Chapter Text
Changbin loves his friends, he really does, but no matter how hard he tries to teach them, they just can’t seem to grasp the concept of an indoor fucking voice.
By some stroke of luck, he and his roommates have a class together this semester, and were able to work on their midterm project as a group. They were each in charge of composing two or three tracks on a mixtape, then, they would record the vocals and add all the finishing touches.
Changbin, Chan and Jisung had made music together plenty of times, (heck, they had even unofficially named their trio "3racha") but there were never any actual guidelines, so Changbin is a little stressed out. Some days, it was helpful for him to be in the same room as them and get feedback… others, he could barely hear himself think. Today was one of those days.
One morning after a particularly boring class, half conscious, he wanders into the library to get some coffee. Upon going through the revolving glass door, he’s met with near silence.
Just like that, he’s found his new work spot.
“Do you guys have wifi here?” Changbin asks the barista after placing a coffee order.
“Of course..” the girl sighs, giving him a rather tired look. Well, how was he supposed to know? He's never really had any business being in the library.
“Thanks so much.” He offers the girl a smile as she hands him his coffee and her demeanor changes. Changbin's been told that women find him attractive… that would be pretty nice if he was attracted to them back.
He wanders among the shelves for a moment, scoping out the area. Most of the tables are full, whether it’s a group of friends chatting quietly or students working on computers. In the corner by the window, there seems to be one empty table, but as Changbin gets closer, he sees there’s one person sitting there.
“Do you mind if I sit?” He asks. The boy doesn’t reply, buried in his book, only the top of his blonde head visible.
Hoping that means he doesn’t really care either way, he pulls the chair out and only then does the boy notice Changbin’s presence.
Holy shit, he’s adorable. Changbin points at the seat and he gives him a small smile and nods politely.
So, Changbin came to the library to escape distractions, but as fate would have it, this is even worse than home. He finds himself entranced by his tablemate- his freckles, his rosy cheeks, the way his hair falls at the back of his neck, how his sleeves slightly cover his hands, and how his lips are set in a pout with calculating eyes as he turns the pages.
He makes an incredulous face at what he just read, and Changbin just can’t help himself.
“What are you reading?” He blurts out.
The boy looks up again and raises his eyebrows at him, signaling that he didn’t hear the first time. Changbin feels bad for wasting his time now but repeats himself, pointing at the book. He smiles and lifts the cover so he can see for himself.
To be honest, Changbin doesn’t know the first thing about literature. The last time he read for pleasure was two years ago, and it may or may not have been a fanfiction. This guy could say any book in the world and he would probably assume it was a literary masterpiece. This title is long and he guesses its a fantasy novel- which is fitting, the blonde looks like he just walked out a fairy tale himself. Seriously, this guy is ethereal. He feels like he just downed ten pixie sticks after seeing his smile earlier.
“I-is it good?” He asks when the boy doesn't look away, stumbling.
He does a chef’s kiss, and goes back to reading. Changbin has butterflies even after he goes home.
--
The next day, Changbin isn’t in desperate need of coffee, but he finds himself returning to the library anyway. The boy is there again, in the same spot reading a new book.
As he gets a bit more comfortable with his presence, Changbin is able to calm down and work for a bit. After around half an hour, he closes his laptop and rubs his eyes. His tablemate notices the movement, and folds the corner of his book to mark his spot.
“Do you know what time the library closes?” Changbin asks, mentally high fiving himself for not tripping over his words this time when Cute Boy meets his gaze.
He points at his ear, and the rapper opens his mouth to repeat himself, but then the other boy mouths the phrase I’m deaf .
Oh, okay. So Changbin is a dumbass.
“Oh my god, I’m sorry, this whole time I… I was just... fuck.” He can feel himself rambling, but now that he’s started he’s worked himself into a bit of a panic. The blonde looks distressed to see him talk so fast and searches the table. He spots Changbin’s phone laying on his bag and gestures for Changbin to hand it over. Still flustered, he complies.
