Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I am sure we can make you see reason Bren”  Ikithon’s  voice was as greasy as his hair “I  suggest  you come to your senses and help us deal with you little friends here”   

Fjord watched in horror as  Caleb's  expression went blank, clever eyes glazing over.  The wizard turned to face the rest of the Nein and he felt a thrill of fear through his chest.  Caleb was powerful, and now it seemed that power was turned on them.   

The only upside Fjord could think of as he watched their friend walk towards them, magic building around his hands, was that at least he had already used up his highest-level spells for the day.  It was a weak sort of comfort, since even his easier magic was deadly with enough force... but it was something.  He could see the fire sparking at  Caleb's  fingertips now, and his body moved without thinking.  He stepped forward and grabbed  Caleb's  hand, the searing heat muted by the ring he wore.  

“Cay, you  gotta  fight him.  Come back to us”   

Caleb showed no   recognition of his words, instead lifting his free hand and pressing it against  Fjords  chest.  The pain was instant and nearly indescribable as the concentrated force of the spell slammed into him.  He could feel it burning through his armor, then his shirt, his skin.    

He could  smell  himself burning.    

There was a flash of movement next to him, then Beau screaming an apology before her fist connected solidly with the side of Caleb’s head.  In an instant, he was down, and the pain was dulled ever so slightly.  Fjord looked to Ikithon  with a snarl and threw his last Eldritch Blast, cursing as the old bastard teleported away just in time.    

“Will that- will he be back to normal when he wakes up?” Jester sounded worried.  

“Uh...”   

They shared a look of uncertainty as Jester and Caduceus started healing everyone up.  Caduceus frowned at Fjord’s chest.  

“That’s going to be... well, it’ll be a story to tell I suppose”   

“Just one more scar on the pile really”  

Yasha  sat Caleb up while Beau tied his hands behind his back.  Fjord felt a twinge of guilt over it, watching the bruise form on  Calebs  temple where her fist had struck.  Once he was tied up, leaned against a pile of rubble, there was nothing to do but wait.    

Chapter Text

“I can’t take this anymore!”   

Caleb flinched at the venom in Veth’s voice, so strange to hear thrown at him.   

“Veth,  liebling  I know you miss them but what-”  

“What  nothing  Caleb, I can’t do this anymore.  I already lost YEARS with them while I was trapped in that horrible body, and now it’s been months since I got my body back and I’m  still  not there!” she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose “I appreciate everything you did to help me Cay, you know that, and you’re welcome to come with me, but I’ve made my choice.  Can’t you understand that?”   

Caleb felt his heart pounding in his chest, this was it, this was what he had been afraid of from the moment that Veth was returned to her form.  This was why she had wanted to come to the coast so badly.  She was leaving, the first person to be kind to him, the first person to love him, and she was leaving.  She would go home, and that would be it.    

Of course,  she had every right to go home, he was a selfish bastard for even asking her to stay.   

He had thought she  wanted  to stay... that she loved the Nein as much as he did.    

That she loved him as much as he loved her, as  family .   

Where they not family?   

Fuck he was a selfish piece of shit.    

He sighed, looking away as he dug his thumb into the scar across his palm.   

“I- well, of course I understand Veth.  I just...” he looked back towards the table where the others were laughing and drinking “I cannot leave them now.  We have too much we still need to do”   

A small hand gripped his and he looked back at Veth.    

“You’ll always be my boy Caleb, I just... Luc needs me more now”   

“I know I- well, I have the rest of our family now... as ridiculous as they may be” he squeezed her hand “but I will- I will miss you  liebling”   

“I’m not so far away anymore, now that you can teleport and... I can’t risk this lifestyle anymore; I have to  go”   

He nodded and let her go before turning away, hiding the pain in his face.  He couldn’t watch her walk away.  Couldn’t watch as another family began to crumble away from him.  He was a selfish man.    

Chapter Text

“Cay?”

Beaus heart was pounding, and though she couldn’t quite put her finger on why through her wine soaked haze, she knew she had come looking for him. There he was, Caleb, her brother, standing at the edge of the rooftop and leaning a little too hard on the rusted railing. The sun was just beginning to set beyond him, silhouetting his thin frame.

“Cay, c’mere” she slurred, beckoning him over when he turned to look “just like... c’mere”

He seemed to consider her a moment before taking a deep breath and walking over.

“Beauregard?”

Her pulse was still too fast, so she tugged him down onto the pile of old blankets and pillows their friends had been using that afternoon. She eyed the scars that ran all along his wrists and shivered, wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

“Just... railings are shit”

“In general, or these specifically?”

She flicked him lightly, the sass.

“Are you worried I will fall... or that I will jump?”

She didn’t look at him, she didn’t need to really, she knew what expression he would be wearing. A mixture of curiosity, fear and a little shame. She didn’t need to see it in order to feel it.

“Sometimes” she answered, too honest as always after the wine “sometimes I am”

He leaned against her now, his head on her shoulder and a few strands of hair tickling her cheek.

“I do not want to, anymore... not-not lately anyway”

She nodded, he wouldn’t lie to her, not about the important shit.

“I believe you, I just-” she took a breath, she had never been good at this stuff “just... talk to me if you- if you change your mind yeah? I can’t lose you too man, just can’t”

They sat quietly for a while, trading swigs of the cheap wine while the sun set. Eventually he stood, tugging her up and into a stumbling hug.

“I will try my best, I- I don’t want to lose you either”

They held each other then, until he finally pulled away and tugged her towards the stairwell door.

“The others will be looking for us by now”

They would be, she knew he was right, but it was the small smile that played across his face that mattered to her

“I can’t lose you too”

Chapter Text

The world was muffled, the ever-present sound of the waves and the roll of oncoming thunder near silent as Fjord dropped the Star Razor to the deck.  The sight before him could not be real, it just  couldn’t  be, it was too much.  

The proof was right there, a corpse, snow white and  pierced  through the chest by the spear the harpy had thrown right before his eldritch blast had hit her.    

The unnatural pallor made his hair stand out even more than usual, made the blood covering his chest look almost fake.  It was too bright, was blood always that bright?   

This couldn’t be real.  

Beau had knelt behind the body (which  Fjords  mind staunchly refused to accept as  Caleb ) and laid his head on her lap while Veth cried quietly over his hand.    

“We should take him  inside;  the storm will be here soon”   

Yasha was the first to speak, her usually soft voice seemed too loud in this  strange, muffled  world.  She pulled the spear out with a sickening sound and threw it overboard.    

“He’s dead”   

Fjord heard himself speak, knew it was his voice, but it didn’t sound like him.  It was too flat, too empty to be him.  

“That doesn’t mean he’ll want to wake up soaked”   

“Oh, just- hmm, one moment” Caduceus stepped closer, and a deep green glow emanated from his hand onto Ca- the body “that should give us some time”   

Yasha nodded, and without further comment she dropped to one knee and lifted the body as if weighed no more than a child.  Fjord followed her in a daze along with the others as the first drops of rain began to hit the deck.  He felt like he was trying to move underwater, like the air was too heavy to breathe properly.   

Yasha laid Caleb ( no , said his mind,  not Caleb)  out on the bed in the  captains  quarters.  He wasn’t bleeding actively anymore (not that Fjord would have given a fuck about the sheets anyway) and the unnatural stillness was making him want to scream  

Get up, move,  breathe  Gods damn you.  

Just... breathe.   

The others were talking while Caduceus and Veth got Caleb’s coat and book holsters off, but Fjord only caught snippets of the conversation.  

“Do we have any-”  

“No, no we used the dust up”  

“Diamonds too?  We have the kit”  

“No, they’re gone too”  

Fjord watched as Caduceus cleaned the blood off Caleb’s chest, revealing the too-pale skin below it.  It hurt.  Somewhere deep in his own chest there was an  ache  that he couldn’t describe.  The image of Caleb’s face when the spear had impaled him, watching his eyes go wide as he fell back to the already blood-soaked boards... Fjord swallowed and hoped he wouldn’t be sick.   

It was no use hoping to avoid the nightmares, they would come either way.    

Jesters voice broke through his thoughts as she laid a warm hand on his shoulder.  

“Do you think he might have some?”   

Fjords eyes snapped to the component pouch on Caleb’s belt and then back to Jester, he shrugged but nodded.  She got the message, walking over and removing the pouch before she started shifting through it.  Fjord was shaking, he hadn’t noticed until her steady hand had touched him, but now it was the only sensation he could feel.  Beau was beside him; he didn’t know when she had gotten there or how long she had stood in that space.  His space.    

“Breathe Cap, we’ll get him back” he looked down at her, but her eyes were locked on Caleb “he promised not to leave, we’ll get him back”   

He nodded, knowing she should feel it even if she wasn’t looking, and tried to take a breath.  It was torture, the smell of blood and salt and  pain  was too strong.  He wanted air, but he couldn’t leave, he  wouldn’t  leave.  Jester let out an excited gasp, pulling a small pouch from one of Caleb’s many coat pockets and opening it up.  She eyed it for a moment, then walked over to Caduceus and held it out.  

“Do you think-?”  

“It... well yeah, looks like it, probably”   

“I- I don’t have enough left in me today, the fight...”  

“I can do it, yeah, no problem”  

Fjord felt his heart pound and he stepped forward as Caduceus went to work.  The spell didn’t take much, but the verdant green glow and the pastel lichen that covered the gaping wound were the most beautiful things Fjord had ever seen.  They all watched, the tension in the room was palpable until Caleb took a sharp breath.  Blue eyes snapped open as he gasped, hands gripping the sheets and colour  returning to his face all at once.  Without thinking Fjord put a hand over one of Caleb’s twitching ones, drawing the mans’ attention to him.    

It was like someone suddenly turned back on the sound, the roar of the waves and the boom of thunder, the frantic panting breaths of Caleb on the bed.  Fjords head swam for a moment, but he squeezed Caleb’s hand lightly, watching as his breathing slowed.  Caduceus was inspecting the wound, nodding serenely  

“You’ll need to rest a  bit;  the skin is still fairly tight, and you don’t want to ah... re-open it”   

Calebs eyes never left Fjords as he nodded, thanking the  firbolg  in a shaking voice.    

The others were moving about now, coming in to welcome their wizard back.  He looked exhausted but smiled and thanked them and apologized for the fright all the same.  Eventually, they all settled in, pulling blankets and pillows from all around the ship.  Fjord couldn’t bring himself to leave, so instead, he sat in the desk chair, pulled up alongside the bed.  As the others all started to doze, Fjord felt Calebs' hand grip his.   

“I know what you are thinking Fjord”   

“Oh?”   

“ Mhmm , and you are being ridiculous again, my death was not on you”   

“If I had just gotten her faster, or-”  

“If  if   if ” Caleb sighed and squeezed his hand again “If gets us nowhere  Süsser,  it cannot change anything”   

“Maybe” he paused “I just... well, just try not to go  dyin ’ on m- on us again”   

“I will do my  best;  I cannot say I liked it much”  

“No, no it’s not the most fun way to spend a day”   

He watched as Calebs eyes drifted shut, breathing slowed to a sleep heavy rhythm and his chest began to rise and fall slowly.  Fjord knew he would not be getting much sleep that night.  

Chapter Text

“Don’t you fucking touch him you bitch!  You’ve done enough already, take me instead, I’ll give you a fucking fight”   

She was at the cell bars now, fingers white where she gripped them and eyes wild.   

“Don’t  fucking  touch him!”   

She continued to scream and curse at them as Veera pulled Caleb (far more gently than a captor would normally) from his cell.  His head was down, face hidden by his hair initially, but he looked up and shook his head at her, a bitter half-smile on his face.  It was then that Fjord noticed the metal collar around his throat, rubbing it raw the same way the manacles had done to his wrists.   

Beau was still screaming at them as they led Caleb to the other room.  Essek walked around it, checking for wards and scrying devices.  When he pronounced it clear, Fjord let his disguise drop, striding to Caleb and cupping his cheek as gently as he could.  Veth appeared out of wherever she had been hiding, picked up the ring of keys from where Veera had dropped it and started unlocking the collar.  

“It’s gonna be okay Cay, we’re getting out of here tonight”   

If he had expected to see relief, he was sorely mistaken.   Instead, fear and anger filled Caleb’s face as he yanked it away from Fjord’s touch.  The moment the collar was off he spoke, his voice cracked and dry  

“No.  No, you will not use him against me, sie verdammte bastarde , you will not”   

Fjord felt his brow furrow with confusion “Cay… what?”   

“ Sich verpissen , if you are going to kill me just do it, I will not fall for your lies”   

“It’s  me,  Caleb, I… it’s Fjord, I swear, we’re here to bring you home”  

The sound of the door opening behind them made Caleb jump, and then several things happened at once.     

There was a grunt of pain as Beau swung her knee into Yasha’s disguised form and then threw herself between Fjord and Caleb, slamming her forehead into Fjord's jaw with a sickening crack.    

“I told you to  fuck off , leave him alone you fucking bastards!” she shoved her shoulder into Fjords, knocking him off balance and standing, arms still bound behind her, in front of Caleb “you want to beat on someone?  I’m right fucking here”    

Essek snapped his fingers and their disguises all dropped.  Beaus' sharp eyes went from one face to another, suspicion and doubt clear.     

“What the fuck are you trying to pull?”    

“It- it has to be a trick”    

Fjord winced at the pain in Caleb’s voice, getting back up slowly, hands raised in surrender.    

“Beau, it’s us, I swear.  We- we're here to get you out, but we need to  go”     

He felt the icy grip of fear as she only glared at him.   

“Prove. It.”    

“Give me a good reason to believe these are not more lies”   

Caleb’s voice cracked again, but Fjord could see the hope in his eyes that he was trying  too  hard to crush.  He racked his mind, trying to think of something these people wouldn’t know.   

