Archive of Our Own ^beta

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It was the end of a long Monday and I was eager to get home and kick back in front of some Netflix. As I gathered my things from the Smosh writer’s office, I thought I must be forgetting something. I looked around and, realizing I left my coffee mug in the kitchen, head out of the door to grab it.

And that’s when a bullet whizzes past my head.

Well, nerf dart, but still. I shriek and freeze, looking around for the culprit. Then another dart, hitting me on the arm, and another in the stomach. I let out another shriek of annoyance and feel myself get tackled. Pulled behind the couch in the common room I yelped loudly, turning to chastise my captor. Instead I see Damien, brows furrowed, surveilling the scene and prepared to attack. I glare at him and he laughs.

“Well howdy there young lady, you got caught in the crossfire of this here nerf fight and I couldn’t let a lassie purdy as you get taken out like that.” He was wearing a cowboy hat and a bandana around his neck. His terrible cowboy accent was as silly as it was charming and I rolled my eyes. He flashed me a huge grin and changes his tone. “I thought you would have been outta here by now, isn’t it Netflix-o-clock?”

“I was trying to go home but as you may have noticed I was SHOT!” I gesture dramatically at my “wounds” and laugh at him.

Damien resumed the accent. “Well ma’am, it would be my honor to escort you to your wagon. I won’t let you get captured by these ruffians under my watch!” He stood dramatically and began rapid firing around the room, grabbing my hand and pulling me down the hall as the darts began to rain down on us.

We spilled out of the front door laughing hysterically and he instinctively started walking me to my car, chatting about the upcoming shoots along the way.

“Are you coming to the ranch this weekend for the real cowboy nerf shootout? I hope the practice round in the office just now didn’t deter you.” He rubbed the back of his neck and shot a hopeful glance my way.

“Yeah I am! I’m excited, I don’t usually get to go on location with you guys. But Shayne must have insisted to Ian that I be included this time.” I chuckled. I love Shayne. We’ve been best friends for years, he was the one that suggested I apply to work at Smosh. I guess Damien and I had that in common. He had actually introduced me to Damien shortly before that. I’d only been with the company a year but had grown to love everyone there like family, but I still felt the closest to the two of them.

Damien shrugged. “You deserve to see some of the action. How are you supposed to write stuff for us if you don’t get to experience what its like in the trenches?” He smiled to me as we got to my car. “Besides, its always more fun having you around.”

I gave him a hug and got in the car, only just realizing I hadn’t gotten a chance to grab my coffee mug. I groaned and shook my head before driving off, giving Damien a wave.

The next morning Damien sent me a text on my way in asking the name of “that one café you like that sounds like a street name”. I shot back an answer quickly, not thinking anything of it until I walked into the writers office and saw a large to-go cup with my favorite café’s logo printed on the side. I looked around, confused, and Damien popped up in the doorway looking too cheerful for 8am. I gave him a grateful smile. “Man, this could not be more perfect, I left my mug here yesterday and didn’t have anything to bring my coffee in this morning.”

He wriggled his eyebrows at me. “Why do you think I needed the name of that cafe? I saw you get all frustrated when you drove off and remembered what you’d said after you, uh, got shot.”

“God thank you. You really didn’t have to do that,” I took a sip, savoring the caramel macchiato, “but I’m really gonna need this to get through the day. Especially with Shayne’s party tonight.” I took another huge swig and put it down on my desk. “Thanks again Dames, you’re the best.”

He grinned and nodded, tipping an invisible cowboy hat as he exited the room. “Anytime purdy lady.”

I sighed, happy that I now had the caffeine to take on the day. Work wouldn’t be too much, just finishing up a couple scripts, but Shayne’s birthday party is tonight and I intended to stay the course. Ian even offered to give Shayne the day off and let us all come in late tomorrow, I assumed mostly because he intended to get trashed himself. Opening my laptop with coffee in hand, I began to write.

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Arriving at Shayne and Damien’s home a little after 8:30, I noticed the party was already in full swing. When I walked in I was immediately handed a drink and a party hat was thrown on my head.

“Thank you Courtney,” I laughed, “Are you the hostess?”

She nodded aggressively and responded too loudly, “Yes ma’am and how may are in your party this evening? Ha! Party. That’s funny…” She trailed off and gestured me into the living room. I greeted Shayne and wished him a happy birthday and he responded by high fiving me and pounding his beer.

I laughed and looked around. “Where’s Damien? Beer run?”

He rolled his eyes. “Of course, can’t spend two minutes at my birthday party without asking about Damien.” I looked at him with confusion.

“He’s your best friend dummy, I just wondered why he wasn’t getting plastered right next to you.”

Shayne rolled his eyes again. “He’ll be right back. And don’t worry, he’s been asking about you all night too.”

Confused again, I probed him. “What do you mean he’s been asking about me all night?” Shayne looked uncomfortable and just waved it off. “Nevermind, it was a joke.” I was weirded out, but at that moment Tommy came up and started talking to Shayne so I wandered off to mingle. Not long after I did see Damien come in and gave him a wave and a warm smile. We didn’t have time to talk because moments later Shayne announced a drinking game and had us all gather around.

Two hours later we were all shitfaced. The game had gotten us all well past where we needed to be and now most people dancing like maniacs to whatever music pumped through the speakers. Taking a break, I went to the back patio to get some fresh air. Shayne was out there too, sitting with his drink in his hand. I leaned over the railing and we were silent for a moment before I spoke.

“Good party. I don’t know if Ian’s gonna make into work at all tomorrow.” We laughed. He stopped and looked me a little seriously.

“Are things alright with us? Lately I feel like you and Damien have gotten close and sometimes, I don’t know, it feels like I’ve been replaced.” He stopped to consider his next words. “I mean I know you two are close too, but we’ve been friends for so long, I… I don’t know.” He seemed genuinely sad.

