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It’s been weeks since they’d seen each other. Everything had happened so fast, he wasn’t sure how to approach things, or how to even start to wrap his head around everything.
Ever since the band had decided to call it quits, decided to end things, there’s been a rift between the four of them. They were supposed to be friends, supposed to be best friends, but their tastes have changed and they just wanted different things.
So here Luke is, sitting on his couch, halfway into a bottle of patron when he hears the ghost of a knock at his door. He wasn’t expecting anyone, wasn’t hoping to have anyone by. He stumbles to his feet a little bit, his head pounding. He should have stopped a while ago, but he doesn’t know how to stop. Doesn’t have anyone to tell him when, anymore.
So it’s twice as jarring when he opens the door to see Calum in the door, shifting between his feet nervously. The light from the moon is bright, and makes him wince a little in comparison to the soft lighting of his house. His mouth is open, but no words coming out. He isn’t sure what to say right now, and the alcohol is muddling with any common sense that he has.
“Uh, hey,” Calum starts, after a beat. He’s giving Luke a strange look, and that’s when he realises he’s been standing here with his mouth open. He presses his lips back together, swallowing hard as he grips the door. Calum follows the movement before his eyes drift back up to Luke’s. “Can I, uh, come in?”
Luke is grasping for words for a minute before he nods, and he’s suddenly feeling much more sober than he was a few moments ago. The clarity and shock of seeing his bandmate -- no, ex bandmate -- in his doorway was sobering in many ways. He swings the door open more, and Calum steps lightly into the house. Petunia looks up from the couch at the entrance of him, but immediately goes back to her nap. Luke wishes his life could be so simple.
“What, uh, what brings you here,” he manages, his fingers ruffling his messy blond curls. They’re limp from a few days without showering -- he may have been on a little bit of a bender. He wishes he at least looked presentable for Calum.
“We’re worried about you,” he says, after a beat. He looks him over with a gaze that says, ‘with good reason.’ Luke sighs a little bit. This wasn’t his decision, after all. Michael was more content with gaming, Ashton had started doing his own thing, and Calum… Calum hated being in the spotlight. It was only a matter of time before it would have happened regardless. Luke just hates how it happened.
“What’s there to worry about,” he says with a shake of his head. “This was our decision. You aren’t obliged to check up on me.” Calum lets out a soft sigh. “Especially after weeks of not talking to me.”
“I just…” he sighs, as he pulls his phone out of his pocket. He scrolls for a moment, before showing him a picture. It’s of the two of them, from when, he can’t remember. He was drunk then too. He was always drunk, it seemed. But they’re pressed together, grinning, and Luke suddenly feels a pit in his stomach. “I saw this, and… it reminded me of you. I thought I would call, but you didn’t answer, so… Here I am.”
“You shouldn’t be here,” he says, shaking his head again. His head is pounding a little, spinning from the remnants of the alcohol in his system. “I’m fine, Cal. I’m going to be fine.” Calum takes a step closer to him, placing a hand on his hip to steady him. He hadn’t noticed he’d been swaying.
“Why don’t you sit down, and I’ll get you some water,” he offers, leading him to the couch. Luke suddenly feels very small as he lets him lead him to the couch, sitting down. Calum takes one look at the bottle on the table and shakes his head, grabbing it. “And I’m putting this somewhere else.” Luke feels even smaller now that Calum is treating him like a petulant child, but he doesn’t say anything, just nods. He doesn’t feel anything at the moment other than small. And empty.
Calum crosses over to the kitchen, putting the bottle on the counter and getting Luke a cup full of water to drink. He carries it back over to him, setting it on the coffee table before settling on the couch, a comfortable distance from him. Luke nods to him in thanks, taking a sip of his water. He doesn’t have any words right now.
“I’m sorry,” Calum starts slowly. “I didn’t… I didn’t want this to happen like this. I thought we’d be doing it forever, you know? But we’ve just had so much time to think, and -”
“You don’t have to explain,” Luke says, and his tone is tired, with a hint of bitterness on the edges. “I get it.” He doesn’t really get it, he’s lying for the sake of Calum. Something he’s done for a long time.
“But we can still be friends,” he says softly. “You know that, right? I still love you, I still want to be your friend, Luke. Not playing music together shouldn’t change that for us.” Luke opens his mouth to speak again, but something stops him. Then he realises his cheeks are wet, and he’s fucking crying, and he hates himself for letting himself get this way. “Hey, hey, don’t cry…”
“I just didn’t want it to stop,” he says, his whole body shaking as the tears keep coming. He hates this feeling, but it’s relieving to get it off of his chest. “I never wanted it to stop, because i knew if it stopped, I’d have to think and I’d have to feel, and…”
“Hey, you don’t have to explain yourself, I get it,” he says. The words Luke just said are thrown back in his face, and he almost feels worse, but Calum is being so gentle with him right now. No one has ever been gentle before when he’s felt weak like this. “Just because we’re taking a break doesn’t mean it’s for forever. Okay?” He nods curtly, taking another sip of his water. His fingers crush the plastic cup a little in his hand, and he sets it down to avoid a mess.
“I know,” he says softly. “But I don’t want to lose you.” His voice is timid as he looks over to him, face wet and eyes red and he knows how pathetic he looks. But this is how he feels, he’s going to bare it all for Calu. He deserves to know, at least. “I love you too much.”
“I know, Lu, I love you too --”
“No, Cal, I love you,” he repeats, emphasizing. He hears the soft oh escape those pink lips of his, his teeth pulling his bottom lip into his mouth. Luke’s whole expression falls a little more at his face, and he pulls his legs up to his chest. “Sorry, I shouldn’t… you should go.”
“Luke,” Calum says, his hand coming up to his chin. He turns him to face him, thumb brushing tears from his cheeks. “I know. I love you too.” Luke’s expression is covered with confusion before Calum leans in and kisses him softly. “You should get some rest. Finish your water and go to bed. I’ll wait for the morning when we can talk with more clarity, okay?”
“No, I want to talk now,” Luke says, furrowing his brow. “Calum, please --”
“I’ll be right here, Luke. I won’t ever leave you, okay?” His thumb is still stroking over his cheekbone reassuringly, and this time, Luke believes him.
He’s glad Calum was reminded of him. He couldn’t have lost him, too.