

A sour breath of confusion escaped you, the breath slightly stabbing your organs.

How the hell did you get here?

You pushed yourself upright, already feeling the nausea rush up to you, palms sinking into the sheets, stomach tilting. Your mind felt fuzzy like ink that had been coated with water, the memories dripping.

You tried to remember what had happened, it was all coming slowly.

The joint, the beer pong, the array of drinks, the bet.

The teal hues observing your every move until you lost the ability to breath.

Your chest tightened, a quiet crush of anxiety curling under your ribs, the previous dull ache intensifying into a gnawing pain, as everything blurred at the edges, the memories slowly coming into place.

↠━━━━ღ◆ღ━━━━↞

"Eren Yeager."

"Eren!"

You stood in shock, staring at the teal eyed boy. His face was still in a stoic expression, while your lips quivered and tears threatened to leave your eyes.

It was him.

"Eren it's me!"

"What do you mean?"

"It's me Y/n don't you remember!?"

"No I don't know who you are, we have never met."

He wasn't real anymore, he was a trail of turpentine and lit matches.

Light up for me, please

Glow like how you use to.

You gulped and let out a hesitant smile.

"I probably mistook you for someone else, I'm sorry."

It was melancholically absurd how heaven was painted in your eyes, yet that became the cause of our demise.

↠━━━━ღ◆ღ━━━━↞

A sharp pinch of cold entered my heart, you felt the tainted blue rivers of hope diminish into thin air.

You sat on the edge of the bed with your head planted between your hands, head throbbing from the aftereffects.

"Heyo." The auburn-haired girl walked into the room, looking lively as ever. She placed a couple of take out bags onto the table and she fell right onto the bed with a thump.

"How are you not dead Sasha?" You grumbled, reaching out for one of the bags.

"Well my dear friend I honestly don't know, my hangovers are never bad." She replied, looking at your state, your makeup was smeared across your face and your expression full of exhaustion.

"You look fucked." She plainly stated, getting up and rummaging through her draws. She walked towards you and placed some aspirin into the palm of your hand.

She sat across your bed, grabbing one of the bags as well, and you both sat in comfortable silence, eating your food.

Your mind was overflowing with thoughts of the teal eyed boy, his voice replaying like an alarm that refused to die, its hum vibrating through your bones.

"Hey Sasha, what's that Eren guy like?" You asked casually, despite the slight cracking of your bones, the question caught her off guard, causing her to slightly choke on her food.

Her reaction gave you a sense of bewilderment, why had his name caused a strong response.

"How do you know him?" she asked, her voice slightly edged.

"I dunno, I just saw him at the party and someone told me his name." You despised the fact that the lie left your lips, but it was much better than the veracity of what had occurred.

"Well, he's something, he's like uhh I dunno how to explain." 

"He sometimes gets into arguments but somehow he keeps to himself." She added

You nodded, wanting her to continue.

"He's pretty funny actually but in a sarcastic kinda rude way, he's pretty popular cuz of the piercings and tattoos if you get me."

"He's not even that hot," You grumbled while eating. Sasha snorted, then you started laughing too, the sound stretching the tension in your chest until it loosened.

"Did you talk to him or something?" she questioned, leaning forward and taking a bite of your food.

"No, I didn't talk to him.", another lie was stitched onto your ribs, the ache metastasising slowly.

She didn't push for more information and instead just smiled softly, she got up and moved her position to sit between your legs, turning around and giving you a wide smile.

"Can you do pigtails on me again?"

Let me shower at least," You stated while hitting her on the head.

"Meanie."

𝘗𝘓𝘈𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘎: [𝘗𝘐𝘕𝘒+𝘞𝘏𝘐𝘛𝘌 ] - [𝘍𝘙𝘈𝘕𝘒 𝘖𝘊𝘌𝘈𝘕]

1:35 ──────ㅇ───────── 3:47 
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

The loud chatter of the classroom dragged you out of the fog you'd been drifting through, you hadn't realised you had fell into a slumber, your head between your hands on the desk.

"Hey, y/n are you good?" you heard Ymir question, voice with a slight hint of concern.