“No! Shayne, god no, of course we’re good. You’re my best friend.” I felt myself getting overly emotional from all the rum. “Nothing could change that. Not even Damien. I mean, he’s like my best friend too. But you’re my best friend. You’re both awesome, and funny, and supportive, and charming…” I heard myself rambling but couldn’t stop the words. “And just cause I’m close with him doesn’t mean anything about you has changed. And he’s your best friend too so you know how charming and sweet and cute he is, and when he gets that little dimple when he laughs it’s just so cute, and his—”

“Wait a minute.” Shayne interrupted my drunk babbling. “You… you totally have a crush on him don’t you?”

“What! No! Uh-uh definitely not.” I stumbled through my words, the alcohol tongue-tying me.

“Yes you do!” he almost shouted, “That’s what’s been up. You’re totally into him. Did you hear yourself just now? Come on!”

I shushed him “Shayne shut up! People will hear you!”

“So you admit it,” he said smugly, “you’re into him.”

I began to panic. “I don’t know! I mean, no, I’m not, but I can see how you’d think that. But no.”

Shayne didn’t even speak, just waited for me to out myself, which I did. Of course.

“It’s like, you know how sometimes you just want to spend all your time with someone and even when you’re out of socialization energy for the day it’s still nice? And he brought me coffee from my favorite place this morning, he’s so caring… And like okay I guess I am a little into him but it’s not a big deal and I would never do anything to fuck up our group dynamic. Shayne you cannot say anything. I know he’s your best friend and you live with him but until I figure this out you cannot say a word! Promise?”

He smiled. “I know, I promise. You’re my best friend too, and as much as I’d love you two to get together, I’m a good friend. Your secret is safe with me.” He smirked again and I glared at him, opening my mouth to argue and he added “I promise! Pinky!” So there we were, drunkenly pinky promising that my best friend wouldn’t tell my crush about my feelings. Like we were in the sixth grade. I rolled my eyes.

“Your party sucks dude!” I shouted jokingly as I went back inside. I hadn’t even admitted it to myself before, but Shayne was right. I’d definitely been fighting feelings for Damien for a long time. Even as his name entered my head I spotted him across the room, and when our eyes met he waved playfully. I waved back, almost in a trance, processing my own realization. I had feelings for Damien. Suddenly I felt like I needed to me alone. It was only 11 but I called an Uber, sneaking over to tell only Courtney that I was calling it a night early. She clearly saw some of the emotion on my face because she didn’t even pretend to bully me for leaving so early, just told me to text her if I needed anything. I thanked her and left, arriving home in a fog. As I was getting ready for bed my phone dinged with a text.

Damien: Hey, I didn’t realize you’d left. I hope everything’s alright? xx

I couldn’t reply. I put my phone down and climbed into bed but wasn’t able to fall asleep for hours. Even after I’d turned off the lights, my thoughts were too loud.

Chapter Text

Wednesday morning was… rough. As planned, we all came into work super late, with Shayne even showing up in the late afternoon just to thank everyone for coming. Most of my coworkers seemed sluggish due to the hangover from the night before, but I had different reasons. I had barely slept the night before, deep in thought at my recent revelation. I had feelings for one of my best friends. And my other best friend knew. I had figured the best course of action was to force the feelings down, will them to go away. I wasn’t willing to risk our friendship over this, Damien was too important to me. And what if we did have a falling out? Shayne was his roommate; there’s no way things wouldn’t change between us too. My anxiety had been building all night as I spiraled through every way this could ruin my life. Damien finds out how I feel and things get weird with us and he pulls away, and Shayne is too loyal to his roommate to not do the same so I lose them both. Things get awkward at work and I spend every day feeling uncomfortable and every night feeling painfully lonely. Or worse, since they both had been at Smosh long before me, Ian decides to just cut out the problem and fire me. Could I really lose my job over a stupid crush?

The thoughts had snowballed so hard I didn’t even want to listen to myself anymore, acknowledging the absurdity of it all but still feeling the fear in the back of my mind. Even arriving at the office at the ripe hour of 10:30 it was hard to get my head back in the game. It was Wednesday, a planned writers day, so I could probably avoid the boys easily enough. It was a day I was expected to spend holed up at my desk on a productivity spree. Putting my headphones in I turned my music up high, shutting out the world and my paranoia.

Around noon I stood up, ready for a bathroom break and a second cup of coffee. Heading first for the bathroom, I froze before I turned the corner, hearing Shayne and Damien speaking in hushed tones.

“I don’t know man, I just feel like something’s wrong. Are you sure she didn’t say anything to you last night? She disappeared right after you guys talked on the patio.” Damien was asking about me. Oh god, Shayne was going to tell him. My stomach dropped.

“No dude, nothing. We were joking around, nothing really came up. I didn’t know she’d left either but I’m sure it didn’t have anything to do with either of us. Something must have just come up.” I was shocked. Shayne really didn’t tell my secret.

“I guess. But she didn’t even answer my text and she hasn’t said anything to me all morning.” Damien sighed.

“Me neither. She’s probably just having an off day, and you know she’s got like three scripts she’s in the middle of too. Don’t worry man, whatever it is, she’ll tell you when she’s ready.” Damien seemed placated by Shayne’s words, but I caught something. Not she’ll tell us when she’s ready, she’ll tell you. Luckily, Damien didn’t seem to notice that Shayne basically just told him he already knew. Relived, but still not ready to be alone with them, I headed to the kitchen to make my coffee. The bathroom would have to wait.

I managed to spend my whole afternoon at my desk chair, only stopping once when Monica asked if I wanted anything for lunch. I politely declined, telling her I brought something, but the truth was I was too anxious to eat. Around 4pm I decided to call it a day, not realizing most people had left an hour or two before. I took my time gathering my things, exhausted more from my own thoughts than by my work, and with my arms full I headed for the exit. A heard the door open and thought nothing of it, but as I turned the corner I ran headfirst into Damien. I toppled to the floor, dropping my arm full of things, and he stumbled, catching himself right before crushing me on the floor.

I held my breath. It was unusual for us to go a whole day without talking, and now he was inches from my face, his breathing heavy. My heart fluttered and for a second neither of us moved. Great, exactly what I needed, a goddamn meet cute like at the beginning of a shitty romcom. He sat up, flustered, grabbing the things I had dropped.