“I accidentally entered a pact with an evil serpent god thing” he swallowed and reached for Caleb’s hand around Beau, pressing their scarred palms together “we promised to help each other, we swore to make it work” he separated their hands, pressing a kiss to the familiar scar on Caleb’s palm “I made a promise Cay, I’m going to keep it”   

“ Fjord ”  

Chapter Text

Veth paused as she walked past the door to the library, there was a clear light shining out from under the door yet again. It was nearly three in the morning, and she knew exactly who she would find when she opened the door. She pushed through as quietly as she could, peaking around the edge of the door. There, as she had expected, was Caleb. Hunched over his desk, one large tome open to the left, and his  spellbook  open on the right. He was writing in what she knew was his neatest script, eyes flicking back and forth between the books rapidly.   

He looked  exhausted.  

After the day they had had, he really should be asleep. They had nearly died, again, and now here he was... working. Why was he always working?   

"Caleb? It's late, you should go to bed"   

She spoke as softly as she could, making her way across the room to place her hand over his left. He startled slightly, setting the quill aside and blinking at her in shock.  

"It is not so late, is-" he paused, and sighed "no you are right, I suppose it is"   

"Couldn't sleep?"   

" Nein , I- today was not a good day"  

"The fight was hard, definitely"  

"We nearly lost Beauregard, again" he scrubbed his free hand down his face "I just- I cannot get the image out of my head Veth"   

She hummed in response, squeezing his hand.   

For all that she hadn't been a fan of Beau initially, the monk had turned out to be a wonderful friend. She was good for Caleb, it was good for him to have another Empire human around, someone who wanted the best for their home like he did. Veth would be lying if she said that seeing Beau on the ground earlier hadn't scared her. As tough as she was, she was still  human , and breakable. If it hadn't been for Jester's quick healing, or Caleb's rapid spell work.... well, that didn't bear thinking about. Not right now, right now Caleb needed her. He was hurting, her  boy  was hurting. That wasn't something she wanted to happen.   

"How about we get some of Duce's tea, and you can tell me about what you're working on?"   

He smiled at her, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.   

"Sure Liebling, that sounds good"  
She knew she couldn't really fix things with tea, no matter what Caduceus said, but at least she could be there for Caleb. She could sit up, drink tea, listen to his thoughts and his worries... and hope that in some small way, that made his night easier. She could be a mother, and do her very best, even if it wasn't much. 

Even if she knew he would just make sure to turn the light off tomorrow night.  

Chapter Text

"Sweet!"  

Beau smirked, reaching out to snag the last two flutes of fancy elvish champagne.  The server gave them a barely concealed look of disdain before turning on their heel and striding away.  Caleb sighed as he took the glass, clicking it against Beaus in a halfhearted cheer.  The  flavour  was light, the bubbles dancing across her tongue and down her throat.  

"You ought to at least try for some decorum, they already think the empire is full of savages here" 
She shrugged as he took another sip, deciding to ignore the little barb.  

"Fjord said they'd meet up with us once they're done checking everything out right?  So, like... I guess we should just wander, keep an eye out?" 
 
Caleb nodded at her; his cheeks were already starting to go a little pink from the bubbly wine.  Some people just couldn’t hold their booze.  They started to wander the party, keeping an eye out for anything suspicious.  They had only been wandering a few minutes when she started to get bored of the quiet.  None of the fancy Drow partygoers seemed too interested in talking to a pair of Empire humans... guests of the Queen or not.  

“So, do we think this is like... an actual plot against the Queen, or totally a trap?  Cause I’m leaning trap honestly”   

Caleb didn’t respond initially, so she turned to ask him again or see what the heck had distracted him.  He was standing next to her still, but he was leaning hard against a pillar, glass clutched in his free hand.  His face had gone a sickly shade of white, making the circles around his eyes stand out.  She felt the familiar thrill of fear as she snatched the glass and took a sip.  

Poison .   

“Fuck, fuck  fuck  okay.  Fuck”   

She threw his arm over her shoulder and made for the nearest door, relieved to find that it  led  to an empty garden.  She half-pulled, half-carried him to a marble bench, pushing him down lightly.    

“Okay, okay shit um...  gotta  get Jester or Caduceus”   

She paced in front of the bench, eyes darting back to Caleb as she tried to decide what to do.  She could run in, hunt on of them down and drag them out here... but then what if the poison got him before they got back?  Did they have diamonds to bring him  back?   Could they do it in time?   

“Beauregard”  

Shit, he sounds awful  

“Yeah man, I’m working on it, don’t freak out”  

“I think you are the one freaking out”  

“ You're  fucking  poisoned  dude!   Of course,  I’m freaking out!”  

“Take a deep breath” his breath was rattling in his chest and it made her nauseous “go find someone, if I die then I die, we have a job tp do”   

Fucking asshole .  

“You better not fucking die, you  promised  not to leave”   

All she heard was him coughing as she turned on her heel and strode back into the ballroom.  She would find Caduceus, get Caleb back up and they would get this dealt with.    

Then... she would find the fucker who tried to take her brother away, and they would  fucking pay .    

Chapter Text

"Stay with me Caleb, c’mon now”  

Caleb had been slowly growing heavier as they had stumbled through the woods, and while Fjord was trying his best to support him... they wouldn’t be able to keep this up much longer.    

“I am- I am sorry Fjord” Caleb gasped “I am afraid that... I don’t think I can  continue on , you should-”  

“If you say ‘leave me behind’ one more time I  swear  Cay-”  

They stumbled, and Fjord finally had to admit they couldn’t make it to the road.  He tugged Caleb towards a ring of close growing trees, managing to settle them on the mossy ground in the middle.  He leaned up against a larger trunk, pulling Caleb close and pressing a hand to the gash across his thigh.  He tried not to wince at the sheer amount of blood covering his skin, and applied pressure as well as he could manage without hurting him.  Calebs head dropped against his shoulder, and Fjord watched his eyes droop dangerously.  

“Hey, hey, this is no time to sleep”  

Calebs eyes fluttered  slightly,  and he looked up at Fjord apologetically.  

“I do not think I have much control over that at the moment”   

“Bullshit” he took Calebs hand in his free one “keep up that stubborn streak for me Widogast”   

That drew a small chuckle, which turned into a rough cough and a small trickle of blood out the corner of Calebs mouth.    

“I- I will try   mein  Freund , but I can make no promises”  

They were silent then, as Fjord tried to think of something,  anything  they could do to get out of this alive.  He couldn’t message the others, and Caleb was in no shape to do so either.  They had no potions, no healing magic, and no clerics.   

By all accounts, they were royally fucked.   

And now Caleb was shivering, a sharp tremor that started at his shoulders and worked its way down his spine.  Fjord held on, babbling to Caleb about nothing, just trying to fill the silence while he tried to work out how long they had.  Caleb’s leg was bleeding profusely, Fjord was  fairly sure  the blade had managed to hit the artery.  It had been nearly a half hour now, and he could feel Caleb fading.    

He was just so pale.   

“Fjord?! Fjord we lost sight of you, are you still in the woods?  Are you okay? We are okay, sore but not dead or anything!”   

Fjord felt his shoulders slump in relief as  Jester's  voice filled his head.  The others were okay, and now they had a  way out  of this mess.    

“Jes, thank fuck, we’re stuck in the woods, Caleb isn’t doing well, we need help asap.  Can you locate object on us? Please it’s really-”  

He felt the spell fizzle out and cursed under his breath, the word limit had to be the most annoying spell restriction he had ever  encountered .    

“You got cut off, but we’re on the way!  Tell Caleb we’ll be there soon to fix him right up!  We’re not too far now!”  

He smiled for what felt like the first time in days and let the spell fizzle, there wasn’t anything else he needed to say at this point.  He looked down at Caleb, grinning.  

“Hear that Cay?  The others are on the way, we’ll be all sorted in no time”  

Caleb didn’t respond, he was so white now that the blood and dirt almost looked fake.  His breathing had gone shallow enough that Fjord had to actively search for signs of it now.    

“Hey, Caleb, you  gotta  stay awake for me okay?” he struggled to keep the panic from his voice “tell me- tell me about that spell you were working on the other day, talk to me Cay”   

“I...  Es  tut mir so  leid , Schatz . I am sorry”  

Calebs voice was hardly audible, barely more than a breath in the quiet woods.  Fjord watched in horror as Caleb’s eyes closed again, one painfully slow breath, another... and then nothing.  The entirety of Caleb’s weight settled into Fjord’s lap, and the hand in his went limp.    

“Cay?  Caleb?  C’mon Cay you  gotta  wake up, you can’t go like this!  We have- we have too much left to do.  The others are on the way, Cay, just a little longer”   

Caleb, for all Fjords pleading, did not wake up.  Something in Fjord snapped then, though he didn’t recognize it as such, and his pleading turned back to quiet stories.  If he just kept talking, eventually Caleb would respond, he could never help himself.  He might hold out for a while, but if Fjord just kept up a stream of increasingly ridiculous nonsense... Caleb was too  clever,  he couldn’t resist sharing knowledge.  He was still talking when the others came crashing through the trees towards them.    

“Fjord!  We’re- oh”  

Fjord heard  Jester's   voice but  didn’t see much of a point in responding.  He hadn’t gotten Caleb to talk yet.  He didn’t look up until a tanned hand came into his field of vision, resting lightly on his wrist where he held Calebs hand.  Beau’s expression was a mix of sadness and worry, and Fjord didn’t have it in him to comfort her.    

“Let’s... let’s get him back to the inn yeah?  We can go looking for diamonds and he can wake up somewhere comfy?”   

She reached for Caleb, clearly aiming to lift him from Fjord's lap, and he growled.  He wouldn’t let anyone take Caleb, not now- not if he could help it.  Her hand snapped back, and she looked towards the others in clear concern.  Fjord didn’t care.    

“Fjord...”   

“Let me”  

Beau moved away as Veth knelt next to them, her small brown hands pushing Caleb’s hair back out of his face.   

“Look big guy, I know we don’t always see eye to eye... but that’s my boy you’ve got there”   

He glared, Caleb was  his , even if they hadn’t exactly talked about it yet.  But she ignored his expression, her eyes lingering on Caleb’s face  

“You’ve done a great job looking out for him, I can’t thank you enough for that, but now we need to get him somewhere warm so when he wakes  up,  he can  stay  safe for a while”  

Fjord thought it over, searching her expression as she finally turned to look at him, and nodded.  Veth drove him up the wall sometimes, but there was no doubt in his mind that she wanted the best for Caleb.  So, he stood with Caleb cradled in his arms, and followed her out of the woods.  

Chapter Text

He wakes with a groan, or at least he  assumes  he’s awake.  It’s too dark to really tell the difference between when his eyes are open and when they’re closed.  It’s also  cold ... and has he been tied up again?  He shuffles slightly, pulling his hands away from his side and up to his face, no, he hasn’t been tied up.  That’s a bonus at least.  He tries to stretch, only to have his arms hit something solid only a few inches from his face.  How did he not see it?  Has he gone blind?  Or...  

Oh, oh no.   

His memory comes rushing back, they were on a job from the Gentleman.  He had hired them to locate and “deal with” a group of ex-employees that had been stealing from him.  They had spent days looking for leads before finally tracking the thieves to their hideout... in... the cemetery.  He remembers the fight, barely being able to see in the low light of Caduceus’s staff and then a sharp pain to the back of his head.  

The open graves.   

His heart is pounding now, beating too hard and too fast as he tries to steady his breathing.  How long has he been down here?  How much air has he used already?  He can feel his component pouch on his hip, but there's no way he can reach it or cast anything if he did.  What could he even cast to help him out of this situation?  He focusses on counting his breaths, just hoping that the others can find him before the air supply runs out.  The walls of the coffin, because he knows now that it  is  a coffin, feel too close.  There are splinters digging into his wrists and hands, and his head is pounding.    

Is he going to die  here?     

At least the others wouldn’t have to worry about burying him...   

Well, that’s dark.   

Gods, it’s  so  dark in here.  He squints at his hand, waving it in front of his face  in an attempt to  see  something .  The panic in his chest is bubbling up again, and he screams.  He can’t help it, and maybe the others will hear him.  Maybe  someone  will hear him.   

He claws at the wood above him, trying to find a crack or seam to push, some imperfection that he can exploit as an escape.  After several minutes he  has to  admit that there’s nothing, but now his fingers are bleeding and sore.  His head is spinning, is it the air running out of a byproduct of the panic?  He isn’t sure he cares and lets out another scream.  Why hasn’t anyone come for him?  Are they all dead?   

Or... more likely, have they given him up for dead already.    

By the time he can stop himself from screaming, his throat is as raw as his hands and he is  absolutely sure  that he’s running out of air.  This is how he’s going to die, alone in the ground with none of his goals achieved.    

He’s going to die alone.   

He lowers his hands, settling them as comfortably as he can.  He’s exhausted now, the air is thin, and he can’t seem to keep his thoughts straight in his head.  Veth will be so disappointed in him, she had such faith in his magic...   

And Beauregard... she’ll be so mad.  He wishes he could apologize for breaking his promise, he didn’t want to leave.  She had to know that he doesn’t want to leave by now right?   

He takes a slow breath, trying to calm his heart.  If this is how he is going to go then he will not let himself be found with the look of horror he knew had been on his face.  If his family does find him, he at least wants to spare them that.  

He doesn’t have much time left and he knows it.  He hopes the others are safe, they deserve to be safe.    

He closes his  eyes and  waits.   

Chapter Text

“Don’t try to pin this on me!”  

“You’re the one who  had  to bring up Molly, you  know  how he gets when you bring up Molly!”   

“I was just saying-”  

“I know, I know what you were saying, but he ran off and we’re in a country that  doesn’t like humans  Beau.  Now look at him!”   

They both looked down at Caleb where he lay on the bed, blood coating one side of his face and seeping through his shirt.  They had spent the better part of the night hunting him down, only to find him in an alley by the Dim’s Inn accompanied by two rough-looking drow and a very large half-orc.  They had clearly beaten him senseless and would likely have finished the job if Fjord and Beau hadn’t gotten there when they did.  It had taken them twice as long as usual to get back to the house, only to find that the others were still out looking.  Caleb had passed out halfway home and now they had no way to contact Jester or Caduceus.  Fjord sighed, rubbing his temples.   

