Archive of Our Own ^beta

Ronald paced around the main room of the McDonald's Sex Club and Restaurant, fiddling nervously with his huge dom clown daddy hands. He had promised Goro a new item on the McMenu, a *special* item if you may (and it's true you may), though not a McFlurry, like every other goddamn time. He watched over Goro’s thin Pheromosa-like figure, completely asleep, oblivious to the world around him. It was his one hour break, from his 23-hour shift. Which is weird because they have like no customers except for the occasional dust bunny or confused teen. But that’s capitalism baby, pain and suffering I MEAN love and domination (in a sexy way not in a morally objectionable way).

Ronald took a running start, and sprinted straight to the register where he vaulted over the front of the counter and landed on the other side. His muscles involuntarily flexed beautifully under his McDaddy suit, though Goro was too asleep to notice.

Or WAS he? OwO

Ronald got to work, gathering the materials to make a pancake i mean you read the title why would I try and make the recipe a secret it’s gonna be a fucking pancake. Well he mixes it all up, though the whisks in the McSex Club and Restaurant doesn’t compare to the magic of Ronald’s twirling double-bladed rotato-dick. He schtuck his schmeat into the pancake mix and made a lot of suspect motions until the mix was ready.

Little did he know, Goro was watching all this unfold from his comfy spot on the bed. He was a little rascal like that, feigning sleep just to get a glimpse of his Clown Daddy (or Claddy, if you will). I’m not gonna tell you that he was getting off on it but I just did and yes he was. Boy did he want to be that pancake mix.

Ronald McDonald  poured the pancake mix on the hot hot stove (though it wasn't as hot as him, Ronald McDonald), and flipped it until it was perfectly fluffy. It was somehow almost as mouth watering as Ronald’s juicy ass, the highest quality thing on the verboten Secret Menu. 

He set the first of three pancakes which were the only three pancakes that were gonna be made (perfection cannot be beaten nor replicated) on a paper plate, which had a design on it…. GASP! THE DESIGN IS THE FUCKING HAPPY MEAL SMILEY FACE NEW ICON I CANT REMEMBER HIS NAME BUT HE SUCKS BCS HES A BOX AND NOT AN AWESOME CLOWN DADDY WHATEVER SHALL WE DO!

He throws the pancakes away, immediately tearing the paper plate into a trillion pieces and letting it sink into one of the various otherworldly oil puddles along the restaurant and club floor. When he looked up to see where the pancakes had landed, he was met with an incredible sight.

Goro, fully awake, who had supposedly been sleeping naked (thou shalt not wear the McDonalds Sex Club and Restaurant uniform outside of work hours), sitting up, looking flushed and shocked as the pancakes had landed one on each tit and one pierced by his dick, like one of those funfair games where you throw the hoop on the wooden peg, except the peg is a dick. Goro’s dick, to be precise.

As he met Ronald’s eyes, he moaned at a truly fucking absurd volume, and the pancakes on his tiddies started slipping as he started lactating. Silly him, it’s not Special McFlurry time today…

Ronald vaults over the counter to walk to his buddy boy amigo pal babygorl.

“Baby gorl!”

“D-daddy…”

“Well… we can’t waste these pancakes now, can we?”

He leaned over him, and took the pancake on his left tit to put it in his mouth so he could taste his creation. He stuck his dick next to Akechi’s in the pancake, widening the hole in the middle. Then he moved, yknow, as you do when you’re pancake fucking with your partner.

“Hrghrghrghgrh...this pancake is so sexy schmexy baby gorl… but nothing is as sexy schemxy as you and your delectable bussy★” he said, perfectly enunciating the unicode star.

“That’s right, my capitalist exploiter ahaha~”

The clown slapped him very hard (on the ass).

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.”

He nodded and then moved his eyes up and down in a nodding motion when he got back to eating the pancake. 

Ronald moved out of the pancake and took the other pancake on goros right tit into his hand. He removed the pancake on goro’s dick from its destruction, moving it to goros nipple. Free access with the premade hole!

Then, he did something completely unexpected (this is a lie, you expected this).

He wrapped Goro’s dick in the pancake like a goddamn burrito. 

Goro gasped, and looked up at ronald.

“R-ronald… am I your wittle burrito? Your sexy wittle pancake detective?”

“Yes baby gorl you are all of those things.”

Goro sighed happily and Ronald moved his incredibly uncomfortably long clown tongue around Goro’s member to eat the pancake off of it.

Insert sex noises.

Insert sex ending noises, like rolling credits except it’s rolling eyes, like ahegao u catch my vibe? Insert King of the Hill theme, which runs until the end of the fic.

Ronald lies down next to Goro on his back. For the first time in his life maybe, he feels nervous.

“So, baby girl…. did you lik-”

“What’s that, daddy?”

“Oh, uh, nothing.”

Ronald blushes, not unlike a human being capable of emotion with warm blood running in its veins, except instead of a human it's a clown.

“Actually, baby girl, I wanted to know…was it good?”

“Ronald McDonald my love, your McDick is always transcendent.”

“No, I meant… the pancak-”

Sumire Yoshizawa destroys the fucking door as she storms in with a fucking flamethrower.

“RONALD MCDONALD, YOU SCHEMING WHORE!!!”

She clicks off the trigger safety of the flamethrower in warning.

“AND GORO AKECHI?? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCEKRZ!!?!”

2 be continues,,,

Oh fuck B)