Archive of Our Own ^beta

It wasn’t something that he realized at first. In fact, he thought he was seeing things. The fact that he was managing to notice anything at all is something that Rodney is trying not to think about it (this is because that would mean that he would have to admit that he was staring at Sheppard and that was something that he wasn’t ready to do just yet). But once he saw the pattern, he was actually rather shocked. John Sheppard was actually very insecure about his intelligence.

For some reason, that actually really unsettled Rodney and he was determined to prove that there was nothing but beautiful things about John.

The best part was that Rodney didn’t even have to try, he just needed to be a little more vocal about this stuff than he has been.

####

“What are you doing you incompetent buffoon!?” Rodney hollered. “Are you trying to get us all killed!?” John looked over to see Rodney bellowing at a now cowering scientist. He continued to bellow at her for a second more before stopping completely and waving his hands at her in a stopping gesture. “I can’t even look at you right now! Get out of my sight!”

The scientist boulted out of the room almost in tears. Rodney fumes there for a moment longer before stomping over to John.

“Sheppard.” He said shortly. “I need you to look over these equations. I can’t even think about what she did to them right now.” he handed over a tablet to John who took it out of reflex.

“McKay.” John said, sounding embarrassed. Rodney had ended up chasing the distraught scientist away from the lab and into the control room where John was on rotation. A few months ago, Rodney had accidently found out that John was actually a mathematical genius. He had been bugging Rodney in one of the labs where there was a white board filled with complex equations on it. It was wrong, though. So wrong that it was almost painful for John to look at it. He managed to ignore it while he was bugging Rodney, but he crept down in the middle of the night to fix it. He thought it was late enough that no one would be in there, but he was wrong as Rodney had caught him.

At first, he freaked out, but then he noticed that John had actually managed to fix what he had missed in the math that he excitedly started questioning John about it. After he got over his shock, of course. Since then, John had secretly been checking and correcting any math that Rodney had shoved at him. He even had John check his own math, just to make sure that everything was alright. But that had been at night, while John wasn’t on duty and no one but Rodney knew that he was doing this. This was a side of John that he had never advertised nor had this really been something that he wanted anyone to know.

“I don’t have time for this, Sheppard. These equations were supposed to be done a week ago and now they are so tangled I can’t actually read them. You are the only person I trust to get them right.” Rodney said impatiently waving his hands at him, clearly still angry.

Everyone stared.

“Rodney, I’ll look at them later. I’m working right now.” John said, trying to be quiet but the entire bridge had gone so quiet you would be able to hear a pin drop.

“Did you not just hear me!?” Rodney exclaimed.

“And I will, but later.” John insisted, shoving the tablet back at Rodney.

“What? You’re going to trust him over the entire science division?” Kavona said incredulously.

“He happens to have the greatest mathematical mind that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.” Rodney said back snappily. Everyone’s jaw dropped while John blushed furiously. John aggressively took back the tablet.

“Someone call me if they need me.” John muttered stocking out of the bridge. Everyone stared at Rodney.

“What?” he asked, confused before brushing it off and getting back to work. Privately, Rodney smiled. He had wanted to shout about how awesome John’s mind is with numbers since he found out about it. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t such a great idea to do that as John looked sort of embarrassed, but Rodney was just a little too happy to care right now.

####

Rodney kept doing things like that and eventually John caught on to what he was doing. Though, Rodney is not the only one who has been noticing things about the other person (Though John is under no circumstances going to actually admit that). McKay is insecure about his looks. This is something that John just did not understand as John thought that Rodney was hot as hell.

It took some fenagling, but John managed to give him compliments about his looks on a fairly regular basis.

####

Rodney was fussing with his clothes as they were now all dressed in some clothes given to them from the locals as they were attending a dinner with them. John couldn’t take the fussing anymore.

“Rodney, you look amazing. Stop fussing.” Rodney scoffed at him and John frowned. He got up from where he was sitting and went to stand in front of Rodney. “Rodney, you look very handsome. As you always do because you are a strong, beautiful, and admirable man.” He told him very seriously, holding eye contact while he said it. Rodney looked like he was going to scoff again but the longer that John held his gaze, the quieter he got. They held eye contact until Rodney broke it, blushing bright red.