“Okay, whatever, it doesn’t matter right now.  We need to get him stable until the others get home”  

She nodded, expression grim and made her way to the kitchen where they had the extra med kit stored.  Fjord pushed Caleb’s hair off his face, wincing at how it stuck to the dried blood, then went to work removing his coat, book holsters and shirt.  His chest was a mess of purpling bruises and more half-dried blood from the split skin along his ribs.  Fjord felt the welling up of regret and guilt as he tried to figure out the extent of Caleb’s injuries.  All of this had started because they had been arguing about how much time Caleb had been spending in the library lately.  Fjord had no problem with Caleb’s work ethic of course, he loved how dedicated Caleb was to  learning  everything he could.  The issue was in how it affected the  rest  of the  wizards  life.  He wasn’t sleeping, was barely eating, and hadn’t taken a proper bath in days.  Somehow it had devolved into an argument, as most conversations with Caleb did these days, and then Beau had jumped in with her well placed “you can’t keep using Molly’s death as an excuse to hurt yourself” and well... here they were.  

Caleb hadn’t done what Fjord would have called “storming out” but he had made it very clear he wanted nothing to do with either of them at that moment.    

Beau returned with a bowl of lukewarm water, some rags, and the med kit.  They set to work cleaning Caleb up, not speaking other than what was absolutely necessary.  He hated the tense silence that surrounded them.  Beau was one of his best friends, his first mate, they trusted each other.  Arguing with her was rare for him, and he still had trouble sorting out how far their friendship would stretch.  As he went to bandage up the open wound on Caleb’s chest, her hand landed gently on his.  

“Broken rib, we can’t bandage it too tight unless we  wanna  risk his lung”   

“Right” he grunted, annoyed with himself for not realizing it sooner.   

Once Caleb was as taken care of as they could get him, Fjord got up to dump the now pink water out and put away the kit.  He paused briefly to stoke the fire and grab some food from the cold storage in the kitchen.  He paused in the doorway of Caleb’s room, some part of him did not want to intrude on the scene before him.  Beau had perched herself on the edge of the bed, one hand wrapped tightly around Caleb’s limp one.  She was speaking quietly to him, whispered apologies Fjord knew he wouldn’t remember.  This side of Beau, the side that so clearly showed the love she felt for her fellow Empire kid, was such a rare sight still.  Fjord didn’t know when it had happened... sometime after the Iron Sheppard's, or possibly during  that awful mess.  The Nein had all turned a corner the day they chose to come for himself, Jester and Yasha.  They had  chosen  to make this family work, and through everything that had happened since they had fought for each other as fiercely as they could.   

“I’m sorry”   

His voice was soft, and if he was honest, he didn’t know which of them he was really apologizing to.  They were two of the most important people in his life, and the idea that either of them could just... disappear so easily was something he didn’t like to think on.  Beau looked up at him and paused for a moment before nodding.  Just like that, the cloud of discomfort seemed to lift, and he made his way across the room to sit in the chair she had abandoned.  Caleb’s breathing had evened out, Beau had pulled a thin blanket up over his chest, so the only visible injury was the growing bruise along his jaw.  Fjord handed her a roll before taking one himself.    

“I worry about him too  y’know ” her voice was strained in the way it always was when she tried to talk about her feelings “all the time, he gets into these self-destructive streaks and... fuck I dunno”  

“I know you do, I shouldn’t have snapped at you”   

“Nah, I know better than to bring up... well, you know”  

“I get it, we can apologize when he gets up, make him eat something.  He can’t possibly ignore all of us.”  

“Thanks Cap”  

“Anytime”   

Chapter Text

“Fjord?”  

Beaus heart squeezes in her chest at how  wrecked  Caleb’s voice sounds, but she forces herself to smile at him in the most comforting way she can.  

“Nah man, just Beau”  

“Where is he?  I do not- where is Fjord?”   

She rests her hand lightly on his forehead and winces, the fever is worse, she’s sure of it.    

“He’s just gone to grab some water for you, don’t worry”   

Caleb groans softly, tossing his head to the side.  His hair sticks to the sweat that has coated his skin for three days now.  She has done everything she knows how to do, used everything she could think of from the med kit she always carried.  Nothing seemed to work, and she had never wished for Caduceus or Jester more in her life.  The hallucinations had started the day before, he had called her Astrid all day long, begged her not to tell “Master  Ikithon ” that he wasn’t working.  He seemed to recognize her today... but he had been asking for Fjord since the first time he woke in the middle of the night.    

“We ought to get going Fjord, the others will notice we’ve been gone too long”   

She tries not to sigh as he mumbles, wherever he is in his mind must be better than where they really are... stuck in some abandoned shack waiting for the others to find them.  She tries to push down the way her mind latches onto his words, when did he and Fjord start sneaking off?  Why didn’t he tell her?  She takes the nearly dry cloth off his head, dipping it back into the jug of water and setting it back.  He tosses his head again and this time she does sigh.  Stupid storm, stupid fucking giant spiders.  She hates the Endless Wastes, hates that the only time they find anything interesting it always seems to lead to someone she loves getting hurt.  

She  hates that she can’t help her brother.    

Caleb groans again, hands clenching the thin moth-eaten blanket she had found to drape over him.  The spider bite is a nasty green  colour  now, it makes her sick just to look at  it.  

“Fjord... tell them I am sorry”   

He’s babbling again, hazy eyes staring into an empty chair, completely convinced that their friend is there.    

“Tell them I tried to come back?  Tell Beauregard... tell her I didn’t mean to break my promise...  bitte  Fjord”  

She sighs, there’s no use talking to him now.  As far as Caleb is concerned, she isn’t there.  Her chest hurts as he reaches out to the empty chair, confusion and sadness mixing with the fever haze.  He’s still mumbling, but it’s all in  Zemnian  now as he gets lost in whatever he’s seeing.  Beau has never been a religious person, but she sends out a quiet, desperate prayer to  Ioun , the  Wildmother ... hells, even the Traveller.  Anyone who might want to listen, who might be able to guide their friends back to them.  There are tears on Caleb's cheeks now as he babbles, and she promises herself that she’ll learn how to send messages the second they get home.   

She brushes his hair back again, adjusting the rapidly drying cloth for what feels like the millionth time.  She’ll keep fucking doing it too, for as long as she  has to .  He won’t die, he  can’t  die.    

His babbling has slowed again, eyes heavy-lidded but not leaving that chair.  He talks to Fjord, but even if she can’t understand the language, she’s still pretty sure it’s nonsense now.  He’ll sleep again soon, and when he wakes, she might get a few minutes with him before he sinks back into his fever dreams.   

“Beau?! We’re coming!  The Traveller found you, we’re on our way, are you okay?  Is Caleb with you still?  We’re really close I think so-”   

Beau exhales in relief, the others are on the way.  

“Caleb is here, but he got bit by one of those fucking spiders so faster would be better.  Tell Fjord he’s got explaining to do”  

She holds his hand, giving it a little squeeze as his eyes finally drift shut and he fades into a fitful sleep again.  Soon, soon they’ll be home.    

Chapter Text

"I don't know who you are" the voice that used to be Molly's says "truly dear, I am sorry, but I have no memory when you apparently met whoever borrowed my body" 
 
Mollymauk is screaming, watching the pain take over Caleb's face.  Watching a heart break all over again in real time.  
They can't hear him, he knows they can't hear him, but he screams anyway.  

He’s been trying for weeks now, ever since  he  caught Jester scrying, ever since he had seen the Nein again.  He was trying so hard to make them hear  him,  Mollymauk , not this Lucien bastard.  His family was  right there  and the beast in his body was hurting them, and he couldn’t do anything.   

Yasha... she looks different, in a good way, healthier... more whole.  She stands close to  Beau,  they lean into each other.  He’s happy for her, even as he sees the pain in her face.    

Even as she hands over their clover, and his heart breaks all over.   

He never even got to say goodbye.  
 
It’s all he can do not to just give up, just let himself fade away. 
Watch this monster steer his body, watch his family give up slowly, and scream. 

Then there’s the battle with the dragon, and his terror as they all begin to flag.  Beau being carried away by Gelidon, and Lucien  letting her  

“Eh, let it have her”   

Mollymauk’s  blood goes cold, or it would if Lucien wasn’t currently in control of it.  He watches as his family chase the giant dragon away through the snow.  When they  return,  they’re all  glaring  at Lucien, and Molly knows that this is it.  They've given up.  

They’ve given  him  up.    

He watches them all run away after the battle with the Tomb  Takers,  and he knows that they are truly gone from him now.   

Lucien continues his journey.  

Mollymauk  Tealeaf screams.   

Chapter Text

Fjord sighed as Yasha patted his shoulder, the storm was still raging outside the little cave where they had set up the dome.  The battle that afternoon had been fierce, they had nearly lost Cad and Beau at least once.  The clerics were both bone tired and had passed out the minute Caleb had finished the dome.  
He tiptoed around his friends; he had forgotten what a tight squeeze this thing was.  As he neared his bedroll he sighed again, Caleb was curled up on his side, and Fjord could see him shivering.  The wizard had run himself dry during the fight, saving Beau with a well-placed disintegrate, and still apologized several times because he couldn't cast the tower.  He lay down on his roll behind Caleb, spreading both of their blankets over them.  The bonus of half-orc blood: he ran warm.  

" Y'know  you can just steal mine" he whispered as he scooted closer, pressing up against the  mans  freezing cold back "but you're so damned stubborn"  

He wrapped one arm around Calebs waist, something he had only just begun to feel comfortable doing.  They woke up tangled together often enough as it was, and Caleb never seemed to mind.  Caleb flinched as Fjords hand came to rest on his stomach, and Fjord frowned.  There was something...  wet  on Calebs shirt. He pulled his hand away and cursed under his breath.  

Blood, dark and shining, coated his palm.  
 
"Gods damn it Cay..." he muttered. 
 
He paused, trying to think through the tired fluff and the panicked buzz in his brain. There was nothing for it, the clerics weren't nearly rested enough to help, but if he left things as they were... no, that wouldn't do. 
He pulled away, digging through the bag of holding until he found the med kit they kept.  He rolled Caleb onto his back as gently as he could, wincing at just how ghostly pale his face was.  He peeled Calebs shirt up and set to cleaning the blood so he could see the wound. 
 
It wasn't as bad as it could have been, a gash running from his navel to his ribs, deep certainly, but clean at least.  Fjord set to cleaning it properly and stitching it up.  By the time he was done bandaging the wizard, he was exhausted.  He lay down, tugging the blankets up over them both again, and rested his hand on Calebs chest. He could feel the sluggish (but steady) heartbeat there. 

"I swear Widogast, if you die on me now, I'm gonna have Caduceus bring you back just to kill you myself" there was no venom behind the words, and he whispered them, eyes locked on the pale face in beside him. "I mean it, you stubborn bastard" 
 
There was no response, but he hadn't really been expecting one.  Finally, he closed his eyes and let sleep claim him. 
 
Little did he know, he would be woken several hours later by Veths shriek, and Calebs Zemnian curses. 

Chapter Text

Fjord looked up in surprise at the quiet knocking, almost uncertain if he had imagined it.  Most of his friends didn’t bother to knock... the only one he could think of was Caleb (despite having a key), but he had only left about an hour ago.  He stood as the knocking sounded again, setting down his tea and making his way to the door.  He smiled when he opened it and saw the familiar ginger man standing on the stoop.    

“Hey there Cay, I didn’t expect you back till morning, miss me that much?”   

He felt the teasing grin drop off his face when he realized just how pale Caleb looked... taking in his expression Fjord reached out to pull him inside.  Caleb winced, but followed him, leaning back against the door when it closed behind him.  Fjord felt the panic rising in his chest as he got a good look at Caleb in the light.  His breathing was rapid and shallow, his face sickly pale and pained.  He was clutching his hip under his coat and let out a gasp when Fjord jostled the  fabric .  The scent of blood overwhelmed him for a moment, and he thought he might be sick.   

“Caleb what- what the fuck?”  

“Trent, or one of his guys” Caleb forced another deep breath “shot-shot me, I would have gone home but-” He stopped, panting slightly as he held up his blood coated hand “I- I didn’t know what else to do”  

“Fuck, no it’s- You need and ambulance Cay”  

Fjord led him to the kitchen, trying to support as much of his weight as possible.  The moment Caleb was seated in the large kitchen chair Fjord whipped out his phone and dialed the emergency number.   

“What is your emergency?”  

“Ambulance, we need an ambulance, my friend he- we need help, he's been shot and we need help”  

Fjord could hear the panic in his voice now as Calebs eyelids drooped, the hand on his hip was going lax where it needed to be maintaining pressure.  

“Address?”   

“Cay you need- yes sorry it’s 23 Spire Square- put pressure darlin’ please”   

The woman was talking again, but he barely registered it as he moved to grab a clean kitchen towel and pressed it up against the bullet wound.  Caleb’s eyes were completely closed now, and Fjord wasn’t sure if he was awake or had  actually passed  out.    

“Sir?  Sir I understand this is difficult, the ambulance is almost  there,  and I need you to unlock the door”   

“It’s unlocked, I never- I didn’t get around to re-locking it”   

The paramedics arrived and lifted Caleb from the chair onto a stretcher.  Fjord felt the bile rise in his stomach at the way Caleb’s head lolled, he was sweating, he was so  pale .  The ambulance ride was a blur of tearing clothing and beeping machines.  One of the paramedics tried to ask him what had happened, but he had nothing to give them other than Trent’s name.  The wound was horrible, once the medics had it cleaned off Fjord could see that there was more than one awful hole in Caleb’s skin.    

He had to look away.    

He watched Caleb’s face instead, watching the way it twitched, taking some small comfort in the fact that it hadn’t stopped.  The fact that he was breathing.   

When they arrived at the hospital there was a team waiting, they took Caleb and one woman stopped him at a pair of swinging doors  

“You can’t come past here dear, you need to wait in the waiting room”  

“Please, please I have to- he needs me, I need to be with him”   

He knew he should be  embarrassed  by the way he pleaded, but at this point he couldn’t make himself care.  He needed to be with Caleb, he  needed  to make sure he was okay.   