“Are you okay? Crap, sorry, Shayne drove me back because I realized I forgot my phone…I guess I shouldn’t run in here, huh?” He stopped gathering my things and held his hand out to me. I took it and he effortlessly pulled me to my feet, leaving us standing quite close. I let a moment pass, getting lost in his eyes before blinking and coming back to reality.

“Um, yeah, no worries.” I laughed nervously, wanting to end this awkward scenario but also wishing I could stand here with him forever. He handed me my belongings and rubbed the back of his neck, something he always did when he was uncomfortable.

He tried to strike up small talk. “Long day huh? I didn’t see you leave the writers office once.”

I shrugged. “I was in the zone. But it really wore me out, I may go home and take a nap.” I needed to beat him to the punch before he asked me to hang out. It was a strange feeling, dodging plans with my friend.

He nodded, understanding, but still seeming disappointed. “Alright then, I better not leave Shayne waiting for too long.”

“Totally. See you tomorrow!” I tried to sound lighthearted but didn’t even wait for his response, just booked it for the door, hearing a half-hearted “yeah, you too” from behind me.

I hadn’t lied to Damien, turns out I really did need a nap. When I woke up at 6pm I was disoriented and starving. I grabbed my phone and ordered the first thing that popped up, then scrolled mindlessly through Instagram and Twitter while I waited for my dinner. Eventually I received a text from Shayne.

Shayne: Hey, Damien’s really not handling the silent treatment well. I’m not trying to make you feel bad, I know it’s rough for you too. But I figured you should know.

Fuck, it must be really bad if Shayne’s telling me about it. We’ve never been a group to talk about each other’s problems behind their backs, it felt too gossipy and childish. But this was different.

Me: I know. I was so weird earlier, I’m sure he thinks I’m mad at him. I feel like shit. I feel like I don’t know how to be normal around him anymore.

Shayne: Just don’t get so in your head about it. Feelings or no, he’s still one of your best friends. Just remember how things were literally any day before the party.

Shayne: And don’t be too hard on yourself :) you and D have that in common.

Me: Thanks Shayne <3

I set my phone down, sighing. My trying not to ruin everything just may end up ruining everything. I lay there, not getting up from the couch to turn on any lights as the sun went down and night set in. When I heard a knock on the door I managed to summon the energy to get my dinner and bring it back to the couch, turning on a lamp on the way. I ate in silence, no tv on, nothing playing on my phone. After picking at my meal for thirty minutes I gave up, still unable to eat.

I kept looking at my phone, not sure what I was expecting. Maybe Damien would text me again, trying to get me to tell him what was wrong. For a minute I considered whether or not that would be a bad thing. I did miss him, I did want to talk to him. Maybe I should text him? But what would I say? I can’t lie to him, but I’m not ready to tell him the truth; I’m not sure I ever will be.

Chapter Text

The rest of the week at work was uneventful. I tried to be normal around Damien but found myself being too cold one moment and then overcompensating by being too clingy. It was a tricky line to walk and mostly I made sure we were never alone together. He clearly still wanted to ask me what was up but followed Shayne’s advice and didn’t press it.

As Friday rolled around we headed out to the ranch where we were to shoot a few videos for next week. Most of them carpooled but I opted to drive myself, needing the alone time. But I soon forgot my own woes as we pulled up to the farmhouse. It was gorgeous, and the perfect scene to film a nerf shoot out and some cowboy games. I decided that no matter what, today was going to be fun.

I spent most of the day sitting with the other writers who had come, cracking jokes, suggesting alternate lines for the cast, and enjoying the beautiful scenery. When they weren’t around I sometimes had a ranch hand or the owner of the property come over to chat with me. Lots of old white men were not my normal demographic, but decent conversation partners nonetheless. I was learning a lot about ranch life. Toward the end of the day when we were all packing up, one of the ranch hands approached me again, asking me to come get a piece of equipment that had been left in the barn. Confused, I followed him.

Entering the barn, I didn’t immediately see anything out of place, and instead of leading me to the equipment he started asking me about my personal life, if I had a boyfriend, what kind of guys I was into. That was when I realized there was no equipment for me to get. This almost fifty-year-old man was hitting on me, someone nearly half his age, in a barn while I was trying to work.

“Sir, I really need to get back and help my coworkers finish packing up.” I made sure my voice was strong, not letting on the hint of panic I was feeling.

“Nah they’ll be fine without ya for a minute, dear. Bunch of youngsters you’ve got there. Seems like you could use some wisdom. That comes with age, ya know. And I know I may not look like those handsome teens, but I’m still in pretty good shape for my age.” He winked at me and my insides tensed up. I’m out of here.

“No thank you—” I turned to leave but he was quick, jumping in between me and the door.

“Oh come on honey, you’ve been chatting me up all day. I think we have good chemistry!” He reached for my arm and I took a step back, feeling my anxiety rise. At that moment Damien stepped calmly but quickly into the barn door and cleared his throat loudly. The man turned to him, taken aback.

“I believe the lady said no thank you.” His voice was steady, his stance strong. The man looked at Damien and tried to make an excuse.

“Young fella, this lady has been flirting with me all dang day. I was only trying to be friendly.”

Damien took a step forward, rolling up his sleeves and flexing his hands. I couldn’t help but notice how muscular his arms looked. He stood taller, intimidating, never breaking eye contact with my harasser, and reached his hand out to me. I gratefully took it and he pulled me toward him a bit forcefully, as if to make a point to the man that I was his. “Good day.” He said sternly, and we turned and left, Damien rushing me out of there quickly.

We made our way back to the parking lot hastily. “Are you okay?” He asked quietly, his face hard to read, strained. I nodded, still a bit at a loss for words. As I was opening my mouth to respond, I noticed something.

“Where did everyone else go?” I asked abruptly.

“They had packed up and were ready to leave, and we knew you had driven separately so they didn’t need to wait for you, but Shayne suggested one of us stay back and wait just to make sure you were alright and honestly thank god I did because that…” He trailed off, unsure how to finish the thought. I nodded again.