“We should go to dinner.” Rodney mumbled before ducking out of the tent. John smiled a little and turned to the rest of the tent to see Tayla and Ronon staring at him.

“What?” he asked before ducking out of the tent as well.

####
It starts out weird for everyone else, but after a few months, Atlantis just accepts it as a quark that the two of them do. They both start complementing and highlighting each other so much that it becomes part of their daily speech patterns. After a few weeks, it turns into a flirting dance that seeped into all of their topics and turns into the rhythm of their speech. They got so comfortable with it, they forgot that they were doing it anymore.

So it was understandable that there were some assumptions made while they were off-world.

####
The Atlantis team had just saved the village from a wrath attack along with setting up a way to protect them from future attacks. The entire village threw them a celebration party, which included a vast dinner. Rodney and Sheppard hadn’t stopped flirting the entire time, which led to the entire village giving them knowing looks. As was their custom on off worlds, John was trying the dishes before letting Rodney eat any of them in case there was any citrus in them, both of them bickering as normal when one of the locals who sat across from them along the table asked.

“How long have you two been joined?” Both of them stop, looking at her confused while Ronan and Tayla choke next to them, trying to refrain from laughing.

“Joined?” John asked, not familiar with that term in their society.

“You are sworn to each other, are you not?” The innocent local, who was actually the village leader’s wife, asked them slowly, starting to get confused herself. “Like Miroc and I are.”

“Married?” Rodney asked, strangled, as John quickly followed up with. “No, no, definitely not.”

“Then you are free to be joined to another?” Miroc, the leader, asked, looking back and forth between them.

“No.” Both of them say at the same time. They realized that Miroc was asking to see if they could be married to one of the villages. It wasn’t the first time that they were asked to marry someone as a form of alliance or recompense. Their response confused the locals even more, a frown starting to form on their faces and all of them shifting uneasily.

“What they mean is they have not formally been joined as of yet.” Tayla interjects smoothly, saying the exact thing to sooth the frowns off of the locals' faces, much to John and Rodney’s discomfort and Ronan’s glee.

“Then you must let us join you!” The chief said brightly. “It is the least we can do for you as we owe you much.” He insisted.

“You don't owe us anything.” John insisted back, but at the chief’s look and Tayla’s elbo in the side, he added. “But we would be honored if you would.”

“We would?” Rodney squeaked.

“Yes, Rodney. We don’t want to offend our new allies by not letting them throw us a wedding, would we?” John said pleasantly with a warning in his voice and expression as he glared as Rodney. He thanked his lucky stars Rodney was quick on the uptake as he quickly nodded along in nervous agreement.

Due to the wedding and the celebration that followed, the team was two hours late in getting back to Atlantic.

“You’re late.” Weir said after she saw they were all relatively unharmed and releasing the breath she had been holding because of her worry.

“Sorry about that, we were delayed.” Sheppard told her, clearly irritated at whatever had delayed them.

“Yes, well, now that we are back, I believe I have things I need to check in the labs, if you will excuse me.” Rodney immediately said after taking off his gear. He handed it to Sheppard and bolted out of the gate room. John just sighed after him, not calling after him or complaining about taking his gear.

“What was that?” Weir asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I believe Dr. McKay is still uncomfortable after the extended celebration the Malyans threw in his and Major Sheppard’s honor.” Tayla explained, making Ronan start chuckling and John hit him for it (Ronan hadn’t really stopped laughing the entire time, only managing to keep them mostly to himself while the wedding was commencing).

“Did you really expect him to be anything but uncomfortable?” Sheppard asked sharply, exasperated.

“What was the celebration for?” Weir quickly asked, interrupting what was about to turn into an argument.

“They got married!” Ronan replied, laughing harder now.

“Due to a misunderstanding, the Malayans assumed Dr. McKay and Major Sheppard were married and when they found out they weren’t, it was either they each married someone from the tribe or married each other. To avoid conflict, they allowed the Malayans to throw them a wedding.” Tayla explained after seeing the look Weir had on her face indicated there needed to be more context then that. She tried to repress an amused smile and nodded her head.

“That was diplomatic of the both of you.” She told John, trying really hard not to be amused.

“I’m glad you find this so amusing. You will have my report on what happened tomorrow and we can debrief tomorrow afternoon.” He said to Weir with a scowl, deciding to depart the gate room right after that.