“I’m sorry, really, but he’s in good hands with the doctors okay?  The best thing you can do for him now is wait here.  What’s your name honey, is there someone you can call?”   

Can I help? Is there someone I can call?   

His own voice rang through his head, all those months ago.  He nodded at the nurse, still staring over her shoulder as if he could see through the doors through sheer force of will.    

“I’m Fjord”  

“What’s his name dear, he didn’t have ID”   

“Caleb, his names Caleb”   

“Okay” she led him to a hard plastic chair from which he could still see the doors “call someone, we’ll take care of him and send someone for you when he’s out of the surgery okay?”  

He nodded and watched her walk quickly through the swinging doors, the panic had faded into an uncomfortable numbness.  Caleb was back there, he was back there with lead in his body, in pain, and Fjord  couldn’t help .    

Finally, after what could have been a few minutes, or an hour, he picked up his phone and dialed.  

“Fjord?  If this is you calling to say Caleb is sleeping over again-”  

“Veth”  

Something in his tone stopped her immediately, a worried hum was the only response.  

“Caleb’s- Caleb was shot”  

“He was  what ?  Where are you?  Is he okay?”   

Veth’s panic broke through the fog in his mind, and he shook his head before remembering that she couldn’t see him.  

“He- well he was breathing when I-” he forced himself to take a breath “hospital, we’re at the hospital, the doctors took him, they wouldn’t... I couldn’t go in with him”   

“I’m on the way”   

The click of her hanging up the phone was too loud, but he nodded and slipped his own phone back into his pocket.  All he could do now was wait.    

Veth arrived quickly, so quickly that Fjord would realize later that she must have driven like a mad woman, but in the moment, he was just relieved to have someone else there.  They didn’t speak, she just sat next to him and joined him in staring at the doors.  At some point her small hand landed on his, and he was thankful for the contact, though he didn’t have the words to say it.    

Finally, what Fjord would later be told was about two hours after they had arrived, an elvish man in scrubs walked out the doors.  He paused for a moment before he found Fjord and Veth and walked over.  Fjord's heart was pounding again as he tried to read the  mans  expression, looking for  something  to indicate that all was well or... or not.    

“Fjord?”   

He stood, and the doctor held out his hand.  Fjord took it briefly as he nodded, Veth standing and introducing herself as well.   

“I’ll start by saying that Caleb is in recovery”   

Fjord felt the air go out of his lungs all at once as he dropped back into the seat,  relief  washing through him.  The doctor gave him a moment before continuing.  

“The bullet entered his right hip and lodged in his left thigh; he was incredibly lucky that it missed both femoral arteries.  It was a narrow miss in the left leg... but a miss still.  We managed to get the bullet out, along with some bone shards from where it nicked his hip-bone.”   

Fjord nodded along, trying to get his breathing under control again.  

“You can come back and see him, but he’s under some fairly heavy anesthetic so he’ll be out for a while”  

Fjord stood immediately and squeezed when he felt Veth take his hand.  The doctor led them down a series of halls into a much quieter ward of the hospital.  It occurred to Fjord as they passed a darkened window just how  late  it was.  He needed to call Caduceus, there was no chance he would make his shift.  The doctor opened a door into what would only be considered a typical hospital room.  The lights had been lowered to a soft glow, and the blinds on the windows were drawn.  The nurse from earlier was blocking Fjords view of the bed as she fiddled with one of the machines before nodding to herself and turning around.  She offered him a soft smile, but the best he could manage in response was a grimace.    

“The chairs pull out, they’re not the most comfortable but it’s better than sleeping sitting up” she said softly, patting his arm as she left.    

“If you have any questions,  myself  or another doctor will be in to check on him in a few hours.  If he wakes before that the blue button behind the bed will call the nurse's station”  

“Thank  you, doctor, ” Veth’s voice was gentle, and a little scratchy.   

“Get some rest”    

As if.   

Fjord pulled the chairs up to the side of the bed, feeling his chest ache at the sight that greeted him.  Caleb was sleeping, long lashes fanned across familiar freckled cheekbones.  He was still pale, but the sickly sheen was gone, and if Fjord hadn’t known any  better,  he would have thought nothing was wrong.  Someone had changed him into a hospital gown, and a voice in the back of Fjord’s head noted that they would need something to take him home in.  The blanket bulged slightly where Fjord assumed the gauze pad sat on his hip, and the bandaging was wrapped around his thigh.  

It was a near miss  

Gods.  If the bullet had hit his artery... Fjord shivered and sat down, sliding his hand under Caleb’s on the sheets to avoid messing with the IV sticking out of the top.  His poor hands, both attached to the clear medical tubes leading to the odd bags of... whatever they were.  Anti-biotics maybe?  Pain medication certainly.  He was never letting Caleb out of his sight again.   

No, that was crazy.   

But... if he had driven him home, if he had  insisted  on it instead of giving in to Calebs claim that it wasn’t worth wasting gas...   

At the very least, he wouldn’t be walking home for a while.    

Veth took his free hand, her eyes locked on Caleb’s face, and together they waited.    

Chapter Text

"Jester, you must take the others and go" his voice is hoarse even to his own ears. 
 
"Caleb!  We-but we can't just leave!" 

"You can and you must" he injects as much force as he can into it, hearing the way she flinches even if he can't see her "you have to save them Jester.  You have to run, don't look back" 
 
There's a moment of pause before she whispers 

"We love you, we’ll be back"  

Then a pop. And suddenly he is alone on the field 
 
Well, almost alone.  
He walks forward, his hand pressed to his side over what he is sure is at least one broken rib.  That won't matter soon enough, he supposes.  
At least the Nein are safe, home in Nicodranas.  They will live, they will be alright.  They have to be. 
 
"Alone Bren?" Ikithon sneers from ahead of him, never mind that he too is alone "I told you they would abandon you" 

Caleb chooses not to reply, it isn’t worth it. The rest of their battle is swift and violent, with his final spell Caleb catches Ikithon in the shoulder with disintegrate.  He watches through rapidly fading vision as his former mentor turns to nothing. 
 
He finally drops to his knees, the edges of his vision black, and he feels himself smile. 
Ikithon is gone, his family is safe. 
He finally did it, he finally won. 
Ikithon is- 
 
And the world goes black. 

Chapter Text

“ NO!”  

He dove forward as the rocks crashed down and Beauregard threw herself at Fjord.  He felt a stab of pain as the sickening sound of breaking bone filled his ears.  Strong hands grabbed him and yanked him back as the rockslide settled, completely blocking his view of Beauregard and Fjord.  Someone was pulling him  away,  he cradled his broken arm close as he called for their missing friends.  Panic filled him as he realized he couldn’t hear them at all, he fought futilely against the person pulling him.   

“Caleb, take a breath” Yasha’s voice was calm and soft as she pulled him to sit down on the ground “let me see your arm?”  

He turned and watched her expression shift ever so slightly, she put a hand on his good arm and started to breathe slow and deep.  After a moment he found himself copying her, and his mind settled enough to register the sheer  pain  in his arm.    

“O h  Scheisse ”  he looked down to see a large bruise already forming and visible through the tear in his coat.    

Yasha hummed in concern “Jester?  Caduceus?”   

The clerics walked over, Caduceus helping Caleb out of his coat so they could get a better look at his arm.  They frowned at each other and Caduceus shook his head before reaching into  Jester's  bag and pulling out a med kit.  

“I’m so  so  sorry Caleb, I didn’t know!  I don’t have like  any  magic left tonight”    

He shook his head “It’s alright Jester, those  gnolls  took more out of us than we expected”   

“I can do the sling... if you want”   

They all turned to look at Yasha, who shrugged with an  embarrassed  smile.  

“I just thought, you know, you two need sleep and...” she paused holding up her hands “I’ve done it before, we didn’t have any clerics in my tribe”   

“Oh my  gosh  Yasha!  That is such a good idea, that way we can get up super early and get those pesky rocks out of the way!”   

“Very kind of you Yasha”   

They all turned to look at Caleb  questioningly , and he shrugged.  He had no problem with Yasha helping, it was just a sling after all.  

“I mean, I trusted you to shave me with a sword so this should be nothing  ja ?”   

The clerics walked towards the fire that Veth had started, settling in for the night and Yasha dug out what she needed from the kit.  She worked in silence for a while, cleaning and wrapping the small cut the stone had made.  Caleb was vaguely aware of how gentle she was being and was struck again by how much of a surprise she had been. But his mind went back to Beauregard and Fjord.  Were they okay?  He had no idea what had happened, Beauregard had been injured  before  trying to shove Fjord out of harm's way, who knew what state she was in now?  They could both be hurt, bleeding out on the other side of this awful rock wall.    

Or worse, they could be  in  the rock wall.    

What would happen if Jester and Caduceus tried to clear it magically and one of the others was trapped?  He could only imagine that it would be something awful.  And Fjord... the look of horror on his face when he saw Beauregard dive at him would haunt Caleb’s  memory  he was sure.    

“They will be alright you know”   

He looked up at Yasha as she spoke, her mismatched eyes leaving the knot she had tied in the sling to look at him.  

“Beau and Fjord I mean, they’ll be okay”   

“How can you be so sure?”   

He sounded hopeless even to his own ears, desperate for  some kind of reassurance .  She offered him one of the rare small smiles she usually reserved for their family.  

“They have each other, and a med kit, and... I just am” she shrugged “I don’t have faith in much, but I have it in them”   

He sighed, and nodded, he knew she was right... Beauregard and Fjord were survivors both.  He couldn’t quite banish the panic in his mind, but something in her calm sense of certainty made it easier to ignore.  They sat in comfortable silence for a while as Yasha packed up the rest of the med kit.  Finally, she looked at him and gave him a sad smile.  

“Have I ever told you about the first flower I found in the Empire?”  

“No... I do not think so”   

She pulled out her book, settling against the wall next to him and flipping to the front.  

“I used to tell Molly about them when he had bad nights... maybe it will help?”  

Caleb stared at her for a moment before nodding.  

“ Ja ,  danke - thank you, Yasha... I- I think it might”   

She smiled again, held out the book so he could see the first few pages of pressed flowers, and started to talk.   

Chapter Text

"Sit  still”  

“ I  am  sitting still!”  

“No, you’re not, and you’re going to end up with a nasty scar at this rate”  

“ Oh,  I’m so sorry that I twitch sometimes when there’s a giant asshole  sewing my skin together”  

“ I could just let you bleed out instead, how does that sound?”  

Beau glared, but Fjord just rolled his eyes and went back to stitching the slice down her side.  Damned  gnolls , stupid cave.  On top of nearly losing to some of the most annoying creatures they’d ever fought, now the party was split.  Fjord did  not  like splitting the party.  He sighed, wiping away more blood so he could see the wound properly, Beau had been a champ as always and was the only reason he hadn’t ended up crushed when the cave began to collapse.  He didn’t mind stitching her up,  really  he didn’t, he just hated that they had to do it at all.    

He had grown too comfortable having two clerics in the group, healing was so rarely an issue they had to worry about these days.  He let himself get complacent, and now here he was, trying to sew Beau back together in a dark, dirty cave.  If she didn’t end up with  some kind of infection , he would be amazed.  Then there were the others to think about... Caleb had been in rough shape before the wall came down.  Had someone seen to him?  Did they have the magic left for it?  What about-  

“Stop beating yourself up Cap”   

He looked up and shot her a glare, which she responded to by rolling her eyes with a smirk.  

“I know what you’re like, the others are fine.  Jes and Duces are with them, and they have another med kit if they run out of juice.”   

“We shouldn’t be  separated;  it makes me nervous”   

“Same” she winced as he stitched through a bruise at the edge of the gash “ fuck , but- yeah, it’s shitty that we got split up, we’ll find a way back together tomorrow”  

Fjord hummed in response; he couldn’t quite dispel the image of Caleb’s face when the ceiling had started to come down.  The fear and the pain as he watched Beau tackle Fjord away from the danger... but away from them as well.  He finished the last stitch, tying it off with a mumbled apology when Beau grimaced.  He set to work cleaning it once more, trying to get rid of as much of the quickly drying blood as possible.    

“This part’s  gonna  suck, sorry”   

“That’s a surprise, since the rest has been so much fun”   

“Hush”  

He pulled out the bandage roll, starting below the bottom of the cut and moving her hand to hold it there.  He wrapped as gently as he could, while still trying to keep pressure on the injury, weaving the tail end in so it wouldn’t come undone while they slept.    

“Maybe it’s time to consider wearing a shirt that actually  covers  your  stomach?    Y’know , that big target with lots of vital organs?”  

“ Psh , can’t hide abs like these, it would be a crime dude”   

“Why do I put up with you?”  

“Because I’m awesome and you love me”  

“Sure, if you say so”   

They settled in as comfortably as they could for the evening.  Fjord knew Beau was right, there was nothing they could do about the wall of rock right now.  They would have to wait until morning, when Jester and Cad would be able to carve a hole through it.  For now, he would content himself with keeping a sharp eye on his first mate.    

Chapter Text

“Fjord?  Beauregard?”    

There was no response, and Caleb felt the panic start to rise in his chest as he reached out to where he was  sure  Fjord had been standing a moment before.  There was no one there, and he forced himself to stop moving.  Even though he knew his eyes were open, he could see  nothing , it was pitch black beyond any darkness he had ever experienced.  He took a deep breath and tried to think (something that usually wasn’t an issue for him, but panic does strange things to a person).  That stupid book, he knew better than to just grab at random magical items (especially books, and  especially  when they were in the Happy Fun Ball), but it had been so tempting... and what if it had information on their quarry?  Or just... interesting information in general.    

It had been a long while since he had time to wander through a bookstore or library.    

He sighed and started to move forward slowly, arms outstretched.  He had to find the others, maybe Jester or Caduceus would know how to fix this blindness.  Even if not, he would be much safer with the others around him.  He could always find the copper wire and hope they were close enough to hear him... but that would be horribly embarrassing .   

He would never hear the end of this from Beauregard, his curiosity causing him  more  problems was an ongoing joke.  He knew it was his own fault, and she was right to chastise him (however teasingly she did it), he should know better by now.  For someone who was considered so smart, he sure could do some incredibly stupid things.    