After he finishes typing his number in and sending himself a text to confirm, he hands it back to Changbin. He stares at the name. Felix .
Felix : hai :) we can talk this way!
Changbin : oh, smart idea
btw, my name’s changbin.
Felix : usually i can read lips okay but you were going kinda fast
are you okay?
Changbin : I was just trying to apologize, sorry :(
I wish i knew sign language
Felix : its no problem!
please, be thankful you don't bc I'm very chatty lol
do you want me to teach you some?
Felix goes through a short series of movements which Changbin follows carefully- although he finds himself getting a little distracted by his delicate hands- ending with the two pointing at each other.
Changbin : ??
Felix : nice to meet you :D
--
On day three, as Changbin is working on a rather tedious melody, his pocket buzzes. Normally, he would ignore it but in his peripherals he spots Felix typing and he nearly knocks over his coffee digging out his phone.
Felix : what are you working on?
sorry for prying but you look so serious. I’m soo curious
Changbin : It’s my final for music production
I’m making a mixtape with a couple of my friends
Felix : that’s so cool :0
Changbin : thanks. I love what I do, but the deadline is stressing me out tbh :')
what do you study?
Felix : I'm a psych major
I just read for fun. ik I'm lame
Changbin : not at all. I wish I had the patience for that
Felix : what kind of music do you make?
Changbin : hip hop, mostly.
Felix : can I listen to it??
Changbin : uhh ???
idk,, can you ??
Felix : lolol to an extent. classical doesn't do it for me but if something has a bass I can feel the vibrations
I don’t have to if that isn’t helpful
Changbin : no!!! no
I would love for you to listen to it
my headphones are wireless. here
Changbin slips his headphones off his ears and hands them to Felix, feeling his stomach do a flip as their hands brush. He turns up the bass a considerable amount before he presses play, and Felix closes his eyes and starts tapping his fingers on the table to the rhythm. He looks cute in his headphones, Changbin almost wants to lend him his hoodie, too.
He's only snapped out of his thoughts when Felix taps his arm lightly and gives the headphones back with a thumbs up. With that small encouragement, in an hour Changbin makes more progress than he has all week.
--
“You’re later than usual.” Jisung says, peeking his head over the couch when Changbin arrives at their apartment.
“Yeah, I was at the library.”
“That’s out of character.” He teases.
“I just needed some peace and quiet.”
“Hmph. Well, now that you’ve recharged, come hang out with me.”
Changbin sits on the couch and listens to Jisung talk absentmindedly about the award show performance going on. Normally, he would be invested right alongside him, but he can’t get his mind off Felix.
“God, I wish that were me,” Jisung sighs as the rapper finishes his verse and the crowd goes wild.
“Do you know any sign language?” Changbin cuts in.
“Haha, yeah, some.” He makes a over-the-top agressive gesture, snickering.
“I don’t even want to know what you think that is.”
Once he realizes Changbin isn't in the mood to joke with him, Jisung pouts and curls up to his side like a sorry cat. "Why did you ask? Did you meet somebody?”
“Well, yes.. but not like that. We've been sitting at the same table, and I let him wear my headphones today... he's really cute or whatever the fuck- quit looking at me like that.” He grumbles when Jisung squeals, hiding his face in his hands. Changbin isn't dark and mysterious or anything, at least not around Jisung, but he doesn't usually express any kind of mushy feelings either so it's understandable that his friend is ecstatic.
“Come on, everyone loves you, don’t be so anxious. Just watch some youtube videos. Or have him teach you a few new phrases every day.”
“I can’t believe you just gave me good advice.”
--
Do you want coffee? I’ll pay. Changbin signs when he gets to the table the next day, hands still shaky and unsure, but the message is clear anyway. Felix lights up and nods enthusiastically.
Feeling a bit lightheaded, he orders and hopes Felix doesn’t hate mochas.
When he returns he thanks him four or five times, both signing and mouthing the phrase, still beaming before his hands close around the cup. Wow, Changbin would buy 100 more coffees if it meant Felix would smile at him like that every morning.