“Gotcha. Yeah, lets get out of here. I’m not looking forward to the long drive home, but at least I have some company.” I smiled weakly at the sentiment. “Some company that isn’t…” I gestured toward the barn and he nodded. But I was terrified to be alone with him, still working out how I felt and what that meant for our friendship. He is one of my best friends, and he had just saved me from a horribly uncomfortable situation. I didn’t want to imagine what would have happened if he hadn’t stayed behind for me. Feelings or not, it was always nicer having him around.

We climbed quickly into my car, eager to hit the road, not speaking as we left the barn behind us. Our drive began in silence but something was nagging at me.

“Hey Dames,” I began hesitantly. He turned to look at me but I kept my gaze straight ahead. “Thank you. That… could have gone south real fast. Thank you for staying behind for me.”

I could see him smile out of the corner of my eye. “I always will.”

After a few more minutes of silence, he struck up conversation. It was slow at first, but soon the tension eased, and the drive started to feel like normal. After no more than a half hour I started to feel something wrong with the car. Expressing my concern to Damien, he told me to pull over and got out to check.

“Shoot.” I heard him murmur before coming to knock on my window. I rolled it down. “Looks like we got a nail in the tire. It’s been leaking slowly since we left probably, but it’s just about empty now.”

I hit my head on the steering wheel silently. I had been meaning to replace the spare in my trunk for months and kept putting it off. Of course, my laziness chooses now to catch up to me. By my reaction he assumed the bad news.

“You never replaced that spare, did you?” He looked more concerned than annoyed and I groaned. He knew me too well. I didn’t even have to answer him. He got back in the car and pulled out his phone and let out a heavy sigh. I looked up to him expectantly and without speaking he reached for my phone, looking at it and sighing again, softer.

“Well, problem number two is we don’t have any cell signal.” He looked at me and saw the rising panic on my face. We were hours from home and under no circumstances were we returning to that ranch. “But it’s fine! I saw a motel like two miles back. Up for a hike?” He smiled at me, trying to ease my obvious discomfort. After a minute of thought, I gathered the few important things in my car and Damien grabbed his bag and we set off. The awkwardness had come back and without the loudness of the radio to sing along to, I wasn’t sure what to say. Damien looked a couple times like he may ask about this week, but luckily he never did. A good ways into our uphill hike he noticed me slowing down. He stuck with me, never leaving my side, but noticing the exhaustion on my face eventually spoke up.

“Piggyback ride?” he asked. I was caught off guard. We were normally relatively physical with each other without much thought, but now I was struggling. Trying to play it off I made a joke.

“Sorry Damien I don’t think I’m strong enough to carry you, you’re gonna have to walk.” He chuckled but doubled down of the offer.

“Seriously. You’ve had a long day and I can tell you’re exhausted. And we’ve still got close to a mile I’d guess.” He looked at me with care in his eyes, and as much as I wanted to refuse, he was right. I just stopped and nodded, carefully climbing onto his back when he knelt in front of me. He wrapped his arms around my legs and held me up firmly, his muscular back tense and strong beneath me. I never really noticed these things before, not consciously. But it was nice to feel taken care of for the second time today. I began to relax.

I was thankful we arrived at the motel just as night began to set in. Damien let me down and went to the desk to get us some rooms with his company card, spending a long time speaking with the receptionist and borrowing the phone to call Ian and Shayne. When he came back he had a weird look on his face.

“So they only had one room, with one bed, but don’t worry, I can sleep on the couch.” His words were rushed, and while normally I would fight him for the couch, I was too tired and grateful and just nodded. We went to the room all the way at the end of the hall and opened the door. The place was actually not bad for a motel, a small tv on the dresser, new curtains, and the bed looked so fluffy and inviting. I flopped face first into it and didn’t move for a moment, until I heard Damien fidgeting around. I looked up and noticed why. There was no couch. Not even a nice chair. Just the bed, and a desk with a small wooden chair, nothing else. Immediately my heart rate rose, anxiety spiking. We’d only shared a bed once, it was a huge king size and Shayne had been in the middle. This queen size with just the two of us would be… different. I looked at him and he tried to keep his voice light.

“You okay to share?” He hesitated, unsure whether to sit. I nodded and swallowed, my throat suddenly dry.

“Of course!” I tried to sound chill. “I’m not gonna let you sleep on the floor.”

He seemed to relax a bit and carried his bag to the bathroom. “I’m gonna wash all this ranch dirt off me. Why don’t you find something for us to watch? Maybe a movie?”

I nodded and he turned, taking his shirt off before he closed the door. My eyes lingered longer than they should have, and he may have noticed in the bathroom mirror but politely didn’t react. I looked away and he closed the door, starting the shower. I laid back on the bed and just closed my eyes, more out of despair than exhaustion. I needed to be careful.

I reached over for the remote and started flipping through channels, finding a movie that was just beginning and settling against the headboard. Damien was in the shower for a decently long time and I started to get antsy, wanting to shower off the day as well but realizing I didn’t have a change of clothes like he did. When he emerged from the bathroom in black sweats and an oversized navy t-shirt, I got up to take my turn. Once in the bathroom I slowly got undressed, feeling less and less excited to put these clothes back on after I was clean. Stepping into the shower I sighed with relief, the hot water washing away the day. When I got out I dried off and looked at my clothes with disdain. But I didn’t have a choice, so on they went, my sweaty shirt and dusty jeans.

When I came out Damien was sitting on the bed where I had been before, and he turned to look at me quizzically.

“You put your ranch clothes back on? I’d feel gross getting in those after a shower.”

I sighed. “Well, I don’t have anything to change into, so here we are.”

He looked at me and frowned. “That’s no good.” He thought for a moment and then without speaking, took off his shirt. I tried not to stare. “Here, at least change into this. That’ll be better to sleep in.”

I pondered his offer, looking down at my long sleeved button up shirt, and was disgusted enough to finally give in. I took it and went back into the bathroom, removing my gross shirt and replacing it with his. It was slightly damp from his skin after the shower and smelled like him. I took a deep inhale and appreciated him for a moment. Noticing it was even more oversized on me, I considered the jeans. The shirt came down a little below my mid-thigh. I took off the jeans and examined my reflection. Luckily I was wearing boyshorts today instead of my one of my more revealing panty options, and after all, I was the one with the feelings, not him. He wasn’t the one that would come fully undone by seeing a little more of my thigh than normal. Not capable of forcing myself to put the jeans back on I decided this would do.