His hand hit the wall of books, and he knew that if he followed  it  he would reach the door out of this room.  But then what?  How was he supposed to navigate the halls of an anti-mage pocket dimension without his sight?  He took a deep breath and made his way along the wall.    

Just as he thought he was getting close, he heard the door swing open to his left, looking towards the noise  instinctively  despite the  all-encompassing  darkness.  

“Cay, there you are!”    

The thrill of relief that settled through him at the sound of Fjord’s voice was almost strong enough to make him shiver.   

“We thought we’d lost you for a minute there, did that book have anything interesting in it?”   

“ Nein , nothing”   

Wait what?  That hadn’t been what he meant to say  

“Aw, that’s too bad... oh well, c’mon, the others are waiting”  

Caleb swallowed and started forward, trying to figure out why he hadn’t simply  told  Fjord what was wrong.  He had meant to, had planned to warn him that he would need to watch out for  both of them  until they got to the others.  He moved slowly, afraid to run into something or trip with his lack of vision.    

“Something the matter Cay?”   

The concern in Fjord’s voice was obvious, and Caleb could just picture the expression that would go with it.   The  slight tilt of Fjord’s head, brows  furrowed,  and lips turned slightly downward.  He might even reach out, if he felt that it would help.    

“ Nein  I- I am-” Caleb fought against the automatic response, it had to be something to do with whatever  the  book had done to him.  It was stopping him from telling Fjord “I am- Fjord I cannot-”  

A jolt of pain when down his spine as he tried with  everything  he had to get the words through his lips.  He dropped to his knees with the shock of it, hands coming to clutch at the electric pain in his skull.    

“Caleb!”   

The sound of Fjords footsteps towards him, and the dull thud as he dropped down next to him were a small comfort.  The pain receded for a moment and Caleb lifted his head towards where he thought Fjord might be.  A warm hand came to rest on his  cheek,  and he leaned into it.   

“What happened?  Something is clearly wrong... do you need Jes or Caduceus?”   

Caleb opened his mouth to say  yes  but nothing came out.  He reached out and gripped the front of Fjord’s  armour , hands flitting over it until he found the collar.    

“I-” the buzz in his skull was starting again, sharper and more  insistent  this time “Fjord, I can’t-” another jolt that had him crying out, Fjords other hand settling on his shoulder to  stabilize  him.  

“I cannot  see”  

It was like his every nerve was suddenly on fire, and he felt himself seize up as someone screamed.  This had to be death, there was no way no  Exandria he would survive pain like this.  All because of his own impatience, his hubris.  He would surely die.    

A darkness thicker even than the one that had encompassed his vision settled over him, and he knew nothing else.   

…...........  

“Do you think it worked?”   

“ Of  course  it  worked;  I mean... probably it worked... it works on everything else!”   

The voices were muffled above where he lay on something soft.  His head was blessedly devoid of pain, and he felt a sudden surprise as he realized that voices meant he was  alive .  Hadn’t he been dying just a moment ago?  His whole body felt like it was floating, his head and shoulders rested on something comfortable and familiar.  He groaned as his throat demanded attention, that at least was still sore.  The voices stopped abruptly, and a hand brushed across his forehead and through his hair.    

“Cay?  You alright  there  darlin’?”   

Caleb forced open his eyes, blinking rapidly in the too-bright light of the room.  A face swam into view above him, a green and black blur initially that shifted into Fjord’s concerned expression.    

“Hallo there” his voice was rough, but he smiled anyway “so good to see you again  Schatz”   

He heard the collective release of breath around him, and with some focus realized the blurred colours around him were in fact the rest of the Nein.  They smiled at him, and he sighed.  

“I suppose I will not be allowed to look at the books alone anymore?”  

Chapter Text

“Hey!  No sleep for you”   

The shock of the icy water made him gasp as the guards laughed.  He knew this trick all too well, he knew they wouldn’t let him sleep until he broke.    

And then well... that could only be counted as sleep in the most poetic sense.   

The pain that had worked to keep him awake for the last four days had dulled to a background ache by now.  Most of the feeling was gone from his hands thanks to the heavy metal manacles he was chained up by.  At this point he wasn’t certain he would ever have feeling in them again.    

But  gods  he was so tired.    

That was the thing about sleep deprivation, it was one thing when you had something to focus  on,  but it was a whole other beast when all you had to do was stare at a blank stone wall.  Initially, he had tried to distract himself, go through spells in his head, plan his escape... anything to keep his mind active and engaged.  Anything to fend off the dull sense of exhaustion that fogged over him now.    

Four days, no sleep.    

He knew humans generally didn’t cause real damage until around seven days... but that didn’t stop this from being worst he had felt in a very long time.  He had tried to keep the thought that the others would be there soon at the forefront of his mind.  Tried to comfort himself with the fact that they knew where he was, they wouldn’t leave him here to die.   

Nearly five days into this hell... it was a lot harder to do.    

He was just so  tired .    

The guards barely looked human anymore, he was certain they couldn’t be.  Not with the way their eyes seemed to glow in the shitty torch light, or the sheer joy they showed as they continued to find ways to keep him awake.  The water was common, an icy cold shock to his system that he was sure would lead to illness if he lived long enough.  There was also a guard, an older man, who had  some kind of shock  stick.  Caleb was  fairly certain  it was just a conduit with a few charges of shocking grasp stored in it... but knowing how it worked didn’t stop it from hurting.    

His eyes drifted closed again, he just needed an hour, thirty minutes even... just a little bit of  rest .    

A sharp pain to his ribs as the younger guard slammed the butt of his knife into Caleb, and he couldn’t help another gasp.  He flung a string of  Zemnian  curses at them, which only earned him another hit.    

“Shut up or we’ll get the collar for you, bastard.”  

“We said  no  sleeping.”   

He glared, but they were laughing again as they stepped back to the far wall to lounge.  The door to the cell opened, and the laughter froze on their faces as crossbow bolts found a home in their skulls.  Caleb blinked, as the scene unfolded in slow motion before him.  Veth ran in, followed closely by Fjord and Beauregard, then Yasha, Jester and Caduceus (who looked much calmer than the others).  They were covered in blood as they darted about checking the corners.  Fjord and Veth moved towards him, and he felt the manacles shift.  The sudden movement pulled a gasp of pain from him as the metal pulled the dried blood loose, reopening the cuts.  He heard Veth swear and apologize as Fjord stepped closer, a hand  coming  to sit on his cheek.  

“We’ll be out of here soon Cay, just breathe through it for me okay?”   

He blinked slowly, his sleep-deprived mind having trouble keeping up with anything else that was going on.  He groaned as his hands fell to his sides, the muscles in his shoulders protesting the movement after so long in one position.  He felt a wave of dizziness wash over him and he stumbled forward.  Fjord caught him, easy as anything, and held him close.  Even through the smell of blood and sweat, the roughness of Fjords armour , and the persistent ache in his arms and hands... Caleb felt himself beginning to drift.  

“Not yet darlin’, we  gotta  get out of here first”   

“No spells... can’t teleport”   

His voice was cracked and dry from disuse (if one didn’t count the screams of the first two days anyway), but he looked up to see Fjord shake his head.   

“We’ve got it, just hold on” he looked somewhere over Calebs head “Jes?  Duces?”   

“On it!” “Yup, ready”  

There was a familiar (and uncomfortable, if he was honest) tugging feeling in his chest and suddenly they were standing in the lobby of the Lavish  Chateau .  

“Tell your mom we’re back, then we can-”   

Whatever else Fjord was going to say was lost on Caleb, as the sudden rushing feeling of  safe  and  family  filled his mind... and finally  finally , he fell asleep.    

Chapter Text

It started, as so many of his problems did, with a spell.  The unknown scroll, written in barely decipherable  undercommon , had held his attention from the moment Veth pulled it off the body of the Drow.  He had been forced to wait hours to finally try it out, stepping away from the others when they stopped for lunch.    

Honestly, he ended up disappointed.  He had only been able to translate about half of the notes, and upon testing out the verbal and somatic portions on himself... he didn’t feel any different.  He sighed, he would have to look it over again tonight in the tower.  Maybe he could show  Essek  when they returned to the  Xhorhouse ...   

“Ready to go man?” Beau called from where the others were waiting.  

“ Ja , on my way”   

He walked over and made his way towards the cart they had procured from Dr  Waccoh .  He had to admit, he rather missed the  Moorbounders , but this made carrying back the supplies much easier.  As he reached the cart, he was stopped by a large green hand on his arm.  He turned and smiled at Fjord, raising an eyebrow in question.  

“Saw you were caught up with your books, so I grabbed you some lunch” He held out a  sandwich  wrapped in cloth.   

“ Danke  Fjord, you are always so thoughtful, truly it is a wonderful trait” He took the sandwich, lightly squeezing the hand on his arm and climbed into the cart before realizing what he had said.  It was true of course, but he didn’t make a habit of  telling  Fjord what he thought of him.  That way lies madness.  He felt his face heat up when he looked up to see Fjord staring at his hand uncertainly.  He ate the sandwich slowly as they rode, trying to sort out just how awkward things would be when they stopped for the night.  Fjord didn’t seem any different than normal as Caleb watched him over the top of his book, joking with Beau and keeping watch with Caduceus.  Well, that was good he supposed, he would hate for Fjord to be uncomfortable around him.   

Wait, he would?    

Well, of course he would, but that didn’t bear thinking about.    

“You’ve been super quiet today Cay-leb, what are you reading?”   

He tried not to jump as Jester plopped down next to him, snapping the book closed automatically.  

“Oh- I uh, I was just re-reading the history text we found last time we were at the bookstore” he shrugged “it would probably bore you”   

Jester hummed non- committally  and settled in next to him, pulling out her sketchbook.   

“Are you like, totally sure you’re okay though?  You haven’t talked to  anyone  in hours!”  

“I am not as much of a chatterbox as others in our little group” he teased, elbowing her lightly “I have just been distracted”   

“By your book?”  

“ Nein , by Fjord” he paused, distracted by the half-orc in question “and that spell I found, I cannot figure out why it didn’t work earlier”   

“Wait wait, you’re distracted by  Fjord ?”   

“And my new spell I-” he clapped his hands over his mouth, suddenly realizing what he had just said.    

“ Caleb !  Do you have a  crush  on Fjord?” Jester, thankfully, was whispering now, lavender eyes wide.  

“I- I-” he held his hands over his own mouth again and stared in horror at Jester until she furrowed her brow at him  

“Wait, are you okay?  You definitely look like you’re going to puke”   

He shook his head vigorously, releasing his own face to grab the scroll from his coat.  He laid it out and scanned it, feeling the tension build in his chest.    

“ Beauregard ?  Come here please?”   

Beauregard walked up to the edge of the cart, hopping in as it moved like it was nothing.    

“ ’Sup  man?”  

“This word here, what does it look like to you?”  

She moved to sit on his other side and squinted down at the scroll.    

“Looks like...  κρύ βω?  Wait ... actually-” she  reach  over and scrubbed at the parchment with her thumb, dislodging a smudge of dirt “there was a- it looks like  α ληθής   now, why?”  

“ Scheisse ”  

She looked at him with an expression of dawning understanding and horror that matched his.  

“Dude, what did you  do ?”   

“I- I ah...” he swallowed “I think we need to stop for the night now”   

It didn’t take long for them to find a spot to hide the carts, he worked methodically setting up his alarm and the tower.  His head was spinning but he tried his best to stay calm.  Before he knew it, they were settled around the large table in the dining room and the others were all staring at him.  He explained what he had done, the words falling from his lips as though compelled, unable to hide a single mistake.    

“What do you  mean  you just tested it out on yourself?!  What if it had been something dangerous Caleb?” Beauregard sounded both worried and incredibly pissed off.  

“This seems pretty dangerous to me” Yasha mumbled into her mug.  

“ Well  I- I certainly was not about to test it out on any of you, and I was fairly certain I knew what it did...” he trailed off, looking down as he felt his cheeks heat “I would never have tested it on anyone else so I- it was the only option”   

“Why not wait and test it on an  enemy  Cay?” Fjord’s voice was patient as Beau grumbled behind him   

“I- I just thought it would be better to try it out and then know for sure what it did before we were in battle”   

“But what if you’d gotten hurt?  We wouldn’t even know what happened”  

“I do not think my safety is worth possibly missing out on something that could help us”  

Fjord opened his mouth as if to respond, but after a moment he shut it again, shaking his head sadly.  The others stayed quiet, passing thoughtful looks back and forth before Veth broke the silence.  

“So... what  does  it do?” Veth asked, eyeing the scroll as if it might bite “what did you think it did?”  

“I- well I thought it was some kind of invisibility spell, some way to hide, or help with stealth?” he tapped the word that Beauregarde had uncovered “it ah- it appears I was wrong; this word was obscured.  I thought it was the  undercommon  for “to-hide” but it... well, it is the word for “truth” instead so” he sighed, dropping his head into his hands.   

How had he been so  stupid ?  It was such a novice mistake to make, he was supposed to be better than that.    

There was silence around the table for a moment before Jester spoke up.  

“ So  like... does that mean you can’t lie at  all  or?”  

“I am not sure... I need to go over it again to see what it says in the context of-”  

“What’s your  favourite  colour?”   

“Amber”  

“Do you actually like having a beard or do you just not want to shave?”  

“I lost my razor”   

He glared at Jester as the others yelled various versions of “stop” at her.  Jester shrugged and rolled her eyes.  

“I was just trying to see if he could lie!  Did you  want  to  answer,  or did you  have  to?”  

“I certainly did not want to, I do not like sharing information about myself Jester, you know that”   

He gripped his mouth again, glaring at her even as he felt his ears grow warm, but she just nodded and waved over at him triumphantly.  

“There, question answered!  Caleb can totally not lie at all” her expression softened “I guess we probably shouldn’t ask you anything else huh?”  

“I would prefer that, yes” he ground out, muffled by his hands.    