"Yeah, I'm good," You replied with a sheepish smile, moving your head up and blinking to see Ymir, who was staring at you with her usual half-bored expression however this time she had a concerned look, matching her tone.

"You sure..." she raised a brow, not buying your words. "You been weird this week." She added, her statement blunt however not incorrect.

 "I'm fine, seriously don't worry" You let out a breathy laugh and nudged her arm.

"Uh huh....sure.." She dragged, reaching into her bag with a sigh and dug around, then tossed something wrapped in tinfoil onto your desk without looking at you.

"What's that?" You looked at her with wide eyes, slightly surprised.

"Food." She stated, already leaning back in her chair and looking at Professor Erwin who was pointing at some slides. "Don't make it weird."

You unwrapped the tin foil to see a homemade breakfast burrito, you noticed earlier in the class she was eating something similar, that meant she had made both on purpose.

Her eyes were still focused on Erwin however a soft smile overtook your features, feeling lighter. "Thank you Ymir."

"It's not a big deal." She shrugged, looking back at you now.

"Yesterday you looked like you were gonna die, so had to make sure that didn't happen today." 

Despite her voice holding an insane amount of cool, the actions contradicted that, warmth emanating throughout the lecture hall.

"Your lucky Erwin didn't see you sleep, bro would make you do an extra ten essays." She chuckled.

You looked down at your laptop and realised you hadn't jotted down any notes from the lecture and an involuntary sigh left your lips.

"Don't worry I actually paid attention for once, I'll send you my notes." She added, nonchalance still threaded into every word.

"Thank you, you're really saving me today." You smiled and took another bite and felt your chest loosen a little.

"Hey, do you know if there's a makeup store near campus?" 

Ymir gave you a flat stare.

"Don't talk with your mouth full, dumbass."

You swallowed dramatically. "Makeup store?"

"There's one down the road." She stretched lazily. "What do you even need?"

"Eyeliner."

"Of course," she muttered. "Should've guessed."

↠━━━━ღ◆ღ━━━━↞

The class had ended and soon you were walking down the pavement with your headphones in, Lana's voice tugging at your thoughts like a loose thread. The air was crisp, the bronzed leaves crunching at your footsteps. The world around you was now out of your reach, the noise in your chest was clawing at you, the unease and curiosity, somehow the fragility of it all kept swirling no matter how many times you tried to extinguish it.

The store was overwhelming, the aisles gleamed under artificial lights, your eyes slightly squinting as  you scanned the shelves, hunting for the right eyeliner like it might disappear.

You didn't notice the person behind you until you backed straight into them.

"Shit."

"Fuck."

You bowed your head instantly, mortification burning hotter than the overhead lamps above you, this was the second time you'd done this, at this point you should win an award for bumping into people.

You immediately apologised but your gaze was focused on the ground as the embarrassment was overwhelming.

"It's fine," a soft voice said. "Don't worry."

You looked up to see dark grey eyes and familiar red wine lipstick.

Mikasa.

The same girl from the party, now dressed in a black turtleneck tucked into a long pleated skirt, fishnets, chunky Docs. Her hair was tied up in messy space buns, bangs falling like quiet curtains around her face. She held the novel Carmilla in one hand and an eyeliner she clearly didn't need help picking.

"Are you okay?" she asked, gently.

Your mouth moved before your brain approved anything.

"You're... hotter up close." coughing hoping she didn't hear you.

"Umm thank you." She said sheepishly, tucking her hair behind her ears and her cheeks were tinted with light pink.

"Are you the girl who was with Jean?" she asked, her head slightly to the side.

"Um yeah, I am." 

She giggled, soft, warm, a little shy and reached for another eyeliner on the shelf, handing it to you.

"This one's better."

You swore the world tilted.

"Oh, thanks." You were far too flustered than you wished.

Then she leaned in just slightly.

"Are you listening to Lana?" she asked with a small smile.

Your soul staggered and eyes widened at her question.

"Yeah I am how did you know?"

She pointed at your headphones. "I can hear West Coast."

You fumbled with your phone, lowering the volume in a panic. Her laugh bubbled out again, soft.

"It's okay. I love Lana," she said.

"You like Lana?!" you burst out, throwing your hands a little too enthusiastically.

