Chapter Text
"No, don't!" Harry screamed out, his lungs contracting and his body drenched in sweat and shaking violently. "DON'T!" He cried out again and even louder, desperation making his voice crack.
"It's your fault Harry, you failed me," said Percy's body laying on the ground lifeless. The dead body faced Harry with the eyes open and staring at him.
"You could have saved me, but now I'm dead because of you."
"Percy, I - I'm sorry," he sobbed as another figure appeared behind him. Harry turned around and saw Cedric's body on the ground, his blood spilling out and making a pool on the dead grass.
"Cedric, no! I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I should have done something! I'm sorry," Harry repeatedly apologized. His cheeks were wet from the tears, his throat felt raw, and he was trembling with the force of emotions he was feeling. White mist surrounded him, making everything seem less visible. It made Harry shiver as two figures walked around him, make him even more scared.
"You," that voice was familiar, he knew who it was, "Ron?" No answer, "Ron is that you?" Harry felt desperate, the two figures were now more clear. They were his two best friends sporting angry expressions, and staring at Harry with hateful eyes.
"It's your fault!" Ron screamed "You killed my brother!" The sound echoed in Harry's ears and he didn't know what to say. "I should have guessed sooner that you were going to join the dark," Hermione spat.
"No, I didn't! Please, you have to believe me!" Harry pleaded to his two best friends. "Why should we believe you? You hurt us, you killed Percy and Cedric!" Ron growled with a hint of venom in his voice.
Harry shook his head, "I didn't kill them! And I would never hurt you or anyone, why would I ever kill my best friends" he cried, because the thought of losing his best friends was one of the most painful things he could think of.
"Friends? Us? Don't make me laugh, we're embarrassed to call you our friend," said Ron and Hermione in unison. The sentence echoed in Harry's mind and shattered his heart. Everything was falling apart, everyone had left him. What would his mother and father think about him if they saw him now? He sobbed, feeling as though he desperately needed air. "No no no no!" He whimpered and-
A loud bang sounded from his door and he opened his eyes. He hadn't realised that he was screaming out loud this whole time. His uncle was in the doorway looking angry and he knew that he was fucked. Vernon grab a handful of Harry's hair and threw him into the wall. "BOY! IF YOU WON'T SHUT UP, YOU WILL BE SLEEPING IN THE CUPBOARD !" Vernon screamed, kicking the smaller boy in his stomach. Harry curled his body into a ball, whimpering at the sudden pain.
Sometimes he wondered how the neighbours never heard his screaming, maybe it was just because of his lack of luck when it came to the Dursleys. Or maybe they just didn't care about the skinny boy who they thought went to a school for criminals.
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After what seemed like forever, Vernon decided to leave Harry alone on the cold floor, warning him to shut up so he could try to have a good night's sleep. Harry let out a soft sob, trying not to be loud so that he didn't disturb anyone else. It was good luck that Hedwig wasn't there, she would have been lot of noisier; desperate to go hunting.
Before the end of the Hogwarts year, Harry had decided to let Hedwig go free, and he was happy that his lovely owl was finally out of this miserable house and didn't have to suffer with him. But his happy thoughts quickly ended as he recalled his recent dream.
"Friends? Us? Don't make me laugh, we're embarrassed to call you our friend."
The sentence echoed over and over again in his head, fresh tears flowing down his cheeks.
'No. They wouldn't say that, would they?'
The more he thought about it, the more he doubted that thought. It was almost his fifth year of Hogwarts, and he hadn't received letters from anyone. He tried to convince himself that they were probably busy with their separate lives, but then he remembered that they were spending their summer together this year. He was kind of jealous but mostly happy for his best friends getting together, Harry was fine with being the third wheel. But just remembering what happened in the Tri-Wizard Tournament at the graveyard and how differently everyone treated him afterwards, he knew that there was a high chance that they had actually said that.
