Chapter Text
Realistically, this was a bad idea. There was probably some scary statistic about the likelihood of getting murdered when replying to an ad on Craigslist for a roommate but Andrew was going to take his chances.
He had no choice. Living in his childhood home had simply become unbearable. His cousin Nicky was a constant mess; he was in the midst of planning “the greatest wedding of the century” and Andrew had run out of patience for the groom-to-be and all his nonsense. “Andrew, did you see my wedding Pinterest board?”, “Andrew, do you think roses are too cliche to walk down the aisle with?”, “Andrew what if Erik and I did cupcakes instead of a cake?”
First of all, Pinterest was where Andrew saved photos of cool looking breakfast toast that he was always too lazy to make, not to look at hundreds of photos of seating arrangements and balloon arches. Second, obviously roses were too cliche and honestly, fuck Nicky for even considering that. Finally, the cake was the best part of weddings. If Nicky opted for cupcakes instead Andrew was going to raise a giant middle finger to his role as groomsman and not even bother showing up.
Andrew’s brother was a whole different mess. Aaron had gone and landed himself a modeling gig posing for horrific and cheesy stock photos of doctors in the medical field and was so pleased with the results that he was now going back to school to pursue a medical degree. Only Aaron would see a photo of himself pretending to take a person's blood pressure and think “Hmm, yes. Better get a degree so next time I have to model a doctor it’ll be legit”.
Which. Whatever. If Aaron wanted to put himself through medical school debt then who was Andrew to stop him? But what Andrew could stop was having to listen to the constant whining about “how many goddamn bones there are” in the human body. Aaron’s adventure of becoming a medical professional was not something Andrew wanted to witness anymore.
And then there was Bee. Poor, sweet Bee who took in three lonesome boys as her own and finally after years of giving she was taking. Bee, who had adopted Andrew and Aaron at age six, and Nicky at age nine, was writing a book about the long term effects of childhood trauma and neglect. It was a subject that meant a lot to Bee and Andrew knew that once published, it would help a lot of people. However, because the subject meant a lot to Bee it meant she got fully immersed in her research. This meant that Andrew would leave his room at night sometimes to get a snack and find Bee sitting on the couch crying as she ferociously types on her laptop.
“The world is just so unfair to these children,” Bee would cry. And fuck if that wasn’t the truth. Andrew agreed, but also for his own mental health, he needed to stop finding his adoptive mother sobbing at three in the morning.
Why would Andrew want to stop living for free and instead pay to live on the opposite side of town as his family with strangers? Reread the previous paragraphs.
So Craigslist.
The ad had looked like it was written by middle schoolers. But after some research, Andrew had found that the apartment was actually in a pretty decent area, it was only about a fifteen minute drive from the elementary school Andrew worked at as a first grade teacher, and the rent was fairly cheap. Andrew called the number on the ad and set up a meeting.
Whatever Andrew had been expecting, it wasn’t this.
First, there was Matt. Matt was tall, and friendly, and he had this grin that was so welcoming and warm it made a person want to tell him all their secrets. Andrew didn’t trust him. Matt was a professional boxer and had been away in Latvia for some tournament for about six months previously. He had a girl he was sort of seeing before he went away and he’s not exactly sure where they stand now. This was all information Andrew did not ask for, but was thrust upon him regardless when the muscular man opened the door for Andrew.
Kevin was pretty. He had a sharp enough jawline to cut glass, dark raven hair that was styled to perfection, peridot green eyes, and looked like he could bench double Andrew’s weight. The allure was ruined as soon as he started speaking. Typically Andrew’s type, but for fucks sake he needed to stop talking. Kevin seemed to have an opinion on everything that existed. From why Matt was the one who opened the door for Andrew to why Andrew was wearing a coral sweater with black shoes.
“Coral looks better with brown, that’s all I’m saying.” Kevin had said. Andrew didn’t reply because he didn’t want the first thing he said to his possibly potential roommates to be him telling one of them to go fuck themselves.