All through dinner the others tried not to direct questions at him, but despite their efforts he still ended up sharing more than he would have liked.  Finally, he stood and made his way to his room, bottom lip firmly gripped between his teeth.  This was awful, it was just more proof of his own hubris.  He felt like a complete idiot for letting something like this happen.  He spread the scroll out on the coffee table in his room and went back to work, thoroughly  cleaning  the damned thing first.   

An hour into his new translation, there was a knock on his door, he sighed.   

“ Eintreten ”  

The door opened without a sound, and then closed a moment later.  

“Hey Cay, just  wanted  to check in since...  y’know , it was a rough one”  

He felt the familiar thrill down his spine as Fjord spoke, not looking up for fear that even his expressions would be forcibly unguarded .   

“ Ja , you could say that I suppose”  

“I figured... well, I thought you might like some company”   

Caleb watched out of the corner of his eye as Fjord settled himself on the couch Caleb was sitting in front of.  Gods how much he wanted to lean back against Fjords legs.   

“Sure, I always enjoy spending time with you”  

He blushed, damn it.  He hadn’t meant to say that  out loud ... he had let his guard down  again .    

“I ah- I have discovered that there is a time limit on the spell, so I will be free of it by morning” he raced to fill the quiet, trying to wash over what he had just said.  

He felt Fjord shift slightly behind him before a warm hand settled on his shoulder.   

“We don’t have to talk Caleb, it’s alright, I don’t want you to feel like you have to say anything you don’t want to”   

“Why are you so nice to me?”  

Caleb bit his tongue and glared at the scroll, stupid gods damned awful spell.  He was going to copy it out and then  burn  the damned scroll to ash.  All it had done was make him act like the idiot he really was.  Stupid bloody loose-tongued-   

“That’s a strange question” Fjords other hand came to rest on his other shoulder, both thumbs making little circles at the base of his neck “I’m nice to you because I like you, thought that was obvious”   

Caleb shook his head, fighting not to lean into the touch.   

“I do  not  deserve-”  

“Well now, how about you let me decide how I want to treat you hm?  I like you, and I try to be nice to the people I like, I say you do deserve it”   

“ Fjord”  he groaned, Fjord didn’t understand “you know what I have done, the horrors I have committed”   

“ Mhmm , I surely do” the circles turned to long strokes along the back of his shoulders “and I’ve told you before, you’re a good man with a tough past.  That  kid  isn’t you anymore”   

Caleb let his eyes close as he finally gave in, leaning into Fjord entirely.   

“A mess is what I am, a walking, talking disaster”   

“Yeah well, we all are, it’s why we get along so well”   

“I think you could get along with anyone, you are amazing”   

Fjord hummed, pausing his shoulder rub to tuck a strand of Caleb’s hair back.  Caleb knew he must be blushing by now, but if everything else about him was going to be over-honest, his complexion might as well.  They sat that way for a while, Fjord working some of the tightness out of Caleb’s shoulders while Caleb  reveled  in the way it quieted his mind.    

“That feels wonderful” he sounded breathless, even to his own ears “truly Fjord”   

Fjord chuckled “anytime, your poor shoulders feel like you could use it”   

“Hmm... perhaps they could, but you know I will never ask”   

“Stubborn bastard”  

“That’s me, stubborn and squishy”   

“I like that about you”  

“That I am squishy?”  

“No, you brat, that you’re stubborn” Fjord’s voice was fond “it’s gotten us out of more than a few scrapes”    

One hand slid up to rub at the sides of Caleb’s neck, just below his hairline, and he had to bite his lip to stop the groan that wanted to slip out.  When was the last time anyone had touched him kindly like this?  He really didn’t deserve  it;  he was a horrible person.  Fjord was too good for him by half, too kind and caring for someone like Caleb.    

“Relax Cay, I’ve got you”   

“I do not deserve you”   

“You let me be the judge of that, now relax and tell me about this spell”   

To his own surprise, he did.  The remainder of the night was spent with Caleb talking about any spell Fjord asked about.  It was a safe subject, as he very rarely felt a need to lie about his magic... and never to Fjord.  Fjord for his part made sure to avoid any questions that weren’t directly related to spells, his hands never stilling.  Eventually, Fjord had to head back to his own room, both of them  wiped after a long day.  Caleb stood and stretched, amazed at how relaxed his shoulders felt, and walked Fjord to the door.  They stood for a moment, just looking at each other as Caleb tried to figure out how to thank Fjord without giving too much away.  It turned out that he hadn’t needed to worry.  Fjord stepped into Calebs space, a hand coming to rest on his hip.  

“There’s something we’re going to need to talk about tomorrow, once you have control over your words again”   

“O-oh?”   

“ Mhmm , it’s been on my mind a while, and after hearing what you said to Jester today well... I think you might be amenable”   

Caleb’s heart was pounding as Fjord leaned in and pressed his lips to Caleb’s in a gentle kiss.  Caleb gripped the front of his shirt, pushing up onto his toes to kiss back.  When Fjord pulled away, there  was a  soft smile playing across his mouth.   

“Tomorrow, sound good?”  

“It sounds perfect”   

Chapter Text

“You... said you worked with Trent?”   

Essek  nodded, looking down into his mug.  It was still so hard to make eye contact with Caleb.  They had been travelling together for days, and he had thought it would be easier as they spent more time in the ruins.  He had been mistaken.  

That, it seemed, was nothing new.   

“I... I only dealt with him if  Ludinus  was otherwise occupied”   

Caleb hummed in understanding, and a memory resurfaced from before- well, before Aeor.    

“I believe Trent it also aware”  

“That guy’s a fuck hole”  

“You’re not wrong”  

“I- I believe Jester has mentioned before that you are  acquainted  with  Ikithon ?”   

Caleb was looking at him now,  Essek  can feel clever blue eyes boring into his skin, burning it.  Perhaps that was a bad question to ask?  The entire Nein seem to  hate   Ikithon , which he could understand of course but...   

“I am more than acquainted with Trent  Ikithon , he is the reason I am who I am”  

Essek  couldn’t help the way his head whipped around to look at Caleb now, being caught in the blue gaze again.  He looked... sad, almost wistful.  What could cause that kind of reaction.  

“I- I am afraid I do not follow”  

“Hmm... no, I suppose- well" Caleb looked away again, off towards where the others were setting up a fire “do you recall, quite some time ago now, the  Volstrucker - Scourger you had in the dungeon at the Bastion?”   

“I do”  

“I- well, quite simply put, I was one of them”   

Essek  blinked, confusion swirling around in his mind.  He had met other Scourgers since the woman who had stabbed  Caleb.    Ikithon  had brought at least one with him every time they had met, and stories of their brutality... their  cruelty,  had been seeping into the Dynasty for years.  They were powerful, and loyal only to  Ikithon  if the rumors were to be believed.   

There was no way that Caleb could be one of them.   

“Forgive me but- I was under the impression that they all... work for Trent”   

“They do” he smiled, but it was a bitter thing “I am his only failure”   

“I do not believe you could be considered any kind of failure”   

He said it without meaning to, and felt the tips of his ears warm, but Caleb only shrugged, looking down into his tea.   

“When I said that the difference between us was thinner than a razor, I meant it literally.  I did... I have done  horrible  things, all in the name of knowledge”   

“I started a  war  Caleb, I doubt you can-”  

“I murdered my parents Essek, burned them in their beds”   

He stared, unable to form any kind of coherent response.    

Caleb...  Caleb ? The man who would do anything for the weird little family he ran around  with?   The man who looked at  Essek , in his greed and his hubris, and showed him only kindness?  Who even now, was sitting quietly, allowing him as much time as he needed to process this.  Somehow  Essek  knew that if he got up now, and walked away, Caleb wouldn’t stop him.  Caleb, who... like himself, had done horrible things in the name of knowledge.   Who in all the hells was Essek to judge?    

“Tell me why”   

His voice was much calmer than he felt, and Caleb looked at him with clear  surprise .  

“Tell you... why I murdered my parents”   

“Tell me why.  You know why I gave away the beacons, tell me why you killed them”   

Caleb seemed to consider this for a moment, before he nodded slowly.    

“Alright, well... It began in a small town called Blumenthal...”  

Chapter Text

He runs through the growing smoke, the acrid smell choking him and filling his lungs.  He covers his mouth and nose as well as he can with his arm, but it doesn't seem to do much.  His eyes are watering, but he  knows , he just  knows  that if he pushes  through  he’ll find them.  He can  save  them if he just keeps going.    

He pushes past a fallen beam, the fire roars around him, nearly deafening him to anything but the sound of blood rushing in his ears.    

He hears a  scream;  someone is screaming for help!  

He pushes through towards the  sound;  the heat is nearly unbearable now and he knows he’s close to the heart of the flames.  He  has to  get them out!    

Then, he trips, landing hard on his hands on the scalding ground.  He cries out in pain, the heat is horrible, the  smell  is worse.  The sickly smell surrounding him now is horribly familiar... like roasting meat but  wrong .    

No.  No it can’t be.   

He turns to see what he tripped over, and he screams.  The bodies are nearly entirely blackened now, the taller of the two has one charred hand desperately reaching towards him.    

Blue eyes, exactly the same shade as his own stare at him and he screams again.  

“ Bren, Bren  mein  Junge,  warum  hast du das  getan ?  Warum   würden  Sie  uns  das antun?”  

His  fathers  voice is dry as the boards that burn around them, and Caleb can feel himself crying, even as the tears dry instantly on his face.  The other body looks at him now from where it is curled against his fathers, brown eyes, once so kind and full of love make his heart break.  

“Mein Schatz,  wir   haben  dich so  sehr  geliebt”  

His  mothers  voice, barely remembered and only ever heard as the fire rages around him.  He screams and screams, begs them to forgive him, begs them to stop, cries out to any god that will listen and begs them to put out the fire he started.    

He will die  here;  he will burn with his parents and he will  deserve  it.  He lays down and sobs, reaching for his  fathers  nearly gone hand.    

“Caleb?”  

This voice... doesn’t belong here.    

“Cay, Cay sweetheart wake up”  

His eyes fly open with a gasp “ Mutter!”   

Arms wrap around him, warm and steady as a hand cards through his hair.    

“Hey, hey there...  shhh  you’re alright love”   

Caleb grips the shirt in front of him, trying desperately to calm his breathing and slow his heartbeat.  The reeking smell of burning flesh still in his nostrils as he gasps.  He can feel the tears on his cheeks now, sticky and burning hot.  He looks up, desperate to see something that isn’t flame and death.  Fjord is looking back at him, still sleepy eyes full of concern as he strokes Caleb’s hair.  Caleb buries his face against Fjord’s chest, trying to replace the smells of the dream with his familiar scent.  

“ Fjord ,  Sie  waren  - ich  sah   sie  wieder”  

“ I’m sorry Cay, I don’t understand...  you’re  safe now, you’re alright”   

Fjord’s voice is gentle, soothing as he holds Caleb close.  Eventually, the shaking subsides, and Caleb is able to  breathe again.  He’s exhausted now, but there’s no way he’ll sleep again tonight.  He looks up again, and Fjord offers him a tentative smile.    

“There you are... I’ve got you”   

“I’m sorry Fjord, I-”  

“It’s alright, as long as you’re okay... do you want to talk about it?”   

“I- It was-” he takes a deep breath, shifting so they can lay down comfortably again “my parents... I was there and-” he shudders and shakes his head, but Fjord seems to  understand.  

“What can I do?”  

“Just stay with me?”   

Caleb feels a kiss pressed to the top of his head.  

“Always Cay”   

Chapter Text

“There is nothing we can do Beauregard”   

“Fuck that”  

He watched as she continued to dig through her pack, her movements sharp and almost twitchy.  Her face was contorted in a rage that he knew stemmed from fear rather than actual anger.  He sighed and laid his head back down on the pillow she had fashioned from his coat.  The wound didn’t even really hurt now, just a dull ache in his stomach, and as much as he preferred that to the searing pain... he knew it wasn’t a good sign.    

Hells, even his ability to think about it was a bad sign.    

He was likely in shock, if the strange fuzziness of the world around him was any indicator.  The odd detached feeling of his own body really couldn’t be a good thing.  

“Where the  fuck  is the stupid kit?”   

“We used it, I told you that”   

“I bought another one!”   

He sighed again “no, we haven’t been home yet for you to do so”   

He groaned as her foot jostled his leg, suddenly reminding his nerves that he was injured.   

“Fuck- shit, sorry” she moved over, blanching as she lifted his shirt again to check the wound.   

“Don’t- just don’t look”   

She turned to face him, glaring “what do you mean  just don’t look ?  How am I supposed to fix it if-”  

“We have nothing to fix it with Beauregard, all you are doing is upsetting yourself”   

There was a moment of tense silence as she continued to glare at him before her shoulders drooped.  The sadness and fear she was so adept at hiding behind rage and  determination  finally slipped into her expression, and she moved closer, coming to lay down beside him.    

“Any more word from the others?”   

“Nothing since Jesters last message, they are on the way, hold on”  

She sighed, reaching out and taking his hand in hers.  He squeezed as well as he could, feeling her return it immediately.    

“Just don’t look?”   

“ Ja , exactly”  

“Think that’ll help?”  

“Probably not, but at least you will not have to  see  what is killing me”   

“I’ll punch you when they bring you back y’know, if you die”  

“If you punch  me,  I will probably just die again”   

“Fair point”   

“Let’s just... I am going to fall asleep”   

“I’ll be here, I won’t look... but I’ll be here”   

“Thank  you, Beauregard ”   

“Anytime”   

They lay in silence then, her hand in his the only real sensation he had anymore.  He was so tired, and he knew the end was coming.  He took a deep breath, wanting to feel the air in his lungs once more, and then... he fell asleep.    

Chapter Text

"Cay..." He whispered, and then shouted "CALEB!" as he made a dash towards the prone human.  

"Cay- wha -fuck!" Beau yelled, chasing behind him "Fjord!!  Fjord it's not him, it's not Caleb!"  

It had to be him; Fjord would know him anywhere.  He was  right there,  and he was hurt!  He slowed as they got closer, Caleb wasn't moving.  He wasn’t responding to Fjords voice... Caleb wouldn't ignore him.  Beau caught is arm then, yanking him back.  