Thinking about relationships, he just found out recently that he preferred men, he hadn't told anyone yet, nor would he. Harry looked to see what time it was, ignoring the familiar pain in his torso. It was 3 am, he thought about going back to sleep but he was too scared that he would have the same nightmare again. Then Harry remembered that he kept some dreamless sleep potion in his wardrobe. It should have his first option.
He drank it and went back to sleep hoping that the potion worked.
And thank Merlin it that it did.
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"Boy! Get up, time to make breakfast!" Screeched Aunt Petunia. Harry started awake, quickly grabbed his glasses, and rushed out of his room to the kitchen. He made breakfast for his relatives, hoping that he was lucky enough to have the scraps of food left on their plates. Of course, he only managed to sneak a couple sips of water and a small bread crust.
After the Dursleys ate breakfast and Harry was forced to watch, Aunt Petunia handed him the usual extensive list of chores. The list included cleaning, gardening, cooking meals, scrubbing the windows and re-painting the fence. After which, of course, he would be locked in his room, leaving him starved and dehydrated. Harry wished he could stay with Sirius, but Dumbledore always denied his pleas and refused to believe that his relatives were awful to him. He probably believed that muggles were 'innocent' or some other such bullshit like that.
Dumbledore thought that they were only being strict with Harry, and Harry was frustrated with Dumbledore's asinine way of thinking. Sometimes he thought that Dumbledore was only using him, and didn't care about his health or well-being at all. In fact, only a few of Dumbledore's previous actions refuted such thoughts.
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Harry wished he could have a decent day, even just one normal day. Sometimes he wondered why Sirius never visited him. He missed him, but maybe Sirius had something better to do than checking on his worthless godson. Harry shook his head, trying to stop his train of thoughts, and continued doing his chores.
Gardening was Harry's favourite thing to do at the Dursleys. It let him get out of the house, away from anyone else, and cry alone. During this time, Harry let himself relax from the pain he received all day. He constantly pushed down his feelings to ease his days, but it only made his chest hurt and made it harder to breathe. He was always careful with everything he did so that his uncle wouldn't have any more reasons to hurt him.
Harry was locked in his room again as usual, nothing new. He usually opened his books and studied, he hadn't realised how fun studying could be before. Hermione just made studying feel like torture, and studying with Ron was no better, he always complained about everything and everyone. He'd even acted like Dudley last year, looking back Ron had never been a good friend. Harry thought about the Weasleys, they all blamed Harry for 'murdering' Percy. Ginny gave him death glares and the twins had sprung an awful prank on him that had almost made him blind. Ron had started throwing insults at him, and it shocked Harry that Ron had done such a thing to him. Even Hermione had somewhat mirrored Ron's behaviour, going as far as to ignore Harry completely when he was in the same room. They'd both been ignoring him, and Harry didn't know what to do about it besides just dealing with it.
An hour into reading his potions book, Harry was very invested. It was a much more effective way to study potions than listening to Professor Snape explaining something. Harry learned a lot just by reading. To be honest, he found potions more fascinating now than he had ever had before. He wanted to try and make some of the potions, and experiment a bit with them.
Harry often entertained himself by reading his school books, at least it was something more productive than staring at his ceiling. His reading was suddenly interrupted when his uncle dashed into his room with an angry face. Harry was horrified, trying to think about what Vernon thought he did this time. He hurriedly shoved his books under his bed before his uncle could see them. Vernon grabbed a handful of Harry's hair, dragged him from his mattress, threw him to the cold floor, and punched him in the face.
"Boy! Who do you think you are?" He growled, his face purple from anger. Harry found himself shaking in fear. "You used your freak power on my son! How dare you!" He kicked the smaller boy repeatedly and with increasing viciousness. Harry curled up and tried to protect his body with his arms, crying for forgiveness.
"Why did you do it you freak!" Vernon bellowed, spittle landing on Harry's face.
"I didn't do anything!" Harry cried. A hefty punch in his stomach made him cough blood out of his mouth. "LIAR!" Growled Vernon.