When I came out of the bathroom he turned to me and his eyes seemed to get bigger for a beat before resuming a neutral expression.

“Decided to ditch the jeans too, huh? I don’t blame you,” he said casually.

I played it cool. “You couldn’t pay me to put those things back on right now.”

He laughed. “Well I don’t doubt that, not that people are normally paying women to put clothes back on.”

I laughed nervously and sat on the bed next to him, leaning against the headboard and taking extra care to keep the shirt from riding up. His eyes wandered to my bare legs a couple times and I got a little self-conscious but didn’t dare mention it.

We both focused on the movie, only chatting here and there, and eventually I found my eyes closing. Opening them a short time later, I found the credits rolling and my head resting on Damien’s shoulder. Even weirder, I felt his head lightly resting on mine. It felt wonderful, the casual closeness with this man, and I didn’t want to move, but my neck was stiff and I couldn’t spend all night like this. I shifted and he lifted his head off me as I sat up. He looked at me shyly and as the music for the credits played he turned the volume down and faced me, getting serious.

“Hey, I know something’s been up this week. I don’t know what it is, and you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But I’ve felt things with us have been off and I just wanted to make sure… are we okay?” His puppy dog eyes melted me and I wanted to just blurt it all out right there, but I stopped myself. I looked down at my hands and fidgeted, trying to decide what to say.

“We’re alright Dames. I’ve had a lot on my mind, and I can’t really get into it all right now. But yeah, I’m fine. We’re fine.” I gave him a small smile. “You don’t have to worry.”

Still concerned, but momentarily appeased, he returned my unconvincing smile. “Okay. Good. And you know whenever you want to talk about whatever it is, if you ever want to talk about it, I’m here for you. Shayne too.” He added. “He’s been worried about you this week too I think, even though he didn’t outwardly say it.”

My smile was a little more genuine this time. “Yeah, I know. You guys are good friends.” I winced internally at the word. Friends. That was all we were and all we could be. Trying to hide my sadness I got up and started pulling back the blankets. Damien followed, both of us settling into the bed in silence. Before turning out the light I took another moment to admire his shirtless body, hopefully without him noticing this time.

With the light out I snuggled into the plush blankets and sighed. I rolled over and came face to face with Damien, who I could barely make out in the sparse moonlight spilling through the crack in the curtains. He was looking at me and, wordlessly, nuzzled into my shoulder. He’d always been a very physical friend, I reminded myself, but I hadn’t noticed until recently just how physical. Too tired to fight it, I let myself relax, leaning into him a bit, and slowly drifting off to sleep.

Some time later I awoke, disoriented. I realized in my sleep I had snuggled further into Damien, finding my arm around his torso and my head on his bare chest. I noticed a light touch tickling my arm and saw his hand, slowly tracing circles on my skin. I wasn’t sure what to make of this. In all his physicality, this was not a behavior I was familiar with. This was more intimate. I considered moving, letting him know I was awake, but decided against it. Then I heard him start lightly humming, indecipherable at first, but gradually I began to recognize it. A song by a band I had recommended to him recently, my favorite song of theirs; ironically, a song about unrequited love. He hummed softly, like a lullaby, and never stopped tracing his fingers over my arm. It felt like a dream, and in the morning I would wonder if it had been.

Chapter Text

The next day was chaotic, getting a tow truck for my car, getting a ride back to town and then another ride to pick up my car after the tire got fixed, then driving all the way back home. Ian gave me the day to get it all settled, telling me I was getting paid regardless because it was fallout from a work trip and not my fault. I appreciated the hell out of that man. After spending almost eight hours running around and recovering from yesterday I was ready to get home. But right as I started to head that direction I remembered I had left some things at the office I had intended to pick up after shooting yesterday. Turning around, I made my final trip of the day over to the office, getting there long after everyone else had left for the day, or so I thought.

Grabbing my things from the writer’s room, I turned to find a figure standing in the dimly lit doorway. I shrieked, and the figure yelped a familiar yelp.

“Damien?” I exhaled a sigh of relief.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t expect anyone to be here.” He stepped out of the shadow of the doorway further into the dim of the office. “Why are you here? Did you get everything with your car worked out?”

“I had left a couple things here yesterday,” I gestured at the bag I was carrying, “And yeah, thanks for asking. They even replaced the spare so I won’t get stranded again.”

He smiled but didn’t speak. Now it was my turn to ask. “Why are you here so late?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I needed to finish some stuff up. I kept zoning out all day and barely got any work done,” he admitted, “I guess you’re not the only one with a lot on your mind.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond. I wanted to ask what was wrong, but I knew he would tell me if he wanted to. Maybe he just hadn’t slept well last night? I waited to see if he would continue.

“I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. Just being in the motel, and I’m used to sleeping alone… not that I’m saying it was you!” He stammered, getting nervous. “Actually having you there was nice. But I wanted to kinda apologize? I—I know you woke up when I was singing. And I just wanted to make sure you weren’t uncomfortable; I thought about moving you when you rolled over on to me but I didn’t want to wake you….”

“Damien it’s fine. Really. You don’t need to worry.” Feeling awkward, I left the room to rescue the coffee mug that I kept leaving in the kitchen, and he followed. In the small kitchen we were forced to stand close together, and as I turned away from the sink I found him right in front of me. I knew there was more.

“No, it’s not fine. Something’s wrong, I can feel it. I just don’t want to fuck things up…” He trailed off, the intensity in his eyes preventing me from forming a coherent thought. He leaned against the door frame with his arm, turning his head away, and even through the dimness I was able to make out a single tear fall down his cheek.