Felix : I thought you didn't know sign language? when did you learn that ????
Changbin : I just watched a few videos last night... was it ok?
Felix : omg changbin ;-; yes ;-;
that’s so nice of you to think of me :’)))
‘Oh, you have no idea,’ Changbin wants to say.
Felix : and then buy me a coffee no less??
What did i do to deserve this?
Changbin : don’t sweat it. It’s cheap here
think of it as payment for me disturbing you every day
Felix : don’t say that like we’re not friends now
He points at himself, then at Changbin, and links his index fingers.
Changbin : what are you reading today?
As usual, Felix points at the cover.
Changbin : never heard of that. give me a summary??
Felix : aren’t you supposed to be working on your music?
Changbin : no
Felix : changbin..
Changbin : pls help me procrastinate :((
--
So it goes on like this for another week. Every afternoon when he shows up to the library, Felix is sitting in the same spot (whether he's changed his routine for Changbin or he's just along for the ride, he'll never know.) On Monday and Tuesday, he was buried in a book. Yesterday he brought a small yellow notepad and wrote for the entire hour. Changbin asked him what he was writing, and among other things, Felix taught him the sign for mind your business.
Changbin has a bit of artists’ block today, so he's mostly been watching YouTube and stealing occasional glances at Felix the whole hour. He's about to cave and ask for a new word to practice, or a summary of what he's reading when his phone rings.
“What's up, Chan?”
“I’m on break. Whatcha doing?” Roommate number two's voice says over the line. He can hear a couple of his coworkers, unfortunately also their friends, screaming in the background and fondly rolls his eyes.
“I’m at the library working on the stupid kick in track three. It doesn’t sync up with the vocals how I planned.”
“I like the beat you made, dude. We can redo the vocals later, don’t stress.”
“Just please check it when you get a minute.”
“Mhm. So… How’s your boyfriend?”
“What?”
“The guy you’re trying to learn sign language for?"
“I mentioned him once to Jisung.. you weren’t even there.” Changbin accuses, glancing up self consciously only to see Felix invested in a scene in his newest read.
“Yeah, but you never talk about crushes with us, he was excited. You know, I’m usually the voice of reason, but it’s been forever since you’ve got laid.”
“Oh my god. You know I don't do hookups or whatever you're implying.”
“Ask him out then?”
“I’m never talking to you again.”
“Okay, love you too. See you at home.”
Changbin smiles despite himself, and hangs up. Felix looks up at him suddenly and gives him a little wave. He feels his cheeks prickle under the attention.
Who was that? He signs, eyes friendly and curious. He’s always so expressive- when he gets excited his face lights up, and when he makes some sort of remark he scrunches his nose and his hands get twitchy. Changbin just hopes his face conveys any emotion at all when he signs. Or maybe it would be better if it didn't, lest he give himself away.
A friend. He repeats Felix's gesture from earlier.
Felix asks a follow up question but Changbin hasn't learned the sign yet.
What?
“Your girlfriend?” Felix asks. His voice is deep and a little raspy, and in his shock, Changbin can barely register how nice it sounds, because Felix had just spoken out loud.
“Wait.. . what?”
Felix averts his eyes and shrugs. Sensing discomfort, Changbin pulls out his phone.
Changbin : you can talk????
Felix : yeah, I’m not mute, I just prefer not to...
I got bullied for it back in high school.
I let my guard down just now.
You can let your guard down with me, Changbin wants to kiss the crease in his brow away and say. But that’s insensitive and not to mention pushing it entirely too far, off a metaphorical cliff even. It makes his heart ache.
Changbin: WHAT?? that's bullshit. I like your voice.
it’s okay if you’re not comfortable though, our thing works perfectly fine.
Our thing . Changbin had said it himself, and yet the room feels a little smaller all the sudden.