Harry continued to suffer and cry for the forgiveness of something he never did. His uncle soon got bored of Harry's whimpers and pulled out his belt. As Vernon hit him with his full power, Harry screamed with every blow of pure pain. From the corner of his eye, he saw Dudley watching him getting tormented and grinning, enjoying the show.
When he decided that Harry was screaming too loud, Vernon started choking him to quiet him. "Shut up you useless brat! You should grateful for the fact we keep you in this house, but you decide to sicken my family." There was a strong venom in Vernon's voice as he blubbered on. Harry was pulling at his uncle's hand because he was choking, but he was too weak to do anything about it. He was running out of oxygen and his eyes were full of tears, Vernon was screaming in his ear but Harry couldn't hear him. He was fast becoming light-headed and he felt that he was going to pass out from lack of oxygen.
Vernon decided he was done with the useless freak then, and ended it with one last kick on the weak body. He left, leaving the light off and locking the door. Harry could finally breathe, and greedily gulped the stale air into his lungs, not caring about anything else in the moment.
He was finally alone again in his silent, dark, and lonely room. Harry let out tears of frustration as his emotions rolled over him. He cried as he felt so useless, he couldn't do anything to save himself, to protect himself from his own relatives. How could he protect the whole wizarding world from that insane wizard when he couldn't even do this? How could he still save everyone, why did it have to be up to him to save everyone? Why couldn't the adults do it? Why couldn't Dumbledore kill Voldemort himself?
"No," he couldn't blame it on someone else, he was the one who's supposed to stand for the wizarding world, it's his duty, but.....is it?
No, yes, maybe? He doesn't know anymore.
Harry wondered how everyone would react when they saw that the boy-who-lived was a disappointment.
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Harry had been laying on the floor unable to move for hours now, it was probably already night time. He let his magic heal his body slowly, feeling some discomfort on his stomach.
The blood was still slowly spilling out, dripping down to the floor and staining his oversized shirt which was wet from his tears.
Harry wondered why he was alive when he was better off dead.
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It had been 3 days and he hadn't been let out of his room, the door still locked. The Dursleys probably forgot about him, at least that was better than being a daily punching bag. And of course, no food or water. He was already used to being starved and dehydrated which he knew was wrong. Regardless that he knew it was wrong, he still couldn't fix his situation.
Harry spent his time sitting in his room and studying, it's not like he had anything else to do. There were three days left until he had to go to Hogwarts. Harry was so close. Just three days, and he could be free again. Three days and he wouldn't have to see the Dursleys until next summer.
The next day the Dursleys finally acknowledged his existence again, and he went back to his daily life with his LOVING FAMILY like always- doing chores, getting starved, being ignored or being used as a punching bag.
"Boy!" Aunt Petunia called Harry from the kitchen, "Yes Aunt Petunia?" Harry answered, trying to keep a low profile to stay out of trouble. "Go weed the front yard now, I'm tired of doing it all day," she complained. Harry nodded, fully aware that she had done no such thing, and walked to the garden.
It was nice to be outside again, to see the blue sky and feel the fresh air in his lungs. It was nice and Harry was having a great day, but he felt tired as he started to weed. Everything was going fine until Dudley and his gang showed up.
"Look what we have here," Dudley walked up beside Harry (he was resolutely trying to ignore the bigger boy) who was staring at the plant in front of him."Bugger off Dudley," Harry had no energy to deal with this right now. "What's wrong, Potty? We merely want to have a bit of fun," the gang laughed and Harry wanted to escape, but it was pointless at the moment. "What do you want?" Harry asked with a tired voice. "You look a little too comfortable, don't you think so?" Malcolm walked around Harry who was continuing to weed and ignoring the gang.