“Damien. Hey, what? What’s wrong?” My awkwardness immediately left me and was replaced with concern. Damien is a sensitive guy, but even I didn’t see this often. When he still didn’t look at me I reached up, touching his face lightly and turning it to me. Our eyes met and I saw more tears. My voice left me and we just stared into each other’s eyes for a moment. “Dames,” I whispered, my hand still resting on his face, “Hey…”

In that moment something in me broke. Seeing this man I cared so deeply for so upset, heartbroken over something I had done, the way I had alienated him by no fault of his own. He thought I was mad at him, but he had no idea how wrong he was. I couldn’t keep letting him live like this, worrying and crying over me. He was crying because of me.

I pulled his face to mine and kissed him hesitantly. Immediately he kissed me back, hard, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me close. After a moment he broke the kiss, pulling back to look at me. I was shaking, all the built-up nerves finally hitting me, and he took my hand off his face and placed it over his chest. His heart was racing, maybe harder than my own. With his other hand he cupped my face, stroked my cheek with his thumb and then pulled me back into him, his soft lips crashing into mine. A wave of emotion swept over me and I pulled back, gasping for breath, the beginnings of tears forming in my eyes. Damien looked worried.

“What? Is it too much? Are you—”

A small sob escaped my throat. All the tension and emotion I had been fighting with all week flooded me and words began spilling out.

“I was so scared I was going to screw everything up. I didn’t even know. Not until the party. Shayne and I were talking, and I realized, and… And this whole week I’ve been terrified that I was gonna lose you, and then I’d lose Shayne too, and… I couldn’t risk it, I couldn’t tell you cause what if you didn’t feel the same? What if we couldn’t get back to normal? You’re one of my best friends and I just—I—”

Suddenly his lips were on mine again, silencing me. This time was slower, more gentle, his lips delicately brushing mine with every fluttering kiss. My heart couldn’t decide if it was going to stop or explode, but Damien brought his hand up to my head, stroking my hair to calm me, before pulling me into his chest. He rested his head on mine and held me in an embrace so tight, as if he was afraid I would fade away at any moment. I took a minute to calm down before pulling back enough to see his face. He looked relieved.

“Is that what happened? At the party? You told Shayne… you told him you had feelings for me?” His voice was soft, incredulous at my confession.

“I… I guess I told us both. I didn’t even really realize it before. Actually, Shayne technically knew about my feelings for you before I did.” I chuckled a little at the absurdity.

 “Yeah, Shayne can be intuitive that way.” He shook his head and smiled. “Well I’ve gotta give the guy credit, he can keep a secret. He didn’t tell either of us.”

Wait a minute. “What do you mean either of us?” I was missing something, clearly. What would Shayne have told me?

Laughing, he explained. “Well I guess I can tell you now, but Shayne’s been keeping my secret for like a year. I told him how I felt about you, but I didn’t want to stir anything up, with us all being such good friends, so I told him once, we talked about it a couple times, and then we agreed never to bring it up again, to anyone.”

“…a year?” I was flabbergasted. “You’ve… for a year?” I suddenly felt sad. “I’m sorry Dames. I’m sorry you had to deal with that. I’ve only been dealing with it for a week and I almost lost my mind.”

“Yeah,” he nodded, “It hits different when its your best friend.” A beat of silence passed; he wrapped his arms around me tightly and squeezed. “I was terrified to lose you too. But now that I have you, I don’t want to let go. Ever.”

We stood in the kitchen, hugging, talking, kissing, for what felt like hours. We agreed not to tell anyone at work yet, but both realized we needed to tell Shayne. After all, turns out he can keep a secret when he really needs to. Since it was Saturday night and I was suddenly revitalized, we decided to head over and tell him together.

Arriving at their apartment, Damien let us in and called up the stairs to Shayne.

“Hey man, did you get Y/N out of your head and get your stuff done or did you give up?” He shouted nonchalantly. When Damien appeared at the top of the stairs with me in tow, Shayne was visibly caught off guard. He tried to backpedal, not wanting to out Damien for having feelings for me. “He’d been kinda worried about you this past week, you’ve been a little off.”

Damien stepped behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist, and Shayne didn’t know what to say. I smiled bigger than I had in a long time and he put the pieces together.

“Oh my god finally! You two are exhausting!” Shayne shouted dramatically. “Alright tell me how it happened.” But he was already headed to the kitchen, reappearing with a bottle of wine and three glasses. We rehashed the evening, skipping over some of the more intimate details, and Shayne had never looked more relieved.

“We do still need you to keep the secret though, we’ve gotta figure out how this is in private before we go public.” I reminded him, and he finished his glass of wine and nodded.

“That part is fine, its just keeping things from the two of you about the two of you that sucked. You don’t have to worry about me.” He refilled his glass and then groaned and made a face. “Oh no, now I’m gonna be the perpetual third wheel.”

“No, you’re no—” I started.

“Oh yeah you totally are.” Damien interrupted and we all laughed. He reached over and squeezed my leg and I grabbed his hand and held it. Shayne rolled his eyes and put his glass down.

“This is going to take some getting used to.” Shayne sighed. Damien started to give him grief but Shayne added, “No but for real, I’m really happy for you guys.” He gave us a huge smile, and then was thoughtful for a moment before asking, “So did you bang at the office or nah?”

“Shayne!” Damien turned beet red and Shayne started laughing really hard.

“I’m sorry man I had to ask. I’ll take that as a no? Oh! Is that why you’re here now? I can get my noise cancelling headphones…”

“Shayne.” This time I was the one to stop him. He held up his hands in defeat.

“I’m joking, calm down.”

After another half hour of chatting I decided to head home for the night, feeling the emotional toll of the day. Damien kissed me goodbye and I wanted nothing more than to bring him with me, remembering our night of cuddling at the motel, but I didn’t offer and he didn’t ask. I didn’t want to rush; things would progress naturally. For now it was nice to just enjoy the early, innocent feeling of realizing your crush likes you back.

Chapter Text

On Sunday morning I woke up feeling light. Reaching over to check my phone and saw I already had a text.

Damien: Good morning sunshine :) I was hoping I could give you a proper first date tonight? I’ll pick you up at 6 xx

I beamed, closing my eyes and letting the happiness wash over me. I replied to the text immediately.

Me: Can’t wait <3

I put my phone down, trying to decide what to do until 6pm. All I could think about was Damien, and part of me wanted to just drive over there right now, but knowing him he had planned out the evening and I didn’t want to spoil it. Today was going to be a long day.