"Yeah... it might be a bit basic, but Pretty When You Cry is my favorite."

"That's literally one of my favorites." You gasped dramatically.

You walked to the register together, talking about music, clothes, the party, eyeliner, everything and nothing. 

It felt easy, strangely easy.

You both left the store together and paused in front of the doors, she looked at you sweetly.

"You forgot to introduce yourself."

Your stomach tightened.

"My name is Y/n l/n"

Her expression shifted, just for a second. Something flickered, then vanished. Her voice cooled.

"Mikasa Ackerman." She looked down at her hands awkwardly, then looked back up to you.

"I need to go somewhere now I'm sorry, it was really nice to meet you." she added, you couldn't say anything but just nod and watch her walk away.

You inhaled sharply as your eyes caught movement, two boys waiting for her.

A blonde with glasses and Eren.

Teal eyes locking onto you with something unreadable before he rolled them and turned away.

The three walked off, leaving the air behind them strangely heavy.

You stood there, eyeliner in hand, pulse climbing your throat.

Why did this happen now?

Chapter Text

⊱ ───── {.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.} ──── ⊰

𝘗𝘓𝘈𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘎: [𝘜𝘕𝘌 𝘉𝘈𝘙𝘘𝘜𝘌 𝘚𝘜𝘙 𝘓'𝘖𝘊𝘌𝘈𝘕] - [𝘈𝘕𝘋𝘙É 𝘓𝘈𝘗𝘓𝘈𝘕𝘛𝘌]

1:35 ──────ㅇ───────── 3:47
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

'Swallowing the darkness is the only way you can taste the light.'

That's what the young boy had always told her. She had always wondered where he had found that phrase.

He had always preferred thunder over the light, bitter cranberries over the sweet taste of strawberries and apples.

Where would he hear such beautiful words?

Sometimes she could hear his cries of help and screams but he would push himself away, drowning himself into the abyss of veins and sins.

He claimed that he could paint constellations on her palms like an angel who overdosed on fantasies and moon dust.

She waited for Michelangelo to carve his hands which were sculpted by the Gods, liquid gold dripping into the cracks of ribs and bones.

They sat in a field, the wind circling them. The bittersweet brightness of the sun spraying its light onto them.

Sitting underneath a plum tree, their hands intertwined, he studied the creases on her palms and the cuts on her fingertips.

They were only children yet they believed that they had been blessed by Euphrosyne herself.

How naive were they?

Living like two open souls in the graveyard of broken hopes and dreams.

Would they have to dive in one day? falling into its eternal embrace.

"You're growing so old now." The young boy stated while giggling.

She pouted at his comment and retreated her hand.

"I'm not growing old."

"I never said it was a bad thing."

The children then sat in silence eating slices of a chocolate cake. The sweet sounds of humming occasionally bubbled out of the girl's throat.

"I got you a present." The young boy's cheeks tinted with a soft pink as he kept his gaze on the leaves on the tree.

"You didn't need to get me anything."

"Of course I did, it's your birthday." The boy scrummaged into his pockets and took out a small velvet bag and grabbed the girl's hand and placed it carefully into her palm.

He looked down at the grass, the tips of his ears already stained red.

She carefully opened the bag and took out a silver anklet, her eyes widened. She had never received such a heartwarming gift before.

She gazed at it with pure happiness, the pendant was a small starfish, starfishes were her favorite.

She felt warm tears brim at the corner of her eyes and lunged herself forward onto the boy. Hugging him tightly. Now his whole face was red and he held in a smile.

"Thank you so much!"

"I got one too so we could match."

She hugged him even tighter, feeling her other worries dissolve

"This is the best birthday ever."

⊱ ───── {.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.} ──── ⊰

𝘗𝘓𝘈𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘎: [SUPERPOWERS] - [DANIEL CAESAR]

1:35 ──────ㅇ───────── 3:47
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

The room swallowed sound.

No hum, no chatter, just the brittle clatter of dishes at the sink and the hiss of water hitting glass.

You stood there, fingers burning under the hot stream, while your mother sat stiffly at the dining table, watching you like was trying to memorise a page of a book that had already been ripped out.

"Why did you want me to come here?" you asked, eyes squinted, watching the water spew out the tap. "I have work to do."