Weir managed to keep her composure until she was in her office before she broke out in peels of laughter.
#########

John and Rodney are uncomfortable with it for weeks afterward, but they eventually get over it and find it humorous with everyone else.

They don’t talk about it. Ever. At all.

They get uncomfortable when a month later, it happens again while they are off world on a different planet. They get weird with each other for a week afterwards, but eventually get better.

Three months after that, it happens again.

After the fifth time it happens, they ultimately just accept it and start to joke about it, calling each other husband and sweetie and honey when they are being obnoxious around other people. It becomes the running joke in Atlantis, everyone betting on how often they will get married on other worlds. John and Rodney become desensitized to the entire thing by then and just relaxed into it. Neither really realized that they had stopped trying to date other people as it now felt weird to do so.

Not long after their eighth off world marriage, Atlantis is attacked and some of the living quarters were damaged in the process. Thankfully, most of them were unused, but three of them were occupied. John’s quarters was one of the three. They learn that fact while everyone is exhausted from the fight and fixing the essentials. Rodney just dragged a partially desponded John to his room and they both crashed on Rodney’s surprisingly big bed that he had smuggled into it when he found bigger beds in an abandoned part of Atlantis.

The next morning, Rodney helped John move all of his stuff that wasn't destroyed but the attack into his quarters, essentially moving John into his room. There was plenty of space. Despite being on Atlantis for a several years now, Rodney spent so much time in the labs, that he really didn’t have much more in his room than the essentials. John, discussed by how blank the quarters were, put up his decorations to fill in the gaps and made a note to get Rodney more posters of Star Trek for him to put up. Rodney had been up in arms about his Johnny Cash posters and his decorations, complaining about them the entire time while he made room for John’s clothes in the closet and helped him unpack in general.

The entire thing was supposed to be temporary, but a month later when all of the damaged quarters were fixed, neither man made any indication that they were going to stop their arrangement. John had been scared that Rodney would kick him out the second the quarters were fixed, but he never did. He just absorbed the information with a nod and continued with his work, ranting about whatever the topic was that hour.

The truth was, the truth that neither were ready to acknowledge, both men had gotten accustomed to sleeping next to a body and being in each other’s sphere. It felt strange to think about being in anyone else’s sphere. John, the ladies man that he was, actually got uncomfortable when Cadman (who had been on Atlantis for only a few months at that point) had innocently flirted with him during off duty hours. At first, he tried to shake it off and innocently flirted with her for a while, not thinking she actually wanted it to go anywhere. He got really uncomfortable really fast when she started getting more aggressive with her sexual overtures. He practically fled from the conversation not long after that and unashamedly hid in his and Rodney’s quarters the rest of the night.

The conversation he had with Cadman a few days later in his office was almost more uncomfortable than her flirting as she apologized profusely for coming onto him. She told him that she hadn’t realized that he was in a relationship already and didn’t realize that he thought their flirting was just good fun. John, desperate for this conversation to stop, didn’t correct her on his dating status and told her all was forgiven.

Rodney, unfortunately, while feeling uncomfortable with attempting to date other people, just put down the squirming, uncomfortable, emotions he was feeling about the entire thing down as just being nervous and didn’t stop when Brown asked him out on a date. He stuttered and practically spluttered, but ultimately accepted as he panicked in the situation and just blurted out yes to stop the entire interaction. He felt inexplicably terrible for the rest of the day, much to his irritation. Not knowing what to do about how he was feeling of knowing why he was feeling like that, he told the one person who usually knew how to explain his emotions to him, John, later that night as they were about to climb into bed.

“What!?” John yelled at him, staring at him incredulously, his face cycling through so many emotions Rodney could read it.

“Well, I mean, it’s never happened before, so I said yes.” Rodney told him, bewildered by John’s reactions.

“Wait, your reaction is to automatically say yes to a date because someone asked you at all?” John asked, still incredulous. Rodney shifted uncomfortably, crossing his arms.

“It doesn’t happen often, Sheppard. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not like you. If my looks don’t deter them then it’s my attitude and if that doesn’t do it then it’s my brain. It’s not like I have people lining out the door wanting to date me. So yes, I said I would go.” He replied in a huff. John stared at him for several minutes.

“Do you even like Brown?” He asked him quieter than before.

“She’s not completely intolerable.” Rodney admitted with a shrug. John just nodded.

