Archive of Our Own ^beta

takes one to know one...

Another day passes for agent Javier Peña. Another day full of sun and heat. Suffocated and numb, the days pass in a haze. Lately, there is nothing new, nothing that manages to wake him up. Days full of paperwork, of dealing with bosses and politicians.

Today was a day like any other, except that he would be meeting his new partner, one Steve Murphy. Javier was already imagining the typical gringo, full of ideas and dreams, with high expectations, believing that he could do a great job in Colombia and change something.

Now you see, what Javier did not imagine was finding this: blue eyes, blond hair, and one of the tallest men he has ever seen. With a mustache like him, fair skin, and a matching beige suit like the one Javier was wearing, this creature stood out from all the blur that the streets of Bogotá had become.

And just like that, Javier was hooked. He was in love. Maybe from the first time since his fiasco with Lorraine. One look, one handshake, it was all it took.

Then Escobar came along. Hours and hours of dealing with informants, sitting at their desks. Sharing cigarettes, coffees, and too many glasses of whiskey. Now and then, even dinner. In Steve and Connie's apartment. Javier watched them interact and could see how well they fit together, thinking that they were meant to be. This led to him feeling guilty about his feelings and every time that happened, he ran away to his apartment.

It was not easy. They spent many moments together. Frustrated at not being able to catch Escobar, deading with the diplomacies of the Embassy, the Colombian police, and the DEA bureaucrats.

There were moments that Javier began to treasure. Coffees in the morning, whiskeys in the evening. He almost felt like they could be two normal people, amid all the violence and death that surrounded them.
But these moments were dangerous. He got very close to Steve, confiding in him things that he had never discussed with anyone, like what had happened with Lorraine. It was hard not to imagine a life together every time he looked at him. He had to come back to reality by reminding himself that Steve already had someone waiting at home.

It didn't matter what he drank, what he smoked. Neither the women he slept with. Because every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was that golden hair, those ocean eyes. Eyes that haunted him on his way to the Embassy in the morning. Or running across the rooftops of the streets of Bogotá, with his gun in his hand. They chased him around every corner and followed him home.

Javier saw that stupid little smile with which Steve sometimes looked at him, pretending to know more than he did.

He and Steve were reaching their point of maximum tension. The days grew longer and longer and the nights were endless. Escobar was getting more violent and each time they got closer to catch him, he managed to get further and further away from them.

Javier thought that things couldn't get worse. And then, Connie left.

He was trying his best to be there for his partner, trying not to cross invisible lines. Trying to show an "appropriate" amount of affection. Trying to show Steve that Javier was there for him and that he wanted to take care of him. Sometimes in the form of a cup of coffee, a glass of whiskey, or a hug at night in the form of farewell, after a long day at work.

But there was one night when Javier couldn't contain himself. Connie called to let Steve know that she was not going back to Colombia.
That night, with a bottle in between, he hugged Steve as he cried in his arms. Javier was so close to telling him that there was still someone who loved him, that he would always be there for Steve, even if they couldn't be together in the way he wanted.
But he knew that this was not the time, that he would only screw things up and make them uncomfortable. He held himself back and tried to say with his eyes everything that with his words could not.

From that night on, things changed. Javier always looked at Steve, noticing small details, taking note of the clothes he was wearing, of his cologne. From his hands every time he brought a cigarette to his lips and how he would wrap them around it.
And this is why he noticed that Steve's stares lasted longer. It was becoming impossible to keep escaping from those eyes.
He had become more tactile with Javier as well. He didn't know how long he could hold on.

Javier didn't want to analyze too much why Steve seemed angry every time he saw him flirting with a woman.

But despite this, he also began to notice an improvement in Steve's mood, sometimes he acted as if the days weren't so heavy on both of them. Always ready to share a drink after a long night, having dinner together, or just spending time together.

This is why Javier was not surprised when Steve told him to have something for dinner in his apartment.

This is how the two met one hot Friday night in Steve's apartment. Sitting at the table, both with beers in their hands and some music.

But then, the atmosphere between them changed. One moment they were sharing a drink and the next, Steve was asking him if he had ever kissed a man.

Javier was lost, speechless. Where was all this coming from?
"I'm just curious," Steve says.
Curious? Javier thinks. What? Why would he be curious about this?

Javier thought that the best thing he could do was be honest. He knew that he could trust Steve.
So he answers. "Yes. Yes, I have."

He imagined any other response to his "confession". Anything. Anything except Steve asking:
"Would you like to kiss me?"
Javier can't believe this. What's going on? What's wrong with this dumbass?
And most importantly, why is he asking Javier if he wants to kiss him?

Javier couldn't resist. This is a moment that he had imagined thousands of times. Although his mind had gone further than just kissing Steve. Javier could say no. But he didn't want to.
So the only thing he could say when Steve asked if he could kiss him was, "Yes, you can kiss me."

And that's how he found himself, standing in front of Steve, holding him. Kissing him.
This was so much better than he had ever imagined. How could he live so long without this?
Their tongues touching, both savoring each other. They can't get enough, now they're a little bit rough. There are teeth, bitten lips.

Eventually, they have to stop to breathe. Now their foreheads are touching, and they're sharing their breath.
They smile. And Javier hates to ruin the moment, but he has to ask.
"Are you ... are you just curious?"
Steve laughs. Throwing his head back. With that contagious laugh, which makes Javier forget for a second where they are. That they are not surrounded by death, that their hands are not stained with blood. As if they were two small children and at this moment between them, they could regain their innocence.

"Did that look like just curiosity to you?" Steve says.

Javier tries to justify his question. He has to make sure. Because Steve is still married, because they are partners.

Because there are a million reasons why this is a bad idea.

But Steve keeps hugging him. Telling him how much he likes him. Doesn't let him go.

So Javier thinks: there are a million other reasons why this is a good idea.

you're a cowboy like me...
and I'm never gonna love again...