"Am I not allowed to see my daughter now?" she replied, a soft question, but it scraped at you.

"You had ten years to do that, don't act like you want to see me now." You laughed under your breath, a laugh that pickled the corners of your lips.

Your mother rose from the chair, a sigh leaving her lungs that sounded more practiced than genuine.

Her footsteps approached, you felt the shift in the air before her hand landed on your shoulder.

You flinched, not dramatically but just enough for her to notice, enough for you to feel your skin crawl and the burning of the water on your fingers was merely blurring away, the brittle skin on your fingers breaking away slowly.

The imprint on your shoulder was clawing itself into your muscles, the touch almost cancerous.

"You're my daughter," she murmured, lips stretching into a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Of course I want to see you." 

You felt the wretched bile rise to your throat, heat that was acidic and sharp.

You slowly turned off the tap, still not facing her and you looked down at your hands and could see your fingertips had pruned and your hands were slowly cracking from dryness.

It felt as though the house had quietly siphoned the warmth out of you, drinking down your light until all that remained was a hollow shape, brittle at the edges and aching to crumble.

"That's not what you said before," you asserted, still looking down.

"Stop doing this please." you heard her voice, brittle, it had lost all its functionality.

You planted your palms against the sink, fingers clawing into the counter as if it were the only thing keeping you upright. The tick-tick-tick of the clock gnawed at the silence, each second peeling you further away from the room and dragging your mind back into the old wounds you swore you'd buried.

You could still feeling her presence behind you, a ghost trying not to disturb the fragments of the day.

You slowly turned around to see her expression which was full of bewilderment.

"Doing what?" she muttered, like the gospel of the years you had been tormented through weren't carved into both of you.

"Stop trying to get involved in my life now, you have done enough." You turned, letting your shoulder brush hers, intentional, you had left her silhouette stew in the kitchen. The ghost floating through the crevices of the night, ready to haunt and ready to hunt for prey.

You didn't wait for her response.

You walked out, letting the silence slam behind you instead of the door.

───●◎●───

You sat hunched on your bed, staring through the floorboards as if the wood might swallow you whole. Your pulse throbbed in your palms, fists so tight your nails carved half-moons into your skin.

Your starving soul was fed with the flames from the gaping parts of the netherworld, the fire that was often used to intoxicate the divine deity's that were perched at the windowsill. 

You missed her, the version of her with bright eyes and chipped smiles.

The woman who seemed like she was holding the cosmos in her hands.

The woman who would reach for you.

But she wasn't that person.

And you weren't a child anymore clinging the ghost that was detonating in the halls.

A knock snapped you out of your spiraling thoughts.

Your mother stepped inside quiet, smaller somehow, holding a thick, dust covered book against her chest with her head down.

She didn't speak but just set it gently beside you, then left as silently as she arrived.

You hesitated before opening it, looking down at the book, your eyes were in disarray as you scanned the cover.

Dust coated your fingertips as you traced the cover, there were faint remnants of a title that were scratched off the cover as if someone had tried to erase its memories.

You gently placed the book onto your bed and opened it, your eyes widened when you saw what was there.

Pictures.

Old ones.

Unfaded, untouched, the colour still fresh.

The first photo froze you.

Your family at a park, your tiny self perched on your dad's shoulders, your mother smiling in a way she may have forgotten how to, your brother grinning widely.

Your chest tightened painfully, feeling your eyes slightly glaze.

You wished time would recall to these times.

You slipped the picture into your pocket and flipped through the album, slower now, wary.

Then you saw them.

You and Mikasa, Armin, Eren.

All dressed in Halloween costumes, with your arm looped around Eren, Armin beaming, his teeth on show and Mikasa stiff but present.

You didn't think you'd ever see that picture again.

Didn't think you'd see the real versions of them again either, but here you were, back in the town that held both your favourite memories and your deepest wounds.

And they didn't remember you.

Or maybe they did.

And chose not to.

Your throat burned, but you forced the ache down, the throb in your ribs sharp.

You felt one tear glide past your cheeks and drip onto the photo, the tear drop glistening slightly.

Crying here, in the netherworld of your old home was menacing, you feared you would become prey yet again.