"Ignoring us Potty? How rude," Dennis said with a playful tone. Harry didn't answer that and continued with his work. The gang tried to get a reaction from Harry, but they got none because Harry didn't want to give them the satisfaction. The gang, getting bored quickly, started to get physical. They surrounded Harry and Dudley gave him a sudden blow punch on the jaw. They continued to rain blows upon him until they suddenly stopped. Glancing up, Harry saw Dudley exchange smirks with the gang. They roughly pushed him down the street to an alleyway nearby. Then grabbing Harry's hands, Dennis forced him to kneel with his arms behind his back.
"I heard that you're a queer Potty," Harry kept silent, afraid of what would happen next. "Potty is a queer? How shocking," the gang laughed, Harry knew that they said it to get a reaction but he still didn't want to give them any satisfaction so he kept a stone face.
"So Potter loves cocks then," Gordon tilted his head slightly, smirking, and walked in front of Harry, grabbing a handful of his hair. "Let's satisfy him, shall we?" The gang agreed and Harry was automatically horrified. He watched Gordon pull down his zipper and show his disgusting cock in front of him. Harry shied away from Gordon's privates. "What the hell are you doing?!" he screamed, panicked. The gang finally got the reaction they wanted. "Why Potter? Not in the mood? Boys, let's make this bitch feel in the mood."
Harry was forced into giving them each a blowjob, he gagged the whole time and it was obvious that he had never done this before, or wanted to do it at all. He felt hands creeping under his shirt as they started to caress his body. Harry tried to do something, he tried to kick them but his legs were firmly stepped on to prevent him from struggling further. He shook his whole body violently in an effort to make all the hands stay away from him, and his head away from their disgusting dicks.
"Let go of me- hhmp!" He was forced silent as a cock was shoved in his mouth. "Suck it you bitch," Harry refused the verbal command, biting the dick and making Gordon scream in pain. "The fuck?!" He screamed. "I SAID LET GO OF ME," Harry screamed, just hoping someone might heard him. The gang had none of it, they dragged Harry to an abandoned park nearby where no one would hear his cries for help. He was frightened and trying his best to get away from all of this shit. Unfortunately, Harry lost. It was his small, starved body against five large well-fed bullies.
Harry was thrown into the nearest wall and they ripped his shirt off, leaving him naked. Harry still attempted to escape but he was pinned down, the gang forced his face into the ground and made his bare arse the main attention.
"Nice arse Potty," Piers chortled. He slapped Harry's arse and they all laughed, enjoying the view. "Now, let's have some fun shall we?"
"No," Harry panted as he felt hands roaming all over his body. He hated it.
The force, the pain, the blood-
He didn't want this, he didn't want this, it hurt, he wanted it to-
"Stop!"
Harry cried and screamed for help, he begged to be freed .
"Please-"
Why? Why did things have to be like this? He thought.
He felt the world around him become dark, black, and empty. There was nothing he could see or feel or touch, just emptiness.
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Harry found himself back in his room again lying on his bare mattress, looking blankly at the ceiling and crying. Why. He asked himself that every day. Just why.
He didn't know anymore, everything was just a quagmire of emptiness, sorrow, and pain. Harry felt as if he was drowning in a puddle of shame and fear. He hated it, he hated everything, he knew that he was a freak, he was worthless and hopeless and an outcast even in the Wizarding world.
He hadn't realised that night had turned into day until he checked his cracked watch and noticed that it was the time for him to go to Platform 9 and 3/4. Harry grabbed his luggage and went to the car because he knew his uncle would be getting impatient. Everything still felt dark and scary for him, ever since- No. He couldn't think about it.
He asked himself, did he even sleep anymore? He didn't even notice that his uncle and aunt had ignored him in the past few days like nothing had happened...or maybe they didn't know.
He didn't know what happened or how he had gotten back to his room after the incident, but he didn't want to know. Harry had felt stuck in his head and his back hurt. He merely remembered that there was blood, and then everything went black.
Harry didn't know what would happen next, he just hoped that being at Hogwarts would make it better. His only home. His only hope.