"Fjord, I know you- I know you want to find him but that is  not  Caleb" she pulled again, trying to turn him "it's the forest man, the trees!  That weird pollen shit making you hallucinate."   

His mind riled against that thought, Caleb was  right there , how could he be fake?  But even as he tried to hold on to it, the image began to fade and the sheer cliff it had been hiding came into view.  He let out a sound between a growl and a sob, and Beau pulled him back farther.  They didn't speak until they were back with Jester and Veth.   

"We'll find them, all of them, we just need to keep our heads."   

They searched for what felt like hours, the forest playing tricks all the while .  The trees themselves seemed to shift.  Did normal trees do that.... He  couldn't  recall.  Maybe they did?    

Had they seen that  particular gr ouping  before?    

His mind felt as foggy as the world around them, it made him sleepy.  Maybe they should take a nap?  

"Where...  What are we doing again?"   

"We uh... We're trying to get out of the woods?"   

Beau didn't sound any more certain than Jester, but the fielding lit up.  

"I can do that!  I can fly us up and out!"  

Beau whooped, grabbing Jester in a hug, but something was nagging at the back of Fjords mind... They were looking for something weren't they?   Didn't  they need to...  

Blue eyes dancing with mischief, hair turned fiery in a  Nicodranas  sunset.  A pale hand stark against his green one...  

He dug his thumb into the scar on his palm.  

"Caleb"  

Jester looked at him in confusion, brows furrowed as she pulled out her traveller symbol  

“Who?”  

“ Caleb  Jes, Caleb.  We  have to  find him”   

“And Yasha!” Beau shouted, looking horrified “and Cad... how- fuck"   

“We need to get out of this fog, that has to be... that’s what’s making us...”   

They stared at each other as Fjord fought to remember what they had been talking about.  They needed to... they had to find something?   

Caleb.  Caleb, Caduceus and Yasha.    

He cursed, staring around them into the fog.  They had to keep moving.    

They walked, each of them taking it in turns to speak the names of their missing friends out loud, a mantra and a prayer.  They had to find  them and  get as far from these woods as possible.    

Finally, as the darkness was beginning to settle over the cursed forest and their energy was starting to fade, there came a shout through the fog.  

“Beau!”   

Beaus  head snapped towards the shadows that were rushing towards them, a soft glow emanating from one.  They moved forward, Beau shouting for Yasha as she came into view.  The glow was coming from Caduceus’s staff who reached them first, and the firbolg smiled when they got close.   

“Glad to see you all stuck together, I was worried when we started having... ah... memory issues”  

“We nearly flew away!” Jester cried, wringing her hands “this forest it the  worst!   If it hadn’t been for Fjord remembering Caleb we- ”   

Fjord’s heart pounded in his chest as he realized he couldn’t see him.   

“ Where’s Caleb?”   

Caduceus pointed back to where Yasha was just now reaching the group.  

“He um... well-”  

“I had to knock him out” Yasha said apologetically “he kept forgetting we were friends and trying to wander off... or attack us”    

She had Caleb slumped over her back, holding his legs with his arms slumped loosely over her shoulders.  Long auburn hair that had clearly come loose at some point was hiding his face, and Fjord felt his heart constrict.  He stepped forward and to the side, brushing back Caleb’s hair to see his face.  There was a growing bruise on his temple where Fjord assumed Yasha had knocked him out, but otherwise... he could easily have just been asleep.    

“Let me take him, please?”   

She nodded, still looking bashful.  Fjord knew she had only done what was necessary, but the sight of him hurt was still hard to bear.  It took some shuffling, but soon enough he had Caleb cradled in his arms with his head rested against his shoulder.  Beau clapped a hand on his free shoulder to get his attention.  

“We need to get out of here, I don’t think we want to see what comes out in a place like this at night”   

He  nodded,  the only question was... how?   

“Oh” Caduceus looked to Jester “we could- couldn't we use...?”  

She stared for a moment and then clapped excitedly “Caduceus you are SO smart!! I totally... forgot...” she shivered, but then smiled again “yeah  yeah   yeah  okay!  We can get everyone home!  Get close!”   

They all grouped up, settling hands on each other more for comfort than out of necessity.  Jester and Caduceus stared at each other as Jester started to count.   

“One... two... three...”  

“Home!” “Home”   

There was an uncomfortable tug, and then they were in Jester's childhood bedroom at the Lavish Chateau.  Beau let out a whoop of joy, throwing her arms around Jester and Caduceus.  Veth dropped into a chair with an exhausted sigh as Yasha patted her shoulder.  Fjord’s burst of excitement was tempered slightly by Caleb shifting slightly in his arms.  He looked down to see Calebs face scrunch in discomfort before his eyes fluttered open.  Confused blue eyes took in the room around them, and then settled on  Fjord's  face, brows furrowed.    

“Cay?” Fjord felt the uncertainty building “Caleb... are you- what do you remember?”  

“I...” Caleb blinked at him “I do not...”   

Fjord carried him over to a large armchair, setting him down and dropping to one knee in front of him.  He took Caleb’s scarred hand in his, pressing the scars together and sending a prayer up to the  Wildmother  that the fog would lift.  There were a few tense minutes, as Caleb looked around again from face to face, before finally settling back on Fjord.  Calebs hand twitched in his, squeezing tighter as all at once understanding seemed to flood his eyes.  He dropped out of the chair, threw his arms around  Fjord's  neck and clung on.   

“Oh-  Fjord”     

Chapter Text

Fjord groaned as he shut the apartment door, dropping his work bag and stretching.  Another  twelve-hour shift, and he was utterly wiped out.  He dropped his coat on the hook, tugging his long-dead phone out and setting it to charge on the kitchen counter.  The apartment was quiet, not that Caleb was exactly a loud person to live with, but it was quiet in that empty way.   Frumpkin  wandered over with a  mrrp  of greeting.  He grabbed a glass of water and scratched under the  cats  chin, waiting for his phone to charge enough to turn it on.    

“Where’s your daddy tonight Frumpy?  Has he gone over to  Veths  again?”   

Frumpkin only purred, rubbing his head against Fjord’s hand.  

“Not chatty tonight?  Ah well, that’s okay, we’ll know soon enough I’m sure”  

He left the phone to charge, deciding to grab a shower and change.  If Caleb was at Veth’s then odds were good he’d stay over.  Ever since little Luc was born, he had been spending as much time as he could there,  helping out .  Beau had been teasing Fjord that Caleb would be talking about their own kids soon, which was equal parts terrifying and hilarious.    

Showered and feeling much better, Fjord grabbed his phone and turned it on.  A few messages from Beau, one from Molly, one from Caleb and... a voicemail?  The only people who ever called him were  Vandran  and Caleb, but the missed call was an unknown number.  Weird.  He typed in his passcode and set the phone on the counter on speakerphone, intent on getting himself some dinner.   

“Hello, this is a call for Fjord Widogast from  Nicodranas  General Hospital”   

Fjord dropped his plate and grabbed the phone, putting it to his ear   

“- ave you listed as the emergency contact for Mr. Caleb Widogast.  There’s been an accident, and he has been brought in for treatment”   

Fuck. Fuck  fuck  fuck.    

The voicemail was from nearly 8 hours ago.  Caleb had been in an accident over  eight   hours ago  and he had no idea.  What if he was... no.   No  he couldn’t be, they would have called again. He grabbed his coat and threw his boots back on, racing out to his truck.  The hospital wasn’t too far away, he could get there in a few minutes if he hit green lights.  He cursed himself as he looked at his phone again, the battery was at 30% now.  If he had  actually charged  it (“like Caleb told you to” said a nasty voice in his head) then he would have been there.  He could have been there the whole  time,  he would know what was going on already.    

Caleb hated hospitals, he always had, and now Fjord had left him alone and injured in one for  hours .  He was probably terrified.    

If he was awake... if he was  alive .   

Fjords  chest was tight now as he drove the familiar roads, breathing was becoming more difficult.  He had to get to Caleb.  He pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, took his ticket with shaking hands.  He had no memory of the  drive,  his heart was beating too fast in his chest.  He knew he should stop, breathe, try to calm down, but he couldn’t.  The nurse at the desk looked concerned when he walked up, his eyes narrowing as he took in Fjord’s expression.   

“Can I help you sir?”   

“Caleb Widogast, I’m here for- is he okay?  My phone died and I-”   

The nurse stood and walked around the desk, pulling him gently to a chair.  

“Take a breath sir, you’re no good to anyone if you’re  panicking  okay?  We’ll check the system for you”   

Fjord nodded and tried to focus on his breathing.  He hadn’t had a panic attack in months, he closed his eyes and counted.  It was a technique Caleb had taught him... three seconds in, hold, three seconds out.  After a moment his chest felt closer to normal and he looked at the nurse again,  embarrassment   colouring  his face.   

“There now, my colleague says your...”   

“Husband”  

“Your husband is in recovery.  If you follow the blue line on the wall, he’s in room 143”   

“Thank you” Fjord stood, taking another breath “recovery means-”  

“He’s doing fine, yes.  Go on now”   

He nodded to the nurses again and made his way down the hall, following the blue line they had pointed out.  The sterile scent of the hospital made his nose itch, and he walked faster as the room numbers climbed, finally stopping outside 143.  The curtain on the window was pulled up, but his view of the hospital bed was blocked by a person in blue scrubs.  He opened the door and they turned, smiling and stepping back a bit so he could see the bed.    

“There now Caleb, look who’s here”  

“Fjord!”   

Caleb sat up, causing the woman to  tutt  and push him lightly back against the  mattress  as Fjord cleared the space in three long strides.    

“If you move about like  that  you’ll pull your stitches”  

Caleb didn’t respond to her, just holding out a hand to Fjord who took it immediately.  He made quite the picture, dressed in a hospital gown and surrounded by the beeping machines.  Both hands had  IV’s  in them, which made Fjords skin itch to see.  His right arm was up in a sling, clearly broken, and there was a large piece of gauze taped to the right side of his jaw. Bruises covered most of his right side as well as far as Fjord could see.  He felt guilt rip through him again, Caleb had been sitting here in pain and alone for  hours .   

“Cay... oh sweetheart I’m so sorry.  What happened?”  

“It ah... it’s a bit fuzzy” Caleb looked up at the nurse, brows furrowed.  

“A drunk driver hit his car” she supplied “the fuzziness is a mild concussion, it’ll clear up in a few weeks” she turned to Fjord “he’s also got three broken ribs, the broken arm and several nasty cuts that’ll need looking after.”  

Fjord nodded, squeezing Caleb’s hand gently, of course, he would look after him.  

“I’ve got a few more people to see, but we’ll be keeping him overnight”   

There were a few moments of quiet (minus the  ever-present  beeping of the machines) as she made sure everything was as it should  be.   The moment she left, Fjord turned to Caleb and felt his chest constrict again.   

“Darlin’- Cay I’m so sorry, I should have been here.  If I had just charged the damned phone like you always tell me I...” he leaned down, pressing his forehead to Caleb’s hand “I’m so sorry, this must have been... gods Cay I was so fucking scared”   

He knew he was babbling, but he couldn’t help it.  The fear and the adrenaline from the call was starting to fade, being replaced by the horrible understanding of just how bad this could have been.    

“Fjord, Fjord look at me please?”   

He looked back up, guilt and sorrow and relief and fear all twisting in his gut.  Caleb just smiled tiredly at him, tugging his hand.  Fjord followed, getting the hint and settling himself lightly on the edge of the bed closer to Caleb.  He looked up at Fjord, before leaning slightly to press a kiss to his shoulder.  

“ Schatz , I know you got here as soon as you could.  I have not had a good night, that much is obvious, but I do not blame you” he rested his head on  Fjord's  shoulder now, sighing “I am just glad you’re here now”   

“I’m sorry Cay- really"  

“I should be the one apologizing... the car is a write off”   

“I don’t give two shits about the car, it’s you I’m worried about.  That list of injuries was long”   

Caleb hummed, intertwining his fingers with Fjord’s as a response.   

“I think I will have to apologize to you again, when they let me out... there is much I will not be able to do for a while”   

“An excuse to be as obsessively doting as I  want?   What’s to apologize for”   

“Mother hen Fjord will be out in full force I suspect”  

“Cluck  cluck  sweetheart”   

They sat in silence for a few minutes, and Fjord could feel Caleb falling asleep.  Slowly, and gently as possible, he helped him get settled properly on the pillows to sleep.  There was a padded armchair on the other side of the room that Fjord dragged over, settling himself down within easy reaching distance of Caleb’s good hand.  They might joke about it, but Fjord knew he wouldn’t be comfortable leaving Caleb alone any time soon.    

“Fjord?”  

“Yeah Cay?”  

“Try to sleep, I am going to be fine, I promise”   

“Love you Cay”  

“ Ich  liebe  dich  Fjord”   

Chapter Text

Beau and Yasha arrived at the hospital around noon to pick them up.  Fjord had called that morning, explaining the situation and worrying that the truck would be too hard for Caleb to get into.  The door flew open, and Caleb winced at the sound.    

“Beau,  concussion  remember?” Fjord glared   

“Shit- right sorry man”   

She walked over, a sheepish look on her face as she stopped to take in the scene.  Fjord knew what she was seeing, because he saw it too.  Caleb covered in bandages and bruises, Caleb in a cast, in a hospital, with tubes all around him.  Caleb  hurt .  He caught her eye and grimaced  sympathetically;  it would be hard for her.  A large hand landed on his shoulder and he looked up to see Yasha smiling tentatively at him.  

“We brought clothes”   

“ Danke  Yasha, Beauregard, that was very thoughtful of you”   

“No naked ginger butts in the van”   

“Such a wonderful sister, your concern is touching”   

“I don’t want your ass  touching  the seats is all”   

Fjord rolled his eyes and stood, leaning forward to hit the buzzer for the  nurse's  station.    