At 6pm on the dot there was a knock at the door. I had been ready for nearly thirty minutes and had touched up my lipstick six or seven times, the excitement getting the best of me. At the door was the sexiest version of Damien I had ever seen. He had on dark washed jeans and a perfectly fitted button up shirt rolled up to the elbows. His hair was styled and he had a rose in his hand. When he looked at me his mouth opened but no words came out. Good, I had done my job. I was wearing a navy blue strappy dress, short, fitted at the top and flaring out so that when I moved it flowed. My hair was half up, and only lightly curled at the bottom, with delicate gold earrings and classic black heels.

“Um, yeah, wow.” He finally managed to stutter. “Well, hi. Uh, you look… wow.”

I blushed and thanked him. He handed me the rose and leaned in for a quick kiss, putting his hand on my back and discovering that the dress is backless. He raises his eyebrows and I do a twirl, showing off for him and he takes my hand and kisses the back of it.

“Ready to go?” I nod and he leads me to the car, opening the door for me. As we drove, I kept asking him where we were going, and he was playing coy. Eventually I realized we were almost to his apartment but he still wouldn’t tell me the plan. Pulling up in front of his home, I notice Shayne’s car is gone. He gets out and opens the door for me again, taking my hand and guiding me to his front door.

“You ready?” He asks.

“For what?” I laugh and he unlocks the door, leading me into his dimly lit apartment. When I reached the top of the stairs I was speechless. There were string lights hanging from the ceiling, a table for two set in the dining room with a candle, wine glasses, and bouquet of roses, and music was playing quietly in the background. He followed up the stairs behind me, stopping at the top and waiting for my reaction.

“Damien.” I whispered, almost unable to form words. I turned to look up at him and his eyes gleamed with hopeful pride. He wanted to impress me, and he’d pulled out all the stops.

“What do you think?” He still looked a little nervous, fidgeting a bit. “Is it alright?”

“I—I’ve never had anyone do anything like this for me. Damien it’s perfect.” I was overwhelmed, unable to process, and all I could do was kiss him. He leaned into the kiss, laying his hand on my back and tickling the bare skin. He broke the kiss and led me to the table, sitting me down and excusing himself to bring out a bottle of wine. He poured us each a glass and sat down.

“How did you even do all this today?” I couldn’t stop looking around at everything.

“Well, a trip to target and some help from Shayne, mostly,” he admitted, “I’m glad you like it. I thought it would be a little more intimate than going out, and since we’re kinda keeping things to ourselves for the time being…”

“It’s absolutely perfect, Dames.”

Something in the kitchen dinged and he excused himself, coming out a minute later with two beautiful plates of steak, roasted carrots, and couscous. Placing the plates down gently he took a seat once again.

“I also wanted to cook for you,” he admitted shyly. I blushed and smiled wide. Damien and I had bonded early on about food and how important it was to us. By cooking for me he was bearing his soul, and I recognized that. We ate and talked, laughing about all the times over the last year he had almost slipped up and told me how he felt, and how much of a mess I had been this past week. After we finished the meal he cleared the plates and came back with the wine bottle for us to finish. Once that was gone I looked at him with curiosity.

“So, did you have a plan for after dinner?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I thought we could just watch a movie. Shayne is at Tommy’s so we don’t have to worry about our PDA making him uncomfortable.” I giggled and he stood up, holding out his hand. “Madame.”

I took his hand and he led me to the living room, where I took my heels off and sat on the couch, tucking my legs underneath me. Damien sat right next to me, putting his arm around my shoulders and kissing me sweetly. We flipped through Netflix and found a movie neither of us had seen and settled in. I rested my head on his shoulder and he kissed the top of it, pulling me into him. His hand rubbed up and down my bare back, warming me and giving me a chill at the same time. He felt my chill and pulled me into his lap, wrapping a blanket around us both.

Sitting sideways in his lap, slowly our focus shifted from the movie to one another. I kissed him, running my fingers through his hair and over the nape of his neck and he hummed happily, continuing to rub my back. We stayed like this until the movie ended and Damien suggested more wine. I happily agreed and he lifted me off his lap, placing me on the couch and going to the kitchen. I decided to follow him, curious if there were any more surprises. As I walked through the doorway he turned around and almost tripped over me, not hearing me enter. I laughed as he caught me, leaning his back against the counter and holding my waist. My breath caught, still not used to being this close to him. I tilted my head up and kissed him hard. He was caught off guard but returned the kiss with equal fervor, tightening his grip around my waist. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss.

Suddenly he spun me around, holding me against the counter with his body weight. I gave him a look and he wiggled his eyebrows at me, giggling before coming back in for the kiss. I bit at his lower lip and he growled playfully, and that growl did something to me. I bit his lip a little harder and then kissed down his neck, biting at his earlobe and eliciting another low growl.

His hands traveled south a bit, dancing past the hem of my dress and on to my ass, squeezing lightly. I hummed appreciatively into his ear and he squeezed harder, pressing our bodies together. I felt a hardness in his pants and realized then how excited I was. I wanted this, and he did too. But he faltered when he realized how wrapped up he had gotten. Pulling back, he took in my face, trying to read my expression. I knew what he was thinking; he didn’t want to move too fast, make me feel pressured. But this wasn’t some guy I met at a bar, it was Damien. My eyes burned into his and I purposefully pressed my body into his just enough to make my point. I wanted him. No more waiting.

He grabbed my ass again, but this time lifted me on to the counter, wrapping my legs around him and looking at me for approval. I smirked and went back to kissing his neck, causing him to grind harder against me. I ran my hands down his chest and feverishly began unbuttoning his shirt. He helped my inexperienced hands and finished unbuttoning, revealing his bare chest underneath. I ran my fingers across his skin and he shivered. Stopping the kiss, he looked at me, eyes intense, and slowly took my hands from his chest and wrapped them around his neck. Once I was holding on he made sure my legs were tight around his waist and scooped me up, carrying me in the direction of his bedroom. From the hall I could see the glow of candles burning inside.