“Alright. I think I should sleep somewhere else tonight.” He told Rodney, grabbing a shirt and his boots and starting for the door.

“Wait! What?” Rodney yelled after him, trying to stop him. “Why!?” He asked, a slight desperate edge to his voice that made John turn and answer him.

“Rodney, I’m not sleeping in your bed when you want to sleep with another person. That’s not alright on too many levels.” John tells him almost gently.

“But-”

“Good night, McKay.” John told him, walking out of the door, leaving a very distressed Rodney behind.

He didn’t know where he was going for a while, just walking the corridors of a sleepy Atlantis until he made up his mind and broke into the distillery Zelanka had set up. He took two of the bottles of the liquor then went to his favorite overlook, sitting down while looking out at the moonlit ocean and drinking his moonshine.

About three-quarters into the first bottle, Ronan finds him there. John, pleasantly drunk at this point, just sighed in resignation as he knew this wasn’t a coincidence.

“I’m getting that predictable?” He asked, slurring a little while he morosely went back to looking at the water.

“Naw, I’ve been looking for you. Rodney woke Tayla and I in a confused and panicky fit saying that you were missing. When we calmed down enough to explain what had happened, I came to check on you.” He explained to John.

“Rodney alright?” he asked, wincing at realizing he had panicked the poor man.

“He’s fine. Tayla’s with him.” Ronan assured him with a sigh. “Are you alright?” he asked bluntly, but far gentler than he had in the past. John didn’t respond, just took another swig of alcohol. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Ronan replied with a grumble.

“We weren’t even in a relationship. I don’t have the right to feel like this.” John told him, frustrated with himself and having the strong urge to punch something.

“Whether you two have realized it or not, you two have been in a relationship for almost two years. You two have gotten married nine times and don’t give me any bullshit about it being on other worlds and not counting. The kiss you two exchange after each one is very real.” Ronan tells him sternly. “You live with each other, hell you sleep next to each other in the same bed and have been doing so for months. You are in a relationship, Sheppard. Everyone knows that. The only ones that don’t believe that are you two.” He tells him exasperatedly.

They were silent for a while.

“I think I knew.” John confessed. Ronan made an inquiring noise, and John nodded drunkenly. “When Cadman first came to Atlantis, she tried to sleep with me. I thought she was just flirting for fun, but when it got a little more aggressively sexual, I practically fled from the entire situation and hid in McKay and I’s room.”

“Does McKay know about this?” Ronan asked, curiously.

“No.” John replied, shaking his head which also shook his entire upper body in the process. “Just because my brain thinks I’m in a relationship doesn’t mean it’s true.” He replied sadly, finishing the bottle. He went for the next one, but Ronan stopped him.

“Come on, man, you still have a shift in the morning. One bottle is enough for tonight.” He told him gently, moving the full bottle from John’s reach. He got up and helped John to his feet, putting one arm around his waist to support John enough to get him to a bed, or in this case a couch.

“No, I can’t go back. Not tonight.” John slurred, stumbling even in Ronan’s grip.

“No worries, man. You’re crashing on my couch tonight.” Ronan replied with a sigh. Getting them back to Ronan’s room had been a trick, but they made it with Ronan mostly dragging John with him. He unceremoniously dropped him on his couch, throwing a blanket over the heavily inebriated man. John barely even made it to the couch before he was out. Ronan sighed at his helplessly pathetic friend before he went back to Tayla’s. He wasn’t really surprised when he saw Rodney was still there, wrapped in a blanket on her couch staring listlessly at his tea she had given him. They both looked up at him when he came into the room.

“Did you find him?” Rodney asked right away, scooting forward in his seat like he was about to stand.

“Relax McKay, he’s passed out on my couch now.” Ronan replied a little clipped and gruffly.

“So he’s okay?” Rodney persisted, sounding a little desperate as he asked.

“Hell no he’s not okay.” Ronan replied instantly. “You basically just broke up with him and broke his heat in the process. I found him a bottle deep in Zelanka’s moonshine on one of the verandas. He was about to start his second bottle when I convinced him to sleep off the first on instead.” Rodney physically recoiled at that, very upset now.