You inhaled deeply, shut the album, and stood up.

You needed to escape, out of the walls that held too many versions of who you used to be.

So you left.

The house, the silence, the woman who'd become a ghost.

And walked toward the only place that ever felt like tranquility.

⊱ ───── {.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.} ──── ⊰

𝘗𝘓𝘈𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘎: [𝘚𝘏𝘈𝘔𝘌 ] - [𝘚𝘜𝘔𝘔𝘌𝘙 𝘞𝘈𝘓𝘒𝘌𝘙]

1:35 ──────ㅇ───────── 3:47

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

The broken clocks of eternal destinies played their chimes aloud whilst you melted into the sacred powders of the heavens. The wind played with your baggy T-shirt, the biting cold entering your pores.

The tide whispered across your feet, a heavenly chant trembling through each of the waves, soft and familiar, the course salt entered into your veins. The sky was beginning to bruise into copper gold leaking into a violet that promised to show up quietly.

You exhaled, letting the breath carry away whatever remained of the turmoil wrapped around your bones.

But when you lifted your gaze, peace cracked.

In the regularly secluded area, this time a figure stood down the shoreline, a silhouette chiseled out of the dying light ,familiar and unwanted. He was magnetic in that infuriating, gravitational way he always possessed.

Eren.

He stood ankle-deep in the water, watching the waves as if they were speaking a code only he could decipher. The wind tugged strands from his bun, brushing them across his cheek. The rings on his fingers flashed when the light caught them.

He turned around to face you, probably hearing the shift in the area. He looked straight at you with a plain stare, you noticed a tiny key dangling from his necklace glinting in the dim light.

He still wears that huh?

"Stop staring, It's weird." he spoke voice lacking any emotion.

You rolled your eyes and walked closer towards hum, mostly because you refused to let him intimidate you out of your spot.

"You might be stalking me, you're always here when I'm here." You folded your arms carefully, sticking your tongue out to irritate him.

He scoffed at your remark, cold and sharp, eyes rolling.

"You know if you keep rolling your eyes they can get stuck there." You teased, trying to ease the growing tension.

The horizon burned behind him, his face painted in a warm glow, despite the beauty around him his expression stilled and it didn't shift.

"Good, then I won't have to see your face." he stated.

Your jaw twitched and the tide rushed past your ankles, like it was trying to cool the irritation developing in the pits of your mind.

"You haven't even looked at me," you shot back. "What did I ever do to you?" you added, confusion laced around your words.

He moved his gaze down to your feet.

"Bro, why are you looking there, do you have a foot fetish or something?" your hands were flailing around.

His mouth twitched slightly, he looked at you with a small smirk.

"Damn.....you've got some crunchy toes."

A laugh threatened to break free from your lips, but you suppressed it before it could embarrass you.

"What does that even mean....?" You replied, your face in slight disgust

"Just means they built kinda weird.." He answered, the teal in his eyes glimmering under the dying sun, the smirk still slightly settled on his pink lips.

You stepped closer towards him, letting your shadow cover his figure.

"Why do you always roll your eyes at me, Eren?" you whispered almost cryptic.

This time, he didn't smirk, he didn't tease. The breeze halted, letting his words spill, as if they were giving permission.

He looked back to the ocean, the tide had grew stronger, meaning the waves were starting to soak the hem of his shorts, the sky camouflaging with the moon and stars.

"Because........I don't like you." he said each word deliberate, letting the weight hang.

Your heart pinched, confusion and irritability coating your tongue, it seemed illogical to have that feeling when he didn't seem to recognise you.

"I don't know you, you don't know me, what exactly is there to not like?"

"You haven't done anything," he replied, voice low, almost too poise, "I just don't like you."

The previous glow of the heavens had washed away, your calves were now submerged in the moonlit liquid glass drifting across the horizon.

You both were in silence, his hues intently watching you, however no emotion flashed in them.

You felt as though the strain was tightening, so you grinned at him, your teeth showing.

"Is it because of my fat ass?"

Your words had caught him off guard, his expression slightly shifting, brief however sharp.

"Shut the fuck up," he muttered, the corner of his mouth deceiving the faintest twitch again.