Once inside he walked confidently to the bed, gently lowering me down so I was sitting on the edge. He took off his already unbuttoned shirt and gently ran his hand down my side, admiring my dress. When he reached the hem I took his hand and he looked at me curiously, wondering if I had changed my mind. I stood up, kissed him, and brought his hand to the side of my breast. A beat passed before he realized what I was asking; his fingers were on the zipper of my dress. He took it, unzipping it painfully slow, watching the fabric begin to reveal me. The navy dress hung loosely on me now and I pulled the strap to the side, letting it go and allowing the dress to drop to the floor and gather around my feet. Underneath I was wearing lacy panties that matched the dress and nothing on top, and Damien took his time admiring the new view. His hands seemed to have a mind of their own, wandering all around my naked body. He finally spoke, breaking long the silence.

“You’re… beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.”

His hands slowed, gently grazing the underside of my breasts with his thumbs. I looped my fingers through his belt loops and tugged him toward me, whispering in his ear.

“These have got to go.”

Obediently he removed the pants, leaving only a pair of black boxers. I tugged at the waistband, pulling him down to me on the bed. He crawled over me, using the weight of his chest to lay me on my back. He kisses me, starting at my neck and working his way down, first to my chest, then my stomach, then my thighs, and back up to my chest, hovering over a nipple. His hot breath on my skin makes my heart race, waiting for him to make contact. His tongue lightly flicks my hardening nipple and my body jerks, a moan escaping my lips. I felt his response to my moan through his boxers, and he went back for more. Licking and sucking, alternating nipples, I was a puddle beneath him. My moans got louder and my body arched up to meet his mouth. I could feel his hardness against my leg and I clawed at his back, needing more. He came up to kiss me and I returned it hard, wrapping my legs around his and grinding into him. He grunted at this and seemed to take the hint. Lifting himself off me he knelt between my legs, running his hand along the delicate hem of my panties but not removing them. I sat up, bringing my mouth to his ear and whispering.

“I want you. Now.” Pulling back to meet his gaze, my hands found the elastic band of his boxers and pulled. He stepped out of them and I saw him, all of him, for the first time. He was bigger than I’d expected, and thick. I couldn’t help but stare and he seemed to notice, trying to gauge my reaction. I laid back on the bed and bit my lip with a smirk, wiggling my hips in an invitation for him to return the favor. He returned to his position between my legs, hooking his fingers under the lacy edge of my panties and slowly pulling them down, taking his time. With the last piece of clothing finally gone, he took in my body, tracing his fingers over my hips for a moment.

“Dames,” I whispered, “I need you. Now. Pleas—” The last word was cut off by his lips crashing into mine. His whole body was against me and I could feel his hardness. Wrapping my legs around him allowed him to line up with me better, teasing my clit with his thick member as he ground into me. Feeling how wet I already was he groaned at the slick sensation. His lips found my nipple again and he sucked hard, causing my legs to clamp down on him and my whole body tensed. He smirked, happy to have found such a sensitive spot, and came up for one more kiss before I felt him prepare. Gently, he rubbed himself against the outside of my wetness before lining up with my hole. He pushed into me slowly and I held my breath; he was quite big and the sensation was incredible. Noticing my breathing catch, he paused.

“Are you okay?”

I bit my lip and nodded. “Oh I’m great.” I kissed him gently on the lips. “Please keep going.” As he bottomed out inside me I exhaled with a whine of pleasure. He began pumping in and out slowly, both of us savoring this new feeling. Picking up speed, I urged him to give me more.

“Yes, Dames, god yes. You’re incredible.” I moaned into his ear as he thrust into me with increasing intensity. His new speed made his stance shift and he started to hit just the right spot inside me.

“Ohhhh… oh fuck, Damiennnn,” I was somewhere between a whine and a scream and he pumped harder, making sure to keep hitting my sweet spot, his soft moans turning me on even more. My hips were thrusting up to meet his and he began grunting in time with our rhythm.

“I’m… close…” He murmured. “Where do you want… do you want me to…”

I tightened my legs around him, silently begging him not to stop.

His thrusts grew erratic and a minute later he gripped my thigh, holding me to him while he exploded inside me. I rode out his orgasm with him, planting soft kisses on his face and neck. His breathing was heavy and as he regained his composure he took my face in his hand and kissed me. We remained like this a moment before I felt him pull out. I sighed contentedly. I was so happy to be with him I wasn’t even upset that I hadn’t finished, but then I felt him shift on top of me. He slid down, planting kisses down my neck, chest, stomach, all the way to my thighs, and then stopped between them. I looked down to watch him, and his eyes rose to meet mine as he lightly kissed my center. A whine escaped my lips and he continued, carefully licking the entirety of my slit a couple times before slipping his tongue into my depths. His saliva mingling with my wetness was incredible, the movements of his tongue artful. He alternated tonguing my inside and lightly flicking my clit, occasionally sucking it into his mouth. My hips were bucking to meet him and he had to hold me down. Something about the forcefulness of this turned me on even more; I trusted this man completely and enjoyed feeling powerless beneath his strong grasp.

I felt his hands press harder into my hips, his mouth moving faster over my dripping center, and I heard that primal growl again. God that was so sexy. I grabbed at the bedsheets, my breathing ragged as I let out a final moan.

“Yesyesyes oh god babe, fuck I’m cummi—” It hit me like electricity, my whole body stiffened and my back arched off the bed. His tongue didn’t break stride, extending my orgasm as long as he could. Once he was sure I was done he crawled up to lay beside me, draping his arm across my stomach and kissing my shoulder. I turned my head and kissed him, tasting myself on his lips. I didn’t mind, which seemed to surprise him. We stayed like that for a bit before I went to the bathroom to clean up.

When I came back into the bedroom he handed me a shirt to sleep in for the night and we climbed into bed. I snuggled into his side and rested my head on his chest and we lay there in comfortable silence. He was the first to speak.

“So… how do you feel?” Damn, you sleep with the guy and he still needs to make sure you like him back.

“I feel… perfect.” I sighed, closing my eyes and listening to his steady breathing.

“You are perfect.”