“Thank you.” Felix says, quietly, carefully. (He has an accent like Chan’s, he notes.) The tips of his ears are red, too, and on one hand, Changbin finds it adorable, but on the other, he knows it’s because he’s insecure. Next time, if he works up the courage, he’ll make sure Felix blushes for a good reason.
Felix : your free trial has ended
Changbin : hahahaha. no worries
and I don’t have a girlfriend btw
Changbin swears he sees Felix’s shoulders relax, but maybe it’s wishful thinking.
Felix : lololol
me neither
--
Changbin : then I was like you know what? you deserve this kevin
and threw the entire bowl at him
Felix : oh my god that’s incredible sksffjjsjsjdfd
hey I’ve got an early class tomorrow so I better go. goodnight!!
Changbin : night lix :)
Changbin falls down onto his pillow smiling to himself like an absolute idiot. It's been, what, two weeks, three? He can't remember a time where he wasn't thinking about Felix.
He closes his eyes and drifts off, but in the middle of the night he's gently woken up by his phone lighting up.
Felix : changbin?
Changbin : yea
what’s up?
Felix : I just had a bad dream... sorry
I didn't wake you up, did I?
Changbin : nope
wanna talk about it?
Felix : its stupid
but after we talked today I guess some memories just kinda made their way into my head
Changbin : the bullying?
Felix : am I that much of an open book?
Changbin : nope. I’m just very perceptive ;)
Changbin imagines what Felix must look like right now, curled into a ball and maybe hugging a pillow for comfort, flushed cheeks, messy blonde hair and puffy eyes. He wishes he was there to wipe his tears or cuddle him until he fell back asleep.
Changbin : If anyone ever gives you a mean look ever again, I’m beating their ass, okay?
Felix : yea.. you definitely could. you do have nice biceps
Changbin smiles, hoping maybe Felix had laughed in a watery sort of way. Then it hits him- that's not really.. a heterosexual thing to say..?
Felix : I mean objectively, not that I was staring
Changbin : it would be okay if you were
Felix : ahahaha
well now I'm embarrassed
Changbin : I stare at your freckles a lot
Felix : dude c'mon that's so cheesy
Changbin : ha well who's more embarrassed now
(its me)
Felix : lmaoo
thanks for staying up w me
Changbin : no problem
see you tommorow?
Felix : hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
yes
--
Good morning, Changbin signs. How are you?
Good. Felix replies. I paid for coffee today.
Changbin smiles and thanks him, downing the whole thing almost immediately. When he’s finished he stretches, and to his surprise, when he glances up at Felix, he’s already watching him.
You like what you see?
Shut up! Felix shoots back quickly, eyes wide and flustered.
Felix : where'd you learn that line anyway? -_-
Changbin : im practicing a lot
I’m flattered tho, half the reason I work out is for this sole purpose
Felix : ???
Changbin : cute boys noticing
Felix : lol
...
wait
you're gay?
or bi ????
Oops .
Now it’s Changbin's turn to look like a deer caught in headlights. Felix stares back for a moment and then smiles bashfully.
Me too.
--
Felix : its not just your arms
Changbin : hm ????
Felix : sleep texting sorry
Changbin : lix get back here right now and tell me
Felix : I just wanted to make sure you know the rest of you is attractive too
not just your muscles
Changbin : oh thanks dude
wait, objectively or to you?
Felix : to mw
me
Changbin : oh
for what it's worth I think you're pretty cute
Felix : really?
Changbin : of course
Felix : like how cute?
Changbin : you know bts
Felix : who doesn't?
Changbin : ok well if I had to choose between you and namjoon I'd pick you
Felix : ok damn!! that's enough flattery
Changbin : you deserve compliments tho
I like watching your ears turn red
Felix : alright that's my cue to head out before I hit send on something risky !
Changbin : noo tell me
Felix : zzzzzzzzz
--
On Saturday, Changbin wakes up at around noon to a text from Felix.
Felix : good morning! I think I half consciously texted you last night
anyway the library’s closed, so i'll see you monday?