“I didn’t mean to!” He wailed, tears filling his eyes a moment later. “I didn’t even realize we were in a relationship! And now I can’t fix it!” He blubbered, his breath starting to come fast as he cried harder. Tayla moved closer to him and gently gathered him into her arms to sooth him. He barely reacted to the comfort, almost catatonic in his grief. It disturbed Ronan and Tayla to see him like this. They shared a look over Rodney’s head before Ronan stepped closer and kneeled next to Rodney who was still sitting on the couch.

“Hey, you can still fix this.” Ronan insisted. “You made a mistake. Cancel the date and apologize to Sheppard. If he doesn’t forgive you, at least it will give you two somewhere to start in figuring out all of this.” If Rodney hadn’t been so distraught with his situation, he probably would have been very creeped out and on edge with how nice Ronan was being right now. He just nodded in agreement.

“You need to sleep first.” Tayla interrupted gently.

“I don’t think I can sleep.” Rodney told them robotically. Tayla rubbed his arm soothingly.

“Why don’t you lay down, for a while.” she told him, convincing him to lay down on her couch. He did so woodenly, closing his eyes just so he didn’t have to look at the world right now.

Despite Tayla and Ronan’s efforts, Rodney didn’t sleep. At some point in the early morning while Tayla was asleep, Rodney left and went to his work station. He tried to work, but he mostly just spent several hours staring at the work on his whiteboard which John had minorly corrected two days previously. He stared for so long, the day started before Rodney even knew it. Several people came to talk to him, but his blank stare at the whiteboard made almost all of them scamper out without asking him any questions.

“Rodney? Are you alright?” Brown asked slowly when she came into his lab, setting down her tablet on his desk as she came closer to him. He turned to her and blinked blankly for a few moments, disturbing her.

“I can’t go on that date with you.” Rodney told her straight up. Brown gave him a double take.

“What?” She asked, confused. “Why? You wanted to yesterday, what changed?” When he just sputtered a little but didn’t elaborate, she crossed her arms and got defensive. “Does this have anything to do with Colonel Sheppard? There’s not actually something going on between you two, right?” She asked with exasperated disbelief.

“I’m sorry.” Was all he said before he got up and left her looking flustered and a little angry. He ended up wandering down the hall aimlessly and only realizing where he was when he realized he was standing in front of Ronan’s doors. He stood there for a while, unsure what to do for an unreasonably long time.

“Are you going to knock at any point?” Ronan asked him from behind Rodney. Rodney jumped with a little screech, quickly turning around in the process.

“You scared the hell out of me!” Rodney complained when his heart calmed down a little.

“Sorry.” Ronan replied with a shrug, not sounding very apologetic. “If you’re looking for Sheppard, you would have a better chance of finding him on one of the verandas.” he informs him. Rodney starts a little at that information.

“Thanks.” He tells Ronan rather distractedly, already making his way to Sheppard’s favorite spot. When he finally found Sheppard on his third favorite spot on Atlantis, he hesitated at the entry.

“Are you going to hesitate outside forever or are you going to come over here?” John eventually says after Rodney had been awkwardly standing there for some time. Rodney hesitantly approached, sitting next to John.

“I canceled the date with Brown.” Rodney blurted. “I didn’t realize we were in a relationship. And I want that. I want what we have. I didn’t mean to mess with things. John, I am so sorry!” He sobbed a little, the sleep deprivation and stress making him more emotional than he normally would.

“Yeah, I didn’t realize we were in a relationship either.” Sheppard confessed, taking a sip from his beer as he looked out of the water. “I can’t go back to the way things were, Rodney.”

“So we are over?” Rodney shakily asked, his entire body vibrating with dread and fear.

“Rodney, I’m fairly sure I’m in love with you. I can’t go back to ignoring that.” Sheppard told him, glancing over at him as he did before going back to looking over at the water.

“Then don’t.” Rodney tells him immediately. Sheppard looks sharply over at him.

“Rodney.” He said incredulously.

“No, I’m serious John. If we have been in a relationship then I don’t want it to end. And I’ll do anything to fix this, John. I don’t want to lose you over my stupidity.” He desperately pleaded. He was shut up by John kissing him. It wasn’t a long kiss, but it was enough to deeply surprise and turn on Rodney. “I love you too.” Rodney whispers to him afterwards before his brain completely rebooted. John smiled widely.

“I know.” He replied before he went back to kissing Rodney.