The next hour was a blur of activity while the nurse got Caleb unhooked from his machines, Fjord walked him (probably too slowly) to the bathroom to help him change from the hospital gown to the clothes Beau had brought.  She had made excellent choices, soft worn sweatpants and a loose fitted t-shirt (one of Fjords, if the way it hung off Caleb’s shoulder was an indication) and a zippered hoodie.  Fjord tried not to wince at the sheer amount of bruising that covered Caleb’s skin, but his expression betrayed him.  Caleb reached for him as Fjord went to open the door, tugging lightly to get him close before pressing his forehead to Fjord’s shoulder.  Fjord held him as gently as he could, feeling the way Caleb’s hands shook where they gripped his shirt.  The nurse had given him a rundown off all the necessary caretaking instructions, along with a few printouts with the same information.  Beau took Fjords keys and parking lot ticket, offering to drive the truck back to their apartment so he could sit in the van with Caleb.    

Getting Caleb into the apartment took much longer than usual, mostly because Fjord refused to let him walk faster than  absolutely necessary .  Yasha walked in ahead of them, unlocking the door and scooping up a very grumpy  Frumpkin .  She went ahead, turning on as few lights as she could.  Fjord got Caleb settled in his favourite armchair before taping the care instructions to the fridge.   

No strenuous activity, limit screens, no driving... Sleep upright at first, icepack for pain, pain meds....  

Did they have pain meds?  He couldn’t remember the last time they had bought any.  He checked the bathroom, pulling out a mostly empty bottle and shaking two loose.  Grabbing a glass of  water  he made his way back to the living room.  Yasha had settled herself on the floor cushion Molly had bought them the year before, and  Frumpkin  was purring in Caleb’s lap.  Fjord held out the meds and Caleb sighed.  

“You heard the nurse, take them every four hours on the dot unless you want the pain to catch up to you”   

Caleb took the meds, swallowing them with the cold water and handed the glass back.    

“Beau’s grabbing meds, she wants to know if you want burgers?”   

Yasha and Beau left around dinner, keeping an eye on Caleb while Fjord made all the necessary phone calls to Caduceus and  Vandran .  Caleb wouldn’t be working until his concussion was at least mostly gone, and Fjord knew he wouldn’t work until Caleb could be left alone again.  He was suddenly far more thankful for all the horrible overtime shifts he had been working.   

The first two weeks were the worst.    

Caleb struggled with the effects of the concussion most, the fogginess in his mind was something he wasn't used to.  He was forgetful and unbalanced to the point of Fjord insisting on helping him every time he had to walk more than a few steps.  It didn’t help that he couldn’t watch TV without an instant headache or read without getting nauseous.  Fjord tried to make things as easy as he could, but Caleb was irritable and frustrated by it all.  He couldn’t even take a shower without at least leaving the door open in case he got the spins.    

“I hate this Fjord, I  hate  it”   

“I know love, it’s got to be frustrating, but-”  

“But nothing, this is the worst.  I just want to  read or  sleep normally!  Is that so much to ask?”  

Fjord just sighed, wrapping an arm around his shoulder gently and pressing a kiss to his temple.  The helpless feeling was something he was rapidly getting used to.    

The snappish behaviour continued, only getting worse as time went on.  It got to a point that Fjord just stopped talking, as anything he said seemed to set Caleb off.  He didn’t blame him of course, Caleb was used to being independent, he was used to working and reading and writing... he couldn’t do any of that.  And if he took it out on Fjord well... Fjord was still battling the guilt of leaving him in the hospital by himself all night.  It was worse when the nightmares started, Caleb would wake sweating and shaking and absolutely refuse to let Fjord near him.  Fjords own nightmares he kept to himself.    

Things started to look up as Caleb’s concussion symptoms lessened and he was able to do more on his own, but Fjord still hovered.  He tried to hide it as well as he could, but the image of Caleb in the hospital, of the black and purple bruising that had covered his skin... well, that sort of thing is hard to forget.  

Four weeks had passed, and Caleb had been given the okay to sleep lying down again, and they were finally getting the cast off his arm.  The doctor had been very pleased with the progress his ribs were making as well.  They lay in bed the night the cast came off, Caleb lifted his arm up into the air and flexed his fingers.   

“Must feel nice”  

“It feels... lighter” he sat up, turning to looked at Fjord and chewing his lip “Fjord...”  

Fjord sighed, sitting up and pulling Caleb close, he knew that face.   

“Whatever you’re about to apologize for, don’t”   

“But-”  

“Nope” Fjord popped the P before pressing a kiss to Calebs cheek “nothing to apologize for”  

“I was awful to  you;  you were just trying to help”  

“You were frustrated and had a literal brain injury Cay.  I can’t imagine how... how shitty that must be, and I’m the one who should be apologizing anyway”   

“If this is about the phone thing again-”  

“You were  alone  in there, after getting in a massive accident”  

It was Caleb’s turn to sigh as Fjord settled them back in bed and Caleb pressed in as close as he could to Fjords side.  It was hard not to just roll over and hold him properly, but his ribs still had healing to  do  and Fjord would be damned before he messed them up.    

The next morning while Fjord was making breakfast, Caleb walked into the kitchen looking excited.    

“What’s up?”  

“Turn around”   

Fjord set the pan onto a cool burner and turned, raising an eyebrow curiously as Caleb stepped in close.  Caleb slid his arms around Fjord’s waist, holding tight as Fjord wrapped his around the smaller  mans  shoulders.  He rested his cheek against the top of Caleb’s head, taking a deep breath as the comfort of having him close washed over him.    

“I realized I didn’t do this yesterday” Calebs voice was muffled against his shirt “I wanted to, because I couldn’t before and... gods it feels so nice”   

“I missed it too”   

They stood like that, just holding each other, until the toasted buzzed and pulled them back to reality.    

The day of Calebs six-week checkup arrived in a buzz of excitement.  If the x-rays came back clean, Caleb could go back to his life.  Fjord knew he was desperate to get back to work.  The concussion was nearly gone from what they could tell, he had been able to read without feeling sick for nearly a week now and the bathroom light was no longer the enemy.  If his ribs were healed to a point that the doctors were no longer concerned...   

Fjord sat in the waiting room while Caleb was in the  x-ray , drinking the horrible hospital coffee and wishing for some of Cad’s tea.  The nurse who had been on duty the night of Caleb’s accident came out to get him, smiling encouragingly.  He was led down the hall to one of the small consultation rooms, the nurse opened the door and Fjord stepped in.  He barely had enough to register the X-rays up on the light screen before Caleb had thrown his arms around Fjord's neck, knocking the air out of him.  He caught Caleb instinctively, wrapping his arms around his chest and steadying them both with a laugh.  

“Good news I guess?”   

He looked over Calebs head to the  doctor , who was smiling indulgently as he nodded.   

“All clear, his ribs look good as new.  Just keep an eye on any lingering concussion symptoms and hopefully we won’t see you any time soon”  

“Thanks doc, really”  

Fjord managed to steer Caleb out of the room, shuffling them so that he was tucked under  Fjord's  arm as they walked.  They got to the parking lot and Caleb pulled him to a stop before he could open the truck.  Fjord turned, and Caleb wrapped himself around him again.  Fjord chuckled, burying his nose in the long ginger hair and reveling in the simple pleasure of holding him tight.    

“It feels good to have proper grip on you again”   

Fjord kissed the top of his head, giving him a squeeze.  

“Damn right it does”   

Chapter Text

There was a familiar rhythmic knock on the door, and Caleb felt a smile spread across his face immediately.  It had been a long, exhausting day and Fjord’s company was exactly what he needed.  Their... relationship was one of the few things keeping him sane in this frozen wasteland.    

“Come in”  

The door opened silently, and he set his book down on the bedside table as it clicked shut.  He stood, making his way to the end of the bed to smile at Fjord.  The half-orc stood by the plush  couch;  his hand rested on the back of it as the other  fidgeted  with the amulet around his neck.    

“I was thinking of sending one of the cats for wine, if you would like?”  

Fjord looked up, meeting his eye with a nervous smile.  

“Maybe in a bit, I- well, I want to tell you something real quick”  

Calebs heart jumped into his throat, nerves suddenly kicking into high gear as he inspected Fjord’s expression.  He looked nervous, and a little uncertain on top of the layer of exhaustion they all wore.  Caleb stepped backwards toward the bedpost, taking a breath.  

“Okay.  What is it you wanted to talk about?”  

“Jester- Jester kissed me.”  

Oh.   Oh .  

Oh no.    

This was  it,  this was what he had feared from the first kiss they had shared.  This was the end that he had fooled himself into believing he could avoid.   Of course  Jester had kissed him, of course he was going to choose her.  Who wouldn’t when the other option was... well... Caleb.   

“I see” he looked down at his  slippered  feet, trying to keep his voice calm “I- Well, I understand of course.  She has never really hidden her feelings for you.”  He swallowed, digging his nails into his palms, he would  not  cry, not in front of Fjord.  Not when this was clearly the better choice for him in the long run. “We said no strings attached and I-” he took a shaking breath “I will not stand in your way”   

It felt as though an elephant were sitting on his chest, the effort to keep standing was quickly becoming too much.  He wished Fjord would just leave, just go and leave him to his misery.  Caleb had known heartbreak before, though he had thought himself well past the ability to feel it again.  He leaned back against the bed post, trying to steady his breathing.  He  would not cry.  Fjord was his friend, first and foremost, and any more romantic feelings could be shoved back into the box they had hidden in all this time.  He would make sure of  it,  he would not ruin this for Fjord.  His voice was quiet, and rough with the effort when he finally lost control.  

“I will not stop you; I wish I... I just wish I had never given you the chance.  I wish you have never made me believe I had one.”  

“Cay what- no hey hold on”   

The sound of footsteps was slightly muffled by the thick rugs on his floor, but he heard them, nonetheless.  He shrank back, shoulders coming up protectively as Fjord entered his personal space... something that 24 hours ago he would have relished.  A warm hand came to cup his jaw gently, one thumb brushing over his cheekbone in what once was a comforting gesture but now just felt like a cruelty.    

“Cay- Caleb, I clearly did this wrong, that’s not- I don’t” Fjord sighed, settling his other hand on Caleb’s hip “I told her  no  Caleb, I told her I wasn’t interested”  

Caleb looked up, feeling his eyes go wide as his traitorous heart fluttered hopefully in his chest.  Amber eyes, full of concern and clear contrition looked back at him.   Fjords  brows were furrowed as he seemed to search Calebs face.  Caleb fought back the hope, shoving it down as far as he could.   

“Why tell me, if not to- if you were not planning to end... whatever we are?”   

Fjord sighed, leaning in to press his forehead against Calebs.   

“I really didn’t word this right.  I should have- fuck okay” he pulled away again, taking a breath “I wanted to tell you so you wouldn’t hear about it later and wonder why I  hadn’t  told you”   

Caleb looked down, eyes settling on where he could see the cord from the amulet tucked under Fjords shirt.  

“Oh... I see”   

“And-”  

“And?”  

Caleb’s eyes flicked back up, uncertain all over again and unable to resist the  interruption , but Fjord smiled at him, stroking his cheek again.   

“ And , I wanted to- well, it made me realize... this whole “no strings” thing we’ve been doing?  It just isn’t going to work for me”   

“Oh.”   

Before the weight could settle back on his chest, Fjord tilted his chin up, pulling his eyes back to look into Fjords.    

“It’s not  gonna  work, because I  want  the strings Cay, all of them”   

“You... want the strings”   

“ Mhmm ” Fjord leaned in, brushing a feather light kiss across Caleb’s lips “all the strings.”   

Caleb’s head was reeling, the weight lifting from his chest so quickly it made him dizzy.  He leaned into Fjord; palms pressed to his chest for balance.  Fjord took it in stride, moving the hand that had been on his hip to the small of his back and brushing their noses again with a smile.  

“What d’you say?”   

“I... I think we can make that work”   

“Good,  let's  make it work”  

Chapter Text

“There has to be another way!”   

“What if we-”  

“ No,  we tried that, have we tried-”  

“No but they’re mages!”  

Caleb watched the others argue, but he knew it was no use.  They would come to the same conclusion soon enough, but how long they would rail against it remained to be seen.  There were no other options, Trent wanted him, and if he didn’t go then his former master would wreak havoc on innocents.  He had lost his mind, that much was clear, and now he wanted Caleb.    

There was only one thing for it, and he could see no reason to let his family argue about it any longer.  

“You have to let me go”   

The uproar at his words was pretty much exactly what he expected, but he held firm, keeping his face calm.  They had to understand that this was how it was always meant to end.    

“When we met” he started, waiting for them to go quiet “when we met, I wanted only to use the protection offered by the group to keep myself safe until I was strong enough to fulfil my goals.  Then I realized that you all could be useful for that as well... or at least that Nott, as she was then, would be safe with you when I finally left.” he paused again, letting his words sink in “However... as we travelled together, I grew- I grew to love you all, very much”   

He held up a hand as Beau tried to interrupt, looking at her pleadingly.  He had to get this off his chest, he had to convince them to let him go.  She scowled but nodded.   

“Thank you” he took a breath “I love you all, very much, as I say... and as such I- well I cannot let you do what I once would have used you for.  I cannot let you throw your lives away fighting my battle.  For you to die because of me... I could not bear it.”   

There was a moment of silence, before Fjords arm wrapped around his shoulder and pulled him close.    

“Cay, don’t you get it?”   

Caleb looked at him, the familiar warmth that being close always caused filling his chest.    

“ Yeah,  you idiot”   

He turned to glare in confusion at Beauregard, but she just rolled her eyes  

“We love you too dumbass, we’re  family  remember?  We help each other”   

“But this will be  dangerous -”  

“And all the other shit we do isn’t?” Fjord interrupted now, squeezing him lightly “That’s basically our whole lives”  

Caleb opened his mouth to argue, but Beauregard shushed him, reaching out to take his hand.   

“Look, where you go, we go.  If you don’t like it that’s just too bad”   

“You’re stuck with us now Cay-leb"   

There was a general hum of agreement as Jester spoke, and Caleb looked around at them all in awe.  These wonderful, infuriating people... he loved them so much.  He sighed as joy, love, fear and gratitude filled him.   

“Well...” he smiled around at them “I suppose we will just have to do this together then, The Mighty Nein”  

“The Mighty Nein!”