Changbin : ofc. text me if you need anything, ok?
Felix : :)
“Binnie, are you awake?” Minho bursts into his room, looking out of breath.
“You don’t even live here.”
“Innie brought his boyfriend over.” He says, flopping onto the bed dramatically and fake sniffling. “So don’t come out of this room looking like a drowned rat. I want to make a good impression on our little baby fox’s behalf.”
Changbin ushers him out of the room and throws on a nice jacket. When he walks down the hallway, Minho and Chan are in the kitchen, Jisung is sitting at the table with his laptop open, Seungmin is watching TV, and Jeongin is sitting in his boyfriends lap grinning from ear to ear. It’s a genuine peaceful smile, not a ‘Jeongin-is-about-to-cause-chaos-on-purpose’ smile.
Changbin immediately thinks of Felix, much like he’s been doing every time he sees something that even vaguely connects to him- earlier this week he had seen a dog on the street and his brain proceeded to take him through an elaborate daydream where they bought an apartment and adopted a puppy together.
“Hey hyung!” His youngest friend chirps, waving at him haphazardly.
“You’re.. In a good mood.”
“Of course.” He hums. "I'm sitting in the lap of the most handsome man in the world."
“Jeongin, shut up. Hearing you be all sappy is making me feel weird.” Seungmin interrupts from across the room. He then points at the object of affection. “You’re cool though.”
“You’re just jealous!”
The boyfriend smiles sheepishly and addresses Changbin as Jeongin nuzzles into his neck. “Hi, I’m Hyunjin.”
“Changbin.”
“No way.” He pauses, studying him intently. “...Felix’s Changbin?”
Changbin really likes the sound of that. Now isn't the time, though.
“You know him?”
“Yes! He’s my best friend!” Hyunjin says. His smile is easygoing, but fond nonetheless.
“Aren't I your best friend?"
“You too, my love.” Hyunjin kisses Jeongin’s cheek and Seungmin groans again. “But yeah, I’ve known him since we were in diapers. My parents are deaf too, so sign language was my first language.”
“Wow, that's amazing. We usually talk by texting but I've been trying to learn it.”
“He told me.” Hyunjin nods, a smile twitching at his lips when Jeongin adds simp under his breath.
“Changbin, will you come review this part for me?” Jisung yells from the dining room.
Hyunjin grabs his wrist gingerly.
“Can I teach you a word really quick? He loves it when you compliment him.”
“O-oh, sure.”
Hyunjin sweeps a hand across his face in a circular sort of motion.
“ Pretty.” He translates, and then throws in a smug wink.
--
"Can you guys stop making out?! That's it, I'm coming out as homophobic."
"Seungmin, you're gay." Minho calls.
"That's why I'm so bitter!" He exclaims, on the edge of hysteria. Changbin can smell a side story brewing but Jisung has finally fixed the vocals, and he's more excited about that matter.
--
Changbin : hey
felix
hey
hey
lix
Felix : happy monday *dies inside*
and what’s with u blowing my phone up? I'm right here lmao
Changbin : I met your friend Hyunjin this weekend
Felix : WHUTT
Jinnie’s like my best friend!
where?
Changbin : He was at my apt. turns out he’s my friend’s boyfriend
guess what word he taught me
Felix : ohh that’s so cool :)
you seem excited to tell me so
fuck? shit? dumbass?
Changbin : OMG FELIX!!
no but teach me those next
Telling Felix he’s conventionally attractive over text at 3am is one thing- saying it in broad daylight as Felix meets his gaze expectantly is another.
You look pretty, he signs.
Felix raises his eyebrows and points at himself quizzically. Changbin nods.
He smiles, looking a little surprised but also incredibly pleased, and shakes his head.
Do your work, he replies, swatting at the air. Out of the corner of his eye Changbin catches another gesture that looks suspiciously like dumbass (history really does repeat itself, huh), but the fond smile on Felix's face even after he returns to his book only makes the whole situation worse. He’s gone.