Lastly there was Neil. Andrew didn’t know much about Neil except for the fact that he worked as a bartender at a club downtown. He was a closed book and so far he was Andrew’s favorite. His auburn hair mixed with his sky blue eyes was a striking combination that made him more intimidating than beautiful. Nicky would have a field day if he saw Neil’s picture. Andrew was close to having a field day of his own but similarly to Kevin, once Neil started speaking the allure was mostly ruined. Neil was...bad at this whole life thing. He didn’t seem to care too much about his general well-being and within five minutes Kevin had reminded him about at least twenty basic human functions. However, unlike with Kevin, Andrew found Neil to be sort of endearing. Sure, he seemed to need someone to remind him to eat breakfast, but the fact that Andrew still knew next to nothing about Neil a half hour into the meeting made him interesting.
Collectively, Andrew assumed that there was one brain cell shared among the three of them. Neil never got a turn with the brain cell, Matt sometimes got a turn but didn’t exactly know how to use it, and Kevin got to use the brain cell the most, but that wasn’t really saying much. After all, it was still just one singular brain cell.
After a brief tour of the apartment: four bedrooms, a communal bathroom, living room, and kitchen where Andrew was appalled at lack of sweets.
“Neil doesn’t really like sweets,” Matt explained when Andrew pointed this out. “Kevin cares too much about his body to put anything processed in it so I usually hide some snacks in my room so he doesn’t find them.”
“You will share them with me,” Andrew stated. And that was pretty much how he agreed to move in. He was given a key and assigned a parking spot. (He was spot 03. Kevin was spot 02 and Matt was spot 04. Neil was spot 10 but as Andrew left he noticed there was a razor scooter in said spot, and not a car).
“I still don’t understand why you’re moving out,” Aaron said as he watched Andrew pack.
“Because I am 26 and living at home.”
“Yeah for free. You’re literally leaving a free bedroom to pay to live with people you don’t even know.”
“I just think it’s time for me to branch out. Become independent,” Andrew tried.
“I don’t get it,” Aaron shrugged. “But whatever. Are your roommates hot?”
Yes, was Andrew’s immediate thought. “They’re nice to look at,” Andrew settled on. “But they’re not the brightest bunch.”
“That’s cool. It’ll be like college!”
“We commuted to college from here,” Andrew pointed out.
“Exactly,” Aaron said. “You’ll get to experience what it would've been like if we went somewhere further away. I’ll be living vicariously through you.”
“You could always move out,” Andrew said.
“Nah. I love Bee’s homemade pizza too much.” Aaron paused in thought as he rifled through Andrew’s shoes. “You’ll still come back for pizza night won’t you?”
“Obviously,” Andrew said. It wasn’t like he was moving states. He was moving to the other side of town.
“Cool,” Aaron smiled. “Hey, wait, that’s my shirt.”
Aaron lunged for the shirt sitting atop Andrew’s suitcase. Andrew grabbed it before Aaron could reach. It was not Aaron’s shirt. Aaron proceeded to rifle through all of Andrew’s hard work packing, claiming pants and sweaters that were one hundred percent not his. Eventually Nicky came up and tried to help contain the mess.
Surprisingly, Nicky was being the most chill about Andrew moving out. His usually dramatic and emotional cousin was supportive, where Bee was crying about an empty nest (despite two of her children still very much living at home), and Aaron not understanding wanting space. Andrew thought that Nicky’s emotions were too focused on Erik and the wedding that he simply didn’t have the capacity to also be a wreck about Andrew moving out.
At exactly 2:42am, Andrew was officially packed. Tomorrow he would haul his stuff to his new home. Andrew felt a sort of excitement growing in his stomach. He would miss his family, of course. Once he found his family, he had never really strayed too far away. This would be good for him. He was going to be independent. He would have the space to become his own person outside of the same walls he grew up in.
Andrew Minyard was going to be a new man.